Brick by Brick: Recent Episodes
Terance Booker, Ed.D.
This is a podcast that discusses the intersection between faith, leadership, and psychology. Each week we will break down concepts to share bite-sized "bricks" that you can take on your journey to build your lives, businesses, and relationships! Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/living-otr/support
This episode talks about the differences in navigating the darkness with a community versus not and how to be a better neighbor to those around you. If you have kiddos, check out this book: https://a.co/d/b9n7y3T
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Failure is painful. It can be hard to process and even create feelings of doubt, depression, and loss. I have personally been feeling a strong sense of failure due to the recent loss of my job and processing how this happened and what to do next. Join me in a quick guide on how to shift your perception regarding failure to help you get on the other side of that failure to find your next success.
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Is your internal monologue friendly, calm, and encouraging, or critical and bullying? The critical inner voice is a well-integrated pattern of destructive thoughts toward ourselves and others. Where does this voice come from? What do we do to change it? Join me for today's episode to find out a few simple things to do just that! Also, check out this video The Critical Inner Voice - Whiteboard Animation
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Change is one of the most constant things that happen to us in life. Some changes are by choice, but many happen to us that we do not expect or maybe cannot even control. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross was a Swiss American psychiatrist and pioneer of studies on dying people. One of the models she is most known for is “The 5 Stages.” She identified these stages as defense mechanisms or coping mechanisms to change, loss, and/or shock. The stages were not meant to be described as linear, nor in a step-by-step manner. However, for the sake of written description, they have been laid out in the DABDA (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance) manner as it is a common path taken. Please join me as I share and process through how to think through and process change.
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We all have experienced or encountered darkness in some form in our lives. Some are created by ourselves and others happen as a matter of life's circumstances. The question becomes are we aware of the darkness? Have we been in the darkness so long that our eyes have adjusted? When we become aware, do we stay out of comfort or fear or, do we take steps to come back into the light? References:
-https://www.nami.org/Personal-Stories/My-Dark-Place -https://davidlykhim.com/transparent-communication-relationships/ - https://www.awana.org/2019/12/11/the-darkness-of-life-can-never-overcome-his-light/
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Hi friends! It has been a while. Partially, because I have been struggling to figure out what type of ideas or content to explore next. In the midst of it all, I found myself falling into the comparison trap, wanting to mimic the highlights of what success looks like for others, and battling the realities of imposture syndrome. It was then I realized that I had something to discuss with you the entire time, our fears, the dark, and the uglies. This season I want to create a safe space to explore the messiness of life through the realistic lens of negative human experiences. Life is all about valleys and peaks, but we so often talk about the peaks and aim for the peaks rather than learning to live in and through the valleys. Join me this season to understand how to build better lives despite the darkness, one brick at a time!
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Hi Friends! I wanted to commit to one final episode for Season 3: Connections to close the loop on all of what we discussed. The one area I have been pondering the most is how we continue to foster human connections in the ever-growing and changing digital world. Technology has benefits and challenges, and we as people are responsible for how we utilize these tools for our gain. In this episode, I share a few final breaks to take with us as we conclude the discussion on connection and think forward to our next topic for Season 4. See you again soon!
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I wanted to share the theme of connection from the overflow of my prayer and study time around John 15:5. In my life, a relationship with Jesus has been one of the most significant connections I have ever made. Understanding God as my source and everything he has blessed me to be a resource is a lesson and process that I have been engaging in for the past several years. I want to invite you into the discussion and potentially a relationship with Jesus as well!
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Coming off of our last discussion regarding mental health and the power of check-in, I thought adding an additional tool for supporting family, friends, colleagues, etc. through a crisis or challenging situations would be great. We all want to be helpful and supportive to the circles of people around us, but we do not always know how to navigate difficult conversations. The Ring Theory designed by Susan Silk and her friend Barry Goldman is a tool that will help us continue our quest for greater connections by knowing how to comfort in and dump out.
