Hi everyone — long time no write! I recorded this update instead of typing it, and I've got a lot to share about what's coming this fall and winter. Here's the quick rundown, with space for registration links that I’ll add as they go live.

Paid subscribers can participate in my weekly Writers’ Haven Huddlesbeginning this September!

Join me for Writers’ Haven Huddles — every week, just for paid subscribers — beginning in September.

Think of these as your standing literary dates. Each week we’ll gather live, and the vibe shifts with the calendar:

Week 1 of each month is Ask Me Anything Huddle— bring your questions, no topic off-limits. Week 2 of each month is a Craft Huddle focused on memoir and personal essay, digging into the techniques that make true stories sing. Week 3 of each month is a Grief Huddle, space to write and sit with loss alongside people who get it. Week 4 of each month is a News and Inspiration Huddle, where we talk about what’s moving us in the writing world right now. And on months with a fifth week? Bonus round: a Live Storytelling Huddle.

A new reason to show up every week. Upgrade to a paid subscription and come huddle with us!

Where I’ve Been!

It’s been an incredibly busy June and July. Here’s a taste of where I’ve been:

June 5Wichita Falls, TX

I headlined the inaugural Storyteller Sessions @ Collective Coffee TX

June 12Madison, WI

A brief stop in this beautiful city for our friends’ wedding was capped off by a beautiful night of healing through grief.

June 19Sedona and Carefree, AZ

A location scouting trip through these two wonderful cities in advance of my next Write to Heal Retreat. Here’s some info on my last retreat.

June 19In Paris, celebrating with my extended family

July 9Launch event in NYC for Relative Strangers: Inheritance, Identity, and the Meaning of Kinship (edited by B.K. (Kate) Jackson)

Upcoming Events and Offerings

Saturday, July 18Reading from Relative Strangers: Inheritance, Identity, and the Meaning of Kinship with Sarah Leibov. Moderated by Robert K. Elder.Secret World BooksHighland Park, IL4pmRegister here

Sunday, August 30Reading from Relative Strangers: Inheritance, Identity, and the Meaning of Kinship with Sarah Leibov and Michèle Dawson Haber. Moderated by Heidi Stevens.The Book StallWinnetka, IL2 pmRegister here

Save the Date(s)!

Thursdays, October 8 - November 126-Week Memoir CourseIn PersonNorthwestern University’s Norris CenterRegistration info coming soon!Saturday, October 17Expressive Writing for Emotional Healing WorkshopIn PersonNorthwestern University’s Norris Center1-4 pm CentralRegistration info coming soon!Saturday, November 7Set Up Your Substack BootcampIn PersonNorthwestern University’s Norris Center10a-3pRegistration info coming soon!January 2027 (dates TBD)Family Secrets in Contemporary Memoir Virtual Course92nd Street YRegistration info coming soon!Saturday, January 30Expressive Writing for Emotional Healing WorkshopIn PersonNorthwestern University’s Norris Center1-4 pm CentralRegistration info coming soon!Saturday, February 27The Everyday Entrepreneur Bootcamp: Turn Your Passion Into a BusinessIn PersonNorthwestern University’s Norris Center10a-3pRegistration info coming soon!

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Thanks to ALL who joined us for our Writers On Writing live video on Wednesday, May 6, 2026.

WRITING AS A LIFELINE: A conversation with Cali Bird and Christine Wolf.

Subscribe to Writers' Haven by Christine Wolf on Substack

Subscribe to Gentle Creative by Cali Bird on Substack

Books by Cali Bird

• Don't Give Up Your Day Job: Practical ways to lead a fulfilling life and still pay the mortgage

• Tales of the Countess

Work with Cali Bird, Business Therapy Coach & Life Coach Click here to learn more about Cali's coaching work

Books by Christine Wolf

• Pre-Order Relative Strangers: Inheritance, Identity, and the Meaning of Kinship

• Politics, Partnerships, & Power: The lives of Ralph E. and Marguerite Stitt Church

• Storied Stuff Volume Two: Show and Tell for Grownups

Interested in gaining discounted, early access to Christine Wolf's Self-Guided Memoir Course in exchange for your honest feedback? Click here.

Christine Wolf, Host

Christine Wolf is a trauma-informed memoir coach, developmental editor, and publisher of Writers' Haven by Christine Wolf on Substack. She's a former opinion columnist with the Chicago SunTimes and the Chicago Tribune and a StorySLAM champion at The Moth. She's a contributor to the anthology Relative Strangers, the co-author of Politics, Partnerships, & Power: The Lives of Ralph E. and Marguerite Stitt Church, and a contributor to Storied Stuff Volume 2. Get in touch with Christine.

Cali Bird, Guest

Cali Bird writes the Gentle Creative Substack where she talks about lessons learnt as she discovers a chronic sense of self-love and a side-order of resilience. In the last few years Cali has dealt with severe burnout, recovery from long-covid and a tragic accident where her husband sustained a traumatic brain injury. Her approach to life is totally different from a few years ago when everything was about productivity, achievement and pushing through. Now it’s all about joy, love and being kind to herself. As well as her Substack, Cali also writes fiction and has recently started coaching again. She has practised Buddhism for nearly forty years.

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Hi, I’m Christine Wolf. I’m a trauma-informed memoir coach certified in Mental Health First Aid response. In my work, I sit with people who are writing about the hardest chapters of their lives. And today, on National Fentanyl Awareness Day, I want to talk about a topic that comes up more than you might think.

Here’s what you need to know.

Fentanyl is a synthetic opioid 100 times more potent than morphine. Two milligrams — a few grains of salt — can kill you. It’s being pressed into counterfeit pills made to look exactly like Xanax, Percocet, and Adderall. People take what they think is a prescription pill, and they don’t survive it.

In 2013, there were 3,105 recorded fentanyl fatalities in the United States. By 2022, that number had jumped to more than 73,000 — a 23-fold increase in less than a decade. It is the leading cause of death for Americans between the ages of 18 and 45. And 75% of overdose deaths among kids ages 10 to 19 involve fentanyl, often without them knowing they took it at all.

Here’s the part that matters today: we are making progress. Overdose deaths dropped 24% from 2023 to 2024, and that’s not by accident. This is the result of funding, awareness, naloxone access, treatment programs, and communities refusing to stay silent.

But the progress is precarious. We are watching federal funding for these programs face cuts. We are watching conversations get quieter at the exact moment they need to get louder.

So today — please talk to someone.

Learn what naloxone is and where to get it. You can often get it for free. And if you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out to SAMHSA — the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, a federal agency within the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Their helpline is free, confidential, and available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The number is 1-800-662-4357.

And, if you’ve lost someone, please hear this:

Losing a loved one to substance passing is in no way a reflection on them or on you. It is not a failure of willpower. It is not a weakness of morality or character. Addiction is a health crisis, and fentanyl is uniquely and devastatingly lethal — often striking people who had no idea what they were even taking.

Too often, families are left to grieve in silence — isolated and judged — because these losses aren’t talked about enough. That silence is part of the problem. And breaking it is part of the solution.

There is a community for you. GRASP — Grief Recovery After Substance Passing — exists specifically for people navigating this kind of loss. Find them at grasphelp.org.

Here’s how you can be part of the solution today:

Talk about it. With your kids, your neighbors, your colleagues. Awareness is what saves lives. See below for talking points and resources.
Carry naloxone. It’s available without a prescription and it reverses overdose. Look up how to get it in your area.
Share this video. You might not know who in your circle needs it — but someone probably does.
Donate or volunteer with organizations fighting this crisis on the ground.
Call your representatives. Tell them that funding for mental health and substance use treatment is not optional. Plug in your address here to find your congressional representatives.

The deaths we’ve seen from fentanyl overdose have gone down because people showed up. Please don’t stop showing up.

Thank you.

#NationalFentanylAwarenessDay #NFAD2026 #StopOverdose SAMHSA: 1-800-662-4357 | grasphelp.org

How to talk about fentanyl

For parents talking to kids:

Drug Enforcement Administration: www.dea.gov/fentanylawareness — plain-language facts plus conversation guides
Song for Charlie: www.songforcharlie.org — founded by a father who lost his son; has specific film resources and family discussion guides designed for this exact conversation
Talk. They Hear You. (SAMHSA): www.samhsa.gov/talk-they-hear-you — a campaign specifically built to help parents start the conversation with young people

For educators and community leaders:

CDC Fentanyl Awareness Toolkit: www.cdc.gov/overdose-prevention — includes shareable facts, social media content, and classroom resources
Song for Charlie’s “Real Talk About Fake Pills” — a film with educator guides designed for school assemblies

For anyone talking to someone who may be struggling:

SAMHSA: www.samhsa.gov — has guides on how to have supportive, non-shaming conversations about substance use
Mental Health First Aid: www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org — training and talking point resources for approaching someone in crisis

For general awareness conversations:

www.USAFacts.org — clean, nonpartisan data on fentanyl deaths you can cite without anyone questioning the source
DEA One Pill Can Kill: www.dea.gov/onepill — simple, shareable facts about counterfeit pills

Free or low-cost naloxone — where to look:

Easiest starting point:

SAMHSA’s treatment locator: findtreatment.gov — search for free naloxone programs near you by zip code
NEXT Distro: nextdistro.org — a mail-based harm reduction platform that delivers free naloxone directly to your door, nationwide

At pharmacies — no prescription needed:

Narcan nasal spray is now available over the counter for under $50 at most major pharmacies including CVS, Walgreens, Walmart, and Rite Aid
If you have insurance, a prescription is almost always covered, often at a $0–$10 copay through Medicaid, Medicare, or commercial plans
Use GoodRx (goodrx.com) for coupons if paying out of pocket

Community resources:

Local harm reduction programs — including syringe service programs, recovery centers, and community health organizations — frequently distribute naloxone for free and often provide training on how to use it
Your local health department — search “[your state] free naloxone program”
Some states are now installing vending machines in public places like libraries and clinics that provide free naloxone kits

NOTE: Urban pharmacies generally have good stock, while rural areas and tribal communities may face more limited access — so community-based and mail options like NEXT Distro matter especially in those areas.

Writers' Haven by Christine Wolf is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

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Hi hi! After a long day of working, instead of refilling my water bottle, I somehow decided to go LIVE on Substack, as one does in the midst of a regime change.

The heart wants what it wants, and tonight, my heart clearly yearned for seven unscripted minutes of fidgeting in front of a camera, crying in front of your literary hero and various acquaintances and strangers, and fumbling desperately for the END button.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

And, I survived!

