Arbuthnot Jones Chronicles: Recent Episodes
Arbuthnot Jones
Welcome to the podcast recreating the art of story telling. ‘Why am I here’ ... ‘Who am I’ ... ‘What is the purpose of life’. We all ask such questions and thanks to Arbuthnot we none the wiser! Every Sunday a new adventures is published, demonstrating that life is just a series of improbable chances. So listen to his adventures for proof that life is full of surprises. Funny ones, dark ones, sad ones, scary ones - one for every week of the year.
.... and that's a fisheye lens self-portrait of our mysterious Arbuthnot; he can be contacted via arbuthnotjones@outlook.com
HORROR > How would you like to dream yourself to perfect happiness? Escape reality into your own perfect fantasy world.
Would you want to come back to reality even if you could?
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot, who can be contacted via arbuthnotjones@outlook.com
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ADVENTURE > When you own a cave network, anything can happen. But can you control the unknown?
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RETIREMENT > Getting older can be such a trial. Everyone is going loopy - but at least you have retained your sanity ...
All parts of this comedy played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot, who can be contacted via arbuthnotjones@outlook.com
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ROMANCE > A cry from the heart picked up by a stranger. Who knows which heart the arrow of love will pierce ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot, who can be contacted via arbuthnotjones@outlook.com
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FANTASY > Some pets are weird and some are TRULY WEIRD ! But who owns who and maybe it is a case of 'like father - like son'.
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot, who can be contacted via arbuthnotjones@outlook.com
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COMEDY > A dubious Chinese chef helps two lovers bind their love for eternity. But who wants eternal love if you can lots of money instead ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot, who can be contacted via arbuthnotjones@outlook.com
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FANTASY > Born blind, what could be more wonderful than having your sight restored? Of course, no experimental surgery can be 100% perfect ....
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot, who can be contacted via arbuthnotjones@outlook.com
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/arbuthnot-jones/message
CRIME > You knocked down an old lady with your car. All she asked in compensation was that you visit her on Monday evenings to read her a story. You are her Mr Monday - but what happened to Mr Tuesday who also knocked her down in his car ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot, who can be contacted via arbuthnotjones@outlook.com
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/arbuthnot-jones/message
SCI-FI > Parents can be really weird, especially when their main love in life is doing nothing. Of course - there are also their inventions ....
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot, who can be contacted via arbuthnotjones@outlook.com
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THAT'S LIFE > An old war hero put out to pasture. 'Surplus to requirement' as far as the world is concerned, but maybe doing nothing is the key to success ...
Starring the infamous Arbuthnot, who can be contacted via arbuthnotjones@outlook.com
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COMEDY > The best thing about being dead is you can make lots of money. The problems is staying alive long enough to spend it. But maybe Arbuthnot has found a solution to this tricky conundrum ...
(If you succeed using his advice, send him a thank you via arbuthnotjones@outlook.com )
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HORROR > After a bike crash, a young boy has been trapped in a coma for three years. It is called 'Locked-In Syndrome'. Only one person has the key to rescue him?
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot, who can be contacted via arbuthnotjones@outlook.com
Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/arbuthnot-jones/message
PARABLE > Jesus spoke in parables based on life in the Middle East. Our anti-hero Arbuthnot has never been there, but likewise there is no evidence Jesus has been to Utah in the United States, where Arbuthnot spends his holidays. If he had, his parables may have had a different slant ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot Jones ( arbuthnotjones@outlook.com )
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A LIFE EXPERIENCE > Many people live with a natural sixth sense – such as hearing colours, feeling sound, tasting shapes or words. These phenomenon are caused by synaptic connections which are wrongly wired. An asset or a curse? For one sufferer it leads to riches, but everything comes at a price ...All parts are played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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HORROR > Do you fear heights? If so, you have 'acrophobia' and not - as most people think - 'vertigo' which is an infection of the inner ear. All rather academic if a voice in your head is telling you to jump. Only your sanity and your white knuckles are holding you back from the abyss.
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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DEVON LIFE > In the tiny coastal village of Holcombe a nondescript stone stands sentinel outside St George's Church. It comes from Senegal and a tribal leader wants it back. But maybe not all is as it seems ....
For two more stories based around the mysteries of of this beautiful holiday county in South West England - listen to 'Library with no words' and
'Young soldiers never die' . You WILL want to visit Devon!
In all three stories the characters are played by our hero Arbuthnot.
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FACT OR FICTION ? > Suppose you dream of faces. No-one you know and yet those dreams have an immense impact on their lives. Maybe it is time you found a cure. Anyone got a mirror?
