Forty Drinks: The Podcast About Turning 40: Recent Episodes
Stephanie McLaughlin
Sometime around your 40th birthday (+/-) you might start feeling like some part of your life no longer fits and you don't know what to do about it. It could be at work or at home - or simply inside of you. You might be asking questions like "how did I get here?" Or, "Is this all there is?" "Is this what I've been working so hard for?" Or, "Why aren't I happier?"
I call that feeling "the Ick." I know it was true for me - and I fought against it, which only made it a messier process. But having 40 drinks with 40 people over the course of a year helped me escape the influence of that Ick.
On this podcast, I welcome you to tap into my stories and experience - as well as those of my guests - to help you emerge from your own “Ick” – and maybe even avoid some of the mistakes we made along the way.
My mission is to make it common cultural knowledge that there IS a transition most of us face around age 40 and then showcase so many versions of that transition that every single person approaching, or recently turned, 40 with dread in their heart, knows that they are not alone.
I know you don't want to call it a midlife crisis, so I won't, but "if the glove fits, you must acquit." 😉
In this compelling episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie sits down with Karen McMahon to delve into the challenges she faced in her marriage and how they transformed her into a stronger, more self-aware individual. Karen discusses her turbulent childhood in an emotionally volatile household, her string of unfulfilling relationships, and the tumultuous marriage that mirrored her parents' dysfunctions. Despite her incredible external successes, Karen's personal relationships were fraught with difficulties, culminating in a rocky marriage characterized by rage and financial instability. She candidly shares her journey through therapy, the decision to divorce, and the harrowing three-and-a-half-year process living with her abusive ex-husband.
Guest Bio Karen McMahon is a High Conflict Divorce Strategist, Certified Divorce Coach and Founder of Journey Beyond Divorce. She began divorce coaching in 2010 after recognizing that the pain of her divorce led her on a transformational journey into a powerful and unexpected new life. Karen leads a national team of divorce coaches in supporting men and women around the world to become calm, clear and confident as they navigate divorce. Karen is the host of the acclaimed Journey Beyond Divorce Podcast, and co-author of ‘Stepping out of Chaos: Turning Pain to Possibility” and creator of JBD’s exclusive Divorce 101: Strategic Blueprint for High Conflict Divorce Program.
Turning 40 and Surviving a High-Conflict DivorceIn this episode, Stephanie sits down with Karen McMahon, a divorce coach who transformed her high-conflict divorce experience into a beacon of hope for others navigating similar challenges. Karen shares her journey from a high achieving professional with a troubled personal life to finding her true calling helping others through their darkest times. Her story is not just about overcoming, but about using her past to fuel a future filled with purpose and service.
Key Highlights:
- Early Struggles and Realizations: Karen discusses her early success in her professional life contrasted with repeated failures in intimate relationships, stemming from the challenging dynamics in her family of origin.
- Marriage and Its Challenges: She opens up about her marriage, which seemed promising at first but was riddled with financial troubles and emotional disconnect thanks to a spouse on the narcissism spectrum, leading to her realization of needing change.
- Therapy and Self Discovery: Karen's turning point came through therapy, where she began to understand the source and depth of her issues and started the hard work of healing and self improvement.
- Divorce and Its Aftermath: The process of her divorce was long and fraught with conflict, but it was also a period of intense personal growth and transformation.
- Building a New Life: Post-divorce, Karen found her calling as a divorce coach, helping others navigate their paths through and beyond divorce.
Karen’s journey through personal turmoil and professional success is a wonderful example of making lemonade with lemons. Her story is not just one of survival, but of thriving by turning her deepest pain into a profound purpose. This episode is a must listen for anyone facing personal challenges or interested in how personal adversity can lead to a fulfilling and impactful career.
If you enjoyed this episode, please consider rating, following, and reviewing the podcast. Your feedback helps us bring more inspiring stories like Karen’s to you!
Guest ResourcesKaren’s gracious offer for Forty Drinks Listeners
Reclaim Your Mind: Evict Your Spouse from Your Mental Space
Journey Beyond Divorce Podcast
5 Day Boundary Bootcamp
Divorce 101
Connect with Karen on Facebook
Connect with Karen on TikTok
Free Consultation with a Divorce Coach
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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In this episode, Dhruv Sethi shares his experiences of immigrating from India to Sweden at age six and then moving to London in his 20s. He talks about the cultural and familial expectations of the life path he was supposed to follow, which led to his tumultuous first marriage, the subsequent challenging divorce, and its profound effect on his trust of women and in relationships. As a result, Dhruv embarked on a journey of introspection in his late 30s, eventually turning to meditation, yoga, and self-healing to open his heart and embrace a new chapter in his life.
Guest Bio Dhruv Sethi: Midlife has profoundly reshaped me. After my turbulent first marriage, I approach London's dating scene with newfound understanding and resilience. Previously swayed by Redpill ideologies, a pivotal breakup transformed my outlook. Now, I cherish and celebrate feminine energy.
My spirituality has deepened too. Viewing life as a battleground between good and evil, I'm driven to share insights through my podcast, "Midlife Masculine." Through it all, I've learned to value love, understanding, and empathy more than ever. Let's journey together through life's twists and turns, liberated from the ordinary.
Turning 40 and Overcoming Cultural ExpectationsIn this enlightening episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, host Stephanie sits down with Dhruv Sethi, the voice behind the Midlife Masculine Podcast. Dhruv shares his transformative journey through the trials of a tumultuous marriage and messy divorce, the personal growth and self-discovery that reshaped his approach to life and how it changed his relationships in his forties. From the bustling streets of London, Dhruv delves into the cultural pressures and expectations of his early life, the pivotal moments that led to his midlife awakening, and how he's using his experiences to guide other men through similar transitions.
Key Highlights:
- Dhruv's early life transition from India to Sweden and eventually to London, highlighting the cultural and personal shifts that shaped his early decisions.
- The breakdown of his first marriage and the profound impact it had on his views towards women, relationships and personal growth.
- Dhruv's journey into self-awareness, which began with meditation and expanded into a broader exploration of spirituality and personal development.
- The creation of the Midlife Masculine Podcast, a platform for men navigating midlife transitions, emphasizing growth, understanding, and community.
- Dhruv's insights on the importance of listening, the power of meditation, and embracing a non-judgmental approach towards oneself and others.
- His current outlook on relationships and his hopes for the future, including his desire to form a family grounded in the lessons he has learned.
Dhruv Sethi’s journey through cultural expectations, personal upheavals, and profound self-discovery highlights the universal themes of resilience and renewal. Dhruv's commitment to helping others navigate their midlife challenges through his podcast adds a layer of community and support that enriches his message. This episode is a must-listen for anyone facing their own transitions or interested in the deeper shifts that often come with midlife.
If you enjoyed this episode, please consider rating, following, and reviewing the Forty Drinks Podcast. Your feedback helps us bring more inspiring stories like Dhruv's to light.
Guest ResourcesConnect with Dhruv on Instagram
Midlife Masculine Podcast
"The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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Today, Stephanie chats with Yvonne Marchese, host of the Late Bloomer Living podcast, about her journey of self-discovery and transition at midlife. Yvonne shares her story, from pursuing her early dreams of a theater career in New York until she realized at 35 that it just didn’t feel as fun as it used to. She talks about her struggles, including an identity crisis, career shifts, and bouts of depression. By adopting small habits, like waking up an hour earlier, Yvonne managed to transform her life, leading to her successful career in photography and the creation of her podcast. The conversation highlights the importance of playfulness and trusting oneself during midlife transitions.
Guest Bio Yvonne Marchese is the host of the Late Bloomer Living Podcast, and author of In Full Bloom: A Guide to Aging Playfully. She is a roller skating, paddle boarding “Age Agitator” who believes that midlife is filled with possibility, that it’s never too late to pursue a dream and that the stories we tell ourselves have tremendous power in our lives. She is on a mission to help people rethink and redefine what’s possible as we age. She is also the President of the Age Agitators Club for women.
Turning Forty and Rediscovering JOY Through PlayToday, Stephanie sits down with Yvonne Marchese, a vibrant storyteller who shares her journey through the tumultuous waves of midlife. Yvonne pursued a stage career in the theater in New York City for many years, but around age 35 she realized it just wasn't as much fun anymore. Her journey to find another fulfilling career, and her path to motherhood, took her from her mid-30s into her 40s. By the time she was in her mid-40s, she was a frazzled mom, at least a little depressed, and working to get a small business off the ground. But changing just one thing – strangely, getting up an hour earlier each day – shifted many other things in her life for the better. Her compelling narrative navigates through identity crises, career changes, and the quest for personal fulfillment.
Episode Highlights:
- Yvonne's early dreams of acting and how a childhood trip to New York set the stage for her future.
- The challenges of maintaining a marriage with differing lifestyles and the eventual pursuit of her true passion in New York.
- The pivotal moment of realizing her marriage was a misstep and her brave decision to move to New York to chase her acting dreams.
- Transitioning from acting to photography as Yvonne sought a more stable and fulfilling lifestyle while starting a family.
- The profound impact of hitting the "snooze button" on life and how a simple change in morning routine catalyzed a significant transformation in her personal and professional life.
- Yvonne's venture into podcasting, driven by a desire to share stories and inspire others navigating midlife transitions.
Yvonne illustrates the unpredictable yet rewarding journey of reinvention that many of us encounter around our 40s. Her story is not just about changing careers but also about rediscovering oneself and finding joy in new beginnings. Whether it's acting, photography, or podcasting, Yvonne embraces each phase of her life with enthusiasm and learns to prioritize her happiness and wellbeing. This episode is a powerful reminder that midlife is not a crisis but an opportunity for growth and new adventures.
If you enjoyed this episode, please consider rating, following, and reviewing the Forty Drinks Podcast. Your feedback helps us grow and continue bringing inspiring stories like Yvonne's to light!
Guest ResourcesLate Bloomer Living
Yvonne Marchese Photography
Yvonne’s book: In Full Bloom: A Guide to Aging Playfully
Special Offer for Forty Drinks Listeners: 5 Steps to your Midlife Reboot
Connect with Yvonne on LinkedIn
Connect with Yvonne on YouTube
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Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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Today, Lauren Schenck shares her brave journey from being trapped in a toxic, narcissistic marriage to rebuilding her life and discovering self-love in her 40s. Lauren recounts the challenges she faced as a solo parent, navigating through divorce while 3,000 miles away from family and friends. Her story takes us through the hurdles of identifying narcissistic abuse, reclaiming passions like yoga and nutrition, and finding herself again after enduring years of emotional turmoil. This episode is a powerful reminder of the importance of self-care, inner strength, and the transformative power of making conscious, healing choices.
Guest Bio
Lauren Schenck is a Holistic Wellness Coach, Yoga Teacher, Crystal Healer, Sound Healer, and Meditation enthusiast. She believes in a holistic approach to life and health and strives to help others find their ideal balance for mind, body, and spirit. After her divorce in 2014 and with 2 small children to raise on her own, she turned to crystals, nutrition, yoga, and mindfulness practices to not only rebuild her life but also rebuild herself into the whole, happy, and healthy woman, mom, NEW WIFE, and teacher that she is today. Nothing makes her happier than helping others do the same.
Turning 40 and Burning It All to the GroundIn this episode, Stephanie sits down with Lauren Schenck, who transformed her life after leaving a toxic and abusive marriage. Lauren shares her journey of reclaiming her identity, her struggles as a solo parent, and the steps she took towards personal healing and empowerment. This episode is a profound exploration of resilience, self-love, and the power of making bold life choices.
Episode Highlights
- Leaving a Toxic Relationship: Lauren discusses the pivotal moment she decided to leave her narcissistic and abusive ex-husband, taking her two young children with her.
- Solo Parenting Challenges: She opens up about the difficulties and triumphs of being a solo parent, moving across the country, and starting anew.
- Healing and Self-Discovery: Lauren shares how therapy, yoga, and nutrition played crucial roles in her healing process and helped her rediscover her passions.
- Finding Love Again: The heartwarming story of how Lauren met her current husband, Justin, and how they built a healthy relationship together.
- Empowerment through Education: Lauren talks about going back to school for nutrition and yoga teacher training, emphasizing the importance of personal growth and self-care.
- The Power of Self-Love: A deep dive into how learning to love herself changed Lauren's life and relationships for the better.
Today's episode is a powerful testament to the strength of the human spirit and the transformative power of self-love and determination. Lauren's story is not just about escaping a harmful situation but about thriving beyond it, creating a fulfilling life for herself and her children, and finding true love. Her journey reminds us that it's never too late to change your life's path and that healing is possible with the right tools and support.
If you found inspiration in Lauren's story, please consider rating, following, and reviewing our podcast. Your feedback helps us bring more empowering stories like this to you!
Guest ResourcesConnect with Lauren on Facebook
Connect with Lauren on Instagram
Visit Lauren's website for wellness, nutrition, yoga and more.
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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Today, Stephanie sits down with Shana Francesca, who shares her harrowing journey through a traumatic childhood raised inside an evangelical Christian cult. Shana's talks about growing up in an environment where curiosity was punished, intuition was stifled, and survival required constant self-protection. She discusses her path to breaking free at 26, learning to trust herself, and discovering what a healthy relationship looks like. The conversation also explores Shana's transition into adulthood, her professional evolution, and the poignant realization that she needed to give language to her personal values and align them with her business aspirations. As Stephanie and Shana uncover the parallels in their respective transformative journeys, they highlight the importance of autonomy, self-trust, and finding one’s voice.
Guest Bio Shana Francesca is a speaker and consultant. Her work centers around the fact that we become infinitely more impactful as leaders when we understand our organization as an ecosystem we are meant to foster as a bubble of life.
Turning 40 and Getting Healthy after Being Raised in a CultIn this deeply moving episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie sits down with Shana Francesca, a survivor of an evangelical Christian cult, who shares her harrowing journey from a controlled and abusive childhood to finding her voice and establishing her values in midlife. Shana's story is not just about survival; it's a testament to the power of self-discovery, the importance of nurturing one's intuition, and the transformative impact of defining personal and professional values. Join us as Shana opens up about the challenges she faced and how they shaped her into the advocate for ethical leadership and community she is today.
Key Highlights:
- Surviving a Cult: Shana discusses her upbringing in an abusive household within a cult, highlighting the lack of personal freedom and the severe consequences of curiosity.
- Early Signs of Resistance: From as young as three, Shana exhibited signs of resistance, including running away from home, signaling her deep-rooted awareness of the dangers in her environment.
- Journey to Self-Trust: Shana shares her path to trusting her intuition, which was crucial in her escape and subsequent independence from the cult at the age of 26.
- Redefining Faith and Identity: A significant part of Shana's transformation involved reevaluating her religious beliefs and ultimately stepping away from organized religion to embrace a more personal and inclusive spirituality.
- Establishing Core Values: Shana talks about the importance of defining clear personal and business values, which guide her current work as a consultant focusing on ethical leadership and community building.
- Empowerment through Language: The power of language in shaping and expressing one's identity and values is a central theme, as Shana emphasizes how articulating her values has empowered her and others.
Today's episode with Shana not only explores the depths of overcoming a controlled and abusive upbringing but also celebrates the heights one can reach through self-awareness, resilience, and ethical leadership. Shana's journey is a powerful reminder of the strength found in reclaiming one's story and the importance of community in personal and professional realms. Her insights into the significance of nurturing intuition and establishing clear values offer valuable lessons for anyone navigating their own midlife transformations.
If you found inspiration in Shana's story and our discussion, please consider rating, following, and reviewing the Forty Drinks Podcast. Your feedback helps us bring more compelling stories and transformative insights to light.
Guest ResourcesConnect with Shana on Facebook
Connect with Shana on Instagram
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
In this moving episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, host Stephanie McLaughlin talks with Rita Bliven about her tumultuous early life, marked by a messy parental divorce, being kidnapped by her father, and reunion with her mother. This early instability led to deep attachment issues that shaped Rita's relationships and personal growth. Rita shares how therapeutic counseling in her teens, reconnecting with her Mexican family in her twenties, and her spiritual experiences contributed to her ongoing healing journey. Through perseverance and self-awareness, Rita found love and built a family, emphasizing the importance of connection and attachment in parenting her stepdaughter. Despite late fulfillment in love and career, Rita contemplates the 'what-ifs' of her life's timeline, ultimately expressing gratitude for her transformative journey.
Guest Bio Rita Bliven suffered from a debilitating avoidant attachment style or disorder due to an international parental kidnapping. Much of her adult life has been spent learning about attachment theory, the different attachment styles, the traumas that cause attachment issues, and attachment healing. Rita chronicles her healing journey in her upcoming book, Canyons & Fireworks. In sharing her story, Rita hopes to inspire others to explore their own attachment styles so that true identity, purpose, and intimacy can flourish.
Turning 40 and Healing From Parental Kidnapping as a BabyIn this episode, Stephanie sits down with Rita Bilven, a woman who navigates the complexities of attachment issues stemming from a tumultuous childhood. By the time she was three, Rita had been kidnapped twice by her parents. The first time, her father abducted her and brought her to Mexico. Two years later, her mother lured her father back to California, kidnapped Rita back and moved cross country. Rita shares her journey of healing and self-discovery, which led her to reconnect with her estranged father and embrace her Mexican heritage. Her story is a powerful testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of understanding and addressing one's past.
Episode Highlights:
- Early Childhood Trauma: Rita discusses her early experiences of being kidnapped by her father and the subsequent legal and emotional battles that shaped her childhood.
- Attachment Theory: Rita explains how attachment theory played a crucial role in understanding her struggles with relationships and self-identity.
- Reconnecting with Her Roots: The emotional recount of Rita's journey to reconnect with her father and her Mexican family, which brought significant healing and understanding.
- Personal and Spiritual Growth: Insights into how personal development and spirituality have guided Rita through her healing process.
- Marriage and Family Life: Rita opens up about meeting her husband later in life and how they've built a strong, loving relationship, including the importance of connection and attachment in parenting her stepdaughter.
- Writing as Healing: Rita shares how writing helped her process her experiences and aided her healing journey.
Rita's story is a reminder of the importance of confronting our past to shape a happier, healthier future and the enduring strength of love. Her experiences with attachment issues, cultural identity, and personal growth are interwoven with practical insights into overcoming adversity. Whether you're dealing with similar issues or just looking for an inspiring story of transformation, this episode offers valuable lessons on resilience, love, and healing.
If you enjoyed this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, please be sure to rate, follow, and review. Your feedback helps us bring more inspiring stories like Rita's to light!
Guest ResourcesConnect with Rita on Facebook
Connect with Rita on Instagram
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
In the 100th episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie welcomes her longtime friend Adrian Walker for a heartfelt and reflective conversation. They reminisce about their first meeting at Fenway Park in 1991, tracing the evolution of their enduring friendship and the significant life transitions they've experienced. Adrian shares insights into his career as a journalist, including impactful projects and his journey into sobriety, which reshaped his personal and professional life. They also delve into Adrian's recent venture into podcasting with the successful "Murder in Boston" series. Throughout the episode, they explore themes of aging, transformation, and the sustaining power of friendship. Join Stephanie and Adrian as they celebrate this milestone episode with stories of past adventures and the lessons they've learned along the way.
Guest Bio Adrian Walker writes a twice-weekly column, focusing on politics and local news. A native of Miami, he joined the Globe in 1989 as a general assignment reporter, after three years at the Miami News. Walker was a member of the Globe Spotlight Team that was a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize for local reporting in 2018 for the series “Boston. Race. Image.Reality.” He is a frequent commentator on political and social justice issues - including the Netflix documentary “Trial 4” - and was the host of the Globe’s award-winning nine-part podcast “Murder in Boston” on the Stuart murder case. He was the Globe’s City Hall bureau chief, State House reporter and deputy political editor before becoming a Metro columnist in 1998. He was named an Associate Editor of the Globe in 2021.
From Fenway to Forever: Celebrating 30 Years of FriendshipEpisode 100: A Journey Through the Decades: Friendship and Transformation with Adrian Walker
In this milestone 100th episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie sits down with her long-time friend and esteemed journalist, Adrian Walker. They dive deep into their shared past, exploring the pivotal moments that have defined their friendship since 1991. Adrian opens up about his transformative journey through his 40s, discussing his career highlights, personal growth, and the profound impact of sobriety on his life.
Episode Highlights:
- Memorable Meeting: Adrian and Stephanie reminisce about their first encounter at Fenway Park in 1991, marking the beginning of a decades-long friendship.
- Career Milestones: Adrian shares his experiences of landing his dream job at 36 and the significant projects he has worked on, including a Pulitzer Prize-nominated series on racism in Boston.
- Sobriety and Self-Discovery: Adrian discusses his decision to become sober and how it has reshaped his perspective and lifestyle.
- Podcasting Venture: Adrian talks about his role as the host of the successful podcast "Murder in Boston," detailing the challenges and rewards of this new medium.
- Reflections on Aging and Friendship: Both Stephanie and Adrian reflect on the nature of aging, the impact of milestone birthdays, and the reasons their friendship has endured over three decades.
Today’s episode is a heartfelt reflection on friendship, change, and the milestones that come with aging. Stephanie and Adrian’s conversation provides an intimate look at the dynamics of a long-lasting friendship and the personal transformations that often accompany life’s second act. Their stories remind us of the importance of connection, resilience, and embracing change at any stage of life.
If you enjoyed this episode, please consider rating, following, and reviewing the Forty Drinks Podcast. Your feedback helps us grow and continue bringing you engaging content each week!
Guest ResourcesConnect with Adrian on X
Read Adrian’s column in The Boston Globe
Murder in Boston podcast on Apple
Murder in Boston podcast on Spotify
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
Julie Hutsell-Starling was in her mid 30s and in the middle of a toxic relationship she couldn’t extract herself from when she heard a song that changed everything. It was the catalyst to finally leave this relationship and start the healing process. When she started dating again, she was so clear on what she wanted that the dates were actually interviews. After roughly 50 first dates she met the man she would eventually marry. Now that she had found a wonderful, loving relationship, it ignited the spark inside her to find something that was as good a fit in the professional realm as her relationship was in the personal realm.
Guest Bio Since 2000, Dr. Julie Hutsell-Starling, DACM, L.Ac has been discovering, studying, and experiencing the mind/body connection and multiple energetic modalities that allow you to tap into your body’s innate sense of balance, health, and well-being.
Her personal journey started when she was just 27 and diagnosed with chronic pain. While healing herself, she discovered acupuncture and Chinese Medicine, which she found helpful with the pain and more importantly, helped her get to the root cause of the pain, which has kept it from returning all these years.
Importantly, her career has also been her greatest teacher. She struggled with burnout off and on for years in private acupuncture practice no matter how much self-care she did, and it wasn’t until she understood the real root cause of the burnout, that the symptoms finally went away and have stayed away.
Dr. Julie loves to guide her clients to get to the root cause of their challenges. When you address the root cause instead of chasing the symptoms, that is how you find true healing, and how you re-find the creativity, joy, inspiration, ease, and flow in your work, your relationships, and in your life.
Dr. Julie teaches her clients self-healing techniques they can use daily or anytime they need, because she is passionate about putting the power and control back in their hands, and guiding them to connect with their intuition and inner knowing that has been there all along to reclaim their highest healing.
Dr. Julie is a Doctor of Acupuncture and Chinese Medicine, a Certified Health Coach, a Soul Realignment Akashic Records Practitioner, and a Kundalini Yoga Teacher. She has been working with patients/clients since 2005 and has worked with thousands of patients and coaching clients in private practice.
Dr. Julie lives in Beaufort, NC on the beautiful Crystal Coast, with her husband and three kitties.
Turning 40 and Going on 50 First DatesIn this week’s episode, Stephanie sits down with Julie Hutsell-Starling, who learned to love herself and then redefined her romantic life and career in midlife. Julie shares her raw and touching story of growing up with an alcoholic mother, battling through toxic relationships, and ultimately finding her true self and love. Her journey is not just about overcoming, but about thriving and rediscovering her passion in a way that aligns with her true self.
Episode Highlights
- Julie discusses her challenging childhood with an alcoholic and abusive mother, which shaped her early years and self-perception.
- She opens up about her journey through toxic relationships, including a pivotal moment that led her to end a particularly damaging relationship.
- Julie's transformative experience in Italy as a foreign exchange student that opened her eyes to different ways of living and loving.
- Julie's inspiring story of meeting her husband, how online dating played a role, and the intuitive moment she knew she had found her true companion.
- The significant impact of a career in acupuncture, how burnout led her to reevaluate her life, and the eventual shift towards a practice that aligns more closely with her soul’s purpose.
- The evolution of her professional life, from a traditional acupuncture practice to a more holistic and fulfilling approach that incorporates Kundalini yoga and energy work.
In this episode, Julie shares her powerful narrative of personal growth, self-love, and professional fulfillment. Her story is a testament to the strength of the human spirit and the beauty of finding one's path at midlife. Julie's journey from a tumultuous childhood and challenging relationships to finding true love and reshaping her career is not only inspiring but also a reminder of the possibilities that await when we listen to our inner voice and honor our true selves.
If you enjoyed this episode, please consider rating, following, and reviewing the Forty Drinks Podcast. Your feedback helps us bring more inspiring stories like Julie's to you!
Guest ResourcesConnect with Julie on Facebook
Connect with Julie on Instagram
Connect with Julie on TikTok
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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The Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
Corey Stulce from the Family Twist podcast hosts a special "pod swap" episode of the Forty Drinks podcast with guest Jordan Elizabeth Braxton. In this engaging conversation, Jordan shares the intimate and powerful story of her transition journey. From her early realizations and the challenges faced within a religious family to the life-changing moment of discovering she was intersex, Jordan opens up about her struggles and triumphs. She discusses the pivotal decision to transition, the impact on her personal and professional life, and the overwhelming support she received from her family. Through laughter and tears, Corey and Jordan highlight the importance of authenticity, resilience, and the unconditional love that makes such journeys possible.
Guest Bio Jordan Elizabeth Braxton is a drag performer, advocate for HIV prevention and sexual health, Director of Diversity and Inclusion for Pride St. Louis, LGBTQ+ Advisory Committee Chairwoman for the City of St. Louis, activist, volunteer, transgender advocate and pageant queen.
Pod Swap with Family TwistSummary
Jordan shares her journey of transitioning and coming out as transgender. She discusses how she always knew she was a girl and the challenges she faced growing up in a religious African-American family. Jordan talks about her medical discovery of being intersex and going through hormone replacement therapy. She also shares her experience of coming out to her family, who were accepting and supportive. Jordan highlights the importance of sharing her story to educate others about the transgender experience and dispel misconceptions. Corey Stulce and Jordan discuss her career as a drag queen, her activism in the LGBTQ+ community, and her experiences with gender affirmation surgery. Corey talks about her early days as a drag queen, where she entertained audiences with her quick wit and ability to read people. She also discusses her involvement in activism, particularly during the HIV epidemic, and her advocacy for the rights of the LGBTQ+ community. Jordan shares her experiences competing in trans pageants and her excitement for the Miss America film division. She also reflects on her gender affirmation surgery and the happiness it has brought her. The conversation concludes with a discussion about their time working together on a production of Steel Magnolias and the joy they found in the theater community.
Highlights of the episode:
- Transitioning is a personal journey that involves coming out socially, medically, and professionally.
- Acceptance and support from family and friends can make a significant difference in a transgender person's experience.
- Misconceptions and misinformation about transgender individuals and gender-affirming care are prevalent and harmful.
- Drag queens have played a significant role in the LGBTQ+ community, providing support and paving the way for LGBTQ+ rights.
- Sharing personal stories and experiences can help educate others and promote understanding and acceptance. Jordan's career as a drag queen was built on her quick wit and ability to entertain audiences with her reading skills.
- She has been an advocate for the LGBTQ+ community, particularly during the HIV epidemic, and has been involved in activism to raise awareness and fight for the rights of the community.
- Jordan is excited to compete in trans pageants and the Miss America film division, as it allows her to showcase her activism and positive representation of trans women.
- Her gender affirmation surgery has brought her immense happiness, and she encourages others to never take no for an answer and to pursue their dreams.
- Working together on a production of Steel Magnolias was a memorable and joyful experience for Corey and Jordan, highlighting the importance of community and the theater arts.
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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In this week’s episode of Forty Drinks, Stephanie talks with Erik DeRosa about his profound midlife transition and struggle with mental health. Erik grew up with severe anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder, masking it under a facade for 25 years while pursuing a high-pressure career on Wall Street. At age 33, a dissociative episode forced him to confront his mental health issues and seek therapy. His life took a transformative turn when he discovered skiing, a passion that ultimately led him to leave his finance career and become a ski instructor in Colorado. Eric's story emphasizes the importance of recognizing and addressing mental health struggles, and how following one's passion can lead to a fulfilling and happier life.
Guest Bio Erik DaRosa, known by friends as “Yoda,” is the Founder and CEO of From Survivor to Thriver, a mental health advocate, speaker, author and Co-host of the popular From Survivor to Thriver podcast. Through his work and his own lived experience, Erik is upending the front-end of the mental health space and building a bridge between those who seek resources and those who provide both help and hope. Each week on his podcast, he tackles different mental health topics through honest and relatable "kitchen table" conversations with real people who are helping to shatter mental health stigmas and find their voices. He aims to normalize discussions around mental health topics and remind his audience they are not alone, there is strength in community and "it's perfectly ok to not always be ok."
In 2011, Erik traded in a successful career as a NYC finance executive when he moved to Colorado with his wife and two cats. Erik spent twelve winters as a ski instructor for the Aspen Skiing Company before retiring in the Spring of 2023.
Born and raised in New England, Erik earned his MBA from the NYU Stern School of Business and his BA in Economics from Brandeis University. He lives in Colorado with his wife Amy and two cats, Lincoln and Taylor.
Turning 40 and Changing the Things that Muck with Your Mental HealthThis week, Stephanie sits down with Erik DaRosa, a former Wall Street banker who found solace and a new beginning in the snowy mountains of Colorado. Erik shares his compelling story of battling severe anxiety and OCD from a young age, and how a midlife pivot at 40 led him to a transformative journey in skiing and mental health advocacy. Join us as Erik opens up about the challenges he faced, the revelations in therapy, and how skiing became not just a hobby but a lifeline.
Highlights of the Episode:
- Erik’s early struggles with severe anxiety and OCD, and how these challenges were masked during his youth and early professional life.
- The pivotal moment at age 33 when a dissociative episode during a drive forced Erik to seek help and begin confronting his mental health issues.
- How a therapist’s unusual suggestion to try skiing led Erik to discover a passion that was transformative, both mentally and physically.
- Erik’s transition from a high-pressure finance career in New York to becoming a ski instructor in Snowmass, Colorado, embracing a healthier lifestyle and community.
- The launch of Erik’s mental health podcast, "From Survivor to Thriver," and his upcoming program, U-MOST (Unlocking Minds on Snow Together), which combines skiing with mental health healing practices.
Today’s episode is a profound look at how midlife can be a turning point for profound personal transformation. Erik’s journey from the trading floors of Wall Street to the ski slopes of Colorado is not just about changing careers; it’s about discovering and embracing a new way of life that prioritizes mental health, passion, and community. His upcoming U-MOST program is set to offer others the therapeutic benefits of skiing, showing that it’s never too late to find your true calling and heal.
If you enjoyed this episode, please consider rating, following, and reviewing the podcast. Your feedback helps us bring more inspiring stories like Erik’s to light!
Guest ResourcesConnect with Erik on Instagram
Changing the Face of Mental Health - From Survivor to Thriver
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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In today’s episode, Jeff Glauser shares his transformative journey from feeling stuck and unfulfilled in his mid-thirties to finding purpose and stability in his forties. Coming from a background in sports journalism, Jeff struggled with imposter syndrome and missed opportunities. Faced with financial hardships and personal setbacks, including a bankruptcy and his marriage ending, Jeff sought a path to reinvention. Through establishing ten daily habits centered on self-improvement and simplicity—such as exercise, meditation, and financial organization—Jeff slowly rebuilt his life. His story unfolds into a tale of self-discovery, resilience, and the power of incremental change, ultimately culminating in a meaningful new career and a fulfilling relationship.
Guest Bio After waking up to a panic attack on his 42nd birthday broke, unemployed, and soon to be divorced, Jeff Glauser finally figured out a system to unstick himself. The former journalist, professor, and sales manager committed to a series of simple daily habits that changed his entire trajectory. Now the founder of Brandscribed, he helps other high performers change their brand narrative and create the next chapter of their lives.
Turning 40 and Embracing the Bare MinimumIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie sits down with Jeff Glauser, who navigated through a profound midlife transformation. From battling the depths of career dissatisfaction and personal turmoil, including a challenging marriage and financial woes, Jeff shares his journey of rediscovery and how he reshaped his life into one of fulfillment and success. His story is not just about overcoming, but about the strategic and mindful steps he took to rebuild his life from the ground up.
Episode Highlights:
- Jeff discusses his early career aspirations and the repeated setbacks that led to a loss of confidence and the onset of imposter syndrome.
- He shares the pivotal moment on his 42nd birthday that acted as a wake-up call, leading him to develop a set of daily habits that fundamentally changed his life.
- Jeff talks about the end of his marriage and how hitting rock bottom was both a challenge and a catalyst for change.
- The transformational power of simple daily habits that helped Jeff regain control of his life, including meditation, exercise, gratitude and managing finances.
- Jeff’s journey to finding love again, where a simple first date after his separation turned into a life-changing relationship.
- His career shift into leveraging his storytelling skills to help others in their professional branding, inspired by his own experiences and challenges.
Jeff’s story is a testament to the fact that it’s never too late to change your life and find fulfillment. His methodical approach to establishing daily habits that foster personal and professional growth is not only inspiring but also actionable for anyone feeling stuck in their own life. This episode is a must-listen for anyone facing midlife challenges or seeking to reinvent themselves. It’s a reminder that with the right mindset and tools, transformation is within reach.
If you enjoyed this episode, please consider rating, following, and reviewing the podcast. Your feedback helps us bring more inspiring stories like Jeff’s to listeners who are navigating their own midlife transformations.
Guest ResourcesJeff’s Offer for Forty Drinks Listeners: Become An Expert Brand Master Class
Connect with Jeff on Facebook
Building a StoryBrand, by Donald Miller
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Gregory Halpen discusses his transformative journey from a tumultuous youth to finding stability and purpose in midlife. Gregory shares his struggles with substance misuse, the allure and challenges of life in New York City, and a life-altering battle with cancer at age 46, which led him to reevaluate his life, ultimately grounding himself and pursuing his passion for the arts more seriously. Gregory's story is a vivid example of resilience and the power of personal rebirth, offering hope and inspiration to those navigating their own midlife transitions. Join Stephanie and Gregory as they explore the profound impact of life’s trials and the beauty of emerging with a renewed sense of direction and fulfillment.
Guest Bio Gregory has 30+ years’ experience as a gay men’s leadership coach, solo theater artist, stage & TV actor, and singer. Gregory teaches solo-theater artists how to get out of their head so they can openly create from the heart.
Turning 40, Conquering Cancer and Planting RootsIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie McLaughlin sits down with Gregory Halpen, who shares his transformative midlife journey from a tumultuous youth and early adulthood marked by instability, trauma, and an ungrounded lifestyle. Gregory talks about the internal conflicts he faced, battling imposter syndrome and past traumas, and how these issues hindered his professional and personal growth. He also recounts a life-altering battle with Hodgkin's lymphoma at age 46, which spurred a dramatic shift in his perspective and lifestyle.
From battling substance misuse and anxiety to overcoming a cancer diagnosis, Gregory’s narrative is a compelling tale of resilience, renewal, and the power of staying true to one’s passions despite life’s upheavals. He takes us from his time as a tumbleweed to a grounded performer.
Episode Highlights:
Early Struggles: Gregory discusses his challenging upbringing in a family grappling with addiction and how it shaped his early years.
New York, New York: The allure of NYC and how it played a pivotal role in both the challenges and opportunities in his life, including his repeated moves to and from the city.
Facing Cancer: Gregory opens up about his diagnosis of Hodgkin's lymphoma at 46, describing it as a major turning point that pushed him to truly confront his life’s direction.
Artistic Pursuits: Insights into Gregory’s evolving career in theater and music, highlighting his current projects and how he channels his experiences into his creative work.
Personal Growth: How therapy and personal development have helped him navigate through anxiety, build healthier relationships, and foster a more grounded existence.
Gregory's story is a testament to resilience, illustrating how therapy, self-discovery, and a grounded approach led to personal and professional fulfillment. It is a vivid reminder that personal rebirth is possible, and sometimes, the most profound growth happens when we find ourselves rooted in our true passions. This episode offers insights and inspiration for those facing their own midlife transitions and seeking a path to a more intentional, grounded life.
If you enjoyed this episode, please consider rating, following, and reviewing the podcast. Your feedback not only helps us grow but also inspires us to bring more inspiring stories like Gregory’s to you.
Guest ResourcesConnect with Gregory on Facebook
Connect with Gregory on Instagram
Connect with Gregory on TikTok
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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When she was 31, Laura Ballet met a man 11 years her junior that she would spend the next decade with. He acted mature for his age and she acted a little young, so they met in the middle on many things. The relationship was mostly wonderful, but she put blinders on to avoid the things she felt were missing. However, once she started asking herself the hard questions, she couldn’t deny that something important was missing for her. She chose to take a leap of faith and listen to the little voices calling to her, that she could feel nudging her toward a different future.
Guest Bio As a Global Ambassador for Life Transformational Empowerment and Human Awareness, Laura’s skill set, gathered wisdom, and personal discipline to advance human potential is evident in her creative work. The care, consideration, and genuine thoughtfulness of supporting and exploring an empowered life with both personal and professional individuals, is an impactful and life-advancing experience for her clients, attendees, and listeners around the globe. Co-Creating with individuals who are willing to grow past their present Mindset, repeated negative patterns, and outdated habits, are in for a 360 view on how to create and sustain happiness and well-being.
