Born On 3rd - SoundSage

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Looking at – and owning – the truth about white privilege can be awkward, even painful, but it doesn’t have to be lonely. This episode of Born on 3rd brings us to the dinner tables where tough conversations are building community around honesty, inclusivity and respect. Host Tim Kaelin’s guest, Saira Rao, is sharing her personal journey from “pedigreed” lawyer and successful woman of color playing the Wall Street game to tireless crusader against white supremacy. As co-founders of Race2Dinner, co-authors of the must-read "White Women: Everything You Already Know About Your Own Racism and How to Do Better Paperback", and their documentary "Deconstructing Karen", Saira and her partner, Regina Jackson, are inviting us to get out of our comfort zones and do the work necessary to make real, sustainable change – for our kids, for the planet, for the sake of humanity. You’ll come away from this candid discussion feeling empowered to take a step, no matter how modest, towards challenging the system. In addition to providing accessible, actionable ways to get engaged, Saira illuminates the “why” behind our urgent need to break the interconnected cycles of oppression – from gun violence and misogyny to economic scarcity and religious manipulation.

If you want to be part of the change you seek – however uncomfortable it may feel – pick up a copy of Saira's book. Watch the powerful documentary. You’ll see white privilege with a crystal clarity that can’t leave you anything other than changed. And consider sharing these resources with people you know so that they, too, can meet this reality face-to-face. The conversations that come next are where the work – and meaningful change – begin.

Interested in gathering thoughtful women around the table for candid conversation? Find out more about how to book with Race2Dinner – and learn about the organization’s other programming – by clicking on this link.

If you enjoyed this conversation and would like to listen to previous episodes, there are many great episodes available at this link. And please click here if you’d like to subscribe to our newsletter and join the conversation!

FURTHER INFO/RELEVANT LINKS:

More about Regina and Saira’s recent appearance on Dr. Phil. (https://www.drphil.com/shows/deconstructing-karen/)
"White Women: Everything You Already Know About Your Own Racism and How to Do Better Paperback," by Regina Jackson and Saira Rao.( https://www.amazon.com/White-Women-Everything-Already-Racism/dp/0143136437)
Find out more about Deconstructing Karen (available on Vimeo and iTunes). (https://itunes.apple.com/us/movie/deconstructing-karen/id1654085496?ls=1)
A link for "Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents," by Isabelle Wilkerson

FOLLOW OUR SAIRA:

WEBSITE | LINKEDIN | INSTAGRAM | TWITTER | FACEBOOK

https://www.race2dinner.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/sairarao/

https://www.instagram.com/race2dinner/

https://twitter.com/Race2D

https://www.facebook.com/Race2Dinner

WEBSITE | INSTAGRAM | LINKEDIN | TWITTER

https://www.bornon3rd.com/

https://www.instagram.com/bo3rdpodcast/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/tkaelin/

https://twitter.com/BO3rdPodcast

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Understanding Adoption and Its Effects on Adoptees with Patrick Armstrong

Patrick is an intercountry, transracial, Korean American adoptee. He was born in Korea and then adopted by a white family in the United States. Patrick had all he wanted while growing up, but it felt like something was missing.

For the first 30 years of Patrick's life, he lived in a state of rejection of his Asian and Korean identities and worthiness. He was fighting to fit in. At 30, he had the wake-up call that got him in a state of reclamation.

In this episode, Patrick shares his experience as an adoptee, how it affected him and how he is dealing with it today. Also, Patrick shares how he has been on a journey to find his first family.

Key Talking Points of the Episode:

What does "Born on Third" mean to Patrick?
What base does Patrick think he was born on?
How Patrick handled rejection
Was Jackie Chan an inappropriate representation of Korean culture?
Patrick's attempt to fit in as a white
Positive and negative experiences with adoption.
Same-race adoption
Finding your family and their history
How Patrick learned the Korean culture
Advice to white parents looking to adopt a child
Inclusion in adoption
Mirror moments
The gaslighting of adoptees as adults
Patrick's thoughts on adoption as a whole

Quotes from the Episode:

"We want to be part of this culture and fit into this community. But at the end of the day, if it comes at the expense of who we are, we're never going to fit in."

