Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship: Recent Episodes

Nina Badzin

DEAR NINA features honest conversations about the ups and downs of friendship.
Why didn't your friend text you back? Why didn't your friend include you in her birthday dinner? It's because she's mad at you. Kidding, she's probably not. But maybe she is? See what I mean! Friendship is tricky, even for grownups.

I'm your host, Nina Badzin. Since 2014 I've been fostering discussions about the nitty gritty of adult friendships with sensitivity and practicality in my advice column. The podcast has been referenced in The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, The Guardian, The Chicago Tribune, The Minneapolis Star Tribune, and elsewhere.

Instagram and Tiktok: @dearninafriendship
All links: linktr.ee/ninabadzin

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Ever feel like your friendships are trapped in the very general "how are you?" catch-up loop? Award-winning journalist Jonah Kaplan joins me to talk about moving from small talk to something more substantive that feeds connection. Jonah has spent two decades covering difficult stories for CBS and WCCO, and he’s learned that the best conversations—on camera or off—come from curiosity, empathy, and follow-up questions that go beyond the obvious.

In a world of quick texts, busy schedules, and constant scrolling, it’s easy to keep friendships at the surface level. But the friendships that truly sustain us are the ones with depth. Related to the October friendship challenge for Dear Nina listeners, Jonah is an excellent guide for asking questions that bring conversations to another level.

WE COVER:

  • How to reframe small talk (try “What surprised you most about your trip?” instead of “How was it?”)
  • Creating connection through conversation: don’t wait for invitations—initiate
  • Reading the room so vulnerability feels safe, not forced
  • Why men need deeper conversations, too
  • How honest conflict can make a friendship stronger
  • The power of mixed-age friendships to keep you growing
  • What friendship and journalism have in common

MEET JONAH KAPLAN:

Jonah Kaplan is an award-winning journalist (and the son of two rabbis!) who has built a strong reputation for his balanced reporting, thoughtful interviews, and deeply researched coverage of high-impact issues affecting the community. His work appears on all of WCCO's newscasts and is often featured on CBS News' programs and platforms, including the CBS Evening News, CBS Mornings and CBS 24/7. (See Jonah's full bio at cbsnews.com/team/jonah-kaplan/). Find him on Facebook or on 'X' at @JonahPKaplan.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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You're probably not asking your friends enough questions.This month’s Friendship Challenge is simple but powerful: ask your friends more questions. (Way more than you think you should.) Trust me, people notice when you're not asking questions.

One of my most viral TikToks from last fall was when I talked about "the friend who never asks about you." It has over 90K views and over 400 comments. People had NEGATIVE feelings and lots to say about friends who don't ask questions.

To help us all do better with asking questions, I discussed one chapter from a book I loved earlier this year called Talk: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves by Harvard Business School professor Alison Wood Brooks.

This month's challenge is about getting curious about your friends, deeply curious. Most of us think we ask plenty of questions, but research shows we don’t.

To help you get started:

  • Ask more questions than feels natural.
  • Stick with follow-ups instead of jumping from topic to topic.
  • Use what questions at first more than why to avoid being intrusive, but you can move to why eventually.
  • Listen. Listening is how you know what follow-up questions to ask next.

When you’re interested, you become interesting.

And hey, as June’s challenge reminded us, it’s okay to ask for a favor. So here’s mine: Please share an episode with a friend (just maybe not THIS one if you’re trying to send a message as that's too passive-aggressive 😉).

Find all the 2025 Friendship Challenges at DearNina.Substack.com.

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

  • 2025 Dear Nina Friendship Challenge overview
  • Great book on the art of conversation! Talk: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves by Alison Wood Brooks



ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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A good apology can save a friendship; a bad one can torch it. And yes, our friends will mess up. As will we! That's why learning to say "I'm sorry" (and why!), accept an apology, and even ask for a better apology if the one you got was "off" are all important skills in maintaining and deepening your friendships.

In this episode of Dear Nina, I spoke to author and journalist Marjorie Ingall, co-author with Susan McCarthy of Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies (released in paperback as Getting to Sorry: The Art of Apology at Work and at Home) and co-creator of SorryWatch.com.

Marjorie walks us through the six essential steps of a good apology and the “half step” people often forget. We discussed why bad apologies are worse than none at all, and how the timing of an apology can make or break it. Whether you’re struggling to say sorry, waiting for an apology that may never come, or wondering how to truly forgive, this conversation offers practical tools you can bring into your friendships right away.

We also explore:

  • The difference between guilt and shame, and how each affects friendships.
  • Why accepting an apology can be just as challenging—and important—as giving one.
  • When it’s okay (and even healthy) to ask for an apology you feel you’re owed.
  • Why rushing to apologize can actually backfire.
  • The power of letters—both to give an apology and to solicit one.
  • How forgiveness (when possible) benefits not just the friendship, but your own health and peace of mind.
  • We also touch on the Jewish High Holidays as a time of reflection and repair, how apologies evolve as we age, and what Marjorie's favorite children’s book, A Bargain for Frances, can teach all of us about navigating imperfect friendships.

LINKS AND RESOURCES:

  • The ten days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur
  • Ep. #34 of Dear Nina: Reconnecting with an Ex-Friend
  • The six steps of a good apology on sorrywatch.com
  • "Waiting for an Apology That Will Never Come" (Nina's 2014 article on Kveller)
  • A Bargain for Frances by Russell Hoban

MEET MARJORIE INGALL

Marjorie Ingall is the co-author, with Susan McCarthy, of Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies (released in paperback as Getting To Sorry) and co-creator of the apology watchdog site SorryWatch.com. She’s also the author of Mamaleh Knows Best: What Jewish Mothers Do to Raise Successful, Creative, Empathetic, Independent Children. She often writes about children’s books for the New York Times Book Review and has written for many other magazines and newspapers, including Tablet and The Forward — she was a columnist for both — as well as Town & Country, Glamour, Self, Ms., Elle, New York, Time, and Newsweek. Back in the day, she was the senior writer and books editor at the late, lamented Sassy Magazine. Find Marjorie on Facebook and Bluesky.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Mamaleh Knows Best: What Jewish Mothers Do to Raise Successful, Creative, Empathetic, Independent Children
A Bargain for Frances (I Can Read Level 2)
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Different choices, same friendships—if you’re willing to speak up.

This week on Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, I talk with bestselling author Dani Alpert, who has always known she didn’t want children. While her five best friends all married and had kids, Dani carved out a different life. The result? Decades of navigating friendships where communication was extra necessary to keep resentment and misunderstanding at bay. Dani says it took a lot work, but she did not want to lose these important relationships and every hard discussion with close friends was worth the effort.

Dani has advice for listeners that goes beyond whether you have kids or not. Many areas of life and the decisions we make can set us apart from the path our friends chose. No matter the "topic," communication and honesty is key. There's no other way to hold onto the friendships that matter to you. Whatever the difference is between you and your friends, Dani’s wisdom applies: speak up, be honest, and trust that the right friends will stick.

Listen to my conversation with Dani for a funny, candid, and deeply relatable episode about friendship across different life paths.

HIGHLIGHTS:

  • The resentment that can build when your life path looks different from your friends’ choices
  • Why it’s so important to actually say the uncomfortable things out loud to friends
  • How true friends will hear you, even if your words come out messy
  • The loneliness that can creep in when “everybody” seems to be living a life you didn’t choose. For Dani the example is being child-free by choice, but this can apply to so many paths.
  • Why naming your needs sooner (but also knowing it’s never too late) can save a friendship
  • We also squeezed in a quick few minutes and doing art (writing, etc.) because you're passionate about it, not because you're expecting a certain outcome in sales or attention.

MEET DANI ALPERT:

Dani Alpert is the best-selling author of Hello? Who Is This? Margaret?—a new collection of humorous essays—and the memoir, The Girlfriend Mom, winner of the 2020 Story Circle Network Gilda Award for comedy, honoring Gilda Radner. Her work appears in numerous outlets. Dani spent decades working in theater, television, and film, performing, writing, and directing. She’s a Pilates instructress and advocate for the Down syndrome community. Dani’s first headshot was her mugshot taken after being arrested for tagging when she was a juvenile. She’s been trying to reclaim those glory days ever since.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

The Girlfriend Mom: A Memoir
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New parenthood can be isolating and full of unspoken (or spoken!) pressures. But those early years are not only about the challenges. There are opportunities too! For one, being at a drastically new stage of life is a common time for making friends who are going through similar experiences. I spoke to Alex Reed, a new-ish mom (at least compared to me--a mom for two decades), a tech-industry pro, and the creator behind Roses & Radicchio, an Instagram account and newsletter that celebrates connections that make life meaningful.

Alex and I discussed:

  • Practical ways to meet other moms
  • Why community is one of the most protective things for perinatal and postpartum mental health
  • Staying part of a community matters, even if your close friends do not come from these groups and activities. Acquaintances can become friends, connectors, or lifelines later (school, camps, emergencies).
  • Using small, low-cost asks when you spot a potential new mom friend: “I’m going to the park tomorrow, want to join?” Short time windows might feel more doable.
  • How to spot a new-mom-friend judgement issue early and stop the comparison cycle
  • Accepting different parenting and new-parent socializing styles (turning outward for a bigger network vs turning inward to a small circle)
  • The importance of keeping connections with friends who do not have kids
  • Remembering social media can amplify shame and false “shoulds”
  • AND NOTE: If you’re struggling, community helps but professional support is so important. If you’re worried about postpartum depression or anxiety, seek help.

This isn’t a “you must do X” to make new mom friends conversation. This is all about advice and empathy for a potentially lonely season of life.

LINKS & RESOURCES:

  • Roses & Radicchio--Alex's Instagram account and newsletter
  • A few other parenting episodes on DEAR NINA (mostly aimed at parents with teens): #2. When Your Friend’s Kid is Being Mean to Your Kid; #59. Difficult Teen Friendships & Parent Involvement; #86. Every Friendship Starts With an Act of Bravery; #91. Helping Kids Manage Conflict With Friends; #59. Teaching Kindness Without Forcing Friendships
  • Modern Friendship by Anna Goldfarb is a book Alex and I both loved. Anna was also featured on several episodes of Dear Nina, most recently #126.
  • "The Search for the Perfect Stroller is Really a Search for Control" (I first had this published in Brain, Child Magazine in 2015 and later re-published in Scary Mommy in 2021.)
  • The Peanut app

MEET ALEX REED:

Alex is a gathering enthusiast, photographer, tech professional, and toddler mom who brings creativity and connection into everyday life. Outside her day job at a Fortune 50, she runs Roses & Radicchio, a lifestyle Instagram and Substack where she shares approachable tips for elevated entertaining, vintage treasure hunts, food and flower creations, and current reads. Passionate about conversations around adult female friendships, Alex uses her platform to celebrate the connections that make life meaningful. She lives in Northern Virginia, just outside Washington, D.C., with her husband, energetic toddler, and their allergy-prone French bulldog.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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What happens when we carry shame into our friendships? How does it keep us apart? How does it connect us deeply to others? I spoke with author Melissa Petro, whose book, SHAME ON YOU: How to Be a Woman in the Age of Mortification, delves into the complex relationship between shame, identity, and connection. Together we explore how unacknowledged shame affects our ability to form deep, meaningful relationships.

Melissa shares her story of working in the sex industry to beginning a career as a writer and an art teacher in New York City and eventually becoming the subject of public scrutiny in many media headlines. She explains how carrying a “concealable, stigmatized identity” weighed on her and how she learned to navigate the delicate process of sharing her story with potential new friends.

Our conversation touches on the importance of moving beyond shame, why sharing our stories can foster closeness, and how to be a supportive listener when someone else opens up.

HIGHLIGHTS:

  • Why unacknowledged shame can create distance in friendships
  • Deciding when and how to share personal secrets
  • How to respond supportively when friends confide in you
  • Moving past labels and seeing friends as multi-dimensional
  • Practical ways to foster deeper, more authentic connections

LINKS & RESOURCES:

  • Episode 95: “Over Talking, Under Talking and Lessons for Friendship and the Art of Storytelling” (with Micaela Blei)
  • Episode 4: “Revealing Too Much Too Soon” (with Christie Tate)

MEET MELISSA PETRO:

Melissa Petro a cultural journalist, book coach, harm reduction activist and author of SHAME ON YOU: How to Be a Woman in the Age of Mortification, published last fall by Putnam Books, a division of Penguin Random House.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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This month’s Dear Nina Friendship Challenge taps into the fresh-start energy of September to help you quiet the inner bully telling you you're awkward or not desired and dial up your inner bestie. I'm joined by Leslie Randolph, certified coach and TEDx speaker, who helps adults, tweens, and teens cultivate self-confidence that sticks. Leslie and I break down self-confidence as a skill (not a genetic lottery prize). We encourage listeners to take courageous action even with fear present. And we discuss practical ways to reframe the stories you tell yourself so you can make and keep adult friendships at any stage of life.

Find a "how to" for September's challenge at dearnina.substack.com.

LINKS & RESOURCES:

  • 2025 Dear Nina Friendship Challenge overview
  • My guest spot on Leslie's podcast, Why Didn't They Tell Us? ("Friendship and Fitting In")
  • Dear Nina episode #115: "The Freshmen Energy Trick For Making New Friends As An Adult"

MEET LESLIE RANDOLPH:

Leslie Randolph is a certified life coach committed to helping tweens and teens cultivate self-confidence. Leslie’s approach is rooted in the belief that self-confidence is not a genetic lottery ticket, but a choice you make and a skill you can develop. Her coaching teaches teens how to set meaningful goals, mindfully manage emotions, develop a growth mindset, and talk to and treat themselves with compassion along the way. Leslie’s proven strategies and supportive approach empowers adolescents to ditch doubt and overcome anxiety so they can unlock their true potential.

When not coaching, Leslie is a motivational and TEDx speaker, a workshop facilitator, and the host of Why Didn’t They Tell Us?, an inspirational podcast where she shares the lessons she learned late in life so others can know better . . . sooner.

Learn more at confidencecoachforgirls.com or follow along at The Coach Chronicles on Instagram and Facebook.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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What should we expect from friends when we launch a new business or creative project like a book or a new company? Bestselling author Jackie Friedland joins me to wrestle with the messy feelings of disappointment, obligation, vulnerability, and gratitude that come with asking friends for support.

Jackie opens up about the rollercoaster of releasing five books—sometimes surrounded by cheering friends and other times left disappointed. We talk about planning events, the strange universe of social media “likes,” asking for reviews, and why acquaintances and strangers sometimes show up more than our closest friends and family.

If you’ve ever felt stung when friends (and family) didn’t show up for your “big thing,” or if you’ve struggled with how much to ask of the people you love, this episode will leave you feeling seen, understood, and maybe a little lighter.

WE DISCUSS:

  • The gap between the support we hope for from close friends and the support we actually get.
  • Why acquaintances and even strangers often step up more than close friends.
  • How much “obligation” belongs in friendship when someone is launching a creative or entrepreneurial project.
  • The delicate balance between asking for support and fearing you’re being pushy.
  • Social media support: why it feels so personal when friends scroll past our posts.
  • Practical ways to be direct without being demanding—what you can reasonably ask of friends, and what might be unfair.

LINKS MENTIONED:

  • Jackie's newest novel is Counting Backwards
  • Find Jackie on Facebook, Instagram, and on her Website
  • Dear Nina: The Group on Facebook

MEET JACKIE FRIEDLAND:

Jacqueline Friedland is the USA Today and Amazon bestselling author of both historical and contemporary women’s fiction. A graduate of the University of Pennsylvania and NYU Law School, she practiced as a commercial litigator for as long as she could stand it. She then returned to school to earn her Masters of Fine Arts in creative writing from Sarah Lawrence College and has been writing ever since.

Jackie’s books have been awarded the 2020 and 2021 gold medals in fiction from Readers’ Favorite. Her novels have also been named the 2021 Kirkus Reviews Best Indie Book of the Year, the SheReads Best Book Club Pick of 2021, and the Women’s Fiction Writers Association Star finalist for 2022. She regularly reviews fiction for trade publications and appears at schools and other locations as a guest lecturer. Her fifth novel, Counting Backwards, was released by Harper Muse in March 2025.

Jackie lives in Westchester, New York with her husband, four children, and two dogs. You can find her on Instagram @jackiefriedland, on Facebook @JacquelineFriedlandAuthor or through her website www.jacquelinefriedland.com.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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My dream for "Dear Nina" has always been to make people feel less alone in the messy parts of friendship. Episode #160 was our first-ever LIVE show with 120 people in the room—and wow, you could feel the energy, see the heads nodding, and appreciate the camaraderie of an audience who has experienced the highs and lows of friend groups.

Friend groups are complicated. They can be the source of safety, belonging, and joy. But they can also be a source of exclusion, hurt, and longing. With my assistant producer and friend, Rebekah Jacobs, we dug into the messy, funny, and universal realities of friend groups from middle school cafeterias to mahj tables and even to the dining hall at the assisted living center.

Why do groups feel so good AND so painful? Do you really need one to belong? And how do you help your kids (or yourself) when a group just isn’t working? This episode has laughter, applause, and some tough-but-true advice: go where the love is.

LINKS MENTIONED:

  • Dear Nina Newsletter (dearnina.substack.com)
  • Facebook: Dear Nina: The Group
  • Dr. Lisa Damour on Dear Nina, episode #65
  • Gretchen Rubin on Dear Nina, episode #96
  • My episode on Leslie Randolph's podcast, "Why Didn't They Tell Us?" episode #63: "Friendships and Fitting In"
  • "Is There a Gentle Way to Drop a Friend" episode 156 of the Ask Lisa Podcast
  • The final poem I read was from author Amy Weatherly of "Sister, I am With You." It can be found on their Facebook page, here. You can also hear Amy and Jess on Dear Nina, episode #86.

SPECIAL THANK YOU to our North Shore live show sponsors & partners!

🍹 @drinktwistedalchemy – cold-pressed juices at the bar

🥂 @inspirotequila – crafted the signature cocktails

🍰 @glickmanlevyresidential – sponsored the gorgeous dessert bar

👗 @enazboutique– donated 15% of sales to the National Pediatric Cancer Foundation

And thank you to these generous companies for contributing to the swag bags and/or the raffle!

@workflowsbyronna, @dr.julia.milman, @glickmanlevyresidential, @kiddlessports, @lainetoo, @maijamartinphotography, @ohhappydayconfections, @pvolvedeerfield, @get_rootz, @rosshighlandpark, @talacoffeeroasters, @enazboutique

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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As parents, we all want our kids to be kind, inclusive, and compassionate. But what about when your child simply isn’t interested in a friendship? How do you balance kindness with their right to choose who they spend time with?

This week, I revisit one of my earliest and most-loved conversations with award-winning author Jessica Speer, whose books help kids and tweens navigate the tricky terrain of friendships, including BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? and Middle School--Safety Goggles Advised.

This isn’t just a tween and teen conversation. It's about us as parents. Many of us have been on both sides: watching our kids be left out and watching them leave someone else out. And just like in adult friendships, chemistry matters.

Jessica shares practical language for kids to politely say “no,” stories from her own parenting experience (including a birthday party that went sideways from over-inclusion), and the importance of helping kids identify and grow healthy friendships.

If you’ve ever wondered how to raise a kind kid who also has strong boundaries without becoming the parent who micromanages every friendship, this episode is for you.

WE TACKLE:

  • Teaching kids to treat others with dignity and warmth without sending the message they must be friends with everyone.
  • Understanding “shared spaces” (the lunchroom or a sports team) versus private time (a sleepover or weekend hangout).
  • The “romantic relationship” analogy: why we’d never force our kids to date someone they weren’t interested in, but often push friendships in that exact way.
  • How to help kids gracefully decline plans without ghosting or hurting feelings unnecessarily.
  • Recognizing when our own parental fears--especially about what other parents might think--are driving our actions.
  • Why being overly included can backfire, and how too much forced inclusion can prevent kids from finding genuine, mutual friendships.

LINKS & RESOURCES:

  • Ep #73: "I'm Just Not Into This Friendship" with guest Ruchi Koval.
  • Ask an anonymous question
  • "What if My Kid is the Mean One" the August anonymous question on dearnina.substack.com.

MEET JESSICA SPEER:

Jessica Speer is the award-winning author of books for kids and teens, including The Phone Book – Stay Safe, Be Smart, and Make the World Better with the Powerful Device in Your Hand, BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? A Girls Guide to Happy Friendships and Middle School – Safety Goggles Advised.

Blending social science, stories, and activities, her writing guides readers through tricky stuff that surfaces during childhood and adolescence. She holds a Master’s Degree in Social Sciences and has a knack for writing about complex topics in a way that connects with kids and teens. Jessica regularly contributes to media outlets on content related to kids, parenting, friendship, screens, and social-emotional learning. For more information, visit JessicaSpeer.com and Instagram @jessica_speer_author.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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The August Friendship Challenge on Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship is all about mixed-age friendships, and I’m grateful to dive into the topic with author Liz Alterman. Her latest novel, Claire Casey’s Had Enough, includes a beautiful friendship between a 46-year-old and a 78-year-old woman, which gave me the perfect reason to talk about why we all need a friend who’s not in our exact age and stage. August's challenge is to seriously consider having an older or younger friend in your life. (This might require a new routine or trying something other than what you're already doing week to week!)

I’ve seen the benefits of intergenerational friendships in my own life. Sometimes I’m the younger friend, sometimes the older one, and both roles come with their own gifts. Liz and I talk about what it’s like to build and nurture these relationships.

HIGHLIGHTS:

  • Why mixed-age friendships can be a game changer
  • How Liz’s own intergenerational friendship with author Susan Roane (of How to Work a Room fame) and poet, Melissa Elder, influenced her work and her life
  • The push-and-pull of being the older or younger friend in a dynamic, and what each side uniquely brings to the table
  • How to meet someone not in your age bracket (hint: try something new, say yes more often, and follow the chemistry)
  • 💡My biggest takeaway from this episode? You’re not going to meet a mixed-age friend by doing the same old things. You have to get out of your comfort zone, try something new, and follow the chemistry—then be brave enough to make a move.

LINKS & RESOURCES:

  • The May Friendship Challenge: The Power of Changing the Venue
  • 2025 Dear Nina Friendship Challenge overview

MEET LIZ ALTERMAN:

Liz Alterman is the author of the award-winning memoir Sad Sackedand multiple thrillers. Her romcom Claire Casey's Had Enough includes an intergenerational friendship in which a forty-six-year-old and a seventy-eight-year-old inspire one another to remember the women they once were and the dreams they still hope to fulfill. Liz's essays and reported pieces have appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, Business Insider and more. She notes that while writing hasn't brought her fame or fortune, it's filled her life with enriching friendships that span generations. For more, visit her website and follow Liz on Instagram at @lizalterman.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

How to Work a Room, 25th Anniversary Edition: The Ultimate Guide to Making Lasting Connections--In Person and Online
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Amy Blumenfeld was in 8th grade when she was diagnosed with Hodgkin lymphoma. While the medical story is remarkable on its own (including Amy becoming the first adolescent with Hodgkin lymphoma to have an autologous bone marrow transplant at Memorial Sloan Kettering in NYC), what stayed with her deeply was how her community showed up for her family. Just one example: a group of friends and synagogue families created a full-length skit video—Amy Night Live—to lift her spirits during isolation. Her community's love, support, and generosity became the emotional backdrop of her storytelling and work for years to come.

We talk about:

  • How Amy’s real-life community inspired the fictional community and circle of friends in her debut novel The Cast
  • The ripple effect of early illness on friendships, families, and even future partners, careers, and children
  • How illness can reshape your view of who matters and why
  • Amy's second novel, Such Good People, which explores childhood friendship and loyalty against the backdrop of the criminal justice system
  • The complexities of loyalty when friends and family need you at the same time

This conversation ties closely to my upcoming Dear Nina live event in Highland Park, Illinois, which will raise money for the National Pediatric Cancer Foundation. In the introduction of the episode I mention losing my nephew Joshua McFadden to DIPG, a form of brain cancer, in 2017. A portion of ticket sales and 15% of all sales at ENAZ stores on 7/31/25 (not just in Highland Park!) will go to this important cause.

LINKS & RESOURCES:

  • Joshua's story on NPCF's site
  • My episode with brother-in-law (and my first podcast producer!), Dave Dluger
  • Amy's books: The Cast and Such Good People

MEET AMY BLUMENFELD:

Amy Blumenfeld is an award-winning author and journalist. She is a graduate of Barnard College of Columbia University and received a master’s degree from the Columbia University School of Journalism. Her articles and essays have appeared in various publications including the New York Times, The Huffington Post, O, The Oprah Magazine, as well on the cover of People. Amy’s debut novel, The Cast, was selected as a New York Post Best Book of the Week. She has contributed to three non-fiction books, including a USA TODAY bestselling anthology. Amy lives in New York with her husband and daughter. Such Good People is her second novel. Find Amy on Instagram @AmyBlumenfeldAuthor.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

The Cast: A Novel
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It’s the four-year anniversary of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship! Whether you’ve been with me from the column that began in 2014, started with the first episode in 2021, stumbled in at episode 86, or you're new around here at #156—thank you. Thank you for caring about friendship on a deep level and for helping this podcast grow into something that’s helped me (and hopefully you) navigate the joys and messes of adult friendship.

In this solo episode, I’m marking four years of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship with the four major lessons I’ve learned about friendship from hosting the show—and four lessons I’ve learned about podcasting along the way.

And a special to thank you to my many fantastic guests!

🎁 Anniversary Favor 🎁

If Dear Nina has helped you in any way—big or small—please share your favorite episode with a friend or on social media. It’s the best way to keep the conversations going, and it means the world to me.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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After 31 years on the East Coast, Lisa Giordano decided (less than a year ago) to make a big move to Austin, Texas, with zero local contacts and a personal challenge to build a community and social life from scratch. In this upbeat conversation, Lisa tells us what really works (and what does not) when you’re starting over single in a brand-new city—or simply trying to make new friends right where you've lived for years.

