Ignite: New Reality. Real Change.: Recent Episodes
Ignite SF
This podcast shares deep insights that lead to real change by reframing a new reality.
Our primary audience are Christian leaders, whether in the workplace or in ministry.
[00:00:00] - Introduction and Overview
Slide Title: "Welcome to the Series"
* Key Point:* Introduction to the series, emphasizing the importance of marriage and how dating plays a foundational role.
[00:00:30] - Marriage and Dating in the Church
Slide Title: "Marriage & Dating in the Church"
* Key Point:* The church has largely failed to address both marriage and dating adequately.
[00:01:23] - Dating as a Pathway to Marriage
Slide Title: "Dating as a Pathway to Marriage"
* Key Point:* Emphasizing the importance of dating as a foundational step toward marriage.
[00:02:54] - The Therapeutic Model's Impact on Marriage
Slide Title: "The Therapeutic Model's Impact"
* Key Point:* The therapeutic model has infiltrated marriage counseling, often to detrimental effect.
[00:04:32] - The State of Modern Dating
Slide Title: "The State of Modern Dating"
* Key Point:* Exploring the secular world's problems with dating and how they impact the church.
[00:06:18] - Online Dating and Imbalance
Slide Title: "Online Dating Imbalance"
* Key Point:* Online dating has created an imbalance in expectations between men and women.
[00:08:05] - The Outsize Impact of Social Media
Slide Title: "Social Media's Outsize Impact"
* Key Point:* Social media platforms like Instagram have distorted dating standards.
[00:09:50] - The Traditional Wife Movement
Slide Title: "The Traditional Wife Movement"
* Key Point:* Exploring the resurgence of the TradWife movement and its influence on dating and marriage.
[00:11:21] - Addressing Dating Issues through Scripture
Slide Title: "Scripture and Dating Issues"
* Key Point:* Using scripture to address modern dating challenges and reveal timeless truths.
[00:13:02] - Influencers and the Red Pill Movement
Slide Title: "The Red Pill Movement"
* Key Point:* Influencers in the Red Pill movement speak to men's frustrations with dating.
[00:14:46] - Men's Withdrawal and Secular Solutions
Slide Title: "Men's Withdrawal & Secular Solutions"
* Key Point:* Men withdrawing from dating due to frustrations and following secular advice.
[00:16:06] - The Dangers of Secular Dating Advice
Slide Title: "Secular Dating Advice"
* Key Point:* Secular dating advice like "men going their own way" is damaging and unbiblical.
[00:17:36] - The Church's Absence in Addressing Men's Issues
Slide Title: "The Church's Absence"
* Key Point:* The church has failed to provide guidance for men facing dating challenges.
[00:19:14] - The Church's Responsibility Toward Men
Slide Title: "The Church's Responsibility"
* Key Point:* Churches should guide men toward Christ-centered relationships and healthy dating.
[00:20:54] - Building Men in Christ
Slide Title: "Building Men in Christ"
* Key Point:* Churches should help men develop in Christ to restore their role in marriage.
[00:22:43] - The Trap of the Excellence Model
Slide Title: "The Excellence Model Trap"
* Key Point:* The excellence model of Christian men often falls short of Christ-like humility.
[00:24:09] - Community and Men's Friendships
Slide Title: "Community & Men's Friendships"
* Key Point:* Building men's friendships within the church is essential but often overlooked.
[00:25:50] - Men's Natural Instinct to Sacrifice
Slide Title: "Men's Instinct to Sacrifice"
* Key Point:* Men have a natural instinct to sacrifice for their wives, but it can be passive.
[00:28:46] - Understanding Christ's Model of Sacrifice
Slide Title: "Christ's Sacrificial Model"
* Key Point:* Understanding Christ's model of sacrifice is crucial for men in relationships.
[00:30:23] - Embracing the Biblical Narrative for Men
Slide Title: "Embracing the Biblical Narrative"
* Key Point:* Churches should guide men toward a biblical understanding of their role.
[00:32:00] - Closing Remarks
Slide Title: "Conclusion & Call to Action"
* Key Point:* Encouraging listeners to ask questions and share their thoughts on dating and marriage.
About Acts2.XYZ and Jonah Jeremiah:
Acts2.XYZ is about Real Change. New Reality.
We focus on leadership, Christian men, marriage, faith in the workplace, and innovation in the church.
Check us out at https://acts2.xyz
Breakdown with Key Points and Slide Titles [00:00:01] - Introduction and Series Overview
Slide Title: "Welcome to the Series"
* Key Point:* Introduction to the marriage and dating series, highlighting how the church has failed to improve Christian dating outcomes.
[00:00:30] - Laying Down the Groundwork
Slide Title: "Churches & Dating Outcomes"
* Key Point:* Despite efforts, churches struggle to guide Christians in dating and marriages effectively.
[00:01:46] - The Controversy of Comparing Marriage to Christ and the Church
Slide Title: "The Christ & Church Controversy"
* Key Point:* Comparing the relationship between Christ and the Church to marriage often leads to misunderstandings and controversy.
[00:03:43] - Foundation of Marriage in Paul's Letters
Slide Title: "Paul's Letters & Marriage"
* Key Point:* Exploring Paul's letters to understand the symbolic relationship between Christ and the Church and how it applies to marriage.
[00:05:37] - Perfection vs. Human Imperfection
Slide Title: "Perfection vs. Imperfection"
* Key Point:* Examining how Christ's perfection contrasts with human imperfection and how it influences marriage comparisons.
[00:07:25] - Understanding Quarrelsomeness
Slide Title: "The Quarrelsome Wife"
* Key Point:* Exploring the concept of quarrelsomeness in Proverbs and its implications for gender differences in marriages.
[00:09:03] - Equality and Difference
Slide Title: "Equal But Different"
* Key Point:* Emphasizing that men and women can be equal in God's eyes yet distinct in their roles within marriage.
[00:11:00] - The Church's Lack of Respect
Slide Title: "Lack of Respect for Christ"
* Key Point:* Highlighting how the Church often disrespects Christ by seeking value elsewhere, similar to how women can disrespect their husbands.
[00:13:04] - The Modern Disrespect Trend
Slide Title: "The Modern Disrespect Trend"
* Key Point:* Exploring the sociological and psychological trends of disrespectful behavior in modern relationships.
[00:14:50] - Dependence on Christ
Slide Title: "Dependency on Christ"
* Key Point:* The Church should maintain a healthy dependence on Christ, similar to how women should depend on their husbands.
[00:16:43] - Christ's True Relationship with the Church
Slide Title: "Christ's Relationship with the Church"
* Key Point:* Examining the true nature of Christ's relationship with the Church beyond superficial romantic notions.
[00:18:29] - Christ's Call to Repentance and Truth
Slide Title: "Truth & Repentance"
* Key Point:* How Christ calls the Church to repentance and truth, and how this model can apply to marriages.
[00:20:07] - Christ's Sacrifice for the Church
Slide Title: "Christ's Sacrifice"
* Key Point:* How Christ's willingness to lay down his life for the Church serves as a model for men's sacrifice in marriage.
[00:21:33] - Accountability and Grace
Slide Title: "Accountability & Grace"
* Key Point:* Men should combine accountability with grace in marriage, following Christ's example.
[00:23:07] - Dying to Self
Slide Title: "Dying to Self"
* Key Point:* Encouraging men to "die to self" in their marriages while holding their wives accountable.
[00:25:01] - Simping vs. Sacrifice
Slide Title: "Simping vs. Sacrifice"
* Key Point:* Distinguishing between unhealthy "simping" and the sacrifice exemplified by Christ.
[00:26:43] - Finding Inner Strength through Christ
Slide Title: "Inner Strength through Christ"
* Key Point:* Men should find their inner strength through Christ and the guidance of the Father.