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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TRUE LIFE HORROR > Who knows what caused the worst train disaster in the history of the London Underground? Maybe the best people to tell are those who were there ....
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot and his wife
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THAT'S LIFE > 'Only dead fish go with the flow' was my Dad's favourite saying. You would have loved this mischievous old rogue. The only problem he has just died in the most extraordinary way.
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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MYSTERY > To be invited to join the Lucy Syndicate you have to have a unique skill. A savant. The problem is that most savants have an innate skill which is totally useless. Until now ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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HORROR > An old man has been trying to sell his home for six years. No-one wants it as even he agrees it is ridiculously over valued. So why is a stranger now offering to pay the full asking price?
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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SCI-FI > In a rough area of a town there are two neighbouring homes which are crime free. Nothing ever happens there. So why does a crime busting police officer never take his eyes off them? And what happened which resulted in him being promoted and sent to a Constabulary the other end of England.
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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HORROR > An unconnected phone booth in a cemetery helps the bereaved express their emotions. Talking even to no-one is a great healer. But what happens when voices start being heard - demanding, pleading, aggressive cries for help. How do you disconnect?
The voices of the living spoken (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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FANTASY? > An arrival at Heathrow Airport seems to have come from a country which Immigration has no knowledge. No record can be found either of his flight or nationality and yet, as his passport is valid, should he allowed to enter the country? A puzzler for officials, but guess it comes down to which country he thinks he has flown into ....
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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ADVENTURE > The find of the century which is guaranteed a Nobel Prize and unimaginable wealth! There is only one problem ....
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HORROR > The problem with murder is how to get rid of the body. The Medusa Men offer a disposal service, hiding the bodies in clear view.
Listen, and find out how hiding corpses in plain sight is a work of art ...
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COMEDY > There is something important you are trying to remember. REALLY important. But you are stuck at Tansure Station where trains only go to Tansure! Maybe a gorilla can help you escape ....
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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MYSTIC > A palmist refuses to read your palm. You throw your hat into the air and it disappears. Never happened to you? Well, just in case it does, you would be well advised to listen to this story and find out what to do ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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A STORY TO LIFT THE SOUL > In this small village lives a man with a big heart. He carries something in his leather bag which makes children dance with joy and the oldies make oodles of money.
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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INNOVATION > The trouble with having an open mind, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. People like Arbuthnot. So, whose thoughts will you be thinking today?
All parts played (badly) by a very deaf Arbuthnot
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Horror > What would it be like to discover the tomb of a Pharaoh in the Valley of the Kings? Fame and fortune awaits. The only problem is that your fellow Egyptologist has a very bad feeling about opening it up. Maybe the curse really is true.
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HORROR > What would you do if your mirror didn't reflect your image? Probably best to scream and hide ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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FANTASY (maybe!) > The strangest llama anyone has ever seen - and it is your llama. The only problem is that you live in a terraced house. But who cares, as you are having the time of your life ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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COMEDY > So you want to earn shed loads of cash? No problem. Just knock on the side door of this Chinese restaurant and tell Pong you want matching tattoos.
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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COMEDY > Life is what happens to you while you’re making other plans. And with a friend like Arbuthnot there is no idea where your path through life will take you. Expect the unexpected ....
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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CRIME > How to defraud a life insurance company. All you need to do is to appear to die with the whole world watching. Based on the story of David Lang’s strange disappearance, so check the internet before being inspired by this sad tale.
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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GHOST STORY > An old man dies and his old clock stops. So, who now sits on the stairs listening to the timeless tick of a grandfather clock?(Based around the Antigonish poem).
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot.
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HORROR > The discovery of a new island only 435 miles south of the North Pole should be cause for jubilation. But finding it is one thing, getting away from it is proving harder. The future of the scientific ship and its entire grew may lie in the hands of a mysterious Greenlandic Inuit ...
All parts in this second instalment played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot.
WARNING - Oodaaq island is a real island which sometimes exists and sometimes does not. If you don't believe - check it out on the internet!
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HORROR > RRS Sir David Attenborough is the finest research ship ever built. On its first artic voyage it discovers a new island which the crew christens 'Qeqertaq Avannarleq' *. Discovering this new land mass among the ice wasteland, only 435 miles south of the North Pole, is an amazing achievement. So why is one crew member so scared? Something has spooked this Greenlandic Inuit, but no-one is listening ...
The first half of a chilling horror from the top of the world. FINAL PART FOLLOWS
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot.
- Both Qeqertaq Avannarleq and Oodaaq are real islands.
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CRIME > You accidently knock down a little old lady in you car. She is not badly hurt but, as an apology, all she asks is that you visit her home to read to her. So what is there to worry about ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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THAT'S LIFE > You cannot open your own front door, no-one claims to know you and your office security pass fails to work. This is becoming the ultimate bad hair day.
