You Are the CEO of Your Life: Recent Episodes
Adelina
A couple years ago I spent Valentine’s Day in the pet emergency room, and sadly, my fur baby did not go back home with me that day.
And that’s when I decided to re-define what Valentine’s Day means to me. Instead of focusing on a romantic partner, I now have a gratitude practice where I journal about everyone I am grateful to have in my life.
I also no longer spend any time being sad that I’m single and there isn’t some guy in my life to get me flowers and a gift.
Instead, the week-end before Valentine’s Day, I get myself a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a special treat.
If you’re feeling lonely and sad today because of who ISN’T in your life (such as a romantic partner), try focusing on who IS in your life who loves and cares about you. Whether that’s a friend, family member, or even a pet. If you’re able, show THEM a little extra love today.
And more importantly, show yourself a little extra love today by doing something special.
Point #1: What ‘data’ did you collect over Thanksgiving?
- What went well?
- What would you like to do differently in the future?
Point #2: The holidays are also for you, not just for your loved ones.
- What are the things you love about the holiday season?
- What are the things you would like to change about the holiday season?
- If there was just one person that you could have a coffee/lunch/Zoom date with, who would that be? Who is the person who would energize you, and make the this season a little more meaningful?
- What get-togethers or activities can you schedule after the New Year?
- If you sent one handwritten card, who would you send it to?
- What’s the most important tradition to you, or the one that you would like to start?
- It absolutely wouldn’t be the Holidays if you didn’t _____ .
- Make a list of all the gifts you want to get.
- Make a list of the things you DON’T want to do, the people you would rather NOT see.
What would fill you up this season? Instead of continuing to do what others expect of you. What do you need in order to feel loved, free, held, fueled, relaxed? Traditions can change. Honor your needs over honoring traditions. What do you need from these holidays?
Point #3: Control the things you can control.
- Prioritize sleep and food that is good for you.
- If not going to see your loved ones really isn’t an option, can you go for a shorter amount of time?
- Can you get a hotel or AIrBnb so you don't have to spend every minute around them?
You don’t have to accept what you’re not okay with. And you don’t have to do something you hate or strongly dislike. You do get to take control and do what’s best and safest for you. Your job is to figure out what you need. Your job is not to deal with everyone else’s opinions of that.
Point #4: Accept the things you can’t change.
- Do a quick inventory of the things you can expect to be said that make you feel like walking on eggshells or get defensive.
- The best predictor of how a family is going to act is how a family has always acted. It will never be like the commercials. Drastically lower your expectations. Because at the end of the day, “Karen is gonna Karen.” Don’t expect Karen to be kind, supportive, or considerate.
- When things get tense, go for a walk to get away from it all (even if temporarily).
Point #5: How to answer the “Why are you still single?” question. If I’m feeling up for it, I’ll say something like “hmm, why do you ask?” and that causes the person who’s asking to pause and say something like “I’m genuinely concerned that you might be feeling lonely, or I don’t know, I was just curious” and you can say “I’m enjoying the current season in my life focusing on my new job, thank you for asking” and then turn it back on them with another question “how is your job going?” Not always easy, I know. Or, if you don’t feel comfortable asking why this person is asking this question, you can say “I’m having a pretty great time being single, but if you know someone cute or kind to introduce me to, I’m all ears.”
PS - 31 Days to the New Year Calendar
I hope that you’ve found today’s episode helpful. If you did, I would love to hear about your upcoming holidays over on Instagram.
The biggest misconception most people have about being single is that the only alternative to feeling alone is to be in a romantic relationship.
-
When you’re single, you’re more prone to feeling lonely.
Just like one can feel very lonely in a relationship, one can also experience great connections without having a romantic partner. Not feeling lonely, whether in a relationship or single, takes intentional effort.
Look for your local Buy Nothing Project Facebook group. -
When you’re single, you’re more likely to feel the lack of physical touch in your life.
