Habits for Your Happily Ever After: Recent Episodes
Rebecca Mullen
Each episode offers a date-night-discussion to foster conversation, as well as a tiny habit to keep you and the one you love connected: Because happily ever after isn’t a destination, it’s a journey.
Habits for Your Happily Ever After is a place to get clear about your marriage communication. Because when your relationships are strong, you’re able to concentrate at work, reduce conflict at home, and receive support for your dreams so you have courage to live your best life. Relationship Coach, Rebecca Mullen, hosts the show filled with stories about relationship struggles and successes.
How do you take a vacation that sparks tons of joy?
Today we’re talking about vacations and my 3-part framework: Partner, Lover, Friend.
- We’ll focus on The Lover in your relationship and how to increase connection by playing more and maximizing your fun
- We’ll talk about the unique quality of The Lover: Focus on yourself and what you want
- And I’ll give you 4 questions to discover the secret formula to play more while you’re on vacation.
Date Night Discussion
Here’s 4 questions to discuss as Lovers who vacation together:
- When am I likely to be resentful of your happiness and what do I need to do to stay in my own business and make myself happy?
- When am I likely to have no opinion of my own and rely on you to make me happy?
- When am I likely to get lost in my own happiness and leave all the responsibility for details in your lap? And how can I get ahead of that?
- When have I made the best of a bad situation in the past and how can I harvest that energy to do it again?
Want more?
- Do you remember my number one rule for your happily ever after? Stay in your own business.
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The Lover in your relationship craves adventure.
The Lover is part of my 3-part framework: Partner, Lover, Friend. These are the three roles I’ve identified in your singular romantic relationship. I’m out of town on vacation, so I’m bringing you an episode from my archives where I talk about The Lover.
- You’ll hear a story about a romance that was dead and was resuscitated
- You’ll get an adventurous habit
- And I’ll give you a date night discussion topic so you and your lover can explore ways to tend the fire between you.
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Vacations are full of details: reservations, travel, and adventure. How do you share the load of logistics when it comes to vacationing with your Partner?
Today we’re talking about vacations and my 3-part framework: Partner, Lover, Friend
- Today we’ll focus on The Partner in your relationship and how to plan a great vacation and rock your to-do lists
- We’ll talk about the skills of The Partner: Leading and Following
- And I’ll give you 3 questions to open up a conversation that supports planning with your sweetheart so you create ease and reduce conflict
Date Night Discussion
Here’s 3 questions to explore as Partners who vacation together:
- Let’s get really clear about what we’re doing on vacation. How do you see the rhythm of each day going? (Setting these clear expectations will make a world of difference while you’re on your vacation.)
- Let’s get clear: Who is doing what?
- How do we want to handle money? Shall we have a budget? Shall we save enough to go wild?
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The Partner in your relationship loves to get stuff done.
Who is that “Partner?” you’re asking. I’m talking about my 3-part framework: Partner, Lover, Friend. These are the three roles I’ve identified in your singular romantic relationship. I’m out of town on vacation, so I’m bringing you an episode from my archives where I talk about The Partner.
- You’ll hear about the deep intimacy The Partner can create in your relationship from a widow who misses the smell of toast her sweetheart used to make for her every day.
- You’ll hear about a stuck period of my life when I had trouble shaking The Partner role and the damage that did to my marriage.
- You’ll hear why The Partner and The Lover are often at odds, but also why The Partner and The Lover provide the exact balance that the most intimate couples share.
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Dreaming is a vulnerable thing to do. And dreaming with your sweetheart? Doubly vulnerable. So how can you feel good dreaming about great vacations to take together?
Today we’re talking about vacations and my 3-part framework: Partner, Lover, Friend
- Today we’ll focus on The Friend in your relationship and how to increase connection by sharing your dreams
- We’ll talk about the skills of The Friend: Listening and Revealing
- And I’ll give you 3 questions to open up a conversation that supports dreaming and connecting with your sweetheart
Date Night Discussion
Here’s 3 questions to explore as Friends who vacation together:
- How can I encourage your dream?
- How can you encourage my dream?
- When is it time for us to follow our own dreams so we can come back to each other fresh and lit up inside?
Want more?
- The Secret Power of Hello in Your Relationship
- Doug and Jamee Simons on Habits for Your Happily Ever After
- Why you tend to rain on your sweetheart’s parade
- How Fear Impacts Your Relationship Communication
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The Friend in your relationship wants to feel understood.
The Friend comes from my 3-part framework: Partner, Lover, Friend. These are the three roles I’ve identified in your singular romantic relationship. I’m out of town on vacation, so I’m bringing you an episode from my archives where I talk about The Friend.
- You’ll hear how The Friend thrives when you and your sweetheart have time to just hang out
- We’ll talk about why companionship builds trust between you and your sweetheart
- And I’ll give you a date night discussion prompt to make it easier to spot the ways you and your sweetheart are good companions.
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What kills a fun time faster than anything else? Someone who doesn’t want to be there.
Not everyone has fun in the same way. When you understand what’s fun for you, it’s easier to ask your partner if they want to join you in having your kind of fun. Today we’ll talk about 6 types of fun (but there are plenty of others).
- Fall into Flow
- Bolt of Joy
- Contentment
- Fidgeting
- Something Messy
- Something Clean
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to create or refine one flavor of fun that is fun for you.
Do you want to borrow from my 6 types of fun? Or do you have an entirely different flavor of fun that I have missed?
Date Night Discussion
This week I invite you to tell your partner about a specific sort of fun you want to put into your life. My invitation is to either:
- Invite your partner to share some fun with you, or
- To describe the sort of fun you want to have on your own or with a friend.
Consider this date night discussion a chance to either issue a clear invitation to your partner or to announce that you want to go have fun alone, but you promise to return and bring a whole bunch of happiness home with you.
Want more?
- Review my number one rule for relationship happiness: Stay in your own business
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What does it look like to build a marriage where kindness becomes second nature?
I spend a lot of time helping couples figure out how to make their relationship work. Today, you'll hear a conversation with Jamee and Doug Simons, a couple who have spent nearly 50 years creating the marriage many people hope to build.
- You’ll hear what it was like for Jamee and Doug to take of a family business and balance their partnership at work with cultivating a loving marriage at home
- And you’ll hear how the kindness and generosity they foster in their community is ever-present in their relationship.
Jamee and Doug are third-generation owners of Enstrom Candies. They bought the business from Jamee's parents, Emil and Mary, in 1993. It's not easy to work side by side all day, then go home to raise children. They did it for decades. While Doug and Jamee were quick to admit there have been bumps along the way, I was struck by the generosity they bring to their relationship, their commitment to supporting each other, and their refusal to keep score. I hope their story inspires you as much as it inspired me.
Connect with my guest
Read their story: enstrom.com/pages/our-story
Website: enstrom.com
Instagram: instagram.com/enstromcandies
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Today, I bring you an interview when I was a guest on the podcast, Stronger in the Difficult Places, with psychotherapist, author, speaker, and media contributor Dr. Zoe Shaw. On her podcast, Stronger in the Difficult Places, her guiding premise is: “We’re not fixing them, we’re fixing you, and that changes everything.”
Dr. Shaw has been a guest on this podcast before to discuss the impact of shame on your relationship. In this episode, you’ll hear me talk about my book, 6 Steps to Better Marriage Communication.
Discover more from Dr. Zoe Shaw
- Read Dr. Zoe Shaw’s book, or listen to her podcast, Stronger in the Difficult Places
- Listen to episode 54: Let Go of Shame. Own Your Story to Improve Your Relationship with Dr. Zoe Shaw
- Listen to episode 55: More Dr. Zoe: Expectations, Shame + A Magic Question
- Listen to episode 125: Shame Stops the Love You Feel with Dr. Zoe Shaw
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You hate seeing your partner suffer. So, you jump to solutions.
When someone we love is hurting, our instinct is often to fix it.
But rarely do any of us want a solution.
We need a soothing presence—someone who can sit with the discomfort long enough for the pressure to ease and your words to emerge.
Today, I’m joined by Dr. David Marcus. We discuss how you can become a soothing presence in the lives of the people you love most and why that is key to emotional regulation.
- You’ll understand why you’re more likely to blame, jump to anger, or generally decompensate when you’re so full of emotion you can’t see straight
- And why it helps so much to have someone else be a soothing presence who will let you empty your emotions by simply talking and processing
- Mostly, though, you’ll learn how to become that soothing presence so that you can calm the ones you love.
Want more?
- Listen to my podcast episode about the pressure relief value
Connect with my guest
Dr. David Marcus's extensive expertise and commitment to improving the lives of individuals and families have made him a highly respected figure in the field of Clinical Psychology. His 40 years of experience in treating families under stress have made him a sought after clinical and legal resource in the Cincinnati area on the topics of parent-child communication and child advocacy.
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“Why don’t you ever initiate sex?!” vs cuddling up and kissing your sweetheart’s back. Which do you typically choose?
Do you hide your heart in the precise moment you want to be loved? Or are you willing to disclose that super tender underbelly?
Today we look at why it’s tempting to hide behind Protective Defensive Maneuvers (PDM’s) because when you start with compassion, change is easier.
- You’ll understand why you resort to PDM’s and understanding helps you forgive yourself and begin again differently.
- We’ll find some fun PDM turn-arounds like Presenting the Deeper Me.
- And we’ll reach into the archives for a very sly PDM (the protective kind) that might be part of your everyday language.
Want more?
- Read my blog post about the word "should"
- Listen to episode #1 about how misunderstandings grow from disinformation in your relationship.
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You and your partner are the authors of your relationship story. But what happens when your childhood triggers begin writing the script?
Today, my guests are Michael and Penny Gold from Relationship Alchemy.
- They share examples of relationship triggers and how to recognize the patterns underneath them
- They'll invite you to see how you can create a tiny ritual that strengthens intimacy
- And they have an endless supply of 10-minute dates to refresh your relationship
Triggers Identified, Demystified, and Disarmed
Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a conflict and wondered, "Why is this bothering me so much?" Penny has 40 years of clinical work to help you identify and disarm the triggers that are currently adding drama to your relationship.
Triggers can stop you from receiving the love your partner wants to give you. So, Penny will also help you calm your system down so that you can actually truly receive the appreciation and love your partner is offering.
Michael has an enormous rabbinical history in storytelling and meaning-making.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
Take Penny and Michael’s customizable 10-Minute date quiz and create a simple ritual of connection together. Even a few intentional minutes can strengthen intimacy and help you reconnect.
Connect with Michael and Penny Gold
Michael is an ordained rabbi, ceremonialist, and transformational guide with decades of pastoral experience working with couples and families. Penny is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in trauma, attachment, and relational healing. Together they lead sacred ceremonies, couples retreats, and medicine journeys guided by the methodology that transformed their own marriage. You can visit their website to learn more and take the 10-minute date quiz.
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Why is either/or thinking toxic for your relationship? Because it boxes out possibilities. Why is either/or thinking so tempting? Because it simplifies our complicated lives.
Today we’re noticing how toxic the unconscious but super seductive question “Either/Or” can be.
- I’ll take you through 3 reasons your brain loves to default to either/or thinking and how to use 2 words to free your mind from the limitations that either/or thinking can impart.
- Then I’ll offer you the magic words that will open your mind.
- And not only will I share with you the far-reaching consequences of this paradigm shift, we’ll practice together so you can hear how shifting the question shifts your mindset.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
Practice changing sentence structures from either/or to both/and.
Date Night Discussion
This week I invite you to employ the word "because" to change either/or thinking into an invitation for you and your sweetheart to cultivate your happily ever after.
Want more?
- In this episode, I talk about how resistance is where suffering lives.
- I talk a lot about how changing the words you use when you talk to your partner can change your relationship. Discover the power of hello and how “yes-but” kills connection.
Connect to Improve Your Relationship Communication
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One word can change the character of your relationship.
Don’t believe me? I invite you to notice how you say hello to your partner.
Does your hello say, “I’m glad to see you!” or is your hello flavored with the taste of goodbye?
I am always sending people to episode #8 of my podcast where I tell the story of how hello changed the course of my relationship with my husband. This week, I’m bringing the episode back from the archives.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
To help you avoid a sandpapery hello, and to cultivate a tender goodbye with your partner, notice the character of your hello and goodbye.
Date Night Discussion
This week, ask your partner about their most memorable goodbye.
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What questions are you asking yourself on a regular basis?
Today, I’m inviting you to ask a better question, because if you do, you’ll magically live a better life.
- We’ll talk about how questions—even those invisible questions you didn’t realize you were asking yourself—are shaping your experience of the world
- I’ll give you a habit to help you wake yourself up to the questions you didn’t realize you were asking
- And I’ll help you and your partner find the questions that will deepen your connection and your intimacy
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to rewrite your questions. We'll break it down into 3 specific steps.
- Uncover the invisible questions you’re asking.
- Notice the flavor of your question.
- Rewrite your question to match the life of your dreams.
Date Night Discussion
This week I invite you to talk with your sweetheart about the questions you want driving your relationship.
Want more?
- Try this 60-second shakedown to calm the stress caused by your relationship hurdles
Links I Mention
- Basketball selective attention test
- Shell game selective attention test
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You say yes. Your partner hears no. What happened?
Today I’m bringing you a snippet from my book, 6 Steps to Better Marriage Communication.
- You’ll hear why communication can get confusing
- If you’re married to someone who’s typical answer to your idea is “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I’ll offer you some hope
- And I’ll explain why negativity is often fear in disguise and how you can fix that negativity with just one word
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to notice the unconscious negative patterns you bring to your relationship.
Are you a person who says yes, but…?
This week notice each time you use the word “but” in a sentence after the word “yes.”
Date Night Discussion
This week I invite you to talk about the role of the word, “No,” in your relationship.
Hearing no on a regular basis can be demoralizing. These “no’s” make it tough to collaborate and they kill sexual chemistry.
- Are there occasions where your partner regularly says no to you?
- Do you feel free to say “no” to your partner?
- Where are the places in your relationship you want to feel free to say “no?”
Want more?
- Here’s an episode that will help you stop fear from polluting your relationship communication.
- While eliminating but from your relationship vocabulary will reduce lots of your conflict, you'll still probably disagree. And some of those disagreements will require a tender apology to repair your relationship. Here’s an episode where I lay out a formula for a really good apology.
Links I mention:
- Tina Fey says this “yes-but” answer will destroy the energy in a comedy scene
Connect to Improve Your Relationship Communication
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When anyone new starts coaching with me, they want immediate results.
Even if the problem they walk into my door was created over 10 years, they want me to fix it…now. Today. In a 90-minute session.
That’s not how rock-solid coaching works and I don’t even really believe that is what you want.
You don’t want a flimsy relationship that can be shifted by a fly-by-night coach offering the latest quick-fix for your relationship. Why not? Because think how shallow the roots are on that fix. The next big wind (or your next big conflict) will blow over any shallowly-rooted-relationship.
This week, I’m offering you the framework that I use in my private coaching. It includes 4 key elements:
- Celebrate
- “Good to notice”
- Tools and invitations
- The Takeaway
I’ll release one episode each day that covers a part of the framework. Three days ago, we concentrated on celebration. Two days ago, I told you about why it’s “good to notice." Yesterday, I shared some of the many tools that I offer my clients in our coaching sessions. In this episode, I’m talking about the final part of my framework: What's your takeaway?
Make sure you check out all 4 parts of my coaching framework:
Part 1: Celebrate! | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog
Part 2: “Good to notice” | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog
Part 3: Tools and invitations | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog
Part 4: The Takeaway | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog
Connect to Improve Your Relationship CommunicationVisit the show notes.
Buy my book.
Listen to my book.
Please subscribe to my newsletter here. This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers.
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Reach me at 970-210-4480
When anyone new starts coaching with me, they want immediate results.
Even if the problem they walk into my door was created over 10 years, they want me to fix it…now. Today. In a 90-minute session.
That’s not how rock-solid coaching works and I don’t even really believe that is what you want.
You don’t want a flimsy relationship that can be shifted by a fly-by-night coach offering the latest quick-fix for your relationship. Why not? Because think how shallow the roots are on that fix. The next big wind (or your next big conflict) will blow over any shallowly-rooted-relationship.
This week, I’m offering you the framework that I use in my private coaching. It includes 4 key elements:
- Celebrate
- “Good to notice”
- Tools and invitations
- The Takeaway
I’ll release one episode each day that covers a part of the framework. Two days ago, we concentrated on celebration. Yesterday, I told you about why it’s “good to notice." In this episode, I’m sharing some of the many tools that I offer my clients in our coaching sessions.
Make sure you check out all 4 parts of my coaching framework:
Part 1: Celebrate! | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog
Part 2: “Good to notice” | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog
Part 3: Tools and invitations | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog
Part 4: The Takeaway | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog
Connect to Improve Your Relationship CommunicationVisit the show notes.
Buy my book.
Listen to my book.
Please subscribe to my newsletter here. This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers.
Follow me on Tik Tok.
Reach me at 970-210-4480
When anyone new starts coaching with me, they want immediate results.
Even if the problem they walk into my door was created over 10 years, they want me to fix it…now. Today. In a 90-minute session.
That’s not how rock-solid coaching works and I don’t even really believe that is what you want.
You don’t want a flimsy relationship that can be shifted by a fly-by-night coach offering the latest quick-fix for your relationship. Why not? Because think how shallow the roots are on that fix. The next big wind (or your next big conflict) will blow over any shallowly-rooted-relationship.
This week, I’m offering you the framework that I use in my private coaching. It includes 4 key elements:
- Celebrate
- “Good to notice”
- Tools and invitations
- The Takeaway
I’ll release one episode each day that covers a part of the framework. Yesterday, we concentrated on celebration. Today, I’ll tell you about why it’s “good to notice."
Make sure you check out all 4 parts of my coaching framework:
Part 1: Celebrate! | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog
Part 2: “Good to notice” | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog
Part 3: Tools and invitations | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog
Part 4: The Takeaway | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog
Connect to Improve Your Relationship CommunicationVisit the show notes.
Buy my book.
Listen to my book.
Please subscribe to my newsletter here. This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers.
Follow me on Tik Tok.
Reach me at 970-210-4480
When anyone new starts coaching with me, they want immediate results.
Even if the problem they walk into my door was created over 10 years, they want me to fix it…now. Today. In a 90-minute session.
That’s not how rock-solid coaching works and I don’t even really believe that is what you want.
