The Let Me Play Project Podcast: Recent Episodes
A quest to find fulfillment.
The through-line of The Let Me Play Project, this podcast documents Sarah's pursuit of learning and allows her to chat in a meaningful way with people she admires. Each episode is based around a noun (idea/concept), and each episode features a guest who embodies that word.
letmeplayproject.substack.com
Presto-change-o! Laura Iseley waves her wand over the LMP Season II finale, conjuring Sarah & her MAGIC!
Sarah's just a pinch of stardust trying to twinkle. She's found many treasures on this second leg of questing, including her once lost MAGIC.
Laura is an artisan who dabbles in many mediums, including – but certainly not limited to – collage, content creation, and cosplay. Laura is Sarah's sister, travel companion, SCUBA buddy, little-treat-encourager, and friend. As much as she might like to be, however, she is not a baby pig. She might, however, turn you into a toad, if given the chance.
~~~ Read more about Laura and follow along on our quest here! ~~~
Tag along with Sarah on her ventures @sarah_final_v.1 on Instagram and @justmisssarah on TikTok.
And get crafty with Laura by climbing her LinkTree.
Select referenced people and materials: LMP Episode II.IV CRAFT with Laura Iseley; NYC poet j.d.b.; Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022); The Fall(2006); Some Like it Hot (1959)
All music for the podcast lovingly created by Ian T. Jones.
Thanks for playing!
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit letmeplayproject.substack.com
Challenging CHANGE this week is Sarah's Pre-K pal, Clay Jones!
Clay is a free-spirited, multi-passionate, creative individual who, among many things, adores writing and witchcraft and Japanese culture. Clay is Sarah's longest held friend, having met in preschool, and Sarah can always count on Clay for a good story and a little adventure.
~~~ Read more about Clay and follow along on our quest here!** ~~~
Tumble through Clay’s personal blog as well as her art blog on Tumblr and check out more of her art on Instagram as well as snaps from her many lives.
Select referenced materials: TARA Theatre in Atlanta, GA; Decision to Leave (2022); Studio Ghibli Museum; Charlotte White Water Center; Sarah’s NERF contest commercial from 2010; Marcel the Shell with Shoes On (2021); My Octopus Teacher (2020)
All music for the podcast lovingly created by Ian T. Jones.
Thanks for playing!
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit letmeplayproject.substack.com
In a flourish of FAITH, Jaye Davidson returns to LMP!
Jaye is a writer, professor, and filmmaker as well as mother to a sweet baby named Auburn. Sarah and Jaye have gone on many adventures together and plan to embark on many more.
~~~ Read more about Jaye and follow along on our quest here!** ~~~
Jaye is (maybe too?) active on Facebook. You can also read more about Jaye’s film, The Lady Edison, on the film’s official website and on its Facebook page.
Select referenced people and materials: Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022); His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman; Contemporary Philosopher Sam Harris; Obituary of Liza Fletcher; The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis; CODA (2021)
All music for the podcast lovingly created by Ian T. Jones.
Thanks for playing!
~ If you enjoyed this episode, please "Like" it in your favorite podcast app! And if you love to play along, save The Let Me Play Project Podcast as one of your favorite shows! ~
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit letmeplayproject.substack.com
Shining her light on SHAME this week is Tova Rinah!
Tova walks many paths of life, including teacher, singer/songwriter, and member of the believing community. Sarah met Tova serendipitously while having coffee with their mutual friend – and previous LMP guest – Jaye Davidson.
~~~ Read more about Tova and follow along on our quest here! ~~~
All music for the podcast lovingly created by Ian T. Jones.
Thanks for playing!
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit letmeplayproject.substack.com
*SPOILER ALERT: IT IS STRONGLY ADVISED THAT YOU VERSE-JUMP INTO THE VERSION OF YOU THAT HAS WATCHED EEAAO BEFORE READING THIS ARTICLE OR LISTENING TO THIS EPISODE OF THE PODCAST.*
On our third Side Quest, Dan Eubanks taps back into the LMP-verse to tell us tales from his experience working on the movie Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022).
Dan is an Assistant Director, film photographer, & cinephile. He's worked on a wide range of projects, including the series For All Mankind and Sorry to Bother You (2018). Sarah met Dan working on Harold and the Purple Crayon (2023).
~~~ Read more about Dan and follow along on our quest here! ~~~
All music for the podcast lovingly created by Ian T. Jones.
Thanks for playing!
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit letmeplayproject.substack.com
Flying in with PRESENCE this week is Dan Eubanks!
Dan is an Assistant Director, film photographer, & cinephile. He's worked on a wide range of projects, including Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022) and Sorry to Bother You (2018). Sarah met Dan working on Harold and the Purple Crayon (2023).
~~~ Read more about Dan and follow along on our quest here! ~~~
All music for the podcast lovingly created by Ian T. Jones.
Thanks for playing!
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit letmeplayproject.substack.com
Getting CRAFTY with LMP this week is Laura Iseley!
Laura is an artisan who dabbles in many mediums, including – but certainly not limited to – collage, content creation, and cosplay. Laura is Sarah's sister, travel companion, SCUBA buddy, little-treat-encourager, and friend. As much as she might like to be, however, she is not a baby pig.
~~~ Read more about Laura and follow along on our quest here! ~~~
All music for the podcast lovingly created by Ian T. Jones.
Thanks for playing!
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit letmeplayproject.substack.com
Sharing his story of INTEGRITY with LMP this week is Joshua H.B. Dennard!
Joshua is a storyteller and multi-passionate individual with a big ol' heart and buckets full of wisdom. He is based in ATL and is the co-founder of an independent production company called J19 Global Entertainment. Sarah crossed paths with Joshua while he was working as an Assistant Editor on a movie.
~~~~ Read more about Joshua and follow along on our quest here! ~~~~
All music for the podcast lovingly created by Ian T. Jones.
Thanks for playing!
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit letmeplayproject.substack.com
Helping LMP catch fire in the New Year, Sarah is featured on the SPARKED Podcast hosted by Jonathan Fields of The Good Life Project!
This quest, should you choose to accept it, can be completed in three steps:
-
UNDERSTAND SPARKETYPES (Read Side Quest II Substack article or visit Sparketype.com)
-
LISTEN TO THE SPARKED PODCAST (Available on most streaming platforms)
-
HEED MY THOUGHTS (Listen to this episode)
What fun! A big thanks to Jonathan, Jenny, and the rest of the Braintrust Team for giving such care and insight to my question, for making my Moment truly special, and for inspiring me to play on in the New Year.
Follow this link to submit your own moment to the SPARKED Podcast!
Happy New Year & Thanks for playing!
If you enjoyed this episode, please "Like" it in your favorite podcast app! And if you love to play along, save The Let Me Play Project Podcast as one of your favorite shows!
