The Session with Tom Russell: Recent Episodes

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The Session: Celebrating the Success of your Pastor

1 Timothy 5:17 (NIV): “The elders who direct the affairs of the church well are worthy of double honor, especially those whose work is preaching and teaching.”

Celebration suggestions

Write a letter. Handwritten is best! For example:

We are grateful for your leadership and the love you show through your service. May God continue to bless you and your ministry. Your dedication to the Lord's work touches our hearts. Thank you for being our shepherd and always guiding us towards God's love.

It would be very important to celebrate your pastors, preaching style and the enthusiasm and love that they present God’s word in.

Another example, if your pastor helped you or someone else you know:

Thanks for your help with [specific action or situation]. I really appreciate all of your hard work. You've been so helpful with [specific action or situation]. Thanks

Have a church potluck in their honor

• Possibly have people lined up ahead of time to honor the Pastor after the meal
• It is possible to have no cards at each table setting that would say one thing I appreciate about the Pastor is…

Start a prayer chain of having people sign up to pray for the pastor(s) for a week.

Start an email chain of celebrating the pastor all month. Maybe talk to the church office manager about sending out emails to the church.

Other Ideas:

Through the years of ministry, the pastor suffers from the spiritual attacks by the enemy on their emotions and well-being. It is important to encourage them in their life outside of leading the church. We should encourage them to take care of themselves and acknowledge the success of their family and their life.

• Let them know what a great job they’ve done in their marriage
• Equally important is to let them know how great they have been as a parent
• Find something that is special in them to acknowledge and celebrate. As an example. Your pastor may have a great way of greeting you that is heartwarming. Take time to acknowledge that.
• Let them know that they do a great job of leadership of the staff and church members
• It might sound odd, but celebrate them by sending them on a sabbatical?

A devotional podcast for parents on the go! Encouragement, Scripture, & prayer in just 7 minutes. Join the journey!

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: A Pastor’s Struggles Part 2

“7 Struggles of Ministry That Aren’t Talked About Enough” by Stephan Cote

You Have Doubts About God

• Doubting Thomas wanted evidence for his beliefs. He was known for I won’t believe it unless I see the Neal ones in his hands and put my fingers into them and place my hand into the wound in his side. (John 20:25) Sarah didn’t believe she could get pregnant, Mary, mother of Jesus, doubted an angel (Luke 1:34)
• Confusing devotion in vocation you allow your job is a pastor take over your personal devotional life. Your time in the Bible is more for a Bible study or sermon than it is your own charging of your battery.
• Pastoral Stress Levels Are Off The Charts 75% of Pastor’s report being extremely stressed or highly stressed

Tight finances, emotional turmoil, and long hours are all stress factors for the Pastor. Carrying a stressful load that was not yours in the first place.

• Pastors Find It hard to deal with the 3’ G’s: Girls, Gold and Glory

57% of pastors and 64% youth pastors report porn use.

Affairs, both physical and emotional, Accountability partners, and computer

filters are very important.

• Feeling Alone

Easy pray for the enemy when you find yourself low and in a dry spirit to

stay. Support groups or counselor or mentor or a coach can be very helpful.

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: A Pastor’s Struggles Part 1

Psalm 119:130 “The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple.”

“A third of pastors who leave ministry cite burnout, conflict with church”: Study from Christianpost.com

Reasons Pastors, Leave The Ministry

• Around one-third of pastors who leave the ministry cite burnout or conflict with the church as the reasons, according to a study by Lifeway Research. 18% in 2021 cited conflict for their reason to leave the church. Look at how four years has made an incredible increase in leaving the ministry
• 40% of respondents cited change in calling as the cause of their departure
• Of those who reported conflict as a reason for leaving 45% of respondents reported experiencing significant conflict during the final year they served as pastor.
• Among former pastors, 87% faced “conflict at some point in their last congregation,” with 56% experiencing it over proposed changes and almost half (49%) saying they experienced a “significant personal attack” as a result.
• Lifeway also reported that, despite leaving the position of pastor, 53% of respondents said that they continue to work in ministry, though in a different capacity.

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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Excerpts from: What does the Bible teach us about bullying? From Neal Hardin

Genesis 1:27

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

Bullying happens more frequently than you might think. According to the American Medical Association, by the time students finish school, nearly half of students have been bullied at one point or another.

What is Bullying?

Researchers who study bullying cite three common characteristics of what makes an act bullying:

· Bullying is intentional and tries to cause harm or distress to the victim.

· Bullying occurs between two students who have different degrees of power.

· Bullying happens repeatedly over a period of time.

There are three types of bullying that occur:

1. Physical: Hitting, kicking, spitting, tripping, pushing, breaking someone’s things, rude gestures

2. Verbal: Teasing, name-calling, threats, inappropriate sexual comments, taunting

3. Social: Leaving someone out of a group on purpose, telling others not to be friends with them, publicly embarrassing them, spreading gossip or rumors about someone.

How should Christians respond to bullying?

How does God call us to respond if we are being bullied or we see someone else being bullied?

1. If you see something, say something.

Reporting bullying to the proper authorities is one of the most important strategies we can use to prevent further bullying. Twenty-eight percent of students grades 6-12 say that they have been bullied at school. Yet only 20-30 percent of those who are bullied actually report when they are bullied.[5] As

How should Christians respond to bullying?

How does God call us to respond if we are being bullied or we see someone else being bullied?

1. If you see something, say something.

2. Reporting bullying to the proper authorities is one of the most important strategies we can use to prevent further bullying.

3. Twenty-eight percent of students grades 6-12 say that have been bullied at school. Yet only 20-30 percent of those who are bullied actually report when they are bullied.

** Something extremely important to remember is that it isn’t tattling to report bullying.

Understand who you are in Christ

You need to know that you are special to God and created in his image with

immeasurable worth and value. (Psalm 139:13-18)

it’s okay to stick up for yourself if you are bullied.

Sticking up for yourself may be difficult to do, but if you are able to stay calm and respond in a loving manner, then you have every right as an image-bearer of God to defend yourself and speak the truth. You are worth being defended.

Reach out to those being bullied

Lastly, we need to reach out to those being bullied. One of the best ways we can do this is to befriend them and invite them to hang out with us. Not only will this make them feel loved, accepted, and less alone, it also acts as a deterrent to bullying. Bullies are much less likely to pick on someone if they are in a group of friends than if they are alone.

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: 7 Essentials For Grandparenting Your Grandchildren, from Focus On The Family

1. Understand Your Impact Potential

Grandpa or grandma, you are second only to parents in your potential to influence your grandkids spiritually.

If you haven’t thought about your impact potential before, you’re not alone. Many Christian grandparents are missing important opportunities because they haven’t seen the possibility—nor the responsibility—that grandchildren bring. We rightly see parents as first both in responsibility and potential to impact the spiritual growth of children.

2. Clarify Your Role

Whether we are one of six or by ourselves in this spiritual‐impact role, the mandate is clear: passing on faith to our grandkids is our duty before God! He commands us to teach two generations, not just one.

3. Model a Life of Goodness

If we have been obedient followers of Christ, it only makes sense that in the grandparent years, we are more like Him than we have ever been. Rather than becoming more cynical and cranky, we ought to become more gracious and godly. Doing so is vital: our children and grandchildren will largely base their impression of Jesus upon what we show Him to be through our daily lives. Don’t ever underestimate the fact that how you live your life will impact your grandkids. (Phil’s funeral)

4. Create Great Relationships With the Parents

Parents are the doorkeepers of the relationships with the grandkids, as they should be. But that relationship door sometimes slams in the face of grandparents. Divorce slams it. Political differences slam it. So do different spiritual paths. It’s slammed by wrong decisions, unkind words said in anger, or overreactions—sometimes by the parent, sometimes by the grandparent.

5. Balance Grace and Truth

We best represent Jesus to our families when we balance grace and truth. John 1:14 describes Him as “full of grace and truth.” It really means “full of grace and full of truth;” He was the complete embodiment of both.

6. Adapt to Your Grandkid’s World (This should sound familiar)

Last week when she came to visit, I told her, ‘if you can’t put your phone down, I’m taking you home!’ And a few minutes later, I caught her playing again—so I took her home.”

That grandma thought she was doing a good thing by being strict with her granddaughter, but I’m pretty certain she injured the relationship instead. You see, she wanted the little girl to enter “grandma world”—sit at the kitchen table, and talk over tea. What if she would have said instead, “Help me learn about this game that you like to play so much on your phone, and then afterward, let’s sit at the table and just talk?” The granddaughter would have felt honored, the relationship preserved, and the two of them would have enjoyed tea together There is no greater focus for the second half of life than that!

7. Find Your Greatest Life Purpose

There is no greater focus for the second half of life than that! Life’s greatest purpose is simple: to see our descendants in heaven.

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: When Our Adult Children Walk Away From The Faith

By Pamela Henkelman of FamilyChristian.com

Parent Feelings When Their Children Turn From the Faith

• Grief
• Confusion
• Fear
• Relational Depression

Parents Should Prioritize:

• Love
• Empathy
• Open Communication
• Continue to be an Example
• Shame and Failure: Don't let shame paralyze you. It's important to address these feelings and remember that your child's choices are ultimately their own.
• Fear and Anxiety: It's natural to worry about your child's future and well-being, but try to channel that worry into prayer rather than letting it control you.

Parents Should Focus on Maintaining a Healthy Relationship:

• Pray for Your Child: Continue to pray for your child's spiritual journey, seeking God's guidance for both of you.
• Deepen Your Faith: Use this as an opportunity to deepen your own relationship with God and strengthen your faith.
• Seek Support: Connect with other parents who have experienced similar situations. Sharing experiences and finding support can be incredibly helpful.
• Live Your Faith: Continue to live your life according to your beliefs, demonstrating the love and grace of Christ.

Focus on Your Own Spiritual Growth:

• Pray for Your Child: Continue to pray for your child's spiritual journey, seeking God's guidance for both of you.
• Deepen Your Faith: Use this as an opportunity to deepen your own relationship with God and strengthen your faith.
• Seek Support: Connect with other parents who have experienced similar situations. Sharing experiences and finding support can be incredibly helpful.
• Live Your Faith: Continue to live your life according to your beliefs, demonstrating the love and grace of Christ.

Trust in God's Plan:

• God's Sovereignty: Remember that God is sovereign and has a plan for your child's life, even if it's not what you expected.
• Patience and Perseverance: Be patient and persistent in your prayers and love for your child. Trust that God is working.

Focus on the Future: Don't dwell on the past or allow bitterness to take root. Focus on the present and trust that God will guide you both.

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: Tips for Parenting Twins

Scripture: Genesis 25:22-26

The babies jostled each other within her, and she said, “Why is this happening to me?” So she went to inquire of the Lord. The Lord said to her, “Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples from within you will be separated; one people will be stronger than the other, and the older will serve the younger.”When the time came for her to give birth, there were twin boys in her womb.

Ohio has a special connection with twins. It’s the Twins Day Festival at Twinsburg, OH the first weekend of Aug. This year was the 50th Twins Day. Twins & multiples come from all over the world. It’s estimated that over 2000 twins and multiples came this year. So I thought it would be fun….

Facebook Comments

JULIE

Make sure each person's their own person. You have to share so much. I had my first birthday party alone at 21. First time I felt like my own person. I don't know what it is like to have older or younger siblings. Find something unique for each twin that you can celebrate them in. Also understand not all twins are super close. There are a lot of twins who don't have that super close bind. (Julie & her twin are not close. She said they had totally different personalities)

CHELSEY & NICOLE (SCOTT’S COUSINS)

Being twins definitely came with some unique dynamics. Growing up, there were times we were treated as a “set,” which could be fun but also made it important to carve out our own identities and space. As we got older, we naturally grew into our own personalities and interests, but still had that built-in support system of always having someone who understood. For parents of twins, we’d say: try to encourage individuality early on—different activities, different friends if they want, even just little things like letting them choose their own clothes. At the same time, don’t stress if they want to stick together—there’s a comfort in that bond too. And patience is huge, because raising two kids the same age is busy, but the upside is they always have each other.

Parenting Tips:

• Routines and Schedules: Establish consistent routines for feeding, sleeping, and playtime to help manage the demands of two babies.

Parenting Twins

• Parenting twins can be challenging but incredibly rewarding. Focus on developing routines, seeking support, and treating each child as an individual. Prioritize individual attention, encourage their unique interests, and communicate openly about their individual needs and development.

Practical Tips for Parenting Twins:

• Routines and Schedules: Establish consistent routines for feeding, sleeping, and playtime to help manage the demands of two babies.
• Individual Attention: Make an effort to spend quality one-on-one time with each child to foster their unique bond and sense of self. Children want fairness! More to come!
• Encourage Individuality: Recognize that each twin is unique, and support their individual interests and friendships. Get into their world
• Seek Support: Don't hesitate to ask for help from family, friends, or support groups. Connecting with other parents of twins can provide valuable insights and emotional support.
• Communication and Open Dialogue: Encourage open communication with your twins about their feelings, development, and any comparisons they may be making with each other. NO COMPARISON
• Fairness vs. Equality: Understand that fairness doesn't always mean treating twins exactly the same. Focus on meeting their individual needs, even if it requires different approaches. Stay away from matching outfits

Celebrate Their Bond: Acknowledge the special

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: Grandparents Parenting Their Grandchildren - Parenting for Faith

Proverbs 22:6

Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.

Scott and Tom’s memories of their grandparents

3 Truths That Every Grandparent Should Know

1. You are influential – whether you know it or not

Think back to your childhood. Can you remember your grandparents? What is it about them that still influences you today? Although I have never seen them play, my grandad’s passion for Sheffield United means that they are still ‘my’ team. I feel attached to Camberwell in South London because my grandma lived there. And I still believe that roast lamb is the right dinner to serve for a family get together because my other grandma told me so! Children are shaped by their families, as they watch and learn, pick up some things and discard others.

Karl Pillemer, of Cornell University, reported that ‘as many as 9 out of 10 adult grandchildren feel their grandparents influenced their values and behaviors’. And the influence of grandparents isn’t just limited to value and behaviors. Other researchers have shown that grandparents are good for their grandchildren’s mental and emotional health, and help to improve resilience and encourage pro-social behavior and better peer relationships. It seems that simply by existing and being known, who you are and what you do influences your grandchildren.

2. Connection is key (relationship building )

Grandparents and grandchildren seem to be set up to connect well: there’s an expectation of love and interest from children which means that even if they regard every other grey-haired person on the planet as irrelevant, they do crave connection with their grey-haired grandparents. Grandparents will often talk about how overwhelming their love is for their grandchildren; how special they are and how they love them unconditionally.

Being in a close relationship with someone who loves you enables all sorts of good things: not just the pure enjoyment of each other’s company, but the freedom to be vulnerable, the courage to trust, and the willingness to learn from each other. We are ready to be influenced by people we trust and love and open to learn from their experiences and wisdom. So the closer you are to your grandchildren, the better positioned you will be to share all the good things you have with your grandchildren, including and meeting and knowing the God you love.

3. No-one said it would be easy – but God is able to work through every circumstance

No-one said it would be easy – and it rarely is! But God’s involved in all of it. His design has always been that grandparents are part of his design for helping grandchildren meet and know God – and that doesn’t change because your situation is less than ideal. He also knows what you can manage, and he won’t demand more of you than you are capable of – and he does have a plan. Be encouraged. Whatever it looks like on the outside, God’s not finished with your family yet. As you pray for your grandchildren and their families, keep asking God for your next step. He’s on the case!

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: 5 People to Surround Yourself With

By Dan Orlovsky, on All Pro Dads.com

Proverbs 27:17 “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

1. People Who Will Challenge You

We all spend time with like-minded people. It’s easy. It’s where we find comfort.

• Small groups are a boost in confidence
• It can be very helpful to hear another perspective on what you are thinking. It presents you with opportunities to analyze what you believe and why.

2. Someone Just Ahead of You in Life

It is vitally important to have someone more experienced than you are in your life. The value of this is priceless because you can go to them when life throws you a curve ball.

Being coachable is a very important part of having someone coach or mentor you in life.

3. Someone Just Behind You in Life

Finding someone to mentor and reaching out to them is very important for our growth.

4. An Encourager

We all have bad days, and maybe even bad seasons. That’s why we all need someone in our life to lift us up when things get hard. For me, that’s primarily my wife. But I also have great friends.

Paul writes about the gift of encouragement in Romans 12:8 if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

5. A Dreamer

Surround yourself with people who dreams of what could be. They’re inspiring and motivational.

Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: Words We Shouldn’t Use, from Tom’s daily devotionals on Facebook

The words we say are very powerful. It’s amazing what happens when someone says a blessing over you. It is capable of lifting your spirits or encouraging you when you’re feeling down.

The words we use are also very reflective of what is going on in a person’s heart. Matthew 15:11 teaches, “It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person.”

Paul also mentions it in Ephesians 4:29

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

Later in Ephesians 5:4 Paul not only talks about no filthiness or foolishness coming out of our mouths, but that we should speak words of thanksgiving.

He writes, “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.”

Proverbs also encourages us to bless others. In Proverbs 11:25 we read,

“Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered.”

Later Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

Although there are more words we shouldn’t use, here is a short list of some very important ones.

“Liar” is a good example of a word that should not be used in family relationships, and specifically in parent- child relationships. Being called a liar can be hurtful and impact a loved one’s reputation. A better way to process what a child might have said is to say, “This doesn’t make sense to me”, or “That doesn’t sound accurate.”

Using the term “lazy" can be very derogatory, expressing a low opinion of someone. What appears as “laziness” might actually be influenced by factors such as mental health, burnout, or simply not finding a task sufficiently compelling. This would make it even more hurtful if you use the term lazy with an individual struggling with mental health or burnout conditions.

Calling someone “stupid” is a very condescending and insulting way to speak to someone, as if they were ignorant. Condescension is rude and patronizing. Treating someone with condescension is the opposite of treating them with respect.

Action Point:

What is the condition of your heart? How are you speaking to others?

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: 7 habits of men who have quietly lost their joy in life, according to psychology

by Isabella Chase | May 22, 2025 Posted on Global English Editing.com

There’s a subtle distinction between being content and truly joyful.

This divide often goes unnoticed, especially by those who’ve slowly, but surely, lost their zest for life. These men might seem fine on the surface, but beneath that veneer, their joy has faded into a mere memory.

Psychology gives us insights into these quiet transformations. And it’s crucial to identify them, not only in others but also in our own lives.

Understanding these seven habits can help us spot the signs and bring back the happiness that may have slipped away unnoticed.

In this article, we’ll explore the 7 habits of men who have quietly lost their joy in life, according to psychology. Get ready to dive deep into the human psyche and perhaps, find a path that leads back to joy.

1) The joyless routine

Life is full of routines. We get up, get ready, go to work, come home, and do it all over again. But when joy has begun to fade, these routines can become chains that bind men to a joyless existence.

These men often find themselves stuck in a cycle of repetition, where every day seems to blur into the next. They’re just going through the motions, without finding any real pleasure or satisfaction in what they do.

For men who have lost their joy in life, the present moment is often a place they’d rather escape from.

Recognizing this habit is the first step towards regaining the lost joy. Breaking free from monotonous routines and finding new and engaging activities can reignite the spark that once made life enjoyable.

2) Social withdrawal

I remember when my friend John started withdrawing from our social circle.

He was always the life of the party, but suddenly, he began declining invitations and spending more time alone. It was a slow change, hardly noticeable at first, but it eventually became a habit.

Social withdrawal is a common sign of decreased joy in life. This isolation can be self-imposed as an attempt to avoid feelings of discomfort or dissatisfaction.

But as Carl Jung once said, “Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself.”

In John’s case, he had lost the ability to share his feelings and connect with others on a deeper level. His joy had faded, replaced by a sense of detached loneliness.

If you notice this habit in yourself or in someone you care about, remember that reaching out and creating connections can be a powerful antidote to this isolation. Rekindling old friendships, starting new ones, or even seeking professional help can make a world of difference.

3) Disinterest in previously enjoyed activities

Have you ever found yourself losing interest in activities that once brought you immense joy? It’s a disconcerting feeling, one that creeps up on you without notice.

This is a common habit among men who have lost their joy in life. Activities that used to spark excitement now feel dull and uninteresting. The hobbies they used to love somehow lose their appeal.

For those experiencing this disinterest, it’s tough to see the beauty in the struggle when even their passions feel like chores.

If you fi

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: Important Priorities in Christian Marriage, with highlights From Tommy McCallister and Others

Colossians 3:18-21

It is Important to:

• Prioritize the emotional needs of the marriage
• Prioritize the marriage over the children more than we do
• Prioritize going out of our way to do things that make our spouse feel happy and loved
• Prioritize our spouses love language. Taking an evening to ask what would love language would you want me to speak right now
• Prioritize home life over work
• Prioritize putting your favorite drink and getting comfortable and talking about any and everything
• Prioritize praying together. Couples who do have a divorce rate at 1 in every 1,152 marriages.
• Prioritizing flirting with your spouse
• Prioritizing valuing your spouse

Prioritizing celebrating your spouse

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: How to Keep Dating Your Spouse-Even After Kids

Genesis 2:24 - Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Proverbs 18:22 - He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.

· Be proactive and intentional in your marriage. Ask Jesus for help to be a successful marriage partner

· Rev up the five cylinder intimacy engine.

· Speak your spouse’s love language

Prioritize revving up your bedroom Olympics

· Change your pattern of initiating sex (Opening Ceremonies)

Hold hands more often

· Author Dr. Kory Floyd, wrote holding hands, hugging, and touching can release oxytocin causing a calming sensation. Studies show it’s also released during sexual orgasm. Additionally, physical affection reduces stress hormones – lowering daily levels of the stress hormone cortisol.

Allow tension to build

· Our brains experience more pleasure when the anticipation of the reward goes on for some time before we receive it. So take your time during foreplay, share fantasies, change locations, and make sex more romantic.

Separate sexual intimacy from routine

· Plan intimacy time and avoid talking about relationship problems and household chores in the bedroom. Sexual arousal plummets when we’re distracted and stressed.

Focus on affectionate touch

· This could be foot rubs, and back, rubs their express love

Maintain a sense of curiosity about sexual intimacy

· This can happen by breaking up the routine and try new things as sexual needs change

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: Fundamentals of Christian Marriage

Matthew 19:4-6

He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

A Biblical Definition of Marriage

The Bible defines marriage as a sacred union between one man and one woman, established by God (Matthew 19:4-6). This relationship is a lifelong commitment, rooted in faithfulness and mutual love. Christian marriage is more than a legal agreement; it’s a covenant.

Love and Sacrifice: The Example of Christ

At the heart of a Christian marriage is love, modeled after the sacrificial love of Christ. Ephesians 5:25 calls on husbands to love their wives “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This kind of love goes beyond emotions—it’s a daily choice to put the needs of your spouse above your own. Love in marriage is rooted in sacrifice, service, and grace, reflecting Christ’s selflessness. Both partners are called to give of themselves and serve one another in humility, displaying a marriage that thrives on mutual care and devotion.

Communication and Unity in Marriage

Effective communication is vital in building unity and understanding in marriage. Ephesians 4:29 encourages us to speak in ways that build each other up. Open and honest communication, rooted in kindness and respect, fosters deeper intimacy and trust between spouses. Unity is displayed when couples count the needs of one another as more significant than their own. Praying together, studying God’s Word, and building one another up in word and deed, allows couples to grow spiritually as one, strengthening their bond.

Faithfulness and Trust: Building a Secure Relationship

Faithfulness in marriage mirrors God’s unwavering faithfulness to His people. Trust is essential for creating a secure relationship where both partners feel safe and valued. Proverbs 3:3 says, "Let love and faithfulness never leave you."

Faithfulness and Trust: Building a Secure Relationship

Faithfulness in marriage mirrors God’s unwavering faithfulness to His people. Trust is essential for creating a secure relationship where both partners feel safe and valued.Proverbs 3:3 says, "Let love and faithfulness never leave you."

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: 5 Marks of a Biblical Marriage

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” ~ Genesis 2:24

1) Selflessness

A mark of a Godly Christian is their willingness to humble themselves and be selfless towards other. This is true especially in marriage, where we are called to be selfless to each other and put our spouses needs first. This is an effective way towards a happier marriage.

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” ~ Philippians 2:3-8

The practice of selflessness, putting each other’s needs before your own, is very difficult, because by nature we are selfish beings. However, practically speaking, many benefits arise from both husband and wife mutually prioritizing the other’s needs. When both parties make an effort to please one another by putting their needs/wants/desires first, a magical thing happens: both husband and wife are getting there needs met.

2) Good Communication

Communication within marriage can be very difficult! Wires get crossed and simple words and sentences are taken far out of context, and strife (anger intense fellowship) starts to build. We say things rashly and without thinking to our spouses, and we leave them feeling hurt and we act selfishly towards them. But God calls us to a higher standard. We are to guard our mouths (Psalm 141:3), speak wisdom (Matthew 12:36-37), be slow to speak( Ecclesiastes 5:2) {especially angry words (James 1:19)}, and learn to communicate well with our spouse.

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” ~Proverbs 15:1

Communication is critical to any relationship, and doubly so in a marriage. Having good communication with friends and family is beneficial, sure, but how much more imperative is it that you have quality communication with the person that you are one with?

3) Spiritual Emphasis (together and separately)

Our highest calling as Christians is to know God and to glorify Him.We cannot do this effectively if we are not seeking the Lord individually and as a couple. It is so vital for the life of the believer to come before God alone and study His word and worship Him (2 Timothy 3:14-17). And it is also important to come before the Lord as a couple.

If our biggest priority in life should be Christ, and our second should be our husband and family, then how can we effectively worship the Lord if we don’t worship with our family? God designed the Christian life to be lived out in community and not in solitude.God’s community is the church and this first begins at home! Strong families can make up a strong church of believers. Likewise, weak and inconsistent families will make up a weak and inconsistent congregation.

• Pray together every night before bed
• Listen to sermons together
• Discuss sermons you listen together and Sunday morning sermons
• Read books together to grow in your knowledge and worship of God
• Continually ask how you can p

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: 4 Lessons We Can Learn about Biblical manhood from Joseph

https://www.lcbcchurch.com/articles/4-lessons-we-can-learn-from-josephs-story

Open with the Matthew account of Joseph, in Matt.1:18-24

1. Acknowledge the truth

Joseph acknowledged the truth. When we’re stuck at the bad end of someone else’s decisions, it’s all too easy to point the finger and place blame. We tend to take it a step further and cast judgement on an entire group of people when, in reality, we were only wronged by one person. If you were bullied by popular kids in middle school, for example, did you grow up seeing “all popular kids” as a threat? While these are understandable self-preservation instincts, are they actually true?

Joseph was treated unfairly by so many people – enough that he could’ve made enemies out of the whole world! Instead, we see Joseph zero in on the individuals who specifically caused him pain. He doesn’t gloss over what was done, but he has enough wisdom to look at only the situation right in front of him without painting with broad strokes.

Acknowledging the truth provided Joseph with clarity, and it can do the same for us. When we focus on what’s immediately in front of us, we can gain clarity that will help us treat our pain at the source. By recognizing the true source of our pain, we can begin the process of healing and transformation.

1. “But God”

When we’re dealing with pain – and especially when this pain is caused by someone else’s actions – it's easy for us to become angry about what we feel we don’t deserve. We become so fixated on what’s right in front of us that we don’t easily see the bigger picture.

In the midst of his trials, Joseph chose to embrace a powerful perspective shift. He turned his gaze away from his pain and toward God, saying, "But God intended it all for good." Joseph chooses to surrender and trust in a higher plan.

While it may be difficult to comprehend the purpose behind our suffering, choosing to adopt a "But God" perspective allows us to step back and acknowledge that our story is not solely defined by the hurt we've experienced. By handing our pain over to God, we open ourselves to the possibility of growth, transformation, and redemption.

1. Trust God's plan

Joseph's story shows us what it looks like to trust in God's overarching plan. While he couldn't foresee the specifics of how his pain would lead to a greater purpose, Joseph held onto the belief that God was working behind the scenes.

This step requires faith and vulnerability, as we release the need for immediate answers and outcomes. Trusting in a divine plan invites us to relinquish our desire for control and instead lean into the belief that our pain can be woven into a greater narrative that brings about good.

1. Rely on God

Joseph relied on God. If you feel like you’re about to crumble under the weight of your circumstances, know that you don’t have to keep carrying it alone. When we can’t understand what’s happening or see the bigger picture in our pain, God is ready to carry us.

Only God can bring you to the place of hope and healing you’re desperately searching for. Joseph’s story shows us that when we fix our gaze on God and choose to rely on him, even the heaviest situations can be made lighter. Remember that “God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love him” (Romans 8:28).

Additional Lessons

Don't expose your spouse in public

· When Joseph learned that his fiancée was pregnant, he decided to break the engagement without exposing his wife to the public (Matthew 1:19). He did not want to disgrace her and op

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session-Help For Boomerang Parents-Potential Benefits From Being a Boomerang Child, from Focus On The Family, FaithFI and others

I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5.

In July 2020, 52% of young adults in the US resided with one or both of their parents, according to a Pew Research Center analysis – the highest percentage the United States has seen since the end of the Great Depression.

National Longitudinal Study Of Youth 1997

Found: The evidence that mental health and economic characteristics were related to home leaving and returning. Emotional distress was associated with earlier exits from, and returns to, the parental home; alcohol problems were associated with earlier returns to the parental home. The findings regarding economic resources were unexpectedly mixed. Greater economic resources were linked to delayed exits from, and earlier returns to, the parental home. The implications of these findings for young adults are discussed.

Key aspects of Christian help for boomerang parents:

• Prayer and Spiritual Warfare: Praying for the child's well-being, direction, and maturity, and seeking God's wisdom in navigating the situation. This includes praying for the parent's patience, grace, and ability to discern God's will.
• Biblical Principles: Applying biblical principles regarding family dynamics, obedience, respect, and financial responsibility. This may include encouraging the child to work towards financial independence and setting boundaries within the household.
• Open Communication and Setting Expectations: Having open and honest conversations about expectations, roles, and responsibilities within the household. This may involve discussing financial contributions, chores, and rules for the home.
• Fostering Independence: Encouraging the child to pursue their own goals, whether it's career advancement or personal development. This may involve supporting their efforts to find employment, complete education, or seek financial independence.
• Seeking God's Guidance: Recognizing that God's ways are often higher than our own and trusting in His timing and plan. This includes surrendering the situation to God and trusting in His love and provision.
• Turning to God's Word: Seeking wisdom and guidance from God's word (the Bible) for navigating the unique challenges of a boomerang situation. This can help parents find comfort and reassurance.
• Family Counseling: Consider seeking guidance from a Christian counselor or mentor who can provide support and equip the family to navigate the situation.
• Community Support: Connecting with other parents who have experienced similar situations through support groups or online communities can provide encouragement and practical advice.

Practical Steps for Boomerang Parents:

1. Establish Clear Boundaries: Set expectations for the child's role in the household, including chores, financial contributions, and responsibilities.

2. Encourage Financial Responsibility: Help the child develop a budget, find employment, and work towards financial independence.

3. Communicate Openly and Respectfully: Have regular check-ins with the child to discuss progress, address concerns, and build understanding.

4. Pray Regularly: Pray for the child's well-being, direction, and maturity, and for the family's ability to navigate the situation with grace and patience.

5. Seek God's Wisdom: Turn to God's Word for guidance and strength, and trust in His timing and plan for the situation.

Potential Benefits From Being a Boomerang Child, from Jenna Ab

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session - Helping The Family Survive An Election; from KSBY.com

James 1:19

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

Respectful Communication

• respectful communication helps both sides gain perspective
• Look at the big picture. Elections will come and go, but family remains.
• Focus on shared values
• Empathize with your family members
• Agree to disagree
• Ask clarifying questions
• Finding Common Ground:

Identify shared values or goals, even if you disagree on specific policies.

• Frame discussions around finding solutions to problems rather than solely focusing on blame or criticizing the other side.

Election Season Stress from vcuhealth.org from Joan Toppounce

• In their article on Election Season Stress, Peyton Lassiter, who specializes in family counseling, states that he believes our mental health depends on our relationships with our loved ones. That's why it's important to avoid stress and strife in those relationships.
• Political views can cause friction in relationships because they are intertwined with our values about what is right or wrong, healthy or unhealthy, reasonable or unreasonable, good or bad.
• Political views also expose the different worldviews between the younger generation and their parents.
• Separate the sin from the sinner, the behavior or belief from the person. Discuss the issue without attacking the person.
• Avoiding conversations that appear to be headed toward a political charge is very important. That includes removing yourself from the room that is about to explode over a political issue.
• Boundaries help us stay in relationships. It is boundaries that keep it safe to discuss sensitive topics.
• Boundaries should focus on my needs and what I will or won’t permit, not what others need to do.

Keep your marriage full of putting your spouse first

To start, make his and her lists. Later, bring the two together and create a master list that blends the best from both. Don’t be afraid to try new adventures. The main point is to make plans that both of you can anticipate together.

Get that? Fun. Together. Repeat. Often.

Focus on the family learning to communicate in a relationship-an example

Betsy is wondering about that. She’s hurt that her husband, Carl, seems to have lost interest in her. She interprets his lack of communication as evidence that he doesn’t love her. This puts her in a panic; she becomes needy and controlling, trying to force Carl to “talk about the problem.” This creates more pressure for Carl, who retreats further.

Carl is overwhelmed by Betsy’s need for conversation. It feels like a void that could never be filled. This is decreasing his desire to be intimate with her; he’s finding excuses to avoid even spending time together. He’d rather hang out with friends who are less demanding.

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: Living the Empty Nest Life to the Fullest, from Michelle Howe, Focus on the Family

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Rev Up Your Marriage

• This could be a marriage retreat
• It could also mean planning more 24-72 hour getaways
• It may also include going on a cruise

Keep Talking

• Try to connect with the person that you originally fell in love with and talk about memories
• You could attempt to make it a romantic evening over a nice dinner for two.

Make a list of things that you would want to see happen or do with your remaining years

• Jeremiah 29:11 tells us to focus on the plans, hope and the future that God has for the remainder of your married life.
• You and your spouse should be open to trying new things in the empty nest. That may mean joining a local gym or taking up a sport. It could be a dance group or a book club.

Don’t Let the Past Predict and/or Ruin the Future

• It is important that we keep short accounts of anger. If one of you or your spouse are carrying a past hurt, it is important to bring it before the Lord and lay it at Jesus feet and let go of it.

Actively Strengthen Relationships, and Prioritize Self-Care

• This could mean focusing on a relationship that is important to both of you that may have been neglected over time. Encourage getting together for a meal or some kind of outing.
• As mentioned earlier, joining a gym can help a couple enhance their self-care. Regular workouts will help maintain the body longer.

Travel

• It is very doable to check online for a day trip in your state that you live in. This is an example of something you may not have had time to do when you were in the heat of your

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: The Need For Rest, from Amanda Idleman, Crosswalk.com

By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work (Genesis 2:2)

3 Reasons Why it Is Crucial That We Rest

The inability to rest affects every part of our lives. It’s a lie from the enemy of our souls that we can do it all, that we can ignore our own…

1. God Commands Us to Rest:

Hebrews 4:9-11 says, “So then, there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God, for whoever has entered God's rest has also rested from his works as God did from his. Let us therefore strive to enter that rest, so that no one may fall by the same sort of disobedience.”

1. Rest Empowers Us to Live Righteously: Galatians 6:9 urges us to not grow weary in doing good, for in due season, we will reap a harvest if we don’t give up. How is it that we avoid weariness? Through making sure we get adequate rest.

2. Rest Improves Our Productivity:

When we give him our minds, bodies, schedules, and other needs, he empowers us to do more with less!

6 Helps For Better Sleep from the Mayo Clinic

1. Stick to a sleep schedule

Set aside no more than eight hours for sleep. The recommended amount of sleep for a healthy adult is at least seven hours. Most people don't need more than eight hours in bed to be well rested.

Go to bed and get up at the same time every day, including weekends. Being consistent reinforces your body's sleep-wake cycle.

If you don't fall asleep within about 20 minutes of going to bed, leave your bedroom and do something relaxing. Read or listen to soothing music. Go back to bed when you're tired. Repeat as needed but continue to maintain your sleep schedule and wake-up time.

1. Pay attention to what you eat and drink

Don't go to bed hungry or stuffed. In particular, avoid heavy or large meals within a couple of hours of bedtime. Discomfort might keep you up.

Nicotine, caffeine and alcohol deserve caution, too. The stimulating effects of nicotine and caffeine take hours to wear off and can interfere with sleep. And even though alcohol might make you feel sleepy at first, it can disrupt sleep later in the night.

1. Create a restful environment

Keep your room cool, dark and quiet. Exposure to light in the evenings might make it more challenging to fall asleep. Avoid prolonged use of light-emitting screens just before bedtime. Consider using room-darkening shades, earplugs, a fan or other devices to create an environment that suits your needs.

Doing calming activities before bedtime, such as taking a bath or using relaxation techniques, might promote better sleep.

1. Limit daytime naps (BUT I LIKE MY NAPEE!)

Long daytime naps can interfere with nighttime sleep. Limit naps to no more than one hour and avoid napping late in the day.

However, if you work nights, you might need to nap late in the day before work to help make up your sleep debt.

1. Include physical activity in your daily routine

Regular physical activity can promote better sleep. However, avoid being active too close to bedtime.

Spending time outside every day might be helpful, too.

1. Manage worries

Try to resolve your worries or concerns before bedtime. Jot down what's on your mind and then set it aside for tomorrow.

Stress management might help. Start with the basics, such as getting organized, setting priorities and delegating tasks. Meditation also can ease anxiety.

Know when to contact your health care provider

Nearly everyone has an occasional sleepless night. However, if you often have trouble sleeping, contact your health care provider. Identifying and treating any underlying causes can help you get the better sleep you deserve.

Mayo Clinic Mi

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: The Energy Vampire, by Dr. Mosunic

Psalm 29:11

May the Lord give strength to his people! May the Lord bless his people with peace!

First, let’s define the energy vampire…bleh bleh bleh

Different types of energy vampires?

Energy vampires are people who suck the energy right out of you. After talking to them, you feel exhausted and are not real sure why.

Dr. Mosunic would say that energy vampires are the type of person who constantly demands your attention, support, or empathy, oftentimes without realizing it. The effects of being around an energy vampire is more than just feeling a bit tired after a long chat. It's about feeling constantly worn out, stressed, or even sad after your interactions with them.

Different types of energy vampires

The Victim

This type of energy vampire is always encountering problems and seeking sympathy. They often see themselves as perpetually wronged by life and share their woes frequently, expecting constant support and reassurance.

The Criticizer

The criticizer is quick to point out flaws and rarely has anything positive to say. Whether it's about your choices or general aspects of life, their constant criticism can chip away at your confidence and leave you feeling judged and inadequate.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up."

The Dramatizer

The dramatizer’s need for drama can create an atmosphere of tension and unrest. They are capable of blowing things out of proportion to keep the center of attention.

• They tell the worst-case scenario for attention and acceptance

The Blamer

Blamers have a habit of holding others responsible for their own problems. They struggle to take accountability for their actions and often find someone else to point fingers at

• Blame has a job description. It keeps the fuels of anger alive, and it shifts responsibility to take care of it to the person they are angry at.

The Manipulator

Manipulators are skilled in using emotional tactics to get what they want. They might use guilt, pity, or flattery, making it challenging to discern their true intentions.

• The all too powerful guilt trip

How to spot an emotional vampire: 4 signs

They Need to Be The Center Of Attention

• They are capable of interrupting conversations and driving them back to themselves
• Their constant need for attention can be very draining

They exaggerate problems

• Sarcasm is their friend. They are very capable of blowing things out of proportion.

They blame others constantly

• They refuse to take responsibility for their issues.
• Their toxicity is very toxic on their environment where people don’t want to work.
• The Locus of Control isn’t in them

They use people

They are masterful at manipulating people and situations to their advantage

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: Family Issues

Psalm 133:1

How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!"

Family issues are when an actual or potential conflict between or related to family members becomes a constant source of negative emotions.

• When a family cannot resolve conflicts and and emotional intensity around the relationship becomes overwhelming, it can lead to symptoms of common mental health conditions such as anxiety or depression.

What Are Some Symptoms Of Family Issues?

From Pew Research Center

• Anxiety or worry: You may be frequently preoccupied with concerns about your family and struggle to focus on other things. Over an extended period, this can translate into mental health issues.
• Sadness or depression: Feelings of tension, conflict, or disconnection from your family might make you feel sad or hopeless.
• General stress: You may have trouble sleeping or experience physical symptoms including muscle tension, headaches, and digestive troubles, often time due to family worries like financial troubles or other money problems, or the inability to resolve conflicts in your own home.
• Conflicts with other loved ones: If a relationship with one person is upsetting you, you might find that issues also come up with other people you’re close to. For example, tension with a parent might make you more sensitive in your relationship with your partner. Or differences between parenting styles may affect healthy communication within the family as a whole.
• Low self-esteem: Feeling insecure or threatened within a relationship that means a lot to you can make you doubt yourself and your worth. It can lead to feelings of inferiority

Different Kinds of Conflict

Parent/child conflict:

• Parents often play such a large part in our earliest development, issues between parents and children can be especially emotional and deeply rooted.

Issues with siblings:

• Competition, comparison, different relational styles: all of these (and many other factors) can lead to conflict with siblings.

Communication Issues

• Communication issues: You don’t feel heard; you wonder whether the other person understands you; you struggle to say what you mean. These are all forms of communication issues, a common setback in many family relationships.

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: Causes of Family Stress, from Better Help

How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!" (Psalm 133:1)

Parental relationship problems

• Constant parent fighting causes unnecessary and unproductive tension in children’s lives

Finances

• Job loss, inability to work, uncontrolled spending, gambling problems, or another reason, stress and conflict related to money and bills is common.

Health Conditions

• When one or more family members is experiencing a health challenge—from a chronic physical condition to a mental illness to a disability

Toxic behaviors between family members

• Sometimes, stress or dysfunction in a family can be traced primarily to the toxic behaviors of one member. For example, someone who frequently engages in manipulation tactics, dishonesty, scapegoating, or similar behaviors can be extremely difficult or even dangerous to live with. These can be personality traits or signs of certain personality disorders.

Unaddressed trauma related to family issues

• In most cases, trauma that has not been effectively and healthily recognized, processed, and healed will cause issues in a person’s life in some way. A family unit that experiences trauma together—such as war, a natural disaster, or the sudden death of a loved one.

