Best Life Best Death: Recent Episodes
Diane Hullet
Nancy Simmers served as the death doula for Kate Christie’s mother when she chose VSED (Voluntarily Stopping Eating and Drinking) to hasten her death. How did Nancy’s path take her from working as a birth doula to becoming a death doula? How did her expertise grow over the years? How does she support the individual and the family in a VSED situation? What are the three typical parts of a death by VSED? This two-part podcast is an eye-opener on a subject that most of us know little about. Last week’s episode: a conversation with the daughter who experienced her mother’s death by VSED.
Kate Christie and her family went through the experience of VSED when her mother chose to “voluntarily stop eating and drinking.” This choice to hasten death is not to be undertaken lightly, but it is a true choice that is legal and available to anyone. How does it work? Why would someone choose this? What was the experience like for Kate, her father, and her mother? Learn about her experience as the daughter and what is critical to have in place for VSED to painlessly succeed. Next week's episode: a conversation with the doula who guided their experience.
In this episode we explore the rich, complex topic of grief. Claire Bidwell Smith’s beautiful book Conscious Grieving: A Transformative Approach to Healing from Loss shares an easily accessible road map for anyone willing to be curious about what grief has to offer. Who is on such a journey with their grief? Well, that just happens to be all of us. Hopeful, pragmatic and inspirational, the brief chapters in this book show us concrete ways to “enter, engage, surrender, and transform” through the inevitable losses in our lives.
https://clairebidwellsmith.com/
https://www.facebook.com/clairebidwellsmithwrites/
https://www.instagram.com/clairebidwellsmith/
https://twitter.com/clairebidwell
Writer, teacher, artist, filmmaker, and death doula Darnell Lamont Walker is all about the stories we live and share. What truly matters as we spend time and create stories with those we love? Darnell's wide-ranging experience as a “rambling man” give him an original perspective on what matters as we live and as we die. This is one of those conversations that I’m having a hard time summarizing, but I think you’ll find that it moves something inside you.
https://darnellwalker.com/
https://www.instagram.com/hello.darnell/?hl=en
https://www.linkedin.com/in/darnellwalker
https://www.facebook.com/DarnellLamontWalker/
https://twitter.com/hellodarnell?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor
When Kera’s mom died unexpectedly at age 57, just a few days after Kera had just had a baby, the duality of grieving and mothering dropped her to her knees. Out of this grief and in the year that followed, Kera found resilience in the stories of so many others dealing with loss. While still a full-time high school teacher, she launched a magazine called Get Griefy, packed with stories that move and inspire. As the Get Griefy mission declares: “Our commitment is to go beyond the conventional narratives surrounding grief and loss, acknowledging that life after loss is not only about mourning but also about embracing the strength to live fully.”
https://www.legacylettersjournal.com/home
https://www.instagram.com/legacylettersjournal/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/kera-sanchez-066a79a6/
How do we support individuals to do death better?
1 Realize that the medical system isn’t set up to address the gaps for the dying and their families.
2 Identify for you and yours: what are the gaps we are going to have, and what might possibly fill them?
3 Look into resources ahead of time.
The bottom line: We aren’t very prepared and there are gaps we really should know about. Take your head out of the sand of denial and have a look around, starting with listening to Dr. Uslander’s naming of “the five gaps people don’t see coming” in this important episode.
https://empoweredendings.com/
https://www.facebook.com/empowerendings
https://www.linkedin.com/in/bobuslander/
https://www.instagram.com/empowered_endings_/
https://www.youtube.com/@Empowered-Endings/
The HeartLight Center in Denver, CO is a nonprofit grief center offering in-person and online support to those who are grieving or supporting grievers. Executive Director Jenn Flaum talks with me about how they strive to “adapt, connect, and create what’s meaningful” for all those who come through the door. What are the different things that grievers need? What does a grief group look like? How is “peer-based support” different? When you need support, why choose a group versus individual counseling?
https://heartlightcenter.org/
https://www.instagram.com/heartlightcenter/
https://facebook.com/heartlightcenter
https://twitter.com/heartlightcente
https://www.linkedin.com/company/2101243/
Several years ago, film Director Johanna Lunn set out to make a movie about death. What she quickly discovered was that there were enormous amounts of material and innumerable possibilities for directions this could take. So she co-founded a website, whenyoudie.org, and ultimately created three films, each one a compilation of interviews with experts, musings by the narrator, and gorgeous views of nature. What can we learn from listening to experts who've spent their careers with folks who are near death? What can we learn about living from exploring dying? Here is one thing I’ve learned: changing the culture means learning a lot more about what we have kept at arm’s length.
Helen Bauer is one of those people who makes connections and disseminates information in every way she can think of! With 500+ podcast episodes of The Heart of Hospice, and 15+ years as a hospice nurse, Helen is dedicated to helping people answer the questions they have about the end of life – especially when it comes to hospice care. What kind of choices do I have at this stage? What are my options? How can I get the ‘big picture’ to help me orient myself to this new landscape? How can I talk to someone impartial? Who has fast answers to my questions for myself or my loved one?
https://www.theheartofhospice.com/
https://www.facebook.com/theheartofhospice/
https://www.instagram.com/theheartofhospice/
https://www.linkedin.com/company/the-heart-of-hospice/
https://twitter.com/TheHeartHospice
I reached out to artist Claudia Biçen when I learned about an installation she had created some years ago that combined the portraits and words of hospice patients in a striking, intimate way. Our conversation ended up being about that, yes, but we also explore the richness of creativity, impermanence, adaptation, and the making of meaning. As Claudia said, “Life throws you this experience and you pivot and you pivot and you pivot and you keep trying to make meaning from it.” How might these “portraits and stories at the end of life” inform our living?
We have probably all attended funerals that we found meaningful – and services that fell flat. What are the parts that make up a meaningful memorial service? What’s the difference between a funeral and a celebration of life? How does music make a difference? How can an officiate – whether secular or religious – help to hold the experience of the day for all who participate? In these modern times, with families and friends far flung, why are such rituals still relevant?
https://www.thisishowmystoryends.com/
Nothing like talking to an expert in the field to clarify what truly matters! Sue Mackey has been working for more than 15 years to help people prepare for the end of life. We talk about critical pieces of the puzzle, such as: What is a healthcare proxy? Is that the same thing as a durable medical power of attorney? And why are there so many terms that mean the same thing anyway? (Spoiler: There is no way to actually answer this, at least not in 30 minutes.) Sue and I talk about what gets in the way of getting the paperwork we know we need to do completed, but ultimately, as Sue says, “Paperwork is the surface work – first you’ve got to take a look at your own mortality!” Only then will you find yourself signing what needs to be signed.
https://www.outoftheboxendoflifeplanning.com
facebook.com/OutoftheBoxFuneralPlanning
linkedin.com/suemackey88
Dr. Qwynn Galloway-Salazar brings her experience as a veteran and spouse of a combat veteran straight into her work as a death doula and educator. She sees the value of a multi-layered approach, believing that:
1) we can best companion veterans who are dying by understanding their unique end-of-life needs;
2) we can better support the caregivers of veterans through education and practical resources; and
3) we can offer insights to the medical team that is supporting an individual, to help them understand the unique facets of a veteran's life experience and how those may play out at the end.
Qwynn and I dive into these questions and more, but at the heart of this conversation is the question: What would it look like to truly honor veterans as they come to the end of their lives?
Facebook.com/qwynn.galloway
This week I have a conversation with none other than an old family friend. And while I love talking to the experts out there, there’s something just kinda basic about about chatting with a friend who’s “been through it” with his parents and in-laws. What are the lessons he gleaned? What went well in their family situation? What are the pitfalls he has seen, personally and through his work? We talk about both the personal and the big picture of eldercare — how do we approach this stage, why is it so complicated, what do families need to know, and how can they prepare themselves for the later stages of people’s lives?