Laura is a sought- after Coaching expert in the field of Neuro-Energy. A self-aware environment that allows us to move into the “Power Seat of Choice.” This awareness positions us into the realm of Empowerment, and here is where unlimited potential gains accountability to enact change. You will discover how we choose to think about thought, and the energetic frequency attached to that thought, sets up the way we experience life.
The J3=E Formula activates your ability and potential to dissolve past challenges, and to Reframe your mindset, becoming skilled at hacking doubt, and in partnership with expanding creativity. There are empowering and inspirational thought leaders around the world consistently interviewing Laura for magazine articles, Podcasts, speaking engagements and creative collaboration.
If you are willing to advance your present condition, state of mind, biology/cellular well-being, and your spiritual starting point, Laura’s revolutionary book, The Science of Empowerment, based on Mindset advancement, will fundamentally change everything. Do not stay connected to the past and unnecessary ways of moving through your days. We are here to evolve in every way possible! Do not let this life pass through you with your potential un-awakened.
Do not glance at the Power…Become the Power…
Turning 40 and Waking From the Fairy TaleIn this heartwarming episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie sits down with Laura Ballet, who shares her poignant journey through the complexities of love, self-discovery, and personal evolution that unfolded in her 30s and 40s. After spending a decade with a man 11 years her junior, Laura felt a calling from within that this relationship wasn’t enough for her. She clearly remembers the day she saw him and thought, “I now realize that you are here to teach me what it is I don’t want.” This led to a leap of faith and a period of time where she focused on her relationship with herself. Ultimately, she found that everything she dreamed of was on the other side of that decision. Laura's story is a testament to the power of listening to one’s inner voice and the beautiful possibilities that arise when we dare to follow it.
Highlights:
Laura's early life and the impact of her family’s generational patterns on her personal growth.
Her transformative relationship in her 30s with a younger man, which while fulfilling on many levels, ultimately taught her more about what she didn't want than what she did.
The pivotal moments of self-realization and the decision to prioritize her own happiness and growth, leading to the end of her long-term relationship.
Laura’s period of self-discovery where she focused on personal passions and self-love, setting the stage for attracting a more aligned partnership.
The serendipitous meeting with her now-husband, a French restaurateur, and how their relationship blossomed into a deep, meaningful connection.
Laura's role as a stepmother and the emotional decisions surrounding family and motherhood.
Laura’s story is a powerful reminder of the beauty and strength found in choosing oneself and the magic that unfolds when we align with our true desires. Her story is not just about the relationships with the men in her life but also her relationship with herself, which she nurtured and honored through periods of significant change. This episode is a must-listen for anyone standing at the crossroads of a major life decision, offering both inspiration and courage to choose the path that truly feels right. Don't forget to rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast if you enjoyed this episode and found Laura's story as uplifting as we did.
Guest ResourcesGet Laura’s Book: The Science of Empowerment
Connect with Laura on Facebook
Connect with Laura on Instagram
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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As a former "fat kid," Lauren Herskovic had deep seated insecurities that led her to choose professional roles that didn’t give her what she needed because she didn’t think she deserved it. She spent seven years as the COO of a startup where the founders made her feel like she was good at her job and dangled the carrot of the “big payoff,” but it came with severely compromised boundaries. Ultimately, she found her way from soul-sucking burnout to success and authenticity in the real estate industry. Lauren’s story is a powerful testament to personal and professional growth that can inspire anyone facing their own transitions around the age of forty.
Guest Bio What do you get when you combine a teacher, a comedian and a COO? Either the start of a really bad joke or an attentive, knowledgeable, detail-oriented, and entertaining real estate agent. In this case, we’ve got the latter. Lauren Herskovic, founding member of Moda Group at Compass specializes in helping first time homebuyers find their place in Chicago.
Lauren grew up in suburban Detroit and now lives in Chicago. She got a BA in English and Secondary Education from the University of Michigan (Go Blue!). She then served as Editor in Chief for an online women’s magazine in NYC before working as COO for a consulting company based in Chicago, taking the company from a 3-person operation to a team of 100+ with offices in the US and China. If you think that sounds like something that would burn someone out, you'd be right! So, burnt to a crisp in the latter half of her 30's, Lauren decided to follow her heart and make the leap into Real Estate. And she hasn't looked back since. In her free time (which is limited these days, with this active market!) she eats her way through Chicago, binge-watches Bravo with her Toy Poodle, Harvey, and takes an obscene amount of pictures of said food and said poodle.
Turning 40 and Kicking the Soul Sucking Job to the CurbIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie McLaughlin sits down with Lauren Herskovic, who navigated through significant life changes before her 40th birthday. Lauren shares her journey from grappling with self-doubt rooted in childhood to transforming into a confident real estate agent and finding love in a healthy relationship. Lauren paints a vivid picture of the ups and downs of personal growth, the importance of vulnerability, and the ongoing quest for self-acceptance.
Her story is a testament to the power of self-discovery and resilience through the midlife transition, offering listeners a candid look into the personal and professional growth that can occur during this pivotal time.
Episode Highlights:
Career Shifts: Lauren discusses her transition from feeling undervalued as a Chief Operating Officer in a startup to thriving as a real estate agent where she built her brand around her authentic self.
Self-Discovery: She reflects on her struggles with body image and how overcoming these helped her gain confidence in her personal and professional life.
Relationship Evolution: Lauren opens up about her past relationships and how meeting her current partner at the right time in her life made a significant difference.
Setting Boundaries: Learn how Lauren learned to prioritize her needs and set boundaries, especially concerning her time and personal space.
The Impact of Therapy: Lauren credits therapy with helping her understand herself better, which was crucial in her journey towards self-acceptance and improvement.
Family Dynamics and Personal Growth:She discusses the influence of her family's communication style on her personality and how external perspectives helped her gain insight into herself.
With a blend of vulnerability and humor, Lauren's journey through her midlife transition illustrates the challenges and triumphs of redefining oneself in adulthood. Her experiences with career changes, relationship dynamics, and personal growth underscore the universal quest for happiness and fulfillment that resonates with many in their forties. If you found this episode enlightening and inspiring, don't forget to rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast. Your feedback helps us bring more stories like Lauren's to light!
Guest ResourcesConnect with Lauren on Instagram
Connect with Lauren on TikTok
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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As Ginny Priem approached 40, she was focused on her career and enjoying the life she had built for herself. Then she met “Chad,” who worked his way into her heart and home with his two kids. A year later she met a friend who presented her with evidence that “Chad” had been seeing someone else the whole time. One of the alleged instances occurred when Ginny knew she was overriding a sense that something was wrong. It was only after getting out of that relationship that she started to ask the hard questions like, how did this happen? Why did I welcome this into my life? That led to uncovering toxic patterns she could trace back to her childhood in a narcissistic family.
Guest Bio Ginny Priem is a keynote speaker, #1 bestselling author, host of the popular podcast "Drinking With Gin" and a life coach at the mastery level.
Turning 40 and Ditching the Lying, Cheating NarcissistMotivated, successful and career-focused in her mid-thirties, Ginny Priem's life took a dramatic turn when she fell for “Chad” and his two children. Despite her initial reluctance, she embraced the relationship until a shocking revelation from a friend brought her world crashing down. This betrayal forced Ginny to confront not only the immediate pain but also deeper issues stemming from her past, including dealing with a narcissistic family background.
Ginny's discovery of Chad's betrayal leads to a painful but empowering journey toward self-discovery, healing, and eventually using her experience to help others as a life coach, author, and motivational speaker. Throughout the interview, Ginny emphasizes learning from one's intuition, the importance of self-love, and reclaiming one's life from narcissistic abuse.
Through her story, Ginny delves into the complexities of narcissistic relationships, the importance of listening to our intuition, and the transformative power of facing the truth.
Key Takeaways:
- Self-Discovery is Key: Ginny's journey underscores the importance of self-discovery in healing. Understanding your past and how it influences your present can be a powerful catalyst for growth.
- Letting Go of Toxicity: Sometimes, you gotta Marie Kondo your relationships. Letting go of toxic connections creates space for healthier, more fulfilling ones to thrive.
- Embracing Your Purpose: Ginny found her purpose in helping others navigate tough times. Embracing your story and using it to uplift others can be incredibly empowering.
- Meditation for the Win: Who knew a meditation retreat could be so life-changing? Sometimes, all it takes is a little mindfulness to shift your perspective and set you on a path to healing.
- Turning Pain into Power: Ginny's journey shows that pain can be a powerful fuel for transformation. Instead of letting it break you, use it to propel yourself forward and create a life you love.
Guest ResourcesSign up for Ginny’s Free Newsletter
Ginny’s books:
You're My Favorite
I'm My Favorite
Connect with Ginny on Facebook
Connect with Ginny on Instagram
Connect with Ginny on TikTok
YouTube
www.ginnypriem.com
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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Sara Letorneau is a writer, editor, poet and writing coach who will turn 40 later this year. She grew up in a “normal” happy family in a working class suburb in Massachusetts where she was taught that the traditional life milestones would make her “happy:” go to college, get a job, find a boyfriend, get married and have kids. But we all know that it’s not that easy. Sara has made her way through some elements of the midlife Ick, in her job, her friendships and in her romantic relationships. And, while there are some aspects of the Ick she’s still making her way through, she’s got a wildly positive outlook about turning 40 this year.
Guest Bio Sara Letourneau is a poet, book editor, and writing coach who lives in Massachusetts. She's the founder and managing editor at Heart of the Story Editorial & Coaching Services, where she works with fiction and nonfiction writers as well as poets to help them develop the skills, knowledge, and confidence they need so they can finish their manuscripts, polish them for publication, and stay focused and motivated as they reach for their writing goals and embrace their creativity. Her debut poetry collection, Wild Gardens, will be published by Kelsay Books in late summer 2024; and her award-winning poetry has been published widely in literary journals, magazines, and anthologies online and in print. Apart from work and writing, Sara believes in caring for one's mental health, practicing gratitude, doing what makes you happy, and taking responsibility for your actions and reactions and no one else's. You can visit her online and read more of her work at her website (heartofthestoryeditorial.com) or on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn.
Turning 40 and Peeling Back the Layers of the OnionThis week, Stephanie delves deep into Sara Letourneau’s journey as she navigates through multiple personal and professional transformations approaching her 40th birthday. Facing the 'Icks' of life, including career shifts, personal growth, and family dynamics, Sara shares her path to discovering and embracing her true self, overcoming challenges through a consistent gratitude practice, spirituality, and resilience. From embarking on a spiritual awakening and embracing a poetry career to understanding complex family relationships and redefining personal milestones, Sara's story offers insights into the universal quest for fulfillment and happiness.
Guest ResourcesConnect with Sara on Facebook
Connect with Sara on Instagram
Heart of the Story Website
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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David Hankins spent 20 years in the Army working in logistics. He retired at 42 and had to figure out what his next act was going to be. There would be stability to support his family, but he would also chase his dream of becoming a professional writer. Despite David’s midlife transition looking pretty smooth, there has been a lot of uncertainty. In both his search for a civilian job and his efforts to break into publishing, he’s heard a lot of no’s, or gotten no response at all. His approach to that was to provide himself with as many options as possible so that at least a few would work out.
Guest Bio David Hankins is the award-winning author of Death and the Taxman and writes from the thriving cornfields of Iowa where he lives with his wife, daughter, and two dragons disguised as cats. David joined the US Army after college and, through some glitch in the bureaucracy, convinced Uncle Sam to fund his wanderlust for twenty years. He has lived in and traveled through much of Europe, central Asia, and the United States. Now that he’s retired from the Army, David devotes his time to his passions of writing, traveling, and finding new ways to pay his mortgage. You can find him at https://davidhankins.com
Turning 40 and Leaving the Bureaucracy for Science FictionIn this episode, David Hankins shares his journey from serving in the Army for 20 years, through his transition back to civilian life, to becoming a published author. He talks about his military career, starting with his initial intention to join the military police, leading to his eventual role in logistics and ammunition management. David touches upon his travels, including deployments to Afghanistan and Iraq, and his life-changing decision to retire after 20 years of service. David discusses the challenges and uncertainties he faced while transitioning to civilian life, including his pursuit of a writing career. Inspired by storytelling sessions with his daughter, David began writing short stories, leading to winning the Writers of the Future contest. He also shares insights into his writing process, motivations, and his upcoming self-published novel 'Death and the Taxman'. Throughout the episode, David emphasizes the importance that networking, planning, and maintaining a positive outlook had during his midlife transition.
Guest ResourcesOrder Death and the Taxman here!
Connect with David on Facebook
Connect with David on Instagram
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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Allison Doss has a multi-faceted midlife transition that took her through several harrowing phases. She moved to the “big city” after high school and was quickly recruited to become a stripper. She went from stripper to high-priced escort to homeless and drug addicted, prostituting to pay for her fix. At 40 she got into recovery but quickly replaced her pursuit of drugs with the pursuit of a man, who she ultimately married. That should be enough lessons for one person, but her husband came out to her as trans, which sent Allison into a relapse before she recommitted to recovery and to healing.
Guest Bio For Allison Doss, what started as the life of a party girl in her 20s, ended as a drug addicted alcoholic prostitute at the age of 40. God‘s gift of desperation came in the form of another drug addict, who jumped her and cut her face and instilled fear that she knew existed. She began the journey to recovery at 40. She met a man, fell in love and got married. And just when she thought that she had created a life that was predictable and stable, her husband confessed to her that he thought he may be transgender. Nothing rocked Allison to her core like the love of her life not meeting the expectations for the marriage she had planned for them. Her story is that of transformation of surrender and self discovery. She found freedom in letting go of control of others and allowing them to walk their own path without her interference.
Turning 40 and Going from the Streets to Safety to Shock and AweIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie talks to Allison Doss, who moved from a farm in Louisiana to Washington DC when she was 17. She was recruited to be a stripper, which she thought was quite glamorous and made her a lot of money. That career introduced her to a party lifestyle and she eventually evolved into a high-priced escort, flying around the world on private jets. But the party didn’t last forever. She didn’t realize that she had slipped into addiction and, by the time she was 35, she was homeless, into heavy drugs, and prostituting herself to pay for them. Nobody knew where she was and she didn’t want to be found.
Allison is honest about the turning points in her life, including losing custody of her children, living on the streets, and a violent encounter that eventually led her to seek recovery at the age of 40. When she entered recovery she met her “new drug of choice” - a man she would pursue vigorously and who would ultimately become her husband.
She reflects on the process of making amends, reconnecting with her children, and the challenges she faced when her husband came out as transgender. This revelation sent Allison into a relapse, which she would blame on her husband. Recovery and healing led her to a deeper understanding of herself and the concept of control. This is the story of how she found her way back and healed her relationships, most importantly the ones with herself and her children and the lessons learned about life, expectations, and the release of control.
“I thought there was something wrong with me,” Allison said. “So I went on this journey to dissect the fabric of my own cloth to discover what's wrong with me. And, of course, there was nothing wrong with me.”
Guest ResourcesConnect with Allison on Instagram
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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Karl Beckstrand was exposed to gay sex at age 8 by a male peer. Because of that experience at such a tender age, Karl developed a dysfunctional relationship with sex. He became hypersexual from that first encounter at age 8 until he was about 40, at which point he went to the other extreme and became a recluse for a decade. Here, he tells the story of how he learned to get his emotional needs met in a healthy way.
Guest Bio College media instructor Karl W. Beckstrand is the best-selling author/illustrator of twenty-seven multicultural/multilingual books (60 e-books—reviews by Publisher’s Weekly, Kirkus, The Horn Book, and School Library Journal). Raised in San Jose, California, he has lived abroad, earned a B.A. in journalism, an M.A. in international relations and conflict resolution, and a broadcast & film certificate. His western novel, To Swallow the Earth, won a 2016 International Book Award. Beckstrand loves volleyball and singing (in rock bands or choirs). His Y.A. stories, e-book mysteries, immigrant biographies, self-help, Spanish/bilingual books, and STEM books feature diverse characters—and usually end with a twist. See: Amazon, Apple/iBooks, Baker & Taylor, Barnes & Noble, Follett, Ingram, Walmart, Target, and PremioBooks.com
Turning 40 and Embracing Intimacy Over SexIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, host Stephanie McLaughlin talks to Karl Beckstrand, who reflects on his early experiences with hypersexuality and his attempts to suppress his attraction to men. He discusses the negative impact this had on his relationships and his decision to become a recluse for 10 years. Karl eventually realized that he needs emotional connection rather than sexual encounters to fulfill his needs. He opens up about his deep and lasting friendships with men, which he describes as "bromances." Karl challenges some of the societal norms in the gay community and emphasizes the importance of meeting emotional needs in relationships. This episode offers a unique perspective on relationships and personal growth in midlife.
Highlights:
- Karl shares his early exposure to sex by a male peer and how it led him to act hypersexually along with his attempts to suppress his attraction to men.
- He discusses the negative impact of his out-of-control behavior on his relationships and his decision to become a recluse for 10 years.
- Karl realizes that he needs emotional connection rather than sexual encounters to fulfill his needs.
- He opens up about his deep and lasting friendships with men, which he describes as "bromances."
- Karl challenges societal norms and emphasizes the importance of meeting emotional needs in relationships.
If you enjoyed this episode, I’d be honored if you would rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast.
Guest ResourcesConnect with Karl on Facebook
Connect with Karl on Instagram
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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Joe Scales approached 40 wondering why he wasn’t happier. He had a job that paid well, two incredible kids and he had been married for 20 years. He wondered why he didn’t have “it” all figured out yet (when it seemed like everyone else did), which led him to questioning many of his decisions along the way. He realized that the problem was himself and his focus on questions that began with “why.” There were plenty of other questions that he could ask that might help him shake loose of his malaise, like: Who do I want to be? How do I get there? What do I need to feel fulfilled at the end of the day? Answering those questions, and spending an entire year saying “yes,” led Joe to a much better place.
Guest Bio Joe Scales grew up in Kansas and Oklahoma. He has two kids, 30 and 27 and was married to his high school sweetheart for 25 years. They eventually ended up getting divorced and he took a year to work on himself before he started dating again. He’s been remarried now for almost two years. Joe has worked in marketing and advertising for his entire career, including stints in Print, Radio, and Television. Today, he owns a poker media company that merges two of his favorite past times, marketing and poker. He publishes a weekly podcast and a monthly magazine that are dedicated to the everyday poker player. Both can be found at www.anteupmagazine.com.
Turning 40 and Saying Yes for a YearIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie talks to Joe Scales, who reflects on his early marriage and parenthood, the pressure he felt to make ends meet and how he started questioning his own happiness as he approached 40. Joe began to rethink his life choices; he had a burgeoning feeling of wanting to make a bigger impact in the world. At the suggestion of a friend, Joe committed to saying yes to new experiences for a full year. He discovered a passion for acting and found a new sense of fulfillment in giving back to others. Joe also talks about how important it was that he found a partner who allowed him to be himself and supported his personal growth.
Highlights:
- Joe reflects on getting married and starting a family very young and the pressure he felt to make ends meet.
- As he approached 40, Joe wondered why he wasn’t happier. He also felt a burgeoning desire to make a bigger impact in the world.
- Inspired by a friend, Joe said yes to new experiences and opportunities for an entire year.
- Joe discovered a passion for acting and found fulfillment in giving back to others through charity work.
- He emphasizes the importance of self-care and self-reflection in finding happiness and purpose in midlife.
- Joe discusses the significance of finding a partner who supports personal growth and encourages positive change.
Joe's story highlights the power of changing perspectives in finding happiness and purpose in midlife.
If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast.
Guest ResourcesFind Joe on Facebook
Find Joe on Instagram
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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John Lawyer spent more than a decade as a warrior in the Middle East and, upon his return to civilian life in the United States, struggled with his identity and how to engage with the world. He went from someone who was “important” in the desert - someone who directed where troops and airplanes went - to being just another person living in what he thought was a muted world that moved in slow motion. And then one night he woke up to a profound moment of clarity, some call it an awakening, that helped him see what he was meant to do in this next phase of his life.
Guest Bio From desert combat zones to a battle within, John Lawyer transformed from soldier to spiritual seeker. He acts as one of several guides for Kishar, a non-profit online spiritual community. This community is a place for people to share their journeys and explore their own unique spiritual path. John is an omnist and believes in the validity of most spiritual and religious beliefs around the world. He offers individual spiritual guidance and coaching services as part of the Kishar Spiritual Community.
Turning 40 and Transitioning From Warrior to CivilianIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie talks to John Lawyer, a military veteran who experienced a profound midlife transition. John talks about his journey from serving in combat zones for more than a decade to coming home and feeling stuck and disconnected. He discusses the challenges of reintegrating into civilian life and the toll that war took on his mental health. John also talks about his spiritual awakening and the importance of letting go and being open to the Universe. A middle-of-the-night moment of clarity when he was 40 helped him understand his purpose for the next phase of his life. He shares his passion for helping others on their own spiritual paths and discusses the nonprofit spiritual community he co-founded called Kishar.
If you enjoyed this episode, I’d be honored if you would rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast.
Guest ResourcesFind John on Facebook
Find John on Instagram
John’s offer for Forty Drinks listeners: Join the Kishar Online Spiritual Community OR get one-on-one Spiritual Guidance / Coaching
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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Welcome to Season 5 of the Forty Drinks Podcast. I’m kicking off the season with an exploration of transition versus change, which are entirely different things according to William Bridges, PhD in his best-selling book, Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes.
Transition vs. Change: Navigating the Midlife TransitionStephanie McLaughlin kicks off season five of the Forty Drinks Podcast by exploring the concept of transition versus change, inspired by the best-selling book by William Bridges, PhD, Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes.
The way William Bridges presents the two concepts, they are not the same thing at all. These two words are not interchangeable. A change, he says, is situational and external. It could be starting or leaving a job or relationship, having a baby, moving to a new place, the death of a parent, getting married or divorced, starting or buying a business, leaving the military, changing career, your kid going off to college. All these are CHANGES.
A transition is psychological and internal. It is the reorientation or redefinition of the self that you go through in order to incorporate these changes into your life. Unless this transition happens, he says, change doesn’t work.
Further, transition, as Bridges presents it, is a three stage process. First, there is an ending. Then there is a neutral zone. Then, there is a new beginning. He describes the subject of the book as: “the difficult process of letting go of an old situation, of suffering the confusing nowhere of inbetweenness, and of launching forth again in a new situation.”
These concepts, and more from the book, will provide a framework for the midlife transition that we’ll go back to throughout the season.
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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Stephanie Rose checked off a huge number of major life events in her early 30s, in a bit of a whirlwind fashion. She met and married her husband, bought her first home, gave birth two her two kids, and experienced the death of her mom. Then, at 39, she started a business and realized she didn’t really have a frame of reference for who she was any more and felt like she needed to get to know herself better. So she used exercises from Julia Cameron’s The Artists’ Way and then developed some of her own. Using these tools, Stephanie is reframing things from her past. Looking at harder moments and realizing she did the best she could with the tools and capacity at her disposal at that time.
Guest Bio Stephanie Rose empowers women to remember their magic through knowing themselves better and live a life that lights them up through mindset shifts, easy to try tips and giving themselves the permission they only think they need to change their lives. She shares ways to find the time to do more of what you love and reframe the way you live your life on her blog at FireflyScout.com and on Instagram and LinkedIn @FireflyScout.
Turning 40 and Rewriting My StoryStephanie Rose is a woman on a mission to help others know themselves better, believe in themselves, and take aligned action towards living a life that lights them up. In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie shares her journey of self-discovery and transformation in her 30s and 40s. She checked off a lot of the “adult boxes” in a very short period: mariage, house, babies, death of a parent, starting a business. Then she realized she really didn’t know who she was anymore.
From moving around as a child to finding her footing in Michigan, Stephanie reflects on the impact of her experiences and the importance of finding her true self. She discusses the significance of embracing her quirks and celebrating her own uniqueness. Stephanie also talks about the decision to leave her corporate job and pursue her passion for helping others, and how she navigates the challenges and fears that come with following her purpose. Tune in to this inspiring episode to learn how Stephanie has embraced her optimism and is empowering others to live their best lives.
Highlights from the episode:
- Stephanie's experience of moving around as a child and the impact it had on her sense of self.
- The power of journaling and morning pages in uncovering thoughts and feelings.
- Embracing quirks and celebrating uniqueness as part of self-discovery.
- The decision to leave a corporate job and pursue a passion for helping others.
- Navigating challenges and fears while following one's purpose.
If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast to stay up to date with future episodes.
Guest Resources "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron
Find Stephanie on Facebook
Find Stephanie on Instagram
Find Stephanie on LInkedIn
For Forty Drinks Listeners: Get Stephanie’s Firefly Scout Journaling Guide
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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Vince Kramer ignored three major wake up calls in his 40s, before the Universe - or whatever you prefer to call it - finally got his attention. First, he narrowly missed piloting one of the United flights on 9/11. Then, he experienced a major financial setback due to United Airlines declaring bankruptcy. And, finally, his marriage ended and he realized he needed to stop ignoring these signs and figure out what was missing in his life. That’s when his journey of self discovery really began.
Guest Bio An airline pilot, military veteran, transformational trainer and mentor, and Clear Conscious Channel, Vince Kramer brings a unique experience to the world of transformation and purpose-driven growth. His past experience in a stereotypically “macho” field brings a more integrated perspective to the softer field of personal growth not often seen.
As a speaker, teacher, guide and best-selling author of “Awakening Through Moments of Choice” with his wife and business partner Mary, Vince’s distinct combination of experience, education and research helps him develop powerful talks, workshops and online training in finding happiness and success by living life by their design.
A co-founder of Imagine Miracles, he passionately believes everyone is unique and the creator of their own life. It is his desire to inspire and empower men, women, organizations and families to find success and happiness by designing and creating a life fueled by their desires.
Turning 40 and Touched by an AngelIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie sits down with Vince Kramer, a former airline pilot who ignored three major wake up calls in his 40s, before the Universe - or whatever you prefer to call it - finally got his attention. Vince shares his powerful midlife transformation journey, which began with a wake-up call on September 11th, 2001. He recounts how this event, along with personal experiences, led him to question his life's purpose and seek a different path. Vince discusses how he discovered his true purpose and the importance of living life on our own terms. He also delves into the connection between science and spirituality and how they can work together to help individuals find their purpose. Throughout the conversation, Vince emphasizes the importance of listening to the calling within and being open to new possibilities.
Episode highlights:
- Vince's first wake-up call came on September 11th, 2001, when he narrowly missed piloting the flight that crashed in Pennsylvania. The event made Vince realize he wanted to live his life differently and pursue happiness while still achieving his goals.
- Vince initially fell back into his old habits and focused on financial security, but eventually realized he was missing something more meaningful.
- Vince's second wake-up call came when he experienced a major financial setback due to United Airlines declaring bankruptcy.
- Vince's third wake-up call came when his marriage ended and he realized he needed to find what was missing in his life.
- Vince's fourth wake-up call - this time a positive one! - came when he met his current wife, Mary, who introduced him to spirituality and helped him discover his purpose.
- Vince started receiving messages and guidance at night, which led him to channeling and a deeper understanding of purpose.
- Vince emphasizes the importance of being open to new possibilities and listening to the calling within to find one's purpose.
If you enjoyed this episode, please consider sharing it with a friend, or rating the podcast on your podcast listening app.
Guest ResourcesVince is offering 10 FREE Breakthrough Sessions to Forty Drinks listeners. Book yours here.
Vince and Mary’s book, Awakenings Through Moments of Choice
Vince and Mary’s podcast, The Miracle You
Find Vince on LinkedIn
Find Vince on Facebook
Find Vince on Instagram
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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Susie Castellanos Hansley is a first-generation Mexican American who was raised by her grandmother from the age of two after her mother died, along with her siblings and cousins. Susie found school was a refuge and something she was good at. She followed the school path straight through a Ph.D. and postdoctoral studies only to find that teaching didn’t suit her, which led to years of trying to find the right professional fit. She equated her value as a person with her ability to earn an income, so these years of wandering left her in a deep depression. It wasn’t until her late 40s that she realized that her childhood trauma was affecting her personally and professionally.
Guest Bio Susie Castellanos Hansley, Ph.D. is a speaker, workshop leader, and Master Certified Life Coach who helps high achievers reduce stress and achieve more success. She does this through one-on-one coaching as well as through speaking and workshop engagements for businesses, organizations, universities, and other groups.
As a high achiever herself - she’s a first-generation Mexican American, first in her family to go to college, earned an Ivy League Ph.D., and was a tenure-track professor - Susie had the drive, curiosity, and intelligence to be successful. But her anxiety, unresolved trauma, and imposter syndrome caused her to push herself too hard – and she burned out.
This experience led her on a quest: to help herself and other high achievers NEVER be undermined by stress again. When Susie learned about recent developments in NEUROSCIENCE and nervous system regulation, she had a EUREKA moment: “My stress, overwhelm, and imposter syndrome aren’t signs something is ‘wrong’ with me - I just hadn't learned HOW to work WITH my nervous system!”
Now that Susie knows how to REGULATE her nervous system and DE-STRESS, she helps other high achievers do the same - so they can achieve their goals while feeling GREAT doing it.
Susie’s clients go from anxious and stressed to confident, certain, and calm – which allows them to stop wasting emotional energy and become more productive, accomplished, and fulfilled in their work, relationships, and lives.
Turning 40 and Healing First Generation WoundsIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, host Stephanie McLaughlin talks to Susie Castellanos Hansley, a first-generation Mexican American who was raised by her grandmother from the age of two, along with her siblings and cousins, after her mother died. Susie didn’t understand how her childhood trauma was affecting her personally and professionally until the Covid lockdown. She was using the Clubhouse app to connect with other people and entered a room on anxiety that blew her mind. She asked, “Is it possible for you to have anxiety and not know you have anxiety?” She found out it was. That led her to uncover the trauma of growing up in poverty with an abuela who had her own unhealed traumas. Susie shares her journey of navigating various career paths, dealing with trauma and anxiety, and finding her passion in coaching. She discusses the importance of understanding the nervous system and how trauma can impact our lives. Susie also emphasizes the power of having a compassionate witness and finding your “pack” of supportive individuals.
Highlights from the episode:
- Susie's journey of academic achievement and trying many different careers, plus her feelings of failure that led to a 15-year midlife slump.
- Confusing her value as a person with her ability to make money.
- The realization that she had trauma and anxiety and the importance of finding a compassionate witness.
- Discovering the power of the nervous system in healing trauma and understanding triggers.
- The role of shame in suppressing emotions and the importance of un-shaming ourselves.
- Finding your “pack” of supportive individuals who can be compassionate witnesses.
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend, or consider rating the Forty Drinks Podcast.
Guest ResourcesFind Susie on Facebook
Find Susie on Instagram
Find Susie on LinkedIn
Susie’s Gift to Forty Drinks Listeners: Which High Achiever Archetype Are You? (Personality Quiz)
The Stress Less Coach
Topics Mentioned in our ConversationForty Drinks episode with Mitch Webb, or Episode 73 on the podcast platforms
Information on the Human Givens School
What are Human Givens?
Human Givens therapy approach
Susie’s former trauma therapist - Colleen Sodano
Irene Lyon - nervous system healing
Irene Lyon - resources
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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Birgitta Visser kept making the same mistake over and over again in her romantic relationships. She had an acute case of what she called “doormat syndrome,” which meant she didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but that meant she would compromise well beyond what was reasonable in her relationships. That left her “walking in her own shadow,” neglecting her own feelings and needs until she was the one who got hurt. The roots of this behavior lay in childhood experiences of abuse and loss and a lifelong lack of confidence in herself. It wasn’t until hitting rock bottom for the second time at 42 that she started to figure out how to love herself.
Guest Bio Birgitta Visser is Soul Empowerment Coach, Divine Channel and Light Language Healer, Speaker and Author of the book BE-com-ing Authentically Me, delivering messages from the many Light BEings, and Master Teachers to the aid of humanity. Her life path has been anything but conventional, but Birgitta's story serves as a beacon of hope and inspiration to others.
She says, "There is nothing that cannot be overcome, for what we think, we create and thus manifest within our own lives. To heal ourselves, we must first learn to love ourselves. If we cannot love ourselves, how can we ever heal ourselves, embracing the wholesome, loving nature that represents our truest self? At any given moment, we have the power to change, to heal and to overcome.”
She hopes that people will awaken to what life is all about, and is simply here to offer her words as food for thought in unlocking their own potential to BE-com-ing authentically themselves.
Turning 40 and Stop Making the Same MistakeIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, host Stephanie McLaughlin interviews Birgitta Visser, a woman who has experienced a lifetime of trauma and transformation. Birgitta shares her story of abuse, loss, addiction, and healing, and how she has learned to cultivate joy and find happiness in her own life. From her early experiences in the modeling industry to her tumultuous romantic relationships, Birgitta faced many challenges but has come out stronger and more resilient. Through holistic healing modalities, Birgitta found a path to self-discovery and self-love. Despite the hardships she weathered, Birgitta remains optimistic and grateful for her experiences, recognizing that they have shaped her into the person she is today.
Highlights from the episode include:
- Birgitta's experiences in the modeling industry and her struggles with confidence.
- How the loss of her stepfather sent her spiraling into a period of drug use and bad decisions.
- Two separate rock bottom experiences, at 35 and 42, both the result of toxic romantic relationships.
- How she received a death threat from the Dutch version of The Crips gang.
- Her journey of holistic healing and self-discovery, and her newfound sense of happiness and fulfillment.
Birgitta's story serves as an inspiration for anyone who has faced trauma or hardship and is seeking a path to healing and personal growth. It’s a testament to the power of resilience and self-love in overcoming life's challenges. If you enjoyed this episode, please consider rating the podcast and sharing this episode with a friend!
After listening to the episode, you might be wondering how can I learn to love myself?
Learning to love yourself can be daunting, especially if you have strong negative self-talk running in your head all the time. If you're constantly putting yourself down, it's hard to find yourself lovable. In one of my reflections episodes, I described an exercise for combatting negative self-talk.
Once you get a handle on that negative energy clouding your perception of yourself, you can begin the process of learning to love yourself. Justin Schenck described how he worked to achieve all the external markers of success, thinking that would make him love himself. But combatting limiting beliefs and focusing on his inner thoughts were the things that ultimately helped him learn how to love himself.
Guest ResourcesBirgitta’s YouTube channel
Find Birgitta on Facebook
Find Birgitta on Instagram
BE-com-ing Authentically Me: Lighting the Spark of Inspiration Back into the Heart of your Luminous Soul BEing
Learn more: https://www.powersoulhealing.com/
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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As mother-daughter relationships go, Renee says hers with her mom was pretty good, but she never felt like she had permission to be herself. When she was a girl and her mom would make a dress, she’d make a smaller one in the same style and pattern for Renee. Her mom liked bright colors and patterns and Renee would have preferred more unobtrusive clothes. Renee wanted to fit in but her mom wanted her to stand out. Renee says she often thought the first line of a book on her life would be : "When I turned 40, I lost my mother and began to find myself."
Guest Bio After 40 years on a diet, yo-yoing up and down the scale, Renée Jones had learned every diet – and every cheat – before finally stopping the comfort and stress eating to shed “those last 30 pounds” yet AGAIN in 2012 but this time, she has maintained at her goal weight. Now as a professional speaker and coach, she helps others overcome their self-sabotage to shed their weight AND keep it off.
Renée has a Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Counseling, a Clinical Residency, and training in contemporary methods of transformation. Her book is What’s Really Eating You: Overcome the Triggers of Comfort Eating
Turning 40 and Facing your Stuff so you Don't have to Stuff Your Face In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie talks to Renee Jones, a coach and former hospital chaplain, about her midlife transformation. Renee shares her journey of self-discovery after the loss of her mother, which led her to break out of the mold she had formed in and embrace her true self. She shares her experience with emotional eating and how she broke the cycle. Renee emphasizes the importance of facing your fears and finding ways to get what you need in a healthy way. Throughout the conversation, she offers insights and advice on healing the heart and living a bigger life. Don't miss this inspiring episode filled with wisdom and self-reflection.
Highlights from the episode:
- Renee's experience of losing her mother and the impact it had on her life.
- How Renee found the freedom to be herself and explore new possibilities after her mother's passing.
- The role of coaching in Renee's personal growth and transformation.
- The connection between emotional eating and finding alternative ways to fulfill emotional needs.
- Renee's journey as a coach and speaker, helping others heal their hearts and live their best lives.
If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast.
Guest ResourcesFind Renee on Facebook
Find Renee on Instagram
Renee’s Bonus Offers for Listeners
What’s Really Eating You?: Overcome the Triggers of Comfort Eating, by Renee Jones
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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Jo Ann Fawcett was heavily influenced as a child by the image of the happy family from the TV show Leave it to Beaver, which left her with some - perhaps unreasonable - ideas of what a marriage should look like, but her upbringing left her without the tools to build a successful one. Jo Ann was married seven times and experienced abuse, divorce, and death of her spouse. Her last marriage, to an inmate, lasted 20 years. Now, she’s sharing her hard-earned lessons with the next generation, the most important being: you are enough.
Guest Bio Jo Ann Fawcett is a native Californian now living in Portland OR. She has a thriving bookkeeping practice called Jo Ann Richards Bookkeeping. She is the mother of a grown daughter and proud grandmother of three. Jo Ann dramatically changed her life after seven marriages that included abuse, divorce, death, and being a prison wife. She left the Mormon Church after 30 years and never looked back. She found her strengths, gifts, and inner power, learning that dreams do come true. Midlife Magic, a memoir, is her first book. She is currently writing a second book, The Prince Was Wrong. Jo Ann welcomes opportunities to share her story with audiences that serve women feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and ‘stuck’ in their relationships.