You don’t want a flimsy relationship that can be shifted by a fly-by-night coach offering: the latest quick-fix for your relationship. Why not? Because think how shallow the roots are on that fix. The next big wind (or your next big conflict) will blow over any shallowly-rooted-relationship.
This week, I’m offering you the framework that I use in my private coaching. It includes 4 key elements:
- Celebrate
- “Good to notice”
- Tools and invitations
- The Takeaway
I’ll release one episode each day that covers a part of the framework. Today, we’ll concentrate on celebration. Because habits are formed by positive emotion and that creates momentum.
When you identify and then celebrate your strengths, you're gaining momentum for your happily ever after.
Make sure you check out all 4 parts of my coaching framework:
Part 1: Celebrate! | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog
Part 2: “Good to notice” | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog
Part 3: Tools and invitations | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog
Part 4: The Takeaway | Listen to the episode | Read it on my blog
Connect to Improve Your Relationship CommunicationVisit the show notes.
Buy my book.
Listen to my book.
Please subscribe to my newsletter here. This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers.
Follow me on Tik Tok.
Reach me at 970-210-4480
Laughter makes everything better with your partner, and my guest, Chris Duffy, has written a book called, "Humor Me: How Laughing More Can Make You Present, Creative, Connected, and Happy."
Today, you’ll hear the 3 core pillars Chris outlines:
- Notice things. Be present. (Look for the odd, wacky, and awkward things: they’re funny.)
- Laugh at yourself. (My biggest laugh in the book was how a realtor described his living situation.)
- Take social risks. (He tells a super funny story about his time on LinkedIn, and why his account got shut down…eventually.)
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
Chris and his wife, Mollie, have a daily habit (he’s quick to say, “We don’t get it done every day; but that’s the aim"). They each collect things that make them laugh, then share those things at the end of the day for 5-10 minutes.
How different would your life be if you and your partner traded moments of laughter each day?
Connect with my guest
Visit Chris' website. And, while you're there, buy his book!
Listen to How to Be a Better Human.
Watch Chris' TED talk.
Connect to Improve Your Relationship CommunicationVisit the show notes.
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Listen to my book.
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Do you ever wish you could take back something you’ve said to your sweetheart? We’ve all done it: the dreaded communication blunder.
Today we’re rebooting your communication one yucky phrase at a time. I’ll demonstrate the ick. Then we’ll reword, re-examine, and reboot.
Because wouldn’t it be better if your marriage was a long string of conversation pearls you’ll treasure forever rather than a tangled mess?
Today, we’re fixing your communication blunders one lousy example at a time:
- We’ll examine 6 communication blunders and explore the repairs you could make to have cleaner communication
- We’ll also look at the internal frustrations and overwhelm that cause us to communicate poorly
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week, take a good look at your communication blunders. One of my favorite times to repair a communication blunder is when I'm driving. I'm alone, the world is passing me by, and my brain just works at a different level when I'm in the car like that.
Instead of taking that drive to beat yourself up about your communication blunder or to justify why it was deserved, practice being the better version of yourself as you drive, or as you work out, or when you're alone in the shower.
Connect to Improve Your Relationship CommunicationVisit the show notes here.
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What happens to your relationship when you or your partner attempt a moonshot?
A moonshot—by definition—is a reach. It will ask more of you than feel like you can give. Your moonshot will stretch you, and, just when you think you’re completely laid out flat, your moonshot will...you guessed it...ask for more. This MORE can be stressful. And we know what stress does to your relationship.
Today, Laverne McKinnon is returning to the podcast to help you discern between all the stressors a moonshot can bring into your life:
- Laverne will give you practical tools for negotiation when you face the relationship stress of a moonshot
- She’ll guide you with her 7 steps
- And help you distinguish between the three voices that are likely to show up in your head
Connect to Improve Your Relationship CommunicationVisit the show notes here.
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Laverne McKinnon has been a film and television producer, as well as a senior executive in Hollywood at CBS and EPIX. These days she’s on the faculty at Northwestern University and is a Career Strategist and Grief Coach. She leads an ongoing group program called Solid Ground for people who are navigating a disruption or upset at work.
Are you a practical joker?
I know you want to laugh with your partner. But there are so many details in life, right? And when life gets that busy, sometimes the laughter falls out.
I mean you’re sick, or you’re working until midnight because FINALLY the house is quiet. These living conditions don’t really lend themselves to a good gafaw.
How do you FIND laughter when you’re overwhelmed with living?
Today, I want to offer you 3 ways to plant laughter in your life.
- “Plant” something wacky in your front yard
- Tell a Tall Tale
- Capture an odd moment
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to play a practical joke on someone you love, or WITH someone you love.
Date Night Discussion
This week I invite you to talk with your partner about the practical jokes of your collective past.
Was there a high school prank either of you played? How do you feel about practical jokes? Is there a style of joke that you want your partner to know is off limits for you? That wouldn’t be funny, but rather might hurt your feelings?
Is there a practical joke you’d love to start with your neighborhood or other community?
Who do you know that would benefit from the feeling of inclusion your prank might play?
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How is your career impacting your relationship?
Think about it this way: when you have a bad day at work, what happens when you get home? It’s easy for your partner to get the worst version of you when you’re unhappy at work, right?
What if you lose your job? How might that impact your relationship? What if your partner got such an amazing promotion that it invited you to move to a new city and afford a house of your dreams? Are you beginning to see the ocean of emotion that careers can bring to the hearth of your relationship?
Today, I introduce you to grief specialist and career coach, Laverne McKinnon.
- We’ll talk about why giving your grief a voice reduces pain. Because when we don’t acknowledge our pain, it lingers.
- But she’ll help us see that we’re not here to “fix”. We’re here to integrate.
- And you’ll get Laverne McKinnon’s RISE formula that offers 4 tasks to help you with that integration.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to slow down the way Laverne demonstrated in this episode. Did you notice how she slowed her breathing? Closed her eyes. Put her hands over her heart?
When we do these things, we deepen our connection to our parasympathetic nervous system which is about resting and digesting. This slower state of consciousness allows us to tune into those invisible things we’re grieving. When we name them, so much of the work is already done. Grief likes to be seen, felt, acknowledged, and let go.
Laverne talks about how we have an ethical responsibility to rest. I love this commandment that gave me so much permission.
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Connect with my guest
Laverne McKinnon has been a film and television producer, as well as a senior executive in Hollywood at CBS and EPIX. These days she’s on the faculty at Northwestern University and is a Career Strategist and Grief Coach. She leads an ongoing group program called Solid Ground for people who are navigating a disruption or upset at work.
Does one kiss matter?
My short answer is: yes.
Because the things we do every day–the mundane things that we hardly notice if at all—these tiny moments make more difference in your relationship than anything else. That is because of the power of compounding.
Today we’re talking about my favorite thing: making the invisible visible.
- I’ll tell you a kissing story that happens in my mud room
- We’ll talk about Alpha Centauri and the compounding power of invisibility
- And I’ll offer you encouragement if you need some courage to be gentle
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to go looking for your invisible rituals. You might not know about them because, after all, they are currently invisible.
But we can make them visible simply by looking for them.
Date Night Discussion
If you’ve looked at your invisible ritual and you realize you have your home’s equivalent to my mud room moment, I invite you to notice it aloud.
But what if you’ve looked at your invisible ritual and you realize you have that nothingness, or your ritual is more likely to be flavored badly than sweetly? If this is the case at your home, I don’t invite you to have a discussion about it.
Instead, I invite you to change it.
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What are you hesitant to forgive?
Are there “unforgivable” things in your past? Are you feeling STUCK because you can’t bring yourself to forgive?
Today I have a conversation with the author of The Forgive Process, by Dr. Lee Baucom. I love the way Dr. Baucom writes about forgiveness. Do you know why? Because he gives YOU all the agency.
- He explains why forgiveness is for YOU, not the person who wronged you. He doesn’t say you “have to” forgive. He says you “get to” forgive.
- We’ll talk through his 6-step process to help you practice forgiveness because you’ll feel more free.
- Over and over you’ll see how you can take back your life, get unstuck, and have more agency when you employ these tools of forgiveness.
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Connect with my guest
Visit Dr. Baucom’s website.
Listen to the Save the Marriage Podcast.
Read one of Dr. Baucom's books.
Download the UnPause app.
Do you like the drama in your relationship?
Hollywood trains us to believe that intimacy lives in the heart of conflict. All those Hollywood stories are about some huge obstacle and the music swells when they…finally…come together.
But there is no swelling soundtrack that underscores your relationship. And navigating obstacles is hard! And most of us don’t have great skills to navigate those challenges, so we just make a mess.
Today, we talk about how drama impacts your relationship.
- You'll hear about how big questions and grand gestures can light up your life and the shadow that it also might cast on your relationship
- Do you and your partner think about drama differently? I'll offer a story from my marriage to help you ponder that question.
- And you'll hear about the consistent, ever-present, but not very sexy or dramatic, style of loving that might also lead to your happily ever after
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to make a choice when it comes to the drama in your relationship.
How can you simply show up rather than out shine? Where could your life benefit from some consistency?
Date Night Discussion
I invite you to talk about the role of drama in your home.
- What are your favorite Hollywood dramas? How do those dramas show up in your relationship?
- How would you describe the roles in your home?
- What are the ways your various dramatic moments enhance your intimacy?
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What do blueberry pancakes and butterflies have to do with your happily ever after?
They’re part of divorce mediator Joe Dillon’s advice for staying married.
I’m a relationship coach. It's odd that I would want to introduce you to a divorce mediator, but he has so much great information to share with us about what he sees when it comes to divorces:
- I found Joe Dillon online and his body of work was so extensive that I wanted to share it with you.
- Joe is going to help you understand what typical patterns bring people to his office so that you can use those as a cautionary tale.
- He'll also tell you what butterflies and blueberry pancakes have to do with your happily ever after.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit helps you make space for the individual inside of the shared life.
Joe and Cheryl have regular marriage meetings, and it was at one of these meetings that they exchanged legal pads full of their bucket list items. This helped them realize that even though they share a life, they may not share every dream. Joe and Cheryl decided that although they live in Southern California where there's a beach for Cheryl, they'll take a month during the year to move to Chicago so that Joe can get his city fix.
I invite you to trade bucket lists with your partner. What dreams do you share? Where will you have to compromise?
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Connect with my guest
Joe Dillon is a divorce mediator at Equitable Mediation. His unique blend of financial acumen, mediation expertise, and personal insights enable him to skillfully guide couples through complex divorce negotiations and reach fair agreements that safeguard the family’s emotional and financial health.
Visit website here.
Connect on social media here.
What kind of Friendship date is good for your relationship?
Has life been noisy and busy and you just need some time of shared silence to both reset? What style of date would help you hush the ever-present noise filling your life? Maybe you need a date where you have some dedicated time to understand what your sweetheart is feeling.
Remember my framework of Partner, Lover, Friend? I’ve identified 3 roles inside your singular relationship: Partners want to achieve together. Friends assure each other we belong together. Lovers want to explore together.
- Valentine’s Day is coming up and there is a lot of pressure to have THE PERFECT date, but I want to challenge this notion of THE PERFECT date.
- Instead, I’d like to talk about great dates for the three roles inside your relationship. Let’s break it down into three episodes to talk about each role: Partner, Friend, and Lover.
- Today we’re talking about designing a great date for the Friend inside your relationship.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to put a Friendship-building date night onto your calendar.
Date Night Discussion
This week I invite you to talk about the kinds of dates that promote Friendship in your relationship. Your Friendship will be deepened by two things: talking and listening.
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What type of date does the Lover inside your relationship need?
Remember my framework of Partner, Lover, Friend? I’ve identified 3 roles inside your singular relationship: Partners want to achieve together. Friends assure each other we belong together. Lovers want to explore together.
- Valentine’s Day is coming up and there is a lot of pressure to have THE PERFECT date, but I want to challenge this notion of THE PERFECT date.
- Instead, I’d like to talk about great dates for the three roles inside your relationship. Let’s break it down into three episodes to talk about each role: Partner, Friend, and Lover.
- Today we’re talking about designing a great date for the Lover inside your relationship.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to put a Lover date (or several!) onto your calendar.
Date Night Discussion
This week talk about the types of Lover dates that your relationship might need.
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The Partner role in your relationship asks, “Can I rely on you?”
The Lover asks, “Do you make my life exciting?”
And the Friend asks, “Do you really know me?”
Remember my framework of Partner, Lover, Friend? I’ve identified 3 roles inside your singular relationship: Partners want to achieve together. Friends assure each other we belong together. Lovers want to explore together.
- Valentine’s Day is coming up and there is a lot of pressure to have THE PERFECT date, but I want to challenge this notion of THE PERFECT date.
- Instead, I’d like to talk about great dates for the three roles inside your relationship. Let’s break it down into three episodes to talk about each role: Partner, Friend, and Lover.
- Today we’re talking about designing a great date for the Partner inside your relationship.
If you’re new to my podcast and you’d like an overview of the three roles, listen to my last episode with Dayna Haig-Conway, a therapist in Fernie, British Columbia who recently interviewed me.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to create a recipe for a Partner date at your house. I use 5 steps when I’m coaching couples to find a Partner date:
- Identify a conflict.
- Identify the dream you each have for a shared life.
- Build a bridge from conflict to your dream.
- Plan to fail.
- Begin again.
Date Night Discussion
I invite you to have a discussion with your sweetheart about how and why you appreciate the Partner you already have.
This week invite your sweetheart for a slice of toast, a cup of coffee, and tell your sweetheart 3-5 things that you appreciate about sharing a life with them.
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“What if relationship conflict isn’t about communication SKILLS–but about misunderstood needs?”
This is the foundational question Fernie resident and Counselor, Dayna Haig-Conway asked me when I got to be a guest on her podcast–CAMP Conversations: Keys to Resilience–recently.
I’m eager to share her conversation with you. Dayna’s approach is to search for “the needs behind the needs,” and I am thrilled I get to introduce you to this gem of a human being:
- You’ll hear how The Partner, The Lover, and The Friend can unintentionally compete with each other, confusing your communication and making it tough to see what each person truly needs.
- You’ll hear why naming HOW you communicate matters as much as WHAT you’re saying. Hint: your animal body communicates too.
- You’ll get some simple language shifts that will reduce defensiveness and cultivate understanding with your sweetheart.
Connect with Dayna Haig-Conway
- I invite you to listen/watch her podcast.
- Explore the world of resilience and service she’s building for front line caretakers like nurses and teachers.
- Or book a discovery call with her to see how she might be able to help you locate the needs behind your needs.
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What’s the best thing you can do to create momentum with a habit?
If you want to form a new habit, psychologists tell us the biggest momentum builder is a positive emotional rush. Joy. Today we talk about the most important part of the habit-building cycle: celebration.
- You’ll learn why celebrating those tiny changes in the directional vector toward your destination matters so much
- You’ll hear about the biology of celebrating and how it contributes to habit formation
- And you’ll get a host of questions to help you celebrate to strengthen your own efforts at habit formation rather than relying on circumstances to make you feel better.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is…to celebrate!
To help you celebrate better and more consistently, I’ve designed a couple questions to guide you. Use these questions to help you mine for the positive emotions associated with the way you’re living your life.
Date Night Discussion
Today the discussion I want to suggest isn’t with your partner, but rather with yourself.
And it’s a simple question. I invite you to ask yourself, “Did I truly let myself see and celebrate the tender habit of hello (or whatever habit you are building) I am creating?”
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How is your negativity bias impacting your relationship, and taking you off course?
Today, we’re talking about that little voice we all have that tends to focus on what’s wrong in our relationship instead of what’s right.
Last week I shared a favorite quote from Jim Rohn, “Direction determines destination.” We talked about planes that are off course 90% of the time they’re in the air, but still manage to land in the appointed destination.
The critical element for a pilot is to keep refining that vector of direction, a little north…oh! Overshot it. Now a little south. North again. South a smidge. Until your destination is inevitable.
Similarly, when you’re able to focus on your direction—and all the tiny vectors of habits we talk about on this show—the destination of happily ever after takes care of itself.
But what happens when that negative voice pipes up saying, “You never flush the toilet?” Or “You never kiss me hello.”
- We’ll talk about how this tiny voice is trying to help you, even if it’s really annoying
- I’ll offer you 3 specific steps to mollify that voice
- And, I’ll guide you with a discussion prompt so you and your partner can get past the negativity and connect with more hopefulness
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to practice the negativity bias trifecta:
- Name it
- Tame it
- Muscle up
Date Night Discussion
This week I invite you to talk about your negativity bias with your partner.
Tell your partner all the various disguises it might wear. Ask about your partner’s negativity bias.
I recommend naming it something goofy. Get a tchotchke that will help you develop a humorous relationship with your negativity bias.
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Do you ever feel frustrated because you’re experiencing the same stumbling blocks you faced last year?
And you thought you’d dealt with those…but here you are again. Yuck.
I am a life coach. I hear this complaint over and over. We work on something, my client and I. There’s a shift. Life is good. My client feels motivation and freedom, and then, a year later: Bam. They’re back where they started.
Today, we discuss one of my favorite quotes from Jim Rohn, “Direction determines destination.”
- We’ll talk about a fallacy that might be keeping you from feeling happy today
- You’ll learn about what airplanes and the pilots who fly them have to do with your happiness
- And I’ll introduce you to the word asymptote and tell you how just that idea can make you happier
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to examine where your life is an asymptote. An asymptote is a mathematical concept that, when expressed as a line on a graph, the line gets closer and closer to the x axis, but never actually touches it. Where are you getting closer and closer to the life of your dreams?
You might even want to plot some points on your graph of life so that you can SEE how much closer to your dream life you’ve gotten.
Date Night Discussion
This week I invite you to talk with your partner about destination and direction.
What is a destination you’re chasing? What vectors of habit are you using to point you there?
What kind of support would you love to have from your partner when it comes to your habit vectors?
What hope would you like to stir or inspire when it comes to who you will become as you travel the road on your way to your destination?
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What is it like to spend Christmas Day alone?
We all hate to be left out.
Today, on Christmas Day, I want to talk with you about loneliness. If you are alone today, and lonely, I want you to know I wrote this episode for you.
- I’ve experienced deep, dark, terrifying loneliness AND I found a bridge to turn that loneliness into an abiding joy.