I’d been considering doing something like this for some time now… just an IMPROMPTU check-in with the Writers’ Haven community. The problem was, I kept overthinking it. Is this the right time?What will I say?Will I bother people?But tonight, I just said, Fk it — we’re doing this. Sorry, Mom and Dad

And you know what surprised me the most?Not the tech (which was EASY, btw).Not the awkwardness (my entire life is awkward). It’s that people showed up without any prior notice, and they left some comments in real time. This is all still so insane to me.

When I started blogging back in another century, I’d sit at this very same desk, pressing publish and wondering where my words even went. Now, I hit a button and there are very real, very cool humans like you, gathering with me, passing notes back and forth in front of the entire room.

That’s absolutely amazing.

Thanks for letting me give you a tour of my fidget tools and for somehow not making it weird that I started crying.

The real world feels far scarier to me right now than going live on Substack ever could. Hitting “GO LIVE” by myself without a script or a plan? I guess it took a little nerve—but it pales in comparison to what so many of us are carrying every day. In that context, my fear felt smaller.

Since I have you…

I didn’t know exactly what Writers’ Haven would become on Substack. I just knew I wanted it to be a place of safety, solace, and real community through writing. A space where the conversation is positive, helpful, and growth-focused. These are the “flavors” I’ve been craving.

My hope is that Writers’ Haven can be a refuge—for writers, yes, but also for grievers, truth-tellers, and people healing from trauma. Maybe that sounds like a weird mashup of folks, but I’m just reporting what I see and who I meet here. And I’m here for it all.

I’m 57 years old, and I’ve never felt more energized or more motivated to help others. I got incredibly lucky when I found writing. It turns out it’s my source of deep, restorative thinking. My healing practice. My way of building community. And somehow—it’s joyful, too. Is that what a superpower is?

So, I want to open this up to you. Who should I be talking to? Who do you want in your inbox? If you have a sec, please share names of writers, authors, and writing-adjacent folks you’re curious about. Like songwriters! And greeting card writers!

Also…tell me what craft issues you’re wrestling with, what publishing trends you want unpacked, and the literary news that deserves attention. I’ll do my best to reach out and gather people we’d all love hearing from. If I have to, I’ll sweet-talk them. And, if necessary, I’ll gently drag them here.

This space is better when we build it together.

Thanks for being here.

LAST WEEK TO REGISTER!

Last Week To Register!

Only 2 spots left in my 6-Week Memoir Workshop at Northwestern University

Come on out for 6-weeks and watch me fidget each night in front of the classroom! It’s my first time teaching an in-person memoir course, and I’m so excited to work with a small group of writers, supporting them wherever they’re at in their memoir-writing journey. You don’t need a full manuscript to register. Maybe you have a kernel of an idea and you don’t know where to begin? I’ve got you.

Memoir Writing: Training Grounds for the Long Run6 Weeks, 6-8pm, Northwestern University

Thursdays, Jan 22 — Feb 26, 2026

Max 12 studentsRegistration fee: Public $89, NU $79Registration Link: https://nbo.universitytickets.com/w/event.aspx?id=2607In this six-week memoir course, you’ll learn how to shape your lived experiences into a meaningful narrative while developing a steady writing rhythm that supports real progress. Award-winning writer and memoir coach Christine Wolf—drawing on her marathon-inspired approach—guides you through structure, scene writing, reflection, emotional pacing, and identifying the moments that define your story. Each session includes a brief expressive writing lesson, gentle support, and an optional page exchange. You’ll also receive an overview of book proposals and publishing paths. This is a warm space to begin—or return to—your memoir with intention.

Writers' Haven by Christine Wolf is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

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LAST CALL for Submissions (by 9/30)

We’re collecting 750-word essays for We Began Again: Collected Essays on Second Chances through 11:59pm Central time on Tuesday, September 30, 2025.

Hey, everyone!Hope you’re having a great start to your week. Friendly reminder that TOMORROW’s your last chance to submit a second chance story for the book I’m co-editing with Eric, called WE BEGAN AGAIN: Collected Essays on Second Chances.(And, I just realized that I’ve been married for 100 days! WHAT?)

We Began Again:Collected Essays on Second Chances

Edited by Christine Wolf & Eric Ronne

We’re thrilled to officially announce our very first collaborative book project as co-editors (and newlyweds)!

This collection will feature personal essays from writers around the world—true stories of transformation, resilience, and hope when life took an unexpected turn — by writers who chose to begin again.

As a real-life second-chance couple, we’re so excited to begin our new chapter as wife and husband (see what I did there?). We invite you to share in our joy by sharing your story (or stories!) of reinvention.

Submission Window

Opens: June 21, 2025 at 9:00am CST (our wedding day!)Closes: September 30, 2025 at 11:59pm CST

✍️ What We’re Looking For

We’re accepting personal essays (up to 750 words) on how a second chance impacted your life. A few examples:

A second chance at love after heartbreak or loss
A career pivot or unexpected professional reinvention
Starting over in a new place—a town, a country, or even just a new mindset
Returning to sobriety, or beginning a journey of recovery
Rebuilding trust with a friend, partner, or family member
Reinventing yourself after failure, burnout, illness, grief, or regret
Or any other moment where life gave you another shot, and you took it

If you’ve ever had to rebuild, reimagine, or begin again, we want to hear your story.

3 Top Tips for Success

Jump right into the action.

Don’t give us a ton of backstory. Instead, consider starting with the problem you faced and what the stakes were.

Embrace vulnerability.Make sure readers understand what your struggle was. Let us sit with the discomfort of the unknown before telling us how you “solved” or “fixed” things. Bring us into your feelings of shock, indecision, pain, loss, or overwhelm.
Tell us more than just what happened: Go deep and describe how the events made you FEEL.

Submission Fee: $10 per essay (but FREE to paid subscribers of this newsletter)

FAQs

1. Will contributors be paid?

Not financially, but here’s what you will receive:

A digital copy of the finished book
A chance to have your writing featured and promoted in a one-of-a-kind collection launched during a real-life love story
Interviews with us once the book’s published
Our deepest gratitude for helping us build something meaningful, lasting, and real

2. Can I submit more than one essay?

Yes!

3. Can I submit previously published work?

Yes, as long as you have the rights to the content.

4. Will I retain the rights to the work I submit?

Yes!

5. Can I publish under a pen name?

Yes!

6. Are you looking for uplifting stories? Vulnerable stories? Unresolved stories?

Yes. Yes. And yes.

7. How do I submit?

Paid subscribers, click here to submit your essay(s) FREE!Use Discount Code SECONDCHANCE

Not a paid subscriber? No problem! Click here to submit your essay and pay a $10 reading fee.

Questions?

Drop your questions in the comments. We’re happy to clarify anything.

Know Someone With A Good Second Chance Story?

Please share this post with them and encourage them to submit an essay!

We can’t wait to read your second chance stories—big or small, joyful or complicated, typical or miraculous. They all matter.

With love and excitement,Christine & Eric

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Upcoming Virtual & In-Person (Chicago Area) Workshops

Sunday, September 28 | 9a-12 PM CentralVIRTUAL: ZOOM (Can’t make it? You’ll receive a link to the recording)Expressive Writing for Emotional Healing (3 hours)$100 (Paid subscribers save 50% off using code WHMEMBER at checkout)Register here: https://www.christinewolf.com/shop/expressive-writing-for-emotional-healing-a-3-hour-virtual-webinar-am5dj
Wednesday, October 1 | 6–7:30 PM CentralIN PERSONExpressive Writing for Emotional Healing (1.5 hours)Chicago Public Library (Rogers Park Branch)6907 N. Clark Street, Chicago, IL 60626FREERegister here: https://lnkd.in/g2Vtd2yF
Saturday, October 25 | 1–4 PM CentralIN PERSONExpressive Writing for Emotional Healing (3 hours)Northwestern’s Norris University Center (Evanston)NU $39 | Public $49Register here: https://lnkd.in/gTRR98sg
Saturday, November 1 | 2–5 PM CentralIN PERSONExpressive Writing for Emotional Healing (3 hours)Northwestern’s Norris University Center (Evanston)NU $39 | Public $49Register here: https://lnkd.in/gmPjKvMDThese workshops are a space to explore your story, process your emotions, and discover the healing power of writing in community.If you or someone you know could benefit, I’d love to see you there. 💜

Want to work together?

My client roster is currently full, and the waitlist has grown long, so I’m preparing to release my Self-Guided Memoir Course for those who want to get started sooner than I’m available. It helps you clarify your objectives, identify your starting point and timeline, zero in on your themes and turning points, and (most of all) lean into the tough stuff that you may feel uneasy about addressing. Click here to sign up for updates about the Self-Guided Memoir Course release — as well as early-bird pricing notifications.

Writers' Haven by Christine Wolf is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

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Ahem.

I almost didn’t post this video.I watched it and cringed. —Why didn’t I hold the camera higher?—Why didn’t I speak more concisely?—Why did I repeat myself in so many places?

WHATEVER.

This is me. And this is my authentic encouragement to you:

Embrace the mess and keep going! We’ve GOT this.

Writers' Haven by Christine Wolf is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Donate to My Marathon Fundraising Effort!

https://donate.hakuapp.com/donations/new?fundraiser=1181661ec953b95553c9

UPCOMING EVENTS!

The SUSTAINABLE WRITING SUMMIT (Virtual, FREE!)22 Speakers, September 10-13

On Sept 10-13, my friend Sloan is hosting the Sustainable Writing Summit, a free event aimed at helping writers keep the creative spark alive and keep showing up to the page — even in difficult times.

I hope you'll check out Sloan’s live interview with me on September 10th from 1-2pm Central for “WHO AM I TO WRITE MEMOIR?”

In this engaging 30-minute session, Sloan and I will share a candid conversation about the doubts, fears, and obstacles that keep so many aspiring memoirists from starting—or finishing—their stories.

Drawing on years of experience guiding first-time writers, I’ll unpack the most common questions I hear, including: Am I writing for myself or the public? What qualifies me to tell my story? Where do I start and end? How do I make readers care if I don’t have a big following?

Together, we’ll explore how to navigate imposter syndrome, stay accountable, and find supportive communities and resources. We’ll also touch on the “rules” of writing about others, plus what to do once a manuscript is complete.

Whether you’re just beginning to imagine your book or deep in the writing process, this session will offer practical insights and encouragement to help you finally claim your voice on the page.It's free to sign up, and you'll also get access to 20+ more presentations and interviews that will help you make space for your art and figure out your next steps. Each session will have a replay available for 24 hours after it launches.

