The 365 Project Pt. II: Recent Episodes
Eric Wallack
Part II of the 365 Project I began on April 20, 2007 (archived at www.songjournal.podomatic.com) whereby I wrote, recorded and uploaded a song a day for 365 days.
Completed April 19, 2008.
Thanks for listening! Please drop me a note if you wish: bhagiti at yahoo dot com
we all get here eventually beginnings and endings are all the same blips on radar screens on and off again forgetting the before and after and in between
what happens between flashes of light is the mystery of darkness where we become who we really are where there lost in the dark we are always found
make your middles count the riddle of the hill is in the climbing the quickest way down is to bow
sand becomes the glass and the glass returns to sand like three vultures up in the tree behind my house still no not yet boys maybe next year
make your middles count the riddle of the hill is in the climbing the quickest way down is to bow
epw 4.19.08 perrysburg, oh
everything in its place every nothing in its nowhere from nothing sprouts green again in everywhere there is void
our hearts sutras beating out form and nothingness our unfortunate heads lost in clouds formerly pieces of oceans
we are of each other and for each other our blood the roads of antiquity the spirals of everything to come
why am i crying i still have tomorrow but i hate calendars now i understand what that all means and i’m sorry i made you to die
we are of each other and for each other our blood the roads of antiquity the spirals of everything to come
and i’m sorry i made you to die
epw 4.18.08 perrysburg, oh
every day we try to do our best or something as long as we try we rise
i am lost again in the forest in my heart through the soft pines the wind sings
pines and the sea always there for me the moon and stars always a mystery
i will not forget the birds have eaten the bread crumbs but there’s no need to return
pines and the sea always there for me the moon and stars always a mystery
epw 4.17.08 perrysburg, oh
i want to get lost in space it’s like the ocean so cold you can’t breathe but it’s as big as everywhere
i’d take one last look at the christmas lights below before reconciling my differences with the moon
floating and sinking it’s all the same thing buoyed up or pulled down by something unseen either way you let yourself go
i want to take a minute and stretch it wide pull it hard enough and make it last as long as forever
floating and sinking it’s all the same thing buoyed up or pulled down by something unseen either way you let yourself go
epw 4.16.08 perrysburg, oh
not until you dip your toes into a soggy desert or walk across a dusty sea will you finally know that every contradiction is righted in each and every disbelief
we turn out the light to say goodnight we wave goodbye to taillights down the driveway and sometimes hello really means goodbye i’m raising my hand
one of everything every year and every year another my basket is nearly full
maybe the wrong number messages on my machine are really for me but joseph it seems he’s in a heap of trouble we pull our own oars but i’m so tired
one of everything every year and every year another my basket is nearly full
epw 4.15.08 perrysburg, oh
this day picked like a bouquet burns brightly then fades withering in a glass on the table until in moonlight it is gone
we cut them short of our own desire forgetting the cut we give ourselves stealing what it gives easily for free
seize no day surrender and be swept away seize no day be ready for anything
the glass is good for pinching sand and killing lilies the watchmaker an undertaker and the florist the mortician
seize no day surrender and be swept away seize no day be ready for anything
epw 4.14.08 perrysburg, oh
what gets touched into existence isn’t always touched nor does it always exist but there it is regardless
the woods grows to and from the sun bending and twisting a vocabulary its own before the axe rewrites
i didn’t lose myself i didn’t disappear what now
crudely paint over the top of what was before listen now no more of this we’ve had our fill let this be testimony
i didn’t lose myself i didn’t disappear what now
epw 4.13.08 perrysburg, oh
over and over and over and done these are the best days these are the last wake with me tomorrow be here the next soon now i’ll lay you to rest
how many flowers countless come go and come again when the green is wet and the sun is new winter’s moon has set and soon will you
we can relive this all again we can relive this all again i’ll leave it here for you
let’s water our beds one last time and see what new will rise from this clay wake with me tomorrow be here the next soon now i’ll lay you to rest
we can relive this all again we can relive this all again i’ll leave it here for you
epw 4.12.08 perrysburg, oh
like whistles made of bones wind blows through and we sing again before our dust melts into clay
like lowering yourself into a bathtub full of lightbulbs careful now be gentle or you’ll soon be ribbons
no fetishes or shrines no socks over our hands will protect us from harm or deliver us from ourselves
like irises smell of grapes protected by green swords and beestings be wary or soon you’ll be honey
no fetishes or shrines no socks over our hands will protect us from harm or deliver us from ourselves
epw 4.11.08 perrysburg, oh
all ghost stories are mostly true oh you poor dead what can you do trapped here you fools what are you holding on to
we grieve and let go but you refuse to leave it’s ok there’s nothing you can can say we understand go now it’s time for you all to all leave
float away disappear don’t you understand once i would have killed to be you but that was a long time ago now i can wait
we forgive you dying it comes to us all how many times we wished we could leave and when it’s time we drag our feet and our chains
float away disappear don’t you understand once i would have killed to be you but that was a long time ago
epw 4.10.08 perrysburg, oh
there ain’t much chance of gettin’ by all alone in this world everything is all too much even the stars in the sky every one they’ve all got names
so whatcha gonna do sittin’ all alone in your cave better start looking hard for someone who you know you won’t drive insane
and jesus he don’t answer his own phone it’s either been disconnected or no one’s home
so who ya gonna call there ain’t much time to get this done everything is all too much sooner or later the pieces fall and where they land is where you’ll stand
and jesus he don’t answer his own phone it’s either been disconnected or no one’s home
epw 4.9.08 perrysburg, oh
you were there but i didn’t fully recognize you among the old and plumping kids from school
you were the same as then but now streaks in your hair we held each other and said everything
i woke up sad but still you can’t lose what you never had
and later after everything and more we rolled tape and played weirdly knowing thurston would approve
i woke up sad but still you can’t lose what you never had
epw 4.8.08 perrysburg, oh
i was shocked to see jim in his gaudy leather suit made soft by tannic acid and pee before we went outdoors to the halloween parade with its egg races and hugging contests i squeezed too hard and stepped over the line later in a gallery some changes were made and i observed pictures of furniture and letches in old cars from a bed in the center soon it was clear i was unwelcome so i found something to eat and thought long and hard about minneapolis
epw 4.7.08 perrysburg, oh
today we look down and smile every tiny sprig coiled and ready to become every worm wakes to make his way through the damp
today the sun will warm the backs of our necks through a breeze still cold with winter’s dying breath birds wing above the end of sleep
it’s all over too soon barely goodbye and now another how could i have known one year ago
today i put the basement to rest shut down the blue fire horseshoe tossed out the box of dust and broken glass bulb spider hulls
it’s all over too soon barely goodbye and now another how could i have known one year ago
epw 4.6.08 perrysburg, oh
i’m still stunned i am amazed at smallness in the face of simplicity
the songs have have begun water retreats into the soft mossy damp
o primavera your fates ghostly in orange groves arrows of desire soon to fool away
the robin and jay reclaim branches ready to swagger in green and violet
o primavera your fates ghostly in orange groves arrows of desire soon to fool away
epw 4.5.08 perrysburg, oh
every saturday wished for is a friday forgotten how many can you afford to miss
it’s moving too fast it won’t slow down like cards flipping through spokes it doesn’t stop
today means everything now like yesterday did then and tomorrow will again
write every book of friday each with no beginning every ending a different surprise
today means everything now like yesterday did then and tomorrow will again
epw 4.4.08 perrysburg, oh
most of these are whiskers grown from follicles of morning each touching the edges of the day to judge its size and see if i’ll fit
but these are faulty antennae allowing me to pass through each time regardless of whatever warning is implied or forgotten
lacking agility and grace i trip my way through each time every day a fishmarket in china and glass and my attraction only threatens to destroy it
epw 4.3.08 perrysburg, oh
rise oh rise and shine erase a night of dreams things aren’t what they seem
i showed you where the bees were in bowls above our heads barefoot insensitive we didn’t know
never trust anyone who says trust me never believe anyone who says believe me
rise oh rise and shine every day is unmeant we pretend they are more
trust me trust me i don’t believe you i don’t believe you
epw 4.2.08 perrysburg, oh
everyone’s afraid of something spiders dreams or dying sometimes i’m afraid of everyone i wish i could stay inside and not come out for days
everyone’s mad at something ignorance or the guy on tv sometimes i’m mad at myself i wish i could do it all over and not make a single mistake
stop worrying no brown recluse or chain gang dreams are going to put an end to this
everyone’s in love with something money beauty or living sometimes i’m in love with nothing like everything’s a prison and together we have it all
stop worrying no pretty face or sacks of gold can make something of this
epw 4.1.08 perrysburg, oh
hope filled like so many balloons can rise and float away tugging us along held by strings we refuse to let go
we are pulled down strange city streets and through country lanes the moment we stop looking up we arrive
what we let go floats higher and away when seen by strangers a thing of mystery and wonder
when strange streets reveal their patterns and the codes of backroads deciphered grow routines it’s time to let go
what we let go floats higher and away when seen by strangers a thing of mystery and wonder
epw 3.31.08 perrysburg, oh
march out your lions tamed by lambs what flowers will april’s fools bring
water cycles in and out of my basement pushed out by pumps into the yard to sink into the yellow grass and return again and again
push your lilies and bleeding hearts out into april we’ll mourn the dead and kiss new life into everything left behind
we will dream of years to come
epw 3.30.0 perrysburg, oh
crystal blue showing through the trees the ice melts again the snow recedes
how many more times how many more times
we wake and wonder what does each day bring but really we bring the day
every time every time every time every time
my three buzzards will be back soon to see if i have grown fat or wasted as a rail
i don’t know what they will make of me they haven’t changed and they never will
every time every time how many more times how many more times how many more times
epw 3.29 08 perrysburg, oh
hello again snow i have no choice but to accept you and i am amazed
no date in a book tells you when to come and go you fall when you will
and this is the truth we lost it long ago
i won’t wait when it’s time to fall we know inside when it’s time anyway
and this is the truth we lost it long ago
epw 3.28.08 perrysburg, oh
sometimes we’re stunned into sunlight too quick to adjust our eyes still living by sleepy moonlight flowers trapped inside our tongues still taste like each other