- I’m going to tell you about how one of my clients found their way out of a similar loneliness
- And I’m going to tell you how I understand my parents’ divorce—the source of my loneliness—differently after finding my way out of that loneliness.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to go on a research adventure to find all the beauty in brokenness.
When we look for the beauty in the brokenness of things where we don’t have an emotional attachment, we begin to develop a different relationship with brokenness. We begin to see example after example of how gorgeous brokenness can be.
3 Stories of lonelinessI tell 3 stories in this episode. The first story is about how loneliness feels in your body. I talk about dark caves and deep seas.
Then I tell 2 stories about how my parents included me in their loneliness, but also taught me to cultivate joy: a bridge to healing our own loneliness. My mother taught me to make sand castles, and my father taught me to make up new rules to Monopoly when the game needs to change.
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We want to belong. We want to belong with all our friends and our community.
Our friends are having a drink, and we wanna belong so we take the drink, even though we know that we’re gonna struggle to wake up in the morning. Or we eat the sugary treat because someone made it for us, but it’s gonna give us a headache an hour later.
How can you participate in treats and feel the group celebration without diminishing your connection to yourself?
This is the discussion we have on the podcast today as I continue my discussion with Dawn Larson (a therapist) and Amy (a 12-Step participant).
Resources
Here’s a link to my Sober January podcast episode last year.
One of my clients wrote a book about their journey with sobriety and I had the privilege of coaching during the writing of that project.
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How does your sobriety–or lack thereof–impact your relationship?
Emotions are a huge part of relationship. When you’re able to be sober with your emotions, your honesty and vulnerability cultivate trust and connection grows.
We turn to addictions when we’re uncomfortable with our emotions. We want to hide from them or numb out. So you eat a quart of ice cream or you down a 6-pack of beer. Your addiction confuses your emotional state. You’re unable to be honest and alienation is fostered, trust is undermined, and your relationship connection weakens.
In this episode, I speak with Dawn Larson (a therapist) and Amy (a 12-Step member). We investigate the various ways to define our own sobriety. You’ll hear us discuss eating, binging and a host of other addictions, but what we’re in search of is a definition of sobriety.
Resources
In the episode Dawn mentions The Heart of Recovery approach to healing. Here is a link to a discussion about that approach.
Here’s a link to my Sober January podcast episode last year.
One of my clients wrote a book about their journey with sobriety and I had the privilege of coaching during the writing of that project.
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What’s your favorite meal? What was your favorite way to play outside as a kid? What does your favorite memory smell like?
These are questions that are part of the culture in my house. When my kids were growing up, I asked about their favorite moment of the day, their favorite interaction with a friend, or their favorite moment to be away from me (this question was born during the teenage years).
I ask about favorites because it’s so easy to complain, to focus on the negative, or to harbor resentments and focus on injustice. I knew I was going to be that small voice in the back of my kids’ mind for decades to come. I wanted that voice to be about seeing the good stuff.
Today, I give you 52 ways to ask, “What’s your favorite?”
- I designed this episode to be used on road trips. Listen to me ask the favorite’s question, pause the podcast, and go around the circle with answers.
- There are no rules. Your conversation will get diverted. That’s great!
- The Favorites Game will always be here for you, if and when your conversation slows down and you want another favorite prompt from me. I hope you enjoy playing the game as much as my family does.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to play the game with someone you love, someone brand new, or someone with whom you don’t know what else to talk about.
In the episode, I ask you 52 “What’s your favorite?” questions. Listen and pause after each question to give your answers.
If you'd like to purchase your own deck of "What's Your Favorite" cards, text me at 970-210-4480 and let me know you're interested. I've just designed them and I'd love to get you a deck of your own.
Date Night Discussion
I’m going to invite you to talk about what creates preference. What makes something your favorite?
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The holidays can be a time of high stress. What if a tiny pause could help you respond thoughtfully instead of reacting to the stress, so you can cultivate connection instead of pushing your partner away?
Today, we talk about the power of the pause and why it's so important at this particular time of year. I’ve brought back clips from previous guests to offer you three perspectives on why pausing can be so powerful for your relationship:
- You'll hear from Chantel Landeros, who talks about the 90-second pause in any kind of conflict
- You'll hear from Kate, who talks pausing to examine your energy when it comes to invitations
- And you’ll hear from Mary Beth Luedtke, who invites us to pause and identify the trigger from our past that is impacting us in the present moment
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This bonus episode of Habits for Your Happily Ever After is a reminder to find what's funny as you're heading home for the holidays. When you can be the one who brings laughter to the room, you can put the "fun" in dysfunction.
You'll hear a segment from my interview with my son, Logan, and how his superpower is being able to laugh no matter how a conflict goes.
Listen to this week's episode for more ideas on how to put the "fun" in dysfunction this holiday season.
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Your mom slays you in that way that only she can and says, “Oh, I see you’ve julienned the carrots when I asked for slices.”
For you, it might not be your mom. But I bet there’s someone in your family of origin who makes you feel … less than.
Today, I’ve got a few games for you to play during this holiday season as you visit your family. I have 4 intentions with today’s episode:
- My hope is that these games will keep you laughing instead of crying so that…
- Your relationship with your relatives gets stronger instead of more distant because…
- There is a particular feeling of belonging that only comes from those people who knew you when you were itty bitty.
- But we also know that those are the people who can DRIVE YOU CRAZY like no one else. So it might take a special mindful effort to maintain or grow those relationships. Especially, as you integrate your partner into your family of origin.
You can download my holiday bingo template here.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after has 4 steps:
- Be in charge of yourself: your own body, mind, and spirit. If you’re struggling with this, listen to my episode from a couple weeks ago about loving the person who votes differently from you. You can calm your body with the right tools.
- Laugh. Laugh at yourself. Laugh at your relatives. Invite your relatives to laugh at the whole mess.
- Come to the party ready to spread some joy. Shout out anything that might make the room of people you’re with a little happier.
- Have compassion. Go looking for the capacity genius in each of your relatives. When you find their unique capacity, it will be a little easier to forgive them for having so little capacity to manage their own emotions or behaviors.
Date Night Discussion
It’s important to give your partner perspective on how they regress when they visit their family of origin. And to normalize that rather than pathologize it. We all regress a little. We fall into habits from our childhood.
How can you laugh about these regressions rather than getting frustrated? How can you remind yourself that you don’t live with the version of yourself that your partner becomes when they’re with their mother? How can you thank your partner for being patient with you when you regress?
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Bodies tell the truth. We may not like the truth they tell, but your body doesn’t lie.
This is why you can’t “find the right words” to say something you don’t truly feel/believe. Your body will be at odds with those “right words” and the person to whom you’re talking will leave the conversation feeling confused. This is one of the primary truths that Kasia Urbaniak, author of Unbound: A Woman’s Guide to Power, is helping us understand in her book.
Today is a first on my podcast: I’ve invited you all to come and be a part of my first book club discussion:
- Our first book is called Unbound: A Woman’s Guide to Power and it’s written by Kasia Urbaniak
- We’ll talk about what makes it so difficult for so many of us women to initiate and uphold a firm boundary (hint: desire plays a much bigger role than you might realize)
- And we’ll talk about how gender has played such a big role in power as well as offer a hopeful message for normalizing power dynamics when it comes to gender roles
I want you to join my next book club discussionSubscribe to my newsletter so you don't miss the invitation to participate.
And, text me at 970-210-4480 to let me know which relationship books you’re interested in reading and discussing at the next book club.
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Notice. Notice without judgement.
When you’re able to do that, you get into a meditative state that allows you to shift your behavior, and live a better life. No candles or incense required.
It sounds so simple, right? What’s the big deal with noticing?
Well, lemme tell you: almost all of my clients resist noticing their body. I do too. It takes too much time. Too much energy. But actually, ignoring your body leads to stress, illness, and definitely unhappiness.
Today, we’ll welcome back Allison Evans who talked to us about The Body Budget recently.
- Allison will teach us how to notice yourself without judgement so you keep your Body Budget well-tended.
- And we’ll unlock the power of meditation—which is just a codified way of saying notice. Notice your body without judging your body’s needs.
Connect with my guest
Visit website here.
Connect on social media here.
Register for Allison's free workshop on November 12th, 2025 here.
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Reckoning. Where do you compromise for your partner? Where do they compromise for you?Every marriage requires compromise. There comes a point when you realize you and your partner don’t always fit perfectly. You married a separate person, with their own history and agenda. Choosing to stay—despite unmet needs, hurts, and those moments of wondering if things will ever change—can lead to a real, reliable love that goes beyond fairytale fantasies.
Long relationships inevitably experience a “reckoning.” This is that point where neither person is willing to compromise. Each person says, “My way.” So you are forced to choose: The highway? Or do you stay?
Stay in spite of the fact that your sweetheart isn’t gonna budge? You’re unwilling to change too?
Yikes!
Then what?
Today, my guest is Bonnie ComfortBonnie is a psychotherapist and author of Staying Married is the Hardest Part. Her story shows the complexity, contradiction, and loneliness that can exist in a loving marriage, alongside the joy and togetherness.
- You’ll hear about the reckoning in her marriage. It was about sex, her husband’s fetish, and her struggle to find her own personal agency.
- You’ll get fed with an example of how a relationship can survive through a reckoning and how love can deepen despite differences.
- And you’ll get a habit to help you focus on the one thing you can change in your relationship: you.
The Sexy DetailsThe reckoning in Bonnie's marriage was about their different sexual appetites. Her husband was raised in a conservative Christian environment where sex was forbidden. As a result, he developed sexual fetishes that allowed him to "cheat" and get a little action.
This conversation explores all the implications, all the compromises, and all the places where they wouldn't compromise for each other.
Bonnie Comfort fell in love with a man who made her laugh. She describes many difficult moments in her marriage. Really difficult. But she also describes all the ways her husband would make her laugh which made her fall in love with him all over again.
Marriage is both. The laughter and the hard. This is why there's a reckoning.
Habit for your happily ever afterThis week's habit for your happily ever after is to notice if you keep having the same fight over and over in your marriage. I wonder if there is a reckoning for you that you're not going to change your partner and your partner's not going to change you?
In Staying Married is the Hardest Part, Bonnie Comfort addresses how “It’s always easier to see how you’d be happier if the other person changes, but such a focus interferes with thinking about the only thing you can control: your own behavior.”
Consequently, she designed two questions for her clients that I invite you to use:
- What do you think your own role might be in the conflict?
- And how might things improve if you changed your part?
Connect with my guest
Visit Bonnie Comfort's website here.
Get Bonnie's book, Staying Married is the Hardest Part, here.
Connect on social media here.
Connect to Improve Your Relationship CommunicationVisit the show notes here.
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Is there someone in your life that you love dearly and they vote differently from you? And their choice to vote so differently is making it hard for you to be close to them? Love them, even?
I had a marriage therapist ask me to do a podcast episode about our nation’s polarization because it is ending marriages. This is my attempt at this difficult topic. I’m going to talk in the episode as if it’s your partner that votes differently because that’s a huge struggle for people right now. But if it’s not your partner, each time I say “Partner” or "Sweetheart," I invite you to substitute the person’s name with whom you struggle.
In this week’s episode of my podcast, I tell you a story about when I realized my husband and I believed RADICALLY differently. My marriage has gotten stronger and stronger because I leaned into the difference rather than fighting it or pretending it didn’t exist.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to keep your body calm so your heart can remain open.
Date Night Discussion
How are your partner’s political opinions an example of love? A different way to put love into the world? When you start with this question, and you keep your animal body calm, and you remember (and reimagine the animal body feeling of that love) you can be genuinely curious.
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What if talking about money could create as much intimacy with your partner as walking hand in hand, or staying out late drinking your favorite beverage staring into each other’s eyes?
You want to be able to count on your partner to do their part when it comes to paying not just the bills, but saving for a great vacation or setting aside money so the kids have not just what they need, but also some fun money, because we all know that watching your kids’ happiness doubles your own happiness.
But what if you and your partner have trouble talking about money? What if the only time you actually talk about money is when you HAVE to, and the conversation devolves into argument?
How do you find a better way?
That’s what we’re talking about today in the third and final segment of our conversation about money in your relationship. The HOW of money conversations so that you and your partner feel bonded whenever you talk about money:
- In episode one of this money series I offered you three tools to remove shame and blame: noticing, curiosity, and leading with your values
- Last week we talked about how to find a YES! so big that it makes saying NO easy.
- In this episode, we’ll focus on 4 practical tools to get control of your money so you and your partner are united when it comes to money rather than divided.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week's habit for your happily ever after is to employ the four tools I've offered you today. Don't expect yourselves to be good at using the tools when you begin. These are lifetime tools. The goal is to practice with them. And your practice will assure your mastery over time.
Connect to Improve Your Relationship CommunicationVisit the show notes here.
The Money Coaching Conversation
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When you find a big enough YES! it's easy to say NO! A big enough YES keeps you tuned into your deepest values. You'll be wired to eliminate frivolous spending and wasted money.
Today, we continue our 3-part discussion about money.
Last week we talked about your money mindset. As a reminder, It's critical to hear the WHOLE story from your partner when it comes to money. There are 3 skills to help you hear that whole story: Notice, Get curious, and Understand your partner's deepest values.
In this episode, I’ll tell you about my son’s journey with his own money mindset and how his values deepened and his spending changed as he matured.
Date Night Discussion
This week, I invite you to ask yourself some questions to help clarify your values around money:
- Who do you long to become?
- What story do you want your mother, your father (or that person in your life you most want to make proud), what story do you want them to tell about the way you used money to become the biggest version of yourself?
- Can you name the desires that money bought you when you were young?
- Can you name how those desires changed when you were first living on your own? How about now?
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Listen to my TEDx talk here.
What happens when you have a toxic, or even just tenuous, relationship with money? How does that impact the relationship with your partner?
Today, we discuss your money mindset, and how conversations about money impact your relationship.
- We’ll talk about three crucial money elements that will radically change the way you connect to your partner.
- We’ll discuss the three hang ups that can sabotage your money conversations.
- And I’ll invite you to practice a habit that has the power to end most of your future conflicts about money.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
Are you ready for a habit that, if you ACTUALLY practice it, will end the bulk of your conflicts about money?
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to come up with a phrase you and your partner can use to promote non-judgmental noticing and curiosity that will lead you to better understand what you each value.
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I believe Dr. Zoe’s 11 questions have such healing power (especially if you’ve read her book and let her story help you untangle your own complex shame) that I wanted to give you an easy space to revisit these questions.
Connect with my guest
Visit Dr. Zoe Shaw's website here.
Read Dr. Zoe Shaw's book, Stronger in the Difficult Places.
Listen to the Stronger in the Difficult Places podcast.
Connect on Instagram here.
Connect to Improve Your Relationship CommunicationBuy my book.
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Do you ever wonder why, even when your partner treats you tenderly, that you still feel empty? Or invisible?
Shame steals the love you are able to feel. Shame steals that love before it’s able to land in your heart, because you feel unworthy. You simply can’t receive love even when it is abundant around you.
If you’ve felt this way, I want you to meet psychotherapist and author, Dr. Zoe Shaw. Today, we bring you a revealing conversation about shame:
- We’ll talk about her new book, Stronger in the Difficult Places: Heal Your Relationship with Yourself by Untangling Complex Shame.
- She’ll explain how and why shame gets woven into our identity so tightly that we can’t feel the love waiting for us in all kinds of places.
- And I reveal the moment my husband discovered my shame, and how it changed the character of our marriage.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
For this week’s habit for your happily ever after, I demonstrate how I found and connected to my own shame while reading Zoe’s book.
Date Night Discussion
Dr. Zoe invites you to have a regular meeting with yourself. She calls it therapy without the therapist. She has 11 (my favorite number) questions for you to ponder. Here’s 4 of my favorites:
- How have I disconnected (from my partner) this week because of my shame?
- How can I connect in a healthy way instead?
- How can I acknowledge my part in this?
- How can I forgive myself for my shortcomings?
Connect with my guest
Visit Dr. Zoe Shaw's website here.
Read Dr. Zoe Shaw's book, Stronger in the Difficult Places.
Listen to the Stronger in the Difficult Places podcast.
Connect on Instagram here.
Connect to Improve Your Relationship CommunicationVisit the show notes here.
Buy my book.
Listen to my book.
Please subscribe to my newsletter here. This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers.
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I'm popping into your podcast feed to remind you about my new book club. SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER to join.
The first book will be Unbound: A Woman's Guide to Power by Kasia Urbaniak. I am so excited to share this book with you and discuss how it applies to relationships.
Join me for the book club on October 13th at:
- 5 p.m. Pacific
- 6 p.m. Mountain
- 7 p.m. Central
- 8 p.m. Eastern
In order to receive your invitation, make sure you're signed up for my email list. That’s where I’ll send you more information and the Zoom link to join.
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Sexual magnetism and general attractiveness begin with falling in love with yourself.
The problem is that many people (and mostly I notice this in women, though not exclusively) find their worthiness in other people’s approval.
When you’re chasing anyone else’s approval, you lose touch with your own desires. When you lose touch with your own desires, you slowly become less desirable. Because you’ve lost your vitality. Your verve. What makes you excited has faded from view.
In this episode, you get to hear from Bern Mendez. Typically, you’d find Bern on YouTube. He helps women who are attracting Mr. Wrong learn how to attract Mr. Right instead.
Today, you’ll hear why a little boredom might be just what your deepest soul is longing for, and why silence might wake up a forgotten desire.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week, Bern Mendez offers a habit for women to practice so they can show up more authentically as themselves and feed the energy and the magnetism in their relationship.
Bern invites you to do anything that makes you feel more alive. Follow your heart, and do the things that put you in a place where you experience more depth, joy, and aliveness.
In our conversation, Bern also talks about this list of questions from poet David Whyte and this game from Esther Perel.
Connect with my guest
Visit Bern Mendez's website here.
Check out Bern's YouTube channel here.
Connect on social media here.
Connect to Improve Your Relationship CommunicationVisit the show notes here.
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I'm starting a new relationship book club, and I want you to join.
Do you want to discuss books about relationship with me, and maybe even end up on the podcast? Take a minute and SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER so you don't miss the invitation to sign up.
Fill out this survey and let me know what book you're dying to discuss.
You make assumptions. You want your partner to change. What if I told you the reason you do these things is romantic?
Today, we talk about two main elements I see that make it difficult to stay in your own business: Blending and judging.
- We talk about how the feeling of oneness you have with your sweetheart creates confusion and makes it hard to stay in your own business.
