Loving On Purpose: Recent Episodes
Bonnie Lyman
If you want to know what is getting in the way of improving your relationship with your adult children, in this podcast I will teach what the real problem is keeping you from accomplishing this goal. I am the mother of five children and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I know the struggle that comes with navigating a relationship with an adult child. I have learned how to choose to love my children exactly the way they are.
The most dreaded day of the year for many Mothers. My heart goes out to those who could never be a mother whether it be from not getting married to infertility problems.
Any enjoyment we get from life is generated by our thoughts. What thoughts we think and choose to hang on to bring us pleasure or pain. If we have a disappointing Mother's Day, it's all because of disappointing thoughts we choose to believe are true. Listen to this episode to learn what your responsibility is in having an enjoyable Mother's Day.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
Have you given up hope on actualizing a better relationship with an adult child?
This episode is for YOU! Our biggest roadblock is not being willing to wait for them to want a connection with us. And it does happen. I share an experience in my own life where after three years of a non-existent relationship with one of my children we are speaking and connecting with each other in a way I never dreamed possible. I talk about in this episode why it's important to wait for your children to change their behavior, on their timeline, and how to wait without feeling hopeless.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
Are you feeling unimportant because your child don't call you or invite you out to dinner? Are you frustrated because you always have to reach out to them? Are you disappointed on your birthday because they didn't plan a celebration for you? Are you already dreading Mother's Day? If your answer was yes to any of these questions, this podcast is for you. I discuss how to remedy these concerns. I help you understand what the real problem is in not living the life you thought you would be living and how to create a life you wish you were living.
My daughter Natalie Clay, a marriage Life Coach, is offering a free class on Thursday, April 11, 2024 at 6:00pm PDT called DISAGREE WITHOUT ARGUING. Even though it is focused toward couples it is easily applied to how to disagree without arguing with adult children.
Click Here to register. You need to register to have access to the replay.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
I'm interviewing my good friend Kurt Francom who is the founder and executive director of the non-profit organization , Leading Saints. He also has a weekly podcast by the same name, which I highly recommend. His mission is to help us become better leaders whether it's in a church position or as a leader of a family. His podcast covers a various range of topics. Today I'm interviewing him about his newly published book, "IS GOD DISAPPOINTED IN ME? Removing Shame from a Gospel of Grace.". We discuss how really understanding how much God loves us helps us be better parents. We talk about why we don't need to worry about the disappointing actions of our children in relation to their standing with God. I think you will find this episode enlightening but even more inspiring is his book.Click here to order the book. It is available in paperback, audio, and Kindle versions.
To learn more about his organization and to get access to a library full of helps on topics of controversial nature that may be pertinent to some of the issues families struggle with regarding their adult children, click here to go to his website.
To listen to his podcast, click here.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
What you think is the problem between you and your adult children is probably not what you think it is. We were raised to believe that the way they behave toward us causes us to feel a certain way. If they have very little contact with us, we may feel we are unimportant to them. Their behavior is the circumstance. Circumstances are neutral. They are the actual facts about the situation. The circumstance causes us to have certain thoughts. These thoughts cause us to feel in a certain way. Knowing the cause of our problems (our thoughts not our children's behavior) is they key to feeling the emotion you want to feel, in any situation, by managing our thoughts. Listen to this episode to hear true stories of how to make this happen in your life.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
Isn't it great when all of your family members can gather together? We all have different opinions as to why or maybe even why not. I am sharing some of my observations in navigating life with adult children of how different topics of information are shared depending on what makes up the family gatherings. In this episode I discuss what I found happens to me and my involvement and interaction with my children in an entire group gathering; a single family event; only my adult children getting together with us (no grandchildren); when we meet with one of our children and their spouse; what it's like for us when we meet singly with one of our children. Each situation creates a different result. Listen to decide what works for you.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
Many of us had expectations of when we had adult children what life would be like. We thought we would be involved in their lives. When this expectation or need is not fulfilled we often feel unimportant and unloved. As an adult, we are responsible for fulfilling our own needs. One way to accomplish that is to spend more time with friends.
We are fulfilling our own needs by finding like minded people to associate with. It is not our children's responsibility to fulfill our needs. They don't OWE us anything. In this episode I talk about why our children possibly aren't helping fulfill our needs and five benefits to having friends to fulfill our need to love and be loved.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
All of us have people in our lives that we dislike. It seems especially painful when we dislike and finally own that we really don't like one our adult children. Sometimes we try to move too fast out of feeling this way instead of "being" with this emotion for a while. In this episode I tell of reasons some of my clients have chosen to dislike their children, why it’s owning our thoughts are causing this feeling, and not the circumstance of our children's behavior, and some remedies, some new thoughts to start “trying on” to find peace with your feelings about your adult children.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
The freedom to be free of non-serving emotions, feelings that don't help us live emotionally healthy lives, can happen in our lives when we are trained in how to have thoughts that empower us and give us permission to be ourselves. First, we need to let go of the thought that we feel we need approval in order to like ourselves. Second, we need to quit being the victim to what's happening in our lives and starting creating the life we want to live by managing our thoughts. I call this the practice of emotional self-care. In this episode I give you suggestions on how to implement some thoughts to free you to be free from what's holding you back from living a happy life.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
Our relationship with our spouse is probably the relationship we should be spending the most time strengthening. I believe families can be together forever, even after we die. But I have millions of ancestors and could potentially have millions of predecessors so that seems like a bigger gathering than I can imagine. But I can wrap my mind around being with my husband forever. We worry about being with our children for eternity because of some of their behaviors. But what about my behavior toward my husband isn showing him love, kindness, and respect? Could I be better? Both relationships are important but I believe that if I work at managing my thoughts around my husband, if I practice being the person I want to be around my husband, it then transfers to how I treat everyone. Love is always the best choice.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
Do you fear your adult children may cut you off from having any contact with their family and your grandchildren if you disappoint them? Feeling this way does not help in building a good relationship with them. And feeling fearful is one of the worst feelings to feel. In this episode I give reasons why we have this fear, how this feeling is causing you to live in scarcity and six suggestions on how to stop having this fear.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
It's wonderful all the adult opinions there are out there in the world. When we collaborate we have come up with some amazing creations, inventions, advancements in medicine and technology. But we humans often struggle in our relationships when our opinions differ. This episode is about when we disappoint our children by a decision we have made and what we can do to have the confidence in ourselves to move forward. It explains why we can't make them feel better about our decision but what we can do to find peace in a contentious situation.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
We are the creators of our experiences in our lives. If you don't like the results of the circumstances or happenings in your life, you can change them by changing how you want to feel, or contribute, or be in response to your circumstances. We can't change our circumstances, we can't change how our adult children act around us, but we can change how we respond to their actions and this controls what kind of result we have in our life in regard to any specific circumstance. The circumstance does not determine the results of the life we live; it's our response, our actions, our thoughts that determine whether we like or dislike the experience we having.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
I share in this episode three stories of past clients who loved their estranged children enough to wait until their children were ready to heal the relationship. I recieved three emails within a month from these past clients exclaiming their joy and gratitude to God for coming forth of their children indicating they wish to restore their relationships with their parents. Love always wins...again.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
What causes us to not always act like the kind, loving parent we want to be to our adult children? No. It's not because they are unkind and unloving. It's because you may think you are feeling love for your child but perhaps you're feeling resentful that they are unkind and unloving. Feeling resentful is going to cause you to show up as resentful....not kind and loving. Listen to this episode where I talk about what we need to do to act like the person we want to be. What you do is caused by how you feel. I explain in more detail in this episode what that statement means.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
We clean our houses more than we clean out our minds. When we practice getting rid of some of the harmful thoughts we hang onto in our minds we free ourselves to choose thoughts that serve us and help us to see things from a more beneficial perspective. When we clean out our minds we tend to not take things more personally. We tend to get more curious and less judgmental in our thoughts which results in us being closer to living the life we want to live.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
Not many parents talk about their relationships with their adult children especially if they are struggling in it. Nobody told us we would be expecting our needs would be met at this time in our lives by our involvement with our adult kids. No one told us that we are responsible for fulfilling our own needs, of finding our own happiness, not our children, not even our husbands. Just because we may not be included in our adult children's lives as much as we would like doesn't mean they love us less. Nothing has gone wrong; it's just different than we not only expected but were also hoping for. What do you want to do with your life now that your role as a parent has changed.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
Faith to me is knowing God conspirers in my favor. Faith is knowing that God knows what's best for us and has a plan to get His children back to Him. Faith causes me to not give up on my adult children. Faith is knowing what my responsibility is to my adult children and the most important is to stay out of God's business. Faith is knowing He loves them more than we do. Faith is knowing part of the plan is opposition.
David Bednar video "How Will I know Where I'll Go When I Die ?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mi31zXs-Ldk&t=2s
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
We know we judge others, especially our adult children, too often but we don't know how to stop. Even knowing that we don't like how we feel when we're judging them doesn't making us stop. We think we have some control over them living a happier life if we just help them see their weaknesses. But this is a little lie our brain tricks into thinking. In this episode you'll learn four suggestions on how to stop judging others.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
I can help people solve any problem with their adult child but that's not entirely true. The teachings of Jesus Christ show us the way to solve any problem. What I do is show people how to apply the teachings in their lives and where to start learning how to do that. Listen to this episode where I offer some scriptures that can be applied to choosing love, forgiveness and compassion rather than judgement.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
No excuses now. I offer you 100 ways you can show your adult children you love them even if they don't share their love back with you. Love is always a choice. Love just loves. Love will always feel best.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
This is a replay of a podcast I published a year ago but I felt it worth rebroadcasting it.
