Baywatch Rookie School: Recent Episodes
Morgan Thrapp, Michael Eisen
S4E17: Falcon Manifesto
Psst Hey kid, you an elbow vegan? Well don't worry any longer, because starting today, we have a solution for you! It's BeyondWenus. Tastes just like real wenus, but made entirely from discarded Baywatch plot points
Morgan's Rating: 4
Michael's Rating: 4
Episode discussion starts @14:06. Post-episode discussion starts @01:14:38.
Assorted show notes:
@06:32 Michael forgot he made a movie in college too. That brings the count up to 4.
@12:55 A Geocities interview with Jacqueline Collen.
@24:32 Please do not Google "Sonic Inflation" on a work computer.
@36:40 The Dahir Insaat Earthquake Bed.
@01:26:40 Peacock's Insane Christmas Movies.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S4E16: Mirror, Mirror
Well I suppose it's time we finally tell you. Michael and Morgan are actually the same person. In case you haven't figured it out, Morgan is obviously the horny twin and Michael is the research twin.
Eric's Rating: 6
Morgan's Rating: 7
Michael's Rating: 7
Episode discussion starts @24:13. Post-episode discussion starts @01:28:11.
Assorted show notes:
@48:09 A reminder of what the octopus looked like
@01:34:52 The Oreo burger
@01:35:22 The banana pizza
@01:36:01 Eric says that they don't eat the cannibal sandwich in Wisconsin but this twitter account begs to differ
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S4E15: Coronado del Soul Part 2
If there's horny ghosts, in your neighborhood. Who you gonna call? Baywatchers!
Parker's Rating: 1.5
Morgan's Rating: 2
Michael's Rating: 2
Episode discussion starts @06:47. Post-episode discussion starts @01:09:56.
Assorted show notes:
@01:17:03 The tweet in question
@01:17:25 The recorded follow-up to that tweet
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S4E14: Coronado del Soul Pt. 1
Beef boys! Exciting news! We're hosting our first Baywatch Rookie School Con at the Coronado del Soul. In order to register, you just need to become a ghost and buy tickets from the spooooooky gift shop. Don't worry, this gift shop does have an exit
Parker's Rating: 4
Morgan's Rating: 5
Michael's Rating: 6
Episode discussion starts @27:11. Post-episode starts @01:36:04.
Assorted show notes:
@49:53 Said montage.
@50:51 Here is the debut. As well, here is the peak.
@01:11:03 Morgan's choice.
@01:11:27 Parker's choice.
@01:12:05 Michael's choice.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S4E13: Red Knight
It's the end of Ben! We are not sad to see him go, even if this is a particularly bad sign off. Come and join us on the beach for a reunion of the Red Knights (or more like the Red Tights amirite???). Also Morgan finally gets a Godfather.
Morgan's Rating: 5
Michael's Rating: 2.5
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S4E12: Second Time Around
We're back! Morgan's back from vacation, so we're recording the episodes we don't have any guests for. Baywatch is hitting it's stride in Season 4, which means they've stopped writing interesting episodes and are just recycling their formulas
Morgan's Rating: 3
Michael's Rating: 4
Episode discussion starts @18:39. Post-episode discussion starts @01:15:18.
Assorted show notes:
@22:55 Hasslehoff Devouring His Cheeseburger by Goya
@23:48 Stills from Baywatch the Animated Series (if only it existed)
@33:44 Conversion rates for 1993
@01:08:11 Robert Kardashian's Cream of Wheat
@01:09:22 Lauren Conrad's Tequila Shot
@01:09:48 The Nicole Brown Simpson Chicken Nachos
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S4E11: The Child Inside
It's time for a Very Special Episode starring a young Republican gymnast. Baywatch doesn't completely bungle depicting the Special Olympics, so that's nice. They didn't do a good job, but it's not as bad as we feared
Jon's Rating: 9
Michael's Rating: 7
Morgan's Rating: 3
Check out Jon's portfolio at: https://kawaiiguy.com/ and watch their Twitch streams at: https://www.twitch.tv/kawaiiguy.
Episode discussion starts @29:49. Post-episode discussion starts @01:32:23.
Assorted show notes:
@26:20 The Michael Phelps meal
@31:01 The fakest rock ever
@37:18 Hobie's tribute to vegetables
@45:35 The Garfield Pizza as well as a picture of Garfield Eats
@46:07: The founder of Garfield Eats
@47:44 More pics from Jon related to Garfield Eats
@54:17 The music from the original montage set to the video from the remaster
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S4E10: Tower of Power
Baywatch is back on it's racist shit, so that's fun. Homecoming is also back, that's actually fun! We talk about graffiti and introduce a new segment, our Pier Review
Homecoming's Rating: 0.5
Michael's Rating: 1
Morgan's Rating: 1.5
Episode discussion begins @22:34. Post-episode discussion begins @01:56:41.
Assorted Show Notes:
@01:05:37 The album Michael is referring to.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S4E9: Ironman Buchannon
In a shockingly horny episode of the podcast, we spend far too much time (and also not nearly enough time) talking about old Nickelodeon Game Shows. #ReleaseTheSnyderCutOfBaywatch #PleaseDontActuallyDoThat #IDontWantSynderFansOnMyCase #NumberOneCheerWorthyMoment.
Michael is drunk this episode. Please ignore how while he is drunk, he pounds the table a lot. Or just accept it. We're not your dad.
Tristan's Rating: 3
Michael's Rating: 6
Morgan's Rating: 4
Episode discussion starts @30:39. Post-episode discussion starts @01:44:38.
Assorted show notes:
@04:40 I am suspicious this is not Chip Hipkins
@20:40 The Playboy cover that got this police officer fired from the NYPD
@25:06 15 questions with Yasser Arafat
@32:20 The Pam Anderson mixtape
@01:18:43 The situation Mitch is in that Morgan is describing
@01:35:36 This is the remastered montage with the music from the original airing
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S4E8: Submersion. CW: Talk of child death.
Well, this is a heavy one, so it's a little hard to write a good joke description. Mitch deals with PTSD after almost failing to save a kid and we try to find ways to talk about it while making the show still listenable. How did we do? You tell us
Morgan's Rating: 7
Michael's Rating: 8
Episode discussion starts @21:58. Post-episode discussion starts @01:13:09.
Assorted Show Notes:
@01:22:35 Picture Michael is referring to about Sweden
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S4E7: Tentacles Pt. 2
Well in theory this is a part 2, but let's be honest. It's not. The only thing that connects these episodes is the return of Helen! You gotta know when to Holden, you gotta know when to float 'em (the answer is don't float them because that's how you get the bends)
Helen's Rating: 4
Michael's Rating: 5
Michael's Racoon Rating: 1
Morgan's Rating: 4
Find Helen at the Falling in Love Montage Podcast
Helen's Twitter: @helenherbstl
Episode discussion starts @12:10. Post-episode discussion starts @01:12:40.
Assorted show notes:
@14:57 The album art for the Sun 60 album this is from
@17:45 You're Gone by Samantha Ryan
@52:55 Okay so maybe not a kid but he does look weird
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S4E6: Tentacles Pt. 1
CW: ED/bulimia discussion
Remember kids, never get a Goku cake, never get someone a book for their birthday, never go surfing without a leash, and definitely never try to cure your bulimia by almost getting eaten by an octopus.
Why doesn't Star Wars have octopus aliens? 8 arms 8 lightsabers George Lucas call us.
Helen's Rating: 5
Morgan's Rating: 6
Michael's Rating: 6
Find Helen at the Falling in Love Montage Podcast
Helen's Twitter: @helenherbstl
Episode discussion begins @11:04. Post-episode discussion begins @01:23:30.
