Hairy Butthole: Recent Episodes
Youngmi Mayer
Hairy Butthole is a podcast based on the Korean saying "If you laugh while crying, hair will grow out of your butthole!" Each week Youngmi Mayer is joined by a guest with a sad story and counters it with a funny one in hopes of causing hair to grow out of their butthole.
This week Youngmi reads her latest blog post to promote her substack. The essay focuses on how men throughout history have blamed women for.. everything.
This week Youngmi talks to Jeff Gunther (LPC and Content Creator @therapyjeff) about how bizarre it was to be going through exactly what his clients were going through during Covid. Including the beginning and end of a Covid relationship, shifting careers, and watching all 5 million seasons of Survivor. Jeff also discusses how he went from being a LPC to an extremely popular content creator, what he thinks about the modern trend of "Gen Z self-diagnosis" and his thoughts on going no contact... with your parents.
This week Youngmi talks with Kevin Hayes (content creator, @thedirtiestrainbow) about their adventures with Skatman.
May Hong (voice actor, Kpop Demon Hunters) joins Youngmi to commiserate over having career success while still struggling financially. They discuss how juggling relationships with everyone from family to strangers on the street change, and the fears and hopes triggered by the shift in how they are perceived.
Hairy Butthole Podcast is back with a new episode. Youngmi talks about the strange juxtaposition of having perceived success while being the brokest she's ever been in her entire life. She gets into the emotions behind being broke and the reasons she finds it difficult to be candid about this particular struggle after being open about every other hardship. She also touches on possible future projects.
This week, Youngmi talks to Kimmy Yam (journalist at NBC News). Kimmy shares a relatable story about a time when she was a child that her parents forgot to pick her up from school. Although this is a common experience among children, she discusses the added stress of being the only Asian family in a small town, and how that dynamic played into every event in her childhood. She also discusses her how her parents coped with trauma in two extreme ways: her mother by developing severe depression and her dad adapting a veneer of unbreakable positivity. Also she gives us her professional journalistic take on the Maui wildfires, with nuance difficult to hear elsewhere.
This week, Youngmi brings on her chaotic daily group chat members: Alex Pemoulie and John deBary. They discuss the modern phenomenon of the group chat and why they think it plays such a huge role in the daily lives of everyone today. They talk about the origins of the rise of the popularity of the medium stemming from older forms of communication from Y2K chat interfaces like AIM, to ancient rituals of tribal gossip. John also talks about the sadness of turning 40 and Alex talks about talking shit!
This week, Youngmi talks with Doyeon You (fashion content creator @yoni0323, founder of C'Est D) about the rigid beauty standards in South Korea. Doyeon is a fashion designer and creator of content based on body positivity. She discusses what her life was like growing up in Korea as someone considered "overweight" by Korean standards. They touch on their shared experiences of being constantly body shamed and scrutinized by the Korean public, and the reasons why they believe this is such a large part of Korean culture.
This week, Youngmi chats with Laura Danger (@thatdarnchat, educator, content creator, author of the upcoming book No More Mediocre). Laura talks about her extremely viral Internet content on the subject matter of weaponized incompetence among men in cishet relationships/marriages and breaks down some of the mind blowing statistics surrounding the distribution of domestic labor. Laura and Youngmi also touch on the celebrity gossip surrounding Ariana Grande and why it's so harmful to reduce the story down to her being a homewrecker.
This week, Youngmi is joined by Laurie Woolever (Author of Bourdain: The Definitive Biography, World Travel: An Irreverent Guide) who discusses the loss of her mother to multiple sclerosis. She talks about what it was like growing up while knowing her mother had an illness which was most likely going to take her life. She also discusses how certain sad events caused her to laugh uncontrollably and examines what that reaction meant.
This week, Youngmi talks with Charlie Bardey (comedian, host of Exploration Live Comedy podcast) about the pain of breakups. Charlie and Youngmi touch on their recent breakups and how they deal with the same pain in opposite ways. Charlie explains his impulse to try to keep his exes in his life at all costs and Youngmi explains why she feels the need to block them on everything and never think about them again. Charlie also touches on the unusual experience of "losing a future" and having to move through an unimagined timeline and how the presence of your ex often feels like a ghost.