The most healthiest emotion we can have is gratitude. When we are thankful for all the good things in life we enjoy we have a better connection with God, with our family, and with ourselves. We live in abundance rather than scarcity. We realize we already have so much of what we want in life. Being grateful enables us to live a very satisfying life.
See full show notes and transcript HERE.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
Are there times you feel consumed by the thoughts ruminating in your head over how you're being treated by your adult children? And then these thoughts start impacting other relationships that are important to you. You feel miserable because you can't stop the thoughts and you feel like you could explode with resentment and disappointment. Listen to this episode to learn how to stop these negative thought cycles.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
Do you really want to show up at Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner when you know you're going to be emotionally abused? The better question to ask is do you know you have a choice? What is the reason you'd be going? Do you like your reason? I hope this episode will shed some light on the choices you have about being around anyone that is emotionally abusive to you. Love always wins but that doesn't mean you wear a sign that says"kick me" or "punch me." You are a child of God and you are important.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
We usually use the Model to get a result we want in our lives by focusing on the feeling we want to feel and change our thoughts to cause that feeling. In this episode I'm giving attention to the action line of the model and how changing our behavior by show gestures of love can give us the result of feeling more love that results in living a peaceful, well lived life. Love always wins....just every time.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
Our love may feel rejected by our adult children but that doesn't mean they don't love us. It's our expectation of a certain way they should be responding to our love that they are not living up to that causes us to feel they are rejecting our love. Whether it's not thanking us for a gift we gave them to not including us in their children's lives that may cause us to feel resentment and anger rather than love. But isn't that us, loving them conditionally? Listen to this episode to learn some ways to keep loving our children when we feel they are rejecting our love.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
I share some insights into what adult children commonly complain about their parents since they have become adults. You'll find from listening to this episode, it's many of the same complaints parents have about their adult children. I discuss 10 common complaints adult children have shared. I am not inferring that a struggling relationship is caused by the parents, but maybe you will learn some things that you could do to strengthen any relationship. Anything we can do to be part of the solution instead of the problem always helps us to feel love more often. Practicing choosing love over judgement is the most influential choice we can make to unconditionally loving our children. Unconditionally loving our children is the key to finding peace in our relationship with them.
References:
My Adult Child Won't Talk To Me
https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/06/my-adult-child-wont-talk-me/591274/#
Five Complaints Parents and Children Have About Each Other
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-the-lines/202104/five-complaints-parents-and-grown-kids-have-about-each-other
6 Sources of Tension Between Adult Children and Their Parents https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/202207/6-sources-tension-between-adult-children-and-their-parents
The Biggest Complaints Kids Have About Their Parents is....
http://www.tfcknoxville.com/psychology-blog/the-biggest-complaint-from-kids-about-their-parents-is
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
The cause of your painful relationship with an adult child may not be what you think it is? When we find out what it is, it's mind blowing. Because it's not their actions, but it's your thoughts about their actions that is causing you all your pain. The good news is that we can't change their actions but we can change our thoughts. It's learning that you are responsible for your feelings because you are the one thinking those thoughts. Also, part of being an adult is knowing that you are responsible for fulfilling your own needs...not your children. Tune in to find out some remedies for changing your thoughts that enables you to be the creator of the kind of life you want to live.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
Many of my clients wonder if their children are disrespectful to them because they failed in their child raising techniques. Unless a child was severely abused, how they were raised has nothing to do with how they treat their parents. Most of the time disrespectful children don't see themselves as being disrespectful. Whatever is happening, they see it from a different perspective. It's their feelings that cause them to act a certain way; they feel a certain way because of the thoughts they are thinking. If life is really hard for adult children, they are likely to have thoughts that cause them to have feelings that cause them to not show up as a respectful person. It has nothing to do with you because you have no power to make a person feel a certain way. Tune in to understand better why most of the time it's not a parent's fault if their child is disrespectful.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
We can't control or change how we want people to act in a relationship. Even with an out pouring of love, they still might not accept our love. But we can control our behavior and the kind of person we want to show up as in any relationship. Relationships with family members are always the most personal to us. Listen to this episode to learn what you can control in your contribution to a loving, kind relationship.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
Have you ever wondered why when you're hungry you are quicker to be offended by circumstances in your life? Have you noticed that sometimes when you are disappointed you sometimes don't have the energy to start a new task and the option to take a nap sounds pretty inviting. Our physical well being and our emotional well being are interconnected. One doesn't function at it's best if one of them is not healthy. The best news ever is that understanding that nobody is their best self when they are hurting emotionally or physically. This awareness can make a huge difference in understanding our adult children's and our own behavior. By listening to this episode you can learn to be more compassionate and less judgmental, which benefits not only others but compassion feels so much better than judging others.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a complimentary call with me to find out what the cause of your struggling relationship is with your adult child. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
Do you love yourself. Did you know you are thanking God for His greatest creations if you do? Did you know to unconditional love yourself reduces stress? Did you know it held you make better decisions. But the biggest benefit of all, it helps you love people that might be difficult to love. Unconditionally loving yourself means to love all of yourself....your strengths and your weaknesses . Listen to get some suggestions in how to love yourself unconditionally.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a call with me to find out how coaching can help you. I offer an 8 week coaching program where I help you practice seeing things from a perspective and thinking new thoughts that result in you living a more peaceful life with your adult children. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
Sometimes our heartbrokenness isn't over our relationship with an adult child but over unharmonious relationships between our adult children. It can have as much impact over us emotionally as a difficult relationship with a child. In this episode I speak to what your role is in such a circumstance and offer eight suggestions of what you can do to find peace in your life.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a call with me to find out how coaching can help you. I offer an 8 week coaching program where I help you practice seeing things from a perspective and thinking new thoughts that result in you living a more peaceful life with your adult children. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
What if you believe really hard that your relationship with your adult child could improve. Believing is the first step. When we really, really believe it can happen we change from having a despairing mindset to having a hopeful mindset. When we feel hope rather than despair we are motivated and determined to find opportunities to make it happen. Listen to this episode to hear 5 steps to having a better relationship with your adult children by first "believing fiercely".
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a call with me to find out how coaching can help you. I offer an 8 week coaching program where I help you practice seeing things from a perspective and thinking new thoughts that result in you living a more peaceful life with your adult children. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
Having a bank of empowering thoughts in our brain can't help us feel the feelings we want to feel more of the time. I keep five or so of these thoughts, (which now have become default thoughts because I have practiced thinking them so often) in the front of my brain that allows me to not let the hard things in my life get me down. I have a better understanding of why opposition is necessary. But when Mr. Opposition or Mrs. Judgmental or Miss Negative shows up, I process the emotion for a minute or two and then one of my 5 power thoughts comes to mind and I find I'm able to deal with situation because I'm in a more peaceful mindset. I hope this episode gives you some "food for thought".
If you want the transcript to this episode so that you have a list of these thoughts, click here.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a call with me to find out how coaching can help you. I offer an 8 week coaching program where I help you practice seeing things from a perspective and thinking new thoughts that result in you living a more peaceful life with your adult children. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
Do you deal with disrespectful adult children? After all we sacrificed for them!!!. In this episode I offer some suggestions as to why they are disrespectful; what are some boundaries we can set so we are not the perennial "punching bag"; and what actions we can take to influence them to change their behavior. We can't control or change them but maybe making some changes in our behavior can influence them to stop criticizing you, or withdrawing from you. We make changes in our behavior by choosing love over judgement. We choose by by having loving or compassionate or respectful thoughts.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a call with me to find out how coaching can help you. I offer an 8 week coaching program where I help you practice seeing things from a perspective and thinking new thoughts that result in you living a more peaceful life with your adult children. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
I get many of you asking what can I do to fill my time now that my children are raised that will be satisfying and fulfilling. Have you thought of volunteering? Some of you probably have but don't know where you to start. Listen to this episode to find out the benefits emotionally to volunteering, how to assess where you should volunteer, and also some specific places that need volunteers. One of the remedies I suggest to having a happy life when you are not spending as much time as you thought you would with your family is to "get a life". That is, find some that excites your outside of your family. Spending part of your time volunteering may be the perfect solution.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a call with me to find out how coaching can help you. I offer an 8 week coaching program where I help you practice seeing things from a perspective and thinking new thoughts that result in you living a more peaceful life with your adult children. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
Thank you for submitting questions regarding your relationship navigation with your adult children. Most relationships come down to what we focus on as to how we perceive whether it's accepting to us or not. We have a choice. To focus on the good in people or focus on what's not going right. We have a choice to love another person or to judge them. It's in our power to feel anyway we want about any relationship depending on what we choose to focus on and what we chose to think. In this episode I address specific questions sent in by some of my listeners. I feel most of our relationship problems can be fixed by answering the question, "What would love do?"
