Straight Wife Trans Life: Recent Episodes
Liese
Follow the real journey of a straight wife as her husband of 13+ years comes out as transgender and they adjust to the changes.
My father-in-law visited for the first time in four years, after a difficult start with my spouse's transition. In this episode, I talk with my spouse about how she decided it was time to invite her parents for a visit and whether it went as expected. Ultimately, relationships can be complicated but life is short.
Due to current events in the US:
- Rainbow Railroad
- TransLash: Trans Relocation Guide -- Finding Trans Aslyum and Safe Havens
- Transgender Law Center Resources
- US: LGBTQ+ equality maps: MAP
- Europe: LGBTQ+ equality maps: ILGA
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- Advocates for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women's Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
More transgender related podcats:
- FeedSpot Podcasts: 100 Best Transgender Podcasts
Get in touch, I'm happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters,Lambda Legal, Advocates for Trans Equality, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
Our son just finished his first school year in a new country. This episode is a quick check-in of how it was, if he feels the perception of having a transgender parent is different here, and if he has any advice for other kids with a transitioning parent.
Due to current events in the US:
- Rainbow Railroad
- TransLash: Trans Relocation Guide -- Finding Trans Aslyum and Safe Havens
- Transgender Law Center Resources
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- Advocates for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women's Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Get in touch, I'm happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters,Lambda Legal, Advocates for Trans Equality, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
We've all seen it and some of us have done it: the people or companies who show allyship during Pride month and then pack it all up at the end of June and store it away until next year, like it's a holiday. In this episode, let's explore what performative allyship is, why it is harmful, and how to avoid it.
Mentioned or related to this episode:
- Library of Congress: 1969: The Stonewall Uprising
- Rizing Tide Foundation: Identifying and Dismantling Performative Allyship
- IGLTA: Pride Calender
- Outright International: Pride Around the World
- Volvo Group: LGBTQ+ Flags and What They Stand For
- We Shape Tech: Performative Allyship: How to Spot it and Avoid Engaging with it
- Seventeen (video): What is Performative Allyship?
- Workplace: GLAAD's Recommendations for Corporate Allies
- Workplace (PDF): LGBT Great: Striving for More - Authentic Allyship Guide
Due to current events in the US:
- Rainbow Railroad
- TransLash: Trans Relocation Guide -- Finding Trans Aslyum and Safe Havens
- Transgender Law Center Resources
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- Advocates for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women's Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Get in touch, I'm happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters,Lambda Legal, Advocates for Trans Equality, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
I call baloney on anyone who suggests that only a man and woman can lay the foundation for a so-called nuclear family. As someone whose marriage began in the heterosexual sense and morphed into a mixed orientation marriage, we remain more traditional than most. In this episode, my spouse and I chat about the term nuclear family and why it is anti-LGBTQ+ at the core.
Mentioned or related to this episode:
- Advocate: June is Pride Month. Tennessee Republicans Say it's 'Nuclear Family Month'
- Raising Children Network: How to Support LGBTQ+ Families in Your Community
- QueerAF: Challenging the "Nuclear Family" Helps Everyone, Not Just Queer Families
Due to current events in the US:
- Rainbow Railroad
- TransLash: Trans Relocation Guide -- Finding Trans Aslyum and Safe Havens
- Transgender Law Center Resources
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- Advocates for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women's Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Get in touch, I'm happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters,Lambda Legal, Advocates for Trans Equality, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
A brief dive into how anti-transgender hate bills and laws are set in motion. It is a well-coordinated, 50-year-running long con to dismantle democracy.
Mentioned or related to this episode:
- PBS LearningMedia: How Laws are Made in Congress
- Rock the Vote: State Legislatures, An Explainer
- American Bar Association: What is an Executive Order?
- Video: Human Rights Campaign - Who's Behind the Anti-LGBTQ+ Movement?
- ACLU: Project 2025 Explained
- Greenpeace: The Heritage Foundation
- PBS News Hour: What is Christian Nationalism and Why it Raises Concerns about Threats to Democracy
- Common Cause Foundation: Why Does Big Oil Bankroll the Anti-Trans Movement?
- Open Secrets: Top Contributors, Federal Election Data for DT, 2024
- Open Secrets: Companies that Publicly Condemned Anti-LGBTQ Legislation, Sent Political Contributions to Advancing Anti-LGBTQ Legislation
- Greenpeace: The Fossil Fuel Industry is Inherently Patriarchal and Criminal
- Williams Institute: The Impact of Anti-Transgender Legislation on Youth
- ACLU: The Impacts of Anti-Transgender Laws and Policies
- ACLU: Mapping Attacks on LGBTQ Rights in State Legislature
- Erin in the Morning to follow for transgender legislation updates
Due to current events in the US:
- Rainbow Railroad
- TransLash: Trans Relocation Guide -- Finding Trans Aslyum and Safe Havens
- Transgender Law Center Resources
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- Advocates for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women's Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Get in touch, I'm happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters,Lambda Legal, Advocates for Trans Equality, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
New laws are trying to erase transgender people and Law SB 244 that recently passed in the U.S. state of Kansas is a prime example. Transgender people are here to stay and in this episode, I touch on how wasteful and cruel this law is for the transgender community, a sliver of the population who are people like the rest of us.
