Dates, Mates & Babies with the Vallottons: Recent Episodes

Jason and Lauren Vallotton

We’re the Vallottons, and we’re passionate about people! Every human was created for fulfilling connections in relationship and family, but it’s not always what comes easiest! We know this because of our wide range of personal experiences as well as years of working with people. So we’re going to crack open topics like dating, marriage, family and parenting to encourage, entertain and equip you for a deeply fulfilling life of relational health.

Getting engaged is exciting, but a healthy marriage starts long before the wedding day.

In this episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton unpack the conversations, decisions, and preparations that can help couples build a strong foundation before saying “I do.” From navigating family dynamics and wedding planning stress to discussing sex, finances, faith, and expectations, they share practical wisdom for engaged couples and the people who love them.

They explore why community input matters, how premarital counseling can uncover blind spots, and why competency—not just chemistry—is essential for building a thriving marriage. They also discuss the importance of developing the emotional, spiritual, and practical capacity needed to carry the weight of the life you’re asking God to give you.

Whether you’re engaged, dating seriously, or supporting someone who is, this episode offers helpful guidance for preparing for a marriage that’s built to last.

In this episode:
• The pre-engagement conversations every couple should have
• Why community input is a gift, not a threat
• Healthy ways to talk about sex before marriage
• Keeping wedding planning from damaging your relationship
• The value of premarital counseling and marriage assessments
• Navigating expectations from parents and in-laws
• Why it’s wise to spend money where you lack skills
• What couples should focus on before the wedding day
• Building confidence through competency and preparation
• Developing the load-bearing capacity needed for marriage

If you know someone who is engaged or preparing for marriage, send them this episode.

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
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Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
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BraveCo Instagram
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Jason and Lauren Vallotton sit down with their friend McKenzie Gibson, a labor and delivery nurse, to talk about something that doesn’t get discussed nearly enough: how to prepare not just for marriage, but for a full and meaningful life. In a culture that often treats singleness like a waiting room, McKenzie shares how she’s built a life marked by deep friendship, intentionality, hospitality, and purpose through her 20s and 30s.

The conversation dives into the realities of burnout, nervous system overload, and the emotional toll of high-intensity work. McKenzie opens up about recognizing her limits, stepping into a sabbatical season, and why rest can sometimes be one of the wisest choices we make rather than a sign of failure. Together, they explore the importance of building rhythms that sustain your mental, emotional, and spiritual health long before marriage or parenting enters the picture.

Jason, Lauren, and McKenzie also unpack the challenges many single adults feel inside marriage-centered communities and how to resist shrinking yourself while waiting for the next season. They talk about friendship as a calling, learning through proximity to healthy families, the power of intergenerational relationships, and why true hospitality is more about making room for people than creating a perfect environment.

In this episode:
• why preparing for a meaningful life matters as much as preparing for marriage
• recognizing burnout, nervous system overload, and emotional exhaustion
• how sabbaticals and rest can be acts of wisdom rather than quitting
• friendship as purpose, not just convenience
• learning about marriage and parenting through close community
• what real hospitality looks like beyond hosting dinners
• navigating singleness in a marriage-focused culture
• building relationships across different ages and stages of life
• practical ways to create deeper community and connection
• why availability, feedback, and intentional presence matter so much

Whether you’re single, dating, married, parenting, or somewhere in between, this conversation offers practical wisdom for building a life filled with healthy relationships, purpose, and connection.

Share this episode with a friend, leave a review if it encouraged you, and let us know: what part of building a life you love feels hardest right now?

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
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Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
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BraveCo Instagram
www.braveco.org

Episode Summary:
In this episode, hosts Jason and Lauren Vallotton tackle one of the most misunderstood (and avoided) dynamics in relationships: confrontation. They challenge the idea that healthy relationships are conflict-free and instead cast a compelling vision for becoming people who confront quickly and lovingly. Because avoiding conflict doesn’t create peace—it creates fear and chaos.

Through honest conversation and practical tools, Jason and Lauren unpack what confrontation actually is, why it feels so intimidating, and how learning to tell the truth with care can strengthen trust in marriage, parenting, friendships, and leadership. This episode is both a mindset shift and a how-to guide for navigating conflict in a way that leads to connection instead of division.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

Why the healthiest relationships aren’t the ones without conflict—but the ones that handle it well
How to reframe conflict as a leadership skill at home and in the workplace
A clear definition of confrontation as proactive truth-telling, not punishment or control
How avoiding issues or “keeping the peace” often leads to resentment and emotional escalation
A real-life story revealing how “I’m fine” can mask a deeper fear of rejection
How the “house fire” metaphor helps you identify and address conflict early
Why starting soft matters—and how harsh beginnings often lead to painful endings
How to lead with your own feelings and needs instead of accusations
The importance of staying focused on one issue at a time to avoid emotional flooding
Why emotional regulation is key before entering difficult conversations
How to listen beneath the surface complaint to uncover deeper needs
Practical ways to make repair attempts that de-escalate and restore connection

Key Takeaway:
Confrontation, when done well, isn’t something to fear—it’s one of the most powerful tools we have to build trust, intimacy, and emotional safety in every area of life.

Join the Conversation:
Have thoughts about this episode? We’d love to hear from you—share it and let us know what resonated.

If you have topics you’d like Jason and Lauren to cover, or questions for an upcoming Q&A episode, you can email them at datesmatesbabies@gmail.com !

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
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Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
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BraveCo Instagram
www.braveco.org

In this episode, Jason and Lauren explore how real maturity isn’t about getting more of what you want, but learning to loosen your grip. From parenting and marriage to grief and becoming grandparents, they unpack how surrender shapes relational health, heals fear, and builds a legacy that lasts.

Because at some point, growth looks less like striving… and more like letting go.

In this episode, the Vallotton's talk about:

the shift from becoming into surrender—and why it’s where maturity deepens
how grief and becoming young grandparents reframed legacy and freedom
why surrender isn’t a stage, but a lifelong invitation
what parenting reveals about our natural tendency toward “mine”
how maturity moves us from consuming to producing in relationships
the role of surrender in marriage, and what it looks like daily
how anxiety, control, and insecurity quietly sabotage connection
what it means to surrender without losing your voice, needs, or boundaries
why true surrender is costly—and not a carefree feeling

At the end of the day, surrender isn’t about losing your life—it’s about becoming someone who can love well, live freely, and leave something meaningful behind.

Closing question:
What do you need to surrender?

Resources:
Lauren’s upcoming memoir Past the Picket Fence
Join the list + read the prologue and first chapter:
pastthepicketfence.com

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
Facebook
Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
Jay’s Facebook
BraveCo Instagram
www.braveco.org

In the last episode of Dates, Mates & Babies, Jason and Lauren talked about honoring the one who dared to dream. But dreaming is only the beginning. In this episode, they explore the next phase of the journey: becoming.

The dream isn’t usually the problem—and the delay isn’t punishment. Often, the space between dreaming and fulfillment is where the real work happens. As Lauren says, “God cares less about giving you the dream quickly than forming you to carry it well.”

Jason and Lauren discuss the gap between desire and capacity—how desire reveals what we want, but capacity determines what we can actually sustain. From marriage to motherhood to calling, many of the things we long for require emotional, relational, and spiritual maturity that takes time to develop.

They unpack what becoming actually looks like in real life: conflict that exposes ego, responsibility that reveals control issues, feedback that surfaces insecurity, and hidden seasons where faithfulness grows without applause. As Jason shares, true maturity isn’t just about achievement—it’s about emotional regulation, humility, and consistency.

The conversation also addresses common lies we believe during seasons of growth: that we’re behind, that detours mean we missed it, or that if something were meant to be it would come easily. Instead, Jason and Lauren invite listeners to see these seasons as intentional formation, not failure.

They close with practical ways to build capacity—growing emotional resilience, staying faithful in hidden seasons, taking ownership of personal triggers, and learning to do small things consistently over time.

Because becoming isn’t about striving to be impressive. It’s about growing sturdy enough to carry the life you once dreamed about.

Resources:
Lauren’s upcoming memoir Past the Picket Fence
Join the list + read the prologue and first chapter:
pastthepicketfence.com

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
Facebook
Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
Jay’s Facebook
BraveCo Instagram
www.braveco.org

Last week, Jason and Lauren named the disorientation so many women feel in their 30s — when life doesn’t look the way they imagined. This week, they gently trace the story back to where it began.

Before there was disappointment… there was dreaming.

Lauren reminds listeners that those early dreams weren’t foolish — they were sincere. They mattered. Instead of shaming the younger version of ourselves, maybe we honor her and ask what she was really longing for.

In this episode, Jason and Lauren explore:

Why dreaming is holy — how desire often introduces you to your design.
How idealism in your 20s isn’t immaturity, but momentum.
The subtle shift from “I hope” to “I deserve” when we wait or feel disappointed.
How timelines and unspoken expectations can quietly become measuring sticks.
The internal contracts we form: “By 30 I’ll be…” “My marriage will feel like…”

You’ll walk away with practical tools to hold vision without clinging:

Separate the essence from the packaging.
Surrender the timeline, not the desire.
Ask who you need to become to carry the dream well.

This episode is tender, grounding, and hopeful — a reminder that the dreaming phase wasn’t wasted. It was forming you.

Maybe your dream didn’t die. Maybe it grew up.

Resources:
Lauren’s upcoming memoir Past the Picket Fence
Join the list + read the prologue and first chapter:
pastthepicketfence.com

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
Facebook
Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
Jay’s Facebook
BraveCo Instagram
www.braveco.org

In this deeply honest episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton talk about the quiet disorientation that can surface in your 30s — especially when life doesn’t look the way you thought it would.

They open with a vulnerable admission: you can have the life you once prayed for… and still feel unsettled inside it.

Lauren shares how her 30s revealed something unexpected — it wasn’t that she needed a better plan. She needed a different version of herself. Together, they explore how what feels like breakdown is often actually recalibration.

This episode is for the woman who has checked the boxes, carried responsibility well, made thoughtful decisions… and still feels like something doesn’t quite fit.

You are not failing. You are becoming.

IN THIS EPISODE, THEY DISCUSS:

The Disorientation No One Prepared You For | “This isn’t a breakdown. It’s a recalibration.”

Jason and Lauren unpack the “picket fence” script many of us subconsciously follow — the belief that if we do X, life will look like Y. What happens when you do the right things… and it still doesn’t feel the way you expected?

They talk about why this tension often surfaces in your 30s — when decisions carry weight, comparison gets louder, and responsibility leaves less room for fantasy.

The Three Griefs Nobody Names | “Sometimes the pain isn’t your life… it’s the funeral of the life you expected.”

Lauren gives language to three quiet griefs many women carry:

The grief of the timeline — the life you thought would have happened by now
The grief of identity — when the version of you that worked in your 20s doesn’t work anymore
The grief of outcomes — when you did the “right things” and life still got hard

Together, they gently ask the question many women haven’t stopped long enough to consider: What are you grieving that you’ve been calling “just stress”?

This conversation is tender, grounding, and full of hope. Because sometimes what feels like disorientation isn’t failure — it’s reorientation. And letting go of the dream life might be the very thing that makes room for a truer one.

If this episode resonates, share it with a friend who’s navigating her own season of becoming.

Resources:
Lauren’s upcoming memoir Past the Picket Fence
Join the list + read the prologue and first chapter:
pastthepicketfence.com

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
Facebook
Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
Jay’s Facebook
BraveCo Instagram
www.braveco.org

This episode is a live recording of Jason Vallotton’s message at Bethel Church on November 30, 2025—a raw, clarifying teaching on God’s Plan for Forming Men, shared in the context of the upcoming BraveCo Rite of Passage Event in Jacksonville February 28, 2026.

God has a blueprint for forming men who carry strength, humility, and responsibility into their homes, marriages, and work. That blueprint is both simple and demanding—formed, filled, and finished—and it unfolds through the stages of calling, testing, equipping, and commissioning.

In this message, Jason unpacks why being made from dust matters, why being filled with the Spirit is non-negotiable, and why testing isn’t punishment but refinement. Marriage becomes a mirror. Work becomes a training ground. Feedback becomes the tool that confronts ego head-on. Equipping looks like delayed gratification—showing up when you don’t feel like it, choosing peace over pride, and learning to carry responsibility without collapsing under it. Commissioning comes when failure is no longer hidden, but redeemed into testimony that helps other men walk free.

The turning point is mentorship. Jesus didn’t say, “Follow me and figure it out.” He said, “Follow me, and I will make you.” Jason brings this home through the powerful rite-of-passage story of Caleb, a young man born with club feet who completed a brutal course because a tribe refused to let him walk alone. This is the heart behind BraveCo: men formed in community, forged through challenge, and released with clarity and purpose.

This episode is a call to movement—not theory. You’ll hear a practical vision for how men can get connected, equipped, challenged, and sent, and why identity is forged best in brotherhood. Great men aren’t born. They’re built—together.

Next Steps

Subscribe so you don’t miss future conversations
Share this episode with a man who needs brotherhood
Leave a review to help others find the podcast

And we’d love to hear from you: Where are you in the journey—calling, testing, equipping, or commissioning?

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
Facebook
Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
Jay’s Facebook
BraveCo Instagram
www.braveco.org

In this episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton invite listeners into a practical and intentional conversation about preparing for the year ahead. As 2026 approaches, they challenge couples and families to move beyond vague hopes and instead position themselves to win through clarity, reflection, and aligned action. This episode is about slowing down long enough to ask the right questions—and taking ownership of what truly matters.

In This Episode: • Why having a clear plan is essential for long-term success
• How to assess whether you—and your family—are actually set up for success
• The importance of defining a target before trying to hit it
• Why reflection on the past year is a necessary step before planning the next one
• How intentional, dedicated time with a spouse creates alignment and shared vision
• Why time is the greatest investment families make—and the importance of knowing where it’s going
• The value of shared calendars and shared expectations
• How identifying the one thing to do this week can create meaningful momentum

Key Questions Jason and Lauren Encourage Listeners to Ask: • Are we living reactively, or are we intentionally aiming at something?
• Where is most of our time going—and does that reflect our priorities?
• What kind of family culture are we building right now?
• What is the one practical step that can be taken this week to move forward?

Episode Takeaway: Jason and Lauren believe that success doesn’t happen accidentally—it’s the result of clarity, alignment, and intentional investment. This episode helps listeners reflect on where they’ve been, assess where they are, and take a meaningful step toward building a healthier, more connected 2026.

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
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Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
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BraveCo Instagram
www.braveco.org

As 2025 comes to a close, Jay and Lauren sit down to reflect on a full and meaningful year—both personally and professionally. From holiday time with family, to celebrating their daughter’s engagement, to the launch of Lauren’s book, and the powerful impact of the BraveCo Rite of Passage event in Florida, this episode is an honest year-end update.

They also share what listeners can expect from the podcast in the new year—how their focus is evolving, what they’re excited to explore, and the kinds of conversations they feel most called to lead in the season ahead.

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
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Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
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BraveCo Instagram
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This week’s episode is taken from the BraveCo podcast as the Vallotton’s believe the message is SO important for the Dates, Mates, & Babies audience too!

From Jason on the BraveCo Podcast:

THE BRAVECO RITE OF PASSAGE: https://www.braveco.org/riteofpassage
As a pastor, counselor, and dad, I have watched so many young men stumble their way into manhood without a clear pathway. In this episode of the Brave Co Podcast, I break down the stages our sons move through and what it looks like to call them out of boyhood and into manhood with intention. From the “cop” phase with little kids, to mentoring teens, to coaching young men who are 18, 19, and 20 and still living at home, I share real stories from my own life and conversations I have with fathers all the time.

I talk about how to shift from controlling your son’s every move to training him to make wise decisions, carry real responsibility, and discover his God-given purpose. You will hear how my dad prepared me for puberty, identity, and independence, why I had to start fighting my own battles, and how those milestones shaped me. Then I walk you through what to do when your son wants to stay at home as an adult, how to set clear expectations, and how to stop enabling him so he can grow into a man who produces more than he consumes.

If you are a dad of a teenage or young adult son, this conversation will give you language, courage, and a practical roadmap. I also share why we created the BraveCo Rite of Passage, a 30-hour weekend where fathers and sons encounter God together, push their limits, and mark the moment a boy is called into manhood. Join us February 28 – March 1, 2026 in Jacksonville, Florida. Get all the details and grab your spot at braveco.org, and do not forget to subscribe, share this episode with another dad, and drop a comment with your biggest takeaway.

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
Facebook
Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
Jay’s Facebook
BraveCo Instagram
www.braveco.org

In this Q&A episode, Lauren and Jason tackle four raw and relatable listener questions that hit at the heart of modern relationships — from rebuilding trust to navigating intimacy, distance, and co-parenting.

In this episode, they discuss:

💔 When words cut deep:

A wife is struggling to heal after learning her husband once fantasized about other women. Though he’s showing empathy and doing the work, she can’t shake the fear of abandonment. Lauren and Jay unpack how to rebuild safety after emotional betrayal and what healing looks like when your partner’s change feels real — but your heart still hurts.

🌍 Long-distance love:

What does it take to make a relationship thrive when you’re miles apart? The Vallottons share their best tips for staying connected across distance — from setting rhythms of communication to keeping emotional intimacy alive (even when FaceTime freezes mid-sentence).

🔥 When sex becomes a struggle:

He thinks more sex will fix the problem; she feels pressured and disconnected. Lauren and Jason explore how couples can move from obligation to connection, and why true intimacy starts with emotional safety, not frequency.

👩‍👦 Co-parenting with disrespect:

A single mom is raising her son alongside a dad who doesn’t treat her with respect. She’s worried about what her son is learning from their dynamic. The Vallottons discuss how to model dignity, set boundaries, and protect your child’s sense of honor — even when the other parent won’t play fair.

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
Facebook
Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
Jay’s Facebook
BraveCo Instagram
www.braveco.org

In this episode, Lauren and Jason sit down to talk about what it really looks like to lead your family well while carrying leadership responsibilities in ministry, business, and life. Whether you’re parenting toddlers or launching teens, this conversation will help you build a home that’s healthy, connected, and grounded in vision.

They share what they learned from blending their family and why the long game of parenting matters so much. Together, the Vallottons unpack the Three C’s that have shaped their own family:

1️⃣ Culture — Build belonging through identity.

Every family has a culture. Are you building yours on purpose? Learn how to establish a shared language that gives your kids identity and belonging.

2️⃣ Consistency — Play the long game.

Family is formed through repetition, not reaction. Discover how small, faithful rhythms create stability and character over time — even when you can’t see the fruit yet.

3️⃣ Capacity — Lead from health, not hustle.

Your home doesn’t need your title; it needs your presence. Jason and Lauren share how they’ve learned to create space for rest, connection, and emotional honesty so their home stays full of life — not burnout.

Enjoy!

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
Facebook
Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
Jay’s Facebook
BraveCo Instagram
www.braveco.org

Blending a family isn’t just about making schedules work or learning each other’s habits. It’s about entering into an already-formed culture — one that existed before you. For the stepparent, that often means grieving what you imagined family life would look like, while choosing to restrain yourself from immediately reshaping the environment into “yours.”

In this episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton talk candidly about:

Why grief is a normal and healthy part of the step-parenting journey
The tension between honoring the existing family culture and slowly helping build a new one
The unspoken expectations that every stepparent carries — and what to do with them
Why building a new “normal” takes years (Ron Deal says seven, and it often feels true!)
Encouragement for couples to stay connected in the long process of blending

If you’re in the thick of a blended family dynamic, you are not crazy and you are not alone. Healing, belonging, and love can grow in the middle of the mess — but it takes time, patience, and a lot of grace.

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
Facebook
Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
Jay’s Facebook
BraveCo Instagram
www.braveco.org

Jason and Lauren have big news to share—their first grandbaby has arrived! 🎉 In this special family update episode, they reflect on the joy of this new season, the surprises of grandparenting while still raising their own 5- and 3-year-old, and what it means to live out relational health across generations.

Together, they unpack:

🌿 The uniqueness of navigating multiple family “layers” at once—parenting littles, supporting adult children, and stepping into grandparenthood
🎄 How conversations around holidays like Christmas shift when legacy and generational traditions come into play
👵🏼 The role of grandparents in relational health—offering support without overstepping, helping without hovering
👶 What’s different about parenting littles versus grandparenting (and how both roles sharpen each other)
❤️ Navigating relationships with adult kids as they step into parenthood, and why cheering them on matters more than critiquing
🌈 The emotional mix of joy, nostalgia, and gratitude in life’s transition seasons

The Vallottons remind listeners that family is never static—it’s always growing and reshaping. Whether you’re raising littles, sending teens into the world, or welcoming grandkids, relational health comes down to connection, presence, and legacy.

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
Facebook
Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
Jay’s Facebook
BraveCo Instagram
www.braveco.org

What do you do when staying in your marriage feels unsafe, but separation feels like it might be the end of everything you hoped for? Separation is one of the most raw and tender topics couples face—and for many, it carries fear, shame, and deep confusion.

