The Relational Intelligence Podcast: Recent Episodes
Minjote
We all crave human connection, acceptance, and love but not all of us have learned how to relate to one another or even ourselves well. The Relational Intelligence Podcast (T.R.I.P.) is all about finding ways to develop happy, healthy, and fulfilling relationships, whether they be romantic, platonic, family, or work relationships. We'll have casual conversations about common relational obstacles and talk through ways that we can each individually do our part to present the best version of ourselves in our relationships.
In this week's episode we consider how emotional neglect in childhood may be interpreted and later show up in adult relationships. We highlight 5 ways people may be impacted:
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They may have difficulty processing their emotions
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They may feel overly responsible for other people's emotions
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They may seem withdrawn or disconnected
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They may lean heavily into escapism
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They may have advanced emotional intelligence
And new this week, we're dropping a question at the end of each episode that can be used to deepen emotional intimacy in one's relationships. Remember, we're here to help one another develop happy, healthy, and fulfilling relationships and that comes with depth, vulnerability, attentiveness, and grace.
Question of the week: What would you say is the most memorable part of your childhood?
In this week's episode we navigate the complex balance between keeping ourselves safe from relational harm and opening ourselves up to experience fulfilling connections. While the walls we've built can keep us safe, they can also keep us hidden.
We're called to guard our hearts and yet open ourselves up to community. How does that work though? Are the walls we've build truly keeping us safe or are they keeping us hidden?
Scripture references in this episode:
Proverbs 4:23, 1 Peter 5:8, Psalm 46:1-3
In this week's episode we discuss the dilemma we often face when looking to determine if a relationship is worth nurturing, maintaining, or releasing. While there is no guidebook to tell us exactly what to do, we can leverage biblical principles and our discernment to determine our steps. We share 6 things we can focus on to determine if we should stay in the relationship:
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Focus on their heart (1 Samuel 6:17) - is this a person of integrity? Do I trust them?
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Be equally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14) - are our values and beliefs aligned? Are we headed in a similar direction in life?
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Associate with the wise (Proverbs 13:20) - are they making me more wise or more foolish? Do they sharpen me or make me dull?
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Build each other up (1 Thessalonians 5:11; Galatians 6:2) - do they build me up and encourage me? Do they support me in carrying my burdens?
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Connect with patient people (Proverbs 22:24-25) - are they easily angered? Are they patient with me, others, and even themselves?
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Have fun together (Ecclesiastes 8:15) - do I laugh and enjoy life with them? can I be my authentic self with them?
Ask yourself these questions and allow God to reveal the path ahead of you 🙏🏽
In this week's episode we dive into Matthew 7:3 that says, "Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?"
We're called to live a life of humility, and that heart posture enables us to continually grow in love with the freedom to make mistakes. A happy, healthy, and fulfilling relationship cannot be nurtured with the presence of pride and absence of self-reflection. We're encouraged to refrain from maximizing the mistakes of our peers and minimizing our own shortcomings. You and I both have the potential to transform into a better version of ourselves each day. But will we take advantage of those opportunities?
Scripture references in this episode:
Galatians 5:22-23, Proverbs 29:23, Galatians 6:4, 1 Corinthians 9:26-27
In this week's episode we discuss how to navigate moments, periods, and seasons when our emotional, mental, or spiritual tanks are empty and we have little to give to our relationships.
In this week's episode we talk through a few findings from the book Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection by Dr. John and Dr. Julie Gottman and a casual conversation between my colleagues and I about those findings on a random Tuesday.
We discuss three conflict styles highlighted in the book (Avoidant, Validating, Volatile) and keys the authors shared about things to avoid during conflict and things to aim for in order to create connection.
If you're interested in bringing a library directly to your phone or tablet, consider downloading the Libby app. You only have to connect your library card and you'll be able to borrow e-books and audiobooks for free!
In this week's episode we discuss how our upbringings plays a pivotal role in how we view the world, how we communicate, and how we interact with the environment around us.
