Matt Brauer Column: Recent Episodes
Matt Brauer
Matt Brauer is a writer and podcaster of generally funny stuff. His content focus is on daily living, culture, social and philosophical sciences, current events, writing, and cheese.
It’s a new year. For many people, it is a time to set personal resolutions to keep for the upcoming year. Not for many of the people I associate with – I don’t know any of my personal friends or close coworkers that set New Year’s resolutions, at least none they...
T-shirts are the perfect article of clothing. They are easy to put on, cool and comfortable, and require no annoying buttons or zippers to waste time. They come in a variety of colors and I can always find a size to fit me. Unfortunately, I cannot wear them during...
It’s lunchtime again, my usual writing time, and I’m at a popular hamburger joint. I know many writers who are unable to work unless they are surrounded by complete quiet and solitude, but for me, I need to be in a bustling locale with lots of background music and...
My neighbor just purchased a Halloween shed. It’s not anything special, simply one of those prefabricated kits which can be purchased at the local home improvement mega-store, the kind that can be assembled in an hour by those with a carpentry aptitude, or...
Today I want to tell you about The Jinx Effect. It is the severe and total hexing of myself to maximize annoyance or disappointment. It goes beyond the simple, common types of jinxing, such as a downpour after washing my car or sitting in stalled traffic when I am...
I seldom enjoy reading comments posted at the end of news articles. If I want to lose my faith in human nature, the comments posts are the first place I go to find the worst in human values. Even in a news article as innocuous as “Puppy Saved From Fire,” by the fifth...
I recently took a day trip to one of the more touristy spots in the area. Along with the usual people attracted to touristy areas - namely tourists, who try to cram as much fun, fun, fun into their short time in the area, and relax more at their busy jobs than...
I like little victories. Such as the one I feel when I grab the last spot in the indoor parking garage at work in the morning. And the one I feel when I pick up the bag of potato chips at the deli, and the bag is double stuffed by accident. And the one...
Dear Matt: My boyfriend who I have been dating for a few months asked me out for dinner on Friday, then yesterday told me he had to break the date because some of his friends were coming in from out of town and he wanted to meet them. He didn’t...
A coworker came to me fifteen minutes after I arrived at work, “Mornin’,” he said. I thought for a moment. Was this a greeting? Was it a statement? Was it a test to see how I would react to a one word comment? I thought about how I could answer. I felt most compelled to say...
I have a British friend I see occasionally who is frank and honest as only a European can be. He will tell me things about myself no American friend could who does not wish to risk our friendship, stuff no wife could say who wishes to remain married. His latest comment...
In a recent poll, nearly one third of employees in the workplace judge their managers to be so dreadful they would recommend their bosses seek psychological counseling. (I, on the other hand, would recommend anyone who desires an MBA seek professional help only to...
It’s back to work after a nice long vacation. Though I don’t look forward to getting back into the work routine, I know it is a necessary evil so I can make the money to enjoy future vacations. I have not yet found a way to make money as a professional vacationer. Those who...
I know what you’re thinking when you read the title of this essay: How can this guy tackle a topic as large as the history of idiocy in 600 words? Though the history of idiocy is long and detailed, it can be effectively summed up in a few major...
My body and I are not getting along. Part of it is due to the aging process, I know, but there is so much more contributing, it would be impossible to list in a 600-word essay. However, all the problems point to a sole source: our bodies are...
Good day, class. Today I’m going to teach you how to stop thinking. I don’t mean I’m recommending you completely stop thinking. I certainly don’t want you to stop thinking about what I’m presenting to you, or to stop remembering to keep reading my works. It is how...