In this episode, pastors and coaches Jason and Lauren Vallotton respond to two courageous listener questions about separation in marriage. With compassion and faith-filled honesty, they explore how to discern when separation is a protective step, what questions to ask in the midst of uncertainty, and how to hold covenant and safety together without feeling trapped by either.

They discuss:

Why separation does not equal failure—and how it can be a tool for safety and clarity.
The key questions to ask when considering reconciliation: Is there sustained change? Is safety being rebuilt? Am I experiencing peace or manipulation?
How to navigate the tension between covenant and crisis, especially when abuse or repeated betrayal is present.
Why God values safety and mental health as much as marriage covenant.
The importance of community, accountability, and long-term fruit when walking through separation.
Practical pathways forward, whether toward reconciliation or a different future, always anchored in hope and healing.

Jason and Lauren remind listeners that separation is not the end of the story. If you’re walking through a season of uncertainty or pain in your marriage, this episode will bring perspective, permission, and pastoral care.

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
Facebook
Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
Jay’s Facebook
BraveCo Instagram
www.braveco.org

What do you do when your husband’s porn struggle becomes a story you tell about yourself—about not being pretty enough, skinny enough, or desirable enough? For so many women, his brokenness becomes her self-hatred. But it doesn’t have to stay that way.

In this powerful episode, pastors and coaches Jason and Lauren Vallotton share hope and healing for women who are carrying shame that was never theirs to hold. With compassion and clarity, they unpack why porn is not about a wife’s worth, how self-hatred lies to keep women isolated, and what tools actually help rebuild connection and restore identity.

Together, they walk through:

You Are Not the Cause — Why porn is about escape, not about you “measuring up.”
Self-Hatred Is a Liar — How shame masquerades as self-awareness and how to speak truth over yourself instead.
You Still Deserve Empathy — Why your pain is valid and how to ask for emotional repair.
You’re Allowed to Ask for Help — Practical steps for inviting God, community, and safe people into your healing.

If you’ve ever felt the sting of comparison or the weight of carrying your spouse’s struggle, this episode is a reminder: you’re not broken, you’re not too much, and your story doesn’t end in shame. Healing is possible—for your marriage, yes, but even more importantly, for you.

Resources:

Shasta Blue Sky Addiction & Trauma Recovery Services

What to do in Marriage Emergencies

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For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

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Every new season brings change—and with it, a sense of disorientation. As human beings, we’re wired for stability and rhythm, so even good change can feel uncomfortable at first. The question isn’t whether change will shake us, but how we walk through it without losing our footing.

In this episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton share practical wisdom for navigating transitions with grace, humor, and hope. From their own stories of job changes and parenting milestones, they remind us that adjustment takes time (sometimes at least two weeks!), and that flexibility is key when fear tempts us to tighten up.

They explore:

Why it’s normal to feel unsettled in the middle of change.
The “two-week rule” that helps reframe transitions.
How fear can make us rigid—and why flexibility matters most during change.
The importance of limiting how much newness you introduce at one time.
Guarding connection with your spouse and close relationships so disorientation doesn’t drive disconnection.
How leaning into God brings clarity, peace, and a renewed sense of purpose for each season.

If you’ve ever felt unsettled in the face of change, this conversation will remind you: disorientation is temporary, and you don’t have to walk through it alone.

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

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Counseling is incredibly valuable. Jason and Lauren are huge proponents of marriage counseling, coaching and investing in marriage in a way that invites outside input from experts who can give great feedback to help couples grow in their connection. But it’s so common for couples to spend years in sessions and workshops and retreats without ever experiencing lasting breakthrough. Why? Because no matter how good the tools are, they don’t work if certain foundations aren’t in place.

In this episode, pastors and coaches Jason and Lauren Vallotton unpack some of the hidden reasons couples stay stuck—even with professional help—and how to create the kind of environment where real change is possible.

They explore:

Why solving problems without first building connection is like trying to spend from an empty bank account.
How misdiagnosing root issues keeps couples treating the wrong thing—and stuck in painful cycles.
Why communication tools and boundaries fail if you don’t understand your actual relational cycle.
How “making things fair” in sessions can unintentionally block radical ownership—something both spouses need in order to break patterns.
Why safety is the soil for growth, and how tools can feel like weapons if emotional safety isn’t present.
The importance of “turning toward” your spouse and focusing on one clear target at a time.

This conversation offers fresh perspective and practical guidance for anyone longing for deeper transformation in their marriage.

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
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In this episode of Dates, Mates, and Babies with the Vallottons, Jason and Lauren share wisdom from their unique experience raising both adult children and toddlers. Drawing from years of hands-on parenting, they dive into the intentional strategies that shape children into healthy, resilient adults—especially in a world that's vastly different from the one they grew up in.

Topics covered include:

Why the goal is raising adults, not just managing children
The importance of skills like delayed gratification, perseverance, and planning
How to build family identity through phrases like “Vallottons tell the truth” and “Vallottons are helpers”
Why today’s parenting landscape is nothing like past generations—and what to do about it
How to establish healthy boundaries: what decisions your child makes on their own vs. with your input
A new way to view trust: as a developmental process, not just a reflection of character
Why certain "non-negotiables" (like music or swim lessons) are actually gifts you give your child
Creating rhythms and structure while your kids are still moldable—because character is built early

Whether you're in the toddler trenches or navigating teenage independence, this conversation offers practical tools and timeless vision for parenting with the end in mind.

👉 If this episode encouraged you, share it with a fellow parent and leave a review to help others find our show!

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
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This episode is a vulnerable look into a recent real-life disconnection in the Vallotton's marriage! Every relationship experiences disconnection, but what matters is how we navigate back to each other. Hosts Jason and Lauren Vallotton share a recent experience where two weeks of limited quality time left them functioning as roommates rather than romantic partners.

• Jason feeling a lack of nurturing and tenderness in our interactions
• Lauren's problem-solving tendency sometimes coming across as harsh or critical
• The difference between "disgust" and constructive feedback in communication
• How personality differences (Enneagram Two vs Six) affect our relationship needs
• The crucial distinction between being good at "partnership" versus "lovership"
• Understanding that some relationship patterns can't be fixed in a single conversation
• The importance of both acknowledging issues and taking concrete steps toward change

The way you start difficult conversations will determine with 80% accuracy how they end. Remember that connection should always be the goal!

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
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Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
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Can love still feel new when someone has already been married and had children with someone else?

In this vulnerable episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton respond to a heartfelt question from a listener navigating the early stages of dating a divorced man with kids. Together, they unpack the very real fears, griefs, and hopes that can rise up in blended beginnings.

Whether you're walking this journey yourself or supporting someone who is, this episode offers practical wisdom, personal insight, and gentle clarity around some of the most tender questions:

How do I reconcile the longing to be someone’s first with the reality of coming in second chronologically?
Can I feel truly chosen if he’s loved before?
What are healthy signs he’s healed from his past—and what red flags should I pay attention to?
How do I navigate comparison, memories, or ongoing connection with a former spouse as they co-parent?
What does “fairytale love” look like when the story begins with complexity?

Jason and Lauren speak from personal experience and pastoral wisdom to offer encouragement, grounded perspective, and honest dialogue about grief, hope, and choosing love in real life—not in the fantasy.

Because healing doesn’t mean the past never happened—it means the past no longer holds the pen.

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
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Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
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If your marriage feels chaotic, disconnected, or directionless… you’re not alone. In this episode, Jason and Lauren tackle what it looks like when couples are stuck in survival mode—no calendar, no plan, and no unity—and how to get back on the same team.

Jay’s been walking with several couples who feel overwhelmed and out of sync, and in this candid conversation, the Vallottons offer a lifeline of practical tools and fresh perspective to help you move from chaos to clarity.

In this episode, they unpack:

Why chaos is a symptom, not the root issue
How to create an ecosystem for your marriage that you’re leading—not one that’s leading you
The power of living from a shared calendar and shared priorities
Why independent goals can still flow from a shared vision
What it takes to build peace, productivity, and purpose in your everyday rhythms

Key questions to ask together:

What season are we in right now?
What are our top three shared goals?
Are we moving toward those goals—together?

🎯 Practical Challenge: Try this for one week

Set a Sunday night “calendar + priority” meeting
Write down your top 3 shared goals
Name one pain point and commit to addressing it with compassion

Don’t let the chaos run the show. Step into leadership together—one week, one goal, one shared step at a time.

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
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Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
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What does it actually mean to lead your home like a man of God—and why does emotional connection matter just as much as spiritual authority?

In this episode of Dates, Mates & Babies, Jason Vallotton sits down with the legendary Dr. Henry Cloud, bestselling author of Boundaries, to unpack the kind of leadership that builds trust, safety, and lasting love. From marriage and fatherhood to communication and connection, this conversation is packed with wisdom for men and women alike.

Dr. Cloud shares a powerful framework for building a strong home: start with connection, then add boundaries, protection, and healthy communication. Whether you're a man wondering how to lead with both strength and compassion—or a woman longing for safety and partnership—this episode will give you language, hope, and tools to create the kind of marriage that thrives.

Topics We Cover:

The real role of a husband as a leader
Why emotional intelligence is key in marriage
How to create psychological safety in your home
What to do if connection was never modeled for you growing up
A practical pathway to becoming a strong, present, emotionally safe man

Whether you're single, dating, married, or parenting together—this episode will help you reimagine leadership in a way that builds legacy.

Connect with Dr. Henry Cloud:
drcloud.com
Instagram
YouTube

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
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Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
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In this powerful episode of Dates, Mates, and Babies, Jason and Lauren Vallotton welcome two courageous women: Kirsten Lapp, Executive Director of Northstate Care Clinic, and Lauren Hodgson, a mother of four who walked through an unexpected pregnancy and found hope in the face of overwhelming pressure. This is the second part to a conversation that began in episode 122.

When Lauren discovered she was pregnant with her fourth child, it came as a complete shock. That shock deepened when she learned her baby had Down syndrome. Surrounded by doctors quoting grim statistics and suggesting termination, Lauren found herself in a vulnerable and isolating place—until she connected with Northstate Care Clinic. There, she encountered something radically different: compassion, clarity, and care. All offered freely, without pressure.

Now, 18 months later, Lauren’s daughter Millie is a joyful, thriving little girl. In this deeply honest conversation, the hosts explore the realities women face during a crisis pregnancy, the unique challenges of raising a child with special needs, and the profound impact of having a supportive community.

This episode covers:

What defines a crisis pregnancy and the pressure many women experience from the medical system and culture
The emotional and spiritual strength required to say yes to life when fear and uncertainty are loud
The vital role of Northstate Care Clinic in providing non-judgmental, life-affirming support and resources
The need for continued after-birth resources, including housing, especially for women without stable home environments
A unique opportunity for listeners to help Northstate raise $300,000 to close escrow on a permanent home by July 14th

Jason and Lauren share that they are contributing to this campaign and invite their listeners to join them in funding a place of real hope for women in Northern California.

To learn more or to give, visit:
🌐 northstatecareclinic.org
🌱 friendsofnscc.org

"Every woman deserves more than pressure—she deserves hope, support, and a safe place to land."

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
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In this powerful episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton sit down with Kirsten Lapp, Executive Director of Northstate Care Clinic, to unpack the emotional, spiritual, and practical realities surrounding crisis pregnancy. With empathy and clarity, Kirsten shares what women are really facing in these moments—and how we can all play a part in offering hope.

In this episode, they discuss:

What defines a crisis pregnancy and why many women find themselves in one
The cultural and social pressures women face—from social media to the healthcare system
Myths and misconceptions about women in these situations
How Northstate Care Clinic provides compassionate care, from the first phone call to long-term support
What empowerment really looks like in the face of fear and uncertainty
A historic opportunity to help NSCC purchase a permanent home across from the local abortion clinic to serve even more women in Northern California

Jason and Lauren also share that JVM is contributing $1,000 to help make this dream a reality—and they invite listeners to partner with them in this mission.

To support the building campaign, learn more, or refer someone in need: Visit friendsofnscc.org !

“We believe every woman deserves to be seen, supported, and strengthened—especially when the stakes feel highest.”

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
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Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
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BraveCo Instagram
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In this powerful episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton explore the quiet, often unnoticed habit of self-betrayal—the moments when we say “yes” to others while saying “no” to ourselves. Whether it's to avoid conflict, gain approval, or protect a fragile connection, self-abandonment can masquerade as kindness while silently eroding trust, peace, and authenticity.

Jason and Lauren unpack the mindsets that often drive this behavior—like the belief that it's selfish to have needs, or that disappointing others is dangerous. With wisdom, compassion, and real-life stories, they offer a roadmap back to honest boundaries, emotional integrity, and deeper connection with both self and others.

In This Episode, They Discuss:

What self-betrayal looks like in daily life and relationships
How people-pleasing and performance mindsets take root
The difference between peacekeeping and true peace
Core beliefs that lead to self-abandonment (“If I say no, I’ll be rejected”)
Why honoring your limits is essential to relational and spiritual health
Practical language and tools to say no with clarity and compassion

Reflection Questions:

Where in your life have you been betraying your own needs to keep the peace?
What fear is hiding underneath your yes?
What would it look like to practice honest, courageous boundaries this week?

Listen in and be reminded: You don’t have to disappear to be loved. Wholeness begins where self-betrayal ends.

BraveCo Conference Registration - here

BraceCo Gala Registration - here

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
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Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
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www.braveco.org

In this honest and heartfelt Q&A episode, Jason and Lauren answer your real relationship questions—from navigating breakups to leading well in marriage. Whether you're dating, newly married, or wrestling with relational roles, this episode will give you insight, encouragement, and a few powerful reframes.

🔹 What does it mean for a man to promote his wife? Jason expands on his view that a man’s role is to provide, protect, and promote—and breaks down what it really means to elevate the people in your care.

🔹 "How do I do a breakup well?" Lauren and Jason offer practical guidance for ending a relationship with honor, clarity, and emotional health—especially when it’s still painful.

🔹 "Can Lauren talk about being someone’s second wife?" Lauren opens up about what it’s been like to marry a man with a past and how she’s navigated insecurity, redemption, and sacred second chances.

🔹 "My wife is controlling... how do I lead biblically?" Jason shares a compassionate but convicting perspective on male leadership, emotional safety, and what women really need from their husbands.

🔹 "We’re on a break… how do I move forward?" For anyone stuck in the “are we or aren’t we” season, Jason and Lauren speak to love, fear, communication breakdowns, and the difference between working through tension and ignoring red flags.

Related resources to check out:

Ep. 118 – The Role of a Man & the Rite of Passage Our Sons Are Missing
Ep. 114 – What Happens When a Woman is Forced into Fight or Flight Mode
Foundations of Masculinity Course – Now available for men ready to lead from strength, tenderness, and truth.

👉 Whether you're dating, married, or leading your family, this episode will help you dig deeper, ask better questions, and grow into the man or woman you’re called to be.

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
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Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
Jay’s Facebook
BraveCo Instagram
www.braveco.org

“Most of the world is built on the invisible labor of mothers.” In this heartfelt episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton turn their attention to the sacred, unseen work of motherhood. Picking up where their recent Fatherhood episode left off, they dive into the beauty, burden, and spiritual authority of moms—the ones who so often hold the soul of the home together.

This isn’t a conversation about Pinterest lunches or parenting perfection. It’s an honest look at the emotional, mental, and spiritual load that mothers carry, and the divine calling woven into every unnoticed act of love.

In this episode, they explore:

More Than a Milestone Tracker: Why motherhood is far more than meal plans and playdates—and what Scripture reveals about its true meaning.
The Weight No One Sees: From overstimulation to spiritual burden, Lauren shares stories from her journey through blended family life, miscarriage, and motherhood.
The Lie of the Perfect Mom: How culture pressures women to be everything—and why presence is more powerful than perfection.
The Spiritual Authority of Moms: The quiet ways mothers set the spiritual tone of the home, and how every unseen act counts in the Kingdom.

With raw vulnerability and deep encouragement, Jason and Lauren remind moms everywhere: You’re not just holding it all together. You’re building something eternal.

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
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Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
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In this powerful conversation, Jason and Lauren Vallotton unpack one of the deepest needs of our time: the restoration of godly masculinity. Drawing from personal stories, biblical wisdom, and their experience walking with men and families, they explore why a man’s role in the home matters more than ever—and how the next generation is suffering without clear markers of maturity and initiation.

Whether you're a father, mentor, or just a man asking deeper questions about your purpose, this episode will stir your spirit and point you toward courageous leadership. It’s also an invitation to join the movement at this year’s BraveCo Conference, where men are being called up, healed, and commissioned.

In This Episode:

Why men matter in the home
The emotional and spiritual covering fathers provide—and what happens when it's missing.
What sons need from their fathers and male mentors
Identity, blessing, and challenge. The sacred elements of healthy male initiation.
The pain of passive or absent masculinity
How a culture without rites of passage has left young men lost, angry, or apathetic.
Stories from the field
Real moments of breakthrough, father wounds healed, and identity restored at past BraveCo events.
Why the BraveCo Conference is different
It’s not hype—it’s holy. A sacred space where men return to the Father, face their pain, and rise into purpose.

Join the Movement:The BraveCo Conference isn’t just a weekend event—it’s a call to rise.
Register nowfor the conference and be part of a movement that’s raising up healthy, whole, and wholehearted men!

Check out more about BraveCo here!

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
Facebook
Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
Jay’s Facebook
BraveCo Instagram
www.braveco.org

"Your gifts might open doors in ministry, but your emotional health and family life will determine how long you can stay in the room."

In this episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton dive into the crucial (and often overlooked) connection between emotional health, family life, and sustainable ministry. Ministry isn’t just about being gifted—it’s about being grounded. Whether you're a pastor, leader, or someone pursuing a call to serve, this conversation offers a timely reminder: who you are behind closed doors matters more than what you can do on stage.

💛 Part 1: Emotional Health in Ministry

Understanding the integration of body, soul, and spirit
Why self-awareness is a superpower in leadership
The impact of unresolved grief, resentment, and burnout
How emotional intelligence often outlasts platform skills
Why ministry tends to trigger unhealed wounds like rejection, people-pleasing, or perfectionism
A personal example of how inner healing transformed leadership

🏠 Part 2: Family Health in Ministry

Why the home is the first and most important ministry
How ministry should overflow from family health—not compete with it
Red flags: when someone feels powerful in ministry but powerless at home
Encouragement to realign priorities and strengthen what matters most

Whether you're just stepping into ministry or you've been leading for years, this episode offers practical wisdom and vulnerable insight into what it really takes to lead with longevity and wholeness.

📣 Mentioned in this episode:
Interested in going deeper? Jason’s Pastor’s Cohort is open for enrollment.
👉 Sign up here

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
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Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
Jay’s Facebook
BraveCo Instagram
www.braveco.org

"Most people want to reconnect with their spouse—but they don’t know how to hit the mark when emotions are high. They either get defensive, spiral into shame, or shut down. Today, I want to help you learn how to truly connect when it matters most—especially when there’s pain involved."In this episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton break down what happens when emotional disconnection builds over time and how to move toward reconnection with empathy, responsibility, and compassion.

This episode explores:

Why disconnection happens: How unmet needs and unresolved pain quietly widen the emotional gap between partners.
The shame spiral: Why shame convinces people they are the problem, and how shifting to personal ownership can restore emotional safety.
Empathy, sympathy, and compassion: A practical breakdown of each—and why compassion is the key to repair.
A step-by-step guide to reconnection:
- Get curious, not defensive
- Listen without fixing
- Validate and empathize
- Take ownership
- Offer a sincere apology

Final encouragements:

For those who’ve been hurt: Give space for ownership—don’t force it, but don’t shrink back either.
For those who missed it: Perfection isn’t required, but presence is.

This episode offers practical steps and real-life insight for any couple looking to reconnect—especially when it matters most.

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
Facebook
Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
Jay’s Facebook
BraveCo Instagram
www.braveco.org

In this vulnerable and practical Q&A episode, Jason and Lauren tackle some of your most heartfelt questions—from dating dynamics and stepparenting to conflict in marriage and unmet emotional needs.

With their trademark honesty and experience, they unpack the real stuff of relationships: fear, longing, love, and how to keep showing up even when it’s hard.

In this episode, the Vallottons respond to questions like:

“How do I take dating slow while discerning if I can handle marrying someone with kids?”
“Why do I shut down in conflict, and how do I stay present when fear hits?”
“I’m walking through divorce and financial fallout—what now?”
“Any tips for surviving the newborn season… with our marriage still intact?”
“What do I do with my unmet desire for intimacy, pursuit, and emotional connection in marriage?”

From practical tools to spiritual insight, this episode is full of compassionate, grounded advice for anyone trying to navigate love in a complicated world.

Whether you’re in the trenches of parenting, learning to love through pain, or just trying to figure out what’s next—this one’s for you.

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
Facebook
Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
Jay’s Facebook
BraveCo Instagram
www.braveco.org

“She never wanted to fight her husband. But somewhere along the way, she stopped feeling safe—and started showing up in survival mode.”