This week Youngmi sits with KimChi (founder of KimChi Chic Beauty) about the recent surge in homophobia online. She touches on how pride feels different this year than previous years as corporations have pulled away due to online hysteria. She also discusses her upcoming two books: a YA novel about the importance of public libraries to children and a lifestyle book about her travels and food.
This week, Youngmi discusses a topic suggested by a listener about her relationship with her queer identity. She talks about why it's difficult for her to discuss, as well as the relationships she's had later in her adult life.
This week, Youngmi discusses "people pleasing trauma response." She talks about the realization she had around this trauma response and the work she's done to move away from it as well as experiencing it in someone else and the harm it caused her. Leading her to ultimately realize how manipulative and harmful this response is. She also touches on a bizarre coincidence about the billionaire submersible implosion no one seems to be discussing.
This week, Youngmi discusses how she plots out her work week while living with ADHD, which makes it nearly impossible to set a schedule and adhere to it every day. She also touches on the feelings of inadequacy stemming from a childhood of undiagnosed ADHD, which caused her to internalize the message that there is something "wrong" with her.
This week, Youngmi jokes about the differences between New York and Los Angeles from Los Angeles. Joking aside, she discusses why it's funny but also sort of sad when people make broad generalizations about differences in people who live in different cities. She also discusses the relentless feeling of not doing enough work and not making enough money.
This week, Youngmi discusses an emotional symptom of experiencing negligent abuse as a child. She talks about why she feels the need to always be “ok” and how that has profoundly harmed her. She discusses the importance of pointing out negligent abuse because for most people experiencing trauma around it, it is invisible. She also points out that many of the behaviors of our parents and the boomer generation mirror hers, and are most likely caused by the same sort of neglect.
This week, Youngmi is joined by Milly Tamarez (comedian, host of The Betches Sup podcast). Milly discusses a sad story that happened in her early 20s when she lacked the confidence to stand up to bad behavior from men she was dating. She also touches on a phase in her life when she only dated Asian men because she was influenced by stereotypes about Asian men. Youngmi discusses how those unfair stereotypes and exclusion from sexual viability has led to some Asian men developing “fuckboy” behaviors in order to prove them “wrong.”
This week, Youngmi speaks with Whitley Watson (comedian, host of Club Video). They discuss their shared experiences as biracial people and the similarities and differences as biracial people who are half Asian and half Black. They also touch on the idea that race is a social construct and therefore not “real” yet respecting the fact that racial identity is deeply important to a lot of people in their respective communities. Whitley discusses a traumatizing incident in high school where her high school crush who happened to be white attacked her for her “Black” features after a confusing pseudo-sexual encounter. Youngmi brings up the difficulties for young people of color who have to navigate not only their teenage raging hormones but also bear the weight of pathological societal ideologies such as racism and misogyny.
This week Youngmi speaks with Geoff Rickly (lead singer of Thursday) about his heroin recovery. After struggling with addiction for years, Geoff decided to take a powerful psychedelic treatment known as Ibogaine. Because of the risk of death during the treatment process he had to travel to Mexico. He discusses what he learned about himself and his ultimate journey out of heroin addiction. He also discusses self-hatred, hating your inner child, and the compartmentalization of different aspects of his person.
This week, Youngmi chats with Sarah Hartshorne (comedian, writer, abortion activist, former ANTM contestant). Sarah discusses how so many things in life exist on both sides of the moral boundary. She touches on how in the fashion industry, a lot of the harm is perpetuated by former victims. She also discusses how abortion transcends people's individual ideas of "good" and "bad". She talks about her work as an abortion advocate while breastfeeding her newborn (metaphor alert).
With Halloween right around the corner this week, Youngmi discusses how she sees ghosts! She shares the most vivid encounters she's had to date (and scares herself in the process). She talks about intellectually refusing to believe ghosts are real and the journey she had in trying to diagnose her visions as mental illness, before ultimately accepting that there are things out of her understanding. She touches on viewing this aspect of her life through a white lens as well as a Korean cultural lens.