- We'll talk about why judging your sweetheart is a stumbling block for staying in your own business.
- And I'll give you a habit for how to stop judging and unblend with your sweetheart.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
Instead of saying “should” when talking to your partner, simply change the word to “would.”
Date Night Discussion
You blend because you are romantic partners. And when you blend, you make assumptions about your partner. Those assumptions are what gets toxic for your relationship.
The antidote to assumptions and expectations is instead to get curious.
To spark your curiosity this week, I invite you to play Would You Rather?
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I'm launching a new relationship book club. SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER so you'll receive the link to sign up straight to your inbox.
I love a good book club—and I especially love reading books about relationship. So I decided, why not invite all of you to join me?
If you're interested in meeting with me to discuss relationship books, make sure you’re subscribed to my newsletter. That’s where I’ll send the invitation to sign up and announce the first book in the coming weeks.
In the meantime, I'd love it if you filled out this survey and let me know which books you'd like to read.
JOIN MY NEWSLETTER and stay tuned for the Habit's for Your Happily Ever After Book Club, coming soon.
Are you often tempted to enter your spouse’s experience?
This can look like judgment: “He should brush his teeth.” “She should find a new job.”
Or blending: “He doesn’t tell me he loves me.” “She never appreciates me.”
When you have these thoughts–or speak them aloud–you are in your partner’s business. And that doesn’t bring you closer, it pushes your partner away.
Today, we talk about the single most important habit that will ensure your happily ever after: stay in your own business.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
Notice when you begin to blend.
- "He doesn’t tell me he loves me."
- "She never appreciates me."
Notice when you begin to judge.
- "He should brush his teeth.”
- “She should find a new job.”
Notice your god-complex.
- “It snows too much.”
- “I’m gonna die this year.”
Each time you find yourself in someone else’s business, practice the habit of consciously returning to yourself.
If you get confused, refer to this outline by Byron Katie, or watch a short tutorial here.
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Do you ever say “yes” to something even, when exhausted or depleted?
We’ve all experienced these moments–for some reason or another, you overcommit even when you don't have the capacity—and your whole day seems to spiral from there.
What if instead, you responded based on how you were feeling? If you were honest with yourself and others about the energy you have?
Today, I’m joined by a dear friend and coaching colleague, Allison Evans. In this episode, we examine each element of the body budget—sleep, food and water, nature, movement, and connection with others—and how meditation facilitates caring for all five. You’ll hear:
- How I got better at managing my body budget over time
- How emotions have metabolic consequences for your body
- What it looks like to experience how you feel–tired, hungry, thirsty–without telling yourself a larger, damaging story about it
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
I invite you to use Allison’s meditative moment to notice your body budget, particularly in relation to your partner.
Or, if you’d rather, your habit for this week could be to take a moment and simply name for yourself which of the five body budget elements--food and water, sleep, movement, nature, or relationships—is most volatile for you.
Connect with my guest
Visit Allison's website here.
Connect on social media here.
Download Allison's free guide on how to take care of your body.
Connect to Improve Your Relationship CommunicationVisit the show notes here.
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Has your sweetheart ever looked at you in a way that made you flush?
You felt overwhelmed by the love. So much so, that you looked away?
Deep love can carry deep pain with it: maybe because we fear we'll lose that love we value, or because we wonder if we're worthy.
Today, my guest, Dr. Diana Hill, tells a story about a time her husband was trying to see her and it caused her pain.
When we allow ourselves the bothness of our fear and our love–and we allow the pain we feel to clarify our values–we are invited into our genius.
Dr. Hill is the author of the new book, Wise Effort: How to Focus Your Genius Energy on What Matters Most.
- She will help us see our pain differently: as a teacher to help us clarify our values.
- And with that clarification, she’ll guide you to identify your unique genius energy that will improve your relationship with your partner.
- What I’m most excited about is for you to experience the radical ACCEPTANCE that flavors the way Dr. Hill moves through the world.
Date Night Discussion
This week I invite you to talk with your partner in the style of my conversation with Diana today. Invite the bothness of pain and love to deepen in your relationship.
Connect with my guest
Pre-order Wise Effort by Dr. Diana Hill here.
Visit Dr. Diana Hill's website here.
Listen to the episode of Wise Effort podcast I mention here.
Connect on social media here.
Connect to Improve Your Relationship CommunicationVisit the show notes here.
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Do you and your partner argue about money?
This is a common topic of conflict because it is so closely tied to our values. When you and your partner have different ideas about how to spend--or save--your money, communication about your finances can quickly turn into an argument.
In this episode, you’ll hear how a conversation about money can bring you closer to your partner when you improve your communication step by step:
- We’ll walk through each step of my book, 6 Steps to Better Marriage Communication, and apply them to a common scenario about spending and saving
- You’ll hear why overcoming fear is the first step and how it can show up in other steps along the way
- You’ll get a habit to clarify where you can improve your communication starting now
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week's habit for your happily ever after is to notice how you employ the six steps to better marriage communication.
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“I’m hurting too” Has your partner said this to you and you didn’t hear it?
Isn’t it amazing how blinding pain can be? And how self absorbing it is?
This week, my guest from last week, Jen Price, returns with a story about the second time in her long marriage that pain threatened the connection she had with her husband:
- Jen talks about the identity crisis she endured when she dropped her youngest off at college and how her crisis impacted her marriage
- Jen explains why it’s easier to blame than accept responsibility for ourselves and the impact this has on your relationship
- Finally, Jen gently normalizes why we are sometimes unable to see how much our partner is hurting, because our own pain is overwhelming us… and what helps
This week’s conversation builds on last week’s discussion, so if you haven’t heard that conversation, you might want to listen now.
Date Night Discussion
This week, I invite you and your partner to borrow Jen’s husband’s phrase, “I’m hurting too.”
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Connect with my guest
Follow Jen Price on Instagram.
Sometimes you’re not capable of paying attention to how your actions impact your partner, especially when you’re in pain–physically or emotionally.
What can you lay to rest so that the impact of your pain doesn't hurt your relationships? Or how can you lessen the damage?
Today, we discuss the impact of chronic pain on your relationship.
- You’ll hear from my guest and yoga teacher, Jen Price, why it’s tempting to get as prickly as a thistle when you’re in pain and how all those prickles impact your sweetheart
- You’ll hear how Jen’s life-long yoga practice of letting things be laid to rest helped her to begin again with her husband
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Connect with my guest
Follow Jen Price on Instagram.
How do you know if you’re making the right decisions and choices as a parent?
And how do you deal with decision fatigue in a way that is supportive—instead of destructive—to your relationship?
Parenting is confusing. There’s a million decisions every day:
- Where’s the magic spot between healthy food and the food my child will eat?
- How do I make sense of all the contradictions in the world of parenting advice?
- I want to keep my child safe, but I also want my child to experience the world
You’re tired. You’re overwhelmed. You just want answers.
Sometimes the hardest thing to hear is the quiet voice inside — the one that actually knows what to do. Today, I'm sharing three types of people who can threaten your parenting intuition— and how to handle the threat and return to trust. Because trust is the basis of intimacy.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
Step into the tension, and trust that it’s shaping something good.
When you watch yourself deferring to someone you love, even though it doesn’t quite feel right in your body, step into the tension.
When you’re clamoring to get expert advice, pause. Then step into the tension.
Date Night Discussion
This week I invite you to talk with your partner about something specific that causes you angst. Where do you wonder if you’re “getting it right? Getting it wrong?”
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What is that gesture from your partner that makes you feel taken care of or pampered?
Have you ever felt like that gesture was a radical departure from the rest of your disposition?
NaTasha Richburg feels loved when her husband carries her luggage. This shocked me because my guest today is wildly independent. Yet this gesture on her husband’s part makes her feel feminine and cared for.
NaTasha Richburg has 2 master’s degrees and teaches as an adjunct professor at the University of Maryland Baltimore County. And she’s written a book, People Ask...: What is the Secret of Our 36-year Marriage?. I’m eager to share our conversation because NaTasha is a living example of the idea that love is a verb. She’s a no-nonsense woman.
- You’ll hear her describe the 5 different relationships she has with her husband and why she’s never mad at all 5 at the same time
- She is tenacious about creating understanding in her relationship, and because of that she touts over and over, “Being right is over-rated.”
- She’ll give you an unexpected habit that is very tender
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week's habit for your happily ever after is about bubble baths. When NaTasha wants to take care of her husband, she draws him a bubble bath. This week, notice what you do that makes your partner feel taken care of. And notice the things your partner does that make you feel taken care of in return.
Date Night Discussion
In chapter 14 of NaTasha Richburg’s book, People Ask...: What is the Secret of Our 36-year Marriage?, she talks about various lifestyle choices that may not seem important, but she urges couples to have the discussions so there are no expectations left to mystery.
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Connect with my guest
NaTasha Richburg is an author, IT consultant, life coach, Talent Manager and an Information Technology adjunct instructor at the University of Maryland Baltimore County (UMBC) in which she worked for over 23 years. NaTasha has been married to her husband, Melvin, for 43 years and has four grown children. She’s written several books, including People Ask...: What is the Secret of Our 36-year Marriage?.
You can connect with NaTasha on her website, on Instagram, or by reading one of her books.
How do you cultivate the 3 different roles of Partner, Lover, and Friend in your singular relationship?
Summer tends to fly by, and it’s easy to find yourself swept up in the busyness. Suddenly it's September, and you realize you haven’t truly connected with your sweetheart. When you intentionally find time for each other, even in small ways, your relationship will grow stronger.
Today, I’m offering you 3 summer time dates to tend each of the three roles in your relationship: Partner, Friend, and Lover:
- We’ll talk about the balance of the 3 roles and why if The Partner isn’t getting what they need, it can harm your romantic life
- We’ll focus on all the ways that PLAY—that magic elixir of The Lover is good for calming down the neediness The Partner can bring to your relationship
- And why the Friend is always the bridge between the other two roles
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
Look for a date night where you can practice noticing all 3 roles--Partner, Friend, and Lover-- and how they contribute to the overall intimacy in your relationship.
Date Night Discussion
This week, think about how each of the roles plays into the connection you have with your sweetheart. Which role do you think is strongest?
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Why did it seem so easy to make friends in kindergarten? And how do you make a new friend now that you’re an adult?
In kindergarten it was easy. Certainly easier. First of all, children that age haven’t yet faced rejection, so they aren’t scared to simply speak their mind, “Want to be my friend?”
Secondly, there were a whole bunch of kids and there was recess. There was a designated time to play with a friend and a host of friends to choose from.
Now that you’re an adult, it feels like there’s never time. And where—WHERE—do I find that pool of people waiting to play? Today, we discuss the role of friendship in your life.
- You’ll get a practical habit to help you make a new friend
- And a discussion prompt so that you and your partner can understand the role of friends in your life outside your relationship
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is two-fold:
- Put yourself into a situation where it’s easier to make a new friend.
- Find a way that’s comfortable for you to take advantage of that situation.
Date Night Discussion
This week I invite you to talk with your partner about friendship.
Ask your partner who they consider to be good friends? Why does your partner enjoy that person’s or those people’s company? Volunteer the same information, telling your partner about your friends and what they bring to your life.
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When your toddler loses it, it’s tempting for you to lose it too, right? If your kid grabs a toy away from their sibling, do you grab the toy away and say, “We don’t grab things!”
We’ve all done it, right?
Today I talk with Audra Rutnik who helps us understand behavior differently. She fixes behavior at the source: where information is processed. And she’ll help you identify the clues to your child’s—or maybe even your sweetheart’—bad behavior.
Audra Rutnik is a Pediatric Occupational Therapist with 15 years of experience managing childhood behavior. She invites us to view behavior as a message about the way a child is experiencing the world, and understand why simply disciplining your child doesn't work. I believe that young children's behavior can have a huge impact on the intimacy of your relationship, and that's why I invited her onto the podcast.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to practice the autonomy sandwich with your child. Or, perhaps your task is to acknowledge your sweetheart’s feelings.
Date Night Discussion
This week, especially if you’re encountering repeated behaviors that cause frustration, it will help to get an eagle view of the situation and answer the following two questions:
- What is the situation or situations where we encounter “downstairs brain” most frequently?
- How can we offer a full gas tank in those moments? Or, what phrase can we use repeatedly to deal with this “downstairs moment?”
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Connect with my guest
Connect with Audra Rutnik on TikTok or Instagram
Explore her free resources on her website.
Book a free consultation.
Ever wonder HOW I wrote a book titled “6 Steps to Better Marriage Communication?” Short answer: I failed. A LOT.
Today, I bring you an interview I did on the podcast, Emerging Form, with Christie Aschwanden and Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer. You’ll get an introduction to the podcast and the two amazing hosts, and you’ll get to hear me talk about my book from a different perspective.
How to FAIL your way into marriage communication
I talk frankly on the podcast about all the ways I fail both as an author and as a wife. Failure is a path to learning, right?
My hope is that you’ll hear my struggle and feel less alone in the struggles you face. Life can be hard! So, when we can laugh at our failures (or at least normalize them) we become more resilient.
I want you to know these 2 women
Rosemerry is a writing coach for me. She helped me to find the 2-word phrases in my book. She writes a poem every day! She’s been doing that for more than a decade. She has a compassionate approach to life that is sure to improve every relationship in your life.
Christie is a science-writer, and she has a wonderful podcast, Uncertain. I learned so much about the POWER of curiosity while listening to her podcast. The other reason to love Christie is that she is the Executive Director of The Grand Mesa Nordic Council. This is where I ski each winter. I’m grateful for her leadership.
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Where does happiness come from?
My father is responsible for teaching me how to be happy. He didn’t wait for happiness to find him. He was a happiness magician.
Is there a place in your life where you are regularly afraid, sad, or lonely? Today, I want to show you how to invite happiness into that place. I’m sharing my father’s lessons so you can find your own happiness handles as you swing on the jungle gym of life.
- I tell you about the mentor in my life who taught me to find the happiness handles even in the bleakest circumstances.
- We’ll discuss how shared stories of happiness can deepen the intimacy you feel.
- And I’ll invite you to strengthen your own happiness muscles so you can find comfort even when you’re scared or struggling.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to practice happiness in a moment when you don’t feel all that happy.
Date Night Discussion
This week, talk with your partner about happiness handles.
- Talk about how you have provided happiness handles for each other.
- Or talk about a person who taught you to practice happiness.
- Or you could tell your partner about a person in your life that could benefit from your happiness practice.
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You want sparkling summer memories. What’s the key ingredient to a summer filled with lasting family memories?
Everyone needs to be having fun. Everyone. And that includes you.
Today, we’re talking about how to make your summer memorable. We’ll talk about inexpensive ways to have fun with your kids, and why YOUR happiness is very important when it comes to establishing family traditions.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
Some of my best summer memories were in the car. We played The Favorites Game.
This game is super simple. Someone names a category, then everyone in the car talks about their favorite. I love this game because you can learn some super idiosyncratic things about the people you love most.
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You were feeling fine—until you saw your friend's vacation photos. When you compare, you don’t just lose confidence—you lose connection, too.
We’ve all done it. We’ve all looked at social media and seen the vacation someone else is taking and we think, “I want her life. She’s got it figured out.” It's the easiest thing in the world to do. It’s also a joy-stealer and a resentment-builder.
Today, we're going to talk about a hard truth: Joy and pain are a package deal.
- We'll talk about why comparing your life to someone else's–anyone else's–puts a giant roadblock in the way of the intimacy you feel with your sweetheart.
- I'll help you see the five reasons why comparing leads to despairing, and we'll go step by step through five ways to help you remain in your own lane so you can stay sane
- I'll offer you a habit to help you recognize and shift your response the next time you feel tempted to compare.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit is to first notice when you’re tempted to compare and despair, then, ask yourself enlightened and empowering questions instead.
Date Night Discussion
Sometimes, when I can’t seem to shake off my compare and despair attitudes, I’ll ask my husband or a friend to help me laugh. Laughter is the antidote to envy.
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Do you ever feel lonely in your romantic relationship? Like you're more roommates than lovers?
What's the impact of small bits of affection on your relationship? And what happens when the tenderness disappears?
Have you ever been afraid your partner doesn't love you anymore because the tender touches have disappeared? We'll discuss why this happens and what you can do to bring the tenderness back.
Today, we discuss how a tiny gesture of affection keeps the spark of your love alive.
- You’ll learn what the 3 T’s of tenderness are and why, without them, you risk resentment and estrangement in your relationship
- You’ll hear a story of a couple who used affection to reawaken the love between them
- You’ll get a habit and a discussion prompt to help you embrace this tiny affection habit into your life
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is a 10-30 second I’m-tethered-to-you hug. For this habit to stick we need two things:
- We need to find the time of day when it fits into your life and
- I’ll give you a mantra which you can use verbatim or adjust for yourself. This mantra will help set the intention for your hug so you’re giving the energy to your partner (and receiving the energy) that fosters deeper and deeper intimacy.
Date Night Discussion
We’ve arrived at our date night discussion. This week I invite you to talk about 3 things related to the tethering hug:
- Find the time of day that will work for you. Remember, consistency is the key.
- Next, discuss the mantra or intention you want to flavor your hug. What kind of tether do you want your hug to create or reinforce?
- Finally, I suggest you plan for failure. I know you have good intentions and want this hug to be a part of your lives. I also know life tends to intervene. When you plan what to do when the hug disappears, it’s easier to begin again.
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What does it feel like inside of you when your partner says a genuine “Thank you?”
Today, we discuss why it can be tricky and vulnerable to let the words, “Thank you,” settle all the way into your heart.
- I’ll offer you a habit and a discussion prompt to help open your heart to truly receive the gratitude that is everywhere just waiting to land in your lap
- And you’ll learn how appreciating yourself sets you up for greater intimacy with your partner
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to appreciate yourself. Tune into that internal voice that says you’re not enough, and flip the script. Notice how your day is reflective of your values.
Date Night Discussion
This week I invite you to appreciate yourself in front of your partner. Here are a couple of prompts:
- Appreciate the way you spent your day and how that aligns with your values.
- Notice your inner dialogue. Appreciate the changing way you’re talking to yourself.
- Appreciate something you’ve learned, practiced, chased after, and consequently, improved.
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Have you ever considered how a simple "thank you" could transform your relationship?
