Magellans at the Movies: Recent Episodes
Nathan Magalhaes
Welcome to Magellans at the Movies, the outrageously popular new podcast about all things movies brought to you by Nathan “I-can’t-believe-I-ate-the-whole-thing” Magalhães and his brother Elliot “Who-on-Earth-is-going-to-listen-to-a-podcast-we-make” Magalhães! (Outrageous popularity pending) Join the brothers Magalhães (Anglicized as Magellan) as they bicker and banter about movies no one has seen or cares about or that have already been analyzed by far sharper minds than their own every week, along with special guest stars of varying willingness and notoriety! Get ready to laugh along with Nathan’s meandering freshman film student level critiques of movies you’ve never heard of, and enjoy the bored, grumpy-senior-citizen-who-would-rather-be-feeding-pigeons energy that has made Elliot the toast of the greater Indianola area! Come for the lukewarm old-man-yells-at-cloud takes on modern movies, stay because you got distracted and left Spotify running. See you at the cinema!
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There’s no business like show business. Actually, I think there’s at least a couple businesses in which clueless narcissists and incompetent money men make fools of themselves both privately and professionally for the viewing pleasure of the masses, but perhaps none in environs so strenuous as Hollywood. Yes, the men and women behind the movies have to kill themselves in cutthroat work so contentious you might even say it’s . . . murder. At least that’s the case for the characters of The Player, a 1992 film directed by Robert Altman and based on the book by Michael Tolkin (no relation). This part noir, part comedy, part satirical sendup of what goes on behind the behind the scenes of moviemaking was a critical hit and awards darling thanks to its slick production and frequent celebrity cameos which haven’t aged poorly in any way whatsoever, and now aims for the most prestigious of awards: a kind word from Magellans at the Movies. But will the movie land a cushy, five picture contract in the hearts of our hosts, or will it receive nothing but a vague gesture towards a followup sometime in the next six months? If you don’t want to find out, keep it to yourself!
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I don't like alcohol. It's bitter and unhealthy, and it gets everywhere . . . you know, if you spill it. No sir, alcohol has never been for me, and indeed its popularity is on the decline across the U.S. these days. There was a time, however, when Americans were bonkers for beer, so much so that, when a passionate group of dissenters from this overwhelming liquor love instituted a nationwide ban, many were even willing to break the law to have a taste. Hence the rise of bootleggers, and further hence the events chronicled in The Untouchables, a 1987 crime drama directed by Brian De Palma and based(ish) on the book of the same name by Eliot Ness and Oscar Fraley. This cigar-chomping, machine-gunning examplar of gangster cinema portrays law enforcement's yearslong effort to bring down the infamous Al Capone with De Palma's distinctively smooth style, winning for itself respectable hauls of both kudos and cash. But will Nathan and Elliot raise a glass of illicit moonshine in honor of this crime classic, or will the film fall afoul of a seriously grouchy dinner party host with a penchant for baseball? Doff your fedora and polish your badge as we find out!
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What a nightmare it is to commute. To trudge in a great column of drones into the stone bellies of banks, firms, offices, and workshops only to retake your place in the same procession filtering back to homes where you eat, sleep, and prepare to do it all again. Yes, getting to work and going home can be a joyless affair, but at least we can thank our lucky stars the man at the toll booth doesn’t try to lock us in a cave to be devoured one by one. But that is just one of the many obstacles faced by the characters of The Odyssey, a 2026 epic fantasy film directed by Christopher Nolan and based on Odyssey by . . . uh, that’s actually more complicated than you might expect, so let’s just say Homer for tradition’s sake. Nolan’s controversial, hugely ambitious followup to his Oscar win was automatically a subject of great anticipation for fans Nathan and Elliot, but now that it’s finally out, will the film be greeted like a lost love returning from years of wandering, or will it sail too close to Charybdis and be claimed by the sea? Defy your responsibilities and listen to this extra-long episode to find out!
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Everyone loves an underdog story, and no unlikely triumph gets audiences on their feet like those shocking upsets which unfold in sports. The victory of the Earthy Lovable Small Town Spotted Toads over the Arrogant Wealthy Big City Polar Bears is certain to move make you a Spotted Toad fan for life because the inspiring, uplifting story is so hard to resist. What's true in real life is often true in movies as well, which is why we have films like Hoosiers, a 1986 sports drama directed by David Anspaugh and based(ish)on the successes of the 1954 season of the Milan High School basketball team. This feel-good fable of dunks, dribbles, and drunkards was hugely popular on release, and is held by many to be among the best sports movies of all time, so it was inevitable that a sports-loving relative of Magellans at the Movies would request it. Repeatedly. But will the movie stage a dominant performance on the court of quality, or will it bounce the ball of its foot in doleful ignominy? Jump in your jersey as we find out!
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Ah, the heady days of youth, throwing action figures down stairwells and smashing armies of toy soldiers together in shocking displays of poor generalship. You may remember these blissful hours fondly, but playtime may carry less nostalgia if you knew that every time you dropped G.I. Joe on his plastic head you were actually committing a grave crime against the health and dignity of a living, feeling creature. That’s right, you vile war criminal, according to Toy Story, a 1995 animated adventure directed by John Lasseter, you shouldn’t be fondly reminiscing about your adolescent adventures, you should be dragged before the Hague in chains! I’m being glib, of course, being dropped on the head is generally what a toy signs up for in the world of this beloved kids’ classic (though they draw a firm line at death by rocket), and it’s exactly that warm, familial sentiment which makes Toy Story the film that it is. We won’t be coy about this one, folks: Toy Story is an undeniable masterpiece, and Magellans at the Movies will spend the next forty five minutes or so extolling its many, many virtues. You’ve got a good podcast in me, so press play and I’ll be eternally grateful!
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Fernão de Magalhães, or if you’re a lazy, uncultured American, Ferdinand Magellan. He probably isn’t a historical figure to whom you’ve dedicated much thought lately, or, you know, ever. Magalhães’s life and achievements may not make themselves felt in your day to day life, but there’s no denying he impacted history in a significant way. The benefits or harms of that impact, however, are, like literally everything else about history, the subject of impassioned debate. Hence Magellan, a 2025 historical epic directed by Lav Diaz, a man with some pretty strong opinions on this Portuguese navigator, opinions which he rendered across almost three hours of a movie that, if nothing else, is uncompromising in its vision. This laconic, lethargic tale of colonization and violation earned little in the way of cash or broad popular notice, but the reviews were strong and Nathan thought it would be funny to review a movie which kind of shares this program’s name. But will the movie successfully circumnavigate the globe of quality and arrive safely at home to a rapturous welcome, or will it take an arrow to the face from the enraged natives of boredom and self-righteousness? Unfurl the sails and embark with the second-most well known Magellans to find out!
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Magellans at the Movies. What can I say about this storied institution, this foundational pillar of film criticism that hasn’t been said? More books have been written on the world’s most listened-to podcast than on religion, history, and self-help combined, and yet, the men behind the movies remain a mystery. Who are these two mavericks, these titans? Where do they come from? What divine spirit empowers their globe-spanning enterprises? What, finally, is the secret to their unprecedented success? Well, I guess you’ll have to wait until episode three hundred to find out because for our two hundredth episode special Nathan and Elliot will be hosting a tournament of EVERY MOVIE THEY HAVE REVIEWED to find out which is the best. That’s a lot of films to get through, so thank you for staying with us through these many installments, and good luck finishing this one.
Bracket Link: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1gZg_3f3AoBV6p9Df_yz1rzul-w8Xuzywp2IPm1T_99E/copy?usp=sharing
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What’s the first thing that comes to mind when I say the word “sports?” If you said something along the lines of the majesty of the human body in motion, achieving feats of athletic beauty and physical prowess as men and women test the limits of their strength and dexterity, then congratulations . . . on being WRONG, idiot! Sports, like everything else in life, is about getting cold hard cash, something that can be accomplished more easily than ever these days thanks to the explosion of sports betting. Making bank may not be as easy as the commercials want you to think, though, especially if you’re an irrepressible, fast talking gambler peddling the world’s tackiest jewelry. I’m talking, of course, about the plot of Uncut Gems, a 2019 crime drama directed by the Safdie brothers. This loud, loquacious flick made a splash when it released thanks to its many, many, many anxiety-inducing scenes of people shouting over and at each other. Will the Magellans at the Movies bet big on this 24 karat caper, or will the film lose it all on a last minute spread? This is me, this is how I win, by reviewing movies for your listening pleasure!
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Nathan and Elliot are back at it with their comic misadventures in movie reviewing, this time examining the 1958 Alfred Hitchcock classic Vertigo. Will they be made dizzy with joy by the charms of this thriller romance, or will they nauseously withdraw from the precipice in search of safer ground? Let’s find out!
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Siblings. Can’t live with ‘em, absolutely can live without ‘em, but, unfortunately for those of us who are not criminally minded, circumstances often restrict our options. Life with a brother or sister doesn’t have to be all misery and movie podcasts, however, for some brotherhood comes naturally, as is the case for the titular bros of The Blues Brothers, a 1980 musical comedy directed by John Landis. Adapted from sketches of the glory days of SNL (that’s Saturday Night Live for you uncultured types), this bouncy, melodious fable of fraternal frolicking is both well known and well liked for its superstar lineup of musical talents belting out their greatest hits in colorful numbers. But are its comedic and rhythmic charms enough to send Nathan and Elliot on a mission from God to sing its praises, or will the film receive the riotous distaste of a country bar forced to host R&B music? Start up the beater and crank the volume as we endeavor to learn!
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Obsession, it’s what I feel for videos of tortoises eating lettuce and the name of a 2026 horror movie directed by Curry Barker that Magellans at the Movies are reviewing today.
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Malls . . . uh . . . hmmm, that's a tricky one. Malls are no longer the lively, vibrant organisms they once were, after all. The few remaining malls that haven't been torn down shuffle around on rotting legs in a desperate search for sustenance, you might even say the shopping mall has become something like a . . . zombie? That's right, dear listeners, today we are returning to the undead apocalypse by tackling what many would argue represents the absolute zenith of the genre: Dawn of the Dead, a 1978 horror film directed by father of the modern zombie George Romero. Dawn's reputation is that of a bigger, better version of its legendary predecessor, but will Nathan and Elliot shop til they drop in the delights of this carnivorous classic, or will they condemn the movie to hell, regardless of the "no vacancy" sign on the gate? Lock and load and guard your fleshy bits, let's get into it!
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SIMON! GARFUNKEL! SHUT UP ALREADY! Sorry about that, folks, I’m trying to write the description for today’s new episode, but the incessant crooning of everyone’s ninth favorite musical duo haunts my every waking moment and turns my life into a living hell ever since I watched The Graduate, a 1967 romantic comedy directed by Mike Nichols. You may not have seen this classic tale of sordid twists and youthful ennui with its, uh, enthusiastic score provided by the men whose voices now infect my brain like a malignant tumor, but you’re almost certainly familiar with its imagery, which has seeped into the very bedrock of popular culture. Will Nathan and Elliot affirm the film’s legendary status with a heartfelt wedding, or will the movie slowly succumb to apathy in the back of a bus to nowhere? Let me seduce you into playing the episode to find out!
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Please stop making me write these descriptions. I’ve never seen a movie in my life. Nathan throws plot descriptions into the pit where he keeps me and just expects me to know how to set up the episode with a few jokes and some basic information. I have a doctorate in applied physics and another in analytical chemistry, I don’t care about movies! If anyone is reading this, please send help. I'm being held in some kind of underground structure, maybe an old coal mine. I can hear cars at all times of the day so it must be near a highway also we’re reviewing Dust Bunny it came out in 2025 and was directed by Bryan Fuller oh no Nathan’s coming back someone please hel
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Hello there! How about pigeons, am I right? What’s that? You don’t understand? How unfortunate, you see, that joke is a guaranteed knee-slapper in the standup clubs of Albania, but it seems the witticism’s humor has been lost in translation. Oh my, I see you’ve begun to feel deeply isolated and alienated thanks to the difficulty of culture shock. Perhaps you’ll feel seen by the subject of today’s brand new episode of Magellans at the Movies: Lost in Translation! This 2003 romance/comedy directed by Sofia Coppola is all about the struggle of feeling stranded in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people, and, according to its reception at least, it portrays it with some skill. Yes, LIT is well regarded by people who use words like “ambiguity,” “subversive,” and "hierarchical arrangement” (actual extracts from real reviews), but will our hosts and the film hit the bar to enjoy their unexpected connection, or will they languish in the loneliness of separate Japanese hotel rooms? For a relaxing podcast, make it a Magellans at the Movies podcast and let’s find out together!
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Space. The final frontier, and the setting for innumerable science fiction books, movies, TV shows, and video games. Space being such a vast and, as far as we know, blank canvas makes it the perfect medium upon which to project stories about ourselves and our place in the universe, a fact of which many properties have taken full advantage, but perhaps none more memorably than Star Trek. Despite the Federation’s first appearance predating the end of the Cold War by decades, this legendary sci-fi franchise is not unknown to Magellans at the Movies. We actually dove into Star Trek a few episodes ago, putting our two cents towards that oldest and most heated of nerd debates: Kirk or Picard? If you listened to that episode, you’ll know that Star Trek novice Nathan ultimately voted Kirk, having gone into it without much experience of Jean-Luc Picard, a bias Elliot wishes to resolve here and now! That’s right, Trekkies, in today’s slightly unusual podcast, we’ll be tacking a coda onto our Enterprise captain contest by seeing if Nathan can be brought to the Picard side through three (count ‘em!) handpicked episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation. The tense political thrills of The Defector, the creative linguistic puzzle of Darmok, the reflective character study of The Tapestry; will any of them be enough to sway our skeptical host, or will Picard strike out once again? Let’s find out! Engage! Contact us/Requests/Questions: MagellansMovies@gmail.com
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Welcome to Gotham City. A gloomy den of exotic criminality where the rain is frequent, the people fearful, and the architecture alternatingly Gothic, Art Deco, and, uh, Chicago. Gotham isn't on its own in the fight against evil and inconsistent changing art directors, though; she rests under the protection of the Caped Crusader himself, Batman! The Dark Knight is one of the most recognizable and beloved characters in fiction, and this big broody bat has transcended the pages of comics to reach just about every medium you can think of over the years. There's bat-games, bat-novels, bat-toys, bat-trading cards, bat-operas probably, and of course, bat-movies. For those feeling overwhelmed and in need of a bat-guide, may I suggest today's special episode of Magellans at the Movies? That's right boys and girls, today Nathan and Elliot will review, reevaluate, and generally reflect on the many iterations of the World's Greatest Detective, or at least all those they have watched, played, and read across their long careers as batfans. So, join us and let's get nuts, serious, and everything in between in pursuit of sometimes brutal, sometimes bonkers, always bat shaped justice!
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The devil. According to various religious and folkloric traditions this dastardly fellow is in the details, better if you know him, and a beast on the fiddle. What, some bold theologians dare to ask, of his wardrobe? The popular imagination may propose a red suit, but what if he - or she - were to dress in a rather more high class fashion? That’s right, faithful listeners, today Magellans at the Movies will be reviewing The Devil Wears Prada, a 2006 comedy directed by David Frankel and based on the book of the same name by Lauren Weisberger. This fashion forward flick possibly taking pot shots at Anna Wintour launched to strong reviews and an even stronger box office return, enough so that it earned itself a belated sequel. Can it earn the far more uncommon, jealously prized reward of a kind word from Nathan and Elliot Magalhães? Upgrade your wardrobe and brave the soul-sucking world of fashion snobbery as we strut down the runway to find out!
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Drugs. When just saying no to them somehow fails, their introduction into your life is likely to bring problems as numerous as they are unpleasant. For those of you unwilling to take the word of Nancy Reagan and Mr. T, a demonstration of the full breadth of addiction’s woes may be what’s needed to keep your seat on the wagon. Thankfully, there are plenty of movies to choose from, one of the most prominent being Requiem for a Dream, a 2000 drama directed by Darren Aronofsky and based on the book of the same name by Hubert Selby Jr. This deeply unpleasant portrait of four lives crumbling is well known and well liked for its powerful performances and manic cinematography, but are its filthy, sweaty charms enough to dazzle Magellans at the Movies? Give the fridge a wide berth and guard your arms and join us as we find out on today’s new episode!
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Today we will review a 2024 James Mangold directed movie called, A Complete Unknown, and honestly? Same. However, you may feel better about your anonymity when you learn that the cost of celebrity is being a two-timing, contrarian, standoffish jerk who looks (and acts) like Anakin Skywalker in Attack of the Clones. Perhaps I’m being harsh. Many people enjoyed this movie charting the ascent of folk-music hero Bob Dylan, enough that it nabbed itself more than a few award nominations. Will it enjoy a similar reception from Magellans at the Movies, or is the film just blowin in the wind? Gather round listeners wherever you roam and listen to the Mr. Movie Men tell you all about it!
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Law. It’s one of humanity’s oldest, most important systems, boasting manifestations as numerous as they are complex. From the Code of Justinian to those weird, uniform series of books you see on lawyers’ shelves, everyone can agree that the law is important but not popularly understood. In many ways, an impenetrable, interlocking structure of codes, dictates, exceptions, statutes, and other words I’m probably not using right is a little weird when you think about it, a little chaotic, a little alienating, dare I say a little . . . kafkaesque? That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, Magellans at the Movies is once again going full pretentious literary snob, this time by taking on The Trial, a 1962 Orson Welles directed adaptation of Franz Kafka’s novel of the same name. While hardly a smash on release, time has been kind to this anxious story of one man adrift in a surreal, nightmarish bureaucracy. Will it receive a favorable verdict from Nathan and Elliot, or will they sentence it to that most feared of penalties: a bad review by two random dudes with a podcast? Gavel in the proceedings and let’s find out!
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Math and baseball, who knew they went together like burgers and fries? Probably all those guys with arsenals of complex spreadsheets who end up being the only ones who actually win big in sports betting, but for the rest of us dumb rubes I imagine it came as a surprise. Fortunately, you’re not alone, and if you wish to see how widespread your ignorance truly was, just watch the crow-chowing skeptics of Moneyball, a 2011 sports drama directed by Bennett Miller and based on the book of the same name by Michael Lewis. This statistics-heavy record of the Oakland A’s legendary 2002 season married America’s alleged favorite pastime with nobody’s favorite school subject to general acclaim, awards, and adoring audiences. But will it be a home run when subjected to the clinical cinematic calculus of Magellans at the Movies, or will it strike out in disgrace? Boot up Microsoft Excel and grab your glove, let’s play ball! Contact us/Requests/Questions: MagellansMovies@gmail.com
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William Shakespeare and his vocabulary of thous, thees, and doths has been the delight of literature nerds and the scourge of high school students since before ChatGPT had even sanctioned its first user delusion. Shakespeare is one of the best selling authors in human history (though he’s had a lot of time to build up that lead, to be fair), the most performed playwright in theater, and has been firmly atop the canon of English literature for centuries. Big Bill Shakespeare isn’t just winning on the stage, however, he’s also been adapted for the screen, many times in fact. Over the years dozens of directors have taken dozens more angles on translating Shakespeare, perhaps none to more acclaim than the 1989 Kenneth Branagh directed rendition of Henry V, based on the play of the same name. This gritty, muddy vision of Harfleur and Agincourt, as well as all the royal politicking in between, released to rave reviews in its time, but can it withstand the discerning, monocled gazes of theater regulars and literary connoisseurs Nathan and Elliot Magalhães? You few, you happy, very, very few have the opportunity to find out here and now on Magellans at the Movies! Once more unto the breach, dear audience!
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The tragic sinking of the RMS Titanic was an event that saw the telling of many stories. Stories of heroism and valor as well as cowardice and ugliness. Unfortunately, none of those stories included a pair of young hotties who could be played by bankable heartthrob stars enjoying a passionate but doomed love affair, so the good people of tinsel town had to step in for the movie version. Titanic, the 1997 historical romance directed by James Cameron, may be more fiction than fact, but that didn’t stop it from achieving legendary success. This fable of the water-borne Babel raked in cash by the millions and awards by the dozens, and is rarely far from the top on lists of most popular Best Picture winners. Will Nathan and Elliot be third class heroes, sharing in the love of millions of fans, or will they be first class upstarts sneering down their noses at one of the most beloved movies of the 1990s? Grab your tickets and become kings and/or queens of the world with us as we set sail to find out!
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As the people in my basement will tell you, in hostage situations as in parties, your host is often the difference between a legendary, all night rager and a brief, unpleasant excursion sure to end in tragedy. Remember: as the one with the gun, you are responsible for the comfort, health, and restraints of your guests, and it takes a sharp, compassionate mind to juggle these responsibilities. Without these factors in mind, things can go south fast, as evidenced by the quirky kidnapping at the heart of Bugonia, a 2025 comedy thriller directed by Yorgos Lanthimos and based on Save the Green Planet! By Jang Jonn-Hwan. Bugonia combines Yorgos’ usual idiosyncratic stylings with a somewhat more accessible narrative than his past outings, which may explain the movie’s success. As of writing, Bugonia has been nominated for multiple Oscars, and enjoys warm feelings from critics and audiences alike. But what is the temperature of those other idiosyncratic men with strange surnames: Nathan and Elliot Magalhães of Magellans at the Movies? To answer that and many other questions no one is asking, join us on today’s new episode as Lanthimos superfan Nathan and Lanthimos skeptic Elliot explore the Goofy Ghastly Greek’s latest fever dream. Brush up on your Andromedan and shave your head, let’s hit the basement!
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How many times has it been said? In order to navigate life, you simply must keep a good head on your shoulders. To be fair, this advice makes perfect sense: without a head on your shoulders, you’re sure to both look very silly, make very poor decisions, and be very dead. Or at least that is the lesson of Hereditary, a 2018 horror movie directed by Ari Aster and featuring a cult for whom people walking around with their heads attached is the very height of indecency. This decapitation-obsessed chiller made a big splash on release, terrifying audiences and guaranteeing Aster’s career for years to come, but now that the hype has had almost a decade(!) to cool down, what is there to be made of Hereditary? To find the answer to that and many other pointless questions, join us on today’s brand new episode of Magellans at the Movies! Grab your epi-pen and avoid the cake just to be safe, let’s do it to it!
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Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, nerds of all ages, welcome to Magellans at the Movies Film Fight Night! We have an electrifying match for you this evening: a contest that has been raging across fandom for decades, a question that has divided geeks into two factions of noble warriors doing battle on message boards in the name of their preferred champion, a smackdown between two of the most famous, most celebrated, most prolific characters in all of science fiction, that's right Trekkies, for one night only Magellans at the Movies will be an arena in which Captains Kirk and Picard will go head-to-head in a contest for the title of Ultimate Enterprise Captain World Champion! In this corner we have the gallant and committed leader of men, seducer of women, merciful sparer of Gorns, and triumphant winner of a thousand poorly choreographed brawls across the stars, let's hear it for James T. Kirk! And his challenger, the Bald Burly Brit (who's actually supposed to be French), the man who became a Borg and lived to tell the tale, the man who defended and befriended an android, the man for whom surrender is a four letter word, give it up for Jean Luc Picard! Each captain will be represented by their standout film, for Kirk the gratifying, satisfying, Spock-killing, man-thrilling, space dictator spilling classic The Wrath of Khan! Don't pop the champagne yet, though, Kirk fans, because first he'll have to best Picard as he embarks on a time-travelling cyborg-slaughterfest chiller, thriller, all warp and no filler First Contact! Ladies and gentlemen, affix your universal translator, set your phasers to fun, and beam up with Nathan and Elliot as they travel at warp nine where millions have gone before on a journey of excitement, laughter, and tears through the very heights of the Star Trek franchise on film and plant their flags for either Shatner or Stewart! Energize!
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Books! Books are great. They’re transportive and informative; they make you look real smart if you “accidentally” leave them out where they’re sure to be seen before guests arrive (“good heavens, I’ve left my copy of 2666 in the original Spanish in the freezer, oh silly me!”). Of course, refrigerating classic literature you’ve definitely never read is on the brighter side of the utility of books; they can also be used for sinister purposes. Indeed, the conflict over whether to use books for good or ill is at the heart of today’s episode of Magellans at the Movies where we’ll be reviewing The Book of Eli, a 2010 post-apocalyptic western directed by the Hughes brothers. This sepia-toned popcorn flick isn’t talked about much these days, having received mixed reviews and mediocre cash, but is its obscurity warranted, or is this a diamond in the rough of early-2000s generic action slop? Hold close to the Good Book and grab your sunglasses as we delve into the wasteland to find out!