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit letmeplayproject.substack.com
Marching to the beat of his own drum, Ian T. Jones joins our quest to chime in on CADENCE!
Read more about Ian and follow along on our quest here!
All music for the podcast lovingly created by Ian T. Jones himself.
Thanks for playing!
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit letmeplayproject.substack.com
We’re blasting off again! And launching us off, loud and proud, is my college buddy and delightful example of CHARACTER, Tanner Methven!
Read more about Tanner and follow along on our quest here!
All music for the podcast lovingly created by Ian T. Jones.
Thanks for playing!
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit letmeplayproject.substack.com
Bringing closure to the inaugural season of LMP, Jeremy Thao returns to host a special episode featuring Sarah!
I certainly didn’t have it on my 2022 Bingo card, but, this year, I reclaimed the word “worth.” This reclamation was a three-step process:
Step One: Challenge Accepted
It all started with Michelle Khare’s Challenge Accepted Academy. I enrolled in this month long program to motivate me to publicly launch LMP by the end of the 30 days. I expected accountability and incentive through the program, but I didn’t expect the semi-spiritual, therapeutic rabbit hole that I wound up falling through. One tunnel in this rabbit hole was a challenge to “reclaim” a “power word” – a word directly related to our challenge that we didn’t think we deserved and that could fit into the blank in the statement:
I am not _________ enough.
I had a hard time coming up with the right word to encompass the discomfort I felt towards launching the podcast and throwing a party for myself because everything I could think of seemed illogical or solvable. After testing several words out, I got a tiny, niggling gut feeling when I swapped in the word worthy. It wasn’t a particularly strong feeling. (To be honest, I thought the whole exercise was a bit cheesy.) But I felt some type of way about it, so I went with worthy and wrote the exercise off as complete.
Cut to:
INT. SARAH’S “A-SPARSE-MENT” – 15 days later – Dusk
Sarah, visibly stressed, sits on her couch, penning an exercise in her Challenge Accepted Academy notebook. Ghibli lofi music plays from her laptop in an attempt to soothe her.
She writes a few moments then puts her pen down. She smiles down at her notebook, admiring her work.
Then, her smile turns into a smirk. She thinks out loud as she grabs her phone:
SARAH: I should record this…
Sarah starts recording in her “everything-is-A-OK” voice.
SARAH: Hi, friends! Just finished up the Reframing Negative/Limiting Beliefs exercise in the Sidekick. I think I made pretty good progress on it, so I wanted to share my work with you–
Sarah speeds through the first column – listing her negative beliefs. She then proceeds to the second column – reframing each negative belief – but immediately gets choked up before she even finishes reading the first one.
Tears suddenly stream uncontrollably down her face. Where are they coming from? How are they going so fast? She lets them fall and then wipes them away. Finally, she’s able to continue. She starts the second column over –
Nope. The tears are back. The nose joins in, too. Waterworks all around. This drama is unmatched.
Sarah gives the emotion more than enough time to present and to get over itself. It does. She wipes her face and finishes reading through the exercise, voice cracking and eyes puffing all the while. At the end, she looks up at the camera like a deer caught in headlights. She speaks more staccato than normal.
SARAH [frazzled, raw]: Um… I feel really vulnerable right now. Yeah… Let me know how this exercise goes for you!
Sarah stops recording the video and moans.
SARAH [dehydrated]: Ugh, it’d be so annoying to upload this seven minute video in the WhatsApp…
[sigh]
Guess I’m going to anyway.
END.
I knew I was a sucker for melodramatic, moving moments in films, but this dramatic experience assured me that my sensitivity roams far beyond cinema. In all sincerity, though, this Reframing Negative/Limiting Beliefs exercise allowed me to release a lot of negative weight that I was carrying and to replace it with genuine compassion for myself. I felt so much lighter and so much more appreciative of the little things and the small gestures after I let the insecurity go. And I made space to let a little more love in.
The day before graduation from CAA, my classmates and I had a yoga class together on Zoom. At the end of the class, as we rested in Savasana, Michelle encouraged us to reclaim our power words quietly to ourselves. I have never cried during a yoga class before, but I let some happy tears fall as I thought to myself – and truly felt and truly believed – “I am worthy.”
Step Two: Heartbreak
Part of the reason I was worried about planning my launch party was because I thought people wouldn’t come. And part of the reason I thought people wouldn’t come was because “friends” have often politely lied to me or have made promises that they had no intention of keeping in the past.
Although this fear wasn’t really in effect for the launch party (thanks to the positive reframing!), I did notice lack of support in any regard from someone who, theoretically, should have been very close to me and should have wanted to cheer me on. I also noticed that my efforts in friendship were neither reciprocated nor appreciated. And I noticed that I had been replaced.
I acted with as much compassion as I could muster, but upon reflection in light of insecurity, sadness, and jealousy, I couldn’t think of a single way that they had been a friend to me since the New Year. Over the next few weeks, after a handful of small heartbreaks, I decided that it wasn’t healthy for me to continue considering them a friend. So, I closed that box of companionship and took the space I was given by them to grieve and to move on.
Fortunately (or unfortunately), being misunderstood and arguably mistreated eventually leads lifelong learners to growth more often than not. The timing of this particular heartbreak paired well with the genuine love and support I received from the CAA experience. So, instead of breaking me down, it made me develop a sense of what I truly value in relationships, what I deserve from them, and what is not tolerable going forward.
Step Three: Porcupine
I did have a bit of a hole in my heart, but it was soon patched with stickers and friendship when I got to work as a Stand-in on a movie for a character called Porcupine. Being a Stand-in is normally nothing to get jazzed about. It is a step above being an extra and pays about the same as a Production Assistant. But, it is technically a crew position, so you tend to garner more respect, and people are more keen to play with you.
This particular movie was very special to me. It was based on a children’s book that I had a great affinity for. As soon as I saw that the movie was being made and was filming in Atlanta, I knew that I had to work on it. So, I tracked this show for four months, I left my previous show at the end of the year, I submitted to various casting calls, and I hoped for the best.
After much flirting with this show, I one day finally got a call offering me the Stand-in job for Porcupine. I felt a warmth in my heart when I got the confirmation email, almost like I remembered that I was Porcupine all along.
I was a little nervous about my first day of work because I didn’t know anyone on the crew, and I hadn’t been a Stand-in professionally before. However, my nerves were calmed as soon as I started working because my blocking was fun, the people were friendly, and I felt like I was contributing to the creative process. By the end of the night, I felt right at home, and I couldn’t wait for the rest of the days ahead.
