Couples Counseling For Parents: Recent Episodes
Dr. Stephen Mitchell and Erin Mitchell, MACP
A show about couple relationships: how they work, why they don’t, and what you can do to fix what’s broken.
Got a question, comment, or just want to drop some encouragement? Send us a text.
In today's episode, Stephen and Erin tackle the feeling many couples experience after kids—that sinking thought that "maybe I’ll never feel truly loved or appreciated." Using the high-stress periods of pregnancy and birth as a case study, they break down how partners can lose sight of each other’s needs and how to reset that dynamic for good. If you’re ready to stop feeling stuck and start feeling connected, this episode is for you.
And don’t forget to check out their book, Too Tired to Fight, which dives even deeper into the 13 conflicts every couple needs to have—available now wherever you get your books.
Got a question, comment, or just want to drop some encouragement? Send us a text.
One of the most complex relationships to navigate for parenting partners is relationships with their parents and in-laws. What can parenting partners do to have healthy relationships with their parents/in-laws and give their kids strong relationship with grandparents? Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP answer this question and so many more in this episode.
Got a question, comment, or just want to drop some encouragement? Send us a text.
Does talking about emotions matter? We see so many couples were one partner's primary complaint is that their partner cannot talk about how they feel. Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss whether talking about emotions matters and what couples can do to resolve this conflict.
Is the preoccupied attachment style really just needy? We examine how childhood experiences shape adult relationships, focusing on preoccupied attachment. Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss what preoccupied attachment is, how it impacts a couple relationship, and how partner's can stay connected if one of them is preoccupied.
Ever wondered if an avoidant partner can truly connect emotionally? We examine how childhood experiences shape adult relationships, focusing on avoidant attachment. Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss what avoidant attachment is, how it impacts a couple relationship, and how partner's can stay connected if one of them is avoidantly attached.
There are three questions that parenting partners are asking one another every day. They might not be asking them directly but in their conflict, in their frustration, in their stress these are the questions that underline all of these interactions. Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP tell you what the questions are and how you can your partner can answer them in the affirmative for one another.
It's something most parenting partners feel but no one really talks about: Loneliness. That's right. Many parenting partners find themselves feeling lonely during the parenting years and it can be hard to talk about with your partner. This feeling of loneliness can also be an underlying factor for some of the stress, conflict, and hurt feelings parenting partners feel and have regarding one another. Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP talk about their own experience of Loneliness as parenting partners and what you and your partner can do to address this silent issue.
If your partner has ever been pregnant. If you have ever had a partner in the postpartum phase of parenting. If you are a parent period. You need to hear this! Being aware of the impact of pregnancy and postpartum on your partner's body matters. Even if you are beyond this phase of your parenting journey, it matters! Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP help you understand "why?" in this weeks episode.
No one likes having the default parent conversation because it typically ends up in both partners getting frustrated and going to their separate corners. Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell MACP help you understand how to have the conversation differently and in a way that will actually change your couple relationship for the better.
Have you ever caught yourself wondering how the spark you once had with your partner could disappear so fast? Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss how the "little" moments of everyday parenting life can lead to disconnection, and how these "little" moments can also be what keeps you connected.
Discover a refreshing take on love and commitment as Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP sit down with Nate and Kaley Klemp, authors of "The 80/80 Marriage." https://www.8080marriage.com/
We hear it all the time, "My partner cares more about their job than our family." Or "My partner's job gets the best parts of them and we get what's left over at home." Work is something that happens everyday and is big source of conflict and hurt in parenting partner relationships. Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP offer a two step process for how couples can discuss work, family life, and staying connected as partners through it all.
What do you do when you think your partner's mental health is negatively impacting your family? How do you bring it up? What if your partner dismisses your concerns? Join Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP as we shed light on the profound impact that conditions such as anxiety, depression, ADHD, and unresolved trauma can have on a family. This episode is an invitation to acknowledge, address, and approach these struggles with the compassion and awareness they deserve, ensuring that these issues don't remain in the shadows to disrupt the harmony at home.
Every relationship faces the siege of stress, but how we navigate through this inevitable reality makes all the difference. Imagine this case example: Josh, retreating into his shell under the pressure of life's stress, leaves Lindsay spinning plates to maintain the family's harmony. Their story may sound familiar, and we're peeling back the layers to discover why Josh's withdrawal and Lindsay's increasing load brew the perfect storm of miscommunication.
