My Little Family: Recent Episodes
Isaac and Michelle Hays
Love is Self-Less not Selfish
This Episode continues the quest of establishing what Love is vs what it is not. In this episode we are navigating the perils of selfish relationships and teaching valuable skills in avoiding to toxic or egocentric love.
In the American Psychological Association (APA) dictionary, the definition of “selfishness” is listed as: the tendency to act excessively or solely in a manner that benefits oneself, even if others are disadvantaged.
We are social beings at the core
- We are social beings and are most happy when we are socially connected.
- Humans are symbiotic in nature in that not only do we have billions of micro-organisms living in us that are critical to our survival we as well depend on each other socially.
- “No man is an island, no man lives alone.” – John Donne
- Social connections are a negotiation between our own needs and the needs of others.
- Our Expectations should not be what they can do for us but what we can do for them. Ideally they should also be thinking the same. Tissah Kombe
- On one end of the spectrum lies selfishness, the act of prioritizing oneself over others
- Selfish is cognoscente of their selfishness and do it anyways
- Self Centered are not always as cognoscente of their selfish acts but may be so pre occupied with their own thoughts that they act selfish when should they not be so pre-occupied with themselves they might be more kind.
- From Societies stand point everything revolves around the “self”… or what we can get out of it. Even vacations a commercial comes to mind you took a vacation to get away from your kids… why go some place where they have kids there…Everything is about your time, your joy, your experience. We forget that love is not about us. Love is something poured out we shouldn’t expect anything back for it. It kind of cheapens love if Im only doing this for something else. Brandon Phariss.
- On the other end lies selflessness, the act of putting the needs of others before our own.
BALANCE IS KEY
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Too much selfishness (or self centeredness) can suffocate the relationship by fostering hard feelings, emotional distancing and neglect.
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Too much selflessness can make you feel taken advantage of, feel under appreciated or resentful.
Find a balance using communication, understanding and compromise. Recognize your individual needs, your partner needs and the needs of the relationship as a whole.
TAKE ACTION!
1. Focus on your partner’s priorities
Create a list of the top 10 items your partner cares about the most. Have your partner do the same. Share it with your partner
When your hear the list, listen without judgment and ask clarifying questions to see your partner’s perspective.
Have a collaborative discussion about the items on the list and edit accordingly.
Each week, pick one item from your partner’s list and make it your focus priority.
2. Create shared experiences
- Focus on bonding and creating memories together.
- engage in activities that both of you enjoy
- plan! Outings, hobbies, or relaxation!
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In this podcast episode, we dive into the power of honor, a fundamental principle that has the potential to elevate your relationships to extraordinary heights. Discover how honor creates a safe haven for authenticity, celebrates your partner’s true self, and fosters a deep and enduring connection.
Key Points:
- Practical Definition of Honor: Recognizing another person’s worth, valuing their opinions and feelings, and treating them with dignity.
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Benefits of Honoring:
- Creates a safe space for vulnerability and self-expression
- Reinforces a positive self-identity and empowers individuals to rise to their full potential
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10 Practical Ways to Honor Your Partner:
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Active Listening: Put away distractions, listen without interrupting, and show genuine interest.
- Acknowledge Feelings and Show Empathy: Validate their opinions, emotions, and right to feel their way.
- Respect Boundaries: Be mindful of their triggers and avoid pushing them beyond their comfort zone.
- Keep Promises: Demonstrate trustworthiness and reliability by fulfilling your commitments.
- Speak Kindly: Use words wisely and avoid sarcasm, criticism, or hurtful comments.
- Express Gratitude Regularly: Recognize and appreciate their efforts, both big and small.
- Support Goals and Aspirations: Encourage their dreams, be their cheerleader, and offer support.
- Value Their Time and Commitments: Be considerate of their schedule and obligations.
- Maintain Physical Intimacy: Nurture intimacy amidst busy schedules and show affection through gestures and touch.
- Forgive Mistakes: Practice true forgiveness, which involves moving forward without holding grudges.
Conclusion:
Honoring your partner is not a fleeting gesture; it’s a lifelong commitment that requires love, patience, and care. By incorporating these principles into your daily interactions, you can cultivate a relationship built on mutual respect, deep connection, and enduring love.
WHAT IS PRIDE? WHAT IS ARROGANCE?
Arrogance can be defined as the personality trait where a person has an obnoxiously elevated sense of self-worth. It is a disrespectful trait because the arrogant person acts as though superior or more valuable than others. Arrogance listed as a trait of narcissistic behavior and is characterized by having an exaggerated sense of our importance or abilities. Sometimes, people are arrogant because they wrongly believe that their expertise will justify their behavior.
Some characteristics of arrogance can manifest in the following examples:
Criticism Lack of compromise Belittlement Judgmental attitudes Lack of Accountability
Join Isaac and Michelle as they explore the do's and don'ts of these characteristics and learn how to avoid them in your relationship.
Envy is a lack of contentment that is based on comparison. When we use comparison to measure ourselves, we fall into ungratefulness which can destroy a relationship.
Envy can sneak its way into
life roles work/life balance relationships etc
Research in a psychiatry investigation by Yanhui Xiang,1,2, Xia Dong,1,2, and Jiaxu Zhao1,2. suggests that envy directly increases the likelihood of getting depression and as well as the possibility of depression becoming long term as it erodes social support.
Dive into this episode to learn more about how to find a healthy balance with jealousy and envy in a relationship. Isaac and Michelle will share tips and strategies as well as their own personal stories that can simplify and clarify a subject that can get kind of murky.
The Challenge
Fight envy by finding 3 things in your relationship that you are grateful for. Determine wether your jealousy/ envy in your relationship is healthy (protects the relationship) or unhealthy (fearful or controlling)
"Love is this, not that!" is a series that breaks down healthy relationship principles with actionable implementation steps that you can implement right away.
In this episode, Isaac and Michelle will dive into another attribute of love- of Kindness. They will share what it is and what it is not. Join them as they share research, strategies and techniques that you can use immediately to grow your relationship and and family.
https://my-little-family-podcast.blubrry.net
"Love is this, not that!" is a series that breaks down healthy relationship principles with actionable implementation steps that you can implement right away.
In this episode, Isaac and Michelle will dive into the topic of patience, what it is and what it is not. Join them as they share research, strategies and techniques that you can use immediately to grow your relationship and and family.
https://my-little-family-podcast.blubrry.net
Sooner or later, relationships will experience conflict. It is not the absence of conflict that makes a successful marriage. It is the ability to resolve conflict that strengthens a relationship. In this episode, Isaac and Michelle will explore practical ways to resolve conflict in sensitive situations as they share their own lessons and experiences.
This is the first episode of "My Little Family." Join Isaac and Michelle as they explore the Genesis (or beginnings) of strong, lasting relationships as well as how current beliefs and lifestyles can affect their outcome.