References:
- Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/promoting-hope-preventing-suicide/201705/ring-theory-helps-us-bring-comfort-in
- LA Times: https://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-xpm-2013-apr-07-la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407-story.html
- PsychCentral: https://psychcentral.com/health/circle-of-grief-ring-theory#how-to-support-those-grieving
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Mental health is essential. And often, we can suffer in silence or interact with a family member, friend, or colleague who is going through something in life and we do not even know it unless they share. As we continue to think about building connections and creating deeper relationships, I found value in a few discussions I had with friends that I thought would be great for you all to think through. One conversation was about mental health with men and how we often do not check in or discuss our thoughts, feelings, and emotions. The other conversation was around holding space for people to be able to share how they are feeling with thought us stepping in to problem solve, judge, or make assumptions. In today's episode, I talk through a resource from IDONTMIND called Just Checking In 10 Minutes, 10 Questions. The goal is to have us think through the power of check-ins for our mental health, the mental health of others, and the promotion of relationships centered around well-being. References: IDONTMINDhttps://idontmind.com/journal/just-checking-in-ten-minutes-ten-questions https://idontmind.com/journal/just-talk-about-ithttps://idontmind.com/journal/listen-uphttps://idontmind.com/findhelp--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/living-otr/messageSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/living-otr/support
I had the privilege of facilitating a discussion with the men's fellowship group I am a part of which one of the primary purposes of the group is to help us stay aligned with the mission of loving God and loving people. I am deeply passionate about discipleship and believe that Jesus is the most outstanding leader of all time and the way he teaches is practical and applicable. Mike Breen and his team reviewed Jesus' teaching and used scripture to extract the models, tools, and principles to create a language to build a discipling culture, one of which is called LifeShapes which are simple 'shapes' to aid us in living out our Christian. Today's episode is all about the triangle which has three dimensions: Upwards, in our relationship with God; Inwards, in our relationships with other Christians; Outwards, in our mission and relationship with the world. I am excited to be sharing this with you and look forward to hearing your thoughts about this model!
References:
Building a Discipling Culture on Amazon: https://a.co/d/dYNpR85
Micah Cobb's blog post: http://micahcobb.com/blog/mike-breens-building-a-discipling-culture-deeper-relationships-chapter-7/
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How do we develop and maintain relationships that go the distance? What makes relationships last versus those that quickly fizzle out? The answer to these questions can be found in today's exploration of understanding relational resilience. In a culture where people quickly and hastily cancel relationships rather than cultivate them, discover how to keep showing up for one another despite challenges, uncertainty, and chronic stress.
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Conflict is a normal part of all relationships. Regardless of the type of relationship you have whether personal or professional, it is important that we understand not only how to manage conflict, but how to resolve it. There is research that provides context to the implications of unresolved conflict which can include everything from bitterness, and resentment, to loss of trust. In today's episode, I elevated a few good solutions that consist of practical, agreed, and creative ways of satisfying everyone’s needs and interests when resolving conflict and methods to hone in on the skills of active listening, assertive communication, and avoiding blame.
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One phase of connection that many of us desire to reach is to go beyond surface-level engagements to develop deep relationship bonds that last a lifetime. Bonding early in our lives starting from the moment we are born and continue to throughout our life if we are lucky. The older we become it can become hard to form bonds, but not impossible. Join me in today’s episode to understand a little more about bonds and how to work on forming those deep connections even today. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app--- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/living-otr/messageSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/living-otr/support
Trust: You cannot have a healthy relationship without it. Building trust isn’t easy work. There will be times when it feels uncomfortable or intimidating. However, a foundation of trust is necessary for healthy, lasting relationships.
The American Psychological Association (APA) says trust is the “reliance on or confidence in the dependability of someone or something.” Having trust means believing someone else is consistently dependable and safe. Without these factors, interpersonal relationships cannot grow. It’s something that develops over time.
There is a plethora of research on trust, what it is, and how to build it. In today's episodes, I share six bricks to help you build trust and sustain a conviction to trust in your relationships.
