better than before betrayal: Recent Episodes
Ruth
This podcast is for women who have experienced betrayal from a husband's pornography use, sexually compulsive behaviors, or other forms of infidelity. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and a Life coach certified through The Life Coach School. Join me as I share my experience of growth and healing and teach the tools and concepts to help you take responsibility for your own happiness, find peace, confidence, and become a stronger you. Come with me and let me show you how to have a life that is better than before betrayal.
What comes up for you when I say, "I want my husband to do what he wants"? Do you want your husband to do what he wants? Does that idea bring fear? In this episode I will explain why I want this. Maybe you will decide you want this too.
Have you ever thought, "This shouldn't have happened?" This is not a useful thought. It can actually be hurtful. It can keep you stuck. Even if it feels true, you may not want to hold on to it. Listen in to find out why.
Have you thought that your husband was the enemy? This is common with betrayal. How can someone hurt you so deeply not be your enemy? In this episode I will invite you to consider how this belief keeps you stuck. I invite you acknowledge who the enemy really is. And I will invite you to move forward to greater healing.
You were prepared for this trial? Did you know this? Do you see it? In this episode I will invite you to consider how you were prepared. We will talk about how realizing that this is true can strengthen you.
Are you an introvert or an extrovert. Or are you an ambivert or omnivert? In this episode I will talk about these different personality traits and why it can be helpful to know what you are and what those around you are.
Are you Alone? or Lonely? In this episode I will talk about the differences and invite you to consider your experience. I'll invite you to decide what you want to do about it, if anything.
The Zegarnik Effect is our brains tendency to return its attention to unresolved problems. We can use this to benefit our lives. Listen to this episode to find out how.
One upping and one downing can damage our relationships. We all do it. When we are willing to look at ourselves and clean this up, we can create more intimate relationships.
In this episode I will teach you how to manage triggers so that they will not have power over you. This is a next level healing skill. You may not be ready for it yet. Please Know that I am not minimizing the pain of triggers! I am not! I offer this tool for those that are ready for it.
Have you heard the idea that your husband can read and pray his addictions away? In this episode I will share MY thoughts on this. I will share why I don't think it is true, how this idea can be harmful, AND I will tell you HOW it CAN be true.
Words are powerful. In this episode I invite you to make a small change. I talk about little words that have a big impact. If you choose, you can make a big change with the little words you use.
Do you find yourself going to all or nothing thinking? This habit can cause you pain and keep you stuck. You can free yourself from the all or nothing thinking trap. In this episode I will share a few ideas of how to do it.
In this episode I am describing and explaining the Johari Window. It is a great tool for self introspection, awareness, and connection.
Self Trust is SO important to a happy life. What is Self Trust. How is your level of self trust? Would you like to improve it? Listen in this episode for thoughts and ideas.
Are you For or Against group support meetings? What has been your experience? Have you heard people claim that group support meetings are not helpful? I have and in this episode I'm going to share my thoughts about this.
This struggle of a spouse's unwanted sexual behaviors is so isolating. All struggles are! Today I have a super short message about a super important aspect of your healing: Having someone to talk to.
Do you know the difference between Victim and Victim Mindset? One is acknowledging your experience, the other will keep you stuck. They are both a choice. Which choice do you want to make?
Sometimes we wish we could just choose a new thought. And sometimes we can. Not usually though. In this episode I will teach you about bridge thoughts and ladder thoughts. These tools can get your thought from where it is now to where you want it to be.
We have all thrown a pity party for oursevles because we are human and it is so easy for our brains to go there. However, we don't have to get stuck there.
Have you ever had this thought? Do you have it now? In this episode I will share my experience with this thought and show you the power it has. I will point out the result this thought brings. Then you get to decide if you want to hold on to this thought.
Have you every thought you want more balance in life? In today's episode, we are going to play around with this idea, consider some options, the YOU get to decide how you want to choose to think about balance in life.
In this episode I will share my ideas about being comfortable, being in discomfort, and being comforted. Knowing when we WANT to be there and when we don't. Knowing WHY it is useful to be there and when it isn't.
