Help for Loving Relationships: Recent Episodes
Shane Adamson
Welcome to the place where we courageously discuss the messy and amazing parts of loving relationships. We'll get into complex problems and be inspired by love stories. As a professional counselor for over 25 years, Shane observes what helps and what hurts individuals, marriages, and families. You'll hear from authors and experts as well as everyday heroes who have something to share about strengthening relationships in your community. Get inspired to do hard things as well as find better ways to live, love and parent!
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What holds women back in relationships? Therapist Anita Sandoval and Shane cover topics including
- The reflex to people please, and how this can be harmful long-term
- Guilt and cultural expectations that trap women in self-sacrificing roles
- The signs of betrayal trauma and how it hijacks the nervous system
- What “duty sex” reveals about emotional disconnection. More fulfilling sex happens when both choose to be sexual and it is meaningful & connecting
- The warning signs of a "toxic" relationship and what to do next
- What the markers of healing look like—and how to get there
Empowered Women details more of Anita's work.
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Shane reviews the literature on trauma as well as shares observations from his 30 years as counselor and from his personal work of healing to share some markers that would indicate that you may be struggling with unresolved Trauma
1) He reviews trauma's trauma's impact on physical health and especially the nervous system
2) He details how truams is related to mood disorders such as depression and anxiety as well as addictions
3) He review how Trauma can have impact on your personal confidence, self-esteem and result in a spiritual or existential crisis.
He offers resources such as books, counseling approaches, and intensives. Shane expressed his preference of going deeper through an intensive such as Finding Peace. You can ready more about this intensive by going to this link.
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We know addiction gets in the way of happiness and relationships, but why is recovery so difficult for high-achieving men? Professional coach Roland Cochrun shares his insights and the realization that making real connections (and discovering your purpose in life) are essential.
He is the founder of The Successful Addict recovery group, The Sex Addiction podcast, and author of The High Achiever's Guide to Sex-Addiction Recovery.
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What do you do when you didn't receive comfort consistently while growing up? You look for other ways to receive it. That can lead to unhealthy habits that damage relationships even when they give good feelings. Therapist Anita Sandoval & Shane discuss the Still Face Experiment demonstrated on YouTube, trauma treatments, and how re-parenting yourself helps you show up better in romantic relationships.
Anita specializes in helping women in failed relationships become their empowered, resilient, authentic selves. Find her community online at https://www.anitasandoval.com/
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What is an intensive therapy retreat like? What benefits does it have over doing a therapy workbook or individual counseling? Shane gives his personal experience of the retreat coming up this fall near Lake Texoma that is designed to help people dig deep into themselves, discover the attachment wounds and negative core beliefs that are holding them back, and re-establish their inner serenity.
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One of the scariest scenes in Finding Nemo was when Dory & Merlin swam through the blue trench—being afraid and vulnerable out in the open ocean. Men's coach Bob Smith shares his experiences personally and professionally in how doing that—feeling and accepting negative emotions including vulnerability—opens up individual happiness and leads the way to more connection in relationships.
"When we actually do go to that place of 'this is who I am,' I embrace all of it—the light and the darkness, the good and the bad, the things I'm embarrassed about, the things I'm proud of, that's when we can have something to connect with somebody over and that's what draws people in and brings connection rather than rejection and disconnection, which is what scares us."
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There are 4 key components to creating balance in relationships, that equilibrium between autonomy and closeness that feels good to both partners, according to psychotherapist David Schnarch:
- A flexible, solid self
- A quiet mind & calm heart (emotional regulation)
- Grounded response (avoid reactivity, seek first to understand the other)
- Meaningful endurance (tolerating discomfort for growth)
Shane explains Dr. Schnarch’s research in this 30-minute podcast, and here is the article that inspired today’s episode.
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What defines problematic screen use? What are the real harms? Whether it’s gaming, social media, or online porn, digital addictions can eat up time, tank productivity, increase anxiety, and hurt what really helps—relationships with loved ones.
Counselor Jeremy Edge specializes in teens with gaming addictions and tells us what feeds some of these addictions and how to redirect those we love. His website, Escapingthe.com, has resources including a Family Media Plan from the American Academy of Pediatrics.
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How does empathy change the dynamic of big, negative emotions? What is it about emotional intelligence that allows us to bring our best selves to relationships? What is cognitive dissonance and why is it easier to change our thinking about our behaviors than to actually change them? Tune in to this and more from therapist Stevie Hall, who leads us on this deep dive into empathy.
Stevie has a PhD in psychology as well as specific training in sex therapy, sex addiction, betrayal trauma, complex trauma, attachment theory, and couples therapy (Emotion Focused Therapy by Sue Johnson).
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2025 is the year to better understand happiness! In this episode Shane shares what research indicates increases happiness as well as what blocks it. You might be surprised! "Happiness does not have to be a grand adventure—it can just come from simple things."
