Then You Ruined It: Recent Episodes
Jason Sigler
Hosts Steve Shinney and Jason Sigler recount their lives one scene at a time, continuing until one of them inevitably ruins it for the other.
Both Steve and Jason are still men who are convinced their pop culture-focused T-shirts are great conversation starters!
Steve thinks dodging his way through a throng of old, naked men builds character!
Jason was scared away from the gym thanks to a poorly-directed tour that led him through a veritable forest of man meat!
Jason assumes, if he's naked, even if the door is locked and the blinds are shut, someone can see everything he's got!
Jason's got a leaky attic and he and ONLY HE and his long legs can fix it (or at least sop up the remaining, moldy, rusty water)!
Jason's wife certainly suggested that she expected him to miss dinner to soak up gallons of moldy attic water!
Jason should probably learn more about his home so he doesn't lose all his money to problems he can't understand!
In the process of trying to rid his home of yet another lizard visitor, Jason got a little too close for comfort and uttered a sound his kids are still laughing about!
Steve wants an AI solely to watch Jason's life through smart devices and drones so he can get a supercut of just the funny stuff!
Steve wants all of America to play his new game show, "Scratchin' or Jackin'?" Jason could see that, but he doesn't WANT to see that.
Jason's health is questionable but he doesn't want his wife to know that and he thinks he does a good job of hiding it!
Jason's doctor thinks his kidneys are fine, it's pretty much everything else that is the problem!
Steve attempts to gaslight Jason on the proper physical procedure but if there's one thing he knows, it's balls!
Jason had to provide a specimen and a tiny peeing closet and Starbucks cup were not the ideal venue and equipment for that feat!
Steve attempted to appease an in-law with a relocation that just ended with her hating America more, which is SOOO 2025!
Steve and his family surprised his parents with buying a new house nearer to them and yep, that's a bold move alright!
Jason surprised his dad with a trip home for a major milestone birthday and even earned a parental curse word for his efforts!
Steve has agreed to post cardboard cutouts of his stern-faced wife around his nearly empty house to force him to get things done!
Jason is worried he slipped another multiverse or two when his best bud's dads make like Lazarus, but Steve assumes he just has no long-term memory!
Jason takes his lukewarm fandom of Happy Gilmore 2 to vacation plan-bending extremes!
Jason made it too far to settle for Ben Stiller and a determined Subway employee helped him hold true to that important tenant!
Steve has to travel and go through that whole riganmarole! Reaganmobile? Regardandole?
Jason is an accidental narc, surprising no one (except those who assume he's an on-purpose one)!
Both guys agree, traveling without your family is where it's at!
Steve think the TSA is a bigger problem than ICE! Ok, Steve!
Jason bonded with his son, in their shared terror of tall things!
Tiny metal doors are a bad way of preparing people for something potentially terrifying!
Steve has always heard that St. Louis doesn't have a whole lot to look at and yeah, he's not totally wrong!
Did you know flattened pennies are still a thing? It's true!
Steve's son flagrantly tossed his undies in an attempt to impress a girl. What an awkward time!
Steve's neighborhood loves contriving reasons to shoot off fireworks! He nearly threw down with a neighbor blaming him for an errant concussive blast! Jason scares easily and lashes out at who or whatever is nearby! He also doesn't get the appeal of live fireworks displays but will gladly watch from the safety of his car with his kids!
Jason's wife told him to buy a new iPad while she was on a business trip! He went to the Facebook Marketplace, because losing your kidney in a deal gone bad while you have the kids for the week is great parenting! He made the swap and even sweetened the possible murderer with an extra fiver! Afterwards, his kids got ice cream as he pondered his life choices!
Steve got a used kayak from a guy tangentially-related to the Seattle Mariners! Then he flailed like a Muppet in about a foot of water! Jason has had his slippery boat dockings, too! He might also be on the wrong Instagram, apparently! And both dads are excited to see their well-adjusted kids eat it, occasionally!
Steve's car has a ghost! And Jason doesn't know how they start in the first place! Steve says "foot-punching" like it's a normal thing! Jason loves when the service department yells at the mechanic department!
Jason saw so many adolescent dropkicks that expressed teenage angst and rebellion! Steve and his friends jumped out the back of a school bus with no warning! One is a narc, the other is cool, and get to decide which is which! WORDS ARE DUMB FIGHT ME WITH YOUR HANDS
Jason did real hero stuff! Which is surprising to Steve considering (gestures generally towards Jason)! His good deeds also got him some bomb-ass cookies! Being good rocks! Also, Steve is probably seeing random phantoms and his family might be experiencing... the Shinning.
Steve learns from a horny clam Miyagi how best to pleasure the beach and Jason agrees to seek him out. Adventure!
Everyone has a good time at the park until the crotch is injured! But even a near-testicular laceration cannot deter Jason's son from enjoying some freakin' froyo! Steve regales us about the sad tubes and tires that peppered his childhood parks! And find out why Jason thinks he was a Seinfeld on the playground, but Steve finds his material much more Rickles-esque.
Jason can't find a new job because no one knows or will acknowledge how awesome he is! But he also can't get his pants off! Maybe he should think of giving up the joggers and also admit they're really just sweatpants! Steve thinks he can use the situation to grow and learn!
Jason's family must wear shower shoes in their own showers and Steve has a number system for his bathroom waste and you'll never guess what number three is! Now get in there and make a new number!
The guys agree that the best part of playing a sport is getting to choose your walk-up/out music and Jason agrees that Steve is too on-the-nose with his daily music choices! His musical would never work!
Steve's classmate ate chalk like it was an Altoid! It caused extreme tummy distress! Steve also paid kids to eat june bugs! Jason would rather blow his quarters on Street Fighter II which Steve totally respects! He also doesn't eat weird stuff, no matter what his supposed friends say! And he always goes twosies on McRibs! Steve's dyslexia is music to Jason's ears!
We're relaunching with a new look, a new season, and the same great taste! Eww!
Jason's son made a new Chinese friend in the girl next door! Jason's friends (friend?) used to ask him to play video games for them, too! He swears to it! Both Steve and Jason wonder if the supermodels are all woke now! Steve is concerned that he can only name three supermodels! Jason's high school basketball team was warned not to... enjoy the Swimsuit Issue they'd smuggled onto the bus! Steve heard a guy complaining about not receiving his copy in his subscription!
Steve went to a live nativity (yes, around Christmas) and Jason questions whether God cares about that form of expressing His Son's birth or not. A poor shepherd in that same live nativity tried to deny the liveliness of a sheep... presenting to the gathered masses. The guys imagine that even searching for anuses under the auspices of it being for a podcast is probably frowned upon by society at large. Finally, Jason went big and killed it at his church's variety show so of course he wants recognition for it.
Jason's family is in a rut, but it's a fun rut? It's vacation time, after all!
Since he didn't trust his kids to talk him down from a panic attack 100 feet in the air, he instead trusted them to go on that ride by themselves. And it went pretty well! He also blamed his Switch 2 announcement woes on a certain Cheeto-faced racist dullard, making him a miserable pile of secrets for at least a day. We leave you with this might-as-well-be-a-quote from his exasperated kids, having ridden a Ferris wheel without him, explaining why they never waved back at him:
"We were looking at things that were inspiring, dad, not you."
Sunrise... sunset.
Steve isn't willing to remove clothing to physically capture and reserve a space because he doesn't care enough, I guess. Meanwhile, Steve and his wife trying to verbally occupy a space just look like a flash mob who lost most of their mob. To Jason, Shinney Quest sounds like a game where everything is fetch quests. Finally, the guys wonder if Joe works in a button-pushing factory, or a button-making factory... either way, he sounds pretty unmanageable.
Steve proved at Asian comedy night that yes, white people be crazy. Jason once drove over an hour to see someone's comedy set and he's pretty sure he didn't come off as too creepy. Also, Steve got too distracted by the rats to defend the women from the crackheads in what is apparently a regular experience in downtown Seattle. Finally, Steve wouldn't burn a Tesla, but he'd consider both numbers 1 and 2 on one. Buyer beware!
Steve uses the "in tents/intense" dad joke pun... Jason is unaffected! And have YOU ever played a game where someone nearly got stabbed? Also, we think playing laser tag and/or paint ball with people who have played Call of Duty online ruins an otherwise mirthful time. Jason is convinced that timely intervention from an adult could have saved poor Piggy. Finally, psychological warfare is the best tactic against an uprising 6-year-old.
Steve shows Jason an extremely phallic gourd with another special surprise for keen-eyed viewers! Meanwhile, Steve's family also gathered underneath a Christmas swastika to celebrate the season and Jason has just so many questions. Finally, Jason's mom made tiny biscuits for Christmas one year and no, they never let her hear the end of it.