but days push envelopes of resistance we open them dead letters all blank sheets for us to write ourselves into and out of lies white paper flags of surrender
we’ve all lost us some things might as well give ‘em away first lighten the bones loosen the ropes everything be all right soon
a moment in forever means more than an hour to a day like firefly ovaries they are tiny but mean everything to lightening bugs set on sagging through summer
we’ve all lost us some things might as well give ‘em away first lighten the bones loosen the ropes everything be all right soon
epw 3.27.08 perrysburg, oh
fifty million birds in the trees push push they’re impatient to get on with spring and all together chatter and sing
fifty million specks in the trees push push bold and lean bellies eager for seeds from trees still to leaf in greens
for the last time this year the moon collapses in on itself
fifty million screams of joy and release push push swirling around me as the sun holds out just a little longer each day
for the last time this year the moon collapses in on itself
epw 3.26.08 perrysburg, oh
we’re not growing old together you and i no i did you in from the start soon one of us has to go and we both know who
i didn’t think it would be like this yet again i count down to another end this i have made myself there is no stopping it
from now on none as bad as this i will do my best i will do my best
and knowing this the seasons cycle but unlike me this thing will be done and you and i will be one i’ll show you
from now on none as bad as this i will do my best i will do my best
epw 3.23.08 perrysburg, oh
ghosts and the living haunt me the same there’s no difference between waking and the dead
nothing that can be touched is real but everything i hold in my arms is warm and true
every night we walk to the place but we both know better than this
and i inscribed every name on each of them with my fingertips my blood in every stone all my own
every night we walk to the place but we both know better than this
epw 3.24.08 perrysburg, oh
i never thought that i would make it this far seems like everything’s made up and that nothing’s real here’s to fuckin’ up let’s raise our glass and spend it all
i remember every single time that i was wrong you didn’t think i was counting but you were gone it’s time i make amends for this but i don’t know how
i would do anything to change everything that i have done but it would never be enough
i promise you to my dying day that i will never forget anything that we dreamed would be everything that we promised we’d never lose
i would do anything to change everything that i have done but it would never be enough
epw 3. 23.08 perrysburg, oh
nothing rushes in to fill this vacuum the hollow remains there’s no putting your finger on what’s not there
soon everything is filled up with whatever finds its way there mostly runoff and refuse but i am prepared
i did this to myself i do not know why once i dipped in the stream but instead of using my gils i sprouted legs for land
now i cannot go back forbidden to return the once cool water now salty and warm tears of my own making but not my own
epw 3.22.08 perrysburg, oh
oceans of endings wash over me wash over me i sink willingly into your blue and green permanence
i am here of my own accord i dove headfirst into the warm brine a sea of my own making
and as i sink above me is the walnut shell canoe i left you for your safe departure into forever
oceans of endings wash over me wash over me what have i done what have i done
epw 3.21.08 perrysburg, oh
there you were under our feet all along a miracle of birdseeds and peanut dreams
how did you do it did you make the leap fall through the cracks where did you go
when hope is lost hearts will still be mended stitched up in miracles and wonder
soon you’ll be back in your socks and the world will be new again we’ve changed
when hope is lost hearts will still be mended stitched up in miracles and wonder
there you were under our feet all along a miracle of birdseeds and peanut dreams
how did you do it did you make the leap fall through the cracks where did you go
epw 3.20.08 perrysburg, oh
last night listening to nico she told me i was beautiful and alone she was half right i took down the mirrors long ago
i remember we found two aerosol cans in a field we tossed them into the sky and they sprayed us with insecticide
everybody’s insides are full of surprises stop looking in order to see
none of this means a thing yet it’s all true every day has passed and the ones still to come are undone they wait
everybody’s insides are full of surprises stop looking in order to see
epw 3.19.08 perrysburg, oh
all of us and more waist deep formed a circle in the shallows hand in hand we started to spin clockwise faster and faster
and when i jumped i missed the raft and everybody laughed but i had already made my plans for raw fish in france
at some point everyone needs to escape first chance you get let yourself go
the spinning circle soon collapsed in on itself made a huge splash i soon discovered that raw fish in france is only good for cats
at some point everyone needs to escape first chance you get let yourself go
epw 3.18.08 perrysburg, oh
yesterday everything was brown like the cold that’s trying to warm toledo was yawning and above it a yellow kite flew tethered to a wish
spring is ready to open its eyes what will today bring how will i remember another year i have nothing to fly over this sleepy city
you can let go your string or wind it back everything that wakes sleeps again
no holding out on inevitability the spinning never stops day to night cold to hot sunlight to moonlight white to green to brown again
you can let go your string or wind it back everything that wakes sleeps again
epw 3.17.08 perrysburg, oh
anything that can’t be undone can still be forgiven in the moment there is only now and what will be
the failure of the word cuts the cat in two the flute silent until we stop trying then the song returns
like trees growing in eaves troughs the world is where we make it
self like robes dropping away is merciless ashamed of our nakedness so let it go and sing with me now
like trees growing in eaves troughs the world is where we make it
epw 3.16.08 perrysburg, oh
i can tell it’s almost time you’re almost ready to wake again you smell of moss and mud hullo hullo
how did you sleep what did you dream did you miss the moon and stars did you think you wouldn’t wake
it’s time again i’ve missed you remember me i waited for you
take your time but don’t wait too long there’s water and light enough for you here to awake awake
it’s time again i’ve missed you remember me i waited for you
epw 3.15.08 perrysburg, oh
morning is hollow and strong like bamboo it props up each day effortlessly and through it our breath sings
how many times i have wished you away holding out on night afraid you would kill my sad old moon
no but it was me my hands still dusty with the deed
but that was then now i hold morning tight giver of life a daily miracle bedclothes of the tired moon
as for me my hands still dusty but now i can see
epw 3.14.08 perrysburg, oh
all night long turning and turning give a dog a bone the moment the choir intones the last hour is the longest
a crazy plane too powerful for the sky explodes the holes where everyone falls are four feet deep in solid stone
i can’t make it stop it won’t go away a meal in the making feasted upon by dreaming
the wrong house and the wrong family you called and i couldn’t talk it was easter in the kitchen and i was bound for the hill
i can’t make it stop it won’t go away a meal in the making feasted upon by dreaming
epw 3.13.08 perrysburg, oh
where does it all come from is it new or has it always been here waiting
i skied across an ohio hillside at night chased by a white leopard that didn’t eat me
pictures of locker rooms in a book i didn’t want to see on the cover an ocean horror a girl turning into a fish in agony before being swallowed by a rusty mechanical whale
why am i so upset by this
epw 3.12.08 perrysburg, oh
i want to make a day of sleep and for a night stay awake wrapped in a blanket of dark pierced by silver freckles of light
when it was over i would try to remember every second of both and try to make something of it even if it was nothing
as it is every day i feel like i’m losing ground i feel like every day i’m further behind
just to count hours as if they were days minutes or seconds for each to be lifetimes rising and falling i would write their histories
as it is every day i feel like i’m losing ground i feel like every day i’m further behind
epw 3.11.08 perrysburg, oh
the amp hum tone arm drop and pedal click all a simple ecstasy in utter simplicity your theresa’s entrails pierced and burning like no bernini dare fuck with his angel no yours a beauty in direct shuddering communion sculpted in vacuum tube heat and wire all drifting and round and later you with the bearded prophet fahey make dark the night and cold the ground again before the terror and mercury-tasting dread of the sea sublime in horror and capacity overwhelms desperate shouts incapable of overcoming certainty dumbfounded by arrogance and pointless resistance and here your shaking stops like the heart before golden arrows penetrate and rend us immune
epw 3.10.08 perrysburg, oh
we give and take away daylight as if we can every four years an extra day because we don’t understand universal clockwork
who needs clocks when we have the stars mark each month by hot or cold sense of smell and the color of light dissolved in water
none of this matters anyway mark them however you want returns return and back again
light and dark are made by myth and desire there is nothing else to know just accept and give yourself to the invisible coil that turns it all
none of this matters anyway mark them however you want returns return and back again
epw 3.9.08 perrysburg, oh
do flowers dream of becoming trees sick of their hollow stems full of milk for flowers and food for bees
what ocean doesn’t dream of falling into the himalayas or rolling down the faces of lovers before returning
we are ashes once and again from the ground and back again
one day the sky will take it’s leave and like the moon the earth sad cold silver dust endlessly spinning
we are ashes once and again from the ground and back again
epw 3.8.08 perrysburg, oh
and soon it was time and i didn’t want to let it go but there it was in the white room with the drain on the floor
eventually we’re all empty dry hollow husks depleted vessels of memory
so i squeezed and the drain did its job and all i wanted was to tell you one more thing but it was too late
and the doctor wasn’t right his eyes wide red and damp showed me how to make it nice and neat but never happy
eventually we’re all empty dry hollow husks depleted vessels of memory
epw 3.7.08 perrysburg, oh
eventually the bubbles in us rise there will be clarity from the hillsides all things grow before they die we will rise we will rise
behind a white flag is no place to hide i was wrong and what i’ll pay is nothing compared to this before i die i will rise i will rise
apologies like murdering crows won’t save the corn there are always feathers everywhere
i will find a way out of myself somehow so none of this goes to waste all things grow before they die you will rise you will rise
apologies like murdering crows won’t save the corn there are always feathers everywhere
epw 3.6.08 perrysburg, oh
how many last straws and camel’s backs how many lives left in this poor cat i’ve given it all i’ve paid in full this white flag is all i have left
we’ve already been through this there’s no use trying to push me more i’ve given it all i’ve paid in full besides you gave me your word
it’s almost over anyway just a few more weeks and i’m gone start counting
there’s no going back don’t know what i’d do if i could it wouldn’t change that i’ve given it all i’ve paid in full remember you went after me
it’s almost over anyway just a few more weeks and i’m gone start counting
epw 3.5.08 perrysburg, oh