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Your world was torn apart by the person you loved the most in the world. Maybe you're still in the relationship, maybe not. Maybe you're trying to decide. What you know is that you don't feel yourself, and you're not getting past it. Therapist Kaylee Dunn talks with Shane about how betrayed partners learn from their anger and channel it to power their transformation. Back to safety and reconnection in relationships again.
She and a colleague started the Humans Navigating Betrayal FB group.
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They foster connection, create a sense of belonging, and reinforce shared values. Shane shares some of his own family traditions as well as from asking others what traditions were meaningful to them.
He reminds the listeners to stay tuned to 2025 where the theme will be happiness. What are the ingredients for a happy life. He is open to guests submitting their nominee for someone they know is happy and feels comfortable being interviewed about the ways he/she has created a happy life.
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Feeling burned out at home? Not getting the love and support you need? Does your marriage need some work? Coach Shiloh Minor talks with Shane about
- boundaries
- self-care
- being more generous with yourself
- noticing the energy you give out, and
- finding the right time to ask for what you need
They make a HUGE difference in what you bring to your relationship and getting the love you need!
Connect with Shiloh's marriage coaching for women at
https://www.facebook.com/Shiloh.LoveYourMarriage/
or
https://www.shilohminor.com/
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After the anger, grief, mourning, and loss, is there really hope for a relationship after a betrayal? Kate Conwell gives us a resounding "Yes!" Listen as she & Shane delve into the 3 stages of healing:
- Safety & stabilization
- Anger, grief. . . all the feelings
- Post-traumatic growth
Getting support with a group really accelerates healing, both for men and women. You can find Kate's groups for women's support at www.journeybeyondbetrayal.com or on Facebook or Instagram. SA Lifeline has recovery groups for both sex addicts and their betrayed partners. Most offer a remote attendance option. Their website is https://salifeline.org . The general Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting directory can be found here: https://saa-recovery.org/meetings
A decade-long journey to heal from PTSD, depression, and addiction took travel writer Brad Wetzler to the Holy Land, India, and the Himalayas. While immersed in nature, spirituality, and relationships with people (and dogs), Brad discovered himself. Self-compassion was a big healer: "When I softened the way I spoke to myself, I began to emerge, and began to feel more connected with my world."
Brad's journey is chronicled in his book Into the Soul of the World.
The podcast will be on break from at least July - Sept.
Related to that, I am excited to announce a new online course coming soon:
Heroic Healing: A Couples' Guide to Healing from Betrayal/Infidelity
This is my first time developing an online course. I am uncertain how much time it will require. I may take a longer break than just summer months if I need the time for course development. I will give listeners a time we will be back releasing episodes this fall. If you have a guest or topic you would like to recommend, please email me at
shaneadamsonlcsw@gmail.com
Have you ever gotten annoyed at someone else, only to later realize it mirrored something in yourself that irritates you? Or noticed a pattern in some relationships that went south? "You take yourself wherever you go," says life coach Deb Blum, who focuses on helping women in the second half of their lives to cultivate a relationship with themselves that they can love.
She offers a yearlong course called The Whole Soul Way and a free tool called 3 Keys to Master Your Emotional Triggers.
Lori's book focuses on 7 steps of personal development. Today we dived deeper into negative perceptions and how to reframe these so they do not sabotage your life:
- Lori shares how her perception of not feeling good enough as a child keep parents to stay together in marriage impacted her self-esteem and views on love.
- She also explores how she experienced difficulties in forming and maintaining romantic relationships due to these early childhood experiences.
- How her beliefs about marriage and long-term relationships has matured through her life experiences.
- She shares significant breakthroughs of healing and growth towards a more mature outlook on love and relationships which resulted in her writing/coaching.
- She expresses gratitude that all these experiences have increased her compassion for others and prepared her to be a guide for others through teaching/coaching
Ways to find or contact Lori Beard
www.steadfast-forward.com
unlockingfreedominnature.com
Book: Freedom from Self-Slavery: The 7 Rs Method: A Guide for Self-Mastery and
Empowerment eBook : Beard, Lori: Kindle Store
Her upcoming project is a Parent-Teen Connection Adventure Puerto Rico - Unlocking Freedom in Nature and Art
As an executive coach, Jelena Simpson leans heavily on the DISC personality assessment to help leaders understand their strengths and areas for improvement in working with their teams. And connecting with them is crucial, she says, because it keeps employees who value security and low conflict from "quiet quitting."
She can be found at JelenaSimpson.com or on Instagram @coachwithjalena.
A dedicated mindset transformation coach specializing in trauma and abuse recovery, Shirley Buck draws from her own remarkable journey to help others.
As an energy healer, she understands the intricate connection between mind, body, and spirit. Her personal healing has deepened her understanding of the transformative power of energy work and its ability to facilitate profound emotional and physical healing. Through her intuitive and nurturing approach, she guides individuals towards releasing deep-seated traumas, restoring balance, and reclaiming their sense of self-worth.