Truly, "while going to the M&M Store, I saw Captain America try to cold cock a dude" is the kind of thing that definitely shouldn't stay in Vegas. Also, if Steve Rogers drops an F-bomb, you know you're on the last page of the comic book. Riker is the kind of freak to hold down someone so his friend could pee on them and we all know it. Finally, Steve (the co-host of this show) is such a dad, OTHER giant teenage boys fall asleep on his shoulder during flights.
Jason is just not sorry that he hopes to never have to poop in a urinal. By the way, on Halloween, all toilets run the chance of being haunted, we assume by old turds? Jason's childhood box fan was haunted, or brought about other spirits to... breathe near him? It's not exactly a ghost hunt, people. Finally, redcoats, foreskins, it's all the same, just get ready to shoot someone!
Steve took his family skiing and assumed he would be the XTREME MASTER due to his prior snowboarding days. However, despite Jason's protestations to the contrary, once he found the right slope, Steve was hotdoggin' and sandwichin' and just being a really sexy snake. Finally, Jason thinks heaven's foyer is playing a 24/7 video of the worst fails of the new arrivals to the Pearly Gates. Just nards on stair rails all day and all night!
Patience is the last virtue a child displays when waiting to get into the family car. Also, car dealerships that aren't surrounded by other car dealerships are not to be trusted. And car salespeople come in all varieties of abilities but some appear to have none. Jason's father-in-law will laser focus on offending drivers and pinpoint his horn honk so there's no mistaking who is on the receiving end. And finally, being caught flipping someone off is tantamount to pants down caught cheating with someone else.
Jason finally talked to his new neighbors... while driving them to school one bus-less morning and just assumes they thought they were being kidnapped. Also, his thinly-veiled racism is really a callback to a joke from a previous episode (recorded the same night as this one), so he really was just making a bad joke and not a xenophobic one. And apparently, "Get your s*** and drive us to the school" is a universal sign between nations. Finally, Steve swears by Google Translate in trying to make things far less awkward for old people from other countries. Jason assumes AI will ruin that, too, though.
Jason took a few days to drive Miss Daisy while she attempted to drive him crazy. But earning non-traceable funds (for good deeds, no less!) is Jason's favorite kind of second Christmas, so the more the merrier! Finally, Steve is also considering a new job and has thought about being a Breaking Bad.
Steve's son is better than his dad in every measurable way (height, amount and quality of hair, sounds he makes in the bathroom in the morning), but he hasn't had to defend himself against bullies and that makes him weak. He's also producing content and CRUSHING IT. And Jason is very proud of his current urinary stream, thank you very much.
Both Jason and Steve want their kids and their kids' kids to treat this podcast like the journal they never kept. Jason's stool scare led to a whirlwind night wherein his butt made him $10 richer. And attempting to insert a... thing... in a place... led to a Three Stooges-esque comedy of errors that the hole family can enjoy!
Steve hears a cop brouhaha outside and decides the safest thing for a middle-class white guy to do is to go check on it. Turns out, someone called S.W.A.T. for a kid's birthday party and no one is buying Sue on the rooftop guns. Jason avoided a vehicular incident when Santa came to town by simply being busy. And both guys agree that, even in 2025, terminally-Nextdoor people never have the appropriate level of indignance for any given neighborhood disturbance.
Steve's daughter delivered the perfect burn on a potential bully and he couldn't be prouder. Meanwhile, the Nintendo Treehouse remains the most magical place in the world in Jason's mind and he can't wait to mark it off his bucket list someday. Also, Steve has chosen his brother to off him in a zombified scenario because he once beat a traumatized deer to death with a tire iron. Finally, animal heaven must be the best place, because every creature enters pure and whole, so it's just the coolest, most peaceful zoo.
Women have been known to carry things in their bra and Jason has no idea where the socio-economic boundaries of such behavior are formed. Also, brazen fondling around the house is a two-way street that no one should venture down, across, or through. It seems apparent to both Steve and Jason that co-WFH relationships lead to various Zoom misunderstandings and confused, even angry reactions. Finally, Jason attempts to create a bartering system to convince his family to visit him for favors and accidentally invents prostitution? Keep the change, ya filthy manimal!
Steve and his family eschewed Thanksgiving traditions for freezer treats and snowshoeing and the gods (... God?) made him pay for their transgressions. Jason found inconsistencies in the Chiefs Hallmark holiday romance, leading the guys to craft the perfect holiday schmaltz plot. Also, Steve and his friends couldn't even afford the tennis rackets that poor people (and cartoon characters) make snowshoes out of.
Finally, yes, we checked and Patrick Duffy is still alive.
Jason used his wife as cheap health care for a quick checkup. Rectum? She did indeed damn near kill him. When asked to reciprocate for health inquiries involving nudity, Jason finds only disappointment when the checkup is where the fun begins and ends. Also, Steve may not be good at much, but he always knows the distance to his... hole.
Steve's wife saw a guy peeing at public, so of course she checked out what he was packing. Also, if a man decides to pee in public, that's gross, but everyone deserves to look if they want. Can you say if you've ever held your pee just to spite someone? Finally, Steve brings back a Then You Ruined It classic: dog table boosties! And yes, Steve has (or has not) pooped in too many caves for Jason to keep them separate.
This is your holiday reintroduction to Jason: Master of Awkward Conversations! Sure, you might have witnessed someone slowly leaving a conversation, but have you seen someone extricate themselves while in a car? In the rain? Now THAT'S style! Also, Steve encounters many quest givers on public transit and foolishly decides to stick with the main questline.
Doing it right and doing it your way are different concepts we should all grasp to ensure we get along. Jason agrees with Steve's thoughts on another Shinney Swindle to get his daughter into a different swim class and then immediately regrets the validation. Steve plots a murder on the podcast, forgetting that it's public and available to listen by anyone (though very few do, so the chances he'll be caught are slim). Finally, the guys talk about how many podcasts they've hosted and ruined (it's a non-zero number!).
Steve believes that walkin' and talkin' on a speakerphone should exclusively be a social shortcoming of the olds. Jason's eyes are giving up on him by refusing to pick a focus distance to stick with. He also thinks that hair dye should be illegal to sell to those related to someone with impending memory and cognitive decline. Finally, Jason says Steve creates dongless angels every week and you've got one in your ears right now!
Jason got the frank truth from a high school teacher once it was apparent he would graduate with no problems. Meanwhile, Steve and his class missed out on Lava Hot Springs because they were so horribly behaved that they couldn't be trusted not to be horrible, proving that when words don't work, a punch or a cutting remark will do. Also, some cities have dumb pronunciations so you don't realize they're not the cool one. Finally, never attempt "light as a feather, stiff as a board" with the chunky kid.
Steve accidentally struck an old man at church and got a teachable moment out of it. He also saved a man who nearly ate it on the bus and believes his hero party is still overdue. And... IS there a key to the city? Finally, watching porn on the bus is a choice and not one you want to get in on. Try your best not to be creepy!
And now, a light-hearted school shooting standoff story from Pocatello, ID! Relatedly, "Guns for Pizza" totally sounds like an American trade system. Jason posits that there must have been a protective bubble around Idaho that kept anything in the zeitgeist from penetrating the state. How else do you explain a place that understood the rules of pogs? Finally, Idaho proved that hacky sack is a fun, chill game until some violent idiot catches and tags you with it.
Steve is right that Tuah is not a word and he's also right that it's insensitive to Utah natives. The guys are determined to get "ptui" back in the regular vernacular and knock this flash-in-the-pan gal down a peg or two. They also ask, have they had their moment and it passed them by? Did they pass IT? Has it never happened because it never will? Finally, we used to talk about our vibes but now, we just feel them, and isn't that better?
No, no, it's worse. Talk, don't feel.
Jason thinks you should stop what you're doing right now and watch A League Of Their Own while Steve is threatened by the success of Tom Hanks. They also think that sex in a marriage with children present is hard enough, you certainly don't need a child sleeping in your bed and blocking either of the interested parties. Finally, Jason compares sex while married with children to getting a timid fawn to feed out of your hand. And apt, if not disturbing, description!
It was time for Jason to finally take the plunge and give blood and it was... fine? He assumed there have been customer-facing technological advances in bloodletting in that last two decades, but the rubber hose wrapped around his arm told him otherwise. Also, overdoing it on the squeezing and easing is preferable to the clotting and rotting (if that's even a thing, probably not). Finally, Steve's hairiness can lead a Red Cross worker to panic and improvise adhesive solutions. Not a great idea but you work with what you've got!