Turning 40 and Marrying an InmateIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie interviews Jo Ann Fawcett, a woman who had multiple marriages including a long-term relationship with a partner in prison. Jo Ann shares her journey of growing up with the idealized image of a happy family from the 1950s, influenced by shows like "Leave It To Beaver," and how that influenced her life choices. She discusses her experiences with codependency, marrying multiple times, and the challenges she faced in her relationships. Jo Ann also talks about her personal growth journey, therapy, and the importance of taking care of oneself. She offers advice to her younger self and shares the wisdom she has gained as a wise woman in her 60s.
Highlights from the episode include:
- The impact of idealized images of family from the 1950s on Jo Ann's early life choices and expectations.
- Jo Ann's experiences with codependency and the challenges she faced in her relationships, including an abusive marriage.
- The decision to marry a man in prison and the lessons she learned from that relationship.
- The importance of self-care and knowing one's own worth.
- Jo Ann's advice to her younger self, including the importance of being employable, saving for retirement, and embracing one's own identity.
Check out this episode to hear Jo Ann’s advice to her younger self and other young people from her perspective and her hard-won experience. And, if you enjoy this episode, please rate, follow, and review the podcast.
Guest ResourcesJo Ann’s book Midlife Magic
Connect with Jo Ann on Facebook
Connect with Jo Ann on Instagram
As mentioned: Steph’s appearance on Old Chicks Know Shit:
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Dana Diaz was born to a teenage mother who didn’t want her and grew up with a stepfather who was verbally and physically abusive. She left home as soon as she was legally able to and swore that nobody would ever treat her like that again. When she was 19, Dana met a man she didn’t like very much but she was lonely and starved for attention - and he was from a Leave it to Beaver kind of family. She fell in love with his family and assumed that his behaviors were due to being young and immature. Within a month of their first date Dana had moved in; five years later they got married and two and a half years later they had a son. Dana was 27 and that’s when things really started getting bad.
Guest Bio Dana S. Diaz is a wife, mother, and author of the best-selling book GASPING FOR AIR: THE STRANGLEHOLD OF NARCISSISTIC ABUSE. Dana has had life-long experience with narcissistic abuse, beginning in childhood. Her education in journalism and psychology at DePaul University in Chicago gave her the ability to accurately verbalize and express how narcissistic abuse creates confusion and conflict within victims, so that she can help other victims know they are not alone and better understand their own circumstances.
Today, Dana is a proud voice for fellow victims who are unable, afraid, or ashamed to share their experiences. She strives to create awareness and understanding to ensure victims are given the support they need to first understand their situation and then begin the healing process. Her first book, chronicling her own abusive marriage that lasted nearly three decades, started as a journal that she hid under the couch cushion in the basement.
Dana lives with her husband in Illinois and is in the process of publishing the prequel and sequel to GASPING FOR AIR.
Turning 40 and Surviving an Abusive MarriageIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie interviews Dana Diaz, the survivor of an abusive relationship. Dana shares her harrowing story of living with an abusive husband for 25 years and the toll it took on her physical and mental health. She discusses the financial, emotional, and physical abuse she endured and the isolation she experienced. Despite the challenges, Dana found the strength to leave her abusive marriage and rebuild her life. She talks about the importance of self-care and surrounding herself with positive influences. Dana also reflects on the impact the abuse had on her son and her hopes for his future. This powerful episode highlights the importance of recognizing and escaping abusive relationships and finding healing and happiness in midlife.
Highlights from the episode:
- Dana's experience of financial, emotional, and physical abuse in her 25-year marriage.
- The impact of her husband's controlling behavior and isolation on her mental health.
- The role of self-care in Dana's healing process and finding her own happiness.
- The concern for her son and the hope that he will break the cycle of abuse.
- The importance of surrounding oneself with positive influences and supportive relationships.
In this powerful episode, Dana shares her journey from surviving abuse to finding healing and happiness. Her story serves as a reminder of the strength and resilience of survivors and the importance of breaking the cycle of abuse. If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast.
Why are abusive relationships hard to leave?
Nobody sets out to enter an abusive relationship but once we realize how bad things have become it’s hard to find a way out. This is because abusive relationships are about power and control - the abuser wants all of it. Behaviors that may seem chivalrous or caring become controlling. Behaviors that start out seeming immature calcify and bloom into violence. By the time we realize how far things have gone, we feel shame about letting them get that far, as if it was our choice. Toby Myles was a grown woman, divorced with two kids when she started dating someone she thought was the polar opposite of her first husband. Rachel Isabela moved to South America with her husband and ended up isolated and dependent on him before things got bad. The bottom line is that it’s not your fault and there’s help available. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7/365. Call them at 800-799-SAFE; chat online at The Hotline.org; or text START to 88788.
Guest ResourcesDana’s Book: Gasping for Air: The Stranglehold of Narcissistic Abuse
Find Dana on Facebook
Find Dana on Instagram
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
Though he knows he came to the understanding late in life, Paul Zolman realized at age 35 that he was responsible for his own actions. He had residual anger from being abused as a child and he blamed his father even though the man had been dead for 7 years already. His initial approach to solving his problems came from a negative perspective, “I don’t want to be angry” instead of focusing on what he did want. He says double negatives only work in math, not in relationships. He found that focusing on the negative only amplified the problem and his anger ultimately caused the demise of his first marriage.
Guest Bio The author of love is God. In His wisdom, He placed us in a variety of circumstances that require us to find our way back to His pure love. So, what qualifies Paul Zolman to speak about love? His childhood experience is the opposite of love. From an austere beginning, and the distaste it formed inside him, he searched for and eventually created a method that transformed his life from anger to loving everyone. Growing up in a family of abuse, physical touch became his preferred love style, only because of the regularity. He could almost count on it. It was consistent. He came to think that was the way to express love. But deep inside, he knew that was a twisted belief. He wanted a better life for himself, which is why he created a paradigm shift that works. Learn what helped Paul Zolman move from a childhood boot camp of abuse to being a person who loves everyone and can find good about anyone in any circumstance. This is truly the role of love.
Turning 40 and Taking Responsibility for My ActionsIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie interviews Paul Zolman, who shares his midlife journey from anger to love. Paul grew up in a household filled with anger and abuse, which led to him carrying that anger into his own adult life. It wasn't until he reached the age of 35 that he realized he needed to take responsibility for his own actions and stop blaming his father for his social awkwardness and anger issues. Paul tells the story of reporting himself for child abuse and attending anger management classes, which led to him developing a dice with the five love languages to shift his focus from anger to love. Through this transformation, Paul was able to improve his relationships, communicate better with his children, and find forgiveness for his parents. This episode is a powerful exploration of personal growth and the power of choosing love over anger.
Highlights from the episode:
- Paul's realization at age 35 that he needed to take responsibility for his own actions and stop blaming his father.
- The negative approach Paul initially took to try to overcome his anger, and how he shifted to a more positive and loving mindset.
- Paul's experiences with destination dating and how he eventually found love through a connection made by his sister.
- The impact of Paul's anger on his first marriage and the importance of communication and love in relationships.
- The creation of the dice with the five love languages and how it helped Paul shift his focus from anger to love.
If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast.
Guest ResourcesThe Role of Love, bundle package (book, journal & cube) for only $29.99
Find Paul on Facebook
Find Paul on Instagram
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
When she was 35, Diane Woodford was living a pretty picture. She was married with two kids and a dog, living in her dream house, and driving a minivan to her dream job. She had no idea that everything was about to blow up. She says the next decade was when she transitioned from a caterpillar to a butterfly. But first, she had to make some decisions that not everyone would agree with but ultimately led to both her - and her family - thriving.
Guest Bio
Diane is a retired critical care nurse, instructor, author, podcaster, philanthropist, world traveler, one-love ambassador, mentor, wife, mother, and nana. Diane has a heart for serving humanity and raising the vibrations in whatever space she enters. Diane and her husband Charles are on an incredible journey of being love in action wherever they feel called to go. They call it their "Go Where I Send You Journey."
Turning 40 and Emerging from the CocoonIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie interviews Diane Woodford, a woman who has experienced multiple transformative periods in her life. Diane shares her journey of going through a divorce and leaving her children behind to start a new life on her own in California, and finding the courage to heal unresolved issues with her father. She discusses the importance of trusting oneself, giving oneself grace, and surrendering to the shifts and changes that life brings. Diane also talks about her ongoing journey to reach her dream of going to Paris and the unexpected adventures and achievements she has unlocked along the way. This episode is filled with wisdom, inspiration, and a reminder to embrace the journey and trust the process.
Highlights from the episode:
- Diane's realization that her marriage was coming to an end and the feelings of discomfort and out-of-sync that led to their separation.
- The importance of uncovering and addressing unresolved issues, such as Diane's relationship with her father, to find healing and transformation.
- The courage it took for Diane to leave her children behind and start a new life in California, and the positive impact it had on both her and her children's growth and independence.
- The power of surrendering to the shifts and changes in life, and the importance of giving oneself grace during the journey.
- Diane's ongoing journey to reach her dream of going to Paris and the unexpected achievements and adventures she has experienced along the way.
Rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast if you enjoyed this episode!
Guest ResourcesConnect with Diane at the Paths 2 Transformation website
Diane’s book, Clearly Ready: See yourself in your next season
"When God Winks" by Squire D. Rushnell
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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Dai Manuel was in his late 30s and the cofounder of a successful fitness industry company when he realized that all the trappings of success that he was chasing were from someone else’s dream. The things and experiences that he saw his business mentor and co-founder acquire were what he interpreted as “success.” After 17 years in this company, he realized he was trying to live someone else’s life, which led to scary questions like: where am I supposed to be? And, what am I supposed to be doing? Those questions led him in a completely different direction than he expected.
Guest Bio Get ready to meet Dai Manuel - the ultimate super dad, husband extraordinaire, and all-around life enthusiast! Dai is on a mission to inspire and positively impact one million role models across the globe, encouraging them to lead a FUN-ctionally healthy life through education, community, and much encouragement.
As an award-winning digital thought leader and author, Dai has mastered leading by example, always staying true to his values of Fitness, Family, Faith, Finances, and FUN. He knows firsthand how challenging it can be to juggle life's responsibilities while prioritizing health and happiness.
But don't let his impressive resume fool you - Dai's infectious personality and contagious enthusiasm truly set him apart. He's a sought-after lifestyle mentor, executive performance coach, and keynote speaker who will leave you feeling inspired, motivated, and ready to take on the world.
Turning 40 and Hitting the RoadIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie talks to Dai Manuel, who explains that, as a child, he used emotional eating, video games and other distractions to cope with his parents' divorce, leading him to become morbidly obese unhappy and depressed. At the age of 15, he realized things would stay the same unless he did something, so he made a decision to change his life and embarked on a fitness journey that he continues to this day. At 17 he started drinking alcohol, which made social interactions much smoother. He continued with that until he was 32 and his wife asked him if he was acting like the kind of man he wanted his daughters to marry, which was a rude wake up call. He decided to go one year without drinking and realized just a few weeks in that he couldn’t do it without help. He talks about the importance of vulnerability, seeking help, and making positive lifestyle changes.
In his late 30s, Dai left a successful fitness industry startup that he co-founded when he realized that all the trappings of success that he was chasing were from someone else’s life. He and his wife quit their jobs, sold their stuff, packed their SUV with their two daughters and embarked upon five years of travel throughout North America and Indonesia before returning to Canada so their daughters could graduate high school there.
Highlights from the episode include:
- Dai's realization that he needed to make a change for his future
- His journey to becoming the fittest and healthiest version of himself
- The impact of chronic stress on mental and physical health
- The importance of non-negotiable self-care time
- And, the power of modeling and mentorship in personal growth.
In this inspiring episode, Dai Manuel shares his transformative journey of overcoming early adversity, prioritizing mental and physical health, and finding purpose and fulfillment off the beaten track. Listeners are encouraged to take steps towards their own well-being and to check out Dai's resources for further support. Don't forget to rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast if you enjoyed this episode.
Guest ResourcesDai Manuel, Your Lifestyle Mentor
Find Dai on Facebook
Find Dai on Instagram
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
In the year leading up to her 50th birthday, Jennifer found herself divorced, an empty nester, let go from her career, and bed-ridden with a stress-related illness. In the space of a year, all of her identities were stripped away from her and, most days, she couldn’t even get out of bed. That led to wondering what was wrong with her and why her life had crumbled when everyone else looked like they had it all together. She wondered, ‘if I'm not a wife, if I'm not a mother, if I'm not a corporate executive, then who am I?’
Guest Bio Jennifer Arthurton is the founder and creator of Old Chicks Know Sh*t, a community and a podcast designed to inspire and support midlife women in chasing their dreams and creating their kick ass next chapter. Jennifer is a former Fortune 500 marketing executive turned midlife mentor, podcast host, writer and speaker. Having survived her own midlife crisis and subsequent course correction, she has a passion for helping other women uncover the inherent power and wisdom of a time of life when they often feel overlooked and doubt themselves most.
Turning 40 and Shedding Old IdentitiesIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie interviews Jennifer Arhturon, who went through a transformative midlife crisis at the age of 50. Jennifer shares her journey of self-discovery and how she navigated the challenges of divorce, empty nest syndrome, and a stress-related illness that left her bedridden. She discusses the importance of listening to your inner voice and honoring your desires and dreams. Jennifer also talks about the mission behind her podcast, Old Chicks Know Shit, which aims to empower women in their 40s and beyond to embrace their wisdom and live fulfilling lives. This episode is a reminder that it's never too late to reinvent yourself and find happiness in the next chapter of life.
Highlights from the episode:
- Jennifer's realization that she was living a life based on external validation and the need to prove her worth.
- The wake-up call she received when her life fell apart at the age of 50, leading to a period of self-reflection and discovery.
- The importance of paying attention to the whispers and nudges of dissatisfaction, rather than ignoring them and having to deal with burnout and break down.
- Jennifer's journey of getting to know herself and uncovering her true desires and passions.
- The power of meditation and stillness in finding clarity and connecting with one's inner voice.
- Embracing creativity as a means of self-expression and fulfillment.
- The mission of Old Chicks Know Shit to remind women that they are more than their external appearances and to empower them to embrace their wisdom and share their gifts with the world.
If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast.
Guest ResourcesJennifer’s Special Offer for Forty Drinks Listeners: How to get unstuck and create your best next chapter
Old Chicks Know Shit Podcast
Old Chicks Know Shit on Facebook
Old Chicks Know Shit on Instagram
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
At 20, Mitch Webb fell out a second story window on the first night of his college study abroad program. The fall left him with a traumatic brain injury, panic attacks and insomnia. In the years since, he’s dealt with black mold toxicity, Lyme disease, heavy metals poisoning, diabetes, and major hormonal imbalances. He was in a car accident that left him with another TBI and then spent three years battling long-haul Covid. Through it all, he relied on aggressive treatments, biohacking, restrictive dieting and excessive exercise to try to heal himself, but it was always an up and down – until he learned about healing nervous system dysregulation, which is a much gentler practice that doesn’t offer immediate gratification but does act as the root cause of so many chronic illnesses.
Guest Bio Mitch Webb is a former Corporate Sales Executive turned Integrated Health Coach. Mitch discovered his passion for health and wellness after battling multiple TBIs, Lyme disease, chronic fatigue, diabetes, hormone imbalances, weight loss resistance, black mold and heavy metal toxicity. After visiting multiple doctors and not getting answers he was looking for, Mitch dove into the latest research and adopted a lifestyle that allowed him to heal.
Now, it's Mitch’s passion to work with executives who are sick, tired, and overweight so that they can feel their best and perform optimally. Mitch takes a holistic approach to optimal health by focusing on mindset, mental and emotional support, movement, nutrition and lifestyle choices that are unique to the individual so that they can improve their health and live the life they deserve. You can learn more about Mitch at mitchwebb.com or by following him on LinkedIn.
Turning 40 and Healing Your Nervous SystemIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie talks to Mitch Webb, a health and wellness enthusiast who shares his journey of transformation and healing in his thirties. Mitch opens up about his struggles with TBIs, anxiety, insomnia, Lyme disease, diabetes and hormonal imbalances, and how they led him to a variety of aggressive approaches to health and wellness. He discusses his experiences with restrictive diets, biohacking, and other aggressive modalities before he learned about the importance of understanding and healing nervous system dysregulation. Mitch also emphasizes the significance of trauma and its impact on our overall well-being. Throughout the conversation, he highlights the importance of listening to our bodies, being authentic, and finding joy in the journey of self-discovery.
Highlights from the episode:
- Mitch's experience with anxiety, insomnia, and hormonal imbalances.
- The impact of restrictive diets and biohacking on his health and well-being.
- The role of the nervous system in healing and overall wellness.
- The importance of addressing trauma and its effects on the body.
- Mitch's journey of self-discovery and finding joy in the process.
Resources mentioned:
- "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk
- Irene Lyon - somatic experiencing and Feldenkrais work
In this insightful episode, Mitch shares his personal journey of transformation and offers valuable insights into the importance of understanding and healing the nervous system. Listeners are encouraged to prioritize their well-being, listen to their bodies, and embrace authenticity. Don't forget to rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast if you enjoyed this episode.
How does early childhood trauma affect us as adults?
Early childhood trauma should be interpreted on a spectrum. It can come in many forms, from outright abuse and neglect, to simply not receiving the kind of response your unique mind and body desire in a certain situation, and it can cause a variety of responses in adulthood. For Mitch, it caused dysregulation of his nervous system, which became the foundation for many chronic illnesses over the years. Amy Tsai’s mom didn’t pick her up as an infant, which led to a lifelong feeling of frustration in her relationships, like she wasn’t getting what she needed. Martin Salama saw his six-year-old younger brother killed by a school bus in front of his home. That experience made him want to take care of his parents, to be sure they never felt like that again and led him to becoming a people pleaser for more than 30 years, until he realized that, by trying to make everyone else happy, he wasn’t making anyone happy - including himself.
Guest ResourcesFind Mitch on Facebook
Find Mitch on Instagram
Mitch is offering Forty Drinks listeners a free, introductory 1:1 call
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
Ryan Judd always knew he wanted to work with kids. Growing up, he took jobs as a camp counselor and babysitter. That led him through college and grad school into a career in music therapy serving children with special needs and autism. He experimented with creating a music therapy “package” that he could sell online. The project didn’t work but it led him to writing and releasing original, clinical-based music for people suffering from insomnia and anxiety. These projects were very successful and gave him the space to heed the calling he felt to make art.
Guest Bio Ryan Judd is a Billboard Chart Topping recording artist, award-winning musician, and internationally known music therapist. He is an accomplished fingerstyle guitarist and is committed to making music that inspires well-being. Ryan’s unique musical style on the nylon string guitar creates a warm and gentle soundscape for the listener. His recordings have been streamed more than 340 million times. As a board-certified music therapist, Ryan has had the honor of working with children with life-threatening illnesses. This has inspired him to donate a percentage of his profits to a non-profit organization called Lucy’s Love Bus which provides free music therapy services to pediatric cancer patients. Ryan is also the co-founder of the app, Cool Koala - Guided Bedtime Meditations for Children with ADHD and Anxiety.
Turning 40 and Letting Go of the Sure ThingIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie talks to Ryan Judd, a musician and music therapist who has transitioned from a music therapist to a successful musician in his 40s. Ryan shares his journey from working with kids to a career in music therapy, to producing clinical-based music for insomnia and anxiety, and eventually transitioning into the world of making music as art. He discusses the role of mentorship and courage in following his passions and taking risks. Ryan also talks about the importance of vision boards and goal setting in achieving success. The episode concludes with a discussion about Ryan's milestone of reaching 100 million streams on Amazon music and the unexpected turns his life has taken.
Highlights from the episode:
- Ryan's passion for working with kids and his journey into psychology and music therapy.
- The transformative experience of working with children with special needs and finding his calling in that field.
- Ryan's exploration into creating music for sale, and his transition from creating clinical-based music to pursuing his artistic vision.
- The role of mentorship and support in Ryan's journey and the importance of asking for help.
- The power of courage in pursuing new opportunities and overcoming insecurities.
- The success of Ryan's music on Amazon music and the impact of his work on listeners.
Resources mentioned:
- "The 4-Hour Workweek" by Tim Ferriss: A book that inspired Ryan to explore passive income streams.
- Cool Koala app: An app co-founded by Ryan that provides guided bedtime meditations for kids with ADHD and anxiety.
Ryan’s albums:
- Sleep Soundly
- Tranquil Guitar
- An Open Sky
Listeners are encouraged to rate, follow, and review the podcast.
Is ‘should’ a positive or negative word?
The people who tell us what we SHOULD do usually have our best interests in mind. They want to give us the path to success and - more often - safety. But “should” is a loaded word. According to the definition, the word is used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone's actions. And the bigger problem with “should” is that we can internalize those obligations or duties as the only “right” way to live our lives. But every one of those “shoulds” comes from outside our own heart and soul, which nobody else can fully know. In episode 3, Jaime’s friend asked when she was going to “stop shoulding all over herself.” And in episode 6, Eric talked about how our parents worked so hard to make sure we had opportunities they didn’t, and we could do things they couldn’t - and yet, many times, they tried to hold us to the same standards and timelines that worked for them.
Guest ResourcesRyan is generously offering Forty Drinks Listeners 20% off digital mp3 album or physical CD
Listening Link for New Album, Echoes of Peace (Includes all streaming platforms)
Music therapy website: www.TheRhythmTree.com
Cool Koala app website: www.CoolKoala.co
Find Ryan on Facebook
Find Ryan on Instagram
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
When Justin Schenck was in high school, he would have been a contender for the “least likely to succeed” superlative. He had a 1.7 GPA; his mom was in the middle of her 20-year battle with opioids and his dad was in jail. So how did he become a successful entrepreneur and podcaster and a coveted speaker? Between ages 19 and 30, when Justin was chasing all the things society told him he “should,” what he was really chasing was happiness. Then he realized that the version of happiness that he was chasing wasn’t real. The real lesson was that everything we’re searching for is internal but most of us are searching for it externally.
Guest Bio Justin Schenck is an entrepreneur, speaker and the host of the top rated podcast the Growth Now Movement. He has been named a Top 8 Podcaster to follow by INC Magazine, featured in Thrive Global and chosen as an ‘Icon of Influence’ in the new media space.
Justin’s podcast is currently played in more than 100 countries every week and he has gone on to help countless people grow their brands and business with his company PodBrand.io. He is also the host and creator of one of the go to events for entrepreneurs and forward thinkers: Growth Now Summit LIVE!
Learning How to Love Yourself Before Turning 40In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie talks to Justin Schenck, a successful entrepreneur and longtime podcaster. Justin shares his personal journey, from a difficult upbringing to finding success and happiness in his thirties. He talks about how he overcame limiting beliefs and adversities, and the importance of self-awareness in his transformation. Justin also talks about the societal pressures he faced in his twenties and how he realized that true happiness comes from within. He shares his daily practices for self-care and growth, as well as his perspective on turning 40 and embracing the next phase of life.
Highlights from this episode include:
- Justin's challenging upbringing and how he overcame the odds to become a successful entrepreneur
- The role of self-awareness in Justin's journey and how it shaped his mindset and actions
- The realization that external achievements and societal ideals don't guarantee happiness
- Justin's four daily practices for self-care and personal growth
- The importance of getting uncomfortable, surrounding yourself with the right people, and taking action to overcome limiting beliefs and challenges
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- Podfest: An annual podcasting conference that Justin and Stephanie both attend
- Andy Frisella, Real AF Podcast
If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, follow, and review the podcast.
After listening to today’s episode, you might be wondering, what’s self awareness?
Self awareness is being conscious of both our own behaviors and how we are perceived by others. In the context of the discussions on The Forty Drinks Podcast, self-awareness is what many people come to during their midlife transition. Like Justin, they realize that what they’ve been doing isn’t working and isn’t making them happy. Just knowing that you’re not happy is a sign of self-awareness. Serban realized that his life was fine - no better, no worse - and that he wanted more than that. Tara followed a path of shoulds straight through college and to a career that, while it may have been stable, dependable and well paying (just like her parents said), left her broken into a million pieces. Figuring out what it was that she wanted and what aligned with her heart and soul, was part of her journey of building self awareness.
Guest ResourcesFind Justin on Facebook
Find Justin on Instagram
Growth Now Movement podcast on Apple
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
Mindy Aisling was in her 30s and living her best life on the Olympic Peninsula in the Pacific Northwest. But when she was 35, Mindy and her son and husband were on the way to the pumpkin patch when an intoxicated driver crossed the center line and hit them head on. She spent three months in a hospital bed and several years recovering from the accident. In this conversation, she talks about what she learned from that experience.
Guest Bio Mindy Aisling is an ICF-Certified Authenticity Empowerment Coach who teaches people how to develop a strong sense of self and use the power of their authenticity to create a fulfilling life.
Turning 40 and finding a new identity based on your new realityIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie talks to Mindy Aisling, a woman who experienced a major life transition in her mid-thirties. Mindy's life was going smoothly until a car accident at the age of 35 left her and her son with serious injuries. Mindy shares her journey of physical and emotional healing, as well as her struggle with PTSD and anxiety following the accident. She discusses the importance of self-compassion and the process of grieving and letting go of past versions of herself. Mindy also talks about reconnecting with her true self and the changes she made to live a more authentic life. She emphasizes the need for self-care and the power of trusting and taking leaps of faith. Mindy's story serves as a reminder that even in the face of adversity, there can be growth and transformation.
Highlights from the episode include:
- Mindy's experience of the near-fatal car accident and the physical and emotional impact it had on her and her family
- The unexpected challenges of recovery and the journey of healing from a traumatic event
- The importance of self-care and building a strong foundation for emotional well-being
- The process of grieving and letting go of past versions of oneself
- The power of vulnerability and authenticity in building meaningful connections with others
- The role of resilience in navigating life's challenges and pursuing personal growth
- The importance of self-awareness and staying connected to oneself
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Mary Oliver's quote: "Someone once gave me a box of darkness, and it took me years to discover that that too was a gift."
In summary, Mindy's story is a powerful reminder of the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative potential of embracing life's challenges. Her journey of healing and self-discovery serves as an inspiration for anyone navigating a major life transition. Remember to rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast if you enjoyed this episode.
What is it like recovering from a major illness?
Like most things in life, our paths back from an injury or illness are unique to ourselves. While the physical issues may feel like a burden during the experience, it’s possible to shift your thinking to find silver linings and even valuable lessons. Mindy was a dancer who tore her calf muscle and had to give up the thing she loved. She found a way forward by finding a new way to use her body knowledge, transposing it into a new career. In another example, Kari calls her brain tumor the best case of bad luck because the tumor was completely benign, albeit huge. She did a lot of reflection during her recovery and made some decisions about how she wanted to live her life differently.
Guest ResourcesFind Mindy on Facebook
Find Mindy on Instagram
Mindy Aisling’s coaching website
Mindy on YouTube
Mindy on TikTok
Mindy on Pinterest
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
Thanks to a long-distance relationship that turned toxic after she got pregnant and moved to be near her partner, Aveline Clarke had to navigate a messy five years in her late 30s. During this time she was trapped personally and geographically with two of her three children, before she could get back onto the path of her life. She introduced - and vigorously refuted - the concept of “spiritual gaslighting,” as in, "you attracted him for a reason." She talks about how she found the strength and resilience to survive this difficult chapter of her life.
Guest Bio Aveline is the founder of Journey Point, where she assists businesses to connect meaningfully with their core customer while helping them to connect with their purpose in business. She is the host of the 6 Star Business podcast, and the Founder and Captain of the 6 Star Community starship that helps guide and empower 6 Star Entrepreneurs to bring their voice, genius, impact and purpose to the world. She's a mum of homeschooled twin boys, tends to a veggie garden, loves Formula 1 and plant based cooking, and took up surfing in 2021 to surf with her son.
Her journey has been an exploration of life and learning who she really is, and coming back to 'self'. Now she gets to share that with others and help inspire them to be more authentic and purposeful in business.
Turning 40 and getting a crash course in adulthood 2.0In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie talks to Aveline Clarke, who shares her harrowing story of being trapped personally and geographically during her late thirties and early forties. Aveline opens up about her relationship with a narcissistic partner, the birth of her twin boys, and the unraveling of her life after moving to be with her boyfriend. She recounts the emotional and financial struggles she faced, including a court order taken out against her by her partner and the subsequent legal battles. Aveline discusses the lack of support from friends and the fickle nature of relationships during difficult times. Despite the overwhelming challenges, Aveline persevered and found strength in personal growth and mindset work. Finally, she shares how she eventually escaped her situation and returned to Queensland with her boys.
Highlights from the episode:
- Aveline's realization that her partner was only interested in control of her and their twins and the unraveling of their relationship.
- The court order he took out against her that essentially trapped her, and her challenges in the Australian legal system, including a judge who was vocal about making “mincemeat” of her.
- The lack of support she experienced from friends and the fickle nature of relationships during difficult times.
- Aveline coped with her entrapment through personal growth and mindset work, which helped her find strength and resilience.
- The eventual escape from her situation and return to Queensland with her twin boys.
Aveline's story is a testament to resilience, gratitude, and the power of choice. If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast.
What are toxic relationship types?
Toxic or unhealthy relationships come in many forms and guises. Many times, we begin a relationship thinking the best of our new partner and ignoring red flags or warning signs. In this episode, Aveline didn’t learn her relationship was toxic until she was pregnant and had moved to be with her partner. In a previous episode, Toby thought her boyfriend was being thoughtful and caring when he asked her where she had been or who she had seen that day. She didn’t realize it was the first steps toward controlling behavior. Kari was in a different type of toxic relationship, where she had to make herself small so she didn’t anger her boyfriend, who she later married. Jenny was married to an alcoholic who couldn’t and wouldn’t get his addiction under control. Bottom line: any relationship in which you can’t be your full, true self is an unhealthy one.
Guest ResourcesAveline’s Free Offer for Listeners: Want to position your business 6 Star? Take the 2-minute quiz.
Find Aveline on LinkedIn
Journey Point website
6 Star Business Podcast
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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In her late 30s, Amy Tsai was frustrated she couldn’t achieve what she wanted in her business, which led her to meditation and introspection. Then she learned that her mom had made a conscious decision when she was an infant NOT to pick her up when she was crying. This information helped her unravel the feelings of frustration that had been showing up in her relationships her entire life. After working through these issues, she feels much less stressed - and characterizes stress as a belief system that can be changed.
Guest Bio Amy Tsai has been a health & fitness coach for women for 25 years. She has helped women lose their weight for good, get strong in their bodies and overcome their mental obstacles so they can live an energetic and fulfilling life.
Since turning 40, almost 14 years ago, she has been focusing more on helping women navigate through hormonal and physical changes along with their weight challenges as this can be difficult and sometimes feels like there’s no solution. But there are solutions to stubborn later-in-life weight. Just because women are older doesn’t mean they have to suffer in their bodies. No way! In fact, Amy believes in the opposite, you can reach all your weight-loss goals and live your best life yet.
Turning 40 and realizing it’s not my faultIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie interviews Amy Tsai, who shares her journey of self-discovery and personal growth, which led her to start her own business and overcome deep-rooted limiting beliefs and relationship patterns. She discusses the importance of mindset work and meditation in her transformation, as well as the impact of her earliest childhood experiences on her self-worth and relationships. Amy also talks about the power of emotional freedom and the role of stress in our lives. Throughout the conversation, she emphasizes the importance of believing in oneself and finding joy and happiness in life.
Highlights from the episode:
- Amy's earliest childhood experiences and their impact on her self-worth and relationships.
- The role of mindset work and meditation in Amy's journey of self-discovery.
- The importance of emotional freedom and overcoming deep-rooted limiting beliefs and patterns.
- How stress is linked to our beliefs and mindset, and ways to reduce stress.
- Amy's journey of starting her own business and finding joy in helping women.
Resources mentioned:
- Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz
- The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
- The Surrender Experiment by Michael A. Singer
This episode offers valuable insights and inspiration for anyone going through a midlife transformation. Don't forget to rate, follow, and review the podcast if you enjoyed this episode.
FAQDoes your relationship with your parents affect future relationships?
Abso-get-down-lutely! The way we interact with the world and the people in it is based on our experiences with our parents and caregivers in our formative years. We develop securely when our parents and caregivers show that they are paying attention to our basic needs from our first moments all the way through our childhood. Attunement is absolutely critical for us to develop a foundational feeling of safety and an understanding that we can trust the people closest to us. When these needs aren’t met, we are likely to develop what’s called early childhood or developmental trauma. And when these issues are left unresolved, attunement wounds can lead to serious interpersonal issues throughout our lives. When that attunement didn’t happen well, or where we have early or developmental trauma, we can have trouble in our relationships, from becoming a people pleaser to becoming a sex and love addict.
Guest ResourcesA special free gift from Amy: Master Food Cravings
Find Amy on Facebook
Find Amy on Instagram
The Good Therapy blog post I mentioned on attunement
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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In this episode, Stephanie interviews Rachel Isabela, a first-generation American, about her journey of healing and personal growth. Rachel shares her experiences growing up with an emotionally absent father and the impact it had on her self-worth. She discusses her tumultuous marriage and the moment she made the decision to leave for the sake of her son. Rachel emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and forgiveness in her healing process. She also explores the effects of 80s parenting and the lack of emphasis on children's emotional well-being. Rachel shares her approach to parenting and the changes she has made to prioritize communication and emotional awareness with her son.
Guest Bio Rachel is the top banana at Heal Sing Love where she helps fatherless daughters of physically or emotionally absent fathers create happier lives. Using her own experience as a fatherless daughter and her personal evolution towards healing, she teaches women to realize how powerful, loveable and worthy they actually are and always have been, no matter what they learned in childhood. She hosts two podcasts: Empowered Fatherless Daughters and GenX Ladies Say Anything.
Turning 40 and Forgiving an Emotionally Absent FatherIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, host Stephanie interviews Rachel Isabela, a first-generation American who shares her journey of healing and personal growth. Rachel discusses her childhood, marked by the emotional absence of her father, and how this led to seeking validation from others and engaging in emotionally promiscuous behavior. She shares her experience of a tumultuous marriage and the moment she made the decision to leave for the sake of her young son. Rachel delves into the importance of self-awareness and the process of forgiving her father and herself. She also explores the impact of growing up in the 80s and the lack of emphasis on children’s emotional well-being. Rachel also discusses her approach to parenting and the changes she has made to prioritize communication and emotional awareness with her son.
Highlights from the episode include:
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Rachel's realization at a young age that her father didn't like her and the impact it had on her self-worth
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The red flags she ignored in her marriage and the emotional and psychological abuse she endured
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How a diagnosis of gallstones led to her decision to leave her marriage and prioritize her son's well-being
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The importance of self-awareness in healing and personal growth
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Rachel's perspective on parenting style in the 80s and the lack of emphasis on children’s emotional well-being
Resources mentioned in the episode:
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"You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay
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"The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman
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"The Body Keeps The Score" by Bessel van der Kolk
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"When The Body Says No" by Gabor Maté
What are emotionally absent parents?
Emotionally absent parents are those who may physically be present in a child's life, but are unable to provide the emotional support, validation, and connection that children need for healthy development. This absence can manifest in various ways, such as a lack of attention, affection, or engagement with the child's emotions and experiences. Children who grow up with emotionally absent parents often struggle with low self-esteem, a sense of unworthiness, and difficulty forming healthy relationships. They may seek validation and attention from others, leading to emotional promiscuity or seeking surrogate parental figures outside of the family. This can result in a range of challenges, including difficulties with setting boundaries, making healthy choices, and developing a strong sense of self. The impact of emotionally absent parents can also extend into adulthood, affecting romantic relationships, friendships, and overall emotional well-being.
In another episode, Annette Copeland talked about how her mother didn’t have the emotional skills to communicate her needs, which resulted in a home environment that was emotionally unstable and communicationally fraught. And, Elle Nagy’s mother once told her “women in our family don’t get depressed.” So Elle thought, oops, sorry, and carried on.
Guest ResourcesRachel’s Special Gift for Listeners: 5 Simple Steps to Start Healing Your Heart
Connect with Rachel on Instagram
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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Deidre Harter’s second marriage was a harrowing journey of lies, fraud, and her husband’s imprisonment, all while she was raising their young son. It took seven years for her to realize she wasn’t satisfied and that she had a choice: either examine what’s going on and make some changes, or bury her head in the sand and keep going. She found the courage to ask the difficult questions: What is really true? What do you want? Where are we going? Deidre emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and embracing one's self-worth in order to make positive changes in life. Deidre was ultimately able to embrace her self-worth in order to make positive changes in her life.
Guest Bio Deidre Harter is a CPA who worked in public accounting as a small business advisor (basically a coach working for someone else) and tax consultant for 20 years. She moved into entrepreneurship 13 years ago and started her own coaching program shortly thereafter.
A few years later, she met her business partner through divine intervention, combined their "super powers" and founded https://encoreempire.com/ to help ambitious women scale their service-based online business without all the guesswork.
They do this through holistic business coaching where they help build the strategies, systems and support entrepreneurs need to create more consistent revenue while getting back their time. It's been rewarding to give so many the power of economic freedom. Deidre believes in building relationships with other women who have a similar mission to explore possibilities for collaboration or referral so we can change the lives of others together.
Turning 40 and Becoming VulnerableIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie welcomes guest Deidre Harter who shares a life-altering experience. Deidre discusses her journey through her first adulthood, where she followed the path that others had set out for her, and her subsequent transition into her second adulthood, where she started making decisions based on her own internal compass. She shares the challenges she faced in her second marriage, including her husband's arrest and imprisonment for wire fraud, and how she ultimately found the strength to leave the relationship. Deidre also talks about her shift into entrepreneurship and her current work as a coach and consultant for female entrepreneurs over 40. Throughout the conversation, Deidre emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and the power of embracing one's self-worth and talks about where she found hers.