it was still daylight wandering from room to room taking one last look i tossed one lit stick of dynamite into the living room and out the fire escape i leapt moving quickly farther away it was suddenly dark as made my way down main street when the light flashed the street rippled and for a moment i was lifted off the sidewalk and i heard glass starting to fall closer but by the time it hit me it was only water i looked back no pillar of salt and everything was gone
epw 3.4.08 perrysburg, oh
like everyone else i live in houses made of cards pictures pasted on each a museum recreated in celluloid
and last night this one complete with cardboard friends from the past and open walls to the outside collapsed
shuffle the deck roll the bones read the leaves it’s gonna rain again regardless
they all go up and come down again get used to beginnings and endings change is unavoidable
shuffle the deck roll the bones read the leaves it’s gonna rain again regardless
epw 3.3.08 perrysburg, oh
soon begins winter’s gracious leave accepting receding disappearing into the underbrush and overpasses
we can all feel it softly begin the thrush no longer deceived fills himself with beginning and sings
i begin my goodbye everyday i was here with you and i will be again
the sky plump with blue and promise reflects and contains all that pushes against it which is to say we are our own skies
i begin my goodbye everyday i was here with you and i will be again
epw 3.2.08 perrysburg, oh
it’s remarkable what’s forgotten and what is not fishing line caught on a car sinking to the bottom a sea lion in a boat his flippers poking through the holes
all this for mercy strange misunderstood joy what i can’t erase becomes a tragedy or comedy of helplessness that i dove into headfirst i dove into headfirst
and that wasn’t all when the boats pulled round and everyone pulled and pulled in i went and saw everything attached sad faces and everything wrecked all hooked to invisible lines which i proceeded to cut
epw 3.1.08 perrysburg, oh
venus your birth heralded in egg whites and minerals far less delicate than the waves licking at your pearlescent emergence
blown into existence by cherubim winds reverent and adoring in awe of your immediacy and immodesty
you know what it means to drop your finger across your breast just enough to reveal what later your creator would try to destroy insane with righteousness repentant for the audacity of genius and youth
but now and forever it is you eternally in birth your suspect virginity against greens and blues your oyster opened forever your smile saying more than you are willing to admit
epw 2.29.08 perrysburg, oh
on the eve of this morning i looked at my clock what did it say what did it say it’s almost today
and here it is later and still i look at the clock what does it say what does it say it’s never today
where we are is never where it seems time is longer than juniper’s green
time is no matter in our hands the only thing to do smash the clocks smash the clocks and forget today
where we are is never where it seems time is longer than juniper’s green
epw 2.28.08 perrysburg, oh
soon the caterpillar will emerge who eats all summer long never stopping for a day until his self-incarceration and emergence as a moth who won’t ever eat a thing just alive long enough to reproduce
something’s changing but i don’t know what it is there’s so much left to do but i don’t know where to to begin
i dreamt of bleeding hearts poking through the snow and plumping tiny heat sources furnaces of abstract invention and awe yet instead of being full of blood they are hollow inside like the very things they imitate
something’s aching but i don’t know what it is there’s so much left to do but i don’t know where i left off
epw 2.27.08 perrysburg, oh
from the window at the top of the garage i saw everything i wanted to see in beaver falls
cut into the side of a hill that rolled up and over it was everything it needed to be the falls golden and green
childhood doesn’t transcend illusion or myth memory a strange loop forever oscillating in a magnetic field
epw 2.26.08 perrysburg, oh
sometime days so much or so little fanning like an undersea anemone the ripples moving the curtains
sometimes nights nothing is everything moonlight slivers work their way through moving the curtains
spent like coins on so much forgotten nothing afraid these will be the same
we’re not made to make every moment count we’re wired to miss most everything moving the curtains
spent like coins on so much forgotten nothing afraid these will be the same
epw 2.25.08 perrysburg, oh
as so many times before the sun and snow play their tug of war the march lion prepares to roar
it’s inevitable it’s inevitable
the sun’s no killer winter no tomb like sleep under blankets a dream time and time again make room
it’s unavoidable it’s unavoidable
it’s time to give in let it wash all over you wait for it wait for it you’ll know when it's time to begin
higher and higher longer and longer the sun regains his watch the guard changes again
it’s unavoidable it’s inevitable
it’s time to give in let it wash all over you wait for it wait for it you’ll know when it's time to begin
epw 2.24.08 perrysburg, oh
oh how many times again and again i keep spiraling spiraling down rabbit holes vortexes of my subconscious through the illusion of my self the fun house mirror of truth distorted for laughs instead of horror face to face with the grotesque realization that ugliness and beauty are strange chemical reactions firing deep inside corpuscles and synapses unbroken lost highways trapped inside a one-hundred and forty-five pound universe there aren’t days weeks months or years only moments each more confusing and complicated than the next and it’s all so simple when you really think about it then forget it’s all so simple
epw 2.23.08 perrysburg, oh
it was today about thirty years ago today colder than hell the mist off the river held tight the trees in heavy glass pulled them right down
we pressed eggs to see how much they could take and i was surprised it was so much before the pop and fingers wet with almost chickens
i found this all in an old notebook i don’t remember any of this but it’s got my name all over it
i slept for two days in a bed full of leaves it says here they smelled like dirt not in the bad way like cardboard or death but like how it is outside
and there’s a note it should be filmed in color that there’s never enough black and white and it should stay like that too much color’s got me down
i found this all in an old notebook i don’t remember any of this but it’s got my name all over it
epw 2.22.08 perrysburg, oh
at the old athletic field it was redwing before we crawled up and over the door to find the cupboards bare
and that wasn’t all arms sore we were hungry then they took our names and told us that it really wasn’t redwing
has the hole been dug for me i am ready to fill it up now
after so many laps it became something that i wanted there we all were playing something it was redwing
has the hole been dug for me i am ready to fill it up now
epw 2.21.08 perrysburg, oh
the wake up disc spins me awake again i never make it through the first verse and i don’t remember the rest
dreaming thirteen or twenty years at a time is exhausting i am ready to trade all the dreaming for sleep
just for a little while just for a little while i’m running low just for a little while
sometimes it just won’t stop no matter how hard i try sleep escapes me and i am at the mercy of dreams
just for a little while just for a little while i’m running low just for a little while
epw 2.20.08 perrysburg, oh
we pulled doors off and put them back up again so many leaning houses yearning to fall over
we sit inside them all waiting for them to collapse and fill them up with fish and hungry cats
the refuge for unwanted guests a welcome long overstayed send them all into the desert and walk away
seasons change on cardboard slides placed behind plastic horses who smile in plastic haybale pens
pull everything off the top of rickety wardrobes everything is shaking its way to the ground
the refuge for unwanted guests a welcome long overstayed send them all into the desert and walk away
epw 2.19.08 perrysburg, oh
who were you there all newness and warm underneath the blanket outdoors
what book’s title was it that i couldn’t write even though i tried a hundred times
i tried a hundred times but i couldn’t remember the words twisted and changed before me
i was lost in a giant blue aquarium moving past obedient schoolchildren and eels
pushed from behind by impatience late for class i realized wouldn’t make it back
i wouldn’t make it back no matter how hard i tried to retrace my steps everything had changed
epw 2.18.08 perrysburg, oh
what is spectacular is that we can’t see a thing we cannot comprehend the simplest forgotten speck everything is born from unimaginable complexity and strangeness none of which we should ever understand it would only ruin it all for magic and ritual nightmares and myths dance song lore and dreams of returns should be all that is necessary everything is better unknown where we define ourselves by our ability to imagine wonder or forget apathy separates the living from the dead poets be shamans of dark and light lead us into mystery and awe sharpen the edges of fears and bury sunlight in our bellies paint beetles in silver iridescence and keep the slowly twisting vortex of dreams spinning
epw 2.17.08 perrysburg, oh
you can dream your way into life you can dream your way in to love you can dream your way into dreams and you can dream your way out of them again
you can live your way into dreaming you can love your way into dreams you can dream your way into dreams and you can live your way out of them again
so many times i wished for wings to fly i wouldn’t look down only up
you can sing your way into song you can dance your way into prayer you can squeeze the life out of yourself and squeeze it all back into yourself again
so many times i wished for fins to swim nowhere to look only be
epw 2.16.08 perrysburg
no matter if you’re walking out slowly into open sea or letting go of tree branches for cool blue sky it’s all in the mind
we are not what we think we are only eggshells and gauze the rest inside pushing against the walls no it’s all in the mind
we are something you and i like stepping into a tv set and looking back out into the sofa we are something you and i
even when our containers begin to fail we are still like children inside and we continue to dream live and love all in the mind
we are something you and i like stepping into a tv set and looking back out into the sofa we are something you and i
epw 2.15.08 perrysburg, oh
love like spring is born again and again tenacious and persistent it pushes through the death of winter regardless
love like summer glows heated from far fiery furnaces taking its power from long forgotten sources
love like autumn braces itself for the assailment of time throwing off colors and retaining only its essence
love like winter sleeps dreaming of birth a resurrection of water and green melting together into a ripe embrace
love is a blanket that smooths itself of its own accord under it we succumb to its warmth and dream
epw 2.14 08 perrysburg, oh
a mousetrap and a long walk back to the house these were not for you no we had to wait
different drums beating time on different days these were not for you no we had to wait
time is not up to us we wait unaware that we’re waiting until it happens one day and we say i’ve been waiting for this
sleeplessness the lair of disjointed dreams these were not for you no we had to wait
time is not up to us we wait unaware that we’re waiting until it happens one day and we say i’ve been waiting for this
epw 2.13.08 perrysburg, oh
the new morning drop hits again and splits into a million possibilities
each droplet a mirror and viewfinder microscope reflecting the infinite closeup
one chooses me and the day unwinds in the cool spray of the ultimate ocean
day after day another and another and eventually we’re all soaked to the bone
we have our feet wet but none of us can hold our breath long enough to know
so it’s each day another and another a peek into now through a liquid pinhole
day after day another and another and eventually we’re all soaked to the bone
epw 2.12.08 perrysburg, oh
words fill my mouth in a deep kiss that won’t let go none of which makes sense but like haiku means everything