I've been watching people's relationships since my parents divorced when I was five years old. During those decades of observation, I’ve observed a handful of habits that work over and over. Today's episode focuses on one of those habits. It's all about the magic of thank you.
I'm bringing this episode back from the archives because it’s a habit that makes a difference every single time. With my private clients, when we focus on this habit of "thank you" for the month, their relationship always has a breakthrough.
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What would change in your relationship if you gave yourself permission to say YES to what you desire?
As you listen today, ask yourself, “What does my sweetheart NOT KNOW about me? What am I holding back because I’m afraid? If I allowed myself to simply say YES and give myself permission to ask my sweetheart for my truest desires, what would my sweetheart know about me that they don’t know today?”
Today we revisit an episode from my archives. This story illustrates what happens when we get into our partner’s business rather than staying in the center of our own agency.
Our own YES.
You'll hear the very first episode I wrote for this podcast. Listening now, I’m so proud of all the work I’ve done to help Heather and Sean—the characters in today’s episode—show up differently.
- In episode 30 we talked about the Clean Ask and why asking for EXACTLY what you want actually increases intimacy
- We also talked about how much fear can pollute your relationship in episode 28
- And, of course, I wrote a whole book: 6 Steps to Better Marriage Communication by Rebecca S. Mullen
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When you "win" an argument, your relationship loses. We all do it. We all want to be "right" and we want to prove our partner "wrong."
I loved this discussion. It's filled with all the rotten things we're tempted to say to our partner, and why all those jabs get in the way of what we really want: intimacy and a feeling of safety.
Learn how to use nonviolent communication and protect your relationship.
Learn:
- How to protect your relationship with a couple bubble
- The difference between the violent communication you're tempted to use and the nonviolent words that connect you to your partner
- Why an internal conversation with yourself sets you up to be kinder to your partner
I've invited Dawn Larson and James Buchanan of Take Flight Therapy to help identify key components to healthy communication. These steps will tame the war in your relationship so you can promote peace-filled conversations that create safety.
Connect with my guest
Visit the Take Flight Therapy website here.
Contact Dawn and James here.
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How do you and your partner share the ick that comes with living life?
If you loved me…you’d eat my sht sandwich. We got this map from our parents who were willing to change our diaper, clean up our messes, and cook all our meals. But this expectation—that true love=eating life’s sht sandwiches—will surely kill your romance.
Today, we discuss sh*t sandwiches and how they can pollute your relationship:
- I’ll define the term and help you see why they’re unavoidable to some degree
- I’ll give you the reasons you wish your partner would eat those that really belong to you
- And I’ll give you a date night discussion to help you and your partner identify the sh*t sandwiches in your relationship as well as a habit to help you make them go down easier
Warning: today’s episode includes repetition of a word that may not be suitable for young ears. If you’re listening with your little one, consider ear buds, or waiting for a later time.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week's habit for your happily ever after is to improve the taste of your shit sandwiches. Here are three options:
- Reframe
- Say "Thank you"
- Take one for the team
Date Night Discussion
Sometimes it’s good just to know the sh*t sandwiches in your partner’s life because there might come a moment when you can help them avoid eating one, and man does that send love your partner’s direction.
So, chat with your partner:
- Explain the idea of a sh*t sandwich,
- tell them about your 3 worst,
- then ask them what their 3 worst sh*t sandwiches are.
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You have needs. Your partner has needs. Your relationship has needs. How do you balance it all?
Today, we discuss the power of a habit so tiny it becomes invisible.
- We’ll talk about why you don’t need to put “brush your teeth” onto your daily to-do list
- Then we’ll contrast that with the multiple priorities you juggle causing you to feel overwhelmed
- Finally, I’ll help you identify a relationship habit as tiny as brushing your teeth so you can harness the power of invisible habits to strengthen your intimacy
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to practice your 2-minute-toothbrushing-type habit so that fostering a connection to your partner becomes as routine as brushing your teeth. What will help you make this habit so ingrained that you’d feel weird leaving the house without practicing your habit?
Date Night Discussion
Today I want to invite you and your partner to ask the question, what habit is like toothbrushing in our relationship?
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I’m celebrating my 100th podcast episode! This is a huge milestone in the world of podcasting. Less than 5% of podcasts reach their 100th episode. I hope you’ll celebrate with me.
In this episode, we’ll revisit several habits from guests I’ve had on in the past 2 years, so you’ll have a handful of hacks to help you create your happily ever after. You’ll hear:
- A habit to help you remember to give your relationship a spot in your calendar.
- How an experiment in responsibility can help you connect with your partner and keep a tidy home.
- A helpful hack to use music to deepen the intimacy in your relationship.
And so many more.
I want to thank all of you, my dear, sweet listeners. I have had so much fun cultivating this content and sharing it with you is my great privilege. Thank you for listening.
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Have you ever hid your joy because, if you let the world see that you’re happy, no one will believe how hard you’re working as a parent? In your career?
You can hear everyone around you suffering from mom-guilt, and you just don’t buy in. Of course you’re overwhelmed at times, but you aren’t afraid to take time for your own self-care. You wish other women would do the same.
Today’s guest is for you. Lindsey Davis sits on 3 national-level boards, and she adores her job. She knows her daughter is watching, and that’s just one more reason to celebrate her career and fall in love with her new bike.
3 Moms find their motherhood heart
This interview is the third in a 3-part series where I’m talking to 3 moms who’ve chosen different approaches to parenting. After listening to 3 different moms discuss 3 different choices when it comes to raising their kids, my wish for you is that you’ll be inspired by how they each listen and trust their own motherhood heart, and parent according to their own values.
Connect with my guestLindsey Davis is the Director of Conservation and Advocacy at SITKA Gear. She serves on the board of directors for the Outdoor Alliance , The Conservation Alliance, and the National Wildlife Federation’s Action Fund. She is also a brand ambassador for Mystery Ranch, SITKA Gear, YETI, Swarovski Optik, Moultrie Mobile, and is a volunteer citizen scientist. Follow her on Instagram. Watch this short film about her life as a hunter.
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It’s hard to find a work-life balance as a new parent. How can you raise your child according to your values while also maintaining your sanity as a person?
You’re juggling it all. And the cost is your sanity. But, there’s no ball you truly want to drop. There is no balance in this work-life balance. Everything is cattywampus.
I’m going to suggest that, if this sounds like you, maybe there is something about this way of doing it that you like. Well, maybe not like, but you value.
Today I talk with my daughter, Kaitlin Pettit, about being a mother. I adored having this conversation.
My daughter’s heroine is Hermione Granger, a young woman who did things the “hard way.” You’ll hear why doing things the hard way is the best choice for my girl. And why, if you do things the “hard way” it might be the best choice for you too.
3 Moms find their motherhood heart
This interview is the second in a 3-part series where I’m talking to 3 moms who’ve chosen different approaches to parenting. My wish for you is that you’ll be inspired by how they each listen and trust their own motherhood heart, and parent according to their own values.
Connect with my guestKaitlin Pettit, Ph.D. is an environmental ethicist and the CEO of Toilet Equity. She spent four years at Lewis & Clark College in Portland, Oregon getting a BA in Philosophy, as well as six years at the University of Utah in Salt Lake City, Utah getting her doctorate in Philosophy. She wrote her dissertation on corporate moral responsibility in response to climate change. You can donate to Toilet Equity here.
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Everyone parents according to different values. What values influence the choice to be a stay-at-home mom?
Of course you get bored playing with kids. How many times are you supposed to find it fascinating to make the dinosaur leap on the tower to knock it down? Stay-at-home parenting doesn’t mean play-at-home parenting.
My guest today, Faye Tidd, was an elementary school teacher for 12 years before she made the decision to become a stay-at-home mom. She believes that children who have lots of unstructured play become better problem solvers.
She chose the stay-at-home mom lifestyle because she wanted to offer her children the antidote to hustle culture. Yes, she’s sacrificed a lot to make this choice. But what she’s gained is freedom.
3 Mom's find their motherhood heart
This interview is the first in a 3-part series where I’m talking to 3 moms who’ve chosen different approaches to parenting. My hope is that you’ll hear what motivates each woman to make her choice (and I recognize that even having a choice around parenting and work is a privilege).
As we take this journey together, listening to 3 different moms discuss 3 different choices when it comes to raising their kids, my wish for you is that you’ll be inspired by how they each listen and trust their own motherhood heart, and parent according to their own values.
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A bad apology adds another layer of damage.
Have you ever had your sweetheart “apologize” for how they hurt you, but instead of feeling better, you feel worse?
If you struggle with apologies: either giving or receiving, today’s podcast episode is for you:
- We'll revisit the 4 step to a good apology
- You'll hear examples of lousy apologies to help you spot your own bad habits
- I’ll offer you a date night discussion to help you listen to your partner with love
A really good apology will actually bring you closer. We’re revisiting an episode from the archives because learning to refine the way you apologize? That’s always worth attention.
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When your job is emotionally taxing, how do you keep your relationship safe?
My podcast guest today, Mitch Brooks, is a firefighter and parametric who responds to S.W.A.T. calls. You can imagine that’s a pretty stressful job, but he didn’t think he was bringing that stress home until one day when he stepped on a half-melted ice cube and he completely lost it.
- Why it took his wife, Michelle, speaking up for Mitch to realize the impact his job and anger had on his family.
- 3 tools to help you process your emotions–meditation, check up from the neck up, and fur therapy.
- How to rebuild communication in your relationship after wounding has occurred.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
The habit I’d like to offer you for this week is to pause. Pause and wonder.
Ask yourself what kind of stressor your job—or your partner’s job—is putting on your relationship. Then wonder about the long term consequences of a stress like that.
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Connect with my guest
Watch Mitch's TEDx talk.
Passion fades when The Lover starves. Desire needs attention. This week we plan a date night for The Lover in your relationship
Most people focus on the activity for their date night. While activity matters far more for The Lover Role than either Partner or Friend, I’m still going to invite you to start with a dream. What do you want this date to do for your relationship?
If you’ve been listening to my podcast for a while, you know that I believe there are three roles inside your singular relationship: Partner, Friend, and Lover.
- The Partner helps you ACHIEVE and you feel bonded as teammates.
- The Friend understands you and, thus, you feel like you BELONG.
- The Lover WANTS you, and when you feel wanted, your confidence soars.
Design Your Date Night 3-Part Series
This episode is the last in a 3-part series to help you understand the three roles inside your singular relationship, and how each of them need just a little different type of nurturance.
Our goal today is to understand what The Lover needs in a date night.
What is it that creates a great date night for The Lover Role in your relationship?
Today we discuss the power of a date night dedicated to The Lover Role inside your relationship.
- We’ll talk about why feed The Lover keeps your relationship juicy and vital
- We’ll discuss desire and why it can be scary to WANT things from your Lover or even your life
- And I’ll give you a recipe for facing your fears about desire that will energize your relationship
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to come up with date night ideas for The Lover Role in your relationship.
Date Night Discussion
As you discuss your desire and your fears about receiving what you want with your partner this week, answer this question:
- When have we done something together that scared one or both of us, and then, afterward, we felt a surge of joy, confidence or connection?
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Dreams. Heartache. Drama. Companionship. The Friend Role shapes your love–how will you nurture it with your date night?
If you’ve been listening to my podcast for a while, you know that I believe there are three roles inside your singular relationship: Partner, Friend, and Lover.
- The Partner helps you ACHIEVE and you feel bonded as teammates.
- The Friend understands you and, thus, you feel like you BELONG.
- The Lover WANTS you, and when you feel wanted, your confidence soars.
Design Your Date Night 3-Part Series
This episode is the second in a 3-part series to help you understand the three roles inside your singular relationship, and how each of them need just a little different type of nurturance.
Our goal today is to understand what The Friend Role needs to have a great date night that will nurture the totality of your relationship. Because when those three roles are balanced, your intimacy takes flight.
What is it that creates a great date night for The Friend Role in your relationship?
Today we discuss the power of designing a date night specifically dedicated to The Friend Role in your relationship.
- We’ll talk about the importance of building trust because this is what fosters Friendship
- And I’ll help you create a regular, repeatable date night that will nurture The Friend inside your relationship
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
The promise of this 3-part series is to help you understand the three roles inside your singular relationship, and how each of them need just a little different type of nurturance.
This week talk about the practice of Friendship in your relationship:
- What helps you to trust?
- What fosters your trustworthiness for your partner?
Date Night Discussion
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to come up with date night ideas for The Friend Role in your relationship.
I recommend designing a cozy date night that can go on repeat for The Friend role in your relationship. Routine suits The Friend well.
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The wrong date night can cause more conflict, but an effective date night bonds you. So how do you know what to choose when you’re planning your date night?
It’s important to create “dates” that nourish the complexity in your relationship.
If you’ve been listening to my podcast for a while, you know that I believe there are three roles inside your singular relationship: Partner, Friend, and Lover.
- The Partner helps you ACHIEVE and you feel bonded as teammates.
- The Friend understands you and, thus, you feel like you BELONG.
- The Lover WANTS you, and when you feel wanted, your confidence soars.
Design Your Date Night 3-Part SeriesThis episode is the first in a 3-part series to help you understand the three roles inside your singular relationship, and how each of them need just a little different type of nurturance.
Our goal today is to understand what The Partner Role needs to have a great date night that will nurture the totality of your relationship. Because when The Partner Role is nourished, you have far less conflict.
What is it that creates a great date night for The Partner Role in your relationship?
Today we discuss the power of designing a date night specifically dedicated to The Partner Role in your relationship.
- You’ll learn why, if The Partner ain’t happy, ain’t nobody gonna be happy in your relationship
- You’ll learn the key skill that defines the Partner Date
- And you’ll see why the calendar is such a crucial part of The Partner Date
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to carve out time to serve the needs of The Partner in your relationship.
The heart of your Partner-Relationship is about learning how to face the adulting moments of life together and address the perceived inequities. Consequently, we need to first notice where those troublesome spots are. All we’re doing, though is identifying the trouble spots. Don’t let your planning energy devolve into conflict.
Date Night Discussion
The promise of this 3-part series is to help you understand the three roles inside your singular relationship, and how each of them need just a little different type of nurturance.
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How do you build a boundary in a romantic relationship?
Today, we discuss the power of receiving love and how that increases the intimacy in your relationship.
- You'll hear how the second half of my book—6 Steps to Better Marriage Communication—is all about bettering communication practices that help you to receive love.
- We’ll talk about steps 4, 5, and 6: beware conditions, affirm lovingly, and build boundaries.
- You’ll understand the difference between conditional love that can harm your relationship and a strong boundary that will magnify the love you have.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
What do you do when your partner doesn’t want to behave according to your clearly articulated clean ask? This happens. Your partner isn’t a robot you get to preprogram. Thankfully, right?
So, this week’s habit for your happily ever after is to notice how to deal with your partner’s refusal of your request.
Date Night Discussion
The goal of this discussion is to make a game of noticing how each of you fail to articulate a clear agreement. First, find something minor that gets you irritated with each other. Then, laugh about the lack of clarity you’ve had in finding an agreement. Finally, use the clean ask formula to state a clear agreement.
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How do you change your relationship communication simply by changing the way you make requests of your partner?
Today we discuss the power of giving good, clean communication and why that is transformational to the intimacy in your marriage:
- You’ll hear how fear and confusion are polluting your marriage communication, and how you can overcome that fear, and get clear about what you want.
- We’ll talk about the power of mirror neurons and how vulnerability can magnetize your partner to you.
- And I’ll give you two examples of “dirty asks” that we will clean up together so you can learn to ask cleanly in your relationship.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to turn your dirty ask into a clean ask. You can make a game out of this with your partner, or you can do it on your own.
Date Night Discussion
This week I invite you and your partner to talk about one dirty ask.
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What do you need to feel like a whole person? Do you know what your partner needs in order to feel whole? Today I interview my nephew and niece, Nicky and Faye. They offer insights on this topic from experiences in their relationship:
- You’ll hear about the philosophy that keeps their marriage tender and supports their partnership
- You’ll get a mantra that will change your life
- And you’ll realize why dance parties in the kitchen are the best way to raise kids
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
Today’s habit for your happily ever after is to forgive and recommit.
Forgiveness is part of the equation. Then, let’s recommit to doing better tomorrow.
Date Night Discussion
I invite you and your partner to ask the question blatantly: “What do you need to be a whole person?”
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I invite you to consider how the habit of alcohol impacts your relationship, and, thus your life.
Here’s the thing: alcohol is so glorified in our culture that, if you struggle, you’re likely to feel deep shame as a result. I wanted you to hear from my guest today, Steve Wilt, because he has always looked so successful.
He never experienced that rock-bottom that so many people describe before they decide their life would be better living alcohol-free. Even though he was living a great life—succeeding professionally and personally—his life got so much better when he gave up alcohol.
Alcohol may not be an issue for you personally, but I can almost guarantee that you know someone who struggles with alcohol.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to hear someone the first time they refuse a drink. Or to offer support to someone who’s trying to live alcohol-free.
Connect with my guest
Connect with Steve Wilt on LinkedIn.
Listen to Steve on This Naked Mind Podcast or on this episode of Alcohol-Free Lifestyle.
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Why does your marriage need a check-in at all, let alone an annual review?
I’m a firm believer that the tiny, invisible details matter more than the grand gestures. I also believe there is huge power in taking the eagle view and looking at the total landscape of your relationship. That's what we'll do in this episode with an annual marriage check-in:
- We’ll use the ever-present marriage vow, “For better or for worse” as a framework to give your relationship a review.
- I’ll tell you 2 stories—one that demonstrates what happens when your marriage lacks strong communication skills, and the other story offers the triumph of change that comes when you’re able to master communication goals.
- You’ll get a series of questions to guide your date night discussion and I’ll offer you a habit for your happily ever after.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is…to stay when things are better and to stay when things are worse. Staying present so your partner can feel you is a powerful tool to increase intimacy.
How will your marriage change over the course of this year when you cultivate the energy to stay present, for better or for worse?
Date Night Discussion
Here are the three questions for your date night discussion:
- How is your marriage better this year?
- How is your marriage worse this year?
- How can we minimize the worse, and magnify the better?
Download this worksheet to help you answer these questions with your partner.
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Is your energy running low after the excitement of the holidays?
This episode is the final part in my series about rest and self-care:
- Two weeks ago I talked about the power of noticing as self-care
- Last week we explored the ideas of capacity and nourishment
- This week, you’ll learn the 3 types of rest you need to offer yourself a truly FULL tank of gas and navigate life’s bumps as well as surge forward into the next version of you.
