Let Go and Be Free: Recent Episodes
Ron Vitale
On the Let Go and Be Free podcast, we’ll talk about everything from dealing with ruminating thoughts to stopping dysfunctional behaviors that you learned as a child in an alcoholic home. Together we’ll shine a light to dispel the shame you might have secretly been living with about your upbringing, and practical tips that will help you center yourself and live a healthier life. I’m not a therapist or doctor. If you need help, please reach out to a medical expert. If you’d like to learn more, feel free to visit: letgoandbefree.com
Stop doomscrolling, don't play into others goading you, set boundaries, focus on self-care, and have a plan.
Support the Podcast:
- Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.
More Information:
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What's the reason behind wanting to be in control?
Does it make us feel safe, powerful, or protective?
In this episode, we'll talk through the reasons behind what control/manipulation really means and ways to change.
Support the Podcast:
- Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
In this episode, we'll talk through some practical ways to deal with anxiety and stress:
- Sleep
- Meditation
- Yoga
- Exercise
- Be creative (write, draw, sculpt, sing)
- Music
- Do something (volunteer and help others)
- Be thankful for what you do have
Support the Podcast:
- Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
In this week's episode, we'll reflect on the final step:
Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others who still suffer, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Reflections:
- When we reflect on how we're behaving now, are we better at choosing who we want to develop relationships with?
- Are we more aware and have stopped trying to control others?
- Are we focusing more on self-care and are using the skills we learned to help our inner child?
- Have we stopped looking for acceptance from others and truly love ourselves for who we are?
Support the Podcast:
- Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
Trust can be hard for those of us who grew up in a dysfunctional family.
We might be stuck in the past and find it hard to trust in the present.
However, we might also might struggle with trusting too quickly (and with people who are not healthy for us).
What we can focus on is:
- Understanidng our memories from the past and processing them.
- Let go of trying to control the past by reproducing similar situations in the present.
- Learn how to trust ourselves.
Interested in reading a retelling of the Cinderella fairy tale through the eye of Cinderella having grown up in a dysfunctional family? Pick up the free book: Lost: Cinderella's secret Witch Diaries (book 1).
Support the Podcast:
- Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
In this episode, we'll go through and discuss Step 11:
"Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understand God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out."
But we look at it from a different perspective:
- Ask yourself: Why am I here on this Earth?
- What good can I do to help others?
- How can I be of service?
When we go through the 12 Steps, we have an opportunity to grow beyond our past trauma.
Once you free yourself from the past, what will you do next?
Service leadership is key to be of help to the world.
Support the Podcast:
- Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
Tips on dealing with the day to day and making sure that you're grounded.
Trying to chase being "amazing" everyday only sets you up to fail.
Using tools to help you each day and setting a (loose) schedule can help keep you on a path of moderation.
As kids we may have grown up in chaos and despair, but as adults, we have the power to change how we want to live.
Support the Podcast:
- Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
In this week's episode, we discuss Step 10 of the 12 Steps of Adult Children of Alcholics.
Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and, when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
Resource:
The 12 Steps for Adult Children book
Support the Podcast:
- Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
Resentment, denial, and the inability to deal with conflict can be a toxic combination.
Learn how to identify the build up of resentment and how to stop holding back your feelings.
You are not alone.
Support the Podcast:
- Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
In this week's podcast, we talk through Step Nine of the 12 Steps.
Step Nine: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Support the Podcast:
- Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
After more than two and a half years of the podcast, I'm struggling with burnout.
I explain where I'm at in my life, the challenges I'm working through, and the future of the podcast.
Read more:
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
Thinking in extremes can trap us in a simplistic worldview and also give us a false sense of security. It's easy to blame our parents for the problems with have, but that's not the full story.
Each person is complex.
But it's much easier to point a finger at someone and say: "They hurt me. It's their fault."
In this week's episode, I share my own story about coming to terms with my father's abandoning my mother, mom, and I as well as linking the need for simplistic answers to seeing the world in a range of complexity.
When we are honest with ourselves and with others, we can better see our boundaries and how to be accountable for our actions.
Athough it might be easier to cast our parents as the villain in our story, it's important to remember that people aren't bad, but they make bad choices.
And when we see our own selves through that same lense, we're able to separate the bad decisions we make and allow ourselves the potential to grow and heal.
Support the Podcast:
- Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
In this week's episode, we discuss Step 8:
"Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all."
Step 8 is not easy and might seem impossible. One way to begin working on this step is to set time limits so that you don't feel overwhelmed.
Begin with a 10-15 minute block of time and write down who you have harmed and what you did to them.
When you finish, stop working on this step and focus on something else. If you allow yourself to get pulled into the depths of this step too quickly, it's easy to berate yourself for all the harm you have caused people.
Take small steps.
From the 12 Steps for Adult Children book:
"Our fear of abandonment sometimes destroyed our relationships, because we did not allow others to be themselves. We created dependency and tried to control their behavior in an effort to maintain the relationship as we wanted it to be."
Support the Podcast:
- Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.
More Information:
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What does "working the program" mean?
Each of us come to a fork in the road and we have a choice to make:
Do we want to continue living a life where we're unhappy or take a chance to learn how we can grow and heal?
In this episode, we'll talk about the various paths we can take and the importance of building self-worth, learning how to heal, grow, and embrace change.
We can either repeat the unhealthy patterns that we grow up with or embark on a journey of self-discovery that will lead to new possibilities that we never knew were available to us.
The choice is ours.
Support the Podcast:
- Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
In this week's episode, we're going to discuss Step 7:
- Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
For Step Seven, humility is essential. We will also need to reflect on our unhealthy behaviors.
This might mean that we have to come to terms with being immature. It's highly possible that our inner child is emotionally immature because we never learned how to handle problems or a crisis in a healthy way. We only saw unhealthy behaviors and coping mechanisms that played out in our family.
Good quote from the 12 Steps for Adult Children book:
"Achieving sainthood is not part of this Program. We simply do the best we can, understanding and accepting our humanness without catering to it. Our intentions may be good, but they do not protect us from occasional lapses."
We might also struggle with the removal of our shortcomings because it might feel uncomfortable for us. When we're used to acting a certain way, we might need time to grieve the change and losting a part of ourselves (even though that loss might be shortcomings and acting out with unhealthy behaviors).
Support the Podcast:
- Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.
More Information:
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With so much negativity in the world today, let's work together and learn how we can protect ourselves from social media and the 24-hour news cycle.
Tools we can use to help ourselves:
- Create a tech-free bedroom
- Practice a digital cleanse
- Perform positive actions to help us get away from all the negativity
Support the Podcast:
- Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
In this week's episode, we'll review step six:
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
If you don't believe in God, it's still worth working this step. I suggest that you read the step as:
Were entirely ready to have all of your defects of character removed.
Or to boil it down even more:
Were ready to grow and change.
Being prepared to have your "defects of character" removed, means that you're ready to be free of your past and to grow.
If you read this step and think that you're "stupid" or "lazy" or "dumb," I ask you to embrace your inner child and to reframe those thoughts. We all make mistakes and do things that are "stupid, lazy, or dumb."
That doesn't make us those things.
So, let's go on this journey together and see what we can learn.
Support the Podcast:
- Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
Why do we limit and hold ourselves back?
In order to embrace joy, ask:
- What makes you truly happy?
- Music, dancing, gardening, exercising?
- What activities can you practice to help you feel joy each day?
What can we do to quiet the negative voices and to focus on knowing that we are worthy of joy, happiness, and love?
Support the Podcast:
- Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
Step 5 can be a difficult step to review and process.
If you're new to the 12 Steps or need a refresher, here is Step 5:
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Working through the step consists of three parts: We reach out to God (or creation, a Higher Power, or the universe), self-reflect, and to someone we trust.
We're looking to to share, in a healthy and trustful manner, the darkest parts of ourselves.
Not to be judge, but we do so in order to learn how to learn new skills and to grow to let go of the unhealthy coping mechanisms and dysfunctional behaviors that have held us back.
Working through this step can take time.
Be easy on yourself.
Support the Podcast:
- Join the Let Go and Be Free Patreon to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks).
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
Adrenaline and always being "on" are common behaviors for those who grew up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family. But we need time to rest, not work, and to unwind.
That's hard to do in modern life, but also for those of us Type A personalities.
Exercises:
- Turn off all notifications on our phones, disconnect, listen to the world around us.
- Watch and just listen.
- Allow ourselves time to just be. We don't need to work all the time.
The challenge is: Asking for help so we can make time for ourselves. If we have everything on our shoulders, how will we have time to rest and heal?