There wound up being quite a few days ahead over the next several weeks – 19 of them, in fact – and each of them were the highlights of my weeks. Not all of the days were fun, per se, but by the end of the shoot, I felt like I was good at my job, that my efforts were appreciated, and that I was desirable and wanted just for being myself – which was a touching, much needed feeling after the heartbreak I felt. Being Porcupine’s Stand-in distracted me from my grief, gave me purpose and drive to work, and opened my mind to potential adventures ahead. And, above all, being Porcupine made me feel like me.
In the book that this movie is based on, Porcupine is only on one page, and there are only a few words used to describe her. Though the description is short, it aligns perfectly with the worth I was needing, and I took it to heart. She is aptly described as “a very deserving porcupine.”
So, navigating these three chapters all at once made me confront worthiness in the face. Inevitably, I developed a relationship with worth little by little; laughs were had, tears were shed, and memories were made. I also realized, upon further reflection of the entirety of LMP Season I, that I had explored worth unknowingly through all of the checkpoints I passed through in my podcast and that I had made these findings along the way:
Play is a worthy pursuit
Meaningful investments are worth investing in
Support systems are worthy of strong foundations
Risk of conforming and sacrifice is worth curious questioning
My worthiness is not determined by my creative output
True companionship is worth fighting for
Worthy people and challenges foster appropriate growth
Gratitude is indicative of worthiness
I am worth all of these things and more.
On this quest to find fulfillment, I have first found worth. This discovery is something to be satisfied with, I think, as worth is something I can’t go back to living without. After all, I am a very deserving porcupine.
Thank you so, so much for a beautiful first season! We’ll be back soon for Season II. Until then, be on the lookout for any messenger owls for Side Quests and surprise scrolls.
Pass your information along to our courier owls
Tag along with Sarah on her ventures @sarah_final_v.1 on Instagram and @justmisssarah on TikTok.
You can follow Jeremy on Instagram @jeremythao and on Twitter @jeremy_thao
Referenced people and materials:
LMP Episode I.VI COMPANIONSHIP with Jeremy Thao
Follow Jeremy’s new film, Wokman, on Facebook & Instagram
Watch Sarah’s thesis film, Torn, on YouTube or Vimeo
Artist spotlight project directed by Jeremy & edited by Sarah
All music for the podcast lovingly created by Ian T. Jones.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit letmeplayproject.substack.com
This week, LMP welcomes Kit De Contreras into our arms!
Kit was my first friend in Atlanta. I met her at her housewarming/New Year’s Eve party in 2017, and we have been steady friends ever since. Over the years, we have spent much quality time together – lunching, partying, creating, celebrating, gossiping, aerial silk-ing, rafting, zip-lining – and through this quality time, we have seen each other grow.
Every time I hang out with Kit, I leave energized and inspired – which is rare for an introvert who experiences most hangouts as energetic drains. But Kit truly loves and believes in me, she listens to me with her whole heart, she cheers me on in all of my pursuits, and she even takes part in my assortment of adventurous shenanigans.
Kit has been a sweet companion to me in the past few years that I have known her, and I’ve come to realize that when I think of Kit, above all, I think of how grateful I am to have her in my life.
Until last year, gratitude had always been something that I dismissed. I don’t think I was actively ungrateful, I just wasn’t always conscious of how little I need and how much I appreciate who and what I have to support me.
For the past few years, though, I invested a lot of time into people who did not reciprocate my efforts and into environments where I was not as appreciated as I should have been. I kept finding reasons in each of these situations that I was being too critical or too insensitive to the others’ needs, and the “solution” I kept coming to was to be more appreciative that I was even in the picture.
But this strategy was flawed and not sustainable. It was a negative feedback loop where I consistently devoted my energy to putting my needs and interests below the people that I was desperately trying to attach myself to without matched energetic replenishment in return. The math is simple: in all circumstances, this strategy eventually burned me out.
When I’m burned out, I exit stage-left and head straight to crafty. I binge on metaphorical cheese cubes (which manifests as excessive sleep, random arts and crafts, and often as actual cheese), and then I storm out the stage door and hibernate until I feel like I can audition for another show.
Usually this pivoting and redirection of energy leads me down a road more exciting and leaves me feeling more in tune with myself. But it seemed like everywhere I turned last year, I kept getting shoved in smaller and smaller boxes, and in each box, I felt more and more neglected and less and less known; as my paychecks and skillsets grew, I felt my autonomy drift, and I didn’t particularly like any of the paths that were presented to me; as I became closer to people I admired, they pushed me further away. These encounters were all very confusing, and some of the people I most tried to confide in about my worries simply waved them off with lazy assurances that my financial success was measurable and that I was OK emotionally, I just needed to be more open and mature.
After a year and a half of trying to force myself into various misshapen boxes, I felt largely rejected and misunderstood. But an unexpected companion kept me going – and growing – throughout all of this pressure, doubt, and emotional upheaval and ultimately helped me launch Let Me Play. This unexpected companion was gratitude.
I grew up with people-pleasing Southern hospitality, so expressions of thanks roll off my tongue without much thought. Thanksgiving has also been my favorite holiday for quite some time, so I thought I had an understanding of the sentiment. But this new gratitude that I found was bigger than surface level pleasantries, and it was even bigger than mashed potatoes – it was deeper and more meaningful, and it made my heart ache in the best way, so I knew it came from a place of love.
This gratitude presented itself to me in many ways:
As rainbows, bringing small moments of surprise and wonder and joy
As an owl and a cat, who graced me with their presence while I was deep in my feels on emotional evening walks
As hugs, from people I hadn’t seen in ages and people I’d never touched
As heartfelt music, discovered, shared, and danced to
As quality time, spent intentionally and appreciatively
As meals, shared with family and friends, old and new, across the world
As surprises, unexpected, as they should be
As grateful tears, opening my birthday present from my family after having been rejected by a friend.
As a chocolate cupcake and a tiny, homegrown apple on a paper plate, given to me by a coworker on one of my many last days of work.
As encouragement, when I was scared to complete the skills for my SCUBA checkout dives, to teach, and to compete in Irish Dance.
As adventure, rekindling my play in the jungle and over seas
As shelter, provided by myself, friends, and strangers &
As a gifted silver pendant, inscribed with a “tree of gratitude”
Each of these manifestations of gratitude made my heart ache and sharpened my acuity towards graciousness. It may be a case of frequency illusion or of confirmation bias, but ever since I became attuned to gratitude, I tend to see reminders of it everywhere, and I have become more and more appreciative of smaller and smaller things.
In this moment, these are the things I am most grateful for:
The autonomy to live independently and authentically as myself
The safety in confidence among my friends and peers
The open, reciprocated expression of love in speech, action, & intent
The strong pull towards new projects, adventures, & friends &
The capacity to care, to create, to learn, & to grow
I have so much to be grateful for, and this list only scratches the surface. The more that I focus on gratitude, the warmer and more open I feel and the more love and warmth and openness I can give back into the world.