[00:28:59] - Turning Around Marriages with Christ
Slide Title: "Turning Around Marriages"
* Key Point:* Drawing on Christ's model to turn around relationships and restore marriages.
[00:30:43] - Closing Remarks
Slide Title: "Conclusion & Call to Action"
* Key Point:* Encouraging listeners to ask questions and share their thoughts while teasing out more insights in upcoming episodes.
About Acts2.XYZ and Jonah Jeremiah:
Acts2.XYZ is about Real Change. New Reality.
We focus on leadership, Christian men, marriage, faith in the workplace, and innovation in the church.
Check us out at https://acts2.xyz
Breakdown of Key Points by Timestamp
[00:00:01] - Introduction and Problem Framing
Slide Title: "Welcome to the Spicy Take"
* Key Point: Host introduces the topic of how the church has failed its singles.
* Summary:* Introduction to the problem of overlooking singles in the church, the blind spot of church leadership.
[00:00:30] - Framing the Church's Blind Spot
Slide Title: "The Church's Blind Spot"
* Key Point: Leaders' personal success stories create a blind spot, preventing them from understanding singles' struggles.
* Summary:* Married leaders using their own dating experience as a blueprint for others.
[00:01:54] - Mixed Messages and Avoiding Negative Perceptions
Slide Title: "Mixed Messages"
* Key Point: Preaching about singles sends mixed messages, and churches don't want a "hookup church" reputation.
* Summary:* Churches struggle to address dating without creating cringe-worthy narratives.
[00:03:42] - Program Activities vs. Addressing the Problem
Slide Title: "Programs vs. Real Solutions"
* Key Point: Most churches rely on superficial social programs rather than addressing the deeper issues singles face.
* Summary:* Singles attend events but don't receive guidance on transitioning to marriage.
[00:05:29] - App Dependency and Church Response
Slide Title: "App Dependency"
* Key Point: Singles use dating apps out of necessity due to the lack of effective church support.
* Summary:* Churches remain passive while singles turn to dating apps, creating dependency.
[00:07:06] - The Secular Marriage Gap
Slide Title: "Secular Marriage Gap"
* Key Point: Christian marriages aren't significantly more successful than secular ones.
* Summary:* Churches should focus on fostering Christ-centered marriages starting from the dating stage.
[00:09:00] - Problems in Christian Dating
Slide Title: "Christian Dating Challenges"
* Key Point: Singles in churches face similar dating challenges as those outside.
* Summary:* Christian dating is plagued by modern dating issues like scarcity and overabundance.
[00:10:30] - Christian Dating vs. Secular Dating
Slide Title: "Christian vs. Secular Dating"
* Key Point: Comparison between Christian and secular dating shows striking similarities.
* Summary:* Christian dating is not much different from secular dating due to similar behavioral patterns.
[00:12:00] - The Overabundance Dilemma
Slide Title: "Overabundance Problem"
* Key Point: Women are inundated with choices on dating apps, leading to unrealistic standards.
* Summary:* Women's abundant options create skewed expectations and unhealthy dating dynamics.
[00:14:15] - Scarcity Problem for Men
Slide Title: "Scarcity Among Men"
* Key Point: Average men face scarcity on dating apps, leading to frustration and exclusion.
* Summary:* The dating app scarcity problem leaves many Christian men feeling rejected.
[00:16:30] - The Top 1% Problem
Slide Title: "Top 1% Problem"
* Key Point: A small group of men monopolizes attention from women on dating apps, creating unhealthy dynamics.
* Summary:* The top 1% of men lead uncommitted lives due to abundant dating options.
[00:17:45] - Christian Dating App Flaws
Slide Title: "Christian Apps in Name Only"
* Key Point: Christian dating apps share many problems with secular apps.
* Summary:* Christian dating apps face the same challenges due to superficial standards.
[00:19:09] - Men Turning to Churches
Slide Title: "Men Flocking to Churches"
* Key Point: Men often join churches to find women but do so with uncommitted intentions.
* Summary:* Churches attract men seeking dates without providing spiritual alignment.
[00:20:47] - Passive Approach to Problems
Slide Title: "The Passive Church Approach"
* Key Point: Churches remain passive in supporting singles, leading to superficial engagement.
* Summary:* Passive treatment of problems like addiction and dating doesn't lead to real solutions.
[00:22:00] - Addressing Addictions vs. Addressing Singles
Slide Title: "Addictions vs. Singles"
* Key Point: Supporting singles requires intentionality and deep engagement, similar to addiction recovery programs.
* Summary:* Churches should take an active role in guiding singles to Christ-centered marriages.
[00:24:28] - Providing Real Support for Singles
Slide Title: "A Real Support System"
* Key Point: Intentional guidance, counseling, and introspection can support singles in dating.
* Summary:* A real support system for singles involves deep engagement and Christ-centered education.
[00:26:07] - Finding Healthy Alternatives
Slide Title: "Healthy Dating Alternatives"
* Key Point: Intentional dating should replace passive dating apps as the norm for Christian singles.
* Summary:* Encouraging intentional, real-world dating alternatives to dating apps.
[00:27:55] - The Negative Overhang
Slide Title: "Overcoming the Negative Perception"
* Key Point: Overcoming stigma and cringeworthy narratives is essential for churches to support singles.
* Summary:* Churches need to break negative narratives to support singles effectively.
[00:29:14] - Confidence in Guidance
Slide Title: "Confidence in Church Guidance"
* Key Point: Leaders should gain confidence in guiding singles despite their limited personal experience.
* Summary:* Confidence in guidance comes from acknowledging the problem and intentional learning.
[00:30:49] - Closing Remarks
Slide Title: "Conclusion & Call to Action"
* Key Point: Host encourages singles to share their experiences and engage in the discussion.
* Summary:* Invitation for listeners to share their stories, engage in conversation, and provide feedback.
About Acts2.XYZ and Jonah Jeremiah:
Acts2.XYZ is about Real Change. New Reality.
We focus on leadership, Christian men, marriage, faith in the workplace, and innovation in the church.
Check us out at https://acts2.xyz
What is shared accountability?
It's owning all of what you own together. It's owning all of your stuff, all of it, and by stuff, I don't mean the material: I mean the behavioral and the outcomes. It's owning together all of the other person's stuff to the degree you can do anything about it without controlling the other person. It will include the difficult task of owning how your actions may have contributed, not caused, but contributed to the other person's actions. And the other person owning, even if there was huge contribution by the other person, their own actions.
What threatens it?I go back to the therapeutic model which has made its way into the church, and if you want to learn more, go to those episodes. It's highly important to understand that traditional, modern therapy, even that exercised by the church, to restore marriages will likely make it worse, and certainly will not lead you to a stronger foundation on the Truth of the Gospel.
Accountability is not evenly distributed in society, in the family, in most cultures.
The scope of accountability differs and it leads to control. If you are a wife, as an example, and you consider your scope of responsibility, as it often is, to ensuring the kids are healthy, surviving, the house is organized -- you can often criticize the man for not meeting those standards of these seen areas of accountability; a man's area of accountability is to wrestle with the world to face the challenges of work and acceptance and financial stability and spiritual leadership, and those are unseen powers. He will be criticized for the internal scope; criticized for the lack of fruit of the unseen scope not knowing what's going on; and criticized for not giving a Westernized and corrupted sense of "love" to the woman in exchange for shame and criticism.
The man's scope is protect and provide and lead into the unknown, and that scope does need to be taken on, but accountability turns into criticism and control very quickly because a) it's not shared; b) not fully understood; c) not seen.
What are examples?- Wife breaks down emotionally, raising her voice, getting angry, insulting, in a session, but the therapist turns to the man and asks what do you think about these tears; and asks the wife, what's behind all of this? But leaves it, as if the heightened emotions, alone, are the truth.
