You & All Your Parts: Recent Episodes
Laura Lively
Curious about Internal Family Systems and how to consistently work with your Parts in a gentle, compassionate way that helps you feel calmer, happier, and more alive? Listen in as Laura Lively, Certified IFS Practioner, shares tips on building the crucial relationship between Self Energy and Parts.
In this episode, Laura defines and unpacks one of the Eight C's of Self, Curiosity within the context of Internal Family Systems.
In this episode, Laura defines and unpacks one of the Eight C's of Self, Clarity within the context of Internal Family Systems.
In this episode, Laura defines and unpacks one of the Eight C's of Self, Compassion, within the context of Internal Family Systems.
Introducing a new series where, over the next few weeks, Laura will explore each of the 8 C's in detail, uncovering their meanings and significance within the context of IFS. From Clarity and Calmness to Compassion and Curiosity, we'll delve into the essence of each C, offering insights and practical tips for integrating these qualities into our lives.
Join Laura as she explores the power of Appreciation, the third of her Triple A's of acknowledging, accepting, and appreciating your Parts. Tune in for insights on cultivating gratitude within yourself and fostering a deeper sense of connection with your inner world.
While acknowledging that Acceptance may be the hardest of Laura's Triple As, in this episode she shares the importance of accepting your Parts where they are. The behavior your Parts exhibit may not be okay, but they are okay, just as they are. Learn how embracing acceptance of our Parts cultivates profound self-love and self-compassion.
Discover the transformative power of acknowledging your inner Parts in this episode. Learn why validation and acceptance are essential for inner healing and integration. Tune in for practical tips on cultivating compassionate awareness and embracing the diversity within yourself.
Join Laura as she explores the art of internal people watching. She invites you to explore observing your own Parts just like you would strangers in a crowd. Learn how to recognize your Parts and uncover the motivations behind your thoughts and emotions. Join Laura for a playful journey of "Part Watching" as she encourages you to embrace curiosity over judgment to gain insight into your inner landscape.
Join Laura in this episode as she addresses a common struggle people new to Parts Work have. Discover the power of realizing you are not your Parts, but rather, they are facets of your being. Learn practical tips, like adopting the role of the Observer, to identify and understand the various Parts within you. Laura will share some fun and insightful examples of where you're guaranteed to encounter your Parts – whether in real-life people watching or through viewing social media and TV.
In this episode, Laura shares her experience of struggling with reduced productivity in content creation due to life challenges, leading to a critical moment when her Virtual Assistant noticed the absence of weekly content. Amidst inner turmoil and self-criticism, Laura got permission to share how her Parts felt about that with you. Tune in to hear what they had to say and how she worked with them in Self-Energy to calm their fears and concerns.
Join Laura in unraveling the mysteries of "Art Wounds," examining how internalized shame stifles creative expression. Discover the transformative power of Parts Work in healing artistic wounds, and let her know if you'd like her to share live arting sessions where you can witness her Parts in action. You'd get a glimpse into how Laura navigates internal dialogues with Self-Energy, offering insights into managing your own Parts.
Join Laura for a potent exercise aimed at navigating stress while supporting your Parts. Discover the surprising power of asking your Parts to stay home, providing relief and fostering calm during challenging moments. Embrace the lightheartedness of creating a "Stay Home" ritual, offering your Parts a playful retreat while you tackle stress head-on. Tune in for insights and a relatable dental visit anecdote!
Join Laura as she explores the blurred lines between cognitive dissonance and our Parts. Discover how understanding your Parts can shed light on moments when you do or don't do things that are good for you and how to approach those warring Parts of yourself.
Laura normalizes distrustful Parts and shares how patience, empathy, and consistent engagement can foster trust and healing within your inner system. Tune in to explore the process of building self-trust amidst skepticism, and embrace the transformative power of self-discovery.