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Is season five of Stranger Things good? Well, stranger things have happened! Now that you’re done keeling over with hysterical laughter at that hilarious joke, please join Magellans at the Movies as they review the inexplicably long series finale of Netflix’s golden goose.
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What an utterly terrible year 2025 has been. People are angry, depressed, and hopelessly ensnared in economic woes, and Europe is doing an alarmingly accurate throwback cosplay of the continent’s 1913 political situation. For all desiring an escape from the bleak headlines and bleaker forecasts, however, there were still movies in this the two thousand and twenty fifth year of our Lord, some of them quite good. There were sleeper hits like Sinners and very much wakeful flops like Thunderbolts, Snow White, Mickey 17, Captain America, and . . . just so many more. Still, we all know (I hope) that money hardly equates with quality, and there were plenty of excellent smaller films that came out this year, some of which may be on the Magellans at the Movies 2025 year in review! Join us today as we talk about the best, the worst, and the most anticipated movies we’ve seen and heard about in 2025, not to mention a cheeky book or video game recommendation here and there. Grab some hot chocolate and go heavy on the marshmallows as Nathan and Elliot look back on the year that was and forward at the year to come in our brand new episode!
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Stand by me. If that's something I ever say to you, be aware that I have likely been replaced by an alien clone. Of course, I’m the odd one here. Proximity, and the intimacy implied therein are highly valued among many people, especially watchers of Stand By Me, the 1986 coming of age classic directed by Rob Reiner and based on The Body by Stephen King. This sweet, simple movie about friendship and boyhood along a morbid quest has been a favorite with critics and audiences since release, but what will become of all the walking, talking, and gawking when submitted for approval by the heckling grouches of Magellans at the Movies? Do you want to see a podcast? You can’t, but you can listen to one on today’s brand new episode!
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Ah, to be alive in the 1900s, 1910s, 1920s, 1930s, 1940s, and 1950s. When the global power of communism reached its absolute zenith, just about everyone in the world had to team up to forcibly administer Germany two successive chill pills, and the war to end all wars failed its stated purpose. Lots of important stuff happened during the first half of the twentieth century, but here at Magellans at the Movies, we don't talk about important stuff, we talk about movies. Cinema was a very young art form during this time, and some of the most influential movies were made by some of the most influential people as the filmic medium matured. With so many movies across such a long span of time, though, how could anyone know where to start? Perhaps, dear reader, with the official Magellans at the Movies list of the top ten movies of 1900-1959! That's right, folks, we're wrapping up our decade ranking endeavor with a mammoth episode dedicated to consolidating some of the greatest, most iconic movies in the history of cinema down to a list of ten greats. We will bury you in classic movies, so spread the word over there, here, and everywhere that the episode is about to begin!
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There’s nothing quite like a night at the theater. Taking in Shakespeare from within a few hundred to a few dozen feet of the actual, living actors is just a different experience to seeing them from behind the editing and pausability of a film. Haven’t you ever wondered, though, what happens behind the curtain? In high school, it was mostly fart jokes and giggling about who was kissing who in the play, but in the more mature world of professional theater, it’s mostly snappy dialogue and fuming about who is kissing who outside the play. And, I assume, fart jokes. There’s no light being made of flatulence in All About Eve, the 1950 drama directed by Joseph Mankiewicz, but there is a very beloved movie. In fact, this fable of age and ambition is often considered to be among the best movies of all time. Will Nathan and Elliot arrive at a similar conclusion, or will they once again find themselves at odds with the establishment? Buckle your seatbelts and prepare for a bumpy podcast and let’s find out!
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RAAAAWR!!! Oh, apologies, I didn’t mean to terrify you with my mighty roar. You see, I was just pretending to be a dinosaur. What silly, brutish creatures they were. How unintelligent, how undeveloped, how incompatible with polite society is the crude dinosaur. Wait, what’s that? Dinosaurs weren’t low beasts, but in fact loved, dreamed, feared, and laughed? Of course! You’re right, how could I have forgotten the sentient dinos of The Land Before Time, a 1988 animated adventure directed by Don Bluth? As any good paleontologist will tell you, this film of legendary scientific accuracy depicts dinosaurs as the lovable and energetic entities they truly were, and although the critics weren’t overly impressed, audiences certainly were. For generations, The Land Before Time and its shockingly expansive media franchise have been a mainstay for young movie watchers, including the hosts of Magellans at the Movies. Join us, then, as Nathan and Elliot go to the prehistoric era, when they were but wee lads and wore their grandparents’ VHS of Land Before Time down to an inert plastic brick. Guard your tree star and watch out for earthshakes, let us embark!
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Travel. Doesn’t the very concept just send a shiver down your spine? Sure, it’s nice to be at the Brickworks Museum in beautiful Southampton, England, but getting there is a nightmare of lines, layovers, fares, and odors. Honestly it’s enough to put one off of learning about bricks at the premier institute for global brick study in the first place, but is it enough to put you off getting home for a nice Thanksgiving meal? Certainly not for the heroes of Planes, Trains and Automobiles, a 1987 holiday themed comedy about two mismatched travelers struggling to travel across the midwest. This rare Thanksgiving movie is well liked by critics and audiences alike, and frequently enjoys warm retrospectives. Are its itinerant charms enough to earn the gratitude of Nathan and Elliot? Grab your tickets and pack your bags as we find out on today’s brand new episode of Magellans at the Movies!
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You low down dirty rotten scoundrel, I’ll kill you for replacing my cornflakes with a colony of cockroaches! How many times have you heard those words? It’s only natural that when someone is wronged, they desire restitution, sometimes in the form of violent revenge. The next time you play a hilarious prank on someone and they come gunning for you, however, you may wish to show them a film to educate them on the dangers of vengeance. You’ll have quite a lot to choose from, but may we recommend Blue Ruin, a 2013 crime drama directed by Jeremy Saulnier? You probably haven’t heard of this indie flick concerning dead parents, terrible haircuts, and an overwhelming thirst for bloody recriminations, but it earned itself plenty of praise for its unique, minimalistic take on the old “revenge = bad” story. Still not convinced? Then let your old friends from Magellans at the Movies tell you all about it on today’s brand new episode! And if you don’t give the episode five stars, there will be consequences . . .
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Wait! Did you hear that? It was the sound of demonic mischief made as the witching hour unfolds. It was the sound of infernal whispers in the darkness. It was the sound of someone, or something . . . putting mayonnaise in my yogurt?!? Aw come on, that’s just childish! This series of ghostly pranks tells me that I am at the mercy of a very particular breed of hell-sent spirit, a monstrous devil who hates open doors, loves standing, and is extremely camera shy, that’s right, folks, I’ve landed myself on the bad side of the demon from Paranormal Activity! For those not in the know, this rascally wraith first appeared in the Orin Peli-directed found footage movie that released in 2007 and changed the horror game for years to come. This ultra-low budget indie film about a couple recording their supernatural torment scared the bejeezus out of audiences on release, made mountains of cash, and spawned a series that’s . . . wait, seven movies long? Good heavens, with a franchise long-tail like that, the first movie must be something worth talking about, right? I certainly hope so because that’s what we’ll be doing on today’s brand new episode of Magellans at the Movies! Turn on your cameras and don’t stop recording; let’s find out what lurks in the small hours of the night . . .
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“Hey, Steve, how’s work going on that calendar?”
“Oh, hey, Barry. It's going all right, but aren’t you worried this is a little vague?”
“Whatever do you mean, Steve?”
“Well, what if we haven’t been clear enough about the meaning of the Long Count calendar, and in the future people misunderstand our dating system as prophesying the end of the world?”
“Oh, Steve, don't be silly. You’d have to be into some pretty weird New Age beliefs to think that.”
“I suppose you’re right, Barry. Say, isn’t it weird how we ancient Mayans have modern English names?”
“What’s an English?” Ha ha ha, aren’t they funny, ladies and gents? Anyway, today we’ll be reviewing 2012, a 2009 apocalyptic disaster film directed by Roland Emmerich. Enjoy!
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Wizards have a long history, not just in movies, but in fiction generally. Whether they’re running a class action lawsuit just waiting to happen in the form of a deathtrap boarding school, going on road trips to return some seriously defective jewelry, or burning things at random to punctuate each sentence, audiences everywhere delight in sorcerers of screen, page, and stage. Fictional wizards (as opposed to real wizards, of course) could also come in the form of a de facto monarch lording over an enclave of green structures erected in his own selfish image, exchanging favors for the assassination of his geopolitical enemies with random strangers. I’m talking, of course, about the titular magic man of The Wizard of Oz, a 1939 family musical directed by Victor Fleming and based on The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum. The Wizard of Oz is beloved, that’s plain to see from its frequent top honors on best-of movie lists, and has dazzled millions of children the world over, but can it withstand the modern cynicism of two men brought up in the torrid fires of the 21st century? Load your squirt gun and wave Kansas goodbye as we join cynics Nathan and Elliot on Magellans at the Movies to find out! Contact us/Requests/Questions: MagellansMovies@gmail.com
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Stand back, coppers, I've got a brainwashed child and I'm not afraid to use it! How many times have you heard that phrase barked from the mouths of bank robbers and rum runners? In the past few months, I know there's not a day that goes by in Kansas City without the sight of gangs aiming military-grade elementary schoolers at each other in tense standoffs. This sudden arsenal of adolescents is, in my opinion, attributable mainly to people misunderstanding the point of Weapons, a 2025 horror movie directed by Zach Cregger. After all, this spine-tingling story of the kids being very much not all right proved to be a surprise summer hit, earning all involved heaps of cash and reams of glowing reviews, but all that celebrating was, of course, premature, since Magellans at the Movies hadn't had their say yet. Today that changes, and the final word on rising horror darling Cregger's latest chiller will be handed down. Will this seal Weapons' ascent into genre divinity, or will the film be sent running into the dark like a kid trying to bodily recreate the outline of that one Star Wars ship? Hide your hair and grab your bell, let's find out!
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You sleep through your alarm on the day of your big presentation, you leave your wallet at home the one day you decide to push the speed limit, your dad’s human illegal exotic pet empire gets dismantled and the proceeds reclaimed at the very moment you need money for bond, the bomb you intended for the alarm clock company as vengeance for their substandard products explodes in your hand leaving you with quite a bit of egg, and your own arm, on your face; my friends, it truly is one battle after another. Thankfully, while you wait for your richly deserved sentence to be handed down, you can still take your mind off of your troubles at the movies, though for those of us who are feeling like if it’s not one thing, it’s a daggone ‘nother, Paul Thomas Anderson’s latest flick, One Battle After Another, kinda sorta loosely based-ish on Vineland by Thomas Pynchon, might not be distracting so much as magnifying. That’s because this 2025 political/satirical thriller is all about the relentless onslaught of being a former revolutionary trying to raise a daughter in an authoritarian near-future America, and while it may not be relaxing, it is certainly acclaimed. Frankly, that word doesn’t fully explain just how euphorically this film has been received by critics, but the Guardians, New Yorkers, and Chicago Sun-Timeses are easy pickings, earning a kind word from Magellans at the Movies? Now that’s a feat worth putting on the DVD case. Will this kooky caper be able to pull off such a coup? Grab your AK and don your bonnet rouge and let’s find out!
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Moving on can be hard for many reasons, but for those of us leaving behind disinterested parents, monthslong torture, and the deaths of most everyone we care about, consigning most of our lives to memory lane is more than welcome. I, for example, yearn to relocate to a remote village in the Alps and thereby escape the many obligations I've accumulated to the wealthy investors in my "dog to human translation" company, but that's a silly example. For a more serious case, look no further than Jesse Pinkman's mission to get the heck out of Dodge/Albuquerque as seen in El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie, a 2019 crime drama directed by Vince Gilligan. This brief coda to the central narrative of Breaking Bad, released midway through Better Call Saul's run, was hardly the object of scorn, but never quite got the same stratospheric acclaim as its parent shows, and is more than likely in third place on most fans' Breaking Bad universe rankings. Where will it land on the lists of Breaking Bad fans Nathan and Elliot Magellan? Yo, start the episode to find out, b****.
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A star is born. Not because a mommy star and a daddy star loved each other very much, or even because a clump of matter and gas collapsed under its own gravity (I think), but because a person has a talent for singing which they perform for a wide listening audience. What transpires across the lifespan of our newborn star has historically varied, but common themes include substance abuse, fraught relationships, and, if they're very lucky, Oscars. I'm talking, of course, about the 2018 musical romance A Star is Born, directed by Bradley Cooper. This melodic melodrama was favored by critics and audiences alike, who swooned for its hot stars and earworm-packed soundtrack, but Magellans at the Movies are made of sterner stuff. Will they be won over by all the kissing and the crooning, or will their review be a song of only sour notes? Maybe it's time to find out!
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Oh no! There’s been a glitch in the matrix, forcing the Wachowskis to reload their save! Thankfully they’ve backed up their data and can proceed with the first of two planned sequels wrapping up the original Matrix trilogy. The Matrix Reloaded, like so many sequels, tries to follow up a groundbreaking first installment by embodying a single word: more. More elaborate kung fu fisticuffs, more Agent Smiths, more convoluted philosophizing, more whisper-talk, and of course, much more latex. The result is a dense, action-packed, confusing, and slightly kinky middle act that, while hardly an object of derision, is generally agreed to suffer from the shadow of its older brother. It is also a movie that Nathan has never seen, despite enjoying the classic first Matrix. Will he find more favor in this good-but-not-great sophomore outing, or will he reject the code and find freedom, and entertainment, elsewhere? Jack in to find out!
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Ah, to be alive in the 60s. When reds hid under beds for reasons unknown, protestors in the street inquired as to the precise uses of war, and men arrived on the moon, decided it was a bit nothing, and moved back to Earth. Yes, the period of time between January 1st, 1960 and December 31st, 1969 sure was a barrel of laughs, some of which could be enjoyed at the movies for the low low price of some shoelaces, probably. Indeed, they made a whole heap of movies during the 60s, which makes it hard for the man or woman on the go to discern which ones are the best of the bunch. Luckily, that’s why we have podcasts like Magellans at the Movies, which will today be compiling their official list of the best films released in the 1960s! Ich bin ein film lover and so are you, so let’s get down to business of the episode!
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Pitiless cruelty. Vicious misanthropy. Terror in every eye, rumor in every mouth, escape on every mind. No, I’m not talking about my extremely hardcore bookclub, I’m talking about high school! No one likes high school, that’s why making jokes about its abundant unpleasantness is so creative and funny, but the fact that high school is an almost universally shared experience makes it prime fodder for movies. One of the most enduring examples of this curious genre is undoubtedly Mean Girls, a 2008 teen comedy directed by Mark Waters. This sarcasm-heavy female-centric kneeslapper aimed to speak into the lives or pasts of every girl who’s had to suffer the rat race of popularity, and boy did it find an army of attentive ears. Mean Girls was and remains hugely popular among critics and audiences, and today Magellans at the Movies will be offering their two cents on the film to rather fewer, rather less attentive ears. Brush up on your calculus and DON’T WEAR A XXXL MEN’S HUMOROUS EAT MY SHORTS BART SIMPSON COMMEMORATIVE T-SHIRT BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT I’M WEARING AND I’VE BEEN PLANNING MY OUTFIT SINCE LAST WEEK AND YOU ALWAYS GET TO CHOOSE WHAT YOU WEAR SO WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ONE WHO HAS TO CHANGE THEIR PLAN AND WHAT MAKES YOU SO SPECIAL?!?!?!?!?!
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I don't know about you, but the best part of my day is always coming home. Now, sure, the state of my residence is not always pristine, the neighbor plays dreadful anime music at a deafening volume, and the pallets of weapons grade LSD are prime for toe-stubbing, but whatever the condition of your castle, I think for many of us it's often a relief to get back to it after a long journey. If, however, your journey included things like war, suffering, and a cyclops or two, then your homecoming may be slightly more fraught. That, at least, is the central conceit of The Return, a 2024 drama directed by Uberto Pasolini and based on The Odyssey by Homer. The Return is a far quieter, more stripped back adaptation of literature's defining epic than you may be used to, which, coupled with a lukewarm advertising campaign and decent but unenthusiastic reviews, goes some way towards explaining the faint (and already fading) impact it made on release. Is its obscurity warranted, or is there more to this curious, theatrical adaptation than its diminutive presence in the zeitgeist suggests? To find out, embark on your own odyssey across the airwaves with the aid of the pods on today's new episode of Magellans at the Movies!
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I'm going to write this whole description without referencing the "inconceivable" joke, you watch. What on Earth are you talking about, I hear you ask, embarrassingly revealing yourself to be under the age of forty. Why, my young, Tik-Toking friend, I'm talking about every dad's favorite movie The Princess Bride, of course! This 1987 fantasy/adventure/comedy/romance mashup based on The Princess Bride: S. Morgenstern's Classic Tale of True Love and High Adventure, the "Good Parts" Version by William Goldman may not have set the world on fire on release, but it's since become a beloved pop culture mainstay and common subject of "they don't make 'em like this anymore" grunts by the worldwide elderly population. But can this icon of film withstand the cynical eye of youth projected from the faces of Magellans at the Movies? The answer awaits you in today's new episode!
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All right, gotta write a new jokey, sarcastic description for the podcast. Let’s see what’s on the schedule. Prisoners, eh? Sounds like you’ll be doing hard time with that movie, hyuck hyuck hyuck. Anyways, released in 2013, directed by Denis Villeneuve, about a kidnapping, huh, that’s a tricky one. Family man driven to utter depravity by the loss of his daughter . . . ouch, um . . . I guess there’s a joke in there about overbearing dads losing it at little league games? Men and women making terrible choices out of sheer desperation . . . uh . . . sounds like your typical Friday night at the improv club, right folks? Extensive sequences depicting the torture of a mentally handicapped man . . . graphic onscreen suicide . . . traumatized parents losing their senses of self . . . oh dear . . . maybe you’d better just start the episode. I think I need to go for a walk.
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Faster than a speeding bullet! Stronger than a locomotive! Able to leap buildings in a single bound! Struggling with depression and guilt over thousands of lives lost in the crossfire! Duh-duh-daaaa, it's Superman! Behold the last son of Krypton as he . . . just plows through a building full of innocent people and sends the entire thing crashing to the ground in an apocalyptic display of death and destruction, dang. Cheer as the guardian of Metropolis . . . kinda stares moodily into the middle distance as if he were an office worker who just remembered they left their packed lunch at home . . . huh. Be amazed by, uh, unsubtle Christ metaphors that mean, um, something probably . . . Erm, anyways, that's right, folks! With the Man of Steel currently enjoying his third theatrical reboot of the past twenty years, Magellans at the Movies thought that now was the opportune moment to return to, well, Man of Steel! This 2013 comic book film was directed by Zack Snyder and boy can you tell. Whatever else is true of the man, old Zack Attack has a habit of making properties his own, and nowhere is this more true (or more divisive) than what was meant to be the launchpad for a DC cinematic universe to rival Marvel's. This darker, more somber take on the big blue boy scout made plenty of scratch in its day, and in the years since release has accumulated its fair share of defenders as well as detractors. Which category will Nathan and Elliot fall into? Join the fight for truth, justice, and the obliteration of the American cityscape by listening in to find out! Contact us/Requests/Questions: MagellansMovies@gmail.com
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Action! Adventure! Red lines gliding across maps! These are the three essential hallmarks of an Indiana Jones flick, yet if there’s one thing the franchise has taught us, it’s that everyone’s favorite Bond alternative is more than the sum of his parts, or at least that just tossing the aforementioned ingredients into a mixing bowl and stirring vigorously won’t always yield cinematic magic. That was the lesson learned by Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, the 1984 Spielberg-directed sequel to Raiders of the Lost Ark that was (until 2008) widely held to be the low point of the adventuring archeologist. While hardly trashed upon release, Temple of Doom still failed to achieve the critical adulation of its predecessor, largely thanks to its darker tone and, uh, let’s say inauthentic depiction of Indian cuisine. What, however, does this movie look like in a post Crystal Skull (and Dial of Destiny) world? Has time, distance, and a few rough sequels boosted its prospects, or does it remain among the black sheep? Crack your whips and guard your hearts, let’s find out!
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This is all Nathan’s fault.
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Where would we be without scientists? Why, without those brave men and women in labcoats, we’d still be in the center of the solar system, treating low spirits with leeches, and knocking back shots of radium to improve the sheen of our hair or whatever. Clearly, then, your worst high school subject has done plenty of good for humankind, but what about when science goes too far? What about when chemistry is put to (gasp) evil ends? That’s how you end up disinterring and chopping up corpses to mix and match parts for a new body like you were replacing your Captain America action figure’s arm with one from an old power ranger toy. I’m talking, of course, about Mary Shelly’s 1818 novel Frankenstein and its countless film adaptations, one of the most beloved being The Curse of Frankenstein, a 1957 horror movie directed by Terrence Fisher. Frankenstein, The Curse of was well reviewed at the time, and has continued to receive favorable retrospectives thanks to its adept performances, dark Gothic tone, and (for the time) shocking violence, but will the Magellans at the Movies review it with similar warmth? It’s alive! It’s a-live podcast, so get listening! (This podcast is not actually live, it was prerecorded in a Midwestern American basement)
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Ah, to be alive in the 70s. The age that saw the countercultural movement reach the height of its powers, the first bombardment of Star Wars’ conquest of human culture, and a series of shiny new leaders with shiny new ideas rise to the top in the east and west. Yes, the 70s was a tumultuous time, but if Vietnam had you down or Brezhnev was on your back, at least you could always unwind with a cigarette and a film, and there was no shortage of films (or cigarettes, for that matter), to choose from. As the politics and society of humankind continued to evolve, so too did movies, leaving the modern film buff with a frankly overwhelming catalogue in which to search for gems. If that volume seems insurmountable, let Magellans at the Movies do the work for you with their latest expedition into the history of film, this time focusing on the best of the 70s! I am not a crook, I’m just an unpaid intern telling you to stop reading and start the episode!
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Dads. I sure wish I had one. I’ve heard that they can be good for quite a lot, such as mowing the lawn, bringing home bacon, and ensuring televisions don’t go to waste. Of course, not everyone has the kind of relationship with their father that any of the above uses can make up for the strain their old man puts on their lives. Take, for example, the troubled father-son dynamic at the heart of Big Fish, a 2003 Tim Burton directed dramedy based on the book by Daniel Wallace. William Bloom struggles to relate to Edward, his father, thanks to the senior Bloom’s penchant for telling fantastical, almost certainly exaggerated stories about his life, stories that just so happen to be the perfect vignettes for a Burton movie. Big Fish reviewed and sold well, and now, thanks to a listener request, has been submitted for evaluation by the keen eyes of Magellans at the Movies. Pick some daffodils and chamber a silver bullet in your revolver, let’s get started!
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When aliens show up in movies, it’s usually either en masse, as part of a hostile invasion force, or, if they’re alone, as essentially a lost puppy that can teach some young child an important and heartwarming lesson. Not so for the Yautja, a solo hunter who’s as much like a puppy as a shark is like a goldfish. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’re probably more familiar with the Yautja’s more common sobriquet: predators! That’s right, today Magellans at the Movies is reviewing the 1987 science fiction horror action classic Predator directed by John McTiernan. Predator is a big, burly legend of 80s action movies thanks to a novel plot, an awesome antagonist, and all of your dad’s favorite one-liners. Will it be able to impress non-dads Nathan and Elliot Magalhães? Go! Get to the episode and find out!
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Gadgets: improbable. Villain’s plans: impractical. Mission: impossible. For the past two decades the Mission: Impossible franchise has been a frequent installment in the summer movie schedule, bringing action, humor, and increasingly ambitious stunts to the screen and delighting audiences worldwide. As the stakes got higher and the odds of Tom Cruise dying in bed got lower, the popularity of the franchise only accelerated, culminating in the series finale(?) of the Final Reckoning, released just a few weeks ago. Now that the brave men and women of the IMF are retiring, or at least on sabbatical, the equally brave team at Magellans at the Movies were prompted by an audience member to take a step back and evaluate Mission Impossible on a series level. Having chosen to accept this mission, you now have thirty seconds to start the episode or else the world will explode or something, good luck!