Mentioned or related to this episode:
- ACLU: Understanding the SB 244 Law in Kansas
- Kansas SB 244 Law Details
- Request Assistance from ACLU Kansas
- Transgender Law Center Resources
- Lamda Legal
- LGBTQ Foundation of Kansas
- Trans Lawrence Coalition
- Boots on the Ground Midwest
- Transgender Institute (Kansas City, MO)
- PFLAG Kansas City (including KS)
- Erin in the Morning to follow for transgender legislation updates
- Advocate & Educator to follow on Instagram
Due to current events in the US:
- Rainbow Railroad
- TransLash: Trans Relocation Guide -- Finding Trans Aslyum and Safe Havens
- Transgender Law Center Resources
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- Advocates for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women's Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Get in touch, I'm happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters,Lambda Legal, Advocates for Trans Equality, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
In this episode, my spouse shares whether she has regrets not coming out sooner and touches on the topic of what might have been missed since she came out as an adult.
Due to current events in the US:
- Rainbow Railroad
- TransLash: Trans Relocation Guide -- Finding Trans Aslyum and Safe Havens
- Transgender Law Center Resources
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- Advocates for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women's Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Get in touch, I'm happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, Advocates for Trans Equality, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
The new season begins with a reflection on the fourth year post-disclosure and how things looked then versus now.
Mentioned in or related to this episode:
- PFLAG and International PFLAG: Support, Education, and Advocacy for LGBTQ+ People and their Loved Ones
Due to current events in the US:
- Rainbow Railroad
- TransLash: Trans Relocation Guide -- Finding Trans Aslyum and Safe Havens
- Transgender Law Center Resources
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- Advocates for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women's Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Get in touch, I'm happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, Advocates for Trans Equality, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
The season ends with a message of hope and an encore interview with special guest, Abbe Kruger. Abbe is a life coach who dedicates herself to supporting cisgender and straight spouses or partners, and couples, managing changes in sexuality, gender identity and gender expression. Abbe can help you anywhere in the world, you can contact her here.
The podcast returns in January. Thank you for listening and here's to hoping for a wonderful year ahead.
Mentioned in or related to this episode:
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
- Them: How to Prepare for your First Visit Home after Transitioning
- TransVitae: Helping Your Family Accept a Transgender Partner
- Pronoun Pins: Human Rights Campaign pronoun pins , PFLAG pronoun buttons, Dissent pins, Etsy pronoun pins
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- Advocates for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women's Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Get in touch, I'm happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
It is an ongoing calculation to decide when to tell someone new that your spouse is transgender. Everyone in your circle may know, but one still has to decide if it is necessary, if you think your spouse will be okay with it if they're not there, and whether it is even up to your spouse when you feel like it is the right moment to share that piece of information with someone new.
In this episode, my spouse and I discuss a recent situation where we were caught off guard and another where I made the decision to tell someone that she happens to be transgender.
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- Advocates for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women's Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Get in touch, I'm happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
I asked my 12-year-old to share his perspective on moving abroad and squeezed out just enough to create a short episode. It is a reminder that kids are resilient and can handle big things as long as there is a support network to lean on — in this case, he has his parents plus family and friends from afar.
There are lots of books, podcasts, resources and groups online to help you and your kids with an overseas move and even more specific to your situation and where you are going -- if you are planning a move, I encourage finding those groups and resources to help make the process feel less daunting.
Mentioned or related to this episode:
- First interview with my son: Perspective from a 10-year-old
- Second interview with my son: A Child's Perspective on FFS
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- Advocates for Trans Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women's Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Get in touch, I'm happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, Trans Formations Project, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
In this episode, my spouse shares her feelings about moving abroad. "We are not chess pieces," she says, regarding the current anti-transgender climate in the US. That says it all.
Mentioned or related to this episode:
- USA Today: Safest States for Gay and Trans People
- Rainbow Railroad
- TransLash: Trans Relocation Guide -- Finding Trans Aslyum and Safe Havens
- Erin in the Morning: Countries Should Accept Transgender Refugees from the U.S.
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- Advocates for Trans Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women's Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Get in touch, I'm happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, Trans Formations Project, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
You know how we sometimes dissect our night out on the way home from an event — you think about things you said, what others said, what you would do differently. That’s what it feels like I’ve been doing after living abroad for two months — looking back and wondering if things are as bad as I thought they were, and if we made the right move.
This can’t be covered in one episode but let’s explore how things are currently looking from here.
Mentioned or related to this episode:
- ACLU: Mapping Attacks on LGBTQ Rights in U.S. State Legislatures in 2025
- NBC News: Texas to Become 20th State with Transgender Bathroom Law
- Lambda Legal: Identiy Document Guidance for Transgender, Nonbinary, Gender-Noncomforming, and Intersex People
- TransLash: Trans Relocation Guide -- Finding Trans Aslyum and Safe Havens
- Erin in the Morning: Countries Should Accept Transgender Refugees from the U.S.
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- Advocates for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, Trans Formations Project, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
In the U.S., the current administration has fueled a hate-filled climate toward transgender people that is false, dangerous, and manipulative. It is a loss for the U.S. when smart, kind, caring people who have the burden of carrying the stigma that the transgender label brings — leave the U.S.
In this episode, I share why our family of three, plus one dog, packed up decades of life into nine suitcases and a few carry-ons and left the United States.
Mentioned or related to this episode:
- NPR: A Pioneering Gender-Affirming Health Institute Opened in 1919
- Netflix Documentary: ELDORADO -- Everything the Nazis Hate
- Visit Berlin: Magnus Hirschfeld -- Soul of the Queer Community
- QueerAF: Learning about the first trans clinic
- Independent: Trump has Declared War on the Transgender Community, Leaving Americans to Seek Asylum -- from America
- Lambda Legal: Identiy Document Guidance for Transgender, Nonbinary, Gender-Noncomforming, and Intersex People
- TransLash: Trans Relocation Guide -- Finding Trans Aslyum and Safe Havens
- Erin in the Morning: Countries Should Accept Transgender Refugees from the U.S.
