The Happy YOU: Recent Episodes
Joe Bakhmoutski
Dawn breaks on thewater. You’ve weathered storms, my friend, but you’re still here. In this Hour of Healing, we sail together toward liberation: not by avoiding the past, but by honoring it and choosing the present. On this episode we explore:
- Dreams vs reality and how we make progress towards life that we want
- What you can and can’t control: practical way how to do that
- Who you are becoming: the power that comes with choice about the future
I can’t wait to see you inside!!
In episode 40 of “The Hour of Healing,” we dive into “Breaking the Cycle: Replace Harm with Healing.” Imagine yourself on the deck of a tall ship, the wind in your hair, the horizon stretching before you. You’ve weathered life’s storms, yet here you are—standing strong, ready to heal and thrive. Join me, Joe Bakhmoutski, as we explore how to transform past pain into a journey of renewal. Through personal stories and guided reflections, we’ll uncover the Four Cycles of Healing: Letting Go, Being in the Moment, Growing Into the Future You Want, and Seeking Connection. Together, we’ll let go of the past, embrace the present, and step into a future filled with hope and possibility. 🌟
In this episode of “The Hour of Healing,” we explore “True Connection: Finding the Courage to Open Your Heart.” Picture yourself on the deck of a tall ship, the wind in your hair, the horizon stretching before you. You’ve weathered life’s storms, yet here you are—standing strong, ready to heal and thrive. Join me, Joe Bakhmoutski, as we delve into the transformative power of connection and trust. Through personal stories and guided reflections, we’ll uncover how to move beyond betrayal, rewrite our stories, and embrace a life filled with hope and authenticity. Together, we’ll let go of the past, embrace the present, and step into a future filled with possibility. 🌟
In this episode of “The Hour of Healing,” we embark on “The Self-Worth Reset”—a journey to heal shame and embrace confidence. Picture yourself on the deck of a tall ship, the wind in your hair, the horizon stretching before you. You’ve weathered life’s storms, yet here you are—standing strong, ready to heal and thrive. Join me, Joe Bakhmoutski, as we explore the transformative power of self-worth. Through personal stories and guided reflections, we’ll uncover how to rebuild confidence, nurture meaningful relationships, and create a life where you feel grounded, joyful, and fullyalive. Together, we’ll let go of the past, embrace the present, and step into a future filled with hope and possibility. 🌟
In episode 37 of “The Hour of Healing,” we dive into “How to Stop Fear of Failure: Finding Your Fuel for Growth.” Imagine yourself on the deck of a tall ship, the wind in your hair, the horizon stretching before you. You’ve weathered life’s storms, yet here you are—standing strong, ready to heal and thrive. Join me, Joe Bakhmoutski, as we explore how to transform fear into unstoppable momentum. Through personal stories and guided reflections, we’ll uncover how to use past experiences as fuel for growth, healing, and progress. Together, we’ll let go of the past, embrace the present, and step into a future filled with hope and possibility. 🌟
In this episode of “The Hour of Healing,” we embark on a journey to discover “The Courage to Connect.” Picture yourself on the deck of a tall ship, the wind in your hair, the horizon stretching before you. You’ve weathered life’s storms, yet here you are—standing strong, ready to heal and thrive. Join me, Joe Bakhmoutski, as we explore the essential role of connection in our lives. Belonging isn’t just a luxury, it’s a necessity for happiness and healing. Through personal stories and guided reflections, we’ll uncover how to rebuild trust, nurture meaningful relationships, and create a sense of belonging. Together, we’ll let go of the past, embrace the present, and step into a future filled with hope and possibility. 🌟
In this episode of “The Hour of Healing,” we embark on a profound journey of rebuilding trust after betrayal. Picture yourself on the deck of a tall ship, the wind in your hair, the salty air filling your lungs. You’ve weathered fierce storms, yet here you are—standing strong, ready to heal. Join me, Joe Bakhmoutski, as we explore the transformative power of trust. Betrayal cuts deep, shaking our sense of safety and confidence. But beyond the pain lies the possibility of connection, freedom, and growth. Through the ABCs of Trust—Acceptance, Bravery, and Choices—we’ll guide you in rebuilding trust in yourself and others. Together, we’ll let go of the past, embrace the present, and step into a future filled with hope and possibility. 🌟
In this episode of “The Hour of Healing,” we embark on a journey of resilience and renewal. Picture yourself on the deck of a tall ship, the wind in your hair, the horizon stretching before you. You’ve weathered life’s storms, and yet, here you are—standing strong, ready to heal and reclaim your power. Join me, Joe Bakhmoutski, as we explore the transformative process of healing, not just as a means to mend what’s broken, but as a path to grow beyond ourselves. Through personal stories and guided reflections, we’ll uncover the strength within to create something beautiful from life’s challenges. Together, we’ll navigate the seasons of healing, embracing each phase with compassion and courage. Whether you’re in the depths of winter or the bloom of summer, this episode is a reminder that healing is a journey, and you’re not alone. Let’s set sail towards a brighter, more empowered future. 🌟
Welcome to Episode 33 of The Hour of Healing: “Numb, Overwhelmed, or Both? Finding Peace in Emotional Chaos.” Imagine standing on the deck of a tall ship, the wind brushing your face, the waves gently rocking beneath your feet. You’ve weathered storms, some harsher than others, but you’re here—still standing, still striving. Today, we choose to heal together. Join me, Joe Bakhmoutski, as we explore the emotional chaos that can leave us feeling numb or overwhelmed. Discover how to find peace amidst the storm, using the PEACE framework to create the conditions for calm and clarity. Through personal stories and practical steps, we’ll dive deep into the ocean of emotions and uncover the pearls of wisdom that await. Let’s embark on this journey to find the peace you deserve. 🌊
Welcome to Episode 32 of The Hour of Healing: “From Fear to Freedom: Building Deeper, More Authentic Connections.” Imagine standing on the deck of a tall ship, the wind brushing your face, the waves rocking beneath your feet. You’ve weathered storms, some harsher than others, but you’re here. You’re part of our crew, still standing, still striving for more—more belonging, fulfillment, and feeling alive. Join me, Joe Bakhmoutski, as we embark on a journey to move from fear to freedom, discovering how to build deeper, more authentic connections that help you soar. Through the Freedom to Fly Framework, we’ll explore how to notice, nurture, and soar in your relationships, finding your flock and embracing the freedom of true connection. Let’s take flight together and create a life where you feel grounded, joyful, and fully alive. 🌟
Welcome to Episode 31 of The Hour of Healing: “The Inner Critic vs. You: How to Rewrite Negative Thought Patterns.” Imagine standing on the deck of a tall ship, having weathered the storms, yet still standing strong. Today, we choose to rise, to heal, and to let our inner champion take the wheel. Join me, Joe Bakhmoutski, as we explore the dynamic between your inner critic and your inner champion. Discover how to empower your inner champion to lead with confidence, clarity, and compassion. With the Champion’s Compass framework, we’ll guide you through the dance of life, helping you navigate challenges and rewrite your story. Let’s embark on this transformative journey together, and let your inner champion shine!
Welcome to Episode 30 of The Hour of Healing: “Shatter the Shame Spiral: Reclaiming Your Self Worth.” Imagine standing on the deck of a tall ship, the salty breeze brushing against your face. You’ve weathered storms, but here you are, still standing, still moving forward. Today, we choose to heal, to rise, to reclaim our self-worth. Shame can distort our story, casting shadows over our light, but you are enough. Join me, Joe Bakhmoutski, as we explore how to break free from the shame spiral and embrace the truth of your worthiness. Through powerful rituals and reflections, we’ll let go of the past and step into a future filled with hope and possibility. Let’s embark on this transformative journey together.
Welcome to Episode 29 of The Hour of Healing: “Reclaiming Control: How to Heal and Build Healthy Boundaries.” Picture yourself on the deck of a tall ship, the salty breeze brushing against your face. You’ve weathered storms, but here you are, still standing, still moving forward. Today, we choose to heal, to rise, to strive for more belonging, fulfillment, and aliveness. Join me, Joe Bakhmoutski, as we explore the transformative power of boundaries. Discover how setting healthy boundaries can bring clarity, energy, and joy into your life. Learn how to say yes to yourself and no to what drains you, building trust and confidence in who you are. Together, we’ll embark on a journey to reclaim control and create a life where you feel grounded, joyful, and fully alive. Let’s set sail on this empowering voyage!
Join us on The Hour of Healing as we embark on a voyage of self-discovery and renewal. Imagine yourself on the deck of a tall ship, part of a crew united by choice and the pursuit of healing. In this episode, Joe Bakhmoutski invites you to explore the profound question: “Who am I, really?” Through personal stories and transformative rituals, learn how to redefine your identity and step into a new role with intention and ambition. Discover the power of letting go, embracing growth, and becoming the person you aspire to be. This episode is your invitation to find your true self and step into a life of fulfillment and joy. Join us as we sail toward a brighter horizon, together. Welcome aboard! 🌟
Step aboard The Hour of Healing, where we embark on a journey to discover the Bridge to Belonging. Imagine yourself on the deck of a tall ship, part of a crew united by choice and the pursuit of healing. In this episode, Joe Bakhmoutski invites you to explore the essence of belonging and connection. Through personal stories and transformative rituals, learn how to cultivate meaningful interactions, uphold cherished relationships, and deepen your bonds. Discover the power of community and the joy of being truly seen and understood. This episode is your invitation to build your own Castle of Connection and step into a life of fulfillment and joy. Join us as we sail toward a brighter horizon, together. Welcome aboard! 🌟
Welcome to a journey of rediscovery and empowerment on The Hour of Healing. Imagine yourself on the deck of a tall ship, part of a crew united by choice and the pursuit of healing. In this episode, Joe Bakhmoutski invites you to reconnect with the peace and strength that resides within you. Through personal stories and transformative rituals, explore how to release the burdens of the past and embrace the present with open arms. Discover the power of intentional growth and the joy of living fully in the moment. This episode is your invitation to find your safe haven and step into a life of fulfillment and joy. Join us as we sail toward a brighter horizon, together. Welcome aboard! 🌟
In this transformative episode of The Hour of Healing, we explore the Three Pillars of Healing: Reconnect, Let Go, and Grow. Imagine yourself on the deck of a tall ship, part of a crew united by choice and the pursuit of healing. Join Joe Bakhmoutski, life coach and founder of TRUST+1, as he guides you through a journey of self-discovery and intentional growth. Discover how to release the past, embrace the present, and step into a future filled with possibility. This episode is all about creating a life of fulfillment, belonging, and joy. Welcome aboard!
In this empowering episode of The Hour of Healing, we dive into the art of building unshakable self-trust. Imagine yourself on the deck of a tall ship, part of a crew united by choice and the pursuit of healing. Join Joe Bakhmoutski, life coach and founder of TRUST+1, as he guides you through a workshop-style training to cultivate confidence and clarity. Discover how to set aside doubt, embrace your vibrant self, and generate real momentum in your life. This episode is all about taking action, savoring the experience, and trusting yourself to win in every moment. Welcome aboard!
In this empowering episode of The Hour of Healing, we dive into the art of building unshakable self-trust. Imagine yourself on the deck of a tall ship, part of a crew united by choice and the pursuit of healing. Join Joe Bakhmoutski, life coach and founder of TRUST+1, as he guides you through a workshop-style training to cultivate confidence and clarity. Discover how to set aside doubt, embrace your vibrant self, and generate real momentum in your life. This episode is all about taking action, savoring the experience, and trusting yourself to win in every moment. Welcome aboard!
In this transformative episode of The Hour of Healing, we embark on a journey to release the past and fully embrace the present. Imagine yourself on the deck of a tall ship, part of a crew united by choice. We choose to define ourselves not by past traumas, but by the healing and vibrancy we strive for today. Join Joe Bakhmoutski, life coach and founder of TRUST+1, as he guides you through a workshop-style training filled with journaling, visualization, and a powerful leaving behind ritual. Discover how letting go, even by just 5%, can be transformational. Together, we rise, heal, and chart a new course toward the life you deserve. Welcome aboard!
Welcome aboard The Hour of Healing, where we set sail on a journey to anchor ourselves in the present and embrace the moments that truly matter. Imagine yourself on the deck of a tall ship, surrounded by a crew united by choice. Together, we choose to define ourselves not by past traumas, but by the healing journey we’re on. This episode is about reconnecting with meaningful moments that empower us to live with strength and presence today.
Join me, Joe Bakhmoutski, as we explore how to break free from the cycle of rushing through life and instead, savor the wins and learn from the challenges. We’ll dive into the art of celebrating our successes, calibrating our setbacks, and creating moments of goodness that bring joy and fulfillment.
Through stories, reflections, and meditations, we’ll uncover the courage to face our fears and frustrations, using them as stepping stones to a life of greater meaning and connection. Whether you’re navigating rocky seas or calm waters, this episode will inspire you to embrace your truth and live with a sense of urgency and joy.
Join us on this voyage of healing and hope, and let’s set sail towards a life of greater meaning and connection. 🌟
Welcome to The Hour of Healing, where we embark on a transformative journey to turn life’s challenges into opportunities for growth. Imagine yourself on the deck of a tall ship, surrounded by a crew united by choice. Together, we choose to define ourselves not by past traumas, but by the healing journey we’re on. This episode is about using triggers as tools—guiding us to where we need to heal and grow.
Join me, Joe Bakhmoutski, as we explore how to transform those painful reminders into powerful catalysts for change. We’ll dive into the process of “Growing UP,” a journey of self-awareness and healing, and how it can lead to a more vibrant, fulfilling existence. Together, we’ll engage in a powerful leaving behind ritual to release what’s been holding us back and step boldly into the present moment.
Through stories, reflections, and meditations, we’ll uncover the courage to face our fears and frustrations, using them as stepping stones to a life of greater meaning and connection. Whether you’re navigating rocky seas or calm waters, this episode will inspire you to embrace your truth and live with a sense of urgency and joy.
Join us on this voyage of healing and hope, and let’s set sail towards a life of greater meaning and connection. 🌟
Welcome to The Hour of Healing, where we embark on a journey of self-discovery and transformation. Imagine yourself on the deck of a tall ship, the wind in your hair, the horizon wide open before you. Here, we choose to define ourselves not by past traumas, but by the healing journey we’re on. This episode is all about embracing your aliveness and showing up as your best, boldest self every day.
Join me, Joe Bakhmoutski, as we explore the theme of aliveness—a true measure of healing from life’s challenges. We’ll dive into the process of “Growing UP,” a journey of doing life better, and how it can lead to a more vibrant, fulfilling existence. Together, we’ll engage in a powerful leaving behind ritual to release what’s been holding us back and step boldly into the present moment.
Through stories, reflections, and meditations, we’ll uncover the courage to live unapologetically, honoring the goodness within ourselves and others. Whether you’re navigating rocky seas or calm waters, this episode will inspire you to embrace your truth and live with a sense of urgency and joy.
Join us on this voyage of healing and hope, and let’s set sail towards a life of greater meaning and connection. 🌟
Welcome aboard The Hour of Healing! In this episode, we set sail on a journey to discover the joy within us. Imagine standing on the deck of a tall ship, surrounded by a crew united by choice. We choose to define ourselves not by past traumas but by the healing journey we’re on. Join me, Joe Bakhmoutski, as we explore how to generate your own energy and happiness. We’ll dive into the art of ‘Growing UP’—a process of living life better, tuning into confidence, and connecting deeply with others. This month’s theme is aliveness, and we’ll uncover how to dial up positive energy and bring more joy into our lives. Let’s embark on this voyage together, leaving behind what no longer serves us and embracing the vibrant life ahead. 🌟
In this episode of The Hour of Healing, Joe Bakhmoutski invites you on a journey to break through the numbness and reclaim your vibrancy. Using the metaphor of navigating life aboard a tall ship, Joe explores how we can choose healing over trauma, and movement over stagnation. Through personal stories and powerful rituals, discover how to let go of past burdens and embrace a future filled with aliveness and connection. Join Joe as he guides you through a reconnection meditation, helping you tap into your inner wellspring of energy and joy. 🌅🚢
In this episode of The Hour of Healing, Joe Bakhmoutski invites you aboard a metaphorical tall ship, where the power of choice unites us all. Together, we explore how to bring joy into your life and elevate your energy to inspire those around you. Joe shares personal insights from his journey, revealing how personal development has been a catalyst for feeling joy, love, and excitement. Through visualization, reflection, and journaling, discover how to let go of past traumas and embrace a future filled with belonging, fulfillment, and joy. This episode is a call to action to reclaim control, build healthy boundaries, and ignite the fire of aliveness within. 🌅🚢
In this episode of The Hour of Healing, Joe Bakhmoutski invites you aboard a metaphorical tall ship, where the power of choice unites us all. Together, we explore how to unleash your creative spark and find inspiration anytime. Joe shares personal insights from his journey, revealing how personal development has been a catalyst for feeling joy, love, and excitement. Through visualization, reflection, and journaling, discover how to let go of past traumas and embrace a future filled with belonging, fulfillment, and joy. This episode is a call to action to reclaim control, build healthy boundaries, and ignite the fire of aliveness within. 🌅🚢
In this episode of The Hour of Healing, Joe Bakhmoutski invites you aboard a metaphorical tall ship, where the power of choice unites us all. Together, we explore how to fuel your spirit and master emotional energy to navigate life’s challenges. Joe shares personal insights from his journey, revealing how personal development has been a catalyst for feeling joy, love, and excitement. Through visualization, reflection, and journaling, discover how to let go of past traumas and embrace a future filled with belonging, fulfillment, and joy. This episode is a call to action to reclaim control, build healthy boundaries, and ignite the fire of aliveness within. 🌅🚢
In this episode of The Hour of Healing, Joe Bakhmoutski invites you aboard a metaphorical tall ship, where the power of choice unites us all. Together, we explore how to ignite your mental and physical vibrancy, moving from a state of survival to one of thriving. Joe shares personal insights from his journey, revealing how personal development has been a catalyst for finding love, purpose, and a sense of aliveness. Through visualization, reflection, and journaling, discover how to let go of past traumas and embrace a future filled with belonging, fulfillment, and joy. This episode is a call to action to reclaim control, build healthy boundaries, and ignite the fire of aliveness within. 🌅🚢
In this episode of The Hour of Healing, Joe Bakhmoutski invites you aboard a metaphorical tall ship, where the power of choice unites us all. Together, we explore the transformative journey from merely surviving to truly thriving. Joe shares personal insights from his own healing journey, revealing how personal development has been a catalyst for finding love, purpose, and a sense of aliveness. Through visualization, reflection, and journaling, discover how to let go of past traumas and embrace a future filled with belonging, fulfillment, and joy. This episode is a call to action to reclaim control, build healthy boundaries, and ignite the fire of aliveness within. 🌅🚢
Join Joe Bakhmoutski on The Hour of Healing as we embark on a journey of resilience and renewal. Imagine yourself on the deck of a tall ship, where the choice to heal unites us all. In this episode, Joe shares personal insights from his 25-year journey in personal development, revealing how resilience has been a cornerstone in overcoming life’s challenges. Through visualization, reflection, and journaling, discover how to let go of the past and embrace the vibrant, alive feeling of being in the moment. This episode is a call to action to recognize your strength, celebrate your survival, and take bold steps toward a life full of belonging and fulfillment. 🌅🚢
Join Joe Bakhmoutski on The Hour of Healing as we embark on a journey of resilience and renewal. Imagine yourself on the deck of a tall ship, where the choice to heal unites us all. In this episode, Joe shares personal insights from his 25-year journey in personal development, revealing how resilience has been a cornerstone in overcoming life’s challenges. Through visualization, reflection, and journaling, discover how to let go of the past and embrace the vibrant, alive feeling of being in the moment. This episode is a call to action to recognize your strength, celebrate your survival, and take bold steps toward a life full of belonging and fulfillment. 🌅🚢
In this transformative episode of The Hour of Healing, join Joe Bakhmoutski as he invites you aboard a metaphorical tall ship, setting sail towards a horizon of hope and renewal. Together, we explore the power of choice—choosing to define ourselves not by past traumas, but by the healing journey we embark on. Joe shares his personal story as a survivor of child sexual abuse and cancer, emphasizing the importance of feeling good about your life today, no matter where you are on your journey. Through visualization and storytelling, discover how to let go of what no longer serves you and embrace the vibrant, alive feeling of being in the moment. This episode is a call to action to trust in your strength and capability, and to find your own way to thrive. 🌅🚢
Difficult conversations are a part of life, but they don’t have to leave us feeling stuck or defeated. In this episode of The Hour of Healing, we explore how to approach these moments with grace, courage, and clarity. I’ll share personal stories, practical tools, and a framework to help you navigate tough discussions—whether it’s setting boundaries, expressing your truth, or finding common ground. Together, we’ll uncover how to turn these challenging moments into opportunities for growth, connection, and healing. Let’s face the hard talks with strength and compassion. 🌟
What does it mean to truly feel alive? To wake up each day with a sense of vibrancy, connection, and purpose? In this episode of The Hour of Healing, we explore how to cultivate that aliveness, even in the face of life’s challenges. I’ll share personal stories, practical tools, and a powerful framework to help you shift your focus, embrace gratitude, and reconnect with what lights you up. Together, we’ll uncover how to bring more love, impact, fascination, and truth into your daily life. Let’s create a life that feels vibrant, meaningful, and fully alive. 🌟
Life can knock us down in ways we never expected. But here’s the truth: the struggle you face is not who you are—it’s the circumstances you’re in. And those circumstances? They can change. In this episode of The Hour of Healing, we’re diving deep into how to pick yourself up when life feels heavy. I’ll share personal stories, practical tools, and a powerful framework called LIFT—Love, Impact, Fascination, and Truth—to help you rise above the challenges and create a life filled with meaning and hope. You’ll learn how to shift your focus, set boundaries, and embrace your truth, so you can move forward with courage and clarity. Let’s rise together. 🌟
Welcome to The Hour of Healing, where we embark on a transformative journey to turn life’s challenges into opportunities for growth. Imagine yourself on the deck of a tall ship, surrounded by a crew united by choice. Together, we choose to define ourselves not by past traumas, but by the healing journey we’re on. This episode is about using triggers as tools—guiding us to where we need to heal and grow.
Join me, Joe Bakhmoutski, as we explore how to transform those painful reminders into powerful catalysts for change. We’ll dive into the process of “Growing UP,” a journey of self-awareness and healing, and how it can lead to a more vibrant, fulfilling existence. Together, we’ll engage in a powerful leaving behind ritual to release what’s been holding us back and step boldly into the present moment.
Through stories, reflections, and meditations, we’ll uncover the courage to face our fears and frustrations, using them as stepping stones to a life of greater meaning and connection. Whether you’re navigating rocky seas or calm waters, this episode will inspire you to embrace your truth and live with a sense of urgency and joy.
Join us on this voyage of healing and hope, and let’s set sail towards a life of greater meaning and connection. 🌟
Negative influences are everywhere—whether it’s the news, toxic relationships, or even our own inner critic. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to let them control your life. In this episode of The Hour of Healing, we’ll explore five powerful directives to help you fortify your mind, shift your focus, and reclaim your energy. I’ll share personal stories, practical exercises, and insights on how to navigate negativity with grace and courage. You’ll learn how to set boundaries, focus on what truly matters, and find sources of integration that bring wholeness into your life. Let’s rise above the noise together and create a life filled with meaning, connection, and hope. 🌟
Welcome back to The Hour of Healing! In this episode, we’re diving into the power of hope—how to hold onto it, nurture it, and let it carry you through even the most challenging days.
Through personal stories, practical exercises, and heartfelt insights, we’ll explore:
- The COPE framework: Control, Openness, Progress, and Energy.
- A simple visualization exercise to regain control and focus.
- How to reconnect with your values and create a daily sense of accomplishment.
This is your invitation to keep moving forward, no matter what life throws your way. Let’s chart a course toward hope, together.
s so easy to lose sight of it in the challenging world of today. There are so many worries and so much uncertainty at every turn... But we can rediscover that sense of purpose by looking into that which is most important to us now as we move forward to find the place where we belong.
Welcome back to The Hour of Healing! In this episode, we’re flipping the script on therapy. It’s not just about working through pain—it’s about rediscovering joy, creativity, and connection. Therapy isn’t just helpful—it can be fun!
Through personal stories and practical insights, we’ll explore:
- The four biggest obstacles to therapy (and how to overcome them).
- Why therapy is a creative, empowering process that puts you in control.
- How finding the right therapist—your “Kind with a capital K”—can transform your life.
This is your invitation to see therapy in a whole new light. Let’s chart a course toward healing, hope, and more fun in your life.
Welcome back to The Hour of Healing! In this episode, we’re exploring one of the most profound truths about healing: it doesn’t happen in isolation. Healing is relational.
Through heartfelt storytelling and practical insights, we’ll uncover:
- Why connection is vital to your healing journey.
- How to find and nurture relationships that truly support you.
- A powerful exercise to release old pain and open yourself to deeper connection.
This is your invitation to reconnect—with yourself, with others, and with the shared human experience that unites us all. Together, we’ll chart a course toward healing, hope, and belonging.
Welcome aboard The Hour of Healing! In this first episode, we set sail on a journey of hope, healing, and self-discovery. Together, we’ll explore how emotional triggers—those moments that bring up old pain or difficult memories—can actually become powerful tools for growth.
Through vivid storytelling and practical insights, we’ll uncover:
- Why triggers aren’t here to hurt you—they’re here to guide you.
- How to give shape to your emotions so you can release them.
- The six essential skills—clarity, compassion, courage, confidence, creative expression, and connectedness—that will help you navigate life’s challenges.
This is your invitation to reconnect with your truth, your dreams, and your higher self. Let’s chart a course toward healing, together.
In this deeply personal and vital episode of The Power to Be Happy podcast, Joe sits down with Daniel Rylatt, a clinical psychologist and mental health professional, to tackle one of the most challenging yet necessary topics: understanding suicide and how we can support ourselves and others.
Joe and Daniel reflect on their journey of friendship, which began with a walk in nature and led to profound conversations about mental health, connection, and the ripple effects of suicide. Together, they explore the importance of creating safe spaces for these conversations, the power of authentic connection, and practical ways to approach someone who may be struggling.
Daniel shares insights from his years of experience, including the staggering statistics around suicide, the role of connection in fostering hope, and how to navigate sensitive conversations with compassion and care. They also discuss the importance of self-care, resilience, and finding ways to reconnect with the things that bring us joy and grounding—even in the midst of life’s toughest moments.
This episode is a heartfelt invitation to lean into the hard conversations, to show up for ourselves and others, and to remember that even in the darkest times, there is hope.
Full Podcast Transcript
Episode Title: Hope in Action: Understanding Suicide and Supporting Each Other with Daniel Rylatt
Joe: Daniel, welcome to The Power to Be Happy podcast. I’m stoked that we’re here having a conversation again—this time about quite a different topic, about a vital topic, about a necessary topic. I honour you for being here, for being in this space, for making the time for this. But I want to welcome you to the show. How you going, Daniel?