In this episode, Jason and Lauren unpack the emotional toll disconnection takes on a woman, especially when she's forced to lead, manage, and defend in her relationship. They explore what masculine energy looks like in a woman, why it’s often a trauma response—not rebellion—and how emotional safety (not control) is the key to restoring connection.

You’ll hear:

A real coaching story of a disconnected couple
How a woman feeling safe, seen and known activates connection
What healthy masculinity is designed to bring
Practical steps to rebuild trust and intimacy

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
Facebook
Connect with Jason:Jay’s Instagram
Jay’s Facebook
BraveCo Instagram
www.braveco.org

Spring cleaning isn't just for your closet—what about the things we’ve been carrying in our hearts, homes, and relationships that need a reset?

In this episode, Jason and Lauren take the idea of spring cleaning beyond junk drawers and cluttered cabinets and dive deep into the unseen spaces of our emotional, relational, and spiritual lives. From the bathroom cabinet that hasn’t been cleaned out in a year to the mental tabs we’ve left open way too long, they explore what it looks like to make space for peace, connection, and growth in every area.

What You’ll Hear:
🧠 Emotional & Mental Inventory

How unspoken expectations, resentment, and grief can clog up your inner world
What decision fatigue and overthinking might be trying to tell you
Prompts to help you recognize what you’re still holding onto that you no longer need

💞 Relationship Reset

Signs of relational clutter in marriage, dating, or singleness
Are you acting like roommates or partners?
How to replace criticism and avoidance with curiosity, gratitude, and fun
A powerful question to ask: What’s gotten dusty in our connection that needs tending?

🙏 Spiritual Alignment

Are you going through the motions or truly connecting with God?
How to realign your priorities and make space for spiritual renewal

🧹 A Fresh Start
Jason and Lauren offer three simple “spring cleaning” actions to bring clarity and freedom:

Have a marriage check-in
Delete digital distractions
Forgive (yes, even that one thing… again)

Plus, a gentle nudge to revisit those New Year’s goals with fresh eyes and grace.

Takeaway Question:
What’s one area—internal, relational, or spiritual—where you want to clear space this season?

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
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The public school system is broken. Too many kids feel left behind, uninspired, and stuck in a one-size-fits-all model that doesn’t prepare them for real life—or real relationships. As a dad and leader, Jason believes we need a radical shift. That’s why he sat down with Dr. Tyler Thigpen, an education innovator, to explore a new approach—one that fosters independence, critical thinking, and emotional intelligence.

In this episode, Jason and Tyler unpack why the system is failing, what’s working in learner-centered models, and how parents can take the lead. These new environments don’t just teach facts—they shape identity, build resilience, and equip kids for healthy, whole lives.

If you care about how your kids are learning and growing, this episode is for you. Let’s raise a generation ready for both life and love.

More about Dr. Thigpen: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thigpentyler/

Tyler grew up in Georgia and has worked in innovative district, private, and charter schools, as well as statewide and national nonprofits. Tyler is co-founder and CEO of The Forest School: An Acton Academy in Trilith, The Forest School Online, and the Institute for Self-Directed Learning, Academic Director at the University of Pennsylvania Graduate School of Education, and Guest Lecturer at the Harvard Graduate School of Education. Formerly, Tyler was partner at Transcend, a national nonprofit in school redesign, and worked closely on innovative school projects such as nXu, Whittle, The Academy Group, Washington Leadership Academy, Art in Motion, Hebrew Public, Teton Science's Place Network, EL Education, and the Brooklyn STEAM Center.

Tyler also co-founded MENTOR Georgia, Transforming Teaching at Harvard, and the Chattahoochee Hills Charter School. Earlier, Tyler worked as head of the upper school at The Mount Vernon School in Atlanta, Spanish teacher in Gwinnett County public schools, and minister at the Grace family of churches where he led international development in Peru in areas of healthcare, education, poverty reduction, and infrastructure.

Tyler holds a doctoral degree in education leadership from Harvard Graduate School of Education, a master’s in public administration from Harvard John F. Kennedy School of Government, and a master’s in theological studies from Regent College of the University of British Columbia. Tyler has written about the future of learning in the Washington Post, Education Week, Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Getting Smart, and others. Tyler lives with his wife and four children, all of whom attended The Forest School, in Trilith, GA.

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

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Preparing teenagers for adulthood might be the most crucial—and challenging—phase of parenthood. In this candid conversation, The Vallottons explore the essential transition from raising dependent children to launching capable, confident adults.

When parents focus solely on creating a fun and carefree childhood, they risk raising young adults unprepared for real responsibilities. Drawing from their experiences launching three young adults (now 25, 22, and 20) while still raising younger children, Jason and Lauren share both their successes and the lessons they’ve learned through missteps.

The key insight? Start early. Children who learn to contribute to family life from a young age develop a sense of capability that serves them well into adulthood. But for those who realize they’ve started later than ideal, Jason and Lauren offer practical strategies for reframing expectations with teenagers—positioning them not as arbitrary rules, but as essential preparation for their future independence.

This episode includes real-life examples from their own family, including the transformative story of their son who chose to move out one week before high school graduation. Rather than creating distance, this experience strengthened their relationship as he gained a newfound appreciation for the guidance he had once resisted.

The conversation also delves into the different approaches needed for raising sons versus daughters, teaching emotional regulation, and establishing standards for family interactions. Ultimately, successful parenting isn’t measured by how much children enjoy their childhood, but by how confidently they navigate adulthood.

Ready to shift your parenting approach from control to coaching? This episode provides the framework to help parents prepare their teenagers for a successful launch into independence.

💬 Join the conversation on Instagram: @jasonvallotton | @laurenvallotton

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

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Everyone has a past, but when it comes to relationships, how can someone be sure it no longer has a hold on their present? Whether in dating or marriage, navigating past mistakes, previous relationships, or personal struggles can be complex. How much should be shared, and when does transparency build trust versus causing unnecessary pain?

In this episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton explore the balance between honesty and wisdom, discussing when full disclosure is valuable and when it may not be helpful. They break down how to recognize genuine healing, build trust, and have important conversations about the past in a way that strengthens relationships rather than creates insecurity.

Key Topics Discussed:

How to discern if someone has truly moved on from their past
The role of full disclosure in building trust
When sharing past mistakes strengthens a relationship versus when it creates unnecessary harm
How to navigate difficult conversations about previous relationships, personal struggles, or past wounds
Signs of true healing versus patterns that indicate unresolved issues

Whether preparing for marriage, working through past hurts, or striving to build a foundation of trust, this episode provides insight and practical tools for moving forward in a healthy way.

Resources Mentioned:

Episode 20 - A Plan for Pain, Part 1
Episode 21 - A Plan for Pain, Part 2

For more conversations on relational health, subscribe to Dates, Mates, and Babies with the Vallottons and share this episode with someone who would benefit!

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

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In this insightful Q&A session, the Vallottons tackle questions submitted by listeners pertaining to marriage and friendship.

Questions include:

When I really like someone I feel like I can't think straight anymore. When I’m around them and start to act differently, and I hate it. What's your advice on that?
What to do with a man who is confusing with his intentions even after asking for clarity. He's nice and respectful, but I'm still confused.
What does "leaving and cleaving" actually mean? And what does it practically look like?
When is the right time in dating to ask someone if they want kids?

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

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Episode 108 is a special treat! In this episode, the Vallottons share a powerful message that Lauren preached on February 20, 2025, at the Bethel Church Prophetic Conference. Rooted in her personal journey of motherhood and the shifting landscape of 2025, Lauren believes this moment marks the dawn of a new era—one defined by breakthrough for followers of Christ.

Drawing from the story of the Israelites’ journey to the Promised Land, Lauren unpacks how God invites us to trust, take risks, believe, hope, and contend for breakthrough—especially in the areas of our hearts where long-held desires have been waiting to be fulfilled.

She closes with a time of prayer, declaring breakthrough over those present at the conference. As you listen, receive these prayers for yourself—may they bring impartation, inspiration, and deep encouragement.

If you experience breakthrough after listening, the Vallottons would love to hear your testimony! Send them your story as they continue to celebrate and share what God is doing in this incredible community of listeners.

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

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In this episode of Dates, Mates, and Babies with the Vallottons, Jason and Lauren Vallotton explore how friendships impact marriage, parenting, and relational health. While friendships often take a backseat to family life, they are crucial in shaping emotional well-being and offering support.

As life gets busier with marriage and parenting, friendships are often neglected. However, research shows that maintaining strong friendships improves marital satisfaction and reduces parenting stress. Jason and Lauren discuss why intentional friendships matter and how to build a supportive community.

Discussion Points:

Do Your Friendships Support or Strain Your Marriage?
- Jason reflects on early marriage years when he let go of friendships that didn’t support his relationship.
- Lauren shares how she invested in friendships to have connections in the same life season.
The Changing Definition of a Support System
- A survey of 2,000 parents with kids aged 0-6 found 78% believe the concept of a support "village" has changed from their upbringing.
- Modern parents rely on an average of seven people for support, often leaning more on friendships than family.
- Jason discusses how founding BraveCo helped him build relationships with men committed to personal growth.
How a Lack of Friendships Impacts Emotional Connection in Marriage
- Despite hardships, Jason’s strong friendships provided stability.
- Lauren surrounds herself with women who invest in their marriages, reinforcing the importance of supportive friendships.
The Importance of Same-Sex and Opposite-Sex Friendships in Marriage
- Jason’s close friendships extend beyond traditional boundaries, such as walking Sum down the aisle.
- Lauren highlights the security of knowing she has men in her life who would support her and her children.
Friendships and Parenting: How Parents’ Friendships Shape Their Kids
- Studies suggest strong friendships lead to happier marriages and lower stress in parenting.
- Parents modeling healthy friendships significantly influence their children’s social development.
- Jason and Lauren discuss ways to nurture friendships while raising a family.

Takeaways:

Strong friendships are essential for thriving marriages and healthy families. Jason and Lauren encourage listeners to assess their friendships, invest in meaningful connections, and recognize their profound influence on every aspect of life.

Tune in to this insightful conversation and learn how to strengthen your marriage and family life through intentional friendships!

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

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Blending a family is both rewarding and challenging, requiring intentionality, patience, and a strong foundation. In this episode of Dates, Mates, and Babies with the Vallottons, Lauren and Jason dive into the key strategies for creating a thriving blended family.

They discuss the importance of building trust with stepchildren, emphasizing that the biological parent should take the lead in discipline while the stepparent focuses on connection. They explore how to find your lane—leaning into natural strengths to foster strong relationships with the kids.

Common challenges in blended families are also addressed, including different parenting styles, loyalty conflicts, and emotional wounds from past relationships. Lauren and Jay break down how to navigate discipline and authority, ensuring unity between spouses without creating resentment.

The conversation highlights the importance of setting realistic expectations, recognizing that blending takes time and requires a united front. They stress that prioritizing the marriage is essential—not only for the couple but for the entire family dynamic. When the marriage is strong, children feel secure and receive the stability they need.

Finally, they tackle the complexities of co-parenting with ex-spouses, offering wisdom on handling interactions with grace and firm boundaries.

Whether you’re newly blending a family or years into the journey, this episode provides practical tools to build trust, navigate challenges, and create a home where everyone can thrive. Tune in for an insightful and encouraging discussion!

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

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Description:
We’re back with Part 2 of one of our most vulnerable episodes yet—because some questions in marriage are too important to ignore. Last week, we unpacked some of the biggest fears that keep couples stuck, and today, we’re digging even deeper.

We’re talking about:
💬 Why does sex feel like an obligation instead of a connection?
👩‍👧 Why do I feel like the default parent while my spouse gets to "opt in" to parenting? (Spoiler: This isn’t just a struggle for women!)
💔 What if my marriage isn’t what I thought it would be, and it never will be?
😞 What if I’m the only one trying to fix our marriage?

Avoiding these questions won’t make them go away, but facing them can bring healing and clarity.

💡 Next Steps:
Healing doesn’t happen in a single conversation. That’s why we created Restore & Renew, a 6-week marriage intensive designed to help couples break free from disconnection and rebuild a joyful, resilient relationship.

👉 Click here to sign up and take the first step.

🎧 Listen now and start the conversation that could change everything.

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

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Description:
Some questions feel too big, too scary, or too painful to ask out loud—especially in marriage. But avoiding them doesn’t make them disappear. In this episode, the Vallotton's tackle the hardest, unspoken questions that can haunt relationships.

Jason and Lauren dive into topics like:
✅ Have we fallen out of love or are we just stuck in a rut?
✅ What if I’m not attracted to my partner anymore?
✅ Is it normal to feel lonely in my marriage?
✅ Can we ever repair the damage from past betrayals?

If you've ever felt afraid to voice your deepest relationship doubts, you’re not alone. These conversations could lead to real healing and change.

💡 Next Steps: True transformation takes intentional action. If you're ready to reconnect, heal, and build a resilient marriage, join our Restore & Renew 6-Week Intensive—a guided journey to help you and your partner rediscover joy and connection.

👉 Click here to sign up!

🎧 Listen now, then come back here week for Part 2!

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
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In this episode of Dates, Mates, and Babies with the Vallottons, Lauren and Jason dive into one of the most profound questions parents face: What story do we want our kids to tell about love? Together, they unpack the meaning of true love, exploring how it can be demonstrated in everyday life and in relationships within the home.

Topics CoveredWhat is love and what is it not?

We have love because it was given to us. It doesn’t start with us, it starts with God.
Love is a powerful choice.
Love is patient, kind, etc. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

What does authentic love look like in relationships and in marriage?

Real love requires a strong sense of self… we enjoy true love when we come fully ourselves into a relationship.
It’s not the absence of conflict.
Love looks like boundaries.
Love looks like having the hard conversations, not abandoning yourself.

Love requires us to sacrifice and grow in areas that are costing the people we care for the most. Love says I lay things down that cause harm to those I care for the most.

Why This Matters
Our children’s perception of love starts with us. Through our words, actions, and how we treat those closest to us, we’re crafting a narrative that can either help or hinder their relationships in the future. Let’s make it a story worth telling!

Takeaway Thought
The story of love we live today becomes the legacy our children carry into tomorrow.

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

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In today’s episode of Dates, Mates, and Babies with the Vallottons, hosts Jason and Lauren Vallotton sit down with renowned psychoanalyst and author Erica Komisar to explore the profound challenges and rewards of parenting. Erica, a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW), brings years of expertise in child development and the psychological aspects of motherhood and fatherhood. She has authored two insightful books:

Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters
Chicken Little: The Sky Isn’t Falling

In this conversation, Erica highlights the crucial role emotional attachment plays in a child's development, particularly during the first three years. She discusses the importance of both mothers and fathers being present and emotionally available, as well as how societal pressures and guilt impact the way mothers show up for their families.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

The key ingredients for building a healthy attachment with your child, particularly in the first three years.
Insights from Erica’s book Being There on the lasting impact of maternal presence during a child's formative years.
Why father involvement is just as crucial as mothers in raising emotionally resilient children.
How to address societal pressures, guilt, and the overwhelming demands placed on mothers today.
The importance of staying engaged with your children throughout adolescence, even when they seem to need you less.

About Erica Komisar:Erica Komisar is a licensed clinical social worker and psychoanalyst with extensive experience working in child development and parenting. She has authored two influential books, Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters and Chicken Little: The Sky Isn’t Falling. Her work emphasizes the emotional and psychological needs of children, focusing on the vital role parents play in shaping their children's emotional well-being. Erica's expertise has made her a sought-after speaker and resource for parents looking to navigate the challenges of raising children in today’s world.

Where to Find Erica Komisar:

She’s on Instagram. @ericakomisar
To learn more about Erica's work and upcoming events, visit her official website.

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

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What if the greatest battle you’re fighting isn’t with your spouse, your kids, or the world—but with yourself? On this episode, the Vallottons dive into the messiest parts of who we are—the stuff we shove aside but desperately need to face if we want to grow in life, faith, and relationships.

Jason and Lauren explore the significance of identifying your inner conflicts, the impact of your past experiences, and the role of seeking support in overcoming these hidden struggles.

• Discussing personal experiences of battling inner conflicts
• Understanding the significance of self-criticism and shame
• Exploring the concept of the trauma tree and its visualizations
• Identifying signs of an inner battle and unhealthy habits
• The necessity of reaching out for help and building self-awareness
• Sharing strategies for addressing and conquering internal struggles

PatreonIf you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Marriage Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
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In this milestone 100th episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton sit down with Jason's parents, Kris and Kathy Vallotton, for a heartfelt conversation about the enduring meaning of Christmas. Known for their leadership and faith, Kris and Kathy reflect on the miraculous story of Christ’s birth and its profound blend of humanity and divinity. Together, they share insights on how to hold onto the true essence of Christmas amid the distractions of commercialization, encouraging listeners to reconnect with its true spiritual significance.

Kris and Kathy also share a touching personal story about navigating financial hardships with creativity and faith. Recalling a time when scarcity gave way to an unexpected adventure, they draw parallels to the humble circumstances of Christ's birth. The conversation highlights how love and togetherness can transform challenges into cherished memories, offering a powerful reminder of the importance of family and faith.

The episode takes a deeper turn as the Vallottons explore the supernatural aspects of the Christmas story and their relevance in everyday life. Reflecting on moments of divine provision, they illustrate how God's presence often surprises us in the ordinary and imperfect moments. Through these reflections, Kris, Kathy, Jason, and Lauren invite listeners to see the beauty in life’s messiness and embrace the redemptive power of the Christmas story in their own lives.

Join Jason and Lauren Vallotton for this uplifting conversation with Kris and Kathy Vallotton, as they celebrate faith, family, and the transformative hope of the Christmas season.

Merry Christmas to you, and we'll see you back here in the New Year!

If you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

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Imagine the weight of rebuilding a marriage amidst public scrutiny and personal failure. Laura and Carl Lentz know this journey all too well, and they graciously join the Vallottons to share their path of healing and redemption following Carl's affair in 2020. Through candid conversations, they explore the complexities of maintaining genuine relationships in the face of betrayal, and the powerful role community support can play in times of crisis. Their story is not just one of personal recovery, but also a testament to the resilience found in embracing vulnerability and committing to change.

Beyond their personal trials, the Vallottons tackle the broader theme of balancing emotional health with spiritual growth. In a world where hyper-spirituality often masks deeper issues, the Lentzes open up about the necessity of addressing deep-seated pain and the deceptive self-lies that perpetuate addiction. Our conversation digs into the intricate dynamics of rebuilding trust after infidelity, underscoring the pivotal moments of honesty and the proactive steps needed to create a foundation for healing. Laura's experience in setting clear boundaries and expectations highlights the courage required to face the truth and the profound freedom it can bring.

Through real-life examples, this conversation illustrates how openness can transform potentially humiliating situations into valuable teaching moments that build trust and resilience. his episode is infused with hope, reminding us all of the transformative impact of perseverance and the lasting benefits of living truthfully amidst life's challenges. This episode dives into the nuances of addressing hidden pain, repairing broken trust, and creating a new foundation for relationships—not by erasing the past but by learning from it.

Whether you’ve faced challenges in your marriage, struggled with trust, or simply want to know that restoration is possible, this episode is for you. It’s an honest conversation that doesn’t shy away from the hard truths but offers hope, practical insights, and a reminder that no matter how deep the wound, healing is always possible.

Connect with Carl and Laura Lentz:
Carl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Laura Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/

If you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

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Episode Summary:In this special Q&A episode, the Vallottons tackle some of your most heartfelt and practical questions about trust, forgiveness, marriage, and family life. Whether you're looking for ways to rebuild trust, navigate the early months of marriage, or create meaningful family traditions, this episode has something for everyone.

What’s Covered in Today’s Episode:

How is trust practically built when it’s been broken?
- Steps to rebuild trust through accountability, transparency, and consistent actions over time.
- The importance of small, intentional efforts in repairing relational safety.
What happens if I forgive but cannot forget?
- Understanding forgiveness as a journey and why forgetting isn’t required.
- Rebuilding trust is a process that requires seeing repeated success in that area of previous failure and also taking the risk to trust again.
How do my wife of 2 months and I better create routine in the craziness of life?
- Ideas for setting rhythms and routines to strengthen your marriage.
- Carving out time for intentional connection as newlyweds before the demands of life and family make it harder to prioritize.
What’s the most repetitive struggle you usually see with men?
- Insights into common patterns, such as passivity and disconnection.
- Encouragement and strategies to move past these struggles inside connection with other men through BraveCo.
How do you celebrate Advent with your kids?
- Creative and meaningful ways to engage children during the Advent season.
- Balancing faith, fun, and family in holiday traditions.
- Discovering Christmas: A 25 Day Advent Devotional with Activities for Kids
Can you share creative family rhythms and traditions that shape family culture?
- How intentional practices can strengthen bonds and pass on values.
- Examples of daily, weekly, and seasonal traditions to cultivate connection.

If you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
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Join the Vallottons as they share insights after leading their recent marriage intensive, where we spent six weeks with couples dedicated to enhancing their relational health. Through real-life counseling scenarios, and rounds of these marriage courses, the Vallottons have discovered what is common to many couples and identify keys to breakthrough in these different areas.