Highlights from the episode include:
- Deidre's experience of the pressure to follow societal expectations
- The challenges she faced in her marriage and the turning point that led her to leave
- The impact of her life experiences on her personal growth and self-confidence
- Deidre's transition into entrepreneurship and her current work as a coach and consultant
- The importance of self-reflection and embracing one's self-worth
If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast.
FAQ
What causes personal growth?
Personal growth is an individual process, unique to each of us, but there are several elements that are common to many. The first is the impetus for personal growth. That can be triggered by either a major event, usually something painful, or by a feeling of discomfort with the status quo. Sometimes, people find themselves asking uncomfortable questions like, “Is this all there is?” The second thing that’s common to many people about personal growth is the deep practice of self-reflection, looking at past situations and reflecting on behaviors and choices that either led to that outcome, or that could have changed it. Angie Simmons’ personal growth began with coffee with a school friend she hadn’t seen in 20 years who gave her a CD that introduced her to personal development. And Tara McFarland felt like she was conditioned to make things work, even if it didn’t feel good for her. When that led to chronic health issues and a breakdown, she finally started to listen to her body - and her heart.
Guest ResourcesEncore Empire
The Encore Empire Podcast
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast Karel Chan discusses her journey to find peace and happiness. Karel shares her search for love and longing to become a mother, and how these desires shaped her relationships and decision-making. She discusses her formative adult years, the challenges she faced in relationships, and the inner child healing work she undertook to find self-acceptance and self-love. Karel also reflects on her decision to prioritize her own happiness and let go of the idea of having a traditional family, and how this ultimately led her to find a balanced and fulfilling relationship with her partner. This episode explores themes of self-discovery, healing, and finding peace in unexpected places.
Guest Bio Karel Chan is a happiness and mindfulness coach. She guides soulful women in connecting with mind, body, and spirit to discover their highest selves and purpose, so that they can live a happy and soul-driven life. She has healed multiple mental and emotional wounds and afflictions using mindfulness, authentic self-love, and unwavering self-compassion and it is her mission to help others do the same.
Turning 40 and Making Peace with Your PathIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, host Stephanie interviews Karel Chan about her journey to finding peace and happiness in her life. Karel shares her experiences of searching for love and longing to become a mother, and how these desires shaped her relationships and decision-making. She discusses her formative adult years, the challenges she faced in relationships, and the inner child healing work she undertook to find self-acceptance and self-love. Karel also reflects on her decision to prioritize her own happiness and let go of the idea of having a traditional family, and how this ultimately led her to find a balanced and fulfilling relationship with her partner, Derek. This episode explores themes of self-discovery, healing, and finding peace in unexpected places.
Highlights from the episode:
Karel's search for love and longing to become a mother in her twenties and thirties
The challenges she faced in relationships and her pattern of trying to "fix" broken partners
The importance of inner child healing and learning to love and accept oneself
The realization that her deep desire for motherhood was connected to her own journey of embodying pure love
The decision to prioritize her own happiness and let go of societal expectations
Finding a balanced and fulfilling relationship with her partner, Derek, after doing the inner work
I hope listeners will be inspired by Karel’s story of overcoming challenges, healing past wounds, and making peace with her path. Tune in to hear Karel's powerful insights and reflections on love, motherhood, and the importance of honoring oneself. Don't forget to rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast if you enjoyed this episode.
What does a woman’s desire to have a baby feel like?
The desire to be a mother comes in as many flavors as there are grains of sand at the beach. The Forty Drinks Podcast has shared a variety of stories about motherhood, including Tara’s desire to become a mother on her own at age 40 and Carey’s decision to become a mother despite her predisposition to mental health challenges.
Guest ResourcesKarel’s Gift to You: Love Your Self Well - A self-love and self-compassion intensive
Connect with Karel on Instagram
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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Stephanie McLaughlin kicks off season four of the Forty Drinks Podcast by exploring the concept of the "Ick" - that feeling of something not quite fitting in our lives as we approach or pass our 40th birthday. She shares her own experience and the mission of the podcast, which is to make it common knowledge that there is a transition most of us face around age 40 and to showcase different versions of that transition so that no one feels alone. Stephanie also previews the upcoming season and discusses the trends she has noticed in her conversations with guests.
Navigating the 'Ick': Stories of Transformation and GrowthWelcome to the Forty Drinks Podcast, season four! In this episode, host Stephanie McLaughlin dives into the topic of the "Ick" - that feeling of something not quite fitting in our lives as we approach or pass our 40th birthday. Stephanie shares her own experience and the mission of the podcast: to make it common knowledge that there is a transition most of us face around age 40, and to showcase different versions of that transition so that no one feels alone. She discusses the introvert-extrovert dynamic and how it impacts how we process information. Stephanie also gives a preview of the upcoming season and shares some of the trends she has noticed in her conversations with guests. Tune in to hear more about this transformative stage of life and the stories of those who have navigated it.
Highlights from this episode include:
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The concept of the "Ick" and feeling like something doesn't fit anymore
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The importance of trusting our own thoughts and feelings over external authorities
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The potential for minor adjustments or major life changes during this transition
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The impact of childhood experiences on adult lives
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The desire to find fulfillment, meaning, and alignment in life
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The role of intuition and self-reflection in making important decisions
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Embracing change and getting comfortable with uncertainty
Tune in to hear more about this transformative stage of life and gain insights from those who have navigated it.
If you enjoyed this episode, please consider rating, following, or reviewing the podcast.
Do you have the Midlife Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
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SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
Episode Introduction
AdaPia d'Errico experienced three major awakenings between her early thirties and early forties. The first was “who am I?” The second was “what the hell am I doing?” And the third was an awakening in her physical body. She discusses the concept of identity in addition to her struggles with cultural differences, societal pressures, burnout, and health issues. AdaPia emphasizes the importance of self-reflection, trusting the universe, and focusing on how she wants to feel. This episode offers valuable insights into personal growth, finding purpose, and embracing vulnerability.
Guest BioAdaPia d'Errico, is an entrepreneur, investor, advisor, and co-founder of Womxn of Wealth, an organization dedicated to empowering women to take wealth creation firmly into their own hands through brass-tacks financial advice, mentorship, community, and practical guidance on creating abundance at every level. WOW is more than a mastermind; it is a movement! AdaPia is a Principal at Alpha Investing, a real estate private equity firm where she oversees investor growth, communications, and marketing. She is also the General Partner of Bitcoin Mining Womxn, a pioneering digital asset syndication platform. AdaPia is a force for positive change in the world of finance and is passionate about empowering women to become stewards of personal and global wealth.
Turning 40 and Finding Purpose Through Ego Death In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie talks to AdaPia d'Errico, a FinTech entrepreneur and co-founder of Women of Wealth. AdaPia shares her journey of three major awakenings that occurred between her early thirties and early forties.
In her twenties, AdaPia moved to Europe and got married, but struggled with cultural differences and societal pressures. At 32, she experienced her first awakening, realizing she didn't know who she truly was. This led her to leave her marriage and return home to Canada.
At 38, AdaPia hit burnout in her career and experienced an ego death, questioning her identity and purpose. She explored spirituality and self-reflection during this time.
Her third awakening occurred at 41 when she experienced a relapse of Crohn's disease. Despite the physical challenges, she felt a deep sense of gratitude and love, and learned to trust her body and the universe.
AdaPia found integration and purpose through co-founding Women of Wealth, a group that empowers women in finance. She realized that her true purpose was to help women understand and take control of their financial futures.
Throughout her journey, AdaPia learned the importance of self-reflection, trusting the Universe, and focusing on how she wants to feel. She embraces the power of choice and shows up in the world with love and kindness.
This episode is a powerful reminder to listen to our intuition, embrace vulnerability, and find purpose in unexpected places.
If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast or - even better! - share this episode with someone you know who would enjoy it.
Sponsor
The Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
Guest ResourcesJoin the Women of Wealth Community
AdaPia D’Errico’s website
Do you have the Ick? Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from the Ick. www.fortydrinks.com/ick
Listen, Rate &...
Dr. Lisa Petty calls herself a “midlife alchemist,” who helps women navigate the big questions of midlife after arriving there with a sense of panic and uncertainty about her own identity and purpose. This led her to pursue a master's degree and eventually a doctorate focused on the wellbeing of women at midlife. She says the concept of “having it all,” introduced into the culture in the early 1980s by Helen Gurley Brown, the former editor of Cosmopolitan Magazine, quickly turned toxic. It went from an aspiration to a command. Having it all now meant doing it all. Lisa emphasizes the importance of tuning into our bodies, following our intuition, and embracing our own unique journey of self-discovery.
Guest Bio
Dr. Lisa Petty started her career as a holistic nutritionist and health researcher, and quickly became recognized as a speaker, journalist, award-winning author and media health expert. After several years coaching women who struggled to follow through on their health goals, Lisa earned a PhD for her research on how midlife women experience self-care in the face of the social pressures on them to be perfect in every facet of their lives. Her new book “Forget About Having It All: The Midlife Woman’s Guide to Creating the Life you Want” is a combination of research findings and Lisa’s own story of midlife self-discovery. Through a combination of research and channeled wisdom, Lisa now helps midlife women navigate midlife and create the life they really want.
Turning 40 and Abandoning the Toxic Concept of ‘Having It All’In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, host Stephanie speaks with Lisa, a midlife alchemist and holistic nutritionist. Lisa shares her journey from a soul-sucking career in finance to finding her true calling in holistic nutrition. As she navigated the challenges of raising a child with a heart defect, Lisa delved into the world of holistic health and became a teacher and coach. However, as her own children grew up and she faced an empty nest, Lisa felt a deep sense of panic and uncertainty about her identity and purpose. This led her to pursue a master's degree focused on midlife women and their relationship with food and wellbeing. Eventually, Lisa obtained her doctorate and became an expert in self-care for women at midlife.
Throughout the episode, Lisa emphasizes the importance of tuning into our bodies, following our intuition, and embracing our own unique journey of self-discovery. She encourages women to recognize the distractions and societal expectations that often hinder their wellbeing and to embrace their own power as creators. The episode concludes with a reminder to listeners to follow the glimmers of joy and authenticity in their own lives.
Highlights from the episode:
- Lisa's transition from a soul-sucking career in finance to holistic nutrition and a doctorate in the wellbeing of women at midlife.
- The challenges women face in taking care of their wellbeing and the societal expectations placed on them.
- The toxic concept of ‘having it all,’ first espoused in Helen Gurley Brown’s seminal 1982 book, “Having It All.”
- The importance of tuning into our bodies and following our intuition for self-discovery.
- How to recognize and embrace the glimmers of joy and authenticity in our lives as mini spiritual awakenings.
Overall, this conversation offers valuable insights and practical tips for women navigating the complexities of midlife and finding their true selves. If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast.
SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
Lisa’s Special Offer for Forty Drinks Listeners
Paula Conroy is an ex-banker turned entrepreneur who uses the ancient Indigenous wisdom of traditional Rites of Passage to help people make their way through the transitions we face at different points in our lives. After experiencing a dark night of her own soul, and working her way through the healing journey, Paula realized that she placed her power outside herself - in the job, the title, the achievement - to feel self worth. She realized she was even looking at turning 40 as another place to find self worth. She thought this was the age where she’d finally feel old enough to have a voice in the world.
Guest Bio
Paula is a transformational leader who supports women to transition from one stage of life to the next in a really healthy way. She uses the ancient wisdom inherent in traditional Rites of Passage processes to bring awareness to the elements that are required to ensure that these inevitable transitions in life are done well.
Paula's main focus is to support women to become aware of their fragmented parts, recognise how to heal these aspects of self, and bring them into wholeness, therefore discovering the possibility of moving powerfully into their next stage of maturity and into their full potency of Womanhood.
Paula spent 15 years in Senior Leadership positions within Global Banking, managing large, complex, multi-jurisdictional teams. She recognises the criticality of Conscious Leadership of Self as an essential capacity to cultivate, prior to taking on the responsibility to lead others. Feminine leadership capacities have been buried under the current culture and ways of training, and Paula is stewarding women through transformational journeys to discover this for themselves.
Turning 40 and Honoring the Magic of Traditional Rites of PassageIn this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, host Stephanie talks to Paula Conroy about her transformative experience around turning 40. Paula shares her journey of self-discovery and growth, starting from her early adult years working in banking to her transition into motherhood and entrepreneurship. She discusses the challenges she faced as a younger woman in a male-dominated industry and the internal struggles she felt in finding her place and feeling worthy. Paula also delves into the concept of archetypes, specifically the maiden, mother, and crone, and how they relate to different stages of a woman's life.
Stephanie and Paula explore the importance of developing a relationship with one's own mind and ego, and the need to create intentional space for introspection and self-reflection. They discuss the process of uncovering and integrating past traumas and experiences, allowing for healing and personal growth. Paula also introduces the concept of Rites of Passage and the role they play in guiding individuals through life's transitions.
The episode concludes with a discussion on the importance of feeling and how our current culture often discourages the expression and exploration of emotions. Stephanie and Paula emphasize the significance of building our capacity to be with our feelings and the positive impact it can have on our relationships and personal development.
If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, follow, and review the podcast. Your support helps us bring more incredible stories like Paula’s to our listeners. Until next time, Cheers! 🍸
SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communication
Additional ResourcesPaula’s Gift to You:Explore The Frequency Circles
Get to Know The...
For Sascha Siegmund, the month before his 40th birthday was a whirlwind of rapid change, from leaving a safe, stable job in finance with no plan to next steps, to a 10-day Buddhist silent retreat. After the turmoil of his job and leaving it unceremoniously after almost eight years, and the fear of what he’d do next, the silent retreat helped him find calm. Sascha said “in order to be healthy as an individual you have to become conscious.” Through our lives, beginning when we are children, we adopt behaviors and strategies to deal with the world. He said most people run on autopilot and if we want to think or act differently, we need to become conscious about the choices and decisions we make.
Guest Bio
Originally from Germany Sascha has lived in France, the Netherlands, Belgium & China and has traveled to many more countries especially in Latin America and Asia. After some 15+ years working in corporates and NGOs he now uses his natural curiosity, knowledge and experience as a Corporate Trainer, and Coach.
Being a discoverer of the inside & outside world Sascha is passionate about human potential as well as physical and mental well-being. During his career and life he realized that the limit to growth and development for both individuals and businesses is the human dimension. Driven to empower individuals to explore, discover and live their individual strengths Sascha supports his clients finding their authentic self, meaning and motivation. As a result they move from a ‘reaction’ to a ‘creation’ mode, becoming entrepreneurs of their lives.
Sascha works with companies and the European Institutions on leadership, communication, stress-management, organizational development in order to create environments where people can be their best.
Turning 40 and Becoming ConsciousIn this episode, I sit down with Sascha Siegmund, who shares his journey from working in financial compliance to discovering - and following - his true passion for connecting with people. Join us as we explore his life in Brussels, Belgium, his love for European culture, and his transformative experience at a 10-day silent retreat. If you've ever felt unfulfilled in your career and wondered what it would be like to take a leap of faith, this episode is for you.
Episode Highlights
- Sascha's Background: Learn about Sascha's upbringing in Germany, his studies in European culture, and his diverse career path.
- Career in Compliance: Understand Sascha's experience working in a financial institution and why it left him feeling unfulfilled.
- The Decision to Leave: Hear about the pivotal moment when Sascha decided to leave his job and the rapid transition that followed.
- 10-Day Silent Retreat: Dive into Sascha's experience at a 10-day silent retreat, where he reconnected with himself and found clarity.
- Turning 40: Reflect on the significance of turning 40 and the profound changes that came with this milestone in Sascha's life.
Sascha’s story is a powerful reminder that it's never too late to pursue what truly matters to you. If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, follow, and review the podcast. Your support helps us bring more incredible stories like Sascha's to our listeners. Until next time!
SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
Ikigai Coaching with Sascha
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Paul Padmore was made redundant from his position at a startup in London in his early 40s, which led to feelings of embarrassment, shame and failure that he harbored for a long time. Ultimately, he realized that the important part was “to be in the arena” and able to learn and grow. He said, “ If we don't try and if we don't experience these moments, then growth is negligible.” Paul pondered failure for more than a year before he ginned up the confidence to launch the My Perfect Failure podcast where he has conversations with people about failure, what it means to them and how they deal with it.
Guest Bio
Paul Padmore is a renowned social well-being enthusiast, best known for hosting the podcast, ‘My Perfect Failure’. Focusing on the principle that failure is never permanent, Paul aims to educate his audience about the benefits a positive mindset can have for both your career and personal life.
Turning 40 and Leaning into the Concept of FailurePaul Padmore joins us to discuss the profound lessons he's learned from failure. From being made redundant to finding resilience and growth in unexpected places, Paul's journey is a testament to the power of embracing setbacks. His insights into failure, success, and personal development are not only enlightening but also deeply relatable. Tune in to hear Paul's unique perspective on how failure can be a treasure trove of opportunity.
Episode Highlights:
- Redundancy and Personal Growth: Paul's experience of being made redundant from a startup, the feelings of failure, and the personal growth that emerged from it.
- The Concept of Failure: A deep dive into how failure is perceived, the stigma around it, and how it can be seen as a gain rather than a gap.
- Imposter Syndrome and Starting a Podcast: Paul's journey of starting a podcast on failure, battling imposter syndrome, and finding joy in connecting with others.
- Insights from Failures: How failures can be seen as opportunities for learning, personal and professional development, and the importance of being in the arena.
- Stephanie's Experience with Redundancy: Stephanie shares her own experiences with being made redundant and the lessons learned from those situations.
Thank you for joining us on this enlightening conversation about failure, growth, and resilience. Paul's insights remind us that setbacks are not the end but rather a beginning to new opportunities and personal development.
If you enjoyed this episode, please don't forget to rate, follow, and review our podcast. Your support helps us continue to bring you compelling conversations and valuable insights.
SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
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Brene Brown, Daring Greatly
Dr. Benjamin Hardy,
Indra Rinzler is a healer and a teacher who has studied spiritual modalities for more than 50 years. He mainly works with astrology and Enneagram of Personality, which he explains in this episode. Indra shares his unique journey of self-discovery that started at the age of 24, which he believes helped him avoid a major life transition around the age of 40. As an astrologer, Indra can identify the cosmic ingredients that led him to not buy into any of the “shoulds” or other conditioning passed on from his family and society. That allowed him to live what he calls his “true life” and avoid the crash so many of us face around 40.
Guest Bio
Indra Rinzler is a lifetime spiritual seeker. He’s a healer, teacher, and offers life readings for clients. Astrology and the Enneagram of Personality are the main modalities that he shares. He’s been studying astrology and spirituality for fifty years. He first learned of the Enneagram of Personality in 1999. He uses these two modalities individually and in combination. His focus is to help clients to wake up to who they really are. He works to help people to live beyond their conditioned stories and to live more in the moment.
Turning 40 and Using Astrology and Enneagram to Understand Your PersonalityIn this episode, I had the pleasure of sitting down with Indra Rinzler, a spiritual guide who has spent more than 50 years on the spiritual path. Indra's unique perspective on life, spirituality, and personal growth is both enlightening and thought-provoking. If you've ever wondered about the spiritual path, astrology, or the Enneagram, this episode is a must-listen.
Here are some of the key highlights from our conversation:
- Indra shares his unique journey of self-discovery that started at the age of 24, which he believes helped him avoid a major life transition around the age of 40.
- We delve into Indra's upbringing and his decision to forge his own path, which led him to astrology and understanding the influence of conditioning on our lives.
- Indra discusses his approach to business, emphasizing authenticity over marketing and the importance of attracting the right people to what he does.
- We explore Indra's deep connection to numbers and how this relates to his work in astrology and the Enneagram.
- Indra provides a fascinating breakdown of spiritual awakening at different ages, offering insights into the unique challenges and breakthroughs that can occur at each stage of life.
- Finally, Indra explains his approach to guiding people onto the spiritual path, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness, observing one's own behavior, and understanding personal patterns.
Indra's wisdom and insights provide a unique perspective on the spiritual path and personal growth as we face a potential reckoning of identity around age 40. If you enjoyed this episode, please remember to rate, follow, and review our podcast. Your feedback and support are greatly appreciated.
SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
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When Carey Kirkella got pregnant at age 40, she had already been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and had survived two manic episodes, which - for her - are brought on by stress and lack of sleep. She knew she was predisposed to have postpartum mental health issues, so she worked to put a preventative care plan in place - most of which fell apart during labor, delivery and the aftermath. She ended up slipping into another manic episode and went to a maternal postpartum facility where she was separated from her newborn baby for about 10 days. Carey shares this story, along with how these episodes have helped her uncover her life purpose and create a spirituality practice that works for her.
Guest Bio
Carey Kirkella is an award-winning photographer and the creator of The L.E.N.S. Method™ creative photography workshops with a focus on personal growth. In addition to her programs, she works with purpose-driven brands, creating powerful story-telling images that help them share their messages with the world. Carey is passionate about mental health, motherhood, messages from the Universe, and connecting with others who are on a mission to help improve our world. She currently lives in Brooklyn, NYC with her husband, 5 year old son and their sweet rescue dog.
Turning 40 and Using Mental Health Challenges and Resilience to Uncover a Life’s Purpose In this episode, I had the privilege of speaking with Carey Kirkella, a talented photographer and a brave woman who shared her deeply personal journey through postpartum issues caused by bipolar disorder, and her spiritual experiences. Carey’s “forty story” is a testament to the power of resilience, the importance of mental health awareness and advocacy, and the strength that comes from sharing our stories.
Episode Highlights
Carey's Bipolar Disorder Journey: Carey shared her experiences with bipolar disorder, which she prefers to describe as being a highly sensitive empath with a touch of psychic ability. She had her first manic episode in her late twenties, triggered by post-traumatic stress and financial stress.
Premonition of 9/11: Carey worked as a photo editor and staff photographer for the Wall Street Journal, located across the street from the Twin Towers. She quit her job two months before the 9/11 attacks due to a strong premonition that the towers would come down.
Postpartum Issues: After giving birth to her first child at 40, Carey experienced severe postpartum issues. Despite her best efforts to put preventative measures in place, she ended up being separated from her newborn for 10 days due to postpartum psychosis.
Spiritual Experiences: Throughout her life, Carey has had profound spiritual experiences, including premonitions and connections with the spiritual realm. These experiences have played a significant role in her mental and emotional well-being.
Advocacy for Mental Health: Carey's journey has made her a strong advocate for mental health, particularly for women dealing with postpartum issues. She emphasizes the importance of sharing experiences and providing support for others going through similar situations.
Finding Purpose: Going through all she has helped Carey uncover her purpose. She’s a creative person and a photographer by trade and she’s bringing those skills together with self-development and spirituality to create workshops and programs that help other people use creative photography as a tool to develop their own emotional resilience and raise their vibration.
Mentioned Links and Resources
Carey Kirkella's Photography and Workshops
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch
If you enjoyed this episode, please remember to rate, follow, and review our podcast. Your support...
In a solo episode, Stephanie reflects on a recurrence of the Ick in her own life and what she’s doing to try to work her way through it.
Reflections: A Recurrence of the IckSometimes you can do the work, you can make it to the other side and build a life that suits you perfectly - and you can STILL have weeks or seasons that just don’t feel good. I’m in one now and I'll tell you about it in this episode.
SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
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After surviving a challenging childhood, David Richman achieved success as an executive at a Wall Street firm. His personal life, though, was a mess. He was a stressed out, overweight smoker with low self-esteem who spent most of his life trying to please others. While he learned many lessons in his professional life, he never thought to apply them to his personal life. Looking back, he says it’s amazing how much he accomplished in relation to how little awareness he had of himself. When that awareness of himself kicked in David says he was enthralled with the idea that he could actually matter. “Until you believe that you matter, you don't. And, I just didn't know that I mattered.”
Guest Bio
David is an author, public speaker, and endurance athlete whose mission is to form more meaningful human connections through storytelling. His first book, Winning in the Middle of the Pack, discussed how to get more out of ourselves than ever imagined. With Cycle of Lives, David shares stories of people overcoming trauma and delves deeply into their emotional journeys with cancer. He continues to do Ironman triathlons and recently completed a solo 4,700-mile bike ride.
Turning 40 and Recognizing the Person in the Mirror MattersIn this episode of the 40 Drinks Podcast, I had the pleasure of talking to David Richman, a man who transformed from an unhappy overweight smoker to an endurance athlete. David's story is a testament to the power of self-reflection and the will to change. His “forty story” is filled with lessons about self-worth, resilience, and the importance of taking care of yourself.
Here are some of the key highlights from our conversation:
- David's early life was marked by challenges and obstacles, some self-imposed and others a result of his upbringing. Despite these difficulties, he managed to become an executive at a major Wall Street firm by his early thirties. However, his personal life was a stark contrast to his professional success. He was overweight, a smoker, and in an abusive relationship.
- A conversation with a friend served as a wake-up call for David. His friend pointed out that David was the problem in his life, not the people or circumstances around him. This prompted David to take a hard, honest look at himself and his choices.
- David began to question his decisions and his lifestyle. He realized that he had been living his life trying to please others rather than focusing on his own happiness and well-being.
- David's journey to self-improvement began with a commitment to quit smoking and lose weight. He decided to become an athlete, a goal that seemed far-fetched at the time but would later become a reality.
- David started his journey towards becoming an athlete by buying a pair of running shoes and gradually increasing his running distance. He later participated in half and full Ironman races, 50-mile runs, 100-mile runs, and a 5,000-mile solo bike ride.
- Realizing that no one else is watching or judging him was both freeing and empowering.
David's story is a powerful reminder that it's never too late to change your life. His journey from an overweight smoker to an endurance athlete is a testament to the power of self-reflection, determination, and the will to change.
If you enjoyed this episode, please remember to rate, follow, and review the 40 Drinks Podcast. Your support helps us bring more inspiring stories like David's to our listeners.
SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communication
You might like: David's book, "Winning in the Middle of the Pack," in which David describes how to push...
Tara McFarland followed a path of shoulds straight through college and to a career that, while it may have been stable, dependable and well paying (just like her parents said), left her broken into a million pieces. Her journey back to herself passed through a spiritual awakening and some ‘woo woo’ stuff she wasn’t quite sure her analytical mind believed in. Despite that, she finally felt like she was in a flow, versus constantly fighting what was happening around her. She started thinking of the ‘woo woo’ stuff akin to God and religion. Feeling connected to something larger has helped her get more grounded, even though it sounds like it wouldn't necessarily do that.
Guest Bio
Tara is a catalyst for change in the engineering industry. She challenges the status quo of societal norms, helping her clients unlock the gifts they buried long ago under layers of expectations of how one “should” be as an engineer.
Her journey back to herself began when she burned out of her 20-year civil engineering career landing on her living room floor shattered. Recognizing she was deeply unhappy and completely out of alignment, she chose to lean into support from people around her, unleashing a life-changing emotional and spiritual awakening.
Guiding her clients with understanding and compassion, Tara creates a sacred space to examine their old stories and create new ones. Bridging the worlds of analytical thinking and intuitive flow, they learn to embrace all of themselves, unlock their gifts and lead with audacity.
Turning 40 and Realizing the Crushing Power of the Wrong PathTara McFarland worked as an engineer for the government department that owned and operated dams in the western United States making sure that the dams are safe for the people who live below them.
She wasn’t a typical STEM student. She was an artistic kid, a ballet dancer and she loved to read, though she was good at math. Her family was very science oriented. Her parents are both geologists and, as the oldest of four, Tara felt that it was expected that she would follow a science or engineering path. Her parents encouraged her to pursue engineering because it was a stable, dependable career; she’d always have a job and get paid well.
Her course of study at the Colorado School of Mines was grueling and it was during that period that she picked up a habit of perfectionism. She went from being a straight A student to a C student and felt like it was a constant struggle to get through the material. She says she put on blinders and climbed straight up the achieving ladder, from bachelor’s degree to master’s degree to jobs where she could continue to achieve and advance.
By her 30s, though, she had found a balance in the engineering world and a niche that fit her. In her early 40s she got promoted to a program manager, her first non-technical role and one that she thought would continue her professional advancement. However, she was missing key communication and leadership skills and there wasn’t enough support or training available to ensure her success. Instead she started to realize she felt like a square peg in a round hole.
Most of her career, she struggled with feeling like an imposter despite positive performance reviews. Internally, she was a wreck. Externally she had her armor and put on a good facade of knowing what she was doing. She was aggressive because she felt like she always had to prove herself. And she thought there would come a day and a position where she’d finally feel effective and then she would be happy. She was constantly searching for signs of worthiness in her job by pursuing promotions.
Tara says we’re conditioned to make things work, even if it doesn’t feel good for us.
During this time, Tara was having chronic issues with her neck and shoulders. Her childhood love of ballet led her to be a Jazzercise...
Before becoming a champion for the podcasting industry, Larry Roberts had dreams of becoming a martial arts champion. A child of the ’80s and a fan of “The Karate Kid,” ninjas and the movies of Jean-Claude Van Damme and Steven Segal, he vigorously pursued karate and, later, mixed martial arts. That dream was crushed by limitations from a birth defect that should have killed him by age 4 but didn’t. He replaced his pursuit of sports glory with a vigorous pursuit of drinking and partying. By the time he turned 40, he was stuck in a dead end job and deep in alcoholism and felt like life was pointless. But at 41, he reached out for help and went to rehab. Today, he works as hard as he ever did, but now it’s to elevate podcasters instead of crushing opponents.
Guest Bio
After burning out in the corporate world, Red Hat Media founder Larry Roberts took a dive into a new realm of opportunities. His goal was simple: to find excitement in what he was doing every day.
He found it in droves.
Since 2014, Larry has been making himself a household name within the podcasting industry, speaking on stages of national and global trade events including Podfest Multimedia Expo and Podcast Movement, hosting shows that reached the top 1.5% of podcasts, and being named to Podcast Magazine’s 40 Over 40 in Podcasting.
With technology and media changing faster than many can hit play, Larry and his team have committed themselves to staying at the forefront of the industry. Larry is aptly seen as a thought leader in the AI space, teaching workshops and hosting speaking engagements to help creators utilize new technology, and will continue to push business owners out of their comfort zone and into a chapter of innovation and growth.
Turning 40 and Outgrowing Cobra Kai Energy 🐍Larry Roberts was born with an inverted sternum that would have suffocated him before age 5 if he hadn’t had reconstructive surgery. Because of this, his childhood was pretty sheltered. He went to private school for most of his life, except for two semesters - one in eighth grade and one in high school, both of which ended up in fights and drove him back to private school.
Admittedly, Larry has always had a mouth on him (which is what makes him a great podcaster) and it got him in trouble almost everywhere he went.
It being the early 1980s, a teenage boy would have been influenced by the Karate Kid, the emergence of ninjas in Western popular culture and the movies of Claude Van Damme and Steven Segal. Larry thought, if he could only fight, then he’d be able to solve all his problems. So he started studying karate and has experience with a wide variety of martial arts. Through his teens and twenties he studied and taught karate.
When the UFC debuted in 1993, Larry knew he wanted to go to the “big show.” He wanted to be a professional fighter so he trained with the best coaches he could find and fought in a handful of low-level professional fights.
He was on his way to a professional fight, the biggest fight of his career, and the night before the match he was training with his coach when another coach walked by and said seven words that changed his life, “your cardio is a bit suspect, bro.”
Larry was crushed because he had invested everything into being ready for this competition. Because of his birth defect, his lungs had not developed normally, which left him with about 60% lung capacity.
Larry ended up pulling out of that fight. But he went home and told everyone he had won because he couldn't face the prospect of letting people down or not meeting expectations. Fighting had become his whole identity for about 20 years and it was ripped away that night.
He went through an extreme identity crisis, which led him to start partying. He became the guy who hosted the big parties for every pay-per-view UFC event. He was still...
Sandy Demarest and her husband built their life in a small, quintessentially New England city that is objectively lovely, but it never felt like “home” to Sandy. Despite her best efforts over the course of a decade to make it work, she became unhappy enough that her state of mind was affecting her family. She and her husband decided to uproot themselves and start over again three hours away. And as she was driving the U-Haul to the new house, Sandy found herself wondering, and worrying, “what if it’s not better there?”
Guest Bio
For more than 25 years, Sandy has worked in career development, coaching and training with leaders and professionals embarking on their next life and work role. Her focus is supporting people midlife and beyond to proactively chart their future to envision a fulfilling destination beyond full time work and family responsibilities. Bringing people together to create a meaningful next chapter is a large part of Sandy’s work. Whether clients need a trusted partner, a group dedicated to each person’s success or a community of like-minded seekers, she creates the right environment, so you don’t have to do this alone She truly believes in living with intention and purpose; helping her clients to discover their purpose, connect with values and bring their dreams to center stage. As the founder of Demarest Directions, a coaching and training business, Sandy is a Certified Career Management, Executive Leadership, A Strengths Based Coach and Retirement Options Coach with a focus on transitions, retirement lifestyle coaching, and aging well with purpose and vitality!
On the personal side, Sandy lives in Amherst, NH with her husband of 38 years and chocolate lab pup, Shelby. She loves spending family time with her three grown daughters and granddaughter!
Turning 40 and Learning the Importance of PlaceSandy Demarest was newly married in the late 1980s in southern Connecticut where the average cost of a home was $1 million. The young newlyweds weren’t sure how they would ever get to own their own home, so they started looking elsewhere. After a weekend visit to Burlington, Vermont, they wondered if that would be a nice place to set down their roots.
They moved to a neighboring small town with a sense of adventure and the will to make things work. She found out she was pregnant. They survived some financially lean years. They bought a condo, had twins and finally bought that house they had talked about years before.
Busy with kids and settling into their first home, Sandy started to get a very quiet nagging feeling that, much as she loved her house, it didn’t feel like home. Winters were long and very dark. Burlington is one of the cloudiest cities in the country. She felt isolated and had trouble making friends, despite having little kids and plenty of opportunity to connect with other young moms. She didn’t feel the sense of community. But she thought, “I’m in this really cool, hip palace. I should like it. What’s wrong with me?”
Over the next three to four years, Sandy poured herself into different activities and different ways to connect with people and the community, but nothing quite worked. She started to think - and occasionally talk to her husband - about moving, but that felt impossible since he had built his business there. She tried hard to make it work, but the disconnection started to create some real problems for her. Usually a positive person, she became very unhappy and her state of mind started to affect the family.
Sandy and her husband made a plan. Her husband looked at different opportunities in his industry within driving distance of Burlington so he could build new clientele but continue to service the business he had worked so hard to grow. They knew the transition would be challenging financially while her husband built up a new local clientele, but they decided to go for it....
Annette Copeland says she graduated from the school of hard knocks because she couldn’t learn any of life’s lessons the easy way but that was because her mental/emotional toolbox had broken tools in it. After a challenging childhood, Annette got pregnant at 16 - on purpose - and married her boyfriend as a way of exerting some control over her life. She left the abusive marriage at 18 and spent the next 20 years trying to prove that she wasn’t a teen-pregnancy statistic. She worked hard to make it look like she had it all together, while judging anyone around her for things she thought indicated they didn’t have their lives together. Finding the right tools and learning how to use them changed everything about how she shows up in the world.
Guest Bio
Annette Copeland, ND is the author of "Dragonfly Into The Light." After her own journey of recovery from self-neglect and toxic patterns, Annette felt compelled to raise awareness about trauma and emotional abuse. She combines awareness and solutions while encouraging individuals to break repetitive cycles and generational patterns. She believes it’s essential to recognize behaviors that cause repetitive patterns in order to practice emotional self-regulation. Annette encourages everyone to look into their own experience in a way that will allow them to recognize and release behaviors that evolved from past experiences to create a life of peace and fulfillment.
Turning 40 and Breaking Generational CursesAnnette Copeland’s childhood was bumpy. Though her parents divorced when she was young, her dad was around off and on because her mom would allow him back when her one-person income wouldn’t support the family. As a child, her father had been diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease and told he wouldn’t live past 18 so he lived his life like he was on fire and without regard for consequences. That didn’t leave much room for emotional intelligence or care for how his lifestyle and behavior affected the other people in his life. Her mother didn’t have the emotional skills to communicate her needs, either, which resulted in a home environment that was emotionally unstable and communicationally fraught.
As a teenager, Annette didn’t know how to manage her own emotions or communicate effectively which left her feeling like she had to compensate. That resulted in her becoming an overachiever and an overpleaser. She didn’t understand what love felt like.
To assert some control over her life, Annette got pregnant at 16 - on purpose - and married her 20-year-old boyfriend. It turns out she jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire. The abuse she suffered at the hands of her husband was not what made her leave. It was when he started turning that abuse on their two-year-old that she found the courage to leave at 18.
She lived the next 20 years of her life trying to prove that she wasn’t a teen-pregnancy statistic and that she was the straight A student who deserved all the things she never made it to because she chose to get pregnant. She worked hard to make it look like she had it all together, while at the same time judging anyone around her for things she saw or thought indicated they didn’t have their lives together. She found herself in a vicious cycle without the tools to break herself out of the cycle.
By the time she was 30, her health had declined. She went to the doctor and told him she thought she had rheumatoid arthritis because she Googled it and he said, “ok. Here are some pills.” She took those for five years, but they didn’t seem to help. She finally decided she didn’t want to do that anymore and her doctor said, “well I never thought you had rheumatoid arthritis anyway; I just didn’t know what else to do with you.”
From there, she pursued knowledge on natural remedies and how to eat healthier. And she ended up with a job in marketing for a chiropractic office, which furthered...
April Provencher checked off most of the “adult accomplishment” boxes by the time she was 22 - married, babies, career but she might have gone too far, too fast because she rebelled in her late 20s. She realized she didn’t know who she was as a person and she wasn’t happy in her skin. She went to a meeting of a personal development group to appease her best friend, but it ended up leading her down a path of growth and figuring out who she is. Today, she says “my soul’s on fire 95% of the time.”