short and long in syllables and lips only the essence remains told again the simplest way inside
the first syllable and a sound long forgotten we are born from this
a wordless code in lips without words speaking in tongues silently invoking the spirit of the divine moment
the first syllable and a sound long forgotten we are born from this
epw 2.11.08 perrysburg, oh
once again the sun makes like a ray of hope it burns through the cold and wind a laserbeam heartbeat
i’ll squint my eyes i’ll squint my eyes and everything will blend together melting into one complete truth
don’t look directly don’t look directly it’s too much all at once it’s too much all at once
it’s hard to know what is greater the ice at the poles or the sun at the equator every one feels it sometime
don’t look directly don’t look directly it’s too much all at once it’s too much all at once
epw 2.10.08 perrysburg, oh
sun glazed morning the sea has receded trees no longer poke through the backyard mirror my flimsy raft at rest wedded to the hillside once again
so this is how it is the rising and falling again and again i can’t stop my fascination with it i am consumed by its aggressive and ceaseless repetition
i throw myself in and out of it unable to lose my hold on my own ability to make up my mind as if i have a choice there is nothing else there is only this
drink up starfish drink up you’re running dry the tides will roll in and away before you know it we are flotsam and jetsam each of us wait in low tidepools slowly dissolving in the sun
epw 2.9.08 perrysburg, oh
no morning plausible ricochet ricochet i bounce through today trying to hit every part at least once
no mourning possible explain explain the wager between impulse and action a death note
the heart a sea it rises and falls rises and falls its mysteries beneath
no warning permissible refrain refrain throw yourself entirely into the unknown at least once
the heart a sea it rises and falls rises and falls its mysteries beneath
no morning plausible ricochet ricochet i bounce through today trying to hit every part at least once
epw 2.8.08 perrysburg, oh
i am standing in the middle of yesterday surrounded by water anchored and ringing my bell i am a buoy
where are you where did you go i’ve put out seeds to lure you back
how can you rise to meet each wave rolling toward you tethered to the bottom please cut me free
i dreamt the water lapping at the walls in my cellar was my own personal ocean i charted it searching for you
where are you where did you go a heart is broken be a miracle
epw 2.7.08 perrysburg, oh
water everywhere it’s seeping though the cracks i am floating in it my house a flimsy raft and me no casual stowaway
it keeps pushing its way in and i keep pushing it back again a grim game and the outcome inevitable water always wins
look for higher ground or dive in deep either escape or accept fate
the house drifting now no compass or charts adrift i concede to this strange sea rising water older than time conquers all
look for higher ground or dive in deep either escape or accept fate
epw 2.6.08 perrysburg, oh
every disappearing act has something to show for it winter to water darkness to light even the new moon is full again
venus has given up her hold on the night and i miss her winter to winter daytime to night even the full moon is new again
wash away wash away every morning something lost every morning something new
every exchange made trades in loss and gain as if winter is water darkness is night or that the moon can be new again
wash away wash away every morning something lost every morning something new
epw 2.5.08 perrysburg, oh
in love we are made invisible we become a vortex into each other
the outside world ceases while we tumble into an existence unseen and unknown
created first by fingertips then lips and eventually everything that can’t be said is a struggle of doubt and desire
in love we are made invisible we become a vortex into each other
epw 2.4.08 perrysburg, oh
it’s all standing still behind the house trees silent and motionless the white sky mirrors the ground and recedes into railway dreams of escape
underneath sleepers sleep thirty-three heartbeats in an hour while mine skips and murmurs rumors of memory sighs of the morning and you
silence i have disturbed you forgive me silence i don’t understand
my ears ring and i slow myself wondering how much longer how many more days i haven’t counted i’m afraid to look i know you are getting sleepy
silence i have disturbed you forgive me silence i don’t understand
epw 2.3.08 perrysburg, oh
all this talking about nothing yes i am guilty i am guilty i have forgotten birthdays i’ve wasted too much time yes i am guilty i am guilty
last night i dreamt i was teaching kids to fly but they just threw food i wanted to hear their songs i made fun of bob dylan he was there
he said this ain’t no part of nuthin’ this ain’t no part of nuthin’
i handed ‘66 dylan a notebook the photos flashed and he laughed his eyes closed behind shades as he wrote the talmud of dirt and speed
he said that ain’t no part of nuthin’ that ain’t no part of nuthin’
epw 2.2.08 perrysburg, oh
winter regardless twists and pushes upward and around no smile or frown just the work of cold blown powder prism reimagined impermanence rounding off corners and points dulling the sharpness of dawn skittering across windows crackling howling at no moon pelting hunkered rabbits shuddering against inevitability
winter regardless expands and contacts barely obeying invisible boundaries of high and low no discontent no seeds of death merely perseverance and purpose without malice or vengeance
winter regardless rises in arabesques and falls fainting in spirals of shimmering temporary powders of cold
epw 2.1.08 perrysburg, oh
i can’t refuse touch’s touch no there’s got to be another way i can’t help it any more no i can’t help it
the dust of ancient comets has finally arrived and it is falling it can’t be helped any more no it can’t be helped
love is the invisible illusion found sleeping in empty boats
what splendor is this untouched no there’s got to be another way i can’t help it any more no i can’t help it
love is the invisible illusion found sleeping in empty boats
epw 1.31.08 perrysburg, oh
days are not enough we’re stretching the limits pushing against both ends squeezing in as much as possible
how much can a day take what’s the camel’s straw where mother’s back like sidewalk cracks comes apart at the seams
i’m sleepwalking i’m no longer dreaming let’s redraw days let’s redraw days together
my bones are glass strung with rubber bands wrapped in onionskin and glue the wind threatens to erase me
i’m sleepwalking i’m no longer dreaming let’s redraw days let’s redraw days together
epw 1.30.08 perrysburg, oh
everything here is a mirror each a tiny fraction glittering abstraction some assembly required crackerjack lick and stick picture book portrait
here my childhood there my heartbreak here’s my yearbook it’s not done yet i’ve almost swallowed it whole we’re all in pieces
i’ll let you pick and choose put me together any way you like it’s always the same it’s always the same
we’re all a million pieces blown all over kingdom come we spend the rest of our lives picking them up wherever we find them
i’ll let you pick and choose put me together any way you like it’s always the same it’s always the same
epw 1.29.07 perrysburg, oh
i ask myself oh i ask myself what’s with this waiting oh i ask myself what’s this waiting for
you can’t hold oh you can’t hold out you can’t hold a grudge against this town anymore
this is not giving in this is not giving up my spring is out of season i’m a crocus poking out of the snow
i had it all wrong oh i had it all wrong i thought you were sleeping but i was me who wasn’t awake
this is not giving in this is not giving up my spring is out of season i’m a crocus poking out of the snow
epw 1.28.08 perrysburg, oh
i could linger here forever but what good what that do all good things come to those who wait and all things come to an end
spinning means darkness and light warmth and cold it cycles through and through we’re here then gone until our place is taken
rise and fall with me rise and fall just like the seas with me rise and fall
sundays wither on vines of lazy backpedaling there’s no use resisting the inevitability of monday here we’ll be again
rise and fall with me rise and fall just like the seas with me rise and fall
epw 1.27.08 perrysburg, oh
don’t think twice once is almost enough everything is becoming something anything still here we wait
remember running through rows of corn dry green over our heads i wanted to embrace the getting lost
oh the endless possibility of loss rejoice and savor the strange
i still spin until i’m disoriented i long to wake up and wonder where i am confused for a moment
oh the endless possibility of loss rejoice and savor the strange
epw 1.26.08 perrysburg, oh
friday a dustspeck promise a countdown to release the edge of a disappearing act into effortless blue simplicity
here nothing is everything and everything is nothing here touch shatters silence licked up by wordless words
let’s send our bodies out to run errands while here we pull the blankets over our heads
we will return again and again each more subtle than the last rendering ourselves from the wild clay of our own desire
let’s send our bodies out to run errands while here we pull the blankets over our heads
epw 1.25.08 perrysburg, oh
the moon is ripe again already it seems like just yesterday you turned away and goodnight i waved but here you are again venus has left you icy and pale your dusty smile hides eons of pain cursed to die and be born again every almost thirty days never enough time to love in return always the ashen object of desire never the warm touch of commitment only the lewd howls of wild lunatic gratification forever you light the secrets of myth and longing the eternal voyeur your heart breaking with each gasp and lovemaking you can only reflect not radiate it is all someone else’s not yours you long for release but you are pulled closer as you struggle to escape the seas your sole unrequited love need you their rising and falling not enough to seduce you yet you cannot give them up so you spin and spin endlessly you turn and turn again and again and i will be here i understand and we both know there’s nothing we can do soon you will decline then swell forever miscarrying your infertile womb still keeps it’s secrets only you know what love really means it is absence that defines what you are meant to be
epw 1.24.08 perrysburg, oh
birds sawing away in trees asleep dreaming what earthbound means or what freedom wedded deep in the sea might be there are dreams of foot or fin behind tiny birdlids
i used to dream i was invisible then i was for real until i could be seen again i used the time to decide between inside or outside until i realized it was all the same
oh how does it come to this how does it come to this first we’re dreaming to leave then we’re leaving to dream oh how does it come to this
we'll be buried in all this pour it on pour it on together we can wrap ourselves in blankets made from the dust of days stitched tight with threads of spit from deepest kisses
oh how does it come to this how does it come to this first we’re dreaming to leave then we’re leaving to dream oh how does it come to this
epw 1.23.08 perrysburg, oh
so cold there’s only so far you can draw yourself up to stay warm there’s only so much you can make on your own
i lay in the mouth of blue icicle works near the top of mount time waiting for the flood waiting for some green hello
i’ll wait yes i’ll wait the less time the longer it takes
patience you’re a scarcity i’ve tossed you carelessly like wing powder once removed flight is impossible left walking on awkward legs
i’ll wait yes i’ll wait the less time the longer it takes
epw 1.22.08 perrysburg, oh
under a field of glow in the dark stars my skies turned bluer than blue the floor and walls disappearing into ubiquious night
time and time meet me here again under phosphorescent strange constellations we’ll read them together every night
dreams don’t have to die at dawn dreams don’t have to die at dawn