- Wife wants caring, nurturing, gifts, affections, all her tasks done -- but doesn't own the mound of criticism that has preceded the withdrawal. Doesn't see the lack of respect in even very basic communication.
- Wife only sees the man getting defensive, but not owning that he's defensive because she is, in fact, in attack mode, in shaming mode, in blaming mode, as opposed to seeking help mode, or desiring support mode.
Scripture
"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." - Galatians 6:2
"Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." - Matthew 7:3-5
"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." - James 5:16
"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." - Romans 12:5
About Acts2.XYZ and Jonah Jeremiah:
Acts2.XYZ is about Real Change. New Reality.
We focus on leadership, Christian men, marriage, faith in the workplace, and innovation in the church.
Check us out at https://acts2.xyz
Why pray? Many preachers and teacher will start with the benefits to praying. And in doing so, focus on us motivating the what: what to do and what we get from doing so. In this response message, I counter by saying all prayer, as all of the Bible, starts with the Who, and if we miss this, we miss the entire purpose and power behind prayer.
Matthew 6:9-13 (NIV):
9 “This, then, is how you should pray:
‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
10 your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us today our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.’
Matthew 26:39 (NIV)
"My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."
John 17:20-21 (NIV)
"My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you."
Luke 23:34 (NIV):
"Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.' And they divided up his clothes by casting lots."About Acts2.XYZ and Jonah Jeremiah:
Acts2.XYZ is about Real Change. New Reality.
We focus on leadership, Christian men, marriage, faith in the workplace, and innovation in the church.
Check us out at https://acts2.xyz
The default area most therapist and counselors will guide couples on is communication. This is wrong. Not because communication isn't important, because it is. But communication is not the root. What needs to be discussed from a Biblical perspective is control. This episode we'll talk about the nature of its root and why it is a prevalent challenge, and how to address it.
16 To the woman he said,
“I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;with painful labor you will give birth to children.dYour desire will be for your husband,and he will rule over you.e” Genesis 3:16 NIV
16 To the woman he said,
“I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;iin pain you shall bring forth children.jYour desire shall be contrary to6 your husband,but he shall krule over you.” Genesis 3:16 ESV
16 Then he said to the woman,
“I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy,and in pain you will give birth.And you will desire to control your husband,but he will rule over you.* ” Genesis 3:16 NLT
You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.” Tyndale House Publishers, Holy Bible: New Living Translation (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, 2015), Ge 4:7.
The Marriage HabitThis podcast introduces you and your spouse to the concept of the Marriage Habit.
It's intended to be listened to by both parties in your marriage. And the best time to start was the day you get married.
The second best time: now!
You can read about my habits and the devotionals online:
https://themarriagehabit.com
Steps you can take:
1. Subscribe to the podcast - constant, regular content shows your priorities!
2. Subscribe to my emails - go to https://themarriagehabit.com and subscribe to get valuable reminders today that can save your from thousands of dollars in the future in therapy!
3. Ask a question! Right now, till I can make a better app (which is coming), ask your question by giving me a rating! I get notified of it and can answer those questions in the next episode!
About Acts2.XYZ and Jonah Jeremiah:
Acts2.XYZ is about Real Change. New Reality.
We focus on leadership, Christian men, marriage, faith in the workplace, and innovation in the church.
Check us out at https://acts2.xyz
Welcome back to Free Your Mind. Today, we continue exploring nonconformity and renewing the mind.
There are two key parts to transformation - the sudden renewal and the ongoing community.
Renewal is a moment of faith, starting with repentance. It's an instant shift in perspective that only comes through the Spirit. But it doesn't mean your whole life changes instantly. Transformation reorients our mindset but isn't always sustained.
That's where community comes in. We need curated, committed environments to strengthen and sustain transformation. Through structured engagement with disciplined people on the same journey, we avoid distractions and falling away.
Jesus' discipleship model shows community's importance. Scripture and the Spirit alone aren't enough - we need real people challenging us. Free small groups can help but may lack the dedication and cost of discipleship that changes us.
That's why intentional communities are emerging, even paid ones, to fill the gap. The Christian life requires sacrifice - maybe even of time and money today.
So reflect: Are you experiencing both transformation and community? Content can free your mind but people anchor it. Let me know your thoughts - we're in this together.About Acts2.XYZ and Jonah Jeremiah:
Acts2.XYZ is about Real Change. New Reality.
We focus on leadership, Christian men, marriage, faith in the workplace, and innovation in the church.
Check us out at https://acts2.xyz
In this teaching, I talk about the Worldly Prisons based on 1 John 2:15-17: I describe the kinds of common prisons we have when we are too much in love with the world.
Free Your Mind is a series on how to set your own mind free to give you greater clarity in thinking, in making decisions, in how you view yourself, others, and the world around you.
To gain access to the Bible.com devotional, as well as other content, updates, and future teaching, sign up here: https://pages.acts2.xyz/free-your-mind
Your questions and comments will be answered!If you have ALREADY subscribed, then you can leave a comment here: https://pix.acts2.xyz/podcast-message Make sure you sign up!
There will be opportunities to ask your own questions via voice or email, and to access additional videos and teaching on this topic.
**Like and want more?
Part 5:**
About Acts2.XYZ and Jonah Jeremiah:
Acts2.XYZ is about Real Change. New Reality.
We focus on leadership, Christian men, marriage, faith in the workplace, and innovation in the church.
Check us out at https://acts2.xyz
Free Your Mind is a series on how to set your own mind free to give you greater clarity in thinking, in making decisions, in how you view yourself, others, and the world around you.
To gain access to the Bible.com devotional, as well as other content, updates, and future teaching, sign up here: https://pages.acts2.xyz/free-your-mind
Your questions and comments will be answered!If you have ALREADY subscribed, then you can leave a comment here: https://pix.acts2.xyz/podcast-message Make sure you sign up!
There will be opportunities to ask your own questions via voice or email, and to access additional videos and teaching on this topic.
**Like and want more?
Part 5:**
About Acts2.XYZ and Jonah Jeremiah:
Acts2.XYZ is about Real Change. New Reality.
We focus on leadership, Christian men, marriage, faith in the workplace, and innovation in the church.
Check us out at https://acts2.xyz
Free Your Mind is a series on how to set your own mind free to give you greater clarity in thinking, in making decisions, in how you view yourself, others, and the world around you.
To gain access to the Bible.com devotional, as well as other content, updates, and future teaching, sign up here: https://pages.acts2.xyz/free-your-mind
Your questions and comments will be answered!If you have ALREADY subscribed, then you can leave a comment here: https://pix.acts2.xyz/podcast-message Make sure you sign up!
There will be opportunities to ask your own questions via voice or email, and to access additional videos and teaching on this topic.
**Like and want more?
Part 5:**
About Acts2.XYZ and Jonah Jeremiah:
Acts2.XYZ is about Real Change. New Reality.
We focus on leadership, Christian men, marriage, faith in the workplace, and innovation in the church.
Check us out at https://acts2.xyz
Continuing our series on Free Your Mind, we cover today Freedom from the Past. Guess what? Replaying your hurts....is a habit! Listen to learn more about why we do this and how to unhook yourself from this painful self-torture!
Check us out at https://acts2.xyz/free-your-mind
Free Your Mind is a series on how to set your own mind free to give you greater clarity in thinking, in making decisions, in how you view yourself, others, and the world around you.
To gain access to the Bible.com devotional, as well as other content, updates, and future teaching, sign up here: https://pages.acts2.xyz/free-your-mind
Your questions and comments will be answered!Make sure you sign up! There will be opportunities to ask your own questions via voice or email, and to access additional videos and teaching on this topic.
