WifeMotherLeader Podcast: Recent Episodes
Donielle Buie
WifeMotherLeader is a show that provides inspiration and practical advice on how to successfully integrate the roles of wife, mother, and leader in today's hectic and stressful world.
I gave a “career path” talk recently and outlined 4 key lessons that I had learned along the way. What I actually discovered was that those lessons had shaped me as a person and how I live my life. Alignment between work and life is so important and these lessons might help you:
- Plan in Pencil
- Trust Your Gut
- Create a Point of View
- Be Her/Him/Them
When I was 30, I imagined a grand celebration (maybe an exotic trip or a huge party) for my 40th birthday. I imagined a different body, career, home, etc. As I look back on celebrating my birthday, the only word that comes to mind is gratitude. Tune in to this episode to hear what I am grateful for at age 40 and how I celebrated!
www.wifemotherleader.com/coaching
I am turning 40 this coming week so there’s been a lot of time for reflection on my life and choices. This episode isn’t going to focus on that. But, I have landed on a couple of questions that I want to keep asking myself this year and throughout the next decade. So, in this episode I am going to share these two questions in the hope that they might help you wherever you are on your own personal journey. What am I afraid of?
What will I regret?
www.wifemotherleader.com/coaching
One casualty of the pandemic that we aren’t talking about is marital relationships. Living through a pandemic puts a strain on everyone and everything. In this episode, I share about the lessons that I’ve learned about marriage in 2 years of the pandemic. There are some important things that I’ll be taking with me from this season so help our marriage be even stronger.
Looking to talk or connect. Check out my free 20 minute laser coaching:
www.wifemotherleader.com/coaching
We’ve been in this pandemic for nearly two years. Life still feels locked down/restricted and yet the work continues. Schools are back in session, but at any time your child could come for days or weeks either with COVID or with an exposure. In this episode let’s talk about practical ways for you to get some relief: meal prep, house cleaning, laundry, kids, mental health and physical health.
Want to talk? Need some advice?
www.wifemotherleader.com/coaching
I love goal setting and planning. I’ve shared on this podcast in years past my goal setting process and areas. I have goals for this year but in this episode I am focused on my intentions for 2022. Tune in to learn about the difference between a goal and an intention and how you can utilize both to become the person you want to be. This is about WHO you want to be in the world, not about what you want to achieve.
Want to connect with me to talk about your goals or intentions for 2022? https://www.wifemotherleader.com/coaching
Right as the pandemic started, we had been hoping to get pregnant with our 4th (and final) child. However, the uncertainty of a pandemic was too much for us to try and navigate along with remote schooling for our kids, remote work, and just trying to stay
I’ve had more crucial conversations at work in this one year than I’ve had in my entire career. Part of that is because I lead a team and have a leadership role within my department. Part of it is because I lead with my values so I can’t sit by and
We’ve all heard the numbers about the Great Resignation. But, the real question is should YOU leave your job? What questions do you need to ask yourself to know if there is any hope where you are, if you should move to a new organization or if you should take a break from work altogether? Tune in to this episode to walk through each path to help determine your next move.
Are you tired, exhausted, overwhelmed? Have you found yourself being more irritable, less focused, less patient, uninterested in things that you care about?
This year has worn us down and many folks are at a breaking point and may be close to or experiencing burnout, mental exhaustion, and even physical symptoms.
In this episode, we talk about being willing to share what you are experiencing with someone you trust and how to take steps to get the support you need.
Resources:
- Therapy for Black Girls
- Innopsych
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/
- https://www.betterhelp.com/
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Sign-up for a free 20 min flash coaching session www.wifemotherleader.com/coaching
In episode 76, I shared about my goals for 2021. I talked about focused on key habits in several areas of my life, along with a few achievement oriented goals. Well, I wanted to follow-up immediately with examples from this past week so you see the ups and downs that come with goal setting and habit building, even when you are focused on areas that you have complete control over!
Looking for connection or support? Sign-up for a free laser coaching session at www.wifemotherleader.com/coaching
Have you made it through Q1 of 2021 without any goals for the year? (Raising my hand!). I am ready to set some goals, but first had to have an honest conversation with myself about what I actually have control over.
Listen to this episode if you want to understand how the illusion of control can sabotage your goal setting! I’ll share my habit goals in 4 areas of life (personal development, marriage, parenting and career) as well as my achievement goals. Finally, you’ll learn a quick way to set your own goals for the rest of 2021.
Looking for some quick, free coaching tackle a work-life challenge? Go to www.wifemotherleader.com/coaching
There is no way I will record a podcast without talking about what happened in Atlanta on Tuesday, March 16th and the rise in anti-Asian violence in 2020 and into 2021.
Racism is alive and well. Sexism is alive and well. Structural racism and government sponsored racism was renewed and accelerated by #45, but it’s always been here.
In this episode, I talk about showing up as an ally (what to do and what NOT to do). I also share with my Asian American and Pacific Islander brothers and sisters about how they have power over how, when and with whom they engage on this subject.
You know you need a break! You’re exhausted and running on fumes. But, how can you actually take a break, especially during COVID? In this episode, I share about the restart of my hotel night away and share other ways that I build breaks into my day/week/life. Listen in to learn sustainable and practical ways (big and small) to build breaks into your life.
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I’ve learned some important lessons in the last year. My birthday is a great time to reflect on them. I want to approach the last year of my 30s with wisdom, humility and boldness.
Lessons learned include:
- My story and my experience have value to others
- I have a point of view that is based on education AND lived experience
- I have zero interest in showing up in a space and not being able to be myself.
- Calm and grace under pressure are remarkably valuable
- There are opportunities in front of me every day to give and serve
- I can’t have it all
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2021 is not a rebound year. Giving yourself the space to acknowledge the fear and loss of 2020 is important if you’re going to move forward in hope.
In this episode, Donielle shares the fears she dealt with in 2020 along with how she is walking in hope for 2021.
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Marriage takes work even in the best of times. But, marriage during a pandemic must also take on stress response, tight quarters, no alone time, financial challenges, etc.
Sharing the load of childcare, trying to keep working, and the stress of what we are experiencing collectively in our national and world is going to expose the cracks in your relationship.
One article I read talks about how those cracks can become a fracture.
