Inthrivert: Recent Episodes

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There is a common misconception that introverts are always shy. It is about time we clear that up and help people to understand the difference between introversion and shyness. This episode is all about clarifying the difference between these two concepts so that people will better understand both and we take another step towards helping people to understand introversion, as well as those who are more introverted, better.

 If you want to further your understanding on introversion, connect with other introverts and learn and grow together, join us at the inthrivert community at  https://www.inthrivertcommunity.com/ and discover what becoming a member has to offer you.

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With a strong focus on results, performance, and showing what you have achieved, there is a pervasive belief in, especially in the Western world, that if you don't do these things openly and often, that you are not ambitious. That when you are more quietly working towards your goals it doesn't count. 

In this episode we go a bit deeper into this and look at where this different way of behaving and working towards our goals come from and how the quiet ones can also be very ambitious.Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/inthrivert)

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We all have critics in our lives and we all need to deal with what they say about us and how they are trying to influence us. It can be a struggle, especially is the critics are those most close to us. In this episode we go deeper into criticism and, how to look at it, and how to deal with it.Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/inthrivert)

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In today's episode we move a step further than just accepting your introversion. We're going into fully embracing your introverted nature, the benefits of it, the importance of it, and how it will change your life around.Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/inthrivert)

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Acceptance is an easy thing to talk about, but it can be quite the challenge. Accepting our introverted nature is no different but doing so will make a tremendous difference in your life. In this episode I give you some insight in the importance of accepting your introverted nature.Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/inthrivert)

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Many people who are more introverted don't mind having their social plans cancelled because to them the alternative of staying at home is something that's often very enjoyable.Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/inthrivert)

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Hayley tells her story of going from depression to a life filled with joy and the journey of 15 years and counting it has taken her to get there.

It's a story that many people will be able to relate to in one way or another and it's filled with tips on how to get out of that deep dark place and back into the light to live a life you enjoy.Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/inthrivert)

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The points we’ve covered.

• The first is when meetings are planned in advance
• The second point is to contribute what you think is valuable
• Third we went over thinking to yourself that when you are not speaking up that is whether you have nothing to contribute or whether you’re being shy
• Next we covered that there is power in speaking up every now and then when you are usually quiet
• After that we covered the point of raising your hand when you want to make a subtle guest of “I have something to say but I’m going to resort to shouting”
• I really emphasised the point of not underselling yourself. Really know that, what you have to say is probably going to be valuable so don’t get caught in the imposter syndrome and think that you have nothing valuable to add
• And last we went over being put on the spot. How you can prevent that by letting people know up front that doesn’t work for you and when you are put on the spot, how you can deal with it by saying “I have nothing to add” or “when something comes to mind I will let you know”

Timestamp
01:33 Planned in advance
02:04 Contribute what you think is valuable
03:16 Nothing to add or being shy
04:47 The power of being quiet
06:07 Raising your hand
07:41 Don't undersell yourself
09:00 Being put on the spot
12:08 Summary

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The concept of "being alone together" is something many introverts love. But it's also like the case of both wanting to have your cake and eat it at the same time. You can’t really have both. 

But sometimes someone comes on your path who is able to give you exactly that. And if you are someone like that in the life of an introvert, that makes you a special person to them for sure.Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/inthrivert)

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Labels are great for things but not so much for people because people cannot be defined by just a simple label. 

How do you define introversion and how potentially limiting is your definition?

How much do your limitations have to do with your introverted nature and how much of it is lack of skill, experience, knowledge, and attitude? 

Try to redefine your definition of introversion to one that is less limiting and more empowering and see how that can benefit you. 

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Do you remember what it was like for you being in school? And then particularly how you behaved in class when your teacher asked a question. Not specifically to you but in general for the class to answer.

Were you the type of person who raised their hand and who was all excited and eager to tell the answer? Or were you the hoe who kind of looked down at your desk and essentially did everything to avoid the teacher’s eyes and to avoid drawing attention to yourself so you wouldn’t be called out to give the answer?