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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HORROR > A message has been left on your son's bed. It has one word - 'KIDNAP'. Is it a threat written by a blackmailer? Best to ask his Dad, but he is nowhere to be found ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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HORROR > A girl's voice carried on the wind. But from where has the wind blown and what is the voice saying?
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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FANTASY > It's Raining, It's Pouring - but this old man is not snoring. Why should he when he knows where there is gold to be found ....
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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HORROR > A therapist has developed his own method to rid patients of negative thoughts. The only problem is what to do with them once captured ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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PARANORMAL > Ghosts are having a hard time. They are misunderstood, ridiculed and their working conditions are out of this world. Something has to be done about it. How about a strike?
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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SCI-FI HORROR > The access tunnel had been finished. But what underground chamber had it broken into? Did treasure or horror await? Join the Colonel on his descent into the unknown, if you dare...
The final part of a two part adventure with all parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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SCI-FI HORROR > An old tunnel has been discovered in a remote hillside. No-one knows how or why it was constructed. All that can be agreed is that whoever - or whatever - dug it did not want anyone to explore. What a shame no-one was listening ....
A two part horror story with all parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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ROMANCE > Who would want to inherit a rust-bucket of an old car? It is bloody minded and cantankerous, only starting when it suits it. And yet, maybe it has your best interests at heart ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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SCI-FI HORROR > The Cybertron 14X is banned. But you have one hidden in your cellar and it is your pride and joy. But will it stay there ....
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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SCI-FI HORROR > You have perfect health, so why is your doctor so scared? Maybe, now is the time to run and keep on running ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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HORROR > You are being followed. But no worry - it is your shadow and we all have one. Except your shadow is not your silhouette. What would you do ...
All parts, including that of the shadow, played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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HORROR > Drugged and strapped to a bed in a lunatic asylum. But you are not sick and why is the doctor using your name? It is time to escape ....
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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UPLIFTING DRAMA > An overwork surgeon hits rock bottom. Thank goodness he is picked up by taxi driver who knows where he needs to go. An uplifting story to see out a troubled 2021 ....
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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KIDS' ADVENTURE > A Professor has discovered a way to save mankind. There is only one small problem ....
For all storytellers this is a great Christmas story to act out in front of a young audience. All you need is an empty matchbox and a magnifying glass (plus a good dollop of imagination).
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CRIME FANTASY > Future Memories Ltd can take you forward in time, for a price! But this client want to go back in time to correct a problem. It can't be done, but who cares - he is gullible and has plenty of money ....
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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CRIME COMEDY > Life could be better. Much better! Maybe the quickest way to happiness and riches is to switch life with someone who is blessed with such a lifestyle. So all you need to do is find someone like that who looks like you. How difficult can that be .....
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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HORROR > A music box given as a present by a strange old man. What harm could it do? Maybe none and yet - and yet life is too precious to worry about eternal youth. Until now ....
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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CRIME > A quiet bar in a back street is rented out to a gentle group of gentlemen. But not all is as it seems. An adventure which pays homage to Sherlock Holmes' 'Read Headed League' story.
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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COMEDY > Beachy Head is the most popular place in Britain to commit suicide. Standing on top of the cliff a man wants a few minutes to collect his thoughts. His final moments of peace are interrupted by stranger wanting to video his jump ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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CRIME > For two world weary police officers it is just another day on the beat. They have seen it all before. People are simply odd and a report of an alien hiding in a garden shed is nothing new. But maybe on this occasion they should tread a little more carefully ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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DRAMA > Suppose - just suppose - there was a minimum charge to make a wish. Would a £2 coin thrown into a wishing well have greater success than a 2p coin? This parish council is about to find out ....
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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HORROR > When the going gets tough and the world becomes an unfriendly place, what's the harm in having an imaginary companion who likes you? Comforts you. Guess it depends on who is comforting whom ....
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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POLICE DRAMA > The country's most expensive jewellery store has an alarm problem. Time for a police stake-out ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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COMEDY CRIME > House clearance brings out the kid in all of us - so many treasurers to be discovered. But what would happen if you cleared out the wrong house ....
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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SCI-FI ROMANCE > A strange phone dials up the number of a mysterious lady. Romance? Little else will do ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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GHOST STORY > Your partner has died and you now hear strange noisy in the house. Also, why is the cat constantly staring at something behind you? Time to call in a spiritualist ....
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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FANTASY > You wake up with a rabbit on your bed. It is staring at you. Worse still, it knows you are lying ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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Comedy > Zoos are very expensive to run. Economies need to be made. But maybe this zoo has lost the plot.