In today’s episode, I share how those cracks can be an opportunity to strengthen your relationship by putting in some “reps” on relationship muscles that will serve you well beyond this experience.
Today’s episode focuses on communication, grace and giving the benefit of the doubt.
- Communication
- Finding time to connect each day, and not just about chores, kids, etc.
- Sharing challenges or grievances without blaming
- Don’t rush to solve things in a single conversation
- Speaking up when you need something
- Example
- Grace
- What we are experiencing requires us to show grace to ourselves and to each other
- Definition of grace
- Example
- Benefit of the doubt
- Building trust
- De-centering ourselves
- Seeking to understand
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www.wifemotherleader.com/coaching
You're committed to being anti-racist, learning and want to take action! But, what should you do next and where do you start?
In this episode, I share how you can create a personal plan to use your resources, time, and skills to address racism. Don't be discouraged or afraid. You can take both small steps and big leaps!
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The third episode in my series on race explores my experiences in the workplace, which were actually formed by my experiences as a student.
I share about explicit and implicit experiences of racism, both at the system level (policies, etc) and personal level with interactions with co-workers and managers.
This is one of the most vulnerable episodes I have ever recorded. Laying bare my feelings, frustrations, and hurts. And, you'll understand why to this day I still have to shape and mold myself to fit into white spaces when I first start a job.
Every Black person's experience is unique, but there are common threads that you'll hear in my story.
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Comparison to others and sky-high expectations about ourselves is often framed as a competitive motivational tool. However, it often results in self-criticism and discontent. I see it in myself and in others that I coach and support.
During COVID, if you have some semblance of financial stability or security during this time, the pressure to use this time for self-improvement, reflection, reading, self-care, etc. is rampant and dangerous.
And, I am one of the people telling you to take care of yourself. Telling you to find a way to engage with black and brown people in a meaningful way if you care about eliminating racism. Last week, I told you about my coping mechanisms like audiobooks, exercise and even regular sex.
And, yet, I am telling you right now to lower your expectations. Your #1 goal in a pandemic is to survive with your health, both mental and physical, intact. Your #1 goal is the health and safety of your family, to the extent that you have some control over your immediate household and what you do.
Second, if you have a job, your #2 is to keep you job such that you can provide for yourself.
Listen to this episode as I outline 3 Steps to lowering your expectations in a way that actually promotes long-term success as the person you want to be.
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Is your go to chocolate, Netflix, or scrolling Instagram?
We are all finding ways to cope. Some healthy. Some....well, not.
In this episode, I share some of the things I am using to cope, process, and entertain/escape. It's fun, honest, and practical.
Things I talked about in the episode:
www.beautycounter.com
www.Teambodyproject.com
https://www.marklauren.com/apps/
https://sallysbakingaddiction.com/
Books:
Seeking God’s Face
Stamped From The Beginning
How to Be An Antiracist
I’m Still Here: Black Dignity in A World Made for Whiteness
Compassion and Conviction
The Vision Driven Leader
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www.wifemotherleader.com/coaching
Join me in an honest, funny and raw conversation with licensed therapist, Kelley Anne Bonner, as we talk about burnout. Kelley shares what burnout is and how to recognize it.
We talk about why so many women are close to or already experiencing burnout, including the ways in which we try to address it by being more productive and just trying harder (hint: those don’t work!).
In our conversation, Kelley shares her 3-step framework to help you get in alignment so that you can address your own burnout, or prevent it.
As two black women, we also discuss how COVID-19 and the racial climate in America are contributing to the collective exhaustion and risk of mental health challenges.
This is an important and wonderful conversation that you should take time to listen to and share with someone who needs to hear it.
Connect with Kelley: https://letsburnbright.com/
Instagram: @letsburnbright
Please take a moment to review and subscribe in iTunes
Sign-up for a free 20 min flash coaching session https://www.wifemotherleader.com/coaching
The second episode in my series on race focuses on the importance and beauty of Black Love and Black Marriage in a world that is racist.
I share about how my husband and I have created a safe space in our home and marriage to be our full selves while unpacking the racial injustice that we experience.
Listen to examples of how everyday experiences with race play out and how it we try think through and unpack them. While our marriage is unique to us, the experience is likely similar to what many Black couples face.
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As I shared in episode 61, we need to be talking about mental health. Our mental and emotional health needs the same level of support and care that we give physical health.
In today's episode, I have a conversation with Dr. Christine Forte, a licensed counselor and host of the Mental Oasis Podcast. Christine and I talk about meditation and how it can be an important tool to help busy women (and men!) who are juggling so many things.
And, in our current experience of a global pandemic and a deepening conversation about race in America, you need to protect and preserve your mental health. Listen to the entire episode, as Christine does a guided meditation in the episode to give you a taste of how meditation can help calm your mind. Use this as an opportunity to commit yourself to a new habit!
Links:
Mental Oasis Podcast
Calm App
Headspace App
Enjoy this episode? Subscribe in iTunes or Spotify and share it with someone else!
Looking for some advice or help during this time? Sign-up for a free 20 min coaching session:
www.wifemotherleader.com/coaching
A deeply personal episode where I share my thoughts, anger and grief over the America that I've known for 38 years that many are just waking up to.
Listen to my thoughts on how important it is to understand systemic racism before you can start supporting and helping.
I'll also share why supporting, standing in solidarity and even allyship are minimums if you really want to see change.
Self-care has become an overused mantra that only adds guilt because it’s one more thing you are not doing! During this pandemic, I’ve tried to find small ways to care for my mental, physical and spiritual health.
In this episode, I dive into each one to help you identify ways you might include self-care into your daily life and why it doesn’t necessarily mean massages and manicures:)
- Sleep
- Eat as healthy as you can
- At least 1 day of “self-care” (hair, non-pajamas or sweats, makeup if you wear it, etc.)
- Exercise 4-6 days per week
- Carve our alone time
- Pray Daily
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May is Mental Health Awareness Month.
In the midst of COVID-19, the need for mental health support has only increased. While it would be great for employers to cover mental health services and provide support, many do not. So, for now, it’s up to you to advocate for yourself and get the support you need.
You are not alone. There is help and support. In this episode, we will talk about where to find it.
- We need insurance and policy makers to address mental health like they do physical health.
