Diary of Fatherhood: Recent Episodes
Joseph Oche
Hello! Welcome to my Diary of Fatherhood! My name is Joseph Oche. My wife, Patience, and I are blessed with three children. Occasionally, I’m also blessed to be a father figure to somebody. I love being a father and welcome its challenges cheerfully. Dairy of Fatherhood is a reflective journal of some of my many lightbulb moments in the journey, birthed from my hobby of thoughtful writing. It is hinged upon open, honest, humorous, and safe communication within our family, as well as on my intentional involvement in the lives of my children. May sharing my experiences inspire you!
An unsettling question from my son leads us to have an engaging conversation about developing the right attitude with money.--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/diary-of-fatherhood/message
A lesson about being sensitive to other people's moods and knowing when it is inappropriate to play.
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As my family and I were walking from the parking lot into the church, I reminded Ofu,
“Hey, Papi, please remember to remove your hat when we enter the church.”
Then he blotted, “But why?”
Me: “Men and boys don’t wear hats in the church.”
Ofu: “I want to know why.”
Me: “It’s a mark of respect for God as we worship Him. It’s like how we remove our caps when we sing the national anthem.”
Ofu: “Ooo! Why is it that boys have to be the ones giving up everything? Boys can’t wear hats in the church. Boys can’t hit girls, yet they hit boys all the time.”
Me: “Oh no. We can’t hit girls. You’re right. We walk away. Let’s talk about this when we get out of church. Ok?”
Ofu’s concern validates a question that I have been pondering. The question is: “Do denigrating men contribute to women’s empowerment?”
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By enabling our children to freely share their stories and actively listen, we will see tangible pieces of evidence of their characters.
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Ofu: “I gave a compliment to someone yesterday, and he got offended and then threw his glasses away. I was reported to my teacher, and she tried to email mom, but it didn’t go through.”
Me: “I can imagine. That was a misunderstood compliment. He didn’t get it.”
My son shared how he gave his classmate a rhetorical compliment, which was misunderstood. We had this conversation about using standard English all the time with people who may not understand our rhetoric.
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How I broke the news of my father's death to my children.
"You know that Papa has been getting old and sickly right?"
They didn't acknowledge it. They were just astounded. So I continued:
"He fell sick last weekend and didn't make it. He passed on, on Wednesday." I paused for a moment to let it sink in, then nodded and added, "yeah, we lost Papa."
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"...I perceive her appreciation and sigh of relief to mean an expression of her refilled love tank through my spending quality time with her and performing this act of service. That’s what happens whenever I “go there with her.” “There” means her need of the moment..."
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I recall that when I become a father, my aunt looked at me and said, “young dude,” as she fondly calls me, “no one can teach you how to be a father. It is something that you will learn as you go.” It was a pregnant statement that continues to be relevant as the events of my fatherhood unfold.
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"...I believe that if we, parents, place character formation in our children as the top priority, then excellent performance will become a natural product. Our main job responsibility as parents is training, while our job duties can be categorized into the areas of the qualities above and done mainly by modeling..."
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“Did you see how you were flexible to work around your wet swim clothes and have them quickly ready for you to use again?”
Ofu: “Wait. Was that flexible? I thought flexible means bending your body so that you can touch other parts of your body where you can’t reach normally.”
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Me: “You spoke to his strength. You reminded him that he was good at making bacon and could use his skills to help speed up the cooking. Did you notice how excited he was to come and throughout the time he cooked?”
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So, when your child tells you that they have a problem, what is your first natural response? If I’m correct, it is to swoop on the problem and help them fix it. Right?
Well, recently, I was caught up in the same mindset. John is the president of a youth club, where he commands the respect of members and adult leaders.
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This one is about one of the many times that I blew a parenting opportunity. So, I hope you will extend some grace to me.
Once again, it involves Ofu, my strong-willed child. He left his plate and cup on the dining table after lunch to go and play on his device. When I noticed them, I said, “Ofu, can you clean up after yourself and put away your plate and cup?”
He just flared up and threw a fit. It was like from zero to a hundred in a split moment. Honestly, it was very stressful, and I felt very helpless about what to do. So, I said,
“Ofu, I am so stressed by your behavior, and now I’m ready to visit a counselor to help me. That’s why I’m not hugging you as much.”