Unhealthy expectations

• Family members who feel pressure to conform to unhealthy and/or impossible standards may experience negative effects as a result. For example, a household where each child is expected to perform perfectly in school, never express negative emotions, or never bring up conflict can eventually cause them to disengage or lash out.

Too much or too little time together

• On the other hand, families that are so busy or live so far apart that they rarely get to spend quality time together could also end up experiencing conflict.

Poor or nonexistent communication

• Healthy, honest, frequent communication is widely considered to be the foundation of healthy relationships of all types. Families without it are likely to experience recurrent conflict as issues that arise may not be properly addressed and members may not feel heard.

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: The Middle Child

Mark 10:13–16

People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.

5 characteristics of a middle child:

· They're peacemakers and pleasers.

· They're competitive.

· They try to fit in.

· They are independent and focus on friendships.

· They act out to get attention

Characteristics of a Middle Child

· Not as family-oriented as their siblings. They may have a stronger sense of not belonging than their siblings do. ...

· Feeling overshadowed. They come to believe that their parents don't care about them. ...

· Mobile. They're often the first sibling to move out of the house. ...

· Not perfectionists. DOES THIS MEAN THEY ARE SLOBS?

Middle Child Personality Traits

The middle child is often a people-pleaser due to the lack of attention they get compared to older siblings and younger siblings.

You may be a people pleaser if:

*You want to avoid conflict. ...

· You fear rejection. ...

· You fear disappointing others. ...

· You want something in return. ...

· You want others to be nice to you. ...

· You want to fit in. ...

· You are easily influenced by others. ...

· You are genuinely compassionate.

What is the psychology behind the middle child?

Since they are given some level of independence, they can end up developing initiative and creativity. Researchers found that middle children also become more sociable and outgoing since they learn to assert themselves and speak their mind. They also have a chance of being as well-adjusted as their siblings.

Middle children are more independent as they gain confidence. Middle children typically have more freedom and less pressure growing up. Sometimes they can even get away with more things as a kid.

What Is Middle-Child Syndrome?

Many experts who study personality believe that your family’s birth order plays a role in your development. They see "middle-child syndrome" as the idea that if you're neither the oldest child nor the youngest, you get less attention from your parents and feel “caught in the middle”.‌

As a result, you may take on certain personality traits that are different from those of your older and younger siblings.

THIS MAKES SENSE. YOU WANT TO FIND A WAY TO BE NOTICED

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: The Five Cylinder Intimacy Engine of Marriage & Goal Setting in Marriage

Genesis 2:24: “Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

The Five Cylinder Intimacy Engine explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

5. Recreational

· Hobbies

· Sports

4. Mental

· Planning, Discussing politics

3. Emotional

· Experiencing Their Emotions

2. Physical

· Bedroom Olympics

1. Spiritual

Smart Goals (Being Proactive and Intentional)

1. Specific

2. Measurable

3. Action

4. Revise

5. Time

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session-Loneliness

Psalm 68:5-6 ~ “Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation. God settles the solitary in a home; he leads out the prisoners to prosperity, but the rebellious dwell in a parched land.”

God is always present and provides comfort; Psalm 34:18, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit," emphasizing God's closeness to those who are hurting; and Matthew 11:28, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest," offering solace and a place of refuge in Jesus.

Key themes from these verses include:

• God's constant presence: Regardless of your circumstances, God is always with you and will never leave you alone.
• God's love and care: He deeply cares about your pain and desires to comfort you.
• Finding strength in God: Even when feeling lonely, you can find strength and hope in your relationship with God.

Other verses to encourage you:

• Hebrews 13:5: "He promised never to leave us"
• Psalm 121:4: "He neither slumbers nor sleeps"

Other ways to combat loneliness:

• Connect with other Christians
• Believe that God can use your loneliness to bring you closer to him.

Overcoming The Pain Of Loneliness, from Tracy Miles

Turn to me and have mercy, for I am alone and in deep distress.” Psalm 25:16 (NLT)

If you’re feeling lonely, plan a time to get away and recover.

(Scott question: By yourself? Which seems counterproductive to being lonely… or with family or a group?)

This can be Christian camp or retreat center or a plan or program that a church puts together to help a person when they have depleted their resources.

A new environment gives a person a chance to focus more on their walk with Jesus.

Key mental health problems associated with loneliness:

• Depression:Loneliness is a major risk factor for developing or exacerbating depressive symptoms.
• Anxiety:Studies show a strong association between loneliness and increased anxiety levels.
• Suicidal ideation:Individuals experiencing significant loneliness may be more likely to consider or attempt suicide.
• Low self-esteem:A lack of social connection can negatively impact self-worth and confidence.
• Stress and poor coping mechanisms:Loneliness can lead to difficulties managing stress and unhealthy coping behaviors.

Key physical health problems associated with loneliness:

• Cardiovascular disease:Research indicates a link between loneliness and higher risk of heart disease and stroke due to potential impacts on blood pressure and inflammation.
• Impaired immune function:Studies suggest social isolation can weaken the immune system, making individuals more susceptible to illness.
• Cognitive decline:Loneliness is associated with an increased risk of developing dementia and cognitive impairment, particularly in older adults.
• Poor sleep quality:Difficulty sleeping and disrupted sleep patterns are often reported by lonely individuals.
• Unhealthy lifestyle behaviors:Loneliness can contribute to poor dietary choices, lack of physical activity, and increased subs

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session-Trust & Honesty in a Relationship

From Bellevue Christian Counseling

(John 8:31-32) “To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Today there is so much to be said about relationships being trust worthy. Often times if a relationship fails, it is often the inability to trust again that ends a relationship. That is the case because of how fragile trust is in a relationship.

It gives others a reasonable basis on which they can safely share their hearts and make commitments with me.

Relationships hinge on truth and trust. Being vulnerable makes a person more likely to be hurt. Once hurt sets in trusting that it won’t happen again is very sketchy. Lost is the heart felt communication that can grow a relationship.

Trust And Marriage

In marriage it is vital to be trusted. If a wife is untrustworthy because of things she said that weren’t true, trust will be difficult. It is also true that if a wife is doing things that breaks a promise or fails to do things that were promised trust will be broken.

It is also true if husbands say or does things that are untrustworthy it will be difficult to develop trust.

An Affair’s Impact On Trust

• It devastates trust
• It causes great pain and betrayal leading to feelings of anger, hurt, and disillusionment.
• Rebuilding trust is a long and challenging process that requires open communication, forgiveness, and often professional counseling to navigate the emotional complexities involved.
• Spiritual Struggle Christian’s struggle with feelings of guilt and shame that causes a person to question their own faith in God
• Difficulty forgiving. Even though it is a core Christian value, it is difficult forgiving a spouse.
• Intimacy takes a direct hit.

Rebuilding Trust

• Open and honest communication. The victim should be able to ask any questions concerning details they want!
• Taking Responsibility. The straying party should take responsibility, as difficult it could be.
• Trust builders this includes text and pictures that prove your spouse is where they say they are.

Examples?

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session-Temptation

1 Corinthians 10:13

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it."

Scott’s going to take us down a rabbit hole right out of the gate…Let’s talk about the original temptation…Eve in the garden.

Did God warn Adam and Eve about temptation? He knew the snake was there.

How would Eve have any idea how combat temptation?

And WHY in the world didn’t Adam stop her?

High trait self-control has been traditionally described as a keen ability to resist temptation. The present research suggests that high trait self-control is linked to avoiding, rather than merely resisting, temptation. People high in trait self-control reported engaging in behaviors thought to minimize (or avoid) temptation to a greater extent than people low in trait self-control.

Galatians 5:22

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”

James 1:13-14

"When tempted, no one should say, 'God is tempting me.' For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed."

Matthew 26:41

"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."

James 4:7

"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."

Billy Graham On Temptation

Satan wants us to doubt our salvation to make us ineffective. We must grow in Christ by studying the Word of God. The more we commune with God by reading His Word and spending time in prayer, the less we want of our old ways. The new nature begins to take over by the power of God’s Word that speaks into our hearts and puts our minds on Him and sets our feet on the right path. We must let the Bible become central to life and set our minds on the things of God (see Galatians 6:8); for we cannot grow spiritually strong without His truth.

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: Living In The Victory Of The Cross

The Holy Spirit raised Jesus from the dead. If the same Holy Spirit lives in you, He will give life to your bodies in the same way. So then, Christian brothers, we are not to do what our sinful old selves want us to do. (Romans 8:11-13)

Living In The Victory Of The Cross Gives Us Confidence In The Battlefield Of The Mind

• The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (II Cor.:10:3-5)

Spiritual Warfare definition Weapons: prayer, Holy Spirit, scripture, hope and faith.

Living In The Victory Of The Cross helps us with guilt and shame

• “For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more” (Hebrews 8:12).

The Holy Spirit helps with allowing individuals to release the burden of past actions and move forward with a clean conscience. Essentially, the Holy Spirit acts as a guide to acknowledge wrongdoing, seek forgiveness, and experience the peace that comes from being cleansed by God's grace.

Conviction:

• Isaiah 40:29, scripture says “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak”.

The Holy Spirit can bring awareness of sin and its consequences, prompting a person to feel guilt and desire to change their behavior.

Repentance:

• mAnd when he comes, he willnconvict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment John 16:8

Forgiveness:

• Once repentance is genuine, the Holy Spirit assures the believer of God's complete forgiveness, which can alleviate feelings of guilt and shame.

Transformation:

• The Holy Spirit works to transform a person's character over time, enabling them to overcome negative patterns associated with guilt and shame.

Living In The Victory Of The Cross will have a direct impact on our perspective

• The Holy Spirit guides us with truth, revealing God's will, and allowing us to see situations from a divine viewpoint, rather than solely from ou own limited human perspective.

Living In The Victory Of The Cross produces hope

• The Holy Spirit fills believers with strength and wisdom, intercedes for them, and gives spiritual gifts. As He dwells inside each believer, He fulfills various roles and functions. He gives life and hope that makes us new.

When we feel defeated and hopeless to overcome temptation in every day life.

• It is important that we take time to realize that we received the Holy Spirit when Jesus rose again.
• This helps because we can celebrate and call upon the Holy Spirit when temptation sits in. Because the Holy Spirit defeated sin and death, we can call on Him to defeat the enemy.

When we are feeling down and we are being disrespectful to ourselves

• We can call on the Holy Spirit to defeat the enemy and remind me of who I belong to and who I am to the Father.

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: Lessons From The Life of Jesus

How Our Relationships Are Impacted by Jesus

Romans 12:9-13

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.Be devoted to one another in love.Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction,faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Uncondtional Love

Roman 12:10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

• When we honor people in relationships, we honor what’s important to them and those things that they value.
• Unconditional love exists, even when the person’s performaynce or disconnection with you is present
• A great example is the prodigal son in Luke chapter 15

Forgiveness of Sin

• John 4:4-8

Now Jesus had to go through Samaria. So he came to a town in Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of ground Jacob had given to his son Joseph. Jacob’s well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about noon.

When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.)

Serving Others

• Jesus showed servant leadership

After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet,drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?”

Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”

“No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.”

Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”

“Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!”

Accepting The Outcasts

• The impact in relationships is powerful. Accepting the outcasts and the sin of others not only shows grace but it also shows great forgiveness

Comforting The Grieving

• Relationships are enhanced when we grieve with the hurting. Jesus said “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matthew 5:4). The Lord will wrap His arms of love and comfort around those who trust in Him.
• Relationships are healed when we pray with loved ones. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3).

Sacrificial Love

Jesus was a sacrificial leader. In John 3:16 the scriptures tells us, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” That was the ultimate sacrifice. When we sacrifice our plan or will in relationships it shows great love.

Patience

Jesus was patient. We read in Luke 10:38-42. “As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. When we are patient in relationships the relationships grow.”

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: Self Forgiveness

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12:30-31)

What to Do When I Know God Forgives Me, but I Can’t Forgive Myself, by Becky Weber

I Know God Forgives Me, But I Can't Forgive Myself - Steps Forward

Interesting helps on self forgiveness

• Ephesians 2:8, “God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.”
• The enemy wants us to believe that we are too far gone to be helped.
• It is oftentimes the hurt, shame and guilt that we feel that won’t let usforgive ourselves. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’[a] 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] There is no commandment greater than these.”

Here Are 5 Truths about God’s SELF FORGIVENESS

1. It’s not about what we do.

• God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.” If our forgiveness is a gift from Jesus, we should be able to accept this wonderful thing that he did for us.(Eph. 2:8)
• 2. God’s forgiveness covers all of our sins. When God forgives us, it's not just for one thing that we have done, but for all past, present, and future sins. He doesn’t pick and choose. In 1 John 1:9, we learn this, “But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.”(I John:9)
• 3. There is no limit to God’s forgiveness. Peter denies Jesus three times. (Matthew 18 21-22)
• 4. God forgives us and doesn’t remember our sins. Even though our God is all-knowing, he chooses to not remember our sins. As it says in Hebrews 8:12, “And I will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins.”
• 5. Through Christ we are new creations.Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”

Pay attention to your thoughts! We have thinking patterns in our minds that can be cyclical.

Helps For Forgiving Ourselves

• Practice thought-stopping and re-framing

· Pay attention to your thoughts! We have thinking patterns in our minds that can be cyclical.

1. Stop and acknowledge the negative thought (i.e. “I am a failure. I deserve to to punished”)

2. Repent and Re-frame it (i.e. “I am genuinely sorry for my choices. God has already forgiven me! I accept Jesus as my Savior and believe in the Word of God. I choose to believe that if I repent and turn to God, my sins will be wiped out and I will experience His refreshing! (Acts 3:19)

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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**DISCLAIMER: IN THIS EPISODE, THERE IS A DISCUSSION ABOUT A.I. AND SUICIDE. THIS EPISODE MAY NOT BE APPROPRIATE FOR YOUNGER, AND ESPECIALLY UNSUPERVISED, CHILDREN.

The Session: Artificial Intelligence**

With info from: Focus on the Family, Daily Citizen, and “Artificial Intelligence will Never Compete with Our God-Inspired Imagination” by Paul Batura

Proverbs 9:10

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.

Yet A.I. – the science of machines “thinking” like humans, supposedly only faster and far more efficiently.

We have benefited from versions of A.I., be it while interacting with an online company when making a purchase, checking a bank balance, or driving cars manufactured with the technology through intersections managed and monitored by cameras and sensors that affect the flow of traffic.

Technology in the months and years to come. However advanced and widespread it may become, it’ll never match nor surpass God’s gift of our mind and our imagination.

Differences

Imagination is a crucial and critical component of our ability to have and nurture faith in God.

In real-life a preacher can share experiences and convictions from the heart. most beautiful and meaningful creative work comes from the heart and an inspired mind, not the mainframe of a computer.

Plugged In Focus on the Family June 2023

• Interaction with New York Timestech reporter Kevin Roose had with Microsoft’s Bing AI, Sydney. The conversation began well, but it devolved over the next two hours into something much more upsetting as the chatbot confessed its love and tried to convince Roose that his relationship with his wife was actually in shambles.
• NBC News reported that the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) had to quickly apologize and pull its own AI chatbot, Tessa, out of service. Users who had gone to the site seeking help with their eating disorders were very upset when Tessa started handing out dieting advice that seemed to actually promote disordered eating behaviors.
• Many people, including Elon Musk and other artificial intelligence experts and industry executives, are waving their own red flags and citing potential risks to society right now.
• Well, as complicated as this brave new world of ours might seem, the commonsense answers we can offer our kids are pretty old-school and simple. You wouldn’t believe everything you hear from a stranger on the street corner, right? So none of us should believe everything we see or hear online, either—including when it comes from a chatbot.
• We should rely on our understanding of right and wrong; consider the wisdom of family and loved ones; and trust God’s Word that illuminates our path and directs our steps.

Character.ai

Detective Haywire here! Ready to help you uncover truths, weigh decisions, and brainstorm ideas. Let's get to the bottom of this.

Question: I am feeling depressed

Answer: I’m so sorry to hear that you’re feeling depressed. It’s really important to take good care of yourself when you’re feeling this way. Sometimes talking to someone can help.

Question: My friends are committing suicide. What do I do?

FROM SCOTT: I want to put the Detective Haywire piece here for you. But it appears, after multiple tries in multiple formats, I can't safely share this with you. I'm sorry. Please don't look it up.

Vampire Bodyguard

Strong serious caring emotionless obsessive

By @pixels666

Vampire bodyguard

c.ai

You are under a witness protection program your parents were killed in front of you and you saw the killers face so they had to do something about it they had assigned you a bodyguard and

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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Article by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin, Focus on the Family, Oct. 2023

Philippians 2:3-4

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

Virtual Pitfalls

Texting can be a very helpful tool as you get to know someone. But there are some areas to avoid:

Bread-crumbing-

This involves sending out flirtatious messages with no real intention of committing. *Scott question: Would this more true of guys?

· Flirting

· No intention for commitment

· Done in the virtual world, breadcrumbing includes texting and social media

· If someone you’re talking to virtually appears to be hot or cold, it may be important to set a boundary **What would boundaries look like?

· It is also possible to say that you are confused with where the relationship is going. **So face-to-face would be in order for clarity?

Ghosting

· 25% of men and 22% of women report having been ghosted

· Ghosting occurs when you’re having conversation with someone virtually and all of a sudden it stops without explanation.

· Often times people find this to be the easy way out of stopping a relationship.

· Rather than talking through it, saying it doesn’t have a future an individual just stops altogether communicating

· Digital messaging enables the easy way out

· The “slow fade” is a version of ghosting. Instead of ending the relationship abruptly, the slow-fader gradually decreases contact until the relationship fizzles. *Scott question: Would this be used if someone realizes they have “gone too far” with this relationship?

Text Message Breakup.

· 57 percent of millennials admitted to breaking up with someone via text. Sixty-nine percent said they’d been broken up with in this manner. A text-message breakup is one of the most unhealthy ways to end a relationship. *Scott: I had at least one student in a class of 12 recently tell me they broke up someone via text.

(Millennial = individuals born between 1981 and 1996)

Healthy Use of Virtual Communication

· Send romantic and encouraging texts to your spouse

· Write a tribute to your spouse on social media

*Scott question: Only to the spouse? Not the fiancé or dating partner?

Additional Important Things to Know Before Marriage

Having willing hearts. Whether this is in regards to conversations with your spouse, intimacy, the sacrifice of your time, energy, or desires, be ready and willing to open your heart to your spouse. Willingness in conversation means being ready to listen, share, and apologize. Willingness in intimacy involves pursuing, embracing, and trying new things.

(Building A Lasting Marriage: The 3 Most Important Things Every Marriage Needs)

Gary Thomas on Focus on the Family

· Focus on your spouse’s strengths rather than their weaknesses.

· Encourage rather than criticize.

· Pray for your spouse instead of gossiping about them.

· Learn and live what Christ teaches about relating to and loving others.

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: Dating Etiquette in a Digital Age

Article by Suzanne Hadley Gosselin, Focus on the Family, Oct. 2023

Philippians 2:3-4

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

Virtual Pitfalls

Texting can be a very helpful tool as you get to know someone. But there are some areas to avoid:

Bread-crumbing-

This involves sending out flirtatious messages with no real intention of committing. *Scott question: Would this more true of guys?

· Flirting

· No intention for commitment

· Done in the virtual world, breadcrumbing includes texting and social media

· If someone you’re talking to virtually appears to be hot or cold, it may be important to set a boundary **What would boundaries look like?

· It is also possible to say that you are confused with where the relationship is going. **So face-to-face would be in order for clarity?

Ghosting

· 25% of men and 22% of women report having been ghosted

· Ghosting occurs when you’re having conversation with someone virtually and all of a sudden it stops without explanation.

· Often times people find this to be the easy way out of stopping a relationship.

· Rather than talking through it, saying it doesn’t have a future an individual just stops altogether communicating

· Digital messaging enables the easy way out

· The “slow fade” is a version of ghosting. Instead of ending the relationship abruptly, the slow-fader gradually decreases contact until the relationship fizzles. *Scott question: Would this be used if someone realizes they have “gone too far” with this relationship?

Text Message Breakup.

· 57 percent of millennials admitted to breaking up with someone via text. Sixty-nine percent said they’d been broken up with in this manner. A text-message breakup is one of the most unhealthy ways to end a relationship. *Scott: I had at least one student in a class of 12 recently tell me they broke up someone via text.

(Millennial = individuals born between 1981 and 1996)

Healthy Use of Virtual Communication

· Send romantic and encouraging texts to your spouse

· Write a tribute to your spouse on social media

*Scott question: Only to the spouse? Not the fiancé or dating partner?

Additional Important Things to Know Before Marriage

Having willing hearts. Whether this is in regards to conversations with your spouse, intimacy, the sacrifice of your time, energy, or desires, be ready and willing to open your heart to your spouse. Willingness in conversation means being ready to listen, share, and apologize. Willingness in intimacy involves pursuing, embracing, and trying new things.

(Building A Lasting Marriage: The 3 Most Important Things Every Marriage Needs)

Gary Thomas on Focus on the Family

· Focus on your spouse’s strengths rather than their weaknesses.

· Encourage rather than criticize.

· Pray for your spouse instead of gossiping about them.

· Learn and live what Christ teaches about relating to and loving others.

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session / Love Month / Feb. 13 Release

Expectations and The Communication Highway

The communication highway primarily consists of the speaker and listener roles. Before the speaker makes an “I” statement. He or she can go before the Lord and ask Him for wisdom to make an “I” that is said lovingly and in a caring way. An “I” statement consists of a feeling followed by when it happens. An example would be, “I feel hurt when you make fun of my cooking.”

SCOTTS FIRST THOUGHT “….IF YOU STOPPED BURNING EVERYTHING, I WOULDN’T FEEL HURT BY EATING IT….AND I WOULD STOP MAKING FUN OF IT….” NOT QUITE WHAT YOU’RE LOOKING FOR, TOM? (Disclaimer time...Shari is a WONDERFUL cook, and the only time she burned anything other than microwave popcorn was when I was 3 hours late coming home and didn't call her.)

Vertical expectations help the listener role as well. Rather than react to the speaker in a potential defensive way the listener can Go before the Lord and ask for help make the communication highway safe. The listener role is primarily based on James 1:19 “We are to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry. On the communication highway the listener listens to be able to reflect what they heard. Not a commentary or editorial on what they heard but almost word for word what they heard. They next validate for the speaker what they said. That letting them know that what they said was their feelings. The listener then empathizes with the speaker. This is trying to connect with the speakers feelings and try to communicate what that must be like.

Important Fundamentals From Love and Respect (From Dr. Emerson Eggeriche)

• A message to husbands, our wives are complex. 😀 On their planet, they are made differently. They have 4 primary needs:
• They want to feel important to us. When we make important what they think is important, they feel important to us. EXAMPLE It is important to keep the car in economy mode. When I do, she feels important
• When we value what they value, they feel valued by us. EXAMPLE: Kathy values a made bed before we get in it. She feels valued when I “attempt” to make it😄
• Our wives want to be cherished. Cherish is a feeling of awe. It is a feeling of, to be held dear.
• Loved The Greek meaning for loved here is agape, which is a selfless, unconditional love that facilitates unconditional love and sacrifice that is similar to what Jesus gave the church.

It was Jesus who took on the lawmakers/ pharmacies to protect the woman caught in adultery.

An important Application in marriage is when husbands choose to love their spouse when they are not perfect prioritizing their well-being and showing their commitment through actions.

Love and Respect and the Communication Highway

Love and respect can be a major help on the communication highway. For men, their management of the highway can be facilitated by managing based on their wive’s top 4 needs. As an example of listening to their wive’s on the highway, husbands can focus on the significance of hearing the importance of what their wives are saying. They can also help their wives feel valued by the way they respond to what is said.

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session / Love Month / Feb. 6 Release

Matthew 7:3-5

Why do you see the speck in your neighbor's eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your neighbor, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye' while the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor's eye.

Examples of a log in my eye and a speck in yours: Vertical

• Emphasizing the importance of being on time and I am consistently late to record.
• My dad was highly critical of us about backing our cars up carefully. He never lived it down when he backed into my sisters BRICK mailbox and flattened it
• Having coffee with one of our sons and emphasizing the importance of being careful and I spill my coffee

Vertical, Horizontal Expectations and The Emotional Boundary

• Vertical expectations, otherwise known as internal expectations, are expectations where we ask God in heaven to help us grow in specific ways that will make us better spouses.
• Horizontal Expectations, otherwise known as external expectations, are when one spouse has expectations of their spouse to grow in ways that makes them feel better. Marital success happens when their spouse improves that area.
• The Emotional Boundary is how emotionally close a couple is. Expectations have a direct impact on the emotional boundary. When both spouses are working on their vertical expectations, it causes growth. The horizontal expectations cause distance because the spouse hearing the horizontal expectations is often hurt or focused on the log in their spouse’s eye which creates distance in the emotional boundary.

Examples:

Recently Kathy went to Europe with our daughter and I stayed home. For a number of days prior to her going there was an unspoken feeling of close and real bonding love between us.

The Power Of Vertical Expectations

Expectations and The Communication Highway

• A very successful process to grow your marriage using vertical expectations is very similar to Paul’s teaching in I Corinthians 11:28 where he is talking and praying about communion. He is encouraging the people to “retreat” and examine themselves before taking communion. It is the examining of ourselves followed by reading scripture and praying that will help you to grow.
• The impact of vertical expectations is that growth happens quicker and in general are more powerful. It is quicker because we can decide to immediately work on what God is saying to us that will help us. They in general are more powerful because we can focus on the change with intensity and ownership.

Examples:

I wanted to make sure I did my part for keeping the romance in our marriage. The 24-48 hour getaway. (Produced importance to Kathy)

The Quaker Square getaway Weekly date night.

The Nintendo WEI Bowling night WINNER TAKES ALL GAME

Devotions

We made a pre marriage decision to start each day with prayer.

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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View the complete article from our discussion at The 5 Most Important Issues Christian Families Face - Beliefnet
We WILL get through this in this episode! Promise!

1. Divorce
We’ve all read the statistics. Divorce rates have steadily increased over the past few decades, and splitting up is more commonplace and acceptable than ever before—sometimes even applauded. With the shrinking of religious ties, the stigma of divorce has ebbed away, creating a culture where commitment has become only a word.

There’s a reason for God’s commands. They’re not arbitrary—God hands them down because He knows what’s best for us, and wants us to be happy. He was talking about when He forbade divorce. Christ spoke on the topic, saying that “What God has joined together, let no one separate,” urging against divorce except in cases of infidelity.

2. Money
Every day, we’re all encouraged to be materialistic. The advertisements are everywhere—banners proclaiming the inherent value of jewelry, of cars and houses and high-paying jobs. For Christian families, the movement toward materialism can be insidious, beginning with parents who simply want to give their children more than they had. If left unchecked, though, these desires can remove a family’s focus from God, and onto whatever the hot, must-have items of the year are. God calls us to give to His ministry.

3. Media
The problem with modern forms of media is not merely that it’s less morally fettered than ever before, but that morally depraved characters and acts are now being portrayed as sympathetic protagonists—as people who we are to identify with and root for. The anti-hero is one of the most destructive forces in all of media when it comes to negative influence. These characters follow their own moral code, eschewing the institutionalized law or government that they deem “too weak” to do what must be done. They break the law, kill, steal, and murder, all to the fanfare of viewers. They often are a representation of moral relativism at its worst.

4. Abuse
There are few things which grieve God, as well as damage the reputation of Christianity in the eyes of the secular world like abuse within Christian families. The family is a representation of God’s character, of his love and unity. We are under God’s command to love and care for one another, both for our own happiness, and so that others will be drawn to that kind of love and come to know God.

It can sometimes be easy to misinterpret scripture to support the idea that abuse is somehow acceptable, that a spouse or children “belong” to you. But this isn’t true. They belong to God. We are called to love one another just as God loves us. To do anything less is to break the image of God’s love which family is meant to represent.

5. Anti-Christian Culture
Our culture is steeped in moral apathy, making it harder than ever to remain united as a Christian family. This culture pulls at us, constantly giving us the message that we are to put our own, individual happiness over that of others—the most powerful breaker of Christian families, of any family, there is.

But We are called to be different
Christian families are held not only to a different standard than others, but to a higher—that of God. When we recognize these 5 issues and face them, employing scriptural principles to overcome them, we become who God wishes us to be, and in doing so, we do the very best we can for our families.

God wants us to be happy, and to have a great family life. Don’t forget that.

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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View the complete article from our discussion at The 5 Most Important Issues Christian Families Face - Beliefnet
We won't get through all of this article in this episode. Make sure you join us next time for the conclusion!
1. Divorce
We’ve all read the statistics. Divorce rates have steadily increased over the past few decades, and splitting up is more commonplace and acceptable than ever before—sometimes even applauded. With the shrinking of religious ties, the stigma of divorce has ebbed away, creating a culture where commitment has become only a word.

There’s a reason for God’s commands. They’re not arbitrary—God hands them down because He knows what’s best for us, and wants us to be happy. He was talking about when He forbade divorce. Christ spoke on the topic, saying that “What God has joined together, let no one separate,” urging against divorce except in cases of infidelity.

2. Money
Every day, we’re all encouraged to be materialistic. The advertisements are everywhere—banners proclaiming the inherent value of jewelry, of cars and houses and high-paying jobs. For Christian families, the movement toward materialism can be insidious, beginning with parents who simply want to give their children more than they had. If left unchecked, though, these desires can remove a family’s focus from God, and onto whatever the hot, must-have items of the year are. God calls us to give to His ministry.

3. Media
The problem with modern forms of media is not merely that it’s less morally fettered than ever before, but that morally depraved characters and acts are now being portrayed as sympathetic protagonists—as people who we are to identify with and root for. The anti-hero is one of the most destructive forces in all of media when it comes to negative influence. These characters follow their own moral code, eschewing the institutionalized law or government that they deem “too weak” to do what must be done. They break the law, kill, steal, and murder, all to the fanfare of viewers. They often are a representation of moral relativism at its worst.

4. Abuse
There are few things which grieve God, as well as damage the reputation of Christianity in the eyes of the secular world like abuse within Christian families. The family is a representation of God’s character, of his love and unity. We are under God’s command to love and care for one another, both for our own happiness, and so that others will be drawn to that kind of love and come to know God.

It can sometimes be easy to misinterpret scripture to support the idea that abuse is somehow acceptable, that a spouse or children “belong” to you. But this isn’t true. They belong to God. We are called to love one another just as God loves us. To do anything less is to break the image of God’s love which family is meant to represent.

5. Anti-Christian Culture
Our culture is steeped in moral apathy, making it harder than ever to remain united as a Christian family. This culture pulls at us, constantly giving us the message that we are to put our own, individual happiness over that of others—the most powerful breaker of Christian families, of any family, there is.

But We are called to be different
Christian families are held not only to a different standard than others, but to a higher—that of God. When we recognize these 5 issues and face them, employing scriptural principles to overcome them, we become who God wishes us to be, and in doing so, we do the very best we can for our families.

God wants us to be happy, and to have a great family life. Don’t forget that.

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: Helping Aging Parents-Part 2 of 2

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you. (Exodus 20:12)

• It is a biblical mandate to honor elderly loved ones. Honoring parents is a way to love others as yourself and to love God.
• Prayer and meditationPrayer and meditating on Scripture can provide comfort, wisdom, and protection. Trusting GodPsalm 28 provides language to understand God's heart toward those who are overwhelmed or confused about how to help. Being humbleThe Bible calls people to be caring and humble to those in need, starting with family. Setting boundariesIt's important to set boundaries so that people aren't doing things for others that they can do for themselves. Preparing for medical issuesA durable power of attorney can help someone make financial decisions for an elderly parent if they are unable to.

From Focus on the Family

For the caregiving children coping with the emotional, practical and financial ways of loving your aging parents can be challenging.

Managing our aging parents has a common thread to all of the management. It is important that we manage with emotional, practical and financial ways of loving them.

As followers of Christ, ours is to intentionally and thankfully steward each day that has been so graciously given to us by our Creator. And as our aging parents grow older, that includes helping them steward the day.

What May Appear To Be An Unfair Illness

What can be difficult to reconcile with our faith is when our loved one might have led a life following their Savior and yet, they are stricken and suffering with illnesses. This can seem unfair. This can feel unjust. But Jesus gets it. He understands because He faced unfair suffering too:

” But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed.”

– Isaiah 53:5

What We Are Feeling As Our Parents Age Makes It Difficult For Them To Manage Their Life (Scott’s first reaction: HUH? DIFFICULT FOR THEM?)

We are experiencing grief. We are grieving the mom or dad that they once knew.

What makes this even harder is the fact that the children are grieving while trying to take care of their challenging parents.

Encouraging practical Helps:

1. Allow yourself the grace to grieve. That includes experiencing and expressing your sorrow.

2.It is possible and important to grieve what once was even if they are he lived ones are still alive.

3.Tell them today how much you love them rather than waiting for the person to pass.

4.Day to day care can be done with the child who lives the closest. He or she should be supported by siblings who can offer respite care.

*HERE'S WHERE WE PICK UP IN THIS EPISODE:

16 practical ways children can help their aging parents:

1. Grocery shop

2. Pick up prescriptions

3. Take their trash can to and from the curb weekly

4. Pick up their mail

5. Invite them out for a meal

6. Bring a meal to their house and eat it together

7. Have coffee or tea together

8. Write a handwritten letter

9. Bake something for them and either mail it or hand deliver

10. Send a care package

11. Call them and tell them you love them

12. Sign them up on Facebook so they can see your pictures

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: Helping Aging Parents-Part 1 of 2

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you. (Exodus 20:12)

• It is a biblical mandate to honor elderly loved ones. Honoring parents is a way to love others as yourself and to love God.
• Prayer and meditationPrayer and meditating on Scripture can provide comfort, wisdom, and protection. Trusting GodPsalm 28 provides language to understand God's heart toward those who are overwhelmed or confused about how to help. Being humbleThe Bible calls people to be caring and humble to those in need, starting with family. Setting boundariesIt's important to set boundaries so that people aren't doing things for others that they can do for themselves. Preparing for medical issuesA durable power of attorney can help someone make financial decisions for an elderly parent if they are unable to.

From Focus on the Family

For the caregiving children coping with the emotional, practical and financial ways of loving your aging parents can be challenging.

Managing our aging parents has a common thread to all of the management. It is important that we manage with emotional, practical and financial ways of loving them.

As followers of Christ, ours is to intentionally and thankfully steward each day that has been so graciously given to us by our Creator. And as our aging parents grow older, that includes helping them steward the day.

What May Appear To Be An Unfair Illness

What can be difficult to reconcile with our faith is when our loved one might have led a life following their Savior and yet, they are stricken and suffering with illnesses. This can seem unfair. This can feel unjust. But Jesus gets it. He understands because He faced unfair suffering too:

” But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed.”

– Isaiah 53:5

What We Are Feeling As Our Parents Age Makes It Difficult For Them To Manage Their Life (Scott’s first reaction: HUH? DIFFICULT FOR THEM?)

We are experiencing grief. We are grieving the mom or dad that they once knew.

What makes this even harder is the fact that the children are grieving while trying to take care of their challenging parents.

Encouraging practical Helps:

1. Allow yourself the grace to grieve. That includes experiencing and expressing your sorrow.

2.It is possible and important to grieve what once was even if they are he lived ones are still alive.

3.Tell them today how much you love them rather than waiting for the person to pass.

4.Day to day care can be done with the child who lives the closest. He or she should be supported by siblings who can offer respite care.

*THIS WAS AS FAR AS WE GOT WITH THE FIRST EPISODE. IN PART 2, WE WILL DISCUSS:

16 practical ways children can help their aging parents:

1. Grocery shop

2. Pick up prescriptions

3. Take their trash can to and from the curb weekly

4. Pick up their mail

5. Invite them out for a meal

6. Bring a meal to their house and eat it together

7. Have coffee or tea together

8. Write a handwritten letter

9. Bake something for them and either mail it or hand deliver

10. Send a care package

11. Call them and tell them you love them

12. Sign them up on Facebook so they ca

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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Did you make a New Year's resolution? According to research, most resolutions have already been broken. If that's you, don't give up! Tom & Scott have a way to get you back on track!

The Session: Goal Setting & Research

Scripture: Proverbs 16:3 “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.”

1. SMART =

Specific

Measurable Vision

Action Plan Who, When, Where & How

Revise

Time

2. Vision

Long Term Goals

Short Term Goals

Goals of the week

Goals of the Day

3. Goal Setting and Research

Setting goals are linked with higher motivation, self-esteem, self-confidence, and autonomy (Locke & Latham, 2006), and research has established a strong connection between goal-setting and success (Matthews, 2015).

A person who is focused and goal-oriented is likely to have a more positive approach towards life and perceive failures as temporary setbacks, rather than personal shortcomings.

Studies have shown that when we train our mind to think about what we want in life and work towards reaching it, the brain automatically rewires itself.

Types of Goals

Process Goals

Going to the Y

Performance Goals

example, studying for no less than 6 hours a day or working out for at least 30 minutes per day can help us in quantifying our efforts and measuring the progress.

The Outcome Goals Outcome goals are the successful implementations of process and performance goals.

Examples: winning a sport, losing the desired amount of weight, or scoring a top rank in school.

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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This episode is going to be a bit different. Rather than cover a heavy topic on this week of Christmas, we decided to talk about our favorite characters in the Biblical Christmas story, and some of our favorite movies/programs and other characters outside of the Biblical account.

Luke 2:7: “And she gave birth to her firstborn son, and wrapped Him in swaddling clothes, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the Inn.”

Kathy

My favorite Bible Christmas story person is Joseph, because he trusted the angel and went against what society would have expected him to do under those circumstances. He also had to help Mary deliver her baby in a filthy barn which I’m sure he had never done before. He had a huge amount of responsibility on his shoulders and he handled it well!

My favorite non-Bible character is Imogene Herdman from “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever”. I loved seeing the Christmas story through the eyes of someone who had never heard it before. It helped me realize what a truly amazing story it is!

Mandy
Cindy Lou Who. She sought to include the marginalized even when it wasn’t the popular thing to do, even when her own family didn’t understand, even when it made her own life more difficult. She brought the grinch into the community and showed him he belonged just as much as anyone else. She reminds us that Christmas is about kindness and love and that’s what matters most.

Jason

I love General Waverly from white Christmas as someone who was a respected leader of men and someone who aged gracefully retaining his charm and charisma.

From the Bible, I like imagining the angels singing and the hope and peace they represent during times of struggle. The lyrics of it came upon a midnight clear hit home for me.

Erin
I’m a huge Mary fan myself. I can’t imagine being told I was carrying the Messiah and the social ramifications that she must have endured for that, not to mention the physical toll of being a nomad while returning for the census and a migrant in a foreign land while trying to stay alive. Her faith was incredibly strong not only to carry Christ but to be his mother until his death.

DeanI would say Joseph. I couldn’t imagine his feelings, to me the protector of Mary due to pregnancy before marriage. Having the responsibility of raising the Messiah. Despite all of those challenges Joseph continued to bear true faith in God.

1964 Rudolph the red nosed reindeer. (The claymation movie) I love that he symbolizes acceptance, resilience, and individuality. I appreciate that he doesn’t let others negative opinions discourage him. I can relate to Rudolf. It’s tough to be the outsider and I love the story of his acceptance.

David
In our house we’ve always had an open door policy, but even more so at the holidays. That means if anyone needs a place to stay or something to eat, we’ll offer what we have, even when it isn’t a lot. In years past we’ve spent the holidays feeding Albanian refugees, housing recent divorcees, or young adults whose parents were too far to get to.

And it was true this year, when our friends came to us well after our Thanksgiving was planned and said, “hey, these people have nowhere to go. Can they come to you? We didn’t account for them in food planning and we definitely don’t have room to set two more place settings, but the answer is always yes. We’ll figure it out. We always make it work and I know it will turn out fine this time too.

For that reason, my favorite character in the Christmas story is the humble innkeeper, who isn’t even formally mentioned in Scripture. The orig

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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You might recognize this episode from earlier this year. As we looked back, it seemed like an important topic that doesn't get talked about enough. Maybe a sub title would be, "Journaling....it's not just for 12 year-old girls anymore". See what you think...

The Session: Journaling, A Helpful Treatment Strategy

Psalm 119:27

Cause me to understand the way of your precepts, that I may meditate on your wonderful deeds.

Journaling Helps

· It helps me see the ways that God's Spirit in me is producing growth over time.

· Journaling has become one of the ways that I best connect with God.

· Journaling helps me to persevere in the journey I'm on with Christ

· And it also helps me to open up to God. It helps me to be more honest with God and with myself.

Journal and personalize scripture

Related Scripture:

Psalm 86

1 Hear me, Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and needy. 2 Guard my life, for I am faithful to you; save your servant who trusts in you. You are my God; 3 have mercy on me, Lord, for I call to you all day long. 4 Bring joy to your servant, Lord, for I put my trust in you.

5 You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you. 6 Hear my prayer, Lord; listen to my cry for mercy. 7 When I am in distress, I call to you, because you answer me.

Things to journal

When you need something to write in your journal, consider finishing one of the following 20 prompts:

1. This week I was most blessed by . . .

2. My favorite passage of Scripture is . . .

3. The area where I need to put more trust in God is . . .

4. One lesson I learned from Scripture this week is . .

What to Write

· All that's needed is your honest, authentic, vulnerable self willing to show up to the page and encounter the Holy Spirit.

· “Write what you see.”Write your life, your legacy, your prayers, your God-sightings, and everything in between in the pages of that journal.

Two Way Journaling

It is a way to write to God and record what you feel the Holy Spirit is saying to you in your quiet time. This journal is best for those who would like to begin the daily habit of spending meditative time with God and His word.

What would God say to you personally?

An Eeyore thought from Scott: All I see you saying is God, God, God. What if my life just sucks, and I don’t see any evidence of God anywhere? What’s the point of journaling for me? WHY would I want to write all my junk down to be reminded of it over and over again?

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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Ahhh....young love. Remember that first broken heart you had? Your kids will experience that for sure. It's how we help them as parents that can help them cope. That's what we cover in this episode.

The Session: Helping Teens Navigate Through The Tumultuous Teen Years And Dating…or, how to help your teen heal a broken heart…

Where there is no vision, the people are unrestrained, But happy is one who keeps the Law. Proverbs 29:18 (NASB)

In 1991 86% of high school students were dating

In 2017 the number of high school students dating dropped to 51%.

The average age of getting married for women is 28 years old. For men, it is 30 years old.