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- Advocates for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, Trans Formations Project, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
The big news in this episode is that I am taking a little hiatus until mid to late August due to a big move with my spouse and our son. I'll miss you until then!
I leave you with a few self-care tips that I hope are fresh enough to help carry each of us forward as we wade through these uncertain times.
Chin up and onward we go, together.
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- Advocates for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee or donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, Trans Formations Project, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
It is easy to get distracted and drift off in one direction a little more than anticipated; sometimes we need to pause and hit the reset button when that happens. Recently, I have been laying it on thick as an ally to my spouse while forgetting about my own needs — not too difficult to do in these crazy times. While I reset, I reshare a talk with my son regarding his perspective about when my spouse came out as transgender. It’s a reminder that things aren’t that complicated and people are people.
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- Advocates for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee or donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, Trans Formations Project, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
Meet Jimmy Chen, the founder of Trans Voice Lab that offers online gender affirming voice lessons. Jimmy just released his book titled Owning Your Voice, an introduction to his concept of functional vocal training. He has a large social media following with the voice content he creates.
Follow along with exercises Jimmy shares in this episode and check out the Trans Voice Lab website to learn more about Jimmy, his gender affirming voice lessons, and to purchase his book.
Mentioned or related to this episode:
- Trans Voice Lab website
- Jimmy Chen's book, eBook, and audiobook
- Find Jimmy on TikTok, YouTube, Instagram, Facebook
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- Advocates for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee or donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, Trans Formations Project, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
In this episode, meet Renée Yoxon, a gender-affirming voice teacher who has created a suite of online voice courses to help you or the transgender or nonbinary person in your life to feminize, masculinize, or find something in between to shape that preferred this-is-me sound when speaking.
Renée discusses their background, tips for voice health, and not allowing your fears to prevent you from beginning your voice transition journey. They also walk me through a voice exercise that you can find in the freebies section of their website.
The goal: "there isn't a final goal... really what you're working towards is using your voice in everyday life in a way that doesn't feel like you're thinking about it all the time..."
Mentioned or related to this episode:
- Renée Yoxon's website
- Renée's courses
- Renée's freebies
- Sign up for Renée's newsletter
- Find Renée on YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, Bluesky
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- Advocates for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee or donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, Trans Formations Project, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
Two weeks post vocal feminization surgery, we hear what my spouse sounds like as she slowly recovers. She was on vocal rest for the past weeks and we talk about how she communicated, her reasons for opting for vocal surgery, and what she hopes the outcome will be in the months ahead.
My favorite word in this episode: otolaryngology. Say that ten times.
Mentioned or related to this episode:
- Text-to-speech generator
- Phone app text-to speech generator (Google Play)
- Type of vocal surgery: VFSRAC -- Vocal Fold Shortening and Retrodisplacement Anterior Commissure
- Medical team who performed this surgery
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- Advocates for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee or donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, Trans Formations Project, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
On the eve of her vocal feminization surgery, I talk to my spouse about surgeries she has had at this stage of her transition, the surgery decision process, and how she is feeling going into this one.
Mentioned or related to this episode:
- GLAAD: Transgender Day of Visibility, March 31
- FOLX: LGBTQ+ health care provider
- HRC: Get the Facts on Gender Affirming Care
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- Advocates for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee or donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, Trans Formations Project, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
MAR 16, 2025SHARE
In this episode, I talk to my mom in her eighties about her reaction when I told her that my spouse had come out as transgender.
My favorite quote from our talk: “You’re not the one who has the right to judge.”
Mentioned or related to this episode:
- American Field Service (AFS)
- Book my parents read: She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders, by Jennifer Finney Boylan
- PFLAG National for friend and family ally support
- PFLAG International for friend and family ally support
- Book I recently read and recommend: Dear Cisgender People: A Guide to Trans Allyship and Empathy, by Kenny Ethan Jones
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- Advocates for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee or donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, Trans Formations Project, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
Telling your parents that your spouse has come out as transgender can be quite stressful; no two family dynamics are the same. In this episode, I talk to my midwestern, cisgender, former United States Navy officer, highly educated dad in his eighties about his reaction when I told him that my spouse had come out as transgender.
My favorite quote from our talk: “The only change would be our nasty attitude and that just makes no sense.”
FYI: The podcast is now available on YouTube, too.
Mentioned or related to this episode:
- Book my dad read: She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders, by Jennifer Finney Boylan
- PFLAG National for friend and family ally support
- PFLAG International for friend and family ally support
- Book I recently read and recommend: Dear Cisgender People: A Guide to Trans Allyship and Empathy, by Kenny Ethan Jones
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- Advocates for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee or donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, Trans Formations Project, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
The news headlines about attempts to erase the transgender community can do a number on us. Partner up, it’s going to be an unpredictable, bumpy ride. Rest when you need to, stay hydrated, and keep being you. Allies, time to step up.
Trans Lifeline: Resources for Dealing with Post-Election Grief
Mentioned or related to this episode:
- USA Today: Utah bill would ban Pride flags in public schools but allow Nazi flags for educational use
- The Salt Lake Tribune: Utah Republican amends anti-pride flag bill hours after saying Nazi, Confederate flags could be displayed in schools
- NPR: Park Service erases 'transgender' on Stonewall website, uses the term 'LGB' movement
- ABC News: Transgender references removed from Stonewall National Monument website
- Recommended: Erin in the Morning
- Recommended: The Trans Formations Project
- Recommended: The Rachel Maddow Show on MSNBC
- Recommended groups for cisgender spouses: PFLAG, Reddit, Facebook here and here
- More resources
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- Advocates for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee or donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, Trans Formations Project, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
Misinformation and fake news are abundant, and knowing what’s real and what’s not can even take the savviest person by surprise. Transgender people are the current target and as the saying goes, repeat a lie enough times and people start to believe it. Let’s change that. In this episode, I share tips and thoughts on how to spot fake news and stop others from spreading it.
