How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World: Recent Episodes
Trevor & Annie Boulton
Short Discussions About Individual Topics From The Book 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World' www.brainhealtheducation.com.au
These short talks based on 'MASLOW' reveal the causes of mental health problems and how to avoid them - in a non-clinical, no jargon manner. It's a bit like teaching people to swim instead of having to rescue them when they are drowning.
This series was produced for use as 'Radio Spots' and is 'PUBLIC DOMAIN" https://brainhealtheducation.com.au/How_To_Stay_Sane/ We encourage broadcast stations and educators to freely use this material.
How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World - Video Podcast
An entertaining short video combining graphics from the 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World' book with conversations from the 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World' podcasts. A Healthy Brain, A Clear Conscience And A Reason To Live
BUILDING RESILIENCE
www.resiliencetoolkit.com.au
Section 1 - A Healthy Brain
BUILDING RESILIENCE | THE BODY
This section covers the foundational level of the Maslow pyramid.
FOOD - WATER - SLEEP
The basic requirements for human mental and emotional wellbeing. Ideal for HR on-boarding, staff training, parent events, newsletters and social media posts.
Video 2 - A Clear Concience
BUILDING RESILIENCE | THE MIND
SAFETY & BELONGING
The importance of belonging and connection, and how disconnection and early childhood trauma can result in shame, addictions and dysfunctional behaviours.
Video 3 - A Reason To Live
BUILDING RESILIENCE | THE SPIRIT
SELF ESTEEM & ACTUALIZATION
How being our true self, finding our unique purpose and role provides fulfillment.
These short talks based on 'MASLOW' reveal the causes of mental health problems and how to avoid them - in a non-clinical, no jargon manner. It's a bit like teaching people to swim instead of having to rescue them when they are drowning.
This series was produced for use as 'Radio Spots' and is 'PUBLIC DOMAIN" brainhealtheducation.com.au/How_To_Stay_Sane/
We encourage broadcast stations and educators to freely use this material.
Understanding Mental Health - Page 6 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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Holistic Mental Health explains the relationships between the needs of our physical body, how disconnection and trauma influences our thinking, and the role of purpose in mental and emotional well-being. This course develops personal insights into current personal and community mental health issues, understanding their possible causes and exploring strategies for dealing with our own health and that of our families, friends, colleagues and workmates.
Human mental health is best understood 'holistically' as having three components: Body, Mind & Spirit - A Healthy Brain, a Clear Conscience and a 'Reason To Live'
"If I had been taught these things when I was young, I would not have had my 'mental meltdown' which resulted in my involuntary admission to a psychiatric institution" - Trevor Boulton
Maslow's Order of Human Needs - Page 8 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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Maslow's Order of Basic Human Needs is a motivational theory in psychology dating back more than 70 years, comprising a five tier model of human needs, often depicted as hierarchical levels within a pyramid.
The foundational level, Physiological Needs includes survival needs and deals with our need for food, water and sleep to survive and reproduce. If unmet, the human body struggles to function and all other needs become secondary until these needs are reasonably met.
Boundaries - Page 9 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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Boundaries are essential to establishing good routines and sleep patterns. It is advisable to take some time to create boundaries around the type of food we will generally eat. How often will we allow 'sometimes' foods or 'treats'? What are our preferred meal times? Which drinks will we consume? When and how often will we use 'sometimes' drinks? What are our own sleep times? Our children's sleep times and routines? Involve the whole family in these discussions so everyone is on the same page.
Boundaries are an essential part of helping us and a child feel safe and cared for. Boundaries establish guidelines which assist a child to learn how to care for and to protect themselves. When working to set boundaries, start young and begin with something small and simple. Establishing boundaries early in life and continuing to set them as children grow means that during the teenage years, we can still have input and a great relationship with our children.
The Human Body - Page 10 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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A Ferrari and a Human Body are both Amazing Machines
A vehicle is an amazing piece of engineering, both body and engine. Finely tuned, it can perform well. However, the human body is of THE most amazing design, balance and it is surprisingly resilient and flexible. Each cell comprises mainly water and functions harmoniously with all the others.
The human bodily organs function in perfect harmony, seemingly automatically. We continuously breathe to oxygenate our entire body. Our heart beats rhythmically pumping our life's blood around our body. We eat, drink and make waste. We perspire to cool our body and have goosebumps when we feel cold. Our muscles and skeleton hold our body together and upright. Our chemistry and immune system keep us well and functioning.
"I am totally amazed at the complexity and design of our human body. But the most amazing thing is that all of the genetic information and blueprints for all of our body construction, body chemistry and brain design function is encoded in the first (single) cell of what divides and divides to becomes a human embryo"
The Human Brain - Page 11 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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THE HUMAN BRAIN - More Powerful than 200 Million Desktop Computers
The average human brain weighs about 1.5kg (3lb) and looks like a big, grey, wrinkly sponge about the size of your two fists put together. It is comprised of 78% water. If the water was removed, 60% of dried brain weight is fat.
While we are awake, our brain generates up to 25 watts of power: enough to illuminate a light bulb. Our brain has the thinking capacity of more than 200 million iPads. Our brain's hardware has amazing potential. The software, however, is often sadly lacking.
