Blended - Navigating The Blended Family Experience: Recent Episodes
Jeremiah Wallace
"Blended" is a look into my personal life and exists as a resource for people that are also navigating the blended family experience! Here you will find the support, information, and the encouragement that you need to maximize the potential of your family unit.
It's more than likely that you've misinterpreted trauma for a hormonal outburst and vice versa. Eventully, running into this problem time and time again can be frustrating and cause us to walk on egg-shells. However, properly navigating reactions that resemble the last is possible!
It's hard to know who and what we're dealing with as we're raising our kids. One minute we're dealing with a composed and clear minded human being, and the next we're navigating emotional land mines without any idea of what the trigger may have been. When our kids have experienced traumatic events, they are bound to struggle in a number of ways and this will show up behaviorally. It gets even more complicated as they are going through the process of natural development which includes significant hormonal shifts on a regular basis. This presents an incredible learning curve for even the most informed parents. Listen in on how we've stumbled through our own journey!
There is such thing as a toxic coparenting relationship. While discomfort and challenge are common as we navigate the coparenting dynamic, being on the receiving end of what feels like an effort to make someone miserable is difficult for anyone. Taking the higher road may require our best effort as we resist being weighed down the effects of toxic behavior that impacts our own family as well as the child(ren). I know first hand that enduring this tug-of-war with your character in tact is nothing short of a miracle!
The co-parenting relationship can be challening to navigate in even the most civil scenarios. Which is why many of us are quick to throw out labels such as 'toxic'. Viewing the ex as the enemy makes sense though. It makes detachment easier and the opportunity to focus our frustrations in a particular direction can feel pretty good for a while. However, even if the label is justified, does it serve us to consider the other parent toxic? Does this perspective compromise our ability to hold up our end of the deal in the co-parenting relationship? Let's talk about it!
(Spoiler alert!!) The answer is yes and no... We as step-parents get better, and we get better at navigating family. As we accept the dynamics of our family that we can't change and deal with our insecurities, we become more confident and resilient. As we learn to prioritize what is most important and fight to get on the same page as our spouse, the uncharterd waters that used to overthrow you will become your stomping ground! So yes, it can get better ~ and so can you!
Moving forward requires dropping some weight! Close to one hundred percent of the time, in order for things to move in a direction of health and functionality, there are things in our lives that simply have to die (I'm not talking about harming anyone else, so please calm down). We have to stop breathing life into certain mindsets, relational dynamics, habits and tendency to be passive in situations that require our best. It can be a rough process, but what's the alternative??
What do we do when our backs are against the wall?! I've learned that we've all probably experienced this moment, we're going through it currently, or it's on it's way! The way that we respond in these moments tend to determine what's ahead for us and our families for the near, and potentially even distant future. There is always a way through, and you can expect to be better on the other side of even the most intense challenge!
If someone were to look at your efforts, what would that tell them about where you've placed your faith? We can say that we're believing for breakthrough in relationships or specific outcomes for our family, but our actions can express something entirely different. We need to move from a subconscious belief system to one that is intentional and stretigic about how we'll see our hopes come to pass. Alignment between our expectations and our actions is the key!
The best outcomes for our families requires us to be present and invested! However, if we're faking 'nice' or pretending to be interested because it's simply what we're supposed to be doing, then we'll miss the mark over and over again. Surviving the difficulties until we arrive at the promised land is an enticing option as we navigate family, but this posture is much more likely to produce the harms that we're trying to avoid. Faith, however, gives us both a confidence and an assurance of the things we long to see within ourselves and our family. Blended families must shift from surviving storms to locating the center of the chaos and taking hold of the peace that allows us to endure!
You don't make it to 11 years of marriage without some legitimate tests. While the idea of divorce wasn't something we entertained, we were definitely tempted to believe the thought that we'd be miserable because of all that came with our family. But, God!! Today, we can see the fruit of our efforts and the blessings on the other side of much heartache. Things are not perfect, but there is no question that our commitment to doing the right thing has made all of the difference. This moment of gratitude has allowed us to recall what we've been through, how we've overcome, and its stirred up some excitement about the things ahead!
Pride takes down families. Simple as that. It is as deceptive as it is destructive. If we were to closely examine the issues related to marriage and divorce, as well as other relational conflicts, pride wouldn't be too hard to find. Unfortunately, we all deal with it to some degree. Humility, on the other hand, is what strengthens bonds and makes way for the wisdom that we need to overcome even the most significant relationship issues.
As a stepparent, you may be tempted to prefer your biological child over your step child. This can show up in the form of comparison, inconsistent execution of discipline, or the outright shunning of your stepkid(s). There are plenty of reasons or excuses that we may use to get to this point, but this outcome is not uncommon! Correcting course so that we're not depending on our bio kids to affirm our identity or soothe our bruised ego is a necessary step.