Assorted Show Notes:
@28:46 This is shot that made Helen and Michael burst out in laughter
@29:02 Here's a shot of the octopus's face
@29:10 The trifecta of octopus shots
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S4E5: Sky Rider
This episode is just so full of hot air. Hot air balloons that is! Well, just one balloon, but it's in here like a lot.
Sparkle's Rating: 5
Michael's Rating: 5
Morgan's Rating: 6
Episode discussion starts @16:25. Post-episode discussion starts @01:47:00.
Assorted show notes:
@54:45 Telly Savalas beach photos 1, 2, and 3
@01:35:45 Bill Pickett picture
@01:43:24 VENGEANCE THE SHARK
@01:51:28 The Nathan Fielder related tweet
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S4E4: Blindside
Oops all Pelicans. Have you pet a pelican recently? Some of them are cops and we don't endorse those birds. Fuck those birds. Like Zeus would.
Reeves's Rating: 1.5
Michael's Rating: 4
Morgan's Rating: 4
Please check out Reeves at KEXP.org!
Episode discussions starts @33:06. Post-episode discussion starts @01:57:18.
Assorted show notes:
@16:44 Pictures of Giant Gonzalez's suit, #1 and #2
@23:14 Dave Meltzer's horrifying room
@33:35 Michael forgot to record it but luckily he pretty much perfectly replicated his voice in his impression
@47:39 Here is the video of Fraiser as The National Morgan was looking for
@59:00 Okay so not on every action but there's a decent amount of farting!
@01:17:30 Here is the shirt on Etsy. But here is where you can actually buy it
@01:19:09 Morgan no
@01:23:05 "I'm gonna murder this child"
@02:02:29 The Garfield cup drama
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S4E3: Lover's Cove
In this very special episode, Michael and Morgan have been taken out of commission by a purple jellyfish, so we have to bring in some help to continue on with our mission.
Stay tuned for our upcoming Disney+ Deal.
Robert's rating: 6
Valerie's rating: 2
Jami's rating: 6
Episode discussion starts @7:22. Post-episode discussion starts @36:01.
Assorted show notes:
@00:51 We're being held against our will. Send help
@12:40 This scene is reused from season 2 episode 11 "If Looks Could Kill"
@24:24 As much as we would like to skool these NEWBS, they are correct that CJ and Mitch have not dated previously. Good job guest hosts!
@37:07 Michael and Morgan do not condone slander of Hobie 2
@42:52 Michael and Morgan do not condone promotion of the band U2
@44:56 We're being held against our will. Send help
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S4E2: Race Against Time Part 2
Baywatch is the Koo-Koo-Kookiest
Baywatch is the Ki-Ki-Kickiest
Baywatch is the Groo-Groo-Grooviest
Baywatch is the living end, friend
Join our watch along of Lidsville episode 1 here!
Morgan's Rating: 2
Michael's Rating: 2
Morgan's Lidsville Rating: 9
Michael's Lidsville Rating: 9
Episode discussion starts @03:14. Post-episode discussion starts @29:57. Lidsville episode discussion starts @46:06. Post-Lidsville discussion starts @01:13:34.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S4E1: Race Against Time Part 1. Welcome to season 4! Can you believe it? We can't. It's a part one, which famously has always gone very well on Baywatch.
Morgan's Rating: 6.5
Michael's Rating: 7
Episode discussion starts @21:00. Post-episode discussion starts @01:28:52.
Assorted show notes:
@59:39 Iconic Thomas brand English Muffins
@01:00:33 KAPSALON
@01:16:32 Andrew said it checks out
@01:35:02 You'll have to see the tweet to truly appreciate it
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S3E22: Fatal Exchange. Can you believe it? We've finished season 3! Overall, it's been a season of ups and downs, but at least it's not season 2. The blood feud has escalated, Morgan's mom, you're on watch 👀
We both recommend that you watch Pam and Tommy if you like our podcast and want more info about Pam Anderson. Also if you don't like our podcast, why have you listened this far?
Morgan's Rating: 5
Michael's Rating: 5
Episode discussion starts @15:54. Post-episode discussion starts @01:28:26.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S3E21: Kicks. Join us for a history lesson on wrestling and jello. Gene LaBell is here to save us from being stuck in Gene LaHell. The saga of Pilates continues, as we can never escape this curse.
Paul's Rating: 8
Michael's Rating: 8
Morgan's Rating: 4
Episode discussion starts @24:31. Post-episode discussion starts @01:30:34.
Assorted show notes:
@22:41 If you like hearing about the history of mixed martial arts, this video by Secret Base is a fantastic watch
@46:45 We forgot to mention that Pam Anderson is Canadian so it's all sorts of geopolitically confusing
@54:47 Please worry for Michael
@01:21:57 Here is the Pastamania menu, BROTHER
@01:22:50 Hulk Hogan shaped pasta, BROTHER
@01:25:35 A pasta sandwich. As well, here is an assorted album of other spaghetti pics
@01:27:11 Paul claims this is a meatball sub. He's not seeing the bigger picture
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S3E20: Shattered Pt. 2. It's part 2! And once again we have brought back our guest from episode 1. Just like part 1, part 2 is bad. Join us for an exploration of the GCU (Grandpa Cinematic Universe) and discuss if we prefer our grandpas Dirty, Bad, or Warred On.
This is a Milpo Sclint stan podcast #JusticeForMilpo.
Reeves' Rating: 11/3
Michael's Rating: 8/3
Morgan's Rating: 4
See Reeves' KEXP profile, along with his socials, here!
Episode discussion starts @12:11. Post-episode discussion starts @01:51:27.
@08:33 An extremely cursed image
@19:20 The Google ad for searching Candy Corn
@20:15 A tweet that captures Morgan's heart
@53:10 Please view the visage of this man
@53:44 An album of Milpo
@54:24 "No more shitposting or schizoposting, time for Sclintposting. Post this image to instantly sclintpill yourself"
@54:34 "everybody loves to powerscale anime characters but i dont see anyone talking about if milpo sclint would have survived on the eastern front"
@1:40:19 "What about this picture?" Michael says he had to pick between that and: this one
@01:48:28 A screenshot of Mitch's party
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S3E19: Shattered Pt. 1. In which we discuss the appropriate amount of ham for a lifeguard for our least kosher episode yet. Also lots of wrestling talk, we're sorry.
Reeves' Rating: 2
Michael's Rating: 3
Morgan's Rating: 3
Episode discussion starts @35:06. Post-episode discussion starts @2:09:12.
Assorted Show Notes:
@01:15:56 Here is the picture of the senior home and the belly dancer
@01:16:28 Morgan's horrifying picture
@01:17:05 The terrifying hallway
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S3E18: Stakeout at Surfrider Beach. On this episode we ask the all important question, who directs the directors? Join us for our sendoff of Guido. We will never forget the iduido of you.
Morgan's Rating: 7
Michael's Rating: 7
Jon's Rating: 8
Check out Jon's portfolio at: https://kawaiiguy.com/ and watch their Twitch streams at: https://www.twitch.tv/kawaiiguy.
Episode discussion starts @29:05. Post-episode discussion starts @01:47:27.
Assorted show notes:
@14:00 The picture of Darin Heams shared with Jon
@1:02:38 Here is the article that Jon is reading from regarding Hasslehoff's chicken legs
@01:24:38 Here is "The Guido Face"
@01:56:33 I present to you Baywatch Hentai. Image #1. Image #2. Image #3.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S3E17: The Tower. This is the buried secret of Baywatch. In our most M. Night Shyamalan episode, we talk about the right amount of ham for a Baywatch episode.