In this week's episode we review some common patterns of rejection towards ourselves, such as:
- Being overly critical of oneself
- Being uncomfortable spending time alone
- Being in a constant state of comparison
- Focusing more on doing rather than being
We also discuss some steps we can take to begin learning true self-acceptance:
- Mindfulness & Self-Exploration
- Giving Yourself Grace
- Forgiving Yourself
In this week's episode we talk about insights on how to open our hearts and minds to simply having more fun. We go in depth about 5 strategies to help us along this process:
1. Stop taking yourself so seriously - instead, be more childlike (when appropriate)
2. Stop connecting with people on what's going badly - instead, connect on positive things
3. Commit to time away from your goals and obligations every day
4. Shut off analysis-mode
5. Try a complaint fast
Catherine Price TED Talk: Why Having Fun Is The Secret To A Healthier Life
In this week's episode we discuss eight strategies to help you resist temptation:
- Recall what tempts you
- Interject and redirect yourself before you engage with the temptation
- Plan to have healthy alternatives in place
- Introduce and welcome accountability partners
- Challenge yourself for a set period of time
- Keep the temptation out of reach
- Set your intention
- Create a rewards system
You'll find in depth explanations and examples throughout the episode.
In this week's episode we speak to Angela Duckworth's book Grit. She outlines three different views of work - job, career, and calling. In her book, she speaks to the degree of grit involved at each level. I paralleled job, career, and calling to dating, relationships, and life partnership. We zoom out and take a look at what our expectations and investments look like at each level of romantic relationship.
I'm going to keep it straight with you - uncovering your true identity is going to take a lot of humility because it'll be a game of trial and error. This lifelong journey allows us to sift through all the filth that life, hurt, rejection, misunderstanding, and everything else that has covered up the beauty of who we really are.
I intentionally titled this UNcovering your true Identity rather than DIScovering your true identity because it's already inside of you. We don't need to find it, we need to uncover it. I've been doing so by:
1. Adopting a clear belief system
2. Doing a self-analysis (over and over again)
3. Determining what characteristics best serve me and which ones hurt me
4. Being open to changing
I'll be on this journey for the rest of my life, but I wanted to share what I know so far. I hope it's helpful :)
In this week's episode we talk about our role in choosing not only who is in our lives, but how much access they have to us. I share my own framework for choosing people to do life with as a means to encourage others to understand their own relational needs.
I mentioned a sermon from Pastor Travis Greene of Forward City Church that references what it means to have "diggers" in your life. Diggers are the people that will get down and dirty with you, the ones that will fight, work, push forward alongside you.
I highlighted some characteristics consistent in the people I've determined are part of my tribe:
- Openness & Authenticity
- Alignment
- Commitment
For a more in depth understanding and breakdown of these qualities, tune into this week's episode :)
In this week's episode we speak to both sides of pride (the good and the bad) and what it means to live a life of authentic humility.
Pride is on a spectrum, there's healthy pride like self-respect, and there's unhealthy pride like arrogance. I don't know about you, but often when I hear people speak about pride, the negative side is the one being highlighted and I want to challenge that narrative.
Can we really have humility without pride?
In this week's episode we discuss the ways in which we may welcome frustrations into our lives. From small nuisances to larger-scale frustrations, it's important for us to take note of the role we may play. We discussed three primary strategies for reducing these sorts of frustrations:
1. Seek first to understand
2. Take accountability
3. Be flexible
These three strategies work together to lead us to a more peaceful life. Tune in to learn more about how to apply these strategies to your life.
After reflecting on a chaotic few weeks I recognized that I stopped engaging in one my most important practices - brain dumps. In this week's episode I share how brain dumps impacted my life, what they are, and how we can all start making use of them.
Brain dumps allow you to clear out the toxins that have entered your mind and hold on to the nutrient rich information that you've consumed throughout the day. I look at it much like digestion - the only difference is that we have to be very active in the process of clearing out the toxins in our minds.