About Acts2.XYZ and Jonah Jeremiah:
Acts2.XYZ is about Real Change. New Reality.
We focus on leadership, Christian men, marriage, faith in the workplace, and innovation in the church.
Check us out at https://acts2.xyz
Season 5: "Free Your Mind."
This is from the series to be released called "Free Your Mind."
Many people aren't truly thinking thoughts that are free, but are imposed by others around them.
In this episode, we look at one form of imprisonment -- small dwellings. When we dwell on the trivial and the petty, our thoughts and lives shrink. I talk about the antidote in this episode that can give you greater freedom.
About Acts2.XYZ and Jonah Jeremiah:
Acts2.XYZ is about Real Change. New Reality.
We focus on leadership, Christian men, marriage, faith in the workplace, and innovation in the church.
Check us out at https://acts2.xyz
Check out the blog, subscribe to the series.About Acts2.XYZ and Jonah Jeremiah:
Acts2.XYZ is about Real Change. New Reality.
We focus on leadership, Christian men, marriage, faith in the workplace, and innovation in the church.
Check us out at https://acts2.xyz
You won't have a marriage problem if both of you can follow this one devotional together.
Sorry to say, I can guarantee you won't.
But it's worth hearing, getting convicted, and digging in together.
The verse:
Luke 6:46 NKJV
““But why do you call Me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do the things which I say?” Make sure you read the short devotional and sign up so you don't miss one.
https://themarriagehabit.com
For references to the Scripture, check out the essay here: https://eldership.xyz/how-to-evaluate-church-leaders-imagine-your-life-depends-on-it-because-it-does/
Members of the church, now more than at any time, need to have clear ways to discern proper leadership.
Without it, there's very little oversight into who becomes a leader, paid or volunter, within a church.
Failures can be immediately dramatic. But more likely, there is the "Leaven Effect": the slow, at first imperceptible, erosion of the Gospel.
Yet, why is the risk high?
It's very easy to accept on faith decisions made by the leadership as "annointings." But in the same way that companies have boards of directors that turn the other way because they have been appointed by the CEO, churches can lack accountability because a clear vector for qualification is missing.
This is how wolves enter leadership.
Most people think wolves are easily discernible for overtly bad behavior.
But Jesus doesn't take that view. In fact, he believes they can be very difficult to detect.
As Scriptural literacy continues to fall within the church, evasion, including self-deception by the well-intended, is easy. Meaning: a wolf may not even know he is one due to self-deception and prideful Scriptural illiteracy.
The mistake is that if the person is "nice" or appears to have good intentions, proper "behavior" -- that person couldn't be vicious.
But we take the Scripture incorrectly. We "imagine" that the person's conscious intent must be evil and vicious; therefore they are wolves. When we can't believe that about someone, we assume the outward "harmless sheep" must be capable and a Christ follower.
But the point of the Scripture is that it is not easy to detect. Exterior behavior can cover the heart; and in fact, it is those with the proper outward behavior that can pose the greatest threats as Jesus warns.
Who are often great candidates on the outside, but Jesus warns that those indicators aren't really right.
They include longevity at the church and knows the procedures[1], pray publicly[2], talk about generous giving[3], and abide in the visible behaviors of the church[4].
Anyone who is part of a church who wants to know what is best for your church must pay heed.
Once someone enters into an expectation of spiritual authority but aren't truly ambassadors of Christ will spread their perspective like yeast. The modern version is, once the toothpaste is squeezed out, you can't put it back.[5]
What are the bare minimum?
If we make the bar too high, it can become a bit legalistic. But a hand-wavy bar and an expectation of reputation is too loose.
Here are the five minimum viable requirements:
- Sound Teaching. Graceful Refutation.
- Expression of the Spiritual Gifts from Ephesians
- History of Fruitful Discipleship
- Right Relationship with Money
- A Life which Demonstrates Christ's Work in Words and Deeds
I continue the discussion. This is not medical advice or therapy, but it's food for thought for those in marriages that need help and are either in or contemplating therapy. In this shorter episode, I explore how to think about whether therapy can even be good given its origins, and how to understand the way "expert advice" is often generated so you can be aware.
Often the default motion when there's a challenge in a marriage is therapy. But as I begin to share in Part 1 of this, for Christians especially, most therapy will actually send you into a negative spiral. It did for me, and I begin to make the case for why this is NOT something as a primary resort IF you don't have actual psychological problems (psychosis, addiction, violence).
I want to be clear that this is not intended to insult the peoplewho work as therapists. I am sure intention are mostly good.
But, if you are a therapist, a good signal is whether you care about the outcomes for people you are treating.
In a similar fashion, I think those seeking help in their marriages should really understand the pros and cons of a therapeutic approach and whether that really can help them.
IF at the end of this, which is not medical and psychiatric advice,you should establish how you best get help OR use this to determine what to do next.
He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it. (Titus 1:9)
“‘This people honors me with their lips,
but their heart is far from me;in vain do they worship me,
teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.’” (Matthew 15:8-9)that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word (Ephesians 5:26)
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. (John 1:1)
- Teaching sound doctrine is a base requirement for elders -- there's no way around this. The ability is reflected in the ability to detect and rebuke.
- Jesus taught against man-made traditions and commandments -- this is what the culture teaches and what the church has absorbed.
- Commanding presence
- Faithful attendance
- Seemingly humble presentation
- Generous giving
- Husbands are to effectively teach their wives
- Why must the foundation be in doctrine, the understanding and teaching of the Word
- What is Deception?
- Starts with fundamentally disagreeing with God's truth out of the gate. This is different from wrestling and trying to understand. It's a heart posture.
- Examples: I would have conversations with my wife, for example, about the Bible's different roles between man and woman, including this one about deception, and the response is something many of you may relate to: "It's not true."
- It can begin with just not wanting to believe it. And never wrestling the truth such that the Truth wins.
- Make strawmen from extremes: It's not always true....(therefore it's not true).
- Assign ill-intent behind the truth
- We can see this dynamic in our own relationships, as well as with the Word of God.
- Starts with fundamentally disagreeing with God's truth out of the gate. This is different from wrestling and trying to understand. It's a heart posture.
- Where does it start?
- The heart is deceitful above all things,
and desperately sick;
who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9) - Thus says the Lord:
“Cursed is the man who trusts in man
and makes flesh his strength,[a]
whose heart turns away from the Lord. (Jeremiah 17:5) - Who typically is moved by their heart more than by their head?
- Again, cautious of stereotyping and generalizations....there do exist purely rational women, and there do exist emotional, relational men...but we can dive deeper into whether Scripture has some guidance on this at a later time.
- But, if we look at the nature of deception, it's through the heart, in fact, it's the means by which life comes, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23) -- a case can be made that the one who leads and brings forth life through their heart is woman.
- Now, let's go back to what deceives the heart back in the Garden:
- When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. (Genesis 3:6)
- Are these things primarily of a rational and reasoned nature, or emotional and of the flesh?
- "Good for food": survival and pleasure
- "Pleasing to the eye": vanity and pride
- "Desirable for gaining wisdom" -- emphasis on desire to gain
- When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. (Genesis 3:6)
- The heart is deceitful above all things,
- What does this mean for a marriage?
- This doesn't mean woman are deceivers all the time (meta here, right, the common form of deception against a truth is to make it extreme, therefore it's not true)
- Man's role is NOT easy because he can be both deceived and must correct deception
- Woman's role is to respect the man's attempts to not be deceived and correct potential deception
- "Happy wife, happy life" is a deception: it says the woman's point of view must reign to achieve happiness.
- So in the next time, we're going to start looking at pragmatic situations, but put your comments on what you think as well.