WHAT WE COVER:

  • Admitting you want friends: Why naming the need out loud is the best thing to do.
  • DMs & daily errands: The social media message and the post-office line that sparked Lisa’s first new friendships.
  • The “one-plan” weekend rule: A realistic guardrail against both isolation and social burnout.
  • Why nearby beats “perfect”: How living a few miles apart can matter more than instant chemistry.
  • Mixed age friendships: The benefits of friendships with people in similar life stages but different ages.
  • When you don't click: Not taking things too personally is essential to moving forward and finding new potential friends.
  • Solo time as a skill: Creating intentional solo time so your happiness isn’t dependent on anyone else's schedule.
  • It's never too late to make new friends: I shared a story about my mom's recent 80th birthday party.

LINKS & RESOURCES:

  • My episode on Lisa's podcast, Surthriving
  • Episode #130 with Hallie Sawyer on "Sober Curiosity"
  • Episode #115 on "Freshmen Energy" and making new friends as an adult
  • Lisa on Instagram and TikTok

MEET LISA GIORDANO:

After living in the northeast for all of her life, Lisa took a leap of faith at the age of 31 and moved cross country to Austin, Texas, without knowing anyone. Filling her car to the brim and driving across the country with her cat, she embarked on a new journey and decided to document it along the way. Lisa is a typical single 30-something building a life she thrives in. She makes lifestyle content and documents navigating her 30s, starting over, solo life, life in Austin, and anything else that inspires her! Find her on Instagram and TikTok and on her podcast, Surthriving.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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Ever feel that low-level hum of annoyance when a friend casually drops your (good or bad) personal news into the conversation? I have my fantastic "Dear Nina" assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs, with me this week to crack open a listener's anonymous letter about DISCRETION.

Discretion is that gray zone between gossip and harmless chatter. Rebekah and I discuss how much we can expect friends to know intuitively what stays private and what's OK to share.

We're not talking about friends who gossip incessantly about you or reveal a big secret. That's easier to answer! Keep THAT friend at arm's length.

Discretion is another category entirely and we get to the bottom of it in less than 30 minutes.

IN THIS CONVERSATION

  • The blurry line between discretion and gossip
  • Experiencing a friendship “tap on the shoulder vs. smack in the face”: learning from small slip-ups before they become big mess-ups
  • Nina’s mom’s reminder: Not every friend is a close friend
  • Practical ways to decide what you can share, what you should share, and when to hit pause
  • Why “share your truth” and “protect your privacy” don’t have to be opposites
  • A Jewish teaching on mindful speech that still works in the screenshot age

LINKS & RESOURCES

  • Ask an anonymous question
  • Eventbrite tickets to see Nina and Rebekah LIVE in Highland Park, IL: “From the Cafeteria to the Mahj Table: Friend-Group Challenges from Teens to Mid-Life and Beyond.” Tickets are going fast!
  • White Lotus Friendship Trio episode with Rebekah
  • Episodes with my mom as the guest if you want more of Kathy's advice.
  • Episode #136 with Rebekah about finding your 3-5 closest friends. (Another letter spotlight episode)
  • Episode #112 about college admissions and friendship
  • A bit more information about the laws of speech in Judaism

MEET REBEKAH JACOBS

Rebekah has been a reading specialist and writing instructor for over 20 years, teaching in Boston, Chicago, DC, and Los Angeles. Currently, she teaches college writing in DC, and her own writing has been featured in Kveller. As assistant producer for Dear Nina, she is passionate about ideation and brainstorming creative concepts. She tries to read 80 books a year and loves TV—though, unlike Nina, cooking and tech are not her strong suit. She lives with her husband, three kids, and a golden doodle named Peanut.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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Ready to see where your friendships stand halfway through 2025? In this solo episode, I (very quickly!) round up the first six monthly challenges. Then I hand you three laser-focused questions to help you reflect, assess, tweak, and strengthen your connections for the rest of the year.

Answer the 3 Questions This Week!

  1. Block 15 minutes.
  2. Jot down honest answers. And bullet points count!

LINKS & RESOURCES

  • Join the Dear Nina Facebook Communityto discuss wins and struggles from all the monthly challenges.
  • Previous Monthly Challenges in the newsletter (Jan–June 2025)
  • Episode #127, January: See a friend in person
  • #131 February: Start a friendship ritual
  • #135 March: Plan a hyper-local hangout
  • #140 April: Put your friends' birthdays in your calendar
  • #144 May: Change the venue where you spend time with a friend or change how you communicate
  • #149 June: Ask a friend for a favor
  • Episode 121 about "Rules for Making Plans"

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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Facing Unfinished Friendship Business When Your Child Hits Social Snags

Your child’s social life can stir up every unresolved playground scar you’re still carrying. Licensed clinical social worker and EMDR therapist Beth Segaloff joins "Dear Nina" to talk about separating our past (and present) friendship baggage from our kids’ current experiences. We discuss how kids' realities are so different today and why that small pause before jumping in to “fix” everything is parenting gold.

HIGHLIGHTS:

  • Why your kid’s friendship bumps feel personal--how to tell what feelings belong to you versus your child.
  • The 2025 friendship landscape: 24/7 phones, "Snap Maps," and over-scheduled lives
  • The space between reacting and responding--how a moment of silence can change the whole conversation (and other strategies for when your child is struggling with friendships).
  • Why forcing invitations or calling another parent for a favor often backfires, and what true support looks like instead.
  • Modeling adult friendships: intentional intimacy vs. accidental exclusion

MEET BETH SEGALOFF

Beth Segaloff is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, EMDR therapist, yoga instructor, and Reiki healer dedicated to holistic healing and transformation. As founder of Tree of Life Center in Fairfield, CT, she offers in-person and virtual support for grief, trauma, and life transitions. Through programs like Living Fully with Grief and Life School 360, Beth empowers clients to move from pain and loss toward love, meaning, and purpose. Find Beth on Instagram at @tree.of.life.center.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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What does it mean to have a close friendship in adulthood? How important is history in a friendship? What does (realistic) quality time with a friend look like when you're no longer in school?

Therapist and podcast host, Jazzmyn Proctor, joins me to bust some of the most common myths she sees in her work with clients. This conversation offers a grounded, kind, and honest look at how we can rethink what adult friendship should look like.

WE DISCUSS:

  • Why depth doesn’t equal frequency—and what actually builds emotional closeness
  • How to let quality time evolve in your adult life instead of trying to recreate the past
  • The trap of overvaluing history in friendships
  • Why the phrase “no new friends” might be holding you back
  • When “friendship takes work” goes too far
  • The often-discussed "trio problem" gets a mention!

MEET JAZZMYN PROCTOR

Jazzmyn Proctor—your go-to therapist and the powerhouse host of the All Our Parts podcast! Jazzmyn is all about helping you find your vibe, face life’s curveballs, and come out stronger. From navigating the highs and lows of love and relationships to embracing self-discovery and smashing through obstacles, she’s here to hype you up every step of the way.

She knows that everyone’s journey is unique, and her mission? To help you unlock your full potential and level up your mental health game. So, if you're ready to live your best life, hit play on All Our Parts and let Jazzmyn guide you straight to your happy place! Find Jazzmyn on Instagram @healingwithjazzmyn and TikTok too!

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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In this milestone 150th episode of Dear Nina, we’re diving deep into friendship and community with siblings and co-directors Rebecca Davis and Pete Davis, the team behind the Netflix documentary Join or Die: A film about why you should join a club and why the fate of America depends on it.

Inspired by the groundbreaking work of political scientist Robert Putnam (Bowling Alone), Join or Die explores the powerful link between social connection, the health of our democracy, and our mental and physical health on an individual level.

If you’ve been feeling stuck, isolated, or unsure where to begin when it comes to finding your people and more meaning in your life, this episode is a place to start.

HIGHLIGHTS:

  • Why so many people feel they don’t have enough friends or diverse friendships.
  • The difference between community and friendship--and why we need both.
  • What “social capital” actually means and why it affects everything from your mental health to the quality of your local government.
  • Why loneliness isn’t just a personal issue, it’s a civic one.
  • How we went from a culture of joiners to one of solo scrollers, and how we can change that.
  • Practical tips on joining or starting something meaningful, even if you're intimidated.

LINKS & RESOURCES

  • Watch the film: Join or Die
  • Host a screening in your community! Find out how on the film’s website.
  • Listen to previous episode mentioned #135: The Hyperlocal Friendship Challenge
  • Also #138: The Neighborhood Village and How Community is Different From Friendship: with Seth D. Kaplan

Meet Rebecca Davis & Pete Davis, co-directors and co-producers

Rebecca Davis was a senior producer with NBC News for nearly a decade, where her work focused on social movements, environmental and economic justice, and community innovators.

Pete Davis is a writer and civic advocate and a former student of Robert Putnam's. He is the author of Dedicated: The Case for Commitment in An Age of Infinite Browsing. He is the co-founder of the Democracy Policy Network, a policy organization focused on raising up ideas that deepen democracy.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community

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Welcome to the Dear Nina Friendship Challenge for June: Ask a friend for a favor.

Why? Asking a friend for a favor demonstrates trust and intimacy. It helps your friend feel closer to you merely because you asked, and this will strengthen the friendship. Unfortunately, people really struggle asking for help, even for the smallest of favors. This month I want you to practice this important skill!

I also ask you to consider if you struggle asking friends for help because you're afraid people will then ask you for help. That's how friendship works! We have to be inconvenienced sometimes for friends and community, which is good for relationships AND for society.

I packed a lot into a 12-minute episode. I hope you'll join me in the June Dear Nina Friendship Challenge.

LINKS & RESOURCES

  • Join the Dear Nina Facebook Communityto discuss wins and struggles from all the monthly challenges.
  • Previous Monthly Challenges (Jan–May 2025) are all linked at dearnina.substack.com.
  • The episode I mentioned with Gretchen Rubin

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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I sat down with fifth-generation etiquette expert Daniel Post Senning of The Emily Post Institute to explore how classic (and modern!) manners can strengthen and even rescue our adult friendships. We discussed using etiquette for group chat issues, RSVP blunders, office friendship confusion, misuse of AI, bringing up kids' cringe posts, cocktail party escapes, staying friends when your kids' friendship falters, and friendship breakups.

You don't want to miss this one!

LINKS & RESOURCES

  • Emily Post's Business Etiquette is the newest book from Dan and Lizzie
  • The Emily Post Institute on Instagram
  • Dan and Lizzie's podcast, Awesome Etiquette
  • We referred to one of my earliest episodes! #2 "When Your Friend's Kid is Being Mean to Your Kid"

MEET DANIEL POST SENNING:

Daniel Post Senning, great-great-grandson of Emily Post, is co-president with his cousin, Lizzie Post, at the Emily Post Institute. He manages the company’s training programs, has authored and co-authored many books on etiquette, covering topics from business to digital manners, and delivers seminars and speeches on these topics around the world. An active spokesperson for the Institute, he regularly speaks with media outlets about business, technology, and dining etiquette. Daniel has appeared on The Today Show, The History Channel, and ESPN, and has been interviewed by publications including the New York Times, GQ, Time Magazine, and the Wall Street Journal. He most enjoys answering questions as a co-host on the Institute’s weekly podcast, Awesome Etiquette, from his home in Duxbury, Vermont, where he lives with his wife, Puja, and their children, Anisha, Arya, and William.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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In this short solo episode, I consider why some people hesitate to tell friends about positive events like a promotion, a published piece, or a personal milestone or achievement. Likely due to cultural conditioning, we worry it will come off as bragging. I think it's a missed opportunity to feel closer to friends when all good news is kept under wraps.

Not sharing can also have a cost. When friends learn about our news secondhand, it can create distance and misunderstandings.

Vulnerability is a key to closeness, and sharing GOOD news is an excellent way to make yourself vulnerable.

Equally as important in this episode: I discuss receiving your friends' good news with graciousness, curiosity, and shared joy if you want friends to keep you in the loop. When a friend shares something exciting, offer clear enthusiasm and ask a follow-up question!

LINKS AND RESOURCES

  • Hear me on NPR Life Kit: "How to Keep Old Friends" Apple. Spotify.
  • Join the Conversation: In the Dear Nina Facebook group we swap friendship wins and dilemmas.
  • Episode 146 of Dear Nina on not overthinking in your friendships and tolerating uncertainty.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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If you’ve ever reread a text 10 times, filled in every silence with worst-case scenarios, or found yourself leaving too many hangouts with friends regretting what you said, this conversation is for you. Psychologist Dr. Jackie Henry and I discuss tools to stop overthinking your every friendship move and learn to tolerate uncertainty in your relationships. We rarely know what someone else is thinking, and we need to stop assuming we do. Wouldn't it be refreshing to just be in your friendships and not feel like you're "performing" to always say and do the exact "right" thing? Dr. Jackie offers Dear Nina listeners practical tips for getting out of your head and back into your life so your friendships can thrive.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

  • Silence usually means “busy,” not “they secretly hate me.”
  • Budget your “energy bucks.” Rumination is a waste of energy; spend wisely.
  • Constant overthinking can create distance between friends and lead to miscommunication, anxiety, and the fear of judgment.
  • Work to tolerate the unknown: there's power in letting things unfold naturally in friendships.
  • Lead with curiosity. A simple “Hey, when’s good to chat?” beats the story your telling yourself about why someone hasn't responded.

LINKS & RESOURCES

  • Dr. Jackie Henry’s Substack: Less Thinking, More Living
  • The Dear Nina monthly friendship challenges. (The April one was mentioned in this episode.)
  • The TikTok account I mentioned about recounting awkward moments. @amymaurercreel

MEET DR. JACKIE

Dr. Jackie Henry is a psychologist, writer, and founder of Less Thinking, More Living—a platform dedicated to helping people stop overthinking and start fully embracing life. Based in the Twin Cities, she also works as a wellness consultant and has a private therapy practice. Dr. Jackie combines humor, heart, and relatable insights to help individuals navigate life with greater ease and presence. Outside of work, she's at the cabin, playing board games, or enjoying happy hour with her husband, four daughters, and their small but mighty dog. You can find her on Instagram @dr.jackiehenry or on Substack at Less Thinking, More Living.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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Meghan Keane, author of Party of One: Be Your Own Best Life Partner, says one of the top complaints single people have about their married friends is that they feel like a problem to be solved. Another is that their dating lives are the sole focus of a married friend’s attention. Meghan joins me to unpack “singlism,” the subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways society sidelines single adults. We discuss concrete steps couples can use to include their single friends, the reality of friendship after life transitions, and good basic social kindnesses everyone can use for ALL of their friendships. Whether you’re partnered or single, this conversation will sharpen your friendship skills and remind you that friends like to be asked about all aspects of their lives (not just their dating lives, their "mom life," their careers, and so on).

HIGHLIGHTS

  • How singlism, a term coined by Dr. Bella DePaulo, is often based in myths and harmful stereotypes
  • Why singleness isn't something to be solved by a partnered friends
  • Rules for married/partners friends when it comes to their single friends (don't treat dating life as entertainment, help with mundane life tasks, celebrate accomplishments, hang out one on one, include in larger plans).
  • Why working through conflict is a sign of a deep friendship
  • What married people can learn from single people about maintaining strong social ties

LINKS & RESOURCES

  • Meghan's book, Party of One: Be Your Own Best Life Partner
  • Find Meghan on Instagram @damekeane
  • We referred to previous Dear Nina episodes with Dr. Marisa Franco, Gretchen Rubin, and Ruchi Koval

MEET MEGHAN KEANE

Meghan Keane is the founder and supervising editor for NPR's Life Kit, which brings listeners advice and actionable information about personal finances, health, parenting, relationships and more. She is responsible for the editorial vision of Life Kit, which aims to serve NPR's larger mission of public service. Prior to founding Life Kit, Keane was a producer for NPR's award winning podcast Invisibilia. There, she produced long form stories about understanding human behavior and the invisible forces that shape our lives. She reported stories about the intersection of positivity, grief, and Disneyland and another story about a woman obsessed with her daydream world. Keane is also a founding producer of NPR's TED Radio Hour, which has consistently been one of NPR's top podcasts since its debut. Keane holds a B.S. journalism degree from Emerson College and is a native of the Washington, D.C. area.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

🙏 Support the Show:

Love what you’re hearing? Share this episode with a friend or leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Every bit helps us bring more meaningful conversations your way.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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Whether you’re hoping to upgrade a casual acquaintance, breathe life into a longstanding friendship, or accommodate a friend whose season of life recently shifted, a venue swap can work magic without big declarations or heavy planning.

Welcome to the Dear Nina Friendship Challenge for May: Pick a newer friend or an old friend you'd like to feel closer to and initiate a change in where (or how) you hang out.

Do you normally text, but never talk on the phone? Try a call! Do you walk once in awhile, but never go out for lunch? Suggest a new restaurant in town.

I provide more ideas in the episode PLUS all the reasons why a venue change is so powerful for deepening new friendships and revitalizing old ones.

Ready to try this powerful friendship "upgrade?" Hit play, choose your venue swap, and let me know how it goes!

LINKS & RESOURCES

  • Join the Dear Nina Facebook Communityto discuss wins and struggles from all the monthly challenges.
  • Previous Monthly Challenges (Jan–Apr 2025) are all linked at dearnina.substack.com.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

🙏 Support the Show:

Love what you’re hearing? Share this episode with a friend or leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Every bit helps us bring more meaningful conversations your way.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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In this powerful episode of Dear Nina, I am joined by bestselling author Harlan Cohen to explore the truth about rejection, risk, and the myths we carry into adulthood about what friendship “should” look like. We dive into the Law of Rejection—a concept that can radically shift how you approach your relationships. Whether you're 18 or 88, accepting that we cannot control how others respond to our desire for friendship will serve you well. Friendship requires some risks, and knowing that rejection comes with the territory will allow you to take those risks.

Whether you're always the planner, the first to text, or the one who feels left out of the group chat, this conversation will reframe your perspective and give you permission to stop taking every unmet friendship expectation so personally. Plus, you will love Harlan if you've never heard him before. He's the best, and he provided me a needed wake-up call around my own fears of rejection.

TOPICS WE COVERED:

  • Flipping our fears of being left out or let down in friendships into something more empowering
  • How to stop testing your friends and start communicating
  • Harlan's “people, places, patience” formula for building connection
  • Why putting yourself in “low-barrier” places is a lifelong strategy for connection
  • The pressure we put on friends and ourselves to meet unspoken expectations
  • What to do if you're always the one initiating plans
  • Harlan's full-circle roommate story that will make you smile and remind you that we never know what the other person in our "friendship narrative" is really thinking

LINKS & RESOURCES:

  • Harlan’s College Success Coaching Program Best First Year
  • Harlan's episode with his freshman year roommate
  • You will love Harlan on Instagram and TikTok and YouTube!

MEET HARLAN COHEN: Harlan is the New York Times bestselling author of The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into In College and six other titles (over 1 million copies in print). His social media accounts have over 1.5 million followers and he hosts a popular podcast. He is the founder of Best First Year, a college success coaching program for students and parents. Harlan lives in Chicago, Illinois with his wife and three children.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

🙏 Support the Show:

Love what you’re hearing? Share this episode with a friend or leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Every bit helps us bring more meaningful conversations your way.

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What happens to our friendships when our phones are always within reach for us to "quickly check something" or "quickly answer a text?" It’s time to be honest about how available we are to everyone else while spending time with friends and how these distractions are harming our friendships. (I include myself in "we!") Is anyone else experiencing smart phone fatigue?

I spoke with author, Katherine Martinko, whose book Childhood Unplugged and Substack newsletter, The Analog Family, focuses on how to take back our presence, one small shift at a time. This episode isn’t an anti-tech rant—it’s a nuanced conversation about building a life and fostering friendships offline with intentionality. We explore what’s lost when we let phones dominate our social time and what’s gained when we reclaim our attention and presence. All issues I need as much help with as anyone else!

TOPICS WE COVERED:

  • Screen time isn't just a kid issue—it's an adult problem, too
  • Why undivided attention is one of the most generous gifts in friendship
  • Building a richer, more soul-nourishing life offline is the key to putting your phone down more often.
  • Practical tips for reducing phone use during social gatherings
  • Small changes that make a huge difference
  • Why 7 minutes into a conversation might be the tipping point for going deeper (if you don’t pick up your phone!)
  • What it really takes to “fix your analog life first”

LINKS & RESOURCES:

  • One of my favorite essays by Katherine: “Fix Your Analog Life First: It's a Prerequisite for Curbing Screen Time”
  • Jonathan Haidt’s The Anxious Generation
  • Cal Newport’s work on digital minimalism and deep work
  • Sherry Turkle’s Alone Together
  • Erin Loechner’s The Opt-Out Family

MEET KATHERINE MARTINKO: Katherine is a writer, editor, and speaker. She is the author of Childhood Unplugged: Practical Advice to Get Kids Off Screens and Find Balance (2023) and creator of a fast-growing Substack newsletter called The Analog Family. Katherine is a speaker on behalf of Jonathan Haidt's Anxious Generation campaign. She is a regular contributor to the Globe and Mail, Canada’s largest newspaper, and appears regularly on national radio, TV, talk shows, and podcasts, including CBC The National and Global TV. Katherine lives with her family in Ontario, Canada. See her website here.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

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🙏 Support the Show:

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Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other
The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness
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It's a very special episode of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship dedicated to the much-discussed and debated friendship triangle in White Lotus Season 3 created by Mike White.

The friendship trio of Jaclyn, Kate, and Laurie has captivated TV viewers for the last two months. Similarly, Rebekah Jacobs (Dear Nina's assistant producer) and I have been texting and talking between episodes. Now that the season finale has aired, we shared all the lessons we think Jaclyn, Kate, and Laurie imparted on the world. Even their mistakes gave us plenty of friendship advice to ponder.

A big point that Rebekah and I agree on: Not all friendship triangles are bad! YES, even this particular trio has us defending friendship triangles. No friendship "shape" is good or bad. How individuals behave creates healthy or unhealthy friendships!

WHITE LOTUS INSPIRED FRIENDSHIP ADVICE WE DISCUSSED:

  • Think carefully before sharing information with a friend. (Kate telling Laurie about Valentin)
  • Be vulnerable sooner than you think. (Laurie didn't have to wait until the last night of the trip.)
  • Be direct, not passive-aggressive. And don't assume friends can read your mind.
  • Apologize and accept apologies when they're genuine
  • Friends don't always have to be on the same page about everything
  • Give your friends grace to mess up/ let some things go
  • Friends are not necessarily mirrors of each other
  • Allow friends to change and grow
  • Know the difference between gossip vs. genuine care and concern
  • Give old friendships some of the fun, ease, and benefit of the doubt we give fresh, new friendships (Chelsea/Chloe vs. the trio of old friends)
  • Don't a friend to meet every need
  • Truth daggers hurt. You can be honest with your friends without being cruel.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE:

  • You're the Only One I Can Tell by Deborah Tannen
  • Episode 136: Your 3-5 Closest Friends

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

You're the Only One I Can Tell: Inside the Language of Women's Friendships

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The Dear Nina Friendship Challenge for April is about the sometimes tricky topic of friends' birthdays. The challenge itself is simple and the easiest so far in 2025. I'm encouraging listeners to actively seek out friends' birthdays so you don't have to rely on social media to know the date. Of course the next step is to acknowledge friends on their birthdays, again not only relying solely social media.

The rest of the episode explores the emotional complexities surrounding birthdays, comparing how other friends' birthdays get celebrated, and why I believe in planning your own parties.

While talking I realized we need a part two of this topic because I introduced many more questions than answers. I'd love to hear your thoughts and if celebrating friends' birthdays and your own brings up any feelings. I definitely shared some! Reach out any time at ninabadzin@gmail.com or anonymously here.

Find the past friendship challenges here.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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Welcome to Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship. I'm your host, Nina Badzin. I've been writing about friendship for over 10 years and podcasting about it for almost four. This episode on how to start a podcast might not be for you. So, send it to your friend who has been thinking about starting a podcast!

I break down the process, explaining each aspect from concept, podcast art, music, format, equipment, recording, editing, hosting your episodes, marketing, realistic expectations for your friends' interest, realistic exceptions for how much a guest will share. All in less than 35 minutes!

Links to everything I mentioned in the episode:

  • My podcast strategy sessions: Here you go!
  • Podcast art and episode graphics: Canva.com
  • Basic equipment: Microphone, mic arm, headphones,
  • Equipment I added later: mixer , camera, streaming light
  • Recording, editing, and social media clips: Riverside.fm
  • My favorite editing software: Descript
  • Sound cleanup: Auphonic.com
  • A hosting suggestion(my first host)---Buzzsprout
  • Another hosting suggestion (my current host)--RedCircle
  • Other hosting suggestions: Spotify for Creators, Substack

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Logitech for Creators StreamCam Premium Webcam for Streaming and Content Creation, Full HD 1080p 60 fps, Premium Glass Lens, Smart Auto-Focus, for PC/Mac – Graphite
Samson Technologies Q2U USB/XLR Dynamic Microphone Recording and Podcasting Pack (Includes Mic Clip, Desktop Stand, Windscreen and Cables), silver
OneOdio Wired Over Ear Headphones Studio Monitor & Mixing DJ Stereo Headsets with 50mm Neodymium Drivers and 1/4 to 3.5mm Audio Jack for AMP Computer Recording Phone Piano Guitar Laptop - Black
Logitech Litra Glow Premium LED Streaming Light with TrueSoft, adjustable monitor mount, brightness & color temp settings, desktop app control for PC/Mac - Graphite
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Your neighborhood community might be the most overlooked place for social connection. However, it’s essential to understand the difference between community relationships and friendships. They are not the same!

I’m joined by Seth D. Kaplan, author of FRAGILE NEIGHBORHOODS: Repairing American Society One Zip Code at a Time, to discuss the importance of social health in fostering community connections.

We delve into the impact of technology, the decline of neighborhood schools, and policies that impact community disconnection and inequality, while also offering practical steps for individuals and cities to enhance social engagement and rebuild neighborhood ties.

In this conversation, Seth Kaplan and I also contrast community relationships with friendships. We discuss the importance of being part of a community, the decay of middle-ring relationships, and the role of participation (showing up!) in fostering a supportive environment. Kaplan shares research along with personal anecdotes and ideas about community engagement. I spent time dwelling on my favorite concept—the gemach—a communal lending system that exemplifies the spirit of cooperation and support.