- Until this happens, we need to take it into account ourselves
- Your goal is to maintain your mental health and potentially learn new strategies and coping mechanisms. Depending on your circumstance, you may be going after these things on your own.
- Stress Management: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/stress-management.htm
- Mindful.org: https://www.mindful.org/meditation/mindfulness-getting-started/
- Apps
- Calm App: https://www.calm.com/
- Headspace App: https://www.headspace.com/
- Your organization's employee assistance program
- Therapy
- Betterhelp: https://www.betterhelp.com/
- Talkspace: https://lp.talkspace.com/
- Faithful Counseling: https://www.faithfulcounseling.com/
- Regain (individual and couples therapy): https://www.regain.us/
- Teen counseling: https://www.teencounseling.com/
- See a provider in your health insurance network
- Online Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: https://www.learntolive.com/
- Prayer/Scripture:
- Dwell App: https://dwellapp.io/
- Greater Good Magazine: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/
-
Mental health stigma is dangerous and must be addressed
- Learn about the resources and share them with your family, colleagues and team
- Ask HR to share resources
- Be transparent about how you’re doing
-
Share this episode
- Sign-up for a free 20 min flash coaching session
- https://www.wifemotherleader.com/coaching
Happy Mother’s Day!
In today’s episode, I share 6 things that have become clear and in-focus during this global pandemic. Some are lessons that I already knew that are being reinforced and a few are new things that want to take with me when this pandemic is over.
- God’s grace is sufficient to sustain me
- My children’s mental and physical health is a gift that I don’t take for granted
- My kids are not judging me, they are longing for me
- I need to be playing more
- In an effort to not helicopter, I was too hands off related to school
- I am a better mother when my cup is full
Enjoy this episode? Subscribe in iTunes or Spotify and share it with one other mother!
Looking for some advice or help during this time? Sign-up for a free 20 min coaching session: www.wifemotherleader.com/coaching
Today, I want to talk about WORK. Yeah, that thing we are supposed to be getting done during a pandemic, while caring for kids, worrying about our parents, cooking 3 meals per day and keeping our homes extra clean.
Sounds ridiculous when I say it like that. And, yet, if you are still able to work, that is a blessing, as so many people have lost jobs and thus income.
About 3 weeks into this, I was on a call and noticed that I wasn’t “myself”. I first attributed it to fatigue, some anxiety, and the total change we had experienced. And, while that is all true, I think something deeper was happening. Not only was I not at 100% (who is?), I was actually changing my behavior and pulling back on the way I show up at work. And, this is not judging or being harsh on myself during a pandemic. I actually was struggling because I knew that I wasn’t being myself.
On this episode, I want to share a few things that I learned and how I moved forward, including showing up as that person at work this week and having some awesome team members reach out to based on a direct response I gave (typical of me:))
- What you need to understand: No one is at 100% right now.
- Be honest with yourself about how you’re doing. Look for evidence, data, or even feedback that you’ve been given.
- Be honest with your manager about how you’re doing. If you need help, ask for it.
- Have a discussion about the prioritization of what you are working on.
- Identify the specific strength that you bring to your team. Focus on those, even if you’re not at 100%
- Focus on quality and not quantity.
- If you don’t have a system to track what you are working on (trello, basecamp, asana, etc, figure out a system to help keep you sane) you need to get one. It can be just for you.
- Each day, identify at least one important thing that you need to work on. Spend the first 30 min of your work time on that thing
It would be ridiculous of me to not address the realities of home that I can say with nearly 100% certainly are having an impact on you.
- Ask for what you need from your spouse. More cooking? More help with kids? More flex? If you don’t feel like things are being split correctly, this is the time to speak up (in love).
- Decrease you information intake
- Find someone to talk to. Connect with a trusted friend, sister, mother, etc.
- Bring mindfulness into your life. Maybe you tried it before and it didn’t work. Try again.
- Do at least one self-care thing per week, and more if you can.
- Sleep
WifeMotherLeader Coaching
- Sign-up for a free 20 min flash coaching session
DeLise Bernard and Dericka Oddoye , the creators of Surviving Homeschool share their journey of creating a community of parents navigating the challenges of becoming “instant homeschoolers” due to COVID-19. From the moment that their own lives changed to the quick and deeply thoughtful way they created this virtual “PTA”, which now has over 5000 members, you don’t want to miss this interview.
Dericka and DeLise provide some great practical tips including:
- How to create a schedule (and give your kids choice)
- What to do to address the dreaded “I’m bored” (brilliant idea!)
- How to help your kids be more self-sufficient using the “fend for yourself” technique
- The best way to utilize online resources
- The important of recognizing the emotional toll this has taken for kids
Additionally, DeLise and Dericka share their own personal realizations and during this time and how it’s helping them be kinder to themselves, recognize their own strengths, and be braver in a time when they’ve been called to serve others in such an important way. This is a conversation you don’t want to miss!
You can find Surviving Homeschool on these platforms:
Surviving Homeschool Sports Clinic (Saturday, April 25)
In this episode, health coach and fitness expert Rene Kennedy shares 6 tips for supporting your immune system during COVID-19 and all the time. Rene also shares her journey from being someone who was always health conscious and active, even studying exercise science in school, to working in healthcare technology. A layoff soon after her first son was born led to pursuing her passion for helping people achieve better health.
Rene first talks about how the immune system works. Then, she shares tips that are practical, with specific examples to help you incorporate them, even during the COVID-19 lockdown.
About your immune system: 10:55
Circulation and lymphatic flow: 13:40
Sleep 19:07
Nutrition: 24:09
Stress: 26:59
Herbs and supplements: 33:57
Cleanliness: 38:30
Stellar Performance on Facebook
Stellar Performance on Instagram
Listen to the end to learn about the contest Rene and I are running to give away 3 health coaching or virtual personal training sessions! www.wifemotherleader.com/rene
This is an unprecedented time for everyone.
In this episode, Donielle shares the lessons that she’s learned (so far) during the COVID-19 Pandemic.
Tune in to hear the challenges, lessons learned, and practical advice to help you navigate working and teaching your kids at home, while trying to take care of yourself and everyone else!
It's honest and practical, just what you need during a time like this.