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a call with me to find out how coaching can help you. I offer an 8 week coaching program where I help you practice seeing things from a perspective and thinking new thoughts that result in you living a more peaceful life with your adult children. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
Has the disappointment and sadness over your relationship with an adult child been with you too long? Are you tired of missing out on a life you thought you were going to have? Making an effort to find those that need you might just be the perfect remedy; those that are suffering that need your love and help. We can't control our adult children. We can't help them if they don't want our help but there are people out there that would love to be involved in your life and you in there's. Focusing on serving others can bring happiness and fulfillment to your life once again.
Instead of using your energy despairing, use it to love and serve others. I refer to an article by Joseph Grenny for insight of how to win this "battle".
"Are We Losing?: A Gospel Perspective on Imperfect Families" by Jospeh Grenny.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a call with me to find out how coaching can help you. I offer an 8 week coaching program where I help you practice seeing things from a perspective and thinking new thoughts that result in you living a more peaceful life with your adult children. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
Do you find yourself judging others and find fault in others as your default thinking?
It's your brains fault but you can change it; you can be uncharge of your brain instead of it reverting to its 3 motivational desires (which I explain in this episode). It takes some intentionality to be the boss. Listen to the 5 steps I give you to be able to default to noticing what is going right in your life rather than focusing what's gone wrong.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a call with me to find out how coaching can help you. I offer an 8 week coaching program where I help you practice seeing things from a perspective and thinking new thoughts that result in you living a more peaceful life with your adult children. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
One of the most difficult times a parent can go through is when they are told by their adult child they want no contact with them. The question is "now what"? If you fixate on this happening it could keep you stuck in despair the rest of your life. There is a way to move on. Of course you're going to feel hurt and disappointed. In this episode I tell you of three stages to go through to lessen the hurt. "Now what" is a choice you will have to make to find happiness and fulfillment in your life again. Choosing to still love your children is another choice. We can fixate on loving them or judging them. This episode might possibly help you make that decision.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a call with me to find out how coaching can help you. I offer an 8 week coaching program where I help you practice seeing things from a perspective and thinking new thoughts that result in you living a more peaceful life with your adult children. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
Have you ever questioned your likability? Is that something that is controllable?
We were all born likable. We may have stronger likes for some than for others but that is because we all have preferences of what we like and don't like much like fruit.
Some people like peaches and some don't. It doesn't matter if you're the juiciest peach on the tree, you can't make people like you you if they don't like peaches. We all have preferences about who we like to be around. And that's what makes our world be made of humans and not robots. Listen to find out why there is no moral code that you're suppose to like hanging out with family.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a call with me to find out how coaching can help you. I offer an 8 week coaching program where I help you practice seeing things from a perspective and thinking new thoughts that result in you living a more peaceful life with your adult children. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
Our adult children see what a good relationship with their adult parents looks like from a different perspective than we do. Because of the internet and social media, needs that were once being met by parents are now being met by Google and Facebook. Thus, where parents may see their relationship with their now adult children as distant, they may see it as perfect. Adult children are not intentionally ignoring their parents, they are taking responsibility for fulfilling their own needs, which are far different than their parents' needs, thus, parents tend to feel that are not a priority in their children's life. Listen to this episode to find out why this may not be a bad perspective. Are parents neglecting their responsibility to take care of their own needs rather than advocating it to their adult children?
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a call with me to find out how coaching can help you. I offer an 8 week coaching program where I help you practice seeing things from a perspective and thinking new thoughts that result in you living a more peaceful life with your adult children. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
Wanting your relationship to be different than what it is with your adult children may be the very thing that is keeping you from living the life you want to live. What we want in a relationship with our children maybe different than what they want and sometimes this is why we see the relationship as not a close one. But what if nothing has gone wrong? What if this is what kind of relationship they want? It doesn't mean they don't love you. This episode is about using our pain of being misunderstood to understand the needs of our adult children.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.Have you ever considered 1:1 coaching? To get started, book a call with me to find out how coaching can help you. I offer an 8 week coaching program where I help you practice seeing things from a perspective and thinking new thoughts that result in you living a more peaceful life with your adult children. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.
Do you notice the less you know about your adult children's lives the fewer opinions you have as to the right or wrongness of their behavior? Why do we care what they are thinking? We can't change it. We are driven to know why they aren't coming to our house for dinner, again! We may not like the answer; we might not get the real reason. Your business is to become a better version of you, take care of your own needs , and love your children by respecting their agency. Listen to find out how staying out of your children's business makes life a whole lot easier.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE **to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
I offer complimentary Relationship Strategy Calls to those of you who need more help in overcoming the struggles you are having in connecting with your adult children. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.**
What if I told you that your attitude, not external factors, is the key to unlocking happiness and improving your quality of life? Your attitude come from your thoughts not your circumstances. Listen to find strategies for becoming more conscious of our thoughts, practicing optimism, and developing acceptance with challenging circumstances. Your attitude is your choice; that means you can view life any way you want
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE **to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
I offer complimentary Relationship Strategy Calls to those of you who need more help in overcoming the struggles you are having in connecting with your adult children. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.**
There are three things we all want: autonomy, respect by others of our agency, and not be told what to do. We all want to to be self governing of our lives. When we feel threatened that someone is taking our power away, we rebel and run away from this person. Even meaning-well parents, trying to make suggestions to their adult children often backfires by weakening or even losing the relationship with them. It's easy for adult children to feel that these suggestions imply they are not capable of making good decisions or that they are still being treated like a child. The easiest way to reclaim their power is to avoid having conversations with or being around their parents. Listen to find out what the antidote is.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE **to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
I offer complimentary Relationship Strategy Calls to those of you who need more help in overcoming the struggles you are having in connecting with your adult children. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.**
Circumstances are everything that happens outside of us in our lives; world events, the weather, our past, what someone says or doesn't say to us. Circumstances are the facts of what's going on around us. They are the boring descriptions of our life. Circumstances are neutral. We were raised thinking it was the circumstances of our lives that caused us to feel a certain way. It was never taught to us that our feelings are caused by our thoughts about what we are making these circumstances mean. When it's raining and we feel disappointed, it's not the rain that makes us feel disappointed but our thoughts (ie. We can't have our wedding reception outside because it's raining) about the rain that causes us to feel disappointed. Our thoughts cause us to feel a certain way, not what's happening in our lives. We can't control the happenings in our lives but we can control how we think about the circumstances. Therefore, if we can control our thoughts that means we have control over how we want to feel in any situation.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE **to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
I offer complimentary Relationship Strategy Calls to those of you who need more help in overcoming the struggles you are having in connecting with your adult children. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.**
Part of being human is being willing to feel all of our emotions; being an emotional adult is being willing to feel" the good, the bad, and the ugly" parts of our lives. The Model is the most amazing tool. By using it, you can feel any feeling you want to feel just by intentionally choosing to think thoughts that cause you to feel the feeling you want to feel. But it can be misused. First we have to feel the negative feeling. Allow it to sit with us for a bit instead of resisting feeling it by drinking alcohol or going for a run. If will do this, then the intensity of the negative emotion decreases. I share with you my week this week of choosing to feel "the bad and the ugly" and why it's not helpful to think a new thought before you give the negative feeling some attention. I had trained my brain so well to default to thinking empowering thoughts so quickly that when a new crisis came into my life this week, I was consumed with negative emotions and my empowering thoughts had lost their power. I had no choice but to hang out with all the negative feelings for several days.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE **to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
I offer complimentary Relationship Strategy Calls to those of you who need more help in overcoming the struggles you are having in connecting with your adult children. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.**
Tune in this week to discover why inspirational music can help you stop feeling so much despair, especially that feeling of dread so many feel over Mother's Day, or any other circumstances that triggers those negative emotions that come from a mismanaged mind. Kristine shares why uplifting music is the perfect tool for new thoughts to enter your mind, almost instantly, that causes you to feel peace and calm and hope rather than despair. It's taking responsibility to take action, by listening to inspiring music, that often for many touches their soul so intensely, that the new thoughts instantly cause you you feel a different feeling. I challenge you to listen to learn more about this tool.
