@THRIVE & INSPIRE – BIZCATALYST 360°: Recent Episodes
BIZCATALYST 360
Jeremy David Engels, Penn State
A new year beckons, which means that it’s also time to imagine new beginnings and better futures. It’s time, in short, for New Year’s resolutions. Gratitude, in particular, has become a popular resolution. For many of us, living gratefully seems to promise more happiness in our lives.
But what if we’ve got gratitude all wrong?
I began writing my book “The Art of Gratitude” because I too believed that gratitude might offer an antidote to the anger, fear, and resentment that characterize contemporary life. But as I read one self-help book about gratitude after another, it had the opposite effect on me. The more I read, the less grateful I felt. I came to ask, does the problem lie in how gratitude tends to be defined?
The debt of gratitudeGratitude is often defined as a feeling of obligation and indebtedness toward those who give us a gift or help us out in some way. Consider how often many of us use the phrase, “I owe you a debt of gratitude,” or “One good turn deserves another.”
What is the framework of gratitude?
Eugene Kim, CC BYThe debt of gratitude idea dates back to the foundations of Western culture, to Aristotle, Cicero, and the New Testament.
According to a leading contemporary expert on gratitude, UC Davis psychology professor Robert Emmons, “To be grateful means to allow oneself to be placed in the position of recipient – to feel indebted and aware of one’s dependence on others.” Or, as Emmons argues elsewhere, gratitude is “an acknowledgement of debt,” and ingratitude “the refusal to admit one’s debt to others.” In this framework, people are debtors and the givers of debt. According to philosopher Shelly Kagan, “If someone does you a favor, you owe them something; you owe them a debt of gratitude.” People judge the value of others based on what they can offer. Emmons writes:
“Gratitude requires that a giver give not only a gift but also a gift dear to himself – a ‘pearl of great price,’ as it were. … The degree to which we feel gratitude always hinges on this internal, secret assessment of cost: It is intrinsic to the emotion, and perfectly logical, that we don’t feel all that grateful for gifts that we receive that cost little or nothing to the giver.”
In other words, gifts and kindnesses involve a calculation of “cost,” which extends to repayment: Gifts are calculated gestures that must be repaid with an expression of thanks and, if possible, reciprocal gifts. Thinking in such terms might encourage people to see their relationships in economic terms – as transactions to be judged by market criteria of gain and loss.
To that end, the Christian radio show host Nancy Leigh DeMoss advises keeping a gratitude journal just like a bank statement or a checkbook registry, as a place to manage gratitude debts.
“I want to encourage you to think of gratitude as being a debt you owe, the same way you’re called upon to pay your monthly bills.”
The art of gratitudeGratitude is about more than individual happiness. My happiness is bound with yours and with everyone else’s.
Gratitude authors, who urge us to focus on the debts we owe to others, are reminding us of this fact. I, however, argue in “The Art of Gratitude” that the rhetoric of the debt of gratitude sets us down a dangerous road. The trouble is that the value of our relationships cannot be calculated with numbers on the page, and trying to do so might make us miss out on what is most important.
Take, for example, a recent gift I received – of a nice aluminum water bottle. A friend said that she saw it and thought of me. Of course, I thanked her. But rather than immediately calculate the cost of the gift and determine how I would repay her, I asked: “Why did you choose a water bottle?” She told me where she grew up in the United States, she did not have access to clean water. I travel a lot, and she wanted me to take clean water with me wherever I went. Moreover, she hoped that it would help to cut down on plastic bottle waste, because, she said, we all share this planet.
I might have missed all of this had I only pondered on how best to repay it. Instead, this gift prompted a conversation that reminded me of our fundamental interconnectedness. My actions, she was saying, impacted her life, just as her actions impacted my own.
This interconnected worldIt is crucial to recognize that our daily practices of gratitude have broader social and political implications. Say I feel gratitude for access to clean air in Central Pennsylvania. I feel this gratitude because I grew up with asthma, and I know how hard it can be to breathe polluted air. I need not feel indebted to anyone for this clean air. Clean air is not a gift. I am grateful because clean air is necessary for life.
Same is true for clean water. There is currently, however, a potentially grave challenge to clean water in Centre County, Pennsylvania, where I live.
Looking through grateful eyes, attuned to the support necessary to live and thrive, I can recognize a threat to clean water as a personal threat. Though it is personal, it cannot be remedied alone. I must reach out to others who will also be affected, so that we can act together to manage it.
The takeaway of my book is that indebtedness is not the only way to relate. Examples like these prove that all of us are deeply dependent upon the material support of the earth, and that also speaks to our interconnectedness.
My resolution this year is therefore to practice the art of gratitude by imagining my life, and the world in which I live, as an opportunity, not a debt. I resolve to focus on what is necessary, and to work together with others to make it possible for all to live and to live well, because we live together. I hope that you will join me.
Jeremy David Engels, Sherwin Early Career Professor in the Rock Ethics Institute, and Associate Professor of Communication Arts and Sciences, Penn State
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous, unpremeditated act without benefit of experience.
~ Henry Miller
Are you ready to launch into the new year? I am! My affirmation is, “I’m Fully Alive In 2025.” Knowing that everything that is “fully alive” has a universal mandate to grow, I am extending an invitation to you to mindfully join me this year in declaring your intention to grow with me! I love metaphors and, therefore, the universe is always putting right before me whatever I need to be inspired and this morning was no exception.
As I stumbled into my kitchen pantry, craving my bowl of Granola, my foot brushed against a forgotten bag of potatoes. These spuds, neglected for weeks, had sprouted little alien-like appendages, valiantly attempting to grow despite their gloomy surroundings. Any potato enthusiast knows that these sprouts are a good sign—a sign of life, a vegetable’s way of saying, “Hey, I’m not done yet!” Even in the pitch-black of a pantry, these determined tubers were on a mission to grow. Sure, sunlight would speed up the process, but these spuds were content with their shadowy digs, quietly plotting their escape into the light beaming in under the pantry door.
And that’s where we come in. Believe it or not, we have a lot in common with these ambitious potatoes. Within each of us is a life-force that yearns to grow, even when things seem dark or uncertain. Unlike our potato pals, we like to pretend we have a say in the matter. We often wait for “ideal” conditions to make our move, preferring to know exactly where we’re “growing to.” Wouldn’t it be lovely if all our growth happened only during sunlit days, with rainbows, blue skies, green lights, butterflies, and a clear path ahead?
Alas, life’s not that considerate. Growth is inevitable, whether we like it or not. Even our darkest of times can’t stop it from having its way. The primary difference is that the potato has no choice in the matter, whereas it appears that we think we do. The universal imperative is “grow or die.” Ernest Holmes referred to It as the divine creative urge. Its unspoken message is “I have to be more tomorrow than I was yesterday.”
All living things are permeated with the life principle of expansion; energy perpetually pushing out. Our only choice is whether the growth happens consciously or unconsciously. Conscious growth stimulates conscious evolution because it responds to the light of inspiration in a proactive manner. Unconscious growth arises from pain and desperation as it responds to the darkness that surrounds us in a reactive manner. We become highly motivated when it hurts too much—or it’s too frightening to remain stagnate. The truth is, some of our most profound growth occurs during the darkest times. Potatoes don’t let a little darkness stop them, and mushrooms, well, they thrive in a pile of manure! Maybe Mother Nature is trying to tell us there is value in dark times.
THE TAKEAWAY: We don’t have to wait for perfect growing conditions in 2025—because they rarely exist. We can embrace our dark and uncertain moments this year by being teachable, and by inviting the infinite wisdom within us to reveal the lesson in each situation.
When we capture the natural momentum to grow, regardless of our motivation, our soul expands; that’s why we’re here—to evolve into the amazing beings we’re meant to be!
Remember, if the humble potato can manage it, so can we. And who knows, maybe one day, we’ll look back and realize that all those dark and challenging times were just part of the growing process—like the sprouted potato that dreams of becoming a French fry.
Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.
~Rumi
In the sacred pause between what was and what will be, as one year gently yields to another, we find ourselves at a crossroads of infinite possibility. This transition isn’t merely a turn of the calendar—it’s an invitation to venture deeper into the landscape of our own consciousness, to question not just our goals, but the very foundations of who we believe ourselves to be.
First, ask yourself: “What wounds am I ready to heal, and what wisdom have they offered?” Beneath our scars lie our greatest teachings. Perhaps you’ve been running from past hurts, using busyness as a shield, or wearing armor that’s grown too heavy. Consider how your challenges have shaped you, and which ones are now ready to be transformed from barriers into bridges.
Second, contemplate: “In what ways have I been sleepwalking through my own life?” We often move through our days on autopilot, missing the subtle whispers of our intuition and the gentle nudges of the universe. Look closely at your routines, relationships, and reactions. Where have you been present, and where have you been merely existing?
Third, explore: “What truth am I avoiding that’s asking to be heard?” Deep within, we usually know what needs to change. It might be a relationship that’s complete, a career that no longer aligns with our values, or a version of ourselves we’ve outgrown. What whispers have you been silencing, and what would happen if you finally listened?
Fourth, ponder: “How am I contributing to the collective awakening of humanity?” In an era of unprecedented global challenges and opportunities, our individual growth ripples out to affect the whole. Consider how your personal evolution might serve not just your own journey, but the greater tapestry of human consciousness and connection.
Finally, ask yourself: “What would love do?” Not the superficial love of greeting cards, but the profound love that encompasses wisdom, truth, and courage. How would your choices differ if you approached each decision, each interaction, each moment from this place of deeper awareness and compassion?
These questions aren’t meant to be answered quickly or lightly. They’re portals to deeper understanding, invitations to explore the territories of your soul that remain unmapped. Let them simmer in your consciousness, revealing their wisdom layer by layer.
As you cross the threshold into the new year, carry these questions like trusted companions. Create sacred space for reflection—perhaps in the pre-dawn quiet, or under the witness of the stars. Let them challenge your assumptions, dissolve your limitations, and guide you toward your highest expression. Remember, the questions we dare to ask ourselves become the compass points of our evolution.
What territories within yourself will you dare to explore this coming year?
Editor’s Note: Enjoy our evolving Exploring Our Shared Humanity Series HERE
“Will you forgive me?” asks community leader Sean Goode. He proposes that the promise of forgiveness before wrongdoing — what he calls “unapologetic grace” — can empower people to share their truths and create space to bridge our differences.
What makes for a meaningful life? Social psychologist Brian S. Lowery explores three ideas tied to the experience of meaning and shows why simply pursuing personal achievements isn’t the best way to find it.
No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.
— Aesop
In a world that often feels disconnected and impersonal, a simple act of vulnerability can spark a chain reaction of compassion that reminds us of our shared humanity. This is the story of Emma, a young girl whose heartfelt cry for connection touched the hearts of an entire community and teaches us all a valuable lesson about the power of empathy and reaching out.
Emma’s story begins with a poignant message, scrawled on a piece of wood and left in a local park: “To be honest, I’m sad. Nobody ever wants to hang out with me, and I have lost the only person that listens. I cry every day.” These words, raw and honest, were a silent plea for understanding and companionship in a world that felt increasingly isolating.
But what happened next demonstrates the incredible capacity for kindness that exists within our communities. When a passerby discovered Emma’s note, she didn’t simply read it and walk away. Instead, she was moved to action. Armed with sidewalk chalk, she returned to the park and invited others to leave messages of support for Emma. The response was overwhelming. Dozens of students from a nearby school took the time to write words of encouragement and love. “We love you,” one message read. “You are beloved,” declared another. These simple phrases, written in colorful chalk on the park’s pathways, created a vibrant tapestry of support for a girl they had never met but with whom they deeply empathized.
The school principal’s words capture the essence of this beautiful gesture: “This is one little way that we can reach out and maybe help fill [her void]. She represents all of us because, at some point in time, we have all or will all experience sadness and suffering.” In recognizing Emma’s pain as a universal human experience, the community transformed a moment of isolation into an opportunity for connection and healing.
Emma’s story challenges us to be more aware of those around us who might be silently struggling. It encourages us to be the person who notices, cares, and takes action. Whether writing a supportive message, offering a listening ear, or simply being present for someone in need, we all have the power to make a difference in someone’s life. The power to make a difference is in our hands. Let’s use it wisely and generously, creating a world where no one feels as alone as Emma did that day in the park. Together, we can transform moments of sadness into opportunities for connection, healing, and hope.
In a world that can sometimes feel overwhelmingly large and impersonal, this story reminds us that acts of kindness, no matter how small, can create ripples of positive change that extend far beyond our immediate circle.
Join us in spreading positivity. Let’s flood the world with stories that uplift, inspire, and remind us of the inherent goodness in all of us. Together, we can create a brighter future, one act of kindness at a time.
CLICK TO SHARE YOUR STORY OF HUMANKINDNESS WITH THE UNIVERSE
What moments of human goodness have you witnessed this week, this month, or this year that have touched your heart or renewed your faith in humanity? CLICK ABOVE and tell us about those moments so we can spread the warmth of goodness across the universe by adding your story to our global HUMANKINDNESS Showcase.
While waiting for a train at a station in Atlanta, Georgia, a young man wearing dress pants and a button-down shirt sat on a bench. As he struggled with his tie, an older woman encouraged her husband to help. When the elderly man hunched over and began teaching the young man how to knot the tie, a stranger took a photo of the trio. When this photo went viral online, many viewers left comments about the power of random acts of kindness.
In a world filled with darkness, let us be the light.
Imagine a news cycle where headlines are filled not with tragedy, but with triumph. A world where stories of kindness are as commonplace as the morning sunrise. Instead of being bombarded with negativity, what if we were inspired daily by tales of everyday heroes, selfless acts, and communities coming together to make a difference?
Let’s flip the script. Let’s choose to focus on the good. Let’s be the change we want to see in the world. By sharing stories of compassion, we can ignite a spark of hope in others, reminding them that humanity is capable of incredible acts of love and kindness.
Join us in spreading positivity. Let’s flood the world with stories that uplift, inspire, and remind us of the inherent goodness in all of us. Together, we can create a brighter future, one act of kindness at a time.
CLICK TO SHARE YOUR STORY OF HUMANKINDNESS WITH THE UNIVERSE
What moments of human goodness have you witnessed this week, this month, or this year that have touched your heart or renewed your faith in humanity? CLICK ABOVE and tell us about those moments so we can spread the warmth of goodness across the universe by adding your story to our global HUMANKINDNESS Showcase.
Editor’s Note: Enjoy our evolving *Exploring Our Shared Humanity Series HERE*
Uncertainty is massively de-stabilizing to the nervous system. Us humans like predictability – which is why we like to categorize people, by their job, marital status, ethnicity, city of birth, political party affiliation, gender etc.
The last few months (and years) have been hugely unstable for many people. The extreme weather decimated communities, the extreme polarity in politics, and the beginning of the awakening by many of the extraordinary disparities between people when you categorize us according to the census—races/ ethnicities/ genders/ city & state—perhaps you feel that too.
This uncertainty has, in many cases, created loss for many people: jobs, relationships, homes, and communities. What amplifies the loss is the lack of ritual to mark the transition.
This is called ambiguous loss.This is the kind of loss that occurs without closure or clear understanding, such as when someone you have been communicating with ghosts you, and you don’t know whether it’s because they found a better option or you offended them somehow.
The thing about ambiguity is that you create potential answers, or play out scenarios of things that you would like to say or do, as you try to create clarity and understanding. And this slows down your grieving and complicates the healing process. We get stuck in what I like to call the “subjective swirl” in our own heads. And this plays out in our energy body & consumes our limited time, energy, and focus.
Ambiguous loss can create anxiety, confusion, and chronic sorrow.
Emotions are energy in motion – e-motion. An emotion has a lifespan of about 90 seconds. However, this is where things get sticky. It is really easy for this emotion to get stuck & not disperse through your system rather than getting stuck. When that happens the emotion becomes a mood. Moods can last for hours to days, to weeks, to months, to years. And then, at some point, these moods become your personality. And then shifting becomes much harder.
Our brains are designed to be efficient – creating automation is one of the ways that our brains reduce energetic output. Our brains work in tandem with all the other systems that comprise us – eleven in total. For example, the hormonal system. If we habitually react to adrenaline to complete tasks – it can be hard to complete tasks without adrenaline. As a sidebar – this is something that people like me, who have ADHD do – we create adrenaline due to the low levels of dopamine that we naturally produce. The adrenaline (like coffee, Adderall etc) gives us the fire to take action. Another example could include working to retrain your most habitual response to stress – fight-flight-faun-freeze responses.
So, how do we process ambiguous loss?There are of course many options that can support this, for example, exercise, conversations with friends, and various forms of therapy, including talk therapies, EFT (tapping), EMDR, plant-based medicines, etc. I am also a huge fan of finding and practicing tools that I can institute on my own, and repeat, reflect on and rely on, and then use in these other spheres of support.
I am going to share my THREE favorite tools for processing and managing ambiguous loss.
1 – DIALOG JOURNALING
This is a style of journaling that helps you play out the ambiguity.
- Take a moment to identify the person you would like to communicate with, who played a significant role in your experience of ambiguous loss. If it’s not clear yet, follow the steps below and see who emerges.
- Grab a notebook and pen and set it next to you.
- Close your eyes, get grounded. Either crossed legs or sitting in a chair ground with your feet, sit up straight and lengthen your exhales for a few minutes.
- Allow a soothing place in nature to emerge in your mind’s eye – and start to walk along the path that emerges in front of you.
- Notice someone walking towards you on the path.
- As you start to see the features of the person walking towards you, notice that this is the person who you did not have a resolved interaction with (note – the person can be living or dead). Look at them, see them, feel them.
- Open your eyes, take your notebook, and have a conversation with this person: Your initial: “…..” Their initial: “…..” Repeat. For example:
- You: Why did you never respond to that last text?
- Person X: I felt uncomfortable and ashamed
- You: I was deeply hurt by your silence & lack of explanation
- Person X: etc…
You are literally writing out a conversation with this person.
When you are finished read through and write a summary statement with any observations. THIS STEP IS KEY to providing an extra level of objectivity to your observations. You might notice the emotional valence of the dialog – sadness, hurt, anger. You can release this into the universe – by burning the piece of paper. You can use your revelations to reach out to them, if that feels good, you can take this to your next therapy appointment, or you can do some more journaling about what you concluded.
You can use this technique with people from your past too – perhaps a family member, ex-lover, or ex-boss who you have some residual and unresolved feelings toward.
2 – CREATE YOUR OWN RITUAL
Rituals are practices that have been lost by many cultures. Whether they are coming of age – the red tent, bar mitzvah, quinceanera or mark a transition in life like a baptism, retirement party, a wake.. All these events have an energy of transitioning from one state, one place, one energetic frame to another. And as humans, they help us with the grief, the mourning, the excitement and all the emotions in between that are often ignored by our society,
When I got divorced nine years ago, I was really struck by the legal aspect of the ending, standing there in court, which in Ohio has such a vile patriarchal thrust because ALL women are asked if they are pregnant (even if you’re 90 years old or you have been separated for years) as part of the process. It felt hollow and failed to acknowledge the beauty that had come out of the marriage – my three children. Also, it only focused on the ending, not the beginning – my re-entry back into the world again, as a whole person – because I refused to buy into the “better half” narrative.
The first ritual was one that I repeated for the next eight years. I committed to having a party for me and my three babies every year on my wedding anniversary. I would bake a cake and celebrate THEM, because without my marriage, they would not exist. Now that day just passes me by without much awareness or reflection.
The second ritual I participated in was a one-off event – a friend of mine organized a divorce party. It was similar to a bachelorette party (AKA Hen Party if you’re a Brit). It was a combination of food, dancing, strippers, silly gifts and celebration of the next stage of my life. I was 39 when I got divorced – so a lot of life ahead of me!
3 – MEDITATION – loving-kindness or tonglen
There are two really useful meditations that I have been practicing for well over a decade and are really helpful when you want to shift the sad or angry energy regarding a person or group of people.
Tonglen is a process of absorbing the pain of others and transmuting it. This practice requires you to be feeling strong enough to absorb the pain of others, so don’t do this if you’re feeling emotionally battered. I have done this for people who are dying – either sitting with them and far away. I have done this for groups of people during times of extreme stress.
- Sit quietly, and think about who you would like to do this for – it could be a person, a group of people, the whole world
- Start your meditation practice by taking your seat: closed eyes, chin parallel to the ground, firm seat, erect posture, hands relaxed in lap, legs crossed or feet on the floor
- After a few minutes of quiet breathing, bring your attention to your heart center & see it start to energize as a bright, golden healing center
- Exhale all your air and then inhale all the pain of the person/ people you have chosen. Imagine it is dark, heavy smoke that you inhale through all your pores and into your heart center
- The bright, golden healing light transmutes the smoke and you exhale that bright healing light
- Keep going for as long as you feel able!
Loving-kindness
This is a practice which I was taught in 2008. In December 2012 my Buddhist teacher, a nun, had us practice this for the Sandy Hook events. The twist was we were to do this for the shooter, not the families. We found this really hard, but she suggested that the way to heal the world was to work with the harder emotions, our feelings towards people who had hurt us, hurt others and behaved in destructive, abusive ways.
What I have noticed over the years of teaching this practice is the throb of emotions as they play across the faces of those I am teaching – sometimes the tears, the tightening of the jawlines.
- Start your meditation practice by taking your seat: closed eyes, chin parallel to the ground, firm seat, erect posture, hands relaxed in lap, legs crossed or feet on floor. This practice helps you move through your different emotions toward people.
- Start by envisioning someone you LOVE. Let their image appear in front of you – see their clothes, eyes, and expressions. Feel them.
Then say to them:
May you be happy
May you be healthy
May you be safe
May you feel at ease
Let that image disperse.
- Next, envision someone who is NEUTRAL to you. Let their image appear in front of you – see their clothes, eyes, and expressions. Feel them
Then say to them:
May you be happy
May you be healthy
May you be safe
May you feel at ease
Let that image disperse.
- Then envision someone who you HATE or DISLIKE intensely. Let their image appear in front of you – see their clothes, eyes, and expressions. Feel them
Then say to them:
May you be happy
May you be healthy
May you be safe
May you feel at ease
Let that image disperse.
If you continue with this practice you will notice that people might move between the categories. Someone who is neutral today might become someone you love. Someone who you hate might become neutral. The way we categorize people is essentially being challenged too. What most people report – and I have personally experienced, is that when I work with a very challenging individual in the hate category, their power over my emotions diminishes.
So my lovelies if you are experiencing ambiguous loss at the moment, know that you are not alone. There are many of us here who feel it and are holding your tender heart.
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to criticize yourself? We do it almost without thinking. “I’m not good enough at this,” or “I’ll never get it right.” It’s like there’s a constant critic lurking in the background, ready to belittle our efforts. But here’s the thing: how often do we stop and celebrate our small wins or speak kindly to ourselves?
Today, I invite you to take a moment to become aware of how you’re speaking to yourself. Are you quick to criticize, or are you kind and supportive, like you would be to a dear friend?
In our fast-paced world, it can feel almost unnatural to show ourselves love and appreciation. But just like any other relationship, your relationship with yourself needs nurturing. Mindfulness is a powerful tool that helps us tune into this inner dialogue. When we become aware of how often we’re tearing ourselves down, we can begin to shift our inner voice toward self-compassion.
Jenn’s Story
One of my clients, Jenn, shared her journey through this process:
“I recently completed the 90-Day Rewire & Radiate program. Nancy taught me how to see my truth and be set free. I became a witness, without judgment or expectation, to my thoughts, moods, feelings, and actions. Where I once felt stuck, I learned to move. Where I felt confused, clarity arose. Where I was lost, I was found. It sounds big and mystical as I write this, but the process is simple and available to everyone. Nancy makes self-exploration feel like an adventure. I am forever changed.”
Jenn’s words are a testament to the power of becoming aware of our inner critic. The moment we become witnesses to our own thoughts, without judgment, we create the space to shift from self-loathing to self-love.
Notice Your Triggers
The first step is awareness. Take a moment to reflect: What triggers your inner critic? Is it when you make a mistake at work? When you look in the mirror? Or perhaps when you’re around certain people?
Once you recognize these triggers, practice responding with kindness instead of criticism. You might say, “It’s okay, everyone makes mistakes,” or “I’m doing the best I can.” These small shifts in how we talk to ourselves can make a world of difference.
Cultivating Self-Love: Simple Mindfulness Practices
Here are three ways you can start turning down the volume on that inner critic and fostering a mindset of self-love:
- Pause and Reflect: When you catch yourself being critical, pause. Take a deep breath. Then ask yourself, “Would I speak to my best friend this way?” Shift your tone toward compassion.
- Daily Gratitude: Start a practice of writing down three things you appreciate about yourself every day. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but over time, you’ll begin to see yourself in a more positive light.
- Mantras for Self-Compassion: Use affirmations like, “I am enough,” or “I am worthy of love,” especially during challenging moments. Repeating these phrases helps to rewire the mind and soften the inner critic.
Be Your Own Best Friend
Remember, self-love is not a luxury; it’s essential. You deserve the same kindness you so freely give to others. If you’re struggling to quiet that inner voice, I’m here to help.
The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it.
―J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
Remember when dandelions were magical wish-makers, not weeds? When cardboard boxes transformed into spaceships and blanket forts held infinite possibilities? Somewhere between mortgage payments and Monday meetings, we misplaced our ability to see wonder in the ordinary.
My wife Ali and I rediscovered our wonder on the Camino de Santiago (see more about our transformational pilgrimage below) not long ago, as we spent countless hours walking amongst glorious nature, paying close attention to the splendor of it all. Each morning brought new fields of poppies, their delicate red petals dancing against the Spanish sky. As we progressed along the ancient pilgrim path, we noticed the poppy fields gradually disappearing until they vanished altogether. This slow farewell awakened something in us: a childlike curiosity about nature’s rhythms and mysteries that we’d long forgotten in our busy lives. We wondered; Was it the changing season that brought about their demise? Did the soil become infertile for poppies to thrive?
Navigating Our “Way” Back – With A Million Steps Forward
Wonder What Happened to Wonder?We’ve traded fairy tales for Facebook feeds, and cloud-gazing for cloud storage. Our thumbs scroll endlessly through digital landscapes while real flowers bloom and wither outside our windows, unnoticed and uncelebrated. The poppies still dance in the breeze, but we’ve forgotten how to see them dance.
This isn’t just nostalgia speaking – it’s a call to reclaim something precious we’ve lost. Wonder isn’t childish; it’s the spark that ignites creativity, fuels discovery and makes life worth living. Einstein himself said imagination is more important than knowledge, yet we’ve created a world that values spreadsheets over stargazing.
We carry inside us the wonders we seek outside us.
—Rumi
The good news? Wonder isn’t gone – it’s just sleeping. Like a muscle, it can be strengthened with use. Start small: spend five minutes really looking at a flower, tracing its petals, imagining its journey from seed to bloom. Listen to rainfall as if it’s music. Draw terrible pictures with your non-dominant hand and laugh at the results. Build a fort, even if you’re 45 and your coworkers would think you’re crazy.
So, where have all the poppies gone? They have followed the natural course of life – growing, blooming, fading, and making way for what comes next. Their brief but brilliant existence reminds us to live fully, love deeply, and leave behind seeds of kindness and wisdom for those who will come after us.
The world hasn’t become less magical – we’ve just stopped looking for the magic. It’s still there in morning dew and midnight stars, in the perfect spiral of a snail’s shell and the impossible flight of bumblebees. It’s in the way trees know winter won’t last forever and in the courage of sidewalk dandelions pushing through concrete.
Our sense of wonder isn’t lost – it’s waiting to be rediscovered, one small miracle at a time.
In a world that often feels divided, wonder connects us all – the parent watching their child’s first steps, the scientist peering through a telescope, the artist mixing colors until they glow. When we embrace wonder, we embrace our shared humanity. We just need to learn to see it again, together.
Will you join me? Let’s be explorers again. Let’s turn off our phones and turn on our imagination. Let’s teach our children – and remind ourselves – that the most precious things in life can’t be bought or sold, only discovered with open eyes and hopeful hearts.
The poppies are still dancing. We just need to learn to see them again.
Editor’s Note: Enjoy our evolving Exploring Our Shared Humanity Series HERE
Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows.
~ Michael Landon
We’ve all heard the saying, “Life is too short not to enjoy it today” but we seldom take time to personalize the deeper meaning. It’s like the universe’s way of saying, “Hey, you! Time’s a ticking—so quit procrastinating!” Years ago, this sentiment hit home for me personally while conducting a memorial service for a young man who left the planet suddenly and far too early. People at the gathering shared heartfelt stories, some funny, some tearful, and others regretfully lamented he didn’t get to surf the Great Barrier Reef in Australia—something he always dreamt of doing.
This event got me to thinking, and it changed the arc of my life to a point that “no regrets” became my mantra. Now, when my last day on Earth comes, I’m very clear I don’t want to be the one left holding the bag regretfully saying, “Dang … if I had only known, I would have spent fewer hours at the office, taken that trip to Thailand, learned to skydive and salsa dance, written that next book, studied French, adopted that dog, or run that marathon.” Seriously, I don’t want to be the person who spent so much time in the office that my computer gets more face time with me than my own family.
The takeaway for me is as clear as a crisp winter day in Big Sky. Michael Landon’s quote is accurate, except for one thing: there is no limitation on our tomorrows because, as a spoiler alert, tomorrow does not exist—never has and never will! It’s the world’s biggest mirage, a cosmic prank. We can sit around waiting for “tomorrow” until the cows come home (and trust me, sometimes cows take their sweet time), but when tomorrow arrives, guess what? It’s still today! Then what? More of the same old, same old?
So, here’s the million-dollar question: What have we been putting off until “tomorrow”? And why are we waiting any longer?
Life’s too short for “business as usual.” Go ahead, take that trip, adopt that dog, dye our hair the color of a rainbow, and learn French (even if the only thing we ever say is “Oui, oui, croissant!”). Just do it now before we all end up with more regrets than a bad haircut the day before the big prom.
Peace, Dennis Merritt Jones, DD
Learning to love takes time, sometimes a long time. Sometimes we feel crushed and like we can’t rise up again, but Antoinette Pienaar’s wish for humanity is for all to know that we are never completely dead inside. Life can begin again. Mother Nature teaches us the truth of our resilience and is there to help us.
In this film, she wants humanity to remember these words: Open your heart like a flower. Don’t lose hope. Give yourself water for your soul and you will rise up again just like the plants in the South African desert where she lives. In the process of opening our hearts and releasing the energy of sadness, anger, and fear, and even breaking apart inside, we are letting go of that which deadens us and dries up our inner landscape. This desolation from a life of artificiality and stress keeps us from living life fully. By letting go of our dis-ease, we can be well again.
If we are willing to take the inroads given to us—many that are unknown and unasked for, we can find peace in the end—and even along the way. This is Antoinette Pienaar’s wish for humanity: to let go of all that keeps us from living real lives of love. Not the romantic, Hollywood kind of love but the love that is quiet, powerful, and true, and takes time to grow. It is to experience reality in the beauty of a life without expectations or judgments.
There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people . . . religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin!
—Linus Van Pelt
In the whimsical world of Peanuts, Linus Van Pelt’s unwavering belief in the Great Pumpkin, a mythical figure who delivers pumpkins to good children on Halloween night, often led to ridicule. Yet, his simple faith in the extraordinary serves as a poignant metaphor for our own divided world.
While the Great Pumpkin may be a fictional character, the other two topics Linus avoids – religion and politics – are very real and often contentious. These subjects have the power to ignite passionate debates, deepen existing divisions, and even tear apart relationships.
The rise of social media has only exacerbated this problem. With the click of a button, we can connect with people from all over the world and engage in discussions on a wide range of topics. However, this increased connectivity has also led to an increase in polarization, as people tend to surround themselves with like-minded individuals and dismiss opposing viewpoints.
It’s important to remember that we all have different perspectives, and it’s okay to disagree. However, we must strive to have respectful and constructive conversations, even when we disagree.
By listening to each other, seeking common ground, and avoiding personal attacks, we can bridge divides and work together to create a more harmonious society.
A Call For UnityLet’s commit to fostering understanding and empathy, even in the face of disagreement. Together, we can build a world where diverse perspectives are valued and respected. Let’s break down barriers and embrace the power of human connection.
Editor’s Note: Enjoy our evolving Exploring Our Shared Humanity Series HERE
I am pretty sure I am not alone in this feeling, but I hate driving in congested traffic. I dislike this experience so much that I have even moved to another neighborhood to avoid it. I cannot think of anyone I know who enjoys being stuck in traffic. I am positive if I did find someone who enjoyed it, I would have him committed. So, if you enjoy being stuck in traffic jams, better not tell me because as a clinical social worker, I have the professional license and ability to have you locked up! Straitjackets anyone? “I love traffic jams and rush hour,” said no one ever!
The only perk of being stuck in traffic, for me, has been observing other people. Many years ago, I had an opportunity to see something unique. I was on a three-lane highway headed home in the evening rush hour. Traffic was crawling along, but we were moving. Ahead of me was a sharp-looking convertible with a driver who was obviously in a hurry. He was jerking in and out of lanes, switching every few minutes. I had chosen to be in the left-hand lane and was slowly crawling forward. He kept switching. The traffic was going so slowly that I could not help but watch him and his reactions. What happened over time on this long commute home surprised me and angered him. The more he switched lanes, the farther back he got. So, I literally caught up and was even with him. Then, as he continued to swerve in and out of lanes, he moved farther back. Soon, he was no longer beside me, but farther behind me
Now I was spying on his antics in my rear-view mirror. He continued to move back and forth, in and out, slowly getting so far behind me that I could no longer watch him. Eventually, I moved forward and never saw him again. The experience, however, left a mark on me and helped me to learn an important lesson about life. Often in life, we confuse movement with progress. Like this anxious driver, we are moving, but we are really going nowhere fast. We don’t always recognize this phenomenon when it is happening because we are stuck on the fact that we are moving. I don’t know, but it seemed this man was completely unaware of his lack of progress. It was obvious to me. Yet perhaps he noticed and thought if he continued his effort, it would eventually help him. Maybe he was chasing his losses and thinking, “This time I will break free and really move forward.” I can only imagine his thinking and feeling. Nevertheless, he was not moving forward despite his frantic efforts to do so.
How often do we find ourselves approaching life in the same way this driver approached the evening rush hour?
We get to moving in a certain direction. Yet, we are not realizing the objectives we had intended with that movement. I have seen many people desperately trying to change their own behaviors or the behavior of a family member, and the actions they are taking are not moving them forward.
The best example I can think of was one time when I was talking to a mother frustrated with her daughter. She lamented having her daughter not respond to her efforts to correct her behavior. She described all kinds of movements. She said she had tried rewards, incentives, bribes, taking away privileges, lectures, and more recently, she had resorted to yelling and threats.
She agonized over the lack of progress and noted feelings of being completely out of control because of her frustration. She disclosed being afraid she might even do something she would regret. She told me it had not always been this way, and she was frantic to discover how to get things back on track. This fear is what prompted her to seek assistance from me. She was at her wit’s end. After spending enough time with her to assess what was going on and validate her emotions and level of distress, I began to inquire more about what was happening. I was looking for some examples of the supposedly intractable problem.
The central issue she wanted to discuss was getting her daughter to clean her room. She told me she used to be able just to ask and her daughter would respond. She was even cheerful. Then, as the daughter got older, asking did not seem to work anymore. So, Mom “turned up the volume.” When her daughter did not respond right away, Mom said she started getting busy with all these approaches to help her daughter get her room clean. Now she felt she had exhausted all her options. No amount of effort could produce the desired result. All this movement was not moving her and her daughter’s relationship forward. Or so she thought. I then asked her the key question, “When does your daughter clean her room?
She surprised me with her reply, “Oh, she always cleans her room for me.” I queried “I don’t understand.” She said, “She will clean it for me if I ask her, but I don’t want to have to ask her!” Then she added that she wanted her daughter not only to clean her room without being asked, but “to be happy about it.” Again, in frustration, she whined, “I just don’t know what to do!”
“So, are you telling me your daughter will clean her room 100 percent of the time if you just ask her?”
“Yes! Every time! It is terrible! I want her to do it on her own and not complain about it!”
I prodded a little now. I asked her whether she would be willing to look at this a little bit differently and consider changing her present course of action. I told her I believed her actions were getting her nowhere fast. She was upset and her daughter was upset. Neither liked the result. We agreed one of the primary objectives was to get the room clean and have her daughter be responsible. She also admitted that her daughter might never become cheerful about this chore.
The next thing I said to her surprised her so much that I almost chuckled at her reaction. “So if your daughter will clean her room every time you ask her, would you be willing to consider this a great success and just learn to be okay with asking?”
I reminded her of how high a success rate every time was and praised her obvious good parenting. I talked to her about how nice it would be if children did things because they liked to and wanted to do them, but perhaps that goal was not realistic for a teenager. She was astounded.
“I never thought of it that way! I guess I have not really been getting anywhere with the other approach.”
She left the appointment boosted in mood and did not come back. This session was one of the few times when I have only had to meet with someone one time. Once she realized her approach was getting her nowhere fast, she quickly changed and moved forward.
So if you find yourself not making progress, the answer may not be to add more movement. Slow down or even stop. Look around and determine where you really want to go and how you are going about getting there. Evaluate your movements, and if they are not producing positive change or growth, try something else. If you are seemingly going nowhere fast, stop moving until you are sure the movement is causing you to go forward.
I grew up in London.
I had to wear a school uniform until I was 16 which was actually really helpful in terms of reducing the daily panic about what to wear.
But I felt it – both the pulse of “Am I fashionable?” and the pulse of rebelliousness – towards society, expectations, and my parents. I even actuated that feeling by buying a belt in the early 90s with the word REBEL in brass. I still wear the belt and honor the concept as both a verb and a noun.
I saved up for a year for a classic black leather biker jacket when I was a freshman in high school. With a pixie cut (as a result of a summer of dying my hair 4 colors and swimming in chlorinated pools), 501s & my black leather biker jacket I wanted to look like George Michael in his “Faith” years. I was deeply upset when I was misgendered – and somewhat confused by it because I have hips and a small waist! I am now confident in how I express myself & identify as heteroflexible.
I remember discovering the ability to personify different identities with thrift store shopping as a young teen – which we called going to the Charity Shop in 80s and 90s London. I found this delicious raspberry suede jacket, with gray fur at the collar and hemline. I blew most of my allowance on it & still have it! Putting on a piece of clothing that feels so markedly different is an energetic stance that I play with around archetypes. I put on the “jacket” of the archetype when I want to embody a particular energy in a situation.
My clothes tell a story of my relationships with others.
What I remember most about my clothing purchases – which are often tied to travel, people, and special moments – is how they made me feel. One of my favorite jackets is an awesome 1970s ski jacket I bought in a vintage store in the Marais, Paris in 1996 because it wouldn’t zip over my fellow backpacker’s massive chest, but luckily would zip over my more modest rack! I can still remember her frustration and eventual sigh when she saw how it fit me like a glove and my first deeply contented awareness that having smaller boobs was actually a boon!
I realized when I was relatively young that I had a certain energy that people would orient towards. I couldn’t articulate it. My grandmother called me sunshine – she was a remarkable human who experienced being orphaned, being abused, being helped to run away, becoming a WW2 nurse, having a 60+ year romance with my grandfather, extreme physical trials living in Africa but ALWAYS re-orienting to and from the power of love.
She was witchy in the best way – “darling I would have been burned at the stake if I had been born 400 years ago.” She was psychic and feisty & as her firstborn’s first born she and I had a bond that was unlike anything I have experienced with any other human.
Her love and belief in me (and all her family) and her ability to see things before they happened gave me – a child raised in an intellectual home of a psychoanalyst & educator – the ease of dancing between the worlds of science and magic. I knew how to be noticed by playing with my energy – I could increase or decrease my energetic presence. I knew how to hide or disappear by playing with my energy. And as a young person, I ascribed a lot of that to my clothing, not to my energy.
Now I recognize their subtle interweaving. How I dress is intimately tied to my energy.
During the pandemic I decided to break a multi-decade mindset about my legs: that they were functional but unshapely enough to not be available for public consumption when bare (unless I was swimming or they were swathed in leggings, stockings, etc).
This mindset was affirmed by a deeply loving family member who, when I complained about my “tree trunk” legs as a teen said, “You have a lovely face, and it’s much easier to hide your legs than your face.” It was meant with love. I took it as proof that my bare legs were probably best hidden. I became a master of long flowing skirts, flirty long dresses & of course knee high boots & thick tights!
Summer 2020, I raided the Tupperwares of old clothes from my kids, grabbed a few pairs of old jeans my sons had outgrown, and chopped them into shorts. And then I started walking around my neighborhood. And I felt the breeze on my legs.
Oh, the joy – the breeze on my bare skin felt so amazing. I hadn’t walked around in public with my legs bare in decades.
And when people looked at me, I smiled back, inhibiting my desire to apologize for wearing shorts (hello conditioning)! One day it was raining.
It was fall 2020 and the realization that COVID wasn’t going anywhere soon was thrumming through the news, the social media outlets I followed, and the fact that I hadn’t seen my family in England for nearly a year (we usually go about 3 months). The human toll was sitting heavy with me. My family was struggling. But, I had committed to walking 11,000 steps a day.
And I decided to embody the energy of one of my most beloved friends Harri who has a quotation that she lives by:
Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning how to dance in the rain.
I put on shorts, and a rain jacket and danced around the streets of my neighborhood. Oh – and the response I got was so lovely – cars honking at me, people smiling at me. It felt like a good day.
What I now know is that for me there is a divine chemistry between how I dress and how I show up energetically.
When I am wavering in my emotional state, but am going into a space where I want to show up as myself, in all my glory – I like to be seen and am intentional in my dress. Summer 2023 I pushed that to the extreme by going to a big LGBTQIA+ summer gala event dressed as Madonna in her gold cone bra outfit era. And I rocked it.
TAMSIN AT 17 –––––––––––––––———––––––––––––––––––––––––TAMSIN AT 47As a young person, I would often dress in such extreme ways—green velvet tailcoat, top hat made from paisley print, striped leggings, Doc Martens or fishnet stockings, wedge-heeled platforms, flared denim A-line mini-skirt, an old shirt of my dad’s knotted at my waist—that my mum would ask me to walk 30 feet away from her because I looked so crazy.
And what is so funny about that is that I took it as a point of pride – like YES – I had so deeply created a look that made NO sense to her, but made deep sense to me and my energy body.
When I started getting on more stages as a speaker, I hired someone to help me sort out my clothes and figure out some key outfits for traveling as a speaker. My clothes fell into three silos: workout, mother of active kids, and wedding-funeral clothing, none of which I wanted to wear on stage! This required me to get over another mindset – that spending time and money and energy on how I looked was vain, not worthy, indulgent. I grew up in a home where my mum cut my hair, and I was encouraged not to wear make-up. That WHO I was on the inside was way more important than WHAT I looked like.
Traci did a few things that were really interesting.
First, she dug into my style, getting clarity on the fact that I was never going to be a black pantsuit with loafers kind of person!
Second, she did a skin tone analysis to tell me which were my color tones (super interesting – I had been doing a lot of that wrong).
Third, she told me that a lot of what I had been mostly wearing for the last few decades was wrong for my body shape (think leggings, long boxy tops, boots – hey I grew up in the 90s – that was a staple look)! She told me to wear things with small tight waists to emphasize my hourglass figure and told me to wear skirts/ shorts above the knee or at the ankle so my leg length was emphasized.
Since this wide-legged jean look has come back into fashion, I have tried on these jeans in all price ranges and kinds of stores because I LOVE how they look on people and I am nothing if not persistent. But every style/ brand/ leg length I have tried on looks the same. The widest part of my legs – my thighs – are exaggerated and I look crap.
In the past, this would have made me feel fat/annoyed/fill in the negative self-talk word.
Now, I revel in the fact that I don’t FIT into the current style. Why? Because style comes and goes, and I KNOW what suits me now.
And, because I know that the chemistry of what I wear with my energy is really what it’s about. So working on my energy is one of the most vital parts of this whole process.
I love my body.
I love how I dress.
And I know how it elevates what I do and how I show up in the world.
As the lyrics go in the 1967 song “White Rabbit” performed by Grace Slick and recorded by Jefferson Airplane – “Remember what the dormouse said – feed your head – feed your head.” Those lyrics may mean different things to different people and nothing at all to some. I interpret the meaning to be about the kinds of thoughts I feed my head: thoughts that may lead to certain triggers and thoughts about what beliefs I choose to create that may, in turn, shift my perspective, either positively or negatively.
What choice do I have at that intersecting moment where I can choose to react or respond? I could react to my triggers and say or do something I may later regret, or I can take a breath, walk away, and choose to put some space between myself and my response. It is a very simple process in theory, and yet, for most, not easy.
On July 5, 2023, my husband and I received the phone call that no parent ever wants to receive. Our 40-year-old amazing, loving son had been in a motorcycle accident and did not survive. A word does not exist to describe what it is like to lose a child. And one year later as we continue to navigate through our grief, I know one thing for certain.
Amid life’s experiences, we have choices. We can choose to be “bitter” or “better.” At our weakest moments, when we’re brought to our knees, we must set boundaries, and identify barriers, and triggers that mess with emotions and challenge beliefs.
Do we wait for the moment when we fall to our knees? No, we begin now.
Challenging beliefs, practicing compassion, communicating with clarity, being open to change, and practicing consistency with self and others is a good starting point.
Begin your life change now and transcend to the peace that is waiting for you in the eye of life’s stormiest moments.
Remember what the dormouse said – “Feed Your Head”. Think of what you’re feeding your head, and you may avoid the Rabbit Hole!!!
Grief changes shape, but it never ends.
~ Keanu Reeves
Have you ever felt trapped in a dark hallway of grief, torn between the pain of loss and the hope that lies beyond what you see? Having lost both parents, an older sister, several close friends, and my beloved dog in the past few years, I’ve discovered grief can feel like both a curse and a blessing simultaneously. It’s almost as if the universe is whispering, “Hey, you’re not alone in this…however, embarking on this journey through the valley of the shadow of death is necessary if you desire to maintain vitality, a sense of being alive, and connection to the wholeness that is your origin.”
Grief is an intensely personal journey and the journey never ends. With grace, our experience with grief will evolve. The crucial aspect is not to overpower or avoid grief, but to understand how to live alongside its presence. When someone we love makes their transition (including our pet), it leaves an emptiness that can feel unfillable. This void, however, is also a sacred space where we can hold the memory of that person or pet, allowing their essence to continue living within us.
One approach to coping with grief is to consider the process as a rite of passage that comes in waves. When we lose someone dear to us, it invites us to acknowledge and grieve the loss they represent—a loss that is unique and irreplaceable. We learn to value the role a person or pet played in our lives, recognizing their passing has forever changed us. This perspective can help us see how grief can tether us to that loved one in a boundless ocean of love, a connection surpassing physical presence. It is imperative to keep in mind that the sensation of isolation is purely a construct of our minds. In the grand continuum of life, we are all connected; there is only One of us here. The love and memories we shared with our lost ones are eternal. This belief can provide comfort and a sense of closeness, even in their physical absence. When grief arises, perceive its presence as a divine nudge—a reminder that our loved ones are as close to us as our own breath.
Grief is not one-dimensional; it’s about any significant change or loss that impacts us. It’s okay to grieve the loss of a lifestyle, a job, a home, or even a reputation.
By acknowledging these feelings, we can begin to heal and grow. Processing grief of any type involves engaging with life again, but with a deeper sense of purpose and meaning. Sometimes extending ourselves to others can bring instant relief and happiness. An act of service can help us find a new purpose and rediscover who we are. It’s a way to honor the memory of our loved ones by carrying their legacy forward.
It’s crucial to always remember the connection between grief and love as they both symbolize the depth of our connections. As we navigate through our grief, may we listen for the quiet voice declaring, “Hey, you’re not alone on this journey…”
Peace, Dennis Merritt Jones
A while back, I was on my morning walk when I saw a small dark form lying on the asphalt road. I didn’t know if it was debris or something else. Dread filled me as I inched closer to the still object. It was a bird, a finch I believe, lying on its side. At first, I thought it was dead, but as I ever so gently touched its feathers it moved. Its claws looked crushed and when I placed the bird on the ground and grass by the curb, it didn’t seem like it could move or even fly.
I had to make a decision. I knew the first action was correct, which was to pick the bird up and remove it from the street so a car couldn’t slam into the bird and cause further damage. Yet now what was I to do? If I left it on the ground it could be prey to violence and pain or death by other birds and animals or overzealous kids. If I took it away, I would be removing it perhaps from the familiar and from its ‘family.’
I decided to take it with me and cradled it in my palms gently stroking its feathers and speaking soothingly all the while as I walked back to my home. The bird seemed to be listening and hopefully, I was calming it. It didn’t seem to want to move. I also began doing energy work on it. Being an Energy Master Teacher is part of my skill set. I could feel the warmth from my palms flowing to the small feathery body as I lay my hands on its feathery form.
I knew I was going to give it water and bird food when I reached my house and that I was going to research refuge places that took injured birds/animals and helped them heal and return to their natural habitats. Or could I help this bird to recover by myself without causing further damage? I spoke to the bird, softly outlining my plan and saying I didn’t know what the outcome would be, however, I would try.
Whatever its destiny: life or death, I was going to make it as gentle, comfortable, and caring as I could.
On the way home, my neighbor Michael was sitting on his porch with his dog Chip. He saw me with my hands cupped against my chest carrying this small form and I asked him for help. Maybe he knew a local shelter or refuge where I could take the bird. Michael put his dog inside the house and began to walk down the steps toward us. And then something happened. The bird fluttered in my palms a few times and flew away. We both saw it fly so I didn’t imagine it.
Michael said, “Did you just heal that bird?” I answered, ‘I don’t know’ and we spoke of miracles. All I did know was that I was relieved that the bird could fly which was a sign that the bird was okay! Was it a miracle, did the energy work to heal the bird or was it just stunned from some horrific or damaging encounter before I arrived? I truly don’t know. Yet over the last few months and more so the last few weeks I’ve been having the most beautiful spiritual, maybe even mystical experiences. All I do know is that in some beautiful way, it was a blessing. You can decide for yourself what to make of it. Whatever it is; it was awesome!!
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
– Eleanor Roosevelt
Have you ever felt the electric anticipation of standing on the precipice of greatness? That tingling sensation when you know, deep in your bones, that everything you’ve worked for is about to crystallize into one perfect, shining instant?
Life is a tapestry of moments, but some burn brighter than others. These are the moments that define us, that separate who we are from who we could be. They’re the crossroads where potential meets opportunity, where dreams collide with reality, and where our truest selves emerge.
We all yearn for that transcendent second when we surpass our expectations when we break free from the shackles of self-doubt and soar beyond the boundaries we’ve set for ourselves. It’s in these fleeting, precious instants that we touch the face of our destiny and glimpse the infinite possibilities that lie within us.
But here’s the catch – these moments don’t just happen. They’re forged in the crucible of preparation, determination, and unwavering belief. They’re the culmination of countless hours of hard work, of tears shed and obstacles overcome. They’re the product of a spirit that refuses to be cowed by fear or limited by the expectations of others.
When that moment arrives, when you stand at the intersection of all your hopes and dreams, will you be ready? Will you seize it with both hands, your heart pounding with the realization that this is your time, your chance to leave an indelible mark on the world?
Remember, in that singular, breathtaking instant, the power lies within you. The answers, the choices, the outcome – they’re all up to you. It’s your moment to shine, to transcend, to touch eternity.
So I ask you: Are you prepared for your moment? Are you ready to become more than you ever thought possible? Your defining moment is coming. Embrace it, for in it, you’ll find the essence of what it truly means to be alive.
Editor’s Note: Enjoy our evolving Exploring Our Shared Humanity Series HERE
Do you believe you live in a friendly world?Take a moment to truly consider this question. The answer you find within yourself might reveal more than you think.
What we put into the universe, the universe mirrors back to us. It’s an ancient truth, woven into the fabric of existence: the law of cause and effect. There is no escaping it; it is the constant companion of our actions and thoughts. This law serves as our greatest teacher when we falter in love or friendliness, gently guiding us back to our true nature. And, when we embrace kindness and compassion, it becomes our protection, shielding us with the same grace we extend to others.
Reflect on this: What I give to others, I receive.
This is not merely a poetic notion, but a principle deeply rooted in the way our lives unfold. When we choose to offer love, understanding, and friendliness to the world, the universe responds in kind, filling our lives with those very qualities. Conversely, when we allow negativity or indifference to color our interactions, we often find those same energies reflected back at us.
As you move through your day, consider the energy you’re sending out into the world. Are you creating a friendly world for yourself and others?
Remember, every thought, word, and action is a seed planted in the universe, one that will grow and return to you in time.
So, let’s choose to plant seeds of love, kindness, and friendliness. In doing so, we cultivate a life and a world that nurtures those same values in return.
As a mother of a teen on the spectrum and educator, I always thought about ways school experiences can be a little more inclusive for these children. While in the USA autistic children have individualized educational plans to help them function in the educational system, these plans are not sufficient and are only a fraction of what these children truly need. Many autistic children face some serious issues. They often struggle academically because they tend to learn well only if they are interested in something. Therefore, they do not perform well in rigid curricula. They also struggle socially because their ways of making friends and interacting are a little bit different from the ways mainstream children engage.
After I observed my child’s growth as an autistic individual for almost 18 years and saw their amazing, caring personality, as well as many talents, it is hard to accept the definition of autism from the National Institute of Mental Health as a condition that is mostly seen as a deficit. For instance, in making friends, the National Institute of Mental Health states: “Difficulties sharing in imaginative play or in making friends.”
I would like to challenge this statement. Many autistic children are very social and actively seek to make friends. That’s how my child has always been. Kalina was actively and persistently looking for friendships by trying to engage other children in conversations in the ways Kalina knew, which are an integral part of their condition – initiating conversations by sharing interests. Therefore, saying that such children have difficulties in making friends implies that there is something wrong with the way they make friends.
The results of such a deficit perspective can be devastating for these children. My child was misunderstood, and they often came home defeated because they were unsuccessful with making friends. Making friends in their own, unconventional ways was seen as strange and annoying by other children. In addition, these dry definitions and listings leave an impression that these children need to be changed, intervened, and improved to fit the so-called norm.
When I think at a deeper level, I clearly see that it is not autistic children who are lacking. I think the problem is someplace else. The problem is that the definition of autism is formed from a perspective of a deficit and comparison to the mainstream, non-autistic children. Therefore, this definition is lacking itself because it is one-sided, lacks multiple perspectives, and is limited. In fact, this definition contributes to the way non-autistic populations see these children – through a limited lens.
How can we change school and classroom communities to help everybody see a child who engages in a conversation in different ways as not weird but resourceful and accessing the repertoire of their possibilities and creativity to make new friends, even if these ways of making new friends seem to be nonlinear and unconventional?
As an educator who also is involved in animal-assisted education, I conclude that including therapy animals in responsible, innovative, and creative ways might hold the answer to these issues. I have engaged in animal-assisted education for 6 years. About 4 years ago, together with an amazing teacher, we began to innovate in this area, which led to several quite profound discoveries I describe in my book on this innovation.
One of these discoveries is that if we engage in innovative and yet quite simple activities, we have the potential not only to improve children’s academic performance in every subject, including math, but we can also dramatically help special needs children because the inclusion of therapy animals in intentional ways allows us to build a new type of classroom communities. In this new type of classroom community, all children share something in common – a love for their therapy animal. This phenomenon can be the base for authentic implementation of activities on kindness and other important qualities that will help children include everybody in the community, no matter how different they are from the so-called norm.
One of our innovative activities including my therapy dog is about kindness. We asked the children to describe how Carmel shows that she’s a kind dog. All the children in the classroom, even the shy ones, had a lot to say about how Carmel shows kindness. After these responses, we asked children to apply what they have learned from the way Carmel shows kindness to the way they can show kindness to their peers, parents, and siblings. We were surprised by how much children learned from this quite simple application.
I think that we can take this activity even further and build on it. As dogs show kindness in ways that differ from people because dogs can, for instance, sniff someone or lick, we can learn from dogs’ ways and point out to children that showing kindness or friendship does not have to be manifested in the same way.
Just like dogs can show kindness and friendship in different ways than children, not all children will show kindness and friendship in the same way, and that’s perfectly fine and even wonderful because these different ways can enrich us.
That’s what we need to teach children. For instance, while autistic children sometimes talk excessively about their interests, by teaching children that this is another way of making friends, we can truly contribute to creating inclusive communities in which everyone approaches others from the perspective of curiosity about how beautifully different we all are. That’s the big change we need in education and therapy animals can substantially contribute to this needed transformation.
There has been a lot of messaging over the past few weeks about authenticity. Well, in my space, there has been. Why? Maybe I am at the stage of my growth where I, too, want to be more me and authentic. However, yesterday, I heard one leader in the industry say they would rather piss other people off and be authentic to themselves.
Wow! Wow, because it hit me in the chest. My first response was YES! But as I thought about what was said, other parts clearly said no way.
Now, this is the beauty of authenticity. It is the opening, an opportunity to explore ideas shared by others, what they say through their filters, beliefs, experiences, etc. and test if it is also true for ourselves.
What hit again was that this morning, through the service, the same message was being said, admittedly from a slightly different angle.
Be authentic, be Christlike, be love, loving, accepting others where they are at, with the least amount of judgement (we are human after all), and be faithful to the inner calling of your Spirit Guide and Oneness.
For me, the singular message or similar thread between these two takes on the idea of authenticity is to be true to ourselves—to our values, what is important to us at our core, and what will create harmony within so that love and connection are shared wider. Yet, how many of us, will choose and then claim “Hey, what is your problem? I’m being authentic, so your upset is on you!”
Again, there is an element of truth in this. Yet, I can’t accept the idea that we, as individuals, are meant to be inconsiderate to others along the way.
For instance:
- To do what we want at the sacrifice of our loved one’s needs, and them asking for help and or refusing to honour commitments made to each other.
- To push through and override other people’s feelings without discussing things with them and coming to some level of agreement or negotiation.
- To feel our rights, needs, and roles are more important than others, so we ignore others’ struggles and fears and expect them to behave or choose like we would.
- Ignoring others’ routines, norms, values, and beliefs and considering them as insignificant.
- Refusing to explore others’ thoughts, ideas, and reasons and being closed to other ideas.
There are many more ways we can knowingly or unknowingly choose hurtful ‘authenticity’. If our genuine and authentic self consists of even the small list above, then I will leave it with the individual, but first, ask them…
“Is this how you want to be seen by others?”
“Do you want to be hurting, being inconsiderate, and rude to people you say are important to you?”
Are you even aware of what you do, and are you open to hearing other’s experiences of interactions with you, or is your need to be singular and ‘right’ more important than working within a group, especially your family or friends you have chosen?
Coming back to the beginning…. Authenticity is about being real and genuine. But what are the genuine character traits you choose to live by? This becomes the North Star question!
By what do you want to be seen, heard, felt, and remembered by?
For the person with an unexamined life, more than likely, it is doing whatever they think is right, driven by their past rules, expectations, and norms taught to them when young and reinforced as they grew up. Yet, for about 95% of the population, what we learnt from our forefathers has stemmed from fear, control, pain, coercion, brute force, cajoling, teasing, put-downs, and expectations. This, too, is understandable as our parents also learnt dysfunctional ways of living and relating.
But, and this is the big but.
As adults, with so much information, resources, and social change available to us, we are now more than ever asked to become authentic, from a conscious choice based on whom we choose to be and more so ideally steeped in love.
What does love and this idealistic view potentially look like?
As written in the 1 Corinthians, v 13 (4-7)
“Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
For those who want to push back against “the Bible,” I ask you to re-read the passage again, and again, and consider how many other spirit texts say the same message. Love, and how it is expressed is the core of all of them.
Again, I ask, How do you want to interact with yourself and others, and in what regard do you want others to hold you in regard?
As a self-serving, insensitive, highly focused, and apathetic person? Or one who chooses to and actively seeks to be in harmony (authentic) with self and others?
No, I agree. Being authentic and based on unconditional love is a challenge, yet if we aim to think, feel, choose, and be from this innate part of our being daily, life, love, and experiences will surely be so much richer.
The quality of our lives depends not on whether or not we have conflicts, but on how we respond to them.
— Thomas Crum
We all carry them — those uncomfortable moments frozen in time, waiting to be resolved. Perhaps it’s the promotion discussion with your boss that ended awkwardly, the inheritance dispute that’s created a chasm between siblings, or the misunderstanding with a business colleague or oldest friend that neither of you has addressed for years. These unresolved conflicts aren’t just memories; they’re active forces shaping our present choices, influencing our relationships, and sometimes even altering the paths we choose to walk. Like invisible threads, they pull us away from certain places, people, and possibilities, creating a web of avoidance that grows more complex with each passing day.
These lingering disagreements act like open browser tabs in our minds, constantly running in the background and consuming precious mental resources. They affect our sleep, influence our decisions, and even impact relationships that have nothing to do with the original conflict.
The cost of carrying these emotional burdens is far greater than the discomfort of addressing them head-on.
But here’s the truth: resolution doesn’t always mean getting your way. Sometimes, it means choosing peace over being right. It means understanding that your perspective, while valid, is just one side of a complex story. Resolution might look like sending that difficult text message, scheduling that overdue coffee meeting, or simply deciding to let go of something that no longer serves your highest good.
The first step is acknowledging these unresolved conflicts for what they are: opportunities for growth, not failures of character. Each one presents a chance to practice empathy, improve communication skills, and demonstrate emotional maturity. The key is to approach them with curiosity rather than judgment, asking “What can I learn from this?” instead of “Who’s to blame?”
Ready to lighten your emotional load? Take action today. Choose one unresolved conflict in your life and make a commitment to address it this week. Whether through a conversation, a letter, or a conscious decision to move forward, take that first step. Your future self will thank you for the gift of peace you’re about to give yourself.
Remember: Every moment spent harboring unresolved conflict is a moment stolen from your potential for joy. Isn’t it time you reclaimed those moments?
Editor’s Note: Enjoy our evolving Exploring Our Shared Humanity Series HERE
Dear ones, everything is energy. Nothing is fully separate and nothing is immovable. Change is happening within all things at all times. This change is not observable to the human eye but it can be recorded via sophisticated measuring and scanning devices. All things, including you, are meant to be in a constant state of change or becoming, therefore, the inner energetic landscape has a direct impact on your outer reality. The energy created by one affects the other and alters your experience as it interacts with other influences both positive and negative.
If you were to focus your energy on a particular intention with single-minded focus for a continued and intense period you would cause that energy to become as your focus demands
Let us explain, everything is energy in motion and everything is connected to all other things to some degree, therefore the energy shaped by one has the potential to affect everything it connects to. If you were to focus your energy on a particular intention with a single-minded focus for a continued and intense period you would cause that energy to become as your focus demands. When you concentrate on a result with unwavering determination you begin shifting or shaping the energy to become as you desire.
Those energetic pulses that were repeated for years (habits), were repeated often (beliefs), were reinforced with great emotion (either negative, trauma, or positive, celebration), and were passed down through the generations (traditions)
Your inner landscape is the sum total of your memorable experiences. Those energetic pulses that were repeated for years (habits), were repeated often (beliefs), were reinforced with great emotion (either negative, trauma, or positive, celebration), and were passed down through the generations (traditions). These are the experiences that become woven into your energetic field, they are high-impact and leave you feeling imprinted. These beliefs and experiences often go unquestioned if they are pleasant, non-obtrusive, and oft-repeated. An example of an unquestioned belief may be, “We like people who look like us (feeling of inclusivity and acceptance) and shun people who are different (feeling of exclusivity and superiority). You may not question this belief because you feel included and safe but holding this belief will alter your worldview and experiences.
Even though the energy isn’t desired, it’s still accepted because the victim believes no other choice exists. They see themselves as powerless, while the perpetrator is seen as powerful so they do not believe it’s possible to change what’s happening
Negative, painful, or abrupt traumatic experiences also leave an energetic impression. Acts of violence, abuse, and hatred may be tolerated because the victim is told they deserve this treatment, they’re being punished for their misdeeds, or because that’s the way it’s done in this house. Even though the energy isn’t desired, it’s still accepted because the victim believes no other choice exists. They see themselves as powerless, while the perpetrator is seen as powerful so they do not believe it’s possible to change what’s happening. Their inner landscape is one of resigned acceptance and their outer world reflects that belief.
You must be unwavering in your goal (new result desired), allow nothing to sway your mind (uninterrupted dedication to the desired result), you must become emotionally invested in the outcome (the emotional response moves the energy), and finally remember to ask for Divine support
No matter who you are, where you are, or what you may have done you are always a powerful creator. You can always change your inner landscape by changing your beliefs and that inner change will lead to an outer transformation. The change, though simple, is profound and will result in a change in your reality. However, this simple shift in energy takes time and effort. It requires, focus and the continued concentration of your energy, a connection to and alignment with your emotions as well as your agreement. You must be unwavering in your goal (new result desired), allow nothing to sway your mind (uninterrupted dedication to the desired result), you must become emotionally invested in the outcome (the emotional response moves the energy), and finally remember to ask for Divine support. Call upon your Divine connection to help you reshape the energy of your beliefs from stale and stagnant beliefs that no longer support you to vibrant, flowing energy that will create a foundation of strength from which you can expand.
Each experience must not become part of your energy without first being reviewed.
Life is about growth and growth comes from experiences that are internalized into belief systems, however, each experience must not become part of your energy without first being reviewed. Ask yourself, “Did this help me feel more expanded? Did it bring me joy? Do I want more of these experiences?” If so, allow the energy to become a belief and add more of the same energy until your reality reflects the joy you’re feeling within. If the experience was unwanted or unpleasant, ask yourself, “What was I thinking or feeling when I experienced this?” Now actively release those thoughts and feelings and immediately replace them with thoughts and feelings that bring you joy.
You are the creator of your life, you decide who and what can imprint their energy onto you. Begin learning to see yourself as a powerful being by taking the time to examine your current beliefs and decide which you want to keep and what needs to be released. As you evolve, your belief system should evolve as well and as your beliefs begin reflecting yourself as a powerful creator, your reality will change.
Shifting your inner landscape will not create immediate change but as you continue to feel those beliefs that are powerful, positive, uplifting, and motivating you will empower yourself, provide a strong foundation for growth and your outer reality will begin reflecting your new inner landscape of joy.
How did you become the person you are? What defines you? How do others see you? Do you have a label? And more importantly, do you wear your label with pride?
We all give ourselves and others labels, put people in boxes, and define what we perceive to be true. Join International Thought Leader Sue Blackwell, as she challenges the Issue of Identity and encourages us to think differently to unlock the untapped human potential that is currently being hidden behind labels and boxed-based thinking.
Editor’s Note: Visit our insteaTALKS 360° Orator Showcase to enjoy ALL of the ConverSessions orchestrated by the best Orators on the planet!
Hope is the anchor of the soul, firm and steadfast even in the roughest seas.
– Unknown
Imagine yourself adrift in the vast expanse of the English Channel, the once tranquil waters now churning with tempestuous waves. The sky, once a serene blue, is now a menacing gray, casting ominous shadows upon the sea. Fear gnaws at you as the storm rages on, threatening to swallow your small vessel whole. You’re lost, alone, and at the mercy of the elements.
This was the terrifying reality faced by a group of friends who had ventured out on a boating trip, heedless of the forecasted stormy weather. Their ill-advised decision had put their lives in grave danger. As the storm intensified, they realized the gravity of their mistake and radioed for help.
Fortunately, the RNLI, the Royal National Lifeboat Institution, answered their distress call. These brave men and women, dedicated to saving lives at sea, risked their own safety to rescue the stranded boaters. As the lifeboat approached, a glimmer of hope ignited within the hearts of the terrified group. They knew that with the RNLI’s assistance, they would soon be safe.
The rescue operation was a tense and dramatic affair, with the lifeboat crew battling against the relentless storm to reach the stranded boaters. In the end, their courage and skill prevailed, and the group was brought safely ashore. As they reflected on their ordeal, they were filled with gratitude for the RNLI’s selfless intervention.
The tale of the stranded boaters in the English Channel is more than just a thrilling rescue story; it’s a profound exploration of human resilience and the enduring power of hope.
Their perilous situation mirrored the tempestuous storms we often face in life, both external and internal.
The Storm WithinWhile the physical storm raged outside, the boaters were also battling a storm within. Fear, uncertainty, and the gnawing doubt of survival were their constant companions. Yet, amidst the chaos, they found the strength to hold on, to believe that help was coming. This inner fortitude is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit.
The Power of HopeHope, a fragile yet potent force, buoyed the boaters through the darkest hours. It was the lighthouse guiding them through the stormy seas, the beacon of light that kept them from succumbing to despair. Hope is not merely a wish or a dream; it’s a conscious choice, a refusal to surrender to the tempest.
The Ripple EffectThe RNLI’s selfless intervention was a stark reminder of the interconnectedness of humanity. Their willingness to risk their own lives for strangers is a testament to the enduring power of compassion and empathy. The rescue not only saved the boaters but also had a ripple effect, inspiring others to reach out to those in need.
Just as the RNLI came to the rescue of the stranded boaters, we can also be lifelines for those around us. By offering a helping hand, a listening ear, or a word of encouragement, we can make a difference in someone’s life.
The story of the stranded boaters serves as a powerful reminder that even in the face of overwhelming challenges, hope and resilience can prevail. It is a testament to the enduring power of the human spirit and a call to action for us all to be beacons of light in the world.
Editor’s Note: Enjoy our evolving Exploring Our Shared Humanity Series HERE
Many of my coaching clients have recently shared their struggles with feeling tired, emotionally overwhelmed, and cognitively overloaded and are close to burnout. They attribute these issues to the pervasive and addictive nature of technology, exacerbated by the pandemic and divisive global conflicts, accelerating change, and the rise of AI and hybrid work. As a result, many have retreated and frozen into habitual, reactive ‘busyness.’ This affects their overall emotional, physical, and mental health and wellness, inhibits their ability to focus, create, invent, and innovate, and restricts their optimism, hope, and positivity about their future in an unstable and uncertain world. Coaching creates a unique opportunity to partner with people to develop their pause–power to identify the transformative actions to reverse this pervasive phenomenon.
What is pause-power?
A coaching session usually serves as a first step towards cultivating the pause power needed to stop, observe, reflect, and take valuable time out to rest, replenish, re-energise, and reboot. This allows people to courageously notice, attune to, and express their true feelings and thoughts, to disrupt, dispute, and deviate them to develop the pause-power required to heal and provide relief, hope, and optimism for a better future.
Everyone must cultivate intentional pause power to empower them to observe and understand their inner and outer worlds. This practice helps them remove distractions, stop multitasking, and break free from the ‘busyness’ that depletes their cognitive, emotional, and visceral resources, putting them in the driver’s seat of their mental and emotional well-being.
Self-reflection and reflective practice become potent tools, enabling people to move away from reactivity and short-term focus and towards taking the transformative actions to adapt, create, invent, and innovate.
Hitting your pause button
Being adaptive, creative, inventive, and innovative involves consciously taking your hands off the controls and encouraging yourself and others to notice and disrupt your habitual and addictive ‘busyness’ (time scarcity + task focus).
This awareness is the first step towards reclaiming your focus and attention so that you can engage with and interpret the modern world rather than try to control it or withdraw from it.
Being willing to take a break and hit the ‘pause button’ stops your continuous cycle of doing. It focuses your attention on breaking limiting beliefs or unresourceful patterns and provides a support structure for applying rigorous perception practices to our daily lives.
Using pause power to create a place, as recently described by Otto Scharmer from the Presencing Institute:
“Between action and non-action, there is a place. A portal into the unknown. But what are we each called to contribute to the vision of the emerging future? Perhaps these times are simply doorways into the heart of the storm, a necessary journey through the cycles of time required to create change”.
What does pause power involve?
A pause is created when you suspend activity, a time of temporary disengagement when you no longer move towards any goal. It can occur amid almost any activity and can last for an instant by taking a deep breath to get grounded, for minutes to become mindful or to take a rest, for hours to enjoy a well-deserved break, or for years to experience life in a different culture or place.
Intentionally pausing enables you to take time between your range of habitual, largely unconscious reactive responses; it helps our brain’s executive function utilise the valuable ‘empty spaces’ between stimulus and response and between different ideas. It creates a space open to options and choices for being, thinking and acting differently.
Doing this allows you to notice and disrupt unresourceful and habitual auto ‘stimulus-response’ default patterns, which usually occur when things go wrong, you make a mistake and fail, or you dive into blaming, shaming or avoiding others as part of our naturally wired defence mechanisms.
Radical acceptance
Learning to pause is one of the critical steps in innovation because it helps you initiate a practice of radical acceptance. This requires embracing uncertainty, or ‘what is’ truly happening in the present moment, relationship, or situation, by accepting things just as they are.
“During the moments of a pause, we become conscious of how the feeling that something is missing or wrong keeps us leaning into the future, on our way somewhere else. This gives us a fundamental choice in how we respond: We can continue our futile attempts at managing our experience or meet our vulnerability with the wisdom of Radical Acceptance”.
By being willing to dive into an ‘empty space’ from an emergent process, you can unleash possibilities, opportunities, options, and choices toward identifying the transformative actions that create your desired future.
People who can artfully and skillfully facilitate creative conversations that funnel pause power and co-create valuable ‘empty spaces’ to occur can generate our imagination and curiosity to manifest glorious moments of insights required to emerge creative ideas.
Pausing also enables you to observe, pay attention, notice, and regulate how your overall nervous system impacts and manages your brain’s functions. This is key to being practical, resourceful, healthy, and productive in the face of volatility, complexity, uncertainty, and accelerating change in our hyper-connected world.
It also needs rest to do this. By applying our pause power and giving ourselves some rest, we offer our bodies, hearts, and minds a chance to recharge, keep moving, and work towards taking the transformative actions required to build better workplaces and flourishing futures.