Mentioned or related to this episode:
- NBC News: Trans Pilot Shares "Proof of Life" Video...
- Cornell University: Types of False Information
- Adelphi University: Evaluation Tools
- Adelphi University: The CRAAP Test
- National Geographic / Global Digital Citizen Foundation: Critical Thinking Cheatsheet
- L.A. Public Library: How to Talk to Friends and Family Who Spread Misinformation
- Time: Nine Ways to Respond to Political Misinformation
- World Health Organization (WHO): Reporting Misinformation Online
- UC Berkeley Library: List of Fact Checkers
- Special NPR Series: Untangling Disinformation
- Denver Public Library: Challenge Misinformation: Books for Adults
- Rawson Internet Marketing: Media Literacy, Fact Checking, and Critical Thinking in the Age of Misinformation
- Book: Think Again by Adam Grant
- Book: Weaponized Lies, How to Think Critically in the Post-Truth Era by Daniel J. Levitin
- Book: The Demon-Haunted World, Science as a Candle in the Dark by Carl Sagan and Ann Druyan
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee or donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, Trans Formations Project, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
It has been three years since my spouse came out to me as transgender. This episode reflects on how the first two years look from here, plus how things are going and where they are headed.
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee or donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, Trans Formations Project, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
It’s a new year and as we wrestle with what the future holds for transgender people in this moment in time, we begin the season with a glimpse of the potential for positive change. My spouse decided to visit her family in México to celebrate her dad’s 80th birthday this past November. It has been a difficult road for their relationship since my spouse came out and only recently have they been communicating on a regular basis. This was the first visit since my spouse began her transition, almost three years ago. Change can happen with effort from all sides.
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee or donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, Trans Formations Project, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
The season ends with special guest, Abbe Kruger. Abbe is a life coach who dedicates herself to supporting cisgender and straight spouses or partners, and couples, managing changes in sexuality, gender identity and gender expression. Abbe can help anyone, anywhere in the world. In this episode, Abbe shares how a loved one coming out can impact the straight spouse or partner and offers insight into how couples can make it work.
- Abbe's coaching website
Season 3 returns in January. Until then, be well and thank you for listening.
Additional Resources
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- YouTube Channel: The Rage
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee or donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, Trans Formations Project, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
One month into middle school for my son and a student has already used an anti-LGBTQ+ slur against another student in a locker room. The kicker is that we live in what is considered a very progressive area. In this episode, my son and I have a talk about this incident, how a teacher handled it, and what he might have done if the teacher wasn’t there.
Related to this episode:
- UNICEF: How to Talk to Your Kids About Hate Speech
- Anti-Defamation League: What is "Grooming?" The Truth Behind the Dangerous, Bigoted Lie Targeting the LGBTQ+ Community
- Lambda Legal: Know Your Rights - Anti-Gay and Anti-Equality Speech
- Lambda Legal: For Educators - How to Make Your School Safer for LGBTQ Students
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- YouTube Channel: The Rage
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee or donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, Trans Formations Project, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
The Summer Olympics just ended and I’m always impressed by the overall mental strength component that athletes have to excel at their sports. It takes mental strength to succeed in sports, at work, as parents, and in a situation like many of us where your spouse or partner has come out as transgender. Let’s explore this idea of mental strength to help us remain grounded as we navigate a loved one coming out.
Mentioned in this episode:
- CNBC: I Study and Train Mentally Strong People for a Living - Here are 7 Things They Never Do
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- YouTube Channel: The Rage
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee or donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, Trans Formations Project, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
New job, new people can be exciting for most of us and unchartered, anxiety-inducing territory for transgender people who just want to fit in with everyone else. In this episode, I talk to my spouse about her first work retreat where she met new coworkers at an otherwise remote-based company.
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- YouTube Channel: The Rage
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee or donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers.
There are times when someone famous shows us their transphobic side or a transgender person makes poor decisions that come to light and they paint a negative image for the transgender community. Both examples actually had their moment in various news outlets this week and for those of us with a transgender partner or spouse, we may get caught in the middle of a fresh batch of transphobia. In this episode, I explore ways to respond.
Mentioned and Related Links:
- The people making headlines this week: CNN and Rolling Stone
- TransActual UK: Transphobia
- Medium: How to Respond to Transphobia
- Attitude: Next Goal Wins - Meet the Amazing Trans Footballer Who Inspired Taika Waititi's Film and the Star Who Plays Her
- Book: Transgender History, second edition by Susan Stryker
- Book: Black on Both Sides, a Racial History of Trans Identity by C. Riley Snorton
- Journal: TSQ: Transgender Studies Quarterly
- Amnesty International: How to Tell Someone You Know They're Being Transphobic
- Boston University CIDI: Responding to Misinformation about Gender Diversity
- YouTube: ACLU: How to Respond to Trans Misinformation
- QueerAF: How to Respond to Trans Misinformation from within the Trans Community
- Media Bias/Fact Check: A Resource to Check Your Information Sources
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- YouTube Channel: The Rage
- TikTok: TransitionTogether
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee
The term “trans widow” is one that I thought I related to at first... until I didn’t. It is actually quite transphobic and in this episode, I share why it doesn’t sit well with me.