You can find more info here: https://sustainable-writing-summit.heysummit.com/?ac=BwPLpBLS

There's something at the summit for every creative writer — whether you're working in fiction, memoir, or poetry; a plotter or a pantser; whether you thrive with clear, analytical next steps or a more meditative, reflective approach — there's something in these presentations to help you find a clear path forward. And if you're interested in extra resources and accountability, there's an optional paid upgrade that includes extended access to all the sessions, as well as bonus resources and co-working sessions.

UPCOMING WORKSHOPS ON EXPRESSIVE WRITING FOR EMOTIONAL HEALING

Wednesday, October 1, 2025 — 6-7:30pm1.5 hour in-person workshopChicago Public LibraryRogers Park Branch6907 N. Clark Street, Chicago IL 60626Register here

Saturday, October 25, 2025 — 1-4pm3-hour in-person workshopNorthwestern’s Norris University Center1999 Campus Dr, Evanston, IL 60208Registration fee: NU $39, Public $49Registration linkSaturday, November 1, 2025 — 2-5pm3-hour in-person workshopNorthwestern’s Norris University Center1999 Campus Dr, Evanston, IL 60208Registration fee: NU $39, Public $49Registration link

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I’ve had the honor of knowing authors Steve and Sharon Fiffer for nearly two decades, and from DAY ONE, I’ve admired their writing wisdom and passion for building community.

In this interview, we discuss (among other things)…

…how Steve and Sharon Fiffer conceived the idea for STORIED STUFF, their brilliant new anthology of short stories about cherished objects

…how they collaborate as co-editors, and

…how YOU can submit a story to the Storied-stuff.com website.Grab your copy of STORIED STUFF (the book) now, and check out the STORIED-STUFF (website) submissions guidelines to submit your own short story (up to 500 words) about a cherished object.

Short Stories that Make a Big Impact

All proceeds of the STORIED STUFF books will go to organizations supporting those who lost cherished objects in the 2025 L.A. fires. Thanks to Ramona Grigg, Linda Gartz, Anne-Julia Price, Douglas Corrigan, and so many others for tuning into our live video! Join me for my next live video in the app.

Are you a writer (or feeling like a writer-in-the-making)? Want to be featured in this Writers On Writing* series? I interview writers of all levels, so please get in touch.

News flash: If you feel the urge to write, then you’re officially a writer*. You don’t need anyone’s permission to call yourself a writer — but if you’re still unsure, repeat after me: I AM A WRITER. And now, go submit something to www.storied-stuff.com!

Christine Wolf is a trauma-informed memoir coach, award-winning storyteller, and co-author of Politics, Partnerships & Power. A former columnist for the Chicago Tribune and Chicago Sun-Times, she teaches Expressive Writing for Emotional Healing at Northwestern University. Her work has been recognized by The Moth, the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, and the White House, where she was selected to interview President Barack Obama in the first-ever live-streamed presidential interview. She’s the founder of Writers’ Haven, a literary community in Evanston, Illinois. christinewolf.com.

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In honor of Women’s History Month, I’m offering a free copy of my book, Politics, Partnerships, & Power: The Lives of Ralph E. and Marguerite Stitt Church.

This book, co-written with Jay Pridmore, tells the story of hidden figure Marguerite Stitt Church, a remarkable woman from my hometown of Evanston, Illinois, who became one of the first 50 women in Congress.

Marguerite Stitt Church was a Republican. I am a Democrat. And yet, I was able to write about her objectively—highlighting both her triumphs and her (literal) stumbles—because I saw her not as "the opposition," but as a fellow human being navigating leadership, politics, and public service.

Women’s contributions to history are often overlooked. Please join me in celebrating this trailblazer’s legacy by reading and sharing your thoughts. I’d love to hear your honest review.

Writers' Haven by Christine Wolf is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Christine Wolf is a developmental editor, memoir coach, and founder ofWriters’ Haven — a writers’ co-working space featured in Condé Nast Traveler.

A scholar of expressive writing and personal narrative, Wolf specializes in the intersection of storytelling, identity, and healing. She’s a writing instructor at Northwestern University’s Norris Center, and she runsWrite to Heal Workshops and Retreats. A former board member of the Chicago chapter of the Society of Professional Journalists and a former freelance columnist with the Chicago Sun-Times and Chicago Tribune, Wolf is the co-author (with Jay Pridmore) of Politics, Partnerships, & Power: The Lives of Ralph E. and Marguerite Stitt Church — a biography about one of the first 50 women elected to the U.S. Congress.

Her writing has been awarded for excellence by the Chicago Tribune, the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, and The Moth.

Get in touch at www.christinewolf.com/contact

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How it started…

One night in my early 40s, I woke with a sudden, stabbing pain that tore through my face and ear. The pain was so unfamiliar that I went straight to the mirror, looking for signs of swelling… or a bruise… or even torn skin, but … nothing.

The pain felt like an ice pick repeatedly stabbing my cheek, the back of my throat, and my ear. If I touched my skin, I felt like I was being electrocuted.

Why was this happening? What had I done to cause this pain? How could I stop it? I had no answers.

I crawled back into bed, cradling my cheek in my hand, rocking back and forth as my eyes darted through the darkened room.

The waves and spasms of pain in my face were agonizing — like shards of hot glass mixed with jolts of electricity just under the surface of my skin. Though I was in the safety of my bedroom, I felt like a cornered animal. Somehow, I forced myself not to scream. I remember worrying that the neighbors might think I was being beaten.

Later that night, ibuprofen didn’t touch the pain, so I thrashed around in bed, trying to get comfortable. My face was so sensitive that my pillowcase — or even a stray hair or a gentle puff of air — felt like weapons of assault. After about two minutes, the pain stopped. Out of breath, exhausted and bewildered, I quietly cried myself to sleep.

The next morning, I felt beaten up. I’d convinced myself I had an ear infection, and after dropping my kids at school, I made an appointment with my primary care doc.

A 6-Year Journey To Diagnosis

“Weird,” my doctor said. “Your ear doesn’t look infected.” Still, he prescribed antibiotics, and that was that. Since the pain didn’t return, my suspicion seemed correct. Until…

Six months later, the stabbing pain in my face returned. This episode lasted ten brutal minutes, and it brought me to my knees. The affected areas included my ear, my cheek, the back of my throat, and my eye socket. Once again, it happened at home. Once again, I had a doctor check my ear. Once again, no signs of infection. This time, though, he recommended I see a dentist.

The dentist, after a thorough exam and X-rays, concluded that my pain was likely due to a deep infection we couldn’t see. “You probably need a root canal,” he’d said.

I finally got in to see a periodontist and had the root canal. Compared to the facial pain I’d been through, a root canal felt like a cakewalk. I left the appointment feeling hopeful.

But, when another attack hit not long after, the periodontist urged me to come back in — for a second root canal. As I left her office, I thought, Please…let this nightmare be over. And, for quite some time, it was.

And then, it happened again — this time on the other side of my face. I went straight to the Emergency Room, where they flushed out my ears with saline solution and concluded that a heavy wax buildup was the problem. I was schooled in keeping my ears cleaner, then advised to follow up with an Ear, Nose, & Throat doc (ENT).

As I drove to meet with Dr. Ilana Seligman, who’d previously performed eustachian tube surgery on one of my kids, I expected to hear that I, too, was a candidate for ear tubes. I was NOT prepared for her suspected diagnosis of tic douloureux (French for “painful tic”)…also known as trigeminal neuralgia…also known as TN…also known as the suicide disease.

Dr. Seligman prescribed pain medication (in case another episode hit) and referred me to a neurologist who could formally diagnose my suspected condition.

After a clinical exam and MRI, my new neurologist, Dr. Richard Munson, confirmed the diagnosis: trigeminal neuralgia. It took six years — and as many doctors — to finally get the diagnosis.

What Is Trigeminal Neuralgia?

According to the Mayo Clinic, trigeminal neuralgia is “a condition that causes excruciatingly painful sensations to your face, similar to an electric shock. It's not rare, and it's often misdiagnosed as dental pain or a sinus issue.” From an interview with Dr. Richard Zimmerman, a Mayo Clinic neurosurgeon:

"It's like this hot poker or this electrical shock-like, stabbing pain. They don't know when it's coming," says Dr. Zimmerman.

Usually, it results when a normal blood vessel makes contact with the trigeminal nerve at the base of the brain. Less commonly, it can be caused by tumors, either on or compressing the nerve.

"The best analogy is as if there's a short circuit occurring. The nerve fires abnormally," he says.

A National Institutes of Health report on trigeminal neuralgia by Nidhi Shankar Kikkeri and Shivaraj Nagalli highlights the condition’s etiology and mechanisms. The trigeminal nerve (a large bundle of fibers at the base of the brain responsible for sensation in the face) has three divisions, impacting three anatomical areas:

ophthalmic (eye, upper eyelid, and forehead)
maxillary (lower eyelid, cheek, nostril, upper lip, and upper gingivae)
mandibular (lower lip, lower gingivae, jaw, and the muscles of mastication)

Trigeminal neuralgia is most commonly caused by vascular compression of the nerve root. The condition is more common in women than men and is often diagnosed in people 50 and older. If it’s found in a younger person, doctors tend to suspect multiple sclerosis. Trigeminal neuralgia affects 4 to 13 per 100,000 people annually.

According to a Yale Medicine fact sheet, an estimated 10,000 to 15,000 people are diagnosed annually with trigeminal neuralgia.

While preparing to write this piece, I posted a quick note to social media on Sunday, October 7th — National Trigeminal Neuralgia Awareness Day — and I immediately heard back from several people who either have — or support a loved one with — this awful condition. The intention of the awareness day is to spread the word about TN, using hashtags including:

TrigeminalNeuralgiaAwareness

TNWarrior

FacialPainAwareness

SupportTN

FindACureForTN

TNAdvocacy

HopeForTN

What does a Trigeminal Neuralgia episode look like? (VIDEO)

After I posted to social media last week on Trigeminal Neuralgia Awareness Day, my cousin, who lives near Paris, reminded me that her mother also suffers from TN. With her mother’s consent and with the hope of raising awareness about the disorder, my cousin urged me to share the video of one of her mom’s episodes. WARNING: This two-minute video can be upsetting to watch and hear. The waves of trigeminal neuralgia pain are often described as “11” on a scale of 1 to 10:

This is my cousin’s mother, caught on video suffering an attack of trigeminal neuralgia. Following an attack, patients are often out of breath, exhausted, and fearful that another attack is imminent. Loved ones are frequently at a loss, unsure how to support someone during and after an episode.