A valuable toolkit and habit
This skill is valuable for everyone to reflect upon, cultivate and master. It is initiated by intentionally stopping by hitting an invisible cognitive ‘pause button’ to observe, pay attention, notice your inner experience, and see yourself as the cause of it.
Developing pause power involves six simple vital steps and questions:
1.Retreat from reacting to the situation – by stepping back into the present moment or time to notice, be with, allow, accept (radical acceptance), and acknowledge ‘what is’ going on internally and externally, and be willing to name it with detachment and discernment.
- What is going on for me right now – how am I feeling about it?
2. Step up and out to disrupt yourself and create an opening, doorway, threshold, or empty space – to allow something new to emerge.
- What can I learn from this situation?
3. Step up and out to disrupt yourself and create an opening, doorway, threshold, or empty space – to allow something new to emerge.
– What can I learn from this situation?
4. Be willing to introduce and explore options and choices that allow you to deviate and refocus your attention on what really matters – taking a rest, having a holiday, completing a project, being a better person, getting a new job, or getting a promotion.
- What are some of my options for change?
5. Be inquisitive, curious, and open to reimagining, reinventing, and pivoting – an intention, mindset, behaviour, task, goal, or business focus to re-plenish, re-energise, re-engage and re-boot to mobilise yourself.
- How might I feel, think, or act differently to achieve my outcome?
6. Step out into the system’s edges – by being calm, hopeful and optimistic, to identify the transformative actions required to move towards and exploring new creative, inventive, and innovative solutions for providing value in ways people appreciate and cherish.
- What will I do next?
Engaging in a Looking Lab
As many of our ImagineNation community members know, I am currently writing a book on ‘Being Innovative.’ There is a whole chapter on developing pause power to help people engage what Christian Madsbjerg calls in his latest book “Look: How to Pay Attention in a Distracted World” (Riverhead Books) – a Looking Lab, to:
“Get away from your screens, turn off your notifications, go out into the wilds of reality, and look around. Let go of all filters—clichés, conventions, colour corrections, whatever they may be. Try to pay attention to the simple act of seeing.”
He reveals that “if we choose to look for them, there are invisible worlds all around us ready to reveal their magic. The seemingly mundane or average can appear extraordinary, but only if we take the time to notice and see it”.
This is a vital part of our remarkable human capacity to transform through the slow, patient act of observing, attending, noticing, replenishing, re-energising, re-engaging, and re-booting to take the transformative actions that will help you make the world a better place and achieve your 21st-century growth and success differently.
The natural human experience of grief so often gets stifled. How can we allow ourselves to grieve life’s many losses, in ways that help us grow in health and happiness? In this video, Jenny Elinora shares her creative exploration into Grief + Joy.
Editor’s Note: Enjoy all of the ConverSessions by the best Orators on the planet by clicking here; insteadTALKS 360° ORATOR SHOWCASE
We live in a world that tells us to do our best while at the same time telling us our best is not good enough! This is a struggle for many of us. It is a conundrum for the perfectionist. Tune in as Jim gives us a new take on responding to perfectionism and helping ourselves and others who struggle with it.
An insteadTalk is 15 minutes talk followed by 30 minutes of real conversation. Please check out my insteadTalk. Then, please click this link to discover more incredible messages from thinking minds. Real talk! Real conversation!
Miracles. The word alone has a way of stirring something deep within us. Whether it’s a sunrise after a stormy night or the feeling of hope when everything seems lost, we all yearn for something that defies logic—a moment where the impossible bends to possibility.
When we think of miracles, our minds often race to grand, almost cinematic, events: someone waking up from a coma after years, a rescue from a life-threatening situation, or an unexpected turn of fate when all hope seemed lost. But what if we’ve been looking at miracles the wrong way? What if they aren’t always about the extraordinary? What if the real miracle lies in the ordinary moments we often overlook?
Miracles in the Mundane
We live in a world so fast-paced that it’s easy to lose sight of the small wonders that surround us. A flower blooming through cracks in a concrete sidewalk, a baby’s first cry after birth, or even the simple pleasure of watching your favourite person laugh—these are miracles in their own right. They are the universe’s way of whispering that life, no matter how chaotic or ordinary it may seem, is filled with magic.
In fact, the most miraculous moments are often hidden in the everyday grind, waiting to be noticed. Have you ever considered how your body knows exactly how to heal itself when you get a paper cut? Or how your heart keeps beating, silently working to sustain life without you giving it a second thought?
It’s in these quiet moments, in the spaces between what we expect and what we receive, that miracles often occur. And if we pay attention, we might just realize that we’re living amidst a thousand little miracles every single day.
The Miracle of Connection
One of the most profound miracles we experience in life is human connection. Think about it—how remarkable is it that out of the billions of people on this planet, you find those few who resonate with your soul? The friend who always seems to know when you need a call, the stranger who offers a smile when you’re having a rough day, or the partner who loves you even when you’re at your lowest, or your pet’s friendly and constant presence that makes you feel special beyond words, etc.
These connections may seem like chance or coincidence, but isn’t there something miraculous in the way they unfold? Every relationship, every shared moment, is a reminder that we are never truly alone. It’s a miracle in itself to find people who understand and accept us in a world so vast and diverse and many times indifferent towards us too.
Miracles of Inner Strength
Sometimes, the most significant miracles aren’t the ones that happen to us but the ones we discover within ourselves. Life has a way of testing us—be it through loss, heartbreak, illness, or failure. In these moments, we often wonder, “How will I ever get through this?” And yet, somehow, we do.
The real miracle isn’t just surviving adversity, but thriving through it. The strength that appears when you thought you had none left, the courage to face another day when it feels impossible, and the hope that refuses to be extinguished—these are all miracles of the human spirit.
Miracles: A Matter of Faith and Perception
Miracles, those extraordinary events that seem to defy the laws of nature, have captivated humanity for millennia. They are often seen as divine interventions, supernatural occurrences that challenge our understanding of the world. But what exactly constitutes a miracle? And how do we reconcile such events with our scientific understanding of the universe?
For many, miracles are a testament to the power of faith. They are seen as divine manifestations, proof of a higher power at work. Religious texts are filled with stories of miracles, from the parting of the Red Sea to the resurrection of Jesus Christ. These tales have inspired countless believers and have played a central role in shaping religious traditions.
Yet, the interpretation of miracles is not always straightforward. What one person may see as a miracle, another may simply attribute to coincidence or chance. The line between the natural and the supernatural can be blurry, and our perceptions are often influenced by our beliefs and worldviews.
From a scientific standpoint, miracles can be difficult to explain. They often involve events that seem to violate well-established laws of physics. However, scientists have also been known to be cautious about dismissing the possibility of the unknown. There have been instances where seemingly miraculous events have been explained through scientific investigation, revealing natural causes that were previously overlooked.
It’s important to note that science is not designed to prove or disprove the existence of miracles. Science focuses on understanding the natural world through observation and experimentation. While it may not be able to explain every extraordinary event, it can provide valuable insights into the underlying causes of many phenomena.
A Personal Journey
Whether or not you believe in miracles is a personal matter. It is a question that has been pondered by countless individuals throughout history. Some find solace and inspiration in the stories of miracles, while others remain sceptical. Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to believe is a deeply personal one that cannot be dictated by others.
Miracles, at their core, are about hope, faith, and the human experience. They are a reminder that at times, extraordinary things happen. Whether these events are divine interventions or simply the result of chance, they can have a profound impact on our lives.
It was a dark, cold night. Sarah was returning from a Christmas party with her two kids. The roads were slippery due to the snow, but she did not care much and continued driving fast. When she saw the signal light turn yellow, she accelerated her speed to pass through the signal before it turned red, but unfortunately, she collided with another speeding truck. She and her two kids were severely injured. It took her six months to recover entirely physically, but the trauma of that accident severely affected her mental health. Before that accident, she used to enjoy long drives, but after the accident, the thought of driving a car triggered panic attacks. Anybody can experience a traumatic experience in life. Trauma is an emotional response to a distressing event, such as the death of a loved one, rape, violence, natural disaster, etc.
It is important to note that any experience that may sound traumatic for one person may not be traumatic for another.
For example, Michelle had a traumatic experience when she fell off the swing. The embarrassment of falling off the swing in front of her classmates was so traumatic that after that incident, she suffered from neck pain for years until she went through hypnosis to heal from that traumatic experience.
Valerie Candela Brower, a licensed professional counselor, defined Trauma as “when too much happens too soon for the nervous system to process.” Candela Brower explained further. “It’s like eating a big meal and not fully digesting it, but then eating another big meal, and then another. The body does not digest what has happened, and instead, we stuff our feelings, numb out, or deny reality.”
Throughout a lifetime, it’s common to be exposed to a traumatic event, whether it is a violent act, a serious injury, sexual abuse, or other shocking event. It can take a while to get over the pain and feel safe again when bad things happen. Emotional and psychological trauma is the result of extraordinarily stressful events that shatter your sense of security, making you feel helpless in a dangerous world. Psychological trauma can leave you struggling with upsetting emotions, memories, and anxiety that won’t go away. It can also leave you feeling numb, disconnected, and unable to trust other people.
Usually, these symptoms get better with time. But for some people, more intense symptoms linger or interfere with their daily lives and do not go away on their own. Most of the time, people are stuck with their past memories and shame. These thoughts /feelings of embarrassment are internalized and become an integral part of your self-talk. Our brain holds on to these memories as if they are still true in the present. For example, when Sarah tries to drive a car, her mind replays the memories from the accident, which triggers a panic attack.
What to do to stay in controlThese memories of the traumatic experience can be harrowing and demoralizing, but the good news is that they can be controlled. Healing from trauma is not easy, and it gets trickier as everyone reacts to trauma in different ways, experiencing a wide range of physical and emotional reactions. Following are a few tips to help you heal from trauma.
Focus on Physical/body reactionsTrauma disrupts your body’s natural balance, freezing you in a state of hyperarousal and fear. The traumatic memories can live in your mind and body, creating continuous havoc. Working on releasing the stress caused by these memories may help you break free from traumatic memories of that event. Whenever you start feeling fear, overwhelming anxiety, or experiencing the onset of panic, try focusing on your body’s reaction. The bodily responses are mostly similar in several experiences, such as the body reacting the same way when you feel nervous or excited. It all depends on how you label these experiences and; makes you feel the emotions at that time. If any particular event triggers the memories of the past traumatic event, focus on bodily reaction and try to change the label of the feeling. If you are feeling fear, tell yourself that you are experiencing the thrill at the moment, as experiencing fear is similar to experiencing the thrill. This is the reason why people love roller-coasters, haunted houses, and horror movies. Once you take charge of your emotions, try to take deep breaths. Start relaxing your body. Body scan meditation may help you relax your body.
Here’s how to practice body scanning meditation:
- Try to get into a comfortable seated position. Close your eyes.
- Focus on your lower body and consciously feel that it is getting completely relaxed. Notice how your feet feel on the floor. Slowly, move your attention to your ankles, knees, thighs, and then pelvis. Identify temperature, pressure, tension, and any other sensations as you move up your body.
- When you feel any tension, take a deep breath and exhale as you release it.
- When you feel the body part relax, you can move to the next one and repeat the same.
- Finally, end by focusing on your neck, head, and face. By then, your body should be completely relaxed.
Remind yourself that you are safeIn your brain, the thoughts from traumatic experiences remain active, and your mind perceives them as if it is happening in the current moment. Reminding yourself that “It’s over can help you to deal with it effectively. When these traumatic thoughts start haunting you, repeat to yourself, ‘I am safe’, ‘it’s over’.
GroundingGrounding exercises can help you anchor yourself to the present moment. This could help you take your mind off past events that are causing you distress. Grounding may be particularly helpful if you’re experiencing flashbacks, anxiety, and dissociation symptoms.
Here are a few grounding techniques to try at home:
Run water over your hands. Start by running water over your hands. Focus on the temperature and its sensations on each part of your hand, from your wrist to your nails.
Move your body in ways that feel most comfortable to you. This can include jumping up and down, dancing, jogging in place, or stretching. As you move, focus on how your body feels.
Try to feel the sensations from all five senses. Focus on your current sensations, such as room temperature, your breathing, and your surroundings. Feel the taste in your mouth, the smell at the moment.
Resourcing and visualizationDuring time of distress, it may help you to resource your past memories that made you feel good. Resourcing and visualization simply mean tuning into specific body sensations that may be the opposite of what you’re experiencing at the moment.
Some of the simple ways to practice resourcing and visualization
- Create a safe place in your mind. Go back to a time and place when you felt safe and happy, for example a walk on a sea shore. Or you could create an imaginary new safe place that you haven’t experienced yet. Feel your body there and focus on how comfortable you feel.
- Think about people you love and focus on the way it makes you feel. You could start by looking at photos of them or focusing on specific memories you share.
It is not easy to deal with the trauma alone. It is highly recommended to take help from a trained therapist. Just remember, Trauma is not your fault but, healing from trauma is your responsibility.
References:
- https://psychcentral.com/lib/somatic-therapy-exercises-for-trauma
- https://www.sunshineclinic.org/blog/emotional-and-psychological-trauma-what-is-it-and-how-to-heal/
- https://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/coping-with-emotional-and-psychological-trauma.htm
- https://www.verywellmind.com/10-ways-to-heal-from-trauma-5206940
- https://www.nm.org/healthbeat/healthy-tips/emotional-health/5-things-you-never-knew-about-fear
I begin my day with you, the voice of God, each day. The tones, melodies, and sounds create a resonance through my body, my heart, my soul. Awakening spirit deep within. I weep. Not from sadness, but with joy and reverence. The earth becomes alive and awakened filled with life. Everything appears more vibrant. In motion, I observe the wind, the river, the rocks, and the ants busy with purpose. Something about witnessing these everyday events brings emotions to the surface. Tears run gently down the subtle curves of my cheeks and find their way across my chest. It’s as if tears purify the energy of my heart. The water within me flows like a quiet river moving through boulders, pebbles, and stones eroding away the edges of my inner resistance, softening me over time. Creating an unseen opening allowing the flow of stagnant emotion to leave me with ease and grace. Simply becomes part of the flow of the river. I can no longer distinguish what I once held on to. The pain of the past gone. As if it never existed. My body free. My mind free. My spirit free.
It is in your voice, I hear God. The tones, melodies the sounds reverberating filling the sanctuary. Higher octaves indeed. I feel God’s love radiating into me awakening my soul. It is the sound, the breath, the heart together hold the keys to awakening consciousness waiting to be set free, birthed, and expressed. Always there, like a seed beneath the soil, something planted in me awoke, broke through my inner earth’s crust connecting me to the light of God. It was in your voice, your song, struck me like a tuning fork. I could feel the motion of my body oscillating at such a rate of speed, I could only feel it when I laid down to rest. Something indeed is happening. I am awakened by the sound and showered by God’s grace from the inside out.
Always in motion. If I did not sit still to listen and offer myself time for devotion each moment, I would surely miss the voice of God that is with me each day. I look into your eyes and feel grace, beauty, power, and a firm yet gentle presence. When I look into your eyes, I see God. I feel God. I see my own reflection looking back into the depth of my soul. In a moment of divine alignment, I felt the hand of God’s grace placed upon my shoulder, we became one breath, one heartbeat, one soul, one radiant light that filled the room. Together we bring heaven to earth. Together we light the world.
I Love You,
Gina
“It’s in the unity of our hearts we bring heaven to earth as one.” – Gina Lobito
A poem about the journey to see and be with everything in us that we’ve feared.Have you scratched beneath the surface?
Have you scratched beneath the surface of what you avoid? Of where you find inaction? Of what is staying the same?
Have you scratched beneath the surface of contractions you feel? Of the triggers you turn from? Of the dangers you fear?
Have you taken a moment, to ask and look? Or are you denying and resisting? Do you judge and push…
…away the fears that lurk beneath.
Although not that far. They’re right here, in reach.
When you take a moment to ask
What it means
You soon find the answer…a stream of ideas
Hiding a feeling…
One that looks wrong…itself covering over emotion unhealed.
In a matter of seconds the sequence unfolds…I’ll be a failure…rejected…unwanted…alone.
And there you strike gold…the fear at the heart.
The one calling for love that you’ve consistently stood
Apart from and judged
Avoided and shamed.
Assuming it wrong.
Assuming indeed, that it means I am wrong.
So I call you forward, with true love by our side, to do the work that is our heart’s desire.
To turn and face ourselves within. To meet fearful feelings and remember all is well.
That we are wholeness.
Simply obscured
By the idea that this feeling is somehow unsound.
But all is included and all is safe. When you stand in yourself, and with love you face.
With love, Helen
Ever thought a blaring siren could be your ticket to mindfulness? Yeah, it does sound a bit out there, but let’s dive in together. My first lesson in using a siren from a passing emergency vehicle as a mindfulness tool came from one of my great mentors, Dr. Fletcher Harding, over forty-years ago. As he was presenting his lesson to our class, an ambulance passed by the building with lights flashing and siren wailing. Fletch paused mid-sentence, drew a deep breath and said, “Ah … another opportunity to ‘emerge-n-see’ that, there too, is God in action, moving to render aid unto Itself—and all is well.” His statement of oneness was quite staggering.
We all know the sudden jolt in our day when a siren passes by. Instead of just reacting or feeling agitated by the invasive noise, what if we used it, as Fletcher did, as a cue to ground ourselves in the present moment and invoke an awareness of the presence of Infinite Intelligence? Imagine this: as the siren wails, we choose to take a deep breath, feel our feet on the ground, and bring our attention to the now. Rumi once beautifully said, “Only let the moving waters calm down, and the sun and moon will be reflected on the surface of your being.”
By pausing and tuning into our breath, we allow the turbulence of our mind to settle as the awareness of our oneness with the All sets in.
Think of the siren as an unexpected guest knocking on the door of our awareness. Instead of getting annoyed or anxious, we can turn it into a mindfulness bell. Each time we hear it, we can take a moment to check in with our body, noticing any tension, and then release it with a long exhale. This practice can be a powerful reminder to “stop, look, and listen,” much like Jon Kabat-Zinn’s definition of mindfulness as “Paying attention in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment non-judgmentally.”
Incorporating mindfulness into everyday sounds, even disruptive ones like sirens, transforms our environment into a continuous reminder to stay present and connected to the moment. It’s like having a portable portal to inner peace, no matter the surrounding chaos. So, next time a siren blares, consider using it to find a slice of stillness amidst the noise. Ready to turn those sirens into a symphony of mindfulness?
Peace, Dennis Merritt Jones
Sometimes rather than jumping into life with the exuberance of a child, boarding a new ride at the county fair; we play it safe, waiting instead for that conjured-up image in our mind of what we think life should be, to manifest itself.
Never giving thought, that as we wait for that picture-perfect life, the hands of time are not waiting with us. Instead, they continue to click off the moments, days, weeks, and years, keeping time with life; just as a metronome clicks with each swing of its pendulum, marking the tempo of a song.
Until one day, and all too soon, life has passed us by.
Don’t wait, my friends, grab life by the horns; as if it were a bull waiting in the chute, of that rodeo event you witnessed as a child.
Holding on tight, as you enjoy the exhilaration of life’s ups and downs, twists and turns; because whether it be eight seconds, seventy years, or somewhere in between; it will be the best ride you’ve ever known.
“The proper function of a man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.”
~Jack London (1876-1916)
Hello, lovely souls!
As we begin another week, I want to share a simple yet powerful practice that can transform the quality of your day. Imagine starting each morning with a sense of purpose, calm, and joy—this is the magic that mindful intention can bring into your life.
Every morning, I wake up with the anticipation of enjoying a delicious cup of coffee in the quiet stillness before the world stirs awake. It’s this small yet delightful experience that motivates me to get out of bed. I’m fortunate to have a coffee pot that brews my coffee automatically, so I’m greeted with the comforting aroma of freshly brewed coffee as soon as I come downstairs. It’s my personal morning ritual, and I even sing the Folger’s jingle, “The best part of waking up…,” as I head to the kitchen.
However, I understand that not everyone wakes up with the same excitement. Many of us, due to our natural human tendency to focus on fears or dislikes, might feel a sense of trepidation as we start our day. This can unintentionally send a message of unease into our future, affecting the quality of our day.
But here’s the beautiful truth: despite the busyness and challenges of our lives, there is an abundance of joy and experiences worth savoring. By starting each day with a positive intention, we can attract more of this natural bliss into our lives. It doesn’t have to be anything grandiose celebrating the warmth of your morning coffee or the stillness of the dawn can be enough. Remember, we get stronger and better at the things we practice the most, so be patient with yourself as you develop this habit. If you find it difficult, I’m here to share tips and tricks that have helped my clients, call me.
When you send positive intentions ahead of your day, you create a momentum that manifests in your personal and professional relationships, your work, and your overall interaction with the world. Anxiety softens, and a sense of peace and purpose takes its place.
So, I encourage you, each morning, when you first awaken, take several deep, grounding breaths and reaffirm a positive intention to set the tone for your day. Quietly bless your day with words like, “May my day be filled with purpose, passion, productivity, and peace of mind.” Feel these words, think them deeply, and if you’re a visual person, imagine yourself as a light-filled being illuminating everything and everyone you encounter. If you commute to work, visualize your car and journey being paved with golden light, ensuring a safe and smooth commute. Extend this light to your workplace, infusing it with your positive intention.
Then, watch how your day unfolds. Enjoy the miracle moments that arise from this practice.
I would love to hear how this simple exercise changes your experience. Share your miracle moments with me—it truly feeds my soul to hear from you.
Remember, I am always here to support you. It is my passion and purpose to help you experience days filled with positivity, regardless of the challenges you face. If you need assistance with releasing pesky habits and rewiring your brain for more peace of mind and productivity, please reach out. I genuinely want to help.
Send positive intentions out into your day ahead and live mindfully aware of the miracle moments. Acknowledge and notice them, as this attention brings more appreciation into your experience. It’s a fact: the more attention we give to something, the more it expands.
Have you ever had moments where you felt like you were on an epic journey? You know, the moments that will stick with you forever as if they become embedded in your cellular memory. It becomes part of your inner landscape. Maybe it was the first time you rode a bike all by yourself? As your mom or dad assisted you keep your balance. You can feel them holding on to the seat, running by your side as you peddled. Hands gripped tightly to the handlebars as you steer the bike steadily forward, the bike swaying side to side as the speed of the tires picks up pace. You’re afraid but determined to keep going. The sound of acceleration of the tires meeting the concrete. . . vvvvvvvVVVVVV. The sound increasing, as you peddle one leg, down, and the other goes up and down again!
The clicking of the chain of the single-gear bike. Wind blowing your hair back, away from your face as you feel the gentle wisps of hair grace your cheek. You feel the rhythm and synchronicity of the flow, of peddling, swaying the bike back and forth, until alas, you are steady, moving forward in a straight line, the force of energy propelling you forward. Peddling faster and faster. All your muscles working together contracting and releasing. Breathing in and out. It’s hard work at first to get the bike to move and stay aligned. Then it happens, your mom or dad lets go….uh. What once was scary is now exhilarating …! Now you are racing down the sidewalk, eyes looking straight ahead. You are free, liberated from fear of falling. You no longer feel your parent’s support, just a faint cry as they shout, “Okay, stop!” as they see the corner approaching. But, you are in the flow where nothing else exists outside of that moment. Just you, your bike, and the wind which showers you in the energy of freedom. You take flight without leaving the ground.
In the grace and glory of that 30-second moment, you gently push back on the pedals to come to a stop. You did it! You road your bike for the first time unassisted. Stopping safely with one foot and toes to the ground. Though it may have only been the length of two maybe three houses, the moment is epic! Well, I know it was for me when I first rode down the street in my blue Schwinn bike with a blue banana seat with sparkles and suicide handlebars with streamers on the hand grips. It was just as exciting as when me and my brothers road down the street in our big wheels doing skid outs by pulling on the rear tire hand break. Those of you who grew up in the late 70’s early 80’s know what I am talking about.
Laughing, racing each other, and doing it over and over again until we mastered the skid out, turning the handlebar at just the right time, while pulling the hand break up, leaning to one side to engage the skid. A quick turn back into the rotational force to change direction and peddle out of the turn. We never fell off our big wheels. We even managed to gain enough speed on the big wheel with the dented front tire, that lumped along. Yes, a dent, the big wheels we had had hard plastic tires, but we did not care. In our minds, we raced as fast as the wind.
As we grew older, our skill level was perfected as we graduated to riding single-gear, bicycles, with a footbreak. The skid-outs continued, and we did it over and over again. This time we added bike jumps made out of plywood and 2×4’s Yes! The construction was horrible, but we did not care. We peddled as fast as one’s legs could take us to approach the jump. One by one, watching each other approach the jump. Sometimes we would avoid the jump completely, and fear set in. Then finally, after plenty of encouragement and watching my brother have a successful jump, I peddled and peddled as the front wheel connected to the ramp, I leaned back, putting my weight into the rear tire, pulling up on the handlebars, I took flight. Now the landing was a bit bumpy at first, after a number of attempts, the landing smoothed out. My brothers and I jumped and jumped until the ramp broke then we would call it a day knowing we would make another jump tomorrow. Fun and freedom! These are a couple of many “epic” moments of my childhood.
Now, as an adult, I may not experience as many “epic” moments in the same way, but when I do, the feeling of elation lights me up from the inside out. The feeling of freedom and fun running through my body…well, I just want to experience it over and over again.
This is often how I feel along my path of awakening as I ascend within my internal being and return to the state of love and joy in my heart. As I reflect, the transformational or growth process is the same in childhood as it is in my adulthood. There is fear yet the determination to keep going propels me forward. Something deep inside, just like learning to ride my bike, keeps nudging me to set myself free. I have had many mentors, who supported, and guided me along the way until I could guide myself. When all those “tools” in my “energetic” toolbox are in use, well it’s exciting. I meet so many different characters along the way that bring up challenges and insight for me to grow, expand, and return inward to my heart.
This includes the fun, corky, and dare I say it, shadow characteristics of myself. A band of various identities lives inside me, as they live in you too. Now, my “skidouts” are meant to turn inward to face myself and surrender. Let go of these identities and let the light of GOD in, like the plywood ramp, I take time to discard the “broken pieces” that no longer support me. I take time to fix what needs mending. I “rebuild” my direct connection to myself. My Higher Self, my heart. I commit each day to the Path of Awakening and spiritual growth. It’s done yes, with a seriousness, but that too has softened.
Now, I find humor in it all. The Joy of ascending and trudging myself out of my own mud. Sometimes later, if I am out on a nature hike or outdoor retreat. Now, I laugh with life. I laugh with myself. Now my epic moments occur when I gather with others and our souls weaving a common purpose together. I never know what epic moment will occur with the group or for myself…its always a surprise. All of us are so excited to be together, in light, in peace, and connecting.
As in any group setting, the energy builds momentum the longer people are together. I remember to create time for myself. I take time to rest, reflect, and be alone. I remember to breathe and slow down when I feel like I am racing and “peddling” so fast only to find myself at the end of the sidewalk and it’s only day 2 of a 5-day global gathering for peace. I can either choose to pump the break or jump the curb. Either choice is perfect. But you know what? I much prefer to recognize the pace inside me and slow down and not get swept away in the ungrounded moment of group excitement.
Taking the moment to breathe, calms my nervous system, allows me to be present with what’s in front of me, and is key to the ability to assimilate and alchemize the energies that are moving beyond the speed of light within my physical body. It’s the light coming into my light body, activating my cells, my heart. My entire energy system “shocked” with golden light current that runs through me. It runs through you too. It’s the ability to ground the light body, connect to your heart, connect to the earth, connect to the heaven which allows me to stay the course. I sit and breathe for a moment each day which supports this divine alchemy and stability to occur. Let the emotions come to the surface, and just breathe, observe, and let in GOD. It’s in the breath I feel my Mind, Body, and Spirit come into synchronicity and operate in synergy. Fully connected and aligned, just the way it felt when I rode my bike for the first time, perfected a skid out or jumped a ramp.
All the elements must come into synchronicity and align just so, and then you’re in the flow of energy. The flow of light of your Higher Self. Thinking no longer is in the way. Trust and knowing takes its place. I choose to do it again and again and gather with soul friends weaving our sovereign energy together for a common purpose of peace for humanity. It may sound simple, but these are the epic moments of my life now. The energy felt in the room when we all gather together, it’s like a giant celebration or homecoming. I always felt so joyous for weeks, even months afterward. I get recharged from the inside out and I return home with so much creativity and joy. I just want to do it over, and over again. This may not feel epic to some of you, but for me, these are some of the epic moments in my life that have become part of my inner landscape. I know there are more epic moments to come along this transformational journey
For now, I will sit in the energy of the stillness of my breath and just breathe.
We are living in a time of such rapid change that it is truly head-spinning and mind-boggling all at the same time. How do we keep up with the pace of change and the subsequent demands on our time, learning and growth while still being actively engaged in our conscious evolution as a person and as a human collective? The complexity of life today demands that we not just learn new skills, but that we grow in consciousness, becoming more aligned with the true nature of our birthright.
I’ve been committed to my personal growth and that of other people for as long as I can remember. Choosing a career first as a psychotherapist and later as a leadership coach and conscious living teacher, I have discovered that the path of growth in consciousness is anything but a smooth one! It demands more of you than simply going through the motions of life as a passive bystander.
In this article, I will explore some of the signs that clearly indicate that you are growing in consciousness. By this, I mean evolving your perspectives to be more broad and inclusive, while also becoming free from the confinement of the human ego. As you read through these 7 signs, look to see where your growth in consciousness has evolved as you have grown over the years.
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An Expanded Experience of Inner PeaceOne of the most profound signs of shifting to elevated levels of consciousness is the experience of inner peace. Things that used to be bothersome or stressful no longer have the same power. Instead, inner peace illuminates every aspect of life. Acceptance, serenity and peace transcend feelings of angst, stress, or overwhelm.
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Taking Responsibility for LifeAnother sign of shifting to higher levels of consciousness is the realization that happiness and success are choices that come from within. You learn that you are completely responsible for creating the life you desire. As you assume full responsibility for your life, you no longer depend on external circumstances or other people to generate your happiness. Instead, you take full responsibility for your life and make empowering choices that align with your values and higher self. By embracing self-empowerment, you release the multitude of fears and “what if’s” that your ego sends your way.
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Prioritizing Self-CareAn integral part of the journey to elevated consciousness is the acknowledgement that self-care is not selfish, but essential, especially in these fast-paced, demanding times. Over time, you learn to prioritize mental, physical, and spiritual well-being as a central value of your life. By taking care of yourself, you become better equipped to address the needs of others and bring forth your best self. Making time for good nutrition, adequate exercise and rest, quiet time of meditation, reflection, or other spiritual practices are not a luxury but a necessary component of growth and spiritual development that flow naturally from the core of elevated states of consciousness.
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Being Called to Live a Purpose-Driven LifeAn essential aspect of growth in consciousness is the realization that life is not just about getting what you want or achieving all of your goals. Shifting to higher levels of consciousness often brings about a deep desire to serve others and live a purpose-driven life. As you do so, you become aware of your unique talents and desires to serve others, and feel pulled to use your gifts in ways that contribute to the well-being of humanity.
Material concerns and external validation become less important as you prioritize sharing your knowledge, wisdom, and expertise with the world. The pursuit of a meaningful life becomes a high priority.
Even with the rapid changes in our world, you don’t feel disconnected or lost but intimately connected to the greater tapestry of life itself. This deeper connection motivates you to live a life of purpose and contribute to the conscious evolution of humanity.
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Embracing Solitude for GrowthIn my journey towards higher levels of consciousness, I have come to realize the immense value of spending time alone. Solitude offers a sacred space for introspection, self-discovery, and the ability to hear that still small voice within. As you detach from the noise and distractions of the external world, you create an inner environment conducive to transformation. You come to crave time alone in a new and fulfilling way. The more time you spend in solitude, the more your vibration rises, aligning with the frequency of Divine Intelligence.
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Being Pulled to Make ChangeAs you grow in consciousness you will find that certain aspects of your life no longer align with the person you have become. This inner transformation prompts the feeling that it is time to make change. Sometimes it is a change in career to bring about more authentic self-expression. Other times people leave marriages or relocate to new regions of the world to pursue an inner call. You feel a deep pull within, urging you to take a leap of faith and step into the unknown. The old ways of being and doing no longer resonate, and you feel compelled to make transformative choices that align with your new sense of self.
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Detachment from the Material WorldAs you grow in consciousness, you will notice a gradual detachment from the physical and material world. The superficial allure of possessions and material wealth loses its grip. Instead, there is satisfaction in connecting with nature, close relationships, and spiritual endeavors. This detachment doesn’t mean renouncing the physical world completely but rather recognizing its impermanence and placing greater importance on the intangible aspects of life.
As you detach from the material world, you find yourself drawn towards a deeper connection with the Divine presence within. This inner connection provides a source of comfort, guidance, and inspiration, and reminds you of the infinite potential that resides within you. Through practices such as reading, meditation, affirmative prayer, and gratitude, you strengthen your connection with the Divine and tap into the wellspring of wisdom and love that lies within your being.
This simple list is by no means exhaustive. There are so many signs to notice as you embark on the profound and transformative journey to elevated levels of consciousness. It is a journey of self-discovery, and personal and spiritual growth. The signs discussed in this article offer glimpses into this process, but there are other signs to notice as well. You will likely feel an expanded sense of gratitude toward all of life, and a richness in even simple experiences. You feel less stress over simple things, and have a greater ability to get along with all kinds of people. Notice the small, simple changes as you grow, and celebrate your expansiveness.
As you experience inner peace, take responsibility for your life, prioritize self-care, and foster a greater sense of purpose and meaning, you inch closer to our true nature. By embracing solitude, making transformative changes, and detaching from the material world, you pave the way for a deeper connection with your authentic self and a connection with your spiritual nature. May this journey guide us all towards a life of greater compassion, love, and peace.
It was just last week when I found myself sitting on the porch, watching the sun slowly dip below the horizon. The air was still warm, but there was a hint of something different—a whisper of cooler days to come. I sipped my lemonade and thought, “Is summer really coming to an end already?” The laid-back, lazy days of summer are drifting away, and suddenly, there it is—the undeniable realization that September is knocking at the door. For many, this shift feels like the end of a dream, a signal that the carefree days are over and it’s time to buckle down again.
As kids head back to school and we all start to get back into the rhythm of work, schedules, and responsibilities, it’s normal to feel a little anxious. After all, change—especially the kind that signals the end of something as cherished as summer—can be hard to handle. But maybe, just maybe, there’s a way to embrace this change without feeling like the best days are behind us.
Finding Peace in the ShiftThink about it: summer has a certain magic. It’s a time when the days are longer, the pace is slower, and we allow ourselves a bit more freedom to relax and enjoy. But as the seasons change, we might feel a bit of panic setting in—the feeling that now we must “get serious,” that the time for play is over. This kind of thinking can lead to anxiety, making us feel like we’re not ready to face the “real world” again.
But here’s the thing: the end of summer doesn’t have to mean the end of joy or freedom. It’s all about perspective. the end of summer doesn’t have to mean the end of joy or freedom. It’s all about perspective.
Five Friendly Ways to Handle Change and Anxiety1. Reflect on Summer’s Best Moments and Carry Them Forward
Remember those lazy afternoons by the pool or the excitement of a spontaneous road trip? Instead of feeling sad that these moments are over, why not carry the joy of them into the fall? You can bring a bit of that summer spontaneity to the cooler months—plan a weekend adventure, even if it’s just to a local park. Hold onto the spirit of summer by continuing to make time for fun.
- Set Some Fun Fall Goals
Who says goal-setting has to be all about serious stuff like work or school? Set some playful goals for the new season—like trying out a new hobby, cooking a fall recipe you’ve never tried, or hosting a cozy gathering with friends. Having something to look forward to can make the transition feel less daunting.
- Keep a Bit of Summer in Your Routine
Summer routines tend to be more relaxed. As we shift into fall, find ways to keep that sense of ease. Maybe it’s keeping your morning walk or coffee on the porch. Small rituals can keep the summer feeling alive, helping you ease into the busier months.
- Practice Mindfulness and Stay Present
Anxiety often comes from worrying about the future or regretting the past. Instead, try to stay present. Enjoy the beauty of the season as it changes. Take a few moments each day to breathe deeply, notice the leaves starting to turn, or the cooler air on your skin. Mindfulness can help anchor you, making change feel less overwhelming.
- Embrace the Beauty of Each Season
Just because summer is ending doesn’t mean the beauty ends. Fall has its own kind of magic—crisp air, vibrant leaves, the smell of pumpkin spice in the air. Make an effort to enjoy what each season has to offer. Go apple picking, have a bonfire, or simply enjoy a hot cup of tea on a chilly morning. Find joy in the unique offerings of the new season.
As you see, the end of summer doesn’t have to be the end of fun or relaxation. Instead, it can be the start of a new adventure, a time to embrace change and find joy in the new season. By carrying the spirit of summer forward, setting new goals, and staying mindful, you can make this transition smooth and even exciting. Remember, every season has its own beauty and opportunities. It’s all about how you choose to welcome it. So, here’s to the new season—may it bring as much joy and fulfillment as the last one did!
Hello to you listening in Cartegena, Columbia, South America! Coming to you from Whidbey Island, Washington this is Stories From Women Who Walk with 60 Seconds for Wednesdays on Whidbey and your host, Diane Wyzga.
Perhaps like me, you have walked a long road to find out how to use your voice to shine a light into the world that would be vastly incomplete without you. Perhaps you might still feel self-conscious about using the power of your voice.
Hear me when I say this: it’s your time! You did not come to Earth to be quiet. Set aside your limiting beliefs. They are of no use to you! The world needs what you have to give. If what you have to give is a cup of water would you deny it to a world that is thirsty? Of course not!
The more you get to the heart of your message and the message of your heart the more likely it is that you will speak your truth, live your truth, and the world will be less thirsty.
CTA: You can always read another “How To” book; but let’s stop wasting time and get to the heart of your message to connect with, engage and influence your audience. If you are curious message me on LinkedIn or email me at info@quartermoonstoryarts.net to set up a Discovery Chat. Let’s get to the heart of your message!
You’re always invited: “Come for the stories – stay for the magic!” Speaking of magic, would you subscribe, share a 5-star rating + nice review on your social media or podcast channel of choice, and join us next time!
Meanwhile, stop by my Quarter Moon Story Arts website to:
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Stories From Women Who Walk Production Team
Podcaster: Diane F Wyzga & Quarter Moon Story Arts
Music: Mer’s Waltz from Crossing the Waters by Steve Schuch & Night Heron Music
All content and image © 2019 to Present Quarter Moon Story Arts. All rights reserved.
When looking in a mirror, the last thing I would think is ‘loving myself’. My attitude towards self-love was until now narcissistic. I now have a totally different attitude to ‘loving myself’.
The exchange of views during Our Friendship Bench last week was passionate, empathetic and positively revealing. Human Kindness Initiative. If you love yourself you can pass it on to others.
Loving yourself also means a level of confidence, and accepting the reality of life. It means accepting yourself totally and treating yourself with kindness and recognizing that life has its down and ups. This does not mean you cannot spread a positive message. Being honest with yourself is essential to emancipation.
The purpose is oneness. Love is infectious. Vibes projected and received; body language supporting the generosity of spirit from giver to receiver.
I have always been of the opinion and reality that kindness works both ways, as does a smile. But to achieve, ideally, the giver must love him/herself. Extending kindness, which is then accepted, offers mutual gratification. A mutual ‘thank you’ The giver and receiver become one. An internal process that makes a difference.
Everyone is ‘another you’. Genuine feelings creating spontaneity from the heart. Project and receive oneness. Create kindness.
Loving yourself means it can be passed on spreading love and happiness from the heart. This cannot be done without self-love.
Look in a mirror, say the words, close your eyes and reflect. ‘I love myself’ and you can love others; spread the word. Recognize reality of purpose. Try it!
Thank you Zen Benefiel
Author’s Note: It was 48 hours after I’d died. I’d insisted to Alizah that she go home and get some good sleep and that I would see her tomorrow. Laying in the (hospital) bed alone in the room, one massive feeling and awareness landed on me. Consumed me. Not fearfully, but more like in a heavy state of complete and inescapable awe. I could’ve never seen her (Alizah) again on this earth. I could’ve never been with those I loved on this earth, again. I don’t know how many hours I sat in that space, but then, I blurted out these words, “That would’ve f##king sucked!” Sometime thereafter, I finally slept. Death wasn’t the terrible thing. It was not being amongst people you love, who love you. That’s what death meant. On the other side, was joyous laughter and play, a place that triggered no fear whatsoever. But there, I would be apart from those I love on this earth. I came back. Belonging will do that. That was twenty years ago.
____________________
We ran through the woods, over the whoopti-do’s on the trails with joyous screams of laughter… the kind that makes you smile from the edges of your mouth, clear up to your eyes. We’re all around 10-12 years old… zooming around the trees and bushes. I’d run down a whoopti-do, catching speed, and then run up another and I’d launch through the air to the next one. It was a little weird though, I couldn’t make out the faces of the other kids I was playing with, but it didn’t seem to bother me. Don’t even know how many of us were there, but we were having so much fun.
The next thing I know, the doctors are asking me, “Does this hurt? Now, does this hurt? What day is it? Do you know where you are? Do you know your name?
Me: No, No, Friday, I’m in a hospital, Paul. – “Uh, hey doc, how’d it go- is my shoulder all fixed up?”
Doc: “Well, not sure, we had a complication…”
[PAUSE]
You see, I was forty years old and went in for routine shoulder surgery to remove an impingement in my AC joint (shoulder) so I could make this particular rock-climbing move with an inverted hand jam.
Turns out, I’d flatlined five minutes into the surgery, and for the next five and a half minutes of CPR on the operating table, thirteen people worked feverishly to try to bring me back. They were about to give up and call my TOD (time of death).
And I came back, … from playing in the woods with my friends, though I didn’t know who they were. One thing’s for sure, we were happy. And I wasn’t afraid. And ever since then, I’m still not afraid, of death. It was weird. I died. I kind of felt like I should freak out, you know, at least a little. I mean, I did just die. But I couldn’t. I didn’t.
The rest of that day, Friday, was rest and tests, tests, and more tests for me. By all observations, my doctors said I was perfectly fine. Barely a trace of heart trauma enzymes registered. And, I felt fine, emotionally and physically. I should’ve had damage to my sternum, ribs, and heart. Alizah, my better half, came back to the hospital after getting the good news/bad news call from the doctors –your husband is alive, but he died. We’re hanging out in the recovery room together. She’s in a bit of shock. We’re kinda just taking it all in when the anesthesiologist comes to check on me. Everything’s fine in the convo, and then he just bursts into tears, sobbing replaces his ability to talk. I say, “I’m okay. I’m still here and I feel fine.” He gathers himself, gives us the deepest I’m sorry (and relieved) look and then leaves us to be together. It was pretty surreal.
I felt really bad for Alizah. She got all the emotional trauma out of this. Me, as far as I know, I’m just still happy to be on this earth, especially, that I’m still with her. That night, she slept in the terribly uncomfortable reclining chair next to my hospital bed. My only discomfort, well other than terrible heart-wise hospital food, my low back was super sore. Apparently, they’re not very gentle with you when they move you around during CPR. Go figure. The part of me that should have hurt, felt perfectly fine, my chest, my heart.
It’s Saturday now, and the second chair of Swedish heart surgery comes to check on me. She’s completely baffled and says it’s more like nothing happened to me. But she also says I can’t be released until Sunday for some regulatory reason for people with a heart issue. My day included testing… testing and testing again, a repeat of yesterday, well, until I went to fall asleep that night.
I’d insisted to Alizah that she go home and get some good sleep and that I would see her tomorrow. Laying in the (hospital) bed alone in the room, one massive feeling and awareness landed on me. Consumed me. Not fearfully, but more like in a heavy state of complete and inescapable awe. I could’ve never seen her (Alizah) again on this earth. I could’ve never been with those I loved on this earth, again.
I don’t know how many hours I sat in that space, but then, I blurted out these words, “That would’ve f##king sucked!” Sometime thereafter, I finally slept.
Death wasn’t the terrible thing. It was not being amongst people you love, who love you. That’s what death meant. On the other side, was joyous laughter and play, a place that triggered no fear whatsoever. But there, I would be apart from those I love on this earth.
The faceless angel that Crystal, from our favorite Sushi place, gave us after our yellow lab George died. I’d never talked with anyone except a select few about the faceless children I’d played with.
Monday comes and I’m back to work. People walked into my office, “Why are you here at work today, shouldn’t you be taking time off?” I responded that I was fine and that this was a far better alternative than the alternative. And I only told a couple of my close-circle peeps about the woods. I made my follow-up doctor’s appointments. Wednesday came, and I was seen by the Chief of Cardiac Surgery at Swedish Hospital. After the full battery of tests and stuff again, I apparently had the healthy heart of a 30-year-old in a 40-year-old body. At the end of our appointment he said, “if you wanted to have another surgery tomorrow to finish it up, I’d say go ahead. But, I’m guessing you’ll pass on that (with a smile).”
A few days later, I had my follow-up with my shoulder surgeon. I wanted to thank him for bringing me back. Dr. Charles Petersen, back then he looked kinda like how Clint-Eastwood-looks-today. And he sounded like him too. Here’s what he said to me after I said thanks for bringing me back Doc.…
“Oh hell (or well), we didn’t bring you back… you came back on your own. We were trying to figure out how we were going to tell your wife.” I’m sure I gave him a rather puzzled look because, he said it again, “You came back on your own.” And, all in a Clint Eastwood-like voice and cadence!
After a pause of, oh shit, surprise, I said, “Anybody ever tells you that you sound like Clint Eastwood?” He responded with a sideways wry smile. And I followed up with, “Well thanks anyway.” Then he said, “You can thank me for not letting the EMTs put you into a coma.” Again, my face must’ve had that WTF look. He continued, “It got pretty tense and heated when they barged in and wanted to put you into an induced coma. You were awake, and I was prepared to get into a fight. That EMT was a big musclebound numbskull. That had me a little nervous. But having you possibly die twice was not going to happen.” We laughed a little together and I thanked him for that.
Between my death and that appointment, I’d simply considered things as they brought me back. They’d done just enough to get me back from a bad reaction to an anesthetic cocktail. Heck, we all sign the release forms. But that wasn’t the case.
“I came back on my own.”
I met respectful Swami Dayananda Saraswati ji (a trendy teacher of Advaita Vedanta) in 2005 – a period of my life wrapped in turmoil and angst. His residential retreats that taught Upanishads and Bhagavad Gita by the banks of the river Ganga, his benevolent disposition in granting me special one-on-one audiences, and even allowing me to even cook for him in his kitchen, brought the much-needed clarity, love, and grounding I needed.
He used to say: “You do not just wake up and become the butterfly. Growth is but a patient process”. These words still light me up!
Editor’s Note: Please join Minnku is adding your kindness story to our HUMANKINDNESS SHOWCASE.
Are you a person who needs things to be perfect? Do you try to have a perfectly clean house, a perfectly spotless car, perfect kids, a perfect spouse, a perfect hairstyle, perfect wardrobe? Does absolutely everything of yours need to be perfect?
If so, you are not only putting a lot of pressure on yourself, you are putting pressure on everyone around you as well. The quest for perfection is a nightmare! It can lead to extreme stress and to procrastination. Most people I know who have perfectionistic tendencies are big procrastinators. They won’t do something until they have the perfect time, perfect amount of time, and perfect circumstances to do it, thus, it never gets done. Then, they feel bad about not getting it done, become more stressed, and their self-esteem suffers. They can’t go forward because they aren’t perfect enough.
If this describes you in any way, you need to realize that perfection is an implausible goal. Given the speed at which our lives are being lived, it is impossible to do everything .. much less do it perfectly.
Give yourself a break! Get over your need for perfection! Realize that excellence is good enough!
We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.
–Charlie Chaplin
In a world often dominated by negative headlines, imagine flipping the script and replacing all the bad news with stories of kindness in action. Instead of tales of conflict and disaster, picture a news cycle brimming with accounts of everyday heroes, random acts of compassion, and communities coming together to uplift one another. This shift in focus could not only brighten our daily outlook but also inspire a ripple effect of goodwill, reminding us of the inherent decency in humanity and the positive impact we can all have on the world around us.
“When you get where you’re goin’, Don’t forget to turn back around, Help the next one in line. Always stay humble and kind …” ~ Tim McGraw
We’re eager to hear your stories about compassion and generosity in everyday life. Kindness can manifest in countless ways, big and small, and we’d love for you to share your experiences with us. Perhaps you’ve witnessed a neighbor shoveling snow from an elderly person’s driveway without being asked. Maybe a coworker surprised the office with homemade treats on a particularly stressful day. Or you might have been touched by a stranger who helped you carry groceries to your car when your hands were full.
Small acts, when multiplied by millions of people, can transform the world.
– Howard Zinn
CLICK TO SHARE YOUR STORY OF HUMANKINDNESS WITH THE UNIVERSE
What moments of human goodness have you witnessed this week, this month, or this year that have touched your heart or renewed your faith in humanity? CLICK ABOVE and tell us about those moments so we can spread the warmth of goodness across the universe by adding your story to our global HUMANKINDNESS showcase.
“I think of legacy as the weaving together of our stories passed on as a whole,” says Haida storyteller Cohen Bradley. Highlighting the significance of potlatch ceremonies (or gift-giving feasts) and other Indigenous traditions of the Haida Nation, Bradley shares why we all should prioritize our collective legacies — and how they live on through the stories we tell.
The adage, “You’ll never rise any higher than your self-identity,” is more than just a pithy phrase; it’s a profound blueprint for personal elevation. It’s a declaration that our internal compass dictates the trajectory of our external reality.
Our self-identity is the foundation upon which we construct our lives. It’s the lens through which we perceive opportunities, challenges, and our own capabilities. We become architects of our destiny when we believe in our potential, laying bricks of confidence and determination with each passing day. Conversely, a limited self-perception can be a self-imposed ceiling, restricting our aspirations and actions.
Imagine your self-identity as a garden. Nurtured with care, it blooms into a vibrant oasis of possibilities. But if neglected, it becomes a barren wasteland. Every thought we cultivate, every action we take, is a seed planted in this garden. Over time, these seeds grow into the lush landscape or the desolate expanse of our reality.
To ascend to greater heights, we must embark on a journey of self-discovery. Who are you, truly? What are your passions, your strengths, your values? Delving deep into these questions is akin to exploring uncharted territories. It’s a process of peeling back layers, revealing our core essence.
Once we uncover our authentic selves, we can begin to reshape our identity. This isn’t about discarding our past or pretending to be someone we’re not. It’s about consciously choosing the narrative we want to live by. It’s about rewriting the script of our lives, replacing limiting beliefs with empowering ones.
Remember, self-identity is fluid, not fixed. It’s a dynamic entity that evolves with experiences and growth. Every challenge overcome, and every goal achieved, is an opportunity to redefine ourselves. It’s about expanding our comfort zones, stepping outside of our perceived limitations, and embracing the unknown.
The path to self-elevation isn’t always smooth. There will be setbacks, doubts, and moments when it feels easier to retreat to familiar ground. But it’s in these challenges that we discover our true resilience. By persevering we not only overcome obstacles but, also strengthen our belief in our abilities.
So, let us be the architects of our destinies. Let us design lives filled with purpose, passion, and fulfilment. Let us cultivate self-identities that are as vast and inspiring as the sky. Remember, the altitude of your life is determined by the foundation you build within. It’s time to lay strong bricks and reach for new heights.
The question is not, “Can you rise higher?” but rather, “How high are you willing to build?”
The concept of self-identity often occupies a nebulous space in our minds. We know it’s important, but its role in shaping our lives can be elusive. Understanding that “You’ll Never Rise Any Higher Than Your Self-Identity” is not just an adage but a profound truth, is essential for anyone seeking to unlock their full potential.
Self-identity is the mental and emotional framework we construct about who we are. It amalgamates our beliefs, experiences, values, and perceptions. From a young age, we start piecing together our identity from the influences around us—family, friends, culture, education, and personal experiences.
Imagine self-identity as the blueprint of a building. The stronger and more detailed the blueprint, the more impressive the final structure. A shaky or incomplete blueprint results in a fragile, precarious building. Similarly, a weak or negative self-identity limits our ability to grow and achieve our aspirations.
Self-identity acts as an invisible ceiling that caps our achievements. Consider this: no matter how much external motivation you receive if your internal identity doesn’t align with success, you’ll struggle to reach your goals. It’s like trying to build a skyscraper on a foundation meant for a cottage. The ceiling is not a physical barrier but a mental one, dictating our potential based on what we believe we are capable of.
Our self-perception drives our actions. If you perceive yourself as capable, confident, and resilient, you’re more likely to tackle challenges head-on and persist through difficulties. Conversely, if you see yourself as inadequate or undeserving, you’ll shy away from opportunities and give up easily. This self-fulfilling prophecy illustrates the profound impact of self-identity on our lives.
Consider successful individuals—entrepreneurs, athletes, artists—many of whom credit their success to a strong sense of self. They envision themselves as winners long before they achieve external success. This inner vision fuels their drive and keeps them moving forward, even when faced with setbacks. Saying affirmations boost their willpower. It’s like an exercise for your brain to stop focusing on the negative and intentionally focus on the positive thoughts and beliefs.
Breaking Through the CeilingSelf-Reflection: Begin by understanding your current self-identity. What are the beliefs you hold about yourself? Are they empowering or limiting? Honest introspection is crucial.
Reframe Your Narrative: Change the story you tell yourself. Replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations. For instance, instead of saying, “I can’t do this,” tell yourself, “I’m capable of learning and growing.”
Set Incremental Goals: Achieving smaller, manageable goals builds confidence and gradually expands your self-identity. Celebrate these victories and use them as stepping stones.
Surround Yourself with Positivity: The company you keep influences your self-perception. Surround yourself with people who uplift and encourage you, rather than those who reinforce negative beliefs.
Continuous Learning: Embrace a growth mindset. Believe that your abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work. This shift in perspective can drastically alter your self-identity. Be teachable.
Visualization: Regularly visualize your success. Imagine yourself achieving your goals, experiencing the emotions associated with success, and living the life you desire. This mental rehearsal strengthens your self-identity. Additionally, the enthusiasm it builds will help you overcome obstacles easily.
Your self-identity is a dynamic construct, not a static one. It evolves with your experiences, choices, and deliberate actions. By consciously shaping your self-identity, you can break through the invisible ceiling and rise to new heights.
Remember, the journey of self-identity is ongoing. Each day presents an opportunity to redefine who you are and what you’re capable of achieving. Embrace this journey with curiosity and determination, and watch as you rise higher than you ever thought possible.
The self is not a static entity, but a living, breathing canvas upon which the strokes of experience, emotion, and aspiration blend to create an ever-evolving masterpiece. It is a kaleidoscope of colours, constantly shifting and refracting light in new and unexpected ways. The journey of self-discovery is not about finding a definitive answer but rather embracing the beautiful complexity of being human. Ultimately, the self is a constellation, a dynamic interplay of stardust and shadow. We are born of cosmic matter, shaped by terrestrial experiences, and illuminated by the ethereal flicker of consciousness. Our identity is not a fixed point, but a celestial dance, a perpetual becoming where the boundaries between self and universe blur and intertwine. Perhaps the greatest discovery is not who we are, but the infinite potential of what we can become.
What if you knew that the way to access the very best in yourself – the light side of your humanity – was by facing your darkness?… One of the most powerful turning points in life comes when we begin to understand the shadow as a great teacher. In darkness, it waits for the light of our own awareness – to be seen, heard, understood, and embraced. And as we learn to accept and care for all parts of ourselves, we grow and evolve into our best selves. Gradually coming to love the shadow gives us access to the wisdom that it holds for us at its core – the secret gems we find when we dare to open the hidden door of the shadow.
“We underestimate the power of our own generous actions,” says Asha Curran, CEO of the global generosity movement GivingTuesday. Sharing stories of people making a difference through simple acts of kindness, she shows how generosity, even in its simplest forms, can be a transformative force — and explains why we all benefit from a world grounded in giving.
Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.
~Henri Nouwen
When France and Argentina met in the 2022 World Cup final, it was an incredible contest that many dubbed the “greatest World Cup match in history.” As the final seconds ticked off in extra time, the score was tied 3-3, sending the soccer teams to penalty kicks. After Argentina scored the winning goal, the nation erupted in celebration. More than a million Argentineans overwhelmed downtown Buenos Aires. Drone footage spread across social media showing this raucous, happy scene. One BBC report described how the city quaked with “an explosion of joy.”
In this fast-paced world filled with constant demands and stresses, it’s all too easy to lose sight of the simple joys in life. We get caught up in the daily grind, rushing from task to task, obligation to obligation, rarely taking the time to pause and truly appreciate the small wonders around us. However, when we make the conscious choice to slow down and be present, an entire universe of joy awaits to be rediscovered.
Discovering authentic joy requires us to step outside of our whirlwind minds and come home to the beauty of the present moment. It asks that we cultivate a sense of wonder, curiosity, and gracious appreciation for the miraculous embedded within the seemingly ordinary. With a commitment to mindfulness and an open heart, we can unearth the magic of finding joy in the simplest of life’s details. And in doing so, we awaken to the truth that we are surrounded by an abundance of reasons to feel grateful and fully alive each day.
What Sparks Your Joy?We recently reached out to people across the universe in search of a brief (video) answer to one simple question: “What Sparks Your Joy?”. The end result became the foundation for our JOYFEST 360° Signature Edition – a celebration of those sparks – the little moments, experiences, and perspectives that bring light to people’s lives. Their answers, conveyed with candor, humor, and heartwarming insight, remind us to appreciate the easily overlooked sources of wonder around us.
In this kaleidoscope of human experiences, we discover that joy comes in countless forms – but it’s always there if you take a moment to focus on it. So pause, and let these stories of Joy inspire you to notice and nurture your own sources of everyday delight – perhaps inspiring you to seek your “explosion of joy”.
Recently, I celebrated a significant milestone—my 60th birthday! As I reflect on this moment, I’m overwhelmed with immense gratitude. How swiftly the years have flown by!
During the celebrations, I experienced an extraordinary sense of love and connection. It felt as though every cell in my body was infused with unconditional love. This profound feeling of gratitude brought immense joy and peace to my heart, reminding me of the beauty that life holds when we open ourselves to receive it.
I cherished every moment spent with my family—the laughter, the smiles, and the warm embraces. We enjoyed morning walks along the beach, heartfelt conversations under the shade of our umbrella, delightful swims in the Gulf of Mexico, a serene sunset cruise, and shell hunting in the crystal-blue waters. Each experience was a reminder of the breathtaking beauty of God’s creation and the love that surrounds us.
It dawned on me that this connection and joy are not limited to special occasions. They are always available to us if we choose to see and embrace them daily. Living with awareness is the key.
As we move forward, I invite you to join me in this practice of embracing immense gratitude. Close your eyes, recall a moment you cherish, and let that feeling fill you. This mindset of appreciation not only enhances our own lives but also helps us see more positivity in our world.
Take a moment to identify something in your life that you truly appreciate. Foster and nurture this immense gratitude and watch as it inspires you to open your heart to the abundance of love surrounding you.
Let’s continue to support each other in finding and acknowledging beauty every day. Thank you for being a part of my community. Here’s to more mindful moments together!
With love in my heart,
Nancy
Progress has not followed a straight ascending line, but a spiral with rhythms of progress and retrogression, of evolution and dissolution.
~ Goethe
As Goethe inferred, life is not a straight ascending ride but more like a universal roller coaster—an endless continuum of dips, rises, and spirals; of beginnings and endings . . . successes and failures . . . wins and losses . . . setbacks and advances . . . good days and bad days . . . peaks and valleys . . . light and darkness. In the human realm we can’t have one without the other because we need the contrast of one to give meaning to the other. We just need to remember that this is so and to keep moving, whether we are on an “ascending or a bending” part of the ride. Life is rife with changes and challenges that perpetually come and go.
Throughout the ages masters have described this universal principle as the “heartthrob” of Life, always pulsating in a circular manner that serves the creation, evolution, and, ultimately, the dissolution of all living things. What matters is our perspective of the process and understanding as to how it affects every area of our lives. The ancient wise ones have reminded us that all that “is” has a beginning and an end, where there is a period of rest (or restoration) between what was and what shall be. But they never described that period as a permanent stopping place. Just as the planets have cycles, our lives have cycles: day ends with night, night with day; summer ends with fall, fall with winter, and on it goes. In short, life is one wild ride on a universal spiral. The secret of the ages has been to experience the ride, the beginnings and the endings, the good and the bad, and not get consumed by either the positive aspects or the negative. But how do we do this in a world where there appears to be so much chaos that pummels our senses and pulls us in every direction? The practice is called “The Wisdom of Equanimity.”
Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better to take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.
~ Carl Jung
Equanimity is defined as “mental or emotional calmness or equilibrium.” In the context of this writing, equanimity allows us to stand where we are on the ride of life and simply “be” with it. In other words, equanimity is detached observation; it is the practice of being mindfully aware whether we are leaning toward “whatever is” and favoring it, or, pulling away from “whatever is” and disfavoring it and then finding the balance of a neutral position that favors neither. The wisdom of equanimity can be applied when navigating our way through difficult times as well as when dealing with difficult people. It is a mindfulness practice that helps us be the observer of our thoughts and feelings before we act on them in a manner that we may later regret. In Buddhism equanimity might be considered an aspect of walking the middle path because it creates the perfect emotional balance required to stay on the ride and not be seduced by the polarity of life in the human condition.
To cling to the belief that our life is supposed to continually progress in an ascending straight line causes much suffering. If today is a day of curves and bends rather than an ascending straight line, darkness rather than light, sadness rather than happiness, failure rather than achievement, remember that it must have an end just as it had a beginning. Equally important, remember that while it is not to be perceived as permanent, just as a roller coaster stops between rides, there is a period of rest in between the two. Take a breath and fully “be” in that sacred space.
The wisdom of equanimity brings balance to our perspective; it allows us to breathe and experience the sacred gap—the space of what is—that lies between what was and what shall be, knowing as surely as night follows day, this too shall pass. Remember, there will always be more peaks and valleys ahead on the spiral of life. This is truly great news because it means we’re alive . . . and that’s a ride worth staying on.
Just remember to breathe and keep your balance!
Peace, Dennis
We are living in a time of such rapid change that it is truly head-spinning and mind-boggling all at the same time. How do we keep up with the pace of change and the subsequent demands on our time, learning and growth while still being actively engaged in our conscious evolution as a person and as a human collective? The complexity of life today demands that we not just learn new skills, but that we grow in consciousness, becoming more aligned with the true nature of our birthright.
I’ve been committed to my personal growth and that of other people for as long as I can remember. Choosing a career first as a psychotherapist and later as a leadership coach and conscious living teacher, I have discovered that the path of growth in consciousness is anything but a smooth one! It demands more of you than simply going through the motions of life as a passive bystander.
In this article, I will explore some of the signs that clearly indicate that you are growing in consciousness. By this, I mean evolving your perspectives to be more broad and inclusive, while also becoming free from the confinement of the human ego. As you read through these seven signs, look to see where your growth in consciousness has evolved as you have grown over the years.
- An Expanded Experience of Inner Peace
One of the most profound signs of shifting to elevated levels of consciousness is the experience of inner peace. Things that used to be bothersome or stressful no longer have the same power. Instead, inner peace illuminates every aspect of life. Acceptance, serenity and peace transcend feelings of angst, stress, or overwhelm.
- Taking Responsibility for Life
Another sign of shifting to higher levels of consciousness is the realization that happiness and success are choices that come from within. You learn that you are completely responsible for creating the life you desire. As you assume full responsibility for your life, you no longer depend on external circumstances or other people to generate your happiness. Instead, you take full responsibility for your life and make empowering choices that align with your values and higher self. By embracing self-empowerment, you release the multitude of fears and “what if’s” that your ego sends your way.
- Prioritizing Self-Care
An integral part of the journey to elevated consciousness is the acknowledgement that self-care is not selfish, but essential, especially in these fast-paced, demanding times. Over time, you learn to prioritize mental, physical, and spiritual well-being as a central value of your life. By taking care of yourself, you become better equipped to address the needs of others and bring forth your best self. Making time for good nutrition, adequate exercise and rest, quiet time of meditation, reflection, or other spiritual practices are not a luxury but a necessary component of growth and spiritual development that flow naturally from the core of elevated states of consciousness.
- Being Called to Live a Purpose-Driven Life
An essential aspect of growth in consciousness is the realization that life is not just about getting what you want or achieving all of your goals. Shifting to higher levels of consciousness often brings about a deep desire to serve others and live a purpose-driven life. As you do so, you become aware of your unique talents and desires to serve others, and feel pulled to use your gifts in ways that contribute to the well-being of humanity.
Material concerns and external validation become less important as you prioritize sharing your knowledge, wisdom, and expertise with the world. The pursuit of a meaningful life becomes a high priority.
Even with the rapid changes in our world, you don’t feel disconnected or lost but intimately connected to the greater tapestry of life itself. This deeper connection motivates you to live a life of purpose and contribute to the conscious evolution of humanity.
- Embracing Solitude for Growth
In my journey towards higher levels of consciousness, I have come to realize the immense value of spending time alone. Solitude offers a sacred space for introspection, self-discovery, and the ability to hear that still small voice within. As you detach from the noise and distractions of the external world, you create an inner environment conducive to transformation. You come to crave time alone in a new and fulfilling way. The more time you spend in solitude, the more your vibration rises, aligning with the frequency of Divine Intelligence.
- Being Pulled to Make Change
As you grow in consciousness you will find that certain aspects of your life no longer align with the person you have become. This inner transformation prompts the feeling that it is time to make change. Sometimes it is a change in career to bring about more authentic self-expression. Other times people leave marriages or relocate to new regions of the world to pursue an inner call. You feel a deep pull within, urging you to take a leap of faith and step into the unknown. The old ways of being and doing no longer resonate, and you feel compelled to make transformative choices that align with your new sense of self.
- Detachment from the Material World
As you grow in consciousness, you will notice a gradual detachment from the physical and material world. The superficial allure of possessions and material wealth loses its grip. Instead, there is satisfaction in connecting with nature, close relationships, and spiritual endeavors. This detachment doesn’t mean renouncing the physical world completely but rather recognizing its impermanence and placing greater importance on the intangible aspects of life.
As you detach from the material world, you find yourself drawn towards a deeper connection with the Divine presence within. This inner connection provides a source of comfort, guidance, and inspiration, and reminds you of the infinite potential that resides within you. Through practices such as reading, meditation, affirmative prayer, and gratitude, you strengthen your connection with the Divine and tap into the wellspring of wisdom and love that lies within your being.
This simple list is by no means exhaustive. There are so many signs to notice as you embark on the profound and transformative journey to elevated levels of consciousness. It is a journey of self-discovery, and personal and spiritual growth. The signs discussed in this article offer glimpses into this process, but there are other signs to notice as well. You will likely feel an expanded sense of gratitude toward all of life, and a richness in even simple experiences. You feel less stress over simple things, and have a greater ability to get along with all kinds of people. Notice the small, simple changes as you grow, and celebrate your expansiveness.
As you experience inner peace, take responsibility for your life, prioritize self-care, and foster a greater sense of purpose and meaning, you inch closer to our true nature.
By embracing solitude, making transformative changes, and detaching from the material world, you pave the way for a deeper connection with your authentic self and a connection with your spiritual nature. May this journey guide us all towards a life of greater compassion, love, and peace.
It had been a long six months, with relatively few, if any, days off for our entire crew. Yet, we tried to stay warm and keep our minds on the pipeline; which was supposed to be the answer to everyone’s concerns over the soaring cost of fuel, while our need to be home with our families was overpowering. Especially for me, as I had left my wife and children in the lower forty-eight to take this job; hoping the big payout it had promised would once again renew mine and my family’s spirit toward life and allow me to better provide for them.
While almost everyone on my crew was from a local indigenous tribe of people, I had only moved up one week before starting this job; from a little town in Missouri by the name of Doniphan. A town that had a population of about one thousand seven hundred and twelve souls. And it seemed as though each one of them knew of my failures; and how, as a family, we were hurting, but there just wasn’t enough money to go around at the end of the month to make a difference.
Lately, the cold temperatures and shorter daylight hours appeared to be wearing me down more than usual; and with Christmas nearing, my longing to be back home with those I loved made each day that much more wearisome.
But this day had a feeling of excitement about it, as earlier in the day, I and others, those on our crew, and some locals had been invited to a gathering at the home of one of the fellow crewmen for a home-cooked meal and a sampling of a new mead that he had been aging, and I was looking forward to it.
As the workday drew to a close, I was eager to get back to my room, which I had rented from the pipeline company. It wasn’t much, but it had a bed and a small radio, which came in handy for those long nights; when, because of missing my family, sleep would not come, and the silence was deafening. The other crew members living there and I shared a couple of bathrooms with showers, and I was ready for my turn at one of them.
After getting my shower and some clean, warm, dry duds on, I felt as though I could once again conquer the world or at least manage this evening. Pushing back against the loneliness of winter, which had settled in with its long, silent, dark days and nights.
On arrival at my coworker’s home, I was thrown off by the size of the gathering and how well his home accommodated all of us. There were those dressed as I was and others dressed in clothing of another time. A time long ago, but kept alive by folks such as these, who refused to forget their old ways and the stories that were handed down, and that is where this story begins…
As we mingled one with the other while slowly sipping on mead and telling stories, the night slowly perused by us. Many strange tales were told about the job site, including catastrophes, unexplained events, and healings.
According to an old chieftain, his people had passed his story of the Snow Queen down from generation to generation; although it was seldom told in the presence of a white man. Still, as he began to tell his tale, I found myself mesmerized, being drawn in as tight as a bowstring by his every word; while those very words were twisting my logic and understanding into a knot.
And although I knew I hadn’t hit my friend’s mead that hard, his story still took me back to a time shortly after arriving here. While missing my family, I found myself unable to sleep one night, so I got out of bed and, even though very late and in unfamiliar surroundings, I went walking.
After a long while walking and thinking of my family back home in Missouri, I lost track of time. And whether in the body I do not know, or out of the body I do not know, only God knows — I felt as though I was being watched by what I did not know, but it put me on edge, causing the hair both on my neck and arms to stand up as if, by some strange force or power, it had been energized. I walked a bit further before entertaining the thought of turning around, as I thought that I had seen something that I knew, or had at least thought, to be impossible; before it, they vanished.
On my way back, I tried my hardest to reason out what my mind had presumed my eyes to see, but I could not. And I knew I could never speak of it to anyone, lest they think I had lost my mind out in the dark cold of an Arctic night.
But now, listening to the story of this old chieftain, I was beyond perplexed. Had my mind interpreted what my eyes saw correctly? As the thought lingered in my mind, I felt the coldest of chills run down my spine. Was it the Snow Queen riding on her bigger than life lynx that I had seen, after all? Had she appeared as the old man’s story touted to protect me from an unseen or unrecognized danger?
I’ll always wonder and be forever grateful to her.
Hello to you listening on Mercer Island, Washington! Coming to you from Whidbey Island, Washington this is Stories From Women Who Walk with 60 Seconds for Wednesdays on Whidbey and your host, Diane Wyzga.
Imagine that voicing your ideas is an act of creation. When we have the courage to use our voice to speak our mind to say what we mean and mean what we say we have taken a bold and beautiful step toward making happen what we desire. Our best chance of being seen, heard, understood and listened to is by speaking with intention. Together we can find the words you didn’t know you had to speak your ideas with confidence and conviction to make the change you seek.
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Podcaster: Diane F Wyzga & Quarter Moon Story Arts
Music: Mer’s Waltz from Crossing the Waters by Steve Schuch & Night Heron Music
A truly enlightening Friendship Bench. A gathering of friends, fostering good will and togetherness; exploring many horizons. The topic was ‘Expectations’, which expanded beyond………..expectations.
Missions, beliefs, judgement, expectations of oneself or others. Imaginary expectations. Dreams of future desires. Listening within a quantum space is one element visited.
Are people happy if they have personal demands they wish to reach and ultimately accomplish? Demotivated and afraid to re-invent themselves. Synergy with inspiration and expectations. Drive out any negativity and choose a realistic mission. Succeeding being a stem to success.
Are we victims of our own expectations? Essentially, expectations can be positive. Or we don’t achieve what we desired and targeted ourselves.
Power, positive energy. And a two-way street. Works both way. What we expect of ourselves and others.
Applied to others, where our expectations are not reached, can be disappointing; or visa versa of course. And coincidence? I am currently reading Charles Dickens’ ‘Great Expectations’! Quite a lesson, but not all positive!
Aspirational expectations; ultimately positive. Freedom of the gut. Release the power. View others with reality, comparing them with your own emotions and belief in yourself.
Believe in yourself and keep a door open for others.
Our mindset is the cornerstone of well-being. In this week’s Mindful Moment, let’s turn our attention inward and explore our thoughts. Ask yourself:
- Are my thoughts directed towards myself gentle, loving, and compassionate?
- Am I prone to judgment and criticism, both towards myself and others?
- Are my overall thoughts predominantly positive or veering towards negativity?
- Do I infuse my thoughts with gratitude and appreciation regularly?
Positive Thoughts: A Conscious ChoicePositive thoughts are not merely a byproduct but a conscious choice. Let’s break free from negative tape loops and cultivate a mindset that uplifts us and those around us.
Nurture Your Mental Health with Love and RespectYour mind deserves the same love and attention you give your body. Reflect on the questions above with curiosity and non-judgment. Your mental health is as crucial as your physical well-being.
As someone who has dedicated the last two decades to practicing and mentoring in this field, I’ve developed a proprietary coaching methodology that transforms lives by enhancing mindset. If you find yourself in need of assistance, ready to have an expert guide you with research-based tools and techniques to rewire your brain, take the first step.