Her life's mission is to inspire and guide others on their path to recovery, resilience, and personal transformation. She is the author of the internationally best-selling book, Sweet Freedom Whispered in My Ear.
Have you ever wondered what going to an intensive 5-day therapy retreat is like? Shane reviews his experience at the Green Shoe Retreat, which focuses on healing the pain from childhood dysfunction in your family of origin. You might joke that "Our family put the 'fun' in 'dysfunction'," but in real life it can lead to problems with self-esteem, boundaries, dependency, and moderation/addiction.
Jacob Hess is lead author of The Power of Stillness: Mindful Living for Latter-day Saints. With Phil Neisser, he wrote You’re Not as Crazy as I Thought, But You’re Still Wrong, and is a former board member of the National Coalition of Dialogue & Deliberation. Jacob’s life work is dedicated to making space for thoughtful, good-hearted people to find understanding (and affection) while exploring together the deepest of disagreements. He and his sweetheart Monique live in Paradise, Utah having some modest success raising four boys and a baby girl —and proving to be reliably mediocre in raising chickens, goats and an embarrassingly deficient vegetable garden.
He has a substack at publishpeace.net and his next book, The Practice of Stillness, is coming out later this year.
Taking the time to reflect on what you're grateful for and writing down your thoughts both require the ability to detach from the inner dialogues in your brain, and with practice bring a host of therapeutic benefits. Shane details many in this short episode:
- improves awareness of perceptions & events in your life
- helps you prioritize problems, concerns, fears & goals
- creates opportunity for positive self-talk
- reduces stress & anxiety
- increases coping skills
- improves memory & emotional awareness
Shane recently completed a training by APSATS (Association of Partner's of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists. He shares some best practices for healing betrayal based on this healing.
1. Safety and Stabilization
2. Remembering and Mourning
3. Reconnecting and Reinventing
Shane offers ideas and resources for healing and recovery based on his 15 years of experience in this specialty and the recent training he did with APSATS.
Guest Heidi Hastings is a sex and marriage researcher, educator, and advocate. She details the 5 stages women go through in trying to heal from a betrayal:
- Innocence/naivete
- Crisis
- Aftermath
- Healing
- Transformation
"Women need women for healing," she says. Her research found that support groups were very helpful, not only in the crisis stage, but all the way through transformation, when they're creating authentic relationships with people who help them feel healthy.
Heid received her Master's and PhD degrees in Human Development and Family Studies from Texas Woman's University. Her research interests include betrayal trauma, healthy sexuality, pornography and religion, and transformational growth. She is an adjunct professor, teaching Family Stress and Coping for BYU-Idaho and is currently working on a book for women who have experienced sexual betrayal. Heidi and her husband Scott are co-owners of a medical clinic in Frisco, Texas, and have worked together to create a 10-week marriage course. She keeps trying to get him to give up his daytime job as a doctor to join her in helping couples create great marriages! They have four amazing and unique children who have deeply challenged and changed who they are for the better!
She can be reached at dr.heidihastings@gmail.com.
Kayla started singing along side her father on stage at the young age of 2. Over the years she has brought her music to school assemblies, worship services, and recently recorded her 2nd album entitled, "All Things New." Kayla's Christian faith has been very meaningful to her life and her music. Kayla explains that her style of music is to tell a story that can connect with others as well as include a redemptive message. Here is an excerpt of Kayla describing herself and her music:
My name is Kayla Rae Atkins, and I’m a small town girl from Kansas. I learned hard work ethics growing up “on the farm” through small town, country-like living. I learned to be a neighbor and a friend to all because that’s how we all were. It wasn’t exactly Mayberry but definitely close!
I aspire for my songs be simple and real, just like the land I grew up in. As certain as the early morning sun, so was the promise of God’s faithfulness to me. As you listen, I pray you sense a thread of His redemption running through these songs, and that you find hope and healing for your own journey.
For decades, I've been influenced by the voices of singers like Amy Grant and Celine Dion, the sounds and stories of country music, and the timeless melodies of church music. And as I've begun sharing my own music with the world, I've found my own voice as a singer and a songwriter.
I released my first album Rhythms of Grace in 2012, and I'm beyond excited to share with you my sophomore album All Things New, featuring the singles Freedom, Suddenly, and The One Who Keeps His Promise.
The lawsuit against Meta for allegedly harming teens with their addictive platforms. Opioids. Online porn. Addiction, and the resulting loss, touches us all at some time.
Shane talks about the accusations that Facebook & Instagram harm teens’ mental health. He also gets into how addiction harms generally and how society can better support people in recovery. Last of all, he opens up about loss.
Sometimes family dynamics can increase stress during holiday gatherings. Shane offers 7 tips to help you better navigate these reunions and reduce drama.
The second half of the podcast Shane gives a sneak preview into episodes for 2024. Thanks to all of you for being supportive listeners of the show!