Snuggling with my dog or taking a hot shower bring me a lot of comfort. -
When you’re single, you don’t have someone to share your expenses with.If you want to share your housing with someone, finding a roommate is a great alternative.
-
When you’re single, you don’t have a travel companion.
I'm very comfortable traveling within the US; I also really enjoy museums, performing arts shows, and watching travel documentaries.
My new perspective in life is to focus on the present and make the most of my current circumstances, trusting that everything I want to experience is already a guaranteed part of my future.
PS - if something would take you less than a minute to do it, whether that is hanging your clothes at the end of the day instead of putting them on a chair, or throwing the junk mail in the recycling bin instead of putting it on your dining table with the actual mail that needs your attention, just do it right then and don’t put it off. Because otherwise you will end up with a hot mess of a home, like I did.
If you found helpful anything I talked about today, I would love to hear what you think over on Instagram.
In the next episode we will talk about surviving the upcoming holidays. The kind of holidays that involve you having to see family members again, the kind of family member who has a certain opinion about your age and relationship status. Next Monday’s episode will help you deal with all the togetherness you will be a part of in the coming days and weeks.
And then on Tuesday there will be a bonus episode with an announcement about something I’m putting together for us to do together every day until the rest of the year.
The most empowering mindset is to focus on what you can gain from being single, rather than what you’re missing.
-
You are the one who decides what you do with your time and resources.
-
You have the time and space in your life to work on your physical and mental health.
-
You have the opportunity to get clear on your standards and personal values.
-
How do you want to feel around the right person (romantic partner, amazing friend, great co-worker, and inspiring boss)?
- What are your expectations for a partner and relationship?
- What are your boundaries?
-
What are your standards?
-
You are able to re-connect with your personal and professional goals.
-
You get to surround yourself with your family and friends.
PS - this is my evening routine which helps me fall asleep and sleep better, and decreases my anxiety.
- I write down a brain dump of everything that's on my mind.
- I write down (at least) 3 things I'm grateful for from today.
- As I'm falling asleep, I say quietly 'in' as I inhale and 'out' as I exhale (this keeps my mind focused on this exercise instead of going down the rabbit hole of overthinking).
If you found anything I talked about today helpful, I would love to hear what you think over on Instagram.
Now that you’ve gone through the first 30 days of the Breakup Recovery Prescription, and are just starting the no-contact month with your ex, you may be asking yourself what happens now. What will you be doing for the next 30 days, and after?
Well, you will continue focusing on much of what you have already been doing for the past few weeks.
You will continue writing down your thoughts whenever you feel like there is something on your mind that you would otherwise want to tell your ex, especially as you’re dealing with the anger and sadness that are bound to come up.
You will continue focusing on your sunshine committee, making it a point to talk to and spend as much time as possible with these people who want what’s best for you, and who will encourage and support you through this process.
You will continue having solo, or even not solo, dance parties in your living room using the silly Breakup Recovery Prescription playlist.
You will continue buying fresh flowers for yourself as frequently as you are able to.
You will continue to explore nourishing recipes that are good for your health and your soul, and then enjoy these yummy foods while watching the new shows, youtube channels or podcasts you recently discovered.
You will continue decluterring and organizing your space, and experimenting with home décor and changing things around to find the layout you like most.
You will continue exploring what are the things you’ve been wanting to do while you were with your ex, but didn’t get to because your interests and priorities were different. And you will make it a priority to actually do these.
And you will do all these while at the same time incorporating a daily walk outside and focusing on the affirmations you chose to read that day.
In day 26 I asked you to make a list of at least 25 reasons why you’re an amazing person and partner. If your mind ever tries to entertain negative thoughts about yourself or your future, go back to that list and remind it of your awesomeness.
If, at any point, you want to share anything with me, please come on over to Instagram and tell me about your journey.
- Make plans to hang out with someone you consider to be part of your support system (your ex is NOT an option here).