Lesson 1: Lower Your Expectations (4:45)
Lesson 2: Have Some Fun (18:03)
Lesson 3: Create a Flexible Schedule (21:08)
Lesson 4: Don’t Forget About Your Spouse (28:53)
Lesson 5: Seek Resources, But Don’t Compare or Beat Yourself Up (32:45)
Lesson 6: Find A Way To Help (36:51)
Lesson 7: Take Care of Yourself (39:34)
Resources Mentioned in this episode:
- Surviving Homeschool
- The Measured Mom
- Beast Academy
- Dwell Bible Reading App
- WifeMotherLeader 20 Minute Flash Coaching
Tune in to hear Laura's amazing story of how a life-changing accident changed her relationship with herself, with those who love her and with chaos. Her journey is a powerful story of resilience and grace.
Key points
- There will be moments in your life that test your inner strength
- Everyone has a story. Remember that when you are interacting wtih people.
- No matter what happens to you, your outlook that you take is your choice
- Life can be chaotic, but don’t let the chaos define you. Don’t label yourself negatively
- Get help from your family, friends and community. Life is not meant to be done alone
- If you are feeling overwhelmed, break things down into small steps. Focus on one day at a time.
- It’s ok to grieve, whether it’s a loss or traumatic event or just a path that you thought your life would take. You don’t have to just keep going and getting things done and “be strong”.
- How her faith and family has helped her process this situation
Learn more about Laura and her business at Impressions Marketing and Events
What are you doing for your birthday?
This simple question prompted me to think about how much I downplay my birthday, not because of my age (I’ll be 38 on Monday), but because of this season of life. It feels like there is no time for me to plan a birthday event for myself.
Of course, I could make time, but my default is to prioritize the other 20 things going on in my life.
So, on this birthday episode, I am going to share 9 ways that you might think about celebrating yourself, especially on your birthday. This will include things that OTHER people can do for you, if you’d let them
- Day off from work.
- Birthday dinner with your local friends
- Hotel Night away (check out Episode 32: Mom’s Night Away--My Secret Self-Care Weapon)
- Take a trip (check out Episode #50: Life Design with Lauren Lambrecht)
- Self-Care Day
- Take yourself to a Movie
- Learn something new / take a class
- Buy that thing you’ve been wanting...yes, go ahead.
- Throw yourself a party
It’s Valentine's day and there is going to be a lot of focus on love:) Yay, love! But, I am going to challenge you to show love to yourself in a tangible way this year.
Free Invest in Yourself Guide
You hear a lot these days about how the future is female and if you invest in women, you help everyone. That is often shared in the context of developing countries, but it’s true more universally. When you invest time, money, expertise and resources into women, you get an insane ROI because those women invest that into their families and communities and everyone does better.
Now, take that concept home and into your own life. The time you spend learning, growing, investing in your career, in your health, focused on your finances, your marriage and your parenting are all going to benefit the people who are in those relationships with you. Namely, your colleagues, your kids, your husband, your friends, etc.
In today’s episode, I am going to lay out a quick framework for creating and “Invest in ME plan” for 2020. If you’ve already set goals for you, you can use that and translate it into how you will invest in yourself. You don’t need to set new goals, necessarily. I just want you to go through the goals you have set and identify which ones are an investment in YOU
www.wifemotherleader.com/blog/investinme
We all have too much to do and not enough time.
One of the things I want to do more of this podcast is share resources that I have actually used to make changes in my life.
The book, Essentialism, by Greg McKeown, is one of those resources. I read essentialism several years ago. I can actually trace my journey to my current job and to the relaunch of this podcast to some of the lessons in that book.
In today’s episode, we will explore some key questions that you can ask yourself to use the power of Essentialism in your own life.
Additionally, I’ll provide my top takeaways from the book as well as a resource guide that you can download.
- What am I deeply passionate about?
- What taps my talents?
- What meets a significant need in the world?
Knowing what your priorities and drivers are at work, as well as your communication preferences is critical if you want to succeed and feel fulfilled.
Checkout the free strengths and assessment guide at: https://www.wifemotherleader.com/blog/assess
In today’s episode, Donielle helps you explore key questions including:
- What type of work do you love doing?
- What team structure do you prefer?
- What type of work do you hate doing?
- What is good for you to keep doing regardless of how much you like it?
- Do you care about the mission of the organization that you work for?
- What are 2-3 specific things you are trying to get out of this position/role/season of your career?
- What are your key drivers for working?
- Which personality/communication style assessment have you taken previously or do you plan to take this year?
Checkout the free strengths and assessment guide at: https://www.wifemotherleader.com/blog/assess
In today's episode, Donielle interviews Lauren Lambrecht of Verve Leadership (www.verveleadership.com).
Lauren is a certified coach who specializes in life design and transition coaching. Lauren’s clients have successfully navigated major life transitions, including identifying and landing their dream job, acclimating to leadership roles, passing professional certification exams, and rejuvenating relationships with partners, family members, and themselves.
Tune in as they discuss:
- The biggest mistakes people, and particularly women, making as we navigate our careers?
- What is career and/or life design?
- How does one actually design their career?
- What parts of one’s work is actually “designable”?
- What if you face resistance from your spouse/partner What if you face resistance at work?
This gon' be my year!
Happy 2020:)
In this episode to start 2020, Donielle shares her themes (song, word, action and scripture) for 2020.
Listen as she shares:
- What I am leaving behind in 2020
- Judgement
- Fear-based decision making
- Lack of accountability
- What I am taking with me into 2020 or starting in 2020
- Accountability
- Action over analysis
- Listening
- Themes!
- My theme songs: India Arie Just Do You / This Gone Be My Year
- My theme word: Create
- My theme action: Tracking
- My Theme verse: Colossians 3:23-24
Check out www.wifemotherleader.com/blog/2020 for a Free Theme and Accountability Planner!
What does it look like to show up as your full self at work?
Between navigating the culture and politics of an organization, it can feel like there is no room for your to bring your full personality, experiences, gifts, skills, and opinions to work. T
his is especially true for women and people of color.
So, how can you navigate the terrain and make the space for yourself? Today, I want to talk about how to show up as more of yourself more quickly.
- Don’t change your game plan of proving yourself and building relationships
- Be gracious and curious
- Don’t gossip and don’t take on other people's issues or perceptions of others in the workplace. Heed warnings but judge for yourself
- Let your guard down when you are in 1:1 interactions (slowly)
- Don’t alter your personality to “fit” the organization of the team. That is exhausting and if you start doing that, you’ll have to keep doing it or risk being fake, etc.
