Poetry by Tyadnee: Recent Episodes
Ty Adnee
Whoever you are, wherever you are, I hope this poetry makes you feel a lot better :)
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This morning breeze reminds me of having another hope to live although The morning I wake up, The next minute, I want to sleep for another day My feeble-minded head keeps me locked in this small room And my fickle heart can't handle the anxiousness of it breaking again They blurt out their thoughts like bullets How can I die again when I'm already dead Tear me apart but my tears won't fall Gray days, stray away From what I once was Eyes dead, words unsaid And suppressed feelings How can I feel so safe in the dark When the night falls onto this deadly world, These familiar voices keeps barging in without any notice As the sky gets a little darker, they embrace me faintly Here I am, defeated by the burden in my head My moon, won't you stand beside me once more I look up to the sky like every other day, for you to keep me sane
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I don’t got a single problem with provocative I see their bodies how they burn It's just the way it is But don’t you dare close your eyes I’m not finished here Cutting my power line, oh Closer to homicide Talk me out of it I burn for you And you don’t even know my name If you asked me to I'd give up everything To be close to you Close to you Close to you, oh Close to you To be close to you Pull the trigger on the gun I gave you when we met I wanna be Close to you Break my heart and start a fire You got me overnight Just let me be Close to you Close to you Close to you, oh Oh, Close to you Close to you Close to you, oh
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Can I call you tonight But don't ask me why I just need someone to be here And tell me it'd be alright I know you suck at listening But your company is endearing You're bad at holding me tight But can you please keep me close just for tonight If that's alright with you. Blood gushes out of my skin Don't worry, I'll keep it clean Your voice keeps me afloat But my demon is pulling me down I feel myself drowning Words you said can't save me Your soft gestures can't untangle my complex mind And you got yourself intertwine into the mess I made I bet you don't care What a sweet misery So if it's alright with you, can I call you tonight? And stay on the phone with me
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I only let you down for a minute
Can't tell you my heart's really in it
and love will tears us apart 'till we finish.
Cut deeper in torts scars and sick of living with
Cold angry marks, but I messed up.
Punch a hole trough the wall,
Cause I'm so messed up.
Wandered into the dark without religion,
Pull my hands to your mouth,
Like you've been missing me.
Only make you think for a second,
Can't count all the nights you left me begging for,
Something worth my time,
Like how we left it.
You threw it away oh I'm just guessing 'cause,
I remember the time when you messed up,
Called me, wanting to hit back
But you messed up.
It's hard to pick up a hundred broken pieces.
Thinking it's best if we just leave em there.
I don't want to know,
About her, please leave me alone.
I crumbled once before you've done enough.
But not enough.
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It's been months since you're away The thoughts of you in my head slowly fades away I wonder what's living in your head or what's built in your heart Because you were standing there Watching me as I stumbled down The questions in my mind just won't stop running But soon it will be gone
The presence of you that I've stopped longing Made me believe you were dead And it placed me at peace I thought it was better if you were gone
Would you care if things are in a mess because of you Would you dare facing me on your knees Tell me you were sorry and You'd kill yourself if you do it again
The truth is the fate and only time will tell
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Why are you pretending to be strong
You even forgot where you belong
Just want to go home
But every time you're home, you're all alone
Just want to escape that dangerous mind
Hey, leave those bad thoughts behind
It's not easy, I know
You're smiling just for show
You told me you're lonely numerous times
You said you're depressed every time
I want to help you too
I wish I could be there for you
But it's only you who can change you
You're not a fool
I need you to stop overthinking
I understand you're mad and sad about everything
Believe me you'll heal someday
But that someday will take its time
You'll be free from those lonely days
And stop saying 'I'm fine'
I want to see your sincere smile
Please, please don't take away your life from me
Don't you even try to lie
Don't you ever say goodbye to me
I just wanted you to know
How worthy you are and how much you mean so much
to the people around you
Yeah, they broke your trust
It's only you who's stuck in the past
But does it matter? How can those people make your life any better?
If you have faith in yourself and I have faith in you
That's all that you need
So stop feeling so blue
There's no more feeling isolated.