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I picked up Agbenu from school after she stayed back for drama rehearsals.
She was not looking so upbeat. We greeted each other after she got into the car. Then I said, “you look more tired than usual. Are you hungry?”
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I am a member of the Kolbe Prison Ministries and had scheduled to visit our brothers in prison on Saturday, August 14, 2021. I committed to it in July.
As our children prepared to resume school in Fall for the new school year, we also started receiving their calendar of activities. The first parent empowerment forum for John’s school was also scheduled for the same day as my prison visit. I was in a dilemma but thank God for His grace that gave me the answer. I went plain to John.
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While driving from John’s scouting activity to the barbershop, he said:
“Dad, I have a question.”
Me: “Go on.”
John: “I have asked mom this question before, but she’s not been able to answer it to make me understand. Why are we not allowed to sleep over in our friends’ houses?”
Me: “There are several reasons.
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It’s one of those dragging mornings again with Ofu, my self-declared “not-a-morning-person” son. And yes, Sweetheart and I have had several burnouts with him.
Ofu prefers to share bathrooms with us instead of with his siblings. So, his towel and toiletries are in our bathroom. When he woke this morning, he went into our bathroom, stayed there for a while, then left and went to the game room and started playing on his device. I was already awake and even had been out of bed but came back to bed to rest a little. Sweetheart was in the kitchen; an eavesdrop away from our bedroom and bathroom. We didn’t hear him run the water to brush his teeth.
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“I didn’t grow up having that kind of relationship with my father.”
“Every lady wants to be complimented.”
The first of the above was a lady’s response to what I thought should have been an endearing moment between a father and his daughter. Immediately, I perceived a relationship gap!
The second was another lady’s remark after receiving a compliment. To me, that highlighted the need for affirmation.
Hopefully, I wasn’t being stereotypical, but as a reflective learner, statements like those stimulate my thoughts. Quickly, the primary person that comes to my mind is, Agbenu, my daughter. Because she is still in her formative years, and I am the number one man to train and affirm her.
I believe that a father’s affirmation is more powerful and of a lasting effect than a husband’s or boyfriend’s affirmation. This is because fathers are their daughter’s, first love. How do I affirm my daughter? Here are some ways I do so...
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This is one of those times that, as a parent, I do more of the talking. Sweetheart and I were going to drop John off at his First Homecoming. Sweetheart had earlier "occupied the passenger seat" and said this final pep talk (if you like) will be mine to handle. So, I took the driver seat and began:
"Remember all our conversations about relationships with girls. The number one thing they need from a guy is protection. Do not do anything that will disrespect her (his date)."
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I Told Him That He's Perfect Just The Way He Is.
On our way to dropping Ofu in school this morning, I asked about his friend (name withheld for privacy), whom I last remembered was yet to resume this school year.
Ofu: "I think he must have left Holmsley."
Me: "Really? Why?"
Ofu: "He felt unsafe because they called him..."
Me: "Oh no. That's not nice and, it must have hurt his feelings."
Ofu: "Yes. It did."
Me: "What did you do to help him?"
Ofu: "I talked with him. I told him that; I don't think he... I told him that he's perfect just the way he is."
Me: "I'm so proud of you for saying so. I know that God is proud of you too and, you made Jesus smile. I'm sure that must have made your friend feel better."
Ofu: "Mmhmm."
Me: "That was so good. So, who's the man?"
Ofu: "I am."
Me: "Who's the champion?"
Ofu: "I am."
Me: "Who's the winner?"
Ofu: "I am."
That's one of our pep talks to motivate him for school.
Me: "Do you know that you are a superhero?"
Ofu: "Me?"
Me: "Yes, you. Superheroes help people who are in trouble or have a need. That's what you have been doing. Remember your friend whose junior brother you looked after in camp in camp?"
Ofu: "Yes."
Me: "You were his superhero when he got bullied and, you comforted him. And you were a superhero to your friend by saying those nice things to him."
Soon afterward, it was our turn at the car line, we exchanged love, and he got out of the car.