How to connect with Kristine Cox
kristinecox.com
bit.ly/KristineCoxYouTube
bit.ly/PerfectForMeKristineCox
https://bit.ly/KristineCoxSpotify
https://bit.ly/KristineCoxAppleMusic
https://kristinecox.com/pages/kristine-cox-streaming
www.facebook.com/KristineCoxMusic
KristinesKeynotes.com
Kris@KristineCox.com
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE **to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
I offer complimentary Relationship Strategy Calls to those of you who need more help in overcoming the struggles you are having in connecting with your adult children. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.**
What kind of person do you want to be? The first kind of person doesn't realize that their feelings are created by themselves and so they blame something outside of themselves for their negative emotions. They become victims to their circumstances, The second kind of person isn't a victim to their circumstances, but they change their circumstances , thinking they will feel better. The third kind of person takes responsibility of how they feel when life is not going as they would like by watching his mind and intentionally paying attention to and managing his thoughts which changes how he thinks, feels, and acts. He evolves into a person who is in charge of living a life he wants to live. Listen to learn how to become the person you want to be.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE **to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
I offer complimentary Relationship Strategy Calls to those of you who need more help in overcoming the struggles you are having in connecting with your adult children. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.**
Have you ever notice your choice of one word can cause a different feeling than another word? I'm not talking about opposite words but using just the right word, still a positive word, but a word that changes the meaning, thus, changing the feeling of the phrase or sentence. Example: You're concerned your child is making so many bad choices in their lives that he/she is destined to living an unhappy life. Someone says, "They're a good kid. They'll get their act together. They'll end up doing something good in their life." It's a nice, complimentary thing to say, but you still go down the thought path that it doesn't resonate with you enough to even feel hope. But what it if thoughts were state using the word possible. "It's POSSIBLE they'll get their act together and do something great and wonderful with their life." Using the word possible makes that thought so more believable., causing you to feel hopeful instead of heartbroken. Listen to this episode to learn several other "power words" to help you start feeling more hope, peace and optimism.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE **to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
I offer complimentary Relationship Strategy Calls to those of you who need more help in overcoming the struggles you are having in connecting with your adult children. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.**
Is your life with your adult children as you pictured it would be? Or is nothing like what you had expected? Are you feeling unimportant? Ignored? Left out of their lives? Resentful? Disappointed? You are not alone. You are suffering what I refer to as expectation pain. What you were expecting life with your adult children is not happening. Do you think you might have a "manual" of how your adult children are supposed to be behaving? Listen to this episode to learn how to overcome expectation pain and what one expectation you are allowed to have that will help have a better connection with your children, and anyone else that is important to you.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE **to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
I offer complimentary Relationship Strategy Calls to those of you who need more help in overcoming the struggles you are having in connecting with your adult children. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.**
In thinking about who you want to be or become have you ever thought about what you would like to be known for. The idea for this episode came to me while watching the Masters Golf tournament on TV last weekend. A golfer was teeing off and I asked my husband who it was and why did I recognize him and not remember his name. His reply was "HE IS KNOW FOR BEING DISHONEST." That made me start thinking. What am I know for and is that what I want to known for. We can't control others thoughts and feelings but we can control how we feel about ourselves. We have the capacity to become who we want to be known for. Listen to this episode for the benefits of becoming that person.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE **to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
I offer complimentary Relationship Strategy Calls to those of you who need more help in overcoming the struggles you are having in connecting with your adult children. Go to bonnielyman.com (click here) to book a call.**
We know we are the beneficiaries when we forgive someone that has wronged us. But what about those people that don't deserve to be forgiven? It can be difficult to do. Our thoughts cause our feelings so that means our hurting is coming from the thoughts we are thinking. But it can be hard to change our thoughts when we can't believe them so that means we continue to feel hurt. I believe we are only able to believe the new thoughts to cause the pain to go away from the enabling power of the atonement of Jesus Christ. In this episode I give you 5 steps to take to help you forgive those that seem impossible to forgive.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
Have you wondered why everyone is so full of joy on the day they get married? They don't care if it's snowing when it was supposed to be a sunny summer day; they don't care if the cake didn't arrive. It's because they are focusing on what matters most; they are focusing on what's going right! It can be one of the happiest days of our life because of what we are focusing on. Sometimes we have to intentionally look for something good to focus on that will bring us joy, often with difficult family members. Maybe the focus could be that they aren't difficult, they are just different. Circumstances are not what bring us joy. It's our thoughts about the circumstance that can bring us joy. If we choose to focus on the good in a person or on what's going right in any given situation we will feel joy.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
The future is a mystery but yet we tend to spend a lot time thinking negatively about it that actually robs us of the present (which is a present and that's why it's called that). In this episode I give you 7 thoughts that will help you view the future more optimistically. We don't have control over the future but we can choose to view it with optimism.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
Do you know the difference between confidence and self confidence? Confidence is knowing you have the ability or skill to do something. I am confident I can bake a cake. Whereas, self confidence is the belief and trust we have about ourselves. When we are self confident we feel comfortable in our own skin. Listen to this episode to find out 7 ways we can foster it and help develop it in yourself. We were born to be creators. Lack of self confidence is a roadblock to creating the life we want to live.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
We always want to know if we did or said the right thing in a touchy situation with our adult children. In this episode I give you 5 tips you can use to evaluate for yourself what to say or do. There is no right or wrong way to act in any situation. When my client ask "What should I say?" or "Is that ok to do?" I always respond with "What do you want to say"; "What do you want to do." You will have some guidelines after listening to this episode.
Have you received my new resource "3 Steps To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
What is God's plan for you? Did you know it's different than God's plan for your children. We can prove that but if look at all the different ways to grow in this life, all the different learning styles, we can assume that our "lessons" for becoming the person we want to become are going to be different than our children's. Our time is well spent if we focus on fixing ourselves instead of focusing on fixing our children. While we can agree with this thought, we often want to get in God's business of knowing what's best for our children. If we can learn to wait and let our children learn what's best for them their way, things can work out better than we ever could have imagined. In this episode I offer you two ways help you learn to wait.
Have you received my new resource "How To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
This is an interview I had with daughter Julie and mother Jane about their relationship with each other. Each shares their perspectives of what showing love, respect, and support to an adult child looks like. You will first hear from the Julie the daughter and then Jane the mom. Listen closely for the common thread of love, respect, and support each has for each other. Proof that love always wins; what happens when the parent puts her desires aside for the desires of her daughter; we don't know what's best for another person.
Have you received my new resource "How To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
What are the obstacles keeping you from loving your adult children.? "Oh, but I do love them" you say. I say back to you, "if love feels so amazing, why are you so miserable."
Love trumps every other emotion. Love will win every time. What's keeping us from feeling complete and whole that love offers to us to feel....our thoughts about our adult children's choices and behavior. It's not your child's fault that you are feeling disappointed, hurt, resentful, unloved, disrespected. It's your fault. It's what you are making your child's actions or inactions mean.
I point out to you five obstacles that are robbing you of feeling the reward that only loving your adult children can offer you. It's your responsibility to love them (only if you don't want to feel miserable) not their responsibility to earn your love.
Love is always an option. Love is always available. Love is a choice.
Have you received my new resource "How To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
Do you see the glass half empty or half full? Would you like to view the world more positively? In this episode I tell you how to do this. "Sitting on our shoulders is the most complicated object in the know universe" .........Michio Kaku. And we all were given one. We can't control, nor would would want to, our heart beating or our breathing routine or our kidney function. But we can control which thoughts we want to think or believe. When we choose negative thoughts we will feel negative feelings; when we choose positive thoughts we feel positive feelings. We can't become the boss of our adult children but we can become the boss of our brain. Being able to control the circumstances with our children is impossible; learning to control the thoughts in our brains is all in our control. If we can learn to choose our thoughts. and not let our brain arbitrarily make those decisions, than that means we control how we want to feel.
Have you received my new resource "How To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
We use the term boundaries pretty loosely. It's important to know when it's appropriate to use. We need to make sure we like our reason for setting a boundary verses making a request. A request is just that....a request. A boundary is a request but if not honored there is a consequence. The consequence needs to be what "YOU" will do if the request is not honored....not what the violator needs to do. The hardest part of setting a boundary is following through with the action you have established you will do if the request is not respected. Because we aren't responsible for other peoples' feelings, we can't control whether they will like our action or not. When you follow through with the consequence you become responsible for your feelings.
Have you received my new resource "How To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
Love is the most amazing feeling anyone can feel. My little Harvey (my grandson) loves his "lovey"....his ragged, little stuffed dog he calls Bunny. There are no conditions attached to loving his Bunny. Do you know why? Because it makes him feel so amazing. In this episode I talk about what LOVE feels like and what LOVE does. I'm talking specifically about loving children that are challenging to love. I talk about what we have to do to love others who are difficult to love. We can choose to love anyone we want....even if they are doing things we disapprove of. Loving someone does not equate to approving of their behavior. When our children are at their worse is when they need our love the most. Decide to love everyone and your life will be more amazing than you could ever imagine.
For a transcript of this episode go to https://www.bonnielyman.com/podcast/
Have you received my new resource "How To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
Your adult children are gone; off figuring life out on their own. Some of you find yourself unfulfilled because your life without them is not as you expected. Sometimes you are feeling unappreciated or disappointed. Some of you are feeling disconnected from these people you were once the most important person in their life. It's time to find a new way of spending your time. It's time to find a new passion; something that lights you up; something that makes you feel excited about getting up in the morning.
In this episode, I talk about ways to find your new passion and what's keeping you stuck in not finding it. One of the remedies to feeling connected to your adult children is to "get a life".
Have you received my new resource "How To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
This is a replay of one of Jody Moore's podcast when she interviewed me about a year ago. I know many have heard this interview but many have not. I'm proud of this daughter of mine....just like I'm proud of my other 4 children and what they are doing in the world, maybe just not with the notoriety that Jody has. I love them all the same. You would think that a relationship between a mom and a daughter who both run a coaching business would be easy peasy. We are both human so that means we aren't always at our best when around each other. But that never means that we don't love each other. I hope you enjoy this episode.