the universe is held together by unseen glue the strongest bonds holding all things together are invisible trust in what you feel
dreams don’t have to die at dawn dreams don’t have to die at dawn
epw 1.21.08 anywhere, oh
turning and turning back so much seemingly nothing in a day turns into so much in year everything changes everything origami moths continue to flutter and tumble flowers still falling from my mouth and the course of every moment continually in flux shaped by wingbeats and heart beats every breath issued in waves an invisible shallow sea marked by bells and gulls lost over ohio found in reverie and poured over moments each sublime in staggering implication each a sun brilliant foundries of arrows forged on anvils of tomorrow
epw 1.20.07 perrysburg, oh
a box of questions and a jar full of answers no way to put the two together this is the dilemma of wanting
does happiness go with here do i turn left or is that the wife of here lies death pick any two from the hat
i want to stop asking but i’m afraid it’s the same as giving up
what is the soul of asking is the only question with no answer let it float up and away seeking the slip of paper that says
don’t stop asking don’t be afraid it’s the same as giving up
epw 1.19.08 perrysburg, oh
the silver tongue sighs the weary weep the meek dream while lovers plead and resistors resist it’s all the same song
it’s not that complicated even the parts we don’t understand or the strange harmony that spins and twists up into space
it’s all the same song the one we’re singing every open mouth from the first to the last it’s all the same song
voices rise and carry like newspapers in windstorms fragments of clues swirling like swallows pretending they know every word
it’s all the same song the one we’re singing every open mouth from the first to the last it’s all the same song
epw 1.18.07 perrysburg, oh
can you hear this close your eyes and open them again waking and sleeping are the same thing
there’s a painting by brueghel in it hunters fail heads low skaters dance below and the earth rises
resistance is futile
tension fights to pull a vibrating string taut my heart wrestles to keep it in motion forever
water the last great explorer seeks its own level we splash until the tension of surface stops us
resistance is futile
epw 1.17.07 perrysburg, oh
now it’s the long walk through winter from here on out it’s the slow recession of night and the gradual ascent of day
i cannot decide if it’s best to stand outside naked arms stretched wide or retreat into warm blankets and wait it out here with you
at the end we’ll walk out into spring and here i will be gone will be gone
slowly descending i know everything dies but it doesn’t mean what’s in between isn’t what we make of it i’m ready are you
at the end we’ll walk out into spring and here i will be gone will be gone
epw 1.16.08 perrysburg, oh
i know it’s trying to tell me something the new snow this morning but i don’t know what it is
it begs me to listen but i cannot hear a thing i am turning inside out white flag waving i surrender
i give easily i give
last night i dreamt i was falling a raindrop i was falling toward you i was trying not to miss you
i give easily i give
epw 1.15.08 perrysburg, oh
i fall into day now the place of dreams and pretend night instantly no longer the hours of make believe but still i escape under the swelling of the moon where the affirmation of love plays where the glow of electricity warms the dark day has slipped into a cold slumber and i am trapped in between while night waits to regain its sleepy crown of dreams and sand from day it’s jealous half-sister
epw 1.14.08 perrysburg, oh
louis armstrong on the radio as i waited for you wishing it was us watching ohio shoot by out the windows
sad columbus and three hours of nothing in between except lost time and a fading sense of reality
a slingshot into oblivion and you’re gone is one touch too much to ask
stardust on a weary 78 young sachmo the growl already haloed in bell brass and moonlight i’ve almost forgotten
a slingshot into oblivion and you’re gone is one touch too much to ask
epw 1.13.07 perrysburg, oh
words oh words you fail me again and again the universe in my belly a strange vessel expanding without you i’m coming apart at the seams
spiraling spiraling heat light and wave pushing outward and me a vault i beg you the key or tumble the lock i am ready to rain my cloud is full
every word here a forgery of feeling each a failure emotions wild rearing to run head- on into and over the fence a flood to change maps forever is rising
epw 1.12.08 perrysburg, oh
here made it through again but how to fill the in between of sleep and dreams
days are sharp and jagged and me softer than before i am already torn to bits
make something count make something count there’s no getting out
wait they say until danger passes but it never does it waits making strange alliances
make something count make something count there’s no getting out
epw 1.11.08 perrysburg, oh
we’ll all be forever someday or never they’re both the same thing devices we’ve imagined to measure everything in between
what does the junebug know of never there’s no difference to him being or not just to buzz slowly across a damp summer night
count backwards from one hundred eyes closed do it with me
soon i’ll stop counting i know the long and short of it depending on memory the magician of revision and grids of abstraction
count backwards from one hundred eyes closed do it with me
epw 1.10.07 perrysburg, oh
oooooooooh oooooooooh
a crystal lattice structure electrons frozen in a silicon mummy of memory circuits dance circuits dance
aaaaaaaaaaah aaaaaaaaaaah
anatomy in bright wire solder jewels beetle bug resistors and transistors circuits dance circuits dance
and here we meet like scientists of the soul we plug in our hearts so that circuits dance circuits dance
epw 1.9.08 perrysburg, oh
act 1
the action passes under starlight and blankets. a room at winter night, dark but aglow from stars and a gibbous moon. under blankets oddly lefty noodles and twenty secrets lay apart, staring at a disappearing ceiling.
lefty noodles (a beekeeper):
the ceiling recedes and we lie here apart yet together what is to be made of this
twenty secrets (a honey collector):
who are you and what am i or we all this is a dream or a hopeless invention
lefty noodles:
stardust we are all glitter inside but no gold cold until the touch reactor ignites us
chorus:
the delirious event chain the future impossible and the temperature drops
twenty secrets (moves close):
starlight is cold millions of years old most dead the rest dying once we see it’s too late
lefty noodles (moves closer):
then why wait why wait every day we waste we drop away fate is a harlequin a mannequin
twenty secrets (closer still, now touching):
all right let’s ignite starlight of our own device heat without light but tonight we dance and dance again
chorus:
the delirious event chain the future regardless and the temperature rises
(curtain) lefty noodles and twenty secrets fall asleep simultaneously dreaming, each in a universe of their own creation.
epw 1.8.08 perrysburg, oh
dutifully you rise slowly expanding one day no longer a hunter your fate falling to artemis finally relieved
within you nebulae exploding and still motionless frozen in deep space as if from stone by praxiteles hewn
cold and colder deeper and deeper banging the gate until daybreak
a construction of imagination your bow and belt an abstract conundrum light years between us and what you are
the goat and bull forever behind you for millennia no prey yet ever vigilant but dull you drift at the ready silent and dead
cold and colder deeper and deeper banging the gate until daybreak
epw 1.7.08 perrysburg, oh
i am exhausted from sleeping the night a drama where i attempt to put things right travel endlessly and astrally on land flesh and sea accomplishing little remaining motionless actually while everything before and around me swells like a rabbit in spring ripe with rabbits and it is the memory of touch and caress that slowly spins back into the illusion vortex my body slumped sleepily from sleeping in my morning chair as i make every effort to hold on to the nightlife where the answer was yes and affirmation was rendered in flesh
epw 1.6.08 perrysburg, oh
morning too much i have thought to sing you here but how much is too much never enough
morning my song time my prayer rhyme my eyes still asleep these strings an enigma
morning daughter of night mother of day pregnant again and again i issue from your belly
morning glory is yours in you my dreams still real my pain is numb and i write automatically
epw 1.5.07 perrysburg, oh
sometimes the only way out is up so i surrender myself to buoyancy bubbles race me to the surface
up out and above i continue to rise hands on naked arms caress me as i slip from sea to the night sky
grindstones and tombstones are but anchors cut them off or remain forever fastened to the bottom
always an embrace the night a lover accepting me without question every time i return my ascent continues
grindstones and tombstones are but anchors cut them off or remain forever fastened to the bottom
epw 1.4.07 perrysburg, oh
work a grindstone made from recycled tombstones is grinding me into millet
unfit for any bread i will line the pans so another can be released with ease
work a landfill into which ambition is tossed slowly poisoning the well
there discarded i await my conversion from spent ashes of inspiration to dust
epw 1.3.07 perrysburg, oh
i’m living cold this winter i rattle and hold myself close piling on clothes like a phantom embrace
fingers sluggish to the point of gross sincerity emerging from under blankets an absurdity
remember this in august remember this in august
the house creaks oddly as ice crystals push their way outward into barriers between me and snow
no complaint from me hands to my mouth robed in blankets a monk in the order of six sided surrender
remember this in august remember this in august
epw 1.2.08 perrysburg, oh
again up before the dawn chimes clatter in the owl light the sad pops and sparkles in the neighbors’ yard last night a cheap eulogy to last year and this one christened by red-eyed boozy kisses planted on the mouths of delirious strangers
i have not made the transition yet fidgeting instead under blankets sleepless the night swirling fattening itself on loneliness stingy with dreams quarreling with stars refusing their light like a bully who beats because he knows he’s wrong
here i mark out days in a year of my own invention in a ritual of embarrassment and failure broken up by gleaming jewels of radiant light and joy like david stars small glowing and defiant against the dull vast mystery of night the lingering goliath
epw 1.1.08 perrysburg, oh
reason enough though it is arbitrary to reflect assess and lay to rest the past
resolutions are for parties and change for the best or worst comes like it or not
the future a codeless code a magnetic mystery a lamia’s kiss
the only embrace fierce to reciprocate is now this moment the only truth to know
i resolve to dream to patch my leaks and to reflect assess and lay to rest my past
the future a codeless code a magnetic mystery a lamia’s kiss
epw 12.31.07 perrysburg, oh
ruth stone’s house on a vermont mountain like a movie set fifty years before i was born
in 1989 we snaked our way through old forge and into ferry addled vermont on muddy roads
there we slept under frayed gingham between dingy floral farmhouse walls ruth above us
and in the morning woodstove frypan eggs before the ride into town for a lawnmower on the blue jay way
later in your yard waist deep in grasses i cut a snake in two and cried you nearly 75 glowed and consoled me
the printing press in the barn silent and rusting that night candlelight at your summer bedside you were sick and asked us to stay
but i already had legs for wisconsin and ohio my bags packed lakes michigan and erie strange attractors i found your book today
epw 12.30.07 perrysburg, oh
first needles then needles and pins sometimes the heart needs a good pounding
religious icons and ancient amphorae smelling of fish hold no candle to light and color
a coney island small enough to fit in your pocket take it wherever you go