Accepting your Trigeminal Neuralgia diagnosis takes time

Upon receiving my diagnosis, my neurologist prescribed a combination of steroids, anti-seizure medication, and opioid pain meds. For the first time since my nightmare began, I felt seen — and prepared for battle.

Looking back, though, I wish I’d also had access to a mental health professional who understood the nuances (and practicalities) of the condition. I didn’t know a soul who had trigeminal neuralgia, nor did anyone in my family. And, though I walked around in constant fear of an impending attack, it would take years before I understood how important it would be to carry my meds with me at all times.

Episode…

Soon after my diagnosis, I had another episode, but I was out of town with friends, and I hadn’t thought to pack my medicine. My episode lasted off and on for nearly two hours. It began when I yawned while walking outside in the windy, winter air. The moment I felt the cold, dry air hit the back of my throat, I felt a sharp spasm…and then, a bright light flashed in front of my eyes. I stood stock still in the middle of the sidewalk as lightning bolts shot through my face and ear. I knew exactly what was happening, but I didn’t have any way to stop it.

My friends gathered around as I stood there gripping my ear, trying not to swallow, lest I exacerbate the pain. With my ears ringing and my entire face throbbing with sparks of shooting pain, my friends’ concerned voices felt a million miles away.

A few friends admitted they couldn’t handle witnessing my episode, but one friend, Heather, stayed by my side as I called my neurologist’s office from our hotel. Sobbing, I asked to get my prescriptions transferred to a local pharmacy. As Heather and I walked there, I whimpered and moaned as I held my hand protectively over the side of my face, wanting to tear it off my body. While waiting for the scripts to be filled, I paced the pharmacy aisles, knowing (but not caring) that I looked completely unhinged.

Once I had the medicine, I started feeling relief within an hour. And, for nearly a year after that, I was episode-free.

It was only during this period that reality began to sink in: I’ll likely be dealing with this for the rest of my life. Still, this dawning acceptance didn’t translate into action.

…After Episode…

A year later, I was at a friend’s father’s funeral in Cincinnati (near the border of Kentucky) when it happened again. This time, I was so out of my mind in pain during the episode that I could barely speak, let alone recall my neurologist’s name. From my hotel room, I dialed my primary care doctor’s office and got the on-call physician who knew nothing of my situation. Even worse, he seemed convinced that I was trying to “work the system” just to get pills.

While I know his response was entirely reasonable (we are, after all, living in an ongoing opioid crisis), I was beside myself in pain and quickly lost my s**t. In a hoarse, tearful voice, I screeched at this faceless doctor, asking if he’d ever experienced the pain of trigeminal neuralgia.

“I have not,” he said flatly

“Be grateful,” I panted, utterly defeated.

Did he have to Google trigeminal neuralgia? Did he finally look through my medical history? Regardless, he finally agreed to transfer my prescriptions to the pharmacy near my hotel.

Long before this episode, I should have learned my lesson to always travel with my meds, but I still hadn’t. The episodes happened so irregularly and unpredictably…but that’s exactly why I should have carried my medicine at all times.

…After Episode…

A year later, I was struck again, this time in the early morning hours while traveling with friends in Minnesota. As they slept, I searched online for a nearby Walgreens. I found one and requested to get my meds transferred, then moaned and rocked in the backseat of an Uber as the driver eventually grew silent after reminding me to buckle up. I couldn’t focus on anything but getting the medication that would arrest my shooting waves of pain. It was during that early morning ride that I made myself a promise to keep my meds with me always.

After that, my episodes increased in frequency.

…After Episode…

When another event hit during a family gathering in Michigan, my youngest son saw me for the first time in a full-blown episode. He sat by my side, asking what he could do to stop it.

“Nothing,” I replied. I just kept apologizing repeatedly — praying that my meds would kick in quickly.

Thanks to that episode, I finally recognized how to spot an oncoming attack and get ahead of it with my medication. Before, my optimism convinced me that things might pass; now, I took my meds the second I felt a slight twitch in my throat/ear/jaw/cheek/tongue/lip. I stopped waiting until things “got very bad” before acting.

For several years, I managed my episodes this way, catching them before they blew out of control.

…After Episode…

But then, on March 10, 2023, during a day trip to Battle Creek, Michigan, I had my worst episode ever. I can still remember how it played out:

The outside air is freezing, and as I walk from the Battle Creek Amtrak terminal to a nearby coffee shop, I inhale a gust of sharp, icy air. I feel a light spasm in the back of my throat, but tell myself it’ll go away because it has to, goddammit — I’ve (once again) left my pills at home.

An hour later, in the Amtrak terminal waiting for our train back to Chicago, Eric grabs a Snicker’s bar from the vending machine. I take a small bite and immediately feel an angry, uncomfortable pulling in my throat. It feels like I’ve blinked and developed a horrible case of strep throat. We board the train, and over the next 20 minutes, the waves of pain increase in intensity, similar to contractions during labor. I hold my breath as the pain ramps up, fixing my eyes on the landscape rushing past us, then grip the armrest (or Eric’s hand) when it subsides, trying to steel my frayed nerves, bracing for the next round of shocks.

We exit the train in Kalamazoo to grab lunch at Bell’s Brewery, but I can barely touch my food — or speak. As the waiter brings our final bill, I have one hand on my right cheek and my phone held up to my left ear, explaining to my neurologist’s nurse, once again, it seems, that I am out of town and in the midst of an attack. Bless her heart, she immediately phones in a prescription to the local drug store.

Standing under the fluorescent lights of the pharmacy, I must look like a deranged woman mumbling to herself as Eric speaks to the pharmacist. In this moment, I want to do anything to make the pain away, and I scare myself when I start to wonder how quickly I’d die if I were to walk onto the nearby railroad tracks.

When the medication is finally in my system, I don’t feel relief for close to three hours. Is this normal? Are my episodes getting worse? Have I developed a tolerance for the meds? By the time I’m home and in bed, I’ve scheduled an appointment with my neurologist.

Per usual, these horrible episodes are typically followed by a period of normalcy, in which the pain, spasms, and raw, electrified nerves fade into memory like a fever dream. I’m glad it’s over, but I live in fear that it’ll come back with a vengeance. Though I’m grateful it’s done, I still feel it in my bones.

A few weeks later, I meet with my neurologist, and he switches up my meds. He says this is common, that pain is a tricky business, and that there are many therapeutic options to choose from. If we run through all the meds available, there’s always surgery.

Over the years, I’ve been prescribed anti-convulsants, muscle relaxants, and tricyclic antidepressants to treat my trigeminal neuralgia. I’ve tried combinations of Oxcarbazepine (Trileptal), Gabapentin (Neurontin), Topiramate (Topamax), Lamotrigine (Lamictal), Phenytoin (Dilantin), Dexamethasone (a steroid), Cyclobenzaprine (Flexeril), Carbamazepine (Tegretol, an anti-convulsant), Hydrocodone-Acetaminophen (for pain), Alprazolam (Xanax, to calm my panic), Sumatriptan, and others.

For a time, I tried to anticipate when things might happen, especially since the episodes — more often than not — occurred a) during colder months and b) while I was out of town. But, recent episodes closer to home in warmer months have disproven my theory. I’ve let go of any expectations about how this will go. I’m committed to taking things day by day, and making sure I’m prepared for these episodes, over which I know I have no control.

In May, 2023, while facilitating a writing workshop at a retreat in Arizona, I befriended a lovely woman named Stacey. Later that year, I’m devouring a podcast by Dani Shapiro in which she interviews my fellow Substacker, Kimberly Warner — a documentary filmmaker who spotlights people who, like her, live with and manage (often invisible) chronic health conditions. Warner lives with a rare, neurological disorder, MdDS, which led to her larger advocacy role within the chronic illness community. During her interview on Shapiro’s Family Secrets podcast, Warner mentions trigeminal neuralgia.

I’m floored, since I rarely, if ever, hear the term outside of my neurologist’s office.

It turns out Warner has written, filmed, and produced a docu-series that includes Rene Morales — a husband and father managing trigeminal neuralgia. As I watch it, I can’t help noticing how familiar Morales’ wife looks. Then, it hits me: I’d met Morales’ wife, Stacey, earlier that year in Arizona. Though we’d never spoken of her husband’s condition, the universe, it seems, was working hard to introduce me to Kimberly Warner and her production company, Unfixed Media:

I can't say enough about Kimberly Warner and her passion to advocate for those with chronic conditions. Were it not for her docu-series, I might still be quietly managing my invisible illness, feeling alone and often misunderstood. Seeing Rene Morales’ story was a massive relief for me. In his story, I recognized my own. I now understand the importance of speaking up, especially about issues people cannot see.

Those who've been with me during an episode will attest that I curl up in tears, holding my head, desperate to make the pain stop, unable to focus on anything but getting to the “other side” of the pain. It's the worst pain I've ever known (and I’ve had a baby without an epidural, thank you very much).

The feeling of helplessness during my attacks is beyond description — for me and for those around me.

For those interested, here's a link to Kimberly Warner's Unfixed documentary, described as "a tapestry of stories of twenty unforgettable people":

In it, Warner trains a spotlight on individuals with conditions like cancer, Tourette Syndrome (TS), Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), mental health challenges, and many other unseen neurological conditions, like mine.

While Warner was filming the documentary, the pandemic interrupted her efforts. One of her subjects (who, like me, manages trigeminal neuralgia), said of lockdown, "In some ways, people in this country are getting a little taste of what it's like to be in the unfixed community...what it's like to live in a world that is unpredictable...and uncertain."

I'm grateful for Kimberly Warner and her efforts with Unfixed, and for all those willing to share their chronic health journeys. Thanks to them, I feel seen, understood, and far less alone living with an invisible illness. I hope that by sharing my journey with trigeminal neuralgia, others might feel the same.

My wish for Trigeminal Neuralgia Awareness

I hope more people now understand what trigeminal neuralgia looks like, sounds like, feels like, and is confused with. I hope more doctors realize sooner that what seems like a toothache or an ear ache might be an episode of trigeminal neuralgia. I hope more researchers explore drugs and remedies that address the debilitating pain of this condition, and that more mental health professionals are made aware of this invisible disorder.

Resources

Facial Pain Association (FPA) — formerly known as Trigeminal Neuralgia Association — is a non-profit 5013c volunteer organization established in 1990 that assists those with neuropathic facial pain and benefits patients and healthcare professionals alike with education, personal support, and research.

Facial Pain Research Foundation (FPRF) was established in 2011 with one singular mission: find a CURE for trigeminal neuralgia and related neuropathic facial pain, while also developing therapies to permanently stop other nerve-generated facial pains and diseases.

