EXORCISM EARTH: Recent Episodes
817-264-3468
Satan’s blatant control of the progressive left. Conservative media ignores it, I blow it up. Truth!
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“Okay let’s wrap season one with one simple takeaway…”
“We want peace? Then there has to be order to the disorder.”
“Our crazy ego's are grand, and they’re high - but not exalted, and can not be ruler!”
“He sent His Son here to free us from this hair-brained thinking!”
“We're NOT the authors of life...so let's stop tryin’ to run it for others.”
“We're the boss over nothing; not the general manager of the universe!”
“Ho ho…what a surprise!”
“When ego dies, chaos dies.”
“Rest and relaxation at last…”
“My friends, let's celebrate the emancipation shall we?”
“Ahhh…a little strong but good! “
“Thank you everyone, thank you!”
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Conceived, written and performed by RAT SKATES
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“The Evil One LAUGHS at how he gets us to confuse forgiveness with responsibility.”
“Forgiveness doesn’t mean we sit by and watch others get hurt!”
“Otherwise WE are responsible for allowing it…simple as that.”
“Okay, this is last call; its bottom of the ninth, full count, bases loaded and they're battin’ lefty.”
“But it IS written: “we know not the day, nor the hour.”
“But sure looks like tomorrow don’t it?”
“Yeah, the games already over; it has been won.”
“The Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler has two questions that EVERYONE must answer for if they want to get upstairs…”
“If you answer yes to number one, you can go on to number two.”
“One: did you forgive what is wrong?”
“Two: did you stand for what is right?”
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“I don’t know…lot of Raccoons come to the lodge meeting every Sunday but still cant get it.”
“The pelt don’t mean nothin’ unless it’s parked on an apparatus of integrity.”
“Don’t think because we walk down the street sportin’ a pelt, everybody says “oh look at him he's a friendly Raccoon…what a fine man!”
“And then we go turn the corner and we’re snoopin’ around in other people’s garbage cans.”
“This lodge belongs to the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler…NOT US!”
“He expects us to maintain the lodge, not change it so we're comfy!”
“So lets' ask ourselves: what do we care about:”
“Upholding the integrity of the lodge, or only the convention?”
“The brotherhood of the pelt, or free burial in Bismarck North Dakota?”
“Why are we concerned whether the Canarsie style of mambo is more authentic than the Weehawken style?
“The hip action is all that matters!”
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“Brothers, this war may take many years and cost thousands of lives…”
“And here in Faber - the lodge - is where the sneak's gonna try to do his dirtiest by twisting the words of the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler.”
“They’re gonna make up their own thing up like:”
“Love is love…”
“Is that so...is that so?”
“Drag queens invading the kindergarten because they LOVE to expose himself to children?1”
“Two men smoochin’ on TV in front of our kids? What was wrong with the closet? Ya gotta invade our living rooms?”
“Hurting children…THAT’S what they love…”
“Is HE gonna love to belt them one…”
“They’re never gonna end up upstairs.”
“And if they don’t end up in the furnace, even worse, they may end up sentenced to Alice's mother’s apartment with her for all eternity!”
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“These Globalist snakes have been sneaking into the lodge for years and years pretending to be loyal Raccoons, pretending to be devoted to the majesty of the pelt.”
“We bought into their act…we even made some of them top brass.”
“Nosey…snoopin’ around, trying to shut us down.”
“Tax audit on the winner of the three-legged race.”
“One of them even snuck into this apartment disguised as Mrs. Gallagher’s cat!”
“They took over the fishing trip; tomorrow it’ll be the pool room and the bowling alley.”
“So, we will now take action.”
“By the power afforded to us in article 47 of the treaty of the International Order of the Republic of Friendly Raccoons, effective immediately we are fully ratifying the following amendment.”
“Here is the official document, and I quote:”
"EVERY TIME YOU CLAM UP, YOU GET ONE DEMERIT!"
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“I said it once…and I'll say it again...This is WAR!”
“Do our chairmen think this the buffet at the Chinese restaurant, where you only take what you like?”
“If they don’t give examples of exactly WHAT is wrong according to the Raccoon book of Sacred by-Laws, well then guess who decides?...feelings decides. EGO decides!”