your love of laughs and grouchy waiters like classic film and houndstooth makes nervousness easy
this year has only a few breaths left then another and more and more you’ve been here before
a coney island small enough to fit in your pocket take it wherever you go
epw 12.29.07 perrysburg, oh
the days always run into each other this time each year as the old slips quietly away into the new no urgency or fanfare just another page to turn
for ten days no need for clocks or calendars i quickly find a rhythm of light and dark regardless of springs or grids i measure time in heartbeats
soon what we call the new year given a different number and an adjusted flawed outline in twelve will wrap itself around me tightening behind my back
but for now i will lose myself in days uncounted unaccountable for recalling what number or name we’ve stamped on this countless moon fall and sun arc
epw 12.28.07 perrysburg, oh
you don’t want to hear this i dreamt us together intertwined laughing where i ended and you began was the same thing
at least safe in dreams nothing upsets any of this and living lifetimes of open mouthed reciprocal secret passion needn’t be discussed
how can you know it’s better this way
and now i turn the house down earlier and earlier hoping dreams are kind asleep in the same dream we know not knowing the other knows
and that laughter touch tongue and skin warm flushed red urgent and aloof all surging under breath and kiss cares for thursday today
how can you know it’s better this way
bhagiti 12.27.07 perrysburg, oh
you don’t have to look before you leap just be sure you’re ready to start flapping
it’s no big deal we’re just pebbles or paper cranes either way we’ll survive the fall
the only way to know what you’re made of is to look inside
oh i got hung up on the moon and sea harsh mistresses of airless indifference
i’m ready for dry ground living soil the truth of every moment happily lost
the only way to know what you’re made of is to look inside
epw 12.26.07 perrysburg, oh
and here’s where the sky sparkling chandelier of joy and sadness makes its way on the morning of the morning
wise or fool we all follow our star and seek our truth what we find there is what we make of it this morning
less than what we imagine is always more than what we bargain for
so across skies or deserts celestial light reflected in our eyes the warmth of peace and joy in our hearts this morning
all our unfortunate heads forgiven again and again this our calliope of lights and sparkles round we go this morning
less than what we imagine is always more than what we bargain for
epw 12.25.07 perrysburg, oh
monday morning like so many before forgotten or lost to careless apathy today you will glow
every day a wonder unnoticed lost to careless distraction too many times too much goes lost
just think about it once each time just think about it once each time
yesterday is always gone tomorrow is always a dream the moment that means anything is this one
just think about it once each time just think about it once each time
bhagiti 12.24.07 perrysburg, oh
what’s this all about it’s hard trying to keep it from getting knocked out
if only we could remember if only we could remember
is it the heart or mind an easy answer but math fails and a sightless heart is blind
if only we could get it right if only we could get it right
to every scarf left on every train to every candy cane still in it’s box with no kid’s tooth to kiss to every card unsent and the office of dead letters otherwise known as the north pole
to everyone today who wonders what’s this all about and everyone without
it’s always been the heart it’s always been the heart
epw 12.23.07 perrysburg, oh
i had it my hands again last night a tape i made long ago the best thing i ever did or will do
the last time i had it in my hands i listened to it for the first time since i recorded it and i shook
it’s out there somewhere i know i will find a way someday to bring it through
last night there was no time for that i had to hold on tight and wait for morning i pressed it to my heart
of course i awoke to nothing not a trace nothing but a fading memory and a horrible cold silence
it’s out there somewhere i know i will find a way someday to bring it through
bhagiti 12.22.07 perrysburg, oh
this week’s snow is dissolving soft unbroken white glimmering nothing to hold on to he wants it to snow again and again and hide ugliness under soft jewelry to hold on to everything green hidden underneath is his and everything there’s nothing to hold on to that can’t be given back green hidden underneath is his there’s nothing to hold on to everything underneath is his there’s nothing to dissolve and everything green hidden underneath be given back eat rabbit eat there’s nothing to hold on nothing to hold on to to hold on to everything that can’t be given back is his
epw 12.21.07 perrysburg, oh
in the auditorium i was the director without direction everyone waited for a sign and i was among them
there were only fragments there was no beginning or end
we all pooled in the orchestra the lights glowed and we all fifty or eighty sang eerie and beautiful
i think i know what it means there is no beginning or end
soon it was over and we started to clear suddenly everything changed and among friends i recognized no one
yes that’s how it has to be there is no beginning or end
epw 12.20.07 perrysburg, oh
day and night have ceased to exist for me they are two opposite ends of the same thing dark in dark out and yellow light waking through the middle
and what to fill the rest with it’s missing something i can’t put my finger on it’s missing something to put my finger on and hold a little
hullo midnight let’s be asleep in the same dream hullo midnight let’s be asleep in the same dream
it’s all too obscure but there’s no other way to say it so you won’t know i spoil it with talk anyway let’s be quiet now and kiss the riddle
hullo daylight let’s be asleep in the same dream hullo daylight let’s be asleep in the same dream
epw 12.19.07 perrysburg, oh
outside it was cold dark and still the snow frozen in a pose it has held for two days
inside i lay cold and dreaming i touched all the rings and folded myself in a chair
into every door i was looking
outside the moon’s thin grin through trees sillouettes of sleeping hawks and doves play
inside it’s everything i can do to avoid serpents and the alarm both conspiring to keep me
from looking into every door
i was looking for a purple pillow
epw 12.18.07 perrysburg, oh
about six hours as the crow flies like the six hundred trillion six sided glittering diamonds per six square feet six inches deep
six strings and six silver threads tie us to constellations no longer visible through the snow obscured by street lamps falling from out of nowhere falling against our faces separated by states and whatever else unknown
may six and six my birth year in sixes your birthday a revelation a jubilation in december i imagine snow every time what has it been for you do you feel as miraculous as glorified and sublime as you should you too deserve gold frankincense and myrrh
a child of december lights on trees won’t burn as brightly no sparkle as beautiful and unsung no nativity or miracle of light means more than you tonight
epw 12.17.07 perrysburg, oh
it doesn’t matter that we don’t know the way what is lost anyway but just an excuse to be found
the road ahead a bow untied and behind ribbons fall away twisting blue black and red as veins
the mind wanders the heart stays
press your face against the glass fog it up with your dreams about losing yourself in some whistle-stop town
but i know you better than that you get restless when that whistle stops you’ll follow some other pied piper
the mind wanders the heart stays
some souls are leaky baskets pouring out over the floor to be mopped up by some fool you’ll never know
the mind wanders the heart stays
epw 12.16.07 perrysburg, oh
winter o winter bury me bury me
i can feel you in my teeth in my teeth
i’ve waited long enough
i’ve waited long enough
i’m ready i’m ready
winter o winter bury me bury me
epw 12.15.07 perrysburg, oh
i thought i’d wake up to snow but not a single flake had fallen just the flattened pale grass covered by darkness
love too waits and falls on its own terms never what we expect some mornings a wilted yellow garden and others a shimmering blanket of silver waiting in the waning moonlight
epw 12.14.07 perrysburg, oh
we built a rickety houseboat and headed down the river we were taking water on fast but then who isn’t
there was a nativity in the back underneath the gas lantern there were no gifts nobody there but us loons
we raised no flag upon this ship of fools
we tossed and bailed out the river i cast a line and hooked something unseen under the chuclking water
up to our knees the green paint peeled revealing rusty nails the lantern went out our savior was long gone
we raised no flag upon this ship of fools
epw 12.13.07 perrysburg, oh
the phone was really designed to keep people apart draw your own conclusions who’s on the other end you never know
sometimes imagination is much worse than reality ghosts and money are both monograms of the dead
i pasted up words like a fool the intended smile the only thing of value in any envelope was undeliverable
i can’t tell you everything there’s not enough time let it go
epw 12.12.07 perrysburg, oh
for the third morning in a row the alarm and the train whistle let loose at the same exact moment
sometimes i feel like i’m climbing a glass ladder that leads out of sight into the sky it leans against a vision
it’s cold here my blankets are floating away
but how many more horrible old haunted houses and sad gloom do i have to dream up before the end
so lick your finger and stick it in the air to see which way the wind is blowing i’ll be stuck here for a while
it’s cold here my blankets have floated away
epw 12.11.07 perrysburg, oh
your pictures didn’t make it through the second time the plates already scoured with naphtha and wool wiped clean of any memory
and after all what is real trapped in tin zinc or glass a frozen stare a forced smile a fight earlier in the day before one big happy family
picture book a catalog of ghosts
no soul is stolen when one doesn’t exist in the first place the shoe boxes full of empty husks and yellow cellophane attachments betray
picture book a catalog of ghosts
epw 12.10.07 perrysburg, oh
sleepless i was a carnival of lights and images flashing and a hundred different tunes all playing at the same time
all of it was a game a joke a trick to keep me from the dream i know will come where what i pretend can’t happen does
maybe it’s better this way maybe it’s better
for my own good or not i have peeked behind the iridescent curtain to glimpse the blurry fata morgana
maybe it’s better this way maybe it’s better
epw 12.9.07 perrysburg, oh
there was a time when it was all untold before we believed we were gonna get old
that’s when the moon made sense she was a looker then now she’s just another pie in the sky
the willow weeps for no one here it’s just another tree struck down by my own hands
gardens come and fishes go to unseen plateaus and slippery oceans green
you can wait for me or you can leave either way this silver light will always be
the willow weeps for no one here it’s just another tree struck down by my own hands
epw 12.8.07 perrysburg, oh
creeping creeping creeping
i am creeping along
i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired
my hands don’t know what to do
i am creeping along
epw 12.7.07 perrysburg, oh
you made all your plans and now look your head’s in your hands and you’d trade it all and you’d trade it all for the truth mirror for the truth mirror
what were you thinking what were you thinking
there isn’t a blackbird worth his pennies filched from some kid’s ear wouldn’t trade it all wouldn’t trade it all for a soothsayer for a soothsayer
what were you dreaming what were you dreaming
no skipping winter like so many stones
let go of the wheel close your eyes close your eyes
epw 12.6.07 perrysburg, oh
there is a time when the light is just right that halfway point between daylight and night when the sky for a second is silver before it slips into blue and out to black
