Beyond The High Road: Recent Episodes
Shelby Milford
Supporting and inspiring parents in their journey to rebuild after experiencing the gut wrenching effects of alienation and/or domestic abuse.
Are you an alienated parent who feels like chaos and drama just keep finding you—no matter how much you crave peace? Discover why this pattern might feel so familiar, and how understanding your own story is the first step toward breaking the cycle.
Main Areas of Focus:
- The addictive nature of drama and chaos for alienated parents
- How childhood experiences and attachment styles shape adult relationship patterns
- The psychological and physiological roots of seeking emotional intensity
- Common behaviors and personas that perpetuate drama
- Real-life examples of how drama manifests in daily life and relationships
- The importance of self-awareness and responsibility in breaking the cycle
- A preview that solutions and somatic exercises will be covered in the next episode
Notable Quotes:
- “Despite hating the distress, our brains can become wired to seek the intensity of strong emotional states, especially if those states are familiar from prolonged exposure to chaos or adversity in a past.”
- “Crisis became your baseline. So your central nervous system registers peace as unfamiliar, and therefore peace itself feels like chaos for you.”
- “If you are one that has noticed that you’re in this cycle of choosing the ‘wrong’ people always… it could be because you’re associating, on a nervous system level, love with chaos.”
- “Trauma doesn’t just create your reality, it also distorts it. The nervous system may constantly scan for danger, drama, or chaos as a protective mechanism.”
- “Drama may briefly feel like it solves loneliness or hopelessness. However, it brings temporary relief, followed by regret, shame, and deeper isolation, thus perpetuating the cycle.”
Key Takeaways for Alienated Parents:
- Drama and chaos can feel “normal” if you grew up in turbulent or emotionally neglectful environments; your nervous system may crave intensity, even if you consciously want peace.
- Patterns of seeking or creating drama are often unconscious and rooted in early experiences—not a personal failing.
- Common signs of drama addiction include feeling uncomfortable with calm, repeatedly sharing stories for validation, and turning minor issues into major crises.
- Recognizing your own patterns—without blame—is the first step to change. Taking responsibility for your reactions, rather than focusing on others’ actions, empowers you to break the cycle.
- The episode sets the stage for practical solutions and exercises, which will be shared in the next installment.
Next Episode Preview:Stay tuned for actionable solutions and somatic exercises to help you move from drama-creating tendencies to a life of peace—and actually enjoy it.
00:00 Introduction to Beyond The High Road Podcast
00:32 Episode Structure and Content Overview
01:29 Deep Dive into Drama and Chaos
07:21 Understanding Drama Addiction
11:29 Childhood Influences on Drama Addiction
24:37 Examples and Real-Life Scenarios
35:08 Recognizing Drama Addiction
37:27 Drama Patterns in Relationships
41:25 Attachment Styles and Drama
49:39 Drama In Parental Alienation and Relationships
54:32 Breaking the Drama Cycle
01:01:11 Conclusion and Next Steps
Are you an alienated parent searching for certainty and a path forward? This transformative video offers practical strategies, heartfelt encouragement, and expert insights to help you reclaim your life, rediscover your purpose, and begin the healing journey—no matter how long you’ve been apart from your child.
KEY POINTS
- Understanding the emotional impact of parental alienation and why your feelings are valid.
- Steps to rebuild your self-worth and identity beyond the alienation experience.
- Practical self-care techniques to manage grief, anger, and anxiety.
- How to set healthy boundaries and protect your mental health.
- The importance of community: finding support and breaking the isolation.
- Reframing your story—moving from victimhood to empowerment.
- Tools for maintaining hope and preparing for possible future reconciliation.
NOTABLE QUOTES
When you avoid grief, you don't process it, you preserve it
When you avoid fear, you don't overcome it, you feed it.
This video is a must-watch resource for alienated parents seeking healing and empowerment after experiencing parental alienation. Discover actionable steps to rebuild your life, manage emotional pain, and find support within a community that understands your journey. With expert advice and compassionate guidance, you’ll learn how to move forward, set healthy boundaries, and nurture hope for the future. Whether you’re newly alienated or have been struggling for years, these insights will help you reclaim your identity and start the process of recovery. Keywords: alienated parents, healing, parental alienation recovery, rebuilding life after alienation, support for alienated parents.
00:00 Introduction and Listener Review
03:55 Understanding Fear-Based Emotions
06:11 The Trap of Emotional Avoidance
13:45 The Neuroscience Behind Avoidance
15:53 The Social Cost of Avoidance
27:39 What Avoidance Steals From You
30:11 The Cost of Avoidance
31:27 Embracing Fear
32:04 Reclaiming Emotional Freedom
36:39 Understanding Fear's Role
38:42 Transforming Fear into Clarity
45:49 The Neutrality of Emotions
47:37 Practical Steps to Work with Fear
52:55 Reframing Fear-Based Emotions
53:32 Conclusion: Fear as a Values Compass
In episode 156, Shelby dives into the topic of comparative righteousness and explores how alienated parents can move past rigid right-wrong thinking. She categorizes four types of mindsets parents like us might fall into: the over analyzer, the justice seeker, the rigid role model, and the personal martyr. Shelby discusses the cognitive biases involved in these mindsets, such as all-or-nothing thinking, confirmation bias, naive realism, group bias, and the implications these have on our mental and emotional well-being. Emphasizing the importance of curiosity, compassion, and understanding, Shelby provides practical prompts and gentler phrasing alternatives for interactions with co-parents and children. She also delves into the roots of right-wrong thinking from both a neuroscientific and psychological perspective, encouraging listeners to adopt a more balanced and introspective approach in dealing with their experiences of parental alienation.
00:00 Introduction and Welcome
00:29 Listener Review and Reflections
03:39 Black and White Thinking in Alienation
05:15 Understanding Moral Outrage
12:20 Comparative Righteousness and Cognitive Biases
14:53 The Over Analyzer Parent
21:41 The Justice Seeker Parent
30:20 The Rigid Role Model Parent
36:35 The Personal Martyr Parent
44:33 Roots of Right vs. Wrong Mindset
45:43 Understanding the Cycle of Anger and Shame
49:49 The Ego's Role in Conflict
53:40 Client Case Study: Overcoming Victim Mentality
01:02:04 Shifting Perspectives: From Rigid Judgments to Compassion
01:12:41 Practical Communication Strategies
01:21:39 Final Thoughts and Reflection Questions
Navigating the Emotional Turbulence of Parental Alienation: Episode 155
In this episode, host Shelby Milford dives deep into understanding the emotional and physical symptoms children may exhibit as a result of parental alienation. Shelby, drawing from her expertise as a twice-certified life coach specializing in post-traumatic growth, shares personal anecdotes and discusses attachment theory, emotional regulation, and practical tools for alienated parents. Listeners will learn how to create a supportive environment for their children, manage their own mental health, and effectively navigate the complexities of alienated parent-child relationships.
00:00 Introduction and Announcements
01:21 Today's Topic: Attachment Theory and Child's Health
02:13 Personal Health Update and Reflections
05:35 Listener Reviews and Feedback
08:41 Understanding Children's Symptoms and Guilt
10:38 Personal Stories of Seizures and Parenting Challenges
23:08 Attachment Theory and Emotional Responses
27:58 Understanding Attachment Theory
28:54 Child's Response to Alienating Parent
30:12 False Self and Emotional Suppression
32:27 Transition Periods and Emotional Release
34:20 Balancing Blame and Self-Care
44:18 Helping Your Child Regulate Emotions
48:09 Documenting and Self-Care Strategies
55:33 Concluding Thoughts and Encouragement
Understanding and Healing Attachment Styles
In this episode of The Beyond The High Road Podcast, host Shelby Milford discusses the importance of understanding and healing attachment styles for alienated parents. She explains the different attachment styles - secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized - and how these influence emotional reactions, coping mechanisms, and parent-child relationships, especially in the context of alienation. Shelby emphasizes the significance of developing self-awareness, practicing self-compassion, and seeking supportive relationships. The episode provides actionable steps toward fostering secure attachment and enhancing emotional regulation to improve parent-child interactions and overall well-being for alienated parents.
How Unhealed Trauma Can Lead to Self Sabotage: https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/blog/how-unhealed-trauma-can-lead-to-self-sabotage-in-alienation
00:00 Introduction and Welcome
00:34 Listener Engagement and Reviews
02:29 Introduction to Attachment Styles
03:08 Understanding Attachment Theory
07:30 Exploring Different Attachment Styles
11:43 Impact of Attachment Styles on Relationships
19:59 Personal Experiences with Attachment Styles
34:30 Attachment Styles and Parenting
38:32 Understanding Emotional Regulation
39:05 Collecting Data from Your Past
39:58 Shifting Towards Secure Attachment
40:24 Developing Self-Awareness
41:33 Practicing Self-Compassion
43:42 Engaging in Therapy or Coaching
48:38 Repairing Self-Beliefs
51:42 Building Emotional Regulation Skills
54:14 Seeking Corrective Relationships
01:03:35 Three Behaviors for Secure Attachment
01:12:45 Recap and Final Thoughts
Episode 153: Embracing Impermanence & Change
In this heartfelt episode, Shelby explores the concept of impermanence and the challenges of embracing change, particularly for parents experiencing alienation and ongoing trauma. Drawing from her own journey and client stories, Shelby discusses why we resist change, how that resistance can deepen our pain, and the transformative power of leaning into new realities.
Key Topics Covered:
- Why we resist change, especially after trauma and loss
- The emotional impact of clinging to the past and the illusion of control
- Shelby’s personal story of selling her home and the lessons learned from resisting change
- The cost—emotional, financial, and relational—of staying stuck in resistance
- How embracing change can open doors to growth, healing, and new possibilities
- The importance of developing a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset
- Practical strategies for navigating change: breaking big transitions into small steps, focusing on what you can control, and celebrating small wins
- Practicing self-compassion and challenging fixed beliefs
Notable Quotes:
- “Safety and healing come from acceptance, adaptation, and learning—not from clinging to your past.”
- “Your pain is not going to last forever. Change is inevitable, but so is growth.”
- “The best revenge is success—make the change yours and flourish.”
Actionable Takeaways:
- Break overwhelming changes into manageable steps.
- Focus on areas you can control in your daily life.
- Balance time spent grieving with time spent exploring new possibilities.
- Practice self-compassion and celebrate small victories.
- Challenge yourself to see how change might benefit you, even if it wasn’t your choice.
Connect with Shelby:
If you’re struggling with the effects of alienation and want support in your healing journey, visit: https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/HealAfterParentalAlienation
Navigating Misunderstandings & Being Denied a Voice
Episode 152 discussed the challenges of feeling misunderstood after parental alienation & offers strategies for coping. Shelby shares a personal story about her daughter turning 18 and the subsequent communication struggles they faced. She emphasizes the importance of understanding one's emotions, practicing self-awareness, and not being reactive in emotionally charged situations. Shelby also touches upon the importance of self-compassion and respecting the emotional journey of your loved ones. With practical advice drawn from personal experience, this episode aims to provide encouragement and healing for parents dealing with alienation and the emotional challenges that accompany.
👉🏼Follow me on TikTok: / shelbymilford_pa_coach 👉🏼Follow me on Instagram: / beyondthehighroadcoaching 👉🏼Website: https://www.beyondthehighroad.com
00:00 Introduction and Welcome
01:00 Feeling Misunderstood: Personal Experience
01:53 Listener Reviews and Feedback
03:40 Upcoming Announcements
04:26 Navigating Communication with My Daughter
05:07 Reflecting on Past Interactions
07:53 The Emotional Impact of Reaching Out
22:16 Managing Emotional Responses
29:08 Facing Old Fears and Anxieties
30:38 Understanding the Source of Emotions
33:23 Navigating Parental Concerns
36:23 Crafting a Thoughtful Response
41:07 The Power of Perception
50:13 Choosing Your Emotional Response
54:51 Final Reflections and Moving Forward
ParentalAlienationRecovery #FeelingMisunderstood #ParentChildRelationship #ForcedEstrangement
In episode 151 of The Beyond The High Road Podcast, Shelby Milford announces the release of volume four of the podcast's highlights & best clips. In the episode, She shares personal experiences, including her journey of healing and self-discovery following the forced estrangement from her daughter. The podcast addresses the importance of defining problems within one's control, embracing hard truths, rejecting self-sabotaging thoughts, and focusing on creating a fulfilling life despite the challenges of parental alienation. While the episode provides effective strategies for overcoming negative emotions & seeking personal growth; maintaining hope and resilience are discussed in-depth, with Shelby encouraging alienated parents to find purpose & cultivate joy in their lives.
00:00 Introduction and Podcast Review
01:21 Volume Four Release Announcement
02:46 Confronting Hard Truths
04:04 Defining the Real Problem
07:51 Personal Accountability and Healing
08:49 The Power of Thoughts and Beliefs
11:20 Navigating Alienation and Trauma
12:59 Taking Responsibility and Making a Plan
17:34 The Importance of Self-Validation
30:27 Understanding Approval: It's Not About You
31:26 Reframing Catastrophic Thinking
32:13 Identifying and Owning Your Emotions
34:03 The Illusion of Control and Vulnerability
37:22 Self-Betrayal and Parental Roles
37:57 The Tragic Reality of Parental Alienation
45:08 Breaking Free from Negative Narratives
57:20 Living Intentionally and Finding Purpose
58:46 No Guarantees and Moving Forward
ParentalAlienationRecovery #PodcastforAlienatedParents #AlienatedMom
Turn Your Pain into Purpose: Healing after Parental Alienation
In the 150th episode of Beyond The High Road Podcast, host Shelby Milford, a certified life coach specializing in post-traumatic growth, presents a 'best of' compilation featuring motivational segments for listeners dealing with parental alienation. Shelby shares listener reviews and emphasizes the importance of engaging with the podcast community. She reflects on her personal journey through alienation, discussing the emotional complexities, the necessity of managing one's mindset, and finding resilience amid adversity. Shelby encourages listeners to redefine their identities beyond being victimized parents, embrace the contradictions in their feelings, and strive for personal growth and meaningful living despite the challenges. She underscores the importance of taking action, setting goals, and nurturing unconditional love for their children, even from a distance. Shelby concludes with a philosophical perspective on life, pain, and personal evolution.
00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview
01:18 Listener Reviews and Community Engagement
03:37 Personal Reflections and Challenges
06:22 Managing Emotions and Mindset
10:13 Resilience and Personal Growth
14:32 Taking Responsibility and Moving Forward
18:32 Defining Yourself Beyond Alienation
28:53 Setting Goals and Finding Purpose
31:39 Facing Uncomfortable Truths
32:58 The Unconditional Love of a Parent
34:22 Navigating Teenage Years and Parental Love
35:17 The Power of Giving Love
35:53 Conditional Love and Parenting
37:35 Overcoming Feelings of Being Wronged
38:08 Embracing Struggle and Growth
39:13 The Journey of Self-Acceptance
39:55 Redefining Motherhood and Identity
44:33 The Illusion of Separation
46:59 Living Beyond Pain and Alienation
59:25 The Power of Belief and Identity
Understanding Limerence in the Context of Parental Alienation
In episode 149 of The Beyond The High Road Podcast, host Shelby Milford delves into the concept of limerence within the context of parental alienation. Shelby explains limerence, describing it as an uncontrollable obsession often influenced by limited or non-reciprocal contact with an object of affection, in this case, one's child. Shelby outlines symptoms, causes, and the interplay of attachment styles, emphasizing the impact of ongoing trauma and loss experienced by alienated parents. She also discusses the parallels between limerence and addiction, noting that addressing underlying emotions and traumas is key to overcoming it. Listeners are encouraged to converse about their personal experiences and consider seeking coaching or counseling as needed.
00:00 Introduction and Announcements
02:47 Understanding Limerence in the Context of Alienation
05:29 Symptoms and Signs of Limerence
16:29 Attachment Styles and Limerence
21:20 The Impact of Limerence on Perception and Reality
24:56 Addressing Limerence and Moving Forward
26:13 Understanding Limerence and Its Effects on the Brain
27:11 Prerequisites and Susceptibility to Limerence
27:51 ADHD and Limerence: The Connection
28:36 Attachment Styles and Limerence
29:35 The Emotional Rollercoaster of Limerence
31:06 Recognizing and Addressing Limerence
33:04 The Impact of Limerence on Relationships
34:35 Breaking Free from Limerence
44:47 The Role of Grief in Overcoming Limerence
48:57 Final Thoughts and Seeking Help
PARENTALALIENATIONRECOVERY #PODCASTFORALIENATEDPARENTS #ALIENATEDMOM #ALIENATEDFATHER #LIMERENCE #LONGING
Brutal Truths About Parental Alienation
In episode number 148 of the Beyond The High Road Podcast, Shelby Milford discusses six harsh truths about parental alienation that she wishes she had confronted earlier in her journey. Shelby shares her own experiences dealing with alienation and the insights she has gained over the years. She emphasizes the importance of redefining problems in ways that can be controlled, understanding that no one is coming to save you, avoiding the pitfalls of seeking external validation, and the importance of not letting alienation define your identity. Shelby also cautions against getting trapped in drama and highlights the necessity of accepting the uncertainty of future reconciliation with alienated children. This episode offers valuable advice for parents to find stability, meaning, and happiness despite the challenges of alienation.
00:00 Introduction and Episode Planning
01:10 Six Brutal Truths About Parental Alienation
04:31 Most Alienated Parents Are Stuck on the Wrong Problem
15:14 Nobody is Coming to Save You
19:29 Relentless Efforts on Seeking Justice
32:10 Drama is a Trap
38:02 No Guarantee for Future Reconciliation
40:44 Embracing Painful Truths for Growth45:13 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
parentalalienation #podcastforalienatedparents #parentalalienationrecovery
Rediscovering and Integrating Your Authentic Self Post-Alienation
In episode 147 of The Beyond The High Road Podcast, hosted by Shelby Milford, the topic of self-abandonment among alienated parents is explored in depth. Explore & understand how alienated parents often separate from their past selves as a defense mechanism, leading to feelings of disconnect and existential crisis. Shelby proposes reintegrating cherished qualities and hobbies from the past to cope with and overcome the challenges of alienation. She emphasizes the need for balance, self-compassion, and small wins, offering practical advice and personal anecdotes to help listeners reconnect with their authentic selves and enhance their overall well-being.
Talking Points:
- Do you feel like your ability to feel joy was stolen the day your children were?
- Severance between who you are and who you were before alienation happened
- Why many alienated parents self-abandon
- Negative effects of severing past self from today
- Why doing so might be keeping you miserable
- How this mindset can keep a wall between you and your children
- How to reconnect with the best parts of you and still honor your children
00:00 Introduction and Episode Setup
00:11 Personal Health Update and Episode Motivation
01:40 Listener Feedback and Encouragement
04:17 Understanding Self-Abandonment
06:59 Rediscovering Your Authentic Self
11:13 Challenges of Severing Your Past Self
17:39 Reconnecting with Your True Self
25:26 Self-Sabotage and Loss of Traits
26:11 Impact of Alienation on Emotions
27:46 Disconnecting from the Old Self
35:42 Reintegrating the Old and New Self
38:30 Practical Steps for Reconnection
47:46 Celebrating Small Wins and Consistency
49:33 Final Thoughts on Reincorporating Good Qualities
ParentalAlienationRecovery #PodcastForAlienatedParents #selfabandonment
Navigating Personal Loss and Understanding Self-Pity vs. Self-Compassion
In this episode of the Beyond The High Road Podcast, Shelby Milford opens up about the impact of dealing with a series of unfortunate events and the broader implications of experiences on our mental health. She transitions to explore the profound difference between self-pity and self-compassion as it relates to parental alienation. Drawing from her own experiences, she explains how self-pity can trap us in a cycle of hopelessness and isolation, whereas self-compassion provides a path toward healing and resilience. Through personal anecdotes and reflective insights, she encourages listeners to recognize and embrace their pain as part of the human experience, ultimately advocating for a shift from self-pity to self-compassion.