“That’s how the Evil One soft soaks ya into doing what HE wants!”
“There’s seven billion ego's walking this earth; there’s seven billion opinions…”
“But there's only ONE truth, and the truth is supposed to get the ego steamed!”
“Yep...top brass chairmen gone yellow-belly. Easy to do the Raccoon salute; but not so easy to defend the pelt.”
“Who's our chairmen serving; the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler or the Union?”
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“Brother Raccoons, for thousands of years we been coming to lodge meetings to honor the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler.”
“But we have a very, very serious problem in the lodge. It’s our chairmen.”
“And although they have been ordained with the power of the pelt…”
“They squandered it!”
“They have become full-fledged yellow-bellies…”
“Sure…Sure; ... it’s easy for us to say yes to the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler when we're at a lodge meeting.”
“But we're scared to say anything outside the lodge.”
“Why should we? We don’t hear it inside the lodge.”
“Real easy for our chairmen to use the words “right” and “wrong…”
“Where's the examples?!”
“They’re putting their own comfy level above accuracy.”
“And that’s not leadership; that’s delinquent of duty.”
“They clam-up, and that’s CONSENT!”
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“Every nut farm has a farmer. We keep electing farmers to grow THOSE nuts because can't they can’t grow THESE!”
“Okay so we elect members of Congress; wait, wait wait; that’s not an accurate word…”
“Members of Silver Oaks, that’s an accurate word.”
“And they have 2 separate membership roles that WE pay for:”
“We pay this side to take away our freedoms; what have we been paying this side to do?”
“Watch, complain…NOTHING! All they care about is stay a member of the country club.”
“THEY'RE the ones who can never say...”hello balls!”
“So now we - their employers - have to go to war because of what THEY - our employees – allowed!”
“And so what does the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler think about his lodge Raccoons ALSO standing around doin’ nothing?”
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“Enough of the Trans stuff for a little while; I feel my liverwurst sandwich comin’ up...”
“But let’s just peel back one more layer of these onion-heads.”
“They’re always crying “we want equal rights”, “life is treating us UNFAIRLY...”
“Good gosh!”
“Veterans get one day; pride gets a whole month.”
“Who's this unfair to again?”
“These are totalitarians posing as victims. They are basket cases posing as charity cases.”
“James Madison, our 4th president, said “Charity is no part of the legislative duty of the government."
“Tell ya what we will do though; we'll donate some crazy glue for the end of your pacifiers.”
“Caring for the sick is one thing but your genital playground is by choice!”
“Satan pours lighter fluid on his diaper, sets it on fire, and blames everybody else…”
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“So fortunately, because of the wicked root of the trans-testicle, we can appreciate something we were all granted that is beautiful…”
“Awareness! We spot fake things!”
“We're hard-wired to stop and question fake things because they fool people into what is not safe.”
“We can walk safely through reality; not re-imagined fantasy!”
“And let's also put this out there for what it is and be done with it:”
“When a trans-testicle is speaking, of course no one is really listening…”
“Be honest: you’re examining what is fake!”
“And your thinking: “I can’t believe someone would do this to them self'.”
“I wonder if they can tell I’m not really listening…”
“So there they are. And until they get theirs, enjoy the show and make sure to use the proper pronoun.”
“I suggest “Dumbass”; its gender neutral!”
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“So... you’ve their latest word ruse, right? “Love is love...Love has no limits'...”
“Translation: it is acceptable for us to have sex with your children!”
“Make no mistake: it is children they have in their pubic crosshairs!”
“And when one of them comes strollin’ into the public rest room while your daughter's in there…”
“Take this very very seriously, it not just some weird new thing you need to get used to; it’s a deliberate psychological attack!”
“And when your daughter starts to question her own identity, confusion, drugs, and suicide are not far behind!”
“When these satanic stalkers come to your school and want to put on a drag queen show…”
“Don’t just ask yourself “Why do our kids need to see drag queens?”
“Ask yourself “Why do drag queens want an audience of CHILDREN?”
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“Here's somethin’ ya probably never thought of: The Evil One has no gender…”
“There's a give-away hiding in plain sight, right?’