We've addressed who it is that we prioritize during singlehood and the early stages of blending. It's time to talk about what comes first when things get serious. Getting this right for our family has not been easy, but it is without question one of our greatest achievements!
The process of blending your family is not a free-for-all! The decisions we make about how we spend our time, the well-being of our children and the proper way to invest into a love interest are crucial. This means we have to have our priorities straight. Depending on what stage you find yourself the person that requires your investment may look one way or another. Nonetheless, my wife and I have learned that a successful blend depends heavily on keeping the first things first!
While apologizing is can be considered difficult for obvious reasons, being on the receiving end of an apology can be just as hard for reasons that aren't so apparent. The temptation to open up the floodgates and pounce on the opportunity at hand can seem irresistable. Whether we want them to understand the full weight of their transgression, or we're hoping to share a little bit of the pain, being slightly petty during the "I'm sorry" is something we all have to face at some point. However, those long term results that we want, require grace and a whole lot of tact while we're in the process!
Another overlooked practice within the family unit, apologizing! This is a gift within every home and a skill to be developed. It's more than just saying "I'm sorry".... genuine apologies result in stronger connections as our homes choose the humility of admission over the pride of pointing the finger. Getting to this point takes time and what may feel like losses in the short term. However, the long-term benefits for the development of our kids and the intimacy within our marriages far outweighs the growing pains!
Being a parent within the blended family dynamic is incredible! When things are hitting on all cylinders and we recognize traces of a ripple effect that we can trace back to our efforts, there's hardly a more satisfying feeling. There may also be moments when we ask, "what did I get myself into?" It's in these moments that we can begin to question whether we would have made the same decisions and taken that same path had we known what lay ahead. Listen in on this episode as I get real honest about the times that I've asked myself this same question, and I'll share a recent revelation that has completely changed my perspective!
Venting is an important part of regulating ourselves (a.k.a maintaining sanity), and it should be prioritized! Letting a little bit of air out over time keeps us from imploding when we least expect it. However, we can't release our stress and worries in whatever way we please. I've learned first hand that we can't be careless about how we go about the process. Being strategic about who we choose to share some of our most intimate and tumultuous experiences with is among the most important decisions that we can make. In short, learning to vent well is a life saver!
Give proper attention to your mental wealth in 2025 by taking advantage of the Magic Mind 24 hour pack! Through the month of January the focus and sleep shots are bundled together at 45% off!
Just use my link this month get the deal - https://www.magicmind.com/BLENDEDJAN #magicmind #mentalwealth #mentalperformance
The step-sibling relationship can be tough to navigate. At times you hear about the kids getting along as if they've been reunited with a long lost sibling. In other cases, it doesn't seem as if they can even stand being in the same room together. At the end of the day, the kids have likely experienced more than their fair share of pain. This makes it especially difficult for them to accept the significant changes that comes with blending a family. During this episode we acknowlege the experience of our kids and what may cause strain in their relationship as well as how we as parents can promote peace and loving connection with our efforts and example.
Give proper attention to your mental wealth in 2025 by taking advantage of the Magic Mind 24 hour pack! Through the month of January the focus and sleep shots are bundled together at 45% off!
Just use my link this month get the deal - https://www.magicmind.com/BLENDEDJAN #magicmind #mentalwealth #mentalperformance
Considering everything that a child experiences within the blended family, it makes sense that their happiness is would be such a high priority. For other parents, it's also very difficult to take emphasis away from the development of their character and skills because those areas aren't getting enough attention. Which parent are you?? Doing right by our children and raising them with their best interest in mind is no easy task. This is not an outcome that we'll ever achieve if we remain on autopiolot! We have to be intentional about the outcomes that we want for our children and how we'll go about achieving them.
Give proper attention to your mental wealth in 2025 by taking advantage of the Magic Mind 24 hour pack! Through the month of January the focus and sleep shots are bundled together at 45% off!
Just use my link this month get the deal - https://www.magicmind.com/BLENDEDJAN #magicmind #mentalwealth #mentalperformance
Every blended family is a comeback story! Marquette Walker is an excellent illustration of this. Marquette relates to the samaritan woman at the well mentioned in the book of John. That woman was known to have 5 husbands, and Marquette can say the same. The woman at the well was also known to have a life changing encounter with Jesus. This is also Marquettes story! Marquette’s mental, emotional, and spiritual restoration has changed her life and she has become a source of hope and change for others. Whether you are in the middle of a comeback, or if you’re in need of some restoration, this episode is for you!