Romaree's journey in her Jewish faith took a winding road—from feeling disconnected with her Reform upbringing in El Paso to renewed interest while experiencing antisemitism in Germany. She was in college when she decided to go to Israel to attend an Orthodox seminary for girls—an experience that led her to greater spirituality and connection with her faith.
Now practicing a more Conservative faith, Romaree finds saying the Shema Yisrael prayer calms her and brings her back to center in anxious times. The principles she read in The Committed Life by Rebbetzin Esther Junreis strengthened her marriage. And she sees divine providence, hashgachah pratis, in every aspect of her life. "Nothing is a coincidence. . . If you have the ability to see past it being a coincidence, you will see that God puts these things in your path, and it's up to you as a soul, as a human, to grab onto that and be guided. That is how I live my life. It think everything is guided by God and his divineness."
You can see Romaree in the documentary "The People of the Crossing: The Jews of El Paso" by filmmaker Isaac Artenstein. (Link is to a preview, not the full-length film.)
"He created you all from a single soul." How does this tenet from Islamic theology change the way we think about our relationships? A faithful Ismaili Muslim, Almas Muscatwalla explains that it helps to diffuse conflict if we see the other as having an equal right to their opinion. And no force. "No mother is going to drag their child to jamatkhana [for local worship], but the parents have the responsibility to engage with their faith intellectually, talk about why they did it, model it for them. What the institution does is give resources to resolve some of the doubts." She talks about the role of reconciliation boards and welfare boards in helping members of congregations. Tune in at minute 42:30 to hear how to treat a son with a tattoo.
Almas can be found on LinkedIn and Facebook.
Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Aaron & Julie Bujnowski share how insights gained from prayer and personal revelation informed big decisions: Should we move? How should we tackle cancer treatment? They offer many other spiritual insights about personal development, loving relationships and how worship in the temple brings a spiritual power that comes from faith in Jesus Christ. They provide many life experiences of how this spiritual power deepens their loving relationships and strengthens their resilience to endure the toughest adversities that life can bring. Here are some nuggets of wisdom from this episode:
- Being curious & non-judgemental are foundation principles to love others well
- Contrasting experiences in life allow us to appreciate both joy and hardship
- Our belief that families can be together forever helps us prioritize marriage & family relationships as the most important
- Marriage helps us face our limitations & weaknesses because we are underdeveloped. We need to mature so that we can love our spouse more fully
- Faith in Christ empowers us to endure life hardships and helps us feel peace even in life's darkest moments
- A faith community is where we practice loving well. Each congregration will have a wide range of diversity in people, which teaches us how to build bridges and support one another despite our differences
Together Aaron and Julie wrote a book, Discovering Your Temple Insights, available at major booksellers.
1) Don't lie. How honesty heals
2) Have patience with self, spouse, and recovery. (Research shows it's a 1-5 year process)
3) Seek help. Involve >3 others in your healing journey
4) Improve your distress tolerance. Addiction is really about emotional management
5) Take full responsibility
6) Be proactive, be transparent, and fight for your spouse's heart!
These are 6 ways someone who was discovered in virtual infidelity (secretive pornography use) or actual cheating on their spouse can improve the healing process.
I am taking a break from releasing new episodes for July, August and September!
August is my daughter Noel's wedding
September-October is Recovery Foundations: Pathway to Hope with Janice Caudill. This is 6 week intensive designed for couples focusing on betrayal trauma, problematic sexual behavior and broken trust in marriage. To learn more go to this link:
https://intensivehope.com/healing/mcr/groups/workshops/
October is also the Finding Peace Retreat Oct 11-15 and Wendy and my 30 year wedding anniversary. If you want to learn more about Finding Peace Retreat go here:
https://findingpeaceconsulting.com/finding-peace-retreat/
I plan to explore different world religions and spiritual practices that develop loving relationships within a marriages, families, parents, siblings, and with in friendships and community as well as a loving relationship with oneself. If you know someone in Islam, Judahism, Buddhism that could speak on how a lived faith strengthens loving relationships please refer this to me for an interview.
Aaron and Julie Bujnowski will discuss a their book Temple Insights as well as how their faith has helped them and loved ones do hard things, heal and find deeper meaning to life and loving relationships
What does a healthy relationship look like? What are signs of an abusive relationship? What do you know about the LGBTQ community? Starting conversations with your teens about what's already in their minds and going on around them can be eye-opening and the increased communication helps your relationship.
Find out more from EducateEmpowerKids.org, follow on Instagram @eduempowerkids, or ask for more info@educateempowerkids.org
Are you waiting for your kids to start the conversation? Don’t! Dina Alexander, author of multiple books for parents, urges you to “Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Our kids are being exposed to a thousand percent more sexualized media than you & I ever were. And because of that, we need to be proactive and allow our kids to know they have the freedom to talk to us. “ In her books and from minute 33:27 she walks us through some conversations, starting with what our boundaries are, in natural conversations that could happen anywhere—dinner table or in the car on the way to practice.