If you lived in a remote place growing up, chances are no one really cared if you lived or died, especially when it came to vehicular accidents. Heck, Steve's dad didn't feel like an early morning drive in the snow to get his son to soccer practice, so it was time to be a man; he learned how to drive a stick shift by himself in a snowstorm because his dad was negligent and lazy. Meanwhile, Jason's brother blew out so much bass in his truck that the genre of music didn't really matter since you couldn't make out what the hell was playing. Finally, pulling through is a Shinney trait he will gladly pass along to his children and their children's children (until cars actually fly).
When Jason's son rubs his butt on the wrong person, boy is he going to hear about it. Also, ok, so kissing is appropriate in the right context, but rubbing your butt on something is never appropriate... right? Steve expects Jason's son to murder him and usurp his family position any day now (he's 6, BTW). Finally, bringing up commas when your wife tries to teach your daughter about periods and menopause is a win for everyone!
Man, remember the days when everyone loved fartknocker? Jason and Steve remember. Also, Jason avoid teaching putdowns with his son because he doesn't want to equip him with that ammunition just yet. Finally, the guys attempt to craft the perfect, dirty putdown but come up short. It's a great time while they try, though! Oh, and doesn't dongslice feel like only Pauly Shore should say it?
Steve has been forced to leave the comfort of his wet womb (shower) and is constantly second-guessing whether or not his hair growth formula might be introduced to... areas in which he needs no follicle-enhancement. Meanwhile, watching Seinfeld helped Jason see how bad he was at showering. Finally, this podcast is helping Jason realize how developmentally stunted he was and is. Learn from his mistakes, both past and present, to have a better future!
Steve's dyslexia rears its ugly head again and leads him to believe people are giving the rivers STDs. And Jason's precocious sister once tried to increase her medical knowledge and only got more confused. Also, Jason's mom once told a customer something dirty that was surprisingly normal to everyone else in the room. Finally, Steve met a doomsday prepper who can't be bothered by electronic trivialities.
Zoom phishing scam or remote layoff notice? Time to play Jason's least favorite game! Also, you'd think working from home would help you hide a layoff from your partner, at least for a bit.
At least Jason's good work ethic at least means he won't be late for his Zoom firing. That's got to mean something, right?
Slapping your resume against the webcam seems more impactful than just sharing your Microsoft Word window.
Did you know Steve worked as a janitor? You'd be surprised how little a good resume and work experience help you get in there!
Finally, both guys admit that being pooped on kinda sucks (and yes, they're talking about kids).
Jason's buddy came over for an impromptu night of gaming and a movie but got much more than he bargained for. Also, what's worse: turd water leaking through the floor and into the ceiling fan or splishing and splashing in the fecal flood in the kid's bathroom? And just where should you spend your money: on a quality plunger or a bidet that will make everybody happy?
Jason's bosses have all been pretty cool... except for the greasy dude who was almost certainly a homophobe and maybe the one that made him feel dirty about CSS. Meanwhile, Steve's crotch-grabbing teacher gave the kids something to engage them in the classroom: betting on the day's number of Southern readjustments. Also, Steve begs Jason to name any kind of duck other than mallard but he can't be bothered to remember the types of birds he's slaughtered. Finally, metal confetti is just shrapnel, so don't throw it up in the air, regardless of the occasion.
Steve loves dogs! Dogs love Steve! At least, most dogs love Steve. But when one decides he can't be trusted, can Steve move on? Also, just how similar to a dog is Steve? Jason investigates while noting that his height is something that dogs don't seem to like. It's certainly that and no other unfavorable traits to consider!
Jason's wife had surprise triple bypass surgery and it's set up one of the craziest Julys in his lifetime. Did you know that flowers can come in fancy paper bags that hold water? WTF?!? Jason's kids leap into action to help him... when they realize that their precious electronic devices are in the damage path.
And, "I will mail you my underwear if your cooking tips result in food poisoning" is either a threat or a promise from Jason and it doesn't really matter which it is. Finally, smoke billowed from the microwave where Jason had attempted to demonstrate for his daughter how to microwave a single Bagel Bite.
Steve attracts a wide range of dental hygienists to his mouth, from the hygienist-you-wouldn't-bring-home-to-mother to the lady who mistook vinegar for maple syrup. Meanwhile, Jason loves his hygienist and can't suffer anyone else to touch his teeth. And Steve says he appreciated the dullard who comforted him during a difficult dental procedure. Finally, both guys agree that a brief questionnaire should be completed before someone is allowed to access their mouths.
Sure, Jason snickers at Steve's son's understanding of United States geography, but he also admits he was worried his Virginia-based girlfriend might be crushed by the falling towers on 9/11. Also, his own son gets a lot of facts wrong as well... or is he just learning how to gaslight others early? And experiencing randomly opened doors upstairs has Jason operating at a slightly elevated awareness level, Metal Gear Solid-style. Finally, Jason caught a loop of that moment from Three Men and a Baby on social media and the concentration of pure spoopiness probably won't let him sleep for a week.
Steve teaches us about the birds and the bees, specifically which birds are just there for your attention and won't ever really love you back. He also thinks dogs are hippies but assumed birds would behave more kindly. Jason finds out about gelding and thinks he could get into that kind of thing. It's a weird, wild episode.
Jason became a cotton candy man at his son's birthday party and it went as well as could be expected.Also, if you don't want to invite any scrutiny about how well you utilize a particular skill, don't let anyone else do it. And surprisingly, Steve's family owns a cotton candy machine but he doesn't touch it because he doesn't want to upstage his wife. Yeah... right.
Steve is the only wise man whose wisdom could get interrupted by an itchy nose. Also, his age is advancing to the point where he needs to have daily reminders to zip up before boarding the bus. That's ... concerning. Meanwhile, Jason would rather ignore and work around his failures than admit to and correct them. Finally, don't ask others what they think your flaws are because they might find some you hadn't thought of yet!
Steve can't help slapping any butt that's similar to his wife's even when he knows she's not actually around, so look out Chinese women of a certain build, hair, and coat style! Also, if breasts have cup sizes, do bottoms have bowl sizes? Curious and stupid men want to know! Meanwhile, Jason's children emulate his behavior and slap his butt FAR too aggressively for his sensitive tush to handle. Finally, Steve created a fun, shin-achingly great game to play with his daughter and no one thinks it will catch on.
Rush through these home improvement tips to create stress and hardship for everyone in your family!
- Hastily unmounting a TV from a wall... not a recommended activity!
- Arguing with your wife over whether or not you need a new TV... don't do it!
- No studs? No problem! Call your handyman and let him emasculate you in front of your wife!
- Horny neighbor? Ask him for tips on mounting your TV! You'll be amazed at the non-helpful inappropriate reply!
- Thinking about therapy? Try co-hosting a podcast instead!
Steve wants to go on ice cream adventures, naturally, and Jason prefers the same thing every time, as you'd expect. Jason believes lavender is meant for soap and candles, not ice cream, so stop making fragrances tasty; tastemakers confound Jason like a Mindfreak from Criss Angel. Finally, Steve thinks any idea is a good one until someone dies from it.
Jason's wife came back from vacation wanting him to buy new pants with the pics of another guy's butt as research. Steve thinks getting those pants will just convince her that Jason's butt really doesn't compare and she'll leave him. Jason worries that his dating practices might have really hurt some girls in the past but they almost certainly got over it nearly instantaneously. Oh, and if you have a podcast and you've done it for more than a decade but no one has ever heard it, you never had a podcast. #sorrynotsorry
Jason took his family out to the ballpark, buying them both peanuts AND Cracker Jack, neither of which they cared to get back. He also returned the massive food box he was granted access to and wants a medal or something. Oh, and when someone who is not the main performer sings harmonies to the National Anthem, please don't encourage them. Also, the guys welcome a new podcast character: CHURRO MONSTER! He saves money when necessary and only eats when his budget allows. HE'S SO ZANY! Meanwhile, Steve likes his family frugal so they eat BEFORE the game. Weirdos. And finally, Steve's dad thinks less of you for singing Sweet Caroline, and rightfully so.
Jason has never prepared a meal in his life and it shows! Meanwhile, Jason's wife is getting targeted ads for saucy products and he'd like to know why. Also, Steve's Letterboxd is basically just Mr. Skin 2.0, so don't ask him to share it with you. And finally, Jason will turn on anything that produces sound to avoid having to hear anyone (including himself) chew food. They're a couple of cool dudes, huh?
Steve treats automated car doors like the enabling blight on society that they obviously are and notices that kids must not have the respect and reverence for vehicles ferrying them to and fro and so they slam car doors like a cobra is on the inside. Jason's son does nothing half-assed, meaning that even light play on a tablet involves his whole ass being up in the air. Finally, the guys describe their favorite mid-life tantrums.
Steve makes very specific Ferngully references when talking about the paradise grotto he encountered in Hawaii. Meanwhile, Jason turned over the vacation planning to his family and now he's going to the beach over Wrestlemania weekend. Did you know that when you have a Fear Of Missing Out On Nothing (FOMOON), you're living life wrong? And finally, seriously, tell your friends that your home is now operating on sitcom rules and sit back while your life gets infinitely better.