If you were the one to raise your hand and you really wanted to tell the answer, why were you so eager to do that? Or if you were the one to almost hide underneath your desk, what was the reason that you felt so reluctant to speak up? Did you want to show your teacher or your fellow classmates that you were smart and knew the answer? Did you want to show that you were brave and that you didn’t mind speaking up? Or were you just a lot more shy and afraid of saying the wrong thing and being afraid of being laughed at?

And how has that changed now that you are older? Do you still behave the same way as when you were a child or has your behavior changed completely? Or do you still have that same initial impulse but you act differently on it?

Do some time travelling for yourself and find out what was the reason behind your behavior and how you have grown since then.Support the show (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/inthrivert)

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Solitude
When you choose to spend time alone in solitude it can be an excellent way of (re)connecting with yourself.

Loneliness
Loneliness is that sense of disconnection with other people, and a sense of belonging.

Steps you can take to feel less lonely.

• Look at who you spend your time with and consider how that is making your feel and just honestly think about maybe making some changes in the people who you hang out with
• Doing something for others can be a great way to feel better and to actually add some meaning to your life
• If it’s possible, talk to someone about how you feel, that doesn’t matter if that is someone from your friends or family or if it’s just someone from a hotline where there are people dedicated to listen to you
• Realize that what you are feeling, those feelings of loneliness, that that is a sign that something is not right in your life and that it needs to change
• Be aware that suffering from loneliness can cause serious risk to your health, both mental and physical

Timestamp
1:27 Solitude
3:44 Loneliness
7:17 What to do against loneliness
7:48 Building meaningful connections
8:54 Who you spend time with
11:48 Doing something for others
13:04 Tell people how you feel
13:57 Loneliness is a sign that something needs to change
14:47 Know the mental and physical risks of loneliness
15:44 Summary

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The three main reasons why people who are more introverted often struggle with brainstorming sessions are:

• The thought process: brainstorming in not very aligned with the thought process of someone who is more introverted
• The time it takes: people who are more introverted often take longer to come up with ideas and suggestions on the spot
• Distractions: people who are more introverted often do best in quiet environments so a brainstorming sessions can actually be very distracting for them

And then we have three ways that can help make it easier for you

• Timing: if you know a brainstorming session is coming up, do the thinking work up front when you have some time for yourself
• Knowing when to contribute: tell people in the group that you will think during the session and give your ideas and suggestions towards the end
• Informing your colleagues: tell your colleagues and manager that brainstorming doesn’t work for you and why. You’d be surprised how understanding people are when you tell them.

Timestamp
1:38 The thought process
2:31 The time it takes
3:25 Distractions
5:10 Timing
6:03 Knowing when to contribute
6:50 Informing your colleagues and manager
8:36 Summary

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There are a couple of reasons why people who are more introverted seek out alone time and are comfortable with it.

· They need time without people so there is less stimulation.
· It allows them to just fully be themselves.
· They can do whatever they want and don’t need to take other people into consideration.
· It’s a great opportunity for them to explore their own thoughts, ideas, and emotions.
· They need the alone time to recharge.

And for people who are more extroverted there are a couple of reasons they generally
avoid spending time alone.

· They need the external stimulation from other people to feel energized.
· They are not as used to and comfortable with exploring their own thoughts and ideas.

And as you can see there is quite the disconnect between the two.

· It seems to be easier for introverts to understand extroverted behavior than the other way around.
· Not behaving inline with the Western norm of social behavior

And lastly, we covered why even introverts are struggling right now with being alone for so
long.

· Because the choice is taken away from us

Timestamp2:23 Why introverts are comfortable being alone
5:52 Why extroverts are more reluctant to be alone
8:09 The disconnect between how introverts and extroverts view time alone
11:20 Why introverts are also struggling with being alone right now
12:29 Summary

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The last remaining part of this introduction series is all about nature versus nurture.

Nature
Temperament
Introversion and extroversion are temperaments which is something innate that you are born with.

Amygdala People who are more introverted have a more reactive amygdala which means they respond more strongly to novelty and sensory stimulation.