Have you received my new resource "How To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
Just when we thought we had resolved some challenges with our adult children, a son or daughter-in-law enter the picture. Remember we are a parent, we are no longer parenting. You are no longer the most important person in their lives. Everything you did as a couple or as a parent is not going to be copied by your child and their spouse. They are going to do it a whole different way. And that's ok. You get set boundaries, if necessary, but do it in a loving, kind way. The important thing about any relationship is to focus on what is going right; the most most important thing you can do for your child and their spouse is to tell them, often, the things you love that they are doing.
Have you received my new resource "How To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
I hate the word goal. It puts a lot of pressure on me to make them and keep them. But there is so much benefit in "following our dreams". So I'm going to call it a wish. What do I wish to happen or become in 2023 that will help me be engaged in fulfilling activities. What do I wish I could do that would cause me to be happier? What could I do to focus on things that uplift me rather than tear me down? My quality of life is in my control. Yes...there is always opposition but that adds to the fulfillment of doing something this year I didn't do last year. Listen to my six strategies of how to become a happier you. A happier you also means a happier relationship with your adult children.
Have you received my new resource "How To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
Some of you are probably not looking forward to Christmas. Maybe even dreading that it's here because of a painful relationship with an adult child or some other family member. In this episode I show you why accepting the circumstance, without giving up the desire for it to be different, helps you enjoy the holidays more than if you were resisting the hurt filled circumstance. Choosing love, compassion and forgiveness are key to living a well lived life but acceptance of the painful parts is what keeps us moving forward loving our children despite their behavior. Loving them doesn't equate to supporting their actions....it only brings you closer to choosing love rather than judgement.
Have you received my new resource "How To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
Do you say yes every time your adult children ask you to watch their kids? Are you afraid if you say no they will be mad at you? Or your grandkids won't like you as much as the other grandma? If so you might be what we call a "people pleaser". I like to please people, especially my family members but not at my expense. Listen to find out how to know when to say yes and when to say no when someone makes a request of you. Saying yes out of fear or insecurity is different than saying yes from self love and love.
Have you received my new resource "How To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
Do you want to know how to influence your adult children? Show up as a parent that loves them no matter how they treat you. You are a circumstance in their lives. We don't have control over their thoughts so that means we don't have control over whether they accept or even feel our love. What are the chances if you show up as a kind and loving person that they will know you love them. You can influence them by showing them what an unconditionally loving parent acts like. Benefit to you....you live without regret and love is always a gift we give ourselves when we freely give it.
Listen to find out how to love on purpose.
Have you received my new resource "How To Be Yourself Around Your Adult Children?" Click HERE to receive it. You'll be amazed what life offers you when you take back the power to be yourself around everyone.
I was so inspired when I spent three days listening to Brooke Castillo share how to live the life you want. My biggest take away is that most of us are not living our happiest life because we haven't "decided" to commit to living a happy life. Some quotes I shared in this episode that she said....."Everything you struggle with, you choose to struggle with."...."What does it take to make a decision? You either do it or you don't."...."You don't need someone's consent to love them." Brooke Castillo created the Model. It is the foundation for my coaching. I hope you will invest in your mental health. If not with me then with someone else. Taking care of our mental health is more than getting physical exercise. It's learning how to mentally exercise.
Have you considered getting guidance on how to live a happier life with your adult children? One on one coaching is a way to make that happen. Book a support call at https://www.bonnielyman.comor go to my profile on Instagram @bonnielymancoaching
Gratitude is more than just a good virtue to copy. It actually causes us to be happier. And what about appreciation. The thought that you are good enough just the way you are. In fact you are amazing and your life would be more abundant with love if you believed that. You didn't create you so it's ok to think that. Having thought of appreciation for ourselves and our lives causes us to have the feeling of gratitude. When we are grateful for what we already have, we live a more abundant life because the moments and the small things that we have or happen in our lives are just enough.
Listen to find out how appreciating yourself makes it easier for your adult children to appreciate and love you.
Have you considered getting guidance on how to live a happier life with your adult children? One on one coaching is a way to make that happen. Book a support call at https://www.bonnielyman.comor go to my profile on Instagram @bonnielymancoaching
I offer you four steps to coach yourself when you are stuck in feeling a negative emotion and you don't know what to do. If you follow these four steps, you will be able to start practicing what we call self coaching. You will be able to choose the feeling you want to feel. This doesn't mean you won't need some coaching from a certified coach, but it will give you a taste of how effective coaching can be.
Thank you kind people for the responses I've received from sending out my weekly newsletter, THURSDATE. Here are some of the most popular ones. They are gems of thoughts on how to live a more contented life, especially when dealing with unfulfilled expectations of our adult children. Life can be as good as we want it to be. We just need to learn how we, ourselves, can choose to live the exact life we live. Listen to see if there is something in this episode that your life feels more uplifted from hearing these gems.
If you enjoyed this podcast and want to start finding out how to work with me, go to the following resources:
Sign up for my weekly newletter THURSDATE: bonnielyman.com
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Receive my free resource,* Three Steps To Being Yourself In Your Relationships With Adult Children. *NEW RESOURCE!*
Most of us have desires in some area of our adult children's life where we would like them to be different. We most often express an unfulfilled expectation as "I want them to change. I want things different than how things really are in our relationship." It might be wanting your children to spend equal time between the two sets of parents when they are in town; it might be wanting them to get a job; it might be as minor as you wanting them to return a text. But when we feel stuck and hurt in not getting what we want, maybe that want is a need; but you are responsible for fulfilling your needs. You feel you need them to change for you to feel the way you want to feel. This can lead to unhealthy relationships because we have become dependent on our children to fulfill our needs which they don't have the power to do. They feel your neediness, so they react by not wanting to be around you. Your neediness card be overbearing and judgmental. It's healthy and fine to want them to act a certain way, as long as you are ok with them when the use their agency in the way they want to use it. Listen to find out how to have a happier life by wanting and not needing.
We have a choice of what kind of life we want to live, emotionally. We can believe we are a victim of our circumstances or we we take responsibiity to feel anyway we want to feel. When we play victim, we lose all control of living the life we want to live. When we take responsibility for what we can control, our thoughts and feelings, we are determine the outcome of our lives. This episode teaches you the difference between emotional childhood, where you are the victim, and emotional adulthood, where you are the "captain" of your life. It's no wonder most of us feel like victims to our circumstances because no one ever taught us how feelings are created. It's a game changer to know that it's your responsibility to fulfill your own needs, and not be dependent on others to do it for you.
Our brains run off of two software programs. A positive software program and a negative one. It's our choice as to which one we want to use. But it seems we automatically default to using the negative program when our children are not doing things like we would like. We are so familiar with this program that we don't even try to use the positive program. When a negative circumstance happens we lean toward thinking that it's going to be this way forever. If we were to use the positive program more often, we would become more optimistic about positive changes happening in everyone's lives. Listen to four steps I offer you to become more optimistic about negative circumstances working out.
I was privileged to be interviewed by Kurt Francom on his podcast Leading Saints. Listen to find out about all the good things Kurt's offers the world to connect, understand and love one another better. I answer lots of questions regarding navigating life with adult children which causes a parent to feel pain. From not feeling important in their lives to them searching elsewhere besides the faith they were raised in to find meaning to their lives to fulfilling unfurled expectations.
Kurt is offering a free 14 day trial membership to his Core Leader Library that is full of useful knowledge he has acquired over the years from interviews and events with people struggling in areas they never thought they would be struggling in. go to leadingsaints.org/14 to sign up.
If you enjoyed this podcast and want to start finding out how to work with me, go to the following resources:
Sign up for my weekly newletter THURSDATE: bonnielyman.com
*Book a 60 minute consult with me; click HERE
Receive my free resource,* Three Steps To Being Yourself In Your Relationships With Adult Children. *NEW RESOURCE!*
What keeps us from just admitting the truth? We want to say everything is “fine” when it’s not fine. We might be thinking, ‘well, others have it worse”. But that’s not your reality right now. There is such benefit in admitting the truth. It helps bring us to reality of what we can change to make it fine and what we don’t have control over to change. This causes us to more confidently answer the question of“what now” when things are not fine? People respect you more when you speak the truth. Speaking the truth is allowed if we are kind and respectful when we do it. You will respect yourself more also if you were truthful with yourself. We are wonderful and we are all messing. Being truthful not only helps you know what parts of you you want to improve on but also what parts you don’t want to change.
If you enjoyed this podcast and want to start finding out how to work with me, go to the following resources:
Sign up for my weekly newletter THURSDATE: bonnielyman.com
*Book a 60 minute consult with me; click HERE
Receive my free resource,* Three Steps To Being Yourself In Your Relationships With Adult Children. *NEW RESOURCE!*
We assumed most of our lives when we were feeling offended or angry or some other negative emotion it was the fault of someone or something outside of us. We didn't have the emotional maturity to understand that we are responsible for how we want to feel. Another interesting concept we don't explain well is that it's how we feel causes how we behave. People that are happy usually are kind to others. People that are hurting often hurt others. So if our feelings cause us to act like one kind of person, it is only reasonable that we figure out how to feel that feeling that will cause us to show up as the kind of person we want to be. In order to feel a certain way, we need to think thoughts that will cause that feeling. It's easier to be a victim to our circumstances than to take responsibility for choosing our feelings by managing our thoughts. Listen to learn the 5 steps to show up as the person you want to be.