Takeaways include:
- it's the couples who want to grow and learn who get well
- it's not conflict that tears apart connection, but rather behavior in conflict
- a lack of self-awareness about what you bring into your marriage can be a downfall
- a lack of tools for healthy communication is common and impacts EVERY other area of marriage life

If you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
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BraveCo Instagram
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Life can feel overwhelming when chaos reigns in our hearts, homes, and minds. But did you know that your ability to face and navigate that chaos directly impacts your emotional, spiritual, and relational well-being? In this episode, the Vallotton's are diving into why confronting chaos matters and how it aligns with living a life of peace, purpose, and emotional health.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

The Biblical Perspective on Chaos:
Explore how scripture addresses chaos and God’s desire for us to live in order and peace. We’ll discuss how confronting disorder is a step toward aligning with His design.
- “God is always trying to bring order to chaos."
- "God sets man up for success by creating divine order."
- "God’s structure fosters perfect love, promotes freedom, and creates powerful living."
How Avoidance Fuels Anxiety:
Learn why avoiding the mess—whether it’s an emotional wound, a strained relationship, or a chaotic schedule—actually makes things worse and undermines your well-being.
Practical Strategies to Confront Chaos:
- Identifying the sources of chaos in your life. "Anything outside of connection is unsustainable."
- Setting boundaries with wisdom and grace.
  1. "Boundaries are meant to protect love."
  2. "Re-wiring is our job, not God’s."
The Link Between Confrontation and Emotional Health:
Understand why emotional health requires courage to face hard truths. We’ll provide tools to manage the discomfort of confrontation while maintaining compassion for yourself and others.
- "Our ability to create order is only limited by our unwillingness to confront chaos."
- "Avoiding chaos leads to pain; confronting it brings growth."
Inviting God Into Your Chaos:
Discover how prayer, surrender, and faith can transform chaos into a catalyst for growth and spiritual maturity. "God believes in our ability to be powerful people who can confront chaos."

We’re often trying to obtain peace around us so that we have peace inside of us. We were designed to BRING peace to chaos, to bring structure to disorder. That requires that we have peace and order inside of us to bring to the world around us.

If you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

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In this insightful episode, the Vallottons sit down with Robyn Gobbel, an expert in relational neuroscience and interpersonal neurobiology, to discuss a transformative approach to understanding and supporting children's challenging behaviors. Robyn shares her journey from being a psychotherapist to becoming a dedicated advocate for families, particularly those dealing with complex trauma or adoption histories. The conversation centers around her influential book, Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies That Really Work, which has been a key resource for the Vallotton family as they navigate their daughter’s sensory modulation challenges. Robyn’s guidance encourages parents to look beyond difficult behaviors and address the underlying needs driving them, ultimately fostering deeper connections.

The discussion delves into the dynamic relationship between "connection" and "protection" modes within the nervous system, highlighting how these states impact both parents and children. Robyn explains the pivotal role of safety in building healthy connections and offers practical insights for handling real-life scenarios, such as when a child reacts with unexpected aggression. The Vallottons and Robyn explore the journey parents often face—from feelings of guilt to a deeper self-awareness—while learning to support their children’s emotional regulation and maintaining their own.

Listeners will also be introduced to the "owl, watchdog, and possum" framework that helps parents decode children’s behaviors as signs of their needs rather than intentional defiance. The episode wraps up with actionable strategies for supporting children’s emotional regulation, emphasizing that a parent’s regulation is equally essential. Robyn’s compassionate and knowledgeable approach equips parents with valuable tools to nurture strong connections and guide children through their toughest moments. This episode is essential listening for parents seeking a new perspective on navigating complex behaviors and fostering resilient, loving relationships with their children.

Where to find Robyn Gobbel:
https://robyngobbel.com/
@robyn.gobbel

If you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

For information on the Intensive and other resources, go to jasonandlaurenvallotton.com !

Connect with Lauren:Instagram
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Episode Summary:

As we wrap up the year, the last few months often bring holiday stress, busier schedules, and the opportunity for intentionality. This episode dives into why the fourth quarter of the year is a pivotal time for strengthening relationships and offers practical tips for deepening connections, navigating holiday tensions, wrapping up the year with relational intentionality.

1. The Fourth Quarter Mindset

We still have time to go! We can win big. Discuss why the 4th quarter is a natural time to invest in our closest relationships.
There unique dynamics at play: busy schedules, increased family gatherings, and holiday expectations
But we can really capitalize on our culture’s emphasis on the holiday season by making it an incredible season of intentionality

2. Balancing Holiday Stress with Relational Connection

There are great strategies for managing holiday stress without letting it impact your relationships.
It’s important to set boundaries, prioritize quality time, and manage energy levels to stay present with loved ones.
It’s important to create space for intentional moments with family and friends amidst the busyness of the season.
It’s also important to make time to recharge

3. Reflect and Reconnect: End-of-Year Conversations

Reflect on how the holidays went last year, and contemplate how you want them to feel this year!
Ask questions like,
- How did the holidays go LAST year, and what would we want to do the same or differently?
- What would make this holiday season feel really rich and meaningful to you?
- Are there any conversations I need to have before the holidays to prepare for great moments of connection with my spouse/kids/parents/friends/extended family?

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Description: Life is hard—and family and marriage, as part of God’s design, come with their own challenges. Just because something is hard doesn’t mean it’s wrong. In this episode, we unpack the tension between fulfilled dreams and unmet expectations. We explore the trap of believing, “I’ll be happy when…” and how comparison can steal our joy. What happens when reality doesn’t match the dreams we had?

We dive into the truth that God’s dreams for us are often bigger—and harder—than what we imagine. Yet, it’s through surrender and perseverance that we discover deeper joy. Drawing from Scripture, we reflect on what it means to embrace the hard work, steward what’s been given, and trust that barren places can become fertile ground for God’s purposes.

Key Themes:

The mindset of "I’ll be happy when…" and the dangers of unrealistic expectations
How comparison leaves us disappointed
Trusting that God’s dreams for us are greater than our own
Enduring hard seasons with faith, knowing that God rewards those who steward well

Scriptural Truths:

Romans 12 – Living as a sacrifice, transformed by God
Luke 9:23 – Taking up our cross daily
Proverbs 3:5-6 – Trusting and submitting to God’s plan
Psalm 23 – Finding comfort and provision in every season

Reflection Questions:

How do I surrender and grieve disappointments when things don’t go as planned?
What does it look like to truly give my dreams to Jesus?
Is the joy I seek found in a fulfilled dream, or in surrendering my dream to Him?
Can the barren places in my life become fertile ground for God’s purposes?

Join us as we reflect on the joy that comes not from ease, but from faithfulness, endurance, and trusting God’s bigger picture—even when it looks nothing like we imagined.

If you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

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Episode 92: Why Isn’t This Working?
What to Do When Your Attempts at Healthy Conflict Resolution Seem to Fail

In this episode, Lauren and Jay dive into the frustrating moments when your best efforts at conflict resolution just aren’t cutting it. If you’ve ever wondered, “Why isn’t this working?”—this one’s for you! They walk through five key checkpoints to help you figure out where things might be going wrong and how to adjust.

5-Point Check for Healthy Conflict Resolution

Are We Even Talking About the Same Thing?
- Heated arguments are often not just about the issue at hand.
- Ask yourself: What’s this really about? Are there underlying issues driving the conflict?
Are You Able to Communicate a Real Need?
- When you struggle to express your needs, you might shut down or get angry.
- Take a moment to dig deep and identify the real need behind the emotions you're feeling.
Send the Right “I-Messages.”
- Keep your message concise—too many words can muddy the water.
- Remember, you’re responsible for how you communicate, not how your partner responds.
- Your partner might respond poorly, especially if they feel shame or misunderstood, but focus on managing yourself.
Plan Ahead for Triggers.
- Know what tends to set you off and create a strategy to stay on course.
- When those triggers hit, stick to the plan—no detours!
Stick to the Script—Your Way Isn’t Working!
- Use tools like our Conflict Resolution Cheat Sheet to stay on track. (Get it by taking our free marriage assessment [link].)
- What if your partner isn’t playing by the rules? Stay focused on what you can control and keep improving.

Bonus Tip: Learn from Feedback

“We grow to the level of feedback we are willing to take.” After each conflict, reflect on what worked and what didn’t. This is how real growth happens.

Tune in now for practical advice, personal stories, and tips you can apply today to navigate conflict with more success.

Resources Mentioned:

Take the free marriage assessment and receive the Conflict Resolution Cheat Sheet [https://www.jasonandlaurenvallotton.com/].

If you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

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A note from Jason and Lauren:

Ever feel emotionally disconnected, even in a healthy relationship? That was us this past month. Life got busy, stress built up, and before we knew it, we hit a wall—what we now call “disconnection week.”

In this episode, we’re pulling back the curtain to share how we navigated those difficult moments in real time. Whether you’ve been married 5 months or 50 years, connection takes intentional work. Conflict will come, but how you handle it makes all the difference.

If you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

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In this insightful Q&A session, the Vallottons tackle 5 questions submitted by listeners pertaining to marriage and friendship.

Questions Answered in This Episode:

When one spouse feels the need for separation to heal and rebuild, but the other is unwilling, what do you do?
Make a real plan if you separate, and get help doing it
Build a NEW marriage, not fix the old
Focus present-future, and not on the tangle from the past
Real justice is getting what God paid for, not getting an apology
What specific emotional needs are unhealthy in opposite sex friendships?
It’s less about a specific list of needs that are or aren’t ok to be met by an opposite sex friend. It’s more about the depth of intimacy in ANY area that you allow yourself to go to.
When you invest emotional intimacy into friendships with the opposite sex, and then that person finds a committed partner, you’re putting yourself in a position to be left and wondering if your heart is valuable.
Our single seasons are meant for investing in same-sex friendships and vibrant community, not opposite-sex intimacy.
Do you have any suggestions for dealing with narcissistic tendencies in a spouse?
Be careful not to label your spouse with a disorder! Selfishness and an inability to care for you well does not make your spouse a narcissist.
There are true narcissists, however! You should get a professional to help you diagnose and treat.
Ultimately a narcissist will need a full rewiring, which they’ll need a professional to help with.
Use healthy boundaries in the process!
How do you recharge well when you have a marriage and family and work to take care of?
Plan ahead
Get small breaks but plan for the full recharge moments
Grow in an awareness of HOW you like to fully recharge
Become a great teammate with your spouse so you get the support you need without derailing your family when you need to recharge.
I’m a husband and a father that loves God, but I just don’t feel a lot of purpose or motivation, and I keep getting stuck in this rut. What should I do?
Men get trapped in being self-focused and forget that the POINT of focusing on me is so I can be great for other people.
Cure to addiction, not wanting to be present at home
Life should be about leading others well, not just self
Being a leader is one of the most important jobs on the planet. Moses freed 400 years of bondage because he lead…

If you've enjoyed this podcast, would you consider financially supporting the show? Every donation, big and small, helps the Vallottons continue to prioritize making this content for you. Click this link to support! Thank you!

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Have you ever wondered how faith can transform your life and relationships? In this special episode, the Vallotton’s are honored to be joined by Dru Hammer, an extraordinary woman whose journey of faith and resilience shines through in every aspect of her life.

Dru Hammer, originally from Tulsa, Oklahoma, shares the profound spiritual awakening of her father, which is captured in her book Hammered. Her story reveals the power of faith to transform individuals and families, especially in times of hardship. From navigating divorce and infidelity to finding peace and healing through a spiritual pilgrimage to Israel, Dru's journey of forgiveness, resilience, and the divine guidance that shaped her path offers hope to anyone facing life's struggles.

One of the most powerful moments in this episode is when Dru talks about a heart-shaped stone she found on her trip to Israel, symbolizing renewed hope and God's ever-present love. She emphasizes the importance of surrounding oneself with supportive friends, spiritual leaders, and immersing in Biblical teachings to find strength during life's darkest moments.

Parenting and personal growth also take center stage as Dru shares her experiences raising children with strong faith-based values in a world that increasingly questions religion. She opens up about her son Armie's journey from deep church involvement to questioning his faith, and the challenges she faced as a single parent post-divorce. Her volunteer work at the Los Angeles Dream Center adds another layer to her story, revealing how helping others in recovery led to her own unexpected spiritual growth and support.

This heartfelt episode closes with Dru's inspiring message about the importance of faith, resilience, and never giving up, no matter the challenges. Whether you're seeking solace, direction, or simply want to hear an incredible story of hope, this episode is a testament to the power of faith to heal and transform.

Tune in for a conversation full of wisdom, faith, and the reminder that you are never alone in your journey.

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Lauren introduces the episode by announcing that applications for The Marriage Intensive are open!

As the fourth and final episode in The Measure of Marriage series, the Vallottons introduce Riley and Candace Stuart to listeners as a young married couple who have been able to identify issues, work on them, and experience the beautiful fruit of working hard on their marriage connection. Get ready to be inspired by their love story and the practical insights they offer from their six-year relationship.

Ever wondered what it’s like to navigate the early stages of marriage? Riley and Candace open up about the unexpected pressures and challenges they faced in their first year. Riley reveals the stress and anxiety he felt trying to live up to his own expectations as a husband, while Candace emphasizes the transformative power of empathy and compassion. Their stories of personal growth and mutual support highlight the essential role of humility and understanding in overcoming marital hurdles.

Investing in your personal growth and relationship can be truly transformative. Riley and Candace discuss the pitfalls of passivity and people-pleasing, and the significant impact professional help had on their communication and emotional well-being. Learn from their experiences about the importance of validating each other's emotions, preparing for future challenges, and maintaining a strong, connected partnership. Don’t miss this episode packed with practical tools and heartfelt stories that can help any couple foster a deeper, more resilient bond.

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Lauren opens the episode by setting the context for today’s discussion as part 3 in a 4-part mini series with today’s topic being “dynamic” couples. Listeners should visit jasonandlaurenvallotton.com to take the free marriage assessment to get a real-time look at the state of your relationship. Understanding the three possible categories is essential to chart a pathway forward for growth in your marriage.

Segment 1: What Does a Dynamic Marriage Feel Like?

Jason begins by describing the feelings associated with a dynamic marriage, where both partners feel valued and connected:

For Women: Feeling known, seen, heard, and valued.
For Men: Feeling respected and believed in.
Trust and Safety: Both partners believe they can tell the truth to one another and that the other is their safest place.
Presence and Teamwork: Feeling each other’s presence and making decisions as a team.
Hope for the Future: Believing in their ability to navigate hardships together with hope.

Jason emphasizes that life isn’t necessarily easier for these couples, but they have practiced the necessary skills so much that they know what to do when challenges arise.

Segment 2: Contributors to a Dynamic Marriage

Jason discusses the key factors that contribute to a dynamic and thriving marriage:

Covenant Commitment: A deep, unwavering commitment to each other.
Emotional Connection: Maintaining a strong emotional bond.
Communication and Conflict Resolution: Effective communication and the ability to resolve conflicts constructively.
Standards and Boundaries: The ability to set and keep standards that support the relationship.
Turning Towards Each Other: Making a habit of turning towards each other first, especially in times of stress.
Teamwork: Operating as a team in all aspects of life.

Segment 3: How to Achieve a Dynamic Marriage

Jason provides actionable steps couples can take to move towards a dynamic marriage:

Understanding Your Normal: Recognizing what is “normal” in your relationship and identifying what adjustments are needed to create a culture that both partners feel good about.
Practice Makes Perfect: Continuously practicing new ways of being, thinking, and communicating until they become the new normal.
Trust-Building: Trust is often built when someone makes a mistake and then takes responsibility to clean it up, reinforcing safety and reliability in the relationship.

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Lauren opens the episode by setting the context for today’s discussion as part 2 in a 4-part mini series with today’s topic being “developing” couples. Listeners should visit jasonandlaurenvallotton.com to take the free marriage assessment to get a real-time look at the state of your relationship. Understanding the three possible categories is essential to chart a pathway forward for growth in your marriage.

Segment 1: Recognizing the Need for Growth

Jason describes the subtle signs that signal a marriage needs development. These signs might manifest as a feeling that the marriage should be better, or they might surface after a significant event that reveals the need for work to achieve a healthy relationship.

Key points discussed include:

"Good Enough" Syndrome: Couples might feel they are “good enough” but still experience loneliness in certain areas, avoiding painful topics while focusing on what works well.
Dissatisfaction: A feeling of dissatisfaction without clarity on whether it’s valid or how to address it.
Partial Understanding: Feeling only partially known by your partner, recognizing areas in the marriage that lack strength, particularly in communication and conflict resolution.
Recurring Disagreements: Persistent disagreements that never seem to find true resolution, often leading to fear of expressing true thoughts or feelings.

Segment 2: Contributors to a Developing Marriage

Jason dives into the factors that contribute to a marriage being in a developing stage, emphasizing the lack of intentional growth.

Key factors include:

Outdated Skills: Many couples continue using communication, connection, and conflict resolution skills that they developed in high school, which are no longer sufficient.
Pressure of Life: The added responsibilities of kids and full-time work put immense pressure on marriage, necessitating growth in both capacity and competency.
Outdated Operating Systems: Jason likens it to using an old operating system under new pressures, which leads to feeling overwhelmed and quickly bankrupt in key areas of the relationship.
Accumulation of Unresolved Issues: Over time, unresolved conflicts build up, creating ongoing pain, and couples have less grace for old, painful habits. The attitude of “that’s just who I am” can become a barrier to growth.

Segment 3: Moving Toward Connection and Growth

Jason outlines the steps necessary for couples to transition from a developing stage to a more connected and fulfilling marriage. He shares insights, observing that many couples experience a great awakening, often after a failure, which leads to a determination to rebuild their marriage.

Steps to move forward include:

Identifying Pain Points: Couples must be willing to focus on what they are contributing to the issues, taking ownership of their actions.
Setting Clear Targets: A clear and consistent plan is essential. Couples should agree on targets and work together to achieve them.
Relying on Guidance: Counseling, courses, or other structured programs can be invaluable. Jason emphasizes the importance of trusting someone else’s plan rather than trying to navigate the challenges alone. Making an investment in professional guidance can be a game-changer.

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Lauren opens the episode by setting the context for today’s discussion as part 1 in a 4-part mini series with today’s topic being “disconnected” couples. She encourages listeners to visit jasonandlaurenvallotton.com to take the free marriage assessment, a tool designed to give a real-time look at the state of your relationship. She emphasizes that understanding the three possible categories is essential to chart a pathway forward for growth in your marriage.

Segment 1: Understanding Disconnection in Marriage

Jason begins by sharing a profound truth: “People don’t fall out of love; they become disconnected.” He then dives into the feelings and signs of disconnection:

Your partner feels like the enemy: You might find yourself arguing with them, even when they’re not around.
Emotional Safety: You feel unsafe to share your true emotions, leading to hiding or dishonesty.
Building a Case: You spend time thinking about how you’re right and they’re wrong, instead of seeking connection.
Self-Protection: You stop asking for help, become self-sufficient, and focus on meeting your needs independently.

Segment 2: Contributors to a Disconnected Marriage

Jason shares a personal story from early in his marriage, where unresolved conflict led him to shut down emotionally. He explains that poor communication and conflict resolution skills are major contributors to disconnection. However, he clarifies that conflict itself isn’t the problem; it’s the inability to work through it effectively.

Key points discussed include:

Past Traumas and Unhealed Pain: How these can dictate decisions and create barriers to connection.
Addictions: The role of substances or behaviors like alcohol, porn, drugs, or overwork in eroding trust and credibility in a marriage.
Self-Love: Jason emphasizes that your ability to love and care for yourself directly impacts how you love your partner.

Segment 3: Moving Toward Connection

Jason talks about the importance of courage, compassion, authenticity, and vulnerability in creating pathways to connection. He references Brené Brown’s book Daring Greatly (link), underscoring that connection starts with personal responsibility.

He highlights the following steps:

Ownership and Humility: Jason shares a personal story of a fight outside the church, illustrating the importance of focusing on your part in a conflict.
Gottman’s Repair Attempts: Referencing a fight in Hawaii, Jason discusses the value of repair attempts in restoring connection. He points listeners to Gottman’s book (link).
Making Amends: Jason advises that sometimes reconnection requires making amends, especially when your partner hasn’t felt seen, heard, known, or validated in their pain.

Resources:

Vallotton's Marriage Connection Assessment
Brown’s Daring Greatly: Amazon Link
Gottman’s The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: Amazon Link

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The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert

Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

In this enlightening episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton sit down with Ken Williams, a father of four and co-founder of the Changed Movement, to discuss one of the most critical and often challenging topics for parents today: how to talk to your kids about sex and sexuality. Ken shares his transformative journey of overcoming same-sex attraction and dedicating his life to helping others.