- If the person you have in mind doesn't live close to you, and you can't plan a gathering in-person, meeting virtually can be just as nourishing to your soul.
- I recommend a video meeting over a simple phone call.
I would really(!) love it if you would post a photo from your gathering on Instagram, and then tag me so I can share in your joy.
- I want you to reach out to someone you haven't talked to in a while; reaching out to your ex is NOT an option.
- This person can be a friend, an acquaintance, a previous neighbor or co-worker, or even a mentor or previous boss you would like to get back in touch with, or are curious to see how they are doing.
- Simply checking their social media activity does not count as "catching up."
Please come on over to Instagram and tell me about your experience!
- Go for a quiet 15-minute walk. Or longer if you want, but at least for 15 minutes.
- Don't listen to music, a podcast, an audiobook – no additional noise in your ears; just the sounds that are outside, whether that is traffic or nature.
- There are many, many benefits to going for a walk outside.
If you feel comfortable sharing on Instagram a realization you came to, or a beautiful picture you took, please tag me in it, as I would love to experience this with you.
- The sense of smell is closely linked with memory, probably more so than any of our other senses.
- I believe that there are scents in your life now reminding you of your ex and that relationship.
- Bring a new scent into your life (a new soap, bath product, perfume, candle, dish soap etc.)
I would love it if you want to share about this on Instagram and tag me so I can see what you chose.
There are 3 types of people in your life who are either making a deposit or a withdrawal to/from your friendship bank.
- People who lift you up (they are easy to recognize – you feel good after talking to or spending time with them)
- People who are neutral (they might be coworkers, neighbors – people you say hello to and work with, but other than this, you don’t spend any more time together)
- People who try to bring you down (it’s either very clear that they lie to or about you, or sabotage your success or wellbeing in some way; or if this isn’t very clear, you know that something doesn’t feel right when you talk to or spend time with them)
My ask of you today goes hand in hand with this. I want you to go through your phone's contacts & delete anyone who is clearly in your life only to withdraw, but doesn’t add anything positive in return.
I would love to hear your thoughts as you go through this journey - on Instagram @YouAreTheCEOofYourLife
- In continuing to let go of even more reminders of your ex, I recommend you delete old text messages, voicemails, emails, Facebook messages, and other private messages on other social media platforms.
- Right now, your ex is no longer the person with whom you exchange phone calls and messages.
- Text a friend or family member when you see something that makes you smile, or if you’re having a really bad day.
I would love to hear your thoughts as you go through this journey - on Instagram @YouAreTheCEOofYourLife
- Change your computer’s background image and your phone’s wallpapers.
- Use pictures of anything that brings you joy when you look at it. But definitely don’t choose any photos that remind you of your ex and that relationship.
- If you feel comfortable sharing this picture on Instagram, I would love it if you tag me in it so I can see what you pick and what brings you joy.
- In episode, and over the next few days, you'll change something small about your life and routine in order to slowly replace something that might remind you of your ex.
- Today I want you to change your phone’s ringtone, the text message sound, any notifications if applicable, and even your alarm clock if you use your phone for that.
- Even if you might not realize it, the sounds you hear on a regular basis remind you of certain people or events in your life.
I would love to hear your thoughts as you go through this journey - on Instagram @YouAreTheCEOofYourLife
- When we’re in a relationship, there are various multimedia favorites that remind us of our significant other.
- Today I would like for you to find a new TV show/series, podcast, or YouTube channel to incorporate into your routine in this new season of your life.
- Come on over to my Instagram page and tell me what you've discovered!
Today's episode might not apply to you, but if it does, it’s something that a lot of people want to put off because it’s not a fun task.
- close any shared accounts you have with your ex. (bank, utilities, internet, gym membership etc.)
- if you and your ex lived together, decide on new living arrangements
- If you have any pets you got together, have a calm and reasonable discussion about what is best for the animal
If you're fortunate enough that none of this applies to you, have another solo dance party using the playlist I shared in day 4.