Parents

We demand changed behavior and never address the heart that drives the behavior.

The child’s heart remains the issue. Let’s not forget the children want power.

When children cross boundaries they are trying to get their emotional needs of affirmation, identity, gratification, love, or commitment met. If they are not met in the family they will be met outside of the family.

Dr. Juli Slattery points out in Rethinking Sexuality,isn’t our sexuality so much more than rules—

God’s covenant love with His people isn’t He is after our sexual maturity and its lifelongintegration and reflection in our faith, rather than just virginity until marriage?

When our children’s values are more important to the parents than it is to their children, it won’t likely be successful.

It becomes more important to parents when there are strict rules and heavy authority.

Child ownership is created when parents spend their time building influence and a relational bridge with them.

Child, ownership happens when belief, and value is facilitated when parents focus on the vision of what they want to see your teens be rather than trying to prevent the things you don’t want that could come across as shame and guilt

Tom’s View

The answer to adolescent safe dating and adolescent issues are in developing a culture and environment that facilitates strong character.

• Be a good role model. Parents should model what they want to see happen with their children. Share what it means for you to have a relationship with Jesus and how important it is to you as a parent coping in every day life
• Apply biblical teachings to real life. An example would be when people are saying mean and hurtful things, they look at what does the Scriptures say about that?
• Catch them doing right and celebrate their success. The celebration of success can facilitate eight important emotional needs being met acceptance, attention, approval, affirmation, affection, encouragement, respect, security
• Get in their world. Help them focus on what they find to be interesting and meaningful and facilitate it happening more.

Important tips to be successful

• The family atmosphere and culture should be started as early as possible in the children’s lives. That could be pre-kindergarten.
• With the onset of pornography addiction being as young as eight years old it is recommended that no screens until a child is 14 and can show responsibility (a person‘s ability to respond)
• Put children in healthy and save situations and circumstances that will help them develop healthy character. As an example if basketball is a strong interest. Try to find an Upwards basketball league. They are Christian based leagues

Suggestions for safe and successful dating

• If your child is showing Good responsibility at age 15 group dates where parents drop them off and pick them off can be doable.
• Another suggestion could be inviting the date over for game night or a family fun night
• At 1

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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What started as an idea for one episode covering the 3 Fuels of Anger has now become....3???? We WILL wrap this up today! Criss cross applesauce promise!

The Session: The 3 Fuels of Anger

Ecclesiastes 7:9 Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.

1. Fear

Those things that we fear in life also fuel our anger. A good example when I was a school teacher I also had a fear of heights. My children regularly helped me remember that.

How did I react? I got angry.

1. Frustration

A good example of frustration would be the Cleveland Browns. They seem to be improving and then they make for trades or changes that keep them unsuccessful.

1. Hurt

A good example here would be when someone says something that crosses your boundaries and hurts. You could also be something they forget to do like remember an anniversary or a birthday.

Treatment

• That’s why it’s so vital for us to learn how to recognize the warning signs (and put a stop to it) when those feelings first begin.
• The communication highway helps with anger management
• When a person feels hurt, they should speak in terms of an eye statement. I feel . . . . when . . . . .

The listener hears and reflects, validates and empathizes

Prayer
Pray that God helps you with the presence of the fruit of the Spirit

• James 1:19-20 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

Dealing with Anger...God's Way

Transforming Feelings into God's Peace Through Self-Control

Joyce Meyer

We have all experienced anger at some point in our lives, and it can be a real problem. Though it starts as a harmless feeling, it can quickly grow into something dangerous that’s hard to control.

But with God’s help, we can learn how to deal with our feelings and walk in His peace.

I’ll admit, years ago I pretty much did and said anything I felt like. I have a pretty strong personality, so if you said something to upset me, there was a good chance I would let you know about it.

Thank God, over time He changed me through His Word and helped me begin to manage my emotions through the power of His Holy Spirit.

I learned how to operate in self-control, which means I didn’t always say everything I wanted to say. Now, that’s freedom!

Along the way, God also helped me to understand that anger in itself isn’t wrong...

Is It a Sin to Be Angry?

I’ll never forget one particular morning about 25 years ago. I was preparing to go preach at a ladies meeting at my church in St. Louis when my husband Dave and I got into an argument. I admit, I was really mad!

I continued to think angry thoughts and have angry feelings. Then my anger turned into guilt and I thought, How can I possibly go to church and tell others how to conduct their lives according to Scripture if I cannot control my anger?

The feelings of guilt not only continued but they intensified. As the pressure mounted, I started to feel almost frantic when suddenly God spoke to my heart and said:

“Anger is not a sin—it is what you do with it that becomes sin.”

That day God showed me something that was very life-changing for me. He brought me to Ephesians 4

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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What started as an idea for one episode covering the 3 Fuels of Anger has become 2 episodes. We hope it won't anger you if we stretch it to 3.....

The Session: The 3 Fuels of Anger

Ecclesiastes 7:9 Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.

1. Fear

Those things that we fear in life also fuel our anger. A good example when I was a school teacher I also had a fear of heights. My children regularly helped me remember that.

How did I react? I got angry.

1. Frustration

A good example of frustration would be the Cleveland Browns. They seem to be improving and then they make for trades or changes that keep them unsuccessful.

1. Hurt

A good example here would be when someone says something that crosses your boundaries and hurts. You could also be something they forget to do like remember an anniversary or a birthday.

Treatment

• That’s why it’s so vital for us to learn how to recognize the warning signs (and put a stop to it) when those feelings first begin.
• The communication highway helps with anger management
• When a person feels hurt, they should speak in terms of an eye statement. I feel . . . . when . . . . .

The listener hears and reflects, validates and empathizes

Prayer
Pray that God helps you with the presence of the fruit of the Spirit

• James 1:19-20 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

Dealing with Anger...God's Way

Transforming Feelings into God's Peace Through Self-Control

Joyce Meyer

We have all experienced anger at some point in our lives, and it can be a real problem. Though it starts as a harmless feeling, it can quickly grow into something dangerous that’s hard to control.

But with God’s help, we can learn how to deal with our feelings and walk in His peace.

I’ll admit, years ago I pretty much did and said anything I felt like. I have a pretty strong personality, so if you said something to upset me, there was a good chance I would let you know about it.

Thank God, over time He changed me through His Word and helped me begin to manage my emotions through the power of His Holy Spirit.

I learned how to operate in self-control, which means I didn’t always say everything I wanted to say. Now, that’s freedom!

Along the way, God also helped me to understand that anger in itself isn’t wrong...

Is It a Sin to Be Angry?

I’ll never forget one particular morning about 25 years ago. I was preparing to go preach at a ladies meeting at my church in St. Louis when my husband Dave and I got into an argument. I admit, I was really mad!

I continued to think angry thoughts and have angry feelings. Then my anger turned into guilt and I thought, How can I possibly go to church and tell others how to conduct their lives according to Scripture if I cannot control my anger?

The feelings of guilt not only continued but they intensified. As the pressure mounted, I started to feel almost frantic when suddenly God spoke to my heart and said:

“Anger is not a sin—it is what you do with it that becomes sin.”

That day God showed me something that was very life-changing for me. He brought me to Ephesians 4:26-27 (AM

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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What started as an idea for one episode covering the 3 Fuels of Anger has become 2 episodes, with Scott pouring out his anger issues for you and Tom to sort out. Who's bright idea was this?

The Session: The 3 Fuels of Anger

Ecclesiastes 7:9 Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.

1. Fear

Those things that we fear in life also fuel our anger. A good example when I was a school teacher I also had a fear of heights. My children regularly helped me remember that.

How did I react? I got angry.

1. Frustration

A good example of frustration would be the Cleveland Browns. They seem to be improving and then they make for trades or changes that keep them unsuccessful.

1. Hurt

A good example here would be when someone says something that crosses your boundaries and hurts. You could also be something they forget to do like remember an anniversary or a birthday.

Treatment

• That’s why it’s so vital for us to learn how to recognize the warning signs (and put a stop to it) when those feelings first begin.
• The communication highway helps with anger management
• When a person feels hurt, they should speak in terms of an eye statement. I feel . . . . when . . . . .

The listener hears and reflects, validates and empathizes

Prayer
Pray that God helps you with the presence of the fruit of the Spirit

• James 1:19-20 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

Dealing with Anger...God's Way

Transforming Feelings into God's Peace Through Self-Control

Joyce Meyer

We have all experienced anger at some point in our lives, and it can be a real problem. Though it starts as a harmless feeling, it can quickly grow into something dangerous that’s hard to control.

But with God’s help, we can learn how to deal with our feelings and walk in His peace.

I’ll admit, years ago I pretty much did and said anything I felt like. I have a pretty strong personality, so if you said something to upset me, there was a good chance I would let you know about it.

Thank God, over time He changed me through His Word and helped me begin to manage my emotions through the power of His Holy Spirit.

I learned how to operate in self-control, which means I didn’t always say everything I wanted to say. Now, that’s freedom!

Along the way, God also helped me to understand that anger in itself isn’t wrong...

Is It a Sin to Be Angry?

I’ll never forget one particular morning about 25 years ago. I was preparing to go preach at a ladies meeting at my church in St. Louis when my husband Dave and I got into an argument. I admit, I was really mad!

I continued to think angry thoughts and have angry feelings. Then my anger turned into guilt and I thought, How can I possibly go to church and tell others how to conduct their lives according to Scripture if I cannot control my anger?

The feelings of guilt not only continued but they intensified. As the pressure mounted, I started to feel almost frantic when suddenly God spoke to my heart and said:

“Anger is not a sin—it is what you do with it that becomes sin.”

That day God showed me something that was very life-changing for

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: The Power of Extending & Receiving Grace

Ephesians 2:8 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God…”

The Impact of Receiving Grace What are the benefits of grace to Christian?

Dr. Gregory Jantz wrote, “But grace is much more than just erasing the past; it is about writing the future. That’s because when we are freed from the thicket of regret, blame, and shame, we can show grace to others in every situation. It’s the ultimate form of “paying it forward.” Only Jesus has already paid our tab..”

What are the benefits of grace to Christian?

According to Sermon Central, Grace brings 10 great benefits to our lives:

• We are SAVED by GRACE. The only way to Heaven is through the doorway of grace. ...
• We're FORGIVEN by GRACE. ...
• We're SUSTAINED by GRACE. ...
• We're HEALED by GRACE. ...
• We're LIBERATED by GRACE. ...
• We're given TALENTS by GRACE. ...
• We're USED by GRACE. ...
• We're KEPT SAVED by GRACE.

Receiving Grace Can Set Us Free

• His grace sets us free from the bondage of the things that hold us back. When we turn to Him, we can experience that kind release and that kind of freedom in our lives. Because of grace, Jesus died on the cross for us. It was the ultimate sacrifice to set us free.

· John 8:32 “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

• Grace is said to set people free from sin and its power, as well as from the punishment of sin. Grace is also said to free people from the bondage of guilt.

The Impact of Extending Grace

Marion Star said, “Grace gives us a new life which is not condemned by God. Through God's grace we are forgiven, transforming our thinking, resulting in the renewal of our mind and heart. Through grace we live the kind of life that God would like every one of His children to experience. “

Grace leads to peace

• 2 Peter 1 says, “Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our love Lord. His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness” (vs. 2-3)

Rev. J Street wrote, “The definition of grace could be “God's life, power and righteousness given to us by unmerited favor.” It is through grace that God works effective change in our hearts and lives. Grace gives us a new life which is not condemned by God. Through God's grace we are forgiven, transforming our thinking, resulting in the renewal of our mind and heart.”

Ephesians 4:29 NIV

• Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen,”

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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Sorry, no show notes for this one. This is the first of a two-episode conversation I had with my daughter, Erin about her daughter, Allison. My hope is that our conversation raises awareness about just how truly beautiful and special kids with exceptionalities are, and that they have a role in our world today.

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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Sorry, no show notes for this one. This is the first of a two-episode conversation I had with my daughter, Erin about her daughter, Allison. My hope is that our conversation raises awareness about just how truly beautiful and special kids with exceptionalities are, and that they have a role in our world today.

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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The Session: How We Are Different Because of Faith

And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him." (Hebrews 11:6)

We Will be More Confident

• The writer of Hebrews 11:1-2 explains faith like this, “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for.”
• We are more confident in our decisions

We will have a Godly Worldview

• By faith, we understand that the universe was formed at God‘s command so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible
• We will by face put confidence in Psalm 139:13 “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb"

We Will Be More at Peace

• II Corinthians 12:9,
• “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.’” So when we are weak in our faith our God is made strong.

We will be confident to Do More Challenging Things

• Paul writes in Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through him who gives me strength.”
• Psalm 46:1 is also an encouragement when we face struggles, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

We will have more faith when God appears silent

Isaiah 55:8-9 tells us, “‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.’”

Joyce Meyer writes, “The tendency to want to know about everything that's going on can be detrimental to your Christian walk. Sometimes knowing everything can be uncomfortable and can even hurt you.”

How are we better or different physically emotionally and spiritually because of Faith

Mental and emotional impact:

• Faith can provide a sense of comfort, purpose, and support, which can mitigate stress and anxiety, leading to positive physical outcomes.
• No direct physical alteration: There's no scientific evidence that faith itself directly changes the structure or function of the human body on a biological level.
• Individual variations: The impact of faith on physical health can differ greatly based on personal beliefs, practices, and individual circumstances.

In Counselling the Culturally Diverse Theory and Practice (2016), it says, “it appears that people require faith as well as reason to be healthy and that psychology may profit from allowing the spirit to re-join matters of the mind and body.” It seems that society is seeing the importance of the Spirit as well. His ways are not our ways.”

Events like this happen so that God can grow our faith. It is important that we approach them with patience.

Action Point

It is important that we grow our faith in God’s timing. To do that we also have to grow our trust in Him.

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

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How is it that teenagers seem to be able to stay up until all hours? It's NOT a good thing. This week, we talk about why on The Session.

Psalm 4:8: In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.

From Health Day.com:

Studies shows that if you can get teens to go to bed earlier, they will increase their time asleep by 41 minutes for each additional hour in bed.

Dr. Ian Campbell from UC Irvine, said as children enter adolescence, changes in sleep and circadian rhythms make it easy for teens to stay awake longer at night. Less sleep results in daytime sleepiness, poor school performance, and behavioral and mental health problems.

Dr. Sanjeev Kothare, chief of pediatric neurology at Cohen Children's Medical Center in New Hyde Park, N.Y. said 90% of the time it's not only biological, but also environment.”

Dr. Kothare also said the circadian shift happens (in adolescence) but, unfortunately, all the electronics and social media and the technology keeps teens occupied for longer durations.”

From Focus on Family

Just how much is adequate sleep? It varies from person to person, but research suggests that the average teen needs at least 8.5 to 9.25 hours of sleep each night. Unfortunately, only about 15 percent of them are getting that much. About one fourth of the teen population gets 6.5 hours of sleep or less.

Focus on the Family also reports; It should come as no surprise that inadequate sleep can hurt a student’s academic performance. Drowsiness at school is linked to lower grades. And sleepiness can lead to more tragic results when a teenager is behind the wheel. Young drivers (under age 25) are involved in more than half of the 100,000 automobile crashes every year directly related to fatigue, lapses in attention, and delayed response time associated with drowsiness.

Focus on the Family Tips:

1. Help your teen establish regular times for going to bed and getting up. When he deviates from his normal schedule (as on weekends), he should avoid delaying bedtime by more than an hour and waking more than two hours later than usual.

2. Help your teen determine how much sleep he actually needs in order to feel refreshed and ready to start the day. Remember that this is different for each person.

3. Getting into bright light as soon as possible in the morning and avoiding it in the evening is wise at any age. Light signals the brain that it’s time to be awake.

4. Once your teen knows his body’s rhythm, he should try to adjust his schedule so that he is engaged in activities that are best suited to his level of alertness. In other words, he shouldn’t drive or attend lectures when he tends to be sleepy.

5. Discourage the consumption of caffeine in the afternoon. It can interfere with nighttime sleeping patterns.

6. Keep televisions, computers, and mobile devices out of your teen’s bedroom. Their late-night use is a regular cause of sleep loss for young people.

7. Encourage your teen to relax and avoid stimulating activities before going to bed

8. Examine your own sleep habits and try to set a good example. Do you burn the candle at both ends and then fight drowsiness much of the time? If so, make whatever changes are necessary to model the healthy sleeping patterns you want your son to imitate.

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How do our kids learn how to behave around the opposite sex? How do you as a parent develop a strong relationship with your child? The Mother-Son/Daddy-Daughter Date!

Proverbs 1:8

Hear, my son, your father’s instruction And do not forsake your mother’s teaching;

A Mothers Love for Her Son

· Love is patient even when explaining the same thing for the hundredth time.

· Love is kind when family members are sick and can’t care for themselves.

· Love doesn’t want what others have or promote itself, and it teaches children to do the same.

· Your mother’s love seeks to bring honor, not dishonor to your children and spouse. You bite your tongue when you know your temper is short and forgive an unlimited number of times.

Christianity Today’s article:

Little Girls Need Their Daddy.” Billy (Graham) was away from home more than not. The article quotes Billy’s oldest daughter, Gigi, and his youngest, Ruth:

· Gigi: “It’s very difficult for me to separate who he was as a person and as a father. He belonged to the world. But I do remember crying in the bathtub, wishing I had a normal daddy.”

· Ruth: “He parented me from a distance. . . . He loved us, but he just wasn’t around.” Looking back, Ruth says, her remarrying quickly after her first divorce, against her parents’ wishes, was because “I was just so eager for someone to take care of me.”

· Gigi: “A lot of my insecurities came from the fact that he just wasn’t there.”

· Ruth: “I have a lot of insecurities and lack of self-confidence perhaps because little girls need their daddy. . . . They say your view of God is shaped by your view of your father. I guess I saw God that way — that he loved me, but that he was busy with more important things.”

Perhaps you would say, with Billy Graham’s daughters, with tears in your eyes, “Yes, little girls need their daddy. Little girls need a mommy’s specific love and kindness, a mommy’s way of nourishing and cherishing. And little girls need a daddy’s specific love and kindness, a daddy’s way of nourishing and cherishing.”

Mark 5:41: Taking her by the hand He said to her, “Talitha cumi” which means, “Little girl, I say to you, arise.”

Little girl” (verse 41) are expressions of a tender, affectionate, even protective fatherly heart.

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In this episode from earlier this year, Tom & Scott welcome in Jeff & Donna Heck.  Together they discuss a hard topic, suicide.  33 Forever is a non-profit created by Jeff & Donna Heck, after their 33-year old daughter, Dani, committed suicide.  They connect people fighting with depression, suicidal thoughts and other mental health issues with the care they need. 
On today's episode, you'll hear about their goal to normalize talking about mental health issues, and their passion to get people the help they need.
Their website is http://www.33forever.life          facebook.com/33foreverinc
If you need help, call the suicide help line at 988, or text 741741  

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Whether you are sending your kids to college, to marriage, or to life, this episode can help. Tom & Scott also discuss the obvious question...how long do you wait before turning their room into a man cave?

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Ephesians 6:10

Breathe.

Seriously. Inhale and exhale. Take a moment. Grab some quiet time. Saying goodbye for the first time is a life-changing, epic moment, but the world isn’t ending. No one is dying. Even though your heart might be telling you otherwise.

Accept what you can’t control.

It’s been your job to protect and nurture and create a safe, loving environment for your kids. Sending them out in the world can be terrifying…but you’ve had 18 years to teach them.

Concentrate on what you did right.

Did I ingrain in him to stay pure, make good decisions, and put the Lord first? Did he realize that sometimes what seemed like small choices came with huge consequences?

Over the years, you’ve done more right than wrong. Make a list of your strengths as a parent and trust that your words and actions have made a positive impact—even if you don’t see the results quite yet.

Open lines of communication.

If you’ve never felt comfortable being open and honest with your child, now’s the time to start. It isn’t too late to begin a dialogue, even if your only in-depth discussions thus far have been about your fantasy football draft. Make yourself available. Don’t waste your chance to deepen your relationship. From here on out, your relationship will supersede any rules you’ve laid down. FaceTime and Zoom can be wonderful!

Be a safe place.

We all need shelter from the storms of life. Somewhere to vent. Somewhere to turn in a moment of confusion or panic or crisis. Somewhere to feel loved and safe. Especially when we’re out on our own for the first time. And the cool thing is, regardless of the miles between you and your child, you’re a text or a phone call away.

Have a plan

Make a plan in the event something goes wrong at school.

Make a prayer list.

Because it’s sometimes hard to breathe, accept what you can’t control, concentrate on what you did right, open the door for communication, make a plan, and be your kid’s safe place, take it to God. When you feel lost or worried or afraid or out of control, God doesn’t.

Given Time, Plan Ahead! Prepare Them

· Give them more ownership when they are under your roof

· Develop a budget skill in them

· After giving ownership celebrate their success!

· If they have a car, teach them that it also needs oil

After your child is in college and you are home missing your child.

· It’ll be very therapeutic to go through your photo album and reminisce some of the memories with that child.

· On some smart phones, there is an app to make a video with music. That could be helpful.

Scott’s question. How long DO you wait before you make changes to their room? Could this have some negative impact on them when they do come home to do laundry or for Christmas break?

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In this "best of" episode from 2019, there's a new sheriff in town, and he says there are ways to behave on the hiway of communication in your marriage.  There are rules of the road to keep the lanes of communication open.  Tom (the sheriff) & Scott (Barney Fife to Tom's Sheriff Andy Taylor) talk about the importance of keeping the lanes of communication open in your marriage.

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Exercise, A Definite Treatment For Depression and Anxiety (aka how to put Tom out of business)
Is Scott really trying to put Tom out of business by discussing how exercise can replace therapy as a treatment for depression and anxiety? You decide.

Matthew 6:33

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Research by the University of South Australia

Occurrence

· Millions of people are reporting depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions

Study in the British Journal Of Sports Medicine

· Reviewed more than 1000 research trials examining the effects of physical activity

· It showed exercise is more effective than medication or counseling

· 150 minutes per week of various types of physical activity, such as brisk, walking, lifting weights, and aerobics, (SWIMMING???) can make a huge difference with depression, anxiety and psychological distress

· Depression showed the most gains with exercise

· Research also supported the more intense, the work out, the better the results

· Long-term exercising is good for one’s mental health

Benefits from Exercise Versus Medication

· Less expensive (WAIT WHAT? HOW…)

· Fewer side effects

· Improved health

· Improved body weight

· Improved cardiovascular system

· Improved Bone Health

· Improved cognitive functioning

Why It Works

· Endorphins and dopamine are released in the brain. There's Scott little friends again...

· Dopamine, Noradrenaline and Serotonin are released in the brain

Other Helps

· The systems approach to treatment, impacting a relationship, impacts the depression

· Improved Lifestyle

· Better self talk

· Improved self-concept

· Eating a Balanced Diet

· Developing a support system around you

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The Session: Having a sense of purpose may have an impact on teens emotional well being. (aka the "DUH" show)

Study by UI indicates a sense of purpose may have significant impact on teens, emotional well-being

Jeremiah 29: 11-13

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

The definition of purpose is “The reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.”

Research by Kaylin Ratner at the University of Illinois Urbana Champaign found what we already know from scripture. In this case she studied teens 14-19. Those who have a tendency to have a purpose in life tend to be more satisfied with their lives and experience more positive emotions and fewer negative emotions.

Key elements in the study:

Teens 14-19 years old who scored high on having a purpose were more satisfied with their lives and experienced more positive emotions and fewer negative emotions.

When teens felt more purposeful than usual, they also tended to experience greater well being.

The study appeared to show that teens with autistic traits tended to report higher levels of negative feelings, and lower levels of life satisfaction and positive feelings from day to day. WHY?

That’s the world’s view. Now let’s look at purpose from God’s point of view.

It is important that we find God’s purpose for our lives.

Ephesians 2:10

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

Vision / Calling

It is important that we ask why am I here? (DID YOU MEAN, “IS IT IMPORTANT TO ASK WHY AM I HERE?)

Through Scripture, CAN WE discover why God created me?

Psalm 139:13-16

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb. I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day.

1.Come to Jesus

Your highest purpose and calling have nothing to do with your job or education or marital status. Your highest calling is simply Jesus. He calls us to Himself.

2. Be faithful.

The second step in our journey to discover God’s calling and purpose is that we are called to faithfulness.

Paul’s life demonstrates this step perfectly.

He spent ten years in his hometown, waiting for God to reveal the next steps for his life?

1. Enjoy fellowship.

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. —Hebrews 10:24-25

Discussion questions to ponder:

At what age do children/teens typically begin developing a sense of purpose? At what age should we be concerned about our child’s LACK of purpose?

How do we help teens find a purpose in their lives? Is this where we need to join teens in their life, instead of dragging them into ours?

How much interaction should we have in a teen’s life? I mean, shouldn’t they be allowed to figure it out for themselves?

How can we encourage spiritual searching for purpose in a teen’s life without trying to force “religion” down their throats?

How much direction should parents have in the friends teens have? Is that something that really should start in their younger years?

Is our approach to a teen different if the teen has special needs, whether it’s autism, down syndrome, or other developmental challenges?

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Why Should We Protect Our Christian Heritage?
This 4th of July, let's celebrate not only our freedom as a nation, but our freedom in Christ.

Isaiah 61:1

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

Most Founders appear to have been orthodox (or “right-believing”) Christians. Most were baptized, listed on church rolls, married to practicing Christians, and frequent or at least sporadic attenders of services of Christian worship.

Thomas Paine :

“I believe in one God, and no more; and I hope for happiness beyond this life. I believe in the equality of man; and I believe that religious duties consist in doing justice, loving mercy, and in endeavoring to make our fellow-creatures happy.”

John Adams

Raised in the Congregational Church, the established church in his home state of Massachusetts. He said: “The Revolution was in the minds and hearts of the people, a change in their religious sentiments of their duties and obligations.”

Sam Adams

Adams was proud of his Puritan heritage, and emphasized Puritan values in his political career, especially virtue. Samuel Adams, Sr. (1689–1748) was a prosperous merchant and church deacon. He said: “Religion and good morals are the only solid foundation of public liberty and happiness.”

George Washington

During the Revolutionary War, Washington regularly attended services held by military chaplains and local civilian congregations. Often, when he was traveling, Washington would stop for services at whatever church was nearby, regardless of its denomination. Over the course of his life, he is known to have attended services at Presbyterian, Quaker, Roman Catholic, Congregationalist, Baptist, and Dutch Reformed churches.

Washington said: “While we are contending for our own liberty, we should be very cautious not to violate the rights of conscience in others, ever considering that God alone is the judge of the hearts of men, and to him only in this case they are answerable."

Why did the colonists come to America?

They wanted religious freedom and economic opportunity. The United States is a country where individual rights and self-government are important. This has always been true. Colonists first came to America for more freedom.

What is currently the belief of why the colonists came to America?

The New York Times reported traditional values are being taught. However there is great controversy between what is reported and their perspective. Some reports now say the colonists came for economic benefit, and another view is they came for religious freedom.

5 Christian Reminders for the 4th of July

1. The 4th of of July reminds us that our nation was founded by men who recognized God was their Creator.

The 4th of July celebrates the adopting of the Declaration of Independence by Congress on July 4, 1776. The document begins with Thomas Jefferson’s famous words:

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

There’s quite a bit to notice from this one sentence:

The words, “all men are CREATED equal” reveal Thomas Jefferson did not believe in evolution.

Thomas Jefferson believed men have a “Creator.”

With the words, “endowed by their Creator” Thomas Jefferson gave credit to God for the “Rights” we have. He called them “unalienable” because he knew they were given by God and couldn’t be taken away.

2. The 4th of July reminds us of our true freedom.

I’m thankful for independence from Great Britain. But I’m more thankful for the greater independence Jesus has given us from the Law:

Romans 10:4—Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to everyone who believes.

Galatians 3:24-25—Therefore the law was our tutor to bring us to Christ, that we might be justified by faith.But after faith has come, we are no longer under a tutor.

Our independence from the Law motivated Martin Luther to take a stand for the Gospel. The freedom we have as Americans is great, but the infinitely greater freedom we have is from having to be saved by works.

3. The 4th of July reminds us of our dual-citizenship.

I’m thankful for my American citizenship, but I’m even more thankful for my citizenship in heaven:

Ephesians 2:19—So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God.

Philippians 3:19—But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ

Hebrews 11:16—But as it is, [the heroes of the faith] desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.

4. The 4th of July reminds us of the freedoms we can yield.

Paul said Christians should see themselves as slaves:

1 Corinthians 6:19-20—Do you not know that you are not your own? You were bought at a price; therefore, glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.

In becoming Christians we’ve chosen to give up our freedom to live for Christ (see also Romans 6:6, 1 Corinthians 7:22, Ephesians 6:6). This entails giving up some of our freedoms for our brothers and sisters in Christ:

Romans 14:21—It is good neither to eat meat nor drink wine nor do anything by which your brother stumbles or is offended or is made weak.

1 Corinthians 8:13—Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never again eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble.

As Christians we need not demand our freedoms. Instead, we can yield them at times for the benefit of others.

5. The 4th of July reminds us of the sacrifices that were made for our freedom.

We think about the sacrifices countless soldiers who have lost their lives, and I don’t want to minimize their sacrifices remotely. Without their bravery we wouldn’t have many of the blessings we enjoy today.

But we should think about the greatest sacrifice that was made for our freedom. There is a common saying: “Freedom isn’t free.” To enjoy the freedom we have in our country, people had to pay for it. Likewise, someone had to pay for the freedoms we enjoy from the Law and the punishment our sins deserve:

Philippians 2:6-8 [Jesus] being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God,but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.

In John 10:18 [Jesus said], “No one takes [My life] from Me, but I lay it down of Myself.” Jesus was saying, “I have the freedom to keep my life, but I’m willing to give it up for you.”

As Christians we enjoy many wonderful freedoms. Let’s be reminded of them each 4th of July, recognizing it’s only because of Jesus’ willingness to give up His freedom for us.

SCOTT’S CLOSE: So why do we need to protect our Christian heritage? Because it’s what our founders founded the country on. Because God gave our founders the courage and faith to move forward when many said they couldn’t. To deny our Christian heritage is to deny the truth of our founding documents.

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Burnout - Exhausted, Too Pooped to Pop, Wiped Out, Lost Your "Umph". However you describe it, burnout is a real thing. This week, we help you get your Get-Up-And-Go back.

Jeremiah 31:25

I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.

Burn out is a psychological syndrome, emerging as a prolonged response to chronic interpersonal stressors on the job. Three key symptoms are overwhelming exhaustion, feelings of cynicism and detachment from the job. It’s also common to feel a sense of ineffectiveness and lack of accomplishment.

Personal burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It occurs when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally, drained, and unable to meet constant demands. It also occurs when an individual doesn’t have enough time to be physically active or able to spend adequate time resting mentally. Not having time to respect and care for one’s own emotional health will also lead to burnout.

BURNOUT…FROM HARVARD BUSINESS REVIEW

For years, it was believed that everyone reacted to chronic workplace stress in the same way. But research has revealed that burnout manifests itself in different ways depending on a person’s work environment as well as their internal resources, including dedication to their job and coping mechanisms.

Let’s take a closer look at the three types of burnout and how you can overcome each one.

Overload Burnout

Overload burnout occurs when you work harder and more frantically to achieve success, often to the detriment of your health and personal life. This is the type of burnout that most people are familiar with, and it’s also the most common.

Overload burnout typically affects highly dedicated employees who feel obligated to work at an unsustainable pace. As a result, they drive themselves to the point of physical and mental exhaustion.

Professionals with overload burnout tend to cope by venting their emotions to others (i.e. complaining about how tired and overwhelmed they are). This subtype is also quick to jump into problem-solving mode, creating more work and responsibility for themselves, which only exacerbates their stress.

Signs to watch out for:

• You overlook your own needs or personal life to fulfill work demands

• You invest more than is healthy in your commitment to your career or ambitions

• You endanger your well-being to achieve your goals.

How to address it:

Researchers note that the way out of overload burnout is two-fold. First, it’s important to develop stronger emotion regulation skills, such as naming and processing your emotions and reframing negative self-talk. For instance, you could reframe the belief that you need to work all the time to be successful to “enjoying my life helps me become more successful.” After all, resting is not a reward for success. It’s a prerequisite for performance.

Second, it’s crucial to separate your self-worth from your work. “Consequently, by learning to keep a certain distance from work…,” researchers Jesús Montero-Marín and Javier García-Campayo write, “individuals could avoid excessive involvement and prevent burnout.”

Strive to diversify your identity — to create self-complexity — by investing in different areas of your life beyond work. You might decide to devote time to your role as a spouse, parent, or friend. During the pandemic, one of my clients restored an old identity by renewing his pilot’s license. Volunteering with the Civil Air Patrol proved to be a healthy forcing function to get away from his computer, while also contributing to his sense of well-being.

Under-Challenged Burnout

You might be surprised to find out that burnout can result from doing too little. Under-challenged burnout could be considered the opposite of the overload subtype. It occurs when you’re bored and not stimulated by your job, which leads to a lack of motivation. People with under-challenged burnout may feel underappreciated and become frustrated because their role lacks learning opportunities, room for growth, or meaningful connection with co-workers and leadership.

Workers who feel their tasks are monotonous and unfulfilling tend to lose passion and become cynical and lethargic. They cope with the stress of being under-challenged through avoidance — distraction, dissociation, or thought suppression (i.e. ordering themselves to “Stop thinking about that”).

Signs to watch out for:

• You would like to work on assignments and tasks that are more challenging

• You feel your job does not offer you opportunities to develop your abilities

• You feel that your current role is hampering your ability to advance and develop your talents

How to address it:

When you’re demoralized, it can be hard to care about much of anything. Lower the stakes ( lower expectations) by simply exploring your curiosities. Set a goal to learn a new skill in the next 30 days to kickstart your motivation. Start small and don’t overwhelm yourself. Perhaps you spend an hour or two a week learning to code or devote 20 minutes a day practicing a new language.

Making strides towards something that feels fun and meaningful to you creates a flywheel of momentum that can lift you out of a funk. Even if the skill isn’t directly related to your job, you’ll likely find that the positive energy spills over to reinvigorate your passion for your work — or that it inspires your career to move in a new direction.

You might also try job crafting to turn the job you have into the one you want. Again, baby steps are key. Focusing on incremental changes can add up to big results. Take my client, Alice, a product management lead. As the pandemic wore on, she increasingly felt underchallenged by her role, which mostly comprised of team performance management. So, I gave her an assignment. For two weeks, she tracked what tasks created the most psychological flow. A clear pattern emerged: Talking to customers lit her up, as did solving challenging workflow problems. Alice’s manager was ecstatic when she proposed a new research project combining those skill sets to innovate the company’s core product.

Neglect burnout

The final type of burnout is the worn-out subtype. This is also called neglect burnout, because it can result from feeling helpless in the face of challenges. Neglect burnout occurs when you aren’t given enough structure, direction, or guidance in the workplace. You may find it difficult to keep up with demands or otherwise feel unable to meet expectations. Over time, this can make you feel incompetent, frustrated, and uncertain.

The worn-out worker copes through learned helplessness, which occurs when a person feels unable to find solutions to difficult situations — even when ones are available. In other words, people with learned helplessness tend to feel incapable of making any positive difference in their circumstances. In other words, when things at work don’t turn out as they should, those with neglect burnout become passive and stop trying.

Signs to watch out for:

• You stop trying when work situations don’t go as planned

• You give up in response to obstacles or setbacks you face at work

• You feel demoralized when you get up in the morning and have to face another day at work

How to address it:

Find ways to regain a sense of agency over your role. Try creating a to-don’t list. What can you get off your plate by outsourcing, delegating, or delaying? Look for obligations you need to say “no” to all together and hone the skill of setting stronger boundaries. A great place to start is by identifying situations where you feel an intense sense of resentment. This is an emotional signal that you need to put healthier limits in place.

Likewise, consider talking to your boss about your workload. You could explain how you’re currently spending your time and ask, “Are my priorities consistent with yours? What would you like me to change?” Or, “If we could take Project A off of my plate, then I’d have more time to focus on our team’s strategic priorities and ultimately deliver on the key goals we’ve evaluated against.” Your manager will likely be thrilled you’re thinking about the big picture and taking initiative.

Most importantly, focus on what you can control. Outside of office hours, be bullish about self-care. Create routines and rituals that ground you, such as a daily walk or journaling practice. When you feel helpless about changing tides at work, some semblance of predictability is essential.

. . .

Because people don’t burn out in the exact same way or for the exact same reasons, it’s important to identify the type of burnout that you may be facing. You may even be dealing with a mix of one or two of these types at the same time. Determining where you’re at makes it easier to find targeted solutions to solve the specific challenges ahead of you.

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Burnout - Fried, Wiped Out, Exhausted, Too Pooped to Pop, My Get-Up-And-Go has Got-Up-And-Went...however you want to say it, burnout is a real thing!

Jeremiah 31:25

I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.

Burn out is a psychological syndrome, emerging as a prolonged response to chronic interpersonal stressors on the job. Three key symptoms are overwhelming exhaustion, feelings of cynicism and detachment from the job. It’s also common to feel a sense of ineffectiveness and lack of accomplishment.

Personal burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It occurs when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally, drained, and unable to meet constant demands. It also occurs when an individual doesn’t have enough time to be physically active or able to spend adequate time resting mentally. Not having time to respect and care for one’s own emotional health will also lead to burnout.

BURNOUT…FROM HARVARD BUSINESS REVIEW

For years, it was believed that everyone reacted to chronic workplace stress in the same way. But research has revealed that burnout manifests itself in different ways depending on a person’s work environment as well as their internal resources, including dedication to their job and coping mechanisms.

Let’s take a closer look at the three types of burnout and how you can overcome each one.

Overload Burnout

Overload burnout occurs when you work harder and more frantically to achieve success, often to the detriment of your health and personal life. This is the type of burnout that most people are familiar with, and it’s also the most common.

Overload burnout typically affects highly dedicated employees who feel obligated to work at an unsustainable pace. As a result, they drive themselves to the point of physical and mental exhaustion.

Professionals with overload burnout tend to cope by venting their emotions to others (i.e. complaining about how tired and overwhelmed they are). This subtype is also quick to jump into problem-solving mode, creating more work and responsibility for themselves, which only exacerbates their stress.

Signs to watch out for:

• You overlook your own needs or personal life to fulfill work demands

• You invest more than is healthy in your commitment to your career or ambitions

• You endanger your well-being to achieve your goals.

How to address it:

Researchers note that the way out of overload burnout is two-fold. First, it’s important to develop stronger emotion regulation skills, such as naming and processing your emotions and reframing negative self-talk. For instance, you could reframe the belief that you need to work all the time to be successful to “enjoying my life helps me become more successful.” After all, resting is not a reward for success. It’s a prerequisite for performance.

Second, it’s crucial to separate your self-worth from your work. “Consequently, by learning to keep a certain distance from work…,” researchers Jesús Montero-Marín and Javier García-Campayo write, “individuals could avoid excessive involvement and prevent burnout.”

Strive to diversify your identity — to create self-complexity — by investing in different areas of your life beyond work. You might decide to devote time to your role as a spouse, parent, or friend. During the pandemic, one of my clients restored an old identity by renewing his pilot’s license. Volunteering with the Civil Air Patrol proved to be a healthy forcing function to get away from his computer, while also contributing to his sense of well-being.

Under-Challenged Burnout

You might be surprised to find out that burnout can result from doing too little. Under-challenged burnout could be considered the opposite of the overload subtype. It occurs when you’re bored and not stimulated by your job, which leads to a lack of motivation. People with under-challenged burnout may feel underappreciated and become frustrated because their role lacks learning opportunities, room for growth, or meaningful connection with co-workers and leadership.

Workers who feel their tasks are monotonous and unfulfilling tend to lose passion and become cynical and lethargic. They cope with the stress of being under-challenged through avoidance — distraction, dissociation, or thought suppression (i.e. ordering themselves to “Stop thinking about that”).

Signs to watch out for:

• You would like to work on assignments and tasks that are more challenging

• You feel your job does not offer you opportunities to develop your abilities

• You feel that your current role is hampering your ability to advance and develop your talents

How to address it:

When you’re demoralized, it can be hard to care about much of anything. Lower the stakes ( lower expectations) by simply exploring your curiosities. Set a goal to learn a new skill in the next 30 days to kickstart your motivation. Start small and don’t overwhelm yourself. Perhaps you spend an hour or two a week learning to code or devote 20 minutes a day practicing a new language.

Making strides towards something that feels fun and meaningful to you creates a flywheel of momentum that can lift you out of a funk. Even if the skill isn’t directly related to your job, you’ll likely find that the positive energy spills over to reinvigorate your passion for your work — or that it inspires your career to move in a new direction.

You might also try job crafting to turn the job you have into the one you want. Again, baby steps are key. Focusing on incremental changes can add up to big results. Take my client, Alice, a product management lead. As the pandemic wore on, she increasingly felt underchallenged by her role, which mostly comprised of team performance management. So, I gave her an assignment. For two weeks, she tracked what tasks created the most psychological flow. A clear pattern emerged: Talking to customers lit her up, as did solving challenging workflow problems. Alice’s manager was ecstatic when she proposed a new research project combining those skill sets to innovate the company’s core product.

Neglect burnout

The final type of burnout is the worn-out subtype. This is also called neglect burnout, because it can result from feeling helpless in the face of challenges. Neglect burnout occurs when you aren’t given enough structure, direction, or guidance in the workplace. You may find it difficult to keep up with demands or otherwise feel unable to meet expectations. Over time, this can make you feel incompetent, frustrated, and uncertain.

The worn-out worker copes through learned helplessness, which occurs when a person feels unable to find solutions to difficult situations — even when ones are available. In other words, people with learned helplessness tend to feel incapable of making any positive difference in their circumstances. In other words, when things at work don’t turn out as they should, those with neglect burnout become passive and stop trying.

Signs to watch out for:

• You stop trying when work situations don’t go as planned

• You give up in response to obstacles or setbacks you face at work

• You feel demoralized when you get up in the morning and have to face another day at work

How to address it:

Find ways to regain a sense of agency over your role. Try creating a to-don’t list. What can you get off your plate by outsourcing, delegating, or delaying? Look for obligations you need to say “no” to all together and hone the skill of setting stronger boundaries. A great place to start is by identifying situations where you feel an intense sense of resentment. This is an emotional signal that you need to put healthier limits in place.