Did you know how many surf terms could be a euphemism for sex? We try to figure out the answer to this age old question.
Who guards the lifeguard's life when the lifguard's life needs guarding? Hmmm?
Morgan's Rating: 9
Michael's Rating: 3
Episode discussion starts @06:54. Post-episode discussion starts @59:23.
Assorted show notes:
@37:16 The image Michael is looking for is the artwork for this episode!
@41:15 I highly encourage you to go on your own Google Image search for this because you'll find some pretty great stuff
@41:51 https://www.cinemablend.com/superheroes/batman/someone-added-jim-carreys-riddler-to-the-batman-trailer-and-i-cant-look-away
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S3E16: Vacation Part 2
We're back! It's our first time having a guest return for part 2 and it's a delight. We talk about the dangers of gambling and how badly the 90s handled the concept of addiction.
Also if anyone has a hookup on a thermos of Sweet and Sour sauce, tweet at us
Episode discussion starts at 20:00
Post episode discussion starts at 1:22:10
Val: 8
Morgan: 2
Michael: 3.5
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S3E15: Vacation Part 1. This is a real Sophie's Choice of an episode. Watch more montages or spend less time watching this episode? Norwegian Cruises sponsored a two-part-er and let me tell you, this is no pleasure cruise
Valerie's Rating: 7
Michael's Rating: 3
Morgan's Rating: 3
Episode discussion starts @30:01. Post-episode discussion starts @ 01:40:07.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S3E14: Strangers Among Us. This episode rocks, Rock's Hudson that is. If you're listening to this episode, you've got some real strange bedfellows. Unfortunately we are not cut out to be diamond thieves, but at least we have this podcast.
If you want to see Michael's attempt at flipping text, click here https://prnt.sc/26cbl5g
Morgan's Rating: 4
Michael's Rating: 5
Episode discussion starts @11:13. Post-episode discussion starts @19:57.
Assorted show notes:
@02:55 The first ugly Christmas sweater Michael found
@03:51 The second ugly Christmas sweater Michael found
@45:31 Please refer to Michael's attempt at flipping text above
@55:29 See-Saw Love
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S3E13: Island of Romance. It's a back-to-back record so we are on one this episode. Some real season 2 racism in this one, but at least we discover that Baywatch is Feminist Actually. This episode was so bad.
Morgan's Rating: 1
Michael's Rating: 1
Episode discussion starts @11:59. Post-episode discussion starts @54:38.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S3E12: A Matter of Life and Death. Hot take, Baywatch is better than Doctor Who. David Hasselhoff, you're on notice. Start streaming Fortnite!! This one has some secret content, so listen carefully.
Episode discussion begins @9:58
Episode discussion ends @1:11:13
Morgan's Rating: 8
Michael's Rating: 8
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S3E11: Dead of Summer. Life Pro Tip: Grunge voice hurts your throat if you aren't singing it correctly. Please join us as we discuss punctuation in band names, nu metal, and just generally avoid talking about the episode.
Morgan's Rating: 6
Michael's Rating: 4
Episode discussion starts @14:27. Post-episode discussion starts @01:09:44.
Assorted show notes:
@13:50 Here is the poster for Return of the Roller Blade Seven.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S3 E10: Lifeguards Can't Jump. Baywatch. Basketball. ARGs. What do these all have in common? Better listen to the episode to find out!
We're bringing you the premium 90s nightclub experience this episode. Loud music, plastic ferns, and combination fast food restaurants.
Morgan's Rating: 2
Michael's Rating: 2
Episode discussions starts @10:36. Post-episode discussion starts @01:20:25.
Assorted show notes:
@1:03:50 This video covers the entire history of The Slipnutz.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S3 E9: Masquerade. Please join us for a real paraclete of an episode. We once again discuss how everyone has been on Jake and the Fatman. We will never be free.
Also this is the episode where we buy a yacht, finally
Homecoming's Rating: 4
Morgan's Rating: 8
Michael's Rating: 7
Check out Homecoming on his theater podcast the BrodwayBesties.
As well, see Homecoming's written works on his blog.
And Homecoming has a video game podcast as well!
Episode discussion starts @24:00. Post-episode discussion starts @01:45:10.
@01:08:10 Hulk Hogan has to admit in court he does not have a 10 inch penis.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S3 E8: Prince of Tides. Better watch out Beef Boys! Jake and the Fatman is back! This episode sounds so good because we got a new CPU (ChiPotle cinematic Universe). We expand on our most famous prank (HubHub) and Michael learns an important lesson.
Helen's Rating: 3
Morgan's Rating: 7
Michael's Rating: 7
Helen's Falling in Love Montage Podcast
Helen's Twitter: @helenherbstl
Episode discussion starts @23:02. Post-episode discussion starts @01:37:55.
Assorted show notes:
@16:33 Michael and Morgan basically had this exact same conversation again on 11/28 in person, forgetting that they had already had this conversation before.
@36:57 Michael is referring to "The Texas-Jerusalem Crossroads" by Lift to Experience.
@43:02 This is reference to the comic strip "Cathy" where the main character Cathy frequently says "Ack Ack Ack".
@46:56 You may remember that the feud between Michael and Morgan's mom started when Michael mixed up West Side Story and Grease. It has since turned into a blood feud.
@49:35 This is a picture of one of Morgan's cans of Flamin' Hot Mtn Dew.
@01:07:11 Dear past Michael: I tried but could not find any without going through some dangerous sections of DeviantArt.
@01:20:40 This is the Bjork Clown.
@01:28:28 Click here to learn more about the Scania flag!
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S3 E7: Point Doom. Motorcycles, karaoke, and the MCU (Mario Cinematic Universe) are the topics of discussion today. I hope you've reviewed the study guide or this episode isn't going to make any sense.
This is a Christian Podcast, no horny or swears.
Andrew's Rating: 3
Morgan's Rating: 7
Michael's Rating: 6
Episode discussion starts @22:03. Post-episode discussion starts @01:53:50.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S3 E6: Showdown at Malibu Beach High. Psst, hey kid, you wanna see one of them High School Musicals? Well take a look at what I've got right here. It's definitely the same thing and I'll sell it to you for only $5.
Morgan's Rating: 3
Michael's Rating: 3
Episode discussion starts @14:19. Post-episode discussion starts @01:06:31.
@55:39 Like I'm walking on sunshine.
@01:14:37 The tweet referencing the "25 hour day".
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S3 E5: Pier Pressure. This episode is our documentary on the history of Street Fighter. In theory we watched a Baywatch episode, but really wouldn't it be more interesting to talk about Street Fighter? THIS IS NOT THUNDER CAKE.
Sparkle's Rating: 4
Morgan's Rating: 6
Michael's Rating: 5
Find Sparkle's Podcast Sunday School Cinema here.
Episode discussion starts @12:23. Post-episode discussion starts @01:52:03.
@45:29 The mystery kitchen appliance. Here is what it ends up being: https://www.rcvintage.com/?name=HARVEST-YELLOW-STOVE&product=1030444097.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S3 E4: Rookie Of The Year. We recorded two episodes in the same day late at night and mostly we talk about Clown Ice Cream and Mystery. It's a fucking weird one. No swears on this Christian Podcast Server
Morgan's Rating: 5
Michael's Rating: 6
Episode discussion starts @17:17. Post-episode discussion starts @01:16:56.
Assorted show notes:
@00:00 Note that for this episode there will be a lot of images referenced. An album has been made of these imagines in order of when they are referenced in the episode. Enjoy these horrible images!
@20:19 Here is Bert Kreischer's The Machine bit.