Daniel: Hey, Joe. Yes. Good day. Good to be here. Thanks for inviting me along and, yeah, having one of our conversations.
Joe: Yeah, that’s it. That’s it, Daniel. And today, we’re talking about, you know, a difficult topic. I want to probably start with, you know, how this conversation has come about.
Daniel: Yeah.
Joe: We’ve been doing some workshops in the community, in the city council, and it all really came about from the time when we were out in the bush, out on a walk, out in nature. We were becoming friends, and I learned a lot about you. I also learned that you’re a mental health professional in the space of suicide prevention. And it was fascinating to me. I remember just asking you, like, “Daniel, why do people do it?”
And in that moment, Daniel, when you started to really break it down for me, I remember we actually stopped. Right? We stopped on the path—it was like a sandy path—and you actually started drawing out this diagram on the ground. You said, “There are three factors that have to come together.”
And I remember feeling this mix of emotions. A part of me was excited to learn about it, but another part of me was flinching. I almost wanted to run away. I felt lightheaded, overwhelmed. I thought, “Oh my goodness, I can’t believe we’re talking about this. Stop, stop, stop.”
But that’s when I realized: this is a vital topic. This is a difficult topic, particularly for anyone with a history of mental ill health or who’s been through difficult things in their life. So I think it’s so vital to talk about it in a way that’s safe—or safe enough, I should say—using the right language, but also empowering.
And so, yeah, I want to thank you for doing the work that you do in this space for so many years and supporting people. Thank you for what you’re doing. And, yeah, tell us—what do we need to know before we get into the conversation of understanding suicide and how we can support ourselves and the people around us?
Daniel: Yeah. Well, we need to know that suicide is very confronting. It’s a very emotive topic, as you’ve referred to, but we also know it affects pretty much all of us in one way or another.
When we had that talk, I remember the walk and the talk that we had—and getting down and drawing the diagram in the gravel, in the sand. One of the things we talked about then was, you know, I said there is research out there that indicates that for every person who dies by suicide, up to 134 people are affected. That’s the ripple effect.
At first, I thought, “Well, that’s a really large number—how does that make sense?” But if we think about it, people are connected to communities in general one way or another—whether it’s through school, work, family, social groups, sporting groups—and the impact of suicide goes well beyond those first degrees of contact.
And that’s when we’re talking statistics. We start to talk about numbers and percentages and things, but that’s the statistics that are recorded for suicide. That doesn’t capture all of the times that people have attempted suicide or the other people who are having intense emotional crises and might be self-harming or thinking of self-harming. So that’s really, in one sense, to use a bit of a cliché, the tip of the iceberg.
We know that in Australia, over 3,200 people die by suicide every year. That equates to about nine people a day in Australia dying by suicide. And we know that there are other parts of our population that are disproportionately affected.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: Those parts of the population, generally, we can talk about them in concrete terms—people who are parts of communities that are stigmatized or marginalized or find it much more difficult to access services. That includes people in the LGBTQI+ community and also our First Nations communities.
We know that people in those communities are subject to more stresses in daily life and worse health outcomes overall—both physically and in mental health. Unfortunately, self-harm and suicide, deliberate self-harm and suicide, are also a part of that picture.
But if we build on that—what’s behind those statistics? One way of summarizing that, Joe, is talking about connection—or, in this case, lack of connection.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: You and I were chatting about this a little bit earlier, and we were actually speaking with some people at the local city council earlier on. It can be easy—I certainly found coming into this space—it can be easy to feel quite overwhelmed and get pushed into a space of hopelessness.
But actually, in defining the problem, we can also start to indicate ways to find a solution—or even if we don’t say “solution,” ways of responding and improving things.
So if we talk about lack of connection, that points to a way out for a lot of people. What can we do if we’re wanting to be supporters or helpers? It’s fostering connection.
We do know that for people who decide they want to end their life, they feel they have no other choice—that they have no way out but to kill themselves. Often, that’s because they have overwhelming or unrelenting emotional suffering.
That suffering can come from a whole range of different causes and sources. It’s usually not simply one thing, but a collection of things—or a building up and layering of stressors and problems that, over time, build up.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: It can happen quite quickly, of course, but it can also build up over time in terms of what we talk about as psychosocial losses. These are everyday stressors, but when they’re cumulative, they can overwhelm someone’s ability to cope or connect.
That’s things like financial stresses, housing, employment, vocational, relational—a whole series of things. And then these intersect with the person’s situation and their context—whether they are part of a community that is more marginalized, if they’re experiencing mental health stressors, and a whole range of factors.
That’s why, in talking about suicide, the field talks far more about understanding and responding now.
When I started working in this area, probably about ten years ago, we used to talk about predicting and preventing. And we kind of know those approaches don’t get the best results. So now, it’s about trying to understand the individual in their context.
Joe: Yeah, exactly. And I love that you bring that context in because I think it’s so important.
It really brought it home for me when you said that this many people die by suicide. You know, that it’s more, I think, than people who die in car crashes, right?
Daniel: Yeah.
Joe: So that really puts things in context—how big of a challenge it is for our society, for our culture, to bring suicide into finding more helpful ways to deal with it.
Daniel: Yeah.
Joe: But, yeah, I want to transition into talking about, you know, when we’re dealing with our own stress, with our own challenges, but also that of people in our life. Whether it’s someone—it might be a friend, it might be a loved one, it might be your partner, it might be someone you work with, or just someone in the community. How do we approach, you know, how do we kind of try to understand where they might be at? If we see that someone is not acting in the way that they usually do, how do we try to gauge where they’re at? And then, kind of, is it even safe to bring up the topic of suicide?
Daniel: Yeah. Yeah. That’s a really good question there, Joe. And perhaps I’ll begin with the last part there. In terms of the understanding in the mental health field, we know that it is safe to bring up the topic of suicide. It’s not that we talk about it gratuitously, of course, but indeed—and I had this fear when I was going through my training—I had a fear that if I asked someone if they were at risk of suicide or if they were feeling suicidal, that I would somehow prompt them or put that idea in their head.
And we know that’s not the case. We know that if someone is struggling or in crisis, quite often they actually feel burdened. They might feel ashamed, they might feel hopeless or helpless, they might feel that no one understands them or that no one else has ever felt how they feel.
So by actually addressing the topic or bringing the topic up directly, usually that has a much more beneficial effect. It lets the person know that we’re interested and sincere, and it can help to immediately start to mitigate that sense of isolation or shame. The fact that someone is interested enough and cares enough and is willing to take the time and stop and ask—of course, thoughtfully, sensitively.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: So, yeah, you talked about noticing someone’s change, and that’s actually the key stepping-in point. Some of the signs when someone is struggling are those external changes—whether it be in their behaviors, their routine, how they look, even their body language.
Are they much more down, unhappy, reserved, or withdrawn? Of course, there can be lots of reasons for those things going on, and people can have a whole bunch of problems they’re grappling with and struggling with. It doesn’t mean they’re suicidal. But in terms of the topic that we’re working around today, it is about being alert to and sensitive to signs of distress.
Because as biological organisms, we’re kind of programmed—we’re hardwired—for survival. So for someone to attempt to end their life or for someone to kill themselves, generally speaking, they’ve got to overcome a whole lot of innate instinct to preserve their life.
And so, people can find themselves thinking along those lines when they have what they feel is overwhelming, unbearable, and oftentimes inescapable suffering. It could be physical pain along with emotional pain.
And so, when we notice changes in people’s behavior, their appearance, or the things they’re saying, then we can start to be—the radar’s out there, the radar’s scanning—and we start to want to respond. But response, of course, needs to be sensitive, compassionate, and really, there’s no particular guidebook in terms of required steps. But there are some fundamental principles.
And so, that’s coming from a sense of being authentic, ideally being able to take some time. So, it’s often—you know, there may not be a better time, so it might have to be a rushed conversation. But where possible, being sensitive again to the time, the place, the setting, and also respectful of the other person.
And really doing whatever we can to communicate that openness, that accepting attitude, and very much what we call a non-judgmental attitude. Because that person’s suffering or their distress—that’s unique and individual to them. And we can’t really ever know what that is like or how much they’re struggling.
So being alert to signs of distress, being willing to actually make a move forward and reach out—or, as is commonly talked about nowadays, you know, reaching out—but connecting or opening and inviting someone into a conversation.
Joe: That makes so much sense. Like, what are—I know some of—we’ll talk about, like, how do you start that conversation? Maybe we’ll kind of even, I don’t know, role-play something like that. But I want to actually ask, what are some of the things we don’t want to say? Right? Because we want to be able to have that, as you say, compassionate—
Daniel: Yeah.
Joe: —authentic conversation. What are some of the things we don’t want to say in that type of a conversation?
Daniel: Yeah. No, and I’m glad you asked that, Joe. And I do often think about it in terms of—especially, you know, in terms of—I’m someone who enjoys humour, and I know you have a great sense of humour, and we’re always joking with each other.
And from when I’ve got my mental health clinician hat on, I’m thinking, well, where does the humour stop or the blokey humour stop, and, you know, where does some real concern start?
So, some everyday phrases that we use—and of course, we’re not wanting to inhibit people’s speech—but if you are concerned about someone, we want to be talking in a way that helps them to feel safe enough, respected, and that this is an accepting and authentic kind of space.
So, if we especially start with things like, “Oh, don’t worry, I’m sure it’s nothing,” or, “You’re not thinking of doing something stupid, are you?”—these are all things we might say to ourselves or amongst our family in a day-to-day conversation.
I’m not talking about that. But if we are opening a sensitive conversation, we’ve seen some signs of distress, and we’re really wanting to inquire authentically and build some trust, build some mutual rapport and respect, avoiding saying things like, “You’re not thinking of doing something stupid, are you?” or, “Oh, surely it can’t be as bad as all that.”
Those are phrases that are going to close down the conversation. They’re not going to invite someone to feel secure enough. If they’re already feeling vulnerable, if they’re already judging themselves and criticizing themselves, they may feel that they have a terrible burden and couldn’t possibly open up to anybody.
So we need to start the conversation if we can. We all make slips and trips. I’m sure if I watch back the podcast, I’ll hear myself saying things, and I’ll think, “Oh, why did you say that?” So, it’s not about being the word police on each individual word, but getting a handle on those concepts, very much so.
Joe: Yeah. I love that, Daniel. So true. And, like, we’ve got to know what not to say. But, I mean, how would we gauge that? How would we bring up with the person that something is different? Like, as you were saying, like, something changed. Right? How do we have that conversation, especially if the person might be in distress, might be dealing with things from the past, or might be dealing with challenges now? How do we bring it up in a way that’s respectful, but also, like, you know, bringing up those concerns in a way that we don’t just stop the conversation right away?
Daniel: Yeah. Of course. And, you know, you and I have spoken about this in the past where I could say, you know, it’s about noticing things. Joe is normally really bubbly, he’s normally very talkative, and, you know, of course, if I see you one day and you’re a bit down and flat, okay, that might be fine. But if I’m seeing you consistently over a period, I might be saying, “Oh, Joe, I’m just wondering, you know, I’m wondering how things are going. You seem a bit down.”
And of course, we know you might just sort of shake that off and brush it off or say, “No, I’m fine.” Now, depending on what else I know about the situation and about you, and what other signs or indicators are going on, I might kind of leave it at that because I do need to respect you and trust you. You know, in order to build trust and rapport, I’ve got to be able to accept what you say as well.
However, I can also speak truly to my own experience. So it’s not about me talking at you about yourself, but I can authentically say, “Oh, you know what? Look, I’m glad to hear you’re okay, but I’ve got to say, from the way I see things, you’ve really changed a lot recently, and it makes me worry about you. So, you know, I hope you don’t mind me asking, but I really do want to check—are you really okay? Is there something more going on? Is there something worrying you or troubling you?”
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: So, you see, I started that by actually talking about my perspective. Because I’ve asked you, and you said, “No, I’m fine,” you know, you sort of brush it off—“I’m gonna talk about it, drop it, leave me alone, whatever, don’t bother me.” And if I feel that there is a need or it’s important, well, I can revisit that, but I’m doing so now from my perspective—what I’m seeing and hearing and how it’s making me feel in relation to you.
Joe: So cool. Because that’s nonjudgmental. Right? That’s just bringing your own experience into it. And that way, I’m not feeling—you know—or the person you’re talking to is not feeling judged immediately. Right? Like, “You are like this,” or, “You are like that.” It’s kind of talking about your own perspective.
Daniel: Exactly.
Joe: So let’s just say the person brings out the fact that, yeah, there are things going on. They’re stressed. They may have experienced or maybe are experiencing some difficulties now. Like, how do we talk around that?
Daniel: Yeah. Well, one of the first things is to validate that and acknowledge it, first of all. Because I’ve asked you, and now you’ve opened up. You said, “Yeah, it’s not great. This and this part,” or whatever. And now you’ve opened up a bit, I need to honour that and respect that and say, “Okay, you know, I’m really sorry to hear that, but I’m glad you felt you could tell me. Thanks for opening up or thanks for letting me know.”
So, first of all, acknowledging what’s been said.
Joe: Yep.
Daniel: Importantly, you said what not to say. At times, we’re gonna move to a solution, like, “Let’s find a way out of this,” or, “What are we gonna do next?” or, “Let’s put some plans in place.” But if someone’s really suffering and struggling, we don’t want to just come in and shut it down. It can be a closing down again just to offer a solution, you know? That’s pretty similar to dismissing it or minimizing it—just saying, “Oh, we’ll just do this.”
Because if I go to that problem-solving and that fixing—and look, that’s always my first edge. You know, I’ve got a lot of training and a lot of experience in the mental health field, and I still have to have a little kind of voice in the back of my head saying, “Don’t go to problem-solving straight away, Daniel.”
Joe: It’s me. It’s me as well.
Daniel: It’s a normal reaction, so it’s not wrong. But if we are having these sensitive conversations, we’ve actually got to be, as much as we can, prepared to tolerate that distress.
Because, you know, when there’s distress or fear or whatever it is, there are a couple of main reactions people know—fight, flight, freeze—and there’s a few others we can build onto that. But if someone talks about a problem, one instinctive reaction is to kind of avoid it and run away, and that might be why I don’t even ask you. Or another is to make it go away by fixing it.
But if I try and do that, I’m not actually listening to you and understanding what’s going on for you. So asking about how the person’s feeling, kind of attempting to empathize with that—or at least, even if I can’t understand it, again, you can pretty rarely go wrong by being authentic and talking about your own experience.
So I might even say—you might tell me the dilemma or the problem—I say, “Wow, you know, I guess from my experience, that’s something I’ve never really encountered, but I can see or I can hear or I can sense or I can feel that it’s really troubling you.”
So I need to be able to validate that and acknowledge it. You might even say, “Look, thank you so much for trusting me with this, Joe.” Because if you think about it, I might be—now that I’ve asked that question—I might be the first person in your entire life you’ve talked to about this topic or about how you’re feeling right now.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: So acknowledge it. Allow it to be there without running away and without trying to close it down and fix it. It doesn’t mean, of course, approving of it, but acknowledging that it’s there and that it’s real for the person, and thanking them essentially for opening up their zone of trust to you.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: That’s so powerful.
Joe: And, you know, it’s that—yeah. It’s that being authentic. It’s just really listening in. It’s just having that back and forth to try to really understand what’s going on for that person.
And let’s just say that, you know, you notice in that conversation that the person is going through a tough time. Maybe they brought it up in some way, and you sense that they’re not in a good space. They’re struggling.
But how do we then—let’s just say we talked about—how do we move from “They’re struggling” to “I’m worried that you might be thinking of suicide?”
Daniel: Yes. Yeah. Exactly. There’s a couple of broad ways. I’ll try not to make it overly complicated, but one we might call the normalizing or external viewpoint, and the other is the person-specific or internal viewpoint.
So, you might tell me certain things have happened in your life, or this is what’s going on for you at the moment, or things have happened in the past and now it’s come back and affected you. So I’ve acknowledged the reality of that, I’ve expressed some empathy and sympathy or some support, and I’ve thanked you for trusting me.
And then, if nothing explicit has come out but I’m worried about it, I can say, “You know, Joe, often when people are experiencing those kinds of things, sometimes they can get into a crisis situation and they can even start thinking about suicide. I’m just wondering, have you been thinking about suicide?”
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: So that’s that external or normalizing perspective. There’s a mental health professional—he’s actually a psychiatrist in the US—called Sean Shea. He has a clinical institute that he’s founded there, and he’s published several books and techniques on how to ask questions about sensitive subjects. It can be about mental health, it can be about physical health, and of course, mental health and suicide are very sensitive and sometimes even taboo subjects.
So, he coined this and labeled it the normalizing approach, saying, “Lots of other people who have been in similar situations have felt this. Just wondering if that’s how it’s affecting you.”
The other way is what Sean Shea calls shame attenuation, but it’s like what I call the internal or personalizing approach. And I might use that particularly if I know you a little better. When we’ve got a closer relationship, I might say, “You know what, Joe, just hearing about all of that makes me think. I’m wondering about you, and I’m wondering if, given everything that’s happened to you and how you told me you’re feeling, you’ve been having those thoughts. I’ve seen how withdrawn you are. I’m worried, and I’m wondering—have you been thinking about suicide?”
Joe: Yep.
Daniel: I shouldn’t, by the way—if we go back and watch it—I probably wouldn’t have said “worried” because I don’t want you to then worry about me worrying about you, if I can put it that way.
Joe: Exactly.
Daniel: But then again, I think that’s also true because, you know, you’re not ever gonna be in a place where you can perfect it.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: You haven’t got the script there perfectly.
Joe: Yeah. You’re not gonna say, My dear friend… Oh, hang on. So yeah, let me rewind
No, that’s totally right. But I wanna also focus on the fact that we are being very specific, right? We’re not—again, you know, we talked about things we want to avoid using phrases like, “You’re not thinking of doing something stupid or silly, are you?” We’ve been very direct, right? So we’re saying things like “suicide” or “killing yourself.”
Daniel: Yep. And just before I respond to that, I’ve talked about the two approaches—internal, external, general, personal. Neither one of those is right or more right than the other. It depends on the situation, the feel. If you don’t know what to do, just mentally flip a coin and choose one. It doesn’t really particularly matter in most circumstances.
Joe: And you could probably even switch between them in the context of one conversation.
Daniel: Yeah. Exactly.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: But then, to come to the question you asked now—yes, if we’re actually concerned about a suicide risk, and we’re gonna have this conversation meaningfully, we need to actually know what we’re talking about.
Joe: Yep.
Daniel: Because there are many times—as you said, I work as a mental health professional—and sometimes I’m interviewing someone and I’m thinking, “Oh my goodness, this is where the conversation’s going.” It might be the source of it, it might be anywhere else, and it’s not until I ask those clarifiers that I realize, “Oh, okay, I was on the wrong track. We’re not heading down this pathway, it’s about something else.”
Or, you know, you might be telling me about your problems, and the example we’ve used today is, say, someone’s lost their job. That’s why I have to understand—what is the meaning and the impact on that person?
Because to me, for instance, losing my job—that would be, “Oh my goodness, this is terrible, this is a disaster. How am I gonna pay my rent?” and all of this kind of thing.
So if I think about it from my point of view, I’m gonna impose that view on you. That’s why I need to put my own perspective aside and be genuinely there to find out your perspective.
Because for every time that someone loses their job and I say, “Oh my goodness, that’s terrible, you poor thing, how are you gonna cope?” they might go, “Yeah, it’s great. I really wanted to get out of there, and I’ve got this fantastic opportunity.”
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: So, we’re wanting to have a laugh a bit, but I’m not joking about that. It’s about the person—what the person’s perception and interpretation of those events are.
Because you might be really down on it because, yeah, to play with the job theme, you might have decided you’re taking your career in another direction, and you’re feeling really bad because you don’t want to tell your boss. You’ve got a really good boss, a really good company, a really good manager, whatever it is, and you feel like you might let them down.
So in that little scenario I’ve just painted, you’re actually feeling really down because you’ve got an exciting project, but you’re worried about how it’s gonna impact on you.
So until I find out the extent of that feeling, I might be trying to problem-solve something that’s not there.
Joe: Yeah. Totally. I love that because that goes back to being authentic and listening. And so let’s just touch on that for a moment because I think this is so vital. Especially for people like me who love to jump in and problem-solve or are sometimes tempted to assume things, right? Like, “Oh, this is how I am. This must be how everyone else is.”
How do we become more empathetic and really try to listen by taking the other person’s perspective in a way that’s rooted in compassion?
Daniel: Well, it’s those—and you pretty much answered the question in the way you asked it—it’s about being very present, what we call active listening.
In fact, I’ve worked in mental health for 20 years now, and it’s only about two or three years ago that I actually discovered a deeper meaning of empathy. I thought I knew what sympathy and empathy were, and it wasn’t until I was running courses and workshops in these areas that I realized I had it wrong.
I used to think that empathy was me putting myself in your position—mentally imagining what it’s like for me, Daniel, sitting there in Joe’s chair running the podcast.
Joe: Yep.
Daniel: That’s wrong. What empathy actually—like radical empathy—is, is me doing what I can to imagine what it’s like for you in your chair. Not what it would be like for me in your chair, but what is it actually like for you?
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: And we can never truly know, but we can try.
Daniel: But in one of our other conversations about this topic—I know on the weekend—I mentioned it’s something you can Google on YouTube. Look up on YouTube, there’s an interview, and the guys in Northwest Mental Health actually put me onto this little clip. It’s about two minutes long, and it’s a news report about an interview with this fellow, Darnell, the bus driver.
I won’t talk you through it now in detail, but if people are interested, they can look it up. Darnell’s actually a bus driver in the US, driving across a bridge with a busload of commuters during the morning peak. And there’s someone on the bridge, and they’re actually on the other side of the railing on the pedestrian bridge. There’s a car bridge, a pedestrian walkway, and a railing.
So Darnell, he stops the bus in the middle of traffic. Yeah. He calls back to base to ask them to call the ambulance. And he gets out, and he actually goes up to the person. He doesn’t rush at them. He’s a really big guy, and the person on the other side of the railing is quite small—a small woman.
And Darnell’s a bus driver on a busy bus route in the morning. He’s put himself in that position, that person’s position. You know, it seems kind of really obvious, but he noticed it, and he stopped. Cars are going past, people are cycling past—you can see it in the footage from the dash cam in the bus.
And Darnell decides—he realizes there’s someone in distress. You know, who’s gonna respond? So he gets out, he stops the bus, gets out, and he says—he just says to the lady, “Ma’am, would you like to come back onto this side of the railing?”
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: So he’s responding to what’s there. He doesn’t need to ask her what problems she’s got. He doesn’t need to ask her how she’s feeling about them, you know, in that sense.
We don’t want to overcomplicate it. That’s why I love this example. Sometimes, when we’re running a workshop for professionals, I show that at the end of the day. I say, “Okay, we’ve just spent eight hours learning all of the theory and the techniques and practicing them, and here’s a bus driver that can do the whole thing in two minutes.”
Joe: Yep.
Daniel: Because he just says, “Ma’am, would you like to come back on this side of the railing?”
Joe: Yep.
Daniel: And as I mentioned to you, Joe, he’s a big guy. The lady in particular is quite small. He actually sits down on the ground so that they’re on the same level.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: So this guy’s brilliant. He plays American football, he drives a bus, and he does a perfect suicide awareness and response.
Joe: Yeah. In two minutes.
Daniel: In two minutes.
Joe: Love it, Daniel. I think that’s such a perfect example of how you kind of cut straight to the chase. Right? You don’t—you know, and obviously, every situation is different. Every situation is different.
But still, sometimes you can just be there. And I think that’s what we’re talking about—what you’re really talking about—that right level of empathy. You’ve been there with a person in the moment.
You don’t bring your own opinion, perspective, or judgment. You’re there. You’re helpful. You’re ready to listen. You’re ready to support.
Daniel: Yeah.
Joe: Now, let’s just say the person you’re talking to is—yeah. Maybe you ask them in a way that is direct and will not be misunderstood, right? “Are you considering suicide?” or, “Have you had thoughts about killing yourself?” Now, let’s just say the person said, “Yeah.” You know what? That’s something that’s come up—or whatever way they say it. Like, what do we say or do then?
Daniel: Yeah. Yeah. And I’m thinking back to the start of this conversation this afternoon. There are going to be clues in that already as to how we can respond.
Because there’s some understanding of what’s going on for them, but also, as we’ve just spoken about—bringing in, you know, referencing the general response that Darnell epitomized—is that people often have their own resources, their own ways of coping. In times of crisis or stress, they can actually lose touch with those or forget about them.
So it’s not all about an expert mental health clinician intervention—that there’s someone else who can magically sail in and keep someone safe. There’s a whole range of things. I often talk about it in terms of a pyramid or that sort of triangle, with the base being the person’s own resources.
Now, for that example with Darnell and the woman on the bridge—her own internal coping resources—they’re overwhelmed at that point. But for the rest of us, in our own conversations, in our own lives, for ourselves or our loved ones or people we work with or people we know, it’s important not to forget those things.
So that’s things like our walk—that’s how we got started on this conversation, Joe.
Joe: Yep.
Daniel: Because you ring me up or message me, “Daniel, when are we going for a walk?”
Joe: Yep. Yep. Because that time just doesn’t arrive by itself, does it?
Daniel: No. We have to make a conscious decision to make that happen. I have to put it in my diary. I have to make sure I protect that time. And sometimes I ring up and go, “Joe, sorry, I can’t make it. We’ll do it next week or the week after.”
But there are internal coping mechanisms. It’s things like going out in the garden, reading a book, calling a friend, going for a walk to the beach, patting a dog—all of those things.
So I mention that because it’s important not to lose sight of those.
Joe: Yes.
Daniel: And to know that there’s a whole way of responding and supporting.
So, some of those things—those internal, self-directed things that we already have or know—I was speaking to someone once, and they were actually quite an accomplished musician. They played a number of instruments, and they were in a really quite terrible situation.
And I said to them, “You know, the weekend’s coming. Are you going to play one of your instruments?”
And they kind of looked at me, and they’re like, “What are you talking about?”
And I said, “Well, you’ve just been telling me you play this and this and this and this.”
And they said, “Oh, yeah. I’d forgotten about that.”
Of course, they hadn’t forgotten, but they had lost touch with that. They had become disconnected from it.
And I asked them about it, so we sort of, you know, settled on one of the instruments. I said, “Where is it?”
They said, “Oh, it’s in my wardrobe, at the back of the wardrobe, up on the top shelf.”
I said, “Do you reckon when you get home, you could take that out? And maybe on the weekend, you could play that instrument?”
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: So I’m not being flippant about this. We all have—everyone has—some sort of way of coping that they’ve forgotten about or lost touch with, and usually, that can be reactivated.