I’m not sure why my heart opened up to all of this gratitude all of a sudden. Maybe it was a surprise visit from Celebi, maybe it was the result of a heart transplant that I have no memory of, or maybe it was because special people like Kit have welcomed me, just as I am, into their lives with loving arms.
Whatever the reason, I am grateful to be on the path that I am forging for myself, and I am eternally grateful for those who choose to walk beside me.
You can support Kit’s art on Instagram @kit.astro.fee & you can trot along with Meko on Instagram @my.man.meko
All music for the podcast lovingly created by Ian T. Jones.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit letmeplayproject.substack.com
You might remember my chat about Curiosity earlier this year with my good friend, Siân Krubeck. We bantered about many topics, one of which being the concept of Human Design.
Human Design is a self-exploration tool that aims to help one understand himself and to live authentically. It pulls from several traditional disciplines – Western Astrology, Jewish Kabbalah, the Chinese I Ching, the Hindu Chakra System – and also sprinkles in a bit of quantum physics.
Siân’s thoroughness in her research and in her descriptions of my Human Design is very impressive. It is a lot of gibberish information, though, so for us visual learners, refer to the definitions and diagram below as you listen.
Foundations of Human Design:
Human Design suggests that each person is “designed” with 9 energetically driven centersthroughout the body. The centers are affiliated with different aspects of human personality:
HEAD*: Inspiration; ideas – what you think
AJNA: Concrete thinking; data processing – how you think
THROAT: Communication; manifestation – expression of thought
G/SELF: Identity; direction; love – identity of the self
WILL/HEART: Ego; value – capacity to commit
SPLEEN: Intuition; natural instinct – capacity to survive
SACRAL: Life force – capacity to sustain work and to create
EMOTIONAL/SOLAR PLEXUS: Emotion – capacity to feel
ROOT*: Adrenaline; stress – fuels energy in the body
: the* head and the* root are both* pressure centers**, meaning that they are said to pump energy throughout the body
Each center can be either defined – meaning it’s a natural source of energy for the individual – or undefined – meaning that it’s unnatural for the individual to create unique energy in this field, so he’s more likely to receive an undefined center’s energy from others. The combination of the centers’ definitions is said to create the authentic make up of a person.
Additionally, centers can be connectedthrough open gates. Gates are doors that energy can potentially pass through. Each gate represents a different type of potential energy and, like centers, can be either defined (activated) or undefined (unactivated). When activated, energy flows naturally from one gate to another naturally. When unactivated, energy/behavior is mirrored with influence from others. Activated gates are illustrated as either black (conscious resources) or red (unconscious resources). Sometimes gates will be red and black, meaning that those particular gates were activated multiple times and theoretically have connections with magnified potential. The connections from one open gate to another are called channels.
The specific piping (channels) of potentials (gates) to pumps (centers) configures a unique individual with an assigned design type, strategy, and purpose which allow one to lead an authentic life.
Oof. That was a lot of information. Let’s take a look at my Human Design!
Sarah’s Human Design:
Sarah’s Defined Centers:
Head
Ajna
Throat
Spleen
Sacral
Root
Sarah’s Open Gates:
61 (Head: Mystery)
11, 24, 47 (Ajna: Ideas, Rationalization, Realization)
16, 20, 45 (Throat: Skills/Enthusiasm, Presence, Gatherer)
21 (Will/Heart: Hunter/Huntress)
28, 50, 57 (Spleen: Game Player, Values, Intuitive Insight)
22, 30 (Emotional/Solar Plexus: Openness, Recognition of Feelings)
3, 9, 14, 27 (Sacral: Ordering, Detail/Focus, Power Skills, Caring)
60 (Root: Acceptance)
Sarah’s Channels:
60 - 3 (Root - Sacral: quadruple activation, conscious & unconscious)
27 - 50 (Sacral - Spleen: double activation, conscious & unconscious)
57 - 20 (Spleen - Throat: double activation, conscious & unconscious)
24 - 61 (Ajna - Head: quadruple activation, conscious & unconscious)
A lot can be said (and was said!) about my Human Design reading. Overall, I think it’s a fun resource, and I was surprised at how accurate my design seemed to be. My main takeaway from this tool is that I should be confident as I shift roles and gigs and mediums and endeavors and not ashamed of my adaptability; after all, the fulfillment I feel through the unknown and through my undefined self-center was written in the stars.
Thanks so much to Siân for this entertaining and informative reading!
You can follow Siân on Instagram and Twitter @sjkrubeck
Referenced people and materials:
Let Me Play Season I Episode IV: Curiosity with Siân Krubeck
The Definitive Book of Human Design by Ra Uru Hu
A few articles about human design:
Human Design Tools
A Beginner’s Guide to Human Design
Human Design: Were We Coded at Birth?
All music for the podcast lovingly created by Ian T. Jones.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit letmeplayproject.substack.com
Joining the LMP family tree this week is Jaye Davidson!
Jaye is a Gryffindor. She is bold in her speech and in her actions. She stands up for what she believes in and follows through with her decisions. She has a big heart with space enough for people of all walks of life, including Slytherins, such as myself. But what defines Jaye, at least for me, is that she has an innate propensity to grow.
Mine and Jaye’s friendship has seen slow and steady growth. We met as coworkers in August of 2018 but didn’t really become close until the pandemic was in full swing. We bonded on my first day at the office because she recognized that the background in my chosen profile picture was from the East Palisades trail, which she regularly hiked at the time. I flitted in and out of the office as a freelancer, but I always looked forward to our walk breaks and our extended Friday lunches whenever our schedules overlapped.
When we grew out of that office – just before the pandemic started – our friendship manifested instead as phone calls, hikes, lunches, and even as a rock climbing date. We got to know each other on a deeper and more personal level, and we got a sense of how we fit into each other’s lives.
In a way, I saw each of these moments of quality time as a seed of potential ambiguous opportunity. Jaye’s companionship and support is more than enough of a reason to spend time with her, but I also admired her abilities to befriend, to process, and to create, and I was hoping that some of her gregariousness would rub off onto me.
In a short couple dozen months of knowing Jaye, some of these seeds sprouted into unplanned adventure. Through Jaye, I hiked many trails around Atlanta, I ventured to Colombia to teach a Post-Production workshop at her friend’s company, and my sister and I met Jaye and her editor, Tara, in London, UK to celebrate the international premiere of her short film, The Lady Edison, which Jaye was producing and directing when I worked with her.
Over the years, our life paths have changed a lot in very different ways, but the constant thread in our friendship has been our mutual desire to grow independently and to further develop our characters. This trait of reciprocal understanding and appreciation of growth has been indicative of a secure, enduring friendship, and I tend to gravitate towards and rely on friends like Jaye who progress themselves while giving me space to grow into.