Deep calls to deepat the roar of your waterfalls;all your breakers and your waveshave gone over me. (Psalm 42:7)
- Deep calling starts within the depths of one's soul filled with despair
- While God is the only one who can fill all those needs, and is the object of the call, where do our close relationships fit?
- It's a missed opportunity and one that often lies unfilled is the deep calling between two people
- Husband and wife
- Friend to friend
- The verse is poetry -- which means there aren't hard lines of definitions and behavior...but doesn't everyone, if they allow themselves, have a depth within them that cries out?
- The challenge is not everyone know how to mine their own depths; which means they can't fill much of that deep calling from the other
- And I do not believe one can mine one's depth without a desire to know God -- know him deeply in his word
- A shallow understanding of God leads to shallow self-understanding
- The reason why proper exegesis of the reading of scripture is essential is not just about knowing God or understanding the facts of the Gospel, but it is the only means of truly getting deep within yourself
- Why is deep calling important?
- It helps you determine how you can be ready to deepen your relationship with others
- It will help you to receive that calling and fill as much as you can through God of that calling
- You are able to mine within yourself IF you can find someone to also be on the receiving end
- The problem is most people can't do either: they neither go within their own depth and they do not know how to receive a deep calling because they, themselves, do not have the depth.
- This is a problem. People at church should have far higher mental health than others because we should be able to carry that burden with the level of depth -- but I guarantee you that isn't the case. Loneliness, conflict, personality fragmentation, dissassociation, anxiety -- you name it -- it means people aren't following a deep calling
The two questions that I want to pose is: "Are you deep enough through your searching and intimacy with God, to reach out to someone from those depths; and do you know someone who has done the sufficient work through God to receive your calling?"
If not, why?
For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12)
- We are going to only lightly touch on who was deceived and who is more gullible, but I put on the table for future discussion
- What does the Bible teach us about the nature of deception
- How to better address and reduce the deceptions within oneself and how to address it with one another
For Adam was formed first, then Eve; 14and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. (1 Timothy 2:13-14)
treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.
6 They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over gullible women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, (1 Timothy 3:4-6)
Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”
2 The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”
4 “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. 5 “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” (Genesis 3:1-4)
Deceptions that are most dangerous as self-deception of oneself, attempts to persuade the other party the rightness of one's self-deception.
- Questioning the truth and the reality of God's command with the intent to disagree, versus the intent to obey
- Examples: does it really mean don't go to bed angry really mean that? What if I'm tired? Does it really mean respect your husband always....doesn't it really mean only when you are loved? Does it really mean go to someone and reconcile before going to church? Does it really mean looking at a woman with lust in your heart is as bad as having an affair? Does it really mean that....
- Make strawmans from extremes: "you will not certainly die"; that doesn't always happen; it's not always true. Not everybody is like that.
- Are there risks of over-generalizing? Of course. There are ways to address it. Discernment matters. Individual relationships matter.
- However...deception finds its way by making our own exceptions to God's laws
- We imagine it's not intended for our good.
- God wants to keep the knowledge of good and evil for me (and therefore is hurting me)
- My husband did not agree with my plan (because he doesn't care about me)
- My wife is not agreeing to address a problem (because she doesn't want to fix things)
- Is there a shared understanding of what is Truth versus what is a personal preference?
- Are exception an attempt to undermine the search for truth, or an attempt to get as close as possible?
- When evaluating options, are the tone and posture and thinking imputing a negative intent from the other (including God)
- The typical interpretation and application of leaving and cleaving
- Because it only references a man, is it only applicable to a man?
- The overlooked problem of not probing more deeply into a healthy separation
- The ideal solution to potential problems and why it's missing
24 tTherefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)
He answered them, “And why do you break the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition? (Matthew 15:8)
3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. (Titus 2:3-5)
Hebrews 5:11-14
11We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain, because you are dull of hearing. 12Although by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to reteach you the basic principles of God’s word.c You need milk, not solid food!
13For everyone who lives on milk is still an infant, inexperienced in the message of righteousness. 14But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained their senses to distinguish good from evil.
Hebrews 6:1-2
1Therefore let us leave the elementary teachings about Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works,a and of faith in God, 2instruction about baptisms,b the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment.
Ephesians 4:11-13
11And it was He who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, 12to equip the saints for works of ministry and to build up the body of Christ, 13until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God, as we mature to the full measure of the stature of Christ.
Planting Churches in an Digital Message Driven World
- What are the challenges of church planting today?
- Velocity
- Reach
- Impact
- Sustainability
- What does Scripture suggest church planting should do?
- Save more people (Acts 2:47)
- Mature and love the saved (1 Cor 3:2; 1 John 4:21; Eph 4:14))
- What moves people to be saved?
- The inexplicable movement of the Holy Spirit (Acts 2:4; John 3:8)
- Hearing the word (Romans 10:17)
-
Facing one’s sin through the law and grace through faith (Romans 3:20; Romans 3: 24-25)
-
How am I reading this?
- God’s word that leads one to repentance and reveals redemption through Christ’s propitiation should be a key part of any church
- In other words, that message — a message which opens receiving hearts to the depth of their sin and the hope through Christ — must be central before all other things
- This means before a building, before community, before music, before snacks and meals — the message saves.
-
If we believe it’s true, church planters must first develop their message and distribute it so that it can go like the wind (wind blows where it wishes)
-
What is the current digital media landscape like?
- Unprecedented audience-building time: The rise of YouTube, Facebook video, TikTok — we see an opportunity to lead with the message first and drive those who feel motivated to connect to the yet-to-be planted church near where they are.
- We know this happens: successful preachers on YouTube have audiences far beyond their own local church.
- Those who hear would love to connect to that pastors church — but cannot
-
The converse is true: a planter who developed their message, honed a very specific God-given voice, could find an audience globally.
-
How does a global, digital-first audience turn into the local church?
- If the planter drives the audience to the church-planters platform, the platform could help create the church
-
The platform should help create multiple local “home churches” overseen by the planter
-
What would such a platform need to be able to do?
- Allow easier digestion of the message to learn the specific Scriptures and build experience with exegesis
- Enable “meeting daily” amongst those who feel an affinity to the planter’s message
- Allow the planter to easily ‘oversee’ the learning and interactions
-
Support the safe clustering around those who live close to each other
-
Problems with this approach
- Your ability to preach is under pressure from the beginning
- Why do you think you are ready before finding your God - given voice?
- You may not be a strong preacher ever
- Why plant a church? Why not be the lead shepherd of a local church that has traction from one who is a stronger preacher?
- What is in the way of laying down the primary preaching responsibility?
- You have no say on where to go
- The area that most responds — if any — will determine where you go
- You may not have a large single site
- In a distributed church plant you may not have a large single site
- Why? Because in an attention age, your prophetic and evangelistic message must be sharp for a more specific audience.
- You cannot create a traditionally awesome worship experience
-
No lights, no ambience, no band, no building to shape
-
How would such a church look?
- “Meet” digitally and pray daily
- Solving the problem of attention and time
- Connecting and communicating daily without meeting in person
- Bereans: searching the Scriptures
- Local members take on teaching and shepherding
- This forces a focus on building up teachers (who are the best candidates for elders)
- This needs a way to simplify and hand hold the scriptural teaching to ensure doctrinal correctness
- Church creates ‘worship” experience in homes
- Provide or pay for online guitar and singing lessons
-
Provide a kit: battery operated candles, throw or sitting pillows, cover door dash meals; inexpensive portable stereo with a Spotify playlist
-
Reference
- Acts 2:47 - Praising God, and having favour with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved.
- 1 Cor 3:2 - I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready.
- 1 John 4:21 - And we have this commandment from Him: Whoever loves God must love his brother as well.
- Acts 2:4 - And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them.