This episode emphasizes the 'first mention principle,' guiding parents on how to be the primary source of information for their children on topics of sex and sexuality. They dive deep into the following points:

Key Talking Points:

When and How to Talk to Your Kids About Sex
Timing is Key: Understanding when to start conversations about sex with your children and how to approach it based on their age and maturity.
Parental Responsibility: Discussing how character development and sex education is primarily the role of the parent, referencing Dr. Stan Jones’ principles on the subject.
Age-Based Conversations: Jason and Ken outline the age-appropriate conversations every parent should have to ensure comprehensive sexual education for their kids.
Resource Highlight: God’s Design for Sex by Dr. Stan Jones is recommended as a foundational resource for parents.
Stewarding the Power of Sexuality
Ken’s Insights: Helping your children understand and steward the powerful aspects of sexuality and reproduction responsibly.
Vision and Development: Why attaching a clear vision to your children’s development helps prevent emotions and circumstances from dictating their views on sexuality.
Avoiding the Pitfall of “The Talk”: Exploring where parents often go wrong by treating sex education as a one-time conversation rather than an ongoing dialogue.
Purpose Behind the Drive: The importance of helping kids understand why they have a sex drive and how vision gives purpose to the discipline needed to protect it.
Addressing Gender Confusion and Identity
Cultural Shifts: Jason and Ken discuss the rising percentage of young people identifying as LGBTQ+ and the cultural changes influencing this shift.
Core Values vs. Cultural Norms: How parents can uphold their core beliefs and values while navigating relationships in a society with diverse views on gender and sexuality.
Building Strong Identity: Practical advice for building a strong sense of identity in your kids to combat confusion about gender and sexuality.
Compassion and Truth: Encouraging parents to raise kids who show compassion towards others while holding onto truth, and discussing the lies being fed to kids about gender identity.
Personal Story: Jason shares his own story of navigating fear and confusion about his sexual identity.

Resources Mentioned:

Moral Revolution's Parent Well: A valuable resource for parents navigating these complex topics.
God’s Design for Sex: A recommended read by Dr. Stan Jones.
Changed Movement: Visit ChangedMovement.com and check out their ebook “Self Discovery” for more insights and support.

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Full Set - God's Design for Sex Series, 4 Books: Revised and Updated Edition By: Stan Jones, Brenna Jones (Paperback) 2019

This is the second part in a three part series on Parenting the Hard Stuff! In this episode, Jason and Lauren Vallotton sit down with Ben and Brittney Serpell, parents of three and Senior Leaders at Loving on Purpose, to discuss the challenges of guiding children through the world of dating.

Key Discussion Points:

Imperfect Parenting: Brittney Serpell shares her thoughts on navigating the ups and downs of parenting, emphasizing the importance of connection with your children.
When is the Right Time to Start Dating? The Serpells discuss the idea that there is no "one size fits all" answer, as each child is unique. They stress the importance of maturity, connection with parents, and a relationship with God in guiding this decision.
Preparing Kids for Dating: Learn how to set expectations for your children as they start exploring romantic relationships. The Serpells discuss the importance of helping kids understand the emotions and decisions that come with liking someone.
Purpose of Dating: We explore the idea that dating in youth should be about getting to know someone, having fun, and learning about yourself—rather than searching for a lifelong partner.
Parental Intervention: The Serpells share a personal story about their daughter Delani and how they navigated a challenging dating situation. They also offer advice on when and how parents should step in if things aren’t going well.
Navigating Screens in Dating: With technology playing a significant role in today’s dating world, Ben and Brittney discuss the importance of helping kids filter their communication and make wise choices.
Leading Kids Through Dating: The conversation delves into guiding children through the emotional, physical, and relational aspects of dating, emphasizing the need to balance validation with pointing them toward healthy relationships.
Understanding Love vs. Passion: The Serpells talk about helping kids differentiate between love and passion, and the importance of maturity in relationships.

Affiliate Linked Resources:
Imperfect Parenting by Brittney Serpell is recommended for parents who are wanting to grow in connection-based parenting.

Dr. Meg Meeker's books are recommended for parents who working to build their sons and daughters.

Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters
Strong Mothers, Strong Sons

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Strong Mothers, Strong Sons: Lessons Mothers Need to Raise Extraordinary Men

Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know

None

Biggest Challenges Parents Face:The primary challenges include managing the pervasive presence of technology and its impact on children. Parents must prioritize training their children in godly principles. The need for intentionality is crucial, as the internet is actively influencing and potentially addicting children to screens.

45% of teens report being online almost constantly (Pew Research Center). The average age for creating a first social media account is 12.6 years. Parents must evaluate their own technology use to effectively guide their children.

Technology's Influence on Development:

Technology affects emotional, social, and cognitive development, particularly in early childhood. Excessive screen time can lead to:

Addiction due to dopamine hits
A lack of essential life skills, resulting in instant gratification, a false sense of accomplishment and poor relationship/communication skills
Decreased attention spans:
The AAP recommends no more than one 1 of screen time per day for children aged 2 to 5 and consistent limits for older kids. Kids aged 8 to 12 spend an average of 4.75 hours on screens daily (2023 study).
60% of parents with children aged 8 to 12 are worried about online privacy.
Nearly 40% of children aged 10 to 17 report being bullied online.

Practical Suggestions:

Teach children that trust and connection are the most valuable commodities. “If I trust you, you get so much freedom.”
Create age-appropriate boundaries for technology use.
Enforce boundaries without fostering conflict or resentment.
Encourage children to set their own boundaries.
Delay giving children phones until at least 8th grade.
Establish a bedtime for phones.
Consider options like the GABB phone and Bark phone
Tailor screen time based on the level of freedom your child can handle.

Recommended Resources:

Defend Young Minds - Vallotton affiliate links
- Brain Defense resources for families, classrooms, schools, etc.
- Brain Defense home page
Amazon affiliate link to books
- Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr.
- Good Pictures, Bad Pictures for older kids
Protect Young Eyes
Common Sense Media

Guests: Cole & Caitlin Zick, Pastors of Risen King Church in Redding, CA, and Former Directors of Moral Revolution

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Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr.: A Simple Plan to Protect Young Minds

Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today's Young Kids

Episode Overview:

In this heartfelt episode, Jason and Lauren delve into the transformative power of life with Jesus and how it serves as the ultimate foundation for relational health. They share personal stories, reflect on their spiritual journeys, and discuss the profound impact of understanding Jesus as both a savior and a relational companion.

Key Discussion Points:

The Vallotton’s Foundations of Faith:
- Jason’s Upbringing: Jason recounts growing up in a home where the supernatural was a regular part of life. With parents who pastored a small community church, Jason experienced a world where the angelic and the demonic were very real, shaping his understanding of faith.
- Lauren’s Journey: Lauren reflects on her evolving understanding of salvation, contrasting her early perceptions with her deeper, more mature insights today.
Understanding Salvation:
- Early vs. Present Views: Lauren discusses how her concept of salvation as a young girl differed from her current perspective, emphasizing the relational aspect of Jesus over mere religious concepts.
- Relationship with Jesus: Both hosts highlight the significance of Jesus’s promise to be with us, focusing on how this relationship is central to overcoming life's challenges and finding true peace.
Favorite Scriptures:
- Philippians 4: Emphasis on peace and contentment through Christ.
- James 1: Insights on perseverance and wisdom.
- Joshua 1:9: Encouragement to be strong and courageous, with God’s presence.
- Isaiah 12:2: The joy and salvation found in trusting God.
Christ’s Role in Our Lives:
- Relational Health: The discussion centers on how Jesus takes upon Himself our impossibilities, shortcomings, and burdens, offering a relationship that surpasses mere religious practice.
- The Ultimate Price: Jason and Lauren reflect on the beautiful truth that Christ not only addresses our struggles but desires a deep, personal relationship with us.

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In this episode, the Vallottons share some insights after their recent experience when Jason handled solo parenting for six days while Lauren was away. Families can set themselves up for success during these times by paying attention to the following categories and planning ahead!

Prep for Leaving:

Ask the Right Questions: Before you leave, ask your partner if there's anything specific they would love you to do or set up. It's important to know their actual needs versus what you think might help.
Babysitters and Meals: Arrange for babysitters and meal planning in advance to reduce the stress on your partner.
Household Tasks: Take care of essential household tasks before leaving to ensure a smooth operation while you're away.
Lists: Create a list of important information, but don’t be surprised if it’s not needed.
Packing: Don’t wait until the last minute to pack. Being prepared ahead of time reduces stress for everyone.

Setting the Kids Up for Success:

Thoughtful Gestures: Find ways to help the kids feel connected while you're gone.
FaceTime Flexibility: Don’t force FaceTime calls if the kids are not in the right mood. It's better to have quality conversations when everyone is in a good place.
Routine Maintenance: Keep the kids' routine as consistent as possible, even when one parent is away. This helps provide stability.
Activity Planning: Make a plan for fun activities the kids will enjoy.

Couples Connect:

Virtual Dates: It’s possible to have an intimate date via FaceTime. Set aside time to connect as a couple even when apart.
Processing Time: Allow each other time to process the separation and share feelings, even while apart.
Small Touchpoints: Send small, thoughtful messages or texts to stay connected throughout the day.

Think About Re-Entry Ahead of Time:

Itinerary Planning: Consider your return itinerary based on your needs and those of the family.
Expectation Management: Acknowledge that being away is not always a vacation. Coming home might not mean feeling refreshed. Plan accordingly to accommodate both partners' needs.
Physical Intimacy: It's important to discuss and manage expectations about sex when returning from a trip.
Re-entry Stress: Talk as a couple about potential re-entry stress and how to mitigate it.

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Money can be a tough topic for marriages and relationships, especially in today's challenging financial climate. Finances can become a minefield for some couples, but achieving a life of peace and power in every area, including finances, is possible. Peace isn't about the absence of conflict or troubles; it's about having a plan.

In this dynamic and empowering episode, Jason Vallotton sits down with his good friend Chris Lamm, owner of Mortgage One in Redding, California, and host of the Money Whole podcast. Together, they address the keys to moving towards financial freedom and fostering financial harmony in relationships.

Seek Expertise: Find someone who’s better at managing finances than you and ask for help.
Budgeting: Utilize a personal family budget to track and manage expenses effectively.
Long-Term Vision: Create a long-term vision for where you want to be financially, then reverse-engineer that vision to set achievable goals.
Strategic Financial Management: Be strategic with income, investments, and savings by either increasing your income, cutting unnecessary spending, or both.
Overcoming Barriers: Address barriers to financial growth, including fear and uncertainty.
Take Action: Take proactive steps towards your financial goals, no matter how small they may seem.

Quotes:

"Peace isn't the absence of conflict or troubles; it exists when you have a plan."
"People want to feel powerful in every area of life, finances included."

Resources:

Mortgage One
Money Whole Podcast

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In this insightful Q&A session, the Vallottons tackle some of the most pressing questions about relationships, marriage, and friendship.

Questions Answered in This Episode:

Sexual Attraction in Marriage After Weight Gain
- Discussion Points:
  - Understanding how physical changes can impact attraction.
  - Strategies to maintain intimacy and emotional connection.
  - Fostering open and honest communication with your partner about these changes.
Dealing with Insecurities: Boyfriend's Gorgeous Female Friend
- Discussion Points:
  - Navigating feelings of insecurity and jealousy in a relationship.
  - Importance of trust and open dialogue with your partner.
  - Setting healthy boundaries.
Building a Friend Group as a Guy: Importance of Thriving Marriages
- Discussion Points:
  - The challenge of finding male friends who are committed to their marriages.
  - How to cultivate friendships that support and reinforce positive relationship values.
  - Evaluating the importance of shared values in friendships with regards to taking ownership over areas of your life that need work.
Knowing When to Stop Fighting for Your Marriage
- Discussion Points:
  - Make these decisions with wise counsel who know you and are in your daily life with you.
  - Rebuilding a solid marriage with a willing spouse is always better than divorce.
  - You can’t control anyone but yourself.
Dealing with Chronic Illness and Sexual Dysfunction in Marriage
- Discussion Points:
  - Understanding the impact of chronic illness on marital intimacy.
  - Ways to maintain physical affection and emotional closeness.
  - Communicating needs and finding solutions together as a couple.

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In any deep relationship, having hard conversations is unavoidable. It's not the conflict itself that destroys connection, but rather the behavior within the conflict. Research shows that how you start a conversation determines how it ends with 80% accuracy. In this episode, we delve into the essential skill of engaging in difficult conversations in a way that builds connection rather than tearing it apart. Join the Vallottons as they explore practical strategies and mindsets for navigating these challenging moments with grace and empathy, ultimately strengthening your relationships.

5 Keys to Having Hard Conversations Well:

Leave Assumptions About Motives at the Door:
- Recognize it’s easy to see a situation only from your perspective.
- Understand there’s always another perspective and we rarely assume the best when emotions are high.
- Avoid deciding why someone does what they do or what is happening for them.
Seek to Understand:
- Ask questions like “Can you help me understand?” instead of “Why would you do that?”
- Approach the conversation with curiosity and openness.
Soft Startup:
- Use “I” statements to talk about yourself.
- Avoid using accusatory language like “You always…” or “You make me…”
Look for Win-Wins:
- Strive for outcomes that benefit both parties.
- Focus on mutual respect and understanding.

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Episode 76 is a message that Jason Vallotton preached at Bethel Church on Father’s Day, 2024! Following the annual BraveCo men’s conference, Jason recalls testimonies and big wins from BraveCo’s largest men’s event of the year before diving into a profoundly impactful message.

Drawing lessons from the creation story in Genesis, Jason explores how God's structured approach to creating the world can offer us valuable insights for managing our own lives. Each day of creation holds a lesson on bringing order to our personal chaos.

To wrap it up, Jason confronts chaos head-on, exploring themes of divine order and the necessity of setting boundaries. Personal stories highlight financial struggles and the fears that come with instability, offering lessons from biblical stories like the Israelites in the wilderness. He shares the importance of seeking support and true repentance as keys to transforming chaos into order in every area of life.

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After a two-week vacation, the Vallottons are back with an insightful episode on what to do in marriage emergencies. In this episode of Dates, Mates, and Babies, they dive deep into what truly constitutes an "emergency" in a marriage relationship. Whether it's the utterance of "I'm done" from one or both partners, the toxic presence of the Four Horsemen (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling), or severe issues like infidelity and addiction, they explore the signs and solutions. If you're feeling the weight of unresolved conflicts, avoiding emotional and physical connection, or dealing with major mistrust, this episode is for you.

Key Points:

Identifying an Emergency:
- One or both partners saying, “I’m done.”
- Presence of the Four Horsemen: Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
- Unresolved conflicts leading to bitterness and hopelessness.
- Avoiding emotional and physical connection.
- Infidelity and addiction.
- Major mistrust.
Steps to Take During a Relationship Emergency:
- Don't Try to Solve It Alone:
  - Reach out to a counselor.
  - Seek support from friends.
  - Trust someone more than yourself.
- Developing a Real Plan:
  - Emergencies require real plans and a willingness to adhere to them.
  - Avoid making plans without accountability. Who’s on your team?
  - Ensure your plans are SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound), not fluid or subjective.
- Establishing Boundaries:
  - Understand what boundaries look like in marriage and how they are not “controlling.”
  - Discuss when separation might be appropriate and helpful.
- Communicating with Your Kids:
  - What to tell your kids and when to share it.
Common Mistakes Couples Make:
- Trying to fix a marriage when they’re really burned out.
- Unwillingness to take ownership of their part.
- Reluctance to try again after previous efforts have failed.

Takeaways:

Understanding what constitutes a relationship emergency is crucial for timely intervention.
Seeking external help and creating accountable, structured plans are vital steps.
Setting and respecting boundaries can prevent further damage and facilitate healing.
Communicating appropriately with children can mitigate their emotional burden.
Avoiding common pitfalls can pave the way for more effective solutions and renewed efforts in saving the relationship.

Tune in to gain insights and practical advice on navigating these challenging times in your relationship. Don't miss out on expert guidance and supportive strategies to help you through your relationship emergencies.

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In May of 2024, Jason and Lauren spoke at an online event with the thriving singles ministry at Life Center Church in New York City about the foundations of relational health! This episode is part two of a two part message about connection as the bedrock of relational health.

This portion is a recording of the Q&A time we shared with Life Center Church at their singles event.

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In May of 2024, Jason and Lauren spoke at an online event with the thriving singles ministry at Life Center Church in New York City about the foundations of relational health! This episode is part one of a two part message about connection as the bedrock of relational health.

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In this weeks episode, hosts, Jason & Lauren Vallotton answer five questions sent in by listeners like you! Topics include the following:

How do you have boundaries with all the different roles you carry in life?
Where do I begin in rebuilding a dead marriage?
What do you do with the tangible reminders of a relationship that has ended, like photos, dried flowers, gifts, etc?
How can you create healthy boundaries in marriage?
How does a young woman get ready for a healthy relationship?

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In this enlightening episode, the Vallottons peel back the layers on the complex art of motherhood, equipping you with five transformative strategies that promise to shift your perspective and nurture your soul. In short:

Take care of yourself first!
Build a support network!
Prioritize your marriage over your children!
Watch out for over-responsibility and shame!
Plan for success!

From the imperative of self-care, likened to the crucial oxygen masks on airplanes, to the power of a robust support network, the Vallottons guide you through the essentials that will not only help you flourish as a mother but also teach your children the vital importance of self-respect and personal well-being.

As glasses are raised to Mother's Day, the Vallottons also shine a light on the often-overlooked cornerstone of a happy family life: your marriage. Witness as they unravel the reasons why placing your partnership before parenting isn't just good for you and your spouse, but it's the foundation for a stable, loving environment for your children.

Alongside heartfelt wisdom and anecdotes, they explore the pitfalls of parenting from a place of over-responsibility and shame, and offer a peaceful, faith-centered paradigm to replace the fear and comparison that can so easily infiltrate our lives.

Join the Vallottons for a journey into the heart of motherhood, where joy and balance are not just possible—they're within reach.

ChatGPT can make mistakes. Check important info.

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In the 70th episode of their podcast, celebrating a quarter-million downloads, The Vallottons delve into the concept of emotional bank accounts. They guide listeners through recognizing the subtle signs of emotional depletion and emphasize the importance of self-care to maintain inner resilience. From navigating the challenges of loss and parenthood, they advocate for replenishing one's spirit through activities that bring joy and fulfillment to everyday life.

Drawing from the insights of the Gottman Institute, The Vallottons explore the dynamics of emotional exchanges in relationships, particularly within marriages. They highlight the institute's recommendation of maintaining a golden ratio of five positive interactions to every negative one for a thriving partnership. The hosts offer practical advice on making intentional deposits into the love account through affirmations, encouragement, and thoughtful gestures that nurture the bond between partners.

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This episode is a discussion between hosts Jason and Lauren Vallotton about the importance of deep and fulfilling adult friendships. Inspired by recent events and discussions with others in their community, Jason and Lauren wanted to talk specifically about their own personal journeys in adult friendships as well as the practical things that people can do in order to foster deep and meaningful friendships.

Inheriting a legacy of robust friendships, as exemplified by Lauren's mother, sets the stage for weaving those threads into the fabric of the Vallottons' own lives and marriage. Jason and Lauren talk about weathering the dissolution of old ties and the nurturing of new ones, all while seeking that sweet spot where companionship and friendship intersects with personal growth. Walls are torn down to reveal the stark reality of loneliness, with insights from Barna Research on discipleship and companionship being dissected, alongside sharing intimate anecdotes. Lauren and Jason candidly exchange notes on the power of shared experiences and regular check-ins, showcasing how these small, intentional acts can fortify the bridges between them.

This episode serves as a reflection, a conversation, and an invitation to embrace the profound changes in how success, happiness, and fulfillment are viewed, both in careers and personal lives. It's about setting foundations for friendships that are as solid and enduring as the values held dear, and it's about opening up to the enriching experiences that come from investing in the people around us.

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This Q&A session is a follow-up on the recent Sex Series (episodes 62-67) and includes questions from listeners pertaining to individual, dating and marriage scenarios. The following topics are covered, and we've attached some links to other resources related:

Healing from sexual past, including memories
Restoration of virginity and the healing process
Dating people who have extreme sexual history such as visiting prostitutes, porn, homosexuality, etc
Dating someone who is actively struggling with pornography but aggressively pursuing freedom
Partners who are experiencing grief as they process their partner's sexual past
Building trust in the healing process
Differing sex drives in marriage
Chronic illness and its impact on sexual relationship in marriage

RESOURCES:

Moral Revolution Blog
The Whole Man Project (for men regarding sexual wholeness)
DMB Episodes on Processing Pain:
Episode 20: A Plan for Pain, Part 1
Episode 21: A Plan for Pain, Part 2

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In the final episode of the Sex Series, the spotlight shifts to the intricate interplay of women's health and sex in the context of marriage. Rebekah LaRobardiere, a certified sex and relationship coach, joins the discussion, guiding listeners through the delicate dance of intimacy experienced by women from adolescence to menopause. Together, they explore the dynamic relationship between the body's natural rhythms and the emotional resonance of relationships, offering empathy and understanding to harmonize these elements into a loving melody.

