Ryding Footloose: Recent Episodes
Melanie Magowan
I am Melanie, dual citizen of England and New Zealand. I have been documenting my life on my blog (melaniemagowan.com) since arriving here in 2012, including health challenges through knee replacement and the recent loss of my left leg. I hope you enjoy learning about life as it is for me, and perhaps gain a little inspiration along the way
Today marks 3 years since 8 elected to have my left leg amputated below the knee. I can remember that day very clearly, the grief was indescribable. [instagram handle referred to in this episode is @leausogeante]
Did you know, supplements are not regulated, their ingredients are not necessarily true and there could be far reaching consequences?!
This is an interesting debate and the issue has come up for me again recently where a stranger asked me the question right out of the blue. When I was repeating my experience to an acquaintance, their response shocked me. Hence a debate on the topic was opened up in my mind!
Today I explain the challenges of understanding and Expressing emotions from my point of view as an autistic adult.
Feel free to leave comments or questions here.
Despite dodging it for 2.5 years, I finally managed to contract Covid a week ago. I have no clue where or how, but I very quickly became aware that sharing my experiences of how it was and what my symptoms were was useful for many. This episode is dedicated to exactly that, what to expect, how to navigate isolation and what considerations to make if you have friends with Covid.
Ok now bear with me because I need to put some context behind that title statement. For an autistic person the effort required to appear ‘normal’ is intense. So add a bit of extra life stress and stuff starts to spill over.
When the mainstay relationship is no longer and you’re starting afresh, there’s a lot autistic people have to cope with that could easily send us into a spiral spin! Here’s a taster
What an unusual position I find myself in. I couldn’t in my wildest dreams have forecasted I would be 50 and single, even if you asked me just 18 months ago, I would have thought it was a mad crazy suggestion. But here I am. And it’s a tricky one.
It’s coming up to a year since I elected to have my leg amputated. So my achievements this week are made all the more poignant. The main one being.. racing the actual racing bike - for its very first time!
I have had issues brewing beneath the surface for a few months now, that I have not talked all that much about, but have been quietly quite concerned about. This is the biggest blow since losing the leg. It has made me re-evaluate my entire plan moving forward.
Life throws us curve balls all the time. It’s all about how you deal with them. I didn’t want to be right about this one.. but it could change everything for me and how I perceive my future.
Well it’s been an eventful week here in Southern NZ. A snap lock down with next to no warning, races cancelled and everything went virtual. Here’s how this amputee is spending her time!
Yep.. it seems to be a theme. I’d just like someone to take a look and tell me whether I should be worried or not. Anyhow, on an aside, a walking triumph or two this week despite all the dramas.
This week I collected a new foot, new limb cover and we started on a new bike leg. I also picked up a few new (amputation related) medical issues along the way. 😣😒
Being someone that is permanently disabled, my Covid risk category is the same as the elderly and I have thus been called up to get the first of 2 vaccines. Also, this weekend saw my second go at the winter Duathlon (1km walk, 10km bike, 1km walk) the last one being the 27th June. Here’s how I went this time - and it wasn’t without its challenges!
In this week’s update:
- Ways I am prioritising self care - because I need to be in a good headspace in order to deal with the rehab challenges that come with an amputation
- The real - technology limiting challenges all amputees face: it’s crunch time.
- Walking on the beach: the first time with no crutches and an artificial foot.
This was a question I was asked today. I was a little surprised to be honest, I don’t engineer my actions for the benefit of others, I don’t deliberately intend to be inspiring, I’m just doing all I can to make my best life. Here’s why, and how.
Matariki signals the Māori New Year and has connections with the lunar calendar. From next year it is being added as a New Zealand public holiday for the first time. This week I have been working hard on self belief, getting past mental barriers.. and of course.. still trying to balance (but I have adopted an entirely different approach this time!)
WATCH AS A VLOG: https://youtu.be/DMSA9HzK8Jw
This was mentioned by my therapist at a session this week. She introduced it to me as a possible treatment for the psychological trauma associated with my amputation. As you can imagine, I was curious to find out exactly what it was!
Lots has happened this last few weeks. We have been working hard to figure out the best way to make a bike leg (and try to make the bike work for the bike leg!) In addition to that I started getting phantom pain (😬🤯) and went to a formal dinner for the first time as an amputee!
Thank you Southland Triathlon and Multisport Club for the event (and this photo!) I had an absolute blast!
I wanted to try this as soon as the event came up on the local club page: but I had all sorts of apprehensions about it. Here’s how it went.
To be honest, the whole idea of this and what complications might occur absolutely terrified me - and I’m not even scared of flying - I love it! So here’s how my first flight with an artificial leg went.
A psychologist used these words to describe me yesterday, and I seriously couldn’t have disagreed more. So it got me thinking.
