Being Dad with Phil Lower: Recent Episodes
Phil Lower
We celebrate Great Dads! The podcast includes:
• Morning Meditations - daily reflections of life as a dad (average about 15 minutes) • Guest interviews and discussions of personal success, life goals, family, finances, culture, and dad stories. (average 30-40 minutes)
Warning: Heavy into gratitude, drive, determination, holding you accountable, offering advice I've succeeded with and the occasional scripture or other book. I'm probably going to end up praying for you, your strength, your family, your success, your finances, or whatever else comes to my heart during the Morning Meditations.
Light, sound, liquids, and air move in waves. The closer you are to the source, the shorter the distance between the waves and the greater force they hit you with. That’s also how you know when you re getting closer to the breaking point of a situation.
I am acutely aware of shifts in the barometer between high and low fronts. When a storm is forming even 100 miles away I can start to feel the pain in my nerves.
Right now, we are in an information war between forces that want to stir up our emotions. The desire is to create confusion and then present their point of view as the solution.
The more confusion and chaos you encounter, the greater peace and calm you must present in the face of the storm.
Many times a week, I will put a little wine in a glass, take a small portion of bread, say a prayer for wisdom, and take Communion privately in my home. I especially do this when I am looking for wisdom or insight into how to handle something.
I don’t care what it is that I’m dealing with. I will usually find something that I am grateful for and then the next step will come to me as I stay still and listen through the wind and chaos.
Elijah heard a still small voice and that is how he knew when God was present. When he quieted his mind, he heard clearly.
Thoughts from 1 Kings 19:1-14
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@chefdadchefkid
I saw a man that had sown into my life for many years when I was just a kid. We hadn’t seen each other in almost 20 years and it was a powerful flood of memories just to talk with him again.
When you have something stored up in you, take the opportunitie3s that come to squeeze yourself out into someone else.
You can never know the impact you could have in their lif3 decades later.
Thoughts from Isaiah 60:3
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@chefdadchefkid
Restoration – definition
-
the act of restoring; renewal, revival, or reestablishment.
-
the state or fact of being restored.
-
a return of something to a former, original, normal, or unimpaired condition.
-
restitution of something taken away or lost.
-
something that is restored, as by renovating.
Restoration is the positive state of being and mind of having overcome a great loss. Why do I say a great loss?
Nobody thinks about being restored from the damage of losing your ballpoint pen or not receiving enough napkins in their Drive-thru happy meal bag. There comes a point, based on our individual maturity and psychological strength where a loss overwhelms us. Even if that event is brief and we come out of it quickly, the residue could still affect us or our relationships, business, or finances for some time.
That point is very unique and different for each of us.
Just as the definition states restoration is an act. When they were younger, one of the kids had spilled a small bottle of chocolate milk in their bedroom. They hid it until it for a couple of weeks until I discovered it.
I was very upset. They had done something like this before where they had spilled a bottle in their school backpack and soaked a bunch of things.
I made them clean it up and thought that was the end of it. So, I never said anything to mom because I was handling it.
Now when I discovered the carpet soaked in crusty, dried chocolate milk, I was extremely unhappy and they knew it. After I scolded them and explained all of the reasons why what they had done was wrong, I laid out their punishment. I took their iPad away from them until it was cleaned up, solely by themselves and only to my satisfaction.
If they slacked off it would only delay receiving their iPad back. I didn’t care how long it would take but they wouldn’t get it back for days if they didn’t get the problem solved.
Then, I told them they would clean it up and once they were done I would give them a high-five, a hug, and tell them that I was proud of them for cleaning it up correctly.
Afterwards I showed them exactly how I wanted it cleaned, and what my expectations were by cleaning a portion of it myself.
They went from crying and sad to determined to make it look as good as they could. And, they finished it in under an hour, even with my having them work harder on a couple of spots.
When they finished, I gave them their high-five, a giant hug, told them I was proud of their hard work, and took her to the store with me so we could spend some time together.
They felt so relieved and happy, they almost bounced in their steps. They had a feeling of accomplishment from being restored even though nothing was going to diminish my love for her and certainly not some spilt milk.
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@chefdadchefkid
Getting our house in order is super critical in anticipation of next year’s economic challenges.
We need to know that we are in a better place with our health, finances, emotional states, family relationships, end everything else.
Almost all of us have heard about 911 calls that took forever to have police respond because they other priorities at that moment.
If you’ve ever seen Star Trek, when someone calls for help Mr. Scott immediately transports them to safety.
Star Trek 2009 starring Christopher Pine is interesting because during an attack on Vulcan there is a space drill blocking transporters and communications.
When it comes time to get things done, assume that nobody is coming to save you. There is no Mr Scott. There is no transporter. There is no easy road.
You are going to need a team of people to achieve your dreams and goals. But you will first have to do the personal work on yourself in order to be able to have the team available when it’s the time.
Thoughts from Psalm 34:4-7
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@chefdadchefkid
I was having a discussion with one of my kids about having breakfast at home versus school or eating out on the way to school.
I told her that I knew when she ate and when she didn’t and I could even tell what she ate.
That’s when she gave in and agreed to have breakfast.
I fast for 12-16 hours every day and workout 4 times per week average. So I get it. She didn’t want to eat. But she’s also not eating correctly and I don’t want her health impacted.
She’s misled me in the past, but my love for her is just like most dads’ love. You’re willing to cover over a bunch of screw ups as long as they keep learning.
The stronger my love for my kids and my wife, the more I’m willing to discuss and correct rather than fly off the handle.
Just because I love them doesn’t mean that they get a free pass. I have to model accountability and I expect them to live up to it also.
Thoughts from 1 Peter 4:8
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@chefdadchefkid
This is difficult to speak about.
For almost 17 years my mom was in a physical decline. First, she had 2 brain surgeries, then over time dementia set in.
Last week, my wife, girls, and I drove out to Toledo to pay our final respects.
I was determined that it was not going to be a pity party for all the times we couldn’t be there because we lived so far away. Plus, my girls didn’t deserve that burden.
I took my girls to the Toledo Zoo, The Toledo Museum of Art, and we spent much loved time with friends and family.
We got to connect and reconnect with people from our lives long ago.
But, as crazy as it sounds, we played and rested.
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@chefdadchefkid
Mental and physical exhaustion is rampant when you begin learning new skills.
One of the most exhausting things was learning a new language. The amount of focus required to understand different accents and words, let alone humor, is intense.
Physical exercise is the same thing. When you’re building muscle, one principle is that you lift until you reach muscle fatigue or fail so you maximize growth.
It’s the same for our kids. They are constantly learning new things. We frequently get frustrated with them because they are tired of doing something when in reality they are fatigued mentally.
We all know that too much fatigue without proper rest can contribute to illness. The same is true of our peace of mind.
When we don’t refocus our efforts to recover our peace in the midst of the storm, it’s easy to get overwhelmed by the waves that are around us.
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@chefdadchefkid
I was listening to one of my daughters having a group discussion with some of her friends about what another young lady had told her was going on.
As she wrapped up the discussion, they decided they would all connect tomorrow at school to bring it to a conclusion.
She is determined not to be manipulated by anyone.
Then one of her friends popped over to see how things were and I ended up being part of the conversation.
I had an opportunity to briefly explain how our minds will protect us from an unpleasant truth when confronted, how people will lie with poor memory, and how behavior is truth.
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@chefdadchefkid
Your kids are literal geniuses as they grow. They are balancing experience and the practical education of life.
What happens to them is our responsibility as Dads and Moms to bring out the best in them.
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@chefdadchefkid
Perseverance, Endurance, Steadfastness
These are words we just don’t hear very frequently. Yet they are critical to understanding how we make it through our difficulties.
The qualities of these coupled with peace makes you a very strong person on the other side of your impossibilities.
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@chefdadchefkid
“Winter is coming” was the famous line from Game of Thrones.
Discipline is something that seems harsh and difficult at the time we receive it.
If you let it, it can make you stronger and bring about a harvest of strength, wisdom, and other benefits when you get onto the other side.
The reality is that we are potentially facing an enormous financial and food crisis that will likely see tens of millions of people throughout the planet suffer greatly.
We are here now. It is getting colder.
Winter has come.
Thoughts from Hebrews 12:11
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@chefdadchefkid
I haven’t been sleeping well and my pain levels are heightened. I need to stay focused on my health both mentally and physically.