The discussion begins with an exploration of the challenges inherent in navigating intimate waters amidst life's transitions. Shedding light on the unspoken struggles that can turn sex into a choreographed routine, rather than a spontaneous expression of love, they delve into both psychological and physiological aspects. Rebekah shares insights into the transformative potential of communication, addressing issues such as painful sex and psychological barriers, and highlighting how a deeper understanding of one's body can enhance intimate connections.

The conversation concludes with a heartfelt reflection on the delicate balance between self-care and the demands of intimacy, particularly for mothers. It serves as a reminder that self-nurturance is not a solitary endeavor but an essential component of a healthy relationship. Through Rebekah's guidance, they emphasize the importance of setting personal boundaries with grace and the empowering potential of taking ownership of one's choices in the bedroom and beyond. Tune in to elevate your relationship's choreography to an art form, where each step is taken with care, understanding, and a shared sense of rhythm.

Rebekah Joy LaRobardiere is a seasoned explorer delving into the intricacies of human connection, particularly in the realms of sexuality and relationships. Rebekah embarked on her journey in 2004 when she married her Love, initiating a voyage marked by love, laughter, tears, and continual growth.

As a certified Sex and Relationship Coach, Rebekah brings not only a wealth of credentials but also a profound sense of empathy, humor, and genuine humanity to her practice. With just shy of two decades of dedicated engagement in her field, she holds certifications as a sexuality educator, complemented by a background in psychology and extensive study in Somatic Experiencing theory.

Moreover, Rebekah is passionate about empowering women to embrace their true selves, advocating for an appreciation of the natural cycles and phases that define our existence. By cultivating self-awareness and authenticity, individuals not only enrich their own lives but also create opportunities for those around them to pursue their desires with confidence.

It's essential to dispel the misconception that Rebekah, as a Sex and Relationship Coach, hasn’t had the same struggles as many of you. On the contrary, her journey is a testament to the messy, yet beautiful, nature of human connection—a journey marked by resilience, growth, intentionality, and profound moments of tenderness. Alongside her partner, Rebekah has navigated challenges, celebrated triumphs, and embraced the transformative power of change.

Connect with her on social media (@rjlcoaching) and explore her insights further at www.rjlcoaching.com.

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In this episode, listeners are invited to explore the complexities of marital intimacy overshadowed by past trauma, physical challenges and addiction through the compassionate insights of Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill from Connection Codes. The journey promised entails a path towards healing and a profound emotional bond between partners.

Together, the hosts delve into the intricate dynamics of sexual trauma within marriage, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging and addressing old wounds for their dissolution. Utilizing the 'issue-specific core emotion wheel,' they navigate tender memories and advocate for the 'power of the ooh,' a simple yet impactful expression of empathy strengthening spousal bonds.

Listeners are also encouraged to challenge their perceptions as the discussion also addresses the misunderstood condition of vaginismus, shedding light on its emotional foundations that contribute to a significant majority of cases. The discourse underscores the essential relationship between physical affection and emotional security, emphasizing the need for a tranquil sanctuary for sexual pleasure.

Furthermore, the conversation explores the emotional weight often carried by men and women in response to sexual rejection and the importance of seeking external guidance when stuck in patters of current or past sexual addiction.

Ultimately, the episode serves as more than just an informative resource; it's a heartfelt guide tailored for couples striving to honor God's design for sex within the sanctity of marriage. Through transparent communication and shared empathy, listeners are offered insights to enrich their connection and strengthen their relationship.

Discount on all Connection Codes courses with the code JAY!

Hills' Bio:
Dr Glenn Hill is a marriage and family therapist, clinical sexologist, Connection Codes
coach and author with a private practice in Nashville, TN. He considers his greatest
credential to be his 40-year marriage with Phyllis. He enjoys doing absolutely anything
with her, especially traveling and spending time with their family of twenty.

Phyllis Hill is an entrepreneur, Connection Codes coach and the engine that keeps
everything running. She enjoys the partnership and adventures she and Glenn share
and loves being “Honey” to their ten grandchildren.

The pain of their early married years along with decades of research and experience led
the Hills to the founding of The Connection Codes. They counsel couples, families,
individuals, churches and businesses in building deep connection. They are passionate
about the Connection Codes because of the effect on their relationship, as well as
seeing the effect for countless others. It is the Hills’ mission to take the Connection
Codes to everyone on the planet.

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Jason and Lauren Vallotton host Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill from Connection Codes as guests in Part 2 of a profound exploration of the intimate conversation about Sex in Marriage.

This episode delves into the intricacies of emotional connection and how it fuels a more fulfilling sexual relationship. The Hills unravel the complexities of sex in marriage and explain that emotional safety is not just complementary to intimacy—it's foundational. The Hills' candid reflections on their journey and the practical tools they've developed, like the Core Emotion Wheel, provide actionable steps to help you articulate your feelings and desires, ensuring a richer connection with your partner.

Intentionality is the key to an enhanced intimate life. Together with Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill, the Vallottons explore the importance of understanding the unique triggers— 'brakes and accelerators'—that influence the transition into the realm of intimacy. Discover how setting the stage with the right atmosphere and a foundation of emotional connection can significantly enhance arousal and satisfaction. Sharing insights into the art of discovering what makes us feel desired, the hosts offer strategies for couples to communicate their needs effectively.

This conversation isn't just about improving your sex life; it's about elevating the entire standard of marital intimacy. Candid sharing illuminates the highs and lows of building a sexually fulfilling union, piercing through the layer of silence that often shrouds this delicate aspect of marital bliss. This episode promises an unvarnished look at the journey from purity to passion, unpacking the weighty influences of past experiences and the sheer power of connection and vulnerability between partners.

Discount on all Connection Codes courses with the code JAY!

Hills' Bio:
Dr Glenn Hill is a marriage and family therapist, clinical sexologist, Connection Codes
coach and author with a private practice in Nashville, TN. He considers his greatest
credential to be his 40-year marriage with Phyllis. He enjoys doing absolutely anything
with her, especially traveling and spending time with their family of twenty.

Phyllis Hill is an entrepreneur, Connection Codes coach and the engine that keeps
everything running. She enjoys the partnership and adventures she and Glenn share
and loves being “Honey” to their ten grandchildren.

The pain of their early married years along with decades of research and experience led
the Hills to the founding of The Connection Codes. They counsel couples, families,
individuals, churches and businesses in building deep connection. They are passionate
about the Connection Codes because of the effect on their relationship, as well as
seeing the effect for countless others. It is the Hills’ mission to take the Connection
Codes to everyone on the planet.

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Jason and Lauren Vallotton host Aaron and Jenna Zint as guests in Part 1 of a profound exploration of the intimate conversation about Sex in Marriage. These three questions, and more, are answered in this episode:

Why is sex important in marriage?
What is permissible inside of marriage, when it comes to sex?
How does sex change over time and in different seasons of life in marriage?

Their candid sharing illuminates the highs and lows of building a sexually fulfilling union, piercing through the layer of silence that often shrouds this delicate aspect of marital bliss. This episode promises an unvarnished look at the journey from purity to passion, unpacking the weighty influences of past experiences and the sheer power of connection and vulnerability between partners.

Navigating the complexities of physical desires and emotional intricacies, we engage in heartfelt discussions about the ebb and flow of sexual drives, the pressures that accompany our most intimate moments, and how these elements craft the tapestry of our relationships. The Zints, with remarkable transparency, reveal the transformative impact of addressing unmet expectations, the echo of performance anxiety in the bedroom, and the liberating act of prioritizing emotional bonds over carnal conquests. These conversations are a testament to the courage it takes to confront the unspoken, fostering a space of trust and growth for couples like Jason and Lauren, who graciously share their story.

As Jason and Lauren lead this conversation, they also contemplate the practicalities that accompany an evolving sexual relationship. This episode is an invitation for couples seeking rejuvenation and a more profound sense of togetherness. The insights of this episode serve as a lighthouse for lovers venturing through the sometimes-choppy waters of physical and emotional intimacy, offering guidance, compassion, and a shared vision for a fulfilling intimate life. Join the Vallottons to harness the transformative power of trust and communication on the sacred journey of marriage.

Aaron and Jenna Zint bring nearly 10 years of experience to emotional and relational health coaching, specializing in developing healthy habits around growth area goals. They have worked with a diverse range of male and female clients, empowering them to unlock their full potential and achieve lasting results. Aside from coaching, Jenna is a Bethel Ministry School alumni and deacon at Bethel Church in Redding, California. She runs a business called The Habit Lab. Aaron also graduated from Bethel School of Ministry and is the leader of The Whole Man Project at Bethel Church. They can also be found in the podcast space with The Habit Lab and Marriage Lab. The Zints have been married for 14 years and have three children. Jenna's passion is helping people put action-steps to their breakthrough and healing journey, and Aaron's passion is helping men break out of areas they feel stuck in. Together, they're committed to providing personalized support tailored to each client's unique needs and aspirations.

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In the second week of this Sex Series, Jason and Lauren navigate the sensitive terrains of intimacy, commitment, and faith in the context of premarital sex. Prepare to unravel the layers of emotional and spiritual significance that frame this topic, as they offer perspectives that could profoundly alter your understanding of relationships and self-control. Jason and Lauren engage in candid conversation about the reasons and ramifications of sexual purity, as seen through cultural and biblical lenses. They dissect the emotional resilience that stems from delayed gratification, and extend a compassionate hand to those reconciling their past with their ongoing spiritual journey.

The fabric of modern sexuality is thoroughly examined, revealing its intricate weave of emotional needs and societal evolution. The Vallottons scrutinize the repercussions of hypersexual relationships, considering their impact on the fundamental pillars of trust and intimacy—essentials for a lasting bond. Touching upon the seismic shift brought forth by the sexual revolution, Jason and Lauren reflect on its echoes in today's family dynamics and personal interactions. And they approach the sanctuary of marriage, we delve into the unique trust and intimacy that blooms within its protective walls, contrasting it with the transient thrills often found outside of this covenant.

Join the Vallottons on this thoughtful expedition, where the true meaning of giving, not just taking, in relationships is brought to light.

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Step into the inaugural episode of an enlightening series on human sexuality with hosts Jason and Lauren Vallotton, accompanied by special guests Cole and Caitlin Zick. Together, they embark on a journey of exploration and discovery, unraveling the complexities of desire, intimacy, and spirituality in the context of God's design for sex.

In this foundational episode, they delve into four fundamental questions that set the stage for deeper exploration in the episodes to come:

Why Did God Create Sex?
Delve into the divine purpose behind the gift of sexuality as they unpack the theological significance of human intimacy. Through scripture, personal reflection, and shared wisdom, they illuminate the sacred nature of sexual union within the context of God's overarching plan for humanity.
Why Did God Create Us With a Sex Drive?
Explore the intricate interplay between biology, psychology, and spirituality as they probe the origins of our sexual desires. Engage in a dialogue that seeks to understand how our sex drive shapes our identity, relationships, and spiritual journey.
What Happens to Us During Sex?
Peer beneath the surface of physical intimacy to uncover the profound physiological, emotional, and spiritual dynamics at play. From the release of neurotransmitters to the forging of deep connections, they shed light on the transformative power of sexual union in the human experience.
How Do You Manage a Sex Drive?
Equip yourself with practical insights and scriptural wisdom for navigating the complexities of sexual desire with integrity and grace. Discover strategies for cultivating self-awareness, setting healthy boundaries, and aligning sexual expression with personal values and relational commitments.

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In this episode, the Vallottons delve into the multifaceted journey of parenting, exploring the joys amidst the challenges. From embracing the chaos of everyday life with little ones to finding solace in routine, they uncover the valuable lessons that parenthood imparts.

The Joy of Having the Littles in the Midst of the Hardships of Life:

Parenthood is a rollercoaster ride of emotions, where moments of joy often intermingle with the challenges.
Despite the chaos and exhaustion, there's an unparalleled joy in witnessing the growth and development of our little ones.
Finding beauty in the ordinary moments, even amidst the toughest days, can be a source of profound fulfillment.

How Much Routine Matters:

Establishing a routine can provide a sense of stability and predictability for both parents and children.
Routines help foster a sense of security and confidence in children, enabling them to navigate daily life more smoothly.
While flexibility is essential, having a basic structure in place can alleviate stress and promote a more harmonious household.
Routines creates room for creativity and imagination.

Sensory/Regulation :

Understanding sensory processing and regulation is crucial for supporting children's emotional well-being.
Sensory experiences play a significant role in how children perceive and interact with the world around them.
Implementing strategies to support sensory needs can enhance children's ability to self-regulate and cope with challenges more effectively.
It's not about "gentle parenting" as much as it is "informed and wholistic parenting."

Nothing Lasts Forever:

Parenthood is a journey characterized by constant change and evolution.
The challenging phases eventually pass, making way for new experiences and milestones.
Embracing the impermanence of parenthood can cultivate a sense of resilience and adaptability, helping parents navigate transitions with grace.

Hard Times Produce Good Perspective:

Adversity has a way of shaping our perspective and priorities as parents.
Difficult times can offer valuable lessons and opportunities for personal growth.
Through resilience and perseverance, parents can emerge stronger and more resilient, equipped with newfound wisdom and perspective.

Parenting is a dynamic and transformative journey, filled with both joy and challenges. By embracing the highs and lows, finding solace in routine, and nurturing our children's sensory needs, we can navigate parenthood with grace and resilience. Remember, amidst the chaos, there's beauty in the everyday moments, and nothing lasts forever.

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This Q&A session with the Vallotton covers a variety of interesting topics! Here are the questions they cover in Episode 60:

What hard things might come up in a dating relationship that aren’t deal-breakers but should cause me to press in and explore more rather than end the relationship?
What if you connect with someone in a dating relationship in every way BUT your faith?
How do you balance friendship with your kids versus being an authoritative parent?
In a separation due to my mental health issues, how do I behave around my husband to give me the best chance of seeing my marriage restored?
What do I do when my boyfriend is emotionally unavailable because he’s hurt from his past?
How do you see your blindspots in marriage?

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Episode Summary:
In this episode, the Vallottons dive into the delicate decision of whether to end a dating relationship. With a focus on self-respect and personal well-being, they explore ten crucial reasons why staying might not be the best option.

Show Notes:

Abuse: Any form of abuse, be it physical, emotional, or verbal, should never be tolerated in a relationship. Recognizing and addressing abuse is paramount for your safety and mental health.
Constant Unresolved Conflict: Relationships are bound to have disagreements, but when conflicts remain unresolved and turn into a pattern, it may signify deeper issues that could be detrimental to the relationship's longevity.
No Ownership: Both partners need to take responsibility for their actions and contributions to the relationship. If one or both parties consistently deflect blame or refuse to acknowledge their role in conflicts, it can lead to a toxic dynamic.
Lack of Self-Control: When one or both partners struggle with controlling their impulses, emotions, or actions, it can create instability and insecurity within the relationship.
Continual Lying: Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Continuous deception erodes this trust and can cause irreparable damage to the relationship's integrity.
Lack of Enjoyment: Relationships should bring joy and fulfillment. If you find yourself consistently unhappy or unfulfilled, it's essential to assess whether the relationship is meeting your emotional needs.
Core Values Don't Align: Misalignment in core values, such as beliefs, goals, or life priorities, can lead to ongoing conflicts and dissatisfaction within the relationship.
Unwillingness to Seek Feedback or Advice: Healthy relationships require open communication and a willingness to seek guidance when needed. If one or both partners refuse to seek outside perspectives or help, it can hinder the relationship's growth and resolution of issues.
No Mutual Effort: Successful relationships thrive on mutual effort and investment from both partners. If one person consistently carries the burden of maintaining the relationship or making compromises, it can lead to resentment and imbalance.
Lack of Respect: Respect forms the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. If you find yourself lacking respect for your partner or feeling disrespected in return, it may be a sign that the relationship is no longer sustainable.

Closing Thoughts:
Ending a relationship is never easy, but prioritizing health and keeping a standard is paramount. By recognizing these ten red flags, you can make a more informed decision about whether to stay or go in your dating relationship. We can't be more afraid of being alone than we are willing to keep a healthy standard for our most intimate relationships!

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Join the Vallottons as they unwrap the mysteries of love, drawing from their own story that began just after Valentine's Day, 2010! They'll take you through the twists of their relationship, from the early days of butterflies and bashfulness to the profound bond they've nurtured over a decade. Love's true nature often gets lost in the clichés, but they're here to share how they found its deeper meaning and made it the cornerstone of their life together.

As they reflect on the question that puzzles poets and philosophers alike—"What is love?"—they offer their insights on distinguishing the fleeting from the forever. They'll explore the complexities that can be mistaken for love and discuss different forms of affection, from friendship to unconditional love, with Biblical and Greek definitions of love as the plumb line. But it's not all abstract; they'll also talk about the everyday choices and actions that sustain a lasting connection. So tune in, and let's celebrate love with a candid look at what it takes to make it thrive through every season.

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Have you ever wondered if the secret to a successful romance might be hidden in the foundations of friendship? Get ready to uncover the nuances of pre-dating as the Vallottons guide you through the art of assessing potential love interests from a platonic starting point. Navigating the transition from friendship to romance can be like walking a tightrope, but this conversation promises to equip you with the insights to maintain your balance with grace. Jason and Lauren delve into the complexities of opposite-sex friendships for singles, where clarity and integrity are paramount for respectful boundaries that don't impede on future romances. Plus, don't miss their take on the 'friend zone' conundrum and the art of striking just the right tempo between friendship and courtship.

The Vallottons share personal stories and seasoned advice on the significance of understanding a potential partner's family dynamics and the intricacies of their personal relationships. They provide a lens through which to view someone's background and values, even in seemingly casual settings, such as parties or during shared experiences. And as Jason and Lauren dissect the importance of communication in the modern dating world, they'll help you navigate the nebulous realm of physical attraction versus emotional connections, offering strategies for clear dialogue that can steer you away from the pitfalls of misinterpretation. Whether you're swiping right or meeting organically, this episode is your compass to a dating journey filled with intention and understanding.

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This Q&A sesh with the Vallotton's is fantastic content! Here are the questions they cover in Episode 56:

How did you know it was the right time to get engaged?
What are your tips for tired parents who are in the "Baby and a Toddler" season?
Can I still be feminine and initiate the first step in a romantic relationship?
What three things are essential for a deep, connected, healthy relationship with my wife?
How do you know you’re ready to date after divorce?
How do you know you’re ready to have a baby?
What's your advice for going through heartbreak and the pain of seeing him with someone else?

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The Vallottons have delved into the intricate dynamics of relationships, pondering the reasons behind the fading spark and the drifting apart of once inseparable couples. They peel back the curtain on common relationship woes, attributing them to the subtle erosion of connection and communication. In a heartfelt discussion that is both intimate and informative, the Vallottons not only share their personal journey but also impart insights gained from the trenches of love and war.

Central to their conversation is the concept of the 'Four Horsemen,' a term coined by the Gottman Institute, and for good reason. The Vallottons emphasize that behaviors like criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling can sabotage even the strongest bonds if left unchecked. Their exploration goes beyond identification, tackling these relationship adversaries head-on by providing relatable scenarios and actionable advice. The focus is on taking ownership of communication patterns and transforming them into supportive, nurturing exchanges that strengthen relationships against inevitable storms.

The Vallottons then hone in on the silent but deadly practice of stonewalling and its corrosive effects on partnerships. They guide listeners through the fine line between needing space and building walls, offering strategies for breaking negative cycles and creating a blueprint for conflict resolution. The goal is to empower listeners to turn squabbles into opportunities for growth. Whether navigating the complexities of marriage or seeking to deepen connections, this episode serves as an invaluable resource for fostering healthier, more resilient relationships.

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Navigating the intricacies of parenting with a spirit-led approach takes center stage as Seth Dahl joins the conversation! Seth, with his rich background as a children's pastor, opens up about the emotional landscapes of both parents and children, revealing how these deeply affect family dynamics. The discussion spans from tales of discipline and understanding to fostering emotional intelligence in little ones, presenting a treasure trove of insights for those seeking to cultivate a nurturing home culture.

As the delicate dance between guiding children and allowing them the space to grow into independent thinkers is unpacked, there is a reminder of the importance of setting boundaries with empathy. Seth's personal anecdotes bring to life the power of validating children's feelings, establishing a family identity, and the art of teaching respect and obedience through genuine connection. The conversation traverses the terrain of emotional communication, the benefits of contributions over chores, and the necessity of embodying healthy examples for children to emulate, all while integrating contemporary child development science with age-old wisdom.

Wrapping up the heartfelt exchange, there is reflection on the transformative shift from demanding immediate obedience to nurturing little ones through connection and co-regulation. The Vallotton's experiences with their little ones illuminate the beauty of this evolution in parenting, prioritizing emotional attunement over quick fixes. Here's to a week of meaningful connections and the delight of nurturing future world contributors!

Seth Dahl is a worldwide speaker to parents and children, and the creator of Designing God’s Home Academy, a 3 month intensive for parents to build their home in partnership with God. He is also the founder of Jesus on Every Screen: empowering churches, ministers, and kingdom businesses to effectively harness social media and reach more people with the gospel.
https://sethdahl.com/

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Welcome to a heartfelt episode where the pillars of the Bethel Redding community, Richard and Libby Gordon, invite you into the sacred space of their lives. In this intimate conversation, the Gordons generously share their personal tales of faith, marriage, and parenting, offering a poignant glimpse into the intricate tapestry of their journey.

