Trandescendant: Recent Episodes
Rya
Father/daughter duo, Joe and Rya, discuss LGBTQ family issues and how to preserve positive relationships
Somebody was probably nervous to send you this link. Nothing here asks you to change your mind. This episode is a conversation between an LGBTQ child and her father, talking about how to stay close to someone you are not going to agree with. Joe and Rya have been doing it for eleven years. If the arguing has cost more than it has won you, that is worth twenty-five minutes.
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Content note: This episode includes a personal account of suicidal thoughts and a suicide attempt. If you are struggling, you can reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 in the US, any time.
What do you do when the life you built is wrong? Jess Betts-Nelson chased the marriage, the four kids, the business and the white picket fence for nine years. But you can't marry your way out of who you are. If you are in that same bargain, telling yourself to try a little harder, Jess knows exactly how you're feeling. He has something to say to you from the other side of it.
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When someone you love disagrees with you about LGBTQ issues, faith, or politics, there is a better way through than fighting. It starts with knowing the difference between a person seeking understanding and a person seeking victory. Learn to tell the two apart and stop wasting your heart on conversations that were never going to move. Most of us were never taught how to do this. There is another way, and it just might save a relationship you were starting to give up on.
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Have you ever loved someone you could not talk yourself out of, no matter how much simpler life would have been if you could? King David knew that feeling. Joe and Rya look at the famous Bible story with fresh eyes, asking whether David was actually bisexual. LGBTQ+ readers may meet an ancestor right in the pages of the Bible. You will never read this story the same way again.
Thumbnail Image by Otto Semler based on the engravings by Carolsfeld
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Maybe you have a question you stopped asking out loud, because the last time you tried you got corrected on your wording or treated like the enemy. So here is something rare. Someone willing to take your hardest objection and build it stronger than you could, then give it an honest answer instead of a script. Rya spent years as a conservative evangelical pastor who held the skeptic's case and preached it from the pulpit. She has not forgotten how it sounds from the inside. She and Joe pick up the questions people are most afraid to ask and give them a fair hearing, no scolding and no spin.
Image by Gerd Altmann
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What if the most important thing you do for your child has nothing to do with whether you understand them yet? Loving someone well doesn't have to mean you agree with everything they do. You only have to be good at the first part. Joe and Rya show how small, everyday choices pull a child closer or push them farther away. The one thing you cannot afford to lose is the relationship itself. Your child does not need a perfect parent. They need you.
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Kris Ripper changed the gender marker on her license because Kansas law required it. Then a rainy night traffic stop over her headlights turned into a ten minute interrogation and the threat of jail time, all for doing exactly what the state told her to. Joe and Rya trace how a law sold as making IDs accurate for police did the exact opposite the first time it met the real world, and ask the question underneath it: what are these laws actually protecting when obeying them is what puts you in danger?
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What does it feel like to walk into a place where you finally get to stop explaining yourself? For a lot of people, that place is Pride. This time the microphone belongs to the community itself, real voices recorded right there at the festival. A woman who came out the day she met her wife. A mom who accepted her kid without a second's hesitation. A drag performer in seven layers of tights and a whole lot of heart. Some were standing at their very first Pride. Others have long since lost count. And if you have ever wanted to go but felt too scared to walk through the door, these are the people who will tell you that you already belong. Come hear what is waiting on the other side of the fear.
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Most stories about being LGBTQ+ start with what it costs. But ask a queer person if they'd trade it, and most won't. The road that demands so much also gives so much back. And the gifts are not small. You may be carrying something you once wished you could give away, only to discover it became the very thing that made your life worth living.
Image by greenmelinda (Creative Commons)
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Stonewall was a riot, not a parade. Fifty-seven years later, that fact still shapes every argument about what Pride should be. The people inside the LGBTQ+ community disagree more than you might think. A gay man who fought for marriage equality says the work is done. A trans woman says the backlash proves visibility still matters. A queer author says corporate Pride sold the movement out. All three trace their position back to the same 1969 riot. Hearing where they land changes what you might notice this June.
Image courtesy of National Parks Gallery. Public Domain.
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Some relationships feel harder than they should be. The conversations that used to flow now feel careful. The distance keeps quietly growing. Most advice tells you to talk it out, set boundaries, communicate better, pick the right words. But what if the most important thing you could do has nothing to do with conversation skills at all? One single practice has been studied in depth, and it might be the single most underused tool for keeping the people you love close.
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Reed Erickson used his fortune to quietly build the foundation of transgender healthcare in America. The first gender clinic at Johns Hopkins Hospital existed because of his funding. So do many of the medical pathways trans people still rely on today. He was eccentric, generous, problematic, and absolutely essential. Joe and Rya kick off Pride Month by getting to know an ancestor of the transgender community. Sometimes family is a little strange, and that's exactly the point.
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Image: Jean Beaufort
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At some time in your life, you've probably tried to convince someone that LGBTQ+ people deserve respect and equality. You presented facts, you raised your voice, and you walked away more frustrated than when you started. It's so easy to assume the worst about people who disagree. What if there was a better way? If you've ever wanted to reach someone on the other side of the LGBTQ+ conversation but didn't know how, this one's for you.
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Image by Leo Hidalgo (creative commons)
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Students rehearsed Omar Thomas's "A Mother of a Revolution" for months. Then their school board banned it. Joe and Rya unpack the Watertown Wisconsin controversy that's now national news and ask the real question underneath it: can honoring LGBTQ history be considered indoctrination when the music has no words?
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You probably know the words "Where you go, I will go." Maybe you've heard them at a wedding. What most people don't realize is that this famous wedding vow was spoken in the Bible between two women, and the book it comes from is queer in ways most readers miss. Joe and Rya walk through the story of Ruth and Naomi and find one of the most quietly affirming stories in scripture for anyone who has ever built family from love rather than blood. The Bible isn't yelling. But sometimes the most important things aren't said loudly.
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You love your family. But love alone does not protect a relationship from the patterns that tear families apart. Research shows that four specific toxic patterns can predict whether a relationship will survive or fall apart, and most people never see them coming. The good news is that once you can name them you can stop them. Joe and Rya walk through each of these four patterns and share practical ways to interrupt the cycle before it does real damage. Whether the conflict in your family is about politics or religion or identity or just what to have for dinner, you will walk away from this episode knowing exactly what to watch for and what to do instead.
Photo by Albert Oliveira on Unsplash
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What does it actually take to hold a family together across a divide most people would call too wide? After over three years of conversations with parents, children, pastors, priests, scientists, scholars, and LGBTQ+ people from across the spectrum, Joe and Rya keep coming back to the same simple thing that saved their own relationship in its hardest moment. Whether you're a parent whose child just came out, an LGBTQ+ person trying to stay connected to a conservative family, or someone who thinks they don't know anyone this applies to yet, there's one frame here you can use in your own family tonight.
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What if the voice telling you you're not good enough isn't even yours? Professional figure skater, Stef Vachon came out at 18 and thought the hard part was over. But years of bullying had already buried themselves so deep that freedom didn't feel like freedom. He walked away from his greatest passion and spent decades lost in anxiety, carrying shame that was never his to carry. Joe and Rya sit down with the host of the Together Moving Forward podcast to hear how he finally traced that shame back to where it came from and reclaimed everything he thought was gone for good.
And don't miss Joe and Rya telling their story to Stef this week on Together Moving Forward podcast.
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You probably imagine the worst when you think about LGBTQ+ life in a small town. Rya lives in a Midwestern town of 1,300 people where she knows her neighbors knows their dog by name. Most people there just don't care that she's trans. They've got their own lives. But the real trade-offs are loneliness, few local resources, and feeling like the only queer person for miles. Joe and Rya share practical ways allies can make a real difference, from practicing pronouns to speaking up when it counts.
Photo by Land O’Lakes, Inc. on Unsplash.
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"Being gay is unnatural." If you've ever had someone throw that line at you in a conversation about LGBTQ+ people, you know how hard it is to respond in the moment. Do you have the facts to tell them why they are wrong? Dr. Pete Gasper, a veterinary scientist with over 20 years in biomedical research, reviewed the most current research and came back with an answer that leaves no room for doubt. Whether you're defending a loved one at the dinner table or just trying to arm yourself with the truth, this is the episode that gives you the confidence to respond. Once you know what science actually says, that argument loses all of its power.
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Photo by Christian Ziegler, “Bonobo in the wild 21/22,” used with permission/according to the source license from Christian Ziegler’s portfolio.
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In 1863, San Francisco made it a crime to wear clothing "not belonging to your sex," with a fine of up to $500. That and other laws gave police the power to arrest drag queens and anyone who didn't look "right." And while the specific statutes have mostly been struck down, the same logic lives on in bathroom bills and restrictions on legal gender recognition. After 163 years, why does the state still thinks it gets to decide what gender looks like?