Resources for Marquette:
Website: marquettelwalkerministries.com
Email: mlwalkerministries@gmail.com
Follow: YouTube | Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn
Pick up her book on Amazon:
Divorced But Not Defeated: Woman You Will Win After This: Walker, Marquette L.: 9798989280636: Amazon.com: Books
There's no shame in being overwhelmed by all the things that come with being a Stepparent. Personally, I took it all on and tried to keep it together, until I couldn't. Immense stress, worry and frustration was my reward for carrying all the weight that came with navigating this process. However, I've learned that empathy, holding tight to what's most important for the kids, and surrenduring it all to the One who cares the most, changes everything. Freedom from this cycle of anxiousness is possible!
Excessive levels of worry and stress have become the norm for countless stepparents. Simply dealing with the struggles that have produced some level of anxiousness is not working. In fact, it's causing lasting issues personally and within our relationships. As stepparents, we need to figure out what we're dealing with before we can find the right solutions!
Ownership of our role as a stepparent, and closeness to our stepkid(s). These things may sound simple, but they can come with much challenge and confusion before things make sense. Do I have the right to refer to him/her as my child? What are the best moves to make in the face of resistance? How do I avoid causing offense or overstepping while also being everything that my stepchild deserves? If you've asked yourself questions like these, you're far from alone! Listen in as my wife and I discuss this very sensitive topic and how maintaining our convictions has led us to achieve both closeness and ownership.
Who doesn't want to be considered a good parent? We do our best, hope for the best, but what we get back isn't always the best. Sometimes it feels like our kid(s) have concluded that good parents make for better punching bags. If you can relate, your frustration is reasonable! However, we can't be so quick to judge our kids and sum up their behaviors as some form of disrespect or rejection of our efforts. Parenting is a race of endurance, and the good ones are willing to do the work to run well!
There's no question that the idea of affirmation has taken a turn for the worse. Kids are suffereing from confusion and parents struggle to find the right kind of support as objective truth is considered a threat. My guest Stephanie Winn is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, whistleblower against gender malpractice, and host of the podcast You Must Be Some Kind of Therapist. During this episode we address the social pressures being placed on families, the dangers of what is being called gender affirmation care and how we can properly protect and serve our kids in spite of what may be working against us. Stephanie is host of the podcast You Must Be Some Kind of Therapist You can go to Stephaniewinn.com to book a free 15 minute discovery call or take advantage of her services for a 60 minute call. Also, she will soon be launching a course for parents of youth with Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria who are looking for answers beyond affirmation. bio.site/sometherapist
The odds are against us.. Statistics suggest that a significant portion of marriages that include a child from a previous relationship end in divorce/separation. So how do we beat the odds?! After 10 years of blending our family, we can see clearly what has sustained us through even the most difficult moments. We've beat the odds, and we believe that you can too!
Parents have an incredible amount of power! We get to lead and shape the lives of the the next generation. No pressure! Unfortunately, we don't always do this perfectly. In fact, many mistakes are made along the way. One of the consequences of our misteps is discouragement. This experience exists well beyond the moment that the seed of discouragement is sown, and the effects can be severe. As parents we have to commit to learning from our mistakes and using our authority to encourage and build up our children. Their time under our care is limited!
Too often we have an almost lazer focus on the things that aren't going well. We can be quick to forget about the wins that we fought so hard to take hold of and give attention to the things that appear to be working against us. Even in the midst of challenge, we can see the good, stir up some much needed gratitude and gain courage to keep moving. Don't get hung up on the pain of resistance. Set your focus on the wins and there will be more to come!
As much as we may downplay it, fathers are so blessed when they're celebrated! To know that we are loved and supported by those closest to us is what matters most. We may not make this process easy though... Listen in as I discuss ways that you can celebrate the fathers in your life. This helps us to become better fathers, husbands and men on the other side of these moments. Guys, go ahead and make apparent what you want; and for those celebrating them, make sure they know that they're valued!
Email us @ - blended@navigatingtheblend.com
Schedule a consultation with Jeremiah here: https://calendly.com/renewyou-live/30min
Additional links for Blended: https://linktr.ee/jeremiahwallace
The power of the reset button cannot be overstated! So many of us have the habit of carrying all of 'yesterday' into our 'now.' The result is offense, mental and physical tiredom and we place expectations on others that aren't fit or fair. My stepdaughter unknowingly introduced me to this concept as she would quickly move past the not-so-positive moments, as if holding onto even the most recent history wasn't worth it. You'll find that this tool will come in handy on a daily basis (sometimes hourly), as we put forth our best efforts to blend well!
Anybody dealing with a little bit of chaos right now?? It's so easy for the things that are happening around us to incite responses that can resemble frustration, confusion, anger, axiousness or depression. But do we have to keep going through these cycles? Is our respsponse automated based on the chaos around us, or can we determine whether our peace will remain intact? I can assure you that we have tools at our disposal to combat the craziness!
I took the time to answer some blended family questions that I'm sure each of us can relate to!
Do you accept yourself? As you are? At this very moment?