The River of Misery is a concept that we can use for our growth. Understanding where we are now is not where we have to stay is powerful. AND to grow we have to be willing to cross The River of Misery. Is IS worth it!
Here is a tool that can help you AND your husband in your individual healing and growth journeys. It is a tool that everyone can use for creating life intentionally. See how your life can improve by implementing this tool, choose one area and start today!
When you think of vulnerability, do you think of weakness or strength? Many people think of it as a weakness. I want to invite you to use it as a strength. Listen in to hear more.
Many people use the words shame and guilt interchangeably. Do you? Or do you think they are different? Listen to this episode to hear my thoughts on how shame and guilt are different.
This is a thought. This is MY thought and I'm sticking to it. I think it serves me. Listen in and see if you agree.
We are all going to have negative thoughts. It is a part of life . It is how our brains work. As we learn how to navigate our way through them, how to manage them, we will not get stuck in them. And we will be on our way to creating a life that is better than before betrayal.
We can sometimes feel stuck in our circumstance. Today I am going to share options that are available to you to help you get unstuck. You always have options, even when you may not think you do.
What do you think about the idea of being broken? Do you feel broken? Do you think your husband is broken? What do you make that mean? Does it mean you (or he) needs fixing? In this episode I will share my thoughts and ideas and a couple of songs about being broken.
Thought: "Sundays are the hardest days" Are Sundays the hardest day for you? All days can be hard when dealing with betrayal. Sundays were especially hard for me. In this episode I will point out the clean pain in our thoughts on this day. And I will show you the dirty pain as well. Once you know the difference, you can make progress!
In this episode I will share experiences with prayer that have blessed my life. I hope that you will recognize how your life has been blessed through this gift we have.
Valentine's Day can be painful, especially for those who have been betrayed. In this episode I will share some ideas on how you may choose to celebrate or NOT celebrate. Choose intentionally, how you meet this day.
I've been thinking about weakness and weaknesses and what I think the difference is. Listen in today and hear my ideas on this.
In this episode I share some experiences of feeling angels protecting me. I invite you to remember the times that you have felt angels with you.
In this episode I will talk about the decision we get to make to stay in our marriage or not. I will give you some things to consider to make sure you decide from a clean place.
In this episode I share 10 sentences I use in self coaching. Talking to yourself rather than just listening to yourself is key in creating the life you want.
Self Coaching is a great tool to help you take responsibility for your life and your happiness. In this episode, I'll tell you the first step to get started self coaching.
Are you Past or Future Focused? In this episode I will share a simple way to create the life of your dreams. You decide what you want for your life, then create daily habits that will bring you this reality.
Listen in as I report back on how my Christmas was 50/50 and how I had the opportunity to use my skills to manage my mind to stay present this Christmas.
Merry Christmas! I want to give you a quick message to remind you that you can feel peace, hope and joy this because of our Savior. Celebrate this day! It will take using your skills to manage your mind through your 50/50 Christmas. I'm going to be using mine! And I will tell you how it goes! We've got this!
Do you ever think, or say, "I don't like being around them"? I did. In this episode I will teach you a concept that will challenge this thought. I could change the way you think and therefore change your life! Give it a listen, then give it a try...if you want to.
How do you feel about he Holidays? Do you feel stress and overwhelm? How do you show up? In this episode I will help you learn how to show up the way you want to.
In this episode I will discuss how anticipation is so much more useful than expectation. Listen in and see if this is something you would like to try.
Sometimes we believe that we NEED someone or something to change. This can keep us stuck and miserable. In this episode I will discuss wanting without needing, it is a freeing concept! I hope you will give it a try!
Did you know that it is okay not to feel grateful on Thanksgiving? IF we think we SHOULD feel grateful when we're not, we feel shame. I give you permission to feel whatever you are feeling.
Do you blame others for how you feel? Do you think it is your husband's job to make you happy? Are you ready to take back the power for your own happiness? You can and this episode will tell you how. Listen in and give it a try!