Amy Nofziger is the Director of Victim Support for the AARP Fraud Watch Network and has nearly two decades of experience in fraud prevention and victim support. Listen to this BLBD episode to get the scoop on scams and fraud. What is it? How does it happen? Could I be a victim? What do I do if I am? As Amy says, “Know the red flags: asking for money or your personal information. End of story.” What does this have to do with my "Best Death," you are asking? File this in the "Best Life" department!
What would it mean to you to “Always go to Ohio”? In this episode, author Jennifer Graham and I ponder the question: why show up? Whether for a next door neighbor, or for a family member or friend across the country, how do we show up for one another? Jennifer says, “That’s one of the lessons that I’ve taken from all of this: That there’s absolutely nothing you can do that has more value than physically showing up for people.” Maybe this is what humans need — to show up for each other. But how, and when, and in what way? Together we tackle some of the obvious questions and also mull over some of the nuances.
https://jennifergrahamtoday.com/
In this episode, learn about “wind phones” — what are they, where are they, who is making them, and why? Created to share a continuing relationship with someone who has died, wind phones are in our communities in some surprising places. As Amy Dawson, curator of the website mywindphone.com, says, “The concept of sending messages on the wind isn’t new… It goes back to Greek mythology, and beyond. Gods sent messages on the wind.” Find out how you can send messages on the wind through this creative and widespread phenomenon.
http://mywindphone.com
https://www.instagram.com/mywindphone/
Allison Applebaum, Ph.D. sees caregiving through both a personal and professional lens, giving her a unique take on the logistics of individual situations as well as the broad view. She talks about the “three buckets of responsibilities” that are common for carepartners; offers ways to create support both internally (think: breathing) and externally (think: build a team of support); and asks two big questions:
1) “How can our healthcare system better prepare caregivers for the tasks they face?” and
2) “What does it mean to find meaning in caregiving?”
https://allisonapplebaum.com/
https://www.instagram.com/drallisonapplebaum/
https://twitter.com/DocApplebaum
Dr Matthew Tyler is a palliative doctor and champion via social media for having the hard conversations when necessary. He knows that doctors are doing their best, and some excel at breaking difficult news to patients. But communication skills have to be developed over time and with experience, and every patient is unique in their desire for “That Conversation.” So – you have to train your doctor in knowing you! What is a “goals of care conversation”? How do you know what success looks like for you as an individual? How do we begin these conversations with our doctors? I hope that this podcast episode helps you take steps to ensure that you and your doctor are aligned on the important subject of your care.
https://howtotrainyourdoctor.com/
https://www.instagram.com/howtotrainyourdoctor/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCj8dh2NwtsW2B1d9SyGhXSg
https://www.linkedin.com/in/matthew-tyler-4848b8206/
This conversation with Dr Aditi Sethi is a heart-felt discussion of a film, a doctor’s experience of an unusual patient, and the idea that “death has value.” Dr Sethi is the type of palliative care and hospice doctor who brings full presence and full heart to everything she does, and together we reflect on the film, her friendship and doula work with Ethan Sisser, and what it means to die in community. Whether or not you are able to see the movie, our conversation describes the film so you can imagine it, explains Dr Sethi's involvement and views, and asks the question: what would it be like to be surrounded by a loving community when we die?
To learn more...
Visit the film's website: www.thelastecstaticdaysmovie.com
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Willow End of Life Education and Planning is all about changing the conversation around death and dying to include living. As Reena Lazar says, “All that matters in the end, matters now.” We talk about how the finiteness of life is profoundly motivating; how thinking about the end and working backwards makes a difference in how we live; the impact of a quick love letter exercise; and how conversations are key. We even dive into five concrete steps that can help guide you in having more successful end-of-life conversations with someone you love.
https://www.willoweol.com/
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Caring for someone who is dying takes a different approach, and family members may not always remember that or see that it is no longer time to "seek a cure." Katie Duncan and I discuss some of the challenges that family caregivers face when someone is dying: realizing the time to "fix" is at an end; stepping into a role with little or no training; adjusting to this new role, often from a geographic distance; acknowledging and adjusting to the constantly changing needs of the loved one; and figuring out who to turn to for guidance and resources. As educator Barbara Karnes says, “Dying is not a medical event, but a community event.” Listen in to learn more.
Follow her on socials:
https://www.facebook.com/death.care.coach
https://www.instagram.com/death.care.coach
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkE5aFVFxWT46nNar91cLXw
At some point in your life, caregiving will likely come upon you, if it hasn’t already. As Rosalynn Carter noted, there are only four kinds of people in this world: “Those who have been caregivers; those who are currently caregivers; those who will be caregivers; and those who will need caregivers." What can we put in place to help folks in this role?
Katie helps us think through some key questions, including:
- What's the financial picture, and how does that impact possible options? Who is in our “village”?
- What are the gaps in care?
- How can we organize a schedule and fill in those gaps?
- What’s the right amount of help and how do we find resources?
Follow her on socials:
https://www.facebook.com/death.care.coach
https://www.instagram.com/death.care.coach
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkE5aFVFxWT46nNar91cLXw
Sonya Barsness brings theory and practice together in her work and teaching as a "revisionary" Gerontologist. How can we improve the experience of aging in the 2020s in the US? What would it mean to be more positive in our understanding and actual experience of aging? What do seniors need as they age? What do humans need at any age, and how do we keep it or create it as we grow older? Perhaps we could be fighting for a paradigm of aging that celebrates the experience of growing older, sees each older person as a unique person, and recognizes that aging is multi-dimensional!
Check out her website: https://www.sbcgerontology.com
Follow her on Facebook: www.facebook.com/SonyaBarsnessConsulting/m
Why is this one of my favorite books? How can a book like this have a positive impact on your view of your life and your death? What are some pragmatic topics we could benefit from thinking about? What are some of the thoughtful gems from authors BJ Miller, MD and Shoshana Berger?
Listen in as I talk about this book and see if you want to add it to your nightstand pile... A Beginner's Guide to the End: Practical Advice for Living Life and Facing Death.
This week: a joint podcast with The Heart of Hospice and host Helen Bauer. This is swift-talking, wide-ranging, longer-than-usual chat! What brought me into end of life work? Why might any of us want a “supported death”? How can end-of-life workers bring an open mind to any death? How can caregivers be held, metaphorically and literally? What can we learn while in a relationship with hospice? How can we hold expectation vs hope? How do we support the multiple needs of various people involved in any caregiving situation? At the end of life, how do you begin to let go of the bonds of the world? *Bonus trivia: What’s Diane’s end-of-life playlist?
Description:This podcast is jampacked with content, including a discussion of advance directives for dementia, Voluntary Stopping of Eating and Drinking, and a deep dive into decision making. In this week’s conversation, Chaplain Hank Dunn suggests a framework for thinking things through, including asking:
1) What’s the goal that you are trying to accomplish?
2) What would the patient want, and what does the patient think about their current and probable future condition?
3) What is in the best interest of the patient? and
4) What is the prognosis and probable consequences if a certain treatment plan is followed? Join us for all this good thinking and more!
Visit website: https://hankdunn.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hospicechaplainhank/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Hard-Choices-for-Loving-People-191343157564700
Join us for all this good thinking and more!
When difficult choices arise around healthcare and the nearing end of life, Hank Dunn has some ideas to help us decide what to do. In his book, Hard Choices for Loving People, he suggests that families consider asking themselves and each other: What are we trying to accomplish? What’s the goal? Are we trying to cure? Are we looking to stabilize functioning? Or are we preparing for a comfortable and dignified death? This podcast is full-full-full of thoughtful content that is important for all of us to consider.