In this episode I referenced Steven Covey's book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
Last week we discussed 3 things I had to learn to do in order to change my life:
1. Learn to step outside of myself
2. Learn to identify my problem beliefs (not my problem behaviors)
3. Learn how to do things differently
In this week's episode I recount my experience as a recovering people pleaser and how I used those three steps to move from people pleasing to honoring myself while simultaneously loving others. We'll uncover the problem belief underlying my people pleasing behaviors and strategies used to leave people pleasing behind for good.
Hey tribe! I took a quarter off but I'm BACK! Apologies for not communicating this sabbatical in advance, I'll most certainly do better next time.
During some recent quiet time with the Lord, I reflected on how vastly differently I'm experiencing life now in comparison to before I committed to this relationship with Jesus. I wish I could say I committed my life to Christ and everything was suddenly better but that wasn't the case. When you come into an intimate relationship with the Lord, it requires work - much like any other relationship you're in, and I want to share with you all what that work looked like for me.
In this week's episode, I describe 3 main commitments I made to myself with practical steps and examples:
1. Learn how to step outside of myself
2. Learn to identify my problem beliefs (not problem behaviors)
3. Practice learning to do things differently
Below I have a couple of free resources I mentioned in the episode that you may like:
Change Your Life - One Tiny Step At A Time: https://youtu.be/75d_29QWELk?si=Q_QG5sA5xSOek4BR
How to Humor Your Stress - Loretta LaRoche: https://youtu.be/bZMJdhe4xhQ?si=nNCCJyFPW0YlMQ5T
In this week's episode we review different ways our level of confidence in ourselves and our abilities has the potential to impact our experience in life. We discuss warning signs that indicate we're battling issues related to our confidence and strategies to slowly, but surely build it back up.
In this week's episode we discuss how day to day changes can cause significant shifts in our perceptions of reality. As the way we see the world changes, so does the way we should move among the world. Join us as we discuss what it really means to find and create a new normal.
In this week's episode we speak on the process of grief, how it presents itself across individuals, and how one could support someone experiencing grief. We dive into coping mechanisms such as denial, avoidance, dissociation, and more.
In this week's episode we explore the concept of instant gratification versus delayed gratification, how it presents in our day-to-day lives, and how small choices influence major areas of our lives.
In this week's episode we discuss some of the internal pressures we place on ourselves and how patterns of thinking tend to plague us more than we'd like to admit.
Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but how often do we bring attention to the conflict within the conflict? In this week's episode we discuss the different factors that can worsen or alleviate conflict both during and after finding a resolve.
In this week's episode we discuss the early stages of the journey to becoming a spouse with two of my absolute favorite people. We speak on what the process has been, how they're grown, and how they knew they found "the one."
In this weeks conversation I speak on recent experiences that caused me to reflect on old ways of thinking that held me back from living a life of freedom. We all have access to living in freedom and it starts with are willingness to believe that it is for us.
In this weeks conversation we speak on the differences between perception and reality, how perception becomes our reality, and how we must seek truth in our interpersonal relationships in order to shape our perceptions.
In this weeks episode we have a conversation about 3 key things that contribute to breakdowns in communication:
1. A heightened emotional state
2. Misinterpretations/Misunderstandings
3. Communicating from a place of fear, insecurity, trauma, etc.
In this week's episode we discuss three reasons we may be living in a season of lack or at least think that we are.
In this weeks conversation we discuss what code switching is, how we can use it as a tool that benefits our lives, and steps we can take use code switching to our benefit.
Join us for a conversation about why we should lean into conflict in healthy ways to deepen the connections in our lives.
In this weeks episode we have a conversation with Francis Campos, a former student of mine, and unpack navigating through the uncertainties of life. She steps outside of her comfort zone to let us in on her process of developing a vision for her future, a stormy season that led her to attempt suicide, and a moment of clarity when she discovered just how much she valued the gift of life.