Image: Arthur Berloget, "The Secret Confessions of a Parisian: The Countess, 1850-1871"
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If you've ever been told the Bible has no place for people like you, you're not alone. For many who don't fit neatly into male or female categories, scripture has been used as a weapon of exclusion. But what if that's not the whole story? Joe and Rya explore the biblical category of eunuch, people who broke gender rules and became some of scripture's most celebrated heroes. The arc they find moves from "you don't belong" to radical acceptance. You're not an afterthought. You never were.
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There is a stone between you and someone you love. Maybe one of you placed it there out of fear that faith has no room for who the other is becoming. Or maybe the stone was placed by silence, weeks and months where the real conversation never happened and you both learned to live on opposite sides. The good news is that the stone was never meant to stay. Acceptance rarely happens one small rolled-away moment at a time. We look for the day when love walks out of the tomb and the family you were afraid you'd lost turns out to be more alive than ever.
Image: "Les Saintes femmes au tombeau" by Irma Martin, Salon of 1843
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You love your child. You're trying to protect them. But what if the way you are treating the relationship is the very thing driving them away. Most parents who lose their relationship with their LGBTQ child never saw it coming because everything they did felt like good parenting at the time. Joe and Rya unpack the difference between influence and control, and why one builds trust while the other quietly destroys it. If you've ever tightened your grip out of fear and wondered why your kid started pulling back, this one will give you language for what's happening and honest questions to ask yourself before it's too late.
Episode Image: "Releasing Doves" by freegazaorg is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.
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When you think of LGBTQ-friendly places, small towns probably aren't the first thing that comes to mind. But what if the stereotype is wrong? Across America, towns with populations under 6,000 are becoming more and more welcoming. Joe and Rya share surprising stories of small town acceptance that counter the narrative we've been told. In this episode, they bring us positive stories of affirmation where we would least expect them.
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What happens when a state passes a law designed not to protect anyone, but to attack people who already exist? Kansas just showed us. And if you think it stops there, you're not paying attention. If you or someone you love are love are trans, or if you believe that cruelty shouldn't be passed off as policy, this is the one you need to hear. It's worse than you think, and it's not stopping at Kansas.
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You've been meaning to find a therapist. But every time you think about it, the questions pile up: Can I trust them? Can I afford it? How do I know if I've found the right person? It's enough to make you put it off another month. Another year. You deserve someone who won't treat your identity as a problem to solve and won't leave you feeling worse than when you walked in. If you've been stuck in that "I should really do this" loop, this episode gives you a five-point action plan you can finish in five minutes. No more excuses. Finding the right therapist is easy once you have the right tools. This episode breaks down exactly what to do to finally get the ball rolling.
Image by Neil Youngson from Alpha Images
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"God made them male and female." It's one of the first verses people reach for when they want to argue that being transgender goes against God's design. Rya spent two decades not knowing how to reconcile her gender struggles with what the Bible says... until she learned she didn't have to choose between them. In this episode, she and Joe look at what scholars actually say about Genesis 1, not to twist the text, but to read it honestly.
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Maybe you're having a hard time accepting a loved one who came out. Maybe you're the one who came out. Either way, the relationship feels stuck and you're both waiting for the other person to make it better. It's too easy for us to fall into a pattern of silence, thinking we will keep the relationship from getting worse. But here's good news. We don't have to resolve everything to stay connected. We don't even have to agree. Someone just has to go first. Each of us has more power than we think. Joe and Rya share why small gestures matter more than grand reconciliations, and why the next move is yours to make.
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So much of what we've been told about "the gay agenda" is overblown. Most LGBTQ+ people aren't asking for you to change who you are. But here's the hard truth that loving families need to hear: good intentions don't cancel harm caused You can love your child deeply and still be hurting them. Joe and Rya speak directly to parents and family members who say "I love you, but I can't support this." We don't have to change our theology to change our behaviors. We don't have to agree with each other to practice real love.
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“We're just trying to protect the children.” It sounds so reasonable. But throughout history, this same phrase has been used to justify targeting marginalized people. When lawmakers claim to protect kids while ignoring actual trans children, protection starts to sound a lot like rejection. Trans kids are children too. They hear every word adults say about people like them. Real protection starts with listening to our kids and taking them seriously.
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When your child comes out, the fear you feel isn't really fear. It's just uncertainty. Joe knows because he lived it when Rya came out. His struggle for acceptance wasn't instant. He knew their relationship would go through challenges. But what he didn't expect is how they would grow closer through it. In this episode, he shares the tips and tricks he's learned since Rya came out. And he reveals his most important secret that kept their relationship strong.
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In 2001, a book told the story of outcasts who were mocked for their height, their weight, and how they looked. They ran for student council, called themselves the No Name Party, and lost. But they convinced their principal to start something no school had done before. It sparked a movement now in its 21st year. Name-calling seems like a small thing until you see how much damage words can actually do. Joe and Rya share why breaking the cycle might start closer to home than you think.
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Have you ever met someone who fully supports their gay friends but gets uncomfortable when trans issues come up? The same people who celebrate Pride and fight for marriage equality often have a completely different reaction to transgender rights. Joe and Rya break down the psychology behind this contradiction and explore why trans people trigger fears that gay and lesbian people don't. Understanding why transphobia feels different is the first step toward building true solidarity across the entire LGBTQ community.
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Some things about LGBTQ+ life will never change, and that's actually good news. When everything feels uncertain, we need to know what's worth fighting for. How can we separate the noise from what actually matters? The good news is that some things hold steady no matter what happens next. And we have good reasons to anticipate changes for the better. If you're tired of feeling anxious about the future, this episode offers genuine reasons for hope.
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When people carry secret shame about the ways they are different from everyone around them, it affects their entire sense of self. This shame gets passed down through culture that teaches rigid ideas about what's acceptable. There's nothing wrong with being exactly who you are. Joe and Rya talk about why so many people struggle with feeling abnormal. We shouldn't have to dim our authentic personalities just because some people don't connect with us. Being normal simply means being true to yourself.
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What happens when lawmakers create a bathroom law that forces men into women's restrooms and women into men's restrooms? Texas Senate Bill 8 claims to protect women's privacy, but the reality is far more complicated. This law forces schools, libraries, airports, and government buildings to become surveillance systems or face massive fines. The legal framework in Texas now creates the exact scenarios it claims to prevent. Joe and Rya break down why even supporters of the law's intent should be concerned about its consequences.
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A new segment where Joe & Rya discuss a current topic. This week is the new Texas Senate Law 8.
Listen to the FULL EPISODE on Monday
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Have you ever noticed how the word "normal" gets turned into a weapon? People use it to make LGBTQ+ folks feel like something's wrong with them just for being different. They act like statistics prove morality, as if being in the minority makes you broken. But here's the thing. Why should any of us have to be "normal" in the first place? It's time to stop letting that word control who gets to live authentically.
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You've been hurt by the church. Maybe you walked away years ago, or maybe you're still trying to make it work in a place that tells you who you are is wrong. The wounds run deep. Spiritual abuse often comes wrapped in Scripture. Two-thirds of Christians report experiencing spiritual abuse. That means you're not alone in this pain, even when it feels isolating. Is it even possible to trust a religious community when the last one broke you? Mother Julie Hendrix, an Episcopal priest who understands both sides of this story, reveals what she wishes every LGBTQ+ person knew about healing.
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With rights under threat and uncertainty everywhere, choosing thankfulness can feel like denial. But what if gratitude isn't about pretending everything is fine? Learning to find thankfulness is more than just emotional comfort, it's survival strategy. Joe and Rya look at why gratitude matters more than ever when times are hard. They redirect our focus to things the LGBTQ community still has that nobody can take away.
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History shows us that divided movements stay powerless. But the pattern never changes: together we stand, divided we fall. Right now many factors are fracturing the rainbow coalition that built everything from Stonewall to marriage equality. Meanwhile, opponents of LGBTQ+ rights are smirking from the sidelines as they watch our community tear itself apart. In this episode, Joe and Rya discuss how to stop the infighting to build a unified coalition.
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Are you as accepting as you think you are? Most parents believe they're supportive of their LGBTQ family members. But when put to the test, many discover significant gaps between their intentions and their actual level of acceptance. This ten-question assessment reveals where you stand on the acceptance scale and identifies the specific areas where you can strengthen your connection with LGBTQ loved ones. By the end this episode, you will be able to:
- Uncover blind spots you didn't know existed
- Recognize patterns that may be creating distance in your relationships
- Gain clarity on which behaviors truly demonstrate support versus those that only feel supportive to you
- Discover concrete steps to improve your score and build deeper relationships with your LGBTQ loved one
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Are you wondering if it's the right time to share your LGBTQ+ identity with family, friends, or your community? The decision to come out is deeply personal. Timing matters more than you might think. Whether you're feeling pressure to come out or wondering if you should wait, this practical checklist provides the clarity you need to make the decision that's right for your unique situation.