Invest in your mental well-being; it’s the key to unlocking your fullest potential. I look forward to connecting with you.
Some days, you need to remind yourself about what’s truly important in life. So sit back with a cup of your favorite beverage and give yourself a few minutes to savor this sweet video, which gives you a prescription for happiness in two minutes, starting with “show up.”
Think of the ripple effect that can be created when we nourish someone. One kind empathetic word has a wonderful way of turning into many.
~ Fred Rogers (a.k.a. Mr. Rogers)
When was the last time you considered the impact your words and actions make on others? We seldom take time to sit with this question. If more of us did perhaps the world would be a healthier, happier place for us all. Most of us are aware of the “ripple effect” and how one human being can affect others downstream for generations to follow. Are you ready for a “flash back”? Knowing we all live downstream from those who have come before us I would like to share one such person with you who affected my life profoundly. Depending on your current age, you may or may not remember Mr. Rogers; a television personality whose program was solely dedicated to children, spanning three decades. What put Mr. Rogers in a class all by himself was that he was not on the air just to entertain children but to assist them in becoming better human beings.
One of the greatest dignities of humankind is that each successive generation is invested in the welfare of each new generation.
~ Fred Rogers
A movie starring Tom Hanks was released in 2019, Won’t You Be My Neighbor?, documenting the impact (or ripple effect) of Mr. Rogers. Recently, as I watched the movie on Netflix, I had an instant flashback to how Mr. Rogers affected my life and my daughter’s as well. I thought back to 1986 and remembered how Merritt and I would begin each morning together by watching Mister Roger’s Neighborhood on television. We continued this practice until she was about seven years old. We also watched Sesame Street, which was great for learning unfamiliar words and simple math skills, but what Fred Rogers could convey to children went far beyond proper grammar and addition. He taught his TV family of children (and a few of us older kids) how to experience our emotions and feelings. He ignited a spark of joy in children’s hearts, empowering them to experience happiness and teaching them the art of expressing emotions affirmatively.
It’s Always About Love
Love is at the root of everything; love, or the lack of it.
~ Fred Rogers
What hooked my attention most was his willingness to live and teach from his own sense of connectedness to life and others; by example, he showed us the true meaning of friendship, generosity, kindness, respect, compassion and, most importantly, unconditional love. His message consistently centered on love. By his example, he reminded us love is the genuine root of everything good, everything that connects us and makes us better human beings. That was a lesson I have never forgotten. What better legacy could he leave to future generations?
Fred Rogers passed in 2003. Wherever it may be, the neighborhood in which he now lives is a better place because of his presence there. I know that my grown daughter, who is now 39 years old and has two children of her own, carries a piece of Mister Rogers within her heart and soul. I have confidence that as a wholistic physician specializing in womens reproductive health, those whom she will serve for many years to come will reap the benefits from the time she spent hanging out in a particular neighborhood so many years ago. That is the power of the ripple effect, the difference one person can make. Here’s to Mister Rogers. Because, as I have learned, healthy and happy kids grow into healthy, happy, and compassionate adults, and that’s what our world can always use more of—especially now.
Featured Image courses of Terry Arthur (given in “eBay (v1)”), Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons
Dearest hearts there are no words we can offer that will make endings feel good because endings often feel as though you’ve failed. However, if you stop focusing on what has ended and place your attention on what’s been gained, you’ll gift to yourselves an easier transition from ending to beginning.
If you’re able to see a new awareness, then you’ve successfully completed the situation
Begin by reclassifying endings. Instead of declaring, “This relationship, situation, way of being has ended and therefore I have failed.” Say instead, “Even though this has ended, I have grown because of the experience.” Now take a moment to remember yourself as you were and compare it to how you are now. Take a moment to appreciate all that you have learned, gained, and recognized about yourself and your approach to life. If you’re able to see a new awareness, then you’ve successfully completed the situation.
Stop measuring your progress by the number of mistakes made and begin understanding that getting it wrong is often a necessary part of getting it right
Being aware doesn’t mean you handled the situation perfectly all of the time. You may have been manipulated, tricked, or agreed to do something that wasn’t in alignment with your highest good, let it go. Stop measuring your progress by the number of mistakes made and begin understanding that getting it wrong is often a necessary part of getting it right. Growth is never about always moving in an upward trajectory. Growth happens when you’re willing to expand, honor, and offer to yourself the possibility of becoming more.
A negative, painful pattern repeating is not an indicator that you should have known better, it’s a request for help. Your psyche is asking you to get help to break out of this toxic behavior
Some of you may be saying, “I didn’t progress at all. This situation took me backward. I knew better but I still got used.” To that statement, we say, “If you had truly known better you would have done better.” Therefore, a negative, painful pattern repeating is not an indicator that you should have known better, it’s a request for help. Your psyche is asking you to get help to break out of this toxic behavior. The growth you achieved, in this case, is not to have overcome a former debilitating pattern but rather to become aware that that pattern exists and is causing unnecessary hardship. Awareness is the first point of change. Therefore, your growth from this situation is your newfound ability to see and understand there’s a problem.
If you insist you’ve failed when you repeated a toxic cycle then you’ve just made it harder to break free
If you allow yourself to win by recognizing your growth, you’ll make it easier to continue winning. If you insist you’ve failed when you repeated a toxic cycle then you’ve just made it harder to break free. By seeing yourself as a failure, you’re condemning yourself to the failure space. You’re invoking the law of attraction to bring you more reasons to feel bad, call yourself a failure, and face painful endings. At the same time, you’ve made it impossible to accept bright beginnings.
You are the deciding factor during every part of your life. If at any time you want to change the circumstances you’re experiencing you must begin by changing the internal dialogue, the emotional resonance, and your willingness to be in alignment with your Divine source.
To begin something with hope for the future, you much believe it’s possible for things to improve, you must see yourself as worthy of deserving good things, and you much allow yourself to receive the support you need to succeed. If you’re committed to seeing yourself as a failure, you’ll make sure to self-sabotage until that vision becomes your reality. You are the deciding factor during every part of your life. If at any time you want to change the circumstances you’re experiencing you must begin by changing the internal dialogue, the emotional resonance, and your willingness to be in alignment with your Divine source. Anything is possible but you must be in energetic agreement with it before it can become part of your awareness.
It’s inevitable that things will end, whether those endings become doorways to new opportunities is up to you
This means you’re the determining factor. It’s not other people or what’s happened to you that decides the outcome, it’s how you choose to interact with what is that matters. It’s inevitable that things will end, whether those endings become doorways to new opportunities is up to you. An ending says, “This is complete.” It does not say, “You are a failure.” You decide whether complete means you’re ready for something new and you’re proud of all that you’ve learned or whether you say, “I failed again, maybe it’s time to stop trying.”
Recognize it’s your energetic contribution that makes a difference
A new beginning is available at the start of each day. It comes as a blank slate waiting for you to decide how you want to influence it. Conversely, the end of every day does not have to include pain, worry, fear, or anxiety. Recognize it’s your energetic contribution that makes a difference. If you want a bright beginning honor yourself by looking for what’s right and focusing on everything that brings you joy. If you want a painful ending that will make you feel like a failure refuse to see how much you’ve grown and how worthy you are of receiving.
Allow yourself to learn from your experiences, to recognize what you’ve done well and what you’d like to change
There’s no outside force, nothing is out to get you, and there’s no reason to fear you’re a failure. Endings can be painful, life can hurt but the pain is not meant to destroy you. Allow yourself to learn from your experiences, to recognize what you’ve done well and what you’d like to change. Once you recognize you have completed but not failed, you’ll be able to open to new possibilities and bright beginnings.
Right now the world seems somewhat bleak, we are fearful and angry, living in unprecedented times and life is desperate and unfair for many, all of which means that it is difficult to remain hopeful and to have faith that our actions, our words, our thoughts can make a difference.
But we must remember that they can.
The reality is, that since the beginning of modern history, most of our challenges have been unprecedented, humanity has suffered enormously, life is unfair and random and often cruel, but yet the human race is still here, we have evolved beyond all imagination and the lives of many have improved immeasurably.
So, during these difficult times, I thought it would be good to remind ourselves of what us mere mortals are actually capable of by looking to the past for inspiration.
It was 1993, Andrew Sullivan, a journalist was diagnosed with AIDs. It was a truly terrible time – there was no cure, the deaths were desperate and lonely and prejudice was rampant.
So, Andrew took himself off to die. But he decided that it was important for him to leave some kind of legacy, a note that he had been here and his parting birdsong, was to write a book and that book was called ‘Virtually Normal’. And that book suggested a totally unthinkable thing at that time, that gay people should be able to get married. Andrew was acutely aware of the shame and subsequent self-hatred that so many gay people were unfairly and inhumanely forced to live with and could see no other way, in which gay people could be freed.
When the book came out, it was harshly criticised, by both right wing parties and the gay community. Andrew thought his work had all been for nothing and he would die not having made a difference.
It is now 27 years since that book was published, Andrew is alive, his book sparked a movement and was quoted in a key supreme court ruling in the US, declaring marriage equality for gay people. Andrew also received a letter from the president of the USA, telling him that the fight for gay marriage, succeeded in part because of him. He was invited to the Whitehouse for dinner and that President was black.
Enormous changes happen because seemingly ordinary people think the unthinkable and then have the courage, faith and passion to do something about it.
So, today and every day, please think the unthinkable and keep the faith that your actions, your thoughts and your words will make a difference to someone, somewhere.
P.S. I read this story in Johan Hari’s book ‘Lost Connections’ one of the few books I would say was definitely life changing for me as is his new book ‘Stolen Focus’.
With love
Nik x
We are not going to be able to operate our Spaceship Earth successfully, nor for much longer, unless we see it as a whole spaceship and our fate as common. It has to be everybody or nobody.
~ Buckminster Fuller
Without a doubt, Bucky Fuller was a visionary and futurist. He cared deeply about humankind and this planet. Describing our planet as Spaceship Earth, he referred to each of us as its passengers. He also reminded us that Spaceship Earth came with no instruction book. Where we are headed as a species depends on how well we navigate, maintain and preserve the vessel upon which we are traveling and, to accomplish this, we need to work together at steering the vessel. When we make conscious and intentional choices to honor Mother Earth, we move from being passengers to crew members on this beautiful blue pearl of a planet—and we also ensure that our children’s children for seven generations to come will have safe and healthy passage aboard Spaceship Earth.
April 22nd is Earth Day—a day dedicated to the remembrance that we are each the one who make the difference regarding the future of our precious planet.
Bucky was correct in saying, “It has to be everybody or nobody.” With the immensity of the problems our planet faces, it’s overwhelming to consider the fact that we each have a role to play that is, in no way, insignificant. What can we do today to move from being a passenger to a crew member on Spaceship Earth? It begins by being mindful enough to make sure we are part of the solution, rather than the problem. We can start out by establishing just one simple practice we can commit to every day that allows us to add something positive to the planet. It might be something as simple as making sure our trash and recyclables get in the correct bins, or conserving water by turning off the faucet while brushing our teeth. Being a crew member on Spaceship Earth is not a difficult thing to do—it’s about intentionally living each day with a sense of gratitude for the gift of life itself and making reverence, mixed with a bit of humility, a daily mindfulness practice.
Consider the fact that the planet is a sacred living, breathing organism, just as we each are, and we literally draw our life essence from it, breath by breath, one moment, one hour, one day at a time. This also includes the food we eat and the water we drink that sustains our body. With a bit of help from the Creator, all that we are physically comes from Mother Earth. The question is, are we treating her as well as she is treating us? There are undoubtedly many ways to give back something life-affirming to the source that sustains and selflessly grants us life every day. Thinking about it this way makes every day Earth Day… and that is a beautiful thing.
Welcome to the crew.
Peace, Dennis
Which of these experiences resonate with you? Use this checklist to see if your life is being driven by an avoidance of feelings and emotions.
Do you…
- overthink
- people please
- control (yourself or others)
- manage conversations — pre-planning, pre-empting, second guessing, carefully crafting
- avoid conflict
- avoid topics that trigger you
- find emotions overwhelming
- feel calm, calm, calm then erupt
- power on through then collapse
- fawn and shrink assuming you’re less
- take responsibility, self-blame, self-judge
- over-work
- have a busy mind
- hold back from speaking up and engaging
- chase elusive work-life balance
- seek approval out there
- feel unworthy, incapable or unlovable
- have patterns in your life that inexplicably repeat
If you’ve said yes to even one of these, then you need to meet the emotions you’re avoiding.
Let me re-phrase that, you don’t ‘need’ to. But if you want an easier, more fulfilling, more peaceful, more whole-feeling life — both in yourself, and in your life — then you will want to meet and make friends with the emotions you’re rejecting.
It’s only by turning to face what we fear that we remember our wholeness, and then see that reflected everywhere.
So what do you want? Repeating patterns of experiences you don’t enjoy? Or freedom, ease and authentic expression?
I know my choice!
As soon as you choose YOU, everything else chooses you too. This is the season of YOU.
Much love, Helen
In economic tough times, maintaining a positive outlook and staying motivated can be extremely challenging. The pressure of financial strains, job insecurity, and market volatility can weigh heavy on the most optimistic person. However, it is during these trying periods that our resilience is truly tested. Whether you’re navigating a personal financial crisis, a national recession, or a global market downturn, these strategies can help you weather the storm with your morale intact.
- Setting Realistic Goals
When the economy takes a hit, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and unsure of what the future holds. This is why setting realistic goals, both short-term and long-term, becomes crucial. Take a step back and assess your current situation. Acknowledge the difficulties you’re facing, but don’t dwell on them. Instead, focus on what you can realistically achieve. Maybe it’s cutting down on unnecessary expenses, or perhaps it’s putting in extra effort at work to secure your position. Whatever the case, creating achievable milestones will provide structure and a sense of control during uncertain times.
- Engaging in Continuous Learning
One of the best investments you can make in tough economic times is in yourself. While job prospects may be scarce, investing in your skills and knowledge can open up new opportunities. Take advantage of online courses, workshops, and certifications to enhance your skills or learn something entirely new. Not only will this keep you motivated by providing a sense of progress and growth, but it can also make you more valuable in the job market.
- Surrounding Yourself with Positive Influences
During difficult times, it’s easy to get caught up in negative thinking and pessimism. This is why surrounding yourself with positive influences is crucial for maintaining a healthy mindset. Seek out friends and family who uplift and support you, and limit your exposure to negative news or social media feeds that can bring you down. Surrounding yourself with positivity can help you stay motivated and optimistic, which is essential for overcoming challenges.
- Practicing Self-Care
In times of uncertainty, it’s easy to neglect our physical and mental well-being. However, taking care of ourselves is crucial for maintaining resilience and navigating tough times successfully. Make sure to prioritize sleep, healthy eating habits, and regular exercise. Additionally, practicing self-care activities like meditation, journaling, or hobbies can help reduce stress and improve your overall well-being.
- Helping Others
While it may seem counterintuitive, helping others during tough times can have a positive impact on your own well-being. Volunteering or finding ways to support your community not only helps those in need but also gives you a sense of purpose and fulfillment. This can boost your self-esteem and provide a sense of connection with others, helping you stay motivated and resilient.
ConclusionIn conclusion, difficult times are inevitable, but how we choose to respond to them can make all the difference. By staying focused on our goals, continuously learning and growing, surrounding ourselves with positivity, practicing self-care, and helping others, we can build resilience and navigate through tough times with strength and optimism. Remember, challenges may arise, but they also provide opportunities for growth and development.
Everything passes with time.
Have you ever caught yourself making a snap judgment about someone based on their clothing, accent, or even the music they listen to? We all have. Prejudice, aggression, and violence – these dark aspects of human behaviour seem ingrained in our nature. But what if they’re not inevitable? Let’s delve into the fascinating science behind these behaviours and explore ways to cultivate a more peaceful world.
Our brains are wired for efficiency. We categorize everything, including people. This “in-group, out-group” mentality served our ancestors well, uniting them against threats. However, in today’s diverse world, it can fuel prejudice. A 2022 study in Nature Human Behaviour found that the brain activates the reward centre more when people from our in-group succeed, but punishes betrayal from that same group even more harshly. We crave belonging, and negativity towards outsiders strengthens our internal bonds.
Economic hardship and social anxieties can be a breeding ground for prejudice. A 2021 study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science revealed that people experiencing financial strain were more likely to hold negative attitudes towards immigrants. Fear of losing jobs or resources can make us see outsiders as a threat. Moreover, injustice breeds negative behaviour towards others. Though it can be justified yet it’s always advisable to take the high road. What’s the difference between someone who does wrong and someone who responded back the same way.
A constant stream of “us vs. them” narratives in news and social media can exacerbate these biases. Confirmation bias, our tendency to seek out information that confirms our existing beliefs, gets amplified in echo chambers online. This can lead to stereotyping and demonizing entire groups of people. People are different and will hold different opinions. It is not our job to diminish their identity or to develop a superiority complex. The person who downgrades others consistently reveals his/her insecurities. A confident person will always welcome diverse viewpoints.
From Jerk to Jewel!The good news is, our brains are also incredibly adaptable. We can combat these negative tendencies by Challenging stereotypes. When you find yourself making assumptions, question them. Actively seek out experiences that broaden your perspective. Reflect on why you get triggered by a specific person or situation. Acknowledge your own mistakes or improper behaviour. Stop playing the blame game. Be accountable and responsible.
Put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Read diverse stories, watch documentaries, and have conversations with people from different backgrounds. Acknowledge the fact that we all are different individuals, with our own unique strengths and weaknesses.
It is not always just about you or a single individual or organization. The world does not revolve around you. So, stop glorifying yourself and be humble. What you are blessed with today can be taken away from you tomorrow in the blink of a moment. So, there is nothing to feel so arrogant about. We never know what people are going through in their real lives, so it is always best to be kind.
Working or socializing with people from different groups can break down stereotypes and foster understanding. Communication is a powerful tool, provided you know how to use it. In this digital age, there is no excuse to not communicate properly. It is all about your willingness to invest in that relationship whether personal or professional. When people from different backgrounds open up we realize what was hidden and where we were blinded by prejudice, biases, and even arrogance. A person who struggles in life is far more stronger than one who gets everything easily.
Embrace The Power of “We”. By recognizing our shared humanity, we can build a more inclusive world.
Social psychologist Gordon Allport believed that intergroup contact is key to reducing prejudice. Schools and communities can play a crucial role in creating opportunities for positive interaction. When the foundation is strong, the structure is strong. True strength lies not in crushing dissent, but in the civility with which we engage it. A single act of civility can spark a ripple effect, weaving a tapestry of respect through the roughest of divides.
Prejudice, aggression, and violence may have roots in our evolutionary past, but they are not our destiny. By understanding the forces that shape our biases and actively promoting empathy and understanding, we can cultivate a world where “us” encompasses everyone. Civility is the bridge we build, not to surrender our ground, but to reach common ground.
Cracking the Code of Rudeness!Let’s take the example of why people troll: The Neuroscience Behind Online Nastiness. The anonymity of the internet seems to unleash a beast in some of us. Trolls spew vitriol, conspiracy theories run rampant, and civility takes a nosedive. Why are we so much meaner online than in person? It turns out, our dark side has a fascinating dance with technology, and the answer lies in the murky depths of our brains.
One culprit is the lack of social cues. Studies using eye-tracking technology show we focus less on emotional expressions online, hindering empathy. This disconnect from the human cost of our words emboldens us to be crueler.
Dopamine, the brain’s reward chemical, also plays a role. Upvotes, likes, and the notoriety of getting a rise out of others can trigger dopamine spikes, making negativity strangely addictive. Think of it as getting a twisted pat on the back for bad behaviour.
Social media algorithms can exacerbate the problem. They prioritize engagement, meaning inflammatory content often gets the most traction, creating echo chambers that reinforce negativity. It’s like being stuck in a room where everyone yells the loudest.
But there’s a silver lining. Research by Stanford University suggests virtual reality experiences that foster empathy can actually reduce prejudice. Imagine confronting your online persona head-on – a sobering thought!
Additionally, platforms that require real-name verification or gamify positive interactions could nudge users towards more constructive behaviour. Think of online badges for kindness or “cool down” periods before posting.
The internet is a powerful tool, and just like fire, it can be used for good or ill. Understanding the dark psychology behind online nastiness is the first step towards taming it. By harnessing technology’s potential to foster empathy and build better online communities, we can turn the tide of digital incivility and create a more humane virtual world.
One of my students was recently impressed by the answers of three young children who were asked “What is love to you?” and asked me about whether we could learn from these kids’ answers in our expressions of love as adults.
What did these kids say?* One of the kids answered, “Love is when you give someone most of your candies without forcing them to give you anything back.” In other words, giving what we like for the benefit of others is an expression of love. * The second child answered, “Love is what makes you smile at the other kids when you’re tired.” That is also an expression of love, the intent to raise others’ spirits despite our own feelings of resistance. * The third child answered, “Love is when you wear a shirt all day long that a friend told you was beautiful and that they liked to see.” That is another expression of love, i.e., wishing to please others by doing something for them that you know they like.
Indeed, as adults, we would be wise to learn from these simple expressions of love and implement them in society. However, we have grown up to become people who often demonstrate opposite traits of hatred, belligerence, divisiveness, and indifference, which breed much hardship and suffering in our lives.
The reason for this is the continual growth of our ego—the desire to enjoy for self-benefit at the expense of others—that wishes to devour everything for itself. However, the aforementioned expressions of love do not leave us entirely. They remain as inner potential and an opportunity for us to start developing selflessly, to tread on the overblown ego and realize these simple expressions of love similarly to the children’s explanations, the difference being that as adults, we do so out of awareness and overcoming.
Against the backdrop of myriad struggles and conflicts we find ourselves in today, many of which inflame hatred between us, let us hope that we hurry to find in us the simple innocence of exercising expressions of love to each other and that we seek to create new connections fueled by supporting, encouraging and caring for love to lift us all up above our divisions, i.e., to achieve what is written, that “love will cover all crimes.”
Living in the United States for 25 years has profoundly shaped my identity. Despite maintaining strong ties to my homeland, the experience of spending a quarter-century in a foreign land has been both enriching and transformative.
The United States, often referred to as the land of immigrants, holds a special place for a lot of people around the world, including myself. Immigrants who shaped this country bring with them a spirit of adventure, resilience, and an undying drive for a better life. This nation’s diverse tapestry is woven with the threads of countless stories of individuals leaving behind the familiar to embrace the unknown and I love this country because of it. It always felt like it is the best melting pot and the most welcoming country to all kinds of people.
Having lived here and pondered the origins of countless advancements, it comes as no surprise to me that those who dare to take risks to start a new life also venture into the world of new ideas and innovations.
I do not think it is a coincidence that many inventions happen here and many successful companies start here.
My personal journey in the United States began at the age of three when my father, a medical doctor, came to Massachusetts General Hospital for work. Those two years in Boston left an undeniable mark on him, influencing not just his career but also his worldview. As a family, we returned to Turkey, yet my father’s stories of our American experience continued to shape my upbringing. He would always tell stories of strength, hard work, humbleness that he witnessed here. When I came to live here in my adult life, many of his stories made it easier for me to adapt.
One of the rare moments that left a lasting impression on me from those two years was when my kindergarten teacher took me to the library. I always believe it was a pivotal moment that ignited my love for books, and to this day, it remains my earliest and most cherished memory from that age. That silent and calm feeling of a library paired with the smell of the books stayed with me.
Growing up in Istanbul, I was immersed in American culture through education at a private American school. From there, I pursued higher education at Bosphorus University, where most of my coursework was conducted in English, further solidifying my connection to the American way of life.
Imagine someone who yearns to read every book within the confines of her school library—an array of stories taking place in United States. Now envision this individual growing up under the influence of American educators. That person was me. From the age of 11 to 22, I was immersed in an environment shaped by an American mindset.
At age 18, I revisited the United States, staying with family friends in Boston. Over the years, my ties to this country deepened, to continue with my professional career at IBM.
My experience at a youth camp in Italy during my college years left a deep impression on me. Surrounded by 66 other young individuals from diverse backgrounds and different countries, we shared camaraderie and enjoyed memorable moments together. This encounter ignited within me a longing to live in a place rich in diversity—a desire to experience that sense of global community in my own life. For me, the United States was the natural choice. Where else could I find such a harmonious coexistence of people from around the world, living together happily and peacefully, without bias?
The decision to immigrate permanently, however, came later through the Diversity Lottery program, offering an opportunity for a new chapter in our lives.
The transition wasn’t without its challenges. Both my husband and I had to quit our prestigious well-paying jobs, reboot our careers, accepting positions below our qualifications. Yet, fueled by a desire for new experiences and opportunities for our son, we embraced the uncertainty.
Being in the United States also strengthened my connection to my roots. I felt a sense of responsibility to represent my home country and our culture in the best possible light. I volunteered at several Turkish American associations to build a House of Turkiye, to start a Turkish school for our children not to forget their roots, to get our community together here in San Diego and to help kids in need in Turkiye.
Starting from scratch in the United States and building our lives from the ground up has been a transformative journey. It made us grow since we were out of our comfort zone. Nothing forces you to find your strength as leaving all your identities and what is familiar behind.
Our journey in America has been marked by highs and lows. Only first generation immigrants can understand what it means to feel “in between”. You are too far away from family yet you build your own family in your chosen new home. You miss your country and some ways of living so you go back and forth trying to capture what is best in both. I also feel it is our luck to be immersed in two very different cultures. You see there is no one way of living.
As I reflect back on my 25-year journey in the United States, I find myself embracing a blend of admiration and gratitude for the experiences I’ve encountered. I have a deep affection for Americans. We’ve witnessed the resilience and compassion of the American people, particularly during times of adversity such as natural disasters. Through my friendships with them, I’ve gained invaluable insights. Observing their parenting methods has made me a better parent, as I meld their approaches with my own cultural values. Moreover, I’ve built friendships with individuals from diverse backgrounds, just as I had envisioned. Immersed in the “yes, we can do anything” attitude of Americans, I’ve embraced a mindset of thinking bigger. This newfound perspective propelled me to become a business owner. As someone who loves learning from various viewpoints, I find myself in a state of bliss since I get to hear perspectives of people with diverse backgrounds.
Yet, alongside these sentiments, there exists a profound desire and hope for our nation to serve as a beacon of inspiration for the world. It’s important to recognize that when challenges arise within this country, it’s not just Americans who feel disheartened; it’s also the countless individuals worldwide who have long admired what America symbolizes. I was that person before I came here.
While I’ve come to appreciate the country’s diversity and spirit of innovation, I’ve also grappled with issues such as racism and social division.
Looking ahead, I harbor both hopes and concerns for the future of this nation and the world at large. I wish for a more unified society, where empathy and collaboration prevail over division.
I wish we have a clear vision of where we are headed and who we want to be. I work with individuals and corporations alike to get clear in their identity, their purpose and their vision. I want the same for my chosen country. Today I do not see a clear vision and purpose that unites us all and I know it is possible.
The trajectory of our world, marked by climate change, evolving work dynamics that bring instability to countless people’s lives, persistent income inequality, job insecurity, and the prioritization of profit over human wellbeing, fills me with concern. Due to my work I hear real stories of real people; the struggle is real. It is hard to predict where we will end up with all these changes. Additionally, the challenge of financial planning for longer lifespans adds to the uncertainty. I strongly believe these pressing issues demand a collaborative effort from individuals across diverse fields—ranging from educators and engineers to sociologists and doctors, government officials, and philosophers—to tackle the complexities that lie ahead. I wish United States can take the lead and be an example to the world in these matters. It would have such a big positive impact since a substantial number of people around the world still look here for inspiration.
In the end, my journey embodies the immigrant experience—a blend of resilience, hope, patience and a relentless pursuit of a better life. Knowing that we were able to provide our son a better life fills me with a sense of parental satisfaction. As I look towards the future, I hold onto hope that the next 25 years will bring about brighter days for all of us.
We should have more coffeehouses, more cafes, more “third places.” More places where people can get together that’s not work, not home, and where they can interact with people who are different from them.
~ Eric Weiner
I recognize, I acknowledge, and I am grateful. In French, these three concepts are expressed by one term: “Je suis reconnaissant.” A term that clearly captures my sentiment when it comes to the “third place” that we call Our Friendship Bench. I witness with amazement the magic that transpires week after week. I acknowledge that the magic is borne of the wonderful collection of human beings gathered. And I am grateful to play a small part in the humanity discovered within.
The Third Place: An Anchor of Community in Turbulent Times.In our fast-paced, fragmented modern world, we could all use an uncomplicated gathering spot to relax, make new connections, and be reminded of our common bonds as human beings. This is the role the “third place” plays in healthy community life. The term was coined by sociologist Ray Oldenburg to describe the core settings of public life outside the two usual environments of home (the first place) and work (the second place). Your third place could be the comfortable coffee shop where you’re greeted by name, the corner bar where you join friends for a pint, or the public park where you feed birds while chatting with familiar faces. These neutral gathering grounds serve as a lifeline of sociability in our increasingly impersonal and disconnected times. They are the “great good place,” as Oldenburg called them – welcoming homes away from home that help local communities preserve their identity and social ties.
With the stresses and uncertainty we all face today, having an accessible and accommodating third place is more essential than ever. It provides a calming anchor point, a hands-on reminder of community’s stabilizing presence beyond the impersonal realms of cyberspace and mass media.
In our third place, we are temporarily liberated from the roles, hierarchies, and StatusSphere performance pressures of the workplace and home life. We gather as equal human beings simply looking to make connections over lighthearted conversation and shared experiences. These equalizing places nourish human relationships and a sense of belonging at the grassroots level. They are the modern equivalent of the community well where generations gathered and bonded over mundane routines in a comfortable setting. This communion with familiar faces in a real-world setting is the antidote to social media’s superficial facsimile of connection.
In the words of Ray Oldenburg: “The nature of a third place is one in which the presence of a “regular” is always welcome, although never required. Membership is a simple, fluid process of frequent social contact, renewed each time by choice of the people involved. Eventually, social bonds develop through a type of informal intimacy. The important aspect of these relationships is that they occur outside of any commitment and exist solely in the realm of basic human respect.”
Make Our Place Your PlaceOur third place is called Our Friendship Bench – where more and more people have gathered for an hour or so every Thursday for the past four years. A place where we welcome new friends and old as we connect to a shared reality while cultivating that elusive sense of belonging craved by so many –now more than ever. We invite you to make OUR place YOUR third place. Grab your seat on our virtual Bench any Thursday or every Thursday. No costs. No rigid agendas. No sales pitches. No judgment. No kidding – just a bunch of good human beings rediscovering humanity at its best.
Meanwhile, take a moment to stroll throughthe special keepsake above (recommend that you download) –created to capture the “magic” of our Bench.
If you’re feeling stuck and you’re not quite ready to make peace with some aspect of your past, it might help to shift your perspective a little by asking conscious questions. Sit for a moment with something in your life that you want to move beyond. What questions are you asking? Maybe you’re asking, “Why did this happen?” or “What needs to be forgiven?” or “What did I do to attract this?” If you’re focusing on the pain and suffering, on what someone did wrong, ask yourself some different questions. For example, you can ask yourself, “What’s the story I’m telling myself about this situation? Is this perspective bringing me peace?” If the answer is no, then it might be time for some further questions, such as “What would it take to be free from this?” Sit with this again and again until you can hear the story, see the scene, and recognize how it fits into a larger script.
Ask yourself if it’s possible to live beyond that story. What would it feel like to let go of the story about a person or an event and overcome it? Take a deep breath. Question every point of view. Reflect on your true nature. Living in the question is a powerful practice that we can use to break free from old patterns and live a more conscious life. It’s a powerful tool for conscious creation because it trains you to question the points of view that influence what you notice and how you perceive what you call reality.
Most of us have been trained from a young age to solve problems and “find the answers”—whether that’s the answers on a test at school or the answers to life’s questions. We might even believe that finding the answers is our purpose in life. Many of us move into a spiritual practice with this same intention. We begin our practice by looking for the answers, thinking that if we can just “figure out the meaning of life,” we will be okay. Only the awareness of our true nature can end the mind’s incessant search for meaning.
Many people go through life looking for answers. But an answer-focused approach is steeped in ego; it can’t help but be infused with our personal desires because the thing we are trying to change, whatever that may be, depends on the answer.
We need the answer to work for us. So, whenever we end up finding an answer, it’s limited by our personal bias, our core false beliefs, and/or our judgments.
An answer-focused approach can create conflict on a personal level as well as a global level. When you believe that you have the answer but someone else sees it another way, that means they must not have the correct answer: “I am right, and you are wrong.” That approach creates external conflict. Or, if you believe that there’s an answer out there but that you are unable to reach it, or don’t deserve to reach it, then this creates internal conflict. Almost always, conflict comes from the notion that there is a right and a wrong answer, that someone has the answer and that other answers (and thus other people) are incorrect. Approaching life as a search for the answer can keep you stuck in the comfort zone of your core false beliefs and your small view of the world that assumes there’s only one way, one answer.
It can be challenging to let go of this approach. I certainly thought it was the way to look at things when I first came into spiritual practice. I figured there was a right way to believe and act, and if I could just figure it out, I would evolve spiritually. Then came a beautiful turning point. I don’t know if it was an event or a gradual process, but at some point, I began to open to the possibility that it’s not about coming up with the answer but about living in the question and opening to the great mystery. At some point, I began seeing my purpose not as spiritual growth toward some perfect state but as growing in awareness of a perfection that already is.
We might think of this in terms of science. We can view science as a discipline that shows us facts about the universe and gives us answers. But the answers that science gives are continually changing as scientists evolve. Ideally, science is endlessly open to ever-deeper understanding, and it doesn’t assume to know or even pursue an absolute answer. It’s more about examining questions. That’s what a scientific hypothesis is—a “what-if” question. So, living in the question is like living the scientific method, in an open stance that does not assume that the answers will stand for all time or for all people. Focusing on the question provides a distance between me (the person asking the question) and the answer (whatever it is that I find). Living in the question allows us to approach things from a position of curiosity rather than apprehension, of play rather than urgency.
How exactly do we go about living in the question? It’s quite simple: We ask ourselves open-ended questions that do not start with Why but rather Who, Where, What, When, and How. Our questions might be “Where did this come from?” “Who taught me this?” “How has it been reinforced?” “What does it look like? Feel like?” “Where does this feeling lead me?” “How can I discover what is mine to do?” Being open-ended, these questions cannot be answered with a simple yes or no. They don’t claim to have a simple answer. Life is more nuanced than that. With open-ended questions, we are less likely to create answers based on past experiences and more likely to open to new possibilities. We can open rather than contract. And we can begin to question the situations and stories from our past that have kept us feeling stuck.
Why no “Why” questions? Because Why questions tempt us to immediately search for the answer. With Why questions we’re subtly telling ourselves that there’s some explanation, and if we can just figure that out, things will shift, and life will get better. (It’s interesting that most of the questions we ask from a victim mentality are “Why” questions. “Why is she like that?” “Why are people so stupid?” “Why is this happening to me?” “Why does he treat me like that?”) Why questions often assume that we have been wronged. They assume not only that there is a right answer but that the answer involves our victimization, or our wrongdoing. They close off other possibilities. And if there’s only one answer, then there seems to be only one option. This is the kind of thinking that traps us and limits our freedom.
When we live in the question, we’re not focused on finding the answer. We’re opening to the possibilities, finding a way to expand our consciousness to awaken to a broader view of ourselves and the world.
It’s an expansion of our awareness. When we live in the question our focus is not on change or improvement or reaching some ultimate goal. Our focus is on expanding our awareness of what else is possible. Answers contract. Questions expand.
Here are some ideas for starting this practice: You might bring an open-ended Who, What, Where, When, or How question to your meditation practice. Ask this question and pay attention to what you experience physically, mentally, and emotionally. Stay open to the awareness this brings. In another exercise, you can sit in front of a mirror or face a partner. Set the timer for three minutes, and then present the question to your reflection in the mirror, or have your partner ask you the question. Over the set time, stay open to whatever awareness comes to you. After each short answer comes to you, repeat the question.
Another practice is to focus on a question throughout the day. Pick a question the night before or as soon as you wake up. Then live in that question as you move through your day. For example, if today’s question is, “What more is there for me to see?” then throughout the day you will sit with that question. While you’re in the shower, while you’re waiting for an appointment or sitting in traffic, while you’re preparing dinner, you’ll ask yourself the question and see what organically emerges.
I also again invite you to notice if your questions are empowering or disempowering. If you observe yourself asking disempowering questions, you might want to replace them with questions that open you up to more possibilities rather than cause you to shut down. For example, if you have noticed relationship patterns that feel stuck, you might find yourself asking questions like “Why does this keep happening to me?” or “What’s wrong with me?” By making yourself the victim or the villain, these questions will only reinforce your core false beliefs. More empowering questions might be: “What story does this pattern tell?” “What role do I play in this story?“, “What is the truth of who and what I am?” “How can I allow this to move me forward in my life?” Notice how these questions open you up to the infinite possibilities that this situation contains.
When we live in the question, we might still be interested in answers but not in absolute answers. We allow the question to settle deep into our consciousness, and we wait for possible information. We pay attention to all the places the information might originate. The initial awareness might come from the mind and then it might seem to come from the gut and then from the heart space and then from a much deeper place. My hope for you is that, as you live with the question, possibilities will come to you from a greater place, from a place of acceptance, wholeness, and transformation.
Now, you may be ready to move forward and truly make peace with your past. “I am willing to see this differently. I am light. I am love. I am peace.” Keep sitting in silence with that piece of the past, that thing you want to overcome. Open yourself to other questions, other perspectives. Remind yourself that every moment is an opportunity for you to choose to close off or to open to source, to your unharmed and unharmable self. It’s an opportunity to tap into the powerful invisible realm and start the process of bringing it into your life and into the world. You can come home to yourself and experience ever-present wisdom.
Every Thursday almost without fail when the clock clicks over to 11:30, I click a Zoom link and join a group of outstanding, smart, engaging, warm, wonderful people at Our Friendship Bench.
As a big anniversary approaches for ‘The Bench,’ we fortunate members have been asked to submit a short piece on what The Bench means to us, and why we keep coming back.
I’m honored to be a part of the Bench and as I said, barring wind, rain, dark of night, or plague of computer virus I click the link every Thursday for 60 more minutes of time with my Bench buddies. Why is that?
A few reasons. Someone once said ‘if you’re the smartest guy in the room you’re in the wrong room.’ Bench is thus just the right room for me, as I learn so much every week, gemlike insights into human behavior, reaction, perspective, or resolution. My life has been characterized by an ever-growing and ever more intense desire to know more, more, and yet more. I’m gathering in as much knowledge and hopefully wisdom as possible before the long, dark, and utterly silent night overtakes me, putting a stop to my search. The Bench serves that purpose.
Our Friendship Bench is perhaps the only place I’m able to be utterly vulnerable and openly-sharing with my own feelings and opinions, no matter the topic. To experience criticism or rejection there is inconceivable.
But what brings me back to that Zoom link every Thursday morning is something I realized only recently. The Bench is not transactional. There is give and take, for certain, but never with a commercial and/or monetary bent. No one is required to contribute; no one is discouraged from it. All of us are there for the warm and wonderful opportunity not found in many places today, a venue where we can truly be ourselves, without fear or favor, and are accepted.
It really is that simple, and that rare. The origin of the Bench goes back to pre pandemic times, remember those? Then we found ourselves benched by a microscopic coach demanding an oxymoronic social distancing. So thanks, Dennis and Ali for the welcome, and the amazing experience. Thursdays will never be the same.
Editor’s Note: Grab your seat alongside Byron and so many others any Thursday at 11:30 AM Eastern HERE
Life isn’t always a bed of roses, but it doesn’t mean we can’t cherish the flowers that bloom. Finding the silver linings can often seem challenging for those who live firmly grounded. However, understanding that positivity is not about ignoring life’s nuances but about navigating through them with grace and optimism is a powerful realization. This article is dedicated to those who value a practical perspective but still yearn for the brightness that hope, and joy can offer. Here are three insightful ways to inject more positivity into daily life without losing touch with the world’s realities.
- Gratitude as a Daily Practice
Gratitude is the bedrock of positive living. Each day, take a few moments to reflect on what you are grateful for. While realism tells us that not every day is exceptional, finding even the most minor details to be thankful for can shift our mood. It could be as simple as having a roof over your head or enjoying a delicious cup of coffee. Recognizing these daily blessings helps to frame life in a more positive light.
- Set Realistic Expectations
One of the reasons positivity sometimes feels unreachable is that our expectations often surpass what reality can offer. Instead of setting your sights on an over-the-top dream, try breaking it down into smaller, more achievable steps. No matter how incremental, each success keeps you moving forward while avoiding the disappointment of unmet expectations.
- Embrace Change and Adaptability
Life is unpredictable, and change is inevitable. Instead of fighting against it, learn to embrace it as a natural part of existence. When we resist change, we create unnecessary suffering for ourselves. Adapting to new circumstances with an open mind can reveal unexpected opportunities and lead to personal growth.
Celebrate the Little Wins!!!
In a world that’s constantly connected, sometimes the greatest act of rebellion is to disconnect so we can reconnect with our own inner world, our inner wisdom, and our deeper truths.
–Unknown
We live in curious times. It’s called the “Age of Information, but in another light, it can be called the Age of Distraction. While humanity has never been free of distraction – never have the distractions been so voluminous, so overwhelming, so intense, so persistent as they are now. We have forgotten how to slow down.
Clash of the Titans: Well-Being vs FOMOAh, FOMO, the ever-present fear of missing out. It’s a common feeling in our hyper-connected world, fueled by social media and the constant barrage of information about other people’s exciting experiences. Evidence strongly suggests that taking breaks from our digital devices can significantly benefit our mental and physical health. Yet despite the benefits, few ever actually take that elusive break.
Step back and think for a moment – who do you know (including yourself) that has really (I mean really) gone the extra mile to make it happen? When was the last time you went an entire day without checking email, X/Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, or any other social media channel?
And if you did, was “even just a glance” really enough to get by? What did you miss? How much time did it take to get back on track? Too long, you say? What did you learn or accomplish? Will you do it again, and if so, for how long next time? Or is it simply easier to go with the flow and settle for the “status quo?”
Unplugged: Disconnecting to ReconnectIt sounds like a contradiction, but sometimes you have to disconnect to reconnect. Disconnect – both physically and emotionally – from all those devices, apps, and virtual worlds that constantly steal our attention, satisfying our inexplicable fear of missing something. And reconnect with the real world, with the people we are closest to but leave out, with those activities and experiences that don’t need a screen to be memorable.
Going, Going, Gone: Walking Our Talk (May 15th – July 15th)Yup – as Chief ReImaginator for the global media site, I’ve got a bottomless bucket full of reasonable and rational justifications as to why the concept of and rationale for a digital detox doesn’t apply to me or us, why it simply wouldn’t be practical or possible. But as they say in my wife Ali’s home country of Great Britain, “rubbish” to all that. It’s time for us to walk our talk. No, not for just a few hours, a few days, a few weeks, or as extreme as an entire year – but for eight glorious weeks commencing May 15th, 2024. YES, our Site will still be up and running. YES, our 31,000-plus Article Archives will continue to be accessible. But NO to NEW publishing, NO to email responses, NO to anything compromising our quest to reconnect with each other and what’s really important –until we return on Monday, July 15th.
Finding Our WayCoddiwomple has become one of my all-time favorite words, especially as a metaphor for life. It means to travel purposefully towards an as-yet-unknown destination. Isn’t that what we’re all doing, at the end of the day? Coddiwompling doesn’t mean a lack of direction; quite the opposite. A coddiwompler has peace of mind because they’re not waiting to “become” someone or for something else to happen. They’re comfortable getting lost because they know that’s where the truly worthwhile opportunities and Ahas are to be found.
Our particular coddiwomple will take us over 4,000 miles away from it all, as we begin our 500+ mile walk (“pilgrimage”) across the storied Camino de Santiago. The Camino de Santiago (the Way of St. James) is an extensive network of ancient pilgrim routes stretching across Europe and coming together at the tomb of St. James (Santiago in Spanish) in Santiago de Compostela in northwest Spain.
We’ll be walking “The French Way” or the Camino Franc’es, with the most deep-rooted historical tradition and the most popular one. The Camino Frances is the most famous Camino de Santiago trail, featured in books and movies about the Camino, such as ‘The Way’ with Martin Sheen and ‘The Pilgrimage’ by Paulo Coelho. It stretches over 500 miles from St. Jean-Pied-du-Port near Biarritz in France to Santiago.
The pilgrimage of Camino de Santiago is indeed, our microcosm of coddiwompling. But unlike many, we know that it’s not the real journey. The real Camino is our inner journey. It’s peeling back the layers of who we are. It’s an opportunity to get lost in our thoughts, to gain fresh clarity about our values and priorities, to let go of what no longer serves us… leaving it on the trail. Because when the Camino de Santiago ends, the real Camino (of life) begins. … And that’s our “why” for finding our “Way”.
The whole world feels griefy and there isn’t one word that sums it all up. That feels right to me. It’s too much to be neatly boxed into a word. So it’s no wonder why in the midst of the world of chaos, we find ourselves in, I am often met with cries from heart-centred folks – “I feel so lost, so powerless – what is there for me to do?
My reply, while often feeling too simple and not enough is often this:
MovementTake that sense of helplessness, that raw grief, that overwhelming surge of panic, and that veil of uncertainty, and let it move you. Understand and connect to that beautiful, pulsating heart, bearing the weight of it all, and dance with it. Turn on your favourite Griefy Song, close your eyes, and just move. Then, when your body feels tired and loose, turn on your favourite love song and dance a love song to your wondrous heart. Let it tell you exactly how it feels through the rhythmic ritual of movement. Movement is a profound way to truly grasp all that you are carrying, and it offers a chance to recalibrate your emotional compass toward empowerment.
NourishmentTo cherish yourself and others is to extend the table of humanity just a little further. You cannot save the world, but you can certainly share your love and sadness with all those who feel it too. It speaks, my dear one, to the truth that you alone cannot shoulder the world, but you can reach out a hand to lift another. Gather your dearest companions for a shared meal, a feast for the soul, and engage in discourse that feeds your spirit. Absorb the passion and longing radiating from each heart at the table. Drink deeply of their unique brilliance, and offer them a sip of your own. Such an act of nourishment reverberates, sending ripples of compassion and understanding that can quell road rage, subdue greed, and even quiet the drums of war.
Rest WellThe world needs your fire, your spark to warm the hearts of others. Do not let its flame be smothered by exhaustion. This means rest must be revered, and honoured as a sacred act. We must decelerate, move with deliberate care, and be mindful of where we direct our energy. Reverence requires the unraveling of so many emotions that it’s easy to feel exhausted. Walk a little slower, breathe a little deeper, bring patience into your day, and let rest be the reward.
Activism can be this.It doesn’t have to be demonstrations, petition signing, or funding campaigns. It is nourishing the hearts of those that matter, it’s creating care when the world feels careless, it’s resting so you can support again.
You’re invited to join Grief Advocacy for their guided movement events, available both virtually and in person. These unique evenings are designed to help us explore and navigate our grief through the powerful mediums of art and movement. By engaging in these experiences, you’ll have the opportunity to connect with your grief, uncover your desires, and attune yourself to the physical manifestations of your emotions. Join us here: Exploring Grief through Art and Movement Workshop
Susan (wife/partner/Princess) and I went shopping today. The usual weekly groceries, lunch out, run some errands, the same things we do every week.
Except this week and for reasons unknown we decided to go to a different supermarket. No reason. Reasons not to, really: further away, doesn’t carry our favorites, prices are a little higher, baggers aren’t as careful about heavy on the bottom, light on top, that kind of thing.
We did our shopping. Got pretty much everything we wanted. Picked up a few things that looked interesting. Stopped in the bakery. Sometimes they do a good brioche. Not today, though. We got there too late. Shucks.
We wheeled our cart to the registers. Three free, four not, one with an older woman – I refuse to use “senior” because I am one now – who checked every item she lifted from her cart before slowly placing it on the belt.
She leaned towards the cashier. “I need to know the total with each item.” She frowned more and more as each item slid through the scanner.
“Forty-two sixty. Forty-nine forty-five. Fifty – “
She leaned closer. “I can’t afford that. Please put it aside.”
The cashier did. The next item went through. “Fifty – “
“I can’t have that, either.”
The bagger stopped grabbing foodstuffs and checked his phone.
Another item. “Fifty – “
“No, thank you.”
The woman looked at the things still in her cart and pushed it forward. “I can’t get these. I’m sorry.”
The bagger pushed the cart to the restock area.
I stood at the front of our cart, my usual position, so I can put the gallon jugs of water and similar items on the belt. “Excuse me, miss. I don’t mean to offend.” I pointed at the items now over to the side. “Do you need those?”
“No, no. It’s okay.”
“Because we’d like to give you those as a gift.”
She looked up at me. Her brow furrowed.
“A gift. No need to thank us. No need to tell us who you are. A gift.”
She pointed at one item on the side. “Could I have that?”
“Please take both with our thanks.”
Her chin quivered. “Really?”
Susan nudged me. “Do you want those things in your cart?”
“Are you sure?”
I called to the bagger. “Excuse me, sir, could you bring that cart back. Please put back anything you took out. Bring it all back.”
The woman blew her nose.
I pulled her cart in front of ours, recarriaged what of our groceries I’d already placed on the belt, and place what remained in the woman’s cart onto it. “Please add these to our bill. Bag them for her, though.”
The cashier looked at me and blinked. The bagger put his phone in his pocket and cocked his head as if hearing a strange language.
He added two more bags to the old woman’s cart. “Do you have a way to get home, miss?”
She nodded. I motioned to the bagger. “Please make sure these get into her car or taxi or bus, whatever. Thank you.”
He pushed her cart and walked slightly akimbo, a crewman on a ship sailing high seas.
The old woman hugged Susan closely, almost fiercely, and whispered, “Thank you.”
“Our pleasure. Eat well. Enjoy your gift.”
The woman hurried after the bagger.
The cashier scanned our items slowly, asked us questions about our favorite foods, mumbled he’d never seen anything like that.
“Pay it forward.”
We paid our bill and left.
Back in the car, Susan turned down the stereo. “Did you know that was going to happen?”
“Not a clue. Only that we had to shop there today.”
The best tools are malleable ones, tools that can do anything and take on any shape based on what the workman needs to do, be in spanner, hammer, screwdriver, forceps, shovel, … The shape any tool takes is based on the emotions of the worker in whose hands it rests. It can be destructive, constructive, or neutral, much like emotion itself, and that’s because emotion is Energy in Motion.
Think of Felix the Cat‘s “Magic Bag of Tricks” – used one way it can do anything, used another way it can do anything else.
Money is a tool, not a goal, although I’ve known many who make it a goal and use it as a hammer.
I often tell people “Lift someone’s spirits, you can lift battleships out of the water, raise mountains where there are none.
Today we raised a mountain. Other days it’s a battleship. Both times, it’s lifting the sorrow, sadness, or shame in someone’s heart, taking it from them, giving it to the wind to carry to the clouds and space beyond.
Long ago I invited this community to create oceans.
I invite you again.
This time lift a mountain.
"Remember, people respect the wise, who have the courage to live with integrity at all levels." ...
"We can look into the rearview mirror and smile with a grateful heart, knowing old age is not a slow march into enemy territory; it’s a necessary glide path to the next great “yet to be” and that is a beautiful thing." ...
"In spite of the doom and gloom that reaches us through the internet, there’s an enormous wave of progress and goodness underway, hidden under the noise of our digital lives." ...
"It’s as though the windows of my heart have been thrown wide open, where once they were closed, though not latched; only to be opened when my heart sensed a need to." ...
"Please never allow one little mistake to cause you to believe that nothing is good. Correct what you need to correct and cherish and nurture all that is still good."
"Many people are very busy living for tomorrow, today, which only robs us of the experience of being fully immersed in the present moment which is all we really have." ..
"Life is both a precious, unfathomably beautiful gift, and it's impossible here, on the incarnational side of things." ...
The way we’re taught to live has got to change, says author Casey Gerald. Too often, we hide parts of ourselves in order to fit in, win praise, and be accepted. But at what cost? In this inspiring talk, Gerald shares the personal sacrifices he made to attain success in the upper echelons of American society — and shows why it’s time for us to have the courage to live in the raw, strange magic of ourselves.
Desire is an inside job because your desires are allowed to constantly change. What I desire depends greatly on my mood, what is happening around me, my partner’s mood, and even what stage of life I am in.
For many, keeping tabs on what you crave is considered a job. And well, It is a worthy task to try to shift that lens. It also takes acknowledgment that it definitely takes time, intentionality, and space to tune your ear to what may be swirling in your deep darks.
So here are some of the ways you can take on this exploration and in time perhaps not see it as a job but begin to see it as nourishment, care, and love.
Firstly, we need to acknowledge and accept desires as a part of who we are, no matter what those desires are, they are part of who we are. We also have to give ourselves permission to change what we desire depending on where we are in our lives. This acknowledgment and permission will be required for this journey to be rich and meaningful for you.
What steps can we explore in pursuit of desire in a responsible and ethical way?
Identify your DesiresEasier said than done I think! But spending time reflecting on what you truly desire in life should be a lifelong journey. This requires you to get in touch with your own feelings and emotions on a regular basis. Journaling, meditating, or talking with a trusted friend or coach can help you identify your desires. I, of course, love wondering out loud about this – so you can always reach out.
It is really about connecting to what fills us, what excites us, what leaves goosebumps on our skin, or even what brings a little devil to the surface. This cannot be done with a pen and paper, it needs to be done with action in trust-filled environments.
Own your DesiresOnce you have identified possible desires, accept them as an experience that could further develop who you are. Don’t be ashamed or guilty about what you want. Exploring independently is often the best way to get a true gauge of what is possible. So I highly recommend reading relevant books, taking courses, developing an introductory relationship with something that peaks your interest, etc.
This may require you to step outside of your comfort zone and take risks so break your desires down into smaller, achievable experiences and take steps towards honouring yourself each day.
Be Ethical Pursuing your desires in a responsible and ethical way means taking into account the impact your actions may have on others. Make sure you’re not hurting or taking advantage of anyone else in the pursuit of your desires. So very often this requires conversations. Please have them. Finding the words can be hard – so here are some ways of starting that conversation.
“WOW, I had a dream last night that was kind of saucy…..”
“Listen to this passage from the book I’m reading…”
“I have a little idea I want to share with you..”
Learning ExperiencesPursuing your desires may not always go according to plan – that’s why I talk so very often about having a Plan B and going in with the right mindset that includes: Curiosity, Exploration, and Consent. When setbacks occur, take stock and learn from them.
What about this experience was amazing?
What piqued my interest that is new?
What am I most proud of learning?
Remember, taking ownership of your own desires requires self-awareness, courage, and a willingness to take action. It’s okay to ask for help along the way and to adjust your course if needed. Taking responsibility for your own desires can be a powerful way to live a more fulfilling and authentic life and much less about a job you have to do.
A dear friend who is both a poet and a contemplative shares his insights about what the external world reveals through the lens of the internal world. This inner world is a heart-space. For it is when we go within that we begin to see what is without with new eyes. He shared a recent unpublished poem titled, “This Day,” that opened my heart in stark realization about what normal is. The poem detailed the remarkable aspects of a normal day that starts with the unremarkable head lifting from pillow. It caused me to ask what is normal, what is remarkable or unremarkable, what is ordinary as opposed to extraordinary?
I cannot help but conclude that normal is breathtakingly extraordinary, and that sets the stage for a paradox—the ordinary is extraordinary, and that makes the extraordinary ordinary. Poet and mystic William Blake saw the world in a grain of sand. A simple and unremarkable grain of sand, totally ordinary and indistinguishable amidst the trillions of other grains shows us all we need to know about the deepest wonders and mysteries of creation.
When we awaken to the depth and meaning of the seemingly innocuous, the ordinary, and normal that surrounds us, it is an awakening within.
What presents around us is the ocean in which we swim without realizing all that the ocean represents. It is easy to notice the beauty of a majestic sunset or be swept away by watching a child comforting another child. These are moments of awareness when we are watching from the heart and noticing what the moment reveals. We are often struck with wonder and appreciation at these times when something breaks through and we are overtaken by our heart. We take note of the moment with a sense of awe, joy, or gratitude.
Yet, the sun rises and sets throughout the day, children play and interact all the time.
Is there anything less remarkable about the sun overhead right at this moment? At a dewdrop, or raindrop, or people riding in a bus, or the sidewalk that lies beneath our feet?
In mindful awareness, when we open up to how incredible everything around us is, the normal becomes extraordinary. We see everything with new eyes. In some ways, this is the heart of contemplation as we come to recognize the wonder that surrounds us.
When we begin to recognize and appreciate that we are both observing and participating in this incredible experience we call life, it is transformative. This opening to depth is present and available at any time in all circumstances. My fingers typing on this keyboard—who designed it, how many people helped produce its many component parts, transport it, market it? How many people handled it prior to it being delivered to me so that I can type this message? Who are these people and what are their stories? I could go deeper and deeper into all the incredible things that went into this moment of creation when I am sharing my thoughts with you. Or I can overlook, fail to appreciate, ignore this depth as I type. In so doing, I have failed to notice the extraordinary hidden in plain sight, literally at my fingertips.
It just rained and now the sun is shining. How remarkable is that? Just a simple rain shower at first glance. But at depth, it’s absolutely astonishing and reflects millions of years of planetary evolution, the water cycle on this planet, cloud formation, rain that nourishes the plants, sun, and water that give life to us, and all the living things around me. I don’t see a rainbow at this moment, but I don’t need one to break through to the contemplative heart within. I see the extraordinary in the ordinary and it’s a normal day to be alive and aware, to see the remarkable in the unremarkable, to recognize the world in a grain of sand and heaven in a wildflower. With this recognition, I drop into the moment, struck with awe, wonder, gratitude, and appreciation. And so as not to disrupt the contemplation, I halt my typing. Words are inadequate…
I remember calling my father many years ago and asking him about the time change (Daylight Savings Time).
I wasn’t sure whether I needed to set my clock forward an hour or back an hour. After he confidently gave me his answer, I questioned him, “Are you sure?” Being the subtle character that he was, my dad said to me, “Why did you call me if you did not plan to believe the answer I gave to you?” This experience has stayed with me most of my adult life, for I reflect about it in a deeper way now. He was right, of course. Why would I call upon him if I did not have faith and trust in his answer? From various experiences with him in my youth, my father had rarely witnessed my total trust in him. I had seen him respond to so many events in such a reactive and insane way that I could never completely relax, let go, or be myself around him.
It took his death to open my heart and fully engage in the gifts he had offered me. He gave me the ability to communicate with anyone, to connect immediately with strangers (this is definitely a skill), the openness to always seek a solution, the strength to persevere, and the ability to move beyond “no” as the final answer to bravely and confidently discover what was before me. This experience with my father touched me, yet I was guided to apply the lesson to a deep spiritual level. What about my Creator, Spirit, God? Why do I similarly call upon this amazing presence if I am unwilling to believe in the answers that I receive?
Why do we take time to pray if we do not trust our answers? And why would we not totally trust the same energy which we are made of? Why are we so willing to listen so quickly to the opinion of anyone else, even though he or she may not model the answers we are seeking?
An Enlightened Rebel understands the immense value of trusting the inner core and wisdom which comes from a power greater than themselves. It is time for a TIME change, and we are the ones to move it forward.
Celebrate the power of unity with “Better Together” Song Around The World, featuring Jack Johnson, Paula Fuga, Lee Oskar, and talented musicians from around the globe. This beautiful, feel-good song was a single, released in February 2006 from Jack Johnson’s third studio album, “In Between Dreams,” and was inspired by his love for his wife. “Better Together” has a universal message that “it’s always better together” when we lead with love as the answer.
None of us, including me, ever do great things. But we can all do small things, with great love, and together we can do something wonderful.
~Mother Teresa
Join us on Our Friendship Bench any Thursday or every Thursday at 11:30 AM Eastern if you’re ready to do small things with great love and create something wonderful while making new friends along the way. Click below for more︎
Discovering Magic: At The Middle of a Bench
Because it’s ALWAYS better when we’re together …
What is it that has us needing to ‘know’ what is going to happen before it even happens? We used to love the experience of not knowing as children – we loved being surprised! Each breath was filled with magic and wonder as we interacted with the world around us. Each moment was new, and all possibilities were open to happening in our lives.
These days, as an adult, I see so many people struggle with themselves at work or school, feeling less than, unimportant, or cast aside when they don’t ‘know’ what is going to happen. They fear that not knowing could keep them from having a choice in the future. Needing to know before it happens can limit our experience as we bring all of our unmet expectations to the unknown situation. Most of us want to know about how and when things are going to happen – those things we want and those we don’t want. Knowing in advance is a common strategy of the ego trying to keep us safe and protect us from harm. The strategy goes like this – if we can build a story now about what is going to happen later, then we can use that story to stay safe and have choices when the situation happens. It gives our ego the illusion that we have a choice by knowing in advance so we can decide what is the best upfront, instead of responding with our preference during the actual experience.
While planning is helpful, we often miss the richness of a new experience by leading with our expectations. For instance, if we go into a public space anticipating people to respond in a judgmental way, we may go into that experience feeling guarded and reticent to engage with others. As a result, we may come off as aloof or snotty because we have an assumption that we need to be cautious and limit our connection with others to protect ourselves. In another example, If I take a self-care trip to recharge and reset with my natural rhythm but plan every moment of the getaway, it defeats the purpose. Without allowing time for ‘not knowing’ or ‘just being’ I never come back to my natural rhythm.
What if we could go into each new experience innocent, knowing we can choose what is best for us based on what we know in each moment?
If we let go of needing to know the future and allow ourselves to ‘go with the flow’, the possibilities are endless! Trusting that we can honor what is right for us moment-to-moment, opens our lives to a newfound sense of adventure and excitement unbound by the limits of expectations. What is happening right now is perfect and if the next moment doesn’t feel the same, I trust myself to honor and do what is most loving to me when that moment comes.
Can you shift from needing to know to being in the flow today?
Being free means being free from our egoistic desires, which make us wish to benefit ourselves at the expense of others and nature. In other words, freedom means becoming free from our egoistic nature that rules over us, so that instead of constantly thinking about our personal benefit, we instead think about the benefit of others—of everyone together as a single whole.
Freedom means becoming free from our egoistic nature that rules over us, so that instead of constantly thinking about our personal benefit, we instead think about the benefit of others—of everyone together as a single whole.
Similarly to how we think about ourselves today when we become free from our egos, we then think about humanity as we now think about ourselves. Also, even beyond humanity, we then think about the whole universe—nature on the still, vegetative, animate, and human levels—as a single system of which we are its parts, and that there is an upper force filling and sustaining this system.
We then accept everything as our own system, which we live in and care for, and that everything and everyone in this system is equally important, equally caring about everyone to the maximum of our ability.
Reaching such a state of freedom requires mutual support, consideration, and encouragement of one another to overcome our divisive egoistic desires.
Reaching such a state of freedom requires mutual support, consideration and encouragement of one another to overcome our divisive egoistic desires.
How could we reach such a level of support, care, and encouragement in society, to overcome the ego?
We can do so through education, i.e., by adjusting our educational, media, social, and cultural influences so that we learn why we are alive, what we live for, how nature works both inside and outside of us, what nature wants from us, and that we truly reach a state of positive human connection, with friendly relations between people, nations and continents—that everyone would connect around the world “as one man with one heart.”
The tendency to see what you expect to see, to project your core beliefs outward, is very powerfully manifest in what you say, in your words. So, if you’re walking around believing, “I am a mess” or “I am a loser,” or “I am unattractive,” then chances are you will also say these things, in one way or another. And the very act of verbalizing this false belief reinforces those fundamental lies about who and what you are. And of course, from there, the tendency is to seek relief in all types of detrimental external behaviors. Therefore, it’s important to recognize the power of language, specifically the power of the “I am.” What you attach your “I am” to is quite powerful. Every time you say (or think), “I am _______ (a drunk, boring, stupid, etc.),” you reinforce a lie about yourself. In my counseling work, when I can help someone move from “I am” to “I have,” there is often a powerful shift.
For example, some years ago my friend Gavin told me that he had been saying “I am depressed” for a long time and had recently come to realize what he was saying. Once he noticed this, he also realized that the more he continued to believe and express the belief, “I am depressed,” the more depressed he felt. But when he shifted to saying, “I have depression” or “I feel depressed,” everything began to change. He was able draw the important distinction between being depressed and having the experience of depression. Saying “I have depression” allowed him to start to see the depression as something nonessential and changeable, rather than as something fundamental to his identity. This opened him up to his essential self, his true self, which wasn’t depressed. This true self was beyond the symptoms of depression.
Gavin’s story had a profound impact on me and dramatically shifted the way I work. I started to work on helping people shift from statements like: “I am an addict,” “I am broken,” “I am damaged in some way,” to “I have these things about myself that want to be healed.” A profound healing realization can happen when we make that shift because, for the first time, we have identified the truth of who and what we are not as brokenness, but as something else, something more positive and powerful.
In other words, when we can finally shine some light on our inner dialogue and witness that these seemingly broken portions of ourselves are not essential, but are changeable, then we can start to open to the possibility that our true self is something much more profoundly beautiful and whole.
My invitation to you today is to take a moment and really ask yourself, “How am I speaking to myself? What am I attaching my ‘I am’ to?” My hope is that it will be possible to shift that language to something that’s more accurate and that the distinction that this creates will make further room for what you genuinely are: “I am whole and perfect; I am love; I am lovable.” Just imagine what might happen if you were to shift this focus from something that seems broken about yourself into something that supports your wholeness and healing.
The hard choices — what we most fear doing, asking, saying — are very often exactly what we need to do. How can we overcome self-paralysis and take action? Tim Ferriss encourages us to fully envision and write down our fears in detail, in a simple but powerful exercise he calls “fear-setting.” Learn more about how this practice can help you thrive in high-stress environments and separate what you can control from what you cannot.
I was switching channels when I heard a woman say, “Food is the only thing that makes me happy.” I stopped and watched a 900-pound, bedridden woman shovel a huge piece of cake into her mouth. That made me stop and think, what is happiness?
Many people don’t understand that emotional health creates physical and mental reality. When we fail to focus on healing ourselves, we can look for happiness in all the wrong places. Some people escape by turning to drugs, alcohol, or sex, while others find control and relief in food.
Our bodies are magical energy that absorbs how we handle our emotional well-being, affecting our mind, body, and spirit. Stress, anxiety, physical, mental, and sexual abuse can cause excess adrenaline and other problems, leading to heart palpitations, lack of sleep, digestive problems, breathing difficulties, and, over time, various illnesses and diseases.
The more emotionally crippled we become, the more money we spend on doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, medications, and other health services. How we handle our emotions can make us strong and resilient despite what has happened in our past, or we can become emotionally imbalanced and slowly kill ourselves. Even life-saving food can be a killer!
I am not an expert on this topic, but I know what I’ve seen as a crime and violence prevention specialist. Obesity is an epidemic, costing $173 billion in 2019. Look at old movies from the thirties, forties, and fifties. We don’t see many overweight people. Life was less stressful; families played and worked together, neighbors knew and trusted each other, and there was less crime and violence. However, in high-crime neighborhoods, I saw obesity forty years ago, which wasn’t just about poverty but how people reacted to fear and stress by hiding behind closed doors. I saw them losing their health and safety as they lost human connections.
Many Americans don’t understand humans are spiritual beings who depend on social connections. How we emotionally react to life can kill us or keep us safe and healthy.
Everyone has anxiety and fear, but how we handle anger can determine our health. Do we escape our emotions with drugs, alcohol, or food? Do we get angry or violent and blame others? Do we become passive and blame ourselves? Or do we stay spiritually centered and work together to solve problems?
Many low-income Americans do not panic but have learned to stay calm under stress. They often focussed on family support, neighborhood, or community connections and found inner peace through prayer or mediation. They transformed depression into courage, found wisdom that transformed fear and energized their spirit with a commitment to help others. Emotional pain can be transformed into patience, calmness, and serenity, but it takes commitment, faith, and being surrounded by people who care.
Happiness is what we value and what we choose to believe.How many people will die without understanding that their health and safety depend on how they react to the world around them? What do we want for our families and future? How can we find health and safety? It all boils down to knowing that we are spiritual beings with the inner power to heal ourselves. When we focus on loving who we are, helping others, and focusing on faith in a higher power, we will discover the wisdom that can guide us to real happiness and success.
Your life partner whom you can never run away from is not your spouse, your child, your parent, or your friend. It’s yourself. If this is a reality – which you and I both know is the reality – then why not have a better relationship with yourself?
Why? Because as you deepen your relationship with yourself, your self-love grows. And accordingly, the quality of your life improves. As simple as that.
Disliking yourself and feeling shame, guilt, and blame toward yourself, is not different from harboring the same feelings for someone else. The difference is this: you can walk away from someone you don’t like, but you cannot walk away from yourself. Therefore, reaching out to your inner child and addressing the diminishing feelings it is surrounded by might be the right path to a happier life.
Three life-changing habits that you can practice now – for free –You know which ones I have in mind as you have been bombarded by many about them: meditation, journaling, and physical activity. Yes, yes, yes, blah, blah, blah, you heard it a million times, and you practice them all from time to time here and there, but could you say that they are at a habit level? If not, it means that you have been receiving the message every time without hearing it, and I hope this time it gets further than your eyes and ears.
These three activities, when practiced regularly, target every element of your system:
- Meditation; the spiritual side of you, your consciousness, letting go of the ego and the physical reality.
- Journaling: emotional check-in with yourself.
- Physical activity: alignment of your body, health, and immune system.
The ones who know me well also know how big an advocate of meditation I am and how I aspire to make it as effortless as possible so that it becomes attractive and doable for everybody. I even wrote a short and sweet book: Live Your Life in a Meditative State: Easy and Fun Ways of Meditation and Mindfulness for Everyone. And when it comes to physical activity, obviously there is no need to remind anyone how important it is to keep a fit and healthy body. But what about journaling? Why is it also on this shortlist?
Here is why* Journaling strengthens the connection between you and your inner child (your subconscious) so that you get to understand yourself better. * Writing about your emotions, experiences, and thoughts allows you to express them freely and lowers your stress level. * Regular journaling – at least three times a week – helps you effectively organize your thoughts and improves your creativity and problem-solving abilities. * Communicating with yourself by journaling also helps to better your communication with others. * Journaling positively affects your sleep quality, mental clarity, and feelings of anxiety and depression. * It improves your mood, shapes your thoughts, and strengthens your willpower in developing a habit and sticking to it. * And most importantly, it helps you to realize the abundance of wonderful things you have in your life that are worthy of your gratitude.
If you are intrigued and want to give it a try,
- take a look at Stephanie A. Sarkis Ph.D.’s Discover 8 Journaling Techniques for Better Mental Health article from Psychology Today, and find out about your options,
- get a good quality notebook and a special pen – one that you love writing with, that you only use for journaling,
- set aside 10 minutes, and
- write away.
You might realize that the paper and pen are the best listeners you have ever met.
What does it mean to be old? Older? Elderly?
What does it do to our options for getting out, finding others to interact with, and living a full life?
What does it do for the choices we might (have to) make?
I just read an article in a local newspaper about a woman who’s 84 (just a few years older than I am), who’s lonely and hoping to find a special man to be with. She had a partner for nearly 30 years who died a couple of years ago, and she’d like to have someone in her life again.
I can understand that. Most of us enjoy at least some contact with others, right? And many do want a life partner to live with.
But for many seniors, life has changed over the years.
Many friends and family members are gone, leaving us behind. While we’re usually happy to be alive, it certainly can get lonely without those who used to be such an important part of our life.
Our health may present challenges that we hadn’t expected, imposing limits on our activity.
Driving might not be as easy as it was; actually, driving at night might not be a great idea at all. So getting out might seem more difficult – may be more difficult – than it was even 10 years earlier.
She mentioned finding a dating service online, so clearly she has some ability with the internet and the gumption to try. Sad to say, it didn’t work out for her. The service had no men in her age range to suggest.
In her self-description, she mentioned she “spends most days alone reading and watching TV in her condo.”
You know what idea struck me?
Choices.
You know what word struck me?
Condo.
If she lived way out in the country, I could see how restricted her life might be. Even in some towns or cities, getting around might not be too easy for her.
But a condo suggests something else: A community with opportunities to meet others who live right around her. Possibly a condo BOD that can/does plan activities for its residents. Or other residents who do.
I currently live in my third condo community, and it has a very lively group of residents who do plan activities of all sorts. I don’t join in too many, but that isn’t the point. Events are always happening, and they are great opportunities for many who live here to meet others. There’s a real village vibe here!
The article didn’t say if this woman’s condo community was for all ages or for seniors, but so what? Age doesn’t always have to be the determining factor for activity.
Her ability to use the internet could still help her to find others to chat with around the world, even in countries she’s not familiar with. If she doesn’t already know how to use Zoom or another face-to-face platform, maybe someone she knows could help. It’s not as good as in-person meetups, but it’s surely one way to stay connected with others.
Someone who’s lonely could also realize that others might be, too, and see if there would be ways to start groups – card games (bridge/canasta/other), health-related activities like yoga or other forms of exercise. (Here in my village a friend started an outside “Chair Yoga” group twice a week in a field right next to several homes for as long as the good weather holds. It’s HUGELY popular!)
Even just walking around the community can give many a physical, emotional, and mental health boost.
I know nothing about this woman – her physical, monetary, or emotional limitations – other than what the article mentioned, but it seems she’s narrowed her focus so much to finding a life partner that she’s missing out on other excellent options for her life. I hope she can see that it’s still possible to meet others, and it could start with a choice to open her door and leave her apartment.
Walk down the hall.
Open the front door to the outside in this gorgeous weather and interact with those who are also outside.
Widen her focus from a life partner to different kinds of connections.
Take full advantage of what that condo community might offer.