Jason's dad tried to help fend off a tick attack by burning it from a... private place and Steve thinks he actually made it worse. Steve's bud freaked out about nothing until it turned into something and Steve once confused humans with lizards and cost a young man a healthy chunk of flesh. Burrow in and stay a while!
Jason's "friends" got the shaving cream in the face at a sleepover gag wrong and his eyesight has never been the same since. Steve and his buds watched enough Friday the 13th films to convince themselves a three-legged dog was a bad omen. And finally, did your sleepover include at least one wiener kid? If not, is it possible that YOU were the wiener kid?
Steve wants more detail out of the album covers his daughter is drawing all over the outside of their house but Jason thinks she should consider her medium of choice first. Jason carried childhood trauma from striking out at the plate all the time into adulthood and it's way worse then. Finally, if time travel were invented, Jason would use it to go back in time and make himself better at sports by... harassing his younger self? The plan needs work.
Steve went to the Home Depot needing to take care of some business, but found himself needing to take care of some BUSINESS. It was there that he determined Job (of the Bible) dealt with some terrible things, sure, but nothing like what that poor public toilet had to witness. Also, it seems like the only time Jason can time travel is when his family is waiting for him to get out of the bathroom. No report was filed or was necessary.
Podcast Update: Jason found out he's not a party POOPER, he's a party DOER! And whoops, sorry to say, but he's also a clean freak and will probably ruin any party you let him host... or maybe save it? Finally, Steve wishes ghosts left more evidence but he also loves the thrill of the chase.
Steve ate bugs for money as a youth, but you couldn't pay him ENOUGH to eat these weird-tasting, ruined insects that are crawling around today! And Jason missed out on eating bugs completely and thus, the outrage that would apparently accompany the weird flavor they now possess. He does, however, convince Steve that Rick Moranis could be the key to figuring this whole thing out and they workshop the next Honey I Shrunk movie together.
People ruin Jason's good time when they dare to come to his house after being invited to come to his house. Also, saying "bros before hos" in 2024 feels like the kind of thing you say to get cancelled. Finally, we all know that dudes aren't your muchachos until you've bro-ed out together.
Jason isn't superstitious, just easily freaked out by most everything. Steve's wife put a mirror in their bedroom and the doppelganger spirit it drowsily conjured ruined his chances of having a healthy start to 2024. Steve thinks the guys should get their mirror selves together to double our podcast output. Finally, Jason sleeps in the nude, and in bed will have food, but combining the two? That's just rude!
Jason saw Gallagher three times and yes, it gets as old as you think on repeat viewings. Have you ever seen a standup perform in a board room? Steve has and it was... official and pandering. Also, Jason once sold knives to a celebrity of a sort and thought that was his start on the climb to Comediosity. In Steve's mind, he could have been creepier about it.
Steve wants to tell the story of his no-good, very bad day but can't get out of his own way with quips and witticisms thrown at his cohost. Once he manages to focus, we find out that, while frantically searching for jumper cables to revive his depleted car battery, he was HIT BY A CAR. Now, if you want to talk about obligations, hitting someone with your car does put on the immediate hook for a favor. Also, when you have a to-do list, you'd be surprised how easily you can forget about a shattered femur until it's completed. Finally, we look at the karma of this situation and Jason doesn't like the results.
Jason is a deacon (and probably shouldn't be) because he thinks people are weird and gross. Both guys have helped the elderly in the past and they're frankly surprised that they still get asked by them to help. Finally, Jason's initial reaction to one of his congregants passing away is to deny and set up a Weekend at Bernie's situation. Wacky hijinks ensure!
What do you think it's called when you cover your buddy's head and beat them mercilessly until they escape? THAT'S A BLANKET PARTY, BABY!!! Also, Jason's finally had too much of Steve's s*** and had to flip the bird at him to stop the BS from flowing. And finally, Steve discovered that if you take the football out of football, NOW you've got a game!
Jason imagines Costco pants are super comfortable and double as a cry for help, but his hips don't lie and they're pleading him to start working out. Also, Zoom ruined meeting time poops for Steve until he realized he can fake Wi-Fi issues to do his business.
Jason became the anti-piracy guy because he's awkward around people, ok? Steve's boss nearly ruined the company with a major freakout when the FBI paid him a visit. And Jason ruins the idea of grieving the loss of a loved one with strategically placed sex toys.
Steve married a communist so he believes he deserves some important award. Unlike his car, Jason will only ever use the jet setting on his fragile, temperamental body. And Jason's wife likes to lay traps for him to loquaciously fall into but he knows better and runs the other way (marriage is fun!).
Steve flies Southwest because they try to ruin flights by winging snacks at your kids. Jason admires the people who dare to work in the service industry and have an attitude. Finally, people in general ruin flights by flying unprepared and leaving their headphones at home. Stop doing that!
Jason ruined his own Thanksgiving by wanting to have freshly-trimmed fingernails. Both Steve and Jason want to sync their podcast to their house Christmas lights to ruin the holidays for everyone. And the guys talk about how they ruin their own chances for people to discover their podcast.
Steve is weirded out when something is so beautiful he doesn't want to pee on or in it. Also, Jason attempting to hang upside down would be like the grace of a spider hanging from its web being hit by a light wind. Finally, Steve thinks airdropping through the Aurora Borealis would be the ultimate thrill... for him to pee on!
Jason attempted a mini yoink of a garden snake but his kids feared he would anger the snake gods and he relented. The guys contend that "he's halfway to Jesus" sounds like a perfectly cromulent Southern colloquialism for describing the movements of a lizard. Finally, Steve proves that growing up an Idahoan means saying things like "I had to put all of my snakes down and I was very sad" is pretty normal.
Jason relished the chance to show people his giant bone and Steve was so taken with a lady he offered her his finest battle skull. Steve also overcomplicated college by forgetting the two key things he could do at any time: read or masturbate. We also find out that Jason's got a list of Boner Jamz you should never play around him. And finally, a college sex shower (singular) shouldn't require as much planning and forethought as Jason required.
Steve took the Klondike Challenge as a kid, but his prize was chocolate chips and the dare involved self-inflicted bodily harm. Meanwhile, bananas confound us for various reasons, many of which we discuss. Finally, Jason wanted to fly like Mario but he couldn't figure out where the cape would tie on. Strangely enough, when he finally got an actual cape with his name on it, he didn't attempt flight and was content to zoom around on foot. That probably ruined it.
Steve describes at least one workout at the gym he doesn't want to do because it requires sharing the same... meatspace as another guy. Jason calling out Steve's terrible visual descriptions somehow leads a conversation about dongs on workout machines to stray ever-so briefly to the subject of accessibility. Together, the guys create a set of themed gyms they'll someday start.
Jason knows that every scary movie he watches automatically conjures the horror in his own life, ruining life in general for everyone around him during October. If the many podcasts that Jason chooses to listen to didn't force him to view movies he voluntarily watches, he'd be much less skittish that whole time. Meanwhile, Steve thinks asking a AAA video game developer to put his greatest fears into a fighting game so he can pummel them into obscurity isn't asking too much.
Steve went to one of those "only in a teen movie" high school parties and there was JELL-O WRESTLING. But it wasn't... sexy? Really? Something's wrong here...
Jason missed out on a massive outdoor co-ed mud fight because he didn't want to upset his girlfriend. Also, Steve forces Jason to relive a painful, bullying Pizza Hut-related memory for content because he thinks this is a good replacement for therapy.
Finally, the freedom of high school lunch forced us all to make decisions we either immediately or eventually regretted.
Jason proves that, if you really want to see wrestling, you'll take just about anyone along, including the gay friend who's crushing on you. He also once besmirched the good name of the king, Sir William Joel, and that earned him a trip to a secluded Murder House (TM) for sentencing (and punishment?). Finally, if so many other versions of us have died to give us power... is this as good as it gets?
Jason notes that crushing cans was a Kansas kid's pastime for those who wished to recycle. Steve discovers that smashing cans against your head is exclusively a childhood/teenaged feat and is useless after college. Together, the guys read enough magazines to obliterate ten Amazon rainforests.
Siri regularly provides comedic timing that the best stand-up comedians only wish they could craft and Jason's family just moved on to allowing "butt" and the excitement amongst the parents is palpable. Steve gave up curse words for fresh chocolate chip cookies (and friends, probably). Also, Steve accidentally texted with his dad about how the sex was going with his mom and immediately chucked that phone in a lake. Our dads probably got into exclusive clubs by telling people we were differently-abled and we don't see any shame in that game.
Jason ruined his garage door by failing to think about how and why it works. Also, people keep showing up to Jason's house and stick around until he growls enough for them to catch his drift.