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Why do loving, supportive parents still lose their LGBTQ children? The answer isn't what most families expect. Learn how to recognize the hidden patterns that destroy family relationships before it's too late. Understanding these dynamics will change how you approach every difficult family conversation. These principles are important for all of us, whether you're a parent trying to reconnect with an estranged child or an ally who wants to help others navigate these painful situations. Discover why good intentions can backfire and how to actually rebuild trust after relationships have been broken.
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Do you hear the term "non-binary" and feel confused or overwhelmed? What does it actually mean? How do pronouns work when someone uses both he and they? Eos, who leads a local transgender support group, breaks down the real experience of non-binary identity beyond stereotypes. This conversation covers the practical questions families need answered. "Accepting" isn't the same as "affirming." Small changes in language can make the difference between a child feeling supported or invisible. For those just starting to understand gender diversity, this conversation gives us guidance from someone living the experience.
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Have you ever poured your heart into loving someone only to discover they don't feel loved at all? This happens frequently in LGBTQ+ families where parents think they're being supportive, but their child feels misunderstood or invalidated. When someone you care about shuts down completely, your instinct might be to defend how much you've done for them. Instead, there are four specific strategies that can help draw people out of emotional withdrawal and back into connection. These tools work whether someone has gone silent or they are lashing out. These approaches can help each of us repair damaged relationships and open up real conversations that currently seem impossible.
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The Supreme Court is hearing cases right now that could fundamentally reshape what it means to be LGBTQ in America. States are passing laws that ban medical care for transgender youth, restrict which sports teams kids can join, and , and allow therapists to practice conversion therapy on minors. Former US Attorney Jim Santelle has good news for you. There are specific, practical actions that actually move the needle. Your voice matters more than the headlines suggest.
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Most parents think, "Don't confuse them," "They're too young," "Let them figure it out themselves." These all sound like reasonable approaches. But the research reveals a shocking truth. Families that stay silent about LGBTQ issues actually harm their children. Too many well-meaning parents choose quiet over conversation. What feels like protection is actually the very thing putting kids in danger.
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Tired of feeling powerless while politicians make decisions that affect your life? Your voice carries more weight than you realize. Especially at the local level where real change happens fastest. Most people stop at voting. But the smartest advocates know that ongoing communication with representatives is where the actual influence lies. Local politicians are accessible and responsive. They are desperate to understand their constituents' needs... but only if you show up and speak up. Joe and Rya show us how to turn political frustration into concrete policy wins. Stop waiting for change to happen and start making it happen.
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When your child comes out as LGBTQ+, suddenly you have questions you never expected to face. Did you cause this somehow? Will they ever truly be happy? What if this is just a phase and you're enabling something harmful? These are the 2 AM thoughts that keep us awake at night. Joe and Rya tackle the deepest parental fears head-on. They address the guilt and the secret wishes that maybe this wasn't happening at all. You don't have to have all the answers, just love.
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Conservative activist Charlie Kirk was assassinated today at a college speaking event in Utah. Regardless of where you stand politically, murder is never the answer to disagreement. In this special episode, Joe and Rya give us their personal response to the news.
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Understanding the difference between supportive curiosity and invasive questioning isn't just about avoiding awkwardness. Many of us want to ask questions about LGBTQ experiences. We care deeply and want to show genuine interest, but the fear of saying something wrong keeps us from asking authentic questions. The truth is, some questions that feel perfectly reasonable in our minds can actually hurt the people we're trying to support. Even worse, we might be asking those questions right now without realizing it. This episode gives three rules for knowing which questions are okay and which are not.
Photo by Andy Rennie
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It's our third year anniversary of Trandescendant Podcast! And boy, do we have a shocking episode for you. We decided to expand our podcast from two to three generations. And this might surprise you, but Rya has a transgender son. This is his story. You might expect that having a transgender parent would make the journey easier for a transgender child, but the reality is far more complex. Each person's path to authenticity looks different, even within the same family. Kelly shares how college transformed his confidence and allowed him to step fully into his identity, while Rya reflects on her own very different transition experience. Joe offers the rare perspective of a grandfather who has supported two family members through transition, revealing insights that only come from walking this path multiple times.
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Have you ever tried to have an important conversation with a family member only to watch it explode into an argument you never wanted? Most people think there are only two choices when something needs to be addressed: stay silent and let resentment build, or speak up and risk a fight. But there's another option. Joe and Rya break down a simple five-step method that transforms even the most sensitive topics into productive conversations. Whether you're advocating for an LGBTQ family member or addressing your own needs, this approach turns potential conflicts into opportunities for deeper understanding and stronger relationships.
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What happens when the conversations that matter most feel impossible to have? Too many families avoid difficult talks until relationships reach a breaking point. They think they're protecting each other when they're actually making everything worse. Most family conflicts aren't caused by different beliefs. What matters is how we approach our loved ones. When you practice these two simple conversation techniques, even the hardest topics become manageable. This episode gives us proven tools that work when relationships feel like they're hanging by a thread.
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Have you ever noticed how some of the most hurtful rejections come wrapped in language that sounds accepting? Coded phrases hide judgment behind politeness, creating what feels like acceptance but actually delivers conditional love with strings attached. From military culture to church communities, conditional acceptance creates exhausting energy costs for LGBTQ+ people who must constantly manage which parts of themselves are acceptable. Love that comes with disclaimers and conditions isn't really love at all.
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The global landscape of LGBTQ+ rights reveals dramatic contrasts that might surprise you. While places like Iceland, Canada, and the Netherlands boast acceptance rates above 90%, over 30 countries in sub-Saharan Africa still criminalize LGBTQ+ identities entirely. Yet beneath these stark differences lies a hopeful truth: younger generations worldwide are driving unprecedented change. From Taiwan becoming Asia's first country to legalize same-sex marriage to underground activist networks fighting back in the Middle East, progress is happening in unexpected places. The generation that grew up with the internet has created a global culture of acceptance that transcends borders, and the statistics prove it. For the first time in history, a majority of people globally say their area is a good place for gay and lesbian people to live.
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Is it better to stop hiding who you are, or are there times when staying private is the better choice? This question divides even the most supportive allies and LGBTQ+ advocates. From teenagers navigating hostile family situations to adults managing workplace dynamics, every coming out decision is complicated. The debate is even more layered when considering the differences in coming out between gay and transgender people. How can allies be most supportive? Advocates of both perspectives offer compelling arguments that deserve serious consideration before we make a decision as a community.
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Real people are losing access to healthcare, having their gender markers erased, and watching their rights disappear with each new executive order and state law. While some allies post supportive messages online, many don't grasp the depth of fear gripping the LGBTQ+ community right now. Joe and Rya examine the harsh realities while also spotlighting victories around the world. When hate rises, so must we. That means moving from comfortable concern to uncomfortable action. This episode give concrete steps each of us can take to make a real difference.
Photo credit: Alex Radelish
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Thousands of Christian parents feel trapped between two impossible choices: fully supporting their LGBTQ+ child or staying faithful to their religious beliefs. This devastating dilemma tears families apart and leaves both parents and children feeling abandoned. Do we have to choose between them, or is it possible to have both?
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We know that many LGBTQ+ critics are tired of being painted as hateful bigots when their heart is in the right place. We understand your position because we believed exactly what you believe now, and we can explain why we changed our minds without calling you names or questioning your faith. This isn't another lecture about tolerance—it's a conversation from people who get where you're coming from and want to show you what we discovered when we stopped being afraid of the truth. The conversation that follows isn't about winning an argument—it's about recognizing our shared humanity before it's too late.
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What if the real story about LGBTQ+ futures isn't what's dominating your social media timeline? While headlines focus on legislative battles and political backlash, the actual data reveals a dramatically different trajectory for 2026 and beyond. The geographic divide between high-equality and low-equality states is widening, creating both challenges and opportunities that most coverage misses entirely. Joe and Rya cut through the noise with hard statistics from Gallup, GLAAD, and the Williams Institute to reveal what's actually happening on the ground and what LGBTQ+ people and their allies can realistically expect in the year ahead.
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Have you ever noticed how shame quietly shapes your life even though it doesn't actually belong to you? Shame isn't something we're born with—it's learned through societal messages, family dynamics, and religious teachings that told us we should feel inadequate for who we are. Your identity is a gift rather than a burden, and there is absolutely nothing shameful about being your true self.
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Have you ever thought someone had your back, only to find them missing when you actually needed support? The difference between someone who says they're an ally and someone who truly shows up can be the difference between feeling safe and feeling betrayed. Many people in the LGBTQ+ community would rather deal with outright hostility than fake support because at least with hostility, you know to keep your guard up. Learning to distinguish between them isn't just helpful, it's essential.
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Rya marks her 10-year transition anniversary by sharing the hard-won wisdom that only comes from a decade of living authentically. These surprising discoveries reveal how to navigate the unexpected emotional challenges that no one prepares you for. How do you maintain loving relationships when everything changes? How do you find peace when letting go becomes necessary? If you're considering major life changes, supporting someone who is, or simply seeking the courage to live more authentically, these lessons prove that transformation can lead to a freedom you never imagined possible.
