The Pursuit of You: Recent Episodes
Joscelyn Kate
Welcome to the Pursuit of You! Created to help you pursue ultimate happiness by (1) discovering and validating your feelings, (2) communicating them in healthy ways, and (3) building a network of people who will love and validate you in all the ways you deserve.
Hey friend! Welcome to another episode of the Pursuit of You podcast where we dive deep into what it means to truly be in the pursuit of yourself. This week, we're unpacking the often misunderstood world of therapy and how it's more about building a trusting relationship than just getting advice.
Have you ever wondered if therapy is really worth it? Or why talk to a stranger when you can just vent to friends? I want to get into how therapy opened a whole new world for me—one where I could explore my feelings, learn healthy communication, and create a supportive network around me.
Join me as I share personal stories and insights on how a good therapist doesn't just tell you what to do. Instead, they help you discover your inner voice and guide you gently back to your path. Therapy helps you recognize and unravel those toxic coping mechanisms and learn to trust yourself again, even when it's hard.
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Hey there! Have you ever felt like you're just too much or not enough? In today's episode we get into how we see ourselves and who shapes those perceptions. I'll get into how meeting my husband changed my entire perspective on self-worth and love. I share my struggles with low self-esteem and feeling like a "bull in a china shop," and realizing that it wasn't my fault. It was the lenses through which others viewed me. Through my husband, I was able to find healing and a new way to look at myself.
Join me as I explore the complexities of guilt, shame, and hyper-independence, changing your perspective, and building fulfilling relationships after abuse. If you resonate with these feelings, connect with me on Threads!
Here's a link to the article I mention in the episode, Abuse is like Being Handed a Weapon You Can't Put Down
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Hey friend! Welcome back. Today, we're diving into a topic close to home for many of us—validation, and how our search for it can sometimes become toxic.
I've gone through some big changes lately, going back to college after a decade away and it’s been a ride juggling schedules and rediscovering a classroom environment. The shift brought about some new perspectives on how I seek validation, and I wanted to share my thoughts with you.
In this episode, we talk about what happens when validation-seeking becomes unhealthy. It’s about understanding that while we need others to affirm our reality, the lion's share of emotional regulation rests within us. And I share some of my personal journey overcoming anxiety, which was a big driver of my own toxic validation seeking behavior.
I also talk about the importance of setting boundaries, not as a means to control others, but as a way to guide our own actions and maintain our emotional well-being. What I learned in therapy was that boundaries are like a velvet rope—not a fence—showing us the paths we choose not to take.
Join me as we explore healthy validation and build relationships that thrive through mutual understanding and support.
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In this episode, we're diving into a topic that blew up on threads recently. I shared a personal experience about my journey with couples counseling, and it sparked some amazing discussions. Join me as we explore the importance of empathy in relationships, how to communicate effectively, and why being open to new perspectives can transform your connections.
We'll unravel my initial mis-assessments about empathy and how a therapist helped my husband and I navigate this. Plus, I'll respond to some insightful comments and questions from the thread, like identifying toxic validation-seeking behaviors and understanding defensiveness in relationships.
If you're curious about how to build stronger emotional connections and navigate relationship challenges, this episode is for you! Don't forget to check out my pinned thread on threads and share your thoughts.
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Hey there! 🌟 Are you ready to dive deep into the emotional dynamics that shape our relationships? In this episode, I'll be wrapping up our discussion on my book, Unraveling the Human Experience.
We'll explore the concept of the emotional hierarchy, a powerful framework that influences how we connect with others, especially within parent-child dynamics. I'll share insights on the fluctuation of empathy and shed some light on how we can build healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
If you've ever felt the weight of self-sacrifice or struggled with toxic relationship patterns, this episode is for you. Let's uncover the hidden layers of our emotional connections and nurture our empathy back to health in balanced and meaningful ways. ❤️
Don't forget to join our community and stay updated with the latest episodes and exclusive content by signing up for the newsletter at themiddaylatte.com. And if you have questions or thoughts on empathy, drop me a comment on Threads at @JocelynKate. Can't wait to hear from you!
Thanks for tuning in, and let's continue this journey towards ultimate happiness through emotional connection. 🎧
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Hey there, welcome back to the Pursuit of You podcast with Joscelyn Kate! Today, we're diving into another concept from my book, Unraveling the Human Experience, called the "hot potato game."
Have you ever felt disoriented or confused by someone else's behavior? Or maybe you've been in a situation where your feelings were dismissed or invalidated? This episode is all about understanding those dynamics and recognizing when someone is playing the "hot potato game" to avoid emotional connection.