What an honor to chat with three leading doulas and teachers, Diane Button, Gabby Jimenez and Angela Shook. Their new book combines the best of all that they know – over 30 years of experience with death and dying. The Doula Tool Kit: The Complete Practical Guide for End-of-Life Doulas and Caregivers provides “the guidance and tangible tools that people need to actually feel comfortable to sit with the dying.”
Learn more and get the book here -
https://www.thehospiceheart.net/
https://www.dianebutton.com/
https://angelashook.com/
For more information on Best Life Best Death please visit our website at www.bestlifebestdeath.com
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Eric Rooney and I talk about what it might mean to have a “greener” mindset about death, and how “natural burial” is not new at all, in the Big Scheme of human existence. We talk about 5 ways we can care for bodies in Colorado: burial (buried traditionally in a casket, embalmed or not); flame cremation (the body is burned at high temperature, returning “ashes” to the family); water cremation (dissolving in alkaline hydrolysis, returning fluid to the earth in chosen locations); Natural Organic Reduction/Composting (the body decomposes in a specially designed vessel, ending up as nutrient dense soil); and natural burial (shroud or biodegradable casket, buried without embalming or cement encasement of the casket). What's your plan for after death care?
More about Eric and Regeneration Earth here - https://www.regenerationearth.org/
For more information on Best Life Best Death please visit our website at www.bestlifebestdeath.com
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This week, in honor of Thanksgiving here in the US, I share a brief conversation with Hospice Chaplain Hank Dunn. He reads two moving pieces from his book, Light in the Shadows: Meditations While Living with a Serious Illness, and we talk about “letting go” versus “letting be.”
For more information on Best Life Best Death please visit our website at www.bestlifebestdeath.com
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What’s the latest way to organize your stuff and plan for where it goes when you are gone? Enjoy my conversation with Heather Nickerson, Founder of Artifcts, who explains: “Artifcts is a new web- and app-based technology to help you capture, preserve and share the history, the stories, the meaning and the value behind all your stuff. And also, plan for what you want to do next with it? Sell, donate, keep in the family, bequeath, record that it’s already gone?”
Why do the stories behind our things matter? Why does having an easy way to share these stories matter? What’s the advantage of digitizing all of this? Can we do a better job of “connecting the dots” between generations? Heather and I will be breaking the myth that “no one wants this stuff.” (Hint: they don’t if it’s not easy and if they don’t know the story!)
Learn more here - https://artifcts.com/
For more information on Best Life Best Death please visit our website at www.bestlifebestdeath.com
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Dementia is disruptive, incredibly so. You can’t get help for what you don’t understand, so this path requires gathering information, pushing for an accurate diagnosis, educating yourself and those around you, and finding new approaches for everyone involved. Kay Adams shares valuable information from her extensive experience as a dementia coach: Why does getting an accurate diagnosis matter? Why is neurological screening by itself not enough? What is helpful for caregivers/carepartners to realize about their experience? Why is dementia on the rise, and what can we do? As Kay says in her book, Bedside Witness: Stories of Hope, Healing and Humanity: “This heartbreaking illness and the collateral damage it can leave in its wake is one of the most complicated journeys any human being may ever have to take.”
More about Kay here www.kaymadams.com
For more information on Best Life Best Death please visit our website at www.bestlifebestdeath.com
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The Enneagram is a psychological and spiritual map… and a fascinating predictor of what motivates you, drives your responses to others and shows you where your edges are as you learn to be your best self. Who doesn’t want to have insight into themselves and others? Who can tolerate a ‘peek behind the curtain’ of their own blind spots? As I say in our conversation, “I think this is an interesting topic because what we know about ourselves and about how we interact makes such a difference for what we bring to the world and what we bring to our lives… and how we live is how we die.” There are many books, websites and ways to take an Enneagram quiz and find out your ‘type.’ Let me know what you learn!
Learn more about Renee at www.enneasight.com
For more information on Best Life Best Death please visit our website at www.bestlifebestdeath.com
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Hospice Nurse and dynamic educator, Gabby Jimenez shares thoughts from her latest book, “Dignity Day: A guidebook for anyone searching for comfort and clarity relative to the end-of-life medications.” This conversation goes beyond the logistics of MAID to get at the heart of what is happening for terminally ill individuals and their families. Why would someone choose MAID? How do others feel about that? What happens if we walk away? Can we make the space to “step into their shoes”? Written with compassion for wherever someone stands in relation to this experience – the terminally ill person, the spouse, the children, the loved ones – this book may help you have a thoughtful, feeling-informed conversation.
For more information on Best Life Best Death please visit our website at www.bestlifebestdeath.com
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Gabby's Website - www.thehospiceheart.net
Founder of of the Doulagivers Institute, one of the largest doula training institutes in the US, Suzanne O’Brien RN shares her expertise and opinions about how we approach death and dying. With 98% of the hands-on care at the end of life done by family caregivers, she asks, “What can we do to support them? What do they need? What can we provide to fill in the gaps?"
For more information on Best Life Best Death please visit our website at www.bestlifebestdeath.com
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Doulagivers - www.doulagivers.com
This week enjoy the perspectives of two hospice chaplains, Ellie Douglass and Kathy Gambino. What does their job entail? What role do they play on a hospice team? What insights can they offer about when and how to use hospice? And most importantly – how do families benefit from what they bring to the experience of the end of life. As Ellie says, "The word 'chaplain' can be a little bit loaded, depending on your life experience. Our role is to walk alongside."
For more information on Best Life Best Death please visit our website at www.bestlifebestdeath.com
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https://www.artoftransitions.com/
instagram.com/artoftransitions
This week I talk with my friend and colleague Aimee Yawnick. She and I are both end-of-life coaches who teach classes and workshops + work with individuals. In this episode, we discuss: how talking about death changes your life; why conversations about mortality matter; how a class can help people grapple with big questions; what it takes to have accountability; what sorts of materials we bring to the table; and what people take away weeks and months later. Why have this conversation?!
For more information on Best Life Best Death please visit our website at www.bestlifebestdeath.com
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As we age, one of the biggest things we need is social connections! Listen in as social media tutor and trainer Joyce Feustel and I talk about how social media creates connections – with family, friends, past-times, careers, hobbies, and “kindred spirit groups." How can social media platforms help? How do Facebook, Instagram and Linked In differ? What about http://meetup.com? How do we get started, if we don’t know how to begin?
https://boomerssocialmediatutor.com/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/joycefeustelsocialmediatrainer/
https://www.instagram.com/joycefeustelsocialmediatrainer/
https://www.facebook.com/boomerssocialmediatutor
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2s7fzNl0OaGg1jB4lmse1g/featured
For more information on Best Life Best Death please visit our website at www.bestlifebestdeath.com
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Emerson Lee shares a view of dementia that broadens how we perceive the loss of cognitive abilities – and thus might shift how we deal with such changes. What if we put less emphasis on mental abilities and found ways to connect, relate and create? What if caregivers understood how to find the “micro delights” for each individual, thus supporting connection and regulation? What if your fears of dementia could be eased through greater understanding of possibilities and planning ahead? What if caregivers gained new tools and resources to support themselves and their loved ones?
https://www.makinghappymemories.com/
http://instagram.com/letsmakemoments
http://facebook.com/happymemorieseldersupport
https://www.youtube.com/@happymemorieseldersupport
For more information on Best Life Best Death please visit our website at www.bestlifebestdeath.com
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Hospice Nurse Penny is everywhere on social media with her fast-paced, humorous, informative commentary, through which she offers education about death and dying. As a hospice nurse, Penny sees firsthand the misconceptions about hospice and how – when understood for its what it is and what it is not – “Hospice provides education and support and a team.” On BLBD podcast episode #100, we discuss how you “get on” hospice, in what ways families are supported when they choose hospice, the “right” time to visit, the “end of life rally” that is sometimes seen, and "quality of life over quantity of life." Bottom line: What do people need to know to take advantage of what hospice has to offer?