Running on empty can't last forever.
Support the Podcast:
- Join the Let Go and Be Free Patreon to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks).
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
What is Step 4 from the Twelve Steps of Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service's Organization?
Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
- This step allows us to get in touch with all sides of our personality (what we're proud of and ashamed of as well).
- Uncovers what we truly fear.
- How we've used denail. But denial takes many forms (minimizing, blaming, excusing, dodging, or attacking).
- And how we've kept up with unhealthy behaviors that used to help us as kids, but now only block our maturing and growth.
- Resentment has also blocked us from living in the present. We might be too focused on the past.
Support the Podcast:
- Join the Let Go and Be Free Patreon to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks).
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
Part 1: What did you need when growing up?
- Stability, unconditional love, someone with strong emotional intelligence, empathetic, compassionate, and someone who listened to you and took you seriously.
Part 2: What did you need now in life? What's the same? What is different?
- Stability, love, people to listen and interact with, and someone who makes you laugh (and not at the expense of others).
Support the Podcast:
- Join the Let Go and Be Free Patreon to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks).
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I personally find Step Three to be difficult:
Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand God.
I struggle with the need to let go and take a leap of faith. It's not easy for me and I am often conflicted about this step, but I still try.
From "The 12 Steps for Adult Children" book (1991 reprinted version):
"Step Three commands more of us than the first two Steps, because we are now asked to trust in a Higher Power. If we feel pressured or compromised by this request we are going too fast. Our inner child may be terrified that, if we dare trust a Higher Power and expose our behavior problems to that Power, we will be rejected. In this case, it is important to stop and take time to prepare ourselves properly."
And another powerful quote:
"The key to effectively working Step Three lies in our willingness to turn as much of our lives as we can over to the care of God. This is difficult for many of us because we are accustomed to functioning by using self-will alone."
Support the Podcast:
- Join the Let Go and Be Free Patreon to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks).
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
Why is it so hard to let go of the past?
If we hold onto hate and our anger, we stay trapped by the past.
But when we forgive, that's the path toward healing.
Forgiving someone is something that we do for ourselves.
And there is a difference between forgiving and forgetting.
In this week's episode, I share the experiences I've had with my own struggles with letting go of the past and what skills I needed to learn to overcome those challenges.
Support the Podcast:
- Join the Let Go and Be Free Patreon to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks).
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
As we go through life, there are times when we need to stop and reflect on what we feel and think about the 12 Steps.
With the second step, there are questions about control, trust, and faith.
How do you feel about the second step?
How do you feel?
Is this step easy for your or difficult?
There's no wrong answer. There's only what you experience as you're figuring out how to move forward with your healing.
By reflecting on the present, taking time to focus on the steps helps you decide where you want to go in life and how best to find healing.
Support the Podcast:
- Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- YouTube music
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
On an Oprah interview I heard recently, she talked about her having John Bradshaw on her show and how what he shared with her transformed her life.
Bradshaws is the author of such books as "Homecoming: Reclaiming and Healing Your Inner Child."
I found great hope and help in his books and wanted to talk about how to heal your inner child and to overlay what I've learned in the past with the present.
With war, famine, and unrest blossoming in many parts of the world, we can turn on our TV, or go on social media, and it might look like the world is on fire.
But there's another way. We don't have to play into the trap of feeling stress and anxiety.
We can heal and find joy.
Join me so we can continue on the journey together.
Support the Podcast:
- Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- YouTube music
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
The last time I discussed the first of Adult Children of Alcholics and Dysfunctional Families World Services' 12 Steps was December 2022.
To recommit myself to the steps, I wanted to go through the first step, discuss it, and to see what we've learned since 2022.
No matter if you're new to the 12 Steps or a veteran, there's a lot to learn in taking time to reflect on your past and to compare that period with where you are now in the present.
I invite you to join me on recommitting to the 12 Steps.
Support the Podcast:
- Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- YouTube music
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
Negative thoughts, worrying, and obsessive perseverating can easily pull you down and disrupt your healing.
How can you overcome negative thoughts?
- Help someone (volunteer, assist a neighbor, or someone in your community).
- Write about your feelings in a daily journal.
- Practice gratitude.
- Be open-minded that learning a new habit takes time.
When we were kids, we may have used negative thoughts as a way to prepare for the worst in any situation. That survival skill might have helped us when we were young, but as adults being negative all the time might be restricting us from enjoying the world around us.
Support the Podcast:
- Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- YouTube music
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
Why do we look for love in the wrong places?
What's really going on inside of us that we act this way?
Are we setting healthy boundaries between us and other people?
Are we living the present as a means of "fixing" what happened to us as kids?
Lots of great questions to work through together and find a path toward happiness.
Support the Podcast:
- Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- YouTube music
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
Each day we have a choice. We can choose a path of healthy behaviors or choose dysfunctional ones.
How do we learn what's good for us and how do we make healthy choices each day?
- Understand your physiology: Your "Lizard Brain."
- Read the "Don't Listen to Your Lizard Brain" article in Psyhcology Today.
- From the article: The reptilian part of your brain controls "primitive drives related to thirst, hunger, sexuality, and territoriality, as well as habits and procedural memory."
- Be sure to take care of your body (eat, sleep, drink water, rest).
- Remember your biology. When afraid or angry, hormones are released into your bloodstream. These hormones can stick around for around 45 minutes if you're angry and that's why it's important to understand your physiology. How to be aware of your anger before it gets out of control:
- Meditation
- Take a break
- Deep breathing
- Center yourself. You need a touchstone that you can trust to help you decide what is healthy and what isn't.
- Is this true?
- Is this healthy for me?
- Strengthen your "adult" voice: "Parent, Child, Adult" voice.
Support the Podcast:
- Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
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How do you get by if you are living in a family with active substance abuse or there's unhealthy/dysfunctional behaviors?
Many people don't have the ability to move, but need to find ways to survive.
If in danger, please contact the National Domestic Violence Support Hotline or call them at: 800.799.SAFE (7233).
To find healthier ways of living and building your self-confidence so that you can be happy, in this episode we'll discuss:
- The power of reading.
- Using role-play to build trust among friends. Games can be a great source of creating a healthy community.
- Journal writing and the power of the written word.
- Learning the importance of the word "yet" and how such a small word can build hope for you and your future.
Support the Podcast:
- Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- YouTube music
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- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
Apologies for the poor sound quality as I had issues with my mic.
In growing up, we may have learned that arguing was bad, or worse, we may have seen unhealthy ways of resolving conflict.
Here are several fair fighting rules that you and your partner (or friend, family, etc.) can use:
Rules for Fair Fighting
- Use "I" statements. When you say "I feel upset beccause I'm afraid" that is being direct and vulnerable. Avoiding "you" statements is essential in effective communication.
- The purpose of an argument is to solve the issue at hand and not the 10 other examples you happen to have ready of what the person has done to you in the past. Focus on the present and only the matter at hand.
- No cursing or name calling.
- Listen. Really listen to the person and take turns talking. When the person has expressed their point, validate back to them what you heard them say. And then go on to share your feelings.
- Avoid throwing up blockers: "I don't have time to talk now" (and never agreeing there is a good time). Or changing the subject to avoid the issue at hand.
- No yelling at each other. When you're screaming at someone or they're screaming at you, finding a calm resolution becomes that much more difficult. Treat the other person with respect and ask that they do the same to you.
- Take a break. Arguments aren't supposed to last for hours. If you've had enough, ask for a short break, and then come back later to resolve the conflict.
- Come to a solution. Find a compromise that you both agree on or some understanding. If not, the argument will only come back to haunt you both at a future date.
Support the Podcast:
- Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
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Grieving for our past: That we never had normal childhoods. Especially when we get older and compare how we see how others lived.
-We can become resentful, angry, and filled with envy. -President Theodore Roosevelt once said: "Comparison is the thief of joy."
Grieving that time has passed us by (looking back or around and seeing how much we've wasted time focusing on things that don't truly matter).
-We can only deal with today. Focusing only on the past or the future, robs us of the power and agency we have today.
Support the Podcast:
- Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
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Blaming everyone around us and not taking responsibility for our own health and actions can keep us trapped in life.
Do we point the finger at others and use it to absolve ourselves from being accountable?
Why do we allow ourselves to remain trapped by our past?
How do we grow?
Using our past to create sympathy and compassion for us is manipulative and also keep us from living a healthy and happy life.
We can find ways to let go of unhealthy behaviors and learn how to come to terms with the trauma we lived through.