Most are either slow to answer the question or quick to pinpoint areas that require some serious maintenance. However, it's not just possible, but it is necessary that we are content even in the midst of our efforts to improve. Each of us will have the opportunity to take a step toward acceptance as we work to become best version of ourselves and everything that our family could ask for.
Our walk does not always match the talk... You don't have to be a monster for a bit of hypocricy to show up in your parenting. In fact, the more we reflect the love and character of Jesus, the more likely we'll be to recognize the inconsistencies in the way that we lead. Parenting with integrity may require a bit more from us on a daily basis, but what it does for our families is well worth the effort!
Have you ever come to the realization that you're carrying wounds from a previous relationship? Have you underestimated the impact that yesterday's wounds are having in this present moment? Welcome to the club! Our relationships, especially our love interests, can result in emotional, mental and spiritual scars. Simply moving on from hurt and suspecting that we're ready for another commitment is insufficient for healing at best, and extremely dangerous in the worst of situations. With time, community, and forgiveness, we can all be healed. Even in the face of situations that have resulted in even the deepest wounds.
Realizing that you're a people pleaser is a tough revelation! What may have started as a healthy desire to provide support and satisfaction for others, can become an inability to hold back our precious time, attention and resources. When the gift of kindness has become corrupt, we can become the type of people that consider ourselves valuable based on what someone else has to say. Freedom is on the other side of those that break the cycle of pleasing others to our detriment and that of our families.
We can be "well meaning" in our efforts and genuine about our intent to love and support everyone that we encounter. Regardless, we will likely find ourselves on the receiving end of disapproval from others at some point. If we're being honest, this typically isn't a comfortable position to be in. In fact, this experience can be crushing. Especially if this sense of rejection is happening in our own homes. Nonetheless, continuing to build a foundation for our family, and establishing a level of self-respect that will eventually speak for itself, will shrink the voices of disapproval. There is hope for tomorrow, even if they don't like you today!
As an Associate Marriage & Family Therapist, Kristi Mears specializes in serving clients that have experienced trauma in relation to betrayal. Kristi has found that this issue in particular is pervasive in nature. This is in part due to the reality that intimacy within our relationships creates vulnerabilities. Nonetheless, our most important relationsips are best served as we give of ourselves fully, opposed to our decisions and actions being shaped by fear. Kristi shares with us her expertise and personal experience to help us understand what betrayal trauma is, and some of the steps that can be taken to overcome it!
If you're looking for help with betrayal trauma and/or the services of a Marriage & Family Therapist the you can find Kristi's services here:
integritycounselinggroup.com/kristi-mears
It has probably never been so difficult for two people to get on the same page! The confusion around relationships and how they should be done seems to be growing by the day. This is no way to build a foundation for the future. In order to avoid the moment where we're trying to define our relationship takes a counter-cultural effot of intention and living with clear direction.
Such a powerful conversation!
Margo was entirely unprepared for the moment when she realized that she was pregnant. The fact that there was zero stability in her relationship only made things more complicated. Unfortunately, her experience is not as irregular as one would think.
Margo was aware of the reality that she'd likely have to raise a child on her own. During the episode she also relays her experience as she briefly wrestled with the idea of abortion; a thought that Margo never imagined she'd have to consider. This conversation was a tough one, but she is evidence of Gods goodness in a tough situation. Her story is an example of what it means to fight for the things worth fighting for!
A child can hardly help but to be a reflection of their environment. Behavior, attention spans, demeanor, mannerisms and so many other indicators point to whether their needs are being met, or whether they're lacking in some way. Kathy Tempco has been working closely with young learners for almost 20 years. During this episode she speaks on her experiences of serving kids that have an ideal environment, as well as those that suffered from extreme lack. Regardless of where a child lands on that spectrum, the need for healthy parental/adult relationships and an environment of support, are a constant necessity.
When does the desire to help end, and the sudden responsibility to save begin? This is a line that we can't cross for everyones sake! Lending a hand or provideing support shouldn't result in the sacrifice of our well-being. Nor do we want to rob people of the opportunity to develop and build character during what may be a trying time. Operating with both grace and tact is no easy task!
Getting our kids to college can be difficult. The blended family dynamic tends to present additional challenges. Brad Baldridge has worked with thousands of families as a college funding specialist, so he knows what it takes for our kids to pursue a higher eduation! Whether you need information about saving for college, financial aid, student loans how to make sense out of it all, then Brad is here to help! Check out some of his resources below.
Website:
Baldridge College Solutions - Strategies For College Financial Planning
Taming The High Cost of College Podcast:
https://tamingthehighcostofcollege.com/category/podcast/
Our challenges don't determine whether we become victims; ultimately, we do. That may be hard for many to wrap their heads around considering the frequency of the offense and how deeply they've been impacted. Nonetheless, we have the ability to accept that those moments have had a residual impact and we can choose to let go, forgive, overcome, and be free!
