Confessions of an Ageing Football Player: Recent Episodes
Nick Owen
73 – nil! Those were the days: moments of glory on the school playing field on a foggy Wednesday afternoon when the final whistle went and your school mates would gather around you, beaming their small faces at you from every conceivable direction as they congratulated you fulsomely on the 23 hat tricks you had just completed in your team’s undeniable slaughter of the opposition.
Confessions of an Ageing Football Player relives those glorious early footballing moments: and just in time for the Qatar 2022 World Cup!
In which tennis ornithologist, Mrs Hacienda Buscando Stanley Carter (aka Phoebe Snetsinger) first observes Lord A.J.P.G.R. Murray in the field and makes her first fatal mistake.
AusOpen2023 #AndyMurray #PhoebeSnetsinger #LiverpoolTennisClub #SerenaWilliams
You can read all about the prequel to this story Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
Or you can order your copy of The Courting Lives of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
In which Hacienda S.B. Carter (aka Phoebe) attemps to attract Lord Andrew J.P.G.R. Murray back to his haunting ground by the surreptitious placement of several pints of best foaming Hawkeye bitter in prominent positions around the tennis club.
AusOpen2023 #AndyMurray #PhoebeSnetsinger #LiverpoolTennisClub
You can read all about the prequel to this story Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
Or you can order your copy of The Courting Lives of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
In which our intrepid tennis ornithologist, Miss Hacienda S.B. Carter (or Phoebe, to her friends, whoever they are) plucks up the courage to approach the Unidentified Wandering Object.
You can read all about the prequel to this story Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
Or you can order your copy of The Courting Lives of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
AusOpen2023 #AndyMurray #SerenaWilliams #PhoebeSnetsinger #LiverpoolTennis #HMPNorthSeaCamp
In which Miss Hasienda Buscando Stanley Carter (or Phoebe, for short) struggles with Unidentified Wandering Object refusing to move from armchair in member’s lounge due to The Hawkeye Effect.
You can read all about the prequel to this story Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
Or you can order your copy of The Courting Lives of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
AusOpen2023 #AndyMurray #RogerFederer #SerenaWilliams #PhoebeSnetsinger #LiverpoolTennis #HMPNorthSeaCamp
In which tennis ornithologist, Miss* Hacienda's Unidentified Wandering Object appears to be struggling with hitting a tennis ball with his racket. She gives him advice which he ignores.
- Editors Note: NB Miss not Mrs.
You can read all about the prequel to this story Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
Or you can order your copy of The Courting Lives of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
AusOpen2023 #AndyMurray #RogerFederer #SerenaWilliams #Phoebe Snetsinger #LiverpoolTennis #HMPNorthSeaCamp
In which the tennis ornithologist, Mrs Hacienda Buscando Stanley Carter first observes Lord A.J.P.G.R. Murray in the field.
You can read all about the prequel to this story Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
Or you can order your copy of The Courting Lives of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
AusOpen2023 #AndyMurray #RogerFederer #SerenaWilliams #Phoebe Snetsinger #LiverpoolTennis #HMPNorthSeaCamp
In which 'Serena Williams' plucks up courage and makes her advance on 'Andy Murray' only to have to contend with the unwelcome interests of 'The Redacteur'.
You can read all about the prequel to this story Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
Or you can order your copy of The Courting Lives of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
AusOpen2023 #AndyMurray #RogerFederer #SteffiGraf #BjornBorg #Liverpool #HMPNorthSeaCamp #SerenaWilliams
In which Serena (or is it Evelyn?) Williams comes clean to Lord Andrew J.P.G.R. Murray of Kirkintilloch.
You can read all about the prequel to this story Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
Or you can order your copy of The Courting Lives of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
AusOpen2023 #AndyMurray #RogerFederer #SteffiGraf #BjornBorg #Liverpool #HMPNorthSeaCamp #SerenaWilliams
Roger Federer's fear of flying threatens to ruin the flight from Manchester to Melbourne until Steffi Graf saves the day.
You can read all about the prequel to this story Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
Or you can order your copy of The Courting Lives of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
in which the greatest Tennis GOATS of all time queue for a flight to Melbourne and the tennis courts of the Australian Open, sharing their hard fought wisdom with Lord Andrew J.P.G.R. Murray of Kirkintilloch who is queuing for a bus to HMP North Sea Camp from the crown courts of Liverpool.