Meanwhile, Steve and Jason can't remember where they were on 9/11, but they sure as heck know their whereabouts when Mike Tyson bit a man's ear off. Finally, Jason's opening a one-man show, George Foreman Calls Things George. Tickets are available starting last Friday and are already sold out.
Jason still gets poked once a year and it's always equal parts surprising and humbling. He also did the dirty deed to access a locked bathroom stall, only to find his hard work was all for nothing... well, not NOTHING. Finally, Steve finds his consideration of janitorial staff when deciding where to ralph to be a spy-like trait, Jason... not so much.
Jason teaching his son how to shower went great... until it didn't. Meanwhile, Steve thinks showering with a partner is a great time and Jason wishes that were the case, but history has yet to bare that out. Finally, Steve showered with dudes and cultural differences made it more tense than usual.
Jason thinks a little boner during a massage is fine while Steve trusted his kids to help fix his back. However, Jason knows that where two children are gathered, one of them must act like a demonic hellspawn and should be treated as such.
(Apologies for the audio, we'll work on it for next time.)
Jason's son unlocked the world when he learned to write "pee pee" while Steve thinks his friendship with Jason has saved both their marriages and he might not be wrong. Also, the guys agree that Jason's biggest drawback (and greatest strength?) is that he needs to get real problems.
Jason's no doctor, but he knows that something happens to your bladder when you fly that makes you pee more often and that's just science. Also, his son is so excited about peeing standing up, he takes his pants down WELL before he gets to the bathroom... let's just call that a work-in-progress. And finally, Jason thought on his feet (which is impressive considering he wasn't allowed to stand) and helped his son join the Peed In a Container Mile High Club. Now, the offending water bottle now has to be disposed of before Jason's son tells someone about it. He likes to talk.
The lack of impulse control demonstrated by Jason's daughter has him wondering if he can take advantage of one of those "drop off your kid if you can't handle them yourself" boxes. She also refuses to use a more efficient method of communicating with a small set of friends that Google Docs, which is the greater sin in Steve's eyes. Meanwhile, his daughter hoards food, possibly to feed them through the harsh winter to come?
So many entities now have podcasts, many of which are just vanity projects... is the quality of this show still acceptable? And why should we pay a producer for this show when we can make you think we pay a producer for this show? And how many knobs does it take to run an award-winning podcast?
Jason starts us out on a high note with the best name for a segment we've ever had on the show. Then Steve talks about how while he doesn't want to be a furry, he wants to find his furry. Then Jason talks about why he doesn't have friends or go to the doctor. Finally explains why you should go to the doctor, just make sure they cut their fingernails first.
Jason and his wife criticize each other's lounging pants for fun while the ghost of Jason's once-perky butt haunts him to this day. Steve thinks Bob Saget probably had a very unremarkable butt. Also, Jason understands that men assume their tugs and adjustments are secret, but everyone knows... and Steve with his big black coat was no different.
The guys support all those striking for fair wages and treatment, but there ain't nobody acting or writing in this silly podcast, so the show must go on!
Watches and warnings are never more prescient than when the conditions are favorable for unintended intestinal movements. Jason's old work friends were close, but not "let's discuss our poop" close. Also, when your stomach is already in a questionable state, the quad-freezer burrito lunch is a bad bet.
Steve spent a weekend camping between the bathrooms and the crab trash cans, right where you wanna be. Jason constantly gives himself reminders that his little victories are just the bare minimum and he deserves no reward.
And finally, let's talk about Threads, the hot new app from the makers of Instagram and Facebook! And Bluesky (Blue Sky? BlueSky? Blooskie?)! They're all run by morally questionable human beings, so jump in and have fun wherever!
Some fat kids own their look and make it work and to those tubbies, we salute you. Jason couldn't make skinny kid work for him and he's finding it even harder being a tweener (between skinny and a gut that won't quit). The guys also think maybe their combativeness kept people from enjoying their webcomics criticisms in large numbers. Finally, Jason's middle school choir director took a day off to let he and his classmates round up the best movie myths to show him. Sound off in this week's poll to tell us your favorite movie myth!
Steve's grandma passed away and Jason can't wait to compare her unfiltered comments to pro wrestling. Also, both guys are hoping to live long enough to get their "say whatever you want, you're just old and senile" card. Finally, is there a such thing as a good pervert? The boys file their report.
Steve proves that being a parent of a little leaguer is all about location, location, location when it comes to parking while Jason's brother targeted his junk via baseball and executed a near-hit. Jason also believes the pitcher has one job and that's it and the guys agree that, when it comes to property damage, kids only have the worst ideas on how to fix it.
Steve and his family once witnessed a man hitting a Burger King with his car (no, it wasn't THE Burger King) while Jason plans on giving Randy Quaid's son his big break in his next (first) film. Also, who do you think deserves more credit: John Henry or Jason? Leave your comments below!
Jason hunted a teeny lizard in his new house and now wants a medal or something while his lieutenant in the operation was capable, if not skittish and easily discouraged (i.e. his daughter). Also, Steve saved his roommate from a cockroach wearing nothing but a towel and narrowly avoided ruining the moment thanks to the previous night's dining choices. It's a wet and wild one this week!
Jason finally tried peeing in the shower and... it was... a whole thing. He's not sure he likes the person he's becoming. Just listen and enjoy the unraveling.
Steve is far too melodramatic about his nose hairs, but to be fair, it does sound pretty annoying to have that many. However, thanks to a massive fireball that took out all of them, he's literally playing with fire to keep it that way. Meanwhile, Jason has problem with the logistics of the ending to the summer blockbuster movie, Independence Day. Finally, a Chinese custom about sneezing has Steve's kids believing he's basically a god.
Jason contradicts the whole "we fall down so we pick ourselves back up" thing but he can't wait to get EXTREME... ly into a nice video game or YouTube video, preferably indoors. Meanwhile, Steve once hit the balls AND the chode at the same time, and that's just not something you ever come back from. Finally, the guys agree that a BM is a bunch of BS. Oh, and make a time travel plan. You never know when it might come in handy!
Jason ruminates on the idea of firmware for children, and how that would explain them slowing down and failing more often as time goes on. Also, his childlike mindset provides priorities that make no sense to his wife, an adult woman. Finally, easy wins are literally the only lane that Jason traffics in when it comes to preparing a house for sale and his laziness plants the seed for a door-to-door vasectomy business the guys may someday start.
Steve saw a man peeing on a bank and that man saw Steve seeing him peeing on a bank, and Jason would be terrified to be caught peeing in public, but if it were a bank, would he become a hero, the leader of a movement? Also, the guys agree that, once you've gone inside, you must find a bathroom or else the social contract is broken. Also, DON'T PEE ON THINGS PEOPLE KISS.
Jason sacrificed $100 a year to get this new house, so don't talk to him about sacrifice. Also, PayPal purchases for a new house are dangerous, both financially and for Jason's heart health. Finally, Steve assumed the charge on his card with a hat... until it wasn't. Our new real-life mystery podcast begins here! (And is solved in the same episode, sorry about the pacing issue.)
Ever seen something cool come out of a time capsule? Get why we think they're pointless? Also, Jason's hoop dreams were ruined when his pumpable shoes did nothing to lift either his spirits or his skill and Steve's class ruined a time capsule by putting it off then just shoving some trash in just before burial. Finally, did you know kids could ruin Rambo (RAMBO!) by describing it to each other?
All you singles and those without children, enjoy this episode and your jet skis, because we're talking about parenting! Jason would rather not hear about Steve's butt hair and would love to stop ruining his daughter's need for privacy if she would just stop casually hiding all the time. Jason's first on-the-job sex education involved very obvious, incriminating, painful hickeys and the guys agree that the early sex ed videos really inflate a young man's ego.
Mrs. Shinney tries to ruin crabbing because they're not enough, she needs MORE. Steve ruins crabbing with a bit of strain combined with some sand lodged in places convincing him he soiled himself. And Jason ruins clams by insisting they're always fried and he's quite alright with that, thank you very much.
Also, yes, geoduck sounds like a Pokemon, and yes, you should totally Google it.
Too much electronic juice on the eyeballs ruins life for both Jason and Steve's kids. Also, Jason's kids are bad at lying and that's... a bad thing? Finally, one of the stupidest things Steve has ever said was, "Tonight, I can't play Zelda, because I'm working on my screenplay."
Steve can't replace his wife, so he decides his phone will have to do and he's also taking pictures of... things in the bathroom? Don't worry, we talk about that as well as his position on Street Fighter sex appeal and whether or not the fandom should require hand checks. Finally, Jason questions Steve's impersonations of problematic celebrities.