Growth has been important to me for as long as I can remember. As a proud lifelong learner, I have always strived for improvement in my endeavors, and I have always been drawn to and sought out people whose pursuits were inspired and not ordered.
Unfortunately, like curiosity, my relationship with growth hasn’t always been met with encouragement. My attempts at genuine growth through study through training and through speech were more often dismissed and scolded than inquired about or understood. I was excluded from academic programs because of my slow pace; I was shamed for trying to learn in my preferred learning style (visual); I was neglected in physical activities because I didn’t begin them with natural ability. And while none of these individual rejections were particularly callous, they tended to cut deep because of a personal truth: I love being a beginner.
Being a beginner is being a vessel for potential. It is exciting to me to start a new activity because each new activity opens up a new world that I can learn about, and each new world challenges me with new skills that I can better myself in. I love being a beginner because I confidently know nothing, making it the opportune time to measure how much I grow.
Growth, though, is a skill. And some areas are easier for me to grow in than others. So far, my growth has been most accelerated in areas of traditional schooling, in professional etiquette, and in acquiring technical career skills. Advancement in these areas has allowed me to provide for myself and to exist outside of a highly regulated system. But part of growth is outgrowing, and part of outgrowing is moving away from people, places, and things that are no longer sources of nourishment. Restraining myself from tending to these decaying plots is hard, especially as companionship withers away. But I’ve recently accepted that my social and emotional centers are the areas that need the most tending to because these centers are unbalanced.
This unbalance distresses me because, in the simplest terms, I am an aspiring sphere. More than anything, I want to be well-rounded enough to have an appreciation for the world I live in and for the people with whom I reside. Luckily, I am fortunate to have friends like Jaye to challenge me to grow in all realms of my life and not just the ones I am comfortable growing in.
Befriending Jaye has been a catalyst for mutual growth. I have helped Jaye across metaphorical and physical stepping stones; Jaye has helped me navigate the “real world” and has challenged me to open up and develop myself on social and emotional levels. We have both been there for each other in times of stress, and we trust that we will continue to be there for each other to celebrate our endeavors and adventures. Though I am not eagerly awaiting time to pass in our friendship, I genuinely can’t wait to watch Jaye and I grow individually, together.
You can read more about Jaye’s film, The Lady Edison, on the film’s official website and on its Facebook page.
Select referenced people and materials:
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator
12 Rules for Life by psychologist Jordan B. Peterson
All music for the podcast lovingly created by Ian T. Jones.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit letmeplayproject.substack.com
Joining the LMP friendship circle this week is Jeremy Thao!
Jeremy is many things. He is an artist, he is an active member of the community, he is a celebrator of the Hmong American people. Jeremy is all of these things and more. But in my books, Jeremy is, above all, a companion.
A companion, to me, is someone who I would choose to have by my side in times of pleasure, peace, and pain. A companion is someone who I can rely on to support me without judgement and someone who both wants and makes the effort to get to know me in the ways I want to be known. A companion is someone who I have a secure attachment to so that we can pick up right where we left off without force. A companion is someone who makes me feel safe and energized simply for being myself around them. A companion is someone I intend to hold onto for as long as possible and who I would be heartbroken to lose. A companion is someone who knows that I intend to be there for them in these ways, just as they are there for me.
Companionship is something I take seriously and hold onto dearly. I only have a handful of companions, and each one means the world to me. I am energized by their successes; I am devastated by their struggles; I feel loved and accepted when they include me in their lives.
But I’ve come to realize that not everyone wants companions – at least, not in every friend they make. People seem to be content with surface level, passing friendships whereas I see each new person as a potential friend for life. I always thought (and still prefer to think) that if I serendipitously crossed paths with someone or worked on a project with someone, then we’d share a beautiful, unique bond that would tie us together, sustaining our friendship indefinitely. Imagine my shock to learn that some people just don’t care.
The realization that friendship is largely environmental, circumstantial, and superficial brought a great deal of clarity to me in my friendship-seeking, but I certainly didn’t like it. And, while it’s totally possible to create and to fight for genuine companionships, it does seem that making acquaintances is more popular, accessible, and easier for people to understand.
Along with this grave realization comes the difficult understanding that some “true friends” are seasonal. This seasonality is the hardest part for me to accept, I think. People tend to come into others’ lives for certain reasons – to encourage, to challenge, to share experiences, to mentor, to play with – but when the seasons change and the initial quest is complete, they often drift apart. Sometimes, of course, this separation is appropriate – it would be a bit silly for an elementary school teacher to regularly check on her students after they have advanced from her class. Most separations that I have experienced, though, seem to originate from laziness, dismissiveness, and apathy. And that apathy hurts. A lot. Every time. I am sensitive. And to be blunt, I have never grieved anything more than the loss of friendship.
So, finding an everlasting friend like Jeremy has been rare, which makes me treasure the times that our paths have crossed so far and encourages me to ensure that our paths continue to cross in the future. We are all better for the positive people we let into our lives, and we all deserve to have companions who love us for who we are. I am proud to say that I am better for befriending Jeremy. I am excited to watch him grow as a person and as an artist, and I can’t wait for the adventures in our friendship that await for us ahead.
You can follow Jeremy on Instagram @jeremythao and on Twitter @jeremy_thao
Referenced people and materials:
Follow Jeremy’s new film, Wokman, on Facebook & Instagram
11 Alive story featuring Jeremy
Artist spotlight project directed by Jeremy & edited by Sarah
Children’s book author, Meg Fleming
All music for the podcast lovingly created by Ian T. Jones.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit letmeplayproject.substack.com
*This article is currently incomplete but will be updated!*
Gracing the LMP stage this week is Brenton Burgess!
Brenton is a creative. He gesticulates madly when excited. He roams the world on a vampiric schedule. He takes great pride in his hair and his ever-present suits. Oh, and he is also a writer-director.
Like many of the guests on the podcast, I like to think that I met Brenton exactly when I needed to. We connected at the beginning of 2021 through a short film called The Bad Man. He needed an editor, I needed to creatively edit; it was zeal at first Zoom.
I am naturally “creative” in that I have an innate need to put authentic, creative work into the world. I love making art in a variety of mediums; I love telling stories; I love seeing others’ reactions to my creations. I appreciate both the tangibility and permanence of handmade things – such as the planners that I create for myself each month with stamps or any of my sister’s crafts – as well as the unique and impermanent experiences the immersive mediums of filmmaking, music, and theatre devise. Creativity is an integral part of me. It is something I cannot live without. But I have only recently decided that I consider myself a creative person.
There are strong, positive correlations between my capacity to create in an environment, the appreciation of my creative efforts, and my level of satisfaction in the situations in which I create. When these connections are strong, I feel a sense of creative confidence that allows me to express myself freely and authentically. When the connections are weak or severed, I am discouraged to create and am often not able to create at all.