Likewise, consider talking to your boss about your workload. You could explain how you’re currently spending your time and ask, “Are my priorities consistent with yours? What would you like me to change?” Or, “If we could take Project A off of my plate, then I’d have more time to focus on our team’s strategic priorities and ultimately deliver on the key goals we’ve evaluated against.” Your manager will likely be thrilled you’re thinking about the big picture and taking initiative.

Most importantly, focus on what you can control. Outside of office hours, be bullish about self-care. Create routines and rituals that ground you, such as a daily walk or journaling practice. When you feel helpless about changing tides at work, some semblance of predictability is essential.

. . .

Because people don’t burn out in the exact same way or for the exact same reasons, it’s important to identify the type of burnout that you may be facing. You may even be dealing with a mix of one or two of these types at the same time. Determining where you’re at makes it easier to find targeted solutions to solve the specific challenges ahead of you.

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Connecting With Your Family. Taken From Five Out-Of-The-Box Ways To Connect As A Family By All Pro Dads And Proverbs 31

Deuteronomy 6:4-9

Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God is one Lord; and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words which I command you today shall be on your heart; you shall teach them diligently to your children…And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Schedule your time together

The best way to ensure a family stays connected is to plan it on the calendar before scheduling any other commitments.

Put away technology

The distraction of technology can be an issue for both parents and kids, so have a designated spot for all devices when it’s time for family fun. This removes the temptation to check e-mail or Facebook during your special time together, and shifts the focus to real life interaction (which seems to be a lost art!)

Make A Family Playlist

This teaches honoring to our children

Shovel a driveway, or mow a yard for someone elderly or disabled

This is a great experience for children. It teaches service to others, and loving others as yourself.

Schedule a children’s no rules night

This has the potential as long as it safe to be a lot of fun and empowering to children.

Connect in prayer and Bible study

This will be very important. It has the potential for success if prayer and Bible study is relevant to what’s happening in the children’s world.

Do a ministry or service project

Like the mowing or snow shoveling, this is a great opportunity to help our children. Focus on others and they’re calling before God.

https://www.allprodad.com/5-out-box-family-connection-ideas/

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Hebrews 10:22 says:

“Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.”

Guilt is aversive and—like shame, embarrassment, or pride—has been described as a self-conscious emotion, involving reflection on oneself.

Guilt is a set of feelings that are associated with an action that I must have done something wrong. Guilt can be:

· Doing something that I knew was wrong.

· It could be NOT doing some I believe I should have done.

· Guilt is often related to remorse, regret and shame.

Guilt is often associated with shame.

· Guilt is associated with something I did.

· Shame is a set of feelings associated with, There must be something wrong with me.

Surviving Holiday Guilt Trips from Parents and In-Laws

Jenna D. Barry:

Healthy family relationships are based on love, mutual respect, freedom and honesty—not guilt, obligation and entitlement.”

Godgirl Blog:

Change comes from a variety of sources, and one of the most powerful ones is having a friend or family member in your life who can model what healthy, grace-filled living looks like. The Bible is the most powerful source of wisdom, with endless stories of God’s mercy and love towards flawed people. But God also uses the people in our lives to teach us. As His mouthpieces.

Christian Counselors of Morrisville:

How to Navigate a Guilt Trip:

1. Recognize your feeling of guilt (anger, sadness) when it comes on.

During an encounter with your friend or loved one do you feel like you’ve been coerced into doing something you did not want to do in the first place? Do you feel that if you say “no” it will damage the relationship?

2. Understand that you are being manipulated.

More than likely this guilt tripper has done this to you (and probably others) before. They have not been called out on it and get what they want if they lump on the guilt. Unfortunately, the guilt tripper has learned how to manipulate others rather than going about getting their needs met in a healthy way.

3. Acknowledge that this feeling of guilt means that a boundary needs to be set in place.

It is not healthy for you to harbor negative feelings towards another person. After so long, the guilt trippee can begin to become bitter towards the guilt tripper. In order to prevent further damage to the relationship it is going to require you to do something different.

4. Clearly express your feelings and put up your boundary.

Here comes the meat and potatoes of Communication 101 in counseling…You are going to have to “confront” your guilt tripper. Many struggle with the concept of confrontation. Understand that confrontation when done in a healthy beneficial way is not becoming loud and/or violent. Anger is not a sin. However, how you handle your anger can be. Begin with an “I statement”. “I feel __________ when you ___________.”

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The show notes are pretty short. Our conversation was intentionally designed to be a free-flowing one. Links to Josh's website and others are at the bottom of the notes.
The Session-Scott, Tom & Josh-Warrior’s Respite

Intro-where faith, life, and warriors connect

Tom share about what Heritage is, please include the spiritual component

Josh share about what Warrior’s Respite is, please include the spiritual component.

What causes PTSD? Josh, were you ever told what caused your case?

How does the military and the VA handle it?

Tom, from a counseling perspective, how do you approach PTSD cases in vets?

Josh, do you do counseling with the vets as you go through Warrior’s Respite or REBOOT, or do you refer to counselors?

Tom and Josh: From your own perspectives, share how you use the hope of the Gospel in your programs.

www.warriorsrespite.org

www.heritagechristiancounselingministries.com

www.rebootrecovery.com

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Defining the Four Pillars of Nurturing Children (From Focus On The Family)

https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/defining-the-four-pillars-of-nurturing-children/?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=dunham_2022&utm_content=post

A nurturing mom provides thorough care that goes deeper than just meeting a child’s physical needs. Defining nurturing in all of its aspects can help parents provide nurturing care that will help their child’s growth and development.

Michelle Beaulaurier, one of nine children, wrote the following to her mother: “I would not be where I am today had you not been where you were! You were my support system, my encourager, my peace, and my challenger to go for it and to use my talents. You were always there to point out my special, God-given talents so that I could reflect upon them and put them into use.”

Michelle’s comments show that her mother provided multifaceted nurturing care for her. This mom undoubtedly went “below the surface” of her daughter’s most apparent needs, meeting her psychological and spiritual needs as well. Unfortunately, many intelligent moms act only on what they see with their eyes and focus only on life’s externals.

A nurturing mom, however, provides the right kind of thorough care that goes deeper. I’m not saying this is easy. Far from it! Daily life requires us to pay close attention to myriad issues. Every day we must decide where our strongest focus should be. We could use more eyes, ears, and intuitiveness — as well as more hours in a day — to address the many details demanding our attention.

Defining the 4 Pillars of Nurturing Children

The right type of nurturing is multifaceted and involves four realms:

1. The physical realm
2. The mental/intellectual realm
3. The emotional/psychological realm
4. The spiritual realm

Defining nurturing in these realms can help us to care for our children more deeply. We need to care for our children in all of these dimensions, but we must realize that the needs are unseen in three of the four realms.

1. The Physical Realm of Nurturing

Defining nurturing in the physical realm is somewhat easy because the needs are visible. Providing shelter, food to eat, and clothes to wear are obvious necessities. Being physically around to drive our children to their activities and attend to their health care are just a few of the needs that present themselves in a straightforward manner.

Yet even in the physical sphere, we can go the extra mile with how we nurture our children. It takes work to prepare the right kinds of food and present them nicely. Have you noticed that in Scripture, so much of what is essential takes place around the table? Let’s not underestimate the value that comes from preparing and sharing food. At our house, we have a large table that can serve 14 to 18 people. We’ve served many dinners and enjoyed meals together with others, which teaches children to go and do likewise in their adult life.

Generally speaking, caring for your child in the physical realm should be done in balance. Too little physical care reflects abuse or selfishness when we consistently ignore our family’s needs in favor of our own. Overindulgence, on the other hand, is just as destructive and leads to us spoiling our kids. Giving our children too many things decreases their appreciation for the benefits of work and reduces their incentive to provide a few things for themselves. Pushing a child to reach for physical perfection by demanding the best in appearance or the top spot at beauty pageants and athletic competitions counteracts healthy nurturing, no matter how well-intentioned the parent may be.

2. The Mental and Intellectual Realm of Nurturing

When we delve beneath the surface of our children’s physical needs, we find the mental realm of nurturing. How do we define nurture when it comes to our kids’ minds?

Studies indicate that parents can affect their child’s IQ, interests, and abilities simply by reading aloud to them. According to early education expert and author Betty Bardige, “Reading aloud to young children is not only one of the best activities to stimulate language and cognitive skills; it also builds motivation, curiosity, and memory.” 1

Research shows that when you read aloud to your children, you expose them to more words, which improves vocabulary, grammar, sentence structure, and general knowledge. Vocabulary is closely related to academic success, and it’s a key area on IQ tests. One study shows that as early as age two, children who are read to regularly display greater language comprehension, larger vocabularies, and higher cognitive skills than their peers. 2

Researchers have also noted a connection between a child’s IQ score and how well that child is attached (or bonded) to his or her mother. One study of 36 middle-class mothers and their three-year-olds discovered that securely attached children scored 12 points higher on the Stanford-Binet Intelligence Scale than insecurely attached children.3

So you see, research continues to prove the all-around importance of good mothering. Moms, you have such an opportunity to enhance your children’s intelligence and even social success. Your role is irreplaceable.

And of course, being involved in your child’s education will be best for your child. Numerous studies prove this too.

3. The Emotional/Psychological Realm of Nurturing

While providing superior educational opportunities is essential, an even deeper need may remain unnurtured in nurturing the psychological or emotional realm. Because many aspects of a child’s identity exist internally, parents often possess a blind spot for these “unseen” dimensions and have trouble defining nurture in these areas.

But unseen doesn’t mean unimportant. Erica Komisar states: “The more emotionally and physically a mother can be present for a child in the first three years, the better the chance that child will be emotionally healthy and mentally well.” 4

Moms, we need to meet this emotional/psychological level of need and can do this in so many ways. We can nurture our children emotionally and psychologically by the words we say to them and the messages we send them through our body language and tone of voice. We can prevent or patch up emotional holes in our children’s hearts by developing the art of nurturing. It takes a lot of unselfish creative work to do it right.

Let’s talk about the heart. Both the physical and the emotional heart are unseen. Each needs to be fed, nurtured, and exercised to grow and function efficiently. Keeping each strong is essential.

When our awareness is heightened, we will find pleasure in doing those seemingly lesser things that strengthen the child’s inner being. Care of the emotional heart allows it to produce healthy fruit. What is flowing out of the heart at your house? Defining how to nurture in this area and making solid emotional connections prevents possible “heart” failure later on in life.

4. The Spiritual Realm of Nurturing

Delving further, we reach the most crucial aspect of a child’s development— a spiritual foundation. Without a relationship with Jesus Christ and following the Creator’s design, who knows best, we live a self-oriented life without true wisdom or direction. Nurturing the spiritual dimension in our children is the most important job we could ever have.

Without a foundation, any house crumbles. Without spiritual development, our lives are incomplete and destined for trouble, to put it mildly. When you follow the nurturing opportunities described in Deuteronomy 6:7 (when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise), you can help your children learn to know and live out the principles of God. Reading bedtime stories and praying together are two natural times to share spiritual tidbits. Driving your kids to the orthodontist, ball practices, or music lessons is a great time for conversation. Maybe you can offer spiritual direction while assembling a puzzle or working on school projects together.

The Ultimate Comfort of Christ

Whenever our children mention fears or worries, we can point them to the ultimate comfort of Christ because we’ve had worries and have been comforted ourselves. One mother whose child had frequent bad dreams used the opportunity to pray with her child, asking for God’s comfort and help in replacing the bad thoughts with good ones. Confidently and continually, the mother helped the child to stay in her own bed, teaching the child to trust and believe in God’s watchful care. What an incredible opportunity we have when we are side by side with our children during this 20-year window of time.

When either a family member or close friend dies or something very traumatic happens in your family, displaying the strength of God through it will help your kids mirror the same. When we seek refuge in God and His perspective, we show our kids how to trust a very big God. He can take us through this trauma. Life isn’t easy: It’s full of trouble, but we have a rock in our God. By nurturing their spiritual development, we give our children the tools to handle all of life.

Does Your Child Feel Nurtured?

Whenever I tried doing too many things when the kids were young, I felt their uneasiness and insecurity. Their responses reminded me to maintain that secure base at home and let go of some of my outside involvements, even though we desperately needed money that I could have earned.

Created to Nurture

I realize that, for many reasons, all women are not mothers. But all women are born to nurture — it’s who we are. In God’s economy, the general plan is that women give birth to babies. He has biologically created us so that the changes in our hormone levels promote bonding to our infants and our desire to care for and nurture our babies when we give birth. As a beautiful feminine creature, you possess unique gifts to nurture. You have the ability to nurture; you just need to make sure your children are feeling nurtured.

When our children feel nurtured, it enables them to thrive and be secure. On the other hand, if they don’t feel nurtured, they feel insecure. That sense of insecurity will lead them to pursue security through different, negative ways, such as alcohol, drugs, sex, pornography, or sexting, leading people to lie, cheat, steal, and do damage. So then, we want to do everything possible to help our kids feel nurtured.

Develop Your Own Self-Esteem

How do we do that? Before you become a mother, one of the best things you can do is develop your own healthy self-esteem. After we become mothers, we need to be sure that our self-esteem source doesn’t depend on our children. When we know who we are and seek guidance and reinforcement from the right places, we won’t force our children into molds they were never designed to fill. That means not forcing them to look good because it will reflect well on us. Children gain the power to be their best when we are free to give sacrificially of ourselves without stipulation or conditions. Sensing our fulfillment, they will model their own healthy self-esteem on ours. And they will feel nurtured.

Remember, your nurturing and giving have a purpose.

Many moms have good intentions and are simply unaware of the nuances of nurturing in those emotional/psychological and spiritual realms. How do we define nurturing? What might we be doing or not doing that gives our children negative feelings and thus negative behavior? It’s good to evaluate from time to time.

Defining Nurture Is a Complex Process

I am overwhelmed when I think of all the ways moms can make an impact. Raising children does take time and effort. Nurturing in each of these realms requires much energy simultaneously.

Defining nurturing is a complex process. But with your inborn nature to nurture, your awareness of each realm, and God to guide you, you can use your gifts to nurture your children well. Remember, your ability to nurture makes good things happen. A nurturing mom’s process creates an environment for a good harvest.

May your children one day do as Proverbs 31:28 says: “Her children rise up and call her blessed.”

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10 Ways We Unintentionally Make Singles Feel Invisible in the Church

By Brenda Rogers, ibelieve.com

I dreaded Sunday; it was my least favorite day of the week. I went to church, but not Bible study because there wasn't a class for me. I sat on the pew alone watching married couples in front of me holding hands. Then I quietly slipped out. After all, I was single.

I was most aware of my singleness when I went to church on Sunday mornings. It was like a sign hung from my neck, tagging me as someone to treat with kid-gloves or to not engage at all.

That was about 10 years ago, and since then, there has been more conversation about singleness in the church. This is good. However, we need to keep this topic in the front of our minds or else we'll miss an entire group of people who need discipling and shepherding just as much as anyone else.

Here are 10 ways we unintentionally make singles feel invisible in the church:

1. Believe They Have Ulterior Motives

After a training session on serving in the children's ministry, I went up to the male speaker to ask a question about what he was teaching us. He was fidgety and short with his answers – obviously uncomfortable. After that awkward interaction, I thought more about it, wondering why he acted that way. Then it hit me – I was a single woman talking to a married man. The room was filled with people, and my question was about the training he presented, but he may have seen me as someone with ulterior motives.

There's no doubt that Christian men and women, single and married, need to be vigilant of snares from the enemy. He is prowling around like a lion waiting to kill, steal, and destroy our families, ministries, and callings. It is prudent and wise to treat interactions with the opposite sex, married or single, differently so that Satan does not get a foothold. However, we cannot operate under the fear that single people always have an ulterior motive when talking to someone of the opposite sex. Single people are not out to find a spouse or steal a spouse no matter the cost. We shouldn't treat them as if they are.

2. Don't Include Them in Sermon Examples

I've sat in church listening to sermons and thought, "What about the people who are single?" I used to be one of those people, and it was disheartening to hear a sermon where the emphasis of all life's struggles centered around being a spouse and parent. When we ignore an entire group of people in our congregations, it shows that we do not see them or understand them.

Pastors and other church leaders, along with the congregation, should make understanding the needs of singles a priority so that they can address their needs in sermons and in other places within the church. This is how we love them. The opportunity is before us to disciple people before they are married so that, by God's grace, they make wise and healthy decisions and build strong marriages and families in the future. To ignore this group of people is a missed opportunity.

Plus, single people can teach married people so much about modern culture that they may not realize in the context of marriage and family. I have found for myself that family life creates a sort of bubble where I become sheltered from issues in the world. Singles can help pop that bubble.

3. Don't Talk to Them Like Adults

Once at a social event, I was the only single woman. As I stood with a group of the women, one of them declared, "We really shouldn't be talking about this with Brenda here." Humiliation covered my face. She put me in a different category and made me feel like a child. The best way to understand singles is to befriend them not out of pity or even mentorship, but out of genuine desire for their friendship. Just treat them like you would any other adult and treat their friendship like any other friendship.

4. Convey the Message that Singleness is a Sin

The message that singleness is a sin is subtle, but it's there. I believe culture has a lot to do with this. The truth is people are waiting longer to get married for self-focused reasons - to travel, get advanced degrees, move up in a career, accumulate wealth, and enjoy the freedom of singleness. However, rushing into marriage or marrying an unequally yoked person can be an act of disobedience just as much as staying single for selfish reasons. Remember, the Bible tells us that people should not be unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14).

The decision to marry or stay single is a matter of the heart. I don't mean the romantic heart, but your heart relationship with Jesus. It's an act of obedience. An act of worship. An act of service. A person's decision to marry is uniquely personal. It will look different as God leads people differently.

The state of singleness itself is not sinful. It does not inherently mean that a person is selfish or wants to date around or sow their oats. After all, Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:38 that a person who stays single does even better than a person who marries.

5. Believe They are Doing Something Wrong or Something is Wrong with Them

People make the most inappropriate statements to single people.

"Why are you still single?"
"Are you dating anyone yet?"
"That biological clock is ticking!"
"You're too pretty to be single!"
"When are you going to get married?"
"Anyone would be lucky to have you."
"You can't be too picky!"
"They're not going to come knocking at your door!"

Comments like these convey the message that something needs to be done. There's a problem to fix, and the single person needs to figure it out and fix it. For someone who is single, and especially someone who is single but wants to be married, these comments are discouraging. Singleness isn't a problem. It's a calling, possibly a seasonal calling, and it's a gift.

6. Assume They are Involved in Sexual Sin

I get it. According to statistics, most singles, even Christian singles in a church congregation, are engaging in premarital sex. However, when we assume that, for instance, a 30-year-old who has been dating someone for a year has to be involved in premarital sex, we diminish the power of the Holy Spirit and what the Word of God tells us.

It is possible to date someone without having sex with them. Is it hard and does it get harder the longer you date? Of course. But we shouldn't charge singles with a sin we assume upon them because of their singleness.

7. Convey the Message that Sanctification Only Comes Through Marriage

We have a tendency in the Western church to put these "rules" around our relationship with God and even put callings He established for us above our relationship with Him. For example, marriage and parenthood are often thought of as the highest callings, when in fact this is nowhere in the Bible. Are they high callings? Yes, extremely high callings. However, singleness is also an extremely high calling.

Our highest calling is to glorify God in all that we say or do (Colossians 3:17) and through this, He wants to sanctify us. Sanctification does not come through one path. It is a process regardless of our season of life.

8. Don't Allow Them to Lead

Singleness does not equal irresponsibility. It also doesn't mean that a person hasn't fully grown up. So it shouldn't limit a person in leadership opportunities in the church. If anything, single people may be in a position to devote more focused attention on leadership roles depending on their other responsibilities. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:32, "The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord." The calling of single people is to seek to please the Lord without distraction. Leadership service is a calling for those who are single.

9. Group Them with the Wrong Age Group

There's nothing worse to be 28 years old and put in a group with college-aged singles or singles in their 50’s, but this happened to me many times when I was single. Often there's not enough singles to make a "singles group," but there doesn't have to be a group just for singles. Single people want to be included with people their own age regardless of their season in life. It's a misconception that single people do not want to interact with family life. This is a missed part of their lives and often welcomed. And on the other side, children especially often benefit from having other adults in their lives.

10. Don't Serve Them

The bottom line is that in general, we're not serving singles well. One of the biggest struggles in singleness is that there's not the support you'd have from a spouse. Many singles do not live close to their parents, siblings, or other family members. They need us to serve them in practical ways but also by befriending them and loving them well. The best way we can serve singles is by treating their lives with the same honor we treat other people's.

----Brenda Rodgers considers herself a “recovering single” after years as a single woman chasing after marriage instead of chasing after Jesus. Now her passion is to mentor young women to live purposefully and grow in their relationship with God and others. Brenda has been married for five years to a heart transplant hero and is the mom of a toddler girl miracle. She is also the author of the eBook, Fall for Him: 25 Challenges from a Recovering Single. You can also read more on Brenda’s blog, www.TripleBraidedLife.com and follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

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Pastor Appreciation Month

The elders who direct the affairs of the church well are worthy of double honor, especially those whose work is preaching and teaching” (1 Timothy 5:17).

Over the years I have made a career out of studying the most challenging management roles out there. After all of that I am now convinced the two most difficult jobs in the world are these—one, to be President of the United States, and two, to be the leader a church. (Leadership guru Peter Drucker)

(From Focus on the Family)

· Pastors and their families live under incredible pressures. Their lives are played out in a fishbowl, with the entire congregation and community watching their every move.

· I They are expected to have ideal families, to be perfect people, to always be available, to never be down and to have all the answers we need to keep our own lives stable and moving forward.

· Those are unrealistic expectations to place on anyone, yet most of us are disappointed when a pastor becomes overwhelmed, seems depressed, lets us down or completely burns out.

· In the spirit of Pastor Appreciation Month, Focus has launched the Focused Pastor. The Focused Pastor is an online dashboard where church leaders can access entire libraries of FREE, proven tools designed to help them manage their churches more effectively. Might be a resource you could share with your Pastor. A couple of key points on the website:

· There is a need for change in the perception of being a pastor to be a positive perception

· Our goal is that every pastor (including staff ministers) and his or her family would feel appreciated by those they serve. To assist congregations in this process, we have developed a planning guide (in both English and Spanish) intended to facilitate and publicize this time of celebration. We also attempt to promote the concept ourselves each year through radio, newspapers, magazines and any other means at our disposal.

In our second week:

Pastor’s Wives Helps from Jessie Minassian author and speaker

· A card

· Offer babysitting

· Send flowers

· Clean her house

· Send her on a romantic getaway with her husband

· Give her a genuine “thank you”

Ideas from Kristine Ensor, freelance writer:

1. Write meaningful cards and messages

2. Place an ad celebrating them

3. Have children make ‘thank you’ art projects and gifts

4. Hold a text event

5. Surprise the pastors with a family trip

6. Add a gift tree

7. Give them a day off

8. Home repair projects

9. Create a video

10. Help them minister to the community

View Details

Pastor Appreciation Month

The elders who direct the affairs of the church well are worthy of double honor, especially those whose work is preaching and teaching” (1 Timothy 5:17).

Over the years I have made a career out of studying the most challenging management roles out there. After all of that I am now convinced the two most difficult jobs in the world are these—one, to be President of the United States, and two, to be the leader a church. (Leadership guru Peter Drucker)

(From Focus on the Family)

· Pastors and their families live under incredible pressures. Their lives are played out in a fishbowl, with the entire congregation and community watching their every move.

· I They are expected to have ideal families, to be perfect people, to always be available, to never be down and to have all the answers we need to keep our own lives stable and moving forward.

· Those are unrealistic expectations to place on anyone, yet most of us are disappointed when a pastor becomes overwhelmed, seems depressed, lets us down or completely burns out.

· In the spirit of Pastor Appreciation Month, Focus has launched the Focused Pastor. The Focused Pastor is an online dashboard where church leaders can access entire libraries of FREE, proven tools designed to help them manage their churches more effectively. Might be a resource you could share with your Pastor. A couple of key points on the website:

· There is a need for change in the perception of being a pastor to be a positive perception

· Our goal is that every pastor (including staff ministers) and his or her family would feel appreciated by those they serve. To assist congregations in this process, we have developed a planning guide (in both English and Spanish) intended to facilitate and publicize this time of celebration. We also attempt to promote the concept ourselves each year through radio, newspapers, magazines and any other means at our disposal.

In our second week:

Pastor’s Wives Helps from Jessie Minassian author and speaker

· A card

· Offer babysitting

· Send flowers

· Clean her house

· Send her on a romantic getaway with her husband

· Give her a genuine “thank you”

Ideas from Kristine Ensor, freelance writer:

1. Write meaningful cards and messages

2. Place an ad celebrating them

3. Have children make ‘thank you’ art projects and gifts

4. Hold a text event

5. Surprise the pastors with a family trip

6. Add a gift tree

7. Give them a day off

8. Home repair projects

9. Create a video

10. Help them minister to the community

View Details

The Session: The Importance of Prayer in Schools, & the importance of prayer in general

I’m thinking we talk about this, but you bring in the psychological impact of prayer on the mind, the body, the spirit.

The most enduring and controversial issue related to school-sponsored religious activities is classroom prayer. In Engel v. Vitale (1962), the Supreme Court held that the Establishment Clause prohibited the recitation of a school-sponsored prayer in public schools.

Freedom Forum Institute: Students are free to pray alone or in groups, as long as such prayers are not disruptive and do not infringe upon the rights of others. But this right “to engage in voluntary prayer does not include the right to have a captive audience listen or to compel other students to participate.” (This is the language supported by a broad range of civil liberties and religious groups in a joint statement of current law.)

What the Supreme Court has repeatedly struck down are state-sponsored or state-organized prayers in public schools.

The Supreme Court has made clear that prayers organized or sponsored by a public school — even when delivered by a student — violate the First Amendment, whether in a classroom, over the public address system, at a graduation exercise, or even at a high school football game.

From Heritage Foundation, in an article by Sarah Parshall Perry:

Coach Joe Kennedy didn’t intend to make a spectacle of himself or set an example. When he began a tradition in 2008 of offering a quiet, midfield prayer after Bremerton High School football games, he surely never thought that he’d be standing on the steps of the Supreme Court in June 2022 after a seven-year battle to regain his job.

The Court has now handed Kennedy a victory, holding that the Bremerton School District in Washington state violated the First Amendment’s Free Exercise and Free Speech Clauses by firing Kennedy for his personal, quiet post-game prayers.

The ruling is significant not just because it reinforces the First Amendment protections guaranteed to government employees, but because it strengthens our nation’s increasingly shaky commitment to pluralism—having diverse religious views or no religious view at all and coexisting in society.

Heritage Foundation, in a report by Jay Greene, PHD and James Paul, “Equity Elementary: Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Staff in Public Schools”

KEY TAKEAWAYS

Chief diversity officers (CDOs), who typically advance a leftist agenda, are spreading beyond college campuses and becoming more common in K–12 districts.

CDOs are prevalent in large school districts—employed in nearly 79 percent of districts with 100,000 or more students—and are expanding in rural districts.

While CDOs are ostensibly hired to help close student achievement gaps, evidence shows that CDOs may increase gaps between white and minority students.

From Pure Flix Insider:

GEORGE WASHINGTON: ON GOD AND LOVE

"I now make it my earnest prayer, that God would have you and the State over which you preside, in his holy protection that he would incline the hearts of the Citizens to cultivate a spirit of subordination and obedience to Government, to entertain a brotherly affection and love for one another, for their fellow Citizens of the United States at large..." -

Washington is speaking about the governors of the new United States. He encourages people, through God, to show love and obedience and to "entertain a brotherly affection."

THOMAS JEFFERSON: INTRIGUE OVER JESUS

"I hold the precepts of Jesus, as delivered by himself, to be the most pure, benevolent, and sublime which have ever been preached to man."

JOHN ADAMS: A PRAYER FOR PRESIDENTS

"I pray heaven to bestow the best of blessings on this house and all that shall hereafter inhabit it. May none but the wise men ever rule under this roof."

In an article, “Founding Fathers on Prayer” at Wall Builders.com, David Barton was interviewed about the National Day of Prayer, and shared these hints on the importance of prayer.

Why is it important that we pray for our country and its peoples?

First, because God tells us to (1 Timothy 2:1-4), and it is important that we obey Him (John 14:15, Acts 5:32). Second, because God answers prayer (Matthew 21:22, John 14:13-14). Third, God honors prayer and turns His attention to those who pray. He takes note of people who pray and His ear remains open to them (such as in 2 Chronicles 7:14). Fourth, prayer not only gives God a vehicle by which He can respond and answer prayers but prayer also changes those who pray, for praying helps us to be God-conscious, and when we are God-conscious as individuals, our behavior is different than if we rarely think about God (Romans 1:28). I think that George Washington incorporated many of these elements when he explained why he called the nation’s first federal day of prayer. According to President Washington, “It is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to be grateful for His benefits, and humbly to implore His protection and favor.”

About five weeks into the Constitutional Convention of 1787 when they were attempting to draft the U. S. Constitution, their efforts were a signal failure. As things were beginning to break up and delegates return home to their states, Franklin challenged them and called them to prayer. He told them:

In this situation of this Assembly, groping as it were in the dark to find political truth, and scarce able to distinguish it when presented to us, how has it happened, sir, that we have not hitherto once thought of humbly applying to the Father of Lights to illuminate our understanding? In the beginning of the contest with Great Britain, when we were sensible of danger, we had daily prayer in this room for the Divine protection. Our prayers, sir, were heard, and they were graciously answered. All of us who were engaged in the struggle must have observed frequent instances of a superintending Providence in our favor. . . . And have we now forgotten that powerful Friend? Or do we imagine we no longer need His assistance? I have lived, sir, a long time, and the longer I live, the more convincing proofs I see of this truth – that God governs in the affairs of men. And if a sparrow cannot fall to the ground without His notice, is it probable that an empire can rise without His aid? We have been assured, sir, in the Sacred Writings, that “except the Lord build the House, they labor in vain that build it.” I firmly believe this; and I also believe that without His concurring aid we shall succeed in this political building no better than the builders of Babel. . . . I therefore beg leave to move that henceforth prayers imploring the assistance of Heaven, and its blessings on our deliberations, be held in this Assembly every morning before we proceed to business.

Notice that Franklin openly acknowledged that their frequent prayers throughout the Revolution had been answered. Hence, America became an independent nation rather than remain a subjugated British colony. That is just one example of how answered prayer changed the course of the nation.

Other delegates agreed. Alexander Hamilton is reported to have declared:

For my own part, I sincerely esteem it a system which without the finger of God never could have been suggested and agreed upon by such a diversity of interests.

James Madison agreed, and reported:

It is impossible for the man of pious reflection not to perceive in it a finger of that Almighty Hand which has been so frequently and signally extended to our relief in the critical stages of the Revolution.

As far as these delegates were concerned, the finger of God – that is, His Divine power – had guided their writing of the Constitution. George Washington (president of the Convention) similarly attested:

As to my sentiments with respect to the merits of the new Constitution, I will disclose them without reserve. . . . It appears to me then little short of a miracle that the delegates from so many different states . . . should unite in forming a system of national government.

Benjamin Rush, a signer of the Declaration from Philadelphia who closely monitored the proceedings, concurred, openly testifying:

I do not believe that the Constitution was the offspring of inspiration, but I am as perfectly satisfied that the Union of the States in its form and adoption is as much the work of a Divine Providence as any of the miracles recorded in the Old and New Testament were the effects of a Divine power.

So, I would point to the independence of America and the creation of its unique Constitution and government as direct answers to prayer.

View Details

The Session: The Importance of Prayer in Schools, & the importance of prayer in general

I’m thinking we talk about this, but you bring in the psychological impact of prayer on the mind, the body, the spirit.

The most enduring and controversial issue related to school-sponsored religious activities is classroom prayer. In Engel v. Vitale (1962), the Supreme Court held that the Establishment Clause prohibited the recitation of a school-sponsored prayer in public schools.

Freedom Forum Institute: Students are free to pray alone or in groups, as long as such prayers are not disruptive and do not infringe upon the rights of others. But this right “to engage in voluntary prayer does not include the right to have a captive audience listen or to compel other students to participate.” (This is the language supported by a broad range of civil liberties and religious groups in a joint statement of current law.)

What the Supreme Court has repeatedly struck down are state-sponsored or state-organized prayers in public schools.

The Supreme Court has made clear that prayers organized or sponsored by a public school — even when delivered by a student — violate the First Amendment, whether in a classroom, over the public address system, at a graduation exercise, or even at a high school football game.

From Heritage Foundation, in an article by Sarah Parshall Perry:

Coach Joe Kennedy didn’t intend to make a spectacle of himself or set an example. When he began a tradition in 2008 of offering a quiet, midfield prayer after Bremerton High School football games, he surely never thought that he’d be standing on the steps of the Supreme Court in June 2022 after a seven-year battle to regain his job.

The Court has now handed Kennedy a victory, holding that the Bremerton School District in Washington state violated the First Amendment’s Free Exercise and Free Speech Clauses by firing Kennedy for his personal, quiet post-game prayers.

The ruling is significant not just because it reinforces the First Amendment protections guaranteed to government employees, but because it strengthens our nation’s increasingly shaky commitment to pluralism—having diverse religious views or no religious view at all and coexisting in society.

Heritage Foundation, in a report by Jay Greene, PHD and James Paul, “Equity Elementary: Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Staff in Public Schools”

KEY TAKEAWAYS

Chief diversity officers (CDOs), who typically advance a leftist agenda, are spreading beyond college campuses and becoming more common in K–12 districts.

CDOs are prevalent in large school districts—employed in nearly 79 percent of districts with 100,000 or more students—and are expanding in rural districts.

While CDOs are ostensibly hired to help close student achievement gaps, evidence shows that CDOs may increase gaps between white and minority students.

From Pure Flix Insider:

GEORGE WASHINGTON: ON GOD AND LOVE

"I now make it my earnest prayer, that God would have you and the State over which you preside, in his holy protection that he would incline the hearts of the Citizens to cultivate a spirit of subordination and obedience to Government, to entertain a brotherly affection and love for one another, for their fellow Citizens of the United States at large..." -

Washington is speaking about the governors of the new United States. He encourages people, through God, to show love and obedience and to "entertain a brotherly affection."

THOMAS JEFFERSON: INTRIGUE OVER JESUS

"I hold the precepts of Jesus, as delivered by himself, to be the most pure, benevolent, and sublime which have ever been preached to man."

JOHN ADAMS: A PRAYER FOR PRESIDENTS

"I pray heaven to bestow the best of blessings on this house and all that shall hereafter inhabit it. May none but the wise men ever rule under this roof."

In an article, “Founding Fathers on Prayer” at Wall Builders.com, David Barton was interviewed about the National Day of Prayer, and shared these hints on the importance of prayer.

Why is it important that we pray for our country and its peoples?

First, because God tells us to (1 Timothy 2:1-4), and it is important that we obey Him (John 14:15, Acts 5:32). Second, because God answers prayer (Matthew 21:22, John 14:13-14). Third, God honors prayer and turns His attention to those who pray. He takes note of people who pray and His ear remains open to them (such as in 2 Chronicles 7:14). Fourth, prayer not only gives God a vehicle by which He can respond and answer prayers but prayer also changes those who pray, for praying helps us to be God-conscious, and when we are God-conscious as individuals, our behavior is different than if we rarely think about God (Romans 1:28). I think that George Washington incorporated many of these elements when he explained why he called the nation’s first federal day of prayer. According to President Washington, “It is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to be grateful for His benefits, and humbly to implore His protection and favor.”

About five weeks into the Constitutional Convention of 1787 when they were attempting to draft the U. S. Constitution, their efforts were a signal failure. As things were beginning to break up and delegates return home to their states, Franklin challenged them and called them to prayer. He told them:

In this situation of this Assembly, groping as it were in the dark to find political truth, and scarce able to distinguish it when presented to us, how has it happened, sir, that we have not hitherto once thought of humbly applying to the Father of Lights to illuminate our understanding? In the beginning of the contest with Great Britain, when we were sensible of danger, we had daily prayer in this room for the Divine protection. Our prayers, sir, were heard, and they were graciously answered. All of us who were engaged in the struggle must have observed frequent instances of a superintending Providence in our favor. . . . And have we now forgotten that powerful Friend? Or do we imagine we no longer need His assistance? I have lived, sir, a long time, and the longer I live, the more convincing proofs I see of this truth – that God governs in the affairs of men. And if a sparrow cannot fall to the ground without His notice, is it probable that an empire can rise without His aid? We have been assured, sir, in the Sacred Writings, that “except the Lord build the House, they labor in vain that build it.” I firmly believe this; and I also believe that without His concurring aid we shall succeed in this political building no better than the builders of Babel. . . . I therefore beg leave to move that henceforth prayers imploring the assistance of Heaven, and its blessings on our deliberations, be held in this Assembly every morning before we proceed to business.

Notice that Franklin openly acknowledged that their frequent prayers throughout the Revolution had been answered. Hence, America became an independent nation rather than remain a subjugated British colony. That is just one example of how answered prayer changed the course of the nation.

Other delegates agreed. Alexander Hamilton is reported to have declared:

For my own part, I sincerely esteem it a system which without the finger of God never could have been suggested and agreed upon by such a diversity of interests.

James Madison agreed, and reported:

It is impossible for the man of pious reflection not to perceive in it a finger of that Almighty Hand which has been so frequently and signally extended to our relief in the critical stages of the Revolution.

As far as these delegates were concerned, the finger of God – that is, His Divine power – had guided their writing of the Constitution. George Washington (president of the Convention) similarly attested:

As to my sentiments with respect to the merits of the new Constitution, I will disclose them without reserve. . . . It appears to me then little short of a miracle that the delegates from so many different states . . . should unite in forming a system of national government.

Benjamin Rush, a signer of the Declaration from Philadelphia who closely monitored the proceedings, concurred, openly testifying:

I do not believe that the Constitution was the offspring of inspiration, but I am as perfectly satisfied that the Union of the States in its form and adoption is as much the work of a Divine Providence as any of the miracles recorded in the Old and New Testament were the effects of a Divine power.

So, I would point to the independence of America and the creation of its unique Constitution and government as direct answers to prayer.

View Details

Military.com

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Military Deaths by Suicide Jumped 25% at End of 2020

· up to 156 deaths from October 1 - December 31. It was up 25% -125 deaths

· 17 U.S. veterans die by suicide every day

A total of 377 active duty service members died by suicide in 2020.

· up from 348 in 2016

Factors That Facilitate Suicide

· Demographics,

· Insomnia

· Depression

· Anxiety

· Sexual Victimization

· Gun Owner

· Substance Use Disorders

Suicide doesn’t take away the pain, it gives it to someone else.

Note from Scott: This is where we ended our first discussion. We will cover the following in our second week:

Treatment

Dragon's Lair,” brings a panel of experts together to hear new ideas directly from soldiers. It's a rare opportunity for soldiers to speak directly to leaders and offer their own ideas, be it for a new app or policy update.

Counseling treats reintegrating and facilitating transition back into civilian life,

By aligning their lives to Biblical principles, these Warriors are able to lead their families, their communities and our nation.

Help veterans find a new life purpose through hope in Christ and resiliency and peer-to-peer recovery programs.

What are peer support programs, they recognize that individuals experience times of stress in which they sometimes need the support of a friend or a peer. They provide an early intervention strategy by normalising the process of seeking help for distress.

Our mission is to serve and restore our nation’s Warriors and families, who have endured hardship through their service to America, and to help them find a new life purpose through hope in Christ and our resiliency and peer-to-peer recovery programs.

The Veterans Crisis Line and Military Crisis Line can be reached at 1-800-273-8255, press 1

The Veterans Crisis Line and Military Crisis Line connect veterans and service members in crisis and their families and friends with qualified, caring Department of Veterans Affairs responders through a confidential toll-free hotline, online chat, or text.

The Mighty Oaks Foundation is a faith-based Veteran service organization that teaches combat Veterans struggling with Post Traumatic Stress how to get beyond combat trauma and live their lives in the manner God intended

Irreverent Warriors https://irreverentwarriors.com/

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Excerpts from: What does the Bible teach us about bullying?

Neal Hardin

Genesis 1:27

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them

Bullying happens more frequently than you might think. According to the American Medical Association, by the time students finish school, nearly half of students have been bullied at one point or another

What is Bullying?

Researchers who study bullying cite three common characteristics of what makes an act bullying:

· Bullying is intentional and tries to cause harm or distress to the victim.

· Bullying occurs between two students who have different degrees of power.

· Bullying happens repeatedly over a period of time.

There are three types of bullying that occur:

1. Physical: Hitting, kicking, spitting, tripping, pushing, breaking someone’s things, rude gestures

2. Verbal: Teasing, name-calling, threats, inappropriate sexual comments, taunting

3. Social: Leaving someone out of a group on purpose, telling others not to be friends with them, publicly embarrassing them, spreading gossip or rumors about someone.

How should Christians respond to bullying?

How does God call us to respond if we are being bullied or we see someone else being bullied?

1. If you see something, say something.

Reporting bullying to the proper authorities is one of the most important strategies we can use to prevent further bullying. Twenty-eight percent of students grades 6-12 say that they have been bullied at school. Yet only 20-30 percent of those who are bullied actually report when they are bullied.

How should Christians respond to bullying?

How does God call us to respond if we are being bullied or we see someone else being bullied?

1. If you see something, say something.

2. Reporting bullying to the proper authorities is one of the most important strategies we can use to prevent further bullying.

3. Twenty-eight percent of students grades 6-12 say that have been bullied at school. Yet only 20-30 percent of those who are bullied actually report when they are bullied.

** Something extremely important to remember is that it isn’t tattling to report bullying.

Understand who you are in Christ

You need to know that you are special to God and created in his image with immeasurable worth and value. (Psalm 139:13-18)

it’s okay to stick up for yourself if you are bullied.

Sticking up for yourself may be difficult to do, but if you are able to stay calm and respond in a loving manner, then you have every right as an image-bearer of God to defend yourself and speak the truth. You are worth being defended.

Reach out to those being bullied

Lastly, we need to reach out to those being bullied. One of the best ways we can do this is to befriend them and invite them to hang out with us. Not only will this make them feel loved, accepted, and less alone, it also acts as a deterrent to bullying. Bullies are much less likely to pick on someone if they are in a group of friends than if they are alone.

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The Session: Why should we remember 9/11?

According to Pew Research, 93% of those 30 and older say they remember exactly where they were on Sept. 11, 2001. Only 42% of 25 year olds remember. Today’s high school students were not born when the attacks of 9-11 happened.