When he returned from school, I picked him up from the bus stop. As we walked home, he said:
"My friend's sibling (a different one - name and gender withheld) was having a bad day on the bus, and we took turns to take care of the situation."
Me: "Wow! You and your friend?"
Ofu: "Yes."
Me: "Awesome! What did you guys do?"
Ofu: "Well, we talked to them, and it made them feel better."
Me: Woohoo! You have been on a roll of being a superhero! Good job! You have done two things that make God very proud of you. I'll show what they are from the Bible during our bedtime prayer."
Ofu: "Ok."
Me: "Good. Now, go and rest and have fun."
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. - Psalm 139:14.
He may or may not have come across this scripture, but Ofu gets it and, in turn, applies it to his bullied friend. I can't wait to share it with him that he may own it.
Ofu has had his fair share of "bad" days like we all do and has received comfort, so he extends the same comfort to his friend's sibling.
So
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. - 2 Corinthians 1:3-4.
Isn't it amazing what we can learn about our children when we ask them non-threatening questions about happenings in their lives?
9/7/2021
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Sweetheart had an early morning appointment, so she woke early and left. So, I did morning devotions by myself and, this is not unusual depending on our schedules. When I get home from work very late at night, I tend to sleep a little longer into the morning if I don’t have an early appointment. If Sweetheart has an early appointment on one of those mornings then, I get to do morning devotions by myself and vice versa. So, I say all that just to say Sweetheart and I pray together, but it’s not always possible. Okay (laugh).
So after my morning devotion, I went ahead and made our bed. It’s a treat for Sweetheart; every time I get a chance to make our bed. She loves well-made beds, and she says she likes the finesse and precision with which I make our bed. Well, for me, that’s an itsy-bitsy thing to impress my woman with, so why not!
So, while I prayed and afterward made our bed, our children woke up and were in the kitchen. I overheard them discussing the breakfast options to make for themselves. So, I came out, and we exchanged greetings. Still, in the excitement of seeing each other, I said:
“Hey, guys, I need to show you something in my room real quick.”
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After I published my book, Diary of Fatherhood (Series One), someone asked me why I didn’t include my wife’s stories in it. Well, I responded by with, “if I did, then it would no longer be a fatherhood but, a parenting journal.” That is not to minimize the influence of Sweetheart on our joint parenting adventure or even on my fatherhood journey. If anything, she probably has more stories to share than I do because she spends more time with our children than I do. I just deliberately choose to tell my stories from a father’s perspective, although the insights that I share are applicable to both parents.
So, why did I say all that? I said all that to give a background to the story that I’m about to share. It’s Sweetheart’s story. I’m not directly involved in it, but I come in to help Sweetheart see a refreshing perspective, after the fact.
Recently, Agbenu completed a Girl Scouts project and was required to turn in her report. Her troop leaders intended to compile her report along with those of her troop members into a combined presentation slides. Rather than turn in just her report, she created a presentation with animations, background music, and other visual effects, then gave it to Sweetheart for submission.
Upon receipt of Agbenu’s presentation, her troop leaders called Sweetheart and overwhelmed her with an appreciation for such a beautiful presentation. According to Sweetheart, the leaders said, they have adopted “her” slide presentation as the framework for the troop’s overall presentation, and that she made it all easy for them.
Sweetheart said she was smiling and acknowledging their feedback but before she could respond, Agbenu appeared on the scene and said: “Mom, please I want to take the credit for my work. Please tell them that I did it.”
So, Sweetheart relayed Agbenu’s message to her troop leaders, who were pleasantly tickled. After enjoying the humor with Agbenu’s troop leaders, Sweetheart allowed them to appreciate her directly. They then took turns and praised Agbenu, who I was told exuded elation.
When I got home, Sweetheart was exuberant and told me about the encounter.
Sweetheart: “It was so cute and I couldn’t wait to share it with you.”
Me: “Yes, that was adorable! I’m glad that you saw it that way and didn’t feel disrespected.”
Sweetheart: “No. We enjoyed it and really had a good laugh.”
Me: “Good. But beyond the humor, isn’t that what we pray for, for our children? We want them to be assertive and speak up for themselves. I am thrilled by her confidence. Isn’t that what Girl Scouts is also equipping her for? Do you remember her green Girl Scouts confidence t-shirt?”