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Does visibility truly matter when your community feels isolated? Pride Month isn't just parades in big cities—it's survival in small towns, cautious celebration in suburbs, and bold expression in urban centers. Participating in Pride activities creates ripples of change that extend far beyond June, whether by raising a flag in a town of 1,000 or showing solidarity amid opposition. Those simple acts of visibility become lifelines for others who feel alone, transforming communities one symbol at a time. Even a single rainbow sticker can break through isolation, reminding everyone that support exists in unexpected places.
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Have you ever felt like no one else understands what you're going through? Support groups offer more than just friendly faces—they provide crucial knowledge sharing, emotional validation, and the relief of not having to explain your experiences. Finding your people doesn't have to be overwhelming. Even if you're convinced there's no support community anywhere near you, discover five proven strategies to find or create meaningful connections that will change your life—starting with a simple search you can complete before this podcast ends.
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Have you ever feared that accepting your LGBTQ+ loved one might compromise your deeply-held values or beliefs? Many parents, relatives, and friends struggle with this exact tension, feeling forced to choose between their principles and their relationships. The truth is, you don't have to sacrifice either. Understanding the authentic, lifelong nature of LGBTQ+ identity opens a path where respect and love can flourish without requiring you to abandon your convictions.
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Mental health professional Michael Larkey joins Joe and Rya to discuss the hidden culprit behind our nagging self-criticism. Why do we feel like we're never good enough? Why do we struggle with accepting ourselves or the ones we love? Especially for those in the LGBTQ+ community, the stakes can be life-threatening. This simple but powerful approach will finally free you from the torment in your mind.
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How do we respond when politics becomes personal? Representative Sarah McBride made history as the first openly transgender person elected to the United States Congress. She recently gave an insightful interview with The Atlantic where she shared her thoughtful approach to navigating hostility while maintaining focus on her constituents and mission. Joe and Rya unpack her powerful message of resilience and strategic optimism - wisdom that offers guidance for anyone facing opposition while trying to create positive change in today's divisive political climate.
Listen to the full interview here.
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Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all. Knowing when to use silence can completely transform difficult family conversations. While silence can feel uncomfortable at first—even like surrender—it actually demonstrates remarkable strength. If you're working to keep important relationship connections despite challenging differences, the use of silence might be the relationship-saving skill you've been searching for all along.
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When a child comes out as LGBTQ+, parental instincts shift into "fixing" mode. We approach with good intentions, believing we know what's best. Moving from fear to freedom means releasing our vision for our children and embracing their truth. When we let go of being right and lean into being kind, both parent and child find unexpected freedom. The relationship doesn't just survive — it emerges stronger than before.
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Have you ever wondered who's truly in charge of your happiness? The real power to transform your life isn't held by external circumstances but lies within you, waiting to be reclaimed. It's time to reject conventional wisdom about where fulfillment comes from. Too many people never discover the surprising truth that our inner world determines our experience far more than our outer reality. Drawing from their unique perspectives within the LGBTQ+ community, Joe and Rya share wisdom on how to break free from invisible constraints that quietly steal your joy without permission. This episode might just change how you approach every challenge and relationship in your life.
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What makes a parent respond with love when their child comes out? When Rya transitioned, Joe's immediate thought wasn't about changing her—it was about preserving their relationship. His values created the foundation for unconditional acceptance. Joe shares how his faith deepened his commitment to love rather than judgment. Their strong bond didn't just survive transition—it grew stronger, offering a blueprint for parents seeking to truly support their children through life's unexpected journeys.
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Have you ever felt cornered in a conversation about LGBTQ+ issues? Too often, we find ourselves on the defensive, scrambling to respond to accusations and misconceptions. But what if you could flip the script with just four simple words? Joe and Rya reveal a powerful conversational technique that isn't about winning arguments; it's about creating space for genuine dialogue and understanding. Take control of difficult conversations without sacrificing relationships. Whether you're dealing with skeptical family members, uncomfortable jokes, or challenging questions, the most effective responses aren't always the ones we think of first.
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What if we could create spaces that feel so welcoming, it would get someone to drive four hours just to experience it? Martha Juillerat shares how one simple yet profound act can transform environments from merely tolerant to soul-affirming. Imagine creating a place where LGBTQ+ individuals finally feel seen, embraced, and able to breathe freely. Small gestures create those "I can be myself here" moments that change lives and foster genuine belonging. Discover the surprisingly accessible way to signal "you're home" that leaves such a powerful impact, people will tell you it changed everything.
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LGBTQ+ individuals in conservative religious environments often face a harrowing struggle to discern between spiritual abuse and genuine care. Recognizing the signs of toxic faith communities—such as demands for blind loyalty, prioritizing rules over people, and equating dissent with disobedience—can be life-changing for those trapped in cycles of shame and fear. Understanding how to find our "true north" amidst conflicting messages is crucial for all of us who may be questioning our place in a spiritually abusive situation. By learning to prioritize love as a core value and seek communities that welcome critical thinking, we can embark on a transformative journey towards self-acceptance and authentic faith.
Reference:
Lytle, Megan C., et al. (2018), "Association of Religiosity With Sexual Minority Suicide Ideation and Attempt." American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 54(5), 644-651. https://www.ajpmonline.org/article/S0749-3797(18)30050-3/abstract?uuid=uuid%3Aab318321-cbaf-4f50-9b7e-a73e75a8b959
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Our political climate has made it feel impossible to keep relationships with people who see the world differently than we do. But what if building bridges was easier than we think? Political differences often mask shared values underneath. But a simple refocus on our shared underlying values can transform even the most challenging conversations. Whether you're navigating difficult family dynamics or seeking to understand perspectives different from your own, you'll discover practical approaches for moving beyond divisive rhetoric toward meaningful connection.
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Transgender advocates seem to say outlandish things sometimes that seem so far outside of the realm of common sense. Do they really believe a man can become a woman? What is happening to our culture? Has woke ideology make half the population lose their minds? There must be a way for people of good faith to find our way through the conflict. In this episode, Rya presents her definition of woman to her father Joe. Together they discuss how people of common sense on both sides of the culture war can find common ground. Whether we are transgender skeptics or allies, true understanding begins when we learn to listen with both our minds and hearts.
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What does it mean to be there for someone you love when you don't agree with their decision? When a child or loved one comes out as LGBTQ, it is natural to experience struggles and questions. Love doesn't mean instant agreement or abandoning your beliefs. Joe and Rya offer advice for parents seeking to preserve relationships while navigating unfamiliar territory. If you’ve ever wondered how to balance your values with your love for your child, this episode is for you.
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Internalized homophobia can feel like carrying around a weight that no one else can see. But what if you could learn to set that weight down? From grounding yourself in scientific research to mastering the "lockout" technique, Joe and Rya outline seven practical ways to cultivate your own self-acceptance. The path to authenticity opens up when we give ourselves permission to grow at our own pace.
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What if we could worry less and live more fully? Joe and Rya explore practical strategies that help us break free from the grip of excessive worry. Most of our worries never materialize. What if we could channel that energy into activities that truly enhance our peace of mind? Create a more balanced life by mindfully choosing what to consume - from news to social media. Discover a more peaceful, positive way to live.
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Rejection is one of the most universal yet misunderstood experiences, capable of leaving deep emotional scars that shape how we see ourselves and others. Whether you’re struggling to heal from a recent rejection or simply want to better understand this common human experience, this episode can help you turn pain into resilience. Joe and Rya discuss the four treatments for rejection offered by author Guy Winch to rebuild self-worth, strengthen connections, and move forward with confidence. Transform rejection from a source of hurt into a chance to bounce back.
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For LGBTQ+ individuals and their families, the journey toward healing can feel overwhelming. Is it possible to restore connection and understanding after feeling betrayed and hurt by a loved one? This episode explores important principles of healing and reconciliation. Through them, families can move from estrangement to deeper bonds. Whether you're seeking to repair a fractured relationship or understand the healing process, empathy and connection can begin the process to rebuild trust.
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In 1996, New Testament scholar Richard B. Hays wrote the definitive text on New Testament Ethics for the Evangelical Christian church. In the chapter on homosexuality, he wrote, "same-sex relationships are a tragic distortion of God's created order." Now, twenty-eight years later, he confessed that he got it wrong. And it's sending shockwaves through the church. This is his story.
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What if the secret to happiness isn’t about finding it but clearing the path for it to flourish? It's time for a fresh perspective on the pursuit of happiness. Uncover the seven terrible habits and mindsets that hold us back. Let's shift the focus from chasing an ideal to creating space for authentic contentment. This episode provides inspiring insights that point the way toward a more fulfilling life. True happiness happens one small change at a time.
Original article: https://personalbrandingblog.com/if-you-want-to-be-genuinely-happy-without-being-rich-say-goodbye-to-these-behaviors/
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What if your business could be a force for inclusivity, equality, and economic growth—all at the same time? Whether you’re a business owner, an ally, or simply curious about how diversity drives success, you'll want to learn about the inspiring work of the LGBT Chamber of Commerce. From combating discriminatory legislation to fostering partnerships between small businesses and major corporations, the Chamber proves that advocacy and economic opportunity go hand in hand. This conversation with the Chamber's founder Jason Rae reveals how collaboration and diversity can transform communities in ways you never imagined.
