Relevant Faith Journey: Recent Episodes
Sharon Beck-Doran
I am reflecting on advent seasons past in this episode. As a pastor, I often wrote advent readings and created content for my congregation. One series I am particularly proud of was called the Kindness Challenge. Remembering has helped me think about setting an intention for the next year.
You can see videos of the Kindness Challenge here:
Kindness Challenge 1: https://youtu.be/gcNVxJsZzbM?si=GzpRCdf0Ggo1-_yf
Kindness Challenge 2: https://youtu.be/D2C1sYI6Mio?si=Nu6_d8lqf12Y9Mba
Kindness Challenge 3: https://youtu.be/9RZ2n3Yr4bs?si=dRsfv90Qn_0MhE0d
Kindness Challenge 4: https://youtu.be/BEi6ocJ7c68?si=W4BLrWBPJ8G7fIx0
I used to say that sexuality shouldn’t define identity. As Christians our identity is first as children of God and followers of Jesus before anything else. I realize now that as a heterosexual woman, being defined by something other than my sexuality is a privilege.
In this episode I'll start with my own journey from quiet support of my friend to fully affirming of LGBTQ+ people. This was prompted by reports that the Church of the Nazarene had removed the senior pastor of San Diego First Church for advocating for more open conversations around same sex marriage. I'll talk about the controversy in the church and expand to discuss the affects of evangelism and colonialism on anti-LGBTQ+ ideas internationally. Real light stuff, right?
Here are some reference materials that I used in writing this episode:
Hirsch, Debra, Redeeming Sex: Naked Conversations About Sexuality and Spirituality, IVP, April 2015, page 114. On Amazon.com
From The Point, PLNU’s Student New Media "Dean of Theology and Christian Ministry Allegedly Fired Leaving Faculty, Community Members Shocked and Upset"
Paragraph 31 of the Nazarene Manual
Dee Kelley “A Hope For Change”
From one of the critics of Dee Kelley https://reformednazarene.wordpress.com/responses-by-point-loma-on-the-homosexual-controversy/
Gallup Poll from 2021
UMC membership and attendance statistics https://www.umc.org/en/content/united-methodists-at-a-glance
Church of the Nazarene Annual/Decadal Statistical Report
PBS News Article https://www.pbs.org/newshour/world/where-african-countries-stand-in-their-struggle-toward-more-inclusive-lgbtq-laws
5 Countries in Africa That Have Legalized Same-Sex Relationships in the Past 10 Years
AP News article “Oil Spill from Shell” June, 2023
In this episode I use reflect on Barbie, the movie, to talk about the challenge our culture is having to re-define masculinity.
Conservative Evangelicals have been posting on social media that Barbie is inappropriate for children. Since there's no kissing, no sex and "crap" is the worst cus word, I call BS. Seeing a reflection of patriarchy in the form of a Barbieland role reversal has been offensive to far-right conservatives, who continue to assert that men need to be manly, tough and in charge. The value these haters bring is that they validate the experience of many men today.
Lastly, I want to talk about how the crisis of what defines manhood is affecting our relationships.
Here are some links to content referenced in this episode:
Common Sense Media Review of Barbie
In case you’re like me and didn’t immediately know what “beat off” means Urban Dictionary
Hannah Anderson "Barbie and Ken Go East of Eden" from Christianity Today
Christine Emba “Men are lost. Here’s a map out of the wilderness.”
Here’s a link to the full post which I do not affirm, but think is an interesting perspective. Facebook
CBMW Web Site History Page https://cbmw.org/about/history/
Interesting thoughts from @hope_peddler on the future of cis hetero marriages TikTok
This idea came from a very insightful article by Nicholas Balaisis at Psychology Today.
How does a man become a leading authority on relationships and parenting, yet has never married or fathered a child?
In this week's episode I reflect on the Amazon Prime Documentary Series "Shiny Happy People: Duggar Family Secrets." Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar were reality TV stars on TLC's hit show "19 and Counting." Their odd lifestyle with so many children drew millions of viewers. In the process of telling their story, we learn about the cult-like IBLP and it's leader, Bill Gothard.
It's tempting to label this group as an outlier--an extreme example of what male headship can do if it's taken too far. But I would argue the IBLP and stories shared in "Shiny Happy People" are not far from mainstream evangelical culture.
Lastly, I share my thoughts on separating the scriptures from systems of oppression in evangelical culture through humility and curiosity.