The time period when these connections held strongest in me was in preschool and elementary school, where many assignments were crafts, many electives were artistic, and many extracurriculars were creative play. I would venture to believe that almost all people feel most creatively free as children, but it wasn’t evident to me that other people were as sensitive to the dwindling creativity levels each progressing school year as was I.
One of the ways that my sensitivity to dwindling creativity manifested as was dwindling grades in my strongest subjects. I have always loved writing. And I have always considered myself a good writer. However, my scholastic writing assessments did not always reflect my writing ability. In elementary school, I was in the Young Writers program several years, and I scored perfect and near-perfect marks on the writing tests that prompted students to create a narrative. I looked forward to these creative writing assessments and projects as opportunities for me to tell stories, and I was always warm and fuzzy to know that my stories were well received.
Things changed after the fourth grade – the first year of the standardized non-fiction writing test. Opportunities for creative writing within the curriculum disappeared and were replaced with 5-paragraph, argumentative essay writing lessons. My writing assessment scores fell, and, year after year, my ability to complete the tests in the allotted time waned as the prompts shifted towards increasingly tense and political subjects that I felt I understood nothing about. By the time I applied for college and took the SAT, the ACT, and a slew of AP tests, my standardized writing assessment scores averaged around 50%. Writing was no longer fun.
All the while, I knew that I was a good writer. My Language Arts teachers enjoyed reading my work. My lexile level was high. I got several awards in English. I never received less than 100% on the grammar sections of the SAT/ACT, and I always finished these sections with plenty of time to spare. I was told I was a good writer. Yet I was told my writing wasn’t good enough.
These mixed messages about my creative ability were confusing, and they extended to all of my creative pursuits. I loved music, but I lost interest when I stopped being challenged and never progressed past All-County. I loved dance, but I didn’t have enough classical training or technique to be on the dance team. I loved theatre and desperately wanted to learn about it, but the theatre department at my school fell apart, and I was rejected from Governor’s School because they only had enough room for people who already had experience. It seemed like every branch of creativity that I reached for snapped at my touch. And so, at the end of 12 years of public schooling, I no longer believed that I was a creative person.
Meeting Brenton was one of the inciting incidents that led me to reclaim my creative nature. Working with him over the course of a year allowed me to regard Brenton as a friend instead of just a collaborator, which is an accolade only an unfortunate number of the people with whom I work with share. Moreover, Brenton’s patience and trust in my creative process, his vocal support of my work, and his consistent encouragement and belief in me as a person have helped me to grow more attuned to myself and to reawaken my passion for authentic creation. For all of these things – but mostly for his willingness to buy me cheesecake – my fondness for Brenton, and all of his creative energy, holds strong and is very much appreciated.
You can try to find Brenton online, but he tends to hide from the Internet. However, you can read more about his production company, Time Fray Productions, here.
Select referenced people and materials:
Notes from the Underground by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Gustav Klimt, Austrian Symbolist painter
Harold Prince, American theatre producer & director
All music for the podcast lovingly created by Ian T. Jones.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit letmeplayproject.substack.com
Curling up into the LMP corner this week is my fun friend, Siân Krubeck!
Siân is a curious cat. She is compassionate yet firm. She is zany yet composed. She is vivacious yet solitary. She is all sorts of confounding traits juxtaposed into one beautiful soul, and she is fascinating.
Of the many things to admire about Siân, she possesses this entrancing quality to welcome and to comfort those around her. She puts people at ease and creates a space where they can open up and be vulnerable as well as crack jokes and be merry. What’s more, she creates these spaces effortlessly through her genuine inquisitiveness; she asks compelling and thought provoking questions that get straight to the heart of the matter.
Getting to know Siân attuned my interest in getting to know myself. I made an effort to be fully present and immersed in our conversations because she devotes herself completely to those she chooses to spend her time with. As a self-proclaimed professional mimic, I did my best to ask her insightful questions and to respond to her inquiries thoughtfully, though each question she asked seemed to confront me with winding philosophical trail systems I was unsure how to traverse.
This pleasant interrogation tactic – paired with her passions for creative writing and video editing as well as with her affinity for all things Ghibli – allowed me to build trust in Siân and to realize that she had something I had misplaced: curiosity.
I have always known curiosity to be integral to how I go about life. It informs most decisions I make, and it illuminates the path I’m meant to travel on. Curiosity is alluring and attractive and magnetic.
Like a magnet, I am naturally pulled towards people, things, and environments that I am curious about. Even if there is no personal interest involved, I can’t help but wonder about how things work and why people find themselves on the paths they are on. And I can’t help but notice that people generally like to talk about their interests and that I am energized when listening to how passionate they are towards them.
I suppose inquiry is a sort of energetic gamble: I wager some of my energy by asking a question; the person has an opportunity to use that energy to respond in an authentic way; I receive energy based on the authenticity of their response, and I use that response to judge if I can ask another question. If both parties are mutually interested, then this process is a wealth of energy to me, and I love to use it to acquaint, to learn, and to feel inspired. In fact, just yesterday, I found myself in a lengthy conversation about disk golf, of which I knew next to nothing about but now would be very interested to try.
However, if I am the only one putting effort into inquiry, and my questions are met with dismissive statements, then I am drained of energy at twice the speed and am discouraged from further questioning. In Pokémon terms, the energy drain is “super effective.”
Unfortunately, this drainage was prevalent throughout my schooling in personal, academic, and extracurricular settings. I was told that my questions were “weird,” that it was funny when I needed extra clarification on one topic versus another, and that my rate of learning was too slow to put effort into. These seemingly benign interactions led me to feel largely misunderstood because in all of these scenarios I was just trying to grow.
Over the years, my curiosity shifted and became less of a genuine interest and more of a defense mechanism. I trained myself to ask the questions that would prevent the most humiliation (i.e., to improve comprehension or to suit the ego of the other person), and I used my curiosity to deflect the focus off of me and back onto the subject at hand. I felt my energy levels deplete in a slow, fatal drip, and I noticed that the curiosity that I would have – and should have – felt in places of high stimulation and excitement were eventually replaced with apathy.
This apathy has been present in relationships. It has been present in scholastic opportunity. It has been present in work environments. It has been present in daily life. In each of these settings, once I figured out how to act in “good behavior” or “at a satisfactory level,” then I just didn’t care to continue.
It wasn’t until I existed outside of the school system and moved to a larger town that my genuine curiosity started to resurface. I learned a lot of life skills out of necessity. I found that Atlanta offers a lot of cool classes and opportunities for adult students lifelong learners, such as myself. I met a lot of compelling and kind people that expressed interest and invested in me as I expressed interest and invested in them.