@36:17 Michael does not know what eminent domain means.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S3 E3: Tequila Bay. We had no description for this. Should there be a description for this? Who knows? It's probably better this way. Treat this as the minimalism episode.
Morgan's rating: 8
Michael's rating: 8
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S3 E2: River Of No Return Pt. 2. It's the obligatory musical episode of the podcast! It's the bigfeet episode! We always knew they'd get us one day, but we always assumed we could hide in a pickle barrel. We were wrong...
Morgan's Episode Rating: 5
Michael's Episode Rating: 4 (Secretly a 5) --- Yo Wtf Morgan? - Michael
Morgan's Two Parter Rating: 6
Michael's Two Parter Rating: 6
Episode discussion starts @17:20. Post-episode discussion starts @01:01:30 .
Additional show notes:
@01:11:30 Article on Bishop Sycamore.
@01:17:39 A disgusting looking soup.
@01:20:28 A better looking soup.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S3 E1: River of No Return Pt. 1. It's season 3! Finally we're done with season 2!
It's a prospector party! We're digging for gold in them/their hills and hopefully found some in this episode. We learn the secrets of a rifle that shoots crossbow bolts.
I'm not sure why, but Morgan's audio has a bit of a hum to it this episode. Sorry about that.
Morgan's Rating: 7
Michael's Rating: 8
Episode discussion starts @31:27. Post-episode discussion starts @01:36:19.
Assorted show notes:
@4:32 The interview with David Hasslehoff in Men's Health
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S2 E22: The Summer of '85. Oh thank god, we're done with season 2. It's an episode that fulfills all of our predictions by being terrible. It's the last appearance of Harvey and we could not be happier. Also hopefully it's the last episode with statutory rape? We can only hope.
Morgan's Rating: 2
Michael's Rating: 2
Morgan's Season Rating: 3
Michael's Season Rating: 4
Episode discussion starts @22:00. Post-episode discussion starts @01:16:28.
Assorted show notes:
@3:32 Fred Durst's new look
@17:39 Neglected Characters early 2000s webcomic. And, here is the second one.
Ar:t by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S2 E21: A Game Of Change. It's another gambling episode, so we have our resident gambling expert back. John Gilbert!
If anyone wants to start HubHub, let us know. We've got all the hot pictures of car feet (wheels)
We also learn that the lifeguard union sucks and you still have to work on your day off. Lifeguards, seize the means of production!!
John's Rating: 5
Morgan's Rating: 6
Michael's Rating: 5
Episode discussion starts @19:31. Post-episode discussion starts @01:35:57.
Assorted show notes:
@16:24 The image Morgan is referring to.
@45:45 Here is the first horrible image (that Michael sent to Morgan) that Morgan posts
@46:27 This is the second image
@47:27 And the last horrible Cool Cat image
@1:23:18 A look at future Vito courtesy of John
@1:34:15 A very dated picture
@01:46:21 THIS IS KORFBALL
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose
S2 E20: The Big Spill. Baywatch may not have the balls to make fun of Greenpeace, but we do. Who's your favorite Jeff? There is no wrong answer, but there is a right one and you will be tested on this. Baywatch and Cool Cat, partners in socialism.
Featuring, yet again, The Drop King himself Robert Persinger!
Robert's Rating: 5
Michael's Rating: 2
Morgan's Rating: 7
Episode discussion starts @14:52. Post-episode discussion starts @01:25:10.
Assorted show notes:
@33:22 It was not a two parter. In fact, it is the very next episode!
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S2 E19: The Lost Treasure Of Tower 12. It's the perfect crime. Watch a Baywatch episode. Force a guest to join us. Record a podcast episode. Use their larger platform as a KEXP DJ to promote the podcast. Realize that we're still a Baywatch podcast and bury it by releasing it late. Perfect crime.
To find Reeves, you can check him out on KEXP! https://www.kexp.org/djs/reeves/.
Morgan's Rating: 5
Michael's Rating: 5.4
Reeve's Rating: 3.9/3.1
Episode discussion starts @13:42. Post-episode discussion starts @01:57:43.
Additional show notes:
@01:34:57 Here is a link to the Baywatch original television soundtrack on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5UhB5rW4Msew0zxfBHuQqO?si=0034e11713134e88.
@01:44:37 This is the Ebay link Morgan is referring to.
@01:46:06 Michael was wrong! There is going to be a Dark Side of Baywatch airing on August 19th on Vice.
@02:06:14 You are hearing the tail end of a conversation that we had out of podcast where I asked for that one line to be inserted.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S2 E18 Shark's Cove. This might be our horniest episode yet. We spend a lot of time talking about feet and capitalism with Ali. Gotta keep your spare toes around somewhere close for this one.
No, we will not post links to Sonic Hyperinflation in the show notes.
Check out Ali's podcast at: https://whathappened.show/
Morgan's rating: 6
Michael's rating: 7
Ali's rating: 7
Episode discussion starts @10:29. Post episode discussion starts @01:57:54.
Assorted show notes:
@29:33 Here is a picture of the insides of a waverunner.
@01:30:26 If you've never seen the My Brand/Look With Your Special Eyes commercial, now is your chance. Additionally, here is the follow-up.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S2 E17: The Chamber and Where's Wally S1 E11 Ahead of the Future:
Where's Mitchy
Where's Mitchy
Did you see him?
Where's Mitchy
Where Where Where Where's Mitchy
Where Where Where Where's Mitchy
Where's Mitchy
Where's Where Where Where Where's Mitchy
Did you see him huh?
Michael's Rating: 2
Morgan's Rating: 2
Morgan's Rating: 8
Michael's Rating: 8
Episode discussions starts @8:39. Post-episode discussion starts @25:39.
Part 2 discussion starts @32:49. Post-episode discussion starts @1:36:47.
You watch the content of our part 2 of the episode here!
Assorted show notes:
@48:29 We decided it was funnier to present a stupid idea, say we'll do it, and then not actually do it. You can listen to the theme song if you watch the episode!
@55:18 Here is the South Park clip in question.
@1:43:17 Michael got it wrong. It's The Arrogant Sons of Bitches.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S2 E16: Now Sit Right Back and You'll Hear a Tale: To the tune of the Gilligan's Island theme song
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of some intrepid viewers. The person writing this descri-i-i-ption, hates all of this.
This group was a mighty crew, one of them likes this show. 3 podcasters sat down that day for more time than needed, more time than needed.
The episode started getting rough, Michael lost his mind. If not for the other two this episode would be lost, this episode would be lost.
The podcast set ground on the shore of this uncharted episode, with Michael, Morgan too, Em, and nobody else.
We cooouldn't convince, any one else at all, here on Baywatch Rookie School!
Ratings don't matter for this episode nor do time stamps because Michael would like to not remember this episode of Baywatch (Morgan and Em disagree).
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S2 E15: Sea of Flames. Eyyyy, that's a good pee. Much like pee, the spice must flow. This episode is on fire and so are we. It's precognitive summer camp, earthquakes, a revelation of future past, and lots of general nonsense
Morgan's Rating: 4
Michael's Rating: 4
Episode discussion starts @06:43. Post-episode discussion starts @01:30:20.
Assorted show notes:
@33:24 The Ben Shapiro Aquaman clip.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S2 E14: Big Monday. Monday funday better than a Sunday. Can only do it one way, & that is the way of the wave inside you? No, that's just trauma.
We have decided that every 30 years, we'll have a big podcast episode in honor of Big Monday. There will be two of these and then we will be dead. But they'll be really great episodes (to be determined)!