Let me know your thoughts at www.relevantfaithjourney.com
Resources used in this episode:
Buzzfeed article that recaps Josh Duggar’s trial and explains that his prison sentence was extended. https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/juliareinstein/josh-duggar-federal-prison-sentence-extended
Washington Post article from 2016 that reports on Gothard’s abuse accusations. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/acts-of-faith/wp/2016/01/06/new-charges-allege-religious-leader-who-has-ties-to-the-duggars-sexually-abused-women/
This week I'm diving into the topic of sexual desire. Purity culture taught us that men can't help but be tempted to sexual sin and women are just not that into it. We have been tasked with being the gatekeepers. The truth is that our relationship needs are actually the same.
Both men and women need connection, intimacy and enjoy sexual pleasure. Our culture doesn't make it safe for women to express their sexuality or men to be emotionally vulnerable. But I believe there's hope for healing. Our sexuality is a testament to God’s abundant grace.
Here are a few resources that I used in this episode:
2001 Forbes article on the business of pornography: https://www.forbes.com/2001/05/25/0524porn.html?sh=5d95108b7984
1999 Guardian article that talked about the history and rise of internet pornography: https://www.theguardian.com/technology/1999/sep/30/onlinesupplement#:~:text=In%201993%20and%20'94%2C%20the,text%20and%20file%20transfer%20capabilities.
The Great Sex Rescue has an extended chapter on how evangelical women have been taught to believe they are obligated to have sex even when they don't want to. Definitely worth the read. I’ll talk more about this in an upcoming post.
Gregoire, Sheila Wray, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, Joanna Sawatsky. The Great Sex Rescue. Baker Books, 2021, page 12.
Forbes article that talks about the Orgasm gap and sites studies that confirm these numbers: https://www.forbes.com/sites/alicebroster/2020/07/31/what-is-the-orgasm-gap/?sh=e42159660f8e
Baptist News Report on Evangelical’s sex lives https://baptistnews.com/article/do-conservative-evangelicals-enjoy-better-sex-and-marriage-a-response-to-josh-howerton/
This week I am talking about consent and digging into our understanding of sexual violence. Often we imagine a struggle that leaves the victim bruised and beaten. But more often sexual trauma is caused by a partner that assumes "Yes" until he or she hears "No." And that word is more difficult to voice that one might think.
I'll give a real life illustration of our tolerance for sexual violence. Hint: it's political and I questioned if I should cut it out because I am going to tell you how I really feel.
I'll wrap up with a retelling of my own journey toward healing and talk about the power of story telling.
Here are a few resources that are relevant to this episode:
You can read Mel Carney's story and find his book here: https://www.commandatdawn.com/
The CDC has a web site dedicated to information on sexual violence: https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/sexualviolence/fastfact.html
Transcript of Donald Trump’s Access Hollywood recording with Billy Bush. https://www.bbc.com/news/election-us-2016-37595321
This article outlines the list of Trump’s accusers https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-sexual-assault-allegations-all-list-misconduct-karen-johnson-how-many-a9149216.html
Have you ever stopped to think about the messaging to women about their words. I'll relate a few examples from sermons, books and experiences that give a picture of the repeated admonition that women should watch what they say. I'll talk about the myth that women talk too much and explore where we go from here.
I'll finish up with a retelling of a recent experience at a women's retreat and the story of Julius Jones.
Link to the Bare Marriage Podcast episode: https://baremarriage.com/2023/03/do-women-talk-more-than-men-podcast/
Amazon book summary quote for Keep it Shut
Quoted in this episode: Every Woman’s Battle: Discovering God’s Plan for Sexual and Emotional Fulfillment. Shannon Ethridge, Waterbrook Press, 2003, page 106.
Link to the source for James Dobson quote: http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/myl/languagelog/archives/003420.html
Scientific American Study that explains a study about the number of words men and women say: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/women-talk-more-than-men/
I really enjoyed this article about relationships. It was the source for the information on the review of 56 linguistic studies: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/marriage-equals/201910/do-women-really-talk-more-men
The research paper describes men and women group conversation. It’s a little too dense for me to summarize, but best I can tell it describes some of what I’m talking about with interruptions. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/264524279_Gender_Inequality_in_Deliberation_Unpacking_the_Black_Box_of_Interaction
Read more about CeCe Jones-Davis and Julius Jones here: https://religionnews.com/2022/02/09/cece-jones-davis-continues-support-for-julius-jones-who-she-helped-get-off-death-row/
In this week's episode I talk about Saddleback Church's exit from the Southern Baptist Convention over the ordination of women. This even gets at a deeper issue. I discus the doctrine of complementarianism, the divide between men and women that needs healing and give some advice on how to bring change to your faith community.