Find Penny on IG and FB:
For more information on Best Life Best Death please visit our website at www.bestlifebestdeath.com
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When Susan Elliott’s mother was at home on hospice, she was cared for by her husband and adult children. These primary caregivers received a great deal of support from hospice, and yet – as Susan says, “There were gaps." Susan’s experience is not unique. In fact, many of us will find ourselves in this exact situation one day. How can we learn more now, in order to set ourselves up for when it happens? What are the gaps, and how might they be filled?
For more information on Best Life Best Death please visit our website at www.bestlifebestdeath.com
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Jennifer and I talk about this rare treat of the book she created! Intimate, never preachy; concrete but not a self-help book; art-sy but so much more; personal yet applicable to so many. I love this book, in which Jennifer explores the death of her husband and her own survivorship, through the facts and the feelings of the experience.
https://www.hospicedrswidow.com/
Find Jennifer on IG
For more information on Best Life Best Death please visit our website at www.bestlifebestdeath.com
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In this Bonus Episode #1, I tell you more about why I interviewed these people, and they each share more about themselves and their work. Hear more from Theresa Brown #62, Barbara Karnes #64, 65, 27 and 28, and Avani Dilger #69.
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Lisa Pahl and Lori LoCicero met when Lori’s husband was dying, in his 40s. Together, they realized they could create a tool to help families and friends start conversations before it was too late. As Lori notes, “Why are we waiting until that [last] moment to talk about it… that’s when we don’t want to talk about it, that’s when it’s hardest to talk.” We need simple tools to get conversations going earlier in our lives and in ways that don’t feel overly heavy or overwhelming. That’s where the Death Deck and the EOL Deck come in. These two decks, designed with both multiple choice and open-ended questions, can help when we aren’t sure where to even begin.
Learn more at: Thedeathdeck.com
Carrie is a doula and a sister to a man with disabilities. She wants people to consider how communication, comprehension and pain management are different concerns for the population she specializes in. How can medical teams understand more about their needs? Who speaks for them, if they cannot speak for themselves? What are their issues at the end of life, and how do they differ from the general population?
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Talking with Cheryl made me more keenly aware of the ripple effect that donations have in the world. Organ, eye and tissue donations are life-saving. We talk about how she got involved with the Donor Alliance, finding donor networks in your region, how science and medicine are constantly working to improve outcomes, and what is helpful for donors and recipients to know.
Learn more at: https://www.donoralliance.org/
For more information on Best Life Best Death please visit our website at www.bestlifebestdeath.com
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Let's delve into financial matters with expert Shane Phillips! As Shane says, “The genesis of my work is seeing that most people are not prepared.” We discuss how he got into this work and the broad categories of paperwork that we all manage, no matter how simple or complex our financial situation, including personal documents, asset documents, legal and tax papers, and liabilities. What are the things we need to get together when someone dies? How might we get this organized ahead of time? If we are in charge of managing the paperwork after someone dies, where do we begin? What do our loved ones need to know and have access to? How can we find help if we need it?
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Yvonne Caputo felt compelled to write about her experiences with her father and family. She wrote "Flying with Dad: A Daughter. A Father. And the Hidden Gifts in His Stories from World War II" plus her second book, "Dying With Dad: Tough Talks for Easier Endings." In her work in retirement homes and as a psychotherapist, Yvonne knew that it mattered to have conversations about the end of life, and because she and her dad were able to have those, including working through "The Five Wishes," they gained trust, clarity and connection.
fivewishes.org
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Working with a severe stutter in the field of communication, Sharon Emery faced huge challenges daily. Finding love, raising children, creating satisfying work – all of these laid the ground for losses and grief yet to come. Sharon’s approach to “limits” and “being happy anyway” can show us all what human resilience is about. As she says, “Limits don’t define our lives so much as empower us to shape them. We determine the trajectory of the story around the limits we face.” Sharon's book is a 2023 Michigan Notable Book, and as one of the judges for that award wrote: “How can you look at some of the challenges she’s faced and not think that’s a remarkable story?”
Every state has a process to donate your whole body to science when you die. This week I talk to Kate Serr, organizer of this program for the state of Colorado and parts of Wyoming. Why do people decide to donate their body to science? What does that mean? How do you apply for this and what kind of deaths are accepted? An important take-away from this conversation: whatever your choice for what to do with your body after you die, talk abut it with your family in advance!
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This episode I talk with two doulas, Gabby Jimenez and Claudia Peñate. Both of them: work with individuals and families; offer guidance, support and education; are available before, during and after the experience; and bring expertise to common yet not-widely-known human events! They are similar but different, as one woman works with birth and the other works with death! How are these "bookends of our lives" similar and different? What kinds of support do these guides offer?
Find Gabby at: thehsopiceheart.com
Find Claudia at: https://www.claudiapenate.com/
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This week’s BLBD conversation covers embalming and reconstruction with Funeral Director and specialist Monica Torres. What is it? Who wants it? Why is it important for families? What makes it an art and a science? With cremation on the rise, is embalming still a thing? And how does Monica approach this very personal work? This conversation may even give you a new understanding and appreciation for the role that seeing a loved one's body plays in processing grief.
Find Monica at: https://www.nxtgenmortuarysupport.com/
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Dr Stefanie Green is a Canadian physician with a whole lot of experience and information to share about MAID. What is Medical Assistance in Dying in Canada? What feelings does Dr Green hear most commonly from patients? What is the hardest part of the work she has been doing since 2016? What is patient-centered care and why does it matter? What are the three things this physician would like you to take away from this conversation? This talk with Dr Green is longer than the usual BLBD episode -- I was going to create two parts, but decided it was just too interesting as one long piece. Stretch it out if you need to, but I bet you won’t be able to hit pause!
Hospice Nurse Julie delves into the details of dying, so that we can all learn more ahead of time and be better prepared when someone we love is at the end of their life. “I know, as a hospice nurse who’s used to seeing a body dying, that this is very normal: their face is going to look different; their eyes are often open, not blinking; they are not making eye contact; mouths are usually open, as all our muscles are relaxing; breathing changes; they are usually not eating or drinking; and they are probably unconscious for the most part." All of this is normal – we just don’t know it, so we can find it unsettling at best and terrifying at worst. Julie and I have a mutual goal: to normalize talking about death.
So many people are struggling with grief, burnout, caregiving, and more. The idea behind Help Texts is to get expert support directly into people's hands - literally, in their hands, by appearing on their phone via text a few times a week. How does Help Texts work? What does it cost? Why would I want this for myself or a friend or family member? And - does it really help?? As founder Emma Payne says, “It’s incredible that just a few messages a week that speak to you, are, for many people, enough.” I kinda love the idea of Barbara Karnes and other true wisdom-carriers appearing in my text stream!
Find out more at: https://helptexts.com/
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"Jack Has a Plan" is a 73-minute personal documentary which follows the story of a man diagnosed with a brain tumor. Director Bradley Berman says, “This is first and foremost a story. It is not an advocacy film for any particular outcome. It is just a story of Jack Tuller and what happened to him.” Yet this story is filled with so much to consider! Bradley and I discuss: How did this film come about? What was unique about Jack and his friends and family that made this film work? What does Jack’s experience have to share about living and dying? In this story of one man’s life, what are the enduring themes? What do audiences take away from seeing this movie? If you have a chance to see this film -- grab it! I can't stop thinking about it and will be sharing it online on 4/23/23. Find out more at bestlifebestdeath.com/other-offerings/
Jade and I were on such a roll when we recorded our podcast that, well, we just kept going! Part 1 is about death literacy, books we love, literature, how to find books that get you into these themes, and why reading about the end of life matters. (Hint: It influences our thinking in subtle but profound ways.) In Part 2, we talk about the role of doulas, the experience of hospice, what caregivers need, who typically calls in a death doula for a family, and some ethical ruminations -- because Jade is, at heart, a philosopher and doula!