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The first stop of our 2023 journey to explore connections is to discuss the elements and essentials of building rapport. Sometimes we feel that communion happens, we vibe with some people and others we don't - which to an extent is true. However, there is some sound research on building rapport and several simple steps to make building rapport more habitual. Take a journey with me during today's episode to understand more about what rapport is and how to become better at building rapport one brick at a time.
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The season we will explore human connections. BetterUp defines human connection as a deep bond that’s formed between people when they feel seen and valued. During an authentic human connection, people exchange positive energy with one another and build trust. Human connection makes you feel heard and understood and gives you a sense of belonging. Human beings are social species, wired to connect. So, how do we form connections? What do I do when I am feeling a lack of connection? Does how I was raised, the stories I tell myself, the people that I feel closet to shape the way I few connections as a whole? Join me for Brick by Brick Season 3 where we will discover together how to build greater connections one brick at a time.
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To end Season 2, I thought it would be great to talk about self-awareness. Self-awareness was first defined by Shelly Duval and Robert Wicklund (1972). The researchers proposed that people can focus their attention on themselves or the external environment around them at any given moment. We dive deeper into what that means in this episodes and I provide a few "bricks" to help you bulid a better self-awarness. Curious to know more? The iNLP Center has a free online self-awareness test created by Mike Bundrant, who has 25 years of experience as a counselor, NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) trainer, and life coach. Check it out here: https://inlpcenter.org/self-awareness-test/
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This is Part 2 of the Patterns of Thought episode. Today we talk about Intrusive Thoughts which are unwanted thoughts that can pop into our heads without warning, at any time. I share a few bricks from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) which uses four primary skill sets, Distress tolerance, Emotional regulation, Interpersonal effectiveness, Mindfulness, to enable individuals to manage their daily lives.
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This is Part 1 of the Patterns of Thought episode. Today we talk about Cognitive Distortions which are internal mental filters or biases that increase our misery, fuel our anxiety, and make us feel bad about ourselves. Our brains are continually processing lots of information. To deal with this, our brains seek shortcuts to cut down our mental burdens. Sometimes these shortcuts are helpful, yet in other circumstances — such as with these unhelpful cognitive filters — they can cause more harm than good (as defined by Harvard Health Publishing). This episode's Bricks to help you build better thinking habits:
Putting Thoughts on Trial: This is an exercise that uses CBT Theory and techniques to help you examine your irrational thoughts. You will act as a defense attorney, prosecutor, and judge all at once, providing evidence for and against irrational thought and evaluating the merit of the thought based on the evidence. http://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/putting-thoughts-on-trial.pdf Cataloging Your Inner Rules: Cognitive distortions include assumptions and rules that we hold dearly or have decided we must live by. Sometimes these are good and help us stick to our morals and values. Other times they can be limiting or frustrating. This tool helps you think more critically about your assumptions or rules that may be harmful. https://positive.b-cdn.net/wp-content/uploads/Your-Inner-Rules.pdf
References: Cognitive Distortions: 22 Examples & Worksheets (& PDF): https://positivepsychology.com/cognitive-distortions/#techniques-cognitive-distortions 10 Cognitive Distortions Identified in CBT: http://www.verywellmind.com/ten-cognitive-distortions-identified-in-cbt-22412 What Are Cognitive Distortions and How Can You Change These Thinking Patterns?: https://www.healthline.com/health/cognitive-distortions#thought-origins
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As we continue our journey exploring perception, I thought it would be nice to continue to turn inward to examine self-esteem. Self-esteem is your overall opinion of yourself — how you feel about your abilities and limitations. When you have healthy self-esteem, you feel good about yourself and see yourself as deserving of the respect of others. Other terms often used interchangeably with self-esteem include self-worth, self-regard, and self-respect. Join me through a meta reflection through questioning how we view ourselves and determine what next steps we can take to grow our confidence. Question of the week: What daily practice can you perform to boost your confidence? Join the discussion in our Brick by Brick Podcast Group on Facebook! References from this episode: What Is Self-Esteem? Self-Esteem | Psychology Today Self-esteem check: Too low or just right? What is Self-Esteem? A Psychologist Explains Esteem: Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs Self-Esteem Test
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There is a correlation between fear and the amount of power people seek. I gained some interesting insights from Robert Evans Wilson Jr. check out this article from Psychology Today to learn more!