- I’ll share what it looked like for me to how up full in my current job, which is my 4th job in my career.
- I’ll also reflect on my three prior jobs and discuss how I wish I has shown up
How can you successfully navigate a changing environment or challenging culture at work?
How do you determine if you should stay or if you should go? What happens when you get stuck or your performance is subpar?
In today's episode, we tackle the issue of external challenges and internal struggles at work. Specifically:
- What should you do when people (including your boss) leave?
- What if the the environment or culture is toxic?
- What should you do if you when you get stuck?
- Where do you turn when you’re not performing well (bored, overwhelmed, lacking skills, etc.)?
You’re likely reading this after some form of a Thanksgiving gathering/meal. Maybe you traveled or maybe you stayed put and hosted. Maybe (but I doubt it) the day was only full of joy and loving emotions. More than likely, it was a mix of love, laughter, chaos, some emotional tension or frustration, and maybe a meltdown.
While I’d love for this to be an episode that only encourages you, my most important goal with WifeMotherLeader is meeting women where they are, in the messiness of family and work life. That mix isn’t always pretty and is almost never balanced.
So, I am grateful for you. I am grateful that you take time to share your journey with me. And, I am grateful that I get to have my own journey, even when it’s messy and hard. I hope that in the midst of this holiday, you have things to be grateful for, even if they are messy.
Happy Thanksgiving.
As I reflected on this year, the things I am most grateful for are:
- Change
- Accountability
- Self-awareness
- Becoming a better listener
- My Faith
- My Family
What are you grateful for this year?
Today’s episode is going to focus on a highly practical topic of understanding and maximizing your benefits at work. Now, depending on the size of your employer you'll see a huge variety in the benefits offered. But, whatever the size, you can and should be maximizing what they have to offer.
Step 1: Understand all of your benefits
Step 2: Identify gaps or things that you want to follow-up on
Step 3: Discuss with your spouse/partner
Step 4: Keeping things on your radar and make friends in HR
Over the past month, I shared a series focused on marriage. Throughout that series I shared tips and strategies, but not a lot of actual resources.
This podcast is providing the practical elements if you are looking for tools and resources to help you improve your communication, especially in relationships and marriage.
I am going to share 3 books and a DVD/video.
- Bible
- The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of
- Commitment with the Wisdom of God by Tim Keller
- The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
- Laugh Your Way to A Better Marriage by Marc Gungor (DVD)
We are finally coming to a close of this Marriage First Series! I hope you enjoyed last weeks episode in which I interviewed my Husband, Cullen. We had a blast and if you listened you got a glimpse into our relationship dynamics and how much fun we are having on this journey called marriage!
Now, our marriage is not perfect. None are. But, we’ve worked hard, especially in the area of communication, which is the focus of today’s episode.
You hear it all the time at work and in life generally--communication is the key. So, I’ll spoil things for you if you’re hoping for something deeper in this episode.
Clear, thoughtful and ongoing communication is critical to marriage success. But, getting to that place is the topic of today’s episode.
- Question about not speaking ill of your spouse from Episode 41
- Marriage Communication Framework
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- There is almost no such thing as a single conversation in marriage. We don’t make complex or challenging decisions in a single conversation
- Step 1: Introductory conversation after we identify that we need to make a decision or address and issue
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- When we have a big discussion (where to move, healthcare options, more kids, job, aging parents, etc.) we start with an introductory conversation
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- Share how we are feeling or what we are thinking
- When do we want to come back and talk again (scheduled if needed or something it’s just saying, lets keep this ongoing)
- Step 2: Follow-up conversations
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- When we come back together we share how we feel now. What have we learned since the last conversation?
- Are we ready to make the decision? If so, then we make it.
- Once we make it, we still revisit and check-in.
- Step 3: Next Follow-up conversation, if needed OR Check-in if we made a decision or resolved the issue.
- Best Practices:
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- Understand each of your communication style and personality types. You want to anticipate what challenges your two styles will have when communicating with one another.
- Express your feelings respectfully--treat yourself like a toddler--use your words and talk about your feelings.
- Understand how you behave when you’re upset
- Assume best intent
- Find a way to calm yourself before going into the conversation.
- Don’t behave like children when talk
- Listen and seek to understand
In this episode, a long awaited guest joins the show!
My husband, Dr. Cullen Buie, comes on to answer some questions about the lessons he’s learned in marriage and advice he would give husbands and wives to build a loving and thriving marriage.
Tune in to hear his very wise and often funny perspective on things. And, if you’ve wanted a glimpse into our relationship dynamic, this is your chance!
Who listens to a podcast to hear policies? Sounds totally boring, right? Well, today’s episode is important, not to listen to the policies Donielle and her husband have, but rather to help you think about your own.
In the past two episodes, Donielle has been sharing about the concept of being marriage first. If you haven’t listened, you can check out episode 39, which focuses on what it means to be marriage first and episode 40 which talks about some marriage first habits.
Today, she shares some policies in her own marriage. They don’t fall in the category of habits, because they are closer to guidelines that they both have committed to following.
1. Create the policies together and agree to adhere to them
2. Act loving even when you don’t feel like it.
3. Don’t speak ill of your spouse to other people
4. No “L” relationships
In last week’s episode, Donielle shared about being marriage first and why that is the framework that she and her husband live out in our marriage.
This week’s episode is focused on the how as much as the why. Last week, was the why and this week will focus on the how.
Donielle shares 6 habits that from her marriage. Some of them you will have heard discussed before and some haven’t been explored on the show yet.
First, why focus on habits? Habits are the daily actions that build our lives. It’s the patterns that we adopt and the things that become second nature to us. And, they are important because we can create them and break them. That means we have control or power over them. And, in a world where we don’t have control over much else, including our spouse and their behavior and habits, taking control of your own is quite empowering.
- Prayer Together daily
- Have a regular date night
- Build in Sex and Intimacy
- Serve One Another
- Work on Your Communication Skills
- Share Your Dreams
Being marriage first means that we believe one of the best things that we can do for our kids is to have a strong marriage. It provides them safety, stability and, hopefully, an example for later in life. And, it provides us the relationship that we dreamed of when we got married and vowed to try and create.
