Screen&Life Podcast: Recent Episodes
Steve Moitozo
For years I secretly hated the relational dynamics in my family. While I felt like Glenda and I related well, the way we related to our kids and the ways they related to each other were troublesome to me. What’s worse, I felt both responsible for it and powerless to change it. Often during my drive home from work I would resolve to walk in the door and be a blessing to my family. I would think, “I’m going to be different today. I’m going to change things.” But the second I walked in the door I would be assaulted by some escalating chaotic situation. My reaction would often just end up amplifying the situation.I think everyone in our family would agree, it sucked to be in the Moitozo family in those moments. Over time this situation drove each of us into various forms of isolating activities: staying longer at work, playing video games, watching TV, etc. I think each of us had figured out that sometimes it felt better to avoid interaction in order to have some level of peace and order. It was becoming a relational mess.We needed a family culture overhaul.I do a lot of thinking when I drive. So when I needed to go to Florida for some meetings I decided to drive and take advantage of the 20 hours on the road. It was on this trip that I realized I’d seen this kind of persistent pattern before in a work culture I had inherited. As I thought about the similarities I remembered what I had done to change the dynamics there. I was shocked and a bit embarrassed that I had never thought to apply the leadership approaches I use in my work to my family. But I figured, “How could it hurt? These things are designed for cultivating organizational health. What organization is more important to me than my family?”When I returned home I told Glenda I had an idea to adapt the ideas in Patrick Lencioni’s book, The Advantage, to our family. The basic premise of the book is that organizations do not fail because of a lack of intelligence, the fail because they are unhealthy. He goes on to talk about the four disciplines organizations can pursue in order to achieve the advantage of organizational health:Establishing a cohesive leadership teamCreating clarityOver-communicating that clarityReinforcing the clarityOrganizational Health Model from tablegroup.com Read more at https://screen.life/post/140513378453
Jordan Fenster’s article, Minecaft: 5 things parents should know, provides a helpful initial parent orientation to Minecraft. While he may paint a little rosier picture than I would, the article does contain several key points that parents of Minecrafters should know about. In addition to his five I would add a few more…There is craftingWhile the every element in the game is available to players in creative mode, much more effort is required of players in the other game modes. For instance, if you’re in survival mode and want to chop a tree with something more than your hand, you will need to build your own axe. If you want to build a cobblestone walkway you will need to process your stone into cobblestone. In order to create the elements and implements needed players use a crafting table. By gathering the necessary ingredients they are able to make the things they need with their crafting table. Read more at https://screen.life/post/139968512518
“There is a way to harness the addictive nature of technology on the side of effective parenting: Parents should own the technology in their homes. Game stations, video screens, TVs, computers and the like should come under the total control and ownership of the parents, and should be offered on parental terms.” -Ray Messer, How to control your kid’s screen timeGlenda and I were fed up with the chaos, craziness, and dysfunction of the relationship between our boys. Our sons could sense it and I think they often took advantage of us by creating chaos. One day I was talking with Tim, one of the counselors where I work and he suggested that we needed to re-establish our authority. Part of his recommendation was to figure out what motivated each of our sons. What did each of them want, that we could control? Once we found these levers we could use them to retrain our sons.As we looked for these levers we discovered that screen time was a powerful motivator for both of our sons. Sometimes I think they would be happy to spend their life in front of a computer screen. Whether it’s the draw of exploring virtual worlds in Minecraft or the never ending stream of entertainment of YouTube; there is a lot to see and do. So, we decided to use screen time as currency. They want it and we control it; we can give it and we can take it away. At this point in time, it’s the perfect currency for training the hearts of our sons. Read more at https://screen.life/post/139687977428
Years ago my dad and I were flying a kite in the backyard. We’d found that as we worked the kite into the sky we sometimes had to reel it back a bit in order to stabilize it. With some finesse we got that kite about 200 feet in the air. It was so stable at that height that when my mother called us for dinner we just tied it to the clothesline and went in to eat. When we returned half an hour later it was right where we left it.There are a lot of similarities between flying a kite and raising kids. Sometimes we give them a boost to get started. Sometimes we let out the line to see if they’re ready for new heights. Sometimes we put tension on the line to stabilize them. And sometimes we let them soar.Parenting in a world that surrounds us with media, gadgets and 24/7 stimuli can sometimes feel like trying to fly a kite without the ability to reel in and out. It sometimes feels like a herky jerky mess of ever increasing and irreversible exposures.My aim with this series is to bring some hope and inspiration in this area. There are some practical things you can do to gain some helpful controls that will aid you as you teach your kids to live in a world of screens. In this short series I will touch on practical tips and tactics for network setup, parental controls, password management, and screen time allowances. It’s my goal to show you that you don’t have to feel like you’re at the mercy of the technology. A number of these tips you’ll be able to put to use in seconds. Read more at https://screen.life/post/138726859451
Our family recently used the Screen&Life Discussion Matrix during one of our family meetings. We took different example videos and games and put them on the matrix using sticky notes. I was surprised to find some things landed in multiple spots depending on who would be watching or playing. This led me to the realization that while some things are clearly in or out of bounds for our entire family, there are a few things that depend on the person. As the week went on a real life example presented itself and got me thinking… Minecraft is a virtual world with little structure that allows people to do everything from build castles to play hide and go seek. One son loves to build things and to battle player-vs-player. The other son likes player-vs-player battling and a good quest. Once in a while they will discover something they both enjoy and currently that thing is Skywars. They react very differently, especially when they play together.Skywars is a timed player elimination game; kind of like king of the hill. Each player tries to be the last one standing and there are a lot of ways to die; including making mistakes that cause you to fall to your own death. It’s a fast paced game that requires quick thinking and fairly high levels of speed and skill in Minecraft. It has all the necessary elements to drive a passionate kid over the edge. Read more at https://screen.life/post/138282562428
Introducing the Screen & Life Discussion Matrix“Dad, can we watch Guardians of the Galaxy? Can we get Call of Duty? Can I play on the OPBlocks Minecraft server?”These questions seem to come daily. But I don’t just want to be a black box giving yes/no answers, especially as my sons get older. I want them to be able to think critically and apply our values. I want them to learn to make these decisions on their own. It’s my job to raise them to be young men who will be responsible for leading others.I put together the “screen & life discussion matrix” to help our family talk through these things. It’s a tool that gives us a way of seeing where different types of screen time activities land. Read more at https://screen.life/post/137807899264
You know those times when your 10 year old son walks up and says, “Dad I’d like to spend time learning from your life experiences. Can we sit and talk for a little while?”
Yeah, me neither. (But if this is your life, would you please stop reading this blog and start writing your own so I can read it?)
In our house it’s more like, “It’s time. Get off the computer son.“ To which he says, “Dad, I’m in the middle of mining obsidian so I can level up to triple whip-dee-do and get a gazillian dollars so I can buy another blah blah blah.” And I reply, “Well, you have two minutes to wrap it up and log off.” Five minutes later I’m reminding him to get off the computer. He grudgingly finishes up only to grab his phone. “No, don’t pick up your phone or reach for the Roku remote. I want to talk to you for a sec.”If this sounds familiar then you and I have things we can learn together. I am blessed to be married to Glenda for 19 years and have two sons between the ages of 10 and 13. But I do not have all of this figured out. We’ve learned some things and I hope to share them with you. But I bet you have learned things as well and I’d like to learn from you. I want to share the journey of figuring out how to capitalize on all the benefits of screens in life while avoiding many of the negative side-effects. Read more at https://screen.life/post/137493473013