All of these novel experiences, and all of these sweet people, have encouraged me to tend to my curiosity with nourishment rather than protection.
So, I’m trying to nourish my curiosity through my podcast and through my physical activities and through my creative work. And I’m starting to play with the effects of curiosity on closeness and companionship.
Admittedly, I tend to lose interest in chasing intimacy with people when they make more assumptions than they ask questions or when my effort to befriend is not reciprocated. Lucky for me, though, Siân Krubeck is not “people.” Siân is simply Siân. And because of her communicativeness, her openness, her wit, and her wisdom, I’ll happily chase Siân ‘round and ‘round til my heart is full, my legs give out, and my mind is at peace.
You can follow Siân, and all of her romantic writing endeavors, on Instagram and Twitter @sjkrubeck
Referenced people and materials:
StarTalk with Neil deGrasse Tyson
Blue Peter
“Stoopidly expensive” SimpleHuman Stainless Steel Trashcans
A couple of articles about human design:
A Beginner’s Guide to Human Design
Human Design: Were We Coded at Birth?
Take courses online through Coursera
All music for the podcast lovingly created by Ian T. Jones.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit letmeplayproject.substack.com
Sailing into this week, the S.S. LMP welcomes Terry Linehan aboard!
To put it bluntly, Terry is a teddy bear. Terry is a comfort, he is a great listener, and he gives affectionate bear-hugs. Everyone should have a friend like Terry by their side.
I had the pleasure of learning under Terry as a Film Studies student at the University of North Carolina at Wilmington. In my experience, Terry is the person students can go to for a good chat or for counsel or for creative collaboration or for celebration of their achievements. He constantly finds the good in the circumstances laid out in front of him. And he really listens and truly cares about what his students have to say.
After 22 years of instruction at UNCW, Terry is now sailing off to the calmer waters of retirement. In the 22 years he devoted to education, I think most would agree that Terry’s genuine interest in and support of the people he comes into contact with led him to secure places in the hearts of his students and his peers.
Personally, I felt like I could come to Terry with any proposition or question, and he would welcome me with open arms. Terry also inspired me with his desire to create. Terry helped me navigate several internships, which ultimately gave me the foundation I needed to enter the film industry post-graduation. Terry wrote a recommendation letter for me. Terry encouraged me to grow, and he gave me the space to grow into. Terry ardently supported me, and I am forever grateful for his support.
Support is a thing, I’ve come to realize, that I’ve often swept to the wayside and have often taken for granted. I am a very stubborn independent person, so the thought of needing or even wanting help has usually left a bitter taste in my mouth. In my mind, if I couldn’t achieve something on my own, I was a failure, and if I asked for the help I needed, I was a burden.
I’m not sure where this mentality comes from. Perhaps it comes with being the eldest (as Sophie Hatter from Howl’s Moving Castle might say). Perhaps it comes with hubris rooted in self-sufficiency.
Either way, I rarely asked for help growing up because – like the Little Red Hen – I learned that I could do (and preferred to do) most things myself. And I never fully appreciated the support that I was given because, on a subconscious level, I didn’t think that I deserved it.
Interestingly, this hyper-independent mentality does not bode well in an industry founded upon group projects.
While it’s totally possible (and encouraged!) to create in a solitary way, moviemaking on a large scale is a community effort. The industry is composed of people from all walks of life and is one of only a few industries that has a place for everyone, regardless of training or background. Ultimately, this breadth of background means that a lot of different people with a lot of different personality traits, quirks, annoyances, and ways of working come together to raise each cinematic barn.
It is a huge effort to make a movie. Even on small-scale/independent productions, a film must pass through the years-long process of Development, Principal Photography, and Post-Production. After the film is made, then it has to be strategically distributed for it to be seen. And before Development even begins, there has to be a story to tell and a person who wants to tell it. For those reasons – and for many, many more – it is a marvel to me that any movie ever gets made.
But working in this industry has been good for me. It aligns with my project-based motivation. It gives me freedom to work on projects I am interested in, to set my own schedule, and to hop around to different jobs. It allows me to create. And it has taught me many lessons, two of which are:
Always say “thank you” &
Don’t be afraid to ask for help
The latter might be more accurately phrased as “ask for help as soon as you know that you need it because if you don’t, you’re inevitably going to hold up production or cost the studio money or have someone upset with you.”
Regardless of the sentiment, I’ve found that, in general, people want to help. But in order for people to help, you have to ask.
And asking for help is humbling. I feel gross and vulnerable every time I express a need, and I often catch myself ending my asks with “…if you want to,” or “…if that works for you,” or “…if that’s OK.”
This instinct to accommodate rather than to treat has done more harm to me than good, I think, even though it comes from a sincere place. On one hand, it seems like the “polite” way to interact because the last thing I want to do is to get in the way or to be a distraction. But on the other hand, it leads more often to feelings of neglect or of misunderstanding because the addition of the dependent clause dampens the expression of my need and puts the emphasis on the other person instead of on myself.
And I don’t want the emphasis to be on myself. I would much rather help someone else them have someone else help me. But sometimes I need help. And so sometimes I have to ask. And when I ask, my desires have to be clear.
And honestly, asking for help in a clear, direct way has worked wonders. I fully funded and produced my Honors Thesis project at UNCW by asking for help. I often get the items I need but don’t want to buy for myself as Christmas or birthday gifts because I made a wishlist. I hustled my way into getting to go to LA for a couple of weeks because I wanted to finish the work that I had started. I’m able to have these treasures of podcasts because I ask each guest to chat with me.
Time and time again, vocalizing my needs has proven to work in my favor. And time and time again, I am pleasantly surprised with the warmth I receive in response. Whether it be a gifted vacuum cleaner or a physical presence to cheer me on or a simple message of encouragement, these expressions of support show me that the people behind them truly care.
So, learning to ask for help has been hard even though I want to support others and I want to be and to feel supported myself. My comfort level and ability to ask seem to be contextual and ever-changing. But, of the few people who I have always felt comfortable asking for help from, I am pleased to say that Terry Linehan is one.
After our recent chat, Terry reached out with a resonant last thought:
The only thing I didn't really talk about in our conversation is the motto I've tried to live by and aspire to as an educator and that is something I tell my students... "I work for you." It is my job to hold student's well-being and education above all - above my own professional pursuits, above my work for the Film Studies department or the university. Caring about students and caring for students - supporting them - to use our word of the day, is the reason higher education exists in the first place, I believe. Professors should not be here to show students how clever they are. I believe we're here to open doors and prepare students to walk through those doors to fulfill their potential. We should be behind and beside our students for life.
A lovely, lasting sentiment from a lovely person.
Thank you, Terry, for your support as an educator, for your work as a filmmaker, and for your warmth as a friend. Wishing you all the best in your next season of life!