Do you use the words react and respond interchangeably? Many people do. In this episode I will talk about the differences and why these differences matter.
Listen in today for insight about agency and how and where it fits in The Model. Learn why it matters and how this information can be helpful to you.
We all have agency, no one can take it from us. So what does it mean when I say that he steals your choice? Listen in to find out what I mean and what good it does to know.
WHAT?
In this episode I'm inviting you to be a safe place for your husband.!?!?
YOU want HIM to be a safe place for YOU!
YOU want to trust HIM!
How is this going to help?
Listen and find out.
Why do they lie? Do you find yourself asking this question? The answer is pretty simple. Understanding why they lie can help you as you navigate your journey.
As we take the opportunity to listen to General Conference, we can receive peace, strength and guidance for our lives. What personal message did you hear?
We are admonished to be peacemakers. What do you make that mean? Do you hide in the name of being a peacemaker? In this episode I share my thoughts about what a peacemaker is not.
We all have unexpected events in our lives. We don't get our Plan A. I used to say "Life is how we live Plan B". And then I heard something I like better. Listen to find out how we really can live Plan A.
In this episode I will give you a tool to help you get out of SHOULD thinking. It is simple, maybe not easy. If you use it, it can really help you.
This sounds like a miserable concept! Right? Don't skip it! It is a very powerful concept for allowing urges, for allowing emotions...for growth! It is key to living your life intentionally!
How much do you need to know concerning your husband's infidelity? This is a question that every betrayed partner needs to consider. In this episode, I offer some insight that will help you decide.
Do you find yourself saying "I don't know" a lot? Listen in today to learn about how "I don't know" is a lie. See how this little concept can change your life in little and big ways.
Join me today as I talk about a coaching session with a client in which she asked me why she doesn't feel so miserable anymore. I will touch on her 4 theories and give you my thoughts on each of them. Then , as always, you get to decide what you think!
You have heard me refer to the word "should" as the "S" word. I don't say it anymore. In this episode I will tell you why.
We get to choose how we show up in the world. This episode is based on a list I got at a Women's Conference years ago. I love it. It is how I want to show up. Give it a listen, and then choose how YOU want to show up in the different roles in your life. You DO get to choose.
Triggers are a part of betrayal trauma. You don't have to live with them forever! I will give you some tips to handle those triggering thoughts so they won't have power over you.
This episode is my husband's Sacrament meeting talk, Patients Simply Need Other Patients. Grab you husband and ask him if he would like to listen with you on this one. None of us are alone in our struggles. We can find strength and support in others who have been through what we are going through. I hope you find it helpful.
We talk a lot about forgiveness with betrayal. Today let's consider some things that we make forgiveness mean that it doesn't mean. We can clean up our thinking to help us move forward from wherever we are.
I recently spoke in Sacrament meeting and I thought I would share it with you. I hope you feel The Spirit as you listen.
Have you heard of gaslighting? Do you know if you've experienced it? In this episode I will tell you what it is, how you can detect it, and what you can do to keep yourself safe from it.
After betrayal, trust is shattered. We want to know if we can ever trust again. I hope that you find this episode helpful in how you think about trust.
Today's episode is about a thought that many people have after betrayal. It sounds like a lovely thought. Is it though? Listen and see if you change your mind about it.
Possibly the most common question asked when it comes to healing: How long is this going to take? Listen to some of my thoughts and ideas in this episode. See if you can answer that question, and be okay with your answer.
Awareness is key to managing our minds. Managing our minds is crucial to our healing. Join me in this episode to learn about the stages of awareness. We make progress a little at a time. And we know that practice makes progress. Progress is a great thing. Start now.
This week I will finish up the zoomed in look at each line of The Model as I talk about Results. Amazingly, our results always reflect our thoughts. Listen in to learn more!
In this episode I focus on the fourth line of The Model. We will take a closer look at why we do the things we do.
Feelings are created by our thoughts not our circumstances. It is crucial to our healing to be able to identify and label our emotions and to process and allow them.