Here are a few resources that I used in this episode:
Listen to Rick Warren’s speech here: https://youtu.be/MBsT1zFmC3E
A previous blog post on Complementarianism: https://www.relevantfaithjourney.com/post/brighter-together-does-equal-mean-equal
The Baptist Faith & Message 2000 Section on Family: https://bfm.sbc.net/bfm2000/#xi
I do not address the scriptural basis for equality beliefs here, but here is a previous post that is relevant to the topic: https://www.relevantfaithjourney.com/post/brighter-together-the-intersection-of-scripture-and-gender-roles
This is also great TikTok about women preachers and the Bible: https://www.tiktok.com/@pastorparrott/video/7202680079216839978
Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood Mission Statement, quoted in this episode: https://cbmw.org/about/mission-vision/
Here’s the URL for the excerpt from Beth Moore’ Memoire talking about her experience of being welcomed in an Anglican church. Christianity Today Article
You can find an extended report on Beth Moore’s exit from the SBC here: Religion News Article
Beth Moore’s blog post from 2018: “A Letter to My Brothers.” You should read the whole thing. It’s good. https://blog.lproof.org/2018/05/a-letter-to-my-brothers.html
This isn’t so much about what’s happening at Asbury University, although it does provide a backdrop for the topic. I’m talking about the shortsighted emphasis on a personal religious experience that white Christians (including myself) lean into. This comes in to play around our ideas about revival.
(spoiler alert) In contrast, our black and brown brothers and sisters in Christ see God’s salvation as being at work in community, bringing systemic change. That means they tend to be a lot more concerned with social issues and transformation beyond the individual. I think there’s something for us to learn in that. In a small way it mirrors the message of Love in Action that preceded some of what’s happening now at Asbury.
Let me know what you think! What ways have you found to pursue transformation in your life and community?
Here are a couple of references that come from this episode:
Last week I talked about gender roles through the 60s and 70. This week I'm picking up in the 1980s with the development of the Christian media marketplace. TV preachers, Christian bookstores, musicians and merchandise all began to shape a somewhat uniform evangelical culture in the US. With that came the rise of purity culture, the effects of which cannot be understated.
I wrap up this episode with some space to grieve what has been lost to purity culture and look forward to more healing in the days to come.
I used several resources in writing this episode. Here are where you can find them.
Kenneth Copeland's Blog: https://blog.kcm.org/the-7-laws-of-prosperity/
This is an article about the history of sex education in the United States:
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/uploads/filer_public/da/67/da67fd5d-631d-438a-85e8-a446d90fd1e3/20170209_sexed_d04_1.pdf
Lifeway's site that show the history of the True Love Waits Campaign:
https://www.lifeway.com/en/product-family/true-love-waits/history
Washington Post article that talks about Joshua Harris:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/long-an-outsider-popular-evangelical-pastor-heads-for-the-mainstream/2015/01/30/31827364-a881-11e4-a7c2-03d37af98440_story.html
Joshua Harris' apology: https://joshharris.com/i-kissed-dating-goodbye
Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers on the Reclaiming My Faith Podcast I definitely recommend this whole series. https://www.buzzsprout.com/1136723/11786604-from-purity-culture-sexual-shame-w-dr-tina-schermer-sellers
In this episode I'll talk about some of the roots of purity culture that came about in the 1960s and 70s. In the midst of the feminist movement, the sexual revolution, the Cold War and the Vietnam Conflict, evangelicals identified a crisis of the family. It's true, folks needed help navigating changing power dynamics in their relationships. The evangelical response was to double down on the way things were. If traditional gender roles worked before, they should work now.
In this episode I make several references to the following book:
Du Mez, Kristin Kobes. (June 2020) Jesus and John Wayne: How White Evangelicals Corrupted a Faith and Fractured a Nation.I also gathered information on the Vietnam War from Wikipedia. You can find it here:
Vietnam War—The Aftermath. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vietnam_War#Casualties
Continuing this series on gender roles, in this episode I look at two passages from the Bible where the Apostle Paul gives relationship advice. The first is 1 Corinthians 7 and is mentioned on occasion. The second is Ephesians 5.21-33 that I talked about in the last episode which has been used to reinforce a traditional view of gender roles. Although I hope to reframe these passages, my goal is for us to be honest about our biases and ask, "Why do we favor this view over the other?"