The brain is basically the headquarters of the human body. Electrical currents pass throughout the entire brain to perform an incredible number of tasks. It controls body temperature, blood pressure, heart rate and breathing. It handles physical movement such as walking, standing or sitting. It accepts a flood of information about the world around us from our various senses - seeing, hearing, smelling, touch and taste. It thinks, dreams, reasons and experiences emotions. All this, even when we are sleeping, is coordinated, controlled and regulated by our brain.
Water Sustains Life - Page 14 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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Water is stored all over us, in our brain and our body, in our liver, kidneys, stomach, bladder, spinal fluids: everywhere! However, more than half is actually inside our cells. As a car engine must have water to function, so every single cell in the human body is dependent on water. Humans can only survive a few days without water.
The body needs water to transport water-soluble nutrients to organs in the body, to transport toxins and waste products out of the body via urine, and to send electrical messages between cells. For example, water allows organs to function, muscles to contract and relax, and for eyes to focus on images. Water also controls our body temperature, it is necessary to digest food and drink, to lubricate our joints and to keep our tissues healthy and pliable.
Only 1% dehydration is a key factor in the cause of headaches, loss of focus, fatigue and poor mood. Thirst is a poor, early sign of dehydration. By the time we feel thirsty, we may already be dehydrated and thirst can be quenched before the necessary body fluids have been replaced. Even slight dehydration impacts brain function, mood and energy; and can produce symptoms of memory loss, mental confusion and dissociation.
Air-conditioning, coffee, alcohol, caffeinated drinks, cigarettes and energy stimulating foods all dehydrate our bodies. Blood loss, vomiting and diarrhea, fever, shock, burns, hypothermia, excessive use of drugs and stimulants, over-consumption of alcohol, infectious disease, malnutrition and diabetes can also cause dehydration. Dehydration can lead to weight gain, while hydration is essential to weight loss.
Fuel Quality Impacts Performance - Page 16 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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A car’s performance is optimal with the right fuel. Regardless of how good the car looks or its engine size, it won't work without the right fuel. If you were to put diesel in a petrol car, the engine would be in need of a full overhaul.
Nutrition
Our brain is a mere 2% of our body weight, but it uses 20% of our energy resources. When our stomach sends a hunger message to our brain, our stomach isn’t interested in nutrition. Its interest is in satisfying the hunger message. Performance is not high on its agenda. Yet, nutrition is fundamental to good energy supply, brain function, health and well-being. Nutrition is often overlooked when people have mental health concerns. Yet, the first signs of malnutrition are generally psychological.
Food is necessary to life. Our body can only survive for about 6 weeks without it. Yet, rather than performance, we find a variety of reasons to eat, besides indulging our appetite. We do eat when we are hungry, but we also eat for taste, for enjoyment and for energy. We eat at social occasions and celebrations. We eat when we are tired, thirsty, bored, for comfort, and the list goes on. Rarely does our brain decide what we require for performance. Rather, our nose and tongue generally dictate the type of food we eat.
The right nutrients maximise our potential, as nutrition directly affects IQ, learning, concentration, sleep and behaviour. Poor food choices or a lack of food can cause us to become sluggish, sad, irritable or anxious to mention just a few symptoms.
Sleep Is Brain Maintenance - Page 20 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World
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Sleep impacts our health in every area but researchers have recently found sleep's greatest benefit to be physical: cleansing. Our body has a great system for flushing out waste, the lymphatic system, but it does not extend to our brain. As the brain tightly regulates everything, it is kept highly secure behind the blood-brain barrier to avoid contamination, but it does have waste to get rid of.
The brain has its own disposal system, the Glymphatic System which pumps cerebral spinal fluid, CSF, through brain tissue to remove waste. The waste is then flushed into our circulatory system, then into our lymphatic system where it is flushed out of our body with all other waste. The Glymphatic System requires a lot of energy and seems to be about 10 times more active during sleep. This is why our brain uses as much energy when we are asleep as it does when we are awake. Brain cells also shrink up to 60% during sleep so CSF can wash through faster. Waste build up has links to serious brain diseases like Alzheimer's. If we don’t sleep every night, our brain can't cleanse itself of toxins properly.
Missing sleep can interfere with attention, awareness, ability to process information, reasoning and problem solving skills. When tired we are more easily distracted, less able to implement new strategies, less able to confront new situations, far more reliant on habit (doing what we have always done) and less able to control our mood and performance. When tired, emotional capacity is diminished which may result in an inability to handle stress, less control of our moods and performance, being easily upset over trivial things, moodiness or mood swings, increased depressive feelings and burnout, decreased empathy, being more likely to pick a fight, relationship troubles, agitation, decreased libido, irritability or aggression, anxiety, sadness, slumps in attention, thinking and focus, sluggish behaviour, hunger, zoning in and out, and mood swings.
Physiological Performance Dashboard - Page 25 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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These 3 simple feedback loops empower us to manage our health, both physically and mentally. This is the best way to spot changes that could eventually be detrimental to our mental health.
This is our early warning system where a change in sleep patterns could indicate a lack of safety or an issue that could be shameful.