Mentioned and Related Links:
- National suicide prevention lifeline: 988 or 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
- LGBT National Help Center hotline: 1-888-843-4564
- International Suicide Hotlines
- Opinion: A Letter to "Trans Widows", From an Actual Widow
- HBO Max: We're Here
- Opinion: I'm a Real Trans Widow - Anyone Saying Their Newly Out Trans Partner is 'Dead' Disgusts Me
- Opinion: Please Stop Saying "Trans Widows"
- The Williams Institute: Suicide Thoughts and Attempts Among Transgender Adults
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- YouTube Channel: The Rage
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee
For the first time since my spouse began her transition two and a half years ago, she is looking for a new job opportunity. She is a Latina transgender woman who is fortunate to be educated with a strong support system. Keep in mind that the transgender workforce reports low employment rates, lower salaries, and high discrimination. In this episode, I talk to my spouse about her job search experience.
Related Resources:
- ACLU: Report Discrimination
- Advocates for Trans Equality (A4TE): Know Your Employment Rights and Employment
- Human Rights Campaign: Trans Toolkit for Employers
- Article - Out: 15 Pride Products from Brands that Actually Give Back to the LGBTQ+ Community
- LGBT National Help Center: Find Local Resources Database
- Out for Work: Employment Planning Resources for LGBTQ+ Students
- Transgender Law Center: Employment Resources
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- YouTube Channel: The Rage
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee
It’s Father's Day in the U.S. today and the first Father's Day post-disclosure was rough. Now, two and a half years in, it’s not a big deal but I still struggle with how to label my spouse when she’s not around. Is labeling my transgender spouse a “spouse” enough or is it necessary to add more or less? Here’s how I’m currently working through it.
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- YouTube Channel: The Rage
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee
June is Pride Month, a time to raise awareness about the LGBTQ+ community, its history and remembering the Stonewall Uprising, current issues facing the community… and it’s a time to celebrate diversity and acceptance, hope, progress, joy. I love that allyship is strong this month. Let’s explore how one can be a great ally to the LGBTQ+ community this month plus all year.
Related Resources:
- Article - Harvard Business Review: What it Means to Be a Better Ally to the LGBTQ+ Community
- Resource - ACLU: Mapping Attacks on LGBTQ Rights in U.S. State Legislatures in 2024
- Resource - Trans Legislation Tracker
- Consider donating to: The Trevor Project, GLAAD, PFLAG and PFLAG International chapters, Lambda Legal, The Williams Institute, your local LGBTQ+ centers
- Article - Out: 15 Pride Products from Brands that Actually Give Back to the LGBTQ+ Community
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- YouTube Channel: The Rage
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee
A main giveaway that someone might be transgender is their voice. Speaking as a transgender person can be daunting and in this episode, I talk to my spouse about her road to sounding more feminine with the help of vocal therapy.
Related Resources:
- American Speech-Language-Hearing Association (ASHA): includes list of resources and how to find them
- Stanford Health Care: LGBTQ+ Health Program
- UCLA Health: Voice Therapy and Voice Surgery
- UCSF Transgender Care: Voice and Speech Therapy
- International Resource - Australia: TransHub
- International Resource - British Trans Voice Coach Adi Wilson
- International Resource - Canadian Trans Voice Coach Renée Yoxon
- Bay Area OUTspoken Speech Services
- Connected Speech Pathology
- Seattle Voice Lab
- Voice by Kylie (Trans Women) and voice resonance guide by Kylie
- Voice Tools App: Apple and Android
- YouTube: TransVoiceLessons
- YouTube: Transmasculine resource AmaRoseLessons
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- YouTube Channel: The Rage
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee
I ask my spouse a few questions about her experience as a transgender woman using public restrooms.
Related Resources:
- Article - The 19th: How You Can Make Bathrooms Safer for Trans and Nonbinary People
- Resource - Refuge Restrooms: a web application that seeks to provide safe restroom access for the LGBTQ+ community
- Resource (PDF) - OSHA: A Guide to Restroom Access for Transgender Workers
- Resource - MAP: transgender issues and transgender bathroom and facilities bans
- Resource - National Center for Transgender Equality: Transgender People and Bathroom Access
- Resource - Human Rights Campaign: Resources
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- YouTube Channel: The Rage
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee
The idea that a transgender person should not be permitted to use a public restroom that aligns with their gender identity is misunderstood and places the safety of a transgender person in jeopardy. This episode touches the surface from my viewpoint as someone who lives with a transgender person.
Mentioned and Related Resources:
- Article - Advocate: Transgender People Confronted in Florida Bathroom Ban
- Article - CNN: 3 Myths that Shape the Transgender Bathroom Debate
- Article - The 19th: How You Can Make Bathrooms Safer for Trans and Nonbinary People
- Resource - Refuge Restrooms: a web application that seeks to provide safe restroom access for the LGBTQ+ community
- Resource (PDF) - OSHA: A Guide to Restroom Access for Transgender Workers
- Resource - MAP: transgender issues and transgender bathroom and facilities bans
- Resource - National Center for Transgender Equality: Transgender People and Bathroom Access
- Resource - Human Rights Campaign: Resources
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- YouTube Channel: The Rage
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee
In this episode, I take a moment to share an overview of…you! Several of you have taken time to write to me and it means so much. You, listeners, are a diverse, interesting, wonderful group of people and I appreciate you.
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- YouTube Channel: The Rage
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee
Anger is one of the first and lingering emotions that occur when a spouse discloses that they are transgender; lingering as in years. How does one let go of that anger and move forward? In this episode, I offer a few ideas of where to start and it requires being willing to accept that it is time to make changes.
Mentioned in this episode:
- Waiting to Exhale movie: Angela Bassett car fire scene (adult content)
- Verywell Mind article: Victim Mentality: Definition, Causes, and Ways to Cope
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- YouTube Channel: The Rage
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee
After a death in my spouse's family, she has her first interaction with her dad in a very long time. Can someone who is unsupportive about their child's transition come around and realize that transgender people are just people? Possibly. For my spouse, her dad has taken a positive step forward.