"I think for many people adoption, like that connection to culture ends once you've been adopted."

"There is a one in a billion chance that I’ll ever get answers to why was I adopted, why was I given up"

"…separated from your family, separated from your country of origin…It’s tough"

Connect with Patrick Armstrong:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patrickintheworld/

Website: https://www.patrickintheworld.me/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/patrickarmstrong219/

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In this episode, Katherine Martin, author of the book The Colorful Image of God, joins me to talk about social injustice and how she challenges White Christians with the disconnect between their belief in “imago Dei” and the injustices that Black people, and other People of Color, face today. Katherine shares her thoughts on being born on the 3rd, how her father’s death changed her life, her inspiration to write her book, white culture and Christianity and how we can use white privilege differently.

Key Talking Points of the Episode:

[05:27] How the death of Katherine’s father affected her

[17:36] What inspired Katherine to write the book

[27:22] Was Jesus white?

[32:47] The Bible is not black and white. It is gray

[39:23] Understanding white culture

[51:39] How to use privilege in a different way

[01:02:03] What’s wrong with the culture of white privilege?

Quotes from the Episode:

“The Bible is a reflection of the hands that hold it.”

“People don’t believe what you say unless you prove it.”

“Whiteness is the norm or likes the dominant culture, and then everything else is different. And compared against whiteness.”

“We do the best we can until we know better. And once we know better, we do better.”

“If we want all people to be able to live their best and fullest lives, and then there are things that we can do to help create more access and opportunity every day in our choices for that to be true.”

Resources Mentioned in the Episode:

https://katherinelearns.com/

https://katherinelearns.com/book/

https://a.co/d/15yNl96

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How would you feel if someone discriminated in public and no one came to your rescue? Would you have the courage to stand up for yourself?

In this episode of Born on 3rd podcast, I have the privilege of hosting the amazing Monique Kelley. She recently became an associate professor at Boston University's College of Communication. She's the faculty advisor for the university's award-winning Public Relations Student Society of America chapter. She's also an entrepreneur, the founder of Monique Kelley Consulting, and a founding member of the Women's executive organization called chief.

Monique grew up in New Jersey with her Iranian mom and Black dad from Trenton. Growing up, Monique had room to be independent and autonomous. Monique is a strong believer that you are what you tell yourself. Growing up, she challenged herself to do many things, especially in sports, even when she knew it wasn't her stronghold.

In this episode, we dig deeper into understanding how we can have intentional diversity and inclusion.

Key Takeaways from the Episode:

Inaction is inexcusable: If you see or hear something racist, sexist, homophobic, or offensive, you must act. Being silent by the standard is signaling your approval.
Putting fancy inclusive words up on a sign or painting them on the wall in an office to put them in an employee handbook does not make an organization inclusive.
Take time to learn about other people's cultures. It will help you understand them better.

Quotes from the Episode:

"I'm a strong believer in you are what you tell your mind."- Monique Kelley

"Belonging is accepting people for who they are."- Tim

"Stop focusing so much on what you don't have and focus on what you do have and how you can add value."- Monique

"Any negative energy or negative experience that I have, I'd like just to flip it on its head and use it as fuel."- Monique

Connect with Monique Kelley:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/moniquekelleygigliotti/

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Welcome back to another installment of Born On Third, this week on the show I welcome Coleen Galvin Yaroshenko to discuss her journey from growing up in the dugout to winning the whole game. Coleen was raised by two abusive parents with mental deficiencies and addiction. Though her childhood was rough, the lessons learned from that experience were even greater. She used her life-tools to raise two happy children, one of which is transgender. Coleen is a true example of resilience, grit, and wisdom.

Key Takeaways:

Coming to terms of an abusive/hard past is the first step to moving forward with life
People in the LGBT community are 4x more likely to commit suicide than their cis peers. Suicide is the second leading cause of death in ages 10-24.
You are born with the toolbox your parents passed down to you; whether those tools are broken or not it is your responsibility to heal from trauma

Episode Highlights:

[00:52] Introduction to Coleen Galvin Yaroshenko

[03:03] What base were you born on?