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Sometimes the things you LOVE to do also exhaust you.
Today’s episode will tell you about why I love dogs. Dogs bring me so much joy, AND the dogs we had early in our marriage also pushed me beyond my capacity until I had to make the hardest decision of my life.
I’m pulling another episode out of the archives to further our look at REST. Rest is one of the most important ingredients if you want to grow as an individual. Rest is also crucial for your relationship. In this episode, you'll hear how:
- Rest is the best prevention when it comes to conflict
- Rest feeds your imagination so that you have energy for your sweetheart
- Rest allows you to listen with more compassion and tenderness
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Why is "noticing" one of the most powerful self-care tools?If you are one of my regular clients you will often hear me say, “Good to notice.”
When you can notice—without judgment, and with lots of curiosity—you’re able to digest your behavior and thus your life.
You get to ask yourself, “Am I living according to my values?”
Stress comes to us when we aren’t living according to our values. And anxiety, worry, and depression come when we resist the truth that we aren’t living according to our values.
It’s the resistance that causes pain. Because we’re lying to ourselves. We are out of integrity.
Self-care is relationship careDecember can be such a busy month. I recommend taking inventory of your life to see what you can let go—at least for the month. Because we expect more from ourselves with the hubbub of the holidays, but we don’t always lighten our load.
What can you take off your list of expectations…just for a month?
I’m modeling this by giving myself a break with the podcast. It turned out great because, when I went looking for archived episodes to offer you, a theme of self-care emerged.
This is the first of 3 episodes that all center around taking care of yourself.
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How does your conflict style impact your relationship?
In this episode we talk about why the STYLE of your conflict matters more than the subject matter of your conflict. When you can remain kind in the midst of a heated conflict, your relationship feels safer with every conflict you learn to negotiate.
December can be such a busy month, right? I recommend taking inventory of your life to see what you can let go—at least for the month. Because we expect more from ourselves with the hubbub of the holidays, but we don’t always lighten our load.
I’m modeling this by giving myself a break with the podcast. Today’s episode is from the archives. I think it’s perfectly timed for the month of December when stress levels rise.
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How do traditions deepen the intimacy you feel with your partner? And when is it time to let go of a tradition?
Today we discuss the power of traditions to build connection in your relationship. You'll hear:
- A story about cinnamon rolls and why they make me feel like I’m living into my values.
- 3 questions to prompt you and your partner to discover what you value in traditions as well as a shared life.
- A habit to help you implement that tradition into your already complex life.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to up you efforts on a relationship tradition, or to mindfully let go of a tradition that feels burdensome.
Date Night Discussion
Here are 3 questions to help you cultivate a tradition that celebrates who you are and who you want your family to become:
- What values do you want your tradition to cultivate in your home?
- What do you remember about traditions in your family of origin?
- What things do you and your partner honestly enjoy doing together?
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Today I talk with Dr. Lynda Ulrich, who founded the Goodness Exchange to spread more positive news and bypass all the negative noise. In this episode, you’ll hear:
- The 4 steps to more joy and less fear that come straight from Dr. Lynda's book: Happiness is an Option: Thriving Instead of Surviving in the Era of the Internet.
- How the "lover" aspect of Dr. Lynda's relationship was ignited when she followed her passion to create the Goodness Exchange.
- A habit that will help you pause before you react so you can better communicate with your partner.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This weeks habit for your happily ever is to create a virtuous cycle that feeds your value system. Don’t take the click bait that puts you into a vicious cycle.
Connect with Dr. Lynda UlrichThe Goodness Exchange
Conspiracy of Goodness Podcast
The website teed up for Education: EWCed
The Book: Happiness IS an Option: Thriving (Instead of just Surviving) in the Era of the Internet
TEDx Talk - Exposing the Conspiracy of Goodness
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Every relationship has a dynamic.
With a lot of my private coaching clients, we talk about cluelessness and codependence, so I decided to create a short series.
- Two weeks ago, I recorded an episode that looked at cluelessness.
- Last week we talked about codependence.
- Today, we’ll talk about the negative dynamic that results when you have a
- combination of cluelessness and codependence in your relationship. You’ll get a habit to practice as well as a script to help you communicate more effectively with your partner.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to get curious about the dynamic between you and your partner when it comes to codependence and cluelessness.
When you can be curious about the reason your partner is clueless or codependent compassion comes flooding in. That compassion softens all the rough edges and you are free to love the person who’s been frustrating you.
Date Night Discussion
This week I invite you to thank your partner for the very thing that is bugging you.
Have a very short discussion and thank your sweetheart for the part of them—clueless or codependent—that has helped you to grow.
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Are you in a codependent relationship?
With a lot of my private coaching clients, we talk about cluelessness and codependence, so I decided to create a short series.
- Last week we looked at cluelessness.
- This week, we talk about codependence. You’ll get a habit to practice as well as a script to help you communicate more effectively with your partner.
- Next week, we’ll talk about the negative dynamic that results when you have a combination of cluelessness and codependence in your relationship.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to notice your own desire. To notice where you have agency to quench that desire.
Date Night Discussion
When you are ready to take on this practice of letting go of your codependent behaviors, I’m going to suggest you consult a script to help you talk to your partner. You can read the script I created here or listen to it in the podcast episode.
Then, during your date night discussion, you can make your partner aware of how you’re feeling, and how you want to change.
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With a lot of my private coaching clients, we talk about cluelessness and codependence, so I decided to create a short series.
- This podcast episode looks at cluelessness. You’ll get a habit to practice as well as a script to help you communicate more effectively with your sweetheart.
- Next week, we'll go over codependence.
- In two weeks, we’ll talk about the negative dynamic that results when you have a combination of cluelessness and codependence in your relationship.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
Ask yourself the question, “What do I need to do to wake up to my responsibilities?”
Date Night Discussion
Changing the way you talk to yourself is Big Work. While you learn to talk to your partner differently, you’ll also need to practice talking to yourself differently.
I give you some scripts that will help you own your cluelessness and WAKE UP.
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Money is a source of bonding and a source of conflict in every relationship I’ve studied.
I think this is because money represents things. Money shows us what we value. Money clarifies those values.
When you share values, you tend to spend and save similarly. But money can also be a source of conflict. When you encounter differences in how to spend money, it’s a signal that you are valuing different things.
In this episode, you'll hear a short conversation I had with my son about how he and his wife share money which illuminates how a couple's finances reflect their values.
Date Night Discussion
This week, talk to your partner about what you value in life and when it comes to your finances. After you’ve talked about these values, ask YOURSELF if your spending and saving habits align with those values.
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What happens when love includes more than you bargained for?
My son (who you already heard from in episode #50) fell in love with a woman who already had a son. He had hesitations early in the relationship because falling in love with his then-girlfriend meant being part of an instant family.
Did he want that?
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
Unpack one of the suitcases in your sweetheart’s life. Notice how that thing that may, at times, feel like a burden is actually what created the exact person you love in your sweetheart.
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How do you balance sacrifice and self-expression in your relationship?
In this shorter episode, we hear from a previous guest: Jean Hodges. Jean was my theatre teacher in high school and an all-around-life mentor. Here she talks about 2 attitudes she faced in her married life of almost 6 decades. I wanted to share this with you because the juxtaposition in these two ideas rang so deeply with my own life:
- First she says, “I had to become more of myself before I could join with another”
- Then, later in her life she says, “I needed to grieve the life I was leading on my own in order to join with another”
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Today I interview my sister, Katie Elliott, about her marriage. Katie and her husband, Jimmy Lavita, were co-artistic creators of 3rd Law Dance until his death in 2017. Katie continues to direct the company now on her own. Together they built an artistic life where “new ideas are generated through the push and pull in movement, emotion, and ideas that create dynamic working relationships.”
Today you’ll hear:
- About how seeing your partner for exactly, precisely who they are will deepen the love you share
- You’ll hear why trying to change your partner stops the flow of love, and how you can surrender your need to change them
- Finally, you’ll hear the secret to receiving love. Hint: it’s the opposite of having a recipe and getting what you thought you wanted
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Looking for a good date night option?
Consider a date that includes water. Water dates have rebooted my marriage multiple times. Water is calming. Water is invigorating. And water invites each of you to show up and notice what is real. In this episode:
- We’ll talk about the three roles in your relationship: Partner, Lover, and Friend and how they are each impacted by the water
- I’ll tell you a story about how a water adventure reset my marriage after a troubled time
- And I’ll suggest a specific water date for your relationship
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
Find a body of water and put yourselves in, on, or beside this water. Then notice what you need from the water.
Date Night Discussion
This week instead of talking, allow the water to offer you the silence of being together. Allow yourselves to NOT talk and notice how much you say to one another by sharing an experience of silence.
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How do two people go from meeting in a Dairy Queen as teenagers, to cultivating a connection so deep that their marriage can withstand a major life change?
Today we get to hear from my niece and nephew, Chris and Megan Tidd. They are childhood sweethearts, and they’ve been together 23 years. During those years, they’ve raised two wonderful children and, in addition to careers as engineer and teacher, they’ve both gotten graduate degrees. You’ll hear how they:
- Pay attention to their monthly “anniversor” to remind them of the commitment they made to each other
- You’ll hear how they deal with the opposites attract element in their relationship to form a helix of interconnection
- And why acknowledging the Hole Megan was feeling in her heart is crucial to furthering that connection
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
For this week’s habit for your happily ever after, I’m wondering if you have a desire to mark your “anniversor?” If you had a monthly rhythm to acknowledge your vows of commitment, what would it be?
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Is it difficult for you to feel loved? To feel truly and deeply loved?
Today we explore what happens to your relationship when it’s hard to love yourself.
- I’ll tell you about the deep hole of loneliness I carried from childhood well into adulthood
- How you can begin—or continue—to feel worthy of love
- And how worthiness—and what I call The Love Well—is the key ingredient to allowing you to receive the deep love you crave.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This weeks habit for your happily ever after is to identify how you can build your own Love Well.
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When you have a conflict with your partner, do you react to what they're saying rather than respond?
In this episode, you’ll meet Mary Beth Luedtke, a licensed professional counselor candidate practicing in Grand Junction, Colorado. She is also a dear friend.
Mary Beth is here to talk about how our emotional intelligence impacts our relationships:
- You’ll learn about the “forbidden” emotions of our childhood and how those unidentified emotions turn into the “issues” that clog up our relationships.
- You’ll get a habit to help you become more skilled at emotional intelligence so you can recognize these emotions
- And, finally, you’ll hear how my world opens up as I practice this habit for you to hear.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week's habit for your happily ever after is to become aware of your emotions.
Nuance helps enormously. How specific can you name your emotion? See how the specificity increases your awareness as you attempt to feel those emotions?
Date Night Discussion
This week, have a discussion with yourself about your emotions.
How many emotions can you name?
Of those emotions, how many different ways can you name them? How many different ways do you feel joy, anger, or sadness?
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Connect with my guest
Connect with Mary Beth here.
To give you something quick to listen to, we created this bonus of Mariah’s affirmation alphabet. Enjoy.
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Visit Byron and Mariah's website here.
In this bonus episode, I talk with Mariah Edgington about how to receive or allow loving opportunities to reach your heart:
- You'll hear how in order to receive love, you need to first feel worthy of love
- You'll hear how Mariah's past affected her ability to receive love
- And you'll get a practice to use to help you affirm your worthiness
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Visit Byron and Mariah's website here.
In this episode, I interview the speaking duo of Byron and Mariah Edgington. They met when Mariah was an ICU nurse and Byron was an emergency services flight helicopter pilot.
- You’ll hear how, even with the best of intentions, Byron hurt his wife’s feelings for years
- Why Mariah’s neurodiversity diagnosis is deepening their connection to each other
- And how they expanded their love when Mariah cared for herself first.
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Visit Byron and Mariah's website here.
Last week I gave you an example of Tyler and Alia and the three things from their marriage meeting. We did that workshop style so you could start and stop the recording while you and your sweetheart have your own Planning session. Today we’ll do the same thing, but we’ll concentrate on Reviewing the previous week.
- You’ll see the importance of time to review the plan you made, not so you find fault, but rather to help you understand what’s realistic and where you’re expecting too much from yourselves.
- You’ll get review questions so you and your sweetheart can review the week you planned last week.
- And you’ll see how reviewing thoughtfully enables you to make a more mindful plan for the upcoming week.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
In order to cement this habit of the marriage meeting into your lifestyle, this week’s habit for your happily ever after is to talk about why this meeting makes you happy.
Or, if happiness is too big a stretch, talk about how you can see this meeting help improve your communication.
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Last week we discussed why and how a marriage meeting can help your relationship. Today I’ll walk you through a typical marriage meeting to help you prepare for yours:
- I'll explain the Plan-Do-Review template that will help you navigate the nitty gritty details that, if untended, cause conflict
- Then you’ll see why discussing a Plan at the beginning of the week fends off conflicts before they have a chance to grow
- And you’ll get true to life examples you can borrow
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to talk about why this meeting makes you happy. Or, if happiness is too big a stretch, talk about how you can see this meeting help improve your communication.
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View a graphic to help you plan here.
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Why is a marriage meeting to handle the details of life better for your relationship than a date night?
Because the niggling details of life--like whose turn it is to clean the bathroom or who's in charge of dinner--cause tiny resentments when they're unclear.
Resentment kills sexual chemistry.
A marriage meeting is the place for you to regularly and predictably make the invisible details of life visible. Chaos of life? Handled.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
Use of of the scripts I offer to intentionally ask your partner to sit down with you to have a marriage meeting.
Connect to Improve Your Relationship CommunicationVisit the show notes here.
Here's a link to the episodes I mention about the Partner and the Lover so you'll understand why tending to the details of partnership in your marriage will improve your sexual chemistry.
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Are there some aspects of your marriage that aren't what you expect?
Today we talk to science writer, Christie Aschwanden, about uncertainty. I recently listened to her podcast from Scientific American titledUncertain, and I was struck by the parallels in science and relationships.
We’ll discuss the unknown perceptions we have that color the way we see the world and how those unknown perceptions can cause conflict in your relationship:
- We’ll discuss how being wrong can strengthen your relationship
- I’ll offer you a habit to help you spot those invisible perceptions so you connect with your sweetheart more deeply
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to use the phrase, “Tell me where I’m wrong.”
Date Night Discussion
Take a look at the dress that broke the internet. What do you see? What does your sweetheart see?
Talk about how weird it is that two people can both see the truth, yet see something so totally different.
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Visit Christie's website.
Connect on social media.
Listen to UNCERTAIN.
Listen to her other podcast Emerging Form.
As Taylor Swift warns us, we can sit on the sidelines of our life believing the bumps and the breakers, the hurdles and the haters, or we can shake it off.
There’s strong science behind this. Animals shake to alter their state: so shake off stress, sleepiness, or discomfort. It will work for you too.
Follow along with my 60-second shakedown and calm the stress caused by your relationship hurdles.
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How do we cultivate resilience?
Today we’ll explore 3 simple steps you can employ whenever you’ve encountered one of life’s bumps and you need to dust yourself off and start over:
- You’ll hear about the importance of shaking it off: literally
- You’ll get a 4-minute date night idea to recharge your battery so you can begin again
- We’ll talk about the power of beginning again. And again. And again. Because being able to begin again is at the core of resilience.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to find your version of shaking it off.
Here's a link to my 60-second bonus episode to help you shake off your bad mood. Literally.
Date Night Discussion
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to find your version of shaking it off.
Do you want to rely on Taylor Swift and her song? Or do you need something different?
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Do you need to have a heart connection with your partner to get turned on? Or does physical intimacy help you from that connection?
In this bonus episode, Courtney Fae Long offers more ways you can experience loving physical connection.
You'll hear Courtney's deeper discussion about this week's habit for your happily ever after, and you'll hear her answers to my rapid fire relationship questions.
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Visit Courtney Fae Long's website here.
Connect on social media here.
Do you want more pleasure in your life and your relationship?
Today we talk to Courtney Fae Long. Courtney is a leading-edge sexuality educator who teaches couples and individuals how to make magic in the bedroom.
In this episode, Courtney walks us through the journey that it takes to transform from a caterpillar into a butterfly when it comes to receiving pleasure:
- We'll look at 3 types of sensuality that prime you to enjoy your sex life more
- You'll hear Courtney teach you how to ignite the fire of desire inside yourself
- You'll hear about a controversial way to up the emotion in your sex life
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
Schedule sex with your partner to enjoy all-day-foreplay.
Date Night Discussion
This week discuss how each of you experience sex and intimacy.
Are you more likely to need to feel that heart connection in order to get turned on physically? Or does the physical intimacy help you open your heart?
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Visit Courtney Fae Long's website here.
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What if protecting your marriage is actually causing deeper relationship problems?
Your marriage is important to you. You want to ensure that what you’ve built with your partner will last. But fear for your marriage will do more harm than good to your relationship.
In this episode, we’ll talk about why protecting your relationship is killing your chemistry:
- We’ll examine why you (or maybe your partner) shoot down the idea for a fancy date night: hint the answer is romantic.
- You’ll learn the difference between wanting energy that fuels your desire for a more exciting future vs protective energy that keeps you safely housed in the life you have today.
- You’ll get a simple strategy to change your self-talk so you can wake up your desire without frightening that Inner Lizard that’s always trying to keep you safe.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
Notice what you want to create vs. what you’re trying to protect.
One way to do this is to revive your want. Talk to yourself about things you have already.
Date Night Discussion
This week, talk to your partner about an Inner Lizard moment.
Instead of attacking, or blaming your sweetheart’s Inner Lizard, show them so love.
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Are you sick of having the "What's for dinner?" argument every night?
My guest today is Jenna Lee Rude, the founder of the app Raised on Plants. She's here to offer practical tips to stop dinner-time disagreements and help you feel good about what you feed your family. You'll hear how:
- Meal prep doesn't have to be overwhelming. Prep quick-grab foods when you have time so that busy week nights are easier.
- It's easier than ever to feed you family plant-based foods that nourish them.
- Feeding your family is Big Work. It's important to be gentle with yourself as you work out a plan that fits with your values.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
Go on a food adventure to find a new color of food to eat. Try shopping the rainbow, or choose a plant that you can introduce into your breakfast.
Date Night Discussion
I invite you to listen to how Jenna and her family talk about food.
How can you involve everyone who eats in your household to be a part of choosing the foods you eat?