“Says a lot about what they're doin’…”
“When the rainbow trans-testicle was in the closet, their life's obsession was to please their genitals.”
“But this is a mental sex disorder that we’ve made worse because we buy into them cryin’ victimhood over what THEY choose!”
“We bolstered them into a highly privileged group of narcissistic spoiled angry children.”
“We allowed the creation of the Trans Industrial Complex.”
“They'll burn an American flag and claim free speech, but burning one of their flags, that’s a hate crime.”
“Them demanding that everyone subscribe their gender hallucination…THAT is the tail wagging the dog!”
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“So as reality shows us: there’s not a wide range of genders.”
“There are two genders and a wide range of mental disorders!”
“It says right in The Good Book: “A witness shall not bear falsies against thy neighbor.”
“And since none of the other mental conditions use visuals, the hardest part about all this is not laughing in their face.”
“This is THE most hilarious charade the evil one ever pulled.”
“And ya could say “Why we bothering with this clown show…what about the war?”
“Well, beside the price for doctor visits goin’ way up because now they have to decipher fantasies, we - the sane - are being persecuted because we won’t get in their playpen and play a game gender pretend with them.”
“What are the charges? Standing firm with science, biology and worst of all: reality!”
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“Yep...it was one of them trans-testicles.”
“This could be Broadway’s longest running comedy: "Nuts on Display"
“Problem is they’d be playin’ with their display of nuts in front of a live audience.”
“All this Trans stuff is very awkward, and it's very uncomfortable. But for who the most?”
“Suppose I’m in a restaurant and one of them comes up and asks me where the restroom is…”
“I don’t know… is your plumbing on the inside or the outside?”
“And they give me a nasty look.”
“Yes, I am an assistant plumber, but that doesn’t mean I have x-ray vision!”
“Glad I don’t… there goes my appetite.”
“And what if you’re in the medical profession, what if you’re a Groinacologist?”
“Hey listen doc, I’m having trouble with the head of my…”
“Whoa..stop right there; you're problem ain’t in THAT head!”
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“And guess who knocked everything off the top of the ice box? Marshall, with my golf club!”
“But anyway we went over to Silver Oaks, we're hitting up hill, down hill…and this gorgeous woman walks by...va-va-va voom!”
“Must have been a Miss America or somethin’. Short skirt…everyone lookin’ at her knees. Nothing like that in the navy.”
“Made Rita Weidemeyer look like Alices mother.”
“I had a little bit of a hard time hittin’ after that, but there was something wrong with my club.”
“Anyway a couple weeks later I see her again, but somethin’ happened…looked more like a wholesale butcher. No lipstick, tattoos all over her arms baggy pants, a deep voice.”
“She goes up to hit, opens up the top of her pants, looks down and what do ya think she says?”
“Hello balls!”
“Ya never seen so many clubs fly through the air at the same time. Everyone on the course runnin’ away top speed; even dove into the lake!”
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“So, we have established that the Evil One is runnin’ their show...absolutely, positively and certainly.”
“So does that mean they're possessed?”
“Let’s put it like this: don’t underestimate the stupidly out there when an un-used thinking apparatus becomes a dormant organ.”
“If you're just a mental case, yeah you do stupid things, but you don’t do everything you can to maximize destruction.”
“These woke stooges…they’re just obeying their masters orders.”
“Like Carlos Sanchez making ‘em do the snake mambo.”
“Watch me and do exactly as I do, heh?"
“Well he caused about as much trouble as he's gonna cause.”
“Parties over...we threw his phonograph out the window.”
“And by the way Mrs. Manicotti, stop with this already, you knocked my microphone off the table!”
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“This should be a familiar sound”
“Truth is just like the efficiency system.”
“Their woke ego tries runnin’ the whole thing, then the truth shows up.”
“Dum-dee-dum-dum”
“But when it goes off, boy do they get steamed. What do they do?”
(Long buzz)
“Let it ring, ring, ring but they're not answering it…even though it's playing their song.”
“Ego despises truth, because it can’t be shut off.”
“Why do ya think they wanna cancel everything?”
“So what have just learned?”
“Eureka, their garbage can is full!”