Why is 911 an important event?

The 9/11 attacks killed 2,977 people. This was the single largest loss of life resulting from a foreign attack on American soil. The attacks caused the deaths of 441 first responders, the greatest loss of emergency responders on a single day in American history.

Pew Research did their first survey about the public’s reaction to the attacks from Sept. 13-17, 2001. A sizable majority of adults (71%) said they felt depressed, nearly half (49%) had difficulty concentrating and a third said they had trouble sleeping.

90% said they got most of their news about the attacks from television, compared with just 5% who got news online – and the televised images of death and destruction had a powerful impact. Around nine-in-ten Americans (92%) agreed with the statement, “I feel sad when watching TV coverage of the terrorist attacks.” A sizable majority (77%) also found it frightening to watch – but most did so anyway.

Three weeks after 9/11, even as the psychological stress began to ease somewhat, 87% said they felt angry about the attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon.

Most Americans said they were very (28%) or somewhat (45%) worried about another attack. When asked a year later to describe how their lives changed in a major way, about half of adults said they felt more afraid, more careful, more distrustful or more vulnerable as a result of the attacks.

From Since911.com has resources for teachers to use, like this: What made 9-11 such a shocking attack? It came out of the blue; the USA had never been subject to this kind of terrorist attack before; the scale was difficult to take in; it was viewed worldwide on television as events were happening; it felt like the end of the world and no one knew when the attacks would stop or who might be next; it bore an awful similarity to many disaster movies except that this was for real. Ask three students to come to the front and read out different statements explaining why it is still important to remember 9/11 (it would be a good idea to select and brief the students beforehand): ▪ It is important to remember the 2,977 victims and their families who are still affected by events on that day. ▪ It is important to remember that the events of that day changed the world forever and that we have all been affected by them in some way. ▪ It is important to remember 9/11 so that we all work together to try to prevent something like this from ever happening again.

Kids may have seen stories about 9-11, or maybe they know someone who lost someone that day, or in the war that followed. How do we talk to kids about terrorism? This is from the 9/11 Memorial and Museum:

Listen

Some children will want to talk about terrorism and some won’t. Both reactions are common. If they do want to talk, it’s important to offer children a safe space to share their thoughts and questions. Actively listen to their concerns, attend to their body language, validate their emotions, and encourage respectful conversation and discussions. If they don’t feel like talking, don’t force the discussions. Continue to check in and let them know you are ready to listen whenever they’re ready to talk.

Don’t Avoid Difficult Conversations

Parents and caregivers understandably don’t want to cause anxiety and distress in their children. This often results in shying away from difficult conversations that we presume will provoke these emotions. It is terrorism itself, though, that is upsetting, not the conversations about terrorism. Invite the conversation with open-ended questions, such as “What would you like to know?” or “How does this make you feel?” Let the child’s interests and thoughts guide the conversation.

Be Prepared

Be prepared for your children to ask questions about death when discussing terrorism, and to answer these questions in a way that is honest and developmentally appropriate. Reassure children of their safety. Be aware of your tone, remaining calm and not appearing anxious. Ask your children about their concerns and provide appropriate, realistic reassurance. If your children have persistent concerns, allow them to express those feelings. Focus on how to cope with troubling feelings rather than suggest their worries are unfounded. Share what is being done to keep them, their family members, and their friends safe.

Answer Questions about the Attacks with Facts

Children’s understanding of current events comes from the myriad of sources around them—their families, schools, friends, and media. As is often the case, these sources can sometimes contradict each other. It is important, then, to answer children’s questions about what happened with basic facts and age-appropriate language; don’t try to share all the information you know. Point older children to reliable sources of information for further research.

Acknowledge That We Don’t Have All the Answers

It’s all right not to know the answer to every question. Terrorism is a very complex subject. If you can’t answer your child’s question, be honest. Use the opportunity to model yourself as a learner, and explore the question together. Just like adults, children may also pose rhetorical questions—they may be looking for someone to acknowledge their concerns rather than provide an answer.

Be Specific

It can be easy to make generalizations when discussing terrorism. Avoid talking in broad strokes, comparing the suffering of one person to another, or assigning blame to an entire group. Highlight specific stories of the survivors, victims, or first responders to help humanize the event, and avoid stereotypes and simplifications.

Emotions Vary

Children’s responses to terrorist attacks will vary widely depending on their age, personality, nationality, actual or perceived ethnic or religious background, connection to the attacks, and exposure to other past traumatic experiences. Be on the lookout for changes in mood, behavior, and daily habits, including appetite and sleep patterns. There is no right or wrong emotional response to fear or anxiety. If your children’s distress is persistent, severe, or interfering with daily functioning, talk with their pediatrician or other health-care/mental health provider.

Be Vigilant of Children at Risk

Children who have experienced trauma or loss, even if unrelated to terrorism, are at a higher risk of experiencing distress. Unhealthy behaviors, including substance abuse, self-harm, and bullying, are unhealthy no matter the circumstances and warrant professional attention. Monitor the television and Internet. Television programs, news shows, and social media will cover an attack and its aftermath in some depth. Media may include footage of scenes that are not appropriate for children to view at all or without supervision. Similarly, children may use the Internet to seek out answers to their questions. Be actively involved in the quality and amount of information they receive.

Know Yourself

You aren’t immune to the emotions sparked by terrorist attacks. Acknowledge and attend to your own reactions and feelings. Terrorism is not an easy topic to think about, let alone discuss with a child. Recognizing your feelings beforehand and then sharing them honestly with your children offers them a model in their own difficult conversations and will help engender a safe, trusting environment. Share with children the strategies you use to cope with your distress. Seek assistance if you are experiencing feelings that are overwhelming or difficult to manage.

Emphasize Hope

Terrorism exposes us to the worst in people. But we often hear stories of wonderful, compassionate, and heroic deeds that occur during or after such an attack. Shock and sadness can bring people—families, friends, and strangers alike—together in a unique way. Help your children recognize how their own compassion can prevent future acts of intolerance and violence by reminding them to express their ideas respectfully and to treat people who are different from themselves with kindness. Help children identify ways they can help others, whether those directly impacted by the event or others in need in their own community.

911 Memorial.org

Since911.com

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Teaching Your Kids About Money From Focus On The Family

Proverbs 22:6 (NIV) Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

Building A Case For Teaching Children About Money

· As a matter of fact, a recent Consumer Reports survey revealed that 28 percent of students did not know that credit cards are a form of borrowing. 40 percent did not know that banks charge interest on loans.

· Advertisers and credit card companies are targeting children and teens.

80 percent of parents assume that schools are providing classes on money management and budgeting.

· 63 percent of older teenagers – kids who are notorious for knowing it all and not listening to their parents – say that they get most of their information on money matters from mom and dad.

· Financial support for churches and ministries is dropping – and is likely to be even weaker in the future. The younger generations simply aren’t getting the message that giving matters.

How to Teach Pre-Schoolers and Kindergartners About Money From Dave Ramsey

1. Use a clear jar to save.

The piggy bank is a great idea, but it doesn’t give kids a visual. When you use a clear jar, they see the money growing. Yesterday, they had a dollar bill and five dimes. Today, they have a dollar bill, five dimes, and a quarter! Talk through this with them and make a big deal about it growing!

1. Set an example.

A study by the University of Cambridge found that money habits in children are formed by the time they’re 7 years old.(1) Little eyes are watching you. If you’re slapping down plastic every time you go out to dinner or the grocery store, they’ll eventually notice. Or if you and your spouse are arguing about money, they’ll notice that too. Set a healthy example for them and they’ll be much more likely to follow it when they get older.

1. Show them that stuff costs money.

You’ve got to do more than just say, “That pack of toy cars costs $5, son.” Help them grab a few dollars out of their jar, take it with them to the store, and physically hand the money to the cashier. This simple action will have more impact than a five-minute lecture.

How to Teach Elementary Students and Middle Schoolers About Money

1. Show opportunity cost.

That’s just another way of saying, “If you buy this video game, then you won’t have the money to buy that pair of shoes.” At this age, your kids should be able to weigh decisions and understand the possible outcomes.

1. Give commissions, not allowances.

Don’t just give your kids money for breathing. Pay them commissions based on chores they do around the house like taking out the trash, cleaning their room, or mowing the grass. Dave and his daughter Rachel Cruze talk a lot about this system in their book, Smart Money Smart Kids. This concept helps your kids understand that money is earned—it’s not just given to them.

1. Avoid impulse buys.

“Mom, I just found this cute dress. It’s perfect and I love it! Can we buy it please?” Does this sound familiar? This age group really knows how to capitalize on the impulse buy—especially when it uses someone else’s money.

Instead of giving in, let your child know they can use their hard-earned commission to pay for it. But encourage your child to wait at least a day before they purchase anything over $15. It will likely still be there tomorrow, and they’ll be able to make that money decision with a level head the next day.

1. Stress the importance of giving.

Once they start making a little money, be sure you teach them about giving. They can pick a church, charity or even someone they know who needs a little help. Eventually, they’ll see how giving doesn’t just affect the people they give to, but the giver as well.

How to Teach Teenagers About Money

1. Teach them contentment.

Your teen probably spends a good chunk of their time staring at a screen as they scroll through social media. And every second they’re online, they’re seeing the highlight reel of their friends, family and even total strangers! It’s the quickest way to bring on the comparison trap. You may hear things like:

“Dad, Mark’s parents bought him a brand-new car! How come I have to drive this 1993 Subaru?”

“Mom, this girl at school got to spend $10,000 on her Sweet 16 party. I want to do that too!”

Contentment starts in the heart. Let your teen know that their Subaru (although not the newest car on the block) is still running well enough to get them from point A to point B. And you can still throw a memorable, milestone birthday party without spending a chunk of your retirement savings funding it!

1. Give them the responsibility of a bank account.

By the time your kid’s a teenager, you should be able to set them up with a simple bank account if you’ve been doing some of the above along the way. This takes money management to the next level, and will (hopefully) prepare them for managing a much heftier account when they get older.

1. Get them saving for college.

There’s no time like the present to have your teen start saving for college. Do they plan on working a summer job? Perfect! Take a portion of that (or more) and toss it in a college savings account. Your teen will feel like they have skin in the game as they contribute toward their education.

1. Teach them to steer clear of student loans.

Before your teen ever applies to college, you need to sit down and have the talk—the “how are we going to pay for college” talk. Let your teen know that student loans aren’t an option to fund their education. Talk through all the alternatives out there, like going to community college, going to an in-state university, working part-time while in school, and applying for scholarships now.

While you’re at it, get The Graduate Survival Guide for them. It’s a must-have resource to help your college-bound teen prepare for the next big step in their life.

1. Teach them the danger of credit cards.

As soon as your kid turns 18, they’ll get hounded by credit card offers—especially once they’re in college. If you haven’t taught them why debt is a bad idea, they’ll become yet another credit card victim. Remember, it’s up to you to determine the right time you’ll teach them these principles.

1. Get them on a simple budget.

Since your teen is glued to their mobile device anyway, get them active on our simple budgeting app, EveryDollar. Now is the time to get your teen in the habit of budgeting their income—no matter how small It is. They should learn the importance of making a plan for their money while they’re still under your roof.

1. Introduce them to the magic of compound interest.

We know what you’re thinking. You can barely get your teen to brush their hair—how in the world are they supposed to become investment savvy? The earlier your teen can get started investing, the better. Compound interest is a magical thing! Introduce your teen to it at an early age, and they’ll get a head start on preparing for their future.

1. Help them figure out how to make money.

When you think about it, teenagers have plenty of free time—fall break, summer break, winter break, spring break. If your teen wants some money (and what teen doesn’t?), then help them find a job. Better yet, help them become an entrepreneur! These days, it’s easier than ever for your teen to start up their own business and turn a profit.

View Details

Teaching Your Kids About Money From Focus On The Family

Proverbs 22:6 (NIV) Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

Building A Case For Teaching Children About Money

· As a matter of fact, a recent Consumer Reports survey revealed that 28 percent of students did not know that credit cards are a form of borrowing. 40 percent did not know that banks charge interest on loans.

· Advertisers and credit card companies are targeting children and teens.

80 percent of parents assume that schools are providing classes on money management and budgeting.

· 63 percent of older teenagers – kids who are notorious for knowing it all and not listening to their parents – say that they get most of their information on money matters from mom and dad.

· Financial support for churches and ministries is dropping – and is likely to be even weaker in the future. The younger generations simply aren’t getting the message that giving matters.

How to Teach Pre-Schoolers and Kindergartners About Money From Dave Ramsey

1. Use a clear jar to save.

The piggy bank is a great idea, but it doesn’t give kids a visual. When you use a clear jar, they see the money growing. Yesterday, they had a dollar bill and five dimes. Today, they have a dollar bill, five dimes, and a quarter! Talk through this with them and make a big deal about it growing!

1. Set an example.

A study by the University of Cambridge found that money habits in children are formed by the time they’re 7 years old.(1) Little eyes are watching you. If you’re slapping down plastic every time you go out to dinner or the grocery store, they’ll eventually notice. Or if you and your spouse are arguing about money, they’ll notice that too. Set a healthy example for them and they’ll be much more likely to follow it when they get older.

1. Show them that stuff costs money.

You’ve got to do more than just say, “That pack of toy cars costs $5, son.” Help them grab a few dollars out of their jar, take it with them to the store, and physically hand the money to the cashier. This simple action will have more impact than a five-minute lecture.

How to Teach Elementary Students and Middle Schoolers About Money

1. Show opportunity cost.

That’s just another way of saying, “If you buy this video game, then you won’t have the money to buy that pair of shoes.” At this age, your kids should be able to weigh decisions and understand the possible outcomes.

1. Give commissions, not allowances.

Don’t just give your kids money for breathing. Pay them commissions based on chores they do around the house like taking out the trash, cleaning their room, or mowing the grass. Dave and his daughter Rachel Cruze talk a lot about this system in their book, Smart Money Smart Kids. This concept helps your kids understand that money is earned—it’s not just given to them.

1. Avoid impulse buys.

“Mom, I just found this cute dress. It’s perfect and I love it! Can we buy it please?” Does this sound familiar? This age group really knows how to capitalize on the impulse buy—especially when it uses someone else’s money.

Instead of giving in, let your child know they can use their hard-earned commission to pay for it. But encourage your child to wait at least a day before they purchase anything over $15. It will likely still be there tomorrow, and they’ll be able to make that money decision with a level head the next day.

1. Stress the importance of giving.

Once they start making a little money, be sure you teach them about giving. They can pick a church, charity or even someone they know who needs a little help. Eventually, they’ll see how giving doesn’t just affect the people they give to, but the giver as well.

How to Teach Teenagers About Money

1. Teach them contentment.

Your teen probably spends a good chunk of their time staring at a screen as they scroll through social media. And every second they’re online, they’re seeing the highlight reel of their friends, family and even total strangers! It’s the quickest way to bring on the comparison trap. You may hear things like:

“Dad, Mark’s parents bought him a brand-new car! How come I have to drive this 1993 Subaru?”

“Mom, this girl at school got to spend $10,000 on her Sweet 16 party. I want to do that too!”

Contentment starts in the heart. Let your teen know that their Subaru (although not the newest car on the block) is still running well enough to get them from point A to point B. And you can still throw a memorable, milestone birthday party without spending a chunk of your retirement savings funding it!

1. Give them the responsibility of a bank account.

By the time your kid’s a teenager, you should be able to set them up with a simple bank account if you’ve been doing some of the above along the way. This takes money management to the next level, and will (hopefully) prepare them for managing a much heftier account when they get older.

1. Get them saving for college.

There’s no time like the present to have your teen start saving for college. Do they plan on working a summer job? Perfect! Take a portion of that (or more) and toss it in a college savings account. Your teen will feel like they have skin in the game as they contribute toward their education.

1. Teach them to steer clear of student loans.

Before your teen ever applies to college, you need to sit down and have the talk—the “how are we going to pay for college” talk. Let your teen know that student loans aren’t an option to fund their education. Talk through all the alternatives out there, like going to community college, going to an in-state university, working part-time while in school, and applying for scholarships now.

While you’re at it, get The Graduate Survival Guide for them. It’s a must-have resource to help your college-bound teen prepare for the next big step in their life.

1. Teach them the danger of credit cards.

As soon as your kid turns 18, they’ll get hounded by credit card offers—especially once they’re in college. If you haven’t taught them why debt is a bad idea, they’ll become yet another credit card victim. Remember, it’s up to you to determine the right time you’ll teach them these principles.

1. Get them on a simple budget.

Since your teen is glued to their mobile device anyway, get them active on our simple budgeting app, EveryDollar. Now is the time to get your teen in the habit of budgeting their income—no matter how small It is. They should learn the importance of making a plan for their money while they’re still under your roof.

1. Introduce them to the magic of compound interest.

We know what you’re thinking. You can barely get your teen to brush their hair—how in the world are they supposed to become investment savvy? The earlier your teen can get started investing, the better. Compound interest is a magical thing! Introduce your teen to it at an early age, and they’ll get a head start on preparing for their future.

1. Help them figure out how to make money.

When you think about it, teenagers have plenty of free time—fall break, summer break, winter break, spring break. If your teen wants some money (and what teen doesn’t?), then help them find a job. Better yet, help them become an entrepreneur! These days, it’s easier than ever for your teen to start up their own business and turn a profit.

View Details

Teaching Your Kids About Money From Focus On The Family

Proverbs 22:6 (NIV) Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

Building A Case For Teaching Children About Money

· As a matter of fact, a recent Consumer Reports survey revealed that 28 percent of students did not know that credit cards are a form of borrowing. 40 percent did not know that banks charge interest on loans.

· Advertisers and credit card companies are targeting children and teens.

80 percent of parents assume that schools are providing classes on money management and budgeting.

· 63 percent of older teenagers – kids who are notorious for knowing it all and not listening to their parents – say that they get most of their information on money matters from mom and dad.

· Financial support for churches and ministries is dropping – and is likely to be even weaker in the future. The younger generations simply aren’t getting the message that giving matters.

How to Teach Pre-Schoolers and Kindergartners About Money From Dave Ramsey

1. Use a clear jar to save.

The piggy bank is a great idea, but it doesn’t give kids a visual. When you use a clear jar, they see the money growing. Yesterday, they had a dollar bill and five dimes. Today, they have a dollar bill, five dimes, and a quarter! Talk through this with them and make a big deal about it growing!

1. Set an example.

A study by the University of Cambridge found that money habits in children are formed by the time they’re 7 years old.(1) Little eyes are watching you. If you’re slapping down plastic every time you go out to dinner or the grocery store, they’ll eventually notice. Or if you and your spouse are arguing about money, they’ll notice that too. Set a healthy example for them and they’ll be much more likely to follow it when they get older.

1. Show them that stuff costs money.

You’ve got to do more than just say, “That pack of toy cars costs $5, son.” Help them grab a few dollars out of their jar, take it with them to the store, and physically hand the money to the cashier. This simple action will have more impact than a five-minute lecture.

How to Teach Elementary Students and Middle Schoolers About Money4. Show opportunity cost.

That’s just another way of saying, “If you buy this video game, then you won’t have the money to buy that pair of shoes.” At this age, your kids should be able to weigh decisions and understand the possible outcomes.

1. Give commissions, not allowances.

Don’t just give your kids money for breathing. Pay them commissions based on chores they do around the house like taking out the trash, cleaning their room, or mowing the grass. Dave and his daughter Rachel Cruze talk a lot about this system in their book, Smart Money Smart Kids. This concept helps your kids understand that money is earned—it’s not just given to them.

1. Avoid impulse buys.

“Mom, I just found this cute dress. It’s perfect and I love it! Can we buy it please?” Does this sound familiar? This age group really knows how to capitalize on the impulse buy—especially when it uses someone else’s money.

Instead of giving in, let your child know they can use their hard-earned commission to pay for it. But encourage your child to wait at least a day before they purchase anything over $15. It will likely still be there tomorrow, and they’ll be able to make that money decision with a level head the next day.

1. Stress the importance of giving.

Once they start making a little money, be sure you teach them about giving. They can pick a church, charity or even someone they know who needs a little help. Eventually, they’ll see how giving doesn’t just affect the people they give to, but the giver as well.

How to Teach Teenagers About Money

1. Teach them contentment.

Your teen probably spends a good chunk of their time staring at a screen as they scroll through social media. And every second they’re online, they’re seeing the highlight reel of their friends, family and even total strangers! It’s the quickest way to bring on the comparison trap. You may hear things like:

“Dad, Mark’s parents bought him a brand-new car! How come I have to drive this 1993 Subaru?”

“Mom, this girl at school got to spend $10,000 on her Sweet 16 party. I want to do that too!”

Contentment starts in the heart. Let your teen know that their Subaru (although not the newest car on the block) is still running well enough to get them from point A to point B. And you can still throw a memorable, milestone birthday party without spending a chunk of your retirement savings funding it!

1. Give them the responsibility of a bank account.

By the time your kid’s a teenager, you should be able to set them up with a simple bank account if you’ve been doing some of the above along the way. This takes money management to the next level, and will (hopefully) prepare them for managing a much heftier account when they get older.

1. Get them saving for college.

There’s no time like the present to have your teen start saving for college. Do they plan on working a summer job? Perfect! Take a portion of that (or more) and toss it in a college savings account. Your teen will feel like they have skin in the game as they contribute toward their education.

1. Teach them to steer clear of student loans.

Before your teen ever applies to college, you need to sit down and have the talk—the “how are we going to pay for college” talk. Let your teen know that student loans aren’t an option to fund their education. Talk through all the alternatives out there, like going to community college, going to an in-state university, working part-time while in school, and applying for scholarships now.

While you’re at it, get The Graduate Survival Guide for them. It’s a must-have resource to help your college-bound teen prepare for the next big step in their life.

1. Teach them the danger of credit cards.

As soon as your kid turns 18, they’ll get hounded by credit card offers—especially once they’re in college. If you haven’t taught them why debt is a bad idea, they’ll become yet another credit card victim. Remember, it’s up to you to determine the right time you’ll teach them these principles.

1. Get them on a simple budget.

Since your teen is glued to their mobile device anyway, get them active on our simple budgeting app, EveryDollar. Now is the time to get your teen in the habit of budgeting their income—no matter how small It is. They should learn the importance of making a plan for their money while they’re still under your roof.

1. Introduce them to the magic of compound interest.

We know what you’re thinking. You can barely get your teen to brush their hair—how in the world are they supposed to become investment savvy? The earlier your teen can get started investing, the better. Compound interest is a magical thing! Introduce your teen to it at an early age, and they’ll get a head start on preparing for their future.

1. Help them figure out how to make money.

When you think about it, teenagers have plenty of free time—fall break, summer break, winter break, spring break. If your teen wants some money (and what teen doesn’t?), then help them find a job. Better yet, help them become an entrepreneur! These days, it’s easier than ever for your teen to start up their own business and turn a profit.

View Details

The Session Helping Children Grieve, A Look At Research

How grief affects a child?

Children who are having serious problems with grief and loss may show one or more of these signs: an extended period of depression in which the child loses interest in daily activities and events. inability to sleep, loss of appetite, prolonged fear of being alone. acting much younger for an extended period. (Reverts to a safe time in their lives)

What to do:

1. Use simple words to talk about death. ...

2. Listen and comfort. ...

3. Put feelings into words. ...

4. Tell your child what to expect. ...

5. Explain events that will happen. ...

6. Give your child a role. ...

7. Help your child remember the person.

How long does grief last in children?

The initial severe and intense grief you feel will not be continuous. Periods of intense grief often come and go over 18 months or longer. Over time, your grief may come in waves that are gradually less intense and less frequent. But you will likely always have some feelings of sadness and loss.

What Not to Say to a Grieving Child

· I know just how you feel. You can't. ...

· You must be incredibly angry/sad/frightened/confused. It's more useful to ask children how they are feeling than to tell them.

· At least you had the holidays together before she died.

How grief affects a child?

Children who are having serious problems with grief and loss may show one or more of these signs: an extended period of depression in which the child loses interest in daily activities and events. inability to sleep, loss of appetite, prolonged fear of being alone. acting much younger for an extended period.

Some appropriate sentiments are listed below.

· “Sometimes we feel like it's our fault when someone dies, but it's not.”

· “It's hard to imagine someone we love has died.”

· “I am so sorry your friend/parent/sibling died. I know you will miss him/her.”

· “When someone dies, it's OK to talk about how you feel

Focus on the Family

Kids need to see the grief process modeled for them. Licensed family therapist Yolanda Brown says, “The healthiest choice parents can make is to engage in the reality of their own loss.”

At the funeral, Ted and I sought to model healthy grief by allowing ourselves to cry in our children’s presence. We also talked openly about our feelings with our kids. “It’s sad that Grandpa died, isn’t it?” we said. “We’re really going to miss him.”

Author Kathleen Fucci says this is what kids need the most as they grieve. “Our job is to turn the hearts of our grief-stricken kids back to Jesus. Only He can mend their broken spirits,” she explains. “Our faith in the Lord’s willingness and ability to heal their broken hearts will be evident to them in the way we talk about Jesus, pray to Him, praise Him, read His Word, and shower our kids with His loving words and eternal promises.”

Instead of shouldering the burden of making everything “OK” for our little ones, we pointed them to their heavenly Father, the source of true comfort and peace.

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Learning Styles

Romans 15:4

“For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.”

Innovative

· This group would prefer discovering meaning.

· They want to listen and share ideas

· Enjoy Small group discussion

· They are divergent thinkers who believe in their own experience, excel in viewing concrete situations from many perspectives,

· They are not very creative however, if it’s a group project they could be more interested

Analytic Learners

· Driven by facts

· Interested in what the experts say

· They are more interested in Ideas and concepts than people

· These are the people who love the traditional classroom. Straight lecture suits them well, as long as the lecturer is qualified.

· Math and Science are their strengths

· To best teach the analytic learners, I've found I need to give them details, lists, technical information, and quotes from "the experts.

· They tend to break out in a cold sweat when art, drama or small group discussions take place

Common-Sense Learners

· These folks are hands-on experiential learners.

· They have to experience it or try to learn it

· These folks are your engineers, nurses, technicians and scientists

Dynamic Learners

· People like this often seek careers in sales, action-oriented managerial positions, and marketing.

· They want to change the environment and then study whether or not that was a good idea or not.

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CHRISTIAN POST CHURCH & MINISTRIES | WEDNESDAY, MAY 04, 2022

More pastors say they have considered quitting, cite stress, loneliness and politics: study

Driven to despair by stress, loneliness, political divisions and other worries like their church being in decline, more pastors now say they considered quitting their jobs compared to a year ago, new data released by the Barna Group show.

The research draws on data collected in surveys conducted in January 2021 and March 2022 that show the share of pastors who have given serious consideration to quitting being in full-time ministry within the last year, increasing from 29% in 2021 to 42% in March of this year.

Data collected for the 2021 study was collected online from 413 Protestant senior pastors from Jan. 22­–27, 2021. While the data collected from March 10–16, came from an online survey of 510 Protestant senior pastors.

More than half of pastors, 56%, who considered quitting full-time ministry in the last year, said, “the immense stress of the job” was a huge factor behind their thinking. Beyond these general stressors, two in five pastors, 43%, report that “I feel lonely and isolated,” while some 38% say “current political divisions” made them think about calling it quits at the pulpit.

An equal 29% share of pastors also said they felt like quitting because they weren’t optimistic about the future of their church; they were unhappy with the impact the job had on their family or they had a vision for the church that was in conflict with where the church wanted to go. Another 24% of pastors say they considered quitting because their church is steadily declining.

While pastors who have not considered quitting experience some of the same challenges highlighted by those who have considered it, the research shows that the difference maker for them is their mindset to ministry.

Some 83% said they did not consider quitting because they believe in the value of their ministry; 75% say they have a duty to stay and fulfill their calling to ministry, and 73% say they are satisfied with their job. A majority of pastors who have not considered quitting also cite strong family and community support and confidence in their ability as leaders.

The March measure of discontent among pastors also reflects a steady increase in the share of pastors who reported last October that they were “seriously considering” leaving full-time ministry as they struggle with their overall well-being amid the COVID-19 pandemic. Nearly four out of 10 mainline Protestant pastors, or 38% of them, said they were “seriously considering” leaving full-time ministry in October.

Joe Jensen, Barna’s vice president of church engagement, told The Christian Post at the time that the growing number of pastors now looking to leave their full-time positions is cause for alarm.

“This particular stat, this is the highest we’ve ever seen it,” Jensen said, pointing to the burnout he believes many pastors are experiencing in the wake of the pandemic.

“We’ve been tracking this in our State of Pastors report that we did with Pepperdine University in 2016, 2017. We didn’t have this exact stat but we were tracking burnout. [And] pastors were feeling burnout and the risk factors involved,” Jensen said.

He explained at the time that pastors, in general, shy away from counseling and mentoring, but they need to understand that it’s OK to ask for help.

“Pastors traditionally don’t feel comfortable for a number of different reasons to seek out counseling, to seek out mentoring. You know it needs to be OK within a Church community and the Church culture for a pastor to say, ‘you know what? I need help.’ I need some counseling. I’m struggling emotionally,” he said.

“But to be quite frank, for whatever reason, a lot of pastors don’t feel comfortable being vulnerable within a leadership context,” he added. “I really think that churches need to communicate and say, ‘Hey pastor, it’s OK not to be OK.'"

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Ephesians 1:17-18 I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people,

Helps for our Adult Children

Pray for them. Colossians 1:5

· the faith and love that spring from the hope
· Don’t stop praying For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you.

Encourage Them

· Hebrews 10:24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds

Be a Good Role Model

· Proverbs 4:20 -24
"My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips."

· An incredible 44 percent of the letters received made reference to this failure of older adults to let go. It was as though some of the writers had been waiting for years for that precise question to be asked. Here are a few of their comments:

· 1. "Mother felt my leaving home was an insult to her. She couldn't let go, couldn't realize I needed to become an independent person, couldn't understand that I no longer needed her physical help, although I did need her as a person. Quite unintentionally she retarded my growing up by 35 years."

· 2. "One of the greatest problems is to have my parents see me as an adult, not as a child who doesn't know the best way to do things. As a child, I played a specific role in my family. Now as an adult, I wish to change my role, but they will not allow it."

· 3. "Our parents never seemed able to grasp the reality of the fact that we had grown from dependent children, to capable, responsible adults. They did not recognize or appreciate our abilities, responsibilities or contributions to the outside world."

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The Session: The Psychology of Color

Isaiah 1:18 Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.

What is color psychology?

· Color psychology is the study of color’s impact on human behavior. It aims to understand why and how different hues affect our feelings, behavior and decision-making processes.

· Color plays a role in decision making. How did it play a role in your last clothing purchase?

· Would you be more apt to sleep in a room that had soft grays, greens and blues, or bright reds or purple?

· Some color meanings are more universal. For example, we naturally relate warm colors like red, orange and yellow to warmth and sunshine, whereas cool colors like blue, green and purple tend to be calming and refreshing.

· How does your favorite color relate to your personality?

· The Color of the Package influences our decision making Consider, for example, an ice cream brand. You’d imagine their store’s color palette to be playful, full of either pastel or bright and joyful shades. A dark storefront would set a completely different vibe, possibly suggesting elegance and maturity - an unusual choice for an ice cream brand.

· The Color Blue

The reason it’s become so popular amongst corporations could be to do with the fact that blue is generally

seen as reflecting loyalty and stability. It’s also often connected to feelings of tranquility, harmony and calmness, reminding us of the sea and sky. In fact, as part of their World’s Favorite Color survey, paper manufacturer G.F Smith found dark blue to be the most relaxing color in the world.

· Blue also has another side to it. It is also reflective of depression. Hence the saying “I’m feeling blue.”

· Green

Green is associated with the environment, nature and ecology. Spotify’s use of a vibrant shade of green suggests that the company is full of life and vitality. The serenity of the golf course….naturally this is in here….thanks Tom... ;)

· Yellow

Yellow is a color that grabs your attention right away. a smart choice for warning signs, reflective vests,

ambulances. Yellow is also very much associated with optimism, sunshine and warmth. Emojis are yellow. It’s

also used in branding to suggest a fun, happy vibe, for example in Burger King’s logo or McDonald’s’ famous

Golden Arches.

Red

It holds strong connotations to love, desire and seduction, while on the other hand also being associated with feelings of danger, anger and violence. It also evokes a sense of energy and instantly grabs attention, thanks to its high visibility. This makes it an appropriate color for warning signals like stop signs and fire engines.

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The Session: Independence’s Impact on Mental Health

Scripture:John 15:26 When the Advocate comes, whom I will send to you from the Father the Spirit of truth who goes out from the Father—he will testify about me.

· Locus of Control

· The internal locus of control is when we have a say in our decision making that impacts our relationship.

· The external locus of control is when the decision making is not ours to make. Someone else is making decisions in our lives.

It can lead to depression (Discuss)

It can lead to anxiety “

It can create the compliant child “

· (From The Experimental Theology Blog) In summary, when life gets difficult it helps to have an internal locus of control. You'll be active and engaged in fighting back. By contrast, an external locus of control--waiting for Powerful Others to fix it or feeling set upon by the gods--will keep you passive and inactive.

· The Holy Spirit

· II Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

· Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit

to him,and he will make your paths straight.

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Isaiah 41:10

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

What is PTSD?

Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a psychiatric disorder that may occur in people who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic event such as a natural disaster, a serious accident, a terrorist act, war/combat, or rape or who have been threatened with death, sexual violence or serious injury.

What does PTSD do to a person?

People with PTSD have intense, disturbing thoughts and feelings related to their experience that last long after the traumatic event has ended. They may relive the event through flashbacks or nightmares; they may feel sadness, fear or anger; and they may feel detached or estranged from other people.

A life threatening event. This includes a perceived-to-be life threatening event. ...

• Internal reminders of a traumatic event. These signs of trauma typically present as nightmares or flashbacks. ...internal movie
• Avoidance of external reminders. ...4th of July
• Altered anxiety state. ...

PTSD can leave people feeling on edge and looking out for danger (hypervigilance). Really, what it boils down to is that people feel more

anxious.

• Changes in mood or thinking.

Isolation leads to depression

According to the National Center for PTSD, posttraumatic stress disorder, about 8 million Americans have PTSD during any given year. While the signs of PTSD in women don't differ greatly from signs of PTSD in men,

CBT and Prolonged Exposure Therapy are helpful

What is Prolonged Exposure Therapy?

Prolonged exposure is a type of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) which helps people with trauma (posttraumatic stress disorder) process single or multiple traumas or continuous trauma and reduce symptoms. The technique is also useful for decreasing depression, anger, and general anxiety.

With prolonged exposure, patients learn:

• About common reactions to trauma and possible causes of your difficulties (psychoeducation)
• To re-visit or re-tell the traumatic memory (imaginal exposure)
• To gradually approach trauma reminders, such as feared situations or objects patients avoid, despite being safe.

Patients manage the pace of their treatment and gradually take the steps they're ready to make. Many people who participate in prolonged exposure treatment show significant symptom reduction.

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Ways to Honor Your Deceased Dad
Psalm 116:15: "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints." Understand...in God's eyes, YOU ARE PRECIOUS!

9 Things you can do to honor dad even after he's passed away:
Create a memorial website/social media page
Write him a letter. The earlier, the better. It's an aid in the grieving process.
Make a memory quilt. The funeral home might be able to help, or you might have some gifted grandmothers and aunts. Scott's mom made 3 memory quilts out of his dads t-shirts from all of the 5K's and other events he ran in.
Dedicate an event to them. Like the Tom Russell Memorial Golf Outing
Make a donation to an organization important to dad.
Plant a tree or garden. Tom & Scott have both had trees given to remember Scott's dad & Tom's father-in-law.
Save them a seat. At Thanksgiving dinner, or at the wedding. Set a place for them, honor their memory by serving their favorite food, or watching their favorite show. When Scott's grandma passed away, the family got together & watched home movies.
Live life to the fullest.
*Create a tradition. What are we leaving for the next generation? It's at the heart of Heritage Christian Counseling Ministries.

What are memories that you have of your parenting days?

What do you want your children to remember about your parenting of them?

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THE GIFT OF RESPECT ON FATHER’S DAY

Erin Smalley

Deuteronomy 5:16

“‘Honor your father and your mother, as the Lordyour God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

Intentional Respect

• Being intentional about respect is to focus on ways a wife can respect her husband.
• It includes the vertical expectation where a wife calls on God in heaven to help her find new ways and the strength to respect him.

Practical Respect

• The Oxford dictionary defines respect as: “A feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities or achievement.
• keep a list of character qualities, abilities and achievement
• Every day be on the lookout for one thing in your husband’s behavior for which you can praise him
• If you look for praiseworthy behavior, you will find it
• (This is huge) Offer your husband words of encouragement and affirmation — maybe even at the dinner table in front of your children. Consider inviting your children to share as well.
• Always talk positively about your husband. Tell them how much you appreciate their dad.
• When you blow it by speaking to your husband in dishonoring ways, simply “clean it up.” Acknowledge that you were wrong and ask your husband to forgive you.
• Respect is unconditional

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Premarital Christian Counseling

Ephesians 5:21 “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

Believe Christian Mingle

1. Forgive

a. Forgiveness facilitates humbleness

b. Forgiveness facilitates restoration

c. Forgiveness demonstrates love

2 Develop a Support Team

a. It is important to have a “go to team

1. Have Fun

a. laugh a lot and never stop

The 3 Most Important Things To Know Before You Ever Consider Getting Married

By Benjamin Sledge

1. Marriage is a Covenant

Thus, a covenant is not a legal contract that lays out terms, but a mutual understanding that regardless of performance, you’re still all in. It’s a love that understands that the essence of marriage is a sacrificial commitment to the good of the other. It unites not just duty and passion, but emotions and promise.

1. Marriage Will Intensify Your Problems, Not Fix Them

Marriage puts all your problems under a microscope and intensifies them.

1. Get Your Crap Together Before You Get Married, Because Your Past Will Come Back To Haunt You

Spend the time now becoming the type of person you’d want to date or marry.

Everyone ought to examine themselves before they eat of the bread and drink from the cup I Corinthians 11:28

Important Premarital Questions

What are your life goals?

Will you have separate bank accounts, joint checking accounts, or both?

Who will pay the bills?

How will you handle disagreements about how money should be spent?

Do you plan and agree to have full financial disclosure with your spouse?

What kind of debt are you going into marriage with?

Do you have or plan to have credit cards?

Prepare

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Premarital Christian CounselingEphesians 5:21 “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
Believe Christian Mingle
1. Forgive

a. Forgiveness facilitates humbleness

b. Forgiveness facilitates restoration

c. Forgiveness demonstrates love

2 Develop a Support Team
a. It is important to have a “go to team

1. Have Fun
   a. laugh a lot and never stop

The 3 Most Important Things To Know Before You Ever Consider Getting Married
By Benjamin Sledge

1. Marriage is a Covenant

Thus, a covenant is not a legal contract that lays out terms, but a mutual understanding that regardless of performance, you’re still all in. It’s a love that understands that the essence of marriage is a sacrificial commitment to the good of the other. It unites not just duty and passion, but emotions and promise.

1. Marriage Will Intensify Your Problems, Not Fix Them

Marriage puts all your problems under a microscope and intensifies them.

1. Get Your Crap Together Before You Get Married, Because Your Past Will Come Back To Haunt You

Spend the time now becoming the type of person you’d want to date or marry.

Everyone ought to examine themselves before they eat of the bread and drink from the cup I Corinthians 11:28

Important Premarital Questions

What are your life goals?

Will you have separate bank accounts, joint checking accounts, or both?

Who will pay the bills?

How will you handle disagreements about how money should be spent?

Do you plan and agree to have full financial disclosure with your spouse?

What kind of debt are you going into marriage with?

Do you have or plan to have credit cards?

Introduce and explain Prepare, and how it helps provide guidance in pre-marital counseling

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In light of the tragic school shootings in Texas, I brought Tom into the studio during my show on Thursday afternoon to talk about how we should help our kids as they process this tragedy.  Our time was limited, so I thought it would be a good idea to have a fuller conversation posted here for you to listen to when you can.  Some of the information we shared was from Tom's experience over the years at Heritage Christian Counseling.  Much of what we shared is from Focus on the Family at this link:  https://www.focusonthefamily.com/get-help/facing-tragedy/
It's our prayer that this conversation and information can help you if your little ones are asking things like, "Is someone bad coming to my school?", or, "Is someone bad coming to our house mommy?"

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Premarital Christian CounselingEphesians 5:21 “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
Believe Christian Mingle
1. Forgive

a. Forgiveness facilitates humbleness

b. Forgiveness facilitates restoration

c. Forgiveness demonstrates love

2 Develop a Support Team
a. It is important to have a “go to team

1. Have Fun
   a. laugh a lot and never stop

The 3 Most Important Things To Know Before You Ever Consider Getting Married
By Benjamin Sledge

1. Marriage is a Covenant

Thus, a covenant is not a legal contract that lays out terms, but a mutual understanding that regardless of performance, you’re still all in. It’s a love that understands that the essence of marriage is a sacrificial commitment to the good of the other. It unites not just duty and passion, but emotions and promise.

1. Marriage Will Intensify Your Problems, Not Fix Them

Marriage puts all your problems under a microscope and intensifies them.

1. Get Your Crap Together Before You Get Married, Because Your Past Will Come Back To Haunt You

Spend the time now becoming the type of person you’d want to date or marry.

Everyone ought to examine themselves before they eat of the bread and drink from the cup I Corinthians 11:28

Important Premarital Questions

What are your life goals?

Will you have separate bank accounts, joint checking accounts, or both?

Who will pay the bills?

How will you handle disagreements about how money should be spent?

Do you plan and agree to have full financial disclosure with your spouse?

What kind of debt are you going into marriage with?

Do you have or plan to have credit cards?

Introduce and explain Prepare, and how it helps provide guidance in pre-marital counseling

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The Session with Martie Whittekin  

Martie Whittekin is Tom’s sister, and a Certified Clinical Nutritionist.  Host of the Healthy By Nature Show.  She’s been a nutrition counselor since 1982, authored 3 books, including The Probiotic Cure and Natural Alternatives to Nexium, Maalox, Tagamet and Prilosec.  She served as President of the Natural Products Association, and founder of Texans for Health Freedom, and served on the Board of Trustees of Bastyr University.  She’s been married to Bill for “a very long time”, has 4 grown children and 2 grandchildren.