Brian Schoepf and Jen Rodriguez purchased Crossfit Slake in March of 2020. The timing couldn't have been worse. They found a way to survive the challenges with Covid and built a thriving crossfit community over the past 3 years. In this episode, they share their wisdom of focusing on both fitness and building a community.
Learn more about Crossfit Slake by going to their website or calling them at 940-301-0846.
Peyton and Tony have been married for 36 years and are active “empty nesters.” They moved to Aubrey, TX in 2019 after living in Plano for over 22 years, where they raised three boys. Their oldest son is married and lives in the Los Angeles area, close to their youngest son. Their middle son is also married and lives in Ft. Worth.
Peyton is a personal trainer and enjoys CrossFit, running, and volunteers with the organization Girls on the Run. Tony is a leadership development consultant and enjoys creating art with acrylics on canvas. Both are avid sports fans with a passion for F1 racing. Their most enjoyable times are any time they can be with their sons and daughters-in-law.
Podcaster Carmen Hecox is passionate about helping women navigate midlife with more confidence and purpose. She interviewed Shane about his 3 components of self-confidence, what gets in the way, and how to overcome. (Not a surprise: This advice works for men and women of every age!) Some nuggets:
- A quiet mind, calm heart, and self-compassion lead to inner peace
- Competence in an area + positive feedback -> increased confidence
- "It's not the wounds of our lives that harm us but the stories we tell ourselves."
- Challenge the negative beliefs about yourself
- Connections--to your family, friends, higher power--are all important resources
- Take a time out when you're flooded emotionally
- Find an accountability partner/group that challenges you
- "Part of life is sitting through hard emotions and finding more healthy coping."
- How to regulate our "emotional temperature"
The statistics are staggering: 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused before age 18. But parents CAN be proactive in starting conversations with their children, watching for changes in behavior, and listening. Cynthia Gambill works with nonprofit organization Saprea, which offers resources to help not only victims heal, but parents prevent their children from becoming victims.
One in 5 children will be sexually abused before they turn 18, according to nonprofit charity Saprea. The trauma from abuse can last decades, but healing is possible, with help and support for survivors. Cynthia Abrea explains how the programs at their free retreats for adult female survivors do that.
- Minute 16:00 What happens in Saprea retreats
- Minute 20:00 Sense of community
- Minute 20:36 Support afterward
Dr. Watson helps couples who may want to liven-up their sexual intimacy. She shares ideas around role plays, fantasy, and novelty and spontaneity. She has wonderful assessment tool called Best Sex Conversations which helps couples identify things that enhance vs reduce sexual desire. We have provided a link to this assessment tool.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1gLxjU_eKenO8nAhrTlL5ddBBJmg9FyHE/view?usp=sharing
You can hear more of Dr Watson at her podcast here: https://www.foreplayrst.com/category/podcast/
"One of the really important pillars of a marriage is our emotional connection and our sexual connection," says therapist Dr. Laura Watson, author of the book Wanting Sex Again. But if a low-T male still has four times the testosterone levels of a normal 18 to 22-year-old female, how do couples overcome this difference?
Therapist Terri Burns shares what "Masters of Marriage" do that "Disasters in Marriage" don't. (Hint: Put more deposits in their emotional bank account.) Her steps to conflict resolution take a page from FBI negotiation tactics: Start with the assumption of similarity. You & the other side are not that far off—you both want the same things. Only after you understand their view can you try to get them to accept your proposals.
You can learn more about what Terri does at Creative Couples and Counseling or contact her at terri2burns@gmail.com
Hold Me Tight is a two-day workshop based on the emotional focused couples therapy model created by Sue Johnson. Over 70% of couples who seek marital help using this model report feeling satisfied and happier than before therapy. The focus of the workshop is couples practice doing the 7 conversations for a lifetime of love which comes from the book.
Masters level therapist introduce each of the 7 conversations to ensure couples understand the exercise. Couples go into private rooms to practice the conversation with support of a therapist. Most couples report in their evaluation that the workshop is effective in identifying habits that get in the way of communication and help develop new habits that foster a more loving and connected marriage. Listen to this episode to learn more details. You can contact Shane Adamson to learn when the next Hold Me Tight workshop will be held. Marriage is an adventure in love. Hold Me Tight helps couples to renew their love story!
Saying the mourner's Kaddish, preparations for burial, and memorial services: rituals with our faith community help us know what to do in the disorienting days and months after we lose a loved one. They vary between faith traditions and get personalized within families, but all can bring comfort when we need it most.
Guest Meli Solomon, author of the Living Our Beliefs podcast, shares her experiences with how faith helped her move forward after a loss.
Shane reflects on the past year of favorite episodes and the feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment that comes from fulfilling his dream of launching a podcast. He gives a sneak peak to 2023 episode topics. Shane also invites others to join him in a journey of self-love with the 2023 Self-love Challenge. You can learn more by opening your Facebook search bar and entering "2023 Self-love Challenge." When you join this private FB group, you will receive a weekly video from Shane about his successes and struggles with self-love. You are invited to share your journey in this private group focused on improving our self-love. It is our goal that with group strength, encouragement, and accountability, members will grow in their relationship with self and improve their loving relationships with others.