00:00 Introduction and Personal Update
00:26 Dealing with Pet Loss
03:45 Self-Pity vs. Self-Compassion
12:00 Choosing Self-Compassion
21:37 The Impact of Self-Pity
26:11 The Dangers of Repeating Trauma
28:27 Understanding Self-Pity
28:49 Embracing Self-Compassion
32:47 The Impact of Self-Pity on Mental Health
38:17 Moving from Self-Pity to Self-Compassion
43:48 The Value of Suffering and Connection
47:51 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
Becoming Your Own Fountain of Resources
Come listen to Shelby's personal and heartwarming story about rescuing an orphaned duckling, Buck, using it to illustrate valuable lessons on resilience, self-reliance, and overcoming obstacles following parental alienation. Shelby emphasizes the importance of trusting your instincts, especially when external help is not forthcoming, and relates this to the experiences of alienated parents. She discusses how friction and challenges are necessary for growth and call for adaptive, creative problem-solving. Shelby also touches on how external judgment and perceived lack of support can be distractions that hinder progress. By drawing from her recent experiences and reflections, Shelby offers practical advice on staying focused and resilient in the face of adversity.
00:00 Introduction and
Episode Overview00:30
Personal Updates and Recent Events
02:39 Texas Flooding and Community Impact
04:53 The Duckling Dilemma
07:23 Challenges in Finding Help
11:43 Confrontation, Judgement, and Scrutiny
16:16 Realizations and Taking Action
22:49 Success in Reuniting the Duck
28:36 Lessons Learned and Final Thoughts
37:39 Conclusion and Farewell
ParentalAlienationRecovery #PodcastForAlienatedParents #AlienatedMom
In episode 144, Shelby discusses the emotional challenges faced by alienated parents, focusing on the tendencies to desensitize and emotionally withdraw from their parenting roles. She shares personal experiences and observations on how coping mechanisms like masking emotions, disengaging from the parental role, and withdrawing socially can affect both the parent and the child. Shelby emphasizes the importance of resilience, processing emotions, and maintaining a connection with one's children to foster healing and potentially restore relationships in the future. Practical advice and insights on self-awareness, adaptive coping strategies, and the impact of emotional numbing are provided to help parents navigate their struggles.
00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview
00:14 Understanding Emotional Desensitization
01:25 Personal Experiences with Desensitization
02:18 Common Coping Mechanisms
07:24 Recognizing Desensitization in Yourself
19:21 Differentiating Resilience from Desensitization
22:20 Coping Strategies and Their Impact
25:58 The Cycle of Numbing and Groundhog Day
26:20 Empathy and Connection in Resilience
27:30 Impact of Desensitization on Relationships
28:44 Maintaining Meaningful Relationships
29:54 Self-Awareness and Emotional Processing
31:49 The Role of Goals in Resilience
33:23 Welcoming All Emotions
36:30 Effects of Desensitizing on Parent-Child Relationships
41:40 Avoidance and Its Consequences
44:21 Personal Reflections and Final Thoughts
48:00 4th of July and Fireworks
parentalalienationrecovery #podcastforalienatedparents
Turning Negativity into Empowerment:
Strategies for Alienated ParentsIn episode 143 of the Beyond The High Road Podcast, Shelby Milford shares a heartfelt and insightful discussion about dealing with negativity, particularly meant for alienated parents. Shelby begins by sharing a personal story about finding a duckling and the challenges of unexpected situations. She then delves into the pervasive negativity that alienated parents often face, discussing how it stems from survival mode and past traumas. Shelby offers practical exercises to shift from a negative to a positive mindset, including evaluating daily events objectively and rewriting personal narratives. Through these methods, she aims to help parents break free from the cycle of negativity, enabling them to lead more joyful and productive lives.
00:00 Introduction and Episode Teaser
00:09 Unexpected Duckling Encounter
02:33 Dealing with Negativity
06:24 Client's Story and Negativity Bias
13:26 Changing Your Narrative
16:41 Story Writing Exercise
19:44 Personal Example of Overcoming Negativity
21:57 Aggressive Confrontation and Arrest
23:46 Reflecting on the Incident
26:48 Reprogramming Your Mindset
27:41 Daily Reflection Exercise
29:11 Challenging Negative Thoughts
31:54 Adopting Positive Perspectives37:41 Breaking Free from Victimhood41:34 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
#ParentalAlienationRecovery #PodcastForAlienatedParents
Defining Personal Standards & Boundaries for Alienated Parents
In Episode 142 of the 'Beyond The High Road Podcast', host Shelby Milford emphasizes the importance for alienated parents to define and maintain personal standards and boundaries in their lives. After thanking a reviewer and encouraging listeners to submit their own reviews, Shelby transitions into the main topic: evaluating what you currently accept in your life, and what you want moving forward. She stresses understanding the reasons behind both positive and negative self-talk, keeping commitments to oneself, the impact of relationships, and the difference between acceptance and resignation. Using personal anecdotes and practical advice, Shelby aims to empower listeners to set clear goals and standards, ultimately leading to a more purposeful and fulfilling life.
https://beyondthehighroad.com/mystandardsforlife
00:00 Introduction and Announcements
02:05 Reflecting on Last Week's Episode
03:05 Understanding Acceptance and Setting Standards
09:46 Empowerment Through Acceptance
17:22 Your Commitments and Self-Care
29:55 Evaluating Relationships and Setting Boundaries
33:03 Understanding Relationship Boundaries
34:01 Living Up to External Expectations
35:00 Setting Personal Boundaries
35:51 A Defining Moment: Personal Story
43:39 The Quality of Your Self-Talk
45:47 Root Causes of Acceptance
52:26 Shifting Your Mindset
53:45 Creating a Compelling Reason
01:00:09 Final Thoughts and Resources
#ParentalAlienationRecovery #ParentalAlienation #AlienatedParent
Father's Day Support for Alienated DadsIn this special bonus episode, Shelby addresses a missed acknowledgment of Father's Day and extends her heartfelt support to alienated dads. She discusses the struggles of lacking recognition from children and family, and emphasizes the importance of self-love and perseverance. Shelby encourages fathers to continue their efforts in maintaining a foundation for their children's return, while reminding them to honor and care for themselves. She also offers additional support for those who need it over the weekend through various communication channels. This episode is a poignant reminder of the unseen efforts and emotional battles faced by many fathers on Father's Day.00:00 Introduction and Apology01:58 Father's Day After Parental Alienation05:29 Recognizing the Pain for Alienated Fathers07:05 Encouragement and Support10:05 Closing Remarks and Contact Information
parentalalienationrecovery
Overcoming Directionlessness: Creating Purpose and Progress for Alienated Parents
In episode 141 of The Beyond The High Road Podcast, host Shelby Milford addresses the pervasive feelings of directionlessness, purposelessness, hopelessness, and helplessness many alienated parents experience. Shelby shares her personal struggles and offers a comprehensive approach to creating change by advocating for self-empowerment through detailed goal-setting and actionable plans. She emphasizes the importance of having a structured, measurable, and adaptable plan for achieving long-term goals, thus transforming how you see yourself and your circumstances. Key strategies include envisioning the future, setting specific milestones, focusing on process over outcomes, linking behaviors to future goals, and maintaining adaptability. She also highlights the pitfalls of relying on others and underlines the necessity of taking ownership and proactive steps to move one's life forward.
00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview
00:12 Feeling Stuck and Directionless
02:10 The Importance of Having a Plan
03:38 Personal Experiences and Realizations
11:18 Why Alienated Parents Don't Set Goals
18:46 Consequences of Not Having a Plan
28:37 Steps to Set and Follow Goals
28:55 The Importance of Detailed Planning
29:25 Envisioning Your Future
30:17 Setting Measurable Goals
31:31 Prioritizing Process Over Outcome
33:24 Linking Behaviors to Your Future Self
37:57 Tracking Progress and Celebrating Wins
41:51 Staying Flexible and Adaptive
45:33 Taking Control of Your Custody Case
53:20 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
parentalalienationrecovery
Episode 140 examines the deep-seated fears and emotional turmoil experienced by alienated parents when their child decides to change their name. Shelby discusses this complex issue from multiple angles, including the parent's perspective of hurt and rejection, the child's motivations, and the potential psychological impacts on the child. The episode is structured to first address the parent's feelings, then delve into the children's reasoning behind such decisions, and finally offer strategies for parents to cope and maintain emotional stability. Shelby emphasizes understanding, compassion, and focusing on the child's internal struggles as key to navigating this challenging situation.
00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview
00:15 Understanding the Emotional Impact of Name Changes
02:21 The Significance of Names in Identity
05:15 Parental Reactions to Name Changes
14:16 The Role of Parental Alienation in Name Changes
20:04 Reinventing Identity and Seeking Control
31:57 Manipulation by Alienating Parent and Emotional Needs
33:27 Identity and Long-Term Implications
33:54 Personal Story: My Brother's Experience
36:23 Emotional Repercussions of Name Changes
37:15 Guilt, Shame, and Emotional Distress
39:27 Loneliness and Isolation
40:38 Psychological Impact and Identity Confusion
41:42 How to Support Both You & Your Alienated Child
50:50 Respecting Autonomy and Individuality
53:15 Seek Understanding and Compassion
58:58 Focus on Healing and Resilience
01:00:10 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
parentalalienation #PodcastForAlienatedParents #ParentalAlienationRecovery #NameChangesByAlienatedChild
Redefining Your Story
In episode 139 of The Beyond The High Road Podcast, Shelby Milford announces a shift in how her episodes will be structured—moving towards more targeted and searchable content. This episode focuses on a critical issue faced by alienated parents: overcoming feelings of victimization to feel more empowered. Shelby shares personal experiences and discusses how distinguishing between objective facts and the emotionally charged stories created around them can help alienated parents regain their power. She outlines common mistakes and offers a step-by-step plan to develop a more empowering narrative. Shelby emphasizes the importance of intentional, mindful thinking and how reinterpreting stories can transform one's mindset and identity. The upcoming episodes will address specific problems and pain points faced by alienated parents in a more structured and approachable manner.
00:00 Introduction and Podcast Update
00:15 New Podcast Format and Focus
01:07 Addressing Victimization for Alienated Parents
03:36 Identifying and Changing Your Story
04:49 Common Mistakes in Perception
09:18 The Power of Reframing Facts
13:20 Kid's Graduation & Other Real Life Examples
23:16 Own Your Story - What Are You Making It Mean?
39:29 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
podcastforalienatedparents #parentalalienationrecovery
In episode 138 Shelby shares personal journal entries to illustrate her painful journey of dealing with parental alienation along with the steps she took to regain her sense of power and worthiness. Shelby emphasizes the importance of identifying and adhering to core values and offers practical advice for alienated parents to navigate their lives more clearly and purposefully.
00:00 Introduction and Technical Difficulties
00:18 Lost Interviews and Birthday Troubles
03:33 Reading Journal Entries: Finding Your Power
04:43 Parental Alienation: A Mother's Struggle
10:00 A Heartbreaking Zoom Call
15:51 Reflecting on Past Trauma
20:50 Rewiring the Brain After Trauma
31:22 Creating a Personal and Parental Code
39:40 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
How Trauma and Grief Shape Decisions for Alienated Parents
In this episode of The Beyond The High Road Podcast, Shelby Milford discusses the profound impact of trauma and grief on personal responses and decisions. She highlights a listener review, thanks Alexandra Unshakable for her feedback, and encourages listeners to leave reviews. Shelby shares personal stories and insights into how unprocessed trauma and grief manifest in daily life, affecting decisions, especially in parenting. She uses a comparison from Grey’s Anatomy to illustrate how trauma, irrespective of its source, can lead to similar responses in different people. Shelby emphasizes the importance of self-compassion and understanding one’s responses to past trauma, recognizing that these reactions are often driven by the nervous system’s need for safety and security. She provides examples from her own life, describing her struggles and the lingering effects of grief, and offers advice on shifting perspectives to alleviate self-blame and shame. Shelby concludes by urging listeners to leave reviews on Apple Podcasts to support other parents in similar situations.
00:00 Introduction and Listener Review
01:27 Today's Topic: Trauma and Grief
02:00 Personal Flashbacks and Reflections
04:42 Understanding Past Decisions
06:34 Shifting Narratives and Self-Blame
13:48 Relating to Fictional Characters
24:09 Grief and Its Impact
32:17 Conclusion and Call to Action
Addressing complex emotions surrounding Mother's Day for alienated parents. Shelby shares a poignant story about a mother dealing with the tragic loss of her child, providing insights into how such experiences can shape one’s journey through grief. The episode delves into the various thought patterns that contribute to prolonged grief disorder, such as rumination, self-blame, and avoidance. Shelby emphasizes the importance of processing grief in a healthy manner and provides practical advice for self-reflection and healing. She encourages listeners to acknowledge and adapt to their emotions, giving themselves the grace to move forward. This episode is a supportive guide for navigating sensitive days like Mother's Day, filled with personal anecdotes and expert insights aimed at helping listeners find peace and direction amidst their grief
YouTube Vid I Referenced: Navigating Grief, Mother's Day ,& Healing After Child Loss w/ Dr Marcy Larson
.00:00 Introduction and Episode Teaser
00:13 Mother's Day Inspiration and Emotional Story
05:13 Understanding Grief and Its Impact
10:41 Coping Mechanisms and Thought Patterns
18:02 Navigating Special Days and Self-Care
33:02 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
Why Avoiding Your Feelings is Sometimes the Best Choice For Alienated Parents
In episode 135 of The Beyond The High Road Podcast, Shelby Milford discusses the concept of intentional avoidance and its benefits for maintaining emotional balance and peace in the chaos of parental alienation. She shares her personal experiences and challenges with avoidance, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and societal beliefs about emotions. Shelby delves into the Dual Process Model of Bereavement developed by Strobe and Schut, which proposes a dynamic approach to grief management through oscillation between loss-oriented and restoration-oriented tasks. This model encourages a balanced, individualized, and compassionate approach to processing grief and rebuilding life. Shelby emphasizes the importance of taking breaks from intense emotions and intentionally shifting focus to practical life activities and new goals, thus promoting resilience and adaptation for alienated parents.
00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview
01:00 Personal History with Avoidance
01:51 Conflicting Beliefs About Emotions
03:22 Coping Mechanisms and Their Impact on Alienation
08:33 Introduction to the Dual Process Model
18:14 Loss-Oriented Tasks in Grief for Alienated Parents
23:16 Restoration-Oriented Tasks in Grief
25:10 Balancing Loss and Restoration As Alienated Parents
29:01 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
Understanding and Coping with Betrayal in Parental Alienation
In episode 134 of the Beyond The High Road Podcast, Shelby Milford delves into the complex subject of betrayal, particularly within the context of parental alienation. Shelby explores whether betrayal is an emotion or a perception, drawing analogies with grief and emphasizing that betrayal stems from a perceived breach of trust. The discussion is sparked by a recent experience Shelby had with misleading AI-generated videos of Brene Brown discussing betrayal. Shelby shares personal stories of betrayal by trusted friends and family during her own struggles with parental alienation, highlighting how these experiences can exacerbate feelings of isolation and mistrust. She offers insights on the emotional responses to betrayal and emphasizes the importance of self-respect and self-worth in overcoming these challenges. Shelby also provides practical advice on naming and processing the emotions associated with betrayal to foster personal growth and resilience.
00:00 Introduction & Episode Overview
00:31 Defining Betrayal: Emotion or Emotional Experience Based on Perception?
01:40 Personal Anecdote: The REAL Brene Brown or Dupe?
07:41 Exploring the Concept of Betrayal in Parental Alienation
22:16 Self-Betrayal & How It Began
29:59 Empowerment & Moving Forward
38:15 Conclusion & Final Thoughts
parentalalienationrecovery #alienatedmom #podcastforalienatedparents #parentalalienation
Discussing the common communication pitfall of using the phrase 'I feel like' and how it can hinder emotional clarity and empowerment, especially for alienated parents. Shelby encourages listeners to focus on identifying and articulating actual emotions to reduce misinterpretations and overcome poor communication habits. By sharing personal experiences and insights from her counseling journey, Shelby aims to help parents take their power back and communicate more effectively. She also invites listeners to consider her coaching programs for deeper transformation and to leave reviews to help more parents find support through the show.
00:00 Introduction and Announcements
00:59 The Power of Coaching
03:20 The Impact of 'I Feel Like' Statements
05:00 Personal Breakthroughs and Counseling
09:15 Taking Ownership of Emotions
10:53 Practical Examples and Exercises
16:11 Avoiding Cognitive Distortions
29:58 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
parentalalienationrecovery #alienatedmom #parentalalienation
Coping with Feelings of Inadequacy as an Alienated Parent
In episode 132 of the Beyond The High Road Podcast, host Shelby Milford delves into the common feelings of inadequacy that many alienated parents experience. She opens up about her own struggles with avoiding social media checks on her daughter and the internal conflict about not feeling 'enough' due to her current situation. Shelby emphasizes the importance of recognizing that emotional presence, support, and love outweigh material offerings. She also provides strategies for self-affirmation and suggests exercises to help parents build self-worth and readiness for potential reunification with their children. This episode offers insightful guidance for alienated parents coping with feelings of rejection and inadequacy.
00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview
01:26 Struggles with Social Media and Avoidance
02:42 Facing Fears and Emotional Challenges
05:09 Comparing Yourself "How THEY Do It"
09:26 Tips for Overcoming Inadequacy
20:13 The Importance of Self-Love and Acceptance
26:34 Practical Exercise for Building Self-Worth
30:07 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
parentalalienationrecovery #parentalalienation #alienatedparent #podcastforalienatedparents
Navigating Nostalgia, Remorse, & Uncertainty
In episode 131 Shelby Milford delves into the mixed emotions that arise with springtime nostalgia. She shares her personal reflections on regret and remorse, prompted by some treasured memories with her daughter before alienation. Shelby emphasizes the importance of distinguishing between regret and shame, encouraging listeners to embrace their growth journey. She explores how changing the narratives we tell ourselves about our past can foster healing and growth. With a poignant example of an Instagram post (thanks to Max Stossel), Shelby inspires parents to stay hopeful and believe in a brighter future despite current hardships. She concludes by underscoring the unbreakable bonds between parents and children, offering encouragement and support to all alienated parents.00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview00:36 Springtime Nostalgia and Memories03:27 Reflections on Regret and Remorse05:29 Understanding and Overcoming Shame10:35 The Power of Perspective and Storytelling30:16 The Unbreakable Parent-Child Bond32:17 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
parentalalienationrecovery #alienatedparent #pathogenicparenting
Dive into cultivating a sense of safety and peace amidst the chaos of parental alienation. Shelby begins by sharing a touching review from a listener, highlighting the transformative impact of her coaching. She then addresses the common feeling of instability and unpredictability faced by alienated parents, emphasizing the importance of bringing focus back to oneself. Through strategies like building emotional resilience, establishing predictability in daily routines, managing stress responses, and choosing a strong support team, Shelby offers actionable steps to help parents regain control and inner peace. This episode also encourages listeners to practice consistency and implement daily routines as a foundational approach to overcome the ongoing challenges they face. Shelby also stresses the need to evaluate and adjust the kind of media content one consumes and the importance of creating a supportive and mindful living environment.