Continuing this series on gender roles, I am diving into this concept of Complementarianism. It was a new term for me until we started attending a church that didn't ordain women pastors. Is it truly equality if certain roles are unavailable? Some say yes and some say no. There is a lot more to say about how these ideas effect our relationships, so stay tuned for next week's episode.
Here are a few of the resources I used in this episode:
Here’s a short video that talks about the origin of the term. https://www.biblestudytools.com/video/what-is-complementarity.html
[Here’s an article that does a good job of explaining both viewpoints: https://www.christianity.com/wiki/christian-terms/what-are-complementarianism-and-egalitarianism-what-s-the-difference.html
The online commentary from David Guzik: https://www.blueletterbible.org/comm/guzik_david/study-guide/ephesians/ephesians-5.cfm?a=1102027
In this episode I talk about the benefit of men and women working together. What big corporations have figured out is that a diverse workforce is the most profitable. But there is still work to be done, especial in faith communities. Building on ideas from the last episode, I'm exploring ideas about gender and culture.
Here's the URL for a study referenced in this episode:
https://leanin.org/women-in-the-workplace?gclid=CjwKCAiAwc-dBhA7EiwAxPRylDepT5sfdg6-p1QRZ4ygHu9sCWOgkAhDpdGYzJ_Wo5IiRlR2Sihm2BoC4QgQAvD_BwE
Occasionally, I wonder if I peaked in college when I was selected to preach for chapel in front of 1500 of my peers. I aspired to be a Senior Pastor one day, so what happened? In this episode, I talk about living in Hawaii, how a little church helped me develop as a leader and look at the longer arc of my shooting star. For a variety of reasons we often hold ourselves back from doing big things. There’s work to be done and we are just the ones to do it.
There's nothing magical about the turning of the New Year, but it does provide a great opportunity to reflect and look forward. In this episode I'll retell my 2022 highlights and talk about setting goals or, as I prefer to call it, making plans.
What I meant to write about was how to have good conversations with family over the holiday. What I ended up with is a reflection on what it means to feel safe, and how we can aim to set an intention to be a haven of rest and support for the people in our lives. There's more to this topic than I could fit in one 13 minute episode, but I hope this will provide an introduction to the concept if you are unfamiliar and serve as a reminder to always lead with empathy.
Books referenced in this episode:
Kerry Patterson , Joseph Grenny, et al. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High. McGraw-Hill.June 18, 2002.
Nagoski, Emily and Amelia. Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Random House Publishing Group, Reprint edition 2020.
The last few years have been weird and it's not just the pandemic. They way people view and practice their faith has been shifting. Many are going through a process of reflecting on how they were raised and reevaluating their belief systems. They call it deconstruction and it's something of a buzz word right now, carrying a variety of meanings. In this episode, I talk a little about changing perspectives and the evangelical tradition.
This podcast references the follow book:
Kobes Du Mez, Kristen. Jesus and John Wayne: How White Evangelicals Corrupted a Faith and Fractured a Nation. Liveright Publishing Corp., June 2020.
ThrowBackThursday This week I decided to clean up and release an article I wrote in 2007. I tell a story about driving in the snow, crossing the mounting and finding strength on the other side.
The title is a reference to a song by Shane & Shane called "When I Think About the Lord" which I recorded for this episode.
This is the 4th episode in the Late Bloomer series. I wrap up my personal coming of age story, dive into some of what the Bible says about sex and make observations on the affects of purity culture. Writing this series has been helpful to me in my healing process and I hope you enjoy listening.
Please feel free to reach out to me on my web site www.relevantfaithjourney.com or on facebook or Instagram.
This is the third episode of this series where I talk about my experience growing up and coming of age in purity culture. Make sure to listen to Late Bloomer and Confessions of a Late Bloomer.
Picking up the story, I'll talk about the end of my first relationship. The pain of any breakup is difficult, but recovering from shame made it all the more challenging. I began to rethink some of the ideas I'd grown up with and discovered again that God's grace is never far away.
I conclude this episode with the song "Goodness of God" from Bethel Music, written by Ed Cash, Ben Felding, Jason Ingram, Brian Johnson and Jenn Johnson.
This is a follow up to the last episode titled Late Bloomer that gave an introduction to my experience around purity culture in the evangelical church. As a continuation of my coming of age story, we'll start with one of my last MySpace blog posts that chronicles the beginning of my first relationship. This is a difficult story for me to tell but my hope is that it will be helpful to the listener. I know many of you have gone through difficult learning experiences in relationships too. For others it's simply an opportunity to better understand the effects of a heavy emphasis on sexual purity.