[07:32] Born with your parent’s toolbox

[13:11] Starting the healing process

[17:50] Finding the perfect balance when raising children

[22:35] Changes in the family

[32:00] Naming your child again

[37:08] Loving a child that is trans

[47:00] Educate yourself about the LGBT community

[51:13] Fighting to change policies

[53:12] What base are you on now?

[55:00] Outro

The Trevor Project

Books: Trans Mission - Alex Bertie Love Lives Here: Amanda Jette Knox Not Just a Tom Boy -Casper J. Baldwin The Trans-Gender Issue : An Argument for Justice -Shon Faye Trans Like Me/ CN Lester Tranny: confessions of Punk Rock’s most infamous anarchistic sellout- Laura Jane Grace

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In this episode of Born on 3rd, I welcome Matt Driscoll, an award-winning tattoo artist, entrepreneur, and Co-Owner of 9th Realm Tattoo and Art Gallery in Salem, MA. Listen in as Matt and I talk about how he’s bringing light into the world through the art of tattooing along with his candid thoughts on how society views people with tattoos.

We discuss how Matt’s upbringing in Southern California has impacted his art, why he moved out to the East Coast, and how the culture differs from SoCal culture. He speaks on why he got into art and his path to becoming a tattoo artist and shop owner. Matt highlights his relationship with money, wealth, and success, how his parents’ absence affected his life, and his challenging experience raising his little sister.

Then, he reflects on the increasing acceptance of tattoos in America juxtaposed with the ever-present discrimination of people based on their skin color.

“Even if my subject matter is dark, I want to bring some light into this world, so everything I do is like bright-colored. I just always try to put emotion in things, man, I love it. I want to make someone feel something by looking at an image.” – Matt Driscoll

Remember to support your local artists!

Connect with Matt Driscoll:

Check out Matt’s art on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raptorlazer

Support and connect with Born on 3rd Podcast:

Visit our website: https://www.bornon3rd.com

Subscribe to Born on 3rd for more episodes like this & Rate/Review it so we can grow and reach more people!

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Welcome back to another installment of Born On Third, this week on the show I am joined by Co-founder of Kind Cotton - Kaitlin Johnstone. During her days as an educator Kaitlin noticed a lot of underrepresentation in the books she was teaching. The demographic in her classroom did not reflect the characters in the books being used, so together with her husband she sought to change that. Fast forward to 2022 Kind Cotton has donated over 52,000 books with their goal only growing and their reach expanding!

Key Takeaways:

Even in school districts with a high demographic of black and Hispanic students, the curriculum was not representative of them or their culture

The impact education has on early childhood developments makes a huge a difference in your educational journey; from traditional knowledge to social sills

Hate is taught – it is paramount to actively teach children to be anti-racist otherwise at an early age they begin to associate with other kids who look like them

Episode Highlights:

[00:51] Introduction to Kaitlin

[03:47] What base were you born on?

[08:11] Starting Kind Cotton

[11:42] Kids starting at home base

[17:55] Guidelines and themes of books donated

[21:15] Legislation in Florida

[26:00] Going against the grain

[35:11] Responsibility of change falls on white people

[37:39] Purchasing Kind Cotton books

[42:27] Recommended books

[45:20] Starting a reading program

[48:31] How can people support Kind Cotton?

[54:38] What base do you think you are on now?

[56:33] Outr0

Quotes:

  “It’s hard for people to step back and outside of themselves”

“My third year into teaching I started recognizing that a lot of children didn’t have access to books – they especially didn’t have access to books in which they felt seen, valued and loved”

“Teachers make more decisions than brain surgeons on a daily basis which is why there’s so much tremendous mental burnout in education”

“We want children to feel seen regardless of where they come from, what their culture is, or what their parent’s sexual orientation is”

“Books should be windows and mirrors”

Learn more about Kind Cotton here

Follow Kaitlin on IG at @kindcotton

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Welcome back to another episode of Born on Third, today on the show I am joined by Lonnie Brewer to discuss his experience growing up on first base and parenting. Lonnie is an H.R. consultant, a Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Consultant, and has his own podcast underway titled On Becoming Bulletproof.