Then there’s the next thing up the pyramid—social contact. And that’s kind of just connecting with people, catching up with friends, inviting a friend for coffee.
And there are two ways of doing that. One way can be, if you like, keeping that privately to yourself. Like, “I want to catch up with my friend. Let’s go see a movie, or let’s go for a coffee, or let’s go for a walk at the beach.”
And I’m just taking—I’m just making use of that social connection to help sustain myself. I don’t, for whatever reason, want to open up to them. I might not need to, but I’m reinvigorating that social connection.
The next level is what we might do if—because we talk about these issues—I would feel quite comfortable. There are lots of people I wouldn’t ring up and say, “Oh my gosh, I’m having an emotional crisis. I don’t think I can cope. Could you come and help me?”
Joe: Yep.
Daniel: Like, I know they would, but I would feel really awkward about that.
Joe: Yep.
Daniel: But I wouldn’t feel awkward calling you up and having that conversation.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: Because I know, through our conversations we’ve already had about this topic, I know that you would want to be involved.
Joe: Yes.
Daniel: And I know that I wouldn’t have to start back at zero or one in the conversation. I could start right where we are in the conversation.
So there’s social contact that’s kind of more general, and then there’s the more specific—that trusted friend, the mentor, the person you’ve shared all sorts of troubles with in the past—that sort of connection.
And then there’s the professionals.
Joe: Yep.
Daniel: So it can be a counselor, GP, or a drop-in center. You know, we were around in Frankston last week, and they’ve got a drop-in center through the library, through the council there, where there are some social workers on hand. So people might know about those local resources.
And then there’s more specific—there’s going to the GP and saying, “Actually, I think I need to speak to a mental health professional, mental health social worker, or a psychologist.”
Then the top of that pyramid is actually the acute health services.
And so they’re things like the triple zero emergency line or the local crisis team or the emergency department. And you can go and seek help there. If that’s not the right spot, they’ll tell you. They’ll let you know and redirect you to where the right spot is.
So you don’t have to solve that puzzle yourself. If you’re struggling yourself with trying to help someone, you don’t have to get all the answers right.
But that’s a little bit of it—a bit of a hierarchy. And it shouldn’t be stepwise. You can weave all of those things together.
The other thing you’ve often asked me about is also about those helplines. And I think Headspace and Beyond Blue—they also have some online chat groups.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: And some of those are 24/7—24 hours a day, seven days a week. Not all of them are, but some of them are.
And the people there are trained and experienced. If it’s appropriate for them to help you in that moment, they will. And if it needs something more, they’ll actually let you know and help connect you in.
So, you know, we’ve been doing this sort of little bit—almost a role play, not quite a role play—but, you know, Daniel and Joe, and I’m asking you, and you’ve opened up.
So there might be a time where I say, “Joe, I’m really worried about you, and I think we need to call someone straight away.”
Joe: Can we do that?
Daniel: Yeah. Yeah. And if it seems that serious, I need to stay with you until we can make that call, until we can get the professionals involved. Other times, no, it’s fine. It’s like, “Okay, you know, Joe’s telling me he’s on top of it. I know he’s going back home, I know his situation there, there’s going to be someone at home.”
And so we’re getting into the realm now of what we call safety planning.
Joe: Yes.
Daniel: By the way, in case I forget, there’s a really good safety planning app available. It originally comes out of the work of some researchers in the US—Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown—around US veterans. These are men and women from the armed services returning from conflict zones.
When they were having a crisis, they might be in their town, they might not even know where the local hospital is or what the phone number for the crisis service is. So they realized—even if we just get a piece of paper and write down the phone number for the hospital—when we’re not in a crisis, we can think, we can plan, we can generate.
And we start to lay down some of those ideas, some of those pathways in our neuronal systems. When we’re in crisis, we’re talking about the blinkers coming on. We’re more pessimistic. We can’t be creative. We can’t generate solutions. And if we see outcomes, we usually assume they’ll be negative.
So we put some of that work in when things aren’t so bad into some safety planning. And if people look it up—it’s beyond now. It was auspiced originally from the work of Stanley and Brown, and it was auspiced under Beyond Blue, but they’ve now handed that over to Lifeline, the people behind Lifeline.
So a quick internet search—if you put in “Lifeline Beyond Now safety planning,” it’ll take you there. It’s free, of course. There’s an app you can download for your phone, and that’s probably what I’d recommend. But you can also do a web-based version on the computer.
And it’s got reasonable categories about warning signs, ways of connecting, contact numbers, professional help. But importantly, with safety planning too, again, it’s not about jumping in totally with solutions, but looking at what’s underlying that and looking at meaning or reasons for living.
So when we think about safety planning—well, what are the reasons for living? Now, sometimes people will say there aren’t any, and that’s their experience. But that’s also—remember I said, for every problem, the solution is kind of contained in that. It’s like, “Okay, now we know what we need to work on.”
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: This is what we can think about. This is what we can experiment with.
So safety planning might take time. It might cover an hour. Someone’s disclosed to me that they’re really very much on the verge of making a serious suicide attempt. I need to stay with them, make a call, involve them in that discussion as much as possible. But I also might have to override their wishes.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: If they tell me they’re at imminent risk to themselves or someone else, I’ve actually got a duty and obligation—an ethical and moral obligation—to respond and call for help.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: Safety planning that I talked about through the Beyond Now app—that’s a work in progress. And in fact, some other people I work with in the UK—an organization called For Mental Health—they actually advocate that everybody has a safety plan, even if you have no history of suicidal thinking, even if you don’t have a mental health history.
Because, of course, crises don’t arrive at convenient times.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: Whenever I talk about this, I see a lot of people in the group or in the workshop nodding. Crises don’t arrive at, like, 10 AM on a sunny Tuesday morning. Of course, sometimes they do. I’m not minimizing people’s—you know, adverse events can happen to people all the time.
But generally, crisis situations—they’re at one o’clock in the morning, on a Saturday or a Sunday or a public holiday.
Joe: Yep.
Daniel: So we need to have had things put in place already, if we can, that we can then activate.
And so, having put some time into the safety planning, we’ve already got some things in mind. So that short-term planning, but also that longer-term piece of work.
And that might involve, “Well, I do want to see a counselor, but it’s hard. It’s hard to find someone.” You know, you put a lot of information out through the works that you do, and through this podcast, about people finding a journey to finding what is helpful therapy or what is useful counseling or support for them.
And so that takes time. So if it takes time, it means we kind of need to get to work now.
And what the people at For Mental Health shared with me—and I love talking about it with other people—those crises, they never—they come from left field. The ones that undo us, you know, usually we can’t see them coming. Or if we see them coming, we don’t get to pick the time.
And so they talk about it being like driving a car and having a safety belt and an airbag.
You know, in Australia, we’ve got compulsory seat belt laws. We do have a lower road toll as a result of that, no matter what anyone thinks of seat belts. But we don’t—I don’t, you know, when I drove over here today, I didn’t think, “Oh, I’ll probably have an accident today, so I’m going to put my seat belt on.”
And yesterday, I didn’t think, “No way I’m having an accident today, so I don’t need it. I won’t wear it.”
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: We just put that safety belt on. If we can, we have a car with an airbag in it because we actually accept that when that crisis is going to arrive, it can arrive really unexpectedly and at the worst possible time.
So I need to have that safety belt already fitted to my car, and I need to put it on.
Joe: Yep.
Daniel: And that’s the same with the safety planning.
So even if it’s this discussion that we’re having, you know, we’re activating ideas in each other’s brains. People listening and watching—they’re kind of getting ideas. So all of that’s feeding into this, “Okay, if I was struggling, or someone I love, or someone I know, or someone I just pass in the street is struggling, what could I actually do?”
So that’s the essence of safety planning. Sometimes it’s just in the next hour or the next day. You know, “Is my friend Joe going to be okay till I meet him tomorrow morning?” And then we make a further plan, or we go down to the hospital, or I’m going to sit with him while he calls his GP and gets an emergency appointment in the next day or two.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: As well as the longer-term safety planning that we might do through things like the Beyond Now app.
Joe: Yeah.
Joe: I love it, Daniel. And I love the metaphor that you used of the seat belt, right? Like, we want to try and do things beforehand so that when the crisis hits, there’s something that helps us—something that helps our friends and loved ones—so we can deal with it better when, you know, those blinkers might be on. When we might be in a space where we don’t see other options, where we might not have immediate access to our own resources.
I was really moved by you bringing up that example of the professional musician. Right? Like how the person was in a state of distress where even something that brought them so much joy, so much passion, was sidelined because they were going through a difficult time.
Daniel: Yeah.
Joe: So maybe let’s touch on that. And let’s touch on—because I think self-care, to me, is really all about your connection with those resources that you might already have. You might take them for granted, or you’ve forgotten about them.
Daniel: Exactly.
Joe: Like, let’s just talk about that. What are some of the things about self-care? Especially—and I guess self-care is, in a way, part of that safety plan, right? Because we don’t just become resilient when the crisis happens.
Daniel: Yeah. It’s something we hopefully build up over time. Just like, for example, if we want to be fit, we want to be doing something consistently that helps us. I can’t just decide today I want to be fit, go to the gym tomorrow, do an eight-hour session, and then magically I’ve made the decision, I’ve done the hard work, and now I’m fit.
It takes time to build up. And there are ups and downs, of course, and the road—it’s not a straight pathway.
Joe: Of course.
Daniel: So a lot of those things are things that we’ve been told, things we know, things we tell other people. Like looking after things—trying as much as possible to look after healthy eating, getting enough sleep, getting a reasonable amount of exercise.
And it’s also reaching that point of accepting, “Oh, well, maybe I’ve got to invest something deliberate in looking after myself a little bit so that I can keep going.”
Joe: Yes.
Daniel: So it’s not about perfecting everybody or kind of getting a rule book out. You know, when we’re younger, in our teenage years or twenties, we can get away with not sleeping, maybe using plenty of alcohol or other things, and not having a really clear diet. But over time, those things—they don’t bolster our ability to cope.
Actually, if they’re covered, we can cope with everything a little bit better. It’s not going to solve everything—healthy eating isn’t going to solve everything—but it can help to underpin that.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: And it doesn’t mean we have to be like that all the time or every day. But if we’re kind of working towards that, as you say.
Something that really helps people is pets.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: Often, you know—and there are dog people and cat people, and then there are other pet people as well—but certainly, pets, and there’s plenty of research and science to back that up. Having a pet, stroking a pet, or looking after a pet—looking after someone else, anyone else—can actually have benefits for us.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: And one thing that people—I know lots of people who have dogs. I don’t have a dog. I love dogs, but I don’t have a dog at the moment. But they say, “Oh, I’ve got to get out for a walk because the dog makes me.”
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: Because the dog doesn’t care if it’s a public holiday or—well, sometimes some dogs won’t go out if it’s raining—but dogs don’t pay attention to whether you’re sick, or it’s a public holiday, or it’s a bit cold. They want to go out for that walk.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: Especially in most urban environments, if you’re walking a dog—you end up going to a park. And what do you run into at the park?
Joe: People with dogs.
Daniel: People with dogs, yeah. And you actually get—I used to know all the dogs’ names, and I didn’t know the owners’ names. They were just, you know, Fido’s dad and Spot’s mum.
But allowing some of those things to be in place—and then there are other more deliberate things, as we’ve referenced. That might be, you know, physical activity. We know there are mind-body benefits for physical activity. Physical activity improves our physical health, and it also improves our mental health.
Not everyone has the same range of opportunities or abilities. So it’s working out what works for you. For some people, it’s training for a marathon or running a marathon. And of course, if I look in the media, there are people who can run seven marathons in a week.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: But it’s not about that. If that’s what works for them, great. But it’s not about that. It’s about, “Will I get out and go for a walk to the park? Will I think about getting a pet? I can’t have a dog, and I like cats, so I have a cat.”
This might sound like really matter-of-fact, everyday stuff. And just because it is doesn’t mean it isn’t valuable.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: They’re not going to jump in and solve the problem on their own. We know that. But just to emphasize, for people who are listening and thinking about applying that for themselves—all of these things actually add up.
Joe: Exactly.
Daniel: They all bring some benefits with them. And even if we’re really struggling, they buy us time to get through to the next day.
Joe: Exactly. And it makes me think about those protective layers in that context.
And I know you also mentioned—I just want to bring up something that I think is really important, that really stood out to me when you were talking about it in the workshop the other day—that when someone often has thoughts about suicide, they can be quite intense, but they’re often short-lasting. I just wanted to quickly touch on that.
Daniel: Yep.
Joe: That’s the case, isn’t it?
Daniel: Yeah. As much as we understand that—and there are people who have studied this, professionals who have worked with people during suicidal crises, and people who have survived a suicide attempt—we know that the thoughts come and go.
Absolutely. And I don’t want anyone hearing this to misconstrue what I’m saying. They can go, but they come and go, and they’re short-lived.
Generally speaking, the most intense suicidal thoughts—those associated with that intensity—it can’t be maintained. It can’t maintain itself.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: So they’re generally short-lived. That intense suicidal urge or impulse can be quite short-lived. So it’s about being able to get through that for ourselves or if we’re supporting people.
And this is where I think we were talking about it. It can be about diverting or distracting.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: And again, I’m not trivializing it, but if we think—if anyone’s ever been a smoker and tried to stop smoking, or any other kind of addictive behavior—those urges can be very, very strong.
But we actually learn that if we can ride out that urge—
Joe: Yes.
Daniel: The intensity might still be there.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: And we know it could come back. But that intense urge—“I have to act now”—that’s actually quite short-lived.
Joe: So, yeah. Exactly. And I think that’s so important to bring up because those protective layers—those self-care routines, if you will—or just an authentic, compassionate conversation with a friend, that can sometimes make all the difference, can’t it?
And sometimes that’s when you can, hopefully, access the things that you love doing—maybe your passions, maybe your hobbies, maybe rediscovering something that was pulled aside. Maybe life just got in the way, and you didn’t get around to playing that sport, or playing that instrument, or doing that thing with a friend.
So those things become really vital, don’t they? Including things like therapy.
Daniel: Well, let’s say—and that’s why, if I can just jump in there, Joe—that’s because, yes, those intense feelings are very short-lived. And it can be about distracting or diverting or just getting through the hour, you know? Getting through tonight, or this day, or this 24 hours.
But also, yeah, as I said, I don’t want to minimize that. Sometimes people experience that recurrently. So, okay, it’s short-lived, but it’s going to be back. And it’s back again, and again, and again—to the point where it feels unrelenting.
And people can become really quite sensitized to that. Even when there is relative peace, they’re actually on edge because they know it’s going to come back, or they fear it’s going to come back.
So that’s indeed where we want to talk about—if that’s the situation—it is important to think about, yeah, where is the scope? And that’s where I think you were going now—where is the scope for deliberately undertaking some sort of therapeutic endeavor as well?
Joe: Exactly. And, you know, exactly right. And I feel like, for me, therapy has been something that—I had a lot of self-labeling around therapy. I was like, “Well, up until several years ago, I thought, if I go into therapy, what is it going to solve? Or, if I go into therapy, does this mean that I’m broken? Or that something is truly wrong with me?”
But also, another thing that was coming up for me was, “What if I do therapy and it doesn’t help? Then I’m really screwed.”
Daniel: Yeah.
Daniel: Like, then that means, so there’s a sense of, like, there’s a lot of barriers that get in the way. Especially for many of us who may have, for example, tried having a conversation with a mental health professional, or a GP, or whoever else in that space.
And maybe that conversation wasn’t helpful, or wasn’t what you kind of expected. And you’re kind of going, “Well, I’m not going to do that now.” Right?
Daniel: Yeah.
Joe: Yeah. Now I’m in the worst position, as I said. “Look, I gave it a go, and it didn’t work.”
So I just want to get your thoughts on that as well. Because obviously, you know a lot about that space, being a clinician as well.
What are your thoughts about therapy and how it can help someone who’s perhaps dealing with a history of personal trauma, or traumatic stress, or maybe ongoing stress or stresses that can lead someone towards suicidal thoughts, or just experiencing a huge amount of everyday distress?
Daniel: So I’ll touch on this idea of problem-solving. It might not solve the problems.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: It might not make them go away. You know, I might be in an area where the roads authority or the council wants to knock down my house and build a highway.
Joe: Yep.
Daniel: Guess what? Spoiler—therapy is not going to fix that.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: Therapy is not going to save my house, is it?
Joe: Yep.
Daniel: So what can it do? What is the point?
Well, what it can do is help us kind of process some of that in a different way. And I was almost going to say “deeper way.” I was thinking about that—in a deeper, maybe in a deeper way—but I’ll actually stick with “different way.”
So, any situation in life involves perspectives.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: You and I are having this conversation right here, right now, but we’ve got completely different perspectives.
Joe: Mhmm.
Daniel: I’m being really literal about that, Joe.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: You’re sitting over there looking at me.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: And I’m sitting over here looking at you.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: It’s the same event going on, but we’ve got very different points of view—very different perspectives.
Joe: Because I know I’m right and you’re wrong.
Daniel: Well, apart from that—and I like to indulge that delusion of yours, you know, that helps me to feel superior.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: So we’ve got different perspectives, different points of view. And there are usually numerous points of view.
When we’re struggling with something, we might go to those blinkers again. We can get really stuck. And this is particularly true where fear and trauma are involved.
We process things in a very particular way, and our brains process and store memories in particular ways. And that can seem like the only way to experience or understand something.
Now, that’s a survival response, so it’s not wrong—it’s not unhealthy. But what it can mean is that, over time, any survival response is really important.
You know, if I’m walking across the road and a car’s coming down the road and I’m in the wrong spot, I’ve got to jump.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: I might jump and land and break my leg.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: Was it the wrong thing to jump? No. That’s the survival response—that instinct that I need to do.
But it might mean that I end up carrying with me—carrying in my body or carrying in my mind—things that are still impacting me.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: So the purpose of therapy and the aims of therapy are to be able to actually come into contact with that in a way that’s just a little bit safer.
We can talk about reprocessing that, or getting different perspectives on that, or understanding that, but also coming to terms with that.
Now, we know—I talked about my fictional house that’s going to get bulldozed for the highway.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: While that’s approaching, while that’s on the table, that’s really distressing.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: And I’m going to be really upset and try and stop it.
When it happens, I’m probably going to be mortified. But I probably will move somewhere else.
And again, I’m not minimizing this. I’m not dismissing the intensity of people’s feelings, but I’m just trying to illustrate the point here.
Eventually, I’ll get another house, and I’ll settle in there. And eventually, hopefully, I’ll look back and think, “Gee, I really liked that house, and I miss it. But you know what? This house is pretty good too.”
Or it might be, “That was the best house ever, and I don’t like this one. But at least I’ve got a roof over my head.”
Or it might be, “Actually, I thought that house was great, but this one’s even better.”
So the process of therapy is about trying to come into contact with things that are unhelpful, or blocked, or stuck, or traumatized, or paralyzed in fear, or in hatred, or in anger—and trying to approach those in a safe enough way to encounter them in a different way than what happened the first time around, or what keeps happening in my mind or in my experience.
And to approach those from a different perspective, get a slightly different understanding about them, and start to come to terms with them.
It’s always talked about—the loss of that house was real and really hurtful. That doesn’t no longer exist. But with time, I can come to get a little bit of separation from that. I’m not denying it happened, but I’m starting to adjust to that. And let’s just have a level of adjustment.
It’s like, you know, I’m much less in a hurry now. I mean, much less of a hurry now than I used to be. But I used to want to drive everywhere, you know, at a hundred kilometers an hour or a hundred and thirty kilometers an hour.
And guess what? I just had to adjust to the fact that, well, it’s not safe.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: Firstly, I stopped doing it because I didn’t want to get a fine. I could only think about myself—“I better not do it because I’ll get a fine.”
And over time, I kind of adjusted to the fact that, well, it’s actually also not safe.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: And later, it doesn’t really matter, you know? I can just leave ten minutes earlier.
But so again, I’m not making light of people’s past problems or their current difficulties, but just using these as little analogies to illustrate the processes.
So engaging in a therapeutic process helps us to get different perspectives on our problems. It helps us think about them, come into contact with them, and talk about them—often with another person—to help that process.
It doesn’t work for everyone all of the time. It’s not the best thing for everybody. And also, as I think you’ve mentioned, Joe, it’s not just a matter of finding a counselor or finding a psychologist. That might not be the right person, might not be the right fit, at the right time.
Joe: Exactly. Exactly, Daniel.
But I love that it kind of helps you to change perspective and find, I guess, a more helpful perspective on your own experience. It’s not, you know, denying or minimizing your own experience, but finding a more helpful perspective.
Daniel: Well, I guess I’ll jump in on that though too, Joe. It doesn’t necessarily even have to be more helpful—it could just be less unhelpful.
Joe: Yeah. Yeah. That’s a win as well. And that’s where we don’t—I don’t want to lose track of those as well.
Daniel: Yeah. Because if I set myself up thinking, “I’m going to go to therapy, and I’m going to feel better, and it’s going to help me,” I can come away discouraged.
If I can accept that, well, if I undertake this, I might be just a little less worse off—I’m going to count that. I’m going to count that as a win.
Joe: Yeah. Okay. Gotcha.
Daniel: But also, you and I have been talking about something really important too, Joe. We’ve spoken about, you know, when we talk about therapy, I always think of what we call “talking therapy.” Seeing a counselor or a psychologist—sitting down, talking.
They might be like an old-school psychoanalytic therapist—they might sit behind you when you’re on a bit of a couch. They might sit face-to-face. They might have a desk.
Joe: You like to do that sometimes?
Daniel: Well, there are all sorts of approaches.
But we’ve also talked about—you know, we’ve talked about walking and walking the dog and things like that—but we’ve also talked about that mind-body interplay.
And that when we’re working on trauma, our memories, our trauma events—we carry them in our mind, but we also carry them in our bodies.
And, you know, I wanted to be able to talk with you about something we’ve spoken about before.
Joe: Exactly. And I’m really glad that you brought this up. I mean, first of all, I just want to mention that we’ve got our guide on PowerToBeHappy.com called Healing Space Melbourne that talks about different therapeutic modalities—not that you have to do one or the other.
You know, different therapists can use a toolkit of these approaches. But it helps us to understand what some of the things are that might work for you.
Is it something that might be more suited to someone who’s more creative, for example? Or someone who wants a more embodied approach?
And one of those things that, of course, we’re going to dive into now is Left Right Hook. That’s also in the Healing Space.
Daniel: Yeah.
Joe: But it’s something that is near and dear to my heart for many reasons. That’s where my journey into healing from trauma began.
It’s also how we became friends and how we bonded over that experience.
We met through it, right? So let’s talk about it. These days, you’re so involved in Left Right Hook, and we’ve got so many great things coming up.
So first of all, Daniel, tell us about Left Right Hook, why it’s important, but also what are some of the things we’ve got coming up that someone can learn about—and maybe even explore if they want to join in and give it a try?
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: Well, first of all, Left Right Hook—what is it?
Literally, for me, I picture the words. It’s “left” and then it’s “right” as in writing, and “hook.” It’s a deliberate play on words—it’s a deliberate pun referencing boxing.
So, yeah, Left Right Hook was developed by someone by the name of Donna Lyons. She’s actually an associate professor in film and television, but also Donna’s been very open and public in her advocacy and talking about her own experiences as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.
Donna actually developed Left Right Hook out of her own experience and her own quest for recovery.
And so Left Right Hook combines a process of expressive writing and trauma-informed boxing.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: There’s a bit more to it than that, and I’ll get to it in a sec, but that’s it in essence—if we say, “What is Left Right Hook?”
And so, that’s been developed into a recovery program for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. And now, for groups that involve women and gender-diverse participants, they’ve kind of opened it up more broadly to people who have experienced other forms of gendered violence.
Now, we’ll get to the guys—to the men—in a moment because that’s a really exciting development I want to talk about.
But yeah, we’re asking that question: What is Left Right Hook?
It’s an eight-week, peer-designed, peer-developed, and peer-led program by survivors of childhood sexual abuse and other forms of gendered violence.
The sessions are about two hours, and they actually spend the first half engaging in some expressive or creative writing. That’s done to a timer. It’s writing to prompts.
It’s designed to trigger—or, if you like, unlock—a bit of unconscious expression. It helps participants get in touch with things that aren’t necessarily part of their conscious, thinking brain.
It’s about getting in touch with thoughts, feelings, and perhaps experiences that are more subconscious or unconscious. And being able to get those out on the page—it’s a way of processing.
It’s a way of bringing trauma or fearful things that are locked in our brains and bodies out into the daylight—onto the page.
And then people are invited to share that within the group because it’s very much a group process.
People don’t have to share their experiences, of course, but they’re invited to.
And then, after a couple of rounds of the writing, there’s a bit of a break.
They actually literally run the program in a gymnasium—often a boxing gym. There’s no one else there. The other gym people aren’t there. It’s a protected time.
Then they actually put on the boxing gloves and start punching the punching bag—maybe doing a bit of work, non-contact work, or work with the pads. And that unlocks a way of expressing trauma, perhaps, or expressing anger, but also connecting and reconnecting with the body.
You know, we’re talking about someone reconnecting with their ability, their art, and their creativity as a musician. Well, particularly if people have experienced trauma or early trauma that’s stored in their body, people can become disconnected from their body or their physical experience.
So the boxing embodies so many things. It’s an opportunity to actually connect and reconnect with the body, but also to ground.
You know, I’ve got a background in martial arts myself, so when I encountered the boxing, there were a lot of similarities there. And all of those modalities—all of those undertakings—involve connecting and grounding.
And this is important for being, literally, safe—safe enough and stable in the world.
So the boxing enables or invites people to connect with their body, experience being whole to a degree, and grounded. But also, yeah, expressing things physically, including anger.
So locating healthy anger and being able to express that and let it out in a safe, consensual, contained kind of environment. And so people can channel their feelings out through their punching, through the physical movement.
It doesn’t have to be boxing. Boxing is what made sense to Donna Lyons in her own recovery journey. I mean, it could be done with walking, or running, or yoga, or ballet. It could be any of those things.
But there is something quite powerful and transformative about connecting with the body and connecting with feelings through the movements, the grounding, and the movements of boxing. That can be quite transformative.
And I know I said to you just recently, but, Joe, when I first heard about Left Right Hook, I thought it was arts—that boxing and writing thing.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: And then I learned to reorder that. I realized, well, it’s actually writing and boxing. And again, that’s not me necessarily just being the word police. But the writing is about getting in contact with those internal, intangible thoughts and feelings.
Joe: Exactly.
Daniel: And what I just want to touch on—something we talked about earlier—is, you know, in Left Right Hook, as the name implies, there’s the writing, and that goes first.
There’s the boxing—that’s activating the body, bringing your mind into it.
But there’s also, of course, the community.
Joe: There’s the third element.