Guest Bio
April Provencher was a young mom who grew up quickly. In her late 20's I realized that she had no idea who she was or what she was doing, which led to some very dark times. She pursued progression and growth through her 30's and that’s when the magic started.
Turning 40 and Setting Your Soul on Fire🔥April Provencher had her first son when she was 17. By the time she was 22, she was married with two kids and a career - all the seemingly adult things we’re supposed to strive for, but she was too young for it all. At some point, as her boys got older, she reversed course and lived out some of the typical early 20s behaviors in her late 20s.
She used to say she lived life backwards, but she’s come to realize that made her feel like a victim of circumstance, so now she says she lived life the way she was supposed to.
In her late 20s, April started to become very uncomfortable with herself. She identified as a mom, as a wife, as a restaurant manager, but not as herself. She says she grew up so fast that she never met herself. Her marriage fell apart and she spent several years living with her mom or her best friend. All she knew is that she wasn’t happy in her skin and she didn’t know who she was.
Her best friend asked her to go to a support group meeting for a personal development group. She went, albeit unwillingly. She had a bizarre yet transformative experience that first night and about a year later decided to take their weekend-long course, called Identity. She can’t recall what was taught in the class but she knows she absorbed at least some of it because she started seeing changes in her life and in her attitude that started small and then began to snowball.
After a while she realized she didn’t need to feel bad or lost anymore. She got little reminders that she could be ok, which were helpful because, she says, “when you’re stuck, you don’t feel like you can be ok.” She called them ‘small bursts of light’ that would encourage her to stay on the path. To be kinder to herself and others. To find things that made her happy. That was the snowball effect because now, April says “my soul’s on fire 95% of the time.”
It wasn’t an easy path, though. April was stuck in the “Ick” for what felt like a long time, and the path out of the “Ick” also felt like a long time. She learned to lean on people and let them support her. She learned how to lean on herself. She took advantage of resources that were available, from the Identity support group, to acupuncture to energy healing.
Today, she’s 40 and she wants to have some fun. She does good things for herself regularly. She has her own space and she’s focusing on her career. She’s turned into a beacon for others who find themselves stuck. She reminds people that they don’t have to stay stuck or sad and that there are people like her out there who can support them. She also knows - now that she’s unlocked the door - that growth is ongoing.
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In a solo episode, Stephanie reflects the tools of personal growth. When people talk about “the tools” they use in their personal growth journeys, there isn't a standard set of tools that nobody told you about, and you can’t get them at any store. With personal growth and breaking habits and cycles, “tools” can feel a little esoteric. Let’s make it more concrete.
Reflections: The Tools of Personal GrowthI was editing an upcoming episode recently and there was a lot of talk in it about “tools.” When people talk about personal growth, they often talk about tools and I think that shorthand can be frustrating or oblique for people who aren’t yet familiar with the lingo of this arena.
When people talk about personal growth and development, the word “tools” feels so esoteric because these tools are not hammers and screwdrivers and reciprocating saws. You can't break habits with a hammer.
Listen to this episode if you want to get some insight into the “tools” and the “toolbox” of personal growth.
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In her early 40s, Sarah Gale realized she often felt anxious in her clothes, despite a long career in the fashion industry and knowing how to put an outfit together. She looked great but felt insecure in many situations because she was allowing the situation or event she was dressing for, or the person she was going to meet, to dictate what she wore. She was dressing for others and how she thought they would react to her versus dressing to embody her true self. She realized that, in her wardrobe, she was still catering to external authorities, which left her on shaky ground.
Guest Bio
Former Project Runway Australia judge turned spirit activist, Sarah Gale migrated from the competitive fashion-industry pioneering the journey into the aesthetics of the soul. She is an Accredited Coach and Founder of Wearing Your Worth®, a revolutionary program created to enable women to gain greater insight into their psychological relationship with their clothes and use their wardrobe as an embodiment tool that is congruent with their sovereign self. A mother of two, Sarah is passionate about living an authentic life and continually honing her willingness to live a life that embodies love, courage, and pleasure. She writes from experience and shares from her heart.
Turning 40 and Learning How to Tune Into - and Trust - Your Inner VoiceSarah Gale had an out of body experience when she was six years old that has stayed with her for her entire life. A voice said to her “there is more to life than this.” Even at such a young age, Sarah interpreted that as more to life than what we can all see - more than just the external.
Life went on pretty normally until she was in her late 20s. She woke up one day and that voice was back; it said, “it’s time.” For the next 10 years she went on a deep dive into who she really is, which included separating from her then-husband. But she felt like she was leading a double life. There was her career in the fashion industry and there was her personal development pursuit, which she kept separate from each other.
In her early career in the fashion industry, Sarah found that there were things she just knew without being told or taught. They just came to her. But she didn’t trust herself to rely on that inner knowing. She explained it away as a skill or a talent, essentially discrediting that the knowledge was her inner wisdom.
Between a job that had her traveling all over the world and single motherhood when she was home, Sarah ran her body down. Her adrenals were shot; she had chronic fatigue. And she was feeling more and more like she had to reclaim who she really was. Then, at age 42, she had a near death experience, which really brought home the fact that she needed to slow down. Things lined up for her to be able to take 6 months off and reconfigure her life to fit who she really was - and that’s when synchronicities started showing up in her life.
The producers of Project Runway Australia asked her to audition to be a judge on the show, which she got and did for two seasons. This raised her profile in the industry and allowed her to start connecting her profession and her personal development pursuit.
Sarah calls the forties a “fertile time” both internally and externally. We build self trust and we rebirth or reclaim the feminine energy within us. We move from trusting the external reference points and other people to trusting our own knowledge and experience. We become the authority of our own lives.
Despite all this growth and exploration, Sarah realized that she still felt anxious in her clothes, despite a background in fashion and knowing how to put an outfit together. She looked great but she felt insecure in many situations. She realized it was because she was allowing the situation or event she was dressing for, or the person she was going to meet, to dictate what she wore....
Turning 40 and Learning to Respect YourselfAnthony Gonzalez spent several years in his early teens taking care of three younger siblings and a younger cousin after his mom and aunt started using drugs. He and the younger kids ultimately moved in with their grandmother where he first encountered what it meant to be raised by a village of aunts, uncles and extended family. He followed some older relatives into the business of selling drugs, which ultimately led him to getting arrested and serving time in prison. It was there that he began to write, reliving and telling stories from his life. Much of that writing turned into his book, From Prison to Peace, The PLUSH Lyfe.
Guest BioAnthony Jae Gonzalez (aka Papi Jae) is Taking Steps Towards Peace Love Unity Success Happiness (PLUSH). My Goal is just to bring back those communities where people are capable to: Cultivate positive relationships, Practice self-care, Embrace forgiveness, Help others, Set realistic and meaningful goals, Practice gratitude, Embrace positivity & love their neighbor. Sounds easier said than done yet that's the goal & we aren't stopping till we there...
Turning 40 and Learning to Respect YourselfAt 13, Anthony Gonzalez was forced into the role of provider for his younger siblings and cousin after his mom and aunt started using drugs. Neighbors helped as much as they could but Anthony found it unbearable to keep food on the table for the younger kids. He made it work for several years and, when he hit his breaking point, a neighbor called an aunt for help. Shortly after, he and his siblings and cousin moved in with his grandmother.
It took some time, but Anthony learned to trust that someone would be there if something happened. He says that, as a young man, he didn't believe in much and he wouldn’t depend on anybody.
Anthony had never seen how a village comes together to raise children until he moved in with his grandmother and the Spanish side of his family. He may have lived with his grandmother, but all his aunts and uncles, and even the wider community, helped raise him and his siblings.
His childhood left a mark, though, and he made some bad decisions as a young man. He was tired of working all the time and still being broke. He figured he wasn’t going to use drugs, but he knew he could make good money by selling them. Some family members were already involved “on the streets” and they vouched for him and showed him the ropes.
He moved to upstate New York, which was a lucrative spot for someone in his business. But then things shifted. He started a small business as a contractor working with someone who owned multiple properties. He was in his first healthy romantic relationship. He had gotten back in touch with his son, who was six at the time. He stopped selling drugs and focused on his new situation. He was feeling good. Then he got arrested for conspiracy to distribute 5 kilos of crack cocaine and served five years in prison.
When he went to prison, initially Anthony was angry - really angry. But at some point he started writing, reliving and telling stories from his life. At first he thought it was a diary for his son - his story in his own words. But it became more; he couldn’t stop writing. He started feeling like he was taking weight off his shoulders, like he was putting down his burdens.
Every time he filled up a notepad, he’d send it home to his grandmother for safe keeping. Some of his writing he showed to his fellow inmates, who were encouraging. They eventually turned into a book. Then a second book. And two more are in the works.
Much of what he shared in his book, From Prison to Peace, The PLUSH Lyfe, is relevant for anyone looking to achieve peace in their life and in their mind. In this episode, we discuss his path from being a “bad guy” to being a “good guy” and what he’s learned along the way.
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Jem Fuller led a colorful, nomadic life for much of his 20s and 30s until it was time to grow up, settle down, and get a job so he could take care of his family. But the longer he was in corporate life and the higher he climbed on the ladder, the further he moved away from his core values, which led him to a pretty classic midlife crisis. The midlife crisis, however, led him to uncover some long-held subconscious beliefs that were holding him back. This is the story of how he got there, got through it and built the life that suits him perfectly.
Guest Bio
Jem Fuller has lived a colourful, global life. From barefoot backpacker to corporate leader, fire-dancer and traditional tattooist, a kindergarten teacher to motorcycle courier, masseuse and reflexology to labourer and travel consultant. Now his time is as a leadership coach and international retreat leader, dedicated partner and father. He is the author of the award-winning book, The Art of Conscious Communication for Thoughtful Men, and can be seen delivering his TEDx talk on YouTube.
Turning 40 and Brainwashing Yourself into Positive ThinkingJem Fuller says he had a pretty standard upbringing in a middle-class suburb in Melbourne Australia. In his last year of high school, his closest friend died, which shook Jem. When he finished high school, he wanted to get as far away from everything he knew as possible. He fell in love with travel and felt called to travel to far and wild places and to get off the beaten track. He spent his 20s and early 30s either traveling to strange and wonderful places or working somewhere to earn enough money to keep traveling.
When he fell in love with his wife, he told her he wasn’t done traveling. They ended up having a two and a half year working honeymoon before they moved back to Australia, settled down, had kids and tried to find a way to support a family. He was in his early 30s and he had no career, no qualifications other than traveling the world “bumming around.”
Because of all his travel experience, he got a job with a travel company and learned how to be a travel consultant. He put on a suit and tie every day, despite having always been much more alternative (even anti establishment at some points). But he took to it and spent the next 8 years climbing the corporate ladder and ending up in a senior leadership position at the company.
As he was driven to chase the revenue growth that all corporate leaders face, he found himself pushed further and further away from his core values and becoming increasingly unhappy. From an Instagram feed level, everything looked great. He had a beautiful wife, two healthy boys and a newly built house down by the beach. The tension between the internal Jem and external Jem ultimately led to a midlife crisis.
His marriage had been secretly unhappy and was falling apart. Then, he lost his corporate job, which included the paycheck he needed for the house they had just built on the beach. That meant he couldn’t afford the house, so he lost that, too. In the separation, he told his wife he didn’t want to fight over stuff so he said she could have it all. After they sold the house, there was debt, which he took because he didn’t want his wife to be burdened with it. The only thing he asked for was to go 50/50 with the kids.
Shortly before he lost his corporate job, there was a leadership retreat with an external coach. Jem was blown away. He thought the coach was more like a magician. Within half a day he had profiled the entire leadership team and understood what made them tick. Jem knew this was something he wanted to do, but thought he’d do it in a year or two, once the beach house was built and things were more stable. But life had different ideas. Two months later he was out of a job and the dominoes of his life were falling.
While friends and family were encouraging him to get another corporate job, Jem knew the Universe was giving him a sign that the path he was on wasn’t the right one. So he invested in studying coaching and getting his coaching practice underway. He knew he had to back himself.
Jem reframed his midlife crisis as a midlife awakening or midlife opportunity. It was then that he became aware of the subconscious beliefs that were limiting him. Jem realized that, throughout life, if he was becoming successful at something, he would sabotage it because - deep down - he believed he didn’t deserve it. He says our perception of the world is “flavored” by our beliefs and, if something is out of alignment with our beliefs, we will distort whatever we need to to come into alignment with those unconscious beliefs. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The good news, Jem says, is that we can flip the script and consciously “brainwash” ourselves to create new beliefs that are more aligned with who we are and what we want out of life. The really fun part comes when you start to believe those new beliefs because your mind will distort reality just as much as it did previously to match your new beliefs. Now, you’ll start to see opportunities where you hadn’t seen them before. The evidence will align as much with the new beliefs of success and happiness and “enoughness” as it did to prove the old, limiting beliefs.
Jem says life has gotten easier thanks to a whole host of habitual practices that have become daily for him including meditation, affirmation, perspective, introspection, contemplation, cold showers, exercise, moderation. No one thing makes everything easier. There is no silver bullet. But many, little 1% healthy habits, taken together, add up.
All of our suffering comes from our thinking and thinking about things in the past or future.If you can stay in the present moment, most of the time things are ok in the moment, which can bring some peace and respite from anxiety or suffering. Often, Jem says, suffering comes from the gap between our expectations and our reality.
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Anthony Moulton was making his way through his late 40s, living his very best life. He had a career that he loved with a company he loves and respects. He was involved with a nonprofit that he was passionate about. He loved traveling the world, exploring new places. And then - in the blink of an eye - everything changed. He had a seizure at work, which led to a diagnosis of four inoperable brain tumors. Today, his life is very different and his goals have changed dramatically. This is the story of an indomitable spirit facing the unknown with moxie.
Guest Bio
Anthony Moulton is 49 and lives in Washington DC. On August 23, 2022, he was presenting to a cardiology practice for a job that he loves, along with the senior leadership from the company, and his life changed forever. He had a seizure. A colleague brought him to the emergency room, where he had an MRI and learned he had four inoperable brain tumors in his right temporal lobe. He describes the diagnosis as a tough pill to swallow, but one that he came to terms with after losing a friend the day he was discharged from the hospital. After that friend’s passing, he realized he has the great gift of time, which not everyone gets. He cherishes every day and embraces the time he has to spend with friends and family.
Anthony Moulton is a graduate of Colby College and the Arrhythmia Technology Institute. He works for Rhythm Management Group in Washington, DC, monitoring implantable devices. He has volunteered for Project Pacer, based in Massachusetts, for more than 15 years. And he has performed in drag for more than a decade as Ms. Kitty Chanel Fairfield.
Turning 40 and Stepping into the Unknown with Grace and FortitudeIn his early 40s, Anthony wasn’t feeling like pieces of his life didn’t fit. He was more focused on what was missing. In his younger days, he loved and sought out beautiful things. But as he got older, he started prioritizing experiences - specifically travel - which he felt were longer lasting and also gave him access to different perspectives on life. He loved the memories of all the places he visited and he loved that his camera roll was filled with pictures from all his adventures.
He loves the thrill of the unknown, especially going places you’ve never been before. When he travels, he rarely makes an itinerary, leaving space for discovery, including bumping into friends on the other side of the world.
Anthony looks at his 20s as a period of defining who you are, getting your adult life set up, and finding the perfect (or not so perfect) job. In his 30s, he felt more self confident, more secure, and found something he was passionate about. He started traveling more and felt a sense of independence. In his 40s, he took a two-month trip around the world and then moved back to Washington DC, where he really wanted to be.
Then came the day, almost a year ago, where he was making a work presentation and had a seizure. Luckily, he works in the medical device industry and his presentation was at a hospital; a colleague put him in a wheelchair and brought him to the ER. In short order, he found out he had four inoperable brain tumors. Now, he’s making his way through treatment.
Anthony found his cancer diagnosis to be liberating in a strange way. He knows he’s on borrowed time. He feels like his eyes are opened and his guard has been dropped. He cares less for keeping up with the Joneses, even as a gay man in Washington DC. Now, he wants to enjoy the world around him, embrace friendships and embrace his family. Life seems to be simpler now.
His goals have changed. Today, his main goal is to turn 50 in December 2023. And he’s searching for purpose in the morass he’s making his way through. But he’s retained his sense of humor and he’s making his way through with grace and fortitude and the unyielding support of his family.
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The Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
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Turning 40 and Finding Connection Through 50 Fun Things™Teresa Thomas got divorced at 45 and had a midlife crisis as she neared 50. She felt burned out and had a bad attitude about her upcoming birthday. Despite that, she planned a birthday party for herself around things she thought would be fun. She developed worksheets for her friends and family to fill out. One of which was 50 things she wanted to do in the coming year and left room for people to say which ones they wanted to join her for. All of a sudden, she felt connected and supported and the anxiety and depression she had been feeling lifted and she had things to look forward to all year long.
Guest Bio
As an award-winning connector, presenter, networking expert and author, Teresa Thomas ignites intentional, connected and joy-filled living through her umbrella brand Win/Win Connects. Teresa developed the 50 Fun Things® tools and experiences as a way for groups and individuals to look at how they can add fun and fulfillment as integral pieces in their lives, leveraging joy on a personal and professional level.
Teresa is the author of Win/Win Networking: Your Guidebook for Confident and Effective Connections and 50 Fun Things: Enjoy the Small Things (and more recently 50 Fun Things for a Writer's World). She has led, facilitated, and presented for hundreds of events and groups for over 20 years guiding thousands to connect and grow.
Teresa was awarded the title of Women’s Business Champion in 2019 by the SBA (Small Business Administration of Minnesota) for her commitment to helping others succeed through networking. She was named Dynamic Connector and recognized by AARP of Minnesota and Pollen as one of Minnesota’s 2019 50 Over 50 Exceptional Leaders.
Turning 40 and Finding Connection Through 50 Fun Things™Teresa Thomas was a model people pleaser, doing things for everyone else saying yes to things she didn’t want to say yes to but didn’t feel like she could say no to, putting other people first and finding ways to make other people happy and get along. She says that her fear of disappointing people was bigger than her fear of dying or public speaking.
She now realizes that it’s a bit of a self-absorbed point of view because we have no control over what other people think of us. Now she knows it’s better to live as her best self and have the right people appreciate and show up for her versus trying to be something that she thinks they think they want her to be.
As the mom to small kids, there is some element of putting others in front of yourself, but Teresa realized that something was out of whack. Like the day she showed up to her first neighborhood association meeting and was drafted to be treasurer, despite her protestations that she was no good with numbers. But she didn’t want to disappoint these people (who she didn’t even know!) so she took on the role - and she hated it and had to force herself to do it.
Even friends and work colleagues would give her feedback on her people pleasing tendencies. At the same time as she was giving presentations on win-win networking, she was not allowing others to help her. One person was very pointed with Teresa and told her that the relationship didn’t feel reciprocal and, if she valued authenticity and meaningful connections then receiving is part of relationship building as much as helping others is. That was a lesson that took her a long time to fully absorb.
On the home front, Teresa thought things were going ok, but she was going to marriage counseling by herself, and doing the counseling homework by herself, and realizing that things at home weren’t feeling particularly reciprocal.
Teresa got divorced at 45 and then had a midlife crisis as she prepared to turn 50. She felt burned out and had a bad attitude about her upcoming birthday. She was reacting badly to people saying that, at 50, you’re confident and don't care what other people think - since that’s what she wanted for herself, but wasn’t feeling.
Despite her bad attitude, she decided to plan a party for herself - partly because she thought people would expect that’s what she should do. Her consolation was that she was going to do exactly what SHE thought would be fun.
As a kid, Teresa loved playing school, with worksheets and little assignments, so that’s what she did for her party. She created a couple worksheets for her friends and family to fill out. The first one was, how well do you know Teresa? The second one was 50 fun things she wanted to do in the coming year and friends could put their names next to the ones they wanted to do with her.
She didn’t know whether people would play along but every person at the party filled out their worksheet and some of them said they wanted to do multiple activities with her in the coming year. All of a sudden, she felt connected and supported and the anxiety and depression she had been feeling lifted. She had things to look forward to all year long. She felt hopeful and much calmer than she had been feeling.
Teresa thought this was just something she was doing for herself and she’d post about it on Facebook every now and then, but people started noticing. Friends started asking what her next adventure was going to be. And then a life coach asked if she could use it as a tool with her clients. And then someone asked if she would do a workshop about it. And then more people asked for workshops. She put together a workbook and other tools.
This little thing she created to give her things to look forward to over the course of a year took on a life of its own. Now 50 Fun Things is being used by others and Teresa is filled with joy to hear about the transformations taking place in organizations, groups and families. She’s created a tool that helps people create conversation, remember what brings them joy, try new things, be more present and find their sense of gratitude.
At the end of her 50th year, Teresa felt completely different than she did at the beginning. She felt on fire. She was opened up to the power of speaking your voice and telling people what matters. She felt more alive and connected with the possibilities that life has when we make small changes or shifts.
SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
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In a solo episode, Stephanie reflects on her 30s and how the Ick, that feeling of things not being right, presented in her life.
Reflections: my 30s and the IckI’ve been talking a lot about the Ick that people feel in their 30s or 40s and recently started reflecting on my 30s and how the Ick presented to me. I took a page out of my previous guest Melissa’s book and mapped out the decade’s highlights so I could see a clearer picture. Listen to Melissa Llarena’s episode here.
My own Ick mostly showed up in my romantic relationships and at work (isn’t that enough? 🤦🏻♀️). I kept investing in romantic relationships that weren’t working. And while my career looked like it was going well from the outside, I couldn't find the job or company or environment that really suited me and allowed me to be successful. So I created it myself.
Listen to this episode to hear about the Home for Wayward 30-Somethings and what blew my mind in my first visit with a psychic.
SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
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Turning 40 with Reckless Abandon and Building a Life Outside the MainstreamWhen she was in her 20s, Terre Short was about to buy a washer and dryer, but that felt like too much responsibility so she bought a ticket to the South Pacific instead. The ensuing “tumbles” around the world built her confidence for - years later - building a life with her husband and two kids that was far-removed from the mainstream. Homeschooling before it was mainstream. Splitting time between locations long before digital nomadism. Following their hearts and their dreams, kids in tow.
Guest Bio
Terre Short, MBA, is an author, speaker, coach, and creator of Thriving Leader Collaborative. She believes that truly authentic leadership is achieved when we embrace our inner wisdom to overcome business challenges. As a NeuroMindfulness Practitioner, Terre lives at the intersection of wellbeing and leadership and has spent the last decade advising high performing Fortune 500 leaders on how to explore intuitive pathways to sustained success. Terre is the author of The Words We Choose: Your Guide to How and Why Words Matter.
Turning 40 with Reckless Abandon and Building a Life Outside the MainstreamTerre was fortunate that she and her husband had always worked together to support each other’s dreams. So, in their late 30s, they found themselves moving towards what she and her husband felt was right for them, which was homeschooling their two kids so they could split their time between California and Idaho with long breaks in New Zealand.
For others considering stepping off the beaten path, Terre advises to stick with it. “If you know in your heart that this experience will be good for them in the long run, then stick with it.”
Her kids are in their mid-20s now and building lives that suit themselves and sustain themselves.
Terre cautions that if you want your life to be different in five or 10 years, you must take control of your internal narrative and decide which stories no longer serve you. Then, take those stories that do serve you, elaborate on them and move in the direction of where you want to be.
SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
Find Terre online at www.ThrivingLeaderCollaborative.com
Contact Terre at Terre@ThrivingLC.com
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Stephanie kicks off Season 3 by introducing “The Ick,” her characterization of that malaise, unease or discomfort we feel around age 40 and then previewing some of the guests you’ll meet this season.
Guest Bio
Stephanie McLaughlin was born and raised in Manchester, NH. She fled the little city for a bigger one 50 miles south and spent 12 years living, schooling, working, and socializing in Boston. Stephanie was trained as a journalist but found that her career path led her to public relations and, ultimately, marketing. The schooling was not wasted, though, as her illustrious professional career has been built on the tenets of storytelling she learned in college. Her illustrious drinking career was also built on tenets she learned in college, albeit different ones, and perfected while studying under a number of esteemed mentors.
Stephanie is a study in extremes and didn’t know until part-way through The 40 Drinks Project that she was (and maybe always had been) in search of equilibrium. She spent two decades partying and drinking like a rockstar, while at the same time graduating magna cum laude from Northeastern University and building a successful career at noteworthy and important institutions including The Boston Globe, the mayoral administration of Thomas M. Menino and Tufts Medical Center.
She returned to New Hampshire after a dozen years in Boston and spent time as the Associate Publisher of Business NH Magazine, the statewide monthly business publication, and the Director of Client Development for a multi-state law firm before she opened her own marketing business in 2007. All the while, her social life was on fire: friends, parties, trips, adventures, brushes with celebrity, you name it.
As she neared 40, her body wouldn’t abide the same volume of alcohol and she wasn’t finding the same fulfillment with her varied groups of friends and framily. She began The 40 Drinks Project on a lark, thinking that it would be an appropriately outrageous way to celebrate “the big four-oh.” She didn’t know at the time that some of her most important life lessons would come wrapped in the ridiculous endeavor.
Since completing the project, Stephanie has found an absurd level of happiness with the love of her life, Patrick. They live in Manchester, New Hampshire, with a rambunctious black cat who eats wildly inappropriate things – like pajamas and curling ribbon. These days, three glasses of wine is a wild night, and she prefers a healthy dinner at home and some TV or a movie with Patrick to carousing out and about.
She’s still working on equilibrium – a little more consciously now – but she’s much closer than she’s ever been before.
Introducing “The Ick” and Looking Forward to Season 3What does a story about chasing her cat around a snowy, icy yard and spraining her ankle in the process have to do with the transition we experience sometime around age 40? You’re going to have to listen to find out!
SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
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Martin Salama experienced a childhood trauma that put him on a path to being a people pleaser for most of his life. And the funny thing about being a people pleaser is that, while you’re trying to make everyone around you happy, usually you’re not making ANYONE happy, least of all yourself. It took losing everything in his late 40s and having to rebuild again from scratch to knock him from that path and set him in search of another, better, path, which he found. Today, he’s happier, healthier and more fulfilled than he was when he was a “successful businessman.”
Guest Bio
Martin Salama is the Architect of The Warriors L.I.F.E. Code. He specializes in helping people who feel frustrated in their life quickly shift their mindset to UNCOVER their greatness so they can live their true potential and enjoy LIFE! An example of what he’s achieved is a client like Roberta, who lost her 6-figure job due to COVID and came to Martin depressed and felt very lost. Within a short time, she had, quote: “direction, focus, and a renewed energy around all the possibilities I could pursue… and getting back on track to enjoy LIFE!” The key to his success is, he’s mastered the ability to Live Incredibly Full Everyday! Which he turned into the acronym L.I.F.E. and created the Warriors L.I.F.E. Code coaching program.
Show notes
Defining moments don’t always announce themselves. Often, we only recognize them in retrospect. When Martin Salama was 10 years old, his little brother was hit by a school bus and passed away a few days later from his injuries. In his mind, with his 10-year-old reasoning skills, Martin understood that he was the only boy in the family now, the only one who could carry on the Salama name, and he decided that he never wanted to see his parents distraught like that again. He decided it was his job to make sure they were always happy. Looking back, he realizes that’s the moment he became a people pleaser.
After he graduated college, his father connected him to a man 15 years his senior to go into business and do the same thing his father was doing: manufacture tablecloths. Martin wanted his father to be happy, so he complied. Then after he got married, he had another person’s happiness to balance as well. It took him years to realize that in trying to please everyone, he wasn't pleasing anyone.
When he was 40, Martin was in between businesses and trying to figure out his next venture. His wife had started playing tennis and identified that courts weren’t easy to get in their area, so they decided to start a business building courts in an affluent area of New Jersey. The due diligence and prep work took several years and $3 million. When he went to the bank to finally get the loan, he was 45, it was September 2008, and banks had stopped making business loans due to the financial crash and ensuing recession.
Martin sunk into a depression for about a year and, on his 24th wedding anniversary, which happens to fall the day after Valentine’s Day, his wife said, “I’m done. I want a divorce.”
That year of depression also included a lot of introspection in which Martin realized he was never happy as a businessman. He never liked the roller coaster of owning businesses. He never liked being a salesman. But when he was involved in community projects and organizations, he was much freer. He wasn’t afraid. The passion, the vision, those things carried his work. He also realized that he wanted to help people and that his experience of working with coaches was so positive that he wanted to become a coach. Today he coaches people through the transition from self-conscious to self-aware.
In this episode:
- How losing everything in your 40s and having to start over - from scratch - can actually be a gift in disguise
- An example of what being a “people pleaser” looks like
- An example and description of a codependent relationship
- How to go from being a worrier to being a warrior
- When we’re evolving as people, in order to be sustainable, changes take time, effort and desire
- When making big, sweeping changes in life, it helps to focus on your WHY, which Martin defines as “What’s Hurting You?”
SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
Get Martin’s card deck, coloring book and other resources: ConnectWithMartin.com
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After his college soccer career ended, Marc Paisant proceeded down a path that led to his being more than 100 pounds overweight and struggling with his mental health. Marc shares his journey to prioritizing his mental and physical health through discipline and intentional progress. He discusses the epiphany he had about the importance of self-care and how it transformed his approach to work and personal life. For years, he would work on either his mental health or his physical health, but that didn’t get him where he wanted to be. Today, he’s learned that prioritizing both his mental and physical health together allows him to live his best life.
Guest Bio
Marc Paisant is a Certified Personal Trainer and the creator/host of the Relatively Normal podcast. He is also the host of the 6AMRun.com podcast. In his show, he shares his experiences with ADHD, anxiety and depression. He shows that no one is alone and there is always someone willing to listen and assist when it comes to coping and managing all kinds of stress. He is an advocate for therapy and counseling and talks about his years of therapy that he has used to manage his mental health.
As a former collegiate athlete, Marc uses physical fitness to assist with his mental health. He has learned that both can be combined and used to help work through any life issue. His goal is to inspire others to ask for help and to end the stigma when it comes to mental health and awareness.
Show NotesMarc Paisant was a childhood and college athlete, which meant that there was always someone hassling him to work out. As a skinny kid who struggled to put on weight, he ate a lot. But once he left college and slid into the young-adulthood, he realized that there was no one to make him work out, or to hold him accountable. He was also at the age where he thought his metabolism would never slow down and he could still eat anything he wanted. And, he was working a sedentary job, spending 40 or 50 hours a week meeting expectations.
The weight started to accumulate 10 or 15 pounds at a time but he convinced himself that if he was still wearing clothes that you could buy at the store, it wasn’t a problem. Except for the pain in his knees, the swollen ankles, the way his back hurt when he got out of bed and he was sweating all the time. That’s what gaining more than 100 pounds will do to a guy, even if in his early 30s.
He remembers looking at the scale and thinking: “how did you let this happen?” Thus began his fitness journey, which started with running and eventually encompassed changing how and what he eats.
At every point in his life, Marc didn’t like the body he had. He either wanted to be bigger and have more muscles, or be smaller and have less fat. But one day he realized that he didn’t get to choose the body he rides around in, and since he can’t swap it out, he’s spending a lot of energy hating something he can’t change. But that perspective came much later - only recently, in fact. And it came with the help of both a therapist and a personal trainer - two coaches who helped him take control of both his mental and physical health.
“I started to combine my mental and physical health. And it's like, ‘you know what, Marc, you're alright. You're a good dude. You're cool. You're fine the way you are.’ And I started listening to that and it's taken me to places mentally and physically I've never, ever been before. I'm in the best shape of my life as a 43 year old, mentally and physically. And that's so weird to say for someone who played college soccer.”
In this episode:
- How Marc found himself more than 100 pounds overweight and how he started his journey to physical fitness.
- How being a people pleaser may have hampered his happiness and success.
- How he gained some perspective on work/life balance and how he manages to find it now.
- How focusing on mental health or physical fitness one at a time didn’t get Marc where he wanted to be.
- How Marc transitioned from wanting to be like everyone else to wanting to be “relatively normal” and how that shift made all the difference.
SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
Additional Resources
The Relatively Normal Podcast on Facebook
The Relatively Normal Podcast on Instagram
The Relatively Normal Podcast on Apple
Coach Paisant on Instagram
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After a period of her parents’ declining health, Amy Lokken became a full-time caregiver at age 35 after being married only a couple years. Her dad died a couple years later and her mom a couple years after that. At 40, Amy found herself coming out of a whirlwind of caregiving and grief and needing to find herself again. While she thought she had decided who she would be in her 20s, at 40 she wondered, “now who am I?” But one of the things that often comes with turning 40 is not caring about what other people think, which empowered Amy to reclaim pieces of herself she had put away a long time ago.
Guest Bio
Amy Lokken is the founder of Müd (pronounced mood) Modular, she is a Visual Presence Designer, who has an innate ability to understand human psychology and how you are showing up on camera tells a story about who you really are. She loves working with individuals whose values center around quality, self-awareness, communication, with a desire to improve. Amy has over 27 years of design industry experience, she is a 7x international award-winning marketing expert, founder of the Chippewa Valley Lewy Body Dementia Caregivers Support Group in Eau Claire, WI, and an active member of 100 Women Who Care. Amy resides in Eau Claire, WI, with her husband, Chris and their super chill 5 year old Golden Retriever mix dog-son, named Sammy.
Show NotesAmy Lokken was thrilled to turn 30. She felt “done” with her 20s and excited about her 30s, which she thought were going to be great.
By the time she got married at 32, her dad had been diagnosed with prostate cancer and she knew something was going on with her mom, who was later diagnosed with Lewy body dementia. When she was 35, both of her parents moved in with her and her husband full time. Amy had recently left her career and was in the process of reinventing herself professionally, so she had the time and flexibility to become the primary caregiver for her parents.
Amy and her husband had been exploring adoption, but as her dad’s health started to decline and her mom’s dementia progressed, they felt they “adopted” her parents instead. Her dad died and a couple years later, her mom died two months before Amy’s 40th birthday. Thus, the decade she was so excited about passed in a blur with most of it spent caregiving.
In the receiving line at her mother’s wake, Amy turned to her husband and said, “Hi, I'm Amy, your wife. Thanks for sticking around."
At 40, Amy found herself coming out of a whirlwind of caregiving and grief and needing to find herself again. While she thought she had decided who she would be in her 20s, at 40 she wondered, “now who am I?”
Amy spent the first couple years of her 40s working her way back to who she always wanted to be. After being bullied and teased as a child, she had turned down the volume on several parts of her style and personality. But being 40 means you can own your space, own who you are, own your weird, own your style and be completely unapologetic about all of it. The older she gets, the easier she finds that to be. Now she’s comfortable standing out because she knows she’s owning who she is.
In this episode, you will learn:
- How Amy's parents came to live with her full time during their illnesses, her father with prostate cancer and her mother with a rare form of dementia.
- How Amy and her husband felt they “adopted” her parents when their health was declining and they needed help.
- How turning 40 led Amy to reevaluate her identity and find strength in her own story.
SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
Additional Resources
Amy and Mud Modular on Facebook
Amy Lokken on Instagram
Amy and Mud Modular on Twitter
Tell me a fantastic “forty story.” Listen, Rate & SubscribeApple Podcasts
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After a 15+ year career as a producer on high-profile television shows, Shannon Russell needed a change. She found herself spending too much time commuting and missing things in her kids’ lives that she wasn’t feeling good about. So she made a change, segued into a ‘second act,’ if you will. She now runs a successful STEM education franchise. She is passionate about teaching kids how to build and think like engineers. After her successful transition, friends and acquaintances looked to her for help in making their own transitions, so she launched Second Act Success, a podcast and coaching practice where she helps women find their own successful ‘second act.’
Guest Bio
Shannon Russell is a Career Coach and Host of the Second Act Success Podcast. After spending 16 years as a Television Producer, Shannon pivoted to open her own business running a successful franchise in her hometown. Now, as a certified Career Coach, Shannon added another venture to the mix with Second Act Success, where she coaches women on how to change careers, start a business, and follow their creative passions to the fullest in order to produce their best life. She lives at the beach in New Jersey with her husband, two boys, and her chow chow pup.
Show Notes
Shannon Russell spent the first 15+ years of her career as a producer for MTV, which included all the fun and wild things you think it did. It was a career she loved and had been working towards since she was in the first grade. But at some point, she realized it wasn’t fun anymore. Her commute was 2 hours each way, which meant she couldn't be the producer she wanted to be and she was missing things in her kids’ lives that were making her feel bad. She realized her priorities had shifted and now she would rather be home with her kids than on a shoot somewhere exotic with some rock star or celebrity.
When the show she was working on got canceled, she arrived at a fork in the road: she could either jump into the next project or figure out something that fit her life, family and priorities better. But being a TV producer was all she knew how to do and she didn’t immediately see how her skills would transfer into something else.
As a boy mom, she spent an inordinate amount of time playing Legos and wondered how she could find a job that would allow her to teach other kids how to build and think like engineers. She found a franchise opportunity called Snapology, which allowed her to be a business owner and yet have the support system necessary for someone who’s never owned a business before.
Once she got into it, she realized that her producer skills did translate. She was used to pitching shows to studios and celebrities. Now she was pitching classes and seminars to schools and other partners in the community. A producer takes ideas and brings them to life, which is kind of what growing a business is.
Today, she owns one of the top Snapology franchises. The business has grown and is successful.
Then a new idea started bubbling up. Talking with the moms of the kids who were in her classes, they asked how she went from being a producer to owning a franchise and teaching classes for kids. Then they asked if she could help them figure out their transition.
She launched Second Act Success as a podcast, which has turned into career coaching and courses on transitioning into your second act.