Support the Podcast:
- Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
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We repeat what we lived through. What can we do to stop becoming like our parents?
Example: Being forced to eat broccoli as a kid. What is really happening in these type of situations?
The underlining conflict is about power: who has it and who doesn't.
If we want to grow and learn more effective ways of problem solving and conflict resolution, we need to:
- Listen to the person (people) we're in conflict with.
- Be able to clearly express our feelings/thoughts without blame (use "I" statements instead of "you").
- Focus on what you need and stop using blame tactics (e.g., "You NEVER take out the trash," "You are ALWAYS late," "Last year, you forgot to...", etc.)
- Be willing to compromise and grow.
Support the Podcast:
- Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
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- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
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- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
Relationships can be viewed many different ways. We can see them as opportunities to grow and learn more about ourselves, or fall into unhealthy patterns that leads to enmeshment and codependency.
In this episode, I share my story, the challenges I've encountered along the way, and the decisions I made to help me find love and happiness.
Spoiler: The answers might not be what you think.
Support the Podcast:
- Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
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Many think that it's easier to stick with what we know (even if it's not healthy for us) than face the fear of the unknown.
Reasons why we resist change:
Fear of the unknown, anxiety, doubt, worry, and helplessness.
And sometimes there's the belief that since this is all we know, we can't imagine anything beyond it (or that we deserve something better, so we settle).
But there is a way to overcome our internal resistance to change.
Let's learn together.
Help keep the podcast going in 2024:
- Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
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If we're always working on ourselves and at our jobs, family and with doing chores, when will have time to be a kid again?
Having fun is essential to learning about who we are, what we like, and being comfortable in our own skin.
Let's be sure to take time to list what we can do to relax and give ourselves downtime.
Help keep the podcast going in 2024:
- Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
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There is no magic bullet that's going to solve all your problems. It's okay to accept that the road to healing takes time and is not linear.
In this week's episode, we'll discuss how to use tools and skills that we can learn to help propel us forward on our journey of healing and growth.
Resources:
- Interview with Japanese filmmaker Akira Kurosawa on comparing writing/film making with climbing a mountain.
- Brené Brown's blog post on "no magic bullet".
Help keep the podcast going in 2024:
- Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
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Perfectionism can be cloaked in your trying to be there for everyone and in doing "all the things."
Take time to reflect and be honest with yourself:
- How do you handle failure?
- Are you taking care of yourself?
- Can you handle change?
If you have Netflix, be sure to watch the film Nyad (watch the trailer). It's a good film about marathon swimmer Diana Nyad that shows how perfectionism can be admirable yet also devastating to the people around you.
Help keep the podcast going in 2024:
- Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
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- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
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- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
Each of us has a choice: We can continue to try and hit our light from the rest the world to just "get by" or we can live up to our full potential.
In today's episode, we'll talk about stepping out of our comfort zone in order to grow and embrace hope.
We all have fears. Pretending that we don't and trying to ignore or repress our fears will only make them stronger.
Shining a light on what we fear, admitting to that, and taking healthy risks can take us on the path toward healing and happiness.
Help keep the podcast going in 2024:
- Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
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- Apple podcasts
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When difficult problems come upon you in life, how do you deal with those times?
If you grew up in a dysfunctional family or where one (or both) of your parents struggled with addiction, you might never have seen healthy problem-solving behaviors.
Building a network to help you during times of stress, along with learning skills to help you with process your emotions, effectively communicate, and solve problems are all ways to growth.
Some good skills to learn are:
- Differentiating between what you cannot change and what you can is key.
- Building strong boundaries between you and others.
- Strengthening your adult voice (e.g., "Is this true?" or "Is this healthy for me?") is also essential.
The tools mentioned in this episode are:
- The Twelve Steps
- The Serenity Prayer
- Journal writing
- Attending ACOA (Adult Children of Alcholics and Dysfunctional Family) meetings
- Talking with a therapist
Help keep the podcast going in 2024:
- Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
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- Google podcasts
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- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
In this episode, we'll learn how to overcome feeling lonely and like we don't fit in as well as the importance of building a social network around us.
What are some basic steps that we can do to help ourselves?
-
Identify and allow yourself to feel your emotions.
-
Step out (slightly) of your comfort zone.
-
Be easy on yourself.
Resources:
- How to Stop Ruminating NY Times article.
Help keep the podcast going in 2024:
- Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
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Take time to do the following:
- Perform an inventory of people in your life to see who tries to pull you into their drama or is a chaotic friend.
- Strengthen your boundaries and give yourself time to take of yourself.
- We don't have to jump to answer a call or text immediately. Give yourself the space your need.
- With the extra time you have by creating distance from those chaotic friends, use the time to heal and have fun.
Resources:
- Identify Your ‘Energy Vampires’ and ‘Chaotic Friends’
Help keep the podcast going in 2024:
- Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
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- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
As we continue onward on our journey for 2024, let's talk about the importance of forgiveness.
When I look back at my life, I see some of the mistakes that I made or weaknesses I had that trapped me in a circle of dysfunctional behaviors.
But as I learned, practiced new communication and self-care skills, I realized that I needed to let go of the past before I could fully move forward.
A big part of that was to forgive my past self.
To become a fully indvidualized person, I needed to embrace all of who I was and let go of feeling bad for myself.
From a practical perspective, that meant that I needed to forgive myself and then create a support system around me.
Let's learn how to do that together.
Help keep the podcast going in 2024:
- Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
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- Apple podcasts
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In 2024, we have a chance to start anew, continue onward on our journey, and find the happiness and peace that we so desperately want.
What can you do to focus on starting 2024 off right?
- Eat healthy, hydrate, exercise (light!), and get decent sleep
- Write (morning pages, journal to help express and process how you're feeling)
- Be curious and open to learning new skills
- Embrace compassion for yourself (self-care is critical)
Remember: Take things slowly. As my grandmother used to say: "Rome wasn't built in a day."
Help keep the podcast going in 2024:
- Make a small donation through Buy Me a Coffee.
- Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
- Become a monthly/yearly subscriber via substack.
More Information:
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
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- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
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- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
With a new year upon us, let's recommit ourselves to choosing to continue onward on our journey toward a healthy and happy life. That means we'll need to invest time and energy into supporting ourselves.
When we believe that we are worth it and take time to help ourselves, we're investing not only in our present, but in our future happiness.
Support the podcast:
- Make a small donation to help the podcast continue in 2024.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
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- Apple podcasts
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- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
A deep dive in how mindfulness and meditation can help us heal our minds.
Take the mindfulness challenge:
- Watch the BBC video "How I Rewired My Brain in Six Weeks."
- Read the article "How I rewired my brain in six weeks" with lots of great resources.
- Practice meditation each day for 15-30 minutes.
- Try the free mindfulness course
- Or try the free YouTube video: "Meditation for Anxiety: Yoga with Adriene"
Don't have time to take on this challenge before the holidays? Save it and start fresh in the new year.
Support the podcast:
- Make a small donation to help the podcast continue in 2024.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
What are the next steps to freeing yourself from your dysfunctional upbringing?
Step 0: Stop trying to fix or save others Step 2: Let go (looking for a higher power to help you). Step 3: Learn the skills you need to move forward.
Cultivate the tools your need: Writing, speaking, expressing emotional, processing feelings, practicing self-care.
It's a whole package and not just one simple thing.
Support the podcast:
- Make a small donation to help the podcast continue in 2024.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
Defining how you see yourself is the first step on the journey to overcoming your dysfunctional childhood upbringing.
Do you see yourself as a victim or a survivor?
In today's episode, we discuss the importance of hope, starting your journey, and learning the tools you will need to thrive and be happy.
When we take accountability for our actions, our future can then become open to possibility.
But this isn't the time to wear rose-colored glasses: The truth is that living a healthy and happy life means that we have to learn the skills to get us to our goal.
We might stumble at times, backslide, fall, and struggle to get up.
The good news is that you are not alone.
There are people from more than 35 countries around the world who listen to this podcast.
Together, we can achieve the happiness and love we so long for.
Support the podcast:
- Make a small donation to help the podcast continue in 2024.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
With the holiday season fast approaching, let's talk about how to overcome bad memories from the past and how to create new traditions that are healthier for you.
Support the podcast:
- Become a supporter to help the podcast continue in 2024.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
If you're a parent, how do you exhibit healthy and positive behaviors for your children? And if you're not a parent, what are you doing to self-parent and take care of yourself?
Learning how to heal from our past trauma can be a complicated and drawn out process.