Questions to ponder as you leave this episode:
What are your motivators?
What is your relationship with fear and power?
With this new awareness, how will you readjust to become a better human being?
JOIN the conversation on our Brick by Brick Podcast page or send in thoughts via voice messages. Details below!
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Constructive criticism? Is there such a thing? This episode explores understanding our perspectives around criticism and the implications those impressions have on us from day to day. In the end, I share a simple model to help us better navigate providing feedback that is direct, honest, and actionable. Enjoy! References: There’s No Such Thing as Constructive Criticism Maternal criticism and children’s neural responses to reward and loss How to give and take constructive criticism What Is the SBI™ Feedback Model?
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I am currently going through this study/training by the BibleProject that is breaking down the biblical pattern of exile. It discusses how exile is a part of the entire biblical storyline of how God provides a way back for humanity out of exile. This spoke to me as we are navigating through this session around the topic of perception and raises the question of how do we as Christians better live as cultural exiles? Enjoy!
Join the discussion in our Brick by Brick Facebook Group. I would love to hear your thoughts, questions, and/or reflections.
References for your learning:
BibleProject: Exile
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Continuing our journey through the concepts of perspective and perception, I wanted to stop to talk about how we can challenge our assumptions. In today's episode, I pose the questions of what are assumptions and where they come from to better help us get the ultimate space of actually challenging them through the lens of curiosity. Enjoy!
References:
The Way Things Are: How Our Assumptions Get in Our Way
The late Chris Argyris – management guru, ‘father of organizational learning’ and professor at Harvard Business School – illuminated the “invisible process” that formulates our thoughts and leads to decisions. He created a mind map illustrating how we think, known as the Ladder of Inference.
How the Brain Saves Energy: The Neural Thermostat
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I was recently listening to a podcast episode from A.R. Bernard titled Choices. In this episode, Dr. Bernard made a distinction between perception and perspective, and this stood out to me and I thought it would be great to dive deeper to learn. Together, perception and perspective determine which actions we will or will not take. Often, the two terms are used interchangeably, but these two terms differ from one another. This episode explains a few of my findings in an effort to help us learn how to pause and zoom out to see the bigger picture from a holistic point of view.
Remember to you our community I would love to hear more about your perception and perspectives. Enjoy!
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To kick off Season 2 I wanted to share a bit from Romans 12:2
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
Romans 12:2 NIV https://romans.bible/romans-12-2
Today's episode breaks down how perceptions and understanding are formed and from a biblical perspective, what can we do to align our mindset to that of Christ.
Remember to continue the conversation in our Facebook Group: Brick by Brick Podcast
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Hey Friends! So excited to be sharing more content with you all soon! Season 2 will break down different aspects of perception we will dive deeper into topics like challenging assumptions, constructive criticism, self-esteem, and so much more. I am also excited to share your new Brick by Brick Podcast Facebook Page where listeners can join the conversation, share ideas, and build community all at the same time! I hope your summer is going well and I look forward to chatting with you soon!
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Does being a Christian have any implications for how we show up at work? How do we navigate the tension of being in the world, but not of this world? What does living a life that is guided by the teaching, spirit, and leading of Jesus Christ really look like? Today's episode is one that reflects on my personal journey of how to view and live life better through a biblical lens while also being challenged by the differences in perspectives, ideologies, and frameworks that others choose to live their lives by. By the end of this episode, I hope you leave with a few questions to ponder to help you better understand what it means to follow Jesus at work, in your homes, and in your communities.
Resources from this episode:
Maylon Workplace
Gospel in Life - Tim Keller and Redeemer Presbyterian Church of NYC.
Fruitfulness on the Frontline: Making A Difference Where You Are
6M People
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We all have different ways of managing and handling conflict. Transactional analysis is a psychoanalytic theory and method of therapy wherein social interactions are analyzed to determine the ego state of the communicator as a basis for understanding behavior. In transactional analysis, the communicator is taught to alter the ego state as a way to solve emotional problems.