Meet Seth D. Kaplan

Seth D. Kaplan, a leading expert on fragile states, societies, and communities, is the author of Fragile Neighborhoods: Repairing American Society, One Zip Code at a Time (Little, Brown Spark 2023). He is a Professorial Lecturer in the Paul H. Nitze School of Advanced International Studies (SAIS) at Johns Hopkins University, Senior Adviser for the Institute for Integrated Transitions (IFIT), and consultant to organizations such as the World Bank, U.S. State Department, United States Institute of Peace, and OECD. Find Seth on LinkedIn and on his website.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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Many of us enjoy walking with friends for the mental and physical benefits (or could consider starting with the Dear Nina 2025 friendship challenge). However, the power of walking with friends is EXTRA inspiring in today’s episode.

Leslie Hooton had to learn to walk multiple times throughout her life because of a stroke she had when she was born and numerous surgeries she's endured since. Leslie shares how neighborhood friends each took an assigned day when her beloved gym closed so that Leslie's muscles would get the essential movement necessary to keep her on her feet and healthy.

Leslie shares wisdom on friendship she gained through these walks and through life in general. This is one you don't want to miss if you didn't catch it the first time.

Meet Leslie Hooton

Leslie is the author of three novels. Her most recent book, After Everyone Else, was the winner of an Indie Book Award. Leslie says her best quality is her village of friends. Her second book is dedicated to them. Leslie often remarks that some people have a stroke of luck, she had a stroke at birth. The limited use of her right side and numerous surgeries have allowed Leslie a unique perspective, which she brings to her writing. Leslie uses dictation for her writing and often jokes “I haven’t typed a single word."

You can find more information on Leslie's book on her website and on Instagram.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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What if you have lots of friends, but nobody feels like your special confidante or the person who would have your back no matter what? The newest letter spotlight episode comes from a listener who signed off as "Too Many Fish in the Sea." She feels lucky to have cultivated a wide community and plenty of friends, but she doesn't feel like she has super close friends.

Joining me to answer the letter is my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs. Rebekah has been working with me for a while, but I wanted to get her on the mic so you can hear why I adore working with her so much. AND we're good friends---newer good friends--with our own friendship story to share.

We discussed concrete ways for getting closer to people you already like and creating deeper bonds: increase the frequency of your time together, share good news, be "messy," ask for a favor, change the venue, and become beginners together.

MEET REBEKAH JACOBS:

Rebekah has been a reading specialist and writing instructor for over 20 years, teaching in Boston, Chicago, DC, and Los Angeles. Currently, she teaches college writing in DC, and her own writing has been featured in Kveller. As assistant producer for Dear Nina, she is passionate about ideation and brainstorming creative concepts. She tries to read 80 books a year and loves TV—though, unlike Nina, cooking and tech are not her strong suit. She lives with her husband, three kids, and a goldendoodle named Peanut.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE:

  • Episode #19: with Rebekah Jacobs-- Novels and Memoirs About Friendship
  • Episode #62: with Leslie Hooten-- The Friendship of the Weekly Walking Partners
  • Episode #173: with Ruchi Koval-- I'm Just Not Into This Friendship
  • Episode #126 with Anna Goldfarb-- Is it Time For a Friendship Cleanse?
  • Episode #134 with SC Perot-- Fandom and the Potential for Friendship
  • Anna's book: Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections
  • Rebekah mentioned: The Five Types of Wealth by Sahil Bloom and a Laurie Santos reference to a beautiful mess here from Date Like A Scientist.



ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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There are local friends and there are “HYPERLOCAL” friends. This month in the Dear Nina community, we’re focusing on hyperlocal friendships—developing new ones and maintaining the ones you already have in your life.

I introduce the March friendship challenge in this episode, which of course you can start any day of ANY MONTH. The challenge this month focuses on hyperlocal friendships, emphasizing the significance of proximity in building connections. I share some personal anecdotes and practical tips for engaging with friends in your neighborhood or at least nearby.

I’m encouraging listeners to take actionable steps to add this important layer to their social lives. As always, the Dear Nina friendship challenges help you to become a better friend and have better friendships.

Stay in touch and let me know how it’s going in the Dear Nina Facebook group, through my newsletter at dearnina.substack.com, or on Instagram at @dearninafriendship.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE:

  • Episode #127: January challenge--See a Friend in Person
  • Episode #131: February challenge--Start a Ritual with Friends
  • Fragile Neighborhoods by Seth D. Kaplan

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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MAKING FRIENDS IN A FANDOM COMMUNITY

Fandom, especially very enthusiastic fandom, can provide community, belonging, and friendship. In episode #134 of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, I'm joined by Vanderbilt professor, lawyer, author, and joy enthusiast, SC Perot, who shares her story of rediscovering joy after a devastating divorce, highlighting how her newfound interest in Harry Styles and the community surrounding his concerts provided a much-needed escape and a way to connect with people who wanted to discuss something other than divorce. A formerly-casual fan of Harry Styles, SC ended up attending 17 Harry Styles concerts in five countries!

SC and I discuss her memoir Styles of Joy: A Feel-Good Framework for Rediscovering Joy (with a Twist!), which encompass her study of joy, the importance of being open to new experiences, the power of shared interests in fostering new friendships, the particular qualities of emotional generosity and uncomplicated friendships in fan communities.

This conversation highlights the significance of community and the joy that comes from the deep love of a musician, team, book series, or anything where a fan community forms. Ultimately, all friends start as strangers, and fan communities are a great place to bond with strangers over a shared passion.

MEET SC PEROT

Sarah Catherine "SC" Perot was born and raised in Dallas, Texas, and currently lives in Nashville, Tennessee. She is a proud graduate of Vanderbilt University and Stanford Law School, where she earned a Juris Doctor degree. After practicing law, she pivoted during the pandemic to follow a longtime desire to teach. She is presently an Adjunct Faculty member at her alma mater, Vanderbilt University, where she teaches in the Human and Organizational Development department. The running through line of her varied career and life is a steadfast love for people and storytelling. Find her on Instagram @scperot.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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Talking to Friends About Sex at Any Age

It's not uncommon to discuss our sex lives with friends during the adolescent and college years. But as we age, it becomes less comfortable. Trust and privacy (of our partner) can be significant barriers to discussing intimate details as well as a fear that friends will judge our issues, desires, and choices.

Dr. Arielle Buch-Frohlich, a clinical psychologist specializing in sex and couples therapy, joins me to remind listeners how discussing sex with friends at any age can have major benefits. Perhaps our sex lives, as we get older, would stay better, healthier, more robust, or we'd have better feelings about it, if we were talking about it with our friends.

Dr. Arielle feels that normalizing conversations about sex, despite significant taboos around this topic, can lead to healthier relationships since human sexuality evolves over time, just like we do. She says that single and married friends can share experiences, but it requires mutual trust. We discuss how romance/fantasy novels and certain shows and movies can facilitate conversations about sex and other ideas for broaching the topic with friends.

Meet Dr. Arielle Buch-Frohlich

Dr. Arielle Buch-Frohlich is a clinical psychologist licensed in Ontario and Quebec. She completed a doctorate in Clinical Psychology (Psy.D) from the Université du Québec à Montréal (UQAM) and received clinical training from the Sex and Couple Therapy Service at the Allen Memorial Institute. Dr. Arielle specializes in sex and relationships, to help individuals and couples thrive. Additionally, Dr. Arielle seeks to help young couples thrive through the transition to parenthood, with expertise in fertility, perinatal and postpartum mental health.

For more information, please email dr.arielle.therapy@gmail.com or book a free consult online at annasalomon.com.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

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While friendship is an essential type of connection at every age and the one area of personal growth I discuss most often on Dear Nina, today’s guest, psychologist Dr. Adam Dorsay, expands the conversation to the four types of connections we need to lead fulfilling lives. Those four areas are: connection to ourselves, to others, to the world, and to something greater.

Dr. Adam, author of Super Psyched: Unleash the Power of the 4 Types of Connection and Live the Life You Love, shares the FEED model for enhancing connection. We also talk about the consequences of disconnection, the nuances of loneliness and solitude, strategies for revitalizing old friendships, the role of activities in making new friends, and the impact of fear of rejection on social interactions.

Super Psyched has been endorsed by Lori Gottlieb, Daniel H. Pink, Mel Robbins, Guy Kawasaki, A.J. Jacobs, and many others. And Dr. Adam and I got along so well on this episode that we also recorded an episode about adult friendships on his podcast! (Ep #247 of SuperPsyched, “A Conversation With Nina Badzin”)

MEET DR. ADAM DORSAY:

Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist and executive coach in Silicon Valley where he serves high-achieving adults (including professionals, executives, entrepreneurs, and professional athletes). Adam is the host of SuperPsyched, an award-winning podcast, and the author of Super Psyched: Unleash the Power of the 4 Types of Connection and Live the Life You Love.

Beyond his private practice, Adam is a resiliency expert who co-created an international program for Facebook’s Online Safety employees for several years. He now serves as the resiliency consultant to DigitalOcean and has frequent requests from the media for interviews. He has provided keynotes and trainings to multiple corporations and organizations, including Microsoft, Linkedin, and the California Psychological Association. He is happily married, the father of young boys, and he has a hypoallergenic 33-pound Australian Labradoodle therapy dog named Raffi, who lives at his home and works at his office.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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It's time for the next Dear Nina Friendship Monthly Challenge! The January challenge was to see a friend in person, which meant reaching out to make a plan. The February challenge is to start a ritual/tradition with friends to strengthen new relationships or maintain existing ones.

For accountability, report back in the Dear Nina Facebook Group, on Substack, or via email when you've made the plan. It's okay if the plan doesn't happen in February. Just get the planning going!

To quote (myself!) from January, "In a healthy, robust, social life, or at least a deeply fulfilling one where you feel like you can be yourself, there's less keeping score, less keeping track, less waiting for invitations, and less moralizing about who should have included you. You dear listener are in charge. You will do the including."

And that statement is completely applicable to the February challenge as well. I hear from people who feel they need to start over with friendships or that they've never had good friends. So when you hear something like "start a ritual," you might be thinking, "But Nina, I don't have any close friends." And that's the point. These rituals and traditions can become the foundation of close friendships.

In my interview with Rachel Steinman and Rachel Winter, co-authors of STAY GOLDEN, GIRLS, you will hear examples of traditions between longtime friends, newer friends, and I share some of my own traditions with people who are now longtime friends, but who weren't when we started certain annual plans.

The power in rituals and traditions are not even about the activity itself in many cases. It's about the anticipation and organization! Of course there are tricky elements of planning these traditions, too. How many people should you include? That's a big one, and there are others. We discuss them all in the episode!

Links mentioned:

  • All the 2025 Monthly Challenges newsletter posts
  • "How to Make Plans with Friends"
  • Episode #56 with Kat Vellos: Managing Group Texts

Meet "The Rachels"

Rachel Steinman and Rachel Winter are here to help give inspiration to all of us. They’ve been friends since they were 18 years old though, and they are both accomplished and interesting women on their own, but together they co-wrote Stay Golden, Girls, a gift book about the importance of women’s friendships.

Rachel Steinman is a writer, teacher, and mental health educator. She hosts the Dear Family, Podcast with inspirational guests who have overcome mental health obstacles to thrive. She received her Masters in Education and teaching credentials from UCLA, has taught every elementary school grade, and has been a school librarian. She is a lead presenter for NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), going into middle and high schools to educate students, parents, and staff about warning signs while offering resources and hope.

Rachel Winter is a writer, director, and an Academy Award®-nominated producer for Dallas Buyers Club. Winter, along with LeBron James, produced James’ biopic, Shooting Stars, released on Peacock in June 2023. Available now from iHeart Radio, Winter produced and directed the audio drama Supreme: The Battle for Roe, and made her directorial debut with The Space Between, starring Kelsey Grammer, for which they both received awards from various Film Festivals.

All social media and purchasing links for Stay Golden, Girls, can be found here.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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Do you know someone who has adopted a "sober curious" lifestyle? Perhaps it's a pivot you've been considering for yourself? The term is usually credited to Ruby Warrington, author of Sober Curious: The Blissful Sleep, Greater Focus, Limitless Presence, and Deep Connection Awaiting Us All on the Other Side of Alcohol.

“Sober curious” means you're curious about how much you're drinking and how your health, relationships, and work and more might change without alcohol, even if you don't have an addiction.

Today's guest, writer and podcaster, Hallie Sawyer, began a sober curious journey several years ago and is here to give Dear Nina listeners an honest account of how it began and why she has stayed completely committed to avoiding alcohol years later.

Meet Hallie Sawyer:

Hallie is a writer and host of the podcast, The AWEd Life, which is an acronym for Awake, Well, and Empowered. Living AWEd has been her life filter since challenging herself to give up alcohol for 90 days which is now her M.O. She’s a midlife mom with three adult children who recently became the owner of an empty nest and is ready to take on this next stage of life with gusto. She shares her writing weekly on Substack and you can find her on Instagram at @hallie_sawyer and @theawedlife.

Links mentioned and other related episodes:

  • Ruby Warrington's book, Sober Curious: The Blissful Sleep, Greater Focus, Deep Connection, and Limitless Presence Awaiting Us All On The Other Side of Alcohol
  • Dear Nina episode #17 Friendship and Sobriety: Jen (Gilhoi) Veralle
  • Hallie's friendship project!
  • I was a guest on Hallie's podcast, The AWEd Life, where we discussed the changing nature of friendship in midlife.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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It's the middle of January 2025. Right now you might have friends in Southern California who have evacuated from their homes. You might know someone whose house, entire neighborhood, community, and school are gone. And there's often a time in life when you know someone in a health, personal, or other kind of crisis, even if it's not a situation as drastic as this one where it's so many friends, acquaintances, and fellow citizens at once.

It can be tempting to say nothing for fear of saying the wrong thing. It can be tempting to assume our friends like to be comforted exactly the way we like to be comforted. If I've learned anything from writing about friendship for 10 years, it's that we are all quite different so knowing what our friends need in hard times is something that develops in time along with the friendship.

Difficult truth: You only learn what your friends want and need by showing up, even if you don't get it "right" at first.

Here is a vetted list of organizations collecting funds to help everyone affected by the fires in Southern California.

Links mentioned and other related episodes:

  • 55. How to Support a Friend Facing an Ambiguous Loss: Emma Nadler

  • 69. Don’t Be Afraid of Saying the Wrong Thing to Friends With a Chronic Illness: Jennifer Cramer-Miller

  • 90. The Friends You Want Around During a Crisis: Kelly Lang

  • 104. Being a Good Friend to Someone With Terminal Cancer: Jill Smokler

  • 128: Your Friends Won’t Always Say the Right Thing When You’re Struggling, Forgive Them: Steve Phillips

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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You've had a tremendous loss in your personal life and your friends don't know what to say or do: Do you tell them what you need, or do you assume they should know? Here's the more important question---Do any of us know what to say and do in every situation? Probably not. And the truth is, not everybody wants the same thing when they're grieving or struggling. What worked for one friend might not work for another. What's helpful to you, might not work for your friend.

This episode is a particularly special one because it came from an unexpected, beautiful letter from a listener--national bestselling author, Steve Phillips. Steve wrote to me expressing his gratitude for episodes that helped him reframe his thoughts on friendship after the devastating loss of his wife of 32 years, Susan Sandler, who died of brain cancer in December 2022 after living with the disease for six years.

Steve wasn't pitching the show in that letter, but I asked him if he'd honor me by sharing his experiences with friendship. And he said yes! It was a really good conversation about various topics having to do with showing up, rebuilding your social life, making plans, "real friends" vs "deal friends" and more.

Links Steve mentioned in the episode:Episode #50: "Overlooking Friends' Foibles" (with my mom!)

Episode #86: "Every Friendship Begins With an Act of Bravery"

Meet Steve PhillipsSteve Phillips is a bestselling author, national political commentator and columnist with an extensive history at the forefront of the intersection of racial equity. He is a New York Times bestselling author, a columnist for The Guardian and The Nation, and an opinion contributor to The New York Times. He is also the host of “Democracy in Color with Steve Phillips,” a color-conscious podcast on politics. Together with his wife, the late Susan Sandler, Steve c0-founded the Sandler Phillips Center, which supports organizations and campaigns led by people of color, women, immigrants, and LGBTQIA plus people, and hosts the Fannie Lou Hamer Fellowships for courageous activists.

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📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

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📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

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It's the monthly friendship challenge! And it doesn't matter which month you begin. Every social wellness challenge in 2025 WILL improve your friendships because it puts you in charge of your social life. The January 2025 challenge is to see a friend in person this month. Go for a walk, meet for a meal, see Wicked. It doesn't matter what you do as long as it gets you OFF the text thread and out of the social media "like" and "heart" habit as a replacement for true connection.

We need to see our friends in person. Start the year off right with the best social wellness trick around--spend time with people you like. If you don't like your friends, I address briefly that in today's episode too.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE:* This is the 2025 daily notebook I bought. * Episode #121: "Rules for Making Plans With Friends" * Substack post: "This is How to Make Plans With Friends" * Hallie's post: "A Like Does Not a Friendship Make" * My instagram "Texting is Cool, BUT" post.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

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Welcome to the top episode on Dear Nina in 2024—the 14-day friendship cleanse, brainchild Anna Goldfarb whose book, Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections, is a must read for anyone looking to improve their friendships. Don't feel put off by the word, "cleanse." This discussion is about reconsidering how you're approaching friendships and how you're treating your closest friends. (And that particular list shouldn't be too long.)

By the end of this episode, you will have a healthier mindset for thinking through your friendships, and you'll know why I became friends with Anna after her visit to the podcast almost two years ago when we talked about lopsided friendships.

Meet Anna Goldfarb:

Anna Goldfarb is the Philadelphia-based journalist and author of Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections. Her work has appeared in The Atlantic, TIME, Vice, The Cut, Vox, The Washington Post, and The New York Times. Find Anna's newsletter on Substack, grab an excerpt from her book on her website, and follow Anna on Instagram.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

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Why does the inner judge in our brains automatically default to negativity? We assume the worst and let our insecurities lead the way. How does this inner judge interfere with our friendships? And what can we do to create curiosity instead of negativity?

Ann Imig, creator and author of LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER, and life coach at Listen Life Coaching, is here with practical tools that will help keep the judge at bay. Ann encourages "curiosity, celebrating, and savoring" in our friendships, "showing up when you show up," and utilizing the words and mindset of "tell me more."

We also discussed the role Ann (indirectly) played in my decision to start writing about friendship in 2014!

Meet Ann Imig:

Ann is an award-winning founder and speaker with numerous national media and stage appearances. As a certified coach at Listen Life Coaching she guides young adults (and their parents) to crush their goals, fuel their joy, and boost their confidence in a bright future. In 2010 she created the storytelling series and book titled LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER. Almost 15 years later, LTYM continues Giving Motherhood A Microphone on stages across North America (70 cities and counting). Ann's motherhood story stars 2 sons, ages 17 & 20 with her husband Ben.

Ann works a lot with concepts from positiveintelligence.com. Special offer for Fans of Dear Nina: Experience the life-changing experience of coaching with Ann for free (no strings attached!). Dear Nina listeners receive a full 50-min discovery session rather than the typical half-hour consult. ListenLifeCoaching.com

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

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📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

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I love answering listeners' anonymous friendship dilemmas. It's a letter spotlight episode with three short anonymous letters from listeners with various friendship issues. I did my best to give practical, helpful advice.

The subjects are:

  1. A listener whose friend makes little digs at her friend whenever they shop together.
  2. A listener whose friend always chimes in late to the plan-making in the group text thread then wants to make changes.
  3. A listener who wants to introduce her friends to each other, but is worried about getting excluded eventually.

The full text of the letters can be found here on my site. (dearninafriendship.com episode 124)

Links mentioned in the episode:

  • Episode #121: "Rules for Making Plans With Your Friends"
  • Newsletter with a bit more about making plans
  • Ask an anonymous question

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

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I'm thrilled to welcome friendship experts and comedians Matt Ritter and Aaron Karo of Man of the Year podcast! In honor of these male "chief friendship officers," (their term, which I love!) I'm finally tackling the often-requested topic of platonic relationships. Matt is married and Karo is single so that provided a slightly different point of view, which was helpful.

We also discussed how often you "should be" liking your friends' social media posts, a topic younger people on TikTok yell at me about sometimes. I think it's a terrible way to measure a friendship and occasionally get on TikTok to say so, but many out there think it's an important behavior to note. Matt and Karo ended up agreeing with me for the most part, but they were easier on those with that opinion than I was.

These are completely unrelated friendship topics, but I didn't want to squander my time with this hilarious and insightful duo. We fit in a few other friendship dilemmas, too, like viewing your friends in the most favorable light, remembering your friends aren't mind readers, when hobbies with friends take too much time from your spouse, and more.

More about Matt and Aaron:

As seen in the New York Times, on NPR, and the TODAY Show, Man of the Yearwill help you make new friends, reconnect with old ones, and build lifelong social fitness. Each November Matt and Aaron award a gigantic Man of the Year trophy to one of their childhood friends – a tradition that has kept their crew going strong since the '80s. But the country is currently facing a friendship recession – 15% of men report having zero close friends – and they’re on a mission to change that with tips, hacks, and decades of hilarious stories. Find Man of the Year on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok.

Links mentioned in the episode:

"Where Have All My Guy Friends Gone?" Sarah Wheeler in The Cut

The TikTok post where people yell at me for saying NOT to drop your friends who don't actively like your social media posts.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

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Friendship breakups are an ageless, universal issue. In my 10 years of writing about friendship and receiving many anonymous letters, I've seen that it makes little difference in the grief process if there was a direct conversation with the friend, a fade out, or an abrupt ghosting. No matter the circumstances, we must take time to heal when a friend is no longer in our lives.

Today's episode is a revisit of my conversation with Diamonde Williamson, who found a way to make art from a painful friendship breakup and help others face their feelings of grief, loss, rejection, and loneliness.

Learn more about Diamonde's documentary, Best Friends Not Forever. And you must see her visual art on Instagram at @therealdiamonde.

Links mentioned in the episode:* The episode with one of my best friends about the years we stopped being friends and how we reconnected: "Reconnecting with an ex-friend." * Recent anonymous question in my newsletter, "The Friends Who Rejected Us: Thank you"

Meet Diamonde WilliamsonDiamonde Williamson is the Founder and CEO of Third and Wonder Production House, the go-to media and production company for Black women and Black culture, specializing in branded, documentary, and unscripted formats. She’s created hundreds of videos for notable clientele like: The Oprah Winfrey Network, Google, Warner Bros., Essence, and more. Learn more about her original documentary, Best Friends Not Forever, and her highly praised podcast Meet Me in the Deep. Her continued goal is to build community and produce entertaining, empowering and relatable art for Black women. You can also find Diamonde on Instagram @therealdiamonde.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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Are there rules for making plans with friends? Who should be the one to suggest the day, time, and place? If you reach out for plans, should you also throw out some dates that might work? OR, do you wait for the other person to "prove" their interest by offering some dates on the calendar?

The short answer: there are no rules.

The longer answer (only 16 minutes), is this week's episode-- "Rules for Making Plans With Friends." It's the newest letter spotlight episode, which gave me the chance to answer two anonymous friendship dilemmas and talk about a long-held pet peeve of mine when making plans.

I hope this episode helps you schedule time with friends!

Resources and links mentioned in the episode:

  • Previous letter spotlight episode: "Friendships Between Sisters-in-Law"
  • Previous letter spotlight episode: "Friends Who Never Ask About You"
  • Episode 120 with Emma Nadler: "6 Ways to Be a More Generous Friend"
  • The Joy of Connections by Ruth Westheimer and Allison Gilbert
  • Episode 116 with Allison Gilbert: "Lose Track of Who Makes the Plans and 7 Other Friendship Tips From Dr. Ruth"

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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Being generous in our friendships makes us better friends and keeps solid friends in our lives. We're not talking about money here! To quote this week's guest, relationship-based therapist and author, Emma Nadler, "When we act more generously we feel better. So there's a lot in it for you, too." We discussed Emma's top five ways to be a more generous friend, and I added one of mine to the list. So yes, in 29 minutes you're getting SIX ways to be more generous in your friendships, which research links to a happier, more fulfilling life.

Emma Nadler is a psychotherapist, author, and speaker. Her memoir, The Unlikely Village of Eden, is about learning to adapt when life doesn’t go to plan, redefining community, and creating your own imperfect path. She has also written for The Washington Post, Salon, Huffington Post, and Newsweek, among others. In her private practice, she helps people build deeper relationships—including friendships—and cultivate more of what they want, even with life's inevitable challenges. Find Emma's newsletter on Substack: "Hope is the New Hot" and she's on Instagram @emmanadlerwrites.

Resources and links mentioned in the episode: Emma's article in Next Avenue, "5 Ways to be a More Generous Friend" * Emma's memoir, The Unlikely Village of Eden * Emma's first episode on Dear Nina, "How to Support a Friend Facing an Ambiguous Loss" * "Most generous interpretation" -- a concept discussed often by Dr. Becky Kennedy * Anna Goldfarb's second episode on Dear Nina, "The 14-Day Friendship Cleanse" * Anna Goldfarb's book, Modern Friendship* * Olga Khazan's articles: "The Friendship Paradox" and "Stop Firing Your Friends" * Our friend Debra's instagram: @fortheloveofcookbooks * Previous episode with Jill Smokler and battling cancer and how friends can show up in support

PLEASE NOTE: Listening to this podcast in no way creates a client/therapist relationship with Emma Nadler. This is educational in nature. No legal, counseling, or other professional services are being rendered and nothing is intended to provide such services or advice of any kind. If you are having a mental health emergency, please contact 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. You can also text or call 988 for the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

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What if your next good friend is an old friend who drifted away from your life for reasons of circumstance and not personality or hurt feelings? If you're in a stage of life where you're lonely, you've moved, or you simply want to shake up your social life, your next solid friendship might be waiting for you in "the past." Yes, reviving old friendships could be the missing piece in your current friendships. Maybe you went to college with this friend, worked together, sat on the bleachers when the kids were young, or met from any number of ways we connect with others. Not all past friendships merit a revival, but some do!

My guest is author Kay Paschal, who shares her story of having a really tight group of friends in her 20s who welcomed her back in after decades of little time together. Now retired, Kay is reflective on friendships in a way that inspired me. I think you'll enjoy what she has to say.

