Reclamation: Recent Episodes
Jennifer Magnano
Speaking LIFE into mothers on a personal or familial journey with maternal-child mental health
jennifermagnano.substack.com
Welcome to episode three of our mini series dedicated to maternal (and in this episode paternal) mental health at the intersection of grief for caregiving bodies. Each listening session centers on our human experience and expansion in wildness and how we might just survive (and maybe even thrive!) in this lifetime with the specific path we've been given.
Dear Soul Tender,
Meet J.S. Park. If you have read any of Joon’s posts over the years, you might just believe he’s superhuman. Joon is a chaplain, social activist and 6th degree black belt who is simultaneously the father of two young children who often offers us so much life through his soulful shares. Beyond his two living children, he and his wife also know loss. In this episode, Joon shares with us what it looks like to grieve while giving care and to give care while giving care - quite literally.
This conversation runs the spectrum from caregiving as a chaplain for a 1000 bed hospital to caregiving at home through maternal mental health and paternal mental health challenges during the pandemic. Jennifer and Joon talk about the expectations of parenthood (and bounceback culture), false narratives, miscarriage, vulnerability, social media, reality, holding grief and holding ourselves as caregiving bodies in grief.
Joon’s new (fantastic) book As Long As You Need is now out! Find it on Amazon, Bookshop.org or in your local bookstore today.
I see you, I see you, I see you.
Thank you for spending time with me this week, beautiful human. Dear Soul Tender is a newsletter meant to align us with our potential as caregivers and/or mothers - always. Stay tuned for more conversations on maternal mental health this month and the next edition of Our Body, a column for us who hold everything and ourselves. As always, we’re in this growth together.
Get full access to Dear Soul Tender at jennifermagnano.substack.com/subscribe
Welcome to episode two of our mini series dedicated to maternal mental health at the intersection of grief for caregiving bodies. Each listening session centers on our human experience and expansion in wildness and how we might just survive (and maybe even thrive!) in this lifetime with the specific path we've been given.
Dear Soul Tender,
Meet Dr. Christy Bauman a seasoned expert in women's spiritual and sexual health, the author of a plethora of extraordinary books including Theology of the Womb, A Brave Lament and the upcoming Her Rites, a musician, and the mother of both physically alive children and multiple angels.
This conversation centers the reality of a postpartum period, season and time for caregiving bodies (not just birthing bodies) and bearing witness to both the joys and griefs experienced by both mothers and mothering bodies (because we all can mother). Beyond this, Jennifer and Christy expand into a simple and necessary message highlighting the importance of community care and intergenerational support for intergenerational impact.
What happens when we ask, seek and find the caregiving we need most?
Tune in and find out.
Looking for Dr. Christy’s new book Her Rites? Find it on Amazon, Bookshop.org or request it in your local bookstore today. You can also find her new album by the same name now live on all apps!
I love you and I see you, soul friend.
New here? Dear Soul Tender is a safe, sacred space fulls of essays, conversations and collaborations centered on the intersectionality of our pain and how it impacts the (individual and collective) caregiving body. Each love letter honors topics that matter to us - broaching feminism and human rights, disability, identity, motherhood, mental health and more. My promise here? You will be pointed back to Radical Love over and over again allowing you to show up in the wholeness, fullness and richness that you already are for yourself, your kids, your neighbor, and the whole wide world.
Get full access to Dear Soul Tender at jennifermagnano.substack.com/subscribe
Dear Soul Tender,
Our time together begins.
Welcome to episode one of our listening series dedicated to maternal (and in this episode child) mental health at the intersection of grief for caregiving bodies. Each interview posted centers on our human experience and expansion in wildness and how we might just survive (and maybe even thrive!) in this lifetime with the specific path we've been given.
If it honors your journey, I invite you to begin with this prayer before we engage in this sacred, real and raw story of one of God’s beloveds.
God of the untold, Protect us. Too often, we have had our pain used to make other people feel like they have achieved the farce of intimacy. We are weary of communal spaces that ask us to bear ourselves for their sake, without ever becoming thoughtful about how they will care for us in the wake of our exposure. Reveal these moments as fleeting sentimentality and protect us from their draw. Liberate us from the lie that vulnerability is an accurate portrait of relational goodness. Remind us that some stories aren't meant for everyone, and that Is good and okay. If we open ourselves to others, may it only be in the presence of those who are capable keepers of our true selves. And in the presence of those who are more interested in using us to rouse emotion in their emptiness, help us to choose ourselves, our wholeness; that we would practice a sacred withholding that mirrors the one who made us. Amen.