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Jade Adgate and I both love to read and we love to read books that expose us to new angles of death, dying, loss and grief. Sounds miserable, eh? But it’s honestly not. Through reading, we clarify our own thinking and values around these hugely human issues. Whatever you are reading, you can watch for these themes, and you can make it a point to read on hard topics long before you or a loved one needs the information. In this episode, we talk about 20 books that will increase your death literacy!
✨Being Mortal, Atul Gawande
✨When Breath Becomes Air, Paul Kalanithi
✨Giovanni’s Room, James Baldwin
✨In Love, Amy Bloom (BLBD Podcast #43)
✨When My Time Comes, Diane Rehm
✨Last Day, Dava Shastri
✨Crying in H Mart, Michelle Zauner
✨A Matter of Death and Life, Irvin Yalom and Marilyn Yalom
✨The Book of Two Ways, Jodi Picoult
✨The Spanish Love Deception, Elena Armas
✨On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous and Time is a Mother, Ocean Vuong
✨A Thousand Mornings, Mary Oliver
✨Late Migrations: A Natural History of Loss, Margaret Renkl
✨The Cancer Journals, Audre Lorde
✨Clear Cut: One Woman’s Journey of Life in the Body, Ginny Jordan
✨Signs: The Secret Language of the Universe, Laura Lynn Jackson
✨For Small Creatures Such as We: Rituals for Finding Meaning in Our Unlikely World, Sasha Sagan
✨Death is But A Dream, Dr Christopher Kerr (BLBD Podcast #30 and #31)
✨With the End in Mind + Listen: The Art of Tender Conversations, Dr Kathryn Mannix
As a specialist in selling the many and varied items in an estate after someone has died, Louis Clough has some thoughts to share about stuff. How does the 80/20 rule apply to the material value of things in an estate? When should you sell vs keep something? How can sellers make sense of the options they have? Why is it important to think about our stuff now? Listen in, as Louis and I are about to cover a lot of stuff!
In her work as an end of-life practitioner, Rhea Mader finds herself in the deep end of the pool when it comes to conversations! Sometimes she simply brings the words dying and death into the room and that can make a difference. Sometimes she holds space for really big topics, such as "what meaning came from my life?" End of life doulas can add vocabulary, an objective presence, and the heart-to-heart piece that families and individuals might be seeking.
Dr Ira Byock - leader in palliative care, advocate for patients, and author - joins me this week. We discuss: What might it mean to “die well”? Why is the nature of serious illness more personal than medical? What are the “four things that matter most”? What does “forgiveness” mean? How do the phrases he writes about in The Four Things that Matter Most apply to any of us, at any time in our lives? This week’s BLBD conversation really grabbed me, because it is about dying, sure, but it is far more about living… and living with humility and kindness.
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Episode
After Loss Professionals such as Rachel Donnelly play a unique role for all there is to be done after someone has died. Different from an attorney, more nuanced than an organizer, and with the know-how to do far more than just drop things off at a thrift store, Rachel can act as the ”air traffic controller” to manage the entire project of settling an estate. Whether it involves going through probate, deciding what to do with collections of unknown worth (Grandpa’s gold coins? Mom’s silver?), or filling out cumbersome out-of-state forms (transferring a car title in Minnesota?) – Black Dress Consultants can help!
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Episode
The range of unique urns is as wide as the artists who are making them! This week I talk with woodworker C.C. Boyce, who developed a two-part wooden urn suitable for the cremated remains of people or pets. They come in various woods and sizes, and there is space in the bottom for cremains and space on top for a plant. Hear how she got into this work and why one of her pieces might fit beautifully into your life.
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Episode
In Part 2 of our conversation, Sam and I talk further about compassionate options at the end of life. How have various state Medical Aid In Dying laws been passed? What part do data, numbers and personal stories play in helping us to better understand the issues? Why talk to your doctor about your values and options now? What compassionate end-of-life choices are there for those with dementia, and how could those be put in your Advance Directive today?How do the options of ending treatment, palliative sedation, or VSED (Voluntary Stopping of Eating and Drinking) come into play? What does Compassion and Choices have to offer lay people, legislators, doctors, nurses, social workers, and more??
This week and next, Sam and I dive and digress into several aspects of the end of life. How do we die? How did the organization Compassion & Choices come to be? What is Medical Aid in Dying? What do I need to know about Advance Directives? How do the choices that I write down now impact my future? The organization Compassion and Choices has deep roots and a wide spread of branches, offering us information on a variety of topics for our end of life journey.
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Episode
This week I talk with Kayla Nakano, one of the founders of a podcast about pet loss. Kayla and I talk about these loving relationships and the complex grief that can accompany their death – which is almost always so much sooner than we would like. What helps people through the loss of a beloved animal companion? What is “normal” for this type of loss? And how can we support friends and family through this experience?
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Episode
This week Kim Mooney (thanatolgist and founder of Practically Dying) and I continue our conversation about “exit ramps.” Listen to learn about: palliative sedation, voluntary stopping of eating and drinking (VSED) and Medical Aid in Dying (MAID). What do each of these terms mean? What are the laws in various states? How do these processes work? What might these choices mean - legally, medically and personally? Kim and I discuss anecdotes from personal experience as well as broader questions of culture and ethics.
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Episode
This week I talk with Kim Mooney, long-time end-of-life educator and expert in the field. If you want to hear a couple of high-energy, fast-talking women discuss how we die… you’ve come to the right place! In Part 1 this week, Kim and I get into: keeping bodies alive vs people thriving; palliative care and hospice; exit ramps at the end of life - what are the various trajectories of how we die? And how can thinking about the end of life help us and our loved ones now and as we get closer to that exit ramp?
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Episode
Rob and I discuss drugs like psilocybin, MDMA and ketamine. How are they impacting the therapeutic world and the end-of-life world? What can come from ketamine-assisted therapy? What might a few sessions of this look like? What are the origins of these plant medicines and how are doctors, therapists and the pharmaceutical industry working with them lately? Rob says that he sees people experience "really purposeful changes" from "having a few meaningful experiences.” Tune in to learn more!
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Avani Dilger's career and calling in working with addiction, trauma, connection, and the existential questions that we all seek to explore began early in her life with the deaths of two friends. I would say that nearly everyone I know has been touched by addiction, so the questions we ask in the episode are vital to all of us: What is it that people seek through addiction? Why is this such an epidemic? We often label addiction as being about substances - drugs, alcohol - but what else are we addicted to? And, most importantly, what are other ways that people can tap into the longing for what they seek?
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One of many online “story capturing” programs, I gave my dad a gift of Storyworth last Christmas. How did it work, what did he have to do, how did it all come together, and was it worth the time, cost and effort? I'll tell you about our experience plus a few thoughts about why I think sharing our stories matters. As author Charles deLint says, "We're all made of stories. When they finally put us underground, the stories are what will go on. Not forever, perhaps, but for a time. It's a kind of immortality, I suppose, bounded by limits, it's true, but then so's everything."
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Today’s conversation is with the two of the Founders of Titan Casket, Scott Ginsberg and Joshua Siegel. As they say on the Titan website: “Titan Casket was founded with a singular mission: to offer designer caskets at revolutionary prices, while driving affordability and transparency in the funeral industry.” What are they doing? How it is different? How is this business model changing the funeral industry? And how are consumers reacting?