Here is a link to the podcast home page on Buzzsprout.
Troy Love is our first return guest! His episode on "letting the love -in and healing relationship trauma" was the top downloaded episode for 2022. We are opening our 2023 by inviting others to join our self-love challenge. In this episode, Troy Love and I discuss how a foundation of compassion and self-love will impact the choices that you make each day. We tackle some of the common challenges of self-love such as negative self-talk, neglecting self-care, and over-functioning. I believe the more we are able to love ourselves the more capable and confident we become in loving those around us. Hoping this interview inspires and motivates you to practice self-love! Please join us on a journey of Self-love for 2023. See the Help for Loving Relationships Facebook page for more details!
https://www.facebook.com/ShaneAdamson.lcsw
If you want more information about Troy Love go to his website:
https://findingpeaceconsulting.com/
For his 80th birthday, Scott had bookmark cards printed that listed truths to live by that he gave as gifts to family and friends. Included are sayings from John Rockefeller and Scott’s own remarkable life as a rancher, COO of Fuller Brush Company, father of 6 children, and grandfather of many. See if you don’t find his stories as delightful as we did!
Did you know that having an emotional bond with another person during a trial helps calm your nervous system? We are built for connection. Emotionally-Focused Therapy helps couples figure out where they get stuck in their relationship. Hear Dr. Belle, host of the EFT show "We Heart Therapy" on YouTube, talk about how she works with couples to help them understand their attachment styles and build stronger bonds.
In this episode we cover the common struggles that parents face and how approaching these from a "future-focused"parenting model can be effective.
- Deana shares the 3 pillars of future focused parenting
- How to be more intentional about parenting and less crisis management oriented
- Discuss the challenge of excessive screen time and strategies to manage this issue
- Importance of being emotionally aware as a parent of your emotions and your child's emotions
We round out this episode by talking about common challenges that blended families face.
- Why going back and forth between two households is hard for youth and ways to lessen this strain
- What are the reasons that step-children and step-parents can struggle so much and some creative ideas or mindsets to help things go right.
- The importance of the Blended family golden rule of NOT speaking ill of the other parent
Deana closes the episode by sharing a sibling "love story" that is really touching. There are lots of nuggets of wisdom in this episode. Enjoy!
BIO: Deana Thayer is the co-founder of Future Focused Parenting and co-host of the popular parenting podcast, Raising Adults. She is passionate about teaching families proactive, intentional parenting strategies so they can thrive rather than survive on their parenting journey. Deana and her husband Scott have five teen and young adult children.
How to reach Deana Thayer for coaching for a new baby, children, teens, and blended families
futurefocusedparenting@gmail.com
5 full seasons of Raising Adults: Future Focused Parenting Podcast can be found here:
Shane leans on his courage to be vulnerable and share his personal experience of healing some relationship wounds from his life. He highlights his experience of using the Finding Peace method developed by Troy Love. In this episode you will learn about 6 common attachment wounds, how to recognize shame shadows in your life, and ways to heal your wounds so you can live more in peace.
Finding Peace Workbook
Finding Peace Retreat
How much time do you spend together that is uninterrupted, when you're not distracted? What are you doing for each other to develop that emotional intimacy?
Some research shows dual-income couples may spend as little as 2 hours a week. And yet Gottman-trained therapist Bob Good describes emotional intimacy as "the power washing system to heal every relationship that is going through some type of heavy turmoil." People in relationships need listening, understanding, validation, and empathy.
He also offers specific steps toward healing for couples struggling with infidelity as well as the "4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse" that Dr. Gottman teaches are the most common heralds of doom to marital happiness. If you want a stronger marriage, check out this episode.
To learn more about Robert Good MA, Th.M., LPC-S, go to his website: https://www.stonebriarca.com/about/our-counselors/robert-good/
Hello Everyone!
Thanks to your support we reached 500 downloads in 5 months! I am not releasing episodes in July or August. Here is a line-up of episodes that will release starting Sept 2022
- Bob Good will talk about strengthening marriage. He is John Gottman level 3 trained and has 3 years of counseling experience to draw from to share his favorite ideas for all types of marital challenges as well as the marriage just needing a simple tune-up.
- Deana Thayer will discuss Parenting as well as unique issues related to Blended Families. When parents remarry, this can add some complexity to family relationships. She has many years experience hosting her own podcast and running a group for blended families at her church.
- Scott McKnight turned 80 earlier this year. I attended his birthday with 120 other friends and family including 8 of his children son, growing number of grandkids, and many who were influenced for good by this man. I chose Scott as an everyday hero who has developed a book mark that lists his philosophy for a successful and happy life.