Parenting is a double-sided coin: No matter if you are a parent or not, you still have learned behaviors from your childhood. By learning to trust, respect, and unconditionally love yourself, you'll then be able to build a strong foundation for becoming a parent.
This week's episode was inspired by:
Sir Patrick Stewart interview on the Rich Roll podcast. Listen now.
Support the podcast:
- Become a supporter to help the podcast continue in 2024.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
Knowing when to quit can be difficult. If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, surrounded by substance abuse, you might find it challenging to let go of things in the present.
But quitting doesn't always equal failure.
Letting go and moving on can be healthy and a transformational experience.
In this episode, I'll share some personal stories of how I've struggled with learning when to quit and how that's allowed me to grow as a person.
Afterward, I invite you to take a look at your own life and ask: What would be healthy for me to quit and let go?
Let's learn together.
Support the podcast:
- Become a supporter to help the podcast continue in 2024.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
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- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
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- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
Substance abuse is multi-generational. What can you do to stop the chain? You can't just try to "cut" that part of you out.
And on a micro level: How can you stop repeating past mistakes in your relationships?
To shed the unhealthy learned behaviors that we grew up with, we need a plan:
What does your net look like?
What skills and tools will you turn to when you fall and need help?
In this episode, we'll learn how to help ourselves (as well as when to go get professional help) so that we can live a healthier and happier life.
Skills that you can learn:
- Empathy
- Communicating effectively
- Listening
- Self-care techniques
- Setting boundaries
- Building your self-confidence and loving yourself
Support the podcast:
- Become a supporter to help the podcast continue in 2024.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
Are you always waiting for the other shoe to drop?
And are afraid that the worst is going to happen in any given situation?
Why is that?
Did this copying technique help you survive a dysfunctional upbringing?
Or, deep down, do you feel that you're not worthy of happiness. That you feel you are broken or deserve to fail?
Sometimes it's important to let go of what may have worked in the past and grow beyond the fears that held us captive as kids.
- Become a supporter to help the podcast continue in 2024.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
People can use guilt to manipulate you or you can use it to stop yourself from growing.
Guilt imprisons you.
How do you know when guilt is a good emotion to feel (to help you self-regulate and admit that you've done something to hurt another)?
And how do you know when you're being emotionally manipulated?
In this episode, we'll talk through some of the more common ways that people use guilt as a way to emotionally manipulate you and discuss the tools you can use to strengthen your boundaries and build your own self-confidence.
Support the Podcast:
Become a supporter to help the podcast continue in 2024.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
Make time to take care of your body and mind. But how? What if you're so used to taking care of others or focus on your work?
And what if you feel trapped in a cycle of dysfunction? Where can you start to make inroads to living a healthier and happier life?
Resource: Compare Your Life Expectancy with Others Around the World from The Washington Post
Support the Podcast:
Become a supporter to help the podcast continue in 2024.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
What external validation do you crave?
Do you throw yourself into work or helping others so that you feel good about yourself?
Do you know that you are worthy just because you are?
If you grew up in a dysfunctional family and was surrounded by substance abuse, you may struggle with knowing that you are worthy.
In this week's episode, we'll explore how to answer the question: "Are you worthy?" and to sit with our feelings toward the roles we play in life.
Let's listen together and continue on the journey.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
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- Apple podcasts
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- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
In this second episode where I discuss work and our relationship to it, I recap Simone Stolzoff's book The Good Enough Job and how fear has fueled my desire to work hard all the time.
I also discuss how addicted behaviors are picked up by Adult Children of Alcoholics (you may not drink, but throw your time/energy in work, etc.).
I share my personal work history and talk about losing my job at the beginning of the pandemic.
- How did I feel not having a job?
- How did that stir up my fears of not having enough money to survive (even if that wasn't true)?
- What is the healthy balance between work and rest?
- Having a balanced approach to life (the juste milieu - middle path) is best.
- Who are you without work?
Resource:
"The Good Enough Job: Reclaiming Life from Work" by Simone Stolzoff
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
What is your relationship with work?
Is it a healthy one?
Or do you throw yourself into your work in order to validate your own worthiness?
Why do we overwork ourselves? And is it common for those of use who grew up in dysfunctional families with substance abuse and addiction to use work as a means to try and save ourselves?
In this monster episode, we'll go through this complex and difficult topic.
Resource:
"The Good Enough Job: Reclaiming Life from Work" by Simone Stolzoff
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
Are you afraid to rock the boat? Do you settle so you don't get hurt? Are you afraid to be your true self and fear that you'll be knocked down or fail?
Why do we limit ourselves?
In this episode, we'll explore the reasons why we try to play it safe in life and how taking healthy risks can open doors to fulfillment and happiness.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
A change is season is upon us and it's a good time to reset, reflection, and recharge.
In this episode, we'll discuss the various steps to help you recharge:
- Take stock of who you are
- Challenge your assumptions (black and white thinking: "All is bad")
- Disconnect to recharge
- Make time for yourself
- How do you want to grow?
- Take a baby step to do that.
Resources:
- Read The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner.
- Need help? Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
What are healthy ways to handle conflict?
In growing up in an alcoholic and/or dysfunctional family, we might have learned lots of unhealthy ways to handle conflict, but not healthy ones.
Do you avoid conflict? Become an aggressor during one? Or play both sides against each other?
To exhibit healthy behaviors in resolving conflict, keep these skills in mind:
- Use "I" statements and not "you" ("You're wrong, you're bad, etc.")
- Take stock of your own responsibility and accountability: Did you do anything wrong? If so, admit it, and make amends.
- Have empathy for the other person.
- Be an active listener.
- If necessary, ask for time to regroup: Do you need a timeout so that you can be better open to talking?
- Set boundaries when necessary.
Resources:
- Read The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner.
- Need help? Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
A relapse could mean that you struggle with addiction (e.g., alcohol, food, drugs, etc.) or you have a relapse of dysfunction behaviors (e.g., lashing out, withdrawing, regressing, falling into codependent behaviors, etc.).
When you have relapse, assess what has happened:
- How do you feel?
- What went wrong?
- What did you do?
- "I make a mistake" and not "I'm a mistake."
- Reach out for help:
- Al-Anon or ACOA meetings
- Contact a therapist
- Attend a recovery program
- Use the skills and self-care tools you've been learning:
- Meditate (here's a 10-minute meditation to help you)
- Eat healthy, get sleep
- Exercise
- Write about your feelings
- Read through and apply the Twelve Steps to your life
You are not alone and you are worthy of love and happiness.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
Self-care is critical to our healing and finding happiness. If we don't know how to take care of ourselves, we'll continue to become trapped in other-centered care (taking comfort in trying to "save" or "rescue" others). The path that lacks self-care could easily lead to codependency.
In this week's episode, I discuss a whole list of practical self-care tips and also give a review of the FX show The Bear (available on Hulu).
Self-care tips:
- Affirmations
- Sleep, eating healthy, and light exercise (Tai Chi, Yoga [try Yoga with Adriene on YouTube], walking, running)
- Visualizations (try this 10-minute technique)
- Meditation
- Daily passages
- Journal writing
- Reading
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
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- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
The life you want is achievable. But if you grew up in a family that struggled with addiction and dysfunction, how do you find peace and happiness?
I break down two real-life situations that I recently struggled with and talked about how I overcame them using skills that you can learn as well.
Come listen as we continue on the journey together.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
This week I share some personal stories about how I learned to let go. Letting go is a powerful skill to learn. If we allow the past (or our present situations or the future) to trap us, we can become paralyzed and unable to act.
Instead, we circle around a problem and are unable to move on and thrive.
Need more help? Check out my new book 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Thank you for listening.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
This week we discuss the third Other Laundry list item:
"We frighten people with our anger and threat of belittling criticism."
Some of us use a strong offense as a way to protect ourselves while others internalize the anger that they hold from their childhood upbringing. Both ways of behaving are unhealthy in the long run.
When you grow up in a family that struggles with addiction and exhibits dysfunctional behavior, we learn the same unhealthy behaviors. Addiction is multi-generational because it affects everyone in the family.
How do we deal with anger in a healthy way? And how do we stop using criticism to protect ourselves and knock others down?
One way is to first admit our unhealthy behaviors and another useful skill is to identify what we need. Embracing who we are and sharing what we need by making a true connection with others.
To help us get to that place of being able to be vulnerable and trust others, researchers have found that those who practice gratitude are happier and feel more content.
Read the "Giving thanks can make you happier" article on Havard.edu or check out my new book 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics. I have specifically crafted a full month's worth of gratitude prompts to help us focus on being grateful on our journey to overcoming our childhood past.