You can read all about the prequel to this story Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
Or you can order your copy of The Courting Lives of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
AusOpen2023 #AndyMurray #RogerFederer #SteffiGraf #BjornBorg #Liverpool #HMPNorthSeaCamp #SerenaWilliams
In which the youngest in society are taught that that if they have malice enough to set fire to people’s tennis rackets, headbands and shoes, then their own lives must pay the forfeit.
You can read all about the prequel to this story Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
Or you can order your copy of The Courting Lives of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
In which the riot act in relation to arson is read out to Lord Andrew J.P.G.R. Murray of Kirkintilloch. Imprisonment for life is a potential outcome.
In which the Liverpool Daily Post enthusiastically reports on a strange sighting at Otterspool Promenade in Aigburth: a make shift funeral pyre floating down the River Mersey.
In which Ms. Serena Williams brings to the attention of the Greater Dunblane Tennis Club Committee the contraventions of the Club's rules and regs as perpetrated by Mr. A. Murray, Esq.
In which Lord Andrew J. P. G. R. Murray of Kirkintilloch pirouettes the night away in the arms of Serena Williams at the Wimbledon Champions Ball: whilst Novak Djokovic slouches over the cocktail bar justifying himself to a pineapple.
The best of enemies are surely the best of friends aren’t they?
'No Vacc for Novak' means the Return of the Murray from the Mersey, just in time for the Australian Open.
You can read all about the prequel to this story Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
Or you can order your copy of The Courting Lives of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
In which Lord Andrew John Paul George Ringo Murray of Kirkintilloch starts the first 100 days of his new regime and starts laying down the law.
You can read all about the prequel to this story Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
Or you can order your copy of The Courting Lives of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
In which Lord Andrew John Paul George Ringo Murray of Kirkintilloch hears the news of his election of Tennis Club Chairman and immediately sets about changing the Club culture for good.
You can read all about the prequel to this story Confessions of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
Or you can order your copy of The Courting Lives of an Ageing Tennis Player here.
Hear about why, what and how Paul does what he does: and about his Eureka! moment with an iPad!
In which our hero i.e. me finally makes the breakthrough with my wonderful finish and my side secure the title: it's been a roller coaster of a ride which me and my team mates of me, me, me and me will never forget for the rest of our lives.
In which our hero i.e. me fends off the fierce opposition of the Dutch and the salamanders and books an appointment with history.
In which our hero's i.e. my wishful thinking is brought back to earth with a bump and normal football service is resumed.
Spoiler Alert! Major seismic shock in first semi-final of 2014 Brazilian World Cup in which our hero i.e. me plays a small but significant role.
As we head into the final stages of the 2014 World Cup finals, here’s a summary of the results so far. How's your favourite team getting on?
In which our hero i.e. me faces down his nemesis and comes up smelling of roses. Or something like.
In which our hero i.e. me, the Bogota jeweller, Terry Venables and the Mexican Sisters of Mercy reassemble our teams in time for the World Cup Quarter Finals.
In which our hero i.e. me survives in the eye of the storm and salvages his Subbuteo Career.
In which Louis van Gaal’s decision to replace Robin van Persie with me pays off, as I lead a late comeback to pull off an astonishing victory.
It's Half Time at the Brazilian World Cup and what have we learned? Schadenfreude isn’t Germany’s newest centre forward!
In which our hero i.e. me and Luis Suarez i.e. my bestest friend seek revenge on Giorgio Chiellini for poisoning the hotel's Axolotls.
In which our hero i.e. me 'enjoys' the hose piping initiation rites prescribed for the un-initiated and enjoyed by the powers-that-be.
In which our hero, i.e. me, experiences the vicarious thrill of schadenfreude as the World Cup takes its toll on its galacticos.
In which our hero, i.e. me, gives something back to the community and dispenses largesse to the poor unfortunate youth of the favelas.
In which our hero (i.e. me) is gutted not to be picked for the national team, but bears his disappointment stoically.
In which our hero (i.e me) has reluctantly to forego a life of aimless wandering and buckle down to his / my first big challenge: his / my first run out onto the hallowed pitch of a World Cup stadium.
In which our hero (i.e. me) experience the benefits of living the high footballing life in Rio de Janeiro and Copacabanana Beach.
How our hero (i.e. me) learned to become a permanent surprise to the opposition and the guerilla in their midst.
In which our hero i.e. me settles some old scores in Bogota before heading south to join the glitterati, chatterati and flitterati of the world's football elite.
Relive your glorious early footballing moment just in time for the Qatar World Cup! In episode 2, we find out how it is that I found myself in the unbelievable position of being invited to play for our national team.