International Headache Society

U.S. Pain Foundation

Writers' Haven by Christine Wolf is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Christine Wolf is a memoir coach and the author of Politics, Partnerships, & Power: The Lives of Ralph E. and Marguerite Stitt Church. She’s also the founder of Writers’ Haven LLC, a workspace dedicated to serving writers near Chicago. She facilitates and leads workshops on live storytelling, memoir, and expressive writing for emotional healing. Check out what others have to say about working with Christine, then get in touch at christinewolf.com/contact.

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Hey, everyone!

I’m delighted to announce the winner of the September Writers’ Haven Monthly Giveaway: Sheila Kamuda!

Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations!

Every subscriber of Writers’ Haven by Christine Wolf is automatically entered in my monthly literary giveaway.

Whether you’re a free or paid subscriber, you’ve got a chance of winning, so subscribe now, and good luck!

Christine Wolf is a memoir coach and co-author of Politics, Partnerships, & Power: The Lives of Ralph E. and Marguerite Stitt Church (Master Wings Publishing, December 2023). Get in touch, and check out my testimonials page here!

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In March of 2022, I discovered through 23andme that I have an older half-sister I never knew existed. I was 53 years old when I made this discovery, and the news came out of the blue for both of us. We’ve spent the past year building and tending to our brand-new sisterhood, and it’s been an eye-opening, loving, and fascinating journey.

When I first learned the news, I didn’t know where to turn, let alone how to describe my circumstances. I was desperate to understand what was happening, and started frantically Googling words that described my circumstances, like “sudden family,” “unexpected family,” “sister I didn’t know I had,” “genetic discovery,” “sudden half-sibling,” “unexpected half-sibling.” It was only when I put the letters “DNA” into a podcast search engine that a door finally opened.

When I landed on the DNA Surprises Podcast, hosted by Alexis Hourselt, I began to fully appreciate this new world we’d stepped into — and how multi-layered and complicated it actually is. I found a community that “gets it”, and I began to breathe a bit easier knowing we were hardly alone.

For this past year, I’ve been learning new terms like NPE (non-paternity event or not parent expected), MPE (misattributed parentage experience), and many more. And though my circumstances don’t fit into ANY of those categories, as the brand new sibling of someone whose circumstances do, I’ve been absorbing everything I can about the dynamics of DNA surprises: watching YouTube videos and webinars; following podcasts; reading books and articles and columns and personal essays; and speaking to others about their DNA experiences.

While my half-sister’s experience is hers to tell (or not), I’ll briefly explain how our DNA surprise has impacted me.

Oftentimes, NPEs and MPEs learn that their biological parent — typically their biological father — is someone other than who they believed or understood them to be. The discovery is stunning on multiple levels and has ripple effects that often leave NPEs and MPEs reeling with emotions and feelings that include shock, anger, confusion, betrayal, grief, and many more.

I am neither an NPE nor an MPE. My DNA surprise didn’t reveal a change or misattribution of my parentage. My DNA discovery was that my biological father had had a relationship with someone other than my mother before I was born, and that a child was conceived from that union, a child who is my (newly-discovered) half-sister.

Our biological father’s identity came as a massive surprise to my half-sister. Genetically speaking, my father is exactly who I always believed him to be. However, morally and behaviorally speaking, I’ve learned that he made choices long ago that were, for lack of a better term, completely “on brand” for a man from whom I’d been estranged for the last 20 years of his life.

Once I discovered the DNA Surprises Podcast, I devoured the episodes, hoping to hear the perspectives of others who identified with situations like mine — and I did. The podcast offers these excellent resources, and Alexis Hourselt shares an approach that’s compassionate, informative, and validating for NPEs AND their families. Here’s a compelling interview with Alexis about her own journey.

Since I’m a writing coach who offers a therapeutic approach to processing difficult memories AND I have an NPE sibling, I reached out to Alexis and offered to lead a workshop in expressive writing during her upcoming DNA Surprise Retreat. She and her cohost welcomed me to their team of facilitators, and I’m thrilled to announce I’ll lead a customized Write To Heal Workshop to support attendees as they continue processing their DNA discoveries.

Whether you’ve been touched by a DNA suprise or not, I hope you enjoy the podcast Alexis recorded of our recent conversation about expressive writing. It offers insight not only about the practice itself, but also about how it supports writers and non-writers alike to process painful memories, long-held secrets, and past experiences of overwhelm and upheaval. Take a listen and learn how to incorporate expressive writing into your own life. When you’re done, I’d love to know your thoughts about it!

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I don’t know what the weather’s like for you today, but for me, the Chicago area’s been cool, cloudy, drizzly, and generally quiet.

As someone who loves being out in the sun, things feel a bit somber today — though I appreciate the gentle raindrops on my windows and the peace that seems to fill the (practically) empty streets and sidewalks.

I’ve been sitting here in my living room (where I usually work these days), reviewing memoir manuscripts as I sip coffee and water, trying not to let my mind wander away from my clients’ important stories.

But today, here in the quiet, I can’t help but think of…

…war.
…gun violence.
…ongoing racial inequity.
…threats to women’s reproductive rights.
…mental health, climate, and economic crises.

And it’s in this quiet that I finally understand what I think we’ve been doing all wrong.

I think we don’t get quiet enough.

In many ways, a quiet day like today pulls me back to those early, terrifying months of the pandemic, when uncertainty and fear loomed fierce and large … and when it felt like all we did was limp along and come together with a shared commitment of finding ways that might stop the chaos before it destroyed us first.

I don’t need to remind you that many of our efforts were messy and untested and unfamiliar and uncomfortable and unproven. Still, we tried and we sometimes failed and we always learned — and in so many ways, we found our way through.

I can’t help but wonder why we can’t seem to come together and find solutions for at least ONE of those issues above. It doesn’t just feel like we’re spinning harder and faster and closer to the edge of annhiliation. The truth is, we are.

But we’ve all become so adept at welcoming distractions and deflecting responsibility that we’ve lost sight of the deterioration all around us, impacting every aspect of humanity.

Look, I see you and I get it.

It’s hard to let ourselves get quiet.

It’s hard to tolerate the pain of knowing that these issues aren’t quick fixes…that each one will take a marathon of effort that certainly won’t end in our lifetime.

It’s so much easier to say, “What’s the point?” or “Not my problem!” or “I don’t know where to begin…” or “Others are better suited to deal with these things,” or “I’m not the one who created this mess,” or “It’s just too late.”

It’s so much easier to shame and blame others.

It’s easier to fill our days by scrolling and streaming and shouting and skimming headlines and saying, “Our leaders ought to be doing more!”

The truth is, they’re not doing what needs to be done.

It’s Up To All Of Us

At this point, who or what can possibly save us?

I think we need to get quiet. To sit with the facts. To think deeply about how bad things truly are. To stop waiting for someone to rescue us. To ask ourselves if we want things to continue this way.

And so, let the quiet wash over you now. Then, it’s time to get to work.

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During the pandemic, I received an invitation to appear as a guest on The Check Out Podcast.

Host Jill Schacter envisioned the platform as a way to hear from different voices in the community, discussing our unique lives and describing all the ways our public library fits into them. Launched during the pandemic, Jill created a unique approach to bringing our city together.

During the interview, Jill and I sat at opposite ends of my dining room table while producer Steven Johnson of SJ Connects managed the sound equipment. It felt exciting and scary to welcome someone into my home, especially after feeling so isolated for so long. If memory serves, our episode was one of the first that Jill hosted in-person after the pandemic began.

During our discussion, you won’t hear us mention how nervous we both were about having a face-to-face interview (versus Zoom), or how we spent a few weeks prior to the recording double-checking our safety protocols and logistics. We tried to keep the focus on the interview itself, even as we sat six feet apart wondering if virus particulates were floating around us.

What a pleasure to speak with Jill, and then, later, watch how brilliantly Steve edited everything together! I can only hope to work with someone as talented as Steve on my own podcast!

Here’s the episode description, followed by a transcript of our discussion:
The Check Out
An Interview with Christine Wolf
Hosted by Jill Schacter

Christine Wolf, a longtime Evanston resident, describes herself as an author and enterprise journalist. She wasn’t always a writer. She’s previously worked in advertising and spent years teaching. About 15 years ago, she decided to write and jumped in with both feet, often exhibiting a good deal of emotional bravery in the kinds of topics she tackles. In this episode, we talk about her writing path, stories that matter to her, and how she engages the community through a career that is now focused on storytelling and making connections that can make a difference. The Evanston Public Library has played an important role in her writing life. Learn more about Christine’s work at christinewolf.com.

TRANSCRIPT

Jill Schacter 0:08

Welcome to the checkout the podcast of Evanston Public Library. I'm Jill Schachter. So what exactly will we be checking out here? This is a podcast celebrating and educating on all things Evanston, including cool people doing amazing things across the diverse spectrum of the Evanston we love. Along the way, you just might learn a little something about the role the library plays in our community.

I'm here today with Christine Wolf, a 23 year Evanston resident. Christine describes herself as an author and enterprise journalist. But Christine wasn't always a writer. She's previously worked in advertising and spent years teaching. But about 15 years ago, she decided she wanted to be a writer and jumped in with both feet, often exhibiting a good dose of bravery in the kinds of topics she takes on. Today, we're going to talk about her writing path, the kinds of stories she likes to tackle, and how she engages the community through a career that is now about storytelling and making connections that can make a difference. Christine, welcome to the checkout.

Christine Wolf 1:23

Thanks, Jill.

Jill Schacter 1:24

So you, you are a bit of a shapeshifter, I would say, first, the ad exec and the preschool teacher and now a writer, can you tell me a little bit about the turning point where you decided, I'm going to be a writer, I'm going to do this?

Christine Wolf 1:42

Oh, absolutely. Thank you for having me. And for asking about my story. I, you know, I have always loved to write. And I started writing in my journal when I was seven, eight years old. And I always go back to that, and I tried on a lot of different types of hats, I suppose. You know, working in business, and then teaching I loved I loved the second one, I wasn't so good in the business world. But after 10 years of teaching, I just was feeling like I wanted to take a short break and write a children's book and then go back to it. But once I dove in to the writing world, and figured out that that's where my people were, I never looked back. And it just it came from deep within it really almost was unconscious.

Jill Schacter 2:35

So you're a really a unique kind of storyteller, I feel like you come at storytelling from a lot of different angles. At the library, we present storytelling in many different forms. We've had a Storytelling Festival for many years, we have authors come in and do readings, both for adults and for kids. We have theater students from Northwestern presenting stories as theater. You sort of arrived on the scene as a writer at a time when the internet was really there were a lot of new opportunities for writers. How do you see sort of your your position as a writer? What kinds of storytelling sort of gives you the most energy? Or do you find the most exciting or? You know, you're it's a bit of a new world for writers, there are a lot of different ways to get oneself out there. You don't have to depend on traditional publishers as much. And talk about that a bit.