We can find happiness, peace, and love. But first, we need to find those things within ourselves.
Thank you for listening.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
On this week's podcast, I read a passage from my new book 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics and I delve deep into the history of the Serenity prayer:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
With my more than 30 years of experience with the Serenity prayer, I go over where the prayer originated, how I've used it in the past, and how that's evolved over the decades.
If you think that the Serenity prayer can only be used if you believe in God, I invite you to have an open mind and hear my interpretation of the powerful tenet.
Come join me and let's learn together.
Thank you for listening.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
This week we work together on learning about the second Other Laundry list item:
"To avoid becoming enmeshed and entangled with other people and losing ourselves in the process, we become rigidly self-sufficient. We disdain the approval of others."
What does this mean for you?
If you look at your own life, are you too enmeshed in other people's problems or are you too self-sufficient?
There is no judgment here. We're looking to take stock of our lives, be honest, and then decide on how to live a healthy and happy life. Often looking for the middle between two extremes is the healthy path forward.
I also wanted to share that my new book 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics is now available. Within the book, there are a month's worth of daily reflections to help you to embark on finding the path to living an emotionally healthier and happier life.
Thank you for listening.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
Over the past week I struggled with some personal challenges and wanted to use the opportunity to share how I handled the problem by using the skills we have been talking about on the podcast.
And then I wanted to segue into discussing the first item of the Other Laundry list:
"To cover our fear of people and our dread of isolation we tragically become the very authority figures who frighten others and cause them to withdraw."
I learned a lot over the past week and wanted to share it with you so that you can apply the skills I used to help me in your own life.
Thank you for listening.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
Learn to belong to yourself through self-acceptance. Growing up in a family where there was addiction and dysfunction does not mean that you are unworthy of happiness and being loved.
Shame and embarrassment might have a hold on you, but there are tools you can use to help you overcome your past trauma.
In this week's episode, I share my personal story about how I've struggled with self-acceptance and how I've learned to overcome the trauma from my past.
If you are looking for hope, this episode is for you.
You are not alone. You are worthy of love and happiness.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
The fourteenth and final Laundry List item from the Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Family World Service Organization is a tough one:
"Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors."
When we take stock of how we respond to a problem that crops up in life, do we react or are we actors?
Here's an example: If you lose your job, do you blame others/yourself, or do you put together a plan on how to get your next job?
In this week's episode, we discuss your toolkit on how to identify and process your emotions and then use healthy skills/activities to help you deal with life's problem.
Life is a journey. Understand why you react to certain situations is important as is learning how to overcome being stuck with unhealthy behaviors. Regulating emotions, processing your feelings, and overcoming your past takes time and practice.
Let's listen and work together.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
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- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
While my family and I watched Rainn Wilson and the Geography of Bliss, I learned an important lesson:
One of the Icelandic people's favorite sayings is: "þetta reddast" that roughly translates to "it will all work out okay."
How often do you worry about the past, the present, or the future?
What if we could learn a way to be happy in the present?
In this week's episode, I discuss Rainn Wilson's new Peacock show and what I learned in the first episode.
Resources:
- World Happiness Report
- Iceland falls at #3 and USA is #15.
- Danish saying: "Pyt" that roughly translates to "don't worry about it" or "oh, well."
I grew up in a dysfunctional family surrounded by chaos and instability. I spent a lot of time thinking about what might happen so that I could prepare for the worst. Unfortunately, that turned to worry and worrying doesn't solve problems.
How can we use what people in happier countries believe to help us heal and grow?
Listen and find out.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
Rest is essential to our well-being. Join me this week as I discuss a personal struggle that I've encountered and then share how I'm going to work on fixing the problem.
It's great to be working the steps, going to therapy, but sometimes it's important to take a step back and to reflect.
And just be.
Not to do anything, but to sit with our thoughts and to find a healthy balance within.
Some people work to the extreme, some avoid responsibility. Often, people see life in the extremes: Overworking or avoiding work. Being too emotional or being closed off to the world.
Why is that?
Come listen to this episode and we're discuss together.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
In this week's episode, we're going to discuss items 12 & 13 of the Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families Service Organization’s Laundry List.
When we are reviewing the laundry list items, it's important to be open to a thorough reflection on yourself.
This does not mean that you berate yourself, call yourself stupid, or shed the accountability for your own actions and blame your past.
No, what's important is that you are honest with who you are as a person. We learned unhealthy behaviors as children and grew up to be para-alcoholics who were often desperately afraid of abandonment.
Once you've allowed yourself to feel and to admit your truth, then you need to decide what the next step is: do you want to heal?
Do you want to learn healthier ways of communicating with people?
Do you want to learn how to have healthy relationships?
The path forward might seem impossible, but it's not.
You are not alone.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
In this week's episode, we're going to discuss items 10 & 11 of the Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families Service Organization’s Laundry List.
When going through the laundry list items, there will be times when you won't necessarily identify with them, but there's still a lot to be learned.
Having tools at the ready to help you, is essential is laying the groundwork to setting up a health environment.
Often we grew up in families where this was instability, fighting, yelling, and worse.
In the present, we have the choice to learn how to handle our problems and process our emotions in a healthy way (hint: repression or over-expression aren't helpful either).
So, let's sit back and listen together on what we can learn from these two laundry list items.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
In this week's episode, we take a break from reviewing the Laundry List items from the Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Family World Service Organization and focus on learning how to be grateful in the present.
We discuss several relatable tips on how to be grounded in the present and to learn how to stop obsessing about the past, trying to fill the hole inside yourself by "saving" people, or worrying about what might happen in the future.
Embracing gratitude in the present helps us overcoming the past and allows us the energy to focus on what really matters: Healing and loving ourselves.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
In this week's episode, we're going to discuss items 8 & 9 of the Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families Service Organization’s Laundry List.
Are you addicted to excitement and the thrill of losing yourself in the moment to forget your own problems?
Or do you find that you tend to "love" people who you want to try and rescue?
These two topics aren't easy to discuss because they might cause you to feel guilt or shame.
The good news is that we're in a safe environment and we'll go through and discuss these items together.
The more you learn about unhealthy coping mechanisms you've used to live and get by, the better you can choose to let them go and learn healthier behaviors.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
In this week's episode, we take a break from reviewing the Laundry List items from the Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Family World Service Organization and focus on these question:
- What do you normally do when you fall down in life and fail?
- What happens when you fall back into unhealthy coping mechanisms?
- How do you move forward?
At some point in life, we all make mistakes, fall, and trip up. Knowing what to do (and how) to get back up on our feet and move forward on our journey of healing is important to living a long and healthy life.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
When I first reviewed the Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families Service Organization’s Laundry List, I felt overwhelmed.
In this week's episode, we go over items 6 and 7 of the Laundry List. Do you see yourself in either of this list items?
If so, take some time to process your feelings, talk with a trusted friend, or share at an Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting and think about your boundaries.
Are you happy with your relationships in your life?
Remember to ask yourself these questions when reviewing items 6 & 7 of the Laundry List:
- Is it true?
- Is this healthy for me?
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
When I first reviewed the Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families Service Organization’s Laundry List, I felt overwhelmed.
In this week's episode, we go over items 4 and 5 of the Laundry List. There's a lot to take in, but there is hope. Instead of berating yourself and putting yourself down, I invite you to take a step back, listen, and learn with me as we go this journey together.
You are not alone.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
Listening to the negative voices from our past restricts us from growing and living a happy life.
When we focus on self-pity, we remain trap. To change that, what steps can you take to stop ruminating thoughts and negativity?
If you don't see yourself as worthy and loveable, then you will remain closed off from the greater possibilities ahead of you in life.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
When you first review the Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families Service Organization’s Laundry List, you might feel overwhelmed. I know I did when I first read them.
The good news is that as soon as you take the first step to overcome your past and are willing to read through the Laundry List, you’ve allowed yourself the freedom to reflect and be honest with yourself. Change takes time.
In this first look at the Laundry List, I review the first 3 Laundry List items and share personal stories of my own challenges with them.
I invite you to come on this journey with me, listen to the episode, and then give yourself the space and time to decide what you’d like to do next.
Let’s get started and see what we can learn together.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Listen to the podcast on:
- Spotify
- Apple podcasts
- Google podcasts
- Amazon music
- RSS feed (copy and paste the link into your podcast app)
There will be times when you will want to give up. You might be tired of the journey and just want to fall back into comfortable coping mechanisms and to stick with unhealthy behaviors because it's what you know.