Sweetheart: “Oh, yeah! We were busy enjoying the humor and I didn’t even think about it from this perspective. Thank you!” Me: “Sure! Mama!” (I called Agbenu) From the game room:
Agbenu: “Coming, daddy!” Me: “Mom, just told me about how you spoke up and demanded to take the credit for your Girl Scouts project. I am so proud of you for saying so. That’s what we want for you. If you are confident in speaking up for yourself with me and mom, then you can do so with anybody. Don’t let anyone take what belongs to you without speaking out, or let anyone talk you down. Come here, let me give you a hug!”
She beamed with a smile as we hugged.
Agbenu: “Thank you, daddy.” Me: “Sure!”
Then she hugged Sweetheart...
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Ofu received an Xbox gift card as one of his birthday gifts. He accidentally destroyed some parts of the code while scratching off the cover with scissors.
I noticed that he walked away sadly to his room and asked what was wrong. Then he told me what happened. I empathized with him and said that I will try to fix it.
I called Microsoft customer support but, it was past their business hours. Fortunately, they have 24 hours online chat assistance, so I got on with them. For verification, they requested pictures of the front and back of the damaged gift card with the reference number they provided written on both sides. They also requested a picture of the purchase receipt with the reference number on it.
Again, fortunately, we were able to trace the giver of the card and, they still had the receipt. They wrote the reference number on it and sent a picture of it to me. Then I uploaded all three pictures onto a website which the support agent provided me via a secured link.
Once they received the pictures, they asked me to verify Ofu’s account information, which I did. Next, they said to confirm his account by providing the verification code which was sent to the email address on his file. At this point, we became trapped because Ofu didn’t remember his password. So, John swung into action, and bam, he retrieved the password. Quickly, he logged into Ofu’s email, found the verification code, and then I confirmed it to the agent.
They did their best to retrieve the code but could not, so instead, they credited Ofu’s account with the amount on the gift card. Then I told Ofu to go and refresh his account and check his balance. As soon as he did and saw the money in his account, he gently dropped his remote control, walked over to me, and gave me the strongest hug I’ve ever known from him. He held tight on to me for a while and soaked it in. When he was satisfied, he breathed a sigh of relief and said, “thank you, daddy!” It was equally therapeutic for me as I hugged him in return and patted his back. Then I said:
“That’s what dads do. That’s what men do. That’s what boys. That’s what guys do…”
Then John chipped in:
“That’s what brothers do.”
Me: “Exactly, that’s what we do. We solve problems.”
Before contacting Microsoft support, I had made up my mind to replace it for him if unsuccessful in retrieving the code, so I stayed calm and reassured him intermittently that it was going to be solved. I believe that parents are endowed with wisdom and the ability to remain calm in the heat of the moment. But if not properly honed and they give in to worrying, then their children cannot enjoy their wisdom and knowledge. This can be mirrored to their children, who will, in turn, be concerned about their “worrying parents.” So, when life takes a downturn, rather than consult with their parents, they may turn to others because they are avoiding “bothering” their parents. That can be an implication of being a worrying parent.
I’m not suggesting in any way that parents have answers to all life issues. When their concerns are beyond our wisdom and knowledge, we should know enough to refer them first to God, “Infinite Intelligence,” and His providence as tools for solving problems.
Fellow parents, as we live and pray for long life, let the goal be to remain productive and relevant, and not just to be alive for the sake of it. One way doing so is to model calmness and resilience during crisis, which will, in turn, enable our ability for creative problem-solving
Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? - Matthew 6:27.
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On our way back home from Agbenu and Ofu’s swimming lesson, I asked about their progress.
Agbenu: “It’s going ok but today I noticed that I need to beat with the whole of my legs not just my feet.”
Me: “Ok. Ofu, how about you?”
Ofu: “Good. My speed is getting better with my front strokes. But I did something bad with my backstroke.”
Me: “What happened?”
Ofu: “My belly was under the water and it has to be above the water.”
Me: “Ok. What else?”
Agbenu: “That’s it, pretty much “
Ofu: “That’s it.”