Our thoughts are how we experience our lives. As we increase the awareness of our thoughts, we can notice what thoughts we have that are true and what thoughts are in distortion. Becoming aware of our thoughts is powerful. It is a great step toward healing.
Circumstance is the first line of the Coaching Model. In this episode I will tell you some things about circumstances to help you get a better understanding of them. This information can help you on your healing journey and in every aspect of your life.
In this episode I will explain The Model. This amazing tool can be used to gain awareness. We can use it in every area of our life to create the life we want.
Want Matches are a beautiful thing. You want it, he wants it. You have them! Finding the want matches in your relationship will help you in your growth and healing.
We have manuals for people in our lives. In this episode I will explain what a manual is, why we have them, and how our manuals can be hurting us. Understanding ourselves is a big step (or giant leap) in our ability to find happiness. Recognizing our manuals is a crucial part of this journey.
Just what constitutes infidelity? I will share my thoughts on this. Do you share my thoughts and opinions on it? Listen in and see what you think.
To most of the world D-day refers to the invasion of Normandy, marking the "beginning of the end of WWII". In the world of betrayal, D-day has a different meaning. In this episode I will give you some ideas of how you can change the way you think of this date. I hope you find it helpful, no matter where you are on your healing journey.
Boundaries are necessary for all healthy relationships. In this episode I define what a boundary is and what it is not. All boundaries are not right for everyone. I invite you to look at your relationships and determine which ones could benefit from some boundary work. It is your work to do to create your boundaries.
As humans we want to be happy all of the time and this simply isn't realistic. As we accept that life is sometimes "good" and sometimes "bad", we can find greater peace and joy. Life is good, even when it is hard.
It will be helpful to listen to episode #13 before you listen to this episode.
In today's episode I talk about allowing urges. What is it? Are you good at it? Why would we even want to do this? Is it important to having the life of our dreams? Find out now.
This week I talk about buffering. What is it? Why do we do it? How do we stop it? What does it have to do with addiction? IS your husband's pornography use an addiction? I don't think so. Listen in and I'll tell you why.
When we find out that our husband has been lying to us, we feel that our life is a lie. We feel like we are not in control, so we want to take control of things that we can not control. Letting go of control of your husbands healing is crucial for your healing and your peace of mind. Listen in to learn more.
In this week's episode I talk about clean pain and dirty pain. What are they? How do you know when your pain is clean or dirty? What can you do about it? I'll answer these questions for you today.
I spent much of my life pushing emotions down, rarely even acknowledging them. On my journey of healing, I have learned the importance of feeling them. It is life changing. Join me today and I will teach you how to do this. It is a crucial tool for your healing.
Who do you trust? Who do you want to trust? Betrayal can bring trust challenges, for sure! When you can't trust your husband, find strength in knowing there are those that you can trust. Listen today as I share my experience of knowing in whom I can trust and the strength and peace it brings to my soul.
When faced with betrayal, your confidence can take a hit. In this episode I will discuss what confidence is, how we can build it, or rebuild it, and how you can have more confidence than before.
I did not have a pattern of always sharing my thoughts and opinions in my marriage. I had many thoughts that kept me from doing so. In this episode I share my struggle and my progress. Listen in and identify what areas you may need more courage in.
In the world of addiction we talk a lot about relapse of the addict. What about the relapse of the spouse? Did you know that you relapse? Listen as I share what this means, and what is possible. Learn how to stop YOUR relapses.
Making other peoples choices mean something about me is something that we do as humans. Listen today for insights on how we do this, why we do this on how we can learn to stop doing this. When we use this skill, we don't hand our emotions on other people's actions.
In this episode I explain what I have learned about love as I have grown through life's experiences.
In the upcoming episodes I will tell you of 10 ways my life is better than before betrayal. This is the first way.
You are responsible for your happiness. The power is yours and no one else's. Learn how I do this and how you can too!
In this first episode, I share my story. My wish is that you will find hope and healing as you listen. Merry Christmas to you!