In this week's episode, I talk about the challenges in learning healthy behaviors and how to prepare for times when you're exhausted and just want to give up.
Accepting how you feel is important as is giving yourself the space and time to process your feelings.
Life is not an all or nothing sum game. There will be times when we want to give up, times when we make mistakes, and then times to get up again.
That's the circle of life.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Disclaimer: If you feel unsafe, get help.
In the US, there's the National Domestic Violence Hotline
Their 24/7 phone number is: 1-800-799-7233
Why is conflict resolution important?
What does this have to do with growing up in an alcoholic and/or dysfunctional family?
Often we saw arguments, disagreements, and they escalated. As kids, we had no power to control what we saw. Fights could turn to ugly screaming matches, and for some, escalated to physical violence.
As an adult, how do you deal with conflict?
Rush in with a strong offense? Avoid it?
Each of us has learned various methods on dealing with disagreements. Here are some healthy ways of handling conflict: Listen, validate what you've heard, speak what you need, and compromise. Unfortunately, if others are not willing to take the same steps, you'll get nowhere. Boundaries and descalation are critical. Protect yourself.
Steps to confliction resolution:
- Listen
- Express your thoughts: "I am needing..." [Not: "You do this, you do that."] What do you need?
- Solve the problem: Compromise. If compromise isn't possible, agree to disagree.
Conflict resolution isn't perfect and it takes time to learn new skills.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
It's time to celebrate. It's been 1 year of this podcast and we've gone through the 12 steps and learned healthy skills to help us overcome our past. As we move forward, let’s embrace and celebrate life.
It's okay to be happy.
It’s okay to take time to celebrate.
It’s okay to know that you are worthy of love and joy.
Let’s reflect together on what we’ve learned and how we can embrace the simplest of things in life and be happy.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
In today's episode, I discuss the twelfth step from Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization's 12 Steps.
Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others who still suffer, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
What does this step mean?
What is doesn't mean is that we try to force the 12 steps on someone else.
Show rather than tell.
Show people how your behavior has changed when dealing with problems rather than telling them all the things you've learned by following the steps.
The 12 steps are a framework that helps you build up a toolset that allows you to act differently when confront with a problem or crisis.
Use what you've learned to build boundaries and identify healthier behaviors on how to solve problems.
Resource:
New York Times Article: Teens Are Struggling Right Now. What Can Parents Do?
Verbalizing your emotions is critical. Put your feelings into words as you're going through the 12 steps and remember that not everyone will want to use the steps—and that's okay.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
In today's episode, I discuss the eleventh step from Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization's 12 Steps.
Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understand God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
Many people get to step 11 and then see all the mention of God and move on. In this week's episode, I'd like to present a different interpretation of this step. If you believe in God, then the step gives specific instructions on how to move forward.
But what if you don't believe in God? Should you just ignore this step?
Instead, I recommend focusing on the meditation part of the step and then to use this step to self-reflect. Ask yourself questions such as: Why am I here on this Earth? What am I supposed to do? Is it just pure coincidence that humans came into being? Use the time to ask yourself the big questions so that you can get outside of your own head and focus on something that you can't answer. Why? Because you can take your first steps into seeing how life is more than just what you can see around you. There's so much we can't see or know and that's okay.
Are you going to move forward and grow beyond your childhood upbringing and learn new skills or stay locked in a cycle of generational dysfunction?
Thankfully, the choice is yours.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
In today's episode, we're taking a break from the 12 Steps so that we all have time to process what we've learned so far and ask ourselves this question:
Is it okay to put yourself first?
Self-care is a critical part of being healthy. In order to be healthy, we need to focus on the following:
- Our body (eating, hydration, moderate exercise [as approved by your doctor], and sleep)
- Our psychological/mental needs (companionship, love, friendship, social bonds)
- Be sure to read the Science study on "Social Relationships and Health."
- Our spiritual needs (this does not need to be God, but also entails yoga, meditation, visualization techniques, and our connection with nature).
Take time to do some self-reflection and be honest with yourself on whether you're taking care of yourself so that you thrive and aren't just surviving.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
In today's episode, I discuss the tenth step from Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization's 12 Steps.
Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and, when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
As we go about our day, are we taking stock of what we've done and how we're acting? The purpose of step 10 is to take time to reflect on our past unhealthy coping mechanisms and behaviors, adjust our behavior moving forward, and admit when we've made a mistake.
For example, if someone is unable to say "No," they might be pulled into a cycle of unhealthy behaviors by continuing to have weak boundaries.
When taking stock of this step, two helpful questions are:
- Is this healthy for me?
- Is it true?
The 12 Steps are a framework to help us learn healthier behaviors. If we never saw healthy relationships while growing up, now is the time to take accountabiity and be willing to learn.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
In today's episode, I discuss the ninth step from Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization's 12 Steps.
Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Before you go out into the world and start making amends, think through why you're making the amends. Who is it for? You or them?
In this week's podcast I'll also go through the Golden rule and apply the Platinum rule to step 8.
What's the Platinum rule?
"Do unto others as they would want to be done to them."
And when you're going through your list of people to make amends to, do you have yourself on the list? Might be worth putting yourself down and thinking about what making amends to yourself would mean. You might be surprised with the wealth of emotional growth and happiness that will come from that.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
In today's episode, I discuss the seventh step from Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization's 12 Steps.
Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
Step 8 can be a ticky one. As we start to work on this step, ask yourself this question: "Why am I looking to make amends to this person?"
Is it for your own egocentric means (e.g., you're looking to get back together with an ex) and are you respecting the person? Maybe they don't wish to be contacted.
The purpose of this step is to grow and learn how to use the framework of the 12 Steps to be happier in all of your relationships.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
In today's episode, I discuss the seventh step from Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization's 12 Steps.
Step 7: Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
I know that this step, that mentions "God", might be offputting to many people, so I wanted to share this article:
- The 12 Steps for Atheists: It’s not necessarily the “God” you think
There is a lot that we can learn from step 7 as it's the point at which we are willing to admit that we need hep from others. Expressing vulnerability is not easy, so let's dive right in and discuss step 7 from a different perspective.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
In today's episode, I discuss the sixth step from Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization's 12 Steps.
Step 6: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Fear not. If you’re not interested in doing this step and stay far away from any concept of God, there’s still a lot you can get from this step.
Self-reflection, seeing yourself from a different perspective, and be willing to change.
Does “defects of character” mean that you’re “broken” or that something’s “not right” with you?
How to embrace who we are, the fullness of our existence, and not just the parts that we want people to see.
Incorporating our hurt, the pain, along with all of our experiences by owning our past allows us to step onto a new path instead of running from who we truly are.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
In today's episode, I discuss the fifth step from Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization's 12 Steps.
Step 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
What is the purpose of this step?
Do you need to believe in God to do this and the rest of the steps?
Why are we doing these steps anyway?
Can I just zip through the steps quickly and get this over with?
Why self-reflection is necessary and the power of being able to see our faults, but also not to then to peseverate on them.
In this episode, I answer these questions along with sharing why I believe the 12 Steps are a great framework on how to learn new skills and break the cycle of dysfunction.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Do you worry that something bad is going to happen when things are good?
Do you worry about the future and all the things that could happen?
When you take a step back and see that your need to worry is based around control your whole world view will change.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
In today's episode, I discuss the fourth step from Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization's 12 Steps.
Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
This step does not mean being hard on yourself. Internalizing all our faults and feeling trapped in how to change those behaviors that we know are dysfunctional is not helpful. What is helpful is to set the stage for growth by becoming aware of our faults.
It's important to reflect on mistakes we have made or are still making.
The purpose of this step is to identify unhealthy/dysfunctional behaviors, and then learn how to grow beyond them so that we're not stuck in the past.
When we reflect daily on our behaviors, we create a natural check in with ourselves.
The Platinum rule: "Treat others the way they want to be treated."
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
In today's episode, I kick off a review of the Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization's 12 Steps.
Step 3: "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand God."
Many people, understandably, do not wish to work on this step because they don't believe in God. If you do believe in God, then this step might be easier for you. But in this episode, I want to look at this step from a different perspective.
What exactly is this step about?
It's about power.
There are many times in life when we don't have power.
How do we feel when someone (or something) has power over us?
Do we struggle against it? Do we overreact? Do we try to control everyone and everything around us?
I delve deep into this step and talk about power and how our parents abused it against us and then reflect on how to look at this step from a different perspective: It's really about power and boundaries. What do we have power and accountability over and what we don't.