If you like zoo stories please listen to 'The Merpeople' - in both yarns all parts are played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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SCI-FI > If you have the chance to travel to a neighbouring galaxies, would you go? What a great adventure! The only problem is that you might have a problem getting back ....
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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SUPERNATURAL > Something weird lives under your bed. But you are only a small kid and your parents do not believe you. You are safe as long as you do not call it a 'monster'.
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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FANTASY > If you had a unique gift you would want to use it. But suppose this mystical talent had no obvious benefit to anyone ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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CRIME > A stranger kills your wife - now it is your turn to kill his. By swapping murders there is no motive, making it the perfect crime. Except ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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FANTASY > A beautiful white stallion saved from death. Perfect in every way, except one. And that one flaw could be its death sentence.
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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FACTUAL > Imagine a public library filled with books which no-one reads. Just as well really, as the books contain no words. Impossible? Then maybe it is time you visited a mysterious library in Newton Abbot, Devon ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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SUPERNATURAL > A closed church and a First World War memorial to 'ensure we never forget'. But we have forgotten - and yet, young soldiers never die. (A story recorded live outside The Little Theatre, Torquay).
The parts of the old soldiers played proudly by Arbuthnot
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CRIME > A foolproof system to predict the Stock Market. Guaranteed ! So why would you not want to invest?
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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FANTASY > Buildings never have a Floor 13 as it is unlucky. But have you ever checked?
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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CRIME > Not many people have held both their own death certificate and will. So, if everyone thinks you are dead, now is a good chance to get a new identity ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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SCI-FI > There is something very odd in the town's square. An old monument, but no-one knows why it is there.
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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SCI-FI > It is dark - very dark. It is the middle of a field. Then there is a light. We are not alone ....
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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CRIME > A courier delivering crime money is having a very bad day. People are looking for him but where is he now?
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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COMEDY > A taxidermist has come up with a great money-spinner - the only problem is he can't find enough animals to stuff. It's time to improvise ....
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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CRIME > Being a living statue is the world's most boring job. But not for this one ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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SUPERNATURAL > Even a medium can have a bad day !
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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THAT'S LIFE > A porch light that never goes off day or night. What a waste of electricity say the neighbours and yet the home owner takes no notice. Then one day the light is switched off ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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HORROR > Everyone is born with a skin mark. It tells you how you are going to die. You will be killed by an animal which has only recently become extinct.
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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FANTASY > > 'Antiques made here' states the junk yard sign. But not all is as it seems ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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FANTASY > The most expensive antique clock in the world has gone wrong. It is time to get it repaired.
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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COMEDY > A zoo job from hell, but then came an opportunity for revenge. Will the change in our hero's fortunes all be thanks to a 'Shit Zoo' or a 'Shih Tzu' ? All will be revealed in the final word of this brilliant comedy.
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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CATFISHING > A victim of romance fraud decides it is time for revenge. Hell has no fury like a woman scorned !
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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GHOST STORY > Car crash. You live, your son dies. Reborn - can you find him?
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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COMEDY > So what's wrong in being a vegetarian? Nothing unless you are having a mid-life crisis. A manic tale of a work/life conflict.
If this is your style of madcap humour, then also check out 'The Merpeople'. In both stories all parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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HORROR > A crash at night. The driver gets out unharmed and walks home. Then there is a knock at the door ....
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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SCI-FI > A lonely road in the middle of nowhere. Two suspicious looking figures are talking, but no worry - the police are on hand ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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TEAR JERKER > It is the last ball of the day and the school's pride hangs on a winning run. But maybe - just maybe - there is something more important than the honour of the school.
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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FICTION > Is a shed still empty if if has a hole in the floor? Or is it a hole with a shed? Better find the answer soon as the hole wants feeding ...
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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HORROR > A little girl lost in a wood on a beautiful day. But who is she and where are her parents?
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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SHAGGY DOG STORY > A sedate old couple in retirement. The light in the night is nothing to worry about, unless you start thinking about those flashes. Best not to ....
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THAT'S LIFE > Writing obituaries of the rich and famous for newspapers is about a staid a job as you can get. Or is it ....
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HORROR > Don't lose your head over a nightmare.
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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HORROR > Holiday snaps are wonderful mementos of happy days. Unless, of course, they all contain the same unknown face ...
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THAT'S LIFE > A grumpy old man 'dumped' in an old people's home. Still, at least he has a son and at least the son has an inheritance coming his way. But who is playing who?
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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FRAUD > A stamp of approval on a not so honest market trader.
All parts played (badly) by the infamous Arbuthnot
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