National LGBT Chamber: https://nglcc.org/
Wisconsin LGBT Chamber: https://wislgbtchamber.com/
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What does it take to make workplaces truly inclusive for LGBTQ+ employees? Drawing on personal stories and practical advice, this conversation explores how you can foster authenticity and respect at work. With just a little thought about how to build inclusive spaces where everyone feels valued, each of us can find ways we can ensure our workplaces are not just diverse but genuinely affirming.
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What can parents do to create a home where LGBTQ+ children feel truly safe and affirmed? Joe and Rya explore the transformative power of unconditional love and acceptance, revealing how even small acts of rejection can leave lasting scars. By prioritizing communication, affirmation, and inclusivity, we can ensure that our loved ones feel valued and free to express their authentic selves. Joe and Rya share actionable strategies for creating a home rooted in understanding and love.
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The LGBTQ+ experience is often shaped by discrimination, microaggressions, and minority stress. Joe and Rya examine how these challenges intersect with body image concerns and the personal struggles of LGBTQ people. Navigating a world that frequently misunderstands or marginalizes queer identities requires a healthy dose of resilience. This episode gives tips for finding that resilience.
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Struggles with identity and acceptance can weigh heavily on both LGBTQ individuals and allies. Questions of identity can create difficult emotional challenges, from internalized homophobia and transphobia to the anxiety of coming out. External struggles like family rejection and social isolation can also cause difficulties. So how can we overcome those negative emotions? Joe and Rya offer practical advice to build self-love, a supportive network, and strength in connection.
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How can we help the “Scrooges” in our lives become more inclusive of the LGBTQ+ community? We can use A Christmas Carol as a framework to explore practical, research-backed strategies for changing hearts and minds. Each of Scrooge's encounters suggest concrete steps for fostering empathy by sharing personal stories and guiding people toward a more inclusive future. Whether you're confronting ignorance or encouraging reflection, this episode provides essential tools for allies to help bridge the gap between resistance and acceptance.
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So much of what we learn about others comes from the media we consume. Listen in on Joe and Rya's conversation about how allies can educate themselves on LGBTQ experiences by engaging with film and television. They share some of their favorite queer movies and reflect on the power of media to foster empathy and understanding. The discussion offers accessible recommendations for those looking to broaden their perspective, while also exploring the emotional impact of LGBTQ narratives. It’s a warm and personal look at how media can shape both awareness and connection.
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What can we learn from the pivotal moments in LGBTQ history in the U.S.? This episode explores key events that have shaped the fight for equality and civil rights within the U.S. government. From the Lavender Scare to the Stonewall Riots, and through landmark legal cases like Obergefell v. Hodges, they reflect on the challenges and triumphs of the LGBTQ movement. This episode highlights the importance of understanding the past to protect the progress made. We must always remember that the struggle for equality is ongoing and deeply relevant today.
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From 1981 to 1999. she lived in constant fear of being outed, knowing that discovery could end her career in an instant. In honor of Veteran's Day, Monica Skarban returns to the podcast to share her personal story of serving in the U.S. Air Force as a closeted gay woman. She watched firsthand as friends were dishonorably discharged after being exposed. Despite serving with dedication as a nurse across the globe, from Germany to Saudi Arabia during the Gulf War, she was forced to hide her true identity. Monica recounts the pain of living under "Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell" and how the threat of being found out hung over every relationship. Monica’s story is a powerful reminder of the sacrifices so many were forced to make in silence.
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For those struggling with the recent election results, this episode offers a bit of encouragement. Joe and Rya share their thoughts on the outcome and present a perspective you probably haven't heard.
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The mid-twentieth century was a defining moment in LGBTQ history, marking the beginning of a long and difficult fight for equality. Joe and Rya retell the stories of Frank Kameny and Jamie Shoemaker, two key figures whose lives were forever changed by the persecution of LGBTQ individuals. Kameny’s activism helped ignite the struggle for LGBTQ rights. Once the fight for progress began, there was no going back. Through courage and resilience, the LGBTQ community finally refused to be silenced.
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Imagine if computer AI could help you discover your true identity—perhaps even before you understood yourself. From personalized health care for trans individuals, to tools that aid in gender exploration, "Artificial Intelligence" is transforming the LGBTQ+ community. We live in a time of exciting possibilities for progress. But is there also a dark side?
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In this episode, Rya and Joe have a heartfelt discussion about how AI is transforming society, with a focus on its potential impact on the LGBTQ community. They explore how AI functions, its growing role in various fields like healthcare and creative work, and the ethical concerns surrounding data usage and misinformation. The conversation touches on the differences between AI and human intelligence, highlighting both the benefits and challenges of integrating AI into our daily lives. Ultimately, they reflect on the future of AI, questioning its influence on culture and the broader implications for society.
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In the second half of their interview with John Paulk, Joe and Rya continue to explore the complexities of his journey out of the ex-gay movement. Rya shares her experience attending a Love Won Out conference as a closeted trans woman in the '90s, while John opens up about the "dirty little secret" within the ex-gay community—that no one actually changes. They discuss the evolving attitudes within the church, with even his son's Campus Crusade group accepting LGBTQ individuals. John reflects on whether being born gay matters, concluding that God’s love is all that counts. He also addresses how the family dynamics have changed between him and his two sons as well as him and his ex-wife.
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Our good friend of the podcast, John Paulk, returns in this important episode. John is a former leader of the ex-gay movement who has since renounced conversion therapy and embraced his true identity. He gives a first-hand account of why conversion therapy is so hurtful. He discusses the lack of evidence supporting the idea that anyone can truly change their sexual orientation and the deep personal toll it takes on those involved. He shares his experience of publicly claiming he was no longer attracted to men while privately knowing it was a lie, as well as his evolving connection to James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family, after coming out. Despite his past, John remains a person of faith and emphasizes that God's love extends to everyone, including those in the LGBTQ community.
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Many well-meaning allies unknowingly cause harm by not recognizing their own ignorance. Joe and Rya explore how even the most supportive allies can miss the signals that they are pushing their loved one away and don't know it. Good intentions are not enough. What does it take to educate yourself? Using sales analogies from their shared business experiences, Joe and Rya provide insights on how allies can avoid these common mistakes and become truly supportive.
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Joe and Rya take a deep-dive into the ways LGBTQ people can learn to accept themselves through play. They discuss Rya's childhood love for Dungeons & Dragons, a game which is celebrating its 50th anniversary in 2024. They explore how role-playing games and other childhood hobbies offer queer individuals a safe space for self-discovery and expression. The role of the Role can be a gamechanger in your own path towards understanding your true self.
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Is mental health therapy really worth the investment, especially when navigating complex LGBTQ experiences? In this episode, Joe and Rya consider common skepticism about therapy's value, addressing concerns over cost and effectiveness. Through personal reflections on seeking therapy before coming out, Rya illustrates how professional guidance can offer invaluable tools for communication and fresh perspectives. The discussion also touches on navigating insurance and making therapy more accessible, providing a comprehensive view of its role in fostering healthy family dynamics.
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What happens when our opponents' political rhetoric spirals out of control? Joe and Rya explore how the intense divisiveness in politics feeds the growing conflict surrounding LGBTQ+ issues. The way we frame our own stories can mask the true values that would bring us together.
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Father Greg Greiten knew from an early age that he had a secret. In this episode, he shares the deep mental anguish he experienced trying to keep his identity hidden, including moments when he considered ending it all. In this episode, Father Greg tells Joe and Rya how he finally came out as gay to his parishes, and what happened in the aftermath. Despite the risks, his story is one of faith, courage, and the power of acceptance. He challenges each of us to be more loving and accepting of others without fear.
CW: Discussion of suicide
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A listener shares how she has been grappling with fear that her son might be gay. Joe and Rya offer thoughts on how to maintain a strong relationship without compromising her beliefs. The discussion centers on how to reconcile personal values with the love and connection she has for her son. Joe shares some ways he coped when Rya came out, and Rya gives practical tips on preparing to have a coming out conversation. Together, they provide insights that aim to foster understanding and compassion.
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In this episode, Joe and Rya discuss the complexities of fighting injustice, exploring when standing up for what’s right can go too far. They examine how political divisiveness and social media can lead to the dehumanization of others, even in the name of a good cause. The conversation also touches on the importance of preserving dignity in all relationships, including those within the LGBTQ community. With honest feedback, they challenge each other and us to rethink how we approach morality and justice in an increasingly polarized world.
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In this episode, Will shares his experiences of being asexual and aromantic, providing insights into his journey and what it means to navigate the world with these identities. The conversation delves into his worries about coming out at work and how his message would be received. Additionally, the discussion turns to the importance of being a better ally and challenges listeners to question their own assumptions about sexuality and gender. Will’s story highlights the diversity within the LGBTQ+ community and underscores the need for greater understanding and acceptance.