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Marriage. You can tell it’s a critical foundation of Western Civilization because of all the endearing names we use to refer to our spouses: the ball and chain, the old trouble and strife, and babe. I hate the word “babe”. Everyone knows that marriage can be difficult, how much more so when you’re a pair of high level officers in the vast intelligence apparatus of the United Kingdom? That is the question answered by Black Bag, a 2025 spy drama directed by Steven Soderbergh, and if you’re not a spy, uh, I don’t know, maybe watch Scenes from a Marriage. Black Bag got rave reviews, but a disappointing box office result, meaning that its fortunes are in dire need of a lift thanks to the immediate surge in notoriety that attends a review by Magellans at the Movies. Dress your snappiest and maybe find a way to surreptitiously move the steak knife out of your partner’s reach if you’ve been misbehaving, let’s get going!
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Who among us has never heard of a man or woman who wanted to be in the movies? Movie stardom is a siren call for dreamers and doofuses the world over, for who wouldn’t want to live the dream of bitter divorces, loss of privacy, and opening a door fifty times to get the perfect shot for a pretentious director? Perhaps that’s why Buster Keaton double dipped in his 1924 comedy Sherlock Jr., home of one of the most memorable screen-jumping moments in cinematic history. Like so much of Keaton’s early filmography, Sherlock Jr. is considered a timeless classic, but it has yet to be considered by the discerning minds of Magellans at the Movies, so dust off your magnifying glass and keep a weather eye on your pocket watch as we review this silent cinematic standard.
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When people are killed, when children go missing, when affairs are had, the detectives of the world step in and smoke, deduce, analyze, smoke, gather clues, smoke, fight, smoke, and light up a cigarette in search of justice. What happens, however, when the detective swaps out a fondness for recreational cancer in favor of fine cuisine and even finer facial hair? Why, then you’d have the mighty moustached sleuth Hercule Poirot, ace investigator and star of numerous movies such as Murder on the Orient Express, a 2017 who-dun-it directed by Kenneth Branagh and based on the 1934 book by Agatha Christie. Murder was received with positive, if somewhat tepid reviews and a heaping helping of cash that spawned two more Christie adaptations by the same team, but those are mysteries for another day. For now, we have the Case of the Squabbling Siblings, and who is the perpetrator of this most ghastly crime against innocent ears? It’s Nathan and Elliot of Magellans at the Movies, of course! So, grab your nightly stache protector and your favorite Dickens and join us as we attempt to deduce the flaws and strengths of this steam engine enigma.
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How much do you really know about your next door neighbor? I know that Greg might seem like an affable old man who putters around the garden and gives out carrot sticks on Halloween, but haven’t you ever considered that he might be a shape shifting alien with sinister designs not just on you, but the world entire? Enough about my contentious relationship with my local HOA, however, let’s talk movies, specifically The Thing, a 2011 science fiction horror movie directed by Matthis van Heijningen. This prequel to John Carpenter’s 1982 classic of the same name tells the tale of the ill-fated Norwegian outpost that was the first to fall to a malevolent alien parasite capable of assimilating and imitating all life, and it did so to less than stellar reviews. The Thing (2011) may have been a box office bomb and critical failure on release, but is it enough to satisfy first time watchers and original The Thing fans Nathan and Elliot of Magellans at the Movies? Keep your eye on Greg and listen on to find out!
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It’s-a-me, Mario! How many times have you heard those words, be they in the innumerable games that feature Nintendo’s most famous cash cow, or in the shrill falsetto of you and your stupid friends as you play Smash Bros.? Like Star Wars, Mario as a franchise and as a character has transcended the boundaries of medium, language, and culture to become a fixture of global civilization. Practically the figurehead of video games themselves, you would be hard pressed to find someone who didn’t recognize his loud red hat; white gloves; and immaculate blue overalls. From such a marketable brand the cynical minds of Hollywood could not have long remained apart, even after the disastrous adaptation of 93, which is why they had another go at it in 2023 with The Super Mario Bros. Movie, an animated kids’ comedy directed by Aaron Horvath and Michael Jelenic. Despite a lukewarm reception from critics, this candy-colored bit of cinematic fluff hoovered up cash by the hundreds of millions, breaking records and ensuring that the franchise will be with us until the heat death of the universe. The inevitable sequels and spin offs is a concern of the morrow, however, while we remain in the day, and sufficient for the evil thereof is this fungal adventure of plumbers and princesses. Will it receive a joyful “wah-hoo!” from the Magallens at the Movies, or is it doomed to a despairing “oh-a-noooo!”? Press play to find out!
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Music is nice, isn’t it? It’s one of the oldest art forms in human history, it crosses cultural boundaries, and it contains more sub-genres and niche interests than there are cruddy “soulslikes” on Steam. As with all other forms of artistic expression, plenty can go wrong when you’re making music, especially if you’re so good at it a group of vampires rock up to your joint looking to recruit you into their band. Such is the burden borne by the heroes of Sinners, a 2025 horror movie directed by Ryan Coogler. For audiences and critics alike, Sinners has been a great big lungfull of fresh air, an original movie with a strong premise and a great cast, so it was inevitable that the originality-loving, great-cast-appreciating Magellans at the Movies would make it the subject of their latest analysis. Will Nathan and Elliot be able to hate the sin but love Sinners? Lock your doors and grab your garlic, let’s find out!
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Cartoons. It may be hard to believe, but before they were a stable full of dead horses being optimistically flogged by the Fox network, cartoons were once the masters of a vast entertainment empire linking the theater with the ever-important Saturday morning slot. Clearly animation has changed since the rule of Bugs Bunny and/or Mickey Mouse, but, thankfully, the past is beyond recovery, not review. That’s why today Magellans at the Movies will be reviewing Who Framed Roger Rabbit, a 1988 comedic mashup of animation and live action directed by Robert Zemeckis and based (sort of) on Who Censored Roger Rabbit? by Gary Wolf. Roger Rabbit was a big old hit for its nostalgic cartoon sensibilities and its groundbreaking special effects, and has gone on to enjoy a respectable share of nostalgia itself. What say the loony losers of the Midwest’s favorite film podcast? L-l-l-l-listen on to find out, folks!
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Computers. They’re honestly just the bane of my existence. When they’re not perishing to water, the most common element on the planet, they’re malfunctioning for reasons beyond the reach of human cognition, they’re spitting out esoteric verse only those initiated into the elect circle of digital interpreters are capable of translating. It makes me wonder, what’s really happening behind the screen and beneath the keys? What kinds of wondrous worlds are unfolding just beneath our fingertips? That is the question Tron: Legacy, a 2010 sci fi action adventure movie directed by Joseph Kosinski, seeks to answer. Tron: Legacy follows up the cult hit Tron with a sleek, modern update, and you know what that means: sharper effects, slower motion, and the original star making a return, albeit with more wrinkles. Tron: Legacy got poor reviews, underwhelming ticket sales, and a lasting affinity from the young Magellans, in whose household it was a frequent pick for movie night. Has time made their views age like once groundbreaking CGI? The only way to find out is to listen to our brand new episode! End of line, beginning of podcast!
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Ah, to be alive in the 80s. An era of increasing digitization, designer drugs, and flagging dictatorships warming themselves on the dying embers of the Cold War. Like most decades in human history, the 80s had its ups and downs and crises, but unlike most decades in human history, it also had movies! This fateful decade was the age of the big, burly action hero and the soaring fantasy adventure, and the Magellans at the Movies have been hard at work over their unannounced hiatus filling out the gaps in their 80s movie knowledge, the product of which you can enjoy in the form of today’s brand new episode! Continuing their journey through film history, Nathan and Elliot have assembled lists of the films they believe represent the cream of the cinematic crop, and will be paring them down into the official Magellans at the Movies top 10 best films of the 80s for your listening pleasure! Tear down the wall of your inhibitions and just say no to your other responsibilities and get to listening!
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Submarines. They’re like whales, but not as majestic and far more likely to destroy innocent boats, at least this century. Submarines are nice because when you’ve run out of terrestrial and aerial space to put explosives they offer a convenient new arena in which to store devices of unimaginable destruction. I’m referring to nuclear-armed submarines, and it’s not hard to imagine that, in times of crisis, different people crewing these vessels will have different ideas on how to run things. I’m not just talking about the human fallibility that we’re supposed to assume somehow doesn’t apply to those in charge of these weapons, I’m talking about the 1995 submarine thriller Crimson Tide directed by Tony Scott. This successful action movie landed well with critics and audiences, but the crotchety hosts of Magellans at the Movies are not so easy to impress. What will they say about all the underwater action? Turn the launch key and let’s dive, dive, dive in to find out!
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It’s hard to be a teenager. Your body betrays you, society doesn’t trust you, your parents don’t understand you, and in the midst of all of this you’re asked to stake out an identity for yourself that may well last for the rest of your life. This can, of course, go quite wrong, and what may have been a fully functioning, contributing member of society can end up the kind of person who goes to Magic the Gathering tournaments and/or moderates a subreddit. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, however, and sometimes what you need to steady the ship is a nice long detention with your peers. For proof of this, look no further than the success story of The Breakfast Club as seen in the 1985 dramedy film of the same name. The Breakfast Club is a stone-cold classic of teen drama positively shot through with legendary quotes and moments, and today the Magellans at the Movies will be evaluating it all for your benefit(?). You wanna know what I did to get in here? Nathan saved my life and I owe him a life debt, but at least it means I get to hear his lovely podcast every week and so do you!
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Australia, the land of the blue ringed octopus, the funnel web spider, the vicious drop bear, and the accent you're convinced you can nail, but in fact commit a hate crime every time you try it. The land down under can be a dangerous place, which is probably why nine out of ten viewers of Mad Max: Fury Road, a 2015 action film directed by George Miller, can't tell if it's a documentary or not. I'm exaggerating, of course, Australia is a vibrant place with plenty of lovely people, and a thriving film industry to boot, of which you will be immediately convinced upon first viewing of today's movie. Fury Road was popular with audiences and critics, nabbed a few Oscar noms, and has retired to a life of acclaim and frequent high placings on best-of lists. Magellans at the Movies are partial to it as well, which they will now demonstrate on today's brand new episode! What a lovely podcast!
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Vroom, vroom! Neeeeeooooowww, eeeeeeeeeeaaaa, KA-BOOM! Oh, excuse me, I didn’t see you there. I was just playing with my toy cars. It’s childish, I know, and I’ve been looking for a more mature, adult hobby to satisfy my love of speed and loud noises. I know what can help me: racing real cars! Faster speeds, louder noises, tackier sponsorships! I’m being harsh, of course, there’s more to racing than base level sensory pleasures and obnoxious McDonald’s stickers, and if you don’t believe me, just look at Ford V. Ferrari, a 2019 racing movie directed by James Mangold and based on the true story of Carol Shelby and Ken Miles. Ford V. Ferrari was an Oscar nominated film and a smash hit with middle aged dads everywhere to boot, but does its appeal extend beyond that demographic? Today we’ll be finding out by presenting it to Nathan and Elliot Magalhães, who are only middle aged dads in spirit, on the latest episode of their own smash hit product: Magellans at the Movies! Their names are Nathan and Elliot; they review movies.
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Consider the bicycle. Two wheels in a thin, metal frame, an uncomfortable seat, and a rusting bell to you, but to children, there once was a time when it represented freedom limited only by your lung capacity, and sometimes not even that could put a stop to a young boy or girl’s afternoon rides. Bikes aren’t just good for reminding you how much you’ve grown (in every direction, for some of us), they’re practically infused with nostalgia for those of us who grew up putting rubber to asphalt (or gravel, as the case was with the Magellans), and I know that if I had lost my bike as a youngster, I would have braved convicts, ghosts, and yes, even people who are super into French stuff, to recover it. Thankfully, I never had to endure those nightmares, but there was one 80s hero of kids’ entertainment and future weirdo who did: Pee-Wee Herman as seen in Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure, a 1985 family comedy directed by Tim Burton. Pee-Wee’s reputation is, uh, let’s say tarnished these days, but Tim Burton’s certainly is hanging in there, which is why Nathan and Elliot decided to go right back to the beginning to evaluate his first outing. What’s the episode like, you ask? Well it sounds . . . like this!
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Hollywood has had a starring role in many of the productions it nursed to life. Be it the romantic ideal featured in The Fabelmans, the more wistfully realistic stylings of La La Land, or the caustic satire of Hail, Caesar!, tinsel town has come in for its fair share of knocks as well as odes over the years, but few quite like the 2001 film Mulholland Drive, a baffling slice of the bizarre by the sultan of surrealism and favorite director of insufferable hipsters everywhere David Lynch. Mulholland Drive has a reputation for being hard to parse out, but that hasn’t stopped it from accumulating ever more acclaim in the decades since its release, and with tributes to the cinema of the late Lynch pouring in, Nathan and Elliot thought it would be the perfect time to cynically exploit Lynch’s notoriety with a review. Are you dreaming? Are you dead? Doesn’t matter, in the land of the living or the domain of the dead you can always count on Magellans at the Movies!
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If I may be the seventeenth person on the internet today to tell you: the MCU is on the ropes right now. Box office returns, critical scores, and audience affections are all trending south and something tells me burly CGI Han Solo isn’t going to turn things around. So what’s a concerned moviegoer to do? Attempt to find something else to watch by exploring deeper into the past and present cinematic catalogue and supporting new ideas? Heck no! The answer, of course, is to write mean YouTube comments and just kind of, wait for things to change. If, while you’re doing so, you should feel nostalgic for the glory days of Marvel films, you may wish to return to where it all began with Iron Man, a 2008 comic book movie directed by Jon Faverau. Before the MCU could paper over its lesser entries with the promise of new tidbits about upcoming events, Iron Man had to muscle into the public consciousness by dint of its own merits, which it did with aplomb. Iron Man was a smash hit with critics and audiences alike and stuffed enough money in enough pockets to draw the lidless, flaming eye of Disney, but that’s a story for another day. For now, it’s enough to rewatch Iron Man alongside your favorite podcast: Magellans at the Movies! Suit up and lock in, let’s go!
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Oil. Whether it’s powering war machines, spilling into the oceans, or drowning you in a dream, black gold doesn’t exactly have the best public image. But how can that be, I hear you ask, when oil is extracted by such upstanding gentlemen? Why, not two weeks ago I was told by a charming magnate and titan of industry that oil brings wealth to everyone around it, and that our community was sure to benefit from his new drilling project! Ah, my dear, innocent reader, it sounds to me as if you’ve been taken in by the charismatic but deceptive oil baron Daniel Plainview as seen in There Will Be Blood, a 2007 period character study directed by Paul Thomas Anderson. There Will Be Blood made a big, oily splash when it released, enjoying critical acclaim, numerous awards nominations, and a respectable chunk of change as a reward for its dramatic study of greed and misanthropy, and if you find yourself being dazzled by the performative folksiness of men like him, it may be just the wake up call you need to protect the integrity of your neighborhood. Guard your milkshakes and get to church, it’s time to start the episode!
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Who knows what lurks out in the near infinite darkness of space? Giant glowing babies? People with funny eyebrows and no emotions? A large, angry, purple dude with a love of handwear? These are just some of the options proposed by the long, rich history of science fiction films, some more pessimistic than others, but few more likely to put the brakes on a young child’s dreams of becoming an astronaut than the terror of Alien, a 1979 science fiction horror movie directed by Ridley Scott. Alien memorably incorporates an industrialism-fused vision of the future alongside the uncanny stylings of Swiss artist, and the worst possible choice to teach a sex-ed class, H.R. Giger to the delight of audiences for decades since its release. What say the Magellans at the Movies to this horror classic? That, my dear reader, is the subject of today’s episode. In space no one can hear you stream, so you can listen to Magellans at the Movies without fear of derision from your colleagues, what a deal!
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Ah, to be alive in the 90s. A time when you could bathe in the glory of early Simpsons episodes, salute the progress being made in equality and democracy across the globe, and violate the structural integrity of your hair and still be accepted in polite society. To be honest, the 90s wasn’t too shabby of a decade for the human race, especially when it comes to movies. For those of us born into the chaos and uncertainty of the twenty-first century, it may be difficult to parse through all the films released in the last decade of the twentieth, but that’s why we have podcasts like Magellans at the Movies! That’s right, folks, continuing in their stroll backwards through the many years of film history, Nathan and Elliot will today be hashing out the official Magellans at the Movies top ten films of the nineties. How much overlap will there be in their lists? Does Jurassic Park stand a chance? What will the final product look like? The answers to all these questions and more await you in our brand-new episode! Let’s listen in! Contact us/Requests/Questions: MagellansMovies@gmail.com
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2024 hasn’t been a red letter year for the human race. War, polarization, and despair are all on the rise, and 2025 isn’t exactly set up for success. Fortunately, entertainment continues to be the number one doctor recommended band aid for your all consuming existential dread, and the past year has been generous with the quantity, if not necessarily the quality, of distraction. 2024 saw the rise of Glen Powell and Sydney Sweeney into stardom, the passing of a few Hollywood legends like James Earl Jones and Donald Sutherland, the explosion of AI, and the comic book movie remains in a cruel, agonizing state of artificially prolonged life as studios continue to invest and lose money in the dying genre in hopes of reviving its glory days. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by all the news and choices, however, let the Magellans at the Movies sort it out for you into a few convenient lists of the best and worst of 2024! Happy new year and let’s get it started with a bang!
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As 2024 breathes its last, wintry breaths and minds turn towards all the resolutions that need prompt breaking, let us take a moment to draw near to loved ones, be they romantic or platonic, and reflect on the rock upon which the Hallmark church has been built. What is it to love? What virtue is there in affection? What does it demand of us? Think on these questions and deepen your understanding of what the Greeks referred to as agápē, érōs, philía, philautía, storgē, and xenía. If that all sounds too hard, however, just pop Love Actually in and call it a day. While less enlightening than an in-depth philosophical journey, the watching of Richard Curtis’ 2003 holiday rom-com is by far the more popular option, and it’s not hard to see why. Love Actually hails from a different era of film, when cinema was more sincere and postmodernist irony was only just beginning to rise from its infernal cradle. High art it is not, but it’s the kind of undemanding, sugary treat that greets life optimistically and with a corny joke or two- aaaaand Elliot’s out. I jest, of course, no one yet knows what the moviegoing Magellans think of this movie, but that’s all about to change on today’s new episode! If you want to use the podcast as cover while you declare your love to your best friend’s wife, we won’t judge you (much), but make sure you rewind to the start and listen to the whole thing after you’ve finished betraying your buddy’s trust. Contact us/Requests/Questions: MagellansMovies@gmail.com
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Everyone knows that zombies aren’t what they used to be. If anything, a decaying, shambolic corpse is probably the perfect metaphor for the genre as it exists right now: decrepit, feeble, and limping slowly towards nowhere in particular. There was a time, however, when zombie fiction was almost as popular as movie westerns were in their day, and that time, of course, was the early 2000s, inarguably the worst period of culture since the 1510s (your poetry sucks, Henry VIII). That’s not necessarily to say that zombie media was a reason for that decade’s irritating obsession with film grain and infuriating hatred for colors that are not gray, but it may go some way towards explaining why, as aesthetic tastes shifted, certain genres like comic book films or crime fiction survived the jump while zombies did not. Zombie stories, after all, are pretty gray, grainy affairs that aren’t built for much tonal variation, with the notable exception of Shaun of the Dead, a horror-comedy zombie flick directed by Edgar Wright. Shaun of the Dead is remembered fondly by many viewers for its humorous take on the walking dead, but how fondly will Nathan and Elliot look on it? That, my friend, is the question we set out to answer today on our brand new episode. Grab a pint, throw on your headphones, and wait for this whole thing to blow over with the soothing tones of your favorite hosts. Contact us/Requests/Questions: MagellansMovies@gmail.com
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Power, oh man don’t you wish you just had some? Power, in whatever form be it political, cultural, or laser eyes, gives you access to neat stuff like respect, authority, and cheat codes to the legal system. Even in lower stakes arenas like the professional music scene power can unlock lots of doors for you, many of them leading to places of murky ethics. I’m not just talking about forcing your orchestra to play the alphabet song for laughs, though, I’m referring to far more serious misdeeds like forming inappropriate relationships and handing out favors to your allies. That, at least, is how the eponymous conductor of Tár, Todd Field’s 2022 psychological drama, chooses to wield her influence. Tár is one of those movies that got rave reviews from critics, a strong response from audiences, and decent results at the box office before winning an award or two and settling in for the long descent into obscurity. Before the film is forgotten, however, it will be brought before the Magellans at the Movies for its final analysis. Don’t feel the need to enter into a questionable relationship with us if you want to be a part of it, though, just press the play button and then afterwards maybe we can have lunch and talk about your future here? Just think it over, there’s a lot of benefits to being in our good graces, you know. Contact us/Requests/Questions: MagellansMovies@gmail.com
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Everyone needs friends to get through life, that’s why I’m so miserable all the time. Friends lift us up when we’re low and congratulate us when we’re high (or give us a ride home). Fickle friends, best friends, old friends, new friends, the varieties of companions are endless, but what happens when one of those friends decides to dissolve their partnership and go their separate ways to the great confusion and dismay of the other party? Why, then you would have most of the plot of The Banshees of Inisherin, a 2022 darkly comedic drama directed by Martin McDonagh. Banshees was a critical darling and serious Oscar contender in its day, but we all know the Academy Awards are small potatoes these days, the real prestige comes from earning a strong review from Magellans at the Movies. Has this bleak tale of lonely hearts and petty strife earned itself just such acclaim? Well just shush-like and start the episode to find out! Contact us/Requests/Questions: MagellansMovies@gmail.com
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If you like dysentery, the old west is for you. If you like filth, the old west is for you. If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to live utterly at the mercy of the elements and corrupt lawmen while you work your tenant field of sorghum for two cents a day that you can spend on bathtub whiskey at the local saloon, then your only option is to somehow travel back in time to live in the old west. Or move to Texas. For the rest of us, however, we’re generally content to see all that unpleasantness from afar on the silver screen, which is why they make so many movies about the American frontier, but none quite like Bone Tomahawk, a 2015 western/horror directed by S. Craig Zahler. This gritty genre blend wasn’t much commercially, but garnered plenty of praise critically, which meant that it was only a matter of time before western fan Elliot watched and subsequently forced his brother to do the same. Now that both brothers have taken it in, what do they think? The only way to find out is by starting the episode, so before you amputate your gangrenous leg, maybe take the edge off with an exciting new installment of Magellans at the Movies!
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There truly is nothing like crime to bring a family together. Why are criminal organizations organized by families? Why do family businesses that get big also commit massive fraud? The answer is obvious: taking stuff that doesn’t belong to you is just the spit shine that your fraying familial ties are in need of. After all, it’s by embezzling listener donations that Elliot and Nathan fund their wild weekends in Vegas, and thereby foster the close sibling bond that makes this program what it is. Don’t just take my word for it, though, take it from the true intellectuals of modern society: movie directors! Specifically, director Hirokazu Koreeda’s 2018 family drama Shoplifters. This is one of those movies that people effusively praise at parties in lieu of developing a personality, and which of our favorite hosts will be effusively praising the film, I wonder? Only one way to find out, so grab that pomegranate and make a beeline for the exit so you can listen to the episode in the comfort of your own home rather than the cold austerity of a jail cell.
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As the month of wraiths draws to a close and we all look forward to the far calmer, gentler event of the American election day, stay just a little bit longer in the spooky season with Magellans at the Movies. And what better way to commemorate the holiday of Halloween than reviewing the 1978 John Carpenter directed slasher film for which it was named? This is the movie that popularized the masked, reticent killer stalking teenagers and offing them one by one, so if that structure appeals to you, you’ve almost certainly seen it before. Even those of us who find less favor in the dramatized suffering of our fellow man are likely to have enjoyed Halloween, or at least its influence, once or twice in our lives, so before the world gets cheerful with the anticipation of Christmas, get fearful with the dread of what may be lurking in the shadows in your room . . . Everyone’s entitled to one good podcast, no matter the time of year, so let’s get started with ours!