Daniel: The third element.
Joe: I thought it was boxing and writing. And then I learned—I discovered—that it’s writing and boxing. But again, I didn’t quite get it because—
Daniel: Yeah.
Joe: —until you explained it to me.
Daniel: Yeah.
Joe: That third element.
Daniel: Yeah.
Joe: Exactly. And that’s a sense of community, right?
Especially when you’ve been through traumatic events, or perhaps ongoing trauma in the past, or it might be occurring in the present—or being brought to you in the mind.
It’s so important to find that sense of community.
And that sense of community doesn’t necessarily have to be—you know, it doesn’t have to mean you’re constantly talking about trauma or constantly talking about these events.
Just—I know for me, being around, for example, yourself and other people I’ve met through my own journey—it’s just the fact that you are in the presence of someone who has experienced it and has that lived experience.
That’s something so incredibly powerful because you don’t even have to talk about it.
Daniel: Sometimes people say, “Someone else who gets it.”
Joe: Yeah. Someone who gets it. It’s just—it’s just implied. It’s just felt. It’s just this felt sense that exists.
Daniel: There’s this shared understanding.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: That doesn’t even necessarily require words.
Joe: Which is so incredibly transformative, even on its own.
Daniel: Right?
Joe: Even without the fact that you’re finding a different perspective and bringing your body into it.
But all of those things together become really, really powerful.
And I know there’s, you know, obviously with Left Right Hook, there are different streams, right? You talked about women and gender-diverse survivors.
But now—
Daniel: Well, that’s what—again, full disclosure—you and I, we’re almost frauds right now because we’re talking all about Left Right Hook, and we haven’t done the program yet.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: But yes, so the incredible thing that I’m excited about—that we’re both thrilled about—is that, for the very first time, we’re running a men’s program later, starting in mid-October.
It’ll actually be in Wyndham City. The venue’s in Hoppers Crossing. And it’s the first time the program is being made available to men—to male survivors.
And so you and I are going to be there in our journey of training as facilitators, but we’re also going to be very much taking part in the group.
And so that’s something that people might be interested in finding out about. The recruiting for that is closing very soon, but there are still some spaces available in that program.
We’ll also be doing some research related to that. We hope to show, similarly to the initial research with women and gender-diverse participants, some of the many benefits of that program.
Joe: Yeah. Cool.
Well, let’s solve something. I mean, I’m just like—it’s funny because I almost have to talk about it as if I don’t know about it. But, obviously, I do, and I’m there.
And so—and I’m also excited to be doing this with you.
So, Daniel, tell me—if someone wanted to find out about the men’s pilot in Wyndham, what would they do?
Daniel: Yep. So, get on the search engine. Just type in Left Right Hook. Even if you don’t spell it the right way, a quick little look around, you’ll find it.
They’ve got a really well-designed and really helpful web presence. You can find out about the various programs.
I’ll also take a little detour to the side as well. I mean, in developing the program—Donna Lyons’ background informed it—they actually made a documentary about the first groups of women and gender-diverse participants who went through the program.
And, you know, as you know—it’s not news for you, Joe—but, yeah, they made a feature-length documentary film that premiered at MIFF, the Melbourne International Film Festival, last year. It actually won the Audience Award.
Joe: Yeah.
Daniel: It’s also since won an International Documentary Film Award and is now available, of course, on Netflix.
So if people want to know about the program and get a really first-hand look and feel for it, I really recommend looking at that documentary.
There are screenings around the country from time to time—less so now—but there’s one coming up on the Sunshine Coast in the near future.
The website’s got all of those details. People can put their name down on the mailing list.
But also, if they click on the link for the programs, there’s an expression of interest—or EOI—form. People just put in very basic details: name, postcode, and whether they’re interested in a program for men, for women, or for gender-diverse participants.
And then the amazing staff at Left Right Hook—it’s now built on those first beginnings and, through the documentary, into a charity.
So it’s an organization that’s growing, and they’ve got some really wonderful people behind it—running things like the website.
So, yeah, if people have a little bit of a look on the search engine, find the Left Right Hook website, and then have a look for the programs, they can register an expression of interest.
Joe: Fantastic, Daniel.
Well, thank you so much for being here today, for sharing your insight and perspective on understanding suicide, finding ways to support yourself, finding ways to support others, but also bringing that into a bigger conversation.
How do you care for yourself? How do we care for our health? How do we seek meaningful support?
And that’s how we kind of ended up talking about Left Right Hook, which is, you know, another way to reconnect with yourself, with your own body, reconnect with other survivors, and find that kind of sense of community and belonging.
But overall, I just want to thank you for your presence and just the things that you do in the world.
Daniel: Thank you, Joe. And thanks for the great work and the advocacy you do—and your Trust+1 enterprises—and, yeah, for making this happen.
We wouldn’t be having this conversation if you hadn’t brought all this together and got the two of us in the one spot. So thank you very much. Thanks so much for everything you do and for this opportunity.
Welcome to The Hour of Healing! This week, we’re tackling one of life’s most challenging weights: judgment. Whether it’s the voices of others or the doubts within ourselves, judgment can feel heavy, discouraging, and even paralyzing. But here’s the truth: you’ve already survived so much, and you have the strength to rise above judgment too. In this episode, we’ll explore how to stop taking things personally, set stronger boundaries, and reconnect with your higher self. Through reflection, visualization, and practical tools, we’ll work together to liberate you from the grip of judgment and move toward a life of greater freedom, belonging, and fulfillment. Let’s chart this course together—your healing journey continues here.
Welcome to The Hour of Healing! This week, we’re diving into the heart of relationships—those connections that can lift us up or leave us feeling stuck. Together, we’ll explore how to navigate challenging dynamics with clarity, compassion, and courage. Through visualization, reflection, and practical tools, we’ll uncover the three essential conversations that can transform your relationships: one with yourself, one with a more understanding version of them, and one where you speak your truth. It’s time to let go of frustration, embrace hope, and chart a course toward deeper connection and healing. Let’s move forward, together.
Welcome to The Hour of Healing! This week, we’re setting sail to tackle one of life’s sneakiest challenges: distraction. Often seen as the enemy, distraction is actually a coping mechanism—a way we navigate life’s storms. But what if we could redirect that energy toward something greater? In this episode, we’ll explore how to break through the invisible barriers distraction creates, reconnect with your truth, and channel your focus into living a more fulfilling, present, and limitless life. Through reflection, journaling, and actionable steps, we’ll work together to turn distraction into a tool for healing and growth. The sun is rising—it’s time to move forward, together.
Welcome aboard The Hour of Healing! This is your safe harbor for navigating life’s storms and setting sail toward a limitless life. Each week, we’ll dive deep into healing, reconnecting with your dreams, and stepping into your higher self. In this episode, we’re tackling triggers—those moments that pull us away from the present. But what if triggers could be tools for growth? Together, we’ll explore how to harness them for deeper healing and greater joy. Grab a pen, reflect, and let’s chart a course toward calm, connection, and courage. The sun is rising—it’s time to move forward, together.
If I had five minutes with my younger self when my life was falling apart, the first thing I’d say is – you can heal, you will heal, and you can do it your own way!! And one of the things that I wish I’d done then is drama therapy – it’s a fantastic modality to engage your body, and your creative power in the service of healing and moving.
Drew Bird is an expert in Drama Therapy. Drew is also the Head of the Creative Arts Therapies Program at the University of Melbourne, with an incredible dedication, passion as well as contribution to the field of drama therapy. I think that you’re going to love this conversation!! Drew is speaking from his own professional opinion on drama therapy.
Full transcript:
Joe Bakhmoutski: All right. This is Joe Bakhmoutski. Welcome to Power to Be Happy Podcast. I’m incredibly excited today because we had an incredible conversation with Drew Bird. Drew is an expert in Drama Therapy, and Drew is also the head of Creative Arts Therapies program at the University of Melbourne. And Drew is just an exemplary human being. Drew, I’m stoked to have you, welcome to the show, Drew.
Drew Bird: Thanks, Joe. That’s quite an opening there to live up to. Quite a welcome. But yeah, I’m very grateful to talk about Drama Therapy and its benefits.
Joe Bakhmoutski: Yeah. Beautiful Drew, listen, from the moment we first spoke, Drew, I just saw that fire in you when we talk about Drama Therapy and just, you light up and you just, you’re so passionate about it. Drew, can you tell us, like, what is it about Drama Therapy that really makes it different from everything else? Like what is it about Drama Therapy that really makes it unique?
Drew Bird: Okay, well, that’s a good place to start. So, well, Drama Therapy is a unique form of psychotherapy. And most traditional forms of psychotherapy use the spoken word. So, you know, a lot of reliance on talking, talking therapies. And now Drama Therapy is like a lot of the creative arts therapies like dance therapy, music therapy, and art therapy. But they don’t rely so heavily on speaking alone. But we look at what we might call nonverbal communication. So, you know, nonverbal could be through movement, it could be through image making. It could be through story making.
So in a sense, the emphasis is not solely on talking. It’s about exploring and expressing yourself verbally. So in a sense, being able to move and express oneself, you know, through gestures, it can also be a really helpful way. Not just for someone who might not be, if you like, confident with words, but actually it’s a really good way of being able to access perhaps, experiences that we might have had, like traumatic experiences where we might not even have words for.
So, the nonverbal approach in creative arts therapies lends itself to people of all ages, all types. And it’s a very creative way of exploring and expressing oneself, you know, in a very nonconventional way. So, as I said, it could be through image making, it could be through music. Obviously I’m a drama therapist. We might employ all those ideas. We might employ music, we might employ image making. But mostly we’re employing story and we’re using the body to help us express ourselves in ways that maybe words have limited.
So in a sense that we might not have much repertoire. After all, 96% of our communication is non-verbal. So finding a way to express ourselves through our body helps us potentially to access a bigger part of ourselves that may not always be available when we use words alone.
Joe Bakhmoutski: Yeah. I love that Drew. And I love how, going through expressions through your body, through something that comes up from somewhere deep within us. I feel it’s also something that helps us to, especially when you may have been impacted by trauma. It helps us to find that sense of trust within ourselves. Something that, yeah, right. Like something that you can now go off into the world and be more confident about, you know, sharing just your true thoughts, your true feelings, being more confident in the way that you lived your life, no matter what sort of things have happened to you in the past. And I love that journey. You know, I also remember our first conversation with Drew and I remember holding up this book about Drama Therapy, and I said, how much I love this book. And he said, well, I got a chapter in that. Do you remember Drew?
Drew Bird: Yeah, I do. Yeah.
Joe Bakhmoutski: Yeah, you can’t make that up. And I just remember, because I remember this chapter. I had a bookmark in it, and I just remember it just stood out for me. Because that work was so personal. And this is one of those things that I love. I guess the whole mental health therapy space, if you will, is like, it’s very personal. It’s very meaningful. And it’s something that, like you want to carry through and you want to share with the world because it means something to you. Like what is your connection and how did you say you found yourself in this world of Drama Therapy, of creative expression with the focus on healing?
Drew Bird: That’s a good question. I mean, how did I find myself in this world? Well, I mean, I’ve always been interested in psychological health. I started my career as a social worker. So I was interested in how we enable people and how do we empower people, you know, to express themselves? And how do people find themselves, you know, when they might be traumatized or limited in some ways through illness or disability. So I’ve always had an interest in, you know, enabling and supporting and helping people find meaning in their life and overcoming oppression.
So that’s a really big feature in my mindset is that there’s a lot of oppressive forces out there that can really limit people. And how do we work with these sorts of political forces that potentially have an impact on how we are and how we live in the world. So that was where I started my journey. But I’d always had an interest in theater and, you know, from a personal experience, I’d found it very engaging, very liberating, being able to be someone else other than me. If you like, give access to parts of myself, my normal presentation of myself might not permit.
So, you know, if I was to play King Lear, you know, from Shakespeare, you know that that’s not a normal everyday role for me. That’s not part of my everyday reality. But within the dramatic reality of playing that role, of playing King Lear, I might be able to access parts of myself that are not normally available within my everyday reality. So we all have these latent parts of ourselves. These parts of ourselves that haven’t been evolved, these parts of ourselves, if you like, looking for the right conditions to become active, to become prominent in our role repertoire.
So I’ll come back to that in a minute. So there’s something about playing someone other than me that gives me access to, if you like, resources that aren’t normally available to me in my everyday role, in my everyday presentation. And it’s also very playful, you know, something about playing a king or imagining myself as a king, imagining myself with that kind of power. And earlier I talked about oppressive forces, you know, and the thing about oppression is that it can stop us having a voice. It can stop us expressing ourselves, you know?
So when I imagine myself as someone who’s more powerful, I feel like I’m trying on a persona. I’m trying to find a way of being where I can express myself, I can play with having power, I can play with being able to change things that maybe in my normal everyday presentation, I might not feel able to change. And that is also a form of oppression. So again, we might have a limited range of roles. So earlier I talked about repertoire, and a healthy person might have a role repertoire of about six or seven different roles, but particularly if we’ve experienced trauma in our lives, we might have a much more limited role capacity.
And the thing is about having a limited role capacity is it might be we are not very flexible. Yeah. The thing about having a range of roles is that we can adapt ourselves to different circumstances and different contexts, but when we’ve got a limited role repertoire, that ability to adapt and be flexible in different contexts, in different environments might be limited. Yeah. So, for example, you might find that someone acts and behaves the same in whatever context or environment that they’re in.
So in a sense, what Drama Therapy does when we play out different roles is, I feel like a very playful way of trying on roles that normally aren’t available to us. Trying out ways of expressing ourselves and widening our range of expression can also, as I said earlier, help to activate those latent parts of ourselves that haven’t been activated, we haven’t found the right conditions that, you know, so within the context of a story or a play, you know, we can try out these new roles that help us to get in touch with these parts of ourselves that we haven’t been able to access previously.
Joe Bakhmoutski: Yeah. I love Drew and I feel like, you know, it really resonates strongly with me personally, because I remember always being drawn to theater. You know, first as a kind of a clueless young man, and then kind of later on, much more recently when, you know, writing for theaters became, you know, a big part of my, I guess, you know, journey towards healing. And I kept coming back to this world, and now that I’m hearing you speak, I think it really is that ability to, you know, find a different role or expand that kind of role repertoire to give rise to parts of yourself that, yeah.
As you say, you may have been, you know, repressed or may have never even been given a chance to kind of show up, and speak and express yourself and kind of show up as part of your true self. So I guess, when we think about the types of revelations and breakthroughs that can come through, you know, Drama Therapy, what sort of changes have you seen people make, like positive changes in their life when they do go through the process of Drama Therapy?
Drew Bird: Well, I mean, it is a wide range. I mean, people might feel just more confident, you know, being able to express themselves, you know, not just verbally, but, but within their body. You know, they might notice that they’re more able to articulate themselves with gestures. You know, or they might even be more sensory aware of their experience. You know, they might be able to find more pleasure within the sensory world. Because what happens when the body is traumatized or frozen, is that the body’s capacity to, if you like, tune into the sensory world, might be impaired.
So, in a sense what can happen when somebody starts to develop a more sensory relationship with their experience is that it opens up all sorts of other possibilities for expressing themselves in more nuanced ways. Yeah. So, again, you know, it’s very varied and everyone’s going to respond quite differently, but certainly you might expect to see someone being able to build better relationships, you know, more secure relationships. They might be able to regulate their emotions better.
And the thing about trauma, which is predominantly what I’m focusing on today, is that when the body’s traumatized, it is often frozen. But the thing is, when someone’s experienced trauma, stress or a difficult situation might re-trigger the nervous system that can be very hard to regulate. So sometimes people have been traumatized, you know, they might struggle to regulate their emotions and that can have an impact on their relationships. So being able to regulate your emotions obviously has an impact on the skills that you can learn, the relationships that you can build.
And particularly with children who’ve been traumatized, you know, it’s really important that they can forge secure relationships, secure attachments and obviously that also helps to regulate their emotions as well. But also when they do, the capacity to regulate emotions also has a great impact on one’s capacity to learn, to respond, to be flexible, to be able to develop satisfying relationships that have meaning. Because obviously a healthy relationship is one where someone’s able to respond and reciprocate, but what can happen if someone’s got a limited repertoire that might come from being traumatized, their capacity to respond might be impaired to some extent.
Joe Bakhmoutski: So vital Drew, and I love how you brought all those different connections together about relationships and the role repertoire, and, you know, making personal meaning from our own experience and through our sensory kind of experience. And I guess it kind of takes that idea of what we touched on earlier about, you know, trust in yourself and your body and your own experience, but also now essentially building trust in other people, and having those relationships that whether they be, you know, friends or at work or romantic, like, those relationships really start to come out and go to a different level.
Drew Bird: Yeah. I’m really liking what you’re saying. I think building trusting relationships is so crucial to wellbeing, but to be able to build trusting relationships requires flexibility and capacity to be able to respond capacity to be able to have nuanced responses. And trust can be significantly impaired if one hasn’t got the capacity or, or a limited ability to regulate oneself. You know, it’s that regulating the self that helps to build, as I said earlier, satisfying relationships and satisfying relationships or relationships where we can trust. Yeah. Because it’s in that trust that that helps to build a fulfilling life.
And life is about fulfilling relationships, you know, that’s how we grow, that’s how we regulate ourselves, if you like, by having meaningful relationships and trust. It is so crucial. And of course, mistrust can be the reverse side of that. It can have a terribly detrimental effect on, you know, healthy life, given the importance relationships do have in our capacity to live a fulfilling, enjoyable and engaging life. You know, and this is, you know, it’s my own research area, if I’m being really honest, is that, you know, what impairs on forging a healthy relationship.
And a lot of my more recent research has been around clowning, believe it or not. And the clown’s capacity to be able to forge a relationship with the audience is one of trust. But it’s also the ability to be vulnerable, the ability to surrender. You know, so whilst I’m talking about clowning, these are all qualities that are needed within a healthy relationship. You know, that ability to surrender, to be able to respond. That ability to trust, that ability to be able to co-create meaning, that we, together, this is what we create.
So again, I’m obviously bringing a current interest to my thinking here, but I think my interest in clowning, and the relationship with the clown in the audience has, I think there’s a lot we can learn about the importance of being vulnerable. And the thing is, when you’ve been traumatized, it can be very hard to be vulnerable because the vulnerability potentially can reignite some of those conditioned responses that have come from a traumatic experience. And actually to live a healthy and enjoyable life, vulnerability is really important. It’s part of being human. And, but again, when you have experienced trauma, you know, people’s capacity to be vulnerable, can potentially be impaired.
Joe Bakhmoutski: Yeah. Yeah. I love Drew, and it’s such a beautiful way to describe what is essentially an indicator of success on someone’s personal journey towards healing. How do you know that you’re making progress? How do you know that you’re moving in the right direction? And that is the quality of relationships that you have. Do you have more fulfilling, more meaningful, more relationships where you have that trust built in? Because after all, that’s, yeah, as you said, that’s what makes us happy. That’s what makes us more fulfilling humans. Isn’t it?
Drew Bird: Yeah. Exactly. I mean, you just sort of summed up, you know, beautifully, you know, this importance of relationship, and how crucial it is to a satisfying life, a life with meaning and wellbeing, you know, is so crucial. If we have a life of meaning and wellbeing that, you know, relationships are core to that. And building healthy relationships, we need trust. We need to be able to have the capacity to be responsive, the capacity to be vulnerable and the capacity to co-create, you know, these are really important, you know conditions in order for us to build that healthy relationship that that can be missing.
And I think we’re all, you know, we’re talking about everybody. We all benefit by being more vulnerable. And the thing about drama therapy is that you can play or play with being vulnerable. You can play with these differently, try on these different ways of being. And there’s something about rehearsing those ways of being that then makes parts of those ways of being available to you. Because whilst it’s a fictionalized context, we might be playing King Lear, you know, and at the end of King Lear, he’s very vulnerable, isn’t he?
His daughters are abandoning him, you know, and there’s the weather’s coming down, the storms, you know, it’s sort of a metaphor for his life, really. And he’s very, he’s an old man and vulnerable. He’s lost all his status. He’s lost all his power. But in a sense, it’s our capacity to be vulnerable that makes us human. It’s our capacity to recognize that we’re all potentially powerless really to some extent. We’re all going to be dying. We’re all vulnerable to disease as well. And it’s not easy, is it, to try and be present with that, you know? And I think King Lear is a really good illustration of that kind of shift from all that power to, you know, that kind of really feeling completely abandoned in a way.
Joe Bakhmoutski: Yeah. Exactly. And I also kind of sense that, you know, what is really important with, you know, personal progress towards healing and living a kind of a greater and more and happier and fulfilled life, is that we also kind of, we have a greater understanding and appreciation for those shared experiences that we have as humans, right. Shared as an, you know, sharing of our own struggles, of difficulties, of strife that we face sometimes in everyday lives. What you refer to as, you know, oppression as well.
But also I think the things that we have in common in terms of standing our ground and trying to find love and trying to seek connection and those things that we have in common as well as humans. And I think it’s understanding those experiences and layering them on. And sometimes, as you say, doing it in such a creative, expressive way that can help us to reconnect with those parts of ourselves that we share as part of our humanity. Drew, when you kind of think of Drama Therapy and you know, what does that actually look like and feel like when you might be in, say, your first Drama Therapy session? Like, how does it actually work?
Drew Bird: Yeah. Well, I guess it depends on if it’s individual or group work. But I think I’ll talk about group work. Because you know, that for me is where drama therapy really creates the really great conditions for building relationships. So a session, we might start with an opening ritual, which is sort of just a way of marking a different kind of reality, if you like, moving into a dramatic reality, which is different to an everyday reality. But we might do some theater games, which again, help us into our bodies.
It helps us to develop that playful spirit, helps us to come into relationship with one another in a very playful way. You know, it could be just a game that involves just passing a ball, even, you know, it could be a game where we pass a zip, zip, zip and then someone might go, bong, and that changes the direction of the zip. So playing theater games is really important. Sometimes they’re called warm up games. But I really try to resist using that kind of language. I think that relegates actually how important games can be in helping us to come into relationship in a very, kind of contained way.
The thing about a game is it’s repeated. Yeah. You know, we learn the pattern of the game, and that can actually help to really build confidence. Oh, you know, I know how this is going. It’s quite predictable. Some predictability can be quite important, particularly when you might be working with people who’ve had traumatic experiences, you know, where you feel like they’ve had experiences of the unpredictable. So building predictability can also help to build confidence. And from that place, people can start to develop their capacity to play.
So, then we might develop a story. In Drama Therapy, we might play with folktales, we might play with fairytales, we might play with myth. Yeah. And the thing about a story is it’s rich with symbolism. So sometimes, you know, you don’t say, I was playing a snail, you know, and I like playing with animals because animals, we don’t play animals, do we? You know, there’s something about an animal that is so far away from being my everyday self, and this is the crux of drama therapy, is it’s creating this distance that couldn’t be further away from my everyday role.
So, something about being a snail that is so different to the way I operate within my everyday reality. But playing a snail, it sort of gives me permission, if you like, to express myself in ways that I wouldn’t normally have, potentially have opportunity. You know, for example, moving slowly, I tend to rush around in my everyday life. I don’t normally have to carry my home on my back. And that’s an interesting metaphor, isn’t it? You know I’ve got this shell and you know, when I’m threatened, I can squeeze back into my shell.
Now, playing with that metaphor and that symbolism, it might be I’m exploring some potentially deep rooted and unconscious parts of myself that I’ve not explored before. So the thing is, when we are playing with symbolism, we don’t always know what we’re playing with, but it can give access to a lot of ourselves that maybe consciousness might limit. Yeah. So playing a snail, playing, you know, I’ve got this big shell on my back at any moment I can retreat into it. You know, that’s very different from my everyday persona.
Or is it, you know? It might not be so different, but there’s something about the safety of playing with a snail. I can sort of play with, oh, you know, this snail, it’s not me. It’s nothing like me, couldn’t be more different to the Drew that I know. And that in itself, it sort of opens up possibilities. There’s things I might be able to do as a snail. There’s things I might be able to express as a snail that in my everyday presentation, I might edit, you know, if you like repress or I might restrict. But playing with the snail and its playful nature, you know, I might be able to go places that my everyday personality or habits might not permit.
Joe Bakhmoutski: Yeah. I love that. I already feel like I want to play with a snail. Yes. No, you’re so right. Because It allows us to kind of unlock that part of ourselves that might be so different that it kind of shifts that whatever, like, I think what you refer to as kind of role repertoire. It might shift so way out then, you know, making a different step or behaving in a different way in life, even just a little bit, it doesn’t feel so weird. Right. Like, it kind of, that’s where we lead to, isn’t it? In a way.
Drew Bird: Yeah. I mean, I was just thinking, you know, these tendencies that we all have to limit ourselves, I often catch myself in everyday reality saying, oh, that’s not me. You know, no, I wouldn’t do that. No, that’s not me. I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to watch that. That’s not me. You know, you know, we have all these rules about what we permit ourselves to do, these entrenched conditioned habits you know, that we might not even be aware of that limit us. But when I’m playing the snail, I’m not governed by those same rules, yet I’m operating in a dramatic reality where anything is possible.
I haven’t got the limitations that I’ve normally built into my life and my existence. And there’s something about the snail and the world of the snail that, if you like, gives permission to myself to do things I wouldn’t normally do. For example, you know, if I’m frightened, crawling up inside the shell. Just having a sense of the security of that shell. I suspect in my everyday reality, I probably wouldn’t want to be that vulnerable. I might resist acknowledging that I really would like to crawl up and hide from the world. But as a snail, that feels quite permissible because that’s the world of the snail, you know?
Joe Bakhmoutski: Yeah. Absolutely. And it just makes me reflect on the personal experience. You know, several years ago when I was going through treatment for cancer I remember I had a lot of side effects from chemotherapy treatment, and I couldn’t play or spend as much time with my then 3-year-old son. And I just remember like when he came over one day and just wanted to play with me, and I just felt so like, exhausted from like, just this chemo fatigue, and I couldn’t play with him. And the look of disappointment on his face, it just really brought tears to my eyes.
And I remember like, there was a moment when I said to myself that I want to bring that, you know, the sense of fun into a relationship with my son for however long I have that, you know, if I am alive. And thankfully I am, as you can see, I’m here. But it’s really changed up. I took on that element of fun and just really like made that the dominant way of interacting with him. I’m always playful, I’m always ridiculous. As you can see, right. I’ve always been silly. I’m always kind of and it’s changed my relationship with him, but it also changed my relationship with life.
And I feel like that sense of playfulness and especially given some of the more difficult experiences that I might have had in my own life, it gave me an extra dimension of that sense of aliveness. The sense of just feeling exploratory, and that sense of possibility that is possible about life. And it kind of also takes away that layer of, oh, like, I have to be a professional actor, or this is something that is only reserved for people who are like professionals. Right. So I just want to take a moment to also bring up the fact that Drama Therapy, like anyone can do this, right? It doesn’t mean that you have to have some kind of artistic personality or this type of bent. Right?