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Did you know that there is dramatic segmentation between different parts of the LGBTQ+ community? We often group people together when we don't understand them. But no one is a stereotype. Each person is an individual, and each is on a continuum. Joe and Rya explore the variety of ways people might find themselves as a part of the LGBTQ+ community. The combination of gender identity and orientation are as unique as personality. No two people are alike.
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In this moving interview with Monica Skarban, she shares how her Catholic Church embraced her with full acceptance after the death of her wife. She discusses the rejection she experienced in some churches and the joy of discovering a parish that fully embraced them. Monica’s story highlights that there are affirming churches for everyone, and no one should let others dictate their self-worth. Together with Joe and Rya, they explore how faith, love, and inclusivity can make a difference in anyone's life.
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This episode delves into the origins and complexities of prejudice against LGBTQ+ individuals, specifically focusing on attitudes towards homosexuality. Homophobia extends beyond mere dislike or fear; it encompasses deep-seated societal norms, cultural biases, and often religious teachings that contribute to discrimination and exclusion. This episode explores the historical, psychological, and sociological roots of homophobia, shedding light on how these prejudices manifest in different contexts. Joe and Rya aim to uncover the underlying factors driving homophobia and advocate for greater awareness and empathy to foster a more inclusive and accepting world.
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Have you ever tried to convince someone they are believing a lie? If you say something enough times with no proof at all, people start to believe it. A lot of what homophobes have been saying for decades just isn't true. But you can't convince them otherwise. So what can you do? Speak up. Dismantling lies happens the same way they are constructed in the first place, one statement at a time. Joe and Rya look at a few of these misconception from a compassionate perspective. Although statistics show that acceptance for LGBTQ+ people is growing, there still are a lot of skeptics.
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Every love story is different. Ameera and Julia didn't plan to have a relationship. It just happened, and suddenly they realized they were together. Despite objections from conservative Muslims peers, they affirmed their gender, retained their faith, and pursued their love. After three years of marriage, their love for one another shines even brighter. Their story will inspire and encourage you.
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Rya had an emotional session with her therapist this afternoon. In this episode, Joe and Rya discuss what happened and why she felt so vulnerable. Joe asks about the value of seeing a therapist. We all know mental health is important, and we need to learn to accept the help that is available for us when we need it. Discover how to live life to its fullest by eliminating harmful thought patterns that keep you from moving forward. Your situation will be different, but the process is similar.
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As we near the end of Pride month, we want to keep looking for ways to strengthen our commitment to our LGBTQ loved ones. This episode gives a checklist for maximizing the good and minimizing the harmful in our relationships. Let's show those who closest to us that we are ALL IN.
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Being an ally means more than just being accepting our gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, or other sexual- or gender-non-conforming loved one. We want to become fully affirming. How do we learn to stand proud of our LGBTQ+ friends and family? The way to grow is to keep learning. The more we know, the more we become true advocates and supporters. In this episode, Joe and Rya present your motivational guide to being ALL IN.
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You've heard from the Dad. You've heard from the Daughter. But you've never heard from the Mom... until now. In this episode, she shares her earliest struggles to accept the news that her adult child came out as transgender. At first the shock was overwhelming. But she found a deep well of strength to bring her through. If you or someone you know is struggling after someone close has come out, you will find comfort and wisdom in her words.
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For over a decade, John Paulk was the most visible spokesperson for conversion therapy. He gave his testimony on Oprah, 60 Minutes, and everywhere he could about how God had changed him from gay to straight. But inside, it was just fake-it-till-you-make-it. What happens when you finally admit to yourself that your entire ministry has been nothing but smoke and mirrors?
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We need to tell people that myths are just that. When we do not challenge ideas that have already been debunked, we allow falsehoods to perpetuate . Don't buy into the misinformation. This episode gives a taste of some of the misleading views about gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people. Be a voice of positivity in the world.
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Maggie Williams joins us for a one-year update about her transition. A year ago, we explored the similarities and differences with Rya's transition. But this past year has brought some important milestones on her journey. You won't want to miss her unexpected story.
Check out Maggie's transgender art installation project at thetransperience.com
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When we hear transgender stories, we often encounter tragic elements and tales of difficult experiences. We frequently learn how gender dysphoria drives trans people to give up everything. But what about uplifting trans experiences? What happens when the popular kid comes out? In this episode, Elliott shares his inspiring story about how positive his life has been after he found his most authentic self.
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Joe has mentioned on this podcast in the past how he had a drinking problem. We wanted to explore the ways alcohol affected his life, and what brought him to the decision never to have another drink. Whether you have a healthy relationship with alcohol or you struggle with abusing alcohol or other drugs, you will benefit from hearing his story.
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We like to think we know what we're talking about. But the people who disagree with us think they are just as correct we think we are. How do we know who is right? When it comes to preserving relationships, sometimes it is more important to accept when we are wrong than it is to recognize when they are. Joe and Rya share ways to discover our own biases. We all have work to do on this one.
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Everyone is different. Everyone is a minority, and minorities are good. Let's end the stigma against LGBTQ people being weird or odd. Committed allies understand that the majority is comprised of a combination of minorities. We are all queer in some form. The happiest people embrace our authentic differences and celebrate one another for who we are.
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A year ago, we shared an update about the podcast and where things were headed. Now, one year later, the TranDescendant community has grown exponentially. Joe and Rya paint their vision for where the podcast is headed for the coming year. Plus, a CRITICAL ANNOUNCEMENT you won't want to miss!
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One of our most powerful episodes yet! In our March 11 podcast, we went through the verses that anti-LGBTQ people use to say that it is wrong to be gay. We provided an approach that allows you to affirm LGBTQ people while still following the Bible. In this episode, we take the argument a step further, demonstrating why it is absolutely wrong to condemn LGBTQ people for being their most authentic selves. IF YOU ONLY LISTEN TO ONE PODCAST THIS MONTH, MAKE SURE IT IS THIS ONE.
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Did you know that Rya is not the only transgender person in the family? Shortly after her transition, another younger member of the family also transitioned. Heather shares the heart wrenching story of how she was rejected by her mother before winning the battle for acceptance. She offers advice on how she ultimately found peace with her own gender identity, and how you can too.
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Society does not have any written rules for how men or women behave. The social aspect of gender is simply "how things are done." But what happens when someone is sending the "wrong" signals? Rya describes her journey as a transgender woman learning to navigate a new set of social rules. From there, Joe and Rya discuss how gender functions in general, and how those subtleties impact people who do not naturally conform with the rules.
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This episode starts by examining honestly the main reasons why some believers feel they must reject gay relationships to follow the Bible. It's not a lack of sincerity. But interpretation is a value judgment. The surface reading of the text is not necessarily the best reading. The Bible is a collection of statements from many viewpoints. Each statement does not carry the same weight. Rya and Joe make the case that it is impossible to follow the text exactly without negotiating parts of it to make it relevant for today.
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If you're in that place of searching right now, this episode will help you along your way. Rya shares her journey of how she continually weighed the positives and negatives and how agonizing the decision was for her. When enough of the answers converge, there comes a point when you can finally accept who you are inside. Everyone's story is different.
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Are you using the wrong words without knowing it? Despite all the best intentions, if we use the wrong vocabulary in talking about LGBTQ issues, we can unintentionally alienate ourselves from the very people we were trying to support. Allies can become a closer part of the group simply by using the language of the community. Once you decide to become a real ally, you naturally start to talk like an ally talks.
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Joe tells his journey towards becoming totally accepting towards Rya after she transitioned. How did he feel after the son he thought he had now was presenting as his daughter? They tell the story of the difficulties the family had in coming to a place of acceptance. They look at ways their story can help others when a loved one comes out as gay or transgender.
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What does it mean to "act gay?" We often find ourselves embodying stereotypes. But those stereotypes do not define us. They are often the byproduct of living authentically. It's easy for outsiders to focus only on the mannerisms and never see the real person. The truth about being LGBTQ is that we have the same hopes and dreams as anyone else. Matthew returns to discuss from the heart how he feels about being out as a gay man in a small community.
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Joe's granddaughter Maya returns to discuss how younger generations are slowly beginning to view orientation and gender as a non-issue. Topics include changes to expectations and gender norms among teenagers and early twenty-somethings. Next, the conversation shifts to younger students, exploring the ways Junior High children are approaching LGBTQ+ issues differently now than even five years ago. The final topic includes suggestions for how students can promote positive interactions with unsupportive parents.
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We like to believe that love and commitment are enough to make a marriage work. But what happens when one partner comes out as LGBTQ+? Is divorce ever the right option? Rya speaks from the heart about her difficult journey coming out to her wife as a transgender woman, and her wife's own struggle at suddenly facing a spouse who could no longer be the man she married. They began with open and honest talk about feelings, no more secrets. Though they both tried desperately to find a way to make it work, Rya shares why they concluded that divorce was the only viable alternative. The podcast ends with advice to both sides when you're going through a similar struggle in your marriage.