As we are making travel arrangements to go to my mom’s funeral, my wife gave me a gift.
Yesterday, she suggested instead of driving, that we fly instead.
I can drive the 10 hours. No problem. But, she pointed out that I’m still recovering form GBS and that I needed to be functional on the other end of the trip.
I know me. I will lock things down and push through. There are times when that is the wrong approach.
This is one of them. I need to allow myself time to grieve and heal.
One thing I’ve done is picked up a copy of @garretjwhite ‘s Warrior Book. It’s a mind blowing guide to expanding your capacity, effectiveness, and becoming an even greater man.
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@chefdadchefkid
It’s so important we develop the balance of Conscience and Intuition to create Wisdom.
It takes time for us to grow into good decision making, self-discipline, and self-awareness.
It’s easy to see where communities are constructive and creative versus those that are destructive and crime ridden.
Thoughts from 1 Kings 3 & 4
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@chefdadchefkid
For a number of years my mom was sick and she became progressively worse and more difficult to take care of.
My sister Johanna performed seemingly Herculean feats to take care of her, at great personal expense, over a decade. My sister Rachael was a rock for Jo and me. Andrew traveled 1000’s of miles over the years to comfort and care for her.
I’m a son, a brother, a husband, and a dad. Being a dad, I needed to consider my girls’ well being before breaking the news to them.
I explain my thoughts inside.
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@chefdadchefkid
I’m in the process of creating some really cool materials for kids and families. I’ve been working with my eldest daughter on this and I wrote an Ad Lib for fun.
After having coached people for so long, our lives are really very much an Ad Lib.
We get to fill n the Verbs, Nouns, Adjectives, Adverbs, and Exclamations as we go along.
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@chefdadchefkid
Have you ever gotten caught with your hand in the cookie jar specifically after you were told not to take another cookie?
Have you ever snuck another cookie anyways?
Every decision we make creates in us a chance to have that internal thought or to learn an eternal truth. That is Conscience and Intuition.
Mom’ cooking spoon had a power from God in it.
Intuition helps us even from making the same mistakes as others when we use observing ego.
For example, you kids are watching a TV program with very poorly behaved children or cartoons. Ask them what’s wrong with the story? Help them learn your standard of behavior and when the show is bad for them, they will more likely understand when you turn it off.
Intuition can also be called street smarts. It comes from making lots of decisions and losing at some of them. Sometimes we call it the school of hard knocks.
But either way, when things are about to go sideways, Intuition kick in and can help guide us through it.
The Count of Monte Cristo.
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@chefdadchefkid
This morning I was speaking with one of my daughters about the What and the How of things.
When you’re teaching about Empathy it’s a great target to shoot for.
How do you build it? By practicing what you preach.
What is a great way to show Empathy? Listening First, Speaking Last.
What about teaching Courage? Doing the Right Thing becomes the How.
Then have the discussion with them about how to build up strength to Do the Right Thing.
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@chefdadchefkid
This morning I was speaking with one of my daughters after our workout.
She knows much of the context and history of our company and she is familiar with the long-term vision I have.
While discussing a pivot I have to make because of a decision I made yesterday, she hit me with an absolutely genius idea and then began working on it immediately.
I fired off messages to our team members that will be involved and all that before 5:45 am.
When we have candid conversations with our kids, they can learn from seeing how our decisions play out. You’d be amazed at what they know and the ideas they have when you just share and listen.
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@chefdadchefkid
I’m in an important meeting this morning to move a project forward and I’m interviewing someone who should have been a key person for the team.
Let’s just say they didn’t bring their A Game.
But, then it made me think about how I am with my kids. Am I always as clear as I could be? Do I really listen to them? Do I set clear expectations?
Sometimes we need to make sure we aren’t the one bringing the confusion.
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@chefdadchefkid
John Nash was a pioneer in mathematical Game Theory. He is famous for the Prisoner’s Dilemma but we are going to apply it to raising out kids.
The Prisoner’s Dilemma goes like this. Two friends are being interrogated for a crime. If one confesses and the other denies it, the confessor goes to jail and their friend goes free and vice versa.
What frequently happens is that the Golden Rule or the Iron Rule will kick in.
The Golden Rule says a person will confess out of the kindness of their own heart in the hope of getting some benefit for martyrdom. This is Lose/Win. They lost because they had too much conscience.
The Iron Rule says deny, deny, deny no matter what. Playing the statistics that the other guy will eventually confess.
There is a temporary high from gambling and winning because you think you are getting away with something.
Both are results of poor personal boundaries and decision making.
The best outcome is when there is a point of balance. Where a person meets their opponent with the Iron Rule and then backs down to the Golden Rule. Forgive and forget.
This is where we open doors to constructiveness and close them to destructiveness. This is Conscience and Intuition working together.
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@chefdadchefkid
Have you noticed that the majority of predators and crazy people that healthy parents want to keep their kids from are narcissistic?
Here’s a list of opposites you can use to guide your kids towards growing up to be a healthy productive human being.
Constructive Adult-like Decisions vs Destructive Child-like ones
Mature Ego Habits like altruism, humor, anticipation, suppression, assertiveness, courage
Vs
Immature Ego Habits like seeing black and white, denial, gossip, blaming and shaming, resisting authority, holding grudges dependence, hopelessness, helplessness, lying, stealing, slandering, jealousy, cowardice, regret, revenge, aggression, sadism, manipulation, or anything else that “screws others over.”
Delayed Gratification vs Immediate Gratification
Recognizes Others vs Does Not Recognize Others
Advanced Observing Ego vs Weak Observing Ego
Strong Conscience vs Poor Conscience
Strong Intuition vs Poor Intuition
Helps Others After Helping Themselves vs Harms Others or Uses Others
Well-defined Boundaries vs Poorly-defined Boundaries
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@chefdadchefkid
Show of hands on who has ever worked for a company that hires you to do a job, but they don’t give you any training to be successful at the job.
They hire you because of your skill set or the potential you possess, and then send you into the deep end of the pool to either sink or swim.
48% of failed senior managers fail within 18 months. It’s largely because of a failure to help the person adjust to the company culture.
So, if our families are going to be successful, there have to be times when we communicate with each other better than we are doing now.
If we consider ourselves like a successful company, what are the things successful companies do to onboard new team members?
Uniform
Employee Handbook
Video training
Time job shadowing
What can we do with each other as family members to increase our own cohesion?
Maybe have a uniform or activities dressing alike
Employee Handbook could be The Bible, The Koran, The Talmud
Training could be making sure they only watch approved shows with our values
Job shadowing is definitely about doing the job and teaching them how plus expectations
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@chefdadchefkid
One of my favorite movies in recent memory is Tom Hank’s Greyhound. It’s a fantastic story about an older US Navy Officer that has his first command during World War II. He’s charged with escorting a convoy of soldiers and material to England for the war effort.
During the crossing the convoy enters part of the North Atlantic that has no Allied air cover and thus they are in greater danger from the Nazi U-boat wolf packs.
In their first engagement, a U-boat is discovered sneaking up on the convoy and Greyhound engages. As the U-boat dives, Tom Hank’s character orders his destroyer to turn in the opposite direction of the U-boat in order to fool them.
His crew is noticeably questioning his order.
His hunch pays off when they swing right over the U-boat’s position and they sink it.
During another battle they used too many depth charges because of a German underwater decoy. That decision led to the captain having to learn quickly and adjust combat tactics. The over use of those valuable depth charges would almost lead to the crew’s death on two occasions later in the movie.
This is a great example of the difference in how we make our decisions, how other people perceive our decisions, and how we can learn to adjust.
Passive indecisive actions lead to regression, mental illness, and death.
Destructive decisions lead to negative momentum like putting a hard break on your progress.
Constructive decisions lead to positive momentum and growth.
Thoughts from 1 Corinthians 3:19
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@chefdadchefkid
One of my kids had been making a series of decisions over a period of time that had led to a bad habit. Bad decisions lead to bad habits and they have consequences.
One of those consequences was that I had to drive her to see a doctor during a Hurricane Ian.
We then spent time discussing how she could improve her decision making and letting her know how much I love her.
Thoughts from Philippians 4:6
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@chefdadchefkid
We are working on learning our Identity, Preferences, and Beliefs. Then we can figure out what holes to add doors to and how to soften our thick scarred walls because we are missing something.