Listen along as Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP guide you through the choppy waters of coping with stress and the burden it places on our partners, you'll gain insights into the silent battles that many couples face and how to navigate them with grace and understanding.
Every parenting partnership has its struggles, but when ADHD is in the mix, it's like navigating an intricate dance of dopamine, interest, and misunderstanding. Katy Weber shares her wisdom on fostering teamwork in a couple relationship impacted by ADHD and reframing ADHD as a joint adventure rather than a solitary battle.
Join Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP as they talk with Katy about this unique and challenging couple dynamic and share some of their own story about being impacted by ADHD symptoms in their parenting partner relationship.
Feeling like you're paddling a two-person canoe alone can be exhausting, but it's a situation commonly felt in parenting partner relationships. Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss how this dynamic happens in parenting partner relationships and how parenting partners can start paddling the canoe together.
On our latest podcast, we're joined by Rachel and Marley Shepard -Ohta from HeySleepyBaby, who share their experience navigating the wild ride that is understanding kids and sleep.
Join Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP as they share this dynamic and insightful conversation with Rachel and Marley from HeySleepyBaby.
Erin Mitchell, MACP and Stephen Mitchell, PhD unwrap the complexities of parenthood and its impact on couples. We crack open the often-misunderstood narrative that children are the wrecking ball of romance, with a sprinkle of humor and personal tales like Stephen's own 'eye-opening' parenting injury.
Strap in as they navigate the seismic shift in dynamics that a new child brings, particularly focusing on the 'default parent' phenomenon. The Mitchell's candid conversation sheds light on the essential growth both partners must commit to, to preserve their connection amid the new context of being parents.
Ready to unravel the knotty issue of resentment lurking in your relationship? Today, we're stripping down and tackling this common, yet often unspoken, issue that silently strains and stresses many parenting partner relationships.
In our candid conversation, we shed light on how resentment can spring from significant life decisions and disagreements such as having children or choosing a school. We reveal how such resentment can stem from feeling unheard or when one partner’s desires are not fulfilled. Furthermore, we delve into the reality of how this bitter emotion can manifest and create a rift between couples, affecting your happiness and peace. So, whether you're dealing with resentment or you're trying to barricade it from encroaching on your relationship, tune in as Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP help you resolve resentment in your partner relationship.
Ever feel a strange sense of relief when your partner is not around and you're handling the parenting duties solo? Let's be real, it's not uncommon. Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss how partners can talk about this sensitive topic in a way that brings understanding and connection.
Who says setting boundaries with in-laws and extended family has to be a negative experience? Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP tell you how boundary setting can foster healthier interactions within your couple relationship and your relationship with extended family.
The way you parent can indeed influence your partner's feelings towards you, and the level of connection you feel as parenting partners. Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss why how you parent is so important to your couple relationship and feeling connected as a couple.
Talking with your partner about being the default parent is one of the most challenging conversations for any couple! At the same time the non-default parent can feel like they are trying to do more than be a "helper" but feel like their partner is micro-managing how they parent. How can parenting partner's have this conversation in a way that brings resolution. Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP have the solution. Listen and find out.
Sometimes being in a couple relationship and being parents just feels so hard!! Why does parenting introduce a new level of hard into couple relationships. Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP tell you why.
One of the most talked about conflicts we see with couples is how to balance the roles and responsibilities between a partner that works full-time and a partner that stays at home full-time. Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP offer a solution to this conflict.
Parenting partner conflict happens and many times couples focus on the wrong thing when they disagree. What are parenting partners really fighting about? Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell MACP give you the reason behind every parenting partner conflict and the "how to" fix it.
One of the keys to effective partner communication is knowing how you have been impacted by your home environment (positively and negatively). Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss why this matters and how knowing the impact of your past can free you to have the future you want as a couple and family.
Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP address how couples can talk to one another about the recent school shootings in Denver and Nashville and how to talk with kids about these events.
We hear it a lot from couples: "My partner did this and made me feel..." Can we make our partner's feel a certain way? Are we responsible for our own feelings? Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell MACP tackle these questions in this weeks show.
Want to stop having a dead end dialogue about the mental load? Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP talk about the mental load because the mental load is always present and often tough to talk about as parenting partners. Here is a way to never have the same old conversation again and actually get somewhere as a couple on this topic.
Disconnection is normal in every parenting partner relationship. Want to know how to make feeling connected normal too? Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP will tell you how.