Some other points discussed in the episode:* This very natural fade is somewhat related to episode #109 with Dr. Miriam Kirmayer about "quiet quitting." Kay and I are discussing reviving those friendships when it might fill out your social world in a different stage of life. * Friendships fade when "the third place" disappears. (Example: You're no longer on the bleachers together watching the kids play baseball.) * The often quoted study about replacing friends every seven years. (Comes up in many episodes!) * Avoid burning a bridge in relationships. * Developing an "open-door policy" in your mindset about past friendships * Look for a friend, not a group. * Thank that friend who does so much of the planning and inviting! (Shout out to Kay's friend, Linda.) * The natural feelings of wondering why you weren't invited when certain members of a group get together without you. * Kay: "You can't invite 10 people to everything you do."

Meet Kay Paschal:

After founding and owning 2 private preschools for 25 years in Atlanta, Kay started a new career by writing a book and speaking to moms and women's organizations and participating in parenting conferences around the country. Kay's book, Insert Giggle Giggle: Laughing Your Way through Raising Kids and Running a Business was recognized by Zibby Owens Media as a Finalist, Best Book for the Parent. Kay also hosts a podcast on Spotify, Kay's Gigglecast, with short, 10-minute grabs on women issues that are easy to consume while multi-tasking through your day. Find Kay on her website and on Instagram.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

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"Social" prescriptions from your doctor? Yes! What if for the sake of our mental and physical health doctors wrote prescriptions for cycling groups, fishing clubs, or volunteer positions on a farm? Those are real scenarios in Julia Hotz's THE CONNECTION CURE: The Prescriptive Power of Movement, Nature, Art, Service and Belonging, "the first book exploring the science, stories, and spread of social prescribing."

In today's episode, a perfect follow-up to last week's episode on the importance of hobbies for the empty nest and retirement, Julia and I discussed these activity-based and creative "medical" solutions to the post-30s friendship struggles that are so commonplace nowadays as people live far from previous friends and family, work remotely, and spend more time than ever on screens.

WHAT IS SOCIAL PRESCRIBING? In Julia's words, "Social, in the public health context, is about everything in a person's environment from where they live, to how they cope with stress, to what their job is like, and whether it fulfills them. All of these things boil down to what are called your social determinants of health. We have data showing that up to 80% of our health is determined by these social factors. What social prescribing then refers to is any non-medical community-based activity or resource that is prescribed to improve your health and well-being."

MY FAVORITE QUOTE IN THE BOOK: “This book is guided by real patients' lived experiences, but everyone's lived experience is different. In fact, that's what social prescribing is all about. Instead of what's the matter with you, a fixed list of symptoms, it focuses on what matters to you."

MEET JULIA HOTZ

Julia Hotz is a solutions journalist and author of THE CONNECTION CURE: The Prescriptive Power of Movement, Nature, Art, Service and Belonging (Simon & Schuster). The book has been featured in NBC, BBC, Scientific American, NPR, GOOP, The Good Life Project and more. Find Julia on socialprescribing.co and Instagram.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE

  • Study showing we lose half of our friends every seven years.
  • Skip the Small Talk events are grounded in psychology research that help strangers get to know each other and help with practicing vulnerability in conversation.
  • Dear Nina: The (Facebook) Group where we have been compiling a great list of hobbies have started and groups people have joined.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

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"Many friends are entering the empty nest phase of their lives and some are really dreading it. Celebrities like Brooke Shields share on social media how they aren't ready. Planning ahead by embracing new hobbies and friendships can help change the focus during this major life shift."

Those words are from guests Dara Collins and Donna Kassman, queens of mahjong and canasta. Maybe a game is not your thing, that's okay. There is a new (or old!) passion out there waiting for you. I started playing tennis again when I was 44. I'm 47 now and had not played since I was 15. It's been an immense joy and a surprising expansion of my social life too.

Hobbies are an investment in your future retirement and empty nest social life. And socializing at all ages is important for combating loneliness and keeping your brain active. Did you love a sport or activity as a kid, but you've neglected that hobby (or any non-work, non-family passion) as an adult? This episode is for you!

We have two messages today about hobbies and friendship:

1. Get involved in hobbies when you're still in a full and busy stage of life. You're planting seeds for later!

2. But it's never too late to get involved in a new hobby.

Meet Dara Collins and Donna Kassman

Dara and Donna are two friends and former attorneys in South Florida who met when their now 23-year-olds were in Mommy and Me classes. In 2019, they created Mahjong Dice™ and began their small business with a beautiful roll on ModernMahjong.com. They expanded into many other mahjong and canasta items, including books on both subjects, and links and opportunities to find teachers and join tournaments. They also organize tournaments and teach throughout the year. Find Modern Mahjong on Instagram, on their Facebook page, and through their Mahjong Community Facebook group of over 47,000 people.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

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What a thrill to interview author and journalist Allison Gilbert, who met with Dr. Ruth Westheimer, of blessed memory, every week for a year during what would be the last year of Dr. Ruth's life. Together they worked on Dr. Ruth's final book, The Joy of Connections: 100 Ways to Beat Loneliness and Live a Happier and More Meaningful Life.

Dr. Ruth was determined to help people suffering from loneliness and dysfunctional friendships, and I believe this book accomplishes that task. We just need everyone to read it! I underlined parts of every chapter and folded over MANY pages because I adore Dr. Ruth's straightforward, solution-oriented advice.

For this episode, I forced myself to choose, what in my opinion, are the top 8 no-nonsense Dr. Ruth friendship nuggets of pure wisdom I'm certain will help you with your friendships the most. They're already helping me since finishing the book and recording this episode with Allison, who so beautifully represents and embodies Dr. Ruth's words.

MEET ALLISON GILBERT:

Allison Gilbert is an Emmy Award-winning journalist and author. She is co-author of The Joy of Connections: 100 Ways to Beat Loneliness and Live a Happier and More Meaningful Life with world-renowned therapist Dr. Ruth Westheimer. Find Allison on Instagram, Facebook, and X.

The two NYT articles mentioned in the episode:

  • "Dr. Ruth Saved People’s Sex Lives. Now She Wants to Cure Loneliness."
  • "Long After ‘Sexually Speaking,’ Dr. Ruth Taught Me About Friendship"

The top 8 no-nonsense friendship tips from Dr. Ruth that Allison and I covered in much more detail in the episode are listed on dearninafriendship.com.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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Today's "Quick Friendship Tip" is about how to capture the attitude and spirit of that special "freshman energy" apparent on any college campus in the first three weeks of school when making new friends as an adult.

There is something real happening in that freshman year, specifically the first three weeks, that is magical for friend making. I saw it while dropping off my son for his freshmen year of college in August, and I remember it from my own freshmen year.

I'm grateful to former guest, Gretchen Rubin, (who also recently dropped off a child for freshmen year) for sharing a 2015 NYT article in her newsletter by Nicholas A Christakis called "Making Friends in New Places." Christakis described in more detail what exactly is happening in those first three weeks. I did not imagine it just a few months ago during the initial college move in days.

While adult life cannot replicate those three weeks in exactly the same way, I have some ideas about how we can take what's essential about that vulnerable time and use it to our advantage as adults when we're in periods of having to make new friends or just wanting to get out of a friend rut.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

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Do you know your Enneagram (personality) type and how your core fears and desires impact your friendships? I understood very little about anything Enneagram related before my interview with Christina S. Wilcox, author of Take Care of Your Friends: An Enneagram Guide to Interpersonal Relationships. I still have a lot to learn!

Consider this episode an introduction to the Enneagram and a reminder that each of us is wired differently through nature, nurture, and life's experiences. Understanding ourselves on a deep level helps us be better friends because it gives us more patience and grace for others. The Enneagram is one tool towards that goal.

There are many resources online about Enneagram tests and more. I took a free quiz here. Please note: I have no idea how this site compares to others!

Meet Christina S. Wilcox:

Christina is a 26-year-old author, mental health advocate, enneagram expert, and creative in Denver, Colorado. You may recognize her from her first book Take Care of Your Type: An Enneagram Guide to Self-Care, or from one of her Instagram graphics created for over 90K followers. Find Christina on her website, her podcast, her Youtube channel, and of course on Instagram.

Send us a text

  • All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

  • My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
  • Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
  • Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads
  • JOIN the Dear NinaFacebook group
  • Ask an anonymous question
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Episode #113: So, you've unintentionally hurt your friend's feelings. Or, your friend hurt your feelings, likely not on purpose. My wise mom joins me in this replay episode about forgiveness---asking for forgiveness and wanting apologies from others. We also discussed grudges, forgiving but not forgetting, personal stories of our own pettiness and others' pettiness, and more.

LINKS MENTIONED:

The 20 questions my husband uses for self-reflection around Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

The article I wrote for Kveller in 2014, “Waiting For an Apology That Will Never Come”

The article I wrote for The Jewish Daily Forward in 2013, “The Benefit of the Doubt for the New Year”

Other episodes featuring my mom:

  • The Friend Who Will Only Text
  • When Friends Ask Questions You Don’t Want to Answer
  • Widowhood and Friendship

Two quotes by Maggie Smith in her book, Keep Moving:

“Maybe we say ‘holding a grudge’ because that kind of resentment is a heavy thing you have to wrap your arms around to carry. Holding it weighs you down, not the other person. Set it down anytime. Right now, for instance. Keep moving.”“Expect that what you tend to will grow. Expect that what you feed with your care and attention, what you shine your light on, will thrive. Choose wisely. Keep moving.”

Quote from my mom on grudges:

“Well, you’ve heard this before. People say that holding a grudge weighs you down, not the other person. So that’s how forgiveness is tied into grudge holding. If you can forgive somebody and keep moving forward, it’s much better for you psychologically.”

Send us a text

  • All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

  • My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
  • Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
  • Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads
  • JOIN the Dear NinaFacebook group
  • Ask an anonymous question
Keep Moving: Notes on Loss, Creativity, and Change

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This week's friendship topic is the frenzy of college admissions and how it affects friendships between teens and how it potentially affects friendships between those teens' parents, too. Most importantly, we discuss how to approach the college admissions world with a level head!

Meet Kate Proger:

Kate Proger, is a college planning consultant and admissions expert. With degrees in both psychology and educational testing, as well as executive function coach training, Kate has helped hundreds of students find the university that is their perfect fit. (We discuss at length that there is more than one "right" fit.) Find Kate on her site: Kate Proger College Consulting.

We discussed:

  • Book mentioned---Where You Go Is Not Who You Will Be: An Antidote to the College Admissions Mania by Frank Bruni
  • Sharing information or not about where you're applying--privacy vs. intimacy
  • Understanding that everyone has reasons for their list (budgets, distance, etc.). We cannot assume we know what's going on behind closed doors
  • Being happy for your friends (or your friends' kids) when admissions decisions arrive
  • The potential for parents to make some new friends in this next stage of parenting
  • New social opportunities for college students to seek more of what you liked socially in high school and less of what you didn't enjoy
  • The reality of kids "soiling the nest" before they leave or sometimes the exact opposite happens (glorifying the next)
  • And more!

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Where You Go Is Not Who You'll Be: An Antidote to the College Admissions Mania

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Episode: #111 It's another letter spotlight episode! This week's anonymous letter is from a woman with two friends who never ask about her. She's fed up doing all the listening and none of the talking. She wants to know how to handle this friendship dynamic and whether other Dear Nina listeners deal with this same issue. Let us know in our facebook group, Dear Nina: The Group.

In The Letter Spotlight series I'll be reading one anonymous letter from my inbox every six weeks or so and sharing my answer. Last month's letter was about issues between sisters-in-law.

Want to send in a letter for the show or the newsletter? You can do that at https://ninabadzin.com/dearnina/.

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Episode #110: "Neurodivergent friending"Thrilled to welcome Dr. James F. Richardson, author of Our Worst Strength: American Individualism and Its Hidden Discontents, who explains how his neurodivergent friend difficulties inspired a deeper exploration of, "how our American value of self-reliant individualism encourages us to be way too independent, undermining many relationships, including our friendships."

Listeners will appreciate James's sense of humor, heart, and practical tips for understanding each of our friends as individuals and considering the people in our community who could use an invitation.

James, like many GenX neurodivergent people, had no diagnoses until later in adult life. He says, "In writing my recent book, I step back and connect disparate laments in public discourse (weak community, weak friendships, weak family ties, shallow approaches to fun and dating, junk food, impulse-driven diets) back to our very American, hyper-individualistic approach to life in general. We are settlers on our own personal frontiers, I like to say. We curate, personalize, and edit everything. And it's not working out too well for many of us—this unstructured, de-ritualized life of infinite opportunity and lonely stumbling. We try hard to curate our social worlds as executive editor instead of letting them build through giving and receiving our time organically. I was the worst at this in my twenties. I curated an austere, monkish life that was not good for me or anyone. Monks have far more community than I experienced! And more friends!"

Meet James F. Richardson:

James F. Richardson is a Ph.D. cultural anthropologist who has studied American society for twenty years as a market research consultant. Recently, the author of a new nonfiction book – Our Worst Strength: American Individualism and Its Hidden Discontents - questions our approach to individualism as a way of life. He lives in Tucson, Arizona, where he writes a weekly Substack — Homo Imaginari — for a growing international readership.

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Episode #109: Let's say you know that a friendship has run its course, but the friend has done nothing wrong. How do we go about distancing from a friend or ending a friendship? How do we process it when we feel a friend withdrawing? How do we negotiate conflict or transitions that are going to come up in many friendships?

"Quiet quitting" is the latest term for withdrawing from a friendship, phasing out, or disengaging completely. In this episode with the insightful Dr. Miriam Kirmayer, a clinical psychologist in Montreal who specializes in friendship, we discuss why someone might choose the strategy of "quiet quitting" for fading away from a friend.

Meet Dr. Miriam Kirmayer:
Dr. Miriam Kirmayer is a clinical psychologist, leading friendship expert, and one of the most influential speakers on human connection and social support. Find free friendship resources on her site and follow her on Instagram and LinkedIn.

We discussed:

  • Most people have been on both sides of the "quiet quitting" equation
  • How quiet quitting differs from ghosting
  • When quiet quitting is a good strategy and when it is not
  • Why we are both strongly against using "quiet quitting" to test a friend
  • Friends cannot read our minds!
  • The struggle many people have to initiate plans, but respecting friends' strengths (and not expecting friends to do things exactly the way we do them)
  • Quiet quitting has its place, but it can also be a sign of an inability to have a vulnerable or direct conversation because of a lack of practice or opportunity to do so.
  • Downgrades in friendships vs. dissolutions
  • How to avoid burning a bridge with friends (or old friends)
  • "Quiet quitting works until it doesn't." You might have to be more direct at some point. We discussed some kind ways to do so.

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Episode #108: Talking to friends about money has always been a taboo topic. What if, instead, discussing money with friends could deepen a friendship?

Money can be an enormous issue between friends, which is why I'm revisiting my conversation with Shondaland.com staff writer, Mia Brabham Nolan. We discussed ways to make talking about finances with friends less awkward. Some of the solutions apply to any topic that's normally private and therefore tough to handle in friendships. Keeping so many topics taboo in a friendship can make the relationship feel surface and lacking in many ways. It might be worth making finances an "approved" topic.

We discussed:

  • Our nostalgia about spending time with friends in less expensive ways
  • Splitting the bill with friends (or not)
  • The expense of being in a friend's wedding or traveling to a friend's event
  • The expectations around baby showers and other events
  • Planning group trips and the budget issues involved
  • The awkwardness in talking about money, but also the opportunity. These honest discussions can deepen a friendship and encourage openness about other topics, too.

The two pieces of Mia's in Shondaland.com we specifically discussed in depth:

"How Much Are Your Friendships Costing You"

"The Art of Friendship: How to Open Up About Money"

Meet Mia Brabham Nolan

Mia Brabham Nolan is currently a staff writer at Shondaland.com. She pens the series "Joy Makers" and "The Art of Friendship." Her debut book, Note to Self, which is a short collection of life lessons, is in the hands of readers all over the world.

Instagram, Twitter, bymiabrabham.com

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Note to Self: Little reminders about life, love, people, and that tiny voice inside.

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Episode #107: I rarely cover family relationships on Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, but I consistently receive letters about sisters-in-law so I realized it was time to broach the topic.

Let me first say, I have a wonderful relationship with my sisters-in-law. I'm lucky! I was still able to take what I know about getting along (or not) with friends and relate it to the sister-in-law problem that listeners and readers keep writing to me about.

In this new series, The Letter Spotlight, I'll be sharing one letter every six weeks or so and sharing my answer. The way I answer this month's letter about sisters-in-law also applies to roommates, neighbors, and cousins---relationships that aren't quite friendships but could be (and don't have to be for a successful and happy connection).

Want to send in a letter for the show or the newsletter? You can do that at https://ninabadzin.com/dearnina/.

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Episode #106: Welcome to Dear Nina, Conversations About Friendship. Today is a tough topic, and I'm not going to promise you that we come to an easy solution at the end. The fallout from losing the friendship of an entire group is a heartache that takes tremendous time to heal. Today's guest, is still in that healing process.

I spoke to writer and podcaster, Meghan Judge, about her experience being dropped by an entire group of friends in a small community. This happened in her adult life (and not that long ago). Meghan takes us through her story of becoming friends with this group, all that happened when the friendships fell apart, and how she's taking care of her mental health now. With compassion and humor, Meghan gives hope to others who have experienced the same pain.

Note: the David Sedaris essay we discussed is "Consider the Stars" from Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim

Meet Meghan Judge:

Meghan is a trauma survivor who covers PTSD, mental health, and suicide prevention on her show Judging Meghan. Through interviews with other survivors, she has learned that there is a way out. "From recovering to surviving and thriving, we all have the strength to come out to the other side." Follow Meghan on Instagram @judgingmeghan

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Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim

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Episode #105: After a trip to Chicago to say goodbye to my childhood house, I appreciated how even one meal with your long distance friends means so much. You need time with your long distance friends, but not as much time as you think. You don't need full weekends away, though of course those are nice. You don't need long retreats in fancy resorts or expensive rental houses.

Yes, it's true that with extra time you can cover more ground, but it's still worth making an effort to hangout in person even for one meal, one walk, or one excursion.

This sounds obvious, but so many people are waiting for the perfect time and life conditions to spend time with their long distance friends. Don't wait. Even a little bit of time goes a long way.

In this short episode, I also celebrated three years of podcasting, announced two new behind-the-scenes team members and two new types of episodes that will appear regularly in the podcast feed.

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Episode #104: Jill Smokler is the creator of Scary Mommy, one of the most original and successful mom blogs ever. She was also the first mom blogger to sell her site to a major media company. But Dear Nina is not a business podcast, and this is not a discussion about business regrets or rebranding. Jill was recently diagnosed with brain cancer. And since Jill is also my real-life friend from college, this episode is personal.

Jill and I had a candid conversation about her diagnosis, her decision to step away from her post-Scary Mommy work, and the ways friendship and community have become so important in this part of her life. Jill also had specific advice for anyone with a friend who is diagnosed with cancer---what is most helpful, what is least helpful, and everything in between.

For updates on Jill (and for her humor and candor!) follow her on Instagram and Threads --both @jillsmokler.

Links mentioned:

  • The recent today.com piece on Jill's diagnosis and the rise of Scary Mommy
  • Jill's books: Confessions of a Scary Mommy and Scary Mommy's Guide to Surviving the Holidays
  • She's Got Issues: the podcast and online magazine Jill founded
  • My two visits on She's Got Issues: "Friendship-- Mistakes & Hard Lessons Learned" and "Friendship Breakups: Accepting When a Friendship is Over"
  • Jill's previous visit to Dear Nina: "Old School Blogging Friendships"
    Kate Bowler's book, No Cure For Being Human (And Other Truths I Need to Hear)

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Confessions of a Scary Mommy: An Honest and Irreverent Look at Motherhood - The Good, The Bad, and the Scary
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Episode #103: Friendship meet-cutes, the perfect jacket or blazer, fashion emergencies solved by our friends, making the first friendship move, and more.I'm talking to Rachel Levy Lesser of Life's Accessories: The Podcast for a fun crossover episode.

We covered:

  • Some personal friendship "meet-cutes" that mean more to us than our former romantic meet-cutes. Yes, our stories include blazers and jackets.
  • The leather jackets in my best friend Taryn's closet that I coveted as a teen.
  • The very special friends who send you fashion links to help you in your fashion emergencies or just because they're thinking about you.
  • Making the first friendship move no matter how awkward it can be to put yourself out there
  • Knowing that our personalities (and therefore being friends with us) are not for everyone

Meet Rachel Levy Lesser:

Rachel was the host for this episode! She's the woman behind the mic at Life's Accessories: The Podcast. Rachel is also the author of Life’s Accessories, A Memoir (And Fashion Guide) Her articles and essays have appeared all over the internet and in various anthologies, and she's one of my favorite new friends in the past few years. (Yes, I added that to her official bio.)

Find Life's Accessories on Instagram and Facebook.

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Episode #102: Shasta Nelson, friendship expert extraordinaire, joins me to discuss how and why to be honest with friends when we're upset with them. Our friendships CAN survive tough conversations, hurt feelings, and conflict. AND, our overall social health will improve when we learn to get through the hard stuff with our friends.

Meet Shasta Nelson:

Shasta Nelson is a leading expert and author on social relationships, speaking across the country and facilitating events to build belongingness and human connection. She's a contributor to the Harvard Business Review and has been quoted in several publications, including Forbes, the New York Times, and TIME magazine; and she has been interviewed live on dozens of TV shows, such as the Today Show and Steve Harvey Show. Shasta's new podcast is Friendtimacy: More Fulfilling Friendships.

Some of the topics we covered:

  • Conflict can be a portal to closeness once issues are addressed.
  • Expressing a problem to friends gives them the opportunity to explain themselves. If you're not going to bring up your hurt feelings or your issue, it's on you to work on forgiveness even though your friend hasn't been given the opportunity to ask for forgiveness.
  • When to let things go vs. when to be direct with your friend
  • Vulnerability is important in friendships, which includes being honest with friends when you're upset with them and letting friends know where you're sensitive in general.
  • When we feel lonely, scared, or nervous we look for reasons to confirm those feelings.
  • The issue of parents overprotecting their kids from hurt feelings for so long that even into young adulthood their children cannot handle even the tiniest bit of friendship conflict.
  • Friendship is a major investment in time, energy, and emotion. Being honest with a friend about an issue you're having with the friendship protects the time "investment" you've already made.
  • How writing and talking about friendships affects Shasta's friendships (and I answered that one too).
  • When a friendship is no longer worth fighting for
  • Tough conversations get a little easier with practice and strengthen your health!

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Episode #101: It's the first official "ask me anything" episode in honor of 100 episodes!
With questions to my anonymous inbox and through my Facebook group (Dear Nina: The Group), or through Instagram and TikTok-- both @dearninafriendship.

I had a great time answering questions and I couldn't even get to everything so I will keep doing these every so often.

Some of the topics I covered in under 30 minutes:

  • Be more direct with friends
  • Awkwardness after ending a friendship
  • Friendship trios, rectangles
  • Letting friends hangout without you
  • Don’t assume friends operate like you do
  • “Best” friends as a difficult term
  • Teens who never make plans
  • Not ditching certain friends for the "popular" friend
  • Friends who dismiss a topic that you're trying to discuss
  • Some of my friendship history

  • And more!

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Episode #100: They say camp friends are the best friends. Why? At camp there are no screens, you take risks, parents aren't breathing down your back, and the magic ingredients of endless hours + constant proximity make it possible to create intense, close bonds with kids your age.

In this special episode of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, I have voicemails about campers and former campers ages 15-50, and I have a fantastic in-depth discussion about the highs (and lows) of camp friendships with author, Dara Levan, whose new novel, It Could Be Worse, features an important camp bond in a character's otherwise traumatic childhood.

Meet Dara Levan: Dara, a Miami-based writer, is the creator and host of Every Soul Has a Story, a podcast in which she interviews inspiring people from around the globe. Find Dara on Instagram @dara.levan.

Some of the topics we covered:

  • Not every aspect of camp is good-- cliques are an issue at camp just like everywhere else, maybe more so.
  • Single sex vs co-ed camps
  • Jonathan Haidt's new book, The Anxious Generation, discusses the dangers of a screen-based childhood and a childhood with no autonomy. Camp helps solve both of these issues, at least while kids are there.
  • Conflicts at camp have to be dealt with by the kids, with some help from staff. Parents aren't there to fix every social disappointment, though they definitely try now more than ever.
  • Are pictures ruining camp?
  • Are counselors sending news home (with their phones) ruining the "camp bubble"?
  • The word "intense" came up in every voicemail--in a good way.
  • At camp you have rare access to older role models
  • The humility that's developed through learning so many new skills and not always being the best

  • "Lifelong friends" came up in several voicemails as well as "camp friends are the best friends."

  • All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

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Episode #99: Welcome to the 14-day friendship (mindset) cleanse, brainchild of previous Dear Nina guest, Anna Goldfarb, whose book Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections, is finally out in the world. Don't feel put off by the word, "cleanse." This discussion is about reconsidering how you're approaching friendships and how you're treating your closest friends. (And that particular list shouldn't be too long.)

By the end of this episode, you will have a healthier frame for thinking through your friendships, and you'll know why I became friends with Anna after her visit to the podcast almost two years ago when we talked about lopsided friendships.

Meet Anna Goldfarb:

Anna Goldfarb is the Philadelphia-based journalist and author of Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Vice, TIME, The Cut and more. Follow Anna on twitter @AnnaGoldfarb and on Instagram.

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Episode #98: There are five questions I want us to be asking ourselves to get a sense of where our friendships stand. Even if you're not a student or a parent, thinking in school months is a helpful measure of time. Maybe you got some grades. Maybe your kids got grades. Maybe at work you got an evaluation. It's also worth your time to evaluate your friendships and give yourself an honest assessment. And if you DO have kids of any age all the way through college, this is a good short episode to send them.

I'm saying "us" because I'm here assessing right along with you as I'm trying to be the friend I want to be and have friendships in my life that feel fulfilling.

The 5 questions also make good journal prompts. Each question deserves more time than I can give them on the podcast. I've personally found as a writing teacher (and a lifelong writing student) that putting pen to paper or fingers to the keyboard brings unexpected answers to the surface. The questions are listed below so that you don't have to write them down while listening.