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- YouTube Channel: The Rage
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee
My transgender spouse mentioned that she wants to be addressed as female at all times, including our past. For me, it doesn’t feel honest because I have only been married to a transgender woman for two years vs. 13 years with a male. In this episode, we chat about the issue from both perspectives and ultimately, there is no real solution except to take it case-by-case.
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- YouTube Channel: The Rage
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee
I ask our 10-year-old son how he is feeling since his male-to-female parent, my spouse, had facial feminization surgery (FFS) a few months ago in December. Judging by his responses, I needlessly worried about how he would do.
Resources for Kids & Families:
- COLAGE
- Book - She's My Dad
- Book - He's My Mom
- Book - No One Owns the Colors
- Book - The World Needs More Purple People
- Book - It's Okay to be Different
- Book - Red: A Crayon's Story
- Transgender Reading List for Adults via PFLAG
- Books about Trans Parents for Kids and Adults via Mombian
- UCLA The Williams Institute: Data Regarding Transgender Parents (2020)
- Article: How LGBTQ+ Parents Can Handle Coming out to Their Children
- Article: Here's a Way to Start a Conversation with Kids...
- Article - Coming Out Trans to your Kids
- Article - Going from "Daddy" to "Mommy": What will I Tell My Kids
- Lambda Legal: FAQ About Transgender Parenting
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- YouTube Channel: The Rage
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee
In this episode, I share my real feelings about FFS before and after, and my spouse discusses how things look and feel two months post-surgery.
Articles and Resources for Transgender Health:
- Global Resource: World Professional Association for Transgender Health
- Transgender Legal Defense & Education Fund: Resource list for Trans Healthcare Providers
- UCLA Health: FFS Improves Quality of Life for Transgender People, Study Says
- For medical providers: AMA - Creating an LGBTQ-Friendly Practice
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- YouTube Channel: The Rage
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally(PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee
Early in December, my spouse had facial feminization surgery (FFS). The day before her surgery, we recorded a brief discussion to share with you about why she felt she was ready for it, if she was worried about how our 10-year-old son might react, and any other concerns she might have. As someone living with a transgender person, I now understand how important this step can be toward treating gender dysphoria.
Mentioned in this episode:
- Stanford Medicine: LGBTQ+ Health Program
Articles and Resources for Transgender Health:
- Global Resource: World Professional Association for Transgender Health
- Transgender Legal Defense & Education Fund: Resource list for Trans Healthcare Providers
- UCLA Health: FFS Improves Quality of Life for Transgender People, Study Says
- For medical providers: AMA - Creating an LGBTQ-Friendly Practice
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- YouTube Channel: The Rage
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee
Two years ago on New Year’s Eve, my husband came out to me as a transgender woman. That was a dark day. But change is constant and this is the first year since disclosure that I'm looking forward to celebrating the day again. In this episode, I share what has changed in two years to reach this point.
Places to look for therapy and professional support:
- Psychology Today
- Coaching for Cis & Straight Partners of Transgender, Gender Diverse, and LGBTQ+ Folx
More transgender families:
- YouTube Channel: Great Scotts
- YouTube Channel: Jammidodger
- YouTube Channel: The Rage
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
The rougher part of the holidays after your spouse or partner comes out as transgender: dealing with friends and family at gatherings or coworkers and acquaintances at events. Whether you attend alone or together, ’tis the season to set boundaries and prepare ahead of time so you’re not caught off guard.
Mentioned in this episode:
- The Daily Show: Leslie Jones Stops your Annoying Relatives from Ruining Thanksgiving
- Them: How to Prepare for your First Visit Home after Transitioning
- Pronoun Pins: Human Rights Campaign pronoun pins , PFLAG pronoun buttons , Dissent pins, Etsy pronoun pins
- Song: Kenny Rogers, The Gambler
More holiday resources:
- PFLAG: How to "Ally" for the Holidays
- SF LGBT Center: An LGBTQ Guide to Surviving the Holidays
- USA Today: Coming out for the Holidays: How Families React Could Save Lives
Other stories with spouses or family members of a transgender person:
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
- YouTube Channel: The Rage
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee
Let’s start the new season of the podast with a portion of the holidays that you can control after your spouse or partner comes out as transgender: checking in with yourself. Take a deep breath, listen to yourself, and find something positive.
Other stories with spouses or family members of a transgender person:
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
- YouTube Channel: The Rage
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee
The podcast returns December 10 but today, the first season ends with a list of lessons I’ve learned since my spouse came out almost two years ago. Thank you for listening, reaching out, and taking time out of your day to share this journey with me. I hope you find these helpful:
- Be kind to yourself
- Take your time making decisions
- Find empathy
- Allow yourself to grieve
- Find a great therapist for yourself and with your loved one
- Test out support groups, sometimes the best fit isn’t the first one
- Call out or be honest with family and friends making negative, transphobic comments
- Set boundaries
- Be true to yourself
- Find your new happy
Mentioned in this episode:
- Mary Schmich, Chicago Tribune: Advice, Like Youth, Probably Just Wasted on the Young
- Interview with the voice actor behind the Sunscreen Song: Lee Perry
- YouTube: The Sunscreen Song
Other stories with spouses or family members of a transgender person:
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
- YouTube Channel: The Rage
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee
Deciding to stay married to a spouse who comes out as transgender is a big decision for a variety of reasons. In this episode, you get an idea of how my spouse and I make our marriage work as we approach the two year mark of her coming out as a transgender woman. There are no guarantees; one day at a time.