A couple years ago, I bought my youngest a nice telescope and tripod for her to be able to observe the moon, planets, and the stars.
I remember the blood moon in an Aldi parking lot on a windy winter night.
The family went to a park last night to get a good chance to see Jupiter.
We weren’t able to see Jupiter last night because of the clouds from Hurricane Ian coming in over the next couple days.
My youngest was very disappointed and was crying a bit because she thought she would never see it again in her lifetime.
This brought up how we can’t control things that outside of us. Having to manage experiencing a “No” from the cloudy weather isn’t something we always like. We can learn to be accepting.
Remember our formula is Happiness + Success + Freedom + Durability = Durable Fulfillment.
The idea that she will never be able to see Jupiter again gave way to what could we see again?
What about going to an area where there are no city lights to an astronomy telescope?
What other things could we plan better in the future?
It takes time to fill in the holes in our boundary. It’s not an overnight process and usually the young are more impatient. Of course, you need someone to help coach you along to point out the gaps in your boundary so you can practice filling them in and creating doors.
Thoughts from Philippians 4:6
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@chefdadchefkid
Do like seeing your kids sit around doing nothing but watching videos on their phones or iPads?
You can’t expect them to achieve anything if you’re not even trying.
What does success look like in your mind and to your kids?
Success not = Happiness
Success is about expanding who you are and making a bigger tank or boundary.
Intellect = using experience and education
Decision-Making = Freedom
Emotional Energy = Happiness
GBS affected my energy, my nerves, and my fuel tank.
Thoughts from Philippians 4:6
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@chefdadchefkid
As my kids grow and as my wife and I become stronger in our marriage, I realize how much has changed.
As independent people we had our own lives and interests. We then chose to become involved or intimate, not sexually because we waited until marriage, but sharing emotional resources.
When we got married, we were two independent people that brought our resources together to work as a married couple.
That created interdependence where we could walk in and out and handled our lives as individuals and together.
Then we started having kids and those kids were completely dependent on us. Then I became critically ill and now we three were completely dependent on my wife.
Then we hit a huge financial challenge because of my health, but while I was healing we became completely dependent on my efforts.
Now we are much healthier and interdependent again.
What this has taught me is that as a Dad, as much as I want to protect my kids, they need to be independent and strong.
Healthy independence means they have to have strong resources in intellect, decision-making, and emotional energy.
They need to understand that not every decision they will make is right, but they can learn from the experiences.
It’s hard seeing them grow up but I also have to trust them so when they get hurt, they grow from it. They need to be able to balance independence and interdependence to help keep them from destructive relationships.
Their ability to tell me No sometimes hurts. And, I have to remember they are their own individual persons. I can be a Protector as they grow. At some point, I have to convert into a Guide while they learn to protect themselves.
Thoughts from Philippians 4:6
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@chefdadchefkid
I love how in John Wick 3 they talk about there being consequences to choices we make.
Yesterday we had to make an all-day long road trip. It took longer than anyone thought. One of the kids had a bad attitude and was making bad choices for much of the morning.
Over breakfast I ran through how one choice after another would lead to different consequences and what they couldn’t see could be coming. It scared them but they understood and the rest of the day went great.
Then, when they didn’t do something they were supposed to, and I reminded them, they immediately apologized. Hopefully the lesson is learned.
When we trade with other people, we trade:
Love = Cost of Spending Self-Esteem = Positive Emotional Energy
Freedom = Cost of Spending Decision-Making Power
Time = Cost of Investing in Intellect = Information
We may spend time to grow or kid’s Intellect and Understanding but gain Love.
You trade Freedom for a job and paycheck. You also trade Time.
Constructive trades come from constructive decisions and being Strong.
Ronald Reagan made a commitment to pursue a policy of “peace through strength”. The more constructive your choices are, the healthier you will be.
Thoughts from Philippians 4:6
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@chefdadchefkid
Being anxious about anything robs you of peace and keeps you ungrateful.
Being anxious can also lead to anger and holding grudges.
When you express gratitude, it is impossible for you to hold a grudge against that person at the same time.
Gratitude is a great cleanser.
Mechanical teaching builds a habit but not a heart.
One of the first things we teach our kids is to say Thank You or ask “What do you say?”
As we mature, we learn that part of being open to constructive opportunities and closing doors to destructive ones is healthy for all involved.
But, are we actually grateful enough or appreciate the normal and mundane successes enough?
It’s been said a man’s home is his castle. But that sanctuary and peace should flow to and abound to everyone that enters in.
When you get home after a rough, hard day. How often do we appreciate having a peaceful home?
And, when we are there already and our husband, wife, or kids arrives home, how often do we give them space to appreciate the peace?
Let’s be grateful for waking up and having healthy lungs, for being able to think clearly, for being able to brush our teeth, for sipping some orange juice at a table.
These are everyday things that will give us so much more presence and help us to build up ourselves and our families.
Thoughts from Philippians 4:6
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@chefdadchefkid
Remember that when you control the ends you control everything in between.
Control Anger and Anxiety and you control your Negative Energy.
Control your Well-being and Confidence and you control your Self-esteem.
Control your education Left-brain and your experience Right-brain and you control your Genius.
Control your Decision-making Conscience and Intuition and you control your Wisdom.
With your Personal Boundary there re things you control and are out of your control.
Stress comes from the uncontrollable environment
Sales job offer story
The Nature of Suffering and holes in your boundary.
No preferences = No Identity
Teach your kids the Power of Saying Yes or No
Sometimes No is used as Tough Love.
Trouble hearing No = Thin Skin = Suffering
Pushing buttons or feeling overwhelmed
People manipulate with Guilt and Shame
Denial is an Illusion created by a boundary hole Should be a certain way.
You are not somebody’s whole world.
Thick skinned scarring from Trauma.
Strong walls against stress is hard when not stressed.
Doors open and close = Preferences
Constructive vs Destructive
Agree to Disagree not Hold Grudges
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@chefdadchefkid
Your beliefs are your family’s immune system. Viruses, Bacteria, and Parasites have developed ways to twist your immune system against you or to avoid detection and enter through holes in your defenses.
Therefore, your enemy must manipulate you, twist you, and your Identity to defeat you and what you stand for.
Everything we’ve talked about regarding Emotional Energy, Intellect, and Decision-Making being surrounded by your Personal Boundary has led to this point. All these pieces create IDENTITY.
When you have normal psychology, you are suffering when you place “Should” on any of your actions. Wishing people, things, situations “should” be anything else than what they are is suffering.
Misery loves company.
Parasites replicate themselves inside their host.
Some people in West Africa have developed a natural immunity to malaria where, because of a deficiency in their blood, they are actually able to better fight off the parasite.
When a parasitic belief system like wokeness, Marxism, Maoism, or Progressivism want to breed, they look for a new host. That host is your kids in schools, you at work and watching nightly news, or anyone else, wherever they are.
Our kids’ identity is made up of their Emotional Energy, Intellect, and Decision-Making.
This is why they are pushing so hard to let children make permanent decisions about transing their bodies. They don’t have the Intellect Data to fight back.
This is why they want the kids angry about whiteness. They are beating down their Emotional Energy.
This is why they are shaming them about being on time or doing a good job. They are shaming their Decision Making.
The parasite wants to infect your kids because in their “Should” world they are suffering, angry, anxious people that want to destroy your beliefs and replace them inside of you and your kids.
Here’s the solution: Dads and Moms need to forcefully voice their opinions to teachers, staff, and school administrations. You must push back on the job by understanding and then shaming your enemy using the same tactics they use against you. You must vote with your dollars and block Disney related properties, Nike shoes, and other woke corporations as often as possible. You must organize and vote against your enemy.
Remember this axiom: Leftists don’t have kids. They have your kids.
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@chefdadchefkid
The way we handle problems and grow is never constant or fixed. It always floats along a spectrum or a line like a graphic equalizer. Some days we have more bass and others just have more volume.
Remember as we are growing and helping our kids grow, we run into two types of problems. There are problems we control and that we don’t.
Our Emotional Energy helps us address them either positively or negatively. So where do we self-regulate. We can learn to see the negative more neutrally and accept it for the time being. The positive we can learn to accept with both confidence and well-being which equals Bliss.