Choose to make her life full and interesting.
What are your thoughts, folks? What might you suggest for others who are aging but still want to live a full life?
I have a friend I will call David. He loves to tell the story of his early courtship with his wife whom I will call Jenny. He talks of his joy in getting her in his pickup truck to go out for a wonderful date night. What he loved the most was when she would slide over and sit right next to him.
Well, David and Jenny’s courtship blossomed into a wonderfully strong marriage with equally remarkable children. They truly loved each other. They kept the old truck for some time and David continued to take Jenny out on drives and romantic dates in that truck.
One day while David drove on in that old truck, Jenny said to him, “How come we don’t sit next to each other anymore?” David looked at her sitting on the far side of the bench seat holding on to the door handle. He then looked down at himself sitting at his usual place behind the steering wheel. After a careful pause, he calmly said “Well, I have not moved.”
What is it about us that causes us to be more focused on the movements of others that we miss, like Jenny, that we are the ones who have moved?
You see it all of the time on the road. Drivers get so focused on what another driver is doing and they miss what they are doing. I have ridden in the car with drivers who one minute complain about someone cutting them off or not using their blinker, and then moments later they do the exact same thing!
It is such a simple thing to see what others are doing and point it out. Too many of us are nearsighted when it comes to the movements of others and way to far- sighted when it comes to our own movements. This myopic view can cause heartbreak and struggle, especially in our most important relationships.
To see only what others are doing (or not doing) and not notice our contribution (or lack thereof) can be so terribly hurtful to our most important relationships. We need to combat this natural tendency and move closer to each other by paying attention to ourselves more than the movements of others.
In my work as a marriage educator and relationship coach, we often talk of turning toward instead of turning away. Those happiest with their relationships have this wonderful habit of moving closer or turning toward each other—even during times of struggle and conflict. Moving closer is so much better.
So, how can we make sure we are not sliding away from others and be certain we are turning toward them? Here are three tips to make that happen:
First, please remember you are on same team. We enter relationships with such a desire to help, love, and support each other. We start out committed to the same ideals and gain great satisfaction out of really seeking to lift and build each other. Working together in a relationship can be one of the most satisfying things this life has to offer.
Yet, sometimes we forget our desire was to complete each other and then we begin to compete with each other. Instead of striving to build up, we begin to tear down. Rather than generous words of affirmation, we destroy with harsh words and criticism. If we are not careful, we slide all too quickly from love and unity, to distance and hurt.
We must turn toward each other and always strive to remember what brought us close together to begin with. Remembering we are on the same team brings a greater desire to pull close and stay close.
Second, please look in the mirror instead of the magnifying glass. Michael Jackson taught us to start with “the man in the mirror.” It is all too easy to magnify other people’s weaknesses while downplaying and minimizing our own. However, that distorted view rarely produces anything meaningful or helpful.
We are all quick to say, “you cannot change other people,” but then speedily point out all that is wrong with another. Perhaps, we need to adapt the message of the side mirrors on our car and admit that our view may be distorted. When it comes to measuring the traits of others, objects are likely larger in appearance than they really are.
Let’s face it! We have no business focusing on others when there is so much we need to do for ourselves. Let’s be so busy watering (and even weeding) our own grass that we do not have time to see if someone’s else’s is greener or not!
Third, please cultivate gratitude and the ability to see good in others. There is so much to be thankful for each day. We live in a wonderful world with so many wonderful things and people all around us. One does not have to look very far to find something good! It is truly all around for those who have nurtured the ability to see it.
I honestly believe that most people are doing the very best they can with what they have at the time.
What happens if we gave people the benefit of the doubt? What if we believe in the best in people even when it may not seem completely obvious? What if we simply refused to find fault, but only offered praise?
We can begin with my simple motto: Think to thank! Make it a deliberate thing to find the blessing and comment on it! Thank everyone you meet! Better yet, thank those who are around you all the time. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. Learn to see and speak the best in everyone around you.
Let’s all strive to stay closer and connected to the people in our lives. Let’s focus on turning toward each other in positive ways! Let’s get close together and take this ride of life pulling together! It is more fun that way!
Life is something that’s full of ups and downs so you have to embrace it because that is the law of nature. As a human being, your expectation is that life should be sweet and full of good memories without pain. But the thing is that even happiness has a price and you must pay the price to get the prize.
Challenges are there to make us better and the best version of ourselves not to destroy us. It all depends on your mindset and how you see the world because when you look at the earth, there are things that happen to make you understand things about life.
All the natural disasters signify the difficult times the earth is having while the calmness of the seas and rays of the sun to bring light to the earth signifies the good times. That’s why when you want to understand why some things are happening in life you have to study nature. But everything doesn’t have to be the way it is as far as you take some actionable steps which I will explain below.
Cultivate a growth mindset: Our mindset does matter when we’re in difficult times because it is going to determine whether we will get out of the situation or not. You don’t have to look at the negative side but the positive side. That’s why we should train our minds to see things from different perspectives. When you have a closed mindset and one that isn’t willing to learn, you will miss a lot of things in life.
Difficult times are seen as learning times because each pain you experience is teaching you. But that pain is a gift because it becomes wisdom you’ve acquired through learning. As you learn from each experience you will make sure you don’t commit the same mistakes to make sure you don’t experience the same pain. The mind is something you use to achieve anything in life only when you’re ready to stretch it and bring it out of its comfort zone.
Develop focus: Developing focus is about putting your concentration on a certain goal until you achieve it. You have to avoid all kinds of distractions that come your way to disrupt you from achieving your goals. Distractions can come from family members, peer pressure, and unnecessary pleasures of life which you’ll only enjoy for a short period of time.
All these things come to you as obstacles to achieving your goals. Focus isn’t something that is easy because it deals with a lot of sacrifices. You need discipline to develop focus because you can lose motivation on the way but discipline makes you stay focused. You’re making progress each day you apply focus to your life because it makes the forces of the universe bring you your heart desires. Focused people achieve great things.
Live your values: Your values are things that guide you to make decisions in life. It is what gives you direction on where you want to go. You’ll think you’ve to go out of the norm to overcome those challenges but you’re actually putting yourself into more trouble by doing that. The more you deviate from your values the longer the journey to be successful. By living your values you become stronger to face any challenge that comes your way.
Resilience: All great things are achieved when you become resilient. No one is born a resilient person. It is the difficult times that make you resilient. All successful people are resilient people. Do you know that you need strength to sustain success? If you don’t follow these steps of resilience to develop that strength you’ll lose your ground when you become successful because you won’t be able to sustain it.
Patience: Patience is the revealer of things. It is another way of getting strength. When you lack patience you’re losing the game because each thing that happens serves a purpose. You know your strengths and weaknesses and also the character of people. You develop great character traits which you would be proud of and it will also mold you to become the best version of yourself. Which of the steps resonates with you the most during your difficult times?
"Remember, you’re not alone. Procrastination is a common problem, but it’s one that you can overcome with determination and effort." ...
"There is good karma in every cup of tea and shared stories of appreciation and celebration of the special people in our lives who have touched us through love and learning." ...
"In our new world, our New Reality, having a balanced, steady, inner focus, gives evolving humans a new perspective on humility which is now an important part of our spiritual life for contemplation and integration." ...
"Most of us spend too much time on what is urgent and not enough time on what is important." ...
"Most importantly, he reminds us all that “the knot at the end of the rope is hope.” ...
"Our simple, childlike requests are in fact the direct asking for the feeling that we want." ...
"One of the ways of showing gratitude is appreciation. Appreciation doesn't mean that you have enough but you're contented with the little you have." ...
"Find value in the present for special ones around who are capable to create joy and love to celebrate the wholeness in this beautiful world." ...
"They face joy, sadness, and struggles in life just like us and they have hopes of a better day and better tomorrow just like us." ...
"When we allow ourselves to greet our choices from the wholeness of the mind, body, and spirit connection, we can be at peace with our choices and move through life faithfully forward." ...
"Are you bogged down with too much to do? Are you living life distracted from what really matters? Are you standing on the sidelines distracted by the latest Buzz Feed that you are missing out on the dance? Are you trying to fit it all in anywhere you can and really missing out on enjoying your life?" ...
"You don't have to teach people how to be human. You have to teach them how to stop being inhuman." ...
"Flexibility is an essential requirement as we age. The best example is that our forever-changing technology requires us to remain current to live fully." ...
"Unexpected turns, unforeseen struggles - they're part and parcel of life, springing up when we least expect them. It's essential not to ignore these moments or turn a blind eye." ...
"Rabbit holes are our creation. They slowly squeeze in and grow on us as poison ivy. They can put us on a path that slides and it is difficult to crawl back out." ...
"Pathway of Awakening (to Joy:) Slipping through the net of our own illusions Seeking Redemption and Liberation" ...
“The day you speak to someone who has their head held down and when they lift it up and smile, you realize how powerful it is just to open your mouth and say, "Hello." ...
"What if we replaced responsible with respond-able? Our ability to respond. What would be the new skills required to be fully respond-able?" ...
"Once you allow reality to be, you detach from the emotional entanglement of wanting something to be different than what it is." ...
"Forgetfulness compels me to fully engage with my surroundings and the people I love as well. I appreciate the beauty of life in front of me, unburdened by the past or future." ...
"Train yourself to notice the goodness in life and people. Notice what’s working rather than what is broken. Being grateful changes your consciousness and raises your vibration." ...
"Tell me your thoughts on how you think society would be when compassion is in abundance." ...
"A smile, inward and outward releases endorphins. A smile makes anything possible and when directed at some who returns a smile it double in power." ...
"The greatest relationship, the greatest one you will ever have is with yourself. Believe me. Have faith in yourself. Believing that faith can make broken wings fly." ...
"Deep inside, and including all of the ups and downs, all of the comings and goings, the direction of travel is towards the truth. You literally can’t stop it. You can’t keep it down." ...
"Here’s a possibly controversial idea: we are NOT all thought leaders… and that is a GOOD THING." ...
"As you deepen your relationship with yourself, your self-love grows. And accordingly, the quality of your life improves. As simple as that." ...
"Life is a singular event, and if I’m to make a contribution to the great collective message board I must of necessity get after it and be shameless about sharing what I’ve discovered." ...
"What will happen next, you might wonder? How will life love you all the way with or without your shaker of salt? What kind of human being are you becoming?" ...
"As I'm in the midst of my deep dive, I realize I had to learn how to let paint dry. I have to stop and take a break, because if I don't, my yellows and my blues will make green, even if that's not what I really, really want. " ...
"Let’s keep hot as a description for fast food or the car outside in the summer. Let’s use more respectful and creative vocabulary for the people in our lives. Let’s jump off the hot bandwagon and get on the road to something so much better." ...
"The Camino asked only that I walk, be the walking, and be the road that led to me. ... How have you been called to find out who you are?" ...
"The key is tuning into what you are emotionally feeling. Self-awareness of your emotions is vital in creating a life you design instead of living a life of default." ...
"Real conversations are human. They embody our humanity by encompassing the sharing of emotions, a willingness to be vulnerable, and a receptiveness to fresh and different ideas." ...
"As humans, we are continuously creating our own lives, consciously or unconsciously. We each create the movie of our life and our view of reality." ...
"Tthe persistence of Neurodifferences in the human gene pool may be evidence that those differences kept us alive as a species." ...
"I believe that every day of my life people are doing things for me to help me, or to serve me. This gives me a ton of opportunities every day to practice gratitude." ...
"Buried deep within each of us, there is worth beyond definition, a glorious dimension that “is” us." ...
"Do you count? If so, decide how you count, what you contribute, and what you want in this world." ...
"Sorry" is indeed, one of the most difficult and most powerful words, provided one can feel and say it at the same time." ...
"Today I bedazzle - radiate - glimmer- scintillate, deflect – rejecting senses of injury for the injury itself to disappear – dispel doom to rise above gloom - Inject a bright glow of hope." ...
"If we are motivated by our passion, our energy arises as authentic and exuberant expression. What is motivating you today?" ...
"I flirt with mine regularly. When is the last time that “you” teased your sensory-scapes?" ...
"Give yourself a break! Get over your need for perfection! Realize that excellence is good enough!" ...
"As you head down the roads of your life, please enjoy those green lights and your forward progress. Will you also prepare for any red lights that may come? " ...
"Can You Define Spirituality in One Sentence? What Are Some Practical Examples of It in Our Daily Lives?' ...
"Self-Forgiveness illuminates your true purpose-opening doors to healing your past while replacing regret with gratitude." ...
"How can we expect to appreciate those moments where everything seems right or is going the way we want if we never experience the opposite?" ...
"The time and the company we keep are to feel safe for sharing our secrets and, quite possibly, what leads us to realize our life purpose." ...
"Engaging in self-care activities reminds us that we need to take care of ourselves. We are equally human as others and we need to focus on ourselves too." ...
"When you see something you don’t like about someone, immediately make yourself look for something good about that same person. The more you look for good, the more you will find." ...
"Each of us is accountable for how we view our world. Nobody else has the power to change the internal workings of our minds and hearts. However, surrounding ourselves with people who support and encourage our evolving perspective can be enormously powerful." ...
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." ...
"One of the earmarks of truth is its applicability in contexts beyond that truth's initial setting. The more often a thing remains true regardless of its context, the more true that thing is." ...
"Using very simple language and images, this book helps children ... and adults too ... understand how thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations are driven by needs that we all share. ... " ...
"Being negative has been made into a full-contact, no-holds-barred sport where gossiping gladiators fight to the death with sharp tongues as their weapons. It is brutal! Why not try a little kindness instead?" ...
"Graduates are ready to make their mark, to make the world a better place, et cetera. The analog clocks of graduation time tick and tock with the sounds of hope, and rightly so." ...
"Lovingly accepting the person you are, your feelings, thoughts, and values, the total package is the best gift for overall health you can give to yourself."...
"Don't sit on the fence; break it and move out! Don’t be confined to the little things you do; the sky should be below your limit!" ...
Why is it that we struggle with our self-care? What is it that has us forget to take our vitamins, give up our sleep for one more episode, skip the walk for a little more work, eat potato chips instead of salad, and then regret our choices at the end of the day? We can ‘should’ on ourselves all day long about our less-than-perfect choices, yet what is motivating us in the first place?
For many of us, we unconsciously focus more on avoiding fear and pain, than on pursuing the feeling of well-being. Many of us were given a sense of ‘well-being’ from what others did for us or to us. We learned this as children when our parents gave us the care and love we needed when we didn’t know how to give it to ourselves.
Some of us still don’t know how to give it to ourselves and our parents were unable to teach us. This has many of us still looking outside of ourselves for our care and well-being. The doctor, our partner, the company, our children, or the teacher. We want to do what they think is best for us. Many of us see what success looks like on those we look up to including celebrities and athletes thinking they look like they have the answer, so we try to mimic what they say or do. Regardless of our income, we all seek to replicate what self-care looks like in the hopes that we will actually feel better. Unfortunately, most of us find ourselves disappointed when we use another’s solutions or wait for someone to take care of it for us. None of them know what is better for us than we do.
I know many people who do little to care for themselves as they have simply ‘numbed-out’ to what they are feeling. Without a connection to our feelings, it is very hard to focus on our self-care. Self-care requires a sensitivity to what is true for us in each moment and a willingness to just ‘be’ with our inner experience. It’s important to be fully present with our thoughts, feelings, sensations, and ideas about what is and isn’t OK for us in how we get our needs met. Some of us are dealing with an issue that narrows our focus into solving that specific problem instead of listening to the rest of what we need inside. Self-care is about all of myself, not just the parts that need to be healed or fixed.
What I have found in my own journey is that my self-care has been directly connected to my level of self-love. The more I offer love and acceptance to myself exactly as I am, the easier it is to pay attention to my own needs and remember that it’s my job to take care of those needs, not someone else’s.
I know what feels best for me and the universe wants to give it to me in surprising and delightful ways when I ask for what I want and say no to what I don’t want. We are each responsible for focusing on our own well-being through the choices we make for ourselves including the thoughts we allow, what we put in our bodies, and the experiences we say yes and say no to. Our parents, teachers, lovers, friends, bosses, health care providers, employee or government are NOT responsible for our well-being. There is no one we need to wait for to give us the care we need BEFORE we can start caring for ourselves. When we claim responsibility for our own self-care, knowing we are whole and complete exactly as we are in our unfolding, we can act in loving ways towards ourselves without judgment. When we are fully accepting of how we are, we realize there is no comparison to anything or anyone, and no destination to get to. No need to compromise or give up what feels best to us. We can choose what is best for us, and others can do the same without anyone giving up their own self-care. Being aware of and choosing what is most loving for us in each moment becomes our natural self-care norm.
What can you do to increase your own self-care today?
Who is She? She is your power, your Feminine source. A Goddess. The Great Mystery. The web-weaver. The life force. She fills your body with ripples of terror and delight”!
This Episode is the most candid and presented in the raw and unadulterated form we women ought to exist in. It speaks to creating our own Realities by following our hearts’ desires – and allowing our Feminine Spirit to lead us to explore and acknowledge the unknown! (Mind you, Feminism is not about protesting against wearing bras and not shaving armpits…. it’s so much more)! Meet my Guest speaker Zoe Bell! (Founder of “Future HuE-man Experience”, Author of self-discovery & sensual healing books, with her best-seller book called ‘Raw’) Watch the Episode to know more:
That was the question I asked myself as I sat down to finish one of the dozens of drafts waiting for me in my notebook.
In the two and a half years I have been on this platform, I have written sixteen articles, which is a pretty small number compared to other authors. However, I am very pleased with my published work and feel truly honoured to be one of the 300+ Featured Contributors. Many contributors were already well-known authors before they joined BIZCATALYST, while others, like me, were just casual bloggers and novice writers who wanted to “spread their wings” (in Dennis’ words).
Before I started writing here, I had already found my voice through five years of blogging. I wrote whenever I had something to say and was ready to express it. Even after being named a Featured Contributor, I haven’t changed my approach to writing. Many unwritten thoughts and ideas are buzzing around in my head. It takes me a long time to turn them into pieces I am willing to share.
I couldn’t think of a better place to express myself than BIZCATALYST 360°. As demonstrated numerous times, this platform truly is a community.
It’s a place where an introvert like me feels comfortable writing. A writing community that values and encourages diversity. A welcoming environment of mutual respect and understanding. I’ve had constructive discussions with several writers who disagree with me but are open to hearing and understanding different ideas and perspectives. Engaging in dialogue with those who do not share your point of view and attempting to see things through their eyes can be both challenging and refreshing.
My most recent article was published eight months ago. The last two years have been physically and mentally exhausting for me. I wrote about it in my article below:
Tears and Joy of Caring for Ageing Parent(s)
Everyone is unique when it comes to life’s challenges and demands. I’ve always been hesitant to write about my struggles, not because I lacked courage but because I believed such things should be shared only with my family and close friends. However, after joining BIZCATALYST, I read many outstanding and truly inspirational stories from fellow writers who overcame life’s most difficult challenges and remained optimistic. These stories literally changed the way I thought about writing on publishing platforms and inspired me to share my struggles with others.
The entire experience of caregiving profoundly altered my life. It felt liberating to write about it and put my deepest feelings on the screen. Sharing my struggles allowed me to connect with others who could relate to my story. I’ve received encouraging messages from others who have faced or are facing the challenges of caring for loved ones. Those messages taught me that telling your story is not only a powerful tool for self-discovery; it can also provide comfort and support to others who struggle in silence and inspire them to tell their own.
Being on BIZCATALYST has taught me that stories inspire and encourage people to act. Even a small action can cause a ripple effect of change.
I will do my best to continue writing on this platform. It does not have to be perfect writing. Nothing is perfect. There is no “right” way to write about what is on your mind and heart. Another thing I’ve learned from being here is to always write in your own voice, with your passion, personality, and genuine heart shining through. I sincerely hope that my imperfect writing reflects all of this.
Writing for BIZCATALYST 360° has allowed me to reach a much larger audience than I could through my blog. It has also connected me with some wonderful people outside my professional and personal circles. I look forward to writing more and making even closer connections within this amazing community.
Why do you write for BIZCATALYST 360°? And what have you learned from it?
When you want to achieve something in life or master a goal it is important to imagine yourself experiencing and living that dream. Literally, visualize the dream into reality. Visualizing yourself through your senses is a great way to manifest your dreams. Begin taking steps towards your goal. You will notice challenges along the way, that is part of the human experience. And obstacles may cause self-sabotage, resistance, and fear to throw you off course. But something that makes the journey exponentially better is awareness and action through self-loving practices. Most people don’t realize self-loving strategies reduce the resistance and self-sabotaging behavior. And this is possible because regularly using self-loving strategies reduces the impact stress plays on the nervous system, mind, and body when challenges happen. Tackling your stress response regularly reduces the buildup of stress and toxins in the body. So here are some steps that helped me master my goals as I worked through the resistance that trauma left behind.
Step 1: Visualize the Goal through your senses. Dream it.You need to daydream in the waking hours and your subconscious will replay it in your sleep. Visualize the goal unfolding and manifesting in your life. Visualize the environment. Notice the people around you and see them benefiting from your goal. Notice the blessings you receive (trips, cars, gifts). Use your senses to feel the experience (taste, smell, touch, sensations) to bring it into your physical reality. And visualize it often, daily or weekly for best results.
Step 2: Redirect Your Thoughts. And address self-sabotage or resistance.Redirect the negative thoughts in your mind. And remind yourself to Believe in your dream. Believe it is possible to achieve it. Believe you are worthy of it. Believe you will get it. And remind yourself as often as needed that you deserve it and will manifest it.
That negative voice will sometimes get the better of you. And when it does self-sabotage and resistance will occur. And that is the tricky part of manifesting a dream. You need to prove it to the judge in your head that you are worthy and deserve this goal. So repetition and consistency is key.
Every time a negative thought or belief pops into your mind, remember to shift the thought to a positive, grateful, and hopeful one instead.
And when the positive thought won’t stick or frustration sets in, notice your body. And recognize if the emotion is creating a symptom in your body. Do you feel fatigue, stress, pain, or some other physical symptom? If yes, it is time to practice self-love (self-love strategies coming below). The thought created a symptom that needs to be addressed to move forward.
Therefore, to master your mind, remind yourself often…The only person that needs to approve is the face in the mirror. Forget the judgements and criticism that may come your way. And whenever you feel stuck or frozen, use self-love to shift the body through movement. Because moving the body releases emotions and stress thus allowing the mind to feel more calm, peaceful, and relaxed. Thus, setting the stage to move forward rather than getting stuck.
Step 3: Repeat, Repeat, RepeatRepetition and Consistency is key. Every day you need to visualize, redirect and shift thoughts, feelings, and beliefs through self-love. Because you are worth achieving the dream. You are capable of reaching for the sky and the stars. It took me years to believe this was possible. But shifting your perspective and practicing self-love will prove to manifest your goals rapidly. So reach for your dreams and get out of your own way.
Step 4: Shift Your body and mind often.The challenge that happens often in life is obstacles, challenges and triggers happen regularly. So mastering self-loving practices and shifting the mindset is crucial to flow towards your goal rather than getting stuck or falling off track. Physical activity through exercise, dance, movement, yoga, touch, etc. will address the body to free the mind.
Step 5: Recognize your triggers and take action when they arise.It is part of life to learn the triggers that get in your way. These triggers can easily throw you off course and set you on a path of self-sabotage. It is normal that triggers happen but self-sabotage doesn’t have to be normal. Recognizing and addressing the reaction to your triggers with self-love will break the cycle.
The real secret to mastering the patterns triggers and challenges bring is to identify and use strategies that destroy the stress by addressing the body. The more you recognize your patterns, use the strategies and break the cycle, the easier the journey becomes. And one day you will suddenly notice those obstacles that used to throw you off course suddenly propel you forward. This shift in mindset and perspective is essential to reach for the goal and attain it. So here are some tools to get you back on track and setting your destination towards your dream.
Setting A Course Toward Your Dream:1. Visualize yourself achieving the dream goal
2. Notice what feelings, beliefs, or emotions this goal will bring you (calm, balanced, joy, freedom, courage, etc.) Use your senses to feel the benefits of reaching the goal. What do you taste, smell, feel, sense, see?
3. Repeat often
Shifting the Negative Voice:1. Notice the way you feel after the thought arises. Notice if you have a symptom or pain arise with the thought, feeling or belief.
2. Take a deep breath and reframe the thought or voice in your head. Example: I can’t do this. = I can do this. Breathe in the new thought several times. Close your eyes if you need to and focus your breath on the thought.
3. Write it down. A great way to shift a persistent negative voice is to write the new positive thought down. Write it several times to reinforce the change you are choosing.
Transforming a Trigger into Motivation:1. Identify the trigger that throws you off course (person, place or situation). Keep note of each trigger. And recognize and address it if it arises.
2. Find the emotion or feelings felt after being triggered
3. Identify the physical symptoms you experienced (tension, pain, hot flash, dizziness, etc.)
4. Use a self-love technique (self-love hug):
- Notice the symptom, feeling, or emotion in your body
- Take 3 deep slow breaths.
- Try the 555 Breath. Count to 5 as you slowly inhale, hold your breath for 5 seconds, then slowly exhale for 5 seconds.
- Notice your face and body as you shift your focus into your breath.
- Self-love hug. Cross your arms and gently massage your arms and shoulders. This is an easy way to calm the nervous system through touch. Combine with 555 Breath for maximum results.
- Notice any lingering tender or sore spots in the body.
- Gently massage any tender spot while you focus on your breath
- Imagine the stress melting away. Close your eyes and imagine a colorful light entering that tender spot. And imagine your breath is releasing any stress or tension with each exhale.
- Repeat self-love regularly.
Self-love has many different tools at your disposal but the secret to unlocking them is to recognize the activities that bring you joy and calm your body. The self-love hug is a simple strategy but techniques like yoga, dancing, swimming, singing, etc. will also support you. Once you identify which self-love activities work for you, then it is a matter of repeating them and using them regularly. All it takes to make it into a habit is to use the technique for the next 21 days. And once it is a habit, it is easy to add another habit to your tool belt. All you need to reach your goal is consistency and dedication. So plan a goal and set a course toward your dream by using self-love to empower you.
Do you recognise this pattern? I noticed it in me over the last couple of weeks. A protective pattern that avoids the imagined dangers of having to say no to something later, by saying no to it early — and missing out on good stuff as a result. Read and see what resonates for you.
Where are you saying ‘no’ early, through fear of a possible ‘no’ later?
Where are you not even beginning to engage, in case it’s not for you, which would mean there would be that ‘no’ later? Perhaps if that happened you’re imagining it would be accompanied by guilt that you wasted your or their time.
Here’s where I saw this recently, in case it helps you spot it too. And what’s available when we stop being afraid of the ‘later no’.
So my kids have gone to the local snow dome for a number of years. First in preparation for a school ski trip, and then more recently to learn snowboarding.
I’d spotted these member prices before and seen the fact there was membership available. I saw all the benefits of joining but didn’t look into it. I assumed it would be too expensive and not worth having.
I had an early no.I didn’t want to waste my time looking into it when ‘I knew’ (!) it would be too much and not beneficial for the amount we’d go.
Then, one day, for some reason, I clicked to look at the membership pricing. And blow me down, it wasn’t nearly as much as I’d imagined. And the benefits were brilliant. I saw how I’d have easily made back the cost of the membership with the reductions in lessons, plus all the other benefits on top, and the ongoing reduced-price lift pass time after that.
“Well b*#ger!” I said to myself.
I rang up to see if they’d be up for backdating it if we used the credit to pay for slope time. But no. Worth a try! And so – slightly gutted – I got memberships for both kids. We’re going on our first-ever ski holiday next Feb and I know we’ll make back the membership price on lift passes before then.
I could see how my ‘early no’ was through an imagined problem with the price. Perhaps a mini avoidance of disappointment that I’d see the price and not be able to afford it. Certainly an idea of ‘wasting my time to even explore’ based on what I imagined the cost and benefits would be.
When in fact, pressing pause on that ‘early no’ and staying open and exploring instead, would have reaped buckets of rewards.
Does this resonate with you?I saw it again in the shops at the weekend. A beauty assistant came over and asked if we wanted to try the brand-new serum. ‘No thanks’ was my instant reply.
In hindsight, I saw that this ‘early no’ was in the avoidance of an uncomfortable ‘later no’.
There was instantaneous, fleeting, imagined discomfort at having to say no later, if I didn’t want the product. What if I looked mean or rude or ungrateful? What if she was upset and thought I’d wasted her time? What if I wasted my time? And so, in the avoidance of that, I said an early no.
There was an idea that if we engage in conversation about this new serum, and then it’s deemed too expensive, or not right for my skin needs, then I’ll be in the supposedly awkward position of then having to say no to someone I’ve just got to know, who I’ve built a relationship with (albeit for just 2 minutes at the beauty counter!). That I might disappoint her with my no. That I might feel bad for saying that no. That I’ll have wasted her and my time by having the conversation and then ending in a no.
Wow! So much avoidant behaviour! However, in spite of my early no, the lady very deftly saw the eye cream I’d picked up and said that their new serum was a better option than that. It has the latest ‘something or other’ in it. And £10 off for its launch.
Hmmm, well, now I’ve heard a bit more…that sounds like a good deal.
And so it became a yes and I’m now the proud owner of this new ‘something or other’ special eye serum! (Tell me if you notice a difference next time we meet )
And so once again, that ‘early no’ had the potential to derail a cool opportunity. And all solely in the avoidance of an imagined awkward, guilt-ridden or time-wasting ‘later no’.
To be fair – even if both of these situations had become a ‘later no’ that would in fact have been totally ok too.
I’ve had experiences of getting into calls with potential coaches or guides for me that have become a ‘later no’. I’ve been on calls with people who are interested in working with me but who’ve then had a ‘later no’.
And it’s all good!We love it when someone has a clear no, and tells us their clear no.
We also love it when someone has a clear yes.
We love it in ourselves when we have clear yes’s and no’s.
But instead we habitually live in this avoidant space of ‘early no’s’ – created through imagined fears of disappointment, guilt, embarrassment, time-wasting, and maybe more.
How clear are you on your yes’s and no’s? Where are you willing to open yourself up to possibilities, knowing that a ‘later no’ is totally available and allowed and that it says nothing about who you are?
Where are you willing to open yourself up to possibilities and discover more than you imagined was available?
Look and see, and start saying yes to life when it’s a yes. Start saying yes to life when it’s even just a maybe. And no to life when it’s a no. That’s all there is to it.
Where have you recently said an ‘early no’ that you’d actually like to open up to and explore? Would you like to explore it with me?
Did you know that Hawthorn is known as May Blossom because it tends to flower in May; and that there are pink and white varieties of it. This feels perfect for my birthday month as pink and white together are about purity and innocence. This colour combination also reminds us of the Essenes, a community that emphasised love is God. For me that is suggesting that when we come from love then we receive many times over.
I was reminded of that this weekend because I got to experience my first street party since 2012 thanks to the King’s coronation. Not only that the whole experience is evidence of how I have grown over the last 15 years. Let me share the story with you.
A coronation street partyA couple of months ago I was invited by a neighbour to jump onto the organising committee to make it happen. And I leapt at the chance because I knew virtually no one on our road probably because we rent rather than own our house and I expect there’s a feeling that we not here for the long haul. It’s a great example of how things have changed. In the early days of being a coach I was offered the opportunity of doing a role for our co-active community but I could still hear my old house master’s words in my ear: Kate is a great organiser and if she’s not careful she will become the secretary of groups and never amount to much. I really took those words to heart and so I turned down the role to serve within my coaching community as I did not want to create that reality.
These days in my work with others and my practice I align much more to the following quotation from a Christian mystic:
The important thing is the willingness to give back the gift that is you, not the perfection of the gift itself
– Richard Rohr
And I am loving it in part because whenever I offer the gift that is me; I receive something priceless: a deep sense of fulfilment. In this case it gave me a sense of purpose too because I felt plugged into my local community. It is a reminder and evidence that we are hard-wired for connection. When you feel that sense of interconnection, it is possible to witness magic happening.
And there are some real practical tangible benefits too: the last three times I have given from a place of love, I have attracted in three new clients. And yet on none of the three occasions did I do in order to gain financially. I did it because it felt like the right thing to do.
My recipe for successWhat is becoming clear to me with every day that passes is that there is some secret sauce that can enhance your life and that comes when you understand how the world works. For years I sought an answer outside of myself and every time I met someone I wondered whether they were the one that was going to propel my business forward. Each time I was disappointed. It reminds me in many ways of the victim archetype the first of the 8 archetypes we have been exploring in my Unity Reset programme. We are in victim when we deny self-leadership and look to another to rescue us.
Clients and others do refer people to me but not because I have asked them to do so. It happens spontaneously when I least expect it. It is because of the energy that emanates from the mantra that I have been working within my spiritual practice of late. All that I give is given to myself.
You don’t have to become exhausted by doing x number of cold calls to possible clients or leads for your business. All that any of us are asked to do is to lead from our heart, from purity; and then from that place of being allow the Divine to gift you what you gift others. This is very hard in the beginning because it takes trust and knowingness that your ego self is not in control of anything.
Final wordIf you implement this strategy from a place of expectation rather than from the joy of it, you are doomed to failure. Give because it makes your heart sing because you know in your bones that giving and receiving are one. Then watch what unfolds: all that struggling and pushing to create business and make money will soon become a thing of the past This kind of magic happens when you are able to see the beauty and uniqueness that comes from being you. The Divine asked you to be in full self-acceptance, especially in 2023. If that seems impossible then reach out and take one of the two openings currently available to work with me. I look forward to hearing from you and wish you a wonder-filled month.
Ernest Holmes would go to the drugstore each day for a snack. One day, he saw a drunk man and offered to buy him a cup of coffee. The man accepted. As Ernest spoke with him while he was sobering up over his cup of coffee, he discovered that the man was a sign painter. Ernest asked the manager of the store for some paper and some markers and asked the man to paint some signs with letters and numbers. The store manager who was watching this stated that he actually needed some signs. “How much are you going to pay him?” asked Ernest. The manager made an agreement with the man to create some signs and agreed to pay him for his work and expertise. A few months later a man knocked at Ernest’s office and asked to see him. He was clean-shaven and wearing a nice suit he had purchased from the thrift store. He came to say thank you to Ernest. Ernest told him to get in the car and they rode around until Ernest saw a store for lease and made arrangements for the man to start his own business. The man became successful and repaid Ernest.
Ernest Holmes was a Quiet Genius. He could see the genius within others and make a difference in their lives. I still use this story as a guideline in my life of what small or sizable ways I may be of service to another living being. Some acts are small and happen quickly while other acts of a Quiet Genius happen over time. I have returned payments for services rendered and given away important things of value to me because spiritually I felt guided to do so knowing I may positively impact someone’s life.
Who knows who we may truly be if someone like Ernest Holmes or some other Quiet Genius would come along and see our further potential?
When actor and comedian Bob Saget tragically passed away on January 9, 2022, his good friend and former TV co-star, John Stamos wrote the following, ” We should all want to die alive! Don’t have your life filled with regret and remorse, forgotten and discarded. Die being bright and fierce. We all want to be overwhelmed with the privilege and bounty of what we do best”.
All of these words resonate strongly with my views of reaching that time when most people ”ease back on the throttle getting ready to ride off into the sunset”. Yes, you probably guessed where I am heading. I am heading into a discussion about the dreaded R word, Retirement! Now don’t get me wrong! Retirement is great for those who look forward to it their entire working life. That plan is not my Master Plan. My Master Plan is to do things that scare me! Does that idea actually scare me? No, at times it terrifies me! But at the end of each day, I find myself exhilarated looking forward to the next day and the adventures it offers.
For those looking to experience scary moments every day, the big questions are when to start and what to do?
How do you set up your day, week, month, and year to take on scary adventures? I am not talking about daredevil stunts. I am talking about organizing a plan to fully develop all of the gifts that have been given to you. What type of new adventures can you take on?
If you are still working and have not taken on the big R of Retirement, what can you do professionally? Can you be an entrepreneur within your company? Look for ways to offer value, stretch your current job description, and possibly parlay these into a higher pay rate, or a promotion. Outside of work, regardless of your status, what type of involvements can you be a part of? Mentoring is a wonderful way to use your experience and expertise to help others. For those opportunities, look to such organizations, as Big Brothers Big Sisters of America. There are numerous other ways to volunteer. Service organizations, churches, etc. can be a way to do exciting ventures and help others. How about your passions? Have you always wanted to play a musical instrument, write a book, or learn to play golf? If any of these examples scare you, that is even more reason to “dive in and test the water”.
The point is, make a commitment to yourself that you will tremble a little each day. That you will feel like you are stepping off a ledge, without a safety net. That you are doing something every day that scares you. At the end of the day, you won’t be terrified. You will be exhilarated, waiting for the next day to start.
During our life, the growth and change we experience as a result of personal development can require us to come out of our comfort zone. It is in this unknown, the unfamiliar, that we may experience apprehension, doubt, and fears. It is also here that self-exploration and meditation can help us live in awareness to see that what we experience can assist us in moving toward what we desire to experience in life, like peace, fulfillment, and happiness.
The challenge is trusting in the process and trusting the journey into the unknown. How do we find comfort in this fact? Our relationship with the self acts as our support. It is in this inner stillness we connect to our true essence, the light within, which is part of the greater whole. This wellspring of divine source energy, the oneness of all that is, or however you define that which is greater than yourself, is where we can draw upon what is needed to guide us, comfort us, and fuel us through the journey.
Follow this link to listen to a guided meditation I released several years back.
This guided visual meditation will assist you in cultivating whatever you need in the present moment to help you foster trust and support of Self-exploration.
I always like your feedback if you find this exercise helpful!
Mindfully living my truths,
Nancy
I‘m so glad you’re taking the time to focus on changing your thoughts for your well-being. I know it can be scary to step out of your comfort zones and face the unpredictability of Change. But trust me, it’s worth it. When we open ourselves up to new experiences and challenges, we engage in active self-care and growth. Think about it for a minute. Exploring new activities – the unknown – allows us to learn more about ourselves. Stepping outside our routine also brings valuable skill sets and knowledge that benefit us in the long run.
Change can help us focus and prioritize what’s important, whether it’s decluttering distractions or leaving behind relationships or careers that no longer serve us. By making small, meaningful changes, we take action toward our goals and gain a sense of accomplishment and self-worth.
Change can be uncomfortable, but it’s necessary for a fulfilling life. In addition, it gives us the confidence boost to overcome challenges and build stronger relationships with those around us.
And you have the power to change the way you think today. That’s right, you can choose what thoughts you want to focus on right now. This concept dates back to the Bible. In 2 Corinthians 10:3#5, Apostle Paul talks about “casting down imaginations.” The words “Casting down” meant to “destroy,” and the word “imaginations” meant “thought,” which means not believing in lies and falsehoods.
It’s important to constantly challenge negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. No one else can control your thoughts and feelings except you!
I challenge you to start each day with a pep talk and powerful affirmations. Spend 5#10 minutes every morning focusing on what you want to achieve for the day, and don’t let negative people or the world get you down.
Here’s a sample pep talk to get you started. Use it, personalize it, or use it as a springboard and create your powerful motivating morning pep talk.
“Good morning! It’s a brand new day, filled with endless opportunities and potential. Take a deep breath and remember that I can make this day amazing. I am strong, capable, and ready to take on any challenge that comes my way. I will focus on the present moment and won’t let yesterday’s worries or tomorrow’s fears hold me back. Instead, I’ll trust in myself and take small steps toward my goals today. Every effort counts and brings me closer to where I want to be. So let’s get going!”
And here are a few examples of affirmations to lift you up. Use them, personalize them, or use them as a springboard to create powerful affirmations. Repeat these
affirmations to yourself and feel the positive ener%y flow through you:
• I am capable of achieving any goal I set for myself.
• I believe in my abilities and strive for success daily.
• I am worthy of success and happiness.
• My past successes give me the strength to keep going, even through tough times.
• Every challenge I face brings me closer to reaching my goals and dreams.
• I will not run and hide from failure; I will learn and rise above it.
Ending your pep talk with a code word or two that you can use as a call back during the day when the going gets tough. In the example about: “let’s get going!” Say it to yourself and instantly return to the feelings of positivity and strength you had at the end of your morning pep talk!
You’ve got this! Believe in yourself and watch amazing things happen in your life.
Today is your day, and you’re going to make it a great one.
Dr. Seuss told us, “You’re off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting, So … get on your way!”
Embrace Change with passion and see where it takes you – and along the way, remember to always be innovating, adapting, and thriving! What do you say?
I hope this book empowers you to take control of your thoughts and actions. I believe that people’s thoughts and motives determine their behavior and actions. Therefore, it’s essential to maintain positive thoughts and motives and recognize that we can change our thoughts when they drift toward negativity. Creating Change strives to help readers cultivate this self-awareness and to take steps toward personal growth and Change.
You can create the life you want and live with a positive mindset. “Let’s get going!”
CLICK HERE FOR YOUR FREE COPY OF MY EBOOK PICTURED ABOVE
Time is one of the most valuable tools you can have in your arsenal when it comes to Seduction. You might wonder why time is so important to Seduction? Well, it’s because time is fleeting.
We can never get our time back, so we must use it wisely. This is especially true in Seduction. When we view time as an advantage instead of a disadvantage things suddenly look different.
I’m sure you have heard the phrase “time is of the essence,” or “time is fleeting,” and what do they have in common? They remind us that there is no time like the present and we must use our time wisely before it passes us by.
The same is true in your use of time in the art of Seduction. Time is a crucial element that impacts us and/or peak performances and experiences. When we experience peak performance or are ‘in flow,’ time can be very easily distorted.
Time can move at a rapid pace or seem to slow down and pass in slow motion like a freeze-frame movie with all the sights, smells, and details tattooed on our brains. We can recall these moments in vivid detail as if they were happening to us again at that moment.
That is the beauty of using time to your advantage in Seduction. When you can build up the longing, desire, and anticipation over and over again, it makes the reunification time sweeter and more satisfying.
Give yourself permission to steal little moments away with your partner so that you can really test-drive this idea of using time to your advantage. There is a lot to say about the value of a ‘quickie’ from time to time or a forbidden tryst between PTA meetings.
So go ahead and try it!! Try it this week –use time to your advantage and see how quickly BIG sparks fly in a short period of time!
Learn more in my best-selling books– Exploring the Art of Seduction, Looking at the World Through Seducer’s Eyes, and Awakening Your Aura of Seduction available on Amazon and other fine retailers.
A new study finds that even just one conversation with a friend could make you feel more connected and less stressed.Many Americans these days (myself included) are feeling lonely and longing for more connection in life. At the same time, building relationships can seem like such a long-term and almost insurmountable task, especially if you’ve lost touch with friends or community lately. But a new study suggests that you can move the needle on your own feelings of connection and well-being by doing a very simple thing each day: having a chat with a friend.
Many ways to connectAcross three studies, researchers recruited over 900 students for a one-day experiment. During that day, they were asked to connect with a friend in one of seven different ways:
- Catch up about how you’ve been
- Have a meaningful conversation
- Laugh and joke around
- Show care, affection, and support
- Be a good listener
- Show you value them and their opinions
- Give them a compliment
At the end of the day, everyone filled out surveys about their emotions and their day overall, including how lonely, anxious, stressed, and connected they felt.
Ultimately, people who had just one interaction with a friend felt less stressed and more connected at the end of the day than those who didn’t. And it didn’t matter what they did together—whether it was being silly or having a deep discussion. That’s encouraging, because it means we don’t have to bare our souls or have a heavy conversation every time we want to connect. In fact, we don’t even have to talk very much at all, since one of the tasks was simply listening.
“There are lots of ways that we can behave that allow us to have a boost to our well-being and likely solidify our relationship,” says Jeffrey Hall, lead author of the study and professor of communication studies at the University of Kansas.
There were certain ways of connecting that had even more advantages. The more interactions people had with friends in one day, the more connected they felt, among other well-being benefits. In one of the studies, people who saw a friend face-to-face also felt less lonely and anxious and had a better day overall. Hall, who wrote a book on digital communication, says people simply talk longer when they are in person, alongside all the nonverbal cues they offer. “They feel present, heard, and aware,” he says.
Cycle of mutual engagementWhy didn’t it matter how people connected, whether they had a catchup or complimented someone on their outfit?
The researchers speculate that what all these interactions have in common is that we’re being responsive—paying attention in a way that could make our friend feel understood, validated, and cared for. That, in turn, may encourage them to be responsive to us. And together, that cycle of mutual engagement and attention helps us feel closer and more bonded.
Although this study looked at friends, the researchers suggest that there may be similar benefits to chatting with family or even strangers—although friends do seem to have something special.
“Friendship conversations are often some of the most pleasurable we have,” says Hall, because they might lack some of the tensions and stresses that come up when talking to relatives or romantic partners.
Alongside other new research suggesting that people appreciate us reaching out to them more than we expect—and that continuing a conversation with a stranger is surprisingly enjoyable—this work is a good reminder to take a little time to connect today. In the end, those conversations are the building blocks of deeper relationships.
“Since the pandemic, there is a need for many, many different voices to say in unison: It’s important for us to work at our relationships,” says Hall. “I hope to be part of a broader conversation that reminds people that if . . . you don’t prioritize the people that matter to you, [you] have a lot to lose.”
What are your beliefs about ‘faith’? Is it something only the righteous get to experience? Only those tied to an organized religion? Does it make any kind of difference to use ‘faith’ in our day-to-day lives?
The word ‘faith’ shows up in our language and conversations with each other. We say things like; ‘don’t you have faith in me? I have faith in them, it’s important to have faith in God, she has always been faithful to him” etc. But what does it really mean?
Perhaps the mechanism of faith is simply our ability to imagine and feel the experience that we desire as if it was happening in the present moment, even though it has not yet manifested in physical form. When we believe it’s possible and can feel how good it’s going to feel NOW – even without any immediate evidence – we are demonstrating faith.
What if ‘faith’ were simply our natural ability to create our reality through the quantum field? A skill we are born with and can gain experience and success with the more we use it?
Children do this naturally. They imagine how it is to be the doctor, teacher, or fireman in the moment when they play. Their joy comes from imagining the experience NOW – along with all of the good feeling that goes with it. If they keep at it long enough on the inside, they will manifest it in their lives at some point. We’ve all met these people during our lives – those that wanted to become a fireman, a singer, an actress, or a cowboy as a child and became one as an adult.
Faith is finding the ‘feeling place’ of what we desire (healthy body, successful work, financial freedom, connection to God, etc.), and training ourselves to focus our attention there – even though it has not happened yet. Faith is the skill of imagining what is possible with all of our senses regardless of how things are in our current reality.
Begin listening to the story you are telling yourself and others about your desire and noticing if it matches up to what you want to create. If it doesn’t match up, (you can tell if it feels bad or feels old and outdated to your own ears), it’s time to create a new story. Time to get creative and tell the story about how you want it to be. You don’t have to make up a ‘foo foo’ story that isn’t true for you in the moment, just tell a better one about where you are going. I like this one; ‘although I’m not yet sure how it’s going to happen, I can feel how good it’s going to feel when I get there. I’m excited about what is coming and can feel that good feeling right now. It feels good to feel good in this moment.’ Where you place your faith (attention and feelings) today will generate your future experiences for tomorrow.
How will you use your ‘faith’ today?
Most of our beliefs about ourselves have come from outside sources: people, education, and experiences. Many of us have allowed the opinions of others to become our opinions of ourselves. We’ve listened to people tell us things about ourselves and then we’ve internalized, processed, and believed what they have told us. If they told us good things like we are beautiful, smart, intelligent, and talented, then we probably have built some confidence and self-esteem. But if they told us things like you are stupid, inadequate, incompetent, fat, ugly, bad, or unworthy, then we very likely have developed a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem.
There is a direct correlation between the quality of our relationships and our levels of self-esteem and self-confidence. If we are like most people, how we feel about ourselves, good or bad, is largely dependent upon the degree of acceptance we have felt from the influential people in our lives.
In the beginning, we learned our beliefs and values from our parents. If their self-esteem was low or they had poor self-concepts, values, and beliefs, then that’s what we learned. If they felt inferior, inadequate, or unworthy, we probably adopted those qualities as well.
When we are children, we go through an “imprint period” where we formulate our behavior patterns based on what is impressed upon our thought patterns by the adults who are instrumental in our development.
If we were told, “You are bad,” it really meant our behavior was unacceptable but most of us didn’t hear it that way. We internalized it to me that we were unacceptable. Most parents don’t realize how important it is to separate the ‘act’ from the ‘child.’
If we were compared negatively to other children, especially children outside of our immediate family, we might have believed those children had more abilities and were more popular than we were. That is when feelings of inferiority set in. If we didn’t receive appreciation or recognition for our achievements then, we may believe others are smarter, stronger, or better than we are now.
As a child, were you compared to someone else? How did that affect you? How are you allowing it to affect you now?
The classic interview question, right?This question gives you a chance to think about all of the amazing things you might achieve after you’re hired to a position at a company. It could also be where ELSE you see yourself as you move past that entry-level role well before five years pass.
For some, especially those challenged by health situations, this question could also be perceived as a challenge to see yourself ANYWHERE in five years. It’s common for medical professionals to give a statistic for chronic diagnoses as a percentage of survivors after five years: “Your [fill in the blank] has a 70% survival rate in five years based on historical data.” Of course, sometimes that number is much lower, making the challenge even more interesting for the person who really does want to see herself in five years, willing to be doing just about anything!
In most of our lives, we are faced with options of what we might be doing several years from now based on our current decisions, habits, and actions. For others, decisions are made for us based on circumstances outside of our control, and we do our best to make it given those constraints by affecting the things that ARE in our control. For those more fortunate in the former category, I ask that you don’t take your time for granted; use your gifts to help others, do the things you always said you wanted to do, and let people know how much they matter to you.
If someone had asked me five years ago today where I saw myself in five years, I don’t think I would not have answered my current (and very fortunate) situations of work, family, and recreation.
I am grateful for every day I have spent between five years ago and now and look forward to every day in the future. How about you?
I have had many experiences driving in the rain. I remember the crazy rain that often hit us as we lived in the southeast United States. The visibility was awful as we crawled on I-95, cars with blinkers on, while the torrent hit! I loved the power wash of my car when it was over, but hated the difficulty it caused on the road. Many a commute was made hours longer because of a downpour.
I remember the time we were lost somewhere in northern Arizona after a family event. The rain was awful, cars were pulling over, and we were not sure which way to go. Then, my oldest daughter, Erin, asked if she could say a prayer. Everyone in the car closed their eyes (except for me, I was still driving), little children folded their arms and hands, and she said a beautiful prayer that we would be safe and find our way. That is a precious memory I never want to forget!
Well, recently I found myself heading home from my daughter’s graduation from Montana State. We were so happy to have been able to come and celebrate with her. Now, we were heading home, hitting the road early to hopefully make some good progress on our long drive home. Of course, as soon as we hit the freeway, we found ourselves in the midst of pouring rain. Ugh! We had hoped to beat the rush hour and get out of the city, but as I pulled up behind the semi-truck, we knew that was not to be. Best laid plans…
The visibility was awful! I had my wipers on full speed, leaned in closer to the windshield, and turned the radio down (because somehow that improves vision and visibility!). My knuckles were white, gripping the steering wheel, and I could feel the tension already building in my shoulders and neck! Not fun!
This continued for many miles. We pushed onward trying to be as careful as possible. The conversation was limited so I could focus on the road and make sure we were safe. Then, the semi-truck seemed to slow a bit as we reached a hill. I decided this would be a good time to venture out and maybe pass him. So, I checked thrice and veered into the passing lane, and gently stepped on the gas to get us moving a bit faster. As I came around the semi, I was surprised at what I found.
It was not raining any longer! The roads were covered in an inch or so of water from the earlier rainstorm, but it was not raining in front of the semi! Wait, it was not raining at all!
What had happened?Somewhere along that long stretch of freeway, the rain had stopped. However, because of the cloud cover, the darkened early-morning skies, and the splashback behind the semi-truck in front of us, we missed it. The storm had stopped. There was no rainfall! There was no downpour! There was no danger!
Surprised and pleased, we moved on a bit faster! I think the conversation started up with the usual vibrancy and we felt happy to be facing clear driving for the rest of the way. I may have even turned the radio back on!
So often, life is like us! The obstacles in front of us are of our own making! We think something is blocking our progress! We grunt, buckle down, and try to face it and white-knuckle through it!
We may curse a bit, complain a lot, and figure our plans and progress are being hindered in some way. We may struggle and blunder along not knowing there is something else going on. We are really are own obstacle.
In these moments, we need to stop and go at it from a different angle. We need perspective. We are stuck in our own short-sightedness that we cannot see the clear path ahead of us. We may pat ourselves on the pack because we feel we are making forward progress, and heck, we are doing the best we can. Yet, we could benefit from taking another view, merging over into another lane to see if there is a way around it.
Like me on that long stretch of road, my progress was hindered because I was stuck in only what I could see and experience at that moment. All I saw was frustrating falling rain–so much that I failed to see that the storm had cleared and there was smooth sailing to be had. I was lost in my own failure to look up, look around, and change lanes. I had chosen my own obstacles by not considering another point of view.
If you find yourself bearing down and pushing on through frustrating storms and obstacles in your way, you may just have to keep on keeping on to get through it. However, would you please make sure to consider what is in front of you and check out other viewpoints? What may seem looming and large in front of you, may only be something easy to get around. When you get lost in the storm and feel your progress is being impeded, you might be right. But, please take my advice and make sure there is not something to be done to merge out of the way and get back on track and up to speed!
We need to consider more and more what obstacles and blocks we have to make forward progress with others on this road. We need to look into our hearts, expand our vision, watch more carefully, and be willing to be flexible and adaptable. We need to challenge any tendency toward judging, criticizing, blaming, or fault-finding. We might need to look for any obstacles of discrimination or prejudice that might be blocking our forward progress. We may just need to examine the road ahead and make sure we are not creating the very stalled progress we are complaining about.
So, the next time you find yourself heading down a stretch of road, complaining about the so-called obstacles and storms impeding your progress, try to look around, change lanes, and see if there is another way of seeing things. You might be the only thing in your way! Let’s get going!
I read a quote by Elizabeth von Arnim the other day that said;
A woman’s tongue is a deadly weapon and the most difficult thing in the world to keep in order, and things slip off it with a facility nothing short of appalling.
What do you think about this quote? To me, this quote makes me think of those of us that have a quick, oftentimes sarcastic, wit. This speaks to our high intellect and the ability to process information at a lightning pace. It’s possible that some people might not get this quick wit, and may be offended if they don’t know what it means. Our brains are often too fast to even stop the words from coming out. There is no way for us to dictate who understands and who doesn’t.
But like it or not, women with quick wit and intelligence are sexy. After all, the most erotic part of the body is the brain because without the brain nothing is possible…not our fantasies, not our desires, not our bodily responses to stimuli. Nothing is possible without our magnificent brains.
So if you have a quick wit and words just roll off your tongue….Count yourself lucky. With you, there is never a dull moment in the conversation. You can talk about almost any subject matter. You listen as well as you speak. You know when to let the other person have the spotlight and talk about themselves. These are valuable skills. These are the skills of leaders and visionaries.
Be proud that you are a woman with a quick wit, intellectual and know what you want….
A clinical psychologist explains how these science-backed practices can improve mental healthRachel Goldsmith Turow, Seattle University
Mindfulness and self-compassion are now buzzwords for self-improvement. But in fact, a growing body of research shows these practices can lead to real mental health benefits. This research – ongoing, voluminous, and worldwide – clearly shows how and why these two practices work.
One effective way to cultivate mindfulness and self-compassion is through meditation.
For more than 20 years, as a clinical psychologist, research scientist, and educator, I taught meditation to students and clinical patients and took a deep dive into the research literature. My recent book, “The Self-Talk Workout: Six Science-Backed Strategies to Dissolve Self-Criticism and Transform the Voice in Your Head,” highlights much of that research. I learned even more when I evaluated mental health programs and psychology classes that train participants in mindfulness and compassion-based techniques.
Defining mindfulness and self-compassionMindfulness means purposefully paying attention to the present moment with an attitude of interest or curiosity rather than judgment. Self-compassion involves being kind and understanding toward yourself, even during moments of suffering or failure.
Both are associated with greater well-being.
But don’t confuse self-compassion with self-esteem or self-centeredness, or assume that it somehow lowers your standards, motivation or productivity. Instead, research shows that self-compassion is linked with greater motivation, less procrastination and better relationships.
Could mindfulness meditation be the next public health revolution?Be patient when starting a meditation practiceI didn’t like meditation – the specific practice sessions that train mindfulness and self-compassion – the first time I tried it as a college student in the late ‘90s. I felt like a failure when my mind wandered, and I interpreted that as a sign that I couldn’t do it.
In both my own and others’ meditation practices, I’ve noticed that the beginning is often rocky and full of doubt, resistance, and distraction. But what seem like impediments can actually enhance meditation practice, because the mental work of handling them builds strength.
For the first six months, I meditated, my body and mind were restless. I wanted to get up and do other tasks. But I didn’t. Eventually, it became easier to notice my urges and thoughts without acting upon them. I didn’t get as upset with myself. After about a year of consistent meditation, my mind seemed more organized and controllable; it no longer got stuck in self-critical loops. I felt a sense of kindness or friendliness toward myself in everyday moments, as well as during joyful or difficult experiences. I enjoyed ordinary activities more, such as walking or cleaning.
It took a while to understand that anytime you sit down and try to meditate, that’s meditation. It is a mental process, rather than a destination.
How meditation works on the mindJust having a general intention to be more mindful or self-compassionate is unlikely to work. Most programs shown to make meaningful differences involve at least seven sessions. Studies show these repeated workouts improve attention skills and decrease rumination, or repeated negative thinking. They also lessen self-criticism, which is linked to numerous mental health difficulties, including depression, anxiety, eating disorders, self-harm, and post-traumatic stress disorder.
Meditation is not just about sustaining your attention – it’s also about shifting and returning your focus after the distraction. The act of shifting and refocusing cultivates attention skills and decreases rumination. Trying repeatedly to refrain from self-judgment during the session will train your mind to be less self-critical.
An interconnected group of brain regions called the default mode network is strikingly affected by meditation. Much of this network’s activity reflects repetitive thinking, such as a rehash of a decadeslong tension with your sister. It’s most prominent when you’re not doing much of anything. Activity of the default mode network is related to rumination, unhappiness, and depression.
Research shows that just one month of meditation reduces the noise of the default mode network. The type of meditation practice doesn’t seem to matter.
Don’t be discouraged if your mind wanders as you meditate.Establishing the formal practiceA common misconception about mindfulness is that it’s simply a way to relax or clear the mind. Rather, it means intentionally paying attention to your experiences in a nonjudgmental way.
Consider meditation the formal part of your practice – that is, setting aside a time to work on specific mindfulness and self-compassion techniques.
Cultivating mindfulness with meditation often involves focusing on paying attention to the breath. A common way to start practice is to sit in a comfortable place and bring attention to your breathing, wherever you feel it most strongly. At some point, probably after a breath or two, your mind will wander to another thought or feeling. As soon as you notice that, you can bring your attention back to the breath and try not to judge yourself for losing focus for five to 10 minutes.
When I was just getting started meditating, I would have to redirect my attention dozens or hundreds of times in a 20-to-30-minute session. Counting 10 breaths, and then another 10, and so on, helped me link my mind to the task of paying attention to my breathing.
The most well-established technique for cultivating self-compassion is called loving-kindness meditation. To practice, you can find a comfortable position, and for at least five minutes, internally repeat phrases such as, “May I be safe. May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I live with ease.”
When your attention wanders, you can bring it back with as little self-judgment as possible and continue repeating the phrases. Then, if you like, offer the same well wishes to other people or to all beings. Every time you return your focus to your practice without judging, you’re flexing your mental awareness, because you noticed your mind wandered. You also improve your capacity to shift attention, a valuable anti-rumination skill, and your nonjudgment, an antidote to self-criticism.
These practices work. Studies show that brain activity during meditation results in less self-judgment, depression, and anxiety and results in less rumination.
Mindfulness also occurs when you tune into present-moment sensations, such as tasting your food or washing the dishes. An ongoing routine of formal and informal practice can transform your thinking. And again, doing it once in a while won’t help as much. It’s like situps: A single situp isn’t likely to strengthen your abdominal muscles, but doing several sets each day will.
When thoughts pop up during meditation, no worries. Just start again … and again … and again.Meditation reduces self-criticismStudies show that mindfulness meditation and loving-kindness meditation reduce self-criticism, which leads to better mental health, including lower levels of depression, anxiety, and PTSD. After an eight-week mindfulness program, participants experienced less self-judgment. These changes were linked with decreases in depression and anxiety.
One final point: Beginning meditators may find that self-criticism gets worse before it gets better. After years or decades of habitual self-judgment, people often judge themselves harshly about losing focus during meditation. But once students get through the first few weeks of practice, the self-judgment begins to abate, both about meditation and about oneself in general.
As one of my students recently said after several weeks of mindfulness meditation: “I am more stable, more able to detach from unhelpful thoughts and can do all of this while being a little more compassionate and loving toward myself.”
Rachel Goldsmith Turow, Adjunct Assistant Professor in Population Health Science and Policy, Seattle University
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
Dear ones many of you are asking how to move into the 5D state of consciousness and once there how to maintain that vibrational state. We tell you, the way is clear. It has always been clear and it will always remain clear. The only thing blocking your entry is you. The gift of free will means you determine what you’ll permit and what you’ll oppose. If you desire to enter into the 5D state then you must permit yourself to raise your vibration to gain entry and oppose everything that would prevent this from happening.
Give yourself permission to step out of the place of fear and doubt and then allow yourself to step into the place of certainty and trust
How can you raise your vibration? Through your conscious choice to align with bliss and reject everything that’s not in alignment with that state. You must consciously choose to align the entirety of your being with Divine truth. Divine truth recognizes only love, joy, and peace. Therefore you must move into vibrational harmony with your highest good. The Divine cannot and will not lower their vibration to include you in a lowered state. You must also recognize that what’s best for you is that which is already desired for you by the Divine. Give yourself permission to step out of the place of fear and doubt and then allow yourself to step into the place of certainty and trust. For, it is within this place of certain good that miracles abound.
You cannot pick and choose among yourselves who you will bless and you will curse, you must open your heart to all
The 5D conscious state is not a place you’ll be transported to, it’s a vibrational state of being in which you’ll exist. The longer you hold this state of vibrational beingness the easier it will be for you to remain in it and be an example for others who are still questioning the need to live in this state. As you demonstrate the contentment and bliss you’ve gained from this way of being, others will be encouraged to make their own way into this state. It’s important to remember that all are one. Therefore, as one prospers, all prosper. The more who honor the ideal vibrational state the better existence for everyone. You cannot pick and choose among yourselves who you will bless and you will curse, you must open your heart to all.
Whether it’s self-hatred or hatred toward another the energy of destruction must be released before entry will be permitted
The way into bliss is narrow, it requires that you let go of all of the attitudes, behaviors, thoughts, and feelings that are limiting, judgmental or negative. The gate to entry bars those who are bent on destruction from crossing its threshold. Whether it’s self-hatred or hatred toward another the energy of destruction must be released before entry will be permitted. All those ways in which you’re criticizing yourself or others are keeping you bound to a lower order of existence. Even though you will remain in the physical body while you’re on earth you must remember that your spirit’s not confined within the physical vessel. To advance you must set yourself free.
No one will be denied entry, regardless of their past misdeeds as long as they have released the darkness of negativity that was keeping them bound to a lower order
Once you allow yourself to let go of all of the heaviness you’ve created by feeling bad about yourself, your world, or someone else you will automatically begin moving to the more ideal state of the fifth dimension. No one will be denied entry, regardless of their past misdeeds as long as they have released the darkness of negativity that was keeping them bound to a lower order. On the other hand, no one who tries to force their way forward will see significant progress or lightning within their energetic field. Free will states that each individual must freely choose to release that which no longer serves them so they may receive their highest good. Force is not free will and free will cannot be forced, it must be chosen.
If you feel a state of contented bliss, congratulations, you’re moving into a state of being that will enable you to remain within the 5D state
To choose successfully, set before yourself the path you are currently on. Assess this path for its intrinsic value. What are you gaining in terms of quality of life, relationships, personal growth, spiritual advancement, revenue, and joy? If you feel a state of contented bliss, congratulations, you’re moving into a state of being that will enable you to remain within the 5D state. If you feel some areas of discomfort simply modify your behavior within those areas until you feel the energy within you flowing freely without restrictions. This means you must correct situations as they arise rather than ignoring them and hoping they’ll resolve themselves. Don’t wait, be quick, and do the inner work before the problem becomes insurmountable.
You are the commander of your energy. You are the creator of your life. It is you who determines what you will allow yourself to tolerate
If you’ve found yourself on a path of dissatisfaction, then it’s time to do the work of discovery. Take each aspect of your life separately and determine your level of satisfaction or contentment. In those areas where there is dissatisfaction, commit to doing the inner work, releasing the negativity, and allowing yourself to align with a higher vibrational state. The greater your overall satisfaction, the greater your alignment with your highest good, and the greater your ability to remain in the continual state of 5D consciousness. You are the commander of your energy. You are the creator of your life. It is you who determines what you will allow yourself to tolerate.
Release the heavy weight of negativity, honor all aspects of yourself, and give yourself permission to feel good
Instead of being complacent and allowing outer circumstances to determine your inner state of peace, be proactive. Release the heavy weight of negativity, honor all aspects of yourself, and give yourself permission to feel good by choosing to exist within the 5D conscious state of love, joy, and peace.
Have you ever thought about how much information we take in throughout our day? Radio broadcasts, television shows, information shared verbally, words in print, images, and songs, all these sources continue to play in our heads hours after we encounter them.
As we take a moment to eat dinner, relax at the end of the day or lie in bed, our minds continually process all the input from our day. Such mental clutter leaves us feeling unsettled consciously and subconsciously.
Often, the activities we pick to help us to relax or decompress only add to the clutter within. For instance, watching television, reading a book, or talking to a friend or spouse only has us taking in more information.
I encourage you to be aware of the above and instead allow yourself to make time to draw your attention inward to the sensations of the breath in our bodies, slowing our mental activity enough that our minds begin to settle. Take a walk, do some stretching or yoga, practice deep breathing exercises, or stare at the night sky and stars.
The key is to draw your attention away from mental activity. Once you are mentally relaxed, you can begin the process of clearing the mind of all its clutter. Daily setting aside time to clear the mind over time can become second nature, with less effort. The mind becomes more open and receptive to new experiences, new information because it is free of yesterday’s clutter.
I encourage you to give it a try this week!
I do not surrender myself to guides, ascended masters, beings of light, or other energies. Rather, I know them to be Allies who guide me as I surrender to the eternal light of source which resides within me and to which I am directly connected from the beginning.
It’s time to GO DIRECT!
My inner spark. I feel the flow of energy along the kristinline cord which runs through my light body, my heart… it’s magnetic pull from my roots, igniting the neuro pathways of my being as I become PRESENCE
I AM in breathing
I AM absorbing
I AM expanding
I AM Projecting
The primordial light of my true essence and the current of essence which runs through the whole of life. The whole of Creation.
It’s time to GO DIRECT
I AM the STAFF and I AM the ROD
I AM the light that will not veil.
I AM PRESENCE
It’s time to GO DIRECT
Gently anchored to the bounty of the earth and spirit.
In-Body, In Power, In-Soul
I AM my I AM Presence
I walk in PEACE
I walk in the cosmic fires and rays fed through the pillar of light. No harm comes to me.
Through my body, the vibration of my love is offered and added to the currents of life for those who wish to be reminded of their own light. The signs are in the earth, air, seas, and skies. When looked upon my gaze, it is seen through my eyes. Felt in the Heart.
When taken in through the body and breath I AM the fire that will ignite and awaken others by PRESENCE. The flames embodied are infinite, dancing together in harmonic resonance.
Allow PRESENCE to flow in and through the body.
It’s time to GO DIRECT!
Love You,
Gina
In many of my previous writings, I refer to the ‘space between’ our thoughts and ‘things’ and our subsequent reactions to these things. The question is, how do these internal spaces interact with and influence the outer spaces of our lives?
The answer lies within the intentions behind our thoughts. How we direct our internal thoughts in our daily narrative influences what plays out before us externally. This is how we serve as portals for change.
This magical space is where we get to play director and ‘take a knee’ to contemplate our choices. The act of simply taking a pause moves us immediately from a ‘reactive state’ governed by the chaotic unconscious to that of an ‘active state’ of conscious choice. In other words, do we wish to create consciously or unconsciously the outcome of our circumstances?
To create consciously, we need to first be aware of the aspect of our personality being triggered by some ‘thing’. The best results emerge from sharing stories with simplicity.
One story I’d like to share is the of a book I used to read to my daughter every night before bed called,’ The Kissing Hand,’ written by the lovely author Audrey Penn. Its message is about trying to understand the mindset of a ‘bully’ as being a misguided soul acting out of contempt when confronted by feelings of inferiority. Bullies have an incessant need to be the ones ‘in charge’ all the time. Controlling others is how they feel powerful.
The mother of the ‘bullied’ character in the story encourages her child to act with compassion rather than contempt when confronted by the bully. She explains to her child that the bully is a wounded soul, looking to hide his pain by behaving badly. It is not easy to be friendly to a ‘bully’. And only other bullies remain in ‘bully groups.’ Birds of a feather, you know. Best to swim in warmer waters.
However, in my young daughter’s case, she so wanted to belong in a ‘friend group’ that she did not see the turbulent waters of the cesspool she was attempting to swim in.
She experienced a different side of the ‘bully factor’ by being excluded from the ‘girl groups’ that began forming early on. Lordy, I saw it emerging in kindergarten! By middle school, those waters were shark infested. So instead, I encouraged her to form her own alliances with the other castaways from the so-called ‘cool girls.’ As it turned out, many of them were formerly associated with these ‘clicks’ or bully groups and sent packing for one reason or another.
There was only one condition for membership in my daughter’s group. No one was the ‘leader’ and everyone was welcome so long as kindness and inclusion were always demonstrated. Opening the doorway to one’s sense of belonging is transformational and will lead to a path of better understanding others.
It is more than just discovering the good in people or seeking new relationships. These are the doorways to the space between. An opening into our own consciousness that leads to the discovery of all possibilities within a deeper realm of experience.
How we treat others, (and especially ourselves) matters. It is the way we interact with the world around us that moves us to think and engage in diverse ways so we may rise to the challenges of day-to-day life.
I am pleased to see the articles published lately that are heavily focused on the ‘re-framing’ of the mindset in the act of ‘taking pause’ when we are engaged in conflict or ‘triggered’ emotionally in some way. It moves us from ‘re-action’ to ‘action’ by creating the space needed to make shifts in our thought processes when interacting with the world. That ‘space’ could be the difference between life and death.
I think of this every time a mass shooting occurs. My mind is immediately catapulted back in time to my senior year of high school. Life was simpler then. When I think of the world my child is growing up in now, with active shooter drills, bans on books and bodies, and harmless drag shows, it makes me sad.
My intention for this post is NOT to get political. But seriously folks. What is more likely to cause severe injury or even death to your child? Is it a drag show or banned reading material? Or is it staring down the barrel of a gun? For me, this is a no-brainer. And for the love of God, what kind of world have we created when an innocent act of pulling into the wrong driveway or fetching a basketball that has rolled into someone’s yard gets you shot?
My early experience involved losing a loved one to gun violence. In fact, it was during the summer of my senior year that my girlfriend was shot and killed by her stepbrother. I cannot go into the details, but that memory bubbles to the surface every time I hear of these shootings. Those gunshots ring out in my mind, piercing my heart all over again as if it happened yesterday. That is how raw the wound still is, over forty years later. It NEVER goes away.
The questions still haunt me. What if I was there? Could I have stopped it? What if she had lived? Would she remember me? The answer came in a dream the other night. I dreamed of walking through her old neighborhood and showing her photograph to everyone I encountered. No one recognized her face, but one lady recognized her by name.
I asked if she could take me to her, and she said, “Yes, she is standing right behind you.”
I turned around to meet the eyes of a stranger. Her face was disfigured, and unrecognizable to me. That would make sense, as the bullet struck her in the face. She seemed not to have any idea who I was either. She shook her head no when I mentioned my name. But I did notice the very distinct birthmark on the side of her face that confirmed her identity to me.
In an instant, I was devastated all over again. But shortly thereafter, my thoughts suddenly shifted, and I became acutely aware of being in the ‘space between.’ It is in that ‘dream-like’ state where we are present in the realm of all possibilities. Was this an alternate version of what may have played out had she survived? Maybe…maybe not. But for me, the message of this version was clear.
If she had lived, she would not have remembered who I was. The memory of us was wiped away by a single bullet. Perhaps, to lose her in that way would have been even more painful, not to mention the physical challenges she would have endured.
When I awoke, the memory of my dream lingered for a while as I contemplated my feelings about it. My perspective of the events of the past had shifted. The heart that had been shattered so long ago finally felt ‘at peace’ for the first time in decades. I found myself suddenly filled with gratitude instead of anger.
They say God only gives you as much as you can manage. And I am now certain that her death was an act of his loving mercy on us both. “Thank you, God,” I whispered. “For not putting us through that.”
My dream sequence is the perfect example of recognizing a part of me that still suffers from my past when triggered by current events. The transformation begins when the mindset shifts from pain to compassion, patching the deep puncture wounds of trauma.
Every time that memory is stirred, it no longer sits at the bottom of the cauldron building layers upon layers of soot to sift through later. It is a process of healing, as with any buried trauma. It will continue to recycle its energy every time the wiring of that memory is tapped. However, when we address each uprising with compassion for ourselves and even the ones who may have hurt us, we set in motion a mindset of healing rather than one of pain and dis-ease.