Morgan's Rating: 4
Michael's Rating: 5
Episode discussion starts @16:29. Post-episode discussion starts @1:28:00.
Assorted show notes:
@31:25 Is it chicken or is it fish? I know it's fish but is it chicken?
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S2 E13: War of Nerves. Folks...This episode is good. I can't believe I'm saying this but you should watch this one.
Buzz Belmondo is back and better than ever. He is here to single-handedly make this one of the greatest pieces of cinema in history
The only problem is that apparently no one in this episode knows how apples work and it's a crime
Jami's Rating: 9
Michael's Rating: 10
Morgan's Rating: 11
Episode discussion starts @11:30. Post-episode discussion starts @01:45:08.
Assorted show notes:
@01:06:03 The image Morgan is referring to is the picture for this episode. Enjoy
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S2 E12: Reunion: [Baywatch Rookie School studio]
Morgan: [chanting] feet, feet-
Michael: feet, FEET
David Hasselhoff: [pounding his buoy] FEET, FEET, FEET
Morgan's Rating: 5
Michael's Rating: 7
Sandcrab722's Rating: 9
Episode discussion starts @13:20. Post-episode discussion starts @01:22:17.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S2 E11: If Looks Could Kill. Glee, you're on watch. We're suing you for pre-cog IP theft of dinosaur prom. It's time for the horniest episode and amazingly, it's not even creepy horniness.
We do apologize for some bumpy noises coming from Michael's mic. That is getting fixed very soon!
Morgan's Rating: 7
Helen's Rating: 6
Michael's Rating: 7
Helen's Falling in Love Montage Podcast
Helen's Twitter: @helenherbstl
Episode discussion starts at @09:54. Post-episode discussion starts @01:29:29.
Assorted show notes:
@01:52 Here are the said rare photos of Joseph Pilates.
@01:07:16 Here is the image Michael is referring to.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S2 E10: The Trophy Pt. 2. This one is fully off the rails folks. They should not have made The Trophy a two part (or at all quite frankly). Join us for a discussion of grunge, trash, buttholes, and our new service: Therapy 2.0.
Morgan's Rating: 2
Michael's Rating: 3
Episode discussion starts @11:25. Post-episode discussion starts @01:22:16.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S2 E9: The Trophy Pt. 1. I am so glad that I am in the future because I can confidently say that this episode starts the end of the absolute worst of S2 (at least so far). This is the episode of Baywatch where the writers really want to stress to us how much of a problem it is that teenage girls go around ruining the lives of older men who have no choice but to be attracted to them. Folks,,, it's a bad one.
Morgan's rating: 2
Michael's rating: 4
Episode discussion starts @14:05. Post-episode discussion starts @01:23:55.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S2 E8: Thin or Die. Welcome to Baywatch's fat shaming episode! There's a lot at steak, like a date, a mischievous dog, and whiskey stew. Luckily we have our first returning guest, Valerie, to help us talk about this episode and go on extended stew based bits.
Morgan's Rating: 3
Valerie's Rating: 6
Michael's Rating: 3
Episode discussion starts @09:24. Post-episode discussion starts @01:26:23.
Assorted show notes:
@17:35 A picture of Success Rice.
@46:05 Michael is referring to the dog pictures on this page for Alpo products.
@57:46 There all is aching.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S2 E7: Sandcastles. I hate this episode too much to write a good description. Skip watching this episode of the show please. Donate to mutual aid funds and food banks. Help out your unhoused neighbors by giving them cash and supplies. We're in the middle of a pandemic and they're already more vulnerable under the best of circumstances, which this is not.
Michael's Rating: 0
Morgan's Rating: 0
Sandcrab277's Rating: 1
Episode discussion starts @23:33. Post-episode discussion starts @01:41:57.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S2 E6: Point of Attack. This is the worst episode of Baywatch yet. Please skip the episode itself and just listen to our podcast instead. We find a bunch of things to talk about instead of Baywatch like A Song Of Ice And Fire, Wrestling, Conan O'Brien, and of course Cameo. There are only two good parts of this episode. One, it's got the song Crazy by Seal. Two, it's got Danny Trejo!!
Morgan's rating: 1
Michael's rating: 0
Episode discussion starts @09:03. Post-episode discussion starts @01:17:53.
Assorted show notes:
@36:50 Here is one of the Pat Cashman Taco Time commercials. Also, Pat Cashman was on Almost Live and here is a classic sketch from him. Moreover, in a serendipitous moment, we found audio from the Hoyle Card game Michael referenced.
@46:31 Michael was very wrong. In fact, the man lost half an entire hand from catching an axe (which Michael was correct about) but, he was king of the Iron Islands and his name was Harras Hoare (here's his wiki page).
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S2 E5: The Fabulous Buchannon Boys. It's the episode of brotherly love! Come join us down on the beach for a collection of some super racist 90s white people doing racist accents, so that's fun I guess. Listen to this episode if you want to hear a rare thing for us, that's right, a really stupid joke. BARTESIAN IS A SCAM. PLEASE, I'M BEGGING YOU, DO NOT PURCHASE IT. I will make you drinks instead.
Hey, it's almost Summer. Don't you want to start dating someone this summer? Now that the vaccine is widely available, don't you miss human contact? Well if so, tweet at us @RookieSchoolPod and we'll act as a match maker and send you a free LoveSync button!
Morgan's rating: 4
Michael's rating: 4
Jami's rating: 5
Episode discussion starts @14:47. Post-episode discussion starts @01:53:30.
Assorted show notes:
@17:24 Here's the Apple Powerbook. It's the precursor to the MacBook Pro!
@19:40 But future Michael has! $20 in 1991 is $38.97 in 2021. Thus Mitch, assuming he gets paid salary to work 40 hours a week, makes $74,822.40, before tax, in 2021.
@01:41:33 Here is the clip (Michael embellished as usual). In fact, he eats cereal with no milk! Just like Jami!
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S2 E4: Money Honey. The Baywatch Boys go to Hollywood! Warning, this episode has one of hottest takes Morgan has ever given. If you have strong opinions about Mario, this might be an episode to skip. You'll be happy to hear that our best bit is back! That's right, it's time for a quick check in with Danimals. Make sure to bookmark doesdanimalsstillexist.baywatch.yogurt for all of your 90s yogurt news.
Morgan's Rating: 6
Michael's Rating: 5
Episode discussion starts @07:40. Post-episode discussion starts @01:24:32.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S2 E3: The One That Got Away. Hey folks, I know it's a pandemic, but you should all take yourselves a nice little Busman's Holiday to unwind. It's our most high effort episode yet, but it doesn't mean you have to join us. Also, Harvey is a shit-head.
Sandcrab277 Rating: 1
Morgan's Rating of Sandcrab277's Rating: 1
Michael's Rating: 3
Morgan's Rating: 2
Episode discussion starts @10:09. Post-episode starts @01:10:48.
Assorted show notes:
@04:48 I present to you the IMDB page for Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2.
@42:16 Some research shows that "A Busman's Holiday" is a "Vacation or form of recreation that involves doing the same thing that one does at work". Apparently its called that because back in the day, buses were horse driven. If a busman wanted to go on vacation, he would take the bus still, thus not having much of a different experience than his work day.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S2E2: Nightmare Bay Pt. 2. It's part two of Nightmare Bay! Boy has this been a nightmare. Go watch King Kong vs Godzilla instead. I (Morgan) haven't seen it, but it has to be a better use of your time. Tweet @RookieSchoolPod if you're interested in the pilot test of our dating service https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/lovesync/lovesync-kickstart-your-love-life.
Morgan is super echoy this episode because he just moved and didn't have his full podcasting setup ready.