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To be a spy is to live in the terrible knowledge that some day, somehow, someone is going to get a bizarre and destructive notion in their head to blow up the sun so that their coal stocks increase in worth or something. Thankfully, the brave men and women of the world’s intelligence agencies train every day for just such occasions, but have you ever wondered how it all gets started? Have you ever wanted to see the making of a classically British gentleman spy? Your answers to those questions may go some way towards predicting how you will respond to Kingsman: The Secret Service, a 2014 spy action movie directed by Matthew Vaughn. Kingsman is, indeed, the story of a young man’s forming into a Bond-esque super spy so he can stop a dastardly plot only slightly less ridiculous than destroying the sun. Kingsman was popular enough to spawn a franchise that is with us to this day, so clearly most people will answer in the affirmative to the aforementioned questions, but what say the hosts of Magellans at the Movies? That’s what we’re here to find out, so slip on your suit and lace up those Oxfords for another suave episode!
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Ah, to be alive in the 2000s. A time when you could enjoy . . . uh . . . roller blading? Look, I won’t lie to you: humanity has had better decades. The 2000s saw the unspeakable tragedy of 9/11, followed by the forever wars in the Middle East that made Vietnam look like a brief spat between friendly neighbors. Still, they continued to make movies during this period of uncertainty and unrest, and at least ten of them were quite good. “Which ten?” I hear you ask. Well that, my dear reader, is the subject of today’s episode of Magellans at the Movies. That’s right, folks, we’re going back to Lord of the Rings, Nolan’s Batman, and much much more as we sift through the entertainment rough in search of a few diamonds. Won’t you come along and join us? No? Drat. Well if you change your mind, you know where to find us!
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Jokes, we all love ‘em! They make us laugh, they make us think, on certain days they can be exchanged for candy, but as every self important comedian will tell you if you're trapped in a conversation with them, jokes can be a vehicle for scathing social criticism in deft hands. In, uh, slightly less deft hands, however, sometimes the best you can hope for is comedy that boils down to an unironic iteration of “We live in a society.” Now despite having the word joke in the title, Todd Philips’ 2019 comic book drama Joker isn't supposed to be funny, but it does boil down to an unironic iteration of "we live in a society". Joker absolutely raked in cash on release, but popularity has always been a poor indicator of quality, as is demonstrated on today's episode of the neither popular nor quality program Magellans at the Movies. Whether your life is a tragedy, a comedy, or an indie, come one come all and start the episode!
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Today the Magellans cover the 90s classic that houses one of the greatest twists in movie history: The Sixth Sense. Listen in to hear our thoughts!!
Avatar was made in 2009 by perennially smug not-eur James Cameron and we’re reviewing it. Yay.
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Family. Probably best known for sponsoring the Fast and the Furious movies, family is an important part of many global cultures, so it’s no surprise that it’s an important part of many movies. From the Sawyers to the Parrs, movies are constantly centering groups of people related by blood and bound to each other by love to the delight of audiences everywhere. Of course, family isn’t always chainsaws and superpowers, sometimes it can be a touchy subject for people. That’s why we have movies like The Royal Tenenbaums, a 2001 comedy drama directed by Wes Anderson. The titular Tenenbaums are a dysfunctional collection of big personalities that worked their way into the hearts of critics and moviegoers alike when the film was released and are often considered to represent Anderson’s finest work. What, however, of the moviegoing Magellans? What say they to this quirky, sometimes dark portrait of a family on the brink? That, my dear reader, is the subject of today’s new episode of Magellans at the Movies! Throw on a tracksuit and let’s hit the ground running!
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There’s a reason so many of our most reviled and infamous villains are clowns. The Joker, that one Final Fantasy antagonist, Krusty the Klown, and many other dastardly jesters that plot world mass murder, world domination, or subpar jokes have terrified audiences for years thanks to the simple fact that a man in chalk white makeup embellished by garish reds and greens and a hideous grin is far more likely to give you nightmares than make you laugh. This enduring truth of Villain Design 101 is probably why we have Pennywise, a shapeshifting alien thing that most often takes the form of a demented circus clown. Of course, Pennywise got his/her(read the book)/its start in a novel by Stephen King, but eventually wound up on the screen first in a miniseries and then in 2017’s It, a horror movie directed by Andres Muschietti and based on the book of the same name. It was a smash hit on release, raking in cash by the hundreds of millions of dollars and earning big fat gold stars left and right from critics. Mainstream critics, however, are easy marks, not so for those roguish outsiders over at Magellans at the Movies who, in today’s new episode, turn their discerning gazes to this modern horror classic. Let’s all float into the episode!
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Teenagers. Normally, they're the last demographic you'd want to arm with deadly weapons and a thorough knowledge of martial arts, what with their unstable hormones and abysmal decision making. Now hold on a minute, Boomer, I hear you say. What if the teenagers in question weren't just young folks from the ages of thirteen to nineteen, but a group of mutant turtles age thirteen to nineteen? Why my dear hypothetical reader, in that case I would purchase their weapons myself because then we would have the titular heroes of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, a 1990 action comedy directed by Steve Barron. This film may not be a beloved classic with general audiences, but it is a mainstay of the Magellans’ childhood, but were they always imbued with the invincible critical eye for talent we all know them to possess today? There's only one way to find out: listen to today's brand-new episode! Cowabunga!
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How come we don’t hear that much about serial killers these days? I like to think it’s because the global spirit of human brotherhood has just grown too powerful for even the most depraved of violent urges to be fulfilled. Either that or the advancement of forensic technology coupled with a host of societal and cultural factors has made serial murder both less appealing and the prospect of success less viable. Whatever the cause, serial killers have become increasingly rare, but there was a time when sequence murder was a genuine national terror, which explains the prevalence of movies like Manhunter, a 1986 detective film directed by Michael Mann and based on the book Red Dragon by Thomas Harris. Although it’s outshined by its more successful younger sibling, Manhunter is actually the first film appearance of sophisticated cannibal Hannibal Lector, long before Anthony Hopkins made the character a household name. Despite sharing source material, Manhunter and Silence of the Lambs could not be more different. Manhunter is a much moodier, broodier film noir that follows a different protagonist hunting a different serial killer with a bunch of different actors being addressed by familiar proper nouns. Does different mean worse, however? Better? Incomparable? This is the question that will be answered on today’s new episode of Magellans at the Movies! You want the scent of great banter and sharp film analysis? Too bad because that’s not perceivable by smell, but it is perceivable by sound so quit reading and get listening!
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Aliens! They may have already visited our home in the solar system, but if so, then they seem to have mainly come here for tourist reasons and to appear in grainy footage shot by air force pilots and people who don’t have anything better to do than point active cameras at the sky in the middle of the night. Whatever the truth of the various historical and modern UAP sightings may be, the fact is that people have been fascinated by hypothetical encounters between man and E.T. for centuries, from H.G. Wells to Roland Emmerich, to Winston Churchill (true story). Perhaps no story about a hostile cosmos is more famous or more spine chilling, however, than Ridley Scott’s Alien, the audience's introduction to the tube-headed, double-mouthed xenomorph. The xenomorph and its (. . . I guess mother?) the facehugger haven't been well served by their movies of late, a downward trend Fede Alverez hopes to invert with his 2024 horror movie Alien: Romulus. A.R. is cleaning up both at the box office and with reviewers, so it was only a matter of time before it became the subject of another episode of Magellans at the Movies! Get away from that skip button you, uh, nasty person and let it play!
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If war is hell, then I suppose it makes some ironic sense that filming a movie about war would be hellish, too. In case you hadn’t heard, wars are messy, noisy, dangerous things for all involved and recreating them can be tricky as well, especially if you’re a slightly eccentric perfectionist director deep in the jungles of Asia trying to make a movie about one of the most chaotic and unpopular wars in American history. Such was the mission of Francis Ford Coppola in his legendary Vietnam movie Apocalypse Now, released in 1979 and (very loosely) based on the novella Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad. In addition to having one of the most bonkers productions in all of cinema, Apocalypse Now is the standard bearer for Vietnam movies and has enjoyed laudatory praise for most of its existence. Critics, however, are easy to please, the Magellans at the Movies are harder to impress. Can this legendary film hold up to their high standards, then? Let’s find out on today’s new episode! I love the smell of podcasts in the morning!
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Ah the halcyon days of the 2010s. The era when video games began emerging as the cultural powerhouse they have evolved into, the world was recovering from the Great Recovery, and Covid-19 was just a glint in virology’s eye. It was also a time of movies, and lots of them. Good movies, bad movies, and everything in between. Marvel movies got their start, and with their ascent came the great (and short lived) comic book movie war, followed by the meteoric rise of the cinematic universe as an often reached for but seldom reached golden goose of cinematic success. With the close of the decade naturally came a healthy crop of lists purporting to delineate the best films the preceding ten years had produced. And the people were cast down with great fear and suffering, for the lists were pretentious and the movies featured on them were seen by none. Now, however, a pair of champions arise. Two brothers from the American Midwest bring balance to the Force by forging a list of the people, by the people, and for the people, and their name is Magellan. That’s right folks, prepare for your demands to be met by having two nobodies tell you what your demands should be on today’s exciting new special episode of Magellans at the Movies! Countdown from ten and hit the play button!
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Japan has given us many amazing things: body pillows of questionably aged characters, plumbers who seem to do stunningly small amounts of plumbing, and the best method to find out which of your friends sing best when they are drunk. But all those things have nothing to do with cinema, of which Japan's greatest contribution is arguably Akira Kurosawa. This legendary director influenced much of American cinema with his films from the 60s, including one certain franchise about prolonged conflicts between molten-hot interstellar bodies. And today the Magellans are tackling one of his many celebrated films, the 1963 police drama High and Low. This movie has many of Kurosawa's trademarks: Toshiro Mifune, incredible camera work, and a powerful story about Japanese society. No need to look high or low for the Magellans opinions, just hit that play button and find out now!
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It’s hardly revolutionary to say that the superhero genre is on the decline these days. In terms of both review scores and box office returns, movies featuring men and women in brightly colored outfits throwing CGI monsters through CGI cityscapes with the aid of their CGI powers have become little more than fodder for less than favorable memes and a literally endless stream of articles with titles like “Is This the End of the Comic Book Movie?”, “Is This the end of the MCU?”, “Have Superheroes Gone the Way of the Westerns?”, and so on. Who, then, can save us from genre entropy? Who will reach into the sludge of tropes and cliches and bring forth the diamond in the rough needed to prove that the superhero movie yet has life in it? The answer, according to some, is Deadpool, an irreverent, violent, fourth-wall demolishing anti-hero who began his cinematic career with 2016’s Deadpool directed by Tim Miller. While the modern Deadpool might be in the unenviable position of being a hard R rated movie tasked with salvaging a cinematic universe whose main demographic is children and teens, the character’s first outing was a much lower stakes flick primarily marketed at those who are children and teens in spirit only. But does the Merc with a Mouth’s hugely popular film debut hold up? Let’s put forth maximum effort to find out in today’s episode of Magellans at the Movies!
(Production note, the tracks got offset near the end, so Elliot talks over Nathan a bit. He was not being rude or prescient, it is just an unsolvable audio error)
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Ah, snobbery. It’s so often a mask for the discouraged, the downtrodden, the defeated. To puff yourself up over some esoteric details only you and five other people know about is to appear large and confident when we are in fact small and meek. But enough about me, let’s talk about Sideways, a 2004 drama based on the book by Rex Pickett. Sideways centers on that rarest of snobs: wine snobs, but slowly unfolds into a deeply moving character study of a struggling middle-aged writer and wine-thusiast on a road trip with his engaged best friend who is . . . just the worst. Sideways is a lovely, multifaceted film, now comedic, now devastating, that is sure to leave an impact on viewers from all walks of life. So grab a glass and get pouring along with those charming ragamuffins Magellans at the Movies! When’s your podcast getting published, you ask? Right now!
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When you get knocked down, you simply must get back up again. Surely one of the most worn of all the many self-help cliches, basically just keep on keeping on for the less earthy among us. Still, sometimes a classic is just what the doctor ordered, and for a dejected and apathetic Bruce Wayne who’s lost his kind of girlfriend and his kind of work friend to a nihilistic mass murdering clown, doctor’s orders are really the kind of things you want to be following. Thus, the stage is set for the return of Batman in The Dark Knight Rises, a 2012 superhero action thriller directed by Christopher Nolan. The conclusion to the Dark Knight trilogy has a less sterling reputation than its cultural titan of an older brother thanks to some thoroughly litigated plot holes, iffy fight scenes, and all around lighter thematic impact than its predecessor. Nolan, however, is Nolan, so what does it look like when the master makes a slip? Today we’ll be finding out all that and more on an exciting new episode of Magellans at the Movies! Is convincing you to listen to the episode a part of your plan? OF COURSE.
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Most of us don’t know what it’s like to be a super genius. While some synaptically blessed individuals carve their names into the face of history with their achievements in advanced particle physics and beating all of the Dark Souls games without getting hit, the best us dumb losers can hope for is third place at Dusty Steve’s general trivia night. Thankfully, movies allow us to live vicariously through onscreen characters who possess far greater acuity than ourselves. And if you’re feeling particularly slow, consider glimpsing true intellectual greatness in Good Will Hunting, a 1997 drama directed by Gus Van Sant. The Will Hunting designated by that clunky title is a young man of unparalleled smarts and dismal manners. Good Will Hunting was a big ‘ol hit with critics and audiences when it came out, and its popularity has only grown since then. Is that popularity enough to earn a favorable review from Magellans at the Movies? My dear reader, that is a question that you don’t need a PHD to answer. It’s not your fault you haven’t figured it out yet, you just need to start the episode!
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Do you miss your dead wife? Are you worried about your young son finding his own way in the apocalypse? Do you find the drudgery of the daily struggle for survival is just getting you down? Then you, my friend, are in need of a genuine, rejuvenating, individualized Cormac McCarthy road trip! On our world famous route through the blasted remains of North America you’ll be treated to only the most traumatizing of close encounters with filthy cannibals and dine on the finest of radioactive dust! You and your boy will be hunted, threatened, shot at, and quite possibly starve as you take in all the shades of gray and brown currently detectable by the human eye! If by the end of your journey you’re not philosophizing about the appeal of the oblivion promised by sweet sweet death, then your trip is on us! Need more convincing? Just check out The Road, a 2009 post apocalypse movie directed by John Hillcoat and based on the Cormac McCarthy book of the same name. Once you’ve been convinced that an authentic Cormac McCarthy road-trip is the only way to travel through the end of days, come on down to our offices in Houston and reserve you and your son a life changing experience for the low low price of your hope, joy, faith in humanity, and all chances of adequate hygiene today!
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When you’ve just lost a war, the last thing you need is a giant radioactive dinosaur with fire breath taking a self-guided tour of your remaining cities. Unfortunately, such is the plight of the people of Japan who, as we all know from high school history class, have been under siege from kaijus of all shapes and sizes since the end of World War II. The most famous of these immense invaders, of course, being Godzilla, one of the most recognizable monsters of movie history and one whose popularity has transcended national borders. His most successful recent outing, however, sees the Big G going home in more ways than one, as Godzilla Minus One, a 2023 monster movie directed by Takashi Yamazaki, takes everyone’s favorite anti-nuclear metaphor back to his roots in Japan in the immediate aftermath of the second World War. GMO was a surprise hit with audiences and critics alike, and it topped off its successful theater run with an Oscar, but can it nab that distinction even Oscar winners dare not to hope for, a favorable review from Magellans at the Movies? Only one way to find out!
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For as long as there has been television, there has been The Simpsons. Well, that’s an exaggeration, but not by much, since The Simpsons aired a full two years before the Soviet Union was dissolved. This legend of prime-time TV took the world by storm when everyone was first introduced to its titular family of corn-colored stereotypes, and while the painful collapse in its quality since then is a saga of deterioration worthy of Edward Gibbon, for about ten years The Simpsons reigned supreme. By the time of The Simpsons Movie, a 2007 animated comedy directed by David Silverman, the show’s decline and fall was well underway, but was a feature film the cure for flagging ratings ailing The Simpsons proper? Er . . . no, but still, the movie was popular and well regarded enough that it’s often considered a brief reflection of the glory days by fans. This brings us to two relatively new fans: Nathan and Elliot Magalhães, who have both watched the show’s first eleven seasons and then bowed out because whoof. Neither one had any particularly strong memories of the film, so they’ve decided to revisit it and hand down their verdict on todays’ brand spanking new episode of Magellans at the Movies. D’oh-n’t you want to get listening?
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Love. It, ah . . . it’s all warm and fuzzy? Look, we’ve done like four movies about love now, I’m fresh out of ways to say that love is a multi-faceted, complicated aspect of the human experience. Hollywood, however, is emphatically not out of things to say about love, or at least they think there’s still new ground to be broken on the subject. That’s why one hundred and thirty-four years after the first motion picture was made Park Chan-wook decided to make himself a romance in the form of Decision to Leave. To be fair to PCW, his is not a straightforward tale of boy meets girl. Decision purports to introduce elements of mystery, thriller, and crime into its story, and by most accounts it succeeded. And by our account? Well, for that answer my friend you’ll have to listen to today’s episode of Magellans at the Movies wherein Park Chan-wook fan Nathan and Park Chan-wook skeptic Elliot will be taking a look at this critically acclaimed piece of Korean cinema. If you decide to leave without listening to the whole thing, I’ll be shattered, so get it started and don’t touch that dial until we’ve had our say!
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Well, folks, we’ve made it. Magellans at the Movies has hit the big one-oh-oh. Over the course of the last two years we’ve told you about our tastes in directors and TV shows, we’ve established hilarious jokes and classic catchphrases like “Would you listen to it casually?” and “Life is hard and full of disappointments”, but the bulk of our time spent in cyberspace has been dedicated to reviewing a full ninety movies for your listening pleasure. We hope you’ve enjoyed your time with us; maybe you’ve decided to check out a movie you may otherwise have missed, maybe you’ve had a few laughs, or maybe you’ve just successfully killed some time. Whatever your experience, we’re glad to have been some small part of your movie-going life. In honor of the Magellans at the Movies hundredth episode, we’re bringing you a series of questions designed by and posed to the brothers themselves in the hopes of elucidating their thoughts on art, art criticism, and movies specifically. If that sounds like fun to you, then grab some popcorn and please enjoy. Here’s to another hundred!
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Why can’t we all just get along? It’s a question that’s hounded human civilization since the moment a guy eating pizza crust-first, a guy eating pizza from the edge inwards, and a third guy starting at the point of the slice and working his way north all shared a meal with each other and realized that the term “civilization” is subject to audience interpretation. The obvious answer, of course, is that human beings are simply too tribal and their cultural differences too intractable for the global group-hug pacifists and diplomats have been trying to organize since the three great tribes of pizza consuming etiquette were at war. The obvious response to that, of course, being that, for all their bellicosity, there have almost always been those in even the most insular cultures that are ready to extend the hand of friendship across societal divides, suggesting that it may be individual cells of isolationism occupying places of authority that are the true drivers of so much conflict. It’s a tricky question, and one whose answer, in all likelihood, is more complex and multifaceted than any clunky metaphor about how people eat pizza can encompass. Thus, the issue of peace in our time will continue to be puzzled over, even in movies like the Planet of the Apes franchise (phew, we got to the connection eventually). This long-standing pillar of the American cinematic canon enjoyed a tremendously successful reboot in the 2010s, one that frequently contended with intercultural conflict with maturity, intelligence, and thoughtfulness, and now that a few years have passed, they’re ready to have another crack at it in the form of Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes, a 2024 sci-fi action thriller directed by Wes Ball. Nathan and Elliot have been vocal about their skepticism of this rebooted reboot, but strong reviews have convinced them to check their suspicions at the door and give peace a chance. Was their receptiveness rewarded? Only one way to find out! Listeners together strong!
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I have no breezy, jokey description for this one. Stephen Spielberg’s 1993 film Schindler’s List is a devastating film about overwhelming darkness and a single bruised, weary speck of light in the midst of the seemingly endless shadows. Please watch it if you haven’t.
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Ladies and gentlemen, there are moments in life when it comes time to face the music. Old wrongs that must eventually be answered for, debts that must be repaid, orangutans that must be returned to their home rain forests after a brief but disastrous stint as your exotic pet. What I’m saying is that we all make bad choices and eventually the bill for those errors comes due, but we can be thankful that, for most of us, the cost of our various indulgences in vices won’t be the loss of our heads. Not so for those foolish enough to behead the mysterious bark-skinned interloper who crashes our office Christmas parties. Because while you and I are smart enough to give such obviously paranormal entities and their oblique games of returned blows a fairly wide berth, there are those who, through arrogance or excesses of youthful exuberance, just can’t keep a good head on their shoulders. Such is the lot of young Gawain, protagonist of The Green Knight, a 2021 dark fantasy film directed by David Lowery and based on the poem Sir Gawain and the Green Knight by a man whose name has been forever lost. The Green Knight is a ponderous, sometimes surreal, sometimes frightening trek through a warped vision of classic Arthurian legend. It’s not for everyone, but for those who are buying what this movie is selling, it rarely fails to impress. The Green Knight is visually spectacular and thematically dense, and that makes it prime fodder for the less visually appealing but equally dense hosts of Magellans at the Movies. Grab your mail and don your helmet and let’s do this thing!
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Love is a choice. Love is a feeling. Love is an idea. These are just some of the theories on that most vexing of jazz topics and its effect on the men and women who experience it. Questions on love abound, but answers have remained elusive throughout the course of human history, and if you are one such bemused soul then I’m afraid you won’t find what you're looking for in In the Mood for Love, a 2000 romance directed by Wong Kar-wai. In the Mood for Love is famously vague in its narrative and experimental in its visuals, and rare is the fan whose affection for the film stems from its profound yet accessible insights into the nature of connection and romantic passion. In the Mood for Love is, as the title suggests, more interested in constructing a mood than literally anything else, so your mileage with the film may vary greatly. Case in point: the distinctly divided opinions of Nathan and Elliot, who, for today’s episode will be duking it out over this elusive bit of abstract art. In the mood for a podcast? Then hit the play button and let’s get started!
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Say you’ve just woken up in the late 18th century. Lucky for you, you find yourself the rich scion of a notable family, which, in said time period, means you’ve got it made. The only thing you’ll be lacking is something to occupy your time with. The military being too scary, the theater being too derivative, and the video games being too nonexistent, there’s every chance you’ll find yourself quickly becoming a regular at your local opera house. But wait, what’s this? An upstart young musician named Mozart has just arrived in Vienna? Whatever could this mean for court politics, for music, and for culture at large? Well, you’ll know better than the rest of us, because the rest of us have mostly received our answers from Amadeus, a 1984 period piece directed by Milos Forman and featuring a famously loose retelling of history. Since we haven’t been so lucky as to have been transported back in time and books are lame, we’ll have to settle for the film, though to be fair, there are worse trade-offs. Amadeus was a hit at the Oscars and its reputation has only grown since its release, so it was only a matter of time before Magellans at the Movies declared their position on this melodic matinee. One. Two. One, two, three, four and start!
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Pandas. If you’re somehow not aware of them (which, like, how, they’re basically the poster-animal for endangered species), they’re not exactly what you’d call limber. While the great felines of the world regularly perform feats of stunning acrobatics and athleticism, those of the ursine persuasion, especially panda bears, are stuck lumbering around with all the speed and agility of a wheelchair made out of bricks. This is fine for Youtube compilations of pandas failing to exhibit a strong grasp of even basic motor skills, but if you’re an enterprising young film studio aiming to center a martial arts series around ailuropoda melanoleuca then I’m afraid animation is your first, last, and only port of call, and you’ll have to do more than a little bit of anthropomorphizing even then. When that’s done what you’re left with is something called Kung Fu Panda, a 2008 animated film directed by Mark Osborne and John Stevenson and the progenitor of the tragically long-lived Kung Fu Panda franchise. Kung Fu Panda was popular enough on release and memories of our heroic black-and-white bear are typically fond, so when lifelong panda fan Nathan Magalhães’s own memories were stoked upon hearing of a fourth (kill me) installment, he and his brother had to return to where it all began to see if it holds up. So, when you’re done Kung Fu fighting along to that earworm of an end credits song, jump kick that play button and get on with the episode!