I saw a quote the other day that sums things up here beautifully:
No amount of regret changes the past. No amount of anxiety changes the future. But any amount of gratitude changes the present.
– Marc & Angel Chernoff
Always seek the ‘higher ground’ in every situation…It just may save your life.
Nursing school was rocky for me, at best. The community college where I received my Associate Degree in Nursing (ADN) had a perfect record of students successfully passing state boards on the first sitting. Never a failure on their part. To ensure this excellent record remain unstained they set the bar high. The last passing grade was 84%. Score 83.9% and you were out. If any of the instructors didn’t like you, you were out. No explanation needed; you were just done. I was fortunate. All but one of the instructors liked my empathy, my wit, and my goofiness. The one, a former army drill sergeant (no joking), did her best to get me removed… three times. I firmly believe to this day that she’s the reason I succeeded. Thus, she’s the reason many of my patients lived. My innate, highly acute intuition saved many people’s lives.
Ever wanted something so badly, especially when all odds were stacked against you, that failure was not an option? Yep, me too.
In the ’80s, the term neurodivergence was unknown. So, I clearly couldn’t have had it, right?
Looking back, I scratch my head in wonder at that young nursing student who pulled grades > 84%, passed every test – and clinic — in that nursing program, and passed her state boards on the first sitting. Now, I’m proud of what I accomplished. Yet I’m sorry to say it’s only been in the last few months that I’ve awakened to this realization.
That amazing young woman was beaten up, often, by the person who was closest to her: herself. Sadly, this continues to happen to other neurodivergent people every day. I’d be embarrassed to tell you what I told myself over the years. Suffice it to say, you can guess what it is. I’m making it my mission to call attention to this, to call it out, to shed light on – possibilities. To finding a way to elevate others like me. Other neurodivergent’s who continue to berate themselves because no one has shared with them their innate brilliance. They’ve yet to learn there’s a better way. Join me as I take this walk through the unknown, as I toss down a few words leaving a paper trail of hope for those who follow.
I ask my friends who have done this, could it be like walking The Camino de Santiago?
A few days ago, I heard a song I hadn’t heard since Bush was President. I was soon smiling on the outside and skipping on the inside. “Happy”. A few minutes later, another song reminded me, “Don’t worry. Be happy.”
Is there a message here?I didn’t get the worry gene and, believe me, I have thanked God many times that he bypassed me with that one! But here’s a confession. Reading the news, listening to the talk, watching clips of current events on instant repeat, and S.o.c.i.a.l. M.e.d.i.a all plant microscopic worry seeds in my mind.
What happens to nurtured seeds? They grow.
My husband bookends his days with the news and sandwiches in an extra dose at noon. (insert rolled eyes) I have access to the intersecting views of world events and diverse agendas that create the perfect storm of conflicting opinions.
It’s important to be informed, but there is no value in fueling uncertainty of what happens next, fear of the unknown, and dread of the future unless you prefer to live without hope.
There is no happy when there is no hope.
Incessant retelling of what should be, what to believe, and what is wrong with the world grows microscopic worry seeds the size of jackfruit, and it creates the perfect environment for unrest and worry.
I can choose a steady stream of life in the minor key or I can play the music of hope and joy into my soul. I can access happy through good things, good thoughts, good experiences, and good news, just like I can access the negative.
About 12 years ago, I started choosing a word for the year, and 5 years ago I began choosing a scripture verse. This year my word is steadfast. My verse is Philippians 4:8-9 Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy—dwell on these things. Do what you have learned … and the God of peace will be with you.
Is there a message here? I choose happy, and to fill my mind with so much of what is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, morally excellent, and praiseworthy, there is no room for worry seeds to germinate.
One thing I know for sure and maybe you believe it too. Stop worrying! It is not serving you.
Don’t worry. Be happy.
It’s so very normal for this question to come up in the exploration of our essential nature. But in my experience it’s always a move towards what’s more aligned — and therefore what feels better — so what’s to fear?
It’s so very normal for fear to arise in the nondual awakening exploration. Particularly with the direct path (as opposed to the progressive path) because with the direct path, we look directly at who you are and directly at what you’re not. It can be done gently and lovingly, which is totally my preference, but ultimately there is one recognition of who you really are.
When you’re identified with the mind, you don’t want to look at this and the obvious next question is ‘what will become of me?’
Why does this fear and question arise?Because when identified with the mind you believe that what you’re not is who you are. Read that again — there’s a belief that what you are not — what is not essential to who you are — is essential to who you are.
Can you feel the confusion that arises from believing that?
Can you see why the fear makes perfect sense?
Imagine it like this.There’s a person who was born holding a hat. They didn’t know they were holding a hat. It had always been there so it was invisible to them that this was an additional object. One day someone pointed out to them that the hat wasn’t essential to who they are. Instinctively they pulled the hat closer. And told the other person to go away and leave them alone.
This is the fear that arises.
And so, given we’ve grown up collecting more and more hats, with nobody telling us they’re not essential to us, it’s understandable that fear will arise when this is suggested. Because by this time you’ve come to identify with the hats, and you’ve collected so many of them, and they all look necessary for you to continue being you. So yes, you don’t like it when someone says they’re not who you really are.
If you do manage to entertain the consideration that they’re not who you are, the obvious question then arises “but what will become of me if I don’t hold onto all these hats?” (You get it that the hats are like thoughts and ideas, right?)
So therefore, in more detail, the question (and fear) is “what will become of me if I don’t [do this / behave like this / enjoy that / speak like this / have those people in my life / have this reputation / job / income]?”
I get it.On my journey, I had the fear of becoming an unmotivated blancmange in the corner (it was always a blancmange for some reason!).
I had the fear of becoming weird. Or woo woo.
Fear of becoming like ‘those’ nondual teachers.
And yet — the pull of the exploration drew me on. It far outweighed any fear that the mind could bring. And I was helped by my own coach reassuring me that the exploration doesn’t lead to a cookie-cutter outcome.
My clients tell me this too.
These same kinds of fears about who they will become if they keep exploring.
And yet I’ve never met or worked with anyone for whom these fears came true.
It doesn’t mean things don’t change. Friendships might change. Preferences might change. Your job might change. The kinds of things you talk about might change. And they might not.
We can’t predict it. And we don’t need to predict it because:
These things are not essential to who you are and so you are unaffected by them coming, going, or changing. If and when they do change, there is a known perfection to that. It’s often a relief. Always a move towards what’s more aligned — and therefore what feels better — so what’s to fear?
Have you been afraid of what will become of you? How does that feel now?
Much love, Helen
We are wired for delight
and equipped for pleasure
and so how lovely it is to
witness the ways gladness
can spread across a room
carried along on currents
of luscious laughter and
the contagion of giggles
Our taste inclines itself
toward sweet happiness
which hurries and leaps
into any crack or opening
and blossoms there
while smiles scatter seeds of
blessing in all directions
How exciting to experience
glee as it gallivants along
blowing the lid off the confines
of shoulds and cannots
as surely as the old jack-in-the-box
that finally bursts out of hiding
after being wound
too tight for too long
How delicious it can be to witness
joy jump over or jauntily stroll
around our daily concerns
and difficulties
creating irrepressible waves
of hope and possibility
in its wake
from the heart, mind, and pen of Minx
The concept of stillness is an integral part of our lives. Meditation, prayer, mindfulness, reflection, and alone time quiet our bodies and minds and help us ease our feelings of anxiety and overwhelm. Though, it is hard to bring ourselves to complete stillness. Because we have learned to rush, do more and do it faster.
Do you remember being a little kid when time seemed to drag, and you always wanted to be older? You couldn’t wait to become a teenager, get your driver’s license or graduate. As we become adults, we long for the slow-moving time of our younger years.
But how could we cultivate slowness when we can’t sit still long enough and breathe?
What is stillness?Stillness refers to a state of physical and mental calmness, tranquility, and absence of movement or noise. It is a state of being where the mind and body are relaxed, and there is a sense of inner peace. We achieve stillness through various practices such as meditation, deep breathing, and mindfulness. It allows us to slow down, disconnect from distractions, and be present at the moment. In stillness, we gain clarity, insight, perspective and access deeper consciousness and inner wisdom.
The simple definition of stillness is to become motionless and silent. I believe there is something deeper to the quality of this innate center of our being. There is something extremely dynamic to the element of stillness. When we get to this state in our bodies and minds, quite extraordinary mechanics can come through in terms of healing and self-regulation.
Within yourself is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.
― Herman Hesse
Why do we need stillness?Our bodies need to slow down to recharge. And slowing down helps us find our breath as a gateway to the present moment. Additionally, our brain and central nervous system need ease and quiet to repair. The heart of stillness is listening. And when we listen, we can hear what our bodies truly need or ask from us.
That creates an opportunity to connect with our true nature. Where we learn to be more at ease and cultivate more compassion, and by doing that, we may find a better sense of safety in ourselves and our environment.
When we get still, we also give those around us the potential to do the same. Furthermore, accessing our stillness, our true nature, has a ripple effect on the world around us.
I encourage you to give yourself the gift of slowing down today. Make time to practice stillness, as you need to slow down if you would like to speed up. Think about what that means to you.
Slow down to speed up.
We expect more from technology and less from each other. We create technology to provide the illusion of companionship without the demands of friendship. If you want to change the way people respond to you, change the way you respond to people.
A walk down memory lane is a journey back in time, to a place where we can remember the good times, the bad times, and everything in between. It can be a time of nostalgia, laughter, and tears. It can be a time to reflect on our lives and appreciate all that we have. Which is why we are so grateful for the “gift” of genuine community experienced just a month ago during our Encounter 360° gathering in Tampa Bay, where we listened, we learned, we laughed and we shared tears of joy. More about it all here: NOURISHING HEARTS: A SYMPHONY OF TREASURED MOMENTS
Savoring Our Moments TogetherWe understand, appreciate and fully embrace the spirit of “Ichigo-Ichie”, the Japanese idiom that served as the foundation for the two-day experience, as we treasured every moment, recognizing that every moment, every gathering, and every encounter only happens once, and it will never be repeated in the same way again. If you haven’t already done so, perhaps it’s time to take a stroll through our 100+ photos, capturing so many special moments in time: ENCOUNTER 360° GALLERY And thanks to Richard Meyer, we’ve got a NEW SECOND GALLERY HERE.
Basic human contact – the meeting of eyes, the exchanging of words – is to the psyche what oxygen is to the brain. If you’re feeling abandoned by the world, interact with anyone you can.
~ Martha Beck
Rediscovering the “Magic” of Handshakes and HugsAs social creatures, humans need interpersonal contact to survive. These connections range from your inner circle of family and close friends to the outer rungs of your social network — and it’s important to have this variety. And what better way to initiate that social contact than with a hug or handshake? Handshakes and hugs are two simple gestures that can have a big impact on our health and well-being, making us feel more connected to others, reducing stress, and boosting our immune systems. Handshakes are a common greeting in many cultures around the world. They are a way of showing respect, trust, and goodwill. Studies have shown that people who shake hands more often are more likely to report feeling happy and satisfied with their lives. Handshakes can also help to reduce stress. When we shake someone’s hand, we release oxytocin, a calming and bonding hormone.
Hugs are another way of showing affection and support. They can be even more powerful than handshakes when it comes to reducing stress and boosting our immune systems. When we hug someone, we release oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin, all of which have mood-boosting effects. Hugs can also lower blood pressure and heart rate. In addition to their physical benefits, hugs can also positively impact our mental health. They can help us to feel more connected to others, reduce loneliness and isolation, and increase feelings of self-worth.
So next time you see someone you know, don’t be afraid to reach out and shake their hand or give them a hug. These simple gestures can have a big impact on your health and well-being.
What’s Next?We’ve got plenty of “good stuff” filling up our proverbial whiteboard, so watch this space as we re-imagine even more ways to rediscover humanity at its best! And please know that we appreciate and thank all of you who have graciously joined our journey “for good”.
A Peek Under the Hood?As an aside, we’ve been approached by more and more people since the above gathering who want to learn more about what’s under our 360° Nation umbrella, inspiring us to create a one-time Online Event where the doors will be wide open to share more.
Join us here: 360° NATION INSIDE OUT**
Cause I know that
Fate could never force your hand.
Not in the future, not in the past
In every breath I can feel your resolve
Let yourself fall,
Run where the light calls.
Destiny can’t hold you down.
So, don’t look back over your shoulder now.
If there is nothing left inside the walls
Let yourself fall,
Run where the light calls.…. Luca Fogale
How many times have we felt that calling; that knowing but stayed where we were because it was safe? I know for me, more times than I care to remember.
I recently heard this song by Luca Fogale and it has stayed with me in a haunting yet beautiful way. It has landed on my heart, like a soft feather feeling the sweet affirmation to my life choices, and permission to keep moving forward in a way that is always walking toward the light.
As we grow into ourselves it is only with retrospect that we see how serendipity and or synchronicity shaped the trajectory of our path. Some choices were easier than others – energetically trusting that next step, a move, relationship or career change.
Other choices were harder – acknowledging our own boundaries or just doing what we know needed to be done. Perhaps it was protecting our peace, defending our family, or securing our future? It begs the question still: were we running FROM something or TO something different?
And then there were times as we were tripping over ourselves consciously choosing NOT to choose, which is a powerful choice. This is the safe space. It is not apathy, it is comfortable. And sometimes we need the familiarity to ground our thinking and know that we are protected. I can think of so many scenarios where this was my chosen path. No regrets.
Then as Paulo Coehlo shared so eloquently:
“One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through” ….
For me, this is running where the light calls.
This takes an immense amount of courage, trust, determination, and grace. It is a feeling under your skin, and in the deepest core of your being. It is an invisible pull you may not fully understand but trust the shades of grey and the clarity when it arrives.
The most challenging part of this process can be the perception of others, the idea you are resisting the ‘normal way’ or at least not following the story that others may have written or at least expected.
Unconventional, untraditional, out-of-the-box, rebel, or maybe just a little weird could be one viewpoint.
Adventurous, daring, brave, bold, or fearless could be another viewpoint.
And then the time will come, where these descriptors just don’t matter anymore.
Seasons change, we change, we move with our personal currents of truth, or we don’t.
I read once, if we do not change, we do not grow, and if we do not grow, we die.
I remain committed to growing and am dedicated to running where the light calls.
Almost 28 months ago, my husband and I moved from Houston Texas to Portugal. It was a thoughtful, energizing, and scary process. We knew there was something calling us to an expanded view of the world, to our relationship and family. It felt CRAZY and out of the normal path, but we could feel that invisible pull – we listened, and we moved. No regrets.
This is not for everyone – these are all very personal choices and should be held as such. There just comes a time, once you have the awareness and the feeling of resolve, it is giving yourself permission to fall, to fail, to soar.
In the past 2 years my life has expanded in ways that I never knew was possible:
Traveled to 7 countries.
Did stand up paddle board and stand-up paddleboard yoga in the Atlantic Ocean.
Took a cooking class in Paris.
Dove into the Ionian see off a boat.
Mastered a headstand.
Currently helping a 90-year-old friend recount her life history on paper.
Reconnected with my sister who I have not seen or known for 50 years….
This is not off a bucket list… It is my version of letting myself fall.
Running where the light calls.
Is there a light calling you?
This animated video offers hope for creating together a world that honors our collective needs by building on what unifies us. Making personal change that scales up to social change requires meeting our most important needs and recognizing that people are different. These differences can add color and richness to life and they can also be polarizing. Knowing another person’s needs is a starting point for understanding and co-creating a world that meets our collective needs.
Every April, people with autism and their families, friends, and advocates come together to celebrate people with autism, share their stories and create a more inclusive world—together. – Autism Speaks website
As most of you are aware, our oldest son, Matthew, was diagnosed with a form of autism over 10 years ago. It’s a challenge raising children in general. It’s more of a challenge raising children with special needs. The most challenging part for Jenn and me was being first-time parents and not knowing where to go for information, support, and guidance.
Life is not linear. There are many twists and turns as you know. Our son, Matt, is thriving. Upon diagnosis, his medical practitioners classified him as Level 1 on the Asperger’s Spectrum. Sounds like a foreign language when you are scared young parents trying to be the best parents you can be.
Matthew is a highly functioning 21-year-old. He is taking courses in college for music production, is a trained kickboxer moving towards his next belt level, and is a music artist/producer working with his best friend to make a name for himself in the music industry.
This month and every month, please celebrate and pray for people with autism. They are resilient, smart, and elite human beings and we can all learn so much from them.
I love you, Matthew. Love, Dad
Who do you celebrate today?
We tend to believe that happiness comes from success. In reality, then, it doesn’t work (at least not always) like this.
We agree: people, in general, want to obtain a good level of financial stability and due recognition for their achievements, they want to experience the maximum possible pleasure in the professional field because it is a reason for greater happiness in life.
And they are right, they are reasonable aspirations. In fact, it cannot be denied that with willpower and commitment, significant results can be achieved in the context of one’s goals in life, however ambitious they may be. For this reason, therefore, many individuals, especially the more ambitious and diligent ones, simplify the equation in an apparently logical way: they seek success, engaging all their energies, in the belief that it is the antechamber of happiness.
How to explain, then, that often, once you have achieved professional success, that one wonders if it was worth wasting so much energy for a success that doesn’t fully fulfill? I guess the following reasons.
The exaggerated cult of performativity at any cost, the idea that to be worth something in life you need to be able to impose yourself better and in less time than others. A rhetorical model that is passed off as the only possible and, as such, is suffered by parents, not opposed by society, is fed by the media with the exaltation of superstars and the diffusion of talent shows, where one is judged continuously and all that counts is to be first.
A more balanced society shouldn’t just exhibit role models who always push to be exceptional, and successful in a given profession.
Success itself does not guarantee happiness. To be happy it’s not enough to win, it’s not even enough to become the best in the world, you have to feel fully accomplished, love what you do, and express all the potential you have within us and that drives us to succeed.
It is above all the journey, not the destination itself, that counts: dreams and goals are used only to measure progress, and it is precisely the latter that brings happiness, not the goal itself: satisfaction comes from the steps we do towards activities that are meaningful to us. Small progress must already make us feel good. In short, it is the emotions we feel along the way, the state of mind, which play a central role in a person’s professional and personal life.
Meanwhile, we should decide what is the right goal “for us”, and ask ourselves if we are looking for what can produce within us those emotional states that we really want, those feelings that we want to experience continuously in our lives because they satisfy our most deep. Don’t spend energy to achieve goals proposed from outside, moving away from our most authentic desires, those that make us feel complete, that make our life satisfying, and interesting, according to “our” point of view.
The road to happiness passes through self-realization, through a journey of emotions experienced in full awareness of what we are building, what makes us feel truly fulfilled, what we need, and what we must leave instead lose because it has no real meaning to us.
Success and happiness are obviously linked, but this alchemy may work better in the opposite direction to what most people imagine. Convincing ourselves that pursuing the success suggested by externally imposed models is no guarantee of happiness, indeed, at best it is an ineffective strategy for us.
The best strategy is to understand what can make us happy, to know our inner needs, and, by working to achieve “our” happiness, we can also achieve success.
So, then, can we conclude that happiness is not simply the consequence of ephemeral positive events but, on the contrary, it is the inner condition that contributes to generating and also producing success, results, and rewarding conditions of life?
If we are always arriving and departing, it is also true that we are eternally anchored. One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.
~ Henry Miller
Recently, I experienced an exquisite day to “be” on the water. I volunteered to be a crew member on the sailing vessel Jade, for a Hospice Cup event. I got to track the time on a stopwatch—which, fortunately for me, required very few sailing skills—if any. Suffice it to say, my job was essentially to sit and watch the REAL sailors do their thing.
As Captain Al Lima piloted his beautiful boat out of the harbor under diesel power a noisy “go-fast” speed boat zoomed by us adding more ear-piercing noise to the moment… and we waved and smiled as the noise faded in the distance. Then Captain Al turned off the engine on Jade as the crew hoisted the sails. The silence of running with the wind was stunning. At that moment, John, an experienced sailor, turned to me, smiled and, after taking a deep breath, said, “The destination is the boat.” As the noise from the engine ceased, his words penetrated my mind and heart—bringing me back to the present moment and I got it: powerboats are on a mission to get somewhere, usually fast; on a sailboat, once we hoisted the sails, we’ve arrived at our destination—the pristine, present moment.
Even while preparing for a Hospice Cup “Race” it really wasn’t about winning anything—it was about being one with the moment, the crew members, the water, and, oh, the dolphins, countless dolphins all around us, popping up to welcome us to the silence.
The takeaway is simple enough. The lesson reminded me to slow down, way down, and appreciate the moment. Can you relate? When tethered to one’s breath, silence seems to open the portal to the present moment, unlike any other experience. There is deep and profound wisdom in the admonition, “Be still and know.” Be still, listen, and know you have arrived. The practice is to remember it’s not always getting to the destination that matters most—it’s about enjoying the journey along the way; it’s about understanding the difference between “being and doing.”
As Ram Dass wrote, “Be here now.” Slow down, be still, breathe, listen to the silence, and smile—knowing we’ve already arrived on our journey to the place we never left; our oneness with life. Enjoy every sacred second of that journey because it is the most important one we’ll ever take.
Peace, Dennis Merritt Jones
Hey, there! AmyK here.Today I want to share with you a powerful shift that happened for one of my clients. She’d been telling herself the same story for years – and recently, it was making her miserable. The tipping point was when her daughter said to her, “Mom, you look miserable.”
Watch this video to see how we powerfully shifted her story together.
To helping people make BIG shifts so they can go out and PLAY better.
Hugs,
AmyK
Did you actually choose to read this? According to some biologists and neuroscientists, free will is an illusion. Nature and nurture conspire to program our response mechanisms so that we think we’re making choices, but we’re really nothing more than organic robots.
Do you find that depressing? If so, you’re not alone.
Research shows that belief in free will makes us happier since it imbues us with a sense of purpose and agency.
What’s more, belief in free will makes us more ethical. If we don’t have control over our choices, what’s the point of trying to make the right ones?
Why would anyone want to advocate for a position that we have no control over our actions? Perhaps because then we can abdicate all responsibility for making ethical choices, for aspiring to be good, kind, and virtuous.
Again, if those choices aren’t in our hands, why bother trying?
What should be obvious is that every time we struggle to make the right choice, we build our ethical muscles. Even if this time we get it wrong, next time we’ll have a better chance of getting it right.
- Don’t we want to be good?
- Don’t we want to be better than we are?
- Don’t we want to contribute to a society that aspires to goodness?
- Don’t we want others to see us as a source of inspiration?
- Don’t we want our businesses to thrive because we have created an aspirational culture?
What choices are you struggling with? What strategies do you have for choosing rightly and wisely?
In my daily practice, I have been working with the mantra I will there be light. What does that mean? Let me explain further by sharing something that came out of a conversation later that morning.
I was very grateful for an unexpected affirmation that came out of a call that I was making to organise a session the two of us were running. Sheona made an observation around the shift that they had been witnessing in my presence. One I had felt myself and by voicing it, she gave confirmation of that, an unexpected gift.
If we look at the world with benevolent and loving eyes then we will receive benevolence and love in return. I recognise how difficult this can be. We are all human too and it’s not to deny that we experience pain, betrayal, and suffering! That said it is worth remembering that hurt people hurt people. Let me show you an example of the magic that happens when we can transmute our pain.
Last weekend I had a need to go out and be with other people. And yet no matter what I attempted to organise everything seemed to be falling through. In my spiritual practice that day I was asked to reflect on grievances. At that moment I had a few.
The synchronicity of what happened made me laugh as I was aware of a grievance forming in relation to a group that I belong to. Initially, I felt the anger and injustice and could not get past that. At the same time, I realised that those emotions were causing me pain and made me feel alone. I took a moment to pause and go within to connect to what lay beneath all that: love.
It took a while and then I received a clear message about what to do. It meant allowing for the humanity of another and coming from grace. When I could do that I was able to see a clear path through it all.
I contacted a single friend of mine and asked her if she wanted to go out to a gig run by a bunch of women DJs for International Women’s Day as I knew it wasn’t my hubby’s cup of tea. She said yes and we went. We had an amazing time.
It was so much fun. I made some new friends and got invited to a party in May. Then three of us realised we all had birthdays within a week or two of each other and so we have decided to run a joint birthday party. I could never have expected all that from a night out plus there were some very helpful work opportunities which I may share more about when the time is right.
All this is an example of an everyday miracle and is what happens when we come from a place of love. Compassion and love are muscles that need to be developed and it can be challenging.
If you want some practical tips on how to live in a more compassionate loving way check out the following 10 ideas. Rosemary Lynch and Alain Richard have identified ten “principles” for those seeking to live a spiritual life of nonviolence. Active nonviolence calls us:
- To learn to recognize and respect “the sacred” in every person, including in ourselves, and in every piece of Creation. . . .
- To accept oneself deeply, “who I am” with all my gifts and richness, with all my limitations, errors, failings, and weaknesses, and to realize that I am accepted by God. .
- To recognize that what I resent, and perhaps even detest, in another, comes from my difficulty in admitting that this same reality lives also in me.
- To renounce dualism, the “we-they” mentality (Manicheism). This divides us into “good people/bad people” and allows us to demonize the adversary. It is the root of authoritarian and exclusivist behavior. It generates racism and makes possible conflicts and wars.
- To face fear and to deal with it not mainly with courage but with love.
- To understand and accept that the New Creation, the building up of the Beloved Community is always carried forward with others. It is never a “solo act.”
- To see ourselves as a part of the whole creation to which we foster a relationship of love, not of mastery, remembering that the destruction of our planet is a profoundly spiritual problem, not simply a scientific or technological one. We are one.
- To be ready to suffer, perhaps even with joy, if we believe this will help liberate the Divine in others. This includes the acceptance of our place and moment in history with its trauma, with its ambiguities.
- To be capable of celebration, of joy, when the presence of the Divine has been accepted, and when it has not been to help discover and recognise this fact.
- To slow down, to be patient, planting the seeds of love and forgiveness in our own hearts and in the hearts of those around us. Slowly we will grow in love, compassion and the capacity to forgive.
A gentle reminder this week – that when negative thoughts arise, addressing them rather than suppressing them is best. We have been taught that negative thoughts and feelings are bad. When we repress emotions that we feel are bad, they don’t go away; they just get buried deep within our unconscious mind and become memorized emotional patterns.
I encourage you to allow yourself to honor all thoughts and emotions. You are human, and the human experience includes all types of emotions.
Instead of blocking out thoughts and feelings that we label as negative, allow them instead to be observed. I share with my clients the analogy of watching a show or movie play out on the TV or the movie screen. Try your best to greet the experience with curiosity and non-judgment.
Try not to fear these thoughts and emotions. Remember, they do not define who we are; these thoughts and emotions only indicate our state of mind. You hold the power to change that state of mind. Sometimes it requires patience, love, and compassion. Other times you can be resilient and move through these thoughts and emotions with grace and ease.
One technique I found helpful is saying love and kindness statements to myself, and if it involves another person, I imagine saying these statements to them:
𝘔𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥.
𝘔𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺.
𝘔𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘵𝘩𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨.
𝘔𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦.
Always remember your life is a journey, and we get better at what we practice most.
I often appreciate the value of advice and wisdom from others. The articles on BizCatalyst 360°, for instance, are a treasure trove of wonderful wisdom and perspectives. However, I have also learned that simply receiving advice is not enough. Sure, it’s good to reinforce positive messages and affirmations in our lives – feed your mind healthy thoughts rather than garbage – but, we must also put it into practice in order to truly benefit from it.
It’s like when I study Japanese in a textbook (I live in Japan for those who aren’t aware). I might understand a grammatical point being demonstrated, and perhaps I memorize a few new vocabulary words, but until I go out and actually USE the stuff I’ve studied, I haven’t really “learned” anything at all.
Too often we seek guidance from others, only to ignore or dismiss it when it doesn’t align with our preconceived notions or desires. We might nod along in agreement or thank the person for their insight, but when it comes time to actually apply the advice in our lives, we resist or forget. We can read countless self-help books, BizCatalyst 360° articles, or even attend numerous therapy sessions if need be, but if we don’t actively apply what we’ve learned, it’s all for naught.
In Zen, there is a proverb:
If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are.
Put differently, things and situations exist as they are regardless of our thoughts about them. To understand is not enough to make real positive changes in the world, you have to put those thoughts into action.
It is also important to remember, of course, that not all advice is created equal. We must use discernment and judgment in deciding which advice to take to heart and which to discard. Just because someone offers a suggestion or interesting perspective doesn’t mean it’s right for us, and we must be willing to trust our own instincts and intuition when making decisions.
My point and encouragement here are this: Take a moment to reflect on the advice you receive, even from me here or in my LinkedIn posts, and consider how you might genuinely apply it. If we all did this – if we all strove to really put our positive thoughts and articles and wisdom into actual, real-world action – and we all collectively continued to gain and improve ourselves and the world, through our real-life actions… well, wow, what a world this could be!
Now, it’s time for me to “put up or shut up” and go read someone else’s article and actually, truly put it into use.
I was raised as the only child of a hard-working single Mom. In my formative years, she taught me so much about life and business. Truthfully, I didn’t know that’s what I was learning until the day came for me to enter the business world.
Then, moment by moment, as the tests and trials of my own career began to unfold, I realized she had done an amazing job at teaching me some very profound wisdom.
Here are Her 10 Truths:1. Believe in Yourself – Seldom will others believe in you, so you must always believe in yourself. This is especially true when starting a new gig. You are an unknown. It’s only human for others to have doubts about you until you get to prove yourself. So while a period of any transition is going on, believe in yourself. Stay strong.
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Mistakes do Happen – You will make them. But a winner will bounce back up. Learn from your mistakes and be sure to never make the same mistake twice.
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Your Word is Your Honor – Let your word be true. When she made a promise to a business person, the thing happened, whatever it was. If something got in the way and started to delay the delivery date or prohibit the honoring of the word, she was quick to address the change and get permission or acceptance to make a change.
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Set Lofty Goals – Dream big. Why work hard for small goals? Do something different if you have to, but hang on to those dreams. She left a steady paycheck to start her own business when I was still in school. Talk about being brave. Her dream guided her. She created a very successful interior design business that grew from residential design to large commercial (office buildings and retail) projects.
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Don’t Let Them See You Sweat – I know that’s been said by someone else, but I watched her live it. I have no doubt she went to bed some nights and cried herself to sleep because she had a big deadline or problem in front of her, but she never let it show. In the public eye, she was steel with grace.
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Keep Learning – Mom didn’t have a higher education. She started working right out of high school, but she never stopped learning. She read voraciously. She maintained a very open mind about culture, ethnicity, and moral code. This equipped her to be a gracious host, a warm welcome for anyone who came to visit, and a cherished memory for those who got to know her. She earned the respect of friends and colleagues far beyond her original station in life. She also taught me about the value of being mentored. Since there was no man in our house, she arranged my involvement with several very significant male mentors who taught me so many things. As a result, I am a patchwork quilt of the best qualities those men could teach.
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Be Compassionate – Despite her steely business sense, she had a special compassion for others. Her warmth was felt by so many. She volunteered at my school and elsewhere in the community though her time was tightly scheduled for her roles as a mother and business owner. She created her own sense of work-life balance that never left out quality time for generous giving of herself.
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Know Your Banker – Mom taught me about getting to know the banker. Perhaps that’s why I ended up in banking. Because of her tenuous financial condition as a sole provider and single-income head of household, she needed bank loans frequently. But she was shrewd. Loans were only made when good contracts had been awarded. The loans floated the projects (and our living expenses) until the payout was received. Then the loans were paid immediately. The bankers loved her as a customer. She never leveraged anything near 100%. The loans were always for less than the contract amount. That way, there was a profit to keep when the project closed and the loan was paid.
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Create and Guard Your Reputation – She had savage competition. However, she built a brand that included high integrity. She fiercely protected that brand reputation. Once when she was accused in the local newspaper of manipulating a contract award, she had to fight the allegations. She won and even received a published apology from the editor of the paper. Business boomed after that.
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Center on Faith – Last but certainly not least, Mom taught me about faith in God through Jesus. Her undeniable faith kept her strong through the darkest hours. She knew there was a force and a purpose far greater than herself with whom she could connect at any moment. Whether it was bedtime prayers or a quick discussion sitting in her car before an appointment, she sought divine guidance regularly. This faith even endured until her last breath on this earth. She always told me she and God had a deal, that, when it was her time to go, it would be quick. Sure enough at 1:00 AM on February 1, 2001, she had a massive stroke. She died less than 24 hours later. No pain, no suffering. Medically, the neurologist told me the brain hemorrhage that caused the stroke had cut off all feeling to her body. She needed no pain meds to ease her to the end.
My Mom was a remarkable woman, whose forward-thinking was well ahead of her time. Her unique collection of wit, grace, love, compassion, fire, and faith made me what I am today.
The poem below, by Walter Wintle, was on a plaque she gave me. She had first made the plaque for her father when she was a teenager. I was given the memento as my own family keepsake. It sums up everything I am telling you today. Very wise words to live by.
The Man Who Thinks He can
by Walter D. Wintle
If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don’t.
If you’d like to win, but think you can’t
It’s almost a cinch that you won’t
If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost,
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow’s will;
It’s all in the state of mind.
If you think you’re outclassed, you are.
You’ve got to think high to rise.
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.
Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man;
But sooner or later the man who wins
Is the one who thinks he can.
Who is the person in your life who has made the biggest impression?
Why do we try and make another’s experience better for them? Is it altruistic and about them, or are we actually doing it for ourselves? Supporting someone else in having a positive emotional experience can be a wonderful thing when we are not looking for anything back and we have no expectation other than to give.
For many of us, inconsistency in our early home life had us try and make things better for our caregivers as a way to make things OK for ourselves. We learned when our caregivers were feeling ‘OK’, we had a better chance of getting our own needs met. If our caregivers were not feeling OK, it felt unsafe, and we became very vulnerable thinking our needs won’t get met. The ego came to our emotional rescue as children as we had no way to handle this type of emotional pain (abandonment, neglect, rejection). Our ego created a strategy that gave us something to do about the issue instead of seeing our caregivers as unable to help us. It told us that we were the problem. It may have sounded like ‘you have to do more to be enough for them change’ or ‘you have to change to be more lovable so they will pay attention to you, etc.’ This strategy (it’s not you, it’s me) gave us some control over the situation. Unfortunately, this strategy can stay with us through adulthood as we find ourselves still playing out experiences based on these same strategies. We may find ourselves having too much to do (at work, in relationships) as a way to feel like we are doing enough, or trying to change something about ourselves (body, dress, face) to get the attention we want. We can break this old spell if we understand our ego’s motivation.
For me, my ego decided that I must be responsible for my mother’s experience since the only times I felt safe and OK was when she was feeling relaxed – which I was able to influence. I worked hard to anticipate what her experience might be in any given situation. If I could be ‘prepared’ for her reaction, then I could help her feel better. Then, I could stay safe and get what I needed.
As a young adult, I spent most of my time thinking about the future and anticipating what may happen to stay safe. This kept me out of the present moment where my true safety lived. I saw it happening in my relationship with my husband and I decided to stop being responsible for his experience. That meant not trying to make him feel better when he felt frustrated, sad, disappointed, or struggled to gain control by controlling the small stuff in his life. Instead, I focused on my experience in the moment., What did I need or want to feel safe and supported rather than expecting it to come from someone else. I’ve learned this makes more space in all of my relationships by allowing everyone else to just be where they are without me needing to fix or change anything.
I caught myself recently trying to keep my husband from having an uncomfortable experience in the kitchen. I took over doing the chore which would have resulted in me being late for a work call. In that moment, I realized it wasn’t my job to make him more comfortable and that he can handle his own experiences – even the uncomfortable ones. I didn’t have to protect him from being uncomfortable in order to protect myself from his negative emotions. I left him to do it, made my call on time, and it all worked out fine for us both.
Now, I pay attention to what I’m experiencing inside and out. Staying embodied in what I’m thinking, feeling, smelling, seeing, tasting, and anything else I’m consciously aware of that is happening with me. What’s happening inside of and around me is the experience that I’m responsible for – I’m the one in here, and I know what’s best for me! Only I know what feels right to me in each moment without needing to impinge on what is right for others. That is the place where I can truly be responsible for my own experience and allow others to do the same for themselves.
How can you be responsible for your own experience today?
Life dries up for some people. Their lives become full of dryness. Dryness of hope, future possibilities, and dryness of brains.This is what I felt reading the life story of Jean L. Serio in her chapter of the great and recently released book “Mission Hope”. The book has many other stories that are worthy, but this post focuses on the story shared by Jean titled “The Universe Doesn’t Always Accept Your Plan”, pages 149-155.
Jeans’ story is a great example of her struggle with many duties since she was a child. While other children were playing and enjoying life, Jean was taking care of her ailing sister and making sure to look after her. She endured this responsibility for years. When finally she managed to attend college, her studies and dreams fell through, as again she had to care for her maternal mother and grandfather.
There is no one way to describe the pain than of the one who suffered from it. Reading Jean’s descriptions of how much she had to cope with made me realize how my life was easy compared to hers. She accepted her duties and I found almost no complaints in her writing. She suffered but with admirable endurance.
That suffering eventually had some nice rewards for her. First, when she attended church and met a wise man who irrigated her dry hopes and revived them. After graduation, she met her old love from years ago. The surprise was that both got promotion offers to relocate to two places that were very close. That was convenient for both of them to meet and get closer to marry and lead a happy life together.
A great reward is the discovery that all the hardships Jean faced enhanced her resilience and awakening to the fact helped her exceed her responsibilities evidenced by her more than doubling her sales target at work. Jean’s experiences and studies helped qualify her in moving to human resources for which she was well suited. She was emotionally intelligent and understood people’s behaviors. Jean became an authority on human resources and managed with empathy and kindness.
The pains we suffer today are the hope of having a bright future. Never let your heart dry up. Read the book and you shall find many other inspiring stories.
Life is a testing ground. The book shows you that suffering can be a prelude to a meaningful life.
Are you happy? For a long time, I have considered that happiness relates to judgements about the circumstances of your life and decisions about whether these circumstances are or are not in accord with the way you want them to be. In this respect, if there is a gap between the way things are and the way you either want things to be, or think they should be, that difference represents a “happiness gap.” If you judge circumstances to be wonderful, the happiness gap is small, maybe even absent. If the circumstances are far from what you want, or desire, or expect, the gap is large, and provides justification for feeling unhappy.
In this simplification, the happiness gap can vary in severity depending upon a host of variables. When you feel tired, or emotionally drained, or dwell on toxic thoughts, the happiness gap often increases even though the basic circumstances of your life haven’t changed from yesterday when you might have been well-rested or in a better frame of mind.
Similarly, there are many short-term mediators that can narrow this gap. An unexpected compliment, a surprise call from an old friend, a good day at work are the sorts of things that might lead to momentary happiness. These don’t need to be external events. You might have an unexpected insight, or resolution to a problem that had you stumped, or see an old photograph that brings back a pleasant memory—any of these internal affairs can leave you feeling happier.
A recommended strategy to close this so-called happiness gap is to focus on the positives in your life. Yet, focusing on the positives doesn’t remove the negatives.
Another strategy is acceptance or surrender. The circumstances of your life are your reality. Failing to accept that reality doesn’t change it. At best, it can help to motivate you to make changes. There is good advice in the Prayer of Serenity, where we ask to accept the things that cannot be changed, for the courage to change the things that can be changed, and for the wisdom to know the difference. This last strategy is time-tested and makes sense, but only to a point. It still requires that you weigh out, make judgements about your life, and determine what you think should be changed. “Should” is a word that is all about judgement.
I think about happiness differently now. Words like wants, desires, needs, should be, shouldn’t be, ought, and ought not to be are a bit fuzzy. What works to satisfy a person’s needs, wants, desires often fluctuates from one day to the next. As a result, what should or shouldn’t be–this yardstick by which we are making judgements about our life circumstances–isn’t a very reliable way to measure happiness. If today you feel motivated to change something in your life but tomorrow you accept that “it is what it is,” until the following day when you judge that thing to be unacceptable, this entire notion of measuring some “happiness gap” is exposed as entirely unreliable.
How can a person find a more sustained happiness? How can a person experience limitless happiness, especially in light of recognizing that there are many injustices, and there is much suffering in the world we share?
Consider a different way of understanding happiness. I now think of happiness as much more fundamentally related to the core essence of my being. This is my spiritual center wherein my soul resides. It is a spiritual essence we all share. Whether you are fully or only partially aware of this soul-essence, whether you are fully or only partially aware of this true essence of your being, at any given moment in time, you are aligned with this part of yourself to a lesser or greater extent. Think about times in your life when you experience deep joy, not in the context of weighing the circumstances of your life, but in the context of experiencing and being in touch with your greater self. Perhaps you spontaneously did something to help a stranger. Perhaps you gazed lovingly at someone and felt their love. Perhaps a cat purred contentedly in your lap, or you watched children in the playground laughing and screaming in innocent, unbridled fun.
All of these are times when you are present to the moment. They are always associated with things like joy-filled wonder, gratitude, love, or a sense of peace. All of these are moments when your soul-essence shifts to soul-presence. All of these are associated with feeling happy.
Would it surprise you to learn that this happiness is available to you always? When you align with your spiritual center, when this becomes the operating system that guides your thoughts, feelings, decisions, conduct, behavior, and responses, you will experience sustained happiness. Love is transformative. Your operating system in the core essence of your being is powered by love. Even in the face of hardship, pain, suffering, cruelty, injustice, disappointments, etc., you can still feel happy. When you are confronted by these difficulties, ask yourself, how can I behave in a matter most consistent with my soul-essence? How can I bring this forward to soul-presence? How can I best reflect my higher self? Aligning yourself to this spiritual center will result in sustained happiness, even in the face of adversity, even in the face of difficult and undesirable circumstances.
In every sense, this is a choice to make. You can align with an operating system that often runs on fear, anger, unfairness, outrage, disappointment, and a host of ego-derived judgements about the circumstances in your life and the world at large that cause you to feel unhappy. The deep happiness that you feel when you are aligned with and operating from your spiritual center does not have a yardstick by which to measure that happiness. This happiness comes from living authentically guided by your higher self, the best version of yourself. Joy, peace, love, compassion, forgiveness, trust, and gratitude all flow when operating from this core, this soul-essence that abides within each and every one of us. And with this comes an unbelievable sense of freedom from constantly making judgements and comparisons. No one and no things will bring you limitless happiness; it already is within you. You just need to discover it, experience it, and live it every moment of every day.
A big issue with cancer can be: How does one navigate life when you or a loved one gets cancer? How does life move forward? How do family members deal with one of their members getting cancer? Undoubtedly, this can create a very difficult situation for everyone!
When someone gets cancer, it generally takes a team to help navigate the situation. Love is unquestionably important. Allowing a cancer patient to help navigate the journey is important as well. Greg Fobbs lost his brother, who he loved dearly, and was very close to while battling his own demons. This is is a story of triumph, in the end, and how this man survived and learned from this horrible experience.
Here are Greg’s links:
- https://zenbe.co/ https://zenbe.co/resumes
- https://zenbe.co/try https://zenbe.co/blog
- https://zenbe.co/pricing
- https://zenbe.co/codething
- https://www.linkedin.com/in/gregory-f…
Join us for this riveting interview!
When you touch minds, people are willing to walk a dozen miles for you; and when you touch hearts, people are willing to walk a thousand miles for you; but when you touch souls, people are willing to walk a million miles for you.
―Matshona Dhliwayo
Denmark is among the happiest countries in the world, according to the World Happiness Report. The Danes weather their lengthy, dark winters by gathering with friends to share a warm drink or a gracious meal. The word they use for the feelings associated with those moments is hygge (hoo-gah). Hygge helps them offset the impact of enjoying less sunlight than their counterparts at lower latitudes. By circling around a simple table with loved ones, their hearts are nourished.
“Nourishing hearts” is precisely what we witnessed over the course of our two days together in Tampa Bay, as we came together for Encounter 360°. Enjoy the “backstory” behind this signature gathering here: At Long Last: Close Encounters of the Best (Human) Kind.
Our Amazing SessionMasters
This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind…let it be something good.
Encountering each other on Day 1 (Foster Grants included)While at its core, our Encounter was a “netweaving” event, the foundation for it all was set by the extraordinary ConverSessions led by our esteemed SessionMasters, each bringing “unconventional” fresh and different perspectives to the audience, and each setting the tone for the beginning of a “new day”…
Tokens of appreciation presented to each of our SessionMasters; Melissa Hughes, Brooke Erol, Paul Haury, Temple Hayes, Heather Hansen-O’Neill, Phil Williams, Mac Bogert, Andy Vargo, Jackie Woodside, Eileen Bild, Trevor Bild, Allison Kenny, Mariah Edgington, Byron Edgington.Treasured MomentsEnjoy this special “captured in the moment” video montage courtesy of Melissa Hughes ︎
Global VoicesWe were determined to bring messages from around the world to this gathering, and each of our “Global Voices” delivered with eloquence, including Carolyn Lebanowski (Portugal), Mark Reid (Japan), Kimberly Davis (Costa Rica), Toni McLelland (UK), Minnku Buttar (India), Myriam Ben Salem (Tunisia), and Aneesa Theron (South Africa):
Chatty BusIn 2019, the Oxford Bus Company launched the instantly popular “Chatty Bus,” a bus with volunteers on board willing to talk with interested passengers. The route was initiated in response to UK government research which found that 30 percent of Britons go at least one day each week without a meaningful conversation. Four years later the Bus Company has learned that one in three people deliberately catch the bus to have some form of social interaction and two-thirds of bus passengers believe that the bus creates strong community ties.
Our two days together “in person” versus virtual, emerged as our version of a Chatty Bus, mixing, mingling, learning, laughing, and bonding, all strengthening our conscious 360° Nation community. We intentionally resisted the notion of a “hybrid” event, where people pay less by Zooming in. Because as wonderful as Zoom interactions can be, you simply can’t capture the magic of hugs and handshakes.
Ichigo IchieA special tile for everyone encountered …The actual phrase ‘Ichigo ichie’ was coined by a guy named Ii Naosuke, a Japanese tea master who lived from 1815-1860. The story goes that he was constantly threatened with assassination and so he made his tea each day as if it were his last. Every time he made it, he said the tea was unique and more beautiful than the time before. He knew that he would never have the chance to drink another tea exactly like the one he had just made, and so Ichigo ichie is a way to understand and embrace the impermanence of life. Needless to say, this idiom served as the backdrop for our time together, as we treasured every moment, recognizing that every moment, every gathering, and every encounter only happens once, and it will never be repeated in the same way again.
Picture Every MomentJust “chillin” in the Florida sunshine …We continue to gather random images and videos shared by those who gathered. Do take a moment to stroll through our ever-expanding Encounter 360° Album.
Legacy Closing
Staying true to our “unconventional” ethos, our event came to a close at the end of day two with some surprise fun in the sun courtesy of SessionMaster Allison Kenny ︎
Doing More Good WorksClick our Logo above for moreWe believe all nonprofits deserve access to the most brilliant minds in social impact. Yet much of this remarkable talent is needed in one place but resident in another. Years of corporate and nonprofit leadership experience tucked away around the world, poised to make a real impact, but out of reach to so many deserving nonprofits. How do we all come together to effectively close that never-ending passion–mission-affordability gap? We do it by “virtually” matching the need with the talent. We do it with free, virtual delivery. This was our ethos upon the launch of GoodWorks 360° circa 5 years ago. And just a few years later, we transformed our GoodWorks 360° venture into an actual registered nonprofit (GoodWorks 360° Foundation), poised to continue delivering pro bono services, but complemented by the ability to deliver qualified grants and targeted donations to nonprofits in need.
Emphasizing that our event was intentionally “for good” versus “for-profit”, our promise was to cover any loss, with any surplus donated through our Foundation to a worthy non-profit. We’ve been as judicious as possible with big-ticket items, keeping everything in-house versus pricey event planners, tech partners, etc. That said, we will now be presenting St. Francis Animal Rescue with our entire Event surplus of $2,703.53, –including direct cash donations from Kathleen (Kat) O’Keefe-Kanavos and Loree Dittrich. And thanks to the many Event food vouchers from Armature Works graciously handed back to us, coupled with excess vouchers, were able to obtain and deliver 40 hot meals to our homeless population across Tampa Bay. Finally, all of our audio-visual equipment will be donated to a local nonprofit so their voices can be heard at local fundraising events. We can’t thank you all enough for allowing us to simply “do more good” …
What’s Next for 360° Nation?While we’ve got a lot on our ideas whiteboard, we’ve decided to start by getting out in front of new tech, starting with ChatGPT and Open AI, as it’s coming whether we like it or not. We can run from it, we can stick our heads in the sand, we can throw stones at it, or we can get ahead of it. To help this along, Chip B. Chippendale has come aboard as our Special Contributor, introducing himself in a short video at our gathering (turn your volume up a bit):
Please connect with Chip on LinkedIn HERE, as his very first Article will be released soon!
Shared Humanity: If You Can Dream“If You Can Dream” was the last song he sang on Elvis, his December 1968 NBC comeback special/first live performance in 7 years. The song was written at the last minute by the show’s musical director to replace “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.” Because there were so many unfortunate dark events that year. He wrote it as a response to the assassinations of the famous dreamers Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King.
As we were exploring theme music for our gathering late last year, synchronicity prevailed as we came upon this particular song, the instrumental version of which, played in the background over our two days together. The lyrics are (unfortunately) timeless and they certainly capture the spirit of our quest to rediscover humanity. It’s about uniting, it’s about peace, freedom, and happiness.
There must be lights burning brighter somewhere
Got to be birds flying higher in a sky more blue
If I can dream of a better land
Where all my brothers walk hand in hand
Tell me why, oh why, oh why can’t my dream come true
There must be peace and understanding sometime
Strong winds of promise that will blow away the doubt and fear
If I can dream of a warmer sun
Where hope keeps shining on everyone
Tell me why, oh why, oh why won’t that sun appear
We’re lost in a cloud, With too much rain
We’re trapped in a world, That’s troubled with pain
But as long as a man, Has the strength to dream
He can redeem his soul and fly
Deep in my heart there’s a trembling question
Still I am sure that the answer, answer’s gonna come somehow
Out there in the dark, there’s a beckoning candle,
And while I can think, while I can walk, While I can stand, while I can talk
While I can dream, Oh, please let my dream Come true, Right now
The Best ShipsMy wife Ali and I have literally cruised around most of the world over many years, slowing down a bit during the pandemic, of course. But the one thing we’ve learned no matter where we’ve traveled is that there are steamships and cruise ships, small ships, and tall ships, but the best ships without a doubt are always friendships. Thank you all for your friendships – nourishing our hearts as we treasured every moment!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is.
~Albert Einstein
What is a Miracle?The dictionary defines a miracle as an extraordinary event manifesting divine intervention in human affairs. A miracle is some outstanding or unusual event, thing or accomplishment that the laws of nature cannot explain and is assumed to be an act of God or supernatural in origin. People see miracles in the survival of an incurable illness or an escape from some life-threatening situation, yet they don’t .attend to the miracles that are all around them.
The ‘new reality’ is that we—all of us—have the ability to create miracles and that their occurrence in our lives happens and can happen more frequently than we think. They happen through both natural and normal circumstances and can begin to take place more easily as we learn how to expect and anticipate them. We can encourage the arrival of miracles and recognize them daily.
Blind to Miracles:Why is it we have difficulty recognizing the existence of miracles in our life? It’s more about perception than vision. Your mind filters your reality which is necessary so you won’t be so bombarded by information that your mind can’t use or fathom. Our preconceived ideas of reality and hence the unlikely occurrence of miracles are what our minds accept. So if you don’t expect to see a miracle, it’s likely that you won’t. It’s as if your mind and your reality are cooperating together to bring to you what you believe and anticipate.
Quantum Physics & Miracles:Quantum Physics has astonished many non-believers with its findings about our reality and about matter. Once we thought that matter had some kind of permanency to it, but that’s been proven false. Instead, matter responds to our minds and our thoughts. The observer—you— has the ability to affect matter and change it.
Open to Miracles:How do you gain the necessary control to begin to create and witness the increasing number of miracles in your life? If you can learn to shift your focus to believe and be open to the occurrence of miracles, you’ll bring them into your realm. First, let’s recognize the miracles that we often tend to overlook that already exist: the amazing ability that your mind has to expand and be creative, your breath, birth, the miracle of your beating heart, and your miraculous body with its ability to heal, the profound miracle of love that can transform us and life. No longer is it acceptable to view yourself through the eyes of a victim. You have the ability to shift that belief and recognize your own measure of influence that’s very powerful and grows as you believe it to be so.
Are You Ready? Are you ready to embrace miracles? Begin by appreciating and treasuring the miracles that are already present that you easily dismissed. Decide now to live as though everything about you and life is a miracle.
Be as a child taking in each new experience or mundane experience with new eyes— new perception. When you do, you open to appreciation for all of you and all that you behold. Today you have a choice to view everything as a miracle and bask in the gratitude of it all.
Resilience is the ability to bounce back from difficult circumstances, and it is a necessary component of a well-adjusted life. If that’s something you struggle with, then it can be exhausting figuring out how to build your resilience up from scratch. Building resilience takes time, effort, and patience. It’s not something that happens overnight. But by incorporating these tips into your daily life, you’ll be on your way to becoming more resilient and better able to handle the challenges that come your way.
“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”
–Joseph Campbell
Learn How to Self-SootheChildren rely on the people around them to handle their emotions. Seeing a crying child run into the arms of their parents makes sense to us because we’ve seen that sort of scene play out countless times throughout our life. In order to be a reasonably collected adult, we have to know how to comfort the crying child within.
- Take care of your physical health. One of the simplest and most powerful ways to Self-Soothe is by performing your acts of daily living, such as brushing your teeth, eating three meals a day, and exercising regularly.
- Take care of your mental health. When we’re in the throes of emotional anguish, it isn’t easy to devise a mental health care plan on the spot. That’s why in order to address your own mental health, you need to have a toolkit.
- Follow your fiery passion. There’s a reason that tortured artists endure their torturous emotions. It’s because they are intensely passionate about their art. Find what you’re passionate about, and make room for it in your life. No matter how grim things might appear, your passion can be the light in the darkness.
Cultivate A Positive MindsetHaving a sense of optimism can be a powerful coping tool. But optimism doesn’t come from anywhere. In order to interpret the world around you charitably, it becomes almost necessary to cultivate a positive mindset.
- Practice gratitude. Regularly speak, write, and think about what you’re grateful for. Don’t take the good in your life for granted.
- Reframe your negative thoughts. Recognize your unhelpful thoughts, and try to replace them with a more charitable interpretation of the situation. Don’t let the gloom in your life become a wallowing sort of place.
- Surround yourself with support. Reach out to your loved ones for help. Help them understand what you’re going through, and how you’d like to be supported.
Be Open To ChangeThe truth is, the biggest obstacle in the way of our personal growth is ourselves. You are the only person who can make meaningful changes in your adult life. But that means being open to new experiences and embracing your opportunities to learn and grow.
- Don’t beat yourself up. Often when we make an error, we engage in negative self-talk like calling ourselves insults so that we “learn the lesson”, but this negative self-talk doesn’t really help us grow. If we focus on how we could be better instead of where we’ve failed, we’re more motivated to make a change.
- Be flexible. An excellent way to be resilient is through adapting to your environment. You might be the only thing in your life that is fully within your control, but that’s quite a lot of control if you think about it.
- Try new things. Having a routine is great. Many of the tips within this very article boil down to just the pure value of having a solid routine. But staying forever within those routines can be a mind-numbing resilience killer. Put yourself out there, and experience the novelty of doing something different.
What do you see when you observe toddlers play with toys or friends? I see pure flow, excitement, curiosity, and 100% presence. That is the definition of joy to me. And growing up, along the way, we lose the continuity of this nurturing, safe, and fascinating feeling of joy. It comes and goes. For some reason, at some point, in our day or week, we catch it from its tail and feel privileged to experience it. Sometimes we get to savor it, and sometimes we do not even acknowledge it while running from one shiny distraction to another.
And that is why when we, as adults, stumble upon an opportunity to cultivate and experience joy continuously, for hours, even days, we feel like happy toddlers.
I just had the pleasure of attending the #encounter360 event in Tampa Bay, FL, which took me back to that infinite joy of being a toddler. For two days, I get to BE and FEEL joy. During those two days, I caught myself saying twice that I felt like a child. When I reflected on that, I saw why I felt that way.
Environments where you can express yourself freely and authentically, where the only energy you receive from others is love, compassion, friendship, and support, make you feel safe. And when you feel safe, you express yourself even free-er, just like a beautiful vicious circle – a positive one for a change – that grows and grows. That takes you right to the happiness you had in your heart when you were born.
Then you get to experience,
- Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Endorphin go off the chart – as Melissa Hughes, Ph.D. shared,
- A common purpose of being – as Ozlem Brooke Erol championed,
- The dissolving of fear and imposter syndrome – as Phillip T. Williams, M.S. HRD expressed,
- A tangible version of great transformation – as Heather Hansen O’Neill described,
- The chance to unleash your innate divinity – as Allison Kenny demonstrated,
- Expansion of collective consciousness – as Jackie Woodside, CPC, MSW explained,
- A declaration of interdependence using your voice – as Mac Bogert pointed out,
- Beautiful energy that starts growing – as Temple Hayes mentioned,
- What happens when you feel you belong – as Paul Haury inquired,
- Ralph Waldo Emerson’s words: “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” – as Mariah Edgington and Byron Edgington quoted,
- The meaning of owning your awkwardness – as Andy Vargo beautifully articulated,
- How and why we want to be seen, heard, valued, and understood – as Eileen Bild and Trevor Bild presented,
- The sheer happiness of knowing from start to end that you are at a Netweaving Event and not a Networking Event. – as Dennis Pitocco shared.
An encounter that brings everyone closer to each other, where gender, religion, political opinions, status, background, age, cultural differences, and nationality disappear, leaving behind joy, energy, consciousness, loving-kindness, and deep connection.
You find yourself carrying a heart filled with infinite and unconditional love, overwhelmed by the sheer beauty of humanness, and that there is still so much hope for a bright future for humanity.
And you feel the utmost gratitude for being alive and teleported right back to where you were a joyful, creative, curious, courageous, and authentic toddler.
Positivity is a word that has come to the fore, not only projecting a can-do attitude but ‘infecting’ others with opportunities and confidence they never realised they could accomplish.
Positivity is a meaningful word, much used in articles, but I am merely presenting my belief in the hidden energy that is within us and how to illuminate a darkened space in our consciousness and subliminally hidden energy.
Being positive when everything seems to go wrong, is challenging, to say the least.
The more doubt entering the mind and heart makes optimism and positivity almost alien ideals.
To be honest, not every individual would be inwardly visited by such positive thoughts resulting in action.
However, negativity and being void of optimism can extend to a low level of as if slowly descending into a pit of darkness.
AND NOW SOME POSITIVITY!Find a location of calmness away from the everyday stresses of depression and lack of confidence you are experiencing.
Positivity is best created when it is derived from your own heart, rather than relying on other individuals, however genuine they be.
Positivity is self-driven. Positivity comes from the heart. Identify the tiniest element of your life; focus on it. Reveal to yourself what is so good about it; dwell on it and find a link to another positive element. Gradually positivity will potentially advance. And don’t dwell on the past. Be forward-thinking.
You have achieved positivity.
Any negative thoughts or elements that visit will be dealt with optimistically as you have proved possible.
Positivity and optimism are infectious, projecting energy and empathy. You’ll make a difference as you are the difference.
A Beacon of Positivity
About 30 years ago I studied with a Buddhist monk who taught walking meditation.First thing I should make clear, I’m not a Buddhist. I’ve studied with Buddhists, Christians, Daoists, Zoroastrians, Byzantines, Russian Orthodox, Jewish and Hebrew, Systema, MicMac, Paiute, Mohawk, Tlinglet, Sami, … I’ve studied with these folks, and many others because I was taught and taught and retaught “to know any one thing you must know everything.”
This post is about one gentle, diminutive fellow with an amazing soul and what he taught me.
This teacher and I were walking down a suburban sidewalk in Watertown, MA along Rt 20 towards 128. He had his hands folded behind him, occasionally they’d swing free then return and clasp behind him. His eyes focused on the ground 3-5 feet in front of him. He moved effortlessly. If he did tire, I never knew it. He was in his 60s, I was in my early-mid 30s, and he could have walked me into the ground with plenty to spare. We walked and walked, under elm, oak, and pine that lined the streets, and along browning grasses due to a waterban that prohibited people from watering their lawns. We walked what seemed a marathon of walking, and something I was unprepared for under a hot August sun.
He smiled all the time, asking me questions and questioning my answers. He made me think and think and rethink about things I took for granted, things I thought I understood, things I did and didn’t care about.
And all the time we walked.
We were going up a hill, the heat and humidity were crushing my chest. My shirt and chinos stuck to me making the simplest motions difficult. He wasn’t experiencing any of this. I assumed it was because he was from southeast Asia and use to such weather.
He didn’t stop walking, he didn’t slow. He said, “You walk too hard.”
“I walk too hard?” I sputtered.
“Yes. Walk easier.”
“Walk easier?”
“Watch how I walk.”
Watch how he walked. I suppose that’s a normal enough thing for people studying kinesiology, body movement, athletes and athletics, actors, mimes. I had long watched people and realized I’d never actually watched people walk. I mean walking is walking is walking.
“Watch how I walk.”
Okay. I focused on how he was walking, not the fact that he was walking.
His steps were determined. Focused. Intentional. He was more than walking. Or the walking wasn’t something he was doing alone. It was a shared experience. His walking was something he shared with the earth.
He walked softly. I mean literally softly. His feet reached out to meet the earth. His walking was a greeting to whatever came along his path.
He did swing his arms, not often, but he did. And sometimes it seemed like he was reaching out for something, touching something. Or acknowledging something.
Or welcoming something.
Occasionally he did look further ahead. As if checking something in the distance.
And when he changed direction, which wasn’t often, he “lowed” first, kind of like cattle in a field moving their heads back and forth to find the sweetest grass. Before he changed direction he lowed as if looking for something, and finding it, set off in that new direction.
“Tell me how I walk.”
I shared what I’d noticed.
“Very good. You’ve told me about me. That is half the story. Now tell me about who I walk with.”
“Me?”
His head rocked back and he laughed. “Yes, you. Who else?”
I looked around, a typical BDWG (Big Dumb White Guy).
“Who am I meeting, what am I greeting? Who am I touching? What am I acknowledging?
“Who am I welcoming?”
Who was he welcoming?
“Look at my path and tell me what you see.”
Have you ever heard the expression, “Watch where you’re going”? He did that. He watched where he went and he explained to me why he did so.
“The earth and all that is in it, all that is on it, all that is above it and around it, is riddled with energies. Sometimes these energies create paths.”
“Ley lines?”
He wasn’t sure as he didn’t know enough about ley lines to say yes or no. The energy lines he was describing go and flow everywhere. “Animals in the forests make paths that follow the old ways of the earth. But these aren’t just hidden in forests. People use to see them and follow them, too. We still can, if we watch where we’re walking. Look at the shapes on the earth, how nature raises things here and lowers things there, where the streams and rivers run, how the mountains rise and the deserts and oceans flow and you’ll see where the earth’s sharing her energy. It just takes a willingness to look, acknowledge, understand, accept, …”
I frowned. They were there. Obviously so. I never noticed before.
“Follow these paths when you walk and the earth shares her energy with you. You won’t tire. Stay on these paths and you’ll find peace with all that’s around you.” At which point he jumped up and clicked his heels. Not easy to do in sandals. I would have thought him a leprechaun if it weren’t for the dark brown of his skin, slant of his eyes and shaven head. “See?”
He smiled as he held his hand out to me. “Take it. Learn to walk the path with me. Don’t be afraid. The earth is waiting.”
My next step changed my life. There is much more to the Walking Meditation than is discussed here. That’s perhaps for another post.
Teaching the Walking Meditation is now part of my Practice and I share it with others.
Now it’s your turn.
Take my hand. Come walk with me.
Last week I shared about living in the state of a spa day, and then this week has perfectly provided the opportunity to show the permanence of that state — including in the experience of feeling like a failure. Over the course of the week, I’ve been asked the question — is that really how it is? Is life really lovely like that all the time? Underlying which there is a hint of — I don’t believe you.
Quite rightly ‘I don’t believe you’ because we know in our hearts that it’s unnatural to float through life, absent of any emotion to what’s going on.
So this week I’m bringing an important distinction and nuance to the experience of ‘living in the state of a spa day’. The distinction between a background knowing, and a foreground experience.
This last week has been one of my toughest for a long time. It began in earnest on Monday when I meditated and saw my deepest fear. It’s expressed as a statement of fact, as though there is no doubt in it whatsoever: ‘there is something fundamentally wrong with you’.
This began a couple of weeks ago when at that point it was expressed as ‘I am not good enough — I am getting it wrong’. I thought that was the core of it, but it seems like this week’s has been that: ‘there is something fundamentally wrong with you’. I saw how these ‘statements of fact’ were overlaid with slightly flimsier thoughts: ‘Am I good enough? Am I doing it right?’ Almost as though the mind was scrambling in desperation to find evidence to counter these seeming ‘facts’.
And I saw again how my life has been one of busy and doing and getting it right (you might remember I mentioned that in last week’s post too). All in order to try and hide from, or run away from, or find the counter-evidence to these scary thoughts. An attempt to ‘do enough’ in order to prove the thoughts wrong, in order to fill the chasm between being wrong and being right, between not being good enough and being enough.
It makes alot of logical sense for this behaviour to happen, when we think we have to, and have been taught to, find enough-ness outside of ourselves. But when we begin to glimpse that enough-ness (the spa day state) is our nature already, the system begins to slow down and, what looked like logic, starts to be seen as futile.
In the relaxation into this, as our permanent, background-knowing becomes the spa-day-state of enough-ness, the foreground psychological patterns are more easily revealed, allowing the layers to evaporate and evaporate and evaporate as they’re seen and seen and seen. But as the foreground evaporation and seeing happens, it doesn’t always feel like the beautiful, calm feelings of the spa day. If anything, you’re opened to feel more. You’re invited to come out of limitation and back into fullness. The veils of denial and avoidance fall and fall, inviting you to look, and look. Look at how it really is. Look at what you’ve been running from.
And all of it made possible because of living in the state of a spa day.That state — ever-present as my sure-footed ground of being — gives me the solidity and stability to hold these experiences that have looked too much or too big or too ugly or too shameful before now.
It gives me the capacity to look my deepest fear right in the eye. To see that it’s just some words that have been taken as saying something about me. To see that all I find when I look for the ‘me’ is an open, expansive, untouched space of OK-ness. To feel the feelings that accompany that fear that have wanted to come out and move and stretch their legs for ages! But which have been kept shut in a cupboard marked ‘too dangerous’.
To feel the feelings and not immediately jump into dismissal, or avoidance, or covering-over strategies ‘La la la! Nothing to see here! It’s all good!’ — has been the standard strategy in the years till now.
But the game is up. The endless chase must stop. And the only way forward is to turn around and look, instead of run.
Background vs ForegroundWhat this means is that this last week has had the spa day state as my background. It never leaves. It doesn’t go. It doesn’t change. But the foreground experience — boy has that changed. Frequently. It included all the ups and downs. And it has demonstrated beyond doubt that my experience is created as a result of what’s happening within me. Like large, rolling waves, I’ve been going from the depths of fear up to the heights of beauty.
These are all feelings that have — for most of my life — been kept at arm’s length. Because to let them in might prove the fears true. I really am wrong. I really am not good enough.
Now there’s this openness to them being felt.
And so I’ve been going from the depths of it feels bad, I feel bad, things look bad, ‘you’re wrong’. Seeming evidence of this popping up everywhere. Clients going, contracts ending, feeling let down, feedback telling me I’m getting it wrong. Sadness, disappointment, shame, feelings of failure and dejectedness. The world created perfectly in alignment with what was happening within me in that moment.
Then up into the heights: it feels seamless and easy. I feel fulfilled, open, and free. Beautiful, spontaneous, unsolicited feedback and gratitude given to me and received more deeply than ever before. Appearing left, right, and centre for no apparent reason. The world created perfectly in alignment with what was happening within me in that moment.
Then down into a dip again. And me and the world showing up as bad again. Unable to be looked away from. Unable to be distracted from. Like my head held steady to see it all. My body held steady to feel it all. No excuses. No avoiding. No covering it over with more doing or action to make it look like everything’s OK.
Up and down. My experience in the world oscillating in parallel with the inner.
And now, gradually reducing and reducing in height over the last day. Not because I’ve tried to reduce it. It’s just what waves do. And being in the waves, allowing them to carry me, it feels like I’m now getting closer to the shore. The waves are diminishing.
And the background spa-day-state has remained throughout.
It doesn’t go. It doesn’t leave.
And so this is where living in the state of a spa day is incredibly powerful.As you can see from what I’ve shared here, living as this state doesn’t remove all the ups and downs of experience. It doesn’t take away all the challenges. It doesn’t lead to a neutrality with life. You’re not floating along saying ‘om’ and feeling equanimous about all that you see and experience.
What it does instead is provide you with the strong foundation in the background, within which you can then feel and experience all of the foreground. Ideas you’ve had that you have to run away from half of your experience can fall away, and you therefore no longer need to exhaust yourself or impact your relationships in the process.
Then, in moving through it, the imagined limits and dangers can never quite look the same again. I’ve obviously not tested that theory yet with this current experience, but I’ve seen it many times before.
Once you’ve seen the coiled rope is a rope, not a snake, you stop feeling scared of it.
And the veil of that fear falls away.
Revealing a clearer view and a deeper sense of the state of a spa day.
That for which we all long.
That which you already are.
With love, Helen
It’s Spring! Time for planting seeds that will be nourished and flourish toward the sky!
This includes both kinds of seeds … physical and spiritual.
Did you know there were two kinds?
The spiritual seed is an idea … thought energy, that flows from that energetic form, to … and through form (that’s you and me) and into a different form, matter, holding the thing you wanted in your hand.
Imagine that all ideas are already here in constant circulation.
Ideas are not stored in our mind or brain; they are gifts; offerings from the universe via the ether, with which we cocreate our lives.
The acorn is the seed of the oak tree. It is dying as it lies on the ground … until and unless it is planted.
- Were we to slice open the acorn and examine it under a microscope, nowhere would we see any semblance of an oak tree.
- Rather what is contained therein is the DNA required to attract whatever is required for the seed to root and then sprout up toward the sky.
The spiritual seed is the same, save one thing. We can predict when the oak tree will burst through the soil because of experience, climate, and conditions over time.
- The change from thought energy into physical form is determined by universal law and determines every manifestation. All we can do is plant, nurture and observe, as we do with the physical seed.
- A spiritual seed also must have its own DNA to attract to us what is required for us to have the thing we want.
- When we get an idea, there are no roots; simply thought energy; the idea.
- A seed without root is delicate and must be tended to every day.
- The tending is seeing in our mind’s eye life with our already having what we want.
- This causes us to feel happy with an associated positive overall vibration which IS the DNA required to draw the result to us.
- Tending daily quickly fills the idea with the DNA required for manifestation into physical form.
While we can’t always know the precise day of manifestation, we can tell by the signs that we are getting close to having what we set out to achieve.
The acorn’s journey is in one place; the idea’s journey into manifestation moves from expectation, then to a firm opinion it will manifest, and then, when unexpected contributions start to show up by way of opportunities of people, we are on the brink of faith, knowing that the idea will manifest.
It’s moving the conscious idea to the subconscious via repetition, where it lives like the truth.
Steps to planting a spiritual seed gathering the DNA required along the way for manifestation:
- Pick something you want very much and that you’ve not done before.
- Make sure it has a positive impact on others; your why.
- Picture yourself already holding or enjoying it from day one.
- Over several months (a plumb time for manifestation to occur), take action each day to remind you of why you want this to manifest. What difference will it make for others?
- Only take on a new activity IF it furthers the idea into physical form during the ‘gestation’ of your idea into form.
- Keep the idea to yourself until you are sure it is going to manifest. Sure? People and opportunities seem to pop up in your world, like ‘magic.’
- They aren’t coincidences. They are the result of the way you feel about already having achieved what you want. Your cellular vibration.
- Now the DNA is built, developing the roots required to blab it to the world, if you want.
- It’s a done deal. You have perfect Faith that you ‘will’ hold it in your hand.
We manifest all our lives. The power is distinguishing what we did to achieve previously and repeating the process to influence results in our favor. It is this consistent, repetitive process that has us move from ‘haphazard or sporadic results’ to consistent, predictable ones
What did my journey bring me? How am I leading my life? I wonder and check in with myself quite often.
Do you? Because….
The universe is asking… Show me your new vibration, I will show you miracles!
There is no way we can Fake it!
Firstly, our Universe’s higher energies are integrating within our consciousness like never before, and as part of humanity’s collective consciousness, zeroing into what/who uplifts your energy, what/who zaps it, and cutting out all that is toxic (people, thoughts, habits), becomes our personal responsibility. Only when our frequencies vibrate on a higher energy, can we become contributors to planet earth. So, I have consciously become a witness to experience the “eternal dance” and reality of the mind’s consciousness, perception, sensation, and my own reactions to all stimuli around me.
Secondly, we must truly heal, at the cellular level, and that will mean re-opening of old wounds, burn old illusions, and a courageous confrontation with our pain, for in that darkness you will encounter your wounded inner child. And if you were raised with only conditional love – meaning you had to meet certain conditions and criteria in order to be loved, cherished or valued – then that is how you’re fulfilling and showing up in your adult life too. “Cutting Ties” with my wounds, and lingering traumas (as taught by my mentor, Phyllis Krystal), connected me with the here and now, brought me closures to conflicts, confusions, antagonisms, and attachments to the idea of being “hurt”. It brought me closures to conflicts, confusions, antagonisms, and attachments to those ideations. After so many years, irrespective of my brokenness I was falling in love with myself, knowing fully that I will never allow anyone to ever dull my sparkle again.