First, a couple of “little Tommy” stories…

Today on the Session we are going to connect Martie’s work in the nutrition sciences with Tom’s work in mental health, and I’m just along for the ride.  First, Tom, we turn to God’s word…

Today we are going to discuss the role nutrition plays in our mental health, specifically as nutrition relates to helping prevent mental disorders and depression.

Both of you define depression from your professional perspective

Then we talk through, starting with Marti, the role nutrition plays in contributing to and preventing or treating depression.

What foods/additives might contribute to depression?

What foods/ additives might help fight depression?

What foods/additives might help prevent depression?

The mental aspects of depression, and how you might use nutrition/diet in your treatment of someone with depression.  Any case histories you all might be able to share would be cool.  With important personal names/information kept out of it, of course.

Explore, starting with Martie, any other mental disorders that nutrition/additives/supplements might contribute too.  Maybe talking about how eating lots of fast food contribute to our health, any other conditions, like diabetes, high blood pressure, kidney or heart disease, might be impacted by diet.  And then, Tom, jump in as you like with collaborating information.

As a last topic, if you both want to, and if time allows, I’d like to discuss products we all see advertised on tv, that promote everything from mental acuity in our old age to joint health to weight loss.  What are things we should look to avoid, or should we be concerned with ads that say, “these statements have not been evaluated by the FDA”, or “this product is not to be used to treat or cure any disease”.

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The Session with Martie Whittekin  5-3-22

Martie Whittekin is Tom’s sister, and a Certified Clinical Nutritionist.  Host of the Healthy By Nature Show.  She’s been a nutrition counselor since 1982, authored 3 books, including The Probiotic Cure and Natural Alternatives to Nexium, Maalox, Tagamet and Prilosec.  She served as President of the Natural Products Association, and founder of Texans for Health Freedom, and served on the Board of Trustees of Bastyr University.  She’s been married to Bill for “a very long time”, has 4 grown children and 2 grandchildren.

First, a couple of “little Tommy” stories…

Today on the Session we are going to connect Martie’s work in the nutrition sciences with Tom’s work in mental health, and I’m just along for the ride.  First, Tom, we turn to God’s word…

Today we are going to discuss the role nutrition plays in our mental health, specifically as nutrition relates to helping prevent mental disorders and depression.

Both of you define depression from your professional perspective

Then we talk through, starting with Marti, the role nutrition plays in contributing to and preventing or treating depression.

What foods/additives might contribute to depression?

What foods/ additives might help fight depression?

What foods/additives might help prevent depression?

The mental aspects of depression, and how you might use nutrition/diet in your treatment of someone with depression.  Any case histories you all might be able to share would be cool.  With important personal names/information kept out of it, of course.

Explore, starting with Martie, any other mental disorders that nutrition/additives/supplements might contribute too.  Maybe talking about how eating lots of fast food contribute to our health, any other conditions, like diabetes, high blood pressure, kidney or heart disease, might be impacted by diet.  And then, Tom, jump in as you like with collaborating information.

As a last topic, if you both want to, and if time allows, I’d like to discuss products we all see advertised on tv, that promote everything from mental acuity in our old age to joint health to weight loss.  What are things we should look to avoid, or should we be concerned with ads that say, “these statements have not been evaluated by the FDA”, or “this product is not to be used to treat or cure any disease”.

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Session Honoring Mom By Gary Thomas for Focus on the Family

Leviticus 19:3: “Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father. I am the LORD your God” (ESV).

Fathers need to model respect

· Men, are you married to an “invisible” woman? You might not think so, but does your wife think so? When your wife walks into the living room and says, “Hey, can someone please turn down the television?” and no one responds or even acknowledges her comment, that’s exactly what she feels like — invisible

· Kids, when your mom has something to say, you need to give her your attention.”

· Here’s the most challenging part for men: Our kids will look to us first. If we ignore our wife when she speaks, our kids will ignore their mom

· Another way we honor our kids’ mom is to affirm her role as a parent.

Mothers want affirmation

· Much of this neglect comes not from a conscious choice to disrespect our wives, but from a passive “default mode” in which we fail to intentionally honor them.

· Is the celebration of success that motivates people.

· But women are different. If you want to make sure that your wife doesn’t feel invisible, you need to think about active affirmation. Wives and mothers desire expressed and demonstrated respect

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Life On The Edge

Proverbs 15:22

Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success.

The most critical decade in a young person’s life. The ages of 16–26. (Dr. Dobson)

What was happening for you between the ages of 16 and 26?

Decision making includes

School - where?

Military - which?

Work - what?

Marriage-well, later in that decade…

Financial commitment

Seek Wisdom It is possible to borrow from an experience someone else had. It is possible to learn from other people’s mistakes as well as their victories.

You can, of course, seek wisdom before you make a decision when you are not sure it is the right thing to do. It is better to borrow the experience than to have to buy the experience. You can learn from other people’s mistakes and other people’s victories and apply this wisdom to your life to help you be successful.

Maslow Self Actualized

A person who was self actualized was a person who had arrived.

Success: True success according to scripture would be doing exactly what God designed each of us to do.

Jeremiah 29:11 tells us “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Implications: what has the potential to keep you up all night talking about it?

College vs. no college lifetime earnings

Here are the median lifetime earnings of full-time workers by level of education:

· less than high school - $1.2 million

· high school diploma - $1.6 million

· some college, but no degree - $1.9 million, equal to about $47,500 annually

· associate’s degree - $2 million, or about $50,000 per year

· bachelor’s degree - $2.8 million, the equivalent of $70,000 annually

· master’s degree - $3.2 million, or $80,000 annually

· doctoral degree - $4 million, equal to $100,000 per year

· professional degree - $4.7 million, or an average of $117,500 annually.

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Essential Lessons to Teach Your Daughter

Likely, there are various pressures and stressors within your daughter’s life. As a father, you can provide advice, encouragement, and love to your daughter. Explore the 13 essential lessons dads can teach their daughters to create a positive and long-lasting momentum in their lives. Consider which lessons you can teach your daughters today:
1. Respect

Ephesians 2:10 teaches us to observe the amazing value in others as God’s masterpieces. Dads model self-control and humility as they navigate relationships with family, friends, and strangers. As you listen and express interest in who your daughter is, you help your daughter come alive by feeling known. Through these interactions, you can teach your daughter about true respectful conversation and relationship.

1. Boundaries

Learning when to say “yes” and when to say “no”. Sometimes it can be the trickiest part of your relationship with your daughter. Two studies conclude that involved and engaged fathers reduce the possibility of risky sexual behaviors in their daughters. In another study, the researchers found that disengaged dads are more likely to have daughters who view guys as interested in sex. Help your daughter through teaching her appropriate boundaries with her relationships.

1. Healthy Affection

Dads that hold, hug, and give their daughters healthy affectionate touch, provide their daughters the affection they need as they grow older. This affection will help them not simply hunger for any affection from a man. They tend to be more selective and patient with affection. You can begin with a simple affectionate smile letting your daughter know she is important to you and that you deeply care for her. From there, begin to incorporate other elements of positive, healthy affection with your daughter.

1. Conversation with Guys

Daughters need to learn how to have enjoyable, personable, and non-sexual conversations with guys. A common observation from women is that: “guys just don’t talk much.” As a father, you can support your daughter’s confidence when they engage in conversations with men. Help your daughter learn how to engage in conversation with men.

1. Strength

Daughters learn about their strength and how to express and use their strength through observing the men within their life. Your daughter may push herself further while doing activities with you to either keep up or push their own limits. As a dad, you can give loving encouragement to your daughter to push herself toward developing strength.

1. Reassurance

Encouraging and life-giving words from a dad can give daughters the confidence that things will be okay. You can provide a significant boost to your daughter’s self-esteem and self-confidence through the power of your words.

1. Perseverance and Pursuit

Dads provide a picture of strength through failure, weakness, and insecurity. As a father, you can demonstrate perseverance in the way you approach adversity. From there, you can model respectful pursuit of your daughter through intentional relationship building. Dads can push and challenge their daughters beyond what they thought possible, but with love, understanding, and gentleness.

1. Prayer

The power and importance of prayer can’t be overstated. Dads get to model trust and belief in having an ongoing conversation with a Heavenly Father. Help your daughter cultivate her relationship with God through prayer and spiritual disciplines.

1. The Power of Reading God’s Word

Dads can lead their daughter toward a strong trust and love of God’s word. You get to model interaction and conversation with God through His word. When a dad clings to God’s word to gain wisdom, guidance, and strength, a family’s home develops a strong bond with God. As you model a relationship with the God through studying scripture, your daughter can strengthen her relationship with God as well. Take hope in the truth of 3rd John 1:4 which says, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.”

1. Practical Life Skills

Dads can teach their daughters about finances, working on cars, cooking, grilling, art, and sports. Honestly, the list is endless. Your relationship with your daughter is unique! You have a lot of practical things to teach your daughter. Take some time to think about what you can teach your daughter.

1. Managing Strong Emotions

Dads can provide another point of view and help daughters find peace in the middle of an emotional storm. Come alongside your wife and other women to support your daughter’s emotions.

1. How to Laugh and Have Fun

Dads can be playful and can offer great opportunities for laughter, physical play, and overall playful times with their daughters. The amazing thing is that laughter and play lead to a deeper attachment. So, dads can offer incredible and unique opportunities for bonding and attachment leading to not always taking life so seriously.

1. Remind them of their Unending Value

Through your relationship with your daughter, you help her know and see her value as a young woman. You can help your daughter understand that you are the one of the few people on this planet willing to die for her.

Next Steps for Essential Lessons Dads Can Teach their Daughter:

A simple investment of time and attention from dads can be life-changing to their daughters and to their homes. Remember that it’s never too late to invest in your daughter’s life.

You can sign up for a 30-day intentional dad challenge to have “One Win a Day” as a dad through www.focusonthefamily.com/dadwins

View Details

Essential Lessons to Teach Your Daughter

Likely, there are various pressures and stressors within your daughter’s life. As a father, you can provide advice, encouragement, and love to your daughter. Explore the 13 essential lessons dads can teach their daughters to create a positive and long-lasting momentum in their lives. Consider which lessons you can teach your daughters today:
1. Respect

Ephesians 2:10 teaches us to observe the amazing value in others as God’s masterpieces. Dads model self-control and humility as they navigate relationships with family, friends, and strangers. As you listen and express interest in who your daughter is, you help your daughter come alive by feeling known. Through these interactions, you can teach your daughter about true respectful conversation and relationship.

1. Boundaries

Learning when to say “yes” and when to say “no”. Sometimes it can be the trickiest part of your relationship with your daughter. Two studies conclude that involved and engaged fathers reduce the possibility of risky sexual behaviors in their daughters. In another study, the researchers found that disengaged dads are more likely to have daughters who view guys as interested in sex. Help your daughter through teaching her appropriate boundaries with her relationships.

1. Healthy Affection

Dads that hold, hug, and give their daughters healthy affectionate touch, provide their daughters the affection they need as they grow older. This affection will help them not simply hunger for any affection from a man. They tend to be more selective and patient with affection. You can begin with a simple affectionate smile letting your daughter know she is important to you and that you deeply care for her. From there, begin to incorporate other elements of positive, healthy affection with your daughter.

1. Conversation with Guys

Daughters need to learn how to have enjoyable, personable, and non-sexual conversations with guys. A common observation from women is that: “guys just don’t talk much.” As a father, you can support your daughter’s confidence when they engage in conversations with men. Help your daughter learn how to engage in conversation with men.

1. Strength

Daughters learn about their strength and how to express and use their strength through observing the men within their life. Your daughter may push herself further while doing activities with you to either keep up or push their own limits. As a dad, you can give loving encouragement to your daughter to push herself toward developing strength.

1. Reassurance

Encouraging and life-giving words from a dad can give daughters the confidence that things will be okay. You can provide a significant boost to your daughter’s self-esteem and self-confidence through the power of your words.

1. Perseverance and Pursuit

Dads provide a picture of strength through failure, weakness, and insecurity. As a father, you can demonstrate perseverance in the way you approach adversity. From there, you can model respectful pursuit of your daughter through intentional relationship building. Dads can push and challenge their daughters beyond what they thought possible, but with love, understanding, and gentleness.

1. Prayer

The power and importance of prayer can’t be overstated. Dads get to model trust and belief in having an ongoing conversation with a Heavenly Father. Help your daughter cultivate her relationship with God through prayer and spiritual disciplines.

1. The Power of Reading God’s Word

Dads can lead their daughter toward a strong trust and love of God’s word. You get to model interaction and conversation with God through His word. When a dad clings to God’s word to gain wisdom, guidance, and strength, a family’s home develops a strong bond with God. As you model a relationship with the God through studying scripture, your daughter can strengthen her relationship with God as well. Take hope in the truth of 3rd John 1:4 which says, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.”

1. Practical Life Skills

Dads can teach their daughters about finances, working on cars, cooking, grilling, art, and sports. Honestly, the list is endless. Your relationship with your daughter is unique! You have a lot of practical things to teach your daughter. Take some time to think about what you can teach your daughter.

1. Managing Strong Emotions

Dads can provide another point of view and help daughters find peace in the middle of an emotional storm. Come alongside your wife and other women to support your daughter’s emotions.

1. How to Laugh and Have Fun

Dads can be playful and can offer great opportunities for laughter, physical play, and overall playful times with their daughters. The amazing thing is that laughter and play lead to a deeper attachment. So, dads can offer incredible and unique opportunities for bonding and attachment leading to not always taking life so seriously.

1. Remind them of their Unending Value

Through your relationship with your daughter, you help her know and see her value as a young woman. You can help your daughter understand that you are the one of the few people on this planet willing to die for her.

Next Steps for Essential Lessons Dads Can Teach their Daughter:

A simple investment of time and attention from dads can be life-changing to their daughters and to their homes. Remember that it’s never too late to invest in your daughter’s life.

You can sign up for a 30-day intentional dad challenge to have “One Win a Day” as a dad through www.focusonthefamily.com/dadwins

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Our conversation comes from https://www.allprodad.com
A mother’s influence has a unique and long-lasting ripple effect in the life of her son, good and bad. The engaged and active presence of a mom in a boy’s life can instill within him foundational security and courageous confidence. But the absence of a mom in a man’s life can leave him aimless, self-destructive, disconnected, and searching for comfort. However, there is hope to cultivate godly characteristics through these essential lessons to teach your sons.

Proverbs 6:22-23 goes on to say, “when you walk here and there, they will guide you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; when you wake up, they will talk to you. For a command is a lamp, a teaching is a light, and corrective discipline is the way to life.”

Notice that it says, “teaching is a light”. What are you teaching your son? What an amazing invitation to bring life to your son through your teaching and guiding along the way.

My mom has had a long-lasting impact on my life, and I have enjoyed watching my wife love and guide our son for the past 18 years. I have also had the privilege of working with hundreds of moms on strengthening and/or repairing their relationships with their sons.

There is a special dynamic between a mom and her son. I’ve learned most moms do their best to deeply love their sons. But unfortunately, many miss out on intentionally providing their sons with important everyday lessons along the way.

Essential Lessons to Teach Your Son

In today’s culture, your son experiences a variety of stress and difficulties. As a mother, you can provide comfort, support, and love to your son. Explore these 13 essential lessons moms can teach their sons.

1. Safety and Affection
   A mother’s affection changes her child’s brain development. In fact, research out of Duke University Medical School found a mother’s affection leads to less stress and anxiety and more happiness and resilience in her children.

Keep in mind that affection comes through both touch and words; hugs and encouragement. You can provide your son with life-giving words in a world that wants to define him by his performance. Help him know his worth as your son through your unconditional affection.

1. How to be Sensitive
   From applying band-aids to taking care of bugs and enjoying gardens, moms can bring warmth to the world around them and relief to difficult and cold moments.

Teach your son how to be sensitive to other people’s thoughts, ideas, and emotions. You can also teach him to notice and appreciate beauty in his surroundings.

1. Boundaries
   Mom, you get to teach your son about the words “yes” and “no.” Help him learn how to have healthy boundaries toward himself and others. You get to model and teach him about respect through the world of boundaries.

2. Meaningful Conversations with Girls
   Teach your son how to listen attentively and ask questions. As a mom, you can patiently model and teach what it means to have meaningful conversations with women.

3. Prayer
   Your son can learn from you what it means to have a conversational relationship with God. Interestingly, moms tend to be more consistent in prayer than men. And boys need to learn they can trust and rely on God. They don’t have to carry the world on their shoulders. Prayer develops humility, vulnerability, empathy, and relational skills in men.

4. Reading God’s Word
   As a mom, you play an essential role in your son’s spiritual development. Help him learn to love God’s word. Boys can learn to engage with certain pieces of scripture as they learn to trust and find strength in and through God’s word.

5. Gentleness and Strength
   Teach your son the strength of gentleness, which is strength with self-control. Help him learn self-control from an early age. Boys are active and have plenty of opportunities to learn what it means to have self-control, and self-control has been proven to be a predictor of future relational and professional success.

6. Wisdom
   Teach your son that wisdom is more precious than riches and that it is important to cultivate discernment in decision-making. learn how to reach for the better thought. Boys can learn about self-control and decision-making through their mom’s patient pursuit of the better thought or decision.

7. Competition and Comparison
   Help your son learn to be confident in who he is and that he does not need to act tough or be the strongest, the most successful, and/or the most powerful to have worth and love. Help him feel valued by who he is instead of by what he does or accomplishes. Encourage him to pursue excellence and victory for growth and excitement rather than worth and love.

8. Leadership and Humility
   There are plenty of arrogant and self-serving people in the world today. Moms can teach their sons the attractiveness and strength of humility. Genuine humility is a key ingredient in a person’s healthy character development and tends to lead to success relationally and professionally.

In fact, it is a foundational trait. Teach him what it means to love out of a humble heart and how freeing it is to be teachable and able to laugh at yourself when it makes sense to do so.

1. How to Handle Weakness
   Weakness gives opportunity for the growth of humility and the strengthening of a person’s outlook, grit, and character. Weakness truly has the capacity for someone to be made strong.

This is an essential lesson for boys as they move toward manhood in a culture that teaches them power and strength results in manhood. Give him reassurance of his manhood when he handles weakness well.

1. Emotions and Feelings
   Teach your son to be comfortable having and talking about his and other’s emotions and feelings. Moms tend to have closer emotional bonds with their kids than fathers. They also tend to be more attuned to emotions and effective in communication their feelings.

2. Respect in Relationships
   Your son learns what it means to have respect in a male-female relationship through his relationship with you. Teach him about listening, being patient, and responding instead of reacting in his relationships.

Next Steps for Moms and Sons

These are just a few lessons moms can bring as a gift to their sons and their sons’ future relationships. Use these lessons to teach your sons how to cultivate their character in God’s image. I’m sure you could add a few more lessons, but this will hopefully get you started on intentionally investing in and guiding your son toward growth and healthy relationships.

View Details

This week's conversation came from https://www.allprodad.com/

A mother’s influence has a unique and long-lasting ripple effect in the life of her son, good and bad. The engaged and active presence of a mom in a boy’s life can instill within him foundational security and courageous confidence. But the absence of a mom in a man’s life can leave him aimless, self-destructive, disconnected, and searching for comfort. However, there is hope to cultivate godly characteristics through these essential lessons to teach your sons.

Proverbs 6:22-23 goes on to say, “when you walk here and there, they will guide you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; when you wake up, they will talk to you. For a command is a lamp, a teaching is a light, and corrective discipline is the way to life.”

Notice that it says, “teaching is a light”. What are you teaching your son? What an amazing invitation to bring life to your son through your teaching and guiding along the way.

My mom has had a long-lasting impact on my life, and I have enjoyed watching my wife love and guide our son for the past 18 years. I have also had the privilege of working with hundreds of moms on strengthening and/or repairing their relationships with their sons.

There is a special dynamic between a mom and her son. I’ve learned most moms do their best to deeply love their sons. But unfortunately, many miss out on intentionally providing their sons with important everyday lessons along the way.

Essential Lessons to Teach Your Son

In today’s culture, your son experiences a variety of stress and difficulties. As a mother, you can provide comfort, support, and love to your son. Explore these 13 essential lessons moms can teach their sons.

1. Safety and Affection
   A mother’s affection changes her child’s brain development. In fact, research out of Duke University Medical School found a mother’s affection leads to less stress and anxiety and more happiness and resilience in her children.

Keep in mind that affection comes through both touch and words; hugs and encouragement. You can provide your son with life-giving words in a world that wants to define him by his performance. Help him know his worth as your son through your unconditional affection.

1. How to be Sensitive
   From applying band-aids to taking care of bugs and enjoying gardens, moms can bring warmth to the world around them and relief to difficult and cold moments.

Teach your son how to be sensitive to other people’s thoughts, ideas, and emotions. You can also teach him to notice and appreciate beauty in his surroundings.

1. Boundaries
   Mom, you get to teach your son about the words “yes” and “no.” Help him learn how to have healthy boundaries toward himself and others. You get to model and teach him about respect through the world of boundaries.

2. Meaningful Conversations with Girls
   Teach your son how to listen attentively and ask questions. As a mom, you can patiently model and teach what it means to have meaningful conversations with women.

3. Prayer
   Your son can learn from you what it means to have a conversational relationship with God. Interestingly, moms tend to be more consistent in prayer than men. And boys need to learn they can trust and rely on God. They don’t have to carry the world on their shoulders. Prayer develops humility, vulnerability, empathy, and relational skills in men.

4. Reading God’s Word
   As a mom, you play an essential role in your son’s spiritual development. Help him learn to love God’s word. Boys can learn to engage with certain pieces of scripture as they learn to trust and find strength in and through God’s word.

5. Gentleness and Strength
   Teach your son the strength of gentleness, which is strength with self-control. Help him learn self-control from an early age. Boys are active and have plenty of opportunities to learn what it means to have self-control, and self-control has been proven to be a predictor of future relational and professional success.

6. Wisdom
   Teach your son that wisdom is more precious than riches and that it is important to cultivate discernment in decision-making. learn how to reach for the better thought. Boys can learn about self-control and decision-making through their mom’s patient pursuit of the better thought or decision.

7. Competition and Comparison
   Help your son learn to be confident in who he is and that he does not need to act tough or be the strongest, the most successful, and/or the most powerful to have worth and love. Help him feel valued by who he is instead of by what he does or accomplishes. Encourage him to pursue excellence and victory for growth and excitement rather than worth and love.

8. Leadership and Humility
   There are plenty of arrogant and self-serving people in the world today. Moms can teach their sons the attractiveness and strength of humility. Genuine humility is a key ingredient in a person’s healthy character development and tends to lead to success relationally and professionally.
   In fact, it is a foundational trait. Teach him what it means to love out of a humble heart and how freeing it is to be teachable and able to laugh at yourself when it makes sense to do so.

9. How to Handle Weakness
   Weakness gives opportunity for the growth of humility and the strengthening of a person’s outlook, grit, and character. Weakness truly has the capacity for someone to be made strong.

This is an essential lesson for boys as they move toward manhood in a culture that teaches them power and strength results in manhood. Give him reassurance of his manhood when he handles weakness well.

1. Emotions and Feelings
   Teach your son to be comfortable having and talking about his and other’s emotions and feelings. Moms tend to have closer emotional bonds with their kids than fathers. They also tend to be more attuned to emotions and effective in communication their feelings.

2. Respect in Relationships
   Your son learns what it means to have respect in a male-female relationship through his relationship with you. Teach him about listening, being patient, and responding instead of reacting in his relationships.

Next Steps for Moms and Sons

These are just a few lessons moms can bring as a gift to their sons and their sons’ future relationships. Use these lessons to teach your sons how to cultivate their character in God’s image. I’m sure you could add a few more lessons, but this will hopefully get you started on intentionally investing in and guiding your son toward growth and healthy relationships.

View Details

Here's the link to the article we discussed:
https://www.allprodad.com/how-to-handle-loss-loneliness-and-longing/

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Here's the link to the article we worked through:
https://www.allprodad.com/how-to-handle-loss-loneliness-and-longing/

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Our celebration of Love Month continues with a conversation about keeping the spark sparking in your marriage! With Tom laid up at home, the audio may sound a bit different. Tom is on a zoom call with Scott in the studio.
Keeping The Romance Alive

Solomon 2:15

Catch the foxes for us, The little foxes that spoil and ruin the vineyards [of love], While our vineyards are in blossom.”

Date your mate

• How often?
• Try revisiting dates you did in history
• 24 hour get aways

From Focus on the Family

• Go to the gym together.
• Walk with your spouse three to five times a week.
• Buy new clothes, and throw out those ugly sleep shirts/pajamas.
• Change habits. Helps you out of a rut and routine

Communication (Focus on the Family)

• Do so in non-threatening, non-judgmental ways.
• Let’s change how we treat each other. Let’s call each other during the day at work.
• Let’s walk together each evening.”
• Avoid using “you” statements. Use “I feel” or “I need” instead. Try writing a letter as an alternative to face to face communication, especially if you feel he or she will react negatively

Sowing Importance

• Specifically speak your mate’s love language
• Doing goods things doesn’t necessarily require spending a lot of money.
• Simple things, like picking up after yourself.
• Giving a FREE back rub,
• preparing dinner,
• writing an appreciative note,

Physical Intimacy (Dr. Gottman)

Caution: This content may not be suitable for younger readers

• Change your pattern of initiating sex. ...
• Hold hands more often.
• Allow anticipation to build toward love making
• Separate sexual intimacy from routine.
• Carve out time to spend with your partner. ...
• Focus on affectionate touch. ...
• Practice being more emotionally vulnerable during sex.
• Experiment with new ways to bring pleasure to each other. Look at sex as an opportunity to get to know your partner better over time.
• Vary the position or foreplay - changes routine
• Make Sex a priority before TV.
• Relax first
• The good news is that allowing your partner to influence you can reignite the spark you once enjoyed.

Dr. Gottman reminds us that friendship is the glue that can hold a marriage together

View Details

Our celebration of Love Month continues with a conversation about keeping the spark sparking in your marriage! With Tom laid up at home, the audio may sound a bit different. Tom is on a zoom call with Scott in the studio.
Keeping The Romance Alive

Solomon 2:15

Catch the foxes for us, The little foxes that spoil and ruin the vineyards [of love], While our vineyards are in blossom.”

Date your mate

• How often?
• Try revisiting dates you did in history
• 24 hour get aways

From Focus on the Family

• Go to the gym together.
• Walk with your spouse three to five times a week.
• Buy new clothes, and throw out those ugly sleep shirts/pajamas.
• Change habits. Helps you out of a rut and routine

Communication (Focus on the Family)

• Do so in non-threatening, non-judgmental ways.
• Let’s change how we treat each other. Let’s call each other during the day at work.
• Let’s walk together each evening.”
• Avoid using “you” statements. Use “I feel” or “I need” instead. Try writing a letter as an alternative to face to face communication, especially if you feel he or she will react negatively

Sowing Importance

• Specifically speak your mate’s love language
• Doing goods things doesn’t necessarily require spending a lot of money.
• Simple things, like picking up after yourself.
• Giving a FREE back rub,
• preparing dinner,
• writing an appreciative note,

Physical Intimacy (Dr. Gottman)

Caution: This content may not be suitable for younger readers

• Change your pattern of initiating sex. ...
• Hold hands more often.
• Allow anticipation to build toward love making
• Separate sexual intimacy from routine.
• Carve out time to spend with your partner. ...
• Focus on affectionate touch. ...
• Practice being more emotionally vulnerable during sex.
• Experiment with new ways to bring pleasure to each other. Look at sex as an opportunity to get to know your partner better over time.
• Vary the position or foreplay - changes routine
• Make Sex a priority before TV.
• Relax first
• The good news is that allowing your partner to influence you can reignite the spark you once enjoyed.

Dr. Gottman reminds us that friendship is the glue that can hold a marriage together:

View Details

Apologies in advance for the change in audio. Scott was in the studio, Tom is laid up at home after breaking his hip.
THE SESSION - Marriage Fundamentals According to Colossians 3

1. Each marriage partner prepares themselves for marriage

a. But now you must

also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy

language from your lips.

1. Put on the new nature that is renewed in knowledge of our Creator

a. focus on being trustworthy

b. focus on putting on the new self

which is evidenced by the Holy Spirit’s presence. love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

1. Clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
2. Bear with each other and forgive one another, and forgive as you have been forgiven
3. Put on Love
4. Paul Teaches Then About Marriage

a. Paul takes 17 verses to talk about individual examination and preparation and 2 verses on

marriage

b. Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

c. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

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THE SESSION - Marriage Fundamentals According to Colossians 3

1. Each marriage partner prepares themselves for marriage

a. But now you must

also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy

language from your lips.

1. Put on the new nature that is renewed in knowledge of our Creator

a. focus on being trustworthy

b. focus on putting on the new self

which is evidenced by the Holy Spirit’s presence. love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

1. Clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

2. Bear with each other and forgive one another

a. forgive as you have been forgiven

1. Put on Love

2. Paul Teaches Then About Marriage

a. Paul takes 17 verses to talk about individual examination and preparation and 2 verses on

marriage

b. Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

c. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

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Session: Goal Setting & Research

Scripture: Proverbs 16:3 “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.”

1. SMART =

Specific

Measurable Vision

Action Plan Who, When, Where & How

Revise

Time

2. Vision

Long Term Goals

Short Term Goals

Goals of the week

Goals of the Day

3. Goal Setting and Research

Setting goals are linked with higher motivation, self-esteem, self-confidence, and autonomy (Locke & Latham, 2006), and research has established a strong connection between goal-setting and success (Matthews, 2015).

A person who is focused and goal-oriented is likely to have a more positive approach towards life and perceive failures as temporary setbacks, rather than personal shortcomings.

Studies have shown that when we train our mind to think about what we want in life and work towards reaching it, the brain automatically rewires itself

Studies have shown that when we train our mind to think about what we want in life and work towards reaching it, the brain automatically rewires itself.

Types of Goals

Process Goals

Going to the Y

Performance Goals

example, studying for no less than 6 hours a day or working out for at least 30 minutes per day can help us in quantifying our efforts and measuring the progress.

The Outcome Goals Outcome goals are the successful implementations of process and performance goals.

Examples: winning a sport, losing the desired amount of weight, or scoring a top rank in school.

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The Session 1/11/22 Mental Health Benefits of Worship

Romans 12:2

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is his good, pleasing and perfect will.

We were designed to praise and worship our God

Just seven minutes of worship every day will change your brain. Let that sink in.

Using praise and worship to get out of a funk

Praise and worship can be used to get out of a funk.

· When my head won’t leave me alone about junk that stresses me out and I’ve prayed about it already –

· I sing a song to God and it forces my mind and my body to line up it’s attention on Him and beautiful truths I need to fill my mind with.

Praise and worship alters the mind and renews it? Praising God when you sing physically raises your endorphins and oxytocin in your body resulting in a much better feeling in your entire body! TIME online has an article talking about singing and research showing this. Just do some google searching!

Practical Times / Strategies to Worship

Sing praise and worship songs in your home, sing in your shower, sing while you clean, sing when you do laundry, sing while you cook, sing to music or just sing without it. Praise God aloud and watch it renew your mind as you please God’s heart. It’s a complete win win created by God.

The Scientific Benefits of Worship, Lauren Hansen

Psalm 22:3 says that God inhabits the praises of his people and we actually get a physical boost as these gamma waves fire in our brains while we worship. Gamma waves do more than just make us feel better, they actually increase our intelligence, too.

Research has shown that as you worship, you increase in wisdom and there’s an increase in your capacity to understand the goodness of God. So your relationship with God deepens as you worship him. As you worship, your brain is comprehending wisdom from the living Word helping grow your capacity to understand that God absolutely adores you. Just seven minutes of worship every day will change your brain.

Gamma Waves

A gamma wave or gamma Rhythm is like an electrical current might be considered an example of a radio wave

Just seven minutes of worship every day will change your brain.

Isaiah 61 talks about God giving us a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. If you are battling depression or anxiety or loneliness, God wants to take away your despair and clothe you with praise and joy.

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Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

What is forgiveness?Forgiveness means different things to different people. Generally, however, it involves a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge.

The act that hurt or offended you might always be with you, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help free you from the control of the person who harmed you. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting or excusing the harm done to you or making up with the person who caused the harm. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.

Forgiveness Health BenefitsMayo Clinic

· Healthier relationships.
· Improved mental health.
· Less anxiety, stress and hostility.
· Lower blood pressure.
· Fewer symptoms of depression.
· A stronger immune system.
· Improved heart health.
· Improved self-esteem.

What are the effects of holding a grudge? (aka the dark side of forgiveness)

If you're unforgiving, you might:

· Bring anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience
· Become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can't enjoy the present
· Become depressed or anxious
· Feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you're at odds with your spiritual beliefs
· Lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others

What happens if I can't forgive someone?(Hang here for most of the show)

Forgiveness can be challenging, especially if the person who's hurt you doesn't admit wrong. If you find yourself stuck:

· Practice empathy. Try seeing the situation from the other person's point of view.
· Ask yourself why he or she would behave in such a way. Perhaps you would have reacted similarly if you faced the same situation.
· Reflect on times you've hurt others and on those who've forgiven you.
· Write in a journal, pray or use guided meditation — or talk with a person you've found to be wise and compassionate, such as a spiritual leader, a mental health provider, or an impartial loved one or friend.
· Be aware that forgiveness is a process, and even small hurts may need to be revisited and forgiven over and over again.

How do I reach a state of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a commitment to a personalized process of change. To move from suffering to forgiveness, you might:

· Recognize the value of forgiveness and how it can improve your life
· Identify what needs healing and who needs to be forgiven and for what
· Consider joining a support group or seeing a counselor
· Acknowledge your emotions about the harm done to you and how they affect your behavior, and work to release them
· Choose to forgive the person who's offended you
· Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life

As you let go of grudges, you'll no longer define your life by how you've been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding.

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The Session, Jan. 6, 2022

Forgiveness, By Dr. Toussaint, Dr. Worthington and Dr. Williams

Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Forgiveness is

· much more than letting go it’s actually being able to offer something positive, empathy, compassion and understanding

· It does not mean letting the person off the hook. Forgiveness is not about justice or reconciliation

· The abused does not reconcile with the abuser

· Forgiveness does not affect injustice being done

· Mental health benefits:

Reduced anxiety

Reduced depression

Physical illness

Reduced death rate

Increased stress relief

· forgiveness allows us to let go of interpersonal stressors

· Forgiveness impacts and helps toxic anger, which intern impacts the immune system in a healthy way

· People who tend to ruminate tend to struggle with forgiveness more flexible people do better with forgiveness

· Dr. Toussaint, Dr. Worthington and Dr. Williams found when forgiveness increases mental health symptoms decrease due to reduced stress

Want to dig in more? Here's the long version of what we discussed:
Everett Worthington, PhD, had been studying forgiveness for nearly a decade when he was faced with the worst possible opportunity to put his research to the test: His mother was murdered in a home invasion. Though police were confident they'd identified the perpetrator, the man was never prosecuted. There was no justice. But despite the tragic nature of that loss, it didn't mean forgiveness was off the table.

"I had applied the forgiveness model many times, but never to such a big event," says Worthington, a professor of psychology at Virginia Commonwealth University. "As it turned out, I was able to forgive the young man quite quickly."

Worthington hardly describes himself as a superstar forgiver, however. Developing the skill took years of practice, he says. "I had a professor in grad school that gave me a B, and it took me 10 years to forgive that guy."

Most of us will never be faced with forgiving such a devastating offense as the murder of a loved one—an example of what Loren Toussaint, PhD, a professor of psychology at Luther College, in Decorah, Iowa, calls "heroic forgiveness." Yet nearly everyone can benefit from being more forgiving, Toussaint says.

Whether you've suffered a minor slight or a major grievance, learning to forgive those who hurt you can significantly improve both psychological well-being and physical health.

"Forgiveness is a topic that's psychological, social and biological," he adds. "It's the true mind-body connection."

What is forgiveness?

Many people think of forgiveness as letting go or moving on. But there's more to it than that, says Bob Enright, PhD, a psychologist at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, who pioneered the study of forgiveness three decades ago. True forgiveness goes a step further, he says, offering something positive—empathy, compassion, understanding—toward the person who hurt you. That element makes forgiveness both a virtue and a powerful construct in positive psychology.

Outside scientific circles, though, many people are a bit confused about the concept.

One common but mistaken belief is that forgiveness means letting the person who hurt you off the hook. Yet forgiveness is not the same as justice, nor does it require reconciliation, Worthington explains. A former victim of abuse shouldn't reconcile with an abuser who remains potentially dangerous, for example. But the victim can still come to a place of empathy and understanding. "Whether I forgive or don't forgive isn't going to affect whether justice is done," Worthington says. "Forgiveness happens inside my skin."

Another misconception is that forgiving someone is a sign of weakness. "To that I say, well, the person must not have tried it," says Worthington.

And there may be very good reasons to make the effort. Research has shown that forgiveness is linked to mental health outcomes such as reduced anxiety, depression and major psychiatric disorders, as well as with fewer physical health symptoms and lower mortality rates. In fact, researchers have amassed enough evidence of the benefits of forgiveness to fill a book; Toussaint, Worthington and David R. Williams, PhD, edited a 2015 book, "Forgiveness and Health," that detailed the physical and psychological benefits.

Toussaint and Worthington suggest that stress relief is probably the chief factor connecting forgiveness and well-being. "We know chronic stress is bad for our health," Toussaint says. "Forgiveness allows you to let go of the chronic interpersonal stressors that cause us undue burden."

While stress relief is important, Enright believes there are other important mechanisms by which forgiveness works its magic. One of those, he suggests, is "toxic" anger. "There's nothing wrong with healthy anger, but when anger is very deep and long lasting, it can do a number on us systemically," he says. "When you get rid of anger, your muscles relax, you're less anxious, you have more energy, your immune system can strengthen."

In one meta-analysis, for example, Yoichi Chida, MD, PhD, found that anger and hostility are linked to a higher risk of heart disease, and poorer outcomes for people with existing heart disease (Journal of the American College of Cardiology, 2009).

Forgiveness can also help rebuild self-esteem, Enright adds. "When people are beaten down by injustice, you know who they end up not liking? Themselves," he says. "When you stand up to the pain of what happened to you and offer goodness to the person who hurt you, you change your view of yourself."

Putting in the effort

As with any human trait, some people are naturally more forgiving than others. Worthington has found in his research that more forgiving types tend to have higher levels of agreeableness and lower levels of neuroticism. People who have a tendency to ruminate are generally less quick to forgive, since they are more likely to hold onto grudges or hurt feelings. People who have a religious faith also seem to have an upper hand in forgiving. "All of the major religions value forgiveness," Worthington notes.

Being forgiving can pay off, as Toussaint and colleagues found in a study exploring the relationship among stress, psychological well-being and forgiveness. They found, as expected, that people who had greater levels of accumulated lifetime stress exhibited worse mental health outcomes. But among the subset of volunteers who scored high on measures of forgiveness, high lifetime stress didn't predict poor mental health (Journal of Health Psychology, 2016). The power of forgiveness to erase that link was surprising, Toussaint says. "We thought forgiveness would knock something off the relationship [between stress and psychological distress], but we didn't expect it to zero it out," he says.

In another study, Toussaint followed participants for five weeks and measured how their levels of forgiveness ebbed and flowed. He found that when forgiveness rose, levels of stress went down. Reduced stress, in turn, led to a decrease in mental health symptoms (Annals of Behavioral Medicine, 2016).

There's also good news for the grudge holders and revenge seekers of the world. With practice, most anyone can learn to be more forgiving. "You don't have to be the world's most forgiving person," Toussaint says. "If you work at it, it takes the edge off the stress and ultimately that helps you feel better."

Developing empathy is a good place to start. He says that journaling or expressive writing with the goal of being empathetic can help. Angry about your boss's rude remark? Try to put yourself in her shoes. Maybe she's under a lot of pressure. The project isn't going as planned. I'm not always perfect. "Writing with an empathetic tone ... can nudge you into a more positive place," he says.

Toussaint's research has also found that for religious people, prayer can boost forgiveness. He and his colleagues studied Americans and Indians, representing Christian, Hindu and Muslim backgrounds. He found that those who said a brief prayer for their romantic partner were less likely to exhibit retaliatory motives when presented with statements such as "When my partner wrongs me, I do something to even the score" (International Journal of Psychology, 2015).

Unfortunately, Toussaint says, many people give up too soon and conclude they're just not forgiving. He urges people to keep trying, even when it's hard. "A natural resurgence of unforgiving feelings is normal," he says. "It's like having a piece of cake during a diet. Just because you have a setback doesn't mean you're an unforgiving person."

Putting in the time

Many people can benefit from self-directed efforts to boost forgiveness, Toussaint says. But psychologists can also offer more formal strategies to help people forgive.

Enright's forgiveness therapy process model uses a 20-step system to move people through four phases: uncovering one's negative feelings about the offense, deciding to forgive, working toward understanding the offending person, and discovering empathy and compassion for him or her. Enright has shown this model is effective in various one-one-one interventions, including a study that showed it alleviated depression, anxiety and PTSD in women who have experienced spousal emotional abuse (Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 2006). "Through these cognitive exercises, they begin to see the other person as a wounded human being, as opposed to stereotyping them and defining them by their hurtful actions," Enright says.

Worthington's REACH Forgiveness model also aims to find compassion for the offender, through a five-step process that helps people address their hurt, find empathy for the person who hurt them, reach forgiveness and hold onto that forgiveness over time. His model has been applied more often in group settings.

Despite the differences in the interventions, both help to promote forgiveness and the mental health benefits that go along with it. In a meta-analysis of 54 forgiveness studies, Worthington found that both his and Enright's models helped people forgive and also improved their mental health (Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 2014). "There's a strong dose-response relationship between the amount of time people try to forgive and the amount of forgiveness they're successful at experiencing. It's all about the time spent," he says. "You run people through a six-hour group, not only do they forgive but they also reduce their levels of depression and anxiety."

Forgiveness is often an important feature in couples therapy, too, where betrayal and resentment frequently play starring roles, says Kristina Coop Gordon, PhD, a clinical psychologist who studies relationship dysfunction and couples therapy at the University of Tennessee–Knoxville.

Gordon's main practice is in addressing infidelities. In that context, exploring forgiveness often means couples have to face the hurt and betrayal, and address it head on so they feel safe enough to move on. That look backward can be a departure from many popular psychotherapy models, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, which tend to focus on the present, Gordon adds. But she believes it can be important to revisit the past in order to forgive and move forward. "Sometimes it's worthwhile to go back to historical events and process them on a deeper level, with couples and with individuals," she says. "If you're too focused on the present, you can forget about the past's influence in the present."