A change in bowel habits or hydration indicates an impending change in moods and behaviour. Small adjustment here can ensure "A Healthy Brain"
Safety and Security - Page 28 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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Family and Community Connections
Whilst shelter is essential to safety, in this book, we are predominantly concerned with feeling safe. Safety Needs include our natural desire for our world to be ordered, predictable and within our control.
Today, feeling safe would include feeling safe and secure with the people within our home, at school and in the workplace, as well as feeling secure in our job, finances and even our health.
"When we feel unsafe, we are continually on edge. Our brain chemistry is swamped with stress hormones to the point where we cannot think, learn or socialize normally. Safety feelings can be negatively impacted by marriage problems, workplace insecurity and financial worries. If these issues are not resolved we cannot move up the Maslow scale to a state of well-being."
The Mind - Page 29 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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Mind explains our caveman-like responses to stress, the responses we learn in childhood to relieve that stress or shame, how we carry those same responses into adulthood, and ways we can deal with our shame.
"Actually, we are not far removed from our basic 'Survival At Any Cost' caveman programming. As we become socialized, we are taught to modify our initial reactions to stressful situations.
It's when we are 'Running On Empty' that our lower nature is exposed for all to see. When we run out of resilience we quickly return to 'Survival Mode' and act like tired and hungry toddlers".
Safety In A Tribe - Page 31 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World
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We Feel Safe When We Belong To A Tribe
A young child relies on its parents to provide for their needs. Children learn to expect and rely on their parent to be a source of warmth, provision and comfort. As the child grows, they learn to trust that their needs will be met.
Our first sense of belonging is with our parents, yet all throughout life we continue to seek belonging. We belong to a kindy or a school. We join a sporting club, craft or music group. We all have an innate need to belong - to 'fit' somewhere. A supportive and well-managed home, school or work environment is good for our mental health. We feel safe where we can grow in autonomy, in learning to do for ourselves, to develop self-control and to understand our limits and responsibilities. In a safe environment, we even feel safe to fail and try again.
People who only do as they are told, who are always forced to follow the rules, live in fear and are the ones who end up suffering the most. Our feelings of control, stress, and our ability to perform at our best, are all directly tied to how safe we feel in our tribe. "Feeling unsafe around those we expect to feel safe with - those in our tribes, our carers, our peers - fundamentally violates the laws of nature and how we were designed to live.” Simon Sinek
"When you look closely at the ethic groups represented in many football teams, it becomes apparent that they would all belong to other tribes based on their country of origin. It is not inconceivable that if they were not bonding in their sporting team they might all be opponents on the streets of a big city. We are designed to look for safety and protection from our common interest groups."
The Still Face Experiment - Page 33 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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Building Strong Foundations
We know that healthy relationships between children and caregivers are important for building strong brains. Starting with newborns, a responsive child-caregiver bond builds a strong foundation for development through "serve and return" interactions.
Watch the Still Face Video
"Serve and return" works like a game of tennis or volleyball between child and caregiver. The child “serves” by reaching out for interaction with eye contact, facial expressions, gestures, babbling or touch. A responsive caregiver will “return the serve” by speaking back, playing peekaboo, or sharing a toy or a laugh. These back and forth exchanges are the building blocks of children's early brain development. They help children learn how to control their emotions, to cope with stress, and to learn skills that will serve as a foundation for later development. A caregiver who is sensitive and responsive to a young child’s signals will provide an environment rich in "serve and return" experiences.
Quality Time
It is important to build quality time for children and loved ones into our day. Connection doesn't require a certain quantity of time, it relies on the quality of the time spent together. Be aware of and seize precious moments that present themselves to connect with each other. Some of the best options for quality times are at meal times and bed times, at the start and end of the day. Managing our own stress is also important, an unstressed caregiver has a greater positive impact on a child's well being. "Serve and return" is essential to all relational well-being.
Still Faced Technology and Virtual Autism
A generation is becoming so addicted to social technology that they are “virtually autistic” and unable to be stimulated in the real world, according to one of the world’s foremost brain experts.
During typical face-to-face meetings, only 10 per cent of communication comes from spoken words. Baroness Greenfield found that "people growing up as native users of Facebook and other social media are losing the ability to use the other 90 per cent of communication that comes through visual and other queues which impact their interpersonal skills. This might lead to autistic-like traits … and we are going to have what is now increasingly called ‘virtual autism’: an impairment of interpersonal skills due to excessive use of screens and not enough rehearsal of face-to-face interactions.”
Trauma - Page 36 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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TRAUMA - An Overwhelming Amount of Stress that Exceeds One's Ability to Cope
What happens when a child serves and no one steps up to return the ball? Over time, failing to respond when a child reaches out will weaken brain architecture and impair the development of skills, abilities, behaviour and health. Some children are deprived of "serve-and-return" experiences due to chaotic environments, violence in the home, or caregivers struggling with a mental health problem or addiction.