Full show notes with the 5 questions listed and other related links can be found here: https://ninabadzin.com/2024/05/27/5-questions-to-evaluate-your-friendships/

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Episode #97: Invisible disabilities can turn into a source of shame and unknowingly get in the way of friendships. What is an invisible disability? It's any condition that is not obvious, perhaps even to the closest of friends. Some examples are depression, anxiety, other mental health diagnoses, as well as physical conditions such as chronic pain, fatigue, and too many other examples to list where symptoms are felt but not seen.

This week's guest, Estelle Erasmus, shares her experience with genetic hearing loss that began in her 20s and stayed a secret long after she started wearing hearing aids. In her piece for Shondaland.com, "I'm Learning to Listen in New Ways" Estelle shares the stress of keeping that secret from friends and the deep relief of telling the truth. I'm grateful to share her perspective with Dear Nina listeners.

Meet Estelle:

Estelle Erasmus,author of Writing That Gets Noticed: Find Your Voice, Become a Better Storyteller, Get Published (June 2023), is a professor of writing at NYU, the host of the Freelance Writing Direct podcast, and a contributing editor for Writer's Digest. She has appeared on Good Morning America and has had her articles discussed on The View. She received the 2023 NYU School of Professional Studies Teaching Excellence Award, a 2023 Zibby Award for Best Book for the Writer, is in Poets & Writers “Best Books for Writers”, and is an American Society of Journalists and Authors award winner. Learn more at www.EstelleSErasmus.com (and receive a free pitching guide). Also, follow Estelle on Instagram, TikTok, and X, and sign up for her Substack of craft advice, stories and opportunities at estelleserasmus.substack.com

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Episode #96: I have been a Gretchen Rubin fan since 2009 when I read The Happiness Projectthe week it came out. Who could resist that cover and concept? And I cannot believe this, but I got to discuss my favorite topic, friendship, with Gretchen Rubin on Dear Nina.

In celebration of Gretchen's paperback release of Life in Five Senses: How Exploring the Senses Got Me Out of My Head and Into the World. I am replaying our episode from about a year ago. I found my favorite parts of the episode and put it together.

We covered:

  • The art of listening for what is being said and what is not being said in conversations with friends.
  • The sound, sight, and touch of mixtapes plus our attempt to hatch a new business idea.
  • The sound and touch of mahjong
  • The joy of tasting parties
  • The nostalgia inherent in taste or even discussing foods we used to eat with friends
  • The distracting sight of friends checking their phones and watches
  • The sight of friends' faces and the emotions we read on their faces
  • Making plans to see sights with friends and the memories created
  • Hugging friends! (I've gotten better at this since we first spoke.)
  • And we took a quick dip into The Four Tendencies for me to share my husband being the Upholder of all Upholders.
  • Take the "most neglected sense" quiz here.

Meet Gretchen Rubin

Gretchen Rubin is one of today’s most influential observers of happiness and human nature. She’s the author of many books, including the blockbuster New York Times bestsellers Life in Five Senses, Outer Order, Inner Calm; The Four Tendencies; Better Than Before; and The Happiness Project. Her books have sold more than 3.5 million copies worldwide, in more than thirty languages. She hosts the top-ranking, award-winning podcast “Happier with Gretchen Rubin,” where she explores practical solutions for living a happier life. Raised in Kansas City, she lives in New York City with her husband and two daughters. You can find everything you need at gretchenrubin.com.

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The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People's Lives Better, Too)
The Happiness Project: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun

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Episode #95: Oversharing, overtalking, undertalking, undersharing, small talk, deep talks, mismatches in vulnerability, and the art of listening---these are the tricky friendship topics we are dealing with today. I'm joined by Micaela Blei, a GrandSLAM-winning storyteller and former founding Director of Education at The Moth.

Topics we covered:

  • There is no right or wrong in how much to talk or how much to share. The words "over" or "under" signal a potential mismatch in conversation styles.
  • The connection between overtalking and over-explaining (the fear of being misunderstood).
  • Ways to sense when someone is ready to move beyond small talk.
  • How the dynamics of managing new friendship conversations is similar to flirting
  • Some lessons from storytelling include: an awareness of "airtime," listening attentively (no phone), not confusing your friends for your audience.
  • It takes work to share with friends, and it takes work to listen.
  • Flexibility between deep and casual conversations is a sign of true intimacy in a friendship.
  • Learning not to take responsibility for the success of every conversation. (That one was for me to work on myself!)

Meet Micaela Blei, PhD:
Micaela has been teaching, studying and performing true, personal storytelling worldwide since 2012. She is a two-time Moth GrandSLAM winner and former founding Director of Education at The Moth. She’s currently the visiting professor of Storytelling at the Salt Institute for Documentary Studies in Portland, Maine, and a story editor for history, comedy and true crime shows at Wondery.

Micaela’s own storytelling can be heard on The Moth Radio Hour and podcast, Family Ghosts, Risk! and many others. Her Audible Original memoir, “You Will Not Recognize Your Life,” will be released on Audible later this year. Find out more, and hear more stories, at micaelablei.com.

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Episode #94: Everyone runs into bumps in their friendships. Trust me, I have a decade's worth of writing material from readers and listeners to prove that point. But when are friendship issues getting to the point where addressing them with a therapist is highly recommended? I'm joined by award-winning psychotherapist, Roxanne Francis, who responded brilliantly and graciously to the five areas of friendship dilemmas I hear about most often.

Meet Roxanne Francis, MSW, RSW: Roxanne is a Registered Social Worker and psychotherapist. She is the CEO of Francis Psychotherapy & Consulting Services, where she runs a busy group therapy practice with her team. She is also a keynote speaker, leadership coach and corporate consultant who addresses topics related to women’s issues, race & equity, mental health, parenting, and wellness at work.

The five categories of friendship issues we covered:

1. You feel you have no friends.

2. You struggle to keep friends because friends are ghosting you.

3. You struggle to keep friends because you often cut people out of your life.

4. The majority of your friendships are happening through a screen.

5. Protecting your boundaries has become extreme, making it difficult to connect with friends and community.

  • All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

  • My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
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Episode #93: A quick conversation about the subtle hurts that can make friendship difficult. It's the small slights I cover on Dear Nina in general, not the giant betrayals.

Why? The big "stuff" is much more black and white, and we don't need much conversation around whether to stay friends.

Today I also have a big instagram tip if you're looking to change your Instagram handle. I changed mine to @dearninafriendship. Instagram doesn't make it all that simple if you have tons of links in the world leading to your old handle (which I do). I explain it all in the episode.

LINKS MENTIONED:

  • I was guest on the We're Not Fine podcast with Dr. Talia Jackson and Doug Jensen. "Your Friend Hurt You, Is Your Friendship Salvageable?"
  • I was also a guest on The AWEd Life Podcast. "Expanding Our Friendships in Different Stages of Life" (with a big focus on midlife and early empty nester life)

  • My friend Emily of The Connected Mom Life gave me the positive push and advice to change my instagram handle to @dearninafriendship.

  • All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

  • My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
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Episode #92: For anyone who has been hurt by a friend--or a group of friends--recently or in the past, this 14-minute episode is for you. It's a solo episode that came from my reaction to a TikTok video I saw by a woman who was left out of a group trip years ago and has decided she will never trust anyone with her friendship again.

Other titles I considered: (and all relate to this 14-minute episode!)

  • Not All Women Are Vicious
  • Don’t Let Being Left Out Dictate Your Future Friendships
  • Don't Overly Focus on the Friends Who Rejected You
  • You (and your kids) Will Survive Being Left Out
  • There is a Natural Drifting From Friends at Each Age and Stage of Life

In other words, I covered all of the above in this one.

LINKS MENTIONED:

  • The TikTok video I’m reacting to in this episode
  • “Why Big Friend Groups Often Fail and Helping Kids Handle Friendship Conflict” with Dr. Lisa Damour
  • “I’m Just Not Into This Friendship” with Ruchi Koval
  • “Friends Will Hang Out Without You” with Taryn Kessel
  • “Difficult Teen Friendships and Parent Involvement” with Stephanie Sprenger
  • “Every Friendship Starts or Deepens With an Act of Bravery” with Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston

QUOTES FROM THE EPISODE:

"There's so much focus on who wasn't interested, who drifted away, who left, who left you out, who left your kid out. Let's focus on who said yes. That is where our energy should be.”

“I don't think it's a good idea to ‘normalize,' to use an extremely overused word on the internet, turning our lives upside down when friends do things without us. If we're going to normalize anything, let's normalize that friends WILL hang out without us. Just like we sometimes want to hang out in smaller groups or with just one or two people.”

  • All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

  • My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
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Episode #91: Dr. Lisa Damour's latest book, The Emotional Lives of Teenagers , is out in paperback. On this episode we revisit the best nuggets of my previous conversation with Dr. Lisa, focusing on teen and tween friend groups and all of the anxiety that goes along with parenting a teen who is dealing with not being in a group. We cover teens not liking their place in a group, wishing they had a group, wishing they had a smaller group, and so on.

We also discuss the reality that every kid will be left out and will likely leave out others, and we touch on what "mental health" actually means. (It doesn't mean feeling good all the time.) Finally, we spend a good deal of time on helping teens manage conflict with friends.

Dr. Lisa Damour is a renowned psychologist and the NYT bestselling author of Untangled, Under Pressure, The Emotional Lives of Teenagers, and the co-host of the Ask Lisa Podcast. Find Dr. Lisa on Instagram and Twitter.

Topics We Covered:

  • Dr. Lisa with Dax and Monica on Armchair Expert
  • Teens will get left out and leave others.
  • Friend groups seem overly formal to adults these days, but it's a reality for teens. Lisa said, "If your kid has one or two good buddies, leave it alone. It's perfect. If your kid has a large friendship group, do not assume that anyone is going out of their way to cause trouble. It is the nature of those larger groups."
  • In groups of over four, it's impossible that every person will like each other equally.
  • If your teen has a few close friends, they have everything they need for a positive social life. Reassure them that we have good data showing that the least stressed kids have one or two good friends.
  • Understanding that mental health has come to be equated with feeling good or relaxed or happy. These are all wonderful things, but they're not what mental health is. Dr. Damour explains that being mentally healthy is about having feelings that fit the circumstance, then managing those feelings, even if those are negative emotions.
  • Learning the difference between uncomfortable and unmanageable.

  • Helping teens make the most of the friendship strife they face by learning how to handle conflict. This will serve them for the rest of their lives.

  • All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

  • My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
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Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls
Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood

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Episode #90: Many of us say we would be there for our friends in an emergency, but that's often theory until it's tested. Not everyone can rise to the occasion. And crisis is a time when the friends you want around you and the ones you may need to leave behind (even for just a while) becomes very clear.

Kelly Lang, co-author with her husband, Mike, of The Miracle Child: Traumatic Brain Injury and Meis a brain injury survivor and caregiver to her daughter who sustained a traumatic brain injury in 2001, in her early 30s, after the family's minivan was hit and pushed through an intersection by a reckless driver. Kelly takes us through the days after the accident and the way friends and family supported her family then and throughout the years.

Meet Kelly Lang:
Kelly Lang co-leads the Brain Injury Association of America’s Advisory Council and serves on the Virginia Brain Injury Advisory Council. Her advocacy experience includes working with the National Center on Advancing Person-Centered Practices and Systems’ Brain Injury Learning Collaborative and serving as a member of the Traumatic Brain Injury Leadership Group and the Person-Centered Advisory Group. She has been the Keynote speaker at a number of state brain injury conferences and conducted workshops and webinars about brain injury and advocacy. Kelly is also a communications trainer with INOVA Health Systems. Kelly and her husband, Mike, created a website https://www.themiraclechild.org/ educating others about brain injury.

Find Kelly: LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, Threads

  • All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

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Episode #89: Do you ever feel like you or someone you know is just not “good at” friendship? It's never too late to address negative patterns in our friendships or any relationship. Today's guest, author Christie Tate, author of B.F.F.: A Memoir of Friendship Lost and Found, set out to break decades of unhealthy cycles in her friendships. Do you think you "suck at friendship" as Christie thought before she started this process? There is hope! Christie is here to prove it.
We covered:

  • Abolishing a school cafeteria mentality from our adult friendships
  • Aiming for friendship circles (expansive ) vs. triangles (hard edges)
  • Recognizing how jealousy and envy alters our behavior towards others
  • Knowing when we're asking friends for too much assurance
  • Changing from a scarcity mindset to one of abundance
  • Developing compassion for the "it" person (child or adult)
  • Ghosting and being ghosted
  • Owning our ambitions and desires in order to combat competition with friends

Meet Christie Tate:
Christie’s latest memoir is, B.F.F.: A Memoir of Friendship Lost and Found. Her previous memoir, Group: How One Therapist and a Circle of Strangers Saved My Life, was a New York Times bestseller and a Reese Witherspoon book club pick. You can find links to her many published essays and her writing workshops on her website. Find Christie's Substack newsletter here, and find her on Instagram @Christieotate.

  • All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

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Group: How One Therapist and a Circle of Strangers Saved My Life

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Episode #88: Managing differences of opinion with friends can get tricky. An obvious area is politics, but smaller differences also get between friends, like parenting decisions.

Examples: parents who give their kids a phone and social media years before the other friend; public vs. private school; where you live; how you vacation---those are not as divisive as politics, but it's an ongoing difference in your choices. Do we allow our differences to become a strength in a friendship or a weakness? I advocate for strength, which requires empathy for the next person.

Here to talk about developing empathy and managing these potential differences is therapist and author, Emily Locker. Emily's debut novel, Running Mates, is a modern day Romeo and Juliet and one of the best fictional versions I've read of friends with big differences---political ones in this case. Emily and I lean into her professional work as a therapist for advice on how to get along with people who have different points of view.

And there is another major fact that I need to tell you about Emily. Emily is my second cousin! Our grandfathers were brothers, and our moms are first cousins. We also talk in the episode about the potential of friendship between cousins and how jealous I always was of Emily and her first cousins.

Meet Emily Locker:

Emily lives in Washington, D. C. with her husband and two young sons. Find Emily on Instagram @emilylocker.

  • All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

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None

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Episode #87: Shows like The Golden Girls and Grace & Frankie are beloved by so many, but also treated as a fantasy. What if platonic life partnerships didn't have to be merely a dream? What if you didn't have to wait until retirement age to consider centering your life around friendship?

Today's guest, Rhaina Cohen, author of The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center, profiles platonic partners in her book who are at different ages and stages of life. While there have always been people throughout history making the choice to commit their lives to a friend rather than a romantic partner, there are not common models, labels, or legal benefits for these kind of arrangements.

MEET RHAINA COHEN:

Rhaina Cohen is an award-winning producer and editor for NPR’s documentary podcast Embedded. She was named a 2021/2022 National Endowment for the Humanities Public Scholar for her debut nonfiction book, The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center. Her writing, often focused on social connection, has appeared in The Atlantic, The New York Times, The Washington Post and elsewhere. She’s spent most of her career working on podcasts that blend narratives and ideas, including Hidden Brain, Invisibilia and Rough Translation. Find Rhaina on Twitter and Instagram.

We discussed:

  • The lack of vocabulary or process for people who want to try a platonic partnership.The real enchantment and sense of possibility that happens when you're excited about a new friend, a feeling that's not so different from a romantic spark. Rhaina mentioned "limerence" as the term used for this initial sensation in romance that can apply to friendship too.
  • The crucial element of proximity in close friendships.
  • The popularity of the Llano Exit Strategy story and the dream people have about clustering near close friends eventually.
  • The importance of not having just one story in our minds for what it looks like to be happy, fulfilled, and connected.

  • Some of the benefits Rhaina gains because she and her husband live with another couple (platonically) and the couple's two kids.

  • All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

  • My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
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Episode #86: Making friends and deepening existing friendships starts with some basic truths.

  • "Every friendship starts with an act of bravery. And every friendship goes to the next level because of someone's act of bravery. "
  • "Do not wait for the other person to make the first move. It's always your turn."

These are just two of many wise and thoughtful quotes about making friends and deepening friendships from today's guests, Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston.

Amy, Jess, and I---three friendship enthusiasts---shared times we've been brave in making friends and deepening those friendships as well as times we've struggled.

We covered:

  • Some of our own personal stories of the brave act of making friends, including how Amy and Jess met online and formed a real friendship
  • The fear of rejection
  • The fear of being awkward
  • Letting go of assumptions you've made about what everyone is thinking
  • The fear of leaving others out
  • Finding a pickleball game!
  • Focusing on the people who say yes and don't fixate on the people who are not interested
  • Not giving up all of your power to make friendships happen
  • Intentionality and vulnerability in deepening friendships
  • The fear of sharing who you really are
  • Asking good questions
  • Allowing kids and teens to experience friendship bumps (not trying to fix everything)

MEET AMY AND JESS
Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston are cofounders of the viral page all about friendship, Sister, I Am with You. They coauthored the new book, Here For It and the Wall Street Journal bestseller I'll Be There (But I'll Be Wearing Sweatpants) and have been featured in national news such as Good Morning America to talk about friendship. They are friends first, business partners second, and absolutely adore any time they can spend together in real life (eating queso) and laughing till they ache.

Find Amy & Jess on: Facebook, Instagram, and on their Website.

  • All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

  • My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
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I'll Be There (But I'll Be Wearing Sweatpants)

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Episode #85: "The more the merrier" is a common expression for good reason. Most of us don't want to be considered exclusive. We want others to feel welcomed and comfortable around us. But there are times when the more the merrier is not the case-- when the group dynamics for a particular event won't work if everyone comes along.

In episode 85, I have a tough conversation with Danielle Bayard Jackson, an incredibly clear-thinking friendship coach and national speaker on the topic of female friendships.

Danielle's viral TikTok and viral Instagram post on "Reasons Why You (Possibly) Weren't Invited" caught my attention. She gave examples in those videos I know I have done myself (cringe) and things I've thought, but have been too scared to say on my podcast or in my own writing about friendship.

I needed Danielle by my side to have this conversation about why we and others are sometimes not invited. And I'm glad I shared some of own insecurities and pet peeves, even though the topic gave me a stomachache when we spoke and still does posting it for others to hear.

Meet Danielle:

Danielle Bayard Jackson is a female friendship coach and educator who speaks nationally on the subject of friendship as a wellness imperative. Her coaching business, Friend Forward, is dedicated to teaching women how to create and maintain better female friendships. Danielle’s expertise has been featured in NBC News, Psychology Today, Wall Street Journal, Oprah Magazine, and many other outlets. She shares her insight weekly on The Friend Forward Podcast and has a book coming out in spring 2024 called Fighting For Our Friendships. Danielle is the official spokesperson for Bumble’s new app Bumble For Friends.

Personal IG - @daniellebayardjackson. Friend Forward IG - @friendforward
TikTok - @thefriendshipexpert Twitter -

  • All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

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Episode #84: Debra Arbit and I tell our real-life friendship story, which is a great example of going from barely acquaintances to close friends in our 40s. Well, when we met Debra was still in her 30s, but I was in my 40s. We share the emails and texts that move us from office-mates to friends.

Debra and I don't agree on everything, but we do agree that inviting people into your home is one way to significantly move a friendship forward. We share lots of tips for how to make hosting a much easier task.

As I discussed way back in episode 20, good friendship chemistry isn't enough to foster a good friendship. One person in the acquaintanceship has to "make a move" to talk more or hang out in a different context.

I shared very detailed show notes for this one with all the hosting tips we covered. You can find that here on my website.

Meet Debra:

In addition to being a consultant for women business owners, and raising three young kids, Debra has hosted TONS of friends and acquaintances at her house for meals. Debra took her love for cooking onto her instagram account, @fortheloveofcookbooks, where she cooks her way through entire cookbooks and does much of it live on her Instagram stories. She rates the recipes too. It's a fantastic account!

  • All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

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Episode #83: Have you ever befriended your ex's ex? Today's episode focuses on the potential friendship that comes from a shared hurt and a shared healing. I was intrigued when Lara Starr emailed me about her "sister exes." Lara has written extensively in her Substack, It's Kind of a Long Story, about the friendships that came from bonding with the women who were emotionally hurt by the same man.

This kind of friendship could also apply to fellow ex-friends of a particular friend.

There may be some drawbacks to starting a friendship this way. If the relationship stays way too focused on the common hurt, that's not a true or deep friendship. We get into all of that as Lara shares her story.

Meet Lara Starr: Lara is a publishing publicist and a former radio producer. Find her on Substack and Instagram.

  • All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

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Episode #82: The friendships formed during difficult, even dark, periods of our lives create a lasting impact unlike any other bond. These friendships "in the trenches" can come in many forms---a health crisis, a traumatic experience, or even experiencing an especially intense work environment with a harsh boss and terrible hours.

This week's guest, Jenny Leon, talks about some of the "in the trenches" friendships found in pop culture, but we mainly focus on the special and irreplaceable friendship Jenny made with a fellow young mom who was on the same chemotherapy schedule when Jenny was diagnosed with breast cancer in her 33rd week of pregnancy. Jenny's new friend, Alli, was one of the few people who could understand Jenny's experience. Their bond was crucial and irreplaceable.

In addition, a voicemail from Renee Schuls-Jacobson about finding camaraderie during clonazepam withdrawal reaffirms the profound support we discover in our darkest times. You can learn more about Renee's story in here.

Meet Jenny Leon:

Jenny Leon is a former Manhattan finance lawyer who started writing when she got diagnosed with breast cancer in her 33rd week of pregnancy with her second child. She is working on a memoir on how her love of being a mother provided her with a lifeline to get through a double mastectomy, chemo and radiation.

Jenny's essays have been nominated for a Pushcart Prize and other awards. Most of her work focuses on motherhood, anxiety, and breast cancer. Her writing has been featured in the Globe and Mail, HuffPost Canada, the Buffalo News, Motherwell, Kveller and HerStry amongst others. Additionally, she has been featured in numerous campaigns and presentations for Sharsheret, a national nonprofit that focuses on assisting young women and their families affected by the BRCA mutation.

Find all of Jenny's publications and interviews here. You can follow her on Instagram. And if you'd like to message her directly, she is always happy to hear from others and to help. She can be found at jennyroseleon@gmail.com

  • All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

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Psychiatrized: Waking Up After a Decade of Bad Medicine

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Episode #81: Have you ever held back sharing good news because you sensed a friend wasn't truly celebrating with you? Do you have friends who show up in bad times, but are slow to show support in good times? This episode is for you! I share some thoughts on identifying the friends who want to hear your good news, how to develop more friendships like that, and how to be that kind of friend to others.

Then, my guest, Chaz Sandifer, and I discussed the reality of outgrowing friendships, knowing which friends you can trust, friends who cheer you on, the dangers of jealousy and competition, and much more.

Meet Chaz Sandifer:

Chaz is the founder and owner of theNEWmpls, a holistic health and wellness company specializing in fitness, wellness, and nutrition. They offer private fitness classes around the Twin Cities and a variety of special programs with various partners. Chaz is the sole source for diabetes prevention in Ramsey County. She also owns Lakeview Terrace Farmers Market, the only Black woman owned farmer’s market in Minnesota.

Chaz personally speaks often about owning a health and wellness business as a Black woman. One of her main specialties is discussing generational wealth. Chaz has a weekly podcast with WCCO called Fitness Revolution with Chaz. Chaz has taken on a role as a co-leader for the communications work group at The University of Minnesota in the department for Community Engagement to Advance Research and Community Health, and she's the co-founder of Stories Through the Menu, an exciting chef series in Minneapolis.

Find Chaz on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn.

  • All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

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Episode #80: "Neediness" has come up in plenty of episodes, but this is the first one dedicated to that loaded word. The episode was inspired by a letter from a listener--author, Sally Vardaman, who found herself reacting to my mom's story in episode #72 about her decision to end a friendship over what she called, "neediness." Sally's letter was so reflective and insightful that I asked her to come on the show.

We covered:

  • feeling drained by a friend's needs.
  • worrying you're overtaxing friends with your needs.
  • eliminating the shame of having needs in the first place. We all have needs! They just rarely cannot be met by one particular friend.

MEET SALLY VARDAMAN

Sally Vardaman is a writer who believes in the power of stories to make us think, question our assumptions, and connect with each other despite our differences. She is the author of Shoot the Arrows, a new book of essays to her three teenage children on why honesty and self-reflection are the keys to a healthy and meaningful life. You can find more about her work at sallyvardaman.com. As well as on Facebook, Instagram, and Goodreads.

The Books Sally has found helpful on the topic of neediness:

Sally wrote, "There are no quick fixes and we need all the education we can get. The great thing about books and learning is we always have the opportunity to understand ourselves better and change."

  • Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, a great assessment on attachment issues with lots of practical suggestions for all attachment types.
  • Platonic by Marisa Franco, a look at attachment specifically in friendships (pretty sure I heard about this one through Dear Nina :)
  • How to Be Your Own Best Friend by Mildred Newman and Bernard Berkowitz (first published in 1971, thank you Nora Ephron!)
  • Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melodie Beattie (first published in 1986)

  • Lying by Sam Harris

  • All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

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Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind?and Keep?Love
Lying
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself (Original Edition)
Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make--and Keep--Friends

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Episode #79: Bri McKoy is a cookbook author and military wife who has moved seven times in 12 years. She went from burning everything in the kitchen to learning to cook as a way to create community. Have you ever wondered how to make good friends in a new city? Bri has repeatedly accomplished this task with some towns proving harder than others.

Bri's husband, Jeremy, has been deployed four times since they were married. Cooking helped Bri make friends while he was gone. She is now the author of a beautiful and helpful cookbook, The Cook's Book, Recipes for Keeps and Essential Techniques to Master Everyday Cooking. I am so inspired by Bri's story. I think you will be too!

We covered:

  • the importance of creating a sense of community, even when you know you're moving again
  • which cities were harder to make friends than others
  • combating loneliness and building relationships
  • actionable advice on reaching out to others
  • not waiting for invitations
  • learning patience in the kitchen and letting go of perfection as a host

FIND BRI MCKOY:
Website, Instagram, YouTube

  • All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

  • My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
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Episode #78: You feel good potential friendship chemistry with someone, but then what to do next? This is an episode about pursuing a new friend. (We also get into some texting etiquette.)