Why be marriage first?
- Having kids certainly changes your marriage, but it doesn’t (or shouldn’t) redefine it
- When you’ve seen divorce, you see the work it takes to make marriage work very differently
- Marriage Takes Work
- Kids at the center is bad for kids
- Kids at the center is bad for you
We all feel stuck at times. It sucks! But, often we don't know a systematic way to get unstuck.
In this episode, Donielle shares a 3-step process to get you unstuck:
- Acknowledge that you are stuck.
- Decide if you want to get unstuck (or if you want to quit, which is ok!)
- Use some creative strategies to start getting momentum.
The process takes some honest conversations with yourself!
Excitement for others is great, but it’s not sufficient.
In this episode, Donielle shares why you need to be excited about where things in YOUR life are going, as much as you’re excited for those you love and support.
Donielle shares some key lessons including:
- Why excitement for other is not enough
- How to avoid the trap of the BIG thing you’re excited about
- Where your excitement should stem from
- Questions to ask about what you’re excited about
- Questions to ask to figure out what you can get excited about
The job of parenting is only getting more complex. It can be an overwhelming and lonely experience, as we share less with each other out of fear of judgment.
In this second part of the series, Donielle shares how the role of coach needs to be incorporated into parenting as your kids get older. You still give them love, support, guidance, and discipline, but you also have to figure out how to share advice, wisdom and help them learn to weigh the consequences of their decisions.
Further, Donielle shares the importance of finding other parents to share with, while making sure that you don't fall into the trap of comparing. These strategies are simple, but not easy. Tune in for a thoughtful discussion and practical examples that every parent can relate to.
The job of parenting is only getting more complex. It can be an overwhelming and lonely experience, as we share less with each other out of fear of judgment.
In the first of a 2-part series, Donielle shares strategies on how to approach your parenting goals from a holistic framework, including academic, social, vocational, financial, emotional, spiritual, and physical goals.
Further, Donielle shares how she and her husband try to keep the focus on long-term outcomes, even in the midst of day-to-day parenting challenges.
We all have dreams and goals for our children. For many of us, college is one of those dreams. But, what should you do at each educational transition to help your child prepare? What does the right amount of support look like? And, why have so many parents crossed the line into being too involved?
In today’s podcast, Donielle has a great conversation with Dr. Pamela Ellis, also known as The Education Doctor®. Dr. Pamela shares her own journey from being a leader in business to finding her passion helping students and parents successfully prepare for K-12 and college.
Tune in to hear Dr. Pamela share:
- How she found her why
- The steps she took to transition from her business career to getting her doctorate in education while raising 3 kids! How to work backward from your goal to help you achieve it!
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- How she found support for her goals
- The classic productivity book that Pamela re-reads every few years
- How Pamela remains calm in the midst of a stressful work
- 3 Ways that Pamela works with parents and students
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- Helping students understand their why, not just a particular school
- Ensuring the students have the proper support in place (parents, school and coach)
- Planning (the college planning roadmaps for 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th grades)
- As a parent, how do you decide what type of help you need?
- What are the skills you should be helping your child develop throughout their schooling, from elementary school to middle school to high school?
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- Academic
- Social
- Financial
- Vocational / Personal Development
- The biggest mistakes that parents make along the journey
- Resources:
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- www.howtofindtherightcollege.com
- www.Compasscollegeadvisory.com
In this episode, I share my personal testimony at the DuPage AME Church Women's Day Lunch in June 2019. Listen in to hear about my journey to peace, even in the midst of challenging life circumstances.
Have you ever imagined leaving your family for a night so you could get a break? A full nights rest, maybe some time to think without interruption or just a freaking bath?
In today's episode, Donielle shares details on how she regularly takes a night away from her family in order to re-charge.
You'll Learn:
Why taking time to recharge is important and why it's different than just getting a break for a few hours.
How do you actually get away (how long, where, how frequently)?
What the heck do you do when you finally do get some time to yourself? (Hint--remember that stuff you used to do before you had kids)
What objections are going to pop into your mind and tell you that this is not possible? Money, time, your family needs you, your husband wouldn't be supportive, you don't deserve it, etc. WRONG!
Bonus--learn how Donielle plans to take this to the next level.
In this episode, Donielle shares how she went from stressing out about how much she "had" to get done this summer, to embracing a few key tasks she wanted to accomplished.
Here are some practical tips to help you enjoy your summer and still feel productive and refreshed:
- Use your vacation time strategically
- Commit to 1 self-care practice
- Pick a specific organizing project.
- Connect with friends
- Have fun! Try something New
- Sleep!
Rebecca Xiong is a serial entrepreneur, wife, and mother.
Originally from China, she is passionate about helping parents connect with each other. Rebecca built an app called Yana that helps parents connect locally. They can ask each other questions, share about events and classes, and plans meet-ups.
My conversation with Rebecca is funny, thought-provoking and super practical. She's a mom of 2 who is balancing her career and family while helping others do the same. Listen in as Rebecca shares why she rejected perfectionism parenting and has embraced "good enough" parenting. She'll share the 3 research-based things that she focuses on as a parent.
- Rebeccas Origin Story: 1:30
- How raising a family in the US is different from her childhood: 5:30
- The Challenges she kept hearing from parents: 6:45
- How Rebecca finds connections for herself while also helping others connect, especially immigrant parents: 11:00
- What is Yana and how does it create community?: 16:10
- How the fear of judgment impacts parents: 20:24
- Good enough parenting: 21:40
- 3 Most important things in parenting: 22:20
- Why appreciation is important to her family: 28:30
- What Rebecca wishes she had known before becoming a parent: 33:49
Do you have favorite apps to help make your life "work" successfully? Are you looking for recommendations or hacks to help your home run better, manage your money, have more time to think, or just find great new content?
In today's show, Donielle shares some of her favorite apps and tools. She shares the apps for grocery shopping, meal planning, personal development, and personal finance that help her on a daily basis.