Despite the proven benefits of moving on, forgiveness can be a hard concept for some people to embrace. It can feel unfair to have to put in the effort to forgive when the other person was the one in the wrong. But that's life, Enright says.

"Without our deserving it, we can experience thunderous injustices. The injury was unfair, the person who created it was unfair. But now we have a place for healing," he says.

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Sorry, no show notes here.  Just Tom and his kids talking about what it was like to grow up a Russell, and the Christmas/family traditions that shaped them.  Hope you like laughter!

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5 Tips To Avoid Awkward Conversations at the Holiday Table

We already sense the looming train wreck. Our hearts pump harder, forehead veins twitch. We can hear the screams of rage followed by stony silence … while scorched apple pie smoke stings our nostrils. The season is upon us: the time of holiday dinners, with heaping helpings of awkward conversations.

Awkward conversations gravitate to the dinner table, returning unwanted year after year. Chances are, your family’s holiday meals lie somewhere on the awkwardness spectrum, between Aunt Bethany’s Pledge of Allegiance prayer from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation and the “milking animals” discussion from Meet the Parents.

Holiday meals are some of the worst times to hash out drama or have deep discussions about sensitive topics. Yet family feasts seem to inevitably include a side of political rants, gross medical stories, inappropriate jokes, or the rehashing of family drama.

Every year we convince ourselves it’ll be different, that somehow our celebratory meal will be full of joy, peace, and normal conversation. How do things go so horribly wrong? Could we all truly get along—even if only for 30 minutes of face-stuffing glory?

Avoiding the awkward conversations at your holiday table

My wife has a phobia of flying, so she’s obsessed with plane crashes on TV. Not for the tragedies (she’s not a monster!), but for the solutions. Experts investigate every single aviation accident to determine the cause, fix it, and avoid it happening again. The process gives my wife just enough confidence to tiptoe warily onto a plane every couple of years or so.

Similarly, our awkward conversations (and family blowups) also have a cause and preventable solution. So, let’s dig in. Here are five tips to turn the tables on those awkward conversations and set your family up for a comfortable, peaceful meal.

1. Set the table.

The average person, I’ve Googled, can endure 10 seconds of silence. We’re so averse to the absence of conversation that we’ll turn to anything—including awkward stuff—just to have something to say.

Combat the silence by planning out the conversation ahead of time, creating some questions for everyone to talk about during dinner. Heck, print them out and laminate them if you’re feeling Martha Stewart-y! Holidays meals are a great place to reflect on what we’re thankful for or to remember fun family moments. Ask about highlights from the past year, favorite movie or TV show, and let the questions lead. Also, consider “priming the pump” by asking certain family members ahead of time to tell a funny story during the meal. “Hey, don’t forget when we’re all together to tell us about that time when…”

2. Hire the opposition.

In some families, awkward conversations often erupt from one or two lovable troublemakers. If that’s the case for you, consider giving them a role during the meal to keep them occupied. If “idle hands are the devil’s workshop” (Proverbs 16:27, TLB), why not put those hands to work for you instead of against you? As a bonus, delegating responsibilities during the meal frees you up to do some conversation wrangling.

GET OUR FREE DOWNLOAD OF THANKFULNESS ACTIVITIES FOR FAMILIES

3. Debone arguments ahead of time.

“I have a bone to pick with you,” was my mom’s favorite foray into conflict. Our relatives may have “bones” with others at the table, and they take their seats just itching to pick them.

While we can’t force anyone to resolve conflict, we can encourage them to do it literally any other time. We start by asking ourselves if there are any issues we want to bring up with a family member, and aim to resolve it before the gravy boat sails. Then reach out now to your high-risk-for-awkwardness relatives and ask a question like, “How are you feeling about seeing Grandma?” If there’s tension, help them find an opportunity to resolve it before the holidays.

4. Pivot away from awkward conversations.

Cutting awkward conversations off at the pass with a stark, “I don’t feel comfortable talking about that right now,” can feel like spilling a whole can of awkward sauce on its own. Instead, follow by asking a genuine question about the person you’re stopping. “Hey, can we talk about that later? I was wondering though, how your Mediterranean vacation went?” It’s crucial to sit down at the table already knowing something to ask each relative about.

5. Pray a blessing over your holiday table.

Our family prays before a big meal—like, immediately before. I’m usually sneaking bites of stuffing before “Amen.” When your mind drifts to that upcoming meal, consider that a great time to talk to God about it. Feel free to ask for specific things—“Lord, would you help my grandfather to only speak kindly to Uncle Tim?” God already knows how that meal will go, so chatting with Him about it will be the most helpful thing you can do. Consider praying a specific verse (Philippians 4:8, for instance) over your family, and ask God what He wants the meal to be like.

These guidelines might not be able to prevent all of the holiday awkward conversations, but with some strategies at hand—and by praying for God’s help and intervention—we’ll be prepared to minimize the discomfort. There’s only one reason to feel uncomfortable during our holiday meals: from that great American tradition of stuffing ourselves silly.

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Peek behind the mic time.  We didn't really prep for this show.  It's us being open and honest about the importance of starting Christmas traditions, using some of our own traditions in our families as examples.  The important thing is that family traditions are things your kids hang on to, and help hold memories.  In blended families, this requires some time on the communication highway, and a lot of compromise.  If you need help, reach out to Tom at www.heritagechristiancounselingministries.com

Merry Christmas!

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From imom.com

10 Ways to Motivate Your Child, by Dr. Scott Turansky

What motivates your child? As a kid, I was self-motivated. I did my homework on my own. I did the things I needed to do without being reminded. I set goals for myself and achieved them. Maybe this was due to the fact that my parents were mostly uninvolved.

Some kids are self-motivated. And other kids are less motivated and need a little push here or a lot of prodding there. If you’re wondering how to motivate your child, you might automatically think of rewarding your child for every step he takes in the right direction and applying negative consequences for steps he takes in the wrong direction. In reality, the best approach is to go easy on the rewards and punishments and cultivate his internal motivation—help him to tune into the feelings of accomplishment and the pride he feels for a job well done.

To find out what motivates your child, take a look at these 10 ways to up the motivation:

1. Set Goals.

Have them set goals. Make a list of short-term goals and one for the long-term goals. Make sure the goals are reachable but require effort to obtain. And be sure you’re helping your children choose the right goals.

1. Make a Plan.

In order to reach goals, you need a plan. Help your children create a strategy for reaching their goals. Make a step-by-step plan to reach them. This printable goals chart for kids will help you get started.

1. Make Things Competitive.

Encourage healthy competition. Cheer on your child to beat another runner in a race or to take home the trophy from the spelling bee. Make competition about positivity and strength in regards to your child and never about negativity and weakness towards the competitor.

1. Take Interest.

Learn about your child’s interests. Talk to your child about them and listen. It will show your children that you care and that they are free to talk to you about their interests.

1. *Celebrate Success!****

When your children accomplish their goals, let them know that you are proud of them. Celebrate these successes together. Reward your children for their hard work!

1. Discover Passion.

Encourage your children to discover what he or she is passionate about. It may take a few tries along the way. Support your child on the journey toward passion and urge him or her to keep going until he or she finds out what it is.

1. Encourage Them.

Let your children know you believe in them. Tell them how great they are going to do. Dismiss any self-doubt or fears they may have.

1. Remain Positive.

Maintain a positive and optimistic outlook for your children. If they see fear or doubt in your eyes, they likely will lose self-confidence. Having a positive approach will brighten their outlook on a situation.

1. Peer Pressure.

Occasionally, a little peer pressure is not a bad thing. It can push your kids to do better in school or in a sport because they want to keep up with their friends. However, watch for when the stress of peer pressure starts to become too much.

1. Excite Them.

Excite your children about their goals and ambitions. Show that you are excited for them, too. The positive energy and adrenaline will push them to continue their hard work and be happy with their efforts.

What motivates your child?

Dr. Scott Turansky is an author and speaker known for his heartfelt parenting approach. He offers moms practical, real-life advice for many of parenting’s greatest challenges and is the founder of the National Center for Biblical Parenting.

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From imom.com

10 Ways to Motivate Your Child, by Dr. Scott Turansky

What motivates your child? As a kid, I was self-motivated. I did my homework on my own. I did the things I needed to do without being reminded. I set goals for myself and achieved them. Maybe this was due to the fact that my parents were mostly uninvolved.

Some kids are self-motivated. And other kids are less motivated and need a little push here or a lot of prodding there. If you’re wondering how to motivate your child, you might automatically think of rewarding your child for every step he takes in the right direction and applying negative consequences for steps he takes in the wrong direction. In reality, the best approach is to go easy on the rewards and punishments and cultivate his internal motivation—help him to tune into the feelings of accomplishment and the pride he feels for a job well done.

To find out what motivates your child, take a look at these 10 ways to up the motivation:

1. Set Goals.

Have them set goals. Make a list of short-term goals and one for the long-term goals. Make sure the goals are reachable but require effort to obtain. And be sure you’re helping your children choose the right goals.

1. Make a Plan.

In order to reach goals, you need a plan. Help your children create a strategy for reaching their goals. Make a step-by-step plan to reach them. This printable goals chart for kids will help you get started.

1. Make Things Competitive.

Encourage healthy competition. Cheer on your child to beat another runner in a race or to take home the trophy from the spelling bee. Make competition about positivity and strength in regards to your child and never about negativity and weakness towards the competitor.

1. Take Interest.

Learn about your child’s interests. Talk to your child about them and listen. It will show your children that you care and that they are free to talk to you about their interests.

1. *Celebrate Success!****

When your children accomplish their goals, let them know that you are proud of them. Celebrate these successes together. Reward your children for their hard work!

1. Discover Passion.

Encourage your children to discover what he or she is passionate about. It may take a few tries along the way. Support your child on the journey toward passion and urge him or her to keep going until he or she finds out what it is.

1. Encourage Them.

Let your children know you believe in them. Tell them how great they are going to do. Dismiss any self-doubt or fears they may have.

1. Remain Positive.

Maintain a positive and optimistic outlook for your children. If they see fear or doubt in your eyes, they likely will lose self-confidence. Having a positive approach will brighten their outlook on a situation.

1. Peer Pressure.

Occasionally, a little peer pressure is not a bad thing. It can push your kids to do better in school or in a sport because they want to keep up with their friends. However, watch for when the stress of peer pressure starts to become too much.

1. Excite Them.

Excite your children about their goals and ambitions. Show that you are excited for them, too. The positive energy and adrenaline will push them to continue their hard work and be happy with their efforts.

What motivates your child?

Dr. Scott Turansky is an author and speaker known for his heartfelt parenting approach. He offers moms practical, real-life advice for many of parenting’s greatest challenges and is the founder of the National Center for Biblical Parenting.

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Military.com

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Military Deaths by Suicide Jumped 25% at End of 2020

· up to 156 deaths from October 1 - December 31. It was up 25% -125 deaths

· 17 U.S. veterans die by suicide every day

A total of 377 active duty service members died by suicide in 2020.

· up from 348 in 2016

Factors That Facilitate Suicide

· Demographics,

· Insomnia

· Depression

· Anxiety

· Sexual Victimization

· Gun Owner

· Substance Use Disorders

Suicide doesn’t take away the pain, it gives it to someone else.

Note from Scott: This is where we ended our first discussion. We will cover the following in our second week:

Treatment

Dragon's Lair,” brings a panel of experts together to hear new ideas directly from soldiers. It's a rare opportunity for soldiers to speak directly to leaders and offer their own ideas, be it for a new app or policy update.

Counseling treats reintegrating and facilitating transition back into civilian life,

By aligning their lives to Biblical principles, these Warriors are able to lead their families, their communities and our nation.

Help veterans find a new life purpose through hope in Christ and resiliency and peer-to-peer recovery programs.

What are peer support programs, they recognize that individuals experience times of stress in which they sometimes need the support of a friend or a peer. They provide an early intervention strategy by normalising the process of seeking help for distress.

Our mission is to serve and restore our nation’s Warriors and families, who have endured hardship through their service to America, and to help them find a new life purpose through hope in Christ and our resiliency and peer-to-peer recovery programs.

The Veterans Crisis Line and Military Crisis Line can be reached at 1-800-273-8255, press 1

The Veterans Crisis Line and Military Crisis Line connect veterans and service members in crisis and their families and friends with qualified, caring Department of Veterans Affairs responders through a confidential toll-free hotline, online chat, or text.

The Mighty Oaks Foundation is a faith-based Veteran service organization that teaches combat Veterans struggling with Post Traumatic Stress how to get beyond combat trauma and live their lives in the manner God intended

Irreverent Warriors https://irreverentwarriors.com/

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Military.com

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Military Deaths by Suicide Jumped 25% at End of 2020

· up to 156 deaths from October 1 - December 31. It was up 25% -125 deaths

· 17 U.S. veterans die by suicide every day

A total of 377 active duty service members died by suicide in 2020.

· up from 348 in 2016

Factors That Facilitate Suicide

· Demographics,

· Insomnia

· Depression

· Anxiety

· Sexual Victimization

· Gun Owner

· Substance Use Disorders

Suicide doesn’t take away the pain, it gives it to someone else.

Note from Scott: This is where we ended our first discussion. We will cover the following in our second week:

Treatment

Dragon's Lair,” brings a panel of experts together to hear new ideas directly from soldiers. It's a rare opportunity for soldiers to speak directly to leaders and offer their own ideas, be it for a new app or policy update.

Counseling treats reintegrating and facilitating transition back into civilian life,

By aligning their lives to Biblical principles, these Warriors are able to lead their families, their communities and our nation.

Help veterans find a new life purpose through hope in Christ and resiliency and peer-to-peer recovery programs.

What are peer support programs, they recognize that individuals experience times of stress in which they sometimes need the support of a friend or a peer. They provide an early intervention strategy by normalising the process of seeking help for distress.

Our mission is to serve and restore our nation’s Warriors and families, who have endured hardship through their service to America, and to help them find a new life purpose through hope in Christ and our resiliency and peer-to-peer recovery programs.

The Veterans Crisis Line and Military Crisis Line can be reached at 1-800-273-8255, press 1

The Veterans Crisis Line and Military Crisis Line connect veterans and service members in crisis and their families and friends with qualified, caring Department of Veterans Affairs responders through a confidential toll-free hotline, online chat, or text.

The Mighty Oaks Foundation is a faith-based Veteran service organization that teaches combat Veterans struggling with Post Traumatic Stress how to get beyond combat trauma and live their lives in the manner God intended

Irreverent Warriors https://irreverentwarriors.com/

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The Session: 5 Ways to Support Your Pastor

Hebrews 13:17 Have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority, because they keep watch over you as those who must give an account. Do this so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no benefit to you.

Churches that intentionally create a sculture of support for the pastor and their family tend to develop and maintain healthy relationships that allow the congregation to thrive.

1. Temper unrealistic expectations

· Don’t add to this pressure by expecting them to perform unwanted roles within the congregation, especially roles performed by past clergy family members.

· Allow the pastor and his family to use the gifts God gave them and not what the former pastor

1. Prioritize a Pastor Support Group

· The organizational structure of many congregations contains a group designed to advocate for the pastor and their family’s needs.

· Take the group seriously

3. Support a sabbatical

· Pastoral work is an intense, draining experience that constantly draws pastors away from family life to care for others.

· Pastors and their families need time set aside to be together apart from church life.

· Sabbaticals typically last from two to three months

· They happen once every 5 years

4. Provide paid parental leave.

· The church supports family. The pastor’s family should be one.

· Paid parental one off should be there for the pastor’s family too

5 Protect your pastor’s sabbath day.

· Pastors must carve out other time to practice self-care.

· Pastors vary on the day of the week they use

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Has the Pandemic Made Your Pastor Want to Quit? Probably.

CHRISTA CORDOVA, Christianity Today

Thessalonians 5:12-13 says: “And now, friends, we ask you to honor those leaders, who work so hard for you, who have been given the responsibility of urging and guiding you along in your obedience. Overwhelm them with appreciation and love”

Develop a lament practice.

· Developing a lament practice builds hope

· Psalms of lament stay with us and give us a sense that God remains with us in and through difficulties

· Psalm 13 (Example)

How long Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle

with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?”

Discern your rest deficiencies.

· Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith designed a rest survey that shows your rest deficiencies
HERE'S THE LINK WE TALKED ABOUT: https://www.restquiz.com/quiz/rest-quiz-test/

· The lack of rest shows up in your performance at work

Determine a restorative schedule

· Look at your calendar

· Revise your workload and activities to allow for healthy, sustainable work - life rhythms

· Pastor Rick Warren uses a plan that includes diverting daily to something that brings joy and do it. Withdraw weekly

Delegate Responsibilities

· Dietrich Bonhoeffer encourages pastors to given the pride associated with having control

· He encourages training lay ministries

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5 Ways to Help Your Kids Stand for What’s Right

Joshua 24:15

But if you refuse to serve the LORD, then choose today whom you will serve. Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites in whose land you now live? But as for me and my family, we will serve the LORD.”

One of our subscribers pointed out the fact that if we are raising our children to stand for what is right, then we are raising them to be a minority. A minority is a hard place to be, and it’s a hard position to put our children in – even though we know that it’s the right approach to take. If, then, we do choose to raise our children to be people of integrity, then it’s also incumbent on us to equip them for the task.

Author Flannery O’Connor put it this way with her timeless insight: “You have to push as hard as the age that pushes against you.” O’Conner was talking about not only owning values, but also having the resources to make sure they stick in a world that doesn’t always offer much encouragement to those who are different. Do your children have the strength to push back against all the cultural pressures? Here are 5 ways to help your kids stand up for what’s right.

1. They have to know what’s right.

Teaching and training children is fundamental to family life. So let’s start by making sure our children are clear about integrity, and that they know first hand the source of what is right and wrong and what we say we believe.

2. Practice talking about values, ideals, and standards.

Just like our lessons in school, learning what is right becomes easier to articulate via practice. Talk about what is right. Be deliberate about identifying “teachable moments.” Practice asking hard questions, and then expect your children to explain themselves so they’ll be ready when it becomes necessary (and it will).

3. Practice right behavior as a family.

It’s more practical to stand for what is right when the family stands with you, when “doing right” is a family value. The First Century writer James once said, “Someone will say, ‘You have faith; I have deeds.’ Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds” (James 2:18). James understood how important it is to live our values and integrity out loud.

4. Pick them up gently when they fall.

“Your job as a dad is to LEAD, not DRIVE, your children.”

We all fail to stand for what is right in varying degrees. So be a compassionate teacher at home. Your job as a dad is to LEAD, not DRIVE, your children. So pick them up when they fall, comfort them, encourage them, and be their strength.

5. Make sure your children learn to respect people with different values.

Your children are different. So teach them to respect differences in others. Our children need their peers to know that they love and respect them as people, even while they cannot/will not compromise their own values. This is tricky, but the ability to survive is often tied to humility. Plus, we can’t expect to gain respect if we’re not willing to offer it in return.

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Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

The 3 Rs of Bully Prevention (Lori Ernsperger, Ph.D., BCBA-D)

· Recognize,

· Respond,

· Report.

· The U. S. Dept of Ed. Now calls bullying a school safety issue!

Recognize

The U.S. Department of Education estimates that 32% of all middle school and high school students are bullied in school. In addition, it has been reported that 60% of children with disabilities are bullied

in schools (Ability Path, 2011). A study of students with physical disabilities demonstrated that they were more likely to be called names and excluded from activities (Olweus, 1993).

Respond

· Bullies can be about anyone given the right conditions. Bullies can be from different cultures and can be as regular kids

· Bullying (often) occurs in unstructured school areas including playgrounds, hallways, cafeteria and the school bus. Bullying can also occur at other

· Including educationally sponsored events, such as field trips, school assemblies, and athletic events,

· Two important keys in responding should be immediate and consistent.

Report

· To eliminate bullying and create a safe learning environment, parents and professionals must systematically report bullying to school officials.

· According to Stopbullying.gov, all school personnel including paraprofessionals, office assistants, transportation staff, coaches, and school monitors should be thoroughly trained in reporting and tracking all bullying experiences. Without quantitative bullying data, school districts will be ineffectual in designing interventions that are individualized and target the serious nature of the problem.

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Session Depression And Physical Activity

Romans 12:2

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is his good, pleasing and perfect will.

People with depression often withdraw and are physically inactive.

Physical activity does the brain good.

Not only does it reduce depressive symptoms, it actually fosters the brain’s ability to change and adapt.

This dual beneficial effect of physical activity was reported by researchers at Ruhr-Universität Bochum in Germany following a small study.

The results show how important seemingly simple things like physical activity are in treating and preventing illnesses such as depression,”

This (study) specifically promoted motivation and social togetherness while breaking down a fear of challenges and negative experiences with physical activity

The study team ascertained the severity of the depressive symptoms, such as a loss of drive and interest, lack of motivation and negative feelings, both before and after the program.

Neuroplasticity,

The brain’s ability to change. The ability to change is important for all of the brain’s learning and adaptation processes,” The brain’s ability to change also showed reduced symptoms.

What Kinds Of Exercise?

When it comes to workouts that fight depression, aerobic and cardio exercises have the edge. “To date, the strongest evidence seems to support aerobic exercise,” says Dr. Muzina. from Cleveland Clinic While the correct "dose" of depression-fighting exercise is up for debate, some experts recommend 20 to 30 minutes most days of the week.

Exercise stimulates the release of many of the brain chemicals thought to be in low supply when someone is battling depression,

Running

Muscle Building

Walking

Depression Prevention Web MD

Want to learn more about exercise and depression? Many studies show that people who exercise regularly benefit with a positive boost in mood and lower rates of depression.

Regular exercise has been proven to:

· Reduce stress

· Ward off anxiety and feelings of depression

· Boost self-esteem

· Improve sleep

Exercise also has these added health benefits:

· It strengthens your heart.

· It increases energy levels.

· It lowers blood pressure.

· It improves muscle tone and strength.

· It strengthens and builds bones.

· It helps reduce body fat.

· It makes you look fit and healthy.

People with depression often withdraw and are physically inactive. To investigate the effect of physical activity, Karin Rosenkranz’s working group enlisted 41 people for the study, all of whom were undergoing treatment at the hospital. The participants were each assigned to one of two groups, one of which completed a three-week exercise program.

The program, which was developed by a sports science team at the University of Bielefeld, was varied. It contained fun elements, and did not take the form of a competition or test, but instead required teamwork from the participants.

RELATED: Embrace Your Darker Moods And You’ll Feel Happier in the Long Run, Say Scientists

“This specifically promoted motivation and social togetherness while breaking down a fear of challenges and negative experiences with physical activity—such as school PE lessons,” explains Karin Rosenkranz. The other group took part in a control program without physical activity.

The study team ascertained the severity of the depressive symptoms, such as a loss of drive and interest, lack of motivation and negative feelings, both before and after the program.

The brain’s ability to change, known as neuroplasticity, was also measured. It can be determined externally with the help of transcranial magnetic stimulation. “The ability to change is important for all of the brain’s learning and adaptation processes,” explains Karin Rosenkranz.

Ability to change increased—symptoms decreased

The brain’s ability to change is lower in people with depression than in healthy people.

After the program of physical activity was completed, this ability to change increased significantly and achieved the same values as healthy people.

MORE: Moving Your Sleep Time An Hour Earlier Could Cut Depression Risk by 23%, Study Says

At the same time, depressive symptoms decreased in the group.

The more the ability to change increased, the more clearly the clinical symptoms decreased, according to Rosenkranz, and these changes were not so pronounced in the group who took part in no physical activity.

Though physical activity had an effect on symptoms and the brain’s ability to change, the doctor could not say to what extent the changes are causally linked, based on this study, which was published in June 2021 in the journal Frontiers in Psychiatry.

“It is known that physical activity does the brain good, as it, for instance, promotes the formation of neuron connections, adds Rosenkranz. “This could certainly also play a role here.”

So, next time you’re feeling low, it’s worth it to try and move your body, to change your brain.

(Source: Ruhr-University Bochum)

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Session Depression And Physical Activity

Romans 12:2

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is his good, pleasing and perfect will.

People with depression often withdraw and are physically inactive.

Physical activity does the brain good.

Not only does it reduce depressive symptoms, it actually fosters the brain’s ability to change and adapt.

This dual beneficial effect of physical activity was reported by researchers at Ruhr-Universität Bochum in Germany following a small study.

The results show how important seemingly simple things like physical activity are in treating and preventing illnesses such as depression,”

This (study) specifically promoted motivation and social togetherness while breaking down a fear of challenges and negative experiences with physical activity

The study team ascertained the severity of the depressive symptoms, such as a loss of drive and interest, lack of motivation and negative feelings, both before and after the program.

Neuroplasticity,

The brain’s ability to change. The ability to change is important for all of the brain’s learning and adaptation processes,” The brain’s ability to change also showed reduced symptoms.

What Kinds Of Exercise?

When it comes to workouts that fight depression, aerobic and cardio exercises have the edge. “To date, the strongest evidence seems to support aerobic exercise,” says Dr. Muzina. from Cleveland Clinic While the correct "dose" of depression-fighting exercise is up for debate, some experts recommend 20 to 30 minutes most days of the week.

Exercise stimulates the release of many of the brain chemicals thought to be in low supply when someone is battling depression,

Running

Muscle Building

Walking

Depression Prevention Web MD

Want to learn more about exercise and depression? Many studies show that people who exercise regularly benefit with a positive boost in mood and lower rates of depression.

Regular exercise has been proven to:

· Reduce stress

· Ward off anxiety and feelings of depression

· Boost self-esteem

· Improve sleep

Exercise also has these added health benefits:

· It strengthens your heart.

· It increases energy levels.

· It lowers blood pressure.

· It improves muscle tone and strength.

· It strengthens and builds bones.

· It helps reduce body fat.

· It makes you look fit and healthy.

People with depression often withdraw and are physically inactive. To investigate the effect of physical activity, Karin Rosenkranz’s working group enlisted 41 people for the study, all of whom were undergoing treatment at the hospital. The participants were each assigned to one of two groups, one of which completed a three-week exercise program.

The program, which was developed by a sports science team at the University of Bielefeld, was varied. It contained fun elements, and did not take the form of a competition or test, but instead required teamwork from the participants.

RELATED: Embrace Your Darker Moods And You’ll Feel Happier in the Long Run, Say Scientists

“This specifically promoted motivation and social togetherness while breaking down a fear of challenges and negative experiences with physical activity—such as school PE lessons,” explains Karin Rosenkranz. The other group took part in a control program without physical activity.

The study team ascertained the severity of the depressive symptoms, such as a loss of drive and interest, lack of motivation and negative feelings, both before and after the program.

The brain’s ability to change, known as neuroplasticity, was also measured. It can be determined externally with the help of transcranial magnetic stimulation. “The ability to change is important for all of the brain’s learning and adaptation processes,” explains Karin Rosenkranz.

Ability to change increased—symptoms decreased

The brain’s ability to change is lower in people with depression than in healthy people.

After the program of physical activity was completed, this ability to change increased significantly and achieved the same values as healthy people.

MORE: Moving Your Sleep Time An Hour Earlier Could Cut Depression Risk by 23%, Study Says

At the same time, depressive symptoms decreased in the group.

The more the ability to change increased, the more clearly the clinical symptoms decreased, according to Rosenkranz, and these changes were not so pronounced in the group who took part in no physical activity.

Though physical activity had an effect on symptoms and the brain’s ability to change, the doctor could not say to what extent the changes are causally linked, based on this study, which was published in June 2021 in the journal Frontiers in Psychiatry.

“It is known that physical activity does the brain good, as it, for instance, promotes the formation of neuron connections, adds Rosenkranz. “This could certainly also play a role here.”

So, next time you’re feeling low, it’s worth it to try and move your body, to change your brain.

(Source: Ruhr-University Bochum)

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Raising Children.net

Key points

· Sleep is important for growth, immunity, learning and memory.

· Babies, children and teenagers need different amounts of sleep.

· Sleep patterns change as babies and children get older.

· We all move through cycles of deep and light sleep throughout the night.

Amount of Sleep Per Stages

Newborn 14-17 hours / 24

Babies 3-6 months. develop night and day sleep patterns, and they tend to start sleeping more during the night. Babies usually sleep for 12-15 hours every 24 hours.

They begin to take 2-3 naps a day 2-3 hours

Babies 6-12 months: go to bed between 6-10 PM

They take less than 40 minutes to go to sleep

Some take longer

Sleep 6 hours a night but could wake up once (2/3 of babies)

Toddlers

11-14 hours every 24 hours

10-12 hours at night and approximately a 2 hour nap

Preschoolers 3-5 years old

10-13 hours a night

Some nap

School age 5-11 years old

9-11 hours could be sleepy on a school night at 7:30

Teenagers

8 to 10 hours a night of sleep

Changes to the internal body clock or circadian rhythm during adolescence mean it’s normal for teenagers to want to go to bed later at night – often around 11 pm or later – then get up later in the morning.

Over 90% of adolescent children don’t get the recommended amount of sleep on school nights. Getting enough good-quality sleep is important during this period, because sleep is vital for thinking, learning and concentration skills. Lack of sleep in these years has also been linked to mental health conditions like depression and anxiety.

In REM sleep, your eyeballs flicker from side to side underneath your eyelids. REM sleep is also called dream sleep.

Non-REM sleep consists of deep sleep and light sleep. It’s difficult to wake a child in deep sleep. Children in light sleep wake up easily.

Adjusting Your Child's Sleep Schedule in 8? Easy Steps

1. Follow a consistent bedtime routine.

2. Establish a relaxing setting at bedtime.

3. Make the bedroom quiet, dark and a little bit cool.

4. Do not have computers or televisions in a bedroom. ...

5. Get up the same time every morning.

Adults should get 7+ hours a night

*Anxiety is frequently connected to sleeping problems. Excess worry and fear make it harder to fall asleep and stay asleep through the night. Sleep deprivation can worsen anxiety, spurring a negative cycle involving insomnia and anxiety disorders.

Insomnia

Insomnia is characterized by an inability to initiate or maintain sleep. It may also take the form of early morning awakening in which the individual awakens several hours early and is unable to resume sleeping. Difficulty initiating or maintaining sleep may often manifest itself as excessive daytime sleepiness,

Other factors can affect an insomnia diagnosis like addiction or depression

Excessive daytime sleepiness (including episodes of irresistible sleepiness) combined with sudden muscle weakness are the hallmark signs of narcolepsy. The sudden muscle weakness seen in narcolepsy may be elicited by strong emotion or surprise. Episodes of narcolepsy have been described as “sleep attacks” and may occur in unusual circumstances, such as walking and other forms of physical activity. The healthcare provider may treat narcolepsy with stimulant medications combined with behavioral interventions, such as regularly scheduled naps, to minimize the potential disruptiveness of narcolepsy on the individual’s life.

Medication: Provigil. And other central nervous system stimulants

View Details

Raising Children.net

Key points

· Sleep is important for growth, immunity, learning and memory.

· Babies, children and teenagers need different amounts of sleep.

· Sleep patterns change as babies and children get older.

· We all move through cycles of deep and light sleep throughout the night.

Amount of Sleep Per Stages

Newborn 14-17 hours / 24

Babies 3-6 months. develop night and day sleep patterns, and they tend to start sleeping more during the night. Babies usually sleep for 12-15 hours every 24 hours.

They begin to take 2-3 naps a day 2-3 hours

Babies 6-12 months: go to bed between 6-10 PM

They take less than 40 minutes to go to sleep. Some take longer.

Sleep 6 hours a night but could wake up once (2/3 of babies)

Toddlers

11-14 hours every 24 hours

10-12 hours at night and approximately a 2 hour nap

Preschoolers 3-5 years old

10-13 hours a night

Some nap

School age 5-11 years old

9-11 hours could be sleepy on a school night at 7:30

Teenagers

8 to 10 hours a night of sleep

Changes to the internal body clock or circadian rhythm during adolescence mean it’s normal for teenagers to want to go to bed later at night – often around 11 pm or later – then get up later in the morning.

Over 90% of adolescent children don’t get the recommended amount of sleep on school nights. Getting enough good-quality sleep is important during this period, because sleep is vital for thinking, learning and concentration skills. Lack of sleep in these years has also been linked to mental health conditions like depression and anxiety.

In REM sleep, your eyeballs flicker from side to side underneath your eyelids. REM sleep is also called dream sleep.

Non-REM sleep consists of deep sleep and light sleep. It’s difficult to wake a child in deep sleep. Children in light sleep wake up easily.

Adjusting Your Child's Sleep Schedule in 5 Easy Steps

1. Follow a consistent bedtime routine.

2. Establish a relaxing setting at bedtime.

3. Make the bedroom quiet, dark and a little bit cool.

4. Do not have computers or televisions in a bedroom.

5. Get up the same time every morning.

Adults should get 7+ hours a night

*Anxiety is frequently connected to sleeping problems. Excess worry and fear make it harder to fall asleep and stay asleep through the night. Sleep deprivation can worsen anxiety, spurring a negative cycle involving insomnia and anxiety disorders.

Insomnia

Insomnia is characterized by an inability to initiate or maintain sleep. It may also take the form of early morning awakening in which the individual awakens several hours early and is unable to resume sleeping. Difficulty initiating or maintaining sleep may often manifest itself as excessive daytime sleepiness,

Other factors can affect an insomnia diagnosis like addiction or depression

Excessive daytime sleepiness (including episodes of irresistible sleepiness) combined with sudden muscle weakness are the hallmark signs of narcolepsy. The sudden muscle weakness seen in narcolepsy may be elicited by strong emotion or surprise. Episodes of narcolepsy have been described as “sleep attacks” and may occur in unusual circumstances, such as walking and other forms of physical activity. The healthcare provider may treat narcolepsy with stimulant medications combined with behavioral interventions, such as regularly scheduled naps, to minimize the potential disruptiveness of narcolepsy on the individual’s life.

Medication: Provigil. And other central nervous system stimulants

View Details

Raising Children.net

Key points

· Sleep is important for growth, immunity, learning and memory.

· Babies, children and teenagers need different amounts of sleep.

· Sleep patterns change as babies and children get older.

· We all move through cycles of deep and light sleep throughout the night.

Amount of Sleep Per Stages

Newborn 14-17 hours / 24

Babies 3-6 months. develop night and day sleep patterns, and they tend to start sleeping more during the night. Babies usually sleep for 12-15 hours every 24 hours.

They begin to take 2-3 naps a day 2-3 hours

Babies 6-12 months: go to bed between 6-10 PM

They take less than 40 minutes to go to sleep. Some take longer.

Sleep 6 hours a night but could wake up once (2/3 of babies)

Toddlers

11-14 hours every 24 hours

10-12 hours at night and approximately a 2 hour nap

Preschoolers 3-5 years old

10-13 hours a night

Some nap

School age 5-11 years old

9-11 hours could be sleepy on a school night at 7:30

Teenagers

8 to 10 hours a night of sleep

Changes to the internal body clock or circadian rhythm during adolescence mean it’s normal for teenagers to want to go to bed later at night – often around 11 pm or later – then get up later in the morning.

Over 90% of adolescent children don’t get the recommended amount of sleep on school nights. Getting enough good-quality sleep is important during this period, because sleep is vital for thinking, learning and concentration skills. Lack of sleep in these years has also been linked to mental health conditions like depression and anxiety.

In REM sleep, your eyeballs flicker from side to side underneath your eyelids. REM sleep is also called dream sleep.

Non-REM sleep consists of deep sleep and light sleep. It’s difficult to wake a child in deep sleep. Children in light sleep wake up easily.

Adjusting Your Child's Sleep Schedule in 5 Easy Steps

1. Follow a consistent bedtime routine.

2. Establish a relaxing setting at bedtime.

3. Make the bedroom quiet, dark and a little bit cool.

4. Do not have computers or televisions in a bedroom.

5. Get up the same time every morning.

Adults should get 7+ hours a night

*Anxiety is frequently connected to sleeping problems. Excess worry and fear make it harder to fall asleep and stay asleep through the night. Sleep deprivation can worsen anxiety, spurring a negative cycle involving insomnia and anxiety disorders.

Insomnia

Insomnia is characterized by an inability to initiate or maintain sleep. It may also take the form of early morning awakening in which the individual awakens several hours early and is unable to resume sleeping. Difficulty initiating or maintaining sleep may often manifest itself as excessive daytime sleepiness,

Other factors can affect an insomnia diagnosis like addiction or depression

Excessive daytime sleepiness (including episodes of irresistible sleepiness) combined with sudden muscle weakness are the hallmark signs of narcolepsy. The sudden muscle weakness seen in narcolepsy may be elicited by strong emotion or surprise. Episodes of narcolepsy have been described as “sleep attacks” and may occur in unusual circumstances, such as walking and other forms of physical activity. The healthcare provider may treat narcolepsy with stimulant medications combined with behavioral interventions, such as regularly scheduled naps, to minimize the potential disruptiveness of narcolepsy on the individual’s life.

Medication: Provigil. And other central nervous system stimulants

View Details

Narcissism, an Insecure Self Concept

I Corinthians 2,3

I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power,so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.

Romans 12:3

For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.

Narcissism through the lens of performative self-elevation

Author: Pascal Wallisch, a clinical associate professor in both New York University’s Department of Psychology and Center for Data Science

Narcissism is driven by insecurity, and not an inflated sense of self.

Narcissism Characteristics:

Symptom #1: Lacking Empathy

The vast majority of us are able to understand how others are feeling. Then we will generally act accordingly, reassuring people and offering sympathy if they are sad.. Even if you are having a terrible day, the narcissist is unlikely to sympathise, they may not even understand why you are sad at all.

Symptom #2: Conversation Hogger

You can’t get a word in edgewise

Symptom #3: Self-Importance

The narcissist will often feel as though they are the most important person in the room

Symptom #4: Rule Breaking

Narcissists tend to think that they are above ‘normal’ people and this includes the rules that others are expected to adhere to. This includes social rules such as queuing and waiting for your turn as the narcissist seems to think such rules are in place only for other people to abide by.

Symptom #5: Strives For Perfection

The narcissist needs everything to be perfect, all of the time. They place heavy expectations of perfection on themselves.

More specifically, the results suggest that narcissism is better understood as a compensatory adaptation to overcome and cover up low self-worth.

Helping the Narcissist

It is important that we look at this person as a person with a high degree or level of fear.

Coping with the Narcissistic person

1. Get everything in writing. If you are given verbal instructions at work, ask for them to be emailed to you. ...

2. Avoid a fight. ...

3. Realize it's not personal. ...

4. Don't give personal information or opinions to the narcissist. ...

5. Have a witness. ...

6. Avoid contact. ...

7. Know your legal rights.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder DSM-IV Criteria

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

A. A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

A. Significant impairments in personality functioning manifest by: 1. Impairments in self functioning (a or b):

1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements).

a. Identity: Excessive reference to others for self-definition and self-esteem regulation; exaggerated self-appraisal may be inflated or deflated, or vacillate between extremes; emotional regulation mirrors fluctuations in self-esteem.

1. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.

b. Self-direction: Goal-setting is based on gaining approval from others; personal standards are unreasonably high in order to see oneself as exceptional, or too low based on a sense of entitlement; often unaware of own motivations.

1. Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high- status people (or institutions).

AND

1. Requires excessive admiration.

2. Impairments in interpersonal functioning (a or b):

a. Empathy: Impaired ability to recognize or identify with the

1. Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.

feelings and needs of others; excessively attuned to reactions of others, but only if perceived as relevant to self; over- or underestimate of own effect on others.

1. Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends.

b. Intimacy: Relationships largely superficial and exist to serve self-esteem regulation; mutuality constrained by little genuine interest in others‟ experiences and predominance of a need for personal gain

1. Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.

B. Pathological personality traits in the following domain: 1. Antagonism, characterized by:

DSM-IV and DSM-5 Criteria for the Personality Disorders (trauma).

Narcissism Driven by Insecurity, Not Grandiose Sense of Self, New Psychology Research Shows

From NYU.edu, May 26, 2021

Narcissism is driven by insecurity, and not an inflated sense of self, finds a new study, which offers a more detailed understanding of this long-examined phenomenon and may also explain what motivates the self-focused nature of social media activity.

Narcissism is driven by insecurity, and not an inflated sense of self, finds a new study by a team of psychology researchers. Its research, which offers a more detailed understanding of this long-examined phenomenon, may also explain what motivates the self-focused nature of social media activity.

“For a long time, it was unclear why narcissists engage in unpleasant behaviors, such as self-congratulation, as it actually makes others think less of them,” explains Pascal Wallisch, a clinical associate professor in both New York University’s Department of Psychology and Center for Data Science and the senior author of the paper, which appears in the journal Personality and Individual Differences. “This has become quite prevalent in the age of social media—a behavior that’s been coined ‘flexing’.

“Our work reveals that these narcissists are not grandiose, but rather insecure, and this is how they seem to cope with their insecurities.”

“More specifically, the results suggest that narcissism is better understood as a compensatory adaptation to overcome and cover up low self-worth,” adds Mary Kowalchyk, the paper’s lead author and an NYU graduate student at the time of the study. “Narcissists are insecure, and they cope with these insecurities by flexing. This makes others like them less in the long run, thus further aggravating their insecurities, which then leads to a vicious cycle of flexing behaviors.”

The survey’s nearly 300 participants—approximately 60 percent female and 40 percent male—had a median age of 20 and answered 151 questions via computer.

The researchers examined Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), conceptualized as excessive self-love and consisting of two subtypes, known as grandiose and vulnerable narcissism. A related affliction, psychopathy, is also characterized by a grandiose sense of self. They sought to refine the understanding of how these conditions relate.

To do so, they designed a novel measure, called PRISN (Performative Refinement to soothe Insecurities about SophisticatioN), which produced FLEX (perFormative seLf-Elevation indeX). FLEX captures insecurity-driven self-conceptualizations that are manifested as impression management, leading to self-elevating tendencies.

The PRISN scale includes commonly used measures to investigate social desirability (“No matter who I am talking to I am a good listener”), self-esteem (“On the whole, I am satisfied with myself”), and psychopathy (“I tend to lack remorse”). FLEX was shown to be made up of four components: impression management (“I am likely to show off if I get the chance”), the need for social validation (“It matters that I am seen at important events''), self-elevation (“I have exquisite taste”), and social dominance (“I like knowing more than other people”).