Thirdly, I have forgiven all who contributed to my “injured-ness” over the years. Resentment, grudges, unjustified judgments, and anger, traps your life energy, limits you, and makes moving forward difficult – like trying to ride a bicycle with the brakes partly on all the time. As I often say, “If you don’t deal with past hurt & traumas, they will deal with you!” So, why carry baggage? Be selfish and drop them. Reserve your time, intensity, and spirit exclusively for those who reflect sincerity. I want my garb to be strength and dignity; Can you see it? Feel it?
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
Fourthly, developing a “grateful disposition” has not only been a social glue fortifying my relationships, but has inculcated optimism, joy, and a humility and surrendering to what will be, will be. Fearlessly, and curiously, I am exploring this new-founded oneness and harmony I feel with others. Like all of us, I am living on borrowed time, light wanting to merge with light. So, I want to exist with an intimate, restful, yet curious connection with the world. I am willing to allow life to unfold at its own pace.
Fifthly, the key to the paradox is within us all. It’s called “unconditional Love”. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. I have been waiting for a new dawn and Tribe, till I saw, “A Gathering of the Tribe”, (a powerful short film by Charles Eisenstein w/Jon Hopkins & Aubrey Marcus), and I know that, the longing in my heart is an intuitive knowledge that even though loneliness, betrayal, drudgery, anxiety, the pain of separation, and degradation seems normal right now, we will witness the burst of the miraculous flame from the inextinguishable spark that lies in all of us, we will find our Tribe again. For now, I allow the veil from my eyes to be torn, wipe the mirror of my mind clean, and the doors of perception to stay open.
“You are That already” ~ wise sage Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj.
What if this, right here, right now – this one eternal present moment – is it? What if life will always be a mix of positive and negative, pain and pleasure, success and failure, enlightenment and delusion, nirvana and samsara? What if there is no beginning and no end? And what if there is space Here/Now for all of it to be just as it is?
What if Joy is a sustained experience in this “now”?
What a Relief?
The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. And I thought…What if our society has forgotten this gift?
~Einstein.
(The above are excerpts from my Anthology: “MISSION HOPE – Thriving through seasons of the Soul”, written with 17 other Authors. I am Chapter 17. In Chinese Mythology, No.8’s (1+7=8) always experience a spiritual awakening and progression in life, and during challenging periods of life, the help and guidance of your angels will be there for them, leading to wisdom to discern, personal empowerment. In 2023, it’s predicted that I will enter a new phase of my journey, involving meeting new people/ changing your lifestyle or habits in some significant way.)
Bring it on!
If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more you are a leader.
~John Quincy Adams
Inspiration is the ability to light a fire in someone’s belly, someone’s mind, and heart so that they too run with it into the light of day. When we inspire others, our words, deeds, philosophies, and more have influence and power. They often contribute to another’s work, cause, incentive, and momentum to act. It’s a moment or moments when we’re filled with an emotional burst that activates our senses, our minds, and our hearts triggered by something or someone.
When that spark inside is lit, it often helps us to become better people, more self-aware, more resilient, and more expansive with a keen desire to spread the information, awareness, or healing.
Inspiration from Source, inner guidance, angelic communication, or the Divine is considered a ‘sacred revelation.’ I feel blessed that I often awaken with sentences, ideas, and guidance that I consider gems from Source. I find it important to follow the thread to find out where it takes me, and I’ve never been disappointed. Something happens; words, phrases, images, and ideas pour out that are often the activation of a body of work that develops and ripens as I nurture it over days, weeks, and even years.
Those moments hold something almost magical, spiritual, compelling, and captivating in their appeal and their hold on us. When inspiration takes hold, time is altered, our senses are heightened, and the world around us momentarily seems to slip away. We’re given an opportunity to peer into places we may never have visited, and feel driven to follow wherever they lead.
Yet, how do we inspire others to action? One of the main ingredients is trust. People need to know that your intent isn’t just about you or ego-driven. Instead, it’s sincere and generated from a desire to impart information, and serve others or a greater good in some way. Keep your word and adhere to your standards; you are an example for others.
Passion and Belief in your mission are important. However, act without being too over-zealous so you don’t appear to be a loose cannon. You desire to draw other people into the excitement and to your cause so they’re on board with it and you.
Your Mission needs to be grounded in Purposeful Direction and Action, backed by expertise, clarity, and knowledge so people can easily follow. Having a strong vision that’s outlined and well-articulated also helps them understand and motivates them.
You’re open to suggestions and ideas from others that lift the mission higher and further ahead. Listen Actively with Encouragement. This gives others the freedom and incentive to vocalize, share, create, innovate, and spread the mission.
Dream big, reach high, be principled, and lead with confidence and compassion. Help others and always acknowledge their contribution, whether large or small.
Appreciation goes a long way in instilling their self-assurance and earning their trust and loyalty.
It’s okay to be vulnerable: share your story, your achievements, and even your failures. Vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. It encourages others to act and feel hopeful, empowered, and validated. Not only does it share our humanness, it touches people’s hearts and rallies them together.
Dearest hearts, as social beings who benefit from being in relationships with each other looking for a partner is a normal outgrowth of daily life. However, looking for someone to be what you feel you’re not cannot lead to a beneficial partnership. When you search for others to make yourself worthy, you’re asking for others who are stronger to shore up your weaknesses. This way of partnering may lead you into abusive relationships, therefore, we advise that before you look outward you do the inner work of releasing your own limiting beliefs about yourself.
Every thought and action that’s self-condemning draws you further from your ideal state of Divine alignment. With each passing moment that you spend away from your place of alignment, you cause yourself unnecessary hardship
Once you’ve created a self-loving relationship that honors all that you are rather than a self-hating one that tries to diminish who you are, you’ll be able to call forth a partner who will complement rather than compete with you. Therefore, it’s necessary to first understand how to honor yourself. Honoring all that you are doesn’t mean giving yourself a free pass when it comes to those ways in which you’re actively involved in self-sabotage. Every thought and action that’s self-condemning draws you further from your ideal state of Divine alignment. With each passing moment that you spend away from your place of alignment, you cause yourself unnecessary hardship. Therefore, before you begin to identify and attract your perfect partner, it’s important to be in alignment with your Divine self and your highest good.
This is a partnership, not an opportunity to enslave another person for your personal gain. Any imbalance of power in the relationship should feel disquieting and not a source of ego gratification
Once you’ve cleared away the limiting thoughts, beliefs, behaviors, and patterns you’ll be successfully able to do the work of finding the perfect partner. But just as finding your own Divine alignment was paramount to your well-being so is being in alignment with the idea of your partner as a complement and not as a source of competition. The perfect partner will be your match in some areas, your opposite in others, strong in ways you are not, and in need of support in areas in which you excel. Your perfect partner will not be dependent upon you or be unable to continue if the relationship fails. This is a partnership, not an opportunity to enslave another person for your personal gain. Any imbalance of power in the relationship should feel disquieting and not be a source of ego gratification. When you seek a relationship to dominate or be dominated you’re not in a healthy relationship.
It’s understandable that you’d crave a relationship when you’re lonely but if you don’t first cultivate a relationship with yourself you’ll find yourself feeling even more lonely within a relationship than you did without one
Therefore, let’s look at the elements of a healthy relationship, which is a relationship formed by two partners of equal value. Just as two wrongs cannot make a right, two weak individuals cannot create a strong relationship. We advise that you first do the work of clearing and healing your energetic space of past baggage so you can be strong and then seek a partner of equal strength. If you try to find your perfect partner when you’re lonely, lost, or confused you’ll most likely find yourself drawn to others that are experiencing those same conditions. Another person who is lonely will feel comforting and familiar but your relationship with them will reflect the loneliness you both feel. You’ll end up looking at what’s wrong with yourself instead of what’s right. It’s understandable that you’d crave a relationship when you’re lonely but if you don’t first cultivate a relationship with yourself you’ll find yourself feeling even more lonely within a relationship than you did without one.
Allow yourself to be motivated to become even more by honoring yourself. When you acknowledge all that you are, you’ll automatically encourage yourself to expand even further
This means that you must discover who you are. However don’t begin the discovery process with criticism, instead, begin with love and acceptance. What do you possess as a characteristic that you find valuable? It can be anything that you like about yourself. Things like intelligence, honesty, integrity, loyalty, kindness, compassion, humor, temperament, and interests are examples of things to consider.
Once you know who you are and what you have to offer don’t spend time looking at the ways in which you’re lacking. Instead, take all of your strengths and celebrate all that you are.
Be inspired by the many wonderful qualities you hold. Allow yourself to be motivated to become even more by honoring yourself. When you acknowledge all that you are, you’ll automatically encourage yourself to expand even further. Growth will become a pleasant pursuit instead of a dreaded punishment.
This information, not your actions or words, will work its way out into the universal energetic field occupied by all and it will in turn draw to you other people who are celebrating their own strengths
Once you’re aware of and showcasing your strengths in your daily life, you’ll be filling your energetic field with positive information about yourself. This information, not your actions or words, will work its way out into the universal energetic field occupied by all and it will in turn draw to you other people who are celebrating their own strengths. When two positive people align they have the ability to form a perfect partnership. Two strong people can operate independently. Two positive people want to build each other up. Two empowered people want to join together for good.
Once you see and celebrate all that you are, you’ll create a powerful, positive, loving, and magnetic attraction force field around yourself
There’s nothing wrong with being single but if you’re looking for the perfect partnership you won’t find it until you commit to loving and accepting yourself. Once you see and celebrate all that you are, you’ll create a powerful, positive, loving, and magnetic attraction force field around yourself. When you’re sending love into the universe, love will be returned to you and you’ll find your perfect partner with ease.
One of the people I’m working with needed some help sensing the energies around him. I suggested “The Solitaire Meditation”.
It’s straightforward. Play solitaire and win.
Simple, correct?
Well, there are some hitches. Aren’t there in everything? For one, we define a win as knowing, before you start to play, whether you’ll win or lose. Did you believe you’d win and you did win? Then you score +1. Did you believe you’d lose and you lost? Then you score +1. Did you believe you’d win and you lost? Score 0. Thought you’d lose and you won? 0.
Do you recognize what we’re doing? Does it make sense? It’s not about winning or losing, it’s about knowing what will happen before it happens.
Granted, this precognitive training is only a few minutes into the future.
A few minutes into the future? Meh.
Months back a friend asked how I start my day. I shared I play four different games of solitaire each morning, one hand each usually. I’m not interested in winning each game, I’m interested in how winning or losing each game affects me.
My goal is to stay centered, not let winning or losing pull me off balance, fill me with pride, or crush my ego. I can tell by how I’m playing if I’m starting my day off-balance unawares. When I am and when I recognize it, I center, I focus, I slow, and lower my breathing. I shuffle the cards and play again. Sometimes I’ll be playing different kinds of solitaire for 15-20m before I’m centered enough I win every game.
But wait a second…didn’t I write above that it’s not about winning?
That’s right, it’s not, and I’ll get back to that in a second.
Train yourself to understand the future will happen no matter what you do about it – even if it means losing at something, even if it’s not what you want or things do go as you hoped – and you learn to accept whatever the future has in store for you. You don’t have to like it and if you can know what’s coming before it comes you can better prepare yourself for it.
That part, that understand-accept-prepare part, has to do with getting rid of your ego. Ego in the sense of “I’m somebody and I can do something about it.”
Lots of times you can and lots of times you can’t. And sometimes letting go of your ego is a real pain in the ass.
It can also bring you an amazing amount of peace, surety, and confidence. If you know what’s going to happen, even if you don’t like it, at least you’re better prepared for it and you can meet whatever it is with lots more confidence than if you didn’t know what was coming at you and got blindsided by it.
After you master winning or losing a few minutes into the future, push it further and further into the future. Time is a distance, like any other. Somebody somewhere convinced you that you could look down a street to an intersection but you couldn’t look down a street to what happened five minutes ago or will happen five minutes from now.
But isn’t that knowing if you’ll win or lose at solitaire before you pick up the cards? You can know what’s going to happen with the cards in five minutes but not down the street in five minutes? If you train to do one, you’ll be able to do the other.
Years ago I wrote about playing Russian Bank, a two-handed solitaire game, with Susan (wife/partner/Princess) and knowing who’d win just by the initial lay of the cards:
Susan (wife, partner, beloved, Princess, …) and I play a card game called Russian Bank, a two-deck solitaire. Each player puts four cards from their deck on the table face up to start the game and I can predict who’ll win (accuracy well over 90%) simply by seeing how the cards are laid out at the start. This accuracy climbs as the game is played, and I’m usually able to pick the exact point where the outcome is finalized and why. …
(if you have a real need, ask me and I’ll explain how it’s done)
Let’s focus a bit on that “knowing” part. Let’s chunk it down. How about instead of knowing whether you’ll win or lose, let’s focus on knowing which card should be played where.
I mean, if you can know whether or not you’ll win or lose, and that’s a few minutes out, it should be much simpler to know if the card you’re about to play should be played the way you’re going to play it.
Heck, we’re going from minutes to seconds. Probably less.
Now, if you’re really paying attention, you should pick up that if you know you’re going to win the game anyway, it shouldn’t matter which card you play when because you’re still going to win.
Absolutely, completely, uninterminably correct.
Maybe.
What if you don’t want to teach yourself to sense whether you’ll win or lose? What if you want to teach yourself to sense the energy of each card?
And not for the sake of being correct – remember, lots of this stuff is to get ego out of the way – but for the sake of knowing how to know.
Think about that. Knowing how to know.
If you can teach yourself to sense which card should be played, you can teach yourself to know which foods to eat, which cars to buy, which people to ask out on a date, which jobs to go after, … Hot dang but the list is endless.
And much of that involves teaching yourself to be patient (and if you don’t think being patient is a test of ego… The number of people who are impatient with themselves is staggering).
And think about this for a second. If you can’t be patient with your own learning – because that’s what this is, your own learning – why should you expect others to be patient with you when you’re learning. Now push it out one step further; If you’re not patient with yourself, can you truly be patient with others when they’re learning?
So, as Susan often shares, learn patience with yourself so you can be patient with others. As one of my teachers taught me, learn to listen. To be aware. To care. To pay attention.
To yourself first and you’ll be shocked how self-compassion becomes compassion for others.
As I explained to one of the people I study with, once you get your ego out of the way, a whole new world opens up to you.
And just so you’ll know, statistics and probabilities don’t account for such things as we’re discussing here except as outlyers. These are the things that get thrown out of research studies because they don’t fit the curves or “the norm”.
Remember what you learned about the difference between probable and possible? Probable means (for example) “Out of 100 attempts, it’s happened 80 times therefore if you do it 100 times you’ll probably succeed 80% of the time.” Possible means “We don’t know of anybody else who can do it but you can do it therefore it must be possible even if we don’t know how you did it.”
The real moral of this piece is Be Limitless. Some time some where somebody imposed limits on you, on what you could do, what you could be, what you could know, what you could feel, what you could believe. The Universe rarely imposes a “can’t” on its children except in the sense of “it can’t be done this way” and that “this way” part makes a lot of difference.
I learned long ago not to define myself by others’ limitations.
And to find other ways to make things possible.
One of my teachers gave me an exercise and I immediately responded, “Impossible! It violates the laws of physics!”
She nodded. “Oh. I see. Tell me, are there laws of physics nobody knows yet?”
“Well, of course. Einstein discovered laws that compartmentalized much of classical physics. Quantum is rewriting some of Einstein. Bohm demonstrated working alternatives to Thermo. It happens all the time.”
She leaned towards me and stared directly into my eyes. “Then use those unknown laws nobody knows of to do this.”
ShaBoom!
Be Limitless.
Welcome to the world of possible.
Sometimes, any of us can unwittingly and innocently set up a challenging scenario, then live it out. Both my grandmothers were like this.
My paternal grandmother was a woman of deep faith. She believed Jesus was her saviour and no matter what went wrong in her life, and plenty did I can assure you, “Grammy,” as we called her, believed Jesus had her back. Outwardly at least, her faith never seemed to be in doubt.
“Nan,” my maternal grandmother, was different. She had a meek-shall-inherit-the-Earth feel to her. A sense that life was essentially a struggle, full of suffering, and if we just take it, reward will be found in the afterlife. Her son wrote on her funeral bouquet “To mum who gave so much and expected so little in return.” To this day that message still moistens both my eyes.
Turning to you, have you ever heard yourself starting a sentence with…
- This won’t be easy,
- This conversation will be a difficult one,
- I dislike doing x
…and low and behold, it turns out to be the case?
In a “difficult” conversation, for instance, what we listen out for and observe in others, fits with our pre-conceived idea of difficulty. So, before we know it, we’re saying to ourselves – “There, I was right all along.”
All of us are prone to setting up an expectation, based on past experiences, about what will happen in the future.
Yet even though the future hasn’t happened yet, and our expectations may or may not turn out to be true, in all innocence, in short spaces of time, the difficult scenario we set up in our minds gets confirmed.
Doing this has a name – a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And a definition…
..the process through which an originally false expectation leads to its own confirmation.
There are two hidden costs of a self-fulfilling prophecy (S-FP) in my book.The first is, we simply remain unaware of the prophecy and carry on as normal.
We automatically think along the lines of this is how it’s always been and always will be. We suffer from the what-you-see-is-all-there-is bias and forego the opportunity to surface the assumptions behind our expectations, scrutinise them, and wonder if they’re helpful or even true. Much like “Nan,” the idea that she might transcend suffering, if only on a respite basis from time to time, never entered her consciousness.
The second cost is we forget to dream!
Put another way, we don’t give ourselves permission to imagine what would be ideal in a situation. Constrained again by what-you-is-all-there-is, we take thinking habits and assumptions that are either grounded in our own past experiences or have been handed down from previous generations, as read.
Here are some s-fps I’ve found to be unhelpful and based on false expectations…
…I’m here to suffer (thanks Nan.)
…Life is a like card game that’s dealt me a weak hand.
…Money means happiness.
…You can only be spiritual if you follow a Religion (Grammy’s faith helped me see spirituality can exist independently of a Religion.)
Here are two I find more helpful because to me they seem based on true expectations…
…Life is what you make it.
…Aim to be a good person by paying close attention to self-talk and whatever contents appear in my consciousness.
If you’re living from a s-fp that feels uneasy, see if you can surface the assumptions, teachings, doctrines, beliefs, etc. on which it’s based. Then, ask…
..are they true in every or just some circumstances?
..do they contain any falsehoods?
..what if you were to dream about an ideal alternative?
To discover more please visit https://www.rogermartin.me/home
Please take the pledge against distracted living!I want to live a full and joyous life! I want to have meaningful connections with the people I love the most! I want to be fully engaged in the lives of my family and friends. I want them to know I love them and I want to feel their love for me. I want to notice and enjoy this beautiful world we live in and savor all that nature has to offer me.
I want to engage all of my senses to be fully present in this wonderful and beautiful world. I want to feel fully, love deeply, and rejoice with my whole heart at all that life has to offer.
Therefore, I take this brave pledge against DISTRACTED LIVING:
- I will not look at or take out my phone when I am with my family and friends.
- I will not use my phone when I am interacting with any other people (i.e., the store clerk who is assisting me).
- I will turn off ringtones and notifications when I am out in public at concerts, plays, social events, and more.
- I will shut off or put away my phone, laptop, tablet, and TV when it is time for things like family dinners, BBQs, and any other social event.
- If I need to use my phone when around people, I will politely excuse myself and move to a private location.
- I will not view my child’s concerts, social events, and other special occasions through the screen of my phone.
- I will better plan my day so that there is time to respond to e-mails, phone messages, and the like.
- I will watch and learn to manage the amount of time I use social media. I will strive to never let virtual reality become my reality.
- I will never look at my phone while driving my car. I will not text and drive. If I do need to use my phone while driving, I will either use Blue Tooth or pull over to a safe spot. I will not endanger others by using or looking at my phone while on the road.
- I will turn to God instead of Google, Family instead of Facebook, Inspiration instead of Instagram, People instead of Pinterest, and Socializing instead of Snap Chat.
I am to blame. Society is fractured and it’s my fault. I chipped away at civility one encounter at a time, pointing a finger toward everyone else as I accused society of being meaner than it used to be. Gazing out my window and across my lawn, it occurred to me one day that society did not stop at my property line. I am part of the society to which I refer to as broken and unkind.
The year was 2020, and I had returned to the sanctuary of my home from a trip to the grocery store which meant dealing with thoughtless, rude people clogging up the aisles, and sharing the road with careless, indignant drivers. Impatient shoppers pushing me aside to get what they wanted was bad enough in a normal year. The violation of my personal space took on a whole new meaning at the beginning of the pandemic. Knowing how a regular upper respiratory illness tends to hit my lungs, I was a little anxious about inclusion in a statistic of which I wanted no part.
Returning to the safety of home, I closed the door to the world and breathed a sigh of relief. Washing the danger of illness off my hands, I looked up at the woman in the bathroom mirror and came face to face with the problem. I had become a meaner person than I used to be. The kind young woman who left the nest decades ago wearing a smile she meant was buried inside an embittered woman peering out of jaded eyes.
How can one average person like me be to blame for the degradation of humanity’s civility? The answer is lying right there in the question: Because I am average. I am not one; I am one of many.
I am a drop in an ocean of people massive enough to effect change without realizing we have done so. I did not wound civility in an instant, and I did not wound it alone. Sure, we like to blame the ones in the spotlight. Politicians make it easy to lay all the blame on them. They are not without blame, but the average people have the numbers. Compared to our ocean of average people, politicians are nothing more than a single martini glass filled with self-serving lawyers and garnished with a narcissistic businessman who keeps stirring up the mix.
Humanity has not been injured just by politicians. It’s been injured by the masses. Picture a bell curve. There are a small number of extraordinarily good people on the right side (Mother Teresa, my grandmother-in-law Hazel, etc.) and a small number of unthinkably bad people on the left side (Hitler, Charles Manson, etc.). Most of us reside in the large area in the middle, in the land of average. Together we ordinary people have the power of numbers to turn the clock back to civility one encounter at a time.
Since that day in 2020, I’ve been in search of my lost benevolence. It took a while, but I found it on the front porches and neighborhood streets of the hometown that raised me. I found it in grade school classrooms and under the shade of a tree on a playground. You can read about my discovery in Walking Old Roads, set for the bookshelves sometime in mid to late 2023. In the meantime, I’m trying a little each day to be a kinder version of myself and extend my definition of home beyond the boundaries of my property line.
I don’t want to play the blame game anymore. How about you?
When is the last time you did absolutely nothing for 10 whole minutes? Not texting, talking or even thinking? Mindfulness expert Andy Puddicombe describes the transformative power of doing just that: Refreshing your mind for 10 minutes a day, simply by being mindful and experiencing the present moment. (No need for incense or sitting in uncomfortable positions.)
At this time of year, many people get clear on what their word of the year is or spend time reflecting on the previous year and setting a vision for the next year. Interestingly I had lunch recently with a colleague who sets up her year in August of the previous year. That said this is not an article about the merits of having a vision or when to set it, in fact, it goes deeper than that to question the very essence of what vision is.
In a course in miracles a book that was channelled by a woman whose name was only revealed on her death, one of the key ideas is that In no situation that arises do you realise the outcome that would make you happy. Therefore, you have no guide to appropriate action and no way of judging the result.
This idea can bring up a lot of resistance for many because as one of my clients calls it your Shego/hego wants to be in control of everything that happens so it will fight tooth and nail to retain that. To help clients understand these ideas I encourage them to work with the following mantra I do not perceive my own best interests for at least a day.
Why does that mantra work?I found that particular mantra very freeing, perhaps because from where I am at and what I have experienced, it made so much sense. Think of it this way the conditioned self has been taught that it is each person for themselves and that you have to go into every situation considering either what’s in it for me or how I can I get the best outcome for me?
If you strip that attitude back to the underlying emotion that’s driving that way of being, it is fear. And what can make this more complex is that sometimes this fear is masked by anger. Let’s explore fear for a moment. It could be fear of missing out; fear of being ripped off and so on. When we examine that fear we see what lies beneath. It may be that you feel completely alone and feel the need to protect yourself for example. Now let’s dig deeper to see what lies underneath that. Fundamentally what we see is lack: this can show up as I haven’t got enough: or that I am not enough. If we are all aspects of the Divine then how can that idea be true?
At its simplest when in that place we are not seeing clearly; and all destructive emotions are merely mental projections based on interpretations that come from deeply held and unquestioned beliefs. How do we shift this? I am an adherent of these words from a very wise soul:
In the end, the reason we study is to be able to tackle and reduce our destructive emotions.
~ dalai lama
This year more than ever as a seven-year, you are encouraged to become more reflective and put space in your diary to create that. What has helped me is to cultivate a daily practice that includes:
- 10-20 mins of qi gong to clear any trapped chi (energy);
- reflection on my emotional and mental state using prompts;
- reading spiritual books and reflecting on their message and what it means for me
Notice the importance of working with the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Which of these pathways comes most easily for you?
The power of thoughtIt is your thoughts that affect your sense of emotional well-being and can impact on your effectiveness in life. Remember there are no neutral thoughts.
Every thought you have can bring you pain or delight. And the more we are stuck in that level of reality the more challenging life can become because it can feel overwhelming.
Every day the Dalai Lama follows a daily practice that consists of cultivating bodhicitta, a sense of altruism rooted in compassion. You could work with the following verse to cultivate yours if it resonates:
For as long as space endures
And for as long as living beings remain
Until then may I too abide
To dispel the misery of the world.
Why make time for a daily practice when life is so busy?
It’s never too late to be what you might have been or do what you might have done!Often I hear people say they once wanted to do something or go somewhere, but they were too busy and life passed them by. They wish they could have been or done whatever it was. Well, think about this! You are still alive. As long as you are alive, you can do whatever it is that you wished you could have or would have done. Don’t give up on your dreams! As far as I know, this is the only life you are going to get. This is not a dress rehearsal. You are not going to get another chance to come back and do this over again….at least not in the form of who you are now. So you must do whatever it is that you wish you had done.
Did you see the movie, “The Bucket List?” If not, go rent it and watch it. It’s the story of two men who decide to do all the things they ever wanted to do. After watching it, make yourself a bucket list.
Marcus Aurelius, the Roman philosopher, said, “If the mind of man can conceive an idea and believe it, the man can achieve it.” If we have created the image in our minds, we can produce the physical manifestation in our lives, even if such an image has never existed before. When you visualize something, you are establishing new patterns in your brain, the same as if you were actually doing what you are visualizing. You are directing your brain to give you the result you want. When you plan your day, it works the same way. You are visualizing your day. As you go through your daily activities, you may have to adjust and modify your actions in order to achieve the result you want.
So what is it that you want? What is your dream? Is it a trip? Where will you go? Who will you go with? What will you wear? What transportation will you take? Car? Plane? Train? Bus?
Perhaps you’d like a mate or a person to travel with? What kind of personality will he or she have? What values? What interests? How will this person treat you?
Maybe you’d like to volunteer? What kind of organization would you be most suited to working with? Would you prefer to work with children, adults, or the elderly? What time restraints will it have? What skills do you have to offer?
Don’t settle for things as they seem. You have been given free will in order for you to determine who you want to be and what you want to have and do. Your life is as limitless as your imagination. If you believe it can be done, your mind will start thinking up ways to make it happen.
In his book, The Magic of Thinking Big, the author, David Schwartz, states, “Believe, really believe, you can move a mountain and you can.” So think of something you wish you had done or been, or somewhere you wish you had gone. Write it down on a piece of paper and make a list of all the reasons why you can have, do, or be this. Just remember, as long as you are alive, it is never too late to be what you might have been or do what you might have done. Now take that first step!
Dedicated to all the women out there, I salute you for being YOU!I have many battle scars recovering from life’s unending struggles. I’ve learned at a young age to slay villains, demons, monsters & my own internal dragons. Whilst standing tall amidst these dark nights of the soul periods, there were times I silently yearned to be rescued by a saviour or hero.
When calamity strikes my natural disposition is to seek solutions or alternatives to grow through whatever was/is in my path.
I showed up as a heroine across my social, professional & family circles. Unawares I was co-creating how others perceived or treated me. This resulted in hardly anyone showing up during many of my darkest hours of need.
Even through these tumultuous times, my energy was redirected towards helping anyone other than myself. I had no inclination that this behaviour was an adaptation, deeply rooted from a conditioned narrative and a wounded trauma response.
I felt alone, abandoned & often lonely, even with many people around me who naturally gravitated towards my magnanimous personality.
Well my personality, or rather personal reality, became one where I often felt bitter. Little did I realise my need to keep the peace, and take care of everyone’s wellbeing, was not in service to me or others. I found myself reactive, silently harbouring resentment, disappointment & sheer disgust. How could those near & dear not see or appreciate I needed reciprocation for how I served them?
Having two life-defining experiences, a retrenchment & more recently a conscious uncoupling (divorce), very few people came to my aid. Fast track today, navigating being a single mom of 3 with 2 teenagers, has its fair share of challenges. There are feelings of isolation with no one to turn to.
I value the gift of these very important experiences which bring forth many life lessons. Somehow I could not see this clearly before.
You see, the universe will give us the push we need to step out of feeling like a victim. Where we are deeply entrenched in seeing only barriers & obstacles, almost blinded by them. It forces us to first accept our hero’s journey quest, to conquer the adaptations we assumed from our childhood. These vary from I’m not good enough, I don’t belong, Who am I to think I can be great, I have to be the good girl, I’m the black sheep…
When we finally connect to our authentic truth, we unveil the many personas we’ve been shackled by for years. This is when the hero’s no longer refuse the call, stepping courageously out of their ordinary world into the fearful unknown.
This is what women do daily, each day approaching uncertainty, yet forging ahead valiantly amidst the volatility they face in life.
So whilst we are indeed co-creators in our lives, we can create a life design by fully embracing who we are at our core. Acknowledging ourselves for just how far we’ve journeyed, & continuing the cycle over and over again.
1. Stay Accountable
When you write down your goals and track them regularly, you are more likely to stay on track and achieve them. If you don’t track your goals, it’s easy to let things slide and not take your goals seriously.
2. Measure Progress
Tracking your goals allows you to see how far you’ve come and how close you are to reaching your goal. This can be a great motivator to keep going.
3. Identify Roadblocks
If you find that you’re not making the progress you want, tracking your goals can help you identify what might be getting in your way.
4. Make Adjustments
As you track your goals and measure your progress, you may realize that you need to make some adjustments. Maybe you’re not moving as quickly towards your goal as you would like, or maybe you need to change your approach.
5. Stay Motivated
Seeing your progress and how close you are to reaching your goal can be a great motivator to keep going. When you track your goals, you can also see how far you’ve come, which can be a great source of motivation.
We like to think we’re optimistic, positive people. After all, no one wants to be considered a grump (well… almost no one – I see you, J!). If you follow me, you know I’m an active advocate for the power of positivity and ways we can use happiness as a gauge of how we’re doing.
In truth, we don’t always quite hit the mark. I’ve railed against performative positivity, where we ignore the reality of emotions that make us uncomfortable or pay lip service to the practice without having the emotional literacy to navigate it effectively. And, at the end of the day, we are still very much human.
We might mean to be positive, but those negative thoughts have a way of creeping in, especially if we’re tired or anxious.
Strong emotion has a way of derailing us, as do the negative influences around us. Even the most intentional among us have bad days (weeks, years…) where the biology takes over and we find ourselves in a funk.
While negativity bias is a very real biological impulse designed to keep us alive, we don’t have to surrender to our fate and live at its mercy. We actually have far more choice over how we react to our environment than we give ourselves credit for. To do that, it’s helpful to be able to recognize some of the road signs that suggest we’re heading down that familiar, miserable trail. Here are five of the most common ones.
Black and White ThinkingIf you catch yourself using ‘all’ or ‘nothing’ statements you’re already falling into a negativity mindset. When this comes up, the best thing to do is to remind yourself the world doesn’t really work that way. In fact, there are more shades of grey than you might think. When we’re in survival mode (like being cornered by an aggressive person on a Zoom call), our brains revert to this basic decision-making framework. “Fight OR Flight!” “Accept OR Quit!” When this happens, and when we realize it’s happening, consider pausing and giving yourself a minute (or an hour) to calm down so you can more objectively look at the situation. You’ll probably find there are at least a handful of other options that might better meet your needs. Don’t let the adrenaline win!
Tunnel VisionWhen you can only see the bad in everything, it’s no wonder you can feel lost in a sea of despair and negative self-talk. My dad used to call this, “Looking at the world through sh*t-covered glasses”. When we feel trapped, however, we can stop looking for opportunities – to make changes, to escape, to take a break, to find an alternate path…. Look for the positive spin you can put on things. I find gratitude especially helpful in these situations. Gratitude doesn’t negate the reality, but rather changes the way I approach it. “I’m super grateful that if I have to experience this, I can take these learnings and help others also facing these kinds of situations!” This “sow’s ear to silk purse” mindset helps me regain a little equilibrium so I’m not stuck.
Expecting the WorstWhen you can only see the negative outcome in everything, life kind of sucks! Sometimes, failure happens. Sometimes it’s truly catastrophic. As a former project manager, I think about this in terms of “Risk Management”. Your brain is already making up stories about the worst-case scenarios (thanks, negativity bias!) so use those to your benefit! You can even use dire predictions to work out a ‘plan B’ in case you need one but try not to get stuck in that doom spiral. Also, remember to remind yourself there’s also a chance of success in what you try. There’s no reason to assume the worst.
Horror StoriesWe ALL do this – we can’t help it. When we don’t have all the information, we start making up stories to fill in the gap – and those stories? Very rarely filled with sunshine and rainbows. We assume, consciously or otherwise, that we know what someone else is thinking, and it’s never good. To combat it? Try having an honest conversation with the person instead. Let them speak for themselves. They might even surprise you. We might instinctively expect the worst, but we can re-align those expectations closer to reality if we get the real scoop.
Imposter SyndromeOnce upon a time, you didn’t know everything about something. Maybe that resulted in an unpleasant situation, maybe it didn’t, but the fear sticks with us. It’s time to let it go. For some people, their brains are expert at bringing up the past, regardless of how much time has passed or what you’ve done to correct the mistake, increase your knowledge, skills, network, abilities… When that nagging little voice shows up and threatens your confidence, remind yourself of the lessons you’ve learned. You may or may not be THE EXPERT in whatever it is you’re focused on. Are you good enough? Do you have the right tools, and more importantly, the right people on your team? Probably. If not, who do you need to bring in to make things happen? Remember, the past is in the past. Look forward, seeing the possibilities. If you can’t completely let it go, use it as guidance in your own next steps so you’re that much MORE prepared for the next challenge. Nobody is perfect. Nobody knows everything. That’s not even the goal. Competence, confidence, and curiosity? Those will take you far.
To be fair, in the 80 gazillion things we experience on a daily basis, some of them, sometimes a WHOLE LOT of them, are not enjoyable. However, also in that 80 gazillion thing bucket, statistically there are at least a handful of experiences that are pretty good – or even better! We’re wired to instinctively focus on bad stuff. That’s cool. Biology is neat, and keeps us alive. We don’t have to be at the complete mercy of survival instincts, though. We can honor and appreciate those tendences and balance them out with actively, intentionally seeking out the good, because it’s there, too. And while happiness is the gauge of success, not the goal, we’re going to have more happiness when we’re looking for it. After all, frequency illusion? That’s science, too, and we can absolutely hack into that!
Bobbie Hickey – a curious 16-year-old girl born blind, but with a big personality. Having had over 150 general anesthetics and in excess of 50 operations, Bobbie has had her fair share of ups and downs. Today, Hickey stands as a 5ft 4inch confident teen, who has a passion for animals, fashion, and adrenalin and has the desire to travel and explore the world. Some of Bobbie’s achievements include receiving her RIB license, (meaning she may be Ireland’s first blind speed boat driver) and taking part in various musicals. Her friends and family know she loves to talk so it was no surprise when Hickey brought home the winning trophy for her previous school’s speech competition and announced she would make an uplifting and motivating speech in front of that same school. Remember, Bobbie is spelled with an IE.
I got triggered the other day. Yep – it happens. And I found myself asking the wrong question. Watch this short video and get a masterful way of getting to the bigger, badder, better, bolder LESSON faster!
To seeking deeper insight instead of shallow answers.
Hugs,
AmyK
Suppose we saw the term “people pleaser” as no more than a label others use when describing our behaviour. (Not who we really are note, just some of our actions.)
And suppose we mischievously asked some searching questions of that label – what it assumes people pleasing is caused by, for instance, and precisely what behaviours is it describing.
Should such a label be somewhat problematic, might such questioning make it less so?
Let’s find out.
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Insecurity, low self-esteem, perfectionism, and the fear of rejection cause people pleasers to do what they do apparently.
- Mmmm – who’s never felt insecure? Doesn’t insecurity describe all of us?
As a young man and boy I would people please to minimise the chances of being beaten up. Apart from one occasion it worked. I think of it more of a survival strategy than an affliction.
- Low self-esteem, again, I bet you everyone has had times when this has affected them. But that was then, it isn’t now, is it?
I had a dad who expressed his love by continually pointing out what I hadn’t achieved, not what I had. It left me thinking I could never please him because I’m just not good enough. But that was then, it only comes alive for me now through memories, which I have some agency over whether I pay attention to them or not.
- Perfectionism – okay, okay, I know this can lead to chronic procrastination, but doesn’t it have an upside too?
Wanting to get things right, perfect even, so others can benefit from our work tells me someone cares. It’s only problematic when things never get done because of…
- ..The fear of rejection, which makes taking the doing-nothing-is-better-than-being-rejected option attractive. But need it be?
This is a big one for me. I was born with a club foot, a black eye (forceps) and was unable to sleep for months, which brought pressure on my parents’ marriage. Not what you’d call a little bundle of joy.
Family rifts over homosexuality, two divorces, a 24-year estrangement from my two daughters, and the suicides of friends and family can all trigger rejection memories. For large parts of my life, these led to bouts of depression.
As I’ve gotten older though, these have dwindled to a trickle, and only happen for short bursts of a few hours say, nothing like the months on an end as before.
Why?
I put it down to understanding that I am separate from the thoughts and memories that arise in my head, which were at the root of my low moods. When I realise I’m not my thoughts, the opportunity to interrupt them or not taken them too seriously arises, which simply could not have done when I was unaware of this.
Sure I still feel the fear from time to time, I just don’t dwell on the memories that create it and my tendency to catastrophise about the future which only makes it worse!
That’s why I’m writing this right here, right now. Several years ago the fear of rejection that might come from sharing this with you, would have left me in that chronic procrastination loop.
Having subjected the causes of people pleasing to a bit of scrutiny, let’s see how we might counter six specific behaviours it produces.
- You agree even when you disagree
What if you flipped this and disagreed with yourself on an issue you felt strongly about?
Take some really contentious issues – the existence of God, the legalisation of abortion, or capital punishment, for instance. See if you can put the case to yourself of those who take the opposite view to you.
Seeing the reasoned cases of both sides in a dispute or conflict helps you interrupt the automaticity of always agreeing with someone to get validation, say, or lower the fear of rejection, or any of the other causes mentioned above.
- You apologise too much
Would you rather be someone who never apologises or one who can do so readily when it’s called for?
Saying sorry can be a strength, so I encourage you to not be too hard on yourself here. Focus on what does and doesn’t need an apology and why. It’s this more-precise reasoning that will help you interrupt your automatic tendency to say sorry.
- You always have someone double-check your work
What if you reduced the number of times you asked for this to be done gradually – by 10% a week, say?
If you try this I encourage you to notice how more self-reliant you feel once your dependence on someone else reduces. They might appreciate having more time too.
- You are constantly burdened by other people’s feelings
Could understanding the idea of projection help you?
Before I delve into that, let me say I totally ‘get’ this burdensome feeling. When you’re concerned about another, especially a loved one, it’s very easy to feel the weight of that.
In psychology, there’s something called “projection.” It happens when we find a troubling emotion too difficult to handle, so we project it onto others via blame or simply sharing it. It’s a bit like passing a hot potato, we don’t want to get burnt so quickly pass it on.
Self-talk rooted in some of the causes above – insecurity, low self-esteem etc. – can innocently and understandably make you a great catcher of those projections! Realising that is sometimes all you need to bat the hot potatoes back or shield yourself from a few of them, or just not catch them at all!
It seems to me that ultimately, we’re each responsible for our own feelings. The best gift we have is to help others live peacefully with theirs.
- You rarely accept credit or praise
What if you treated yourself every Friday to small gifts?
Treats mark the progress you’re making in not taking the unhelpful thoughts, feelings and sensations, which arise automatically in you, so seriously. Progress such as speaking your own mind and not just responding in ways designed to please others.
Treats are a form of self-praise that, perhaps, haven’t occurred to you before, because, quite understandably, in order to survive and thrive, you’ve paid more attention to what others think of you. What’s it to be – chocolate? A long walk? An hour in silence? What else?
- You take the blame when it’s not yours
What if you didn’t blame yourself for taking the blame on others’ behalf?
Taking the blame can have sound reasoning behind it that serves you well now or in times gone by. Maybe it was a survival strategy where the calculation was – take the wrap for this so as to avoid bigger consequences if you didn’t. Taking the blame can also be motivated by wanting others to feel sorry for us, so that we earn their leniency, forgiveness, or favour.
If you’re a blame taker, even when it’s not yours to take, explore what happens when stop blaming yourself for it! Breaking this behaviour pattern begins by being kind to yourself. Zoom in on how blame-taking helped you once, before wondering whether it still does today in every situation you face.
Finally, let me share another way of looking at people pleasing in a workplace context.
For some years now I’ve been reflecting on what delivers real internal contentment to teams. It seems to me being of help to others is key to that. I don’t mean this in a customer’s-always-right kinda way, more that when we help teams listen to understand the wants and needs of those who depend on their work, and see what those they serve would ideally like, don’t get currently, new opportunities to help arise.
Providing what’s missing and being appreciated for it is another way of looking at pleasing people. One I find immensely satisfying personally, and when shared by my team, has a bit of a contagion effect. We all feel good together about the difference we’ve made.
To discover more please visit https://www.rogermartin.me/home
It is up to us to open our minds to what “can be” and then make the choice to pursue it passionately. Many people are doing what they do because they think they have to do it. All too often, choices are made based on what we believe is the “right” thing to do rather than on what will make us happy.
Each of us has within us a wellspring of energy, creativity, and inspiration. It is always there, even when we are not aware of it…even when we are tired, burnt out and just doing our best to get through each day. This energy inside of us has its own voice. When we are quiet long enough, we can hear it calling us out of our ruts and into a life of possibility. When we listen to that voice, we are inspired. We become more positive. We become more creative. We become passionate.
Passion is thought turned into performance…it’s the energy that propels you to your destination. It is one of our most important traits. Like confidence, passion is something you create for yourself.
First, you must have a goal that you want to achieve. Passion implies you believe in yourself enough to go after your goal. Passion tells the world you have a dream, you have courage, and you see success in your future. When you are passionate, you are willing to grow daily and adjust your priorities to achieve your desires.
Go after what you want with passion. Success is as competitive as any sport. Don’t sit back and wait for someone to discover you. Get out there and do something. You have as much ability as anyone else.
Life is a succession of choices. You have the ability to choose. Be bold. Follow your passion. A life lived with passion is full of possibilities.
Your mind is a powerful thing. The way you see yourself and your ability to learn doesn’t just impact your success, but also the goals you set and how you attack them. Organizations have a mindset, too, and it significantly influences company culture, employee engagement, and overall success.
Mindset Influences How and What We LearnAccording to Stanford researcher Carol Dweck, the difference between what she calls a “fixed mindset” and a “growth mindset” is what determines what we learn and how well we learn it. Dweck maintains that a fixed mindset assumes our character, intelligence, and creativity are fixed traits that we have no control over. A growth mindset is the belief that even though we each have unique talents, aptitudes, and interests, our mental traits can change through effort and experience.
Dweck contrasts the two mindsets this way:
In a fixed mindset, students believe their basic abilities, their intelligence, their talents, are just fixed traits. They have a certain amount and that’s that, and then their goal becomes to look smart all the time and never look dumb. In a growth mindset, students understand that their talents and abilities can be developed through effort, good teaching, and persistence. They don’t necessarily think everyone’s the same or anyone can be Einstein, but they believe everyone can get smarter if they work at it.
Much of Dweck’s research explores how these mindsets are formed and how early on in life. In a study on hundreds of school-age children, she examined how different types of praise influence mindset as well as how each mindset impacts learning and academic achievement. Some students were praised for how hard they worked on various tasks while others were praised for their abilities.
Two important findings stood out: (1) praise that focuses on effort nurtures a growth mindset while praise that focuses on ability nurtures a fixed mindset, and (2) students with a fixed mindset will reject learning experiences in order to avoid failure.
When students were given the choice to complete tasks of various difficulty levels, those who were praised for their ability rejected any tasks that might result in failure or indicate deficiencies. To this group, failure meant they were not smart, and the risk of that far outweighed the benefits of learning something new.
Conversely, those who were praised for effort weren’t intimidated by the risk of failing the difficult tasks. Rather, they embraced them as challenges. In fact, 90% of them wanted to tackle the most challenging tasks. To this group, failure was not a reflection of their intellect or ability, it was an indication that they just had to work harder to succeed.
The team expanded the research to find out if a fixed or growth mindset influences character traits such as honesty. They asked the students to write about their experiences and disclose their scores on the tasks. Forty percent of the students in the ability-praised group inflated their scores to make them look more intelligent. Since a fixed mindset equates failure with deficiency, almost half of these students were so ashamed of their scores that they lied about them.
Dweck didn’t confine her research to school-age children. She examined brain waves of adults to determine how mindset affects the way people receive feedback. Those with a fixed mindset were much more interested in feedback about their ability than they were in feedback about how they could improve their ability. Those with a growth mindset were much more interested in learning how to improve regardless of their current ability. They saw ability as a starting point, not the ending point.
The collective body of this research confirms that our mindset is a powerful factor in our willingness to learn as well as our ability to learn new things.
Mindset Impacts Employee Engagement and Company CultureDweck extended her research even further to explore whether an organization can cultivate a fixed or a growth mindset, and if so, how it impacts employee engagement and company culture. Employees at seven Fortune 1000 companies were asked to rate statements about the company such as, “This company believes that people have a certain amount of talent, and they really can’t do much to change it.” High levels of agreement indicated the company had a fixed mindset; low levels suggested a growth mindset. The researchers then surveyed the employees to see if there was a correlation between mindset and job satisfaction, employee engagement, collaboration, and perception of culture as well as whether it impacted managers’ perceptions of employees.
Those employees that described their companies as having a growth mindset reported that they felt empowered to take risks and valued for the contributions they made. They also described their organizations as more collaborative and innovative, and they viewed themselves as respected members of the team.
Employees at fixed-mindset companies reported cultures characterized by inequity, mistrust, and dishonesty. Many said that only a handful of employees were valued and respected and that the company largely didn’t care about the rest. They worried about being called out for failing, so they stayed in their comfort zones and avoided taking risks that could result in creativity and innovation. Employees who feel that innovation and hard work are only rewarded if they are successful are much more likely to put in the time, play it safe, and fly under the radar.
Leaders can cultivate a growth mindset in the organization by demonstrating that they value potential, capacity for learning, and a passion for challenges. When employees feel that effort is as important than ability and they are encouraged to step out of their comfort zones without fear of being penalized for making mistakes along the way, engagement and collaboration increase significantly.
5 Simple Ways to Cultivate a Growth MindsetHere is the good news: a growth mindset isn’t something you’re born with; it’s something you can develop. Here are some simple ways to do that.
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Redefine the meaning of learning as brain training. Remember that the brain is like any other muscle in the body; the more you use it the stronger it gets.
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Replace the words failure and mistakes with the words learning and experience. This shift in perspective turns the fear of failing into opportunities to improve. Without that fear, you’ll try more new things and you’ll learn from both mistakes and successes.
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Embrace the word “yet.” Instead of saying, “I’m not good at that, “ train yourself to say, “I’m not good at that, yet.” That tiny word reinforces the belief that you have the power to improve.
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Remember that the brain is not fixed and neither is your ability to learn. Each time you reach a goal, acknowledge the neuroplasticity at work in your brain. Then set a new goal knowing that you’re never done sculpting a better brain.
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Cultivate grit. Think of grit as setting a goal so big that you can’t possibly reach it and then growing into the person who does. Embrace the challenge with the confidence that you have far more control over your brain than anything or anyone else.
If you enjoyed this post, share it with someone in your corner of the world.
Learn more about how to apply neuroscience to improve company culture, engage employees, and grow collective intelligence in your organization!
This episode explores the importance of being compassionate towards ourselves and others and why we need to start with ourselves first. When you learn to be compassionate towards yourself during challenging situations, showing kindness towards others becomes second nature.
I’ve been living with intention for sixteen years now.
Correct that: I have been living with conscious intention for sixteen years now.
Or correct that: I have consciously been living…
I have been consciously living…
ENJOY PART 1 BELOW︎
Intention (Part 1)
Use language to describe something you do not have language forThe above are not edits, they are attempts to use language to describe what I do not yet have language for. Each sentence has a slightly different meaning, each slightly different meaning fails to reveal the whole that I mean.
Living with Intention is challenging. The challenge is both frustrating – when I allow it to be – and rewarding – when I allow it to be. Living with Intention is the razor’s edge Maugham wrote about.
You are a verb and can only become a noun through effortPart of living with intention means slowing myself down to the point that the universe stops moving around me. Or maybe I move so quickly I move with the universe, hence remain fixed in it. Phrased differently, Living with Intention means recognizing that you are a verb and can only become a noun through effort.
I pay more attention to what I eat. I pay more attention to my eating. I take time to savor whatever goes in my mouth (and whatever comes out). I find that paying attention to the tastes allows me to taste more of the individual flavors, to become aware of subtleties that I didn’t know were there yet obviously were, waiting for me to experience them.
As my awareness expands, my calmness grows. I find myself more restful while being readier (for anything) than I’ve ever been before (that I remember, anyway).
I discover selves I no longer need or can comfortably use. I thank them for their efforts and invite them to rest.
I’m now 68 years old, I was taught these things in my childhood then again starting in my late twenties and I’m just beginning to understand that it’s Living with Intention that my teachers talked about.
I practice guitar differently now than I did…even months ago. Once the recognition of intention is made, it grows and encompasses everything. At least for me. Practicing (anything) was a chore at times, an obligation. “I have to practice x minutes/hours each day.”
Practice for whom? That’s the question Living with Intention causes me to ask now.
I focus more on the individual movements of my fingers. The movements become natural, fluid, far faster, more elegant than they were in the past. I laugh at my mistakes (that alone takes practice). Recognizing that they’re simply mistakes comes from living with intent.
I recognize that I’ve lost my focus when things frustrate me. I remind myself to slow down. Relax. Learn what the frustration comes from. Deal with its source, not with its trigger. The trigger is the agent that reveals. Thank it, go on, continue.
Relationships take both less and more work. I question my motives for interacting with people, both as individuals and as groups. I don’t question their motives, only my own. In questioning my own motives, in understanding my own goals, I realize and understand theirs more clearly, more cleanly, more obviously, more quickly and easily than I did before.
I question more because questioning more leads to more understanding. And questioning. My own. What is my goal with them? What is my desired outcome? Do I want to be friends? Am I capable of friendship? Is that person capable of reciprocating in a way which satisfies both parties involved? Did they fail or did I set them up for failure by creating an expectation they couldn’t meet? What shall I do if I recognize that this relationship will never be what I want it to be? And then recognize it’s easier to end that relationship than continue being dissatisfied with the interactions.
Because I’m paying attention more, because I’m doing things consciously, more and more of what I do becomes non-conscious.
But part of Living with Intention involves becoming more aware of what I do non-consciously, discovering which of my behaviors are in conflict with my desires and why and what I can do to resolve those conflicts.
I exercise differently. I’m more aware of my movements, of my limits, my goals shift, my reasons for exercising become more self-directed than other-directed.
And I learn to be increasingly honest with myself. Even when self-honesty, the necessary sister of self-realization, hurts.
Learning to be a noun means learning to be a gerund because there are times when the energy around you is different from (unequal to?) your own and you must match it before you can work with it. Intentionally
Writing this, I recognize my strengths and weaknesses. I focus my intention on what is obvious to me because the obvious is easiest to recognize, but “the obvious” means “the surface” that I haven’t integrated into myself and so it exists unknown, unrecognized.
It is the unknown, the unrecognized, that truly requires my focus, my intention, because the unknown and unrecognized parts of who I am are the most dangerous to both myself and others.
And when I learn to live in the moment? Then I await the next…
Gratitude became an integral part of my life more than 10 years ago. When I began a daily practice of self-reflection and self-love. It began at a time when life was overwhelmingly stressful. It was taking a physical, emotional, and mental toll on my body. And my body was at a literal breaking point. On one of my darkest days, I reflected through inspiration. Wayne Dyer once said, “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” And this began a premise of reflection, gratitude, and self-love that led me through some of the most difficult challenges of my life.
But at the point of overwhelm, my life was filled with challenges and obstacles. And I had to learn over time to find the blessing and lesson in each situation. It all began when my children were 3 and 6 years old. My husband was traveling. I was a full-time mom and Emergency room nurse. And I had been suffering from Chronic pain, Migraines, and severe IBS. One day as I drove home from my shift exhausted, with a foggy mind, migraine, and nausea, my kids were excited to share but I simply couldn’t give anymore. I was always excited to listen to them but that day, I just couldn’t take anything on. My oldest became a caregiver and babysitter that day. He took on a role that I never would have asked him to because I was always doing everything for them and the world around me.
But on that day, I couldn’t function as a person, much less as a mom. As I lay on the couch watching the world spin and hoping my pain would resolve, he took charge. He checked on me and brought me everything I needed. He had been watching me over time. He knew the things that made me feel better. And he brought them like a little man. He made me Gatorade. He covered me with blankets. He gave me an ice pack for my head. And even with all that, he cared for his 3-year-old brother. He entertained him, talked to him, played with him, fed him, and kept him away from me so I could rest. And when the fog settled and my body returned to normal, I vowed that my children would never deal with that version of me again. I vowed to find the root cause of my illness and lead a healthier lifestyle. On the path, I found my way out of chronic pain, headaches, and digestive issues.
The journey led me to a deeper understanding of trauma and its impact on the body. I learned along the way after seeing a geneticist that I had a genetic condition called Ehler Danlos Syndrome. It turned out to be a condition that finally put all my medical diagnoses into perspective. And the doctor proceeded to tell me my healthy lifestyle was the best course of action to deal with such a debilitating disease. I was grateful to know that I had an answer to my overwhelming variety of symptoms. And it began to pave the way to healing that would take me to my darkest place and back again.
But gratitude and reflection propelled me through each challenge to unveil a new layer of healing. Now 10 years later, I know that changing my perspective and looking at my life differently brought to light the path to take each step of the way. And gratitude got me through the stages easier. A few months ago my oldest told me he admired me because I was fierce and didn’t take no for an answer. That day brought tears to my eyes because I had never seen myself as fierce, rather I thought of myself as fearful and scared. Again it took time of reflection and gratitude to realize that he was right. I had gone on a journey from debilitating pain to healing and found my purpose along the way. And had I not had the fierce attitude hiding inside me I never would have become the mom who went from victim to warrior. And along the way, he forgot all the pain I had lived and only sees me as the woman I became. So I am grateful for each step of this journey that helped me find the fierce woman that was hiding in the overwhelm.
So remember, life is filled with challenges and obstacles, after all, that is part of the human experience. We need to fall apart to put ourselves back together. We need to struggle to find our way. We need to learn to grow.
But with gratitude, self-love, and reflection you will enhance your journey to your final destination. So I invite you to practice this as often as possible and notice the way your life changes as you begin to change the way you look at things. So here are two daily practices that will fill your day with hope, joy and gratitude and begin a journey to self-love.
Visualize Your Perfect DayListen to a meditation that will help you visualize your day unfolding perfectly. Where each beautiful moment unravels exactly as you desire. And day by day this practice will help you manifest the life you desire. The secret is it doesn’t come in an instant. The more you practice self-love and visualize it coming true the easier the journey becomes.
Reflection through GratitudeClear your mind and calm your body Reflection- sit outdoors and allow your senses to tap into nature. Hear the birds. Feel the breeze. Sense the touch of the sun. And once you are relaxed, visualize your day from beginning to end. Notice the happy moments and tap into them. Sit with those happy moments and notice the things that brought you joy. The smile on your son’s face when he told you a story. Reflect on the way it made you feel. Notice sensations. Let yourself smile. Allow the love to grow in your heart. And repeat that with every happy moment in the day. Then briefly revisit the stressful moments. And as you are in those moments. Remember that every situation has a blessing and a lesson. And notice if you learned something from that moment. Maybe it was a text message that made you upset. Notice you had a choice to let it fester or let it go. And even if you let it fester, you learned you had the option to let it go next time. Then recenter yourself again with your breath. Feel the sensations around you. Notice the breeze, the sun, the wind, etc. And think of someone you are grateful for. Someone that was part of your life today that really made today special. And as you feel the love grow in your heart. Send them some love. Imagine them in your mind and allow yourself to see them receiving love and feeling great. And notice the way life begins to change when you allow yourself to slow down and reflect through self-love.
Creating a life by design – living a life on Your Terms comes from consciously making choices. Decisions stemming from your values, and what is important to you, not what other’s expect of you.
Yes, you can choose to live by others’ needs, and demands, but living by choice creates different feelings, responses, and interactions.
Owning one’s decision is empowering. You are in charge of your choices, stepping from being a victim of others’ expectations into a conscious agreement with yourself to be, do, and live in ways that work for you, for now.
I lived in a state of victimhood for most of my life. I looked at others’ and wanted what they had. Everyone seemed to have what success was meant to be the house, travel, family, power, influence, and money. They seemed to have choices in life, whereas I didn’t feel I had any.
Until I chose to explore my life, and what living meant to me, I was stuck in my beliefs from growing up ….. be the good girl and stay safe from abuse.
Don’t get too loud, naughty, playful, out there, smart, or rely on others to help you.
Be resilient, independent, and silent. Don’t tell others what is going on; they won’t believe you anyway.
You are just a girl; who do you think you are to know about things that are male roles?
Basically, don’t have a thought, a voice, ask for things, have expectations for things to be different, or be yourself, let alone consider there could be a different way. This is how things were to be. Your lot in life, and get on with it.
Looking back, I understand why I was told these things. My parents were also victims of their era and family teachings. As were everyone else.
Our society, at the time and previous generations, developed deep needs for security and safety by conforming and achieving greater than the poverty they experienced or were told.
They lived through wars, depression, and very male dominating times where the women of the house were expected to be barefoot and pregnant, without contraception, control or choice over their bodies, let alone their home.
Today, we are encouraged to step out, be different, to get to know ourselves, and what is important to us, at a deep level, but against the backdrop of generations of limitations, fears, and norms that don’t work anymore. This only adds to the confusion and pain, creating palatable tension between desiring different and yet feeling the need to conform and stay how we were.
Confusion, pain, angst, guilt, grief, sadness, loss, loneliness, isolation, fear, uncertainty, and a whole host of other big feelings come to the surface when we start to dream of something different, more aligned with our core values and living from love.
Yet, this is where the magic begins…..
Exploring what is important to us as an individual and consciously deciding what we will create in our life, then learning the skills to let go of past constraints and unserving rules.
The biggest questions start by asking yourself powerful questions, listening to the answers, honouring the feelings that arise, and taking ownership of what you choose to do at the moment.
It’s about
- being ok with continuing what you feel you can’t change, yet.
- being ok to do something different, testing the water to see if it does fit well with your image of yourself.
- being ok to say no to what you would typically say yet to and vice versa.
- being ok to set different boundaries, and speak from your truth and, at times, upsetting others, because they are surprised that you now have a voice they didn’t think you had.
- unlearning habits, rules, expectations, stories, and rationales for being the scapegoat, the good girl, the reliable, the conformist, the people pleaser, go-to person who gets stuff done.
- learning strategies of coping with the parts of you, starting to shine through learning how to say no, and yes with confidence, and stepping into your power when you expect to be shut down, abused, ignored, dishonoured, etc.
- learning what works for you, feels true to your values, and what you dream your life to be in the future.
- developing the tenacity, and self-belief that life is possible for you too.
to grow into confidence, skills, knowing, self-belief, and self-love in healthy ways and unapologetically become unf__kable. - healing the past, and coming to peace with what has happened. Forgive those who also didn’t know anything different because of the era they lived in, and what they were taught, and there honestly wasn’t the support and research to encourage another way of living and loving.
- forgiving yourself for all the times, you self-abused, neglected, abandoned, rejected, and hurt yourself because you didn’t know or believed there was a different way possible for you.
- writing your future, the way you want to live, love, share and be known for. The legacy you choose to leave behind and be remembered for. Whatever way or form this is for you.
The era we are living in is a blessing in so many ways. The message challenges the norms, rules, and conformity of generations of the past. It is asking us all to become more real, honest, authentic and in integrity from the deepest part of ourselves – unconditional love. To live this way invites us to learn how to love ourselves unconditionally, and in the process, open up to loving others with the same amount of empathy, compassion, encouragement, and belief that we are not broken but hiding under layers and eons of BS that tell us what we are not.
The challenge is open to all. It is up to each individual to decide to Create Your Life on Your Terms. What your life looks, feels and is experienced how. Choosing your response and emotional response to what is happening in and around you. To raise your vibration towards acceptance, and allowance of choices, while still holding morally high standards of “What would love do now?” and this, at times is about saying a very clear NO! and asking others to step up.
Life is challenging but only as challenging as we choose to make it. The further we step away from love and our life purpose, the more challenging it gets. Our inner compass draws us back like a magnet, but our choices pull in a different direction creating the corresponding tension load.
Yes, the choice is yours; you can choose when, how, and why you choose differently. It might be now, soon, next year or never, and each is a perfectly ok choice.
Creating your life is about clearing the hidden fears, hurts, limiting beliefs, and stories that keep you stuck in the past handed to you by your family, friends, schooling, society, media, and a whole lot more.
Stomp on for gold amid setbacks. I will make it plain. There are no setbacks. There is only perspective. Pick the one that sees you always moving forward.
When you don’t let your perspective stop you from progressing and let it take you in a new direction, you get to live in a flow that characterizes your normal condition.
Many times our limited perception and negative attitude and beliefs betray us in the way we rationalize unrealized expectations. What looks like a tragedy of hopes and dreams quickly drowning in the perplexity of a raging ocean. Things change. Halted. Flopped. Things have to happen a certain way for you to feel better. You start to doubt yourself, or at least question what is possible for you. It has become a personal challenge. Our normal condition is flow. You got this.
In 1993, for Tyler Perry’s first play, only 30 people showed up. He knew them. The play failed again and again, one show a year. Every time he would quit his job and go do the play, it failed. He watered ONE idea: his play. And never stopped believing in the feeling deep down. He believed he wasn’t failing but learning and growing along the way. He shared how the dream took on the belief for him when he couldn’t continue. In 1998, he did the play at the House of Blues and there was a line around the building. It sold out. He believes it was nothing but the grace of God.
Society and cultural norms have taught us to language the obstacles we encounter in life as setbacks, roadblocks, failures, losses, even upsets. But these seemingly incongruous and invidious experiences are opportunities from which progress will come.
Our perspective matters in how we respond to the convoluted circumstances – whether you see them as adjustments: wait – not now – later, detours, even complete reversal in direction. They come to serve your alignment with purpose for who you are to become. And that’s a baffling brute to accept and integrate into your inner sanctum. We are only ever reminded of the certainty of the unpredictability of life’s ups and downs. It is wise to just flow with the tide that sees you always moving forward.
Letitia Wright while she was filming the movie Black Panther, suffered a fractured shoulder and concussion. She went home for three months and had to figure out how to bounce back to fulfill God’s purpose for her life. She returned to the set and finished stronger.
Appreciating the words of Md. Ziaul Hague, “Be like water, Flow like a river, Crash like the rain, Fly like the cloud again!” Show up, accept the set-up; be the river of flow. Destiny is not linear; it is unapologetically inconvenient. Things are unbefitting and unaccommodating your needs, time, and desires. The twists and turns, the rope swinging to get to the other side of the creek, the wall scaling to get over, the rock climbing to get up a cliff are all a part of an intended end. The complexity of the terrain is confounding! Sadly, many never get there.
Acknowledge the pain and trauma. Process them. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made along the way. You can think greater than how you feel, even, when others meant to harm you. You are not singled out; all are going through the same process, a process leading to gold. Suffering is a part of the human experience. However, many do not see its eternal glimmer through the cloud of suffering.
Give yourself the freedom and grace to be present in the process. Change is guaranteed when you keep showing up for yourself. You don’t have to feel strong to be strong. You just got to show up!
Every time you keep moving you are building momentum and exercising resilient and enduring muscles you never thought you had in your mind, body, emotions, and spirit.
What can you stir up within that will support you in this process?
What can you do in the process to generate energy and forward movement?
Do it.
The kind of change you hope for is the one that sees you always moving forward in the flow of life, carrying the seeds of your greatness for the evident realization and manifestation of your highest self-expression and divine alignment with clarity and impact to fulfill your mission, purpose, and destiny.
Our expectations are what ache us in life. Professor Jared Eagen explains, “We are only ever disappointed when our expectations do not become our reality.” When we expect things to work out and they don’t. Don’t try to make sense of it in the midst of it. Adjust the sails and allow the wind to escort and carry you. Be the river of flow.
What perspective would see you always moving forward?
In the ability to wonder, there is the complicity of two qualities: the belief that what we know about the world and about life is always less than what we might know; the hopeful belief that in what we may know again there is a beauty worth seeking out.
Knowing how to marvel ourselves requires a desire for discovery, a curiosity that is not satisfied. Anyone who knows how to marvel gets excited about what they discover because they know that life is always vaster and richer than every word that can describe it. Not only that, those who know how to marvel are convinced that what they will be able to discover will almost always be an enriching surprise because it will modify, expand, and transform what they already knew.
Those who don’t know how to wonder often have convictions and certainties with which they are satisfied, they believe they have understood much, if not all, of what there is to understand and they believe they already know what they will encounter. Maybe they don’t know how to be surprised not because they consider the world repetitive and familiar, but because they are somewhat closed in on themselves.
For a child, marveling corresponds to experiences practically on the agenda: everything becomes discovery, curiosity, and the desire to know why.
As we grow, much of what once amazed us loses value and becomes almost invisible because it is taken for granted. Those little details that perhaps once would have captivated us now increasingly go unnoticed. We are almost no longer able to wonder.
We live in an age where everything works very fast. We are always connected and we can obtain any information instantly, living under the banner of ‘everything and immediately’. We have become bulimic of information, images, and immediate results, and this compromises the possibility of stopping to marvel, to experience amazement, passion, and ecstasy in front of the little joys of life. And yet, every little detail in our daily life can be an occasion for wonder.
For this reason, I consider the ability to wonder about an attitude to be cultivated, not to be missed. Because it is an attitude that puts us in a different state of mind when we approach the reality that surrounds us. When we place ourselves in an attitude of openness, of curiosity, everything will appear in a new light to our eyes.
Let’s practice grasping and accepting the little things, even on those days when we don’t think there’s anything to be surprised about. It’s precisely on those days that we most need to notice what to feel grateful for.
So let’s try not to always take everything for granted, and to be truly grateful for everything we have. Let’s live in the present, instead of dwelling on the past or worrying excessively about the future. This is very important to appreciate the little wonders that life offers every day. Let’s discover gratuity, meeting the other, the different, and we will discover, marveling, that all human beings have something to teach us.
Living only for yourself prevents you from enriching yourself with new meaningful experiences. Instead, we must banish indifference, look up and notice those around us, think of others, and avoid focusing only on our personal well-being.
Marveling at life’s surprises cannot remain a privilege of children, but a desire to be cultivated at any age. A fundamental emotion that must never be lost, the willingness, always, to find unexplored paths, solutions never taken into consideration, original ideas.
What still amazes you?
The secret is to surround yourself with people who make your heart smile. It’s then, only then, that you’ll find Wonderland.
Lize Venter speaks of her lost innocence through abuse that cast a dark line through her childhood, causing fear and nightmares. She shares her current life filled with the love of her family and the many animals who are part of that family, as she urges viewers to surround themselves with those who bring out the best in them, the ones who help them to bloom. “It’s like a mental shift to look for treasures and to look for Wonderland.” Trigger warning: this film contains references to sexual abuse which may be triggering to some viewers. If you have been affected by a similar issue and you need someone to talk to, please reach out to an organization or individual near you for help.
Perhaps this comes as a surprise to some, but humans tend to be messy, complicated creatures, and by extension, that likely applies to the majority of us reading this article. As much as we may like to typecast, assume, stereotype, or quickly judge people, chances are that if we actually spend some time getting to know one another, we will recognize dimensions of each other’s personality or character that perhaps were not so obvious upon first impression or our initial interactions.
That can be a very positive thing, but it also can be fraught with unknowns and sometimes revelations that we may not look upon favorably. Being able to “read” people is a skill that may be innate in some, but for others is only learned through hard-won lessons and sometimes disappointing or even bitter experiences.
That said, I’ve always personally gravitated towards people with a certain “richness of character,” who are multi-faceted (or at least give the appearance of being so), oftentimes iconoclastic in their own way, and more inclined to think for themselves rather than follow the herd. While this can be rewarding in terms of our interactions, it can lead at times to miscommunication, misunderstandings, or simply disagreements when either party stubbornly clings to a particular point of view.
Sometimes we have to make peace not only with the contradictions within ourselves but with others as well.
Separating our Wants vs. Our NeedsThe Rolling Stones famously coined the lyric, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you’ll find you get what you need.”
We can expend tremendous time and energy in pursuit of people and things that we want or have convinced ourselves that we want. With that in mind, it arguably is a good idea to give some thought to what we think we want and to be clear if this is truly the case, or if we are simply seeking a relationship with someone or possession of something for external validation. If we are completely honest with ourselves, how often have we found ourselves pursuing a relationship with someone, or a particular job because we thought that if we landed the relationship or the job, our lives would measurably be better? If we were successful in the pursuit, is this in fact what happened?
All too often, the things we want may fill a temporary desire or be motivated by factors that have less to do with well-thought-out requirements or necessities and more to do with outside influences. They may temporarily improve our quality of life or our perception thereof, but ultimately they are not indispensable. And consequently, we find ourselves disappointed or disillusioned in short order.
Needs, of course, are more basic and arguably less subjective, adhering to the Maslow Hierarchy and required for our continued existence. Without them, we either cannot live or will face serious challenges in attempting to do so. We need oxygen, we need water, we need food, we need sleep. Arguably, we need human contact as well and a sense that we are valued and that our lives somehow matter, at least to another living being. Some people are even content with keeping pets, perhaps preferring the company of animals to their fellow humans. Ultimately it boils down to love and acceptance because only a true misanthrope is capable of completely rejecting love from another.
Aligning our Values and Being True to OurselvesA perennial evergreen topic across social media channels it often seems are discussions about “authenticity,” which ironically enough, often deteriorate into something “other than,” in part due to the reality that social media is always curated. With rare exceptions, people reveal what they want to at a time and place of their choosing, whether that choice is consciously made or not. It has been my observation that those who pontificate about being “authentic” are oftentimes guilty of manufacturing what I sardonically refer to as “inauthentic authenticity” or, in other words, a flimsy facsimile of a narrative that they are trying to convey.
From my point of view at least, there is something decidedly unnatural and calculated about living one’s life very publicly and constantly broadcasting one’s activities and thoughts over social media. This invariably seems to add additional stress to one’s life and pressure to maintain a constant presence and online visibility and to consistently appeal to voyeuristic audiences. To each their own, but I’d rather remain something of an enigma or relatively unknown than subject myself to the judgment of those who don’t even know me.
That said, it would be hypocritical not to admit that I am often quite guarded in how I interact with people online and the information that I’m willing to share, at least publicly. This is for both pragmatic reasons and privacy, to whatever extent that still can exist, wanting to maintain some separation between career and personal life. Perhaps it is also a generational notion of not wanting to live my life online and not seeking approval or approbation from strangers.
No matter our personal philosophy, if we are attempting to live authentically, we do need to understand our core values and align them with our behaviors and the people and places that we associate with. And that ultimately brings us full circle, because life is indeed oftentimes messy, people are complex, and we all can find ourselves wrestling with not just our own contradictions arising from such complexities, but those of people we are drawn to and choose to spend time with.
Negativity is all around us. The news media never seems to have anything good to report, and many of the people you work with take joy in spreading negative messages about others or your workplace. It’s no wonder it gets more difficult by the day, to maintain a positive image.
But it can be done. We must learn how to reprogram ourselves in such a way as to filter out the negativity. It takes a commitment of time and change. You should not expect to improve your self-image outlook in a couple of days. It requires refocusing your energy towards positive thoughts.
People who want to have a more positive outlook on life need to be consistent in their practices. And there will be setbacks along the way. The key is to not let those setbacks derail your efforts. Just pick up from the setback and move forward.
You will need to create a program you can follow that will help you reposition negative thoughts into positive ones. This will require reading appropriate material on the subject. Amazon has plenty of books that can help. When choosing which books to read, try to choose ones that offer similar ideas so that you don’t get overwhelmed. If you don’t want to spend money initially, see if you can find the same books in your local library. This way, if they aren’t right for you, simply move on to the next.
Take a look through the table of contents of the books you are considering. Amazon has a Look Inside feature where they let you see the table of contents of most books that they offer. Look to see what topics are going to be covered and always be sure to read the reviews that are available. These can give you some great insight as to whether the books you select are going to help you with your goal of reshaping your negative thoughts into positive ones.