- “For Vulnerability” from Black Liturgies by Cole Arthur Riley
Meet Marcie Alvis Walker, author of Everybody Come Alive: A Memoir in Essays, the hands and heart behind Substack newsletter Black Eyed Stories, content creator for Black Coffee with White Friends, and a fantastic human who shows up in such a way that we are pointed back to love over and over again. In this episode, Marcie shares with us what it looks like to stay honest with ourselves and our beloveds in the tightest spaces including maternal-child mental health.
This conversation does not tread lightly on real, raw life. As two mothers who have been challenged to create safe, loving spaces for themselves and their children in a world full of (people and) institutions that create and perpetuate harm, especially in faith spaces, Jennifer and Marcie cover vast ground. Here, Marcie expands upon her experience as the youngest child in a Black family deeply affected and yet seemingly not-forever-burdened-by the challenge of her mother’s expression of Schizoaffective Disorder - and, how this initial thread weaves into the story of her own mothering, inclusive of the life-altering journey of parenting a child at the intersection of faith, identity, gender and mental health.
You can find Marcie’s work at Black Eyed Stories on Substack and her phenomenal book Everybody Come Aliveat major booksellers, Bookshop.org, and on Amazon.
And let us know what you think of this episode, soul friend.
I see you.
New here? Dear Soul Tender is a safe, sacred space where you can find a diverse and inclusive assortment of life-giving topics related to caregiving, feminism (and human rights) at the intersection of disability, pain, identity and motherhood. My promise here is to remind you of how to love well: yourself, your kids, your neighbor, and the whole wide world.
Get full access to Dear Soul Tender at jennifermagnano.substack.com/subscribe
What if I told you we’re carving out some time - in the form of an audio/video mini series - dedicated to maternal mental health at the intersection of grief for caregiving bodies? What if I told you these messages are for everyone? What if, together, we leaned into the idea that there are certain experiences (most really) that truly touch all of our lives? Whether you are a mother, you mother other brilliant souls as a caregiving body, or you have experienced mothering in any capacity, ever, I believe that our May listening sessions will bless you right where you are at, today.
Featuring some of the most influential voices in the spaces of motherhood, caregiving, human rights and grief, Marcie Alvis Walker, J.S. Park, Dr. Christy Bauman and Emelda De Coutea each join us for this first round. These interviews center on our shared human experience, and our expansion in wildness honoring the specific paths we've been given. Because, honestly, it would be far too easy to contract and turn the other way.
Make sure you check your inbox on Wednesday for our first listening session, darling soul. We begin with Marcie Alvis Walker, best known as Black Coffee with White Friends on Instagram, the author of Everybody Come Alive and the Substack writer behind Black Eyed Stories who happens to know what it’s like to both be mothered by someone who has experienced mental illness and to mother a child who is living with mental illness.
I love you and I see you, soul friend.
New here? Dear Soul Tender is a safe, sacred space where you can find a diverse and inclusive assortment of life-giving topics related to caregiving, feminism (and human rights) at the intersection of disability, pain, identity and motherhood. My promise here is to remind you of how to love well: yourself, your kids, your neighbor, and the whole wide world.
Get full access to Dear Soul Tender at jennifermagnano.substack.com/subscribe
Once each month we send out a special edition of Hope Notes with the live recording of our Moms for Mental Health speaker. This is that edition. We began our “More Than Mom” series with Shanicka Vail House this weekend with a conversation entitled Even If. Let us know what you think.
What if God said that you had to experience loss in order to speak life into more beautiful, wonderful humans? What if…
Would you understand it? Could you?
On Saturday, we received a glimpse into just such a story. A story that is still unfolding. As Shanicka spoke to us about knowing self by knowing God - a conversation she named “Even If” - she received news of another deeply personal and painful loss (please keep her in your prayers, friends).
“As painful and frustrating as some of these real life things can be, we gain a greater revelation of who God is, who God is to us, and how to walk in relationship with others who are not like us - and we gain a greater revelation of self… who we are.”