Drew Bird: Yeah. So that’s a very good point. I mean, I’m very struck by you talking about fun, and I was thinking about fun as being a very all encompassing response to life. You know, when we’re in a fun mode or the play mode, you know, we’re very open and receptive. You know, we’re not closed. And just thinking about Drama Therapy. Yeah. You know, when I first started telling people I was a drama therapist, people assumed it was for actors. Of course. It couldn’t be more different. Really. It is for anyone.
You don’t need to have had any acting or theatrical experience. I guess what you probably need is just maybe just a bit of curiosity, you know, and a receptivity to try it. And the thing about Drama Therapy is yes, the fun can help us into our playfulness. And the thing about play, play is a wonderful resource. You know, one of the characteristics of play is flexibility and malleability, which just kind of comes back to what I was talking about earlier before, that ability to respond in a creative way. Yeah.
And the thing about play is that it helps us to master ourselves. Play is full of discovery. So, again, developing a playful self, you know, some of us, sadly, when we became adults, our playful selves might have got left behind. You know, and the thing about play is it’s a wonderful resource. So as a drama therapist, you know, we talk about drama and story, but actually it’s the play. It’s the playing really and that capacity to step into a playfulness that we might have lost, that we just need to recreate the right conditions for us to engage with.
It’s not that far away. I don’t believe that play is ever buried so deep we can’t reclaim it. But I like this idea that Drama Therapy is about reclaiming the play, reclaiming the playful self, reclaiming that kind of flexible malleable self, that sense of newness that comes from play. That’s what play is. It’s a constant discovery of something new. It’s something really amazing. I love it when I discover a new walk. And that’s very different to reading about a walk in a book, about walks. There’s something about discovering it through my own means, it’s so satisfying, rather than being told what to do.
Yeah. So, you know, obviously I’ve talked about games, you know, in Drama Therapy in different roles, but at the heart of all this, it’s just that play, you know, that willingness to try something on, to experiment, you know, oh, I’m going to experiment being a queen. I’m going to experiment being a snail. I’m going to experiment being a king. You know, what might I discover from playing all those different roles? You know? So yeah, it’s sort of that playful endeavor. And as I said earlier, play is about learning to master the self.
Joe Bakhmoutski: Reclaiming the playful self. Drew, I love that. If somebody wanted to try Drama Therapy, what would they do?
Drew Bird: Well, there are drama therapists out there. You know, in Melbourne there’s plenty of drama therapists and creative arts therapists. So sometimes we talk about the arts therapies and arts therapies involving drama therapists and dance therapists. So yeah, there are plenty out there in Melbourne. Obviously they all have different levels of interest in working with different people. But that would be the first port of call. There’s also ANZACATA, which is the Australian and New Zealand and Asia Creative Arts Therapies Association.
So we’ve got several hundred members there. So that’s always an access point for finding art therapists. There’s also PACFA, which is another acronym, psychotherapy counseling, something and something, something But yeah, there’s lots of acronyms. And of course we’ve got the Australian Dance Therapy Association as well. So, you know, these are all opportunities to discover the playful self, discover all those parts of you that you’ve not found words for that are still here, still waiting to be explored, still waiting to be expressed, still waiting to find an outlet to, if you like, breathe. To breathe into that kind of part of you that you’ve not breathed into.
I’m just going to say something about breathing. Because it’s really important, in Drama Therapy, breathing is really important. Not that it’s not important in the other arts therapies, but there’s something about when you play a game and you breathe, you have a much richer and much deeper experience of yourself, and the breath really helps you to connect with your emotions. So there’s something about just having your mouth just slightly open when you’re playing a game that can really help you into that experience, to deepen that experience, to potentially get in touch with those emotions, those parts of ourselves that are just waiting to be touched.
Joe Bakhmoutski: Wow. And I love how you talked about breath and kind of, you know, using breath as almost like a tool. And this is what I want to close on, Drew. I think we all are trying to have a better understanding of the way, you know, sleep and exercise and nutrition can, can help and better our mental health, but what part of self-care and perhaps self nourishment, if I might call it that, which part is not getting enough attention, do you think?
Drew Bird: Well, I think I have touched on it, I think this part that perhaps doesn’t get enough attention is probably our bodies, you know and our capacity to be playful in our bodies. I think most people recognize that exercise is good for us, but actually, you know, if I’m thinking about dancing and shaking and rolling. And strutting and you know, just bringing those parts of my body into play that I may have struggled to find a place for. You know, there’s all this part of me that’s longing to be expressed, these parts of me that I just need to bring into a playful relationship.
So I think the body is really key here. You know, it sort of comes back full circle. We started talking about, you know, the traditional talking therapies and how drama therapy wasn’t traditionally a talking therapy, but it’s very much moving and non-verbally working with the body. And the thing is the body doesn’t give up. Some of its, you know, the trauma’s still stored in the body and, you know, through the body we can access it, and bring it into, change our relationship with it, if you like.
So I think for me, that would be the key message to a healthy life. You know, in a sense, I’m potentially advocating, you know, a more creative relationship, a more playful relationship with our body, you know, getting it to move in ways maybe that you didn’t know it could move. You’re finding ways to express things that you might not even know what you’re expressing. But there’s real joy, I think in finding a body that can express itself. So that’s key. I think the other thing I feel is key is creativity, which is really what I’m talking about and is finding a creative and playful act that you can do consistently.
You know, I love writing. I love writing stories. I love to dance, I love to dance. You know, these are the two key things in my life. And there’s something about giving myself over to creativity every day that gives the consent to newness, consent to newness. And the thing is I went to an event recently and I was very struck by the keynote speech. And what they were saying is that if we looked at the world, if we looked outside of ourselves, if we looked at the news, the headlines. Yeah, there’s no, it’s not good news, is it? You know, it’s very sad news.
And it can be really hard sometimes to know where hope is. It can be really hard to see where there is hope in the world. And what I’ve discovered is that when I play through my creativity, I find hope. And it’s important that we don’t lose hope. It’s important that we can find a creative act that helps us to get into touch with hope. Because in a sense, it’s the hope that we need to take responsibility for in our own lives, in order to find hope in the world, because there is no hope in the news. So we, you know, to some extent, I feel we all have a responsibility to find a creative act or creative practice where we can nurture hope and bring light to the world.
Joe Bakhmoutski: Thank you Drew, for bringing us to that hopeful place and for giving this beautiful overview of Drama Therapy, what it means, and expanding our repertoire and reclaiming our playful self. And also sharing what it looks like, what that experience might feel like, and also where to find through perhaps those associations. I’ll put those links in the show notes, but I just want to personally say thank you, Drew, from the bottom of my heart for the work that you do, but also just like the passion and the drive that you bring into this world to help more people reconnect with those parts of themselves that may have been lost or perhaps not even had access to. So thank you for what you do in the world, Drew.
Drew Bird: Well, thank you. And, you know, and thanks for this opportunity to share something that’s changed lives, and it’s changed my life too.
Isn’t it weird how life’s full of moments that either bring up the feelings of joy, love, excitement, or sometimes they make you feel dismal, alone, or upset. The trouble today is so often we talk about triggers, those moments that pull you away from the moment and noticing beauty of life.
We try our hardest to keep away from the hard stuff, but that, in a way, is distraction.
It’s running away from the hard things which we know we can’t – we’re going to have to face them, in fact, I believe it’s a sign:
When something keeps bringing up difficult thoughts, and difficult memories, we’ve got to get help, so we can move past it, and heal!
Just yesterday, I told my son that I am on my way to see the psychologist, and he said, have fun, as if this was going to be painful.
But truth is, I always enjoy it because I have found the right person and the right approach to help me through unresolved stuff, untangle so I can move past it.
It’s all in my free guide called Healing Space Melbourne – the key modalities of healing from trauma, how they work, and what makes them different so you can decide what’s the right thing for you!
But back to the moments – what’s different to triggers are moments that pulling you into the moment , that make you feel good, that remind you of strength, and of beauty, and colour, and joy.
It’s what we call glimmers, and when we bring more of these moments into our life, we experience a deeper connection to self, to life we are leading, to people around us, to self.
So podcast today it is all about glimmers and how they can spark us through life::
The easiest thing I’ve done is quit smoking, and here’s why – I found out my own personal reason. You want to know how?
This works when you want to make a change in your life, and changing is hard.
Like smoking – I knew it was bad, and I knew it for years, but somehow, I always made up the tales that helped me keep going.
I told myself comfortable lies – it helps me relax (the opposite of course is true), we all need a vice (we don’t), it’s forcing me taking a break (I wasn’t working that hard in the first place).
Of course I tried quitting, but I knew there’s always an out – unspoken, and so I have always snuck in through the back door.
And there was one moment – I went for a walk during lunch break, and ran out of smokes.
It was a cold day, and I had my hands in my pockets, just trying to get warm.
I was itching to go buy a packet, this craving was driving me on…
And that’s when I felt it within me – I don’t want to have an addiction.
What if I end up on a deserted island, alone with a craving, and not craving food, drinking water, but this drug?!
No! Enough. I will do it NO MORE.
And that was my reason – I never touched another cigarette, not after twelve years of packet a day…
I have never looked back because the reason has always been true – I just found it.
It wasn’t the willpower, but the right intention with true reason behind that brought this to life, and that I believe is the secret:
Not making up reasons, or forcing yourself – it never works long term, but spending the time to uncover true reason to stop. Start. Keep going. Do what you need to do to feel progress!
And proud of yourself.
My friend, is there something that you need to do so you can move forward, and make change for you, on your terms?
This might be the right time to journal, reflect on what really drives you, what you truly care for, your reason for making things right!
I believe in you, I believe you can change, I believe you can do this on your terms, right now!!
It’s taking the time to uncover your reason, connect with it, and keep in your heart:
You’ve got this! For more on making the change, tune in to the podcast:
I honestly cannot remember the last time that someone I spoke has shared their goals for the future…
The closest we usually come with – I should get a new job, I’ll try and finish that PhD, or I need a break.
It doesn’t come off as compelling, committed, and ready to go, and not because these goals are not worthy, or we are not worthy of goals, no:
It’s that we don’t give ourselves TIME to immerse ourselves in our dreams, hopes, and desires!
Those things truly matter – the everyday moments we live for with people we love, care and cherish, the big aspirations to learn, and to grow, and to give, the very seeds of joy and excitement that making us all come alive, await to be planted in the garden of life.
If only we give them some time – to daydream, to plan for, imagine, to share in with others…
I know that when you share your true dreams, your real goals, your inner desires, you do come to life, you do get excited, you know life’s got meaning, and you’re moving forward!!
This is the biggest change I can promise – when you plant your goals, you won’t feel you’re stuck:
Because you are moving, you’re trying, you’re sharing, and figuring out!!
And when you see your goals sprout, be they little moments of beauty, or epic and life changing shifts, you know life’s got meaning, you know you’ve the energy to live more, feel more, and be more, not only for you, but the people you love!
And that’s why this week’s all about goals – this week on the podcast I talk about how to set meaningful goals and to bring them to life!!
Simple ideas that can help you make real change, today:
Do you ever your hand up for something, get super excited, and when it doesn’t go perfect, you kind of crash down and burn?
I am a bit of an expert – this year, I signed to be the team manager for our son’s soccer team.
It’s kids we know, they’re having so much fun, I mean, what could possibly go wrong?
But then the coach was away, and so I found myself struggling in doing too many things – with training, planning, and game days, but what upset the most is people took it for granted.
Just because you’re the volunteer doesn’t mean that people don’t need to say thank you, or offer help, or help out.
And it upset me so much I felt like wanting to quit – because every little thing that annoyed me, every tiny remark, every side glance, became the big thing!
And it blew up in my face – I got so angry, frustrated that I didn’t get to enjoy the time with my son…
Which is my whole reason for being there in the first place!!
It got me thinking – just how on earth do you stop that?
What can you do about this emotional contagion from spilling over into the rest of your life?
How do you redirect your mental energy towards something positive, helpful, supportive?
I put my best lessons learned in hope that it serves you, supports you in doing the opposite of what I have been doing!
Join me this week on the podcast with simple but practical tips on how to stop emotions from derailing your life:
Maybe you tried therapy and the person you came across wasn’t helpful, or maybe you thought about it, but it didn’t feel right because you didn’t know what to expect or thought it would be too painful…
These are struggles we face – and today, I am not here to convince you, but to share with you the very personal experience of someone who struggled with childhood trauma and cancer
My name is Joe Bakhmoutski, I am a survivor of child sexual abuse and the author of “Finding Hope in Times of Uncertainty: A Guide to Thriving in the Challenging World of Today”, and today I am talking about the very personal journey of doing therapy, whether it’s right for you, and the big four big things I learned from the last two years of doing therapy and having my life transformed.
I hope it serves you, my friend, and gives you a personal insight into what works, what doesn’t, and what you might expect and consider:
I was doing my groceries and struck up a chat at the counter, and this person related their vision for when they’re retired:
They’ll there’ll be quiet and harmony then…
And you’ve heard this before, it is waiting for a time when things sort themselves out, maybe then I can be happy…
It is hard to rely on a future we cannot predict, but still – even if it were true though, what about right now, in this moment, today?
I believe that the happiness m calls on us, even most in the harshest conditions we live in – it’s reason enough.
I have struggled a lot in my twenties:
My then partner has left for somebody else, and the wrongness has thrown me completely.
I was drinking each day. I was shut off, upset. My anxiety spiraled. And one night, I was behind the wheel, and felt anger that’s surging right through me:
This is never going to happen, to me, again. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be loved, and be giving love back, in return.
You see, nothing has changed! And my life was no different, but the one thing I found was resolve.
My resolve to be happy.
This is what you deserve, and be feeling, today!
Find your internal reason that speaks to you now, that the suffering brought, and the life that you’re wanting!
Because I wanted love, I had no clue on how I could get there…
How could I be worthy of great love – when I just got gotten unceremoniously dumped by the wayside?
When I could not have sex, and lay frozen, with nothing to feel?
There are moments you don’t have an answer, but you find your resolve.
This resolve – to be happy – is there in your stars, only you must decide that you claim it, and keep start moving towards it!
And the answers will come.
You’ll grow into it. You will figure it out. Bit by bit.
You might stumble, but you’ll pick yourself up, and you’re going to keep going!
Because you’re on the path, and right now is time that you start feeling happy TODAY.
My path took many twists and turns, but those years I spent on making sense of the world and on healing helped me find my true love!!
And I am feeling grateful each day – grateful for making the resolve for the life that I want.
What’s the one thing that you crave in this moment?
What would make your life brighter, more joyous, more calm?
It is worth the commitment, to bring it to life – even if you do not have answers…
Because answers you’ll find – you have done so before, and you’ll do it again.
My friend, know that you truly deserve to be happy today – with resolve that you’re moving towards it!
You are here, you’re striving, and you never give up.
I believe in you! You can do this.
We’re striving for future, today!
For more on finding your happiness now, please tune in to the podcast:
When you listen to your friends’ success, or a moment of glory, do you find yourself jealous, if only a bit?
I had recently talking to friend with a podcast – he was telling me about this great spike of growth, and I couldn’t help myself feeling not only jealous:
Feeling out of my depth. I don’t even belong here! Why I’m getting things wrong…
All these questions, and doubts, they start circling, until you start giving them space – to be here, to be present, make us question, check in with ourselves…
And this moment of letting you notice discomfort, and to let yourself notice these feelings come up is the moment when you begin taking control.
You are now in a place where the worries of not being enough are okay – it is okay to feel them.
It’s fine. They are here. And these feelings are normal. I can handle it. Yes, I’m okay.
This requires a lot of ourselves because here you admit that you are not perfect.
You are human! With doubts, and concerns, and yet also with dreams, and with hopes, and with struggles, and the moments you try, and you fail, and figure things out…
It’s accepting what you know all along – you don’t need to be perfect.
You can just be yourself.
It is more than enough!
It’s in moments like these that we start seeing ourselves in a kind way, without pressure, when you can be real.
That is brave, my friend, to let yourself FEEL the feelings, whatever comes up!
You’re in charge of your feelings, and not they – of you.
You have gone further, much further in life than you give yourself credit for!
We all have our own path, our own story – you have yours, and I do have mine.
We cannot compare ourselves in a fair way, but we can be kind.
Kind in a way that makes you feel about yourself, and about others.
Kind in a way that takes in our whole self, not just the bits that we like.
Kind in a way that doesn’t make yourself victim, or scapegoat, or someone at fault.
That’s what I take on this week on the podcast – how you can compare yourself in a kind way:
It’s weird so please help me describe it – but I’m going to give it a try:
It’s this nagging sense that something is missing, undone, that hangs in the background.
You may go through your day, and you’re getting through things, and you might be feeling okay on the whole…
And yet, there’s a longing, this emptiness somewhere within that is yearning for closure, this vague sense we always resist.
Because if you answer, and look at it closely, it hides an old pain, and it might get worse, or even take over…
I felt it come back when I was doing a podcast about cancer.
We wrapped up a great conversation on the importance of sharing your story – I shared some practical, hard earned advice, there was a great energy and connection, the hosts thanked me profusely, and yet…
I left with a sense something’s missing. But why?
I gave it my best, and shared my authentic, personal truth, I served…
What did I leave out?
And then it got me. I saw it, right there on the outskirts of my mind, a vague and ominous shadow.
A glimpse of the past.
Reminder: you’re broken.
The fear of losing control.
That the event is going to take over, wipe everything out, and be the center of the universe.
The meaning of my existence is keep it at bay.
I hoped if I kept it a secret, that it would stay out of the way…
And one day, I’d have to be facing the truth…
But not today.
And so I kept living – in fear that’s hiding…
It’s funny how secrets will crawl their way out to the surface, especially secrets we keep from ourselves.
The war in Ukraine, and stories of rape, pillaging, murder, has opened a deep rift within me.
A rift that I had to find way to close.
I didn’t know how – I went seeking, to get these fears out of me, and in the process, I found a person who’s been through it.
The person who saw me, and seeing my story reflected, I saw the way forward.
In taking the next step is hard because it is into unknown…
But unknown is better than horrors we live with, the nightmares that we endure.
It maybe a small step, a nudge, or a leap, but I know it’s worth it.
Because it will bring you away from the pain and the suffering and toward the freedom of being , it’s weight off your shoulders.
I promise you! Worth it
Let go of the hurt.
Of bitterness. Shame. The illusion: no, you are not broken!
And you never were… You’re free to feel happy, today.
The memory lives on inside me.
The horror?
The horror is gone.
Where are you , my friend, on your journey, and what’s next on your path to heal?
Let’s figure it out – together!
This week on the podcast The Next Step To Heal:
What makes you unique is the people you trust.
Because when you feel safe, understood, and accepted, that is when you’ve the freedom to dream, and explore, try things out.
You are being truly seen, just the way you’re supposed to.
But so often we have our uniqueness lie buried in doubt, and forgotten – but it’s never been gone!
It is waiting to be rediscovered.
And you found your uniqueness with others – with the people you trust, you believe in, and it’s not always easy to find them.
You might not have enough of them right at your side…
Because trusting is hard:
Hard when you been wronged, hard when you been misunderstood, but that doesn’t tell truth about life.
There are more good people in the world than we will ever know – with their uniqueness.
They, too, are craving to be heard, understood, loved, and cared for.
All of us, we deserve it!
Deserve to keep seeking, and find – you deserve it!
You deserve to have people you trust.
You deserve to have people who like you, respect you, believe:
In your truth, in your story, in the person you want to become.
It’s a calling – your personal tribe, it’s a calling!
They don’t come to you blindly – and we must seek them out, at the moment precisely when you’re feeling the vulnerable most.
It is something that I take away from my going through cancer:
The worst part of it wasn’t the pain, or nausea, even fear of dying…
It was feeling alone.
My close friends disappeared, and it made me so angry, and so miserable – why?
I kept asking, but one thing I came to was this:
I don’t ever want go through this again – I deserve to have people who care.
About me, who I am, how I’m doing.
And not when they feel like it, not when it’s convenient, but because it is right.
It’s when I made a promise:
I am going to make new friends, and they’re going to be people who care, and who will be around me when going gets tough.
It’s not easy to meet, open up, but the moment you give it a try gives you power!
Because you get to find those very people who get you – no need to placate, or to hide, or to minimise yourself, your truth, and your values.
You can be your true self, and to trust in the people who care.
Your personal tribe.
How do you go about it? What’s the way to approach it?
I go through it all with you in the podcast that we have today.
It’s called How To Build Your Personal Tribe:
The most memorable part of the journey is right where you begin – it is new, it is fresh, and you soak it all in, like a sponge.
That’s the way it has been with my journey to heal – when I came across Left Write Hook, a unique recovery program for survivors of child sexual abuse that brings together creative writing and boxing.
It’s the rush of emotion that is hitting me right in the face: there are people like me. There are people who face it, there are people who HEAL.
Meeting Donna, the founder of Left Write Hook, has changed the course of my life and has set me on new path toward healing, recovery, and freedom!
And when the opportunity came up to become a facilitator of the program,
Two years ago, I could not imagine speaking about what I have been though, and today, I am going to help others move forward themselves!!
Just how cool is that?! Funny how things come full circle…
So being part of the program, one of the things that I love is creating a personal portfolio of our experience of learning to be a trauma informed boxing coach.
What do I love? Podcasts! And so I got super excited about creating the interview DURING the learning process of doing Left Write Hook training.
As we all have the lived experience of going through it, the experience is personal, raw, immediate, NOW.
So I bring you the conversation with Daniel, and our shared experience of learning, surviving, and forging ahead:
We want to be seen, heard, acknowledged – for who we truly are – deep, on the inside…
But feeling that you’re being seen does not come about on its own – we have to SHIFT the way we communicate.
And why that is – so people know exactly what you stand for, so people know what you want, so people know:
You really care about THEM.
How do you do that – with kindness, compassion, and not feeling hurt?
For me, I boiled it down to doing five simple things that helps me really CONNECT – instead of wishing things change and get upset in the process…
It’s all in this week’s podcast – hope you can join me:
Hello, my friend!
I hope that you’re having a phenomenal week, that you woke up refreshed, and you did a few things that had lifted you higher!
It’s important we celebrate moments of good times and fun and fulfillment because life isn’t always like that.
There are times when you’re feeling frustrated, things that don’t go your way, and you’re trying your best, and they don’t always see it…
The most frustrating thing is you reach for the things you can’t influence, change – it feels wrong, and it feels so frustrating – things that people do, say, forget, ignore, or give up on…
I really believe that frustration you feel has to do with the things that you cannot control:
How people see you, what they want, and you worry about events that you cannot predict, cannot choose, cannot change.
So in moving away from frustration, what we need is to come back to self:
What makes you feel creative, excited, alive?
Who brings you joy, a sense of connection, who is someone you trust, and connect with them deeply?
Back to self, and away from frustration!
And I’m here to support you, and help you connecting with JOY:
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In this podcast, I’m sharing three simple ideas on how you can combat frustration with joy – joy in things that you love, things that matter.
I invite you to join me today:
Hello, my friend!
I hope you’re having a phenomenal week! I hope there were moments of deep and authentic connection – in sharing your true thoughts and feelings, and being there for others, to listen, and hold space, embrace.
And if you do not have the opportunity to spend time with the people you love, I am giving you a great big open hug! Hope you feel it, my friend, and I’m here.
Know this, please – it’s a testament to your drive and energy that you put into staying in touch!
And it only gets harder and harder:
We’re all busy in running our lives, and we’re dealing with our own struggles, and those struggles are often unseen – they can be hard to put into words, even to yourself, let alone share it with others.
There’s one thing I’m grappling with now, and that is the weight of my own expectations.
When I make a video, and pour my heart into it, and then nobody watches, or comments, replies, to be honest, it kind of upsets me.
Yes, I know that it shouldn’t, so I say to myself:
I am trying, I’m doing my best and I’m sharing my truth and being hopeful, I am trying, I’m here!
What is something that leaves you frustrated?
You might not have someone at your side who’s supporting you, urging you on, and it is up to you to speak up with compassion to you, to your self, and to champion you, and your efforts!
It is what you deserve – what you put into practice, for your self, each day!
When you speak to yourself, please then speak to yourself as a friend, as a good friend who is there to offer a kind word, be supportive, encourage, and champion you, and your efforts!
Could you try it, and see it if it’s helpful?
It’s what I’m doing daily, and I would love to hear how it goes!
And if there’s something that you’ve been avoiding in your life, and you’re feeling a tiny bit guilty because you need to do this, I am here to help you – let’s try put aside.
Come and join me this week on the podcast, how to move past avoidance – five things that you can do right away:
You know that moment when your favorite cup somehow slips through your fingers, and – BANG!
It is on the floor, broken, in a dozen of pieces.
It is always so sudden, a shock – and yet, we move on from it, don’t we?
You might tell yourself off, get upset, but then, you keep going.
But sometimes our very own thought might trigger a much more violent reaction inside of ourselves.
Here’s what I mean:
I am working away on my play – it’s the process I love, it’s the time that I treasure, but this moment, this week, it has somehow gone wrong:
There was something the character said that just didn’t sit right with me, and instead of me trying to fix it, or figure it out, I have let the door open to doubt:
The whole interaction, it just doesn’t work, does it?
Should I cut out the scene? Maybe, more?
I’ve been trying too hard, chopping, changing, and the wheels have off…
As I flick through the script, the whole thing is phony, and all work, all the effort, it’s all down the drain…
And just who the hell are you, fancying yourself a playwright?!
There’s a helplessness, dragging me down, like a weight, and I’m sinking…
I turn in my chair, and look to the outside green. I am taking a deep breathe, breathe in and breathe out.
It is only a thought.
Like the cup that goes splat, just one random event that doesn’t mean anything.
It’s only one thought, one burst of emotion, it doesn’t mean – true!
You – you’re working so hard!
You’re doing your best.
And it may not be pretty, and you may not be perfect, but you are ENOUGH.
You try, you keep going, you never give up!
You’ll figure it out, and you know it.
As soon as you bring in the voice of compassion, that little bit kindness, it
You start feeling calmer.
Less edgy.
Relaxed.
You don’t want to speak to yourself as a thief, an intruder, but speak to yourself as a friend.
A friend who is deserving of kindness.
A friend you know well.
A friend you could hurt, if you wanted – you know the right buttons to push.
You know what to say – because let’s face it, nobody knows you the way that you know yourself.
It takes practice because as survivors, we get so good at speaking down on ourselves.
Berating yourself.
Let’s make it a practice, and turn toward kindness.
Because you deserve it, my friend!
Join me today to bring out more kindness for self:
Hello, my friend!
I hope you’re having a phenomenal week! I hope there were moments of deep and authentic connection – in sharing your true thoughts and feelings, and being there for others, to listen, and hold space, embrace.
