Post Traumatic Parenting: Recent Episodes
Dr. Robyn Koslowitz
Are you navigating the rollercoaster of matrescence and feeling overwhelmed? You're not alone! Dive into today's conversation with Dr. Nikki Pensack, author of "Rattled," where we peel back the layers of becoming a new parent, discussing why this transformation is a normative trauma, regardless of your background or education.
You'll discover how your brain's incredible ability for self-directed neuroplasticity during motherhood can be your ally in achieving post-traumatic growth. Plus, you'll learn to embrace the 'mommy brain' as a badge of honor, showcasing your newfound emotional intelligence and multitasking prowess. This episode is a treasure trove of insights that will empower you to own your journey through parenthood with confidence.
Join us as we normalize the struggles, celebrate the strengths, and provide practical tips for thriving during one of life's most intense transitions. Tune in now and become part of a community that understands the unique challenges and joys of post-traumatic parenting. Your adventure through matrescence awaits!
Topics covered on Matrescence:1. What is matrescence? 2. How can the intense challenges of new motherhood lead to personal growth and transformation? 3. Why is no one immune to the struggles of matrescence? 4. Insights from Dr. Nikki Pensack's book "Rattled" for mothers navigating the tumultuous period of matrescence. 5. How can the skills honed during matrescence be valuable assets in the professional world? 6. Why is it important to normalize the difficulties of motherhood instead of perpetuating the myth of perfection? 7. Reframing the concept of "mommy brain" from a negative stereotype to a recognition of a mother's cognitive strengths. 8. What strategies can mothers use to navigate the return to work after maternity leave with confidence and strength?
Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel Post Traumatic Parenting.
For full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2024/04/25/embracing-matres…dr-nicole-pensak/
Are you a post-traumatic parent struggling to navigate the complexities of relational aggression and bullying? Tune in to today's episode where we'll dive into the world of relational aggression with Rosalind Wiseman, the author behind "Queen Bees and Wannabes" – the book that sparked the hit movie "Mean Girls."
You'll discover how to empower your children and yourself to rise above bullying, maintain dignity, and foster respect in the face of life's challenges. We'll explore the invisible rules of social dynamics that can leave us feeling lost and the importance of understanding the difference between respect and dignity. Rosalind will share lots of practical examples on how to deal with passive-aggressive behavior within families and how to support your kids through discomfort without overprotecting them.
This episode is a must-listen for any post-traumatic parent seeking to navigate these difficult social challenges so they can provide a healthy childhood for their children.
Topics covered on Navigating Relational Aggression Bullying for Post-Traumatic Parents:1. What is relational aggression bullying, and how does it affect children, especially those with traumatic backgrounds? 2. How did the book "Queen Bees and Wannabes" inspire the movie "Mean Girls," and why is it a must-read for understanding girl dynamics? 3. Why are dignity and respect crucial in post-traumatic parenting, and how can parents ensure their children feel their inherent worth? 4. How can post-traumatic parents help their kids navigate social challenges effectively? 5. Practical examples of how to deal with passive-aggressive behavior without losing authenticity or self-respect. 6. How to ask the right questions that lead to self-reflection and better management of difficult conversations. 7. What strategies can post-traumatic parents use to manage their bandwidth and still connect authentically with their kids during tough times?
Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel Post Traumatic Parenting.
For full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2024/04/11/navigating-relat…rosalind-wiseman/
Healing from childhood trauma is at the heart of today's podcast episode, where I sit down with Brandi Cox, author of "In Better Hands: An Appalachian Memoir of Healing and Grace." Brandi's raw and inspiring narrative, released just this year, offers a beacon of hope to anyone navigating the aftermath of a turbulent past.
As a debut author, she shares her compelling desire to use her story as a catalyst for change, providing insight into the possibility of breaking free from the chains of generational curses. Join us as we dive into the essence of Brandi's journey, exploring the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of sharing one's truth.
This episode is filled with candid conversations that will not only enlighten but also embolden you to believe in the dawn that follows the darkest of nights. So, if you're seeking a sign of hope or a reminder that healing is within reach, this conversation with Brandi Cox is an essential listen.
Topics covered on Healing from Childhood Trauma:1. Brandi Cox's memoir about overcoming and healing from childhood trauma. 2. How did Brandi navigate knowing her birth father but being raised by her grandparents? 3. What challenges did Brandi face when transitioning into motherhood given her past? 4. How has Brandi's approach to parenting been shaped by her own experiences? 5. What drove Brandi to seek counseling, and how did it help her heal from childhood trauma? 6. How did cultural and regional attitudes shape Brandi's experience with mental health 7. What revelations or unexpected memories surfaced while writing her memoir?
Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel Post Traumatic Parenting.
For full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2024/02/15/from-trauma-to-hope-brandi-coxs-story-of-healing-from-childhood-trauma
Welcome to a very special episode of the Post Traumatic Parenting podcast! I'm so excited about today's episode because I had the chance to sit down with Kimberly Shannon Murphy, an incredible stuntwoman and gifted author of the book Glimmer.