- Shanicka Vail House, My Transparent Moments
As I personally listened and leaned into Shanicka's conversation with our Abba God (link above) it so resonated with my own journey. If you've been with me for any length of time, you know that over the last decade there has been an absurdity or twelve.
Shanicka amplified something we’ve heard time and again in our Moms for Mental Health group - that even if the outcome doesn’t look like what we desired it to look like God is still good. As Christy Bauman spoke of last semester, he’s also parent. Which means even if it the path doesn’t feel good, it might just be for our good.
Can I get an amen if this does and doesn’t make sense at exactly the same time?
I am no stranger to “Even If” moments, love.
And I’m willing to bet you aren’t either. Moments where we clearly reside at the intersection of faith and absurdity (forgive me Jesus) where we want to say, “even if it hurts, my God is with me” but can’t exist.
Questions for reflection.
Even if God does not (insert one of your big bold prayers here) how will you continue your faith walk?
Shanicka says, “The faith that only lands on if you will leaves me completely shattered if he doesn’t. But the faith that stands on because I know you can causes me to worship even when the outcome is not in my foreseeable favor or if it is not my desired result.” What does your worship life look like? What ground does your faith life stand upon?
One of my favorite ways to pray is to thank God for what has already been done (I reflect on the gift of Jesus’ humanity daily). If you were to look back at your journey, where has God shown up? Does this change your relationship?
We’ve called this series “More Than Mom” because our culture has placed an emphasis on this identity over anything else, often. If you were to place the emphasis of your personal identity on whose you are over whom you care for, would that change any aspect of your life today?
Whew. This conversation was a big one, dear one.
The mysterious ways of God can either upend our faith or drive us to a deeper space of reverence.
Which path will you choose?
“Through every absurdity this is our work: we tell the whole truth about life, and we praise God in all of it, for it is only in the truth that we can really see (and feel) Christ’s presence.” - Andy Squyres
Catch you back here, soon.
Much love,
J.
Jennifer Magnano
jennifermagnano.com
If you are not yet receiving our free bi-monthly newsletter for those who are clinging to some semblance of faith on the real, raw ride that is maternal-child mental health, it’s a great time to sign up. You are seen here, dear one. I promise.
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Let this month’s audio recording be your reminder that there is a strength outside of you that will get you through.
I can't explain it.
We can't explain it.
Yet, it exists.
And when we hand over the reigns to this something greater MAGIC (somehow) manifests.
Often I imagine that if we could just hand over the reigns like a child, life would be filled with such greater ease. Yet also, the wondering of “who will heal me” can bring us down, down, down as adults.
There is both goodness and hardness in handing it all over.
So, we set our eyes on something bigger than us.
What about you?
For me, “manifested magic” looks like peace in hard spaces and places because I’ve looked up. Sometimes it looks like a shift in perspective, because I’ve looked up. And sometimes it looks like a message leading others to higher ground (hello, like hearts like Vanessa, @the_grateful_v), because - once again - I’ve looked up.
Dear ones, I don't know if it happens to everyone every single time, but in my world - my Abba makes my messes a message for the masses, too.
We invite you to listen to our audio recording of Saturday morning to dig deeper where Vanessa speaks life into Seeking God, neuroplasticity, and chronic disease.
Forward and onward, loves.
J.
Jennifer
mfmh.org
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What if someone told you that tomorrow you would wake up and it would be a terrible, awful, all around not-very-good day?
What if that someone was you?
A significant part of our human experience is to know pain, dear ones. For some strange reason, it is just how life goes. And while I-for-one cannot doubt that terrible, awful, and all around not-very-good days exist… I can also not give thanks enough for the brief moments, days, and perhaps weeks where goodness does persist.
In listening to Christy Bauman speak life into this space of God and grief and goodness and all of the stuffs of in-between, I was reminded of the many moments where grief has overtaken the lens through which I view the world.
I wrote about my own journey with one of the many paths of grief (living with chronic disease) this weekend:
Where are you God?
It’s the Monday after my diagnosis and grief herself has rolled in. She whispers obscenities, strange in my ear. She says all the things that I would never say out loud. I speak life.