And if you do not have the opportunity to spend time with the people you love, I am giving you a great big open hug! Hope you feel it, my friend, and I’m here.
Know this, please – it’s a testament to your drive and energy that you put into staying in touch!
And it only gets harder and harder:
We’re all busy in running our lives, and we’re dealing with our own struggles, and those struggles are often unseen – they can be hard to put into words, even to yourself, let alone share it with others.
There’s one thing I’m grappling with now, and that is the weight of my own expectations.
When I make a video, and pour my heart into it, and then nobody watches, or comments, replies, to be honest, it kind of upsets me.
Yes, I know that it shouldn’t, so I say to myself:
I am trying, I’m doing my best and I’m sharing my truth and being hopeful, I am trying, I’m here!
What is something that leaves you frustrated?
You might not have someone at your side who’s supporting you, urging you on, and it is up to you to speak up with compassion to you, to your self, and to champion you, and your efforts!
It is what you deserve – what you put into practice, for your self, each day!
When you speak to yourself, please then speak to yourself as a friend, as a good friend who is there to offer a kind word, be supportive, encourage, and champion you, and your efforts!
Could you try it, and see it if it’s helpful?
It’s what I’m doing daily, and I would love to hear how it goes!
And if there’s something that you’ve been avoiding in your life, and you’re feeling a tiny bit guilty because you need to do this, I am here to help you – let’s try put aside.
Come and join me this week on the podcast, how to move past avoidance – five things that you can do right away:
Once upon a time, in a land much like our own, there was a little girl who lived in the streets.
And it was a good life – the only one that she knew, anyway.
She learned to fish in the small shallow river that ran through the town, and digging out tubers she found in the parks.
She chased about men in their tall fancy hats, asking for change – and some gave her mercy.
You do what you do to get by.
This one time, she followed a man, who kept himself hiding.
It was the end of the alley, and nowhere to turn.
Then he turned to face her, and she found that something was off.
A gaping hole opened in front of his face.
She wanted to run, but there she stood, frozen.
A bit of a blur.
The next thing she knew she was running, and running, through crickety gullies and bottomless pits, and threw herself into bushes.
Away.
The bushes were quiet – the best place to rest.
She woke up surrounded by warm, fuzzy creatures.
They really weren’t tall, but cuddly, like big fuzzy clouds.
They brought her the strange fruit that crumbled like bread – so delicious!
She called the Fluffs.
They built her a hole in the hill – the comfiest place!
It’s where she grew warm.
She liked being around them.
One day, they showed her a tunnel.
It ran into the town – through holes she could look up, see people and streets.
A real fascination!
She always kept watch for the man with the gaping hole, but she never saw him again.
One time, she watched the kids chasing the rainbow, and playing their games.
They asked her – come on, won’t you join us?
She wondered, but only a moment.
And it was such fun – to be running and laughing, and falling, and starting again.
She tried to go back to the funnel, but she couldn’t find it.
And it was okay.
She stayed at their school.
They called her “the quiet girl”.
One day, a girl told her that she was a gift, then gave her a kiss on the cheek.
Then everything changed.
Not – everything, but some things can change in an instant.
You may not see it coming, but it comes over, and – whoa!
And I think it’s hope.
It helps – keeps you going.
It lives on, inside you.
And you may not see it, or feel it, or know that it’s there, but believe you me, it’s alive!
For living with hope, tune in to the podcast:
We know all about markers for physical health – body mass index, heart rate, glucose levels, but what about mental health?
In a culture where mental health is now part of the conversation, we know very little about what we can actually measure on personal level in just such a way that you know that you’re winning.
As I look back at my personal history of grappling with mental health, it’s very clear:
The most impactful change has been befriending my body.
For thirty six years, we lived as if strangers – just sharing the same space, with no interaction, not even acknowledging each another.
And you know what? It sucks!
I saw the body suffer:
It grew tired, so tired from the long days, short nights, from the lack of nutrition and substance abuse.
As the body grew larger, no longer fit clothes, it was always too much – too much sunlight, and noise, loud voices and crowds,
And you know what’s worse?
It was never comfortable with being who it was. That’s what hurt me the most.
But the crux was in dealing with cancer:
Yes, the body got sick, and the process was painful, but the whole experience of recovery it has brought things to light, things that neither of us want to live with.
It’s the time we both knew, and agreed, it was final:
From now on, things would have to be different, and we’d both need to change.
We both started to work on our routines, what we did with our day, started moving, and jogging, even lifting some weights!
Then we started to rest in a way that was restful, and to eat in a way that’s nutritious, and to drink in a way that you don’t have lie about.
We respect each other.
Today, we are friends.
More, we’re partners!
It’s the journey we’re on, and yes, life will always be full of surprises, but we’re hoping to figure it out along the way.
And it feels – right.
Not to have all the answers, not wait, but keep going.
Are you with me?
Let us figure this out together!! Join this week on the podcast on the things we can do about stress:
Hello, my friend!
Today, I share with you a fascinating conversation with Jason Carbone from Wayne State University who is an expert on stress
and allostatic load, which represents the cumulative wear and tear of long-term exposure to stress.
Allostatic load is the new science on chronic stress and the profound way that it impacts our bodies, our health, and our mind:
When you are born in this world, you so want to be loved – you are confident in your own ability to love, and to give love in the presence of human who’s opened their heart.
When you’re learning to walk, you keep trying and trying – you are confident in your ability to keep trying, as you see people moving around you.
When you’re learning to talk, you have an urgent need to feel heard – you are confident in your ability to share your true thoughts with people in your life.
In other words, confidence is how capable you feel in the presence of others.
So what gets in the way?
Our own experience telling us otherwise.
Experience that is based on living in hurt, not on moving toward the healing.
So this week, I explore the practical ways to prove yourself confident, capable self who deserves to be happy.
It’s you, you and I, and our confidence does not come from outside, but from a deep source within that allows you to live in your own truth in the presence of others!
Reconnecting with part of yourself that is capable, true, and deserves it:
The moment you wake, and you’re facing the day, what hope are you taking on with you?
What hope for yourself, for the people you care, the world as you want it to be:
What hope do you wish to hold on to?
This hope might be wondering, distant, or just out of sight – but stay with me, my friend, it’s there!
Hope we can summon, and draw on this hope to sustain us, at the time when you’re needing it most:
When you find yourself at your lowest, when your dream seems to slip through your fingers, when you step out to champion the person who is looking to you for support, inspiration and courage…
Those are times that you reach for hope:
For hope isn’t a task, but a stretch towards life that feels better.
Stretch can often bring pain, but a must in preventing more damage, more hurt in the long run.
So we’re reaching for hope in a time when there’s no hope in sight.
I remember when our little son would point up to the ceiling at night, and repeat, in bold fascination:
“Lights! Lights! Lights! It’s the lights!”
Then he said it the next day, and I got confused – it’s daylight, so why say it now?
Then I thought, he is pointing towards where the lighting should be!
So it is true for hope – it is right here, it lives in your heart, even when you can’t see it.
It’s here, my friend, so please, hold on to the hope, even when you can’t see it, hope that can be different, hope that things can, and do change – for the better!
This week on the podcast, I am talking about the five hopes of the human condition – the hopes we all share for ourselves and each other:
We all want to be more resilient don’t we, but how? Let’s start with one definition of what resilience that you might not have come across earlier:
Resilience is accepting the inevitable challenges of life as situations that you can successfully cope with.
That’s right, my friend – it does not mean you must crush this challenge by the power of your indomitable will!!
Nor does it imply we put up with suffering daily.
It is believing you can cope with the challenges that you’re facing today.
It need not be perfect, or instant, but including this stress, struggle, awful experience in the categories of things you can heal from, and find your own way to move forward.
Here’s what COPE means to me:
Capable – you see yourself as capable of handling difficulty. How do you do that? By journaling about every day challenges of life – each morning, I write down what I have accomplished the previous day. And it’s always the little things that matter – listening to someone who needed it, working on my play and sharing my truth, getting the dinner ready, going for walk… It’s an opportunity to look at life and say: you know what? I am trying, I am giving my best, I can do this! You can, my friend, I believe in you, always 🙌
Open – it’s so vital in the midst of stress to not retreat into yourself, and instead stay open to new experiences, new people, new thoughts. It may go against what we naturally want to do, but it is when you are around new people, when you trying a new food or learning a new skill, it is then that you get to feel life in a profoundly different way, and that opens you up for dealing with struggle in a whole new way. So what can you do, my friend, to be around new people, what can you try that might be a little outside of your day to day, what can you tune into that will help you feel better? I hope it’s my resilience podcast this week for you!
Proud – be proud of who you are and where you’re going. You have lived with struggle and difficulty, even when no one gave you any credit for it, and yet… You stood your ground, you believed, you kept going! Well done, you! Feel that, take that on, it’s you who deserves to feel pride in living your truth.
Enough – so often in times of stress we are feeling a sense of lack that comes from comparing ourselves to other people. It can a tough losing battle to keep up with ideas about people that we create. Because you never know, do you – what is really going on in their life? What are they really struggling with? What truth are they withholding from others, and, most of all, from themselves? Instead, you want to proof to yourself , and only to yourself, that you are ENOUGH. Enough to feel good, enough to keep going, enough to be striving for more. How? By giving the best of yourself each day. Each day, decide – what’s the one thing I’m going to be great at today? And be it, live it, stay true to yourself! It need not be something grand, or something that you will get praise for – no, it’s for your eyes, and your feelings alone. You will have all the proof that you need that you are worthy, deserving, you are ENOUGH.
No matter the struggle you’re facing, please do not face it alone!
I’m here, right here, on this podcast so tune in and feel heard:
The person that helps you the most is person that you almost missed, or got through by chance.
Isn’t it true? It’s the circumstance brings you together.
How many times do we suffer in silence, and nobody knows how you suffer, the pain that you’re holding inside?
In working with trauma survivors, I noticed that the first barrier to asking for help isn’t even the asking, but rather it’s seeing the truth for yourself:
Here’s what I’m facing, and I don’t deserve to go through it alone.
Uncovering this truth for yourself is harsh and painstaking work of seeing yourself and the chaos around you, but oh is it worth it!
For every endeavor, for every dream, a hope that you harbor, for every struggle that’s walking beside you, please know:
We are never meant to go through it alone.
Despite the past hurts, despite today’s hardships, today you deserve to hear a kind word, to have someone listen, to know there’s someone who’s wishing you well, who believes you!
This might be your loved one, a friend, your therapist, a well meaning person with whom you crossed paths with by chance…
Right now, they are waiting, waiting to be there for you, on your terms!
Yes, that is the gift we can only be gifting ourselves – to find the way through to the place where you get that help, and that path ain’t easy:
So today, I am seeking to break down four reasons that we don’t get help, and how to break past them, to live life you truly deserve, in having support of ,the people around you, and find proof that you’re never alone:
Past holds the pain, and it often gets triggered by smallest of things:Old photo, a song, throwaway comment, and then you find yourself small, stuck in the sorrow you don’t want to feel…When the wave of past hurt, or upset, or regret, when it that it washing you over, there comes a decisive moment:You either get dragged into the feeling, or – pull yourself away, away, and back to the moment you’re in, whatever is happening NOW.I often say that the road to your peace of mind now lies through sorting things out:When you separate things that you cannot control from the things that you can, you get much greater peace, calm, and focus.I walk you through a simple exercise on how to put that in practice right here – what I call the Line of Control.It can help you find freedom in chaos and redirect your energy towards people and tasks that will matter the most.Imagine that there’s a line running from your forehead, dividing the world ahead of you in two equal halves.Now, what are things that are frustrating you now, that lie outside of your influence and control?It might be a careless comment that still hurts inside, a sense of injustice, a difficult memory tinged with regret.Those moments that you cannot influence, change, or control – I want you to put them away to the side, and turn to the right:What are the things that you can control, influence, change to a certain extent?This might be the way you show up in your work, your care for a child or best friend, or keeping you healthy.What is it for you? What moments inspire you, what is it you do that bringing you joy, and excitement, and making you feel good?For these are the moments that matter, the things you take charge of, take part in, and bringing to life!By bringing your focus on things you control, that matter most now, you bring yourself into this moment, right now, in today.It’s not that the past is erased, or forgotten, it’s not that the struggles you’re facing today disappear, but rather we move them away, out of view, to the place they’re no longer controlling your life.Did you find it helpful? If so, this can be the tool that you turn to when worry takes over, and it gets too much.I’m here for you, I believe in you, in us, in our ability to figure things out!You deserve the best, my friend, not tomorrow: TODAYFor a deep dive on releasing the past, please join me this week on the podcast:
There are two sides of the human condition, and we’re facing them daily – it’s the misery of hurt and delight of the present, it’s the joy, and the feeling alive.But the trouble of living with trauma is more often than not, we are not getting either – we’re stuck in between.How’s that better than misery?Feeling hurt is a negative feeling, but at least you can feel:It’s a heavy burden, but it brings about facing your truth, and forces a change because change never comes on its own.Change can only be opened when we have nowhere to go – it’s the only way forward.But worse is the place of being stuck in between:It is hard to absorb what is happening, to take in magnitude of what you’re living, and feel, feel fully…It’s hard because feeling fully means not only feeling the goodness, but also it’s feeling the hurt.It’s why healing is path towards moving past the unfeeling and letting the hurts take their place in the past.It’s no easy task, but a journey, a journey where these things are true:1. You are not alone in this journey, but one of us, millions who are trying and stumbling and falling but only to get up, keep going, and keep feeling closer to self, to the freedom of less guilt, and less shame, and less hurting, the freedom of being your true self 2. That healing isn’t for other people, but healing’s for you! It is a real possibility of a life filled with goodness, where hurt is confined to the memory, and not overpowering or dulling your senses each day. This is the hope of letting things go, slowly but surely, hope of the progress, of freedom and choice, every day 3. No matter what anyone tells you, or what your experience been like before, you are stronger than you think and more resilient than anyone’s given you credit for. You will surprise yourself with your confidence, your capabilities, your desire to live, and be happy! Stay on this path, keep showing up to the therapy, keep seeking connections with people who get you, keep listening to the positive, hopeful, encouraging voices in your life! You are more capable of so much more than you think.
I am here for you, friend. Stay strong, and remember: you’re never alone!You deserve to feel calmer, deserve to feel cherished, deserve to have fun and enjoy little moments of beauty of living each day.Hope you join me this week on the podcast as we talk about how to move away from the mere existence, and to live the life fully, with your passion, and feeling alive:
Inside every mistake, there are opposite forces – one that pulls you towards something, one that’s pushing away.Which one is right? Are you heading towards it, are you moving away?Therein, the choice:Depending on the situation, you might need to pull forward, or push away, and it is when we don’t tend to the true instinct of which one is right is when we make a mistake.This might be choice about the situation that you find yourself in:For me, this was in my first long term relationship when I found my then partner was cheating on me.I knew it was wrong, but I was petrified of losing her and being alone for the rest of my life…It’s why I stayed with her even though deeply I knew it was wrong.Life proved it to me when she’s left me for someone else anyway.It’s made me realise that life will inevitably make us face the same choice until we make the right one, or have no alternative but facing the consequence.So it’s the situation that’s making us choose, but it might also be an internal conundrum:I have always felt broken, ashamed of what I experienced as a child, and yet I felt this deep, profound yearning to heal, to let go, and I didn’t know how, but that wasn’t the problem:What has pulled me away from the seeking a some place to heal was the fear voice – you are broken, you’re done, it is beyond repair.It has kept me from healing, it has kept this part of me locked away, and it was confronting the possibility of healing in a fellow human that changed me.It’s been the catalyst to step forward, and give into the pull towards feeling more whole, and together.This is why having a friend, a partner, a mentor who gets you is vital – they support you in seeing the possibility of something greater, a new hope, a change that you can start dreaming about.The ultimate goal of any choice that you make is steering away from the feeling of failure that so often haunts us when you have been touched by trauma.This is why I recorded the whole podcast on just this – how to heal from mistakes with compassion and kindness to self!Please join me this week on the Power To Be Happy podcast:
If you ask me what is the greatest way to prevent you from getting hurt, I’d stuffing it so far and so deep no one will ever find it.Including yourself.Trouble is, it doesn’t go away, does it?We just stop FEELING IT, but it’s wriggling inside of you, buried within.It’s been so many years that I took my early hurt, hurt going through rape as a child, and I sent it away into hiding.All the ways I could keep it at bay – never speak of it even a word, beat the image back soon as they start to rise, tell myself I was over it, past it, it’s nothing, it’s gone.It’s a part that’s been trying to float to the surface, to rise up within, and it’s finally done it:I was writing a play about war, about memories, and this part of me lurking within, trying to find its way onto the page, into my life.What was it I was afraid of?That it’s going to burst out, take over, and make my life a mess?What I found was RELEASE.In sharing the draft with another survivor, she brought up her own story of her, and of healing, that’s when I was compelled to share mine.And it wasn’t the shame, the black bottomless pit of disgust, and helplessness, numb, no – I have opened the floodgates, and that’s when it began:A triumphant return to self, back to wholeness, back to where I belong.Feeling my truth, feeling the urge to let go, the desire that I have to heal.Only healing was only a word – now it’s a feeling, a process, an act, now it’s part of the journey.Parts we hide – from ourselves and from others – are like children that want to be loved.All they’re wanting is have fun, and be playful, want to run free, with joy!This is the path towards liberation, a greater life where you’re feeling a great flow of energy that’s been used to withdraw, hold back, and it’s free to be channeled to love, and immersingyourself in the people and purpose that give meaning, that help you BELONG.You can only feel understood if you are in the process of understanding your true self, your hopes, and your dreams, your desires.This is what requires time, and care, and, most of all, compassion with self.It’s a practice that I am exploring this week on the podcast – join me on how to feel understood:
Greatest gift that you can be giving yourself is seeing your self as you are – the wounds, imperfections, the questions and doubts…Because when you see your true face, your true colors, not as you want to be held in the mind of another, but in life that you own, you will find greater beauty than any could ever imagine.
I have a dream of a global community that is founded on healing together.It’s a bold vision, and as it’s taking shape in my mind after my own experience of being on a healing journey, and having the people around to hold and to guide me, I want this to be a reality that all of us share, those who are touched by trauma, and know we want more.And every day now, I do this ritual where I perform my ten minute play about the choice that I am facing each day.There is a different choice that I speak to all of the time, and this morning, it started with fear:
To live through it, or to hide it away.In my mind’s eye, I found myself performing this piece in front of my closest people including my grandfather who was like a father to me.And it came as a solemn moment, as they witnessed my rebirth, and I found myself sobbing, on my knees, and I felt their charge, to carry this vision, forward:
Not because I am strong, or gifted, but because it is the only way.If you, friend, find yourself needing an inspiration to move forward, please know:
You have all the answers already within you, and it’s all about finding the questions you need to unlock, find a spring that will propel you forward, on your terms!Even in the midst of struggle, of strife, of feeling miserable and alone we find courage to bring it together – I share some thoughts on how this week, on the podcast:
The moments that we are most ashamed of are things that we could not control.So isn’t time we live in our truth – we’ve nothing to hide from, atone for, take back.Yes, the struggle defined us, and we hold our heads high!You are who you are, my friend.In the sorrows and hopes that we share, we chart forward the path – TO FREEDOM!To keep moving from shame and the traumas we suffered, we will not walk away, and keep moving…It is our turn to heal, but it’s also a choice:Because healing is always a dance, no right way, or wrong, but – your way.What might help you in healing from shame?Join me this week to move beyond shame:
Growing up, I saw that anger was bad.Angry people lashed out, they hurt others, they weren’t happy themselves.So I never got angry, and I kept it inside of myself, and there it kept boiling, and boiling away…But it never came out, and it stayed inside, eating away at me, making me anxious, and wound up.Looking back on it, every time that I could not breathe, every time I felt like my insides could burst from the tension, it’s been anger:Anger stayed there, and could not get out.When I am feeling angry today, I know what helps me release it, in a way that feels healthy.What is your relationship with anger, at this point of your life?It’s a difficult balance between letting it simmer, and letting it burst in a way that is hurtful and wrong.I invite you to the podcast this week to talk about you might be dealing with anger in a way that feels right to you:
Who are we – without trust? Just people with nothing in common.But you build the trust, it’s out in the open – the groundwork for love, recognition, respect.What’s more – you could not start healing without it.If you can’t trust your therapist, a fellow survivor, then can you be open to the possibility of healing, of lasting and positive change?It’s, as I say – TRUST IS A MUST.But how do we build it – up?We live in our language, and it’s no wonder we talk about ‘building’ trust…Because it’s not easy.Because we’ve all lied to, and hurt, and discouraged, and yet, we have no choice but living beyond the survival, and towards belonging.Imagine what lies ahead, when you can trust, I mean fully trust people around you, the people you can rely on, the people who care…What would life look like?How much more happiness, wonder, and camaraderie you could share in if you can build mutual trust, understanding?I don’t claim to have all the answers, but like you, I have been through wrongs and betrayals, and I found that building trust is tied into healing in three simple ways, and I want to take twenty minutes this week to explore how to build trust today:
Do you know what people think when they look at you? Isn’t it fascinating when you think about what kind of impact you make without even thinking about it…There’s an immediate impression that people are getting, whether you want to or not.I always wanted for people to like me, or maybe not like – accept who I am.The more that I tried, the less I think happened, because there’s an edge, just something that isn’t authentic that people can feel.I look on it now, it was valid – a way for me coping with feeling so lost, and so alien.But now, every day I spend on my journey, the journey of trying to heal, and healing the parts that were hurt, or forgotten, I kind of stopped thinking:Did I say that wrong?Does this make me stupid?No, today I am doing much more in it – the world, other people, I listen to them, I am in their presence because I am not worried.I am who I am, and I earned that knowledge, and being far from perfect is now what feels normal.You know what?I’m NORMAL.Yes, normal, because I no longer think trauma is weird.Because I hold proof that we’re many, and that is a gift of us sharing our truth.You do it your own way, and find your own how.For more on the podcast:
Every time I speak to someone who’s been through cancer, I can’t help but ask:The people in your life – how did they support you?The reason is some of my close friends went missing when I went through treatment, and I kept asking myself:Is this my fault? Am I the only one who gets to go through it?The truth, as always, is simple and outrageous.It’s one of my early episodes of Simplify Cancer podcast, before Zoom took over our lives and I’d meet guests in person.Today, we’re in the library, and we talk about the great turning points – the moments they tell you it’s cancer, deciding on treatment, the agonising wait for results, supportMy guest is gushing about how fantastic everyone was, supportive, she could not be happier.We wrap up, and as I’m packing the microphones away, she pauses for a moment, as if unsure and says, “You know, there are a few close people that cut me off, and it really hurt.”“That sucks,” I say in surprise, “but why didn’t you say that before?”Her eyes gaze off into the distance. “You know they could listen,” she said softly. “I just don’t want to upset them.”Since then, I have spoken to hundreds of people, and their experience is often the same:There is always a feeling of hurt from someone who’s part of their life, and a profound sense of not wanting to talk about it.Yes, it’s painful, yes, it’s hard to put into words, but it is the struggle we share!However, I also believe that most people want to be there for you, they want to support you – they just don’t know HOW.It’s why we must guide them, explain what we want, so they feel that they are there for you in a meaningful way, and you get to feel the connection, the strong bond that binds.For that, we must understand our own needs, even as they change and evolve.If you feel that your needs might be changing, or perhaps you’re not getting support that you want, I’d love you to join me for this vital conversation on evolving support needs and what works best for you now:
Dear friend, if you’re getting hit hard by the struggle, you might ask yourself:Why, why should life be this hard?One thing I’m finding helpful is zoom out of the moment, this day to day life, and consider this life as a whole:As I began to consider the past, from the very beginning, I began to pick out the turning points, the impact they had, impact I never noticed…And so often you don’t because you, you just get on with life, and the moments that matter, that hurt you, that made you look up, those moments that changed you…In truth, they add up.And you’re feeling it, don’t you?The cumulative impact of pain, stress, trauma adds up, over time, and it’s taking us longer to let go, and recover, move on.In my traumatic stress studies course, there’s a name for what we’re experiencing – they call it the allostatic load.I want share what I learned with you about it on this week’s podcast below:
When you’re caught in the struggle, then how hard it is to imagine that things could be different?When I was alone, and I could not have sex with a woman I wanted to be with, it’s been nigh on impossible even consider that I could feel wanted, I could be cherished, and be in the presence of love and desire.But there was a seed – a dream, a hint, hope on a wing…It’s been a long road to dreaming, dreaming of freedom:What is it like? What would life look like, each day? How would it feel, on the inside? What are the things that we can do, together?That was the breakthrough.Hope has given the way to possibility, possibility into action.It wasn’t easy, it’s taken me years, but I found love, all I could dream of, and more, so much more!If you find yourself struggling to get through the day, then what you might need now is time.Time to dream, time to feel, to consider, to open the path towards hope.Because no matter how tough it might be now, things can, and do, change.For the better!!I’m with you – join me this week on the podcast to talk about trauma and triumph, much closer than what we might think:
Tell me – are you the person who follows their own intuition, or likes to think everything through?Most of us fall somewhere in between, but being on my journey to healing from trauma has changed me in ways that I could not expect.The big step that I taken last year was starting my therapy.It’s helped me put some of my hurtful memories in a place where they are just that – memories, and not a living and breathing horrors that take over senses and making me numb.Therapy has also helped me to find the compassion I needed for my younger selves, embrace them and bring them onside.(Sounds weird I know, but it’s like learning a language – it’s starting off hard, and the next thing you know you can ask for directions)The one thing I could not expect was a new found sense of trust – in myself, with the human that I am today, what I want, what I need, what I deeply desire.Remember radio?It’s like I tuned in into my own station, and now I can listen to my own thoughts and feelings, and decide what to do.It is such a relief I can’t tell you:Having spent so much of my life inside worry, and doubt, stuck between crazy and divisive thoughts, knowing something is wrong with me…Well, today I know better.Today, I know every little thing is right, and if it isn’t quite right, then I know I’ll be making it better.It’s the step that I’m glad I could take – to be trusting myself in my actions, my plans, and my dreams.In my everyday decisions:How I write, how I speak, how I am around others.It’s the comforting truth in the knowledge about us, all of us who have lived through the hurt:Why worry about what could be wrong when there’s so much RIGHT.One step at a time…What is the next step on your journey to heal?Join me this week to explore the ways we can how:
Look, maybe we don’t have the power to change things, but suppose we could, and you go back in time:Do you know the moment you’d come back, and change?I once had an affair with a married woman.I had never once questioned her, and she kept it a secret, but a friend of mine knew.So I met with this friend, and the way that he’d spoken has struck me like dagger.A casual, throw away word, but it hurt me, disparaging as it was towards her.Tell me – what would you do?We are always confronted with choice, and it never seems like it because it’s moments that rise through the day, and they don’t seem to change things, they simply – exist.These indeed are the moments we’re called to be sharing our truth:Your true feelings, and thoughts, hopes and dreams, and desires.In that moment, I did not speak up.I swallowed the truth that was vital to me.It is I who is paying the price for this hesitation, for not acting on an impulse, for not having an impulse because the truth has been beaten so many times before…There are moments when you want to change things, to speak up, to right wrongs, big and small…But changing the past?It’s a power that we don’t possess, and yet…We find new perspective through healing.A way into healing may come through many doors, and one of them is psychodrama.What makes it unique is creating a new, more helpful way of living with the past.Imagine being able to recast pivotal moments in your life in a way that feels right for you now, creating a new type of reality of how things could be!Surplus reality is one of the many fascinating aspects of psychodrama we talk about this week with therapist Richard Hall:
There’s a part in each of us that’s so fragile, so hurt by the past that we’re wanting to hide it, protect it – from what?When I look back on the years of shame, pain, and the guilt that I carried of being raped as a child, the one thing I been scared of the most is admitting the truth to myself:Yes, it did happen, and it’s part of who I amKnowing this truth does not make me feel damaged, but places the past in the past, something that’s happened that does not direct my visions and feelings today.This, and a ton of therapy!But that’s owning your truth – no one could make to take off the burden, but you.Part of my owning my truth has come through in sharing this story with others.It’s helped to come up to terms with:Seeing my friends and family take it onboard made me realise – no one is going to disown me, or push me away.I didn’t know that, but still I taking that chance – for if someone cannot accept your suffering, do you want them this close in your life?In sharing this story out loud made me realise:I got so good at hiding those parts of myself that so needed a voice that nobody knew what I felt, thought, or wanted.And isn’t that what we’re all desperately wanting – to be seen, heard, acknowledged for the person you are, deep, on the inside?Silence is deafening because in silence, we are alone.Breaking the silence, we are living the shared truth of our struggle, our sorrows, but also of our resilience, our ability to change, grow, and heal, to share the deepest of yearnings, and will to go on.Finding our voice is also reminder:Skills that built us are so often skills for survival, vital, but they only take us so far…Today, we need new skills.We need life skills that will help us thrive, feel more, reach further, dream, and keep growing!This is why we want to go past the point of being stuck in survival and move on to thrive and live on:
What’s the biggest compliment anyone has ever given you?Maybe it’s taken taken you by surprise, made you feel special?My wife served me with the biggest compliment of my life when she said:You are the bravest person I know.It stirred something, deep down inside me, and it’s new because I never thought of myself as brave.In fact, and this may sound weird, but I never thought of myself as anything, I simply got by.You do enough to survive, to get through, keep out of their way.Only the biggest turning points in life, the highest of highs, and the lowest of lows, can help us see ourselves in a different light:As someone who lives, loves, and give it their best.As someone deserving of true love, and happiness, joy!And whether that shift in how you see yourself has come through the eyes of a loved one, a friend, workmate, or your very own, it can only takes life when you start believing it true.When you make that choice, life changes because you are no longer waiting:You act.In the name of the happy and joyous, the life you deserve!This choice might be out there, waiting for you to make it.Let’s dive in this week to find what is most right for you:
We all have a story that truly defines you, but – how do you know what is it?The moment when story of our life starts truly take shape is the moment you’re starting to heal.Because healing is gateway to living a greater, more joyful and meaningful life.Healing is what we do in moving away from the suffering, away from the struggle, the troubles we know…And yet, we are making a choice to heal.This is what defines you – your story, your life, and where you are going.And my guest today, Kali Foster, has been on a journey to heal and help others.From facing your past to knowing yourself, from acupuncture to body-based therapy, Kali is always on the journey of reclaiming your true self, each day.Please join us for this vital conversation today:
I have an emerging medical situation re: possible cancer.I’m hopeful, but – I’ve been down that road before.My instant reaction is daze – the mind goes all soggy, it’s dragging me into the mist…I just want to hide behind Netflix, the phone, stop thinking, let go of the wheel.But then I catch myself – it’s a signal, a sign to be paying attention, to focus, switch on.This time, I want to charge, keep hopeful, and lead.It’s part of our lives – the triggers we know, those tiny reminders that call the best of ourselves to recognise:I need help. I need to step out for a walk. I need to talk to someone. I need to be mindful. I need to take rest. I need to exercise. I need a holiday.For so long, I’ve been so afraid of getting to know myself better.Because who knows what is hiding in there?But now, I do trust myself, more.To be my own friend.Are you being a friend – to you?Join me on the podcast to talk about honoring self and how we respond to questions that life keeps on asking:
Like many, I first learned about trauma from Besser van der Kolk’s “The Body Keeps the Score” book.