Earlier in the week I spoke about the fact that I was going to try out a new sport, to see if I can make it work as an amputee.. well here it is, revealed! ☺️
There’s no way of sugar coating this: an acquired disability is life changing. And even for the most mentally tough, it’s still a giant challenge to accept and work through. As you know I have had a lot of ups and downs trying to navigate this already. But here’s how I’m going about tackling this mountain.
I just can’t even begin to explain how very frustrating it is being helpless in the hand of other people who are the financial decisions makers directly influencing your every move. There are some tough bits, plus some triumphs in today’s Vlog.
It’s fair to say this week has been a challenging one. The battle to recover from a catastrophic injury like amputation is tough. And every bit if not more so, mentally than physically. I’m committed to showing a truthful journey. Including the not so nice parts.
We are moving on to socket #6, still trying to figure out how to best make a bike leg and I have another temporary wheelchair upgrade!
The Mental Health Podcast mentioned in this podcast can be found here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5JvKDOioMp74rSuGJEpgOv?si=TzT48r_hQKicatRfe_lo9w
The University of Otago public lecture series is a free offering from the Southland hospital campus of the university where various specialists offer free educational lectures to the public. In part 1/3 this is a recording of Clinical psychologist Henck van Bilsen talking about wisdom therapy.
A very big focus for me at the moment is to deal with the mental and emotional side of the trauma involved in losing a leg (and it actually being someone’s fault). I accidentally found this book, that so far, is possibly one of the best books I have read in a long time (and I have only just started it!)
When a journey is as massive as recovering from losing a limb, I can assure you it’s tough on the mind, you simply can’t stop thinking about the mountain ahead. So, on my ‘make a new life not rebuild the old one’ theme.. I’m celebrating small wins. And I would love to also hear yours?
When I was told I needed to re-invent myself completely differently I had no idea that I would find it so mentally and emotionally challenging. Sport WAS my life. So how do I change my expectations?
OMG it’s been a challenging day.. both mentally and physically. However, I now have a new tattoo to replace the one I lost when I had my leg chopped off.
Today I was determined. I was prepared, it was sunny and still, so what better a day to tackle ALL of Forest hill for the first time? [Available as a video blog here: https://youtu.be/msY6FmJ0nCk]
I was surprised and a little bowled over as to the level of feedback from my previous vlog: almost all of which was via DM, rather than a public post. Maybe this is a topic I need to talk more about: I wonder why it’s so taboo? Today I talk about sleep… or lack of!
APPS MENTIONED: Headspace: https://www.headspace.com/ Smiling mind: https://www.smilingmind.com.au/
Today Was the first time I properly spoke to anyone about an official return to work. I have come to look at the return to work differently and I now have some grave concerns.
There are a few unspokens about being a woman that we all have to deal with.. it’s pretty sh*t but it happens anyway. Here’s one of them.. the Menopause. I’m a bit tired of allowing the leg to dominate my life to today I refuse to talk about it and instead deal with a completely different taboo subject. Also available as a video blog here: https://youtu.be/TFHxL8pav4k
Today marks seven months since my left leg below the knee amputation and here are the important additions to my list of achievements this month. Plus, I talk about the ‘head game’ challenge of dealing with an acquired disability. WATCH THIS AS A VIDEO BLOG HERE https://youtu.be/T7aQiTTagdM
Let’s be honest here. This is the biggest milestone moment in my whole journey so far. I made it blatantly clear that I wanted to be able to ride my bike again somehow. Now this wasn’t the racing bike, but this wee mountain bike (with all its modifications) will play an absolutely vital role and today was a MASSIVE day. Yes I was absolutely terrified - but I DID IT! AVAILABLE AS A VIDEO RIGHT HERE https://youtu.be/7ToXNLF5Wjg #nocupcakesleftbehind #cupcakecartel
This is a comment I made when I was in the bike shop today – I was talking about having to really learn how to walk again. The guy behind the counter made a comment that I have been thinking about ever since.
This weekend I went back to a few old haunts of mine in a quest to prove to myself that I CAN do this and that I AM making progress. What happened next was quite frankly, astounding! AVAILABLE IN VIDEO FORMAT HERE https://youtu.be/q3UtrFFfiM4
Sometimes poetry says it better than trying to string sentences together. Today is one of those days.
Here’s my summary of the last few days events and how my week has closed out. I don’t always want to make my whole life all about the lost leg, it’s tough some times to keep perspective on everything else. AVAILABLE AS A VIDEO BLOG HERE: https://youtu.be/3aNCDUZGa6g Podcast mentioned (AIR NZ presentation) can be found here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/1Qzi5GFBisHDLy4saqxjfu?si=-rSi-nA3QzuwUg27yCGqlw&dl_branch=1
This morning I attended a breakfast meeting presented by the chairman of Air NZ: I was interested to hear her m take on how Air NZ navigated the initial impacts of the Covid pandemic on international aviation and what their plans are for the future of our national airline.