like a ball on a rubber band out it goes and just before is snaps back for a terrible moment everything stops before reversing directions and it all comes hurtling back
between heartbeats and breaths each time everything stops and for a moment we are dead
everything that falls rises again new each time recreated in endless variations on the same theme arabesques or dreams and geometry unseen death is the responsibility of math
between heartbeats and breaths each time everything stops and for a moment we are dead
epw 12.5.07 perrysburg, oh
i snuck out of the new apartment all bricks and windows with my cassette tape camera to record the bush the playback was all footsteps and gravel i didn’t see you when you moved in you were sleeping so i drove in to morning town and realized i made it all the way home i saw my brother return to work and i followed him in they buzzed me up to the attic where we drank honey and talked about rainy day women he mimed a slide guitar lip sync mishap and we both laughed
epw 12.4.07 perrysburg, oh
somewhere between all of this and all of that three crows in the yard hold their conference
i don’t know what they are about but i know it has something to do with you it’s obvious
have you sent them are you waiting for their return they are talking among themselves
i was once a crow too when i was young thin and dark always alone cawing in bare trees
they see me looking at them through the window and know i have forgotten the rule of branch and wire
maybe it all means nothing but shrouded in black they are talking among themselves
epw 12.3.07 perrysburg, oh
angels of the first midwest slow moving silver blanket drop like tiny glittering six-sided randomly generated equations
each a lifetime and a moment enigmas we all solved long ago but forgot scratching our heads over the beakers dice and math
the neighbor’s robot idiot moon burns out the cobalt and the black discussion of night and melts away shadows of ghost deer
drop drop drop around me keep falling down down down endless repetition a simple formula we will never fully understand
epw 12.2.07 perrysburg, oh
it’s van astral weeks and all i can think sweet thing sugar baby two lesters
a romilar romantic rock & roll conquered in a car seat holy ghost
and a volkswagen camper van dad brother uncle cherry wine tears inside
lester lester
epw 12.1.07 perrysburg, oh
it’s not big news thirteen years too late but for me you died today and you die again each time someone finds and loses you
in newark rows of ailanthus ghetto palms sigh and sag trees of the cat piss smelling gods of chinatown chimeras of your mercy
how much loss your thirty nine years too soon degraded but beautiful lost and found again like the real jazz a fleeting moment
the door you fell through to the underworld exists only here now no more your wilderness a single bird created by its own ornithology
lynda hull 1954-1994
epw 11.30.07 perrysburg, oh
i want our truth to become wishes put the genie back into the bottle let her sleep eight million years is long enough
can you age my guesses you know the rumors they’re all worth living once before condemning what we all want to be
like seagulls over ohio we’re so far from home nobody told us this isn’t the sea
you’re born again and die each time you think the moon will be true and she loves only you but we both know better than that
like seagulls over ohio we’re so far from home nobody told us this isn’t the sea
bhagiti 11.29.07 perrysburg, oh
what kind of limit do you put on careless love careless dreams the spider gently bobbles down invisible silks a geometry all her own nowhere else and nowhere between
i used to think life was a rope twisted together strands of uncles and aunts mom and dad something to hold on to or let go pull yourself up or be pulled along hooked to some mystery
it was always climbing branches for bees climbing branches for bees it was always no sleep no sleep
until the anatomy of a thrush like mangled roots laid open by some thief of desire a sublime kiss of iridescence revealing the illusion of the rope and that my hold on it was a lie
it was always all forests and no trees all forests and no trees it was always the sea the sea
bhagiti 11.28.07 perrysburg, oh
the set in stone is never and expectations always fail falling short of possibilities eroded our subconscious limitations
disappointment never notices the beauty of the unanticipated the thrill in the unexpected the seductive caress of the scarce
untie me untie me let water dance across my hand
uncarve the stones erase the lines return books to leaves forget it all forget it all the instant just before the idea is the truth
untie me untie me first snow melts down my cheeks
untie me untie me let water dance across my hand
bhagiti 11.27.07 perrysburg, oh
a tiny horse and inside a sewing machine
a telephone and inside a skeleton some playing cards and a die
call me call me
we’ll sew oats and blankets underneath we’ll gamble and wake the dead
call me call me
bhagiti 11.26.07 perrysburg, oh
sitting against the cold the neighbor’s light in direct competition against the seventh full moon a six-winged sparkle flickers before me smiles and is gone
the theorem beautiful only when wrong
i am still and not yet half awake the light directly in front of me deceives as do my dreams my willingness to believe in the instant and trust the wisdom of impulse
the theorem beautiful only when wrong
bhagiti 11.25.07 perrysburg, oh
a cooper’s hawk clearly visible in the bare branches watches me bring in the yard chair far off in the distance winter heaves in anticipation
something under the leaves rustles we both look
i request an apprenticeship in fantasy my research should clearly prove that we are not trying hard enough to escape the banal
even empty-headed baloons let loose rise
bhagiti 11.24.07 perrysburg, oh
it’s all a lie we pretend we can do without that we’d give it up in an instant trading it for what we build from the ground up every night under the moon and the blanket dreaming it into a temporary non reality that we walk out of somewhere between waking and water for the coffee a smile erased by the first person to break the silence of the day already having theirs vanish moments before like everyone else every day we desperately wait for the blankets and darkness so once again architects of invisible maths and abstraction we can rebuild ourselves anew to be dropped in a world where possibilities like starlight echoing across raindrops in the night pines are endless
bhagiti 11.23.07 perrysburg, oh
thank you everything brown green and in between the backyard thistle angels the flashlight shown through pinholes
thank you everyone brown green and in between big or small you all know who you are here or not i love you
bhagiti 11.22.07 perrysburg, oh
when all your basket’s in one egg make it last make it last the night rushes away each light the ancient history of a star or some other wish a sparkling jewel reminder
careful now don’t break it down or fall apart fall apart fifty billion wishes still to come true fifty billion more to be made before the end of today each one smiles
if you come before your egg it’s over it’s over toss your basket aside you’ve spent it all and across the road with every other chicken you wait your turn
bhagiti 11.21.07 perrysburg, oh
swiss road the beaver falls backlot behind the wall of sleep i am discovered here there is no hiding no retreat
small fires burn and cars rumble through the night next door on either side work creeps closer a fungus attached to me
go back go back you’re not meant to be here
a week becomes months and a day over in an instant no teary goodbye really rids you of the overstayed welcome
go back go back you’re not meant to be here
i won’t step foot in your dreams if you stay out of mine
bhagiti 11.20.07 perrysburg, oh
dust falling outside each tiny speck winged heart beating and faceless each a mirror and a lamp
they hit the ground running and disappear their errands a secret their existence a mystery each irreplaceable
rags rags i live lifetimes under you the manor house and cave
this business outside has me in a trance through my window the moon explodes a billion times shimmering
rags rags i live lifetimes under you the manor house and cave
bhagiti 11.19.07 perrysburg, oh
i was twenty three between binghamton and elmira and this time it was horses far into green pennsylvania horses
by the time i hit elmira it was already too late i knew what it all meant the yew tree and the getting there amnesiac of stings
somewhere between love and spring holocaust and honey hung in the balance and for ariel you were an unlikely peeled godiva
by now elmira and me under the dusty moon your thief of light and all i could still see were horses far into green pennsylvania and i was
crying in elmira sylvia sylvia
bhagiti 11.18.07 perrysburg, oh
three planes spinning out of control and me falling broken into trees each time
a glass submarine deep in the green weeds blue implodes upon me miles underneath
gravity gravity undersea undersea let go your hold on me
all that breathing water deep and floating at ease up and into trees like when i was a kid
now it’s drowning and broken bones what happened in between i want to go back again
gravity gravity undersea undersea let go your hold on me
bhagiti 11.17.07 perrysburg, oh
my breath becomes blue ice crystals falling and shattering at my feet tiny jewels skittering under leaves dissolving disappearing
what if we could all forget what we never stop remembering grind it all into millet and bake it into bread and feed it to the birds
oh misery misery comfort me be my company
there’s so much i won’t tell but it’s obvious it’s all here between the lines right between the eyes like diamonds for starlight
i once taped a sigh to a tear and passed it off as a lucky charm though all it ever brought me were three tart little berries
oh misery misery comfort me oh misery misery comfort me be my company
bhagiti 11.16.07 perrysburg, oh
cadence another day like so many just before the last of night is burned away
can the painter lead the band we’re surely off the rails
patience i cannot match the pace of the dawn just before dark is split apart
gracious is the lingering of night the last holdout the final breath the hidden door
can the poet lose a hand we’re surely off the rails
bhagiti 11.15.07 perrysburg, oh
a woman says something about a couch and you’re off or gone you hammer under a line both ancient and still unwritten big and joyous and sad then everything changes an inverted vortex you ride hissing and clattering in a trance an utterance low and long less a moan more an oooo you are now a shaman of bells and prophesy warding off witches and devils eyes closed oooo you are all at once now and forever oooo you are the silver cord oooo bells intone the white-bearded prophet will soon be gone oooo but tonight the east river prophecy shrieks and murmurs incandescent tongues burn and cool in the ears oooo
bhagiti 11.14.07 perrysburg, oh
take heed the endless blue shadow inside you is soon to leave
so if you see me if you see me
take heed life is no pathless wood you're bursting at the seams
when i was more of me i was more of me
you see there was the god of unwished wishes each with a summons a delirium and oath to wash up on the shore beached breathing sand
take heed you'll wear your mouth out if you're not careful to swallow your words gulp them like so many fishes and old definitions
there was more of me was more of me there was more of me was more of me
bhagiti 11.13.07 perrysburg, oh
oh light oh light oh light
such a scarcity on these dwindling days ruled by darkness and overcome gray
oh light oh light oh light
like the dream paintings i made dark with grime and varnish i obliterated each day
and last night in my sleep my aunt’s house a gothic horror in the attics of my childhood room after room of pale yellow light fighting back the night most every body i knew was there but nobody recognized me they laughed and put me away
oh light oh light oh light
burn away these dreams make no rarity concede to darkness and rule the day
bhagiti 11.12.07 perrysburg, oh
wait wait the trees can’t stand in our place they have no regrets they never forget the hatchet they never sat with their hands over their face in some car