Our Intellect helps us to learn through both education and experience and brings about Genius.
Our Decision-making lets us address problems through both conscience and intuition which equals Wisdom when applied.
The big problems we can’t remedy right away, we learn to accept and continue looking for a way to overcome them.
My dead car story.
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@chefdadchefkid
Of all of the species of animals and plants on the Earth, only man has free will.
Why? What is so significant about this? Tyranny and deprivation are common throughout human history. The desire to control other human beings has occurred since the fall of mankind in the Garden of Eden.
John the Apostle wrote “Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers.”
King David wrote “When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, The moon and the stars, which You have ordained; what is man that You take thought of him, and the son of man that You care for him?”
All of this is the reason we are studying how our mind works. We can overcome our traumas and heal. We are the creation of God Almighty. He wants us to be whole and to decide the course of human history starting with ourselves and then our families.
You are designed to be a creative being originally in the image and likeness of God himself. The plan is for you to live higher than you are now and he has provided everything you need to heal and get there. You need to make the decision daily to stay on that path and return to it when you fall off.
Thoughts from 3 John 1:2, Psalms 8:3-4, John 1:1-5
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@chefdadchefkid
The loss of my grandma was a heavy blow for me because she helped raise me.
When your kids are dealing with a problem in their life, it’s coming from one of three places.
If it’s emotional, then it is Stress and it is either Hurt which causes Anger or Loss which causes Anxiety.
If it’s Intellectual Laziness or Confusion due to a lack of education, or Obsession due to a lack of Experience, it can lead them to Failure to reach their goals.
Lastly, if it’s making a selfish decision due to a Lack of Conscience (or Amorality) versus a Lack of Intuition due to Naivete, they could feel trapped by their decision.
Any one of these could be sufficient to affect them for the long term depending on what happened.
Here’s the formula:
Self-esteem (well-being + confidence) + Intellectual Data (Education + Experience) + Decision-making (Conscience + Intuition) = Resources or Strength to reinforce and hold strong.
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@chefdadchefkid
Positive Emotional Energy comes from strong self-esteem. Self-esteem comes from how we manage and grow our well-being and our confidence.
Taking time and focus to nurture your own well-being is critical to being able to withstand stressful attacks when they come. Handling them well will in turn also increase your confidence.
This has a significant effect on your ability to grow and make better and more constructive decisions.
So, when we are under attack from a stressful event or problem, we bring to bear 3 things to reinforce our personal boundary.
Here’s the formula:
Self-esteem (well-being + confidence) + Intellectual Data (Education + Experience) + Decision-making (Conscience + Intuition) = Resources or Strength to reinforce and hold strong.
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@chefdadchefkid
Personal Boundary = Inalienable Rights
Intellect = Life
Decision-Making = Liberty
Emotional Energy = Happiness
All of these lead to Durable Fulfillment
If you’re feeling trapped in a situation, you have the right to make a decision about it.
Your decision is guided by conscience and intuition.
Internally, trait conscientiousness is one of the key elements to determining how successful you will be at anything you pursue.
Destructive vs Constructive decisions vs Indecision.
Externally, Intuition will tell you whether or not your environment is healthy or destructive when it comes at you.
Animals get quiet in movies. Walk into a room and people get quiet. You said something to a customer and then you get a call from your boss.
Mastering Decision Making = Freedom
Intellect or Data Processing = Success
Our intellect helps us understand time and organizing the way we process life, education, experiences, culture, etc.
We organize our data by using the Right Brain and Left Brain.
Right Brain is a jumbled up and freely associates with other data please leads us to future possibilities. It is experience oriented like going to Six Flags or being a cheerleader in college.
Left Brain is organized and considers the data of history not experience. It’s less emotional and therefore probability oriented. You only need to learn to ride a bike once but you can experience riding many different types.
Then, Emotional Energy = Happiness. It is either positive or negative energy. Positive energy leads to self-esteem. Negative energy leads to anger and anxiety. Stress is negative energy that hasn’t broken through our Personal Boundary.
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@chefdadchefkid
I remember when everyone in our family was sick. I had a long day, I was in pain, and I laid down to rest. I expected my wife to help do the dishes but never spoke with her about it. When I woke up 9 hours later, they weren’t done and I had all kinds of negative thoughts about her. When I noticed them I immediately decided to look for valid reasons she might have been unable and my mood shifted. That is Observing Ego.
Our goal in life is Durable Fulfillment.
Durable Fulfillment in this instance is when I am satisfied with the choices and actions I’ve taken throughout my life.
People suffering are in poor control and those thoughts could have led to an outburst that damages the relationship.
The US Declaration of Independence mentions our inalienable rights come from our Creator, and that we have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
When you consider our 4 parts of psychology, our inalienable rights are our personal boundary. You walk past someone in the store, you say excuse me because you are stepping into their personal space.
You have 100% control over your emotional territory and that boundary expands as you grow in your intellect, emotional energy, and your decision making ability.
The main difference between sex and rape is the willingness to allow someone through your personal boundary and the violence of the attack against another person.
Why prison is appropriate for criminals is to lock down their personal boundary into a place where they can’t enter society’s boundary again.
The key to maintaining your personal boundary is to also work towards helping others maintain their own. That’s why sticking up for someone else against a bully makes the bully back down. They were expecting 1 on 1 against a weak boundary.
You have 0% control or full responsibility over what happens outside of you. This is why it’s so important to pass on a strong personal boundary to your kids. They are starting from scratch. They don’t know what they are and are not allowed or expected to do. You are helping them write the software program of their psychology.
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@chefdadchefkid
Biologist define a living thing as “an entity that makes autonomous decisions.” Autonomous means automatic but determinative. In other words, you make a decision for life automatically and intentionally.
But, what if you could be put into a sleep and kicked into autopilot at will?
What if that meant you could be manipulated into buying things, believing lies, or voting in a particular way?
What if there was only one thing that separated you from Koko the Gorilla?
What am I talking about?
In Psychology it’s called your Observing Ego. Observing Ego is what gives you the ability to exercise Free Will.
Let me give you an example. Why is Porn so addictive to people? Because they are imagining themselves being in the situation shown in the video.
What if you could take that skill and develop it to watch your reactions to things, and then to find the necessary resources in your environment to solve a problem, while you’re still in the problem?
Remember now an argument you were in and ask yourself several questions.
How did it make you feel?
How much of it was due to a misunderstanding?
What might you have said differently to resolve the fight sooner?
What benefits could have come from resolving the fight sooner?
What could you do in the future to clarify things before they become an argument?
Are there any materials or resources you could study, watch, or listen to so you can grow more skillful in dealing with that situation?
Now Observing Ego is simply the ability to ask these questions at the same time you are in the situation and bring it to a resolution sooner and more safely. It cannot be used in the Past or the Future. It can only be used right now in the current situation.
When you watch a horror movie, a comedy, or a romantic comedy, it’s the same thing. You are in the movie, right now.
Imagine your lens is watching your personal boundary, your emotional energy, your data processing intellect, and your decision making. What is it seeing? That is your Observing Ego.
Today I want you to start observing yourself and continue practicing it. The better you become at it, the more powerful you will become.
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@chefdadchefkid
Biologist define a living thing as “an entity that makes autonomous decisions.” Decisions are made in Time and carried out across Time.
Time is the only currency we constantly spend, we can never recover, and we cannot make more of. Therefore, the Present Moment is the only place where we can solve our problems and make good decisions.
Giving yourself life is the same as enjoying life more because you are experiencing more life.
Remember the Tortoise represents constructive decisions, the Hare represents impulsive, destructive decisions, and the Rat represents, indecision, anger, and anxiety. If you’re on autopilot and not actively making decisions, you are a little less alive than when you are experiencing life and making good decisions.
Now, we are only live in the Present. The Past is behind us. Can we make decisions in the Past? No. The Future has yet to be written. Can we make decisions in the Future? No.
One important benefit of the Past is that it gives us the experience of “Probability” so we can improve our decision making. “Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”
We can only make decisions right here, right now. You can also only use your 5 senses in the Present. You may have changed a poopy diaper, but odor is right then and there and it is not sitting in front of you while you’re listening to this podcast.
Lastly, Intimacy and relationships all connect right now in the Present. You can’t build rapport with a new client in the Past, and the Future hasn’t arrived yet.