In our conversation, we dove deep into the profound impact of generational trauma and post-traumatic parenting. Kimberly opened up about her personal journey of overcoming incest and how this experience shaped her life and approach to motherhood. This episode is not just about survival but also about breaking cycles of generational abuse and forging a new path for our children and future generations. While we do touch on sensitive topics, our conversation is ultimately one of resilience, healing, and hope.
Whether you're taking your first steps toward healing or you're further along on your path, joining us today could be a pivotal point in your own narrative. Tune in, and perhaps even ignite the spark for your personal healing journey.
Topics covered on Healing From Generational Trauma:1. How did Kimberly's experiences with abuse shape her journey into motherhood, and what does she share in her memoir "Glimmer"? 2. What were the biggest challenges Kimberly faced when trying to parent her daughter? 3. Breaking the cycle of generational trauma and providing a healthier childhood for our children. 4. The body memories and the physical aspects of trauma in our everyday lives and on parenting. 5. How can we reclaim our bodies and lives after experiencing trauma? 6. The power of sharing personal stories in generational trauma. 7. How does the concept of forgiveness play a role in healing from generational trauma, and is it necessary for everyone? 8. How can we use our trauma as a springboard for growth and healing, rather than letting it define us?
Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel Post Traumatic Parenting.
For full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2024/01/25/breaking-the-cycle-of-generational-trauma-with-kimberly-shannon-murphy
Are you navigating the challenging waters of post-traumatic parenting of middle school children? Today, I sit down with Nik Bowers, a former middle school principal and fellow post-traumatic parent. We dive deep into our personal experiences of overcoming trauma and how it has shaped our approach to parenting. We discuss the importance of being 'cycle breakers'—striving to provide our children with healthier childhoods than we had.
Nik shares her powerful story of surviving child sexual abuse and how she used her pain as a catalyst for change in her parenting style. We also delve into the critical role of teaching middle schoolers about relationships, emotions, and problem-solving. We share practical tips on how to foster authentic relationships with your kids and why it's essential to model problem-solving skills. Plus, we reveal exciting projects to help parents and children learn together.
This episode is a must-listen for any parent seeking to understand and improve their approach to post-traumatic parenting of middle school children. It's an honest, raw, and insightful conversation that promises to leave you feeling empowered and equipped to face the challenges of parenting head-on. Tune in now!
Topics covered on Post-traumatic Parenting of Middle School Children:1. How to break the cycle and provide a healthier environment for your children? 2. Nik Bowers' personal journey from being a victim of child sexual abuse to becoming a proactive parent and educator. 3. What are the unique challenges and opportunities of post-traumatic parenting middle schoolers? 4. Teaching middle school children about relationships and setting boundaries. 5. The significance of open communication between post-traumatic parents and middle school children. 6. Using challenges as opportunities to teach children valuable life skills. 7. How can you ensure that your children grow up to be independent problem solvers, critical thinkers, and kind individuals? 8. Creating an authentic relationship with your children while healing your own trauma.
Quote:
"I always say that I paint beauty with ashes and in order to do that, you have to do the work." - Nik Bowers
Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel Post Traumatic Parenting.
For full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2024/01/18/post-traumatic-p…-with-nik-bowers.
Welcome to another guest episode of Post Traumatic Parenting! In today's episode, we'll be diving deep into the complexities of navigating toxic relationships with a nationally recognized expert clinical psychologist - Dr. Sherrie Campbell. Dr. Campbell shares her personal journey of growing up in a toxic environment and how she broke free from the cycle of abuse.
We discuss the importance of understanding family dynamics and setting boundaries to protect not only yourself but also your children. She provides invaluable insights on harnessing anger as a healthy emotion for justice and boundary-setting, distinguishing it from destructive rage. She emphasizes the need to prioritize your own happiness and privacy when dealing with toxic individuals. Dr. Campbell also introduces us to the concept of "gray rocking" - a strategy to navigate conversations with toxic individuals you can't avoid. This episode is a treasure trove of advice for anyone grappling with the aftermath of a toxic relationship or seeking to break free from one.
A trigger warning: This episode contains swear words and discusses family estrangement. It may be triggering for parents who have experienced post-traumatic stress and have heard statements like, "If you set boundaries with me, your kids will grow up to cut you off."
Topics covered on Navigating Toxic Relationships:1. The impact of growing up in a toxic environment on your parenting style. 2. How can understanding family dynamics help you navigate toxic relationships? 3. The importance of setting boundaries to protect yourself and your children from toxic relationships. 4. How does Dr. Sherrie Campbell's personal experience inform her expertise on dealing with narcissistic and toxic people? 5. Why is self-healing crucial for post-traumatic parents and how can you break the cycle of abuse? 6. How can love be a powerful tool in overcoming trauma and fostering a nurturing environment for children? 7. What is the 'gray rocking' technique and how can it be used to manage toxic relationships? 8. Why is valuing privacy essential when dealing with toxic relationships? 9. How can reclaiming your own happiness and psychological resources help you deal with toxic relationships?
Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology. For full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2023/11/29/breaking-free-fr…sherrie-campbell
Welcome to another episode of the Post Traumatic Parenting podcast! Today's episode is extra special because I'm joined by Lynn Greenberg, co-author of the book "Robby the Dyslexic Taxi and the Airport Adventure". This episode is being released in October to honor Dyslexia Awareness Month, so let's celebrate by discussing how post-traumatic parents can better support their children with dyslexia in understanding and embracing their diagnosis.
If you're a loyal listener of the Post Traumatic Parenting podcast, you've heard me talk about my AIM Model - acceptance, integration, and mission. Jonathan is a perfect example of how this model can be applied. It shows us how we can take a diagnosis that initially appears as a challenge and transform it into a superpower and a unique gift. Join us in today's podcast episode to celebrate Dyslexia Awareness Month together and learn more about Jonathan & Lynn's journey, the challenges they overcame, and how it inspired them to write their beautiful and empowering book "Robby the Dyslexic Taxi and the Airport Adventure".
Topics covered on Celebrating Dyslexia Awareness Month:1. What inspired Lynn & Jonathan to write "Robby the Dyslexic Taxi and the Airport Adventure"? 2. How does this picture book help children with dyslexia understand and embrace their diagnosis? 3. What is the positive message that Lynn & Jonathan aim to convey through their book? 4. The challenges of living with dyslexia that the book acknowledges. 5. What other neurodiverse issues do Lynn & Jonathan plan to address in future books? 6. How do Lynn & Jonathan hope to promote acceptance and understanding of neurodiversity through their work? 7. The impact "Robby the Dyslexic Taxi and the Airport Adventure" had on its readers. 8. How can literature play a role in promoting empathy and understanding towards people with neurodiverse conditions such as dyslexia? 9. What advice do Lynn & Jonathan have for parents or educators who want to support children with dyslexia?
Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology. For full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2023/10/25/dyslexia-awarene…h-lynn-greenberg
In today's podcast episode, we will address the concerns of post-traumatic parents who may feel a sense of sadness as they learn about cycle-breaking and attachment theory. They wonder how their own attachment experiences may have impacted their children. However, we will debunk the myth that secure attachment is beyond the reach of post-traumatic parents. Instead, we will focus on how we can work towards repairing attachment, even if it feels challenging.
Throughout this episode, we will examine attachment theory through the lens of trauma and post-traumatic parenting. We will break down the components of attachment and understand how we can repair it. It is important to remember that everything can be repaired if we know how. So let's approach this episode with a positive attitude, knowing that attachment is not an unattainable concept for post-traumatic parents.
Join me as we explore attachment theory, learn how to repair attachment, and empower ourselves as post-traumatic parents. Together, we can provide our children with the healthy attachment they deserve.
Topics covered on What You Didn't Know About Attachment Theory:1. How does trauma affect our ability to form healthy attachments with our children? 2. What is the significance of attachment theory in understanding parent-child relationships? 3. Can feelings of sadness and inadequacy impact your role as an attachment figure for your children? 4. How can we repair broken attachments and achieve earned security through therapy and self-work? 5. What are the functions of the attachment system and how does trauma impact it? 6. Why are attunement, delight, and reciprocal movement vital in building a healthy attachment with children? 7. Is it possible to learn and repair attachment even if you did not experience it yourself? 8. How does trauma lead to difficulties in regulating emotions and building trust? 9. What strategies can be employed for healing and strengthening attachment relationships? 10. Why is self-care an essential component in the journey towards healthier attachment and when should professional help be sought?
Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology. For full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2023/10/18/what-most-post-t…ttachment-theory
Are you a parent who has experienced trauma and is now raising a neurodiverse child? Have you ever wondered how to navigate the challenges and joys that come with it? In today's podcast episode, we discuss how to overcome the challenges of parenting a neurodiverse child while addressing your own trauma with my special guest, Dayna Abraham. Dayna is a parenting educator and author of the book "Calm the Chaos."
She shares her personal journey as a parent of a neurodiverse child and how she discovered the transformative effects of shifting her mindset and questioning traditional forms of parenting. Dayna reveals how reframing can lead to positive changes in our lives and relationships with our children but that's not all! We also talk about her book "Calm the Chaos," her failproof roadmap for parenting, and how it helps parents handle challenges proactively instead of reacting in the moment. If you want to learn more about different strategies to improve your relationship with your neurodiverse child, today's episode is for you!