- Jon Mott a former professor and Political Science guru will share ways to navigate polictical conversations during in peron and/or social media conversations. You need these tips to ensure the next family reunion or political post is not plagued by political differences that can create unnecessary tension in your friend/family relationships.
Lark is one of the first children in her working class family from El Paso TX to pursue higher education. She announces during our show her plan to retire from practicing law as an attorney in TX and CO. She explains that during her early years relationships were challenging. She was blessed to have two wonderful children Leo and Beth before finding her current partner Janine. Lark shares the many benefits that came as gay marriage became legalized and more widely accepted in America. She offers advice for relationhips and how to be an ally for the LGBTQ community.
Gary Kindley shares his story of creating his love story with his husband and his observations of loving relationships within the LGBTQ community. He is trained as a professional counselor and pastor. He offers some important information to consider from his life experiences and living in a gay relationship for over 20 years.
You can reach Gary at his website: https://cciadallas.org/#counselors
A. Todd Jones shares his experiences as a professor, artist, and coach as a gay man. He has learned about himself and love through his marriage with his partner of nearly 10 years. He shares about his experience as a "keeper of Christmas" A. Todd also offers advice for maintaining a long-term committed gay marriage and other ideas from his experiences,
As a parent, how do you make tough talks with your kids about pornography more comfortable? Kristen Jenson, author of Good Pictures, Bad Pictures, discusses ways parents can help their kids understand what porn is, why it's harmful, and what to do about it. Her approach aims to keep the conversations with parents going.
Check out more from Kristen here:
Books/Website: www.defendyoungminds.com/books
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DefendYM
Instagram: @defendyoungminds
Twitter: @defendYM
Boundaries--why do we need them in healthy relationships? Because they both protect us and show respect to others. Tune in to learn tools to practice setting boundaries for yourself and how to handle "steamrollers"--people who don't respect your boundaries. Your relationships will be better for it!
Crossing threshholds in life, receiving comfort from the "poor sweet baby blanket," and walking under the full-moon with dad: Author Meg Cox and former journalist for the Wall Street Journal and Washington Post describes how she came to realize the power of rituals in strengthening bonds between family members and friends.
Check out the introduction to her revised and updated The Book of New Family Traditions: How to Create Great Rituals for Holidays and Every Day.
Got Traditions?
An essay called "You Are What You Celebrate" walks you through exercises to identify your family's rituals and what they say about your family culture, then helps you tweak them to align with your true values.
Most people who get caught up in addictions are bound down by shame. Hear the story of Celeste, whose journey to health and self-love came through fellowship in a 12-step program. "Like the Velveteen Rabbit [from the children's book]: by the time you're really loved, you've got most of your fur rubbed off, your eyes pop off, and you're loose in the joints, but you can never be ugly except to people who don't understand."
What helps? And can it even be saved? The answer is yes, with help for both partners. He needs to lean into her pain, acknowledge and validate it, and be fully transparent and accepting of boundaries. She needs a support network and to focus on self-care. Love is bigger than pain.
References I mention in the podcast:
- Geoff Steurer's article His Recovery, Her Recovery, and Our Recovery
- SA Lifeline quality 12-step groups for both sex addiction and betrayal trauma
- Michelle Mays' 6 stages of betrayal trauma recovery
- Addo Recovery Bloom Program
- Betrayal Trauma Recovery
- Help Her Heal empathy workbook by Carol Juergensen Sheets
We are wired for human connection. What gets in our way? That's what counselor and best-selling author Troy L. Love discusses with Shane in this episode. Relationship trauma and the different voices of shame all keep us from reaching out or meaningfully connecting with others. Learn how to let the love in!
- Check out his book Finding Peace on Amazon--a combination story and workbook on healing from loss, rejection, abandonment, betrayal, neglect, and abuse. (Or jump straight into the 5-day Finding Peace Challenge.)
- For more regular inspiration, tune into the Finding Peace Podcast.
- Good news: Troy's 4-day Finding Peace Retreat is coming to Dallas this fall! Mark your calenders for Oct 13-16th in Palestine TX. The east Texas piney forest is the perfect place to go for healing and peace . The link above will offer details after March retreat in Arizona.
This episode has two parts:
1) Shane introduces the strengthen your marriage challenge, an assessment tool for evaluating 6 areas of intimacy, and numerous suggested activities for intimacy building. A 12-month tracking system is provided for you to set goals & evaluate your progress. Download the 5-page PDF of the Strengthen Your Marriage Challenge at https://cmfcdallas.com/
2) Shane geeks-out by sharing two of his favorite theories on adult love: Attachment Theory and Differentiation Theory. He gives examples of these theories from his counseling practice and some take-away ideas that each theory can offer you and your marriage.