One model represents 3 common roles that we tend to take in an ineffective response to conflict. That model is the Karpman Drama Model first described by Stephen Karpman in the 1960s, a model of dysfunctional social interactions and illustrates a power game that involves three roles: Victim, Rescuer, and Persecutor.
Today we will discuss that model and learn how to shift to a new model by David Emerald Womeldroff called The Empowerment Dynamic (TED) which helps us set up relationships or roles that are more passionate and empowering, and can lead to a positive approach to life's challenges.
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For this episode, I wanted to share a few bricks to help you build better communication skills, specifically when it comes to arguments or disagreements. I approached this topic through the lens of understanding the art and rule of debate.
Wikipedia defines debate as followed:
Debate is a process that involves formal discourse on a particular topic, often including a moderator and audience. In a debate, arguments are put forward for often opposing viewpoints. Debates have historically occurred in public meetings, academic institutions, debate halls, coffeehouses, competitions, and legislative assemblies. The debate has also been conducted for educational and recreational purposes, usually associated with educational establishments and debating societies.
Today I invite you to examine and extract what can we learn from the debate and how can we apply this daily to build better communication brick by brick.
Resources referenced in this episode: How to Debate Ideas Productively at Work, How to Fight Fair and Have Healthy Debates with Your Partner, According to Relationship Experts, and Why Are We Yelling?
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Have you ever wondered what it really means to be a Christian? When referencing the Bible or hearing others claim this title or identity for themselves, what has been your experience with them? How does that shape how you think or feel about that person? In this episode, I will share an overview of a few of the foundational terms and scriptures to aid in your understanding of what it means to be a follower of Jesus, a disciple. I look forward to your listening and would love to hear your thoughts regarding this subject!
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We all have dreams, goals, and ambitions that we focus on throughout our lives. As we pursue those things, we will have moments when we doubt ourselves. There will be times when it feels much harder than we could have ever imagined and we will wonder if it’s time to give up on our dream. How do we know if or when that time has come? What are some things we can focus on to help us make that decision?
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I received a listener question regarding how to manage relationships during the pandemic life. I know this is a question that has been relevant over the past couple of years and is currently being examined as we think through life after the pandemic now that we know restrictions are slowly being lifted as cases are on the decline. I thought it would be great to zoom out even further to ask the question of what is the impact of relationships on our physical and mental wellbeing? How can we grow and sustain our circles to ensure we have solid boundaries and support, while also knowing when it is time to let certain relationships go. I am excited to start this discussion and invite you to share your thoughts as well by sending in your voice messages or responding to the poll! Links to resources within the podcast:
Relationships in the 21st century: the forgotten foundation of mental health and wellbeing -> What is a toxic relationship? -> You Are The Average Of The Five People You Spend The Most Time With -> Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life
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Life on Earth is hard and let's face it, amid our challenges, struggles, or hardships it can be easy to lose sight of God or even feel that He is not present with us in our valleys. Today's episode will be a discussion on what we can do to maintain a sense of peace, focus, and motivation while we are in the middle of difficult moments or even seasons. I will share a few verses of scripture and use the examples of David and Jesus as a model of faithfulness, courage, and transparency before God. Let's dig in!
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John Maxwell said it best “Leadership is influence, nothing more, nothing less.” I believe that we are all leaders of our lives and knowing that the question becomes how can we be better leaders in the day-to-day? In today’s episode, I will share 5 key traits to master in your everyday leadership!
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Everything we do in our lives starts with our thinking. A.R Bernard said it best, “the quality of your thinking determines the quality of life." Make question for you is "What is your mindset?" Are you focused on how you can grow or are you fixated on the mistakes you have made causing you not to grow? Let's dive in!
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Imagine your life as a home that you have the blueprint for and are ready to begin construction. Before we can go anywhere with the specificity of the design, everything begins with a solid foundation. In today's episode, I will share key insights from a parable told by Jesus that speaks directly to our life foundations. I hope you enjoy it!
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