Move Past the Pain Of Alienation By Allowing Your Emotions
https://open.spotify.com/episode/4l2U2h48NBSMNt6F9inUX1?si=H-iJdIdOTxGRkc2SFt1sAg
00:00 Introduction and Listener Review
01:49 The Graduate Program and Client Experiences
03:24 Navigating Alienation and Creating Safety
06:51 Building Emotional Resilience
17:59 Establishing Predictability and Managing Stress
25:57 Choosing the Your Support Team(s)
37:11 Final Thoughts and Call to Action
parentalalienationrecovery #alienatedparent #podcastforalienatedparents
In episode 129 of 'Beyond the High Road' podcast, Shelby discusses the emotional challenges faced by alienated parents and those experiencing grief. She reflects on the importance of engaging in hobbies like plant care that cultivate patience and dedication. She emphasizes the power of shifting one's mindset from merely surviving to thriving, even during the grief of alienation. Drawing from personal anecdotes and client experiences, Shelby encourages listeners to actively shape a fulfilling future rather than settling for mediocrity or avoiding pain. She argues that embracing growth and finding deeper meaning in life can ultimately lead to post-traumatic growth and a more enriched life experience. The episode also touches on the biological implications of prolonged isolation and the importance of loving oneself to break out of negative emotional cycles. Shelby concludes with a call to embrace opportunities for joy and not resign to a life of low-grade suffering.
00:00 Introduction and Greetings
00:35 Plant Talk and Personal Reflections
02:48 The Sneaky Mindset of Resignation
07:34 Challenging Limiting Beliefs & Avoiding Pain
09:05 Client Story and Life Lessons
11:57 Embracing Post-Traumatic Growth
16:24 Did Alienation Lead Us To A Deeper Well?
19:37 The Importance of Self-Care
21:33 Negative Feedback Loops & Emotional Unavailibility
33:26 Conclusion and Call to Action
parentalalienation #podcastforalienatedparents #grief
Trust Your Compass: A Journey to Restore Your Bond For Alienated ParentsIn episode #128 of the Beyond the High Road podcast, Shelby Milford shares a recorded Facebook Live session addressing alienated parents seeking to reconnect with their children. Shelby discusses the challenges parents face in reunification and the importance of trusting their instincts amidst professional and societal pressures. Through a case study of a past client, Shelby highlights the struggle with feelings of marginalization, self-doubt, and maintaining a parental role. She offers practical advice on how to engage with children, emphasizing the necessity of maintaining authority while fostering a loving relationship. The episode aims to empower parents by encouraging them to value their role and trust their inner compass during the reunification process.00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview01:44 Reconnecting with Your Child: A Client Story03:18 Challenges in Reunification05:10 Parental Authority, Self-Doubt, and Inner Compass08:55 Effective Communication Strategies17:55 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
parentalalienation #alienatedmom #parentalalienationrecovery #podcastforalienatedparents
Building a Leadership Mindset After Parental Alienation
In Episode 127, host Shelby Milford discusses cultivating a leadership mindset in personal life, particularly after experiences of parental alienation. Shelby focuses on feeling lost, the struggles of alienated parents, and the importance of self-leadership. She emphasizes recognizing and honoring personal desires, managing self-talk, dealing with emotions, and investing in personal growth. She also recounts her own experiences with self-doubt and stress and outlines the importance of letting go of past identities to find freedom and become a more effective leader of one's life. Shelby advocates for taking concrete steps to implement learnings from various resources to transform from a reactive to a proactive leader.
00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview
00:28 Personal Update and Plant Talk
00:41 Leadership Mindset in Personal Life
01:47 Parental Alienation and Leadership
03:15 Challenges in Self-Leadership
05:28 Self-Advocacy and Mental Health
09:00 Taking Accountability and Letting Go
29:36 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
What To Say When They Ask About Your Kids & The Urge to Commiserate as an Alienated Parent
In episode 126 of the Beyond the High Road podcast, Shelby Milford discusses strategies for responding to questions about your kids and dealing with people who want to commiserate over difficult family situations. Shelby combines insights from a previously unreleased video with reflections prompted by a scene from the TV show White Lotus. Listeners will learn a three-step process for succinctly responding to inquiries about their children and setting boundaries to avoid oversharing. Additionally, Shelby provides her thoughts on handling commiserative conversations, emphasizing the importance of practicing responses and focusing on one's own well-being. This episode is particularly valuable for those navigating the challenges of parental alienation and seeking to maintain healthy relationships while preserving their mental health.
Friends and Fam Parental Alienation Info: https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/friendsandfamily
00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview
02:08 Handling Questions About Your Kids
08:19 Practicing Your Responses
11:27 Dealing with Commiseration
18:07 Understanding Others' Perspectives
20:50 Focusing on Personal Healing
25:30 Setting Boundaries and Moving Forward
31:42 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
parentalalienation #parentalalienationrecovery #podcastforalienatedparents
Embracing Your Powerful Yes: Self-Advocacy for Alienated Parents
In episode 125 of Beyond the High Road, Shelby Milford delves into the concept of the 'powerful yes.' Shelby emphasizes the importance of saying yes to what genuinely matters and serves one’s self, while also recognizing when to assertively say no. It's crucial for alienated parents, who often find themselves over-committing to others, to reclaim their power and prioritize their own needs and goals. Shelby discusses the habitual nature of people-pleasing, the courage needed to face conflict, and the detrimental effects of always putting others first. This deeply personal and motivational episode encourages listeners to consciously commit to their own well-being and aspirations, advocating for a balanced, intentional approach to life and responsibilities.
00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview
00:42 The Power of Saying Yes
02:31 Struggles of Alienated Parents
05:00 People Pleasing and Self-Worth
07:44 Avoiding Conflict and Fear of Rejection
09:22 Habits and Overcommitment
15:46 Personal Reflections and Family Dynamics
17:49 Making Empowered Decisions
24:39 Commitment and Decision Making
24:55 The Power of Saying Yes or No
26:02 SIX Questions to Ask Before You Commit
28:33 Understanding the Benefits and Drawbacks
30:30 Considering the "NO"
31:42 Allow for Evolution and Trials
36:40 The Seed Analogy: Nurturing Ideas
40:31 The Importance of Persistence
43:41 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
parentalalienation #podcastforalienatedparents #alienatedmom
Managing Stress and Health Amidst Parental Alienation
In episode 124 of 'Beyond the High Road,' Shelby Milford candidly shares her recent struggles with health issues, including a suspected diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis, and her journey towards understanding the connection between stress and physical health. She discusses the importance of managing one's mind effectively and the impact of prolonged stress from parental alienation. Shelby emphasizes the need for alienated parents to take steps for their health, listen to their intuition, and empower themselves with mindful practices to navigate daily challenges and reduce stress-induced health problems.
00:00 Introduction and Episode Setup
00:29 Personal Struggles and Health Issues
01:19 Detailed Health Symptoms
05:43 Potential Diagnosis and Emotional Impact
08:09 Managing Stress and Mental Health
10:30 Effects of Alienation and Stress
14:56 Empowerment Through Mind Management
16:36 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
parentalalienation #paretnalalienationrecovery
Navigating the Complexities of Parental Alienation: When and How to Talk to Your KidsIn episode 123 of the Beyond the High Road podcast, Shelby Milford discusses the sensitive and complex topic of parental alienation (PA) and whether or when to inform your children about it. Shelby highlights the importance of focusing on one's own healing as a prerequisite to addressing PA with children. She outlines two main scenarios where it might be appropriate to discuss PA with children: when they come to you with questions and when you have nothing left to lose. Shelby emphasizes the need for humility, all-encompassing love, and a clear understanding of one's motives before engaging in such conversations. She also provides practical advice on teaching critical thinking skills to children and the importance of validating their emotions. Throughout the episode, Shelby underscores the significance of approaching the topic with a mindset geared towards connection and understanding, rather than defense or blame.00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview00:12 The Dilemma of Telling Your Kids01:47 When to Tell Your Kids About Alienation05:21 Preparing for the Conversation08:57 Approaching with Humility and Love20:01 Teaching Critical Thinking30:13 Focusing on Your Own Feelings30:53 Practicing Positive Thoughts31:53 Teaching Critical Thinking Skills33:02 Handling Emotional Outbursts33:57 Encouraging Open Conversations35:01 Using Feelings Lists36:40 Avoiding Common Pitfalls42:46 Understanding the Alienator's Mindset45:14 Finding Compassion and Neutrality53:07 Summarizing Key Points56:43 Final Thoughts and Announcements
From Stuck to Unstoppable: Overcoming Self-Limiting BeliefsIn episode 122 of the Beyond the High Road podcast, Shelby Milford addresses how to transition from feeling stagnant to becoming unstoppable. Shelby discusses the importance of understanding the root causes of stagnation, emphasizing that they often stem from thoughts and emotions rather than external circumstances. The episode explores key negative emotions—doubt, fear, confusion, and overwhelm—that hinder progress, and highlights the importance of challenging habitual negative thought patterns. Shelby also introduces a 30-day course aimed at helping listeners achieve their goals and move forward in life, leveraging daily exercises to dismantle limiting beliefs. The episode provides insights into the necessity of committing to personal growth and finding value in current life aspects to foster a mindset of abundance.
30 Day Course: https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/Unstoppable
Facebook Private Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/HighRoadPrivate
00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview00:21 Understanding Why You're Stuck01:20 The Power of Thoughts and Emotions03:30 Breaking Negative Thought Patterns06:21 Overcoming Fear and Doubt11:06 Taking Action Despite Uncertainty14:03 Personal Story of Overcoming Stagnation18:40 Commitment to Success21:48 Understanding Overwhelm and Prioritizing22:21 Primitive Brain and Excuses22:37 Facing Public Speaking Fears24:51 The Role of Commitment25:35 Managing Temporary Discomfort28:08 The Importance of Taking Action36:40 Shifting from Lack to Abundance37:30 Appreciating What You Have41:29 Conclusion and Course Information
parentalalienation #parentalalienationrecovery #alienatedparent #podcastforalienatedparents #alienatedmom #alienateddad
In episode 121 of Beyond the High Road, host Shelby Milford delves into the topic of parental alienation, using the recent controversy surrounding Allison Holker and the late dancer tWitch as a case study. Shelby discusses the impact of alienation on families, drawing parallels to her own experiences with her daughter's stepmother. Despite the turmoil, she stresses the importance of advocating for justice from a place of love rather than giving in to anger. Tune in for a raw and thought-provoking discussion aimed at raising awareness and fostering community support among alienated parents.
00:00 Introduction and Episode Setup
00:44 Shelby's Back Injury Story
02:13 Postponing Planned Content
03:29 Reflections on Erin Brockovich and Twitch
05:51 Suspicions About Twitch's Wife
08:23 Alienation and Advocacy
14:35 Managing Anger and Seeking Justice
23:30 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
parentalalienation #parentalalienationrecovery #twitch #alienatingparents
A Coaching Session on Confronting FearsIn episode 120 of 'Beyond the High Road' with Shelby Milford, listeners are invited to a coaching call between Shelby and one of her long-term clients. The session tackles common concerns and anxieties faced by alienated parents, particularly focusing on the client's fears of encountering her ex and the resulting emotional turmoil. Shelby provides insightful coaching on how to manage such anxieties and shift negative thought patterns. The episode highlights strategies to foster self-compassion, recognize unhelpful thoughts, and take control of one's mindset during stressful situations.00:00 Introduction and Orchid Talk
02:26 Therapeutic Benefits of Hobbies
03:41 Upcoming Projects and Coaching Call Introduction
06:23 Client's Anxiety and Paranoia Discussion
09:54 Analyzing the Root of Anxiety
13:32 Managing Anxiety in Social Situations
16:11 Challenging Negative Thoughts
17:21 The Resistance Model
18:27 Choosing Fun and Relaxation
19:22 Defining Fun and Overcoming Anxiety
20:25 Facing Intimidation and Managing Reactions
21:47 Anticipation vs. Reality
22:37 Understanding the Source of Intimidation
27:25 Self-Compassion and Coaching
30:38 Final Thoughts and Upcoming Events
parentalalienation #parentalalienationrecovery #healingtrauma
Embracing Contradictions in Healing and GrowthIn episode 119 of the Beyond the High Road Podcast, host Shelby Milford dives into the topic of personal contradictions during the healing and grief process. She candidly shares about negative feelings (anger) she experienced toward her ex while re-watching 'Big Little Lies' and the resurfacing of old traumas. Shelby discusses the power of acknowledging and accepting these contradictory thoughts as a natural part of healing from trauma and grief. She also emphasizes the importance of self-compassion and understanding that having conflicting emotions is normal. Throughout the episode, Shelby provides insights into how alienated parents can navigate their own healing journeys and reminds listeners that progress is not linear but filled with 'ands' rather than 'buts'.00:00 Introduction and Personal Anecdotes01:10 Today's Topic: Contradictions in Alienation02:03 Personal Reflections and TV Show Insights05:32 Acknowledging and Processing Negative Thoughts09:24 Embracing Contradictions in Healing20:25 Client Success Story and Radical Acceptance26:41 Final Thoughts and Encouragement28:51 Closing Remarks and Announcements
Principles for Thriving Post-Alienation in 2025In this episode of the Beyond the High Road podcast, Shelby Milford kicks off the new year by discussing key principles to live by in 2025 for those experiencing or recovering from parental alienation. She shares her own experiences and insights, highlights five critical principles, and encourages listeners to choose a 'word of the year' to guide their mindset. Shelby underscores the importance of acceptance, redefining one's identity, focusing on solutions, embracing self-rebuilding, and prioritizing self-care. The episode concludes by inviting listeners to share their own 'word of the year' and join the community in starting the year with intention and strength.00:00 Introduction and New Year Greetings00:58 Principles for 2025 Post-Alienation03:43 Accept and Acknowledge Post-Alienation10:40 Redefine Your Identity16:26 Focus on Solutions, Not Problems20:14 Embrace and Play the Game Well30:11 Word of the Year: Sturdiness35:53 Conclusion and Call to Action
parentalalienation #parentalalienationrecovery #alienatedmom #healingtrauma #coercivecontrol #forcedestrangement
Cultivating Abundance Amidst Alienation
In this episode of The Beyond the High Road Podcast, host Shelby Milford addresses the concept of creating abundance in one's life despite experiencing the pain of alienation. Recorded during the holiday season, Shelby discusses the importance of shifting focus from loss and lack to abundance and creation. She shares personal experiences and the benefits of changing one's mindset to overcome feelings of loneliness and grief. The episode emphasizes the significance of managing one's thoughts and manifesting a fulfilling life, even in the face of difficult circumstances like parental alienation.
00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview
00:29 Creating Abundance in Your Life
01:30 Dealing with Holiday Grief and Alienation
02:54 Understanding and Processing Grief
03:54 The Importance of Experiencing Grief
05:41 Manifesting a New Reality
09:00 Overcoming Loneliness and Loss
11:40 The Power of Self-Belief and Manifestation
13:31 Practical Steps to Manifest Change
25:41 Conclusion and Holiday Wishes
Finding Glimmers and Reclaiming Joy During the HolidaysIn Episode 116 of the 'Beyond the High Road' podcast, Shelby Milford discusses the emotional rollercoaster faced by alienated parents during holidays, birthdays, & all other "triggering" events. She emphasizes the importance of finding 'glimmers'—small moments of joy and connection—to counterbalance the negative effects of trauma and stress. Shelby shares personal anecdotes, including her love for the 'Inside Out' movies and her experiences with an elderly friend, illustrating how mindfulness and small, positive moments can help reframe one's perspective. She encourages listeners to seek out these glimmers intentionally and offers insights on how to cultivate new, joyful experiences. Shelby also mentions special promotions available until January 1st.00:00 Introduction and Holiday Reflections01:31 Inside Out 2 and Emotional Insights03:44 Understanding Trauma and Glimmers06:41 Finding Glimmers in Everyday Life10:34 Personal Stories and Reflections16:40 Engaging with the World and Others29:58 Final Thoughts and Special Offers
Radical Self-Acceptance: Embracing Your Beautiful Self
In Episode 115 of the 'Beyond the High Road' podcast, Shelby Milford discusses the concept of 'holding space for yourself' and the journey of self-acceptance. She highlights the importance of allowing oneself to be authentic without judgment and shares personal stories from her childhood and a recent experience at the eye doctor's office. Shelby reads a heartfelt listener review that ties into the day's topic, emphasizing how overcoming challenges can lead to personal growth. The episode is a compassionate exploration of self-love, resilience, and the impact of early relationships on current behavior.00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview01:22 Reading Listener Reviews02:59 Embracing Personal Growth08:12 Her Eye Doctor Saga12:56 Childhood Memories and Influences28:32 Radical Self-Acceptance48:47 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
#parentalalienation #alienatedmom #forcedestrangement
In Episode 114 host Shelby Milford delves into coping strategies for holiday stress, following being alienated from your children. Shelby offers practical advice on setting realistic expectations, making plans, setting boundaries, and creating new traditions. She emphasizes the importance of grounding techniques and mindful practices for managing grief during the holidays. Shelby also discusses externalizing loss through tributes, storytelling, and making new memories. Additionally, she underscores the value of service work as a powerful way to connect with others and find meaning. This comprehensive holiday survival guide aims to support alienated parents through challenging times.
00:00 Introduction and Listener Appreciation
03:50 Holiday Specials and Offers
04:57 Holiday Survival Kit: Self-Care Tips
08:45 Managing Expectations and Creating a Plan
16:04 Setting Boundaries and Handling Family Interactions
22:32 Creating New Memories and Moving Forward
25:10 Sharing Stories and Memories
26:15 Losing and Recreating Cherished Items
29:29 Creating New Traditions and Honoring the Past
34:40 Grounding Techniques for Stressful Moments
37:19 Physical and Mental Grounding Exercises
44:21 Distraction Techniques and Final Thoughts
In the 113th episode of the Beyond the High Road podcast, host Shelby Milford discusses the importance of being and becoming your own best friend, especially during challenging times throughout the year. Shelby shares practical advice on self-love, including qualities that a supportive friend would possess and how to embody those traits for yourself. The episode covers topics such as being a good listener, offering self-encouragement, avoiding self-comparison, maintaining honesty and boundaries, and much more. Shelby also reflects on personal experiences and emphasizes the value of persevering through difficulties, believing in oneself, and maintaining positive self-talk.00:00 Introduction to the Podcast00:09 The Importance of Self-Love02:28 Qualities of a Best Friend02:49 Being a Good Listener04:09 Encouragement and Belief in Yourself04:38 Overcoming Childhood Discouragement06:29 The Power of Belief09:53 Embracing Hardship11:48 Avoiding Comparisons18:34 Honesty with Yourself20:09 Embracing Self-Compassion20:28 The Power of Trying and Collecting Data21:03 Encouraging Self-Expression23:03 Learning to Enjoy Your Own Company26:08 Setting Boundaries for Self-Preservation31:09 Surrounding Yourself with Achievers33:12 Non-Judgmental Self-Talk34:55 Living Your Own Path37:14 The Importance of Loyalty to Yourself39:37 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
In this episode of the Beyond the High Road podcast, Shelby Milford outlines the main reason that many alienated parents remain in suffering. Drawing inspiration from Tony Robbins, she discusses the need to value something more than the pain itself to heal and grow. Shelby shares her personal journey of overcoming feelings of insignificance and continually evolving through self-reflection and action. She highlights how the human brain's default is finding comfort and confirming ideas for which it already has evidence.