You can keep up with Terry’s cinematic work on IMDB. And you can even directly send a scroll to him at: linehant@me.com
Referenced people and materials:
UNCW Film Studies
Cucalorus Film Festival
Yemen Coffee
All music for the podcast lovingly created by Ian T. Jones.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit letmeplayproject.substack.com
Welcome back, friends! Our guest this week is my delightful financial advisor, Colin Caldarera!
Colin is a ray of sunshine in a suit. Or a sweater. Or a band uniform. Regardless of the garment, Colin’s sunny disposition always shines through.
Colin has been in my corner for three years. In that time, he has built up my economic lexicon. He has set me up for future financial security. And, most importantly, he has thoughtfully sent me adorable birthday and Christmas cards each year that we’ve been friends.
We met in a sort of espionage-esque way. Through a mutual friend, Colin and I scheduled my initial financial consultation at his suburban-skyscraper-office-atop-a-hill. On this quest, I gathered my scrolls of budgeting, I braved the Atlanta traffic, and I scaled the building up to his floor, to which I had to take two elevators to reach.
Colin greeted me with pleasantries but soon spoke in tongues when he launched into his personal finance PowerPoint. He nodded and smiled throughout, though, so I nodded and smiled as well. I think I held my ground.
The meeting wound up going very well, and I came out of it with a shiny, new Roth IRA and a couple of other exciting financial prospects. I also came out of it a little more financially literate and a little more assured that I was capable of being a Functioning Human™.
Admittedly, I was quite skeptical embarking on this financial counseling journey. I had no financial education and absolutely no understanding of the stock market, so I knew that I was prime swindling material. It also didn’t help that my perception of financial professionals was purely influenced by Lyle, the sleazy insurance sales-otter from Animal Crossing.
Needless to say, my skeptical, stubborn self was greatly in need of financial counsel, and I am forever grateful that Colin was patient enough to provide it.
Three years later, I found myself wanting to confide in Colin about my pursuits of positive chaos. I was a titch nervous about having to explain that I was planning to pass up on a lifestyle of stable financial growth to live as if I was retired with no real income in sight. I also felt a lot of guilt for relying on my projected 2021 tax returns as part of my income for 2022.
Colin and I met for coffee, and I came in arms-down, ready to admit my financial faux pas. But every time I was sure I was going to be politely chastised, I was met with open arms and supportive inquiry. We had a delightful conversation, and it assured me of two things:
I missed meaningful, long-form conversation &
My interests and ideas are worth pursuing
I noticed that I had a strong case of the zoomies after our coffee-date, and I think it was only partially because of the caffeine. I think that surrounding yourself with people who genuinely want the best for you and want to see you succeed is energizing.
So, I’ve been paying attention to my energy levels and to the activities that I’ve been up to and to the people who I’ve been spending time with. It should be no surprise that I feel the most attuned to my endeavors when I not only can do the things I want to do but can share my experiences with people who are excited for me and are invested in my journey.
It is refreshing to know that investment can be more than financial. I think a worthy investment is determined both by the time devoted to it and by the energy gained from the time devoted. By these measures, my quest to find fulfillment is totally worth investing in:
My physical training is worth investing in.
My companions are worth investing in.
My creativity is worth investing in.
My mind is worth investing in.
I am worth investing in.
It is a noble pursuit to invest in oneself. It is also a pursuit that often gets overlooked. I hope that you, dear Reader, have at least one source of energy and joy to which you can devote yourself. And if not, you should invest more in yourself because you, too, are a worthy investment.
You can follow Colin, and all of his financial endeavors, on LinkedIn and on Instagram @ccaldarera1.
Referenced people and materials:
Piedmont Wealth Partners
“How to Buy Happiness” (Article referencing wealth/happiness study)
Star Trek
All music for the podcast lovingly created by Ian T. Jones.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit letmeplayproject.substack.com
Kicking off the LMP Podcast, we have none other than Joe Binford!
Joe is a film-making-soccer-playing-world-romping bundle of positive chaos. He finds joy in the little things, and he brings excitement to the world around him. His laugh is infectious, and his spontaneity is out-of-the-park. In sum, Joe is a hoot-and-a-half.
It’s kismet for Joe to be the first guest on the LMP Podcast. In the short months that I had the pleasure of working with him, Joe and I shared scores of meaningful conversations, donned a choice selection of wigs, and went on many a wild golf cart ride. We danced and sang and paraded in the hallways. We held planks, lost (and rescued found) Frisbee’s, and swung on the swing at the studio backlot.
At the end of the day, I met Joe exactly when I needed to, in exactly the right context; Joe not only allowed me to play, he encouraged it.
Play has always been integral to my identity, but I learned to suppress my playfulness because assuming character traits like “mature” or “kind” seemed to attract more praise from my teachers. I always looked for the comment “a pleasure to have in class” on my progress reports, if that’s any indication of my desire to people-please.
As a kid, I was also discouraged from playing in the ways that I liked to for silly reasons. I was kicked off of multiple playgrounds for being “too tall.” I was pulled out of extracurricular activities because I was “too old” to be a beginner. I was kept outside of groups and clubs because I didn’t immediately fit in or I wasn’t skilled enough to compete or I just didn’t want to compete (literally, I just wanted to play).
I’m not really sure why my play was so policed. Part of it could be a benign consequence of growing up in a safe, small town. Part of it could be that my compliance made me an easy target. Part of it could be oversensitivity. None of these individual experiences were particularly traumatic, but I think they each chipped away at my innately playful nature. Regardless, I was hurt by these minute rejections as a kid because my intentions towards my play were always pure.
Now that I have been living independently of a system for a little while, I have started to take down some of the walls that I built around myself. I know that gravity is supposedly on my side in this metaphor, but I’m convinced that constructing the walls was much less of a feat than tearing them down has proven to be.
Thus far, three things have helped me feel more in touch with my playfulness:
Giving myself permission to take up space in the environments I choose,
Working on creative, fulfilling projects, either for myself or for others, &
Surrounding myself with people who want to play with me.
So, I’ve learned to treasure the people that I can be playful around. It is a privilege to see someone play, and I think it is a beautiful thing to share play with another.
I’m happy to say that Joe is someone I can be playful with. For that reason, and for so many more, Joe really “hits the rent,” and I am forever grateful for our friendship.
You can follow Joe, and all of his creative endeavors, on Instagram @directingwithaneditorseye.
Referenced people and materials:
Michelle Khare
Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell
The Lost Daughter(2021)
All music for the podcast lovingly created by Ian T. Jones.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit letmeplayproject.substack.com
Hear ye, hear ye!
In this Prologue to the Let Me Play project, Sarah introduces herself, speaks a little about her inspirations for embarking on her self-exploration journey, and provides some general context for the show.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit letmeplayproject.substack.com