It is not uncommon for parents to be critical of one another's parenting. Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss what might be behind some of the challenges we face as parents and how talk with one another about them.
The Cycle of Disappointment and Disengagement is one of the most common cycles in parenting partner relationships. Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss how to break this cycle in parenting partner relationships.
Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss how parenting partners can get on the same page and make the changes they both want to have a more connected relationship.
The holidays can be a wonderful time of feeling connected and together as a family. They also are stressful and many couples find that their relationship feels worn out and strained after all the festivities are over. Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss how you and your partner can come out of the holidays feeling connected.
What is an apology and why is it so hard to apologize in your parenting partner relationship? Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP give you a "cheat code" for how to apologize in your couple relationship.
If you and your partner want to stay connected and you want to build a sense of safety for your kids...You should tell more stories. Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP talk about how you and your partner can strengthen your relationship and help your kids feel safe by telling one another stories.
There are 3 mistakes that you and your partner could be making that are leading to feeling disconnected. Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss these mistakes and help couples learn how not to make them.
At some point in every parenting partner relationship a couple will face hard times. Hard times like receiving a scary diagnosis, infertility, death of a child, death of a loved one, struggling to feel at home as a parent...you name it. When these times come how can a couple make it through? Stephen Mitchell PhD and Erin Mitchell MACP give couples three things to hold onto in these moments that will help you and your partner make it.
Having couple conflict when your kids are in the same room happens as parents. Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss how couples can determine if this is a moment for modeling healthy conflict or a moment to avoid as parents.
Resentment has a stacking effect in parenting partner relationships. Over time it stacks up and leads to serious conflict and hurt. Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss how resentment stacks up in couple relationships, how to tell if it has happened in your relationship, and how to keep it from ruining your parenting partner relationship.
What we mean here is transitions like getting ready in the morning, coming back home from work or transitions that happen when you have a partner in the military who is gone frequently or travels a lot for business. However, the transition happens in your parenting partner relationship many couples find that they experience increased stress, increased conflict, challenges communicating, and struggle to feel like a parenting team. Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss how you and your partner can stay connected and stay a parenting team in the midst of life's transitions.
Being critical or feeling criticized is something every parenting partner experiences. This pattern often leads to conflicts and resentment in parenting partner relationships. Want to know how to shift this pattern? Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss how criticism can become a part of every couple relationship and how to "get rid" of it.
One of the most common struggles for parenting partners is feeling like their partner is not meeting their needs. We all have needs in relationships. How can you get your needs met in your relationship? Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss how partners can identify their needs, express their needs, and meet one another's needs.
What is the difference between reacting and responding when communicating with your partner? Is one a healthier way to communicate than the other? Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss these questions and give you some tips on how to implement healthier communication in your parenting partner relationship.
What are the silent killers in a couple relationship? Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss what the silent killers are and how to avoid them.
From in-laws to finances to work to technology, it can be hard for parenting partners to define and set healthy boundaries. What are boundaries and why is it so hard to set healthy ones? Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss the purpose of boundaries and how parenting partners can define and set healthy boundaries.
Are you tired of dead end dialogues in your parenting partner relationship? Do you keep having the same fight over and over again with nothing changing? Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP talk about how parenting partners can stop fighting and actually "get somewhere" when they disagree.
One of the most common barriers to parenting partners connecting is grief. Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP share how to cope with grief and stay connected as parenting partners.
Talking about mental load as parenting partners is one of the hardest conversations to have! Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP share their own experience of how they have unsuccessfully and successfully navigated this topic.
What do you do as parenting partners when you feel like you have lost your "spark"? Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss how couples can rediscover their spark.
This is one of the most challenging conversations for parenting partners to have without getting defensive. Parenting is hard. Parenting makes you both tired. Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss how the goal in this conversation is to understand what tired means for your partner and to try and make changes to support them.
We hear this all the time: "My partner and I can't agree about parenting styles!" Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP share how to have this conversation as a parenting team rather than parenting adversaries.
Many couples feel that they “lose” compatibility with their partner post-kids.
“We used to agree on everything…We used to want to spend time together…We used to have the same goals…Now we can’t agree on anything (parenting styles, sleep, how the kids eat, in-laws etc)…We don’t even want to be around each other we are so tired and just want to sleep…It feels like we don’t want the same things anymore.”
Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss the radical change that parenting brings to a partner relationship and how to keep discovering your compatibility as parenting partners.
What advice would you and your partner give your younger couple selves? Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell MACP discuss some of the advice couples have said they wish they knew back then. Also, they will share their personal thoughts about what advice they would share with their younger couples selves.
Parenting is chaotic and stressful. Stress is overwhelming. Overwhelmed people act overwhelmed. They shut down, numb, distract, get hyper vigilante, feel angry, spin out of control in the whirlwind of their thoughts, and generally find it difficult to connect with others. How can parenting partners navigate the day-to-day stress of parenting and still feel connected? Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP offer couples the "magic formula" for staying connected in the everyday stress of parenting.
How can parenting partners navigate the moment in their relationship when one says to the other, “I don’t think we are doing okay and I want to get some help,” and their partner responds, “We are fine, things are not that bad.”
This is not an uncommon occurrence for many parenting partners or any couple for that matter. It taps into both partner's vulnerability. Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss how this conversation can be one of connection rather than conflict.
Mother's Day is coming this weekend and for many parenting partners the day can feel a bit intimidating and potentially disappointing. What makes for a meaningful Mother's Day and how can partners make sure they make the mom to their kids feel special? Dr. Stephen Mitchell and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss the one key component needed to have a great Mother's Day.
One of the many things that changes when couples move into the parenting years is their sex life. One of the primary things that influences a couple's sex life is each partner's personality. Dr. Stephen Mitchell and Erin Mitchell, MACP talk about how being introverted or extroverted can shape parenting partners conversations about sex and how much sex they have.
Yes, for many this little phrase can be triggering for the "well" partner that hears it and triggering for the "sick" partner that says it. What is behind this simply little phrase causing so much disconnection in a parenting partner relationship? Dr. Stephen Mitchell and Erin Mitchell, MACP unpack some of the stories that might be informing this common parenting partner dynamic and offer some practical ways to stay connected when one partner says "I am feeling sick."
Parenting is a never ending river of tasks, responsibilities, worries, joy, tender moments, tears, comical exchanges etc. Parenting is constant and in the constancy of parenting many couples find themselves trying to survive the day and get to the next day. This survival mentality makes it hard to communicate and with this many things get left unsaid. These unsaid things begin to pile up and morph into resentments that emerge in passive aggressive communication. Dr. Stephen Mitchell and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss how to break this cycle of communication and connect as parenting partners.
Desire can feel elusive for many parenting partners. A couple that once felt close, passionate, and full of desire, can feel tired, alone, and unwanted within the new context of parenting. This shift is normal and happens not because the kids or your partner did something wrong, but simply because the context has changed. Dr. Stephen Mitchell and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss how couples can rediscover their desire and stay connected as parents.
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Parenting is a new endeavor for a couple. Each pregnancy, each kid bring with it scenarios and situations that are unique and uncharted territory for a couple. So, in this process of parenting both partners are going to have ideas about how to parent, make “mistakes” that they need to learn from, and have certain blindspots in their parenting that need to be brought into view. Dr. Stephen Mitchell and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss how parenting partners can collaborate with one another and offer one another feedback about what is going well and areas for growth.
The idea that everyone needs praise, affirmation, or encouragement can be counter to what our society teaches and what we learned in our own family of origin. Our culture says, "Be independent, be your own confidence." Your family of origin might have convinced you it is weak or silly to need anything from anyone. Dr. Stephen Mitchell and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss how and why every parenting partner needs encouragement and how to give it.
You've heard it and maybe you have even felt it as a parenting partner. "We are just roommates." What can couples do, especially in the first year postpartum, to stay connected. Dr. Stephen Mitchell and Erin Mitchell, MACP offer some practical steps couples can take to stay intentional about connecting as parents.
"We feel stuck!" How do you change patterns of communication in your parenting partner relationship. So many couples feel like they have the same tired conversations, the same conflicts, and end up feeling the same feelings of invalidation and frustration. Dr. Stephen Mitchell and Erin Mitchell, MACP identify 4 common patterns of stuck communication in parenting partner relationships and how to get unstuck.
Everyone copes differently with stress. But when your partner copes with stress differently it can get messy. The difference can get parenting partners in a tug of war that says, “If you would respond to stress the way I do you would feel better.” But what partners are really saying to each other is, “If you would respond to stress the way I do I would feel better.” Dr. Stephen Mitchell and Erin Mitchell, MACP address this all too common dynamic for parenting partners and give 4 tips for working through this conflict.