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Peace and quiet. The two go together so well they’re often mentioned in concert, as demonstrated by the preceding sentence. Quiet is often conflated with peace and vice versa, however the relationship between the two may not be as close as people are willing to admit. Few would characterize the bone chilling silence immediately following a bombed joke at a comedy club as “peaceful”, and sometimes even the personal reticence of a taciturn man wearing a placid expression can be little more than a mask hiding great sorrow and uncertainty. But that’s a matter for my therapist, for our purposes you just need to understand that silence may be golden, but it can also be spooky. Nowhere is this more clear than in A Quiet Place, a 2018 horror film directed by John Krasinski. This compact burst of originality and unbearable tension made quite the splash when it frightened annoying old people into silence the world over and proved popular enough to spawn a whole slew of silent sequels. Today, though, we’ll be limiting ourselves to the one that started it all, so get ready to assume your best library decorum and be sure to check your rickety old stairs for rogue spikes of metal. Begin!
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The dream of time travel is an old one, with modern storytellers and ancient legend weavers alike casting their imaginations far into the future or deep into the past to see what might be happening or may have happened then. Wouldn’t you like to get burned for being a witch at Salem? Wouldn’t you like to be sacrificed to Huitzilopochtli in the Aztec Empire? Don’t you want to see what fun implements of warfare people come up with a hundred years from now? I sure don’t, but to each their own. I’m being facetious, of course, time travel is supposed to be fun for the whole family! That’s why they made Back to the Future, a famously fun 1985 science fiction adventure movie directed by Rober Zemeckis and “presented” by Stephen Spielberg, whatever that means. Back to the Future is that rare cinematic classic that the Magellans don’t actually have that much experience with, which is why they’ve decided to go back in time to revisit this nostalgia-fueled 80's romp. Where we’re going, we don’t need roads, we just need headphones and patience so crank your sound to 88 decibels and let’s blast off!
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As you settle in with your coffee and gummy worms to enjoy another episode of the smash hit podcast Magellans at the Movies, you’re probably thinking about how charismatic and trustworthy your favorite hosts are. You're probably thinking to yourself, "Gee willy those Magellans are cool, I'd do anything they asked me to!" Ah, my naive, innocent reader; although we're flattered, we must caution you against such sentiments. Hero worship rarely leads to heroism, and putting on blinders to the faults in our leaders is a recipe for disaster. For more on this, just look at Dune: Part Two, a 2024 science fiction epic directed by Denis Villeneuve and based on Frank Herbert's novel. Dune: Part Two is a jaw dropping spectacle of a movie, bolstered by a searing message about the dangers of messianic figures, and today, with the help of the third Magellan brother Ryan, they'll be diving into all the blood, dust, and worms for your listening pleasure. Fear is the mind killer, but our podcast is the mind stimulator so let's get cracking!
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The Oscars represent the culmination of the film year, much like New Year’s celebrations mark the termination of a calendar year. It’s a time to cast our gaze back over the movies that were, the jokes that made us laugh, the spectacles that made us gasp, and the romances that made us swoon. Or at least the jokes, spectacles, and romances as seen in the movies blessed by the opaque selection processes of a mismatched circle of film personalities of dubious qualification and unreliable judgment. The Oscars certainly aren’t what they used to be in terms of the audience and relevance they can lay claim to, but it’s still an interesting commentary on the state of the medium and a semi-decent way to kill five hours of your time. In anticipation of all that, then, Magellans at the Movies have taken a break from movie reviewing to bring you their thoughts on all things Oscars: the nominees, their respective prospects, and a bit about the ceremony itself. If, for some reason, that sounds fun to you, then I award you the M.A.T.M. award for notable achievement in patience and invite you to begin the episode!
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I won’t lie to you, folks, things are looking grim in our world these days. War, polarization, prejudice, and inequality seem to be the order of the day at Cafe de Earth, and just cracking open a newspaper can be a death sentence for that good day you thought you were having. Still, like a well-meaning friend attempting to console his companion after a botched performance of some kind, we can always fall back on that most durable of platitudes: it could be worse. The war could be nuclear, the prejudice could be genocidal, or we could be living in a late-stage capitalist hellscape of mega corporations with the power of governments, ecological disaster the world over, massive overpopulation, and a race of dangerous synthetic humans needing to be brought to heel by an elite force of police assassins. If you have anything more than a passing fondness for the science fiction genre, you’ll probably recognize that as being the plight of the dystopian future as seen in Blade Runner 2049, a 2017 cyber-noir directed by Denis Villeneuve, sequel to the 1982 Blade Runner and based on the world of Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by legendary sci-fi author Phillip K. Dick. Blade Runner 2049’s vision of the future is undoubtedly dark (like, seriously, I think the sun might have gone out in this timeline), but holy mother of Asimov is it a future worth exploring. Blade Runner 2049 improves on its predecessor in every way (yes, I said it), exploring the world more deeply, benefited by stronger technology, and at the side of characters more rich, compelling, and empathetic. The performances are nothing less than exemplary, the special effects are eye-popping, and the tragic humanity at the core of this tale of men and not-quite-men brings to the fore some of the most pressing, elusive questions of the human condition. It is, in short, a masterpiece, and today Magellans at the Movies will bequeath to it that title and many more in our new episode. Do you dream of good podcasts? Then maybe you’ll find one once you’re done listening to ours!
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The connotations of the word "bomb" are often dictated by the context in which it is set. If I were to inform you that a movie bombed, you would likely bow your head in mourning for a noble film cut down by poor box office returns. If I were to tell you that a movie is the bomb, you would probably smile and nod in approval for a film that has achieved some impressive feat of cinematic greatness. If, however, I were to mention a bomb outside of the context of film entirely and instead in a hot, dusty street in Iraq in 2004, you might get a little bit worried. That’s because such circumstances are almost exclusively the domain of those involved in the Iraq war, a conflict infamous for IEDs. Worry not, though, since we have the brave men of explosive ordnance disposal teams to call upon to ensure the harm inflicted by such bombs are as minimal as possible. Should you wish to see such men in action you would be well served by the 2008 war film The Hurt Locker directed by Kathryn Bigelow. The Hurt Locker made a big splash in movies for its gritty atmosphere, intense performances, and immaculate tension, and for netting a woman the Oscar for best director and best picture for the first time, meaning it’s a prime target for the analytical eyes of Magellans at the movies in today’s new episode. No need to boot up the bot for this one, folks, the only explosions to be found in our program are bursts of petty sibling rivalry, how fun!
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If you’re a child of the Brazilian slums in the 1960s, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you, but you’ve been dealt a pretty lousy hand. Growing up you can look forward to such unpleasantness as abject poverty, filth, social immobility, filth, endemic violence, police brutality, filth, and uncleanliness. If, however, you’re of a mind to transcend the lowly status into which you were thrust, your best bet is that great equalizer, that forge of infamy, that last refuge of the desperate and first port of call for the avaricious, I’m talking, of course, about crime. That’s right, kids, if someone has something you want the quickest way to get it is to insert a gun into the face of its soon-to-be previous owner and take it. That, at least, is the route taken by many of those around Rocket, a young lad living in the titular favelas of City of God, a 2002 Brazilian crime drama directed by Ferdinand Meirelles and Katia Lund and based on the book of the same name by Paulo Lins. City of God is famous for its unflinching portrait of indigency and for igniting interest in foreign films in the U.S., but more importantly, it’s Brazil’s second most important contribution to cinema, the first being its favorite sons and reviewers extraordinaire: Nathan and Elliot Magalhães. Nathan and Elliot have never actually been to Brazil, so to ensure their audience receives as authentic an experience as possible they enlisted their father Eduardo Magalhães III and former Brazilian resident to explicate the finer points of the Brazilian culture on-screen. Does triple the Magellans mean triple the fun? It definitely means triple the length so stop reading this and get the episode started already! Vamos!
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Food is what makes the world go round. In a very literal sense it keeps you alive, but it also strengthens economies, buttresses cultures, and, if you have the stomach for it (tee hee), it can be a medium for artistic expression. I make this terrible joke because the world of fine dining can be a demanding one. Facing pressure from critics and customers to continuously push boundaries and innovate in fields that maybe don’t really need innovating, it’s no wonder that the great chefs of the world will sometimes resort to increasingly outlandish stunts to capture audience imaginations or just say screw this and blow up their careers and lives. Interestingly, the antagonist of this week’s episode of Magellans at the Movies: Chef Slowik from the 2022 horror thriller comedy The Menu directed by Mark Mylod, does both. This leads to absurdity and profundity in equal measure, and Nathan and Elliot will be digging into that and more for your listening pleasure. Bon Appetit!
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It doesn’t matter who you are or what you’ve done, each and every one of us humans live lives filled with “what if”s. What if I’d pursued that dream, what if I’d asked that girl to the prom, what if I’d listened to the old man in the Arabian bazaar and thrown that cursed onyx necklace into the sea? Peering down roads not traveled may bring comfort or doubt, and the older you get the more of those avenues you’ll have to peruse. Such is the heart of Past Lives, a 2023 drama directed by Celine Song. Past Lives has earned itself laudatory reviews, a theatrical re-release, and a couple Oscar noms, not bad at all, but can it earn itself a good review from Magellans at the Movies? That is the question today’s episode will be answering as we dive into all the angst and uncertainty of memory lane. Let’s get our en-yun started by enjoying the episode together and maybe we’ll end up married a few thousand years from now, wouldn’t that be something?
The Pope, or, the Big Kahuna, if you’re speaking official church Latin. When it comes to the Catholic Church, the biggest single religious denomination on the planet, the buck stops at the man in the white zucchetto. Traditionally considered God’s chief deputy on Earth, the Pope is basically the king priest of the Catholics, and pontiffs throughout history have wielded immense power in both religious and secular arenas. Recently, however, the church seems to have decided that maybe elevating the Pope to the role of shadow emperor to every Catholic-practicing government on Earth might not be what you call Biblically legitimate, and (ideally) modern prelates have been less concerned with suppressing the French Revolution than with matters of Catholic orthodoxy. Controversy still attends the office, however, especially after the Vatican Leak Scandal, directly following which Pope Benedict the One Millionth shocked the world by resigning, leaving the Vatican to be taken by reform-minded Pope Francis the Six Thousandth. Don’t get too bogged down in the clerical politics, though, this is all just the backdrop for The Two Popes, a 2019 film directed by Fernando Meirelles. TTP imagines what it might be like to be a fly on the wall for a hypothetical meeting between Benny and Frank, two men with very different visions for the direction of the church, before Ben’s resignation. Such a fly may have observed a moving, thought-provoking debate about theology and doctrine grounded by a pair of spiffing performances from two legendary actors, at least if the wall it was on was opposite today’s movie! Grab your sword of the spirit and a Bible then, and peace be with us all in the episode!
Crime doesn’t pay, according to people who have never successfully committed one, but those sanctimonious moralizers have clearly never enjoyed the splendor of a Corleone family wedding. There you will find nice cars, expensive clothes, fine dining, and a vibrant collage of personality disorders, and all bought and paid for by an illicit empire of robbery, extortion, gambling, and murder. Those of us unwilling to kowtow before the Corleone’s imperious patriarch will have to experience such luxury vicariously through the camera aimed at them in Francis Ford Coppola’s 1972 gangster flick to end all gangster flicks The Godfather, based on the book of the same name by Mario Puzo. To say that The Godfather is an influential, well-regarded movie is to call outer space a bit nippy. The Godfather isn’t just a paragon of the medium of filmmaking, it’s a pillar of the cinematic canon, as synonymous with movies as Romeo and Juliet is with the theater. Today, then, let’s return to this certified classic and see what awaits us, conversion or disillusionment? I’m going to make you an offer you can’t refuse: press the play button and you’ll get to listen to the episode!
Ah, to be young and in love. The butterflies, the sense of the future’s great possibilities, the need to traverse a city besieged by a towering monster in order to rescue your heart’s flame from her destroyed apartment building . . . wait, I’m mixing up Hallmark movies with the 2008 found-footage horror monster movie Cloverfield, directed by Matthew Reeves. Oh well, as long as we’re talking about it, we might as well mention that Cloverfield has had an outsized impact since its release. It’s spawned two uh, spinoffs? Sequels? Whatever, there’s more than one movie with the word Cloverfield in the title is the point, and it all started with a low-budget kaiju flick that gave audiences a terrifyingly close look at what the reality of a giant monster on a walking tour of New York City would look like. To christen the new year, then, let us return to this curious genre-bender in the first episode of Magellans at the Movies in 2024! Grab your camcorder and superglue it to your hand because you won’t want to miss a thing!
2023 was quite a year for movies, between strikes and Barbies there was nary a dull moment for those of us in the cinema reaction business. But now we have reached the end of this storied year, and the brothers in charge of Iowa's greatest film review podcast are turning their gaze backwards to bring you their full thoughts on the past 365 days. They will be recounting their favorite and least favorite movies they saw this year, along with their favorites from other art forms such as books and TV shows. So, grab a few friends and listen in to the movies and shows you don't want to leave unwatched before you sing Auld Lang Syne and are once again confused as to the meaning of that weird song.
Life can be difficult for old people, what with their failing health, increasing estrangement from an evolving cultural zeitgeist, and now-obsolete wardrobe of bell bottom pants and lederhosen or whatever people used to wear. It’s no wonder that some of them can be a bit grouchy in the face of all this, and to embody this enduring spirit of prickly cantankerousness, who else can they turn to but their most favored son: Clint Eastwood? In the latter days of his career Clint Eastwood has more and more often cast himself in his movies to play his classic role, that of Clint Eastwood, or at least an irascible, world weary old man living in seclusion from a modern world he doesn’t understand. A prime example of this phenomenon of Clinception can be found in Gran Torino, a 2008 Clint Eastwood directed, Clint Eastwood starring drama. Gran Torino is fondly remembered by a lot of people for its classic character dynamics and pleasant humor, and today Magellans at the Movies will be talking about that and more on a new episode of their smash hit podcast! Get off my lawn and onto your devices so you can start listening!
Space. The final frontier, and the thing you always seem to be short on whenever you’re in the company of a sick kindergartener. You may want to flee from little Johnny’s sudden and insatiable need to hug you, but even if you go to the exact other side of the planet the amount of space between you is but a miniscule, virtually nonexistent fraction of the total spacial area of the universe. To attempt to traverse distances on this cosmic scale is a task so daunting only the most catastrophic of kindergartener hugs could prompt one to undertake it, and in this case the snot-soaked embrace comes in the form of a mass cessation of plant life that spells impending doom for all life on Earth. I’m talking, of course, about the extinction level threat that facilitates Interstellar, a 2014 science fiction drama directed by Christopher Nolan. Interstellar utilizes theoretical physics to form a visually unparalleled spectacle in which a deeply intimate and human drama is staged. This jaw-dropping, mind-bending triumph from the master of jaw-dropping, mind-bending triumphs was criminally underrated on release, and today the Magellans at the Movies will attempt to rectify the not-nearly-breathless enough response in a brand new episode! It’s not impossible, it’s necessary . . . for you to get listening!
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The Holy Grail is basically the Holy Grail of points of comparison for very valuable things that are also extremely hard to find. Indiana Jones found it, of course, but he had to leave it where it was so that doesn’t count, especially since, even before our favorite archeologist cracked his first whip, the grail was the subject of much interest among medieval kings and scholars. One such noted medieval scholar was Monty Python, a guy (or possibly a group of guys, only your dad knows for sure) who was more hijinks-prone than a Loony Tune. His/their most famous hijinks? Those that transpired in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, a 1975 comedy directed by Terry Gilliam and Terry Jones. This farcical series of thinly connected sketches has seeped so far into the culture that it’s probably hit bedrock by now so join Nathan and Elliot as they do some cultural excavation to examine this nostalgic hit of classic comedy for you lily-bottomed nincompoops. Now go listen to the episode or I shall taunt you for a second time!
He’s back, ladies and gentlemen. After a brief foray into a crisp, charming biopic without even a single violent murder, David Your-Pets-Don’t-Love-You-They-Love-Being-Fed Fincher returns to reclaim his throne as the sultan of sadness with all the blood, nihilism, and that distinctly Fincher-y sickly hue of yellow you expect from him in The Killer, a 2023 psychological thriller based on the French graphic novel of the same name written by Alexis Nolent released exclusively to Netflix because that’s a thing movies do now. The Killer has earned plenty of sevens, eights, and occasional nines from the general movie going public, but no one cares because today Nathan and Elliot, both of whom are fluent in Fincher, have returned as well to evaluate Dave’s newest offering. Grab some piano wire and a silencer because we’re going in stealthy to deliver this movie a clean and most definitely unnoticed review!
Cats and footwear. Two things that traditionally don’t mix, what with cats being more temperamental than a spoiled toddler who hasn’t had his nap yet. Because of this inborn insistence on kicking it hobbit-style, when a bold, pioneering cat does rise above his feline brethren to slip his tootsies in some bootsies he is sure to command attention. Maybe, if left in the anthropomorphizing machine for long enough, he can even wear a hat, belt, and cape and become a charming, dashing rogue in the tradition of Zorro and Robin Hood. I’m talking, of course, about Puss in Boots, once a novel side-character of the Shrek franchise who proved popular enough to warrant two movies of his own, the most recent of which being Puss in Boots: The Last Wish a 2022 animated adventure directed by Joel Crawford. P.I.B.T.L.W. won critical and commercial success on release and was even nominated for an Oscar, which means it was only a matter of time before the relevancy-starved Magellans at the Movies turned their discerning critical eyes towards this modern fairy tale and the contents therein. Grab a seat and remember that cats in real life should absolutely never be given milk, let the games begin!
It’s not exactly groundbreaking to say that money can exert a corrupting influence over us. Money isn’t what makes life worth living, but it is what makes the lives most of us live possible. Money is the bridge between us and the vast majority of our material needs and desires, allowing us to have stuff like computers, tomato seeds, and novelty pillowcases with the infamous “Hey, you. You’re finally awake” Skyrim screenshot printed on them. You don’t need to know about my bedroom decor, though, for the purposes of today’s helping of stale humor and cringe-inducing attempts at artistic analysis you just need to know that money compels people to do evil things sometimes, especially if you’re an avaricious man-about-town looking to get rich with the help of his pliable nephew. Such is the motivation for William Hale and Ernest Burkhart of Killers of the Flower Moon, a 2023 historical drama directed by Martin Scorsese and based on the book by David Grann. Flower Moon seems tailor made for Oscar season, what with its prestigious cast, legendary director, and classically old Hollywood trappings, and it certainly has garnered a tailwind of buzz and acclaim in that regard. In their desperate grasps at relevancy, then, the hosts of Magellans at the Movies tuned in to Scorsese’s latest and are prepared to dispense their opinions. Let’s proceed with the proceedings!
Josef Stalin, general secretary of the Soviet Union, thug, and all around murderous megalomaniac, has died. What follows this massively consequential non-tragedy is a mad scramble for power as members of the Politburo amass what support they can for their respective claims to be next in line. Infighting amongst them is inevitable and spills out of the halls of Kremlin in the form of generalized chaos and further deaths that culminate in the installation of another ruthless dictator as new leader of the USSR in a chain of oppression and tyranny that will last for decades further. Setting a comedy in such a grim context may strike you as being in poor taste, but rest assured The Death of Stalin, a 2017 dark comedy directed by Armando Iannucci and based on the graphic novel by Fabien Nury and Thierry Robin, is punching up, WAY up. This under-watched gem lampoons its monstrous subjects with merciless wit, all while grounding its bleakly hilarious barbs and digs in an ever-present, sober awareness that all this bumbling, brutal politicking had a very real and very tragic impact on the lives of Soviet citizens. With that searing fact in mind, then, let’s all enjoy a good laugh at the expense of some of the most despicable men of the last century. Let’s watch!
Love. It’s all you need, it conquers all, it’s patient and kind, it’s generally excellent. Even beyond those qualities is the fact that you never know where you might stumble into it. Romantic connections can happen in raves, school, or even online without ever encountering the object of your affections in real life! Or, if you’re a pair of attractive young people traveling across Europe, it can start in a train and follow you off said train and onto the streets of Vienna at night. I’m referring, of course, to the romance of Before Sunrise, a 1995 romance directed by Richard Linklater. The beginning of the Before trilogy has garnered vociferous praise from critics and fans alike for its simple, achingly romantic depiction of young love, and today the famous romantics Nathan and Elliot Magellan will be evaluating it. Let’s head to the lounge car and get this party started!
We do not want to make any jokes about this movie, please enjoy our episode on Florian Zeller's The Father.
It really is impossible to overstate just how ubiquitous Star Wars is as a franchise. It’s easier to find the Ark of the Covenant than it is to find someone so culturally illiterate, so far removed from the bright center of the galaxy that they’ve never heard of George Lucas’ civilization dominating brainchild. Star Wars means many different things to many different people, and today, for some reason, Magellans at the Movies is revealing what it means to them. And not just the movies, but the video games, and the TV shows too! That’s right, Star Warriors, today Nathan and Elliot will be reviewing THE ENTIRE Star Wars franchise, or at least every bit of it that they have experienced. It’s all Star Wars all the time on today’s episode, so if that doesn’t sound like your cup of tea then we don’t serve your kind here, you’ll have to wait outside. For the rest of us, this is where the fun begins so draw your nostalgia bath and take a dip as we go once more to a galaxy far, far away. Prepare to be impressed, most impressed!
It’s been a long day on the road. You’ve annoyed the locals of whatever tourist trap you’ve been to, you’ve been swindled out of your life savings in exchange for two post cards and commemorative mug, and now you’re looking to cap off a successful day with a good night’s kip. This poses a problem, however, because you forgot to pack your house, and now you need shelter for the cold night. Well, you’re in luck, because thousands of years ago some bright young entrepreneur came up with the idea of the inn, where you can rest your feet in a comfortable room for a small fee. Gradually this business model evolved into modern motels, and, let’s be honest, some of them can be pretty sketchy. But even the grimiest of backroad hostels isn’t (usually) a place you can expect to be murdered. That kind of thing is usually the fare of movies such as Psycho, Alfred Hitchcock’s 1960 book-based thriller/slasher/horror movie that blew the movie world wide-open. Psycho was a truly watershed moment in film history; it shocked audiences with a constant supply of twists and violence that was considered extreme for the time. Even if you’ve never heard of Psycho, you’ve felt the effects it had on movies, and today we’re revisiting this legendary picture on a brand spanking new installment of Magellans at the Movies! After all, we all need a little podcasting sometimes.
Bosses, amirite? American civilization is practically founded on the idea that the 9-5 worker drone one tier above you is a bit of a handful, denying you overtime, forcing you to give up your vacation days, and making that promotion contingent upon you laughing at their lame jokes to a not insignificant degree. All of that’s bad, of course, but at least we can be grateful that supervisor Greg doesn’t take us on an increasingly dangerous tour of Los Angeles’ criminal underbelly while skillfully positioning us for his own dastardly schemes. That, unfortunately, is the lot of Jake Hoyt in the 2001 crime thriller Training Day, and his supervisor Greg is the peerless Denzel Washington in an Oscar-winning turn as a charismatic but manipulative police officer. Training Day is a strong bit of early 2000s drugs-and-thugs drama elevated by some truly stellar acting, and today your Magellans at the Movies will be evaluating it because of reasons. Hide your badge and sharpen your slang because we’re going undercover!
Ah, to be an Irish rogue in the 1700s. It was such a glorious time if your name was Charles, last name The Twelfth or if you were a doctor peddling in leech based medicinal techniques. Fortunately for those of us who are neither we can just watch the goings on of this time via the magical technology of moving pictures, and even more fortunately we can then hear them being discussed by geniuses in the art of film criticism or in this case by underqualified Brazilian-Americans with some time on their hands. This week we're covering the much-lauded period drama Barry Lyndon by the legendary director Stanley Kubrick. It's been hailed as a classic since its release, but now let's discover how these two brothers feel. Listen in to find out!!!