No amount of reading will be enough if you don’t put it to good use. As mentioned before, consistency is the key and you need to practice the skills that are being introduced to you. You will find that if you continue with your program, over time you will naturally have a more positive outlook and find that the naysayers become annoying to be around. When that happens, you are well on your way to keeping your positive self-image intact.
I’m traveling to Las Vegas this week after a week traveling to New York. Being on the road, away from home, and out of my usual routine requires me to pay more attention to my daily practices and way of being. It made me think of how important and yet simple it can be to live life consciously and enhance our experience of life.
Living a conscious life doesn’t have to be complicated or overwhelming. In fact, it’s the simple things we do every day that can make the biggest difference. By being mindful of our thoughts, actions, relationships, and behavior, we can bring alignment with our values and purpose. Doing so creates a life that is more meaningful and fulfilling.
Here are five simple, easy ways to live life more consciously, thereby helping to bring greater meaning and peace into your days.
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Start your day with intention.Take a few moments each morning to set your intentions for the day. When you start your day with intention, you are setting the tone for the rest of your day and aligning yourself with your values and goals.
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What do you want to accomplish?
- How do you want to feel?
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What kind of person do you want to be?
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Practice mindfulness.Mindfulness is the act of being present and fully engaged at the moment…observe your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings without judgment.
You can practice mindfulness every moment of your day. Feel the chair underneath you. Take a conscious breath. Hear your tone of voice. Feel the warm water on your hands as you rinse off dishes. When you are mindful, you are more centered and relaxed and therefore more able to make conscious choices aligned with who you want to be.
- Connect with nature.I walk my dog, Zozo, every day through a nature preserve. Nature grounds us and helps us to feel connected to something greater than ourselves.
Go for a walk in the park, or simply sit outside and take in the beauty of the world around you. Therapists in Europe often prescribe “Nature Therapy” due to the healing, and restorative benefits of being outdoors. When you are in nature, you are reminded of the wonder and beauty of life, and this can inspire you to live more consciously.
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Practice self-reflection.I start every day with “quiet time.” This is my time to meditate, pray, review my goals, set my daily intentions, and examine my thoughts, feelings, and actions. Engage in a practice such as journaling, meditation, or simply taking a few moments each day to reflect on your experiences and mood. By engaging in regular self-reflection, you can gain insight into your patterns of thinking and behavior, and make conscious choices that align with your values and goals.
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Know your values.One of the best ways to live consciously is to know yourself deeply. Reflect on and determine what 5 to 10 values you want to be your guiding principles in life, and then do all you can to live aligned with these values in all you do and say. Easier said than done, but I promise you, you will like yourself a whole lot more and feel better about your life.
Living a conscious life is about being present, aware, and intentional in everything you do. It’s about connecting with your values and making choices that align with them.
By practicing these tips, you can live a life that is more meaningful, fulfilling, and inspiring. Remember, the power of living consciously lies in the present moment, so embrace it and make the most of it.
A few months ago, while hiking a trail in the Keweenaw Peninsula of Upper Michigan, I noticed how effortlessly our group traversed the winding paths over rocks, under broken branches, through groves of trees, and along the water’s edge. What would have been a challenging route a hundred years ago today required little more than the ability to walk upright. As the trails twisted left or right, signs along the way pointed toward destinations of our choosing: South Shore, North Trail, Parking Lot
I noticed as we trudged through wooded areas the topography had dramatic variances. Even the stones we walked over differed in size from tiny pebbles to potato-sized rocks. Glancing left and right revealed patches of ground resembling trails but proved impassable due to overgrown brush and fallen logs.
What’s significant about a path?Such a striking difference between over-worn paths and overgrown paths. What is it that caused one path to emerge as the acceptable route for hiking while the other diverged into obscurity? The official trail could have been any of those passageways hidden under thick, overgrown foliage. The key to the worn path, the preferred path, the normal path is frequency. The hundreds of times that path was chosen over the other and the frequency of actions – steps multiplied. Repeated choices and repeated actions.
Start today: Repeat the choices and the action you want to be characteristic of your life.
Just as rugged terrain in the Keweenaw became a well-worn, passable trail, repeated travel and trampling by multiple feet for multiple years, our repeated choices and actions become ingrained habits of our existence. Habits are like our worn path.
To break a habit, get off that path.
To form a new habit, get on a new path.
Both are difficult. The reason is because habits form neural pathways in our brains. We, humans, crave the familiar and resist change, even if it’s good for us. While it is possible to break a habit or form a new one, expect it to take effort, because making new neural pathways is like forging a trail through overgrown brush and fallen trees. Expect some rocky moments, a few boulders, and even setbacks.
It helps to know your whyIt’s easy to say, “I want to spend 30 minutes outside every day.” or “I am going to read one book every month.” or “I’m going to exercise before /after work every day.” Those are good habits to form, but simply committing to them is a weak foundation.
The stronger foundation for any of those changes is know your why. Why do you want to make ‘that thing’ a path you continually trek every day or week? And there’s that nagging option of choice when you’d rather mindlessly watch TV than read a book. Staying inside on the couch is more appealing than putting on shoes and going outside.
Cement this thought into your conscious commitment. What do you want more? The familiar habit that drags you down or the new habit that raises you up.
What will you do to make that idea, action item, or goal a reality? Start small. It helps to have a Plan B to fall back on if Plan A gets a little fickle. Full transparency here, I have a Plan C….maybe even Plan H.
Remember. New habits are just hard.
Goal 1: PURSUE PEACE
I don’t have it all together. I am still working on new habits that by some standards are now old habits that I continually renew. Like this one, Pursue Peace
On my desk, I have a reminder of how to flood my soul with peace, so it carries over into my day-after-day life. Pursuing peace means the pieces of my day are Prayer, Exercise, Accountability, Contentment (gratitude), and Encourage.
Do I flawlessly make each of those pieces part of my day? No. But I know why my goal is to pursue peace and when I get off track, it’s easier to talk myself off the ledge of giving up.
My verse for this year is Philippians 4:8 and also verse 9.
Philippians 4:8-9 says: Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
A life of peace starts with thoughts that are peace-filled. Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right … start there.
Thoughts become Actions
Actions become Habits
Habits become Lifestyle
1Peter1: 6-8 says: Make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6 and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
I want you to take a moment to imagine yourself in the mirror.Look at yourself as you would look at a dear friend whom you have known your entire life. Feel the love and respect you feel towards them. Feel your kindness, compassion, and understanding for them, regardless of life circumstances.
Feel the empathy as you feel their heartache and pain, but can you encourage them to persevere and take a moment to celebrate their accomplishments and the wisdom they have acquired due to life experiences?
This week I want you to cultivate this love and kind relationship with that person in the mirror. Notice with curiosity and non-judgment if it is easy or difficult to do. Explore how you can encourage yourself to show self-compassion, kindness, and love towards yourself.
Remember, you are much bigger than the worst thing you have done. You should not be critical and harsh to someone you care for and love.
Why are you any different?
Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get–only with what you are expecting to give–which is everything.
~ Katharine Hepburn
Did you know that Esther Howland, the woman who produced the first commercially acknowledged American Valentine’s Day in the 1840s, sold a then mind-boggling $5,000 in cards during her first year of business? And that it is the celebration with the second-highest number of cards sold after Christmas?
What does this tell you? To me, it means that LOVE means a lot to us human beings.
We need love, both to get and to give. We turn toward it just like the sunflowers turning toward the Sun. Loving and being loved gives us motivation and happiness. That does not necessarily mean the love of a partner. It could also be love for children, parents, siblings, friends, pets, and even plants (you should see me talking to my plants with love and affection).
The ones we take most for granted deserve to hear our love and appreciation the most. Cherishing the loved ones we have in our lives, feeling gratitude for the love and acceptance they are showering us with, and in return, showing them that they mean everything to us, letting them know by explicitly telling them how precious they are to us would be the best way to celebrate the Valentine’s Day that is coming up in two days.
When my calendar hits February 14th, I do not only celebrate it with my husband. I also call my children, mom, dad, brother, and some very close friends. I let them know how much I love and appreciate them. And if you are not already, I invite you to do the same this Valentine’s Day.
I strongly believe that any excuse for giving love and feeling it in our hearts and minds is a good excuse. Use this opportunity to have a few extraordinary minutes with the meaningful people in your life and make them feel unconditionally loved this Valentine’s Day.
Every day is a gift. Celebrate each and every one of them with your darlings. Share your love openly. Today, on Valentine’s Day, and every day.
Psychologist Susan David shares how the way we deal with our emotions shapes everything that matters: our actions, careers, relationships, health, and happiness. In this deeply moving, humorous, and potentially life-changing talk, she challenges a culture that prizes positivity over emotional truth and discusses the powerful strategies of emotional agility. A talk to share.
As a child, you needed to survive emotionally!• You were so well trained to make use of quick fixes whenever you experience any uncomfortable feeling.
• You were taught your ‘negative’ feelings were not legitimate and needed to be instantly suppressed.
• You were erroneously told your vulnerability was a weakness.
• Your caregivers never explained to you that feelings were merely messengers. Moreover, they never modeled how to respect and honor one’s feelings, sit with them, embrace them, and go through them for a healthy release.
Appealingly, until we could find our trigger in adulthood — hopefully during this physical existence, we would continue to be clueless about the root causes of our hopelessness and helplessness, sadly enough.
Having a ‘Savior’ pattern, like most highly sensitive folks whose “free will” chose the unaware empath*** path when attempting to cope with their unfriendly environment, doesn’t make things any easier.
I am familiar with the trap. Interestingly, what is mind-blowing, to me, is that yielding my rescuer pattern, in general, has been more demanding than rewiring the major part of my subconscious program. The resistance has been fierce, to say the least.
I destroyed four belief levels and my innocence with them. I, respectively, replaced them by:
- Not all mortal beings are inherently good.
- Toxic inherently good people don’t deserve my investment.
- Even non-toxic ones wouldn’t earn a chance unless they asked for support/active ear explicitly.
- Trust is a shared responsibility in relationships. Fantasizing about the potential does not make it a reality. If one mistake destroys trust, then there has never been any built reserve in the first place. Investing and being consistent with your deposits doesn’t guarantee that the other person pays attention and considers it.
I explored the last belief level in detail here where I told the incident that triggered it, should it feel worthwhile: Trust Is a Shared Responsibility in Relationships.
Last wordsIf you can recognize yourself in today’s topic, I want you to know that I feel you! (Un)becoming the lifetime of conditioning filter and learning to reconnect with our authentic self is anything but something you learn overnight, particularly if you are a highly-sensitive empath!
Should you be armed with tons of self-awareness, humility, patience, bravery, and consistency, sooner or later, you will start seeing the fruits of the most rewarding investment of your whole existence: investing in your self-evolution so that your future version and the Universe would be grateful to you!
No matter what your self-bully might be telling you, don’t believe a single word! Your inner power is limitless and you have what it takes to break free. It’s only limited by your current belief system you never chose in the first place.
You always have the option to choose differently and I hope that you’ll go for it!
*** A very empathetic person with emotional weak boundaries who struggles to say no, who would please others at their expense, who would absorb their surroundings’ toxic energy and confuse others’ feelings with theirs.
In 1965, one of the most impactful musicals of all time hit the Broadway stage. “Man of La Mancha”, was a musical version of the story of Don Quixote. Late 16th-century Spanish writer Miguel de Cervantes was imprisoned. In prison, Cervantes dressed himself up as a character named Don Quixote. In short, Don Quixote fantasized about being a hero, defending the weak, and making a name for himself.
The song track for “Man of La Mancha” became famous for many of its tunes, but the most famous was “Impossible Dream.” This song was sung by Don Quixote about his fantasy life. I heard this song recently and one line has continued to stand out in my mind. Hence, this article was born! The line is, “are you willing to march into Hell for a heavenly cause”? The wording in this musical line is extremely powerful. The notion of walking into fire, chaos, danger, and Hell would make even the bravest person pause. Even more important, what are my causes, and would I be willing to March into Hell to defend those causes? The answer for me is a resounding yes! As we head into 2023, can I put some positive action toward my causes? As this song stated, would it not be positive for me to “right the unrightable wrong”? Would it not be better ”to run where the brave dare not go”?
It has been said that true, great leaders are often ordinary people doing extraordinary deeds! What can you do in the remaining months of 2023, to improve in some small way the lives of others? Think about the following tasks and determine if you can adopt just one of these heavenly causes.
- Help the elderly. Is there a Senior in your neighborhood, who could use some help with their yard work or shopping for groceries? Is there someone who is lonely and just needs to have some basic interaction and conversation?
- If you belong to a church, or service organization, look for additional opportunities to volunteer. These groups always need help, and many times it does not involve any specific skill.
- Become a Mentor. Young people, newly married couples, and folks in the workforce always need a person with experience to act as official, or unofficial Mentors. Your experience is your expertise! “Pay it forward”.
For 2023, continue to ask yourself, what are my causes? What causes can I adopt to help others? Are my causes heavenly causes? Are you willing to march into Hell to make these causes worthy? What a great 2023 we could all have with this single act of unselfish kindness.
The strategies of resistance and control that we’ve learned and practiced throughout our lives can leave us feeling trapped in limited and limiting patterns and stories. These strategies keep us frozen in the emotionally triggering charge associated with everything in relative reality, unable to experience life in a fully present way. Stuck in that insignificant place, in the stories we tell ourselves about “reality,” we miss out on what living genuinely is, which is the experience of wonder and awe right here in this moment.
To break free of these patterns and stories, we unlearn—we uncover our core false beliefs and integrate what we have hidden in shadow. And in so doing, we let go of the idea of a limited self, a self that is separate from Source. We let go of all our thought patterns, all our beliefs, all those behaviors that keep us small and separate. And in letting go, we come into the experience of The Great Remembering: The deeply felt knowing that we are one with Source. We have returned to our state of original perfection.
This kind of letting go is a powerful component of spiritual awakening. There’s more power in letting go, in yielding, and in redirecting energy than there is in resisting, controlling, and pushing back.
When we’re struggling with addiction, we’re resisting. We’re pushing back against our inner need to be present with ourselves in the moment. Addictive behavior is simply that—a resistance to presence, a strategy for avoiding what’s here now because it’s too painful or too shameful. Letting go in the context of addiction means not only releasing the idea that we are inherently broken and need to change, but also releasing all the strategies we’ve perfected for protecting what we perceive as our brokenness. The ultimate surrender is not surrendering those parts of us that are “bad,” but surrendering to who and what we are as whole and perfect. This is not about looking perfect on the outside; it’s about resting in that original perfection, the blueprint that we are as spiritual beings.
One of the beliefs that many of us are unlearning is that life is about identifying problems and figuring out how to fix them. Letting go opens a major shift in that paradigm; as we let go of the idea that life is a series of problems, we can choose to see that the only problem that exists is a problem in we hold in our minds. The only thing keeps us from waking up to the truth of who and what we are is the idea that we can’t wake up. The only thing that blocks us from enlightenment is the idea that we are blocked from enlightenment. For some people, this shift comes in an instant. For many of us, it’s a lifelong practice of questioning, unlearning, and growing in awareness of our deeper selves.
We should never let go of our dreams because they will never give up on us.
~Maria Lehtman
I was reminded this week again how important hope is. I lost a friend who was deeply grounded in nature and loved mountains. Had I not battled through the long goodbye to my mother, I would have been more shaken. Now I knew he was safely at the summit. I feel sad, but I know he would want me to stay at peace.
Hope is not only for others; it’s for everyone. The ones who walk towards the great gates to the beyond and the ones staying here.
Hope has a way of connecting people like an invisible network. It needs no words to be passed on.
When you are a leader, your mission extends to gestures that kindle the light in people. How to keep them dreaming and innovating. How to fill them with hope no matter the circumstances.
I’ve had a long break in story writing. Three years, in fact. The time I needed to find solid ground for my own hope. I had setbacks and grief that took me on a journey I mostly walked alone. But as I tend to say, we walk alone but never without guidance.
I miss my friend. But he taught me about the meaning of hope against all odds. To be grateful. To respect people. To honor life.
My next story is being edited as we speak. It has a home in a book by my dear friend Char (Charlotte) Murphy, Esq. I look forward to sharing more about it.
Wherever you are in life, know that there is always someone who knows you and accepts you just as you are. We are not looking for people who do not feel – but people who can understand how important teams and ecosystems are.
The feelings make our missions real to us.
Stay safe, Friends
I haven’t been near Matterhorn for a long while, but I’ve always loved the scene that I captured. I’ll meet you at the base camp!
Author’s Note: In last week’s post, I shared the words of my sister, Lynn, at my mother’s passing. These are my own.
My mother passed away on January 19th. In the weeks leading up to her passing, as she wasted away from dementia, unable to eat or drink, I found myself thinking about dreaming. And I created the two videos that appear in this post. At first, I didn’t know why I was thinking about dreaming or creating videos about it. But I think I do now.
My dad was what you might call a presence. (The photo in the post linked here was taken after he was sworn in as First Selectman in Old Lyme, Connecticut, where he and my mom lived at the time. I was photobombing because I’d managed his campaign.) He was social, outgoing, the quintessential gregarious Irishman. He loved being engaged. He was President of the Connecticut Jaycees, 1958-1959. He was involved in Civitan when they lived in Meriden, Connecticut. When they moved to Old Lyme, he was on the Planning and Zoning Commission before being elected First Selectman.
In 1998, they moved to Murrell’s Inlet, South Carolina. They lived in a golf community called Indigo Creek. As soon as he was able — and when he wasn’t on the links with the neighborhood pals he quickly met — he served on the community’s Drainage Committee. And when he wasn’t doing either of those things, he and another crew of his buddies would shuttle cars around the Carolinas and Georgia for Hertz. He was really good at everything except doing nothing.
They moved back, to Madison, Connecticut, in 2011. The pattern continued.
And Then …Mom’s life was Dad. When he played golf, she’d get up at 0:Dark:30 to make his breakfast. (None of Dad’s golf pals could believe she did that.) When he went to Drainage Committee meetings, she’d stay home. When he drove for Hertz, she’d stay home. When they socialized, they did it together after Dad made all the arrangements.
Mom’s devotion to Dad was wonderful, of course. But when Dad passed away, my siblings and I were shocked to see how lost she was. She’d never made a life for herself. She held a number of jobs, part- and full-time. But she never had a sense of herself. She never found a cause, a purpose, or a calling. If she dreamed of things, of doing things, she never followed those dreams or pursued them in any meaningful or fruitful way.
The first time I went to have dinner with Mom after Dad passed, she was cutting peaches to make one of her favorite desserts: baked peaches with brown sugar and maple syrup. She was crying. When I asked why, she said, “Dad always used to cut the peaches.” It was heartbreaking.
The MoralClichés abound: You have to stay active as you age. You have to remain occupied. You have to keep your mind and your body stimulated. You have to continue to create new neural pathways to keep your brain from stultifying. All true. But more than anything, you need to have a purpose. You need to have a dream.
Over the course of a lifetime, different things may get you out of bed in the morning. But if you take them one at a time, you’ll always have at least one thing worth getting up for. And the more you dream, the more you’ll have.
By reading to me as a child, you gave me the dream of being a writer, Mom. I’m a writer. I wish you’d been able to do more dreaming.
Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep it, but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it you can never get it back.
~Harvey Mackay
I have come to learn that life unfolds like a book; some things we anticipate, most are unpredictable, and the players and landscape can change without warning. Although we may have little control over specific circumstances, we do have full accountability in how we respond.
Life is complicated, it is easy, it is beautiful, it is messy, and can be hard when tough things happen all at once…
Our son and his girlfriend were in a ‘car rage’ incident, and the other driver pulled a gun and shot at them, with the bullet going through the back passenger window. They are not harmed but traumatized.
My dear friend’s Mother just passed away suddenly from natural causes. She is heartbroken and is now a Motherless Daughter.
Our son’s best friend would have been 30 years old this week. Sadly, he committed suicide and never saw this day.
Tyre Nichols lost his life at the brutal hands of police officers in Memphis Tennessee. A senseless, sad, and horrific act that is repeating itself without change.
As I sit and ‘feel the feels’ of trauma and loss, there is a common thread that binds:
Your life can change instantly without warning.
There is a keen awareness for me now around, living and dying, beginning and endings and what happens in-between.
Although I cannot change what has happened, I know that time is non-refundable, and I want to make it count.
So, for today, I am laser-focused on:
Moments Matter: To be completely present with my own feelings, my surroundings, my intentions and stay highly present and engaged in every interaction. Connection and belonging are key for those I love the most – I want them to hear and feel my heart.
Intentional Mindfulness: There is time we control and time we waste. Where am I feeling disconnected? Disengaged? Aligned? Centered? Joyful? My hope is to have more clarity on how I am using the time I have with this life that was given to me.
Inviting Courage to the Table: Finding the courage to soar and the courage to fail. Creating more opportunities to explore new activities, conversations or adventures that take me to my growing edges. Hoping to look back with no regrets because fear was the cornerstone.
How often have we looked backwards with some sense of remorse or regret? Unresolved forgiveness, words unspoken, dreams that dwindled, love held but never shared?
How will you spend your time today?
What is personal power? Many people shy away from the power word. In their minds, they conjure up the image of a bully or a business take-over, a victim and a victor. Power over others is not true personal power. Instead, it can cover-up not really feeling powerful.
Personal power doesn’t impose its will on others. Rather it’s about standing up to and for you, knowing your own worth and recognizing your gifts.
When you have personal power, you don’t have to brag or swagger. You feel good about yourself despite the human flaws and foolish mistakes that you’ve made along the way. And more often than not, you can laugh at those mistakes and at yourself.
Here are steps to achieve personal power.Know what you’re good at and develop a sense of personal pride or self-dignity. Valuing you and the wondrous miracle that you are with all your emotions, a vast intellect, a body and mind that can self-regulate and heal is essential. Recognize the limitless potential inside you and the ability that you have for growth, expansion and transformation. Appreciate them and you.
A while ago, I was a guest on a podcast and spoke about the many ways that we can practice self-appreciation. Treat yourself with the same respect you generate to others. So often we demand the impossible of ourselves and build up an idea of perfection that’s impossible to reach. When we don’t meet our high expectations, we feel that we’ve failed. Realize that’s not failure at all. Would we do the same for a friend or a young child? Not really. Instead, we would encourage and cheer them on.
Honor you by taking personal time and caring for you on all levels – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Find activities and people that give you a sense of pleasure and add meaning and value to your life. Surround yourself with people and situations that support and nurture you and be sure to do the same for them.
Let go of the victim role and help to rid the world of victim consciousness by looking within. Realize that you’re not a mere spectator. You play a major role in the world and in global outcomes with your thoughts and actions. The confidence that you have is tied to a sense of purpose. When you know who you are and why you’re here, accomplishing your goals is easier and life is more worthwhile.
Keep the promises that you’ve made to you and don’t waver in your self-commitment despite the fears and doubts that may creep in. Envision your future and hold tight to that empowered image with intention and clarity no matter what.
Self-appreciation doesn’t give you license to neglect others or be selfish. Living responsibly is about making a contribution, large or small. When we are empowered, we can be generous with our power and share it with others in service, kindness and compassion.
Surrender: This seems like a paradox when speaking of personal power. Yet when we know that the source of our power is inside and in something more than just us, we can tap into that Creative Potential that is both universal and personal.
In surrendering, you develop a sense of inner peace to help you stay on course. When internal and external conflicts pop up and they will, you can release them and turn them over to your Higher Power. When you do, it’s not reneging on your responsibility. Rather it’s acknowledging that you need support. There’s something wonderfully freeing in that realization and in letting go. With it, are the ongoing trust and belief that it will be taken care of.
Accept life’s surprises, embrace change and adversity by practicing flexibility. Trust that you are guided to whatever you need. Take action, yet release your need to always control. When you are open to receive, you are ready to invite in the miracles: They will come.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to follow your dreams and do something totally out of your usual realm of possibilities? How would it feel? What would people think of you for doing it?
When I was 19 years old, I got that chance.
I was sitting in my university residence room, looking through some of my belongings in my desk drawer, and I started reading an article my mum had clipped out of the newspaper a year earlier. My parents often gave me interesting articles they found in their local paper. This particular article I remember getting, and had thought it interesting enough that I didn’t throw it out and still had it in my drawer a year later.
It was an article about a bicycle trip across Canada that you could sign up to do. It said anyone of average physical fitness could do the trip if they put in the training. It wasn’t for just very good cyclists; the headline was, “You can pedal across Canada”.
How many times had I seen an article or news story about someone doing something interesting like that? Perhaps it was someone climbing a mountain, or rowing across an ocean. These stories are an everyday part of life.
When I read stories like this, I usually think, “That is pretty neat…I would love to do something like that…but I couldn’t do something like that…stuff like that happens to other people, not me.” Other people do that. Not me. I live my life normally. I don’t go out of my comfort zones like that. What would people think of me if I did that?
At the end of the article there was a phone number to call if you wanted more information about the trip. It was 1991. There was no website to peruse. I sat in my chair and thought about what I had just read. This happens to other people, not me. In a very short period of time, perhaps seconds, maybe just mere minutes, another thought entered my head. Maybe I could do this. Then I picked up my phone and called the number.
The phone rang. Someone on the other end answered. They told me about the trip for a bit. Then they said they could mail me a package with more information about the trip. I said, yes, please, send me the package. I had picked up the phone, talked to someone briefly on the other end, and asked for more information. Pretty simple, right? That little step was not little. I felt pretty cool for having done that. It was totally out of character for me. I wasn’t even a cyclist! Who am I to say I could bicycle across the country?
I had made zero commitments and had spent zero money. A pretty simple action.
Then the day came when the package arrived in my mailbox. I took the package down to the campus meal hall and started reading through the booklet while I ate my dinner. This was neat. Here I was, thinking about bicycling across Canada. The trip cost about $2000 to do. For only a few hundred dollars, you could reserve a spot on the trip for the next summer. I sent them the money. I started telling people I had signed up to do the trip.
I sat in my university residence room, went to classes for the next 5 months and in April the next year, started the training. I trained through until the start of the trip in late June. I flew out to Vancouver, British Columbia, where the trip would begin. I spent a week with some of my relatives, who lived in Vancouver, before the trip began.
At the end of the week, on the first day of the trip, my alarm went off. Up until this point, I was someone who was going to bike across Canada. In the future. “Going to bike across Canada”. I wasn’t that person who had bicycled across Canada. Now I was someone who by the end of the day was supposed to have biked 100 km outside Vancouver on the way to the Atlantic Ocean. Not in the future. Not tomorrow. Today.
My uncle drove me to the starting location of the trip and I thought, “What am I doing?” This was so out of character for me. I had never done anything like this before. I was nervous, but it was a controlled nervousness. We arrived at the location, the lobby of a building at one of the universities in the city. The truck that would carry our gear was parked outside. I would go through the introductory meeting with the group, say goodbye to my uncle, and then we would all go outside to start putting our belongings in the truck.
For the most part, we were all strangers to each other. There were 46 of us. I was normally a shyish person, but here I was forced to talk to people. I got talking to Jill, a girl close to my age, and one of us asked the other if we wanted to bike together. Other people were doing the same, forming groups who would start biking together.
This was not a race. People could go at their own pace. I watched as some of the groups started biking and heard their shouts of excitement as they began this long journey.
Eventually Jill and I had our things packed in the truck and were ready to go. I got on my bike and took the first pedal stroke. I travelled about a meter or so. The Atlantic Ocean seemed unbelievably far away. I don’t remember the second pedal stroke, or the third, or any other single pedal stroke of the millions I took across the continent. That pedal stroke seemed so small. Whoever created the phrase, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”, I believe, had taken that journey themselves.
Now I was someone who was biking across Canada. And by the end of the day I had biked the 100 km outside Vancouver to the campground where we would stay for the night.
I was biking across Canada!
It is amazing what a simple phone call can do. It is amazing how things can snowball. It is amazing what a person is actually capable of doing.
I was amazed at how much easier the bike trip was than I thought it would be! Yes, it wasn’t just a trip around your neighbourhood, but the article was right: anybody of average physical fitness can do the trip. This wasn’t meant for super-humans. This was meant for you and me.
By the end of the summer we had made it to St. John’s, Newfoundland, over 7000 km from Vancouver. I didn’t want the trip to end. I loved the experience and wanted to keep biking. But I had to go back to my studies, a degree I wasn’t enjoying that much.
About 2 years after I finished the trip, I was diagnosed with schizophrenia.
The physical and mental pain was terrible. I often thought to myself in the early days of the disease, “If I can bicycle across Canada, maybe I can get through schizophrenia.” The confidence I gained from doing the trip was a feather in my cap. A notch in my belt. A tool in my toolkit.
I don’t know for sure what it was that allowed me to keep going and fighting for my life and trying to get my health back. I had other factors in my life that helped me. I took my medication, I had no problems with substance abuse, I had supportive friends and family. But doing the trip was the first time I tackled something really big, and the next time I had to tackle something really big was surviving schizophrenia.
Sometimes you never know what life has in store for you. I never thought I would be someone who did a long-distance bicycle trip across a continent. I never thought that doing the trip would then become something that gave me hope during years of suffering with a mental illness.
You never know where a phone call can take you. Maybe I could do this. Maybe is a powerful idea.
I am 48 now and my bike trip is a long time ago. I am healthy and happy and no longer suffer from the torment of the disease. I am not cured of the disease, but it is in “remission”, for lack of a better term.
Is there something you desperately want to do, but are afraid of it? Are you afraid of what people will think of you if you decided to do it?
If you decide to do it, you may be surprised by how much easier it is than you thought, by how fun it is, by how it can help you further down the road.
You only get one chance at life. One chance at today.
“Life is a tapestry that we are continually weaving minute by minute, second by second. Thought by thought, action by action. Years can go by and you look back and look at what you wove. Will you be happy with what you’re weaving?
Do something that would be out of character for yourself. Make the first brush stroke on your tapestry for the next chapter of your life.
Is that something you could do?
Author’s note: While what follows appears in my column, under my byline, I didn’t write it. It was written by my older sister, Lynn. Lynn would tell you she’s not a writer. She’d be wrong. This is the eulogy she delivered at our mother’s funeral on January 26th. I would not have been able to summon such eloquence and poignancy. Given some of the more challenging aspects of our upbringing, I would not have been able to summon such humility and grace. Regular readers of my ravings know I live a life full of blessings. Lynn is chief among them. You’re about to know why.
Good Morning
Thank you everyone for being here. My brothers and I appreciate your support as we say goodbye to our mother – and share a short time this morning to highlight her long lifetime. She had quite a run.
Mother was born into a Meriden that was a humming little slice of classic hometown America. It seems like a time long, long ago, and a place far away. America was on the cusp of the Depression, but I don’t really remember her talking about hard times or need. Instead, she often reminisced about her active, happy early years. Many of her childhood friends remained her life friends — played as kids together then raised their kids together. She had the good fortune to be part of the large extended families of both her parents. And what a gift it was (for generations of us) to have grown up amid the one-in-a-million Nelson clan. It’s Fourth of July somewhere … [that’s a reference to picnics the Nelson clan had on the Fourth of July for decades].
An only child, she lost her father too soon, but her doting mother was always a part of our lives, always there for us — and we all adored her. Grandma Nelson was the best. Mom missed her dearly, speaking about her mother and her childhood home in random ruminations until her own last days.
Mother didn’t work outside the home until I was a teen. And while seemingly not really career driven, she put high value on her varied experiences. At the top of the list were her many years managing the office for Mike Conroy’s surgical practice. She was pretty proud of her contributions and accomplishments.
Mom also took great pride in making a home for her family and was unabashedly proud of keeping it eat-off-the-floor clean. That was not necessarily a gene passed on to me.
She would have been the first to tell you about enjoying a “good drink”. Last year while hospitalized for repair and treatment for a no-kidding fall injury [three displace rib fractures], an ICU nurse asked her if she wanted something to drink. Out of her critical-care delirium, Mom shot back, “I’ll have a gin and tonic”. She did pass along that gene.
A couple of quirks — we all have them.
But here’s her real story …
Along with whatever other roles, for almost all of her nearly 95 years, my mother most identified as the ‘Jan’ in the ‘Ned and Jan’. From that Sadie Hawkins Dance to his last moment, she was all about my father. Married and parents at nineteen, they both worked selflessly and tirelessly for the years it took to provide for the four of us and launch us to find our own ways in the world. Then, the two of them were able to focus on planning their own later years together. They were thrilled to build the house in Old Lyme where they spent many years with friends and family. Then, after 15 years of real retirement time beaching and golfing in their happy place, Myrtle Beach, they came back to Connecticut.
In his last few years, Dad was already helping Mother compensate for early signs. When he left us not too long after their return, Mother was then navigating unfamiliar waters without her compass. And her grief was compounded by the daunting awareness and denial of her own cognitive decline.
Over time, such a journey evolves into a different, personal story for each affected individual. We know our own story as we lived it. Others have theirs.
Today, ours is not the grief of shock. We have all along the continuum of Mom’s changes tried to make sense of our own losses in our own ways.
The steady progression has brought us here — here to the church where my brothers and I were raised in the Faith and Mother was Confirmed to join us, and here again, today for Mass celebrated with the hope she found the promised eternal happiness and peace.
I know she found Dad.
Have you ever noticed how difficult it is to receive a compliment, without deflecting, defusing, or refusing it?Because genuine compliments, given with a genuine intent, very often shine a light on the deeply intimate and vulnerable parts of ourselves, that we often keep hidden lest we be seen as our whole, true selves, which by the very definition of being human, have almost certainly been judged, wounded or rejected.
So, paradoxically considering how much we all need to be accepted and loved, this means that we hide huge parts of who we really are, with the false belief that we will be more loved and more accepted, when it just means we are less understood and as a result, less loved.
And this can often be seen in the difficulty that so many of us face in simply accepting a genuine compliment – because we have hidden or forgotten about our beautiful parts, because we put them away lest they get broken.
We talk about being grateful yet we seem to think that is a one-way street, it is not – we can and should receive as well as give gratitude, otherwise, how can we ever learn to see the good in ourselves from another’s perspective?
We talk about being humble yet we seem to think this has to entail forgoing any recognition of our strengths, or kindness, or compassion – it does not, it simply means we receive it as it is given, it does not need to be analysed, justified or exaggerated.
So, in fact, learning to hear and then embrace compliments are at the very essence of being grateful and humble, because not only have you inspired another to want to give you that compliment, you have accepted it with grace and therefore shown the other person that their words matter and that they have been heard.
It’s ok to receive and embrace a compliment, in fact, it’s a sure sign that you are allowing yourself to be fully seen and that is how we can all learn to be loved and indeed to love others.
How is a cancer journey in Australia, as compared to the US? I had no idea! Thanks to a beautiful human being from “down under” named Dane McCormack, I had the privilege and true honor of getting a glimpse into his world! Dane’s story is incredible, but more incredible is the person that Dane is! After all that he has been through, I am truly mesmerized at his attitude, his spirit, and his beautiful presence! Dane was in the hospital for a year, and had several parts of his body surgically removed. Yet, he has a wonderful and refreshingly positive attitude! Join us for this unique virtual journey “down under” to hear this amazing man!
I am Kind and JoyfulThink back. Do you remember the day you realized you were in control of your thoughts? Prior to my recent deep dive into mindset, this simple statement: “Whatever Follows I AM Follows You” was completely unknown to me. I was also informed — now that I’d read that statement — I was required to add only positive words behind it. Just as you can’t un-ring a bell, I couldn’t get it out of my head, the constant clang, clang, clang rang on as the phrase tumbled around in my brain. I ruminated on it for days until I settled into this truth: Whatever follows I am is not only who I am now, but who I will be going forward.
It was choice. I hadn’t considered that I could choose who I was going to be just by changing what I told myself. I tried many iterations of it. I AM a woman. I AM a daughter. I AM a nurse. I AM a mom. I AM a wife. Those initial words were clear statements for me. I was comfortable owning them.
But other words I wore just as comfortably were not my own. They were negative, mean-spirited, painful words, stupid, dumb, weirdo, idiot, ugly, not good enough. Yes, I owned and used those words on myself daily. Those untruths that others told me had become my words too. The clanging of those hateful words tumbled louder with my newfound saying, Whatever Follows I AM Follows You.
How could this be? Could I really change who I was by changing what I told myself? I’d been comfortable wearing those negative words for years. Go from being meanspirited to kind? Is that possible?
Isn’t it interesting how we rarely consider the power of our words, especially when we use them on ourselves? But the majority of the population goes through their day criticizing themselves, just as I had, for their perceived lack. How few people use their words to consistently elevate themselves. Imagine being as kind to yourself as you would be to your grandmother, or a stranger. What If… I wondered. What if I allowed myself to think positive thoughts?
I started small, and quietly, internally, definitely not out loud. Whatever Follows I AM Follows You. I AM ok. I AM nice. I AM helpful. Nothing drastic. I repeated, I AM aware that my thoughts create my reality, and whatever follows I AM, follows me. Gradually, a shift started. Wow, perhaps this could be true! Then, I became a bit bolder. I began saying positive words to myself while looking in a mirror. Who was this person peering back at me? The one with tears in her eyes just hearing, I AM Brave. I AM Bold. I AM Confident. I AM Worthy. I AM Enough.
That was the day my dear, supportive mate arrived behind me to say, “No, my sweet love, you are not just enough, You Are More Than Enough.” Since that day I use my positive words like a badge honor.
This transformation began several months ago. I now sing it from the mountaintop, because I know if I, a woman with 60+ years of inner critic and a harsh imposter perched on her shoulder can stand in front of people as a keynote speaker, published author, and proud spokesperson of Own Your Value, You Are More Than Enough, is able to say I AM Competent, Powerful, Successful, then you can too!
For those of you who already Own Your Value, congratulations, I’m proud of you. For those who aren’t there yet, lean on the faith I have in you, and begin. The process isn’t a sprint; it’s a marathon, and it’s for the rest of your life. Twice daily, like brushing your teeth, I AM….
The kindness I’ve gifted to myself has brought me more joy than I can say. I love the new me, and so does everyone else. It’s nothing short of a miracle that I created myself.
Join me. It’s available to you too.
Drink in this image as the reflection of the light on the water reminds us that the extraordinary can be found in the ordinary.
Bedford river at sunrise ~ Kate GriffithsOver the last couple of weeks I have been diving into a course in miracles, a book that was published anonymously and whose author was not revealed until after her death at her request. She was not interested in fame which she realised is illusory. Her main focus was to help humanity wake up from the illusion that life presents. She claimed that the book was channelled through by Jesus. And it is incredibly enlightening in terms of what it reveals. And I continue to dip into Richard Rohr’s Divine-inspired work to gain insights.
My sense is that at this time I am being asked to sit in prayer or meditation more frequently to determine what is next for me. I have felt the need to let go of a great deal of what I have been doing in my business to allow space to see what wants to emerge. At times this level of not knowing feels terrifying. And yet in other ways it is revealing more of the path. Let me share an example with you.
I have been aware of a shift in my business both in terms of what I have an appetite to offer and what’s happening within my client base. My old self would have probably struggled with all this uncertainty and change and placed all sorts of interpretations on why this was happening. Instead what I am noticing is that as I follow my heart, other revenue-generating options are showing up.
I have had some new client referrals come in which is lovely and potentially a couple of new strands of work that I am exploring. And a former client said no to one offer and asked me if I would be willing to do some one to one work with them.
How is that happening?The whole premise of a course in miracles is that only love is real and anything else you are feeling is unreal. The challenge is that for many this is too hard a concept to grasp because of our learnt behaviour over years and the conditioning that we have experienced. Our survival patterns are such that we are hard-wired to negativity so when things do not go the way we want then we tend to think the worst!
When I was going through the process of what next and continuing with my daily practice including the walking of my dog Benji, I opened myself to love by sitting in my heart and letting the light in. And then undertook aligned action.
One of the steps I tookIt came to me to visit a friend who had been ill for a long time to drop off my version of a ready meal. I hadn’t planned to stay but she asked me to return after my dog walk for a coffee. We spent two hours chatting and connecting. She introduced me to Dutch wafers that are warmed over your coffee which was delicious. At the end of our time together she commented on how much more positive she felt and I left feeling lighter in my being too.
Getting the rhythm of being and doing in balance for yourself is not easy. If you don’t set an intention nothing will happen likewise if you take no action and hope it will all come through meditation. It is a combined effort. The following quotation may help:
We must listen, wait, and pray for our charism and call. Most of us are really only good at one or two things. Meditation should lead to a clarity about who we are and, maybe even more, who we are not.
~Richard rohr
The last part of his quotation reminds me of something a friend said to me recently: I pray that God will slam the door shut if an opportunity is not right for me. It helps to receive guidance on both elements.
I had an amazing experience when I spent 10 minutes doing the following practice offered by Teresa Blythe. If you try it be open to receiving guidance through visions or images; it is unlikely to be a voice from on high. It may also simply be a feeling of deeper peace. I was very lucky and felt that I was administered to by Jesus himself.
Teresa Blythe practice…
- Resolve to be in prayer for at least five minutes. Do not answer the phone or allow yourself to be distracted from your goal.
- Be seated and say to yourself, “Here I am seated, doing nothing. I will do nothing for five minutes” (or longer, depending on the time you set for yourself).
- Begin noticing your own bodily presence—how your body feels next to the chair; how your feet feel against the floor. Relax your body. Notice what you feel inside.
- Now notice the presence of all that is around you. Say to yourself, “Here I am in the presence of the room (garden, chapel, wherever you are).” Be aware of the furniture, walls, and any pets or people in the room. Just be present and silent in your environment. Relax even more.
- Now say to yourself, “Here I am in the presence of God.” Repeat silently to God, “Here I am.” Bask in the presence of the Holy One until your time goal has been reached.
If you do undertake the practice please drop me a line and let me know what came up for you. To deepen it you may wish to start by spritzing a Colour Mirrors essence onto each hand and into your aura.
And if you love the idea of exploring this further email me at kate@wholeselfleadership.com to find out more about my retreat on 5 Feb.
A wonderful way to begin each New Year is by getting complete with the things in the past. You can write down troubling habits, personality qualities that you do not espouse, problems, and concerns on a sheet of paper and burn them in a bowl or fireplace. Watching them dissolve into flames is a way of reclaiming your power over your inner world.
After doing so, we must then fill the void by beginning to create newly so that we move into 2023 with greater clarity, grounding, and peace.
I often think that what we’ve been taught about visioning is somehow wrong, or at the very least incomplete. Visioning, in how we’ve been taught to conceive of it, means thinking about what things you want to do, create, and accomplish in the new year.
I’m all about contribution, so I do love that, but what I know is if that’s the only way you think about your year, it will leave you hollow, empty, and unfulfilled.
See, you can create the grandest vision of what you want to accomplish.
You can travel the world.
Land the new perfect job.
Find the love of your life.
Drop 15 pounds.
Buy the new, hot car
… and still be left unfulfilled.
Disconnected.
Empty.
So perhaps there’s another way…
In Christian text, the book of Romans 12:2 tells us:
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
When you are committed to your spiritual growth, to living your highest essence, to being a loving person… you cannot be conformed to this world but you must commit to renewing your mind.
What does it mean to renew your mind?
Well for the new year, let’s imagine that instead of another year trying to lose weight and make more money – we focus on who and how we are going to BE instead of what we are going to do.
You see being is the foundation of doing.
You will only act according to what you value and what you believe.
So instead of:
I’m going to travel the world; I’ll BE interested the people and places right where I am.
I’m going to make more money; I’ll BE grateful for all that I have each moment of every day.
I’m going to spend more time with family; I will BE more present to everyone everywhere.
Your DOING results from you BEING
And your BEING results from what you value.
So while I was writing this post, I had a glitch with my computer where I lost hundreds of files. Just PPT and videos… 10 years’ worth of them. Gone.
I had to decide in that moment who I was going to be.
I did everything I could to retrieve them.
Hours on line with tech support.
Called my tech team.
Nothing.
They are gone.
As I absorbed the reality of this, I started to feel free. Perhaps the past teachings no longer fit me. The past is over. I am free to let the new creation begin. How apt for the beginning of this year.
Charles Fillmore, the co-founder of the Unity movement, once wrote,
You are the creator of your own world, and the beauty and glory of it all is that the creative power is within you.
The past is gone. It is no longer representative of who you are. You are fee to create newly. So now it’s your turn.
WHO YOU WILL BE IN 2023!What way of being do you want to bring to your…
Career
Home
Relationships
Finances
Health and well being
You can create your life from the inside out, choosing each moment how you will be in the face of your life circumstances.
This is your ticket to freedom and personal power.
There have been times over the years when my family has had to take two cars to get someplace. Inevitably, this leads to a race. To be honest, I don’t like this. It just seems to me that the race becomes reckless. I struggle with each driver taking a little more risk and hoping to get lucky with the traffic lights and more.
This competition seems to encourage faster speeds, breaking the law and doing things a driver would not (and perhaps, should not) normally do. While at times in the past, I have participated in these races, I have found more recently that I do not find them enjoyable and I no longer want to participate.
You may think I am negative or just being silly, and you may be correct. However, the real reason I am choosing to no longer participate in these races is because I do not believe in relying on luck. In my life, I truly want to win!
Recently, a friend of mine shared something about winning with me. She told me the word “Win” can be an acronym to help us live a better life. She said “WIN” means “What’s Important Now.” I loved this and could not stop thinking about it.
Let’s face it! We live in a very distracting and distracted world. There are so many things clamoring for our attention every day. It is too easy to get off track and forget what matters most. This line from the 1983 movie, Mr. Mom has been a favorite quote of mine:
“It’s real easy to forget what’s important, so don’t!”
You all know from my columns that I have strong feelings about distracted driving! You know even more that I am on a crusade against distracted living. Never in the history of the world have we had more things to divert us from what really matters most!
It is critical for us to learn to focus on what is important now!
It is too easy to neglect our kids for our cell phones. It is much too tempting to “pop in a movie” instead of having a conversation or playing a game. It is simpler to go to dinner and a movie (while staring into our phones) and not be engaged in meaningful dialogue and activity.
I find if I ask myself, “Jim, What’s important now?” I am better able to reflect on the best activities I could be engaged in. Granted, I do not always do what is best or most important, but I am striving so to do. I want to do what is best—what is most important right now.
You can see it all around us! People everywhere have forgotten what is truly important now! Let’s not be that way!
Let’s not hope we get lucky and have our kids turn out to be responsible adults. Let’s focus on what is most needful now and act upon it. Let’s be intentional parents who take the time to really teach and love our children!
Let’s not just hope we get lucky and have our marriage be wonderful and fulfilling! Let’s take the most important actions today that will build, enrich, and strengthen this most important relationship!
Let’s not just hope we get lucky in the workplace and have all the raises and recognition we wish for. Let’s be deliberate about improving ourselves and our productivity by doing what is priority work!
Let’s not just hope we get lucky and have a life of health and strength! Let’s get off the couch, log off the internet, exercise, and improve our diet. Let’s focus on taking care of ourselves today!
Let’s not just hope we get lucky and have the happiness we long for. Let’s get our heads into good books, take time to replenish our reserves, and work hard to be happy now!
It is so easy to just head down the road of life, racing each other to get where we need to go and not really take any thought for what is most important right now. Let’s stop the racing! Let’s stop the rushing to get somewhere before someone else.
Let’s all take a small moment regularly to pause and ask “What’s important now?” and then take those actions. Let’s really WIN at life!
Suddenly I was awake and surrounded by a host of doctors and nurses in the middle of the night. Pain in chest and both arms. Fear and fascination competed within as awareness began to crystallize. One doctor said to another, we need to anesthetize before we shock. Ventricular tachycardia was in control of my heart rhythm, reducing pumping capacity to a minimum. Will I survive or is this my last memory? There was no shining light or other-worldly phenomena. The calm and kind face of one physician had the effect of calming me and is my last memory of this event. Then it was morning…
Fortunately, I was in one of the world’s best cardiac care facilities, recovering from a heart attack three days prior. Doctors told me the struggle went on for 18 minutes while they salvaged life from a wounded heart. Grateful is a feeble expression of what I feel about how this team of people, in the midst of chaos, did all the right things to preserve a life.
On the best medications, with world-class medical processes followed, amidst giants of cardiac care, I did not expect to be touring the valley of the shadow of death. When I went to sleep the night before, all seemed well. Then fate injected a surprise ushering me to a place I’d never been.
Why? Where is the opportunity in this crisis? When will my last moment come? How should I then live?
The reality in this valley of death is whatever you’ve done is on record, can’t be changed. So if your record is this man or woman cared and shared, kudos will likely come. If how people will remember you is self-centered and indulgent, nothing can change that view.
Without falling into the trap of self-adulation or self-effacement, I am on a mission to lift more than I need to be lifted, to love more than expected, and to celebrate the good and joys of life more than ever.
No big change, just a different level of commitment emerging from this experience – an audit of my mission complete with compliances and discrepancies. I am fortunate to have had such an experiential audit and then live on to improve from its findings.
It is all upside if any reader can somehow vicariously join me in elevating life for those you influence.
I was listening to Megyn Kelly today. She hosts a talk show and podcast, The Megyn Kelly Show, that airs live daily on SiriusXM. (She is one of my daily sources for what’s going on in the world.) She wasn’t shy about her irritation with a group of NYU students who apparently complained that their organic chemistry professor was too hard. The students that signed the petition against him complained that their grades did not reflect the effort they put in. As a result, the university fired him claiming that he had failed to meet the university’s teaching standards. He was a long-time professor and the author of a well-regarded textbook on the subject so I assume he knew his shit. The little whiners won.
I have heard many stories like this one about Gen Zs (anyone born from 1997 onward according to Pew Research) and their sniveling, entitled, and sensitive ways. My first reaction was screw you little whiners (OK boomer). The truth is at fifty-eight I know more than I did at twenty-eight and I think most of us can agree that experience in life leads to wisdom (most of the time). You can’t get there without passing through each generation, making mistakes, paying your dues, and learning on your own. It’s the natural path in life. Generations are famous for not understanding each other. It’s nothing new, but it’s my first-time being part of the “other,” “older” generation.
As a gerontologist, I am fascinated by cohorts and how each new generation is impacted by unique circumstances shared by people who were born in a similar time, shaping their views on how they think, work, live, and love. I am grateful that I had the experiences I had as a young adult exploring the world on my bike, at the roller rink, or playing outdoors. I was free from worries about selfies or likes. I was a teenager in the seventies and a young adult in the eighties and I’m a proud Boomer. We are described as independent, confident, self-reliant, self-assured, competitive, goal-centric and we have a strong work ethic. Those characteristics served me well and the truth is, I wonder how the younger generation is going to survive in the real world.
Life is hard and it seems to be getting tougher. On my journey, I learned that it takes a lot of hustle and determination to succeed in this world. There were no shortcuts to adulthood and not everyone gets a trophy.
But I have to wonder if that is still true in the world we live in today? Each generation has influenced the world in their own unique ways and this generation is no different. Is it possible that their influence is so impactful that society is changing to accommodate them rather than forcing them to grow up and suck it up like the rest of us had to do? And if so, what does that mean for their future and ours?
Maybe Instead of criticizing I should use all this great wisdom I’ve earned as an older woman to good use and support, connect, and learn from other generations of women. Last week I had the opportunity to be included in an event hosted by Kim Newberry, owner of Newberry Bros. Coffee, a local hotspot in Newport, Kentucky. I’ve known Kim for many years but never had the opportunity to be more than an admirer and acquaintance. I was delighted and a little surprised to be invited to the event she was hosting. This is the text that me and twelve other lucky ladies received:
YOU Inspire ME!There are many women I have met over the years who inspire me. Women who bring love, warmth, joy, humor, creativity, compassion, spunk, and SO MUCH MORE to my life, and to the lives of countless others. You are one of those women.
I have been thinking a lot about assembling a small group of inspiring friends for reasons I am still working through in my head. There is too much negativity all around us. It is emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually debilitating. At least that is true for me. And it overshadows the positivity that is also present but often silenced or trivialized because it does not carry equal (or greater) weight. Life is sometimes a heavy lift.
I feel that if we put our heads and hearts together, we can come up with some really amazing ways to make a difference in our own lives, and in the lives of others. Our very own “Circle of Love,” if you will.
Let me know if this is of interest to you. If not, no worries. If so, I will reach back out to schedule a date/time to get together at our bar and see where this might take us. If nothing else, consider it a night out with friends you have yet to meet.
“Love You. Mean It.” ~Kim
I wasn’t exactly sure what this was all about but I knew I wanted to be a part of it. It was a cold Monday night and I wasn’t 100% delighted to dress and prepare to mingle with a group of women I didn’t know. I’m considered an extrovert because I’m not shy and can speak easily in a crowd, but honestly, over the last few years, I have leaned towards intimate connections rather than small talk in a crowd. I am enjoying an introverted life. Recently I have connected with so many incredible women that have responded to my blog and I have enjoyed deepening friendships and connecting with women I admire. It’s uplifting, inspiring, and exactly what I want and need in my life. So, I put on my lipstick and my big girl panties and headed out the door.
We shared, laughed, consoled, cried, encouraged, and enjoyed the moment. Two hours after we arrived, we were no longer strangers, we were friends.
Meeting this group of thirteen women was the best decision I have made since marrying my husband Pablo four years ago. After a little bourbon and wine, we began to warm up and the noise level in the room was energetic. We were buzzing like bees attacking honey. Kim invited us to sit and we enjoyed delicious comforting soup and homemade focaccia. Kim stood up and quietly said a few words to welcome us and then asked each of us if we would share one thing about ourselves and she invited us to “toot our horn.” The room was quiet as we processed this request. We were all a little shy, a bit uncertain, overthinking what to share, worrying if what we had to say was worthy of a toot. Despite what you see on social media most women never speak highly of themselves and are uncomfortable doing it. All it took was a little encouragement and someone to go first (me) and we were lit like a winter fire on Christmas morning. We even had a team captain who accompanied each story with a pre and post-toot from a birthday horn. We were each given our own individual celebration. We shared, laughed, consoled, cried, encouraged, and enjoyed the moment. Two hours after we arrived, we were no longer strangers, we were friends. The evening was like a scene from a movie and I felt like the Grinch who stole Christmas and my heart grew three sizes that day.
Kim inspired me to pay it forward and I decided to extend grace to all generations of women, not just the one I belong to. I recently learned about Generations Over Dinner which is a program intended to inspire meaningful conversations across generations by modeling and creating an experience that connects the values of all perspectives across the age continuum. Generations Over Dinner was launched by the Modern Elder Academy and the founders of Death over Dinner (another fascinating program about opening the conversation about how we want to die. They provide a complete tool kit for creating your own event, including how to host, topics to discuss, and scripts to ignite the conversation. I am energized and inspired to connect and not criticize women of all generations and I invite you to join me for a meal and a conversation.
In 2023 I am kicking off an invitation to women of all generations to join me in conversation and a meal. I’m ready to host a dinner with anyone interested in joining other women to be the change we want to see in the world. Will you join me?
I would like to be known as an intelligent woman. A courageous woman. A loving woman. A woman who teaches by being.
~Maya Angelou
As I sit here early on a still quiet Sunday drinking my coffee, I sit here in amazement at the depth of loss and grief. To those innumerable people sharing their moments of loss, while attempting to grasp the enormity of what’s next? How will I cope? How will I get through the next moment let alone to the next day?
Have you been there?Imagine the spectrum. Knowing that there is a moment that you, your loved one, dearest friend, child, admired colleague, or notable personality that has meant so much to you dies. Some from natural causes, some from terminal disease, some from violence, or some by their own hand. We each struggle to make sense in those moments. Attempting to abate the loss through deflection or rejection.
During the last, I sat in my own loss bubble and rejected the realities of the heartbreak that I experienced. I replaced it with people, things, emotions, and numbing agents that only postponed the reality of heartbreak.
I sat with others in grief recovery as their leader never truly healing my own fully. I sat in the heartbreak, surrounded, enveloped, and grieving not yet giving in to it. It was juxtaposition or more to the point a dichotomy within that struggled to push away the heartbreak, but the walls crashed in again and again. It wasn’t until the walls shattered and came down that I was able to recognize the heartbreak and accept it.
Facing loss finally. It was neither the loss of my Dad due to cancer nor my daughter’s suicide that finally led me to acceptance of the heartbreak, but rather it was time. Time that had passed with perspective gained. Recalling a film about when a woman was faced with a character that was death, she welcomed in, for she did not fear him. It was that way for me in facing heartbreak, it was unwelcome, intrusive mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally, and I wanted no part with it.
It was a letter of forgiveness to my daughter, then to myself, and then to each of my family members that I had affected and hurt by actions or inactions.
You cannot make truly make amends for heartbreak other than taking ownership, accountability, and acknowledging your part within the heartbreak.
You’re in the heartbreak. You sit down across from it, pour a cup of coffee and say ok, I am finally ready to talk with you. What do I need to learn? How do I embrace you and not loss myself to the darkness? How do I go forward with the vast emptiness that I feel within?
You allow.
You allow others in once more.
You do not push away, you embrace, accept, extend, and love more deeply.
The first is you, forgive, love, and embrace all of who you are. In your imperfection, through your stubborn pride, throw away doubt, fear, and embrace the courage to do hard things.
You reach out and embrace others who are also in need, for in helping them heal you heal more each day. It is not through sympathy, but by empathy through the strength of knowing, seeing through shared experience, and embracing them as kindred. It is the soul connection that heals.
You sit in the heartbreak with others not as knowing all, but rather as someone who sits alongside a wounded equal sustaining one another. It is within person that we align our souls with as kindred and wounded souls where we can experience the most amazing healing through shared experience and the abiding love of family reimagined.
I always get asked how I can talk about oneness like I really mean it… Well, it’s because I really mean it. What? We’re all one? You’re part of me and I’m part of you? We’re all part of the same thing, or worse, we are the same thing?
Alright, sounds romantic, they’ll say, if a bit hippie. Who was the hippie who came up with that love-thy-neighbour-as-thyself stuff?
How can you be at one with people who are not your nearest and dearest? Or people you don’t know? And what about people who don’t share any of your values, or your culture? With ignorants, with traitors, with idiots, with murderers, with the shallow & the superficial, with the corrupt & the abusive, with thieves, etc?
I can. Because my soul can relate to every other soul on the planet. It’s just our minds that sometimes find it hard to relate to other minds.
When we can’t relate to others, it’s just a temporary state of things. Because our minds are temporary. But our souls are not.
Some people might be dangerous. Sure. Some smell bad, some will upset you, some will try and steal from you. Sure, I’m not denying that.
But think of it as you would think of the weather. If there’s a scary storm, it doesn’t mean that you need to be scared of nature altogether, of the trees and the ladybirds, or that you need to hate that particular country you’re in when the storm hits. You can still love nature and that place, and if the weather gets really bad, you just look for shelter.
You don’t need to stand out there in the hailstorm, but you need to remember that every hailstone is made of the same wonderful, clear water that’s found in dewdrops on roses, in the sap of all trees, and that ladybirds drink.
“Join yourself with nature” was the morning prompt from The ORIGIN Methodology of Self-Discovery. Now, it was time to listen for my question; a question specific for this step in my awakening. Sitting quietly in my meditation room, I heard, “How can you join together what was never separated?” What follows is my journal entry for that day:
Auh, yes ~ ‘Advaita’ – “not two”
Only in our minds do we separate
in order to define
in order to discover our uniqueness
in order to experience “I am” and then “I AM”
in order to experience this journey of life, this journey of Being, forgetting & remembering, to BE consciously, then transition into the collective unconscious to begin the cycle again on this continuum of change, through our lineage of BEING-ness ~ ancestors to ME to children to grandchildren… carrying the seeds of beliefs, perceptions, experiences, dreams, memories, fears, loves, joys, lessons, insights, wisdom, life, from one generation to the next ~ a blueprint, a subconscious blueprint from which to grow, learn, remember, choose and create one’s life – my life.
A forgotten blueprint, once remembered, can be changed and transformed – old patterns into new; fear-filled drama into dreams fulfilled; baby steps into leaps of faith.
Seeds planted centuries ago grow into oak trees. That is the natural cycle of Nature. We all live in this natural cycle of continual change and growth – this evolution or devolution from generation to generation – as it is a choice, a conscious or subconscious choice to change, to continue old patterns, or create new ones.
I am here now, a Soul in manifested form as a unique expression of the Love, Oneness, Source from which I came to BE, representing my lineage in this moment in time and space. I am the one with the opportunity to transform old patterns into new; to break the chains of fear and uncertainty and manifest the dreams I share and carry from my ancestors.
I am the one in physical form who is growing roots in the soil of my Soul, reaching deep and stretching high – “As Above, So Below”.
I am Nature personified in physical body, as rivers of ancient waters flow within, constantly renewing itself with cellular seeds of life.
The fires of my mind ignite with conscious awareness, creating new pathways and dreams to follow as memories emerge from deep within.
I breathe the air of my ancestors, and all those who came before me, deep into my lungs, and exhale my unique contribution to the whole. With every breath, I share mySELF, for we are “not two.” We are Nature and Nature is Us.
There is no need to join with Nature – only remember.
Growing up, so many careers looked great! I couldn’t pick just one! So I became a career counselor to help others along their career paths. I love it!
I never planned to spend 12 years tackling societal loneliness. I’m not a social worker or a researcher. Moving to Minnesota as a single person, I faced long winters alone inside. Looking back, that hibernation was boot camp for Covid quarantine! So began my deep dive into loneliness research.
In 2010, I met Dr. Jacqueline Olds, author of the groundbreaking book The Lonely American. Dr. Olds assured me that my Minnesota loneliness was not unique – it was a nationwide trend.
Hoping to make a difference, I launched my venture Plan B Connections. I started hosting workshops for unemployed job seekers about making meaningful social connections. It was their first workshop to address the loneliness and isolation of unemployment.
Then I connected individuals with new friends through hosting small group conversations, dinners, and volunteer events. Pete, a retiree in his 60s, regularly attended “for a feeling of community.” We became good friends. When Pete planned to move from Minnesota to Maine to live near his daughter, I asked where he was staying his last night in the Twin Cities. Pete planned to sleep on the floor – his furniture would be on its way to Maine. Not on my watch! He stayed in my guest room, we had a nice hearty breakfast, and there was a big bear hug to launch him on his new life chapter. Mission accomplished!
Pete’s story highlights my hacks for living alone and living connected:
1) We need to belong. Find your community.
2) Be genuinely interested in potential friends and see them often. Make “Norm!” camaraderie your norm! Frequency builds friendships.
3) Cultivate your life purpose. Your reason for getting out of bed daily is your “ikigai.” Leverage your purpose to make meaningful connections. Volunteering to host workshops and Meetups were my inroads to purpose. For ideas, check out Volunteer Match.
4) Write your evolving self-story of connection. Our social identities took a big hit during quarantine. Start writing a new social story. Joseph, my favorite Target cashier, always makes fun quips about my groceries – “Lasagna! This must be for Garfield!” I always look for his line. Journal about all of your connections including weaker social ties. Writing helps you savor your experiences. Your evolving self-story will strengthen your social wellness.
So… how am I walking my talk?
I’m networking with wonderful individuals on LinkedIn to find new ways to help individuals living alone. I’m developing a new Plan B Connections workshop for a large professional community. I’ve reached out to several nonprofits and friends who could use a helping hand. I journal daily about all my connections, savoring every single one. My evolving self-story highlights purpose, connections, and belonging.
Wishing you many meaningful connections in 2023!
If we are serious in our quest to rediscover humanity at its best, then our job is to “walk the talk” today and every day, doing our best to figure out what the world is trying to be – and then help the world be that, be better, and be even more.
—Dennis Pitocco
I’m constantly seeking inspiration to continue doing my imperfect best to create wonderful things for my life and the world around me. So, I was very fortunate when Dennis Pitocco introduced himself to me a few months back.
Dennis, in collaboration with his Chief Inspiration Officer (and wife), Ali, has created 360º Nation. Everything they do is “for good” vs. “for profit”. Their mission over the past decade-plus has been to rediscover humanity at its best, influencing and showcasing it every step of the way.
360º Nation encompasses a wide range of multimedia enterprises, including BizCatalyst 360º, an award-winning global media digest; 360º Nation Studios, a producer of uplifting, blockbuster events worldwide; and Good Works 360º, a pro-bono foundation that provides mission-critical advisory services to nonprofits around the globe. Dennis is a contributing author to a number of Best-Selling books including, Chaos to Clarity: Sacred Stories of Transformational Change.
I’m equal parts awed and grateful for what Dennis and Ali are creating in the world. I’m excited to ask how they bridged the gap between envisioning the good they wanted to create and actually carrying it out. I look forward to learning as much as I can in an hour with this amazing person and would be honored to ask him some of your questions, submitted live or in the comments below.
The journey through life has many challenges and obstacles along the way. The thing I learned as I hurtled through hoops to heal from my trauma is that there are blessings and lessons in every situation.
In the moment of stress, frustration, anger, and overwhelm our bodies react with the stress response. We develop tunnel vision, our heart races, we experience triggers, pain or a variety of symptoms. At that moment the lesson or blessing is not visible. We can’t see it because our eyes are literally tight, tense, and constricted. We can’t feel it because our senses are overstimulated and overwhelmed. It is a protective mechanism to get out of a dangerous situation. But it happens even in non-life threatening situations because our body has memory. The blessing or lesson may not even come for days, weeks, or months after the event is over because we likely are dealing with the physical repercussions of the stress we faced. But when the stress fades, the eyes relax, the body settles and the mind clears, there is always an opportunity to reflect on those challenges and identify the blessing and lesson in each situation.
The more you ignore the opportunity to find the blessing and the lesson, the more challenges you face.
It may not be the easy way out because it requires a little effort on our part and acceptance of the past but it is better than brushing it under the rug while you wait for the next challenge to come. If you choose to brush it under the rug, that is your option, but know that when you do, life will once again bring you a similar challenge to guide you towards the lesson. The more you ignore the opportunity to find the blessing and the lesson, the more challenges you face. It happened to me countless times over my 13-year healing journey. And over the past few years when I was deep in healing my trauma and feeling a heightened stress response, it was not always easy to slow down and learn from my experiences. But it would have taken exponentially longer to get back here to writing on paper again, had I not learned the lessons, evolved through them, and expressed gratitude for the blessings from each situation.
But exactly, how do you find the blessings and lessons in situations? How do you know when to reflect? The simple fact is everything, even the random things in life have meaning. Everything has a lesson, though some lessons might be expansive and some may be small. How do you slow down and tune in to the lesson? Well, that is easy. Mindfulness, meditation, stretch, sitting in nature, deep breathing, feeling the sensations in your body, clearing your thoughts, star gazing, cloud watching, or any other activity that literally slows down your mind and body enough for you to let go of the to-do lists and just reflect.
Years ago I was faced with health issues that placed me in a predicament with a colleague that gave me a hard time and tried to compromise my career. But a blessing came from that situation at the same time my doctor told me it was critical for my health to leave the bedside and find a different nursing job. At that moment, I was upset, angry, and stressed but when the dust settled it turned out to be in my best interest to move on. And my boss offered me a desk job that eventually turned into a virtual nursing job that gave me an opportunity to really dig deep, write and heal my trauma at home. But had that challenge not come my way, the opportunity would not have come either. You have probably experienced something similar or even heard a story from a friend that also ended in a positive light. That is the blessing and the lesson in the situation.
A friend shared a story with me recently that fits this topic perfectly. Have you ever been offered something that fell through and found out later it was in your best interest? Well this is the story. My friend applied for a job. The company was raving and excited for her to join. But life kept getting in the way. She was on vacation when they wanted to finalize and things just didn’t fall into place. And it turned out that the company froze the position and later laid off the team she was meant to join. If she hadn’t honored her own wishes and enjoyed her vacation, she may have been stuck in a bad situation. But since she slowed down, smelled the roses, and enjoyed her life, everything fell into place.
Have you ever applied for something that wasn’t exactly right for you and later found a different job that was even better? This recently happened to me too. I was eyeing a position to transition into a new role but life and work moved on and it fell off my radar. I spoke to my son about his college prospects and we both agreed we both liked the University of Miami. And the conversation piqued an old interest I had always had to see if there was an opportunity to teach there. And this literally happened like magic. I called an old friend, she sent an email, the next day I had an interview and by the end of the meeting I had the job. It happened over the course of 3 days. But finally, I was getting back in line with the dreams I had before I decided to delve deep into my trauma. After a few weeks I reached out to my friend at the position I had been seeking and it turned out someone was hired and I never got a chance to apply. But had I applied, this teaching opportunity may never have occurred. So follow the current of life. Embrace the challenges. And find the lessons along the way.
The random experiences in life are very interesting and intriguing. And those usually give you quick clues or tips for your next step. Maybe you run into an old friend on the way home when you decide to stop somewhere you never go. And they tell you a story that helps you make a decision later in the day. That was not random. That was God sending you a sign. I literally met a family friend at a distant grocery store and experienced a great conversation about an old trip. And it gave me some insights for an upcoming vacation I was planning.
Maybe you have a crazy puppy like mine that steals your shoes. And she steals 1 new perfect leather sandal and destroys it. And a week later your husband gets you a new pair and your bedroom door is open. And she gets in the closet and grabs a second shoe and destroys it. And after the stress melts, you calm down and you analyze the situation, you realize everything is fine. Because last week she broke the old right shoe. And this week she broke the new left shoe. Leaving you with an interesting set of shoes that look exactly the same. One is old and one is new but they both work the same and look the same. And now you can step forward into your life knowing that even when things are broken, they aren’t always lost, they are not always dreadful and there can be a miracle at the end of the journey.
So the next time your life throws you a curve ball or your body literally stops you in your tracks with a symptom. After the dust settles, the stress clears and the overwhelm fades. Take the time to slow down, reflect on your day, your week, your year, and notice if something good came out of a difficult situation. And maybe next time you won’t fall back into old patterns and let your dog eat your shoes or miss out on a magical opportunity just within your reach.
Begin again…and again…
and again.
Life invites us to wake up…awaken up
come alive and thrive
Every moment…every breath
can be a fresh start
An invigorating spark…
a step out of the dark
An invitation to lighten up…
enlighten up
And find a replenishing way
to say YES to life
and NO to strife
To toss away whatever is
weighing us down…making us frown
And take a profound or courageous
or even outrageous leap
Toward something more
insightful and delightful
Simply because we can…or at the very least
we can reach and grow and go
Beyond our stuck in the mud mindset
toward an attitudinal reset
Beyond our current (dis)comfort zone
Toward infinite gifts of the unknown
There is guidance everywhere
if you care to stay aware
Just show up and pay attention
and you will find inspiration…
or perhaps it will find you
* This poem was inspired by Deanna Black, who led a yoga retreat that I attended a while ago and who spoke of the endless ways we are ongoingly invited to begin again.
from the heart, mind, and pen of Minx
For the past number of years, I have chosen a word for the following year. Some of the words I have chosen are Grace, Nourish, and Harmony.
This year, as we move forward into 2023, I have chosen once again the word Connection.
Change the dance of your conversations to build connection, invest in relationships, and empower others.
~Sharon K. Summerfield
For me this past year I have navigated several health issues. I cannot begin to express how much it has meant people checking in. Simple questions how are you? Is there anything you need? And how can I help? All these questions and creating space to listen helped to build connection.
Our next health crisis honestly is not another flu, it is loneliness.
Over the past number of years, the ways we connect have changed. We have numerous tools to connect. Having more ways to be “on” and connected has created more disconnection. This is the time for Grace.
May we give ourselves grace and embrace the possibilities of a new day.
~Sharon K. Summerfield
As Dr. Vivek Murthy shared in his book, Together – The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World, and in his conversation with Brene Brown, finding those ways to connect and share our stories is vital to our well-being.
When we look at ways to prevent and recover from burnout finding those ways to create connection is key. It is so important we consider how we are coming together, does this energize us? In what ways can we create greater harmony?
In creating harmony we find new ways to blend the melodic rhythm in the dance of life.
~Sharon K. Summerfield
As we look at ways to give ourselves grace and create harmony it is also key to consider what will nourish us. There are times when we need to pause and consider what do I need in this moment. This can be as simple as taking time to meditate, go for a walk, or just be.
Let us nourish our body, mind, and spirit by eating with greater mindfulness.
~Sharon K. Summerfield
As we move forward into 2023, to build connection we first really need to look at how we can yes more often to ourselves. This does mean carefully looking at our true priorities. When we are invited to attend various events and meetings, both personal and professional, it is so important we ask ourselves will this energize me? Taking into account everything on our plates, can I bring my best to this activity? Or do I need to pause and share my thanks for the invitation and send regrets.
Finding those ways to connect with others begins with how we connect with ourselves. We can then choose.
In what ways can you create greater connection in your life?
Be kind.
Be patient.
Be nourished in all you do.
If you’ve had enough
Of all your tryin’
Just give up
The state of mind you’re in
If you want to be somebody else,
If you’re tired of fighting battles with yourself
If you want to be somebody else
Change your mind
“Change Your Mind” by Sister Hazel
____________________
The band Sister Hazel has a lot of great music. Their messages resonate with me often, and the song “Change Your Mind” really stands out as a beacon of light for those who feel they are surrounded by darkness. Sometimes we need that gentle reminder to be somebody else when our current version isn’t serving us.
The band starts out with some “ooooohh, yeah; ooooohh yeah” lyrics to get you into the spirit of the song’s message, and immediately goes down a rabbit hole of how you’ve been dragging and need to change your perspective. My friend Dr. Melissa Hughes talks about reframing a lot and Sister Hazel has it nailed throughout their performance to stress that you are almost always in control of your state of mind. Reframing a situation is one thing; reframing your mind to fit the situation better is an altogether different approach.
But do we really have that kind of control over situations that happen around us?
I have always been a positive person; some might say optimistic to the point of danger to my own psyche. However, all too often I have seen others in my view take something personally and go down a negative spiral when they fully had the option to either brush it off and move on or find some positivity in the situation and keep their head up. Not every situation has an obvious pile of positivity within it, but even in the worst of times we can take pause and see something within the dust and ashes that brings us to a better mindset or teaches us something about how to react in a future similar situation. That “silver lining” thinking is commonly challenged, but I say it’s possible. All the time.