Parenting changes a couple's world. Yet, the change is not equitable. This is one of the most profound areas of conflict, dismissal, and pain for parenting partners. Dr. Stephen Mitchell and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss how inequity between parenting partners is real, has to be discussed for the health of the couple relationship, and how to navigate this important and ongoing conversation.
Which sounds more like you in your parenting partner relationship: My partner would love me or pay attention to my needs if they felt I was enough or my partner is always telling me that I am not doing enough in our relationship? Welcome to the Not Enough Cycle that most parenting partners find themselves circling around in. In this episode Dr. Stephen Mitchell and Erin Mitchell, MACP describe what the not enough cycle is and how parenting partners can get out of it.
How has the global pandemic impacted your parenting partner relationship? Dr. Stephen Mitchell and Erin Mitchell, MACP discuss the importance of couples understanding their stress response to the pandemic and how it has shaped their couple relationship.
It's February and many parenting partners will be thinking about Valentine's Day. Sometimes it's the special days that can bring the most pressure to meet your partner's expectations and can leave many couples disappointed when expectations are not met. However, these "big" days can simply be a reflection of how parenting partners communicate about expectations in their day-to-day. In this episode Dr. Stephen Mitchell and Erin Mitchell, MACP talk about how to discover what your expectations are, how to communicate them, and how to get out of the cycle of conflict that unmet expectations can create.
It happens all the time for parenting partners, you hear what your partner is not saying. They say, "I'm tired" you hear them say, "I'm more tired than you." Why does this happen for parenting partners and what can they do to stop hearing what their partner is not saying? In todays episode Dr. Stephen Mitchell and Erin Mitchell, MACP give parenting couples a clear strategy for actually hearing what your partner is saying.
Parenting is a massive transition and change that can stir up fears for partners. Fears about failure, losing someone you love, feeling confused, feeling alone etc. Many times couples don't know how to talk with one another about these fears because they are afraid it will sound foolish, make their partner angry, or they just don't know what to say. This can lead to a feeling of disconnection. In this episode we talk about how partners can talk with one another about their fears and stay connected.
For many parenting couples physical touch can be complex and a topic of conflict. In fact it can feel like a daily opportunity to feel rejected, abandoned, disrespected, ignored, and controlled. How does the parenting context influence touch in your couple relationship? How can you and your partner communicate respectfully and honestly about your needs related to touch?
Parenting couples are tired and stressed. How do you communicate respectfully and productively as a parenting couple when you are exhausted and stressed? This context is hard to change during the parenting years so couples have to learn to communicate in the midst of feeling tired and stressed. In this episode we give you 4 practical steps you can take to develop an "open" communication posture that can help you through the tired and stressful times, and improve your couple communication.
What happens when you hear your partner snap at your kid? Many couples find that this scenario leads to conflict and disconnection in their couple relationship. In this episode we explore some of the deeper psychological factors that are at play in this scenario and give couples practical scripts to use to reduce conflict and enhance communication.
Grandparents can be such a wonderful and vital part of your kids lives! Also, grandparents can be a significant support and help to your couple relationship. The loss of healthy, involved grandparents can be a profound grief for couples. This loss can be due to death, mental illness, distance, toxicity, conflict, etc. Whatever the reason, partners need to understand how this grief impacts them individually and their couple relationship. Without understanding, the grief can create disconnection between partners. As the holidays draw near and idyllic time with family is in every song and movie, this episode can help you and your partner navigate your story of loss. This can help you both feel understood and connected this holiday season.
The contextual pressure cooker of pregnancy and postpartum can challenge a couple's capacity for coping with stress. As each partner struggles individually with stress, they can miss their partner's experience. This can be felt in countless little moments of feeling overlooked, misunderstood, or invalidated by one another, and these little moments can grow into big feelings of resentment between partners.
How can partner's work through resentment that was birthed in pregnancy and postpartum and still impacts their relationship weeks, months, and years later?
Dr. Stephen Mitchell and Erin Mitchell, MACP have lived this experience and helped countless couples navigate resentment birthed during pregnancy and postpartum. Hear their story and what they have learned from helping other couples overcome resentment.
For more from Stephen and Erin check out their website createyourcouplestory.com and follow them on Instagram @couples.counseling.for.parents