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The mission of the Rocky Mountain Refuge for End of Life Care is "to offer a dignified alternative to dying alone on the street for those with terminal illness." In this podcast, you’ll learn from the interim executive director, Brother James Partick Hall, about the often challenging end-of-life trajectories for unhoused people in the Denver community. JP shares clear information plus moving stories about how a team of social workers and hospice caretakers are stepping in to support those in need.
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Barbara Karnes, RN and I talk about the ins and out of the holiday season – the awkwardness at times, group gatherings, being alone. What things can be helpful if grief is in your heart? How do we support ourselves, ask for help, and reach out to others? As we chat, Barbara and I end up taking this well beyond December, with Barbara encouraging us to consider how we might live with a mindset of “making the most of each moment” every day of the year. She says, “We should live our life like this 365 days a year! Every single day is a gift. We tend to focus on seasonal areas — yet what really matters is the moment we are in.”
This podcast is all about the role of being a caregiver: what situations put us in this role, who is finding themselves doing the bulk of caregiving, why does caregiving feel different in this era, and what can we do to support caregivers? Barbara is a practical, heartful end-of-life educator, and when you combine her wisdom with my curiosity - it's a good listen! As Barbara says, "I think we need to shine light on caregivers" as they are "the invisible hero in the whole scenario."
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Greg Dale of Artful Ashes (Seattle, WA) says simply: ”We create beautiful, tangible treasures. Something that people can hold and remember the good times.” How do they do this? By creating unique blown glass art from cremated remains! Find out how this unique glass art business got its spark to begin, how people come from all over to participate in the ceremonies of making these pieces, and about the true artistic and heart-filled inspiration at the core of this work. Beautiful!
For more info visit Artfulashes.com
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Theresa and I run the gamut in this conversation, from her many experiences as a nurse to her sudden role as a breast cancer patient. Her book -- Healing: When a Nurse Becomes a Patient -- forms the basis of our wide-ranging conversation. We cover her experience plus compassion, empathy, overwhelm, our for-profit medical system, and the varied challenges/obstacles/mazes that patients face. This discussion touches all of us at some point, because we all interface with the medical world. And how to do it in the best way possible, for everyone involved in patient care?
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“We kind of are a ‘just say yes’ funeral home!” says Seth Viddal of The Natural Funeral. Seth is full of information about what they offer at their location in the Front Range of Colorado, and I was fascinated to learn all about it. He and I discuss water cremation, flame cremation, natural reduction, burial, green burial, private land burial, and open air pyre cremations. This episode may pique your curiosity to think about what is available in your area and what feels right to you.
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What does a singer/songwriter have to do with Best Life Best Death? Just listen, as Peter Mayer offers an uplifting reminder of the beauty in the everyday and thoughtful reflections on our place in the cosmos. He plays an acoustic version of “You’re Not Just a Wave, You’re the Whole Ocean Wide” – a remarkable unrecorded song, based on a metaphor from "Tuesdays with Morrie." Plus a simple, acoustic version of “Everything Is Holy Now.”
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Alexandra Jo and I dig into the work of Parting Stone, a company which creates beautiful, solid, rock-like pieces from cremation remains. We talk about what they look and feel like, as well as how these stones support “the creative ways that people can ritualize grieving." We digress into talk about playing in cemeteries while growing up, disenfranchised grief (what's that? - you'll soon learn), and how to support others in their “full bucket” time of grief.
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“In the Best 3 Months course, you lead us through big picture questions that ultimately ask: Are you going in the direction you want to be going?” When my podcast guest -- Muralist and Live Artist Taylor Gallegos -- made this comment, I could not have been happier. For me, this is what it’s all about: reflecting, talking, learning from one another, and authentically clarifying: what’s my direction and how am I being fully in my life? Taylor says that his previous thinking about his work was like a light bulb shining, but now, with the reflection that the Best 3 Months course offered, that clarity feels like a laser-beam, driving him to expand both his work and life. P.S. Aren't you curious what he means by "Live Artist"? He explains!
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Pediatric expert Bonnie Compton and I discuss the death of children. Combining years of experience as an end-of-life doula, child and adolescent therapist, and parent coach, Bonnie brings compassion and practical advice to this difficult subject. Our conversation includes: What can be done to support bereaved parents? How do such deaths affect grandparents/siblings/friends? How can support be asked for and offered?
Quite simply, we talk about: How difficult this is for all involved, yet how we can be there for each other. www.gentleheartjourneys.com
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In episode #56, I talk with Marcy Lindberg, Co-Owner with her husband of Stardust Memorials. Specializing in the online sales of cremation remains and cremation jewelry, Marcy shares so much dynamic and useful information on subjects like: choosing an urn; scattering ashes at land or sea; biodegradable options; selecting memorial jewelry; buying online; and the benefits of preplanning. Listen and you may just find yourself getting more curious about what products and services are available these days!
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Enjoy this fast-paced conversation with hospice nurse, end-of-life doula, and conscious dying educator Gabrielle Jimenez of The Hospice Heart. Gabby has so much to offer, and we discuss some of the questions in her most recent book, "What Would Gabby Say?" She talks about the power of learning about what to expect around death, the transformation that comes in facing and sharing our grief, and her belief in the possibility of easing suffering for everyone at the end of life. Warmth and candor are the hallmarks of this lovely human.
Find Gabby on Facebook here and check out her website at www.thehospiceheart.net.
For more information on Best Life Best Death please visit our website at www.bestlifebestdeath.com
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This week’s podcast speaks to the heart about music at the end of life. My guest, Jan Booth, says: “Music can support and bolster people, especially in hard times. It can be inspiring; it can bring people together; it can foster connection; it can change the dynamic in a room, or in a house, or in someone’s internal state. Music can bring a sacred quality to the end of life; it can shift the energy of a moment. Music speaks to the heart and the spirit. It can invoke tears, and it can bring up memories as part of a life review.” There are so many ways that music can touch us and bring us together at the end of life! Listen in to hear Jan’s thoughts on the power of music as medicine and how we can bring this resource to the bedside.
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In this tough but very important episode, therapist Joy Redstone and I discuss several aspects of suicide. We talk about the importance of language when talking about suicide; the importance of speaking up and reducing shame; how suicide can impact suicide survivors - those who are near and dear; and how we can offer support - to those in need and those who have been left behind. My hope is that this episode will expand your understanding and give you practical steps to take when suicide enters your life.
For more information on Best Life Best Death please visit our website at www.bestlifebestdeath.com
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This week I talk with Nicole Comach, End-of-Life Guide, Grief Companion and founder of Emerald Awakenings. We discuss: What do people fear about death? Do these fears fit into categories? How do these vary from person to person and with each situation? What can we do to work with our own fears? How can we support loved ones when they are afraid? Join us to gain new insights into your own fears and come out with ideas on how to move forward.
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Jamie Kramer is the founder of Beyond Forests, in the Leelanau area of Michigan. In this two-fold project, Jamie and her colleagues are: 1) seeking land to create a memorial forest, where cremated remains can rest in nature; and 2) developing technology to note the GPS markings of cremains anywhere, with corresponding pages for memorial notes and records of visits. As an article about Beyond Forests notes, they are creating “new options for this new generation of people.”
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Best 3 Months is a course developed by the Conscious Dying Institute which is offered by myself and other graduates of CDI who love end-of-life coaching and education. I teach this course over zoom, and people often ask me to describe the class -- so here goes!