Morgan's Rating: 7.5
Michael's Rating: 7.5
Episode discussion begins at @07:11. Post-episode discussion begins at @1:24:00.
No assorted show notes this week because Michael didn't have time!
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S2 E1: Nightmare Bay Pt. 1. This episode is just a tribute to one of the greatest men to have ever lived. A man named Gregory J. Bonann. A man who, without his creative genius, we would not have the single most life changing piece of media ever, Baywatch.
This man, and this show, are truly life-changingly positive influences not just on our lives as the hosts, but hopefully on your lives, dear listeners. What we're saying is that we are here to save your soul.
Morgan's rating: 11/Bonann
Michael's rating: 10/Bonann
Episode discussion starts @15:03. Post-episode discussion starts @01:08:46.
No additional show notes this time because everything is explained if you just listen to Gregory J. Bonann.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
It's our most fashionable episode yet! We brought on a guest with a rare skill, they actually know what they're talking about-unlike the two of us. Have you spent too long suffering from boob fog? No worries, in this episode, we teach you how to solve it.
For this episode, we have an album of images we refer to, you can view this album here: Baywatch Rookie School: Fish Tie Regalia.
Morgan's S1 fashion rating: 7
Michael's S1 fashion rating: 8
Valerie's S1 fashion rating: 8
Assorted show notes:
@31:52 The Tidus laugh.
@36:40 If you Google Image search Lilia Smitty, the first two results are the outfits Morgan is referencing, the blue outfits with tassels.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S1 E21: The End? Holy shit, we made it! Season 1 is done! The orthquakes are here and oh boy, every one is in danger. You've escaped our first round of traps. Next seasons we'll be covering the same season, but in two different time lines.
Why is Eddie so shitty to a pregnant woman? Just, like, chill dog. Now in fairness, as near as we can tell, he didn't know how babies were made until this episode but still.
Morgan's rating: 8
Michael's rating: 9
Morgan Season Rating: 6.5
Michael Season rating: 7
Episode discussion @29:14. Post-episode discussion @01:38:51.
Assorted show notes:
@25:34 To make this more clear, episodes of season 2 of Baywatch were receiving $300,000 upfront per episode in earnings before any other revenue data came in. Thus, they were pre-airing earning $300,000 each episode
@52:44 A map of Baywatch from this episode.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose
S1 E20: Old Friends. In this episode, we get to explore the concept of "what if an episode had dialog and also dark synth music". Cort does pepperoni crimes and definitely didn't murder a man.
Warning, this episode contains the most intense sexual chemistry ever seen on screen. Spoilers: it's between Mitch and a Tree. Better make sure the horny police don't find you listening to this. Baywatch Do What Nintendon't.
Morgan's rating: 5
Michael's rating: 7
Michael Bar Fight Rating: 6 (originally 8)
Morgan Bar Fight Rating: 5.5
Episode discussion starts @08:46. Post-episode discussion starts @01:19:12.
Assorted show notes:
@20:40 Luigi Primo has some thoughts on the matter.
@29:13 Maki Itoh's Twitter.
@01:13:44 Here is an article on the Sonic bible.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S1 E19: The Big Race. It's time to save the swimmers, it's time to win the race, it's time to meet the Lifeguards on the Baywatch Show tonight. Why do we always watch this? I guess we'll never know. It's like a kind of torture, to have to watch this show. To introduce our guest star, that's what I am here to do. So it really makes me happy to introduce to you: @EmilyReineke.
Morgan's rating: 6
Michael's rating: 7
Emily's rating: 6.5
You can listen to Idle Curiosities at milfparty.icu
Episode discussion starts @04:49. Post-episode discussion starts @01:09:14.
Assorted Show Notes:
@11:38 Neither Michael nor Morgan won their bids on the items since they got even more expensive by the time of the auction closing and we weren't going to spend $600 on Baywatch memorabilia.
@24:37 The story of Radiohead and Chiptole.
@37:37 "Pounding drumps".
@45:32 Weenie Hut General.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S1 E18: Shark Derby. That's right! It's finally here! It's the Shark Derby that we've all been waiting for! We're gonna do so much Shark Crime! It's the most cartoonish episode yet. We had high high hopes for this episode, shooting for the sharks when we couldn't make a killing.
Morgan's rating: 5
Michael's rating: 4.5
Episode discussion starts @08:52. Post-episode discussion starts @01:17:12.
There are no assorted show notes for this episode because all of our references are self-explained! That could be a good or bad thing!
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S1 E17: Eclipse. It's our Spookiest episode yet! Should this have been the Halloween episode? Yes. Is it? No! Instead, it's mid-February and we're doing our ghost episode. Morgan also gets Green Lantern, Green Mile, and Green Hornet confused. He regrets this error. Come for the discussion of surrealist boxing gyms, stay for the record shop ASMR.
Morgan's rating: 6.5
Michael's rating: 3
Episode discussion starts @06:44. Post-episode discussion starts @01:19:13.
Assorted Show Notes:
@44:35 Michael meant to say Damo Suzuki. Instead, he referenced a Pro-Wrestler he had been watching earlier that day, Daisuke Sakamoto. This episode was a trip.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S1 E16: Snake Eyes. Join us on Vanilla Ice's floating casino for some high stakes games of craps and another heist! Why does Baywatch have so many heists?
John Gilbert's Twitter: https://twitter.com/jmagil.
Morgan's rating: 5
Michael's rating: 5
John's rating: 5
Episode discussion starts @03:38. Post-episode discussion starts @1:26:15.
Assorted show notes:
@45:12 Michael means to say "The Artist".
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S1 E15: Muddy Waters. It's time to engage in some discussion of watersports! We've got creep shot photographers! Cats! Sexism! A heist? I guess? But on the plus side, we get badly ADRed screams and modeling shots of Captain Thorpe. Eyyyy, we make-a da best podcast.
Morgan's rating: 4
Michael's rating: 3
Episode discussion starts @02:52. Post-episode discussion starts @01:17:27.
Assorted show notes:
@15:43 We'd liked to issue an important correction here. Tad Ghostal IS Space Ghost. That's his real name. His brother is Chad Ghostal. His grandpa may or may not be Macho Man Randy Savage.
@26:26 Look at this creepy piece of hunk.
@51:03 Please follow Luigi Primo on Twitter and on Instagram. If you don't already enjoy him, please watch this video: https://twitter.com/BestPizzaChef/status/1280974876942241798.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S1 E14: We Need A Vacation. We talk about NA Miatas, Sonic the Hedgehog, Kombucha, and the white savior complex in our most #deep episode. Headlights go up, headlights go down, you can't explain that.
Listen to Ali more here: https://whathappened.show/
Morgan's rating: 4
Michael's rating: 5
Ali's rating: 4
Bar fight rating: 8/Sonic
Episode discussion starts @07:33. Post-episode discussion starts @01:52:02.
Assorted show notes:
@20:52 An obscure reference to when Janelle Monae's Sir Greendown was being put to Disney's Salvador Dali film. This reference is incredibly niche and we apologize.
@35:22 There's quite a few S Club 7 movies. Personal favorite is: S Club 7 Back to the '50s.
@45:23 The TikTok Ali references (but on YouTube).
@50:29 A reference nobody gets.
@51:55 As referenced last week, here is the Sonic The Hedgehog bar fight scene.
@01:31:33 Our Cameo from Nick Gage can be found on our Twitter!
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S1 E13: Home Cort. Bikers, beaches, big bombs, and buddies are the star of this episode! It's time for a game of ~~thrones~~ lifeguards.
Morgan's rating: 6.5
Michael's rating: 5
Episode discussion starts @08:10. Post-episode discussion starts @57:10.