  • How do you pursue the friendship in a way that lets the other person know you're interested, but doesn't scare them off?
  • And if you're someone who already has a full social life, how do you make time for a new friend?
  • And why should you make time for a new friend?
  • We also discussed some texting etiquette such as when to employ the thumbs up and when to respond with words. Fans of Dear Nina will know I have strong feelings about this!

Join my conversation with the co-hosts of Life's Accessories, The Podcast, Stephanie Goldstein and Rachel Levy Lesser, as we learn how these very new friends met and became so close despite living in different cities and neither one lacking for friends.

Meet Stephanie and Rachel: Authors, journalists, friends and self proclaimed over-accessorizers, Rachel Levy Lesser and Stephanie Goldstein remember what they wore on pretty much every meaningful occasion. In Life's Accessories, The Podcast, they dig deep into their closets and their memories to tell the stories behind these items. Rachel and Stephanie interview experts, friends, celebrities and just really interesting and awesome people about items from their jewelry boxes and closets, and they do it with wit, humor and insight.

Find Life's Accessories on Instagram and Facebook.

  • All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

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Episode #77: If there's one thing we need these days, it's some joy and laughter. It's dark times. And while today's story of a heartbreak from a friendship breakup isn't exactly what we think of as funny on its own, I am thrilled to tell you that there is a fantastic comedian out there who has made humor and art out of a painful friendship breakup he had in college.

Gabe Mollica's one-man show is called Solo: A Show About Friendship. How could I not feature it on Dear Nina?

If you're a fan of This American Life, you might have already heard a bit of comedian Gabe Mollica's friendship breakup story. Reporter Aviva DeKornfeld did a story called “Say It To My Face” about Gabe. I don't want to give too much away from that episode, but for context, Aviva managed to interview not only Gabe, but also his former college best friend, Tim. The parts with Tim are the fantasy anyone with a friendship breakup has ever had. Gabe got to hear from the friend who got away. And it was that part I related to most in Gabe's story. We discussed it more in today's episode.

Listen to Gabe and I swap friendship break-up stories and share how we both turned that pain into art. Gabe is a masterful storyteller, and his one-man show, Solo: A Show About Friendship, is in the middle of a long run in New York City with shows planned in Chicago and other cities, too.

More about Gabe Mollica:

  • Gabe's story on This American Life
  • Review of Gabe's show in Time Out New York
  • Information on getting tickets to "Solo" can be found here.

  • Find Gabe on Instagram and TikTok.

  • All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

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Episode 76: This episode of Dear Nina focuses on reaching out amidst turmoil (this time in particular, in the Middle East), navigating conversations when you’re not sure what to say, and the profound impact of letting someone know you’re thinking of them.

Questions discussed include:

  • Can a simple message of love and support make a difference to a friend during a crisis?
  • Is it fair to expect friends to post on social media?
  • At what point do you let friends know you're disappointment they didn't reach out?
  • How do you handle it when you see friends publicly post their anger about others' silence and you suspect they might be referring to you?
  • What might keep people from reaching out personally or expressing their opinions publicly?

Past episodes mentioned in this episode:

"The Friend Who Never Initiates Contact"

"The Friend Who Ignores Your Social Media Posts"

  • All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

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Episode #75: If you're struggling with managing your friendships or looking for innovative ways to make new friends, this episode is your roadmap to a richer, more fulfilling social life. What you might be missing if you're not spending time with friends is a container for those friendships. My guests have tons of ideas for you!

Jeff Waldman and Dan Moore joined me for an inspiring thirty minutes where we discussed creating closer friendships by scheduling time with friends. Yes, something as mundane as scheduling in the magic here. We also got into more specific ideas like organizing workshops or trips, putting standing dates on your calendar for phone calls, dinners, fitness check-ins, games, workshops, retreats, and more.

We discussed saying yes sometimes, even when you feel like staying home, and the benefit of being the host of events instead of the guest.

Meet Jeff and Dan

Jeff Waldman is a designer, builder, and author of a book on tools. He sells building plans and has a newsletter on Substack called Elevated Spaces where he writes about both construction and community building and where those two practices intersect for him. Two of Jeff’s especially pertinent posts about friendship are: “Who are all these friends— Scheduled phone calls edition” and “What’s Up With All These Workshops”
His communal property in California's Santa Cruz mountains burned in the wildfires of 2020 but lives on as a canvas for new project.

Dan Moore is a technologist, outdoor enthusiast, husband and father. He has been writing software for over 20 years, and was shocked early in his career at how much software project success depends on human relationships. He's an author and contributor to technical books such as "97 Things Every Cloud Engineer Should Know" and "Letters To a New Developer: What I Wish I Had Known When Starting My Development Career." Dan's also an organizer and member of several interest based groups, including the Odd Fellows (a fraternal order) and the Boulder Ruby programming language meetup group. Dan lives in Boulder, Colorado with his wife and two daughters.

  • All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

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Episode #74 withKristin Nilsen: Have you ever stopped to acknowledge the profound impact of your childhood friendships, even the most casual and fleeting ones, on your adult identity?

This episode is dedicated to the friends who touched our lives, even if they are no longer an active part of it.

Walk down memory lane with Kristin Nilsen, a middle-grade fiction writer and co-host of The Pop Culture Preservation Society Podcast, as we scrutinize our early social interactions and their lasting influence. We acknowledge the importance of these friendships, even those that were temporary, and appreciate the roles they played in shaping us.

Special shoutout to Braeside Elementary School and the many classmates who made my childhood so special.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

  • Kristin's initial visit to Dear Nina was back in episode 26 along with her Pop Culture Preservation Society co-hosts. They talked about making new close friends at fifty and beyond.
  • Childhood books we discussed: Charlotte's Web; the Betsy-Tacy series; Harriet the Spy; Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret; The Secret Garden, The Babysitter's Club series. AND-- Sweet Valley High--I said Lila died of a cocaine overdose, but it was Regina. Oops! And of course, Worldwide Crush.
  • A recent episode of We Can Do Hard Things, titled, "Being Left Out: Navigating That Lifelong Ache."
  • A previous Dear Nina episode with Dr. Lisa Damour about teen friendship groups.

Meet Kristin Nilsen:

Kristin is the author of Worldwide Crush, a new novel for middle grade readers that unpacks and celebrates the celebrity crushes of our youth. It's also gathering a following of nostalgic middle aged readers who are having fun reliving their own first crush experiences. Kristin is also one of the co-hosts of The Pop Culture Preservation Society Podcast, a podcast devoted to preserving the cultural nuggets of the classic Gen X childhood.

Find Kristin on Instagram @kristin.nilsen.writer and on TikTok @worldwidecrushbook.

  • All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

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Episode #73 with Ruchi Koval:

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you simply can't connect with someone trying to become better friends with you? Or, have you ever needed to "downgrade" a friendship? Letting down another person is never easy!

Join me as I sit down with Ruchi Koval, a renowned author, motivational speaker, and relationship coach, to discuss how to navigate these types of conversations with kindness and grace.

Ruchi also shares some hard truths that might require a mindset shift about making room for other people and not always protecting our time as the number one goal in life (despite the internet always teaching us the opposite of that).

Detailed show notes are HERE.

MEET RUCHI KOVAL:

Ruchi is a motivational speaker and relationship coach who has inspired personal transformation in thousands of people. She's the co-founder and Associate Director of Congregation JFX, an innovative community in Cleveland, Ohio. She has been a Jewish educator for two decades, leading self-development groups for adults and teens, and mentoring educators around the world. She’s the author of two books, (she's also working on a third!) and a mother of seven and a grandmother. And she is a trip leader for Momentum, inspiring hundreds of women on their journeys in Israel.

I especially loved Ruchi's second book, Soul Construction: Shape Your Character Using 8 Steps From the Timeless Jewish Practice of Mussar. We spend some time on Mussar principles in the episode.

Find Ruchi on Instagram and on her website.

  • All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

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Soul Construction: Shape Your Character Using 8 Steps from the Timeless Jewish Practice of Mussar

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Episode #72: Sometimes we hurt a friend unintentionally, but an apology is still in order. Is there a friend out there who might be waiting for you to say, "I'm sorry?" Do you owe someone else an apology? This is the episode where we encourage you to think about forgiveness---asking for it and granting it.

Who is we? I finally have MY MOM back on the show! We encouraged each other to think about the friends we might have hurt without realizing we have done so. We also talked about grudges and shared some personal stories of our own pettiness, others' pettiness, and we laughed a bit too.

Naturally the timing of this episode is inspired by the Jewish holidays of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, but the discussion is valuable and relatable no matter your background--Jewish OR NOT.

Join us as we navigate this special time of year dedicated to self-reflection and saying we're sorry, inspiring you to reconsider your relationships and how you handle grudges and forgiveness.

Resources:

  • The 20 questions Bryan uses for self-reflection around Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.
  • The article I wrote for Kveller in 2014, "Waiting For an Apology That Will Never Come"
  • The article I wrote for The Jewish Daily Forward in 2013, "The Benefit of the Doubt for the New Year"
  • If you want the challah recipe I use all the time and wrote about in this essay at On Being, email me at ninabadzin@gmail.com. I will send you the pdf version.

Other episodes featuring my mom:

  • The Friend Who Will Only Text
  • When Friends Ask Questions You Don't Want to Answer
  • Widowhood and Friendship

Two quotes about grudges by Maggie Smith in her book, Keep Moving:

“Maybe we say ‘holding a grudge’ because that kind of resentment is a heavy thing you have to wrap your arms around to carry. Holding it weighs you down, not the other person. Set it down anytime. Right now, for instance. Keep moving.”

“Expect that what you tend to will grow. Expect that what you feed with your care and attention, what you shine your light on, will thrive. Choose wisely. Keep moving.”

Let's connect over all things friendship!

  • Here's my Substack newsletter about friendship & more
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Keep Moving: Notes on Loss, Creativity, and Change

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Episode #71: Diamonde Williamson, found a way to make art from a painful friendship breakup and help others process their breakups, too. Just like romantic breakups, friendship breakups can lead to feelings of grief, loss, and loneliness. Yet, these feelings are often dismissed or minimized, making it hard to heal and move forward.

Learn more about Diamonde's documentary, Best Friends Not Forever. Topics We Covered:

  • Friendships that end because someone decided they need to end vs. a friendship that fades
  • Friendship breakups are an ageless, universal issue, causing pain
  • Acknowledging the grief of a friendship that ended for any reason
  • How mutual friends can handle a breakup between their friends (It's hard to be in the middle!)
  • The importance of communication in friendships
  • Taking responsibility for our sides of friendships that ended
  • The beauty of reconciliation and forgiveness when possible
  • Making art as part of a healing process

Meet Diamonde Williamson:

Diamonde Williamson is the Founder and CEO of Third and Wonder Production House, the go-to media and production company for Black women and Black culture, specializing in branded, documentary, and unscripted formats. She's created hundreds of videos for notable clientele like: The Oprah Winfrey Network, Google, Warner Bros., Essence, and more. Learn more about her original documentary, Best Friends Not Forever, and her highly praised podcast Creative Women Wanted. Her continued goal is to build community and produce entertaining, empowering and relatable art for Black women.

You can also find Diamonde on Instagram @therealdiamonde.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

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Episode #70: Ever feel like your social life is a waiting game, stuck in the perpetual hope for an invitation to hang out? It’s time to flip the script! This episode is about empowering you to take control of your social time and friendships.

Don't wait around hoping to be invited--reach out, take the lead, and discover the joy that comes with being the planner. It's a super power!

This is the perfect episode for a new school year, or a new season of friendship for ALL AGES from kids to every stage of adulthood. Yes, every stage--through retirement and beyond.

A few links mentioned in the episode:

  • The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness by Robert Waldinger M.D. and Marc Schulz Ph.D.
  • This Ted Talk by Susan Pinker: "The Secret to Living Longer May be Your Social Life"
  • Episode #3 of Dear Nina, "The Friend Who Never Initiates Contact"
  • Danielle Bayer Jackson is an amazing source for all things friends, and the upcoming guest I mentioned and not being invited.
  • And so it Anna Goldfarb! In this episode I mentioned her 30 days of friendship tips on Threads.
  • My best friend and occasional guest, Taryn Kessel, always talks about being your own "cruise director." You can find Taryn on episodes #2, #9, #18, #27.
  • Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris

Let's connect over all things friendship!

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Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim

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Episode #69: with Jennifer Cramer-MillerYou know those articles and memes that are everywhere reprimanding us about what NOT to say to a friend who is going through a hard time of any kind? Jennifer is here today to say THE OPPOSITE of that. She's urging us to stop being afraid of saying the wrong things to friends with chronic illness, or friends dealing with anything else.

Your friends will never say the perfect thing! WE will sometimes say the "wrong thing" to our friends. And I agree with Jennifer that we need to leave so much more room for people to say the imperfect thing and then let it go.

Meet Jennifer Cramer-Miller

Jennifer is an author, speaker, and four-time kidney transplant recipient. Diagnosed with an incurable autoimmune disease at 22 and then experiencing the weight and relief of four transplants has given Jennifer a way of seeing life and the people in it that I could not wait to share with listeners.

Jennifer’s memoir, Incurable Optimist: Living with Illness and Chronic Hope is available now where books are sold. She also has lots of essays all over the place but some examples— Zibby Mag, Brevity, Grown & Flown, Star Tribune, and Minnesota Physician— some of which were started in our ModernWell Writing Group!

Find Jennifer on her website, and on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.

A few links mentioned in the episode:

  • The National Kidney Foundation for information on becoming a living donor
  • The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness by Robert Waldinger M.D. and Marc Schulz Ph.D
  • The guest spot I mentioned was on The Untitled Gen-X Podcast where we did a deep dive into Steel Magnolias

Let's connect over all things friendship!

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Episode #68: Today we're discussing a harder topic than usual--what to do when your friend is in a very unhealthy or even an abusive relationship. It can be extremely difficult as a friend, as opposed to a family member, to know when you can step in to help, or how you can help.

I'm grateful to Rachel Katz for sharing her story. She's been on both sides of this equation. Rachel can speak to the frustration of watching a friend stay in a dangerous relationship, and she's been in a toxic relationship herself so she has firsthand experience with what a friend could do to help someone in the same situation.

Meet Rachel Katz

Rachel is a Wellness Embodiment Coach, Nutritional Scientist, Certified Holistic Nutritionist, and Yoga Teacher. She helps women heal on a mind body and soul level so that they can embody true wellness. Her mission is to help you heal your relationships- with food, your body, yourself, & others so you can live your most full life ever!

Find Rachel on Instagram, TikTok, and on her website.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

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In this episode, I encourage listeners to reach out to some long distance friends and plan a trip! Why? I finally put my money where my mouth is and spent time with out of town friends, and in this solo episode, I'm telling you all about it.

Visiting long distance friends requires time and usually a financial commitment, but the rewards are priceless. The planning of these trips and then the actual trip itself, even very short ones, creates shared memories, deepens bonds, and reminds of us the joy of being in the same space. In a world where technology often dictates our interactions, it's crucial to remember the value of face-to-face connections and the impact they have on our lives.

More specifically, I'm talking about a trip with college friends to Boulder in this episode and the extra few days I stayed there to spend time with Pam Moore, a dear friend of a decade I had never met in person.

The resources I mentioned about Pam Moore and Julie Vick:

  • Pam's podcast: The Real Fit Podcast
  • Pam's ebook guide to pitching editors. 7 Pitches That Sold.
  • Julie Vick's book: Babies Don't Make Small Talk (So Why Should I?): The Introvert's Guide to Surviving Parenthood

Two Videos I made of the trip:

  • TikTok (a little longer)
  • Instagram (very quick!)

Let's connect over all things friendship!

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Babies Don't Make Small Talk (So Why Should I?): The Introvert's Guide to Surviving Parenthood

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Episode #66 with Heidi Shertok

Today we’re talking about a topic that people have written to me about consistently over the years--friendships between introverts and extroverts.

Here to help me is Heidi Shertok, who told me that being an introvert in an extrovert’s world has presented some problems for her in her friendships from time to time. PLUS, I was so excited to talk to Heidi about her trailblazing novel in the romance genre--a romance starting an Orthodox Jewish woman. You've heard of Amish romance? Now there's an Orthodox romance to compete!

Meet Heidi Shertok

Heidi is becoming very well known as a romantic comedy writer in the US and abroad. Heidi’s new novel, Unorthodox Love, has a fun, trailblazing niche—a romcom starring an Orthodox Jewish woman. We spent a little time in the episode on the unlikely path to the mainstream publication of this book, how Heidi got her agent, and more juicy publishing tidbits.

Find Heidi on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok.

Topics We Covered:

  • Defining an introvert's energy vs. an extrovert's and an ambivert's energy
  • Suggestions for making plans in a way that honors your introvert need to conserve energy if you are one (Heidi and I are both introverts.)
  • The challenge of being an introvert in the Orthodox Jewish community
  • Communicating your needs to friends as an introvert.
  • Not taking it personally when your introvert friend doesn't want to talk on the phone daily or gets overwhelmed after a lot of socializing.
  • The role of social media and online friendships with introversion and extroversion and how we spend our energy.
  • The dangerous combination of being an introvert and a people pleaser.
  • How Heidi got her niche Orthodox romantic comedy published with a mainstream publisher. Also, how she got her agent. It's a great story!
  • The tricky nature of self-promotion for both of us.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

  • Here's my Substack newsletter about friendship & more
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Episode #65 with Dr. Lisa Damour

Dr. Lisa Damour is the New York Times bestselling author of Untangled, Under Pressure, and The Emotional Lives of Teenagers. She's also the co-host of the Ask Lisa Podcast. On Dear Nina, I focus on adult friendships, but sometimes I will touch on teen friendships because teen friend strife is slipping into adult friendships. While it was once expected that teens would experience friendship changes as part of growing up, it now seems making sure teens never feel upset about their social lives is yet another thing for parents to manage. Lisa's work helps adults come to terms with how much distress is to be expected in teens' lives and when there's cause for concern.

Find Dr. Lisa on Instagram and Twitter.

Topics We Covered:

  • Accepting teenage social strife is a normal part of growing up and not something to avoid at all costs.
  • Teens will get left out and leave others out as part of growing up.
  • Friend groups seem overly formal to adults these days, but it's a reality for teens. Lisa said, "If your kid has one or two good buddies, leave it alone. It's perfect. If your kid has a large friendship group, do not assume that anyone is going out of their way to cause trouble. It is the nature of those larger groups."
  • In friend groups of over four kids, it's impossible to expect that every person will like each other equally. Some people will be closer than others.
  • If your teen has a few close friends, they have everything they need for a positive social life. Reassure your kid that we have really good data showing that the least stressed kids have one or two good friends.
  • Understanding that mental health has come to be equated with feeling good or relaxed or happy. These are all wonderful things, but they're not actually what mental health is. Dr. Damour explains that being mentally healthy is about having feelings that fit the circumstance, then managing those feelings well, even if those are negative emotions.
  • Helping parents not be afraid of teenagers' negative emotions, which are evidence of good mental health and an opportunity to learn how to deal with conflict and strife.
  • Learning the difference between uncomfortable and unmanageable. Just because a teen (or an adult) is an uncomfortable situation, that doesn't make it a problem we need to solve immediately. This is an opportunity for growth and competence and confidence.
  • Knowing the difference between kids' discomfort and parents' discomfort. Parents sometime freak out more than their teens about social dynamics.
  • Helping teens make the most of the friendship strife they face by learning how to handle conflict. This will serve them for the rest of their lives.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

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Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls
Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood
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Episode #64 with Jill Smokler (Scary Mommy)

What happens when two longtime, old school bloggers reminisce about the good old days of blogging? You get laughs, reflections, and a deep dive into the intricate dynamics of the blogging community from the early days to today. I'm joined by my dear friend and star blogger, Jill Smokler, founder of Scary Mommy, as we delve into our shared experiences of the blogging world and the friendships we made online "way back when."

We discussed the thrill of the first comment, the pressure to produce daily content, and the intimate connections we made with readers and other bloggers alike. We covered eventually meeting online friends in person, online friendships that drifted apart, the jealousy and competition that sometimes entered the equation, and much more.

Jill and I truly enjoyed reflecting on the significance of our blogging relationships and expressing our gratitude for the true friends we've made along the way. Join us for a heartfelt episode about the journey of blogging, the friendships we forged, and the lessons we learned.

Guest voice mails and emails

Thank you to Andrea Scher, Deborah Gilboa, Ruchi Koval, and Rivki Silver for letting me use your thoughts in the episode. Thank you to many more old-school bloggers who wrote to me! I'm sorry I couldn't use every note in the episode. I loved reading everyone's memories.

Meet Jill Smokler

Jill Smokler is a New York Times bestselling author and entrepreneur who became an authentic voice for millions of imperfect moms through her Webby award winning blog, Scary Mommy. Launched in 2008, Scary Mommy began as a chronicle of Jill’s stay-at-home days with her children and quickly transformed into a vibrant community of women brought together by a common theme — parenting doesn’t have to be perfect.

​Over the next eight years, Jill and her team provided the destination for high quality, humorous, sharable parenting content. In 2015 with millions of followers, three books and the top parenting site in the country, Jill became the first “mommy blogger” to sell her brand to a media company. After three years acting as Chief Content Officer, Jill departed in 2018. Following a much needed break, Jill returns with She’s Got Issues – a brand for Gen X women focusing on the myriad issues uniting them.

​Forbes Magazine named Jill a Top Ten Parenting Influencer and she has been a featured guest on The Today Show, Good Morning America, Nightline, Fox and Friends and countl

Let's connect over all things friendship!

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  • Next Virtual Book Club Meetings

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Episode #63 with Dr. Marisa G. Franco

Conflicts in friendships can feel so daunting, but sometimes we have to tell friends they've let us down rather than distancing ourselves and ignoring calls and texts. (A tactic too many of us use.) Here to help is Dr. Marissa G Franco, author of the instant NYT bestseller, Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make–and Keep–Friends. Dr. Franco will help us learn what to say to friends when there's conflict and how to hear it when friends are upset with us, too. We also delve into attachment theory and its significance in understanding our emotions and behaviors in friendships.

The summer (virtual) gathering of the Dear Nina Book Club is coming on July 24th at 7PM CST. I'd love to see you!

This time we're discussing---Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make--and Keep--Friendsby Marisa G. Franco, Ph.D. Sign up at ninabadzin.com/bookclub/

Meet Dr. Marisa G. Franco

An enlightening psychologist and national speaker, Dr. Marisa G Franco is known for digesting and communicating science in ways that resonate deeply enough with people to change their lives. She works as a professor at The University of Maryland and her forthcoming book Platonic: How The Science of AttachmentCan Help You Make—and Keep—Friendsdebuts with Penguin Random House in September 2022. She writes about friendship for Psychology Today and has been a featured connection expert for major publications like The New York Times, The Telegraph, and Vice. She speaks on belonging at corporations, government agencies, non-profits, and universities across the country, including Harper Collins Publishers, Cisco, American Association for the Advancement of Science, and The Department of State. On her Instagram (DrMarisaGFranco), you can find more friendship tips, and on her website, www.DrMarisaGFranco.com, you can find a free quiz to assess your strengths and weaknesses as a friend.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

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  • Next Virtual Book Club Meetings
Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make--and Keep--Friends

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Episode #62. "Monday is Nan. Tuesday is Maryanne. Wednesday is Leslie. Thursday is Lisa. And Friday is Susan. It was an act of love, an act of friendship. . . "

Many of us enjoy walking with friends. But the power of walking and friendship is extra inspiring in today's episode. Leslie Hooton, author of three novels and a true inspiration, had to learn to walk multiple times throughout her life because of a stroke she had when she was born and numerous surgeries she's endured since. In this heartwarming episode, Leslie shares how friends each took an assigned day in spring 2020 when her beloved gym closed so that Leslie's muscles would get the essential movement necessary to keep her on her feet and healthy. She still has each walking partner three years later.

This conversation is a beautiful testament to the power of human connection and the resilience of the human spirit.

Meet Leslie Hooton

Leslie is the author of three novels. Her most recent book, After Everyone Else, was the winner of an Indie Book Award. Leslie says her best quality is her village of friends. Her second book is dedicated to them. Leslie often remarks that some people have a stroke of luck, she had a stroke at birth. The limited use of her right side and numerous surgeries have allowed Leslie a unique perspective, which she brings to her writing. Leslie uses dictation for her writing and often jokes “I haven’t typed a single word."

You can find more information on Leslie's book on her website and on Instagram.

Let's connect over all things friendship!

  • Here's my Substack newsletter about friendship & more
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Episode #61: Award-winning journalist, best-selling author, and podcast creator, Jo Piazza, joins me to answer the question---Is texting ruining the art of friendship communication? Together we make the case for old-school phone calls and low-key hangs.

We referenced two of Jo's Substack pieces:

  • In Praise of the Low-keyHang
  • I Don't Want to Text Anymore

Meet Jo Piazza

JJo Piazza is a bestselling author, podcast creator, and award-winning journalist. She is the bestselling author of many critically acclaimed novels and nonfiction books including We Are Not Like Them, Charlotte Walsh Likes to Win, The Knockoff, and How to Be Married. A former editor, columnist, and travel writer with Yahoo, Current TV, and the Daily News (New York), her work has also appeared in The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, New York Magazine, Glamour, Elle, Time, Marie Claire, The Daily Beast, and Slate. She holds an undergraduate degree from the University of Pennsylvania in economics and communication, a master’s in journalism from Columbia University, and a master’s in religious studies from New York University. Her latest podcasts are Under the Influence, She Wants More, and Wilder. Her latest co-authored novel with Christine Pride is You Were Always Mine.

Find Jo on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok.

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Episode #60: College friendships!

Daisy Alpert Florin, author of My Last Innocent Year, joins me to discuss the unparalleled intimacy of college friendships. We delve into the impact of choosing the right college environment, as well as how the lack of technology (in the 90s) and the abundance of time led to more meaningful connections. Don't miss this nostalgia-filled episode as Daisy and I analyze how and why college friendships can have lasting influence for the rest of our lives.