Thick skin is a virtue for those of us navigating the blend! Without it, handling the challenges that we experience on a regular basis ends up feeling like we've gone into battle without the armor necessary to soften the blows. In other words, we need to develop some callous (the good kind)! Listen in on how you can develop some thicker skin while avoiding the familiar pitfall of becoming hardened.
Yes, the topic of sex is being addressed more openly these days. However, I question whether the content around this conversation is really serving those that aspire to do relationship the right way. Margo and I have experienced both great success and deep failure in this area. All of which has given us a better understanding and a more fulfilling level of intimacy in our relationship. Take a listen!
Regardless of what stage we find ourselves, we tend to face some really unique scenarios within the blended famliy. Listen in as I read some of those scenarios and share my two cents (or three), on a few of these blended situations!
Avoiding the perspective and approach of the a NACHO parent is a proactive effort! This effort is reflected in the way that we both prepare and remain at attention during crucial stages of our relationships.
Here are four things that we can do to almost guarantee a successful outcome and escaping the ‘NACHO’ mindset:
- Do Your Homework
Apple Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/blended-navigating-the-blended-family-experience/id1529370964?i=1000498130377
Spotify - https://spotify.link/pFmsV9lmmyb
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Don’t Bind Yourself Before Commitment
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Get Clear About What You Want
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The Right Kind of Support
Step-parents face unique challenges. Many of which can be difficult to prepare for and the need for resilience is without question. Nonetheless, the 'NACHO' approach isn't the way to go! It's impossible to apply the phrase "not my kid, not my problem," and fulfill our commitment to the best of our ability. Whether step or biological, as parents we function within certain limits. Regardless of the extent of our bounds, our job is to love, instruct, and shape our kids for their sake, not our own.
Is your stepchild two different people? Are they one person in your home and someone entirely different elsewhere? Have you become the home that is resented opposed to being the one that is preferred? All of the above are questions that we may entertain and desperately want to answer. But are the questions fair? Kids that go from one home to another, regarless how frequently that may happen, deal with much. Whether they want to be different people, or feel as if they have to in order to keep it all together, is hard to determine. However, what we believe about our kids will always set the pace, despite the challenges that are sure to come.
Much has been accomplished this year! None of which would be possible without the collective support of those that have listened and engaged throughout 2022. There's plenty of momentum as we move into the new year and we can't wait to see what's in store!
Among the many wonderful outcomes of being a step-parent, one of my favorites is the ability to pick your battles! However, this is a skill-set that we tend to stumble upon with a lot of time and much effort. Brett Kanda is no stranger to this process. In this episode he touches on the strain of being a leader and authority figure in his family, while also having to lay down his pride and a sense of control that tends to come natural to any of us. Check out this powerful conversation!
The stop-and-go of a child leaving the home and returning can be taxing for everybody. If relationships are strengthening, their departure can be deflating. If we look forward to them leaving, then we probably won't receive them well when they get back. Not to mention the tax on the child as they go from one space to another. Reminding ourselves to function within our roles and the outcomes we want to see in our family will help us to navigate this the right way!
There is hardly a more defeating or frustrating experience as a step-parent than to lack influence. Expressing an opinion or exercising authority within our families can be suprisingly difficult as everyone is adjusting. However, finding your voice as a step-parent is a must! This process often times feels like a balancing act where we're treading lightly, but not walking on eggshells ~ being flexible, but assertive ~ disagreeing at times, but not being disrespectful. Time, practice and teamwork are necessary for the step-parent to assume their role as they are both seen and heard!
A step-parent is an individual, a partner, a parent and a resource for restoration! Unfortunately, when these traits are lost among those that function within the role, we're left with fewer tools and an optimism that takes more effort to rev up than it used to. If we can define this incredible title of Step-parent, and accept it fully, I believe excitement, connection and hope will stay within arms reach!
If you'd like to connect for a free 30minute video call then please check out my availability via the link below!
https://calendly.com/renewyou-live/30min
This year has had its challenges! After stepping back for a bit I look forward to what's ahead for the listeners of Blended and those that will soon be part of the community! Back to posting podcast episodes on the 2nd and 4th Wednesday of each month and blogs will be available on the 1st and 3rd Wednesday of each month via our navigatingtheblend.com page. Stay tuned!
Tyler Jones is a product of the blended family! While Tyler may be a man of character, faith and well accomplished professionally, he has not forgotten the moments that shaped him. The opportunity to exercise hindsight concerning his experiences is a blessing for parents so that they're reminded of the value that they possess. Tyler also reminds those that grew up in the blended family that they weren't alone, and that despite the challenges, we can identify our values and pursue better for ourselves and our families.