Here are the tools/apps mentioned in this episode:
Instacart (www.instacart.com)
Amazon Prime (www.amazon.com)
Target (www.target.com)
Dinner Daily Meal Planning (www.thedinnerdaily.com)
SkinnyTaste (www.skinnytaste.com)
Fitbit (www.fitbit.com)
Focus at Will (www.focusatwill.com)
Audible (www.audible.com)
Apple Podcasts App (https://www.apple.com/itunes/podcasts/discover/)
Goalsetter (www.goalsetter.co)
Everydollar (www.everydollar.com)
Redfin (www.redfin.com)
Do you have favorite tools that you want to share with the WifeMotherLeader Community? Email them to donielle@wifemotherleader.com
You know you need it (and your family does, too!). So, why do women feel guilty about taking a vacation from work?
In this episode, Donielle talks about the importance of vacation for you AND for your boss.
- It's your time. You earned it!
- Your mind and body need the rest.
- Taking a vacation can teach something very important to your boss and your team
- The distance from work can give you a perspective on work challenges and opportunities.
- You can return with clarity
- Bonus--if you can take a no-kid vacation, it can be great for your marriage!
In this week's episode, I interview Bianca Baader of Haus Pixie Organizing and Staging.
My confession is that while I was always organized in school (and now at work), I was/am messy at home (mainly clothes and papers). It's now limited to my own bedroom and not the rest of our house, but it's still a struggle for me.
Then, if you throw 1) kids, 2) a tendency to hold on to things too long (think pack-rat, not a hoarder) and 3) a Boston-sized apartment you'll appreciate my challenges!
So, a bit over a year ago, I hired Bianca to help me get my sh&t together before starting my new job. It was a great experience! I remember Bianca helping me to determine what I needed to get rid of without judgment, but with some tough questions and push-back again my instinct to hold onto things I didn't need or use.
And, what took things over the top for me is that we actually took the items to the Goodwill for donation. My husband and I had done some closet cleaning (thanks Maria Kondo) prior to hiring her and there were three large garbage bags of clothes that sat in our bedroom for months.
In my interview with Bianca, you'll hear about her fascinating journey to becoming a professional organizer and home stager, how she helps people and her own advice on marriage and parenting.
Mother's Day is a wonderful day, but it can also be emotionally exhausting. Whether you are just thinking about becoming a mom or you are deep in the struggle, I wanted to share just a few words of encouragement today.
My hope for you is to be encouraged when you feel like your not enough, joyful when you are sad and frustrated, hopeful when you feel exhausted and cherished even when the "thank yous" seem non-existent.
You are doing your best. You are not alone.
As you go through your week, please remember:
Mothers still have to mother on Mother's Day! Even with all the celebration, there are people still counting on you, still asking you for things and still expecting you to meet their needs. Tomorrow is just Monday, so what are you doing the rest of the days to make parenting sustainable?
Motherhood is a sacred role, but it doesn’t have to be your everything. In fact, it shouldn’t be. You have purpose and value outside of being a mother. Women who don’t have children have purpose and value and if you didn’t have them you would still have both of those things, too. It’s ok to still need fulfillment from other areas of life.
Perfection is not the goal. There are no perfect mother (or fathers). Give yourself some grace. No one else is expecting perfection from you.
Every time you don’t feel like doing something with or for your kids, think about if you’ll miss having the opportunity in 10 years or even 5 years.
Encourage another mom you know. Your words might really have an impact on her.
Mothering is as old as time. Seek some wisdom from mothers who have gone before you. You don’t have to reinvent it even if you want to customize it for your own family/children.
This week’s podcast gives you a behind the scenes on how I am progressing on my 2019 goals.
I decided to open up and “grade” myself. I don’t think that you have to do it this way, but I know myself well enough that looking at a grade or performance will motivate me, especially for the goals where I am not progressing as fast as I would like. I am committing to doing this process every 90 days, although I probably won’t podcast about it every time.
I set goals in multiple areas of life--spiritual, financial, health, marriage, parenting, personal development, and relationships.
I am going to review every area on this episode but will keep it brief.
Most of the time spent parenting focuses on our kids and what they need to do or learn or how they need to behave and respond to life.
Today's guest challenges that idea. Ruth Freeman, a parenting coaching at Peace at Home Parenting and licensed social worker with over 3 decades of experience working with parents and kids, says that parents need to spend more time on their own thoughts and behaviors. How we raise our kids is a direct product of our own upbringing, fears, expectations, and societal norms
Today's podcast focuses on some specific ways that you can translate self-love into your daily life. Remember, self-care is really self- love in action. So, consistent self-care is what you do because you have self-love.
6 Ways that you can put self-love into action:
- One Hour Per Week of "Think Time."
- Say No
- Speak Up (especially at work)
- Use some everyday hacks to free up time
- Invest time in something you care about / a hobby
- Extended time away (not just a few hours)
In today's episode, Donielle gets personal and talks about self-love, including her own personal journey from perfectionism and negative self-talk to a place of deep peace and joy.
In this episode, you'll learn:
- How self-love is different from self care
- Why self-love requires you to talk differently
- How self-love demands that you advocate for yourself
- How self-love teaches you to forgive yourself
- Why self-love matters to you, your marriage, and your kids
In part 2, Donielle continues her conversation with Caroline about how she built her business with three young daughters and a supportive husband. Listen as she talks about supporting other moms, asking for help, and being flexible as you try to build your career and family!
Donielle interviews Caroline Johnson of Belly Rebuild to talk about abdominal separation, also known as diastasis recti. Learn about how this common post-pregnancy injury can be healed non-surgically.
Donielle shares key lessons she learned on the journey from being a working outside the home mom to an at-home mom for four years and then rejoining the workplace.
You'll learn practical tips on how to maintain your network, return to work with confidence, think differently about the skills you learn managing your household, why no one can have it all, and why you should pick work that matters to you.
This is the final episode in this series where I share key lessons from 12 years of marriage.
Lessons 4-12 weren't necessarily in a particular order, but 1-3 are. These are the 3 most important lessons that I have shaped our marriage.
These are what have made the most difference and what I would tell an engaged or newly married couple if I only had a few minutes to share some advice.
In this episode, I focus on the following lessons:
- Lesson 3: Teamwork makes the dream work
- Lesson 2: Pray together daily
- Lesson 1: God must be at the center
In this 4-part series, Donielle shares her top 12 lessons from 12 years of marriage to her husband, Cullen. Listen in as she shares thoughtful, genuine and actionable advice to help you build a great marriage. Whether you're engaged, a newlywed or a marriage veteran, you'll find something that can help you in this series.