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This episode is everything you've always wondered about "the surgery" but were afraid to ask. Or maybe you weren't afraid to ask, and some poor trans person had to remind you that we don't talk about those things in polite society. Either way, this episode has all your answers. We discuss the various types of surgeries on offer, the history of surgeries, and Rya's own personal history. Joe and Rya speak frankly about a sensitive subject while keeping it light-hearted with a few laughs.
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Recent debacles involving the school board in Bucks county, Pennsylvania prompted Joe and Rya to have a discussion about how we should approach cultural conflict. When we make a negative display of ourselves, those on the other side can paint us as villains. We end up working against our own society. When others begin to see us as a threat, we lose our own voice and subvert the message we were hoping to promote. If we want to make positive change, we must start by finding common ground.
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Do you believe in love at first sight? Roy and Matthew do. The first time they met, they knew they belonged together. But for each of them, telling friends and family about a new partner also meant coming out as gay. To their surprise, they never anticipated the sense of freedom that would come with being their most authentic selves. Start the year with a feelgood story that will inspire you to live your own best life.
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We often contemplate resolutions we can make to improve our lives. Coming off of last week's episode about cultivating self-esteem, Joe and Rya provide seven actionable habits you can implement into your life right now to help you live a more positively. Here are seven actions to strengthen your self-image. It's your privilege and your responsibility. Nobody can build you up better than you.
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We all have experiences in our lives that tax our self-esteem. It's too easy to let other people's opinions of us make us feel ashamed. We can allow those negative emotions to bring us down...or we can take intentional steps to counteract them and to cultivate positivity.
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As a society, we must always watch out for the marginalized among us. LGBTQ+ elders are among the most vulnerable. Yet most of us have never stopped to consider the unique challenges of aging LGBTQ+ seniors. How can we act with compassion and love towards those who have gone before us?
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There are a lot of ways that people communicate that they are considering suicide. What you may think is only a mood swing may in fact be an indication of something much deeper. Signals could be anything from verbal comments to changes in routine. Our LGBTQ+ loved ones are most at risk. Do you know what to watch for? Are you ready to interpret the signals when they need you most? Educate yourself on how to react and what positive steps you can take.
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Have you considered forming a support group for LGBTQ+ people and allies? Joe and Rya approached a national organization, PFLAG, about starting a local chapter in their community. The discussion centers on what makes people come, what entices them stay, and what keeps it welcoming.
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November 20 is the Transgender Day of Remembrance. There is still so much violence against transgender people because of transphobia and misunderstanding. Joe and Rya offer suggestion for how each of us can make a difference.
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You wanted a nice, happy time together with your family. But Uncle George just can't let things be! And Casey is manufacturing new things to be offended by. With the holidays coming up, we want to minimize potential arguments between people who don't always see eye-to-eye. It's not easy, but there are ways to create an environment that fosters love. Rya and Joe explore ideas from two different perspectives for creating memories we can cherish for years.
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Some people don't want an actual dialogue about LGBTQ people, they just want a debate. How do you avoid that trap? Anyone who has had their gay or lesbian loved ones' identities dismissed will find a wealth of insight about how to respond. Some people expect answers but are not asking in good faith. And some questions are not appropriate to ask. Let's find ways to support our loved ones in being exactly who they were meant to be.
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In a recent written exchange, a man approached Rya with concerns about his long-term, committed marriage. He and his wife have children and grandchildren. But he is secretly attracted to other men. He doesn't want to tell his wife because he believes it could only end poorly. Will such a conversation really result in disaster? Joe and Rya discuss the situation from a broader perspective and consider the outcome from a variety of viewpoints. Is there a way to find hope in what feels like a hopeless situation?
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How do you find your own identity? There are more options than you think. Are you queer? Are you questioning? Or something else? Maybe none of the words really define you. Take the first step toward figuring out how to be the real you.
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Churches are like giant families. Just like families, they can sometimes become abusive. When someone is trapped in a toxic system, the have to leave in order for healing to begin. Some church leaders subvert that process by trying to push those who have been wounded to come back to the church by saying, "Well we're not like the church you used to be in." But for many people in the LGBTQ+ community, the damage is too deep. Mother Julie Hendrix shares the message that it is okay to leave in order to heal. If you're not ready to come back, and even if you never come back, that's also okay.
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It's great to be an ally, but when you're ready to take the next step, how do you go about it? Often, when we try to be most helpful, we end up making things more awkward. Learn how to communicate true sincerity, not just with words, but also with actions. This episode gives tips to point you in the right direction.
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Really?
Who gets to choose what's best for someone? Who makes the rules? Parents often say, "I only want what's best for you," with the hope that their children will understand their good intentions. But is it really honest care and concern? Is it unsolicited advice? Or is it nothing more than manipulation?
Joe and Rya discuss how to tell the difference between genuine love and false concern that masks ulterior motives. When it comes to relationships with family and friends, we can all do better.
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MUST LISTEN EPISODE. Are you having a difficult time mending a broken relationship? Developing and repairing relationships can feel overwhelming when disagreements separate you. Joe and Rya discuss five ways you can get past what divides you and start to build that bridge. And it's not just theoretical. They discuss conflicting opinions where they are actively trying to build bridges in their own lives.
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The most important thing we can do is maintain relationships with the people who are closest to us. And yet, how often do we end up finding ourselves at odds with the people we love the most, especially when we desperately yearn for their approval? It's our responsibility to take the lead. In this episode, we discuss how to set a positive tone to help our non-ally loved-ones to more become accepting on their own time frame. It all starts with love.
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LGBTQ issues can tear families and friendships apart. What if you don't approve when someone close to you comes out? How can you preserve the relationship without compromising your values? Many of our podcasts on Trandescendant are geared towards allies. But not everyone feels they can be an ally in good conscience. This episode is specifically addressed to those who do not approve of LGBTQ lifestyles but desperately want to salvage the relationship. As the father of an transgender daughter, Joe gives advice on what he has learned. Spoiler: We're not asking you to change.
Joe and Rya gave a live presentation about the importance of accepting your gay or transgender loved one. Since it was a large general audience, no one explicitly identified whether they were an ally. We didn't know how well our message would be received. No one expected how emotional it would become.
Content Warning: discussions of suicide
We're going back to school! We asked ourselves how new teachers are being taught. Is the system getting more accepting of LGBTQ students, or are things going backwards? Do you see the school as your defender... or does the system side with the bullies? We had a discussion with our resident expert in the education field, a recent graduate from the education program and fresh with her teacher's license, Rya's daughter Megan.
Is it better than it used to be to be openly gay in high school? While society has become more open and tolerant, things are far from easy. In this episode we welcome a special guest, our granddaughter and niece, Maya. She describes her experiences as a high school senior, and the strategies she employs to get along with everyone. Just because someone disagrees with you doesn't mean you can't be friends. Maya shares her secrets for promoting conversation instead of confrontation.
How do you get along with someone you disagree with? How do you convince them? CAN you even convince them? We live in a society where we tune out the people who disagree with us and create echo chambers where everyone thinks and acts like we do. There is a better way. In this episode, Joe and Rya discuss how to disagree without being disagreeable.
Chaser, clock, ace, gold star, queerbaiting, and lots more. Do you know what these words mean? In this episode, Rya quizzes her father Joe about the meaning of these terms and other current gay and transgender lingo. If you don't know the meanings, you can feel like you're hearing a whole other language when you're at a Pride event. Listen along and learn with him.
You will often hear that religion and LGBTQ+ experiences as mutually exclusive. The most hateful advocates for faith are often the most vocal. But their perspective does not represent most people of faith. A growing majority of faith communities are welcoming LGBTQ+ people with open arms in ways that are both accepting AND affirming. Father Wilson Roane from the American Episcopal Church joins us to discuss how religious groups are demonstrating love for the most marginalized, including LGBTQ+ people.
So you want to be an LGBTQ ally. What misconceptions have you embraced without realizing it? Despite greater visibility for LGBTQ people, there is still a lot of misinformation about how coming out can affect someone's life. In this episode, Joe and Rya look at the research compiled by AJ Willingham and Scottie Andrew for CNN about common misconceptions that are harmful to the LGBTQ community.
Read the original article at https://www.cnn.com/2022/06/30/us/lgbtq-faq-misconceptions-2022-cec/index.html
Joe and Rya respond to questions from a listener about the impact on children when parents are LGBTQ+. How does a lack of traditional gender role models affect development? Does having LGBTQ+ parents confuse children's understanding of gender and sexuality?
CW: discussion of suicide
Research sited: https://www.ncfr.org/policy/research-and-policy-briefs/lgbtq-parents-and-their-children
What's the deal with people making up all these new genders? Is that all just a load of mumbo jumbo that young people have made up? In this episode we look at the five aspects of gender, and how they combine to make you who you are. This is important stuff that applies to everyone.