I have now been walking around on hydraulics for a week, have tested the bike leg out a few times and recently discovered I could do something that someone with two feet couldn’t do! AVAILABLE AS A VIDEO BLOG HERE https://youtu.be/Cj2HBDH41aM
It has now been 8 years since I landed on NZ shores, with just a suitcase, a bike, and big hopes for the future. Here are my stand out moments in the last 12 months, and the 7 years before that....
THIS PODCAST IS ALSO AVAILABLE AS A WRITTEN BLOG HERE: http://ryding2nz.com/2021/04/24/8-years-annual-musings/
The bike leg really is a process of trial and error experimentation. So here’s what we are trying and how the first ride on it went. (This podcast is available in video format here: https://youtu.be/_RLAGEaDWnA )
With this leg came a significant ankle upgrade. I was so excited to try this! I already had heaps of questions about it so I have included all of these in today’s episode. On top of all that excitement we have also started work on a cycling leg! AVAILABLE IN VIDEO FORMAT HERE: https://youtu.be/q2bB-4k8wU0
As you may (or may not) know, I’m a member of a global triathlon team called the cupcake cartel. Although the team encompasses everyone from elite to your average guy / gal.. the team chat is always done tongue in cheek with cupcakes involved somehow, either physically, metaphorically or symbolically!
The team decided to do a fund raiser for the flood victims in New South Wales. Here’s how it works. THIS PODCAST IS AVAILABLE IN VIDEO FORMAT HERE https://youtu.be/1KF7hMQvLTM Follow the cupcake cartel on Instagram here http://instagram.com/the.cupcake.cartel/
Today’s video covers Thursday through Sunday. I have decided to make them less frequently than daily (every 2-3 days)to ensure better quality content. In today’s Vlog I cover what we’re up to in physio at the moment, the new wheelchair and how I feel about it, plus.. I am still working on the 10 second left leg balance challenge my physio gave me. Can I do it yet? VIDEO version available here https://youtu.be/AGQSv9pNXO0
I had no idea there was sooooooo many wheelchair designs, types and models! It’s mind blowing! The difference simply between a public health system loan and a private loan is quite incredible! Here’s a basic intro to wheelchairs! Available as a video blog here https://youtu.be/6tF_nSOBzT8
It was always going to be a race against time: due to my unusually high activity levels so early on post amputation, the leg is shrinking way faster than usual making me an ‘unprecedented case!’ So, can we patch this temporary leg up long enough for the new ankle to come?
It’s been a hectic weekend, hence no video / podcast till now: sorry! I’ve been behind the scenes at my local super rugby team ground, popped into an ultramarathon and took part in a Duathlon! (Available in video format here https://youtu.be/ufP5H1-TNrQ)
It was six months today that I had my left leg amputated below the knee. Wow, it doesn’t seem like it was as long as 6 months ago! I am so proud of what I achieved in that time, but what a day for THIS to happen: the imbecile in the car park incident! 😤
Taking full advantage of the surroundings while I can, today I went for an open water swim ON MY OWN.. for the first time in my life! That’s bad enough on two feet never mind one! Afternoon walks finished my day.. in a way I simply never expected. This podcast is also available in video format here: https://youtu.be/7i6pbX38kjI
Despite the day starting in a rather crappy fashion I managed to turn it into something awesome. I also learned a valuable lesson about forming judgements about people before they talk to me. It’s interesting because it directly relates to my own self beliefs and where I am at in the whole amputee- grief journey. This podcast is also available in video format on http://www.YouTube.com/c/RydingFootloose
It’s the start of Easter weekend so I’m off up towards some lakes.. probably my last open water swim before winter sets in.. and the only other long weekend public holiday outside of Christmas/ New Year! Plus.. the camp site that forgot to complete my booking and the grump nosey parkers who almost got a piece of my mind! The video version of today’s podcast is available on http://www.YouTube.com/c/RydingFootloose
My bolt on body parts really need to brace themselves because I ain’t messing about! An unexpected surprise when I went on Zwift today and my Cupcake Cartel package finally arrived!
The one thing that has always been a driver for me through this whole journey is the determination of finding a way of being able to ride my time trial bike again. Now that I can ride a mountain bike with regular cranks, I had to find out... will it work with the cervelo?
This sounds crazy but it’s actually the only way to progress. And although everything scares me when I first try it on this prosthetic, it doesn’t stop me trying it anyway! This podcast is also available as a video blog on YouTube.com/c/RydingFootloose
This is a very common question that I get asked but the answer is not that straight forward.