- John 3:8 - The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit
- Ephesians 4:14 - Then we will no longer be infants, tossed about by the waves and carried around by every wind of teaching and by the clever cunning of men in their deceitful scheming.
- Romans 10:17 - So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.
- Romans 3: 24-25 - for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith.
- Romans 3:20 - For by works of the law no human being[c] will be justified in his sight, since through the law comes knowledge of sin.
https://story.ignite-sf.com/the-core-of-conflict-in-marriage-part-3#gs.8dbwdh
This is the third part in a three-part series on this topic. Make sure you see part 1 and part 2 here.
Please make sure you go through those to get the foundation to this. However, here’s the recap:
- Although the culture or our own sin desires to erase all differences between men and women, Scripture indicates that there are differences in the nature of our core sins. However, many people -- including many who are churched -- can’t understand God’s wisdom because it runs so contrary to their “natural” state.
- If we believe we all descend from Adam and Eve, then understanding the original sin and its nature for men and women should help us get at the foundation to sins in our modern lives. There is great benefit to understanding this.
- Eve’s sin was a desire to be like God, to be able to judge intentions and morality, to be easily deceived by things that appeal to pragmatism and aesthetics, and to control her husband.
Today, we’re going to turn a little bit to the men for them to own their part in the original sin and the resulting curse.
What is man’s sin and curse?
To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’
“Cursed is the ground because of you;
through painful toil you will eat food from it
all the days of your life.
It will produce thorns and thistles for you,
and you will eat the plants of the field.
Genesis 3:16-19
- Listening to Eve was a Sin because she wanted him to stray from obeying God.
- This is unfortunately both more common and a far greater sin than being deceived by Satan
- Men are in a difficult bind, for the culture and their own instinct is to listen to their wives, to try to please them, the entire lie of “happy wife happy life” has a grip.
- It’s especially hard in that, in general, this should be true; but when the wife, who is gullible to Satan, wants to control her husband to do something contrary to God’s will, she will get her way one way or the other.
- The husband who pushes back will be seen and treated as controlling.
- In God’s proper order, this isn’t a problem. He should first seek God and has the responsibility as we’ll see later in Ephesians of literally washing his wife in God’s word. So he owns the responsibility (God asked Adam what’s going on, not Eve).
- At the same time, the entire world of work will weigh as toil, on his soul, as his source of identity....and will struggle to do so.
- This is in contrast to what it could have been, which was not to toil upon a cursed ground, but to “work it and keep it.”
What is an antidote to this set of core problems?
1. There is plenty of sin to go around for both genders
2. Part of being a Christian is being honest with the full truth, the full gospel, the full counsel of God and doing so in our context. Our enemy is the culture.
3. Which means, if we don’t actually address what could be slipping into our thought lives, even in the churches themselves, from the culture, we’re allowing the prowling lion into our home.
4. The “easy Christianese” answer is to say, “just love more; just listen more; communicate more.”
5. But if I were Satan and wanted to slowly disrupt the church from within, those are the lies I would propagate; and I would steer people away from deeply understanding God’s word, the ravages of sin, and our legacy which should show us how deep and flawed we are without a savior who is perfect and willing to take it all with his own death.
6. So there’s much more to go into it, and unfortunately, some of it will feel tilted towards the woman...but that’s because the culture has found a way to work things through the woman. And we need to spend our time on this soon.
7. But I’m proposing the counter-balance to help us, and that’s to show an illustration of what a wife could be.
8. Remember the key phrase of why did God create woman in the first place?
9. Did he make a mistake? Did he think loneliness itself was the problem?
10. No, he created a “helpmeet”: ezer which is used as a rescuer, referring to God, in a saving sense, a military sense; and once as k’enegdo --which is of equal stature or value.
11. A great illustration of this is Abigail, wife of David
How does Abigail illustrate one way to be a helpmeet?
1. Abigail is married to Nabal
2. David’s men carry David’s message of greetings and conveying how well they treated Nabal’s men and to ask for supplies
3. Nabal insults the men
4. David learns of the insults and wants to attack.
5. Abigail steps in and averts the disaster by deescalating David
6. She tells Nabal and his heart stops and he turns to stone
7. God then takes Nabal’s life
8. Abigail marries David
Why do I put stock into this story?
1. The story is not primarily an anecdote of a good wife
2. It is telling the Gospel
3. Nabal represents a sinning world, in this case, his offense is affronting David
4. This would normally seem petty, but David represents God -- and God is justified in his wrath for all of our petty offenses against him
5. Abigail rides upon a donkey....and propitiates....just like Jesus
6. David’s wrath is held at bay
7. But when told the truth, Nabal can’t understand it, his heart is dead and he’s of stone, and he dies...just like the many who do not have eyes to see and ears to hear -- who never repent of their sin and put their trust in God will also die
8. Paul writes in Ephesians about marriage, but then kind of twists and says he’s really referring to Christ and the church; and so marriage is intended, at its best, to illustrate the Gospel.
9. Not all do; so when one does, it warrants attention
10. What does Abigail do?
11. Let’s reverse it. Husbands and wives can play this thought experiment.
12. Imagine you are a husband, and you have been offended and, in the way men are, want to attack, take action, do something potentially rash.
13. What would most modern Christian women do?
14. Shame: “If you attack, you’ll look like an idiot and make us look bad.”
15. Criticism: “You’re always so violent and reactive! Why can’t you just let it go!”
16. Disregard: “Go ahead, whatever. Just get it done and then get back to the stuff I want you to do.”
17. Bring up the past: “Last time you did this, you were late for dinner!”
18. Disrespect: “You’re always so barbaric.”
19. Wives and husbands: when’s the last time a wife gave good, calm, wise counsel to change a direction but resorted to shame and control?
20. Women don’t understand that they aren’t supposed to mother their husbands...they are supposed to be an ezer...a helpmeet....like Abigail
21. Respect: “Pardon your servant, my lord, and let me speak to you; hear what your servant has to say.”
22. Agree with the problem without accusation: “He is just like his name—his name means Fool, and folly goes with him.”
23. She’s with her husband: “may your enemies and all who are intent on harming my lord be like Nabal”
24. Not controlling or demanding: “Please forgive your servant’s presumption.” (heart posture than words)
25. Sees and proclaims a good essence: “The Lord your God will certainly make a lasting dynasty for my lord, because you fight the Lord’s battles,”
26. Cares wisely about the outcome for the husband: “my lord will not have on his conscience the staggering burden of needless bloodshed or of having avenged himself.”
27. Trust’s God and paints a positive outcome: “when the Lord your God has brought my lord success”
28. This answer is not about a script.
29. It’s far deeper and often the root.
30. Abigail’s approach is not to be critical, controlling, or shaming. But she still got what she wanted....she stopped bloodshed that, in the end, she didn’t need to care about since she didn’t seem to care much for Nabal.
31. This was an impractical act on her part.
32. It was no pragmatic, it was not fueled by aesthetics, it wasn’t fueled by efficiency and busyness.
33. She cared wisely and saw and desired God’s hand in the person’s life and did so with vulnerability (calls herself a servant and David lord)...and sought and saw the best in David, despite his planning a heinous act.
34. This is not taught by the culture. By churches. By most mothers to daughters.
35. Most men can’t articulate this and would likely be shot down if they did.
36. Wives, your husband is not your enemy. But you may be making him into one.
37. Husbands, your wife may see you as the enemy. But don’t take the bait.
38. The culture is the enemy. Jesus has warned us, to not be of it, and to not conform to it.
Conclusion
1. Seek the truth, the core, through God and his design and his Word. Much may rub against you wrong. That’s a good start. Worry if you don’t understand it or you reject it out of hand. But if you are willing to wrestle with it, let it convict you.