Genetics
The D4DR gene is linked to novelty seeking. People who have a long D4DR gene are less sensitive to dopamine and are considered high novelty seekers. People with a short D4DR gene are highly sensitive to dopamine and are considered low novelty seekers.

Hereditary
40-50% of introversion and extroversion is hereditary. The tricky part with that is that it’s an average so it could be that 80% of your introverted behaviour is hereditary whereas someone else only inherited 20% from their parents.

Nurture
Nurture is mostly about how we are raised. When it comes to how we’re raised and all the influences we get from our parents, schools, extended family, religious groups (if you’re part of that), and our communities, that is practically as diverse as the number of people on the planet.

Set points
Set points are a range from, let’s say low to high, that determine how comfortable you are with external stimulation.

Set points are believed to be genetic and vary from person to person. Your set points can be far apart leaving lots of space in between but they can also be close together leaving relatively little space.

Set points overlap with nature and nurture because where along that space you feel comfortable is very much influenced by how you are raised.

If your set points are far apart and your outgoing (more extroverted) behavior is encouraged when growing up, you will most likely feel more comfortablebetween your entire range of set points from low to high. If that same person is discouraged and reprimanded when being more social and outgoing while growing up, that child will feel more comfortable being near the low set point.

If your set points are narrow, regardless of how supportive that child’s surroundings are when growing up, and no matter how much that child is encouraged and rewarded when behaving socially and outgoing, even being at the highest set point, that child might still be very reserved compared to other children.

Nature is a determing factor, whether or not someone is introverted or extroverted, but nurture also plays a significant role in how comfortable a person ends up being with introverted or extroverted behavior.

Timestamp
1:28 Nature
4:14 Nurture

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In this second episode of the introduction series I’ll dive into introversion from a scientific perspective.

1. NeurostransmittersNeurotransmitters are the body’s chemical messengers used by the nervous system to transfer messages. There are numerous neurotransmitters but the two we are going to cover are dopamine and acetylcholine.

Dopamine gives instant and intense hits that make us feel good. Both when we anticipate a reward and when we get the actual reward.

Acetylcholine, also affects the reward system but effects are a lot more subtle. When acetylcholine is released, the rewarding feeling comes in the form of feeling relaxed, at ease, and content.

One way of explaining the difference between introverts and extroverts is that extroverts are less sensitive to dopamine so they simply need more of it to feel good. As a result they more actively seek out situations where more dopamine is produced so they feel rewarded.

People who are more introverted, are more sensitive to dopamine and therefore feel rewarded more quickly. So their drive to seek out rewarding situations is a lot less.

• Dopamine gives instant and intense rewarding hits
• Acetylcholine gives more slow and subtle rewarding hits
• Extroverts are less sensitive to dopamine and are not very receptive to acetylcholine
• Introverts are more sensitive to dopamine and acetylcholine is often enough to make them feel rewarded

2. Nervous systemThe nervous system can be divided into two parts, the sympathetic nervous system, which is known as the fight, freeze, flight system, and the parasympathetic nervous system known as the rest and digest system.

People who are more introverted prefer to have their parasympathetic nervous system to be active most of the time whereas people who are more extroverted prefer to have their sympathetic nervous system active a lot more than introverts do.
3. Blood flow through the brainWhen the sympathetic nervous system is active, blood flows along a shorter path through the brain compared to when the parasympathetic system is active and it also goes through very different parts of the brain.

SummaryPeople who are more extroverted more often have an active sympathetic nervous system known as the fight, freeze, flight system, which is driven by the neurotransmitter dopamine which provides strong instant hits of gratification. People who are more extroverted are also less sensitive to dopamine and, because they more often have an active sympathetic nervous system, the blood flow through their brain follows a shorter pathway.

Extroverted - sympathetic nervous system - dopamine - shorter blood flow pathway through the brain.

People who are more introverted more often have an active parasympathetic nervous system known as the rest and digest system, which is driven by the neurotransmitter acetylcholine which provides more subtle hits of gratification. People who are more introverted are more sensitive to dopamine and, because they more often have an active parasympathetic nervous system, the blood flow through the brain follows a longer pathway.

