American Arsenology: Recent Episodes
American Arsenology
Arsenal Match Reviews In 30 Minutes or Less. Arsenal Football Club have the youngest team in the Premier League. Join us as we uncover the key takeaways and big moments in the hunt for top 4. It's American Arsenology, a podcast drenched in absinthe, wrapped in guitars, and layered with comedic interludes. "When the Going Gets Weird, The Weird Turn Pro"
Brought to you by Clarence Thomas' best friend. Nervous energy at the Emirates, and the psychological impact from the loss against Crystal Palace cuts deeper than we may have first realized. Concerns exist around Arteta going full-on Trumpian again in his handling of interpersonal relationships, as The Curse of Djed Spence is well and truly upon us. Questions are asked about Albert Sambi Lokonga's future at the club. And, for those expecting a return of Nuno Tavares this season, don't hold your breath. Win, lose, or draw, we support the Arsenal, but even a scarecrow with no brain would have recognized the likely outcome of Arteta's gamble on Lacazette.
Brought to you by Will Smith: And you wanted to play Thomas Partey? The Curse of Djed Spence haunts Arsenal's top-4 push. Given where we're at in the season and current squad depth, a call for more Rob Holding. A spotlight on the relationship between Granit Xhaka and Albert Sambi Lokonga. A nod to Ainsley Maitland-Niles and Calum Chambers as the thinness of the squad is revealed. And just how long can we continue making pink panther jokes about Lacazette. A long while it seems. Join us.
Brought to you by Piers Morgan's Infatuation. Thomas Partey is in the best form of his Arsenal career since the well-intentioned but ill-fated return against Liverpool. Credit given to Bernd Leno for stepping up, but his performance underlines the massive levels between himself and Aaron Ramsdale. Arsenal's technical security on the ball is the difference in this one. And American Arsenology considers one final solution for boosting Alexander Lacazette's fitness and sharpness in front of goal: hiring him his own personal Cato Fong.
Brought to you by The Fresh Prince of Krobo Odumase. Gabriel Martinelli shines as one of the up-and-coming young striker's in world football, and Mikel gets praise for his man management of the Brazilian prodigy. Benjamin White is of such quality that he makes Cedric Soares look like a half-decent footballer. We put the microscope on another exclusion of Emile Smith Rowe, how Aaron Ramsdale will feel he should have done better on the 1st goal, and despite the loss to Liverpool, praise for Mikel Arteta as he works to dissolve the culture of comfort at Arsenal.
Brought to you by Molly Adam's Pillows. We look at the need for Tomiyasu's return for the final stretch run, Granit Xhaka's more advanced role as a no. 8 as of late, why ESR is more suited for the job, and ponder if it's time to start giving the Kroenke's some dap for sticking with and backing Mikel Arteta.
Arsenal's kick-about with Brentford brought to you by WWIII. 43 crosses and the tea leaves reading DCL. John Moss waves the equivalent of the Blue Lives Matter flag for Premier League referees. Gabriel Magalhaes our Big Poppa. Xhaka is snubbed on the captaincy, and the Croydon Bobby Firmino sounds enticing.
Brought to you by: The Gazpacho. With both Xhaka and Partey on yellows after 45' surely Sambi will feature? No. Arteta sets his sights on a higher caliber player than Ruben Neves. Analysis on Arteta and Edu's handling of the striker situation in the race for top 4. The best decision Mikel Arteta has ever made as AFC Manager was insisting on Aaron Ramsdale. Every match from here on out truly is a Cup final...
Brought to you by: Paramount Pictures Presents Short-Shorts and The Douche. Starring John Stockton and Aaron Rodgers. 34 crosses on the day and missing Big Bill Saliba. No justice for Gabriel Magalhães as refrains from simulation. Aaron Ramsdale looks to rediscover his form in the dunes of Dubai. Laca's lack of quality to put the game to bed. And finally, an ask of Arsenal World's bipolar fanbase to take their lithium, put on a retro adidas jacket, a pair of blue blockers, and grab a pint of their finest local brew while seeking perspective.
Brought to you by: The African Cup of Nations. The only competition where the refs are worse than in England. Martin Ødegaard orchestrating like a footballing maestro. Gabriel Martinelli struggles against TAA. Lacazette runs out of gas, again. A call to give Martinelli minutes up top as a central striker. Early elimination from the domestic cups is a pockmark on the campaign, and reflection on the importance of guaranteeing Europa League football for our youngsters next season.
Brought to you by Mugsmashers False-Positive Testing: A test for every league cup game. If Granit Xhaka had one leg and an eye-patch Mikel Arteta would still start him. Flashpoints galvanize both teams in their recent encounters, but Arteta comes under scrutiny for his handling of the AFCON window. Bukayo Saka proves why there are clickbait stories linking him to Liverpool. Arsenal's young guns pass a big time gut check in the belly of the beast.
Brought to you by Fielding a side with an average age of 23, Arsenal miss Granit Xhaka, as Jack Colback needs slapping. Arteta puts the spotlight of shame on Nuno Tavares after Djed Spence does the business to both him and Gabriel Martinelli. Eddie Nketiah is disconnected and fails to impress. Sambi impresses at Anfield connecting 93% of his passes on the day. The young guns are eliminated in a match where senior leadership is severely lacking.
Brought to you by Microsoft Powerpoint, helping you organize and animate your coup one slide at a time. Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang has more disciplinary issues and fails to uphold the values of the captaincy. Sambi Lokonga and Granit Xhaka still haven't played together since August. Rob Holding unveils his new rug and it is glorious, as Aaron Ramsdale's usual water-tight backline looks less secure as of late. The ESR/Martinelli conundrum begins in full as Mikel Arteta evaluates his best no. 11.