I'll share a real-life scenario that perfectly illustrates this tactic and break down how it impacts our interactions. Plus, we'll explore why some people use this game and how to navigate relationships where it comes into play.
Join me for an insightful chat that will help you better understand and manage your emotional connections. Can't wait to hear your thoughts!
Find me on Threads or Instagram at Joscelyn Kate, or sign up for my newsletter at themiddaylatte.com. Feel free to email me at hello@themiddaylatte.com.
Thanks for joining me!
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In this episode, we delve into another concept from my book, "Unraveling the Human Experience" — the Dancing Hunter. Building on the hunter and the deer analogy from episode 22, we will explores how the fluctuation of empathy helps us recognize abuse dynamics and the instinctual recognition between sentient beings.
Discover how the Dancing Hunter, a metaphor for covert narcissism, disrupts this instinctual connection and the profound impact it has on our nervous system. We look at the importance of understanding these dynamics to set healthy boundaries and protect our emotional well-being. We also talk about the impacts of villainizing individuals displaying harmful behaviors and redirect our judgment toward recognizing them as people with undeveloped or damaged frameworks.
Join me as we discuss practical insights into how we can maintain healthy projections and reflections, ensuring our own emotional health. Engage with me on Instagram and Threads at @JoscelynKate to share your thoughts and experiences on this topic.
Follow the show for more episodes exploring empathy and abuse dynamics, and sign up for the newsletter on themiddaylatte.com for updates and exclusive content.
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Join the discussion on narcissism. Gain clarity on how it reflects a person's emotional responses developed through their upbringing. Learn about the concept of 'empathy vortex', a self-projected scenario where narcissists block inward reflection and understanding of others.
Take a deeper look into the concerns around using labels like 'narcissist', and better understand why refraining from villainizing those who exhibit toxic traits leads to the de-stigmatization of mental health and treatment seeking. We explore how everyone has the potential to exhibit toxic behaviors and misuse empathy.
We analyze the impact of life experiences and trauma responses that shape personal behaviors. And we discuss how high emotional acuity can lead to feelings of superiority and boundary-crossing, resulting in unhealthy relationships. Gain deep insight into how therapy aids in recognizing how people cope differently, leading to a greater understanding and ability to validate personal expressions.
Also covered is the importance of respecting personal intellectual spaces and emotional boundaries, understanding how empathy, when overused as a tool for extracting the truth, deters connection and alignment with others.
Avoid an empathy vortex or superiority complex by acknowledging the variations in emotional landscapes. Discover insight to help you understand how a balance between empathy and respect for personal experiences can pave the way for positive and healthy relationships.
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Take a fascinating deep dive into the realm of empathy and human interactions with host, Joscelyn Kate, in an episode of the 'Pursuit of You' podcast. Engage with complex psychological dynamics as we analyze the ebb and flow of empathy, the role it plays in our relationships and the impact of its suppression or extension on our self-confidence and inner trust. This episode touches on the delicate balance between empathy and self-protection, and how it influences our decision-making when setting personal boundaries.
Journey with us as we venture into the realm of abusive dynamics, discussing overt and covert narcissism, victim mindset, and learned helplessness. Learn how these emotionally damaging patterns, often rooted in our childhood experiences, can drain the vitality out of empathic interactions within relationships. The episode highlights the importance of energy balance in relationships and the detrimental effect of coerced empathy extraction.
We delve into the chilling phenomenon of 'gaslighting' – an abusive tactic that undermines a person's perception of reality – and explore how it can disrupt self-trust and the dynamics of a relationship. The episode underscores the importance of building inner trust to protect our own version of truth and avoid undue influences in our perceived reality.
The discussion also extends to the stages of healthy self-focus, namely self-awareness, self-talk, self-trust, self-control, self-discipline, and self-discovery. Learn how each of these stages nurtures an understanding of our experiences, aiding in our journey to self-realization.
The Boundary Setting Workbook available at TheMiddayLatte.com is mentioned as a potential tool for better relationship management.
Lastly, Joscelyn shares her personal experiences and struggles with empathic sensitivity, the swift transformation from empath to narcissist, and how to manage empathy for the benefit of our relationships and personal growth. This episode is not merely informative but a stride towards understanding and reclaiming our personal power and trust in human interactions.
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In this episode, I talk about what perspective is and how to use it to your advantage.
Our mind and body work on autopilot, influencing our behaviors is about having a "North Star" and directing our efforts so that our subconscious mind works to seek out the experiences we desire.