Because responsive relationships are both expected and essential, their absence is a serious threat to a child’s development and well-being. Healthy brain architecture depends on a sturdy foundation built by appropriate input from a child’s senses and stable, responsive relationships with caring adults. If an adult’s responses to a child are unreliable, inappropriate, or simply absent, the developing architecture of the brain may be disrupted, and subsequent physical, mental, and emotional health may be impaired. The persistent absence of "serve and return" interaction acts as a “double whammy” for healthy development: not only does the brain not receive the positive stimulation it needs, but the body’s stress response is activated, flooding the developing brain with potentially harmful stress hormones.
Reactions to Trauma - Page 37 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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Basic Operating System
The four infant behavioural responses identified as a means of seeking the parent's care and attention in the 'Still Face' video were the Fake Cough, Self Comforting, a Loss of Control and Withdrawal. These behaviours develop in varying degrees as we grow and can become Sicknesses, Addictions or Co-dependency, Violence and Isolation. We learn to respond in unhealthy ways, hoping for some response or relief from the pain of not connecting in healthy ways. This generally creates a negative mindset which reinforces our feeling bad.
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick." Perhaps that is why many people raised in dysfunctional homes have faced despair and depression at some time in their lives. In a dysfunctional home, a person with an addiction problem NUMBS his or her feelings with a chemical or behaviour, and the Co-dependent spouse DENIES their feelings. As a result, the child learns to SUPPRESS NORMAL EMOTIONS and denies the need to be comforted by anyone.
The child begins a life that is based on a feeling that nothing can be done, of hopelessness and powerlessness. The child learns the unwritten rules of the dysfunctional family: Don't talk! Don't trust! Don't feel! Don't think! However, many of these children will grow up to be over-achievers and appear quite successful in the early years of their lives; yet, they will struggle with feelings of low self-worth and have difficulty in relationships. They very often find it hard to believe that anyone could love them.
They attempt to seek approval by frantically serving their parents, family or community; only to experience "burn out" because they give too much of themselves away. Some will not survive well. They will become addictive or develop some other form of compulsive or rebellious behaviour.
Shame Is The Engine - Page 39 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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Traditional psychoanalytic theory focuses directly or indirectly on the object of addiction: alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, work or relationships. Healing comes when it is realised that it is not so much the object of addiction that is paramount, but the process that permits the attachment to develop. Shame-based syndromes are usually at the root of this process. They begin in childhood when "normal" development is interrupted and becomes twisted or pathological.
The trigger can be sexual or physical abuse or another broadscale trauma. Often it is more discreet, such as when a parent is detached and not providing assurance to the child that he or she is loved, respected, cared for and appreciated. The child may sense that they are not worthy or significant in the family and therefore insignificant in the scheme of life. They may grow with the self-perception that they are damaged.
Some become co-dependent or seek endlessly to please someone else in an effort to appear "significant". This people-pleasing may become especially evident in the workplace. These people are desperate to be seen as "good workers". In reality, they are unwittingly being driven by two key aspects of what is known as "disgrace shame": self-blame and self-criticism. Their hidden critic whispers: "I should have always mastered everything". As their pain deepens, they live in a state of "dis-ease". They stumble into friendships and relationships, and test activities and boundaries at random. Some of these pursuits will be satisfied in a season, only to be replaced by others that are more problematic, such as the desire to oppose authority (oppositional personality disorder) or to take up smoking, drugs, alcohol, gambling, antisocial and unsafe sexual behaviours or violence.
Addiction reduces pain, temporarily making deep-seated, negative feelings bearable; but it reproduces shame and constantly reactivates the shame cycle. Anything can become addictive, yet shame and guilt are different. Guilt involves self-judgments about specific acts. Shame involves a generalised concept of a negative self. Shame, along with distress, is the source of depression.
Revealing Shame Starts The Healing - Page 43 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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Facing The Pain
We have learnt to cope by suppressing our emotions and our pain. The healing of shame happens as we learn to appropriately express our feelings and problems. We admit to ourselves, "I have a problem". We become aware of what we do to cope. We talk to another person about it, a counsellor or a safe and trusted friend, in a safe place where we can be honest with ourselves and the other person. This person will listen to us and help us recognise, observe and share our emotions. We realise that feelings do not always require a response. Feelings are not always trustworthy. They will pass and we can let them go. We can grow, live responsibly and have self-worth. We can forgive and be forgiven.
Guilt and shame is the way we are built to respond to 'wrong doing'. We all have a conscience: something inside that tells us right from wrong. Sometimes wrong is done to us, other times we do wrong and sometimes stuff just happens, but guilt and shame are emotions that we must look at to discover how to heal and live a whole life. What we do with them is what is important. All emotion is healthy when it is directed appropriately.
We biologically grow closer when we come together to achieve, to get something done and to share our hardships. Trust begins to emerge when we have a sense that another person is driven by things other than their own self-gain. With trust comes a sense of value: real value for who we are.
Feeling Leads To Healing - Page 41 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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Guilt and shame is the way we are built to respond to 'wrong doing'. We all have a conscience: something inside that tells us right from wrong. Sometimes wrong is done to us, other times we do wrong and sometimes stuff just happens, but guilt and shame are emotions that we must look at to discover how to heal and live a whole life. What we do with them is what is important. All emotion is healthy when it is directed appropriately.