Nature is full of dangerous animals. Bears, alligators, lions, and honey badgers are all vicious, aggressive predators that, if given the chance, will happily kill and eat a human who, despite being firmly atop the food chain, are comparatively fragile and much shorter on pointy bits than your average apex predator. Depending on your galeophobia levels, you may have noticed one animal that I didn’t list just a minute ago: sharks. That’s because sharks aren’t actually that interested in eating humans, and experts generally agree that the few shark attacks that do occur each year do so when a shark mistakes a human for a seal, the idiots. Not so in the world of Jaws, a 1975 creature feature based on the book of the same name and directed by Steven Spielberg that spotlighted a shark of supernatural bloodlust. Inaccurate though it may be, Jaws was a watershed moment in movie history, practically inventing the effects-heavy thrills and chills-focused summer blockbuster. Now that the summer is winding down, the Magellans thought they would enjoy one last taste of the golden months before fall by diving (pun) back into the awesome aquatic action of this quintessential summer flick. We’re gonna need a bigger podcast!
We all know Hollywood legend Orson Welles from his groundbreaking role as Unicron in Transformers: The Movie, but did you know he actually directed and starred in a lesser known film called Citizen Kane in 1941? It’s true! This brave little movie toiling in the shadow of its younger brother may not have bright colors or cars that turn into robots, but that doesn’t mean it has nothing to say for itself. Citizen Kane has a Shakespearean rise and fall, then-innovative cinematography techniques, and a complex character study forming the backbone of its story, which is, you know, fine, if you’re into that kind of thing. Anyways, this is the perfect chance for you to expand your Welles knowledge and give this obscure film a chance, and then be sure to come back and listen to those lovable Magellans blather on about it. Podcast on the march!
One of the most impressive powers of good writing is its ability to convince you to take seriously that which you would find outrageous and laughable in real life. If, on the evening news, you saw someone dressed up like a bat and ran around the city at night beating up muggers, you’d probably have a good chuckle at the expense of the silly man in his silly costume, but watch that same quirky spectacle on the big screen and you may just find yourself enthralled. I’m talking, of course, about the objectively hilarious yet deadly serious legend of Batman, most recently seen on the big screen in 2022’s The Batman directed by Matthew Reeves. The Batman was a much-need shot in the arm for a flailing DCEU, a dark, gritty, slow-burning love letter to everything people love about the modern Caped Crusader. Join your equally beloved Magellans at the Movies, then, as they revisit this acclaimed comic flick to see how well it’s aged over the past year. Na na na na na na na na podcast!
For as long as there has been news there have been those who would spread it. Modern journalism may trace its roots back to the advent of radio and television reporting, but the practice of informing people of the goings on in the world far predates media journalism. That’s right, when your crazy uncle leaves you a fifteen minute voicemail urging you to start digging a bunker in preparation for the illuminati’s forthcoming global conquest, he’s inheriting a rich and noble tradition that is thousands of years old and peopled with hundreds of diligent, respectable, hard-working public servants. This, of course, is not always how it pans out. While good people like your uncle might be patient, thorough guardians of truth and justice, there are charlatans, con men, and fraudsters printing news as well. Sensationalism and manipulation in the news has long been a concern of those who consume it, as evidenced by Ace in the Hole, a 1951 Billy Wilder directed drama about a scandal-peddling, tragedy-mongering tool who resorts to dubious methods to spring him out of the career grave his indiscretions have landed him in. Ace in the Hole promises the usual Billy Wilder things: a sharp, tightly written script, quippy humor, and simple yet understandable characters, and today we’ll talk about all of that and more in a new episode of Magellans at the Movies. Hot off the presses! Nathan and Elliot Magalhães to Release New Installment of Podcast - Public Response Lukewarm. Nathan distraught over plunging numbers, Elliot unavailable for comment, suspected dead, more on page 12A.
Any therapist worth their salt will tell you that it simply doesn’t do to dwell on the negative. Allowing your mental wheels to grind against the woes of the past will only serve to make you more bitter, more defensive, more paranoid, and ultimately less open to the many opportunities and triumphs of the now. Unless, of course, you’ve decided to mark every tenth episode of your unsuccessful film podcast with some kind of special episode, in which case you’re more than willing to shred your mental health by immersing yourself in the trauma tank that is bad movies. No matter how forgiving of a viewer you are, everyone has a list of movies that they can’t stand, the ones that leave you reeling in total disbelief at how anyone was able to produce so many consecutive minutes of pure agony and call it entertainment. Thus we come to the subject of today’s episode of Magellans at the Movies: our least favorites. Hit that big green play button and be sure to have a glass of water on hand because things are about to get spicy!
In the great pantheon of childhood toys there are few as ubiquitous, as culturally dominant, as wildly oversaturated as Barbie, the plastic approximation of a woman whose various outfits probably cost more than your entire closet. Being so intertwined with the tumultuous development of young girls, the brand is of course subject to great scrutiny. Barbie has been accused of being everything from an unrealistic, self-esteem destroying symbol of the male gaze to a Pied Piper of liberal values luring girls away from homemaking and into the workplace. That’s quite a lot of fuss to kick up about a toy whose ultimate fate was met in the jaws of the family dog more often than not, but there are legitimate questions to be asked about what Barbie represents for girls and the impact she has had on them over the years. Thus, when the time came to make a live action movie about her, Warner Brothers and Mattel enlisted director Greta Gerwig, indie actress turned prophet of the adolescent American female, to try to make some kind of sense out of this little plastic doll. The result is the creatively named Barbie, released in 2023 to general acclaim. The Magellan brothers saw it as part of their Barbenheimer celebrations, but, since Nathan only ever owned the one Barbie doll (true story), they felt ill-equipped to judge Barbie’s treatment of its titular subject matter. Thus, they brought in the newly minted Lydia Cowins, their sister and former Barbie-owning young girl, to provide some much needed context to their bemused experience of a film that, whatever its merits or shortcomings, knows exactly what audience it’s playing to. Welcome to your dream home . . . for movie podcasts!
Science! Best known for its supporting role in Bill Nye the Science Guy, science is the method by which we deepen our understanding of the world around us. It tells us what lies in the hearts of stars, the process by which our bodies are formed, and how to turn lead into gold probably. Science isn’t just about nature, it undergirds the world man has established. It has provided us with new materials for building, new medicines for living, and new frontiers for exploring. Most important of all, if you’re an enterprising young empire looking to make a name for yourself, that is, it can tell us how to blow stuff up. Indeed, in the past century alone science has gotten exponentially better at being the carelessly tossed book to the LEGO tower of human infrastructure, culminating in the atomic bomb, one of the most destructive and dangerous weapons to ever be in the hands of a guy whose most standout qualification for wielding such power is usually their having won the most high-stakes popularity contest ever conceived. Yes sir, nukes are serious business, and their inception (get it?) calls for an appropriately serious movie. Hence Oppenheimer, the deeply serious 2023 Christopher Nolan-directed biopic about J. Robert Oppenheimer, the Father of the Atomic Bomb. Oppenheimer is, ahem, blowing up at the box office right now, and rightly so, given that it’s a tightly written, impeccably directed, brilliantly acted portrait of one of the most consequential figures in human history (and given the fact that fate has blessed it with a highly memeable shared release date with Barbie). This week, then, in a Barbenheimer double feature, Magellans at the Movies will be reviewing Oppy’s cinematic life as well. Light that pipe and doff that fedora because we’re going in!
Sand. According to the modern Shakespeare it’s coarse, rough, irritating, and gets everywhere. Those of a similar mind should probably avoid the sun-blasted wastes of Arabia, where the dust is plentiful and the cleansing water rare. The only thing that could make these unforgiving deserts worse would be a web of train lines and bridges used by the Ottoman Empire to move supplies and troops to their various fronts in the first World War. We don’t have to worry about these days, however, thanks in part to the exploits of T.E. Lawrence, better known as Lawrence of Arabia, a young British officer who embedded himself in the Arab revolt to assist in the rebellion’s efforts against the Turks. Thanks to a wildly successful P.R. campaign and a vividly written autobiography, Lawrence became a household name and was eventually memorialized in Lawrence of Arabia, a 1962 historical epic directed by David Lean. Lawrence of Arabia is a grand, sweeping film of jaw-dropping scale and scope, the kind of ambitious realization of an imposing historical legend that has largely fallen out of favor in modern Hollywood. Today, then, let’s dive back into the pages of history alongside this illustrious film to see how it’s all aged. Into the desert, my friends!
Indiana Jones. He’s one of the most recognizable film characters of all time. The whip, the leather jacket, the revolver, and of course, the fedora, all combine to create the adventuring archaeologist's famous silhouette, but Indy’s appeal isn’t all superficial. He’s just a well written, charismatic, Nazi punching hero played with predictably smooth aplomb by Harrison Ford. The franchise didn’t exactly leave us on a high note in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, but a brave group of filmmakers have been assembled to try to bring Indy back in the form of Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny, a 2023 adventure film directed by James Mangold. Dial of Destiny has suffered from a conspicuously troubled development, plagued by reshoots, poor test screenings, and a general atmosphere of suspicion and outright hostility from significant chunks of the fanbase. Now that it’s here, has Lucasfilm managed to pull a rabbit out of their battered brown fedora? Crack that whip and let’s find out!
Everyone has bad days from time to time, yes, even if you live in Australia (five bucks if you get that reference). Your car won’t start when you need to be at work early, the AC breaks on the hottest day of the year, or you accidentally switch lives with your evil long lost twin on your wedding day thus throwing your entire future into uncertainty as you try to convince the police that it’s a coincidence you look exactly like the drug kingpin they’ve been hunting for the past two years. The thing about these troublesome scenarios is that we’ve all been there, we can all relate to them, but we should still spare a thought for the people going through more outlandish just-one-of-those-days days, people like the boys in blue facing down endemic political corruption and violent criminals while trapped in quite literally the most disgusting, poorly maintained apartment complex to ever house human beings. Such is the fate of the central cast of The Raid: Redemption, a 2011 action sleeper-hit directed by Gareth Evans. The Raid is most well known for its chaotic, balletic, bone-crunching action, directed and overseen as it was by stuntmen and choreographers who designed every aspect of the film to either incite, support, or showcase the movie’s fast-paced fisticuffs. Pretty much everyone who sees The Raid finds something to be impressed in it, but Nathan hasn’t seen the film before, so it’s time to put that axiom I just made up to the test. Move in!
Antiquities are a niche interest. People collect relics from the past to learn about how people once lived, how they occupied themselves, and the kinds of comforts they could enjoy. For many people, perusing gilded mirrors, dusty phonographs, and hideous cushions in a poorly lit store on your local town square constitutes cruel and unusual punishment, but some artifacts defy age and become entrenched in our daily lives for all time thanks to their enduring viability. The same is true of movies, especially when it comes to Casablanca, a 1942 film directed by Michael Curtiz and source for most of your grandparents’ references. Casablanca takes place on obvious sets, was filmed during World War II, and its entire cast smokes enough to be two days away from a terminal lung cancer diagnosis, and yet for all its superficial seniority, it has stood the test of time for the simple reason of being a doggone masterpiece. Casablanca is achingly romantic, its characters are eloquent yet understated, and its powerful cast deliver career-defining performances, and today, thanks to a request from one of our loyal listeners, Magellans at the Movies will be gushing about it. Here’s looking at you kid, now let’s jump in!Magellans at the Movies: the Blog (magellansatthemoviesblog.blogspot.com)
In the great pantheon of stuffy old late-19th century British authors (for which the middle school English teacher is the most devoted evangelist) perhaps no other member has had their works adapted more often or in more mediums than Jane Austen, chronicler and critic of polite society in England. Austen’s books have weighed down many an American student’s backpack, but we all know that it’s easier to just watch the movie and then cobble together your report from that, so if you’ve recently been assigned Pride and Prejudice, may we recommend director Joe Wright’s 2005 adaptation as a substitute? You can knock it out in two hours, you can look at your phone while it’s playing, and best of all, after you’ve squeezed a thousand words out of your half-remembered experience you can listen to today’s episode of Magellans at the Movies! That’s right folks, today we’re buckling our shoes and dusting off our epaulets because we’re going to the only place with a higher concentration of emotional repression and undiagnosed nervous disorders than that which can be found on the internet: Victorian England! Disclaimer: failing to adhere to the clear parameters of school assignments is wrong and is not officially endorsed by Magellans at the Movies Inc. or any of its affiliates.
It’s the waning days of World War II and Nazi Germany is in a bad way. The Allies have squeezed them out of Africa and Asia and have begun pushing deep into Europe. Berlin is being slowly suffocated by the Red Army of the Soviet Union and the American and British forces are not far behind. A setting like that usually calls for a grand, explosive film about the heroic Allies delivering the final, decisive deathblow to the exhausted Axis, but director Oliver Hirschbiegel decided to take things in an altogether more unique direction with Downfall, his 2004 character study of the infamous Adolf Hitler’s last days as he flails for some kind of military miracle from the tense confines of his bunker. Downfall is a German film told from the perspective of Hitler’s real-life secretary Traudl Junge, and made the somewhat unpopular decision to meet its detestable characters on their own terms, making an earnest attempt to understand how people ally themselves with evil. In the end this approach paid off and Downfall enjoyed heaps of well deserved praise for its stellar performances and tragic depiction of what Hannah Arnedt called the banality of evil. We’ll do our best to keep things lighthearted, but stories like these don’t exactly lend themselves to knee-slappers, so slap some patches on your suit’s elbows and light your pipe because Magellans at the Movies are diving into the pages of history.
It’s hard getting old. There’s the usual complaints: things like weakening bodies, fading memories, and the looming shadow of death, but getting old also means seeing things change. McDonald’s starts selling breakfast all day, they make the capes for LEGO figures out of cloth instead of paper, and everyone and their grandma wants you to scan a QR code to access their business even though I don’t have my phone on me and why can’t I just talk to a real human to sort out my order I just don’t get-wait, what was I talking about? Well, anyways, you see things change as you get older and you may not like what you see, especially if you’re an aging Sheriff tracking an increasingly violent game of cat and mouse being played between an unassuming everyman on the run with stolen drug money and a murderous hit man hired to kill him and retrieve the illicit cash. At that point you’re living in No Country for Old Men, a 2007 neo-western directed by the Coen brothers and based on the Cormac McCarthy novel of the same name, and brother, you do not want to be living in that movie. That’s because No Country is dark, somber, and violent, but if you can watch the film rather than inhabit it, you’ll enjoy a peerless crime drama with career-defining performances from the likes of Javier Bardem and Tommy Lee Jones. I honestly can’t say enough good things about No Country for Old Men; it’s tense, brilliantly shot, perfectly paced, and endlessly thought-provoking, and it also happens to be Elliot’s favorite movie, so get ready for some truly breathless stuttering monologues about the deconstructionist roots of anti-romanticism in neo-westerns or whatever. Nathan’s there too, I think. Lace up your cowboy boots and check the money for a transponder and let’s hit the road!
Welcome to Los Angeles, the seat of the American film industry! Here you can learn about astronomy at the Griffith Observatory, see the Pacific from the L.A. Boardwalk, and walk across the greats of moviemaking on your way to the TLC Chinese Theater. And of course, no visit to the city of angels would be complete without a glimpse of the Hollywood sign, keeping its steady watch over the humble borough of tinsel town. L.A. has been mythologized almost as much as New York City, and as such has become a beacon for throngs of dreamers hoping for a chance to be discovered and catapulted into stardom. These glossy, candy-colored dreams are the lifeblood, central appeal, and indeed raison d'etre of movies like La La Land, the Damien Chazelle directed 2016 musical and subject of that one famous Oscars snafu. No, the other one. No, the one without the aggravated assault. La La Land is more than just a flashy bit of Hollywood ego-stroking, however, it also endeavors to be a subtle romance about the conflict between personal fulfillment and the pursuit of relationships, the ultimate mendacity of the Hollywood dream, and the pain and questions of the road not taken, bolstered by a pair of stand out performances. La La Land is such a cinematic treat that it fought its way through the frankly overflowing catalog of movies Nathan has seen to claim top honors as his favorite, so now that everyone’s hopefully had time to get over their No Country For Old Men-induced existential crisis, let’s all pep things up a bit with this melodious matinee. Shine your dancing shoes and grab a partner, hit it!
The world is full of stories. Legends and larks abound across the globe, from Eastern European folk tales, to the plays of ancient Greece, to the ongoing storylines of MMOs like Destiny. Some of these tales are inevitably swallowed by the content machine of Hollywood and end up on the silver screen, but in a world as rich with fables as ours it is equally inevitable that a great many deserving stories slip through the cracks and remain chained to the page or the historical record or the PC. Today, then, Nathan and Elliot are sounding the call to the deaf ears of tinsel town, bringing to their non-attention and your vaguely detached attention a selection of their favorite fictions or nonfictions that have yet to be blessed by the fickle attention of the modern media landscape. Grab a pen and get ready to have your reading list inflated because the Magellans at the Movies are talking about movies once again, only this time movies that don’t exist. Sounds like fun!
An epitome is a person or thing that is the perfect example of a particular quality or type. The nuclear bomb is the epitome of manmade destructive power, McDonald’s is the epitome of nothing, Magellans at the Movies is the epitome of movie podcasts, etc. Sometimes the classification of something as an epitome is more controversial than others, but when it comes to Westerns, few would argue against The Good the Bad and the Ugly’s status of the perfect example of this type of movie. Directed by master of the spaghetti western Sergio Leone in 1966, this three hour behemoth of a film cemented the tropes of the genre and provided a much lauded conclusion to the dollars trilogy, while also showcasing Clint Eastwood’s most famous rendition of The Man With No Name. TGTBATU, as it’s informally known, is so gargantuan in scope and scale that the Magellans at the Movies needed to call in an extra set of hands to tackle this cinematic cornerstone, leading to today’s special guest A.J. Arnold! Stick a toothpick in your teeth and throw on your duster because it’s time to giddyup into today’s episode!
Everyone feels a little crazy sometimes. Maybe the guy in front of you in line at Burger King seems to be dealing with the concept of a menu for the very first time. Maybe everyone is showering praise on a film you just don’t like. Or maybe you’re having vivid dreams of your dead wife interspliced with flashbacks to a traumatic experience liberating the Dachau death camp at the end of World War II. If so, you may seek treatment at a mental health institution, but, uh-oh, it’s only 1954 and that means standards of care at asylums are . . . uh, let’s say substandard. Especially if the facility in question is the one featured in Shutter Island, Martin Scorsese’s 2010 psychological mystery-thriller. This gothic institution for the criminally insane may seem benevolent at first, but soon you’ll hear whispers of illegal experiments, people being lobotomized for asking too many questions, patients who come into the care of the island and are never heard from again. With the stage ominously set, a pair of federal marshals come onto the scene for a tense, foreboding offering from its famous director, bolstered by a strong cast and reliably excellent direction. Shutter island wasn’t a smash hit with critics, but audiences loved it for its dense atmosphere and stellar performances, and, at the request of one of our loyal listeners, the Magellan brothers were more than happy to take a look at one of Scorsese’s lesser loved movies. Duck the strait-jacket wielding orderlies and don’t take anything they give you, because all is not as it seems!
James Bond is undoubtedly one of the most iconic characters in all of fiction. Based on a series of novels by Ian Fleming, ever since the 60s our theaters have never been long without a sharply dressed, smooth-talking womanizer saving the world from all manner of eccentric criminals and sinister clandestine organizations. Despite being British through and through, James Bond’s appeal has spread to all corners of the world with his quirky gadgets, witty quips, and-how shall I put this?-strained relationship with what international subterfuge actually looks like. Every generation has had their own Bond, and his canon, tone, and cast of characters has remained remarkably consistent across his nearly three-quarters-of-a-century run, and since Nathan recently decided to see what all the cultural fuss was about, we’ve decided to take a look at the inception of our own incarnation of James Bond with 2006’s Martin Campbell directed Casino Royale. Casino Royale acted as a kind of soft reboot for the character, taking him back to his first big mission against an evil, uh, accountant, in the intense, action packed arena of . . . um, a high-stakes poker game in a private hotel lounge. Thrilling stuff. Anyhoo, shake those martinis and straighten those bow ties because Magellans at the Movies are going in. What’s that? Do I expect you to have read this entire thing? No, listener, I expect you to have gotten bored and started the episode!
I think one of the benefits of living in a post-lockdown era is that our time cooped up indoors has made us more sensitive to the dangers of cabin fever and the limits of a familial or friendly bond. You may love your child more than breathing, but there’s nothing like constant proximity to make you realize just how irritating the way they eat truly is. Unfortunately for the folks living in The Thing, the 1982 science fiction horror classic (based on The Thing from Another World which in turn was based on the short story Who Goes There? by John Campbell Jr.) directed by John Carpenter, their position in the Antarctic wastes in the dead of winter makes it much more difficult to go outside and unleash a cathartic scream of frustration. Compounding their tension is the tendency of their fellow man to be taken over by an alien parasite, transform into grotesque abominations that would make your average Resident Evil boss a bit queasy, and do their darndest to ensure you suffer the same fate. No amount of team building exercises and group movie nights can surmount that relationship hurdle, I’m afraid. Still, it’s not all loss because their suffering is our enjoyment, as The Thing frequently holds pride of place on rankings of Carpenters many achievements in the horror genre. This claustrophobic, paranoid creature feature is unbearably tense, never allowing viewers a moment’s peace, as who is human and who is a Geiger-esque explosion of limbs, slime, and teeth in waiting is always in question. The Thing is so well crafted that it even conquered Elliot’s natural cowardice and inspired him and his brother to talk about it for a bit in a recorded conversation that they felt compelled to transfer into cyberspace. Pull up a chair, then, and keep a wary eye on your housemates as we dive into today’s episode of Magellans at the Movies!
It’s a big, scary, lonely old world out there, ladies and gents, full of nasty and uncomfortable things like trigonometry, team building exercises, and pineapple pizza. If you’re looking for refuge from any of those things, you may find comfort in the pages of a book, but not necessarily anything by David Foster Wallace, the literary titan whose fiction and non-fiction work was frequently heavy of heart and long of wind. Morose as his style was, DFW remains a vaunted figure in the world of the written word, so it’s no surprise that, after his tragic and untimely death, people decided to make movies about him, such as The End of the Tour, a 2015 character study directed by James Ponsoldt and based on the interviews and conversations collected in Although of Course You End up Becoming Yourself by David Lipsky. The End of the Tour follows David Lipsky as he tries to get at what’s in David Foster Wallace’s head, hoping to unlock the secrets of one of the most important authors of the time. The film was celebrated for its performances and sensitive depiction of the tortured, brilliant, lonely man at its center, and today our resident Wallace Wingnut (official name for David Foster Wallace fans, no need to look it up) Nathan has chosen it for review by the ever-discerning eyes of Magellans at the Movies! Put on your thick-rimmed glasses, grab a tumbler of whiskey neat, and brush up on your Kafka for today’s expedition into the soul-devouring abyss that is the pretentious literature scene, yay!
Dinosaurs! Who doesn’t love dinosaurs? There’s just something inherently cool about the idea of an ancient, mysterious kingdom of animals preceding us on Earth before being obliterated in a geological instant, leaving only bones behind for scientists to piece together. Dinosaurs have long been a source of awe in children and adults alike, so it’s no wonder that the titanic lizards (Or maybe titanic birds? Have we sorted all that out yet?) have worked their way into a fair few sources of fiction over the years, with the most enduring and popular example being the dino action of Jurassic Park. This 1993 science fiction thriller of nature’s power and human folly directed by the legendary Stephen Spielberg and based on the book of the same name by Michael Crichton is quite simply a sublime experience, a perfect polygamous marriage of concept, creators, actors, effects, and execution that stands as an unbreakable tribute to the magic of movies. Jurassic Park just has it all: it’s thrilling, thought-provoking and endlessly watchable, and today Elliot is going to prove once and for all to his contrarian brother that JP is a masterpiece for the ages. My dear listening public, welcome . . . to Magellans at the Movies!