Learn what you can do with your perspective and how to release the perspective of others that can sometimes lead us down a path of self-sabotage.
Takeaway Points:
- Perspective is not meant to invalidate your emotions and experiences
- You don't need to change your mind about the suffering you've experienced
- Perspective is a tool to communicate with our subconscious mind and operate our nervous system from the passenger seat
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In this episode, we discuss the concept of radical responsibility, and the importance of accepting the full scope of responsibility in various aspects of life. Highlighting the challenge of distinguishing radical responsibility from radical blame and viewing situations from a perspective of responsibility rather than blame.
Radical responsibility and radical blame are two sides of the same coin, Neglect is the opposite of responsibility, solved with compassion.
We also give into the complexities of influencing others' behaviors, the limitations of control, and the necessity of cooperation in the various systems of which we're apart.
Takeaway Points:
- Radical responsibility involves accepting the full scope of responsibility in various aspects of life.
- Distinguish between radical responsibility and radical blame, focusing on a perspective of responsibility.
- Embrace the idea that neglect is the opposite of responsibility and solved only with compassion.
- Breaking toxic cycles requires dual energy to break old habits and start new, healthy ones.
- Understand what you can truly take responsibility for and release what you can't.
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In this reflective episode, we explore the intricacies of manifesting goals. Emphasizing the pitfalls of setting unrealistic goals and timelines, underscoring the importance of identifying personal access to resources.
The discussion delves into the five crucial steps of creation: awareness, thought, belief, action, and thing. And we focus in on cultivating belief before taking targeted action, recognizing the inevitable failures, and trusting the process.
The 21 Day Real Life Reset, a fusion of therapy and life coaching, has launched!! Visit TheMiddayLatte.com/wellness
Key Takeaways:
- Set realistic goals based on personal access to resources.
- Be mindful of realistic timelines, acknowledging past experiences.
- Cultivate belief before taking targeted action, trusting in the process.
- Embrace small goals to avoid self-sabotage and maintain commitment.
Practical Tips for Manifestation:
- Integrating a physical practice, like yoga, to align the physical and intellectual spaces.
- Importance of reorienting oneself with proximity in physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual aspects.
- Recognizing the difficulty of existing in the intellectual space without cultivating belief before taking action.
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In this episode we go through the importance of setting the right size goals and how small goals can be an act of self-sabotage. The discussion emphasizes the need for goals that are big enough to create urgency and motivation while still being attainable. We explore how setting small goals may lead to procrastination and avoidance behaviors, preventing progress.
The concept of meta feelings, feelings about our feelings, is the focus.
Fear of setting big goals is linked to meta feelings.
Takeaways:
- Setting small goals can lead to self-sabotage by hindering progress and motivation.
- Goals should be big enough to create urgency and motivation while remaining attainable.
- Meta feelings, feelings about our feelings, can lead to codependency and people-pleasing behaviors.
- Goal-setting is linked to intellectual health, testing self-trust, and creating a cycle of self-sabotage or progress.
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In this episode, we go over the importance of setting personal boundaries for healthy emotional processing. We talk about respect in communication, consent to care, and personal space within relationships. And I underscore boundary infringement that occurs when empathy is not consensual.
- Strengthen emotional boundaries to maintain an inner voice and self-trust.
- Practice identifying and expressing feelings in a healthy way.
- Respectfully communicate needs and wants, giving consideration to the other's emotional capacity.
- Journal on the idea that feelings are experienced alone first, then consent for care is requested.
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In this episode, I discuss the importance of self-awareness in personal growth, identifying six stages of healthy self-focus. I also talk about the need to differentiate between one's own needs and desires and those projected onto them by others, the importance of trust in oneself, and the ability to control toxic habits and patterns. In this episode, I recommend practicing a ritual that I do personally to keep my own toxic habits and patterns in check.
- Practice a ritual to identify and become aware of your own needs and desires.
- Engage in self-talk to develop self-trust and clarity in identifying your needs.
- Exert control over toxic coping mechanisms and toxic patterns of behavior.
- Develop discipline through consistent engagement in practices that promote growth and thriving.
- Deepen your self-awareness through ongoing self-discovery and exploration of deeper layers of awareness in your own human experience.
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In this episode, I talk about the importance of personal growth and your emotional evolution not being kept private. Admitting to problems and seeking solutions is crucial for healing. I also share my personal experience with yoga, therapy, and healing.
I also introduce a three-step problem-solving framework!
Open communication, empathy, and respect are vital in healthy relationships. I encourage you to stay open on your healing journey.