This part 3, she focuses on lessons 4-6, including:
- Lesson 6: Like is a feeling. Love is an action.
- Lesson 5: It will be the things you don’t plan for that determine the success of your relationship
- Lesson 4: Great sex is a by-product of a great marriage (not the other way around)
Questions or feedback? Email Donielle at donielle@wifemotherleader.com
In this 4-part series, Donielle shares her top 12 lessons from 12 years of marriage to her husband, Cullen. Listen in as she shares thoughtful, genuine and actionable advice to help you build a great marriage. Whether you're engaged, a newlywed or a marriage veteran, you'll find something that can help you in this series.
This part 2, she focuses on lessons 7-9, including:
- Lesson 9: You have to advocate for yourself.
- Lesson 8: Kids are a gift from God, but shouldn’t be the center of your entire world
- Lesson 7: My interests are my interests and so are yours
Questions or feedback? Email Donielle at donielle@wifemotherleader.com
In this 4-part series, Donielle shares her top 12 lessons from 12 years of marriage to her husband, Cullen. Listen in as she shares thoughtful, genuine and actionable advice to help you build a great marriage. Whether you're engaged, a newlywed or a marriage veteran, you'll find something that can help you in this series.
This episode focuses on lessons 10-12, including:
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Change yourself, don't change your spouse
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Being vulnerable helps you be understood
-
Cheerleading is a skill you must learn
Questions or feedback? Email Donielle at donielle@wifemotherleader.com
What do you do when you can't juggle all the balls you have in the air? Have you ever stopped to take a pause? If you did, did you guilt yourself the entire time because you "weren't living up to your potential"?
Join Donielle as she un-pauses the WifeMotherLeader podcast. In this episode, she will challenge you to lower your expectations and how that can free to to actually achieve what you really want.
Did you have a plan for your marriage?
Do you wish that you and your husband had some important conversations before you said I do?
In today's episode, Paula Holt, a marriage educator shares great insight for women who are committed to building a strong marriage, resilient kids, and a great career. Her advice is spot on for women facing the everyday pressures of family life and wondering if they can make it all work.
Some of the things we discuss during the interview:
How an episode of the Oprah show focused on post-wedding letdown inspired Paula to learn everything she could about marriage and ultimately become a marriage educator
The advice Paula would give to women who are dating
The advice Paula would give to engaged and recently married women
What do you do when you want to shift the balance between the “mother” role and the marriage and leader roles?
What books every couple should read
For the past few episodes we have been focused on the marriage relationship. That’s on purpose because it is so important to your other roles.
Today, I wanted to ask what seems like an simple question: Do you make each other better?Does your husband make you better? Do You make him better?
Now you could easily just answer yes, no, or I don’t know. But I think a deeper dive into the question can provide some real gems about your marriage relationship.
Consistent date nights are a great way to build a strong, healthy marriage. Dating your spouse is different, yet just as important as before marriage. This episode is going to focus on the benefits of a consistent date night and the key things you should do to make date-night a success!
In Episode #10, we explore 5 specific things you should NOT do when you have a disagreement with your husband. Learn how to "fight fair" and resolve issues like grown-ups!
In Episode #9, we teach you how to focus on your priority roles so that you can experience major progress in a short period of time! Also, learn the key lessons that Donielle will share about successful "focused intensity" periods.
In this episode, we focus on practical ways to prioritize your roles so that you can achieve success in the areas most important for you. Donielle shares how she is currently prioritizing her roles, how she addresses conflict, and how she is planning for the shift in priorities that will come in just a few weeks!
In this episode, we focus on how to define success on your own terms. We look at 7 key areas of life that you need to review for holistic success. Donielle helps you rate yourself, create an action plan for improvement in areas that are weaker, and shares her own results!
In the first interview on WML, Donielle introduces you to someone who has had the most profound impact on her life. Moreover, she is a seasoned and successful WifeMotherLeader. Drumroll…….
Donielle's mom, Helen Newell. She is going to share her journey as a WifeMotherLeader. You'll hear in this interview how she had planned our her life when she first got married and had to adjust when one of her roles changed unexpectedly.
Helen is the mother of two successful, grown children and 4 grandchildren (soon to be 5!). She is also the primary custodian for her 91-year old mother.
Listen as Helen shares how she overcame adversity, keeps a positive attitude, and the new challenge that taps into her experience as a WifeMotherLeader.
In this episode, Donielle shares 6 lessons (thats not all of them) from her journey as a WML thus far. These 6 lessons can help you become less stressed and more effective in your work, marriage, and with your kids.
In this episode, Donielle shares who has been on her team in the past and who is currently on it. She will share lessons learned and advice on how she utilizes help from her own support network. Remember, not every WML is going to have every one of these people on her team. The key is to define which tasks and roles would be most helpful for you during this season of life. That could change in 6 months or in 2 years.
We kicked off this podcast with a series about building your home and work teams. Now, there are two related elements in this process that are critical enough to warrant their own podcast episode. It's probably not something that you've considered before, but it's absolutely essential for the teams that you are building to succeed. So, what are they?They are your vision and goals.
Ok, before you check-out on me, I want you to hear me out. It's critical to have a vision because the work you do as a wife, mother, and leader is tough. Even with the help of a support network, you need to have a clear sense of where you want your family and work life to go. Tune in to this episode to learn more about how to craft them.
In the last episode, we talked about the importance of building your teams to help you be great at home and at work. We focused on the home team in episode #1 so today we will focus on the work team. I've often found that women try to be superwoman at work as much as they do at home. So, this concept of building a team for your work life is just as important as you home life.
Building a team that supports you across the areas of your life is critical to your success. Although women are fantastic collaborators and team members (at home and in the workplace), we often don't cultivate a team for ourselves.
Today, we are going to talk about how to start building that team and who should be on it. In the next few episodes, we will discuss how to lead that team and change your life.
Welcome to the WifeMotherLeader Podcast!
There are some great shows about business and some shows about parenting and being a working parent. There are also shows about marriage. But, this show is about all three of these key roles and how to make them work together in your life.
This show is for women who are actively trying to integrate, not balance, these three areas of life.