The entertainment world is awash with dystopias these days, probably because the real world is as well. Crack open a book or sit down for a movie and there’s a non-zero chance you’ll be treated to a gray, sad main character inhabiting a gray, sad world meant to reflect some potentially harmful aspect of our gray, sad lives exaggerated to enhance danger but not so much that the similarities to present day life are unrecognizable. Entering such a saturated market means you’re bound to get at least a little splash of someone else’s work on your own, and while some try to keep overlap as limited as possible, others sink in and treat the word “derivative” like a gold star pinned to their chest. Hence Black Mirror, an ongoing British science-fiction anthology show with Cyberpunk aesthetics chronicling different characters as they move through the Twilight Zone of a Brave New World that’s at least 1984 times more dystopian than our own. Also, Blade Runner. Despite (or perhaps because of) the pride the show takes in its influences Black Mirror is a much-vaunted program by a great many viewers, and today, by listener request, Magellans at the Movies have selected Fifteen Million Merits, one of the most acclaimed episodes, to review from this cynical series of tech-based sorrow. Hop on the bike and power up your computer, let’s go!
It’s unlikely that any one movie, book, or play can lay legitimate claim to having single handedly invented any given genre. Storytelling has a long history that creators draw from consciously and unconsciously, but in the case of George Romero’s 1968 Night of the Living Dead, the argument for genre progenitor is probably as strong as it gets. The modern zombie movie, indeed, the figure of the modern zombie itself-as a decaying corpse returned to life with an insatiable hunger for human flesh-simply would not exist if not for this movie. Due to the film’s graphic violence (and then-rare African-American leading role), Night of the Living Dead released to controversy and generally mixed reviews, but since then it has enjoyed an immensely favorable revisiting, with praise heaped on the movie’s complex character dynamics, tense setting, and incisive social criticism. Filmed on a tiny budget with a miniscule cast and crew to match, the story of the making of Night is almost as entertaining and interesting as the film itself, so today the Magellans at the Movies thought they would take the plunge into this seminal work of flesh-eating fiction and undeniable piece of movie history. Stick your arms out, assume a vacant expression, and let’s shamble and groan our way into the episode!
Scream is one of horror’s most celebrated and popular franchises. Acting as a kind of State of the Genre address for decades now, Scream intermittently returns from periods of quiet to deliver updates on the tropes and trends of scary movies, as well as the men and women who make them, all wrapped up in an enduring who-dun-it formula wherein a group of friends/suspects is whittled down by the endearingly clumsy Ghostface before an inevitable climactic reveal. Scream is reliably funny and fun, existing in a pleasant median between soft and hardcore horror, leavening brutal, bloody kills with winking humor and quirky, likable characters. Elliot has been a fan of the series for a while now, and after artfully convincing Nathan to watch the movies by constantly berating him, both brothers were fully caught up with this classic slasher series in time for the latest entry. Scream 6, directed by Matt Bettineli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett and released in 2023, is currently in theaters where it is enjoying critical and commercial success and, with the brothers Magalhães now being official Scream savants, they thought they would finally release a relevant review and give their thoughts on the film in all its blood, meta glory. Do you like scary podcasts?
From Saturday morning cartoons to the evening news to science fiction classics, television programs offer up more information, entertainment, and validation than social media, with the caveat that you have to remain relatively stationary while your sense of self-worth is obliterated. TV shows can be self-contained and episodic, or essentially long-form movies telling much more in depth, expansive stories than a two hour film ever could. It’s no surprise, then, that those movie-loving ragamuffins over at Magellans at the Movies have watched a show or two in their time, determined as they are to sustain an awareness of popular culture in lieu of developing a personality. That’s right, folks, in today’s episode we’re leaving the theater and hopping on the couch to talk all about our favorite stories as seen on the idiot box. Who cares about your mother’s warnings about too much TV rotting your brain, pull up a seat, grab the remote and get those synapses withering!
Silence. According to tired parents, librarians, and corporations accused of using child labor, it’s golden, and you’ve probably agreed at one point or another in your life when the noise just gets overwhelming. For Christians facing torture and execution in Japan during the Tokugawa period, however, God’s apparent devotion to the sanctity of keeping a lid on it probably wore a little thin. How do you deal with unanswered prayers, then, or the creeping notion that God is indifferent in the face of human suffering? These are the questions at the heart of Silence, a 2016 film directed by Martin Scorsese based on the book of the same name. Silence follows a pair of Jesuit priests searching for their lost mentor as they contend with theological crises, a frightened and endangered population, and an inquisitor so ruthless and cold blooded he makes Darth Vader look like an overbearing hall monitor. Silence didn’t exactly set the world on fire on release, but its incredible visuals, compelling story, and engaging themes ensure that most people who watch it come away thinking it’s something special, and that’s exactly the opinion of the Magellans at the Movies. Join us, then, as we talk about this slow-burning bit of faith film and why we like it so much. Give us this day our daily podcast, let’s go!
Reality. Most people don’t think about it very much, content to just live in it and let that be the end, but philosophers have been asking questions about reality and its nature since before Socrates was debating his nanny. Answers and theories abound, many of them fairly colorful, but none so colorful as the leather-bound, green-tinted, trench coat-bedecked, sunglasses-at-all-times-no-matter-the-fashion-consequences-or-relevant-light-level offered up by the Wachowski siblings in the 1999 sci-fi action movie The Matrix. The Matrix was, if you’ll pardon the pun, revolutionary at the time of its release, wowing audiences with a mind bending concept, incredible special effects, and stylish action sequences that would be ripped off, paid homage to, and parodied for the next few decades of filmmaking. Join the Magellans at the Movies, then, as they revisit this 90s classic to see how well all the dramatic flourishes and suuuuuuuper sloooooooo moooooootion hold up. Let’s hop into the rabbit hole and get things started!
Planes. They are big and fast and make loud noises and the ones used by the United States military can shoot things. This was the central conceit of Top Gun, a deeply 80s action movie about said big, fast, loud planes shooting things for your viewing pleasure and not much else. Despite a critical panning Top Gun became a mainstay in many a dad’s list of movies he would rattle off to demonstrate how far movies had fallen since his time at the theater thanks to its practical effects, bombastic action set pieces, and unashamedly ostentatious characters. Whatever its objective merits (of which I am decidedly skeptical), Top Gun proved popular enough to warrant a nod from Hollywood’s indefatigable sequel generator, and that’s how we got Top Gun Maverick, an Oscar nominated 2022 movie directed by Joseph Kosinski that was even more of a silver bullet than its predecessor. Top Gun Maverick was enormously popular, an old school, crowd pleasing blockbuster whose grandiose sensibilities and jaw-dropping practical fighter sequences were just the shot in the arm the film industry needed as it was shaking the dust off after its long stint in quarantine. Today, then, join the Magellans as they give their thoughts on a sequel to a movie they have absolutely no nostalgia for, which, according to the sacred texts of the church of hipster film bros, makes them uniquely able to assess this movie’s quality. I feel the need . . . the need to start the episode!
This week was Valentine’s Day, so it’s a week for thinking about those people who make your heart go pitter-patter. The people who give you butterflies every time you see them and get your pulse up into the hundreds. But wait, that isn’t your beloved, it’s the horrifying serial killer Hannibal the Cannibal and you aren’t a doe-eyed high school girl falling for Brock the football captain. No, you’re Clarice Starling and you’re a fired-up FBI agent-in-training hot in pursuit of the latest serial killer that’s terrorizing the nation. That’s right, this week the Magellans are covering the classic thriller The Silence of the Lambs. So, no lovey-dovey feelings this week, instead it’s all about the incredible performances, the immaculate cinematography and the two movie nerds breaking it down for ewe (sheep pun). Lock your windows and doors, and then settle in for another great episode!!!
Treating mental health problems is a tricky project. The mind is a staggeringly complex structure, composed of layers of experiences and biology that, when overlaid on and enmeshed with each other, create systems that are extremely difficult to understand or even articulate, much less fix when something goes wrong. Consequently, treating the mind requires discipline, empathy, and years of hard work on both the doctor and the patient. That sounds boring, though, so for most of human history it was easier to just think people with mental illnesses were weird and/or cursed, and as we all know the best way to deal with people who are weird and/or cursed is to put them in a big building and lock the doors and hope they don’t kill each other. Such was the state of mental healthcare in 1975 when Milos Forman directed One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, an Oscar-winning adaptation of Ken Kesey’s book of the same name. One Flew Over is empathetic in its approach to mental health, exposing the deficiencies in how it was treated and grounding its social commentary in spectacular performances by Jack Nicholson and Louise Fletcher. In today’s episode, then, let’s look back at this classic and see how it’s held up. Let the games begin!
It’s the end of the second World War and things are looking up! The Nazis have been defeated and their leaders are on trial for unspeakable war crimes, China is recovering from the brutal Japanese invasion while the Japanese are entering a period of national introspection and revitalization, and the long conflict has made the world powers of America, the U.K., and the Soviet Union into fast friends. I foresee a long, sunny period of cultural exchange, peaceable de-militarization, and . . . oh. Oh, the U.S. and the U.S.S.R. are discovering that sad fact of all brief but fiery romances: that relationships built on shared traumatic experiences are rarely built to go the distance. The breakup is messy to say the least, with Europe broken up and divided between them and both sides preparing to spend the next few decades trying to act like they’re too cool to notice the other while obsessively stalking their every move and trying to respond in the way most likely to hurt their former ally. We call this international feud the Cold War, and it was a pretty miserable affair, but it did give rise to the genre of the Cold War thriller: stories of espionage, intrigue, and political maneuvering. One of the most fondly remembered pieces of this now-defunct style is The Hunt for Red October, a 1990 movie directed by John McTiernan based on the Tom Clancy book of the same name. Red October is a tense, tightly plotted, slow-burning dance of submarines, sabotage, and sweat, and seeing as Russia has decided it’s tired of not being a global pariah anymore, Magellans at the Movies figured it was time to revisit this mainstay of their childhoods. Let’s dive, dive, dive into the episode!
Tar-an-tino-ism n. 1 a self-indulgent, protracted conversation, usually on a topic no one cares about, with copious amounts of swearing and racial epithets between two or more characters in a film directed by Quentin Tarantino. Tarantionisms are generally pretty popular, many would argue that they’re what make his movies so enjoyable, so it’s no surprise that Pulp Fiction, Tarantino’s 1994 classic, is frequently cited as his greatest achievement, drowning as it is in Tarantinoisms. Pulp Fiction is stylish and sleek in a very grimy kind of way, a throwback to the lurid grindhouse movies of yesteryear that has endeared itself to many a college film student, but the Magellans at the Movies never went to film school they went to films, which might explain why they’re more lukewarm on this cultural touchstone. Whatever the reason for their edginess, the Magellans are back and ready to alienate even more of their rapidly dwindling audience so let’s get this over with so I can find another job that doesn’t pay me in off brand chocolate bars. Go!
A lot of stuff happened in the American West from the late nineteenth century, unfortunately most of it was either pretty depressing or pretty tame. People took stuff that wasn’t theirs, but mostly from Native Americans rather than the local bank in daring heists, and you were more likely to die from disease than a tense quickdraw duel with the man that shot your pa. We’re not here to talk about historical accuracy, though, we’re here to celebrate the American West as it has been mythologized by the silver screen: a realm of hardened gunslingers with stubble-dusted chins engaging in thrilling shootouts, untouched natural vistas brimming with the promise of adventure and wealth, and copious amounts of DUST! Westerns are a staple of American movies, but because we here at Magellans at the Movies are nothing if not men of the modern age we decided to eschew The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly in favor of The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, a 2018 anthology film directed by Joel and Ethan Coen. Buster Scruggs is jam packed with everything that makes the Coens great: masterful directing, eccentric characters, and pitch-black comedy that complements intelligent themes with the added bonus of taking place across six different stories drawing on classic Western tropes and images; a filmmaking playground that the Coens put to great effect. Saddle up, listeners!
Pirates. During their heyday in the 16th-19th century when the combined rises of mercantilism, imperialism, and naval technologies sparked an explosion of commercial, exploratory, and political sea-travel, piracy was synonymous with murder, thievery, and rape, but in one of history’s most impressive spin campaigns, the modern image of the historical pirate has had a thorough cleansing resulting in the romantic figure of the swashbuckling hero we know today. One of the principal examples of this curious instance of historical revisionism is Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, a 2003 blockbuster directed by Gore Verbinski that sparked an explosion of wealth on par with the Age of Sail. Lovable Jack Sparrow isn’t a murderer, he just kills fish monsters, skele-pirates, and British people, and no one cares about any of those guys, so he and his crew of rambunctious buccaneers have been able to sail through a stupefying FIVE movies whilst reliably remaining the protagonists rather than the villains. Today, then, let’s revisit this nostalgic bit of popcorn entertainment by ignoring the dismal state of the franchise as it stands and returning to where it all began, when Johnny Depp was a big star, the Magellans were young, and everyone thought a movie based on a theme park ride was going to be a one-and-done kind of thing. Avast, ye scurvy listeners, raise the anchor and loose the main, let us set sail!
2022, what a great year it has been for people who haven’t been elected British Prime Minister or for people who haven’t bought Twitter. Really, it’s been a good year who did very little proactive. Unfortunately the Magellans have been very proactive this year, taking in a multitude of cinematic offerings and in this gigantic episode they will be bringing their thoughts on the superlatives of those offerings. But not content to merely survey the film landscape the brothers are also sharing their thoughts on their favorite books, video games, and television shows in this episode. So, get some popcorn and a nice, big puzzle to enjoy a special extra long episode of the Magellans at the Movies. Let’s ride!!!
Christmas, according to the song it’s the most wonderful time of the year. The holiday’s superlative status is derived from different factors according to different people. Maybe you’re really into cholesterol and enjoy stuffing your face. Maybe consumerism is more your thing, and you just love adding to your material wealth. Or, if you’re a pair of emotionally stunted young men from rural Iowa whose only mental escape from the 9-5 cubicle awaiting them was film, Christmas is probably most associated with Christmas movies. I exaggerate, of course, Christmas really is a special time of year, and Christmas movies really were a big part of the Magellan household experience. They’ve seen more than their fair share of tinsel town’s (Christmas pun) holiday offerings, so a Christmas classic like 1992’s The Muppet Christmas Carol directed by Brian Henson can only escape their notice for so long. Thanks to a convenient convergence of coincidences, the Magellans both watched this beloved adaptation of Charles Dickens’ seminal work for the first time recently, and since it’s the season of giving they have a gift for you: another episode of their little-known podcast! Merry Christmas, everyone!
War, what is it good for? It’s a question that has hounded philosophers, humanitarians, politicians, Fallout protagonists, and more. Throughout history many people at some point in their life have paused to consider whether humanity’s most destructive method of conflict resolution might be more trouble than it’s worth, and some of those people, upon reaching a negative conclusion, have put pen to paper in the form of anti-war books, paintings, and movies. One of the most famous examples of this is All Quiet on the Western Front, a German novel about the first World War that quickly gained a global audience thanks to its powerful, haunting depiction of life on the front lines. The book has been adapted for the screen multiple times, and today’s installment of Magellans at the Movies will be reviewing the latest iteration of this deeply moving tale of human folly. All Quiet on the Western Front as imagined by German director Edward Berger was released in 2022 a few months ago and did quite well for itself with critics and audiences alike, but because Nathan and Elliot are nothing if not attention-craving contrarians they decided to try to ruin everyone’s fun, if you can call a visually grim, graphically violent story from one of history’s most mind-meltingly horrific conflicts that. Over the top, lads!
When people think about the ways in which they would improve the high school experience, there are probably a wide range of elements they mark out as being particularly painful for all who experience it. Buildings with all the aesthetic flare and functional layout of a three-year-old’s pillow fort. State-approved lesson plans capable of reducing even the most dynamic, vibrant subjects into the educational material of a strong dose of valium. Lunch food derived from recipes written by homicidal maniacs who can’t even be bothered to pair your daily puddle of grease with fava beans or a nice Chianti. The list goes on, but of these innumerable tweaks and edits I don’t think many people would say the chief woe of American high school is the fact that it’s terrestrial. That, loyal listener, is the concern of a very different clientele: superheroes! You can’t teach teenagers how to be the next Superman on the ground, there’s dust and scary beetles down there! No, the best place for this unique form of instruction is found up high, sky high, you might even say. That’s right, folks, today’s installment of Magellans at the Movies addresses Sky High, a 2005 superhero spoof/kids’ comedy, directed by Mike Mitchell, following the colorful exploits of a group of freshmen at the titular ariel high school where they learn to become the next generation of unitard-wearing vigilantes. Sky High didn’t set the world on fire on release, but it has since gained a cult following and seeing as it was a big part of the Magellans Brothers’ childhood, today we thought it might be fun to revisit this curious piece of early 2000s culture. Into nostalgia or disillusionment we go, folks, up, up, and away!
We’ve just been invited to an eccentric billionaire’s island home, and you know what that means: vacation time! Grab your trunks, your sunscreen, and ninety-nine bottles of beer to be appended to the wall and distributed communally one by one over the course of the trip because we are paradise bound! We’ll probably be drunk by the time we get there because that’s a lot of alcohol, but, after a greasy burger sees to your hangover, you should get out there and enjoy the island’s amenities! Gaze in wonder at the Bond villain-esque architecture (get it? ‘Cuz Daniel Craig? James Bond? Is this thing on?), laugh along with the eclectic collection of narcissists and jerkwads that have joined us on this heavenly retreat and . . . gasp! What’s that? Someone’s been murdered? Heavens to Betsy, someone call Colonel Sanders’ third cousin because this is a job for Benoit Blanc! That’s right folks, after Knives Out was showered with stars, A’s, and thumbs ups (to say nothing of cold hard cash), another adventure with the rootin-est tootin-est detective to ever smoke a cigar was inevitable. Hence Glass Onion, the 2022 who-dun-it directed by Rian Johnson following up on his surprise hit. Glass Onion is doing pretty well for itself critically at the moment, and since we’ve seen it recently the Magellans thought they would contribute to the cultural discourse by weighing in on this tropical thriller and doubtlessly end the conversation with their world-renowned wit. The game’s afoot!
Spider-man. If you’re a member of today’s youth, upon whose childhood Disney’s film franchises could feasibly claim an executive producer credit, the name probably evokes images of Tom Holland. Spider-man in his most recent iteration was part of an established brand before he even thwipped his first web in Captain America: Civil War, and his further appearances in Avengers movies as well as his own trilogy of smash-hit films have only thrust the character to greater heights. For the cranky, miserable old men of the audience (hello, Magellans), however, Spider-man evokes a much different set of sights and sounds. Actors who look like they’re at least thirty trying to play high school students. Fight scenes with hilariously obvious wire work. Special effects that we could have sworn were photo-realistic when we first saw them. And one of the most spine-tingling, blood-chilling evil laughs in cinematic history. I’m talking, of course, about the webhead as he was imagined by director Sam Raimi in his 2002 classic of superhero movies, Spider-man. Before the MCU challenged Star Wars for the title of most ubiquitous institution of pop culture, before even Nolan’s dark knight trilogy opened the superhero genre to pretentious film nerds, we had Spider-man, an occasionally cheesy, often funny, and perpetually entertaining relic that spawned two sequels of disparate quality, all of which were a big part of the Magellans’ childhood. Today, then, let’s indulge our nostalgia and revisit this quaint artifact of yesteryear along with the equally quaint but less nostalgic banter and recommendations that this program is supposedly known for. Let’s get swinging!
What if I told you that an infinite set of universes existed and was open to you as long as you’re willing to wear a funny earpiece and lick the nearest traditionally un-licked thing? “Fiddlesticks!” I hear you say. “Why, that kind of poppycock is fit only for speculative fiction!” You’re quite right, O reader of the outdated vernacular, but don’t be so quick to dismiss speculative fiction such as this. When you’re dealing with limitless realities, you of course have a limitless toybox from which to draw the most mind-boggling, jaw-dropping spectacle movie goers have ever seen! Or, if you’re a pair of indie directors working with an indie studio, you could ignore most of that and stick to the exotic confines of an IRS building. As it happens, today’s movie Everything Everywhere All at Once, a 2022 action movie from alliterative directing duo the Daniels, goes with the second option. Oh well. Everything Everywhere was a surprise hit with critics and audiences alike, and has a sunny outlook going into awards season, but we here at the offices of Contrarian Movie Bros-sorry, I mean Magellans at the Movies were not quite as impressed. Everything Everywhere has a creative and intriguing premise, but is held back by indulgent scenes of action, shoddy character development, and a questionable moral message and you can hear about all of that and more in this week’s episode! So, wrap your head in tissue paper, dunk it in maple syrup and apply to a nearby stack of flapjacks and verse-hop into the strange and terrible universe of the Magellans at the Movies!
Nature can be both awesome in its complexity and beauty and terrifying in its power and scale. The diseased raccoon sifting through your garbage can at midnight may appear like a gentle, majestic citizen of the forest, but fail to treat it with respect and reverence and you will know the wrath of nature. That’s enough about how I got my new rabies shots, though, let’s talk about Godzilla, the diseased raccoon of the monster movie world. Godzilla is a staple of the very medium of filmmaking, a franchise many decades old boasting dozens of movie installments in addition to comics, TV shows, toys, pretty much anything that can be commodified and sold in your local Wal-mart. Godzilla is usually a Japanese product, but in 2014 American director Gareth Edwards took up the call to bring him back to western audiences after Roland Emmerich tried to do the same to . . . let’s say uneven results. Most people are fairly lukewarm on this iteration of the King of the Monsters, but we here at Magellans at the Movies Inc. happen to think Godzilla 2014 is something special, a fresh, unique take on the titular titan focusing more on tension, awe, and scale than relentless edge of your seat thrills, chills, and the color orange. Today, then, let’s talk about this curious little film, why we think it deserves more praise than it gets, and a few other movies you might like as well. 3, 2, 1, launch!
Baths, you may know them as those mini-swimming pools you used to clean off in when you were young and had time for anything more luxurious than a five second rinse in the shower and a few spritzes of Axe body spray, but that’s just because your mindset isn’t cosmopolitan enough. Around the world, baths aren’t always individual experiences where you burn your skin off with whatever toxic waste they make store-brand shampoo out of, sometimes, as in the traditional Japanese sento, they’re group experiences meant to bring a community together. Combine that with the novel premise of a communal bath house for spirits Japanese mythology and you have Spirited Away, the most charming film about child labor to ever hit the cinema! This 2001 animated classic, brought to you by the dynamic duo of director Hayao Miazaki and production company Studio Ghibli, is warm, funny, occasionally a bit scary, and ultimately a delight of a film bursting with creative worldbuilding and gorgeous art-style. And who better to judge this quintessentially Japanese story than two Americans from Iowa? Get in there Magellans at the Movies and do your bantery, analytical, reccomendy thing! Let the podcast begin!
Everyone hates winter, or at least everyone who has good opinions on seasons dislikes winter. And every writer has some amount of self-loathing going, otherwise they would pursue a more lucrative career such as working in masonry. And even further, it seems like everyone in the 80s hated their family, so when Jack Torrence took a job being stuck in a hotel with his family for the winter to attempt to write the next great American novel, maybe he should have known it would not go well for him. But it did go well for the camera crew documenting this process, they got to make one of the greatest horror movies of all time. And now the brothers Magellan are going to tackle this film for your listening pleasure, diving into both the technical elements and the deep thematic material that Stanley Kubrick brings to this classic adaptation of Stephen King’s novel. So, grab your fire ax, big wheel tricycle, and creepy twin sister and let’s get started!! Here’s the Magellans!!!!!!
The director. When it comes to the process of making movies there are few positions that hold the promise of greater acclaim for success or more ruthless criticism for failure. Rightly or wrongly, the director of a movie is sort of the face of the production. If an actor turns in a shoddy performance, we might say that they were given poor direction. If the cinematographer has apparently confused a dynamic, engaging visual style with the constant use of Dutch angles, we may assume that the pushy director is just really into feeling like he’s about to slide out of his chair when he’s at the theater. If a movie’s writing is shot through with cliches, melodrama, and an overreliance on vapid spectacle, we might just chalk it up to the usual Marvel formula, har har har. Whether or not any of this is fair, I think it’s safe to say that when someone decides to direct a movie they are faced with a difficult road. No area of filmmaking lacks at least a hint of the influence of the director, so when one such director manages to succeed in wrangling the different aspects of production into a coherent and satisfying whole not just once, but continuously over a long career in Hollywood, people notice. Today, then, on our twentieth episode, the Magellans are bringing to you five examples each of directors that have, for reasons of style, mastery of genre, or simple, inexplicable skill, captured their notice. It’s pretty much recommendations straight through today, folks, so get your DVD players ready, warm up the ol’ VHS player, and queue up your preferred streaming service for the Magellans at the Movies Director Extravaganza with bonus soundtrack provided by Mom insensitively clomping around the kitchen. Lights, camera, podcast!