Me: “Papi (Ofu), you didn’t do anything bad. The fancy way to say it is opportunities for improvement. If that is too fancy, then you can say areas for improvement. If that way is too fancy, you can say ‘the thing that I need to do better next time is to keep my belly above the water.’ Ok?”
Ofu: “Ok.” (A man of few words)
Me: “Yeah. I say so because next time you’re going to work on it. Right?”
Ofu: “Yes.”
Me: “Good. So, it shows you what you need to do to improve your swimming. That’s why I said you didn’t do anything bad. Do you now understand why?”
Ofu: “Yes.”
Me: “Awesome! And this is not for just swimming but for anything that you’re learning. Ok?”
Ofu: “Ok.”
Me: “So do you guys know what to do next time or do we need to discuss it with your instructor?”
Agbenu: “Yes. But it’s just that we had a substitute instructor today. She did give me a tip though. Our main instructor is on vacation. She’ll be back next week, so everything should back to normal.”
Me: “Cool. How about you, Ofu?”
Ofu: “I got it.”
Me: “Cool. And you can continue to practice at our community pool.”
Agbenu: “Yeah. That’s my plan.”
Ofu: “Me too.”
Me: “Awesome. You got this!”
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- Are you building a legacy on the heritage you received?
- Are you wasting the heritage you received by not building a legacy on it?
- Are you building a fresh legacy despite not receiving a heritage?
- Are you not building a legacy because you didn't receive a heritage, thus propagating the vicious cycle?
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On our way to John’s swimming class, we drove for a while in silence then I got a hunch to ask him how things were going with him.
You know, men are wired to carry on silently in each other’s company without much chit-chatting, yet no threat will be posed to their relationship. That was the mood I perceived initially as we drove on. However, I couldn’t resist the urge to ask him the question.
Me: “So what’s been going on with you?”
John: “Hm?”
It was an open-ended question in which he didn’t know my aim. So, I understood his reaction was meant to keep him on the alert.
Me: “…as in your schoolwork, friends, or anything that you’d like to share or talk about with me.”
After reassuring him of safety, his sense of assurance and clarity became evident in his more relaxed demeanor and smile.
His leading statement was:
“I don’t know what your, and mom’s position is, about…” Then he bore his mind.
Now, I must use my discretion here to conceal the details of our conversation. It is meant to protect his confidentiality so that we can continue to enjoy a trusting relationship. I must maintain my number one job of being his father and not just collecting information for my journal. I hope you understand. However, I will do my best to give you a general idea of the theme and then share my insights, which will help to close the loop.
It was such a joy that he still feels safe to open up to me the way he did. We talked about everything from academics, extracurricular activities – athletics and Scouting to relationships with boys and girls. As an adolescent, relationships were the highlight and we spent some time on it.
I helped him to understand the factors of enjoyment and having values, are necessary for healthy relationships. I told him that people in a relationship should enjoy certain things together but not all things, and that’s what makes it fun.
But beyond enjoyment, everyone in a relationship should have values. It is our values that dictate how we behave. I used excellence as an example of values. If a person values excellence, they will work diligently in everything they do to get excellent results. And I told him that this is not about perfection but about putting in our best efforts.
Then we talked about peer pressure (both positive and negative). I reminded him of how he and his friends influenced each other to use good hygiene practices, which he shared with me and Sweetheart in the past (it was a relief for me and Sweetheart when he told us because being noticed by peers helped him to own his hygiene, which mom and dad stayed on him for a while). Next, we talked about negative peer pressure which can influence him into early sex, alcohol, and drug abuse. I told him that in either case, his values will help to develop and uphold the effects of positive peer pressure and resist the effects of negative peer pressure.
As a male adolescent, relating with girls was a major highlight of our conversation. I reminded him of our previous conversations about how to enjoy trusting relationships with girls...
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Hi!
I have truly enjoyed sharing my fatherhood values with you over the past few days. If you have equally enjoyed the emails, you will now begin to receive them once a week or periodically.
I'm excited that I will be exploring the world of intentional parenting with you. It's going to be a joint exploration because it is meant to be a dialogue and not a monologue. So, moving forward, you will be pivoted into getting emails of my actual blog posts and exciting products.