Father and son of the Shinney tribe went through existential crises recently, but Jason finally had a Double Down so guess what they spend their time talking about? Also, Steve points out that eating anything family-style in a car is an original recipe for a disaster.
The guys agree that makin' married whoopie takes commitment and planning. Jason says it's all too taboo, but Steve thinks he shares TMI. Steve also knew ahead of everyone else that Forrest Gump wasn't that great so he skipped it while his daughter tries to inform people about the illuminati through 50-year-old dance trends. It's an eye-opening episode!
Jason wants to impulse buy a house, but luckily there are adults in the room and Steve thinks he should just pull into the drive thru and order his McMansion. Steve is also set on making his family into ghosts because they'd be so much easier to deal with, so maybe don't trust his advice.
Steve attempted the easiest of climbs and failed with a flatulent panache and Jason's children's minister pointed out that everyone farts, which led to everyone farting. Also, Jason and his buddy ruined yoga class with their relaxed farts (but they also know that everyone else was doing it, too).
Jason got this show censored on TikTok and it was actually totally Steve's fault (for an actually dumb reason) and Steve got censored in high school for lazy wordplay. Also, the guys remember when Jason ruined an aspiring cartoonist's life with his criticism and found his life's calling in the process.
Steve thinks a minotaur got hit by a car in Florida and Jason has a hard time convincing him otherwise, while Jason thinks a Narnia-like portal in Florida is what causes all the craziness and... ya know, Florida things. Also, is it possible that Jason's boring Kansan upbringing ruins witnessing anything fantastical in this world? And finally, Steve's wife ruined The Lone Ranger for Steve by failing her casting call.
Steve ruins stick shifts by thinking that knowledge is like bike riding while Jason spent his Thursday nights in college surrounded by local pizza and SmackDown. Steve's buddy's dad ruined the sounds of a car engine for all of us and the guys remember a time when a bad internet connection could ruin a relationship.
Steve ruined showering for his buddies by leaving body hairs on the communal soap and Jason ruins poofs for men by refusing to use their proper name. Finally, Steve ruins skin care by jumping straight to a pumice stone for his entire body.
Jason ruined his wife's Zoom call and he was NOT happy about it, but things got better later when she brought it up again. Steve ruins this very podcast, the one about ruining things, by actually having a really good idea for a relationship app about sleeping it off.
Steve tried to ruin porn for his son by talking with him about it, and then he and his wife conspired to cover up the tasteful nudes on their cruise ship. It's shameful, really. Meanwhile, Jason's parents ruined wildlife by only letting him have the green box, and he ruins podcast PR but having literally no interest in his own podcasts. WOOOOOOOO!
Jason's son ruins farting by blaming others with zero consequence (that's what he wants to do!), Steve's son ruins The Simpsons by watching it categorically, not chronologically, and Jason's family ruins the manic fun of Hungry Hungry Hippos by being just so much better than him at it.
In the season premiere of Then You Ruined It, Steve ruins comfortable beds by seeking out some good old fashioned spooning while Jason ruins all sleep with an imaginary protective field around his bed that will lead to inevitable supernatural attacks if breached. Together, the guys ponder Mr. Fantastic's bedtime bathroom routine and agree that both skiwampus and cattywampus are dumb words.
Jason ruins the wholesome modern Christmas classic song, The Christmas Shoes. Observations include:
- Thinking the song is actually sung as a parody by Parker/Stone is the most perfect summation of the song ever
- All contemporary Christian band lead singers sound the exact same, come fight us
- A song that should make you feel for the child lead instead turns him/them into a zombie choir
- Rather than pray for the boy, the protagonist makes it all about him
- TCS ruins rhyme schemes for Steve, and that's the most unforgiveable part
- A Bible would be a much better accessory for his mom to take to her eventual Jesus meeting than brand new shoes
Steve ruins Santa Baby because he has never heard Eartha Kitt sing the original version, observing...
- Assuming it's only ever about pedophilia and child porn, Steve is appalled with this great Christmas classic
- Jason thinks using your sexiness and feminine wiles to goad a horny man into buying you a bunch of expensive shit you don't need is great, no notes
Jason's poop complicates the vacay, Steve's wish for toilet paper will not be granted, not even in the Magic Kingdom, and together the guys would be thrilled to put Patrick Warburton betwixt their rosy cheeks.
Jason can't stand your loud chewing and lip smacking and will passive-aggressively drown you out with whatever volume control is handy while Steve calls Jason on his hypocrisy and shames his own oral aural foibles. Steve also has a terrible idea to try out and thinks his scientific reasoning will beat Jason's emotional responses.
Alligators (could) ruin Steve's Airbnb by body slamming the windows open while Jason ruins the magic of Disney by assuming its "magic" would just keep the gators at bay. Steve also ruins the House of Mouse in so many ways, including demystifying the hotels and forcing his kids to wait and order their gift shop toys online when they get home. Finally, Jason admits that his amazing, memorable finds at the Disney Store are now completely forgotten.
Jason ruined poop-watching a flick with temporary leg paralysis and Steve's friend's dad ruined pooping entirely with false medical statements. Together, the guys dream of a poop so bad, you have to go to a confessional afterwards.
Steve's son rightfully asked what else that big, beautiful glacier can do, Mardi Gras is ruined by Jason's youthfulness, and Steve's dad ruined a lame vacation by taking away the hacky sack. It's a vacay bummer, but it's also here for your amusement, so enjoy!
Steve laments the lack of llamas in Jason's life, while Jason is sad (not sad) about it. An innocent woman had her day (life?) ruined when she was covered in llamit (llama vomit), all because Steve can't be gentle with the animals. Finally, Jason writes a cute little jingle you'll be singing for days.
Steve's phone hears him speaking Chinese and serves him ads to compliment his bilingual lifestyle, while both guys just wish someone would pay them to talk about their balls. Steve's Chinese mother-in-law once had photos taken that are apparently used pretty widely across social media, and Jason would rather you talk about his expensive phone than his rather nice, tall hair.
Steve nearly ruins the show with a simple misunderstanding, but Jason sets things straight rather quickly. After that, Steve tried to push a semi truck out of the mud with his teenaged friends, while Jason's dad just wanted a nice little plot of land to shoot some ducks on. Finally, Steve contemplates his goat heritage, while Jason thinks he's just a bit sheepish.
The guys agree that there are few greater shared thrills that pinning your hopes and dreams on a group of people you've never met in real life and probably never will, attempting to do a thing you never possibly could yourself. Sports are so crazy, Steve got so worked up at a Mariners game, he hated the SCOREKEEPER. Yeah, THAT poor person! And Jason knows true sadness now that he's been denied a soggy taco a baserunner earned for him.
Hey, don't miss your free throws. They're free! It's right in the name! Free points! Don't miss them!
Jason is tired of God ruining his life by helping him and wants to know if the final scene of his movie will be the warehouse from Raiders of the Lost Ark but the boxes are full of McRibs. Steve thinks he's being Impractically Joked at because people think they might have seen him once before, somewhere.
When a kid on the youth baseball team you coach has bullets, YOU MAKE THE CALL. Also, Jason recalls having unfettered access to shotguns and more as a child and not really giving it a second thought. And since bullets are made to travel quickly and efficiently through the air, how do they fare in the human digestive system? Steve files his report in this episode of Then You Ruined It!
Podcast album artwork by Your Seventh Inning Scorecaller, Jason Sigler
When it comes to wild animals, the guys agree that "safaris" are great fun until mortal danger is introduced. And just why is Steve known as THE MONKEY KING in China? Finally, does Jason's hairstyle get him in trouble with the more flamboyant birds? All of this and more in the latest buffalo (bison?)-sized episode of Then You Ruined It!
Original episode artwork by The Monkey King himself, Steve Shinney
Podcast album artwork by The Cock of the Walk, Jason Sigler
SPORTSCAST! Steve raise ire and encourages theft with his sportswear, while Jason wishes his shoes weren't so damn cool. SPORTS! Jason stole his idea to satisfy people with problematic ideas with podcasts that never actually broadcast from The Big Bang Theory and here's a pro tip: plaid button-ups say "don't ask me about my sports opinions." SPORTS? Finally, the guys think kids should get out of uncomfortable conversations be removing their clothing. NOT SPORTS! POSSIBLY A CRIME!
Jason's wife nearly ruined their trip when time zones temporarily confused her, Steve ruins all car trips by declaring they are dictatorships, and Jason learns just how often Steve finds himself over-beveraged.
Jason ruined a trip to the homeland when he discovered himself discovering himself when he tried to discover himself. Also, men's feet usually ruin everything, so don't draw attention to them, please. Finally, Jason ruined sandals for everyone back in the 90's.
Jason ruins being social with his desire to have access to human skulls. Steve mentions he's not planning on doing anything with his (so long as Jason's junk isn't involved) and Zooey Deschanel's sister gets mixed up in the ensuing adventure. It's a can't miss episode.