But grief, she speaks death, dear one. She speaks endings and loss and chaos and confusion and struggle and strife. She speaks the language of women unseen - not just me myself, but my women - my readers, network of fellow disease warriors and special needs parents, my ancestors, and the community of humans who also walk with and through (and often not far beyond) the lens of pain... (more)
Reading Christy’s book A Brave Lament, dedicated to her son Jackson Brave born-still in 2008, literally took me to the floor to weep with her and her partner. It challenged my lens… how I look at life, death, and what I’ve begun to refer to as the “art” of lament.
One of my favorite moments of our conversation with Christy was when she said something along the line of this:
God is God all the time. God is parent all the time. But God is not good all the time.
What happens when we look at our Abba God and do not see good - but parent? Does it challenge your theology? A few years ago, a similar thought challenged mine. As a parent, I am not always “good” in my children’s eyes. Do I give them candy every day and allow them to color on my walls and stay up until 2 am watching YouTube videos on DIY slime? Or do I give them clean food and healthy boundaries?
God is parent.
I encourage you to join me in conversation about this below.
(Make sure you take a moment to listen to Christy’s testimony, first.)
When life doesn’t look like we planned
As we part ways, I want to leave you with one more read for the week ahead. I thought these words by Amy Brown might resonate with you as they did with me:
When I stop and look at my companion my perspective changes… (more)
Can God be both parent and companion?
For me, it’s a yes.
For me, it’s a BIG yes.
Giveaway
One last note! We’ll be giving away Christy’s book A Brave Lament on social media this week. Make sure you are following us to be entered to win!
See you soon,
Jennifer
mfmh.org | instagram | facebook
Get to know Christy Bauman here
To continue reading brilliant words from women I personally have come to know and love at the intersection of faith, motherhood, and mental health, subscribe to our Hope Notes.
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Breathe, mama.
Breathe.
On my recent travels with my tiny person who struggles with her mental health, I had an opportunity to do just this - breathe. We popped out of the city and into nature for a long weekend… and I can truly say that the impact this time had on my soul was profound.
For one, I had to stretch my own mental capacity to embrace that life isn’t always hard. We actually had an amazing time - with meltdowns taking up very little time.
Yet when I sat down to our Moms for Mental Health meeting that Saturday morning - in a precious little camper with decent wi-fi and frogs as loud as frogs can be - I was in a pretty awful mood. The first day of hiking had gone well! But I was stuck. Stuck on the brief hardness that came afterwards; and honestly, I was preparing myself for more hardness.
Listening to my dear friend Terri speak (audio attached) did something for me I really didn’t expect.
It brought me to The Well.
Will you?
Meet The Samaritan Woman
Let me set the scene: There is this woman who goes to the well for water - she’s on husband number five, I believe. And we get the impression that she is looking for something to ease her troubles here. Water? Maybe. The comfort of yet another human’s arms? We don’t know. What we do know is that she meets Jesus. And Jesus knows everything. (Everything.) In this, Jesus still offers himself as food for her soul: life-giving water to wash away the pain.
The Samaritan woman is transformed.
She runs back to the town saying, “Come, see a man, which told me all things that ever I did…”
Listening to this story again… and to Terri’s meditation (scroll down) brought me into a space of recognition - that often, I still go to “the well” (my own coping mechanisms and ideas that may influence healing in our home) instead of to the One who himself is a never-ending source of life.
What would happen if I didn’t?
What if I chose Jesus, first?
Pictured: Friday’s hike from Amitabha Stupa to Chimney Rock Summit in Sedona.
I’d like to leave you with some wisdom from Terri’s talk. After we finished recording and had some great conversation as a group, she shared this beautiful meditation.
A Mindful Moment
Take a moment to breathe before you read this meditation. Close your eyes. A few more breaths.
Imagine yourself at the well…
What does Jesus say when all of you is exposed - your choices… others choices… hurts, bitterness, resentment, grief… what does he say?
What do you say to yourself?
Breathe, Mom.
Now, read this:
I'd tell her its not all on her. She doesn't have to try harder, be stronger or push more. She can rest. Soon her feelings will align with her faith. Even if her faith falters and feels weak, it doesn't depend on her. Blessings aren't coming if she just believes more, has more faith, does more good or prays harder. She has a mustard seed and that's all she needs. He will do the rest.