I would love to hear your thoughts as you go through this journey - on Instagram @YouAreTheCEOofYourLife
- Today's episode is something I am very excited about because I like implementing this in my life on a regular basis.
- No matter how small your space is, I want you to rearrange or change something about it.
- I would really love it if you would post on Instagram these little before-and-after photos and tag me in them.
- Today's episode falls under the “I learned this the hard way” category.
- I'm asking you to unfriend/unfollow/mute common friends on social media.
- While you can’t control what others might tell you, you can control what you see in your social media feeds.
I would love it if you would come on over to Instagram and tell me about your journey - @YouAreTheCEOofYourLife
- Today's action is simple, yet very effective at making you feel better (in genera).
- Get a bouquet of your (favorite) fresh flowers.
- This will make you calmer, reduce your stress levels and anxiety, and bring a smile to your face.
Come on over to Instagram, post a picture of the flowers you got for yourself, and tag me in it so I can share in your joy. I never get tired of looking at photos of flowers :D
Out of sight, out of mind, as the saying goes.
- Gather all the things that make you think of your ex and get them out of your life - donate, give away, sell, or toss them - whatever you need to do to get them out of your house and life.
- For whatever you’re not ready to part with yet, pack them in a box, tape it up, and put it under your bed or in the back of a closet - just somewhere where you won’t see it often.
- Write on the box “to get rid of on (the date 6 months from now).
- In 6 months, take the box to a donation center (without looking inside).
I would love to hear your thoughts as you go through this journey - on Instagram @YouAreTheCEOofYourLife
Check out this playlist I made for you to use and have a (solo) dance party in your living room!
I would love to hear your thoughts as you go through this journey - on Instagram @YouAreTheCEOofYourLife
Change your ex's name in your phone's contacts list to something along the lines of:
- 'A**hole who used me'
- 'Idiot who gave up on us'
I would love to hear your thoughts as you go through this journey - on Instagram @YouAreTheCEOofYourLife
- Your 'Sunshine Committee' will help fill the void left in your life by your ex.
- Who are the safe people in your life who will validate your pain?
- The value of being assertive with those around you. Also, don't minimize your sadness.
I would love to hear your thoughts as you go through this journey - on Instagram @YouAreTheCEOofYourLife
Join me for a month-long journey of daily tips to guide you through your breakup and healing journey. Moving on after a breakup is like tending to a serious injury. Over the course of the next 30 episodes, we will talk about various things to do to move on in a way that will provide a solid foundation for a fulfilled and joyful life ahead.
The simplicity of these steps might tempt you to dismiss their effectiveness. However, I can’t emphasize enough how confident I am that actually following these steps will make such a big difference during your healing process. I sincerely hope you’ll take these tips seriously.
Before I let you go, I also need to point out that you might be tempted to listen to all 30 episodes in one day, and then pick and choose which you will actually apply in your life. Please, really please, don’t do this. Trust me on this, and take it one episode, and one day, at a time.
I would love to hear your thoughts as you go through this experience - on Instagram @ YouAreTheCEOofYourLife
Welcome to the You Are the CEO of Your Life podcast, where we will talk about guidance, tips and conversations about healing post a (romantic) breakup, and then going on to live an amazing life regardless of your relationship status. We have so much to chat about! We will talk about staying safe as a single person, reasons why we ignore red flags when dating someone new, how to grieve the friendships that end along with a romantic relationship ending, the value of pets in our life, dealing with rejection, dealing with being single around the holidays, building a foundation for a healthy future relationship, and so many other topics.
Please come on over to my Instagram and say hello - @YouAreTheCEOofYourLife
All my best,
Adelina
Welcome to the You Are the CEO of Your Life podcast, where we will talk all things guidance, tips and conversations about healing after a (romantic) breakup, and then go on to live an amazing life regardless of your relationship status. We have so much to talk about!
Please come on over to my Instagram and say hello - @YouAretheCEOofYourLife
All my best,
Adelina