Steve tries to sell Jason on cruises again, this time with a new deplorable cast of weirdos and degenerates like the Uber Driver who don't get how drive car, the Topless Topper who appears to be able to control her breasts to avoid or engage in social situations, and the functionally-orphaned kid who wants the pool to himself again and will talk about anything to make that happen. Inevitably, it all just comes around to him once again ruining it for Jason.
Steve worked himself into a shoot and nearly ruined a wrestling show by pooping his pants out of kayfabe, while Jason is more concerned with how high the ceilings were. Meanwhile, a rambunctious architect ruined his chances of building anything ever again due to a likely inconsequential beef.
Jason rarely speaks up but with all the speaking he and Steve do, that's hard to believe. Both guys agree that nachos in a novelty baseball helmet ruin absolutely nothing, and Steve and his son thought it was Taco Time, but no, that time was long past.
Grab your popcorn, because HOME SHARING REVIEW BOMB FIGHTS is on! VRBO knows you smoked so much ganja that you conjured the baby you don't have who was then hit by a falling screen door that never actually fell. Also, Steve review bombed a family-owned restaurant that was clearly trying its best and refuses to go back and see if he put them out of business for good.
Steve idolizes his dad and his fly-hunting technique which, not gonna lie, is kind of amazing. Seriously, have you ever seen someone shoot that sucker down, midflight? WITH A RUBBER BAND? MAN! Oh, and Jason uses a shoe on his hands like a confused Mickey Mouse and broke a window once.
In this hilarious look back at some previous episodes of this very podcast, we're reminded that Steve hates robots, his parents rolled the Jimmy and NEVER TOLD HIM, he proposed a surprisingly acceptable medical theory, he was reminded of Jason's nude sleeping ways thanks to him talking about Dorito dust in the sheets, and regaled us with stories about a Utah-appropriate sex shop?
Yep, when you're the guy who edits the show, everything's coming up Steve!
It's a gross out episode! Steve thinks workplace pranks are the coolest and that making someone huke (sp?) is the epitome of physical comedy. Jason probably drank paint thinner and is probably fine now.
Steve tries to ruin Starter jackets for Jason but that's simply not possible, Jason's brother ruined his stuff when it got stolen (or sold them for drug/beer money), and Steve thinks Jason's dad kept the wheels of justice greased for his sons with his plumbing skills.
Jason ruins a pivotal moment in Steve's cultural development by trying to make it sexual (it was not), then Steve ruins Jason's college friendships were based entirely on pity (they were not) and then they both ruin Chinese culinary implements by discussing whether or not chopsticks fold (they do not).
Steve ruins the Bob's Burgers Movie (SPOILERS, if you think that movie can be spoiled), kids ruin their parents lives when they say the darnedest things, and Jason had Star Wars ruined for him when Lucas' rereleases dared to exist.
Jason's creaky floors spoil his light infidelities and ruin any midnight snacks, Steve nearly murdered a bunkmate while trying to be courteous, and both guys are lucky to have partners who can stand their presence for more than half an hour.
Steve ruined comedy and debate in tandem with his repurposed comedy bits in high school, Jason ruined forensics (not the CSI kind) and the Princess Bride by breaking his girlfriend's foot, and Steve actually saved his classmates from seeing his chubbiness in a bikini by welching on a bet. Call it a win?
Jason ruins farts but also basically life for his partner who is not impressed, the guys imagine a world where mates are won and lost via bird mating dance-like faceoffs, and Steve or Jason ruin the idea of creating your own sport, depending on your love of rules.
Steve believes it's his duty as a loving father to make clearing the crap choking the toilet to death a fun, memorable activity for his kids, while Jason understands that if you don't get real about it, you'll be really sorry. Also, the guys maybe hit on a medical breakthrough regarding age and the shape of the human sphincter.
Jason's partner and daughter conspire to ruin pants for him, Steve ruined life for a drug user just looking to offload some swag, and Jason ruins Steve's spot-on analysis by disagreeing with it.
Jason's 3rd grade fling was over when he ruined it with his state-ist views and bro-friendly material. Steve thought his partner would enjoy a "good" dead baby joke. Ask their spouses, things have not improved.
Steve's friend ruined Harry Potter for someone and got what he deserved. If you tell someone a beating is coming if they cross you, you're not being mean, you're teaching them integrity.
Steve's day (and chili) was ruined when he lost his chili mojo, Jason's chili was ruined when it was consumed before he could say goodbye, and movies can be ruined when the guy who makes the chili cheese fries is late. Don't ever be that guy (or us, really).
Steve ruined a nice, peaceful day on Snake River for pretty much everyone and thinks that blunt-force cranial trauma makes for a good, fun time. Jason ruins everything when he would rather not be on the water, thank you very much.
Steve ruins white trashhood by claiming but not being able to prove it, Jason ruins hot tubs and beers by enjoying them at the ballpark, and both guys agree on the best method to find the rich people at a sporting event.
Steve ruins invisible people sleepwalking into your bed, Jason argues that Ghostbusters 2 ruined ghostbusting for the Ghostbusters, and Steve returns to ruin car rides with his lethally-detestable jokes.
Jason had his night ruined by some invading dogs, Steve ruins the concept of doggy playdates, and both guys ruin polar bears (while also giving them a decent place to live).
Steve tries to ruin Dolly Parton for all of us, but her powers are stronger than that, everyone tried to ruin Elvira for Jason but his body hadn't matured yet, and both guys ruin lewd gestures for homeless roustabouts.
Jason ruins his family's day with stupid ideas and dangerous pratfalls while Steve ruins a girl's decolletage with his bee mind powers.
Jason ruins hills, as he thinks they are only good for dying on. Steve tells a tale of college years gone by, wherein he ruins satire by attempting it, early Internet times with his first pro-Transformers flame war, and possibly his own life, for which he would like 1,000 Bay Bucks. He also probably ruined the Transformers franchise.
Steve and Jason have their race identity ruined by an eight-year-old, Jason ruins the family budget to afford just one more Kirby game and also think osmosis is a valid method of learning a trade.
Sure, a digital doctor is a cool idea until you realize that can't really do anything for you. Jason ruins Steve's pretension by just being a loathsome, hateable human being, while Dr. Steve ruins life for everyone with fluids.
Wordle has hit Steve and his family right in their love sack, while Jason plays along with his kids so long as they do EXACTLY WHAT HE TELLS THEM TO DO. Both guys lament the arrival of Rock Band being just a few years shy of the families they desperately needed to field a band with.
Steve nearly ruined the life of a swimsuit model-turned-professor with his front page news while Jason ruins Clark Kent by suggesting he learn Photoshop. Also, Steve reminisces about his favorite porn shop back in Utah.
Steve's parents ruin love and honesty for him when they fail to relay important family updates to him. Jason wants a chance to ruin Japan before he dies and also avoids ruining Skype calls with his mom by leaving out the chance for bummers. Finally, Jason ruins the podcast by forcing Steve to get back to the Jimmy.
Steve's "uncle" ruins China for him, while China ruins sleep for his baby. Meanwhile, Jason had his sleep ruined by svelte, tight, handsome European boy toys and while he owns a backpack, he has never actually been backpackING.
Jason ruins sex ed when his wife is sex-ed, but is also concerned he's ruined his daughter in an attempt to create a human Pokedex. Meanwhile, Steve worries that Washington state is too smart for him.
To welcome 2022, we're looking back at the various things we ruined in the first year of this fledgling podcast, including lakes with our pee, nudity in the water in general, gymnastics routines (thanks, Jason), dances for handicapped people, nudist resorts, and wearing your kid's clothes.
Here's to ruining a brand new year!
Steve ruins the office for Jason by informing him that he is the office mooch. Everyone ruins donuts for Jason by cutting them in half. And Steve and his son have zebras ruined for them because it's truly what they deserve.
Steve and his daughter ruin the lives of some fine American robots for a few laughs. Steve also ruins Jason's reputation by comparing him to Facebook. And Jason ruins his algorithm by daring to buy something off of Instagram.
Jason reveals why his distaste for dumb people has found him few friends while Steve is happy to welcome them, even introducing new sign language to a sometimes divided crowd. Jason then ruins sex for everyone by describing how he gets it (and no, it doesn't involve white supremacy) while Steve ruins his chances of ever being a real somebody.
Steve thinks highly of his role as a volunteer coach, but Jason ruins that perspective for him. Zip ties ruin a feeling of security by clipping off the dangly bits. Both guys ruin one another's names, though Steve comes out all the better for it.
Jason is thrilled that Steve finally got his own tornado, but the experience was less than death-defying and thus. ruined. Both guys are thankful, however, that their families were never forced to raise and then sacrifice their dinners. Stay tuned after the outro to see what Jason really thinks about Steve's dad jokes (hint: they ruin things).