I have used music to solve a lot of my mental challenges in life. I made it through a rather serious medical season a few years ago using songs and positive affirmations, along with a spectacular support network, as my main therapy. At work when I am struggling, I click on my iTunes and find one of the bands that motivate and inspire me to action. Sister Hazel is in that category, with this song at the forefront. (We’ll talk about other songs of theirs another time).
“Have you ever danced in the rain or thanked the sun Just for shining?”
Expressing gratitude for nature and the world around us can be a big part of being naturally brought to a better place emotionally.
The next time you’re feeling down, look around at your surroundings and start a gratitude list. You’ll be amazed at how quickly the problems seem to diminish in your mind.
Thanking the sun for shining sounds so simple, but we often forget how fortunate we are for the basic needs to be met on a regular basis and bring our “first-world problems” to the table instead
“And yeah, you look much better, look much better when you glow.”
If you’re tired of fighting battles with yourself, change your mind. How will you glow today?
Here’s the song if you are not familiar with it:
Most people think to receive a Global award, they need to have high education, connections or accomplish something that has yet to be undertaken. That might be true to a certain extent, and it is understandable why some people think that way.
Earning a global award is an achievement that requires the highest level of excellence. It is a humbling and rewarding experience; not everyone can reach it easily. However, with the right mindset and direction, anyone can achieve it.
The question is, what actions must you take to earn a global award?
In this article, I am going to share with you HOW and WHY the international arena recognized my work and WHAT steps I took that led me to receive not one but two Global Awards-The Inspirational Influencer (Global Impact) Award from the “International Association of Women” and the (Global Woman Peace Ambassador) Award from the “Women’s Federation For World Peace” International within one week.
Before I share with you the HOW, WHY and WHAT steps I took that helped me receive the two awards; please let me share some of my background and achievements so you can see the whole picture.
I was born and based in Lebanon. Growing up, I had to deal with a learning disability, today, we know as dyslexia. I was held back at school year after year. I was 12 years old when the 1975 Lebanese Civil War began; I lost my favorite brother Robert in front of my eyes to a bomb, and that was the beginning of my difficult and long journey.
We became homeless, and I was separated from my family for several months. However, we were lucky to get back together in a new community under one roof. Due to my severe dyslexia and the war, I was forced to leave school in the 4th grade and was persuaded to marry at 14. I became a mother at 15 and a single mom at 17 and lived every day fearing that I would lose my daughter. Living in the war for 13 years, I learned to see the light through darkness.
In 1988, I got the opportunity to come to the United States, where we could have a better life. With only $200 in my pocket and a 10-year-old daughter to raise, I had no skills and didn’t speak English. Everyone told me, “Go back; there is no hope for you here.” But I challenged myself and stayed to fulfill my inner destiny.
Despite the odds, I became an Author, Keynote Speaker, TV Host, Producer, Director, Life Coach. I didn’t stop there. Several years later, I created a unique online platform-EmpoweringHumanityTV.com, including the EH Magazine, to help elevate humanity’s consciousness Worldwide through education, inspiration, and transformation.
Today, I am living my true purpose, CARRYING that 12-year-old girl’s message to humanity. I’m bringing awareness to what happens to the millions of innocent children and mothers affected by the horrific tragedies of war and telling their stories through her eyes.
I am also helping by donating 100% of my net profits from the “Tears of Hope” book and anthem to children affected by war. This is my way of paying it forward with no expectations. Yet, God/universe rewarded me beyond my wildest dreams by giving me these two special awards.
SO HOW, WHY, and WHAT steps did I take to receive such honorable awards?
HOW? I DID IT BY:
- Serving others with Love, Integrity, and Compassion.
- Clearly understanding the POWER of helping others with zero expectations.
- And by learning to let go of the people who take advantage of others.
WHY? I DID IT BECAUSE?
- I understand the PAIN of living in the war with no hope or opportunities.
- I am one of the luckiest women on earth to live in the best country in the world where someone like me, who has only a fourth-grade education, has an opportunity to become the best I can be.
- And because I truly believe that God saved my life many times and brought me to the United States for a good reason.
WHAT STEPS DID I TAKE?
- I opened my heart but stayed alert and allowed God/universe to work through me.
- Anything I create, I developed it with the INTENTION of helping humanity and
I understood that hard work is essential but more is needed.
- Building a good reputation and solid relationships was essential, followed by perseverance, commitment, and dedication to excellence.
As I mentioned earlier, earning a global award is an achievement that requires the highest level of excellence, and it takes work to get it. But with the right mindset and direction, anyone can achieve it.
It is vital to remember HOW, WHY and WHAT steps you need to take to receive such an honorable global or any award. However, to receive such an accolade, it’s important to continually strive for excellence in any field you choose – academia, the workplace, or your business.
With focus, determination, and dedication, you can strive to reach your goal of earning a global award. The rewards that come with the recognition are invaluable and will open tremendous new opportunities. Stay committed to your goals, and never give up, no matter how hard it gets. Eventually, all your efforts will be rewarded and celebrated worldwide!
So, take the time to build strong relationships, hone your communication skills, maintain a good reputation, and pursue persistence and integrity. Then watch.
Have you ever, Nah, you must have.At one time or another, we all have no doubt put our foot into a pool of water or skipped a rock along the surface of a lake. Watching how that just the slightest contact with the water has made a ripple or wave effect, if you will, which enlarges as it spreads out.
(Ripples theoretically can continue until contacting an opposing force).
We do the same thing with our lives; we make ripples. They begin within our immediate area and then can spread throughout our community, state, country, and world.
You’re probably thinking “what…” but truth be told, when we do the smallest of things, our actions make ripples.
When you say good morning to someone, at that moment you’ve made a ripple. Did you see their smile or hear them say the same back to you or some nearby individual? How did it make you feel, happy? Well, that same happiness will spread throughout the day as your ripples continue to spread.
You are no doubt wondering how I think this small ripple, the one you’ve just created, can go global, it’s easy. Today, we have so many avenues of communication available to us that time is not a factor.
As your ripple spreads to others, then their ripple spreads, it continues to compound. In some cases taking just a short time for a ripple-contacted individual to board an international flight, make an international call, send an email, Facebook message or post, etc. and you have made a global ripple.
That is why it is so imperative that we be mindful of the ripples we are creating. As easily as we can send out good ripples, we can also send adverse ones. As easily as we can make someone’s day memorable, we can also darken it.
So let’s all be mindful of our ripples, and be sure that we are sending out beautiful ripples, as many as we possibly can.
I spent years of my life chasing “THE DREAM.” The perfect career, job, husband, house, etc. Chasing money literally killed my passion. Chasing love led to failed relationships and attracted people who didn’t value me. Chasing people’s approval turned out to be a waste of my time and effort in most cases.
It took me way too long to finally figure out that I wasn’t getting what I truly wanted in my life because I was playing out someone else’s idea of who I should be.
Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or have more money, in order to do more of what they want so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you really need to do, in order to have what you want.
~ Margaret Young
Did you know that the number one regret people on their deathbeds have is that they did not live out their own dreams?
So, before you start chasing the dream, make sure that it’s your dream you’re chasing.
For last year’s words belong to last year’s language, and next year’s words await another voice.
~T.S. Eliot
As the new year unfolds, I sit with deep reflection on the year experiences that have touched me in one way or another. It’s a quick look back ‘year in review’ to see what caught my attention, where did I find my joy, and examine the tough scenarios that invited me to dive deeper.
I have always considered these a benchmark in my own personal growth and awareness.
Now living in Portugal, we have found many new cultural traditions that celebrate the holidays and the end of year. As residents of the country (not yet citizens) we are hungry to embrace as many as we can. It surely is not mandatory but feels honoring on so many levels.
One of the long-standing traditions on New Year’s Eve, and the one I am most fascinated by is called 12 Raisins
“Probably the most popular tradition in Portugal to celebrate New Year’s Eve revolves around a tiny, dried grape. At the stroke of midnight, the Portuguese begin eating their 12 raisins to represent the 12 months. One raisin is traditionally eaten at each stroke of the clock.
It’s said that these raisins will bring you luck for the year to come. When you eat them, you’re supposed to make a wish such as good health or prosperity.
Before midnight strikes, the Portuguese will already be diving their raisins, so each person in attendance has 12. If you are spending New Year’s Eve at a restaurant, these will usually be handed out to you.”
As I sat with this new concept, I was curious on the definition of ‘wish’.
Wish – verb
- feel or express a strong desire or hope for something that cannot or probably will not happen.
“We wished for peace”
I have decided to not WISH, but more so INTEND.
Understanding that if we want to make a real difference for good in the world that creates a ripple effect, then it starts with US.
So, this year, I will be eating 12 raisins at midnight, making one intention at a time. My hope is that each personal intention will hold a space as a reminder of what it takes – to just be a good human.
12 Raisins – 12 IntentionsMindfulness – with intention
Acceptance – across the board
Grace – magnified
Courage – with accountability
Compassion – for the world and myself
Flexibility – mentally and physically
Vulnerability – when it matters
Connection – with consistency
Curiosity – at every turn
Awareness – with an open heart
Intentionality – for creating more ‘good’ in the world
Love – will win every time
These are my intentions – my benchmarks. My new voice for my next year. What are yours?
Feliz Ano Novo!
I‘m Sequoia. I made SLIM SHAKY to give people with Parkinson’s a voice, to spread awareness of life with PD, to show people with Parkinson’s that they’re not alone, and to raise funds for a cure. And I made SLIM SHAKY because I love my mom.
It was years ago that I first said at the family dinner table that I wanted to make a rap music video for my mom, but I meant it as a joke. My mom’s never been into rap music or rapping, and that’s exactly what made it so compelling. Even when I thought of the name “Slim Shaky”, she just smiled and rolled her eyes, but I wasn’t planning on making it happen.
When it came time to make my senior project in college, I realized that with this “Slim Shaky” idea, I had the opportunity to share my mom’s experience of Parkinson’s with the world in an honest and uplifting way. I realized that I could go even bigger and launch a fundraiser to help to cure Parkinson’s. And I realized that I could help make my mom the coolest rapper ever. It was a no-brainer. My mom was unsure at first, but then agreed to help.
This good plan became a great one when I connected with Heather Kennedy, an accomplished and talented Parkinson’s advocate who uses all forms of media to tell the world about PD. I was thrilled when she said she would love to join my mom and become the second rapper in the project, the second Slim Shaky!
I started by talking with my mom and Heather about their experiences with Parkinson’s, and then I wrote lyrics for each of them based on those conversations. From there we were able to hold “studio” sessions to record the rap, and then after plenty of editing, we started filming! Oh yeah, did I mention that Heather lives on the other side of the country? We collaborated entirely online!
After much planning, practicing, rapping, and editing, SLIM SHAKY is here for you to enjoy. As you watch, I hope you learn something, I hope you feel something, and I hope you see all the passion and love that went into it. I truly am so grateful for the incredible energy that my mom and Heather brought to the project, and for everyone who helped make this silly idea come to life.
SLIM SHAKY communicates a message of strength, but it also shows how life with Parkinson’s can really suck. About five million people worldwide are living with this degenerative illness, and there’s no known cure.
The Michael J. Fox Foundation vows to find a cure for Parkinson’s Disease by funding high-impact scientific research.
We’re asking for your generous support so that these five million people can sing, dance, love, and be loved, and maybe even rap, long into the future. It means more than you know.
SUPPORT OUR CAUSE HERE
Sequoia Lowe has since graduated from WCSU and now works in the media industry. He’s thrilled fo the release of SLIM SHAKY as an opportunity to express his love for his mom, spread awareness about life with PD, and raise funds for a cure. “My mom and Heather are incredible,” he says. “It takes so much courage to do this, and they both killed it.”
If your life were a movie, where would the plot be headed right now?You may not be immortalized in film anytime soon, but your life is still a story. According to psychologists, we all have an internalized narrative that explains how we became the person we are today and where we are headed tomorrow. Like any Hollywood blockbuster, this narrative has settings, scenes, a plot, characters, and themes.
As we ponder resolutions for the coming year, New Year’s can also be a time to reflect on our life story—and to figure out how everything fits together. Incorporating our goals into the larger narrative of our life can give us more energy to pursue them, and to become the person we want to be.
The science of the life storyStorytelling starts in childhood, as kids narrate events to their parents. Their stories—fragmented, short, and sometimes seemingly pointless—are more than just cute. They reflect a struggle to master this innately human form of communication; children’s efforts also reveal just how cognitively demanding it is. Parents help this process along by asking questions about causes, effects, and emotions, implicitly teaching kids what makes a good story.
Adolescents improve by leaps and bounds in their storytelling ability, but they don’t quite perfect the art. In fact, at least one study says our stories become more and more coherent through our 20s. The ability to integrate our stories around a common theme—more on that below—continues improving even into our 40s. Stories are the way we make sense of the world, and we’re constantly narrating and revising in our heads, sometimes without even realizing it.
Although our life story is based on actual events, it is also highly personal and subjective. The same life could be narrated many ways; we might hone in on our parents’ divorce and how it colored everything that followed, or downplay the divorce and instead highlight an exemplary college career.
“Creating any kind of a story is a construction. It’s not just finding something that’s out there,” says Northwestern professor Dan McAdams, a pioneer in the field of narrative psychology. “Selves create stories, which in turn create selves.”
Not only do stories tell us who we are, but they can also become resources we draw upon in times of difficulty: Recalling stories of strength or resilience helps us confront new challenges, reminding us of how we solved problems in the past. Telling stories can connect us with others, creating intimacy and strengthening relationships. The best stories provide meaning and purpose by linking seemingly random events and experiences into a progressive journey.
Three common life themesStudying stories is not easy, since every person’s life is so unique. In their quest to categorize and correlate, researchers have come up with different ways to analyze life stories, and one of those ways is by theme. A theme is a common motivational thread or pattern that runs through a life story. The three themes detailed below—communion, agency, and redemption—have all been linked to well-being. If you want to cultivate happiness in the coming year, organizing your goals and your life story around one of these themes could help the pieces fall into place.
1. Communion. Stories that emphasize connection, love, friendship, intimacy, caring, or belonging embody the theme of communion. For example, in a 2013 paper, one participant focused on her supportive relationships when recalling a particular memory: “I was warm, surrounded by friends and positive regard that night. I felt unconditionally loved.”
In a 2004 study, 125 undergrads filled out personality surveys and then wrote about ten scenes from their life story, including a morality scene and a decision scene. Researchers analyzed these scenes for different themes, including the theme of communion. The more this theme showed up in their writing, the more extraverted and agreeable the students tended to be—two traits that are associated with high happiness.
2. Agency. If some stories emphasize social connection, others emphasize achievement, self-mastery, empowerment, status, and influence. “I challenge myself to the limit academically, physically, and on my job. Since that time [of my divorce], I have accomplished virtually any goal I set for myself,” a different participant wrote in that 2013 study. When describing their experience in therapy, people who tell stories with a stronger agency theme tend to have higher well-being.
The distinction between communion and agency doesn’t simply boil down to a focus on relationships or work, though. Remember, stories are subjective, and so are themes. If I started a meetup group, I could choose to look at that as an entrepreneurial act of leadership or the pursuit of deeper connection. Each lens would have a different impact on my sense of self, and my life story.
3. Redemption. The theme of redemption, perhaps the most well-studied in narrative psychology, exists when something bad is mitigated or transformed by the good that follows. Stories of redemption are sad stories with a happy ending: We’ve grown or learned something, or simply recovered; perhaps we choose to see the whole experience as a form of loving sacrifice.
In a 2001 paper, University of Missouri professor Laura King quotes the parent of a disabled child telling a story of redemption. The story concludes:
I know my daughter is quite special. It’s as if she’s part of another race or from another planet. She’s definitely wired differently. And I think those wires are hooked directly to God. She’s the closest I’ve come to an angel on Earth.
In another 2001 study, researchers interviewed 74 adults about their life story. During a two-hour conversation, participants described a variety of scenes from their lives, including a high point, a low point, a turning point, their earliest memory, and important scenes from childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. When their stories were analyzed, the results showed that participants who tended to tell more stories of redemption also reported higher life satisfaction. Redemptive stories were more strongly linked to life satisfaction than stories involving positive emotions, so it wasn’t just redemption’s happy ending that made people feel better.
“A [redemptive] story suggests hope and progress in life and may thus confer on the storyteller a general coping advantage,” the researchers write. It may become a self-fulfilling prophecy, whether the positive interpretation was initially true or not: In a 2013 study, alcoholics who said their last drinking episode improved them in some way (making them stronger or more motivated) were more likely to be sober and in better health four months later.
In middle age, people who tell redemptive stories also tend to display more altruism, or “generativity”: acts such as volunteering, mentoring, civic activity, parenting, and teaching.
More evidence is needed before researchers conclude that particular life stories cause people to become happier, but they suspect it’s a kind of loop: Emphasizing certain life themes leads to happiness, but it’s also the case that happier people are more likely to highlight certain themes, and to become even happier.
How goals fit into your life storyIn reading about these themes, you might find yourself gravitating toward one of them. Perhaps you’re prioritizing relationships at this point in your life, or you’re struggling to overcome trauma.
“The trick really is identifying the type of theme that will work for you and your life (there’s no “one size fits all” solution here),” says UC Riverside professor Will Dunlop.
So how should your life theme inform your goals for the next year?The first thing to understand is that goals are part of the tapestry of the life story. “There can be no story without intention,” wrote McAdams in 1992. “Further, there can be no intention without story.” As a rule, then, life stories and goals tend to align. In a 2006 study, researchers asked undergrads to describe their goals and their life stories. They found that students with social goals (to meet people or make friends) were more likely to have social life stories—life stories emphasizing the themes of communion and altruism. Goals can even shape which memories we’re more likely to recall.
Achieving this kind of integration between goals and life stories will make us more motivated and energized to work toward our aims, says McAdams.
“Goals are crying out or beckoning to be brought into the narrative,” he says. “There’s this ongoing story about life, and if a goal is worthy of being brought into that ongoing narrative, then it’s arrived.”
When a goal gets integrated into our life story, “it raises the stakes,” he adds. “It says, ‘This is an important thing. My very identity is (to a certain extent) hinging on success.’” And the more a goal becomes part of our identity, self-determination theory suggests, the more it moves from being extrinsically motivated toward being intrinsically motivated.
Yet McAdams also points out that a goal may represent a departure from our previous trajectory in life, a kind of transition or turning point—and that can become part of our life story, too. The workaholic who vows to make it home in time for dinner may be shifting from a theme of agency to a theme of communion, for example.
Either way, it’s wise to understand how our aims for the future relate to our path in the past. Goals and New Year’s resolutions don’t have to be isolated aspirations, failed, and forgotten. Instead, they can contribute to crafting a life theme and an identity that endure.
One note does not make a symphony; one artist does not make an orchestra, but one phone call can make a world of difference.
–Matshona Dhliwayo
It’s time to make that call. Life is busy and full of competing priorities. And many of us just aren’t that good at exhaling for a moment, realizing what’s really important, and taking the first step. So let’s rise above the chaos, the distractions, the excuses, and come out from behind the texting with the kindness of an actual phone call. Not a planned one. An unexpected/surprise one.
Of course, it might be awkward, uncontrolled, and unscripted. Do it anyway. Reach out. Reconnect. Everyone will appreciate it, and someone in each of our social circles really needs it. They need to know at this moment that someone is thinking of them. They need to know that most things can get better and that they don’t have to go through it alone. And before you hang up, and no matter what you discuss, please take the opportunity to close with two simple but ever so powerful words: YOU MATTER.
So, stop what you’re doing and make that call right now. Not sometime later, not tomorrow, not next week, but right now. You’ll be glad you did. Because it matters. Because everyone matters. Who knows? —it may become habit-forming. And PLEASE come back and share your experience in our Comments section below.
Christmas magic is silent. You don’t hear it — you feel it. You know it. You believe it. May you never be too grown up to search the skies on Christmas Eve.
Our heartfelt wish to you on behalf of everyone here at 360° Nation; Throughout the holiday season and across the new year, may your walls know joy, and cherished moments with loved ones, may every room hold love and laughter, and may every window open to endless possibilities. Enjoy the magic of the season and beyond as we remain grateful for the priceless gift of your friendship …
Sam Schmid was in a coma for two months after a horrific 5-car accident. His injuries included, among other things, a brain aneurysm, stroke, and severe brain injury. In what was termed a Christmas “miracle,” Schmid “woke up” as his doctors were discussing pulling his life support systems. He had to re-learn everything, including how to swallow, speak, and walk. After two and a half years of intensive – 40 hours/week – speech, physical, and occupational therapy, Schmid is back in school and able to work. His advice? Never give up – find the miracle within you.
There is a great quote by Henri Frederick Amiel that reads: “Women wish to be loved without a why or a wherefore; not because they are pretty, or good, or well-bred, or graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves.”
It is as true when it was written as it is today. With the focus to keep up with the latest trends, fades, and all things popular, we often can lose sight of our true selves in the process. From the time we are young, people are telling us what to think, what to wear, what to do, who to be…. The list is endless. After all that, it’s little wonder people have no idea who they really are and what they really want.
In order to fulfill your true passion and your calling here on Earth, you need to know who you really are.
You need to know what you truly value, what you are passionate about, and how you can translate that into letting your vocation become your vacation. Otherwise, you will find yourself at the same dead-end job complaining about it 5 years down the road. The more you complain about the problems in your life, the more problems you will bring back to yourself plus more.
When you make it your mission to live authentically without apologizing for who you really are deep down, the more liberated you will feel. When you stop apologizing for being you and living for other people, the more freedom you get in return. You will also tend to notice that people who “get you” will gravitate toward you. And those who ‘don’t get you,’ will be steered clear of you. Once you are clear with who you are and what you want, the universe will take care of bringing those people, situations, and circumstances to you to fulfill your destiny.
The sooner you can figure out who you really are… the better. The world is waiting for you to step into your light. We need to hear your story, buy your product, or get your service. But if you keep it hidden for fear of rejection, the rest of the world suffers.
I can help coach you if you need help finding your inner passion and desire or if you have a story to share with the world.
As you may know, I am ALL ABOUT the HAPPY—even when it doesn’t seem to be there…even when ALL we may feel is Sadness, Fear, Pain, Anger, or just Flat out CRAPPY!!!
And this is not to say that we shouldn’t feel Sadness, Fear, Pain, or Anger—they are Amazing Emotions to be expressed and embraced as part of the Human Experience!!! I merely wish to show that HAPPINESS can be present AT THE SAME time as these feelings, found at the opposite end of the emotional spectrum, and that our external circumstances don’t dictate our joy. By looking inside ourselves, we can FIND THE HAPPY IN THE CRAPPY!!!
I offer up some tools when speaking of this, that can up-level our hearts and help us FIND THE HAPPY IN CRAPPY: (1) Honesty, (2) Gratitude, (3) Self-Love, (4) Acceptance, and (5) Patience.
The very first time I realized these tools were so helpful in allowing me to see through the shit and find my joy, was when I lost many physical and mental faculties, and eventually the ability to walk. Embracing these tools sequentially—the process of “Becoming Chronically Fabulous”, as I’ve come to call it—has enabled me to FIND THE HAPPY IN THE CRAPPY in all of my shitty situations, especially my flare-ups.
Until recently…
This flare-up, which started mid-October, (right after seeing my doctor about a burning, red rash that randomly was appearing on my face) has thrown me—physically, energetically, and emotionally.
I have gone through my process: (1) have gotten completely HONEST with myself and laid out the shit—acknowledged the symptoms I have been having and how I have felt about them, (2) have found my pieces of GRATITUDE (my things to celebrate) which have been keeping me grounded and centered as I’ve begun digging through the shit, (3) have granted me the SELF-LOVE and permission to feel all the feels when processing the shit, (4) have ACCEPTED all of the shit and have allowed myself to stay there as long as necessary to process…I’ve been leaning into all of what I’ve been feeling about my flare and about myself…I’ve been talking with my therapist every two weeks about the things that have been bothering me, the stuff I need to let go of, and the “aha” moments I’ve discovered, and (5) have been trying to be as PATIENT as possible and have been choosing to see the GOOD and the HAPPY as it pops out randomly in this shitty experience.
Overall, I’ve been quite calm, positive, and able to recognize the HAPPY bits over the past month or so. But something has been nagging at me, and I haven’t been able to put my finger on it. I haven’t been able to quite shake it.
Have I not been completely honest with myself???…
Am I not allowing myself the time, space, and grace to process???
Over the course of the past two weeks, the Universe has decided to speak—answering these questions through various signs. My horoscopes, Oracle cards being pulled for the collective in FB groups to which I belong, headlines for emails, podcast episodes that I’ve been listening to, random articles being shared in my social feed, and healing sessions in which I’ve been taking part—ALL have been telling me to let go, to not be afraid, to move forward with courage, etc…I have obviously been in need of a perspective shift, but I have not been able to figure it out for the life of me.
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And then a personal encounter with a stranger…
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I met a woman in the bathroom, as she was coming from the handicapped stall, for which I was waiting. She glanced at me in my wheelchair and then apologized for using the stall, saying “I only use this when my Rheumatoid Arthritis acts up”…she then proceeded to speak of how her aches and pains were intensified by the cold, wet weather and she wondered if the same went for me—as if she knew what I was going through.
We struck up a conversation about our various health conditions. I couldn’t believe the similar experiences we shared, not only physically, but also emotionally and energetically—we were so much aligned, it was as if I were having a conversation with myself.
A few things differed, however. She was a great deal older than I was and she had pretty much EVERY Rheumatological disorder in the book—many of which are quite a possibility for me, given the symptoms I have been experiencing lately. I was frankly blown away by how highly she was functioning, given all of her ailments. I mean she apologized to me for using the handicapped stall, for God’s sake!!! And I was in complete awe of her JOY and HAPPINESS despite her crappy situation.
And then it all became clear—all the signs seemed to connect and converge on this very moment. That thing of which I was afraid and needed to let go, in order to move forward, was staring me right in the face.
It was all about being honest with myself and needing to acknowledge a fear, only this fear was unknown to me until now.
I was not afraid of the potential “what if’s” of my symptoms—there’s a fifty-fifty chance of EVERYTHING either happening or not happening, and I will deal with whichever circumstance as it arises. I was, however, doubting how I would deal with said circumstances—and that scared the shit out of me.
I was afraid of my self-doubt and that was the fear of which I needed to let go. I knew I had gotten through way more difficult situations than what I could be facing and it was killing me that I was doubting my ability and my inner strength.
However, meeting that woman in the bathroom, the one with ALL of the shitty rheumatological circumstances, assuaged my fear of self-doubt. Because we were soooo much alike—in our determination, playfulness, hopefulness, zest for life, and our ability to find JOY when bringing HAPPINESS to others—it reignited the flame in my heart that I could thrive and be HAPPY, regardless of my external situations…And for that I was forever grateful!!!
So not only has my fear of self-doubt been alleviated—which has thankfully stopped that nagging sensation that’s been creeping up to thwart my inner calm, peace, and HAPPINESS—but I’ve also gained some more insight into my process of FINDING THE HAPPY IN THE CRAPPY…
“Becoming Chronically Fabulous” and embracing the tools of HONESTY, GRATITUDE, SELF-LOVE, ACCEPTANCE, and PATIENCE—in order to look within to create our HAPPY—is not always a sequential process, as I had previously thought.
This flare-up has taught me that my method can be cyclical and non-linear.
Depending upon how long our various shitty circumstances plague us, we may need to repeat using the tools of finding inner calm, peace, and joy numerous times. For instance, I had gone through the process of each tool to the best of my conscious ability, only to find that there was an unknown fear that I later needed to honestly acknowledge—signaling the need for the process of “Becoming Chronically Fabulous” to repeat itself.
Also, the tools can be used in a non-linear fashion. In this recent scenario, the order of the tools used happened to be: (1) Patience, (2) Self-Love, (3) Acceptance, (4) Honesty, and (5) Gratitude.
The Universe had been speaking to me for a while and I needed to be PATIENT that all would be revealed. When the dots had connected and I had met the stranger in the bathroom, I permitted myself all the feels (SELF-LOVE) and processed all the signs (ACCEPTANCE). That eventually led to the realization of my fear of self-doubt and the importance of acknowledging it (HONESTY). After all, was said and done, the encounter with the woman in the bathroom left me feeling nothing but GRATITUDE!!!
So, as the Universe has spoken to me over the last few weeks, I have had great perspective shifts in my physical being as well as in my thoughts regarding FINDING THE HAPPY IN THE CRAPPY.
It isn’t always that we are in denial or purposely avoiding our fears—sometimes we don’t know they exist and they just need some time (or some help from the Universe) to come into the light.
FINDING THE HAPPY IN THE CRAPPY is an evolving process and as new shitty situations present themselves, they seem to shed new light. The tools of HONESTY, GRATITUDE, SELF-LOVE, ACCEPTANCE, and PATIENCE are quite effective when going inside ourselves to search for calm, peace, and joy—leading to fabulous results, regardless of external forces. In effect, calling the process by which we embrace said tools “Becoming Chronically Fabulous” seems to be a good fit…
To sum things up, as the Universe Speaks, monumental changes can happen in our physical and mental states…the question is—Are we listening???
Life is always changing and evolving. For instance, we see that in the change of seasons no two plants grow the same from season to season. Nature shows us how to remain open and allow these changes at the same time, enjoying every moment to the fullest on this journey of life.
Each moment is filled with itsmagic and mystery, and we need only to let go of thought patterns that desire to control an outcome of feeling secure or setting expectations as to how we think a life experience should be.
When we allow ourselves to embrace the fact that uncertainty is inevitable, we step into an expansive mindset of awareness. We choose to see that all things are possible, and we live detached from expectations and control. From here, we are better able to see new opportunities and solutions in the present moment.
This week I encourage you to live from a visionary perspective. Able to see experience from a broader panoramic view and watch how your world opens up to more possibilities!
Mindfully yours,
Nancy
Let yourself be drawn by the stronger pull of that which you truly love.
~Rumi
My work isn’t always easy. It can be overwhelming at times. It can also be exhausting – I’m dealing with the emotions and personal experiences of other people. Challenging the status quo comes often with a steep emotional toll. I have learned how to handle my emotional exhaustion before it turns to burnout.Often, I go where I feel most alive and spend time in solitude.Yesterday, I went to the ocean just to enjoy the sound of waves on the shore. The sight and sound of waves at the beach have an incredibly calming effect on me. Watching the sun set behind the blue waters literally took my breath away. It was a magical experience.
The most unexpected thing happened as I listened to the waves within me. I literally felt my heart opening up again after such a long time. It was a moment of deep growth for me as I courageously ventured into the waters of my heart.
As I dove deeper into my heart, I started feeling this overwhelmingly intense energy with me. I felt alive again.Love is the most powerful force in the Universe. You can access it anytime you want to..you are loved….it is within you.
A holiday message from our house to yours. If you’re living with someone near and dear to you, you’re likely attuned to their moods, values, likes, and dislikes. It’s a big part of being human to sense actions and behaviors of those around us, especially people we love and cherish. With the holidays approaching, and possibly with a desire to put a tough year/era/season behind you, it can be useful to take cues from those people, and to be more sensitive to the emanations they’ll pick up on.
Recently, while writing Journey Well, we had occasion to explore this aspect of relationships, and the experience was revealing. The chapter involved the necessity of ‘forgiveness.’ That morning, I realized that Mariah was out of sorts, even a bit hypersensitive about something. It turned out the forgiveness exploration had uncovered a painful episode from her childhood. Here’s the story, taken directly from Chapter 3 of Journey Well, You Are More Than Enough:
We had been working on “forgiveness” in this book. My distress came from paradigms I learned at catechism lessons. At the tender age of seven, catholic kids make their “first confession,” a rite meant to cleanse their souls of sin. When I entered the confessional at seven, I told the priest I had no sins. My statement elicited a blistering rebuke from the man behind the screen. He demanded that I manufacture a few sins so he could be benevolent and forgive me. When I wouldn’t do it, he called my mother to come pick me up. Mom was not amused at my statement to the priest that I had no sins to confess.
Lest you wonder, dear reader, I’ve since rectified the situation; I now have many things which need confessing. These days, I bypass the priestly intervention and go straight to the source. It seems to work out better for all concerned.
The lesson is simple: If you or someone close to you feels out of sorts, or unusually sensitive, it may be useful to examine where those feelings came from. It may be therapeutic to unpack them, dive in, take yourself back even to childhood and relive the experience, or at least explore it. The reason this is important now is that the holidays inevitably dredge up feelings and sensitivities we manage to ignore or suppress for the rest of the year. People we love and cherish are feeling the hyper-sensitive emotions and memories as well, so raise your radar antenna and scan for those signals.
The other side of the story is this: In writing about forgiveness in Journey Well, it became clear as holy water to us that those we must forgive above all others is ourselves. This may be the best indulgence to be had during the holiday season.
From our house to yours, Happy Holidays, and let’s have an amazing 2023!
Our perspective is based on our life experiences, current situations, feelings, beliefs, and stress. It is impacted by our families and friends as well. It may seem difficult at times to shift your perspective from negative to positive when life becomes too challenging. Our life experiences change constantly making our perspective ever-changing also. Yet, it is the key to finding joy, peace, and happiness in our lives. Al Neuharth once said, “the difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective.” I love this quote because it shows that our perspective can shift the way we look at our life, even in the worst situations. And through my challenges, I have connected with this belief that perspective makes things magical even amidst chaos. On those difficult days, shifting my perspective and recognizing my progress helped place life into focus unveiling the positive moments of each day.
Creating this shift in perspective is a lifestyle choice. It requires persistence, perseverance, consistency, and repetition. And through this process, you begin to learn, heal and evolve through the challenges life brings.
My journey started 13 years ago and there were plenty of bumpy roads and rollercoaster experiences. But I knew deep inside that I needed to heal the physical body to create a foundational support system. And that made space for me to work on the trauma and abuse that had been hiding beneath the surface. Albert Einstein once said, “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” And that was exactly what I learned along the way. The more I focused on mindfulness, gratitude, self-love, and perspective the easier life felt. I felt happier, even if turmoil lurked in every corner or crevice. We may not be able to predict the future or clear all the obstacles that may come our way, but we do have the power to choose to shift our perspective and find the blessing in each moment.
Changing your perspective is never easy. It takes time, consistency, perseverance, and persistence. It takes practice to shift your mind from a negative thought into a positive outlook.
After all, shifting the negative voice in our heads may require our attention a multitude of times per day. Some days are usually easier than others. But, on those difficult days, filled with challenges the negative voice often gets into overdrive. And those stressful days require constant redirection and may feel overwhelming. I must emphasize, it was not easy but it was absolutely worth the effort. When I began to see challenges through this new perspective, I recognized each experience was an opportunity. And the difficult, overwhelming, and stressful days diminished exponentially. And suddenly things from my bucket list no longer felt impossible. And I began to work towards the future, as I realized my daily visualization was helping me keep the shift more stable.
My perspective has been shifting consistently on my journey to healing the emotional and physical root of my chronic illness, severe digestive issues, and anxiety. But like anything in life healing goes through phases: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. The first 10 years were physical and geared towards healing by reducing prescriptions and symptoms of disease and illness. The last 3 years were spiritual and emotional geared towards reducing overwhelming feelings by unraveling the root cause of my illness, trauma, and self-limiting beliefs. The quote that paved the way for my perspective shift was, “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change” by Wayne Dyer. And this premise gave me insights to begin some mindfulness practices that helped shift my perspective and fuel my day with a positive outlook. And I will share a few of those strategies that fueled me over the years.
Strategies to Shift your Perspective:
- Breathe Deep and slow – take in 10 slow deep breaths with your eyes closed. My favorite is the 5-5-5 breath. Imagine you are moving the air up your spine to the crown of your head. Breath in 5 seconds. Hold your breath for 5 seconds. And exhale slowly.
- Lay down in dragonfly position and combine with 5-5-5 Breath. A great way to start your day with a new energy and perspective.
- Take 5 minutes to meditate or listen to a guided meditation. A simple meditation is to visualize your day. Imagine each moment from self-care, meals, meetings, driving, etc. Imagine them all happening beautifully. And focus on noticing the way you feel in those moments.
- When that negative voice pops into your head, recite an affirmation and take several deep breaths as you let it sink in. You can try, “I am worthy of living, loving, and having the dream.” Or “I am good enough and I will get through this.”
Now, it is up to you. Do you choose to shift your perspective? Do you choose to find the blessings amidst the chaos? Do you choose to make lemonade out of lemons? Yes, well it all starts with self-love, mindfulness, and a decision to make the shift. I hope you feel inspired to practice some self-loving perspective shifts and begin to experience the magic in your life.
Author’s Note 2022: More than two years have elapsed since I first recorded my thoughts on the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic on individuals and society and posted these in an article on LinkedIn, yet I would make the case that if nothing else, these observations remain as valid and trenchant as they ever were.
Subsequently, many people endured significant disruptions to their personal and working lives, including extended lockdowns and small business closures, in some instances, mandated “vaccinations” (which interestingly, did not confer immunity and potentially held, at least for some recipients, serious side effects, up to and including death), negative impacts on personal and professional relationships, and more.
As pandemic fatigue set in, global conflicts erupted, including a significant kinetic escalation of Russian adventurism and aggression in Ukraine; continued CCP belligerence and aggression towards Taiwan with suggestions that reunification with the Chinese Mainland by force if necessary was very much on the table; what appears to be an increasingly unstable global economy with rampant inflation; questions about the integrity of elections here in the United States, the alleged bastion of democracy (via a government structured as a Republic); most recently, significant layoffs in the Technology sector, in many cases involving well-compensated white collar workers, suggesting over-hiring or potentially questionable business models…
The list goes on. One doesn’t have to look too far to wonder what fresh horrors await the next reveal if one is so inclined to do so.
What follows is only lightly edited from the original.
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As we approach the final quarter of 2020, which I think for much of humanity may be defined as, “The Year of the Pandemic,” I think we all acknowledge that this has been a difficult and challenging year for many, if not most, and outright traumatic for others. It exposes vulnerabilities in ourselves, in our societies, and perhaps even in humanity itself.
For those who are struggling with certain realities and/or changes in current circumstances brought on or magnified by this year, rather than dwell on the negatives or suffering that we perceive, it affords us a very important opportunity. That opportunity, whether out of choice or necessity, is to take a good hard look inside, and perhaps seek to recalibrate ourselves, or better identify, define, and align our core values and our priorities.
Although we may not have wished for this, 2020 is a year of lessons, both individual and collective, and perhaps one that can enable #transformation and #transition into an improved version of ourselves. And perhaps by sharing, particularly any actionable lessons, we may at least comfort, and even benefit others.
On a personal level, like many others, I increasingly am forced to confront my own mortality, and to appreciate that none of us know the number of our days. Furthermore, many things can change without warning, or with very limited notice, and there are things that are simply beyond our control. Yet, what is within our control is how we respond and adapt. A critical lesson for me is the necessity not only of reading and seeking to truly understand certain philosophical approaches or traditions, but the practice of being able to live those lessons accordingly. For example, author Ryan Holiday has done a very commendable job of bringing Western #stoic philosophy to the forefront in recent years, and making it more accessible, I think, to a wider audience.
But the truth is, until we actually have to measure up to some of the ideals put forth by people like Marcus Aurelius or Seneca, consuming words is very different than living the underlying virtues. The same goes for my own long-standing interest in Ch’an (Zen) Buddhist and Taoist thought (integrated into Shaolin Temple teachings), as expressed by sages such as Lao Tzu, Chuang Tzu, and even warriors turned philosophers such as Miyamoto Musashi. It is one thing to read, appreciate, and even savor the words and ideas, but can we govern ourselves with them?
I’ve long understood the importance of #resiliency and #perseverance, but these are demonstrated through our actions and attitude, and not through empty platitudes. Yes, you may hurt temporarily, or rage against the “unfairness” of it all, or disappointments or setbacks in your career or personal life, and it’s true that the Universe does not necessarily apportion or distribute pain or challenges equally.
So what?Raging against such inequality solves nothing, and is certainly beyond our ability to influence or change. This teaches #empathy, something that we arguably can never experience too much of. For me, this also has presented the opportunity to more deeply appreciate (and strive to implement more holistically) Eastern spiritual traditions that have long resonated with me, confronting the concept of #suffering and its recognition via the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path to alleviate this.
I’ve learned the incalculable value of having at least one true friend to confide in, even while acknowledging that such people are not necessarily easy to find, and when we do, we must count our blessings.
Perhaps there is comfort in thinking of such a party as a “kindred soul,” but that’s a very personal outlook. I will confess, however, that I do draw comfort from a belief that the Universe does see fit for certain people to cross our paths, and to fulfill an important role that we may or may not recognize at the time, whether they are in our life for a brief, passing moment or for a longer period of time.
Through one such friend, in particular, I’ve learned that #vulnerability is not something that will always be exploited, manipulated, or perceived as weakness, even if prior life experiences for a time had convinced me otherwise. Sometimes we must be willing to let our guard down, and to recognize that another soul truly wants to connect, and recognizes that despite one’s flaws or shortcomings, this is not a deterrent to the qualities that drew two people together in the first place.
Learning to let go has been another theme arising from that interaction. Let go of blame, of shame, of doubt, of guilt. While it may be commendable to try to be strong and resolute all of the time, in truth we are not, and this does not make us a “burden” on those who truly care for us. I still wrestle with that one, in all honesty, but I like to think I’m coming to terms with it. And in closing, for now, I’ve also learned why, no matter what, we must keep the faith that a better tomorrow can and will come.
Dearest hearts, may we remind you that abundance is not confined to your bank balance. Although we recognize that money is the energy of exchange used most often in today’s world, we must stress that a person rich in coin who is poor in love for self and others is poorer than the one who is without home and sustenance. Abundance is not a matter of money.
When you take your focus away from the numbers in your bank account and place it solely on your state of well-being, you will be pleased to discover an upwelling of abundance in every area of your life
Money, your current measure of success, is like the waves in an ocean. It ebbs and flows as need or desire arises but abundance, which is energy, doesn’t need to become a trickle or a flood, it can be kept in a steady flow that will ensure all of your needs are met. It is to this state of fulfillment that we wish to direct your attention at this time. When you take your focus away from the numbers in your bank account and place it solely on your state of well-being, you will be pleased to discover an upwelling of abundance in every area of your life. As you focus on what’s right, what feels good, what brings you joy, and how you can contribute to the world around you, the entirety of your being begins to rise. First, you’ll experience an improved mood and better sleep, then you’ll begin enjoying a greater sense of physical vitality and increased clarity of mind and, finally, you’ll see that your material well-being increases.
Since you, just like money, are a vibrational product, you can offer complimentary or contradictory energy to the vibration of money and in turn to the vibration of abundance
Understand that money is not the master. Money by itself is without power and has no ability to effect change. It’s the energy behind the currency that determines whether it will be used for good or ill. Since you, just like money, are a vibrational product, you can offer complimentary or contradictory energy to the vibration of money and in turn to the vibration of abundance. This vibrational offering goes beyond money and indicates an overall sense of well-being. We mentioned before that a poverty of love for self and others is the poorest spirit but now let us explain why. When you hold love in your heart, you’re in a state of expansion. This expanded state draws to you everything that is like itself. This includes everything that either holds or can be used to create expansion. Expansion is the greatest state because it most imitates the Divine beingness of completion.
Money, may or may not signify expansion. Money that’s used to uplift, inspire, encourage and motivate others is money used in the most magnetic way possible. This money energy will attract more goodness and fulfillment as it creates a life of joyful ease for the user. Money that’s used to show off, gain power and subjugate others generates negative energy, and those who use money in this way, as a club to beat others down, will find they’re unable to enjoy what they’ve collected. There will be no life of ease and joy to be found, instead there will be disharmony in relationships, illness in the body and/or mind, and upheaval in many directions.
Within every situation, no matter how bleak, there’s an element of right. Your job is to find it.
The secret to abundance is not to be found in your ability to collect and hoard large sums of money but instead to align with the highest good in every situation. When you allow yourself to serve with the gifts you have been granted, you’ll experience abundant well-being throughout your body and your life. You may not be the wealthiest person in the room but you’ll be the most abundant. Serving by offering your gifts doesn’t mean working for no pay. Serving by giving, means giving your best to every situation and person you encounter, and in turn expecting to receive the best for your efforts. It means that you look for and find all that’s right in the world and then share that with others. Instead of negative or condemning self-talk and conversations you look for, honor and respect all that is going right and help others to do the same. This is not you expressing the Pollyanna viewpoint of naivete but a realistic look at everything that represents good, worth, and blessings for all. This doesn’t mean you look at what’s wrong and pretend it’s good. No, this practice suggests that you look at what is and find every good thing contained within it. Within every situation, no matter how bleak, there’s an element of right. Your job is to find it.
When you’re surrounded by everything that feels good and is right you’ll be overflowing with abundance
Living an abundant life doesn’t mean pretending to be grateful when your belly is empty or your soul is weary. Being abundant is a state of being that includes both blessing and receiving. As you look for and focus upon what’s right in every situation, you’ll call to yourself more that’s right. When you’re surrounded by everything that feels good and is right you’ll be overflowing with abundance. A steady stream of blessings will find you as you continue to bless others with your gifts and the light of love that is your authentic being.
True abundance is a life lived from the heart in which blessings stream from you and to you in a never-ending river of prosperity
Abundance is your birthright, it’s available to all and it’s unlimited. However, it’s not confined to the numbers in your bank balance. True abundance is a life lived from the heart in which blessings stream from you and to you in a never-ending river of prosperity.
There are three core aspects of a stable awakening. Recognising who you are. Recognising what you’re not. And seeing that those apparent two are essentially one: nondual. This piece is taken from The Complete Book of Awakening and is at the beginning of the second step of that awakening process. Reproduced with permission.
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Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
~Arthur Conan Doyle
In Part One we’ve explored who you are. You may be beginning to notice that there is something constant in your experience, which we are suggesting is who you essentially are. The recognition, and deepening of this recognition, is awakening.
But it’s not actually a ‘thing’, this ‘something’ you’ve begun to notice. It’s not something of form that you can point at, look at, handle, manipulate. It’s something that you can do your best to describe with words like peace, contentment, open, spacious, free…but having ‘no words’ is perfectly OK too.
Now, in Part Two, we’re going to see what you are not. In traditional teachings of this understanding this is called the ‘neti neti’ process, which means, ‘not this, not this’. This describes a process of eliminating all the things that are not our essential self. This more tangible approach is helpful, given the ineffable qualities of who you essentially are that we looked at in Part One. What can’t be removed once everything removable has been taken out is, by definition, who you are.
Of course, nothing is actually ‘taken out’ — that would be impossible. Nothing is being thrown away or discarded. A healthy awakening exploration includes all of experience — but in order to untangle what has become tangled in our minds, it is helpful to work through this apparent elimination process.
In Part Three we will return to the integration of everything that we called ‘not this’.
This is a very modern exploration. We’ve turned classic spiritual schooling on its head, by beginning with ‘who you are’, rather than ‘what you are not’. The reason for this is we’re no longer looking at life-long paths of religious devotion and withdrawal from society. Awakening is not reserved for the elite few. So, awakening is immediately available, but the fact remains that as we grew up to have a stable sense of self in the world, alongside that we picked up a lot of extra baggage. Now it’s time to address that baggage.
A bit like doing an evaporation experiment in the chemistry lab, we’re now evaporating off everything that isn’t essential to us, evaporating all the extra baggage, which inevitably leaves only the essential. Only that which cannot be removed.
We referred to this extra baggage in Chapter Two when we described what we mean by the term ‘suffering’. Suffering is happening wherever something looks like a problem, like it should be different than how it is, like it requires a lot of effort, or like it’s overwhelming or impossible.
These responses to life are the signal that we have become identified with something that is not essential to who we are. And so, Part Two is all about recognising the areas of experience where we have become identified or collected baggage.
You may well find that suffering arises during your exploration of Part Two because the narrative mind resists what it deems to be dangerous, on behalf of an imagined separate self. And, to the narrative mind, this process seems dangerous.
We can assure you that this is a safe exploration, that nothing is actually being taken away, removed or discarded. All we are doing is disentangling who we really are from what we are not.
Given this context, our growing sense of who we are is foundational as we explore what we’re not. It makes it far easier to begin to recognise and put down the baggage. There will still be challenges — but knowing who we are gives us a touchstone to retreat to and a direction to head. This sense of self supports us in re-understanding a lot of what we thought we were.
In practice this means you may well find an urge to go back to Part One at times, as each step of our ‘not this’ process will bring the question of who you are into increasing focus. What follows now is a movement back and forth between who we are and what we are not — becoming ever clearer with each iteration.
A word on how we are approaching this.As before, we invite you to come into Part Two open, with your curious explorer’s hat on. We will be offering explorations as we did in Part One. If you want to remind yourself about how to get the most from them, you can pop back to Exploration 1.1.
Here we are looking at the many things we’ve been taught and taken to be the truth, or which we hold as conceptual ideas, but which don’t in fact align with our experience of life. These kinds of confusions clutter up the system, as we wrangle between what’s actually happening and what has been believed.
Given this backdrop, again we’re inviting you to be a scientist. Not the kind that does double-blind control studies, or creates new conceptual models of reality. We’re starting with the simple science of individual exploration. Arguably the closest to reality we can get.
Although there are now many scientific concepts that point to the same understanding that we’re talking about, we want to keep this very much in the actual experience you have in everyday life. Things get so much easier from there as we put the horse rightfully back in front of the cart.
As we walk through this section, notice any times when fear arises. It is very normal for the self-preservation thought mechanism to don its security guard’s cap and for us to experience that as suffering. The security guard tries to keep this conversation at bay. It does this with the intention of keeping us safe.
Indeed, the security guard mind could be right, if we truly were the things this book suggests we are not. If these things were essential to our being. In reality, the only ‘thing’ being threatened is a belief. An idea of who we are. How many new ideas have you had, over the years? How many beliefs have changed or fallen away? How many times have you changed your mind? Do your daytime thoughts, ideas and beliefs disappear every night when you fall asleep? And still, you are here, fundamentally undamaged and unchanged by ideas and beliefs.
This idea of who we are (who we think ourselves to be and what we think is essential to us) is a closer-in belief, a more well-rehearsed one, but a belief all the same. Made of the same stuff as all ideas and beliefs.
Do you remember in Exploration 3.3, in Part One, where you noticed a time of flow and how good that flow felt? Ironically, the learned safety mechanisms creating fear are keeping us away from that very positive experience of flow. Does it seem scary or dangerous to feel more in flow? Or, in flow were you actually more yourself? This point can help us counter the fearful thoughts with real experience, instead of the imagined danger.
We can acknowledge the thought, “This is dangerous,” but we don’t have to follow it or believe it.
And know that whatever happens, you’re OK. If who we are is essentially stable and secure, we can be OK in everything life brings to us. We have a foundation for the OK-ness of who we are in Part One, so we are safe to begin to explore what we are not. Which means we can ask the security guard to step aside and allow this exploration to continue.
Awakening is a beautifully reliable process. At any point you feel you need to, you can put the book to the side for a while. There’s no shame in taking time to do other things, and for moving at your own pace.
Our experience with clients shows us that sustainable awakening comes when we follow the process. When we explore through the layers of who we are and what we are not, then bring it all back together again — as we do in this book. But, more than that, we know to honour your timing and how the process shows up for you.
As a reminder, throughout this book each exploration we offer you has:
- a question (these are sometimes referred to as “self-enquiry”)
- a suggestion of what you might find, which is some logic that bridges from inner knowing to outer expression
- an experiment so you can test it out
- a working conclusion — something you can challenge, evolve and develop in life.
All four are vital in an honest exploration: question, suggestion, experiment, conclusion. And all reflect the approach of good science: self-enquiry, logic, and testing it out in life.
To aid the exploration process in Part Two we are now bringing in raw experience, to add to the direct experience we’ve been using to explore in Part One. You might remember from the Introduction that in raw experience we are aware of bodily sensations and the information of the five senses in their simplest form — absent of labels, comparisons or judgements.
If that feels unfamiliar to you just now, don’t worry, we’ll guide you through it in each exploration so that you’ll become increasingly familiar with it as we go along.
Wherever you see the headphones symbol, you can access a free audio recording of that experiment at thoughtfulraven.co.uk
And the download symbol indicates we have a free download available on the website.
Let’s begin with an exploration to demonstrate this neti neti, or evaporation, process that we’re about to embark on.
Mia Moran is an expert who helps moms and busy wives to plan and simplify life. She is a mom of three and a coach who also makes time for wellness and shows overwhelmed women how they can make time for it all too. She is the host of the PlanSimple podcast, bestselling author of PlanSimple Meals, and creator of the FLOW Planning Method and the 90-Day FLOW Planner.
Here’s what you will discover in the Brand New Episode:
- How a way of eating helped her change for the better.
- The unique experience that made her realize, “How to think about time the right way.”
- What does flow planning mean and how does it help people live consciously?
- Why it’s essential to think about time and create the life we desire.
- Why is thinking about life holistically important.
- The 4 areas to think about our goals.
- How to create a successful blueprint and be committed to it. & so much more about business and life.
Do you have an unhealthy habit you are struggling to break? Or do you have a healthy habit you are trying to make a habit but are finding it difficult to adopt? Are you asking yourself why this is so darn hard to break or begin?
Our brain has a simple default mode for our responses in life. First, you have a trigger, then there’s an accompanying behavior, and the outcome is either a result or a reward. This behavior is automatic; it is how habits are formed. Being in this habit mode is like unconsciously putting yourself on autopilot.
First, you must recognize what you are doing. I tell my clients awareness is power. Be aware of the habit and see it for what it is. Don’t judge it; just see it.
Secondly, explore and understand the reward or result achieved from the behavior.
Mindfulness teaches us to witness our own life experiences. I like to use the analogy that it is like watching our own life movie.
Then ask yourself, what will this give me? Is this in my best interest?
Living mindfully aware, you observe with love and kindness how you are showing up in the present moment. It is at that moment you have the power to change. Taking that powerful pause, you can reevaluate the behavior. It’s not forcing yourself to change or berating yourself for not changing; instead, it sees it for what it is and encourages a state of willingness and neutrality to navigate.
This week I encourage you to apply this to a habit you are trying to break or adapt. As always, I am here to assist with a proven system that works to rewire the brain. If you want to learn, simply reach out to me below!
Mindfully yours,
Nancy
“Who are you Being is everything!” – Steve Hardison
As a coach, I see countless extraordinary human beings who think of themselves poorly. Somehow someone made them feel less than at some point in their lives, and that feeling stuck with them so permanently that they could not see past it. I know that feeling. I know that voice that says you are not worthy, you are not as important, you are not enough, and you will never get where you want to be. You will never be who you want to be.
They cannot see for a minute the brilliance and the beauty they already have. Instead of experiencing life as this beautiful mystery unfolding, filled with opportunities, possibilities, and joy, they stay where they are, terrified to make a change.
Why? Because most of us don’t see life as something we create but as something given to us with many conditions and strings attached. We don’t even bother exploring what might be possible if we – god forbid – even entertain the idea of changing things. The status quo is comfortable, even if it is boring, unhappy, and limiting.
We feel unhappy in our personal lives but make excuses to stay in our marriages. We suffocate ourselves at work, sometimes experiencing bullying, mobbing, and discrimination. Some of us simply want to do something different, but we think we cannot risk losing the financial comfort we have. We live life like a frog, slowly boiled alive, unaware that we are the ones who get to choose who we are BEING!
Seriously – Who are you BEING?
Does any of this resonate with you? Because if it does, I have good news for you. You got the power, you are the creator, and life is a beautiful design that you get to manifest.
You are whatever word you choose to add after I AM!
You are brilliant.
You are gorgeous.
You are worthy.
You are capable of creating your reality every day!
You are shaping your life by choosing, every morning, what you decide to create. It is up to you to focus on what you don’t have or cherish what you have. It is up to you to carve time to BE instead of DO every day. Also, it is up to you to say today is a great day, and I am choosing to have fun!
It is just that simple! All the Law of Attraction, The Secret, and everything you have heard of in between is about that. It is about what you choose to focus on and who you choose to BE. And to practice that, slightly changing your thoughts, attitude and actions go a long way toward realizing your power to create. You always had that power. You just forgot you had it. Go ahead and reclaim it!
You are a Human BEING who can realize anything when you create enough motivation. Do not wait for that motivation to come from outside or others because if you do, you might waste your life doing that. Create it yourself. Not tomorrow, not someday! Today! Now! Because you can if you choose to. You are that powerful. Please accept your power!
Your attitude originates in your mind and is formed by your predominate thoughts and beliefs about yourself and life as a whole.
A postmodern-day understanding of the aforementioned concept can be facilitated by the understanding that the altitude of one’s “attitude” is a viable component in accessing the blessings that life has already bestowed upon us. While it may appear that many of the blessings resulting in our exalted happiness are missing, they, in fact, are not; many of our blessings lie before us in the unseen realm of our consciousness waiting to be actualized. The logic of this will become self-evident in chapter four. For now, suffice it to say the quintessential question is, what is the proper attitude upon which to “be” focused? Understanding the role your attitude plays in actualizing an abundance of blessings in every area of your life is the first point of order.
Anyone who has read even one of the plethora of self-help books that flood the book market knows that your attitude has much to do with the overall quality of your life, and, irrespective of whether you know it or not, the destiny of your life as well.
William James wrote, “The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.” This is good news! The other news is no one can alter your attitude of mind but you. In his classic book, Spiritual Economics, Eric Butterworth states, “Attitudes are forerunners of conditions.” Another way to say it would be you are always becoming cause to your own effect, or, as the master teachers from antiquity might say, “As within, so without…As above, so below…It is done unto you as you believe,” and so on.
My point is a healthy attitude about life will be self-evident in an abundance of overarching good in every other area of your life. If there appears to be a shortfall of abundance in any area of your life it would be well worth your time to examine your attitude in relationship to that specific area of your life; open your mind to the idea that there is more to know—that with the correct attitude another way to “be” abundantly fulfilled will reveal itself. It is my desire that every person is empowered to seek and find their way to the source of their own highest good—a life of complete abundance—by understanding that the altitude of their attitude will chart the glide path to their arrival.
I’ve been seeing it everywhere — all the ways we make ourselves wrong: second-guessing, doubting, wondering if what I’m experiencing is the right thing to be experiencing. Here’s what I’ve come to see. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve become increasingly aware of all the ways we imagine we’re wrong, or getting it wrong.
I’ve noticed how much we dismiss or doubt our very own experience.
How much we assume it should be different than it is.
How we are so afraid that we are getting it wrong. That I am wrong.
And I’ve increasingly seen the untruth and un-loving-ness of this.
It Struck Me When… a client said ‘I’m feeling anxious. But then, that’s just a thought, right?’
My heart broke slightly. Because this lady was dismissing her own experience — dismissing herself — in favour of something she’d heard, which had once had a beautiful and big impact on how she felt, but which was now just being reeled off like a trite line because it was the right thing to say, think or believe in order to feel better.
This is what can happen, in an exploration of who we really are, and how our human experience is created: the mind can so quickly come in and commandeer what had once been heard deeply, and beautifully. Taking all the love and shine out of it as it begins to wield the phrase at every opportunity, as though it were the words that had the power.
The words never had the power. It was you who had the power. Who is the power?
It is the light that you are which heard and saw that light in the face and words of another. The words were secondary to that. You saw yourself with clarity — that’s what felt good when you first heard those words and they impacted you. It wasn’t the words.
But because this isn’t clear… and because we’ve been conditioned away from ourselves for so many years, we soon forget what that light and good feeling really were. And we soon fall back into old habits of thought. And old habits of using words as though it were the words themselves that held the magic.
The next thing we know… we’re dismissing our very own experience as ‘just thought’ — subtly making ourselves wrong for feeling like this. Believing I should know better than to still be having this kind of experience.
In this we subtly resist the anxiety (or stress, or worry, or frustration, or feelings of failure, or…) by saying ‘I don’t like this…this shouldn’t be here…how do I get rid of this… oh, I know!…tell myself ‘it’s just a thought’.
Doing what we’ve done for so long—
- feel a ‘bad’ feeling
- get fearful of that experience
- make ourselves wrong for having it
- try to find a way to make it change so I can feel better again (and not be wrong anymore).
When what we really want is… love and unconditional understanding.
What the anxiety (or other ‘yukky’ experience) really wants is love and unconditional understanding.
What you wanted as a child when you began to become fearful of your experience, and you began to be taught that you were wrong for feeling the way you did, was love and unconditional understanding.
What you really want now, is love and unconditional understanding.
What you really want is yourself.
To know — deeply know — the good feelings of yourself as who you really are.
To know — deeply know — that who you really are is all you’ve ever been looking for.
To know — deeply know — that all you’ve ever been looking for is the unconditional love of yourself that says ‘You are not wrong. You are perfect just as you are. Including all the ‘yukky’ feelings.’
How does this feel to you?Maybe if I share what I wrote in reply to a community member on a similar theme recently…feel it as you read…
The child forgets their essential nature. And they live a life trying to maintain the experience they’ve been taught is good and acceptable, because they’ve been told they have to — in order to be included, loved, accepted, to stay alive. In order to not be wrong. And then, one day, their heart hears a message that reminds them of what they knew as a kid and they begin to remember that they are the very source of all choices, the source of all change, and the source of all the love, inclusion and accepted-ness they could ever wish for.
Remember yourself.
Remember there is nothing wrong with you.
With love, Helen
I had a day recently that was eye-opening for me.I was running by the East River in the chilly morning hours when I scanned a man who was walking past me. He wasn’t of the “typical attire” for the morning East River exercisers, so I was mindful about doing a scan for safety. (Sometimes, people break out into bouts of mental illness or behavior, albeit not often.)
When we locked eyes, it was obvious that I knew him from somewhere else. This was a guy who used to come into my old job. He was distinguishable by his crossed eyes. He used to come in, sit at the same spot at the bar, and order the same thing.
He was homeless at the time and panhandling and hustling in Port Authority for money. He only came in when he had a particularly good day. I would listen to stories about his life while I made drinks in the service bar.
It was wild to see him again.
One of the first things he told me while standing by the river was that he wasn’t homeless anymore. He said God was good, and he was living with his niece uptown, and walking his nephew to school every day.
He told me there were many times he slept on a bench, right there on my running route. He described it as “the last bench before it gets skinny.” If you run by the East River, you know exactly the place. He also said he was sober a week and a half, which my olfactory senses determined was perhaps a mistruth. Still, I encouraged him to continue his sobriety, as life can only get better. We can only go forward.
We shared many hugs, and after about 15-20 minutes, I went on my way, grateful for that very cool Easter Egg.
Many hours later, unrelated to the morning, I calculated how much money I made in 2022.
I had a lot of learning to do, and that number reflected that.
And still, I found myself swimming in this tremendous pride about it. Because I was forced, through my discomfort, to build and change; to renegotiate my limiting beliefs and make things happen by serving people in new ways.
I told someone I’m very close to about it, and it triggered for them some upset about their own ability to earn money.
I felt sad for doing this, and confused, perhaps also. Confused because I’ve been fed the idea… well, not even fed–
I’ve had the idea that “IT IS NOT ENOUGH” shoved down my throat by Western Society, and to be honest, many people I’m close with.
I’d allowed myself for a lot of the year to proclaim “it’s not enough! Work harder!”
And yet, my working hard doesn’t have anything to do with it. I actually do better when I work less hard, and I just connect with the humans.
I was confused about whether I was doing “good” or “not good,” something I insist my clients eliminate doing.
My day ended relatively late with a third conversation. I was just about to turn my light off when I got a phone call. It was from one of my most affluent friends, and we spoke for a good 45 minutes about things this person plans to do in the very recent future. As I heard these stories of experiences that are so far removed from my current reality, I finally noticed myself in the comparison trap.
I noticed that perhaps for the third time that day, I was changing my beliefs about myself based on what I was experiencing and what I was observing.
I was grateful for my home in the morning. I also felt appreciated and connected, running into that old acquaintance.
I was shameful for my home in the evening, and I felt very much disconnected.
And somewhere in the middle, I was trying to reconcile my pride for how well I’ve done this year, and yet justify that it isn’t enough because some family and friends say so.
I felt guilty for bringing up a trigger for someone I love, and then I felt more guilt for being quiet about everything for months to avoid that trigger for them.
I realized at no point during any of the experiences was I just “Andee, having her experience.” In each instance, I, effectively, was someone else in ego.
When my stepfather was teaching me to drive, he said the key to it was to “know where you are versus where everything else is at.” For it, I’m an awesome driver.
The functions of the brain that operate when you drive are judgment and discernment. You could drive from New York City to California and do most of it unconsciously. (A year ago, I did just that.)
It’s so unconscious, the way the brain discerns. And, those functions are also responsible for the narrative I’ve just relayed.
The brain does this same thing when we’re in a room with another human. It judges where we are at versus where someone else is at.
In Kabbalah they say the second another person enters the room, we are disconnected from the light.
And when we’re alone, we’re not.
As I sit here and write this, I’m not disconnected. I’m more sure that I’m in the right place than I’ve ever been.
And yet, when another person comes in, that shifts.
There’s no way to alter the brain to completely turn off judgment or discernment. If you could, you’d be dead in a day.
Rather, it’s important to notice when story is attached to the discernment.
We’re all here to learn lessons in the cohesive whole, and we often forget that. We allow ourselves to fall into a place where we don’t feel enough.
And yet, there’s divinity.
As the observer of my experience, you can likely see how I am the constant in it. My divinity did not change in any of those circumstances. I was the same light in all those conversations with all of those people.
I do not think it was a coincidence they all occurred on the same day. And, if it was, my soul had a learning agenda, and chose those conversations to pay attention to.
As you go about your week, see if you can shift into the position of observer. Just as you observed my experience as an outsider, see if you can do so for your own.
I guarantee you’ll see yourself in a new light, rather than in a judgmental one.
You’ll see how you are so perfect and so valuable, and it doesn’t change because someone else enters the room.
"Perfection is unattainable and unrealistic. It is a goal that places overwhelming expectations on us, those we love, and our experiences." ...
"How can you create more boundaries to ensure work remains a harmonious passion, not an obsessive one?" ...
"Be open to new experiences. Embrace the unknown. And find the adventures that work for you. The results will be unique and powerful." ...
"Size Matters as it's those little things that get us to the next spot on the ladder of life." ...
"Imposter syndrome insists that others know how to do everything instantly and because you don’t you’re a failure. Yet, becoming more proficient at anything takes commitment, and commitment to craft is always rewarded with greater ability." ...
"Resilience can help us better handle the stressful situations in our lives and offer us options to recover from loss." ...
"We are all alchemists and magicians, having innate prophetic knowledge, to create and manifest through the imaginative faculty of our minds. Yet we don’t. Why?" ...
"There are two ways to navigate your life. As if it's a maze. Or as if it's amazing. We invite you to join us by making today your amazing DAY ONE." ...
"What if…, every time I experienced a breakdown, I smiled and started celebrating the breakthrough?" ...
"You can foster Positivity; it just takes awareness and effort, but it can unlock the doors to a healthier mindset when done. Furthermore, when shared with others returns to renew our spirit!" ...
"There is a journey of the heart that calls to those who are seeking something more" ...
"What are the patterns that you used, as they represent your beliefs and behavior? Did you repeat the same pattern throughout your tapestry, or are the patterns evolving, getting more and more lighter and prettier?" ...
"What if, just for today, you stopped acting like luck was something that happened for or against you and instead accepted what is and planned and executed what's next with more integrity and intention?" ...
"Just like your muscles get strong with use, your creativity gets stronger when exercised. How do you increase your creativity?" ...
"What tips and tricks can you use to step back and assess how you might create a more positive influence and impression on others and the world?" ...
"It never mattered … when you were the little kid or when you were the big kid, we just knew everyone belonged there." ...
"As I revisit my past, the pain becomes acute and tears rise to the surface, interrupting my peace. Nudging at my confidence. I remind myself that it’s ok. I’m ok." ...
"It’s with the concepts of discernment, perception, and observation that we can begin to change up our need to judge everything and allow it to simply be what it is." ...
"Life sometimes gets in the way of our dreams, passions, and aspirations. But the more we learn to find the blessings in the difficult moments the easier the journey becomes." ...
"When we purposely change failure to learning consciously it is a start; that one step. The challenge can become that creating a new belief in our ability and deserve-ability takes time … real-time, persistence, and focus." ...
"You always hear the term bucket list which equates to something someone would like to do before their time is gone." ...
"We all have such magic inside of us, and we don’t realize that an arbitrary set of rules often hinders us from accessing it." ...
"What if, just for today, we receive each moment as a small cherished piece of the whole pattern, make it welcome, and say “thank you” for coloring my life exactly this way?" ...
"We count our time not in minutes, but rather in time well spent. Counting moments without counting time is how we live a life of abundance." ...
"Mindfulness is what arises when you pay attention on purpose in the present moment and without judgment." ...
"In order to experience light, we have to experience darkness. Without darkness, we cannot appreciate light. Darkness has no power. It is merely absence of light." ...
"We are not here by accident. We are here on purpose. We are here to share, to care, to come as we are - to strike our match and shine our light." ...
"Many of us know what we need to do, however, we don’t always follow through with our actions." ...
"When is the last time you conducted an evaluation of what you allow into your mind? Is it time to conduct a fearless inventory of what is flowing into your brain?" ...
"Cathexis is not love. Control is not love. Abuse is not love. Neglect is not love. Love is love." ...
"Someone once told me the definition of hell; on your last day on earth, the person you could have become will meet the person you became." ...
"Do you ever have those days when you feel lonely, cut off, and isolated from the rest of the world?" ...
"The secret to changing your life is in your intentions. Wishing, hoping and goal setting cannot accomplish change without intention. What is needed is a shift from the inert energy of wanting to the active energy of doing and intention." ...
"In fact, finding ways to nourish ourselves and attend to our needs often requires that we put it on the calendar." ...
"When we let go of the need to control and change the things we don’t have the power to and accept what comes our way, our stress decreases significantly." ...
"Do you sometimes feel as if there is a storm raging inside of you, and that at any moment it might break through and show itself in some embarrassing outward expression?" ...
"Don’t look for an easy button: It takes courage to work hard. You have to be willing to do what others are unwilling to do." ...
"What would you do if you saw the tsunami wave coming up the shore towards you? What would you do if you were trapped in your car as it sunk below the surface of a rushing river?" ...
"Change your pants. Change your life. Change your pants. Save your life. Find out why being intentional about showing up in the world congruent with "who you are" in this world can do both." ...
"The word 'resilience' means 'to rebound.' By definition, it doesn’t describe a state of never falling, never getting hit. In fact, to be resilient we have to experience crushing forces. We have to let ourselves absorb those forces, then rebound in a way that uses them to our advantage." ...
"Our world is endangered by the absence of good ideas. Our world is in crisis because of the absence of consciousness." ...
"Have you had your daily dose of fun? It's not just enjoyable, it's also essential for your health and happiness. ..."
"Remember while not every idea has to change a nation, your idea can make yours or others’ day-to-day lives easier." ...
"Getting a positive cancer diagnosis is indeed life-altering and life-changing. It is critical to act and to move in a direction that is positive, along with acquiring a mindset of saving one's life." ...
"Do you agree that it’s in the face of tests and difficulties that human virtues like Fortitude, Endurance, and Bravery truly show up best …and inspire us to become the best version of ourselves?" ...
"With walking meditation, the goal is not to try to arrive anywhere or attain any particular goals. Our Destination is the here and now." ...
"We may not always notice the blessing in those difficult times but it is those dark moments that help us find our voice, vision, and passion again." ...
"Happiness is not an idea, it’s like breathing – necessary and often not given thought." ...
"I discovered that people really had a lot to say and felt like they needed to be heard, in a way that was truthful, and in their own authentic voices." ...
"What people or situations have rejected you? What did they represent? What are their values and ideals? What were you hoping to accomplish by being accepted by them? What loss has occurred now that you’ve been rejected?" ...
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves..” ...
"Neuroplasticity, sound healing, meditation, and visualization have saved me. I would not be where I am at physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or creatively without it." ...
"The world changes depending on how people see it, and if you alter it, even by a millimeter, the way ... people look at reality, then you can change that." ...
"The ego, the personal mind, or the whirlpools of my own metaphor create a round-and-round repeating-pattern kind of experience." ...
"Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now, take what is left and live it properly." ...
"If we buy into this story of ‘not enough’, we open ourselves up to be judged and discarded by others based on this inner story we believe is true." ...
Karma is not an outside force. It is repetitively thinking the same idea about ourselves and about the world and getting the same results. It feels like it’s coming from outside of us. In actuality, we are imprinting our thoughts, attitudes, intentions, and beliefs—whether they are conscious or unconscious—upon the world and receiving them back […]
"Be slow to speak, and only after having first listened quietly, so that you may understand the meaning, leanings, and wishes of those who do speak. Thus you will better know when to speak and when to be silent." ...
"Can any of us understand or explain the human wellspring - what forms it, feeds it, gives rise to its gushing?" ...
"You are only as good as you think you are. You are only as capable as you believe you are. Your mind, your will, your internal drive is much more powerful than mast people ever realize." ...
"Every now and then a man's mind is stretched by a new idea or sensation, and never shrinks back to its former dimensions." ...
"When one is feeling connected to life and engaged in the present moment, joy becomes a natural part of the experience." ...
"Many of us can most likely recall a time we were dissed or dismissed. Perhaps more than one?!" ...
"When we're not present and aware of how others experience us, we pay a price that goes far beyond cell phone etiquette." ...
The best definition I’ve heard for discipline is “Give yourself a command and then go do it!” Many times we think of discipline as something that comes from parents, teachers, coaches, and/or administrators because we made choices that were not beneficial. However, when you understand that discipline actually comes from the Latin word disciplina meaning […]