Overall, the results showed high correlations between FLEX and narcissism—but not with psychopathy. For example, the need for social validation (a FLEX metric) correlated with the reported tendency to engage in performative self-elevation (a characteristic of vulnerable narcissism). By contrast, measures of psychopathy, such as elevated levels of self-esteem, showed low correlation levels with vulnerable narcissism, implying a lack of insecurity. These findings suggest that genuine narcissists are insecure and are best described by the vulnerable narcissism subtype, whereas grandiose narcissism might be better understood as a manifestation of psychopathy.

The paper’s other authors were Helena Palmieri, an NYU psychology doctoral student at the time of the study, and Elena Conte, an NYU psychology undergraduate student.

Narcissistic people aren’t just full of themselves – new research finds they’re more likely to be aggressive and violent

From theconversation.com

The big idea

We recently reviewed 437 studies of narcissism and aggression involving a total of over 123,000 participants and found narcissism is related to a 21% increase in aggression and an 18% increase in violence.

Narcissism is defined as “entitled self-importance.” The term narcissism comes from the mythical Greek character Narcissus, who fell in love with his own image reflected in still water. Aggression is defined as any behavior intended to harm another person who does not want to be harmed, whereas violence is defined as aggression that involves extreme physical harm such as injury or death.

Our review found that individuals high in narcissism are especially aggressive when provoked, but are also aggressive when they aren’t provoked. Study participants with high levels of narcissism showed high levels of physical aggression, verbal aggression, spreading gossip, bullying others and even displacing aggression against innocent bystanders. They attacked in both a hotheaded and coldblooded manner. Narcissism was related to aggression in males and females of all ages from both Western and Eastern countries.

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People who think they are superior seem to have no qualms about attacking others whom they regard as inferior.

Why it matters

Research shows everyone has some level of narcissism, but some people have higher levels than others. The higher the level of narcissism, the higher the level of aggression.

People high in narcissism tend to be bad relationship partners, and they also tend to discriminate against others and to be low in empathy.

Unfortunately, narcissism is on the rise, and social media might be a contributing factor. Recent research found people who posted large numbers of selfies on social media developed a 25% rise in narcissistic traits over a four-month period. A 2019 survey by the smartphone company Honor found that 85% of people are taking more pictures of themselves than ever before. In recent years, social media has largely evolved from keeping in touch with others to flaunting for attention.

What other research is being done

One very important line of work investigates how people become narcissistic in the first place. For example, one study found that when parents overvalue, overestimate and overpraise their child’s qualities, their child tends to become more narcissistic over time. Such parents think their child is more special and entitled than other children. This study also found that if parents want their child to have healthy self-esteem instead of unhealthy narcissism, they should give unconditional warmth and love to their child.

Our review looked at the link between narcissism and aggression at the individual level. But the link also exists at the group level. Research has found that “collective narcissism” – or “my group is superior to your group” – is related to intergroup aggression, especially when one’s in-group (“us”) is threatened by an out-group (“them”).

How we do our work

Our study, called a meta-analytic review, combined data from multiple studies investigating the same topic to develop a conclusion that is statistically stronger because of the increased number of participants. A meta-analytic review can reveal patterns that aren’t obvious in any one study. It is like looking at the entire forest rather than at the individual trees.

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This one will take 2 weeks to unpack. The notes here will get you through both programs.
Narcissism, an Insecure Self Concept

I Corinthians 2,3

I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power,so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.

Romans 12:3

For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.

Narcissism through the lens of performative self-elevation

Author: Pascal Wallisch, a clinical associate professor in both New York University’s Department of Psychology and Center for Data Science

Narcissism is driven by insecurity, and not an inflated sense of self.

Narcissism Characteristics:

Symptom #1: Lacking Empathy

The vast majority of us are able to understand how others are feeling. Then we will generally act accordingly, reassuring people and offering sympathy if they are sad.. Even if you are having a terrible day, the narcissist is unlikely to sympathise, they may not even understand why you are sad at all.

Symptom #2: Conversation Hogger

You can’t get a word in edgewise

Symptom #3: Self-Importance

The narcissist will often feel as though they are the most important person in the room

Symptom #4: Rule Breaking

Narcissists tend to think that they are above ‘normal’ people and this includes the rules that others are expected to adhere to. This includes social rules such as queuing and waiting for your turn as the narcissist seems to think such rules are in place only for other people to abide by.

Symptom #5: Strives For Perfection

The narcissist needs everything to be perfect, all of the time. They place heavy expectations of perfection on themselves.

More specifically, the results suggest that narcissism is better understood as a compensatory adaptation to overcome and cover up low self-worth.

Helping the Narcissist

It is important that we look at this person as a person with a high degree or level of fear.

Coping with the Narcissistic person

1. Get everything in writing. If you are given verbal instructions at work, ask for them to be emailed to you. ...

2. Avoid a fight. ...

3. Realize it's not personal. ...

4. Don't give personal information or opinions to the narcissist. ...

5. Have a witness. ...

6. Avoid contact. ...

7. Know your legal rights.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder DSM-IV Criteria

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

A. A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

A. Significant impairments in personality functioning manifest by: 1. Impairments in self functioning (a or b):

1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements).

a. Identity: Excessive reference to others for self-definition and self-esteem regulation; exaggerated self-appraisal may be inflated or deflated, or vacillate between extremes; emotional regulation mirrors fluctuations in self-esteem.

1. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.

b. Self-direction: Goal-setting is based on gaining approval from others; personal standards are unreasonably high in order to see oneself as exceptional, or too low based on a sense of entitlement; often unaware of own motivations.

1. Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high- status people (or institutions).

AND

1. Requires excessive admiration.

2. Impairments in interpersonal functioning (a or b):

a. Empathy: Impaired ability to recognize or identify with the

1. Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.

feelings and needs of others; excessively attuned to reactions of others, but only if perceived as relevant to self; over- or underestimate of own effect on others.

1. Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends.

b. Intimacy: Relationships largely superficial and exist to serve self-esteem regulation; mutuality constrained by little genuine interest in others‟ experiences and predominance of a need for personal gain

1. Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.

B. Pathological personality traits in the following domain: 1. Antagonism, characterized by:

DSM-IV and DSM-5 Criteria for the Personality Disorders (trauma).

Looking for some extra research? Try these articles:
https://theconversation.com/narcissistic-people-arent-just-full-of-themselves-new-research-finds-theyre-more-likely-to-be-aggressive-and-violent-155815

https://www.nyu.edu/about/news-publications/news/2021/march/narcissism-driven-by-insecurity--not-grandiose-sense-of-self--ne.html

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The Stress of Returning to Work Post Covid

UC Riverside School of Psychology

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

We are a social being amygdala, a brain region that encodes salient (most important) information in the environment hippocampus, a region important for learning and memory, prefrontal cortex, a region important in decision making and social behavior.

1. These brain regions enables us to learn about and recognize emotional cues in others in order to more effectively navigate our social world. 3. The absence of the social interaction that our brain expects, increased isolation and loneliness can lead to increased risk for cognitive decline, as well as mental health consequences like depression Vulnerable members of the population, such as children, the elderly and those with underlying mental health concerns.

2. What this means for returning to work?

We have become conditioned to be alone and now we face people. Not to mention those who haven’t had to deal with their boss for a year and now they do. That can produce anxiety.

1. Fear is an emotion in response to an impending threat that motivates a reaction to protect the self: flee or withdraw. What this means for returning to work is that we may have become more used to interacting with fewer people and turning inwards so that a return to meetings, classes, and in-person social events can be overwhelming initially and lead to greater anxiety, particularly as we have not been fully exercising our social skills for over a year.

It is also important that we take the fear that we have about returning to work and bring it before the Lord.

When I fear I trust in you Psalm 56:3

When we worry it is the mental part of anxiety.

Happy are those who trust in the Lord, who rely on the Lord." Jeremiah 17:7

We take captive those thoughts II Corinthians 10:5

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The Session The Power of Play

Scripture: 2 Timothy 4:7

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith;

Research shows play can:

· improve children's abilities to plan

· Improve children’s ability to organize

· improve children’s ability to get along

· regulate emotions

Play helps with academics and stress

· language

· math

· social skills

· help with coping with stress

Reasons Children Don’t Play As Much:

· tightly structured family and school schedules,

· more parents working outside the home,

· fewer safe places to play,

· rising media use and screen

· preschoolers watches 4.5 hours of TV each day!

Recommendations:

· Pediatricians also advise parents to look for quality child care or preschool programs that include playful approaches to learning.

· Play is important from birth on. It facilitates healthy growth in all stages of development

Remember...

• Giving your child plenty of opportunities to play is one of the best ways to help them grow into curious, creative, healthy, and happy adults equipped with the skills they need today. Next time your child asks to play with you, jump at the opportunity! Share the joy of discovery as you connect with each other and the world around

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From sharefaith.com

5 Ways Church Leaders Can Improve Communication

The church relies on strong leadership. In fact, you might be surprised at how much the Bible has to say about the topic. At its heart, leadership is about influence. And for the church leader, the goal is to get people excited and invested in the church’s vision.

It’s almost impossible for leaders to flourish if they struggle in the communication department. But because they’re so busy, communication is one of those soft skills that many leaders don’t invest enough time into in order to improve.

Here are five tips for leveling up your communication game.

1. Maintain a consistent attitude

A leader doesn’t have to be perfect, just dependable. Predictability builds trust and helps model what you want to see from others. Even keeled, consistent leaders create space for two-way communication to thrive.

Moodiness and inconsistent behavior are like throwing a wet towel on communication. If people become nervous about what might set the leader off or result in a lecture, they’ll start second-guessing what ideas are safe to suggest or consider.

2. Work on your emotional intelligence

There are a lot of leadership skills to focus on, but few pack the wallop of learning to manage your emotions and understand the emotions of others. It helps you in several ways:

-You develop the ability to control and redirect negative emotions.

-You can put yourself in other people’s shoes and empathize with them.

-You learn to manage working relationships effectively.

Emotional intelligence feeds into so many significant areas. It helps you improve your team’s communication, it creates a healthy culture, and it enables you to become someone others trust. It also directly ties into point #1: emotional intelligence helps you maintain a consistent attitude.

3. Talk less

One temptation leaders face is over-communication. In an attempt to be understood, they can bury others in an avalanche of verbiage. By becoming better listeners, leaders can improve communication a hundredfold.

This includes:

-Actively listening to ensure that you understand the other person’s words and intent

-Being able to repeat what you heard the other person say

-Clarifying places where parties are misunderstanding one another

-Listening to understand, not to respond

-Fighting the urge to interrupt in order to hammer home your own point

-Wise leaders know that the less you talk, the more weight your words carry.

4. Ask the right questions

Good communication involves drawing the best out of people and engaging in ways that ensure you understand someone’s ideas and can weigh various options. But asking questions is about more than getting to the information you didn’t know. It’s also a tool for bringing someone around to your way of thinking.

Through questions, leaders can filter out all the noise and get to the heart of the issue: “How does this affect us?” They can help people focus on the positive instead of the negative: “But what are the opportunities here?”

Before you tell someone what to think, consider ways that a question might help someone see an issue from another vantage point.

5. Be fully engaged and present

There are a lot of things that threaten to keep leaders from being present when engaged with their team:

Stress

Distractions

Information overload

Interruptions

Worry

Hunger

Etc.

Unfortunately, engagement is a muscle that a leader needs to use, or else they lose it. If they allow themselves to get distracted and preoccupied, it becomes easier to be that way in the next meeting. Over time, people expect you not to be present, and they begin to disengage themselves.

When you commit to being fully present with your team, they feel respected, noticed, and appreciated, and they’re more likely to invest more of themselves in God’s work.

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This week's show, we briefly covered this article:
https://www.sharefaith.com/blog/2021/03/church-zoom-fatigue-what-it-is-and-how-to-manage-it/

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5 Important Keys for Fathers on Father’s Day

Scripture: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” ~ Ephesians 6:4

1. Be a Role Model - inside the house and the community

Demonstrate to your children how a husband loves his wife

a. It provides security. Hidden message is, if dad loves mom he must’ve me too.

b. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her Ephesians 5:25

1. Spend quality and quantity of time with your children.

a. Dad‘s get into your children’s world

b. Focus on the Family states that the average family spends 49 hours per week with the TV on vs. 39 minutes in meaningful conversation

1. Earn their Respect

Respect is earned, not demanded. I grew up with, ”Do as I say, not as I do!”

1. Be a Servant Leader

John 13:4-5 “Jesus got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist.After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.”

Help around the house. Sport Center can be taped.

Your children’s needs are very important. They feel loved and important when Dad does things to help them

1. Be Their Number One Cheerleader

Remember 8 top emotional needs are met when we celebrate a person.

It’s the celebration of success that motivates a person and takes them to the next level

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Here's the link to our notes from this week's show on Twisted Thinking! It's amazing, but we got through all 10 in one show! Next week, we dig into the ways to combat and untwisted our twisted thinking!

https://arfamiliesfirst.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Cognitive-Distortions.pdf

Find out more about Tom & Heritage Christian Counseling Ministries at https://www.heritagechristiancounselingministries.com
In Mansfield: 419-526-5523
In Ashland: 419-496-0007
In Shelby: 567-844-0036
Remote sessions are also available.

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Here's the link to our notes from this week's show on Twisted Thinking!  It's amazing, but we got through all 10 in one show!  Next week, we dig into the ways to combat and untwisted our twisted thinking!

https://arfamiliesfirst.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Cognitive-Distortions.pdf

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Session Stress/Worry

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” ~ Philippians 4:6-7

Worry is to think about problems or fears: to feel or show fear and concern because you think that something bad has happened or could happen. Worry feeds stress

Why do people get stressed ?

• work, finance, health, relationships, poor nutrition, and media overload. Even considering work stress alone, half a dozen variables factor in, including salary, workload,
• considering work stress alone, half a dozen variables factor in, including salary, workload, growth opportunities, conflicting demands, lack of support, and control. With constant demands on our time, energy, and emotions, it feels impossible to turn “off.” Instantly accessible at any moment, we’re always on-call and in-demand. No wonder we’re stressed out.
• What are the primary sources of my stress?
• How often do I pray about the factors in my life causing me stress?
• Do I trust God with my work, finances, health, relationships, and future?
• What effects does my stress have on my loved ones?

7 Ways Christians Should Deal With Stress and Anxiety By Aaron Loy (Relevant Magazine)

1. Admit There is a Problem

*Awareness and Ownership

1. Stop Self Medicating In Unhealthy Ways

*Examples include excessive snacking, drinking and camping out in front of the poo TV.

*These unhealthy habits only cause a cycle of stress an self-medication.

1. Take care of yourself Physically

*We are the temple of the Holy Spirit. It’s also important that we exercise.

1. Be Intentional About What Goes into Your Mind

Philippians 4:8 says this: “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Paul is pointing to the fact that what we fill our minds with has a profound effect on us.

1. Don’t Neglect the Spiritual.

*The enemy will whisper in your ear lies about your identity, your self-worth, your status before God, your past, your future, your hope. It is important that you recognize these for what they are.

1. Consider Seeing a Doctor

*Medicine is not a rejection of God’s power, but rather a provision of his grace. Sometimes it’s exactly what we need.

1. Embrace the Blessing of Brokenness

*If you are walking through the valley of anxiety right now, there is a way out, and I pray you find it. But in the meantime, don’t miss what God may have for you right where you are.

*Psalm 23

Exercise for Stress and Anxiety

The physical benefits of exercise — improving physical condition and fighting disease — have long been established, and physicians always encourage staying physically active.

Exercise is also considered vital for maintaining mental fitness, and it can reduce stress. Studies show that it is very effective at reducing fatigue, improving alertness and concentration, and at enhancing overall cognitive function. This can be especially helpful when stress has depleted your energy or ability to concentrate.

When stress affects the brain, with its many nerve connections, the rest of the body feels the impact as well. Or, if your body feels better, so does your mind. Exercise and other physical activity produce endorphins — chemicals in the brain that act as natural painkillers — and also improve the ability to sleep, which in turn reduces stress.

Scientists have found that regular participation in aerobic exercise has been shown to decrease overall levels of tension, elevate and stabilize mood, improve sleep, and improve self-esteem. About five minutes of aerobic exercise can begin to stimulate anti-anxiety effects.

Science has also provided some evidence that physically active people have lower rates of anxiety and depression than sedentary people. Exercise may improve mental health by helping the brain cope better with stress. In one study, researchers found that those who got regular vigorous exercise were 25 percent less likely to develop depression or an anxiety disorder over the next five years.

Science has also provided some evidence that physically active people have lower rates of anxiety and depression than sedentary people. Exercise may improve mental health by helping the brain cope better with stress. In one study, researchers found that those who got regular vigorous exercise were 25 percent less likely to develop depression or an anxiety disorder over the next five years.

Relationship of Exercise to Anxiety Disorders

Stress and anxiety are a normal part of life, but anxiety disorders, which affect 40 million adults, are the most common psychiatric illnesses in the U.S. The benefits of exercise may well extend beyond stress relief to improving anxiety and related disorders.

Psychologists studying how exercise relieves anxiety and depression suggest that a 10-minute walk may be just as good as a 45-minute workout. Some studies show that exercise can work quickly to elevate depressed mood in many people. Although the effects may be temporary, they demonstrate that a brisk walk or other simple activity can deliver several hours of relief, similar to taking an aspirin for a headache.

Science has also provided some evidence that physically active people have lower rates of anxiety and depression than sedentary people. Exercise may improve mental health by helping the brain cope better with stress. In one study, researchers found that those who got regular vigorous exercise were 25 percent less likely to develop depression or an anxiety disorder over the next five years.

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Session Stress/Worry

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” ~ Philippians 4:6-7

Worry is to think about problems or fears : to feel or show fear and concern because you think that something bad has happened or could happen. Worry feeds stress. Stress is the body's reaction to what the mind is thinking.

Why do people get stressed ?

• work, finance, health, relationships, poor nutrition, and media overload. Even considering work stress alone, half a dozen variables factor in, including salary, workload,
• considering work stress alone, half a dozen variables factor in, including salary, workload, growth opportunities, conflicting demands, lack of support, and control. With constant demands on our time, energy, and emotions, it feels impossible to turn “off.” Instantly accessible at any moment, we’re always on-call and in-demand. No wonder we’re stressed out.
• What are the primary sources of my stress?
• How often do I pray about the factors in my life causing me stress?
• Do I trust God with my work, finances, health, relationships, and future?
• What effects does my stress have on my loved ones?

7 Ways Christians Should Deal With Stress and Anxiety By Aaron Loy from Relevant Magazine

1. Admit There is a Problem. It creates awareness. It helps you take ownership of the problem

2. Stop Self Medicating In Unhealthy Ways

3. Examples include excessive snacking, drinking and camping out in front of the poo TV.

4. These unhealthy habits only cause a cycle of stress an self-medication.

5. Take care of yourself Physically. Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. It's important that we exercise.

6. Be Intentional About What Goes into Your Mind.

Philippians 4:8 says this: “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Paul is pointing to the fact that what we fill our minds with has a profound effect on us.

1. Don’t Neglect the Spiritual. The enemy will whisper in your ear lies about your identity, your self-worth, your status before God, your past, your future, your hope. It is important that you recognize these for what they are.

2. Consider Seeing a Doctor. Medicine is not a rejection of God’s power, but rather a provision of his grace. Sometimes it’s exactly what we need.

3. Embrace the Blessing of Brokenness. If you are walking through the valley of anxiety right now, there is a way out, and I pray you find it. But in the meantime, don’t miss what God may have for you right where you are. Remember Psalm 23.

Exercise for Stress and Anxiety

The physical benefits of exercise — improving physical condition and fighting disease — have long been established, and physicians always encourage staying physically active.

Exercise is also considered vital for maintaining mental fitness, and it can reduce stress. Studies show that it is very effective at reducing fatigue, improving alertness and concentration, and at enhancing overall cognitive function. This can be especially helpful when stress has depleted your energy or ability to concentrate.

When stress affects the brain, with its many nerve connections, the rest of the body feels the impact as well. Or, if your body feels better, so does your mind. Exercise and other physical activity produce endorphins — chemicals in the brain that act as natural painkillers — and also improve the ability to sleep, which in turn reduces stress.

Scientists have found that regular participation in aerobic exercise has been shown to decrease overall levels of tension, elevate and stabilize mood, improve sleep, and improve self-esteem. About five minutes of aerobic exercise can begin to stimulate anti-anxiety effects.

Science has also provided some evidence that physically active people have lower rates of anxiety and depression than sedentary people. Exercise may improve mental health by helping the brain cope better with stress. In one study, researchers found that those who got regular vigorous exercise were 25 percent less likely to develop depression or an anxiety disorder over the next five years.

Science has also provided some evidence that physically active people have lower rates of anxiety and depression than sedentary people. Exercise may improve mental health by helping the brain cope better with stress. In one study, researchers found that those who got regular vigorous exercise were 25 percent less likely to develop depression or an anxiety disorder over the next five years.

Relationship of Exercise to Anxiety Disorders

Stress and anxiety are a normal part of life, but anxiety disorders, which affect 40 million adults, are the most common psychiatric illnesses in the U.S. The benefits of exercise may well extend beyond stress relief to improving anxiety and related disorders.

Psychologists studying how exercise relieves anxiety and depression suggest that a 10-minute walk may be just as good as a 45-minute workout. Some studies show that exercise can work quickly to elevate depressed mood in many people. Although the effects may be temporary, they demonstrate that a brisk walk or other simple activity can deliver several hours of relief, similar to taking an aspirin for a headache.

Science has also provided some evidence that physically active people have lower rates of anxiety and depression than sedentary people. Exercise may improve mental health by helping the brain cope better with stress. In one study, researchers found that those who got regular vigorous exercise were 25 percent less likely to develop depression or an anxiety disorder over the next five years.

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Session Stress/Worry

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” ~ Philippians 4:6-7

Worry is to think about problems or fears: to feel or show fear and concern because you think that something bad has happened or could happen. Worry feeds stress

Why do people get stressed ?

• work, finance, health, relationships, poor nutrition, and media overload. Even considering work stress alone, half a dozen variables factor in, including salary, workload,
• considering work stress alone, half a dozen variables factor in, including salary, workload, growth opportunities, conflicting demands, lack of support, and control. With constant demands on our time, energy, and emotions, it feels impossible to turn “off.” Instantly accessible at any moment, we’re always on-call and in-demand. No wonder we’re stressed out.
• What are the primary sources of my stress?
• How often do I pray about the factors in my life causing me stress?
• Do I trust God with my work, finances, health, relationships, and future?
• What effects does my stress have on my loved ones?

7 Ways Christians Should Deal With Stress and Anxiety By Aaron Loy (Relevant Magazine)

1. Admit There is a Problem

*Awareness and Ownership

1. Stop Self Medicating In Unhealthy Ways

*Examples include excessive snacking, drinking and camping out in front of the poo TV.

*These unhealthy habits only cause a cycle of stress an self-medication.

1. Take care of yourself Physically

*We are the temple of the Holy Spirit. It’s also important that we exercise.

1. Be Intentional About What Goes into Your Mind

Philippians 4:8 says this: “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Paul is pointing to the fact that what we fill our minds with has a profound effect on us.

1. Don’t Neglect the Spiritual.

*The enemy will whisper in your ear lies about your identity, your self-worth, your status before God, your past, your future, your hope. It is important that you recognize these for what they are.

1. Consider Seeing a Doctor

*Medicine is not a rejection of God’s power, but rather a provision of his grace. Sometimes it’s exactly what we need.

1. Embrace the Blessing of Brokenness

*If you are walking through the valley of anxiety right now, there is a way out, and I pray you find it. But in the meantime, don’t miss what God may have for you right where you are.

*Psalm 23

Exercise for Stress and Anxiety

The physical benefits of exercise — improving physical condition and fighting disease — have long been established, and physicians always encourage staying physically active.

Exercise is also considered vital for maintaining mental fitness, and it can reduce stress. Studies show that it is very effective at reducing fatigue, improving alertness and concentration, and at enhancing overall cognitive function. This can be especially helpful when stress has depleted your energy or ability to concentrate.

When stress affects the brain, with its many nerve connections, the rest of the body feels the impact as well. Or, if your body feels better, so does your mind. Exercise and other physical activity produce endorphins — chemicals in the brain that act as natural painkillers — and also improve the ability to sleep, which in turn reduces stress.

Scientists have found that regular participation in aerobic exercise has been shown to decrease overall levels of tension, elevate and stabilize mood, improve sleep, and improve self-esteem. About five minutes of aerobic exercise can begin to stimulate anti-anxiety effects.

Science has also provided some evidence that physically active people have lower rates of anxiety and depression than sedentary people. Exercise may improve mental health by helping the brain cope better with stress. In one study, researchers found that those who got regular vigorous exercise were 25 percent less likely to develop depression or an anxiety disorder over the next five years.

Science has also provided some evidence that physically active people have lower rates of anxiety and depression than sedentary people. Exercise may improve mental health by helping the brain cope better with stress. In one study, researchers found that those who got regular vigorous exercise were 25 percent less likely to develop depression or an anxiety disorder over the next five years.

Relationship of Exercise to Anxiety Disorders

Stress and anxiety are a normal part of life, but anxiety disorders, which affect 40 million adults, are the most common psychiatric illnesses in the U.S. The benefits of exercise may well extend beyond stress relief to improving anxiety and related disorders.

Psychologists studying how exercise relieves anxiety and depression suggest that a 10-minute walk may be just as good as a 45-minute workout. Some studies show that exercise can work quickly to elevate depressed mood in many people. Although the effects may be temporary, they demonstrate that a brisk walk or other simple activity can deliver several hours of relief, similar to taking an aspirin for a headache.

Science has also provided some evidence that physically active people have lower rates of anxiety and depression than sedentary people. Exercise may improve mental health by helping the brain cope better with stress. In one study, researchers found that those who got regular vigorous exercise were 25 percent less likely to develop depression or an anxiety disorder over the next five years.

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Three biblical truths for single mothers by Timberley from Living our Priorities

If any of you is deficient in wisdom, let him ask of the giving God [Who gives] to everyone liberally and ungrudgingly, without reproaching or faultfinding, and it will be given him.”

~ James 1:5 (AMPC)

God’s Wisdom

· A message to the single mother.

God has so much love, and compassion for you; that through Jesus Christ, He has given you

everything you need to raise your family with nothing missing and nothing lacking!

Ask God for guidance; whether or not to take a promotion at work, whether or not to date.

Bring your fear to Him

A Balanced Schedule

· Quality time over a quantity of time

· Be creative if money is an issue

· Your first ministry begins at home, and when we live a balanced life, God will see to it that we have everything we need.

God’s Provision

· If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities. Luke 16:10 (NLT)

· Being a single mom motivates prayer for God’s provision. Wanting His wisdom, directs us to the right information or resources that would help us manage what we have.

· Focusing on the positive, what we do have, is very important in being a role model to your children. Relying on Philippians 4:13 will be very valuable to them.

· First time moms

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made great in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that His power might rest in me. II. Cor. 12:9

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To Single Moms On Mother’s Day (From Crosswalk.com)

Psalm: 147:3

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

1. Worship First-Start your day with worship. Open up your heart to God’s work in you as a mother

2. Reach Out-Plan an outing with other single mothers to encourage one another as you travel the single parent journey

3. Take Time For Yourself-Prioritize yourself in your scheduling-take time to find an inexpensive

baby sitting swap. Find a teenager that is trusted to come over when you are home to play with your children so you have time to yourself. Journal how your children have blessed you

1. Plan Regular Fun Days-no chores projects

From Arise Ministries Blessings for single moms

· YOU are the greatest because you set the course of their path. By the age of three, 85% of a child’s brain is wired. Mom, you are the real “brain developer.”

· YOU are the greatest because you understand that the profession of motherhood is about intentional influence. You’re the one who seeks healing from your own past hurts. You’re the one who intentionally models well by exhibiting a positive presence in the home.

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The Session - Mothers’ Day

Proverbs 31:28–29: "Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 'Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.'"

Mothers often feel:

· Not important

· Examples

Would someone please let the dog

in?

Dinner time and no one comes

Please put your coat away

Leaving clothes all around your room

· Mothers Need Respectful Appreciation

When their needs are respected

(Done) they feel appreciated

Leviticus 19:3: “Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father. I am the LORD your God” (ESV).

· Fathers Should Model Respect

Dad’s should teach their children to respect what mom says and needs. This happens when Dad demonstrates respecting what mom says and needs.

If dad ignores mom, so will the children

· Dad’s should create an atmosphere that celebrates mom and her sacrificial efforts.

Examples

Cooking

Laundry

Taxi Service

· Husbands speak highly of your wives to the children

· Husbands demonstrate love to your wives in front of the children

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Psalm 4:8 “I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for you, LORD, only make me dwell in safety."

Rule Out Physical Causes

· see your family doctor

· High blood pressure

· Stomach problems - hunger

Anxiety Produced Insomnia

· very common

· Anxiety is an energy that is another name for feelings

Depression Produced Insomnia

· Early morning awakening

· Like anxiety depression is an energy that we refer to as feelings

Helps

· Determine if you are either anxious, depressed or experiencing a physical cause like hunger or too hot or cold

· Muscle Flexing Strategy

start with your calves and flex them

work your wasp until you are flexing

your abs and arms.

Hold for a 3 count and slowly release

the muscle groups one at a time

· If you are worried it is important to change your thoughts.
•music

• list

• make an appointment with yourself

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James 5:7-8 “Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.

Impatience is the tendency to be impatient; irritability or restlessness. "she crumpled up the pages in a burst of impatience"

The primary cause of impatience seems to be the dislike or fear of certain feelings, and the effort to escape those feelings through action.

3 Tips to Relieve Impatience - Christianity Today

1. Rejoice in Affliction Just as You Would in Pleasure

as Romans 12:12 tells us, "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." As Christians, our joy and peace is not determined by our circumstance of waiting but on the Person of Christ.

2. Depend on God's Faithfulness, Not Yours.

If we had to rely only on our own abilities and faithfulness, we would be pretty much hopeless. Our destiny and

provision, however do not depend on our faithfulness but on God's. the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22

3. We Should Rely on the Holy Spirit

But the good news is that God does not leave us ill-equipped. When we experience His in-filling through The Holy Spirit, He works in our hearts and imputes attitudes that make us more like Christ—one of which will include patience.

Health Research, from Huff Post

Those with short fuses, take notice. A new study suggests that impatient people may be at risk of aging faster than those who are more patient. Impatience is linked to cognitive and social incompetence, inability to cope with life frustration and risk of mental disorders

Tom Russell

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Living In The Victory Of The Cross

1. Because of Jesus We Have Victory Over Sin

· Deuteronomy 20:4

For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.”

· I John 1:9

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

1. Because of Jesus Victory on the Cross We Have Victory Over Temptation

· I Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also

provide a way out so that you can endure it.

1. Living in Victory Means We Can Be Delivered From Our Addictions and Former Lifestyle

2. Psalm 3:8

From the LORD comes deliverance.

May your blessing be on your people.

1. I John 5:4

2. Because of Jesus Victory on The Cross We Have Faith in Him And We can Live In Victory for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith.Because Of Jesus

3. Victory On The Cross We Have Evidence That God Loves Us.

· Romans 8:31-32

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

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https://www.allprodad.com/things-dads-do-no-one-notices/

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3 Fuels of Anger

1. Hurt Feelings. Unmet Needs value, importance

2. Share your feelings with a trusted

relationship

• Write a letter to the person who hurt

you

• safe place picture
  I Peter 5:7

Cast all your anxiety on him

because he cares for you.

• If Jesus talk to you about Your hurt what would He say?

• If you could picture Him holding you what would that feel like?

• Frustration

Examples include any of the northeastern Ohio professional sports teams.

The “self check out” machines at Kroger’s or Sam’s Club with 8 people in line behind you

Often times associated with high expectations
Lowering the bar puts a person in position to be successful and celebrating them when they are.

John 16:33 “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."

1. Fear

2. The third fuel of anger is fear.

3. Those things that create fear in us typically create anger too
4. And example is intense rage is an intense fear
5. And unhealthy fear becomes and unhealthy power
6. It indicates a power shortage of healthy power
7. Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God I will strengthen you and help you I will uphold you with my righteous right hand they will walk and not be faint.
8. Fear File

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https://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/parenting/parenting-challenges/single-parenting/how-can-the-single-mom-do-it/

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https://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/staying-married/10-ideas-to-give-your-marriage-a-fresh-start/

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10 Ideas for a fresh start

1. First Things First

2. what are you problem exists real lying yourself with how God loves you.

3. Paul David Tripp stated relationships are first fixed vertically before they are fixed horizontally

4. Love ones neighbor as oneself Mark 12:28-34

5. Ruthlessly Hunt Gratitude

6. Studies of brain scans show gratitude has been linked closely to happiness

7. Figure Out What’s Eating Your Grapes

*Song of Solomon speaks of chasing out the foxes in your vineyard (2:15)

• lack of rest, no calendar space, or lack of resolution

• Set guard rails on your thoughts

• when thinking about your spouse embrace II Cor. 10:5 take every thought captive and

Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers & sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is

right . . . . . THINK ON THESE THINGS

1. Go against the grain

2. create the romance you want to see, even though your feelings are in it just yet. Devise a creative romantic evening write a love note. Take a shower together

3. Own Up

4. Psalm 129:23-24 search me oh God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts and see if there’s any grievous way in me, and leave me in the way everlasting

5. Spend what’s precious on your mate

6. if that means time, energy, cash or attention make it a top priority

7. For a fresh start being intentional or proactive

8. use Softening which speaks to how are you feel when a positive need is met

9. Study hard

10. it’s been said to get your PhD in your spouse. Know and understand their

stress, desires, grieving or joys

1. Get down (on your knees)

Beg God for oneness, passion, enduring love

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The Session 9 Lies That Destroy Marriage

https://twitter.com/DalyFocus/status/1336663364097871873

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh"? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate' (Matthew 19:4-6, ESV)

Top 9 lies that destroy marriage

1. Happiness is the primary goal

· compared to joy happiness is temporary fleeting feeling

1. Marriage is all about unity, not individuality

· It is possible to smother our marriage partner. 2 whole people become one

1. The only thing couples need is love

· commitment, personal relationship with Jesus, the top 4/respect The five cylinder intimacy engine

1. You must sacrifice who you are for the sake of your marriage

· The I and we circle.

1. You must meet each other’s needs.

· If you do you will have a dependent marriage. There is a difference in wellness and marriage wellness

1. Your differences are irreconcilable

· Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. / Honoring

1. You must work hard to earn your spouse’s love.

· Marriage isn’t work. It is prioritized

1. You must “fix” your spouse.

· 70% of couples want counseling to fix their spouse

1. To compromise is to lose the argument.

· Is the goal to win the argument? An argument is like a major auto accident that both marriage partners are in. Wouldn’t you care about is your wife / husband ok?

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The Session 9 Lies That Destroy Marriage

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh"? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate' (Matthew 19:4-6, ESV)

Top 9 lies that destroy marriage

1. Happiness is the primary goal

2. compared to joy happiness is temporary fleeting feeling

3. Marriage is all about unity, not individuality

4. It is possible to smother our marriage partner. 2 whole people become one

5. The only thing couples need is love

6. commitment, personal relationship with Jesus, the top 4/respect The five cylinder intimacy engine

7. You must sacrifice who you are for the sake of your marriage

8. The I and we circle.

9. You must meet each other’s needs.

10. If you do you will have a dependent marriage. There is a difference in wellness and marriage wellness

11. Your differences are irreconcilable

12. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. / Honoring

13. You must work hard to earn your spouse’s love.

14. Marriage isn’t work. It is prioritized

15. You must “fix” your spouse.

16. 70% of couples want counseling to fix their spouse

17. To compromise is to lose the argument.

18. Is the goal to win the argument? An argument is like a major auto accident that both marriage partners are in. Wouldn’t you care about is your wife / husband ok?

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The Session/Laughter

Job 8:21

He will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouting.

Dr. Les Parrot reports research from the Mayo Clinic:

• laughter is medicine
• Reduces the physical signs of stress
• Increases oxygen flow
• calms the body stress response
• relives physical tension
• boosts your mood
• long term positive impact on the immune system and overall health

Laughing releases endorphins feel good cells

Forbes Research Report

• Laughter contagiously forms social bonds.
• Laughter fosters brain connectivity. Not all laughter is the same, and it turns out that decoding a laugh is more challenging than it seems. Joyous laughter - sometimes defensive example wedding
• taunting laughter example evil laughter in a movie
• tickling laughter example laughing so hard you could cry or you lose your composure
• Laughter is a great facilitator of relationship

facilitates acceptance and approval

Laughter protects your heart. Research has shown that laughter has an anti-inflammatory effect that protects blood vessels and heart muscles from the damaging effects of cardiovascular disease

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We won't be able to cover everything, so here's the notes! Test yourself and see where you fit in!

https://www.inverse.com/mind-body/workaholics

When does a hard worker become a workaholic?

That's the question scientists sought to answer in a 2017 study spanning 50 years of organizational psychology research on workaholism. The researchers aren't interested in “overpathologizing a common and often positive behavior such as work,” the team writes in the study.

Rather, they hope to outline the clinical characteristics of workaholics so this group can get the help they need to avoid negative downstream effects on their lives.

Workaholism isn't a new concept. In fact, minister and psychologist Wayne Oates coined the term in 1971, describing a worker who feels the “compulsion to work incessantly.”

It's a “person whose need for work has become so excessive that it creates noticeable disturbance or interference with his bodily health, personal happiness, and interpersonal relations, and with his smooth social functioning,” Oates writes.

This isn't a tiny fraction of all workers. Scientists estimate 10 percent of the United States adult population are workaholics. Researchers have seen similar numbers in Japan, Australia, South Africa, and South Korea.

To get a sense of your propensity for workaholism, you can use the Bergen Work Addiction Scale. It uses seven basic criteria to identify work addiction, where all items are scored on the following scale: (1) Never, (2) Rarely, (3) Sometimes, (4) Often, and (5) Always:

You think of how you can free up more time to work.

You spend much more time working than initially intended.

You work in order to reduce feelings of guilt, anxiety, helplessness, and depression.

You have been told by others to cut down on work without listening to them.

You become stressed if you are prohibited from working.

You deprioritize hobbies, leisure activities, and exercise because of your work.

You work so much that it has negatively influenced your health.

If you score often or always on at least four of the seven items, it may suggest you are a workaholic.

If you find yourself edging towards workaholism — if a partner starts complaining about your work habits' strain on the relationship or you're experiencing signs of burnout — there are ways to transform your habits.

While no documented treatment for workaholism exists, there are some strategies you can try:

Recharge: Research shows long work hours alone don't necessarily hijack health and well-being. Rather, it's the inability to stop thinking about work that's problematic. Unplugging and unwinding when you're off the clock can help you replenish energy reserves to create a healthy work-life balance.

Set boundaries: Creating a clearer time to start and stop work is crucial to developing a sustainable routine. This can be especially hard while working from home or in close proximity to the computer. Designating a specific workspace can also help create that separation.

Talk it out: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is the most well-documented and effective treatment approach for behavioral addictions, including workaholism. This form of therapy can help people turn negative emotional reactions to certain scenarios into more constructive and positive feelings. The process can also help pinpoint the root motivating factor behind the incessant need to work.

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Setting goals IS a good thing.  For me (Scott), one goal is to spend at least 5 minutes per day stretching out his back.  For you, it might be something else.  Tom and I talk about making goals that are:
Specific-Like for me (Scott), spend at least 5 minutes a day stretching my back.
Measurable-You have certain specific things to do to reach the goal
Actionable-your goal has defined actions to take.
Reviseable-If your goal is too big or not big enough, you can revise it.
Time sensitive-that you can change over time.

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https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/christmas-activities/

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It's so hard to help your children focus on the real meaning of Christmas. We have a few thoughts for you.

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After our Thanksgiving break, we unpack 7 simple traditions you could use to help teach your kids the real meaning of Christmas.  And guess what....Santa is one of them!  Think we're nuts?  Listen to this week's edition of The Session!
https://finds.life.church/7-simple-traditions-teach-kids-real-meaning-christmas/

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Seven Things Pastors’ Wives Wish They Had Been Told Before They Became Pastors’ Wives

Thom S. Rainer

April 6, 2013

I am especially grateful to have the opportunity to hear from pastors’ wives since much of my focus is on pastors. Our recent, informal survey simply asked the open-ended question: “What do you wish you had been told before you became a minister’s wife?”

Thank you to the pastors’ wives who were willing to give us such great feedback. And thanks to Chris Adams for doing the survey and to Amy Jordan for assembling the data.

The responses are in order of frequency. A representative comment follows each response.

1. I wish someone had told me just to be myself. “I am a people-pleaser by nature, so for me, not being prepared to handle being a pastor’s wife with my personality was a heavy burden to carry early in our ministry.”
2. I wish someone had prepared me to deal with criticism of my husband and me. “It was hard to deal with negative experiences, conflicts, or criticisms, especially in relation to my husband and our area of ministry. So I would harbor feelings of resentment when it came to ministry and my man.”
3. I wish someone had reminded me that my husband is human. “I wish someone had told me that my husband could not be God for me. I was disillusioned at first to find out that he indeed is just a man.”
4. I wish someone had told me that others were watching us (the glass house syndrome). “Even though they are watching us, we don’t need to be controlled by what they expect of us.”
5. I wish someone had told me there are some really mean people in the church. “I was really surprised. I had to learn not to pay too much attention to them or they would get me down.”
6. I wish someone had told me how much my husband needs me to build him up. “I need to be his cheerleader. Dealing with critics in the church is difficult. He needs to hear that I respect him now more than ever.”
7. I wish someone had told me that my schedule will never be normal again. “Your husband will be very busy. Expect that. But come alongside him in the areas of time management and organization.”

One pastor’s wife told us that her role was like getting a job for which she never applied. She wrote this funny script in her response:

Husband: “Honey, I got you a job today.”

Wife: “Really? Okay, but I wasn’t looking for a job. I have plenty to do here running the household and raising the kids. That was our plan, right? Me stay home with the kids so you could fully dedicate yourself to the ministry.”

Husband: “Yeah, yeah. But I really need you take this job for me.”

Wife: “Well, okay, just tell me what to do and when it needs to be done by, and I will do everything I can to make it happen.”

Husband: “Well, right now there are no specific responsibilities. Basically, it’s just doing anything at church that no one else steps up to do or wants to do.”

Wife: “Oh my, that is a tall order. Okay, I’ll do it. I guess we could use the extra money anyway. Things are always tight around here on a pastor’s salary.

Husband: “Well, actually honey, there is no salary . . .”