Connect with My Guest
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Have you ever felt so tired you didn't know what you needed?
Today, we’ll break down rest into 3 categories so you know how to treat yourself when you’re exhausted. Because not every kind of tired is the same:
- You’ll discover how exhaustion is wounding your relationship and why it’s critical to your happily ever after to learn how to give yourself the rest you need.
- You’ll understand why your dreams are dependent on rest as much as hard work
- You’ll get practical tips for diagnosing not only the type of rest you need, but the specific sort of rest that rejuvenates you and launches you into a life filled with love and happiness.
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
Notice what kind of rest you need.
Give yourself that rest.
Keep giving yourself that rest until you’re ready to upgrade your level of rest.
Date Night Discussion
This week, talk with your partner about these 3 types of rest.
What kind of recovery rest do you each value?
Read the full date night discussion here.
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Feeling pleasure allows you to grow as a human being.
We all are taught how growing pains make us stronger. But we rarely talk about how growing pleasures make us stronger.
My guest is the romance novelist Grace Woods, author of the trilogy: To Be Continued...
This is a steamy book with some great sex scenes, but I was even more compelled by the character's journey. In this episode, we talk about:
- How you can stop resisting pleasure and develop a full capacity to whole-heartedly receive pleasure
- The connection between erotic romance novels and relationship coaching
- How pleasure can help you connect to your partner on a deeper level
Habit for Your Happily Ever AfterTalk with your partner and come up with your own "Purple" word to let each other know that you want more.
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Connect with my guestPurchase To Be Continued by Grace Woods.
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"What is a happy marriage?" is not the only question you should ask.
Is your goal to have a happy marriage?
Today we're going to address the age-old question of "What makes a happy marriage?" by exploring the deeper truth of marriage:
- You'll hear why this might actually be the wrong question to ask
- I'll introduce you to a book and a podcast that examine this subject from a different point of view
- I'll offer you a discussion and a habit so that you can deepen your relationship by asking a different question
Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to ask a different question about your marriage.
Instead of asking the same old question, “What makes our marriage happy?” You could ask, "What is comforting in our relationship?" or "What do I learn about love from our relationship?" or "How does this relationship support my personal growth?"
Date Night Discussion
This week I invite you to talk with your partner about the enormous variety of questions you could ask yourself about your relationship.
When you learn how to ask a wide variety of questions about your marriage, your marriage will expand to meet your curiosity.
So discuss among yourselves. What else do you want in addition to a happy marriage?
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Have you thought about what it will take to let go of your shame? To finally own your story?It's not an easy thing to do. It takes time and consideration.
That's why psychotherapist, author, speaker, and media contributor Dr. Zoe Shaw is joining me for another episode to talk more about shame.
In this episode, you'll get suggestions for mitigating the power of shame in your primary relationship:
- You’ll hear why it’s important to answer our anxious questions
- How to harness your imagination to reduce shame
- And how you can make a distinction between grief and shame so you don’t get stuck in a false story
Habit for Your Happily Ever AfterCreate a self-care recipe for someone you dearly love who is in need of some self-care.
Then try following that recipe yourself.
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Connect with my guestVisit Dr. Zoe Shaw's website here.
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Shame is heavy. Don't let it weigh you down.Is your shame heavy? Does it sit on your shoulders and make you feel small?
Today my guest is psychotherapist, author, speaker, and media contributor Dr. Zoe Shaw. She is a relationship expert who specializes in the subject of complex shame and codependency.
In this episode you'll hear:
- How the shame you felt as a child impacts your adult relationships
- Why we accept shame and betray ourselves for the sake of belonging
- How shame can be overcome when you can take back your story and find your voice
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Connect with my guestVisit Dr. Zoe Shaw's website here.
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Strengthen your relationship when you apologize better.
Is it hard for you to apologize to your partner? Is your partner apology-challenged?
Your relationship communication will improve when your "sorry" becomes more effective. Today we'll look at how to apologize better:
- We’ll look at 3 types of lousy apologies so we can spot the bad habits
- We’ll clean those up with 4 specific steps to make your apology shine
- I’ll offer you a date night discussion to help you listen with love to your partner instead of proving that you’re right and why that makes all the difference
The 4 Steps to a Deeper Apology:
- Say the word “sorry” or something similar
- Take responsibility for your behavior
- Acknowledge your partner’s feelings
- Offer a plan for change
Date Night Discussion:
This week let yourselves talk about step 3: How does your partner feel when you’ve hurt their feelings?
Do these two things as your partner begins to tell you how they feel:
- Listen to your partner’s feelings
- Calm your inner lizard who is terrified that listening in this way means you’ll be indicted
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3 Magic words to awaken the dream in your relationship.Does it matter how you talk to your sweetheart? Have you ever felt nagged? Or maybe you did the nagging and wished you could take your words back?
Today we explore questions that damn your relationship from the get go vs questions that awaken the dream for your relationship.
- We’ll discuss the difference between an agenda and an invitation
- You’ll see how to change an agenda into an invitation by simply changing the question you ask
- And in our date night discussion section, you and your sweetheart can laugh as you change oppressive agendas into an invitation you can’t resist
Habit for Your Happily Ever AfterChange "Why" to What, How, or When to awaken the dream for your relationship.
Use 3 steps to make the change:
- Notice the damn.
- Notice your feelings.
- Change "Why" to What, How, or When
Date Night DiscussionPractice by laughing with your partner as you change these questions to reflect your dream for your relationship:
- Why don’t you ever ask me to help you with cooking?
- Why are you always going out with your friends instead of me?
- Why is it that you get your glass all the way from the back bedroom to the countertop right next to the dishwasher but you can’t put it into the dishwasher?
- Why can’t you manage to empty the trash?
- Why don’t you ever initiate sex?
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How can you use a food truck at your wedding or summer party to save money and create a fun vibe?
In episode 50 my son, Logan, and I talked about eloping and how laughter helps in your relationship communication. He's back as a guest to offer his wisdom as a food truck owner.
It's officially wedding season and Logan has some advice about to handle food at your wedding. In this bonus episode, you’ll hear:
- Why a food truck is an affordable option for food at your wedding
- How having a food truck brings a unique and fun vibe to your wedding
- Some questions to ask to ensure everything goes smoothly if you are hiring a food truck for your wedding
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Do you struggle in your relationship to communicate about problems without being a jerk? How does laughter impact your relationship communication?
It comes easily to my son, Logan. It's his superpower. I'm thrilled to have him as a guest on the podcast to celebrate the milestone of my 50th episode.
Logan's superpower helps him be a better husband. In this episode you'll hear:
- Logan's elopement story and the advantages and disadvantages that come with eloping
- Why laughter is a great choice for your relationship conflict resolution
- How our pets teach us about unconditional love
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Why are you sometimes thrilled to follow your sweetheart’s lead and sometimes you run in the other direction? Or worse: push your sweetheart away when they make a suggestion?
In this episode, we’re going to talk about the powerful difference between an invitation and an agenda.
- We’ll look at the difference between an invitation which feels like a hand extended and an agenda which feels like a big, fat shove
- I’ll tell you a story from my marriage when a gorgeous invitation changed to become a demanding shove
- And I’ll give you a habit that helps you connect to the dream you have for your relationship so you can extend your invitation rather than shoving your agenda at your sweetheart
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Do you and your partner take on certain roles in your relationship?
Today my guest is Chantel Landeros, founding partner and psychotherapist at Thrive Marriage & Family Counseling in Grand Junction, Colorado. In this episode, Chantel talks about how remaining curious will keep you from feeling stuck in a relationship role.
You’ll hear:
- Why establishing roles in your relationship helps to uncover hidden expectations and how that helps prevent conflict
- You’ll get some fabulous conversation prompts to help you get curious about the hidden assumptions lurking in your relationship
- And we’ll give you a 90-second habit that will change the way you experience conflict and increase the trust you feel for your partner
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What is pleasure? Why does it matter? How does feeling pleasure impact you? Impact your relationship?
In this episode, you’ll hear from transformational coach and author, Kirstin Hotelling Zona. Kirstin left the safety of her tenure-track position as a professor—complete with the security of lifelong health benefits to follow her desire: wherever that desire leads her.
You’ll hear:
- Why following your desire is always the safest decision you can make (even though it feels terrifying!)
- The simple—but not always easy—path that connects you to your desire
- And how to cultivate a habit that tunes you into your pleasure so your pleasure can guide you
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What do you notice when your partner forgets to clean the kitchen? Do you add it to the list of evidence that your partner is bad at doing the housework? Or do you get curious about your partner's perspective on why they didn't do the chore?
In this episode, you'll hear about the power of noticing in your relationship. When you can notice without judgment, your relationship will undergo an enormous change.
- We'll talk about how it's tempting to come up with good guy vs bad guy narratives in our relationships
- You'll hear how curiosity cultivates compassion
- I'll give you a habit that will challenge you to notice without judging
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Why does self-care play such a vital role in your relationship?
If you feel like you are living beyond your capacity, it may be getting in the way of your self-care. And when you're not taking care of yourself, it can harm your relationship.
In this episode, we'll talk about how to decide what's important to you so you can avoid relationship conflict.
- You’ll hear a story about my dog and how I learned the value of self-care
- You’ll hear about two fundamental elements of self-care: capacity and nourishment and why they are sometimes in conflict
- I’ll give you a simple habit so you don’t get overwhelmed by all the choices there are for taking care of yourself
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If you've ever wondered when to intervene with your child and when to let go and trust them to know what's good for them, this episode is for you.
Allison Evans joins us again to offer clarity on why staying out of your child's business is actually the caring thing to do.
In this episode:
- You'll hear about how the age-old struggle of nourishing your child can be helped by staying out of your child's business
- You'll receive a tool to help you judge your child in a way that won't hurt them
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My guest today, Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer, lives into this question. Her son, Finn, died by suicide two and a half years ago.
The pain Rosemerry felt was extreme. Her world crumbled.
In this episode:
- You'll hear about how hurt can disguise love
- You'll learn how to use your love-translator
- You'll understand the importance of being patient with yourself and your spouse when you're in pain
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Don't you wish this were true??
When you have unspoken expectations of your partner, it feels bad for both of you. My guest today, Allison Evans, promises you’ll feel much freer if you stay in your own business.
In this episode:
- You’ll hear a different perspective about the struggle for fairness when it comes to chores
- You’ll realize why you might be creating your own frustration, and how to stop
- You’ll get help: 4 questions to ask yourself so you take back your personal power
- You’ll feel Allison’s gentle approach to chores, relationship, and creating a peace-filled home
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What happens in your marriage when life falls apart?
In the last three years, Chris and Sarah Dedmon have faced a mountain of grief including the loss of two parents at the same time. In this episode they talk with me about how their marriage has survived these difficult times.
You'll hear:
- Why a clean ask will help your spouse understand your grief
- How your "loving lenses" can reduce the negative impact of grief on your marriage
- And why the choice to make time for your marriage--even when you're struggling--will allow you to reconnect with your spouse
Check out my guest, Sarah's, podcast by clicking here.
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There is no right way to grieve. There is also no wrong way to grieve.
How do you navigate the unpredictability of grief? I'm offering two tools to help.
You'll hear:
- How a grief sandbox allows you to process grief that has no words
- Why a grief pillow can help you heal when you feel the heaviness of grief in your body
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What does it take to have a 59-year marriage? You want a lifetime of love, but how do you deal with the difficult times?
Today you'll hear from Jean Hodges, my high school theatre teacher. She was married almost 6 decades before her husband, Jack died.
You'll hear:
- About the 3 phases of love during a lifetime
- Why marriage is a love-laboratory
- and why making a clean ask is crucial even when it might hurt your partner's feelings for a bit
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Conflict is a normal part of a relationship.
How you handle conflict will determine the flavor of your relationship 10 years from now.
Do you yell, and call your partner names? Or do you know how to be kind, even when the moment is difficult?
Create a pressure relief valve so you don't blow up your relationship when conflict makes you scared or angry.
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There is enough.
Do you struggle with that feeling of overwhelm or scarcity? You're constantly panicked that you'll "run out" or "lose out" or somehow "miss out?"
Maybe you feel like YOU'RE not enough?
This bonus episode is a meditation designed to be used with episode 34.
This meditation will remind you that support is all around you.
You'll be guided to think of the trees who are constantly making air for you to breathe.
Enough air. Enough calm. YOU are enough.
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There is enough.
Do you struggle with that feeling of overwhelm or scarcity? You're constantly panicked that you'll "run out" or "lose out" or somehow "miss out?"
Maybe you feel like YOU'RE not enough?
This bonus episode is a meditation designed to be used with episode 34.
This meditation will remind you that support is all around you.
You'll be guided to remember that your body knows how to breathe without any effort on your part. Because of this revelation, you'll see how there is enough.
Enough air. Enough calm. That YOU are enough.
Connect to Improve Your Relationship CommunicationPre-order my book using this link.
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Do you struggle with that feeling of overwhelm or scarcity? You're constantly panicked that you'll "run out" or "lose out" or somehow "miss out?"
Maybe you feel like YOU'RE not enough?
This bonus episode is a meditation designed to be used with episode 34.
This meditation will remind you that you can trust your body. You can calm your body.
You'll be guided to send your breath to various parts of your body so you FEEL how there is enough.
Enough air. Enough calm. That YOU are enough.
Connect to Improve Your Relationship CommunicationPre-order my book using this link.
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What do you do when you lose control? You're a volcano and you just erupted.
Would you believe that your breath--that simple thing that's always with you and you take for granted--is the best thing to help you get regulated quickly.
Amygdala HijackIn this episode we talk about the amygdala hijack: why it happens and how to calm your system down.
Breathing MeditationThen you'll get a hack to help you improve any breathing meditation you do.
This episode is designed to be used together with the next 3 bonus episodes where I've pulled out just the meditations.
6 Steps to Better Marriage CommunicationI've written a book! Or at least I've almost finished.
Pre-order my book using this link.
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Do you set a clear boundary in your relationship? Or are you sending mixed signals in your relationship?
This episode discusses 4 ways you might be sending a mixed signal:
- You take the trash out yourself in spite of your agreement
- You criticize your spouse for not taking out the trash
- You drown your spouse in solutions for getting the trash to the curb
- You make the trash omnipotent
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is:Notice the mixed signals you might be unintentionally sending rather than creating a clear and consistent boundary.
Which of the above 4 mixed signals do you tend to default to?
This week’s date night discussion is:This week I invite you and your spouse to discuss the mixed signals you send.
6 Steps to Better Marriage CommunicationI've written a book! Or at least I've almost finished. This episode is a sneak peek into step 6: Build Boundaries
You'll learn about why fear is just trying to protect you. But you'll also see how fear is damaging your relationship communication.
Pre-order my book using this link.
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“It doesn’t count if I have to ask for appreciation.” This is a common complaint in my coaching practice.
You want your spouse to notice you cleaned the bathroom and say thank you.
You go to the gym partly because you want to look good for your spouse, but then they just complain that you’re late getting home.
You feel invisible when you do all that work of booking the flight, the VRBO, and arranging for a cool TourByLocal event. All you heard was a complaint about how early you had to leave for the airport.
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is:· Ask cleanly for your spouse to thank you more often.
· Or look for the thank yous you’re not offering to your spouse.
We’ll discuss ideas for where to look for a unique thank you.
This week’s date night discussion is:“How was the word, ‘Thank you’ used in your home growing up?”
Some families practice saying thank you all the time, while in other households “Thank you” is something you’re made to say for the itchy sweater that Aunt Ellen gave you and you don’t even want to wear that thing!
Your history with thank you will inform your marriage today.
6 Steps to Better Marriage CommunicationI've written a book! Or at least I've almost finished. This episode is a sneak peek into step 1: Overcome fear.
You'll learn about why fear is just trying to protect you. But you'll also see how fear is damaging your relationship communication.
Pre-order my book using this link.
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I stomped down the hall as my husband’s icy zinger bit me from behind, “We were having fun until you came home.”
Ouch!
He never talks that way. He’s typically so kind. But he was hurt. And I was the one who’d hurt him.
How did I hurt him? I strangled him with conditions on my love, one after another until, gasping for air, he exploded.
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is:Examine your if/then conditions on love.
This week’s date night discussion is:As a team with your spouse, look at if/then conditions on love in the world around you.
6 Steps to Better Marriage CommunicationI've written a book! Or at least I've almost finished. This episode is a sneak peak into step 1: Overcome fear.
You'll learn about why fear is just trying to protect you. But you'll also see how fear is damaging your relationship communication.
Pre-order my book using this link.
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How do you ask your partner for what you want? In today's episode we discuss The Clean Ask Formula. You'll learn how anger--if harnessed effectively--can help you ask cleanly and improve your relationship communication.
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is:Strive to eliminate a dirty ask and reach for the clean ask. This week's habit is to examine your dirty asks from the past and practice cleaning them up.
This week’s date night discussion is:As a team, examine some dirty asks of other people. As you and your partner team up, you're collaborating to investigate what a dirty ask looks like and how you can clean it up using The Clean Ask Formula.
6 Steps to Better Marriage CommunicationI've written a book! Or at least I've almost finished. This episode is a sneak peak into step 1: Overcome fear.
You'll learn about why fear is just trying to protect you. But you'll also see how fear is damaging your relationship communication.
Pre-order my book using this link.
ConnectVisit the show notes here.
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Want to resolve conflict in your marriage communication?
How do you get clear so you can avoid the typical conflict triggers that lead to poor communication?
Hear about the MAJOR conflict in my marriage. Are you ready for it? It was about how my husband--even though he got up later than me--didn't make the bed.
Seriously, it was a conflict that lasted decades. You'll hear all the stories I told myself that polluted my marriage. And why clarity is crucial if you're going to avoid conflict.
This week's habit for your happily ever afteris to stay in your own business. We'll discuss what this means and why it's crucial to your marriage communication.
6 Steps to Better Marriage CommunicationI've written a book! Or at least I've almost finished. This episode is a sneak peak into step 2: Get Clear.
You'll learn about why confusion is at the heart of conflict. When you get clear you have better relationship communication.
Pre-order my book using this link.
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It would make it so much easier if relationship communication fears came out of your mouth wearing blue smoke.
Then your partner would know to slow down and listen more carefully.
But fears hide. And then fears pollute your relationship communication.
6 Steps to Better Marriage CommunicationI've written a book! Or at least I've almost finished. This episode is a sneak peak into step 1: Overcome fear.