I was driving from work, and listening to the first chapter where Bessel gets a gift from the army vets as if to say: now you’re one of us.
As I listen, the tears swell up, and I’m sobbing.
And I can’t stop because inside, a new understanding is born: now I am one of us, those who know what it is like to suffer.
But the gift of this book, of course, isn’t the trauma, but belief you can heal.
This belief is instilled in me through many chapters, and stories, and the therapies I never heard…
One of those – neurofeedback.
It’s a fascinating approach that brings together technology, neuroscience, and the understanding of human experience.
Today, I am talking to Moshe Perl, a true expert in neurofeedback about how it works, and why it can be so effective in healing from trauma:
The most difficult, painful moments that have impact on our lives have this one thing in common:
The mind wants to drift further away from the memory, from the event, so as not to even recall it.
We can’t bear to think, feel – it is stuck in our body, some place in between.
Neither here nor there.
It’s how I think of the most challenging times in my life when the impact of past and the struggle was strongest…
I felt stuck in between of the past, present, future, I could not dare move, decide, or make change.
The goal is to find meaningful activities that brings us into the moment, that swoop in to take hold of our hearts, and our minds, our bodies, that are calling us strongly:
To act, to keep going, today.
But then how do you do that?
In this podcast today, I want to share what I am learning and how that might help you – we talk through the journey of healing so you can feel progress, to feel good about you, where you’ve been, and where are you going from here:
One barrier that prevents us from doing therapy is we don’t have the language we need to be talking of trauma.
It’s why a body based approach is so vital – reconnect with our senses, and feel.
Yoga helps us connect with our bodies, but there are deeper needs that us trauma survivors can often require – a more gentle pathway without focus on form, or on doing things right.
Here is where trauma sensitive yoga comes in – and this conversation with Clare Pritchard has transformed the way that I think about yoga.
In this conversation on trauma informed yoga, trauma yoga teacher Clare we talk about what separates trauma sensitive yoga from the more traditional modalities, why it’s important, and whether it’s right for you.
Clare is not only as a skilled teacher and caring practitioner, but a compassionate voice for trauma survivors, and urge thay we have to heal.
Join us for this vital conversation on trauma sensitive yoga:
Links
Trauma Sensitive Yoga
Yarra Ranges Yoga
This morning, as I am jogging through bush, I’m feeling my muscles grow tense.
The breathing is shallow, arms flail around useless, like sticks…
I know that I’m tired, and I want to stop, keep walking instead, you know, take it easy.
And hey, what’s the harm? It’s almost 5km, and no one can see me.
And yet, I remember:
SURVIVOR
I am a survivor.
I suffered, I held back, I failed, and almost gave up.
But I will no more. Not even today!
It’s my choice:
To make my identity matter.
It’s shaping the person I am – not a victim, but striver who does not give up.
Despite everything, I am here.
Despite everything, I give and I care.
Despite everything, I am a beautiful human being.
And I have earned the right to not give a crap about haters, and doubters, and lies.
You are who you are.
We’re in this together, and the identity we choose to take on with trauma it can be a crutch, or a blocker, but also RELEASE.
Release from pressure, the past, expectations.
Today, what matters: today.
The person who’s helped me to see it is part of my life, and now I have the honor to speak to her about healing, identity, being a survivor, and finding your way.
Donna is taking the pain that she’s been through, and lessons she learned to create a one of a kind program called Left > Write >> Hook that helps survivors of child sexual abuse to heal, and move forward.
Join Donna Lyon and myself for this vital conversation today:
Links
Left Write Hook
It’s hard to put trauma into words.
That’s why therapies like EMDR, trauma informed yoga, and neurofeedback can be so powerful in helping us heal.
But having a calming presence around you can also be ever so helpful – precisely the reason why equine therapy is so intriguing!
This week, I’m speaking to Cindy Jacobs, a somatic experience practitioner who has developed her own approach to helping people with trauma.
Cindy loves her horses, and she has incredible passion for helping people here in Victoria – I hope you will join me for this vital conversation on equine therapy and its role in healing from trauma:
Links
SEhorse trauma resolution | Cindy Jacobs
Free Rein Australia
I feel the reason that we don’t talk about our pain and internal strife is we believe that we’re broken. We don’t believe we can heal. Whether it’s breakup, or grief, or abuse, it’s hard to imagine that things could be changed. For me, it’s going through rape as a child. I lived in denial […]
The post #116 – Showing Your Pain with Joe Bakhmoutski appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
The moment I heard about parts of you living inside, and that they must get along like a family, it rang out as loud as the truth.
Of course – we must help them, bring out the parts that were hurt, so they’re starting to heal.
But that’s not easy to do on your own, and to have a specialist guide taking you through this can make all the difference…
This is where Internal Family Systems therapy comes in:
It’s a complete approach to help people healing from trauma, and this week I’m talking to Sean Cuthbert, a local psychologist who is an expert on trauma and IFS:
The post #115 – Internal Family Systems with Sean Cuthbert appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
The last few years of living inside a pandemic have caught us off balance – the everyday life turned itself inside out, we struggled to make sense, connect, to belong. But this profound sense of disorientation hasn’t it always been found its way into the fabric of our being when living with trauma? It sometimes […]
The post #114 – Your Place of Strength appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
What is life without a moment of true connection – when you’re feeling the joy, the fun, and sharing of something unique, and yet simple, together. This might be a moment you share with a friend, child, your lover: You don’t have to think, and just live it – what a relief! But there are […]
The post #113 – Why Men’s Health Why Now? appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
Some say happy moments are brief, but their impact is often long lasting. These are moments that walk through unseen, and they’re bringing us strength, strength is fuel that’s keeping us going when we’re needing it most. I remember my hospital stay during cancer, and what I loved the most was the cafe downstairs. You […]
The post #112 – What Is Happiness For You? appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
The biggest impact of traumatic past is you being shut off from part of you deep on the inside. But when it is back, your whole being is surging to wholeness… The best thing about it? There’s no going back. The surging of joy, the welcoming back of a part that lay buried within. The […]
The post #111 – Healing and Growing appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
Turning your feelings in words – always hard. Especially when those are the feelings that speak to the hurt and uncertainty that has built up inside… But here’s the challenge – if we don’t find a way to somehow release them, they will stay trapped in inside. But words have power – for us, and […]
The post #110 – What You Go Through Each Day appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
There’s a moment you know you’re in love – you remember it, don’t you? It’s that spark, the emotion, and you don’t know what’s next, yet you can’t help but feel. We say ‘falling in love’ because it’s what happens – you do not get a choice, and you’re drawn to them. It’s the same […]
The post #109 – If You’re Feeling Alone appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
Losing someone you love changes your life in an instant. This is the story of my friend Helen losing her husband to cancer. We talk about grieving, healing, and the life beyond. Helen is so honest and full of light, and her story is moving in a profound way because it speaks to our shared […]
The post #108 – Healing and Grief appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
Denial – a soft woolly blanket on a cold morning. If I can stayed curled up here in bed, then everything turns out okay. And does it? Life is facing the inevitable – you are seeing things as they are. You try and keep going even you don’t know how – this is HOPE. Our […]
The post #107 – Denying the Trauma appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
The strangest thing happened – I was driving to work when all of a sudden, the car behind me starts honking and screeching, and driver leans out the window, starts hurtling abuse. At me – but I do not scream, or show him the finger… No, I blow him a kiss. With a big loving […]
The post #106 – Difficult Road to Forgiveness appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
A friend asked me if I have any episodes about inspiration… Because he was feeling down, and not in a good place. And that’s what it’s for: Inspiration is a feeling that’s lifting you up, and giving you boost, and urging you act. NOW. When you feel inspired, you don’t wait for the perfect moment… […]
The post #105 – Finding Your Inspiration appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
The rape – I couldn’t talk about it for years. And I was a child, I didn’t have words to describe what it was, or how it’s been messing me up. The worst part of trauma – it hides in your body, and you’re trapped, inside. You’re helpless, alone, and want to do something about […]
The post #104 – Healing with Therapy appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
What most people see is the “safe” part of you – is this who you are on the inside?
I think that we’re more than that, and part that we’re willing to share is one part of many that makes you the person that you are today.
These parts might be speaking to diverging hopes, hurts, and stories we carry within.
The first time I spoke to survivor, like me, I felt understood, but also more whole:
I felt that a part of me came back to life.
The part that was hurt, as a child, that lived on in fear and buried in shame…
The first time I spoke to it I even pointed to it by instinct – someplace in the gut.
Now I’m not claiming the body connection at all, but many of the go to therapies that we have for trauma today, including Internal Family Systems, ego state therapy, psychodrama, connect with the parts based approach to our mind.
Is healing then about making parts of ourselves feel more welcome and safe?
Join me this week on The Happy YOU podcast as I talk about parts and the impact of trauma – and how we can integrate our experience in a way that is helping us heal.
If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #103 – How Do We Stop Hurting Today? appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
With trauma, we’re always running away from hurt…
Because too painful, and yet, that is exactly what can get in the way of healing.
Take me – I spent most of my life suppressing the memory of abuse, and how it has messed me up…
Listen, how could I speak, share my story, get help:
When I could not even begin to ACKNOWLEDGE the wreckage it made of my life!
And I’ve been living in hurt for years because I didn’t know healing and what it can do.
But everything changed the moment I met a survivor – I understood who I am, what I lived through, and what I deserve.
It’s like a part of me came back to life, and this part made me more whole.
This part has helped me starting to dream, more calm, think clearly, but also seeing the other side of healing:
Away from hurt, towards the beauty and joy of life, towards the goodness and feeling better about yourself!
Towards being more creative and open, towards feeling MORE
What are the good things that may be obstructed by trauma?
Join me this week on the podcast to go through the five hidden virtues of healing:
If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #101 – The Five Hidden Virtues appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
With trauma, we’re always running away from hurt…
Because too painful, and yet, that is exactly what can get in the way of healing.
Take me – I spent most of my life suppressing the memory of abuse, and how it has messed me up…
Listen, how could I speak, share my story, get help:
When I could not even begin to ACKNOWLEDGE the wreckage it made of my life!
And I’ve been living in hurt for years because I didn’t know healing and what it can do.
But everything changed the moment I met a survivor – I understood who I am, what I lived through, and what I deserve.
It’s like a part of me came back to life, and this part made me more whole.
This part has helped me starting to dream, more calm, think clearly, but also seeing the other side of healing:
Away from hurt, towards the beauty and joy of life, towards the goodness and feeling better about yourself!
Towards being more creative and open, towards feeling MORE…
What are the good things that may be obstructed by trauma?
Join me this week on the podcast to go through the five hidden virtues of healing:
If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #101 – Five Hidden Virtues of Healing appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
Today I told a friend about going through rape as a child.
And she took well, in the sense of truth and acceptance, as something that’s normal, a part of me.
But it’s also released me – from secrets, from shame, and the pain that I carry with me.
Every single time I share this story, and by now, most people in my life they know, I get a sense of relief – let go of the burden I carry.
Because I can look to the future.
Have you ever shared your story, my friend?
To feel truly heard, understood?
I hope that you find the opportunity to share your truth with someone – be it a friend, or your therapist.
Because this might be helping you to go further, into the future you want without the extra burden that gets bundled onto our shoulders as we’re making our own way through life…
My friend, if there is something that you want get off of your chest, I am here.
Your future, your life it is worth it – and we should never keep at it alone!
This week on The Happy YOU, I am talking about the future and healing from trauma – join me for this conversation as we move towards healing:
If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #100 – The Future You Want Beyond Trauma appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
Did you know that sharing something you just learned with a fellow human can help you integrate this knowledge at a much deeper level?
Because you understand how it works and what it represents, but explaining it makes you find a place for it in your, to fit in with the rest of your experience.
And I think that it’s true for events that take place in our own life…
Say, have you ever noticed how sharing a personal story with friend, or a loved one made you see it in a different light?
We are finding a new perspective onto our journey, it can help us make sense, and in some way, put in place where it belongs – in the past.
One of the reasons why my experience of going through rape as a child has been keeping a stranglehold over my life is because I never told anyone about it.
What is it that I was afraid of?
Admitting the truth, as if it’s crime – I know that you and me, that us survivors:
We deserve better.
To speak our truth, to get clarity of your journey, and keep going the path into healing.
This is our truth this week – get in touch with your story in a way that is helping you heal:
If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #99 – Your Story, Your Truth, and Clarity appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
How come is it that we don’t get to experience the depth and the beauty of life in the way we deserve after going through trauma?
And why do so many of us go through life and suffer, without the help that we so desperately need in order to heal?
Here is one reason – because we get turned away.
For it was the family doctors – I muster the courage to speak not because of strength, but pure desperation:
The woman I loved has left me for somebody else, and I’m in the bottomless pit of depression, drinking, and grief.
I blurt out the ways that I suffer – the nightmare from my past, and suffocating from panic, the fear of being alone.
He looks at me like a puzzle.
There is no need for questions, and so he hands me a piece of paper – here, this should help.
I walk out to find out a prescription – a drug I don’t want, or care for.
One swift move, and it’s in the bin.
I do this without thinking, not knowing what it is that I’m seeking, but somehow I know that this isn’t it.
Us, survivors of trauma, are real people – we are not broken, so we don’t need to be fixed.
We want to be understood, we want to feel heard, assured that we are okay.
And when you’re dismissed, judged, ignored, whether it is by doctor, loved one, or someone you meet – the first time we seek help is often the last.
At least for a while – for me, it is decades.
And all of that time, I never had the chance to find out about therapy, and how it can help us heal from struggle, and hurt.
To find yourself not as a tag in somebody’s file, but as a fragile and intricate human who wants to be heard and supported to find their own path to heal.
A human being who, above all, deserves to be happy.
It’s you, me, all of us who have suffered, who know what it’s like.
We deserve more, even if we have been knocked back!
For years, I was afraid to try therapy, to learn about different options, afraid I’m too broken, too late, afraid of being labelled…
It stuck.
But it was a conversation with a survivor who urged to reconsider, explore and to try.
It’s helping me heal, feel more calm, and make past to feel more like the past – as something that’s already happened, not overreaching into the now.
Being in this moment, alive, feeling that you belong, in this world today!
This is what we deserve.
I know that it’s hard to take next step, but it just might be the step you need to live a happier, more fulfilled life that you truly deserve.
For more on my journey of finding healing through therapy, check out this episode of The Happy YOU podcast.
If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #98 – When You’re Wanting To Heal appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
When I’m thinking of shame, I can see myself naked, in bed, lying flat on my face.
We had only just met, and we made it to my place, we’ve been tearing our clothes off…
Only I cannot do it.
I cannot have sex – again.
There’s something that’s pulling me back, it’s from my past, past I can’t even see, feel, or get close…
But it’s interrupting my life, right now.
And I can’t even cry, just stare into the white emptiness.
She says something, and her words they sound kind, but she’s walking away.
Shame is all that you can’t do, and yet, we forget:
All the beautiful things that you can!
Yes, you can, and you do, but you’re might not be giving yourself the chance – in recognising the goodness, the hope, and the love that you give, to the world, and the people you care.
Shame is robbing us, you and me, from living our fullest, and that’s what I am tackling this week in my podcast:If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #97 – Healing From Shame appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
Today, I bring you a vital conversation with Cathy Kezelman.I was so moved by Cathy’s book “Innocence Revisited”, and I had to know more.Cathy is a child sexual abuse survivor, her story shrouded by disassociation, and the startling discoveries have shaken Cathy’s world to the core.Cathy’s path towards learning the truth, and the path towards healing, and the inspirational journey of creating Blue Note Foundation to make an incredible difference to the people affected by complex trauma, is nothing short of astounding!Cathy’s story helps us reconnect with our own, an ultimate reminder that no matter what you been through, my friend, you are never alone.We’re here, with you, to give, grow and heal, together.Thank you for being here, and hope you enjoy the vital conversation we’re having with Cathy right now!If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #96 – Learning Your Truth appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
When you are on the plane, the safety instructor always tells you to put your oxygen mask first, in case of an accident, before you are helping someone…Why? Because if something happens to you, who is going to step in, and act?
Same is true for love, for affection and care – when you give so much, it can all too easy to forget about you…
And sometimes, it’s harder because nobody taught us to care for ourselves!
So it’s us who must find ways to care – for ourselves, to show love, compassion for the true, brave, and authentic you, in all of its many parts, that is living inside you!
And one way we remind ourselves who we are is through affirmations:
Because what you say to yourself, it matters, and I do it a little different – I want to share what worked for me, and lifted me up when I – literally – could not even look myself in the mirror…
Feeling good about me, about life, and being able to find love is a journey, and I hope you can join me – who knows, you might find that it’s helpful in your life today:If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #95 – Affirmations for Self-Love appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
What does creativity have to do with trauma? Being creative in a way that is meaningful for you is what helps us heal, feel expressive and more alive! This week, I am talking to my artist and playwright friend, Achiro Olwoch, about sharing your truth and healing from trauma.My friend, where does the time go, and are we spending it right?It makes you wonder, especially if you’re feeling stuck, in a rush, just trying to get through the day…The moment it happens, like I was in writing my play, and doubts creep in:Is this all there is – me, trying, over and over again? And I am no playwright, I am not getting paid for this, and no one is waiting, ready to even give it a chance…But here’s one thing that I know as fact – this play, it’s helping me heal.In here, I can channel:The thoughts, fears, hope, dreams and needs that I felt, or wanted to feel, if I could.In here, I can open myself, and be real.I may not perfect, but I can be me, and it’s all we can ask for:In living our truth, out there, in the open, it’s helping us heal.And whether you’re dancing away, or walking with friends, or poking at weeds in the garden, you’re living your truth, creating your art to heal.Because in the act of creation, you’re seeing the real you, in so many parts, connections, so giving and free.But we don’t always get to live at the greater depth of experience – what can help you express your true self, past your trauma?This is the topic that I am exploring this week with artist and trauma survivor Achiro Olwoch – and how simple practice of living through your art is helping us heal.Join us this week on The Happy YOU podcast:For more about Achiro:
Achiro Olwoch official website
Achiro Olwoch on Twitter
If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #94 – Healing Through Art appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
Even in most darkest hour, one glimmer remains – hope.
Hope that things can, and do, change… For the better!
It might not be today, it might not be tomorrow, but it can happen.
This isn’t a promise, or guarantee, but a possibility.
Because when you lose faith in your circumstance, lose confidence in the struggle that you face today, please go on, keep believing – in you!
In you, the you who deserves to be happy, the you who’s seen the struggle before, but found the strength to heal, stand your ground, get up, and keep moving.
Believing it doesn’t need proof:
Today, I am writing my play, The Giver of Hope.
It is the play about a young man who comes home after a long time away, to find answers, and solace, and instead, he gets to learn of his past, the struggles that he is still facing today, the depth of connection, and truth about love.
I love this play, and I believe it’s destined for greatness, however misguided that it may seem…
Not through some talent, or wit, or connections, but of the sheer desire to learn, give, and grow.
I’m going to learn up the skills, I am bound to get feedback, and I am going to push, and to make it all happen, one way or another…
Because I have a goal, a desire to heal, and a need to help others, to show journey of hope, and love, and forgiveness.
I don’t believe in myself today, but I believe where I’m going.
And that’s what I say to you:
Believe in yourself, my friend, not in the you and where you are today, but in you, and where that you is going to be TOMORROW.
Please know – I believe in you, your dreams, your hopes, your desires!
And I want to be there with you, right now, on this journey, so join me today on my podcast for more on finding the strength on how to believe in you:If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #93 – Believe in Yourself appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
For years, I felt a part of me missing.
But it wasn’t gone, only buried – in hurt, anguish, and shame.
And to let it come out wasn’t easy, but it’s helping me find my own self.
My true, authentic being, represented by different parts, times, hopes, hurts, and joys, it’s what making you who you are, deep, on the inside!
But the journey to find your true self isn’t easy.
Find a thread, a through line, connect – can take years!
At least, it’s my road, path that I took alone…
But you’re here, and you are on your journey, and you are one of us who is taking the road towards healing.
And if right now you’re trying to reconnect with a part of you, part that is hurt, or maybe forgotten, or frozen in time, then know this:
The very act of seeking clarity is moving you closer to living a happier, more purposeful life.
I’m here for you, my friend, and let’s figure this out together.
This week, I’m sharing what’s helping me on my journey, from hurt towards healing.
No one has all the answers – all we can do is ask.
Ask questions, connect, to grow, and allowing yourself to feel:
To feel more alive, more joyful, more open, more angry – TO FEEL
Allowing yourself to heal might be the single most courageous act you can take when you’re a survivor.
You lived through the tough times – you know what they are.
You have suffered, and struggled, and tried to get up, only to fall down, again…
And yet, here you stand!
One of us, who is doing their best, and to lead a good live, and I am here, and I honour your journey!
This week – how to find your true self beyond trauma:If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #92 – Find Your True Self After Trauma appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
We often talk about stories we see and we hear, forgetting the story that matters the most:
The story you tell yourself.
These stories aren’t true – we’re making them up, so you might as well make it a good one:
The story in which you survive, and you change, and you find your way to keep going.
Because you are not your trauma, and you are never alone!
We are here, with you, by your side – the people who know what it’s like to suffer.
We stand here, reminder that no matter what, please hold on to hope, hope that things change, that they turn…
For the better.
And this week we go into life story and how it can change:If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #91 – You are Not Your Trauma appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
If you’re in a rush to wrap up this year, to unwind, and go next – friend, I’m cheering you on!
It’s what you deserve – to feel at your best, to feel you achieved, and find yourself in the right place…
The place you’re READY to hope, and dream, to connect with your purpose.
Finding this place of strength is setting you up to win next year!
So whether this flew by, or drag on, take these ten minutes with me to reflect on your year:
I will be talking you through simple ways to finish this year with hope:If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #90 – Ending The Year With Hope appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
Maybe you don’t think you’re an artist.
And I get it – you might not feel so creative right now, you don’t have the tools, or the time…
But here’s the truth:
You are a survivor.
And even if you don’t define what you lived through as trauma, you have seen the struggle…
Be it in your life, the one that you love, it is a part of the life that we live.
You’re here, in this world, today because you have found ways to be at your best, fall down, to get up, and keep going!
This – it takes courage, and guts, and most of all, to create:
We live our life story, it’s how we communicate, whether it’s conscious or something you do in the spur of the moment!