Most of us worry about our adult children. Why? Does it help solve the problem? Does it help them make better choices? Or change their behavior. The answer will always be no. The only thing it does is make oneself feel terrible. Listen to find out why we default soften to working and steps we can take to stop worrying.
If you enjoyed this podcast and want to start finding out how to work with me, go to the following resources:
Website: bonnielyman.com
*Book a 60 minute consult with me; click HERE
Receive my free resource,* Three Steps To Being Yourself In Your Relationships With Adult Children. *NEW RESOURCE!*
When our children become adults we often have many unfilled expectations. My clients often compound the situation by using the word "should" regarding what they are or are not doing.
The word "should" implies judgement and judgement never feels good in the normal sense that we use the word. The "should" thought doesn't solve the problem, rather it feeds the story of why things have gone wrong. I good place to start is catching yourself thinking the word and then changing it to want or would. "You should call me more often. ...Would you call me more often?....I want them to call me as often as they want to call". Just try seeing how long you can go without saying or thinking the word 'should"? Tune in for more insights and examples.
If you enjoyed this podcast and want to start finding out how to work with me, go to the following resources:
Go to bonnielyman.com to:
*Book a 60 minute consult with me; click HERE
*Sign up for my weekly newsletter: click HERE
Receive my free resource,* Three Steps To Being Yourself In Your Relationships With Adult Children. *NEW RESOURCE!*Follow me on IG and FB....@bonnielymancoaching
Why do we long for the good old days? Life was simpler? We knew what our kids were up to? What if we had the thought "these are the good old days"? I had some big disappointments and heartaches with my children when they became adults. Was it a difficult time? You bet. But I am so glad that I was able to have children; I am so glad for the the challenges they brought that allowed me to grow into a person I respect. These are the good old days. I can't wait to see how everything turns out; I can't wait to see where I'll grow next; I love watching them figure out their lives. I love watching them recover from a fail. I love that I am their mom. I love choosing to love my kids. Love always feels best
In order to view the your life from a more positive perspective, you need to manage your brain. Learning to mange our brain takes practice. When we practice something consistently, it becomes routine, or a new habit. I find to form a new habit I have to be intentional and I have to want it. Bettering ourselves doesn't happen by accident. The benefit of forming a new habit is that it increases our self confidence. When our self confidence builds, our ability to deal with the challenges of life builds also. Admiral McRaven at a commence speech at the University of Texas said, "If you can't do the little things right, you will never do the big things right." In this episode I give you the steps to form a new habit and also how it can improve your relationship with your adult children.
Have you held back from having a difficult conversation with an adult child because you are afraid of the result? If we are in a space of love and concern for the health of the relationship, it can happen without regret. It takes some preparation on your part to have such a conversation. and first of all you need to decided why you are having this conversation and if you really, really like your reason. Hopefully after listening this episode you be able to have that conversation that you've wanted to have.
If you enjoyed this podcast and want to start finding out how to work with me, go to the following resources:
Go to bonnielyman.com to:
*Book a 60 minute consult with me; click HERE
*Sign up for my weekly email: click HERE
Receive my free resource,* Three Steps To Being Yourself In Your Relationships With Adult Children. *NEW RESOURCE!*Follow me on IG and FB....@bonnielymancoaching
Every Thursday I send out, to my Emil subscribers, short gems of insightful perspectives on how to enjoy relationships with adult children. I also offer tips to help you view your entire life more optimistically. On this episode I'm sharing some of my subscribers most popular messages. If you would like to get on my weekly email list, go to www.bonnielyman.com.
If you enjoyed this podcast and want to start finding out how to work with me, go to the following resources:
Go to bonnielyman.com to:
*Book a 60 minute consult with me; click HERE
*Sign up for my weekly email: click HERE
Receive my free resource,* Three Steps To Being Yourself In Your Relationships With Adult Children. *NEW RESOURCE!*Follow me on IG and FB....@bonnielymancoaching
Have you ever wondered when do you hire a coach or when do you hire a therapist? I think everyone needs a coach to maintain their mental health. What are the differences between the two? How do I know if I'm a candidate for therapy or for coaching? If you are not sure, listen to become more informed. Investing in your mental health is worth the investment. It transforms your entire life.
If you enjoyed this podcast and want to start finding out how to work with me, go to the following resources:
Go to bonnielyman.com to:
*Book a 60 minute consult with me; click HERE
*Sign up for my weekly email: click HERE
Receive my free resource,* Three Steps To Being Yourself In Your Relationships With Adult Children. *NEW RESOURCE!*Follow me on IG and FB....@bonnielymancoaching
Have you ever wondered why you take things so personally in the relationship with your adult children in a way that is unlike any other relationship? Why are you able to feel compassion and understanding and love with your friends' adult children and you often feel despair and despair and embarrassment with your own children? In this episode I offer you a way to practice feeling compassion, acceptance, and understanding with your own children that helps life be so much more satisfying. Thank you ahead of time for listening.
If you enjoyed this podcast and want to start finding out how to work with me, go to the following resources:
Go to bonnielyman.com to:
*Book a 60 minute consult with me; click HERE
*Sign up for my weekly email: click HERE
Receive my free resource,* Three Steps To Being Yourself In Your Relationships With Adult Children. *NEW RESOURCE!*Follow me on IG and FB....@bonnielymancoaching
I share with you excerpts and some paraphrasing of what Joseph Grenny believes is causing most of the despair among parents with children who have strayed. (From an article in the Meridian Magazine, July 7, 2022. Link below). Not only from their faith, but also from coping with the challenges of life in a healthy way. He gets his insights from Jacob 4 and 5 in the Book of Mormon. Even if you are not a member of this faith, I think you will find his words very comforting and hopeful. I quote him: "Most of the epidemic of family despair in the Church today is optional....Satan entices us to satisfy our immediate hunger for resolution by surrendering either our beliefs or our optimism". Listen to my insights and personal stories on this podcast. I would encourage you to read Jacob 4 and 5 in the Book of Mormon; then read the article below.
"Jacob's Answer to Parental Despair: The Olive Tree and the Antichrist", Joseph Grenny
If you enjoyed this podcast and want to start finding out how to work with me, go to the following resources:
Go to bonnielyman.com to:
*Book a 60 minute consult with me; click HERE
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Receive my free resource,* Three Steps To Being Yourself In Your Relationships With Adult Children. *NEW RESOURCE!*Email address: bonnie@bonnielyman.com
Have you ever stopped and wondered how much influence you have in your grandchildren's lives? Have you ever been forbidden by your child to see their children? Do you feel guilty you don't always say yes to providing day care for your grandchildren? What about grandchildren that live far away; how can you connect with them better? Tune and listen as to why and how you are the most influential person/people in their lives.
If you enjoyed this podcast and want to start finding out how to work with me, go to the following resources:
Go to bonnielyman.com to:
*Book a 60 minute consult with me; click HERE
*Sign up for my weekly email: click HERE
Receive my free resource,* Three Steps To Being Yourself In Your Relationships With Adult Children. *NEW RESOURCE!
References:
Donne Davis, author of When Being A Grandma Isn't So Grand*
Donne Davis on YouTube
Donne Davis, organizer of the gaga sisterhood. Organizations for grandmothers.
Stuart Biscoe on YouTube
Most mornings we wake up with the same feelings. I'm a morning person so I wake up excited. I sometimes find my concerns from the day before are not as bad as they were the day before. Others wake up grumpy....and that is okay. Did you know that you can form the habit of being happy? By managing our thoughts, we can decide when we wake up what kind of day we want to have that day. And our brain will help us find evidence that we will have that kind of day.
Tune in to find out how to form the habit of feeling good every day.
If you enjoyed this podcast and want to start finding out how to work with me, go to the following resources:
Go to bonnielyman.com to:
*Book a 60 minute consult with me; click HERE
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Receive my free resource,* Three Steps To Being Yourself In Your Relationships With Adult Children. *NEW RESOURCE!*
Life was good....I was married to a wonderful husband with 5 amazing children. One night my husband said "We haven't gotten our licks yet". Not too long after, major challenges surfaced in our family's life. Challenges I would not sell to have them taken back but challenges I would never wish for anyone to experience. How did I survive? A lot of tears but a lot of giving love. I believe I was given the gift to love difficult people; from an upbringing, absent of support and love, I gained resilience; from having faith in a Supreme Being I was given strength and promptings to choose love. Even when our children do not choose to live values we esteem highly, choosing love can keep our family unit together....forever. Love is accepting, listening and seeking to understand those that think differently than we do.
If you enjoyed this podcast and want to start finding out how to work with me, go to the following resources:
Go to bonnielyman.com to:
*Book a 60 minute consult with me; click HERE
*Sign up for my weekly email: click HERE
Receive my free resource,* Three Steps To Being Yourself In Your Relationships With Adult Children. *NEW RESOURCE!*
I keep a couple go-to thoughts in my pockets when the the "stinging darts pierce" my chest.; those darts thrown at us by others, especially annoying when they come from one of our adult children. Sometimes it is just a sting; sometimes it pierces my heart. I feel the emotion and then I pull out of my pocket a default thought that brings me back to how I want to feel. I share 15 of them, but I most often use these three: Things never stay the same; People that hurt others are hurting; What would love do. Write your own; find out which of the thoughts I offer resonate for you. Prepare yourself against those "stinging darts".