You know, it’s at times like these that I like to pause and reflect on what makes a good movie. Why do some legends of the silver screen leave us cheering with rapturous abandon, chattering excitedly to our seatmates about the experience we have just shared while others see us walking out of the theater in disgust, our delicious snacks abandoned and our outlook ever so slightly dimmed? I can’t answer that question for you, loyal listener, but I can say that, for me personally, the former category is unlikely to contain many overlong, jumbled, paper-thin “comedies” about young men trying to take revenge on their abusive step-fathers. Enter Hot Rod, a 2007 comedy directed by Akiva Schaffer and hosting a cast of SNL alums. Hot Rod charts the effort of Rod, an aspiring stuntman, to raise money for a heart transplant for his stepfather Frank, the idea being that he might one day earn Frank’s respect by . . . beating him up. Hilarious. Anyways, Nathan and Elliot watched it because some people Nathan knows requested it, so let it never be said that we ignore the suggestion box. Expect plenty of sarcasm as we break Hot Rod down, and look out for a very special surprise guest star! Let’s put the pedal to the metal!
I can hardly wait! Memento is unsurprisingly difficult to follow, but those that endure the initial confusion will be rewarded with a truly special movie about how reality is constructed through memory and perception all wrapped up in Nolan’s classically sharp writing and cast of immensely talented actors. If you know anything about Memento it is almost certainly its novel structure, told backwards from the perspective of a man with retrograde amnesia on a mission to avenge his murdered wife. Nowhere is this derision for the idea of the audience knowing what on earth is going on more pronounced than in Memento, Nolan’s second movie and the film that served as his battering ram through the notoriously sturdy gates that separate cultural obscurity from the mainstream consciousness. When some tell stories on a pathetically linear chronology, Christopher Nolan takes the arrow of time, in all its permanently forward-facing simplicity, as a personal insult and has dedicated his working life to its desecration. Where others content themselves with the three dimensional, he looks to dimensions four through twelve. While we play checkers, he plays chess. When it comes to mind-melting movies you need seven pages of notes and a basic understanding of theoretical physics to understand, you can’t go wrong with Christopher Nolan.
A little plastic, a little glass, and a reason to rule all, that is myself- Marcus Aurelius if he was a computer. It is with these powerful words in mind that Steve Jobs (probably) set out to usher in the information age by providing every man, woman, and child with the means to access an increasingly intelligent, versatile series of electronic brains capable of processing and performing ever-more complex tasks in an ever-more complex and evolving digital universe. Was he pleased that the most complex task most people ask of their personal electronic brains was the occasional game of solitaire or the provision of a video of cats playing the piano? Unlikely, and now that Mr. Jobs is eleven years dead, we are unlikely to ever find out. That doesn’t mean people aren’t going to try to get into the head of this titanic and still-controversial figure of history. Enter Danny Boyle to direct the Sorkin-penned script for Steve Jobs, an uncreatively named biopic released in 2015 to critical acclaim. Steve Jobs (the movie, I mean, not the guy) wields Aaron Sorkin’s snappy dialogue to great effect in a memorable character study zeroing in on three critical moments in Steve Jobs’ (now I’m talking about the man, jeez this is unnecessarily confusing) career. It’s a sharply written, skillfully directed triumph boosted to yet greater heights by a slew of immensely talented actors firing on all cylinders. Joining us to talk about said triumphs is Will Spalding, a friend of Nathan’s but someone whom Elliot has never met before so who knows how that’s going to go. Well, there’s only one way to find out, so Will, sharpen your analytical knives and flex your comedic chops because this is Magellans at the Movies, where the standards of criticism are high, and the humor is . . . present. Go go go!
Greetings! Welcome to Magellans at the Airport Travel Agency, I’ll be helping you for today. Looking to get away from it all but not sure where to go? Eager for a relaxing stay in a refined, high-class environment? Well let’s take a dive into this file here and see what we can’t scare up for you. Hmm, the Bates Motel? Nice place but the showers are a bit dodgy. Hotel Earle? Run by the Coen brothers but I think it burned down a while ago. The Overlook? I think they’re in the winter season and you DO NOT want to stay there during the off season. Ah, here’s a good one, the Grand Budapest Hotel. Now this is an establishment with class, my friend, a true blast from the past complete with lobby boys, ornate rooms, and even elevator assistants from back when people couldn’t be trusted to press a numbered button. Might be a little tense right now what with the war on, but it would be worth a visit just to meet the concierge, a man so eccentric and ostentatious he makes Elvis look like the worship pastor in a small midwestern church. I guarantee you’ll have a good time there, and when you’re done come back for a recommendation on where to, uh, watch next? I don’t know, this metaphor is getting strained, the point is that we’re reviewing the 2014 Wes Anderson film The Grand Budapest Hotel this week, and, like all Wes Anderson movies, its style is ornate and its characters eccentric. Nathan and Elliot have plenty of thoughts on Anderson’s most well known offering, so let’s check in, get unpacked, and hit the pool for all the banter, analysis, and recommendations that you know and . . . well, that you know. Let’s do it to it!
Murder. Hopelessness. Darkness. The creeping, oppressive fear of life’s monstrous emptiness that spreads in the brain like a malignant tumor and drowns all light and joy in a grim tide of crushing resignation. Bleak stuff, yes? Maybe for silly sheeple like you and I who believe in things like hope, objective truths, and some kind of logically defensible moral structure, but for director David Fincher, nihilistic conceptions of humanity’s bottomless capacity for evil is the stuff of Christmas cards. Perusing through Fincher’s filmography may be like taking a tour of sadness in a museum curated by a man with the outlook of Eeyore (with one bizarrely lighthearted exhibit about the mindset of youth defying the physical bounds of age), but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you won’t enjoy your time in David Fincher’s Circus of Suffering so long as you stay away from girls with tattoos of fictional lizards. Yes, it is hard to call any given Fincher movie “enjoyable”, but it is very easy to call them “great”, and the subject of today’s installment of Magellans at the Movies examines one such example of greatness: the 1995 detective thriller Se7en. Se7en, aside from its unwieldy name, is predictably Fincher-y. It's dark, it centers conflicted characters grappling with overwhelming evil, and, oh yeah, it’s absolutely captivating and shot to utter perfection by a masterful director. We’ll try to keep things as upbeat as possible, but with a movie like this the recommendations and analysis are unlikely to turn your frown upside down, so maybe watch The Lego Movie once you’re done, yeah? Take care of your mental health, folks. Anyhoo, I need to go rethink my life so let the episode commence!
Fish, probably the most unwelcome thing to find on a pizza aside from maybe a heaping helping of crude oil. You probably don’t think that much about fish as you go through your daily life, and unless you’re a sociopathic dentist trafficking kidnapped fish to your equally unhinged niece to murder, they’re not terribly concerned with you either. This mutual indifference does a great disservice to both our species, however, because, as we see in the 2003 animated classic Finding Nemo directed by Andrew Stanton, fish actually have vibrant internal lives and a sprawling, complex culture! This week let’s all take some time to sit down with this movie and reflect on all we can learn from our aquatic allies, the good we could do together, and the many unfortunate pets who ended up in sewage treatment plants because of little Billy’s kind-hearted but ultimately misguided attempt to send his fish to the ocean via the toilet on Gill’s advice. Despite the minor fish genocide Finding Nemo undoubtedly caused with its infamous assertion that “all drains lead to the ocean”, the movie is rightly considered to be one of the many jewels in Pixar animation studio’s heavily bedazzled crown, and because Nathan and Elliot were getting kind of depressed with all these movies about people dying and civilization collapsing, they’ve made it the subject of their latest episode! Expect plenty of banter and some top tier recommendations to go along with their DEEP (that’s an ocean pun) analysis of the movie’s content. Let’s SINK in (this is cracking good stuff I’m giving you, why aren’t you laughing?)!
So, your mother has just died, leaving her estate in your care, but the rapacious bank with which she did business spent the last few years of her life squeezing pennies out of her pocket with sadistic glee. You’re a divorced dad who wants to do right by your children and leave them the family ranch that has just been found to be oil rich, but the bank is closing in, ready to foreclose and reclaim the house. What’s an enterprising young Texan like yourself to do? The answer, as any hard-jawed, steely-eyed man’s man knows, is sell cookies at your local theater troop’s yearly musical and skim enough off the top to satisfy the enormous debt. What’s that? Not good at baking? Hate musicals? Well, my friend, it looks like you’ll have to take the Hell or High Water route, and fortunately this week’s movie, the 2016 best picture nominee Hell or High Water directed by David Mackenzie, can tell you all about it. Just enlist the help of your reckless, dangerous brother and recruit the very bank that has been at your heels into a decidedly involuntary GoFundMe campaign in the form of a robbing spree that spans the Lone Star State and bing bang boom! Money time. Now that you’re rich and in the clear, may I recommend today’s episode of Magellans at the Movies, which reviews this very film (and also accepts donations fyi)? Don’t worry, you’ll get your fill of analysis, banter, and recommendations before the lawman tracks you down for a tense confrontation, but only if you start the episode now, so what are you waiting for? Let’s giddyup to the movies!
If any franchise can be described as rivaling Star Wars’ world-dominating ubiquity, it’s probably Marvel. Beginning with a film charting a billionaire’s efforts to essentially make himself a terminator suit powered by a miraculous new energy source in a cave with nothing but scraps (a premise that, despite Jeff Bridges’ incredulity, comes off as hard-core realism compared to the more . . . imaginative plots of the later films), the MCU currently churns out content at a rate even Call of Duty finds excessive. Whatever your opinion on them, however, Marvel movies are extremely profitable and popular with critics and audiences alike, and despite much tilting from a small but vocal sect of YouTube reviewers, the Marvel windmill is set to spin on until rapture. Or so it seems. Because now a new challenger approaches, fleet of foot and loose of limb, and ready to flail about before the windmill like a breakdancer having a seizure until their voices are heard. That’s right, MCU, Magellans at the Movies have thrown down the gauntlet and are ready to take on one of your most beloved episodes, Captain America: the Winter Soldier! This 2014 film directed by Anthony and Joe Russo may have all the Marvel standards (musclebound men looking pensive, grandiose plots with insane stakes, and at least one lingering shot of an attractive woman’s backside), it may have made hundreds of millions of dollars, it may have won the hearts and minds of millions of fans, but that’s only because they haven’t heard two college students from Iowa whine about it yet! Don’t even bother begging for mercy, once we’ve had our say, I guarantee that all three of our listeners will never give you a red cent again, a financial blow from which you will never recover. Let the destruction of the MCU begin now!
Being a mobster can be a bit of a mixed bag. Sure you can have all the atrocious pinky rings, oily hair, and pressed suits you could ever wish for, but at what cost? According to Goodfellas, the 1990 mob movie following the life of actual former gangster Henry Hill directed by the master of mob movies Martin Scorcese, that cost is a Shakespearean fall from grace attended by all manner of marital strife, drug-induced paranoia, and overweight, balding dads telling you that you can just “fugeddabout” going on living if you cross them. Harrowing stuff. Still, like a middle schooler challenged to down a ghost pepper in one bite in front of their cheering friends, the allure of fame and power can be an overwhelming force, even in the face of terrible danger. That’s enough about Nathan’s emergency room-destined seventh grade sleepover, though, because we have a movie to get to! Goodfellas is beloved by many and often lifted up as an example of its prestigious director’s finest work, but I must admit, the Magellans have never been the movie’s most enthusiastic proponents. In the interest of offering a balanced perspective, then, we’ve invited Goodfellas aficionado Jake Brend, whose notable achievements include growing a beard and doing our intro, onto the podcast to mock-sorry, I mean patiently listen to his argument about why this movie deserves its lauded status. And action!
Well, dear reader, it seems we have arrived at the tenth installment of Magellans at the Movies, and the tenth bit of anything is always considered notable for reasons I’ve never really understood. I guess people just like the number ten because it’s usually the easy part of math problems. Anyways, over the past weeks you’ve listened to and come to love Magellans at the Movies for its biting criticism, adroit analysis, and euphoric celebrations of the best and worst of this medium. Or maybe you just appreciate the program’s utility as a mild sedative at bedtime. Either way, as you’ve listened to each increasingly lengthy session of mindless blather, you may have begun to wonder about your guides through these somniferous sermons of cinema. Who are these strange men, and where did they come from? Why did Elliot disappear for three years in the Australian Outback and why did he return? What do the tiny runic symbols printed on the inside of Nathan’s glasses mean and why does he draw them every night on his wall? Why do these descriptions never end before meeting the word count of your average Stephen King book? Unfortunately none of those questions will be answered today, but we will be celebrating our tenth episode by sharing a bit about ourselves as movie watchers. Not that anyone asked for it, but what is a podcast if not casting pieces of oneself into the digital void to the delight and rapturous attention of precisely no one? In all seriousness we never held any illusions about the possibility for great fame or success, we’re just a pair of brothers who love movies, love talking about them, and wanted to share some of that love with a larger audience, however paltry the expansion. We thank you for listening, even if it was only once, and we hope you have and will continue to enjoy our bloviating about movies we adore, despise, and are indifferent to every week. Let’s get going!
Prison, it’s where you go when a simple disagreement between you and a particularly ornery spider monkey at the zoo gets more than a little heated and can no longer be constrained by a chain link fence. After the monkey’s tearful (but totally exaggerated) testimony moves the judge to throw the book at you, you’ll find yourself in a high-security hotel where early checkouts are frowned upon, your room is the size of an envelope, and the cleaning staff execute their duties with a work ethic that can only be described as unenthusiastic. It’s a bit like the American education system in that you’ll do your time facing terrible food, substandard medical care, constant threat from the more aggressive amongst your fellow inmates, and most of society cares more about keeping you inside than ensuring you learn your lesson while you’re there. Stepping away from super fresh and original jokes about how school is a lot like prison amirite lolz, I think we can all agree that prison is a bit grim, and how much more so when you’re forced to do the time despite not actually having done the crime? Such is the fate of Andy Dufresne, protagonist of The Shawshank Redemption, a 1994 prison movie directed by Frank Darabont that is frequently present on all but the most contrarian of hipsters’ Best Movies of All Time lists. Shawshank is stark and bleak, and occasionally hard to watch, yet leavened by an indefatigable sense of hope and trust in the power of friendship against which no cynicism can stand. The Shawshank Redemption is a movie every film lover should see at least once, and today, for the first time, Magellans at the Movies will be bringing in a non-Magellan film lover to help talk about it. That’s right, this episode we’ll be joined by Ben Neessen, best known for being tall and having red hair, and whose credentials as a cinephile are as ironclad as they come. With Ben’s help we’ll banter, review, and recommend to a standard at least three or four percent higher than our usual fare, so we hope you enjoy. Ready, set, go!
Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/T3KWHX6
Nope. What a versatile, efficient word it is. Truly the Swiss army knife of refusals, it can be employed to firmly shut down the unwanted advances of belligerent drunkards, casually indicate one’s satiated appetite when food is being ordered, or awkwardly turn back the weapons grade LSD you’ve just been handed at your nephew’s birthday party for some reason. We’re not here to talk about why I don’t visit uncle Horatio anymore, though, we’re here to talk about Nope the movie, a 2022 science fiction/horror flick directed by Jordan Peele, either the savior of modern cinema or the embodiment of everything that ails it, depending on who you ask. You can forget the anti-cloud gazing message of Don’t Look Up (I’m assuming that’s what that movie’s about, haven’t seen it yet) because Nope is all about cranking the ol’ noggin back to get a good look at the sky and the extraterrestrial shenanigans unfolding therein. That’s right, Jordan Peele’s third movie is all about aliens, a scarier prospect than having your vacation waylaid by a surprise visit from your long lost twin but not quite as scary as meeting your girlfriend’s family and being subjected to their lame attempts to relate to you. Like Get Out and Us before it, Nope features strong performances, competent directing, and a story whose high-minded themes and focus on subtle foreshadowing and easter eggs will delight some and infuriate others. What’s that I hear you ask? “What did those loveable rapscallions over at Magellans at the Movies think about the movie? What are some similar movies I could watch? How do Nathan and Elliot feel about Belgian prime minister Alexander De Croo?” Well you’re in luck my friend of the strangely specific inquiries, because this podcast literally exists for the sole purpose of answering those questions as they relate to various films, including, this week, Nope! So let’s wrap up the description and move along to the main event! Hit it!
Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/T3KWHX6
Allow me to impart a story to you, dear reader. Back when this program was getting started, I attended a conference in Dubai for exciting young creatives at the bleeding edge of innovation in the field of podcasts. After the guards realized my credentials were fake and threw me out the third floor window, I was wandering the city in despair when I stumbled upon a homeless man, sitting beneath a bridge in a pile of trash, but bearing a delighted grin on his face. “How can you be so happy sitting down here with all this garbage?” I asked. The man raised a mysterious eyebrow, dug his hand into his pocket, and produced a battered DVD case. Closer inspection revealed it to be a copy of a movie called The Dark Knight. “The Dark Knight?” I said, incredulous. “What does that mean? Why doesn’t someone just turn up the lights? And how big are your pockets anyway?” But when I looked up, the man had vanished. After I smuggled myself to Canada in a cello case on a luxury cruise line and snuck past the pack of moose in camouflage that they had guarding the border for some reason, I made my way home, where I popped the movie in, and then I knew why the man had been so happy having so little. For his sole possession had not only been just what I needed to concoct a bloated, farcical, and obviously apocryphal story for the description of an upcoming podcast episode, it had been an absolute masterpiece of a movie. Directed by the inimitable Christopher Nolan and released in 2008 to instant acclaim, The Dark Knight is the pinnacle of comic book movies: dark, intense, thought-provoking, and boasting a villain who represents such a perfect marriage of brilliance in design, writing, and performance that it is impossible to leave without feeling like you’ve seen something truly special. Now Elliot and Nathan will take turns gushing about it like the squealing fanboys Nathan is at heart, and that’s not even including the recommendation and banter sections that were THIS CLOSE to getting us a sponsorship deal before I got thrown out that window. Next time I’ll get it, for now let’s get to the episode already! And here. We. Go!
“Life in South Korea can be hard,” says director Bong Joon Ho’s 2019 thriller/mystery/think piece/comedy/who-even-knows movie Parasite. “Its cities are crowded, its economic mobility limited, and its toilets prone to expressing their dissatisfaction with all the (admittedly unpleasant) ins and outs of daily toilet life by returning the contents it was meant to consign to oblivion right back into the homes of their cruel human masters.” “Well, Parasite,” you return, “you certainly describe a grim situation, but what does it mean? What can or should be done about it? What deeper point are you trying to get across? And how does BTS figure into all of this? (No, seriously, someone please explain what BTS is to me, I’m scared to look it up.)” Parasite’s reply is ambiguous, a half-shrug and a mysterious smile, and depending on what kind of movies you like, this may send you scrambling for articles, videos, and reviews dissecting the deep layers of thematic flesh in which Parasite is coated, or on a different kind of journey . . . the kind that leads back to the video aisle of your local Walmart with anger in your heart and a refund in your future. But whether you left the theater ready to declare the film a masterpiece or having thrown up into your popcorn at the sheer pretentiousness of it all (or just having been inspired to write an angry letter to . . . whoever runs capitalism, Mr. Monopoly I think), your reaction was probably not one of apathy. Now, the movie-going Magellans for which this program is named will submit for your listening pleasure their own reactions to the 2020 Best Picture winner, their, uh, let’s say endearingly enthusiastic attempts at thematic analysis, as well as their best efforts to recommend a movie that is in any way similar to one that, whatever else, resists easy classification. Let’s do it!
Ah, middle school. That crucible of adolescent life straddling the divide between the sugary, innocent and carefree days of childhood and the more serious physical, social, and mental developments of high school (that other crucible of adolescent life). Herein boys and girls become . . . uh, slightly older boys and girls, and because human society has a truly alarming belief in the virtue of social bonds, it was long ago decided that the best way to shepherd all those mischievous scamps into the next phase of their life was to dump them all together in a big ol’ building and spend eight hours each day having depressed, underpaid and overworked men and women talk at them about how to multiply watermelon, what Gettysburg’s address is, and what kind of a house the mitochondria lives in. Or something like that. But shoving all those hormone machines together into rooms of varying size and resemblances to black site interrogation chambers is good for more than creating or exacerbating the odd nervous disorder, it could be a setting for quite the interesting, charming, and heartwarming movie, and Eighth Grade is all of those and more. Whether you’re a social butterfly who looks back at the friends and fun of middle school with a soft smile or your name is Elliot Magalhães, Bo Burnham’s 2018 directorial debut empathetically depicting shy, awkward Kayla in her last days of the titular education level is moving and inspiring, and today you will have the pleasure(?) of listening to two weirdos talk about it, exchange lighthearted barbs masking deep-seated childhood resentments, and create strained ties to other movies that you could also watch. Let’s dive in!
Jurassic World: Dominion, what a movie! Eye-popping special effects, likable characters, thought-provoking ideas about the relationship between man and nature, and complemented by impeccable scenes of tension that proudly take their place among the best feats cinema has to offer! Oh, wait, no I’m thinking of Jurassic Park. Jurassic World: Dominion is Jurassic Park’s second cousin, bitterly toiling away in the shadow of its more popular relative. Dominion is the 2022 conclusion to the Jurassic World trilogy, and even the most romantic of Romeos would struggle to call parting with these movies “such sweet sorrow”. In this case parting is more like speeding your jerk of a Tinder date home so you can get on with your life and drown the memory of the ill-fated tryst in a pint of ice cream. Jurassic World: Dominion is bloated, boring, unforgivably sloppy and about as tense as an elementary school play about the water cycle, and today the Magellans at the Movies will pass judgment on it (even though I think Nathan didn’t actually hate it but I write the descriptions so I get to say what I want) and hopefully leaven its burdensome runtime with the banter, recommendations, and general good vibes that has attracted tens of viewers to this podcast. Hold onto your butts!
“St-Star Wars?” I hear you say with befuddlement, “What a silly notion, stars are spherical cosmic bodies composed mainly of gasses, how could they be capable of launching large-scale combat operations against each other?” Ah, my unrealistically out of touch hypothetical reader, allow the Magalhães brothers to enlighten you in today’s exciting new episode of Magellans at the Movies! Truly no other movie can claim to be as ubiquitous as George Lucas’s career defining 1977 space opera. Every set, weapon, ship, character, sound effect and piece of music is iconic, and today, in what is the reviewer’s equivalent of an architect evaluating the structure of the Great Pyramids, we’ll be adding our two cents to the oceans of pennies that have already been spent on this cultural behemoth. Nathan is our resident Star Wars superfan, so in addition to the allegedly endearing banter and supposedly relevant recommendations expect an extended disquisition on the behind the scenes trivia and extended universe material that has accumulated around the Star Wars universe while Elliot . . . will also be present. Let’s get started!
Jury duty? Aw, man! I hate jury duty! So begins any number of tired standup routines delivered to tens of disinterested audience members in many a middle school talent show, 2000s sitcom, or grungy back room comedy club that doubles as a meeting place for the local AA chapter, but the 1957 classic courtroom drama 12 Angry Men is here to remind us that doing one’s civic duty is more than just a way to kill a couple weeks watching slow-mo replays of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s marriage imploding, it can often be a matter of life and death, and what a reminder it is! This week join the usual hosts of Magellans at the Movies as they look back on Sidney Lumet’s spectacular movie debut full of incredible performances, masterful cinematography, and thought-provoking themes along with the brothers’ usual complement of banter and recommendations. I can’t wait!
For the inaugural episode of the podcast Nathan and Elliot watched the classic Spielberg war film Saving Private Ryan. They discuss its commentary on war and how they felt it achieved its goals, with some help from some random review Elliot found on the internet.