Again, welcome to my Diary of Fatherhood at your fingertips right here. Please feel free to comment, like, and/or share so that your loved ones and friends can join our community of intentional parenting. On the other hand, Diary of Fatherhood (Series One), the first book compilation of my journals is available for convenience. Click here to get it.
I look forward to chatting with you soon.
Your Partner in Intentional Parenting,
Joseph.
P.S. Did you know that the first Diary of Fatherhood book is available now? Click here to get it.
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Hi!
I truly appreciate your commitment to taking this tour with me. Welcome to the final day of introduction to my Diary of Fatherhood. Today, I will be sharing with you my fatherhood philosophy of "Being a Provider."
Honestly, I did not think that I needed to include "being a provider" as one of the values of my fatherhood. I assumed that fathers are meant to be providers and providing for their children should naturally follow. Therefore, I imagined that it will only amount to stating the obvious if I included it.
Well, an influencer "convinced" me to include it because not all fathers play the role of providers and that it shouldn't be taken for granted. I racked my brain to see if I wrote a specific post about providing for my family and children, but I couldn't find any. However, that's not to say that I don't rise to the occasion. I do so within my resources and somehow it is implied in my journal.
However, below are two links to posts that I believe indicate that I cherish being a providing father. Please click here, here, or on each link title below to view the post. The first alludes to material provision while the second indicates nonmaterial provision (safety in this case).
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Dad, I Wish You Had Two Jobs.
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Caution! Don’t Be Too Eager To Share Your Fatherhood Experience So That You Neglect To Be A Father!
Please feel free to comment, like, and/or share so that your loved ones and friends can join our community of intentional parenting. On the other hand, Diary of Fatherhood (Series One), the first book compilation of my journals is available for convenience. Click here to get it.
I look forward to chatting with you tomorrow.
Your Partner in Intentional Parenting,
Joseph.
P.S. Did you know that the first Diary of Fatherhood book is available now? Click here to get it.
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Hi!
I am extremely delighted that you are still here with me. Welcome to Day Five of introduction to my Diary of Fatherhood. Today, I will be sharing with you my fatherhood philosophy of "Valuing Relationships Over Performance."
Please let me ask you these questions:
- Have you ever doubted yourself?
- Have you ever been afraid to dare?
I don't know about you, but I have.
I think several factors may contribute to self-doubt, failing to dare, and even the fear of rejection. I'd like to focus on the underlying factor that resonates with me from a parenting perspective. I think it is the harsh implications of failure or underperformance. To help our children to meet standards or our expectations, we sometimes push them too hard without grace. So, when they think of the consequences of making a mistake or failing, they rather stop attempting.
There is one of my children who used to ask questions about little or no risk mundane things like "how long to warm up pancakes (for instance) in the microwave oven." This is after I have explained that generally, they should read the instructions on the package or just incrementally heat their foods in 30-seconds spans. I get triggered to think that they are afraid of getting it wrong for fear of consequences.
What can happen over time is that they can become withdrawn into themselves resulting in the loss of healthy relationships. So being mindful of this, I chose to value relationships over performance as a general principle. Whenever I mess up, I apologize. When I must discipline, I do so with grace. I aim to ensure that my children and I maintain a good relationship. It is from a healthy relationship that everything else can flow out, such as training, discipline, mutual respect, taking ownership of responsibilities, etc., all founded on love.
As you read my blogs, you will discover the underlying theme of relationship building without necessarily hearing it loudly, but it is palpable in between the lines. Here are a few that stand out for me.
Click here, here, or on the link titles below to view examples of my choosing reconciliation of relationship after I overreacted to simple mishaps.
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Dad, But I Was Only Trying To Help…
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Dad, I’ve Never Seen You Talk Like That Before.
While striving to maintain a healthy relationship it should not be mistaken for compromising standards or accepting mediocrity. There must be a balance. Click here or on the link title below for a post that depicts this position.
- Dad, But I Got An ‘A’ On The Math Test.
My goal is to be able to discipline them appropriately while they still feel loved by me. My goal for them is that they should be able to respectfully question me if I act outside the norm.
Please feel free to comment, like, and/or share so that your loved ones and friends can join our community of intentional parenting. On the other hand, Diary of Fatherhood (Series One), the first book compilation of my journals is available for convenience. Click here to get it.