Christine Wolf 3:32

Absolutely. You hit it. Absolutely. I stepped in to the world of writing at a time that how could I have ever known. Everything was morphing and changing and the flexibility was the flexibility of the industry was just unreal.

Jill Schacter 3:54

I mean, it's really democratizing.

Christine Wolf 3:57

Right. And the big publishing houses were closing or merging. Editors were becoming agents. And people were self publishing like crazy. And I just I remember thinking, "What have I stepped into?" I just really wanted to write a children's book and then go back to teaching preschool. But when I realized the world of publishing was so ... there was so much opportunity. I didn't even know where to put myself, so I tried to put myself everywhere. I mean, I really was grabbing stories where I could to fill my blog. I just wanted content out there because I wanted to show that I was a writer.

Jill Schacter 4:40

And like, back when you stepped in is when writing really started being called content you right?

Christine Wolf 4:45

It wasn't even called content when I started. I just remember thinking, Okay, so my goal is to be a published author, so I can prove to everybody that I've taken off my year and and spent my time wisely and not selfishly and I realized in the beginning of my year off to write that there was no way I was going to get a book published, I had so much to learn. So I, you know, created a blog, I don't even know how I knew how to create a blog, I think people were creating blogs and I thought, well, I'll do one. And as soon as I started putting what is now called content onto the blog, I'd get feedback. And that was just so rewarding. And maybe the feedback was just from my mom -- but you know, then she would share it with somebody. And then at the same time, Facebook was sort of popping up. And so I got brave enough to share here and there. And that sort of took off. And that led to patch.com, which was a brand new hyperlocal news source. And that kind of turned me into a columnist without knowing what I was doing. And then that turned into a column [through the Pioneer Press] with the Sun Times, and then the Tribune...and Chicago now. There are no limits, I guess the point, right, and and that's a, that's a beautiful thing, especially when you just don't even know what it is that you want to put out there. You just know that you want to put things out there and make connections.

Jill Schacter 6:11

You describe yourself as a storyteller and a connector. So tell me about those. How those two roles intersect, like, what what connections are you hoping to make,

Christine Wolf 6:28

I am trying to make connections that are authentic. So the easiest way for me to relate to people is just to hear what their stories are. And what I find most meaningful when I meet somebody new is asking them about themselves. I think one of the easiest way to ways to get to know people, is just give, give some space to hear what it is about them.

Jill Schacter 7:00

So in the writers life, I imagine there's a lot of room for serendipity. And one thing I know is that when you first started out as a writer, you were working on a children's novel. But then that experience amazingly dovetailed into interviewing President Obama on a Google Hangout. Can you talk a little bit about how that all came about? Because that's pretty big deal.

Christine Wolf 7:30

It was just crazy. And it was serendipitous. And I really think it was just a matter of not trying to do anything except just be who I was, and to listen to the stories that were within. So the whole thing came about. And maybe I'll just back up a little bit. But I started writing a children's novel, because I thought incorrectly, that that would be easier than writing for adults. And the reality is writing for kids is chock full of kind of guidelines, and, you know, parameters, and you really need to speak to children at the age that they're at. And so I just stifled your free and it was a really huge learning curve. And as I was doing that whole process of learning how to write for children, I was digging deep into learning about my protagonist. And at that time, it was in 2012, the State of the Union had just happened. And Google put out a call for people to submit questions to President Obama and I submitted my question, based on how I thought my protagonist would have asked it. Oh, that's interesting. So I sort of channeled her and the question was, you know, during the recession, President Obama, what would you say to the children of our nation whose parents are losing their jobs? And, you know, what sort of hope would you give the kids? And that question was picked out of just a bunch that were submitted. And I was just as shocked as could be. And you know,

Jill Schacter 9:17

how many questions were submitted? A lot.

Christine Wolf 9:19

I mean, I think maybe 100, 130,000. Somebody said at one point...My

Jill Schacter 9:25

gosh, they chose your question.

Christine Wolf 9:26

They did.

Jill Schacter 9:27

And this was going to be on a Google Hangout, which we're probably kind of new in.

Christine Wolf 9:31

It was the first one [from the White House]. It was the first Google Hangout [from the White House] that ever Yeah. And and I didn't even I knew what Google Hangouts were, but I really, I hadn't been on many. And so, you know, folks from Google came and they set up a live connection from this table here, right where we are right now in my dining room.

Jill Schacter 9:53

And you mean President Obama was virtually right where I am right now?

Christine Wolf 9:58

Yes, he was. I was little looking at him on a monitor, and I, you know, we had a direct feed right into the White House, which was so awesome. Yeah, yeah, that was. And you know, it was nerve wracking, but it was also just so thrilling. And especially, my favorite part about it was that they had asked for my children to be there, so I could introduce them to him. So that was the highlight for me. And it was one of the right here on the wall, there's a letter from him, because I thanked him for the opportunity to meet him. And he wrote back.

Jill Schacter 10:32

Well, that is so cool. I have noticed, because I follow your writing you. You do a lot of work on social media, a lot of your stories. I see there, I see a lot of following for your stories on social media on social media. And I know you write for medium. And you've been a blogger and a columnist. So I've been reading your work for a long time. And I have noticed and I'm sure others have to that your writing is is rather brave. You like to explore some of the more difficult aspects of life some of the things you've written about. Our mental health struggles, including your own a home invasion, racism, death, a train crash, a close call with sexual assault. Where do you get this kind of emotional bravery?

Christine Wolf 11:31

What one, you know, when you hear the list of all the things it's yeah, it's... I get it. It's striking and the... where I get the ... what was it that you asked, emotional bravery? Yeah. You know, it's... I have never once considered it brave to write the truth. And I think that's the thing is there's this prevalence of, I heard this term recently. Toxic positivity, right? We're always trying to just put our best faces forward and gloss over the hard stuff, because life can be really hard. Yeah, very American, I think very much. So. Yeah. And and I grew up in an environment where there was a lot of, you know, you'll be fine. You've got this sort of stuff. I appreciated that. And I also had experiences that were traumatic. And I never really knew how to talk about those things. And so my writing has really been my outlet to talk about the tough stuff. And as soon as I can open up and share challenges, I feel a release. But it astounds me sometimes, though, some of the experiences that I've had, and I've asked myself, Why some of these things have happened. There's been a lot there's, there's definitely been a lot, there's no question about that. It's, it's, the only way I get through it is to write about it. But it gives me peace, I think just to describe the reality of some of the stuff I've gone through, and particularly the mental health challenges. I mean, I have anxiety, and I've struggled with depression when I didn't address anxiety. And those two things. I've been amazed at the response when I write about them, because there are so many of us who struggle with them in different ways, and either don't know how to talk about them or ask for help. Or

Jill Schacter 13:45

I heard it said that depression and anxiety are like the common cold of mental ill of mental illness.

Christine Wolf 13:53

Yeah,they really are. And I think what I really learned was that I made for a really long time, I didn't know what depression was, I thought something was wrong with me when I felt that cloak of heaviness on me, I didn't have language to describe what it was. And I didn't really know of anybody else who talked about it openly. So the longer I went in life without knowing how to manage depression, the longer I felt all different sorts of things. I felt broken, inadequate, on words, unworthy, you name it, and then somebody was so kind and said to me, it was a therapist one time and I thought, Oh, well, I'm going to therapy and I'm still depressed, what's wrong with me? She said to me, you know, sometimes you just really need to invest in yourself and and learn some of the skills that you may not have been taught or have at the ready. So I made and I was fully fortunate to have access to health care. But I made a choice to go to a program that helps people with severe anxiety. And I'd had, like we talked about, I'd had some traumatic experiences in my life with a train crash. And with a sexual assault. I was a child of divorce, I had an alcoholic parents, so you kind of throw all that stuff into the mix,

Jill Schacter 15:23

I think that definitely increases one's the prevalence of anxiety and features years.

Christine Wolf 15:28

Absolutely. And without really realizing that that stew was brewing. I just figured something was wrong with me. And as soon as I went to a place, and when I say went to a place, I just want to tell anybody who's ever, you know, considered treatment or wondered about treatment, I always assumed that treatment was for people with addiction, or who had you been arrested and had to go to treatment, what I didn't realize was, it's almost in some cases, like for me, like going to school, I sat down in an office building with other people who were just like me, working in, you know, nine to five jobs had families. And we just talked, but we talked in a setting that was more in depth, and really had it gave, gave ourselves the time to process stuff. So what I learned was, I am emotionally in touch with a lot of things, but I was lacking in some skills and understanding about what anxiety does to you if you don't address it. And for me, it was very simple. without addressing my anxiety, it would turn into depression. So as soon as I recognized how to acknowledge and validate the anxiety that I was feeling, and give language to it, and give it space to breathe, it took away its power. And I mean, I used to be on antidepressants. I used to be on medication, and none of them were working. And I realized I wasn't really addressing what I was challenged with. I was just muting myself. And so it's been an enlightening, and I wish I would have known it before my 40s. But I'm so glad that I figured out with the help of, you know, professionals how to how to how to talk about this stuff. And so I am I, I'm so happy that I've been able to talk about something that touches other people, I just had no idea how many people were masking and shielding their own anxiety. So if it helps them, I'm really happy.

Jill Schacter 17:42

Well, I'm sure it's a real gift that you give to people who can read about somebody else's experiences. Tell me what kind of like if you have written about depression or anxiety, what kind of feedback have you received that lets you know that doing this kind of writing has an impact on people.

Christine Wolf 18:02

Two things almost always happen when I write about anxiety, depression, mental health, I'll either get private messages like crazy, just, you know, people saying thank you for talking about this, I've been struggling and I just appreciate seeing it, you know, in on the page or on the screen, or I get messages from from people asking where to go what to do. Asking for help. It's almost like opening a door for them. So that feedback of those sorts is just so gratifying because it makes me realize, you know, those words that I was able to put out, gave somebody recognition and validated their their struggle. And I've been there.

Jill Schacter 19:01

How do you? How do you decide what kind of story you're going to write? How does it come to you? Perhaps what your next story is going to be like, maybe even today? Like what are you thinking about something? How does it come to you? How do you decide what it is what subjects you're going to tackle?