Topics covered on PTSD Parenting Your Neurodiverse Child:* Dana's journey as a post-traumatic parent and how she integrated it into her parenting values. * How does Dana's book "Calm the Chaos" provide a neurologically and neurodevelopmentally informed approach to parenting? * Dana speaks about navigating internal distractions, such as PTSD, while dealing with external factors like parenting challenges. * Addressing your trauma while raising a neurodiverse child. * How does Dana help parents who raise neurodiverse child and feel conflicted when traditional parenting approaches contradict their values? * The four key elements for approaching any parenting situation. * What strategies can you use to get ahead of the moment and handle parenting challenges proactively? * What strategies can we use to help neurodiverse children overcome challenges and make information more concrete? * How to empower neurodiverse children to take control of their own motivation and learn to hack their own brains? * Practical tips for balancing personal goals, parenting, and other responsibilities. * How can parents overcome shame and approach challenges with a mindset of curiosity? * What strategies can be employed to make complex information more accessible and easily digestible for neurodivergent individuals?
Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology. For full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2023/09/06/ptsd-parenting-y…th-dayna-abraham
Welcome back to another episode of the Post-Traumatic Parenting podcast! In this episode, I am joined by Dr. Brie Turns-Coe, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and together we discuss how to parent the child you have, not the child you were, and how to provide your children with a healthy childhood. Dr. Brie Turns-Coe emphasizes the importance of recognizing the unique needs of each child rather than parenting based on our own childhood experiences or the opposite of them. We also delve into the topic of post-traumatic parenting, how to identify it, including speaking to your inner child and understanding what you needed as a child versus what your child needs now. We touch on the challenges of parenting a child with psychodiversity, the importance of recognizing and meeting our own unmet needs as post-traumatic parents, the harmful effects of spanking, why it is not an effective form of discipline, and more.
Topics covered on Parent the Child You Have, Not the Child You Were for Post-traumatic Parents:* Are you unknowingly parenting based on the opposite or the same methods as your own parents? * How can you focus on the unique individuality of your child instead of your own inner child? * Healing without placing unnecessary blame on your parents. * Strategies you can implement to create a safe and nurturing environment for your child. * How can we avoid playing trauma poker and acknowledge each other's challenges? * How to identify and heal your own childhood as a post-traumatic parent? * Meeting your children's needs without forcing your unmet needs onto them. * Different parenting styles across generations. * Navigating the challenges of post-traumatic parenting in the digital age. * Benefits of addressing personal traumas and unresolved issues before starting a family. * What are some alternative options for post-traumatic parents to talk to their children about them without passing their own hang-ups? * The importance of allowing your body to release trauma through shaking and other physical responses naturally.
Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology. For full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2023/07/26/parent-the-child…h-brie-turns-coe
Tune in to today's episode to explore the topic of shame in parenting, healing low self-worth, and how to provide children with a shame-free childhood. My special guest, Maggie Nick, founder of Parenting with Perspectacles, shares her inspiring story of breaking the cycle of shame in parenting and together, we discuss the importance of breaking these cycles to ensure our children grow up feeling loved and worthy. We also talk about the transformative power of rejecting shame, fear, intimidation, and punishment as parenting tools and challenge the notion that being a "good parent" depends on having a "good" and obedient child.
Join us as we explore why is it so important to allow children to release stress and regulate themselves, the negative impact of the fear of being perceived as a bad parent if a child acts disrespectfully, how to set boundaries without shaming or threatening your children to strengthen the parent-child bond, and more.
Topics covered on Breaking the Cycle of Shame in Parenting:* Maggie's journey as a cycle breaker and her realization that trauma and shame in parenting were the root causes of her own struggles. * Breaking cycles of trauma and shame in parenting to ensure children grow up feeling loved and worthy. * Exploration of the deep sadness, despair, and jealousy that can arise when providing a different, more loving parenting experience to your own children. * Rejecting the idea of using shame, fear, intimidation, and punishment to enforce compliance and obedience in children. * Being a "good parent" is not solely determined by having a "good" and respectful child. * Why do you need to allow children to release stress and regulate themselves through resistance and pushing back? * Exploring the negative impact of shame and the fear of being perceived as a bad parent if a child acts disrespectfully. * Estrangement from a parent is a serious decision that results from severe mistreatment. People may judge estrangement because it challenges their own beliefs about maintaining relationships with their parents. * Challenging negative self-beliefs and recognizing their origins can promote healing and prevent passing on harmful patterns to children. * Why is it important to hold space for children to express their negative emotions and allow them to release and clear any underlying issues? * Children who hold everything in and pretend to be fine may experience chronic dysregulation and can benefit from emotional releases. * Parents may get triggered by their child's behavior due to their own past traumas, and it's important to recognize and heal those triggers. * Trusting the body's response and understanding that there's always a reason behind reactions can help parents navigate challenging situations with their children. * Reactions to children are often not about the child but about the parent's past experiences, and it's important to separate the two.
Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology. For full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2023/07/19/breaking-the-cyc…with-maggie-nick
In today's episode, I had the pleasure of hosting Michelle Zagardo, a member of the post-traumatic parenting community. Our discussion centered around post-traumatic parenting while in eating disorder recovery. We debunked the myth that only those who are severely ill require treatment for eating disorders. Additionally, we delved into the relationship between food and control, especially for individuals who grew up without much autonomy.