Other stories with spouses or family members of a transgender person:
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
- YouTube Channel: The Rage
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee
My spouse returns as a guest to discuss how she came out to her parents and brother as transgender and the challenges along the way. It took several months to build the courage to break the news and brace for any negative outcomes.
Other stories with spouses or family members of a transgender person:
- The Cut: My Husband is Now my Wife: Trans Women’s Wives on Their Own Dramatic Transformations
- Chicago Tribune: Suburban Wife Loves the Person, Not the Gender, After Spouse Comes out as Woman
- YouTube Channel: The Rage
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee
In this episode, I introduce you to my spouse and she discusses how she came to understand that she is transgender. She touches on the rollercoaster of emotions leading to that moment and what it was like to tell me.
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Emotions and questions are aplenty when your spouse or partner comes out as transgender. Sorting through it all is complex and there can be conflicting feelings. You can be happy that the person you love has figured out this piece to themselves while struggling through the loss of what you had together. Compartmentalization could be helpful.
Mentioned in this episode:
- Psychology Today: Compartmentalization
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Our son has asked repeatedly if I could interview him for the podcast and I always turned him down until now; transgender hate and misinformation changed my mind. It could be helpful to hear from a child how insignificant his parent’s transition has been for him. A helping factor has been that my spouse and I remain respectful of one another and keep our emotions and the deeper discussions away from our son. The result: my son supports his “other mom” with unconditional love.
Mentioned in this episode:
- Muppet Babies Gonzo-Rella episode, Season 3, Episode 19
Other resources:
- COLAGE
- Book - No One Owns the Colors
- Book - The World Needs More Purple People
- Book - It's Okay to be Different
- Book - Red: A Crayon's Story
- Transgender Reading List for adults via PFLAG
- Books about Trans Parents for Kids and Adults via Mombian
- UCLA The Williams Institute: Data Regarding Transgender Parents (2020)
- Article: How LGBTQ+ Parents Can Handle Coming out to Their Children
- Article: Here's a Way to Start a Conversation with Kids...
- Article - Coming Out Trans to your Kids
- Article - Going from "Daddy" to "Mommy": What will I Tell My Kids
- Lambda Legal: FAQ About Transgender Parenting
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
If you would like to support the podcast, consider Buy Me A Coffee
Oh, the things we take for granted. Traveling as a family used to be something that was never given a second thought. Now, we travel on high safety alert with careful planning and awareness of our surroundings. This episode touches on a recent flight we took to Chicago, a family event in Indiana, and things to consider when traveling with or as a transgender person.
Mentioned in this Episode:
Five Travel Safety Tips for Transgender Travelers by Aria Sa'id
Equality Florida Issues Advisory Warning for Travel
Video regarding transgender woman being detained in Dubai (six years ago)
Travel Resources for Transgender, Non-Binary Individuals:
National Center for Transgender Equality: Know Your Rights - Airport Security
TSA: Information for Transgender, Non-Binary, Gender Nonconforming Passengers
Harvard Global Support Services: LGBTQ+ Travel Guidance & Resources
Asher & Lyric: Best and Worst Countries for LGBTQ+ Travel in 2023
News articles:
CNN: Traveling as a Trans Person: It's Complicated (2019 article)
Washington Post: Trans Travelers Call for Change in Airports, TSA Protocols
Today is Father's Day and this episode offers alternatives to celebrate a transgender parent when Father’s Day or Mother’s Day no longer apply; or as my spouse likes to say, we are in a new situation and the old rules don't apply. You can create a date to celebrate, share the traditional date, or consider Transgender Parents Day which falls annually on the first Sunday in November.
Mentioned in this episode:
- Williams Institute: Demographics and Health Outcomes in a U.S. Probability Sample of Transgender Parents and a few more highlights in the press release
- National Library of Medicine: Transgender Population Size in the United States: a Meta-Regression of Population-Based Probability Samples
- LGBTQ+ Community Calendar via GLAAD
Guides for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Groups can be disappointing but now isn’t the time to go it alone. If your spouse or partner has come out as transgender, it is beneficial to find others in this situation to help you heal, navigate the ups and downs of the transition, and move forward. You'll be surprised, there are many of us out there.
Places to find peer-to-peer support:
- PFLAG National and International
- OurPath
- Open Reddit group may be helpful to find local resources or groups
- use search terms like SOFFA (Significant Others, Friends, Family, Allies) or transgender spouse support or transgender ally support or transgender center to find support near you
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
The anti-trans movement can be overwhelming for those of us with transgender loved ones. This episode touches on the term transmisogyny and how transgender women tend to be the target, plus how we can support the transgender community.
Mentioned in or resources related to this episode:
- ACLU: Mapping Attacks on LGBTQ Rights in U.S. State Legislatures
- Equality Federation: All Anti-Transgender Legislation
- UC Santa Barbara Resource Center for Sexual & Gender Diversity: Transmisogyny Education
- Julia Serano: writer, performer, speaker, activist
- Forbes: The Ugly Reality Of Violent Misogyny In America Is Systemic, Endemic, And Normalized
- Human Rights Campaign: Fatal Violence Against the Transgender and Non-Gender Conforming Community in 2022
- Prison Policy Initiative: What the Survey of Prison Inmates tells us about Trans People in State Prison
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
Like what you hear? Buy Me A Coffee
If you want to clear a room, mention “relationship boundaries” and see what happens. This topic makes everyone cringe but boundaries are there to help your relationship, not hinder it. This episode explores how to set healthy boundaries with your transgender spouse or partner as they transition, you transition, and your relationship transitions. Yes, it’s all a transition.