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“I’ll tell ya why they want to control our speech….because they’re scared that we will replace deceptive words with accurate words.”
“Like the word “Free”; there’s a good one to start.
“They throw that word around more than Johnny Bennett’s stickball team.”
“Anytime they say free, they’re soft-soakin’ ya. Nothing the commie left gives ya is free, Nothing! It's confiscated from someone else!”
“Remember the Evil One thinks he can change reality by controlling language.”
“And since they’re runnin’ away from reality, they’re runnin’ away from the truth.”
“So if we are free to speak, we are free to speak the truth. See how this works?”
“And they claim we're insensitive because we don’t pacify their sensitivity disorder.”
“So they get to choose our words? I don’t think so…”
“Thats where our efficiency system comes in…”
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Conceived, written and performed by RAT SKATES
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“You know what’s a main thing in the DNA of the Left? TAKING!”
“You’re not gonna find one instance - not one - where they freely give something without having forcibly taken away something first.”
“That's called THEFT.”
“Everything you do has to be THEIR business?”
“That's called nosey”
“They wanna tell you what words to use?
“That’s called slavery!”
“Where is their certificate of ownership to the English language?”
“We need to obtain their permission to speak freely? We have to find out what words they approve of, or don’t approve of?”
“Your words offend some people...”
“Is that so...is that so...”
“Ladies and gentlemen, I guess we had it all wrong. We the people aren't in charge...the playpen people are in charge!”
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Conceived, written and performed by RAT SKATES- Heavy Metal Drummer Overkill Band -
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NEW EPISODES - WEEKNIGHTS 7:30PM (EST) ON THIS CHANNEL“And only 3 (long) blocks away from the subway is the level 10 federal play-pen.
“33 Kosciusko Street. The apartment of Alice's mother.”
“I know that may seem like a cruel and inhumane place to quarantine leftists, but it was approved by the Geneva convention article 6 regarding use of military-grade pacifiers to shut up nosey blabbermouths.”
“I guess Mammy Yokum Gibson did show a small ounce of wisdom once, when she said "Sonny boy knows what he’s doing…”
“Right! That’s how we know what WE'RE doing! Guess she wasn’t such a bad old crow at that.”
“She had a lot of beefs with her son-in-law though. Just like the Evil One had one main beef with the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler.”
“It wasn't about authority. It was that he could not TAKE that which is not HIS!”
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Conceived, written and performed by RAT SKATES- Heavy Metal Drummer Overkill Band -
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“Now to the untrained eye, this room is nothin’ but an ordinary Brooklyn apartment loaded with modern conveniences.”
But THAT'S what it's NOT. THIS is an advanced strategic command center. This is our war room…”
“That ice box supplies the mess hall. Pigs knuckles and sauerkraut.”
“The stove? That’s no stove. It’s an atomic snowflake melter. It’s so efficient it broke the all-time-low gas bill, set by the Collier brothers in 1931.”
“And after a glorious day of front line advancement, the troops can take a bath in the sink.”
“The fire escape: that’s our lookout center; powered by the legendary Dumont Electronicam TV Film System.”
“This here is not an ordinary tablecloth left over from the Raccoon picnic, but a mathematical grid for plotting troop positions, conceived by Mrs. Manicotti while cooking Sunday faccumara sauce.”
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Conceived, written and performed by RAT SKATES
- Heavy Metal Drummer Overkill Band -
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“Alright so we're havin’ some fun here, but that's not WHY we're here…”
“THIS IS TOTAL WAR!”
“If we talk about nothin' but the daily shenanigans of the woke left, does as anything change? NO! So that’s why we're not doin’ it!”
“It’s the same thing every day…old nut, new nut, still nuts!”
Look...do ya wanna watch the battle, or do you wanna win the war?
“And where do we learn undefeatable battle strategy ? Right here and only here, through the words of Saints Kramden and Norton...”
“So what if Johnson cuts off our gas water electricity? It doesn’t matter. Delabriosky can condemn every sewer on Chauncey Street. They can TRY to cancel me. They can TRY to cancel this broadcast. But they can’t cancel us!”