Thrivent Values Worksheet:
file:///C:/Users/16198/Downloads/Values%20Worksheet.pdf
Those of us within the family unit can foster health and connection, or we can achieve the opposite. Sometimes we have to protect our family from ourselves! As parents learn to assume ownership and kids are continually supported, in spite of the challenges they present, we can cultivate something amazing in our homes. We should protect our loved ones from 'outsiders', but it's the 'insiders' that really need our attention!
If you'd like to connect for coaching or support, then please use the link below:
https://calendly.com/renewyou-live/30min
Carolyn is a prime example of a new wife and step-mother making it work! She's been in those roles for just over a year, so she's in the midst of learning on the fly as well as executing the plans that they have for their family. While no blend is perfect, her early success in family may be attributed tin part to her investment to health! As the COO (chief operating officer) and co-founder of Tiny Organics (tinyorganics.com), Carolyn is providing ready-to-eat meals for babies and toddlers. Listen in on the steps she's taking to create a foundation for their family!
Follow & contact Carolyn O'Hare:
@tinyorganics (Instagram)
@car0hare (Instagram)
https://www.linkedin.com/in/carolynmohare
www.tinyorganics.com
Carolyn is a prime example of a new wife and step-mother making it work! She's been in those roles for just over a year, so she's in the midst of learning on the fly as well as executing the plans that they have for their family. While no blend is perfect, her early success in family may be attributed tin part to her investment to health! As the COO (chief operating officer) and co-founder of Tiny Organics (tinyorganics.com), Carolyn is providing ready-to-eat meals for babies and toddlers. Listen in on the steps she's taking to create a foundation for their family!
Follow & contact Carolyn O'Hare:
@tinyorganics (Instagram)
@car0hare (Instagram)
https://www.linkedin.com/in/carolynmohare
www.tinyorganics.com
Our families are threatened by 'Outsiders.' That's anybody outside of our immediate family unit. We may care for and appreciate these individuals, however, our family must remain the priority. Listen in so you can use some of the criteria that determine whether we can allow someone to be intimately involved in our family, or if we may need to create some distance so that we're not compromised. It's not an easy discussion, but it's necessary!
If you'd like to connect for coaching or support, then please use the link below:
https://calendly.com/renewyou-live/30min
We're celebrating our Anniversary with you, the blender fam! You guys sent in some questions and we chose to touch on eight of them for each year that we've been married. Some good stuff in this one!
Humility and authority work closely together for the sake of strengthening relationships and providing the means to function effectively in all that we do. When they are in full operation within our homes, health and prosperity are commonplace. This is no bluff! Humble authority is a treasure worth seeking and the jackpot is undeniable once you get your hands on it!
Listen in as I open up a Blended Family Support facebook page and share my two cents on some of the posts! Whether my advice was effective or not, it was a little too much fun!
Melissa Miller has an enriched perspective in part due to her roles as a wife, a mother to biological children, and those that they've adopted! During the episode she spoke into the importance of preparation before making decisions, working together within a marriage, and how not to lose yourself in the midst the list of life's demands.
Whether you want to understand your partner, or you're trying to understand where you stand as of now and how to move forward with your faith, sanity and health in tact, this one will serve you well!
For more of Melissa's content you can order her book:
"Restful Anticipation: Finding Contentment in Seasons of Waiting"
or the book in which she co-authored entitled:
"What Other Moms Never Told Me."
You can also tune into the podcast that she co-hosts along with her husband Brandon Miller entitled:
"Home Run At Home"
Information withheld can be detrimental on both a personal level, as well as within our relationships. If what we bring to the light allows for us to live freely, then what are the consequences of what we keep in secret? If we want whats best for the sake of our families, then we also want transparency and the freedom tha tcomes with.
Creating culture in our homes can be done with or without intention. The former is in our best interest! The family huddle is a tool that we exercise in this home that allows for us to achieve security, expectations, and hope! I strongly belive that this is something that we can benefit from in each of our homes.
Even as men, we tend to misunderstand the male perspective! We can pursue things such as the woman of our dreams, a family, and career, with great intention. All-the-while lacking the ability to communicate what we need from our loved ones along the way. Understanding his perspective is vital for himself and the health of the family unit!
A whole and healthy family absent of resistance is a dream we often aspire toward. Reality may consist of coming to a point of asking ourselves whether we made the right decision to pursue this relationship. It's okay. Most people come to this crossroad! You can be dilegent in your efforts to answer that question and arrive at the best outcome for yourself, and everyone else involved.
As parents, our authority isn't just something we use to correct our kids and enforce peace within our homes. Our authority is also vital for the sake of providing protection, security, and an example of what they can aspire toward among so many other things. Yet, we often make the mistake of compromising our authority without even knowing it. Listen in on a great conversation between the parents of the Wallace household!