00:00 Introduction and Announcements03:24 Lessons from Tony Robbins04:00 Understanding the Pain of Alienation07:03 The Role of Responsibility in Healing26:24 The Power of Belief and Focus33:02 Redefining Identity and Moving Forward44:21 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
To Gift or Not to Gift: Modeling Unconditional Love as an Alienated ParentIn this episode of the Beyond The High Road Podcast, host Shelby Milford discusses the complexities of gift-giving, particularly concerning alienated children. She explores the common concerns and anxieties around whether to give gifts and how they will be received. Shelby delves deep into the concept of unconditional love, emphasizing that gifts should be given without expecting anything in return and from a place of genuine love and support for the recipient's own desires and growth. She also shares personal anecdotes and practical examples to illustrate how unconditional love can be expressed through thoughtfulness and without financial strain. The episode aims to help alienated parents navigate the emotional landscape of gift-giving while fostering a deeper, more authentic connection with their children.00:00 Introduction
00:40 The Dilemma of Gift Giving01:23 Unconditional Love and Parenting02:24 The Emotional Struggle of Gift Giving05:25 The True Meaning of Unconditional Love08:14 Practical Examples of Unconditional Love27:22 Navigating Holiday Gift Giving30:36 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
Overcoming Mental Barriers to Achieve Your GoalsIn episode 110 of the Beyond the High Road podcast, Shelby Milford shed light on what might be holding you back from reaching your goals. She explores the concept of quitting ahead of time and acknowledges that yes, being alienated from your children can be a barrier, but doesn't need to hold you back in all areas of your life. She discusses the impact of unexamined rogue thoughts and beliefs that hinder personal progress and offers strategies to recognize and manage these thoughts. Shelby shares personal anecdotes, emphasizing the importance of having clear goals and the journey of self-transformation. She encourages listeners to appreciate the process of working towards their goals and highlights resilience along the way.00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview00:55 What's Holding You Back?03:05 The Power of Goals and Purpose05:01 Personal Story: Fitness Competition10:49 Overcoming Mental Barriers15:47 Practical Steps to Achieve Your Goals26:18 Resilience and Long-Term Success36:04 Conclusion and Weekly Updates
Understanding and Revising First ThoughtsIn this episode of 'Beyond the High Road' with Shelby Milford, Shelby explores the concept of 'first thoughts' – the initial, often judgmental reactions we have to various circumstances that many alienated parents experience. She discusses how these thoughts, influenced by our past experiences, can be harsh and self-critical but emphasizes that they do not define us. Shelby offers strategies for revising these first thoughts to align more closely with our desired outcomes, especially in the context of parental alienation and challenging interactions with children. The episode also touches on managing urges and revising core beliefs through conscious effort and specific methods.00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview01:28 Understanding First Thoughts02:40 Dealing with Negative First Thoughts06:05 Revising First Thoughts for Positive Outcomes11:00 Applying the Method to Overcome Beliefs13:14 Handling Alienating Parents' Actions29:55 Managing Habits and Urges32:31 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
In this episode of the Beyond the High Road podcast, host Shelby Milford tackles the prevalent "I can't because..." mentality among alienated parents. Shelby shares her personal journey through financial instability, mixed parental guidance, and trauma, illustrating how these factors foster dependence and hinder growth. She discusses the cycle of outsourcing responsibility and the pitfalls of self-pity and entitlement. Emphasizing the importance of self-reliance and financial independence, Shelby urges listeners to break free from societal judgments, create value, and embrace self-belief and resilience. This episode aims to empower alienated parents to move away from dependency, overcome financial hurdles, and achieve personal freedom and well-being.
00:00 Introduction and Episode Start
00:50 Mid-Workout Realization
02:48 Addressing Victim Mentality
04:31 Personal Experiences with Financial Struggles
08:42 Mixed Messages About Money
13:06 Reliance on Others and Toxic Cycles
24:24 Breaking the Cycle of Reliance
25:59 My Inspiration to Take the Leap
27:32 Fear of Cutting the Safety Net
29:00 The Trap of Dependency
29:50 The Slippery Slope of Entitlement
32:00 Creating Self-Sufficiency
33:59 Breaking the Cycle of Victimhood
39:23 Taking Responsibility and Moving Forward
43:04 Empowerment Through Self-Creation
45:47 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
Healing Through Vulnerability: Overcoming Trauma and Strengthening BondsIn Episode 107 of Beyond the High Road Podcast, Shelby Milford reflects on her experiences during a hurricane and the impact of recent events in Israel. She delves into profound concepts of grief, vulnerability, and the deep emotional connections between parents and children. Shelby recounts personal stories highlighting the intuitive bond she felt with her daughter from pregnancy onwards, discussing the evolution of this relationship as a survival mechanism. The episode underscores reclaiming personal power, transforming trauma into growth, and avoiding a victim mentality. Practical insights on setting boundaries, processing emotions, and fostering genuine connections are shared, aiming to help alienated parents heal and cultivate meaningful relationships.00:00 Introduction and Podcast Opening01:00 Hurricane Aftermath and Personal Reflections01:48 Impact of Natural Disasters on Community04:34 Global Tragedies and Empathy06:59 Personal Grief and Emotional Connection08:34 Parent-Child Bond and Emotional Awareness16:23 Victimhood vs. Vulnerability21:24 Conflicting Mindsets and Ignored Pain22:39 Victim Mentality and Its Impact23:55 Resilience and Vulnerability25:57 Examples of Victim Mentality30:40 Choosing Vulnerability Over Victimhood32:32 The Power of Authenticity38:50 Taking Responsibility and Moving Forward41:10 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
Managing Anxiety and Preparing for Challenges Amid CrisisIn episode 106 of the Beyond the High Road podcast, Shelby Milford uses the impending threat of a hurricane in Florida and her preparations as a backdrop to discuss managing anxiety and overthinking, providing listeners strategies to talk themselves down from stressful situations. She emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and listing anxieties, asking critical questions, and exploring solutions, both short-term and long-term. Shelby shares examples from her own life and those she has encountered to illustrate these concepts. The episode also reflects on how viewers facing personal challenges, like alienation, can apply these techniques to manage fears and determine actionable steps. Amidst this, she also highlights her course designed to help individuals apply these principles in real-life scenarios, emphasizing that it could have a lasting impact on their lives.00:00 Introduction and Greetings00:18 Hurricane Preparations01:45 Organizing the Garage02:58 Talking Yourself Off a Ledge03:35 Managing Anxiety and Overthinking04:17 Problem Solving and Overcoming Obstacles05:19 Acknowledging and Addressing Anxiety09:32 Evaluating Problems and Solutions17:51 Financial Challenges and Solutions22:50 Fighting for What Matters30:12 Conclusion and Course Information
In episode 105 of the 'Beyond the High Road' podcast, Shelby Milford shares a deeply personal story about her pattern of losing sentimental items and grappling with self-judgment. She explores the theme of how clinging to the past and its narratives can hinder personal growth and future potential. Shelby offers insights into overcoming negative beliefs and perceptions, especially for alienated parents, and emphasizes the importance of defining oneself and one's future independent of past experiences. The episode also includes announcements about her upcoming live sessions and the opening of the AP survival course.
LIVE SCHEDULE THIS WEEK!
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10/03/24: 8pm EDT Live TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/live/event/7421273599425642542?enter_from=share_link&share_from_user_id=6817526390825550853
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10/04/24 noon EDT Facebook Private Group
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10/05/24 4pm Facebook Private Group
- 10/06/24 4pm YouTube Live
00:00 Introduction to Beyond the High Road Podcast
00:28 Upcoming Live Sessions and Announcements
02:00 The Power of Practical Application
02:35 Overcoming Limiting Beliefs
04:19 Personal Story of Loss & Identity
10:43 The Illusion of Control
18:11 Embracing Change and Moving Forward
29:48 The Role of Perception in Shaping Reality
34:59 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
Navigating Hardships: Transforming Struggles into GrowthIn episode 104 of the Beyond the High Road podcast, Shelby Milford discusses practical strategies for managing overwhelm as a result of the challenges we experience as parents who've been alienated from our children. At the core, the episode provides parents with practical & actionable steps to manage feeling like the 'world is against you'.
She shares her approach to obstacles, emphasizes the significance of showing up, and offers her thoughts on how setbacks can serve as opportunities for growth. The episode concludes with a reminder to register for a free worry workshop and ongoing group coaching sessions.
00:00 Introduction and Announcements00:56 Course Details and Group Coaching Benefits02:49 Upcoming Events and Workshops03:57 Feeling Overwhelmed: Understanding and Managing05:25 Practical Steps to Overcome Challenges07:47 Mindset Shifts for Alienated Parents11:40 Embracing Growth and Change22:07 The Importance of Showing Up36:00 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
😬Register for the Worry Workshop This Sat Sept 28, 1p EDT
🎈Sign Up for the AP Survival Course!
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In this episode, Shelby introduces the concept of 'rulesets' and ‘manuals' that we unconsciously create for ourselves and the people in our lives. She dissects the polarizing advice often given to alienated parents, urging them to 'become the opposite of whatever the alienating parent is accusing you of,' and argues for a more mindful, balanced approach.
She stresses the importance of recognizing both good and bad qualities in ourselves and others for personal growth and emotional peace. Shelby also discusses her upcoming course module called 'Roots,' aimed at helping people understand their self-perception and inherent biases. The episode encourages listeners to redefine their perspectives, embrace their unique traits, and find a balanced outlook on life's challenges.
Get 25% off the AP Survival Course!
https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/alienatedparentsurvival
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Worry Workshop is Sept 28th @1p EDT! Register here: https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/WorryWorkshop
Article: There Is Nothing Either Good Or Bad But Thinking Makes It So
00:00 Introduction and Announcements
00:58 Course Details and Benefits
03:30 Default Negative Thinking
04:08 Workshop on Worrying
05:30 Rule Sets, Tone & Personal Narratives
08:10 Challenging Black / White Thinking
09:26 "Become The Opposite of Their Accusations"
11:00 Embracing Your Good, Bad, & 'Ugly'
14:25 Haters
15:40 50/50 Concept Introduction
18:50 Finding Peace Through Understanding
30:57 Daily Perceptions and Their Impact
32:53 Conclusion and Course Sign-Up
Navigating the Waves of GriefIn this heartfelt episode of the Beyond the High Road Podcast, Shelby Milford reflects on the journey of navigating grief, particularly after significant milestones and personal losses. Shelby opens up about her recent struggles with grief waves during the back to school season. She shares insights into the complexities of grief, drawing from her own experiences as well as a touching piece from Reddit that illustrates the unpredictable nature of emotional waves. Shelby emphasizes the importance of holding space for oneself, avoiding the temptation to label or resist emotions, and finding strength through acceptance and processing of grief. This episode serves as a compassionate and encouraging reminder to alienated parents and all listeners that experiencing deep emotions is a part of humanizing and healing, and it's possible to thrive even amidst the sorrow.SPECIAL EARLY BIRD PRICE ON THE ALIENATED PARENT'S SURVIAL COURSE!!
*Coupon Codes* "EARLYBIRD" & "EARLYBIRD2**"
https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/alienatedparentsurvival
Reclaiming Life: Empowerment and Healing for Alienated ParentsIn episode 101 of the Beyond the High Road podcast, host Shelby Milford delves into the struggles faced by alienated parents, using her personal experience to offer practical advice for coping with separation and fostering inner peace. Emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and confronting personal narratives, Shelby provides actionable steps for personal growth, self-acceptance, and overcoming self-sabotaging behaviors. She highlights the power of compassion, connection, and perseverance, using the metaphor of a caterpillar's metamorphosis to illustrate personal transformation. Practical tips include reframing negative thoughts, engaging in constructive conversations, and neutralizing life’s events to reduce unnecessary suffering. Listeners are encouraged to persist in their journey towards healing and reclaiming their lives.00:00 Introduction and Announcements02:45 Reflecting on Personal Struggles05:17 Understanding Alienation and Self-Esteem08:28 Coping Mechanisms and Emotional Challenges11:24 The Journey to Self-Acceptance22:31 Functional Freeze and Overcoming Obstacles44:22 Changing the Narrative and Moving Forward47:26 The Power of Self-Talk48:04 Letting Go of Others' Opinions48:58 Breaking Free from Confusion50:05 Dealing with Anger and Resentment51:03 The Pain of Alienation53:29 Embracing All Emotions54:20 The Importance of Self-Worth55:41 Taking Action and Making Decisions58:55 The Role of Responsibility01:02:47 Transforming Through Adversity01:26:56 Neutralizing Life's Events01:29:25 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
Healing and Empowerment: Overcoming the Challenges of Parental AlienationIn the milestone 100th episode of Beyond the High Road, host Shelby Milford reflects on her journey and the growth of the podcast. Expressing heartfelt gratitude to her loyal listeners, Shelby revisits the difficult experiences of her life, especially parental alienation. She discusses the intense emotions and challenges of alienation, the importance of self-healing, and ways to find empowerment through adversity. Shelby emphasizes the power of personal responsibility in healing, the impact of positive thinking, and the necessity of self-love and resilience. She shares personal anecdotes and offers practical advice to those grappling with similar issues, encouraging listeners to reclaim their happiness and thrive despite their hardships.
I want to hear from you! Vote for the new course format: https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/Courseformat00:00 Introduction and Milestone Celebration00:49 Listener Appreciation and Personal Reflections01:57 Challenges and Overcoming Adversity04:00 Course Announcement and Poll Participation05:02 Dealing with Alienation and Emotional Struggles07:44 Finding Inner Strength and Resilience09:04 Understanding and Managing Anxiety23:01 The Power of Self-Responsibility33:43 A Heartfelt Reunion35:06 The Power of Acceptance36:36 Overcoming Shame and Resistance37:45 Embracing New Perspectives41:57 Taking Risks for Growth42:46 Daily Habits for a Better Life44:29 Facing Fears and Taking Responsibility53:45 Understanding Grief and Coping Mechanisms58:31 The Importance of Healing01:02:45 Empowerment and Moving Forward
In Episode 99 of Beyond the High Road Podcast, Shelby delivers significant insights on how cognitive distortions magnify the fears surrounding parental alienation. Shelby provides an update on her upcoming course aimed for early October, inviting listeners to contribute their preferences for either self-study or group coaching. She emphasizes the life-changing effects of her methods and encourages parents to utilize available resources for healing. The episode explores key fears parents have—such as their child being unequipped to handle situations, believing alienation-triggered narratives, and their child possibly becoming the alienator. Shelby discusses the importance of maintaining a healthy mindset to avoid unknowingly pushing children away and strategically navigating feelings of rejection. She concludes with a preview of the 100th episode, featuring the best moments from previous podcasts.
I want to hear from you! Vote for the new course format: https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/Courseformat00:00 Introduction and Announcements00:29 Course Details and Benefits01:42 One-on-One Coaching Offer04:36 Free Facebook Group05:50 Understanding Cognitive Distortions06:14 Main Fears of Alienated Parents09:25 Fear of Rejection by Children16:15 Dealing with Social Anxiety and Rejection29:55 Conclusion and Upcoming Episode
In episode 98 of Beyond the High Road with Shelby Milford, Shelby explores the cognitive distortions that can unwittingly drive a wedge between parents and their children. She discusses key distortions such as excessive positivity, emotional reasoning, and micromanaging, and their impact on alienated parents. Shelby also shares strategies for overcoming these mental habits to foster a healthier relationship with children. The episode concludes with an exciting announcement about a new course designed to support alienated parents, available in both group coaching and self-study formats.
Vote for Course Format @ https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/Courseformat
00:00 Introduction and Announcements
01:54 Unintentionally Pushing Your Kids Away
04:14 The Pressure of Positivity
13:58 Emotional Reasoning and Cognitive Distortions
15:47 The Trap of Should Statements
21:43 Micromanaging and Labeling
30:17 Challenging Assumptions in Parenting
30:35 The Dangers of Catastrophizing
31:32 Real-Life Client Stories
39:33 Mind Reading and Fortune Telling
42:36 Overcoming Fear and Rejection
49:48 Course Announcement and Poll
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In Episode 97 of Beyond the High Road Podcast, Shelby Milford delves deep into the challenges and emotional struggle that come with parental alienation. She reflects on past experiences, including court battles and the stresses of proving her worth as a mother. Shelby shares insights from Mark Manson on finding purpose by understanding what you are willing to struggle for. Through personal anecdotes, she discusses the importance of redefining pain and setbacks as part of the journey, and emphasizes the need for clarity and brutal honesty with oneself about goals and motivations. Shelby encourages listeners to embrace their struggles with intention and focus, ensuring that they are aligned with their true desires and ultimate goals in their fight for reunification.00:00 Introduction and Recap00:40 The Gym Analogy: Embracing the Struggle02:59 Applying the Mindset to Alienation06:20 Choosing Your Struggles14:00 Court Battles and Personal Struggles20:21 The Never-Ending Testing Cycle27:34 Finding Clarity and Purpose28:04 Reflecting on the Past Struggles30:07 The Wrong Fight: Lessons from The Karate Kid31:42 Understanding Your True Purpose33:59 Reunification Challenges37:30 The Importance of Self-Honesty41:04 Empowering Yourself and Setting Realistic Goals49:15 Choosing Yourself First52:25 Final Thoughts and Encouragement--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support
Confronting Procrastination & Embracing The Struggle In PurposeIn episode 96 of the Beyond the High Road podcast, Shelby Milford explores the intertwined topics of procrastination and finding purpose. She candidly shares her personal struggles with procrastination, especially when faced with emotionally charged tasks, highlighting how fear, particularly of discomfort and the unknown, often underpins procrastination. Shelby delves into her experiences of managing interactions with her ex, dealing with financial constraints in legal battles, and the importance of choosing struggles consciously. Emphasizing that one's quality of life is shaped by the quality of their challenges, she encourages listeners to identify what they are willing to struggle for, thus reframing their approach to purpose and commitment.00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview01:28 The Struggle with Procrastination02:46 Facing Emotional Challenges06:16 Dealing with Legal and Financial Stress10:24 Shifting Mindsets and Overcoming Fear19:49 Finding Purpose and Motivation29:59 Choosing Your Struggles Wisely40:13 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
Mark Manson Article: The Most Important Question of Your Life
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Story Alchemy: Transforming Our Inner NarrativesIn episode 95 of the Beyond The High Road podcast, Shelby Milford discusses the impact of the stories we tell ourselves and how they influence our happiness. She emphasizes the importance of re-evaluating and reframing these narratives to improve our interactions and mental well-being. Shelby shares examples from her clients to illustrate how holding onto negative beliefs can create unnecessary stress and dissatisfaction. She also introduces a new feature on Spotify that allows listeners to leave comments and interact with her directly. Tune in to learn practical strategies for transforming your mindset and finding joy in your current reality.00:00 Introduction and Announcements01:37 The Stories We Tell Ourselves03:04 Client Examples and Insights07:12 The Power of Neutralizing Stories13:27 The Farmer and His Horse: A Parable16:35 Taking Control of Your Narrative29:50 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
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In episode 94 of the Beyond the High Road podcast, host Shelby Milford discusses her insights and lessons learned from a tumultuous weekend and delves into the common traits among alienated parents and their potential links to childhood trauma stemming from the roles played by their own parent(s). She explores the possibility that many alienated parents might have experienced trauma as a result of growing up with a parent displaying traits of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Shelby emphasizes the importance of understanding these roots to aid in healing and offers words of encouragement and advice for setting boundaries. She highlights the significance of consistent support among alienated parents and provides practical advice on joining her private Facebook group for further community and support. She concludes by encouraging listeners to balance reflecting on past experiences with focusing on their present and future healing journeys.