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Conceived, written and performed by RAT SKATES
- Heavy Metal Drummer Overkill Band -
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“Happy new year!”
“Whoa…looks like some of you had a real good time last night.”
“Hey, I remember when I used to imbibe, so I know some of you got a head today…I get it.”
“Anyway, unlike other years, THIS new year is gonna be real cause for celebration.”
“Because even though we don’t know the exact day, we don’t know the time, but THIS is the year the snake gets his!”
“Wow...you guys really did get stoned last night...”
“All ya gotta know right now is until that moment when her foot comes down on stupid-head, WE are commanded to do our job…”
“What?”
(Person in audience) “Stop, quiet, talk softer: you’re too loud!”
“Of course I'm loud; the back of my vest says “Hurricanes!”
“Hey, head out to the lobby pal, they got cold grape juice out there, straighten ya right out.”
“Jeez, what a grouch!”
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Conceived, written and performed by RAT SKATES
- Heavy Metal Drummer Overkill Band -
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“So...bet a lot a you commie bums watchin’ this show are pretty steamed by now. Never would of thought Kramden and Norton would be calling your bluff.”
“I guess you never ran into an assistant plumber before.”
“Well... put this in your pipe and smoke it!”
“We're just getting’ started here. We’re just warmin’ up in the bullpen…wait ‘til I start my A-game. This is just a mere bag of shells I had lying around at Kelsey’s gym.”
“Its gonna be hell, literally, for you snakes, but that’s the choice your makin’.”
“Puttin’ you bums behind bars, down the sewers, that’s too good for ya…”
“Down the cellar, back in the furnace ya go! Hasta la vista yellow-belly…”
“A pox on you and all your ancestors!”
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“Brothers, the slithering snakes on the left side are after CHILDREN.”
“It’s an easy kill for them to get them when they're still inside their mother, they can’t run and hide from Dr. Mengele, and we can’t hear them scream…”
“All they wanted to do was be born.”
“And remember, the snake's runnin’ the public school system.”
“Psychological Auschwitz!”
“This is the gulag they’re runnin’ with the tax money they steal from us and forcing union dues.”
“So…be on high alert around ALL leftists; code red, 911, def-con 1.”
“And remember, the snake WILL accuse YOU of being hateful and dividing, because they know you're protecting your kids FROM THEM!”
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“So ever since stupid-head got thrown out of the lodge, he's still trying to get revenge on The Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler...and US!”
“And he needs some of us to do his dirty work, see. And he’s trying to turn us brothers into brats…LIKE HIM!”
“Right now he's SO desperate, he thinks he can change reality by changing what we're allowed to say; that we'll RE-IMAGINE things just like HE did when HE was part of the lodge.”
Well…put down your cold drink Georgie, and go in and tell Har-vee:
The border invasion by drug cartels is not ‘undocumented migrants’
Massacred babies is NOT ‘women’s health care’, or 'planning parenthood'
And cuttin’ off your shmendrick is not ‘gender affirming’, it's nuts affirming!
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“So ya see it's very simple. We all got the same problem...EGO!”
“Lucifer had a good job up there; he was handsome and everything. Had good connections, but he had a big ego.”
“Felt he didn’t have to listen to the boss, that HE should be runnin' things.”
“Poor little maroon…shows us he's the STUPIDEST thing that ever was.”
“WAY more stupid than he is a sneak. And the dame could of used her thinking apparatus, but no, she goes and eats the mystery appetizer and gets us all sick with ego.”
“The Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler gave us a thinking apparatus; all we gotta do is turn it on, and stop FEELING we should be runnin’ everything. Use logic!”
“Look, feelings can’t change logic, but only logic can change feelings.”
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Conceived, written and performed by RAT SKATES --
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Listen, before we go any further here with the war here, I gotta tell ya what happened..
Hey Harve…Harvey…turn that clock off for me please. Thank you.
I got a postcard, see, thought it was Christmas greeting…nope. Putter down at the tax office found out about the skinny chicken, he wants to see me down there.
And speakin’ of clocks, the clock in the horses stomach was way off so I woke up late.
I rush over to the bathroom, I’m lookin’ for my toothbrush. “Moe” is sittin’ on Aunt Ethel’s teeth because the water pipes still ain’t fixed.