Laura explores how your internal Parts might be communicating through song lyrics. Sharing personal anecdotes, Laura reveals how she initially dismissed these occurrences until a specific song lyric unexpectedly resonated with her internal state. You are encouraged to pay attention to song lyrics that come to mind, as they may hold valuable insights into their inner world and offer opportunities for deeper self-awareness and healing.
Join Laura as she introduces the concept of AFGO - Another F-ing Growth Opportunity, that she picked up from other students during her IFS training. Learn how to reframe triggers as opportunities for healing and personal growth, and discover the empowering shift in perspective that comes with embracing life's challenges.
Join Laura as she talks about judgment and how it impacts not only our external relationships but also our internal relationships amongst our Parts. P.S. You're not alone if you do live in Judgy McJudgeville.
Join Laura for a transformative tip on affirmations that involves a simple addition: "What if..." Inspired by a workshop with Mary Ayers, this technique challenges our tendency to spiral into negative "what if" questions. In today's episode, she invites you to incorporate "What if" into your affirmations and thought patterns, opening the door to potential shifts in your mindset.
Join Laura as she explores the world of affirmations, those powerful, positive phrases that can reshape our self-perceptions. Notable figures like Jennifer Lopez and Michelle Obama have championed affirmations, highlighting their potential. Delving into her own inner world, Laura reflects on a Part of herself that has historically resisted affirmations, and how she’s working with that Part.
Join Laura in revisiting her 2023 recommendation of "The Loving Parent Guidebook," a fusion of Internal Family Systems (IFS) and 12-Step wisdom, celebrated for its tips on nurturing dialogue within your inner family. This week she invites you to explore the topic of Feelings vs. Judgments. She will encourage you to scrutinize your own language, while she shares a fun anecdote about getting a valuable lesson from her IFS therapist regarding emotions vs. judgments months after reading the book.
Laura invites you to embrace your current feelings and reflect on Valentine's Days of the past, from childhood to the present, and society's perception of this Valentine's Day. Get ready to practice Laura's Triple A's – Acknowledge, Accept, and Appreciate – as you dive into the meditation exercise with pen and paper in hand, exploring your inner world and the significance of Valentine's Day in your life.
Join Laura on this episode as she explores the world of retail therapy and the surprising journey it took her on. From the rollercoaster ride of the second half of 2023 to the disappearance of her trusted coping mechanisms, she shares how she found solace in the unexpected joy of junk journaling. Plus, discover a simple tip to create your list of inner happiness moments and navigate life's curveballs with resilience. Tune in for a dose of inspiration and self-discovery.
Laura opens up about her personal journey through a season of loss, revealing three essential goals she set for herself: maintaining sobriety in both food and alcohol, and staying connected with her internal Parts. Candidly sharing her experience, Laura reflects on the unexpected role of "retail therapy" during this challenging time. Ultimately, she discovered that, in the grand scheme of things, this coping mechanism played a supportive role in maintaining sobriety. Join Laura as she navigates the complexities of grief and healing, and challenges you to figure out what behaviors are and are NOT acceptable so you can be better equipped before tragedy strikes.
Join Laura in this podcast episode, where she unveils the dynamic interplay between STERBS (Short-Term Energy [or Emotional]-Relieving Behaviors) and IFS (Internal Family Systems) Firefighters. Laura extends an invitation, free of shame or blame, encouraging listeners to understand the moments when Firefighters take charge and STERBS are employed in their lives. Gain insights into the intricate mechanisms that shape our responses to pain, fostering a deeper understanding of these protective strategies. Join the conversation as Laura guides you towards self-awareness and compassionate acknowledgment of your internal dynamics.
Tune in to this poignant podcast episode with Laura as she courageously addresses the often overlooked topic of grief. Delving into the Grief Recovery Method, Laura shares her personal journey navigating a season of loss, unraveling three key learnings that emerged from the process. Gain valuable insights into the profound impact of acknowledging and addressing grief, as Laura sheds light on this transformative and under-discussed aspect of the human experience.