In this episode, we look at some facts and figures to help us better understand the LGBTQ+ community and where the numbers show we are trending. Joe and Rya explore where the community has made progress so far, and where there is still a lot of work to be done.
The first step in communicating total acceptance of your transgender loved one is getting their pronouns right. But why is it so important? Why do our trans friends and relatives react so strongly when someone gets it wrong? Can't they understand that the people around them are trying? Their reactions can be confusing if you've never experienced having people use the wrong pronouns for you. Mel Davis from Rainbow Alliance Advocacy returns to the podcast to help the rest of us understand in simple language why pronouns matter, and how to adjust to they/them and neo-pronouns.
What have we learned about being gay from the animal kingdom? Sociologists have learned a whole lot about how humans behave. But what happens in the rest of nature? Veterinary researcher, Dr. Pete Gasper looks at what the science says. Current research indicates that sexual orientation is the result of three converging natural causes. Shame should never be a part of the formations of our identities.
What is it like to be transgender in a small town? What is it like to be the parent of a transgender person in a community where everyone knows you? There's no hiding in a small town. Everyone knows your family, your neighbors, your friends, and everything about you. Joe and Rya open up about the preconceived notions they harbored about what it would be like in town prior to Rya's transition. They explore the dramatic differences between expectations and reality, as well as a few unexpected surprises.
Okay, we confess, we didn't create this ultimate guide. The five points of well-being come from Martin Seligman, the famous researcher on the science of happiness. But we live it. And so can you. LGBTQ+ people face unique challenges and complexities in our lives, so having these five points of focus can help us find a deeper sense of peace and positive attitude.
Being a good ally is about the journey to understanding. This episode looks at what YOU can do to take the initiative. Love leads to listening, listening leads to understanding, and understanding leads to acceptance. Just start with the first step.
If you've met one trans person, you've met one trans person. Each of us has a different story. In this episode, we discuss the similarities and differences between two trans-feminine people, Rya Jones and Maggie Williams.
This podcast was recorded before a live audience at the PRIDEducation event, sponsored by Rainbow Alliance Advocacy in Appleton, WI on May 21, 2023.
May 17 is the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia, and Biphobia. In honor of IDAHOBIT, we discuss ways to support our LGBTQ+ loved ones. Together, we can break down the stigma and create a safe and respectful community for everyone. ❤️🏳️🌈
Go to may17.org to find the illustration we used for this episode's podcast. The illustration is available in many languages. We are grateful to Chilean artist Sofía Miranda Van den Bosch, who created all six illustrations, incorporating feedback from LGBTQIA+ organizations and activists across the world. We thank them for the permission to use these illustrations for social media posts like this podcast.
[image description: Red sky with plants and stars in the background. On the foreground, there are five people with diverse expressions on a globe. The text reads, "Together always: united in diversity." The IDAHOBIT campaign logo is on the bottom right and we added the TranDescendant logo to the upper left.]
What kinds of issues are important in healthcare for transgender patients? While transgender people may still experience some pushback from doctors and other providers, things are much better than they once were. In this episode, Rya discusses her own experience with healthcare, which has been generally positive.
People are notoriously bad at knowing how things will make us feel. Things that happen to us are rarely as mild or as intense as we predict they will be. A common pit trap in relationships is that we overlook what our loved ones are going through because we imagine incorrectly what we would feel in their shoes. In this episode, we discuss how we can all be open to listen to our loved ones when they tell us things are affecting them differently than we would anticipate.
We received an interesting e-mail from a subscriber who expresses gratitude for the podcast, but concerns about some of the issues in the LGBTQ+ community. We discuss those concerns and how it affects our capacity to build healthy relationships with one another.
Rya's daughter joins us to discuss her journey to accepting Rya's transition. It was not easy for her, especially at first. What is it like to have a parent transition? What emotions did she go through? How does she feel about Rya now?
Questions for Megan? E-mail trandescendant@gmail.com.
Many adults assume that LGBTQ+ youth may just be going through a phase. But the most critical thing we can do as allies and guardians of youth is to find ways to unabashedly affirm and support them. When a parent is surprised that a child is coming out, it demonstrates that there has already been a breakdown in communication. Mel Davis offers guidance on how we can support our LGBTQ+ youth during this crucial window of time.
For more info, go to RainbowAllianceAdvocacy.org.
We learned a new word and we wanted to share it with you. What is transmisia? And what does it mean for promoting healthier relationships?
What is it like to be a transgender person in the workforce? How is it different if you stay at the same job you worked before your transition. In this episode, we discuss the topic with one of Rya's childhood friends, a transgender man who works at the local foundary.
One of the great tragedies of many LGBTQ people's life stories is the frequent non-acceptance by family members. We offer two perspectives on how gay, lesbian, and other queer people experience family life. You never know how much time you have left, so we must all make the most of the relationships we have now.
Rya and Joe take a moment to stop and reflect on how the podcast has changed since they started.
This kind of thing happens all the time but often goes unnoticed. In this episode, we share a real-life example of how words can hurt, even when they have the best intentions.
You've been there. Someone tells an off color joke that set off your alarms. You know you should speak up. But you're not sure what to say. In this episode, we discuss an effective strategy for being a positive influence in that situation without having to become the "wet blanket."
"Cultivating positive relationships together" means positive for EVERYONE. But what about for the person who has reservations about LGBTQ issues? Or the person who sincerely believes it conflicts with their faith? Is it possible to still make meaningful contributions towards the relationship? We believe it is. In this episode, we discuss things the skeptic can do to work towards healthier conversations with their LGBTQ loved one.
We all want to have positive relationships. But how can we cultivate them after we've gotten hurt? In this episode we discuss the one thing that is the biggest favor you can do for yourself and for your relationships. It's good for your physical health, it's good for your mental health, and it contributes to your happiness.
When you're faced with a hopeless situation, everything can feel overwhelming. But there is a solution, and it's already there. You just have to find it. No matter what, there is an answer for you. This episode explores the types of hopeless situations you could be facing and suggests ways to get through them even when there seems to be no way.
Even in the best of relationships, there are things that can be difficult to discuss. We share the secrets that LGBTQ people can be reluctant to talk about. Some are too painful. Others simply go unnoticed. But all are important.
Relationships are a complicated thing. They can be the most rewarding and fulfilling thing in your life, but they can also be the most difficult. It is important to remember that relationships are not just about you. They are about two people who have their own needs and wants, and it is up to you to find a way to make both of those needs and wants work together.
This episode will help you learn how to turn over a new leaf in your relationships by setting realistic goals for yourself, learning how to communicate better, and understanding what healthy relationships look like.
Have you ever tried to make a change in your life only to have it fail? Trying harder doesn't work. But there is something that can motivate you without even needing any discipline.
What makes a family a family? For some, family is based on blood. For others, family is chosen. Either way, there is a lot we can do to invest in those relationships to make family everything we yearn for it to be.
A listener responds to our first episodes. We seemed to offer an all-or-nothing approach to relationships. But what about when relationships don't work out? What about when a family member refuses to reconcile? Or when the dynamic is too toxic to continue? Is there any wiggle room?
Family is so important, and very few things in life matter more. How do we keep keep ties strong, especially if we don't see eye-to-eye about issues of gender and sexuality? Differences in perspective don't have to result in broken relationships. What are ways we can demonstrate unconditional acceptance despite our differences?
LGBTQ family members frequently have to face issues of bullying. What are some coping strategies they can use? And what can those who love them do to help?
A guide to preparing for that critical moment when you let your loved one know that you are LGBTQ. We discuss the concept of metacommunication and how you can prepare the way so that the big moment goes well.
How do you know when you're ready to come out? What are the benefits of coming out? What are the risks of coming out? What are some things to consider before coming out? In this episode we discuss the most important things you need to consider before you take that big step.
Whether it is you or a loved one coming out, you can deal with a tremendous sense of loss. Rya shares about the anger she felt in the process. Joe shares the secret of the Lock-Out, a strategy he developed to help him through the most difficult time of his life. This is the third part of Joe and Rya's discussion about grieving through the coming-out process.
Coming out of the closet brings a newfound freedom. But it can also be accompanied by great loss. Rya tells her story of coming out, and the loss she experienced. Together, she and her dad explore how the first few stages of grieving can affect a person who has decided to come out. They discuss ways to find hope in the midst of the pain of loss.
What happens when a loved one comes out to you as gay or trans? The person you thought you knew is not the same person. There can be a very real grieving process as you come to terms with who they are. Joe tells his story about accepting Rya when she came out as transgender. They discuss the difficulties the family had in coming to a place of acceptance.
Rya and Joe discuss the difficulties in accepting our LGBTQ family members and friends, and then look at seven ways we can each demonstrate unconditional acceptance in order to affirm our relationships.
Joe recounts the surprising decision of a girl in a leper colony, drawing parallels with how to respond when LGBTQ family members come out.
Joe and Rya discuss Rya's gender transition and the emotions they each experienced because of it.