None of us are exempt from difficulties. However, the way that we interpret those difficulties will leave us either stagnant, or stronger once our trial has passed. Michcell is a perfect example of an individual that wouldn't settle for the hand that she was dealt. Instead, she learned to redefine the very experiences that tried to rob her of the joy and fulfillment that she now has!
The average person associates family, fun and food when it comes to holidays. However, these moments can be full of strife for blended families for countless reasons. However, even in the face of those challenges, our priority should be to create peace and fulfillment for our kids during times of celebration.
If divorce is hard on the adults, then we can safely assume that its consequences are incredible for the children involved. During this episode, Kathy Tempco recalls her experience as a child subject to her parents making this very decision. She candidly discusses some of the missteps of her parents, along with what this trying and confusing time had reaped in her own life.
As parents, we want to avoid the friend-zone at all costs! Our kids need us to fully assume our roles in their lives, as their parents ,so that they can realize their potential and purpose. If we don't function in their lives as we should, then fulfilling their potential will becomes a much more difficult task.
Our children require so much in order for us to raise them up as healthy and capable individuals. Although they've been assigned to our care, by no means are they our property. Appreciating their real-life process and giving them them a small seat at the table as their parents lead the way, can and will make all the difference in their lives.
Episodes for Blended will be posted on the second and fourth Wednesdays of each month starting in October!
The power of celebration cannot be overstated! Spending all of our energy and focus on maintaining or preparing for the trials to come tends to work against us in the long run. Instead, we should create a culture of celebration so that we can both see the progress being made, and the incredible potential that our families are just beginning to tap into.
During this episode Tom and Kim relay their experience of working to blend their families while facing opposition from an ex spouse. Despite learning how to navigate these challenges on the fly, the health and well being of their marriage and children have remained the highest priority! Listen in on how they've gracefully overcome the odds!
You aren't the only one that is offended, trust me! If we aren't experiencing it today, then it's likely that tomorrow has something special in store. It's all about how we overcome the threat of offense and avoid the unimaginable outomes that we think are so far from our reach.
The blended family can provide the perfect soil for the seed of offense to not just grow, but flourish. This makes hesitating to ask the question 'am I offended' especially dangerous.
The divide between what culture values and healthy relationships, is only growing! Believe me, it's worth going against the grain for the sake of our relationship and the ripple effects that our bond will produce within our homes.
Whether we like it or not, culture has had a say in our idea of what relationships are, and the way that we should operate within them. Its influence has reaped division in our relationships and unfortunate outcomes. It's time to replace these unfulfilling beliefs with truth, along with the things that will ensure the success of our relationships.
Describing our relational outcomes as either a success or a failure is almost impossible apart from the emotional consequences. That same difficulty can be applied to the relationships that are present in our lives today. However, assessing what was and what is, has to be part of our process if we have any desire to be better, and/or expect better for ourselves.
The power of two individuals that come together on a mutual front can be powerful. However, this outcome is only possible as these individuals get past emotional/hormonal inspiration and function in a way that's consistent with their commitment. The impact that we have within our relationship and in our families is often times determined by whether we can continue to choose intimacy with our partner, or settle for something less.
Whether we are told something over and over, or we are simply exposed to a specific phrase over time; we can adopt these sayings as our own personal beliefs and end up suffering as a result. It's important for us to acknowledge and challenge these beliefs for our sake personally, and for the sake of our family.
The blended family and its quirks provide plenty of opportunity to grow and improve within our respective role, and as a person. This is especially the case for step-parents, and I can say that from experience! We tend to need a pep-talk and to be reminded about the things that really make the difference, so listen in on a couple of things that I've learned that continue to prove themselves useful.
Creating a blended family is a process that requires great intention. This attention to detail should exist well before dating, during a relationship that's gaining momentum, and even 10 years into a marriage relationship! Listen in as Margo recounts her experience as a single parent that wasn't going to settle for anything less than what was right for herself and her young daughter.
A step parent has the incredible opportunity to make lasting change in lives of those that they impact directly! This is achieved by operating with focus and intention on a daily basis, but just as importantly, staying on course to bring about the long term outcomes that fuel our efforts. The issues of today pale in comparison to the rewards that lie ahead of a step parent that operates with both grace and authority!
Battling the idea of being "the other" isn't a foreign experience to the step-parent. Feeling like an outsider looking in, and confusion concerning our roles, are just a couple of the obstacles we face that only affirm this very challenging narrative. However, as challenging as this mental foothold may be, it is possible to fulfill our role as a partner and parent with excellence despite any circumstance that may attempt to suggest otherwise!
As a step-parent hopeful or someone dating a single parent, it's necessary that we do our homework and find out if we fit for them, and they for us. Much is at stake when we enter into this process so answering those big picture questions should be a must before moving forward.