And when we have power ourselves, do we abuse it and make the same mistakes our parents did?
I invite you to listen and come on the journey with me.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
In today's episode, I kick off a review of the Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization's 12 Steps.
Step 2: "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."
The second steps is a hard stop for many people. As soon as there is mention of a "power greater than ourselves," people think of God.
But is there another way to look at this step?
And why is this step necessary?
I share my thoughts about step 2, how I've struggled with it, and share with you a different perspective on this challenging step.
Remember, just because I choose to follow the 12 Steps, doesn't mean that the steps will work for you. Your mileage will vary depending on your own personal beliefs. However, I do believe there are some key concepts worth reflecting on that will help you on your journey.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
In today's episode, I kick off a review of the Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization's 12 Steps.
Step 1: "We admitted we were powerless over the effects of alcoholism or other family dysfunction, that our lives had become unmanageable."
I break down the step, talk about what it means to me, and share several questions so that you can reflect on what this step means to you:
- Why would we want to do this?
- What does this even mean?
- Do you struggle with admitting that you were powerless?
- How does this make us feel?
Remember, just because I choose to follow the 12 Steps, doesn't mean that the steps will work for you. Your mileage will vary depending on your own personal beliefs. However, I do believe there are some key concepts worth reflecting on that will help you on your journey.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
In this episode, I review the first four steps to living a healthier life and then round out the last two.
Step 1
Embrace all of who you are.
Step 2
Keep a growth mindset.
Step 3
Ground yourself. Build small habits into your daily routine that act as the checks and balances to help you grow.
Step 4
Get out of your own head. Go out and help others. Volunteer and interact with others. By giving of your time, it helps you see the world as a larger place and how we're all connected.
Step 5
Be creative and have fun. Garden, paint, write, find what your creativity is and embrace it.
Step 6
What is your life’s mission? Why were you out here? What are you meant to do? Maybe you don’t feel that you have a purpose, but what drives you?
When we put all these steps together, we have the skills to start our journey on living a healthier life.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
In the last episode, I spoke about the first two steps for living a healthier life:
Step 1
Love all of who you are.
Step 2
Have a growth mindset and start asking yourself as you go about your day: Is this healthy for me? Is it true?
This week I review the next two steps:
Step 3
Ground yourself. Build small habits into your daily routine that act as the checks and balances to help you grow.
- Examples: Daily affirmations, prayer, 12 steps, and journal writing. Or talk with someone: A therapist or a trusted friend, go to an ACOA or Al-Anon meeting.
Step 4
Get out of your own head. Go out and help others. Volunteer and interact with others. By giving of your time, it helps you see the world as a larger place and how we're all connected.
- De-demphasize the importance of material possessions.
- Distance yourself from social media and the trap of Dopamine (when you post something on social media, it makes you "feel good" when you get likes.)
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Do you want to live a healthy life?
Where to start?
In this episode, I talk about the challenges of living a healthy life and talk about the first two steps:
- Step 1: Embrace all of who you are.
- Step 2: Keep a growth mindset.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
With the US holidays upon us, there's no better time than to spend 10 minutes on a simple breathing meditation. You can do this technique sitting up, lying down, or even if you're a passenger in a car. It's simple and effective.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
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I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Do you stand up for yourself?
Can you stand up for yourself?
If you're not in a safe environment and live in the US, please reach out to the National Domestic Violence hotline (or contact your local resource center if not in the US).
In this episode, I talk about how to stand up for yourself:
- At work
- In your marriage or committed relationship
- With your parents
It's not always easy to stand up for yourself, but there is a path forward if you begin practicing boundaries and get the support you need.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Do you struggle with imposter syndrome?
Why do we feel this way?
Deep down we may think that it's our fault that we couldn't stop the abuse in our household. Or maybe we were told, or it was implied, that problems were our fault.
We didn't have the training or nurturing to build up our self-esteem and self-confidence to overcome the dysfunctional family we grew up in, but we can change that.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
When asked if you deserve to be happy, how do you answer that question?
Do you fear that you're not good enough or don't deserve to be happy? Or are you afraid that if you find happiness, that it'll be taken away from you?
In this episode, I share my own personal experiences and discuss various techniques on how you can feel more confident in embracing happiness.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Noticing what your unhealthy habits are is the first step to overcoming them. On this episode, I share my own struggles, what unhealthy behaviors I used to cope with an unstable family upbringing, and share multiple skills that have helped me in my life.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
It's time to take stock and reflect on whether you're making time for those you love. Are you overcommitted at work and in other areas of your life?
Maybe you're not taking care of yourself and ensuring that you have the strong foundation that you need to thrive.
Whatever the case, site back, and listen to this week's episode in which I share some stories of my own struggles in the past and how I overcame them.
Making time for yourself and for those you love is critical to living a healthy and balanced life.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Guilt can be used as a weapon against you by those closest in your life or you can allow it to eat away at you if you allow it to.
On this week's episode, I talk about guilt, how to overcome it, and the importance of being free of it so that you can thrive.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
With the holidays fast approaching, many people who grew up in an alcoholic and/or dysfunctional family dread the holiday season.
Now that you're on a path to embrace healthy behaviors, you can also create new traditions and set boundaries to ensure that you enjoy the holidays as you would like.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
One of the most powerful tools we have is to have hope as we go through life. However, to have false hope when those with addictions are unable to admit they have a problem, that will only create more problems for us.
In this episode, I talk about the power of hope, the importance of setting boundaries with people, and on how we can navigate complex relationship problems.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Our life journey is filled with work, responsibility, and lots of things to do. But how often do we make time to have fun?
Do you feel guilty taking some time to enjoy yourself?
Learn how you can carve out time to have fun and learn about the importance of setting boundaries in your life.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Identifying self-sabotage behavior takes time, patience, and hard work, but it’s not impossible. Learn how you can identify dysfunctional behavior, understand why you fall back on the self-sabotage, and overcome it.
Critical steps in the process are:
- Self-assessment and honest look at your behavior.
- Acceptance
- Work to overcome self-sabotaging behaviors.
- Accept yourself as you are: You are worthy and loved.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Creating new and healthy habits to replace ones that you learned as a child growing up in an alcoholic and dysfunctional family takes time.
First, you'll need to reflect on your personality and be honest with yourself. What behaviors are currently unhealthy for you? Why do you keep doing them? It's important to be open and not berate yourself during this step. Be kind to yourself.
Next, focus on a foundation that's positive and put away negativity. When learning new and healthy behaviors, starting off thinking you'll fail or with negativity will create a self-fulfillment loop.
And finally, allow yourself the freedom to grow, to make mistakes, to learn.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Change comes for us no matter if we want it or not. Some change is forced on us, but sometimes it's our actively deciding to grow.
When we're going through a difficult time of change, how can we best handle it?
Learn techniques to accept, process, and apply healthy skills to enable us to grow and thrive.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
In this week's episode, I discuss a recent accident I had and how I used positive and healthy behavior skills to help me overcome my problems. Learn how you can do the same by breaking down your problems into achievable mini-issues and solve them one at a time.
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Avoiding conflict to please all the people around you sets you up for an unfulfilled life. No matter if you try to always please people at your work, in your relationships, or within your family, there are ways to take steps to create boundaries and stand up for yourself.
You are worth it.
More Information for those in an abusive relationship:
National Domestic Violence Hotline:
Hours: 24/7. Languages: English, Spanish and 200+ through interpretation service
Phone: 800-799-7233
SMS: Text START to 88788
More Information about Let Go and Be Free:
Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
The negativity that we grew up might still with us today. Do you put yourself down or hear negative thoughts?
When we hear the "you're not good enough," or "you're stupid" or the "you're not pretty enough" talk, learning to overcome those voices is essential if we're looking to life a healthier and happier life.
Want to learn more? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
In this episode, I talk about letting go of the past.
To do that, we need to:
- Choose that we're ready to let go.
- Actively work to heal.
- Accept accountability for ourselves.
Tip: When angry, use the skills you can learn from the Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life book by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.
Focus on what your needs are and how you can achieve them rather than blaming the past for your current situation.
Want to learn more? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
In this episode, I talk about finding the love of your life: yourself.
To build the foundation of a healthy relationship, it's first essential that we fall in love with ourselves. This means our quirks, good qualities, and everything in between.
I share my story along with tips of what you can do to help solidify a strong foundation of self-esteem, confidence, and worthiness within yourself.
Want to learn more? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Forgiveness is a complex and nuanced act that we can not only do to help us resolve conflicts with others, but we're also able to forgive ourselves.