Introverted - parasympathetic nervous system - acetylcholine - longer blood flow pathway through the brain

Introversion and extroversion are not black and white, you are not introverted or extroverted but a combination of both. Introversion and extroversion comes down to what we prefer and how we behave and we all have both introverted and extroverted tendencies.

Timestamp
1:00 Neurotransmitters
6:02 The nervous system
7:53 Blood flow through the brain

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In this first introduction episode I’ll cover three main differences between introversion and extroversion.

1. Energy management
There is quite a difference between how introverts and extroverts deal with their energy. In “The Introvert’s Advantage”, one of the ground-breaking books on introversion, Marti Laney compares introverts with a rechargeable battery and extroverts with a solar panel.

Extroverts:
- Need that external stimulation to charge up
- They charge up by being around people and store enough energy to feel energized when
alone for a while

Introverts:
- Need quiet time alone to charge up
- When they have enough energy build up, they can go and engage with people for a while

Both more rapidly run out of energy when not in an environment that charges them. Neither is right or wrong, just different.

In Western society, we put a premium on social interaction which makes it more difficult for introverts.

Everyone thrives on a different quantity and also quality of social interaction. As an introvert you should not feel embarrassed or shamed when leaving a social event after just one hour if that's what you want to do.

2. Sensitivity to external stimuli
Introverts and extroverts respond differently to external stimuli. By the time someone who is more extroverted starts to feel the stimulation, someone who is more introverted might very well already be overstimulated.

I quickly feel overwhelmed by the sounds, smells, lights, and crowd when walking into a crowded bar. I can stay for a while but soon after I will want to leave and I feel more calm and relaxed the further from the bar I go and I look forward to some quiet alone time at home.

At the same time, extroverts are excited by going to a bar. To them, everything that often is overwhelming for an introvert, is inviting for them. They look forward to being able to talk to everyone and get a little bit of all the conversations.

3. Depth vs breath
Introverts are not always deep thinkers and extroverts are not shallow or superficial.

Introverts often prefer to skip small talk and go into more deep and meaningful conversations, even when they have just met someone. Small talk and gossip do not stimulate an introvert.

Extroverts are more often okay with jumping from group to group, getting the highlights of the conversation and adding a bit themselves before moving on to a different group to see what they are talking about.

Timestamp
2:52 Energy management
5:21 Sensitivity to external stimuli
7:07 Depth vs breath

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The Inthrivert podcast centers around increasing awareness and understanding about introversion and to serve as a beacon for introverts to look towards while navigating their life in a world that seems to favor extroverted behavior.

Throughout this podcast, I’ll try to give you some insight into what life is like for someone who is highly introverted while living in a place where most people don’t understand what introversion is all about.

we’ll dive into life as an introverted student, life as an introverted employee, and of course we’ll cover many more general introversion related topics.

I'm sure many introverts will be able to recognize and relate to the topics.

In the future the goal is to bring on other introverts and have them share their journey and inspire others.

A quick 3 question test to give you a rough indication if you're more introverted yourself.
1. How comfortable are you with small talk?
2. How quickly after arriving at a party do you feel like leaving?
3. How much do you enjoy time alone?
If you’re leaning more towards, I don’t really like small talk, I want to leave a party rather quickly, and I enjoy time alone, then you probably lean more towards the introverted side.

The twofold aim of this podcast.
First, I sincerely hope that those who are more introverted but don’t know much about it will gain a lot more insight into what introversion is and get to the point that they feel confident about their own introverted nature.

Second, Regardless of your role in life, I hope that, through this podcast, you will gain a better understanding for your students, employees, teachers, colleagues, friends, and family members who are more introverted. Because to me, it all starts with understanding.

Want to find out more, be sure to listen to the first series of three episodes that focus on:
- The main difference between introversion and extroversion
- Introversion from a scientific perspective
- Introversion from a nature versus nurture angle

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