Rich and Libby open up about their individual paths to faith, providing a rich context for the foundation of their shared spiritual journey. From their South African upbringings to their uniquely personal encounters with the power of the Holy Spirit, their stories converge to form a compelling narrative of faith's transformative power.

The episode unfolds with the Gordons delving into the intricacies of their romantic journey, from the initial sparks of dating to the profound commitment of marriage, which grows, sharpens and changes you to the beginnings of trying to build a family. Listeners are treated to the genuine and relatable aspects of their relationship, exploring the challenges and joys that come with building a life together.

The conversation takes a poignant turn as Rich and Libby bravely share their experiences with parenthood, shining a light on the often overlooked struggles of postpartum challenges. The Gordons provide a candid and raw account of navigating through a particularly difficult postpartum season, emphasizing the importance of community support and mental health resources during such trying times.

As the Gordons weave their narratives together, the audience gains a profound understanding of the delicate balance required to nurture a flourishing family dynamic while maintaining a deep commitment to faith and community service. Their story is one of resilience, hope, and the unwavering strength found in the bonds of love and partnership.

So, join us for an enriching episode as Rich and Libby Gordon invite you into their world, sharing the vulnerabilities and triumphs that have shaped their faith, marriage, and parenting journey. This conversation is not just a glimpse into their lives; it's an inspiring exploration of the transformative power of love, faith, and the enduring commitment to building a life imbued with purpose and divine connection.

Richard and Libby Gordon:
Both raised in South Africa, having worked in church, academia, and business realms, the Gordons now live in to Redding, CA with their children, Moses and Ella. They both serve on the Senior Leadership Team at Bethel Church. Libby is devoted to a life of intimacy with God. After a radical encounter with God as a teenager, she entered ministry at nineteen years old. Now she is helping to oversee Bethel's online church expression after years of leading and overseeing in the BSSM and BSSMO realms. Richard's dream is to raise up world-changers and influencers like Daniel who will shape and shift culture, encountering and ushering in the presence of God wherever they go. He comes alive, igniting the potential in people around him and seeing the Glory of God move across the earth! Richard has completed his BSc in Computer Engineering and MA in Electronic Engineering. He has had the privilege of working alongside some of the world’s best tech companies and now helps to oversee Bethel Tech and Bethel College.

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Embark on a journey with the Vallottons as they arm individuals with the strategic know-how to make the New Year not just memorable but transformational. The Vallottons peel back the layers on why setting clear goals is the secret weapon for personal and relational triumphs, emphasizing the importance of a well-crafted "battle plan" to turn dreams into reality. In this episode, the Vallottons engage in a heartfelt discussion about navigating challenges between a vision that sparks inner fire and a mission that drives daily strides forward.

Listeners are invited to redefine the art of goal setting as the Vallottons share over two decades of unwavering commitment to a vision that has guided their growth, demonstrating how others can do the same. The Vallottons support individuals in identifying mission-critical tasks – their 'job to do' – and reveal how to break down intimidating dreams into manageable, actionable steps. Listeners will walk away equipped with pragmatic strategies for setting goals across key life facets, ensuring they steer their ship with purpose and precision.

Delving into the complexities of balancing ambition with the nurturing of cherished relationships, the Vallottons stress the power of accountability and community. They share insights on simple tools like alarms and calendars, along with the wisdom of aligning with successful role models, to finesse the symphony of life. Whether individuals are aiming to enhance fitness, financial health, or family life, the Vallottons encourage setting priorities that propel towards a year of unparalleled success.

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In this episode, the Vallottons model a year-in-review process (below) that will strengthen your heart connection and and foster growth and unity as you step into the new year!

Reflect on the Past Year
- Share personal reflections on the highlights and challenges experienced as a couple during the past year
- Discuss how external factors may have impacted the relationship and how you navigated those challenges together
Celebrate Achievements
Identify Areas for Growth
Set Relationship Goals
Balance Individual and Shared Goals
Adapt to Changes
Express Gratitude

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Every dream of parenthood is unique, and for some, the road to family is laden with unexpected twists, triumphs, and trials. Jessica Satterfield gracefully steps into our space, sharing her profound journey of motherhood—a story that encompasses the poignant complexities of infertility, loss, and the beautiful mosaic of adoption. From her childhood yearnings to the deepening of her faith, Jessica unravels the challenges she and her husband, Brandon, faced as they navigated through the heartbreak of infertility treatments and the shadows of personal hardship, only to find joy and hope in the most unforeseen places.

Witness the resilience of a family molded by both agony and miracles, as Jessica recounts the unimaginable sorrow of losing a vibrant son and the strength they gained in the wake of such loss. The raw emotion of their story is interwoven with the delicate threads of healing, as they embraced the gifts of life anew—overcoming infertility with a successful IVF, followed by a surprise natural pregnancy. Jessica's narrative stands as a testament to the indomitable spirit of those who, even in their darkest moments, cling to hope and the promise of new beginnings.

The fabric of family is rich and varied, and Jessica's tapestry includes the vibrant colors of adoption alongside the innate challenges of blending biological and adopted children. Her candid reflections on the adoption process, parental wisdom, and the ever-evolving journey of faith shed light on the sanctity of connecting with each child's heart. Her insights into the day-to-day triumphs and trials of parenting—illness in a large family, nighttime wakefulness, and the search for grace amidst the chaos—are universal. Jessica's story, shared here, is an invitation to celebrate the resilience of the human spirit and the profound joy that can emerge from the most unexpected chapters of life.

Jessica has been wrecked by the love of a beautiful Father. She has known the intimacy of Papa God in the midst of the heartbreak of abuse, infertility, and child loss. Because she’s known Him in the fellowship of His sufferings, she’s also known Him in the power of His resurrection. She writes on her popular blog, Grace While We Wait, and is the author of, Partnering With Heaven, her first book. She is the President and Founder of a ministry called The Garden, which connects women on the broken road to motherhood to the Healer. Wife to her life-crush, Brandon, and mama to five (one who now lives with Jesus) through the miracle of adoption and miracles in her womb. Her days aren’t busy, but rather, full, the very best kind. You can find her curled up on the couch with good coffee and her family or speaking to groups of women all over the country. Both are amazing, but home is where her heart is.

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None

In this episode, Jason and Lauren answer several questions sent in by the audience! The topics covered are:

Insecurities about ex's
Prenups
Dating someone with a porn addiction
Midlife crisis in marriage
Dating someone with children
Helping siblings bond

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In this insightful conversation, the audience is introduced to Danny Silk, an esteemed expert in relational health and family dynamics. As the exploration into the delicate balance of maintaining a thriving family while navigating the responsibilities of a leadership role unfolds, listeners gain valuable insights.

The challenges and rewards of harmonizing professional commitments with family time take center stage. Through the lens of Danny's experiences, the episode emphasizes the crucial importance of envisioning the person one wishes to become at the end of life. The power of strategic scheduling and safeguarding priorities is discussed, providing a roadmap for leaders striving to create a fulfilling life both personally and professionally.

As the conversation delves deeper, the dark side of leadership comes into focus. Every leadership position brings its share of pitfalls, and the episode sheds light on the perils of unchecked authority and a lack of accountability. Viewers are guided through strategies to avoid this!

For aspiring leaders, the episode offers sound advice on cultivating a healthier organizational culture and resisting the traps associated with unchecked power. By addressing these crucial aspects of leadership, the conversation with Danny Silk becomes a comprehensive guide on not only excelling in professional endeavors but also safeguarding the well-being of one's family in the process.

Links:
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

As an author and speaker, Danny Silk offers life-changing
books, conferences, and other resources drawn from
decades of experience as a counselor, social worker,
advocate, pastor, spouse, parent, grandparent, and leader.
He is the President and Co-Founder of Loving on Purpose, a
ministry to families and communities worldwide. Danny’s
passion centers around helping people build, strengthen,
and heal their vital relationships.

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The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: 30th Anniversary Edition

How do you rebuild a marriage after the harsh sting of infidelity? Jason and Lauren Vallotton interview their dear friends, Ben and Heather Armstrong, who have got some answers that empower couples to opt back in, even after the devastation of broken trust. The Armstrongs offer a heartening and insightful conversation where they candidly share their journey of perseverance and hope, revealing how they found their way back to each other after a painful betrayal. Their story isn't just about surviving infidelity, but about building a brand new, beautiful marriage on the other side.

The Armstrongs didn't just come up with a theory on rebuilding their marriage; they lived it. This episode offers a unique blend of their personal narratives and hard-won wisdom. Ben shares candidly about the choices he made that slowly led him down a path of infidelity, and Heather opens up about the emotional rollercoaster she went through upon discovering her husband's affair and the healing process that followed. The importance of mutual ownership, honest communication, and taking responsibility for one's actions — steps that are not only essential for healing but for moving forward — are discussed.

Heather Armstrong is a gifted photographer and runs a successful photography business. She is also the Local Women's Pastor at Bethel Church, Redding. Ben Armstrong is the Overseer of Prophetic Ministry at Bethel Church, Redding where they both also serve on the Senior Leadership Team. They have three amazing children; Conner, Kira, and Madison. Ben, Heather, and their children are passionate about living the kingdom and bringing the supernatural in their family life and equipping others to do the same. Heather says, “Revival isn’t revival until it shows up in our homes!”

Look for their book, "I Choose Us," which comes out in late 2024.

Heather on Instagram
Ben on Instagram

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Join the Vallotton's for a conversation with their friends, Geovany and Charity Osorio, an inspiring couple whose love story intertwines American and Ecuadorian roots. Their narrative speaks directly to those navigating the rich tapestry of multicultural relationships!

The Osorio's share the details of their love story, and listeners will resonate with Charity's courageous transition to a new country, embracing the challenge of adapting to a different culture and language. The nuances of starting a life together in a foreign land are vast, and the Osorio's journey serves as a beacon for triumphs in cross-cultural love! They emphasize the strength found in honoring one's cultural roots while wholeheartedly embracing those of a significant other, all underpinned by a resilient foundation of faith.

Dive into the heart of family expectations and dynamics within a multicultural context, gaining practical insights from the Osorio's journey. From understanding and celebrating each other's cultural backgrounds to the importance of individual self-reflection, Geovany and Charity share the fears and joys inherent in merging two distinct worlds. The shared experience is filled with love, understanding, and the art of blending cultures within a relationship. Whether you are in the midst of such a journey or contemplating one, this conversation is an interesting and entertaining one!

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In this podcast episode, explore the nuanced reality of the holiday season with the Vallotton's as they tackle the common challenge of stress and pain within relationships during what is often dubbed "the most wonderful time of the year." Delve into insightful discussions on planning for emotional, practical, and relational dynamics to ensure a holiday season that is truly merry and bright!

Drawing on personal experiences, the Vallotton's provide valuable insights and practical tips for navigating the complexities of relationships during the festive season. Discover strategies to set realistic expectations, foster positive connections, and create a harmonious environment that truly embodies the spirit of joy and togetherness.

Tune in to episode 45 for a thoughtful exploration of how to make the most of this special time with loved ones.

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Can a relationship exist without physical proximity? Can trust be built long-distance? The Vallotton's explore these questions and more. This episode touches on everything from the initial stages of romance from afar, building the bond, and how to handle the decision-making process around more serious commitments. The nuances of modern love, influenced by globalization and the rise of online dating, have led to the increased occurrence of long-distance relationships, so Jason and Lauren talk about how to move through the dating process even when you're miles apart.

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Ever wonder how to navigate the complexities of a relationship from newlywed stage to a more mature phase? This episode is a gold mine for you. Join the Vallotton's for a captivating conversation with their son, Elijah, and his wife, Alley, as they beautifully share their three-year marriage journey. They open up about how they revisited their honeymoon spot and how unique the experience was the second time around. You'll hear about the pressures and expectations of the newlywed stage, and how love languages, small gestures and intentional quality time play a crucial role in maintaining a loving relationship.

Elijah and Alley highlight the challenges they faced along the way. Listen as they provide insight into the role of competition and how it molds a relationship. They also share their experiences on how to balance opportunities and priorities in marriage, and how subtle shifts in attitude can significantly impact a relationship. They emphasize the importance of hard conversations, practicing grace for one another, and having the patience to navigate the newlywed season.

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In this episode, the Vallottons offer you a unique perspective on the five love languages and their role in the intricate dance of human connection. They stress the importance of self-awareness (understanding your own needs) and how to empower those around you to meet you in those needs. The five love languages, as introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman in his book on the subject, can help with understanding how people receive and give love.

https://5lovelanguages.com/

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In this episode, Jason and Lauren answer several questions sent in by the audience! The topics covered are:

Women initiating dating their interest, specifically after divorce
Navigating the spiritual side of walking through a miscarriage
Difference between sex before and after marriage
A wife's higher libido connected to a man's porn addiction

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In this episode, Jason and Lauren share 20 “green flags” that would indicate a potentially healthy and thriving relationship. Green flags have all the makings of a good connection in which two people are free to be themselves, feel cared for by one another, and have the capacity to build together! They aren't necessarily cause to tie the knot, but if these things are functioning in your relationship, great! There’s likely good space to explore next steps and ask deeper questions as you pursue greater intimacy.

Good at Friendship
Takes Interest in your Interests
Good Listener and Communicator
Knows How to be Vulnerable
Knows How to Have Fun
Nonjudgmental
Supportive of Personal Growth
No Comparisons
Knows How to Navigate Hard Times
Self Confident
Healthy Boundaries
Hardworking
Relationship with the Lord
Solid and Compatible Core Values
Humble / Admits Mistakes
Emotionally Mature
Can Disagree Respectfully / Have Healthy Conflict
Makes an Effort to Know your Friends and Family
Takes Initiative
Takes Responsibility for Own Needs

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In this episode, Jason and Lauren share 20 red flags that would indicate a reason to pause, take assessment, and seek to understand what's going in your relationship. Red flags aren't necessarily deal-breakers, but they should be given attention if you can spot them, and it's not a great idea to progress in the relationship without addressing them.

No Relationship with God
Incompatibility of Core Values
Doesn’t Show Consideration or Respect
Lacks Emotional Maturity
Debt
Defensive/Easily Offended
Not Connected to Community
Doesn’t ask good questions
No Awareness of Boundaries
Overly Critical
Can’t Handle Conflict
Gossip
Lack of Communication
Controlling Behavior
Inconsistencies and Lies
Disrespect and Insults
Unwillingness to Compromise
Lack of Empathy
Previous History of Abuse
Overly dependent

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After Lauren's mother's health began to decline rapidly, their plans for a fun-filled end to the summer took an unexpected turn. Join the Vallottons, as they open up about the deeply personal and challenging season they're walking through. In their latest episode, Jason and Lauren share the highs and lows of a recent trip to South Carolina, navigating the emotional turmoil of Lauren's mom's last month of life and juggling care for their two toddlers, etc. Through it all, they're discovering valuable lessons about the cost and privilege of loving people at their worst and the importance of supportive relationships during difficult times. Tune in for a heartfelt discussion on practically navigating through hard times while maintaining strong relational health.

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In this episode, Alley Vallotton (Jason and Lauren's daughter-in-law) hosts a Live Q&A with Jason for Date Well , a program which exists to empower single and dating women to thrive in their relationship with God, others and themselves.

Alley and Jason peel back the layers on the intricacies of relationships - they talk about the red and green flags, the role of patience and trust, and the courage it takes to step out of comfort zones. Alley opens up about her personal journey in relationships, a compelling narrative that underscores the rewards of taking risks. They also explore the crucial role of setting boundaries and managing expectations.

If you're in the throes of the dating scene or simply looking to understand relationships better, this episode promises a wealth of insights.

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This episode is deep dive into the often-misunderstood world of the postpartum period. The Vallotton’s share their personal experiences and expert tips to help you navigate this critical stage with confidence and peace.

In the discussion, Jason and Lauren uncover the profound physical, emotional, and cognitive changes that come with the postpartum period. From the challenges of managing sleep deprivation and breastfeeding to the unexpected realities of post-birth recovery, they delve into it all. They also offer practical strategies to make sure you are equipped to meet these challenges head-on.

Jason and Lauren share helpful strategies on setting up a conducive environment for both parents and baby, from the use of specific supplies to importance of self-care. The goal is to give guidance for a transition into this new phase of life smoothly and enjoyably. After all, having and raising babies can, and should be, a beautiful experience.

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What if you could reclaim the essence of your family life amidst the whirlwind of modern busyness? In this enlightening episode Jason and Lauren shed light on the struggles of balancing family life and share practical tips to take control of your family's rhythm. They share insights on creating fulfilling relational connections, emphasizing that your marriage should be a priority, even when mundane tasks seem to pull you away.

As people transition from summer to school year, there’s a tug-of-war between different priorities. It's a tricky path to navigate, but the Vallottons provide strategies to set limits that protect your mental health and maintain strong family bonds. Families need to be able to cherish the fleeting moments and keep the connection strong, even when schedules get hectic!

Lastly, the Vallottons delve into the art of managing time and expectations during busy seasons. They introduce the Core Emotion Wheel tool from Connection Codes, a life-changing strategy that helps people connect with their children on a deeper level. Communication is key in setting realistic expectations and preventing disappointment. By the end of this episode, you'll have a toolbox of strategies to help you navigate the balance of family life, making it deeply fulfilling and relationally healthy. This is about reclaiming control, resetting priorities, and redefining balance.

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In this episode, Jason and Lauren talk about their own experiences with anxiety, a problem that so many people face which really impacts relationships. They discuss many facets of the topic from the spiritual to the scientific.

For many, breaking free from anxiety can be a journey, and the gold of this episode is in Jason sharing tools he’s learned, adopted, and practiced to overcome debilitating anxiety in his life.

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The end of a long-term relationship often leaves people adrift in the aftermath, entangled in the complexities of their past, and unsure how to reclaim their lives. In this episode, Jason and Lauren dive headfirst into this poignant topic, tackling the reality of life post-divorce and the path towards recovery. The art of thriving after such a devastating experience is not an innate one; sometimes people need a helping hand to guide them through this challenging journey.

The Vallotton's discuss how to avoid common pitfalls, process pain in a healthy manner, and most importantly, let go of the desire for justice. Unraveling the unexpected pain that accompanies divorce, especially for those in long-term marriages, the Vallotton's share advice on how to live powerfully, trust in God to replace unhealthily codependency, and grow in confidence.

Jason and Lauren also focus on the importance of assessing past relationships to derive personal growth. Recognizing your role in the breakdown of your marriages or past relationship can lead to unique insights and benefits, particularly when dating someone who has been through a similar experience. For those with children, Jason and Lauren offer guidance on establishing a healthy new normal, outlining the significance of setting goals, establishing friendships, and creating a regular routines that lead to health.

Tune in for an intimate conversation filled with practical advice and hopeful insights.

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In this episode, Jason and Lauren answer several questions sent in by the audience! The topics covered are:

Masturbation habits vs. porn habits and the impact on relationships
Roles and responsibilities in marriage
Soul ties
Trying to save a marriage
Navigating heartbreak/rejection
Sex in marriage

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With three adult kids and a couple of toddlers, the Vallottons are on round two of parenting and are handing out some of their best “hindsight” advice!

Jason and Lauren begin by stating, "don't NOT do the hard work," which is easy to forgo when you’re tired! Your kids need to believe you, they need structure, and they will thrive most when you and your spouse put in the hard work to get on the same page. All of these things take work, but it's that is WORTH the effort in the long game.

Team work really does make the dream work! Jason and Lauren share their thoughts on the potential pitfalls when one parent takes on the majority of child-rearing responsibilities. They also discuss how vital it is to create a partnership between both parents, ensuring each one is a capable teammate. Not only do parents thrive when teamwork is the norm, but it is also really good for children to experience their parents as a good team.

Connection is worth fighting for, every time! In this episode, the Vallottons focus on understanding your child's individual needs and how meeting their emotional needs through connection can be a key to problem-solving in parenting.

Lastly, Jason and Lauren address the difference between parenting/disciplining symptoms and actually getting to the root issue needs of your child. Solving the real problem is key for your kids’ long-term thriving, and is worth the effort to pursue!

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What if the journey to parenthood wasn't the romantic, fairy-tale route everyone paints, but instead, a maze of medical interventions, emotional turmoil, and gut-wrenching decisions? Join us as we unmask our deeply personal struggle with infertility, from a vasectomy at 24 to years of unsuccessful attempts at conceiving. We bare the heartache, the hope, and the biology behind the trials we faced, offering solace and advice to those embarking on this challenging path.

Conception wasn't our only struggle. We also experienced the blinding joy of an unexpected pregnancy and the crushing despair of a devastating miscarriage. Brace yourself for a raw, no-holds-barred discussion on the emotional rollercoaster that is infertility, its impact on our marriage, and how we navigated the painful yet essential process of acknowledging and addressing our emotions.