Assorted show notes:
@09:38 Sonic The Hedgehog movie bar fight scene.
@44:05 Spoilers for the show Ashes to Ashes, a show nobody has ever watched, start at this time stamp.
@45:11 Spoilers for Ashes to Ashes end here.
@1:05:23 Aubrey Plaza impersonating Sarah Silverman.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S1 E12: Armored Car. Der he is!!
Morgan's rating: 1
Michael's rating: 1
Episode discussion starts @01:47. Post-episode discussion starts @13:31. Movie review discussion starts @15:23. Post-movie review discussion starts @01:46:38.
Assorted Show Notes:
@15:23 We are not tagging this movie because everyone who does seems to get their stuff taken down and you need those 12 minutes of Baywatch discussion!
@32:41 Here is said promo transcribed. Or if you want to watch the video version, which is even better, here you go.
@49:32 It's actually Invisible Man vs Invisible Stan and it's amazing.
@01:07:33 2nd semester of Spanish, Spanish love song.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S1 E11: The Reunion. In this episode, we discover how aliens control the beaches in an intergalactic, century-long war. I know this is scary, but if you listen to this episode, you'll learn all about how to escape them by stealing a car. If that sounds like too much work, just steal one of Ash's abandoned Tauros instead.
You can tell how much we loved this episode based on how much time we spend talking about Pokemon instead.
Morgan's rating: 3
Michael's rating: 5
Episode discussion starts @04:10. Post-episode discussion starts @01:09:29.
Assorted Show Notes:
@11:54 A compilation of The Californians skits from SNL.
@15:41 Craig starting at Mitch and Alison dancing with the subtitle of "Since I Cried".
@01:06:57 The Lapras scene from Pokemon...set to a music video. Go to the 1 minute time stamp.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S1 E10: Shelter Me. It's the legend of the stupidly named Watermelon Baby! In our wettest episode yet, we talk about effective storm prevention, an extremely boring "heist", and complain that Baywatch won't JUST TELL US THE NAMES OF ITS CHARACTERS.
Morgan's rating: 4
Michael's rating: 3
Episode discussion starts @04:00. Post-episode discussion starts @53:27.
Assorted show notes:
@25:47 If you wish to torture your ears, here is The Gerogerigegege's "Tokyo Dynamite" in full on YouTube.
@57:24 To simulate this experience, play this song in 3 tabs at the same time.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S1 E9: The Cretin of the Shallows. The Night Puncher teaches us how to punch with knives! Eddie has a weird date! The Magical Boat Delivery Wheel delivers us a very slow and very boring chase scene! We have technical difficulties that require us to rely on our lower quality backup recording! Just a real episode of an episode.
Morgan's rating: 6 (so dumb that it's a 6)
Michael's rating: 8 (for fun) 2 (for quality)
Episode discussion starts @03:04. Post-episode discussion starts @01:15:06.
Assorted Show Notes:
@21:46 The last boss of the game before Andross on the easy route of Venom in Star Fox 64 is a golem running away from you.
@28:46 Darby Allin.
@43:19 "Well, like most members of America's cultural elite, I worship Pan, the goat god" - Duke Phillips from The Critic.
@01:10:12 The demon Finn Bálor.
A love story between a man and a car. I Believe by FalCatrecon.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/26018740
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
Content Warning: Discussion of Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence
S1 E8: Cruise Ship. This is a bit of a longer one because we spent a fair bit of time talking about the portrayal of sexual assault in this episode.
We also talk about The Flash, Bluegrass-Disco, and the cooooolest character of all time.
Morgan's rating: 9/Tod out of 10
Michael's rating: 9/Tod out of 10
Episode discussion starts @10:14. Post-episode discussion starts @02:09:01.
Assorted Show Notes:
@19:15 The sad story of BulletBall.
@51:47 Morgan's wish is our command. Saturday Night Hay Fever is free, legally, on archive.org. Here's the link!
@01:11:28 Here is the Attitude Era Podcast talking about said promo which makes absolutely no sense.
@01:41:50 Here is a picture of the glorious Tod. This guy comes out of nowhere in this episode and is over the top 90s.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
The finale to this tale of...romance? And...acceptance? And...eroticism? And...aquatic fortitude?
https://archiveofourown.org/works/22604650/chapters/54022180
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S1 E7: Rookie School. It's a very special episode! We've got our first ever guest, Associate Producer of the Doughboys podcast and co-host of the Gentleman Overlords podcast, Robert Persinger for a discussion of Dragonball Z, Ghostbusters, Doctor Who, and some Baywatch as well. Come and join the Baywatch Rookie School mob won't you?
Morgan's rating: 7.5
Michael's rating: 8
Robert's rating: 7
Episode discussion starts @08:06. Post-episode discussion starts @01:31:16.
Assorted Show Notes:
@06:17 Please refer to this Neoseeker article from someone with way too much time on their hands who compares the Fusion Dance vs the Potara Earrings.
@23:11 The Nathan For You "I Love You" scene.
@39:10 A table from Wikipedia on the legality of bestiality state-by-state.
@41:08 Michael is making a reference to a joke from episode 4 of the podcast, our episode on S1 E3 Second Wave. In that episode there was a joke about the main villain's rat tail hair, the "Rat Tailed Mullet Men", and Iceman Chuck Liddell showing up to an art opening.
@01:11:50 Using this picture from Wikipedia of every incarnation of The Doctor as a frame of reference, are Michael's descriptions accurate?
@01:28:11 In simple terms, the Filioque establishes the existence of the triad Son - Jesus Christ - Holy Spirit. It's frequently contested between Eastern and Western Christianity in terms of doctrine.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S1 E6: The Drowning Pool. In which we discuss how much Fred sucks, wave math, the correct drink to have with your pizza, and the complicated politics of wolven prison reform.
Morgan's rating: 8
Michael's rating: 5
Episode discussion starts @03:14. Post-episode discussion starts @01:35:45.
Assorted Show Notes:
@31:10 Baywatch Movie Nights (Not all Baywatch related but very deep into the show so far).
@01:16:57 If you want to skip spoilers for the Watchmen TV show, skip to @01:18:17.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
Here's a little weekend treat for you. It's part 2 of Swimming in the Moonlight. Strap in, because there's some big plot twists this episode.
S1 E5: The Sky Is Falling. In which we go on a journey about relationships, therapy, Walula Washington, alternates for ice cream in a float, and a heist! We speculate on how Leon Trotsky and Buster Keaton had a dearth of writing juice. Turns out Dr Phil is not our Daddy.
Morgan's rating: 8.5
Michael's rating: 8.5-9
Episode discussion starts @07:35. Post-episode discussion starts @01:30:20.
Assorted show notes:
@04:16 You can watch music videos for (most) of the original songs from the remastered version of Baywatch here.
@04:45 Check out Kylie Diehl's soundcloud!
@04:54 Steve Bertrand's website.
@01:16:44 Dragon Ball Z Fusion Reborn plot synopsis.
@01:21:36 Brian David Gilbert's "Understanding Kingdom Hearts" video which is laugh out loud funny.
@01:22:53 Videogamedunkey's "Kingdom Hearts Explained" which is shorter and also laugh out loud funny.
@01:29:31 My Boo 64.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
It's fanfiction time! Enjoy the dulcet tones of Michael reading some fanfiction for you.
S1 E4: Message in a Bottle. It's the bad segue episode! Maybe if Morgan keeps making segues it'll become funny? Learn all about Idaho, beach fires, and helicopter chase scenes. Also we get into a long tangent about Super Mario DDR. Michael finally got his new mic!