Common habits that hurt marriage :
- Needing to be right
- Controlling your partner
- Unbridled self-expression
- Punishment (revenge)
- Withdrawal (silent treatment)
- Blaming & neglecting to see your part of the relationship issue
- Defensiveness
- Resentment
6 Habits that develop mature love in marriage:
- Self confront--pathway toward honesty and change
- Calming down--an angry or reactive mind is not helpful. When you calm down, you can get clarity & wisdom
- Be open to feedback. Ask for what you need using respectful language. "I would appreciate it if you do more... or less of....."
- Pursuers in the relationship need to soften their intensity
- Withdrawers need to avoid isolating and stay in important conversations
- Work toward building a soft place to land in marriage
References: "New Rules of Marriage” Terry Real
Strengthen your Marriage Online course, Jennifer Finlayson Fife
If you would like a 5-7 min quick assessment of your attachment to both parents and your spouse, click the link.
Try this if you want to take the ACES child assessment tool of adverse childhood experiences.
As a stay-at-home mother of 5 with a degree in secondary education, Andrea has tested the ideas she presents within her own family as well as others in the Better Screen Time community. She and husband Tyler created a structure for conversations with children and teens (including this TED talk by Adam Alter) to help them develop the skill of discernment that will serve them throughout their lives. Some specific topics included:
- Importance of parents being unified in their message and being models of healthy screen time usage
- Downloads of non-screen activities for both younger children and teens; a maturity assessment to determine when a child is ready for a phone
- Recommendation of a progression from simple phone to smart phone
- Advice to parents who feel they have already lost the battle with devices
- Identify benefits that come as you practice healthy screen-time habits
To get 20% off Better Screen Time online courses, use coupon code LOVINGRELATIONSHIP. Offer exires January 31st, 2022 at midnight.
Please use this affiliate link to access the Tech Healthy Family online courses.
Tony Bacigalupo experienced loneliness as an independent consultant in the IT industry. He developed New Work Cities as way to bring together many who were working from home and struggling with feeling isolated. Now as the community program manager at Smart Passive Income, Tony seeks to eradicate the epidemic of loneliness by showing people how to foster belonging in themselves and others. In this episode we cover
- Practical ways to connect with others.
- Stats of loneliness in the world and how to be a friend to yourself.
- The 3 pillars of friendship.
- Important ways to develop a relationship with someone you like to a deeper long-term friendship.
http://twitter.com/tonybgoode
http://instagram.com/tonybgoode
http://linkedin.com/in/tonybacigalupo
http://tonybacigalupo.com
Geoff Steurer is a good friend who has counseled individuals and couples for over 20 years in strengthening and healing after infidelity. Geoff shares the best practices of rebuilding trust once it has been lost. He talks about his online trust building course and shares what really helps rebuild bonds:
- Spouse who strays needs to make a crucial shift to focus on healing partner's pain.
- Create healing environment at home: be present and tuned in to their emotions.
- Create family culture of trust: admit that parents can be wrong and commit to full transparency. There will often be more grace & forgiveness than you expect.
- Look for signs that trust is being lost--check regularly and refill, like checking oil in a car.
Links:
https://www.geoffsteurer.com/podcasts/from-crisis-to-connection-with-geoff-steurer
www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/
www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT
http://www.geoffsteurer.com
His free guide to help couples quickly end arguments: https://www.geoffsteurer.com/3-steps-to-end-your-marriage-argument
Love You, Hate the Porn: Healing a Relationship Damaged by Virtual Infidelity
https://www.geoffsteurer.com/trust-building-bootcamp
Have you ever met someone whose life journey sounded so hard it inspired you? How did they make it through the rough times? Meet Hermania Faith Ricks, whose childhood in Liberia during civil wars led her family to America, where her relationships with her mother and a mentor helped her pursue the American dream.
** Apology for a couple moments of poor sound qaulity. This was my first interview of sharing a microphone. I did not realize asking a question or making a comment sitting next to her would sound so faint.
- Why stay?
- Will I ever be able to trust him again?
- He did such a good job lying before. How will I be able to tell if he is lying again?
- How can I tell if he is truly in recovery?
These are questions that victims of betrayal trauma ask themselves. Listen in to hear Gina Kaye, coach with Partner Hope, talk with Shane about these and the phases of recovery victims go through in their path to finding their voice and power again. Some nuggets:
- "Words + actions over time--that's how trust is rebuilt." (8:10)
- "Secrets get in the way of intimacy." (26:15)
Welcome to the show! Meet host Shane and his wife Wendy as they discuss why loving relationships are key to a long and happy life. (A Harvard study proved that--they didn't make it up.) They talk about connecting rituals couples can engage in to strengthen their bonds--physically, emotionally, spiritually, socially, intellectually, and sexually. Loving relationships need nurturing to grow!
- Subscribe to our email list to get the Strengthen Your Relationship Challenge with suggestions for ways to improve in the 6 areas of intimacy. (We promise we won't spam you--just send relevant takeaways from our episodes no more than twice a month. This one is a 5-page PDF with progress-tracking calendar to post on the fridge and LOTS of tips to get you started.)
- Here's the link to a TED talk about that Harvard study.