Growing Happy Families: Recent Episodes
Kim Lee-Own
Raising children isn't easy. When things get challenging it can leave parents feeling like they are failing at the most important job in the world. This podcast aims to help calm the chaos, respond to the rivalry and help the happy, so you can get on with growing your small people and feeling like you're a good parent, making a difference in their lives.
We hear loads about resolutions, goals and outcomes around New Year. We set them for our personal life - like a fitness goal or a for business, - a certain sales turnover for example.
It got me wondering if feeling aligned as a family and as a parent, could be helped by having a plan?
When you began thinking of life with a family, probably even before babies came along, you may have had a vision, a dream of what family life would look like. Then, when babies come along, life gets busy, coping with a new child, add in work, adjusting to the changes in dynamics etc. That dream may get lost in the day-to-day coping, with the things that are going on in the house.
What would it be like to have a new look at a vision for our family, so our parenting can serve us in what we want for our children, for our family.
Have a listen, see what you think...
If you like this podcast and would like to keep in touch, please visit my website, where you can sign up for my newsletter and occasional events notifications. You will get a free pdf with information about the Five Secrets to Happy Children, a super simple system to help raise confident, responsible, independent (and happy!) kiddos.
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You can contact me at kim@heartfeltthinking.com
Thanks for listening !
September brings so many changes and transitions for the family to get used to - and not just the little ones! For them, though, it can be quite a big adjustment from the relative freedom of summer to routine in autumn.
Perhaps it's Big School for the first time, maybe a change of classroom, teacher or expectations. Perhaps there is a move to a different school and the loss of friendship groups. Even for older children or teens, this can be a challenging adjustment - huge, for their first look at an apprenticeship, student life or work.
In this episode, we look at some gentle ways of easing the stress and challenges of transitioning from one time to another. Finding ways to help our young ones to cope with the changes that are inevitable in our lives and equip them with the courage, confidence and skills to make it through.
Some of the ideas may well translate into helping us big people too!
A very important component of communication, (Secret No. 1 of the Five Secrets to Happy Children), is listening actively. After all, communication is a two-way process and we sometimes focus on getting our message across first and foremost - and forget the other half of the process. Listening actively is SOOOOO important if we are going to have successful communications with our kiddos (and other people in general, to be honest!).
In his amazing book, Seven Habits of Highly Effective Parents, Dr Stephen Covey said, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood." Such wise words. And in order to understand, we must listen - and listen well.
In this episode of the podcast we discuss how listening can help us nurture our relationship with our kiddos, and help us understand what is going on for them, (super-important when we start trying to understand and identify children's needs - Secret No 2 of the Five Secrets to Happy Children).
In fact, listening actively can be an amazing superpower for being a parent and growing happy families as well as being a human and interacting with others!
Finally, Kim and Mairi discuss some quick tips that help take things to even better levels of understanding your young ones and nurturing lovely relationships.
Enjoy!
Parenting isn't easy at the best of times. There's always something to do! If you have additional responsibilities on your to-do list as well, is it any wonder sometimes things gets missed?
Trouble is, what often gets missed is looking after your own needs. They get put aside while you see to the needs of every other person that you care for. And someone always needs something! So what can you do? Because if you continue neglecting your needs, you could find yourself with nothing left in the tank - and that's not going to end well for anyone!
In this episode, Kim has a couple of simple shares that might help you to meet your needs as well as keeping everyone else happy. Tweaks which don't add a huge load to your busy life, but might just keep things on an even keel.
In this episode, Kim plays around with a creative idea, comparing 'Helicopter' parenting with 'Ninja' Parenting.
Maybe you've heard the expression 'Helicopter Parenting' which describes hovering around, taking a lot of interest in the children's activities, swooping in to make sure everything is managed and fixing any glitches in plans or processes to ensure that nothing upsets the day.
In comparison, Kim & Mairi discuss how 'Ninja Parenting' can take a less attention-heavy approach, with observation 'from the shadows' and allowing children to find solutions themselves, only stepping in to show children how to do something new or to prevent danger or harm.
Allowing kids to sort things out for themselves can be very encouraging, helps foster independence and builds resilience and persistence. Hear what Kim and Mairi discuss in thinking about this idea!
Many times, raising children, you will find yourself faced with things that go wrong! It might be accidents - major or minor, or a fight between siblings, homework that hasn't been done or a sports kit that hasn't been washed ready for lessons.
Whatever is happening, often we parents like to spin round fast, put on our superhero cloak and swoosh in, to rescue and fix. Now, sometimes that is definitely the right thing to do, especially if there's injury and danger. But there are occasions when we might make more work for ourselves all in service of feeling like we're being good parents, only to find that we feel exhausted and resentful if the children continue expecting to be helped out at any given moment.
What we probably want, is for our children to learn how to sort things and solve problems for themselves. But we have to help them learn how!
This is where the four little words come in!
This conversation is about helping children think things through...
Change is a constant in our lives. Whether it is going from holiday time to school time, from one school to another, moving from house to house between parents, or studying and preparing for exams, there is always some transition from one 'place' to another.
For children and young people, this can be a challenge at the best of times, and during the pandemic, there has been an added layer of uncertainty to spice things up!
This episode is a conversation between Kim and Mairi, looking at the kinds of things that might be helpful to parents, grandparents and others with caring responsibilities, to outline some thoughts that might be helpful to help kids manage change.
In this episode, Kim & Mairi talk about how sometimes our 'parent' buttons get pushed and we jump into protective mode, and come out all ready for a fight!
Often this button is more related to something that was a sensitive spot for ourselves as children and is not necessarily in our child's best interests.
If we look at the bigger picture, we can see that our job as a parent is to prepare children for being grown-up. Therefore, it might serve them better if we allow (where it's safe and possible for them to do so), the children to learn to find their own solutions to challenges.