I run over to the icebox to grab a hairpin from the Jap box so I could start my car, knocked over the picalilly on the parcel of worms because McKeever’s ring was still stuck on my hand.
I thought I smelled smoke, I turned around, Christmas trees on fire because I left the iron on that mommy sold back to me.
No water, cant put it out. I heard bells out the window, I thought it was the fire department… nope. Maybe is was Santa? Nope.
Thelma…drivin’ by in a good humor truck, eatin’ a popsicle, wavin’ to me.
That is what’s left of the tree.
But here’s the good news, I broke the all time low water bill set by the Collier brothers in 1932
And the best news off all, better than anything else...
THIS is the day our savior was born.
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Conceived, written and performed by RAT SKATEShttps://ratskates.com
- Heavy Metal Drummer Overkill Band -
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“Okay, Genesis…how it all started.”
“The Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler made this beautiful garden, see, and he set up a restaurant; called it the Hong Kong Gardens.”
“So he made his first customer a young man; he was hangin’ out in back, got everything he wanted, 3 kinds of pizza…everything.”
“So The Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler sends along a dame; supposed to keep him company.”
“So one day she's lookin’ at the corns on her left foot, and the sneak slithers by and whispers over "Hey, eat some of this"
“What is it?”
“A delicious mystery appetizer.”
“I just had a nice kumquat from that other tree over there, I'm full”
“Just eat it, and when you’re on the 64 thousand dollar question, your category can be everything”
“And there you have it.”
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“Re-imagine! Code word for nuts!”
“They're not goin'…they're gone. They blasted off for Pluto and the Moon. These rangers have empty space helmets.”
“Reality is here, right here.”
“The streets of Benson Hurst, that’s reality.”
“All those border crossing bums sleepin’ along Kosciusko Street, that’s reality.”
“Kids, stone cold dead from shootin’ poison in their arms, that’s reality.”
“Make no mistake, everything out there is being done on purpose; I know it, you know it, they know it and everybody knows it.”
“E-V-I-L...The snake. Been around longer than Ma and Pa Kettle.”
“So I'm gonna explain how this all started, and you’ll understand the rest of the whole thing.”
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“All right…so like I said at the start, we're gonna examine our thinking apparatus…”
“Usually we'd see that the armature sprocket is causing interference which in turn causes the combustion line to interfere with the flow of the dynaflow.”
“That wasn't the problem, so we looked inside their head and we found nothin'”
“Alright...you knew that one was comin'”
“But look, this is so simple you're not gonna believe it. Ready?”
“We can imagine celery is steak dinner, but it's still celery.”
“We can imagine cold grape juice is bottle of wine, but it's still cold grape juice.”
“The problem is…get a load of this...
“They RE-IMAGINE things!”
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“You guys got a lot of spunk! but I got a confession to make.”
“The Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler told us from the start "there will be no deserters in this army"
“But that's exactly what I did…”
“I watched these thieves steal our freedoms one by one, and I didn’t do anything...I just hoped someone else would.”
“The evil one only has one purpose, to capture us one by one so we join HIS side. And he'll never quit, so we can’t either.”
“I never thought things would end up like this, but here we are.”
“So I wanna say now that I’m sorry. I hope you brothers forgive me, and I hope The Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler forgives me.”
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“Brothers, there is nothing, NOTHING that the left hates more than YOUR freedom!”
“Every time you say yes to them you say no to your independence. Are you gonna retreat into the darkness of slavery or advance - advance into the sunshine of freedom?”
“I say advance!”
“They work for US...WE are their employers. They can’t bark orders at us! We give the orders! They TAKE the orders.”
“And they will address us with a civil tongue! We say boomf, they say very good sir!”
“Brothers, every dog has his day. Let's hit that high note; let’s forge ahead onward to the $99,000 answer!”
“Let's send the devil back down the cellar, stick his head in the stove and make him stay there!”
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“So how ‘bout your commander-and- thief (president) Joe Fensterbliden?”
“He certainly is a treasure. Talk about woke...he ain't woke, he's sleep walking with his Captain Video space helmet on!”