Join Laura in this podcast episode as she unravels Jill Bolte Taylor's 90-second rule of emotion. Laura delves into the concept, exploring how our emotions chemically only last for just 90 seconds, and the power we hold in choosing how to respond to them. Discover valuable insights on emotional resilience and strategies to navigate the ebb and flow of emotions, making this episode a transformative guide to understanding and managing our emotional experiences.
Explore the profound importance of acceptance with Laura in this podcast episode, where she delves into the multifaceted nature of acceptance across various healing modalities. From Kristin Neff's Radical Acceptance work and Internal Family Systems, Laura explores acceptance and how it has impacted her life, and she hopes she encourages you to consider adding a little more acceptance into yours.
Listen in as Laura talks about how your Parts might feel about New Years. Are they excited or 'eh? Either way, she'll share some of her past New Year's self-reflection exercises and she tells you how to grab her 2023-2024 Parts Work Journal so you too can reflect on your Parts Work journey.
Join Laura as she guides you and your Parts through a quick but effective meditation so you can find out how your internal system feels about the holidays. As always, she knows your time is valuable. Enjoy this quick 10-minute meditation that you can use daily on this upcoming holiday week.
Laura pulls back the curtain on her life and her creative process as she shares with you how life has been very challenging and her top tips for staying connected to her own Internal Family System, i.e. her Parts during the last few difficult months.
Laura's has been quite open about her Road Rage Part. Listen in as she updates you on how she's been working with it since it hijacked her back in the summer. She shares what she's learned about why it gets so triggered, and also how she now works with it to avoid being hijacked. Listen in and see if you might be able to use the tools Laura shares to work with your own reactionary Parts.
Laura chose the phrase "Just Be" for her 2023 Word of the Year. She shares with you what came up in her system when she actually tried "Just Being", and what Parts came up when she talked to other Parts Nerds about it. She'll challenge you to notice how your system reacts, and then get curious about "Just Being."
Externalizing your Parts is a fabulous way to help you unblend from your Parts. Laura shares with you multiple ways you can externalize your Parts, and encourages you to keep trying different methods until you find one that really resonates to you.
Laura makes no bones about the fact that she loves Inner Critics. She knows they are loathed by other Parts in many peoples' systems, which is what makes her love them so much. And to that point, there is rarely JUST a Critic. There are other common Parts that show up with an Inner Critic. Listen in to see if you recognize any of the Parts Laura mentions.
Laura shares how shocked she was when she recently realized that her Part's opinions were not actually facts. The Parts were very convinced of what they said, but when Laura could unblend a bit, she could see their agenda. Listen to to see if you have Parts that present information like it is a fact.
A question came in to Laura, "How can a Part be older than me?" Listen in as Laura shares her thoughts on why Parts can appear older than we are and she event tiptoes into the arena of guides.
Have you heard of these two acronyms: W.A.I.T. & W.I.T.? Laura thinks they could be helpful to you in life and in your Parts Work journey.
A question Laura gets is "are their common Parts people have?" Laura shares a list of Parts Jay Earley has identified and gives her own take on those Parts. The truth: yes, there are common Parts people tend to have, but how they show up is unique to you and your lived experience.
Have you ever wondered where your Parts come from? Laura shares that IFS believes we're all born with our Parts and then talks through how some of them get burdened.
Being able to work with your Parts as things are happening in your life is where the rubber meets the road in Parts Work. Laura shares with you two examples, one hers, one Liz Gilbert's of working with your Parts in real-time when they become activated. Listen in!
We can't always do everything our Parts want us to do. This is particularly true when you have two Parts that want diametrically opposed things. Listen in as Laura walks through how she uses her Triple A's of Acknowledge, Accept, and Appreciate to help her listen to her Parts with compassion and then make a choice that is best for her overall system.
It wasn't that long ago that Laura learned this truth: you don't have to act on EVERY thought you have. Laura shares this truth but also talks about being hijacked by a Part, because that is a thing that happens. Listen in to learn more.