She can fall into His arms. She can sit with Him awhile. She can let him take the burden.
Easy and light.
Her whole life has felt hard and difficult. She's had to hold it all. Not just for her but for others too. Giving it over, letting go. It's not easy but the thought of it thrills her. Could she really just lay it all down at his Feet? Could she rise up no longer carrying the weight on her shoulders?
I'd tell her to silence the lies, to be still. To wait. I'd tell her busyness is a distraction. I'd tell her to sit with him awhile longer, breathe him in. Get to know the smell of his presence, the touch of his goodness, the taste of his nearness. Get to know the rhythm of his heart. Steady, Constant, Good.
I'd tell her He is Sovereign. That he uses even this, for good. That nothing is wasted in his economy. That there is redemption in an upside down kingdom. And that as He weaves this tapestry, somehow pain has purpose, loss is gain and hurt finds healing.
I'd tell her to stop striving. Stop trying to impress or do better or do more. I'd tell her to fall into the ocean of Grace where she is loved, chosen and held. I'd tell her to live and move and have her being solely in Him.
I'd tell her to find joy in the smallest of things, to take delight in the most simple pleasures, to know Hope and Peace are a person not a prize to obtain.
I'd tell her to dive head over heels madly crazy in love with the one who created her inmost being. The one who knows her. The one in whom she is seen.
The one in whom she is seen.
As we part ways, may we remind you how very seen you are - dear one. So very, very seen.
Until we meet again,
Jennifer
mfmh.org
jennifermagnano.com
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Honestly, I don’t "do it all." Some of you might think I do. But I don’t. Which is why you MUST, must, must meet Amy Brown.
Amy is not only a mom who is “ahead of me” (and maybe you, too) on this wild parenting ride, but she has a wealth of experience digging into both scripture and life to really and truly thrive - right here, right now.
She says beautiful things like…
And in that moment, I feel seen.
Obviously I tear up a bit, too.
Because so often, women like me… like us… we’re not seen.
Invisible disease plus a child with an invisible disability (unless you’re with us for a bit) - makes my journey awfully hard. At times there have even been comments that our journey’s don’t even exist… or count.
But with Amy - and with God - they do count.
They really, really do.
I hope you’ll take the time to listen to Amy’s talk on Hagar from this weekend.
And let us know your takeaways here or on Instagram.
Love to you always,
Jennifer
mfmh.org
jennifermagnano.com
Psst - you can join our next LIVE community chat on March 20th. I hope you will.
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Today’s newsletter includes some Sunday night thoughts and soundbytes for your best Monday morning! I would love to hear what you think. Should we share more?
Necessary joy and other things
Writing took over every free moment this past week. I write content for a few incredible businesses when I’m not with my doula clients… or schooling my small-ish kids.
It felt wonderful.
I really, really wanted to send out my MP3 from our SEEN study last weekend. I did! But I can’t apologize for necessary joy.
Can I suggest that you don’t apologize for necessary joy, too? I mean, if you’re missing deadlines and such, perhaps there might be some shifts in order. If you are pushing off one passion project for another, though… in this season… maybe there is no apology.
I traded one joy for another.
What if we all thought of joy as necessary, by the way?
One day soon I’ll write about how I stopped apologizing for everything. About how it’s okay to take up space… to exist. About how finding joy changed my life when I was bed-bound, unable to care for my one-year-old blessed babe 10 years ago… back broken, spirit humbled…
I will absolutely ramble if I dig into this though.
So instead - consider listening to the first of five segments on being SEEN… loved… as you are.
Even if you do not listen in on our talk from our last Moms for Mental Health meetup, I do want to urge you to note the last time you felt seen.
Some questions to provoke your joy journey this week:
When have you cried out and how has God answered?
When has light wiped out the darkest night?
If you’re crying out now – how’s your soul?
Have you carved out time to process and integrate and digest, yet? To cry out as Hannah cried out?
My dear secret mentor and fellow survivor Kate Bowler says
“Sometimes we accidently assign a bright side to people’s deepest pain.”
We aren’t sugarcoating your pain in our group - in these questions, in this newsletter.
Also, I’d like to say that joy and pain are not exclusive soul contracts. We can experience both… at the same time… and even in the same day.
What do you think?
I’d love to hear from you, friend. Comment below.
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