To wrap up, we take you along on our journey through IVF, a decision laden with ethical, moral, spiritual, and personal implications. Hear about our trip to South Carolina for the procedure, the fear of losing the baby during pregnancy, and the importance of traversing this journey as a team. Today we're enjoying our miracles babies who are now toddlers, but wow, what a ride to get here! Hopefully our story can offer a beacon of light to those navigating the seas of infertility.

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Should I date someone who is struggling with porn? This question delves deep into the heart of a complex issue that affects many individuals. In this eye-opening episode, Jason and Lauren courageously explore the underlying reasons behind why people turn to porn.

At its core, porn is not merely an isolated problem but often a response to more profound emotional issues. Addiction, in general, arises when we feel disconnected from our own lives. Instead of just focusing on sobriety, the real antidote lies in fostering meaningful connections. For many, the allure of porn is not solely about sex; it is an attempt to fill a void of connection and to be truly seen and understood. It becomes a substitute for genuine, deep, and fulfilling connections that may be lacking in their lives.

Our hosts candidly address the potential implications of porn issues on romantic relationships. The negative effects can be far-reaching, ranging from hyper-sexualizing the relationship to distorted expectations of how it should feel to the undercutting of the trust-building process, which is the chief goal in a dating relationship.

In this thought-provoking episode, Jason and Lauren offer valuable insights to help you determine if someone is in a healthy enough place to be in a dating relationship. It's crucial to navigate these waters with wisdom and care, considering both your partner's journey and your own well-being. Tune in now to gain a deeper understanding of the complexities surrounding porn and relationships. Let's build a foundation of authentic connections and support each other on the path to healing and growth.

Resources Discussed in Episode:BraveCo.org
The Whole Man Project
Shasta Blue Sky
Moral Revolution

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In episode 28, Jason and Lauren interview their good friend and colleague, Dr. Margaret Nagib, about gender differences from a psychological and neuroscientific perspective. In the context of our current culture, which seems to be working to ignore the differences between men and women, it's critical to understand that there are biological and chemical differences between men and women that contribute to real gender differences that play out in our day to day relationships. In particular, conversation revolves around how men and women deal differently with stress and how they experience love and appreciation differently. The greater our understanding, according to Dr. Nagib, the better we'll be able to navigate the natural struggles and strengths in our friendships and marriages!

Dr. Margaret Nagib is a clinical psychologist and personal and spiritual development coach. Her passion is integrating the best of psychology while partnering with Holy Spirit to restore wholeness through a deeper relationship with God to helping individuals, communities and organizations reclaim their identity, purpose and passion. She received her masters and doctorate in clinical psychology from Wheaton College in Wheaton, IL.and has been working in the field of psychology since 1998. Margaret also graduated from 2 years of Bethel Church’s Supernatural School of Ministry (BSSM).

Margaret travels around the country and internationally providing seminars for various organizations and churches on wholeness and training professionals to partner with the power of Holy Spirit. She is the author of Souls Like Stars: Renew Your Mind, Heal Your Heart, Unveil Your Shine; Sozo for Professional Counselors: Integrating Psychology and Inner Healing to Restore Individuals to Wholeness and Soul Making: A 12 week Group-Based Sozo Experience. She has a private practice in Wheaton, IL. Connect with Margaret at TheDunamisProject.Org and @margaretnagib on Instagram.

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Many individuals frequently mistake passion for love, but in reality, love is a deliberate decision, while passion emerges from a profound connection. Understanding this distinction holds great significance because people often abandon their love when the initial intense passion diminishes. However, it's essential to recognize that passion can be revitalized by actively nurturing and strengthening the bond between partners. In Episode 27, Jason and Lauren delve into several practical tools that empower couples to cultivate their connection and reignite the flames of passion within their relationship.

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How in the world are parents supposed to navigate the taboo subject of sexuality with their kids in a way that steers them clear of the messages of perversion, shame, guilt and fear that culture and media promote so freely? One thing we know for sure is that “the talk” about the birds and the bees cannot be your only tool! Creating a culture inside your home where connection is available, curiosity is welcomed, and communication is expected is the best way to set the stage for age-appropriate conversations with your kids where you get to be the chief educator and guide for them in their sexual development. Episode 25 unpacks this topic and introduces listeners to a few resources that the Vallottons highly recommend on this subject of parenting sexuality.

Resources:
Parent Well: Raising Your Kids in a Hyper-sexualized Culture

God's Design for Sex Series by Dr. Stanton Jones

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Full Set - God's Design for Sex Series, 4 Books: Revised and Updated Edition By: Stan Jones, Brenna Jones (Paperback) 2019

In this episode, Jason and Lauren answer several questions sent in by the audience! Topics range from dating to marriage, and in between. Enjoy!

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In episode 23, Jason and Lauren interview Lauren’s parents about their side of the story regarding Lauren dating and marrying a divorced guy with children! Married for 41 years, The Acsell’s have long been a model of love and devotion for Jason and Lauren, and how they navigated the hard transition of Lauren moving across the country and marrying into a ready-made family are admirable, to say the least. In this episode are keys for keeping relational connection strong with adult children, tips for navigating things with potential in-laws, and mission-critical components to blending families in a way that feels safe for everyone invloved! They also share about the gift of 41 years of marriage and how to hold on through better or worse, as long as you both shall live!

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The KYLO Show is a podcast hosted by Danny Silk and Brittney Serpell. They discuss "the principles and practices of keeping your love on and how to build, protect, and pass on healthy families from one generation to the next."

Danny and Brittney interviewed Jason and Lauren about their journey of dating well in the midst of their less-than-fairytale circumstances! Enjoy!

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This is the first in a series of two episodes addressing the idea that every person experiences pain in life, whether relational hurt, trauma, disappointment or hardship. No one is immune to life’s punches! In this episode, Jason and Lauren talk about the fact that pain has a voice that says, “fix me now!” And if we don’t learn to proactively navigate through the pain, we get stuck ignoring, stuffing, or coping with it in some way, never truly healing, because time is not a healer but rather a revealed. In next week’s episode, the conversation will continue as the Vallottons dive deeper, explaining the role that forgiveness plays in working through relational pain as well as giving listeners a 6-step plan for thoroughly processing pain in a way that leads to true freedom.

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In episode 19, Jason and Lauren address making a decision to start a family and how to navigate this huge season shift in a way that protects your marriage connection and adds to the relational health and thriving of your family. Ultimately, having kids is the absolute greatest blessing, but according to the Vallottons, if you have the luxury of proactively addressing certain things with your spouse before welcoming little ones into the picture, you should!

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In this episode, Jason and Lauren share one tip for success in blended families; build strong bonds of connection! Emotional connection is critical for the health of every family, but blended families don't have the luxury of enjoying the "from birth" chemical bonds that play a huge role in attachment and connection that biological parents have with their children. That said, there are many things that people can do intentionally to forge new bonds in a blended family context, which actually enables you to become a new family unit where trust, safety, respect and love can show up. Jason and Lauren unpack these suggestions and tools in episode 18.

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Episode 17 is a follow-up conversation to the previous episode’s interview with Cole and Caitlin Zick of Moral Revolution. In this episode, Jason and Lauren begin by explaining more about how sex inside of marriage is really all about the pursuit of intimacy. Lauren shares that how she experienced her sex drive before and in marriage were entirely different and that many people find that their expectations of sex in marriage aren’t met. Jason and Lauren unpack common reasons (stress, pressure, kids, life circumstances, increased vulnerability of being married, etc.) behind this often-confusing dichotomy. Ultimately, a fulfilling sex life in marriage is a trajectory parallel to the levels of trust and intimacy that are operating inside of the marriage dynamic. Jason spends a lot of time explaining the role of a man and the way that a man’s sex drive is supposed to help him create safety and trust in his marriage. Lauren then proposes a mindset shift for women to consider on their end. This conversation between Jason and Lauren will bring freedom and deeper understanding about the intricate dynamics of the gift of sex inside of marriage.

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When people struggle with their sexual connection inside of marriage, it’s often because of pain/trauma from their past, their unrealistic expectations of sex inside of marriage and/or their unwillingness to reach out for help in this area. Unfortunately, sex has been a topic that’s full of shame and full of pain for many people, therefore it’s largely avoided in the church. However, this doesn’t set couples up for success as they enter marriage! The hope is that through sharing stories and giving tools and tips, you’d feel empowered to find the sexual fulfillment inside of marriage that God designed you to experience.

In Episode 16, Jason and Lauren host their good friends, Cole and Caitlin Zick, in a very in-depth conversation about sex in marriage. The Zicks have been the Co-Directors of Moral Revolution in Redding, California since 2017. In a generation overwhelmed by conflicting messages about love, Moral Revolution is a company of radical people helping to define healthy sexuality by providing resources that equip and empower society to live in wholeness! Because of their work and their passion for freedom for others, Cole and Cait openly share their story about their pasts and their first years of marriage in order to start a healthy conversation around sexuality.

As Cole and Caitlin share the details of how they grew up, their frameworks for sex they had from their childhoods, and their process of entering marriage, they address a range of issues that they came up against. Although their story highlights some outlier extremes with regards to their experiences, they depict how to patiently and faithfully walk through healing with one another, building a strong marriage bond.

Links:
Moral Revolution

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Episode 15 is full of insights that are especially helpful for people in the newlywed season of life! Jason and Lauren begin by sharing a perspective on the covenant of marriage that can really set newlywed couples up to make the most of this adjustment period into their new life together. The newlywed season is meant to be an incredible season of bonding, exploration and establishment in a marriage, and each person enters this new chapter with a long list of expectations which may or may not be met. Identifying any missed expectations (anything from that quirk that drives you crazy to an inability to navigate conflict well) and communicating through the emotions you encounter will be so important in order to keep connection as the goal while you learn and grow together. Setting foundations of culture and agreements of high values will also equip you to take on the “new” together, whatever the challenge. Jason and Lauren share from their own unique experiences of the newlywed season, giving keys and insights that they WISH they could have given themselves before marriage.

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In this episode, Jason and Lauren host a conversation with their good friends, Aaron and Jenna Zint. Aside from the wisdom and street cred that come from 14 years of marriage and three little kids, Jenna and Aaron have years of professional experience in the relational health arena that make them excellent resources on the topic! Together, they offer couples coaching and host an excellent podcast called The Marriage Lab (link below). Aaron is an author and also offers emotional, relational and sexual wholeness coaching while Jenna offers health, life and habit coaching. Most recently, Jenna launched The Habit Lab Mastery Course (link below).

Today’s episode of Dates, Mates and Babies with the Vallottons is a conversation between the Vallottons and the Zints about how to sustainably grow in our relational health with the help of forming habits that lead to lasting change. Aaron and Jenna first explain that the best way to forge a healthy connection inside of our intimate relationships is by learning to engage in emotion-led communication. An often foreign skill, learning to communicate this way is best achieved through practice – the “offensively tiny” and consistent habits that, over time, will result in wildly successful change in the effectiveness of our communication. The Zints also walk through the practical steps to creating good habits as well as a few of the pitfalls people often encounter when trying to start new habits.

This episode is gold, especially for the listener who has identified growth areas in their own relationships but doesn’t know where or how to begin making healthy changes. Enjoy this fun conversation between friends!

Links:Jenna Zint on Instagram
The Habit Lab Mastery Course with Jenna Zint
Coaching with the Zints
The Marriage Lab podcast
Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away from Porn by Aaron Zint

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Numb to Known: The Surprising Path Away From Porn

Life is hard, and in relationships, it's our healthy culture and firm foundation that enable us to navigate life when things go sideways. Unforeseen and challenging circumstances are inevitable, but they don't have to leave you broken and disconnected from the people in your life that are meant to be a strength to you in the hardship.

In this episode, Jason and Lauren talk about changing way you see hard times so that you can get the most out of these seasons. They also share a list of keys for navigating the tough times in life.

Links:The Habit Lab with Jenna Zint

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In Episode 12, Jason and Lauren introduce the concept of Connection as the goal of intimate relationships. Connection is a felt closeness and deep, enjoyable bond between two people. Attachment styles in childhood greatly impact our ability to bond with other humans. In order to feel deeply fulfilled inside of marriage or intimate relationships, connection must be strong, and connection is built on a foundation of trust which you must proactively grow! Here are some of the keys addressed in this episode:

The Vallottons’ friend and spiritual father, Danny Silk, says that “trust is the exchange of truth.” And with this as the working definition of trust, the implication is that building a foundation of trust and growing a deep connection requires two people to vulnerably share the TRUTH of what’s going on inside of themselves.
Connection happens through the exchange of emotions, sharing your feelings and talking about yourself, giving your partner the opportunity to see, know, accept and love you in your present moment. The Vallotton's recommend Connection Codes with Dr. Glen and Phyllis Hill if you need to grow in your ability to locate and share your emotions (link below).
Learning to speak the language of your partner will enable you to meet them where they’re at and love them in a way that they can hear and receive. Learning about love languages and needs will aid in the process of learning to speak each other’s language!

In this episode, Jason and Lauren give great examples of how they proactively pursue connection in their marriage and what it looks like to overcome the obstacle of disconnection.

Links:Keep Your Love on by Danny Silk
Connection Codes with Dr. Glen and Phyllis Hill
The 5 Love Languages

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In episode 11, Jason and Lauren take some time to answer 4 specific questions submitted by listeners like you! Each of the questions came as listeners enjoyed episode 9, Dating After Divorce. As Jason and Lauren answer questions, you’ll hear them discuss topics including processing pain, a healthy pace for dating after walking through trauma, how to navigate dating when kids are involved, and solidifying our identities with God as our source.

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No matter your personality type, background, or lifestyle preferences, human nature is to be somewhat change-averse. Humans appreciate a measure of predictability and certainty in life, but life is just a series of changes and transitions, one after another! So how do we set ourselves up to defy the statistical odds that would tell us that major life changes and seasonal transitions would damage relational connection? In Episode 10 of Dates, Mates and Babies with the Vallottons, Jason and Lauren unpack their own transitional seasons and apply the truth of scripture found in James, Chapter 1. Hard times, trials, life changes and major transitions, if navigated with self-awareness, intentionality and wise counsel, can actually forge bonds inside of your most intimate relationships rather than contribute to the deterioration of connection.

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In this episode, Jason and Lauren share their heart for equipping people to date well after divorce, but this episode is relevant to anyone with a past of any sort! Working through your past is a critical step in moving into healthy future relationships. One of the greatest risks involved in dating after a divorce is trying to jump into another relationship too soon. There is a lot of healing ground to cover before you know if you’re ready to date again! Going through a divorce is like having a major surgery as a professional athlete, and if you try to get back to normal activity too soon without the ok from your doctors and coaches, you run the risk of major complications. On the other side of your healing journey, you want to be able to say that your story of divorce actually brings trust and strength into your new relationships, and if you can’t say that, you’re probably not ready to date. How you get there and what questions you should ask yourself is what Jason and Lauren discuss in this episode. They also touch briefly on navigating this process when kids are involved.

Below are links available to resources that Jason and Lauren have developed specifically to help people walk through processes of pain and forgiveness that are critical in this journey of preparing to date after divorce.

Links:Winning the War Within by Jason Vallotton
Emotional Prosperity (ECourse)

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This is Part 2 of a conversation on conflict resolution! If you haven’t listened to Part 1, pause, and go back to the episode released on February 22, 2023! In Part 1, Jason and Lauren unpack the difference between conflict and BEHAVIORS in conflict, which can really make or break a relationship. They make reference to one of their favorite resources on relational health, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman.

Here in Part 2, Jason and Lauren discuss what can be done proactively inside of conflict that is bound to happen inside of your relationships to make sure that conflict actually contributes to the building of connection instead of the erosion of connection.

Links:
Connection Codes
The Gottman Institute

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So many people are terrified of conflict inside of their close relationships, and very few people feel really confident in their ability to engage in conflict in a really healthy and helpful way. But the truth is, a conflict-free relationship doesn’t make for a healthy relationship! Conflict is a natural and even necessary part of intimate relationships because conflict is the working out of two different peoples’ differences. In this episode, Jason and Lauren discuss how they grew up on opposite ends of the spectrum with regards to models for conflict resolution. They unpack principles laid out by John Gottman in his book, Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work as a means to explaining what typically happens in conflict and the behaviors of conflict that are actually really damaging. Part 2 will discuss the how-to’s of engaging in HEALTHY conflict!

Links:
The Gottman Institute
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman

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This is the second and final episode in which Jason and Lauren share the details of their dating story. It’s been thirteen years this week since their first date! In Episode 6, they unpacked the following and more: what it was like to date each other while Lauren’s family had deep concerns because of the blended family situation, how they knew they loved each other, their first kiss, and how they got to the point where they knew they wanted to marry each other. Also included in this episode are thoughts on how someone’s past and unique story can actually be a strength rather than a hindrance to connection in dating as well as some keys to know that you’re ready for a healthy dating relationship. Happy Valentine’s Day week, everyone!

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Thirteen years ago this month, Jason asked Lauren out on their first date! So in honor of their dating anniversary and Valentine’s Day, they share their dating story in this episode! Who doesn’t love a good dating story?! Theirs has many twists and turns as Jason had been previously married and was a dad of three while Lauren was a student in the school where Jason was an overseer. There’s plenty of juicy details in this episode, so it’s chock-full of entertainment, but they also teach through principles of healthy dating culture. Enjoy! (And look for Part 2 coming on Wednesday, February 15, 2023.)

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This is the third and final episode in the Foundations of Relational Health series, and Jason and Lauren unpack boundaries: what they are and are not! Among other things, boundaries help us protect our main mission, our priorities, and our love for people. Jesus is our best model for how to use boundaries in order to stick to His mission in life! He responded to life from a confident posture, knowing that He was about His Father’s business. We need a sense of calling in order to know where our yeses lie, and we need an understanding of the responsibilities we have in order to know and tend to our priorities. We do not have limitless capacity, so maturity is in knowing and communicating our boundaries to the world around us by the way we conduct and manage our lives and relationships. Knowing how your relationships plot out within the “circles of intimacy” is a helpful visual aid in understanding where your highest priority relationships lie with regards to trust, intimacy, responsibility and expectations. Boundaries help us protect our love for people based on these factors! We can’t be everything to everyone, but we should have people in our lives with whom we have reciprocal relationships of deep intimacy. This episode on boundaries is a fly-over on the topic, which will lay groundwork for topics coming in future episodes.

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In the second part of the "Foundations of Relational Health" series, Jason and Lauren begin by talking about the season of life in which Jason walked through a divorce and learned the importance of knowing and communicating your needs. Not knowing his needs contributed to the breakdown of his first marriage, so learning to locate and validate his own needs was part of his journey in getting well after his divorce. Every person has the same set of basic needs like food, water and shelter, but every person has a unique set of needs according to their personalities and norms. When that core set of needs goes unmet, people are in pain. But for an individual to feel known and loved, they need to be able to discover and communicate their needs, inviting the other person into those areas. We are a body, soul and spirit, and you cannot separate the three! Each part of our triune being has needs, and if those needs go unmet, we'll be in pain. A lot of this happens on a subconscious level, but growing in self-awareness helps us operate on a more conscious and intentional level. Jason and Lauren share stories of their dating and marriage journeys with regards to having needs, communicating needs and meeting needs in a healthy way.

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This Episode is the first in a short series that the Vallottons are calling "Foundations for Relational Health." They unpack the idea that what is "normal" for one person is different to what's "normal" to the next person. Everyone approaches their relationships according to their own personal presets based on the culture you were raised in. Most of us feel that life is the way it is because of the different decisions we've made, but the truth is that MUCH of where we're at today has to do with what happened to them as kids. That's not our fault, but it is our responsibility to understand where we've come from and make adjustments if necessary. Where did you come from and how did you acquire your list of presets? Answers to these questions will help you understand how you experience yourself and others inside of the context of relationships. Jason and Lauren unpack their own examples of the implications of different "normals" inside of friendship and marriage.

As mentioned in this episode:
Prepare Enrich (Our favorite pre-marriage assessment resource.)

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In this introductory episode, Jason and Lauren share a little about themselves and why they've started this podcast. Married for nearly 12 years, the Vallottons have a complex combination of relational dynamics. Divorce, remarriage, blended family, adult children, and babies are all a part of the story. They're both pastors and leaders at Bethel Church in Redding, California where Jason serves on the Senior Leadership Team, oversees the counseling department, and runs a men's ministry called BraveCo. Lauren is focussing on the babies in this season but also serves on the Senior Leadership Team at Bethel. The genesis of "Dates, Mates & Babies with the Vallottons" was birthed out of their journey of leading themselves and others through the ups and downs of life in pursuit of the highest level of relational fulfillment and health. Jason and Lauren believe that as humans, we're created in the image of God, designed to live in family and community, but learning to thrive in these contexts is learned rather than innate. They're excited to unpack subjects of relational health, relatable stories from their own journey, interviews with experts, and series on relational topics of interest. If you want to learn about dating, marriage, raising kids, journeying through infertility, blending families or a variety of other subjects, subscribe and stay connected!

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