A child (and we all) needs at least one dependable, significant adult in their life. Everyone deserves self worth and the dignity of their own thoughts and opinions. When we listen to another person, it means that what they say matters, more importantly, they matter. If we've been 'shut up' for years, we shut down our creativity and confidence. We all need attention.
Disconnection - Page 40 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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We biologically grow closer when we come together to achieve, to get something done and to share our hardships. Trust begins to emerge when we have a sense that another person is driven by things other than their own self-gain. With trust comes a sense of value: real value for who we are.
"Value, by definition, is the transference of trust. You can’t convince someone you have value, just as you can’t convince someone to trust you. You have to earn trust by communicating and demonstrating that you share the same values and beliefs."
Simon Sinek
"I lived for so long with my secrets that I was always in fear of discovery and never felt real peace. I lived with the thought that if people knew the real me, they would leave me and I would have to face abandonment again.
A real relationship is based on intimacy - 'In To Me I See' and 'In To Me I Allow You To See'. Once we expose our flaws to a safe person, we can learn to live honestly with the 'real us'. Someone in my journey told me, 'whatever you bury alive, stays alive - AND GROWS.' How true that was for me. When you face the pain, you get the new life!"
Appropriate Relationships - Page 43 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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Feeling Accepted as You Really Are - Sense of Belonging
Human connection brings complex values to our lives. Relationships give us a sense of belonging, to another, to a group, a sense of identity in contrast to others in that group, an almost therapeutic-support system, and a reason not to feel lonely. We learn from others’ experiences and insight and we learn together by pursuing new experiences alongside those we befriend. And on a very basic level, therapy involves this principle as well. Sitting and reading a book about psychology will rarely be as beneficial as sitting and talking with a therapist or counsellor. It’s the interactive exchange that makes all the difference.
Many people are so unhappy that they find a therapist or counsellor to work through their struggles. Plenty more people are content enough with their lives, but there are some who are truly happy. Where does that happiness come from? Does money buy it? Self-confidence? Safety? Support systems? A fulfilling job? Pets? Everyone’s combination of life experience is different, but repeated studies have identified that some groups tend to be happier than others.
Who Am I? - Page 45 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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Anyone without standards and values is at the mercy of everybody else's values. As parents, it is important to understand our own values, so we pass them to our children and guide them in forming their own. What are the habits and behaviours that we are modelling for our children? Don't just teach children, ask for their opinions and respect their answers. This helps them think for themselves and to gain confidence. Problems often arise when adult role-models in life let us down. As we become aware of what our standards and values are, we may challenge them or disagree with them if they don't work for us.
"It was a big day for me when I realized that I was more than just my body. All of the problems I was having were related to the impatient needs of my body. If all of our identity is in a physical body that is aging and deteriorating daily, we don't have much to celebrate".
Connection - Page 47 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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Feeling Accepted as You Really Are - Sense of Belonging
Human connection brings complex values to our lives. Relationships give us a sense of belonging, to another, to a group, a sense of identity in contrast to others in that group, an almost therapeutic-support system, and a reason not to feel lonely. We learn from others’ experiences and insight and we learn together by pursuing new experiences alongside those we befriend. And on a very basic level, therapy involves this principle as well. Sitting and reading a book about psychology will rarely be as beneficial as sitting and talking with a therapist or counselor. It’s the interactive exchange that makes all the difference.
Many people are so unhappy that they find a therapist or counsellor to work through their struggles. Plenty more people are content enough with their lives, but there are some who are truly happy. Where does that happiness come from? Does money buy it? Self-confidence? Safety? Support systems? A fulfilling job? Pets? Everyone’s combination of life experience is different, but repeated studies have identified that some groups tend to be happier than others.
Recent studies have looked a bit closer at the happiness quotient of two, specific (though very different) groups -
People who live in “walkable” neighbourhoods, and People who are involved in church.
Both had one major factor in common - human relationships.
Personal Connections - Page 47 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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A word about self help. Whilst self help techniques such as meditation and yoga etc, may be beneficial, they produce an individualistic mentality which privatises our issues. The problem being, the person is most likely already isolated. We cannot live in isolation. There is no self that exists, other than how self exists with others.
We must learn to express emotion in healthy and constructive ways or we end up expressing destructively. A child may hammer a toy, but an adult punches a wall. The message in the head is the same regardless of size.
"Once I could be the real ME, I was free to be a legitimate part of a group. I joined a serving community feeding and housing the street-people, joined Rotary and looked for ways to let the world know the keys to a better life through understanding holistic mental health".
What Is Your Purpose - Page 49 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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Spirit looks at purpose, its role in providing fulfilment and happiness, and how to deal with the thinking that can keep us from finding that purpose and ultimate fulfilment. Emerging research shows that 'meaning in life' predicts better physical health outcomes. Greater meaning has been associated with a reduced risk of Alzheimer's disease, reduced risk of heart attack among individuals with coronary heart disease, reduced risk of stroke, and increased longevity in both American and Japanese samples.
In 2014, the British National Health Service began recommending a five step plan for mental well-being, based on meaningful lives.