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That day
When I had no one
You came to me and
Cheer up my day
WIth you stupid jokes
That day
When my friend weren't around
You sat with me and
Talked about how life was going
But we're not ready to leave
That day
When I was being moody
You were quarelling with me
Just for me to talk with you
But I didn't notice
I miss you
Right now, even more
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Are you proud of me or are you still dissatisfied I've given my all Even the smile that you despise I've no longer own myself and the heart that you love to rip apart What I've left for freedom is nothing but only to give in This meaningless cold tears and This soulless black eyes people would never look into Can never make you happy Why can't I let you go Why can't I erase you Or am I stranded in this pitch black of darkness I created? Or did I forget to pull out the knives I stabbed myself with? Oh pain, why don't you understand me? The thoughts in my head kills me more than the wounds on my wrists Oh you, yes you You in the mirror Even though I couldn't untangle myself from you I need to find the smile I've lost It's time to unleash you to where you belong
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And if I had the chance to tell you why, I don't think I ever could
I hope you don't sleep too late at night,
And keep wondering the reasons why
I'm sorry it had to end this way,
You know one day we need to walk away
Don't cry when you go to sleep
Don't let your depression fall to deep
Because you'll never understand why
Why would I tried to reach the sky
I never meant to do this
I'm sorry I did this to myself
I'm sorry I did this to us
But you'll never get it, do you?
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The silent tears you wept throughout that sleepless nights Only your thoughts echoed the walls of your clouded mind The warmth in the way you speak slowly fades away The dark whispers you breathed in the dark The shallow streams that guided you to mystery places does not excites you anymore And you no longer wait for the moon to ponder on Time, that you used to believed could solve everything does not exists anymore Where is the little girl? The little girl who blissfully looked forward to the future I can't help to break the endless misery you're in Even my words brings no strength And my presence does not bring you comfort So, I stood right here Watching you drowning in complete silence How the reality tear the parts of you I used to know Just breathe, my dear You're doing very well Today, tomorrow and every other day I hope you'll smile and be happy Because that's what you deserve
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Endless memories
Flashing in my head
Just when I'm about to leave
They grab onto me
Like I'm the only one who seems to keep them alive
And so, I'm at the starting line again
I am who you call a nightmare
You, who I called nightingale
Sang the sweetest melody
Then left me in confusion
Running in a maze
Of your messed up mind
Question me like I'm an unsolved mystery
But honey, isn't it obvious
I'm just clinging onto an illusion of you
That has long dead
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I saw your shoes behind the line
I’ve seen your face a hundred times
But now only in my mind
The rest of you is left behind
You lay there passed out on the couch
Words falling from your mouth
Maybe you like to drink too much
I could see you losing touch
Please don’t float too high
The sun will burn your wings
You are everything
Please just run away
The headlights they will catch you
Your mother she will miss you
So we all waited in a room
Flipped a switch and watched the news
Waiting for a sign of you
Breathing was impossible to do
So we all waited for the call
And wondered if you’re there at all
But no one’s lips knew what to say
Hoping that you won’t fly away
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Maybe the beach could be our place if it is raining
I know you don't like the cold, but I do
And maybe Winter's sooner than anticipated
I know you don't love the snow, but I love you
And maybe it's harder to let go than we wanted
I needed to hold on longer to you
And maybe it's ghosts from your past that keep haunting us
But, maybe it's better if you see them through
But, oooh
Oh, you stop the car to wake me up and I feel silent and I'm
Through and you walk me home but, I feel alone after miles of this
Blue sky, it's hanging over, but I'm alright and maybe one day I'll be fine instead of
Blue skies, cause I feel like a storm tonight and blue don't feel right
And maybe there's better things than what you want in New York
I want you to let me change your mind and stay
And maybe if you could read my mind, you'd see it's killing me
And maybe I'd be better off that way
But, oooh
You still stop the car to wake me up and I feel silent and I'm
Through and you walk me home but, I feel alone after miles of this
Blue sky, it's hanging over, but I'm alright and maybe one day I'll be fine instead of
Blue skies, cause I feel like a storm tonight and blue don't feel right
Blue (×3)
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It seems like the good memories are fading slowly I held onto the bad memories on my left hand so tight that My right hand that contains my happiness weakened I was trying so hard to learn the lesson that I forgot To treasure what made me happy
And because of that, My world became colourless And I don't know how to paint it with bright colours When I'm still too attached to sadness or whatever that seems dark
I'm 20 but I'm still a kid Finding its way out from a misery that I built.
I kept holding onto the pain until it blinds my vision To see the people in my surroundings
'Everyone is struggling, why are you whining?'
Sometimes I ask these thoughts to myself, 'Is living so hard for you? What is making so hard for you?'
'It's me. I'm tired of myself. I'm so tired of myself.'
I wish I could be gentle to myself a little more. Just a little bit more.