In this episode, you will learn:
-
How Shannon Russell transitioned from a successful career in television to owning a successful franchise business.
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How she used her television producer skills to build her business.
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The value of coaches, whether in your personal or professional life
-
Sometimes, the path to happiness and fulfillment is not a straight line.
SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
Additional Resources
Second Act Success website
Second Act Success on Facebook
Second Act Success on Instagram
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Thanks to her overachieving tendencies, Corinne Morahan had built a life she was happy with. Mom, wife, employee, friend. She had it all under control until the day that life brought her to her knees at which point she realized her tolerance for chaos was very low. Her tolerance for organizing, however, was considerably higher. Overwhelmed and at her wits end, in a life that wasn’t working and certainly wasn’t making her who she wanted to be, she decided to take action, which led to a much happier life and then to Grid + Glam, the business where she gets to share that gift with other women.
Guest Bio
Corinne Morahan is the Founder and CEO of Grid + Glam, a thriving organizing and media company designed to give busy people back their beautiful spaces and the breathing room they deserve. In addition to providing in-home organizing services, Grid + Glam offers the G+G Home Organizing Membership, a virtual platform that gives busy families a step-by-step process for creating and maintaining an organized home.
Corinne is a highly sought-after business coach and keynote speaker, and speaks on topics including creating and maintaining an organized home, women in business, entrepreneurship, and how to massively grow, scale and systemize your business.
Corinne earned a Bachelor’s degree from the University of Michigan and a Master's degree from Harvard University. She began her career working on Wall Street and currently lives just outside Boston, MA with her husband and two children.
Show NotesCorinne Morahan had everything under control: a job in finance, two little kids successfully marshaled to and from all their commitments, a husband she not only loves, but actually likes a whole lot even after 17 years of marriage. Typical overachiever stuff, but she felt like she had built a life she was happy with. So why then, one fateful day, did her kids running around the house laughing, of all things, bring her to her knees?
It was the chaos, she realized. She came to understand that she had a very low tolerance for chaos. However, she had a very high tolerance for organizing. So the year before she turned 40 she embarked upon a year of decluttering her life - the house, of course, but also the family calendar, the plans they made as a family and some relationships. She says that project brought about a huge shift in her life because it brought intention and awareness to everything she was doing, which also brought enjoyment back to all the little moments that make up a life, including squealing, laughing children.
Corinne used her newfound insights to launch Grid + Glam, an organizing and decluttering business that helps other women conquer the chaos and enjoy their lives more.
In this episode, you will learn the following:
-
How Corinne Morahan realized that the chaos in her home was affecting her mental state.
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How to get out of the constant cycle of feeling like you have to manage the chaos of your environment.
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How to determine how organized/decluttered you want your house and surroundings to be.
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The 5 lessons Corinne learned by the time she was 40 and the 5 promises she made to herself.
SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
Additional Resources
Grid + Glam Website
Grid +Glam on Facebook
Grid + Glam on Instagram
Tell me a fantastic “forty story.” Listen, Rate & SubscribeApple Podcasts
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When Tina Bakehouse, a teacher and performing artist, unexpectedly loses her voice, she must embark on a challenging journey to regain it, learning the power of resilience and different forms of self-expression along the way. An extrovert and enthusiastic communicator, Tina lost the very thing that defined her. Spending six weeks completely silent was a challenging exercise but, in the end, therapeutic. She avoided surgery, healed her vocal cords and learned how important relaxation is for both body and mind, especially in the midst of chronic stress.
Guest Bio
Protecting audiences from boring speakers and speeches, Tina Bakehouse started her own company, Tina B LLC, to provide speaking and storytelling consulting and coaching to help heart-centered leaders and organizations internationally and nationally communicate more effectively. With more than 20 years of teaching communication and theatre (10 years at Creighton University), Tina is passionate about educating others to enhance their speaker style. After earning two BAs from the University of Northern Iowa, one in communication studies and psychology, and the second in theatre and English teaching, she completed a master’s degree in communication studies through the University of Nebraska-Omaha and completed certificates in Advanced Professional Writing, Keirsey’s temperament theory, Holistic Coaching, and two levels of improvisation training.
Her past positions have included Malvern Bank’s Chief Creative Officer, assisting with community development and coordinating financial literacy and educational opportunities for Mills County and Golden Hills RC & D as Outreach & Communication Coordinator, promoting the arts and local foods in southwest Iowa.
Tina has performed and coordinated multiple storytelling shows in southwest Iowa, including two teen shows. She continues to use her creativity, leadership, and passion for the arts to help people communicate effectively and solve problems. Tina lives at Maple Edge Farm, a 150-year old family farm in southwest Iowa, with her husband Jon and son Anderson and her beloved goats.
Show NotesTina Bakehouse grew up passionate about performing arts, and after working hard to land a college internship at Walt Disney World she learned the Disney way of connecting, which she has brought to every stage of her career. As a teacher at an inner-city, midwestern high school, Tina worked hard to share her love for communication, oratory, story and language, hoping to inspire confidence and creativity in her students. Often, though, these students brought the stresses and challenges of their lives into the classroom. On one occasion, a male student of imposing stature threw a book at her and said he wished she was dead. The school administration sent the student back to her class. Tina developed severe anxiety, which led to her losing her voice.
Home remedies didn’t work and her voice didn’t return so she went to a doctor who told her she had severe vocal cord nodules. Surgery was an option but success wasn’t guaranteed. Six weeks of silence - no cheating! - was the alternative.
Stripped of the very thing she says defined her, she was forced to face mental and emotional gremlins and give her body and mind space to relax and unwind from the chronic stress of her teaching position. After weeks of silence, Tina was able to find her voice again, and was able to appreciate the importance of nonverbal communication, and cherish the moments of laughter.
In this episode, you will learn the following:
-
How Tina Used Performing Arts to Connect with People: Learn how Tina's love for performing arts from a young age drove her to a career where she shares her love of communication, story and language.
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How Tina Found Her Voice After Losing It: Discover how Tina found her way out of a scary situation where she lost her voice due to chronic anxiety.
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How Tina Rebuilt Her Confidence Through Nonverbal Communication: Explore how Tina used nonverbal communication to rebuild her confidence and express her emotions when she couldn't use her voice.
"No matter the challenge, I have always found the strength and resilience to take on the world and create something magical." - Tina Bakehouse
SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
Additional Resources
Find Tina online
Tina on LinkedIn
Tina on Facebook
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Is it possible to find lasting love after 40? It's a question that Katherine Baldwin asked herself after her 41st birthday when she woke up single and without children. After years of struggling with binge eating, an adrenaline addiction, and extreme behaviors, Katherine Baldwin had to hit rock bottom before she could start her journey to self-acceptance and healing. Now she's ready to share her story and the solution she found for lasting love. Katherine explores how an unexpected loss and the realization of being alone in her mid-30s sparked her journey of self-discovery.
Guest Bio
As a transformational coach, midlife mentor, motivational speaker and the author of 'How to Fall in Love', Katherine Baldwin supports people to love themselves, create lives that they love, and find healthy love. Formerly an international journalist, Katherine burnt out and broke down in her late 30s and was forced to reevaluate her life. Turning 40 as a single, childless woman who was confused about how her life had turned out, Katherine launched a blog called 'From Forty With Love', exploring issues such as singleness, childlessness, emotional overeating, career confusion, and midlife crises. Eleven years on, she continues to blog with vulnerability about her struggles as well as some significant breakthroughs, which include finding love in her 40s and marrying at 48 after following the steps laid out in her book. As well as coaching one-to-one, Katherine hosts online courses, workshops and retreats. Her love and life advice has been featured widely in the British media.
Show Notes
Katherine Baldwin had spent her formative adult years pursuing freedom, excitement, adventure and adrenaline. When she turned 40, she felt she had come through a lot and was in a good place. However, when she hit 41, she felt trapped, single, and without a clue as to what she was doing with her life. She started a blog to document her journey and found her voice in writing about her experiences. When her dad died, it was a shock to her, as she had no partner or family to be with her. This spurred her to take a holistic holiday and take a break from her high-pressure job. Upon her return, she was offered voluntary redundancy and a lifeline to leave her job, which she used to start freelance journalism. Here, she wrote about things she cared.
In this episode, you will learn the following:
-
The Dark Side of Living a Life of Adventure and Excess: Exploring the struggles that lay beneath the glamorous exterior of globetrotting and partying.
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Facing Existential Crisis in Mid-30s: How an unexpected loss and the realization of being alone sparked a journey of self-discovery.
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Turning 40: How embracing one's age and taking a leap of faith with a blog about self-acceptance led to a new life path.
Resources:
Katherine’s website
From Forty With Love blog
How to Fall in Love book
Loved this episode? Leave a review and rating here.
SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
Tell me a fantastic “forty story.”
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Emma Johnson is a mother to three young children and the convener of Women’s Circles where is drawn to, and feels really able to connect with, those women who have found motherhood to be like falling off a cliff. Today she shares her personal journey of rediscovering herself after the loss of her sister and the challenges of motherhood. She delves into the concept of holding space for others, and how it can be a powerful tool in the healing process. Emma also talks about the importance of resilience and happiness in the face of grief and adversity. Join us as we explore the theme of turning 40 and the journey of grief recovery with Emma Johnson.
Guest Bio
Emma believes deeply in the power of the female voices and stories, and in creating beautiful spaces for women to come together, to find sanctuary and soulful connection as often as they need it. She runs in-person and online circles as The Wild Circle, bringing women together for regular moments of ritual, reflection and connection, with a focus on returning to nature and connecting with our inner wildness. She says: "I believe we all need a space that we can rely on, where we can come as we are, and be met in that place. Women are deeply rooted in nature - the more we connect with our wildness, the more we root ourselves to the earth, the more we can truly connect to ourselves and each other.” She has a Masters in English and Postmodernism, traveled around the world by herself at age 18, has walked on fire, is a mother of three and lives in the Cotswolds in the UK, with her husband, children, three cats and three chickens.
Show Notes
In this episode, Stephanie sits down with Emma Johnson to talk about the challenges of motherhood, loss, and rebuilding oneself. Emma shares her personal experience of going through postnatal depression and anxiety, as well as losing her sister suddenly, and how she found resilience and happiness through the process.
Emma also talks about her work with moms who have gone through similar experiences. She shares her perspective on the grief of motherhood and how it can be a process of refining oneself, letting go of certain parts of one's identity, and building a new and better life.
The conversation also touches on the concept of "holding space" for others, and how it can be a powerful way to support and protect people as they share their feelings and struggles. Emma explains how it's not about changing or influencing others, but rather creating a safe and non-judgmental environment for them to share and process their thoughts and emotions.
Throughout the conversation, Emma emphasizes the importance of self-discovery and self-awareness, and how it can lead to greater happiness and resilience as we age. Emma reflects on how she is happier and more fulfilled now than ever before, and encourages listeners to embrace the aging process and all that it has to offer.
Key Takeaways:
- Nearly all mothers feel like they have fallen off a cliff after becoming a mother, but it's not talked about.
- The process of rebuilding oneself after motherhood and loss is challenging but necessary.
- Acknowledging that one's life will never come back in the way it was expected and building a new one can lead to a happier and more fulfilled life.
- Taking time to fully grieve and process loss is important for one's mental and emotional well-being.
- Holding space means creating a safe and solid environment where people can share their feelings, fears and pain without being judged or influenced.
SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communication
Additional Resources
The Wild Circle website
The Wild Circle on Facebook
The Wild Circle on Instagram
Tell me a fantastic “forty story.” Listen, Rate & SubscribeApple Podcasts
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Emily Aborn still has a couple years to go before she turns 40, but she’s already thinking about how she wants to celebrate. She’s also considering what she wants to accomplish before the big “four-oh” and the time remaining to reach those accomplishments seems to be dwindling at the speed of life. Skydiving is the easy one. Writing a book? Is there still time for that? Emily has already learned that it’s ok to change your mind, but she yearns for the “I don’t care about your opinion” attitude she sees so many of her older friends enjoying.
Guest Bio
Emily Aborn is a Content Writer, Podcast Host, and Founder of She Built This, a community for women entrepreneurs and professionals. She’s been an entrepreneur since 2014 and has experience in running brick-and-mortar as well as online businesses. She’s worked with over 86 different industries and loves helping those with a big mission increase their visibility, connect with their clients, and bring their dreams and visions to life. For fun, Emily enjoys nerdy word games and puzzles, reading, listening to podcasts like they're going outta' style, and tromping about in the woods with her husband, Jason, and their dog, Clyde.
Meet Emily AbornEmily Aborn feels like the countdown to 40 is equally as important as what happens on the other side of 40. At 36, she’s already starting to think about how she’s going to memorialize her 40th. As someone still facing forty, though, she wonders what’s on the “mysterious” other side. She already feels like something is different, but finds it hard to put her finger on it while she’s still in the midst of it.
In her 20s, Emily was trying to figure out who she was and says she burned A LOT of things down in the process. She says she has had more jobs than rotations around the sun; she thinks the number is 42. After graduating college with a nutrition degree, she jumped from job to job to try to find one that fit. In conjunction with the job changes she moved many times and found herself in “ridiculous amounts of debt for that age.” Once, she watched from the window at work as her car was repossessed and towed away.
In her late 20s she went to work for a chiropractor who she had worked for right out of college. Emily found it hard to be around the chiropractor because she was such a positive person who was following her dreams and working towards her goals with such clarity. Emily felt so out of alignment with that kind of life. She always knew she wanted to be an entrepreneur and here she was working for one, which made her feel bad about still working for someone else.
You Are Allowed to Change Your MindShe and her husband opened a non-toxic mattress store and she ran that for almost five years before she acknowledged that she didn't love it. That’s when she realized “you’re allowed to change your mind.”
Emily pivoted and got her real estate license and, while she loved the classes part, she did not love the ‘being at the beck and call of the clients’ part. She needs more structure in her day. So she started doing marketing for a real estate group, which led to helping someone else with their marketing, and then someone else. Then she honed in tighter and tighter until she realized that the consistent throughline with all her jobs was writing. Now, she just provides marketing writing services for clients.
Today, she’s put it all together: she owns her own business doing something she feels successful at and satisfied by. She’s been on this path for four years now. In addition to the marketing services, she also started a company called She Built This to support women entrepreneurs.
What Really MattersAt 32, Emily lost a nearly lifelong friend in a tragic accident, which she says aged her. It helped crystalize what mattered in life. She realized she wanted to make an impact on the people around her, like her friend had.
Another thing she wants is to have the “I don’t care” vibe she sees her over-40 friends rocking. She wants to shed the “inner committee” of all her friends and family and colleagues.
When Emily thinks about 40, she feels like it’s simultaneously a celebration and leaving something behind. There are also a bunch of things she wants to do in the four years before she turns 40. But of all the things she said she wanted to do before turning 40, the pressure is building because the window between now and then is getting smaller.
At the same time, Emily thinks turning 40 comes with a “permission slip” to finally own who you are. She feels like she’s already going through a process of letting go of things she’s “supposed” to do. Thinking about relationships or events that she attends, if Emily wonders who she’s going there for, or if she’s uncomfortable, or if she’s just trying not to miss out, those are indicators that it’s not really serving her.
Who Am I? If Emily had a magic wand, she’d grant herself two weeks away, by herself, to allow her to figure out who she really is. In two weeks away from her community and the influences that shape her, she thinks she could really get a sense of what is the personality that’s underneath all of the influence and expectations in her life. She thinks there are probably pieces of her personality she isn’t even aware of because of the expectations of the people around her.
One thing she's focusing on this year is finding things to do that are fun. She wants to experience fun in new ways this year because she’s not even sure she knows what she thinks is fun - besides working. She thinks figuring out what you consider fun can help reveal parts of you that you might not have known about.
The To Do ListBefore she turns 40, Emily has a list of things she wants to accomplish including skydiving and writing a book. She wants to find a hobby she thinks is fun. She wants to grow her business. She’d like to own a second home in the mountains. And, after being married for seven years, she’d like to take a honeymoon.
Emily has a clear picture of how she wants to celebrate her 40th birthday.
When they got married, Emily and her husband wanted a small, cozy wedding but as the planning went on, it kept getting bigger and bigger. She was the bride and the wedding planner. The day was stressful for both her and her husband.
For her 40th, she wants to plan a party with that ‘backyard wedding’ feel that includes her family and her closest friends. One thing she's sure of: there will be dancing.
SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
Additional Resources
She Built This Community
She Built This Podcast
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Serban Mare is an immigrant who came to the US from Romania when he was 23 in search of better opportunities and a better life. He did everything he was “supposed to” and then came to understand the meaning of the maxim “be careful what you wish for.” In his mid-30s, he described his life using a couple of four letter words: He was FINE. He was LOST. He encountered a concept that sent him down the rabbit hole, reading, listening, learning, experimenting, evolving. Which ultimately led him to say YES to a 40th birthday project that took a year and a half to plan and more than a week to accomplish.
Guest Bio
Serban is an expert in personal development, self-help, and peak performance. He is a Professional Speaker, Certified CBT Practitioner, and Life Coach. As a Project Manager, Serban learned how to map out steps to escape the typical “work towards retirement life” and has engineered the path to a more authentic, joyful, and fulfilled lifestyle.
Serban came to the United States with $200 to call his own and through adversity created a better life for himself and his family. Despite achieving the “American Dream,” he realized he craved deeper meaning and fulfillment. After undergoing his own personal transformation, he accumulated an abundance of knowledge which he desires to share with others on how to live a higher quality, passionate, and meaningful life.
Commemorating 40 on Mt. KilimanjaroSerban Mare came to the United States from Romania when he was 23 and looking for better opportunities than he had at home. What he thought would be a relatively short stay has turned into making a life here.
Early in the year that he turned 40, Serban was having dinner with a friend who was shortly to turn 50 and their wives. The friend had a plan to do something grandiose for his 50th and Serban wanted to be a part of it. That thing was hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro in Africa. Serban’s reaction was: “I’m in. Let’s do it.” His wife took a couple days to think about the seven-day hike and signed onto the trip four days later.
The pact was made a little over a year before they went to the mountain. A lot of the following year was spent finding the right equipment since getting a blister can be what determines success or failure.
Serban calls hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro the most memorable thing he’s done in his life.
The 40 TransitionWhile Serban commemorated his 40th birthday in an uncommon way, he still went through a pretty typical life transition. Serban’s vision of a life well lived was to go to college, find a corporate job, get married, have some kids, get a dog and save for retirement. That was the blueprint he followed until he was 35. He and his wife decided not to have children, which, he says, gave them more time to ponder about life.
Serban went to lunch with a friend he hadn’t seen in a while. The friend asked how he was and he seemed full of genuine interest. So he thought, and answered: career, fine. Relationships, fine. Health, fine. Nothing was great. He realized he felt like he was going around in circles and that’s when he wondered if that was it. Was there anything more to life? Or was he just going to go around in circles for the next few decades.
His wife sent him to Lewis Howes’ podcast, The School of Greatness, and particularly the episode where Les Brown talked about how to defeat a negative mindset. This is where he first encountered the concept of “growth mindset,” which led him to Carol Dwek’s book, Mindset. This led him to realize that he could do so much more, which several years later led him to climb the tallest mountain in Africa.
Serban defines growth mindset as the understanding that we can do anything if we set our minds to it and truly believe it. Maybe the thing you’re striving for is hard and you can’t do it yet but if you keep practicing and you’re consistent, you can. It may be a simple concept, but he came across it at exactly the right time. He says that he proves to himself over and over that he can do so much more.
An early proof of “I can” for Serban was public speaking. As an introvert and non-native speaker he was scared to participate at meetings at work. Just introducing himself was terrifying, but he realized it was holding him back. So he found a chapter of Toastmasters in his area and started working on public speaking. At first it was hard and he was bad at it but with practice it got easier. Today Serban thinks he’d like to be a professional speaker.
He started noticing the energy around his relationships - which friends were energy drainers and which made him feel great. Today he limits the time he spends with friends whose relationships he’d consider ‘fine’ and focuses more time on relationships with people that are ‘great.’
Finding PurposeSerban has started to recognize the patterns of how we can move from being okay to being great and he’s realized that he wants to share them as much as he can. He thinks by embracing the growth mindset we can go beyond the “ever-looping rat-wheel kind of life” and get to something more meaningful. He wants to inspire people to look for their next adventure and to conquer their own Kilimanjaro mountain and he’s pursuing three avenues to do that including keynotes, a course he’s creating and 1-to-1 coaching for people who want to find their next season in life.
SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
Tell me a fantastic “forty story.”
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Toby Myles described herself as a grown woman when it happened. She was in her mid-30s with a couple of kids. She was a smart, college-educated, middle class woman who found herself in an explosive, abusive and controlling relationship. She wants you to know it can happen to anyone - even smart girls. She shares how that relationship affected her and how she eventually found her way out of it.
Guest Bio
Toby Myles is a conversion copywriter and owner of Toby Myles Copywriting, specializing in email launch and welcome funnels, sales pages, and website copy and copy coaching for women entrepreneurs and solopreneurs. Toby gets to know her clients’ businesses and their customer’s pain points so she can write compelling copy that converts to growth, connections, and sales!
Toby is a bestselling co-author of Business on Purpose: Inspiring Stories of Women Overcomers who are Changing the World. With over 30 years of experience in marketing and entrepreneurship, Toby has a passion for helping other women grow their audiences and business in a way that feels easy and authentic.
Meet Toby MylesToby Myles married her first husband, who was 10 years her senior, when she was still in college. She thought she was pretty mature for a 20-something but realized upon reflection that she didn’t give herself the space in her 20s to learn about herself. Because she was still in college and her husband seemed to have things figured out, she quickly adopted his life goals as her own but that meant she was living somebody else’s idea of what life should look like.
Several years later, they started a family. First a son and, two years later, a daughter and things started to shift in their relationship, in part due to different ideas of how to raise the kids and what a family should look like. In Toby’s family of origin, the parents did things as adults, taking trips without the kids and having date nights. In her husband’s family of origin, everything was focused on the kids and the family unit. As the kids got older, they started to struggle. Toby wanted more couple time and her husband wanted more family time. That led Toby to realize that she didn’t really know who she was as a person and what she wanted in life.
One of the things that held them together was that they had gone into business together; she was a graphic designer and he was an illustrator. They were very compatible in this area of their relationship. When both the marriage and the business ended, Toby was left wondering about her future. Because her now ex-husband seemed like the perfect match on paper, Toby wondered if there would be another relationship. What would that person be like? Because they had seemed like such a good match, she was perplexed and thought “if that’s not the person, then maybe there isn’t anyone out there for me.”
Several years later she did meet someone else, though. He was the polar opposite of her first husband and, in Toby’s mind, that meant he was the right person for her simply because her husband hadn’t been. She thought maybe he was the yin to her yang.
The Polar OppositeToby’s new boyfriend seemed concerned about her well-being. He would tell her to call him when she got where she was going. Or ask her questions about her day - where she went, who she talked to. At first, she thought it was sweet that he cared about her so much.
But things started to shift. What felt like love became controlling. He started asking how many people she talked to at work on a given day. Then how many men hit on her at work. When she said none, he became accusatory and the conversations would escalate into explosive arguments.
Toby thought that this relationship had to work because her marriage didn’t. This man had had a challenging childhood, so he had his own issues. She thought if she could just love him enough and show him what a healthy relationship looked like, she could help him work through his own issues and everything would be ok.
She was wrong.
She says it didn’t take long before she started to see red flags that she chose to ignore. She chalked them up to her “still learning him.”
What she’s learned about being with someone who is controlling and abusive is that you’ll have these conflicts and, when it’s all over, they’re supremely apologetic and promise it won’t happen again. Then things are fine for a while. But the next time it happens, it’s slightly more escalated.
She also realized that he was trying to shape her into an image that he wanted to see. Many of their conflicts were about how she looked or what she was wearing. Little by little she started to lose herself. She forgot what she loved about herself. She felt like she was walking on eggshells when he was around, particularly when he was around her kids.
In fact, one of her deepest regrets is staying in a situation that was unhealthy for her kids. “It's one thing to stay in a situation that is unhealthy for yourself, but it was unhealthy for my kids and that's not something that I can ever go back and apologize enough for.”
Toby thinks she stayed in that abusive relationship because she thought “that’s what you do” when you have kids. She thinks that if she had been more secure in herself after her marriage failed, she would have had the wherewithal to say ‘this isn’t right.’ When that relationship ended, she went the other direction. She didn’t think she’d ever be in a relationship again.
Turning 40Toby has a clear memory of thinking that she didn’t want to be disappointed by how her 40th birthday went, so she planned it herself. She decided she wanted to go to New York City. At the time, her cousin was a chef at a great restaurant so she decided to take the train into the city, have a great meal and do all the NYC things. Her boyfriend agreed to the plan so she made the reservations and bought the tickets.
On that Saturday morning, the day of her 40th birthday, she woke up early but her boyfriend wasn’t making any moves to get up or get ready even though they had planned on catching an early train. This turned into an argument and Toby said she was going to go without him. That’s when he reached for the iron sitting on the ironing board next to his bed and he threw it at her.
Before she even had a chance to leave, there was a knock at the door. It was the police. A neighbor had heard the argument and called the cops.
When she answered the door, she was visibly upset and the police asked to talk to her in the hallway. She had seen this sort of thing on TV and she remembered thinking “who am I?”
She ended up going to New York City by herself that weekend, but it was only the beginning of the end of the relationship.
The next explosive argument was over something disrespectful he had said to her daughter. For some reason, it was ok when he treated her that way but when he did it to her daughter, it was the final straw. During that argument he head butted her in front of her daughter. Toby says it was almost like she needed the literal blow to her head to wake her up. That was the end of the relationship.
Putting Herself Back TogetherAfter that relationship, there was a lot of work to put herself back together. She got into therapy pretty quickly but sometimes even basic daily tasks were a struggle. In addition to the relationship ending, she was in a difficult financial position.
She started looking for a job that would provide stability, security, benefits and reasonable hours. She didn’t need to love it, but she needed security and a routine for herself and her kids. She found a job in corporate marketing that fit all the criteria. It allowed her to take the kids to school in the morning. That was the first step to putting the pieces back together.
Another thing that was important to her was to become financially independent so she never had to depend on anyone again. She learned from that relationship that when you’re not in control of your own finances, it’s easy to get stuck. But when you can cover all your own bills, you don’t need to rely on anyone else.
Little by little she started to reconnect with the pieces of herself that she had buried during that relationship: her artistic side, her quirky side, her silliness and impulsiveness. She realized it’s ok to be these things and she wanted people in her life who would connect with those parts of her. They didn’t need to be just like her, but they needed to accept her and value her for who she is.
Surprise! Toby thought she’d never be in another relationship because relationships hadn’t worked for her. One day she said as much to her ex-husband who suggested she try out online dating. She tried it and found she enjoyed going out to dinner with someone. But it became a lot of work because she scheduled her dates when her kids were at their dad’s house, which meant squeezing dates into weekends. After a while it became exhausting and she decided to shut down her account, but she had already scheduled three dates on that final weekend of her subscription.
She thought maybe it just wasn’t meant to be - and she was ok with that. She was in a place where she liked who she was. She had her friends, her family, her kids. She was happy with herself and her life.
And it was almost like the universe said, "The minute you accept that about yourself, now we're gonna bring you this gift of this new person, this new relationship who is going to complement your life."
On the final date of that weekend she met her husband.
While Toby felt like her first husband was very much like her and her second relationship was the complete opposite of her, her second husband is a combination. They complement each other. They’re different enough that it keeps things interesting but they’re alike enough on their core values to stay aligned.
One of her core values is using her authentic voice in every facet of her life, which is a value she brings to the copywriting business she started in 2020.
SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
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Tell me a fantastic “forty story.”
The Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
Wize Otero is a fellow podcaster based in Pennsylvania who found his voice - and his life’s purpose - when he hit record on his first podcast episode at age 44. Wize faced some really tough stuff in his 30s, and found himself very angry, self medicating and headed down a dark road. But once he accepted that he was angry and that he had no control over these things, he was able to reach out for help and change the course of his life.
Guest Bio
Born and raised in Brooklyn, but now residing in the Pocono Mountains in Pennsylvania, Wize Otero works at the local casino as a Table Games Dealer for the past 7 years. He started podcasting in 2020 after being furloughed from his job. Since then, he’s started a production company, launched an Internet Radio Station and started doing voice over work.
Meet WizeWize Otero had an exceptionally challenging decade in his 30s. At 31, he lost his wife in a tragic car accident. She was the one who had introduced him to self development, including The Secret and Abraham Hicks. He thinks it was her way of preparing him for what was to come.
Some months later, he received a Facebook message from his sister, who he hadn’t seen since he was a kid, asking him if he was her brother. They reconnected and she flew him to Puerto Rico to reconnect with his dad and two brothers as a Father’s Day surprise. Wize made the trip and reconnected with his dad who he hadn’t seen in 25 years, plus his two younger brothers. His father died in his sleep the morning after Wize arrived.
Then he lost one of those brothers to a drug overdose and one of his brothers on his mom’s side to illness. He lost an uncle who helped raise him and an aunt who encouraged his entrepreneurial spirit. It was all too much and Wize started to spiral. He was angry, self-medicating and didn’t care about anything.
Amidst all this, one day he received a message that said it was time to change his life, so he started reaching out for help and started to build a career. He even joined a dating website. His life started to improve, which he knows came from accepting that he was angry about things he had no control over. He knew the anger was only hurting himself and hindering his growth. This drove him to therapy. He knew that there was no one else in his orbit who had been through what he went through, so there was no advice a friend or family member could give. His situation called for a professional situation where he could share what’s going on and not be judged.
A friend told him, “it’s time,” and helped him create a profile on Match.com where he met his now-wife.
Stuck in My MindThe pandemic lockdown came with a furlough from his job as a blackjack dealer in a casino. Now that he was home, he went back to an idea he had been tossing around for a couple years: starting a podcast. He had the equipment from an earlier almost-foray and one day he just pressed record. He called it the Stuck in My Mind podcast because he had been stuck in his mind for so long.
The day he pressed record and started his podcast, Wize felt like he had finally found his voice. He was 44 years old, furloughed and didn’t know what his purpose was. But when he pressed that button, he found he was able to express himself. He found it therapeutic to be able to share what was bothering him. And then he decided to add guests so he could interview and interact with other people. He enjoys talking to people about how they overcame obstacles in their life.
He started off rough but kept going, kept building his knowledge and skills. He went from potential guests turning him down because his show was too small to potential guests now reaching out to him to ask to be on the show. One marker of his success was when Bob Doyle, a participant in the movie The Secret, reached out to be on the show. Wize has been a fan of The Secret since it came out and was blown away that this man would want to be on this show he started from nothing.
Now, two years after launching his podcast, solidly in his mid-forties, Wize finally feels like he knows why he’s here and where he wants to go. He knows what he’s here to do. He wants to use his voice to reach people with stories that will impact their lives. He’s branching out into public speaking, which is another purpose-driven extension of the lane he’s chosen to work in.
SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
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James Wisdom realized at age 40 that he was going to die someday and, while he loved what he did and the life he had built, he felt like he was going through the motions in a lot of ways and doing all the things he was supposed to be doing. So he made some changes and his life looked very different at the end of the year than it did at the beginning, which included changing his career, ending a long-term relationship, changing his friends, and even where he lived and his lifestyle. He talks a lot about discomfort and how it can be a useful feeling, despite how much we all work to avoid it. James uses the language of art and philosophy to reflect on where he’s been and where he’s going.
Guest Bio
James Wisdom is a nationally exhibited and world-renowned fine artist, illustrator, and tattooer. James, is currently enjoying a thriving art, illustration, and tattooing practice; he is also an educator, scholar, and author. He received his Bachelor of Fine Arts degree with a specialization in oil painting from the American Academy of Art and his Master of Fine Arts degree in studio arts from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. In addition to his artistic interests, James has contributed to various publications such as Ninth Letter, Studio Visit Magazine, and he is a contributor to the upcoming Anthology of Hegel’s Phenomenology of Spirit (Philosophy Portal, 2022). He hosts a weekly drawing and tattoo-themed stream that can be seen on Reinventing the Tattoo, streamed on YouTube, and Facebook.
Meet James WisdomForty was a big year of transformation for James Wisdom. He was in a long term relationship, a full time instructor at an art college in Chicago and, though he loved what he did and where he was, he felt like he was going through the motions in many ways. Then came the realization that he was forty and was going to die eventually and that he was doing all the things he thought he was supposed to be doing. He resigned his teaching position and went back to his true love, tattooing.
Quitting his job gave James the space to be creative and to build something new, even though he didn’t know exactly where he was going. He became more open to friendships than he had been in the past and felt like there was a wide world of opportunity for him to step into.
James has a weekly tattoo and drawing themed podcast that streams on YouTube and Facebook in partnership with a tattoo education company. He says he’s teaching a lot of the same subjects he taught at the art college, without the barrier of tuition. After years of study and teaching, he developed his own interpretation of the fundamentals and he’s presenting that in an accessible way now, which he finds rewarding.
He has also separated from his long-time partner and moved out of Chicago. His new tattooing job is in Indianapolis, about a 4 hour drive and a world away culturally from Chicago.
Living IntentionallyAround the time he turned 40, James began to reflect on who he was and what he was doing. He wondered about destiny. He appreciates where he came from and knows that he wouldn't be where he is now without all of the things that came before. He tries not to live with regrets. He says it’s difficult to accept who you are and everything that you’re responsible for. He thinks that if you’re demonizing yourself or your past, then you’re not appreciating the big picture.
James is doing his best to accept and be present for the transformation taking place in his life now because, he points out, this part will only happen once in this lifetime. He’s optimistic for the future because of the seismic shifts he’s already experienced. They’ve given him a new perspective of what’s possible. So rather than regretting past choices, he approaches those reflections with the perspective that he’s learned from those experiences and won’t make those choices...
Angie Simmons remembers being happiest around when she was 30. She met and fell in love with someone. They bought a house, got married and had a baby girl they named Summer. Then, on the day after Summer’s second birthday, her life imploded when her brother was killed riding his motorcycle to her house. That led to a bunch of dark years where Angie felt stuck in an endless loop of things not going well. A chance Facebook message from an old school friend, and a single audio CD changed her life so much that, 10 years later, when her mom died she was able to process her grief and sadness in a much healthier way.
Guest BioAngie Simmons is a single mum and pet owner who lives in an old mining town called Mansfield in the UK. She is a qualified coach, personal development and mental wellness mentor, author, Inspirational public speaker, and the founder of the Growth Development Foundation.
Growth Development Foundation was born after five years of intense inner work, therapy, and study. By turning her mental mess into her message, Angie inspires, empowers, and supports open-minded mission-driven Individuals, who are looking for change but are not sure how. Angie helps them create a life of fulfillment, find their unique power within, improve their mindset and gain more clarity by helping them untangle their internal world so they can expand their external.
The Best of Times, The Worst of TimesAngie Simmons looks back at the time she was around 30 as the happiest time in her life. She met and fell in love with her brother’s best friend. They bought a house, got married and had a baby girl they named Summer. Then, on the day after Summer’s second birthday, her life imploded when her brother, who was her best friend, was killed on his motorcycle while he was on his way to her house.
She felt guilty because she was the one who introduced him to motorcycles. She started drinking to deal with her grief and, on top of some anti anxiety medication, it numbed her out. For the next two years, Angie tried to stay busy but she never really dealt with her grief - she didn’t know how. Then, on Boxing Day in 2009 her husband left and Angie says she hit the self-destruct button.
She found herself in significant credit card debt, which made her feel like she had to work all the time to pay the bills. She even started a dog grooming business on the side. But that meant that her daughter was with other people most of the time, either in an after-school program, with one of her grandmothers, an aunt or her dad. And Summer wasn’t doing well, either. She was being picked on at school, unhappy, angry, at the bottom of her class.
Angie says this went on for what felt like forever. She says it was like a bottomless pit. Every time she clawed her way up a little, she slid back down again. She felt like a failure.
The Day Life ChangedAngie received a Facebook message from a school friend she hadn’t seen in 20 years. They went to get coffee and, when Angie learned she was a therapist, she unloaded. After hearing her whole story, her friend said she might be able to help, but that “help” came in the form of another business - network marketing. Angie was not amused, seeing as she was already on a hamster wheel. The friend gave her a CD and asked her to listen to it on the way home. It was a personal development CD.
Angie listened to the CD anytime her hands were busy and her mind started to walk. She listened to it nonstop for six weeks and realized it was starting to make her think differently.
Meanwhile, she was exceptionally stressed and struggling with her emotions so she asked her boss for two days off each month. In response, her boss asked how her dog grooming was going. Angie told her it was earning her a couple hundred pounds each month, which was helpful for paying her credit card. The boss said, "Well, you need to...
Melissa DaSilva realized she was the only one working towards - or even interested in - the dream life she and her husband talked about. Then came the pandemic and forced togetherness, which made them realize they weren’t well suited as partners. So at 39, after 14 years together and 8 married, she asked for a divorce. And while that experience was hard, it allowed her to pursue a life that truly fits her and makes her happy - and one that builds in room for naps, which she considers necessary for her success. And now that she’s over 40, she’s less concerned about what other people think about her decisions, which she says is so freeing.
Guest Bio
An Expert in creating authentic lifestyles through unconventional ways of things and developing roadmaps to get there, Mellissa is a sought-after public speaker and educator who leaves her audiences feeling understood, entertained, and inspired to create change. Melissa’s success wasn’t achieved in the typical sense. Growing up as an artist with a learning disability, she found her unique path for creating wealth and a dream lifestyle while developing programs to address the mental health needs of the LGBTQ+ community and creating physical NFTs that make an impact on our changing world.
Career InspirationMelissa DaSilva was an introverted teenager struggling with mental health issues after her parents’ divorce. She credits a school social worker for getting her through high school, so much so that she thought “I wanna grow up and be Tracy someday.”