00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview
00:22 Current Events and Personal Reflections
01:42 Podcast Announcements and Community Guidelines
03:42 Listener Reviews and Feedback
05:24 Addressing Negative Feedback
10:42 Personal Insights and Reflections
16:53 Introduction to Today's Topic
18:17 Exploring Common Traits Among Alienated Parents
20:13 Reflecting on Childhood Perceptions
21:08 Realizing Differences in Family Dynamics
21:54 Understanding Attachment Styles
23:30 The Impact of Parental Behavior
24:45 Healing and Moving Forward
26:25 Exploring Parental Personality Disorders
30:14 Personal Reflections and Client Insights
32:35 Empowerment Through Self-Awareness
35:44 Balancing Past and Future
43:46 Final Thoughts and Future Discussions
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In episode 93 of the Beyond the High Road podcast, Shelby Milford celebrates approaching the 100-episode milestone while working on a 'best of' collection. Shelby discusses the importance of physical exercise and nutrition in managing the prolonged freeze response and nervous system dysregulation experienced by many alienated parents. She shares personal anecdotes about reconnecting with physical fitness and offers practical advice on starting simple exercise routines and healthy eating habits to improve overall well-being and energy levels. Shelby emphasizes the powerful impact of exercise on mental and emotional health and encourages listeners to take proactive steps in caring for their bodies to better navigate their trauma and daily stresses.00:00 Introduction and Upcoming Milestone01:39 Listener Reviews and Feedback02:59 Understanding Trauma Responses05:51 The Importance of Physical Exercise06:49 Mindset and Motivation for Exercise07:39 Practical Tips for Staying Active25:33 The Role of Diet in Mental and Physical Health33:41 Conclusion and Encouragement--- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support
From Freeze to Freedom: From The Journal of an Alienated ParentIn Episode 92 of the Beyond the High Road Podcast, Shelby Milford takes a deep dive into her personal struggles and triumphs during a bleak period of parental alienation. Sharing raw excerpts from her journal, Shelby revisits moments of heartache, confusion, and eventual self-realization. She relives a poignant school event with her daughter overshadowed by her stepmom's invasive presence, and reflects on her emotional journey from victimhood to empowerment. With insights on managing trauma responses, reclaiming personal power, and the cathartic process of journaling, this episode offers a beacon of hope for alienated parents navigating their own dark times.00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview00:45 Reflecting on Scarcity and Fear02:17 Sharing Personal Writings03:31 A Heartbreaking School Event08:05 Lessons from Alienation14:07 Group Coaching Experience18:49 Health Struggles and PTSD21:18 The Pain of Alienation27:55 Finding Strength and Moving Forward32:20 Encouragement and Final Thoughts
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Break Free from Stagnancy: Activate Purpose and Overcome FearIn episode 91 of 'Beyond the High Road' with Shelby Milford, Shelby discusses the importance of overcoming the feeling of being stuck and finding purpose. She emphasizes the necessity of breaking out of survival mode by taking proactive steps, even when it feels uncomfortable or uncertain. By sharing personal experiences and practical advice, Shelby encourages listeners to commit to small, purposeful actions that build momentum and lead to meaningful change. She also highlights the role of shifting perspectives, setting new patterns, and facing fears to create a more fulfilling life. Throughout the episode, Shelby underscores the importance of creating a strong foundation for oneself in order to be better positioned to support others, including one's children.00:00 Introduction and Announcements02:36 Understanding Functional Freeze05:34 Breaking Free from Survival Mode08:34 Facing the Fear of the Unknown13:05 Taking Action and Creating Change20:49 Commitment to Personal Growth26:40 Practical Tips for Getting Unstuck28:52 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
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Coping with Functional Freeze as an Alienated ParentIn episode 90 of Beyond the High Road Podcast, Shelby Milford shares her personal experiences and insights about functional freeze, especially in the context of being an alienated parent. She discusses the symptoms of functional freeze, how the condition can often be mistaken for depression, and the physiological responses involved. Shelby also offers practical solutions such as breathing exercises, dance parties, and somatic healing techniques to help move out of this state. The episode aims to provide understanding, compassion, and effective strategies for parents dealing with the emotional and physical impacts of alienation.00:00 Introduction and Announcements05:33 Understanding Functional Freeze09:31 Personal Experiences with Functional Freeze16:26 Symptoms and Signs of Functional Freeze22:15 Impact on Daily Life and Coping Strategies32:55 Living with Heightened Anxiety33:58 Startling Easily and Seeing Shadows34:52 Understanding Functional Freeze36:13 Solutions for Functional Freeze41:28 Breathing Exercises and Dance Parties48:25 Connecting with Emotions and Overcoming Trauma54:29 Compassion for Yourself and Others58:05 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
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In episode 89 of Beyond the High Road Podcast, Shelby Milford addresses the emotional turmoil faced by parents experiencing alienation from their children. Shelby discusses common feelings of exhaustion, rejection, and the desire to 'cut ties,' urging listeners to reframe these emotions and view their situation with a more objective and compassionate lens. She stresses the importance of recognizing that any rejection is a result of the pathology and not a direct personal attack. Shelby shares insights from family systems therapy, advocating for healing and recovery involving all family members. She encourages parents to build a strong sense of self, manage their thoughts, and avoid demonizing the alienating parent. Throughout the episode, Shelby provides practical advice for navigating holidays and special occasions while maintaining emotional resilience. Lastly, she champions the idea that challenges such as these are opportunities for personal growth and strength development.
00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview
00:16 Dealing with Exhaustion and Emotional Strain
01:35 Simplifying the Situation and Re-centering
02:28 Managing Expectations Around Holidays
04:44 Understanding the Root Causes of Alienation
07:00 The Role of Parental Responsibility
09:48 The Power of Self-Regulation
18:28 Reevaluating the Term 'Parental Alienation'
31:19 The Path Forward: Holistic Healing & Family Systems Therapy
36:20 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
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⚡️Zing, Zing, ZING, yall. This one may be long, but I barely came up for air. If you’re ready for a 50 minute episode that’s chock full of tips, tricks — and yes, ZINGERS — to move you from a place of lack to a place of abundance THIS IS IT⚡️ . ………..In this episode of the 'Beyond the High Road' podcast, host Shelby Milford focuses on breaking free from a lack mindset and generational patterns of scarcity. Shelby details how parents experiencing alienation can overcome feelings of lack and embrace abundance by changing their beliefs and looking forward rather than backward. The episode underscores the importance of challenging limiting beliefs, adopting productive morning routines, and surrounding oneself with positive influences. Shelby also emphasizes the necessity of taking active steps rather than just consuming information passively. Additionally, practical advice on how to implement this mindset shift, supported by personal anecdotes and examples, outlines a clear path for listeners to start creating a fulfilling, abundant life despite their challenging circumstances.00:00 Introduction and Announcements01:13 Upcoming Webinars and Feedback02:37 The Importance of Reviews and Ratings03:35 Living in a Lack Mindset05:26 Breaking the Cycle of Generational Trauma09:48 The Power of Self-Belief and Overcoming Obstacles14:37 Embracing Failures as Learning Opportunities22:46 The Value of Self-Worth in Professional Growth26:04 The Role of Money in Life28:05 Overcoming Fear of Rejection29:26 Self-Improvement and Honesty30:41 The Power of Words and Mindset32:02 Dean Graziosi's Inspiring Story35:03 Embracing Post-Traumatic Growth36:53 Creating a New Future44:00 Morning Routines and Success47:48 Final Thoughts and Upcoming Events--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support
In episode 87 of Beyond the High Road Podcast, host Shelby Milford discusses overcoming mental barriers and focusing on solutions rather than problems, inspired by a recent challenge she faced while shopping for her daughter's birthday card. Shelby emphasizes the importance of personal perspective in addressing adversity, particularly in the context of parental alienation. Through quotes from Dan Sullivan, she explores the concept that problems are often self-created in our minds and advocates for taking control of one's own mindset to better serve ourselves and our children.
00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview
00:55 Finding Inspiration and Overcoming Brain Fog
02:31 The Struggle of Choosing the Perfect Card
03:59 Realizations and Reflections in the Car
05:40 Dan Sullivan's Quotes and Their Relevance
06:44 The Concept of Self-Created Problems
08:47 Focusing on Solutions Instead of Problems
19:24 The Importance of Boundaries
23:20 Redefining Your Relationship with Your Child
27:54 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
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In episode 86 of the Beyond the High Road podcast, Shelby Milford delves into an unexplored yet ubiquitous topic: handling shitty days and the difficult choices they present, especially while living apart from your beloved children. She opens up about her own experiences, including the complexities of her relationship with her daughter and father, especially around her birthday. Shelby shares insights on how she navigated feelings of disappointment and frustration, highlighting the importance of acknowledging shitty situations without allowing them to dominate one's emotions. Through personal storytelling, she emphasizes the importance of : recognizing the power of choice Be conscious about how we perceive & respond to our circumstances acknowledging and owning our feelings, even in the face of adversity. Shelby encourages her audience to apply this perspective to their challenges, promoting a sense of empowerment and resilience. She emphasizes the value of giving equal airtime to positive possibilities and owning the power of personal choice to navigate through life's inevitable ups and downs.The episode concludes with a reminder for listeners to engage with the podcast community through Facebook live sessions, ratings, and reviews.00:00 Welcome to Beyond the High Road Podcast00:33 Navigating Shitty Days: A Personal Tale01:39 Birthday Blues and Family Dynamics04:33 Confronting Narcissistic Traits in Family06:59 The Fallout of Changed Birthday Plans08:48 Choosing How to Respond to Life's Challenges19:59 Empowerment Through Choice in Difficult Times26:50 Finding Growth in Adversity35:45 Closing Thoughts and Gratitude--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support
In episode 85 of the Beyond the High Road podcast, host Shelby Milford discusses the challenges of feeling scrutinized and misunderstood, a topic inspired by her personal experiences and conversations with fellow alienated moms. She reflects on her own journey, starting from a point of feeling misunderstood to focusing on personal resilience in the face of criticism. Shelby highlights two influential books: 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck' by Mark Manson, which helped her adopt a carefree approach to criticism, and 'The Courage to Be Disliked', which premises on Adlerian psychology, advocating for the detachment from others' opinions for personal happiness. The episode further delves into the importance of not allowing fear or the need for external validation to dictate one's actions, encouraging listeners to pursue their passions despite the potential for scrutiny or disapproval. Shelby's message is one of empowerment, urging her audience to embrace their unique identities, pursue their passions, and not to be silenced by fear or judgment. Finally, she addresses an incident where she was publicly criticized on social media, using it as a case point to illustrate how to deal with negative scrutiny without compromising one's self-worth. 00:00 Welcome to Episode 85: Navigating Scrutiny and Misunderstanding00:29 Exploring the Roots of Feeling Misunderstood02:54 The Journey of Self-Discovery Through Audible Books06:48 The Impact of Mark Manson's Work on Self-Empowerment09:18 Discovering 'The Courage to Be Disliked' and Adlerian Psychology17:02 Facing Scrutiny and the Power of Self-Expression26:56 Dealing with Criticism and Embracing Your True Self40:29 Concluding Thoughts: Embrace Your Voice and Overcome FearJoin the Private Facebook Group!Books: The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ckThe Courage To Be Disliked --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support
This is a recording from the Facebook Live on Friday when we had a little story time! I thought y'all would benefit from it too. I share a memory from a dark period of time for me (Mother's Day 2017), and then tie it together with this week's theme.
I hope you love it. ♥️
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In episode 84 of the Beyond the High Road podcast, host Shelby Milford discusses the challenges and emotions surrounding family-oriented holidays like Mother's Day and Father's Day, especially for target parents of alienation. Shelby shares personal anecdotes about the significance of these holidays and the memories associated with them, reflecting on how such times can be particularly difficult. She emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and validating these difficult emotions but encourages listeners to also focus on self-healing and empowerment. Shelby advises on auditing one's life for negative influences, whether it be people or social media, and suggests making intentional choices about whom and what we allow to influence our mindset and actions. She highlights the distinction between fighting against something versus fighting for something, advocating for a proactive and positive approach in life, including the path toward reconnection with our children. Shelby's message underlines the significance of self-care, adjusting one's mindset, and the power of influence in overcoming the challenges of parental alienation and enhancing one's overall well-being.
01:00 Welcome to Beyond the High Road: Navigating Emotional Seasons
01:22 Reflecting on Mother's Day and Seasonal Memories
03:52 Embracing the Emotional Journey of Motherhood
04:45 Navigating Parental Alienation: Insights and Support
05:58 The Power of Influence: Shaping Your Beliefs and Actions
06:32 Redefining Challenges: Fighting For vs. Fighting Against
08:44 The Impact of Social Media and External Influences
19:52 Auditing Your Life: Identifying and Managing Influences
26:52 The Impact of Social Media on Perception and Action
27:49 Embracing the Role Beyond Alienation
28:26 The Power of Self-Advocacy and Community Support
30:23 Choosing to Fight for Reconnection
31:56 The Long Game: Patience, Persistence, and Unconditional Love
33:22 Self-Care and Inner Work: The Foundation of Empowerment
34:53 Redefining Success: From Immediate Wins to Long-Term Goals
39:31 Influence and Environment: Curating Your Circle for Growth
42:01 Mother's Day Reflections: Beyond Traditional Expectations
44:08 Closing Thoughts and Encouragement
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The dreaded deed of forgiveness: the original ”F” word, to an alienated parent.
In this episode, Shelby shares insights on the pivotal role of forgiveness in healing from the pain parental alienation. She discusses the efficacy of family systems therapy over reunification therapy, drawing from advice received from a former attorney. The episode delves into the complexities of forgiveness, including Shelby's personal journey and struggles with forgiving those involved in alienating her from her child. She emphasizes that forgiveness is not about condoning others' actions but about freeing oneself from anger and resentment. Shelby talks about the importance of recognizing the humanity in those who have hurt us and understanding their actions to move towards forgiveness. She also touches upon the concept of resentment being closely linked to envy, rather than anger. The episode guides listeners on a path to healing, advocating for acknowledging and releasing resentment to reclaim one's life and break the cycle of intergenerational trauma.
The two articles referenced:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/5-types-of-people-who-can-ruin-your-life/202305/resistrefuse-dynamics-in-divorce-how-can-they
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/5-types-of-people-who-can-ruin-your-life/202308/treating-child-anxiety-in-cases-of-parental
Mending Fences Book
https://www.amazon.com/Mending-Fences-Collaborative-Cognitive-Behavioral-Reunification/dp/1950057186
00:00 Welcome to Beyond the High Road Podcast
00:14 A Message from a Trusted Attorney
01:47 Insights on Family Systems Therapy
03:25 The Power of Forgiveness in Healing
10:11 Understanding Resentment and Its Roots
13:20 The Journey Towards Forgiveness
23:50 Embracing Forgiveness for Freedom
35:59 Final Thoughts on Forgiveness and Moving Forward
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I remember the first time I heard about reunification therapy... I thought, "OMG, FINALLY! There is a reasonable action to counter to all the damage that has been done! " . I was thrilled by the notion that maybe, just maybe, my case would begin to turn around.
After a little research (and a lot of legwork), I was able to have a judge order the therapy for my daughter and me. I was sure that this would be the answer to my prayers. A few sessions, and we'd be right back to snugging on the couch watching movies before bedtime.
Or so I thought...
In this episode:
- debunking the common perception that reunification therapy is a scam
- varying success rates due to numerous factors outside the control of the targeted parent and/or the therapist.
- the importance of managing expectations,
- the inability to influence the actions of the alienating parent
- the critical role of self-awareness and empowerment in navigating the difficult journey of re-establishing connections with alienated children.
Don't forget tosign up for the live event on April 27th! https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/NeutralizeMyPain
00:00 Welcome to Beyond the High Road Podcast
00:11 Announcement: Upcoming Live Event
01:04 The Challenges of Target Parents in Alienation
05:56 A Deep Dive into Reunification Therapy
12:55 Empowerment Over Fear: Making Decisions as a Target Parent
24:11 Closing Remarks and Event Reminder
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Do you feel chained to the painful memories of your custody situation? Like youre obligated to tell and re-tell the same old stories about the same old incidents in order to make sense of WHY this has all happened?
Even if you made a deciosjojn to drop it and move on, do you find yourself feeling blocked or stuck as a result of the power your ex holds over your life?
I did. I was TERRIFIED of becoming a “has-been” parent. So, I held on to the torturous narrative in effort to excuse myself from being alienated, and oddly, because I felt that without the story, I wouldn’t have a purpose… that I would be letting go of the last hint of connection I had with my daughter. Somehow I thought the pain would keep her memory close… But I would ALWAYS end up feeling MORE alienated as a result.
It became an automatic response. I would cry or get angry on cue (I wasn’t doing it intentionally… consciously… it just became my norm…)
In this episode:
- Why we hold onto the pain
- Pain causing thoughts
- Connection causing thoughts
- What makes an active parent?
- Does the pain of alienation rob you of the ability to love?
- How to change the narrative
Register for the April 27th Event! https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/NeutralizeMyPain
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Do You Self-Erase?
I believe that the people and experiences we attract into our lives are a direct reflection of how we think & feel about ourselves on the inside… We can only connect with the same level of energy that we are putting out… you know?
Continuing on from last week, I truly believe that.. due to our individual histories, we already learned to be comfortable with denying ourselves the right to be loved.. that bc of our pasts, we learned the coping skill of hiding our true selves away. As such, it’s rare that we allow other people to actually experience who we are.
As alienated parents, we’ve been denying ourselves for so long, sometimes it feels impossible to get back in touch with who we are and what we want… Our identities were tied up in parenthood. So when our children aren’t home as often (or maybe not at all), we feel lost. We become self-erased…self-isolated …. and to top that off, the other parent is trying to erase us too.
In this episode, Ill share with you my thoughts on why we do this, as well as my own theories… Shelby “isms” .. and of course, what you can do to get back to yourself & overcome the habit to self-erase!
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Ever notice that, when caught in the clutches of a stressful moment, how you freak out and do exactly the opposite of:
- what you really want to do
- what is in your best interest, and/or
- what supports your goals and dreams?
Like, in the moment, you know what you want longterm, but you just can't seem to stop yourself from choosing the unhealthy option, even tho you know its ultimately going to harm you?
Or maybe you don't know what you want longterm... Maybe you're like me and were never able to visualize a future for yourself. Or after alienation, now you don't know how to plan for your life without your child being at the center of it all?
Well, settle in, my friends. Today we are going to take a pretty deep dive into WHY this happens, along with how you can overcome it.