We also explored how societal messages can impact our relationship with food and our bodies. It is crucial to have a healthy relationship with food, where it is viewed as a tool for nourishment and enjoyment without becoming an obsession.
Furthermore, we highlighted how parents can inadvertently project their discomfort with food onto their children, leading to a lack of self-regulation and co-regulation skills. Tune in as we examine the impact of trauma on our relationship with our bodies, how it can become a battlefield that we cannot escape, and discover how to model positive relationships with food and your body for your children.
Topics covered on Eating Disorder Recovery:* Michelle shares her experience of post-traumatic parenting while in eating disorder recovery. * Michelle explains the concept of having a competent relationship with food. * Differing perspectives on feeding children candy. * Potential risks of hyper-focusing on nutrition and creating hangups about food. * How do big industrial food companies make non-nutrient-dense foods attractive to children? * Importance of balance and avoiding perfectionism in post-traumatic parenting. * Early childhood experiences with food impact our relationship with food later in life. * How parents can unintentionally project their own discomfort with food onto their children? * How can you as a parent model positive relationships with food and your body for your children? * Educating children about nutrition can be done positively by focusing on nutrients rather than labeling food as "healthy" or "unhealthy." * Influence of diet culture and societal pressures on body image and self-perception. * How can trauma disconnect us from our bodies and lead to eating disorders?
Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology. For full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2023/07/12/eating-disorder-recovery-for-post-traumatic-parents-with-michelle-zagardo
In today's podcast episode, I delve deep into the world of parts work therapy with the incredible trauma therapist, author, and parts work expert - Ilyse Kennedy. Ilyse's area of expertise lies in working with complex trauma, and she has helped numerous parents unpack their trauma while parenting their children.
In this interview, Ilyse sheds light on the concept of parts work therapy, which involves identifying and addressing different parts of yourself. She also talks about the importance of parts work therapy and how it can help post-traumatic parents navigate the challenges of parenthood. Tune in as we discuss the unique struggles post-traumatic parents face daily, the pitfalls of social media's idealized versions of motherhood, and how to embrace your authentic qualities as both an individual and a remarkable parent.
Topics covered on Parts Work Therapy: * Ilyse’s background and experience in trauma and parts work therapy. * What is parts work therapy? * The concept of self-energy. * How does parts work therapy help post-traumatic parents navigate the challenges of parenting? * The connection between trauma and postpartum depression. * How becoming a parent can bring up unresolved childhood trauma. * The challenges presented by the added layer of trauma for post-traumatic parents. * The significance of trauma awareness in parenting and the exploration of your own childhood experiences. * How does parts work therapy help post-traumatic parents better understand themselves and navigate parenting challenges? * The pressure and comparison caused by social media accounts that portray idealized versions of motherhood. * The value of recognizing and appreciating your own qualities as an individual and parent.
Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology. For full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2023/06/06/parts-work-therapy-for-post-traumatic-parents-with-ilyse-kennedy/
In today’s episode of Post Traumatic Parenting, I delve further into the topic of entanglement, boundaries, and how to get out of entanglement. If you recall the previous episode, you remember Esme, a post-traumatic parent who is so tangled up in the dynamics of her family of origin that it interferes with her parenting style and hinders her ability to parent in accordance with her values. Esme has sought my guidance in analyzing her situation and finding a way out of this entanglement.
While some may believe that cutting off ties or completely withdrawing from her family is the solution, they are mistaken. The answer lies in something that many post-traumatic parents find confusing and challenging: boundaries.
By setting healthy boundaries and honoring them, parents like Esme can reclaim their true identity, realign with their values, and once again parent in accordance with their values. Join me as I discuss the importance and purpose of boundaries, the adverse effects of repeatedly breaking boundaries, how to establish clear boundaries, effectively communicate them with others, and more.
Note: In this episode, I mistakenly referred to it as episode 15. However, we had to publish an additional episode prior to this one. Therefore, please note that this episode is actually episode 16. We apologize for any confusion this may have caused and hope you enjoy listening to this episode!
Topics covered in this episode:* Why do post-traumatic parents often lack an understanding of boundaries? * The story of Mrs. McGillicutty highlights the importance of boundaries and the consequences of ignoring them. * Boundaries are not about estrangement, but rather about mediating closeness and maintaining personal integrity. * How does anger serve as an antidote to guilt, and what role does justified guilt play in acknowledging mistakes and repairing relationships? * In what ways can anger temporarily suppress guilt, potentially leading to the acceptance of behaviors that would normally be unacceptable in a calm state? * Why do boundaries exist, and what purpose do they serve in relationships? * Different understandings of boundaries often cause anger and conflicts in relationships. * Why is there no objective standard for boundaries, and why might what works for one family not work for another? * When can exceptions be made to boundaries, and how should these exceptions be handled? * Setting clear boundaries and effectively communicating them in relationships. * How does setting boundaries help children establish a strong sense of self and values as part of their development? * How can good boundaries protect children from peer pressure?
Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology. For full show notes and more resources visit https://www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2023/05/31/getting-out-of-e…-into-boundaries/
Welcome to another episode of Post-Traumatic Parenting! I'm thrilled to share today's episode with you as I'm experimenting with a new format for solo episodes. After hearing from several post-traumatic parents who reached out to share their stories on the podcast but were concerned about protecting their identities, I wanted to find a way to help them and analyze their situations without revealing any sensitive information. By doing so, we can learn so much from one another's experiences and grow together as a community.
In today's episode, I begin by discussing the five different types of post-traumatic parents, with a particular focus on the entangled parent and establishing boundaries. I then introduce you to the first story of Esme, an entangled parent, and we explore her entanglement with family, the impact it had on her day-to-day life, and my advice for her moving forward. Tune in for this and more!
Topics covered in this episode:* The 5 types of post-traumatic parents * What it means to be an entangled parent * Esme’s own entanglement story * The challenges of working from home * Esme's emotional displacement onto her children due to the entanglement situation * Esme's arbiters of reality and how they influence her day-to-day life * What is the AIM model and how to apply it in Esme’s situation * Why post-traumatic parents often struggle with establishing boundaries * The trait that others find annoying may actually be your secret superpower * Why is it hard to establish boundaries at times * How to reclaim your reality from the arbiters of reality * Don’t let your kids be the caretaker of your own emotions
Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and for full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2023/05/10/post-traumatic-p…entangled-parent/
Columbine. Las Vegas Rt. 91. Sandy Hook. Robb Elementary School. These shootings (and sadly, so many more) are seared into our public consciousness. I can still remember where I was when the news about Columbine broke. For many Post-Traumatic Parents, the thought of mass violence or school shootings is terrifying, because who knows better than us just how unsafe the world is? Even if our trauma wasn't about mass violence, the unsafe feeling trauma leaves behind affects us.
In this deeply moving episode, the women of Survivors Path talk about the courage it takes to parent after being in a mass casualty event, the way trauma leaves a long shadow on our lives, and how to go on. This episode is all about the "M" of our "AIM" model for coping with trauma - making a mission and meaning out of it. For Survivors Path, that mission is supporting other survivors. Trigger warning - this episode does talk about mass violence, shooting, death, and the death of children. I’m deeply honored to have Survivors Path on the Post-Traumatic Parenting podcast and I can’t wait for you to listen to the episode.
In this episode, we talk about:* What is it like to be a parent who has experienced trauma themselves and how it affects interactions with their children * The impact of trauma on their parenting journey, including panic attacks, anxiety, and navigating their children’s exposure to violence * The challenges of being a post-traumatic parent: setting boundaries, navigating difficult conversations with their children, and dealing with children's exposure to violence in the media * Why should you teach children the reasons behind rules * The judgment faced by mass shooting survivors in handling their experiences and the challenges of navigating through trauma-related fears * Coping with stress and trauma through dissociation and its drawbacks * Anticipatory anxiety and the aftermath of anniversaries related to traumatic events * The importance of support, friendship, and solidarity among mass violence survivors * Finding acceptance, integrating trauma into one's identity, and creating meaning and purpose in life as part of the healing process * Recognizing and respecting children's interests and desires while discussing the consequences and responsibilities * How to have open communication and provide a safe space for discussing difficult topics with children * Recognizing that it's okay not to know every detail of a child's experience and allowing them to advocate for them something
Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and for full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2023/05/18/post-traumatic-parenting-after-mass-violence-survivors-path-share-their-wisdom/
The metaphor I like to use the most for trauma is it’s like a mobile app running in the background. It drains your battery and keeps giving itself permissions unless you actively limit them. You could think of it as well-intentioned malware that was baked into your phone. What’s the goal of the trauma app? Restore a sense of safety.
But here is the thing. The trauma app can’t tell the difference between feeling safe and being safe. It overrides your true self and your ability to act in accordance with your values and that’s why it makes you engage in behaviors that create an illusion of safety at that moment but are actually not safe for you. Join me in today’s podcast episode as I explore how the trauma app works, its impact on your daily life, how you can stop it from hijacking your brain, and much more!
In this episode, I talk about:* What is trauma * Not all traumas are traumatic * Why do we cling to behaviors that we know are counterproductive * PTSD doesn't always look like shaking on the floor and panicking * Unexpected parenting situations that will trigger you * How to deal with a child’s meltdowns * Why we don’t act in accordance with our values when we are in a stress response * How to restore your sense of safety when you’re in a stress response * Why are boundaries confusing for many post-traumatic parents
Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and for full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2023/05/01/how-to-stop-the-…cking-your-brain/
When we as post-traumatic parents, come to the realization of how our traumas impact our parenting, we get anxious and try to get better quickly because we realize how much our children depend on us. Speeding out your trauma recovery is an often discussed topic in the Post Traumatic Parenting community. Members often ask me about self-healing approaches that could be used between therapy sessions to turbocharge their therapy.