The premise of this course is that you have only 3 months to live, so in the very first class we name our up-coming date of death, 90 days from the day we start. From there, the 6-week course covers the following areas of our lives: Physical, Spiritual, Emotional, Practical and Legacy. Each week, I email class members materials for the domain we will explore that week – reflection questions, brief articles, perhaps a TEDtalk or other video. Participants spend time answering the questions in writing for themselves and then join in the 90 minute class on zoom for more about that week’s topic. We explore through additional resources and discussion, and each person creates action steps for that domain that are individualized, concrete and do-able. Bottom line: you learn what you want in these last “best 3 months” and discover what you can do to make it happen.
For more information on Best Life Best Death please visit our website at www.bestlifebestdeath.com
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“Saying Goodbye: Preparing for Death" is the second film in the When You Die documentary trilogy -- 3 feature-length films about various aspects of the end of life. “Through stories from professionals who have spent their careers at the bedside, 'Saying Goodbye' opens the door to good conversation about what is possible as we pass from this life.” In this podcast episode, I talk with Director Johanna Lunn about this film and how it explore questions that many of us avoid: "What is a good death? Could we possibly heal old emotional wounds as death approaches? Where do we want to die? What quality of life is enough for you? What is a conscious death? Could we do it?”
For more information on Best Life Best Death please visit our website at www.bestlifebestdeath.com
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Dr Harvey Max Chochinov, Canadian psychiatrist and expert in issues around palliative care, chats with me about misperceptions, unconscious biases, and the effect on patient care. He notes, “These issues of bias aren’t just about palliative care – they are relevant to anyone who becomes a patient at some point in their life!”
I found Dr Chochinov’s insights and research intriguing, and you can look him up at dignityincare.ca or read his work here https://liebertpub.com/doi/epdf/10.1089/jpm.2022.0075
For more information on Best Life Best Death please visit our website at www.bestlifebestdeath.com
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A 4th generation Delaware funeral director, Todd Harra is one of the foremost experts on the history (and future) of burial rites in the United States. In his latest book, Last Rites: The Evolution of the American Funeral (coming August 2, 2022), Todd takes readers on a fascinating exploration of American funeral customs — where they came from, what they mean, and how they are still evolving. Listen in as Todd and I discuss the book, plenty of history, and some nitty gritty about what Americans are doing these days at the end of life.
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In this episode I talk with the author and artist who created "Headland," Kate Schneider. Her vision for this graphic novel was to portray an internal experience that none of us can know, in order to generate compassion for those with brain differences. How poignant that her own subsequent diagnosis and treatment for a brain tumor further opened her mind to the wonder of changes in the brain. She says, “There’s beauty and there’s terror and there’s all in between!”
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In this episode, I talk with Day Schildkret about his life, work, books and art. As Day says, “We need mechanisms in our daily, monthly, annual lives – and our personal and collective lives – that help us remember who and where we are. Life is crazy, and we can lose ourselves. Rituals help us to remember.” You may come away inspired to mark a change, take new notice of what you already do, or create something special for an occasion.
For more about Day visit morningaltars.com and dayschildkret.com.
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On this episode, I interview author Amy Bloom, whose husband Brian Ameche was told by doctors that he had Alzheimer’s disease, a progressive, neurodegenerative disease characterized by memory loss. Amy said in our interview: “After a weekend of processing and crying together, Brian said, ‘I’m not here for the long goodbye. You know how I am. I’d rather die on my feet than live on my knees. And we're going to have to find a way for me to end my life while I still have the capacity to consent to ending my life.’ That was the beginning of the journey and the beginning of the book.”
Amy's New York Times best-selling book about their experience is called "In Love: A Memoir of Love and Loss." It is a gorgeous, stunning read, and this is a not-to-be-missed conversation.
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Join me as I chat with George Frankel, CEO of Eternal Reefs, and find out how this organization combines the cremated remains of loved ones with an environmentally safe cement mixture to create artificial reef formations. These permanent memorials are placed on the ocean floor to create new marine habitats for fish and other forms of sea life. I think I know some ocean-lovers who might love this idea for a final resting place!
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Jessica Wertz - ceramic artist + author of the Spirit Vessel Ceremony Guide Book - and I talk about road trips, small towns, ceremony, grief, and sacred time. The name of her work, Spirit Vessel, has three layers: the body as a vessel for the spirit; the vessel of each ceramic urn she makes that holds cremated remains; and the vessel of ceremony - capable of holding and transforming individuals and communities in their grief. Jessica says: “The idea of ceremony seems revolutionary now, but it’s actually the oldest idea – all of our ancestors came from societies that practiced ceremonies.”
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Mary Anne Oglesby-Sutherly is the founder and executive director of a day care program for people with dementia. We discuss a variety of things, including: how to cope with receiving a dementia diagnosis, why it matters what kind of dementia it is, how to find resources such as caregivers or respite programs, when to seek palliative care or hospice, and more.
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Mary Anne Oglesby-Sutherly talks about dementia -- the challenges of getting a diagnosis, the challenges of medication, and the challenges of day-to-day living with this impactful condition. Her respite care organization in Gallatin TN, The Veranda, offers a place for adults living with dementia to come for the day.
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Hannah Fowler and I talk about how she became involved in the making of the movie “The Last Ecstatic Days,” and what she has taken away from this profound project. Hannah is the Impact Producer for the film, an end-of-life doula and educator, a hospice RN, and faculty at the Conscious Dying Institute.
Learn more about why Ethan chose to film himself at the end of his life, how he found community through social media and in his community, and what you can take with you from one man's approach to his own death. Watch the trailer at https://www.thelastecstaticdaysmovie.com
For more information on Best Life Best Death please visit our website at www.bestlifebestdeath.com
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Join Kiley Crowley from Solace Cremation as she and I discuss cremation. How does it work and where does it happen? What does it cost? Why might someone choose cremation? And what are some of the new ways that even this "tried and true" method of body disposition are changing in the current landscape of the U.S., with dispersed families and rising costs?
For more information on Best Life Best Death please visit our website at www.bestlifebestdeath.com
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Dr. Geber's book, Essential Retirement Planning for Solo Agers: A Retirement and Aging Roadmap for Single and Childless Adults lays out 6 essential elements for aging safely and happily. Based on research across several areas, such as economics and psychology, these 6 elements are truly what matter most. Join us to hear Dr. Geber's thoughts on how to plan and cultivate well-thought out strategies for living well. As she says, “How do you take charge of your own script as you age?”
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“I’m fine. That’s what grievers often say when people ask how they are doing. Except they’re not fine.” When Rachel Brougham was a young wife, her dynamic, beloved husband was killed in a bike accident in the city of Minneapolis while she was home making tacos for dinner. Her book, Widowland, is part memoir, part grief journal, part advice manual for all of us to better understand the path of grieving and how to support ourselves and others along its rocky contours. Whether coming from an expected death or a sudden surprise, grief is a new land – a region Rachel calls widowland – and we can learn how to be in that space and how to offer stronger support to those who dwell there.
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Anthropologist Shannon Lee Dawdy set out to interview 100s of people in the U.S. over 5 years, in order to better understand American death practices. What she found is a phenomenon that is rapidly changing! Our podcast conversation and her book, "American Afterlives: Reinventing Death in the 21st Century," both offer glimpses into how we care for our dead -- our ceremonies, practices and beliefs.
Continuing my exploration of body disposition options, on this podcast I talk with Emily Nelson of Be a Tree Cremation to get the details on "aquamation" or "water cremation." This is not a new process per se, but it is somewhat new in its use with people. In this process, which is becoming more and more available, the body’s tissues are broken down using water, heat, and alkaline chemicals. Listen in to hear more!
What is the so-called “Village Movement," in California and nation-wide? A way for people to help people, intentionally create community, and keep elders living well in their own homes! My favorite quote from this conversation with Kate Hoepke: “Young people step up to help their older neighbors for a lot of reasons – and deeply rooted is a need that younger people have for elders in their lives.”