Christine Wolf 19:19

Ah, there isn't one way into a story necessarily, but I think the stories that tend to get shared the most and that I think resonate most with people are the ones that I am so moved to write that I can't not write it. Yeah. And it's the stuff that might keep me up at night or, you know, bring me to tears or just infuriate me. I mean, I for instance, I remember when Dajae Coleman, who was a young man at Evanston Township High School, when he was I got right near Church and Dodge. And my son was a classmate of his. There wasn't even a question about wanting to write about what that made me feel like. And I didn't really know if I had the right to write about somebody else's child's murder. And I am a white woman, and this, you know, child, 14 year old boy was black. And I thought, Who Who am I to even try to wrap my head around? Pretending like this should impact me in a way that that matters, you know, am I making this about me? But the truth was, I was just so moved by my fury and my confusion and my fear and my desire to do something. And I didn't know what to do. And I didn't know how to make it better. But I just knew that I had to do something. And so I, I felt like I had to write about it.

Jill Schacter 21:10

Can you describe some, maybe one or two other stories that really were really, you were really powerfully moved to write about? And why?

Christine Wolf 21:24

Yeah, I think that story. You know, the one, the one that was early on, when I was just starting and blogging, there had been a suicide right near my house, young man named Colin Dalebreaux, he had struggled with mental illness and committed suicide with a pipe bomb, right near Nichols, middle school. I remember that. And I, you know, I was just this, just this, you know, new blogger who was writing about learning her way through becoming a children's writer. And when that happened, I, again, just, I couldn't stop thinking about what somebody must get to. The whole thing was just the only way I could process the experience of knowing what happened in my neighborhood and how it was impacting all of us was to was to write about it. There, I think I think the most healing thing that I've ever written about besides anxiety and depression, was this train accident that I had been in and tell me about that. Yeah, I I never really appreciated the fact that it had been such a traumatic experience that I that I buried for the longest time, and I, I never talked about it at all. And finally, I somehow sat down and wrote about it, I researched it a bit, and learned the specifics and the details about what happened. It happened in 93. It was an Amtrak crash that I was on a train that hit a propane gas truck. And it was really when it happened, it was just sort of it happened and we moved on. But years later, I decided I tackle it. And that was just so it was freeing in a way to sort of release that tension and anxiety and trauma and feel like I was in control of a really out of control situation and not feel so victimized. The best part about it was, though, hearing from some of the people who had been on that train, and

Jill Schacter 23:58

while there's the there's the connection aspect of the story, yeah, for sure. So you heard from some of them, and

Christine Wolf 24:06

I did I heard from some survivors. I certainly heard from some people who had had relatives who were impacted by it, and it was unexpected, unexpected connections.

Jill Schacter 24:22

You have also appeared on stage, I believe, more than once in a storytelling show called mortify.

Christine Wolf 24:31

Yes.

Jill Schacter 24:32

Where people read from their old journals.

Christine Wolf 24:35

Yes.

Jill Schacter 24:36

What's that like and what what drives you to do such such a thing? And maybe tell me a little bit about your experience on mortified? What kinds of stuff you shared there?

Christine Wolf 24:46

Absolutely. When I heard about mortified, I I didn't know how the whole structure of the performance went. I just thought people show up at a venue and you bring your journal and maybe they call you up on stage and you get to read from it. So the first time I went to it, I brought my childhood journals from middle school waiting to get caught hoping to get called. That's not how it works. You're curated with a producer, and you find a passage that really has a theme and a thread and the narrative. So I sat down eventually with producer, and we went through this whole diary of mine. And

Jill Schacter 25:29

you did that together?

Christine Wolf 25:30

We did it together.

Jill Schacter 25:31

You the producer, and your journal.

Christine Wolf 25:32

Correct.

Jill Schacter 25:33

Wow.

Christine Wolf 25:33

And, and I said, you know, here's what I think would be really funny to talk about. And I there were, I don't know, some goofy cheerleading thing from my high school. And she didn't laugh. And I, I realized, Okay, well, maybe we'll find something else. And as I was flipping through the pages, I said, Well, we're definitely not going to talk about this experience. And it had been an awful experience with a high school boyfriend.

Jill Schacter 25:55

I hear a bingo coming.

Christine Wolf 25:58

And she said, This is what we're going to talk about. And I said, Absolutely not. No, it was just two more to find. It was mortifying, I would never share this. And as I sat, and I talked to her about it, I cried. And, and I thought, why does she even want to hear about this, this show? mortified is supposed to be, you know, funny, you want to get the audience laughing at stuff. And what she said to me, was so profound. And she said, "Here's the thing. You have the ability, especially as a writer [but all of us do] to sort of reframe things that happen to us. So," she said, "what happened to you in high school might have been horrific and devastating and mortifying, but you're going to get up on that stage. And you're going to put it into language that, you know, gives you the power to say, maybe how you wish it would have ended or what you wish you would have said." And in that turn of events, I looked at this experience, and I rewrote, I didn't change any details, but I kept out the stuff that just almost killed me. And instead, I threw some humor in about, you know, what a sucky situation it was. And I had fun with it. So it turned a really sour, awful, awful time in my life into something that I just felt on top of the world about, because I think a lot of people could relate to something that I had gone through too.

Jill Schacter 27:34

And yeah, and I guess you went back for more. So it must have been must have been positive overall. So you run around Evanston quite a bit, I think, looking for your stories. What have you. What do you learned about Evanston as you operate here? As a writer? I'm like, what, what do we learned about our community?

Christine Wolf 27:55

Ah, that's the biggest thing I've learned. And I've been here a really long time now is, it is a community of opportunity. If you are willing to stay open to it. It's it is constantly changing. It is. There's, there's so much opportunity for growth, and introspection. And, and that's what I really appreciate about it, because people come here for all different sorts of reasons. And I think when I initially came here, it was to be close to the city, to be close to the lake, to have good schools to have what we all you know, in quotes, think about, like, oh, it's an absolutely diverse kind of community. I had no idea what that meant. I just thought, I want to be somewhere where there's lots of dynamic opportunities. What I have found is there's just so much truth here and truth telling. And that's been it's been challenging. It's been it's been really empowering. It's been painful. And it's been something that I've I realized, I'm, I don't ever want to leave here, because it just it's a place that keeps me thinking constantly.

Jill Schacter 29:30

Yeah, well, so many of us feel that way. Right? Like there's no place we'd rather live. Can you tell me as I have to ask you as a writer what role the library plays for you in your work life for or otherwise, you have been published in these untraditional ways. And soon you will be published in a traditional way. Yeah. And how do you feel about that?

Christine Wolf 29:54

I am still in disbelief because the idea of having an actual book that I can go into the Amazon Public Library and point to that has, you know, a number and the Dewey Decimal System.

Jill Schacter 30:08

It still has meaning doesn't mean,

Christine Wolf 30:10

It absolutely does. And I am so proud of all the other stuff that I've done and the online content and everything, but it's just I have such reverence for anybody who has published a book, because I'm not there yet. I'm right there. And I know the years that I have had to put into this, and the terror and the, the learning curve, and the questions and the it's putting a book together is just, it is in itself a marathon.

Jill Schacter 30:48

It's a political memoir that you're working on. And you can't tell us much more about it. Right. We have to wait.

Christine Wolf 30:53

It's political biography, political biography.

Yeah. Yeah.

Jill Schacter 30:56

Any other details we can know or is that about it? For now?

Christine Wolf 30:59

Right now, all I'm allowed to say is it is a political biography. And yeah, that it's coming out in 2021. I wish I could tell you more, I can't wait to share it with everybody. I wrote it with my co-author, Jay Pridmore. It's coming out the book is coming out next year. And we spent a significant amount of time at the library, not only meeting and talking about the subject, but also doing a ton of research. And I had not appreciated how many resources we'd be able to tap into, that really, really helped us in ways that, you know, I mean, Ancestry.com, lots of the resources that are on the library's website that you can access for free, I had no sense whatsoever that we could do that. The library has really been the heart of where I'd done all of my research and spent my time and gave me a sense of kind of a place to go.

Jill Schacter 32:04

Tell us a bit about Writers' Haven. I know this is a big project of love and passion for you. I know, it was also delayed by the pandemic. But I think it's something that the community writers in the community will be really excited to know about. So tell me a little bit about Writers' Haven.

Christine Wolf 32:24

Thank you. Yeah, it's, you know, writers are a unique bunch, because we are often so independent, and we need to work in a solo setting. But we crave connection, but it's a special kind of connection where you want to be near each other, but not in each other's way. And so what I've found in my years of writing is, it's nice to have a space to be with other writers in our, in our very unique patterns. So the house that I have has the space for writers to gather, and I created before the pandemic, these little nooks and spaces for writers to just hang out and and be in their own zones, but to kind of, you know, get together for a cup of coffee or to sit in a living room setting and just chat. Right, right before the pandemic hit. I had started opening my door and clients were coming in, and I was getting great feedback. And then we just stopped, we we had to stop and it will come back and we'll try to do stuff over the winter sitting outside by the fireplace and just adapt. But for now, we can't do it inside. It's just too. Too risky for me,

Jill Schacter 33:47

How will it work? If somebody wants to be a part of Writers' Haven? What is what's the model for how somebody can be a part of Writers' Haven assure,

Christine Wolf 33:57

I mean, there's there's different ways people can come just for a drop in on a day, you know, come for a few hours and work in one of the rooms. They can reserve a spot at the communal table, which is in my dining room and you can work quietly with other writers. There's a there's a membership or you can just do an hourly thing. It's really quite flexible, depending on what a writer's needs are and what their budget is.

Jill Schacter 34:28

Um, well how would somebody find out more about Writers' Haven if they wanted to?

Christine Wolf 34:31

They can just pop onto my website. It's Christine Wolf dot com.

Jill Schacter 34:38

Good. So you have recently just finished a marathon walk around Evanston, you looped, Evanston twice. The marathon was Chicago marathon was canceled this year, but you decided you were going to do your own DIY marathon and I know that you raised funds For the YWCA, the YWCA. Yeah, tell tell me a little bit about why you did that. Why? Why did you raise money for the why, in particular?

Christine Wolf 35:14

Well, right before the pandemic hit, I had had surgery, and I knew that I needed to get moving and kind of rebuild my strength. Last year, I'd done the Chicago Marathon I walk, I don't run, I'm not built that way. Have you seen I'm five feet tall, I don't have the legs for, for running. But when the Chicago Marathon was canceled this year, I was crushed at first. And then they offered a virtual option and sort of a DIY. And I thought, if I'm going to do this, I'm, I'm going to stay close to home. And it was a pretty natural thing to think. Why not just walk in a loop or to around my, my city, the city that I love, and I, part of the route that I created was to make a loop around Evanston hospital where surgeons had helped me back in February right before the pandemic, and so it was just sort of a natural thing to do it here. What I found doing it, though, was just, I really think that every every kid in Evanston should have almost like a required PE. I don't know what it would be. It should be required walking around making a loop around Evanston because there is, there is no greater example of just there's so much there's so much to see in our town, and it's only what is it eight, nine miles around once?