That's why for today's podcast episode, I invited Dr. Kate Truitt to talk about havening and how to use it to heal your trauma, and soothe yourself when you get triggered. Tune in as we talk about what is havening, what are the four havening techniques, why havening is a perfect technique for post-traumatic parents, how to use it to reprogram your brain, and so much more!
Note: We experienced some internet connection issues during the recording, which led to some distortion and breaking in the audio in some parts of the interview. Although we weren't completely happy with the sound quality, we decided to release the episode anyway because we felt that Dr. Truitt shared so much value in her insights that we didn't want to keep them from you. We appreciate your understanding and continued support.
In this episode, we chat about:* What is Havening and how it works * How Havening directly accesses the amygdala * What makes Havening a perfect method for post-traumatic parents * What is the amygdala’s role in your body and how does it keep you safe * How I used to use dissociation as a coping mechanism until my kids noticed * How to actively manage your triggers * Dr. Truitt shares common trauma myths people ask her about all the time * How to reprogram your brain when you get triggered * Healing your traumas is not a linear process * What most people misunderstand about the neuroplasticity of our brains * What is Dr. Truitt’s book about and who it was written for * How to use emotional co-regulation with your children * Dr. Truitt shares supportive tools from her book for post-traumatic parents
Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and for full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/2023/03/06/healing-your-tra…h-dr-kate-truitt/
Welcome to another exciting episode of the Post-Traumatic Parenting podcast! In today’s podcast episode, I’m joined by Stephanie Chandler, the founder of the Nonfiction Authors Association. I recently attended her conference and when I heard her unique post-traumatic parenting story I knew I had to share it with you all because I love bringing post-traumatic parents on the podcast so that we can hear real-life Post-Traumatic stories. Stephanie is someone I admire a lot, she turned her trauma into a superpower, while remaining a conscious, present parent. Tune in as we talk about Stephanie’s story, how she suddenly lost her husband and became a single parent, how to process grief when you lose a loved one, what is grief hijack, different ways to process your trauma, and managing trauma while parenting a traumatized child.
In this episode, we chat about:* Stephanie shares how she suddenly lost her husband * The difference between being a single parent and an only parent * A missing male figure in Stephanie's son's life * When should you seek professional help with processing your grief * What is a grief hijack * Stephanie’s journey of starting the Nonfiction Authors Association * How did Stephanie hack her trauma and turned into a superpower * Different ways to process your trauma * How to supercharge your therapy * What motivated me to become a psychologist * Suicide is not selfish, and depression is not only in your head * Stephanie's son's reaction to his dad passing * What they don’t teach you in school about business * Stephanie shares how she started her first writers' conference * Tips on writing a book, building a platform, and finding an agent * Turning your fear into a helpful friend * Why post-traumatic parents are the world's natural entrepreneurs
Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and for full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/turning-your-trauma-into-superpower-with-stephanie-chandler
Postpartum can be tough. Whether you are a new parent or you already have children, you have never done this pregnancy before, you have never adjusted from one baby to two and from two to three. That’s why postpartum recovery might look very different for every one of us. Postpartum shakes, not feeling the rush of maternal love, or feeling incompetent and unsupported, it’s all part of the postpartum journey.
Your body goes through intense experience during childbirth, so it’s important to be kind to yourself. It will take time to adjust to the new period in your life, but it will pass and it will get better. Being post-traumatic just intensifies that experience! I want to normalize this experience for you, that’s why for today’s podcast episode, I invited Chelsea Bodie, the co-founder of Mama Psychologists. Tune in as we talk about postpartum recovery, what you can expect from postpartum, things that most people don’t tell you about, how to set boundaries with your loved one in the postpartum period, and much more!
In this episode, we chat about:* Who is behind Mama Psychologists * Postpartum experiences that aren’t talked about * What can you expect from Not Your Mother’s Postpartum Book * How to filter through parenting content on social media * What are the most common things moms wish they knew about postpartum * Why are you experiencing retraumatization symptoms * The importance of validating your feelings and having a community * Setting boundaries with friends and family in the immediate postpartum period * How did starting Mama Psychologist influence Chelsea’s parenting journey * What phases children go through that are completely normal but make parents freak out
Connect with me on Instagram @dr.koslowitzpsychology and for full show notes and more resources visit www.drrobynkoslowitz.com/what-they-dont-tell-you-about-postpartum-life-trauma-with-chelsea-bodie-of-mamapsychologists
Do you worry about how to protect your kids from online dangers, from predators to porn? As Post-Traumatic Parents, we are especially aware of how dangerous the world can be! In this episode, Kristen A Jenson, from Defend Young Minds, helps us explore how to protect our kids in the digital world. We talk about her books, like Good Pictures, Bad Pictures, her journey towards being a kid safety crusader, and why digital safety is particularly important for those of us who have been traumatized.