If you enjoyed this podcast and want to start finding out how to work with me, go to the following resources:
Go to bonnielyman.com to:
*Book a 60 minute consult with me; click HERE
*Sign up for my weekly email: click HERE
Receive my free resource,* Three Steps To Being Yourself In Your Relationships With Adult Children. *NEW RESOURCE!*
There are three parts to every relationship.
1. What you think others think about you
2. What you think about them
3. What you think about yourself.
Guess where most our time is spent trying to change or figure out? Part 1. But we need to be spending our focus on the other two parts.....what you think about them and what you think about yourself. Those are the parts you have control over. "What someone else thinks of me is none of my business." Meaningful relationships with our adult children are based on love; loving that you both have opinions; loving them exactly as they are; loving yourself exactly as you are.
If you enjoyed this podcast and want to start finding out how to work with me, go to the following resources:
Go to bonnielyman.com to:
*Book a 60 minute consult with me
*Sign up for my weekly email
Receive my free resource,Three Steps To Being Yourself In Your Relationships With Adult Children*. NEW RESOURCE!
We know seeking after perfection is not good for our mental health. But we really want that family with those adult kids to be a little more perfect. That image of what we thought life with adult children would look like is often crushed by their behavior and our perspective of something has gone wrong. But the messy parts of life are not bad; they are not only just the parts of life that didn't work out but also they are the parts of life that offer us wisdom.....our lesson in life. Did you know that your parenting has nothing to do with your child's behavior as adults? There are no negative emotions; we just have emotions. If we listen to them and validate them, they will serve us. Example: When Meg was feeling anger, she figured out that she was really just feeling resentment. Resentment was trying to tell her to stand up for herself. She gives so many helpful ways to process these feelings that we feel are harmful to our emotional well-being but how to use them to help us feel self-assured and act like the person who self-validates themselves.
Here is where to find out more about Meg Tilton:
Website: Megtiltoncoaching.com
IG and FB: megtiltoncoaching
email: meg@megtiltoncoaching.com
If you enjoyed this podcast and want to start finding out how to work with me, go to the following resources:
Go to bonnielyman.com to:
*Book a free, 60 minute consult with me
*Sign up for my weekly email
Receive my free resource, on Three Remedies to Connect with Your Adult Children.
**Find me on IG or FB bonnielymancoaching
*email: Bonnie@bonnielyman.com
Nobody ever told us that being a parent to adult children could be challenging. Nobody ever talked about the responsibilities of this new job and that it was so different than when they were younger. This episode is all about the six ways we can show up as the best parent we can at this time, and then forever, of their lives; a parent that unconditionally loves and respects their children in all decisions that they make. Love and respect is all they need now from their parents.
If you are tired of feeling pain in your relationship with your adult child(ren), I can show you how to find peace. Been there; done that.....Book a consult call with me. Click HERE.
When your adult child tells you that he/she wants no contact with you of any kind, it feels like death. It feels that you have been robbed of one of your most prized possessions. It is embracing the pain and the understanding of agency that will bring you to acceptance and peace. It is a process that you can do at your own pace to finally be able to forgive someone that might not deserve to be forgiven. Tune in to find out how to move forward in this difficult situation.
I can help you stop feeling pain in your relationship with your adult childrenGo to bonnielyman.com to:
*Book a free, 60 minute consult with me
Comparing and disparing is viewing your insides as not as valuable or as good as what you view someone else's outsides (Kara Lowenthiel). When we look at another family with adult children and all seems to be going well and then look at our family and feel that the relationship is broken, it causes us to be unhappy.
Tune in to listen to why we compare ourselves to others; why it is not harmful to our living a satisfying life, and some remedies to avoid comparing yourself to others.
Figuring out how to find the sunshine in the middle of a storm is one of the most valuable things we can learn in this life. This is one more tool to put in your "figuring life out" toolbox.
I can help you stop feeling pain in your relationship with your adult childrenGo to bonnielyman.com to:
*Book a free, 60 minute consult with me
*Sign up for my weekly email
Receive my free resource, on Three Remedies to Connect with Your Adult Children*,.
Mother's Day is much too often the worst day of the year for a lot of women. But if we were to change our perspective on what Mother's Day is all about, it can be a very heartfelt, tender and loving day. My heart goes out to those women who wanted children and were never able to have any and to those women who have had children who died in their lifetime and to those women and to those women who placed children for adoption. If you are a mom and making Mother's Day about you, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. It is not about you. If you change your perspective and focus on all the great mother figures in your life, you will have a very beautiful day. Every women born, was born with the traits to be a mother figure, not only to her own children but also to all children and to other women needing help. Women have a special gene that enables them to naturally uplift others. Tune in to have a happier Mother's Day than what you might be expecting.
I can help you fix what is not working in your relationship so you can feel love and peace with your adult children and move forward in your life.Go to bonnielyman.com to:
*Book a free, 60 minute consult with me
*Sign up for my weekly email
Receive my free resource, on Three Remedies to Connect with Your Adult Children*,.
It can become so easy to feel some self-pity when we are not having the relationship we would like to have with our adult children. We justify having these pity parties but they never help us feel better. They just add "fuel to the fire". Why? Because feeling sorry for ourselves keeps us stuck in the cycle of thinking negative thoughts, especially when it comes to our thoughts about our relationship with our adult child. Tune in to learn how to get out of self-pity.
I help you stop struggling in your relationship with your adult children.Go to bonnielyman.com to:
*Book a free, 60 minute consult with me
*Sign up for my weekly email
Receive my free resource, on Three Remedies to Connect with Your Adult Children*,.
You can also follow me on or DM me on Instagram @bonnielymancoaching.
Questions? Suggestions for podcast topics. Email me at bonnie@bonnielyman.com
Have you ever done a zig saw puzzle before and you just knew when they cut the puzzle they left a piece out? Sometimes our problems in life feel the same. Sometimes we create problems that aren't even problems. It's so much easier to whine about a problem than to embrace it. We know they are coming but we still avoid or neglect them. What if we thought about them as being a part of living a full life? Did you know our brains love to solve problems so much that it will create a problem if they cannot find one? It is easier to solve a problem when we choose to be a part of the solution to the problem rather than a part of the problem.
I help you fix your relationship with your adult children so you can feel connected to them.If you want to know more about me go to bonnielyman.com
Book a free, 60 minute consult with me
Sign up for my weekly email
Receive my free resource, on Three Remedies to Connect with Your Adult Children,.
You can also follow me on or DM me on Instagram @bonnielymancoaching.
Questions? Suggestions for podcast topics. Email me at bonnie@bonnielyman.com
Who do you want to be? This podcast will help you become that person. I will give you step be step instructions on how to become this person. It's one of the best uses of the Model you will ever use, but we work backwards.
Action: Kind Person
Feeling: Compassionate, loving
Thought: People are doing the best they can at this moment in their life.
You can reprogram your brain to default to this thought every time you are dealing with difficult people. (well, not every time: we after all human). I will show you how. If you are unfamiliar with the Model, listen to Episode 7, the Model Is The Magic Sauce.
I help moms navigate life with their adult children. If you want to know more about me go to bonnielyman.com . And to sign up for any of the free resourceslisted below:
Book a free, 60 minute consult with me
Sign up for my weekly email
Receive my free resource, on Three Remedies to Connect with Your Adult Children,.
You can also follow me on or DM me on Instagram @bonnielymancoaching.
Questions? Suggestions for podcast topics. Email me at bonnie@bonnielyman.com
The land of being curious is safe, compassionate, and loving. We can be judgmental, or loving is best, but to get there we might need sometimes to go through being curious. Curious about our thoughts and whether they are good thoughts to focus on; curious about why our adult children make some of the choices they make; curious about who you want to be to your adult children and the world when unfulfilled expectations show up; and curious, genuinely curious, lovingly curious, curiosity that causes you to understand and show interest and love to your child when he goes against all of your most important values.
I help moms navigate life with their adult children. If you want to know more about me go to bonnielyman.com . And to sign up for any of the free resourceslisted below:
Book a free, 60 minute consult with me
Sign up for my weekly email
Receive my free resource, on Three Remedies to Connect with Your Adult Children,.
You can also follow me on or DM me on Instagram @bonnielymancoaching.
Questions? Suggestions for podcast topics. Email me at bonnie@bonnielyman.com
Instead of hiding and running from adversity, why not welcome it. Adversity can teach us lessons, strengthen us, and show us how God is the the details of our lives like nothing else can. We are dependent upon having adversity in our lives to have those amazing moments be so amazing. It is part of living a well lived life so let us give a big welcome to adversity. After listening to this episode you may not seek it it but hopefully when it comes, you will not fear it.
I help moms navigate life with their adult children. If you want to know more about me go to bonnielyman.com . And to sign up for any of the free resourceslisted below:
Book a free, 60 minute consult with me
Sign up for my weekly email
Receive my free resource, on Three Remedies to Connect with Your Adult Children,.
You can also follow me on or DM me on Instagram @bonnielymancoaching.