Growing up with three sisters and a mother who continually worked at least two jobs, Lonnie felt the responsibility to be the man of the house, even at five years old. He shares the stark transition from living in a dangerous area with no racism to a safer white neighborhood with overt racism. Lonnie’s experience navigating different layers of poverty has shaped him into the resilient father he is today with wisdom that can only be taught through sharing his experience.

Key Takeaways:

Being poor versus being broke is all about the mindset. Being poor is a mindset while being broke is an economic condition
Saying the word “can’t” holds deeper connotation than what appears on the surface; it signifies surrendering, reluctance, and weakness
The passive racist; a person who enjoys the privileges from a system that oppresses others and does nothing about it

Episode Highlights:

[00:00] Introduction to Lonnie Brewer

[02:33] What base were you born on?

[07:21] The unwritten rules of the wealthy

[12:04] Background growing up

[18:41] Moving to Springfield

[20:18] Broke vs poor

[21:26] How do you teach resilience?

[27:19] Role modeling

[30:00] What parts of childhood help you as a parent?

[34:17] The passive racist

[37:41] Meeting your father

[45:00] A purest at heart

[48:55] Lessons to pass on

[54:35] What base are you on now?

[58:29] Outro

Quotes:

“Wow, so that’s what it looks like to grow up with privilege – you don’t really feel like rules apply to you”
“When I was 11 years old I was jumped by 6 guys”
“My life could have easily gone in the other direction; I feel fortunate just to be alive”
“Tell me and I’ll forget. Teach me and I may remember. Involve me, show me and I’ll learn”
“I had to learn how to be a man without the benefit of having one in my life”

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Welcome back to another installment of Born on Third, this week on the show I welcome Pastor, serial non-profit entrepreneur, and author of the book Neighborliness: Love Like Jesus. Cross Dividing Lines. Transform Your Community, David Docusen.

In this episode, David speaks on the hypocrisy we see in religious texts and how it addresses contemporary issues like economic divide, race, and sexual orientation. As a person who experienced living on both 3rd and 1st base, David points out the biases we are conditioned to believe and practice, even if it's subconscious. Learning through these biases is one of the many ways David is combating these predispositions to help us understand that, as he perfectly puts it, we are all one family.

Key Takeaways:

Reconciliation vs conciliation; to reconcile means to go back to a preexisting state when what we’re looking for is a new start
Christianity and atheism are not mutually exclusive when it comes to being empathetic, virtuous, and inclusive
The spirit of neighborliness goes beyond doing good deeds, its setting your biases aside to unify, understand, and grow with conviction

Episode Highlights:

[00:00] introduction to David Docusen

[06:01] What base were you born on?

[07:51] The journey to writing Neighborliness

[13:14] Weaponized religion

[16:11] The hypocrisy of religion

[21:40] Following the word of Jesus vs following Jesus

[25:40] “We are all one family”

[27:51] Embody the spirit of neighborliness

[30:31] Admitting we all have biases

[36:05] Reconciliation

[44:37] Making an impact in your community

Quotes:

“If we’re not willing to acknowledge that there’s some advantage that has been given to white people in our country, then you are just making a bunch of noise”
“There are some that would resonate with my faith background and some that may find that to be off putting, and I say let’s just have a conversation together”
“I don’t want you to follow Jesus, I want you to embody his life and his presence to the world around you”
“I think that if we actually behaved like Jesus, we would go in and build relationships and not throw down religious law”
“The inevitable outcome to division is conflict, violence, and death”
“Jesus wasn’t trying to win arguments; he was trying to build relationships”
“We can learn so much and [yet] never do anything of substance to our community”
“Systems can change because systems are made of people”

Learn more about the mission of Neighborliness here

Buy Neighborliness

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Welcome back to another episode of Born on Third. On this episode we are joined by author of the book A White Guy Confronting Racism: An Invitation to Reflect and Act, Jared Karol. Jared has been a champion for diversity as showcased through his works at Translator, Inc. as a D.E.I consultant and public speaker.