Now we started Chef Dad Chef Kid to help families build that enduring bond between Dad and their kids to strengthen families. Sitting down and having a meal together is one of the few things that brings everything together. We are sitting and spending time together right now. We are engaging our senses of sight, touch, taste, smell, and hearing. And, we have consciously decided to do it together in the Present moment.
If you want to give yourself more “life” and help your kids learn to give themselves. One way to do this is to learn to pray or meditate. Yes, distractions will come and that will help you to learn to notice them and then continue focusing on the present. Distractions are typically from your Past or regarding your Future. Decisions can only be made in the Present.
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@chefdadchefkid
Fear is a powerful tool of manipulation. 4 examples.
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When people fear missing out, they are proving to you that they are not satisfied with something.
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The last 3 years have proven we can’t trust government agencies to tell us the truth and now they are leveraging their muscle to silence political opponents thus causing more fear.
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All the hot bodies and smiling faces on social media cover over a lot of very discontented people.
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Everyone has an expiration date. When you die, you can’t take your Aventador or Centenario with you. And no matter what, just like you, they will eventually turn to dust.
Studies performed that reviewed people that were dying have fascinating results. The vast majority of people have substantial levels of discontent and regret. Very few have a deep fulfillment for everything they’ve accomplished.
Durable Fulfillment is a result of a person feeling they have completed their mission. They have run their race. They have lived their life, eaten the chocolate cake, enjoyed their friends, family, and business.
Fulfillment is not a temporary feeling of happiness or success or freedom in life’s peak moments.
Durable Fulfillment is an enduring sense of all three. It comes with physical health, personal boundaries, emotional energy, intellect, and good decision making skills.
It takes time to develop and grow and that is what makes it so special and important to achieve.
So here is the formula:
Happiness (Emotional Energy) + Success (Intellect) + Freedom (Decision Making) + Durability (Personal Boundary) = Durable Fulfillment
Thoughts from 2 Timothy 4:7
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@chefdadchefkid
The BioPsychoStress Model helps us understand our Psychology which is the software we run through our brain hardware.
There are 4 parts to all of our psychology. With these 4 parts we can address any personal, family, or business decision.
Remember, Stress is “a negative emotional energy coming at you from outside of your personal boundary.”
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Our Personal Boundary includes our integrity and what we expect from ourselves and how we allow others to treat us. The Golden Rule is treat others as you would have them treat you.
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Emotional Energy – positive self-esteem versus negative anger and anxiety.
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Intellect – our “data” like beliefs, ideas, values, history, education, and experience.
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Decision-making – Constructive, Destructive, or Indecision
Thoughts from Matthew 22:39
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DQOTD - Chef Dad Chef Kid
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@chefdadchefkid
The BioPsychoStress Model helps us understand how our Brain is the physical part of our human computer. It’s our Hardware.
That means our Psychology is like our software that is programmed by our family, culture, school, etc.
Remember, Stress is “a negative emotional energy coming at you from outside of your personal boundary.”
Stress is therefore different types of data that is being input into our computer software. If the data is actually a virus or a trojan horse program, it will corrupt and destroy your software if it’s left and not removed.
For example, with all of the depressing and angry woke and Leftist ideology that many school teachers are using to indoctrinate our children, and that is trying to destroy your family values, you have to confront the teachers to stop the virus and teach your kids with wisdom and compassion so they can withstand the negativity and pessimism.
That negative emotional energy that divides people instead of uniting them can be overcome by helping your kids make stronger more constructive decisions.
This is how we all become more like the Tortoise with stronger personal boundaries and less like the Rat. Making stronger constructive decisions is like using an antivirus before the virus reprogram our software and take over our system.
The same is true for any type of decision you make. Making better and better decisions helps improve our biology and our psychology. We become more resilient to negative stress and pessimistic people.
Now listen, when I was at my deepest point because of the severe pain and nerve damage from the GBS (Guillan-Barre Syndrome) I won’t lie and tell you I never thought about what might happen if I was no longer with my family. I sought out help to talk about things.
If you are thinking about how things could be better for your family if you weren’t with them, that is a lie from Hell and I encourage you to talk with someone. Therapy and drugs can help get you back to the place where you can begin making better decisions and overcome your difficulties.
This is how it is for us with our families. We can’t help heal in others what we haven’t helped heal within ourselves.
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The BioPsychoStress Model is used to explain the sources of all problems and to provide a starting point and a roadmap to solving for them.
These problems and your responses affect your health and reflect on the level of personal and psychological health you have.
Stress is “a negative emotional energy coming at you from outside of your personal boundary.”
So, in the Tortoise, the Hare, and the Rat story, the Tortoise does very well because of his thick shell. This is his strong personal boundary.
The Hare could potentially turn things around by growing up and making better decisions. The Rat has to learn to overcome his own past choices, grow up, and make better choices.
This is how it is for us with our families. We can’t help heal in others what we haven’t help heal within ourselves.
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@chefdadchefkid
The Tortoise, The Hare, and The Rat teach us all about different parts of our decisions and life choices.
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@chefdadchefkid
The classic story with a twist and social commentary.
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@chefdadchefkid
Top 20 Time Wasters
- Facebook, TikTok, Instagram
- Photo taking, organizing, uploading, and posting
- Momento-gathering
- Personal Grooming
- Exercise
- Affairs
- Playing Games
- TV
- Watching movies
- YouTube (or other online streaming video)
- Going for a Coffee
- Being Sick
- Reading junky books
- Commuting
- Shopping
- Online Shopping
- Accounting
- Organizing/Moving files on your computer
- Cleaning House
- Obsessions – Porn, Gossip Shows, Celebrity Interviews
Top 5 Worthwhile Things
- Connecting with Friends and/or Family.
- Eating good food, slowly.
- Being reliable for your kids’ sake.
- Being in Nature.
- Laugh more. Play more. Worry less!
Thoughts from Ephesian 5:1
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@chefdadchefkid
Surveys indicate that if anything can warm CEOs’ hearts, it is innovation: They need it to remain competitive and to build their businesses. Thus, as a salesperson, you must be an “innovation alchemist.” As the complexity and cost of doing business increases, senior executives often become directly involved in purchasing decisions.
“What you are really selling, and what the customer is really buying, is expertise and your ability to apply it in new ways to improve the customers’ results.”
Studies show that nearly 38% of top executives think of salespeople as colleagues and expect them to develop innovative concepts on their behalf. Become adept at these five procedures:
- Know when and where to provide your innovation expertise: Sometimes, doing so is inappropriate.
Listen First
Your Values Guide Response
- Alert your customers to market and regulatory trends and other factors that may affect their businesses.
Your best customer is your family
Teacher’s Union – DOJ calling concerned parents domestic terrorists
- Stay on the lookout for novel applications.
Creative Ideas Within Values
- Discover and point out your customers’ needs before they express or even identify them themselves.
REAL Conversations
Looking Forward
- Don’t be afraid to try new things. Experiment.
Start small
Cooking the perfect burger
Thoughts from Genesis 1:1-4
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@chefdadchefkid
You are a heartbeat away from your greatest success.
Different things going on just today, I have to update the company website, review new merchandise designs, meet with different team members, check up on project status, discuss new tool designs to create powerful families.
Daughter came up and gave me a hug while I was sitting at my desk and I realized that I helped create that heartbeat.
Then, I helped grow that heartbeat.
Then, I helped nurture that heartbeat.
Then, I helped clothe that heartbeat.
And now, that heartbeat knows these things, appreciates and loves me for it, and listens to me when I give her my thoughts about things.
Thoughts from Psalms 119:11
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@chefdadchefkid
Your results are your responsibility. Your family’s results are also your responsibility.
You may hate the following idea. But, Dad and Mom, you are in sales.
You have competing interests that want to distract your attention from the challenges just like you have competing interests on your job.
Your kids school work has to be negotiated. You need to negotiate your family budget. You need to prioritize when to replace furniture, fix the car, and buy clothes.
All of these require you to become better at communicating and solving problems.
You have to advocate for the things you want with your spouse, or a teacher, or your employer this means you are in the business of finding and presenting solutions.
Your hands on knowledge of how your health also means you must learn to become more involved in the processes surrounding school, physical fitness, and dig in deeper to be more personally effective.
Most school districts send out messages about grades and school assignments. But are you even opening them so your kids know you’re involved? You can’t advocate for what you aren’t aware of.