Brought to you by Omicron, you ain't seen nothing yet. After his brilliant and best performance in an Arsenal shirt against Newcastle, Sambi Lokonga is dropped for both the Manchester United and Everton matches. Nuno Tavares is playing well but Keira Tierney is the superior player as Arsenal really struggle in the opening 45'. Nico Pepe is still an outcast, having played only 5 minutes in the last 7 Premier League games. Alexander Lacazette frustrates and there's a call for Eddie Nketiah on line 1. The U-shaped attack is back as Arsenal play some of the worst football of the campaign.
Brought to you by psychopathic cats: everyone goes a little crazy. Eddie Howe sets up his team to defend the wide channels in numbers. We see glimpses of a new Mikel Arteta as he gives Nuno Tavares another start after his rocky performance against Liverpool. Albert Sambi Lokonga runs the show and has his best performance in an Arsenal shirt. Bukayo Saka takes the game by the scruff of it's neck and ensures the Gun gets all 3 points. Aubameyang continues to struggle but where does the blame belong? Gabriel Martinelli produces one of the finest Arsenal goals of any era.
Brought to you by Aaron Rogers, maggot. Arsenal's center-backs shine as Benjamin White's class bubbles to the surface, and Gabriel Magalhaes earns a call-up for Brazil after adapting to Premier League football with such ease. Despite how well Benny Blanco and Gabriel are playing, major concerns exist about coverage should either be injured. Emile Smith Rowe scores again ignoring xG in the process. Nico Pepe continues to be on the outside looking in, and concerns exist about burning out Lacazette prior to AFCON. Encouraging signs that the culture of comfort is starting to be dissolved.
Brought to you by the G-20, burn, baby, burn. Aaron Ramsdale is making quite the impression. Lacazette comes back down to earth after some very good performances. Youri Tielemans proves once again that he would be an excellent signing for Arsenal. The Gunners go 9 games unbeaten in the Premier League despite some concerning statistics in the 2nd half, but those stats are thrown out the window upon reflection as a sense of optimism engulfs the project as we head into an international break. Arsenal are on the rise.
Brought to you by: Dave Chappelle. What if it was your kid man? Sambi Lokonga and Thomas Partey show their bounce-back mentality after the tough outing vs. Palace. Ødegaard is dropped in a strong but solid decision by Spanish Michael. Arteta sticks with Aubameyang and asks his players to look in the mirror, as American Arsenology's faith in the young manager slowly begins to regenerate.
Brought to you by the ghost of Jamal Khashoggi. I'll see you at St. James' Park. Arsenal score and then go gun-shy as their naivety shows. Nico Pepe's 1v1 ability and unpredictability is gravely needed. It's joyous occasion to see Patrick Vieira coaching at The Emirates. Lacazette plays for his new contract, somewhere else. A golden opportunity to climb the table is blown. The horseshoe of monotony returns as Arsenal's attack sputters in a performance that pushes American Arsenology over the edge.
Brought to you by R-Kelly: I P*$$ on you. North London is Red!nGranit Xhaka walks right back into the team after his moment of madness against City. Arsenal finally score more than 1 goal in a match. The Saka "slump is solved by getting him back on his preferred location coming in from the right. Benjamin Blanco puts in his best performance to date as an Arsenal player. Martin Odegaard's class bubbles to the surface, but it is the structure and stability provided by Aaron Ramsdale and his back 5 that propel the Gunners to victory. The summer signings put in place by Edu Gaspar and Mikel Arteta look to be coming good as the value of that summer transfer window keeps rising.
Brought to you by Ivermectin: sterilizing douchebags since 2021. Ho-hum football from Arsenal but a sense of calmness in the air as Aaron Ramsdale gets his first start. Discussion on Arteta's management of Ainsley Maitland-Niles, and doubts persist if he can make the grade as a midfielder (spoiler, he can't). Giving credit to Arteta and Edu for unearthing Albert Sambi Lokonga. Questions on how Nico Pepe will fit into the side when ESR is fit, and banging of the drum for Takehiro Tomiyasu getting a run at center-back.
Brought to you by talented young Belgian: I've energized the midfield, and then I was dropped. It's a tactical disaster class as Sead Kolasinac, Rob Holding, Calum Chambers, and Cedric Soares all start at the back for Arsenal. Nico Pepe can't make the bench after producing against West Brom. Bernd Leno's inability to play out of the back with his feet is on full display, and Mikel Arteta asks his squad to look in the mirror as the team gets off to an 0-3 start in the Premier League.
Brought to you by the Taliban: we haven't showered in decades. Albert Sambi Lokonga impresses on the day. A sense of disturbance in the force as Edu Gaspar and Mikel Arteta choose not to sell Granit Xhaka on the cheap. Longing for Yves Bissouma. Gabriel Martinelli ghosts in a start as the central striker as he can't get a kick of the ball. There are absences in the squad for various reasons, but some alarming, and obvious truths.
Brought to you by the Delta variant: Just wait until you meet my sister Omega. Shocking defending from the gunners as Mikel Arteta falls victim to the Pablo Mari Mirage. Concerns about our right-back as American Arsenology is soured once and for all on Calum "The Milkman" Chambers. Excitement about Thierry Henry and Vincent Kompany's recommendation of Sambi Lokonga, but concerns about his readiness. Will Arsenal do business before the window shuts?