A common question Laura gets is "How many Parts do I have?" Listen in for Laura's spin and how even though she has identified over 150 of her own Parts, she doesn't see them every day.
Laura revisit's Gary Chapman's 1992 best-selling book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. She shares that it didn't really resonate with her back then. But now she understands its because her Parts have differing wants and desires and that includes different Love Languages.
Laura shares a guided meditation based on Joanne Twombley's work to help you create a safe haven for your Parts.
After people clapped back at Laura's use of the word 'blending' with a Part, she looked up the IFS definition in her Training Manual. She discusses how after several conversations with people on the topic, they can agree to disagree about what 'blending' means and if it's "good" or "bad."
Listen in as Laura discusses the magic of blending with your Parts and embracing their energy. Some folks mistakenly think that the whole point of Internal Family Systems (IFS) is to detach from your Parts and live solely in Self-Energy. But that isn’t true. Our Parts, in their unburdened form, have gifts to share with us. Blend with those gifts and enjoy more of your life.
Did you know that IFS has added a 9th C to the list of Self-Energy Qualities? Exciting, right? Tune in as Laura shares with you the two books that have now added that 9th C and when and how that 9th C evaded her recently in her own life.
Laura shares how she's been working to create scripts to help people who struggle with speaking to their Parts from a place of love and compassion. She shares how she's faked it until she's made it and wants to help you too! If you have a situation with your Parts that flummoxes you on how to be loving, write her. She'll be glad to help you script out a loving response.
Are you overwhelmed by complex emotion charges that splinter out into ever larger circles or are pages and pages long? So was Laura. Tune is as she shares a simplified version of an emotion chart she found in "The Loving Parent Guidebook" by ACA. She hopes it resonates with you and your system like it did with her and her Parts.
Are you a parent? A grandparent? An animal parent? Do you have Parts? Then you need to read this book! Laura shares why she recommends you purchase or borrow Dr. Becky. Kennedy's book, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be. Just add the book to your summer reading list!
Tune in and learn the value of walking through your daily agenda with your Parts first thing in the morning. They'll appreciate you including them and you'll experience less upset and anxiety in your day.
Building upon the work done last week, Laura walks you through a variety of scenarios where you might want to utilize your Safe Space Imagery so that your Parts feel cared for and safe. Tune in and commit to helping your Parts feel comfortable no matter what is happening in your outside world.
Do your Parts have a safe place to retreat to? Join Laura as she guides you through an exercise from Joanne Twombley that focuses on creating a safe space for your Parts that you can use whenever your Parts need a little comfort.
Laura shares one of her all-time favorite quotes and then shows you how she used it in real life during a recent road trip when one of her younger Parts wanted to put Laura into a sugar coma. You won't want to miss this episode!
Are you looking for a book to help you learn to talk to yourself in a more loving manner? Look no further than The Loving Parent Guidebook put out by Adult Children of Alcoholics. Laura walks you through how the ACA views Parts compared to Internal Family Systems.
Laura returns to one of her favorite topics: Inner Critics. Listen in to see if you too have a Critic you might not be aware of.
Have you ever tried the mirror exercise by Louise Hay? It's a powerful tool for practicing self-love and building a positive self-image. In this episode, we dive deep into this exercise and explore its benefits and what Parts crop up when you do the exercise. Grab a pen and paper and get ready to meet some of your Parts!
One of Laura's clients told her that they couldn't talk to their Parts the way she does - all lovey-dovey and stuff. Honestly, it kind of ticked off one of her Parts. It felt like they were being judged for being too affectionate or something. Luckily, another Part reminded her she didn’t start out all lovey-dovey back in the day. Listen in to what Laura shared with her client about their concerns that they didn’t know how to talk to their Parts.