The wokeism that is going on in the classroom is hurting your families if you aren’t having these conversations with your kids.
Thoughts from
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@chefdadchefkid
Take a second look at the first 5 things we all need to remove from our lives to be successful.
This morning we revisit 1-5 and how attitude drives all of them.
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An unhealthy lifestyle – Making positive choices takes self-control to improve your quality of life. Commit to physical activity and eating well.
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Short-term goals – Should be part of Long-term goals..
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Small ideas – It's okay to start with what's big for where you are now..
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Excuses – Success means taking personal responsibility.
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A “fixed mind-set” – Without hard work, brains and talent won’t lead to success. Success is about embracing a “growth mind-set.” Spend serious time learning how to be better at all you do.
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“Magic bullets” – Focus on incremental improvements.
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Perfectionism – Accept that things are never perfect. Act first and adjust later.
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Multitasking – Focus on one thing until it’s done.
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Trying to control everything – Recognize which variables you can control, and put your attention on those.
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Saying yes all the time – Give time and attention only to things that further your goals.
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Toxic relationships – Consider the people you see most often. Being around people who are doing well will make you more successful, too. See toxic people less.
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Worries about being liked – If you’re doing something truly innovative, some people won’t approve. Who cares.Stick with it, Detractors as a sign that you’re stirring up things in a good way.
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Television and social media – Unless they’re directly linked to something you’re trying to achieve, minimize or get rid of them altogether.
Most people judge others by what they see on the outward appearance. But, you don’t know how life has beat a person up and where they are on their journey.
Thoughts from 1 Thessalonians 5:15
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@chefdadchefkid
There are 13 things that we all need to remove from our lives if we are going to be successful.
These things are absolutely holding you back and all of them you have a degree of control over. Usually, that control is 100%.
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An unhealthy lifestyle – Letting go of an unhealthy lifestyle takes self-control, but will improve quality of life. It requires a commitment to physical activity and eating well.
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Short-term goals – They’ll only lead to short-term results.
-
Small ideas – If you’re not shooting for something big, you’ll never find out what you’re truly capable of.
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Excuses– Success means taking responsibility for your life, even when you can only control your outlook.
-
A “fixed mind-set” – Without hard work, brains and talent won’t lead to success. Success is about embracing a “growth mind-set” and spending serious time learning how to be better at all you do.
-
“Magic bullets” – Focus on incremental improvements.
-
Perfectionism– Accept that things are never perfect, and take a first step anyway. You can always adjust later.
-
Multitasking– Do just one thing, with focus, until it’s done.
-
Trying to control everything – Being overly controlling is counterproductive. Recognize which variables you can control, and put your attention on those.
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Saying yes all the time – Give time and attention only to things that further your goals. This may mean missing out on a few experiences, but the payoff will be big.
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Toxic relationships – Consider the people you see most often. Being around people who are doing well will make you more successful, too. If toxic people are dragging you down, see them less.
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Worries about being liked – If you’re doing something truly innovative, some people won’t approve and that’s okay. Stick to your vision, and take detractors as a sign that you’re stirring up things in a good way.
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Television and social media – Unless they’re directly linked to something you’re trying to achieve, minimize or get rid of them altogether. When you do, you’ll find you have more time to enjoy.
Now, here’s today’s lesson. When other people are contributing to these problem areas. Handle them with empathy but segregate them away from you to the degree you can.
When the person who is causing you your problems is yourself, give yourself the same empathy but judge yourself worthy of success and correct yourself to move forward.
Thoughts from 1 Thessalonians 5:15
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@chefdadchefkid
A staircase takes you upwards and downwards in an orderly fashion. You can’t go left or right unless you reach a landing or you’re in a James Bond movie.
Learning in life is similar to both a staircase and a James Bond movie. Certain steps have to be taken in order and sometimes life throws you a curve ball.
When you’re a baby you learn to roll over. Then you crawl. Then you walk. Then you run. Why does the child want to do this? Because they see everyone around them doing it.
Dads need to model this in life also. Hang out with people that are improving their lives.
What are those people learning?
What are they doing in their spare time?
How are they exercising?
What food are they eating?
How disciplined are they?
Are they living below their means?
Are their children following their lead?
Thoughts from Philippians 4:9
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Have you ever seen a kid running full steam and kind of teeters off to the side and falls down?
What does that child do? They look up and see what mom and dad’s reaction is. If mom and dad are freaked out, they start crying. If they’re calmly watching, they get back up and go play.
Parents that want that child to grow up and understand their choices won’t make a great big fuss. They’ll tell them to get up, brush themselves off, and go on and play.
That child will grow up with greater confidence because of their experiences.
Liberty comes with a price. But, if you want your own liberty, you must defend other people’s liberty, too.
To be at liberty, you have to have the environmental and legal ability to make choices, even if those choices could hurt you, so you can learn from them.
To be confident in those choices, you have to have been burned, cut, scraped up, beat up, knocked down time and again. You have to have had broken relationships and strong relationships. You have to have lost money, lost opportunities, lost work, lost family and friends, made money, made or found opportunities, found work, created an opportunity for yourself or others, and grown new family and friends. That is life.
This also means that your children will grow up with a balanced understanding of the true nature of life and how to win.
My advice is to raise your kids with a box of Band-Aids and an air horn. The Band-Aids are for the booboos. The air horn is to warn them of danger and to celebrate their successes as loudly as possible.
Thoughts from Matthew 7:12
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@chefdadchefkid
One time I asked a guy I worked with, a true expert in his craft, given what he knew of my skills what he thought of my seeking out something else from our current job. His answer was, “I have no idea.”
This guy knew me. He had helped train me. I had worked with him for a couple years already. I would correct me when I was off target and encourage me when I was struggling. His advice had even led me to win an award with a substantial bonus for all of my hard work.
He still didn’t know how to advise me.
It’s partially the same with our kids, our spouses, and ourselves. We are poor observers. We filter things through our own biases. If we are honest, we don’t even know our own True North much of the time.
For some people, the external influences of others is their compass and they get buffeted by every wind that hits them.
Having your own True North helps you stand against the storm. But remember, it has to be internal. True North is not governed by other people because as soon as they remove their guidance or support, you are lost.
For myself, praying and asking God for direction, consistently and with the belief that I will receive an answer, has helped me more times than not. It doesn’t always come when I want it, but I always get direction when I stay open to it coming from any direction.
Thoughts from Matthew 6:6
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@chefdadchefkid
I want things to flow easily. Who doesn’t? But that is not my life experience. My experience is that life is hard and full of challenges.
There are standards that have to be met for everything and everything has variability.
On the Earth, stability is often perceived as the Status Quo with compromise and give and take.
But in engineering stability is perceived as a process that produces a consistent result. That result falls within a range of tolerance until it breaks. Again, this is another way of looking at a status quo.
I have been amazed by some different forms of stability. Benchmark standards to which all other standards are calibrated.
Consider Righteousness doing what is right at all times.
Consider Purity being unmixed or uncut and without contaminants.
If you’re religious,
Consider Holiness as living according to the purity and righteousness of God.
Now consider how you personally meet those standards. That is my biggest challenge. I almost never do.
I wake up tired because I slept late. I eat the wrong food out because I’m impatient and don’t want to wait until I get home. I focus on the less effective part of a solution because I have imperfect information.
I can always strive to be better and my family expects me to be better. And, I then hold my family to the same standards to see them improve.
It’s a challenge I will live for my whole life.
Thoughts from Hebrews 13:8
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@chefdadchefkid
Something I struggle with is my natural human tendency to want to see evil people and organizations, that hurt those I love, destroyed in the most painful way possible.
We make comparisons to mothers being mama bears when fighting for their kids. If you’ve ever seen a bear eat, they go for the soft belly and groin of their prey to devoir the organ meat and kill their prey quickly.
The news has reported many times that a dad has encountered a person abusing their son or daughter and that dad either killing or beating the attacker to the point of death or great bodily injury. Typically, they are not prosecuted because of the regard for defense that good parents are held to.
Revenge against the demonic is not to be provided with ice cream and cake. You fight the demonic with appropriate power and authority.
It is the act of controlling one’s own failures and bad habits that can be overcome when you are willing. Discipline, self-control, personal responsibility will all help you become a better Dad and Mom.