In this episode, Jared flips the connotation of privilege from a meaning of accusation to an opportunity for collaboration in dismantling oppressive systems and people. With over 20 years of expertise under his belt, Jared has been able to introduce humanity to the conversation of racism. His work has flipped the script to sway white folks into seeing people as what they are, humans.

Key Takeaways:

Having the motivation to connect with people is key to understanding others. Listening to their perspective and learning of adversities they’ve faced reveals a spectrum of inequities they would have otherwise not been aware of
Victims of discrimination are left with the burden of educating those who have discriminated against them.
Humanity, E.Q., mindfulness, and storytelling – four critical talking points from A White Guy Confronting Racism that encapsulates the message of racism and how to combat it

Episode Highlights:

[00:50] Introduction to Jared Karol

[03:02] What base were you born on?

[06:50] The connotation privilege holds

[12:38] The privilege to not think about race

[14:21] Cancel culture

[19:50] Instant gratification

[22:22] “Tell me more”

[27:17] What are key takeaways from the book?

[33:41] Humanity and political implications

[39:14] When and how is confronting racism with humor affective?

[43:50] Connect with Jared

Quotes:

“Because we haven’t had to think about race and racism, for the most part, we’re not aware of what others go through”
“Privilege, for some reason, has a connotation of an accusation”
“Yes, I grew up poor, I didn’t have the nice house and the money and the amenities that my friends had, but I was still white”
“If you ask 10 people what does cancel culture mean you’d get 10 different answers”
“We are all traumatized from racism”
“No one is free until we’re all free”
“I think it would be naïve if we said racism isn’t both influenced and affected by policy, politics, and laws”
“Racism at its core is about dehumanization”

Stay connect with Jared: Website | Instagram | A White Guy Confronting Racism

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Lonnie and I recorded this podcast on Tuesday, one week after the mass shooting at the Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas. We both felt it was important to share the conversation that we were having privately with others. In the time it took to edit this episode, 33 mass shootings have happened in the US. This has to stop. Something must change. We hope that our conversation will help others begin or continue their own discussions around ending gun violence.

www.bornon3rd.com

www.lonniebrewerconsulting.com

www.everytown.org

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Lonnie and I recorded this podcast on Saturday, one week after the domestic terrorist attack at the Tops grocery store in Buffalo. We both felt it was important to share the conversation that we were having privately with others. In the time it took to edit this episode, another attack happened at an elementary school in Texas. This has to stop. Something must change. We hope that our conversation will help others begin or continue their own discussions around ending domestic terrorism.

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Welcome back to another episode of Born On Third. This week on the show we welcome Maggie Campbell; a leader in the spirit industry, an expert in rum distilling, and an advocate for women.

In this episode, Maggie addresses the pushback she has experienced as a woman in the distillery industry. She acknowledges the role pretty privileged played in advancing her career while also juxtaposing the declining effect it has as accepted conventional beauty standards begin to fade. All things considered, Maggie’s championing for women’s progress in the spirit industry has materialized at Mount Gay where over 50% of women are in managerial position and with an even higher diversity average.

Key Takeaways:

White saviorism is not the same helping. It promotes unsolicited “rescuing” of marginalized communities and only benefits the ego of the white savior complex ideology
Modern segregation in Barbados Barbados is almost nonexistent. Whereas segregation in America is intentional and is clearly defined in each neighborhood
America is an individual-centered culture and Barbados is a community-centered culture

Episode Highlights:

[00:50] Introduction to Maggie Campbell

[02:49] What base do you think you were born on?

[05:00] Pretty privilege

[07:51] Body and size cultures

[10:41] Community organizing

[13:00] The Trevor Project

[15:25] Getting into rum

[19:40] Pushback as a woman in the industry

[24:20] Moving from Boston to Barbados

[31:37] Difference in justices between America and Barbados

[36:41] Welcoming culture of Barbados

[39:07] Recognizing the difference in segregation

[43:33] Safety in work environments

[47:00] Transition into moving internationally

[52:51] What base do you think you’re on now?