I look forward to chatting with you tomorrow.
Your Partner in Intentional Parenting,
Joseph.
Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/diary-of-fatherhood/message
Hi!
I am excited that you are here again. Welcome to Day Four of introduction to my Diary of Fatherhood. Today, I will be sharing with you my fatherhood philosophy of "Dialogue."
Dialogue is one of the principles that drive my fatherhood experience.
The overall theme of Dairy of Fatherhood is conversational. The insights that I share mainly stem from the dialogue with my children. Hardly, there be a situation where I pounce information on them out of my own accord. It is heart-to-heart, information-exchanging, fueled by curiosity, and usually spontaneous. Because it mostly happens impulsively, that's the reason why I aim to be present and listen intentionally, which are other values that guide my fatherhood journey. Please refer to Day One and Day Three introductory emails (Being Present and Intentional Listening). For now, here are examples of my principle of dialogue on display. Click here, here, or on the link titles below for:
· Mom, What Is Breast Cancer Again?
· Dad, Oche Is Not Being A Big Brother To Me.
Please feel free to comment, like, and/or share so that your loved ones and friends can join our community of intentional parenting. On the other hand, Diary of Fatherhood (Series One), the first book compilation of my journals is available, for convenience. Click here to get it.
I look forward to chatting with you tomorrow.
Your Partner in Intentional Parenting,
Joseph.
P.S. Did you know that the first Diary of Fatherhood book is available now? Click hereto get it.
Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/diary-of-fatherhood/message
Hi!
Thank you for staying with me as I give you this mind tour of my fatherhood principles. Today is Day Three and I want to share with you another philosophy called Intentional Listening.
Have you ever imagined that all is well with somebody just because you asked them a question that is structured to generate a positive response? Some examples of such questions are:
· "Did you have a good day?"
· "What was the best part of your day, school, work, etc.?"
· "Was it fun?"
For the most part, you can expect to receive an affirmative answer. By default, we all want to hear the good stuff, and based on that, we tend to conclude the well-being of the person. Of course, it is always great to receive positive feedback and it should be the place to start. However, that does not present the whole picture of what's going on with the person.
When my children return from school, I ask them how their day went and their reply is usually, "good." Then I'll give positive affirmations because everything is all good. However, I learned over time that their whole being was beyond well-being to include concerns that I may not catch superficially. With probing and watching for leads I listened more intentionally, and that's when I came down to their lows. Subsequently, I began to recognize and acknowledge their deep concerns, resulting in deeper relationships and clarity on issues.
To get a flavor of how intentional listening is one of my values, click here, hereor the link titles below to read my stories.
· I Wanted To Make New Friends But They Didn’t Want To Play With Me.
· Dad, My Pee-Pee Hurts!… But Girls Don’t Have Pee-Pee.
Please feel free to comment, like, and/or share so that your loved ones and friends can join our community of intentional parenting. On the other hand, Diary of Fatherhood (Series One), the first book compilation of my journals is available for convenience. Click hereto get it.
I look forward to chatting with you tomorrow.
Your Partner in Intentional Parenting,
Joseph.
P.S. Did you know that the first Diary of Fatherhood book is available now? Click hereto get it.
Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/diary-of-fatherhood/message
Hi!
I am pleased to welcome you to Day Two of introduction to my Diary of Fatherhood. Today, I will be sharing with you my fatherhood philosophy of "Creating a Safe Environment."
I believe that one of the best gifts that can be offered in a relationship is to be vulnerable with each other. I said that to a friend some time ago, and they debunked it strongly, claiming that they cannot let down their guards because of the fear of being hurt. I tried to explain my position, but they were not open. So, I let it be, understanding with them about their closed stance because of their history.
On the other hand, I believe that the privilege of being exposed to someone else's vulnerability comes with a great responsibility on our part which is to assure them of safety. Without safety from us, it will be very difficult for those who relate with us to open up their hearts to us.
This is a core cornerstone of our (me and Sweetheart) parenting. We assure and reassure our children that it is safe for them to talk to us about anything and safe to ask any question.
Here are a few link titles to some of my blogs that depict the principle of operating in a safe environment.
• Dad, Is Sex The Same As...?