Are you a fan of playing games? Or does it bring up some bad memories from your past? Well, in this episode, Laura shares her experience of rediscovering games as a way to add joy and connection to their life, especially after giving up sugar and alcohol. But playing games isn't always sunshine and rainbows - it can also bring up some complicated feelings that need to be worked through. Tune in to this episode as we dive into the world of games and explore how they can help us better understand ourselves.
Trying to change your relationship with substances or relationships that you've been relying on for happiness? Instead of turning to things like food, alcohol, gambling, or a partner to feel good, start looking for small moments of joy in your day. Let your Parts help you find those moments. Take them on what can be a lifelong journey of celebrating the small moments of happiness that are available to all of us as you change these habits to build a better life.
Wouldn't it be a wonderful world if all our Parts got along? Uh. That isn't Laura's lived experience. There is always someone with a different point of view in Laura's system. Listen in and see if her experience resonates with you.
Laura loves her Inner Critics. She believes that building a relationship with your Inner Critics will change your life. Not all critics come out kicking and screaming. Sometimes they're subtle. Listen in as Laura shares one of hers that took her a couple of weeks to even realize she was overly blended with.
Are you ready to trade in your black and white thinking for something more expansive? Listen is as Laura talks through one of the favorite tools she learned in coaching school, Both/And Thinking.
Have you ever stopped to consider where your beliefs came from? A friend of Laura's recently made her stop in her tracks and ask an even bigger question: are they serving you? Listen in as she talks through where a deeper reflection led her and maybe you'll find yourself curious about your own beliefs.
Do you have a Worrier Part? Laura shares research about how we worry, and how she has found it helpful to update her Worrier Parts.
Laura shares how her understanding of Carol Dweck's work on Growth vs. Fixed Mindsets has changed over the years. Listen in, you might be surprised at Laura's take.
This week in Letters to Laura, someone asks her to talk about "Positive" Parts and then asks why some of our Parts seems to have access to more Self-Energy than other Parts. Laura dives into a bit of deep theory about our Parts and their own access to Self-Energy.
Tune in as Laura talks you through tips on why concrete timeframes, numbers, and following up with your Parts, particularly if you're having to do challenging things, can be very reassuring to your Parts. She'll provide scripts you can use with your own Parts.
Do your Parts have trouble sitting in silence? Do Parts of you want to take up a mediation practice but other Parts balk or resist it? Tune in as Laura talks through some practical tips that might help you if you have a system that resists sitting quietly.
Activation Warning: This week, in Letters to Laura, a subscriber asks how you manage two Parts in your system after Spiritual Abuse has occurred when the subscriber still has Spiritual Parts in her system. Skip this if it feels too triggering, but Laura talks about the delicacy needed to meet the needs and hopefully heal some of the Parts in polarized systems after Spiritual Abuse.
As a follow on to last week's topic, let's consider this: have you ever been talking to someone and you just KNOW they're not paying attention to you? How does that make you feel? Laura talks about why attunement with your Parts is so important as she shares one of her favorite quotes from a client regarding our Parts. Tune in!
If your Parts show up as thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, and memories, when do you need to engage with them? When is the best time to connect with your Parts vs. letting sleeping Parts lie? Laura talks through this very issue. Tune in for her answer and other practical tips for working with your Parts.
Ever feel "blah" after a big event in your life? Is it hard to keep your commitments to yourself, such as following your food plan even though you were "perfect" during a holiday gathering? Welcome to the Post Event Blues! Listen as Laura talks about how you can guard against it and why it's essential to talk to your Parts to help you for the next big event.
Whatcha gonna do when the best-laid plans go awry? Because guess what? They will. Life happens as much as we might not want it to, and will hit the fan. Laura walks through how she works with her Parts when things go wrong. Listen in and drop her a line to let us know what resonates with you and your Parts.
Do you have an Emotional Reset list? Listen in as Laura shares why having a list of things that change your mood is critical if you're on the road to recovery from any behavior you're trying to change.