This is the second installment on this topic and there's more to come. It's taken me 15 years to have the courage to talk about sex and the single life and I have a lot to share. I sincerely hope you find it helpful.
Please feel free to reach out to me at my web site: www.relevantfaithjourney.com
This episode begins a series where I tell my coming of age story, specifically as it pertains to relationships and sex. Primarily an introduction, I'll share the beginnings of my story along with some cultural observations on history.
I promised myself as a single person that someday I would use my experience to help others. Honestly, I've been too afraid of what other people might think, how they wouldn't agree or might judge me. I know I'm not alone in this, that there are many of us who still struggle with the remnants of Purity Culture . The church also still wrestles with how to have a healthy understanding of human sexuality.
So here we go! Let's talk about sex.
I used information from a PBS documentary titled "Mrs. America: Women's Roles in the 1950s" which you can also read here: https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/americanexperience/features/pill-mrs-america-womens-roles-1950s/
This episode is a little different. For this short meditation, I encourage you to find a quiet place, close your eyes and rest. I've been working through some challenging things and I needed something this week that helped me feel grounded. I hope this leaves you encouraged.
I'm on a journey of discover and I invite you to join me. There have been times when I questioned my faith and wondered if my people would think I'm not a good Christian. Those questions are an important part of our faith and should be encouraged. I want to choose to believe not out of blind faith, but because of thoughtful reflection.
I have been reflecting on my journey as a minister since last month I was asked to voluntarily surrender my ordination credentials. A big part of my ministry journey was my friend, Densel Ball. What comes next? Not sure, but I hope you'll be around to find out with me!
The third and final episode talking about change and transition. I tell my family's story about making a major change, leaving their cult-like denomination. The journey through transition is often difficult and I end with a song that I wrote 15 years ago. It serves as a reminder to me that in difficult seasons, God goes with me.
Many of us have recently been or are currently going through seasons of change and transition. The pandemic has been a powerful catalyst and accelerant to change for most of us. In this episode I continue to explore the dynamics of a transition. Grieving for what we leave behind and persevering through the in between time.
I start with a story about my own professional journey and talk about how our dislike of transition can affect our faith journey.
Sometimes change comes softly to us. Sometimes we run after change like a gazelle in an open meadow. And sometimes change comes at you like a freight train to the face.
Who am I kidding? It’s never gentle and most of us rarely pursue it without serious discomfort. But for those who set their sights on a better way, it will require three things: courage, perseverance and vision.
This is the first of three installments on transition.
Content References:
Brene Brown’s interview with Father Richard Rohr:
https://brenebrown.com/podcast/spirituality-certitude-and-infinite-love-part-1-of-2/
https://brenebrown.com/podcast/spirituality-certitude-and-infinite-love-part-2-of-2/
Sign up for Ben Cramer’s email list here:
https://benjamin-cremer.ck.page/
Terms like "Christian" and "Evangelical" have become more political markers than religious ones. In this episode I'll explore the idea that our PR problem is really a need to repent problem. I tell a personal story about almost dating a former porn star and learning to see through to people's humanity. This is an audio version of an article originally published August 10, 2022 at relevantfaithjourney.com.
Christians are a more diverse group than many might think. If most claim that their faith influences their politics, then why don't they all vote the same? This is an audio version of an article from relevantfaithjourney.com originally published July 14, 2022. I'll share some of my political activist heritage and challenge us to do more and talk less.
I believe perspective is truly powerful. I love having conversations that help me see things differently, or understand a concept in a new and interesting way. In this episode I talk about a woman's perspective of being touched when she doesn't want to be, how scripture needs more of the female perspective and explore new ways to view Roe v Wade. I'm working to develop my voice as a writer. My working title is Relevant Faith Journey, Searching for New Perspectives on an Ancient Faith. This is an audio version of a blog originally published July 5, 2022. I hope you enjoy.
This is an audio version of a blog post from relevantfaithjourney.com that was originally published April 16, 2020.
Audio version of a blog post from relevantfaithjourney.com originally published in March of 2020.
This is an audio version of a blog post from relevantfaithjourney.com originally published in January of 2020. I tell stories about financial challenges and how I learned to trust God.
This is an audio version of my blog relevantfaithjourney.com. This post was originally published in January 2020 and gives a little window into my story.