Morgan's rating: 7.5
Michael's rating: 6.5-7
Episode discussion starts @08:20. Post-episode discussion starts @01:34:04.
Assorted Show Notes:
@01:25 Here is a clip of the fall: https://twitter.com/BulletClubIta/status/1302412376940204033. There is no blood in this clip but it might be uncomfortable to watch if you haven't seen a lot of Pro-Wrestling.
@39:52 If you want to know why Orange Cassidy is the greatest thing ever, please refer to this YouTube video. Also please refer to this VERY old video of a drunk Orange Cassidy holding a fish. Most say he is still hungover from this night.
@01:30:47 If you have 40 minutes to kill, please enjoy the exceptional odyssey of Funhaus's quest to unlock the song "Mothers Be Aware" in Dance! It's Your Stage.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S1 E3: Second Wave. It's Halloween and we're getting real spooky with it. Join us for an episode of cult-like surfboard burnings, overdone villain acting, bad movies, and more of our general nonsense.
Michael gets a better mic next week! Morgan also learns not to leave a fan on during recording later in the show's run.
Episode discussion starts @03:24. Post-episode discussion starts @01:30:37.
Morgan's rating: 7.5-8
Michael's rating: 7.5-8
Assorted Show Notes:
@05:40 Manos Hands Of Felt.
@09:49 The trailer for Neil Breen's "Double Down".
@24:36 Mostly the "Dead Person Impersonation" trope. Not exactly the same thing as the episode but it is used similarly to remove power from your "protagonist" in a way that makes you, the viewer, feel powerless to help them.
@46:15 A reference to the Reply All episode "The Case Of The Missing Hit" in which a man tries to find a song that has been stuck in his head for years, going as far as recreating it from memory.
@46:35 Referencing the Central Park musical number (time stamped for the scene from full film) from Creating Rem Lezar which is 1/3 Doo-Wop, 1/3 rap, and 1/3 ballad over violin.
@49:25 The Slap is an 8 episode mini-series based off an Australian series of the same name. It details the fall-out of a group of friends after one of them, at a party, slaps someone else's misbehaving child. The American version and Australian version are mostly the same, besides the fact that Australian television has far greater amounts of nudity.
@59:45 Here is an example of the Wall Of Death from an Exodus show.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S1 E2: Heat Wave. Hope you're feeling Hot, Hot, Hot because this week, things start sizzling as we hit a heat wave in Malibu. It's hot as hell and-much like our feelings about this episode-the water is cool, so dive right in.
We learn about the dangers of storm drains, the importance of lockers, the 5 Ls, and why you shouldn't tell professionals how to do their jobs if you're not in that profession.
Episode discussion starts @04:33. Post-episode discussion starts @01:14:45.
Assorted Show Notes:
@05:41 What we did not realize yet is that we are watching different versions of the show! Morgan is watching the original version and Michael is watching rips of the Amazon Prime version.
@10:44 Michael is lying. Baywatch brings her up many many more times.
@21:00 The Book Of Henry was best described as "an infectious movie. There's a decent risk that knowing about this movie will make you insufferable to friends and family as you insist on recounting every mind-numbing twist in excruciating detail."
@01:05:37 A reference to the convoluted time travel plot of the movie Primer.
@01:19:32 We are referring to Jared Harris.
@01:21:33 The YouTuber Clemps has gone over the lore of every game in the Drakengard/Nier franchises. His video on Drakengard 1 is essential viewing given it's now infamous lore. Especially since, other than Nier Automata, these games are not fun to actually play, just fun to talk about.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
S1 E1: In Deep. We made it to the first proper episode of Baywatch! While mostly a nothing episode of the show, quality wise, it does serve as a firm establishment of the relationship between Mitch and Hobie that is a fantastic highlight of this season. It's quite the odd choice for a first episode going just on quality but all of our key players are introduced.
Episode discussion starts @02:43. Post-episode discussion @01:05:44.
Assorted Show Notes:
Yes, we address next episode how Michael keeps calling Erika Eleniak "Erina" this entire episode.
@01:25 The theme song for season 1 (and only season 1) is "Save Me" by Peter Cetera. In non-Amazon Prime re-airings of this season, the theme song is the very different "Above the Waterline" (also called "Overboard") by Kim Carnes. For the Amazon Prime remaster, they use the season 2 (and onward) theme song of "I'm Always Here" by Jimi Jamison. For the rest of season 1, Michael will be watching the Amazon Prime remaster, featuring "I'm Always Here", while Morgan is watching the original version, featuring "Save Me".
@01:56 The band Sugar, lead by Bob Mould, released their debut album Copper Blue in 1992. In 1989 (1 week after the pilot movie aired), Bob Mould would release his first solo album "Workbook". This was a mostly folk rock album, which was quite different from his previous work heading the legendary Post-Hardcore and Hardcore Punk band Hüsker Dü.
@16:40 There are "songwriting camps" where a bunch of people get together and write songs. This infamous Vulture article details how these camps write songs for artists such as Rihanna.
@23:10 Please feel free to browse the Wikipedia article for Celebrity Fit Club so you too can immerse yourself in how Hollywood tried to commoditize guilt and fat-shaming based weight loss programs.
@27:13 https://shirtz.cool/.
@52:36 On the 22nd of September, 1989 (when this episode was aired), the U.S. Dollar to Japanese Yen exchange rate was 1 USD = 145.5 JPY. This means that 5000 Yen would have been worth 34.36 USD, even less than Mitch and Craig's closet by the beach.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.
Baywatch Pilot: Panic at Malibu Pier. The first mega-sized episode! We watch the pilot movie and talk about sweaters in summer, unlit cigarettes, bad depictions of mental health, explosions in the sea, and just generally bullshit. Note: the pilot does not need to be watched to start the show! We'll see you for episode one of the show proper next time, as we truly start our journey on the beaches of Malibu.
Also, we recorded in the same room for this one, so don't worry the audio quality gets better next episode (Michael gets a better mic soon too).
Episode discussion starts @08:49. Post-episode discussion starts @01:57:32.
Assorted Show Notes:
@02:53 Mädchen Amick, who plays Laurie in this episode, plays Shelly Johnson in Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me.
@05:58 To learn more about David Hasslehoff's role in America's fight over TV propaganda in Baltic countries, check out the documentary "Disco and Atomic War" by Jaak Kilmi from 2009. This is also the source for information on Baltic countries and their obsession with softcore porn films.
@08:23 The L.A. Noire face we frequently reference.
@11:46 The Baywatch wrestling episode is specifically about the actual WCW Bash at the Beach 1995 event. This episode (Season 6 Episode 15) aired the year after the event even though it was meant to promote the event. Whoops!
@17:10 If you want to torture yourself with The Gobbledy Gooker, the whole segment from 1990 is available on WWE's YouTube channel. This is the same pay-per-view where one of the most famous wrestlers of all time, The Undertaker, debuted. Also of note, is this segment where the Gobbledy Gooker hangs out with other wrestlers in the most campy fashion possible.
@41:15 For more information on "The Thin Blue Line" feel free to browse this Wikipedia entry that you can get the point of in 10 seconds of reading.
@45:55 Michael is referencing Krzysztof Kieślowski, famous for his Three Colours trilogy about the values that each color of the French flag represent. Across the three films he does fade outs that cut back to the actor in the same spot as if no time has passed. These are meant to imply deep thought or a subtlety to the scene in question.
@01:09:57 More detailed description of the Moabites and the Midianites (Ammonites).
@01:32:50 The Chris R scene from The Room.
@01:51:35 The Wikipedia entry for the movie Big Fish.
Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.