The steps are:
1. Connect with our family and community
2. Physical exercise
3. Lifelong learning
4. Giving to others
5. Being aware or mindful of the world around you
Researchers in positive psychology have found that following these steps leads to fuller engagement in activities, greater contribution to society through utilising one's personal strengths, greater meaning based on investing in something larger than the self and improved life satisfaction.
How To Start Your Journey - Page 50 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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Purpose - Having a great vehicle and a great driver is pointless unless you are going somewhere.
Most people only move from one situation to another when they are forced to move by some pressure or force of circumstance. If I have an accurate map which will enable me to navigate across a strange city and I don't read it, I am unlikely to reach my desired destination. I must locate my present position and my desired destination to be able to navigate.
As we care for ourselves, come to know who we are and become aware of where we are in our relationships; we can take our first steps toward making choices that will enrich our own lives. This will assist us to move toward our purpose which will provide fulfilment and happiness. Only when we know our present position, can we navigate toward a goal.
When we know who we are and where we are, we can cease to be driven by impersonal forces in the world around us. We can begin to plan and take control of our journey through life. When we know who we are and where we are, we can understand a little of our present behaviour and make decisions about the kind of future we want to aim for. If our future is different to our present lifestyle, we can choose to make changes to achieve our goals.
Fit For Purpose - Page 53 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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We are all designed differently to perfectly fit our purpose.
We all have desires and talents to use and develop that will give us our own, unique purpose in life. At different times and different stages in our lives, that purpose may change. Having a purpose or a goal helps us know where we are going in life and helps us work out what to do to get there.
Our habits will help build who we are. Developing and building a system of 'healthy' habits and routines will shape us into who we want to be. We can start by working on small achievable changes to be more effective, instead of starting out by setting big goals which can be daunting and often unachievable. Every single day, take one small step that moves you in the direction of your purpose. Write down your goal and break it down into smaller goals and then even further into small, actionable steps.
When we have a goal and work on it, it works on us to change and develop us. We become better people in the challenge of pursuing our goals.
Do we have goals? Can we write them down in a sentence or two? Is the goal worth persevering for? Are the goals worth giving our time, our effort and the price to achieve them?
Not Built To Travel Alone - Page 57 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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Life is meant to be shared. This is why helping others is so important to us. The one thing we all have in common is the need for human interaction, not in a superficial 'social media' way, but in a genuine, heart-to-heart, authentic way. Facebook, Instagram and Twitter are all great ways of 'sharing' important life events. However, status updates and clever posts are by no means a substitute for real interaction and intimacy. Authentic relationships also boost our happy brain chemical: serotonin.
Real relationships and intimacy require us to share our deepest feelings, hurts, failures, doubts and fears, as well as acknowledging our weaknesses. It means trusting others enough to take off the mask; to be real and ask for help when needed.
True authenticity requires courage and humility. It is risky, but we only grow by taking risks. In strong, solid relationships we experience mutuality: the art of giving and receiving. It is depending on each other, building reciprocal relationships, sharing responsibilities and helping each other.
Whether it is with a significant other, or with friends, family members or co-workers, invest time in building significant, authentic and intimate relationships into our lives. Have you ever had an experience that took your breath away and looked around for someone to share it with? Life is meant to be shared. We are born that way. It's in our DNA. It's how we get through life. It's like having a mechanic sitting next to you as you get off the beaten track.
"For the first half of my life I was a loner. It was not until I met Annie that, with her understanding and support, I was eventually able to have a truly transparent relationship. It is amazingly peaceful to live with someone when you don't have the fear of exposure hanging over you."
Self Actualization - Page 59 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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Maslow 5 - Self Actualization
Self-actualized people are those who are fulfilled and doing all they are capable of. The growth of self-actualization, coined by Maslow in 1962, refers to the need for personal growth and discovery that is present throughout a person's life. For Maslow, a person is always 'becoming' and never remains static in these terms.
Maximizing Your Talents and Potential
Learn the art of being present and celebrate the small wins. Be kind and remember the importance of what we achieve everyday, rather than being too focused on achieving massive goals. Having a daily checklist and ticking off what we do accomplish can be an act of celebration. Find positive ways to reward ourselves as we move forward, develop and achieve. One step forward will usually generate a second step forward.
Events Can Change Your Life - Page 61 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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There is one thing we can be sure of in life and that is change. We all grow and move on to different things at different times. Some things we know are coming, others take us by surprise and others come as a shock. When a disaster occurs or relationships end, whether they be personal, work or family, we all need time to learn to cope, adjust and heal.
Below is a 7 stage adjustment process for how we deal with and process, loss and the associated grief:
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Shock and Denial: we generally react to learning of loss with numbed disbelief.
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Pain and Guilt: as the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain.
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Anger and Bargaining: frustration gives way to anger. We may lash out and lay blame.
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'Depression', Reflection and Loneliness: a long period of sad reflection and loneliness.
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The Upward Turn: we start to adjust and life becomes calmer and more organised.
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Reconstruction and Working Through: we become more functional and practical.
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Acceptance and Hope: we learn to accept and deal with the reality of the situation.