Always remember, speaking on a platform like this can be debilitating. Each guest takes a risk by coming on this podcast and opening up about their personal experiences. Special shout out to all past and future guests. I truly appreciate you!
If you are one of those people that forgets to take care of themselves - whether that be because you're the strong friend, the caretaker, the protector, the safe space, etc. - it's time you start prioritizing YOU. Many of us struggle to put ourselves first. It feels selfish, unnatural, and simply... wrong. But the truth is, our greatest responsibility it to take care of ourselves. Join us for this week's conversation about how we can start taking better care of ourselves.
Jamie Hickman, a licensed graduate counselor, joins us this week to help give some perspective on how we can better explore who we are and what we really need. She discusses various strategies such as brain dumps, milestone reflections, and much more that she carries in her therapy toolkit. I was fully prepared to change my life after this talk. Come get all these free gems!
In this week's episode we discuss the common phenomena of not liking oneself. Whether we want to admit it or not, many of us battle with an inner dialogue that rejects the individual we are. We discuss what this looks like, how it impacts our relationships, and the importance of building a new foundation.
In this week's conversation we're joined by Malorie Gibson, a mental health professional that has embarked on her own journey towards becoming the best version of herself. She's active worked on releasing the many weights from her past that have been slowing her down. We gain insight from her story to learn about ways our pasts may be dictating our futures, and how we can put that to an end. It's an ongoing process but it's never a bad time to start doing the work!
Joshua Day, a health and fitness enthusiast, joins us to speak on ways we can improve our relationships with our bodies and why it's so important for us to be mindful of how our physical health influences our emotional well-being. He is a strength and conditioning specialist, a massage therapist, and an amazing conversationalist. Tune in and collect all of his gems. Don't hesitate to follow him on IG - see below:
Personal page: @dad_yosh
Creator page: @yosh.wah
Adeola joins us for a conversation about safe spaces - what they are, why they're significant, and how we can be better equipped to play the role of a safe space for others.
If you want your skin glowing and smelling immaculate, check out Adeola's body care brand, Arome: https://www.shoparome.com/
In this week's episode we have a discussion about our innate wants vs. our true desires vs. our needs. We identify the differences between innate wants and true desires to help shape our lifestyle and relational decisions. We also take into consideration how our needs play a role in what sorts of things and people we should gravitate towards.
In this week's episode we welcome a former student of mine, Benedict Adjoyi, as he steers us through a conversation on getting to know others. We discuss surface level versus intimate conversations, the significance of intent listening, and the difference between learning a person and learning things about a person.
During this week's episode we have a conversation about where we tend to fall short in relationships and how what we may consider normal can be harmful to those we're in relationship with. Join us as we unpack our own relational shortcomings and brainstorm ways to improve.
In our conversation this week we talk about mental health hygiene and why it's so important for us to carve out intentional time each day to focus on our psychological well-being.
How to Practice Emotional First Aid TED Talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2hc2FLOdhI
What Really Happens as You Start Exercising: https://youtu.be/KEhbYNmY3N4
In this episode we reference the book What Happened to Youby Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce Perry as we dive into a conversation about the thought processes we've adopted and the significance of reflecting on them. From the moment we entered this world, we've been learning about it. Now it's time for us to sift through which thought processes have been benefitting our lives and which are weighing us down.
In this weeks episode we continue our conversation about community by discussing the process of picking the right people, what causes us to choose wrong, and how we can start making better interpersonal decisions.
In this weeks episode we speak to the concept of community by unpacking concerns related to hyper-independence, systemic issues, technological advances, and more. We are all in need of healthy community. Let's find the tools to help build and cultivate it.
On this weeks episode we welcome our very first guest to the show! One of my closest friends, Lauren Sanders, has joined us today to give some insight on her personal developments in the area of communication. None of us are perfect, and therefore we decided to have a conversation surrounding our progress with effective communication.