Jill Schacter 37:00

Why did you choose the Y to raise money for?

Christine Wolf 37:04

I chose the Y... they're a beneficiary of my business as well. I just, I think their two missions of working to eliminate racism and empower women are exactly what I aspire to do. I've been raising money for them through Writers' Haven, Evanston as well, part of all of my profits go to them. So it was just a natural, absolutely natural thing that I wanted to raise money for, for such a worthy cause. Especially right now.

Jill Schacter 37:39

I think there's just something about the way you just looped Evanston twice, and the way you were roaming around our city, and then immediately thereafter, you did publish a story about how you felt you hadn't done enough that the discomfort that you felt from doing your 26 Miles was really nothing compared to the pain of racism and how you would like to, you know, how it just made you think about that. And I just think it really epitomizes you roaming around our city, trying to make connections about things that matter to you and connecting to, to people and to causes that can make a difference.

Christine Wolf 38:20

Thank you.

Jill Schacter 38:20

Yes, yeah. Yeah. So there was really something about that. That's so you.

Christine Wolf 38:24

I just love how you said that. Because it's not really I hadn't thought about it that way. But yeah, and I do roam around a lot. I'm I'm nosy.

Jill Schacter 38:35

We'll keep being nosy because we keep what we want to hear more of your stories. And if people want to read your stories, and they don't know where to find you, where, where where can they see your work?

Christine Wolf 38:47

Oh, sure. Well, the easiest way is on my website. I try to link all my work there. And that's Christine Wolf dot com, or they can go to Medium, and I have a page there. But...thank you.

Jill Schacter 39:00

You're welcome. Thanks so much for being on The Checkout Christine.

Christine Wolf 39:02

Thank you, Jill.

Unknown Speaker 39:04

I hope you enjoyed that episode. I want to remind you that we are your public library. We are always here for you in person or@epl.org

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Tags:
Writers, stories, how-to, connections, anxiety, depression, pandemic, storytelling, coaching, marathon, memoir, Jill Schacter, Steven Johnson, SJ Connects, Christine Wolf

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Hi there, and WELCOME to The Writers’ Haven Podcast. I’m Christine Wolf.
It’s January 31st, 2022, and this is my very first podcast episode on Substack. Whether you’re a writer, a subscriber, or just curious about what this is, I’m really glad you’re here.
And, as you can hear, so far, this podcast is little more than skin and bones. In time, that’ll change, and as I’ve learned through writing — be it blogging, personal essays, magazine articles, newspaper columns, or books — we all start with absolutely nothing except the thoughts in our heads and the initial words to describe them.
Therefore, I’m launching this podcast with nothing more than my thoughts and my words. For now, there’s no music. There’s no proprietary intro or outtro. There’s no script. There’s no podcast guest (although I can’t wait for you to hear who we have lined up, including new and established authors and publishing industry professionals). And, though you’re not hearing anything but my voice in this first episode, what I AM offering to you, by way of example, I hope, are the following three things:
• 1. The COURAGE to start something absolutely from scratch.
• 2. The INSPIRATION to step out of your comfort zone.
• 3. My HOPE that you, too, will consider sharing yourself as a creative human being, even if things aren’t perfect, even if your ducks aren’t all in a row, and even if you feel like you don’t know what the hell you’re doing.

Think about this. NONE of us has a script for living life. NONE of our lives are perfect. NONE of us has all of our ducks in a row. And, especially as writers, if we allow ourselves some grace as we consider stepping into unfamiliar spaces, it’s absolutely remarkable what can happen. What happens is, we BEGIN.

And sure… We may falter. We will likely revise. We may even delete things entirely. But we may also surprise ourselves. We may build endurance. We may discover sides to ourselves we didn’t know existed. We may even unearth hidden gems that would have remained in the dark had we not tried.

And so, for this first episode of Writers’ Haven the Podcast, I invite you to consider taking one step today out of your comfort zone, and creating something completely from scratch. Is there a piece you’ve considered writing? Is there a project you’ve put away and want to dust off? Is there a publication you’ve dreamed of writing for, but don’t know where to begin? Do you have endless thoughts and insecurity swirling in your head about what you “might” write, but you don’t have a gameplan or the confidence to move forward? If so, I and many others, completely understand.
Let me point to this podcast as a perfect example of how to do what you think you can’t.

I’ve wanted to podcast for a long time now, and I even tried my hand at one a few years ago, and recorded 5 episodes, all of which were poorly produced (by ME). They were really pretty awful. If you want a good laugh, Google The Christine Wolf Podcast and I’m sure you can find some of the episodes. My intentions were all there, but my skill level and experience with podcasting just absolutely sucked. It still does…but I’m trying.

And I’m here again, starting fresh, with a stronger focus on who my ideal audience is and what I’d like to talk about.

What I want to do with this podcast is build a community of writers of all levels of experience to gather, listen, share, commiserate, and ultimately lift each other up.

I want to understand how the best writers approach their work, and how they struggle.

I want to hear the questions new writers have, and reassure them that this journey is completely worth it.

I want to create a safe and welcoming space for writers everwhere, examining our real lives and sharing them through essays, interviews, tips, and always with raw vulnerability.
And so, the best way I can think to kick off this first episode, is to read an essay I first wrote in October of 2016. I was inspired to write it during the #metoo movement, and it garnered some unexpected awards and a great deal of press. And, I wrote it, much like I wrote the words you’re hearing now, in about 30 minutes — completely from the heart and with very little self-editing or overthinking (and frankly if you’re a writer of any level of experience, you KNOW there’s nothing like getting into a flow of that kind).

So, here’s the essay that I wrote.

The Groping And The Boy Across The Hall

(Originally published on ChicagoNow, October 12, 2016)

The year was 1986. I was 18 years old, a senior in high school, on spring break with 10 of my friends.

It happened sometime between 5 and 9 pm.

Our Fort Lauderdale hotel was cheap, filled with other spring breakers just like us, room after room of young, hormonal bodies. We’d pooled our hard-earned money for a travel agent to book this place, situated between the ocean and the strip. The place was disgusting and we were in heaven.

To our group’s additional delight, there was a slightly older, very cute male cohort staying in 3 rooms directly across the hall. Whenever they were around, which wasn’t much, they were flattering and flirty.

On the evening it happened, the girls and I were killing time, moving in and out of our three rooms between makeup applications, TV shows and easy conversations. We spoke of the last couple of months remaining before high school graduation. About the colleges we’d gotten into. About our boyfriends back home. About the way things were absolutely, already changing.

At some point, the boys across the hall came back from wherever they’d been. They were raucous, engaged, and interested in everything we were up to.

Soon, timidity eased and interactions gave way, just as it is in the wild, I suppose — except this was in a carpeted hallway, windowless and dank.

Laughter was truly the gateway to it all. It’s what really led to what happened. I can see that clearly now. If you get us girls laughing…especially nervously… you’ve really got us.

Crude jokes, self-deprecation, teasing one another…those boys did it all well, and we girls signaled our interest in the only acceptable ways we knew — by laughing and giggling.

As the guys’ teasing and ribbing escalated, so did our attention. Soon, we were a blissful group of 20, spilling in and out of that narrow hallway.

I’ve never remembered what prompted several of the guys to break rank and head into one of the rooms, or why I joined them, or if any of my friends followed me. I just remember laughing hard and watching them tumble and act like idiots, not wanting to miss what they’d say or do next. And with all the doors propped open, it never felt like I’d left my group.

It was intoxicating.

Stepping over the threshold into their room, I could still see the crowd gathered in the hall.

No great shakes. I never thought twice about turning my back to the door.

But then, I wasn’t laughing.

I was on my back.

Looking up at a ceiling.

Looking up at four boys looking down at me, though not into my eyes.

“You,” one said, pointing to another.

“No, you,” said the other.

Where are my friends? What’s happening?

“Quiet,” one said.

“Stop,” I pleaded, yanking my hands.

Those grips.

But we were just laughing, I thought, still yanking from the wrists now. Why aren’t we still laughing?

“Just go!” one said, lifting my shirt.

“You chickenshit,” another laughed, like I wasn’t there.

“Please!” I said, squirming.

“Shut the door!” one yelled.

“It already is,” another chuckled.

“PLEASE!” I yelled.

And then, I looked into his eyes.

The one.

And he looked back.

“Please, don’t,” I said. I’m certain I was crying.

“Just GO!” one guy grunted, groping me as he pulled my ankles apart.

“Just don’t,” I said slowly, holding my breath, not breaking my stare.

“Come ON!” another voice urged.

“I want to go back to my friends,” I said directly to him.

“Man!” one guy yelled in frustration, “You seriously just gotta — “

“Just STOP!” the one said, standing up.

He elbowed the guy kneeling near my face, and pulled me up by my shoulders.

Then he put his hand on my back and opened the door to the hallway.

He pushed me out of the room and closed the door behind me.

The hallway was empty.

I’ve never spoken of this incident to anyone.

Not to my friends on that trip.

Not to my boyfriend.

Not to my parents.

No one.

I was ashamed.

I was embarrassed.

I thought I’d gotten myself into that situation because I’d separated myself from my pack.

I thought I’d invited their advances because of something I’d said or done or signaled or…if only I could just remember what I’d been saying before it all happened. But I couldn’t remember.

And I’ve never remembered what he looked like.

But I’ve never forgotten what it feels like to be heard.

To use my voice. To say exactly what I need.

To stare someone down. To not take no for an answer.

I found my voice that day, though I hadn’t realized it then.

And here’s to that boy across the hall, and to all who teach boys to act as he did.

Okay. So now that I’ve shared MY personal essay, I hope you’ll consider sharing one of YOURS with our listeners. Since this podcast is so new and still evolving, we’re eager to hear what you have to say. Chances are, it’ll resonate with someone, be it another writer or a listener. And so, your essay can be about absolutely anything, up to 1000 words MAX. Send it to my contact page at christinewolf.com. I hope to share some of the submissions I receive on a future podcast.

THANK YOU for tucking into this first, barebones, imperfect episode of The Writers’ Haven Podcast. I’m glad I took the leap and dove right in, and I’m even more grateful you’re here. For now, go out there and write authentically and imperfectly, and know that you’re in good company.

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