She pursued social work in college and graduate school and feels lucky to have been in touch with Mrs. Lamb, her fourth grade teacher through school. As someone who struggled with a learning disability, she struggled with collecting her thoughts and writing papers. Mrs. Lamb graded most of the papers she wrote for her master’s program, making sure that they were coherent and well written. Her social work internship was working under Tracy in her old school.
After getting her MSW degree, Melissa became a school social worker at a performing arts high school so she could “be somebody else’s Tracy.” Before long, though, she realized she didn’t like working for other people and she knew she needed a schedule that allowed for her to fit in naps, which she says is a part of her constitution.
Dating My Best Friend’s BrotherWhen she graduated college, Melissa started dating her best friend’s brother, which naturally caused some ripples, especially since her best friend said they’d never last. They got married after dating for six years. Her husband was very supportive of her career and her desire to start her own business. They bought a house and Melissa helped to take care of his disabled mother.
So now Melissa had a career, a supportive partner, a house, and free time. And, while this is what “everybody says you should want when you grow up,” Melissa found herself unfulfilled. “But there was one night I was laying in bed and I just felt so empty.” She felt like there must be something missing; this couldn’t be “it.”
Melissa had been vocal about not wanting to live in Rhode Island forever; the winters don’t agree with her constitution and the summers aren’t long enough. She wanted to figure out how to move somewhere warm, like Puerto Rico, but she realized she was more excited by that dream than he was.
Then came the pandemic and, like many other people, they had to spend a lot of time together, which made them realize they probably weren’t the best partners even though they loved each other a lot. While they had always been “Team DaSilva,” she realized it was more “Team DaSilva but Melissa is pulling a lot of the weight.” That opened her eyes to the fact that her husband had been addicted to substances - either marijuana or alcohol - for the entire time they had been together. After her eyes were opened,
Kari Ginsburg used her response to formative experiences in her 20s and 30s to move closer to her true self. Those formative experiences include an emotionally unstable marriage and surviving a brain tumor, not, “I had to work hard for a bad boss,” but she did that, too. With every step she took closer to her true self, life got easier. Today, she runs her own executive coaching practice where she ministers to her audience of “glitter bombs.” She also has some pretty specific goals she wants to accomplish in her forties that include paying down debt, growing her business and not being an a-hole.
Guest Bio
Kari nerds out about supporting people through personal or organizational transformation. She is a Professional Certified Coach through the International Coaching Federation and One of the first 500 recipients of the globally-recognized Certified Change Management Professional accreditation. As the HBIC (that's Head Badass In Charge) of Uproar Coaching, LLC, Kari supports women and femme leaders who want to spread out, get loud, and be boss bitches. In her free time, Kari enjoys anything true crime, snuggling with her rescue dogs, and she is losing the battle against the weeds in her garden.
Finding Herself in Her 20sKari Ginsburg graduated college a year early, returned home and took a teaching job, though she had no formal teaching education and a theater degree. She thought a lot about what it meant to be a grownup while still living at home and having no friends. She knew she wanted to do theater professionally and she didn’t want to wait tables.
She was in a long-distance relationship with someone who was still in college and, truth be told, it wasn’t the healthiest relationship. She allowed herself to be made small and shifted into someone she wasn’t. She ended up marrying this person when they graduated college and that turned into an emotionally unstable and unhealthy relationship.
She moved into a job that she was very good at but didn’t love and was feeling unfulfilled in almost every aspect of her life. She felt both stifled and lonely. As an introvert, she doesn’t mind being alone, but points out there’s a difference between choosing solitude and being in despair.
As someone who was raised to be strong and independent, Kari didn’t feel comfortable “bothering” anyone with her emotional concerns. She was left to figure things out for herself and it took a long time for her to realize that she deserved better than she was getting in her relationship. Once she made that decision, though, her whole life changed and her career surged. She did do some wrestling with the concept of being a divorcee at the same time she was getting engagement announcements from many of her friends and peers.
A few years later Kari ‘traded up’ and married someone with whom she can be her “weird, strange, loud nerd” self and still be loved and supported. She finally gets to be and to do all of those things that she finds interesting that she’s curious about, and is fully supported.
“Best Case” Brain TumorWhen she was 30, Kari started having some bizarre physical symptoms. The right side of her face felt numb and a little tingly. She thought it was related to an emergency double root canal she had recently. She went to the dentist who said it wasn’t related, but maybe she should see her PCP about Shingles. The PCP said it wasn’t shingles and sent her to a neurologist, who found a brain tumor nestled behind her right ear.
She calls her diagnosis the best case of bad luck because the tumor was completely benign, albeit huge. When she had the tumor removed she lost hearing in her right ear and the right side of her face was paralyzed for eight weeks. She worked with an occupational therapist to regain mobility in her face, and only shows evidence of her ordeal when she’s tired.
In her eight weeks of recovery, Kari had a lot of time
Elle Nagy was living in a foreign country with small children when she found herself slipping into depression. Several years later, and on the on the brink of suicide, Elle asked the Universe for a sign, which it sent in the form of a kickboxing dojo she had never noticed before. She started that day and the sheer physical exertion of kickboxing lifted her years long depression in mere weeks. And then she became hungry for life. She competed in her first Ironman at age 41 and is known today as the Fear Maven after an encounter with a voice in her head during that race. Guest Bio Elle Nagy is the only self-leadership expert who utilizes an innovative, ground-breaking model for pioneering women around the world who want to stop fearing fear in an age where so many are expending energy around fear instead of legacy. Known as The Fear Maven, she's been selectively working with business leaders described as inclusive, humanitarian, disruptive and energetic. Her work spans 3 decades with professional qualification including BA Psychology, ILS Coaching, Pranic Psychotherapy, Yoga teaching and Personal Training bringing a truly holistic approach to embodiment of greatness potential. In addition to her love for her profession, she’s relished the physical exploration of her own potential by participating in numerous cycling races, IronMan events and the illustrious SkyRun. Originally from South Africa, Elle now lives in New Zealand and as always obsesses in all things celebrating the gift of human life today, every day. Early Life was So EasyElle Nagy was a good girl growing up in South Africa. She got good grades and did all the things that made her parents proud - but not enough to make other people feel bad about themselves. Her childhood was typical and she says she was a little weird, but she always wondered if the stork dropped her off at the right house. She was told she was too loud, too different, “too” many things. So she worked hard, got all A’s in school, earned awards and achieved things, but never felt good enough. She says achievement became such a part of her operating system that it was the only thing she knew. It did set her up to do well in adult society…until it didn’t. Through her 20s she found life to be easy. She got a job, got promotions, and got a degree. She felt confident and unstoppable. Then, she got pregnant and her world changed. In Afrikaans culture, the next step is marriage, so she married her childhood sweetheart and became a mom - something she never thought she wanted to be. When her second baby was six weeks old, the family moved to Ireland. Elle remembers her 30th birthday: it was pouring rain and she was sitting in a maroon-painted room crying. She remembers thinking she had no idea who she was. She knew she was a wife, a mom and a daughter, but she had no idea who she was on her own, which sent her spiraling down into depression. After several years of being depressed, she became suicidal. She found it difficult to reach out for help. In her family, these things weren’t spoken of. One time, she told her mother she thought something was wrong and she thought she was depressed. Her mother told her “women in our family don’t get depressed.” So Elle thought, oops, sorry, and carried on.
Her family eventually moved back to South Africa and Elle didn’t feel like she was coping well, with the moves, with her kids, with the deaths of several family members. She remembers sitting in the bathroom one day with a bottle of sleeping pills thinking, “this is it. I’m done.” Then she heard her kids’ voices and realized that the pills might be an easy out for her, but not for her kids. So she made a doctor’s appointment.
She told the doctor, “if you don’t help me today, I will not see my children tonight.” She was diagnosed and put on antidepressants and sent to therapy. It sucked and she hated it. She hated the antidepressant. She didn’t want to kill...
Kim Hagle was a stay at home mom to three young kids when she started working out with a personal trainer. She loved how she felt - and looked - and eventually got certified as a trainer herself. But her hobby-turned-career turned into an unhealthy obsession with size and weight. Kim’s journey to self acceptance began with the baby she had at 40: a beautiful boy with Down Syndrome who taught her to just be herself. At the age of 42, she overcame disordered eating and exercise habits, and obsessing over her weight and found joyful movement, body acceptance and food freedom. Guest Bio Kim Hagle is Certified Personal Trainer, Registered Holistic Nutritionist, Body Image Coach and founder of Radiant Vitality Wellness. Kim hosts The Joyful Movement Show podcast, where she inspires women to disconnect movement from weight loss and re-engage with movement as a form of self care. Through movement and mindset coaching, she helps women heal their relationship with food and exercise while disconnecting their worth from their weight, so they can feel healthy, happy and confident in the body they have. A New Hobby Leads to an Unhealthy ObsessionAt 35, Kim Hagle had left her nursing career to be a stay at home mom to her three kids. While she valued being at home with the kids and they could afford for her to be home, Kim had always valued her career. So she found herself struggling with her identity. She felt a lot of “not enough-ness” and she thought it was because she wasn’t happy with her body and she had to lose weight. While she had a long history of dieting, she had never been athletic and had never worked out. A friend turned her on to a personal trainer who would come to the house while the baby was napping. As she worked out, she started feeling stronger and more capable, and the hobby turned into an obsession. She started running and winning road races and fitness became as much her identity as stay-at-home-mom. She eventually got certified as a personal trainer and decided to turn it into her career - but it pretty quickly turned into an unhealthy obsession. Kim said she was always a “straight size,” meaning she could always walk into any store and find something that fit. But she thinks most women are conditioned to think that if we just lost weight, we’d feel better. And, at the beginning, she did get a lot of validation and praise for how she looked. But that came with anxiety around “what if I gain the weight back?” In about a year, Kim lost about 50 pounds and dropped from a size 12 to a size 2, but maintaining that required a lot of work. She had to watch what she ate very closely. She had to exercise for multiple hours each day, every day. Through it all, she wondered if there was some accolade or accomplishment that would finally make her feel good enough, but she never found it. And, when her youngest child was four, she and her husband decided to end their marriage, which caused her to be more obsessive about her heating and working out - not so much as a quest to be thin, but as a mode of stress relief. She found she ran a lot during that time. A Second Chance at LoveA few months after her divorce, Kim met a man she thought would be a summer fling but who she soon realized was the real deal. They dated long distance for a while and got married when she was 39. Her husband didn’t have any children of his own and as their relationship developed, Kim realized how important it was to him to become a dad. In their discussions about having children, Kim told him that, because of her age, there was a high likelihood that their child would have chromosomal abnormalities. Her then-boyfriend’s response was "No big deal. Like If that happens it's what's meant to be, it'll be great. We'll rock it." At that moment, Kim had a vision of a little blonde boy with down syndrome running towards them. And now they are parents to a little five year old blonde boy with down...
Mike Montague has discovered the fountain of youth. After realizing that he had done a lot of things on the “adult checklist” Mike wondered if retirement was the only thing he had to look forward to - after 25 more years of Groundhog Days. He didn’t want to sacrifice and grind and hope that it would pay off someday. Instead, he wanted to enjoy the present. After some introspection and a little research, Mike realized that play and being in a playful state is how we can find sustainable happiness and motivation. So why did we stop taking recess after grade school? Guest Bio Mike Montague is the Director of Community Engagement at Sandler. He is also a game show host, public speaker, podcaster, and writer at Playful Humans. He has been a radio DJ, karaoke host, virtual game show host, MC, and DJ for live events including opening for Billy Idol, Frankie Valli, and MC-ed at Toby Keith's Bar & Grill. Playful Humans is a community designed to help the burned-out and bored get re-energized and engaged with life. His mission is to help adults discover the power of playing for a living and how to avoid a midlife crisis. Find out more at https://www.playfulhumans.com (www.playfulhumans.com). Playful Humans Mike Montague’s current project is called Playful Humans and playfulness is something he’s working to cultivate in his life. He believes that most people who are trying to live an authentic life are usually trying to solve a problem for other people that they face themselves. For Mike, he needed to be more playful, so he decided to try to help others with that as well. Mike thinks the getting-older process sucks. He says it’s a lot like going bald. It's cool if you're bald, it's cool if you have hair, but it's the “-ding” that gets you in trouble. Bald-ing is not cool for anybody, says Mike who started shaving his head when he was 30. He feels similar about turning 40. The getting older part kind of sucks because you realize "Yesterday I could sneeze without hurting myself. What happened? I hurt myself sleeping. I woke up with a crick in my neck. This is not cool!" Just before he turned 40, Mike had a kidney stone that got stuck and found out that he had a weird, genetic kidney condition that usually affects children. He ended up in the hospital with a stint in his ureter. He had to cancel a business trip to London and make a presentation virtually, instead of in person. All of which woke him up to the fact that he had to start taking care of himself better than he had as a younger man. Midlife CrisisBetween his kidney stone, a 40th birthday dinner that wasn’t well attended and the pandemic, Mike feels like it all came together as a midlife crisis of sorts. Even before the pandemic, though, he had started feeling like things weren't working very well. He climbed enough of the corporate ladder to know that the only thing left was more ladder, and that it wasn’t leaning on anything solid. He came away thinking there wasn’t anything interesting up there. If you like the continuous pursuit and stress of trying to earn more and make more and get more power and move up in the world, Mike says there is enough for you for the rest of your life. As a kid, Mike played a lot of competitive sports and it was fun because the game ended or the season ended and you won or you lost. There was an end to it. But as an adult, that striving, competing is non-stop. There is no end to the game or season. There is no final exam or summer break as there is in school. When he realized that, he started to reevaluate, to think about sustainability, to wonder when there was time to be happy. He didn’t want to spend the rest of his life doing sprints and burning himself out. It was during that thought process that he came across research about playing and a lightbulb went off. Mike has always been playful and creative. He likes to geek out on things, to make things and perform and all...
Stephanie looks back and distills the lessons from the conversations she had with guests in Season 1 and then looks forward to what’s coming up in Season 2. SponsorThe Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by https://savoirfaire-us.com/ (Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications) https://fortydrinks.com/guest (Tell me a fantastic “forty story.” ) Listen, Rate & Subscribehttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/forty-drinks/id1618969891 (Apple Podcasts ) https://open.spotify.com/episode/4dLEN9bf7w3IxNYDwSfIXf (Spotify)
Fiona Thorson started dealing with a variety of apparently unrelated medical issues when she was in her mid-20s. For almost 15 years, she worked with allopathic and holistic doctors, eventually getting diagnosed with Lyme Disease and spending a year so debilitated she couldn’t work. She learned to trust herself more than the doctors who couldn’t cure her chronic illness and identified three root causes that were preventing her from getting better. Since she started working on those, she’s been getting stronger and launched a health and wellness business to help others like her find good health and vitality. Guest Bio On your podcast, Fiona Thorson will share a story that will resonate with listeners who have struggled with chronic illness. One thing we have in common is that we often go unheard or dismissed. People are often told they are not really sick or that they're sick but they have to just live with it, but I don't believe we do. I have a passion – I believe that everyone has the innate ability to heal themselves, that there is power in the mind’s influence on the body. But there is a problem. The problem is that our modern world is full of toxins that go largely unaddressed and unacknowledged, which result in damage to one’s health and well-being, and supportive therapies and practices are less effective. For more than 15 years with chronic illness, I tried numerous allopathic and holistic therapies, as well as mind-body techniques. While I got some temporary relief, my health was still failing. That is, until I identified the root causes of my illness, namely environmental toxins, such as heavy metal toxicity, nanoparticle poisoning & electromagnetic sensitivity. That’s why I now teach others how to detox from those toxins so that once this obstacle to cure is overcome, the mind-body connection can more easily be restored, and other health practices will have improved results. From this may come less pain, more energy and stamina, better memory, and more time to do things in life that bring joy. Insidious OnsetFiona Thorson started having health problems in her mid 20s. Her first diagnosis was hyperthyroid, something she had to learn about because she didn’t even know what a thyroid was at the time. What she was feeling was consistent with hyperthyroid symptoms - feeling cold, peeling fingernails, tired, constipated - so she started on Synthroid and felt grateful her doctor had ordered the blood test. A couple years later, she started having panic attacks and then recurrent bacterial vaginosis and bladder infections. Doctors prescribed antibiotics for each occurrence so she took them. Then, while she was teaching English in the Middle East, she knew something was wrong so she went to the doctor, who removed her appendix. By the time she was 28 she was having major bladder issues, getting up to pee six or seven times a night. Changing her diet reduced that to only two times each night. She started doing Kundalini yoga for both physical and mental fitness. For the next five years, Fiona still had stomach pain and migraines, which were worsening. She was losing energy and strength despite swimming, walking, bike riding and doing yoga. She lived on a hill and would ride her bike around town to do her errands, but riding - and even walking - up that hill was getting harder and harder so she sold her bike and started taking the bus instead. Her doctors didn’t know what was going on. She was tested for diabetes twice, diabetes insipidus three times, celiac disease - they were all negative. She had an ovarian cyst and fibroids on her uterus, so her periods were excruciating. It got so bad she started to believe her doctors, who were telling her that she was just stressed out and needed a vacation. She started thinking “maybe I’m making it all up. Maybe it’s all in my head.” She started working with different spiritual modalities and meditation, but none of them
After focusing on building her career and getting through grad school, Jenny Quartano realized her marriage had deteriorated to the point of no return. And that her husband was an alcoholic who wasn’t dealing with his stuff and wasn’t getting any better. So she left and struggled through finding her footing again. She started with a familiar coping mechanism, the nightly glass of wine, but found it wasn’t really working. So she started doing things that did make her feel better, working her body to physical exhaustion and getting good sleep. She has since rebuilt her life into something that brings her joy on a daily basis. Guest Bio Dr. Quartano spent her 20s and 30s building a strong career and honing her skills as an expert in the field of physical therapy. As she stumbled into her private practice working in client homes, she became acutely aware of just how much the way we live and function each day impacts our lives and health. She dove into learning more about holistic health and the role nutrition, exercise, stress, relationships, and sleep play in our ability to maintain a healthy life. Simultaneously, she found herself going through a terrible divorce and dealing personally with those factors. Each day was a choice--to get up, show up, and continue to control the things she could. Overcoming this stress with success and more clear than ever before in her life mission, she set out to start helping others use the same lifestyle factors and mindset to meet their own goals. She doesn’t subscribe to common symptoms being normal or deteriorating health being a symptom of age and seeks to help other women find their best self to be the best mom, wife, professional or athlete they desire to be. When not working with children and families, she can be found focusing on her own health - building healthy habits that empower her own continued development and balance. She enjoys time with her family, laughing with girlfriends, traveling, and soaks up the dream of living at the beach whenever she can. This is 40, and it has brought so much clarity in her own life, her mission, and her passion--and growth in her business! Cheers! How Did I Get Here? Jenny Quartano moved across the country for grad school. Her romantic relationship had turned into something she didn’t recognize. She spent so much energy focusing on her career, she didn’t realize how far the relationship had deteriorated. She found herself in her mid-30s and living with an alcoholic who wasn’t doing his share to keep up things at home. As a strong person, Jenny just kept on pushing until things started to break down. The situation devolved further to abuse, which she knew came from him not being able to control things in his life, but it wasn’t getting any better and he wasn’t putting in the work to fix it, so she left. Used to being a person who could ‘do it all,’ Jenny found herself struggling and having to lean on her network, which she found humbling. She learned an important lesson, though: it’s ok to say, ‘I’m not ok.’ She also learned the precarious slope towards alcohol misuse herself. Now on her own, there was no reason to keep alcohol out of the house, and it was almost too easy to grab a glass of wine to unwind. She learned quickly, though, that the glass of wine to unwind ultimately wasn’t helping with sleep or her mood. What worked better was the gym. As a physical therapist, Jenny found that physically exhausting her body was a much better solution. It helped her sleep and got her started putting things back together. Then she started with some goal setting and asking herself what she wanted to do now. She also wondered what she didn’t really care about any longer. As she started moving forward she met the man who became her husband. Because she was coming out of such a challenging period, she was pretty bold in saying what she needed and what she wouldn’t tolerate. Her friends thought she would scare him...
Joanne Morton declared herself an artist when she turned 40. She spent the summer with a friend in Miami painting, drawing and photographing mangoes that fell from a neighbor’s tree into her backyard. She always hesitated to call herself an artist, but here she was spending a month drawing mangoes. Joanne didn’t think she could draw, so how could she be an artist? A wise friend of hers told her, “Joanne, you can draw. You just have to accept the way you draw.” At 45, she left her apartment of 16 years in New York City to travel the country and begin an interactive community art project, which she’s still working on to this day. Guest Bio Joanne Morton is an artist, speaker, event producer, creative expression strategist, and community engagement activist. Originally from the Midwest, Joanne spent many years in New York City until 2010 when she was inspired to become a traveling artist. Joanne uses art, gratitude, laughter, and visualization together to encourage conversation and action to create hope for ourselves, communities and world. Her art and events help people activate positive energy within themselves so they go from feeling stressed and frustrated to feel relaxed and motivated. When people feel relaxed it Resets Energy, Creates Ease and Sustains Success in their lives thus giving them motivation to collaborate to create positive change with others. Joanne is currently working on her interactive community engagement art project CIRCLES OF HOPE: Co-Creating Positive Change. When we can see our collective vision, it inspires action and solutions that uplifts others. Everyone is invited to be a part of it - reach out to her online! Declaring Herself an ArtistJoanne turned 40 in 2005 when she was living in NYC. She remembers asking her friends to kick in money so she could buy a 40-gig iPod to celebrate her 40th birthday. Joanne moved to NYC when she was 29 and spent her 30s enjoying all that the City had to offer in the late 90s and trying to figure out who she was. When she turned 40, she felt something shift; she says she felt like a woman for the first time. The summer before she turned 40, Joanne was in between jobs. A friend invited her to spend the summer in the sunroom at his house three blocks from north Miami Beach. She sublet her apartment and headed south for the summer. She thought she’d work on a one-woman play she had started. Instead she started painting and drawing and photographing mangoes in the backyard. She had always hesitated to call herself an artist, but here she was spending a month drawing mangoes. Joanne thought she couldn’t draw, so how could she be an artist? A wise friend of hers told her, “No, Joanne. You can draw. You just have to accept the way you draw.” (Which is, BTW, pretty damn good advice for any of us on any subject!) So Joanne decided to start calling herself an artist. Meanwhile, she had been studying manifesting and the law of attraction. When she returned to New York in the fall, she manifested an amazing art studio in Chinatown. Joanne mentioned the book Tales of the City by Armistead Maupin, in which one of the characters says, "Everybody needs a hot job, a hot apartment and a hot lover." Here she was at 40 with all three and experiencing a blossoming of her work. A Time to LeaveJoanne believes in “divine time.” By 2009 she had given up her art studio and was trying to make everything work in her tiny, sixth-floor walkup, but it just wasn’t working. So she decided to give up her apartment of 16 years and travel the country with an art project she wanted to create. Two days after her 45th birthday, she left New York City and headed south to Atlanta and then Tybee Island, outside of Savannah. What she thought would be a couple days turned into six months that she spent writing and painting and sketching out, imagining and manifesting what she wanted her life to look like. Her parents gave her their old minivan, which gave
As she approached 40, Julie Coraccio realized that her life was probably about half over and she wanted to spend the rest of it following her own path. These thoughts pushed her far enough out of her comfort zone that she started her decluttering and organizing business when she was 40. Julie defines ‘clutter’ as anything that prevents you from creating the life you choose, deserve and desire. In her view, it could be physical stuff, but could also be outdated thought patterns or emotional blocks. Your messy desk might not just be clutter. It might be a roadblock to a promotion. Guest Bio Julie Coraccio is an award-winning professional life, and end of life, organizer, certified life coach, and professional declutter’er. She is passionate about supporting people in clearing clutter in all areas of their lives; getting organized; and becoming more mindful and aware. She hosts the popular podcast, Clear Your Clutter Inside & Out and is the author of 15 books. Happily married to Tony she is also at the beck and call of 3 rescued black cats Antonio, NiNi and Gus. Based in Wheeling, WV, Julie works with people all over the world. She enjoys hiking, reading, learning about environmental and animal issues, baking and spending time with her nieces and nephew. The bathtub is her woman cave. Getting OrganizedJulie Coraccio is passionate about supporting people in clearing clutter. She started her business when she was 40 but the roots of it go back to her 20s when she was nannying for a family in Massachusetts. One day she had to take the kids somewhere and she forgot the diaper bag, which meant a 40 minute drive back home and then back again. While she was a fairly organized person, this was a wake up call for her to get her act together. Over time, friends and family thought of her as “uptight” and they’d ask her for help organizing. Then, when she found herself in a job that wasn’t so great, she thought about all the things she could do and organizing was top of the list. After she finished nannying, Julie moved to Los Angeles with the dream of becoming a screenwriter and almost sold a script. She did some work in the industry and then stumbled on an opportunity to become a grant writer for a nonprofit. She woke up one morning and heard her internal voice say “move to Raleigh.” She had never been there but believed in listening to her intuition so she made the move. Julie said, when it comes to those internal voices, sometimes it’s tough to tell whether it’s intuition or ego talking. When what the voice is saying is completely outlandish, that’s a good clue that it’s intuition. She said a mindfulness practice helps to tune into the voices and distinguish one from the other. If you sit quietly and close your eyes, that helps quiet the ego. And starting with easy questions is a nice way to tune in as well. What do I want for lunch - a salad or a cheeseburger? We’re accustomed to choosing the “health food,” but sometimes your body just needs the cheeseburger. There are little exercises we can do to reinforce our intuition. Stand up, close your eyes and ask yourself a question. If your body sways forward, that’s a yes to the question. If your body sways backwards, it’s your body’s way of saying “whoa!” She got a job in Raleigh but knew within two weeks that it was a bad fit so she used the 13 months she was at the job to figure out a business plan. She knew she was good at organizing so she worked with SCORE to register the business and build a website. By the time she left her job, she was ready to roll. Shortly after she started her business she met with a woman who said, “I hate organizers.” Normally, Julie would have reacted but this time she just asked why. The woman answered that she found them to be wasteful and Julie pointed out that it didn’t have to be wasteful and listed out the many ways to be green, which led her to specialize in eco-organization, which then...
Ann Plucinak lost her dad suddenly when she was 38 just as she was leaving a job and she and her husband were relocating to a new city. The holidays came soon after her dad’s passing and the job she thought would be easy to find wasn’t. This bowlful of ick led to an 18-month period of grief, sadness and depression, which she climbed out of just in time for her 40th birthday, thanks to her work with a great therapist. Today, she’s loving that new city, found a great job and, if she wrote a memoir, it would be titled “She Thought She Was Being Funny.” Guest BioAnn Plucinak grew up in Duluth, MN (about 150 miles north of Minneapolis). After college she moved to the northeast and hasn't looked back. Since then she has lived in CT, Long Island NY, NH and now Cleveland, OH. She’s been married for 11 years and her husband, James, is pretty awesome. She has two adult stepkids and one spoiled cat named Gary. She works in field Human Resources for a craft company and enjoys spending her free time knitting and making random things with her Cricut. “In most ways,” she says, “I'm pretty boring.” Life Goes SidewaysAnn Plucinak had a really tough year the year she was 38. It began with her husband getting a new job, which, for them, usually entails a move since they both work in retail careers. Her husband was contacted by a prospective new boss in mid-October of that year. He had a conversation with them and said he wouldn’t move after November 1, since that’s going into the holiday season and it wouldn’t be fair to his current company. Instead of slowing the conversation down, it sped it up and they made him a verbal offer on October 31, which came with a move to Cleveland. The following weekend they went to Cleveland to look for an apartment. Ann remembers calling her dad from the airport to tell him they were moving. She had been on the East Coast for 15 years by then and Cleveland was within driving distance of her hometown. Her dad was excited that she would be so close. They found an apartment in Cleveland and flew home on Sunday. On Monday, Ann got a call from her dad’s live-in girlfriend that her dad had fallen and was unresponsive and she should come home. She booked plane tickets and told her husband she thought he should come. By the time she got home, the doctors said there was nothing they could do. They unplugged all his life support and spent the next week making plans and saying goodbye. They flew back to New Hampshire on a Sunday and her husband left the following Saturday to move to Cleveland and start his new job. He hadn’t started with a new company for about 15 years, so everything was new and his onboarding was going to be intense. Ann had planned to stay behind for another six weeks, finish work and pack up their home. Ann checked out of everything other than work. Only her immediate coworkers knew what was going on, which was fine by her. She didn’t want to have to say the words “my dad died” so she stopped doing pretty much everything else. Her coworkers also knew that being alone wasn’t going to be good for her, so they rallied around and took care of her until she could get to Cleveland in December. Then came the “firsts,” starting with Christmas. Do You Want to See Someone? Ann thought finding a new job would be relatively easy when she got to Cleveland. She had a couple of career paths she could follow. She worked in retail for 20 years and she was getting her master’s degree in human resources. Plus, her most recent job was at a university. But nothing was panning out and Ann started breaking down. Her husband asked her, “Do you want to go see someone?” What he meant was, you’ve got friends all over the place, do you want to get out of here and go stay with a friend for a while. What Ann heard was, “Do you want to go to therapy?” Which turned out to be the right question. She realized that would be so helpful for her and, in fact, if...
When she turned 40, Niki Harris posted to Instagram 40 lessons she learned through her life. She started by saying “Forty is my masterpiece.” The lessons included pain from a health issue fueling her purpose but not letting her purpose be rooted in that pain. Niki is a strong woman who found herself feeling invisible inside her marriage and found the courage to take a healing journey, on which she says you either find the person you lost or you create a whole different person. On her journey, she did both. She found the person she lost in order to create the person she wanted to be as she stepped into her future. Guest Bio Niki Harris, also known as Life Coach Niki, has been a Life & Healing Coach for women for over 10 years. She obtained her BA in Psychology and MA in Counseling Psychology, and during her Internship, she had a very insightful epiphany. She realized that most of her clients, which were women, were seeking counseling due to current or unresolved trauma. Experiencing her own trauma and going through her healing journey, she realized that through her transparency and education, she could actually help women in this area. As a healing coach, she empowers women to take control and build their own lives, not based on their trauma, but their actual wants, needs, and desires. Niki Harris is also a mother of two beautiful children, Sky and Seth. “Forty is My Masterpiece”When she turned 40, Niki made a series of posts to Instagram of the forty things she had learned by the time she turned 40. She started by saying “Forty is my masterpiece.” She believes that as we find ourselves and find our purpose in life, learn why we’re here and step into our power - that’s our masterpiece. It allows us to design a life based on what you love, what you want, and what you’ve learned. At 40, Niki felt like she was putting together her masterpiece. She also said 40 was the accumulation of all the things she had been told she couldn't do and the fight she fought to accomplish those things. Niki was born in the 80s with sickle cell disease and her mom was told Niki wouldn’t live past six months old. While her mom prepared for the possibility that Niki would die young, she was also a believer. She had seen a woman in her 70s in the sickle cell clinic and thought, ‘if that woman can live that long, so can my daughter.’ Niki has spent a lot of her life listening to people tell her what she can’t do, including having children of her own or being successful in a career. Her entire life has been a fight to prove that she can have an abundant and flourishing life, no matter what challenges she faced. This element is a big piece of her masterpiece. She’s taken limitations and turned them into strengths. Sickle cell disease can cause pain on a daily basis, and can cause organs to shut down in some cases. The pain is comparable to that of a woman in labor. Since pregnancy is so hard on a healthy woman’s body, Niki was told it was something she shouldn’t do, which was difficult for her because it was something she’s always wanted to do. She is blessed with two happy, healthy children, who are also parts of her masterpiece. Lesson 24: Purpose“The pain I’ve experienced has definitely been what fuels my purpose but my purpose will not be rooted in pain.” The pain in this lesson is not just that of sickle cell. Niki’s been through a lot of things and sometimes feels like she’s had the lifespan of an 80-year-old. That’s what’s led her to her career as a life and healing coach for women. She teaches women how to go through the healing process so they can create their own masterpieces and live lives that are suited to them and not just to the societal ‘rule’ of what women should be. Niki has taken the pain of things she’s been through in her life and use it as fuel to teach other women how to maneuver through their own pain. Niki has always perceived her
Mindy Ruddock grew up dancing, earned her bachelor’s degree in dance and spent many years as a dance teacher until an injury ended her career. She pivoted and became a licensed massage therapist and an aesthetician and followed what she thought was the logical career path to a leadership position at a school that taught both disciplines. She thought she was doing the right thing but Mindy, who is by nature energetic and outgoing, was becoming ‘dulled’ and her husband diagnosed that she was completely burned out. Mindy talks about how she worked her way out of burnout and found her magic again. Guest bioMindy Ruddock is a 42 year old mother, wife, teacher, daughter and finder of magic. Following intuition is something Mindy has always done and it has led her to Wellness Coaching for women. Her passion for wellness and helping others long predates her professional career. Mindy uses the tools she has in her toolbox to help her clients but most of all she teaches her clients to trust their intuition and guides them to discover the magic they have inside. In her spare time Mindy enjoys spending time with her family. She loves being in her garden with her toes in the dirt and creating new products and programs for her clients and students. Witchy WomanMindy Ruddock calls herself a ‘witchy’ woman. She is a Massachusetts native who received her bachelor’s degree in dance. Mindy started dancing when she was five, studying ballet, tap and jazz through her childhood. When she got to college she was introduced to modern dance and learned how to connect her body, mind and spirit into movement. In ballet, tap and jazz dance, you are given precise movements to perform. In modern dance, the dancer uses their intuition along with the choreography. In learning to let go and find intuition, and learn the language of movement through her body, Mindy found her magic. After college, Mindy moved to Ohio and taught dance for a year and a half then moved home and took what she thought was the next logical step and married her college sweetheart. That lasted a year and a half. She was divorced by the time she was 25. She met her now-husband and had two children before they got married, a week after her youngest son turned one. They just celebrated their 13th anniversary. Throughout this time, she continued dancing and teaching dance until she tore her calf muscle at age 29 and learned that her body doesn’t heal the way it did when she was 20. She grieved her loss of dance. Shortly thereafter, Mindy went to massage school. As a massage therapist, she found a whole new way to use her body knowledge, transposing it into working with clients on the massage table. When a client pointed somewhere and said it hurt, she could pinpoint the muscle and solve the puzzle in her head. She used to call her clients puzzles because it was her goal to figure them out. She fell in love with her career. Mindy also got an aesthetics license and became a skincare specialist. Through these two professional avenues, she began to understand self care. While she preached it to her clients, she wasn’t doing a great job of practicing it herself. She feels like she’s still learning what works for her, though she knows she loves taking baths. She became a member of the state massage therapy license board and took the next logical step in her career and became a teacher, since she always loved teaching. She taught massage and aesthetics and eventually became the director of education at a massage and aesthetics school. BurnoutThen Mindy hit burnout. She thought she was taking the next logical step in her career. She thought she was doing the right thing. She found herself getting to work two hours before school started to get things done and eating lunch at her desk. She wasn’t feeling supported by her direct supervisor and wasn’t getting the training she needed. She also wasn’t getting the...