wait wait can you regret all the things you never thought regardless of what you were taught skip all the classes seek your wisdom in the leaves
wait wait weekend to weekend a chain gang work song striped shirt camouflage for a prison cell so you won’t be seen better to be forgotten than lost between
wait wait you only get ten hundred thousand dreams and chances are you haven’t been keeping track so dream carefully keep ‘em in a box bedside
bhagiti 11.11.07 perrysburg, oh
there’s ringing in my ears and my head full of bees
oh please please release relief
let’s wire it all down until it passes how much longer
oh please please mercy release
bhagiti 11.10.07 perrysburg, oh
my mountain heart beats windowless against the plains ohio indiano stretchmarks cut in by trains all sad in browns and grays
sometimes in the morning a wall of clouds fuchsia and orange spill up on the horizon and for a moment i am deceived
we are not who we are i am not where i am
and i’ll never be toledo never be toledo never toledo never
i am going backwards in time dragged forward blind a sailor’s grave on the prairie red and blue spiderwebs and me a moth
we are not who we are
i am not where i am and i’ll never be toledo never be toledo never toledo never
bhagiti 11.9.07 perrysburg, oh
oh your yellow green that grows and recedes you pull the seas and with wires unseen dictate my dreams
in all this time i can't get rid of what it is you mean and i don't even know what that is or what you are
sometimes the ground feels good but never the same attachments pull like gravity against the wing in dreams we fly until we realize it's only a dream
we hide and howl we fool ourselves into thinking we see ourselves or someone else when half is hidden in darkness
we'll pour out the doors and flood the basement with unrequited bewliderment soon you'll be new again while i wane
sometimes the ground feels good but never the same attachments pull like gravity against the wing in dreams we fly until we realize it's only a dream
bhagiti 11.8.07 perrysburg, oh
first it’s one followed by another then there they are a hark unnoticed celebrated or cursed each maybe fallen before but differently somewhere else six sides never before or to be again each an audible sigh a murmur that deep in the adirondak fall pats leaves a sublime gamelon barely audible but no less overwhelming today a whisper only a hark unnoticed of nights long breath visible syllables lingering in the still dark lit pale yellow blue by moonglow through the blindslits that reflect back temporary diamonds seen only at night or under gray sunlight all washed away sparkling to glisten and hiss against my leaves again
bhagiti 11.7.07 perrysburg, oh
clarity clarity what more can you ask for there’s nothing more perfect than the moment of opulent focus vivid and heavy just before the curtains are pulled closed again
on four-legged deerpath rain soaked to the bone leaves golden brown and yellow draw my eyes deep to every side and above losing focus vision smells like a burning sea
i see i see everything around me i see i see flickers and trades lies for reality
there is a sleeper in every treehollow and a home in every rotten log it’s all what we make of it before we are made or unmade like so many beds of childhood the locked states of fears
i see i see everything around me i see i see flickers and trades lies for reality
bhagiti 11.6.07 perrysburg, oh
i will dream here forever and continue to warble my song it is my hanging on it is my death trap avoidance scheme
you may look for yourself but you won’t find it here where i inhale the earth and stars die in soggy houses and dream
i had to get in the graveyard to let some people go i had to pine on a train lonely for a life i dreamed in a stone
dear diary what a thing is me emptying emptying unraveling me
why i leave it all unlocked i don’t know pry and pretend it’s you or someone you know it’s me can’t you see that the moon is me
and you and everything we’re all apart we’re all a part we’re all glow worms that from above resemble all the stars that we are
dear diary what a thing is me emptying emptying unraveling me
dear diary today i’ll let go emptying emptying unsolving me
bhagiti 11.5.07 perrysburg, oh
and here i am arranging everything into crazy patterns looking for some meaning without a key
stones end-to-end in rows each positioned just so crop circle geometry in sticks and bottle caps
oh my stone what does it say oh my stone what does it say
i want to shout in patterns but my mouth is sewn mute but for pebbles sticks and glass on the floor
a mandala i cannot hear a cryptic puzzle in arcane silent seduction i have no mouth yet i must scream
oh my stone what will you say oh my stone what will you say
bhagiti 11.4.07 perrysburg, oh
the moon and venus are vivid and crisp this morning but the stars of my sleep were arranged differently and i drew different patterns that only i would know
two yellow doves cooed and and snuggled as i pet them soft and warm they followed me in the room full of dulcimer boats fit for escape into no sea i would ever know
we all can secretly love a stone we all can secretly love a stone
i have forgotten now what the new patterns all mean my map sewn onto the bottom of a blanket i can’t find it is cold and the yellow doves are flown what will i ever know
can we all secretly love a stone can we all secretly love a stone
bhagiti 11.3.07 perrysburg, oh
rock climber you are an inversion paradox is the thrill in hanging on or not letting go
what is your relationship to the stone like a sculptor do you reveal or is it an embrace
fingertip fingertip everything decided by your fingertip
how many times are you tempted just to see how close you can get to weightlessness
and up there is it you or the cliff that you are climbing and fighting off the not letting go
fingertip fingertip everything decided by your fingertip
bhagiti 11.2.07 perrysburg, oh
all hallows now you’ve scared off the haints how many of you are left now still called saints
and what does it take martyrdom not enought for bones in jars just a look upon the inconceivable
i don’t believe you i don’t believe you
my woods now safe at night the roots cooking on the stove to sustain my winter ghost dreaming
shadows no less dark the quiet and creak no less ripe with mold on the vine haunted still these woods
i don’t believe you i don’t believe you
bhagiti 11.1.07 perrysburg, oh
how long did you think you could hold your breath all my friends and i we bet that you’d be the one to cheat death and make your breath like a ghost of conversion it was all the night and nothing right could ever happen again
strings and wires attach me to the salt that remains at the end of your ropes you smiled your arms out wide how much fire can we take there’s no water left to hold out on we’ve taken it too far for the last time i want to hold it in
like saul on hands and knees gasping desert sand deep into his visions an exchange of this for that in an instant all was forgotten
and when it was over we all turned out and knew that for you it was always angels and kites the strings tying you to the skies you wanted off you wanted out and now you have everything you ever wished for and now i will hold it all in
like saul on hands and knees gasping desert sand deep into his visions an exchange of this for that in an instant all was forgotten
bhagiti 10.31.07 perrysburg, oh
that roof was soggy through and through there wasn’t much between the sleeping and me
all the new leaves have turned
and downstairs the billiard table scientist sent us all into our pocket change relief
all the new leaves have turned
that wind up old fashioned buggy car sure didn’t get very far far from the pine needle woods house
all the new leaves have turned
and the gymnasium was bigger than a balloon but we couldn’t hold it all with our sox in jars
all the new leaves have turned
goodbye ten crow feathers and soft house remorse wet with sad sleepless beds and shame
all the new leaves have turned all the new leaves have turned
bhagiti 10.30.07 perrysburg, oh
dusty miller and toby celery hit the world hard and they both hit it together
dusty was a tombstone cement mixer toby was a dimestore kitchen electrocutioner
ta-la-da-lama the world is wide ta-la-da-lama let’s give it a try
dusty miller and toby celery hit the world hard and they both hit it together
dusty was a-growin’ inside wantin’ a mind toby was a wrong way ckickety escalator ride
ta-la-da-lama the world is wide ta-la-da-lama just look at the sky
the world hit dusty miller and toby celery hard and it hit ‘em both together
dusty took it in stride with colorful mind toby looked away already fixin’ to die
ta-la-da-lama the world is wide ta-la-da-lama with tears inside
bhagiti 10.29.07 perrysburg, oh
the trees almost asleep still a few more green stones they’ll throw before one final long turn and shudder
what do you dream do you know you will eventually reach the sea to be made jellyfish seals it’s not unreal
i’ll keep your secrets all winter long i’ll keep your secrets all winter long
worth your weight in the paper jewels you’ve heaped up on my stoop all fire and glow stolen easily by wind and rain
take me take me too i’m ready to shudder and turn acorn eyed before the frozen shutdown before the sunthaw alarm clock
i’ll keep your secrets all winter long i’ll keep your secrets all winter long
bhagiti 10.28.07 perrysburg, oh
standing in a tunnel deep into some hillside can’t see the other side for some mudslide gotta be daisies above but in here all i can think of are
the dusty cloths of keepsakes wrapped up tight in musty boxes they are everything the attic says is me
i smell the earth around me and the hillside starts to heave what more can i do without the need to believe what the hell is freedom anyway and all i can think of are
the dusty cloths of keepsakes wrapped up tight in musty boxes they are everything the attic says is me
now i’ve got a little light and soon i will be free but i’m taking my time not wanting to leave so easily from the belly of this hill where the earth kisses me before i’m forced to face
the dusty cloths of keepsakes wrapped up tight in musty boxes they are everything the attic says is me
bhagiti 10.27.07 perrysburg, oh
this hunter’s moon has pinned me naked against fear and sleep no hiding from the yellow light that seeps through blinds that aren’t
i give up easy prey to the cool yellow glowing strangely in the black as it takes me for its own now i am the night too no longer afraid
what moon will i be a sister i never knew lost to earth and sea
i cannot pull oceans but i’ll make you crazy wolves will howl at me out of forgotten memory and away lovers will leap and dreamers will cry
what moon will i be a sister i never knew lost to earth and sea
bhagiti 10.26.07 perrysburg, oh
sometimes morning is a promise i wish it wouldn’t keep laying in the architecture of day quickly dismantling the circular structure of night
it’s the switch stuck in the middle between what was and what will be like a burning tiger on a tv plugged into some dark forest of night
no dread eyes or dread hands dare step into these days
my heart an anvil and furnace the foundry of arrows tipped with desire and foolishness shot from and into my belly from the center of night
no dread eyes or dread hands dare step into these days
bhagiti 10.25.07 perrysburg, oh
he tries to move through her with an old bottle of her perfume and the handmade mixtape covers he forgot about
but she is gone she is gone
i didn’t know what to say 20 years later it was a life i never saw the covers vivid the perfume gentle with sweetness
but she is gone she is gone
with wings and release she is part of night and days under the cover of stars and leaves closed like now our box
she is gone she is gone she’s gone
bhagiti 10.24.07 perrysburg, oh
the veil lifts to reveal what’s hidden behind a translucent curtain
eleven faceless sad souls without whose tired hearts lift limply
hidden in plain sight these are the silvery shades of desire
haunt me haunt me draw my dreams tug my strings
your symmetry frightens me as much as your heavy silence
i’m on the floor writhing as the eleven stand motionless and blue
haunt me haunt me draw my dreams tug my strings
bhagiti 10.23.07 perrysburg, oh