The power of story is that this story can change, and only you can decide – which way does it go?
What path will reveal itself as you try to figure things out?
The artist in you will determine the story you tell to yourself, the story that you share with others, so…
You might then as well make it YOU – the one who survived and deserves to be happy!
Unleashing the Artist within you, today, so that you can dream, and hope, make plans for the future!
I want to share some ideas that helped me in my journey to heal in the podcast:If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #89 – Embrace the Artist Within You appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
Life works in a mysterious way…
Or so it does seem for me – especially when you stumble upon something so vital it changes your life in an instant.
I’m flat, stretched out, like fish on the ocean floor.
Only I can’t go up.
Because there’s nothing there, is it?
Not even light.
I have not seen light for days.
Days that add up to years.
That’s how many days have I lived in those sixteen long years?
Not seen or have witnessed, but lived…
What is it like – to live?
Is this what I’m doing right now – living?
If I want to live, this life – it’s better be worth living.
And what if, maybe, things changed since the last time I’ve seen them?
I better go see, for myself.
Shoes, I need shoes, put them on, and start walking.
I walk on the street, the lighting is harsh, off white.
I’m dragging my feet, don’t know where they’ll take me.
And there’s a patch of grass, too small for a name, but big enough for a bench.
The bench is free, and I claim it.
I am looking, and then…
Stop.
I feel the wind, rustling and gentle.
The tree, lonely, but proud, stretching itself upward.
I see blades of grass, every one, and how the sun falls, and glisten…
And now the world is but one, a myriad parts, an infinite life, in so many ways, possibility.
United as one, and I am a part.
One part, of something – GREATER.
It is a beautiful thing, the most glorious one in existence!
Why wasn’t I told??
Is this how it’s going to stay – present, now, joyous, not overwhelming, but here to belong.
The moment is wearing away as soon as I start thinking…
But this moment, my life changed.
I know – there’s hope, there’s beauty, there’s love.
Possibility, and I have been through the door.
This moment, I come back to because it’s always kept me to go, and live, to do what I can:
No matter what you have been through, you are enough.
Enough to live, love and heal.
And I’m here. For you.
You deserve the world, my friend!!
This life is worth living as best we can, know how, and we can figure things out.
For more, check out this link for the podcast on living this life for you, towards light, to be happy:If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #88 – How To Make Life Worth Living appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
When we’re hurt through life, we do not always seek the support that will help heal.
In my case, it’s because I was scared of facing the past, scared the damage is done, scared of uncertainty that it brings.
Life was often a struggle, and I didn’t know any better…
But I sure do now!
We all have this incredible capacity to heal, give and grow, despite struggle and circumstance.
For all of us that have suffered, healing is we DESERVE.
So the message I carry today is:
Please do not wait to heal, act now.
The conversation I share with you today is with the brilliant therapist Michael Burge.Michael is the Director of the Australian College of Trauma Treatment, and has been awarded the Order of Australia Medal for service to psychology, and to the community for developing treatment for trauma.If there’s anything that speaks to you in this episode that speaks to you in this episode, please share it with 3 people you know!Because you know who might need to hear this – TODAY.If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #87 – Healing From Trauma: a conversation with Michael Burge appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
Most of my life, I did not dare to dream. Life happened, and I scrambled after it. Good things, god awful things, and you simply hang in there, hope things work out… But there may be a time when you hit the wall: For me, it was when my first relationship broke. She left me […]
The post #86 – Embrace The Dreamer Inside You appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
The weird thing about being Alive in the moment is… It kind of sneaks up on you, doesn’t it? You’re doing the stupidest thing, and then – BOOM! You’re there, and it feels good, so good to be right here, right now… And then you surprise yourself: One summer ago, I wake early. The heat […]
The post #85 – How To Be Authentic appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
When you feel good, this moment, today, it’s because you attach MEANING to it. And it is a choice, isn’t it? You decide what’s important, what it is you believe in, right now. Every moment, you choose, and that gives you one simple power: To find JOY. The time when you win – this is life as […]
The post #84 – How To Feel Fulfilled appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
I just heard a stunning definition of trauma from Dr Gabor Mate – it’s not the event itself that is trauma, but the psychic wound. The event can’t be changed, but healing the wound we can do right now. Because trauma can heal – and I wanted to hear that, we all do… And it […]
The post #83 – What You Do When You Get Screwed Over appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
The only time I feel a failure is when I compare myself to others. Isn’t it weird?? Life seems to be going along just fine… Until you’re struck with a vision of some success that might not even real – a happy snap, a random comment, a sideward glance when you get your coffee… It’s […]
The post #82 – How To Avoid Comparing Yourself To Others appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
Where should we be the strongest in times of struggle? Home – that should be the place of solace and comfort, the place to heal. You want your partner, your loved one, your friend: To be there for you, and support you, help you get up… But is that always the case? Not for me, […]
The post #81 – When You Feel Alone In A Relationship appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
My friend I wish life was fair, just and made sense, but it doesn’t always feel that way, does it? Bad things happen to good people, often without explanation, and we struggle with that: Because you want to live well, free of guilt, to dream, and believe in yourself! This is why it’s vital to […]
The post #80 – How To Stop Overthinking appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
Positivity still gets a bad rap in the media, but don’t we all need it now more than ever?! In this age of division, when there is so much negativity and change, we’ve got to find ways to keep going… Despite the trouble and the uncertainty when you’re expected to bitch and moan and complain […]
The post #79 – The Power of Positive Influence appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
There’s this weird thing that happens when you make a friend: It’s a moment of trust – when you let them into your world. Maybe you invite them over, or suggest you do something together, that first step, it’s crucial. Looking back, I find it hard to pinpoint those moments when people that I’m holding […]
The post #78 – Making Friends in this Age of Loneliness appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
Can you find love, peace, or happiness if you don’t feel you deserve? Maybe, but it will likely be that much harder! Why? Because we tend to go for things that seem within reach. And if you don’t feel it’s real, if you don’t believe it attainable, if you don’t feel you’re ready, equipped or […]
The post #77 – Feeling That You Deserve appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
We all talk to ourselves. That’s not weird, right? It is something you do, every day, and while some days are better than others, there’s often a pattern: What you say to yourself, it’s something that helps you, pulls you up, and it gives you the hope for the future, or it’s harsh, full […]
The post #76 – The Path Towards Self-Acceptance appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
Some people are happy – and some are not… Why is that? Maybe sometimes we look towards the things that went wrong, or you might be missing… Instead, what if make more time looking for things we treasure, the people we can’t live without? Moments that make you laugh, odd things that bring out memories, […]
The post #75 – How To Feel Worthy of Happiness appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
You know what’s worse than being scared? It’s when you feel numb – NOTHING. I look back to when I’m outside the urologist’s office, rain beating across the face. In my hands are the papers with proof of the cancer inside me. The inside is empty, and things won’t ever be the same again. This […]
The post #74 – How To Find Inner Peace In The Chaos Around You appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
I used to smoke. Would you believe it? It might be crazy today, but it was easy back then… Back when I was invincible. Or so I thought – and cancer, well, it was only something that happens to “other people”. And living healthy never made sense – because it wasn’t for me, I didn’t […]
The post #73 – How To Live Healthy For You appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
If I were to sum up being a teenager, in a word – clueless. No idea what about anything, but especially about love. I fell in and out of feelings until the one time that became long term… Five and a half years later, she left and I was alone, more lost than I was […]
The post #72 – Find Clarity in Your Love Life appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
The first thing that hits you when life takes a turn is, why me?? What have I done to deserve this? Will things ever go back to the way they were? These questions they come for you, as they did for me: Standing outside the urologist’s, scans in hand to show cancer inside my body. […]
The post #71 – Making Sense of the Unexpected appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
Sometimes life presents you with a choice, sometimes you have to make one. For me, it was exactly one decade into coding: I reached a point when it was no longer fun, and so I went back to study at night, wanting to figure things out… Honestly I had no idea what I was doing…Countless […]
The post #70 – Taking Next Step In Your Career appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
I don’t know about you, but it’s kind of hard to stay positive… Even though you want to, there’s always something that JUMPS out of nowhere, and you’ve got to deal with it!! That’s true of negative emotions that tend to sneak up on you – like guilt. Just the other day, I asked my […]
The post #69 – How To Break Free From Guilt appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
My friend, what does creativity mean to you? Me, I thought creative = being artistic, but… Nothing could be further from truth. In fact, it is an excuse for being lazy. Years I lounged around waiting for the creative muse to strike me: So you go on with life until there is an urge to […]
The post #68 – Unleash Your Creative Power appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
Your dream – honestly, is it worth? It’s the question I ask myself because my dream to impact millions of people through my work, it is HARD. Some days – like today – you run around doing a million things feeling nothing gets done… And it’s by no means a question of intent, but clarity […]
The post #67 – How To Push On With Your Dream When Things Aren’t Going Your Way appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
Do you ever say to yourself – why am I not already having that at this point of my life?? I know I do, and it’s not a good feeling! It’s like admitting that something is wrong, but is it, really? Doubt raises its ugly head when you’re going for new, creating and being your […]
The post #66 – How To Live In The Moment When You’re Struggling With Doubt appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
Tell me – what’s the one thing that is worse than locking horns with your spouse or loved one? It’s the torrent of anger and scorn that builds up inside you afterwards… It is the most destructive, negative state imaginable in a relationship, don’t you think? Because you get so caught up in the heat […]
The post #65 – How Conflict Can Make Your Relationships Stronger appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
The moment pandemic hit, I could not take my eyes off the news. The number of deaths, the restrictions, the sheer helplessness of it all… Glued to my phone, I kept switching from one source to another, like some guilt edged secret: Because inside, you know that the negative influence is doing you damage. But […]
The post #64 – How To Keep Out Negative Influence appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
Do you remember the first time that you made a friend? You made memories together, and this friend, they made you feel right, like your true authentic yourself – recognised, not forgotten. For me, it’s Andriy and Yurchik my best mates from school in Ukraine. As founders of our very own Secret Mischief Society, we […]
The post #63 – What Friends Are For And Where To Find Them appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
Trust – it seemingly comes out of nowhere, but it’s easy to lose, and you know when it’s gone. It’s a feeling, and you can always know if it’s there, or not… We could ever survive without trust: There can be no real friendship, no allies, no true love… Most important, it’s the trust in […]
The post #62 – How To Build Trust Without Trying appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
What’s the first thing that disappears from our life in the face of uncertainty? It’s our ability to make plans. Because it’s hard to focus, to predict how things might turn out, and have confidence about moving your life forward… This is why it is absolutely vital to counter this directly – to make bold […]
The post #61 – Get Clarity About The Future You Want Today appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
When Olya and I started dating, I wasn’t sure what she’d think of my panic attacks. This isn’t a part of anyone’s wish list – and so I kept it to myself only to realise it was hurting me. This is what makes living with anxiety so exhausting – you are hard at work keeping […]
The post #60 – When Your Secrets Are Holding You Back appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
This – by far the most uncomfortable moment I had at work, ever. And a powerful lesson, of sorts… This was a time when the Y2K bubble burst and the job market for software went dead. And I mean dead, absolutely was nothing – only gig I could salvage in 18 months was a base […]
The post #59 – How To Feel Joyous and More Alive When You’re Busy appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
If you find yourself lost and not sure what to do, it’s a tough place to be… You jump from one thing to another to get answers, and it gets frustrating because it doesn’t add up and the answers won’t fit. And I can tell you why: For the entirety of our lives, we are […]
The post #58 – How To Make Sense of Life appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
Every day I wake up and drive to this reserve out in the bush.
It’s peaceful, it’s nature, I love it there, but on the way, I see people go to the post office, walking their dogs, rushing to work, chat as they go to school…
The rush of life:
We’re all different, at diverging points of our lives, we come from different walks of life, and yet…
The struggles that we share are often the same.
You want to be heard, to be recognised, to find your own through life, to be understood, to get on top of worry and problems you run into each day…
It’s not easy – if it was, we’d all live happily ever after.
It takes courage, commitment to make sense of what is going on, to keep going, to find your path forward.
But it is easier when you know that you’re not alone.
It may not always feel this way, and so I want to remind you:
Know this – in the darkest times, you are not alone!
We are here, for you, with you, because just like you, we struggle, in some way, today or tomorrow, and without one trace of doubt…
We’re in this together!!
We will get through the tough times by being there for each other because that is the only way.
Especially if you are going through change and need strength to hold on – I am sharing five key ideas to help you do that on this week’s episode of The Happy YOU:
If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #57 – Find Strength Through Change appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
She broke up with me over the phone. It’s easier – she said it’s not working, and we can still be friends. It didn’t seem real, not after five years, and yet, it was inevitable. Sometimes you don’t want to see what’s right in front of you, hoping that it will go away… It never does, only comes back to bite you. I don’t what stung more: Her leaving me for another man, or me being too scared to end it when I knew she cheated? We all this one moment of betrayal, this one foul twist of fate, one moment that trust was ruined for good, the one heinous deed that leaves a scar… Or maybe, it still hurts, but the worst part is… You lose trust in people. Not only in that person and what they did it to you, but somehow, drags the rest of the world down with it… And so we let the opportunity pass as by, we let good friends go without ever taking the chance to properly them, we let new experiences sail by unexplored, we dismiss the best of new ideas like scrap… All because of the one anomaly, the freak, one outlier destroy one hundred acts of beauty, of kindness, of true grit and selflessness… Because good deeds and great people and and true things, they are everywhere and they outnumber the rest – by a long shot! So why do we give them so much focus, attention they don’t deserve?! We must turn it around – for the sake of fairness and our own sense of deserving, to be happy, enough and belong. On how we can start trusting again, in people and the actions we take, check out this week’s episode of The Happy YOU:
If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #56 – Believe In People And Believe In You appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
Clarity begins and ends with you, today! I know I’m going to get slammed for this, but:
In every challenge you face, when the raft of life tips you over the side and you’re gasping for air, trying to stay afloat…
It’s no use to think of what’s fair and what isn’t, and it is of no help to make plans for the future, but to make sense of this moment, today.
To figure out what makes sense for you and your way of life because more clarity helps you put aside rumination and fee tense.
More clarity gives you the headspace you want to be more creative and spontaneous.
When you find a greater clarity in the this moment and time, you’re going to be more present, more engaged because your mind is not cluttered with worry.
With clarity, you make time for the things you love, with people that you care about the most. And you feel like you have more to give, don’t you? When you have that sense of having things under control, you have more room to make an impact and hep others.
But finding clarity can be hard – especially when you’re going through a challenging time and you’re trying your best to keep up and keep going…
So if we don’t seek clarity, we feel stuck and end up waiting for the situation to resolve or stumble upon insight by chance!
Trouble is, it can take a looong time, and when you do, then it’s already too late?
No, we must seek clarity NOW, to get answers, and do it fast because you already have all the answers inside of you, and it’s only a matter of drawing them out.
To help you do that, I want to take you through five ways to get clarity in your life today on this week’s episode of The Happy YOU:
If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #55 – Five Ways To Get Clarity appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
You’re supposed to feel excited before the date, but the strongest feeling that I ever was the urge to run away.
Every time it was the same, especially when when I turned up at that speed dating night.
You walk in and see the lights, you look at people around you, and feel like a fraud.
They’re here for reason, they’re normal, and who am I?
What am I doing here – only to make a fool of myself, again…
Who am I, expecting something, anything, to go my way…
And what is it that I want, really?
To give love, and be loved in return:
I want it, and I want to give, so how that can ever be wrong?
Don’t we all deserve to be happy, to be loved, cherished and celebrated for who we are on the inside?
So what if there are always those parts of you that worry, and question, and doubt?
That’s ok, they are there for a reason – to remind you that you’re worth it, that your choices need to be deliberate, and that the only way to go is…
Forward!
That is the only way.
And in that moment, at speed dating, I made the choice to stay, and show up at my best.
It didn’t work out then, but it was but one turn in the chain of events where each time I made a choice to keep going, and it brought me to love.
Feeling enough – it is crucial, in your work, with your loved ones, and in your hopes and your dreams, but…
It’s not always easy – so let me go there with you this week on The Happy YOU!
Our focus in this week’s episode is Living Proof You’re ENOUGH:
If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #54 – Living Proof You’re Enough appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
What often hits you the most isn’t the change itself, but the impact you notice when you go back to your daily life.
Because when it Is in the act of unfolding, you’re just doing your best to get through it, to survive…
For me, it was when I got my first all clear:
With relief, I went back to work, my family, the daily life.
I could not settle in, and deep on the inside, I knew that something was missing.
On the surface, nothing has changed – I kept doing the same things I’ve always done…
So why does it feel so wrong?!
I could not figure it out – until I saw myself from the outside:
Cancer turns your life inside out, it changes your body, how you think about the future, even the way you feel on the inside…
This change is dramatic, and doing the same things you have always done is never going to fit!
If your sense of self has gone through a transformation, then you want to change what you do, right?
Because when you do align what you do each day, it will support you in going through life’s inevitable struggles, and giving you the confidence and the support you need to fulfil your most sacred hopes and aspirations.
I get it, my friend – more change is the last thing you want because you have suffered and you pushed yourself far beyond…
But I want to share with you three ideas to help you feel more connected, reinvigorated, more alive!
These will serve to bring you in line with the person that you are today so you can lead a happier, more fulfilled life that you truly deserve!
Tune in to this week’s episode of The Happy YOU for more on how to move forward in life even when you’re exhausted:
If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #53 – If You Feel Demotivated And Too Tired To Care appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
Why are some people better at coping with struggles they face through life?
It’s true, isn’t…
Some people just seem to handle it better, to keep going even when it all seems so hopeless, but – how?!
What makes them special?
Is this some kind of luck or circumstance?
I don’t know about you, but when I look back at my own struggles, from losing my first job to the bout of depression to the time my cancer came back…
They all seem so different, and there is only one thing they have in common:
ME!
Despite all the troubles, and no good reasons to hold on to hope, I found a way through, and I am still here.
So are you, my friend – you kept going and survived despite the craziness that goes on around you, with no special gifts or powers or even luck.
In some way, it’s liberating that in the face of life’s struggles, we are all equal.
And even if each situation you face is unlike the other, you are the only constant – and everything else keeps changing and shifting like sand…
And if you can’t change the situation you find yourself in, there is only one thing to do:
Change the way that you look at it.
Find your way to make peace with it, not because it is easy or because you’re ok with it, but because you want to let go.
And even if it seems if there is no hope in sight, those struggles that you have survived have proven you this:
You are strong, you are resilient, you can figure things out, and keep going!!
And hold onto hope that no matter how crazy it gets, things can, and do, change.
For the better!
For more on living with hope, check out this week’s show:
If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #52 – How To Be Hopeful When There Is No Hope In Sight appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
It’s what I saw in their faces – smiles, joy – that simply blew me away. That day at the hospital it was crazy: The waiting, the rush, the needle and we are on the emergency caesarean… Seeing our son come into the world = MIRACLE. You forget everything – but I couldn’t help notice the people working their magic: The smiles, the joy, the absolute reassurance we got from the doctors who got us through was nothing short of AMAZING. True, you could you say it’s their job, but… It’s a beautiful thing to bring life into this world! And so the same is true of ideas. Like life, these do not materialise into the world alone. Even the best ideas need guidance, support and a community in order to come to life. And when you have the desire, that dream, to make things happen… You – you become the catalyst. To fuse together the parts into one whole. It need not be epic, but it must be a CHANGE: It’s a beautiful feeling to bring new things to life,
To bring people together, give them hope, help them thrive,
You will take the world better, but you can’t go alone,
And when we are united, we grow skillful and we are strong!
First, you must have desire and the will to make change,
Then, you bring home the vision so it doesn’t seem strange,
Now, you rally the people, and make them run the show,
So that they feel empowered to explore and to grow,
To be there for each other and to make change as one,
To make plans, to be hopeful, share the love and have fun,
As you carry the hope and you keep dreams alive,
You are making things happen – give yourself a high five!
The catalyst – for without you, there is no room for change True change does not come from a place where something is lacking… This change comes from a place of being ENOUGH. Because no matter what you been through, you are enough to be loved, to have impact and respect you so richly deserve! But it doesn’t come easy – so how do you find the courage to pull it off? This is the subject of this week’s episode on my personal growth podcast called The Happy YOU where I take you through my four step process to make change in a sustainable way to make greater impact and connect with those who share your values:
If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #51 – How To Make Meaningful Change appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
There is no getting away from it – finding courage is never easy. But find it we must! So we begin with this poem I wrote for you: Now: a pivotal moment, time when you need to act,
To bring out the courage, to be calm and exact,
It’s the choice to move forward, or to leave with regret,
It is your path to greatness, but you must not forget:
It will never easy, but you still make a stand,
Stand for what you believe in, what you will and command,
So you live through your values, how you want things to be,
It’s your dream for the future, when you’re going to be free…
From doubt and stay true… To you! And when you don’t find the courage you need, you end up with regret. As I was telling you on this week’s episode of The Happy YOU, these three things will help you bring out courage from the inside and into your life at a time when you need it most: By the way, if you are new to my world, The Happy YOU is my podcast in personal growth – in 15 minutes a week, we make a step forward towards leading a happier, more fulfilled life if you have lived through the struggle. This week, we talk about COURAGE.
Because you don’t wake up in the morning wanting to be courageous: No, it is the last resort – and we need to know that because it’s all too see to put this pressure on yourself to have it all figured out and ready for anything… This is not how real life is! Especially when you have seen your fair share of trouble… So I want to ask you this:
Where in your life do you need to be courageous today? Please take a moment to consider this because it matters – we all those situations that we must face and live through with courage. If you know what this is for you, then I am here to remind you: YOU ARE ENOUGH. You are strong, you are resourceful, you have prevailed and you can figure things out! Take care, my friend, you’ve got this! Do not forget: no matter how hard it gets, hold on to hope that things can, and do, CHANGE. For the better!
If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #50 – Find Courage When You Need It Most appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
Do you sometimes feel out of time, out of place?
It always happens when I get an idea for a project, and then pitch it, but it doesn’t take off, and I end up cross and resentful.
The worst part about it is you blame yourself, and doubting the things you said or done…
My friend, it’s not you, and there is not one thing wrong with you, quite the opposite – everything is RIGHT WITH YOU!
The problem is, your best intentions and the hopes you have stay hidden, so out of sight even you might miss them at times with all the craziness that is around in our world today…
But when you let your true self loose out in the world to seek a better life, a good life where you are not walled in with your worries, but out there doing what feels right for you and helps others, this is when things start to change.
When you direct your focus away from worry towards a purposeful life, you feel like you BELONG.
I guess what I’m trying to say is:
*When you look back on your life, what will you feel inside:
Will you sulk, be regretful, or fill your heart with pride?
We are born to take chances, lead a purposeful life,
When you give, you make meaning and keep our dreams alive,
It’s the journey you take to make sense of it all,
When you’re no longer one, but one part of a whole,
To create what you’re proud of, to bring courage and hope,
Support someone in struggle, show them love, help them cope,
There is nothing to lose when you’re on the right track,
Because when you go forward you don’t need to look back,
To find you BELONG* And from Simplify Cancer Podcast to my latest book “Finding Hope in Times of Uncertainty: A Guide to Thriving in the Challenging World of Today” to my coaching work, I find it ever so humbling to shine a light on the person who seeks a better future. This is inspiring to me, my friend, your commitment to living the life you deserve!
But where do you begin and how do you keep it up in a way that makes sense to you, and your way of life?
I believe it comes down to three simple things that you can make work for you in a sustainable way – and I walk you right through it in the latest episode of The Happy YOU podcast:
If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #49 – How To Live With Purpose appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
This birthday I woke up expecting a busy day on the phone, but as the day went on, nobody called.
A few times I checked to see if the phone was even on…
It’s kind of sad and made me feel like a loser, but it did make me wonder:
What’s going on? How did I lose touch with so many people without even realising it?!
Not pointing the finger here – we all have so much that is going on, but it just goes to show:
If you don’t put in the effort, they’re gone.
But really, is it any wonder?
If you want your career to shoot up, or your business to grow, that requires consistent effort.
And if getting good at tennis or golf takes practice and lots of it, then why not apply the same to key relationships with people in your life?
I’ve been trying to show up with my friends ever since, make sure to call and catch up even when there’s a lot going on, and you know what?
It’s paying off – we’re the closest we’ve ever been, and it feels good to know there’s always someone who’s got your back…
Because you know how life is, things get out of control and you need someone in your corner looking out for you!
I put it in rhyme for you:
*Every person you bond with is your ally for life,
But to keep the spark going we must keep it alive,
It’s a skill that you practice when you listen and care,
Or you risk losing touch – so it’s vital to share,
What is honest and true, show your passion, direct,
When you give full attention, you bring trust and respect,
To accept or embrace: the lines have been blurred,
For if you cannot listen, you will never be heard,
If you can, find one reason – why should you stay in touch?
Since we all get so busy and the past won’t mean much,
Above all, we want kindness to be seen as we are,
To be loved, to be cherished, to shine bright, like a star,
Because no one is perfect and we all want a chance,
To keep hold of each other, in this beautiful dance
Of life, because no one should go through life alone… So light your spark today!*
If you never seen me read, check out the quick post right here, but honestly…So how do you keep that spark going? I have a few simple ideas that you probably know, but the question is – are you doing it?
If you are serious about the key people in your life, then please take this moment to listen on how to light up the spark in five simple ideas to stay close with people that you care about the most:
If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #48 – How To Feel More Connected appeared first on Power To Be Happy.
Do you ever feel that what’s going on right now is just too much to deal with?
And no matter how hard you try, things just don’t seem to change…
And there is no end to it so that sometimes it feels as if nothing is up to you, so you might as well not even try.
It’s tough, my friend.
We wish life was easy, but it keeps throwing up curveballs when you least expect it…
So what do you do?
Wait for things to change? We know that won’t happen – rarely does so, if ever…No, we must ACT NOW, to take back control: not of the world because it’s messy and complicated, not of other people because we know they don’t change, but of what is within our reach:
Thoughts, feelings, what you do every day, the ideas you take on, how you think of yourself…
This is putting YOU first, to make you feel in charge again, to feel like you belong, writing your story the way it is meant to be!
It’s a very creative and fulfilling process – and the subject of this week’s show on The Happy YOU!
Come on closer, my friend, get in here, get yourself comfortable and tune in to make more room in your life for the things you want:
P.S. There is a poem to go with it – and a video of yours truly reading it:
*Life is full of surprises and they all seem so strange,
There is so much to do and it’s hard to make change,
You may feel lost and helpless – it’s no good for the soul,
This is when it is crucial to take back your control,
Take what’s rightfully yours – feelings, thoughts, what you do every day,
And you make them work for you to keep you well away
From worry and direct them towards hope
That things can and do change*
If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:
The post #47 – How To Take Back Control So You Can Move Forward With Purpose appeared first on Power To Be Happy.