My objective today is to open up and have a casual conversation about some not-so-casual issues.
In this episode:
- trauma alters memory
- how it affects your self image
- how trauma affects your ability to visualize your future
- how it affects your aspirations
- how trauma bonds might have crossed/confused your idea of love, healthy relationships
- neurons the fire together wire together
- how to overcome in 3 steps
⛔️ Heads Up: Albeit brief, I do visit some childhood abuse situations in this episode. If you think you're not ready to go there, maybe skip this one for now, and go back to an earlier episode. BUT...
⭐️ This is a good one y'all.. so make sure to come back to it!
https://www.youtube.com/user/lewishowes
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If you've been down the research rabbit hole of alienation's long-term effects on children, you're well aware of the toll it could take on their cognitive development.
Similarly (tho your brain may have been fully developed when your children were born), parents like us also experience a dulling of our critical thinking and deductive reasoning skills; which makes it more challenging for us to see the big picture right off the bat (also, many of us just didn't learn the skill as children).
I see it dozens of times each week... a parent will present a story utilizing the "facts" in order to illustrate that their lives are doomed. They will take the limited info they have and FILL IN THE BLANKS with interesting bits (drama), and then deem the whole story TRUTH.
You'd be amazed at how many parents I speak with that will do just about anything to convince me that their life is unfixable. They are committed to their story, in spite of the fact that it's causing them to suffer.
Whether they are referring to their child, the alienating parent, or even a significant other, it's highly unlikely that, unless they were told firsthand, they would know for sure what another person is thinking or feeling.
But we all do it.
If you've been listening for a little bit, you know that I talk with y'all a lot about making yourself aware of the thoughts you're allowing. Today, I share:
- A story from a couple weeks ago, when I believed my own lie
- my thoughts on limiting beliefs (thanks to the Bachelorette)
- Why it's important to play this current sucky hand thru
- How to change your "fate"
- Why its essential to choose the thoughts you allow into your mental temple 😉
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We spend our lives running, trying to circumnavigate situations that seem scary. It starts in school... we don't want to feel rejection. Hurt. We shudder at the idea of being made a fool or taken advantage of. Instead, we hide ourselves away, build up all these walls in effort to avoid emotional pain.
Then, when the alienation begins... seemingly overnight, we feel an influx of negative emotion. And because we didn't learn it in childhood, we feel entirely ill-equipped to handle the pressure.
I remember feeling so terrified of being judged and persecuted. And boy... to be devalued to/by my own sweet angel of a child? I can feel that horror now, just writing about it. I spent my free time numbing with habits in order to avoid the fear & discomfort thinking that the emotions themselves were the danger. But what actually harmed me -- & what is the most dangerous for all of us as alienated parents -- is what we do because of the fear -- the avoidance.
To quote the movie Poor Things: We must experience everything, not just the good. The degradation, the horror, sadness... This makes us whole, Bella; makes us people of substance; not flighty, untouched children. Then we can know the world. And when we know the world, the world is ours. How Can I Help You? Take the 3 question survey! Click here and scroll down👇🏼or below :https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/blog (⭐️Don't forget to scroll down on the page!)Leave a Voice Message! https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroadJoin the BTHR Private Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/HighRoadPrivate Website: https://www.beyondthehighroad.com TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@beyondthehighroadcoach
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We, as parents experiencing alienation, know isolation. We know lonely. Heck... it's right there in the two word term!
When alienation begins, it doesn't only affect your role in your child's life -- in fact, the predicament we've found ourselves in affects so many other relationships. Until recently, your children were intertwined with your entire life!
So it makes sense that you would want to isolate yourself. But there is so much data out there showing how critical emotional support is for our healing process.
As humans, we need to be and feel understood. We crave togetherness. But after a period of isolation, our brain produces a neuropeptide called tachykinin. This protein interacts with the body to cause our loneliness to perpetuate itself. What's worse? It also will make you believe you're not lonely. So in order to evolve through it, you must develop the skill of discernment. Listen to the episode for more!
How Can I Help You? Take the 3 question survey! Click here and scroll down👇🏼or below :
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It seemed IMPOSSIBLE not to be consumed by it all.. The injustices were everywhere I turned. I was being followed, harassed, bullied, slandered, intimidated, threatened, and of course, grossly criticized of my ability of mother my child.
The network of judges, custody evaluators, crooked "family" attorneys (not all of them were/are, but..); the strictly bureaucratic nature of the court officials & processes, making it nearly impossible to be and feel heard; but shifted around from one "specialist" to the next, while you foot the bill.
The issues that mattered (like my child's rights to be loved by both parents) were buried by the smokescreen antics concocted by the alienator. Lasting well over a decade (15 years and counting), it felt like a living HELL.
They made false accusations, pursued criminal legal actions, persistently badgered both the AG and the DA's office in effort to have me incarcerated; with the ultimate goal of removing from my daughter's life for good.
As a result of not having the tools I do today, suffered for years in clinical depression, somatic symptoms/illness, active & progressing addiction, poverty... I could go on..
To add insult to injury, I was ordered to pay child support... to a trust fund baby.
I mean, I was ATE UP. I felt like there was no other choice for me but to be miserable forever.
ANd then... I found this work. PHEW, did it save me. Listen to this episode to learn my take (on all of the above) today.
How Can I Help You? Take the 3 question survey! Click here and scroll down👇🏼or below :
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Part One: What We KNOW: When we've practiced believing the things we "know" for so long, we rarely question their validity. Even less often do we think to assess whether these "truths" work for us.. for who we are becoming. We go around thinking certain traits we've adopted are just "who we are"... but are they representing the you that you want to become? Part TWO: What we don't know: As alienated parents, we tend to steer clear of the unknown. Due to unresolved trauma and prolonged grief, our CNS says: We're all good on sticking our neck out. Let's not rock the boat. But there are some snags in that plan (I'll share them with you in the episode.)Part THREE: How IDK SYNDROME blocks you from creating the life you crave. Leave a Voice Message! https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroadJoin the BTHR Private Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/HighRoadPrivate Website: https://www.beyondthehighroad.com TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@beyondthehighroadcoach--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support
Guilt is an extremely common emotion during (any kind of ) grief. So if youre experiencing it, nothing has gone wrong in your healing.
AND... as alienated parents, I think we can all agree that we guilt ourselves probably far more often than necessary. Before doing this work, I had no idea why. In this episode:
- Why guilt is a go-to for us
- Why we feel comfortable w/ guilt, even if the blame is on us
- How blame tricks us (and our children) into a false sense of structure
- The massive distinction between the two emotions & how to determine which one is accurate
- What to do if you are in fact, guilty
- The importance of having your own back, regardless.
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So... I received some news last week... News that even just two short years ago would’ve had me in a tailspin. I would’ve been so worked up, stomach on a roller coaster while working full speed to put reference to & defend the outrageous claims he was making against me.
I think it's safe to say that, when youre cradling your darling, sweet smelling, softly cooing tiny infant in your arms, you never in a million years consider the possibility that one day, they will reject you. That one day, the parent who spent years finishing your sentences and orchestrating things like "dancing Thursdays" in the living room w/ PJs on, would ever act as the barrier between you & your child..
But, here we are.. Devoted parents who experience the ongoing and devastating effects of alienation.
Many of us feel devalued & discarded on a daily (hourly) basis. That's exactly what the person who is alienating your children from you would LOVE for you to feel. Because then, they don't have to consider you each time they look at the child you made together.
But through this work, Ive found that nobody can devalue me unless I allow it. Yeah, life is not how I planned it. And YES... I would give all of this self-betterment back in a HEARTBEAT if I could just have my child back. But that clearly isn't in the plan for life (at current). I trust that our children will come back when they are ready.
SO why not try plan B? Why not SOAR in the meantime?
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In this episode, we'll delve into the crucial distinction between giving up and acceptance for us, as parents experiencing alienation.
Only you can decide what's right for you (and there is no "right" answer, anyway), but thru a couple personal stories, along with my own experience, this content will provide you with the clarity you've been searching for!
- Why so many target parents find themselves burnt out and frustrated
- How to set productive parenting goals from a place of empowerment
- Surefire way to find peace, while not falling prey to your own expectations
- How to not lose momentum and stay true to your goals
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We can learn to "get by" after alienation happens; ducking behind a shield of indifference, while experiencing an ever-present undertone of victimhood... head on a swivel, while the subconscious brain scans the environment for any sign of danger (in the form of the alienating parent)...
Is it obvious that I speak from experience on this one? 😆
...or we can muster up the courage and make a conscious effort to take charge of our lives.
Are you tired of feeling victimized, powerless, useless, directionless... and all the other "less"es? Well, you're in luck...
I have got the mindset shift you need! Become the CEO of your custody situation, and notice how quickly you shift into feeling poised, in-charge, and purposeful!
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Should talk. Do you ever get tired of the pressure that comes with "should" & "shouldn't"?
"Life shouldn't be like this."
"My ex shouldn't be alienating my kid from me."
"People shouldn't be so rude."
"I should be further along than I am"
"I should look forward to my parenting time"
"I should look forward to my scheduled call with my kid"
"I shouldn’t feel nervous about or have mixed feelings about seeing my kids"
"My neighbor should be less annoying."
"I should be sending them more gifts"
"I should be doing more"
"I should be doing less"
Here's the thing: the word "should" is almost always an argument with reality. Using any version of the word is our way of placing a.) conditions on others or b.) pressure on ourselves to do or be different than we currently are.
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Are you an unintentional hater? Chances are, if you've gone thru the tragic situation of alienation, you probably also had your "fair" share of heartbreaking experiences before the custody battle even began.
It would make perfect sense if you picked up a few protective/coping mechanisms without even noticing. Here are just a couple of reasons why this might be happening:
- If you came from any degree of narcissistic abuse, you might've unconsciously learned to question the intentions of those with whom you interact. This is simply because relationships w/ a narc are transactional, by nature.
- 😲"Fun" Fact: during extended periods of isolation, the human brain secretes a neuropeptide called tachykinin (or TAC2) . This peptide activates the amygdala, causing heightened paranoia, anger, aggression, and fear. 👀
(Now ,👆🏼 are just the two I forgot to mention while recording. I provide many more in the episode 😉)
Here's the thing: we need isolation like we need gaping holes in our heads. If anyone deserves a cheering section & community, it's an alienated parent. Can I get a "Hell yeah!"? But!.... If we wanna to keep people around, we need to learn how to give and receive love again -- without allowing our coping mechanisms crash the party.
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Hope sounds like such a great thing. It sounds so affirmative, supportive, and well... HOPEFUL! Nearly every parent I've ever spoken with (hundreds of you) has used the word at least once during our conversations.
Here's the thing about it: It SUCKS. Stay with me here.
Think back to the last time you used it. How did it make you feel? ...On the inside, I mean. Did it make you feel motivated? In control? Did it cause you to feel certain of your ability? How about capable?
Ima guess that you weren't envisioning fluffy clouds, leprechauns, and cute little piggy snouts after you said it.
Ya. That's because the idea of hope causes us to feel hopeless. It takes our agency, and places it in the hands of tomorrow. It suggests that our lives should be placed on hold until then. Whatever emotion we are after by hoping, we must forgo until the Gods of alienation decide to reward us.
That sucks, y'all. I've got a better way to frame it. 😉
Get your free study guide with 9 thought provoking questions to make yourself aware of your beliefs around this mental construct. https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/hopesucks
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Your ability to succeed is directly related to your default beliefs. In other words, if deep down, you don't believe you can accomplish amazing things, you will never try. You will live a mediocre life. You'll dumb yourself down.
I know you are more than that. I believe that -- no matter the obstacles -- you can do and be anything you decide on. So long as you believe it.
It's 2024. A brand new year is ahead of us. What do you want to create? Who do you want to become?
In this episode:
- My theory on 2 main reasons that we as alienated parents have a hard time believing that we can create a beautiful life
- How to overcome those reasons and create the a life that is worthy of you
- A story from my past illustrating how strong the human mind is, and how powerful and influential the beliefs we carry can be on our ability to perform in our daily lives.
- 3 MASSIVE mistakes I made during critical times, that ended me up here
- How to decide who you want to be moving forward
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Being in relationships with people you love - or even like -- disappointment is bound to happen every now and then. It's just part of being human. After alienation happens, we often clutch tightly to those who stuck around; we tend to expect more from them (after all, they're aware of the hell we've been through). Oftentimes, we develop a ruleset for how they should (and shouldn't) behave..The thing is, many of us forget to let them in on the unspoken rules and expectations we have. In this episode, I share with you a few examples from my own life, including: two incidents when I felt let down by my mom (one of them directly related to the alienation) a very recent experience (over Christmas 2023) when I felt disappointed/taken advantage of by a friend how I handled all three events why disappointment is actually a you (or a me ) thing how to feel in charge of your mind & emotions when you feel let down by someone. how to set a boundary with someoneHey y’all! I had to record this episode twice, due to a lighting issue… I’ve published the other version in the private fb group! Join the BTHR Private Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/HighRoadPrivateWebsite: https://www.beyondthehighroad.com TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@beyondthehighroadcoach--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support
I should be further along by now. It's too late. I'm too old. I missed my window. It's not happening fast enough. After alienation happened, each of those phrases played on a daily rotation in the jukebox of my brain.
I never understood how people could get so much accomplished with such (seemingly) little effort. To me, it seemed like all I did was spin my tires in dirt... burning what little energy I had left... while others tra-la-lah-ed in circles around me (which only exacerbated the situation in my mind).
Fast forward to today... I must hear the questions 20-30 times a month: How do you do it? How did you find a way to make it through the misery?
And... the comments that follow often sound like: Well, you must be different. Your situation must've been less severe. You must've had help.
But no. None of the above. My results are due to the compound effect of my determination mindset. Day in, day out relentless desire to change the trajectory of my life. In each one of these episodes are my secrets HOW.
Holiday Support Group is Thursday @ 7:30pm! Send me an email to get the Zoom link
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What would change in your life if you weren’t afraid to have difficult conversations?
Getting along with someone in your life when they're not acting as they "should" is one of the most challenging issues we face around the holidays. Then, when we add alienation into the mix, the opportunities for conflict to arise seem to multiply. One of the main byproducts of conflict is negative emotion.
And.... when there’s a lot of negative emotion involved, it's difficult, seemingly impossible to not go into blame, frustration, defensiveness, & justification. But being "right" offers a false sense of power - it costs us intimacy.
In this episode, I share with you:
- 3 steps to take before you go into a difficult conversation
- 3 methods for having a successful talk.
- 7 phrases to diffuse any heated disagreement.
- What to do when you feel defensive (and why you feel defensive in the first place)
- Picking your battles/knowing your reasons why
Its time for the FREE Holiday Support Group! 🎄 If you're at all interested in attending, come let me know, so I can prep for you! https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/HolidaySupportGroupSignUp
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In last week's episode I made a mistake. I referred to one of my thought choices as an "old resentment", suggesting that it's somewhat out of my control that I still lug it around with me today. But that's not how it actually is. And Than GOD for that.
If we all had to reckon with the pain from our pasts by continuing to repeat the same old painful and wretched stories to ourselves, life would be absolute AGONY.
The truth is, you can decide how you want to think and feel about anything you want. It's your story to tell.
Its time for the FREE Holiday Support Group! 🎄 If you're at all interested in attending, come let me know, so I can prep for you! https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/HolidaySupportGroupSignUp
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Change is inevitable. Right now, as you read this, the world around you is evolving. YOU are evolving. We all know this from an intellectual standpoint; but emotionally, we fight it tooth & nail.
Change occurs when something makes it impossible for you to remain the same. Just as the caterpillar transforms into a butterfly, YOU, as an alienated parent, also go through your own metamorphosis...
....IF you allow for it. But if you fight it, you remain in your chrysalis - hardening and seizing up (which requires you to exert a lot of energy, and amounts to nothing in the end).
Instead, I'm offering that you let it all fall apart, as it wants to do. This is what is required in order for you to emerge from your outer shell (your ego) and become your newest version of you. ♥️
🎄its that time of year again for theHoliday Support Group! 🎄
If you're at all interested in attending, come let me know, so I can set the day of the week!
https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/HolidaySupportGroupSignUp
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I think one of my top pet peeves has to be when some person I dont know tells me:"smile! It can't be that bad!" You know what I'm talking about, right? I think the reason it annoys me so much is because that person is implying that a.) they know what's going on in my head and b.) that the absence of smile on my face is actually affecting them so much that they need me to fix myself according to their preferences. And that has never sat well with me. Similarly, when a holiday like Valentines day or Thanksgiving rolls around, there are times, especially following alienation, when I don't care to fix myself for others. You feel me? In today's episode, I share with you some ideas to help you find genuine gratitude during the times when you think you have zero fucks to give. 🎄its that time of year again!! The Holiday Support Group! 🎄 If you're at all interested in attending, come let me know, so I can prep for you! https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/HolidaySupportGroupSignUp
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As alienated parents, the emotions we experience are INTENSE. Over time, anger can be sewn into -- BAKED into -- the fabric of your being. It can begin to affect how you think, feel, and interact on default... down to your posture, facial expressions, and subconscious interpretations of your world around you.
I used to think that when I had an intense emotion, that I had no control over how I reacted. "If they wouldn't make me mad, then I wouldn't have behaved that way". Cause 👉🏼effect!
But I've since found that I was mistaken. Today I know that I can feel intense anger, and go get a pedicure. I learned how to hold space for the emotion, while also not burying it deep down in my soul.
Over the holidays, emotions run high. I timed this one to help you to manage all the frustration you might be dreading. 😉
Speaking of holidays, its that time of year again!! The Holiday Support Group! 🎄 If you're at all interested in attending, come let me know, so I can prep for you!
https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/HolidaySupportGroupSignUp
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I was thinking the other day about us (target parents), and about our children, for whom most of us would pledge both arms to have home again.
Then it occurred to me.. "but I wonder how many parents feelready to have them home?" ... "and I wonder how many of those parents have taken the steps necessary?" ... "or even know the steps to take?"
Because, let me tell you: 3-4 years ago, I sure as heck wouldn't have known what to do. I mean, it's one thing when it's written in a court document, or being thrown at you in condescending SMS msgs, but it's a whole different thing -- and so much more helpful -- when you hear it from another parent who's been down the very road you're on.
Plus, I know for me, the holidays have historically been a time to hide. This way, you have a framework to follow over the next few weeks, months, or however long you decide..
So, this episode contains 4 steps to a.) prep you for reconnecting with your kiddo and/or b.) move you from feeling like 💩 to feeling like 🤩.
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Those of us who've experienced alienation are all pretty well-versed in both pain & suffering. The combination of the two is AGONY. The good news is, only ONE of these is necessary.
IN this episode:
-
my thoughts on getting to "happy"
-
how we perpetuate our pain
-
dirty pain on top of clean pain
-
why it's so important to allow your base pain
-
4 ways to eliminate - or at least minimize - your suffering.
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This week makes ONE WHOLE YEAR for us! I say "us", because I really feel like you are part my team -- an integral part. This week's episode is dedicated to my top 10 favorite insights and most valuable lessons I've learned on this road to recovery. It's on the lengthier side, but as you'll hear, I had a lot going on for me personally this week. Enjoy.