As a younger woman, Tara Marsh thought she would be married with two kids by the time she was 30. But she turned 40 and neither of those things were true. She did feel happy most of the time, rich in friendship and surrounded by love. But, she wrote: “the question of having a child is ever present and, whichever path I choose, I want to actively choose it, not have it happen to me because I ran out of time.” Turning 40 as a single woman in Manhattan forced her to reckon with some big questions, biggest of all being the baby question. Listen to the episode to find out what she decided. Guest Bio Tara is a 41 year old, dual British/American citizen who has lived in ten different countries and her accent is a consequent bizarre mix of them all. She has an MA in economics from Oxford University, and an MBA from INSEAD in France. By weekday she is a marketing exec for a consulting firm. By weekend she is a yoga teacher, an occasional wine tasting guide (sometimes yoga and wine together!) and a mermaid. Her hair changes color with the seasons. Right now she's embracing blues and purples! Before we Get Started: The Aquatic Elephant in the RoomBefore we get into our discussion around turning 40, we need to address the fact that Tara is a mermaid. https://www.instagram.com/starratales/ (Her Instagram )is full of pictures of her in mer-form. The way she explains it to children is that she’s half human and half mermaid, which is why sometimes she has legs and sometimes she has a tail. One of her parents was a mer-person which is why she has a tail when she’s in the water. The grown up version of the story is that she has been obsessed with mermaids since she was a child. She’s fascinated by yth, magic, the great epic battles of good versus evil and heroic acts. Yet she struggled with the fact that the female characters weren’t anything she could aspire to. Princesses were generally valued because they were pretty and maybe kind of sweet, but they pretty much always needed rescuing it. They didn't really seem to do anything very useful. The Little Mermaid story was the first one that gave Tara a lead character that was different because she saves the prince from drowning at the very beginning. She acknowledges that there are elements of the story that feminists can criticize. She may be going after a man, but it's still her choice and she runs away from home to do it. She also makes an enormous sacrifice for love at the end of the story, which Tara responded to. Tara wears a mermaid tail when she’s in the water. Her Instagram feed is full of pictures of her in a tail, which is a monofin that’s sort of like two scuba flippers put together. They have a fluidity to them making the movement in the water quite beautiful. And making Tara quite a fast swimmer. Tara calls herself a ‘water baby’ and says her dad was the parent who was of the mindset of throw them in and they'll figure it out. She did figure it out and then swam competitively at school. One thing she doesn’t do, but wishes she could, is freediving. She says she doesn’t have a good long breath hold. The mermaid community - and there is a mermaid community - is composed largely of extraordinary athletes and free divers and ocean conservationists - a pretty cool group of people. Facing FortyAs she approached 40, Tara was feeling introspective. She says there's not technically any reason why 40 should matter more than 39 or 38, but we do put meaning on these milestone moments. The introspection Tara was feeling at 40 was different from what she’d gone through at 30. She was stepping back and taking stock, wondering about her life and if it was what she wanted it to be. She wondered whether she was doing things just because that's what the world is telling her to do She wondered about work, friendships, and whether she wanted to have a baby. When she got to that particular item on the list, she realized that's where the 40 milestone
After attending his first horror convention, Lou Avilleira knew he wanted to dress up for the next one. He created a character he called Father Evil for his second “con” and was amazed by the positive feedback he got. So much so that he started attending cons regularly dressed as Father Evil and developed his own cult following among horror fans. Then things got serious. When he turned 40 he gave up his lifelong quest to fit in and decided to stop caring what other people thought. That allowed him to embrace - and become - this character, who is getting close to providing enough income that Lou can give up his day job and become “the Father” full time. Guest Bio Father Evil comes from the creative mind of Lou Avilleira. He first came up with the idea of the Holy Father in 2009 for a Halloween party. He received such positive feedback from his character that he decided to take it a little further. Starting out at Chiller Theatre as one of many costumed horror fans, he soon rose above as one of the best. Father Evil is now well known amongst the horror community with an extensive fan following. Lou Avilleira was born and raised in Perth Amboy, New Jersey. Born of Cuban immigrants, he was the first generation born in America. Having an early love of horror due to the influence of his mother, he's always had a love for the dark side. He is happily married to his wife of 15 years, Sarah, and has a son, Xavier. Lou currently resides in Woodbridge Township, New Jersey. The Birth of Father EvilLou’s character, Father Evil, was born in the ‘90s as a drawing that hung in a trendy coffee spot in Rutgers, NJ, called Indigo Jones. Lou saw that the shop hung creations from local artists and decided to submit one of his own. He created a cross between a ghastly, priestly looking figure, the Joker and Reverend Henry Kane from Poltergeist II. The figure had his hands in a prayer position and behind him it said, "In nomine patris, et filii, et spiritus sancti," "in the name of the father, the son and holy spirit." Lou has always been creative. In second grade, he memorized the pattern to draw Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and trained his hand to draw it. Growing up, he loved comic books, especially the X-Men. Then, around 2006, a friend of his wife’s was going to a horror convention, a “con” in the parlance. His wife knew Lou loved horror so the three of them went. Lou fell in love and vowed to dress up the next time he attended. Two years later, Lou made good on the promise. He was brainstorming on what to dress up as. He wondered what would scare people if they saw it in a dark alley. He discarded a clown, a vampire, a zombie - they’ve all been done before. He landed on a possessed priest, because if it can get to a priest, what chance do you have? He thought it would be a one-time thing. He got a $20 priest costume at Party City. He already sported a chop-style beard (though less glorious than it is today!) and he could arch his eyebrows and make an evil face. He got a pair of white-out contacts, hung a huge cross on his chest, and he was ready! I Think We’ve Got Something HereThe reception from other attendees was fantastic. People were asking to take pictures with him and he was loving it. As he made his way into one of the rooms, an Italian horror movie director caught sight of him. The director had a line of about 20 people for autographs but stepped away to talk to Lou. He told Lou the costume was so original, simple, but to the point. “Oh my God. I never saw. This is so simple. It's it's bad, but good.” He wondered if it could be that easy. In 2010, he started going to the cons more regularly, always dressed as Father Evil. In 2012, the year he turned 40, he started to take it seriously. He got serious about his outfit and upgraded from the $20 Halloween costume. Lou says he felt like a Phoenix coming out of the ashes. He says he found himself. Giving himself permission to...
Brooke Schrader had her first baby four months to the day before her 40th birthday. And five months after her 40th birthday she moved to Arizona with her family for a job. And throughout that year she was suffering from postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety. As someone who dealt with depression and anxiety previously, she anticipated some postpartum issues. But she was caught unaware when the ‘baby blues’ slipped into something more significant. Plus, her usual coping tools and strategies didn’t work with a new baby. Oh, and throw a midlife crisis on top of it all. Forty was a challenging year for Brooke. Guest Bio Brooke was born and raised in New England and currently resides in Gilbert, Arizona. In 2010, she embarked on a new adventure on the west coast. It was there in San Diego that she met her husband Brett. Brett and Brooke got married in 2015 and immediately tried to start a family. Unfortunately, it was not as easy as they had hoped. They were lucky though because after one round of IUI, Brooke was pregnant. After a relatively normal “geriatric” pregnancy, Brooke and Brett welcomed a healthy baby girl, Everly, on June 11, 2017. With a new baby, the prospect of a new job that would bring the family to a new state and the big 4-0 all within a few months of each other, 2017 was set to be an exciting year. Little did she know that the weeks following Everly’s birth she would find herself back in the hospital fighting an infection followed by almost a year of severe postpartum anxiety and depression. This is Brooke's story of what it was like for her to become a first time mom in her 40s. Meet BrookeBrooke Schrader was a New England girl, born and bred. She moved to San Diego at 33, met her husband at 35, got married at 37 and had her daughter in 2017 at age 39. Then, in 2018, she was up for a promotion at work that would relocate her to Arizona. That meant convincing her husband, who had been born and raised in the most beautiful place in the world, to move to the desert. At first he was resistant - not to moving, but to Arizona. Then, he looked at the price of buying a house and he got on board with the idea. Brooke works as a client relations executive at ADP Total Source. She likes it well enough that she hopes it’s the last company she will work for. Brooke had her daughter four months to the day before she turned 40. She turned 40 in October 2017 and moved to Arizona in March 2018. A lot happened that year! Getting PregnantAs a younger woman, Brooke wasn’t sure she wanted to have children. She had an absentee father and never wanted to pass that experience along to another generation. But when she met her husband, Brett, they knew they were meant to be together and, shortly after, they knew they wanted to have a child. At her age, though, getting pregnant wasn’t easy. It took a couple years, and the help of IUI, Intrauterine insemination. The doctors told her it had a 6% chance of working so she was shocked to find out she was pregnant. She had a good pregnancy, and even saw the bright side of gestational diabetes, which she said helped her to not gain too much weight since she had to be careful of what she ate. Giving birth was uneventful but two nights later she ended up in the hospital with an infection in her uterus. She had a temperature of 103. She called the nurse on duty who said she should go to the hospital, but she didn’t want to because that meant leaving her two-day-old daughter. But the nurse told her she might leave her daughter forever if she didn’t take care of herself. She went to the hospital by herself since her husband had to take care of the newborn. She found herself crying hysterically in the waiting room, thinking she was starving her baby to death. She was crying so much that a stranger handed her tissues and then walked away. A friend suggested formula, which her fever-brain hadn’t even considered. She called her husband and...
Brianne Davis is a working actress in Hollywood, one of those people you’ve seen in everything - including shows like Six, Casual, Prom Night, Jarhead, and most recently Lucifer. Two years ago she ‘came out’ as a sex and love addict in an article for Huffington Post, after 10 years in recovery. She wrote a bestselling novel called “Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex and Love Addict,” which is fiction, but it's based on her experience in Hollywood and with a disease that carries stigma and shame, especially for women. She also hosts a podcast called Secret Life on which people share their secrets. Guest Bio From bringing compelling characters to life on screen as an actor, calling the shots behind the scenes as a director and producer, lending her thoughts and opinions to the podcast airwaves, and even penning her debut literary work, Brianne Davis has emerged in the entertainment industry as a powerhouse female creative. Brianne’s first break in the business came with a small speaking role in the film “Remember the Titans” opposite Denzel Washington, Hayden Panettiere, Ryan Gosling and Kate Bosworth. From there, Brianne went on to booking a role on the hit television show, “Dawson’s Creek” (CW) and once graduating from high school, she made the decision to move to Los Angeles to pursue her acting career. Brianne’s first lead role in film came in 2005 with the blockbuster hit “Jarhead” where she starred opposite Jake Gyllenhaal. She also starred in the horror film “Prom Night,” alongside Brittany Snow, Kellan Lutz and Idris Elba. Additional TV credits include: Netflix/FOX’s “Lucifer,” Hulu’s “Casual,” FOX’s “Rosewood,” HBO’s “True Blood,” and CBS’ “The Mentalist.” Thriving behind the camera, as much as in front, under her production company Give & Take Productions Brianne has produced three films, while also directing “The Night Visitor 2: Heather’s Story,” and “Deadly Signal.” With over a decade of recovery as a sex and love addict, Brianne is the host of the popular mental health podcast “Secret Life.” The podcast launched in August 2020 and features inspiring true confessions from an eclectic group of guests, unpacking a plethora of taboo topics. Brianne’s latest venture in the “Secret Life” brand is her debut novel, “Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex & Love Addict” which released on February 12, 2021, and instantly hit the best-sellers list on Amazon. On the charity front, Brianne’s undeniable passion is supporting our troops. She can often be found traveling the world on various USO tours and so far, has visited 15 bases. While on tour, she has stayed in such places as Iraq and Afghanistan. Stateside, Brianne champions on behalf of veteran programs, especially in getting the necessary post-traumatic stress relief that many soldiers desperately need. Brianne currently resides in the Los Angeles area with her husband Mark Gantt and son, Davis. Meet BrianneBrianne Davis is a working actress in Hollywood, one of those people you’ve seen in everything - including shows like Six, Casual, Prom Night, Jarhead, and most recently Lucifer. Two years ago she ‘came out’ as a sex and love addict in an https://www.huffpost.com/entry/female-sex-and-love-addict-recovery_n_5e56bb80c5b6fc7a9e394232 (article for Huffington Post), after 10 years in recovery. She wrote a bestselling novel called https://amzn.to/3QegB1o (Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex and Love Addict) [affiliate link], which is fiction, but it's based on her experience in Hollywood and with a disease that carries stigma and shame, especially for women. She wanted to shed light on how deadly this particular addiction is and how how a society amplifies and glamorizes sex and love addiction. She also started a podcast called Secret Life, which allows other people to share their secrets. She initially ‘outed’ herself in an article she wrote for Huffington Post two years ago. She says publishing that article “evaporated” the stigma and shame she
Melissa Llarena stepped off the corporate track and became an entrepreneur after becoming a mom and not being able to find adequate childcare. She doesn’t feel like a “pure working mom,” but she doesn’t feel like a stay-at-home mom, either. This “in between” status means she’s carving out her own path, which requires energy to create the path, in addition to simply walking it. If there’s any “crisis” to Melissa’s midlife, it’s more answering the question: am I going to do what I thought I was meant to do? Now that she’s in her forties - and after a reflective exercise with Post-It Notes that you’ll have to listen to understand - she has given herself the permission to execute on who she’s always been. Guest BioMelissa Llarena is a high-performance coach to moms who have chosen the path of entrepreneurship as their best option for being both a fully present parent and an ambitious woman. She is also the host of her own podcast called An Interview With Melissa Llarena, where Melissa helps you go from imagining to living your best life. In her podcast, you will learn how to believe in yourself, unleash your biggest potential, leave perfectionism behind, and build a fulfilling life. Melissa believes moms deserve the best; here is a taste of some of her featured guests: entrepreneurs (Suzy Batiz, Beth Comstock), creators (GaryVee, James Altucher), world changers (David Meltzer, Asha Curran), beacons of hope (Raphael Rowe, Dr. Joel Fuhrman), and world-class storytellers (Cal Fussman, Jordan Harbinger). Meanwhile, Melissa’s background includes a psychology degree from NYU, an MBA from the Tuck School of Business at Dartmouth, and she holds a Transformational Coaching Academy certificate based on Tony Robbins principles and Landmark Education insights. She is a native New Yorker who has lived/worked in Paris as well as London, and courageously relocated to Sydney, Australia with her family. Melissa is a mom to three boys; included in that mix are identical twins. Celebrating Turning 40Melissa turned 40 as an expat living in Sydney, Australia. To celebrate, she climbed the Harbour Bridge, even though she’s afraid of heights. An iconic tourist destination, the climb is safe, but scary. She was chasing the butterfly feeling in her stomach. She believes that her moments of greatest growth have been the ones when she’s got butterflies or big nerves. She asked herself: what can I do to celebrate turning 40 and up the ante that is in integrity with who I am or who I tell the world that I am? Melissa tells herself and the world that she is courageous. So climbing the Harbour Bridge became the idea that was bad-ass, kind of risky, but not crazy, that made that moment super memorable and was culturally relevant to where she was at the time. But as epic as it was, while she was ascending creaky wooden plank stairs and looking at the cars parked below her, she wondered why she chose this particular celebration and not something more….comfortable. Mapping Out Where She’s BeenAs she approached 40, Melissa started to map out her life, decade by decade, on Post-It notes stuck to her wall. Milestones each got a Post-It. In her 30’s, Melissa became a mom. She got into the labor room for her first-born and realized “I can't’ do this.” But what do you do at that point? You power through. After she had her son, she left corporate America because she didn’t have childcare she trusted. So she became an entrepreneur and started to build a business. That got a Post-It. Leaving corporate America came with trade-offs that she had to work through. She had to let go of the idea of having a dream house because that came with financial obligations that could only be met with the corporate job. Then she became pregnant with identical twins and, even though it was a single event, they each got their own Post-It. With no history of twins on either side of their family, they were pretty shocked to learn...
When she was 40, Dr. Gigi Johnson wrote her own job description. It should have been her dream job. She designed it! But she did not ask for enough support, which led to a breakdown at 43 that required her to step away from the center she built. She went on leave and started to focus on taking care of herself. Then came some small creative projects. Then she started her own business and “re-peopled” her life with people who were in alignment with who she was and who she was becoming. It took her a long time to rebuild herself but it set the stage for the next 20 years of her life. Guest BioBoard member, speaker, advisor, technologist, connector, educator, and creator. Dr. Gigi Johnson “connects the digital dots.” Currently, she is working with partners to look at managing and learning in virtual and hybrid environments as well as where creative work and systems are going in an AI- and digitally accelerated age. Gigi co-founded the Maremel Institute in 2005 to explore digital disruption in how we work, learn, and create. For 15 years, she has built conferences, training, events, research, and learning media around helping leaders and groups work with next-generation technology and evolving communities. Through Maremel, she has advised leaders in start-ups and larger organizations in media, music, and education. Dr. Johnson speaks around the world on digital transformations — both of the past and in the extended future. Through the non-profit Rethink Next, she also is piloting collaborations on the futures of creative work in local communities. She has taught at UCLA Herb Alpert School for 11 years in music innovation and advanced marketing. For 5 years, she ran the UCLA Center for Music Innovation, a think-tank on future music technologies and systems change. Before UCLA Alpert, she ran centers and graduate and executive courses on digital disruption at UCLA Anderson for a decade, after years of financing media M&A at Bank of America. Gigi also has run 2 VOD networks and produced 8 years of concerts, 3 early web series (2004-2007), and 2 family music albums. She speaks across the world on digital disruption and social change — and is working now on new programs to rethink time, place, and events…including conferences and education. She is the host of the Creative Innovators podcast. Gigi holds a doctorate in educational leadership for change and media studies from Fielding Graduate University, an MBA from UCLA Anderson, and a BA in Film/Television Production from USC Cinematic Arts. Asking for EnoughAs she approaches 60, Gigi Johnson says most of us only make sense of our lives looking backwards and that the lens we can apply from that vantage helps us make sense of where we’ve been and what it all means. Gigi had a complete stress breakdown at 43, but the seeds were sown when she was 40 - and she’s the one who sowed them. At 40, she had the opportunity to design her job and build her own job description - and she admits she made a bunch of mistakes. She designed a department at UCLA and she did not ask for enough support, which led to her eventual breakdown. She acknowledges that not asking for enough is one of the recurring themes in her life. She won a large research contract, which should have counted as a success. Instead, she ended up crying for three days straight. She knew she was in the wrong place, in the wrong shoes and whatever she designed, it wasn’t the right fit for her. Her reflections on that experience vary. Some days she’s grateful for the lesson. Other days, she blames herself for not asking for enough support up front. She trusted that there would be an opportunity to ask for more support along the way. Was that a “girl” thing, or specific to Gigi? She’s not sure. But she knows she didn’t ask for enough, she didn’t ask strongly enough, and she didn’t leave the door open to ask for more in the future. It came to the point where she told the organization,...
Selena Coppock spent 15 years performing stand-up comedy, honing her skills, and appearing at comedy clubs in New York City, arguably one of the worlds’ best cities for comedy. And then, shortly before she turned forty, it started to feel like the fun was gone. She wondered if there was anything left for her in comedy. But how do you walk away from a passion that you’ve spent 15 years working on? The onset of a global pandemic gave her the opportunity to take a break - and to rethink what made her happy. Twenty five year old Selena might think her a nerd, but forty year old Selena is pretty happy with how things are going. Guest BioSelena Coppock is a standup comedian, writer, author, and storyteller based in NYC. She is the creator and voice of @NYTVows, the parody Twitter and Instagram accounts that lampoon the New York Times Wedding section, the wedding industrial complex, WASPs, and courtship rituals of the rich and insufferable. She is also the creator and host of TWO WICK MINIMUM, America’s favorite and only podcast about candles. In December 2017 she released her debut standup album, SEEN BETTER DAYS (Little Lamb Recordings) which hit #1 on the iTunes comedy chart. Selena was a guest star on the sitcom RED OAKS (Amazon) and has been seen on Bravo, Lifetime, VH1, CollegeHumor.com, RooftopComedy.com, and elsewhere. Turning 40 in Lockdown in NYCSelena turned 40 in April 2020 as the pandemic turned the world upside down. In January, her plan had been to throw a big, dress-up party at a private room in a bar for “toasts and light roasts.” She wanted to wear sequins and get all the people she loves together and celebrate. She works in publishing in NYC and they were sent home on March 11, after a case of Covid was reported in their building. Shortly thereafter, all plans, birthday and otherwise, went out the window. At the time, she lived in a 4th floor walkup in Park Slope. Even going out to get mail was scary. She didn’t have any private outdoor space, so the fire escape became her way to be outdoors. She envied friends with backyards. She snuck up onto her building’s roof because she needed to be in fresh air, but not around people, and that was difficult to navigate in NYC. Getting into Stand UpSelena grew up in Weston, Massachusetts and lived in South Boston for a few years after college, “as you’re legally required to do.” She lived in Boston 2004-2006 and then moved to NYC. In college, she began to study improv, calling it a great onramp to comedy. After college, she moved to Chicago to study with Improv Olympic. She fell into a crippling depression and moved home and back in with her parents. That’s when she started doing improv in Boston. And then, a friend was running a stand-up show where you could get 5 minutes. She tried it and, in classic beginner’s luck, she crushed it. She was hooked. She says Boston is a great place to start in comedy. The audiences are smart. There's a lot of college kids who want to go out for cheap events. And it's a smaller market, so it's not like starting in New York or LA, where you could be terrible, and people who matter in your career could see you when you're terrible. She did stand up in Boston for 2 years and thought she was really “doing it,” but she was only performing about once a month. If you’re serious about it, you have to perform every night. A confluence of events in Boston helped her make the jump to New York. She got laid off from a job; she felt like she was spinning her wheels in stand up and her Uncle Jimmy offered her an apartment for her first year or two in the city while she got her feet under her. She dove into the New York comedy scene, learning the hustle, and the community and who books what, and what’s worth doing and what’s a waste of time. It was a master class in comedy. She studied sketch writing and sketch comedy at Upright Citizen’s Brigade. At night, after UCB shuts...
Eric Dyment assumed that who he was in his late 30s was who he was going to be for the rest of his life. He thought he would be an eternal bachelor, a teacher with the freedom to travel during vacations. He felt that’s how he was perceived by people. He accepted the characterization, even though he wasn’t happy about it. But making one change dominoed into changing the course of his entire life. As a student of the “Hero’s Journey,” he realized all the paths he’s followed and “quests” he’s faced gave him the confidence to take what he wanted when he found it. Guest BioEric Dyment is a native and resident of Concord, New Hampshire. He teaches eighth grade social studies at a public school in his hometown, something he never thought he’d do but finds fulfilling. He is a lover of the outdoors and spends time hiking and mountain biking, though time for those extracurricular pursuits has been limited since getting married, having a baby, and buying a house that came with extensive property and a barn. Now, his spare time is joyously spent on his new family and home responsibilities. Turning Forty (1:45)Eric turned forty during the pandemic. He remembers his thirties as a whirlwind. As he approached turning forty, he thought about when his mom turned forty, and said she didn’t take it very well. He did a good job of portraying that turning forty wasn’t a big deal, while inside having very mixed feelings about the milestone birthday. Our parents' generation faced forty as being “over the hill” or the onset of the midlife crisis, but it doesn’t feel that way for people turning forty now. Now, it’s seen as “only forty” with so much ahead of you still. Eric says college gives young people four “free years” to delay adulthood and explore and do what they want, which pushes back the onset of adulthood in a way that it didn’t for our parents’ generation. The timeline and path to adult milestones for things like getting married and having kids is very different for our generation than it was for our parents. In the earlier generation, the course of their entire life could be set by the time they were 22, whether it was college and a career or marriage and family. And, while that still may exist today, it seems to be a minority pathway. Existential Dread (5:45) Eric remembers feeling some existential dread about turning forty. He had come to terms with not achieving some common milestones including marriage. He earned a Master’s Degree at 37, but had planned to achieve that by 35. Turning forty meant he was putting pressure on himself because he “should have done these things by now.” He thought that, if they hadn’t happened by now, then it was possible that they never would. He thinks those feelings are left over from our parents’ generation and the idea that “these” [insert arbitrary thing here] are the things you’re “supposed to do” because that’s what they did. Even though his parents have been happily married since their early twenties, Eric didn’t want that for himself. He wanted to live, to explore. There was a real tension between the fact that our parents worked so hard to make sure we had opportunities they didn’t, and we could do things they couldn’t - and yet, many times, they tried to hold us to the same standards and timelines that worked for them. The traditions of their generation hadn’t quite fallen apart yet. The World is Your Oyster (10:51)There are more paths available to us today than were available to our parents' generation. He tells his students that they have more opportunities than he did growing up. We don’t have to follow any set path. We can be anything we want. Eric wonders if his inner monologue telling he “has to” do certain things is somehow left over from the Great Depression or World War II generation. Today, not only are our opportunities greater, but we don’t have to be just one thing. We can explore multiple pathways over a career. Eric...
For image consultant Susan Osborne, a bizarre urge in her late thirties to buy a pair of old-school Birkenstocks eventually led to a full-scale evolution of how she presents herself to the world - and even where she lives. Returning to the things she loved as a child was key to ‘finding herself’ again. For 20 years, she has worked with people to uncover their true essence and translate that into a ‘style recipe’ that allows them to feel great about the way they look. Susan has facilitated all manner of evolution, from normal hormonal transition to something that changes how we live in our bodies. Guest BioSusan Osborne coaches people to develop their own unique personal brand by claiming a clothing style that feels authentic and builds strategies to create an inspired wardrobe. A teacher at heart, Susan educates people how to get a polished, put-together look by choosing clothing styles and colors that best suit them, their body type, personality, career and lifestyle. Her dedication to teaching the power of image through self-discovery and authentic expression is the mission of her business, Be Image Consulting. She lives in the mountains of New Hampshire with her family. Becoming an Image Consultant (1:20)After following a corporate career path, and achieving the things she thought would make her really happy, she realized she was feeling flat and unsatisfied. So she opened Be Day Spa in 2003, which she owned for 10 years. Within that business, she started anhttp://www.beimageconsulting.com ( image consulting business), which she has been doing for 20 years. As an image consultant, Susan helps clients transform their appearance by expressing who they are on the inside in a way that makes them feel good about how they look. Her goal for her clients is that they can open their closet door and love most everything they see and find joy in dressing and expressing themself in that way. Many times, changing their appearance comes after someone experiences a transition of some sort, but sometimes changing how they dress is the catalyst for additional changes. Susan meets women at a place where they have surrendered to and accepted who they are and the reality of their body and then helps them decorate it. It’s a job she loves. As part of her initial meeting with a client, Susan asks the person to write a story about a color. Then, during the first meeting, she asks the person to read that story aloud and exchange the name of the color for their own first name. It’s a profound exercise that has brought some of her clients (including me!) to tears. One of Susan’s great talents is uncovering a client’s essence. She feels she has to. It’s easy to bring someone to a store and throw clothes on them and make them look great, but that’s not how she sees her work with clients. She wants to help her clients dig down to find out who they are at a deeper level and pull that out so they can dress in a way that’s fulfilling to themselves. The difference between having a style and being stylish (7:07)There’s a big difference between having a style and being stylish. During the years Susan owned the spa, Susan’s style was graceful, clean and professional. She’s also a creative person, so she found ways to express that with her hair, makeup and jewelry. In her late 30s Susan kept having a bizarre attraction to Birkenstocks. Not the trendy, modern Birkenstock we see today. The old-school, dark brown, suede Arizona Birkenstock sandals. There was nothing about her life or style at the time that could make sense of the urge to go buy these shoes. Friends who saw them in her closet wondered what she was doing with them. She bought the shoes anyway and wondered how she would wear them, since they didn’t go with anything in her closet. She knew there was something about the earthiness and naturalness of the shoes that she loved. She bought them and didn’t wear them for years, but she loved looking at...
Kim Smith felt her 30s were “cursed” after four important people in her life died, and she couldn’t wait to turn the page on that decade. She felt called to do what she called “Forty to Forty,” posting reflections on Instagram every day for the 40 days before she turned 40. It allowed her to approach her birthday, and the next decade, with anticipation and more positivity than she felt in her 30s. A girls’ weekend to celebrate her 40th was a revival for Kim. She left that weekend feeling like a new woman. Like someone who is well on her way to figuring out who she is. Guest bioK. Danielle is a poet, blogger, and children’s book author from Mississippi whose love for reading and writing was nurtured by her mom, Zerlin Dean Jones. She began her writing career in 2015 with the publication of Pieces of My Reflection, a collection of poetry that spans over ten years. Shortly after, she founded Peppermint Publishing to publish a series of children’s books for young readers ages 4-9 about characters inspired by her children. After losing her mom to cancer in 2017, K. Danielle launched her second publishing company, Red Ink Publishing, in honor of her mom. She released her book F Cancer in late 2020 to help others cope with the tremendous loss of their mothers, as well as face her own battle with grief. She resides in Indianapolis, IN with her husband, Sherwin, and her three children, Kyndal, Saniya, and Tre. In addition to writing, K. Danielle also provides virtual bookkeeping services to small businesses and non-profit organizations. Forty to Forty (1:30)Leading up to her fortieth birthday, Kim Smith did a “forty to forty” project on Instagram where she posted pictures and recollections for the forty days prior to the big day in September 2021. Kim’s birthdays have not been the same since she lost her mom four years ago. They had big plans to take their first mother-daughter trip to Las Vegas to celebrate the milestone and, without her mom, she didn’t know if she wanted to celebrate at all. But this idea kept showing up in her brain. Ultimately, the project made celebrating the milestone without her mom a little bit easier. Kim’s 30s were very emotional and full of loss. She lost some of the most important people in her life during that decade: her grandfather in 2013; her mom in 2017; and her godmother in 2018; and then her grandmother in 2020. She felt like her 30s were cursed and she couldn’t wait to turn the page on that decade. She didn’t plan any of her Instagram posts ahead of time. In fact, most of them were late at night, partly because that’s the time of day when she settles down and has time to herself, and partly because she was hesitant to share some of the posts. She didn’t have any expectations; didn’t over analyze or overthink. It was something she did for herself alone. It allowed her to approach her birthday, and the next decade, with anticipation and more positivity than she felt in her 30's. She wanted to enter her 40s as the woman her mom knew she was and that she hadn’t quite grasped for herself yet. Kim’s mom’s dreams for her were much larger than the ones Kim dared to dream herself. Grieving (7:50)Four years isn’t long to grieve; Kim had spent those years in depression, sadness, frustration, anxiety, loss and anger. Now she wanted to figure out how to feel everything she feels about the loss of her mom and still wake up and honor her in some way every day. She feels like she would be doing her mom a disservice if she gave up on the dreams her mom had for her. Now she’s working on changing her mindset. Her life will never be the same but, just because it’s different doesn’t mean it’s going to be bad. She’s trying to find her way through the good days and the hard days. She’s consciously trying to work through her grief and not go around, above or under it. We all have baggage and it’s our job to find a way to deal with and carry that baggage so we
The last time Jaime Lang remembers being blissfully happy was when she was 27. Things just felt simpler and easier back then. By the time she was in her mid-30s she felt like she had gotten lost. She was overwhelmed by all the "shoulds” she felt she wasn't meeting. So she "accidentally" moved to Florida! By the time she was 40, she felt smarter, and like things rolled off her shoulders more easily. Now, at 45, even though she hasn't achieved everything she wants (who has?), she feels happier and more grounded than she did in her 30s. Guest bioJaime Lang was born in Maine, moved to New Hampshire for college and lived there for 20 years. She spent a year living just outside of Boston before trading in her snowshoes for flip-flops. What started as a visit to her parents' Snowbird house turned into a decision to relocate, get a new job and begin a new chapter. In Florida she shifted careers, from higher education to recruiting, became a certified advanced scuba diver, took a stab at running - and failed! - and developed lifelong friends in the process. Florida was great for this wannabe Jimmy Buffet style beach bum but it’s really hot there and something was missing. After some pandemic introspection, she realized she missed the seasons but not the harsh winter, and she was ready for a new chapter and fresh canvas. She took a leap of faith, pivoted again, and relocated to Asheville, North Carolina, in the heart of the Blue Ridge Mountains. She’s been there a little over a year and spends her free time hiking, visiting local craft breweries and vineyards, and exploring with new friends. When Were You Last Happy? (2:25)At midlife, we start asking ourselves lots of questions about purpose and having other deep thoughts. Someone asked Jaime when she was last blissfully happy. Between ages 27 and 33,she felt like she could conquer the world. Looking at pictures from old adventures and holidays and parties and celebrations, she realized that we were big fish in a small pond, making things happen. She remembers feeling unstoppable and that there was a lot of laughter in her world. Working at a local college allowed her to become invested in the community, network and be deeply involved. But things started to change. Our friends started getting engaged and became less available for shenanigans. The college she worked at for more than a decade closed and, looking back, she realized a lot of her identity was wrapped up in that job. Without a college degree of her own, she felt shame and like her options were limited. Until then she had been focused on achieving professional success. But now she felt like she was left with nothing: no career, no partner, no family of her own - and forty was rushing at her. She felt like she had lots of boxes left to check. “The One Who Never Should Have Been” (6:27)As she worked on her next move, and interviewed for new jobs, Jaime met someone. He was “the one who never should have been, but who we all need for growth purposes.” She quickly moved in with him. [checked a box] He lived in Boston and she always wanted to live there. [check another box] But it quickly became apparent that it wasn’t a good fit, which left her stuck with no job and nowhere to live. She went to visit her parents, who snowbird in Florida, during a winter where Boston got 5 blizzards in 8 days. As a self-proclaimed “beach girl” she wondered why she was shortly headed back to Boston. So she applied for a job on a lark. It was a job title she had always wanted and would be great for her career.. She applied and interviewed and was hired on the spot. She drove back to her parents’ house in shock and told them, “I think I just moved to Florida.” For the first three years, she felt like she was just visiting. It took that much time for her to feel like a Floridian. Looking back at that time, she says, “someone pulled the confidence rug out from under me and I couldn’t find it...
Meet Janna Hartley, who celebrated turning forty with a "Year of No Fear," where she addressed, head on, fears she felt were holding her back. She used the milestone birthday to let go of things from her past. To get out of her own way. To move beyond anxieties and fears. She wanted to say YES more. She says she wanted to start experiencing life in a way where she wasn’t so conscious of what other people thought about what she was doing. Even at the grocery store, she says, she felt like people were judging her for what was in her cart. No more! Guest bioCreativity comes from all sorts of places. An artistic mind does not have to be the stereotypical hipster, sipping chai in a Brooklyn coffee shop. An artistic mind is not always a tortured soul who suffers for their work. And, most importantly, it is rarely someone who relies solely on instinct, ignoring the untold outlets of inspiration that exist in our world. Janna Hartley is an artistic mind. One that defies labels, challenges preconceived thinking, and works very, very hard at her craft. Janna is many things: She is a roller-derby diva. She is an outdoor nut. She is an avid sports fan. She has a world-view shaped by triumph and tragedy. She is also one of the top graphic and print designers in Northern New England. A graduate of Syracuse University with a bachelors’ degree in graphic design, as well as a masters’ degree in business administration with a marketing concentration, Janna combines the bottom-line realities of business with the infinite creativities of art. Even though Janna’s bio reads like someone who is chained to a desk 110 hours a week, the reality is that she was well-known and well-respected for her contributions to various New Hampshire non-profit organizations before she relocated to South Carolina. Janna spent many years as a member of the Board of Directors for Volunteer NH, which promotes programs that strengthen the fabric of New Hampshire communities. She was also a longtime member of the Manchester St. Patrick’s Parade Committee. She has also been involved active with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, New Hampshire Special Olympics Penguin Plunge, and the American Cancer Society. In her new Southern home, she has volunteered for Vereen Gardens doing trail clean up and maintenance. Her creative and community activities earned her numerous awards, including a Davey and a Communicator Award for design excellence, and a Bell Ringer award for excellence in communications and public relations work in New England. In addition, she was named one of the “20 Outstanding Women You Should Know in NH,” which honors some of the state’s most accomplished individuals. She lives in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina with her husband Jody and their dog Tukka. Quarter Life Crisis (1:50)Janna felt like she celebrated her 40th birthday when she was 25. Her twin brother was having his first child and that sent her into a quarter life crisis. He was taking on parenting and she wasn’t anywhere near ready for that. There’s a certain expectation of parallel life experiences when you’re a twin and she was rebelling against them. He had gotten married and was having a baby. Rather than have a kid, she bought a car. When he had his second baby, she bought a motorcycle. Both were conscious decisions in reaction to her brother’s major life milestones. Turning Forty (3:20)Forty became a milestone in terms of letting go of some baggage from her past. She wanted to try to get out of her own way and do a better job of managing anxieties and fears. She wanted to “say yes” more and decided to do a “Year of No Fear” project. Her fiancé Steve committed suicide in 2006 when she was 31. By forty, she was ready to start releasing that grief, which included selling his guitars. Grief counseling turned into managing some OCD and other anxieties. She wanted to start experiencing life in a way where she wasn’t so conscious of what other...
In episode 1 of the Forty Drinks Podcast, host Stephanie McLaughlin introduces herself and sets the stage for upcoming episodes. Stephanie describes the Forty Drinks Project, which is how she celebrated turning forty, and also serves as the jumping off point for the podcast. Instead of having a party to celebrate the milestone birthday, Stephanie had forty drinks with forty people in forty different places and each drink had a thematic connection to her friend or the relationship. What started off as a wacky way to celebrate her birthday, and to extend it into a yearlong adventure, turned into something else along the way. Stephanie McLaughlin was born and raised in Manchester, NH. She fled the little city for a bigger one 50 miles south and spent 12 years living, schooling, working, and socializing in Boston. Stephanie was trained as a journalist but found that her career path led her to public relations and, ultimately, marketing. The schooling was not wasted, though, as her illustrious professional career has been built on the tenets of storytelling she learned in college. Her illustrious drinking career was also built on tenets she learned in college, albeit different ones, and perfected while studying under a number of esteemed mentors. Stephanie is a study in extremes and didn’t know until part-way through The 40 Drinks Project that she was (and maybe always had been) in search of equilibrium. She spent two decades partying and drinking like a rock star, while at the same time graduating magna cum laude from Northeastern University and building a successful career at noteworthy and important institutions including The Boston Globe, the mayoral administration of Thomas M. Menino and Tufts Medical Center. She returned to New Hampshire after a dozen years in Boston and spent time as the Associate Publisher of Business NH Magazine, the statewide monthly business publication, and the Director of Client Development for a multi-state law firm before she opened her own marketing business in 2007. All the while, her social life was on fire: friends, parties, trips, adventures, brushes with celebrity, you name it. As she neared 40, her body wouldn’t abide the same volume of alcohol and she wasn’t finding the same fulfillment with her varied groups of friends and framily. She began The 40 Drinks Project on a lark, thinking that it would be an appropriately outrageous way to celebrate “the big four-oh.” She didn’t know at the time that some of her most important life lessons would come wrapped in the ridiculous endeavor. Since completing the project, Stephanie has found an absurd level of happiness with the love of her life, Patrick. They live in Manchester, New Hampshire, with a rambunctious black cat who eats wildly inappropriate things – like pajamas and curling ribbon. These days, three glasses of wine is a wild night, and she prefers a healthy dinner at home and some TV or a movie with Patrick to carousing out and about. She’s still working on equilibrium – a little more consciously now – but she’s much closer than she’s ever been before. Introducing Stephanie, host of the Forty Drinks Podcast (00:21)Stephanie shares thoughts on turning 40. Describing the Forty Drinks Project, the precursor to the podcast and its inspiration (01:00)To celebrate my fortieth birthday, I decided to have Forty Drinks with 40 people in 40 different places.. Each drink would have some thematic connection to the person I was having a drink with or our relationship. I decided this idea was just ridiculous enough to be worthy of turning 40. Examples of some of the themed drinks from the Forty Drinks Project (02:19)Each drink had some thematic connection to my friend or our relationship, including the following examples: https://fortydrinks.com/blog/drink-1-periodista (Adrian, The Periodista) https://fortydrinks.com/blog/drink-21-birthday-cake (Karen & Ginny, the Birthday Cake)...
Here's the first listen at the upcoming Forty Drinks podcast, hosted by Stephanie McLaughlin. Growing out of an outlandish celebration of her own fortieth birthday – and the fallout afterwards – the podcast explores what “the big four oh” means in our modern world.