Now that I have a socket that’s a bit lower at the back, of course I need to find out if I can get the pedals round with the crank back to normal.. then... if I can pedal a bike forwards and stop without falling off! Here’s my very first attempt!
Sometimes I write poetry, because word just don't tell the full story. So I paint you the pictures, then let you fill in the gaps.
What an amazing event! I’m so glad I entered this race, what a stunning location to swim in, even if it was a tad cold! Here’s my race report: how the swim went from a swimmers eyes!
Wow - what a day. Over 500km of driving... another (temporary) leg to get used to while we wait for parts... and then I have to wrap my head around negotiating the swim entry and exit and not freezing to death tomorrow!
While the world was heading into lock down I was heading into hospital.. on a long battle where we would fail in all surgical attempts so save my left leg. For a small business owner this is like the idea of pure hell. So there’s only one team of heroes I need to thank.. my staff team
I spoke about my first trip to the new psychologist yesterday. Today I was already using the ‘socks of doom’ to raise my own personal awareness about emotions driving actions. Here’s what I mean.
I think Joel the physio is thinking up 101 ways to challenge me on one leg! Plus.. first appointment with my new psychologist, and an interesting book to read!!
Sometimes (ok, maybe a lot of times!) I have lofty expectations of myself and the speed at which I can achieve them. However today I came to a realisation that perhaps I need to adjust my expectations. Man, I hate that!
Seemingly a taboo topic - talking about mental health. I think it’s important to address. It’s something that’s ignored far too readily by the health system post surgery, but an area that plays a key role in rehabilitation.
That’s a question I have never been asked before!! Ummmm.. the one I was born with?! But if I can’t have that, then we have lesson 1 on prosthetic feet to come! Plus... the cover has arrived! 😍
I don’t want you to think it’s all sweetness and light because it isn’t. Some days are crap ... some days are super crappy.. but we have to battle on focus on the positives. Today wasn’t too flash.
I constantly talk about positive mind set, but I had a chance encounter with a gentleman at the weekend that illustrated exactly what I mean, and I had no bearing at all on what he decided to talk to me about.
This podcast is also available as a written blog on http://www.ryding2nz.com
Learning how to walk, and learning how to just - conduct a ‘normal’ day when you have to use a prosthetic leg feels like a giant insurmountable goal. So, in the context of my goal to walk the estuary track - I show you how to stay focused on that grand life goal without getting overwhelmed by the size of the mountain. These principles can be applied to almost any life goal, no matter how big or small.
It’s been a wee while since I encountered attitude issues but today was a doozie. So much so I had to lodge a formal complaint and fill in an incident form. However.. do watch all the way to the end because I also have some amazing positives to share too.
To celebrate international women’s day I talk about my top 3 incur to all females that inspired me in sport: jane Tomlinson, Emma Davis and Kim Ingleby
This is a question I have been asked a lot since my post yesterday. I have been unable to talk about it in any detail because an investigation was ongoing. Now that has concluded, I can tell you the story.
Its been an interesting few weeks to say the least. A lot has happened, a lot continues to happen on this roller coaster that is adjusting to life as an amputee. The main areas I will cover in todays blog are progress the limb centre, the bike shop, work and fitness. This podcast is also available as a written blog on http://www.ryding2nz.com
As you know if you have been following my story, I have argued all along that the amputation could have been avoided, that I knew what was wrong right from the beginning but no one listened to me. Well I finally have a decision from the medical investigation into the treatment I received in the months before my left leg was amputated below the knee.
This Blog was originally written and published on 9 February 2021.
This episode is also available as a blog post: http://ryding2nz.com/2021/02/09/below-the-knee-amputation-the-first-4-months/
Sometimes we are so wrapped up in our own stresses that we forget to be thankful for the things that we DO have.
This episode is also available as a blog post: http://ryding2nz.com/2021/02/08/things-i-am-thankful-for/
Sometimes its not all rosy in the world of being an amputee. Today was not such a good day.
This episode is also available as a blog post: http://ryding2nz.com/2021/02/15/is-this-really-my-life/
Today was leg day number 3: the first time with a suction valve system and a completely different type of limb sleeve, not to mention a new physiotherapist to ask question to! Yes, I am a touch excited about this!
This episode is also available as a blog post
This episode is also available as a blog post: http://ryding2nz.com/2021/02/21/how-life-changes-in-an-instant-thoughts-and-reflections/
Welcome to my podcast! I am Melanie Ryding - business owner / amputee / Multisport para-athlete and GB ex pat living in New Zealand. This is an audio diary of my life, overinflated a wide range of topics including health and wellness, disability advocacy and being a business owner. Enjoy!