✨ASK ME ANYTHING!!! THIS SAT OCT 28, 2023 10:30am EDT ⭐️⭐️⭐️ register for the event: https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/askmeanything
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Social Anxiety... it cripples many target parents of alienation. Throughout the year, I believe we kind of "manage" ourselves around it; however, once the holiday season rolls around, the influx of reminders can cause some of us to feel overwhelmed. The feelings show up in subtle ways at first, causing behaviors such as avoiding eye contact or limiting conversations, so as to protect us from vulnerability. Over time, these little behaviors manifest into a large emotional barrier between us and the rest of society.
Today I share with you a story highlighting the polarity between my pre-alienation ability to thrive in the spotlight amongst hundreds of people and post-alienation social anxiety, which still lingers today.
In this episode:
- The root cause of your social anxiety
- Fear of judgement/persecution
- How to reconcile your identity as a parent
- The problem with "good parent", "bad parent" labels
- External validation vs internal
- How to reconnect with loved ones after a period of time
- How to overcome fear of public speaking (what I'm working on at current!)
Free Resources:
5 Actions to Improve Your Mood (in Under 5 Minutes)!
✨ASK ME ANYTHING!!! THIS SAT OCT 7, 2023 11am EDT⭐️⭐️⭐️ register for the event: https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/askmeanything
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Decisions... they seem so damn difficult to make (after alienation happens). Especially when you're in an active state of worry about what might happen as a result of your choice. Your brain will keep you in a state of paralysis if you've been telling yourself things like:
- "last time I made a decision, it cost me....."
- "Any choice I make is going to backfire"
- "I should just wait and see what happens"
- "the 'right' option will present itself"
Thoughts like these will only keep you sitting in idle (or possibly going in reverse). Not only that, but the energy your body expends in avoiding... OOF (trust me, I speak from very recent experience).
What's more? The act of procrastinating/avoiding the impending decision in front of you will actually CAUSE that dreaded outcome to come to fruition.
In this episode:
- My own recent experience with dread
- Effects of allowing dread to dictate your actions
- One of my biggest regrets in life
- Regret: useful or not useful?
- How to make decisions you can stick by
- Also! The Cuban Back Bean, Chicken, Quinoa Recipe:
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I used to think that the activation of my stress response meant I was DOOMED. You hear about it on the news, on social media... Heck, even my therapist harped on me about the insidious effects prolonged stress can have on the brain and body - early onset cognitive decline, cancers High BP, premature aging, depression, blah blah.. 😵💫SHEESH. I mean, the stress ABOUT my stress often bugged me more than the actual stress. You know? It made me feel like no matter how much mind management I did, no matter how much effort I made to heal.. I would forever be at the mercy of the person (people) who was alienating my child from me. 🧚🏼Then.. one magical day, I happened to be sitting in on a lecture. I learned about the Stress is Enhancing Mindset. WHATTTTT...? Sign me up, I thought. And..? The rest is history. In this episode: Why it's imperative for you to adopt a productive mindset and behavior set around stress the everyday simple (and obvious) behaviors that you can adopt/incorporate into your routines Growth Mindset Stress in Enhancing Mindset How to use the mindsets to reverse the negative effects of stress due to parental alienation✨ASK ME ANYTHING!!! THIS SAT OCT 7, 2023 11am EDT⭐️⭐️⭐️ event will take place in the private FB group. Join by clicking below!👇🏼👇🏼 Join the BTHR Private Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/HighRoadPrivateGet Notified! https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/contactWebsite: https://www.beyondthehighroad.com TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@beyondthehighroadcoach
references: https://web.stanford.edu/group/memorylab/papers/Gagnon_YCN16.pdf
https://mbl.stanford.edu/sites/g/files/sbiybj26571/files/media/file/2021_goyer_akinola_grunberg_thriving_emotion.pdf
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Did you know that you were MADE for THIS CHALLENGE of alienation? Believe it or not, you already came equipped with everything you need to move through this (AND THEN SOME!!). Not everybody can boast this. And ya... you may chuckle -- even scoff -- at my glass-half-full perspective on the otherwise grim, depleting, and ugly predicament you've found yourself in...But I've found that this outlook causes me to be/feel the most productive, purposed, healthy, and at peace.Because when you're experiencing unjustified cutoff from your child, it's extremely easy to fall into the helpless trap. Trust me... I (my unconscious mind) set up camp in that very same trap for nearly a decade. Today, I'm going to share with you a mindset hack that I "invented" years ago, weeks after undergoing a major surgery. It was a few short sentences that I repeated to myself while on a run one day, after having (the first of many) massive abdominal cramp episodes. I began reciting this mantra out of desperation while feeling unable to unlock myself from the fetal position on the side of the road (Dramatic sounding, I know!😨). This mantra became my ritual during/through many challenging moments in the years to come. I just actually remembered it today while on a walk. Enjoy!--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support
Negative thought loops. Ohhh the time that we spend here. It’s a predicament that we, as parents experiencing alienation, seem to be especially prone to. The psychological environment almost seems to set up for it. Target parents can feel singled out — isolated, persecuted, unsafe. Our hyper vigilance causes our survival brain to run and RErun possible scenarios, scanning for danger. Unless you learn how to manage your mind by interrupting and disengaging this part of your brain, you can end up in a perpetual mental spin cycle. In this episode, I’ll share with you 3 types of negative thought loops that we engage in, along with a few stories of my own experiences. I’ll also offer you the methods I use to overcome each one. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️This SATURDAY @ 1pmEDT ASK ME ANYTHING ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️event will take place in the private FB group. Join by clicking below!👇🏼👇🏼 (alternatively, you can send in a question that I will respond to on Sat. email: beyondthehighroad@gmail.com). ➡️Join the BTHR Private Facebook Grouphttps://www.facebook.com/groups/703388451025470/Get Notified!https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/contactWebsite: https://www.beyondthehighroad.com TikTok:https://www.tiktok.com/@beyondthehighroadcoach--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/support
Are you doing enough? I hear this question all the time. My clients often wonder and worry over this… and it makes sense. If your days were once filled with carting your kiddo to and from school, soccer practice, recitals, Brownies, Boy Scouts, etc, and then all the sudden… you weren’t… Its completely understandable that youre feeling a sense of urgency.
Similarly, if you worry as a result of watching the situation stay the same — or get worse — it also makes sense that you’d wonder whether you’re doing enough. It’s not uncommon for parents like us unconsciously take the blame.
Regardless, one thing is true for most of us: we LOVE to outsource by checking Facebook groups, reddit, and good ole Google to find the answers… We want to hear what others say on the matter. But have you ever not9iced that not matter how many answers you get from outside of you, none of them ever seem to scratch the itch?
Well, in this episode, I’ll explain why that is, along with how to find YOUR ANSWER for yourself.
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“I must've done something really bad to deserve alienation”. “I’ll never get through this.” “My children will hate me forever.” “This is how my life is going to be from here on out.” “It’ll never work.”These are your Automatic Negative Thoughts… your brain’s go-to sentences it recites when you experience a moment of discomfort. They’re knee jerk mental reactions that cause us to interpret regular situations in unbalanced ways. These automatic negative thoughts trigger us to feel unpleasant emotions. Alienation or not, we all have them. BUT.. I do believe that the more negative experiences a person has had, the more these ANTs pop up. And... of course, the more you believe these thoughts, the more you reinforce them. In this episode, I share a few types of ANTs, as well as how to interrupt and replace each one.
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Do you appreciate you? Do you ever stop to delight in your funny little quirks, your gorgeous hair or calves, or your kind heart? I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you probably don't. If you do, it's not often enough.
It makes sense. If you have been called "unfit" or "unsafe" by the alienator (possibly your children too), the emotional part of your brain has likely been trying to solve for the accusations by becoming hyper-aware of all of your "defects". Since you feel like you've lost control of your custody situation -- your children's safety too -- oftentimes, the next place we turn to is ourselves. Some people overdrink. Others self-harm. No matter the behavior, we all seem to develop destructive self-talk.
In this episode, I give you 2 exercises (well, ONE, applied two different ways), to help you to retrain your thinking around this. So that you can begin to see all of your qualities as unique and truly AWEsome.
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Boundaries... As a target parent, I'm sure you have some thoughts around this concept. Most people have an immediate reaction when they hear the word. For years, I truly thought they were a way to politely control the person I was setting a boundary for. I thought I could use them as a tool to somehow entice my SO to straighten up and fly right. I read every boundary book I could find. In fact, I believe my first Audible books ever were the Boundaries (series) by Dr Henry Cloud. But because I wanted this "tool" to perform an impossible task, they never worked. Like EVER. Instead, I found myself doing a whole lotta scheming -- only leading to frustration, confusion, & exhaustion. Boundaries, when executed properly, are about being responsible for yourself... providing empowerment, actually making them an irreplaceable tool to promote & to build closer relationships (as opposed to keeping ppl out). OTOH, weak or no boundaries promote enmeshment and emotional childhood, which only create distance between you and the person you are in relationship with.
In this episode:
what a boundary is what a boundary isn't boundaries vs. manuals how to set a boundary from a place of love/security with other adults parental alienation and boundaries how to set a boundary with your children
⭐️Download the Boundaries Worksheet/PDF!! https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/boundaries ⭐️To watch the Bonus footage: Join the BTHR Private Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/highroadprivate
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TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@beyondthehighroadcoach Karen Woodall post (moms): https://karenwoodall.blog/2023/07/16/boundary-holding-in-the-face-of-rejection-of-mothers-by-their-children-alienation-caused-by-coercive-controlling-fathers/ Dads:
https://karenwoodall.blog/2023/07/23/boundary-holding-in-the-face-of-rejection-of-fathers-by-their-children-alienation-caused-by-enmeshing-mothers/
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Here in the US (among many other countries), back to school is gearing up; and as parents experiencing alienation, this time of year can serve as one gigantic reminder that we won't be seeing our children off to their first day in their new grade (or moving them into their new dorm room). No first day photos, no Meet the Teacher night...
"Challenging" can be an understatement.
But on top of that, many of us sit in judgement of ourselves about how far along we aren't. We think we should be thru it by now... and as a result of resisting, arguing, and avoiding where we are, we create a great deal of unnecessary suffering for ourselves.
Over the last week, I've read Facebook posts that proclaim: "I should be further along in my healing.".
Brand new clients will say: "I just need to close up these wounds so I can begin doing the work to better myself".
They'll casually comment: "God, life will be great when I stop feeling like this."
Desperation and urgency in their voices, they'll ask: "When will this suffering stop, so I can just start living my life again?"
It's human nature to resist discomfort. It actually goes against our hard wiring. The Motivational Triad: Seek pleasure, Avoid pain, Be efficient. Our system is set up for survival. To seek out all of the feel good things, and avoid all else like the plague -- literally. It thinks: pain = death. But it's wrong. This is an antiquated setup. We do not need to resist emotional pain -- In fact, what got us (the human race) here is actually killing us. In today's world, we need to MOVE TOWARD IT.
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Parental alienation is rooted in blame. They blame us. You go to family court, and what happens? BLAME. The custody evaluator? The GAL? Blame and blame. As a result, our children learn that blaming is an acceptable way to behave. And, in response, we blame them (the alienating parent).
The problem is, when we blame, we put a halt to all progress and growth. Alienation ends up being a game of Blame Hot Potato.
- "They did it!"
- "NO, YOU did it!"
All the while, months, sometimes years pass, and you're still in the same spot. 😞
Let's end this misery, shall we?
⭐️BONUS!!!⭐️ Have you been desperately wanting to get out of a rut? Like, you can see the result you want right in front of you -- you can almost taste it -- but you just can't seem to grab it? Well, my friend... I've got you. In this episode I drop in the secret to uncovering the pernicious thoughts that are keeping you at arm's reach.
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As the back-to-school shopping gears up, this might be a rather painful reminder that things aren't how you planned them to be. As an alienated parent, this might be a sensitive time for you. Maybe your firstborn is off to college.. Maybe your little one is entering a new school, and you're wondering who their teachers might be, what they'll wear on their first day, or if they received the money you sent them for school clothes.
I know... I get it. It's not how I planned motherhood to be, that is for sure.
But d'you know what makes things SOOOOO MUCH WORSE? That brain of yours. You know, the one that ruminates, self-deprecates, and beats you with the "shoulda" "coulda" talk.
In this episode I share with you my thoughts on neediness emotional childhood and emotional adulthood.
⭐️👉🏼ALSO!!! THIS SATURDAY AT 11:30EDT!!! 👈🏼⭐️♥️
FREE WEBINAR/ COACHING CALL!!
THE SKILL THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE
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The fawn response is most often learned as a result of
a.) growing up with a parent or caretaker..
b.) being in a relationship with an abusive partner...
... who was unable to regulate their emotions.
As such, you may have learned to pacify & prioritize their wants/needs over your own. It's a maladaptive behavior that many (if not most) of us as alienated parents have adopted.
In today's episode I share will you a few of the ways it might show up for you, based on my own experiences, as well as some experience, strength, and hope re: how to recondition your CNS to a new normal that serves you in all the ways you desire.
⭐️Bonus!!⭐️
👉🏼Grab the FREE PDF with daily challenges & actions you can take to recondition your stress response system.👈🏼
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As alienated parents, I think so many of us feel depleted. Like, the only thing you wanted was taken, and now you’re afraid to want — so you’ve effectively blocked yourself from knowing what your wants are.
And even ifs you did know what you wanted, you might be so focused on what's going wrong, that you dont see how anything could be right.
But here’s where I want to help you out: Focusing on how you’re tapped out will only cause you to create a reality that matches that.
What we focus on, we create more of. SO…
Ask and answer the question:
What do you want? You can’t say “I dont know.” It’s YOUR life. It’s YOU that you wake up with. Yet you dont pay attention to what your heart desires?
In this episode, I share with you
- 2 methods that will help you to find out what you want.
- Daily practices to help you live into your wants
- the difference between short term vs long term wants
- How to choose between them
- Dopamine’s role in pursuing your desires
- And more!
Links:
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Watch the video!
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When you're being alienated from your child, it can seem like your world -- which was once FILLED with endless opportunity -- is now depleted.
I GET IT. I felt that way too.
If you allow your emotional brain to run with its narratives, it's entirely possible to go from being a positive & pleasantly naive person to feeling jaded & beat to a pulp. You might even feel like it is a FACT that you are stuck -- that all signs of opportunity left on the very same day your sweet child did.
Well, today, along with a little neuroscience knowledge, I'll offer you a simple shift so that you can retrain your hypervigilant brain to imagine new possibilities and effectively seek out new opportunities.
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Make today the day you set yourself free from the alienator's choke hold on your life.
Over the holiday weekend, I was thinking back to the day that I set myself felt free -- from the negativity, the anger, the helplessness -- there was a clear turning point in my healing, where I left all of the dark days behind me.
I'll share with you a few stories, some of my favorite healing metaphors, and a motivating mindset that you are more than welcome to adopt as your own!
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You know what I'm talking about... when you get wind of another accusation, insult, or disparaging remark that the alienating parent is slinging your way? Yup. As alienated parents, I've always said that we should each be assigned our own (king-size) catcher's mitt, designed specifically for this reason.
Jokes aside, it makes sense that you feel the need to defend yourself (and your reputation), but the thing is, doing so is never worth it. Investing your time - and your energy - into playing defense will steal your light. It will block your creativity and ability to access your higher thinking.
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Recently, I've noticed an uptick in suffering in the online communities (specifically for alienated parents). People seem to be particularly unhappy. Whether due to Mom's and Dad's days or summertime & custody scheduling, the WHO debacle, or all of them combined, something seems to be "in the air".
SO many of the parents are just handing over their power (to the alienator) on a silver platter.
Today, I'll share with you THE secret to happiness. You'll never need to rely on the alienator or your child for your happiness AGAIN (which is a good thing, because... well, read the above).
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Worry. Anxiety. They can be all-consuming when we're dealing with alienation.
Anxiety is a physical state. There are different kinds, but all anxiety derives from one thing: fear of the unknown. We cope with anxiety by:
- worrying
- avoiding
Worry is an active mental state of fearing what is to come. The emotional brain thinks that the act of worrying is purposeful. We think that by doing it, we are protecting ourselves. But actually, it doesnt serve us at all.
In this episode I provide you with a few helpful tools to pull you out of worry and into a more productive mindset.
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Shame. I think every human walking the face of this earth (over the age of, say, 9) knows the feeling of shame. It’s like a warm shower of “UGH”. With alienation, shame can keep us absolutely debilitated.
We (as a society) have been conditioned to believe that “good” parents raise and house their children until they are at least 18. I think its a universal presumption that a parent who doesn’t have access to their children must have done something really awful unforgivable.
So, devoted and capable as we are, we hide our pain and suffering away. We make excuses, stuff it down, and contort our lives in the name of shame. In the name of saving face. And as a result, we end up suffering a great deal.
In this episode, I share with you a recent story of my own shame, my thoughts on shame as it relates to alienation, and how you can overcome it.
Adult Children of Alienation, Amy Baker
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During alienation, many parents (if not all of them) experience disenfranchised grief; wefeel isolated, judged, and unsupported during the most painful period of our lives.
It's been proven again and again that connection is an essential resource for those healing from trauma. HUMAN CONNECTION. Fellowship. Support. Family. Companionship. Friendship. However you want to say it, THIS is the single most effective ingredient to restoring our mental health. Having an environment to open up and share our feelings is the best therapy a person can have.
The thing is, when alienation happens, reaching out is the last thing most of us do. Due to the very nature of our predicament, we feel safe with very few people. It's not uncommon for us to either clam up or act out in anger/fear. This raises questions from our peers, and many times, we end up not receiving the support we so desperately need. Instead, we grieve alone.
In this episode I share with you what disenfranchised grief is, how it relates to parental alienation, other ways it might show up, and what you can do to manage your mind around it.
What To Say When They Ask About Your Kids Video: https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/pl/2147661286
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MONEY. Believe it or not, this is by far, the most highly requested topic I get from y’all, yet I know what a sore subject it is. As alienated parents, many of us have spent GOBS of it in the court system, on supervision, reunification therapy, psych evals… I know. But, I also know that the beliefs we develop as a result, can be limiting our potential in the future. And… since money happens to be the currency we use to live, it’s necessary to develop healthy thoughts and habits around it. So, in todays episode I share:
- a little about where my earliest money beliefs came from, in hopes to normalize the conversation.
- Why its imperative to become aware of where you sit financially
- The story youre telling yourself about your money situation
- How to move into new productive beliefs
- And some mindset tips for setting new money goals for yourself.
Y’all, it’s a good one! Enjoy. Also, in order to keep it under 40 min, I made some (a lot) of cuts. If you want to watch/listen to the rest of the material, just send me an email. I’ll drop you a link!
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As a parent experiencing the effects of alienation, you are likely no stranger to the feeling of defeat. You've been through a lot. After all the drama began you might've even felt like Defeat became your middle name. Today I provide you with a protocol so that you can coach yourself thru defeat and straight into productivity.
Mistakes are the goal. Instead of quitting when you fall; getting up, brushing yourself off, and using the data you've collected WILL get you the "W". So long as you persist.
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Happy Mom’s Day, my friend. And if it's not Mom's day anymore, you need a friendly reminder of how amazing you are, have a listen. Watch the video on Spotify!
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Studies have shown that when you experience a traumatic event, your likelihood and capacity to grow in one or more areas increases tremendously. Further, when you experience a series of traumatic events (ongoing abuse or trauma) like the excruciating pain associated with alienation, it would make sense that the potential for transformation (and the extent or degree thereof) would increase even more.