On today's episode we're having a conversation about what it means to ask powerful questions. I share 12 questions I find to be extremely powerful whether we ask them to ourselves or to our people. I hope they benefit you as much as they benefit me 😊
- What makes you feel at home?
- What have you always wanted to do but haven’t done yet?
- How do you prefer being supported?
- How do you best receive apologies?
- How do you like to be celebrated?
- What do you need in the midst of grief?
- What have you dreamed about lately?
- What is the most significant difference you see from where you were this time last year?
- What do you want to see change by this time next year?
- What’s your favorite thing about yourself?
- What do you battle with silently?
- What value does our relationship bring to your life?
Showing your love is all about the little things you do consistently. In our conversation this week we discuss some very simple and subtle ways we can show our people that we love them and why they're meaningful.
If you find yourself struggling with not feeling like enough, not feeling valuable or worthy of much of anything then this episode may be helpful for you. In this episode we'll talk about where issues of self worth come from, what they may look like in our lives, and ways we can begin the healing process.
Keep in mind the healing process takes time! Please do not set yourself up for failure thinking things will change overnight. You've got this!
Trust is an important piece of the foundation of any healthy relationships. In this conversation we'll speak about what trust is, how we build trust, and ways to evaluate our own behaviors to ensure we're being what we want to see in our relationships.
This is a big topic because taking accountability and holding one another accountable can make or break relationships. In this episode we'll explore different things that make taking accountability difficult, things we need to remember when we're providing constructive feedback, and things that are important to consider when we're being held accountable.
I can guarantee you God is the only reason this became an episode because I would NEVER do this on my own. After being prompted to speak authentically about the current season I was in at the time of recording, God orchestrated a conversation about our internal battle with negative thoughts, navigating a season that seems to have no end, and finding ways to release pent-up emotions that are weighing us down. I pray this episode helps someone feel seen, connected, and encouraged. You're not alone.
Shout out to the TRIP Tribeeee!!
It didn't hit me until recently that shame has an interesting way of showing up in our lives. Even our attempts to avoid feeling a sense of shame causes us to fall into dysfunctional patterns of behavior. This conversation unpacks some manifestations of shame and ways that we can begin freeing ourselves from this mental bondage.
This is a continuation of our conversation from last week about the importance of boundaries and how to begin the process of setting them.
Yep, we're going to have a conversation about the B word... Boundaries! In this episode we'll speak to the significance of setting and respecting boundaries in preparation for next's episode that walks us through the process of doing so.
Let's talk about love babyyyyy! I'm a firm believer that God is love. In this context and conversation we're going to speak on the practicality of love in our interpersonal relationships. My hope is that we leave here feeling a little more confident about our ability to show love to our people and frame our personal perceptions of love.
The 5 Love Languages Quiz: https://5lovelanguages.com/
What does it take to be a good partner? Relationships are hard and it's because we're bringing two completely different people together and somehow attempting to move in unison towards something. When problems hit and arguments begin we have to remind ourselves that we're on the same team. That's easier said than done but maybe it'll help to have a discussion about partnership and what we should focus on bringing to the table.
Are relationships meant to be 50/50 or 100/100? This episode showcases a discussion on what it means to become a whole person by evaluating different areas of your life and becoming the master of you. If we want to have happy, healthy, and fulfilling relationships, we're going to need to be willing to do some work. Let's get it!
IG: @minjote
So many people skip the step of determining what they're looking for in a person and in a relationship BEFORE they get involved with someone. We're going to ask ourselves three important questions that can save us from ending up in the wrong relationship or with the wrong person. Let's take this rideeeee
IG: @minjote
For whatever reason emotional intelligence isn't taught in school. I'm not sure whose idea that was but I don't like it so let's unpack a little bit today. Let's take this rideeeee
IG: @minjote
Welcome to The Relational Intelligence Podcast! I'm so excited about this journey! It's only right that I introduce myself and let you know what T.R.I.P. is all about. Let's take this rideeee