[55:33] Connect with Maggie

Quotes:

“Beauty as a currency”
“In our language [and] in our daily lives we tie so much to being thin”
“The desire to police other people is something I’ve gained a lot perspective on since moving outside of the United States”
“Trying to bring the same respect that people have for scotch to the rum world is hard because there is a level colonization and exploitation in the history of rum”
“There’s a big difference between white saviorism and actually truly helping someone shine”
“Friends of many, satellites of none”

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Welcome back to another installment of Born On 3rd with this week’s guest Brienne Allan. Brienne is an entrepreneur, brewer, and beer industry advocate. She’s ignited a movement within the craft beer industry, calling to end sexism, sexual harassment, assault and discrimination.

In this episode, Brienne addresses misconceptions revolving around the beer industry – putting an end to the illusion that it is male-dominated. She brings to light the inequities women face in the industry; from needing twice the experience and education compared to their male counterparts to tolerating condescending behavior. Brienne has also led the industry into a new era of inclusion and equal opportunity, opening the doors to people of all walks of life.

Key Takeaways:

The Craft Brewery industry that appears to be male dominated is a façade. More often than not there are women in the background running the industry with little to no credit.
Hold brewing companies accountable of their actions. In light of BLM and the Me Too movement, cases have come to the surface and it is in our control as consumers to hold breweries accountable.
Diversity, inclusion, and representation in the craft brewing industry is monumental in its continued growth.

Click more information on the Brave Noise Project

Brienne's new brewery Sacred Profane Brewing

Info on Pink Boots

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In this episode, Vernā Meyers joins me, and we have an outstanding discussion about all sides of social economics and the role it plays in allowing people to take advantage of privilege while it simultaneously exploits (or forgets) others. Vernā shares the often-overlooked example of people with disabilities and the introduction of the ADA as well as the marginalization of ethnic minorities. We share ideas on how we can all use our knowledge to change our spheres of influence.

Key Takeaways:

People with disabilities endure a very different lived experience. Their access is limited, and needs are often forgotten - we are blind to what we do not encounter.
Progression then regression is commonly experienced among marginalized groups. The progress we’ve made in breaking down stigmas is often so easily lost because of narratives that continue to be reinforced.
Breaking down learned behaviors begins with exposure and is strengthened by relationships.

For more info about Vernā, check out her company at www.tvmcu.com.

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Are outdoors sports really accessible to everyone?

We’re back for another installment of Born On 3rd with this week’s guest Dave Fatula!

In this episode, Dave brings us along his journey of experiencing both 2nd base and 1st base lifestyles. He details the stark difference in privileges in everyday life yet, the expectation of going to college remained the same – like second nature. Through his experiences, Dave has founded Guineafowl Adventure Company, a full-serviced guided group hike tour, that allows anyone to take advantage of the beauty nature has to offer!

Key Takeaways:

The advantages of being born on 3rd produce two types of people; those who helps others open doors and those who use their privilege as a weapon
Gaining perspective by losing financial and familial stability. When life grants you a head start regressing back to 1st base feels treacherous, but overcoming that is twice as rewarding.
Outdoor sports have marketed themselves as a luxury hobby when in reality it is an affordable activity for all – widening the gap of adversity

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In this episode Dr. William Lewis discusses which base he was born on, generational vs. situational poverty and the importance of belonging.

Dr. Lewis is a nationally recognized diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging leader, an entrepeneur and a published author. His book, Sweet Potato or Pumkin Pie is available on Amazon. He is also the host of the Beyond Color Blind podcast. Please check out his website www.wtlewis.com

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In this episode Rachel Weintraub talks about which base she was born on and her experience in the entertainment industry. Rachel has been nominated for an emmy an amazing 10 times and she is the co-creator and executive producer of the new show on Crackle titled Inside the Black Box.

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Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple. Regrettably, some people are born on 1st (or even in the dugout) and go through life feeling hopeless and forgotten. In this episode, host Tim Kaelin talks about what Born On Third means to him, how the analogy goes beyone 3rd base and his story on which base he was born on and his journey to the base he's on today.

Born On 3rd: Recent Episodes

Tim Kaelin