We are all unique and have different expectations of ourselves and life. Some are normal but others are unrealistic. We view life from our own perspective and sometimes this perspective or perception needs adjustment. Be kind to yourself and take time to heal. Live one day at a time, some will be good and some not so good, but you will move on.
Life will always present challenges, it's how we respond to and deal with those challenges that impact our lives. Fear is a natural part of life. Fear of failing often prevents people from any form of change, whether that change is of our choosing or is forced upon us. Fear stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. Often our obstacles are simply that: false evidence that we think is real. Never be afraid to ask for help. If the first person you ask is not the right person to help you, ask another, and another, until you find the right help. Support and help is always there if you look and persist.
"It's when we feel that our life's dreams have been shattered, through divorce, redundancy, illness or even an empty nest, that we are the most vulnerable to distorted thinking and indiscreet behaviours that can further complicate the situation.
This is also the time to be aware of the moods and attitudes of friends or associates who may be experiencing life-changing events. This is when we see the greatest risk of self-harm."
Brain Chemistry - Endorphins - Page 63 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World
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Endorphins are neurotransmitters responsible for our survival. Endorphins are produced as a response to certain stimuli, especially stress, pain or fear. They enable us to press on in spite of circumstances, to endure and survive.
The primary role of endorphins is to mask physical pain. Endorphins are solo chemicals which means we can make endorphins on our own. We don't necessarily need another human being for the release of endorphins. They are our own private narcotic, our feel-good chemical, our natural pain killer.
There are more than 20 kinds of endorphins. One type is even stronger than morphine. They are responsible for blocking physical pain but also, for giving us our feelings of pleasure. It's widely believed that these feelings of pleasure exist to let us know when we've had enough of a good thing, such as too much food and even companionship.
Endorphins also encourage us to go after something in order to feel the associated pleasure. Endorphins originate in various parts: the pituitary gland, spinal cord and throughout other parts of the brain and nervous system. They mainly interact with receptors in cells found in regions of the brain responsible for blocking pain and controlling emotion
Brain Chemistry - Dopamine - Page 65 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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Dopamine is a neurotransmitter, a feel good chemical responsible for sending messages between the brain and nerve cells of the body. Dopamine is the motivation molecule in charge of our pleasure and reward system.
Dopamine is a solo chemical, meaning we can make dopamine on our own. We don't necessarily need another human being for the release of dopamine in our bodies. Dopamine motivates us to take action toward goals, desires and needs; giving us a surge of reinforcing pleasure when we achieve them. Dopamine is the feeling we have when we find something we were looking for, or when we accomplish what we set out to achieve: the feeling we get when we cross something off our to-do list. Dopamine ensures we achieve our goals.
Dopamine is why it is important to write our goals down and cross them off: this act gives us a burst of dopamine. Dopamine is why having a vision is so important; why measurable milestones and goals are necessary. If we feel we are making progress toward our vision, we keep going forward, because dopamine motivates us. Dopamine is responsible for bodily functions such as movement, memory, sleep, mood, pleasurable reward, behaviour and cognition. It helps control nausea and vomiting. If you are feeling sick or nauseous, it may be because your dopamine levels are low.
Dopamine should come with a warning though - it is highly, highly addictive.
Brain Chemistry - Serotonin - Page 68 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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Serotonin is a brain chemical responsible for regulating people's moods. It is our 'happy hormone'. It is the leadership chemical and is responsible for feelings of significance, importance, pride and status. Serotonin is also responsible for social behaviour, appetite and digestion, immune function, sleep, memory and sexual function.
It has a wide variety of functions which keep us happy and on track. We are social animals and social recognition is important to us. Serotonin re-enforces relationships to give us feelings of fulfilment, love and trust; such as the relationships between parent and child, boss and employee, coach and player, and caregiver and the one receiving care. This is why we have graduations and give out awards. If we fulfilled all the requirements to graduate and simply received an email stating, "Congratulations! Please print your certificate with the attached pdf", we wouldn't feel as good. Instead, we have a big ceremony to celebrate accomplishment. In the audience are our family, friends and teachers: everyone who supported us and watched our backs. We show up on the day, go up onto the stage, receive our diploma and it feels great!
We feel our status and our pride rise when we have serotonin in our veins and our confidence rises also. The best part is, at the exact moment we receive our diploma, we feel a burst of serotonin go through our body. And our parents sitting in the audience also receive a shot of serotonin and feel immense pride watching our graduation.
Brain Chemistry - Oxytocin - Page 71 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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Oxytocin is the neurotransmitter known as the love chemical which creates intimacy and trust, and builds healthy relationships. It helps us to feel satisfied and gives us all the warm and fuzzies.
Oxytocin occurs naturally, is made in the hypothalamus and is stored and released by the posterior pituitary gland in the brain. Oxytocin is thought to be the superhero that produces nurturing and relaxing sensations, countering the production of cortisol and bringing all of the stress responses back to normal.
Oxytocin produces an intense feeling of safety, of knowing that someone has your back. It promotes calmness and connectedness. The cultivation of oxytocin is essential for creating strong bonds where people look out for each other and it improves social interactions.