2. In the same way the God’s wisest illustrations in the Old Testament point to Jesus, in your own struggle and conflict, find Jesus -- he is the core antidote to marital conflict.
Part 2Question 1What is Adam’s sinfulness in response to Satan, and do we see this bear out in real life?
1. We read through to see how Satan, the craftiest of all creatures, picked Eve over Adam to deceive
2. The attack vector successfully used was to entice Eve to be like God -- and to have the ability to know the difference between Good and Evil
3. This gullibility reveals itself in the modern world in the form of judgment, criticality, and assigning motives to the husband.
4. So...when we are deceived to commit a sin, what do we often do?
5. We justify to ourselves. That justification is also how we then persuade others to sin.
6. What are the ways Eve justifies it to herself?
7. tree was good for food -- pragmatism for survival -- (Luke 4:3) for the version against Jesus -- The devil said to him, “If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.”
8. it was a delight to the eyes -- “beauty” and “aesthetics”
9. to make one wise -- back to being like a God
10. What is Adam’s sin? “she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate”
11. That space between giving and his eating is missing alot of context...but it’s fair to say....he didn’t relent right away.
12. She persuaded him, probably using the same strategies -- and he relented.
13. My question is, does he relent because of the reasons themselves....or because Eve was relentless?
14. My hunch is it must incorporate the latter. For if the reasons themselves were sufficient, Satan may have gone directly to Adam first. But he didn’t.
15. Therefore...Satan had in mind that Eve would be more effective and deceiving Adam.
16. Adam’s sin: relenting to disobey God to please a woman
17. Proverbs warns over and over against man succumbing to seduction by a woman. Therefore, it seems reasonable that man’s weakness, which is, by the way, often heralded as a strength by the secular world, to succumb to the demands, arguments, cajoling....against God’s word.
Question 2:Does God’s curse upon Adam and Eve reveal sources of conflict and sin that are both deep and spiritually discerned, but manifested in reality?
1. But you will still desire your husband, and he will rule over you (CEV)
2. “Your desire shall be contrary to your husband”
3. you will desire to control your husband
4. The lie says it’s about “desiring your husband” -- unrequited love and devotion
5. How do I justify this? Where else is the same Hebrew word used and in what context?
6. God uses it in Genesis 4:7 and talking about Party A “desiring” Party B.
7. Let’s look at the text
8. Control: secular sociologists in their sampling found control, specifically through the use of shame, to be the source of conflict.
9. Control has many, many flavors: crying, anger, criticism, mothering/smothering, gossip, false praise, manipulation, withholding of intimacy....all of these were listed in a secular book as common methods of women to shame and, ultimately, control their husbands.
10. The counter-argument would be that men have, in general, the same behavior so to this I give it to you whether you agree or not, by looking at the culture and within your own relationships.
11. I think capitulation to control and shame is the sin of men.
12. The counter-argument is that, no, men dominate women “he shall rule over you” -- doesn’t that go against the capitulation of Adam?
13. No. Adam’s capitulation was a failure to stand faithfully in God’s word and obey
14. Sinful man’s rule is more often their counter-control for independence and freedom from shame -- and those can be very, very sinful: physical abuse, use of power at work, for example
15. But largely, women wield so much now within the church and the culture at large through weaponized shame, cancel culture, accusations....this isn’t saying that there are some bad behavior that needs to be called out
16. But I would ask, is this the dynamic you want at home? More importantly, does it exist already?
16To the woman he said,
“I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;
in pain you shall bring forth children.
Your desire shall be contrary to your husband,
but he shall rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16)16Then he said to the woman, “I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.” (NLT)You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.” (Genesis 4:7)
Question 1: How do we as Christians answer questions to which we probably have strong, pre-existing, opinions about -- opinions shaped more by tradition and culture than study of the Word? In this case, about the nature of men, women, husbands, and wives in the context of Christian Marriage?
But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. (1 Corinthians 2:14)
- When we read this, what are the “things” referred to?
- It can mean lots of things, but we know that they are considered “foolishness”
- We know that those who do receive them discern whatever those things are “spiritually” -- not through fleshly knowledge
- We know that, one of the things we can be certain of to receive from God when asked is Wisdom (James 1:5)
- So in this regard, I would argue that wisdom would include understanding God’s will for an institution He holds in highest regard and, in fact, God intends to express the Gospel.
- But that wisdom will be contending with that part of our thinking or our emotions that still belong to “natural man’ which I believe, for the Christian, is the “old man” (Romans 6:6)
This is a long-winded but necessary way to say the following:It is quite possible that a reading of the text on the nature of man and woman, particularly their sin, will butt-heads with your convention and the culture.
Question 2:Do you believe that, while men and women are of equal worth (Romans 10:12 -- in this case Jew and Gentile are the same, but Paul spreads the equal value across all people), they are also differences in their roles, their strengths, their expectations, and their sinfulness?1. If God says that it is not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18), is that simply a statement of loneliness?
2. I would argue it’s not, because God also says he will make a suitable helper for him (Genesis 2:18).
3. Yet, why do you, me, or anyone need a helper? It’s because the person is missing total self-sufficiency. They need the help that can be offered by another person.
4. So, if the woman offers something that shores up a weakness in the man, it stands to reason she is also different.
5. But if we accept that she’s also different, can we accept that she’s different not only in good ways, but in bad ways as well?
Our basis at this point seem to be to accept that there is difference, despite equal value. And if there’s difference, this leads us to Question 3:Doesn’t it make sense to deeply understand the source and nature of this difference?1. Even if you hold on still that men and women are exactly the same in all things, what do you gain from that worldview if you’re wrong? 2. What if the fundamental core of conflict lies not in your rightness or her wrongness or vice-versa, but that there’s essential, foundational, God-created differences of the nature of sin? 3. Do you benefit from trying to “believe” it away with the culturally-accepted view? 4. On the other hand, perhaps we’re wrong, and we posit that there are, in fact differences, and they resonate with some actual truth. Then certainly you still benefit from understanding the root cause, even if it only applies to your marriage and your marriage only. 5. If what we say has zero resonance and zero applicability, then, you can seek some other source and continue to base that in your original world-view, which is that everyone is alike.
For purposes of this argument, which you are free to disagree after holding your disagreement in suspension just for a bit, is that there is, in fact, a deeper understanding of human nature. And I believe this takes us back to point #1: that understanding comes from God’s word and our ability to, through the Spirit, discern the truth.Quick recap, this is a big set-up and I’m going to probably continue to refine this and repeat this because it’s so essential and, disturbingly, many don’t buy this line of thinking so I rather start with first principles.1. The full counsel of God is spiritual, foolishness to the flesh, and discerning of all things; 2. Man and women are equally valued to God, but different in their roles, responsibilities, and sinfulness; 3. Understanding the core of every marriage benefits you because it allows you to go more deeply into the nature of our different design.
Question 4:What meaning and application, if any, can we find in how the serpent deceived Eve and Adam in the Garden; and in how God cursed the first fallen marriage?
Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the LORD God had made.He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” 2And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, 3but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’” 4But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. 5For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” 6So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise,b she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. (Genesis 3:1-6)
Question 5: Does the fact that the serpent deceived Eve first mean anything? Specifically, that she was easier to deceive than Man and, therefore, this continues now for all Daughters of Eve?1. God says the serpent was more crafty than any other beast....so would a characteristic of being crafty mean the serpent is most likely to pick the path of least resistance? 2. Therefore, can we hold at least lightly that, to properly develop a marriage we acknowledge and defend against such deception? And that perhaps in regards to this particular sin and deception, men are a stronger defense and therefore lean on man as a defense? (Note: don’t worry, men have their gender-specific sin as well) 3. So...is it worth knowing the means of this deception? 4. The serpent attacked by introducing doubt 5. Eve first repeats God’s command: she knows what is the right answer 6. However, the serpent picks a specific response: “you will be like God.” 7. This is the temptation -- and it succeeds.... 8. So the modern listener may say, “no woman wants to be like God...” 9. “knowing good and evil” -- this is how the serpent tempts 10. So let’s pause on this and ask, “What would a modern representation of being like a God and knowing good and evil” be like? 11. Judgment. Knowing someone’s motive.