In this episode I share with you my thoughts on the stages you might be going thru (although pls keep in mind that there really is no official order to how you experience your grief).
I briefly discuss
Acute Stage of Grief - and what that may look like for you
Purgatory Stage - (of course, this is my name for it) and the kinds of things you might be thinking in this stage
The Boiling Point: This is a stage that not everyone comes to (and that is OK!) If you DO find yourself here, you might be wondering if there is more to life than the Ho-Hum of just existing… making it from one day to the next…
On-the-Fence stance… where you hear a little whisper inside you.. Asking “is there more to life than this?” HOPING there is.
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Experiencing alienation (or any kind of grief, for that matter), we often feel battered by a plethora of uncomfortable experiences/emotions. So... the brain's tendency is to go into survival mode and either find something to feeling instead, or resist the feeling altogether.
Here's the problem with that: When you use a behavior (Netflix, alcohol, scrolling, weed, whatever) to cope, you end up making your life tolerable. And because this behavior is buffering your discomfort, you stay stuck in the same place -- often for years. The same habits, the same job, the same living situation, relationships... all because you"just needed to take the edge off" or thought something similar to the "pain was too much for me to handle without (said behavior)". And.... you end up drowning out your truest, deepest desires, because the brain has learned to get its dopamine hit with the quick and easy pleasures.
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As alienated parents, we are inundated with so much negativity. As a result, we often end up with a negative outlook, without even realizing it. Today, I will help you to uncover some of the unhelpful ways of thinking that are masked behind seemingly kind words.
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Do you ever feel like you're living a MEH sort of existence? Like, after all of the drama and trauma, you're just BLAH about life? Maybe you tell yourself that you're just numb or jaded. Well, in this episode, I'll provide you with a couple of reasons why this could be happening, and then supply you with some solutions to help snap you out of the doldrums, and maybe even get you excited for new possibilities. YES, you may be an alienated parent; but NO, this does NOT mean that you need to feel stuck in mediocrity.
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New live events are being scheduled each week, starting very VERY SOON! Click here to get notified!
This... is one topic that I hear from clients a LOT. I see at least 4-5 posts per week on the social media platforms and forums. It's an option that many (if not most) of us have considered at one point while navigating the often dark and winding road of alienation. You might be:
- judging yourself for even considering the idea: "Am I a bad parent for wanting to move?"
- questioning the recommendations of experts: What are the long-term effects it could have on your child?
- wondering if, by moving, that you're essentially waving your white flag in the air: "Does this mean I'm giving up?"
- and if so, how might this reflect on your child's view of you in the long run?
- second guessing yourself: "am I just being selfish?" "what will it look like to a judge?" "...to my family?" "...my child??"
Well, dear friend, grab a cup of your favorite drink, and snug up in your favorite comfies.. I'll visit with you about all of this (AND MORE!) just now. 😌
I'll also share with you my thoughts and experience, as I made "the move" about 18 months ago.
New live events are being scheduled each week, starting very VERY SOON! Click here to get notified! https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/contact
Episode page: https://beyondthehighroad.com/blog/Episode28
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So... what should you do?
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The average human brain has between 60-80,000 thoughts in a 24 hour period. Roughly 80% of those thoughts are negative (this is not taking into consideration any past abuse or complex trauma like parental alienation). 95% of these thoughts are repetitive (which means that many of these "neggy" suckers turn into sneaky little beliefs that infect your life).
Since your perception of the world is created by the thoughts that you think on a daily basis, it makes sense that you KNOW the kinds of thoughts that you are thinking and believing. Right? SO... in this episode I share with you the importance of and how to improve the quality of your life significantly by giving yourthoughts a boost.
Watch the podcast video on Spotify
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Feeling stuck is something I think every human can relate to -- we experience financial stuckness, spiritual stuckness, we can be creatively blocked... stuck in a relationship, there are all different kinds. But after something as traumatic as alienation happens, we often struggle to move forward in nearly ALL areas of our lives. It makes sense tho; because when your role as a primary caregiver is suddenly NOT your role anymore, it can cause an identity crisis. The trauma can also cause you to freeze up -- like a deer in headlights -- so as to preserve your safety. And... what began as your body's response to stress, can end up being our lower brain's preferred (habitual) behavior. In this episode I share with you my method to gently guide yourself out of your stuckness, as a parent who's experiencing the effects of being alienated from your child(ren). So, whether you're experiencing something as simple as writer's block, or you're feeling stagnant in nearly every area of your life.. this shift will help you to treat the source -- promoting lasting change in the way you see your situation; therefore, creating an upgraded version of your life. Come join us in the monthly membership, where we take all of the concepts you learn about here, and we apply them to your specific situations. https://beyondthehighroad.comWatch the episode video on Spotify or www.YouTube.com/@beyondthehighroadcoachingEpisode Webpage: https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/blog/Episode26--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beyondthehighroad/message
When alienation entered my life, it seemed like I had one hard day after another. Days accrued, my mindset was that of having a hard life. The side effects of this were evident in the quality of the results I created for myself. In this episode, I offer you a more productive stance to take about your situation. I specialize in post traumatic growth; I believe that its entirely possible for you, as an alienated parent to, cultivate a future that is infinitely better than life before alienation. I believe that your capacity for growth is so much more than it once was... and you can do it while still holding space for your children to come back, when they are ready. ❤️
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Do you find yourself saying things like:
- "Why me?"
- "I'll never find happiness again. It's just not in my cards"
- "I was just destined to have a shitty life. Alienation proved this true."
I GET IT. I was there too. It was a foundational belief that affected my results on every level or many years. I felt like I had my own ecosystem of black clouds & buzzards flying over my head on the constant. I hated how I felt. I hated how it showed up in my life. So, with a ton of determination and perseverance, I made new thought habits that proved this belief wrong.
BUT.... Know what I found out this week? A fragment of this belief still lingers in my subconscious mind. In this episode, I share with you 1.) my life before I did the work 2.) the work I did 3.) how the thought showed up the other day, 4.) and my philosophy on what my circumstance of alienation provided for me.
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- We all do it. We've been conditioned to live much of our lives wishing our circumstances were different than they are. As little kids we wish we had someone else's toys, their lunches... as teens, we wished we had different teachers, hair, and even different parents. And...on into adulthood, much of the same.
- As a parent experiencing the effects of alienation, of COURSE you've been here. We wish life would go back to the way it was before -- you know, in the "normal days". You wish that the alienating parent (and/or your children) would come to their senses; that the family courts would finally get their shit together; that you could kiss your babe on the forehead at night; or even just that you could do simple/otherwise mundane "parent things", like making dinner, carpooling to weekday ______ practice, and back to school shopping, like "all the other parents out there".
- The thing is, when we spend our time wishing life would be different, we miss how it COULD be different. We miss out on opportunities to SEE it differently -- with fresh eyes and new ideas. Listen to this episode to get the 411 on how to begin the conversation with yourself, and how to move thru the "stuck-edness" of living in "if only" and start living in a world of your own possibility.
- Come join us for the monthly membership program, where we take all the concepts that you hear about here, and learn how to apply them to your unique situations. Reinvent your life! www.beyondthehighroad.com
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We all know the feeling. You know, the impending doom feeling you get when you hear your email ding..? How you duck into the booth at the restaurant to avoid the confrontation? Dodging them at community or school events, for fear of being chastised? Yep, the worst. In this episode, I share with you a few ways to help you break from from the overwhelm, and begin to start seeing their efforts for what they are. https://beyondthehighroad come join the membership program! https://beyondthehighroad.com--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/beyondthehighroad/message
As an alienated parent, you will likely always hold on to grief; however, your feelings of anger, helplessness, regret, & shame, can and should be ones that you have authority over. But.. its very possible that your lower brain is keeping you stuck, because it thinks you're safest in familiarity (even tho that familiar place happens to be smack dab in the middle of Suffering). In this episode, I share my thoughts on WHY (I think) you need to heal the 4 main reasons you might be holding on to pain & suffering on an unconscious level my rebuttals to each one of the above objections/excuses your mind is trying to give you HOW you can begin to rewire your brain to help you, rather than keep you in harm's way Come join the monthly membership! This is the last month to lock in at $97! March Course: How To Coach Yourself To Heal https://beyondthehighroad.comHttps://YouTube.com/@beyondthehighroadcoachingInstagram @beyondthehighroadcoaching--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/beyondthehighroad/message
If you're experiencing any degree of alienation, you know firsthand the effects it can have on your perceived role at home, the office, and in the community around you. I share with you: my thoughts on worthiness the struggle that many of us go thru when it comes to finding our purpose why we endlessly search, and how to finally find satisfaction and peace, knowing we are doing exactly what we are intended forIf you like what you hear, and you want to start seeing results in your own life, Come join BTHR's Healing & Reinvention Program! It's a monthly membership program for parents who are ready to heal. Visit: www.beyondthehighroad.comFor the show website, visit www.beyondthehighroad.com/podcast--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/beyondthehighroad/message
As an alienated parent, you’ve been thru HELL. When we experience repeated & ongoing abuse, our lower brain adopts the message that the world is a scary & bad place. But, the lower brain doesn’t understand that, by doing this, it’s only perpetuating your suffering. How to recognize when negativity is your unconscious undertone, and how to teach your mind to default to a more helpful way of thinking.
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In this episode:I was thinking today, what is one of my favorite ways to feel empowered and in charge, and this one immediately came to mind... I think one of the most underrated little mind hacks is the power you will find in using "I CHOOSE to..." language rather than "I HAVE to" or "NEED to". Today I share with you my thoughts on this, and challenge you to start noticing your "have to" language. Because as parents experiencing alienation, we have enough on our plates... feeling imprisoned/setting our own limitations is not helpful. visit https://beyondthehighroad.com for info on the monthly membership!--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/beyondthehighroad/message
Life is difficult enough when you’re experiencing alienation, but our minds often make it even harder by adding in the negative self-talk/criticism. In this episode:
- how to recognize the difference between the critic and inner wisdom
- the critic's intentions
- how to visualize the critic, lightening your mood
- how to respond to the critic so that you get things accomplished
https://beyondthehighroad.com for details about the new membership program! Lock in now at $97/month!
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Also! I forgot to mention the monthly drawing is still in effect.. Winner receives a free month of the new membership program that begins in Feb. Y'all.. so far, the odds are in your favor, bc I only have 3 names in the hat (but I can’t say the same for the Early Bird special on the grp coaching membership, so you may wanna catch it before it closes next week). 😉www.beyondthehighroad.com for more info--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/shelby-milford/message
This episode takes a look at: where (any) relationship exists how your thoughts always dictate how you feel and act how to think in a way that is in alignment with your ultimate desires and chosen purposesNew program Feb 1st! Check for the new website on (or after) Friday Jan 13... OHHH... I'm just now putting that together -- Freaky Friday!😆 Pls feel free to click voice message button wherever you're listening. Happy to find answers for questions you might have (there ARE no dumb ones). Also, follow me on Instagram @beyondthehighroadcoaching & DM me there too! --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/shelby-milford/message
In this 3 part series, I help parents experiencing the effects of alienation to envision (any kind of) addiction in a rather non-traditional way. The method I use to address indulgent habits like drinking, eating, and other unhelpful numbing agents, is hands down, the most effective set of tools I've learned throughout my years of research. Don't forget to click "follow" wherever you are listening to this episode. Also, Im doing a monthly drawing for those who submit a review of the show! Winner will receive a FREE MONTH of the new group coaching program (launching on Feb 1st 2023. Website will be up soon)!!For more tips and tools, you can follow me on instagram @beyondthehighroadcoaching--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/shelby-milford/message
Y'all have been on my heart and mind a LOT over the last 24, and I just wanted to let you know that you are LOVED. You are your child's PERFECT parent. Nothing - not NOTHING - can ever overpower that. Merry MERRY Christmas and Happy New Year to all my parents who have been experiencing the effects of being alienated from their babes. PLEASE message me if you need to chat over the weekend. If I don't hear from you, I'll "see" you next week in part 2 of Habits. ❤️--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/shelby-milford/message
This episode is filled with a handful of tips and tricks to help when inconvenient emotions arise. Also, I provide further explanation (an addendum, if you will) to my method and philosophy pertaining to processing feelings. Holiday support group will continue thru the end of December, and will revisit options in January. Follow me on instagram: @beyondthehighroadcoaching --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/shelby-milford/message
(how's that for some alliteration?😉)Today's episode is the first of two, discussing the habits and addictions we find ourselves utilizing in order to cope with life. As alienated parents, I think that the behaviors associated with addiction have their own unique set of motivating factors, as well as it's own set of potential consequences. I also begin the conversation with you about my non-traditional way of addressing your habit. So, whether youre drinking more alcohol than you'd like, smoking marijuana, overeating, or partaking in another habit, these episodes are going to be a MUST, if you want to kick the habit for good. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/shelby-milford/message
When you first had your child, your outlook on life probably changed drastically — your priorities shifted; your work schedule, social life, and habits likely did also. So, when a change suddenly occurs in your parenting time, it makes complete sense that it would affect how you view yourself in relation to the rest of the world. You might question your purpose in life now that you aren’t seeing your child as often (if at all). This, my friend, is a natural response. In this episode, I help you to turn the mental corner and hit the gas into finding yourself again. The first step is to understand that YOU didn’t choose alienation. So why would you choose for it to define who you are? YOU get to decide what defines you. Your narrative — how you view you — is your key to unlocking your freedom. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/shelby-milford/message
I’m assuming, that if the (U.S.) family court system was involved in any part of your custody situation, that you're familiar Children's Bill of Rights. And, if you are anything like me , you also have mixed feelings about even hearing those words (“children's bill of rights”) because, it likely didn't prove to be measurable/enforceable. So The term itself can serve as a source of frustration. As an alienated parent, it seemed a little bit (or a lot) like a slap in the face... as It is rarely followed. However, I have come up with our own. The Alienated Parent's Bill of Rights. Ill type the full list out and publish of the show website for you to have (this week). Follow me for more quick video tips at https://Instagram.com/beyondthehighroadcoaching Show site:https://beyondthehigheroad.podcastpage.io Or email me at beyondthehighroad@yahoo.com Also! If youre interested in the free holiday support group... msg me to let me know so I can get you signed up. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/shelby-milford/messageSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/shelby-milford/support
Today we’re discussing the helpful (and not-so helpful) perspectives we, as alienated parents, can take when memories of our children come up. I’ll share with you the pitfalls of either letting them control you or fearing/avoiding them altogether. Then I’ll provide you with the method I use, which allows me to preserve the memories — honoring them. Follow me for more quick video tips at https://Instagram.com/beyondthehighroadcoaching Show site:https://beyondthehighroad.com Or email me at beyondthehighroad@yahoo.com Also! If youre interested in the free holiday support group... msg me to let me know so I can get you signed up. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/shelby-milford/messageSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/shelby-milford/support
As an alienated parent, the holidays can be ROUGH, y'all. There was a 4 year period when I spent them all by myself. SOLO (well, besides my animals). I get it. Instead of living, I spent most of November - December under the covers of my bed. During my 6 year "regroup", I developed programs for trying times like these. The tips I share in this episode were pulled from my holiday survival guide that I gift my clients with each year. Tune in for a quick holiday mindset shift! Follow me for more quick video tips at https://Instagram.com/beyondthehighroadcoaching Show site:https://beyondthehighroad.com Or email me at beyondthehighroad@yahoo.com Also! If youre interested in the free holiday support group... msg me to let me know so I can get you signed up.
Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/shelby-milford/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/shelby-milford/support
If you're tired of feeling like being an alienated parent is what defines you... if you feel like you can't let go of the anger... If you're just frustrated because no matter how hard you try to change your situation, you keep ending up with the same results... then grab a cup of coffee and tune in. This one is about how to allow your feelings, so that you don't find them coming out sideways later on. Learning the simple process will help you to let go of the stuff that's keeping you stuck so that you can move forward with your life -- and start creating new things for yourself! Don't forget to click the FOLLOW button so you receive new episode notifications. Also, come follow me on Instagram @beyondthehighroadcoaching. Message me if youre interested in the Holiday Support Group!
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Are you feeling stuck in the gummy muck of negativity? If the world feels dark and toxic to you -- if you feel exhausted by your thoughts and like you've run out of hope and/or purpose, I've got a couple tricks up my sleeve for you. In this episode we discuss:
why you haven't been able to get out of the "stuck" state human suffering and how to view it your unique toolkit why healing is necessary so that you can to continue to protect your child the brain shifts you can make today to begin moving forward
You can visit me at https://beyondthehighroad.podcastpage.io Follow me in Instagram: @beyondthehighroadcoaching And please don't forget to subscribe to the show wherever you're listening! Love, Shelby
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As an alienated parent, you're no stranger to the whispers, side eyes, and glaring judgements. You might have shied away from doing social events, dating life, and even let go of some friendships, or even isolated yourself entirely. In this episode, I share with you:
- from a scientific standpoint, WHY the judgement can be so difficult
- HOW the human brain is wired to desire acceptance, and finally,
- the 3 SHIFTS you can make, so that you never even bat an eye at the haters again. The mindset hacks I share in this episode literally changed my life. I hope they do the same in yours!
You can find me at www.Instagram.com/beyondthehighroadcoaching and also at www.beyondthehighroad.com (I just wiped my old site, and haven’t yet uploaded all info onto the new host, but pls stay tuned. I’m working on it!).
Feel free to message me on IG, or email at beyondthehighroad@yahoo.com. Orrrr... you can send a voice message right here!
If you like what you hear, and you want to hear more, I would LOVE it if you rated the show (and even left a review)! Enjoy. Love, Shelby
Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/shelby-milford/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/shelby-milford/support
Going into the holiday season, emotions have a tendency to run high. If you’re an alienated parent, tho.. well.. raw emotions might’ve become 2nd nature for you .
In this episode, learn how to:
- take your power back
- manage your mind around your feelings,
- intentionally think and feel so that you can create the results you want
…so that you never feel like a victim to your emotions again!! www.Instagram.com/beyondthehighroadcoaching
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Ohhh, this one, y'all.... it's a roughy. When your child refers to you by first name -- or worse yet -- they're calling someone else the term of endearment you thought was only reserved for you? Absolutely maddening. This strategy is yet another way that the alienating parent can send the message that you are not relevant anymore (this is what they want you to believe, anyway). Don't take their bait. When you apply the work I've outlined in this episode, you will come to believe that you do not need anyone's approval or permission to be exactly who you are: your child's parent. This, my dear friend, is the irrefutable truth (make sure to stay till the end, when I bring this home😉). Don't forget to subscribe to the show!! You can also follow me @ www.instagram.com/beyondthehighroadcoaching for quick tips and a little fun.
Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/shelby-milford/message
Hi friend! Are you experiencing the effects of alienation? Do you feel stuck in one or more areas of your life as a result? Do you want to move forward with your life, but no matter what you do, you feel debilitated -- like a prisoner to the pain? Is being a target parent defining your life, even tho you've tried to rise above it?
In this episode, I'll provide a little bit of my story as an alienated mom, and share with you my vision for the show overall. I'm so excited to be starting this journey with you. I hope you'll find your new (podcast) home in this show! xoxo
You can visit me at beyondthehighroad.com (although, the site is about to get a full facelift, so you might wanna wait on that) For now, come follow me on Instagram: instagram.com/beyondthehighroadcoaching
Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/shelby-milford/message