(CW: SA) This week, Youngmi talks to Jeremy Holt (graphic novel writer) about their identity as a transracial adoptee and nonbinary person. Jeremy talks about how growing up in an all-white community, they couldn't recognize their reflection as their own. They also discuss the reason they set out to explore their Asian identity. Jeremy also shares a sad story about a reaction their friend had to hearing about their sexual assault, and how that person's reaction stemmed from his inability to process his own sexual assault and victimhood.
This week, Youngmi talks to James Tison (standup comedian) about the impact living in the closet for the first 15 years of their life had on them. Being taught to hide and lie about their personality has had a lasting impact on them, in ways that are visible to this day. They discuss learning how their parents' emotions were deemed more important than their own, leading them to believe that there is no room for their own emotions to this day. Youngmi and James also joke about their times doing open mics and standup shows in the days before the pandemic.
(CW: Suicide) This week, Youngmi speaks to Ai Vy Luu (comedian, Comedy Central, Reductress). Ai Vy and Youngmi talk about sex. A lot. Then Ai Vy opens up about a very difficult period of her life and the factors that led to her attempted suicide. She discusses personal hardships but also touches on the large-scale traumas we are all facing as a society, causing us all to be “soft suicidal.”
This week Youngmi talks to Audrey Taylor (@audreytaylorvisuals) about a huge fight they had a year into the pandemic. Audrey and Youngmi are personal friends who went through a tumultuous time after being reunited. They discuss how the pandemic deteriorated their mental health, as well as the explosion of anti-Asian hate crimes, led them to behave in two distinct incompatible ways and “break up” for a year. They also discuss how they mended their friendship, which involves Youngmi apologizing to Audrey for calling her a dumb bitch.
(CW: SA) This week, Youngmi speaks with Yurie Collins (actor, filmmaker, TikTok personality) about her life as a hostess in a Japanese hostess club. Yurie discusses a sad story about how a male patron assaulted her during a drunken bout and how the transactional nature of sex work-adjacent work is directly tied to deep self-hatred of men who believe they cannot be loved. They also touch on the ubiquitous nature of hostess bars in East Asia and why shame is placed on the women who work there and not the men who patronize it, when in fact they are the losers for having to pay people to hang out with them. Youngmi touches on her personal experience in this line of work. They also dissect how both of their biracial identities play into the world of dating, and ask the question, "Who are biracials supposed to date?"
This week Youngmi Mayer discusses returning home for the first time since the Covid-19 pandemic. She talks about the ways in which therapy has completely changed her brain and her outlook on life. She talks about noticing how her mind has moved away from a heightened trauma state and how that transformation took her by surprise. She talks about continuing her relationship with her family despite childhood trauma, as opposed to completely cutting them off, and the difficulties of maintaining those relationships.
This week Youngmi Mayer talks to Roberto Santos (Chair of Pride Marianas). Roberto is Chamorro, Carolinian and white and recently moved back to the island of Saipan in the Marianas. He discusses what it feels like to be from a remote part of the world that people typically do not know anything about. He talks about the reasons he moved back on island and how “pride” for him encompasses the intense pride he has for his ethnic background as well as LGBTQIA+ advocacy. He also touches on how queer identity is viewed in the Marianas Islands. Youngmi discusses how she remembers meeting him for the first time in grade school.
This week, Youngmi talks to her father, Roger Mayer. Roger talks about the lives of his mother and father who were both first-generation Americans from European immigrant families. He discusses how the world wars affected his family directly, causing his German-born family members to move back to Germany in support of the Nazi party. He also talks about how even as a child it disturbed him that they were allowed to return to America after the war. Youngmi talks about the strange experience of being a biracial person who has both family members who were nazis and also family members who were the victims of racial genocide. Roger talks about how he hated his childhood in Jersey City, which led him to leave the US permanently in the mid-1980s. He discusses living in Zambia, Spain, Alaska, Angola, Saipan, South Korea, and Novato.
This week I talked to my mom, Ippun Mayer (AKA the person who said "If you laugh while crying hair grows out of your butthole). She talked about my great-grandmother getting kidnapped, my grandmother being forced to marry a poor guy, my uncle being murdered by Japanese soldiers, and the suicides of my other uncle and grandfather. She also talked about why it's important to her that Koreans do not continue to hate Japanese people. Also she laughs a lot while talking about these horrors beyond our imaginations, Hairy Butthole style.