Here is where zooming out and exegeting society and your relationships based on Scripture comes into play. The challenge is it does border on pop psychology and quasi-science and personal observations. But....I did look at one book by psychologists into the nature of men and female behavior in marriages...and they are definitely secular.
But they described a phenomenon where the woman, in the relationship with the man, does one or more of the following:
- Critical -- meaning they judge their husbands
- Unspoken expectations -- so it’s judging someone for not knowing what
1Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden? 2And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: 3But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die. 4And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: 5For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil. 6And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat. 7 Genesis 3:1-6https://story.ignite-sf.com/understanding-the-core-of-conflict-in-marriage
https://story.ignite-sf.com/devotional-gentle-vs-harsh#gs.28yjv7
The closer we are, the more intimate our relationship, the more important it is to check for the right manner of being and speaking with one another. So important is the manner of communicating between a husband and wife.
A gentle answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger. (Proverbs 15:1)
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair or gold jewelry or fine clothes, but from the inner disposition of your heart, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in God’s sight. (1 Peter 3:3)
Always be prepared to give a defense to everyone who asks you the reason for the hope that is in you. But respond with gentleness and respect (1 Peter 3:15)
- What is the expectation of solid teaching?
- How can you tell if they have the “right stuff”?
- Do they actually instruct from Scripture?
- Do they have the “backbone” to rebuke and correct -- and do so with soundness but also with grace and relational strength?
- Are they able to take a stand and do so in the face of conflicting ideas and discomfort, or are they “double tongued” and seek to please?
https://story.ignite-sf.com/eldership-guard-rails-to-your-spiritual-life#gs.28zftg
Marriage Devotional - Contrary and Rule Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you. (Genesis 3:16)
This episode reviews the Communication Spectrum -- a way to evaluate your dating partner based on communication buckets. It's also a way to evaluate yourself and grow in Christ based on your own choice of words with your significant other.
This episode states my thesis that the biggest risk to churches being infiltrated by wolves is through poor preparation and vetting of elders. I share a little bit about why elders often are an unexpected source of poor teaching and false prophesy. https://story.ignite-sf.com/elders-wolves-in-the-midst#gs.z2dwa4
The Catechizing Parents: How Parents Can Plant the Seeds of the Gospel in Their Children
Paul and Barnabas leave Antioch to settle a dispute about circumcision, and after agreeing they only need to eat properly and abstain from sexual immorality, are sent back to Antioch to share the decision, and the two later split because of John Mark.
Paul and Barnabas preach in Iconium before being stoned, then go to Lystra and Derbe where they are praised then stoned, then returned to Antioch of Syria for a long time with their church.
Paul and Barnabas are sent by the Holy Spirit to Cyprus where Paul blinds a sorcerer, then travels to Pisidia where Paul tells of Egypt, David, John, and Jesus' death and resurrection but are slandered by the Jews but preach to the thankful Gentiles.
Herod kills James and imprisons Peter who escapes, then he dies for making a speech taking glory upon himself instead of towards God.
Peter retells Acts 10, and Barnabas goes to Antioch after the church hears of the Spirit moving there.
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An angel tells Cornelius, a devout man, to seek out Simon Peter, who has a vision of a sheet falling, and when they meet, the Holy Spirit is poured out on the Gentiles, amazing the Jews.
Saul persecuted Christians, then is converted during his meeting with Ananias, after which he preached powerfully before being persecuted himself, then Peter heals Aeneas and raises Dorcas from the dead?
1 Sentence Summary The believers were persecuted by many, including Saul, and Philip went to Samaria where he preached to Simon and the eunuch, leading them both to believe and be filled with the Holy Spirit.
1 Key Verse “The Holy Spirit said to Philip, “Go over and walk along beside the carriage.”” Acts of the Apostles 8:29 NLT
1 Key Insight The Holy Spirit is such great power even the sorcerer Simon desired it, and it is what leads believers to people to share the Good News.
1 Take Away / Action Today and the days to come, how can I live where I follow the Holy Spirit in what to say, whom to approach, where to go?
1-sentence summary Stephen recounts Genesis from Abraham through Moses and Jacob and David and Solomon, and then tells the Jewish leaders they have killed all the prophets, then he is stoned to death.
1-verse takeaway ““You stubborn people! You are heathen at heart and deaf to the truth. Must you forever resist the Holy Spirit? That’s what your ancestors did, and so do you!” Acts of the Apostles 7:51 NLT
1-sentence lesson Even today the religious can be deaf, heathen, and disobedient to God's word and truth.
This short teaching reveals my impromptu thoughts on a model for Discipleship, one that is missing or obfuscated by most churches. My approach looks at the Five Fold Spiritual Gifts found in Ephesians.
It's one of the foundational content for my course on Eldership, Marriages, and Men's Discipleship.
Breakthrough: What is Your Dead End Driver? (Part 3) Getting stuck is often due to something within us. Yes, there will be certain types of circumstances which we need to face, but deep within us, something keeps spinning us around and around, turning the wheels, and never experiencing change. Find out what those could be in this episode.
Breakthrough: Naming Your Stuck (Part 2) will help you to actually “name” the kind of stuck you have. That sounds strange, to name that kind of stuck you are in, right? But, actually, too many people go through life without really understanding how they are stuck, the “flavor” of “stuck” they are in, so to speak, so never really begin to invite God’s power to breakthrough. In this episode, you’ll find out how.
Breakthrough: Get Unstuck Through God’s Power
This 5-part series is about experiencing breakthrough and get unstuck. Being stuck is no fun, and it inhibits growth. But it’s also one of the hardest struggle to get through because there never seems to be a way out. This series starts with how King David encountered God and praised him as “God of the Breakthrough.”
Blog post: https://story.ignite-sf.com/the-hard-truth-about-being-a-wife
Many topics, especially about the Biblical, respectful, submissive, “helping” role of the wife, are extremely volatile, for men and for women, both -- but understandably more so for women. To fruitfully tread upon this topic area, we need to agree on the importance of seeking the truth. Accepting the Truth based on Scripture is hard because God’s truth often doesn’t support our personal rights and does not reinforce our belief in being Right. So any discussion on hard truths ultimately force a confrontation between our desire, our need, our preference to be “right” -- which we can always ultimately justify -- and being in the Truth.
Summary
In this message, I make the case that most families and churches do not cultivate the development of wifehood. And that, as a result, many women enter their marriages without the essential fundamentals. Not only is an an absence of knowledge, but it is a playbook of poor practices that women get from their other mothers, the culture, and often times, from their church.
The irony is that men can’t get off the hook, for Scripture actually places the root responsibility of teaching how to be a wife upon them (I, at least, am playing my part). That responsibility, however, is actually a core reason wifehood isn’t taught well or isn’t actively sought, and as a result, is a deep rooted dilemma.
The dilemma, however, isn’t problematic for its own sake: it uncovers a failure to embrace the Gospel, specifically the church’s relationship to Christ. This elevates both the difficulty of accepting truth and, more importantly, great urgency to understand it deeply.
Proverbs has many verses about the "quarrelsome wife." Is this just a chauvinist "truism" about nagging, and it's just a state of marriage to be expected? Or is there something real behind Scripture's warnings against this? Find out in this episode on the Real Dangers of the Quarrelsome Wife.