Meet Daisy Alpert Florin

Daisy Alpert Florin attended Dartmouth College and received graduate degrees from Columbia University and Bank Street Graduate School of Education. She is a recipient of the 2016 Kathryn Gurfein Writing Fellowship at Sarah Lawrence College and was a 2019–20 fellow in the BookEnds novel revision fellowship, where she worked with founding director Susan Scarf Merrell. A native New Yorker, Daisy lives in Connecticut with her family. Find Daisy on her website, Instagram, and Twitter. And buy My Last Innocent Year!

Topics we covered:

  • College as a time when people you're getting to know yourself anew after high school and are open to new friends
  • Nina's and Daisy's love for novels set on a college campus
  • The special atmosphere in the book (and in real life!) of college in the 90s
  • What a lack of technology and an abundance of time can do for deep connections
  • The pressure of the final semester of college
  • The particular way friends take responsibility for each other in college
  • Making decisions by consensus in college, and then perhaps later as a crutch
  • Adult friendships vs. college friendships
  • Socio-economic differences on campus and how that influences friendships

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Episode #59: How can we help our teens navigate the complexities of friendships without projecting our own experiences, desires, or traumas onto them? What level of parent involvement is appropriate?

In this thought-provoking episode, I spoke to the insightful Stephanie Sprenger to explore the delicate balance of guiding our children through the often messy world of friendships while recognizing when our own feelings and experiences might be hindering their growth and learning. As parents, we often struggle to find the right balance between protecting our kids and allowing them to learn from their own mistakes. We also covered issues like letting kids choose their friends even while knowing this means other kids are feeling left out.

Meet Stephanie Sprenger

Stephanie Sprenger is a writer, producer, podcaster at The Mother Plus Podcast, and music therapist living in Colorado with her husband, two tween and teen daughters, and two rescue dogs. She is a co-founder and co-editor at The HerStories Project, a writing and publishing community for Gen X women at midlife, and co-producer of Listen To Your Mother Boulder.

Learn more about Stephanie's writing and work at Stephanie's website. She's also on Instagram.

Topics We Covered:

  • Identifying when we are projecting our own friendship histories, fears, and anxieties onto our kids
  • When and if to talk to other parents when there are issues between the kids
  • The tricky balance of guiding our children through the often messy world of friendships
  • Allowing teens to learn from their mistakes
  • Forgiving kids who hurt our kids for their mistakes
  • The hard balance of letting kids choose their friends while knowing that means some kids are out there feeling left out
  • When to trust that kids have the skills and tools to work through difficult situations, and when to step in
  • The value of involving mental health professionals, like school counselors and camp staff in helping teens navigate these challenging times
  • The importance of not robbing kids of building the resilience necessary to handle the inevitable ups and downs of friendships
  • I taught Stephanie about the VSCO app

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Episode 58: The value of poker, mahjong, and other games for making friends and getting closer with the friends you already have.

I’m a longtime fan today's guest, author and podcaster, Mark Oppenheimer, who spoke with me about the value of a regular game with friends. In Mark's case, he has a longstanding poker game. I talked about mahjong. There is something about a game with a regular group of players that is different than other ways we get together with friends. I'm excited that Mark, who recently wrote about his poker group, is here to talk about this topic with me.

And Mark’s next major book project is one I cannot wait to read. Judy Blume chose him to write her official biography. The story of how that came to be is in our episode. It’s a sweet friendship story—don’t miss it!

Meet Mark Oppenheimer

Mark Oppenheimer is head of open learning at American Jewish University. He received his Ph.D. in religious studies from Yale, covered religion for The New York Times for six years, has taught at Yale, NYU, Wellesley, and Stanford, and is the author of five books, most recently Squirrel Hill: The Tree of Life Synagogue Shooting and the Soul of a Neighborhood. He created the most downloaded American Jewish podcast ever, Unorthodox, with 7 million listens from 2015-2023, and also wrote and hosted Gatecrashers, a podcast about the history of Jews in the Ivy League. He is now writing the definitive biography of Judy Blume. He lives in Connecticut with his wife, five children, and two dogs.

Topics We Covered:

  • Para-social friendships (I was in one with Mark until this episode. But now we might be friends!)
  • How Mark became Judy Blume’s official biographer
  • Mark’s piece for his Substack, Oppenheimer, titled “Men Playing Poker: A Manifesto”
  • Why men might be attracted to poker
  • The special ritual of getting together for a game with friends
  • The importance of spending time with friends in-person, on a regular basis.
  • The joy of mahjong
  • What happened to bridge?
  • Chess
  • Why my reading list is 90% female writers
  • Why we both read more nonfiction than fiction

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Episode 57: Gretchen Rubin and I spoke about her newest book, Life in Five Senses, and specifically about how awareness of the five senses can improve our friendships.

We covered examples such as listening better for what’s being said and not being said, making plans to see new sights with friends, paying attention to where our eyes are focused (not on our phones and Apple watches), hugging friends (a challenge for me!), taste experiments, leaning into nostalgia through discussing memories of smells and tastes, the perfect sense experience of the mixtape, why my husband Bryan is a classic "upholder," (a reference from The Four Tendencies), and so much more.

Show notes are HERE.

Meet Gretchen Rubin

Gretchen Rubin is one of today’s most influential observers of happiness and human nature. She’s the author of many books, including the blockbuster New York Times bestsellers Outer Order, Inner Calm; The Four Tendencies; Better Than Before; and The Happiness Project. Her books have sold more than 3.5 million copies worldwide, in more than thirty languages. She hosts the top-ranking, award-winning podcast “Happier with Gretchen Rubin,” where she explores practical solutions for living a happier life. Raised in Kansas City, she lives in New York City with her husband and two daughters. You can find everything you need at gretchenrubin.com.

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The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People's Lives Better, Too)
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Episode 56: I’m revisiting the problems and potential of group texts (but mostly the problems) because there are still some group text shenanigans I’d love to see go away. I want us to love our group chats with friends! We CAN improve! In this episode you will get some easy ways to make the group texting experience better.

I’m SO excited for even more listeners to hear Kat Vellos, who helped me navigate the world of group texts and all the friendship issues and potential that come along with them.

Show notes are here.

Meet Kat Vellos:

Kat Vellos is a trusted expert on the power of cultivating meaningful friendships. She’s a speaker and author of the book, We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships. She’s also the creator of the Better than Small Talk conversation cards and the Better Conversations Calendar. In her former career as a UX designer and researcher, she made software more user-friendly at large companies you’ve heard of, but she’s a lot happier now making life more friendly for the thousands of people and work teams who use her guidance to cultivate fulfilling friendships and colleagueships. Kat’s writing is read in over 100 countries and she’s been interviewed by The New York Times, NPR, Communication Arts, The Good Life Project, and many more. When she’s not thinking about friendship, she loves tacos, puns, and puns involving tacos.

If you follow me on Instagram, you've seen me posting about Kat's book and sharing her posts. And everyone should follow Kat at Instagram, where she shares her fantastic illustrations that go along with her work. However, Kat saves her best gems for her fantastic newsletter!

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We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships

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Episode #55: "One afternoon, Emma Nadler gets a call from her daughter's doctor that changes her life forever. Faced with the realities of raising a child with a rare genetic condition, Nadler must confront her preconceptions of motherhood and her perfectionistic beliefs."

Today we’re talking about how to support friends facing an ambiguous loss. My guest, Emma Nadler, is a psychotherapist in Minneapolis and the author of The Unlikely Village of Eden, briefly summarized in the words above. Emma’s incredible memoir is about grief, healing, marriage, friendship, and so much more. Our discussion doesn’t require anyone to have read The Unlikely Village of Eden yet. Though I highly recommend you do! It’s a beautifully written memoir and a thoughtful read with humor too.

Meet Emma Nadler

Emma Nadler is an author, speaker, and psychotherapist. In her private practice, she helps people better understand and tolerate emotions, build deeper relationships, and find meaning in life's challenges. She is passionate about transforming her own experiences as a parent of a child with disabilities into empathy, compassion, humor, and of course, stories. She lives in Minnesota with her family. To learn more, visit EmmaNadler.com. And @EmmaNadlerWrites on Instagram.

“A stunning debut memoir by a gifted writer and psychotherapist. Emma Nadler has written a truly poignant read that shines a light on the humanity in neurodivergence, the heart of parenting, and the soul of psychotherapy.”―Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Think Again and host of the TED podcast Re:Thinking

SHOW NOTES ARE AT NINABADZIN.COM.

PLEASE NOTE: Listening to this podcast in no way creates a client/therapist relationship with Emma Nadler. No legal, counseling, or other professional services are being rendered and nothing is intended to provide such services or advice of any kind. If you are having a mental health emergency, please contact 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. You can also text or call 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

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One of Laura Tremaine's friendship philosophies is to put connection and relationship on your daily to-do list. And one example of a "to-do" we discussed was this: TEXT YOUR FRIENDS BACK! This came up for Laura after a few friends called her out.

After realizing some of her communication mishaps and a few other friendship details were falling between the cracks or hurting friends' feelings, Laura solved the problem by putting her friendship goals and intentions on a daily to-do list. She has her family to-do list, her work to-do list, and her friendship/connection to-do list. This method would work for anyone who is feeling overwhelmed in life and doesn't want to be known as "the friend who doesn't text back." Or "the friend who never checks in."

These to-do items will change depending on your individual friends and requires some noticing for what makes your friends light up.

At the end we got into one of my favorite topics---how all the attention to boundaries is getting out of control. We do have to be there for friends sometimes, even when it's not convenient.

SHOW NOTES ARE AT NINABADZIN.COM.

Meet Author and Podcaster Laura Tremaine

Laura Tremaine grew up in Oklahoma and moved to Los Angeles sight unseen when she was twenty-two years old. She worked in film and television production for many years at MTV, VH1, Fox and Paramount Pictures before pursuing writing full time. Laura has been sharing her life online for over a decade. She writes about friendship, anxiety, motherhood and marriage. Her posts and podcast episodes resonate with women looking for ways to connect more deeply with others as they transform from one era of life into another. Laura lives in Los Angeles with her husband, Jeff, and their two children.

You can follow Laura at www.lauratremaine.com. Instagram Facebook

Laura's podcast: 10 Things To Tell You

Laura's newest book: The Life Council: Amazon | Bookshop

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Evereve's co-founder and co-CEO, Megan Tamte, joins me to discuss making new, very close friends later in life. And by later, we mean any time in adult life. We talked about how to reach out to potential friends, how to hear "no," how to say "no," reaching out to old friends, and real friends vs. deal friends. Megan also gave me some emergency fashion advice at the end.

I recently saw a story on the Today Show about two women who traveled around the world together. They promised they would do this for their 80th birthdays. While I was interested in the framing of this story as two best friends making this commitment and keeping it, it was the line that said they'd been friends for 20 years that really got me excited. They met when they were 60!

It is never too late to make new, close friends, but we need to be in the right frame of mind and right time of life to let those friendships soar. Megan and I discussed this new frame of mind and time of life. And Megan also stepped in with some much-needed fashion advice for me!

Meet Megan Tamte

Megan Tamte is a visionary entrepreneur. Twenty-some years ago, a dressing room disaster inspired her to reimagine the women’s shopping experience, and today, she’s the co-founder, co-CEO , and Chief Brand Officer of EVEREVE, a contemporary fashion retailer with over one million customers, 100+ stores in 30+ states, a booming e-commerce business and a fast-growing subscription box service, Trendsend.

When she’s not leading EVEREVE with her co-CEO and husband, Mike, Megan is sharing her retail knowledge and expertise with aspiring entrepreneurs, and proudly serving four other organizations, as Board member of the Chicago-based Common Ground Foundation, a board member of Warners' Stellian & Jaxen Grey fellow Minnesota-based retailesr, and the Global Leadership Network. Megan recently joined a team that welcomes refugees to Minnesota through the organization, Arrive Ministries.

Find Evereve on their site and Instagram! And Megan has a great Instagram account of her own.

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Today on Dear Nina I have a guest with a personal and inspiring story to share about starting a new life with new friends and a new outlook after a horrific tragedy. This is unlike any I've heard firsthand, and I'm grateful for Jen's candor and honesty.

Jen Zwinck wrote to me:After my husband was killed, I moved with my daughter to a small island in the Caribbean where I didn't know a single person. I went there to heal. What surprised me was the friendships that I formed while I was there, these women who came into my life, divinely, I believe, became my angels and my 'stand-in' family. We shared the bond of being expats and I'm still close with them to this day.

Jen Zwinck is a co-founder of the Widow Squad online community, a widow advocate, and an author. She has interviewed over 100 widows and coached hundreds of widows through her courses and online programs. She lives outside of New Orleans.

Find Jen on Instagram @widow_180

Check out the next book in the Dear Nina book club!

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First thing to know, not all friendships with issues are "toxic." I'm not sure there's a more overused word on the internet. That said, it's something we need to discuss on a friendship podcast. Recognizing a toxic friendship and what to do about it sounds like a serious thing to discuss. And it is! But my two guests are so fun and delightful that you could almost forget how unhappy these kinds of friendships can make people. Get ready for a lot of Midwestern accents on this episode, starting with mine. Then add Michelle Anderson and Lauren Mozzarella from the Cozy Conversations with the Sister Project, and you have a spirited, helpful, personal episode of Dear Nina.

About Cozy Conversations with The Sister Project Podcast:

Hosted by the founders of The Sister Project blog, Midwest sisters and wellness lifestyle enthusiasts, Michelle Anderson and Lauren Massarella, deliver a conversational style podcast that makes the listener feel as though they are part of an intimate sisterhood inner circle. You will learn a little and laugh a lot. The podcast airs on a weekly basis and covers everyday life experiences, pop culture, and current events. Find Cozy Conversations with The Sister Project anywhere you get your podcasts. And find them on Instagram too!

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For episode 50, I'm thrilled to welcome my mom back to Dear Nina. My mom, Kathy Sackheim, has been an instrumental part of the Dear Nina friendship universe. I quote her often in the column and the podcast. In this 20-minute episode she answered some questions that came in from the Dear Nina Facebook group. We covered the ways she's seen attitudes about friendship change through the decades, whether parents and kids can be friends, whether parents should get involved in teens' friendship issues, handling other parents' opinions of us, letting go of trying to control your older kids as they leave for college (and earlier and later!), and lots more.

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It's better to say something than nothing. Make the hard phone call. Donate to the cause. Let friends help you. Ask questions. Look past what you think you know about people. Assume the best. These are all keys to long-term friendship I discussed with Will Schwalbe, author of We Should Not Be Friends: The Story of a Friendship.

The first part of the episode is a natural continuation of last week's episode about the benefit of having friends with different points of view and backgrounds. I inadvertently made a series! And in the second half, Will and I talked about the real work of maintaining a decades long, sometimes challenging friendship and why we should bother.

Will and I discussed the quote he chose for the book's epigraph by British poet, David Whyte: "All friendships of any length are based on a continued mutual forgiveness. Without tolerance and mercy, all friendships die."

We Should Not Be Friendswill challenge your assumptions about friendship. Two of Will's previous books include Books for Living and The End of Your Life Book Club, which I know many people out there have loved. Will has worked in book publishing (currently as an editor at Macmillan); in digital media; and as a journalist, writing for various publications, including The New York Times and the South China Morning Post. He lives in New York.

Show notes are HERE.

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Books for Living
The End of Your Life Book Club

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There is value to having friends with different points of view and backgrounds. I love witnessing a friendship between people who have differences that should make it unlikely to become friends, but instead their ability to discuss their experiences leads to greater understanding and closeness. Challenge and disagreement can be an enriching aspect of a friendship rather than something to avoid at all costs. It's not about convincing the next person; it's about diversity of experience and opinion in your life.

My guests are the hosts of the Ask a Jew podcast and writers of a Substack newsletter by the same name.

Their bio for Ask a Jew is this: Yael Bar Tur, secular sinner, and Chaya Leah Sufrin, pious Haredi, ask each other the hard questions from Torah to Tinder. What a description!

I loved our conversation! We represented three very different Jewish backgrounds, discussed being active in the process of making friends and issuing invitations, thinking of others instead of over-protecting our boundaries at all times, showing up as your full self in a friendship, and disagreeing with friends without condescension or ruining the friendship. It was a great chat!

Show notes are HERE.

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In an episode with Jill Smokler, formally THE Scary Mommy of the famous Scary Mommy, and currently the host of the podcast, She's Got Issues, you’re going to hear about the most common mistakes people make in friendships, and the hard learned lessons. You will also hear an all around honest chat between old college friends and some regrets from that time. Jill and I went to WashU together! She's been kind of enough to now have me on her show for a second time.

We covered lots of friendship issues in just under 40 minutes. It amazes me that we managed that because every issue we discussed could be its own episode on Dear Nina, but we managed to get to the heart of important topics efficiently, and we were very real.

Find SHE'S GOT ISSUES: "Friendship-- Mistakes & Hard Learned Lessons" anywhere you listen to podcasts!

But to help you: here it is on Apple & Spotify

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I have author, Christie Tate, back on the show! I have been so eager for this conversation. We are talking about Christie's newest memoir, B.F.F.: A Memoir of Friendship Lost and Found. We're focusing on friendship triangles, envy, jealousy, competition, and ghosting--all issues that come up in the book.

You might know Christie as the author of the fantastic memoir Group: How One Therapist and a Circle of Strangers Saved My Life. It was a New York Times bestseller and a Reese Witherspoon book club pick. You might know her from a previous episode of this podcast (ep #4) where we talked about revealing too much too soon with new friends. I can't wait for you to hear our newest chat.

Show notes are HERE.

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Group: How One Therapist and a Circle of Strangers Saved My Life
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This week's episode with guest, Shari Leid, focuses on wisdom she’s gained after meeting with 144 of her friends. Our episode makes the case for the casual friendship. We also talked about expanding your friendship network by putting yourself out there to connect with new and old friends, giving friends grace, having intentional conversations to deepen friendships, and considering whether your "bar for entry” to friendship is too high.

Show notes are HERE.

Meet Guest, Shari Leid

Former litigator, Shari Leid, currently operates An Imperfectly Perfect Life, LLC, a professional mindset coaching business primarily serving clients who feel stuck and helping them to create the life of their dreams. She is a national speaker and author of The Friendship Series, including The 50/50 Friendship Flow: Life Lessons From and For My Girlfriends, Make Your Mess Your Message: More Life Lessons From and For My Girlfriends and Ask Yourself This: Ultimate Life Lessons From and For My Girlfriends (September 2022). Throughout 2023, she is traveling to all 50 states where she’ll share a meal with 50 different women (one woman per state). Her goal is to connect and converse with these women (most of whom she's never met in person before), searching for their commonalities. The 50 States Project kicked off in Albuquerque, New Mexico in January and will end in Oklahoma, Kansas, and Nebraska at the end of September. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, and LinkedIn.

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The 50/50 Friendship Flow: Life Lessons From And For My Girlfriends (The Friendship Series)
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Do your adult friendships mirror what you saw growing up in your household, or did you set out to do the exact opposite in your adult social life? I spoke to author, Linda Pressman, about her experiences growing up as the child of Holocaust survivors, her parents' friends, and her own adult take on friendship.

The show notes are here.

Meet Linda Pressman

Linda Pressman is the author of the recently published memoir, Jewish Girls Gone Wild. Her previous memoir, Looking Up: A Memoir of Sisters, Survivors and Skokie won the Grand Prize in the Writer’s Digest 20th Annual Contest and is part of the permanent collections of Yad Vashem in Jerusalem, the U.S. Holocaust Museum in Washington, D.C., and the National Library of Israel. Her freelance writing has appeared in Newsweek, the Times of Israel, on Kveller, and other venues. She is a book coach and teaches memoir on an individual basis and through Scottsdale Arts.

Linda can be reached through her website: http://lindajpressman.com.

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Today's topic about diet culture and friendship inspired more emails from my Facebook group--Dear Nina: The Group--than any other topic since I started the podcast. What do I mean by diet culture and friendship? I'm referring to how the culture of dieting and the worship of thinness affects friendships, can become competitive, and is spread among friends. We also discussed friends being overly invested in and overly influenced by each other's decisions about food.

Pam Moore, intuitive eating coach, helped me get to the bottom of this one.

Pam is an occupational therapist-turned-intuitive eating coach and health and fitness journalist. As an intuitive eating coach, her mission is to help women detach their self-worth from their weight and to move their bodies because it feels good — not as a punishment. The author of There's No Room for Fear in a Burley Trailer, Pam's writing has also been published in The Washington Post, Runner's World, SELF, The Guardian, Time, Outside, AARP, and Forbes, among others.

Despite, or more likely because of being picked last for every team as a kid, Pam is also a certified personal trainer, six-time marathoner, and two-time Ironman finisher. Her podcast, Real Fit, features conversations with women athletes about body image, enoughness, and more.

You can learn more at: pam-moore.com, LinkedIn, TikTok, Instagram, and Twitter

See the show notes are HERE.

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Do you overspend to keep up with friends? It's tricky to navigate conversations about money with friends. What issues have come up for you about money and friendship? Does splitting things get tense? Planning trips? Participating in expectations around weddings, showers, going in with friends for gifts? Money can be a big issue between friends. Some of the solutions discussed in the episode can apply to any topic that's normally private and therefore tough to handle in friendship.

The show notes are here.

Mia Brabham, staff writer at Shondaland.com, and I discussed some ways to make dealing with money and talking about finances less awkward.

Meet Mia

Mia Brabham is currently a staff writer at Shondaland.com. She pens the series "Joy Makers" and "The Art of Friendship." Her debut book, Note to Self, which is a short collection of life lessons, is in the hands of readers all over the world.

You can find Mia on: Instagram, Twitter, and bymiabrabham.com.

The two pieces of Mia's in Shondaland.com we specifically discussed in depth:

"How Much Are Your Friendships Costing You"

"The Art of Friendship: How to Open Up About Money"

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Taking time to identify the friendships that are going well in your life and WHY is a worthwhile activity. It's my January challenge for listeners, readers, and for the Dear Nina Facebook group.  This is one of my more personal episodes. Thanks for being here!

The show notes are here. 

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I spoke to narrative coach, Lisa Harris, about the sometimes-fuzzy lines between "work friends" and "real friends" and also the line people cross between friend and customer. In other words--treating your friends like your customers. Not a good idea!

The show notes are here.

Meet Lisa Harris:Lisa Harris the CEO/founder of Lisa Harris & Company. Lisa’s entrepreneurial journey began in 2016 after publishing her book, Unveiled Beauty: Handwritten Stories From a Poetic Heart. She spent 18 years in executive leadership roles working for and with many Fortune 500 companies and nationally recognized brands. Today Lisa successfully guides women on their personal growth and empowerment journeys through the lens of their own life stories. Lisa is in her 6th year producing Unveiled Beauty events, narrative coaching and speaking. She is also the co-host of the Life In Our Skin podcast.

Show notes are here.

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I think this is the first time I've publicly discussed the bizarre memory of waiting up long into the night to see if I made the Pom Pom squad at Highland Park High School.

Thank you to Rachel Levy Lesser and Stephanie Goldstein for inviting me on Life's Accessories, The Podcast to talk about the BIG mistake I made quitting the tennis team in high school, how a little bit of good old-fashioned friendship jealousy got me back into tennis, and why I love tennis people so much.

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After discussing the topic of great gift ideas for friends in my Facebook group--Dear Nina: The Group--I heard such thoughtful examples that I wanted to share those ideas with listeners. There are some really creative gifts in this quick 10-minute episode.

I also briefly discussed Anna Goldfarb's recent Atlantic article, "Gift-Giving is About the Buyer, Not the Receiver." Anna was a guest on episode 35 of Dear Nina.

The show notes are here.

If you like what you're hearing, please tell a friend!
Also, if you can rate and/or leave a review on Apple Podcasts, I'd be so grateful.

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Welcome to another episode of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship. I’m your host, Nina Badzin. In episode 39, I spoke to Pam Lamp who has a fun and helpful story about making new friends at 57-years-old when she moved to Nashville with her husband and had to rebuild her social life.

Pam's story spoke to me because I often hear from listeners and readers who struggle to make new friends as an adult. I don't think people realize how much work and humility it takes. You truly have to take the initiative and not worry about being the one to reach out several times in a row. Even many times in a row!

Find the show notes here.

Meet Pam Lamp:

For more than six years, Pam Lamp has explored one new thing—every single day. At Who I Met Today she writes about these discoveries and the inspiring people she’s met along the way.

Find Pam on Facebook and Instagram.

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Welcome to another episode of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship. I’m your host, Nina Badzin. In episode 38, I spoke to author Diana Spechler about a piece she wrote in her Substack called “How to Make Friends.” It was a refreshing take on making friends when moving to a new city and on friendship "deal breakers."

What are your friendship preferences and limitations? Does repeated cancelling get to you? Is a friend who wants to talk several times a week asking for too much? Each of us has different "deal breakers." Outside of a significant breach of trust, there is no right and wrong here--just personal preferences.

MEET DIANA SPECHLER

Diana Spechler is the author of the novels Who by Fire and Skinny and of the New York Times Opinion series “Going Off.” She has written for The Guardian, GQ, Washington Post, Esquire, McSweeney's Quarterly Tendency, Electric Literature, Harper's Travel and Leisure, and many other publications.

Diana is and eight-time Moth Story Slam winner and has been featured on the Moth Radio Hour, The Moth Podcast, and NPR. She teaches writing at the MFA program at Cedar Crest College. And check out her newsletter, Dispatches From the Road, on Substack about the travel writing life. And it's also where you'll find her essay, "How to Make Friends.”

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There are lots of benefits to having couple friends. My husband joined me as we reflected on why we have made such a big effort to maintain couple friendships throughout our 20+ year marriage and what we think it adds to our lives.

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Welcome to another episode of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship. I’m your host, Nina Badzin. In episode 36, my mom, Kathy Sackheim, joined me to discuss widowhood and friendship, as well as friendships while my dad was in the later years of Parkinson's Disease. I'm so grateful for my mom's honesty and advice. 

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Today’s topic is Managing a Lopsided Friendship— that feeling you’re putting more into the friendship than your friend is, and, maybe even being okay with it depending on the situation.
The episode came about after reading an article in vox.com called "How to Handle a Lopsided Friendship" by Anna Goldfarb. And guess who is here to discuss the topic with me? It’s Anna herself!