Artist and art therapist Jackie Schuld and I discuss what prompted her to write “Grief is a Mess” and how creating these drawings and texts was helpful in a time of loss. Her charming animal characters find themselves in situations in which grief can surprise and overwhelm, or in which friends can be supportive or step on toes. Jackie’s genuine style and her creative joy make for a wonderful conversation!
In Part II of this conversation with Dr Christopher Kerr, he and I get into some nitty-gritty about what it would take to have more of us choose hospice sooner – thereby improving patient satisfaction, extending lives, lowering costs, and for sure increasing the quality of our final days. What gets in the way of doing what would make such a difference?
Dr. Christopher Kerr – of Hospice & Palliative Care Buffalo – studies and works daily with people who are at the end of their lives. After realizing that many of his patients had extraordinary experiences as death approached, he decided to design studies that would tabulate these experiences in a meaningful way. Dr. Kerr sees that these visions and healing experiences are “enormous gifts” to the dying and also to those left behind. They impact the bereaved because “how people leave us matters” – how we grieve is impacted by how we experienced the death. Listen in as Dr. Kerr and I discuss all of this and so much more in Part I of our conversation!
Brie Smith - funeral director at Return Home - and I discuss Natural Organic Reduction aka “Terramation.” Get a look behind the sensational headlines of “human composting” and find out more about how this got started, first in WA state and then in CO and OR. How did it begin? What’s the process, science, and end result? How do families participate and what inspires people to choose this form of body disposition?
In Part II of our conversation, Barbara Karnes, RN and I move into talking about some harder questions that come up in the end-of-life arena, including: When someone is reluctant to have a conversation about the end of life, how might we approach the topic? Is calling in hospice a “defeat” in some way? How has hospice changed and evolved in the years since it first began in the U.S.? How do “doulas” fit into the picture? And in not talking about death directly – or perhaps in not experiencing it as directly as the generations before us – what have we lost? What do we have to gain?
Barbara Karnes, RN – hospice pioneer in the US and end-of-life educator extraordinaire – joins me to discuss her background, share her experience, and offer a few pearls of wisdom that we can put into practice today. How can we better understand the process of gradual death, and how can we benefit from “the gift of time” that is a gradual death? How can “gentle education” help our fear go down, so that we can be present for our loved ones?
After the sudden death of his brother, Preston Zeller decided to dive into his grief and his creativity by painting every day for a year. He made a gorgeous, moving, colorful film about the project, called “The Art of Grieving.” Preston and I talk about grief, loss, dignity, joy, family, art history, and the struggles of mourning.
Join me and Maria Fraietta to hear more about how the Nokbox - or Next of Kin box - could save you a lot of time and effort. These 14 folders and corresponding instructions are designed to make critical papers and items easy to find, file, and know what to do with when the time comes to manage the paperwork that surrounds a death. Get organized early in your life and/or use it as a map to find everything when someone has died.
Jamie Sarche, Director of Pre-Planning at Feldman Mortuary, a family-owned funeral business in Denver, CO discusses the advantages of planning a funeral in advance. Get ready to hear why grief rituals matter and to ask yourself, "Do I really want to google funeral homes on the day that I need to find one??"
Learn about green burial and how licensed funeral director Emily Miller has turned 80 acres of high, pristine prairie lands into a fully natural burial site. What is the Colorado Burial Preserve, and how does it work?
cianna stewart is the creator of the Dying Kindness podcast, "a podcast for people who are going to die someday." Her wry sense of humor and practical advice go right to the heart of the work of Best Life Best Death! How did we meet? What does it mean to 'make your death kinder'? And what wisdom does her life experience have to offer?
As his wife slowly succumbed to a drawn-out illness, businessman, spouse and father Gene Zimmerman found himself writing poetry as a way to make sense of each difficult day during her decline and after her death. We discuss the challenges of this impossible situation, how he found inspiration through writing, and what his experience has to teach others about grief, loss and love.
Attached is a review of "Searching For Clarity."
https://www.forewordreviews.com/reviews/searching-for-clarity/
Clutter! Help! What is so-called "Swedish Death Cleaning” and how can these principles help us take charge of the clutter in our homes? Join me for some de-cluttering inspiration based on books, articles and personal experience.
Johanna J Lunn When You Die, director/producer, and I discuss the film "In the Realm of Death and Dreaming" + her next three documentary films about the end of life. What’s to be learned from these four movies and the extraordinary experiences discussed here by scientists, medical practitioners and lay people? As caregivers, how do we "gently be" with the altered experiences of those who are dying?
Author, speaker and grief specialist Gary Roe and I discuss the topic “Grief: It's Everywhere!" From humanity living with the COVID pandemic to personal losses of all magnitudes, grief is everywhere. It matters what you go through -- and it matters what you do with it. Gary talks about the "ABCs" of loss and how to make connections despite this toughest of human experiences.
Co-creator of The Death Deck, Lori LoCicerco describes how she and Lisa Pahl decided to bring conversations about death to the fore by making a game that helps anyone talk about “the most universal yet rarely talked about topic of all.”
David Wilcox and I talk about "cardio spelunking" and how creating songs is way to move emotions. Includes an unrecorded song about his father's death.
Monotasking expert and founder of Juniper Books, Thatcher Wine and I discuss the concepts in his book "The Twelve Monotasks: Do One Thing at a Time to Do Everything Better." Drive when you drive!
Hospice nurse and growing public figure (450K TikTok followers, 30K+ on Instagram) Julie McFadden and I discuss the topic, “What Makes a Peaceful Death?” This impassioned nurse uses social media as a way to reach people with simple tips to better understand the end of life, make sense of what is happening to a loved one, and be better prepared for the inevitable.
What are some of the ways that we can capture family history and stories? Ann Whitehill and I discuss her experience using ancestry.com, and talk about other services that guide individuals and families on how to create something new from memories and photos.
Jennifer Caroll - author, journalist, biographer, and artist - chats with me about tributes, memoirs and even obituaries. How do people get started? Why bother to tell about my "ordinary" life? What does it mean to write your own story?
Singer songwriter David Wilcox joins me with two unique songs and some ruminations on gratitude, death and love.
Johanna Lunn - director, producer, exquisite human! - talks about the When You Die Project and how the documentary film "In the Realm of Death and Dreaming" came to be. How hard could it be?!
Minoti Rajput - wealth advisor, author, & financial advocate for women of all ages and means - discusses how parents of special needs children can think about planning for long term care. Her book is Beyond a Parent's Love: Lessons Learned in Life-Planning for Special Needs Children.
Guest Lynn Golden, an end-of-life doula and educator, discusses hospice and doula support at the end of life. Through powerful stories, she shares the benefits of having this kind of guidance for both the dying and the living.
Family communication in crisis can resemble an aviary, with squawking visitors and pecking orders. Learn about seagull syndrome and the ring theory of kvetching, in which we complain/vent in a specific direction, so as not to overwhelm those most in need.
Barbara Karnes, hospice pioneer and author of "Gone from My Sight," inspires me to explore palliative care, hospice and end-of-life doulas. And thanks to Russ for the new guitar segments!
Zak Foster - visual artist, teacher, and creative community builder - shares his thoughts on memorial, burial and funeral quilts + sewing as a metaphor.
I read an excerpt from Being Mortal, in which a town improves the lives and deaths of residents by having conversations. Author Atul Gawande says, if the FDA could approve conversations they would be -- that's how big of a difference they can make!
Katy's Butler's book "The Art of Dying Well" offers one sentence that may answer the question: Why think about all this aging and mortality stuff?
My friend Adam Kimberly shares his powerful experience around his father's death - what it means to say everything you need to say, and how chance encounters can change everything.