“He slipped on a banana peel, fell right into a manhole.”
“Tried to climb out, thought he grabbed a rope, cut off his air supply instead!”
“Been on a permanent vacation at Fred’s Landing ever since.”
“He did see the snake in his tent, he started to run, he turned around to see if Dr. Jill was behind him, ran right into a tree!”
“He didn’t have his shades on, which was too bad because he looked up, yellow bellied sap sucker dropped one right on him!”
“Now you know why he's always half winkin’ at ya…”
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“Richard the Chicken-hearted who feels with a feathered glove, but is obsessed with power and control…and your skin color, and your race, and your sex.”
“These are communists. They are Marxists. They are total supremacists.”
“I don’t know...do they mean to be mean? Maybe they were just born that way.”
They hate Dr. Martin Luther King, they love Stalin.
They hate freedom; they think you should be their slave.
They love criminals, they hate the police.
They love to stalk young children…
They hate the parents, hate the church, hate America.
“But they sure do love themselves...”
“Are we dealing with pistachio the nut, or the snake in genesis 3:15? Isn't this what we fought a couple wars against?”
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“Some people are never satisfied. Look in the Bible. Look what The Red One did when he was part of the angels up there, before the horns…”
“All he did was complain...”
“Ewww…how come the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler gives the orders? I don't wanna do what he says! How come I’m not in charge?”
“Vroom! Down he goes, right into the garden.”
“The birth of the snowflake.”
“Ewww…how come I can’t look at Liberace when Carlos teaches me the mambo? I don’t like Neapolitan knockwurst! I need an electric stove! Burt Weidemeier has a motorboat with 3 propellers! I need a bigger string of poloponies! I’m not comfy, where's my robe and slippers to slip into conveniently after a hard day of MAGA protests?”
‘Ehhh…SHUDDUP!”
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Conceived, written and performed by RAT SKATES ----
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“And sweet-ums on the left over there wants you to think we- The International Order of Friendly Raccoons- are the bad guys and THEY'RE the nice guys.”
“Boris Karloff seems like a nice guy when he’s dancing on the Red Skeleton show.”
“I don’t know WHY we put up with this…why don't they see a psychiatrist, talk to a minister, take some headache powder, some aspirin, say pins and needles, needles and pins, but stop makin' everyone else suffer with THEIR problems!”
“Look, their mental block is made of cement, and the men in white coats don't run jackhammers.”
“They're not gonna quarantine themselves to their playpen. Shove a pacifier in their face, blabbermouth spits it right out. Always complaining’, always yappin’…ga ga gag ga…”
“They yap so much when the suns out their tongue gets sunburned.”
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Conceived, written and performed by RAT SKATES ----
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“Ya think maybe they’d take stock of themselves once in a while? They're not taking stock, they're stalking!”
“So we had an emergency lodge meeting and made a list of all their good points and bad points. Here's where there’s trouble…get a load of some of these:”
-race addiction
-sex addiction
-can’t define what a woman is
-2 plus 2 can equal 5
-babies lives don’t matter
-they are coming for your water pistols and disintegrator guns
-they will replace light bulbs with wallpaper that glows in the dark
-oh, and they’re nosey blabbermouths too
“Good points: providing free comedy that you can’t make up.”
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Conceived, written and performed by RAT SKATES ----
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“How we gonna help them when they cant think anymore? Don't they want to end up upstairs with the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler?”
“It ain’t paradise down the sewers, and the manhole covers ain’t pizzas!”
“Why would they choose to help the red guy with the tail and the pitchfork? That's what they're doing, isn’t it?”
“The evil one is a sneak. He's a bluffer, but most of all, most of all he's an idiot! And when you follow an idiot, that makes you an idiot too!”
“And he thinks he's gonna get way with this, that the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler isn’t gonna twist him into bookends!”
“There's a riot! Hardee-har har har! Let me have what he's drinkin’ I wanna get loaded too!”
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Conceived, written and performed by RAT SKATES ----
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“They just can't get through their head: there is, there has been and always will be, a Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler. Emperor of all Racoondom.”
“These commies don’t believe in anything, so anything goes. Even though we are all brothers under the pelt, we are NOT gonna coexist with these snakes.”