- Clearly identify the problem and communicate your truth.
- Determine whether the problem is yours to fix alone or if you need cooperation.
- If the problem can be fixed with your actions alone, move on to cultivating the opposite.
- Communicate your problem and solution to your care community
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In this episode, I share my personal journey of emotional healing and self-discovery. I started the podcast as a way to express my thoughts and opinions following a difficult time in my life. Through therapy, yoga teacher training, and mindfulness practices, I was able to heal and grow emotionally. I discuss the importance of spirituality, hope, and faith in achieving goals and overcoming self-sabotage.
I encourage you to observe their emotions and find stillness, highlighting the significance of mindfulness and awareness in discovering inner peace. The goal is to inspire others on their own paths of self-discovery and emotional wellness.
- Reflect on past experiences and identify triggers for self-sabotaging behavior.
- Practice mindfulness to be more present and aware.
- Embrace spirituality and cultivate hope and faith.
- Become an observer of feelings and emotions.
- Share mindfulness practices with others for inspiration and support.
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In this episode, I discuss the importance of self-awareness and self-awareness practices for personal growth. I will introduce the six stages of healthy self-focus and the five steps of creation, using the example of the Wright brothers to illustrate their application.
We'll focus on the significance of self-talk and dialogue with oneself in shaping beliefs and taking action. Also touching on the connection between spirituality, hope, and faith. Gentle reminders to pay attention to the body's signals and sensations, and the importance of responding with compassion and forgiveness towards oneself are sprinkled throughout.
I encourage you to trust you body, forgive yourself, and embrace both power and powerlessness to thrive. Testing and proving beliefs through action is key to accessing deeper layers of faith.
- Reflect on and validate your own feelings and emotions.
- Practice self-awareness and self-talk to deepen your understanding of yourself.
- Explore the six stages of healthy self-focus: self-awareness, self-talk, self-trust, self-control, self-discipline, and self-action.
- Apply the five steps of creation: awareness, thought, belief, action, and manifestation.
- Take action and repeat actions to bring your beliefs and goals to fruition.
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Season 2 coming January 2024!!
Find out what we’ll cover in the latest episodes, get on the newsletter, and read what’s on the blog at TheMiddayLatte.com
Episode 14- Our emotional mass impacts the way we interact with other people and the way they interact with us. Understanding our emotional mass allows us to bring more intention to the way we communicate our needs and build relationships.
Episode 13- Self-Care is not only about taking care of our mind and body, but also being mindful of our impact. How do we become more aware of our impact in order to improve our relationships?
Episode 12- When we choose to end a relationship, we may experience grief. Not processing our grief can impact our ability to move forward in a healthy way. Our fear of that grief may also cause us to stay in an unhealthy relationship. Find out how to move forward in spite of self-inflicted grief.
Episode 11- What stops us from being happy? The lenses we see the world and our relationships through. Understanding the lenses we use helps us make decisions about what we do and don't allow into our lives.
Episode 10- One thing that clouds our communication with our loved ones is the belief in universal needs. Our needs and our feelings are personal and when we own them we can find the right people and solutions to help us meet our needs.
Episide 9- How do you introduce new boundaries to your current relationships without fear of rejection? By identifying your ideal outcome and then approaching your loved ones with the right plan.
Episode 8- Where does our self-worth come from? Who decides when our feelings & needs are worthy of attention? Assigning our own value is complicated especially when all we want is to be loved by others.
Episode 7- How do you find the right care community? Exploring our feelings and finding the right people to care is a lot like standing outside the door to a party. Have you ever been there before?
Episode 6- Vulnerability is an indiscriminate force. Without mindful processing and releasing of vulnerability we can find ourselves a part of the wrong care communities. Ones that drain us, or that we feel inadequate participating in.
Episode 5- Can I Speak to the Manager? How can we ensure we're empathizing and balancing our feelings with those in our care communities? What makes someone worthy of being a part of our care community and who gets to decide?
Episode 4- What does it mean to balance our feelings? How do we know when we're out of balance and what can we do about it? Healthy relationships require empathy and balance but we need to make sure we're taking care of our own peace.
Episode 3- Identifying internal and external limitations, understanding our most prominent barrier: universal truths v. personal truths, and 5 undeniable facts about your needs.
Episode 2- How to know if someone's feedback is helpful and trustworthy, plus, how to improve and strengthen our care communities.
Episode 1- Including the two elements of healthy communication, 1) expressive, blameless language, and 2) a partner with the emotional capacity to listen.