Revenge against your personal weakness is the greatest victory because you strengthen yourself, then your family, then those around you and your community.
The sweetest revenge is a dish served cold. When you overcome something that has been plaguing you for a long time, that is truly sweet.
Thoughts from Romans 12:21 Amplified Bible translation
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@chefdadchefkid
Everything always works its way out. Sometimes that means that circumstances change, sometimes you change, and sometimes how you perceive things change.
When circumstances change, I frequently find that is because things I had no control over to begin with, have come to a resolution, whether or not I’m in favor of them.
When I change, it usually means that I have taken some action like changing a habit, an exercise, food, or medicine that has produced a desired result.
When my perception has changed, I find it is because of experiences of life or other forms of learning that have affected how I see things.
I don’t have the ability to know everything that was in my past, let alone the present, or the future.
So, my attitude drives most of how things work themselves out. Without an improved attitude I won’t change my habits, exercising, eating, or follow through on my health. Without an improved attitude I’ll have a crappy disposition about how I think things should go instead of understanding how things are going.
Thoughts from Romans 8:28
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@chefdadchefkid
I went clothes shopping with my eldest daughter last night. She has grown over the summer and needs new clothes.
When I was a young boy, I remember going to the Lion Store in Westgate Shopping Center. My mom had taken me there to buy a suit.
But, I don’t often remember going shopping with my dad. It happened to the grocery store or to the hardware store, but it wasn’t as frequent.
This was a result, in part, because of the roles they played in the family. Dad was working full time and also had a very long commute. Mom didn’t work as many hour, for many years, while we were all younger.
It’s natural to take this experience and make it your normal. It’s easy to fall into resentment when life throws you a curve ball.
As dad, sometimes it’s tough to ebb and flow you want to go full steam ahead. Sometimes the ebb and flow is full steam ahead when you take a few steps back. When you zoom out and look at things from a higher perspective, the lessons you learned, and are learning, may actually appear to be a straighter line than you can see up close.
Remember to give some mercy to yourself and others along the way.
Thoughts from Lamentations 3:22-23
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@chefdadchefkid
Why is love stronger than fear?
I was so low at a couple points that I wondered if it wouldn’t be better if I died. Suicide is the bottom of the negative spiral. I strongly questioned my need to exist.
What pulled me out was love. A conscious decision on my part to love my kids, my wife, and myself.
Sex is a biological instinct but basically you are a sperm donor if you are not involved with the kids.
Sex is not love.
Love requires free will and it is an everyday choice.
What kind of man are you? What kind of Dad are you?
Would you Fast for your Kids?
Would you Wake up earlier?
Would you commit to yourself for them?
Would you
Take one more class?
Do one more rep?
Make one more sales call?
Thoughts from Mark 8:35
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@chefdadchefkid
Your kids are a reflection of you and the honor you receive is based in part on that reflection.
There are four aspects of our lives that we can work on to receive honor and to grow a positive reflection in our kids.
Family
Body
Mind
Business/Career
Work on these and you will receive honor.
Thoughts from Matthew 5:16
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@chefdadchefkid
You have to be awake to see them. But sometimes you don’t know what you’re experiencing and your gut is uncertain.
What is your gut telling you? Are people using psychology to either motivate or manipulate you and others?
Where do you put your energy? Are you hesitating to jump all in? Are you using your will and efforts out of belief or a good experience? Just because you have the skill and technical competence doesn’t mean your heart is into something or not.
It Takes Heart to be a Dad. Great Dads commit 100% because their love is greater than any circumstance.
It also takes discernment. That is something we all have to instill in our kids. Healthy skepticism is essential for both offense and defense.
My experience in the Church, or the Body of Christ has been mixed. I have seen both amazing good and terrible evil in both the church and in the world. Trusting in God vs Men is always in the experience.
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@chefdadchefkid
@byron_rodgers published a terrifying story of a woman who was almost trafficked into sexual slavery because of a napkin.
Dads are Protectors, Providers, and Mentors. Our greatest job is to raise our kids well. Our greatest opportunity is to shape history.
Share your screw ups so they learn from you. Make life real for your kids.
Entertainment is a lie. Disney+ is a lie.
Engage Reality not cynicism. Cry when it hurts. Laugh out loud when it’s funny.
Be all in. You are a Mighty Man and have been given awesome authority.
Relationship is the key to keeping your flock safe because they know your voice.
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Thoughts from John 10:1-5
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@chefdadchefkid
What are some of the differences between your child and yourself? Time, experience, and wisdom.
Experience comes from both random and specific lessons learned.
Today is different. I want you to lay the foundation for intentional learning. Today we are going to begin something I call: Mining Your Future.
In the Beginning was the Word. Creation began with a thought. Creative Thought is imagination. Imagination brings solutions.
For example, Edison with the Lightbulb, Marconi with the Radio, and Jobs with the iPhone.
Read ~~Ephesians 3:15~~Philippians 1:9-10. Discernment helps us and is a byproduct of experience and applied imagination which could also be preparedness.
Apply your imagination towards thinking about what your healthy family would feel like, look like, and act like.
Take 5 minutes and think about this. Then I want you to describe it in detail by writing it down in a journal or notebook. Journaling your imagination will help you solidify your imagination and visualize what ideas come to your mind.
Email me at info@dqotd.comto let me know how this helps.
Thoughts from Genesis 1:1-2, John 1:1-2, Philippians 1:9-10, Hebrews 12:2
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@chefdadchefkid
You don’t fully believe it, but you have the strength deep inside.
The crap you’ve been through has actually been training to take you higher.
You’ve made mistakes. You’ve said and done things. You’ve scarred your soul. You’ve destroyed in the past.
It’s time to build your future.
To step into the promised land. You must cross the river.
Joshua was between 69-79 yrs old at the crossing of the Jordan River. Conquering the land took 7 additional years.
Thoughts from Joshua 1:1-9
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@chefdadchefkid
Balancing Discipline with the relationship you have with your kids helps them grow more healthy.
One of my girls was using her iPad past curfew. Mom told me she took it away. I told my daughter that I would return it after lunch the next day.
Then she began to negotiate to sleep in late so she could skip breakfast. Then she negotiated for an early lunch.
I got my work done and then focused on spending time with her because the relationship matters. I laid on the floor watching TV. Then we went to the pool I watched her play. Next came running errands.
When we arrived back home I returned iPad and watched her set the alarm.
I made dinner and then came in the bedroom still on iPad at 7:12.
She had hit the snooze.
Preparing podcast thinking about my own discipline in getting things accomplished and what I’m trying to instill in them.
Thoughts from Matthew 22:37-40
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@chefdadchefkid
Names bring Identity, Power, and Authority
Names have meaning and significance. Why do you think people praise the name of people they like versus coming up with ways of disparaging people they don’t as in #FJB?
There are naming conventions that can be based on culture, clan, or tribe, for example.
Also, First Names can be used to declare allegiance, or glorify nature, indicate a characteristic or trait, or align with religion
For example, Sean could be for an Irish family, Rose the flower, Philip for the Bible or horses, and Samuel for the Great Prophet of the Old Testament.
Last names were frequently given based on a skill or trade, as with Goldsmith, Tanner, or Taylor, but also based on family or tradition.
Maternity is certain because we know who gave birth to the child. But, Paternity can be questioned.
You have a moral and legal obligation to give your child your name. A Birth Certificate leads to Citizenship.
Your name is a blessing or curse based on your integrity and honor. Your behavior indicates the respect that you have for your own name.
Thoughts from Ephesians 3:15
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@chefdadchefkid
Copyright Mel Brooks Robin Hood Men in Tights is used as an example and we claim no rights to their work.
Life is not Star Trek where a failed corrupt gubernatorial candidate can become the fictitious President of Fantasy Island.
There are always Winners and Losers. We Win events and move on. We Lose events and move on.
How many cars are you buying?
How many bedroom sets?
How many gallons of milk?
How many pairs of shoes?
We all want fair opportunities. Our self-esteem grows when we have a sense of hard work which leads to victory.
Life is not fair. That isn’t written down anywhere.
Learn and expand capacity. Capacity = Potential
Create your own equality
Thoughts from Proverb 22:4
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@chefdadchefkid
Bank tellers learn to discover Counterfeit bills by being flooded with Real to discern
Stories I was told about my biological father of dying due to Cancer vs Suicide
There were many years blaming God for cancer and then wondering why he chose to leave me.