The impact that we have as parents is incredible! Whether that impact will be for their good, or to their detriment, depends on what we do with the opportunities that we're given every day.
If you don't assert your value, then your value will be assigned.
Before engaging in another dating relationship, single parents should allow significant time to heal, learn from mistakes, be attentive to child(ren), and re-establish their value.
Tools that can be used to assert value:
1. Behavior: Actions identify values.
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Communication: Clarity concerning what the expectation is and what won't be accepted.
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Progressive Work: Being in pursuit of something and heading in a specific direction.
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Community: It's best to have people to support you and cover your blind spots.
The goal isn't to find someone that's good for a single parent and their child, the goal is to find someone that is right.
Counting the cost is the process of honestly and unselfishly gauging whether someone is willing and able to pursue a relationship with the intent to create a healthy, functional blended family.
A single parent cannot perfectly determine whether someone is entirely prepared for that commitment and ready to do the work to make it work over time. However, there are some indicators that could provide clarity concerning readiness:
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Behavior - actions and daily conduct over time
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Communication - ability to convey understanding, emotional experience, and empathy
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Personal Progressive Work - involved in support group, schooling, church, mentorship, etc. (putting themselves in positions to be challenged and held accountable)
Ending a relationship with your child's mother/father is one of the most difficult decisions that someone will ever make. Even if that relationship is full of abuse and dysfunction. This was the decision that Margo had to make for her sake, and the sake of her young daughter. When to know enough is enough. Figuring out how to follow through with your conviction; and then facing the reality of how you got here, are all things that she had to face.
It's essential that we identify, assume, and function within a specified role. We need a standard to operate from! It is our job to hold ourselves accountable and we should invite those within our family to hold us accountable to that expectation as well. Upon realizing where we are needed, we can then determine how to be most effective!
The health of the family unit is trending in the wrong direction, and blended families are even worse off.
Marriage (the pinnacle of human relationship)
- 50% of marriages end in divorce
- 75% of divorcees remarry (60% of those marriages end in divorce - the percentage increases with more marriages)
Marriage has been diluted and it is affecting all levels of relationship:
- Friendships: underestimating the power of influence
- Dating: Tends to be driven by sex, status and satisfaction
- Authority Figures: lack of respect due to broken promises, identifying imperfection in others, and self-preservation
X vs. Y(upside down)
The X represents two people intersecting/landing on the same page, and trajectory, based on past and previous experiences, lands them on opposing destinations
The upside down Y represents two people intersecting/landing on the same page, but despite trajectory based on past and previous experiences, they choose to identify purpose, exercise urgency, and intentionality within their relationship. This allows for growing together opposed to growing apart.
Children
- 25% of youth from divorced families end up with serious social and/or emotional issues (this applies to 10% of people with parents that remained married).
- 70% of children of divorce say that divorce is an acceptable alternative to an unhappy relationships (40% of youth with parents that remained married agree).
Cohabitation
- Definition: one or both individuals in a relationship have children from a previous relationship and they're living together outside the confines of marriage
- 46% of children, by the time they turn 16, will have experienced their mother cohabitating
- 50% of kids that are subject to a cohabitating relationship will experience separation at the age of 9 (20% of youth with married parents will experience divorce/separation by the age of 9)
https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2015/12/17/1-the-american-family-today/
http://www.stepfamily.org/stepfamily-statistics.html
'What is family?'
Families need to answer this question to establish a strong foundation and direction for each individual and the family as a whole.
Society is a reflection of the condition of its families:
- Family impacts those within the family
- Those within the family impact people in their circles
- People in the circles impact their own families and circles make up the community
- The collection of communities is what makes up society
Dr. Myles Munroe message:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfU-s69cxjU&t=1785s
Principles that should be functioning within each family:
- Socialization
- Protection/Preservation
- Identification
- Accomodation
- Liberation
- Classification
- Transformation
Two things that should be done as a blended family to get the process started, or to continue the process of determining what family is:
- Understand that because of the blended family dynamic, that your family has been compromised.
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the principles that should be functioning within the family are hindered as a result of a lack of parental control, identity struggles for both child and parent (especially step-parent), inability to protect child completely due to plethora of potential influencers, etc.
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Figure out what family is / Establish what your values are for your family specifically / Determine your direction as a family (what family looks like at the height of its operation)
Intro to Jeremiah
Born in Chicago / Raised in San Diego / 31yrs old
Interests: Jesus / Seeing people become their best
Why Blended Exists:
- Personal experience within my blended family and the lack of existent information/support available
- Both the good and the bad stories that come about as a result of the blended family dynamic
Goal Of The Podcast:
- To see blended families thriving
- Providing support, information and encouragement for anyone navigating the blended family
- 25 to 30 minute episodes every Wednesday