Mentioned in this episode:
- The Book of Boundaries: Set the Limits that Will Set You Free by Melissa Urban
- Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab
- Talk it out with a therapist, find one via Psychology Today
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
This episode offers a glimpse of what it is like to be out at dinner or visiting our child's school as a family with a transgender person. There are a lot of raised eyebrows that range from the curious what-am-I-looking-at stare to the negative look of disgust. My tip: ignore people you don’t know and you’ll have a great time like everyone else.
Kudos to allies who make life feel normal for transgender people ...as it should feel.
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
My spouse told me that if there was a “reverse pill” to avoid being transgender, she would take it. It is a heartbreaking time in the U.S. to see an increase of anti-transgender laws being introduced while living with a loved one who is trying to navigate their transition and live in peace. This episode explores how our treatment of transgender people can mean life or death.
U.S. Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Call 988
For Deaf and Hard of Hearing: dial 711 then 988
Mentioned in this episode:
- We’re Here on HBO Max (Florida, Part 1 and Part 2)
- UCLA Williams Institute Report Suicide Thoughts and Attempts Among Transgender Adults
- ACLU Mapping Attacks on LGBTQ+ Rights in U.S. State Legislatures
- UCLA Williams institute How Many Youth and Adults Identify as Transgender in the U.S.?
- ACLU Trans Students Should Be Treated with Dignity
- Trevor Project National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health 2021
Legal Help:
- Lambda Legal
- Transgender Law Center
- Trans Health Project
- Trans Family SOS
- Bay Area Legal Aid (California Bay Area)
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you.
Like what you hear? Consider supporting my podcast with Buy Me A Coffee
These are the top five questions I’m asked as the straight or cisgender spouse of a transgender person. Questions are great, just be sure to “read the room” and make sure the person you are asking is ready or open to talking about their situation. Thank you to those who check on spouses and partners; we are in a unique situation and appreciate you.
Note: I am getting over a cold and will update this recording when my voice returns to normal.
Information for allies:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you.
Like what you hear? Consider supporting my podcast with Buy Me A Coffee
Telling your family that your spouse or partner is transgender takes a little finesse, planning, and a solid mindset to accept any outcome. You have no control over the reaction of others but you can be content knowing that you gave it your all.
Mentioned in this episode:
- National Geographic Documentary Gender Revolution: A Journey with Katie Couric
- Sam Killermann, author of A Guide to Gender: The Social Justice Advocate’s Handbook
Information for the allies in your life:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Get in touch, I’m happy to hear from you or answer questions.
Like what you hear? Consider supporting my podcast with Buy Me A Coffee
Telling friends or acquaintances that your spouse or partner has come out as transgender requires preparation. First, you need to reach a stage where you accept that this transition is reality. This way, you are ready for the relief, acceptance, or rejection that follows. Two things I’ve learned at this point: 1) people you know may surprise you in the best ways and 2) you can handle any outcome.
Things to consider before telling friends and acquaintances:
- Does that person need to know?
- Who or why are you sharing the news?
- Preparation: figure out what you want to say and keep it simple
- Who is going to deliver the news?
- How are you going to deliver it?
- Allow people a chance to react
- Be okay with the outcome
Mentioned in this episode:
- National Geographic Documentary Gender Revolution: A Journey with Katie Couric
- Sam Killermann, author of A Guide to Gender: The Social Justice Advocate’s Handbook
Information for the allies in your life:
- PFLAG Guide to Being a Trans Ally (PDF file)
- GLAAD Tips for Allies of Transgender People
- National Center for Transgender Equality ally guide
- Human Rights Campaign ally guide
Telling your child or children that a parent is coming out as transgender is one of the scariest moments. There is a lot of fear of the unknown; so many questions and sleepless nights leading up to sitting them down to share the news. Two things I’ve learned: 1) how you and your spouse or partner treat one another will impact your child and 2) kids really are resilient.
Mentioned in this episode and extra resources:
- PFLAG (PFLAG International)
- COLAGE https://colage.org
- Muppet Babies Gonzo-Rella episode, Season 3, Episode 19
- Book - The World Needs More Purple People
- Book - It's Okay to be Different
- Book - Red: A Crayon's Story
- More books - a great list on the Mombian website
- UCLA The Williams Institute: Data Regarding Transgender Parents (2020)
- Article: How LGBTQ+ Parents Can Handle Coming out to Their Children
- Article: Here's a Way to Start a Conversation with Kids...
- Article - Coming Out Trans to your Kids
- Article - Going from "Daddy" to "Mommy": What will I Tell My Kids
- Lambda Legal: FAQ About Transgender Parenting
It is normal to feel grief when a spouse or partner comes out as transgender, this is a big change. Give yourself time to work through the emotions and focus on how you would like your future to look. Take the steps, write down goals, to move toward a new version of happy.
Mentioned in this episode:
- OurVoices podcast, season 4, episode 4 with guest Priscilla Tuft
- HER podcast with Gabbi and Priscilla Tuft
This episode focuses on therapy and support groups after a spouse or partner comes out as transgender. Throw out any stigmas about therapy and keep moving forward.
Mentioned in this episode:
- PFLAG National and International
- OurPath
- Local example - Pacific Center for Human Growth
- Local example - Ingersoll Gender Center
- Psychology Today
Podcast site: evolving list of resources
Disclosure: the moment you find out your spouse or partner is transgender. It’s like a Hollywood produced explosion minus the special effects. Results are permanent but be patient and give yourself time to grieve, be angry, adjust, and accept.
In this episode, six coping methods are mentioned from a graphic in an article online. I was not the target audience for the article itself but the graphic helped me take a step forward: Six Ways to Cope when Your Spouse Comes out as Gay written by Sheri Stritof.
Trailer for Straight Wife Trans Life podcast. Follow the journey of a straight wife after her husband comes out as trangender after 13 years of marriage. First episode drops January 1.