Fatherlessness robs you of knowing your kids. It robs your kids of their identity through knowing you. It robs mom of safety, security, and femininity.
When I developed GBS, I was praying not to die so my kids would grow up knowing me. I needed to stay around for them and for my wife.
Thoughts from 2 Peter 1:3
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@chefdadchefkid
What are our kids doing when they ask for something? They are communicating with you.
Most common types of communication
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asking for things
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solving problems
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sharing events and time
It is habit forming to spend time and that is a byproduct of the relationship.
What happens when one or the other stops communicating? How painful does it feel to break that communication?
Kids have to grow up and fly on their own.
There is also pain in death of a parent.
Communication is a way of sharing burdens. Burdens are only lighter when we share them with another who can and is willing to help.
Stop sharing your problems with people who can’t
What is prayer? Communication with God
Thoughts from Psalm 68:19
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@chefdadchefkid
Everyone has a Dad Story and Ely Delaney is no exception.
Ely joins us to discuss his Dad philosophy and some of his experiences balancing being an entrepreneur and home life.
Ely Delaney is your Automated Systems Strategist and is also known as “The People Whisperer”. He is very well known for one of his coolest sayings which is “ #meetcoolpeople ”.
He’s the creator of The Follow Up Rockstar System, teaching entrepreneurs how to go from surviving to thriving in any economy through the art and science of building strong relationships and following up for LIFE.
He’s an Amazon bestselling author with his two books “Marketing Tidbits” and “Networking Tidbits”.
With a passion for connecting people, his best-selling training course “Networking Like A Rockstar” has over 1373 students registered globally.
Ely helps speakers, authors, and coaches automate their follow-up to grow their business without having to have an MBA from MIT. He’s the guy to help you build a 24/7 automated system and turn you into a Follow-Up Rockstar!
If you would like to get to know Ely better, contact him at https://connectwithely.com and let him know you heard about him on our show.
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Your choices have a direct effect on the level of light or darkness you walk in.
Your level of ignorance or revelation is therefore based on your choice to investigate and learn new things.
Thee was a study of successful people and their choices towards education versus entertainment.
The healthy, wealthy, and wise made choices towards education and learning new things. The unhealthy, unwealthy, and unwise made choices towards entertainment.
Our light is impacted by other people and the level of influence they have on us.
It’s the same for our kids. Other people influence their light. How do they learn discernment and to filter out other people’s crap and agendas if you aren’t modeling that for them?
Are you cursing your kids to mediocrity?
Show them how to break out so that 5 generations from now, they are singing your praises.
Thoughts from 1 John 1:3-5
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@chefdadchefkid
We basically learn two ways: either from our own experiences or the lessons others teach us through books or their experience.
We also learn more from our loses than from our wins when we apply an open mind to learning.
Therefore Learning + Applied Understanding = Wisdom
In other words, we acquire more wisdom from understanding how we screwed things up and not repeating the same mistakes. If we repeat them, it may be said, we didn’t really learn the lesson.
Responsibility = Strength
We grow stronger by lifting heavy burdens which means taking on more responsibility.
As Dads and Moms, our words have the power to kill.
Let me tell you a story about something my Mom said to me about my Dad.
Thoughts from Proverbs 23:24
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@chefdadchefkid
I had a painful experience the other day. A friend had forgotten a conversation we had and because of that I was hurting emotionally.
I found that this affected my attitude for a few hours. When I realized how it was affecting me and my decision making regarding things I had to do, I decided to forgive them and it helped lift the rest of the issues I was dealing with.
Forgiveness is a seed and it brings forth fruit.
Don’t let someone else’s unintentional or intentional act affect you so that you make permanent choices for a temporary situation.
Sharing an article on the suicide bombing and murder of Egyptian Copts in Alexandria, Egypt. The news anchor, Amr Adeeb, famous in Egypt, was stunned by the forgiveness shown by the wife/mother they interviewed.
Thoughts from Colossians 3:13
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@chefdadchefkid
How often do you have events or circumstances that come around repeat themselves?
We have wins and losses that help us learn how to handle events as they come.
Today is a 4:00 am morning because we have to travel some place and I have to get things done. But I recognized that it is exactly when we would all have to be getting ready for school and work in a couple of weeks.
So, while there aren’t any dress rehearsals for life, as it were. There are opportunities for us to learn how to handle things coming in the future.
Thoughts from Psalm 34:8
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@chefdadchefkid
This morning, as I was having some personal meditation and prayer time before recording, I was confused by something I had read and was thinking about how I am “living”.
Am I living according to my values and core beliefs or am I lying to myself and my family? Am I being the man I want them to perceive or am I falling down? What core values do I need to work on to improve myself?
Thoughts from Galatians 5:25
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@chefdadchefkid
Yesterday, I was having a coaching conversation with some leaders at a company. I had to help them remove the blinders from their eyes in order to improve their teams sales and operational performance.
I use the same method with my kids all the time.
Why do we have expectations of others to do more than is in their best interest? We all have free will but we suffer when others don’t do what we expect them to do. That could be on our job, in our family, with others in business or politics.
Sean Whalen, Founder of Lions not Sheep, was discussing why he made a business decision and how it would affect his 20 employees and their future.
Gary Vaynerchuk was pointing out that having 0 expectations about a person’s efforts and performance is preferable so you can keep yourself level and get things done.
Someone may not ask for it and others may not think they are deserving of it. We give honor where honor is due and support others when they should be supported.
Thoughts from 1 Corinthians 12:23-26
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@chefdadchefkid
Affirmations are statements that are made until belief grows and triggers your brain to believe what you are saying. The reason most people who write down and read affirmations get frustrated and quit, is not only because of their lack of discipline, but also they are not getting the dopamine hit from instant gratification.
They are expecting miracles and pixie dust to solve their problems.
Jesus doesn’t walk around with a magic wand to take all of your problems and pain away.
Declarations are statements made from a position of belief and therefore they have authority and power already.
You must exercise your authority and power correctly. This involves work, very often, hard work. This involves time, very often longer time than we want to wait. It also involves greater rewards than you can presently imagine if you exercise it in a way that is bigger and greater than you.
You may have favor in a situation or not. It isn’t for you to gloat and rub it in people’s faces.
It is for you to glorify God through the accomplishment.
You have the authority to engage your creativity and to declare a solution to what you are seeking. That doesn’t mean that you won’t have to be strong and go to war with whatever you are fighting.
It does mean, that if you are able to see the God-sized challenges in front of you, that you can overcome them in time.
Thoughts from 1 Corinthians 16:13 and Psalms 31:24
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@chefdadchefkid
Where do you put your energy? What do you commitment your efforts to?
You can tell a lot about a person’s beliefs by their actions.
If you’re unhealthy, track what you eat and drink for one day. If you are always complaining about not having enough time, track what you watch, play, or do for one day.
The same formula reveals the truth about our values towards life and our commitments to ourselves, our goals, and others.
Thoughts from John 15:13
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@chefdadchefkid
I’ve spent a lot of time in my life thinking about the voice of Dad that I was missing growing up.
It caused me to listen to the wrong men. Men who were lacking in their own ways. Some were missing levels of empathy, others were missing self-confidence, and still others their own direction.
It took me years of learning God’s voice in my life and I don’t pretend to always know it. But, it’s not the big booming voice of Yul Brynner’s and Charlton Heston’s movie the 10 Commandments.
A Dad’s voice needs to have the full range from soft to very robust and hard. Dad’s can’t be wussies in this world. Men need to stand up and make their voices heard.
That also means they need to work on how they express that voice with their wife and kids.
Thoughts from Psalms 29:3, Ezekiel 10:5, 1 Kings 19:11-14
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@chefdadchefkid
How often do you work on controlling your thoughts?
It's not always easy, is it?
As a man, I can see a good-looking woman and wonder what it would be like having sex with her. But, this happens to women, too.
We have thoughts and we an bring them in control. It starts with recognizing who influences us.
Are they wise or fools? Are they intentionally working against our values, our family, or our goals?
We all can cut out the foolishness in our lives.
Thoughts from 2 Corinthians 10:5, Ecclesiastes 2:16, Proverbs 15:14, 13:20, 17:10, 14:7, 26:11
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@chefdadchefkid