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My hands are getting cold It’s trembling Heart is beating out loud Eyes wavering with tears Trying hard not to pour it out I don’t know why I just want to cry I’m sad but it’s not my intention I’m tired of these feelings Next day I woke up in the morning Next thing I wish I was dead Had to go through the same things Tried to be stronger but I just can’t I don’t want to be sad anymore But I know I’ll have to someday Maybe today is the day And tomorrow won’t be the same
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Can I be happy again
I buried myself beneath these walls
Build a barrier between me and the world
Can I be okay now
A stranger in the crowd
Drove myself somewhere to begin
But I never belong anywhere
Take me somewhere far away
Don’t let my demons get to me
I want to be strong
But every day seems so hard for me to
Live
How did I end up here
Lost and dark in this hole
Could I be any empty less than this
Cleanse out my heart
Where I hide from loneliness
I’m afraid of this figure
How can I breathe
In a space, I suffocate
But I just want to live
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Someday when we meet again In a different story In an unfamiliar steps I hope you’ll be able to recognize this heart This piece of heart that always long for you Somehow I thought I understand the pain Beneath your weary eyes The feelings you hid under your sleeves Your cold somewhat warm hands that kept Shelter from my fears Under this pouring rain I’m taking the hardest steps in my life The moment you disappeared Everything has been decided since then Someday when we meet again When our eyes are locked I hope you’ll understand my cold soul This scarred soul that wants to be alive
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If I can't be what wished for, If I can't make you proud, If I all that I give is disappointment, Will you still love me the same
I've been thinking a lot of ending my pain But it's always gonna be same This world will never change
I know I can never be like the rest I'm sorry that I'm a failure
I'm just your mistake That you never noticed You said it'll be okay But I never healed
I know I'm getting worse All these pain I'm taking Seems to lead me to an end But you'll never know
I'm scared I swear These sinful tears filled up My sleepless nights I'm taken away by sorrow
It's so hard to pretend now These feelings are getting heavier N these worries only bring me down
I don't need a talk I just need a hug To calm this trembling heart of mine So it won't be hard to live tomorrow
I'll said that I'm fine Hope it won't worries you tonight I'll tell you I'm happy So you won't have to watch me cry Or to watch me die
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From a book : You are Loved (7 things to remember when you feel broken, left out and abandoned)
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Sitting alone in this darkness
Lying down on this cold floor
Where have you gone the person, I thought I knew
Was it a mistake to love another poor soul?
We’re finding ways to escape from a room without doors
I’m always invincible in your eyes
How could I ever forget those embraces that healed my wounded soul
I’m too far gone
You’re too blind to see
This blurry road could never get me to where you are
Give me all the reasons so I could end me
We’re both broken but you couldn’t find the heart to see my soul
And I remain here under the dim light, waiting
Maybe someday you’ll see me
But a ghost will always be trapped in the dark
I know you’re clear enough
After all, I’m not that person
I’m not her
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Dear Moon, will you stay with me through the night?
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I can't keep my eyes shut
Fear of tomorrow's future
But I'll breathe with hope under the morning sun
I'll keep close, what's left of me
So I won't lose myself someday
If tomorrow is a failure I'll live another day with a stronger me
Afraid that I might fill up my nights with grieve, I can't erase easily
Step by step, I'll take
Slowly, carefully, I look forward to the future I know nothing about
It might be different, It might be the same
Failure or success I'll live,
I'll breathe in and out
Even though days passes by and I struggle to sleep
I'll fill my nights with courage So, I'll walk with hope
And leave those sorrows behind
I'll run away with bravery
From the darkness in the back of mind
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The sunlight won't feel warm anymore when I'm cold Like how u hugged me that noon When I curled up in the dark
I'm a wounded soul And all i needed now was your love I wish you never left me But you're feelings matter more than mine It's okay, i understand
Was my love was too blind for you to see Did I ever meant anything to you at all Because you had the nerve to let me go I guess I'm just too naive
Teach me how to hate you Before you ditched me forever Teach me how to forget you When you're always in my dreams
How can I be happy now that I know I've hurt you deep to the core How can I be better now that you're gone when I needed you the most How can I be fine again now that I've lost myself
You forced me to live in a world without you So tell me, how am I supposed to be okay with that?
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It’s dark down here
I keep falling deeper
No strength to struggle
To catch those hands that wanted to pull me out
I’m not breathing
Am I living?
If I try, would it be worth it?
Will I be happy again?
Will I get to breathe comfortably?
I know I can’t live the life I wished for
This road could never get easier
I want to be strong but I feel so weak
Feel all the love so why can’t I take it in?
I feel so disgusted with myself
How did I become like this?
Why am I living this way?
Can I afford to lose more people?
It’s a shame if you stay with me
I can’t love you
I don’t even love myself
So please, just run away
I can’t give you, what you gave to me
I can’t care enough like you did for me
I think this is what happens for ruining a life
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I guess I can never forget you. As long as it keeps raining, as long as I still consume in this world, I'll always remember you.
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You can always stand up and walk again. Pause for a moment. Breathe. Continue your journey. And live.
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The raining season is here again. Will I meet you again at the same place, same time?
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