• My Best Friend Says, She Likes Me And I Don't Know What To Do.
• Helping My Daughter To Deal With Crush.
Please feel free to comment, like, and/or share so that your loved ones and friends can join our community of intentional parenting. On the other hand, Diary of Fatherhood (Series One), the first book compilation of my journals is available for convenience. Click here to get it.
I look forward to chatting with you tomorrow.
Your Partner in Intentional Parenting,
Joseph.
P.S. Did you know that the first Diary of Fatherhood book is available now? Click hereto get it.
Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/diary-of-fatherhood/message
Hi!
Thank you for coming back and welcome to Day One of introduction to my Diary of Fatherhood. Today, I will be sharing with you my fatherhood philosophy of "Being Present."
Please consider the following questions.
· "Dad, will you be tucking us into bed tonight?"
· "Dad, did you check on us last night?"
· "You're off, today right?" Or "So what are we doing on your next off day?"
· "Dad, are you listening at all?"
Or statements like:
· "Dad, I need to tell you something."
· "Dad, I want to lie down on your chest."
· "I came because I wanted to spend time with you."
Or even in a single day
· Join your son for the distribution of flyers for food drive by his scouts' troop
· Play catch in the front yard with your other son
· And later accompany your daughter for a bike ride in the neighborhood.
Just to mention a few... As you consider the above questions, statements, and events, what was the theme that was running through your mind? For me, it's the importance of being present for my children.
For the most part, I know that I'm into something good for my children, and that's why they look forward to being with me. One of the questions shows that I wasn't engaging even though I was physically present, and it was used to call for my 100% presence and attention.
When I'm physically available, I do my best to be fully engaging. When I'm at a remote place, I do my best to be alert and mentally available. In either case, I must be emotionally connected with my children. It is from being present that things happen. I'm present not necessarily because we have a special moment planned but I'm present because every moment is special, even if nothing special is happening.
Typical examples of how my being present is mutually valuable to me and my children can be seen in the following posts. To read, please click here, here, or on the link titles below.
• Snoozing In With Dad.
• I Came Because I Wanted To Spend Time With You.
Please feel free to comment, like, and/or share so that your loved ones and friends can join our community of intentional parenting. On the other hand, Diary of Fatherhood (Series One), the first book compilation of my journals is available for convenience. Click here to get it.
I look forward to chatting with you tomorrow.
Your Partner in Intentional Parenting,
Joseph.
P.S. Did you know that the first Diary of Fatherhood book is available now? Click here to get it.
Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/diary-of-fatherhood/message
Hi!
It’s Joseph, from Diary of Fatherhood.
Thanks for signing up today. I’m excited to get to know you and introduce you to my blog and book series!
Over the next few days, I want to share my fatherhood philosophy with you. Then subsequently, I will be sharing my experience with you through weekly or periodic blog posts.
Like I said, in the "About Diary of Fatherhood" episode or on my "About Me" page, I am not a parenting expert, but I am an expert in my story. And that’s what I am going to share with you.
Many people tell me they find inspiration by reading the simple stories of my everyday experiences.
Some people say they’ve had transformations in their relationships after reading how I interpret and handle interactions with my family.
So, I want to welcome you into my world of intentional parenting. If something in my story resonates with you, please hit reply and let me know.
This is meant to be a conversation and not a monologue. Please, feel free to comment, like, and share so we can continue to have engaging discussions about parenting from diverse perspectives.
Talk to you tomorrow.
Your Partner in Intentional Parenting,
Joseph
P.S. Did you know that the first Diary of Fatherhood book is available now? Click hereto get it.
Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/diary-of-fatherhood/message
Hello!
Welcome to my Diary of Fatherhood! My name is Joseph Oche. My wife, Patience, and I are blessed with three children. Occasionally, I’m also blessed to be a father figure to somebody. I love being a father and welcome its challenges cheerfully. Dairy of Fatherhood is a reflective journal of some of my many lightbulb moments in the journey, birthed from my hobby of thoughtful writing. It is hinged upon open, honest, humorous, and safe communication within our family, as well as on my intentional involvement in the lives of my children. May sharing my experiences inspire you!
Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/diary-of-fatherhood/message