You'll learn about why fear is just trying to protect you. But you'll also see how fear is damaging your relationship communication.
Pre-order my book using this link.
ConnectVisit the show notes here.
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This week's date night discussionYou and your partner both have disguises you wear to keep fear hidden. Try naming your fear--each of you. When you name a fear, you tame a fear.
Then discuss how your fear-disguises impact your relationship communication.
What is a codependent relationship? And how do I transition to an interdependent relationship?
This is an interview with therapists Dawn Larson and James Buchanan.
They bring the wisdom of more than 40 years as professional therapists, and then they get personal. You’ll hear about the codependent relationships they both exited and how they’ve created new, interdependent, habits as they begin their married life together.
I’m excited for you to hear how they have integrated and applied all that they’ve learned professionally into their private marriage.
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This week's relationship habit for your happily ever after: Process TimeDawn and James keep a list on their phones of issues they need to process in order to keep their relationship clean and healthy.
They recommend having a predictable time for your relationship process time. For them, it’s Saturday morning over coffee. When you bring up issues in this framework of safety, it avoids the punch of unpredictable rants and fights.
You and your partner learn to expect the more challenging topics in your relationship at this time. But, because it’s predictable and not surprising, you each bring your grow-up selves to the discussion.
Eventually, you’ll notice there are fewer and fewer topics to address.
How do you know when it's time to divorce?We all face relationship struggles.
What’s the difference between struggles that will make your relationship stronger, and struggles that signal it’s time to divorce?
My guest, Kate, talks about how long she considered leaving her marriage. She was concerned about the impact on her three sons. She wanted to make certain she’d tried everything in case the situation could be fixed.
Listen to how she treats the relationship with herself that helped her know it was time to leave the marriage.
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The mantra that will help you find yourself inside your relationshipI’m worthy. I matter. I’m enough.
Kate recited this mantra to herself daily for over a year as she thawed out the emotions she had suppressed.
If you are a natural giver, you might find it challenging at times to see the difference between your needs and the needs of those around you. It's important to listen to your own feelings even inside your most intimate relationship.
This mantra helped Kate locate herself and listen to her own feelings inside her relationship.
Is your relationship an "opposites attract" sort of thing?Today is my first interview on this podcast, and I'm thrilled to welcome Shannon Markland to talk about the yin and yang in her relationship.
In this episode you'll hear:
- The story of how Shannon met her husband, Patrick, and how that first meeting set a template for their relationship
- How Chinese Medicine has practical applications in the daily life of this couple as they play with the yin and yang energy in their relationship
- Their proposal story and how the ocean itself sent friends to cheer them on
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When you ask your spouse a question, do you get one-word replies instead of a conversation?Today we’re talking about the role of friendship in your relationship and what happens when the friend doesn’t show up.
- Today I’ll introduce you to The Ghost who haunts your relationship
- You’ll understand why the Ghost makes it difficult to connect with your spouse
- And you’ll get some strategies to strengthen your friendship so it doesn’t become invisible and slowly disappear
Remember my marriage framework? It’s made up of The Friend, who provides companionship, the Lover who explores excitement, and The Partner who helps you get stuff done.
ConnectIf you'd like to read a transcript of this episode, visit my blog here.
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Is your spouse controlling or judgmental? Does your spouse keep score in your relationship?I’m Rebecca Mullen, a relationship coach living in Western Colorado.
- Today I’ll introduce you to The Saboteur: the shadow side of The Partner
- You’ll understand why the Saboteur is controlling and critical
- And you’ll get a magic question that tames The Saboteur so it doesn’t take over your relationship.
Remember my marriage framework? It’s made up of The Friend, who provides companionship, the Lover who explores excitement, and The Partner who helps you get stuff done.
ConnectIf you'd like to read a transcript of this episode, visit my blog here.
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Vulnerability can leave you lonely even in a marriage relationship.Have you ever had a fabulous relationship exchange with your spouse, and then, an hour or a day later, you feel emptier, or lonelier than ever before?
Today we’ll return to my marriage framework of Partner, Lover, and Friend. We’ll discuss
- What it means to consummate your marriage (hint: it’s not what you think).
- And you’ll get a habit to practice that involves a magic trick of connecting completely
ConnectWant to gIf you'd like to read a transcript of this episode, visit my blog here.
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Link to the video here.
How often do you say "thank you" to your partner?Today we explore the 4 magical ways two simple words will vastly improve your happily ever after:
1. You’ll discover how thank you can be a door of permission for you to create the life of your dreams
2. We’ll explore why thank you is often preferable to the word sorry
3. And you’ll discover how thank you can provide an attitude shift for you or your partner
ConnectIf you'd like to read a transcript of this episode, visit my blog here.
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A workshop to help you avoid conflict when it comes to shared work or choresYou share work in your relationship: cleaning the toilet and meal-prep. How can you share chores with more happiness and less conflict?
- We’ll identify 5 conversations you can have to create clarity between you and your spouse when it comes to chores.
- I’ll give you some sample scripts you can use.
- And I’ll give you the two words that help prevent conflict.
Click here to get the PDF and follow along while you listen.
If you'd like to see the questions written out, visit my webpage here.
If you'd like to read a transcript of this episode, visit my blog here.
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What is better than the twitterpation feeling of dating?
In this episode we'll discuss the invisible power of happily ever after and why comfort is so crucial to the longevity of your relationship.
- We’ll talk about why comfort is invisible until there’s a crisis
- What you can do to make comfort less invisible
- And I’ll give you a discussion prompt to help you clarify what makes your relationship more comfortable
Habit for Your Happily Ever AfterFind the invisible comforts in your relationship
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to notice what is probably invisible: the connection moments in your relationship that bring you comfort.
Try this date night discussion:
This week, when you have a few minutes to connect with your spouse, tell your spouse your story of comfort.
Want to get your batch of date nights onto the calendar and into your memory bank?
In this bonus episode, you can stop and start the podcast with your spouse. You'll be led through prompts to create unique dates for your Partner, Friend, and Lover.
Want to see the show notes? Click here.
Want to read a transcript? Click here.
Is it hard for you to think of creative dates?
In today's episode you'll hear how I magically invited my husband to my favorite kind of date night, and why HE SUGGESTED the same kind of date later on.
The way you invite to a date night is criticalToday you'll learn the magic of the invitation to your date nights so you and your sweetheart have fun things to do that nourish your relationship.
- We’ll look at the three types of dates: for the Lover, the Friend, and the Partner
- You’ll learn to set the stage for your date night summit so you both come to the table full of ideas
- And you’ll improve your invitation game by learning how to back up and be patient when you invite your sweetheart on a date.
Want to see the show notes? Click here.
Want to read the transcript? Click here.
Today we’ll talk about the toxic impact that a layer of shame has on your relationship and the intimacy you crave.
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We’ll look at the emotions that cause shame
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You’ll identify three culprits that are likely to breed shame, and thus hinder open, honest conversation
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And I’ll give you a habit and a discussion to wash shame out of your relationship so you can feel more connection with your sweetheart
Link to the show notes page here.It only took me 20+ years to discard a layer of shame that was polluting my marriage.
I didn’t know it was there. It clung to me the same way my step-father’s cigarette smoke infused my clothes when I was a girl. My nose got so used to the smell, I didn’t notice it.
The shame came from a tug-of-war I first felt just after my first child was born. I didn’t feel worthy as a provider because I didn’t earn much money.
And I didn’t feel worthy as a parent because I was so sleep-deprived I regularly lost my temper.
Shame emerged as blameI thought the reason I blamed my husband for the new boots he bought was because he spent too much money.
But once I cleared away my shame, I realized I blamed him and shamed him because I felt embarrassed of the income I earned.
Shame grows out of perfection, comparison, and focusing on your failures.
Try this:Shift your focus.
It’s tempting to focus on all the ways you don’t measure up. We all fall prey to the negativity bias that keeps on focus on what’s wrong.
But when you shift your focus to all the ways you’re living up to your values, you wash shame away.
When I realized I’d made choices that served my values all those years raising kids, I ran to my husband. “Hey!” I said, “It was generous of me to give so much attention to our kids rather than climb that big career ladder.”
“No duh,” said my husband. “I’ve been trying to tell you that for years.”
But I hadn’t heard that. Shame can actually keep us from seeing and hearing what’s right in front of us. Just like a smoke-filled-room.
Today we’ll examine the secret power of listening.
1. You’ll hear a story about how a sweaty stranger ended years of conflict in my marriage
2. Why it’s the Friend in your relationship that has magical powers to negotiate between the Lover and the Partner
3. And I’ll give you a habit that turns fear and embarrassment into a magic wand that brings you and your sweetheart greater connection and intimacy.
This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to go on a hunt for your hidden dreams. You'll hear me search in the rivers and mountains of Colorado. Where are your dreams hiding? And how are those hidden dreams sabotaging your happily ever after?
This week's date night discussion will help you to hear your sweetheart better. We'll examine the power of STAYING for the whole conversation.
Today we’ll discover how a simple question like “What’s for dinner?” is hiding dreams for your relationship and causing conflict.
1. What hidden dreams does your adventurous Lover hare?
2. How do those dreams cause conflict for the Partnership element of your relationship?
3. We’ll compare the Partner and the Lover inside your relationship and figure out why they disagree.
I’m Rebecca Mullen, a relationship coach living in Western Colorado.
I'm Rebecca Mullen, a relationship coach living in Western Colorado. Today we’ll look at why you might feel taken for granted in your relationship:
1. You’ll hear why cleaning the kitchen is sexy
2. You’ll get a gold-star habit that will shine a spotlight on the invisible work you do
3. And I’ll give you a discussion prompt that will offer your sweetheart a chance to tell you how proud they are of you.
Click here to see a tic-tac-toe board that gives a snapshot of your relationship. It shows how the partner, friend, and lover in your relationship relate to each other.
When your relationship is strong, you’re able to concentrate at work, reduce conflict at home, and then receive support for your dreams so you have courage to live your best life.
Are you a leech in bed?
Today we’ll talk about how to practice RECEIVING what you want instead of TAKING.
1. We’ll examine the link between wanting and receiving
2. You’ll discover why you don’t want to be a leech in bed
3. And you’ll get a habit to help you RECEIVE pleasure so you don’t have to be grabby and TAKE the pleasure the crave
We'll look at how easy it is for kids to receive pleasure, and all the messages a kid like you received about resisting pleasure.
Today's habit for your happily ever after will help you indulge a forbidden pleasure.
This week's date night discussion will invite you to tell your lover how much fun it is to watch them quench a deep desire.
In episode we’ll talk about how to own the pleasure you want to feel.
1. We’ll talk about why it’s critical to your relationship that you become responsible for your own orgasm.
2. You’ll get two habits to practice to help you identify what brings you pleasure
3. And I’ll offer you a quick-paced date night discussion that will make you laugh about having different desires.
Question
How do you own your own orgasm?
Story
You’ll hear a story about…how a bath became the learning ground to feel pleasure with my client’s husband.
You’ll understand the two elements of owning your orgasm: wanting and receiving.
The Habit for Your Happily Ever After
This week’s Habit for Your Happily Ever After helps cut through the confusion that stops you from feeling pleasure.
Date Night Discussion
This week, have fun announcing your desire aloud. Play with the simple things in life:
You: I love ketchup.
Your sweetheart: I prefer horseradish.
You: I love layers.
Your sweetheart: I’d rather wear basketball shorts
In this episode we’ll uncover the pattern you and your sweetheart have when there’s conflict.
1. We’ll look at how everyone has a typical rhythm to their misunderstandings
2. You'll get a habit to help slow the spin of an argument that gets out of control
3. And you'll get a date night discussion that will help you recognize what upsets your partner
If you'd like to see a graphic of the relationship misunderstanding cycle, visit this page of my website.
Who do you treat the worst when you've had a bad day?
If you're like most people the person you love the most gets the worst of your bad mood.
In this episode:* We'll discuss why the shrapnel of relationship stress is romantic. * You'll get a date night discussion prompt to remind you how your partner comforts you. * And you'll get a habit that will lessen stress-shrapnel in your relationship.
In this episode we talk about why the way you say hello and goodbye to your sweetheart matters. You’ll get a hello and goodbye habit to practice. I’ll give you a date night discussion prompt that will make you feel welcomed by your sweetheart. And I’ll offer you a colorful present to make a game out of Hi & Goodbye.
Visit my website: RebeccaMullenCoaching.com
Text me @ 970-210-4480 and tell me where you're hiding your HiByeHeart.
In a long relationship, How do you keep WANTING each other?
In this episode you’ll discover a way to keep your sex life thriving* You’ll hear a story about a romance that was dead and was resuscitated * You’ll get an adventurous habit * And I’ll give you a date night discussion topic so you and your lover can explore ways to tend the fire between you.
You’ll hear a story about dance class and why getting the steps perfect may be killing your romantic life.
You’ll also hear about a wild ride on The Colorado River and how a misunderstanding almost killed any chance for sex on our vacation.
How many times has your relationship or sex life been ruined by a misunderstanding? And what’s the fix?
Date Night DiscussionWhen it’s easy you’ll create a habit. And habits that connect you will foster your happily ever after. So don’t wait to talk to your spouse.
- When do you and your spouse connect best as lovers?
- What makes you WANT your lover?
- When do you feel desirable?
Hint: think about when you laugh most easily. Or when you are a little bit scared as you both step out of your comfort zones together. A tiny bit of fear—once conquered together—tends to be very bonding for lovers.
If you and your spouse only talk about the details of life, you're killing the friendship in your relationship.
Is there time to just hang out in your relationship? Or are you always busy?
In this episode we'll discuss the role of friend in your relationship:* We’ll talk about why companionship builds trust between you and your sweetheart * And I’ll give you a date night discussion prompt to make it easier to spot the ways you and your sweetheart are good companions.
Poor listening in your relationship = erosion of trustYou'll hear how poor listening became a habit in my relationship. With that bad habit, we grew further and further apart.
We got that figured out and fixed, but not before it did damage to our relationship.
Listen to the story so you can avoid "fix-it-listening" and instead listen so you can build trust in your relationship.
Want to see the full show notes for this episode? Click here to go to my website.
Overview
In this episode I introduce my relationship framework: Partner, Friend & Lover.
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We’ll talk about how you and your sweetheart can be strong teammates.
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And I’ll give you a date night discussion prompt that helps you notice how you and your partner help each other.
You want to feel like you have a teammate in your relationship.You’ll hear a story about why building a garden bed can be a very different activity depending on whether you’re in partner-mode, friend-mode, or lover-mode. And how not being in the same role at the same time causes problems for your relationship.
We’ll talk about why being in the same role at the same time makes it easier to connect in your relationship. But that doesn’t always happen, right?
- Partners want to achieve and they love the feeling of accomplishment.
- Friends want to hang out and go with the flow.
- Lovers want to explore and thrive on novelty.
I also tell a story about when my husband decided to go to graduate school when I was 6 months pregnant. I felt proud of what a great contribution I made to his career pivot.
I tell the story of how my “help” turned into “control.” Because I got tired.
The Habit for Your Happily Ever AfterThis week’s Habit for Your Happily Ever After is to ponder the partner element in your relationship.
Do you connect well as partners? Or is that relationship a struggle for you like it was for my husband and me?
Don’t worry about taking any action to change how you relate as partners. We’ll get to that. For now, let it be enough to notice how you relate naturally. And remember, it’s most kind to notice without judging. I know that’s hard to do, but it’s also key to growing intimacy.
Date Night DiscussionThis segment of my show is where I offer you a date night discussion prompt. My definition of a date is a moment of connection. And I believe in setting the bar for that connection ridiculously low.
This week, find a moment to ask your sweetheart one or more of the following:
- What do you think we do best as partners or teammates?
- When do you feel like I help you?
- When do you enjoy helping me?
Text me and let me know when your partner ENJOYS helping you. 970-210-4480. I'd love to know if it surprised you.
~~·~~ What do you think is our strongest suit when it comes to accomplishing a project together?
In this show we’ll discuss How you might be shoving in your relationship without realizing it You'll get a date night discussion prompt about what makes a good invitation
How often do you use the word “should” in your relationship?Using the word “should” is a protective move. You’re trying to protect how vulnerable you feel. But your spouse experiences the word “should” as a shove, rather than as the invitation you’re intending.
Change one word and you’ll change your relationship. The Habit for Your Happily Ever AfterChange "should" to "would" to improve your relationship communication. "Would you..." is an invitation. "You should..." is a shove. Use the "would you..." invitation in your relationship communication. Date Night Discussion Prompt for Your RelationshipTalk about invitations you loved and hated. What's the most memorable invitation you ever got? Would you rather be formally invited or receive the go-with-the-flow "Hey, come along..." type invitation. If you'd rather get a formal invite, what's an idea invitation look like to you?
Ex: I gave my husband the exact words that feel great to me when he wants me to do something with him: “Hey Wife, would you be my date …?”
In this episode:You’ll hear a story about earned love vs love that’s freely given and why keeping score in your marriage also keeps love out of reach. You’ll get a laughter challenge And I’ll introduce a new segment–Communication Breakdowns/Breakthroughs–and ask for your participation.
How do you keep score in your relationship? Do you give yourself a tally mark when you clean the kitchen? Do you dock your spouse when they don’t? Do you count the times you’ve had sex then wait because this time it’s your spouse’s turn to initiate?
When you keep score, it hurts your marriage communication. Keeping score turns love into a commodity that has to be earned. Love feels best when it is freely given.
Habit for Your Happily Ever AfterMake the “game” of keeping score a REAL GAME that makes each of you laugh. It needs to feel fun for both of you. That’s what will allow your relationship to win.
Resistance is a joy thief. We resist what we don’t want. Things like doing the dirty dishes or a spouse who doesn’t initiate sex. One of the best strategies for resisting these things is blame. When you blame your spouse for the dishes or the lack of sex in your relationship you feel righteous. But you have no joy. I’ll give you a controversial strategy for why you shouldn’t rush yourself to stop blaming in moments like this and how to seduce joy to return to your life.
I introduce how Habits for Your Happily Ever After came to be. As a child of divorce, I felt caught in the messy communication between my parents. I talk about the marriage I created based on trying to shake off the divorce residue I grew up with. And I give an overview of what you can expect from my podcast: date-night-discussion prompts & a tiny habit to support the journey of cultivating your unique happily ever after.