“But, The Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler keeps ‘em around to teach us a lesson: so we know exactly what NOT to do.”
“They're gonna be used as an example of his justice for the final judgment, and it may be tomorrow pal. If they only knew the shellacking they’re gonna get.”
“Should've been kind to the people they met on the way up, because they're gonna meet the same people on the way down.”
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Conceived, written and performed by RAT SKATES ----
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“In conclusion...they are stark-staring nuts.”
“They are a cult. They are on the dark side. And they are after your kids.”
“The devil's runnin' their show. But over and over, we keep expecting clear thinking from them when it never happens. They're just too sickly, even for Bellevue.”
“Maniacs all over the joint. The streets aren’t safe anymore. For all we know they re-imagine the color of traffic lights.”
“I don't know why they have such a problem with reality? All they gotta do is just show up for life everyday…”
“Must be the requirements are too tough.”
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Conceived, written and performed by RAT SKATES ----
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“A doctor did an examination on the left. Very fine doctor, doctor uh, well I don’t know his name but know what he found out?”
“Here's part of his report:
A condition of ‘wokus infantidus’ exists.
This is a demonic cult that usually affects spoiled angry children.
Physical symptoms are race and genital obsession.
There will be a tendency to throw violent tantrums when their hallucinations are not appeased.
This will be accompanied by phobia of red hats and they'll spend most of their time trying to escape from their playpen.”
“Keep them away from bibles, stock up on ammo, and the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler will be using them as example of his justice.”
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Conceived, written and performed by RAT SKATES ----
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“Boy, what an honor this is...Kramden and Norton once sat at this table…I am humbled!”
“Okay...you wanna know the reason they invited ME on the show? Wanna know the reason? The reason! I'll tell ya the reason, because we are at war, total war!”
“If we let these woke mental cases keep runnin’ things, all is lost, we are done finished through completed.”
“And no one who ever sat at this table would have put up any of this malarkey, see…and neither are we.”
“I'm just an assistant plumber, THEY are gonna lead us through this war. Wanna know how we are gonna win?”
“We’re gonna examine the thinking apparatus.”
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Conceived, written and performed by RAT SKATES ----
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“So, what should I sit here and talk about? Popular songs? What some political dope did today? Now that’s exactly what I'm NOT gonna do!”
“Ya want cartoon frolics and puppet shows, go put on the late late late show, because I'm not gonna do it ya hear, I’m not gonna do it.”
“Look, how many of these pod shows tell you the exact same thing about the exact same thing? Gotta be 9 out of 10…and I'll bet the average is even higher than that.”
“People want something new and different, see, so instead of coring a apple with an old implement (ha ha), think chef of the future. Heures doovers made out of skinny chickens.”
“Tune in to this show for 1 minute and listen. The life you save may be your kids.”
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Conceived, written and performed by RAT SKATES ----
SEASON PREMIERES DEC. 1 | NEW EPISODES - WEEKNIGHTS 7:30PM (EST) ON THIS CHANNEL
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“Ladies and gentlemen, it brings a tear to my eye and a lump to my throat to have you all here in this legendary apartment…328 Chauncey Street, Brooklyn USA, the garden spot of the world!”
“And how about the world? The world needs a little fixin’, don’t it? To coin a phrase, WE are in trouble.”
“For starters, look at your bank account. Going up, up, up? Ya get to sock any money away? There's a riot. Peanuts, peanuts. How is it possible? Look what you pay in tax or tax. Gotta hock our bowling balls just to pay the rent increase.”
“Okay...Just give me one minute everyday; one minute...may change your whole life.”
“Let's see who's running the whole thing. Is it the man from space? Ever think maybe the evil one put the whammy on us, and we’re just following its crazy hair brained schemes instead of following The Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler?”
“Well...remain calm and cool, because my knowledge is equal to the problem at hand; I went to P.S. 31 Oyster Bay and majored in reality at Oxford vocational school.”
“So let's open our 3D icebox, pour a glass of strong milk and celebrate the emancipation.
Clear the field, because commies, are you gonna get yours!”
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Conceived, written and performed by RAT SKATES ----
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