Felly Speaks: Recent Episodes
Felly
I'm really back...maybe not consistently but for sure differently. This is my reintroduction
You're shocked I'm posting again back to back? This is too long to do in one episode. When was a time that I went backwards on what i promised to myself. When solidified and cemented trauma within me. When is not good! And is a series of unfortunate events!
I know..I know you missed me. Let's get the updates out of the way and then get on with the show!
Here I update you once again on what has been going on. I further start this out with the three different WHERE's of my life. This is where I sought validation and where I tried to heal in toxic ways. This is where I lowered my value. Now, I go over this very quickly because WHERE influenced WHEN . I am practicing my tone of voice to be more authentic with how I speak . This is coming from a therapist who speaks to many people, I hope you stick around to see my progression. My goal is to be vulnerable to influence others to feel their emotions!
I have been gone for a bit-- I have no clear explanation lol Just rambling for 30 mins . I discuss just wanting to be heard and how people don't really hear us. This is me launching back in , but at my pace! This has no clear direction whatsoever. No editing either at all because I quickly posted it :D You hear me anxiously scratching and being super grammatically incorrect...ENJOY!
What is the person that abused me in multiple ways. This is what caused me to become entrenched in a cycle that I could not escape. Unhealthy patterns is what resulted and this is what caused me to accept wrongdoings from another person. Here is what created a core belief that everyone will lie to me and I am not enough. This is what dealing with a narcissist left me with, this is what love bombing was and what gaslighting looks like. These are stories I have not spoken of fully. This is a part of myself I hid from my loved ones, so here it all is. What was one of my lessons in life and a part of how I became who I am today. Learning to love myself has been paramount. Enjoy this almost one hour and a half rant !
Trauma series is here! WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE , WHY and on. This series will follow my traumas in relationships. WHO encompasses my earlier years. WHO were all of my first traumas outside of my familial traumas. This one was hard for me and is fully unedited. This series is meant for me to come to realizations about things and talk about stuff I have never spoken about previously. People hear snippets but isn't it funny how much we keep inside. You will hopefully hear me make connections about things and hear some difficult things I have been through recently. I hope this leads to people speaking their truths more. You will hear crying and you will hear real up front processing. You will hear lows and highs. You will hear scattered thinking in this first episode. Totally unedited here and me trying to get over my fears of facing this stuff.
My friend Kimmy comes on and speaks about her role as a teacher at our former high school. Kimmy continues to be a person that I can bounce some of my worries on and I do just that. We speak about our trajectories in life, motherhood, and friendship. You get a small taste of how we speak on a general basis. We can speak for hours and about randomness! Even if we disagree, we can always come to an acknowledgment of each other's viewpoints, which is captured in this episode.
Sorry for the crappy sound on my end- ya girl was tired and not paying attention, thanks Luis for trying to fix it lol. If you can get past that then we are starting the talk regarding law enforcement. A quick chat about our experiences and our thoughts regarding the system and the outlook on Law Enforcement as an entity. I will leave it at that because we barely touched the surface.
I was away---sorry! I give brief updates on why, super brief updates. I struggled a lot this past month and am looking forward to starting up again. I talk about my family issues and a loss that I endured. I also talk about my Hashimoto's and it's effects on me.
This episode isn't about the title but i speak briefly about why I have been withdrawn. I speak about grief and death. This gets me talking about how death sometimes comes with disagreement amongst the living. I talk about my anger currently surrounding some conflict in my paternal family unit and the responsibilities of parents. Parent caused trauma is also spoken about. The concept of it being hard to practice what you preach is brought up as I am guilty of it myself.
My friend Luis and I catch up. Many topics come up about what he has been up to and how we have grown as friends. Processing traumas and if dismissing them is healthy or not. The topic of triggers comes up and how these affect relationships overall. We then discuss relationships and being able to understand the internal struggles we go through and communicate those effectively to our partners. Female vs. male roles in sex and even the power dynamic is brought up.
I bring in two of my best friends to speak about friendship and we get into a conversation about our friendship. We also talk about pain we have and issues we have faced that cause some disruption in our personal lives. Imposter syndrome is brought up and forgiving ourselves is broached. What is a healthy friendship?? I think our dialogue here shows how far we have come as friends.
I add some more context to Episode 3. I speak of trauma surrounding attachment figures and how that affects certain aspects of life. I use my own relationship with my father to add some more context to this discussion. I also speak about relationships in general and how I move on from pain or hurt in my life. Of course, further discussion in future episodes will come!
In this episode I speak about fatherless daughters in single mothered household and the difficulties in single mothered households. I explain struggles I went through in a low SES and some struggles in my high school experience. I go through what it is like to go to school and hustle through full-time work. I lend an emotional outlook on my own father figures and my struggles with overworking myself.
I touch on anxiety and the beginning ways to cope with it. My dealings with anxiety are touched on and how I dealt with it this week.
I set the stage for what is to come. I talk about forgiveness and quarantine. What does it mean to be happy?