Laura walks you through a specific example of how your Parts became less reactive to a situation and how it taught her to look for things that no longer happen and to be grateful to those Parts that are no longer as reactive as they used to be.
One of the first things you learn when beginning the journey to know more about your Parts is the value of speaking for them instead of from them. Listen in as Laura gives you a deeper dive into this topic, sharing some wisdom she picked up from a recent workshop she attended. Drop her a note if this content resonates with your system.
Tune in as Laura walks you through an example of how to work with a Part that shows up as a feeling in your body.
When Laura hears words like 'never,' 'always,' and 'forever' in her head or spoken aloud, she knows she's more blended than she'd like to be with a Part. Tune in as she shares tips on working with these Parts, so they don't feel overwhelmed. Drop a note and let her know if you find this content helpful.
Tune in as Laura shares her favorite Time Travel exercise to help her system out when she has a Firefighter who wants to put out the flames of pain. As your system trusts you in Self-Energy, you will have more and more opportunities to show your Firefighters that you can lead the system.
Laura shares her two favorite conversation gambits for Parts: 'Tell me more' and 'Why is that?' She talks about how important it is to ensure you're not blended with a Judger or Inner Critic when talking with your Parts. Tune in and drop Laura a line if you have any questions.
A listener asked, "Do we have sub-systems in our Parts?" Youbetcha! Listen as Laura shares how her own Alcohol Sub-system worked until she healed it. She'll share how we don't always know what is going on in our systems until we ask the Parts. You won't want to miss this episode.
Once you begin unburdening your Parts, we find out what they want to invite back into their life. What do your healed Parts want? Tune in as Laura shares some of the most common things healed Parts invite back into their lives. She invites you to consider how you can give your Parts what they need.
Can you negotiate a better strategy for your entire system with your Parts that like to binge-watch TV? Or spend hours on a coloring app or word game on your phone? Tune in as Laura shares how she and her clients have created workable ways to negotiate with Parts that generally just want you to relax and have a good time.
Parts all have their own agenda. They (mostly) want to keep us safe and are convinced only they know how to do that. Self and Self-Energy don't have an agenda except to heal their Parts. Confused? Let Laura tell you how she can tell if Self Energy or a Part is leading in her or her clients' systems.
The first time Laura heard that she should be nice to her Inner Critics, her eyebrow raised in a perfect imitation of Mr. Spock from Star Trek. Be nice??? To the Critics?? Tune in as she explains how she became a believer. Hopefully, you'll be a convert, too, after this episode!
Tune in as Laura shares how she uses her Distractor Parts to help her out of a bind; after all, all Parts are welcome, right? How can you use your Distractor Parts to help you?
How do you use Awareness to enhance your Parts Work journey? Laura offers tips to build awareness about your inner state into your day.
Laura believes Parts want three things: to be acknowledged, accepted, and appreciated. Listen in as she explains why this might be easier said than done, and why it's so important.
Welcome to the final lesson in Laura's Consistent Minute Method for staying in touch with your Parts. If you missed one, check out the previous weeks’ episodes.
Ready for the third lesson of Laura's Consistent Minute Method for staying in touch with your Parts?
Welcome to the second lesson of Laura's Consistent Minute Method for staying in touch with your Parts.
Laura introduces her Consistent Minute Method for staying in touch with your Parts. Tune in as she explains Lesson 1.
Once I get to "Self," do I stay there forever? Are Parts Bad and Self Good? Listen in as Laura describes how Self Energy is a continuum and it is not the end all. Our Parts have gifts to give us once they've been healed.
Join Laura Lively as she talks about what Parts mean to her, and she dives into one of her favorite types of Parts: Inner Critics
Check out what you can expect from You & All Your Parts: actionable, fun nuggets of information to help you build a relationship between your Parts and Self Energy.
Follow along in this guided meditation as Laura leads you through the opportunity to get to know some of your polarized Parts. Have pen and paper available to journal the insights that are sure to arise.