We look at how this might be achieved.
This episode was originally recorded during lockdown 3 in February 2021 but didn't get used immediately.
The ideas around encouragement are still useful though, as we continue to adjust to post-lockdown life and getting back to doing all the things we have to do in the everyday.
Challenging times need lots of encouragement to deal with. But how do we do it? Firstly, understanding what encouragement actually is. Describing the difference between praise and encouragement and why knowing the difference is important. Encouragement is the act of increasing courage - the everyday kind.
Self-encouragement is important because living in the world is challenging and learning how to be encouraging to ourselves is a huge skill to develop - so even if our cheerleading team isn't around, we can keep ourselves resourced. We all need to feel connected, valued and competent in the world. This episode offers some thoughts on how to do that - for yourself and others.
Often when people think about Parent Groups, they feel anxious and worried that they will be labelled as bad parents, who can't look after their children - or that their issues and worries are too trivial to take to a group.
in this episode of the Growing Happy Families podcast, I talk with Mairi about how the Five Secrets to Happy Children Taster session coming up on May 25th, are an opportunity to experience what the Masterclass series will be like, and will actually give you some time to think about a real-world problem, with an activity and opportunity for discussion.
Finding the right kind of space, where you feel safe to explore all sorts of ideas and issues around being a parent, raising children, celebrating achievements and successes as well as looking at where you might want to explore different alternatives, is the most important thing of all. After all, you're working on making things better, no matter what your starting point.
The tasters are an opportunity without obligation or further commitment, to have a go, and if you're interested in hearing more, a space to find out more about the Five Secrets and how they might be useful to you.
Registration for the sessions on May 25th, either at 11.30-1.30 or 7pm-9pm, is available on Eventbrite, if you follow this link: https://www.subscribepage.com/five-secrets-tasters
Because of the COVID-19 Pandemic, there's been a lot of news broadcasting and discussion about the situation. It's everywhere! There is often no let-up in the talk around death, dying and lots of other scary stuff.
How do we handle this overwhelming amount of information, for ourselves and especially for our children, and help them to handle the anxiety and fear that this deluge of information can provoke?
Notice Behaviours
Look for behaviours that are not usual for your child and help them find their way through the difficult times and difficult feelings.
Model How to Handle Stress
Find small, simple actions that children can copy and help them find ways of calming and relaxing themselves.
Exercise
Even a short walk can help alleviate the fight/flight response hormones and lower children's level of arousal.
Self-Care
It is important to do this for ourselves and extremely important for us to model this for our children, so they can understand how to look after and resource themselves.
Further information available:
https://heartfeltthinking.com
Email: kim@heartfeltthinking.com
Sometimes we parents regard what our kids do as the problem: something broken, that needs fixing.
As the poet, Amanda Gorman says, in the beautiful poem "The Hill We Climb" that she performed at President Biden's Inauguration, "we are not broken but unfinished". This is a wonderful reframe for how we can look at the role of a parent, bringing up children.
Taking the different view of 'unfinished rather than broken' allows parents to move back from fire-fighting problems and step into a more reflective, thoughtful place, and take a look at what may be beneath the 'surface' behaviours. to address the child's unfulfilled need. That way, parenting becomes teaching moments instead of fixing and firefighting.
Further information available:
https://heartfeltthinking.com
Email: kim@heartfeltthinking.com
How do we bring our children through the intensely stressful times we live in, such as lockdown and the pandemic and manage to keep our health and sanity?
The answer is self-care. But how do we find the space when we are already stressed and stretched thin? Finding the smallest actions of self-care - as opposed to a day at the spa - that can keep us moving forward is first off, a mindset shift. So how do we do it?
In this episode of the podcast, Kim and Mairi break things down into small steps and talk about why it's important to make time for self-care, in order to keep going and be able to support the children and others in your life.
Further information is available at:
Website: https://heartfeltthinking.com
Email: kim@heartfeltthinking.com
Special occasions are just that! - Special! - We want things to go really well for everyone, ourselves included.
How do we keep our cool and help the kids to remain calm during exciting times?
The answer is planning and factoring in kids' needs, so we can head off misbehaviour and consider ideas for getting others to help with the kids (and you), to help keep things harmonious and make it a good occasion for everyone - including you - so all the hard work and effort results in enjoyable and happy, not exhausting and frazzled!
For more information:
Website: https://heartfeltthinking.com
Email: kim@heartfeltthinking.com
As adults and parents/carers, when things aren't going as happily or as successfully as we want, we may well feel like we are failing at the most important task of our lives - bringing up our young ones.
When we think we are failing, we might well focus on the 'bad stuff' - those failings - and start beating ourselves up for being bad parents and that makes for a hard time.
In this episode, Kim and Mairi are talking about turning things around and looking for the strengths we have and what actions we are taking so that we can begin to encourage ourselves first and foremost and nurture our courage and resilience. That way, we can keep motivated and optimistic about the future.
If our children are misbehaving, they are feeling discouraged. We have to have a stable, courageous outlook ourselves if we want to help our young ones to learn responsibility, independence and the qualities and skills needed to be a good human.
Website: https://heartfeltthinking.com
Email: kim@heartfeltthinking.com
How did the idea for Growing Happy Families come about?
The COVID-19 pandemic has had a massive and fundamental effect on everyone. Having to be confined to home, unable to visit family and friends, or even go to school, because of lockdown has meant the community that we are all used to has changed completely. This podcast grew out of a wish to offer small ideas to help families to survive the strange times and keep finding ways to connect, to find ways of getting along with each other better and to encourage each other to grow and thrive even when life is tough.
For more information:
HTTPS://heartfeltthinking.com
Email: kim@heartfeltthinking.com