Anna Goldfarb writes about friendships, relationships, and pop psychology. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Vice, TIME, The Cut and more. She's the author of the humor memoir "Clearly, I Didn't Think This Through" as well as an upcoming book about modern friendship. She lives in Philadelphia.

Follow Anna on twitter @AnnaGoldfarb and on Instagram.

You can find the show notes HERE.

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Find more conversations about friendship at dearnina.substack.com. And if you like what you're hearing, please tell a friend!

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It is possible to reconnect with an ex-friend and forget the issues that caused the breakup? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. But forgiveness is a necessary ingredient if you're even going to try. In this replay episode, I have a candid conversation with one of my best friends, Rebecca Kotok, who for about three years in our 20s, was my ex-best friend. We discuss why we stopped talking, and how and why we rekindled our friendship.

Plus, Rebecca and I discuss two voicemails from listeners with their own forgiveness stories, one that worked well and one that didn't last.

You can find the show notes HERE.

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When the desire for friendship is not equal, things can get very tricky. My guest, the wise Ruchi Koval, is here to help. We talked about the reality of hurt feelings and disappointments in real friendships, and the question of whether every friendship needs to "fill your cup."
It was a challenging letter from a listener and a challenging conversation overall.

Meet Ruchi Koval

Ruchi is the co-founder and Associate Director of Congregation JFX, an innovative community in Cleveland, Ohio. She has been a Jewish educator for two decades, leading self-development groups for adults and teens, and mentoring educators around the world. She’s is a certified parenting coach, motivational speaker, musician, author of two books, and a mother. And she is a Trip Leader for Momentum, inspiring hundreds of women on their journeys in Israel. I recently finished her second book, called Soul Construction: Shape Your Character Using 8 Steps From the Timeless Jewish Practice of Mussar.

Find Ruchi on Instagram and on her website.

"Feelings will be hurt and you can't always prevent that. That's not real life. We want to be as kind as we can. We want to be as truthful as we need to be. We want to pursue peace as much as we can. But the bottom line is, there are relationships in which nobody ever gets hurt. Those people are called acquaintances." ~ Ruchi Koval

You can find the show notes HERE.

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Soul Construction: Shape Your Character Using 8 Steps from the Timeless Jewish Practice of Mussar

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Welcome to another episode of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship. I’m your host, Nina Badzin. In this episode Dr. Marisa G. Franco, author of Platonic, and I talk about how expressing anger can strengthen a friendship. Dr. Franco also gives tips for how conflict between friends can have a win-win outcome. We talk about attachment theory in friendship and more.

"When someone brings up an issue with us, remember it as an act of love. They are giving us an opportunity to reconcile and to heal things. They're giving us enlightenment as to how we can do better as a friend. And that's gold. How rare do we get that in our interactions? And if we can remember, in a larger way, this is really going to help me grow as a person, even if it hurts in the moment, I think that can be helpful with making us less defensive."
~ Dr. Marisa G. Franco

MEET DR. MARISA G. FRANCO

An enlightening psychologist and national speaker, Dr. Marisa G Franco is known for digesting and communicating science in ways that resonate deeply enough with people to change their lives. She works as a professor at The University of Maryland and her forthcoming book Platonic: How The Science of AttachmentCan Help You Make—and Keep—Friends debuts with Penguin Random House in September 2022. She writes about friendship for Psychology Today and has been a featured connection expert for major publications like The New York Times, The Telegraph, and Vice. She speaks on belonging at corporations, government agencies, non-profits, and universities across the country, including Harper Collins Publishers, Cisco, American Association for the Advancement of Science, and The Department of State. On her Instagram (DrMarisaGFranco), you can find more friendship tips, and on her website, www.DrMarisaGFranco.com, you can find a free quiz to assess your strengths and weaknesses as a friend.

You can find the show notes HERE.

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Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make--and Keep--Friends

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Welcome to another episode of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship. I’m your host, Nina Badzin. I’m a writer and a friendship enthusiast.

Today we’re talking about being friends with people who are different from you. There have been a ton of articles on the topic lately because of a new study about cross-class friendships— just one kind of difference possible in a friendship

I of course could not tackle this topic alone, so I invited the fabulous friendship pair and podcast duo from HerNext Chapter, Stephanie Pierce and Julie Burton.

I’ve seen tons of research over the years on the benefits for society as a whole when everyone isn’t exactly like their friends. This is also common sense! We talked about Stephanie and Julie meeting through a friend who brought them together because of their shared business goals. Their friendship developed over time. And I loved their points throughout the episode that the purpose of their friendship was not to learn about each other or become a "project" or "education" for each other. Yes, they eventually spoke about differences in their lives and found their lives richer for it, but it was the commonalities that brought them together.

Stephanie is a mom, wife, connector, and coach. After a 24-year career in engineering and HR, Stephanie re-invented her work life to bring her passion for building communities with her HR expertise. This led to the creation of 2 businesses: Stephpierce.com and KJP Consulting.

Julie is a mom, wife, writer, and founder of ModernWell, the first women-centered co-working and wellness space in Minneapolis. She's the author of The Self-Care Solution: A Modern Mother’s Guide to Health and Well-Being.

Find Stephanie and Julie's podcast, Her Next Chapter, anywhere you listen to podcasts!

You can find the show notes HERE.

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Episode 30 of Dear Nina is about loneliness and worry despite having close friends. And I’m so excited to introduce this week’s guest— author, Mary Laura Philpott. I’m a huge fan of Mary Laura’s work!

Mary Laura Philpott, is the nationally bestselling author of I Miss You When I Blink and of Bomb Shelter: Love, Time, and Other Explosives. She writes about the overlap of the absurd and the profound in everyday life. Her writing has been featured by The New York Times, The Washington Post, and The Atlantic, among many other publications. A former bookseller, she also hosted an interview program on Nashville Public Television for several years. Mary Laura lives in Nashville, Tennessee, with her family.

Find Mary Laura on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook.

"You can have great friendships and still be lonely because loneliness is a facet of the human experience, especially in times of life when you're going through something that the people around you are not going through. But I think that's why we have to be so intentional about putting ourselves with other people and talking and asking how are things going. And then listening. We have to make ourselves do that, even when it's hard. We can't just default to, well, we just won't talk about it. It's too much." ~ Mary Laura Philpott on episode 30

You can find the show notes HERE.

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Welcome to another episode of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship. I’m your host, Nina Badzin. In episode 29, Chaz Sandifer and I talked about the reality of outgrowing friendships, friends who disappear in the good times but show up in bad times, and so much more.

"Over the course of 10 years, as I've grown as an entrepreneur, I realized there are people in your life who are there for a season, some people who are in our lives forever, and some who are there to teach a lesson and just for you to take the next step." ~ Chaz

"'Must be nice' is not a compliment. 'Must be nice' is always full of jealousy or envy, which is very dangerous in a friendship and in your journey." ~ Chaz

Meet Chaz Sandifer:

Chaz is the founder and owner of theNEWmpls, a holistic health and wellness company specializing in fitness, wellness, and nutrition. They offer private fitness classes around the Twin Cities and a variety of special programs with various partners. Shay is the sole source for diabetes prevention in Ramsey County. She also owns Lakeview Terrace Farmers Market, the only Black woman owned farmer’s market in Minnesota.

See more about Chaz in the show notes!

Find Chaz on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn.

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The one and only Zibby Owens joins me at Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship to talk about her memoir, Bookends, and her experiences grieving the death of three close friends.

In her new book, Bookends: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Literature, Zibby tells several story threads at the same time, all organized around the books Zibby was reading when events occurred. It starts as a personal family history of Zibby's grandparents rising in America, her own childhood, education, and career story. It's a motherhood story and a romance, too. But very central to this memoir is the tragedy of losing close friends too soon. Bookends in many ways reads like a love letter to three friends of Zibby's: Stacey, Avery, and Paige.

I've had episodes about helping friends who are sick and episodes about friendship breakups or when friends drift away, but I've never discussed the reality of grieving a friend.

Meet Zibby Owens:

Zibby is an author, a podcaster, a publisher, a CEO, and this next part we have in common— she’s a mother of four. She's the founder of Zibby Owens Media, a privately-held media company designed to help busy people live their best lives by connecting to books and each other. The three divisions include Zibby Books, a publishing house for fiction and memoir, Zcast, a podcast network powered by Acast including Zibby’s award-winning podcast Moms Don’t Have Time to Read Books, and Moms Don’t Have Time To, a new content and community site including Zibby’s Virtual Book Club, events, and the former Moms Don’t Have Time to Write. She is a regular columnist for Good Morning America and a frequent guest on morning news shows recommending books.

Editor of two anthologies (Moms Don’t Have Time to Have Kids and Moms Don’t Have Time To: A Quarantine Anthology), a children’s book Princess Charming, and now a memoir Bookends: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Literature, Zibby loves to write. She regularly pens personal essays, starting with her first one in Seventeen magazine in 1992. Zibby lives in New York with her husband, Kyle Owens of Morning Moon Productions, and her four children.

For more information, visit zibbyowens.com and follow her on Instagram @zibbyowens.
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Bookends: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Literature
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In episode 27 of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, my best friend, Taryn Kessel, and I once again tackle four questions in under 30 minutes. This time the topics circle around (mild) covid issues in friendships, the role of a best friend in adulthood, what happens when a teen's group is drifting away, and a person whose friends keep walking away from the friendship.

Join us in the Dear Nina Facebook group, Taryn is there too!

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In episode 27 of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, my best friend, Taryn Kessel, and I once again tackle four questions in under 30 minutes. This time the topics circle around covid issues in friendships, the role of a best friend in adulthood, what happens when a teen's group is drifting away, and a person whose friends keep leaving.

Join us in the Dear Nina Facebook group, Taryn is there too!

You can find the show notes HERE.

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In episode 26 of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, we're discussing emails from listeners and readers in their 50s and beyond who feel stuck in a rut with their friendships. These are questions from people who feel they want to make new friends, but worry it’s too late, too hard, too intimidating, and they just don’t know where to start.

I believe it's never too late to make new friends, which is why I invited Carolyn Cochrane, Kristin Nilsen, and Michelle Newman of the Pop Culture Preservation Society Podcast to tell us how they become good friends in the last handful of years, what these new friendships have meant to them in a new stage of life, and what advice they have for others who want to bring new people into their orbits.

The Pop Culture Preservation Society is a podcast dedicated to preserving the pop-culture nuggets of our GenX childhoods. Carolyn, Kristin, and Michelle do deep dives into topics such as Barry Manilow, Tiger Beat, The Blue Lagoon, Love Boat, Solid Gold, Saturday Night Fever, and more. But this passion project began with new friendships.

Find the Pop Culture Preservation Society Podcast anywhere you listen to podcasts! They're on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter too! AND, they have a new, super fun Facebook group called Growing Up Gen-X.

You can find the show notes HERE.

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Love them or hate them, you're probably in a group chat once in a while or even very regularly. In episode 25--with Kat Vellos!--we're navigating the world of group texts and all the friendship issues and potential that come along with them.

Kat and I discuss the ideal uses for group chats, the less than ideal uses, and all the potential etiquette opportunities that could make our group chats more effective and enjoyable. I say opportunities because sometimes etiquette has a bad rap, but when done well, it can make communication better.

Kat Vellos is the author of We Should Get Together:The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships.She's a sought after speaker and facilitator who helps people experience authentic connections and develop healthier friendships.

If you follow me on Instagram, you've seen me posting about Kat's book and sharing her posts. And everyone should follow Kat at Instagram, where she shares fantastic illustrations that go along with her work that she has created herself. However, she saves her best gems for her fantastic newsletter!

You can find the show notes HERE.

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We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships

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Did you love the movie Steel Magnolias in the 80s/early 90s? I did, but rewatching it recently brought up some thoughts I never would have had as a kid when I watched it MANY times.

Instead of a regular Dear Nina episode this week, I’m directing you to a deep dive discussion I had with Lori at the The Untitled Gen-X Podcast. We left no stone of Steel Magnolias unturned, including the friendships it portrayed, like why did Julia Roberts' character have NO friends?!  

The Untitled Gen-X Podcast is an all around really fun podcast. Each episode is dedicated to a different movie TV show music or some aspect of the genX experience.

You can find the Untitled Gen-X Podcast anywhere you get your podcasts.

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How to gracefully maintain boundaries and stop giving away too much information without damaging your friendships.

Episode 24, with my husband, Bryan, is a direct follow-up to the discussion I had in episode 23 when my guest and I spoke about kids' issues becoming too private to share with friends. I asked Bryan to share his advice for keeping information private because he's really good at connecting with people without feeling he has to overshare-- something I'm constantly working on improving.

Many people agreed with me after listening to episode 23 that it's important to keep some information private, especially information about others. But how can we get out of these types of probing conversations without hurting anyone's feelings or making it seem like we don't trust them?

There are lots of ideas in the episode!

You can find the show notes HERE.

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In episode 23 of Dear Nina, I answer an anonymous listener's question about how to still feel close to friends when you can no longer discuss issues that once might have bonded you like certain parenting conundrums. There comes a point when our kids' problems are really their stories to share and we have to honor their privacy.

Here to help me is Twin Cities author, Rebecca Prenevost, a mom of two daughters who enjoys reading, writing, and listening to all things related to parenting tweens and teens. Rebecca is the author of the Mom Walks series, a women’s fiction series that follows a mom and her two best friends as they navigate the trenches of parenting tweens. You can find her on Instagram, which is where we met!

You can find the show notes HERE.

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Fast forward a friendship by hosting friends for a meal! In episode 22 of Dear Nina, I'm taking on two topics, with one topic logically leading to the other.

  1. How to go from being casual acquaintances to actually considering someone a friend
  2. How to make it easier to have people over for a meal

I have the only sensible guest to handle this challenge, and that is my good friend, Debra Arbit. In addition to being a consultant for women business owners, and raising three young kids, Debra has hosted TONS of friends and acquaintances at her house for meals over the past handful of years (pre-Covid).

And then at some point when it became clear she couldn’t have people over like she used to, Debra took her love for cooking onto her instagram account, @fortheloveofcookbooks, where she brought her longtime passion for cooking her way through entire cookbooks and does much of it live on her stories.

Before Debra and I discussed 10 tips for hosting, we told our friendship story, which is a great example of taking a casual friendship to the next level. Then we gave 10 solid tips for making it easier to host friends for meals, something each of us have a lot of experience doing at this point in our lives. We hope our ideas help.

You can find the show notes HERE.

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I loved my conversation with Pennsylvania-based author Rachel Levy Lesser, and I REALLY enjoyed Rachel's memoir, Life’s Accessories. In the episode, we discussed Rachel losing her mother so soon after Rachel had her first child. We talked about how close Rachel was with her mom and the ways friends stepped up for her when her mom was sick with cancer and when her mom passed away. We also covered the ways friends showed up for me when my dad died in December, at a much different stage of my life. It was a really touching conversation, and I’ve enjoyed getting to know Rachel even more since we recorded. Real life friend-making in action!

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I'm fascinated by what makes people click. Within minutes we often know whether we want to pursue a friendship with someone, or not. Is that fair? Maybe not, but it's reality. Time and experience together can overcome a so-so initial chemistry, but I want to talk about those magical friendship moments. Those "friends at first sight" feelings. Have you had them? I’d love to hear about them in the Facebook group if you’re willing to share. Today's post quotes Click: The Forces Behind How We Engage with People, Work, and Everything We Do by Ori and Ram Brafman to explain why some people hit it off and some don't.

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Click: The Forces Behind How We Fully Engage with People, Work, and Everything We Do

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Welcome to episode #19 of Dear Nina: Conversations about Friendship. This is a very special episode because it combines two of my favorite topics—friendship and books--specifically, novels and memoirs about friendship for adults. Thank you to my guest, Rebekah Jacobs, who came up with all the book categories and was the perfect well-read guest to join me in this discussion. It was like the best giant book club meeting ever.

You can find the show notes here.

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Taryn and I answered four listeners' questions about friendship in about 30 minutes. We focused on: scaling back, reaching out, overlooking flaws, and accepting boundaries.  We jammed a lot in!

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I spoke to Jen Gilhoi about sobriety, from addiction to all levels of sober living and how friendships transition and sometimes completely phase out in early sobriety.

You can find the show notes here.

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This whole idea of "the in crowd" or "the popular crowd" comes up in questions I’ve received for many years.

As a generality, I’m calling the issue in crowd vs out crowd, but let me clear, nobody uses that exactly language when they write to me. What I get instead are letters explaining how frustrated people are when they aren’t being welcomed into a certain group, or when their kids aren’t included to hang out with a certain group.

Or perhaps a kid has encountered a "mean girls" situation where they were friends with a certain group and are now being excluded. In these various questions I get, so much rides on a particular group of people. As if being being part of that one special group will be the key to all the friendship problems without recognizing that being included in such a group can create new problems, like not trusting that these are your real friends.

I find this worry comes especially from parents upset that their kids aren’t part of “that one group.”

You can find the show notes HERE.

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We’re rewinding to an essential step of friend making: the art of successful small talk and some other "basic" skills. I put basic in quotes, because this stuff is hard! I invited Ali Wenzke, author of The Art of Happy Moving, to give us lots of tips.

You can find the show notes HERE.

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Episode #14 is a follow up and a twist to episode 13 on making friends in a new city or new stage of life. Like all friendship discussions, there are some similar themes of being the one willing to make the effort and going out of your comfort zone, but I went to some next steps in episode 14.

The most essential point in this episode is about creating opportunities to see the same people on a regular basis. It takes a lot of repeated time together to get more familiar and really feel CLOSE. I think it’s why pickle ball and paddle ball leagues are getting so popular as one example.

I also discuss how keeping expectations in check might also be the key to feeling happier with the friendships we already have.

My guest for this episode was Jessica Smock, one of the co-creators of The HerStories Project website along with Stephanie Sprenger. Jessica and Stephanie first hired me in 2014 to become their friendship advice columnist!

You can find the show notes HERE.

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Making new friends as an adult is difficult whether it’s because you moved to a new city, you’re in a new stage of life, or you’re lonely and could use more friends. It takes tons of time to make casual friends you want to see repeatedly and even more time to make close friends. But it’s not impossible. Difficult? Yes. Takes consistent effort and work? Also yes. But it can be done.

What helped me make friends in Minneapolis when I moved 20+ years ago in my 20s was accepting that I would often have to be the one to make the effort, and I'd have to do things out of my comfort zone. My guest, Michelle Platt, found she needed the same attitude when she moved to Minneapolis a few years ago in her 40s. This episode isn't only about Minneapolis! Moving anywhere at any age presents challenges.

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Today’s episode is about how to help a friend who’s in crisis because of illness or grief. It’s also about how to ask for help rather than waiting for friends to know exactly what to do.

My guest, Alissa Butterfass, is a mother of two, works in non-profit consulting, and also runs Alissa’s Book Lists, a Facebook page for book recommendations. She’s an active member of her children’s school community where she has experience giving support to people in challenging times, and also being on the receiving side of that support when she was diagnosed with cancer in 2014 and again when her husband Andy died unexpectedly in December 2019.

A few months ago, Alissa reached out on email to discuss a trend she saw on some of the Facebook pages and forums for widows. She wrote:

One thing I see over and over in these groups is people complaining that friends who said they'd be there for them have disappeared or dropped off or stopped supporting them. Now, maybe I am just lucky, but I honestly don't feel that way. I feel like I have lots of friends who would be there for me -- all I have to do is ask. I certainly don't expect my friends to read my mind or guess what I need from them. And each time I see one of these complaints, I WANT to reply, "Have you asked for help? Do they know what you need? Are you expecting too much?"

So that started a conversation between the two of us about the nature of friendships when one of the friends is experiencing a crisis. I had not started DEAR NINA yet, but I knew I would, and I knew Alissa could help so many listeners.

You can find the show notes HERE.

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Episode #11 came about organically. When my producer, Dave Dluger, and I were talking after recording an episode, we got into a conversation about how male friendships seem to involve less drama and I realized we ought to record it as an episode. I loved getting a male perspective on some of the previous episodes.

In addition to male friendships, we talked about friends being there for Dave and my sister during hard times, being aware of our personality foibles while with good friends, thoughts on friends ignoring our social media posts, and much more.

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Last week in episode #10 with author Jessica Speer who wrote BFF or NRF, we talked briefly about her nine friendship truths. We mainly focused on truth #9— which was “You choose which of your friendships to grow. Grow the healthy ones.” In this mini-episode I am focusing on Jessica's truth #6— "Everyone makes mistakes." If we want wiggle room to make mistakes with friends, we have to allow friends to make mistakes with us. Sounds obvious, but there are definitely people out there with a zero tolerance for others' mistakes (while allowing themselves room to mess up).

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BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends): A Girl's Guide to Happy Friendships

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In episode #10 we’re discussing what to do when you’re not interested in pursuing a friendship, but you don’t want to be unkind when subtly communicating that message to an acquaintance. And how do we help kids make decisions about which friendships to pursue? It's tricky to simultaneously teach kids to make their own decisions about friendships while teaching them to treat people with kindness.

I have the perfect guest to help me dissect this issue of balancing kindness and inclusivity but also boundaries and independence in friendship decisions--author, Jessica Speer.

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Accepting that friends will hang out without you is a key to happier adult friendships. My best friend Taryn Kessel and I discuss that truth. We also talked about how to balance the desire for smaller, intimate friend gatherings with the desire to never leave anyone out. If you've ever been excluded, you know how terrible it feels. But as we get older, we need to figure out how to be gracious about "letting" friends hang out without us, especially if we are also the types who value outings with a few friends at a time. In other words, everybody can't be invited to everything. Most of us know that, but it's too hard to accept.

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A mini-ep to understand why friends ask personal or even intrusive questions, which came up in episode 8 with my mom: “How to handle friends’ questions you don’t want to answer."  In that episode, my mom and I talked about strategies for avoiding giving away information, but we didn’t try to understand where intrusive/personal/intimate questions come from in the first place. Today's episode is a more positive view to consider.

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The role of privacy in close friendships, the line between intimacy and privacy, the lines between white lies/ withholding information, and the right to keep some things to yourself. My guest is my mom, the queen of the artful dodge. We discuss how to manage these sometimes invasive (even when well-intentioned) conversations without hurting feelings or making things awkward. It’s not easy!

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Inspired by the Al Chet prayer we say in synagogue on Yom Kippur, I’m offering a version related only to friendship. And like we do for Yom Kippur, I’m using “we” not “I” because I’d like to think I’m not alone in my friendship transgressions. I know not everyone reading this follows the Jewish calendar, but it’s always a good time for a fresh start. 

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Friendship breakups and repairing a broken friendship. One of my best friends, who was once an ex-friend, and I discussed whether it’s possible to truly forgive a friend who hurt you and whether you can restart a friendship that ended. We did it and we think others can, too. Forgiving someone doesn’t always mean staying friends or becoming friends again. I’m merely asking listeners to be open to the possibility. The main part of today’s episode will focus on the very close friend, Rebecca Kotok, who gave me a second a chance. 

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Unfollowing a friend on social media is not always the answer. This quick episode will help you decide between unfollowing, muting, hiding, unfriending, or blocking. A friend's posts are bugging you on social media? Unfriending is not always the answer. 

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How much engagement can expect friends to have on your social media posts? Have you ever had a friend who presses "like" and comments on all of your mutual friends’ posts but ignores yours? You’d like to rise above it all, but you can’t help feeling hurt? Or, are you the person who scrolls through friends' posts, but can't bring yourself to "like" them? My guest, Rudri Patel, and I give advice to a letter writer who is frustrated by her close friend's social media shunning.

And remember to stick around for the Better Friendship Goal of the week at the end of the episode.

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I welcomed Christie Tate, author of Group: How One Therapist And A Circle of Strangers Saved My Life, to answer an anonymous question about mental health and how much to reveal to a new friend. Christie and I discussed if you have what some might consider "extra baggage," whether this is something you should tell a new friend right away. If not, when is the right time to share personal details that might scare away a new friend if told too soon?

And then remember to stick around for the Better Friendship Goal of the week at the end of the episode.

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My best friend, Taryn Kessel, and I discussed how to manage adult friendships when the kids are fighting or are no longer friends. Can adult friendships survive after the kids’ friendships have ended? Even after your close friend's kid/tween/teen was nasty to your kid? We say yes, but it can be an artful dance of not getting on somebody else's emotional roller coaster. 

And don’t forget to listen to the end of the show for the Better Friendship Goal of the week.

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Are you the friend who calls or texts first and reaches out for plans, or do you let your friends reach out first? In this episode my guest, Pam Moore, and I answer a letter from someone who is tired of making all the effort to get in touch or instigate plans. And as it turns out, some of the most popular internet searches leading to my website is the phrase, "My friend never initiates contact," "My friend never texts first," "My friend never makes plans first," "Why do I always have to initiate plans first?"

So obviously there are plenty of people out there feeling insecure about being the ones who initiate contact first and it makes them question whether the friendship is real or one worth continuing to pursue if it’s a newer friend. Pam and I spoke about what it's like when you're the friend who always initiates contact, or when you’re the friend who lets other people reach out first.

Remember to stick around for the Better Friendship goal at the end of the episode.

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If you have a friend who will only text, do you accept that fact if you’re more of a phone talker? What if you're the one who prefers to text, but your good friend insists on phone chats? Can a friendship last when the modes of communication are not agreed upon? My guest today is my mom, Kathy Sackheim, whose wise words I've quoted in my column for many years. 

And don’t forget to listen to the end of the show for your Better Friendship Goal of the week.

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Hello and welcome to Dear Nina, a podcast for people who love discussing the ups and downs of friendship.

I’m Nina Badzin, a writer, editor, teacher, mom of four, and wife. I’m not a therapist or a social worker, I’m someone with a passion for friendship who offers a practical and compassionate take to anyone who asks for my advice.

You’d think after seven years of answering anonymous friendship questions online that I’d be sick of the topic. I’m not! In fact, I’m more interested than ever about why some friendships work and why some don’t.

On Dear Nina, I’ll be answering letters from anonymous readers and listeners with topics like how to end a friendship, whether texting is enough to sustain a friendship, what to do if your friend is always selling you something, setting boundaries with friends who ask for a lot of favors, what to do if you’re always the friend who initiates contact first, and lots more.

We’ll chat about making friends, keeping friends, and taking all the drama and confusion out of our adult friendships.

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