This week I talked to the amazing comedian Jenny Arimoto about the death of her grandmother a decade after being diagnosed with dementia. Jenny talks about the cruelty of prolonging life in someone who no longer has the capacity to consent and talks about the infinite layers of emotions that surround death and illness. We talked about how death is perceived differently in Asian vs. American families and the problem with the idea that life events are either all good or all bad. Also I read the most deranged email I’ve ever received from an ex boyfriend.
This week I talk to Vanessa Lavorato (Bong Appétit, Owner of Marigold Sweets) about the restaurant industry. Vanessa and I met while living in San Francisco in the late aughts. We talk about how we were both drawn to this work because of our traumatic childhoods and how so many people with similar backgrounds find comfort in the abusive familiarity of restaurant service. We also discuss the cult-like following that surrounds famous chefs and the hypocrisy of the wealthy white elite in the Bay Area co-opting organic food. Vanessa also touches on the long-lasting emotional effects of being in a relationship with a serial cheater.
This week I talk to comedian Kelly Bachman (Hysterical on FX, Rape Victims Are Horny Too). Kelly blew up on the internet after confronting Harvey Weinstein at a comedy show back in 2019. She joins Hairy Butthole to talk about how she started doing stand-up specifically to joke about rape after an assault left her searching for material from the survivor's perspective. She discusses how the MeToo movement pushed her into this pursuit and the spectacular coincidence that she was the one who ended up confronting the person at the core of the movement.
I chat with Lucie Pohl (standup comedian) about the two times of her life when she was sexually assaulted, once as an 11-year-old child and then recently by a fellow standup comedian. She talks about the recent assault and how it triggered a rush of memories she had repressed from the childhood attack. She discusses talking to her parents about it for the first time, and how she felt as a child after her parents pretended it basically didn't happen.
In this episode, I am solo and I discuss my abortion and the events leading up to it. I also talk about how I don't think my abortion is sad and how we should normalize all reactions to abortion because the singular narrative about women being sad about abortion is damaging to the core message because abortion is not a death of a child, it's a medical procedure that for a lot of people is void of emotion or grief. I also talk about the misogynistic culture I grew up in and how it led me to ultimately need an abortion.
In this episode, I talk to my friend Alex Pemoulie (Restaurant Worker's Community Foundation) about her infant son going through open heart surgery after finding out he was at high risk of losing his life to a heart defect. She discusses postpartum depression and how it manifested in her being obsessed with the death of her children and the irony of her child being found out later to have a possibly fatal heart defect. We also talk about how her grief showed up in a form of a psychotic break months before the procedure, so that by the time she was experiencing the surgery, she was calm and collected. We talk about how she felt the hospital staff were confused by her calmness and how that could appear as coldness to strangers who did not know about how she grieved the surgery months before.
In this episode, I talk to Dylan Adler (comedian, TikTok star) about his grandmother's death and how he couldn't cry about it. We discuss the “social requirements” for grief and how not fulfilling them (i.e. crying at the funeral) adds pressure and the guilt of not showing grief in the way society finds acceptable. Dylan does end up crying at the end because he remembers something funny that his grandma did, and somehow that's what stirs up sadness in him.
This week I talk about my personal history with plastic surgery in full detail. I talk about why it took me so long to openly discuss this in public, because I have never struggled to share any aspect of my life publicly, no matter how humiliating. I talk about the narrative surrounding plastic surgery in South Korea, and how it's an extremely nuanced and complicated subject that's been reduced to a racist talking point. I talk about the things that happened in my life that lead to me wanting to alter my body and how it's a confusing relationship between self-hatred and self-acceptance that I've yet to figure out. I also talk about getting really cheap botox on Groupon.
On this episode I sit with Helen Cho, a well known Producer/Director most recently of My Next Guest Needs No Introduction With David Letterman and Takeout With Lisa Ling. She is most well known for producing No Reservations with the late Anthony Bourdain and in this episode of the podcast she discusses his death for the first time ever in public. She was his "only friend" as described by his acquaintances and herself identifies as his "bulldog" meaning it was her job to advocate for him and act as a semi secret service person. She talks about the hidden nature of their friendship and going through grief quietly while watching the entire world grieve his death as well.