You can find Kristen online at www.defendyoungminds.com
Website/Books: https://defendyoungminds.com/books Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DefendYM Instagram: @defendyoungminds Twitter: @defendYM
Trigger warning – for those Post-Traumatic Parents who have experienced boundary-crossing touch or physical abuse – this episode will explore those topics. Make sure to take some self-care precautions before listening. As Post-Traumatic Parents, we sometimes feel safer when we don’t think about these dangers, but that’s replacing the illusion of safety for actual safety. Instead, it’s better to educate ourselves and come up with a proactive plan to keep our kids safe. It can be done!
Is shame the hardest part of Post-Traumatic Parenting? Shame and trauma go together, and shame and parenting do, too. Dr. Patti Ashley, author of Shame Informed Therapy, website https://pattiashley.com/ is the expert on this. We talked about how shame is a sense of not being enough, no matter how well we’re doing, and how trauma leads to shame. Most crucially, we talked about what to do about it. So many PTPs want to avoid shaming our own kids, but we don’t know exactly how. Dr. Ashley has some great ideas.
Post-Traumatic Parents know what helpless feels like, and we don’t want to inflict that feeling on our kids. We don’t want to parent coercively. But the behavioral approach to parenting seems to be the only game in town! Is there a way to help our kids learn emotion regulation or coping without sticker charts? Dr. Mona Delahooke https://monadelahooke.com/ has a parenting plan that combines Polyvagal theory with child development research and neuroscience. Let’s apply her work to Post-Traumatic Parenting.
Post-Traumatic due to divorce? You’ll want to hear what Dr. Ann Buscho has to say. She’s a psychologist and an expert in “Nesting,” a form of divorce where the kids stay home and parents rotate in and out. Her book, The Parent’s Guide to Birdnesting, is a roadmap to the only truly child-centered divorce possible. You can find her and her book at https://drannbuscho.com/ Here’s my review of her book: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/targeted-parenting/202012/book-review-the-parents-guide-birdnesting
Nir Eyal is the bestselling author of Indistractable. Distraction is familiar to us Post-Traumatic Survivors and Thrivers, right? It’s part of our recovery. As PTPs, we struggle with time management and distraction. Reading Indistractable changed my life – and my conversation with Nir – even more so! His insights on attention and the post-traumatic brain are fascinating. He makes a crucial distinction that will blow your mind. You will never think about attention the same way again after hearing this.
Part II of my interview with Dr. Kelly Odenweller, a professor of communication at Iowa State University.
To read my Psychology Today blogpost about Dr. Odenweller’s research on Mommy Wars, click here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/targeted-parenting/201910/have-we-weaponized-parenting
Here’s what we talked about – as two working moms who research this: Helicopter parenting Mommy Wars and the time I almost joined them! Between-group communication My position on mother-in-law jokes….. And so much more!
As long as we’ve been momming, we’ve been mom-shaming. The Internet just lets us do it on a grand scale. In this installment, I talk with Dr. Kelly Odenweller, a professor of communication at Iowa State University. Turns out, mom-shaming is predictable and quantifiable. Specific types of moms are shamed for specific types of behaviors, and some moms are more universally shamed than others. Post-Traumatic Parents are super-vulnerable to mom-shaming. Let’s discuss why we mom-shame, and what to do about it.
Are you passionate about doing parenting right, and desperately afraid you’ll mess up? Parenting Perfectionism is common for us Post-Traumatic Parents. Problem is – the burning desire to parent perfectly can mean…. burning out. In this episode, we talk to groundbreaking researcher Dr. Moïra Mikolajczak, who discovered parental burnout is a thing. This episode explores the implications of her research for Post-Traumatic Parenting. Turns out – parental burnout is real, and it can be fixed. Let’s learn how.
Welcome to the Post-Traumatic Parenting podcast, where we explore the intersection between having a traumatic childhood and how that impacts our parenting today. In this episode, Dr. Koslowitz introduces herself and the backstory of the Post-Traumatic Parenting community. If you've ever had the thought: "How can I parent? My childhood was so messed up?" or "I don't even know what's normal to expect of myself as a parent, or my kids as kids," then this podcast is for you. If you've ever been sure that your own past will interfere with your children's present, or been afraid of your parenting instincts - we get it. We're Post-Traumatic Parents too. Let's explore how trauma creates hidden fault lines in our sense of self, and how parenting can create the stress that breaks those fault lines open. Dr. Koslowitz gets deeply personal about her own post-traumatic journey, how she went from survivor to thriver, and how the concept of Post-Traumatic Parenting was born.
Want to join our community? We're active on Instagram. Follow @dr.koslowitzpsychology on Instagram for daily Post-Traumatic growth and parenting tips, DM her to request future episodes, and find out about the weekly Dr. K's Story Club for Post-Traumatic Parents and their Little Humans to enjoy together.