Brain Chemistry - Cortisol - Page 73 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World
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Cortisol is the stress hormone made by our two adrenal glands, one located on each kidney. The pituitary gland, located inside the brain, regulates the amount of cortisol released by the adrenal glands. Cortisol is essential for life and helps to maintain blood pressure, immune function and the body's anti-inflammatory processes. We share feelings of stress and anxiety with all other social animals. If we saw a herd of gazelle grazing and if one gazelle thought it heard a rustle in the grass, it would suddenly jerk its head up. This is what cortisol does.
Cortisol is designed to keep us alive. It is the first stage of fight or flight. It makes all of our senses hyper-attuned to look for danger and it injects glucose into our muscles so we are ready to go in case we need to fight or flee. Cortisol rapidly increases our heart rate and makes us start looking vigilantly to find the source of danger. The interesting thing about cortisol in a social environment is, if others sense that you are nervous, they get nervous too. So, all of the other gazelle go and jerk up their heads. They didn't see anything, they just saw that one gazelle over there startled. So, they all freaked out and all started looking for the danger. This is a good system! The gazelles who didn't even hear the rustle will see the lion, they will all run and will live another day! The same applies in the workplace. If we go to work and someone says, "I think there are going to be layoffs", we all panic. "What do you mean, where, when, who?" We all get paranoid. "Oh, I shouldn't have said or done..." We start to get crazy, our hearts start to race.
That is what cortisol does, it is trying to keep us alive. If we wake up in the middle of the night and hear a bump, what do we do? Jump and wake our partner up. What do they do? They jump also. As we are visual animals, we trust our eyes and go looking. If there is nothing there, we bend over and give a big sigh of relief. Cortisol then leaves our body, we relax and our heart rate goes back down. To increase our heart rate, cortisol shuts down systems, such as our growth and immune system, to gain energy to fight or flee. We are not supposed to have cortisol in our system all of the time. It's supposed to be present briefly for danger and then gone.
Brain Chemistry - Living With Cortisol - Page 76 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World
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Chronic stress is now linked with just about every health problem out there. Stress affects most people at least to some degree and impacts health by sending chemical signals around the body, to the heart and blood vessels, immune system, lungs, digestive system, sensory organs, and brain. Stress has the power to increase breathing, heart rate, pain and muscle tension; change our appetite; and give us sleep-related problems. Thankfully, there are many ways in which we can reduce stress:
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Prayer, meditation and mindfulness: These practices have been shown to help train the brain and body to turn off the stress response and promote more relaxation. These benefits are possible without impairing alertness, concentration or memory. Many studies show that daily meditation or healing prayer for just 15 to 30 minutes can offer significant reductions in cortisol. Participating in a regular, mindfulness-based stress reduction program also offers significant reductions in cortisol and stress-related symptoms or diseases. Using these methods can also improve brain and heart health while bolstering our immune system.
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Deep breathing exercises: Taking deep breaths helps turn down the sympathetic nervous system and kick in the body’s natural relaxation response by activating the parasympathetic nervous system. Diaphragmatic breathing is an easy technique to learn on your own and practiced throughout the day will relieve muscle tension and anxiety.
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Spending time in nature or outdoors: Studies show that physical settings play a role in stress reduction and being in nature is a well-documented way to promote relaxation. Try going for walks or runs outside, spending time at the ocean, walking through forests, gardening at home, or doing other things outdoors and away from technology to reduce anxiety.
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Exercise regularly: According to research published by Harvard Medical School, regular exercise, about 30 to 60 minutes most days of the week, is one of the best ways to manage stress, balance hormones, improve sleep quality and aid normal metabolic functions such as balancing blood sugar levels.
It's Not Mental It's Physical - Page 77 of the book - 'How To Stay Sane In A Crazy World'
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You CAN help - Get Involved At some point in their lives, most people will experience a thinking disorder of some degree. Usually, there is someone close to them who knows how they normally think and behave. That person is the first to recognise the difference. Unfortunately, because of the stigma of MENTAL ILLNESS, many will just avoid the person and try not to notice their abnormal, and sometimes embarrassing emotions and changed behaviours. More than 90% of mental health problems can be overcome with early intervention. The distorted thinking needs to be addressed and corrected before it becomes habitual.
It’s Not MENTAL - It’s PHYSICAL The human brain is a physical organ that operates like a computer. It manages our body and protects us from harm. It is more powerful than 200 million iPads. Our brain knows how to make blood, grow fingernails, fix a broken leg and balance the chemicals that our other organs need to function correctly.
The brain needs correct nutrition, hydration and rest in order to think properly and manage the body and its immune system. Like any computer, if it is not maintained properly, it will malfunction and need some corrective action. Most thinking disorders are actually the brain operating under excessively stressful conditions. Incorrect thinking and perceptions can lead to unusual behaviours. Normal thinking can usually be restored if it is quickly recognised as physical in nature and altered before it becomes established as a chronic thinking pattern. A Brain Buddy will look past the outward MENTAL symptoms and recognise any PHYSICAL conditions which could be causing the brain to think erratically.
Early intervention can be the key to avoiding long term mental health disorders. Food, Water and Get Some SLEEP The brain requires correct resources.