In this episode, I discuss the layers of forgiveness, how it might not be so easy to do for some, and the importance of seeing forgiveness as not something that you do for others, but that also an act that you can give to yourself.
Want to learn more? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Are you making time to relax?
Take some time to write down the top 5 things that you like to do to relax. Allow yourself the time to reflect, relax, and just be.
Not everything needs to be work.
In this episode, I share my own story and focus on the importance that relaxation plays in our lives.
Want to learn more? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Overcoming your anger over the past can be a challenging process.
How do you process anger?
Do you internalize it?
Lash out at others?
In this episode, I discuss identifying the anger we grew up, learn the differences of how we deal with that anger, and propose options on how to let go of anger in healthier ways.
Tips:
- Daily journal writing
- Attend therapy
- Go to Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional family meetings
- Try out this yoga session: Fists of anger.
Want to learn more? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Healing from growing up in an alcoholic and dysfunctional family takes many paths.
Storytelling is a tool that can help you process what happened to you, grow from the event, and heal.
In this week's episode, I discuss my own story and share how we can using storytelling to heal ourselves and lead lives filled with love and hope.
Exercises:
- Attend ACOA meetings.
- Write in a journal.
- Go to therapy.
- Talk with a trusted friend.
- Write music, a play, draw, sculpt, or use the power of creativity to heal.
Want to learn more? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Gratitude is a tool that we can use to help us break out of ruminating thoughts or thinking the worst is going to happen in every situation. In this episode, I share the information about gratitude and its power to help us in our daily lives. I also discuss Angus Fletcher’s book Wonderworks and how I stumbled open the new research by scientists on want gratitude does to our brains and how it helps us.
Research:
- Effects of gratitude meditation on neural network functional connectivity and brain-heart coupling. Read the article.
- Supplemental material for a gratitude exercise as used in the research study. Read the exercise.
Want to learn more? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
With challenges overcoming the pandemic, gun violence, and a whole laundry list of issues in America as well as issues within our own families, how do we stay hopeful?
But also, when do we need to let go and move on?
In this episode, I talk through my own struggles with wanting to give up hope and why it's important to remain open to change.
We are imperfect people and the journey that we are on is imperfect as well.
Take time to recharge, heal yourself, and find peace. Hope is always available to us if we're willing to be patient.
Want to learn more? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Fear of abandonment can be the most damaging stress to handle in adult life that may have plagued you all through your relationships.
In this episode, I talk through my own struggles with fear of abandonment and share the Adult Children of Alcoholics #4 laundry list item that's about this fear.
I also open up and share some personal stories from my past along with the tools that I have used to overcome this fear.
And if you're looking for art imitating life, be sure to watch Florence + The Machine's "No Light, No Light" video that hits home with the line: "I'd do anything to make you stay."
This week's tip is a powerful one:
Take the first step. Admit where you have a problem. Instead of denying, admit where you have a weakness.
Want to learn more? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
On this week's episode, I talk about falling in love and how being in a relationship won't save you. I discuss the following topics:
- Thinking that love will “fix” all our problems.Wanti
- Wanting someone to “complete” us.
- Getting lost in being in “love.”
- Using the adrenaline rush of being in “love” as a means of escape.
I discuss how I kept repeating the same patterns again and again with each relationship.
And I come clean with myself that I couldn't “fix” or “save” anyone.
When we enter a relationship within those goals in mind, it’s only a matter of time until the relationship falls apart.
So what can we do?
Listen to the episode to hear how I learned how to overcome these relationship traps.
Want to learn more? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Tip: Discover and explore what you like to do on your own. Make time to have a “date” with yourself. Go to lunch by yourself or a movie or go out and focus on a hobby that you like.
On this week's episode, I talk about the importance of making amends. What does that mean? Who should we make amends with? When should and shouldn't we?
I share the fourth, eighth, and ninth steps from Adultchildren.org and talk through the complexities of how to make amends and the importance of our also contining to do a thorough inventory on our actions.
Learning new skills on how to have healthy reactions helps us to have fulfilling relationships rather than replicating unhealthy behaviors we learned as children growing up in an alcoholic and dysfunctional family.
Want to learn more? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Tip: Focus on the Serenity prayer. What can we change and what can’t we change?
Tip #2: Try one new thing a day. Take a walk in a different direction, read a book, make some art, exercise. Trying something new.
On this week's episode, I talk about my own struggles with anxiety and how I've built a toolkit to help me overcome worrying and anxiety. Over time, I learned to focus on:
- Body
- Mind
- Soul
By taking care of my basic needs (eating right, sleep habits, and exercise), I used that foundation to then branch into learning mindfulness, guided meditations, and visualization techniques to help me deal with anxiety.
I also share several helpful techniques that I use on a daily basis to overcome anxiety, worrying, and ruminating thoughts.
Alcoholism doesn’t just affect the person who drinks. It also affects that person’s children and grandchildren. When you grow up in a dysfunctional family, you emulate what you learned as a kid.
There is hope. You can learn a new way.
Today’s tip:
From my elementary school teacher: Play some classical music, close your eyes, and take a crayon and just draw. Enjoy being free!
Want to learn more? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
What is catastrophizing? Always thinking the worst is going to happen in a situation.
Why did we start doing this?
- Helped us survive all the dysfunction and trauma we lived through. Allowed us to be one step ahead of the problems.
Why being prepared for the worst was good to start out with as a kid.
- We were always ready, day or night, to deal with the worst. We could never let our guard down.
How it turned to being bad for us.
- We started limiting our choices.
- Didn’t take chances for fear that the worst would happen.
- Started to always see things as being negative.
- Did have fun and didn’t enjoy life as a problem was only a second away.
What can we do about it?
- Therapy
- Meditation
- Mindfulness
- (Is it healthy for me to always think the worst is going to happen? Is it true?)
- Be in the moment.
- Self parent (imagine yourself as a kid, go up to him, and hug him).
Tip: I recommend that you read the book The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level by Gay Hendricks.
Are you a good listener?
This week I talk about three different situations of listening:
- No crosstalking at Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings. Why?
- Listen to others. Really listen. Become an active listener.
- Listen to yourself. Turn off the distractions and make time to be alone with your thoughts. (No TV, music, podcasts, or social media.)
With so much to distract us in life, making time to listen to others (and ourselves) helps us become better attuned with our thoughts and feelings.
With practice, better listening can strengthen our relationships and helps us process our feelings rather than repressing them.
Want to learn more? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
Learn about the importance of taking care of ourselves and how to overcome unhealthy dysfunctional relationship behaviors.
I share how I learned about the "parent, child, and adult" voices and how we need to develop our adult voice within ourselves.
As we develop that voice, we can act rather than react in any circumstance by asking: "Is it true? Is this healthy for me?"
By focusing on the basics, no matter our age, we can move forward and live a healthier life.
Eat when hungry, sleep when tired, rest, exercise, and be good to ourselves.
Want to learn more? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.
I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.
In episode 4, I share what I’ve learned about how to have a healthy romantic relationship by recognizing repeating unhealthy dysfunctional behaviors and learning how to come to terms with our past.
Welcome to the Let Go and Be Free podcast:
A podcast for those who grew up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family.
I’m your host, Ron Vitale, author of the Let Go and Be Free: 100 Daily Reflections for Adult Children of Alcoholics series.
On this podcast, we’ll talk about everything from dealing with ruminating thoughts to stopping dysfunctional behaviors that you learned as a child in an alcoholic home. Together we’ll shine a light to dispel the shame you might have secretly been living with about your upbringing, and practical tips that will help you center yourself and live a healthier life.
Today’s topic:
What happens at an Adult Children of Alcoholics Meeting?
I share my experience of the first few times I attended an ACOA meeting and talk a bit about the first two 12 Steps.
New to ACOA? Be sure to check the official Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families website out.
If you’d like to learn more about the show and sign up for the newsletter, feel free to visit: letgoandbefree.com
In today's episode, we discuss the rise of alcohol-related deaths due to the pandemic and the importance of taking care of yourself.
Articles mentioned in the show:
- U.S. alcohol-related deaths hit highest rate in decades during coronavirus pandemic, study shows (Washington Post).
- Loving-Kindness and Compassion Meditation: Potential for Psychological Intervention (National Library of Medicine)
To learn more, be sure to check out Letgoandbefree.com.
Welcome to the first episode. I share my background, talk through the reason behind making the podcast, and share a tip about how to set healthy boundaries and leave codependency behind.
To learn more, be sure to check out Letgoandbefree.com.