Questions? Suggestions for podcast topics. Email me at bonnie@bonnielyman.com
We are impatient beings, we human beings are. It is so uncomfortable being uncomfortable. What if we welcomed the negative emotions that come on a daily basis. Those negative experiences make the good experiences even better. It is when we are feeling discomfort that we go to work to solve some of our most important decisions. It is in the midst of hard things that we grow strong and resilient . Even learning to manage our thoughts to feel the feelings we want to feel can cause us to feel some negative emotions. Don't miss out on living a full life by not getting really good at feeling the negative feelings along with the positive ones.
I help moms navigate life with their adult children. If you want to know more about me go to bonnielyman.com . And to sign up for any of the free resourceslisted below:
Book a free, 60 minute consult with me
Sign up for my weekly email
Receive my free resource, on Three Remedies to Connect with Your Adult Children,.
You can also follow me on or DM me on Instagram @bonnielymancoaching.
Questions? Suggestions for podcast topics. Email me at bonnie@bonnielyman.com
It upsets our lives when our children stray from what we tried so diligently and purposely to teach them. We grieve over our heartbrokenness ..... which is a very healthy and repairing thing to do. But then what? Sometimes we get so stuck in our despair and disappointment that it has a major impact on our lives. We want to accept what they have done and move on with our lives but we don't know how to. If we can view what's going on in our children's lives from a different perspective, we can begin to grow away from judgment, inching our way to acceptance and then love. Part of Heavenly Father's plan was that we would all make mistakes; some of life's lessons are best learned from mistakes. We are either judging each other or loving each other.....judgement never feels good; love always feels best. Tune in to learn how to get out of despair and into acceptance, peace, and love.
I help moms navigate life with their adult children. If you want to know more about me go to bonnielyman.com . And to sign up for any of the free resources listed below:
Book a free, 60 minute consult with me
Sign up for my weekly email
Receive my free resource, on Three Remedies to Connect with Your Adult Children,.
You can also follow me on or DM me on Instagram @bonnielymancoaching.
Questions? Suggestions for podcast topics. Email me at bonnie@bonnielyman.com
Our brains do not like change. So it hangs on tight to thoughts that often times don't serve us. They hang onto thoughts that want us to keep believing that when our adult children make choices contrary to our values, they are making the wrong choice. But maybe exercising their agency the very way they choose to, offers them opportunities to figure out who they want to be in this life. Our job is not to judge them because judgement only brings pain to us.....Our job is to figure out who we want to be. Do we want to be the parent that unconditionally loves despite our children's behavior; like the Savior loves us despite our behavior? Tune in to learn why "it's all good"
I help moms navigate life with their adult children. If you want to know more about me go to bonnielyman.com to book a consult with me, sign up for my weekly email, and/or receive my free resource on three ways to connect with your adult children,.
You can also follow me on or DM me on Instagram @bonnielymancoaching.
Questions? Suggestions for podcast topics. Email me at bonnie@bonnielyman.com
I am excited to be interviewing Jodi Schilling today. She is a certified Life Coach who works with moms who are navigating raising children with neuro diversity. A neuro divergent child is a child that is born with significant challenges in learning and in communicating their needs.
She doesn't view being neuro divergent as being negative. After all, we all struggle with learning and communicating. These children were born with more severe neuro disabilities, jeopardizing their ability to learn at the same ability as many other children.
Jodi helps moms first grieve; then start transforming themselves from being a broken mom to one that is happy and confident. She helps them feel confident enough to know when to assist and when to let their children exercise their own independence.
Tune in to listen to her perspective on what your role as a mom is when children with neuro diversity become adults.
Here is how you can follow or contact Jodi Schilling:
Website;
https://www.goodmomcoach.com/
Instagram;
https://www.instagram.com/goodmomcoach
Facebook;
https://www.facebook.com/goodmomcoach
The Good Mom Podcast with Jodi Schilling
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-good-mom-podcast/id1540467867
https://open.spotify.com/show/4yOL8IcK8ACraxtg1qPZ3h?si=s4PpRkVqTK2bTaZh9KNVwA
If you enjoyed this podcast, share it with someone who is struggling.
I help moms navigate life with their adult children. If you want to know more about me go to bonnielyman.com to book a consult with me, to sign up for my weekly email, to receive my free resource, Three Ways to Connect with Your Adult Children, and to read my blog posts.
You can also follow me on .
Follow me on Instagram @bonnielymancoaching.
Email: bonnie@bonnielyman.com
This has been the most influential, amazing concept I have learned from being trained as a life coach. I need to give credit where credit is due, to my mentor and instructor Brooke Castillo. Responsible adults do not intentionally wake up in the morning with the intention to make someone feel bad. When your adult children say things to that are unkind, do things that are hurtful, or seemingly ignore you, they are not intentionally wanting to cause you to have thoughts that cause you to feel hurt. They are hurting; there is something in their life with which they are struggling. We all struggle with something. When you can embody this concept, you are on the threshold of learning how to love and have compassion for your adult children. Tune in to learn how to be a kinder, compassionate person.
I ask you to please share this episode with anyone who is struggling in their relationship with their adult children who you feel might benefit from listening to this episode.
I help moms navigate life with their adult children. If you want to know more about me go to bonnielyman.com to book a consult with me, sign up for my weekly email, receive my free resource on three ways to connect with your adult children, and read my blog posts
You can also follow me on Instagram @bonnielymancoaching.
If you or any one you know, goes through life with generally a poor attitude, you'll want to tune in to this is episode... You can train your brain to look at situations, relationships, or even past events from a different perspective. A perspective that serves you; that enables you to find peace in having a well lived life. Practice. You just need to know what to practice; the more you practice the easier it becomes to see the glass half full.
If you have a comment or question, I would love to hear from you.
Email: bonnie@bonnielyman.com
Follow or DM me on IG @bonnielymancoaching
Book a consult call or sign up for my weekly newsletter at bonnielyman.com
Do You feel you have to “walk on eggshells” when you’re around your adult children? Do you worry if you don’t say and do the right thing, you’ll lose the relationship? You can be YOU if you can figure who you want “you” to be and how does that person not only act but also WANTS to act when they are around their adult children. Tune in to learn how to make this happen in your life.
I offer an 8 week 1:1 coaching program if you need help in applying this to your life.
Contact me. Options listed:
If you have a comment or question, I would love to hear from you.
Email: bonnie@bonnielyman.com
Follow or DM me on IG @bonnielymancoaching
Book a consult call at bonnielyman.com
Sign up for my email list here
Why do some people see the glass half "full" while others see it half "empty". The ones that see it half full have different thoughts when they look at the glass of water than those who see it as half full. In this episode you will find an amazing way to solve any problem. It really is the magic sauce, sometimes referred to as the secret sauce.
To contact me , email me at bonnie@bonnielyman.com
Go to my website bonnielyman.com to book a call or sign up for my email.
I'm on instagram at bonnielymancoaching.
Having a manual with lists of how loving, responsible adult children should treat their mothers belongs in the garbage. If we have expectations of how people should operate we are setting ourselves up for disaster! Tune in to find out how to have our needs met that are not being fulfilled by our children.
The natural man wants to default to judging another person for causing him to feel hurt. Some of us know that other people don't have the power to make us feel hurt; our thoughts make us feel hurt. Compassionate thoughts never cause us to feel hurt; they cause us to feel the most amazing of all emotions.....LOVE. We have the power within us to default to feeling compassion rather than hurt. Tune in to find what you can practice to find compassion for everyone in your life. We all just want to feel peace with what's happening in our lives, the good and the messy.
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To find out more about my Loving On Purpose coaching program, follow me on Instagram,
https://www.instagram.com/bonnielymancoaching/
or go to my website https://www.bonnielyman.com
Do find yourself more often than not focusing on the negative outcome of circumstances instead of being hopeful that everything is going to work out? It's just your brain trying to protect you from future disappointment. But what if you trained your brain to give some "air time" to it could all work out? In this episode I give you some ways you can start reprogramming your brain to see a more positive perspective to what is happening in your life.
Do you have some painful feelings that keep surfacing in your life? Are they getting in the way of living the life you want to live? If you are having negative feelings that are surfacing often, or are very intense, or seem to turn up in certain situations, I teach you how to de-intensify those feelings. Turning to alchol or drugs or donuts or even running is not the fix. Too often we want to change our thoughts or perspective but first we need to just "be" with that annoying feeling for a while. I tell you how.
It is ten days before Christmas. Are you feeling stressed, tired, frazzled? Are you worried about all the details Christmas brings with it? How about that crazy uncle with all his corny jokes that bores everyone to tears? STOP.......take a deep breath, grab your favorite beverage and sit down and take a listen to the suggestions I give to have a merry Christmas. What if I guaranteed you would have one of your best Christmases ever? A simple assignment to your brain can make this Christmas full of peace and love. I would love to know if you gave it a try.
We know that loving everyone is something we have been asked to do. Christ asked us to love everyone, not to show Him respect, but for the benefit to us. All any of us really want is to feel good. Love always feels best, just every time. Easier said than done. I talk about how to choose to love someone even if they are difficult to love or who might even reject your love. When we choose to love, we are the beneficiary.