Jason got a cult-like hard sell from a friend of a friend and it almost ruined meatloaf for him. Steve ruined exorcisms by performing one, despite having no training or ability to do so.
Steve attempts to ruin good, sweet sauces for Jason, but the thickest of dripping dips cannot be sullied with his flimsy meddling! Leave it to Steve's friend to do that. Also, does Winger sound like weiner? A Then You Ruined It investigation.
Jason's neighbors ruin Halloween for his sweet, delicate mind and the guys ruin Dracula for anyone who ever had a kink for such things. Oh, and Jason ruins Steve's plans to murder a lot of people (j/k, but he keeps him on the phone for a trace, just in case).
Steve and yet another Dude House (TM) ruined getting Internet put in and Jason ruins that with, just, so many questions.
Both Jason and Steve ruin nudist resorts with so many questions: sure, the resort is nude, but where does the nudity start? The airport? The ride to the resort? Check-in? Is the staff nude? Are they ... strategically nude?
Also, if you start a bucket list just to get nude content on there, you're a pervert and we wish you the best of luck.
Adam Sandler has a new character to try out and it's a real throwback! Also, Jason ruins peeing in the shower AGAIN, this time blaming it on his targeting computer. Finally, Steve disagrees with Jason's stance on nudist bathroom habits and Steve's wife has had enough with these filthy standers.
Steve's family's tent touched butts with another family's tent and now it's weird. Also, Steve's wife might be trying to tell him something about ... kayak size. Finally, Jason once built a tent out of sticks and a sheet, ruining camping for everyone involved.
Steve somehow manages to ruin weird body abominations, home improvement (not the show, Tim Allen did that in recent years), tetanus shots, pergola ownership, and solo meth use, all in one episode.
Steve ruins cool robots with the beginning of the (delivery) robot wars, going down right now in a suburb of Seattle. Jason believes his town ruins walking by taking away sidewalks.
WARNING: EXPLICIT LANGUAGE! Steve and Jason's wives ruin things for once and they're more than happy to be the hero for the first time ever. The etymology for a scatalogical flinging phrase is also discussed.
Steve's wife ruins the childhood dream of getting a dog while Steve's mom ruins his life with a simple, solitary, well-intentioned statement.
Chinese families ruin Steve's dinner with heckling, while Steve a teenage date by smoothly thumbing her in the eye. Finally, Steve ruined soccer for one kid who probably loved butt slaps.
Steve's son ruins the gym for 18-year-old girls while Steve ruins his son's pants, causing irreparable, psychological damage. Jason ruined fitness for his daughter by forgetting about it completely.
Jason ruined vacationing, aligning himself with the wrong Medieval Times champion and cooking his family a nice helping of spite before getting Taco Bell for him and him alone. However, after staying in a nearby suburb for nearly a week, he won't stand for Steve's besmirching of the good name of Baltimore.
Steve ruined vacation as his nephew got his butt unplugged and is convinced the mesh they used in his hernia operation is really just chicken wire. Jason ruined his daughter's health by using the wrong thermometer. Yes, that one. Yuck.
Steve's son got beanbagged in the beanbags and Jason wants a full, Zapruder film-like investigation to determine intent, while Jason's son ruins every morning with his surgical strikes on his dad's sensitive area. Also, Steve ruined his school newspaper with his sophomoric games.
Jason ruins fireworks for those who love fireworks, but then Steve encounters a man, nay, a legend who just wants to celebrate independence with a headache-inducing fireworks display, and ruins them again.
Jason has decided to join the rest of the gaming populace (roughly 394% of the population of Earth) in obtaining a PlayStation 5 and ... it's not going well. His suffering is your entertainment as he ruins his family's life in the pursuit of happiness in a ridiculous looking white plastic box.
Jonathan Coulton ruined a work relationship for Steve (don't worry, it was actually Steve's fault, Jonathan is still fine ... right? Has he been canceled? Oh snap, he got canceled, didn't he?) and Jason ruined college for a gay friend who was just being friendly and awkward.
Steve ruined a bust for Australia's keystone finest, Jason attempted to ruin a pumpkin grower's day, and together the guys recount their respective felonies will being thankful no one actually listens to this podcast.
Steve's wife ruins bald eagles for his family, Steve ruins Twitter for everyone that doesn't gush about birds, and Jason ruins an early No Doubt classic.
Jason ruins the pool for his daughter, but maybe saves the bathroom for Steve and all the rest of us? Steve ruins his son's life with his family's pee jugs and then turns his attention to Jason as he attempts to saddle him with a sex offendership.
Steve's uncle tries to ruin pools and the summer in general for the kids, but they love it all anyways (stupid kids) and Jason ruins the bed with his naked cake-eating ways (not really, but if he wanted to, he could, because HE DESERVES IT).
Steve ruins Idaho (again), time travel, and hooky bobbing (whatever the heck that is) and Jason ruins Sinbad for Kansans and Kansas sympathizers. And yes, Colorado should get over itself.
All squats are ruined with farts, it's just science. Kids emulating their sports heroes typically ruin it for everyone else, Steve ruins sports by offering his son the wrong motivations and Jason's love for gear was satiated by baseball.
Two presidential administrations sent Steve's family food care packages, guess which one ruined Taco Bell beef in the process? Also, Jason's parents ruined a visit by sending ahead their own steaks and Steve's mom ruined her daughter's wedding, the same wedding where Jewish people were unwittingly disrespected. It was pretty epic.
Jason ruined his college career over a stupid parking spot and Steve ruins the Scarlet Letter and a random night for a bored Kansan state patrolman, who believes that idiots from Idaho are like manna from heaven.
Jason ruins painting and the environment while Steve ruins murals featuring ducks and male genitalia.
Jason ruins eating unless the situation is just right and Neil deGrasse Tyson (if he wasn't already marked on your bingo card).
Steve ruins both plates and bowls simultaneously, rats ruin Steve's prized blate (no, that's not a typo), and Steve's dad ruins his chances of having a girlfriend as a youth.
Jason ruins the trip to school with his earbuds that make the kids magically disappear, as well as casual trips to get fast food by forgetting his mask. Steve ruins his wife's love for talking with him and Jason's happy marriage with the promise of a betrothed who loves Taco Bell.
Steve ruins our chances of having a new episode by vacationing with his family, so we present our first clip show! Sophomores ruin their comprehension of the human digestive system, the Bloods and the Crips ruin the woods of Idaho, teens ruin sumo, and adults ruin life for misunderstood youth. It's all very funny, I assure you.
Steve ruins movie night for his daughter, along with otherwise wholesome movies like Ratatouille and The Little Mermaid, while Jason ruins his daughter's chances of ever getting out of bed before morning again.
Steve ruins walking by mirrors for his wife and high school for his abnormally bootylicious crew. Jason ruins musclegazing for his wife and life in general for the pretty girls in high school and college.
Steve ruins a Foods of the World Buffet and his wife forces him to do a Taco Bell walk of shame. Jason had bananas ruined for him while garlic just straight ruins him.
(WARNING: NSFW) Jason ruins The Big Hurt with surprise genitalia mentions and press conferences, probably (don't know, never been). Steve ruins all manner of patties (burger, square, Peppermint) and Big Judd's chances of killing all the college-aged kids in town with heart disease.
Steve ruins driving stick and the dream of having truck dogs while Jason ruins his dad's unconditional love and the end of the podcast.
Jason ruins dental care as his has always been exemplary and that makes Steve want to punch his teeth out. Steve's father-in-law ruined their first trip together when he confused trains with buses.
Jason ruins HeroQuest because he had no friends to play with and thus tried to teach his mom how to play. Steve's kids ruin several things, including "bow-chicka-WOW-WOW", LEGO, and vaginas. Steve also tries to ruin the Beauxbatons girls from Harry Potter, but you can't ruin perfection.
Jason ruins basketball for everyone unfortunate enough to play with him while Steve ruins dance circles for the physically-challenged.
Steve ruins leaving the milk out, TGIF comedies, and TPing a friend's house. Jason doesn't let him get away with it, though.
In this episode, Jason ruins scatting (if that's even possible), the blurred line between clinical nudity and sexy nudity, and walls, while Steve ruins mother-in-laws and his bathroom.
In this festive episode, the guys ruin Santa, Christmas, and pasta. Steve also ruins Jason's audio, probably out of spite.
Steve ruins playtime with Jason and his son while Jason ruins the term 'anal retentive' for everyone.
As the guys settle on their new podcast purpose, Jason gets weird about his obvious love for Outback Steakhouse while Steve recognizes his wussier traits as factors of an outside nature. Also, Steve ruins Jason being a sweet, funny dad to his preschool-aged son.